#they invented love bye

[finncakes]

bro would if we were the moral compasses of our group and we kissed...(and we're both tanks)?

[solarmorrigan]

My love language is reading aloud to people from lists of random shit I've found on the internet

[sweetshire]

So, @silv-paru sent Sherlock Holmes for the character opinion bingo. thanks a bunch for this (and for your patience. my god, i’m answering this a week late. typical me behaviour). you’re a darling :D

Did you know, i used to tell these stories to my friends? they delighted in them AND i got a chance to sort of ramble on and on abt him and watson. it was a win-win, really. ah, those were the days! now i haven’t reblogged much of him this month at all. i miss him. I MISS HIM.

Onto the bingo: well. he’s The quintessence of gender™ to me. and i relate to him so so much. fav character of all time fr. i want to carry him in my pocket at all times & study him. like. do i want to BE him OR am i IN LOVE with him, ykwim? pssh who knows? certainly not me. uh-huh ‘a beast unleashed’ -does this refer to me or him? you choose. oh re: canon, i’m ignoring the part where holmes dies (or y’know, is dead for 3 years). that’s too angsty.

[muirneach]

kind of crazy how i see constant videos of euroleague crowds being really wild and they always have the caption “no wonder european players aren’t phased by the nba crowds” and i’m pretty sure the makers of these videos are just trying to show a funny video of a really extreme crowd but it’s weird it really reminds me of the really old nhl stereotype that they shouldn’t draft players from russia/europe because they were deemed ‘too soft’. i’m not saying these white boys are being discriminated against lol i’m just making comparisons. its a weird thing to say idk. frankly i don’t think jokic gaf if the crowds are loud

[just-call-mefr1es]

going insane in my small ass fandoms

[babyboybuckley]

Ok so I caved and started watching The Last Of Us and holy shit I have not cried watching media like this in ages... Long Long Time got me ok

[pyrrhiccomedy]

so judging by how astonished people are by it every time we explain it to anybody, it seems like my wife and I might really be onto something here

during the pandemic, we invented something we call "astronaut time."

when it's astronaut time, it's like we are two astronauts wearing the big helmets, moving around the station on totally separate tasks. one of us is outside the space station and one of us is inside the space station. our radios do not work and we have no way of communicating with each other. we might see each other through the lil porthole windows, but we ignore each other because we both have different things to do.

"astronaut time" is how we get total privacy when we live in the same apartment. I will pretend you don't exist. You will pretend I don't exist. we have a nonverbal, zero-contact signal for when astronaut time is over (usually "I'll draw a smiley-face on the whiteboard in the kitchen when I'm done"). No talking, stay out of each other's line of sight, we are actively avoiding each other, unless you are currently experiencing a medical emergency goodbye.

it has been. a godsend. imagine living with your partner and being able to close every single tab in your brain related to social interaction. no fear of being interrupted by a "hey, quick question--" or "sorry to bother you, but do you know where the scissors are?" or "did you want something to eat, too?" Once or twice a month, we look at each other lovingly, hold hands, and say "baby I think I need some astronaut time tonight," and the other person goes "okay cool. bye! have a nice night!" and nobody's feelings are hurt and we both go and have a lovely evening completely by ourselves.

like idk it's a small thing but it's made our lives so much nicer, so if you and your partner/roommate are both people who sometimes need total privacy in order to recharge, maybe try it

[gothneighbor]

Doing the course eval for the basics class: yeah it was fine. The physical projects kinda sucked. (Forgets to mention how making videos also sucked)

Doing the course eval for the history class: FUCKING LOVED IT. NO NOTES. 1000/10 CANT WAIT FOR NEXT SEMESTER IM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH

[deyaviews]

What’s the purpose of polls that go “what do you think the person you reblogged this from is like”? Like how tall they are, what elemental energy you associate with them, what chakras they have blocked, what animal you think they are like, etc.

Like they won’t see your votes on it, and some people will get reblogged a ton and others not at all, skewing the votes massively.

Sure, “just for funsies” but wouldn’t it make more sense to say “put it in the tags” rather than have a poll about it?

