#they make my brain go bzzzzz

[satorusugurugurl]

I'm just come out and ask because I think we all can agree—

[kenjakulovebot]

if there was a show where the entire thing was about kenjaku just existing and doing normal shit i would watch it i think

[boba-thot]

[chryzure-archive]

not to be like “chryzurecore” abt everything, but they cover multitudes, they hold so many lives within them, they have experienced every variation of love story they can find, and each of them ends unhappily,…….. so they are everything anyway <33

[mayajadewrites]

suguru geto x fem reader: lucky

roommates to lovers–friends to lovers–slow burn

story synopsis: Suguru Geto is your best friend and roommate. After a year of living together, there have been more than one opportunity to throw away your friendship. The question is, would you get lucky as fall in love for the rest of your days?

ao3

CHAPTER SIX

🎧🌙🧺📖🕯️🧸🤍

It's not often that you're left speechless. Suguru Geto has succeeded, however. You stared into his eyes, watching as they search your face for some sort of confirmation.

You could not find the words to say to Suguru. You wanted Suguru badly. You felt conflicted though, since you didn't want to lose your best friend.

You also do like Choso and have been willing to explore your relationship with him. It wouldn't be fair to him to just forget about him and be with Suguru.

"Tell me." Suguru persisted.

"I can't." You finally say, pushing your head on Suguru's headboard.

"So whats wrong?" Suguru takes his index finger, caressing the outline of your face.

"Sugu, you're my best friend." You sigh. "If we didn't work out, I'm not sure if I could be without you."

"If you're always worried about the future, you can't enjoy the present."

"There's also Choso."

"Fuck Choso." Suguru sucked his teeth.

"Hey, be nice. You don't know him and I like him." You ran your fingers through Suguru's jet black locks. "I just don't want to rush into anything. I'm not even sure you actually feel this way or if it's your sick brain."

"So that's not a no." Suguru coughed.

"Why don't we revisit this when your body temperature is not the same as hell?" You moved his hair away from his forehead.

"Will you stay here with me?" Suguru looked up at you with his coffee ground eyes.

"Say please and I will."

"Please."

"Yes, I will." You curl yourself next to Suguru's body, your bodies intertwining with each other.

"Next time I'll be the one making you beg."

The morning is here before you know it. When you open your eyes, Suguru's bare chest was in front of you, his head resting on top of yours. His snores are louder than usual since he's sick, but you don't mind.

You move your body a bit to make your way out of his bed to get ready for work. Of course, he caught on to what you're doing.

"You have sick time, right?" Suguru yawned.

"Why are you asking me such a question?" You turn on your heel.

"Call outttt." Suguru drew out the 'out'. When they say men are needy when they're sick, they are not lying.

"Fine. But I have a date tonight, so you'll be without me for a few hours."

"Make it fast." Suguru pulls the covers over his face, presumably falling asleep. You dial your bosses number and let them know you're feeling sick and don't want to give anyone else the same thing.

After you hang up, you walk to the bathroom you and Suguru share. Thankfully, there are two sinks. You start brushing your teeth while simultaneously cleaning the counter.

"Mmmmm." You hear Suguru groan from his room.

You make your way to his room, leaning on his doorframe. "Yes, my sick princess?"

"Feel my head." He flips over on his back. You press the back of your hand to his forehead.

"Definitely less warm than yesterday, so your fever is going down."

"Must've been the soup."

You turn on the TV and play whatever trashy reality tv show that is on at the moment. Suguru coughs, which leads to a groan because he's over being sick.

"Let me get you some of the soup from yesterday." You get up from the bed. Suguru's eyes followed you, stuck on your figure. He watched as your ass moved in your shorts, making him wish he wasn't sick so he could grab you and kiss you as hard as he wanted to.

Bzzzzz.

Choso: Hey, are we still on for tonight? Shoko said you didn't show up to work.

