#they just love to commit psychological warfare on this guy i-

[imjustavenuxwithaboomerang]

absolutely bonkers how the b-plot of the new girl, is basically just milton going 'if you lie, you're a monster and to teach you that, we will beat you senseless' and then later going 'if you tell the truth, you're a monster and to teach you that, we will make you think the world is going to shit and that i'm dead' to jerry

and i, the viewer, am just supposed to support that, maybe even applaud it...make it make sense

[thewingedwolf]

one goofy ass thing i like about my job is we all really like having staff feedback after programs (like after in service, after summer reading, etc) because it just makes it easier to make it actually helpful and easier next time around and that’s all we want right, like PERSONALLY i don’t want to be anxious about a program and dreading it all year, which means i get to do what i Love which is offer my opinion constructively so i can be like “i think some people just don’t understand paylocity, it is a little confusing & for them, going through that app is this scary time sink so they don’t open it ever.” and no one is taking it personally because five other people wrote in “beanstack scares me” and “i’m not using teams” and we can just adjust our expectations of our older coworkers instead of writing people up for it akskd.

[athenasdaydreams]

HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS 🥂✨🍸💫 - day 0 - pt 2

pairing: rafe cameron x fem!reader

synopsis: as ALLURE magazine's 'how-to' girl, you've been tasked to write your most ambitious piece yet: how to lose a guy in 10 days. but VANGUARD's rafe cameron has been given a mission to make a girl fall in love with him in 10 days, to get the brand deal of a lifetime. all's fair in love and... journalism?

a/n: i have 4 essays, 3 problem sets, 5 practice papers, and a partridge in a pear tree as my homework but i still decided to write this instead. also i dont know what dating culture is like so this may sound a bit weird.

masterlist | series masterlist | character intro | day 1

Saint's smells like cedarwood and ambition. It’s the kind of bar where drinks come in coupes and everyone pretends not to notice each other while noticing everything. You slide into the velvet stool next to your best friend and exhale like you’ve just finished running a marathon.

“You made it,” she says, already halfway through something sparkly and expensive. “You look like you sprinted through an existential crisis.”

“I did.” You drop your bag onto the counter. “I’m on deadline and my boss basically assigned me psychological warfare dressed up as a column.”

“Martini?” the bartender asks, like he already knows the answer.

“Dirty. Extra olives. Make it regret-proof.”

Your friend waits a beat, then raises her brows. “So? Is it the piece?”

You nod, face solemn. “The how to lose a guy in 10 days assignment.”

She gasps dramatically. “No. No. You’re joking.”

“I wish.” You take a long sip of your drink. “Ten days. One man. I make him fall for me, then torpedo the whole thing on purpose and write about it for Allure’s ‘How-To’ column.”

“And this is supposed to be empowering?”

“It’s supposed to be ‘career-defining,’” you say, complete with air quotes. “Honestly, I think it’s just sadistic.”

“You’re gonna be a legend.” She clinks her glass against yours. “So? Who’s the target?”

“Someone who deserves it.” You scan the bar, only half-looking. “Someone cocky. Overconfident. Probably calls women ‘sweetheart.’ The kind of man who thinks he’s God’s gift and hasn’t cried since 2009.”

Your friend goes very still. Then: “Okay… don’t scream… but star-pattern dress karma just hit.”

You follow her gaze and nearly choke on your drink.

He’s at the far end of the bar, all sharp lines and expensive tailoring. Dark hair, tan skin, annoyingly good posture. He laughs at something his friend says, low and lazy, like he knows people are watching. And when he lifts his glass, he glances your way.

Your eyes meet.

And then—he smirks.

“Oh no,” you whisper.

“Oh yes,” your friend grins. “He’s the one.”

“He looks like he’s in a fragrance commercial. I’m not choosing someone who probably owns velvet loafers and says ‘ciao’ unironically.”

“But think of the column.”

You sigh. Long, suffering. Then knock back the rest of your martini like it’s a dare.

“For journalism,” you mutter, standing up and smoothing your dress.

Your friend raises her glass in salute. “For chaos.”

You make your way across the bar, heels echoing like punctuation marks, the silver stars stitched along your dress catching every low light. You don’t know his name.

But you’re about to make him unforgettable.

-

“…so then she tells me her dog’s an Aries, and I’m like, ‘That explains the commitment issues.’”

Rafe smirks faintly, amused but distracted. There’s a shift in the air—something quieter, sharper. He glances toward the entrance, instinct pulling before reason.

That’s when he sees you.

Black dress, stars stitched into the fabric like constellations carved just for you. You don’t glide in—you stride, like you own the damn room but don’t need it to know. He can’t hear what you’re saying, but he watches the way you laugh, tuck your hair behind your ear, slide into the barstool like it’s muscle memory.

And God, you’re beautiful. Not just hot—captivating. Like a dare he hasn’t figured out how to lose yet.

Topper’s still talking, but Rafe’s attention is locked in.

Then you look over.

For a second—half a heartbeat—your eyes meet his. And that’s all it takes.

He smirks. Just a little. Testing. Curious.

You don’t look away immediately. And when you finally do, it’s with this barely-there smile that knocks the breath from his chest like a sucker punch.

“Well, shit,” he mutters.

Topper pauses. “What?”

Rafe sets down his glass, eyes still locked on you. “I think I just found the one.”

Topper snorts. “You mean the one for tonight?”

“No,” Rafe says, slow and thoughtful, already half gone. “The one that's getting me that promotion.”

He watches as you rise from your seat, the silver stars on your dress catching the low light like they’re winking at him.

You’re walking toward him now. Straight line. Intentional.

His fingers tighten around the glass.

Let the games begin.

-

"Hi," you say, like you didn't spend ten minutes rehearsing it in your head.

"Hi," he echoes. "I was just about to head out. Unless you’re here to stop me."

You tilt your head. "Would that work?"

He grins. “Depends. Are you planning on ruining my night or improving it?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

He offers his hand. “Rafe Cameron.”

You shake it. “Cute.”

He blinks. “Thank you.”

“I meant your name.”

His smile grows. “Thank you two times.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Unattached?”

“For the moment.”

You nod. “Surprising.”

He leans closer, conspiratorial. “Psycho?”

You pretend to think. “Rarely.”

“Interested?”

“Perhaps.”

“Hungry?”

“Starving.”

He sets his glass down. “Leaving.”

“Now?”

He smirks. “Mm-hmm.”

You glance at your friend, who gives you the world’s most obvious wink. “I’ll meet you at the door.”

You don’t even look back. This is the job.

Across the bar, Rafe watches you go with something like awe. Then he grabs his coat and follows, completely unaware that he’s just become your next headline.

The helmet doesn’t suit you. It’s matte black and bulky, completely at odds with the soft curls falling over your shoulders and the sparkle in your eyes. But Rafe grins anyway, because something about the contrast makes him feel like he’s winning at life.

“This won’t look goofy on me,” you declare, adjusting the strap.

He leans back, mock-serious. “It looks goofy on everyone.”

You shoot him a look.

“…But pretty damn cute on you,” he adds, and it comes out warmer than he intended. It startles him a little—that softness.

You don’t respond. Just smirk as you slide onto the back of his Vespa and wrap your arms around him.

The ride is reckless, wind-swept, stupidly romantic. Your chin rests lightly on his shoulder, and Rafe tells himself it’s just the game. Just charm. Just part of the plan. But when he hears you laugh—genuine, breathless—something stirs. Dangerous.

The trattoria is candlelit, tucked into a rooftop like a secret. The kind of place that makes you feel like you’ve slipped out of real life and into something cinematic. You’re glowing under the gold lights, heels dangling beneath the table, eyes dancing as you taste the wine.

“So,” Rafe asks, elbow on the table, chin in his hand, “what do you think?”

You don’t ask what he means. You let the question hang, then answer slowly.

“The food? Delicious.”

He grins. “And me?”

You raise a brow, feigning boredom. “Still deciding.”

But your voice wavers, just slightly.