[hoodie-prince-kid-archived]

i think this is the first personified objects/concepts/whathaveyou anime ive watched that isnt problematic and is also super exciting and engaging and has l o r e and isnt flat-out parody

[angelofthenight01]

Truth Serum

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

genre: flufy  ||     warnings: none

It all started, as these things often do, with a seemingly straightforward mission. Infiltrate a HYDRA base, retrieve some stolen tech, don't get captured, the usual. You were pretty confident, you'd been training with the Avengers for a while now, holding your own, even earning a few nods of respect from Captain America himself. You weren't exactly a superhero, more of a very skilled and adaptable support member, but hey, it paid the bills and got you close to, well... certain people.

You remember the moment the serum hit you. It wasn't dramatic, no needles, no villainous laughter. Just a rogue vial – accidentally knocked off a table by a HYDRA goon who tripped over his own feet, a testament to their competence – and its contents splashed right onto your cheek. It didn't taste like anything, but a second later you could swear you felt your brain doing the cha-cha.

"Are you alright?" Tony's voice was crisp over the comms. You knew he was watching the feed from his suit.

“Peachy,” you said, your voice surprisingly calm, even as the world around you started to look a little too vibrant. “Just feeling a bit… honest.”

“Honest?” Steve’s voice now chimed in with that trademark wholesome concern. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, you know,” you found yourself saying, “like, if you asked me if I liked the way the light caught your hair this morning, I’d say yes, Steve, you’re like a walking, talking golden retriever of justice and your hair is always perfectly coiffed. Sorry, am I oversharing?”

A beat of silence followed, punctuated only by the sharp crackling of your boots on the steel floor of the HYDRA base.

"Uh, thanks?" Steve said hesitantly.

“And Tony,” you continued, unable to stop the runaway train of your mouth, “your sarcasm is a coping mechanism, and sometimes it's a little predictable, but you're actually really good at inventing things, even if you pretend to hate trying.”

You could hear Tony sputter in disbelief. Before he could recover, you spotted your quarry – the tech – in a nearby room. And then you saw her. Natasha Romanoff, a whirlwind of controlled fury and ballet-like movements, expertly disarming guards left and right. Everything suddenly seemed… brighter. And also terrifying. Because, of course, the truth serum also seemed to have activated your inner monologue on high volume.

"Oh, damn it," you muttered, your voice still broadcasting. "You're so cool, Natasha, your hair looks amazing, are those tactical boots because you can be both deadly and elegant and it's totally not fair. I also think... I think..." You clamped your mouth shut.

There was a sudden, sharp intake of breath over the comms. You could practically feel Natasha's gaze burning through the screen and directly into your soul.

"Alright," Natasha said, her voice silky smooth, but with a definite hint of something dangerous lurking beneath. "You’ve had your moment. Let's finish this."

And that’s when you realised that you had a very, very big problem. You had a mission to finish, sure, but you also had to not reveal your crush on the world's most deadly spy. You could picture it now, if you even let a hint touch your tongue, it would be all over the tower, Tony would create a song about it, and Clint would laugh and draw cartoons of you in love struck positions.

You moved with newfound urgency, grabbing the tech and bolting for the nearest exit.

“I’m just gonna, uh, take this and go now,” you announced, “Gotta avoid... uh... social interactions. Bye!”

You broke into a run, your boots thundering on the metal floor, the comms going silent as everyone processed what had just happened. You could hear footsteps behind you, and you didn't need to look back to know who was trying to catch up to you.

You burst out of the HYDRA base into the cold night air, not caring where you were going, just knowing you needed to get away from Natasha. You sprinted across the snowy landscape, your breath puffing in white clouds.

Then, you hit a patch of ice.

You went down, hard, landing in a comical heap with a muffled oof.

“Are you alright?” Steve’s concerned voice came over the comms, making you groan.

“No,” you whined. “I just busted my butt. Also, I think I need to be honest with you all about the way I prefer to put my butter on my toast, and it’s not the way you would imagine, it’s much more…”

You cut yourself off before you could launch into a detailed explanation of your highly unorthodox buttering techniques. You scramble to your feet, wincing.

“I think I need to go home now!” you shouted, then took off running again, stumbling over the uneven snow.

“Wait!” Natasha’s voice called out from behind you again. Closer this time.