You: Yes, we're still on. I'll meet you there at 8 :)

Choso: :)

You look to your left and see Suguru sleeping soundly, his stuffy nose amplifying his snores. He looks like an angel, honestly. You take your hand and caress his face gently without a second thought. His eyes fluttered open, revealing your favorite eyes.

"Come back soon." Suguru almost whispered, bringing your hand to his mouth. He kissed each of your fingers gently before falling back asleep.

You felt conflicted. You have Suguru, your best friend, who wants to try something with you. Then you have Choso, the sweetest man, who is very happy to get to know you.

Either way you're hurting someone.

You change into your favorite pair of curve hugging jeans and a sweater, pairing them with your white platform converse. Choso was taking you to a Poetry night at a local lounge, so very lowkey.

When you locked the door to your apartment, you felt guilty for leaving Suguru. You weren't sure if it was because he's sick and you want to take care of him, or because you feel like you owe him your loyalty.

Well, you don't. Not yet at least.

When you arrive at the lounge, Choso is wearing a black sweater with black jeans, his hair in his signature buns. He greets you with a kiss on the cheek, gently grabbing your hand.

He leads you into the lounge where someone was already performing a poem. You find a seat on a loveseat couch, Choso following close behind.

Choso's body was close to yours as you watched the poets, sneaking looks and kisses. You couldn't help but think of Suguru. You had butterflies, yes, but nowhere near as many as you did for your best friend.

You turn to look at Choso, who looks completely enamored with you. You fake a smile as best as you can and press your lips to his. Is it wrong to be kissing a man you don't want to be with?

Maybe.

But that's a conversation for another time and another place.

"I had fun tonight." You say as you leave the lounge. "I'm feeling kind of sick, so I'm gonna head home." Your eyes meet Choso's.

"Me too." He smiles, not wanting to press any further. "I mean me too, I had fun. Not that I feel sick." He chuckled.

"I'll text you when I get home. Actually this time." You hug Choso, feeling his muscles through his sweater. He kissed your forehead as you separated, leaving you feeling worse about your feelings.

When you get home, it's 10:15. Suguru was most definitely awake.

Upon entering your apartment, you see Suguru standing in the kitchen, pouring himself a water. He's shirtless and his hair is all the way down, cascading down his back muscles.

"Someone is feeling better." You set your purse down.

"I am actually." Suguru turns to you and smiles. He looks so much more lively. You've missed him. "So how was your date?"

You look down, sighing. "He's not you, Suguru. That's the problem."

"I'm the problem?" Suguru laughed, setting his cup down on the counter. "Last I checked, I'm not the one that's dating someone else."

"Don't act like we've been in a relationship Sugu. We've both been denying these feelings for some time, and now they're out in the open."

"No one compares to you, princess." Suguru steps closer to you. "I've tried over and over again to replicate the feeling you give me."

You close your eyes and wince at his words, not because they hurt, because you're feeling the exact same.

"If we don't work out, we don't work out." Suguru suggests. "Life is too short to be wondering about the future when you could be enjoying whats right in front of you." Suguru takes another step closer to you, grabbing your hands gently. You looked up into his eyes, getting lost in them.

"I don't want to hurt anyone." You look down, thinking of Choso.

"Hey, he will understand." Suguru brought your eyes back to his, grabbing your chin with his thumb and index finger.

"We have to take it slow, ok?"

"How slow are we talking?"

"We can't have sex yet."

Suguru chuckled and looked back at you. "That's not the only thing on my mind. It will be mind blowing when it happens, but just having you already feels like an orgasm."

You smile as Suguru's arms wrap around your waist, lifting you up from the floor. Your legs intertwine around his waist, running a hand through his hair.

"We've never kissed." You smile, refusing to make the first move.

"That we haven't." Suguru's voice was quiet, almost seductive. His eyes began to close and you followed, feeling his plush lips finally mend with yours. The electricity you felt almost made your heart fall out of your throat. Suguru's large hands held onto your ass, opening his mouth more so your tongue can enter.

You slip your tongue in his mouth, to which he sucks on it gently in return. You moan quiety, pushing yourself off of him from his chest. "We can't go slow if you do that." You press your forehead to his.

