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hollowwrites · 11 months ago

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A Recipe for a Bad day

Ominis x MC

Summary - Ominis' bad day continues as he finds his jealousy towards the new fifth year reach new heights

A lot of this is Garreth and Sebastian I just like the goofy bois. It’s my absolute favourite thing rewriting scenes from the game in more detail. And if you can’t tell I love shoving voice lines and dialogue in!!

Warnings - Mentions of Ominis past and Evelyns past (Her mother has passed) other than that just another PINEFEST!

Word Count - 4668

Ominis wasnt sulking. He was not brooding.

No matter what Sebastian said.

No, this was just his face. He normally walked around looking like he was sucking on a lemon. Whilst that was normally true, that wasn’t the case here.

He just couldn’t remove the images he had conjured for himself of Evelyn and Leander.

Sebastian said ‘dragged her away’. Did he mean figuratively or literally? Did he touch her?…grab her? She did look annoyed, but how much can one tell from someone’s gait. And he doesn’t truly know her well enough to make those kinds of assumptions.

However, he couldn’t stop the anger he felt for himself allowing her to slip through his fingers. Quite literally.

So he was back to square one, torturing himself with images of her softly placing a hand on Leanders arm. Giggling to some joke.

She does that for me.

Now he was sat across the room from her. It was almost worse than if she wasn’t there at all. At least then he might possibly be able to concentrate on this awful class. Right now he was much more fixated on eavesdropping into every conversation she had. Desperate for just that small crumb of information about her. Just one more detail.

From what he could gather, she was sat between Sebastian and Garreth.

Ominis was friends with both of them. Good friends. But he couldn’t quell the wave of jealousy he felt upon hearing her laugh.

It was Garreth, of course she was laughing.

But that didn’t stop it from stinging.

Why do you care? Why are you acting this way?

He summised that it was his minds way of replacing Anne. No, not replacing. No one could replace Anne, and Sebastian would never speak to him again if he voiced those thoughts. But he needed a friend.

Just a friend.

After coming back to school, the first year Anne would be completely absent, and after spending the entire summer helping Sebastian and Solomon ‘make her comfortable’, Ominis was left with a friend shaped pit in his stomach.

And this new fifth year seemed just the right fit.

So why was he feeling this protective? He was never like this with Anne, nor Sebastian.

Maybe he was just being sensitive. He’d watched one companion get ripped from him, his other not taking that departure well either. And even though Sebastian’s behaviour had taken a swing towards the positive as of late…Ominis could feel a distance between them. Like it was only a matter of time.

So he would keep this new friend of his close…no matter how possessive it made him feel.

After Professor Sharp set the task of a ‘simple’ Wigginweld, Ominis physically turned himself away, hoping the act itself would put a stop to his obsessive nature.

If anything it made it worse.

Not many people knew about Ominis’ advanced hearing. Whether it came from one of the spells his parents tried as a child in an attempt to ‘fix him’ or if it was simply his bodies way of compensating for his disability, he didn’t know. He had just always been able to hear from across large rooms, even busy classrooms. Such as this.

He was suddenly very thankful for Imelda standing next to him. She silently brewed her potion as instructed, not caring much for small talk, allowing him to listen in on the table at the far end, whilst he haphazardly chopped at his Dittany leaves.

Evelyn watched as Ominis turned towards his station and began slicing through the neatly piled assortment of leaves. She couldn’t help the growing need to help him as she saw his fingers glide effortlessly across the chopping board to find his knife.

He didn’t fumble for it, nor did he injure himself upon finding the blades edge instead of the handle. He was perfectly capable. But she felt she could help him. Make his life just a little bit easier.

She just wanted to help.

“Do you think Ominis is upset with me?” She muttered to no one in particular, aiming the question out towards the middle of the classroom as she stared off towards the Blonde Slytherin in the distance.

Garreth and Sebastian looked at each other, a smirk pulled wide over the latters face.

“I don’t think it possible for you to upset him” Sebastian responded under his breath, slicing into his own pile of Dittany “Why do you ask?”

“He just seems…off with me. Since Herbology…” she wondered out loud, absentmindedly cutting and prepping her own ingredients like she’d done this a thousand times “…you don’t think I offended him do you?”

“Oooh interesting. What did you do to offend the powerful and ominous Ominis?” The curly, red head chirped with an impish grin across his features.

Evelyn looked across to his station. Every available surface had been covered with vials of various sorts. Some of them weren’t even ingredients. In fact she swore one was labelled ‘Troll Belly Button Fluff’ but it was empty…She decided not to question it, partly because she was scared of the answer.

Her confused features must’ve been quite obvious based on the amused little chuckle from Sebastian.

“I suppose I should introduce you two. This is Garreth Weasley. Garreth, this is the infamous new fifth year everyone has been talking about. Evelyn Hollow”

“I’d shake your hand but honestly, Merlin’s knows what’s on them now…” Garreth beamed, shaking a vial of thick liquid he’d pulled from his robes.

“Oooookay” Evelyn giggled. “Are you related to Professor Weasley?”

“She’s my Aunt” he replied, pouting like a child whose sweets had been snatched from their grubby little hands “Keeps to close an eye on me for comfort. But she can’t be everywhere”

Something about this red head caused a wave of comfort over her. It’s possible it was the slightly vacant and near constant smile on his features. Or maybe it was the blatant disregard for the rules and his charming and almost arrogant tone of voice.

“So how did you offend Ominis?” Garreth asked.

“She hasn’t. He’s just moping…as usual” Sebastian shot a look up towards Ominis, smirking.

“You sure? I’ve never seen him so…cold” Garreth teased, shivering dramatically.

“Stop that!” Evelyn moaned. “I’m serious…”

“Okay well…what did you do that you think has offended him so?” Garreth asked, genuinely for the first time as well as working on his potion for the first time too, finally adding his chopped Dittany to the Pestle and Mortar and crushing it lazily. He looked almost…bored.

“I helped him in Herbology…” Before Evelyn could continue, Garreth gasped loudly, grabbing the blade of his knife and pretending to stab himself in the heart.

“Godrics Great Golden Garter…you didn’t help him did you?” Garreth said rather unnecessarily sarcastically “…You are indeed a cruel witch”

Evelyn decided to ignore his display, continuing on like nothing had happened

“I didn’t mean to suggest he couldn’t do any of it alone but…” she pouted slightly thinking back to how many times she interjected in his work “…some muggle-born girl comes along and acts like she knows everything. Must be frustrating…”

“It is…” Sebastian smirked, piling onto the teasing with a soft nudge with his elbow.

“…thanks” Evelyn retorted flatly “…I don’t know why I bother talking to you”

“Look…” Sebastian started, placing his utensils down pointedly “…Ominis is a complicated fellow. As his friend of many years, he just…gets like this sometimes. I promise it’s not you”

That satisfied her for all of five seconds, but dropped the subject anyway. Lest she suffer more teasing from the comedy duo either side of her.

Evelyn looked between the two boys as she worked on her Wiggenweld. How she’d landed with these two she wasn’t entirely sure but she felt like their combined charm and roguish behaviour could very easily lead her astray. She smiled easily, listening to the two of them endlessly tease her for her worrying.

At some point, Professor Sharp hobbled over to the other side of the room and Sebastian slipped an old dusty book across the station towards Garreth, who stowed it whilst looking shiftily around the room. She recognised it immediately as the book Sebastian pocketed upon entering the Restricted Section.

Almost as soon as Sharp turned his back, he’d shot back around, his eyes narrowing as they fell over Garreth and their table.

“Miss Hollow…” the old Auror addressed her with a curt nod “…How are you getting along?” He continued, looking towards Sebastian and Garreth, the implication clear in his voice.

“I think I’m doing okay, Sir. I’ve already bottled some” she picked up the tiny corked bottle and held it up for the Professor.

“Hmm…” Sharp inspected the bottle intensely, turning it over in his fingers over and over “…Not an easy potion to brew. Well done…And from what I hear of your recent exploits in Hogsmeade you’d also do well to practise brewing the defensive Edurus potion. Professor Weasley had you acquire the recipe from J. Pippin’s correct?”

“Yes, Sir” She heard Sebastian snort under his breath, clearly amused at how quickly she transformed into the most studious of classmates.

“Good. For the moment you can find the ingredients you need in my office - in the future however you will be expected to provide your own. Some will require you to be a bit more - resourceful. Perhaps your friends can help you with that…” Sharp turned toward Garreth again as he shook a vial of ‘Dragons Blood’ towards Evelyn before hiding it quickly as Sharp stared through him.

“I don’t even want to know, Mr Weasley. Just keep it out of your cauldron…” Professor Sharp didn’t reign in his clear disappointment as he rolled his eyes, though Evelyn swore she saw a vague smirk pulling at his lips “…Come and see me when you’ve finished brewing, and we’ll see if it was luck or skill the first time around”

This time as he left, he shot her a wry half smile and nodded firmly, moving over to the table next to them.

“Speaking of resourcefulness…Did I hear Professor Sharp say that you have permission to go in his office?” Garreth hissed quietly over the bubbling and various other noises of their station.

“He did say that” Evelyn replied tentatively.

“Brilliant! You, my friend, have been presented with an extraordinary opportunity. I’m missing one tiny ingredient from this potion I’m working on” Garreth said looking down at the purple liquid in front of him. Everyone else cauldrons were an array of greens…Garreths’ looked more like an angry bruise than any sort of Wiggenweld she’d ever seen.

“I suspect that’s where I come in?”

“You were right, Sebastian. She is as clever as I’d hoped” Garreth grinned devilishly before continuing: “I simply need a single Fwooper Feather. As you’ll already be in Sharps office - with his permission, perhaps you could grab it for me.”

“I don’t know Garreth. I don’t want to get on Sharps bad side.” Evelyn murmured, eyeing the old Auror from across the way.

“You won’t. Fwooper Feathers aren’t that valuable. Sharp won’t even miss it.”

Evelyn rolled her eyes before flipping to the page in her Potions book labelled ‘Edurus’. She made a mental note of the ingredients and headed towards Sharps office without another word.

“And now we add the mallowsweet and…that’s odd. What’s happening?” Garreths eyes went wide as he stirred in the stolen Fwooper Feather and the liquid turned from a deep purple to a bright gaudy pink.

“Wait it’s not supposed to- ah!” Garreth yelped crouching behind his station as the fireworks of pungent sparks fell around him like snow. “Dragon Dung! What happened?”

Evelyn couldn’t help but giggle as Sebastian leaned over into her station and covered her with his robe. A seasoned avoider of Garreths mishaps she assumed.

“What now, Mr Weasley?” Sharp rose from his chair before falling back into it, quickly deciding it wasn’t worth the pain in his leg for another one of Garreth’s failed experiments.

“Sorry, Professor” Garreth pouted and used his perfected ‘guilty’ voice

“That’ll be points from Gryffindor - again. Miss Hollow…a word please”

Evelyn shot Garreth a stern look as she pulled from out of Sebastian’s robes, a long boney finger pointing accusatorily at the Gryffindor. “You said…”

“I said nothing…”

“I brewed an Edurus potion as you asked, Professor” Evelyn chirped, trying her best to seem sweet and innocent, like the previous carnage wasn’t completely her fault.

“I’m surprised you had the time…” He snapped crossing his arms like a disappointed father, his tone, for want of a better term, was Sharp. “…You seemed rather busy helping Mr Weasley brew chaos”

“Sorry Professor…” She sighed “…I thought considering you’d given me a more advanced potion to brew, you’d done the same for Garreth. He told me he was quite proficient at Potions…I assumed he was just trying to be efficient. I misjudged the situation. I’m sorry.” She lied…expertly, her brows meeting in the middle out of faux concern. She was perfectly aware of what Garreth intended to do. Sebastian had talked about the shenanigans he got up to in class and despite her not agreeing to get the feather, she decided to grab it when it was just lying in the office. It was begging to be taken.