He notices. And something in his chest shifts.

“Anything I can do to help?” he teases.

You set down your fork. “You could answer a few questions.”

“‘Few’ sounds suspiciously vague.”

“Fine. Three.”

He leans forward, mirroring you. “Let’s hear ‘em.”

You tap a finger against your wineglass. “What do you do?”

“Editor at Vanguard. Gear, watches, bourbon... right now we’re chasing a partnership with Castelli Roma.”

Your expression flickers—recognition? You file that away.

He goes on, “They want a man who understands romance. Authentic love. Which, naturally, led them to me.”

You snort into your glass. “So you’re saving the world, one overpriced cologne ad at a time?”

He smiles. “Someone has to.”

You toy with the stem of your glass. “I’m a columnist. Allure. The How-To column.”

He tilts his head. “So… you tell women what to do?”

“I prefer ‘I tell women what not to settle for.’”

He holds your gaze. “Fair enough.”

You hesitate—because you hadn’t meant to feel… seen. But something in the way he’s looking at you feels personal. You swallow it.

“Last question.” You pause. “True or false: all’s fair in love and war.”

He doesn’t answer right away. He watches you.

Then, “True.”

You nod, lifting your glass. “Good answer.”

He clinks his against yours. “Good question.”

But there’s a flicker in both your eyes. Because you can both feel it. This was supposed to be a game. So why does it already feel like something more?

-

“Welcome.”

You step into his loft and—damn. It's cleaner than expected. Industrial ceilings, weathered wood floors, art books stacked carelessly by the fireplace. Masculine, but curated. Like him.

“Nice place,” you murmur, fingers grazing the edge of a velvet armchair.

“Thank you,” he says, closing the door behind you. “Very... tidy,” you add, mostly to fill the silence. He shoots you a look over his shoulder—playful, knowing. He knows exactly what you’re doing.

“Beer?” he offers, already heading to the kitchen.

“Sure.”

You wander toward the stairs, spotting the carefully framed black-and-white photo of the Outer Banks above his record player. There’s a tension coiling in your stomach—not just from nerves, but from how easy this feels.

“Restroom?” you ask.

“Up the stairs, through the bedroom.”

You freeze for half a beat at the mention of bedroom. The word carries too much weight right now. But you smile. “Thanks.”

When you come back down, he’s put on Al Green. Let’s Stay Together hums softly through the speakers. The lights are low. He’s lit that stupid candle again.

You try not to read too much into it.

He hands you your beer, his fingers brushing yours for a second too long. You thank him. But your throat’s dry.

The music plays. And something shifts in the air—thickens. The game should be fun. This should be easy.

So why does your pulse skip?

Maybe it’s the music. Maybe it’s the soft light flickering against the lines of his jaw. Maybe it’s the way his eyes have gone softer, darker, like he’s seeing through all the act and straight into you.

You take a sip of your beer, but your hands feel warm. He takes a slow step toward you, and your breath catches.

“Hey,” he murmurs. “There’s something about you…”

And before you can brace for it, his hand slides gently along your jaw, tilting your face up. His fingers are rough, calloused — surf-boy hands on a man who cleans up too well. His gaze drops to your mouth.

You’re not supposed to want this.

But then he leans in.

Not rushed. Not cocky. Just… intentional. And every alarm bell in your brain starts screaming in elegant chaos because holy hell, Rafe Cameron kisses like he means it, like he knows your secrets already.

Your heart slams against your ribs as his lips almost brush yours—

You laugh. Nervously. Like a bubble rising up to break the tension. “Hey, let’s not go too fast, okay?”

He pauses—so close you can feel his breath. You expect him to be smug, but instead, he backs up. A beat. Another.

His hands drop to his sides.

“Yeah,” he says softly, voice like low thunder. “You’re right. Too fast.”

There’s a beat of silence.

“I just…” you start, then stop. You weren’t supposed to care about respect. Not in this. But here you are.

“I want you to respect me.”

His jaw tenses, then softens. “I do.”

“And I want your respect,” you add, quieter now.

His voice is gentler this time. “I respect you… for respecting me.”

And you both laugh a little because that line is so stupidly sincere it circles back to sweet. You walk to his door.

There’s a pause. A loaded one. The kind of silence that says everything you’re not ready to admit.

“Goodnight, Allure girl,” he murmurs, leaning on the doorframe, watching you walk towards the elevator. You wave him goodbye with your most sincere face, as if you were already missing him.

The elevator doors close.

"Oh, you’re already falling in love with me." he thinks as he turns back into his house.

“I’m going to make you wish you were dead,” you mutter as you step out of the building, already plotting for tomorrow.

-

wc: 2k tags: @my-name-is-baby @verycherryblossomhideout @lunaleah @ayy1234567 @lewispool

[murderandjambalaya]

Stick figure hcs!!!

It’s been a while since I got on tumblr and I STILL haven't posted, like, anything about my hcs (except for old writing from before I switched accts & devices but SHUSH WE’RE NOT LOOKING AT THOSE), so here’s some stick-focused world building stuff (mostly the hollowheads)!

rambles. Very much rambles. Only some coherent rambles. This is your only warning.

WTF IS A GENDER

Most sticks are closer to drawings or computer programs than humans, and their perception of gender reflects this! A few sticks across the outernet might take on more traditionally human genders, but most sticks see gender and pronouns as a fluid extension of their personality and self-expression. How attached a stick is to their gender varies from each individual to the next. That being said, most stick figure “genders” are more like pronouns (or lack of them) + flavors. My flavor hcs for the sticks (or at least the ones I have a clear idea of) are: (EDIT - this was supposed to be gender flavors and it slowly flew away from that but it’s long enough that I don’t want to delete it. I am so sorry.)

Red- uses she/he, cat videos, brainrot, bright blue artificial dye, time-out corner, three yo-yos at once

Orange- uses xe/xem, Yippee, Power of Friendship, orange juice mixed with caffeine in a Monster Energy can, loaf of bread, Take On Me music video but make it cosmic horror

Yellow- uses she/they, raccoon covered in car grease holding a wrench, ridiculously thick goggles+gloves, tism, curious. A bit too curious. Why are you googling “how to get away with arson.”

Green- uses he/him, disaster bi, theater kid (only derogatory during the influencer arc), WHAT’S UP DEMONS, it’s ME, yaoiYA BOI, Siren by Kailee Morgue

Blue- uses all prns, witchcore, “my farmer gf- or as I like to call her, my crop top,” if their eyes open yk you’re fucked, LET HIM COOOKKKK, rhubarb & lemon, Willow from ToH, 🫵rehab

Ourple- uses he/they, moth, capitalism, product is dairy free (father has not returned with the milk yet), “hello, Zuko here,” you’re literally broke how do you have so many suits, anxiety, Cavetown, flower crowns, psychological warfare, “DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE A PLASTIC BAG*ugly sobbing*”, birb. Birb is love. Birb is life. grisp the birb.

Chosen- uses he/him (anything but ‘it’), Shadow the Hedgehog, Falling in Reverse, Transcendental Cha Cha by Tom Cardy but make it the seven stages of grief, Sobbing on the Ground, *pac man noises*, traumacore, Alan gave me depression bc he knew otherwise I would beat him in hand-to-hand combat at 14, eats pizza crust-first, coffee as dark and bitter as my soul, cornered stray dog, 🇺🇸F🇺🇸R🇺🇸E🇺🇸E🇺🇸D🇺🇸O🇺🇸M🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸🍔🍔🍔🍔🍟🍟🍔🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸

Dark- uses he/they (‘it’ when the mission code is in control), Murder, “spider-man, spider-man, does whatever a- OH NO NOT THE CHILDREN,” the crackling sound of a circuit board being broken in half and emitting sparks, ✨extra✨, shoplifting from Hot Topic on a Thursday, I’m Gonna Kill Santa Clause by Danny Gonzalez, masculine but like in a peacock way, knife pronounced “kuh-NIFF-eey”, chaos, the Sillies (aka bloodlust so strong I could commit a felony. Perhaps even multiple felonies.)