"Baby, I can make you cum with just my lips."

[blacktobackmesa]

your writing makes my brain go bzzzzz and im constantly jsut thinking abt this little universe youve created. perfect hlvrai canon to me. maybe this is strange but ive been thinking abt like, what would happen if someone else gets in gordons vr set and logs into the HOME PROGRAM. Like imagine Joshie gets his hands on it and starts playing around. Bubby walks up and greets Gordon assuming it's gordon (bc why wouldnt you) and then Gordon turns around and speaks and its a SIX YEAR OLD KID. what wld he do??? idk, i just like the idea of Someone Else being in the VR gear for a sec and it being a Surprise to the team!!! (also i think joshie is six in ur fic?? but maybe im remembering wrong sorry)

tfw your friend's body is possessed by an otherworldly spirit but the spirit is his first grader. And because he's so short the character model is absolutely NOT behaving the way it should!

The team know Joshua and they do piece together what's happening but this does not stop Benrey and the Boomers from fully acting like Gordon is being haunted. [Tommy pointed out that Joshua really shouldn't be playing with his dad's things and will get in trouble, so the others are trying to make him laugh. It works.]

[masterwords]

I had a fun idea!

Derek is very tired during a difficult case and throws himself a little over enthusiastically onto the bed of the cheap motel they're staying in and breaks it. He goes to the front desk but they're all booked out and the only person in the team with a twin room is Hotch...

Well, anon, that idea is fun indeed! I had some fun with this, it flew from my head to the doc at lightning speed...I hope you like it! <3 It was nice to step out of the angst I've been writing lately and do a little cute mutual pining nonsense with adorable derek and awkward hotch. thank you for making my brain go bzzzzz!

pairing: pre-hotchgan (maybe...maybe not...)

words: 1.7k

**

He didn’t mean to. That’s all he can think as he stands in front of the door to room 164 with its crooked 6 and chipped up paint. The bright orange paint is old, probably seven layers of lead beneath whatever they last put on when they re-branded. He knows how this works, his mother worked in plenty of cheap hotels when he was growing up and he can remember each time she came home with a new uniform from new owners who slapped a coat of paint on and hoped it would fool people into thinking it wasn’t the same shitpot it always had been. His hand hovers over the door, loosely balled into a fist, ready to knock. He could always sleep in the SUV.

The thing is, he knows Hotch isn’t going to have a problem with him moving in. It isn’t like they spend much time in their rooms anyway, and he might even get a laugh out of the way Derek had come by this need for a new room it’s just...things have been awkward lately. He’s always sort of had a thing for Hotch, the Gucci ties and the expensive suits are easy on the eyes and he’s no fool. He knows Hotch would be a good date from beginning to end, they’ve known each other long enough that he’s certain of many things...the problem is, lately he’s been getting a vibe like maybe Hotch might have a thing for him too.

Things got a little awkward during the ride home from New York, that case was when he started to notice things. Little things. And his own feelings of jealousy hadn’t helped anything but that ride home. Well.

He thinks again about sleeping in the SUV, even turns to look at it. He could curl up in the back and be perfectly comfortable. It’s not cold and there are emergency blankets back there. New York wasn’t that long ago and Hotch is still pretty messed up by it, he’s not likely to want company. He’s nearly to his decision when the door opens to reveal Hotch nearly stepping right into him, looking at his phone.

“Morgan?” he asks, confused. Derek offers him a sheepish smile.

“Hey boss. I got a little problem.”

“The front desk called to verify that it was alright to move you into the room. You’re welcome to stay. I have to go sign some new papers with the attendant, make yourself at home.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize the beds were so…”

“It isn’t a problem Morgan. Back in a minute.”

That minute turns into something that starts to worry Derek as he unpacks his bag for the second time during this trip. He doesn’t spread out as much though, Hotch has his things in certain places and he’s not going to intrude, he’s just going to make a little space. They use the same toothpaste, that thought buzzes through his mind right about when he hears the key in the door and smells the pizza before he even sees it.