“No!” you yelled back. “I can’t, if I’m not running away, I’ll probably tell you I think you’re amazing and all of the romantic feelings I have for you and then you’ll get weirded out and it’s just, a whole thing!”

You didn’t wait for a response, diving behind a large snowdrift. You could hear Natasha’s footsteps pause, a beat of silence followed, and then you heard a sigh.

You peeked over the top of the snow drift, and saw the figure that was Natasha, hands on hips, a look of fond exasperation on her face. It made your heart do a little flip of emotion.

"Okay, fine," Natasha called out, "I'll give you some space. But you're not getting out of this conversation without explaining all that 'buttering' talk later. And your feelings." She added the last bit in a soft voice.

You ducked back down, a blush creeping up your neck. You could hear laughter coming through the comms this time, Tony, Clint and Steve having a field day. You might have also heard Thor laughing way too loud, then suddenly a deep growl, and then silence.

You knew you couldn't hide forever. But for tonight, you decided, you'd take your chances with the arctic wind over the truth serum and the very attractive woman currently stalking you. 

For now, your escape was enough. You would deal with the awkward, heartfelt, and hopefully not too embarrassing aftermath tomorrow. But tonight? Tonight you are just a very honest person with a severe case of avoidance and a very big crush. And that’s something, right?

[insomniadreamzz]

Okay, you asked for freaky shit.

What about Jinx being totally in love and obsessed with fem. Reader secretly loves Jinx as well, but is dating Vi and feels a commitment to her.

Maybe one day Jinx sees Vi and fem kissing and she can’t take it anymore and loses her shit!

She goes back to her hideout and invents a serum that will make fem love her!

Ends with some rough smut 🤭

Idk if this is too dark and freaky 😅 but..…. ummm…… yeah bye

Oop I love dark and freaky stuff so here we go 👀

Jinx xFem!Reader plus little VixFem!Reader for the plot

Mentions of angst, smut, kidnapping, forced love, rough smut, blood, knife play

———

You are mine and only mine

You knew Vi and her sister Jinx for a while now. It’s hard not to since they were pretty popular in Zaun. Everyone knew them but not only in positive ways. Vi gets into fights with others, especially in the Last Drop, her temper was thin and if someone was talking shit about the ones she loved she just had to show them a lesson. Or she just gets provoked by Sevika which was enough to cause a fight with those two. Jinx on the other hand was known for her chaos. Blowing up stuff especially in Piltover and stealing stuff. When Jinx wanted something she will get it and she won’t hesitate at all, using everything she could to achieve her goal.

Even though they were sisters, they always mocked each other and didn’t really have a healthy sister relationship caused by certain events in the past.

You and Vi had a relationship going on but you couldn’t ignore the fact that Jinx began to like you as well. Whenever Vi wasn’t with you, Jinx tried to talk to you and gave you obvious signs that she had a crush on you. Besides being very chaotic and deadly dangerous Jinx was beautiful, her smile always did something to you, you hated it but you couldn’t control what you felt whenever she smiled at you. Slowly you started having a crush on Jinx as well but you weren’t the type of person to cheat. Especially not because you alresdy were engaged to Vi.

„Hey Toots!“ Jinx caught you in the Last Drop hanging out without Vi and of course she took the chance to talk to you. She was always like the wind, appearing out of nowhere as she suddenly sat beside you. The usual happy smile on her face which made your heart do a flip but you ignored your feelings at this point. „Oh hey Jinx.“ You answered, turning on your seat. „What ya doin here? Aren’t you supposed to be with Vi?“ She asked and you just nod your head in response. „Yes she will join me soon.“ You answered her and her pink eyes traveled down to your finger, seeing a ring on it which made her bite her own lower lip, you noticing she didn’t like it at all, knowing what it meant. „Is that from Vi?“ She asked with a more lower tone, her usual quirky voice changing abruptly. Your gaze went down to look at the ring, forcing a smile on your face. „Yes. Me and Vi are engaged.“ You said and Jinx‘s facial expression dropped, making you worry she would flip but she stayed calm which surprised you as she forced a grin on her face but she looked more creepy than anything else. „O-Oh? I didn’t know. Congrats.“ Her voice being a little shaky, she wanted to scream. You on the other hand didn’t know what to answer and luckily Vi appeared, finally joining you as she hugged you from behind. „Hey my beautiful girl“ She said and you turned to your fiancé, Vi leaning down to press a kiss on your lips, right in front of Jinx.