“Ah…” Professor Sharps posture relaxed exponentially, his arms falling to clasp together in front of him “…well now you are aware of Mr Weasleys intentions I shall also assume this won’t happen again, and that you have learnt a lesson.”

“Of course, Professor” she nodded repeatedly, a practised look of disappointment on her features.

“Taking responsibility for one’s actions does go a long way with me. As for the work you did at your own cauldron, I will say you’ve done well. I confess I was skeptical, but you have exceeded my expectations.”

She immediately felt bad lying to the man. He seemed sweet…even if he did have a rather unpleasant aura around him. One of authority and command.

“Thank you, Professor”

“Class is dismissed” Professor Sharp called in the middle of Evelyn taunting Garreth. He smirked when she told him she’d played innocent and dropped him in it, clearly unbothered that he may be in more trouble after her conversation with the Professor. He playfully called her a ‘Typical Slytherin’ and lightly punched her arm as he walked out of the class, one more detention under his belt.

“Mr Gaunt, if you could stay after class to work on your Wiggenweld it would be beneficial” Sharp said after the majority of the students had left the classroom. Only Evelyn, Sebastian and Ominis remained.

She tidied up her station slowly, memorising the ingredients as she packed them away into the drawer below the desk. Sebastian was leaning against the counter by Ominis.

“Miss Hollow, perhaps you can use your natural gift for potioneerring to actually help one of your fellow classmates. Mr Gaunt has a fantastic theoretical knowledge in the field. He just struggles a little with the practical elements”

She watched Ominis turn in her direction, an almost pained look on his face, similar to when she’d overstepped and touched his hand.

Her chest tightened.

“Of course” she agreed under her breath, hoping this after hours session wouldn’t be too awkward after how their Herbology class ended.

Professor Sharp gathered his things piling an extraordinarily large stack of items into his briefcase before picking it up and shuffling over to Ominis. He placed a supportive hand on his shoulder, tapping twice.

“I know you can do this…” Sharp murmured, a gentler tone than she had heard all evening. “…Mr Sallow, you best be off, lest Scribner start looking for you…again” With another tap to Ominis shoulder, Sharp left the classroom.

“He’s right…that Detention won’t complete itself. Thanks for getting me out of it by the way” Sebastian said sarcastically, pulling his robes over his shoulders properly.

“You’re welcome” Ominis chirped, completely unphased.

“Don’t have too much fun you two” Sebastian purred with a suggestive tone, his eyes rolling as he strolled casually out of the classroom.

Oh god…

He knew.

Sebastian knew this was going to be awkward. What else could he mean?

Evelyn gulped as she turned slowly towards Ominis, silently thankful he was blind. She just couldn’t hide the look of apprehension on her face.

There was silence for a long time as Ominis silently read and reread the recipe, his wand illuminating the words as it pressed against the page. The potion he had toiled on, over and over, sat forgotten in the cauldron in front of him, its heavy medicinal scent wafted over them both. With a sigh, he placed his wand down over the recipe book, marking the page with the tip.

“It seems pandemonium follows you” he broke the silence first, with a smirk “First the Sorting Ceremony, then Hogsmeade…now here”

“In my defence, I didn’t actually do anything” Evelyn retorted, falling into a playful tone easily.

It was so easy with him…

“So then what actually happened? I could just hear - and smell the carnage from over here”

“I was coerced into stealing from a teacher” she exaggerated, her voice turned soft and twee. Like butter wouldn’t melt.

“Huh…” he laughed softly “…You’re quite the covert little thief aren’t you? Well done”

Her cheeks burned.

She couldn’t pinpoint exactly why. Whether it was his praise or him referring to her as ‘little’, as he peered down at her gazelessly. She was unsure. But she decided to physically take a step back, hoping some distance might quell the rising blush.

“Oh I…well…” she stammered after she realised she hadn’t said anything “…I wouldn’t say that. Though I’m sure Garreth appreciated it. Even if it did earn him a detention.”

“Yes…” Ominis’ tone shifted, a sudden sharpness cutting through “…it seems Gryffindors have a bit of a thing for you”

. . .

So maybe he was a little jealous…maybe

Though his mind spilled out over his lips without much thought, he knew what he was doing. He fished for any information he could about her little trip to see the cabbages. After she’d disappeared into the secondary greenhouse, Garlick called an end to the lesson and he’d lost track of her completely.

He wanted to know what Leander had said. What he had done…if anything.

“Gryffindors?” She laughed “…Well so far only two have been tolerable”

“Two?” He tried to question innocently but the jealousy rose in his throat like bile.

Leander!

“Who’s the second?” His tone betraying him again

“Natty” she spoke like the answer was obvious. Of course! Charms! Thank Merlin for Natty.

“Ah…have you not met Leander?”

“Oh I’ve met him. I found him to be quite…insufferable” she shivered at the memory of Leander. His clammy hand around her wrist, his blatant dislike for Slytherins, his constant oneupmanship.

Then Ominis grinned. Wider than she’d seen previously. The flash of pearly white teeth and the way he bit into his lip made her stomach flip.

“Sorry…” he mumbled but continued to smile wide “…I shouldn’t smile. But I can’t help but agree”

It was a little white lie. He didn’t actually mind Leander. If anything his stupidity was a constant supply of entertainment. That and his minor fued with Sebastian.

But now he was getting friendly with Evelyn.

And that simply wouldn’t do…

“So…” she cleared her throat “…Professor Sharp says you’re in need of some help.”

“That’s putting it lightly…” he chuckled, his brows knitting together in worry “…My Wiggenweld Potion’s utter rubbish. Wish I could just replace it with one from J Pippin’s” the tiny self-deprecating laugh that left him, broke her heart.

“Mind if I take a look?” Evelyn asked, the fear of over-stepping coming back to her in one tidal wave of paranoia.

“Be my guest…” he gestured towards the Cauldron, taking a step back out of her way. But she didn’t move.

“And you don’t mind me helping?”

Ah…

He’d overheard her conversation with Sebastian and Garreth…

…Well…not overheard…he was actively listening in

She was so sweet to think his sudden shift in attitude was because she had helped him. And not because of some silly hormonal obsession over her that he still could not place. He reigned in his emotions best he could, something he was never very good at. Sebastian often said he wore his emotions on his sleeve…or across his face in the form of an ever-changing mask.

“Of course I don’t…” he almost whispered, his voice far softer than he’d ever sounded. It almost shocked him. If he hadn’t known he’d said those words, he never would’ve believed that was his voice. “Why would I?”

“It’s just I…” she started, shaking her head in embarrassment after she was now confronted with her reasoning…He was sweet…how could she think he’d be upset over her trying to help “…it’s nothing, anyway…”

She rose on her tiptoes to peer into his cauldron, the stand just a little bit higher than hers due to his surprisingly tall frame. It leaned slightly closer to blue on the colour spectrum as it simmered away.

“This doesn’t look too bad…the colour is a little off. Suggests the Dittany wasn’t prepared properly.”

“Let me see…” he says, a phrase that ordinarily wouldn’t cause much fanfare. But as The Blind Slytherin took his wand and dipped it into the liquid, Evelyn stood transfixed.

“Does that let you…see?” She asked leaning into him out of curiosity. Purely…curiosity.

“In a way. It’s how I see colour. For example…” he withdrew his wand, a slight curl of disgust to his lips as he wiped the liquid on a handkerchief he pulled from his back pocket. The light at the tip of his wand turned green as he pressed his wand to her head.

“You have grey hair…” he said matter of factly, before removing his wand from her locks, a strand or two curling around the end as he pulled away.

Sebastian was right. He was perfectly capable.

“That’s fascinating…” she breathed a little too excitedly. Just him knowing that little bit about her made her smile giddily. “…perhaps you could use that to see what a proper Wiggenweld should look like” she said genuinely…but her choice of words earned a smirk and a raised eyebrow from Ominis.

“You don’t mean yours do you? That would be awfully big headed of you” he teased lightly.

She opened her mouth to apologise. She didn’t mean to insinuate she knew exactly what she was doing. For the most part she just read the instructions and applied what she already knew from cooking and baking. But when she saw the way he smirked down at his wand, tilting his head in her direction, she decided perhaps she needn’t be as cautious around him. Perhaps they could be…friends

“Well…Sharp did say I had a natural talent” she smiled back, the act itself clear in her voice and Ominis’ smirk widened to a smile.

She pulled the little vial of Wiggenweld she had made from her robes and passed it Ominis. He uncorked it with his teeth, possibly unwise considered she could’ve handed him anything, and poked his wand into it.

He trusts me!

Nodding, seemingly satisfied, he put the stopper back and passed the vial to her as she looked through her textbook.

Ominis could hear the soothing sound of pages turning as she read through her Potions book. Accompanying the tiny bubbles popping in his bubbling concoction, was the faint smell of Horklump juice. Not entirely unpleasant. It was earthy and warm. The constant breeze coming from the open window made him feel as though he were taking a walk through the woods.

And yet again, he found himself enjoying the smaller aspects of one of his least favourite subjects.

Off in the distance, the gentle hum of students going to their Common Rooms for the evening drew Ominis’ attention to the time. Potions was his last class, and the reminder that it was getting closer to curfew may ordinarily annoy him.

But he was with his new friend…

This is…lovely…

“Let’s start over…see what you may be doing wrong” she offered gently, still trying not to offend

“You mean; Let’s find out what I am doing wrong” he corrected and pulled the spare Dittany from the potions case to his right. Fifth pot in from the left, the lid slightly indented. He immediately began to chop the leaves, knuckles down into the foliage, guiding the knife. Flawless technique! He scooped them in his hand and waved it over to the cauldron…before he felt cold digits grab his wrist.

“Wait…” She guided his hand back to the chopping board coaxing the long ribbons of leaves from his palm.

“Here…” Her fingers weaved with his, flattening the pads of his fingertips against the Dittany.

“Cut sideways as well as lengthways. Smaller pieces disperse better in the cauldron. Even better if you can crush them.” She explained softly, whilst her hand worked against his to shift the ingredient. When her hand was clear, he reached for his knife again as she searched for a pestle and mortar.

He felt the ghost of her hand cup his, even after she’d left. His skin both frozen and on fire in her wake. Her phantom voice still whispered in his ear whilst she read the book again. He could hear her shifting around. And her presence just stood there caused the back of his neck to tingle.

“You really are a natural” he murmured, trying to shake her from his mind and focus on the now.

“Not a natural…” she replies half heartedly “…I cook and bake a lot. Potioneering seems quite similar so…I’m just transferring my skills”

“You like to cook?” He asked gently, ears pricking at any shred of new information. She was muggle-born at the end of the day. She likely had many skills he didn’t. From relying on magic on a day-to-day basis to growing up with house elves, He wasn’t the most domesticated of people.

“Not really…” she exhaled a laugh “…I have to. I live alone”

“Oh?” Ominis inquired almost gleefully. She was opening up! He was learning all about her! Her and Sebastian had spent quite a bit of time together but…he knew Sebastian wouldn’t ask about these sorts of things. He now knew something no one else did!

“Mmm hmm…” she hummed almost hesitantly. He heard her fold her arms around herself, the stiff fabric of her robes scratching against itself “…I never knew my father and…my mother. She passed away just a little over a year ago. I’ve had to teach myself a lot of different things…” she laughed singularly “…and then obviously coming here…it’s a lot of new experiences”

“I-I’m sorry…” Ominis muttered, immediately regretting pushing the issue.

