#they keep coming up no matter how hard she tries to repress them and move on

[platypusnoise]

i hate it here was DEFINITELY written during the travis kelce era

[norrizzandpia]

Longing Glances and Whispered Confessions (Part 2) (LN4)

Summary: In which the one person they thought would reject them completely is the person that forces them together again.

Warnings: language, sexual innuendos, Lando and yn are sad as hell, happy ending tho, Pietra being a real one

Note: i loved this story line also here is the link to part 1 if you need it

“There’s nothing louder than the silence between two people who used to love each other.” - unknown

Lando was never the same. Max noticed the way his best friend suddenly became a shell of a human, dark and blank. The brother was left to question why the closest person to him in his life was no longer than themselves. He tried to take the boy out, bringing him to movies and dinners, trying to understand the root of his depression. However, he began to put it together when he saw the way Y/n lost herself a bit too. If he was being honest, Max always had an idea that they held repressed feelings for each other, but he never entertained it. He was so afraid of that thought that he refused to diagnose their lingering eyes and prolonged touches.

Pietra was the first to voice his internal thoughts, “You know, it’s no coincidence that they’ve both suddenly stopped talking to each other.”

He groaned, looking at her from his side of the couch, “P, I’m not doing this with you again.”

He got up, walking out of the room only for her to follow him. She trailed behind his steps, pushing, “No, you are going to do this with me. I’m not going to let you ruin two people’s happiness because you can’t set your pride aside and let them be at peace.”

He forcefully turned around, staring down at her annoyed, “What are you saying?! They were sneaking around together behind my back?! Come on, P.”

She scoffed, “Maybe they were! You said it yourself that they were spending more time together! What do you think they were doing?”

He shook his head, “Being friends! Like they always have been!”

Pietra let her hands yank at her hair in exhaustion over her boyfriend’s obliviousness, “MAX! WAKE UP! THEY WERE NEVER FRIENDS!”

Her yelling silenced him, his eyes staring at her before floating down to his feet, “You think I really am the source of their unhappiness?”

She sighed, padding over to him and bringing his body into her hold, “I think you played into it, but I don’t think you’re the whole reason why. Y/n and Lando are so stubborn, they probably pushed each other away with how much they love each other.”

His head reared back, “Love each other?”

Her eyebrows furrowed, “Yeah… Max, you really think they would be this heartbroken over something that wasn’t love?”

The revelation was crushing, his eyes bulged and he stood, jaw agape, “I… I don’t know. I didn’t think they would be able to explore a relationship that much to realize they loved each other.”

She tilted her head, “Max, you don’t know how long they were together.”

And that was something he knew he needed to find out.

—

Lando dragged himself over to his door, eyes drooping from the lack of sleep. No matter how hard he tried, every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was her walking out on him.

He opened it, not saying anything as he let Max in. His best friend closed the door behind himself, following Lando into the living room and sitting on the couch beside him. Hesitantly, Max laid his hand on Lando’s knee.

He breathed out, “I’m worried about you.”

The blanket around Lando’s shoulders loosened as he moved his hand to rub over his face, “Why?”

“Because you’re not sleeping, you’re not eating, and you’re canceling on everyone. I keep having Oscar or Carlos or Daniel or any of the other drivers text me asking where you are, what’s wrong. You’re not the same person anymore, Lando.” Max retracted his hand, turning fully on the couch to stare at the boy’s side profile.

Lando huffed, standing up and trying to flee the conversation, but Max was quick to grab his arm, pulling him back. Lando gave Max a look that was so angry, so furious that he realized this anger wasn’t directed at him, rather at the world for putting him through such pain.

“Can you fucking leave me alone?” Lando gave, arm trying to move from Max’s grasp, but failed.

“No, I’m not leaving until you tell me.” Max tried.

Lando rolled his eyes, “Tell you what?”

His response was immediate, “Tell me what happened between you and her.”

Lando fell silent, his demeanor shifting and his eyes softening. Vulnerability and brokenness flashed in his eyes, such a pool of grief, Max hated himself for causing it.

Finally, Lando broke from his hold and walked further into his apartment, “I don’t know who or what you’re talking about.”

Max followed him, “Yes, you do and you’re going to tell me what happened between you and my sister.”

Lando aggressively turned around, his attitude changing quickly, his fiery gaze creating a tense air, “CAN YOU FUCKING STOP?”

Max shot back, “NO! I CAN’T LET THIS HAPPEN! IT’S NOT FAIR TO ANYONE TO KEEP YOU FROM EACH OTHER IF THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’RE SEPARATED!”

Lando’s teary voice, stricken with yearning for someone he thought he wouldn’t have to yearn for anymore, yelled back, “NOTHING HAPPENED! NOTHING HAPPENED BETWEEN US! NOTHING-”

His words got cut off when a small sob racked through his body. The lie and deflection of their relationship hit him hard. He didn’t want to deny what happened with her because what happened with her was so important, so close to his heart. Denying her and the love they shared was like affirming their end, he couldn’t deal with that.

Max watched his best friend break down in front of him, the sounds of miserable tears filling the room as he rushed over and caught him. He had never seen him like this, agony making him cling to his best friend in search of something to ground him.

Max couldn’t stomach the way his best friend was crying, much less for the fact that he was crying for his sister and whatever happened between them.

He itched to know and knew Y/n would be able to tell him.

—

He used his key to get in. The apartment was dark and quiet, and Max almost thought no one was there, but the fresh tissues on the counter and romantic movie playing softly in the background told him his sister was somewhere within the few walls.

He wandered around, silently looking for any clues of her relationship with Lando. He mingled over to her desk, hoping to find some picture of them together and gain physical evidence of the things that happened behind closed doors. He was ready to give up in that spot when he didn’t see anything on the surface, but when he caught a glimpse of a small drawer hiding under it, he crouched down. His hands slowly opened it, creaking and groaning under the force.

What he found, clearly something that was trying to be hidden, shocked him. What he found was a large handful of printed out pictures, all of them consisting of Y/n and Lando. He took them out carefully, their edges worn as if someone had continuously worked with them. The pictures got progressively worse to see, in terms of knowing that he was the one to stop the love they had for each other.

The first photo was of the two of them laying on her couch, the piece of furniture sitting two feet away from him. Lando’s lips were pressed against her cheek, one hand holding the other side of her face to him. Whatever was happening in the moment must have been amusing seeing as his sister was in the midst of hard laughter. Her mouth open, smile exuding through, she seemed comfortable in his presence, the kind of comfortable Max had wanted to forget existed between them.

The second photo was in Lando’s kitchen, this time only of the boy himself. Y/n’s reflection was in the window, again laughing at his cooking skills, as Lando stared beyond the camera. His gaze was trained on Y/n, a lovesick glint in his eyes as he held a spatula and a bowl. He was smiling so hard at her, Max wanted to claw his eyes out and forget he ever saw these photographs. They were a living example of what he had destroyed.

He continued to look through them, however, as his curiosity got the best of him. The last one, the eleventh and final one, was the worst to gaze upon.

This picture was taken by Lando, it being of Y/n sitting on her couch. She stared down at a ring in a box that she held firmly in her hand, teary eyes staring at Lando behind the camera. She was smiling with her mouth slightly opened, as if she was in awe over the gift.

It was the worst to see because he remembered the day he clocked her wearing it, asking her where she had gotten it.

THREE MONTHS PRIOR

“Where the fuck did you get that?” Max asked, his eyes trained on the sparkly band on his sister’s middle finger, left hand.

She tilted her head in confusion, following his gaze before realizing what he was referring to and trying to suppress a smile.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just a gift.” She said vaguely, trying to be nonchalant.

Max shook his head, laughing softly, “No fucking way, is this person in love with you?”

She mirrored his laughter, yet it had a nervous undertone, “What are you talking about?”

Max grasped his sister’s hand, inspecting the ring, “Anyone who gets you something this expensive is in love with you. I mean, Y/n, this is, borderline, promise ring.”

She had joked with him, “What if it really was?”

He stared at her, trying to decipher whether or not to take it seriously. In the end, he hadn’t, “Then, I’d say I wanted to meet whoever gave you this. Clearly they want to marry you.”

She laughed it off, waving her hand around, “No need. There’s no one to meet.”

PRESENT DAY

It had been right fucking in front of him. He had prodded and joked that there was someone in her life, and there had been. It had been his best friend and he was too selfish to recognize it. Who was he to dictate their lives? Who was he to stop them from being happy? Who the fuck was he to stop Lando from making good on the promise he had made to his sister?

With the picture in his hands, Max stalked to her bedroom in the back of her apartment. He flung the door open, clearly waking her up from the nap she had been partaking in, scaring her to death.

She yelped out, “WHAT THE FUCK!”

He shook his head, pacing around the perimeter of her bed, “What is this?”

He waved the picture in her face, dropping it on her lap, and staring at her as he walked around.

Her face dropped and then she was staring at him with vengeance, “You went through my stuff?”

She had said it coolly, quietly, and that scared Max gravely. His sister was furious.

He scoffed, “Yeah, I did! Because I saw Lando earlier this week and he fucking cried in my arms because I confronted him about what happened between you, and he couldn’t fucking handle it. I still don’t know what happened! What the fuck happened?!”

She stood up, “AND YOU THINK THAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO LOOK THROUGH THESE THINGS? THESE PICTURES WERE FOR US ONLY AND YOU FUCKING RUINED THAT, MAX! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”

Max shook his head and put his hands up in front of him, “I’m not mad, Y/n. I support you two if it makes you happy. I’m just fucking shocked as shit because I asked you about that ring and you lied to my face.”

She shrugged, “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU WANT ME TO DO? TELL YOU THAT I HAD BEEN FUCKING YOUR BEST FRIEND?”

Suddenly, he realized that if he hadn’t told her about his knowledge of the photos, she wouldn’t be as rageful as she was standing before him. Max was hit with a wave of emotions, wondering if he had just ruined the trust he had built with his sister over the course of their entire lives.

“Y/n,” He started, but she interrupted him.

“Get the fuck out.” She whispered, clutching the picture in her hands.

“What?”

“Get out of my house, Max.” She said again, this time stalking toward him and beginning to push him away.

He grabbed onto her arms, “Y/n, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that finding those pictures would make you this upset.”

When they reached the living room and she saw the drawer open with all the pictures strewn about, she leaped toward them, frantically gathering them up carefully.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” She screamed, ears turning red.

Max stayed silent, “THESE ARE MY PHOTOS, MAX! THESE MEAN SOMETHING TO ME! IT WAS NEVER YOUR PLACE TO FIND THESE!”

He walked cautiously over to her, letting his hands take hold of hers as they tried to gather all the pictures. She was crying, the tears becoming harder as she looked upon all their times together. Her brother gently coaxed them out of her hands and pulled her into him, cradling her head to his chest and trying to stop the tears that were wetting his shirt.

“I’m sorry, Y/n. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” He whispered repeatedly in her ear.

Over time, as he continued to say those two words to her, they both knew the meaning of it was changing.

At first, he was sorry for finding the photos and infringing on her privacy, but, then, he was sorry for making her think she couldn’t love openly.

—

Sitting down on her couch, he passed her tea to her and silently urged her to start talking.

She took a deep breath, then began, “Lando and I dated for a year. I’ll just break that to you now.”

Max’s mouth fell open, he had not been expecting for it to be that long, “Okay… continue. I’ll be okay.”

She nodded, smiling lightly, “We had loved each other for many years before that, but we only got together after a night when he picked me up drunk and I told him about the feelings I had for him. He came to my house the morning after and demanded to know if what I had said was true or just my drunk self being reckless, but everything I had said to him that night was, so he kissed me and we made things official. At first, we said we would keep things hidden until we were certain we saw a future, but that plan was shit because, from the beginning, we saw forever with each other. So, all we were left to do was aimlessly wander around until we stumbled across a time to tell you. However, we could never agree. He wanted to stay secret, afraid of everything that would happen if we dated publicly, but I was more of a ‘fuck it’ person. I wanted to be with him and when he rejected the notion I continuously brought up about us telling everyone, I felt fully rejected and that caused an ungodly amount of fights. Toward the end, all we did was fight. I think that’s what did us in. There was never a time when we weren’t yelling at each other and, for the life of us, we just could not see eye to eye. The thing that broke everything was when he told me to come to him when I believed he loved me and I realized I would never become comfortable with that idea. I would never fully trust him if he continued to treat me like a mistress, so I broke up with him.”

Max nodded, “And that’s when you two stopped talking and I found out.”

She agreed, “Yeah, I’m surprised how quickly you put it together.”

He chuckled, “No, it wasn’t me. It was Pietra. She basically yelled at me and told me that I was ruining both of your happiness by refusing to come to terms with it.”