Vic- uses she/her (annoying local qpr always wearing the same gender), a woman politician???!!/pos, I’ve been near you for five whole minutes when are you going to murder me already, wet cat, tears, fluffy blankets, bones, space, I miss my wife, Tails. I miss her a lot.

MT- uses he/him, musty crusty Old Man, *eyebrows widen in surprise*, Flashbacks to The War, beefing with literal children, Dad Jokes, dust, depression

Agent- no time to Gender, never beating the loyal dog allegations, lost all whimsy in The Great Fire of 1941, “I just wanna be part of your SYMPHONYYYY,” ink, crunchy, fucked-up lil guy/w bg explosions for dramatic effect, IM SMITH SHADY YES IM THE REAL SHADY ALL YOU OTHER SMITH SHADIES ARE JUST IMITATING SO WONT THE REAL SMITH SHADY PLEASE STAND UP PLEASE STAND UP PLEASE STAND UP

Mitsi- uses she/her, Girlboss, actually the woman ever, paint, daffodils, ashes, earl grey tea, :3 “friend-shaped”

Gold- uses all prns, ash baby, space but it’s a liquid that will suck you into it, LET ME OUT, crayons, cotton, sunlight, glitter, sand, Minecraft end poem

Corndog guy- money, corndogs, repressed godhood, Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan

Did any of that make any sense? Admittedly, no. Am I saying that if you bit into Red, you would taste artificial blue dye and cat videos? Yes. Absolutely. For added fun, read these like Ao3 tags.

WTF ARE THE HOLLOWHEADS

In my hcs, the hollowheads are not siblings *coughcoughchodarkpropaganda*. However, Vic and Cho are practically twins. Why? A hollowhead’s physical appearance (since I usually draw them like Fleshy Human People) is mostly determined by their creator’s intentions when creating them. Alan can only see them in stick form, so their appearance being shaped by his intentions is kinda like how ppl have hcs of their ocs that are still a part of them even though they’re only in the creator’s head and haven’t been drawn yet. Vic and Cho are so similar bc they’re only in we’re both drawn as punching bags, even though Cho was a challenge and Vic was a training dummy. Sec didn’t actually have a comprehensible mortal form until xey found RGBY (just picture an Eldridge Horror exploring Alanspc when TSC was first introduced) bc Alan created xem without any intent to make xem alive or any idea of what xey’d be for who xey’d be, so TSC is Art. Literally. Xey embody art itself. That’s why xeir whole green glowy power is so effective, it’s not meant to be an offensive measure, but a large part of the outernet IS art, so xey have a very wide range of control (or xey would have, if it was what xe wanted when xe realized it. Xey find more purpose and joy in just existing with xeir friends. Xey connect and create. It’s xeir whole thing).

A hollowhead’s appearance is also heavily shaped by the attachments they make, most notably their secondary colors. Their second color reflects the deepest attachment they make. When a hollowhead is first created, before they make any attachments, their second color is clear. The hollowheads’ pupil/irises being different colors would also make them blind until they form an attachment (light passes through clear stuff instead of being absorbed by it), and by that logic, even while attached, most hollowheads are some form of colorblind. Vic has never not been blind while Dark is the only hollowhead with Rainbow Premium™️. Second’s secondary color is Green, Chosen’s is red, Dark’s is black, and Vic’s was white but faded mostly back to clear with hints of silver (after Misti’s death, Vic kinda self-isolated and got addicted to the VR memory tech). Attachments forming appearances is also the reason why Sec is the only one with a cursor ahoogie. Vic has a large, cursor-shaped scar on their back. It fades while Mitsi helps her heal, but starts growing again once she starts blaming the cursor for Mitsi’s death. Sometimes, during her really bad flashbacks, her old cursor scars will start to show up on her skin, even though she has a new body with no scars each time she’s drawn. Chosen still has all his cursor scars. They function like normal scars. During his terrorist years, Cho also gained a “halo” after seeing the one on the Angel of Death poster. With each attack, he’d gain a few small, jagged, triangular red arrows floating around his head. Dark thought they looked cool, but Chosen would sometimes feel like they were poking him. Cho would gain more arrows per attack as the destruction went on, having an overcrowded full-on halo by the time he stopped killing sticks. It hurts a lot, these days. Sometimes, when the sunlight hits it just right, the halo flashed purple. Although his other powers remained unaffected, Chosen’s fire started to burn a little redder after escaping the PC. After the Showdown, it sometimes burns his hands. Just a little, not so much that he can’t use it anymore. It just hurts when he does. The same thing happened with Dark’s fireballs. They got darker as time went on. Dark only has a few scars. The star-shaped one on his neck only gets deeper. When under the mission code’s influence, Dark’s secondary color reverts to clear and the whites of their eyes go black. With the virabands on, Dark’s pupil/irises turn red. During the Showdown, they had red pupils and black eyes. The virabands also project six small screens in front of their face which look like eyes with the same coloration. These projections act as a targeting system for the virabots, give quick stats on how many are functional, track the location of the other band if only one is being worn, and look really fucking cool (according to Dark).

OK THAT’S PROBABLY ENOUGH FOR ONE POST, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!

[auspicioustidings]

Brain rotting in concepts rn cause i wanted to continue “Committed to the bit-“ and in the process i thought of such a fun concept that i just had to share-

Briefly in the “mandatory Dungeon’s and Dragons” oneshot (which btw- such a good fic one of my fav’s after going through like ur whole blog lol) You brought up TF 141 in paintball. And i’ve just had such a fun idea.

Consdier: Reader who is corralled into going to paintball with their shitty friends, who are only really going with the intent of ganaging up on reader. They go in an uneven number tho- (cause they were all gonna be on one team and have reader by themselves-) When the workers there are like- “Oh well- there is another group here.” Dunno why the 141 would be there, maybe another situation like the DnD one-shot where they’re being forced. And so, poor sweet reader who clearly was expecting this to be a liebe experience, gets to have the joy of 141 seeing them and deciding “yeah, you’re pretty and your friends are assholes- you need more ppl for a proper team? Cool, we’ll be on yours.”

Just image the pure shenanigans of it all, reader getting some well earned revenge and the whole debacle ends up them them losing their friends- but gaining (1)4(1) more <3

I kid you not I have had 'Airsoft AU - you keep beating military men at airsoft and they are going to lose it' sitting in my phone notes since September :') Just one of those concepts that I love to think about but cannot write.

I prefer having the reader be their bitter rival because wtf why is this civilian rocking out shit? This is so humiliating oh my God Kate WHY DID YOU TELL FARAH WE LOST TO A CIVVIE TEAM STOP IT WE ARE NEVER LIVING THIS DOWN :( Only way of redeeming themselves is obviously to ruin your winning streak in any way they can.

It would be really fun to then have your take on it follow that, when they already view you as their arch-nemesis they show up on a surprise visit thinking if they can take you off guard with a game they might have an advantage (that's just psychological warfare bby, totally legit, it is not CHEATING Farah shut up). And you are sad? And getting ganged up on by the people you have been carrying any time you are played against them? Like you are the one that is beating them really, the team has always just been benefitting from taking orders from you.

Absolutely not? Are they fuck going to let anyone beat you that isn't them. So even though you are so embarrassed at first when you see them because your most fun games have been against these guys and the banter is always so good and oh my God they're about to find out that you are tragically uncool, they immediately are joking around with you and offering to take you on their team.

"Aye, come tae our team and we'll show ye how the professionals dae it." "Wild thing to say when you've never beaten me but sure thing Suds." "My real name is John. Johnny if it's you. It's nice tae actually meet ye bonnie."