He wasn’t the most…compassionate of people. He found it difficult to relate to matters he had no experience in. And especially when it related to family. He despised his family. It’s all he ever knew. Losing his parents would mean…nothing to him.

He tentatively reached a hand out to her shoulder and squeezed softly. He felt her stiffen beneath his hand and he felt the urge to pull away immediately. But her fingers brushed against his delicately and then dropped to the counter.

“Thank you…but honestly it’s fine. It was for the best” she explained, rather flatly but he took no offence to her tone.

“I understand”

She was quiet for a little while as he continued to work on his potion. He pulled a pipette from his potions set to help him with the Horklump measurements.

Her assessment was right. The only thing wrong with his potion was the Dittany. The moment the last drop of Horklump juice touched the liquid it bloomed a bright, almost neon green.

“You did it!” She chirped, completely different from the somber tone she had just moments previously.

“Well…I had some help. Not as much as I would have liked but…” he teased, a soft gentle smile on his lips.

“It seems you didn’t need it…”

Masterlist

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mechacringekitty · 10 months ago

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incredibly messy essay of my thoughts on darkstalker, straight from my DMs with a friend because they demanded i post it [which means it has incredibly improper grammar]

hes an awful awful person, unapolagetically, and i think there are scenes and areas where he could've been written better. or had more nuance, like his dynamic with arctic [why do they hate each other ?? theres no explanation given, really, besides the fact that they do] but people who reduce him to a monster just baffle me. he loved his mother, he loved whiteout, he tried to love clearsight even though he did it wrong. and clearsight/darkstalker is a really iffy territory, because he did love her and he thought he was loving her right but he wasnt he was kind of controlling and bad! the earrings !! the earrings that kept her from seeing the bad futures !! but he also loved her, he did. their relationship was doomed from the start but he tried. she loved him back too, thats why it didnt work. thats why it hurt so much. he loved his mother too,, the few brief interactions they got in arc 2 hurt me to my core because fuck foeslayer loved him too, even though she realises he's done bad things. and whiteout!! whiteout!! she's one of the only characters we see darkstalker actually properly caring about in a way that doesnt really hurt them somehow. i think she loved him too,, she tried to warn him, she did :( ive thought about them a lot, maybe darkstalker trying to calm whiteout down at times, or them hiding with each other while arctic and foeslayer fought. arctic and foeslayer make me really ill too but this rant is getting long enough as it is. darkstalker lost a little of his pizzazz in arc two because of how domination focused he was and the writing went more focused on making him this evil, hateable villain [imo] than a relatable and understandable villain. which is the best kind of villain. i hate the peacemaker thing i hate it i hate it and that scene in book ten makes me cry every time because he was hurt by it he was so hurt by it. he didnt need a second chance, he needed to die, he needed to reconcile with himself and accept that there was no way he would ever save any of it. something like him coming to his senses, him realising everything he's done is awful and hurtful and he's not ever going to be able to fix it, but he can at least apologise even if the icewings dont accept his apology, not all of them, they'll understand they havent been hating a monster without feelings this whole time,, and maybe some of them can start to understand him and they can start to heal and they can stop hurting each other. but he needed to die and it needed to be on his own terms and i think foeslayer shouldve gotten her peace with that and i think if i were here i wouldve chosen to die too. the world is so different from what either of them knew and i would be tired of trying to change and i would be tired of trying to fix it and i think ending that legacy right there and right then with the two of them together wouldve been good. and maybe foeslayer can tell darkstalker she loves him - maybe she never had time when he was a kid - and maybe he can tell her too and they can leave that world together with the knowledge that they tried but they dont have to try anymore.

#if you're just here to say “i hate darkstalker” fuck off btw <3 #hound.txt #wings of fire #darkstalker wof #darkstalker wings of fire #idk what to tag this with even???#enjoy. have fun.

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heavyhitterheaux · 1 year ago

Note

FL CONCEPT : Urban and FL get into a big argument! Maybe he said something jokingly and she took it to heart so she’s really upset and doesn’t speak to him for a whole week 🤭

I’m messy, call me MESSYca 😈

"Bestie, are we still going to Morris Deli?" Urban asked as he poked your cheek, but you immediately rolled your eyes.

"Go with your other bestie since he's the one you always tell everything to anyway."

"Uhh, what are you talking about?"

"Oh, like you don't fucking know." You fired back and Urban threw his hands up in confusion.

"Obviously I don't! Hence, why I'm asking. Don't start this shit again."

"Start what exactly? Go head Urby, Say it."

"HOLDING ONTO SHIT!"

"BECAUSE YOU LIED TO ME LET’S GET THAT PART FUCKING STRAIGHT! And you had the nerve to say the other day when Clay introduced us to the girl he's dating that you hope that I let him have a peaceful relationship and not be on his back all the time and you would be surprised if the relationship lasts for a week."

"I WAS JOKING."

"WELL IT WASNT FUCKING FUNNY BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHY I DO IT AND WHY I'M SO PROTECTIVE OF ALL OF YOU. SO GO BY YOUR FUCKING SELF!"

"Y/N, COME ON! I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT."

You simply made your way to walk up the steps as Jack had opened the front door and saw the pissed off look on your face.

"Uh, baby what's wrong?" Jack asked and you simply waved him off and continued walking up the steps and turned to Urban and eyed him.

"You better not be the cause of that. Why is my baby upset?" Jack said to Urban as he pointed towards the steps.

"Umm, you see what had happened was…"

"What the fuck did you do?"

"Uhh she didn't like how I joked about her breaking up Clay and his girl like she used to do all of my other relationships."

"And the dumbass of the year awards goes to…"

"I didn't mean anything by it." Urban quietly said as Jack was trying to think of how he could get you to agree to talk to Urban because he knew for a fact that you were the queen of the silent treatment.

"But you know how she feels about that! She thought that you would never forgive her for doing that even though there were good intentions behind it!"

"Didn't think about that."

"CLEARLY!"

Jack went upstairs to check on you and found you laying down and when you saw him, you immediately got up to hug him.

He simply rubbed small soothing circles on your back as he now heard you crying and waited for you to speak.

"Do you think Clay thinks that I'm going to do the same thing?"

"No, babe. Even though he knows how protective you are, he at least came to us first and told us. He didn't hide it. That's no shade to Urb, but it's the truth."

"I don't want anyone taking advantage of him either. I will literally flip my shit if someone hurts my little baby."

"I know and I'll be right there with you."

"I hope you didn't come up here to convince me to talk to Urby because my answer is no."

"But baby..."

"NO."

It had been an entire week since you spoke to your best friend and he was going through it.

You decided that this had gone on long enough and knocked on his bedroom door.

You heard his voice telling you to come in and when you did he was surprised to see you.

"Y/N…"

"Get your keys, we're going to get food and you're driving. Jack's already downstairs."

"You know I never meant to hurt your feelings and you know how important you are to me. That's not me at all."

"Urby, I'm hungry so I suggest you come on because I will leave you and I love you too. Pay for my food and I just might forgive you."

"At least you didn’t tell me you wanted a Birkin."

"Don't push it Wyatt because I can always change my mind."

#jack harlow #jack harlow fic #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x black reader #jack harlow concepts #first lady of pg concepts #nattinatalia

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eclipse-rain · 2 years ago

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TR ; Yin and Yang : Part 2

☆☆☆

Warnings; Pronouns : she/her, Slight manga spoilers, TW : ¿slight? angst, Tense you/your

Part 1 •Part 3

Masterlist~

You never knew your biological father.

You think you werent suposed to ever find out anything about him.

You think they tried to shelter you.

Your mother and brother did.

To keep it from you like they did with so many other things. Shelter you from the outside world that the eyes and ears of a child are not ment to yet witness.

You heard your mothers husband, your brothers father, had an affair with another woman. That was how your younger non-blood related sister was born.

You wondered why that happened.

Why he had an affair with a woman other than your mother. Why he would do such a thing since mother really seemed to love him so much.

Than again you were never told how you were brought into the world either.

How you came to be.

It had to have happened before he cheated on mother considering you were older than his daughter, even if it was only by a couple months.

Although, even after considering your similarities to that sister you didnt think you were brought into the world quite like how she was.

You didnt think she was born out of love like how you thought shin and his younger brother were. But you also thought that the reason she was born wasnt the same as your reason for birth either.

Which begs the question once again.

Why were you born?

Why didnt she throw you away?

Your mother.

Why didnt she get rid of you?

Out of a sense of responsibility?

They were right.

You knew they were.

When they had said everyone would have been better off if you were never born.

And your mother and brother tried to keep that from you. To shelter you from the truth. But even if you hadnt found out that day, before you even knew the meaning behind those words you were hearing, you probably would have found out one way or another.

Your mother loved your brothers very much.

She even loved their sister who was not her own.

But did she love you?

Could she have?

I mean could she really have?

When you grew old enough to finally comprehend and understand you came to a conclusion.

You didnt think you could have if you were in her position.

So you always asked yourself those two reoccurring questions.

'Why was i born?'

And,

'Why didnt she get rid of me?'

I guess the time had just finally come.

At the worst time when you finally dared to have hope.

You were cast aside.

You were thrown away.

Like you were always ment to be.

You had fooled yourself too long on the delusion of hope. Hope for a better future, for a better life in this world.

Mabey it actually gave you a bit of relief like how it did when your mother died and you thought you no longer had to be kept on the edge of uncertainty, of unknowing. A scared child who finally didnt have to stay strong anymore.

Or so you thought.

You were taken away in that black car and away from any dream, any hope, of a regular life with a normal happy family you had at that time.

Now you had two new questions to answer.

What was your purpose in life?

And where would you go from here?

Unfortunately, though, you didnt know if it was unfortunate for yourself or everyone else, you could now only see one direction that would point you in the direction in which might answer those questions.

And that was down.

Down the wrong path.

The path of darkness.

The path of no return.

Or so they say.

Who's they?

You weren't really sure.

You didnt think anyone was really sure.

No one really knew.

But people fear the unknown.

They fear the darkness.

The embodiment, the physical apperance of the unknown in this world.

Not you though.

You would embrace it.

You had to.

Or it would consume you too.

Then mabey embracing it was like sentencing yourself.

But if that was the case than at least it was the first thing in your life that you had control over.

And you would do anything in your power to keep it that way.

To keep yourself from ever again feeling the powerlessness of those days in which you could do no more than watch as your life was debated right in front of you and you couldnt do or say a single thing to stop it.

When your life was thrown around in front of your eyes carlessly like you were a rag doll. A side character in a story getting in the way of the main characters happiness.

Like you were a doll who was only ment to sit still while her body was moved for her. Her arms and legs repositioned and her face painted on like a mask.

A mask to cover the fact that while she was beautiful on the outside, on the inside she was only hollow.

That she didnt have a soul.

So to keep yourself from ever being thrown away again you would put a lock and chain around your heart and build up the walls of the barrier that had long been forming behind your mask.

You would throw yourself down the path of darkness.

Of tranquillity.

Of refuge.

The only refuge left in this world for you.

You, who had finally been cast aside after being kept on the edge of your seat, on the edge of that pirate ship plank, would take the plunge into that icy water below, into that unknown.

So you would no longer have to seek out those things, for if you let the power to have those things rest in other peoples hands to hold over you it could strike a fatal blow.

A final blow.

One you could not return from and if that would be the case you would rather the finishing blow be by your own hand.

That even if it was in your last moments you would be the one to have control over your own life.

Of course this change didnt happen straight after you were taken away in that black car.

No, no. It didnt happen until two years later.

You had not been so weak willed that you could not retain sanity or understanding or compassion for the situation you and your older brother were in. You had done it many times before.

Fought down your own feelings to please others. Why talk when you could say something wrong? Why breath when you shouldnt be alive in the first place?