The look that Y/n got in her eye told Max that he didn’t know the full story, “What?”

His little sister giggled, “I knew she knew!”

He tilted his head in confusion, “What?”

She shook her head, “One time, Pietra came over to my apartment unannounced and she had chosen a time when Lando and I were… uh…” Y/n wiggled her eyebrows at her brother and his face scrunched up in disgust.

“Oh, fuck no! Move on!” He yelled, waving his hands around.

She smiled, “Okay, okay, well, anyway, she used her key and when we heard the door open, her voice yelling out my name, Lando hid in the closet. When she came into my room and saw me with no clothes on under my comforter, she just looked at me weirdly. Her conversation with me after that consisted of her walking around my room and looking behind curtains and all that. I’m surprised she forgot to look in the closet because, if she had, she would’ve found out. But, anyway, after that, she just always dropped little comments about me seeing someone and, one time, she asked me if I had feelings for Lando. I, of course, refused, but it was something in the look that she gave me that told me she knew and she wouldn’t tell.”

He scoffed, “Damn you, P.”

The siblings laughed together, but once it died down, Max gave her a serious look.

“Y/n, you need to talk to him.”

Her shoulders sank, “I don’t know if either of us could handle that right now.”

He shook his head, “Not to get closure, but to get back together.”

Her head pulled back, “What? Max, he probably hates me. He definitely does not want to get back together with me after I ripped out his heart, threw it on the floor, and stomped on it.”

Max looked at her weirdly, “No way. You didn’t see the way he broke down in his apartment. You weren’t there and you haven’t seen the way he’s been after everything ended. He loves you and he needs you. He always will.”

She mulled it over in her head, inviting her brother to continue, “Why’d you break up with him?”

“Because I was hurt and I doubted how we would ever continue healthily when we didn’t agree on this one thing. Plus I didn’t believe he loved me the way I did him.”

Max shot up from the couch, picked up the photo of Lando looking at her while he cooked and shoved it in her face, “Y/n, that is the look of a man so gone for you, he’s never coming back.”

Her fingers traced over his face on the paper, smiling softly at the boy she missed, before looking up at her brother, “How do you know for sure? What if I give myself to him and it doesn’t work out?”

Max leaned forward, took her hands in his, and squeezed them tightly, “I don’t, but I can guarantee you that for as long as he lives, Lando will never move on from you. You give him another chance and he will never stop loving you. He’ll never stop loving you whether or not you’re there to reciprocate it or not.”

She tearfully stared up at him, “Yeah?”

He nodded, wiping her cheeks, “Yeah.”

—

Lando groaned, wanting to tear his face off with the knocking at his door. He just wanted people to leave him alone. Why didn’t anyone get that?

He forcefully pulled it open, shaking his head at whoever was daring to startle his mourning.

However, when his eyes met hers, their color shimmering with regretful tears, he breathed out a sigh of relief. Even though the reason for her presence wasn’t clear and his ability to reach out and kiss her wasn’t there anymore, he was still at peace to see her.

“Hi,” She whispered, stepping through the threshold hesitantly.

He stood, completely shocked, and she chuckled at his state before closing the door for him. Her hands landed on his waist as she coaxed them over to his couch, sitting the two of them down and taking his hands in hers.

She didn’t say anything for a few minutes, the two former lovers staring at each other and letting a loud silence take over. A loud silence between two people who still loved each other dearly.

When enough time passed, she exhaled and began with the speech she had been rehearsing for days prior, “Breaking up with you was the worst decision I ever made. Yet, it was something that had to happen. Without us parting ways, Max would’ve never found out and we would never be here, having the ability to be together publicly. I’m sorry for giving up on us, I wake up every day and wish I could take it back. But, I came here today because Max and I had a conversation yesterday where he made it clear that I had to come see you. Come fight for you. I love you and I want to be with you, always have, always will. I’m giving you everything I have and I’m hoping, fucking praying, that you’ll embrace your fears like I am and let us be together.”

Lando looked down at her, absorbing her words for a few moments. He stayed silent, staring at her before smiling. He let go of her hands to grab her face, bringing it to his. He kissed her like it was their first kiss all over again, signaling that he wanted to start over with her like she did with him. His lips nipped and sucked at her skin, only pulling away to whisper his love for her.

When they ran out of breath, he met her eyes and softly said, “Of course, I’ll embrace my fears for you. I was so fucking stupid not to before. You’re the only person that I’ve been able to get lost in. I love you like I’ve loved no one before and I’d be so idiotic to let you go again. That day, when you walked out, I should’ve followed you, I should’ve shown you, proven to you, how much I love you. Hearing you say that you would never believe I love you was like a million stabbings all at once and I should’ve used that emotion, that pain, to communicate how much you mean to me. I’m sorry for that and I’m so sorry for shutting you out the way I did before. Of course, I want people to know you’re mine. That’s always been it for me and the fact that I had it, and still didn’t take it, is lost on me. However, this all goes to say that I won’t let that happen again. I will love you and I will love you and I will love you until you’re sick of me.”

She laughed through her tears, pecking his lips shortly, “I’ll never get sick of you.”

He continued to grin at her, hands still holding her face to his, “Better not. If you did, I’d just force you to stay with me.”

She giggled, blushing at his words, before he melted fully into her. Hitting her nose with his, emotion pooled in his eyes, “Please never leave me again.”

She kissed his cheek, then his neck before coming to stare at him, hugging him as tightly as possible, “Never again. Ever. I promise.”

A tear slipped down his eye and she wiped it away. At the gentleness, he nuzzled his face into her neck and breathed out, feeling the weight of the world being lifted off his shoulders.

Another silence followed, yet, this time, it was a silence of two people who would never let the other go again.

Comforting and loving.

End.

Tags: @luvrrish @sinofwriting @minkyungseokie @lisa24x @toasttt11 @prettyisntprettyenough21 @giuliaabergamini-blog @landoslover @arshiyuh @ophcelia @vellicora @sage-butterflyy @ironmaiden1313

[demonicbaby666]

Falling, So That We Rise

One shot | Marvel Masterlist | Masterlists

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!Reader

Genre: Angst and Comfort

Words: 1.4k+ 

Warnings: trauma alluded, maybe a sprinkle of an unhealthy attachment style

A/n: she's monologue heavy...

Everyone has shadows in their past that haunt them. No matter how hard you try to run from them, they catch up to you and swallow you whole until you’re submerged in an abyss of repressed memories. In the time spent locked away, they have mutated and learned how best to swat away feeble attacks that come in the form of denial and distraction. 

There is no easy way to win the war other than succumbing to the lulls of familiar pain and anguish while laying in bed and staring blankly at the ceiling fan, wishing that the infernal flashbacks that stole your childhood would cut you a break now you’d reached a point in your life where things seemed calmer. That is, however, not how things work. 

Similarly, other people share these mind-boggling complexities. Shutting them out and assuming they’d take it on the chin without question was not as straightforward as it seemed. Which is what you were coming to learn with each repetitive knock that echoed through the hallway. 

Five knocks seem excessive. Why five? Why not three or even two hard booming knocks? But five? 

“Let me in, or so help me,” Nat called from the other side of the door. Her voice was calm, “We both know this door can’t stop me.” 

Your loud groan ebbed from your bedroom, through the apartment, and eventually reached attentive ears. 

“Ya, ya. Now open up,” she beckoned. 

Had you believed a less-than-welcoming ‘fuck off’ would have motivated her to leave, you’d have done so. But you knew her well enough to know the two words would incentivise her more than deter her from the constant knocking that was, quite frankly, fuelling the cluster headache forming along your temples. 

The only option left was the worst one imaginable. How loathsome confrontation truly is, especially when one already knows what the outcome will intel. It was a simple solution. Cut the cord. And it was simple for one reason - surviving alone is more manageable. You never risk becoming reliant on someone that could end up breaking you. 

It made sense in your head and seemed a solid plan, that was until your fingers curled around the door handle, and you pulled it open, revealing auburn hair, emerald eyes, and a smile so fucking genuine it had you melting on the spot. 

“Good to see you’re still alive,” Nat smirked, eyes peering over your shoulder, “you going to invite me in?” 

“No,” Straight to the point. Bold? Yes. Dare it to be said, perhaps a little too bold because instantly the smile - that seems to work its way into your heart effortlessly - faded, crumpling under the wrath of your harsh and hostile tone, “I think you should go.” 

You kept a straight face, hoping that by pretending your heart was as cold as it seemed, she won’t notice how it was shattering. 

If it were anyone else, they’d have taken their leave, sensing their company wasn’t desired, and you wouldn’t have blamed them for doing so - despite the small voice in your head that repeats the same mantra, ‘If they cared, they’d fight.’ So you didn’t know what to make of her decision to keep her feet planted in the doorway. 

In truth, your puffy eyes, the bags under them, and the weight you carried on your shoulder kept her from walking away. How you still kept going, despite your tortured soul having lost so many battles against demons, she didn’t know. What she knew was it was admirable that you were still standing. It made her want to hold you tighter, kiss you harder, and love you with every morsel of her soul. She wanted to help you in every way she could, not to change you, but to surround you with everything she saw so clearly you were never given. 

“Not a chance in hell I’m leaving you like this.” she asserted. 

It was a rash move. You knew that as you tried to shut the door on her, it was the barrier you needed when it seemed like she’d sooner murder than abandon getting through to you. What you hoped would be a cut-off to the painful interaction you were enduring was anything but. Nat’s palm made firm contact with the door, halting it so swiftly it caused you to jolt. 

Being that a healthy diet wasn’t something you’d cared about made it incredibly difficult to overpower her hold on the door. It would be one sight to behold had anyone walked by and witnessed. The first thought would most likely be, ‘She’s being attacked,’ before they proceeded to excuse themselves from having to participate in any way. 

After a solid minute of battling over the door position, it stood open again, Nat staring right at you with a raised eyebrow and an accompanying smirk. God, she could be cocky when she wanted, despite the victory being magnanimously handed to her. 

In one swift action, she moved, pushing forward into the apartment and flinging you over her shoulder. The kicking and screaming that ensued was flimsy and rather pathetic; whether it was done intentionally was still debatable. 

“Nat! Put me down!” You protested, trying to hide the childlike smile - that rejected being suppressed - from your tone. 

Gently setting you down on the sofa, she crouched between your legs and placed a hand on your thigh, “You want to do this alone. I get it. But I’m not going anywhere.” She smiled softly and chuckled, “Even if you can handle all this without anyone, and believe me, I know you can. You don’t need to.” 

And maybe it’s the small details that shift the tide; the way she took such care when she reached out to tuck strands of hair behind your ear, or how she touched you like no one ever had - each caress of her fingers saying, ‘I will not harm you,’ or the way she kissed you; like it was the first and last time. Every. Single. Time. In truth, everything she’d ever done for you oozed with a kind of teeth-rotting compassion that could drive a person mad. 

And it did. Not for any other reason except that you couldn’t understand why and what she was doing with someone like you. There were no prospects, no life plan; hell, you barely knew what to expect two days from now, let alone two years. That didn’t stop her, though. She continued to look at you with so much love in her eyes the world may as well have toppled off its axis, and the astonishing thing was, plummeting into your inevitable demise had never felt better. 

The harsh truth is you are not the type of person people fall in love with. You have never been. People are intrigued, inspired, and some find themselves gripping onto you as though you were their new addiction. That’s all it ever was. The love, or what resembled it, that you’d received was always fleeting, momentary, and, dare it be said, conditional. Smile, laugh, make jokes; that sort of stuff keeps them around, but the moment emotions start to peek through the cracks, it’s always safer for them to run, and they do. 

So to be loved so fiercely and so often, even on days where you’d shut the world out, on days where the world shut you out, it was foreign. It seemed like a dream, a cruel joke the universe was playing, bidding time and waiting to deliver the final blow of opening your eyes and discovering you were right all along, that it was too good to be true. 

“Okay,” you whispered. 

“You, me, sofa, and a movie.” And that was that. No fuss, no ulterior motive, “The cure for everything.” 

She leaned forward, her face drawing closer, and despite the intimacy shared repeatedly, it still caused your heart to race faster and your palms to sweat. “You’re not allowed to push me away,” she said, staring down at you at your lips, “I hope you know that.” 

“It’s becoming painfully obvious,” you mutter, rolling your eyes - you and Nat very much aware that you weren’t annoyed in the slightest. 

“You’re stuck with me for a long time. Plus, you’re the best arm candy around.” her warm breath tickled your lips before she leaned in to place a smiled kiss on your lips. 

Unfortunately, relying on someone didn’t seem so bad anymore, and you’d be kidding yourself if you didn’t admit that it was nice to have them fight for you. You took the win. Nat wanted you, even if it was just because you made good arm candy. 