“I brought back dinner,” Hotch announces, tossing his keys on the little desk with a clatter before setting the box down. “Do you still like extra olives?”

“Hell yeah,” Derek says, walking back into the main room with a smile. “Olives, mushrooms and green peppers. What do I owe ya?”

“My treat.”

Derek studies Hotch as he moves around the room, slipping out of his shoes and shrugging out of his jacket. Had he been wearing them the whole time or had he just put them on to go out? Derek thinks it was the former. He rarely allowed himself to be comfortable during cases.

“Well hey, thanks man. For letting me crash in your room and buying me dinner.”

He thinks he can detect the slightest hint of a blush in Hotch’s cheeks as he fumbles around in the little kitchenette for paper plates. Of course he brought paper plates. A man who never eats during cases still thinks about these things.

“You can turn on the television if you’d like.”

“You wanna watch something?”

“I’ve got a bit of a headache, I’ll probably just take a shower and go to bed. Please don’t mind me.”

“Wait, you’re not even gonna eat the pizza?”

Hotch levels his gaze at Derek helplessly and suddenly Derek can see something he’s been concealing for weeks now. He’s not just a little off the mark, he’s actually suffering. He hides it too well. It’s almost scary.

“And here I was thinking you were setting up some kinda date night here…” Derek says quietly, a sneaky little smile on his face. He’s trying to lighten the mood and the way the crease disappears between Hotch’s brows says it almost worked. Almost.

“Is this really how you think I…” Hotch starts, but catches himself. He’d been lulled in by the warmth of the room, by Derek lounging easily on his bed, by the smell of pizza as Derek flips mindlessly through television channels. It was almost too easy to let himself slide, to let himself bare something he shouldn’t. Derek doesn’t miss it though. Not even a little. He drops the remote and sits upright.

“How I think you what?”

Hotch hums and runs his thumb along his fingernails, back and forth against his thigh. Derek is looking at him expectantly, he has to finish the sentence.

“Okay. So you wouldn’t do it this way. How would you do it?”

“How would I…?”

“First date. You and me. If it’s not a broken bed and a pizza with some shitty made for TV movie starring Tori Spelling then...what is it?”

He’s clammed up pretty bad, just standing there hovering between honesty and the feeling that he’s about to cross a line from which he can never return. The thoughts in his head are so wildly inappropriate he can’t even believe he’s entertaining them. The thing is, some part of him fundamentally changed when Haley had him served with divorce papers. This innate part of him that placed work on some pedestal, the part of him that said if he worked hard enough everyone around him would benefit from it. He knew now that it was all lies he was feeding himself when all he was really doing was avoiding giving himself to something that might really hurt. And in the end? Well, it hurt worse than he ever could have imagined.

Now he’s looking at Derek and thinking about how badly this could hurt, but he’s not scared of it like he used to be. He would land on his feet if he had to leave this job. It would be better not to be disgraced, but he thinks he’d land on his feet even if he was. People had done just fine after much worse rules being broken.

“Hotch?” Derek asks, standing now. “You okay?”

“Oh. Yeah. Just thinking, I’m sorry.”

“Thinking about what I asked or how to get out of it?”

Hotch smiles and shrugs. “A little of both.”

“You’re worried about breaking some arbitrary fraternization rules when I haven’t even kissed you yet. If I did, would you immediately start planning your next career move?”

Derek is having a little too much fun now, watching the bright red rise against Hotch’s throat.

“Hotch, chill out. I’m just flirting. There’s no harm in that.”

Hotch looks down at his feet for a moment and feels the burn of honesty in his chest. It isn’t that simple for him, it never has been. And that’s why it hurts so bad when he messes it all up. “There is if it isn’t just flirting.”

“What else would it be?”