'A waste of space' they told you. Live like your dead so you dont bother those around you, thats the least you could do.

And so you would do that once again, although it didnt bother you as much when it was for your brother. Yes, your feelings were hurt but you could understand, couldnt you?

There were responsibilities, there were priorities. So you could push your own feelings aside to not be a bother or a hinderance of any sort. And if you werent a priority for your older brother than you couldnt do a thing about it. Of course this was all just your thought, the way your mind worked, the thoughts that were always flowing without end.

It was another thing in your life that you had no control over. But you tried your best to do so and so you pushed everything as deep in your heart as you could, put everything on the highest shelf so you wouldnt have to face it.

You chose to remain ignorant so that you could keep your older brother even for a little longer. Only, you didnt know how little time that would really be.

You think it actually all started, your decent into the unknown, when locks of your hair fell like those flower petels withering.

Those flower petels, the ones from the flower you layed at the side of your mothers picture.

They withered as time went on.

And so did you.

They say time heals all wounds.

The same 'they' that are afraid of what they dont understand and so in their hardest efforts not to face the truth they make the most practical understanding they can for themselves.

So they can stay ignorant in their own little bubble without having to face the outside world.

Mabey thats what you were doing too.

Creating your own little bubble.

Mabey you were just like them.

Or you would have been, if that bubble hadnt been popped.

Mabey you could also have been blissfully ignorant.

But that chance had long passed you by and the most ignorance you had instead were the four walls of the barriers around your heart that time had also built up. As well as the walls of the orphanage where you were forced to grow up.

The dull damp grey walls that looked like they would blow apart if there was a strong enough wind.

The walls of the orphanage, not the ones around your heart.

No, no, those ones had been built far sturdier, time had been kind to them and done them well, at least thats what you thought.

More hair fell.

Lock by lock you got rid of one of the cursed key features that made you be abandoned by your brother, to you, hacking off as much as your could without mangling your face.

Of course after your mother died and you were abandoned by your older brother there was no adult left to take care of you, shelter you, so naturally you would be staying right you always had been.

In that damned orpahnage.

Though now you thought that if you were going to say goodbye to that same brother, whatever feelings you now held, which even you couldnt quite discern, you should at least not look the same as when he had last seen you.

The last time you had seen him alive which was also the time he had abandoned you.

And mabey for that reason. Your damned appreance. Your damed hair which you hacked off in an effort to pretend like you were actually doing something useful to relieve your anger.

You thought back to that time. The time you last saw him.

No, not the time after your mothers funeral. Not the time you were taken away in that black car by another social worker and back to the orphanage instead of to a warm and happy house with your brother.

But two years after.

Just a little while before the accident that permanently ment you would never again get to see your older brother.

It happened on a day much like the day of your mothers funeral, another day in the pouring rain.

Only this time you had been the one who chose to walk away from shin instead of being taken away from him forcefully.

You heard that hair holds memories.

So that when a girl gets broken up with thats why the first thing they do is cut their hair.

To get rid of the memories, good or bad, to start anew.

To be reborn.

The same could be said here, only when you were done and the slight cuts on your fingers bled from where you were careless with your scissors, you seemed to have replaced one dead face with another.

A newer ghost of a person.

Now instead of the last one you had buried you looked like one whos blood had only recently been spilled. Whos body was basically still warm.

And whos funeral you had been preparing to somewhat attend.

Looking at yourself in the mirror, the way your hair now hacked off into shorter pieces fell around your face, shaping it, made you look strikingly and sickeningly like your older brother, Shinichiro.

The one who now lay in that casket instead of your mother.

Of course he had also looked like your mother.

You both shared much the same face as her, you had heard that his younger brother also had a strong resembalance to her.

You recalled how your mother and even shinichiro had loved your long hair. Your mother would often spend time brushing the soft locks as she sat in her hospital bed with you sat close in front of her body.

She would praised it by saying how beautiful you were and shinichiro would chime in saying you took after her as you would agree and giggle at the compliments you were given.

She would sit and brush it all the while you both talked together in the hospital. And then when ever you would leave and return to the orphanage you often felt a sensation, almost ghost like, of a hand, your mothers hand as she stroked the top of your head.

Then your mind would immediately switch to how shinichiros much bigger, stronger, hand would roughly pat the top of your head with his calloused fingers from working on the bikes in his mechanics shop daily.

Then the question of why you were at the orphanage at all would continuously pop into your head.

Why did shinichiro and his little brother get to live with their grandfather while you lived in this place. Even their little sister lived with them as well.

You had heard that she had previously lived with her mother and her mothers husband but shin had taken her in to live with him when she was three.

This you had not heard from shinichiro or your mother like the other bits and pieces you heard from them about your other siblings. This, you were told by someone diffrent but also in much the same situation as you.

You wondered why emmas mother was willing to let her live with shinichiros family when she already had a family and why didnt your mother, who knew you didnt have any other family, let you live with them as well.

Were you missing something? Were they keeping something from you like they always were? Trying to shield you again? Or was it all just a misunderstanding, a mistake?

Was it because they all shared the same dad while you had no blood relation to him. Their dad had been their grandfathers son so perhaps that was the case. You were only the child of his son's wife so could you really be allowed to be part of their family.

You stared at yourself in the mirror.

You saw your older brother staring back at you.

Your eyes had always looked rather lifeless, creepy even, you had been told by others, but now even more so.

No matter how hard you tried then you couldnt recall what it was like to cry.

Or when the last time you had cried was.

You hadnt shed a single one at even your own biological mothers funeral.

Your eyes remained bone dry, no tears would flow.

Not now, not then, not since a long time.

You had heard that shinichiros younger borther had the opposite problem.

And that he thought it must have stemmed from the conversations he had with his mother. The start of his dream to be strong, to protect.

The conversations about his father in which he recalled the only memory he had of the man before he died. That was of a little superhero action figure and what it ment to be strong.

'Mikey had always tried his hardest to be strong' - like those memories, you had been told.

He always tried his best not to cry. But you, you had the oppsite problem.

You couldnt cry anymore.

No matter how much you wanted to, no matter how much you tried to make the tears come out, your eyes remained dry.

And your heart remained void.

Another memory had started to resurface but you forcefully pushed it away when you heard a noise behind you.

When you turned that person seemed to have just seen your face properly. It was also their first time seeing you with your hair cut short.

You knew then, by the look on their face, that you werent the only one who thought you looked like your older brother.

Like Shinichiro.

"You're not going to the funeral...are you?" You asked in a monotone voice.

You caught the hint of a grimice when you looked him in the eyes, much like how shinichiro had done when you had started to look a bit too much like your mother after her passing.

You stared at the man who had returned back to the dazed look on his face seeming as of he were a million miles away. The man who chose to ignore you as you didnt get a responce to your question but you didnt need one, you knew the answer. You knew he would not be going.

You would once again have to walk up that aisle alone. There would be no hand to guide you this time. You knew shins death had hit the man hard, as it did you. You suposed you just were able to hide it better since hiding your emotuons was something that you had long grown accustomed to doing. You also knew that was most likely the reason he was not going to his funeral and also because of the last interaction this man had with your older brother.

One you had unfortunately been present for. One which unfortunately had also been your last interaction with shin.

At that time you had once again been made witness to the broken trust of another person. Witness to the lies and the heartbreak. To both sides of the story and the unfareness of the world.

Something you were too young to have already witnessed countless times before.

And when your that young and someone who has never yet learned how to rest and been witness to such betrayal, the lines get skewed.

Good and bad. Morals and empathy.

You learn from the wrong person, witness the wrong things and suddenly your walking a whole diffrent path wheather you mean to or not.

You had blocked that out as well, when your vision had been blurred, the lines turned askew. As many seemed to do as a coping mechanism.

Maybe it started at your first betrayal mabey at your last. Mabey it was when your mother died or the conversation you had had with her just before her health went downhill for the final time.

The conversation that would never leave your mind no matter how much you wanted it to.

The day when your mother had taken a turn for the worst in the hospital and you knew the end was near.

That day when the rest of your astranged family all gathered in the hospital as you peered at them from around the corner of one of the white hospital walls.

Those two siblings that you had never before met and their grandfather who knew of your existence and often sent you small presents on your birthday or get well wishes through shin whenever you fell ill but who you had never personally met either.

And shin stood in the middle of them all as you peered around the corner at him hoping he would spot you as you had come looking for him.

The news had just been shared. Your mother was dead and they were just about to go into the room to see her lifeless body laid out on the hospital bed where she spent the last years of her life.

You had yet to see her but you had been with her when she had taken a turn for the worst.

You were the one who alerted the nurses and made the call to your older brother about what had happened before the hospital could.

You had yet to see her lifeless body but you didnt want to, you couldnt, not when you had been the last one to see her alive.

You could hear the crying of a young girl from inside the room and you watched as a moment later a blond haired boy who looked much around your own age stormed out of it and veered towards the staircase before decending down them.

That must have been shins younger brother. The one who was so hung up on the idea of being strong. You wondered then what his idea of strength was. If he could cry without restraint in a house where he didnt have to be strong to survive. When he could rely on other people, the people around him, his loved ones and the ones who loved him back and if he couldnt than his only barrier was himself.

Like yours was, like your is.

Although you hadnt started to build barriers around your heart until a while later.

But you already know how that part of the story goes.

A minute later shin also came out of the room. His head turned in all directions around the hall. He was probably looking for his younger brother who had left the room a little while before him, you had thought at that time.

And mabey he was or mabey he was really looking for you. You didnt know and you didnt want to find out so that if the answer was one you didnt like you wouldnt have to bury your feelings once again like you always did for those around you. For the sake of happiness for everyone else even at the cost of your own.

"He went that way" you said as you pointed a small finger in the direction of the stairs in which Manjiro, Shins younger brother had decended.

Shin had stopped when you said that. You expected him to turn and go in the direction you had pointed to, to follow and console his brother but he only stared at you.

You had stayed in your position hiding behind the corner of the hospital wall when you had spoken, only showing half of your body. Shin started to slowly walk over to you and you backed behind the wall more. So that you would both not be seen together if anyone were to leave your mothers room and venture into the hall or if his brother were to walk back up the stairs that also led to it.

He turned the corner to follow you and now with you both behind the wall he was standing in front of you as you both stared at each other neither knowing what to say.

What could he say in this situation. He didnt know. He was the adult. Ten years older than you who was only two months older than Emma. Making you thirteen months younger than Mikey. You were still a child and you had just lost your mother.

The only parent you had and the only other person you had with you all your life other than him. What could he possibly say except...

"Im sorry" he murmured as his voice cracked holding back tears.

"I'm so, so sorry" he repeated as he knelt down on the hard white tiles of the hospital floor in front of you and wrapped his arms around your much smaller body.

You could do nothing more than stay still as he hugged you. It hit you then. Your mother was really dead this time. There was no going back from here.

You couldnt move. You couldnt cry. You couldnt think.

It was a rush of everything and nothing all at once.

So you just let him hold you.

You let yourself rely on him.

And that was the worst mistake you could have made.

But you couldnt stop yourself.

And in that moment you didnt want to stop yourself.

Right then all you wanted was to fall into his warm embrace.

You wanted to soke in your amazing older brothers light and reminisce in all the memories you had with your mother that you would never have again and that you could never make more of.

But that embrace he gave you spoke to you.

It told you kind words.

Words that said 'its going to be alright'.

And just for a little while...you would let yourself believe that.

☆☆☆

If i accidentally delete one more of my drafts i will have a mental break down and you will be made hear about it 👹.

@rianemorgan @kazuhabrainrot @night-shadowblood-writes2

Anyone who comments gets tagged unless you specifically say you dont want to be tagged in your comment just so ye know.