Tags: @ssa-sapphic @red1culous @7thavenger @five-bi-five-mind @auggiewritess @jenna-ortega-is-pretty17177 @kenyakimble34 @12fluffybunny12 @asensitivecookie @summoned-lust-demon | Click here to be added to my tag list

[lavenderlegends]

sterek + “And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her, but you are everything to me”

you are everything to me

ao3

"What are you doing?" a familiar voice comes, forcing Derek to tear his eyes off the dance floor to look at Lydia's raised eyebrow. He leans his back against the bar.

"Nothing," he mutters. "Just waiting for your drink."

"You mean... the one in your hand?" Lydia asks, looking pointedly at the drink he's holding.

"Oh! Right. Here." He shoves it into her hand. "Leave it alone, Lyds."

"I didn't say a word!" she protests, but they both know. His eyes slide across the room to the dance floor.

Stiles fucking Stilinski dances with Caitlin, his head tossed backwards in laughter, as he slips his hands around her waist and pulls her closer.

"But," Lydia says, interrupting again, "... if I were to say something, it'd be this: you should just tell him how you fucking feel."

Derek scoffs. "I don't know what you mean."

"You do. You're just too stubborn and scared to do something about it." Lydia hums before she says, "I'm going back to make-out with your sister."

"Lydia, god!" Derek says, cringing. He shakes his head, and watches as she sways to the music while she walks back to their table. He should join everyone, but they can be so overwhelming sometimes. And he really doesn't want to watch Lydia and Cora make out. Derek sighs before turning back towards the bar. At least he can pretend to be interested in the hockey game playing on the screen. It's a recap of the game from earlier, but that doesn't matter.

He takes at least three shots of tequila before he makes his way back to the table.

"Derek!" Erica exclaims in excitement when he sits down beside her. She throws her arms around his shoulders, and he can smell the alcohol on her breath. "Did you know that Boyd is going to propose to me soon?!"

"What are you talking about?" Derek asks, carefully tugging Erica off him. He glances around, but Boyd's at the other end of the long table talking with Scott and Isaac.

"Call it a girl's intuition," Erica says, grinning. She winks at him. "And I may have found the ring in his underwear drawer when I was looking for my favourite pair of his boxers."

Derek forces a smile on his face. "That's exciting, Erica."

"Isn't it?" she asks, beaming. She looks over at Boyd, and the love is clear as day on her face.

He can't help but admire their relationship. Even if he usually feels jealous. It's hard to be anything but happy for them. They haven't always had the easiest of paths - when Erica came out as a woman, a lot of people in her life had a hard time adjusting. But Boyd was at her side, steady as a rock. He calmly explained to ignorant people, punched a guy or two, but not once, did he ever waver in his obvious love for her.

Derek tunes out when Erica and Kira start giggling. He tries not to look at Lydia making out with Cora, as promised, and lets himself have one more moment.

He watches as Stiles moves his hips closer to Caitlin. They've been messing around for a few weeks now, Derek thinks. He's not entirely sure how serious she is about Stiles, but he's pretty sure that Stiles is serious about Caitlin. He keeps talking about how she just 'opened up his world.'

A hand clasps Derek's shoulder suddenly and he looks up to see Jackson towering over him. "You good, man?"

"Yeah," Derek says, trying to repress the urge to sigh again. He gives Jackson a tight smile. "Just not feeling like the drinking scene tonight. Might grab an Uber home."

Jackson squeezes his hand on Derek's shoulder before saying, "Do what you gotta do, man."

"Thanks."

Jackson swings around to the other side of the table to sit beside Kira. He gives her a small kiss on the cheek, something only they really do in their group of friends. Derek doesn't get their friendship, or even how they got so close considering they'd only met Kira a few months ago, but he's not going to question it anymore tonight.

He stands up, staggering a little, and gives the table a small nod. "I'm heading out. Early day tomorrow."

"Really?"

Derek startles at the sound of Stiles' voice. He turns and shrugs. "Yeah. Looks like you're having fun on your own anyway."

Stiles glances at Caitlin grabbing water at the bar before he says, "Oh, right. Sure. Um. See you later?"

Derek nods and, without another word to anyone, despite their protests, leaves.

○○○

"You really should just tell him," Lydia hisses at their friendsgiving a month later.

"Tell him what, Lydia? That I'm obsessed with him? That I replay every interaction over and over in my head? That I can't get his lips out of my head?" Derek snaps. "Because I think the fact that he brought a date to friendsgiving is a good sign that it's not going to happen. He doesn't see me like anything but a friend."

Lydia takes a small step back, and quietly says, "But... what if he's just messing around because he thinks you're not into him?"

Derek snorts. "Yeah, okay. Not sure what universe you're living in."

Just then, Stiles bounds over to them. "Hey, guys! Have you heard from Danny yet? He's flying back in from New York to surprise Jackson."

Derek shakes his head, glancing at Lydia who checks her phone.

"Nope," she says. "But speaking of Jackson, I need to talk to him. Excuse me."

Lydia walks away, back towards the living room, leaving Derek and Stiles alone in the kitchen.

"How are you doing?" Stiles asks, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Fine, I guess. You?" Derek asks, bringing his whiskey glass to his lips. This is painful. He can't even be normal around Stiles anymore. It hurts too much.

"Fine, I guess," Stiles echoes. He frowns, his eyebrows coming together. "What's been up with you lately? You're so... distant. I feel like we never hang out anymore. And like, no offense to everyone else, but you're kind of my best friend, dude."

Dude. Derek takes a deep breath and says, "Nothing. Work's just been busy, that's all. Besides, you've been glued to Caitlin's hip."

Stiles tilts his head. "Wait, what does Caitlin have to do with this?"

"I don't know. You tell me." Derek steps forward, ready to brush past Stiles, but then Stiles puts his hand on Derek's shoulder and he freezes at the touch.

"Derek, c'mon. You can trust me. Tell me anything. I promise." Stiles' eyes plead with him.

"It's really nothing," Derek mumbles. He closes his eyes briefly before adding, "Like I said, work's been busy."

"Oh. Okay." Stiles lets him go. And just like that, Derek's heart breaks all over again.

Derek makes his way back to the living room, and accidentally, gets caught up in a small group with Caitlin. He tries to politely excuse himself, but before he can, Caitlin says, "Do you all know if Malia is single?"

He freezes.

"No, she's not. She's actually dating Kira," Erica says, glancing curiously at Derek. "Why... why do you ask?"

Caitlin pouts. "Oh. No, I just... had a crush on her. No biggie though. I'm not here to step on any toes."

Derek would scoff if his mind wasn't racing. Before he can stop himself, he blurts, "Aren't you dating Stiles?"

"Stilinski?" Caitlin asks, before she bursts into laughter. "What? Oh my god, no. He was just trying to help cheer me up after a brutal break-up. He doesn't even know that I've been eyeing his friend."

Derek can't catch his thoughts.

It's been two months. Two months of Stiles and Caitlin being so close. Two months of Derek mourning what could have been. Two months of him breaking his own heart over a misunderstanding and an assumption.

"Excuse me," he says, ignoring Erica's confused expression. He turns and immediately, his eyes lock onto Stiles' from across the room. Stiles' eyebrows come together. Derek nods towards the kitchen door and Stiles doesn't say a word to Laura and Cora as he leaves them.

"What's wrong?" Stiles whispers once he's in the kitchen behind Derek. Derek turns around, his eyes wide.

"Are you single?" he asks.

Stiles jerks his head back in surprise. "Uh, yeah. Hello? Have you met me? No one wants to put up with this ADHD mess of a human. Besides, I've been told I talk too much, and I'm just... y'know, too much in general. And--"

"Stiles," Derek interrupts.

He stills, staring at Derek. "What? Why did you ask anyway?"

"Stiles, I..."

"Wait. Did you think I was dating Caitlin?"

Sometimes, Stiles is too quick for his own good. Derek drags a hand through his hair. "Well... yeah."

Stiles scoffs. "Is that why you've been so distant and weird?"

"Sort of. I just wanted to give you space," Derek mumbles. "I mean, before she started hanging around us... you and I used to spend every minute together. And... and, I don't know!"

"Derek," Stiles says, quietly. Derek freezes again. "Why... why would you care?"

"Why?" Derek mutters. "What a great question. Why. Why would I care. I don't. I mean, I do. But I don't--I don't know, okay?"

"Yes, you do."

And here he is, doing it again. Stiles always knows how to push Derek's buttons. And maybe that's a good thing. Derek swallows, and quietly says, "You're my everything, Stiles. I...I gave you space with Caitlin because I couldn't handle seeing you two together. I couldn't--it just--it broke my heart, and--"

Stiles' smile could light up the whole goddamn city. Derek's heart pounds. "Derek. You know I'm in love with you, right?"

"Wha--"

"Have been since I was sixteen." Stiles shrugs. "Haven't you noticed how little I bring people around to the group? It's because no one ever measures up to you. It's because you're my everything. I just figured you'd never look at me like that."

"Wait," Derek starts. "My brain is trying to catch up."

Stiles laughs, and it's a beautiful sound. Perhaps Derek's favourite sound.

"I love you, you idiot. You. No one else," Stiles says. He says it with so much confidence that Derek allows himself to believe it.

Just this once.

Derek leans forward, but is pushed back when Stiles tackles him and his lips. They're kissing. He's kissing Stiles fucking Stilinski. Derek almost laughs in joy and surprise and confusion and pure delight. But the sound is muffled by Stiles' kisses.

"Oh my god, finally!"

They break apart to see Lydia standing in the doorframe. She clasps her hands together and smiles. "Y'all, Derek and Stiles are making out!"

"Lydia!" Derek hisses.

She sticks her tongue out while there are cheers and calls from the other room. Lydia winks. "I'll leave you two boys to it. When you come up for air, can you check on the pies? They're warming in the oven. Okay, love you, bye!"

And she slips back into the living room.

There's a moment of silence.

And then Derek finds himself laughing. And Stiles is laughing. And together, they laugh in between kisses, and everything feels right for the moment.

○○○

thanks for reading! I'm rusty, so please forgive me.

[thereferencebinder]

Yellowjackets - Pilot (S01E01)

My goal was to keep this as an archive just for visuals but this scene is one of my favorites ever from a screenwriting perspective so I have to dissect it.

Adult Shauna's first scene, her introduction in the show, being her masturbating on her daughter's bed, while staring at pictures of said daughter's boyfriend & using that same daughter's vibrator is GENIUS.

Having 2 timelines at the same time is tricky and can easily bore people if one is more exciting than the other, which, could be the case here, since the 1996 one has the plane crash; but introducing a 2021 character in such a shocking, even horrifying way, lets the audience know that this timeline is just as interesting, immediately hooking them.

At the same time, it tells you everything you need to know about Shauna, in a scene that lasts less than 30 secs, and without a single line of dialogue.

Shauna's need for control is evident throughout the season. She settled for a monotonous life, where nothing wrong or exciting can happen, but her impulses keep winning. This aspect of her is usually explored through sex. She's very sexual but, for her, it isn't about pleasure; it's just another aspect where she can gain control of her life, when she's feeling powerless.

Her relationship with her daughter is terrible, both because she reminds her of Jackie, & because she has everything Shauna never had, so she resents her. So, what does she do? masturbate on her bed. It's a big "fuck you" (not just to Callie, but to everything & everyone), another moment where her impulses took control, only to be repressed again as soon as she finishes & goes back to her boring life, like nothing happened.

Aside from her need for power over her own life & mind, Shauna also has huge issues when it comes to boundaries. We see her constantly crossing them & being inappropriate throughout the season, & this is one of the clearest examples.

Also, like I mentioned before, she's masturbating while staring at the boyfriend's pictures, but it's pretty clear that she's not attracted to him. Again, it's her trying to gain power by messing with people she shouldn't be messing with, a big "fuck you, I can get away with this & no one will ever know" to the world.

And while, what impressed me here was the script, other aspects are also interesting & complement the scene really well. The cinematography & production design are beautiful. In the first shot, the soft light over the face, along with the pristine (but natural) make up & her hair looking so soft & delicate create a huge contrast with what's being done in the scene, as well as with the sound she makes while orgasming, which reflects her mental estate & what this really means to her.

The second shot uses diagonal lines, as Yellowjackets tends to use, to show that things aren't right, which is when the vibrator is revealed.

In both shots, the color palette of the room is innocent, fun, cute and very "teen girl", which contrasts with the shades of blue in Shauna's clothes. This serves 3 purposes: First, it gives instant context to the scene, letting you know it's a teen girl's bedroom. Second, it shows how different & out of contact Shauna & her daughter are. Third, it's a way of letting the audience know Shauna is trapped in her teen self. On the outside, she grew up & is now in her 40s but on the inside, she's still stuck in that same mindset she had as a teen, she's emotionally immature & can't seem to move on, no matter how hard she tries; perfectly reflected here by all those shades of pink, surrounding her completely.