Silence. Hotch feels like he’s on stage beneath a spotlight and he’s forgotten all of his lines. How did he get here? He should have been more adamant that he was going to take that shower. The dizziness and ringing in his ears is bad and he’s fighting against it with everything he’s got, which is making it a lot harder to navigate these dangerous waters. But then Derek’s hand is taking his, his long fingers smoothing Hotch’s worrying thumb, holding it in place.

“Hotch. It’s okay to have feelings for me. I got ‘em for you too. All the time we’ve spent together over the years, all the things we’ve shared that no one else will ever come close to? The injuries and the nightmares and all that travel time...I think it’d be impossible not to feel strongly about each other. Doesn’t make it wrong and the Bureau’s rules can’t change the reality of it.”

“I’m your boss,” Hotch whispers finally, devastation in his voice. “It would be a gross misuse of my power.”

At that, Derek laughs incredulously and shakes his head. “You’re a trip, man. You know that?”

“Too many things could go wrong,” Hotch offers after a moment to reconsider his trepidation. “It would be a mistake.”

Derek shrugs. “Yeah. Maybe. I got rules about dating people I work with. You would if you’d ever given that any thought...but when I think about all the reasons I don’t date where I work, none of those things would be an issue with you.”

“What if something happened?”

“Alright. Hey. I was just tryin’ to flirt a little, see if you would maybe flirt back. If you’re thinking something more serious, here’s my offer: you go take your shower, do some thinking. Come back out and eat a piece of pizza and watch this movie with me. When the case is done...we meet up and talk this out. And if we decide it’s too complicated or maybe the emotion was just running a little wild tonight and it didn’t mean anything? No harm no foul.”

“Do you mean it?” Hotch asks, finally meeting Derek’s eyes. “Because the last thing I would ever want…”

Derek shakes his head and cuts him off with a gentle squeeze of his hand, the hand he’s still holding. “I mean it. No harm no foul.”

[localgirlfriend]

Hi, your blog makes my brain go bzzzzz, and my dick go hard. I hope you're having a good night and have had a nice orgasm recently.

❤️❤️❤️ thank you, love u!

[greeen-bean]

Adult Darcy make my brain go bzzzzz

[cas-coding]

My brother in christ...your post about trans Jack was so real fr fr.... like, cas not understanding the minutia of gender and the trans experience for humans but understanding that Jack is a boy and just leaving it at that. I got it as (forgive me if I'm wrong) Cas learning everything he knows about the topic from Dean who is pretty cagey about it and uses as few words as possible when he has to discuss it. Cas knowing that its a human taboo to discuss things like this without the person briging it up themselves and jack not knowing it was something he had to ask about, not knowing how humans understabd it. Cas knowing that Jack being a boy is indisputable but not knowing that Jack himself doesn't know this in the sense that he doesn't know anything about gender and everything, he just knows he's a boy. God, something about trans dean being a dad to trans Jack is just so gkdigstsotsots.

Sorry if this was impossible to understand, my brain is fried from uni exams but your trans dean makes my brain go bzz bzzzzz

oh my god thank you so much i literally love reading your comments,,,, strap in for my long analysis where i share every detail of my thought process with you akdfjdalgj

i've been absolutely devouring trans!jack fics lately and i felt like the thing they always get wrong is that cas doesn't understand human gender and i really don't think he ever will. i'm so glad the detail that he learned everything from dean and realized how essential gender is to some people from dean came across, because that's exactly what i intended!! cas just knows that it's really important to dean that he's a man and dean hates talking about how important it is that he's a man, so cas applies the same rules to his conversation with jack

obviously biology is weird for jack because he's half angel but the general thing that kind of went on with him (and i didnt find a way to fit this in the first draft but it might go in the ao3 version of this story, but who knows when i'll get that up) is that he feels like a boy but got his concept of gender completely from his bond with cas, so he molded himself after cas. the bits of cas he can't see... well he assumed he and cas had the same bits. they do not. but jack's grace starts to fade and he gets his period and ugh,,,,