[hostilemuppet]

So, backstory. I (39M) married my husband (29M) a few years ago (I was 36, he was 26). We got together after a passionate night of lovemaking in a motel room after meeting in a gay bar. I realised the next day that the handsome stranger was actually the guy who had made multiple attempts on one of my brothers (28M, then 24) life (dont ask why hes not in prison, money can accomplish anything) and figured out pretty quickly that he was using me to make my brother miserable. Now since he was playing with my heart, I thought that at least I should have my own fun, yknow? So I started messing with him a little, encouraging PDA that he wasn't really that interested in (were both pretty high profile so public image was important to him, and also im not sure if he even liked boys?), "influencing" him to buy me things I didnt need. I'm not a monster, I was just fucking with him a little for funsies.

Anyway eventually I asked if he actually loved me etc etc so he bought us cruise tickets and the proposal was beautiful and the ceremony even more so. He moved in and I let him bring very few of his belongings (hes a hippie). Soon we had twins (0F, 0M) (he stayed home while I worked (my job is not important)) and life was great. Soon the cat got let out the bag and he found out that I knew that he was trying to use me for my brother (who was also in on the situation). He said something about divorce so I threatened to tell everyone every little detail, even that /thing/ he likes. What followed was 8 more months of constant psychological warfare and the best sex I've ever had, until the unthinkable happened.

We actually started to fall for each other. Now I'm not proud, what with the twins and all, but I instantly filed for divorce (i am also a child of divorce, okay, I've got commitment issues and it made it too real, weve all got flaws). He got full custody and I got to return to my bachelor lifestyle. And it. was. MISERABLE. I missed him so much. I missed pissing him off. I missed when he'd get mad and put dairy milk in my coffee to make me sick. I missed the way every time we woke up hed say "morning, my bitch husband who I hate" and id call him sweetie and kiss him on the cheek as he stewed in rage. I even missed the kids!

A couple years (and several rehab admissions, mostly mine) later we ran into each other at some charity event that I don't even remember what was for. I asked him how the twins were doing. He said they were good. He said I was looking well. I returned the compliment. We both had some wine. Next thing I knew, it was morning and we were married again. Now, I know what you're thinking, but he said he missed me too, and yeah he's the only partner I've ever had that's lasted longer than 2 months so maybe I don't have the best history but I really think we can make it work this time!

Tl;dr: AITA for turning my little brothers mortal enemy gay?

Edit: stop asking who I am, none of you know who I am, I am anonymous, that is the point duh

Edit 2: i am not Floyd [lastname]-[lastname2]

Edit 3: I mean it, I am not Floyd. I dont care if the ages and timelines match up

Edit 4: just bc my husband is a hippie doesn't mean he's the only hippie you guys know of

Edit 5: a lot of celebrities have fraternal twins

Edit 6: fuck you guys

[neurotonic]

Do you have any sort of hypothetical 'bad end' for any of your OCs? A future for them that leads to tragedy, despite their attempts? Not that it needs to be 'bad' morally mind you. Mamba is a villain, so their bad end would probably spell good for the Agency, and et cetera

It's definitely not something I think about a lot, nope! But this did make me think about the possible bad endings these characters could get.

Discussion of death and a brief mention of depression under the cut

Death is an easy answer, but I couldn't think of anything else worse than death for Mina and Starling. Mina's death would especially domino into a bigger political problem due to her already high-profile status and family connections, which is something she'd been trying to avoid all this time. If there's one thing she hates, it's getting other people involved in problems she made. To involve the bigger world into this, with her last act (dying) is definitely. the worst !

Starling dying early would prevent him from achieving his dreams of being a hero. To die in vain is an even bigger salt to the wound, because his death wouldn't even be considered helpful. This one is Still in the works, and I'm trying to decide whether Starling does die early on in the story.

Marshall's would be somewhat connected to these two. She's been working her ass off to prevent any more unnecessary deaths in the field after seeing the horrors of being viewed like a tool instead of a person. If she failed to save anyone in this story, she'd be devastated beyond belief. I think she'd just quit and fall into a deep depression. She could still stand up, but it will take a lot of time for her to really make peace with the fact that she failed.

Dr. Schaden is a bit more interesting...His bad end would be becoming a supervillain exactly like Dr. Zor. It feels a little odd, since Schaden wanted to be a world-renowned supervillain, so why not follow the footsteps of a master? My main thing with him is that he's a villain-to-be with morals. He has standards. He loves the villain industry but it could be a little better if the boss knew how to appreciate their henchmen. Dr. Zor is someone he...doesn't end up looking up to, and in fact he's using their techniques as guidelines of not what to do. I like the idea that he's genuinely a pretty nice guy, but he has all the ability to manipulate and lie and commit psychological warfare to anyone if he wanted to. He's knowledgeable in that field, but he chooses not to. If he lost what he valued the most...that's no longer Schaden.

Mamba's a bit simpler. I think not getting any closure with Phoenix would be the worst case scenario for her. It's already tearing her up from the inside out. Ironically, if she does kill Phoenix without talking about...Everything, she has effectively doomed herself into an unsatisfying existence. she'll never get the answers she actually wanted to hear from them. To continue living instead of dying feels a little more tragic, because then she doesn't even get the relief of not thinking about it anymore when she dies.

[cinderellaenjoyer]

Yet another brilliant story idea from Me. Basically it's LPS Popular meets The Ballad of Sara Berry with a lot of other campy and thriller teen stuff thrown in

The blonde girl is Lily Floren, the Most Popular Girl at Wayven High School. The other girl is Katie Delmore, the new girl at the school. These two were best friends until Lily moved during Freshman year. And let's just say it's not a happy reunion when her and Katie meet again.

This post Katie's revenge-makeover. After realising Lily wants nothing to do with her, Katie swears revenge and decides to give herself a complete makeover. She's aiming to take Lily's place as the most Popular Girl in school. What starts out as a rivarly quickly spirals, things get bad and a lot of people get hurt.

This is Molly Hollow. While Lily and Katie are busy trying to Commit Physical and Psychological Warfare on each other, Molly's in the background. She's a sweet girl, a little weird and nerdy, but she slowly starts making friends. She ironically ends up becoming pretty popular by just, well, being herself and just genuinley a really kind and caring person.

Anyways I really love these guys already so please feel free to ask me more about them!!!

[lichfucker]

[image description: a series of gifs of Flint from Black Sails, each overlaid with various screenshots of tags.

1: a close-up of Flint in Eleanor's office, tilting his head and raising one eyebrow bitchily. tags:

i Love his silly moustache the CUNT

save me pointy ends of james flint's moustache. save me

i love his evil twirly mustache so much. perfect for kissing other men with

gay villain mustache <3

i love his gayass mustache. we should have known from day one really

mustache curled. eyes full of schemes. HIS GAY ASS

2: while chasing the Andromache, Flint stepping out on the edge of the ship, dramatically back-lit, his coat billowing around him. tags:

mustache greased to hell eyebrows brushed and laid leather pants glued on. israel hands should've killed himself in embarrassment honestly

his swag. i need to steal it

this was so lgbt of him

girl I saw your little waxed tips on ur mustache I saw your Chanel boots

dudebros were like omg i cant believe he was gay. rly? yall couldnt?? you saw that slutty waist and twirly mustache and cunty attitude? and yall didnt think he craved men carnally??? its incredible

3: Flint looking pensively out a window, stroking his chin. tags:

he's a 10 but he commits war crimes and ruthlessly does away with even those who trusted him if it benefits his cause

thats CAPTAIN cunt to you

he was spittin. he was always spittin i fear

this man has so many problems <3

the audience just learned about your tragic gay past and you're serving????

4: a close-up of Flint laughing. tags:

hair: greasy. smile: threatening. hairline: deep. beard: cunty.

hes smiling so i can only assume hes filled with a murderous unquenchable rage

he wld rip stede bonnet limb from limb

local deranged captain takes a break from being evil to let out his one and only full laugh in 38 episodes

5: a close-up of Flint in the "it must be awful being you" scene, looking vulnerable. tags:

you need your fav character to be morally correct? is it not enough for him to look soooo so sad when he's drunk and also kill ppl with his bare hands??????

he was fucking crazy but he was free!