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bunnidid-reviews · 1 year ago

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I got the second Elle(s) book today and ofc read it soon as I could

Some thoughts:

- this book focuses more heavily on the inner world exploration, and I found the art to be even more dynamic and lovely in this one

- Blue takes over the host position from the previous book, because of the loss of her aunt and shocking revelation that Elle was adopted as a baby. The whole book is about rose Elle finding her way out of the inner world and back to taking control of her life

- we get a little bit more development on the other parts of Elle, since Rose interacts with them as she’s going through each of the inner worlds. But there’s not a lot there, if I’m honest? They all act like strangers that happen to be dragged into the story rather than parts of your very self who’ve always had a sense of being at least connected to you in some way. Especially since its implied that Elle has ‘had problems with this before’, and she purposefully made these inner worlds for each of them, we as the reader are left confused to how much they actually know eachother.. theres just not much there

- and as for Blue, the one part who’s been looming over both this book and the last, we don’t know much about her either, aside from being manipulative and stealing money and clout off her friends. If she’s supposed to be a persecutor part, she has no obvious drive outside just ~being evil~. (To quote my very own blue-colored persecutory part; “What a lazy bitch”)

- this.. ending..?

(The text reads: Wow! Embryos merged? So that means.. I really am six different people! )

Maybe it’s a problem with translation, but the tone of this picture and text really cuts off any of the built up tension thats been riding throughout the book.

- this book never explicitly mentions DID as being a diagnosis, so it’s more of a concept of multiple personalities being used in a different way…

I’m not someone who’s going to speak on what makes ‘enough’ trauma to create DID, because birth complications and adoption are traumatic, and it’s also not something I have experience with. I can’t speak on how this would feel for people who had twins and lost them for it to be portrayed this way, though. In the book, this is clearly stated to be some sort of Special Unreal Circumstance and I found that.. in weird taste..

-it’s not.. DID. I thought the adventuring through the inner worlds would be more about making honest connections and getting to know these parts of her more fully, but Elle’s journey was really just about pulling herself up by the boot straps and switching back out. She doesn’t really have trauma and this book makes it super clear

-I’m disappointed that there wasnt much time spent with brunette Elle because she really seemed to be grieving honestly in the last book, I thought theyd be helping eachother more. But its.. not reallyyy and its shown as growth anyway

-I like the series but I can’t really take it very seriously. It has the vibes of seeing all the major plot points of someone’s OC stuff without all the extra content that fleshes out the characters.

———

I might just be in a mood because I feel very out of place with my own DID at the moment(I’m usually fairly comfortable, but I think I might be having a DPDR episode), but I’ve been sitting on the Elle(s) series for a good few months now, and I don’t really get any deeper connection

I’ll get the next book anyway and see if any of it ties up more neatly. I know its the artists’ first comic I believe, so maybe theres not so much depth becauseeee offff inexperience. Or translation issues because I believe it came out elsewhere first. I dont know!

O well, enjoy my short review

#dissociative identity disorder #did in media #actuallydid #elle(s)#bunnidid reviews #also in a weird place about liking the art and having a really hard time reading it with all the extreme lighting #supposedly she gets streaks of color in her hair for each of the parts she helps but its really not visible throughout any of it #wheres my DID magical girl transformations :( smh have to do everything myself

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sadisthetic · 2 years ago

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jaya string of fate au

ive mentioned string of fate au a few times here. ive finally put it together into a post. okay so the reason why ive taken so long to transfer this is bc ITS FROM JULY OF LAST YEAR. i wasnt sure if i should lightly edit it or rewrite it. because it started out as me complaining about rebooted and then me fucking craving fanfiction and hurt (i do this 24/7) and then it morphed into this au that also doubled as character/relationship analysis and me fixing rebooted with my bare fucking hands in the context of this au

anyways. jaya string of fate au with emphasis on the heartbreak of s3. half of this was written half a year ago. man i was so mad about s3 back then lol

been thinking about s3 again. whats even more frustrating about the bad het drama. is that they didnt even give jay and nya a proper break up. granted their get together wasnt on screen either BUT IF YOURE GONNA OH SO RUDELY TEAR THEM APART LIJE THAT. THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS DO IT WITH MORE FUCKING PURPOSE. THE WRITERS JUST PITCHED A WRENCH INTO THE WORKS AT BULLET SPEED JUST BECAUSE! JUST BECAUSE THEY WANTED DRAMA. BUT FOR WHAT!!!!!!!!! MAKES ME FUCKING MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL IT DID IS DO JAY DIRTY AND NYAS CHARACTER DIRTY

nyas fucking integrity spit on. you didnt have to make her be like that. it just really fucking made her look BAD. god i wont say jay was a perfect boyfriend but he didnt deserve THAT.

anyways. i want a canon compliant jaya breakup fic set in s3 (present jem speaking: I STILL WANT THIS BY THE WAY.) im so certain nobody has written this. i think heartbreak could be a form of whump if you make it hurt enough.

well. technically. it would be more emotional hurt fic rather than whump. but im a guy who has his definitions twisted. this is whump to me. also im a guy who thinks unromantic things as romantic but also loves love thats void of romance above anything else. i can do both. anyways.

i want jay to feel absolutely crushing heartbreak. i want jay to be hurt. i want him to feel it in his chest. unfairness— rending, jealousy— twisting, want— squeezing. all he yearns for is to be with nya. because he loves her. but apparently... nya doesnt feel the same way. and it hurts

i want to consume heartbreak. i think itll be crunchy on the outside but soft and squishy on the inside. absolute chewable pleasure. lightly salty and bittersweet. i also wanna squeeze jays heart like a stress ball and maybe cause arrhythmia. scratch it a little (a lot). jay is my emotional and physical fucking chew toy

and so to make heartbreak a bit more whumpy tho... i thought up of red string of fate au...

in this version of this concept, the red string of fate is something that needs to be tied by the pair together. and the feelings behind it is what gives the string color. but sometimes if a love is fated to be, the red of the string is instantly, intensely vibrant, almost glowing

but you dont know who your soulmate is until you actually get together and tie the knot. it is not preexisting, the string does not connect people together for them to find each other before they even know the other exists. it only exists when two people make the decision to bind each other to themselves. most people dont find their soulmate but because its so often the case ppl are content with someone who isnt bc you dont need to find love in your soulmate alone, love is abundant in other places. but that isnt to say the red string of fate isnt romanticized in society tho. anyways. nya likes jay and their string is a pleasant warm red thats a little pink. its typical color for those who arent soulmates but its ok

jay is a little smitten in a slightly overbearing way tho. i think they are a couple who are a little bit mismatched in terms of showing affection. and also nya is very independent type so jays chivalrous tendencies grates on her a little but she lets it slide bc to her, jays positives outweigh his negs. hes cute and funny and they both can geek out and bond over tech stuff. thats a part of the fun.

but then the match maker thing happens and nya doesnt immediately start considering cole as a romantic interest. but she does start... considering things tho. why cole could be her match. and if he really is her soulmate. why isnt jay her perfect match? its less nya becoming interested in someone else and more nya examining herself to think about what she actually wants for herself and what she wants in a person and if jay really isnt the right guy for her in the end. she doesnt know if cole would actually give her what she wants more than jay does. but she does grow more aware of the mismatch between her and jay

but before anything could be done about her doubts and dismiss it all and just carry on with their relationship, jay finds out in the trailer and is devastated. and intensely jealous of cole.. because hes been a bit insecure about his and nyas relationship for a while now also. he jumps the gun too quick before nya could reassure him so then that Fight happens and things get messy and ugly really fast. jay makes himself look really bad in front of nya which unfortunately reinforces her doubts in jay and she thinks. maybe they shouldnt be together after all.

and so one night nya talks to jay alone. she explains herself. how shes been feeling about them. how she wants to focus on herself. and that hes too much for her and hes stifling her and she thinks it would be better if they cut things off and go back to being friends. and then she cuts the string that binds them together before jay could even object. it stings for nya but for jay it feels like his heart was sliced in two. literally. he feels a sharp pain that makes him clutch his chest. for nya, she had more time to process the severance. because she was sorta falling out of love for a while. her side of the string has become desaturated and dull. which is why she doesnt hurt as much

she doesnt realize how much jay truly loves her and how much it would hurt him when the string was cut. so when jay falls to his knees, tears falling, she just turns and walks away because she thinks its just from the heartbreak. she knew she was breaking jays heart

she doesnt realize how much hes literally hurting, how she left his heart bleeding. she knew but she didnt know. its most painful experience jay has ever felt in his life. a searing ache. theres a sudden painful void instead where there once was nyas love. its loss that was much too abrupt

heartbreak cant kill a person but it can leave them wounded. and with an abrupt disconnection like that, its why jay hung onto those feelings for nya for months after even tho he never acted on them. his half of the string refused to wither away and he didnt want to discard it either. how could he when he still loved nya. but he couldnt do anything about it though. nya made up her mind. and jay knew her well enough that she would probably hate him more if he chased after her. and so... he kept his feelings close to his chest and his sad, loose thread wrapped around his finger tight all the way until skybound...

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okay. now present day jem speaking. that was the end of original story i had written on twitter... its meant to be a missing scene (inbetween seasons) fic + au. canon compliant except for the fact its set in this au. so skybound more or less carries out the same way. except minor details being changed...

such as nadakhan approaching jay. he tells him he cannot fix or create strings of fate. but he can give him other means of winning nyas heart...

although this isnt a part of the “fic” i do imagine at the end of their divorce era.... nya who had casted away her old string, remakes her string to tie to the end of jays (and her) old one where she cut in. the thing is making strings of fate is something anyone can do regardless of being fated to be or not. what the string of fate is in this au is more of an oath... an intention to be together to the end of time. the two people are choosing to bind their fate to each other. nya, who had felt stifled in a relationship and decided she didnt need to be in one back all the months ago, realized something in skybound.... the string of fate isnt a contract or a shackle. not like how she thought... its a sentiment of how much you care about somebody to want to be connected forever. till death do us part. and jay very sincerely wanted that. he wanted to be with nya forever. and nya realizes... despite all his flaws, she really cares about him. she does want to be with him forever. she wants to be together with everyone, all her friends, her family forever. i think she doesnt know the nature of her feelings for jay. they are a bit conflicted and shes not sure how to sort out her desires from her feelings. but i think she decides to give jay a second chance of sorts. when they tie the loose ends the color on nyas side is an ambiguous grey barely tinging pink

she tells jay she doesnt want to just get back together. she wants them to start over. and jay isnt sure what that means. and by the color of the string hes not sure if it means theyre dating again either. its a very ambiguous ground theyre standing on. but... jay takes the fact that nya retied their string to mean something. that nya isnt rejecting him anymore. that she cares. that he means something to her. it gives jay hope. his feelings for her havent changed... but he decides that to just be. and take things slow. hes happy even if hes confused by what nya wants. hes connected to her again.... and that means so much to jay

i think that their relationship from the end of skybound and onward is a bit more slowburn. well its a weird sorta slowburn. because theyre together but not really. its about them figuring their relationship out. and also nya falling back in love for reals. i love navigation of ambiguous relationships. i think for a while for nya the term “girlfriend”/“boyfriend” is more loaded than the term “soulmate”. thats how fucking weird their relationship got. whats not ambiguous is that nya does love him. she wouldnt have retied their string if she didnt. whats ambiguous is the nature of that love.... its not quite platonic but shes hesitant to call it romantic. whatever. they have time to figure it out

okay. that turned out so much more aro than i was intending. but i do like leaving it like that tho. feelings are difficult to navigate arent they sometimes? how they figure it out is up to whoever. love is love. they are more than “just” friends. but romance itself is a difficult and different beast than love. but jay and nya.... they meet halfway somehow. even if it takes a bit of work