usually i dont like writing sam because he always feels kind of awkward to me (chalk it up to jarpad's bad acting, because sam really is a cool character) but here he felt like he had a purpose??? he is essentially pulling jack back to earth and being kind of a mediator for it all, knowing dean is the better option for something like this because sam is the one who helped dean through his trans discovery, and just knowing that it's not his place to speak on it because he doesn't understand. i eat up trans!sam fics but he's written as cis here for a reason,,,,,,, and it kind of pained me but he was doing the actual intelligent ally thing: he called a trans person and was like hey! you're gonna be better at this than me, and i care about this person, so i'm calling on better help than i can give,,, and honestly i adore him for that

finally dean??? where do i start with dean.,,,,,, he is so repressed. deeply. and i tried to write it so that was obvious, the way he kind of stumbles his way through the biology lesson and says that it's awkward and tries to wiggle his way out of it but he also knows it's not about him. he understands that jack needs him, and he isn't forced to come out to jack, isn't forced to tell him anything personal, but he does, because he knows it will help jack. selfless!dean for the win,,,,,, because at his core, dean is a caretaker and im so mad that they didnt do that in the show between jack and dean. i feel like dean is meant to nurture and raise and take care of and coach jack and i took my opportunity here. dean kept the conversation light and i just loved the silly scene where jack is like "im not a real boy" and dean is like "well am i a real boy" and jack is like "yes of course!!" and dean is like "haha checkmate" obviously thats not the dialogue but i feel like that is peak dean and jack and i hate that the show didnt give that to us. anyway

tldr everyone in the show is trans even tho sam was cis ally here, cas will never understand gender, jack is going thru it, and dean is a caretaker at heart

also i love you have a wonderful day i loved answering this <33

[tiddykittylikesskittles]

The inside of my head feels like a blender. Medications supposed to help my migraines make the blender spin faster. It's more of a bzzzzz feeling than a ck-chunk-a-chunk feeling when I take them. But it doesn't make the contents of my brain any less blended. Also, the blender going this fast means it starts shaking like it's about to break.

[foreverchasingsleep]

if the definition of getting my shit together is "making a new Tumblr specifically for aesthetic pictures that make my brain go bzzzzz," then i am 100% getting my shit together

[godgavemenoname]

🪄

root out the wine-dark honeyed center

take what you can carry / but let me tell you, brother / still water's going stagnant, bodies float / and the cellar door is an open throat

the house that dripped blood - the mountain goats

[septembersghost]

literally there are dudebros that r like Kim doesn't actually love him she's gonna con him she's actually evil etc and its soooo low-key misogynistic its like can't imagine a woman being nuanced in any way. but also its so obvious they complete each other

they've been like this for years, but they were usually silenced quickly before - recent events have sadly given them the excuse to double down on their heinous misogyny with less push back. these guys have been swearing for years that she was playing him - at the very least since S4 (and chuck's letter), but it began even more in earnest at, "maybe we get married," which for some reason made a whole host of them decide they hated her and she must be conning him, instead of understanding literally anything about the context of that scene. as if getting married didn't cause their bond to blossom even further. it's like they refuse to believe women are anything other than conniving harpies. :|

i was telling a friend about this, but it's legitimately horrifying to me that they're also rushing to unrestrained glee at not only the thought of her being violently murdered now (too bad for them, i fully believe this isn't going to happen), and additionally wishing cartel s*x slave/assault on her, as if this show would ever do such a thing, there's not even a TRACE of that threat in this narrative and they're foaming at the mouth wishing it on her as "punishment," as if she 1. pulled the trigger herself (she very much did not), or 2. as if that's a perfectly reasonable thing to hope a woman has to endure to bring her low in ANY circumstance. it's disgusting and it speaks to the way their minds work and how little they value women generally, tbh at a certain point that level of misogyny is so sick that it ripples far beyond fiction. they live like this? they see the world like this? despicable. i had to completely tap out of the subreddit because the comments i was seeing were too upsetting. /rant