In general, Shauna & her sexuality are really interesting & complex, but this scene definitely takes the cake for me.

[waheelawhisperer]

Watched V9E5, thoughts are below. This one sucked less than the others, I guess.

Based on the title, we’ll finally get WBY back to normal size. Please. Please. I’m so done with this plotline.

Weiss got to say “freaking”. Go off, queen. Let her curse for real now though

Okay so Ascending is the form of death in the Ever After. Once the process is complete, you don’t remember anything and take a new form.

The Cat acknowledges that the beings of Remnant die “for real” and beings of the Ever After do not. The show is drawing a pretty clear association between Ascension and what we understand as death in this scene.

Now we know what happened to the Red King. It seems Alyx did not have an overly positive effect on the Ever After, from what we’ve seen so far

So something remains after Ascension, some core of… essence? Something that informs your personality and actions going forward. Your memories and who you were previously disappear, but a part of you remains?

Fucking Rooster Teeth reference (specifically to the homophobic slur they named the company after). Jerk yourselves off harder. I would never in my life be proud of an association with that company.

“Exposition is boring” not if you’re good at it (you aren’t) and sometimes it’s necessary

Why is every ally fucking useless

God this cat is annoying

Little is sleeping again, but they’re actually less irritating when they’re quiet so I don’t mind it too much

Penny’s sword did come back after all. I thought the writers had forgotten Ruby was supposed to care about her.

Cool robot lady, nice

I don’t blame Ruby for not opening up to the stranger here. Like normally it would be an issue that she represses and denies all her trauma but she has zero reason to trust the strange metal chick

We’re really hitting the burden of leadership theme hard this Volume huh

Whose face was that in the dagger? Looks like Ruby is seeing the owner of the weapons when she grabs them

This must be Summer Rose and Summer’s weapon. Looks like we’ll finally get to learn some of the story behind her 10 years in

That was kinda creepy honestly

At least Ruby finally acknowledged that she’s missing Crescent Rose. Maybe now she’ll give a damn about finding it, or at least we’ll learn why she doesn’t

Oh, so that emblem is Summer’s and carries a mother’s promise? Would’ve been nice to know that sooner, but I guess at least it’s something that makes Summer feel like she actually matters as something other than a plot device.

I’ve seen people say Ruby parted with the emblem too readily compared to what it represents/should represent to her, and I get where they’re coming from, but I’m not sure I agree. This scene presents it as a desperation move where Ruby’s grasping at straws (and it’s a nice callback to the other symbolism trades we’ve seen so far), given how she's visibly panicking and we can hear her whimper as she tries to come up with a solution, so I think how well it works for me will ultimately depend on whether the show actually lets Ruby engage with the loss of her mother’s symbol.

Blurch why are you asking what a Jabberwalker is didn’t you literally mention it earlier in the Volume? If not, one of your teammates did

Okay so the Jabberwalker can permanently kill the denizens of the Ever After

Still can't hear shit this guy is saying. If only my torrents had subtitles...

Damn, that was a cold move by the Cat. I already didn't like them, but that was ruthless as hell. If they're willing to toss Harvey Birdman away like that, what happens when Team RWBY stops being interesting? I do not trust them in the slightest.

Ruby you have a fucking Semblance just gap close to the stupid parfait instead of running

Nice heroic introduction for what I assume is the Rusted Knight and his noble steed, which looks like something out of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Cool design tbh

Blurch’s reaction here is genuinely adorable

Once again Yang is the one keeping everyone on track and focusing on the objective. This has been a trait she’s displayed since at least Volume 7 and I feel like it really goes overlooked when discussing her characterization. She was the one who spotted the teapot lady earlier too.

At least the fucking Tiny WBY plotline is finally over it felt like an eternity despite lasting 2 episodes

Yang really does get the coolest finishers

Oh, so this was a Neo illusion? I was wondering how the Jabberwalker had escaped her.

Uh, hello? I can acknowledge the value of a tactical retreat, but did you guys not just justifiably call Ironwood out for running and leaving innocents behind only a few days ago and then insist that fighting back was a Huntress’s job? Hell, just last episode you talked about how Huntresses defend those who cannot defend themselves. Good look for the heroes, MKEK. Maybe they’ll go find another mansion to drink tea in while someone else fights and dies.

Then again I hate everything about the Ever After as a setting so I don’t care if all these clowns get eaten

Wow I wonder if there are any parallels here with the fall of Atlas

or if the narrative will engage with them

“I am so tired of leaving places in ashes” so stop doing that, nothing the show has done has sold the Jabberwalker as something that can duel even one of you, you could’ve at least tried to fight, the three combat-capable members of your team trashed the roided-up Jabberwalker with ease and Yang kicked the original's ass bad enough it ran from her in terror with one fucking arm, you could've at least made a fucking effort to fight the swarm of scrub ones

these writers are hilariously tone-deaf it’s like they think every inadequacy in their work is funny

Blurch is fangirling again this is one of the bits of humor that actually lands for me

lmao it’s fucking He-Man Jaune why is he this sad excuse for a DILF I already hate this choice

The music has been really uninspired this Volume

Best episode so far despite not being particularly good, mainly because it wasn’t outright offensive and never made me angry enough to pause and strangle the air in front of me while pretending it was one of the writers

Overall rating: Mediocre/10

[moonrisecalamityretreat]

Shattered | Sayuri Reaction

It happened so fast. Finding themselves in the library, seeing Ikko and Yvette with files. They had unearthed something amazing that could help all of them understand more about the situation. Sayuri reserved her hope, as there was a high probability of being interrupted. The interlopers to their moment were two cultists, ready to slaughter all of them, and for what? 

When the first gunshot rang out, Sayuri dove to the floor, ducking her head into her arms, aiming to protect herself from potentially fatal bullets. But it isn’t until Sayuri hears the whirring of mechanical precision and no recoil from bullets that she looks up. Her eyes widen to admire Ikko, who’s always been so strong and capable, stop bullets. Her words were never a waste, and always cut right into the right position to make things worth it. Never a breath spent on something unimportant. 

At first, she made it clear that they weren’t going to be friends. Of course, as having people you cared about got you murdered. The probability of dying only heightened as you grew to care about people, as it put your guards down. It made you reckless. It pushed you into the path of a bullet spray to protect your friend. Sayuri yelled out as Ikko was shot down, the only word needed to be uttered said: “Yvette.” A warning for her to get down, as nothing else needed to be said. 

When Ikko’s corpse fell to the ground, Sayuri felt frozen. Blood pooled as her own blood chilled in her body. It’s funny, how no matter how often you see a corpse, it never gets easier to cope with them. Muted words of rejection and denial danced on Sayuri’s lips. Out of everyone here that could have died, Ikko was the one who truly understood Sayuri. Sure, Ken loved her, but he saw no faults within her. Ikko saw the sharp parts of Sayuri, that she tried so desperately to whittle down. The way she softened and silenced herself to be safe from the world, a juxtaposition to the way Ikko knocked down anything in her path to live her life to the fullest. 

Ikko was Sayuri’s inspiration, like an older sister, whom she could look up to, to vent to, and cry to. She found a bond she wasn’t familiar with, within Ikko. Ikko saw all the parts, both ugly and beautiful, in Sayuri, and accepted all of it. Her garden was a mess, but Ikko knew… She knew. 

Whatever your past might be, wherever and however you have to find it or be found by it, I promise you this. You don’t have to worry about that here, Sayuri.

She was scared of being a monster to the one woman who had already lived Sayuri’s pain. Maybe she wasn’t a murderer, but she saw Sayuri’s struggles to become something more than the sheltered withered flower she found herself being.

I only care about the you that’s standing here, right before me.

Her body moved itself, crawling over to Ikko’s corpse as it lay on the floor. The others can focus. They can work hard for Sayuri. She knew she shouldn’t have gotten close to anyone, but how could she help it? How could she deny..? Ikko was so much more than Sayuri could have ever imagined.

And, in time, the Sayuri Nomura that will keep blossoming in the years to come, brighter and brighter. Even if you can’t escape, atop the dead roots, I know that you’ll grow into something beautiful.

And now, Ikko will never see Sayuri blossom. 

She warned Sayuri not to repress herself. Hanji did, too. There wasn’t enough time in the world to hide how you felt. In a quick motion, Sayuri’s eyes filled with tears as she bent down, wrapping her arms around Ikko. She would never see Sayuri find her way. She’d never help take care of Ken. She’d never go home back to her business! She’d never find the ones she lost. All the grief of losing her friend finally burst Sayuri’s dam. While she may be dehydrated, her eyes found enough water for tears, nonetheless. Painful, salted tears that roll so freely down Sayuri’s cheeks. 

“No! Noooo… Please…. I can’t lose you

… Ikkoooooo….!”

Her voice was hoarse as she sobbed into the dead woman’s shoulder, remembering how it felt the first and last time they embraced.

… You’re safe here.

[twingerine]

He’s hurt. He’s unconscious. There was no other explanation as she runs over to him, lying so still on the dirty linoleum floor, dropping to her knees immediately.

“Fucking hell, what happened to you?” Her voice wavers as she leans over, and it’s just like she knows that this was more. This was worse. Anne had seen her fair share of corpses. She had been one herself. And even briefly so dead, it was something so obvious. Still.

Index and middle-finger pressed to his neck in a desperate search for a pulse. And he feels so heavy, as she tries to prep him up, did he feel so heavy before? He’s slumped against her chest, head lying on her shoulder, no tension. So limp. We wouldn’t have done it if he were…

People die on the job. It’s something no one should be surprised of. It comes with the job description, and death was a constant companion for anyone of them. A friend, a lover, but always a shadow that followed. She accepted it long ago, even before she made her first kill. But it’s always other people, nameless and faceless, not worth of any attention, even if they had their own lives, people they loved, people that would miss them.

( No time for emotion. No time for emotion. No time for- )

Her body convulses in dry sobs that she represses again, jaw clenched and gaze hard as she tries to blink away the coming tears angrily, lips pressed to a hard line. It was easy to lash out now, at him, at herself, at the killer who could still run around, for whom she had a bullet waiting, who she would tear apart with her own hands.

She pulls Tangerine up again, as her fingers move the bloodied curls from his forehead, eyes closed, mouth slightly opened. It’s almost peaceful, as the tips of her fingers touch his cheek, with so many details she never noticed before. There’s still some warmth left on his skin, just as if he could come back, just as if if she made the right choices, he could be alive. If she had been fast enough. If she hadn’t left his side, if she had insisted, he could still live.

This is your fault.

Could’ve. Should’ve. Would’ve. It doesn’t matter any more. Nothing matters.

In the end, she doesn’t know how long she’s been sitting next to him, her fingers interlaced with his, her face bloodied and pale, as if life had left her too now, gently rocking the body as tears muddy her face, inhaling and exhaling, inhaling and exhaling, because there’s nothing else to do.

( No time for emotion. )

“I’m sorry I didn’t-”

She bends down, her lips briefly touching the corner of his mouth, still not daring to do more, still not daring to say anything more, still keeping it shut and quiet and calm and professional. And she lets the body gently slide down, tearing herself lose as shaky fingers grab the gun lying next to them. She didn’t even know his name.

Another time. Another life.

the scream I scrumpt

[thecameronchronicles]

Blow My Mind

TW: Smut. Oral sex. Language.

SUMMARY: You give JJ his first blowjob. 

WORD COUNT:

*Requested*

Anonymous asked:

Request🤍 reader blowing jj for the first time (not her first ever just the first w jj) and he’s all you don’t have to if you don’t want to but she does it and jj finds out she doesn’t have a gag reflex and he just loses his mind

((Maybe also from jj pov)) love your writing btw

*HI! I’M SO EXCITED FOR THIS ONE! HOPE I DO IT JUSTICE! THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT! XO*

Blow My Mind

How could I not think about it when her kiss alone made my head spin? Naturally, my mind conjured the idea of those lips traveling lower, those beautiful and full eyes keeping to my reactions as she’d take me to the extent of her reflex. My fingers wrapped in her hair as her cheeks hollowed and she gagged-nope, I didn’t think about it at all…or at least, I tried not to. But every time she straddled me, rising and falling enough to bring that adorable and innocent giggle from behind a contradictingly sinful smirk, the need for more always made me almost desperate. The things I would do for this girl, all for her touch. Even something as stupid as a brush of her fingers running through my hair. Yep…I’m so goddamn whipped…

“JJ?” She called breathlessly from my neck, my eyes having fallen closed in basking in how those small pecks that had begun on my skin were now leaving hickies for everyone to see tomorrow. My lids came open with hesitance as I found her playing with the belt separating me from her, my cock already begging for attention that it seemed she was considering giving. 