SAD MAN SAD MAN SAD MAN

how can a man be this sad and this hot at the same time?

he has that sadness in his eyes that you only see in eastern european gay porn

6: Flint breathing heavily, looking debauched, with blood smeared around his nose and mouth. tags:

my darling my princess my murderous wife

i wish i could write WHORE on his mirror

covered in blood and filled with gay rage

yes sweetie!! gay rage attack!!!!!!

at the end of the day. he's just a guy who got properly laid a couple of times and it made him a virulent anarchist

7: a wide shot of Flint on Skeleton Island, standing still while Silver points a gun at him. tags:

i think they should get lobotomies together i don't think it would help but i do think it would be interesting

it would have been healthier if they had just fucked each other to death

and most importantly there is GAY SEX in the dark!!!!!!!

fellas is it gay to be free in the dark with someone

i miss flint so bad. baby come back & do psychological warfare on your best friend more

hahahhaha. noooo dont turn against each other even though that has been the key to your downfall all along you're so sexy aha

8: Flint strutting up the beach for his meeting with Woodes Rogers. tags:

He's so cunty waauughhhhh

observe the way his pussy pops

cunttt!!

FLINT! YOUR PUSSY IS TOO POWERFUL!!

serving cunt day in day out

homosexuality! it is present in my mind when i see this man

the cunt on this man..... immaculate

the cunt this served? inimitable.

end id]

james flint + tags i've seen on my black sails gifsets

[kosi-annec]

[HAIKYUU!!] Season 3 episode 9

Why's yachi just waiting outside? C'mon yall let her in too

Ooh flashback to the training camp arc back *checks google* season 2!? Goddamn, I don't think i remember much from then lmao

"he looks so calm" uhh kiyoko those eyes don't speak 'calm' to me, kinda looks like he's contemplating revenge hskshsk

Back to present, WHERE CAVALRY HAS ARRIVED!!

LMAO god this bg karasuno fan trio is great, those guys probs become like sports friends after this

Everyone's so shocked that tsuki basically demanding to be put back in lol, this is probably the closest to begging we'll ever see him

Aww HSKHSKS that lil interaction between hinata n tsuki

Oh another bald guy? Why is that hairstyle so common in the haikyuu universe??

HHHH COME ONE CROWS KEEP IT UP! YES NICE ONE KAGE, Bought enough time for our shield to get back in!

Honestly kazuhito did really well for someone who's not played with this much high stakes before, he was able to keep his cool for almost the entire time

Karasuno's bout to make a comeback this round now that tsuki's here!

DON'T FUCK THIS UP ASAHI, YA GOTTA GET A POINT W THIS SERVE! Agh, that's fine just don't let it drop- oh SHIT TSUKI ARE U GOOD???

"... that he was just a lengthy apathetic nerd" i mean, that assessment is still kinda correct oikawa LMAO

YASS TSUKI YOU'RE DOING SO GOOD!! Omg he called noya "nishi" HE USED A NICKNAME! OMG HE TRICKED TENDO!! HIT IT TANAKA- LETZ GO MATCH POINT!!!

Mmm yeah, that's wat makes karasuno a dangerous team. They're not like the big leagues who stick to a kind of play style. Due to the new-ness of Karasuno, they're willing to adapt and try any new tricks if it means they become a stronger team. "The reckless crows" ngl that sounds kinda cool for a title

"..can you please stop calling me that?!" "Sure, how's you're a piece of shit then?" "FINE, PIECE OF CRAP" omg it's this scene HSKHKS

Oh shit yeah, those 3 have been the main guys that do the synchronized attack, god that must hurt their legs..

"..you meant that like while you were still useful right?" SHEESH SHIRABU, but yeah he has a point, he can't always be tossing to ushi

FINAL STRETCH, COME ONE KARASUNO GET THIS POINT

AAAaa fuck, it was out. Shit, ushi's up- OMG IT WAS ALSO OUT

From wat i understood from tadashi's mentor (idk his name), being able to commit to big risky plays like is more for psychological warfare if anything

hhhh everytime tsuki uses his hand i cringe for him. COME ON HINATA ONE TOUCH THIS! FUCK- they jumped too soon

They're tied again... ONE OF YOU JUST WIN ALREADY, PREFERABLY KARASUNO

OK crows got another point, now don't fuck this up kage. SHEESH that serving animation tho, with that camera turn? Smooth af

CHANCE BALL GET IT GUYS, SCORE THAT POINT!! FUCK- HINATA NO NOT AGAIN, that looked too similar to when karasuno lost to seijo before, when hinata got blocked

uh oh, yeah they got a point but I don't think tanaka can hold on any longer

Huh?? OH fuck even HINATA is getting exhausted, he couldn't even jump. This is bad...

aaAAA NO NO NO- omg GOOD SAVE NOYA! holy sHIT HE DID IT AGAIN!? GET DOUBLE RECEIVED BITCH, THAT'S OUR GUARDIAN!!

19-20 come on crows, just one more point

hhh you sure coach?? I'd rather not put any more strain on tsuki's hand... aH PFT- KAGE JUST YEETED HINATA LMAO

Ok ok, serious time. AAAA COME ON STOP EM TSUKI! Ah, flashback. I do love seeing tsuki interacting with the big guys in nekoma and fukurodani

ONE TOUCH GUYS COME ON, END IT!! One last synch atk, GET IT HINATA

wha- A FUCKING CLIFFHANGER!?! oh hell nah

[submarinerwrites]

i think the people who idolize harvey suits are the funniest people ever. they think hes living the dream. ive watched a grand total of two episodes of that show and i can tell that mans life is terrible. he has no friends that dont work for him. his love life is miserable because he spends all his time working. he has to wear uncomfortable outfits constantly (also due to working). hes engaged in psychological warfare with a coworker who just wants to be his friend. and hes committing criminal fraud in order to hang out with the only guy in manhattan who hates him.

[betweenlands]

Ok ill bite whats dominion smp?

BOY AM I GLAD YOU ASKED

dominion smp, which some members call DSMP for what's probably seo reasons but i find intensely hilarious because it's technically not wrong to abbreviate it like that, is a small lightly modded server based around the origins mod! basically, each member has a different origin, and in much the same way empires members are loosely the ruler of their respective countries, you can sort of consider each dominion member to be kind of a paragon of their respective origin.

thing is, while dominion is defined in part by its relation to the origins mod, there is also a lot of plot stuff that happens that is only tangentially related to the fact that everyone is creatures -- you've got people beefing over stolen goods, everyone sort of vying for power in a vacuum while trying to not seem obvious about it, taxes of "give me all of your diamonds every two weeks i am no longer asking nicely", and also. whatever the hell is going on with shadowmech.

oh yeah also literally like 75% of these ccs have 2000+ day hardcore worlds so the builds are insane.

here's a masterpost on everyone's povs! it doesn't have their Vibes down rn but i can do that really briefly (EDIT LOL NO IT'S NOT BRIEF THIS IS GOING UNDER A CUT):

starting members:

jamiejoan/jammers, dragonborn: elected queen of the server during s1. has a corruption arc, as one does. not many s1 episodes, but (without spoiling anything) her pov for s2 is unique and worth checking out

grady, enderian: doesn't have many episodes and is mainly a streamer. his character is half wet cat and half "guy that makes that's what she said jokes", but somehow in a different direction from scar?

legundo, piglin: champion of the piglins, sent to the overworld by his people for. well for takeover purposes probably. this mostly involves doing capitalism and having trusting-distrustful dynamics with the besties. actually the main server admin but this never comes up incharacter.

fixxitt, inchling: starts off as a thief, escalates WILDLY until by episode 5 welsknight is telling him "you fucked up, buddy" and then he builds a gigantic house. has 2 musical numbers in the middle of episodes that will absolutely knock you out if you're not prepared. also has very good cinematics.

nukeri, elytrian: democracy lover and guy who really, really just wants everyone to get along. canonically descended from icarus; all my friends have emotions about him and i haven't watched him yet but he's a major blorbo-in-law. i'd make a joke about how he's the resident gay scot of the server since they couldn't get smajor, but he literally does have a voice cameo from scott in his s1 finale.