ALSO. LOOK AT THIS ART BY DAN @rotten-dan he drew it for me several months ago when i first finished this au’s original thread which ended at the breakup skdjgthulkd. HEARTBREAK!!!!!!!!!!! YEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you again dan for drawing this for me

—

also. heres some bonus supplemental worldbuilding that doesnt pertain to story stuff but fleshes out how i picture the world in this au to work. most of this was written to answer dans questions about this au lol... not necessary to read unless if youre interested in my take of string of fate concept lol. or unless youre interested in the bit about bruiseshipping in this au at the very end

the string is often attached to the ring finger. so its a very romantic gesture when couples tie it together to each others fingers. like putting wedding rings on each other but its more of a cute fluffy thing rather than binding. not ceremony but its a Thing. its the same level of formality as asking someone out. and string is like. supernatural. its not completely physical but its definitely exists and can be touched. but not as if a literal string is tied to them if you know what i mean? like if the pair are far apart then the strings middle isnt visible but the ends that are tied floats towards the direction of their partner. the string is like. metaphysical. its a perceivable, somewhat tangible representation of love

but if desired the string can be cut if the parties want to separate. but it usually hurts. like a lot of breakups do.

okay so. the thing is with like. almost all soulmate aus. is that they know about their soulmate. or that the evidence of who it is is instantly visible. and like..... that sorta kills part of the fun? of falling in love?

so what if they dont know until they decide to try each other out first. thats the like. the thought behind the set up for this

like. theres sometimes the occasional dumbass whos going off constantly try to find their soulmate but ultimately a soulmate isnt someone you can simply Search for and find. so those kind of people end up being pricks who never will find a soulmate in their life because they dont want to work things out with ppl who arent their soulmate. the pursuit of a soulmate will usually end in disappointment

but sometimes. for the people who do find their soulmate. its because they gravitated to each other in the first place.

like they fell in love with each other naturally. they liked the person for who they are. and so they decided to get together because they enjoy the other person so much. so when they realize they are meant to be they laugh like oh of course! they were meant to be. theyre like the hallmark movie couple of couples and the few of the very lucky ones

not being soulmates doesnt mean you can only fall in love with your soulmate tho. you can fall in love with anyone. regardless of whether theyre your soulmate or not. and even if theyre not. why does that fucking matter? the important thing isnt that they arent meant to be, but that they love each other anyways. isnt that more romantic? fuck fate the one i love is you

usually nonsoulmate relationship take more work. because the instant perfect chemisty of fated couples isnt there. buuuut. isnt that how love is like in reality? love is work sometimes. love is sometimes hard. but love is also worth it. so making the decision to work for it is more easy the more youre in love. not always the case. but in the healthy couples its usually the case

previously that the feeling behind the thread gives it its color. so. the string can end up being a different color if the feelings felt arent romantic love. most people dont know this though bc ppl who usually tie it are couples. and also it takes both of them to tie the string. every single relationship has a theoretical string color. its just most people who actually want the string are couples usually couples. and so for example, most aros dont ever even think of trying to tie it with someone bc they dont want that kinda bind. but if a curious aro wants to try it out bc they are questioning about their best friend if the two of them agree just to see. their string could actually be a different color than red. because the feelings behind it are platonic

its also entirely possible for a string to be entirely black between enemies hfhjskl. but however those kind of pair would usually NEVER tie the string together bc you know hbghsk. enemies. but if they were. it would be that color. but maybe some insane enemies who are obsessed with each other would do it tho. you know fated enemies and such

..... i have thoughts about bruiseshipping in this au also. theyre best friends, they can bind each other if they wanted to. they have the mutual sentiment required to. but due to the culture surrounding the red string of fate specifically, they never think to. even if they did consider it once they didnt ever bring it up bc awkward!!!!!! the string of fate is the symbol of love. couples treat it a bit frivolously but it is a loaded thing. the string of fate is conversely isnt strictly about love but its just often the case when you want to connect the souls of two people for eternity its usually because of love. theoretically i think their string color would actually oscillate between black and their standard representative color (maybe ill go with light blue lol....) depending on if theyre fighting or not. because it would be funny if it did. also. i think they might try it only after jay and nya retie their string of fate. because then they see its an option to tie strings of fate nonromantically. so theyre like... hey.... do you wanna like... just see? and thats that. two besties bound. jay has two strings of fate now

hysterically it would be funny if all the ninjas did it to each other. it would be a mess. but a colorful one. you know those ship charts where ppl draw lines for their otps and notps. its like that but its not shipping its just relationships and also every single person is connected to every single other person. not saying it has to happen in this au its just that the image of it is so fucking funny to me i had to say it. it would be useful tho if they wanted to find each other wherever they are. practical

maybe they should do that. idk

anyways. thats the end of my au. the post is longer than my og thread of it hjhklkjlkghjf. anyways. thats my weird subversion of string of fate au for jaya. writing the endgame jaya part tonight made think again. damn. im so fucking aro. i think the way i write romance always turn out not so romantic because of it. but also. THIS IS PEAK ROMANCE. SUBVERT BORING ROMANCE TROPES INTO SOMETHING LESS AMATANORMATIVE AND MORE INTERESTING FOR YOUR ENRICHMENT. I RECOMMEND IT. ITS MORE FUN. thats my biased aro ass speaking tho. but for reals. subvert tropes. find out what makes something truly romantic. anyways thanks for reading all of this. i am very fond of this au..... especially for the breakup scene lol...............

#my concepts #jaya #jem.txt #ninjago talk #its shorter than hanahaki au at least #also this is THE MOST aro take on string of fate possible #there might be typos it is 5:30am #ninjago

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pippa-frost · 9 months ago

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I think - or at least it would make sense to me - that in S3 there will be an instance of Zira thinking Crowley's been destroyed.

To be honest, i thought it would happen during this season, but instead there was a continuing of the status quo in a way, with a flip at the same time.

In a way, both our boys have kept the same relationship as s1: they orbit each other in the name of helping/plotting together. However (to me at least) there was a shift underneath, they looked to be more free about their closeness, walking together unpreoccupied of being seen doing so, but this time Aziraphale seemed to be the one leading the mission, he is the confident one now, walking ahead, coming up with new plans, reaching for Crowley's help and opinions first, taking matters into his own hands; while Crowley seemed somewhat.. duller? It felt to me like he was sort of aimless during the first few episodes, sort of depressed, with little energy compared to both his s1 self as well as to his portrayal in the flashbacks (him living on his car certainly didnt help). I don't know. To me he seemed so serious this season, so... Tired.

(i dont actually know if there s more to the pandemic time skip in canon that i dont know about? Cause even Crowley mentions "the last year" during his confession, could someone clear that up for me? I might be missing context?)

I truly believed, to him (insert here the hurt and betrayed *So did I*) their win in s1 didnt turn out to be so much a 'we won' as it was a 'we didnt die' in the long run, cause while they didnt need to run off together, but they didnt end up together either, did they?

Anyway, by the end of s2, Crowley has:

1. Made CLEAR to the viewer that he LOVES Zira. (However it might NOT be so to Aziraphale)

2. "Confessed to him" (because while WE know it was a confession, Zira might have not) and asked to run off together.

3. Been rejected. (Again, WE know it wasnt because Zira doesn't love him, but He might NOT)

4. Believed Zira to be dead.

5. Learned Zira was alive.

6. Believed they would now get their maybe-not-quite-happy ever after, but at least a together-if-only-kind-of ever after, that could evolve to a real US happy ever after.

7. Realized the US wasn't coming (even if Zira seems to be content with this kind of together)

8. Realized (thanks to Maggy and Nina) that the US won't come at least he DOES SOMETHING ABOUT IT, which happens to be to communucate, which they BOTH SUCK AT (seriously is like they speak different languages, and of course there are valid reasons for this)

9. "Confessed" AGAIN (well, WE know it was a confession, not so sure about Zira)

10. Been rejected AGAIN (ditto) and thus, in his eyes, has laid all his cards on the table, he gambled and lost and will have to decide how to keep going. But whatever happens to that 'US' is now completely on Aziraphale's hands.

So, in a way, Crowley's arc so to speak is kind of at a standstill in regards to Aziraphale. Obviously is a huge grow in and of it self to look Aziraphale in the eyes and now reject HIM. (WE know he didnt reject Zira, he rejected Zira's conditions, but he LOVES him and he obviously will continue to do so)

To be true to himself and respect himself enough to ackwoledge that is not who he is, and he won't be even for Aziraphale.

Also WE know Zira didn't reject Crowley, he LOVES him, ALL of him, but he wants to gift him this, to give him the world, and what could that possibly mean other than giving him back his Grace, His Home, His Stars, Her Love? Taken from him only for asking questions?

But, again. Different languages.

So. Crowley now knows HE has to COMMUNICATE, and while he kind of failed at it, he took that first step which takes a fuck ton of courage, so now he has to work on perfecting it, but he already started.

But Aziraphale? Now it's up to him. And during the season we see him take more initiative: he's bolder in his interactions with Crowley, he has a pep in his step and a confidence we certainly didnt see in s1, hell, he PREPARED A DANCE FOR CROWLEY (we all know Maggie and Nina were just a bonus) and GRABBED HIM BY THE HAND AND PULLED HIM TO THE DANCE FLOOR.

But now it's HIS turn to COMMUNICATE. And he DOESN'T have Maggie and Nina to set him on the right path.

I think Gabriel and Beelzebub will play matchmaker now, or at least be of importance to the whole development (if anything i just really wanna see them together again), maybe they will help Zira, or maybe Crowley.

BUT. Aziraphale is in heaven. And there is no one in heaven to guide him. Anyone who could is either on earth or -hopefully- in Alpha Centauri,and can BE on earth, not so sure about heaven.

Aziraphel is alone.

So i think one thing that could set him in the right direction would be something awful enough to shake the very foundations of his beliefs: Crowley being gone.

So far, they have both loved each other, protected each other, worried for each other, 'confessed' to each other and 'rejected' each other.

But only one has believed the other to be dead.

Just saying, it d make for a very good parallel.