“Can you take these off-”

“Can I..” I tried to repeat her question for validation as she nodded, my arm lifting her high enough to keep her close while obeying her request. Immediately, her eyes illuminated with eager enlightenment as she would grind against me, her lips returning to my neck, but softer this time, clearly doing so for a purpose while her fingers moved beneath my shirt, gently clawing at my chest. And no matter how hard I tried, those damned groans escaped from my attempts to keep them caged, worsening as she would smirk against my skin, well aware of her affect on me. 

When she pulled away, however, there was a specific mischief behind her eyes I’d never seen before. And I was naive enough to believe it still came from a place of such innocence. How could you blame me? The girl blushed whenever sex was mentioned in any other setting, but the second she was alone with me, she was working out every single one of her daddy issues on my body. And me? The willing participant, all too eager to allow her whatever rush she needed. 

But this-THIS was too much. The positioning of her to her knees was enough to make me come, my cock twitching at the sight of her preparing for what I’d imagined a thousand times over. Because this was more than sex, there wasn’t anything in it for her. She was doing this for me and I had to repress every natural response my body had long enough for it to be worth my while as I wasn’t sure how often of an occurrence this would be. 

“You-you don’t have to, you know…” I spoke with chivalry as she would position her elbows on my knees before pulling me from my boxers. 

“I want to, JJ…I want to make you come…” My eyes fought to stay open to her words. Hearing her say them felt so wrong as my body reacted to the breath on my dick, already tearing up for her. 

“You’re always so good to me…” She pressed a kiss on its tip, my body jolting forward to the tongue that made this a French kiss, sliding across my slit and forcing more precum to her palate. 

“I wanna be good to you…”

“Shit…” I breathed deeply as he rhand came to a wrap at my base, removing this grip long enough to make me naked from the waist down, where she returned to pin my legs with her elbows, with a new flicker of enthusiasm behind her eyes. 

“I just want to ask one thing-”

“Oh my God, anything-” I offered, truly willing to go to any lengths necessary for whatever it was she was about to ask for. Even if it would be illegal-which if I was honest, wouldn’t exactly stop me without the promise of what she was offering. But for her, I would do it without a care of what came after. All for her…

She chuckled to my quick and desperate response before explaining her condition. 

“I want you to tell me when you come…I want to know that I’m doing a good job…” She ran her fingers up my thighs as I tensed beneath her, my eyes somewhere between closed and in a glare as I could only nod. 

The second that she took me between her lips my mind went blank of anything but the sensation. Warm. Wet. A slow succession that quickened as I groaned in approval. Then the most innocent of moans to leave her innocent litlt elips tainted by this action-and I fucking lived for it. I didn’t know what my purpose was in life as the philosophical shit was saved more for Kie and Pope, but at this moment, I know SHE was made for this-for me, and I was made to live in this moment with her. 

Her eyes never leaving me as she took me to the depth of her throat, my own gaze waiting for that retching of a gag I had come to expect. But it never came. She didn’t have a goddamn gag reflex! When she saw the surprise on my face when realizing this, she moved faster, taking me completely to my base, only labored breathing and a teary gaze having shown the effect I had on her as I repressed the urge to spill down her throat with every pump. 

“Shit…” She nodded, her nails eating into my naked thigh as she didn’t even use her hands. Fuck, she WAS trying to kill me, I was certain of it…But if I were to die…It would be happily, if this were the means to my end. 

But I wanted it to last. I needed it to last. To prove something silently between us. But as I attempted to think of the least sexual things I could, every time my cock would be met with a lack of a gag had only taken my fingers harshly against the fabric of the couch. When noticing how I struggled, trying to keep my curses at bay as I groaned into my shoulder, she would lead my hand through your hair. 

“Pull it…” She breathed as I was quick to allow my tension to come through this way, still careful to not hurt her, but holding her firm enough to keep the strands from her face. 

“Fuck, princess, I’m not gonna last-”

“Good…I want you to come JJ…For me…” Those two words ‘for me’ were always enough to make me risk and relinquish anything if it meant making her happy. But while she was on her knees for me, my cock returned to her throat, I was a man on a mission. Whatever she wanted, she would have. No matter the consequences. 

“FUCKING SHIT!” I belted as her mouth suddenly retracted and her tongue ran  lines at my balls, painfully heavy and the cock above flexing for the sensation it allowed. A massage of sorts that felt electric to my core. She would retreat when I had begun to tremble, looking up at me with pride, as I pulled her to my lips, needing to thank her, if this had been the only means I could without reciprocation due to my own desperation for continuation. 

“Are you close?” I nodded, ashamed as she would stroke me slowly, no need for lubrication as I was weeping for her touch, for mouth, shit, she could probably just look at my cock at this point and I would’ve come for her. 

“You don’t have to uhm…I can use my hand to finish-”

“You think I’m done?” She bit her bottom lip, lowering back to my head. 

“I’m not done until I swallow, J…I’m thorough…for you…” My eyes rolled as she took me again, this time, relentless and almost angrily as my moans and curses fell in the same accordance to each breath. My fingers held her hair tight as I bucked into her, my head bowing in submission to the rush taking me over. No matter the thoughts I attempted to pull forward to prolong this release, it was rushing too quickly to object. 

“I’m gonna-I’m gonna come…It’s right-FUCK!” This was heaven. This release. Her capturing it. And me hovering above her to watch her lift with teary eyes made possible by her own ambition made me certain this was heaven. The sound of her swallowing me only added to this, forcing my cock to twitch once again, as she would remain on her knees, an innocent expression now looking up at me as if waiting for me to speak. 

“So?”

“What the fuck was that?” She chuckled. 

“Did you like it? Was I…okay?”

“Okay?! There isn’t a word for what you are…I’m sure Pope has one but…He’s never gonna find out for himself…” I spoke quickly, not wanting anybody else to know how she felt or looked on her knees. Damn, just the thought made me need her again. But not for my own release, but to give her her own. 

“But now…it’s my turn-”

“J!”

“It’s only fair, sweetheart…” And she was laid onto her back, my own task clear, as I revealed her to me and made my own imprint on her memory, and the couch as it was stained in her release in record time…

Taglist: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @obxxrxfes @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @rafesbae @pankhoeforlife

[keiicom]

I'M ELABORATING BC I PROMISED I WOULD

Similarities between orv and link click's main dynamics

orv and link click s2 spoilers warning for those who haven't read/watched either (you totally should btw)

Vortex gives Yoo Joonghyuk's regressions. There, I said it, WATCH IT AGAIN WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE IN MIND /lh. At this point in time (aka after the S1 events) Cheng Xiaoshi has come to the realization that bad things keep happening over and over no matter how hard he tries to change them, no matter how many times he attempts to just do things right. Make everything better. And most of the time, there's the added guilt of things being worse BECAUSE of him. He's been punished for trying, for not giving up on the world, and the tension and guilt and regret have started to build up inside of him like a shadow at first, but turn into something much more dangerous and real as time passes. It then takes a toll on his mental health. *points* yoo joonghyuk

Vortex is Link Click S2's opening song btw

Two (three w/ S2?) B&W-themed mfers repeatedly try to change fate yet are (for the most part) powerless to stop tragedy from occurring: the saga. Also found family

The 'save the world vs save a loved one' trope is also present in both cases, with the whole yoohankim dynamic throughout the novel and the possible regression to save lu guang in Link Click [which S2 SPOILERS AFTER THIS → didn't end up happening but when I wrote it down in my notes it was a possibility so I'm leaving it here too]

One of the two is presented as the 'logical one, brains of the operation' (Kdj, Lu Guang), while cxs and yoohan are the 'driven by emotion' guys—whatever that emotion may be. However, not too long after having those traits be established, there's a shift; we learn that the logical characters can make vital mistakes due to their repressed/hidden emotions (kdj's fourth wall/unreliability and all those Lu Guang theories going around 👀 mans is a mystery). At the same time, the supposedly emotion-driven characters begin to show their smart side where the logical characters fail, via strategizing in cxs and hsy's case and the simple-yet-effective-and-reasonable plans on yjh's side. *In Ken voice* they're not Just Ken One, both people can take the other's place in their dynamic if need be, and that's probably why they work so well together imo

↑ Kind of unrelated but yjh thinking "what would kdj do in this situation?" Will never Not be heart wrenching and so so so important to me. anyway moving on bc this isn't supposed to be a yjh post lmao

Now that we've established the yjh/hsy = cxs and kdj= lu guang, allow me to say the opposite is also true, especially during the first ≈170 chapters of orv >:) because while one (kdj/cxs) is seemingly the one who wears their heart on their sleeve, the other (lu guang/yjh) is supposedly the cold one that thinks of the greater good instead of 'being affected by their personal emotions' [this is part of their facade and doesn't really apply once you get more into the story but I thought it interesting how both stories go from this to the actual opposite dynamic]. In han sooyoung's case she's a mix of both, because while she seems to be pursuing something out of her own selfishness, she does let emotions get in the way (balance??)

Both groups go through a divorce arc at one point /j AND IT'S OVER THE SAME THING TOO, LIKE- trust has been broken, one feels betrayed, yadda yadda, then they make up and become gayer than ever, we been knew

✨ abandonment issues ✨ did you mean: all of them, openly or secretly.

"How far would they go to ___?" Is tested over and over again, and it's done in a masterful way. It's not a matter of how much they care, because it's repeatedly established that they care, they care too much, to the point they'd sacrifice a lot to get to their end goal. The question is how far they're willing to go...and how far others will let them. How much can they sacrifice before one of them decides it's enough? Resolve is tested, interests clash, drama ensues and it's all because they care too much about different things...different people.

Your honor I love them

@spaceangst tagging you because I'm not sure how reblogs work atm and didn't know if it'd automatically reach you or not rhskrnsk sorry for tagging

orv yoohankim au but it’s link click trio feat. dokja as cheng xiaoshi, sooyoung as qiao ling, and joonghyuk as lu guang

[the-spooky-alien]

Day 15 of Fictober !

Fandom : X-Files with the prompt "What are you doing ?"

Tagging @today-in-fic and @xffictober2022

-

He wakes up.

In the darkness, he hears his sister screaming for help, a remnant of his dream. A remnant of his childhood, of Stratego games and warm Christmas. Of the girl, lost in the stars, young and naive, believing her big brother would come for her.

Fox, help me !

(He tries so hard. Every time he comes too close, Samantha's shadow slips from his outstretched fingers, leaving behind nothing but the bitter taste of guilt on his tongue.)

The room is cold, or maybe the cold comes from somewhere deep in his soul. His body shivers, goosebumps rising on his arms. Glancing to his side, he notices Scully, curled in a ball, has hogged all the covers, leaving him with nothing.

Even the sight of her, soft and warm, isn't enough to ease the weight settling on him. With an inaudible sigh, he gets to his feet, the cool floor chilling him further until he doesn't know if he'll ever get warm again.

Her living-room is awashed with the street's lights. For a moment, he stays still, studying the peacefulness of the room, witnessing how alive it is under the moon's rays. It feels vibrant, like Scully is, and he can't help but feel out of place, both here and not here, at once lost and found.

He feels like he's drifting, his little boat gliding on a still water, the horizon so far away he'll never reach it. And no matter how much he would like to stop, to get out of the boat, it keeps drifting.

Sometimes, he wonders if he'll ever get out. If Samantha's ghost will always hover above him, whispering with her sweet voice in his ears, weighing on his shoulders as if she's sitting on them, like the child she is.

Was.

Is.

Not knowing if she's out there, on a boat too, desperately searching for him, for his help, is what wakes him up at night, sending adrenaline rushing through his body because he still hasn't found her. She has no one but him.

(No one has found him either. He's drifting on the sea, pushed and pulled and threatened to be swallowed by the waves.)

He blinks and finds himself on Scully's couch, with no recognition of how he ended there. He blinks again and Scully is here, studying with a frown.

''Mulder,'' and her voice echoes in the quiet of the room, gentle, like the caress of the breeze on his cheeks on summer days, ''what are you doing ?''

Words are heavy on his tongue, heavier on his mind, so he shrugs. Absently, he notices the burn growing in his eyes, the lump planting its roots in his throat. Scully's face wrinkles in concern but she says nothing more and simply settles next to him, close enough to brush against his side.

She's so warm, he wants to bury himself in her until she sets his soul aflame.

Instead, he hangs his head and sighs, tries to will away everything rotten in him so he can tell her to go back to sleep.

(He can't. He's selfish like that, he wants her, yearns for her, especially when the dark tugs at him. She's his light, his anchor, he realizes, and without her, there's no hope for peace. For the drifting to stop.)