rnjoy, witch: loves doing mad science, committing tax fraud, and has a mushroom son in s2 now. not a lot of s1 episodes but she loves her ravager gertrude i know that much. currently being hunted by --

shadowmech, witherborn: hitman of the server who is only withered rn because he ate a really bad porkchop. no episodes currently, he's in the process of doing a supercut of all his s1 stuff. is also in the process of uh. being very possessed and possibly being the s2 arc baddie rn. it's. fiiiiine. he's just not speaking to anyone and also attacking them during blood moons! totally chill

sneve, blazeborn: like if keralis was oli orionsound but with less musical numbers. sneve is an experience that cannot be described. just. watch his episodes there's only like 3 of them it'll tell you everything and nothing you need to know

taneesha, goat: lover of domes and also psychological warfare. started an advancement race probably as an excuse to steal people's shit. not a lot of s1 episodes but has some plot stuff anyway since she kind of got invited to join jamie's. void cult. yeaaaahhhh.

started midway thru s1:

vikingpilot, phantom: SOMETHING IS SO VERY WRONG WITH HIM. sweet ghostboy who is also incredibly unhinged. canonically dead and was also intangible and invisible for the beginning half of s1 up until the dragon fight. does dark magic, or is at least planning to do dark magic. pluralcoded and you can fight me on this. honestly my top pick for "if you only get one pov"

started at the beginning of s2:

progamebot/josh, sporeling: one video so far! joy's mushroom son. helping her make potions out of a van in the desert atm, which is. actually a breaking bad reference, not a reference to that other dsmp. canonically like a week old at the most. doing pretty well considering this.

kiply, fairy: no episodes yet, but uh. i've been watching her other stuff on and off and something is seriously wrong with her in the best way possible. plays on i think at least 2 different lifesteal-type smps? she is unhinged. she is not a reliable narrator. i love her.

dalilred (wolf) and itsryan (iron golem) also REALLY recently joined so i haven't gotten a pin on their vibes yet. red seems like she has a little bit of a cottagecore aesthetic and ryan seems to be kind of closer to sneve on the shitposter end of the mcyter spectrum, but that's all i've got

[obstinaterixatrix]

I think charming the duke of the north and your eternal lies fit very well in the villainess classification. while cdn’s fl is an actress and Not Actually A Villainess she’s actively putting on a front and isn’t in like… a victimhood framing. white lotus framing. she’s just some guy. and I like how… ok a lot of wannabe villainess series kind of go for this empty shallow Epic Girlboss Clapback kinda vibe where everything an fl does is justified and clever and elegant. whereas the fl in cdn can really sell manipulating the situation and being ruthless. I think what I like is the performance of it. The theatricality of it. The Commitment. all for an audience of one. look at this ok I’m gonna walk you through it

rinha gets served essentially rotten food when alone and goes full Malicious Compliance with it

the maid gets For Real Edible food made & Rinha takes the opportunity to pull this

It is COMPLETELY unnecessary. in the wannabe villainess series you get the sense that the fl is pushed to the brink, or that she Has No Choice, but rinha could’ve very easily resolved this without going the psychological warfare route. I love this. I didn’t have a specific example for yel but fl there also has just some guy energy and while she definitely would not be doing All Of This if she didn’t have to, she’s just so good at going to extremes. woman who tricks a guy into feeding here something she’s deathly allergic to and internally goes “HEH… [spitting blood] ALL ACCORDING TO PLAN.” And It Was

[nekropsii]

Sov characters you wouldn't mind being your roommate vs sov characters you could not be paid to share a room with

Oh, this is a fun question!! I’ll divide these up by their respective casts, just to make things a little easier, both for me, and you, the reader! I’ll even include reasons why!

Content Warning: Long.

(NOTE: I’m not going to include everyone, because there’s some people I’m a little on the fence about, or have more neutral opinions on.)

PLAYERS

WOULDN’T MIND BEING MY ROOMMATE:

CYNTIN: He would make me gayer somehow.

TEJURI: Though she’d probably be expensive as hell to live with due to her Voidrot, and the menagerie of ways in which it manifests, she’s genuinely peak Nerdy Southern Best Friend. I can’t help but think I’d get along just so well with her. She’s not even Friend-Shaped. She’s Best Friend-Shaped.

RETRIS: Despite his everything, he’s pretty chill! We’d probably get along! Also he makes, like, so much fucking money, so it’d definitely be a comfortable arrangement. He’s a very, very good friend, too, and very caring.

AJAX: Cool dude, seems genuinely fun to be around. Movie nights will be a blast. I will have to force him to pay for the holes he punches in the walls at random, though.

PLEOME: He can be a little overbearing, even if he means well, but is otherwise just some regular guy. I’d go positively bonkers watching him do tech restoration.

COULDN’T PAY ME TO SHARE A SPACE WITH THEM:

DYNAMA: I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry. I love them so much, but… They’d proselytize at me and I’d just start swinging. They mean well, but they’re severely Christian, and very much so grew up in a tiny town. I could be friends with them, but I could never commit to living with them.

PRESAE: She would call my oven a “weird mechanical kangaroo” and then disassemble it for parts.

EMERIC: She has turned the kitchen into a meth lab. I’m becoming asthmatic from the fumes just thinking about it.

ANNOMI: I would not be able to stand a single iota of his personality. I love writing him, I personally find him fascinating because of the fucked up focus on the psychological, but I would not be able to deal with him in a physical space OR online. If he got some kind of obsession with me, I’d just kill him or something. I don’t know, dude.

PATRONS:

WOULDN’T MIND BEING MY ROOMMATE:

DAMARA: Surprised at this entry? Perhaps you’re forgetting Damara is actually very nice! The only reason she’s as mean and disconcerting as she is is because during most of what we see of her in canon, she’s talking to the Alpha Trolls, of whom most of which she has a massive grudge against. I’d be functionally immune to her penchant for Psychological Warfare. Also, she’s cool, and I’m supporting her journey into therapy.

RUFIOH: He would watch TikToks out loud and maybe have a few annoying opinions but otherwise would be a pretty ok roommate. Hard to keep settled down though, which isn’t an issue for me. He would barely ever be home.

PORRIM: Genuinely a very accepting person, but knows when and how to put her foot down, and get shit in order. Very good person. She’s incredibly offline to the point where it’s both hilarious and soul-healing. Ultimate grass-toucher. We love her. She knows Queer History + Theory that you couldn’t even imagine. She’d teach me Knitting. But most importantly, she’d have a Driver’s License.

ARANEA: We would be so fucking annoying if we shared a living space. We’d just fuel each other’s Stage 4 Autism. The essays would be severe in length, niche as hell, and possibly unhinged. She’s very well read, too, and knows what she’s talking about, so I trust her thoughts and opinions on things. It’d be exactly what she needs, and exactly what I need.

MEENAH: She is such a recluse that I would probably barely notice her being there. Pays her rent by leaving an envelope on the counter with a wine glass on top so I can’t miss it. It’s got “RENT, BITCH.” written on it in cursive with a hot pink glitter gel pen. Sometimes she barges into my room and starts bitching loudly about some random bullshit I’ve never heard of. She is so fun and charismatic that I would not mind. And also I love being nosy and hearing drama so I’m entertained regardless. 10/10.

COULDN’T PAY ME TO SHARE A SPACE WITH THEM:

KANKRI: No. (I love him, and he’s a very complex person who I’d love to discuss religion with, but I can’t tolerate his level and flavor of being terminally online. I’ve encountered people like him before. It is… Not pleasant. Granted, you can work him out of his behaviors, but it takes a very specific kind of person to have the patience and tolerance to do so, and I’m not one of them.)

CRONUS: Fuck no. (I would become even more mentally ill. His toxic behaviors are very much so fueled by specific things that are somewhat understandable and interesting, but that doesn’t mean anyone is obligated to tolerate him. I’m even more susceptible to his specific methods of abuse just because of things like Paranoia and Memory Loss, I don’t need to deal with that.)