The blue haired woman bit the inside of her cheek hard, tasting her own blood. She was boiling inside, standing up from her seat. „I will give you more privacy. Have fun.“ She spat out her words disgustedly, leaving the last drop with rage inside of her, leaving you and Vi alone.

Jinx paced around in her hideout, mumbling various things to herself, her usual insane behavior. „They are engaged…she is mine though…Vi must have manipulated her…there is no way she doesn’t love me back.“

‚You aren’t good enough for her‘ She heard the voice in her head and that made her snap. „SHUT UP!“ She screamed as she threw a few of her tools off her table in rage, a little insane chuckle escaping her lips. „Oh no…no she is mine. MINE!“ She yelled once again, her gaze moving to a piece of paper on her table which she wrote down a plan to get you to love her. A plan for inventing a serum which was like a love potion. She wanted to do this a long time ago but she hesitated…long enough. Now it’s not too late, you are only engaged, she can still do something about it. Her fingers digging on the table as she looked down at the piece of paper, a few tear drops falling on it, her body shaking of rage. „Sorry sis…but you are engaged with my girl…I won’t let you marry her.“ She talked to herself before sitting down on her chair and started to work on her plan.

You were walking along the streets of Zaun alone, Vi was on a mission up in Piltover so you got bored and just wanted to take a walk which will turn out to be a huge mistake. Generally Zaun wasn’t the most save place to walk around, all those shimmer addicts hanging out in the dark corners of the streets, begging to get some of it. You were used to it though, not paying attention to their pleas. Suddenly something hard hit your head, making you whine in pain and made you black out in seconds as you fell to the ground.

The pain in your head got worse, your vision blurry as you opened your eyes to find yourself tied up on a chair, as your vision got a little more clear you noticed your surroundings being not familiar to you but the graffities drawn everywhere where familiar to you. Tools everywhere, creepy self made dolls of people you didn’t recognize hanging around and a lot of weapons. Some finished some halfway finished. You took in a familiar scent as you heard footsteps getting closer to you from behind and soon the person stood in front of you, looking down at you with a dark smile. „Look who is awake.“ Jinx said as she then placed herself on your lap.

„J-Jinx?? Why did you do this??“ You asked and she just chuckled as she wiped the blood coming from the wound of your forehead. „Because I love you. Isn’t that obvious?“ She cooed and you furrowed your eyebrows, not really understanding her. „You kidnap me because you love me? That’s a weird way of showing love don’t you think?“ You couldn’t believe she really did that, you knew she was crazy but that still surprised you. „I just saved you from doing the biggest mistake of your life. Marrying the wrong person.“

Your eyes widened in shock, she really went this far because of jealousy? „I love Vi!“ You said, making Jinx roll her eyes in response. „Uh huh…sure you do. And why did you always look at me with that intense gaze when she isn’t around? Come on don’t lie to yourself toots, you love me.“ She said and you knew she wasn’t wrong. You had a crush on Jinx as well but you were promised to someone else and breaking Vi‘s heart is not what you wanted to do. Stupid of you to marry her even though you didn’t love her to only not break her heart.

„So…are you still going to lie directly into my face? Or will you finally tell me about your true feelings?? Because I really don’t want to hurt you baby.“ She tried to give you a last chance but you just couldn’t. You promised Vi to be hers and forever hers so you refused to say anything, moving your face away when Jinx tried to kiss you, making her groan in frustration. „Ugh…you really are hard to convince aren’t you? Well then let’s go the painful path.“

Jinx didn’t hesitate as she rammed a needle into your neck, making you yelp at the sudden pain, you could feel she injected something into you but since your hands were tied behind your back you couldn’t push her off no matter how much you squirmed. Your body started to feel hot as you panted, feeling your limbs getting numb and slowly losing your vision again, Jinx holding you close as she whispered softly to you. „Shh…it’s gonna be alright. I know it hurts but the pain will go away and we will be together forever…you are mine and I won’t let you go ever…“