''Do you need anything ?'' she asks at one point, turning slightly until her words are muffled against his shoulder. He turns to her, watches her face, so adorably sleepy, and wants to cry.

He shakes his head, and, from the depths of his mind it rises, unbidden, tumbling out of his mouth before he can think about it.

''I miss her.''

Scully's hand falls to his, their fingers interlacing. She knows who he's talking about of course.

Who else could wake him up at night, could drape him in a blanket of sorrow and guilt, if not for the sister he failed - fail - to save ?

''I know.''

It's all she says, but it's enough to open the dam, to make everything floods his mind until he can't repress the wrenching sobs from tearing his throat. Without hesitation, Scully moves on his lap, wrapping herself around him to shush his cries and hold every pieces of him together, keeping him from shattering completely.

(He wonders if the sharp edge of his shards makes her fingers bleed. If the blood is enough to prevent her from mending him back, or if she doesn't care about the crimson stain, about her own pain, when it comes to him.)

''Shh, Mulder, it's okay,'' she croons against his ear, one of her hand craddling his head, in a way that is so tender he can only cry harder. ''It's alright. You will find her.''

He's so tired of false hopes and the acid taste of disappointment. ''How can you believe that ?''

Scully pulls away slightly, combing back his hair from his forehead. ''Because if someone can, it's you. Because you will never stop until you do. Because I will help you do so.'' Her lips curl in a smile, small and sad. ''Because you're her big brother, and maybe that's what big brothers and sisters do. Find each other no matter what.''

He thinks of Melissa, buried six feet under the ground.

He thinks of Samantha, lost in the stars.

He thinks of them both, lost sisters, and weeps for their broken life.

Through it all, Scully holds him, anchoring his drifting boat.

[erodasfishtacos]

can you write something about cheating harry and yn acting like a proper couple in front of anna, like harry with his arm around her and kissing her head and stuff, and anna is just standing there fuming and maybe tries to get physical with yn

Love Your Broken Pieces

-

warnings: cheating; mentions of trauma and domestic abuse

if you enjoy please consider donating $3 to my ko fi.

(any donations over $15 get a guaranteed blurb written of their choosing!)

reblog, like, comment, & come chat!

-

YN really really didn’t want to go out.

She wasn’t going to tell Harry that because it was a celebratory dinner for him because he’d just won Entrperur of the yearand she wasn’t going to ruin it.

It’s not that she didn’t want to celebrate his achievement.

She was so so proud of him but her therapy session had got moved up a day because the therapist had to go out of town.

YN didn’t want to bother him so she had went herself without telling him.

It was trauma-focused therapy which meant it was intensive, draining, and overall triggering at time.

Today had sparked a new memory that she had suppressed and she was really struggling to get through the day without his support.

She shouldn’t need him for everything. It wasn’t fair to him.

So she’d sat on her bed for thirty minutes before she managed to pull on a nice dress before curling her hair - zoning out and accidentally burning herself lightly.

Harry had to pick up Anna, offered to pick up YN.

“Hey pup, y’want me t’pick you up on the way?” Harry had called while she was swiping on mascara.

“No, I’ll just Uber,” YN try to keep her tone light but couldn’t stomach sitting in the car with that disgusting woman right now.

“No, let me come get you,” He insists, always preferring to drive her around over some stranger.

“I really don’t want to be in the car with Anna, okay? Just drop it,” YN replies a bit too tersely.

There’s a pregnant pause.

“What’s wrong, puppy?” Harry knows her much to well.

She couldn’t help but bristle, “Nothing. I just have to get ready. Okay? I’ll see you there.”

YN shouldn’t have hung up like that but her hands were shaking and it was taking all of her might to pull herself together to go.

“It’s all your fuckin’ fault your mum hates me,” Her dad had spat at her, right in the kitchen after dinner.

“Fuck,” She mumbles to herself as she drops her lipstick and it rolls under the dresser.

—

She canceled two Ubers before she found a driver who didn’t seem intimidating.

It made her fashionably late, everyone already seated, and it doesn’t make it any better when Anna greets her.

“About time. Can’t even make it at a respectable time for your supposed best friend’s dinner.”

Anna and Gemma both make a grimacing face at the rude comment but Harry interrupts before they interject, “S’okay, Uber’s can be a pain in the arse.”

“Er, yeah. The Uber…” YN mumbles lowly, there was an empty seat across from Harry that had been saved for her.

She could feel Harry’s eyes following her, studying her as she kept her head down and looked on the verge of tears.

“You look too much like your goddamn mother.”

“What d’you want to drink?” Harry asks softly, tapping her foot under the table.

“God Harry, she’s not a child,” Anna rolls her eyes as she glances over her menu.

Harry glares over at her with a strict warning glance that she needs to change her attitude or there is gonna be an issue.

“Just water,” YN replies, swallowing hard.

He knows somethings wrong when she doesn’t bite back at her, instead looking down at the menu like it’s the most interesting thing ever.

Harry had already known by the phone call.

There were quite a few people at the dinner, constantly engaging him in conversation as YN kept to herself.

It’s after the appetizer’s arrive that he can’t stand her fake smiles and attempts to seem like she’s enjoying herself.

“Outside, now,” Harry says firmly, not a question but a statement.

“Harry, don’t,” Anna huffs, not liking the private attention her enemy is about to get.

“I don’t remember askin’ you,” He hisses under his breath before following YN’s retreating figure to the main entrance.

They end up in the small alleyway, “Tell me what’s going on.”

YN’s eyes are moody, putting back on a nonchalant expression that would work for anyone but him, “I’m fine, I don’t know why you’re making a big deal. Let’s go enjoy your dinner.”

Harry backs her up against the brick wall, hand over her shoulder, “We’re not goin’ anywhere until you tel me. M’not stupid.”

It triggers something because she starts sniffling, whispers, “You’re going to be mad at me.”

His hard facial features relax, pressing his forehead to hers, “Please pup, y’know I love you no matter what.”

“My therapist moved our session to today. I went and uh…” YN begins to full on cry, burying her face in her hands.

“C’mon, tell me,” He encourages softly.

“It triggered a repressed memory. I…I didn’t want to ruin tonight for you. I fuck up everything for you already,” She chokes out, letting him pry her hands away.

“Puppy,” He murmurs with a laugh of disbelief, “I fuckin’ wake up everyday because of you. You make my life worth livin’. I’m not happy unless y’are.”

“I just…didn’t want tonight to go like this,” YN sighs quietly, “One night without my trauma.”

“Hey, hey. We’re workin’ through it together, yeah? It takes time. Y’made the effort to come and that means more to me than anything else,” He says truthfully, tilting her chin up.

Harry melts a bit when she leans up to give him a lightening fast peck, “I am so proud of all your accomplishments.”

“Wouldn’t have done any of it without you, sweet girl,” He rubs a thumb under her eye to wipe off a streak of makeup.

They stand outside for a minute longer in a tight hug.

-

When they walk back into the restaurant, Harry quietly asks Gemma to switch YN seats which she graciously agrees without a fuss.

Anna is shooting daggers at YN while the change happens and Harry pushes in her seat for her.

The whole dinner consists of Anna fuming and hanging on every single movement between the two despite her hand on Harry’s thigh.

When he scoops up a bit of his mashed potatoes and feeds them to YN, laughs when she makes a face at the amount of chives mixed in.

It’s like he doesn’t even noticed the casual arm he occasionally throws around the back of YN’s seat as they chat.

“Harry,” YN scolds with a small smile when he steals a shrimp from her plate when she’s not looking.

Anna had shrimp too and he didn’t look once to do that to her.

“S’good, here, have a bite of m’steak. Know Y’don’t like it rare but s’good. I promise,” He encourages, cutting her a thick piece.

How the fuck did Harry know how YN liked her steak?

He didn’t even remember Anna’s favorite color.

“Y’gettin’ sleepy?” Harry whispers to YN towards the end of the meal, his lips are nearly brushing her ear and Anna pinches his thigh hard.

“Fuck,” Harry replies, flinching away from the pain as he turns to his girlfriend, “Wha’ did you do that for?”

“Can you pay at least a little bit of attention to me? I’m your girlfriend despite how much YN wants to pretend she is,” Anna says haughtily, loud enough for her to hear.

Harry is about to snap on her but instead YN speaks up first, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know jealously was on the menu. Eat up, Anna.”

Anna begins to sneer but Harry says, “Why don’t you go take a second in the bathroom? Then we can talk, okay?”

With a little stubbornness, she does - stomping away from the table without looking back at YN who had rolled her eyes.

“Y’on my menu tonight? A bath and cuddle sounds nice,” He offers to his love, thumbing her upper thigh.

“So nice,” YN agrees, “Can we use that sugar cookie bath bomb?”

“Of course, anythin’ you want, m’pup,” Harry hums sweetly, kissing the top of her head.

Anna is walking back when she sees it.

He’s cheating on me.

It flashes through her mind but she pushes it away because she reminds herself that YN is a pathetic little clingy girl who Harry wouldn’t ever like that way.

—

Later that night, Harry holds YN as she recount her memory.

Praises her for being so strong.

Kisses her because he loves her so much it hurts most days.

Assures her that he’ll love her even if she’s never ‘fixed’.

Promises that he’ll never let anyone hurt her again.

—

I’d love feedback 🥺

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[stromuprisahat]

Lucien

Third wheel to Feylin, spends the beginning of ACoMaF trapped between rock and hard place, trying not to stand up to Tamlin, his liege, failing to help Feyre or deal with his own shit.

Chapter 2

Feyre dares to ask for permission to leave the manor.

Chapter 3

She’s not allowed to test her new strengths. If Lucien can run three miles in few minutes, and she’s likely to be able to keep up with him, what’s the point of horses? Two thinks come to mind:

She won’t learn her boundaries, so she’ll stay in her human-ish ones.

A Lady doesn’t run, she’s moved elsewhere, paraded around, then moved back.

Feyre’s afraid to be weak, she thinks she’s damaged beyond repair. People around, pushing her into the role of some fragile flower, won’t help.

Lucien does what he’s ordered, not considering the impact on Feyre. Understandable. Acceptable in a soldier, not her friend.

Another word for “rules, rankings, and order” is repression. Tamlin’s the High Lord, his word is law, there’s no one forcing him to keep Feyre on such a short leash. Only his own fear.

Lucien: Look how bad Tam has it!

Feyre: Yeah, but it makes ~me~ feel like this!

Lucien: Well, you’re wrong...

“That’s not how it is and you know it.” is NOT how you persuade someone they’re safe and free, that’s affirming their fears with a drop of gaslighting.

It’s a thankless job to play a middle man, but Lucien seems to have picked a side. And he’s certainly NOT Feyre’s ally at the moment.

Again, this is just explaining why is Tamlin succumbing to his fears. Why are all those restrictions logical. Who cares about Feyre’s feelings? She obviously has them, because she doesn’t understand Tam’s difficult situation. No matter how irrational he is.

This is straight up offensive. When did Feyre wanna become a passive figure? Just some eye candy on High Lord’s arm?! She abandoned life in comfort to risk her own life to save the whole stupid Prythian, ff’s sake!

In a nutshell- Feyre’s to become a tool, accesory of her husband.

Ianthe has quite a lot of influence over Tamlin. Priestess, who’s been living with them for three months is trusted enough to know the people sufficiently to be able to decide if they can pay. I’m starting to doubt soundness of Tamlin’s judgement, not just his emotional self-control.

Okay, but what’s the point of all this, aside from making Feyre feel uneducated, less, lacking? Even worse- she’s already self-conscious due to her illiteracy, lack of knowledge will be understandably a sore spot.

If Tamlin knows this situation isn’t sustainable, he has a funny way of showing it.

Talk to him? Except Feyre tried to, and she’s told he won’t discuss that with her and leaves the conversation.

How deliberate is the choice of Lucien as Feyre’s guard and middleman between her and Tamlin’s oppressing tendencies? The person, who’s likely to see Tam’s side better? The duty won’t be his main drive, for him it’s personal.

Not to mention Lucien’s damaged enough to think lying in relationship is excusable.

Helping those people was supposed to be Feyre’s way to “learn to live again”. Instead she’s treated as an obstacle of their healing. She gave up everything and got blind worship and rejection in return.

The only way forward Feyre’s allowed to pursue, is completely out of her hands. Tied up in expectations, rules and traditions she cannot break or even only bend.