KURLOZ:

KURLOZ: Kurloz.

NPCS:

WOULDN’T MIND BEING MY ROOMMATE:

OCHOSI: Very much so a case of an Extrovert adopting an Introvert. He might take me zip-lining or something like that, which isn’t at all my taste, but it’s fun and healthy to fill your life with new experiences, even if they’re not totally your thing. It’s enrichment. Also, I am a weak man sometimes, and Ochosi is kind of attractive. Sorry.

ATRISA: She is an extrovert and knows where all the gay bars are and this would make me normal.

COULDN’T PAY ME TO SHARE A SPACE WITH THEM:

MESERI: I would die.

KHANDA: I would die and he would think it’s funny that I died.

ARSINE: I would die.

DULVYX: He would die.

[stackthedeck]

If I'm remembering the right romcom spideytorch might be a good fit for your remix

God like it absolutely is! Hold on every go watch how to loose a guy in ten days or this going to make no sense. It’s so fun absolutely worth the watch btw

Peter as Andy, journalist that hates his job and is trying to be taken seriously but is relegated to writing fluff pieces. Johnny as Ben, the man’s man that can’t make a relationship last past the one night stand. For the sake of keeping the original plot and for daily bugle vibes Peter’s best friend characters are Betty and Eddie. Betty is crying about Ned leaving her cue the plot of the movie. Peter is accused of having everyone falling deeply in love with him instantly despite the glaring red flags and he’s gotta write the piece “how to loose a guy in ten days.” Because I still want super heroes involved here, Johnny is still on the fantastic four but he’s trying to get his acting career off the ground, he’s trying to get a part in a romcom but he’s the playboy of heroes what does he know of romance. The director and screenwriter take him out to a bar and challenge him to get with the cute nerd with glasses, real boy next door type, but get him to stay until the red carpet movie premiere so that they can prove Johnny is leading man material. Cue the plot of the movie!

I love that line in the movie where Ben is standing on the fire escape and says to himself “oh you’re falling in love with me already” and Andy looks up at him and says something like “I’m going to make you wish you were dead.” I cannot express enough that this movie is the opposite of taming of the shrew. Like that’s the vibe I want for the beginning of the fic! Johnny trying desperately to pull out all the stops for this cute but unassuming nerd that he’s fully aware he’s using and Peter actively committing psychological warfare. Andy in the movie does a lot of like clingy crazy girlfriend things but I don’t think that translates for dudes or for Peter so I think it’d be a lot of emotional unavailability, swinging out on dates (it’s only strictly necessary half the time), being weirdly mean and petty, etc. There’s this scene in the movie where Andy ruins Ben’s boys night but let’s be real Johnny doesn’t have enough friends for that what I think would be even funnier is if was like Peter trying to be himself and Spider-Man to ruin their weekly movie nights and like switching wildly between costumes. The dynamic flips after the couples therapy incident (if you’ve seen the movie you know what I’m talking about the way Ben flies down the fire escape just to beg her on his knees!) Peter gets to meet the rest of the fantastic family, they take a vacation to Glennville, and that’s the moment they fall in love for real. Johnny official invites Peter to the premier and it’s adorable and perfect and they’re having such a good time at the premier until Spider-Man bullshit. Peter tries to make an excuse, telling Johnny that the human torch should go take care of that. Johnny jury kisses him sweet and slow, telling him that Spider-Man can take care of it, he doesn’t want superhero stuff ruining their perfect night. Peter obviously has to leave for Spider-Man stuff and when Johnny notices Peter is gone he goes to help, maybe burning the supervillain a little more than necessary. Peter gets back to the premier as fast as possible but Johnny gets there first and blows up at him. The whole thing comes crumbling down around them, the challenge and the article, and they have the dramatic break up. Johnny reads Peter’s article later and realizes he still loves him, but it’s not enough because Peter is flaky and he can’t trust him but damn it Johnny still kinda loves the dork too. He calls Spider-Man to the Statue of Liberty to ask advice but it’s Peter there waiting for him. Big romcom confession moment! Peter tells Johnny he’s Spider-Man and that’s why he’s so flaky and he wants to fold all parts of his life into Johnny’s life. They kiss and all is forgiven roll credits

[hostilemuppet]

PART FOUR (snack pack edition)

smidge: poppys royal adviser who occasionally helps with audio mixing since we made poppy both a queen and a popstar who gives a shit anymore. initially not in the spotlight, she is caught by paparazzi sharing a stoutberry soda with poppy after the "breakup". she is thrilled by the immediate rumours of her being poppys rebound and she takes the opportunity to capitalise on the controversy. she starts constantly shittalking branch on twitter, but she makes sure to clear with him privately that its nothing personal, just business. she posts old photos (and some new ones, not that anyone realises) of branch and poppy with branchs face covered (rotates between vomiting emojis, thrown pies and splatted tomatoes). this situation, however, leads to "poppys dating a stan" rumours, which are pretty short lived as poppy makes a statement clarifying "me and smidge have been friends for years, ever since we hatched!" but nothing about whether they were actually dating. smidge tweets "😏".

barb (part 3): barb gets ratio'd for implying milton moss is a pedophile. "grown ass man fucking a minor-passing female". smidge says how shes older than barb, old enough to be her young aunt, so barb antis (barntis) dog on barb by telling her to "listen to auntie smidge, its bed time". barb mutes the tweet and never mentions smidge again but (with her likes hidden through twitter blue) starts liking tweets transvestigating smidge. barb relapses.

tangential: barb never deletes the tweets that get ratio'd, she keeps everything up, no matter how much riff used to beg her to take them down. a call my girl the playstation because shes almost 5 situation.

creek: creek orchestrated the "floyds sextape" debacle bc he thought tanking one of the members of brozones reputation would ruin the band and therefore branch (didnt work bc gay people (the majority of brozones fanbase) love drama). after hearing about floyd collabing with riff (also dead to creek) he decides its personal. he disguises himself as a regular joe at floyds favourite lowkey non celebrity normal person gay bar every night until he actually runs into him and by the time floyd realises hes creek its the next morning after they spent the night in a shitty motel with very high quality drugs, of both the recreational and performance enhancing varieties. what follows is convoluted death note psychological warfare where creek thinks he is manipulating floyd but really floyd is always 2 steps ahead of him doing the REAL manipulating and finds it really entertaining. occasionally the entire internet will convince itself (with floyds help) that creek is an abusive boyfriend, and creek antis (crantis) will write threads about how "floyd isnt really pro life, creek is grooming him" etc, and depending on how many lines floyd has snorted off creeks torso (big reveal) he will qrt with "i am 10 years older than him". bruce clay and branch know the truth, that floyd is fucking with creek, but they all agreed that jd wouldnt be able to stop himself from spilling the beans so they decided in their second family group chat (that jd is not a part of) to not tell him (floyd asks "can you guys pretend i feel anything for creek other than amusement and mild lust" and branch asks "was that last part really necessary"). jd thinks floyd is actually in love with creek and theyre gonna get married some day, which they probably will, but its a celebrity marriage so itll last a year, tops, and creek will get full custody of the twins (their names are brad and angelina) bc floyds too much of a player to be tied down with familial responsibilities (he doesnt want to cut down on his coke habit or address his lifelong commitment issues)

satin & chenille: set up by fans and detractors alike as the rival to Viva La Viva, satin and chenille host their own podcast, except instead of being focused solely on them or whoever is guesting, they focus on current events and politics. the Bedhead Scare podcast, tagline "hot bitches with hot takes", is a controversial (to put it mildly) talkshow (being very generous) where capitalising on controversy is the name of the game and brother, they play to win. they love the drama. they have done irreparable damage to the self image of younger millennial / older gen z pop trolls. they have their own makeup line and have probably pedalled diet pills, while bragging about their effortless figures (chenille gets liposuction regularly and satin lives by "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips"). they have a joint onlyfans which is probably really really weird but anyone who is criticising them is more focused on the snake oil theyve tied their names to or that time they had velvet (sans veneer) on for an episode.