she is a complicated, nuanced, insular woman. she always has been. this show has been a masterclass in how to communicate things with stillness, or minute movements that accumulate to far more. they've trusted us to spend enough time with her that we empathize and understand who she is as a person. she keeps herself tightly contained, so we see her measuring moments, being cautious with circumstances, but then when she lets that break open, we also see the complexity of her intellect, her emotions, and her fierce belief system - a system which includes jimmy. her moral compass being something that shifts seems to confuse some of them into thinking it means she's ~wicked~ rather than realizing WHY that shift has taken place. even her devotion to justice - it's very much something she uses to frame her world, but her sense of it changes as time goes on, and she experiences more, and gets more angry and frustrated at the broken aspects of the system. kim "breaking bad" is fueled by a sense of injustice mixed with hubris mixed with an almost fanciful quality. jimmy is capricious, but with kim to me it's almost like she's rational to the point of tipping into sophistry. she wanted to be atticus finch. she wants to improve the world, she wants people who aren't afforded fairness, who aren't heard, to be treated better, and if this means she has to make some sneaky moves and damage a few reputations and defy these men with privilege and power who keep the system unbalanced, doesn't she have the right to do it? we know it's illogical and ultimately even immoral, but she kept thinking the ends justified the means. after all, if they get the settlement faster, that means she can do good with it, right? they never foresaw it being blood money, which of course ruins everything. the hand of fate here isn't like...it's not coming down on the side of who is Good and who is Evil, which is why i wrote the post about EVERYONE in the entire story being to blame for this falling out the way it did. the repercussions are a reminder that even when we desperately want to, we can't take justice into our own hands.

the very quick turn to buy into howard's, "you're soulless, you're sociopaths" rant is an utter lack of nuance or understanding - they've been lying in wait for the chance to tear kim apart and they believe this handed it to them, and i do not in any way blame schauz or the rest of the writers' room for it, any more than i blame them for the way a much too large percentage of this same audience reacted to skyler back in the day. that damning judgment is not the intent of the storytelling imho, but the rot of the misogyny takes hold. we know that it isn't true. she isn't "evil." she hasn't been "psychopathic from the beginning" (lmao what? they're wholesale rewriting canon now, along with "howard never did anything wrong." he definitely did a number of things wrong, and acknowledging that isn't saying that what happened to him was justified). we have these small glimpses of her life and upbringing - an unreliable mother, an unstable home, her desire to achieve and accomplish things, her reaching for more - we know precisely why she and jimmy connect, and why their experiences of the world end up informing one another. we know why she defends him so fiercely. we know how deeply she loves him, and he her (but notice they don't question his love for her). i feel as though a lot of the comments convinced she's somehow playing a long con on him don't understand what this form of love and intimacy look like? it isn't spelled out for us in simple terms, it exists in their actions, gestures, even subtextually, but there's a startling, lovely realism about it that i personally find gorgeous and refreshing to watch, because we rarely see relationships depicted in this way. i don't know what more they needed than the beginning and end of bad choice road, which in and of itself speaks more volumes than some fictional couples ever do. it's such a genuine connection and it has always been portrayed that way.

they are very intentionally two parts of a whole. (whatever our souls are made of! i will keep saying it!) like you said, it's obvious they complete each other, they have from the start. where that eventually ends is difficult to say - violent delights or lovers meeting - but this has absolutely been a story about how these two people are united, and restorative and destructive, in one another.

[blocksforbrains]

bitches who go “I’m not reading all of that” when someone makes a long post NOT ME… if u send me fifteen pages worth of idk. fnaf lore. I will read it and I will enjoy it

[mayajadewrites]

Levi Ackerman x Reader: Almost

Chapter Seven: Good Things

Chapter Summary: We got some more knowledge about reader and her past, and how she deals with relationships.

I'm gonna testing writing in a first person instead, writing "you" is starting to give me the ick LOL. Let me know what you think! It's still LEVI ACKERMAN X READER.

"I should get going." I stand up from the couch, the aftermath of the euphoria you just experienced taking up the space in my mind.

"If you want to." Levi didn't protest, wiping his lip with his thumb. "I'll drive you."