[ladyintree]

it wasn't that long ago when taissa approached shauna about the same thing  ---  she was the monster underneath her son's bed   (   or rather,   outside his window   )     and because of all the things she'd been through,     all the things she refused to deal with,   she was only going to keep scaring him.    she could warn simone,   but she couldn't truly tell her everything she wanted to say.   she had to go to someone who already knew,   someone who was the first to really know what horrors had come of taissa in her sleep.  for someone who had spent a majority of her life masking the worst parts of herself,    she knew she could always be her most vulnerable with shauna  ---   and in turn,  she hoped the same was true for the other woman,   especially now.

no matter what happened.   no matter the lies,  the betrayal  ---   she couldn't push it aside,   focus solely on what matters now,   and that's making sure shauna is okay.   they're relying on the usual lies they tell themselves:    that their families will be okay.   they won't.   and taissa has never been more terrified of making her way home than she is right now,   but at least for a moment,   maybe they can convince themselves there's some truth to it.   

taissa brings her arm around shauna's shoulders,   holding her against herself  ---   because even if she doesn't want to talk,   this has always been enough for them,   too.    her eyes close when she does start to speak,   as if it's a look into her own future   (   she's already fucked up her own kid enough for him to notice,  right,   so how much worse will it be when he's callie's age?   ---   if she's even still in his life,  that is.   )      

❝  we can tell ourselves that,   that we can keep the worst shit all to ourselves.   i mean,   fuck,  we've all tried that.  ❞   maybe lottie was right:   that other part of herself just didn't want to be repressed.  maybe none of this is supposed to be,   and even though she doesn't know what to do with that just yet,   it's weighing on her mind.   ❝  but the ones closest to us?   they were always gonna find out,   no matter how hard we tried,   you know?    up to you now on how much you tell her.  ❞    under any other circumstances,   those words might've come with a slight threat that she should never tell anyone,   even her daughter  ---   but things are different now.   callie saw it firsthand.   shauna can't ignore that,   and tai can't,  either.    so she'll be here,   helping her figure out the right words,   even if they feel impossible. 

as hard as it is to hear out loud,  taissa knows the relief she felt when she admitted her fear in a fury to van days prior,  too  ---  and she hopes,  if anything,  shauna at least feels that.   something about being on lottie's compound gives her the strength to be open like she once was,   many years ago,  back in the wilderness that shield them from reality.     ❝  i know, ❞    she mumbles,   hand rubbing shauna's shoulder gently as her other hand moves to her own forehead,   pressing into it at the reminder of how rare sleep has been.   ❝  i am,  too.  ❞    maybe that's all she really can say  --  her own confession of the truth.    after a long moment,  she speaks again.    ❝   but  ---   i'm not going anywhere,  shauna.  ❞    it's not a promise she can keep,  but at least for now,  she means it.  

IT'S SOMETHING ABOUT FAMILY, ALL THIS, something about the ties that bind - shauna doesn't know what family is anymore, except that it's an agony, a thing gone through together and all of them worse for it, but she knows that taissa is that for her as much as jeff or callie have ever been. not friends, not sisters, but something other, great and terrible and too much to look at head on. maybe that's why tai knows exactly what's running through her head, all of it callie, callie, callie like it should have always been but wasn't, because before they were mothers they were both of them starving and tai knows better than anyone what shauna looks like in her pain.

if she could hold more than that one thought in her head right now, she might give some attention to how selfless this is - but that's tai, isn't it, always dropping everything for shauna when she needs it, and all she can do is take what's on offer. weary sigh leaves her lips, exhaustion heavy in her limbs and heart, and she finds herself leaning into tai like a flower seeking sun. ( callie won't be okay. sammy won't be okay. right now, it feels like none of them will ever be okay again, but she has just enough sense to keep that much tucked behind her teeth. )

" i spent so long trying to - to keep all this from her, " she says, shaking with emotion, mourning. " i thought - i thought, y'know, if nothing else at least i can do this one thing to keep her safe, and now ... "

maybe, she can tell herself, she imagined what she saw: adrenaline does strange things to a person, and grief stranger still. can't touch that thought either - can't think about natalie, lifeless and terrified, finally on the brink of climbing out of whatever fucked-up hole she was in -

" i'm fucking scared, tai. " it comes out all in a rush, the most truthful thing she's said to any of them all day, and she wishes right away that she could take it back, but it's out. it's there in the air between them, chasing down possibilities. she feels like she's stuck in a plane at fifteen-thousand feet, plummeting inexorably to the ground. no airbags, this time.

[serenheist]

What Taehyung is like in a relationship/ Taehyung as a boyfriend Tarot reading

How long does it take him to get into a relationship? & Does he prefer long or short term relationships 8 of cups, queen of swords, 10 of pentacles 9 of pentacles reversed, 4 of cups

Ffs the queen of swords always pops up. Anyway yeah I don’t see him getting into anything quickly. He could’ve in the past but I think past relationships left him drained af and feeling alienated. I think he has a shit ton of walls up and is a lot more no nonsense now. It’s probably intimidating and more blunt to others because he wants to get to the heart of why someone is trying to get with him since so many people try to pull the same shit and fuck around with him like he’s dumb. He does not settle for anything other than what he wants. If he can’t find “the one” then he legit just rather be alone. It looks like he’s now more focused on building a Legacy though and something serious and long term so he has no desire to just jump into something with anyone. He basically would wait it out and get to know them long before deciding he trusts them enough and feels comfortable enough to show his emotions and not be so aloof.

I feel like he’d be the type to not show much interest at first because he really needs to scope the person out. So the person probably wouldn’t even know he actually likes them. Actually he could be a little too jaded and bored to the point of turning away everyone even though he does want a relationship. But in his mind there’s too many people being carbon copies and trying to swindle him for his money bruh for real all of bts are having this problem like damn it keeps reoccurring. Idk why it seems like there’s people also trying to use money to get with him like they’re rich and they think he’ll just want someone loaded. Like dude he’s already rich so that doesn’t work and to him them having a ton of money means Jack shit when they have the personality of a damn rock.

Past & present love life 10 of swords, 2 of pentacles present: the hermit, 5 of wands

Past love life: welp. Do I really need to explain the 10 of swords. I think actually that he had all this past trauma and shit from relationships and even other shit he still hasn’t dealt with but there was no time to even process that because he had to get back to work and act like he was fine. I think he’s the type of person that buries himself in his career when he experiences traumatic stuff that he doesn’t want to deal with. And of course it’s easier when you’re busy 24/7 anyway. This relationship betrayed him in every way tbh but maybe it was a catalyst for better things to come though he still might not see this right now. Present: I don’t see him in a relationship now currently cause the hermit but also being a major arcana it’s like he’s really in a life stage right now where he just wants to be alone because there’s so much conflict going on and he’s feeling anxious and having all these negative pessimistic thoughts that he just needs time to himself. I don’t think he very optimistic about his love life right now he’s lost a lot of hope. Things are too chaotic elsewhere to focus on romance.

What is he like in a relationship? the chariot, ace of cup, Unicorn, fae 61, solus 13, vanth, the sun reversed, anger and chains 29, justice, 2 of swords reversed, 3 of cups reversed, avenoir 1, princess of pentacles,ta’om the poet 29, ace of swords, Thanatos

What is he like in a relationship? When he’s in a relationship he really puts all his focus on that person and will go above and beyond for them. There’s a kind of masculine and feminine balance in him in the sense that he’s ready to be the go getter and take charge but there’s also a vulnerable energy and overflowing emotions. He works hard to take care of his person and make the relationship work . The only downside is he could possibly be too smothering to his partner or come on too strongly because of past shit and maybe too clingy for some people since in a relationship he really shows his softer side and he’s not as aloof as he is to others. He loves to have little house parties with his partner and have friends and family over with a ton of food and music.

For date ideas he’s down for anything but especially something “magical” maybe literally some place like Disneyland or pagan festival like beltane? That’s specific af but there’s a medieval type of energy and nature spirits and shit, he wants to do stuff he hasn’t done before and that might even be outside his comfort zone since G. Hobyah card is all about imaginary fears and getting past them. The best qualities he has in a relationship is the ability to help his partner stand on their own 2 feet but also recognizes that you can’t do everything on your own so he’s the type of person who would go above and beyond and connect you to the right people or situations. He’s always there when his partner really needs them and will make sure to put time aside.

His worst quality is that I don’t think he knows how to express his anger in a healthy way. I think with the sun reversed next to anger and chains it’s more like he doesn’t know how to fully show it it’s kinda repressed but his emotions under the exterior are a hot mess and there’s a big need for stability. It’s like being too stubborn to admit when you mess up and petty shit cause it hurts his ego. But I don’t think it’s super bad considering the justice card I used to represent his communication style. I feel that even if he gets mad af he gets over things really quickly and one minute he’s be angry and 10 minutes later he’ll be asking you what you want for dinner like wtf.

When he likes someone he’s not going to jump in and immediately go approach them. I see him instead watching them intently from afar lol he’s very cautious and like gathering everything he can on that person. Dude’s a 1st class stalker. Jk But the thing is the person wont even know he is interested in them because he keeps a serious face as a kind of mask but on the inside he’s like a giddy kid. Ta’om is known for looking serious and thoughtful but is actually very playful and slightly mischievous. I think Taehyung is definitely one to start off as friends and slowly get to know someone rather than just start dating because he really wants to know that person well to see how real they are and if they’re just putting up a front.

He’s not attracted to new shiny things that are perfect he’s able to see the beauty in all things even in difficulty. After he’s been friends with them for awhile and knows if that person like him back, that’s when he’d actually make a move. He finds a lot of satisfaction in doing services for others until they’re completed so it makes me think his love language (giving) is acts of service but with the ace of swords is pretty obvious his Receiving love language is words of affirmation but moreso he appreciates when someone is blunt and honest and not just saying stuff to make him feel better cause then it’s just insincere.

What is his ideal type? the ageless, the star, the singer of healing 10, el shaddai, protection 26, ram, the maestro, fae 41, the sage 19, king of cups reversed, himself 17, danu, death reversed, obsession

His type: this person seems to have had some messed up stuff happen to them in their past. Even when others were horrible to them they still kept their dignity and chose to still give to others instead of give in to bitterness and despair. It’s like the Phoenix where no matter how many times they metaphorically die, they can still rise up even better than before. I think they’re able to help heal others because they’ve been through the trauma themselves but they know how to be honest and blunt without being overly mean about it. They have a kid of tough exterior though I think from years of negativity from people that’s made them strong but also a little distant from people and they need a lot of time to themselves to recharge and get away from peoples bs. Honestly this seems a lot like Taehyung too lol I think he wants someone who’s been through similar traumas.

The ram keeps calling out to me that I think this persons way of showing love is a little aggressive but that’s what Taehyung likes in someone tbh. It’s not like actually showing love it’s hard to explain. It’s more so you know when someone tries to act like sarcastic and shit to hide the fact that they like someone? Idk why it reminds me of toph from avatar the last airbender where she just punches people to show affection it’s kinda like that. Cause they’re not good at being really vulnerable. They put on this brave face and are pretty good at it to the point where you won’t notice that they’re jealous seeing you hang out with someone else. But this person is really independent like I’m not joking lmao and a go getter they don’t rely on anyone really. And don’t give a fuck who you are.

There’s 2 healing cards and honestly why is this person so similar to Taehyung lol this person is great at helping or healing others but again has to realize it’s okay to also get help for yourself. They think maybe that they’re fine on their own and they don’t like relying on others for help because people disappoint you and it’s easier to just do it yourself. But they’re really good at giving advice and are lot nicer than their exterior let’s on. Bruh the star card makes my mind keep playing that I’m gonna be a star song by twice lmao stop. I think this person actually is a star or is working up to it cause they have huge plans. This isn’t someone just wanting a mundane job I think they’re gonna go big.

Especially paired with the ram talking about they go for big dreams and huge successes. This person won’t stop until they accomplish their dreams they really don’t care what others say and will go to the extremes to get there. I see they have a lot of talents anyway but some people were like saying negative shit that their dreams are impossible but they’re learning to set boundaries with other people and it’s more of a just move in silence energy. Also usually I don’t say zodiac signs but since it’s a major arcana it might play some significance but Aquarius might be prominent in their chart (nvm I just remembered Taehyung has venus in Aquarius so duh you dumbass it wouldn’t be that out there to think he’d be drawn to Aquarius qualities).

I wonder if this person is into astrology though given all the glyphs. I think this is someone Taehyung has been trying to manifest and call in too like wishing on a star for a looooong time and maybe thought it wouldn’t come but boy does the universe have a surprise for you. They really are future oriented thinkers and know a lot about spirituality I think that a big part of who they are I really don’t think they’d be completely atheist or not care about spiritual topics. They give a lot without much thought in return and can talk about anything with openness and honesty. With Taehyung they’d teach him everything under the sun. He likes when he can share all this knowledge especially about weirder topics with someone who isn’t going to dismiss him. I see them really encouraging him to try new things and show him things he never knew were possible. They treat him like he finally belongs somewhere in the world.