cooper: never checks his qrts or notifs or mentions or indirects, absolutely nothing. he sees it on his timeline or not at all. king of accidental controversy. tweets "i dont see the problem with being pro ship" bc he thinks it means you like boats. prince d has to clarify what he actually means for him often and one day changes his dn to "cooper updates 🎶" as a joke but never ended up changing it back so he regularly gets confused for the actual update account. one day someone asks cooper what he thinks of creek and he answers "i dont watch south park". unbothered. moisturised. in his lane. cooper and hickory tied for winning the idgaf war

abortiongate 2024: soon before floyd and creeks divorce, creek gets his second egg (the twins were fraternal, both parents had an egg in their hair, trolls are weird) and wants to abort it. if youve been following along youll know that floyd is pro life and would never agree to it, so while hes (supposed to be) out creek takes a hammer to the egg, comically the exact second floyd walks back in. news somehow gets out to the public (their maids are being paid off by velvet to supply her with all the dirt they can muster) and before they know it the entirety of twitter is split into 4 stances: "its so sad the both of them lost a child" "i cant believe creek would kill that baby, it was just as much floyds egg as his" "creeks body his choice" and finally "are we forgetting that floyd is literally pro life". the majority are, surprisingly, on creeks side and its the first time he has the better reputation out of the two. floyd gets home drunk after drinking his feelings (and remaining a faithful husband) and creek is sprawled out on the sofa, eating his favourite ice cream, watching his favourite soap, wearing his favourite fluffy robe, loving life. creek says "oh hello love, i dont suppose youve checked twitter today?" and floyd flips him off. floyd drunkenly mourns his unborn baby (he wanted to name them shiloh) on twitter and gets qrtd with google image results for omelettes. people say "oh thats too far, thats not funny" but creek is liking them on main. rare victory for creek! just 300 more and theyll be approaching even

the diamonds: family vlog channel. guy exploits his baby infant son for internet microfame (the fact hes besties with the queen helps too). does a lot of crossfit. despite marketing himself as wholesome and spotless guy gets into controversy when he is caught soliciting a camgirl and the channel goes on "hiatus". guy makes a big show of how tiny diamond isnt allowed to use the internet but tiny runs a stan account (for trollex, if youre curious) and gets into a lot of fights where he pulls the neurodivergent minor card. speaking of, his carrd is an epileptics nightmare. guy gets cancelled (again) for agreeing with floyds pro life views (he posted "when someones getting cooked for a take you agree with" on priv which floyd has access to, and throwing someone under the bus to save your own skin runs in the family it seems). tiny consoles him and assures him that hes still the best daddy in the world, then goes to his room and posts his trollex fancams under the GUYISOVERPARTY hashtag for views. even though guy is trying to teach tiny his values, tiny has access to the internet and has looked into the issue enough to be confident he is pro choice. when guy finds out he sobs "WHERE DID I GO WRONG?" in autotune

biggie: has an account for mr dinkles where he acts as if its mr dinkles running it (with "cutesy" poor grammar and spelling) and for some reason or another he gets into mild drama that he makes SO much worse bc while addressing it he doesnt break character. mr dinkles is gay and homophobic

dj suki: decently popular until it comes to light she steals her sets from her child niece with minor adjustments (a basic kick drum loop + sample phrases recorded from her friends without permission). dj suki says it was bc "shes too young to deal with the spotlight, and this way her art still gets to be shown to the world!" conveniently leaving out how much money she gets out of it. its totally fine though, because sometimes dj will take cj to get fast food (her parents are vegans) and maybe, MAYBE, if a set does particularly well, shell give her some starbursts, and cj will say "i prefer chocolate, you know this" and dj will say "well, life aint fair, kid"

fleekgate 2027: several years after the divorce creek and floyd run into each other at a charity event for orphans. its a little awkward. they've both had some wine. they wake up the next morning married again. even though they're initially disgusted they both missed each other so much, they had become so unhealthily codependent on their fucked up looney tunes dynamic. they really think they're gonna make it work this time! fingers crossed 🤞

Brozone (and friends (and enemies)) twitter drama au

Collaborative between me and @squirrelpatties. Truly our magnum opus

Jd: previously a frequent twitter e-clown infamous for name searching and starting beef with people who insulted him. His fanbase thought it was hilarious in a "grandpa escaped the hospital" way. Eventually was forced to relinquish control of @/brojohndoryofficial to his pr manager (clay) after he responded to 14 y/o @/j0ndryballzweat.

Floyd (part 1): his sex tape (with a fan he didnt know was a fan but thats hardly relevant) gets leaked. For the first three days everyone's timeline was full of "do NOT share it around, dont even look for it, if someone sends it to you IGNORE it, this is a disgusting breach of privacy" until Floyd addresses it by tweeting "decided to put on a different kind of show for you guys" and all hell breaks loose. Every tweets hidden replies are full of screencaps and reuploads for a month. People edit the video so just before anything explicit happens it's replaced by a video game cutscene or meme, which Floyd retweets a lot of. His brothers ask him to stop (both for publicity and bc it makes them uncomfortable) so he starts posting thirst traps on insta. Clay yells at him so Floyd tweets "clay just asked when I'm gonna get a girlfriend :/" which brings us to-

Clay: homophobia allegations. Admittedly the least serious and would have blown over quickly if it weren't for him panic tweeting "I'm not homophobic! My girlfriend is a bi lesbian!" People were NOT happy. It takes him three days of retweeting 'helpful educational threads and carrds' on lesbianism written by 14 y/os for people to get off his back. Viva understands.

Bruce: stays off social media bc its the mind killer so he lets clay take care of @/brobruceofficial. This goes well until clay gets drunk and thinks he's on his private account but is actually on Bruce's public. When he wakes up (hungover) in the morning hes got Bruce banging on his door asking why TMZ is reporting on him cheating on his wife. Bruce tells him to clear things up but clay JUST got the lesbians off his back and can't afford to be back in the hotseat...

Branch and poppy: branch was annoyed by all the branch/poppy rpf fanfic (poppy likes them bc she thinks they're cute and funny. When brozone go on tour she reads the smutty ones) so he suggested to poppy that they stage a fake breakup. Poppy is initially against the idea until branch brings up how much fun itd be to sneak around like a couple of teenagers. Poppy scrapbooks the tabloids about their breakup. Clay and Bruce blame clays drunken tweets on branch so clay seems like the victim. Poppy acknowledges this on twitter in a way that very heavily implies they broke up bc branch was cheating on her with her own sister. Viva does not understand. This one doesn't have a resolution yet bc we moved onto:

Barb: previous lesbian icon turned reactionary transphobe. Riff stopped associating with her once she started getting really public with it and now she keeps tweeting stuff like "you-know-who left me just to work with misogynists. Really makes you think 🤔 " which he ignores.

Riff: while still working with barb he was approached to collab with creek (damage control for the... unsavoury things he said about rock trolls). The second the song released he tweeted "wow that guy was an asshole LOL" bc he didn't realise he wasn't supposed to do that. Cut contact with barb once her transphobia went from "mild, I can fix her" to "jesus fucking christ". Briefly worked with Floyd until his second controversy at which point riff tweeted "cmon, man" and turned off his phone. Riff hasn't done anything wrong and he deserves a lot better

Velvet: crafted the perfect expose thread on Floyd when she was in prison, including "pro life" "publicly sharing inappropriate sexual content" and "uses the toothpaste flag". Posts it the second she gets let out of prison and instantly becomes #1 on trending (alongside "floyd" "pro life" and "#HUGS4CLAY).

Floyd (part 2): tweets "why does it even matter that I'm pro life if I'm gay and don't 'believe' in 'voting'" before doing another line off his boyfriends torso. People bring his leaked nudes back up and start insulting his dick size and its the first time hes ever let a controversy bother him. His next tweet is "I am not ashamed of my body" and the top reply (creek pfp) is "you should be ❤". Clay is biting the skin off his own tongue.