Your dizziness fading, eyes opening as you looked into Jinx’s eyes and when you looked at her beautiful face you felt so in love, more like you ever loved someone before. The memories of you and Vi together fading. She caressed your face with her cold fingers, admiring the look on your face, looking into your with love filled eyes, showing she succeeded. „You belong to me…“ She mumbled and you smiled, her words suddenly meaning so much to you. „Of course I am..“ You answered and that made her realize she really succeeded this time with her invention, looking like she was about to cry as she crashed her lips against yours, finally kissing you, feeling your warm lips on hers. She hummed softly into the kiss. „Mhh…this is all I ever wanted…“ She cooed before connecting your lips again. You kissed each other passionately, your tongues fighting with dominance as you both felt aroused, soft moaning escaping both of your lips into the kiss.

With a swift movement Jinx cut the rope with a knife which held your hands tied together. Once your hands were free they traveled up and down her body, sending shivers down the blue haired girls body, making her bite her lower lip before she looked at you with a smirk, the tip of her knive pointing against your throat. „I will make you never forget this…and never forget who you belong to.“ She said before dragging you to her couch, throwing down all of things on it which would only disturb you so you have enough space. As soon as you laid on your back she removed all of your clothes, looking at your exposed body like a predator would look at it’s prey. „What you waiting for love? Make me never forget this.“ You said, really wanting this and you calling her love made Jinx‘s heart skip a beat. She wanted this for so long, hearing you call her names, touching your body, hearing you moan.

„Impatient aren’t we?“ She chuckled before leaning down to place kisses on your neck, making you gasp at how rough they were, feeling her teeth bite at your skin, leaving marks everywhere around your neck and chest. But there was still something that Junx didn’t like on you, the ring. When she leaned up once again to look at your weak expression, seeing how your chest already rose up and down in excitement she took your hand in hers, removing the ring from your finger and throwing it across the room. „Now we can continue.“ She mentioned before running the blade of her knife gently down along your stomach, seeing your body tensing up before she stopped the blade right above your pussy.

„Tell me you love me.“ She demanded as she poked the tip of her knife into your flesh, threatening you but you didn’t have anything to worry about since you obeyed. She would probaby hurt you with the knife if you refused but you were drunk in love with her. „I love you, only you.“ You answered and she finally knew this is real, tossing the knife away before she went down on your body, getting her head between your thighs as she bit down on the soft flesh of your inner thighs, maybe a bit too harsh since she made it bleed, making you whimper at the playful pleasure, her tongue licking over the little wound, tasting your blood but there was something more she craved to taste for eternity. Her tongue gently licking along your wet slit, the moment her tongue reached for your clit you moaned softly. She was focused on fucking you with her mouth as she licked you harder like she was starving for it before kissing and sucking your clit, tongue slipping inside of you, making you moan louder as you threw your head back, squirming under her which made Jinx pull back, her needy gaze driving you crazy. „Just wait for a little more baby, I want us to come together.“ She mentioned before sitting up, taking off her clothes now, exposing herself now to you. You never saw someone this beautiful, she was just a goddess in your eyes, wanting to touch her so bad. „You are gorgeous my love…“ You whispered loud enough for her to her, a little blush appearing on her face but she never lost her dominance. „My love…that sounds beautiful…that’s what I wanted“ She talked to herself but you didn’t mind it, letting her continue as she got on top of you, slowly grinding her wetness against yours, making both of you whine softly at the good feeling. Jinx pulled you up to her, kissing you as both of you were grinding against each other, filling the room up with wet needy sounds, going almost crazy whenever your clit is rubbing against hers. The only thing that could be heard of you were needy muffled moaning sounds as you fucked each other like that, not wanting to leave the kiss.

Only when you both were close to cum, your lips parted as you moaned out. „F-Fuck!…m…cumming…!“ She whined before you came on esch other, your bodies trembling before collapsing on each other.

You laid in each others arms, cuddling for a while before Jinx got her usual attitude back, grinning as she looked down at you. „Heh…I got something way better for you.“ She mentioned before leaning to the side, getting something which looked like a ring she made herself with her name engraved on it. She didn’t even ask you as she slipped it on your finger. „Now you‘re my fiancee. We are going to marry and be happy forever.“ She just decided herself but you were so addicted to her by the serum she injected in you, not caring about anything else in this moment. „Of course we will stay forever. I can’t wait to marry you. I love you Jinx.“ You said before kissing her and she kissed you back, so in love with you and she will make sure no one will take you from her.