This shit is kinda spooky because both the maestro guy and illbe the retriever are holding orbs/a little white ball close to them and they speak of the same thing. This person really protects Taehyungs hopes and dreams. Also they themselves obviously represent a dream that Taehyung thought was long gone and impossible. I think it can be taken literally too lol to mean that when Taehyung is being forgetful af. This person is that type of person who has your keys already when you think you lost them. They’re really the more responsible one in the relationship lmao helping him to be more organized and get his life together. The next set of cards I used to represent what his biggest turn ons are. This isn’t in a sexual way though lmao I meant the qualities he likes the most in his ideal type. Already I noticed how all the cards are facing straight ahead and looking right at you so it makes me think this person has some intense ass eye contact and looks intimidating and they got a rbf.

With the king of cups reversed I don’t think they’re actually these heartless cold bitches and that Taehyung is turned on by that because the sage card is upright and talks about the same shit but this is a person definitely who looks colder but is actually kind on the inside. He kinda likes people who look cold like that but are actually sweethearts. This person is not one of those super lovey-dovey people or uses pet names and babytalk like “my sweet baby Taehyung” whatever I think they find it very cringe. They have some trauma from when they were kids where they felt as if they aren’t allowed to act very emotional because people will think they’re weak and take advantage of them (this is just their beliefs about themselves) they instead act very macho or tough again lol like Toph from ATLA idk why I keep thinking of her but there’s like a kinda tomboy energy but they’re really not heartless they just need the right person to feel comfortable around and need to work on opening up emotionally.

There’s so much masculine and yang energy but then at the end you see this motherhood figure so it again really makes me think it’s a front and this person is so nurturing and that’s what really draw Taehyung to them. He loves the most that this person knows so much about the most random things and esoteric topics. They value tradition and stability but they also understand the need for growth and change they’re the perfect balance. Communication is really a big thing for Taehyung it’s a reoccurring theme in this. Someone who is very good at communicating and are action oriented. They say what they mean and mean what they say. It’s very important that they are their own unique individual self and have their own goals and skills and hobbies.

This person is probably a powerful manifester too and sets their intentions and goes after them. They have so much power and confidence also with the himself card they could be a dancer or love dance since he’s a dancer faerie they’re very much into creative shit. They seem very natural and not the type who got work done or wears too much makeup idk there’s like a wild energy lol like this bitch is from the damn forest. If someone attacked Taehyung this person would literally drop kick someone even if the person was bigger than them. Danu card is always protective and nurturing but ferocious if you mess with their person. Like “idc what you do to me but if you touch my guy I’ll end you”.

Now onto what Taehyung’s biggest turn offs in general are: death reversed and obsessed card lol oh god bro I am fucking done. His biggest turn off is when someone makes him the center of their universe. I mean this in the extreme way like “omg you’re my one and only we’re meant to be I think about you 5000 times a day and have an entire closet with all your pictures and I document your entire life” 👀 and he’s like uhh can you get a damn hobby? (That doesn’t involve me) Cause imagine someone’s entire life revolves around you. It’s sweet at first I guess? Lmaoo then it’s just creepy and like they have no life or personality without you. Death reversed is like something is plaguing you and following you around, pestering and annoying you. He must’ve experienced this shit irl lmao if it’s this strong with a major arcana to come up as a turn off. Cause major arcana are big ass life lessons. Like they thought he wouldn’t know they were secretly obsessed with his ass and used other people like his friends to get closer to him but I’m telling you Taehyungs intuition is something else and he always knows when people are some obsessed crazies. This is exactly why he’s so cautious now because of bs like that he can’t trust anyone. Like please stop acting like Jodi Arias and have some self respect.

[timelesslords]

it’s just around the corner darling (‘cause it lives in me)

8-year-old Annabeth is supposed to be sleeping. Instead, she overhears a few things she probably shouldn't.

***

Aka I get very in my feels about pre-TLT found family and baby Annabeth

“She’s a little kid, of course she’s fuckin’ slow.”

Thalia’s words seemed to turn Annabeth’s blood to ice.

She was supposed to be sleeping, and she almost had been before Grover and Thalia had started yelling at each other outside the door of the safe house they’d just barely made it too.

Well, until Thalia had started yelling at Grover, because Grover didn’t really yell, and he definitely didn’t yell at Thalia, who he always seemed particularly nervous and twitchy around.

All thoughts of sleeping were immediately banished as panic seized Annabeth instead.

Read on AO3

She kept herself as still as possible, eyes shut like she was sleeping. She heard Luke shift, maybe looking over his shoulder.

Annabeth wished she could see his face. Did he think she was slow too? Did Grover want to leave her behind? Luke would never let that happen, Annabeth knew that much, but she couldn’t help the guilt from washing over her anyway. Luke had had to carry her the last few miles tonight because her legs just wouldn’t work anymore, not matter how hard she tried to push them. That had only happened a few times ever, Annabeth made sure of it, but she knew they were trying to go fast now, and they were walking and running more than they ever had before. Luke hadn’t been mad, just scooped her up when he saw her stumbling. But they had gone slower after that, and it was her fault.

Annabeth felt her eyes prickle with tears, and she blinked them into her makeshift pillow. Crying was stupid, and it wasnt going to make her faster. She willed herself to stop before anyone could hear— Luke thought she was asleep, and she didn’t want to admit that she wasn’t.

Thalia and Grover were talking again, but their voices were just barely too quiet for her to make out the words. Thalia sounded mad, and Grover was talking fast, like he was trying to get the words out before Thalia yelled at him again. Annabeth picked up Grover saying “please” a few times, and then Thalia saying “no” very forcefully. They argued for another minute, Annabeth’s heart beating in nervous anticipation for each word.

“Don’t bring it up again,” Thalia snapped, loud enough for Annabeth to hear, and then she heard the door of the safe house being pulled back, and soft footsteps walking inside.

“Is she asleep?” Thalia asked, her voice barely above a whisper. It was a sharp contrast from the tone she’d been using outside with Grover. Luke must have nodded, because Thalia sighed, and Annabeth heard her sitting down.

“What was that all about?” Luke asked. Annabeth could hear the forced casual tone he was putting on. If Annabeth had heard part of the conversation then Luke must have too, but he seemed like he wanted Thalia herself to tell him. Thalia made a displeased noise.

“Grover wants me and him to go ahead. Without you two,” she said, lowering her voice even more than she had when she first entered the safe house. Despite how quiet they were, Annabeth could still practically feel the distaste in her words. Annabeth could feel her heart speeding up uncomfortably. Was Thalia going to leave them behind? But she didn’t sound happy about it at all, and that calmed Annabeth’s nerves a little.

“What did you say?” Luke asked. The forced tone was gone, replaced by irritation, Annabeth thought. It was harder to tell without being able to see his expression, but Annabeth could imagine the frown on his face pretty well.

“I told him where he could stick his furry little hooves,” Thalia muttered bitterly. Annabeth didn’t quite understand what that meant, but judging from the way Luke snorted it was probably kind of rude.

“Bet he liked that,” Luke said, sarcastically.

“Whatever. He’s the reason we’re behind anyway,” Thalia said.

She sounded angry. Annabeth knew that shouldn’t make her feel good. Thalia being mad never tended to end well, regardless of where her anger was directed. But Annabeth couldn’t help but feel a rush of relief anyway. If Thalia was angry at Grover’s suggestion then that meant wasn’t leaving.

At the same time, her words filled Annabeth with dread. They were behind, and that was bad, and Annabeth was slowing them down. Even Thalia had said so.

“Why did he want to split up at all? Isn’t three fighters better than one?” Luke asked. The forced casualness was back, and Annabeth didn’t like it, but she couldn’t help but feel a little burst of pride that he’d counted her as one of the fighters in the group.

Thalia sighed again, and Annabeth heard a scraping noise. A second later the heat from the campfire flared.

“He said it would be faster,” Thalia said finally, reluctantly, “And that it might be safer for you two to not have me around.”

“That’s bullshit,” Luke said, angrily.

“I… I don’t know. Maybe.”

“What, you think you’re special?” Luke said, though now his tone was laced with amusement.

“Well apparently I smell extra tasty,” Thalia replied, only a hint sarcastic. Luke laughed, low and quiet.

“I don’t think it matters,” he said, “Annie had monsters crawling all over her all by herself.”

Annabeth had to actively repress a shudder at the thought. She couldn’t move, couldn’t let them figure out she was awake— they would stop talking about adult things and she would miss it.

“That’s true,” Thalia said, though she didn’t sound entirely convinced.

“You’re not thinking about it, are you?”

“Of course I’m not,” Thalia said, sounding offended that Luke had even asked, “I’m pissed he even brought it up, especially after Annabeth was the one to save all our asses from that cyclops. He kept saying she’s slowing us down but we’d all be dead without her.”

Annabeth felt the same mixture of dread and pride as before. She was useful enough to not leave behind. Even if she was slow, and thinking of the cyclops cave made her want to cry.

“Asshole. He’s the one slowing us down, not knowing where the fuck he’s going,” Luke muttered darkly.

“I almost feel bad for the guy,” Thalia sighed. Annabeth heard more scraping and felt the fire flare again. “I mean he’s a kid just like us.”

“A kid who’s going to get us all killed if we’re not careful.”

Thalia hummed in agreement, and they were quiet for a minute. Annabeth didn’t really know what to think. She liked Grover— he was funny and he let her touch his hooves and he taught her how to play hacky sack— but she could tell that Luke didn’t and Thalia was starting not to. And Grover apparently didn’t like her. Or he thought she was slow, at least— but that made Thalia and Luke mad, even if they thought it was true. It was all very confusing, but she thought Luke and Thalia were on her side, at least.

“Is it weird I like watching her sleep?” Thalia asked, finally. With a start Annabeth realized they were talking about her. She tried extra hard to keep her breathing even.

“Why, ‘cause she’s not chattering your ear off?” Luke teased. Annabeth heard a soft thump and Luke’s laughter, and knew Thalia had probably punched him in the arm.

“I’d have her chat my ear off any day than have her be quiet like she’s been,” Thalia said. Luke didn’t reply. The only sound in the room was the crackling of the campfire. Annabeth could feel both their eyes on her, and she forced herself to keep looking asleep.

“I think the whole cyclops thing really freaked her out,” Thalia sighed, when Luke hadn’t spoken for a minute.

“Of course it freaked her out, she watched us all almost get eaten,” he snapped, his voice angry. Annabeth’s stomach turned. She tried to keep her expression smooth, even though she could practically smell the cyclops’ lair again. She resisted the urge to wrinkle her nose, or better yet, open her eyes and confirm that she wasn’t back there again. Their voices weren’t good enough to do that anymore, not after the monster had stolen them. She repressed another shudder.

“Well that’s why we have to get to this camp thing, right? So she doesn’t have to see shit like that anymore.”

Thalia sounded calm, not mad, but when Luke spoke again he still sounded angry.

“Bit late for that,” he said, voice quiet and bitter, and Thalia sighed again.

“Better late than never.”

Luke didn’t say anything.

Annabeth felt nerves swoop through her stomach. Did Luke not want to go to camp? He’d made it sound nice when he’d told her about it, but now he just sounded mad. Thalia wanted to, and that was a comforting thought for a minute until Annabeth remembered that Grover had wanted to split them up. But Thalia had also said she wasn’t leaving, and she’d sounded sure about that. Everything was so confusing, and Annabeth didn’t know how to figure it out. It didn’t help that her brain felt dizzy from being tired.

It took a while for either of them to talk again, to the point where Annabeth had almost drifted off to sleep for real. When Thalia spoke again her voice was quiet, so much so that Annabeth almost thought she dreamed it.

“She looks relaxed. Like a normal kid on a camping trip or something. That’s why I like watching her sleep.”

Luke sighed, heavy and deep.

“You should get some too,” he said, not really acknowledging Thalia’s words.

“You need to rest too,” Thalia said, lightly, “Grover’s keeping watch.”

Luke snorted again at that, but it was much less humorous this time. Thalia didn’t seem amused, anyway.

“Come on. You’re exhausted.”

“I’ll wake you up in a few hours and we can switch,” Luke said. Thalia made an annoyed noise, but didn’t say anything else. Annabeth felt someone lie down next to her, felt light fingers adjust the jacket she was using as a blanket so it covered her arms more fully.

Annabeth didn’t want to sleep. She knew there would be nightmares waiting for her the second she slipped out of consciousness, and she didn’t want to see them again.

But they would be walking a lot tomorrow, and she couldn’t walk if she was tired. And if she couldn’t walk then she would slow them down even more than she already was.

So instead of resisting it anymore, she let the exhaustion wash over her, pulling her into bad dreams. It would be okay in the morning. Her family would be there when she woke up, and she wasn’t going to let them down.