My legs were still shaking from Levi devouring your pussy, so you walked behind him so he couldn't see the embarrassment.

A man has never made me cum before. This man's dick has not even been inside me and he made me cum with his mouth and fingers. So many feelings swirled my thoughts, the first instinct I feel is to run.

My father is not the best example on what a man should be. He cheated on your mother multiple times, and he always told her he would change. Change never came.

He left when I were 14.

I witnessed my mother's heartbreak as she got rid of his things in my home, one by one.

"Why wasn't I enough?" I would hear your mom on the phone with her sister, gasping for air. "I gave that man a child, my entire life, and he threw it away like it didn't matter."

That conversation is burned into my brain.

People leave. Men leave. I know this.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Levi turned around, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear. "You're never this quiet."

"I'm just tired." I briefly look into his eyes, leaning my cheek into his palm.

Levi accepted this answer and helped me into the car, studying my movements.

The car ride home was silent, but my mind was loud.

I don't deserve this.

He's gonna leave like your father did.

He doesn't want me.

Levi pulls up to my apartment, analyzing my face. He knows something is up, but he doesn't want to pry just yet.

"Thank you, I had a great time tonight." I look up into his eyes, feeling a genuine grin form on your face. Levi returned my grin with a slight smile, kissing my lips briefly.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He whispered, kissing my lips twice more.

I walk into your apartment and look back once to see Levi leaning against the Range Rover, with a half smirk on his face. I didn't have the energy to make a bratty remark, so I locked the door and listened to the sound of his car leaving.

I've never been able to regulate your emotions and address your trauma. I definitely have undiagnosed anxiety, depression, and possibly more.

To be fair, I've never had to address it. I've never felt this way about anyone. The reason I've only fucked men and not had feelings after the fact is because I wouldn't let myself. I am petrified of becoming your mother.

Levi doesn't deserve a woman like that. He's successful, wealthy, has women pining after him everywhere he goes.

What's so special about me?

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

Bzzzzz.

Levi: Sweet dreams.

Me: Goodnight Mr. Ackerman.

Levi: Brat.

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

The next day I get up for your 6 AM shift, unsure if I'm ready to see Nina again after my drunken escapades. Nina is very understanding, but she likes to be... well, dramatic.

"Good morning sunshine!" Nina wrapped her apron around her waist. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling fine." I grab your apron off of the hook. "How are you?"

"I'm good! Ready for the day!" Nina smiled, clapping her hands together. "How was your morning after with Levi?"

"Morning after he took care of me and made sure I didn't throw up in my sleep, suffocate and die? It was good."

"Yikes, let me shut my big ass mouth." Nina giggled, leaving the back room.

The smell of coffee grounds lifted my spirits, temporarily helping me forget about all my feelings.

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

I was on bar today, making everyones drink. The café was booming with people - students, blue collar workers, and everyone in between.

"Good morning, beautiful." A deep voice interrupted my thoughts. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up as my eyes met his.

"Good morning Levi." I smile, brewing his black tea. "How's your day looking today?"

"It's better now." He grabbed the cup from me, taking a sip immediately. "It would've been better if I woke up next to you, too."

A blush caressed my face as I shook my head. "I don't think you want to see me every morning as soon as I wake up. Sometimes my mouth is hanging open, I'm drooling -"

"Funny you think you weren't doing that the other night." Levi chuckled, his eyes scanning your face. "You don't look like you slept well."

Must be the bags under my eyes.

"You're so observant." I roll my eyes, beginning another coffee order. "I didn't really."

"I have to take this-" Levi held his phone in the air. "I'll talk to you soon. Have a good day, please."

"You too." I wave goodbye as Levi exits the café. I already missed him, but my anxiety subsided for a bit.

He can find someone better than I could ever be.

He probably wants a woman that can function every day, not like me who has to take depression days.

He wants a woman who's more fit than I am.

The negative thoughts spilled into my mind, taking over my positive ones. Negative self-talk is something I constantly suffer with - I seem to be my biggest hater.

I always ruin good things.