[p-artsypants]

I had a craving for an arranged marriage AU, with a little twist. I have like three other scenes in mind, but no plot. So here's a blurb for now, maybe more someday IDK

This is specifically for @thereweredragonshere as I was looking at her art while writing this.

Okay thanks I love you bye

---

Quietly, so quietly, Hiccup shut his front door behind him. Then he began to tiptoe to his loft. He had been out with the Nightfury, Toothless as he named him, all day. Longer than intended. A lecture was bound to happen because of it. 

“Hiccup,” Stoick stopped him, his voice cutting through the silence and crackling fire. 

“Oh! Dad! I uh…I didn’t see you there…” That was a lie. Such a lie.

“Come, sit. I need a word with you.” 

Hiccup closed his eyes in defeat and slinked over, sheepishly standing across the fire pit. 

“Sit,” Stoick said again, his voice stern in a way that left little room for arguing.

So he obeyed, and sat on the bench, with just enough butt on the chair to be considered sitting, but he was ready to dart away at a moment's notice. 

Stoick wasn’t often physically violent with him, just yelling. In the times he was physical, it was just being lifted and rag dolled out of the way like a bad cat. 

“So…” Hiccup prompted, at an attempt to be casual. 

“I’ve been in communication with the Shivering Shores,” Stoick went on. 

Hiccup relaxed a little. This didn’t seem to concern him all that much. Perhaps his dad just wanted to talk about chief stuff.

“Oh, yeah. I saw the courier boat today.” 

“We finally reached an agreement.” 

“Th-that’s good! Great! An alliance? A treaty?” 

“Trade agreement. Fish for supplies. The dragon raids have been harsh this year and we need all the extra supplies we can get.” 

“I-I agree! I mean…I know the other night wasn’t helpful…” he gulped. 

“Which brings me to the second part of the agreement.” Stoick flicked his eyes over and gazed at his son. “The part that concerns you.” 

“Oh…” Hiccup squeaked. 

“We’re joining our tribes in marriage. I made an offer for the Chief’s youngest daughter to be your bride. He accepted.” 

“Did she?” Hiccup croaked. 

“Doesn’t need to.” 

Hiccup felt very cold and sank into his chair. 

“But,” Stoick continued. “There’s a very specific reason for this arrangement. Chief Hofferson’s daughter, Astrid, has become somewhat famous in the archipelago for her prowess in battle. She is the best warrior on their island, bar none. And she’s your age.” 

His eyes went wide. 

“I told Chief Axel that I was concerned for your safety, and thought his daughter would not only be a worthy bride, but a protector for you.” 

“Oh gods…” 

“She said she would be honored to be your protector.” 

He swallowed. “And…my wife?” 

“She agreed to it.” 

That would have to be enough, he supposed. “On paper?”

“All of this was through courier, yes.” 

Hiccup nodded, his throat feeling too numb to swallow. It was likely that over in the Shivering Shores, Chief Hofferson was having this very same conversation with his daughter, telling her that he agreed to the marriage and wrote that she was honored to accept. 

Hiccup didn’t know what she looked like, but imagined a pretty girl throwing a tantrum and destroying furniture.

Perhaps with a weapon, if the ‘prowess in battle’ was true. 

“This is a good thing, son,” Stoick urged. “You’re too weak to swing a sword, you’ve been completely unprotected during dragon raids—”

“I know.”

“No, I don’t think you do.” Stoick became stern. “You are my only son. My heir. The next chief of Berk. And it seems like you’re determined to perish before you get there!” 

Hiccup winced, thinking back on that roar that Toothless had unleashed in his face. That might have been his closest and most intimate brush with death. And that was just yesterday. 

“Besides the dragons, we have the Outcasts and Berserkers circling us and waiting to pounce. You risking your safety with those Thor’s-damned inventions during a dragon raid is one thing, but a viking raid? They’ll be coming for you, looking for you. And Astrid will be there to protect you. Do you hear what I’m saying?” 