#Good Omens #Good Omens S2 #Good Omens S3 #Crowley #Aziraphale #They fucking love each other ok #analysis? sorta?#wishful thinking more like #I need this whump #Also FUCK the Metatron #he is who we really hate #sorry for the mistakes! on phone and non english speaker here #I just want the hurt to stop please

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winderlylandchime · 1 year ago

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2/2 of 2x08: ‘why is she acting like this? Is she okay? Oh god, is she sick? What’s wrong deb? Talk to me, redhead! *deb tells vic about ben* please, for the love of everything i own, stop talking. Why are you still talking? I said STOP! Twist your words? Deb, girl..that’s what you said, do you want me to rewind the tapes? AND TO SAY THAT TO VIC?! YOU WISH HE WASNT WHAT NOW? Listen to me Deb, straight still gets hiv. MIKE GET BEHIND ME, I MIGHT HATE YOU BUT I GOT YOU! OH NO HES HEARING HER! WASTING AWAY TO NOTHING? AND SHE SAYS THAT TO VIC OF ALL PEOPLE?! Poor vic. Fought for his life and now his sister says all that?! *pauses the tv and looks at me all scared* just so you know, i would NEVER say something like that to you. I might be an idiot but I’m not *waves his hand at the tv* that dumb…can you get me another soda?’… ‘he’s more sad for vic than himself? Damn, he has his nice moments. Deb, why would he have to tell you about Ben? That is literally none of your business. What’s up with you and Ted? SHE FORBIDS HIM FROM DATING BEN? Man, i hope Ben fucks the shit out of Mike this episode. I’m talking can’t walk for a week type of fuck! Because yall are pissing me off!’ And now the scene with britin is up!!!! ‘Ohhh look at them. Getting busy! Why is Justin talking about Ben? What is going on this episode..Man, ben has to have the craziest hiccups this episode. THATS RIGHT BRI! ITS MIKES DECISION! FINALLY SOMEONE WHO IS SMART! *pauses tv* justin. No. Please never do it raw. You can’t trust anyone THAT much. Cheating exists. And also you and Bri Bri don’t exactly have the most….how shall I put it nicely? Ethical relationship..is that respectful? Idk either way *shakes his head* no blondie! Brian..smack sense into him, don’t encourage him! GOOD BOY! EXACTLY BRIAN! Condoms are your best friend *shakes his pill bottle* next to these lil shits. HE WANTS HIM SAFE! AND HE WANTS HIM AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, YOU MIGHT AS WELL SAY I LOVE YOU! (My name) did you hear that?! He wants him safe! And around! FOR A LONG TIME! That’s like many years! I cannot wait for him to say i love you to Justin! Would be a dope finale. Like *pretends to be brian, ig* “Justin!!! I love you. And i wanna be with you!” Yeah that’s the shit!’ My heart breaks for when he’s gonna see the finale. ‘Brian looks good. Leather jacket, messy hair…i fuck with it. Ohhh i like Brian and this bandana chick! Look at him taking his kid to the park. OH FUCK HER PARENTS *the scene in the park with that random lady comes up* the fuck they do?! I bet Michael just got a boner hearing her say that..Brian..Brian, come on i was rooting for you! Not to be the devil’s advocate but at least his reasoning was nicer in some weird way.’ He just scoffed at the sight of Deb so i’d say he’s doing well ‘Deb..you’ve talked enough. I think you should be quiet for the next 3 episodes..oh vic forgave her way too fast! Couldn’t be me tho’ ‘…no offense but if your parents don’t like you, you really shouldn’t care..but i get it, our greatest fault as human beings is the need we all have to be loved, it’s the only thing we all have in common. *look at me as if he just saw me* ice cream! *goes to get ice cream*’ I honestly wonder how he would watch this if he wasn’t high as a kite. ‘Is justin blowing a strap on?? Go off, i guess! Oh shit oh shit! Oh the dad is having a blast. i am honestly impressed that brian is quiet’ The scene with Ben and Mikey is on and he is not okay ‘NO MIKE NO! I mean do what makes you feel comfortable but NOOO DONT LET THEM GET TO YOU! But also I support your decision but fuck’ this obviously ended with him going for a smoke and is currently outside talking to mom and lying about why he was MIA, he also tried to turn the subject on qaf but failed badly bc his attempt was ‘how would you feel if i had a boyfriend with hiv?’ It was followed by ‘no mom, i im not gay. I’m not. HE IS JUST A FRIEND’ Keep my soul in thoughts and prayers because i am going through it.

AHAHAH YES. Exactly. Deb is such a fucking hypocrite. Ugh she is the worst about Ben’s HIV. And then Michael makes it so fucking awkward when he confronts Debbie IN FRONT OF BEN.

Your brother screaming about a) wearing a condom and b) I WANT YOU SAFE AND I WANT YOU AROUND FOR A LONG TIME is all of us. He is in the fandom. Brian DOES love him.

“our greatest fault as human beings is the need we all have to be loved, it’s the only thing we all have in common” - I know you described him as a himbo but Brother Anon is spitting some serious thoughts here.

Asking your mom how she would react if he had a boyfriend with HIV. I am dyingggggg. I love you brother.

Thoughts & Prayers Anon. You are truly doing the lord’s work.

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023

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bumblyburg · 1 year ago

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ted lasso finale thoughts

Need the richmond women's team spinoff NOW!!!!!!!!!!! And it better have LESBIANS i swear to god!!!!!!!

As always the strongest part of this ep was the team dynamics. Roy joining the diamond dogs. Isaac with the penalty kick!!!! The fucking dance sequence callback T^T theres no place like afc richmond <3 Them winning the match but losing the whole thing was a good balance of success vs realism. I didn't know enough about football to predict it beforehand LOL but that probably worked in my favor bc i genuinely didnt know whether they would win or lose. Rebecca and ted's friendship was heartwarming as always. I was living in fear that they'd become a couple even though i knew that wasn't what the writers were going for, so I probably need to rewatch to fully enjoy it.

Tedependent lost RIP. it would have made sense but at the same time im kinda glad they didn't, at least this season. trent was still very much a side character and i just don't think the story beats were there for tedtrent endgame. the story would have had to been constructed differently, or it would need another season. I also liked how the main focus was ted & rebecca's friendship rather than either of their romantic relationships. I love a good romance but its not what this story is about.

Thats part of the reason why the dutchman return felt cheap to me lol. Sorry rebecca im always rooting for you but i just wasn't feeling it. Another part of that is probably because Ted and Trent had a much stronger foundation and we still didn't get to see even their friendship develop as much as i would have liked. Maybe ive been spoiled by all the trent this season idk. but i was just hoping for a little more. After all, it's not lost on me that we only got one confirmed gay couple at the end (we don't even know anything about Michael!!! Ugh sorry Im a michael hater he's so boring.)

Speaking of boring, I simply do not care about ted's family. So him moving back was... not really compelling for me. like none of the kansas characters are fleshed out at all. i wish they had done something more interesting with them so i could actually get invested. There was something there with michelle dating their couples therapist, but it ended up falling flat imo. Also Michelle being a teacher is a total copout, I would have preferred if she had an unexpected job that revealed a new side to her. Give her a personality outside of being a wife/mother/caretaker please and thank you.

I did like how Royjamie was left openended!!! thats the ship i care most abt and i knew it wasnt going to *actually* happen so im satisfied with what we got. I am in the (im assuming) minority of royjamie enjoyers that is against roykeeleyjamie. This episode really hammered it in why roy and jamie are not good for keeley LOL, but the signs have been there all along. Keeley needs to be her own boss for a bit! Roy and jamie are just not at her maturity level (lovingly), and they've got some misogyny to work through.

(I need to think on it more, but I'm pretty sure that I liked the way this episode/season handled the Roy And Jamie Are Lowkey Sexist subplot. Like the whole fighting over a woman thing is soooo trite atp, and i still dont know how i feel about them physically fighting over her or whatever. but the story was realistic about how these asshole male footballers are going to have some weird views about women, while still shutting that down those views. like not even giving them the time of day. Keeley literally shoos them out without a word LMAO. So idk need to think about it more but at least keeley didnt end up with either of them).

Hey you know who DOES deserve each other.... and makes each other better people, as represented by their football training arc.... the student is the teacher and the teacher is the student etc etc…… Anyways royjamie is real TO ME!!! (And brett goldstein and phil dunster, number one royjamie warriors. phil dunster wrote royjamie smut I will never get over that)

Overall im sad to see ted lasso go. i think i need to sit with all 3 seasons a bit more before forming my full opinion, but s1 will always have my heart. Mostly because evil jamie and evil rebecca are so so fun to watch.

#The most important takeaway from this post is the bit about the lesbians. in case you couldnt tell #This is also more for me to process more than anything else lol #ted lasso s3 #ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso

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mithliya · 2 years ago

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I dont have any reliable proof or anything so you can feel free to disregard but this sounds an awful lot like the Kelly I used to be facebook friends with. She honestly insisted that she was a lesbian until she met with her old married friend. Idk how anyone would go about proving that though? Like save every post where she calls herself a lesbian up until her new bf? If she hadnt said she was a lesbian for a while before breaking the news about her boyfriend does it mean she wasnt deliberately misleading people? I stg this woman was posting about how she could still fuck women her two-inch long stilleto acrylics like one week before hooking up with this guy. Idk its not a criticism of you because I totally understand where youre coming from considering how people lie about you and others all the time... but honestly idk Terfectly I never even followed her but I did know a Kelly with an awfully similar story.

nah i think just establishing a timeline is enough. she’s p open about the fact that she called herself a lesbian & thought she was one for about a year. pretty open about the fact that she fell in love with a married man. i don’t think she calls herself a kinsey 5.5 (not a real thing tho) either anymore & that bit doesn’t matter imo bc bisexuals can go from strongly preferring women to being more neutral to preferring men & sexual history doesnt necessarily align w preferences. it doesn’t rly change anything bc they’re still bi & not gay regardless. the main point of contention is the ppl claiming she was calling herself a lesbian while doing those things. and ppl claiming she was doing that for a while

but tbh seeing how old all this is (2014) & also the fact that she identified as a lesbian for one year is wild to me bc the way ppl talk about it i would’ve thought this was sth very major & at least a little more recent. i don’t expect anyone to go out of their way to prove either side of the story to me tho, just stating my own reservations & why.

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kreuiza · 2 months ago

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his only friend his best friend UGHHH but also so rika wasnt strong cause she was cursed but cause yuta cursed her and he’s related to gojo so they are both equally strong in a type of way gojo always on top but still he’s strong and even if he did die geto wouldn’t have been strong enough to actually win still

he was fighting not understanding it fully and you don’t win the battles you don’t understand i think

either way geto fckn died and i think i knew he wasn’t himself but i didn’t get it fully i didn’t understand like in the actual anime it was talking about the soul and how what is stronger the soul or the body and it was clear he wasn’t alive but something was controlling him too but he was still a bit mis going in the wrong direction he didn’t seem to really want to but he lost his hope i think and this movie showed he died died like his actual death and who he was before and he was just lost he hated non jujitsu sorcerers but he wasn’t a murderer with no reason or at least no reason he thought was valid he is going off his own ideals which isn’t great if you are losing yourself because you become foggy to the understanding of others and he lost it

But in that same way as he lost it i really think he had a chance to get it back he had every chance to he had people who loved him but he surprised himself with other people who would agree with his ideals and to them he is a king a god even but then you look at it through someone on the other sides perspective and you see how much pain and fear he has caused them

but another note that is very true in real life everyone goes off their own ideal and what they perceive as right to them and if they have people who keep saying it’s right and okay they aren’t going to change unless they see within themselves and want to change and understand as much as you fight and argue with anyone someone who won’t change their ideals simply won’t like hm let’s say just in general i have no real knowledge on it but like how the people who have power in this world do something bad it gets pushed under the rug because they are the people in power they are the ones helping everyone and seeming like a good person to those with the same ideals or who they know they have a chance to turn to their ideals because they see the broken in them so they make them agree and shit because as much as it sucks people do share those same ideals at times but they won’t change unless someone who is stronger or with the same respect tells them and even then it’s still not luckily to work because why work to be strong and be actually in power to lose it all and stay in the pedestal of where you once were it’s a fight in yourself between being good and being powerful and being able to control everything in your own ideals but ideals change as you change and everyone changes sometimes not wanting to but it isn’t always better so is it really a you won’t change unless you want to i think that quote really only works in the way you see it

like you don’t change unless you want to be better

or you don’t change unless you want to be worse

or maybe you don’t want to change and you do

or maybe you never were the person you or any one thought of you

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musicoftheheart · 5 months ago

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4-8 for pride asks?

hiya! thank you <3

4. Are you "out" to your family and friends?

this is a... complicated question. ill start with gender, because thats nice and easy: no. i was out as genderfluid to one person, a couple years ago, but we lost contact a long time ago so we arent in each others lives and i dont count it. other than her, i havent told anyone-

actually, technically i told my university? but only for accomodation purposes, and im not at uni yet so im not counting it either (ha ha im totally not avoiding reality)

as for my sexuality... kind of? im out to my friend(s? thats up in the air atm) as queer, because thats the simplest way i can put it. my closest friend is cishet and isnt a huge ally (i will be making better friends when i go to uni, dw) so i try not to talk too much about lgbtq+ stuff in depth because he just wont care enough to listen. if i was still close with the girl who knew i was genderfluid then id explain abrosexuality to her, but im not so...

im not out to my sister at all and will be cutting contact entirely when i move out. i came out to my parents as bisexual (now an outdated label for me) years ago, and they conveniently "forgot" less than a month later, so i just... dont bother

i was outed to my brothers by my now ex gf though but theyre both super supportive!! one of them keeps trying to set me up w his coworker which is really funny (and its not even in the 'oh youre both gay you should date' kind of way, he actually thinks we'd be nice together so its really sweet)

5. Are you "out" publicly?

i never explicitly came out as anything to most people i know, but i dont hide it either. ive got they/she pronouns listed in my personal instagram (because thats the closest thing to reality i feel comfortable sharing atm) and openly discuss queer parts of my life to people like coworkers (which was scary af the first time) and ex-teachers, such as when i had a girlfriend, going to pride, writing queer love songs/changing existing songs to be queer, etc.

6. (If you're out) do you wish you came out sooner? Later? Or was it the right time?

i wish id never said anything to my parents at least, because we never had a good relationship to begin with and after i came out it just... got worse. i wish id managed to avoid being outed to my brothers so that i could tell them myself, too, because theyre two of my favourite people in my life even though i rarely see them since they both moved out and my relationship with them both is such a big deal for me, so the fact i had that moment ripped away from me hurts. otherwise, im okay with how the rest of my coming out has gone

7. Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

actually, no! my eldest brother - when he spoke to me about the fact someone had outed me to him - confided that he was bisexual, so he understood some of what i was feeling, and assured me it was okay. growing up in the household that we did, having him say things like that - having him show me that if someone like him (who i really look up to, though it makes me icky to admit because ew emotions) can be queer and still be the strong, loveable, kind person he is - it meant a lot to me, as someone who sometimes thought of themselves as broken and monsterous because i wasnt hetero

8. Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender:

spin the wheel!! watch where it goes!! where will it stop? who the fuck knows!!

#dorian speaks #dorian's asks #lgbtq+#pride month #pride #lgbtq community

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moonlessstarchild · 5 months ago

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my dad seldom talked about the past. never really. i wonder ed why that was. i knew almost nothing about him. and the things i do know. well. they are things i have had picked up from random quick mentions from him and from people from his past. they are more so a deductions. i dont know. i thought that was part of the dad lore. he has some crazy things. locked in a room in him. i wondered why. a few days ago a lady he reffers to me as my aunt (he is an only child) called. he was with rellatives. i dont know whos. maybe theirs shared. they were reminicing about the old days. and she had called my dad. he talked on speaker with her. when she greeted him in the warmest, most dearest way. in that sweet teasing voice. me and my mom looked at eachother almost in shock. regretably, i confess to thinking the voice belonged to a lover of his. past or present. i really was confused. i thought, the audacity of the man. like. that was happening in front of my mom. i know he wasnt the best back then. but still. anywhat. she tried to talk to him. but he straight up told her something along the lines of that the past is in the past and there were no need to bring it to today. and that was just so like him.

this other time. he like slipped up in a conversation with the neighbours cross the street. and that's how i learned we were cousins. i played with the lady's daughter when we were kids. i kindda babysat her almost. i was no more that 12 back then. we had long gotten estranged. i was 23 when i learned we were related. i went back in the house and told my mom. she confirmed. i tried to ask her about our roots. my roots. she than told me some stuff i never new. my dad walk in on than. asked what we were talking about. we told him. he rased his voice like he does. not angry. and said that one side were junk and the other were even worse. all bad loser people that i had nothing to know about. i felt like he wanted to say that they didnt deserve me knowing about them. as if he wanted me to protect me.

i wondered why he was like that. and my mom isnt far from that either. but at the very least i know some of her story. mainly because of house ownership battles and from her rambling to me when i was little and times were hard. she rambled to me because only i was there. maybe she thought i would not remember. i was that small. or she was just so stress ed she didnt even think. i cant know for sure.

now. today. i think i finaly understood why he is like that. my dad. and my mom too. i really am their daughter. i fell him in me more than my mom. weird. and scary. it often scares me. but. i hadnt talked about my past. to friends or anyone really. in a long time. very long time. so long that i rearly though about it myself. today i did talk. briefly. for a few minutes. but it was enough. i felt weird. i regreted it. not that it was much i said or intensity. nothing like that. maybe the people. the things i had. the people that no longer speak with. you know how past is. nostalgia. shitty bastard.

i know now. why he almost hides his past. runs from it really. i am not ready to articulate it. i cant. not know at least. but i felt it. i might start doing it too.

day after day a daughter become more and more like her father. what was once a mere resemblence is now a very good copy. one day maybe she will become a full replica. that is the curse of the dauther. half of her is the things her father was to her mother. the other part is the mother her father hated.

a daughter loves her dad. her mother teaches her to hate the man he is. but here's the thing. a little girl cannot draw the line between the dad and the husband, the man. she only knows her daddy. and unknowingly her mother teaches her not the hate men or the man and husband. but to despice her dad for all he is and is not. all he kad done and had not. he did or did not do.

and her father does the same. he doesnt understand that when he talks down to her mom. or raises his hand. his voice. when he talks shot about other women. in front of her. with her. he teaches her to be mean to herself. and in the hopes of him approving of her. in her desire for his love. she falls in a life of hating her mom for not being the woman she think she should have been. and she despises herself. kills the woman in herself. for maybe her daddy will love her then

you would be scared of the parts in you that are your father's too. and petrified when you start to realise you are a perfect copy of him. you shall never escaped him for he is not in you. you are becoming him. and cant stop it. one day you will be him. and your mom cant help you. she wants away from him. therefore. she wants away from you for you are so much like him. your dad will approve of you. shower you with warm words. but only when you are the best of him. not when you are your mom. no. not then. he wants away from the woman he broke too

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tentaipetto · 10 months ago

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Chapter 7

Eija sat at his small desk with a pencil in his hand, he chewed the end of it as he contemplated what was to become of him. Belben had been unhappy about the way he had behaved on the cliff top, Eija had expected that. What he hadnt expected was exactly the thing that happened after that. Belben told him he was being transferred to serve another wizard, something in the contract from 6 years ago that had, like everything else, been convieniently missed out of the conversation before he signed it was that if Belben deemed him to be severely insubordinate in his duties he could be transferred and replaced, or killed. Eija was marginally pleased that Belben wasnt taking the latter option, but the former was still puzzling him. Where was he going to end up? Who was he going to have to serve this time? How long would he last? Surely Belben wouldnt transfer him to a better wizard for insubordination, but the thought of a worse wizard made Eija shiver. He gripped the pencil with renewed purpose and began to write, 'Dearest Mother, Im sorry it has been so long since I have written to you, a wizards assistants jobs are never done you see. I shall deal with the issue at hand quickly as Im not sure how long I have to write this letter but I have exciting news! Belben has decided that I have served my duties so well to him that he is going to transfer me to another wizard as a reward. He is so kind and gracious, my gratitude is overwhelming. I am excited to find out where I will be placed, I shall let you know as soon as I am able to send another letter. Hopefully is sharnt be too long. I hope that you and father are in good spirits and keeping well as the weather begins to chill. Please send news of Enid and Arthur, I miss them terribly. Love always, your son, Eija' Eija stared at the pack of lies he had written to his dear mother, the truth would kill her, he and his father had agreed the way it would be before he left. He sometimes wished he could be honest, that he could tell her of his missing fingers, his half-blindness, his crippling loneliness. But he knew that even in this predicament he had a responsibility to care for his aging progenitor. He scribbled the address of his family onto the envelope and carefully inserted the letter, he wasnt in possession of a wax stamp so he just tipped the candle up and splodged the wax with his thumb. It did the trick either way. The maid took the letter from him, Belben wasnt a fan of 'employees' having contact with thier families, it made them weak according to him. But the servants of his house had found ways and means around this, an entire blackmarket economy and sprung up around avoiding what Belben wanted. So, he let go of the letter and gathered the last of his things, gently folding his drawings and placing them in the pages of books so they wouldnt be damaged in his transit to his new 'home'. Eija felt nervous, scared even, but there was a hint, just a hint mind, of excitement. At least it wasnt going to be more same old same old for a while.

Despite Belbens ability to transport Eija in an instant to his new home he had graciously decided to send Eija on a trading ship which was hopping along the coast of the Western Isles before it set off for the main port of the Northern Bank. Eija hadnt been told this, he had gleaned it from what he could understand of the thick accented captain and crew that surrounded him. The ship itself was nice enough, he had a bunk all to himself and was able to spend his time largely undisturbed by the other people onboard as they found him strange and tedious. Eija stared at the twinkling lights of yet another port he didnt know the name of, the ship was running late for its mooring and the captain was screaming what Eija was fairly certain was a lot of profanities at the crew members who were all rushing about the deck doing very important sailing things that involved rigging and such. Eija sat motionless while the ship floated towards the gentle growing glow, it was the last stop before he had disembark on the Northern Bank, it was Shadowglass. The port smelled of fish, drunken tramps, rats and an entire selection of rotting fruits which had been thrown overboard but landed on the deck of another ship and had yet to be cleared away. Eija was permitted to alight the ship during these nighttime moorings, he was under the eye of Belben at all times, remotely of course, Belben wouldnt stoop so low as to ride in a trading ship. Eija was just happy to have a little bit of freedom, or the closest he could pass for freedom these days. Wandering down a small street lined with dimly lit shops that were either just closing or just opening he wondered what it would be like to truely be free, to actually have no one to answer to. He ruminated that he probably wouldnt like it very much and would probably get himself in quite alot of trouble, either that or he would be so entralled by all the things he could stop and look at that he would never actually move anywhere quickly enough to achieve anything. Shadowglass, unbenknowst to Eija, had a reputation of being a rather sin soaked kind of place, the sort of place that is knee deep in filth of one kind or another but no one mentions it for fear of appearing uncooth. There were dens of iniquity left right and centre, above shops and in basements women used thier womanly ways to help sailers and passers by lighten thier wallets and lift thier spirits. Thieves, muggers and burglars (which could be considered the same thing, but I dare you to say that to them) were also known to prowl the streets at night, and in the day, and any time they damn well liked. Visitors to Shadowglass were usually sailors who were just glad of some company, tourists were rare and usually agreed happily to view Shadowglass from a boat as they sailed safely past. But Eija knew none of this, to him, this place was wonderful and colourful and full of amazing sights and smells and things he had been held back from for years. Something caught Eijas eye, all his senses seemed to flare up at once and he felt himself held in place by some invisible force that he couldnt control. At first he assumed that Belben must be toying with him, controlling him from across the seas. But then he let his eyes focus, find what was holding him, it was….a woman. It was, in fact, the most beautiful woman that Eija had ever laid eyes on in his entire life. He had assumed a few years ago that this part of the human condition was going to be lost to him, he just didnt have the time to contemplate affairs of the heart, or the body for that matter, but his heart was certainly doing some contemplating right at this very moment, along with a few other portions of his anatomy. The woman smiled at him, the warmest, gentlest, most affectionate smile she could muster.

"Ive been waiting for you Eija, please, come into the warm" she motioned for Eija to follow her through the doorway into the small jewellery shop. Eija stared at her for a moment, willing his feet to move or his mouth to open or something to happen. His brain whirred, almost audibly with questions, thoughts, feelings, emotions, her skin, her smile, her bosom…. Somewhere in the recesses of his brain he regained some unconscious level of poise and pushed his body towards her, this made him very happy, on many, many levels.

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