“Yes,” he whispered, ashamed. “I’m hearing ‘bride’ but I think you mean ‘babysitter’.” 

Stoick didn’t argue with that. Just tightened his mouth into a grim line. 

Hiccup just further slouched, crumbling in on himself. How embarrassing! He thought there was a chance he’d have an arranged marriage, given his status, but arranged so that he had a bodyguard? 

“When do I meet the lucky lady?” He attempted a quip, but his voice sounded so hollow. 

“Tomorrow. And you’re wed at the end of the week.” 

He made a loud noise of disgust as he keeled over, nearly falling off the bench. “Geez dad…” 

“It's for the best.” 

“That’s so fast!” He argued. “Can’t I like…get to know her first? Go on a hike? Have a nice candle lit dinner with mead?” 

“You can do that in the week leading up to the wedding. She’ll be practically glued to your side.” 

“Oh gods…” 

“She won’t know anyone else here, won’t know the village layout, or the way we do things. You will teach her.” Stoick stood and lumbered over. He poked Hiccup in the chest. “And you’ll be pleasant about it.” 

Hiccup huffed. “I mean I’ll try my best, but I can’t guarantee I’ll be pleasant if she treats me like the others.” 

“You’ll be pleasant. Nothing else.” 

Hiccup swallowed at the tone, shrinking in his seat. “Okay fine.” 

“Good.” Stoick nodded. “Then off to bed with you. They’ll arrive before dinner. I’ll be off in the morning making preparations for their accommodations. I expect you to be there when the ship arrives, looking your sharpest.” 

“Yes sir,” he grumbled, getting to his feet. He shuffled across the room and back to the stairs. 

As he got ready for bed, and laid down to sleep, he thought about this ‘Astrid’ girl. 

His bride. 

A girl had never shown interest in him before, and this was likely to be the same. But he had heard that arranged marriages often worked out well, with the couple learning to love each other. Wouldn’t that be something? A girl that loved him. A girl to come home to. A girl to share his thoughts and ideas with. 

A girl to share Toothless with. 

No. No, that was crazy. No one, not even his wife could know about what he was planning on doing with that dragon. 

But everything else?

Having a companion might be kind of nice, if he could get used to it. 

And if she was the best warrior in the Shivering Shores, then she ought to be able to keep Snotlout and the Twins off his back. 

Eventually, Hiccup fell asleep, feeling some form of optimism. 

—

That feeling didn’t last. 

He had woken up early and spent the morning with Toothless in the cove. He poured his guts out to the dragon, lamenting about how his life was completely out of his control. 

Toothless had simply listened and gnawed on a stick. 

Eventually, he returned to the village sometime after lunch. He couldn’t push it, knowing he was on thin ice as it was. He combed his hair and put on a clean tunic. 

Then he spent an hour pacing in the square, listening for the horn that would sound their arrival. 

People passed and gave him smiles and knowing looks, but didn’t say anything. That was fine. He didn’t want to talk to anyone anyway. He was too nervous. 

All they cared about was the party anyway. 

When the horn sounded, he felt his knees buckle. All the anxiety that had been building hit him like a hammer and he tilted sideways. 

“You okay, lad? You look pale!” Gobber called. “I’ve been watching you for the last half hour. You’re makin’ me dizzy!” 

“She’s here,” Hiccup breathed. “She’s here.” 

“Ah, your blushing bride! Better go greet her then, ah?” 

Hiccup thought he nodded, but he might have just bobbed his head like a chicken, then wobbled off to go down to the docks. 

Stoick smiled when he arrived. “There you are! Right on time!” 

“I’m going to be sick.” 

Stoick clapped him on the back, making him swallow the bile that was rising. “It’s pretty nerve-wracking, I know, but it’ll be fine. She’s probably just as nervous.” 

In a way, that helped. If Astrid was stuttering and blushing through introductions, he could handle it. 

The ships came into dock, and Hiccup stood on his tiptoes to try to see over the high sides. There were several people, but he couldn’t quite pick out who Astrid could be.

The ramp fell over the side, and the party disembarked. There were a pair of soldiers out first, followed by a man who could only be Chief Axel the Arduous. He was large; not as large as his father, of course. But he wore the chief’s fur cloak and pendants, just as his father did. 

Axel grinned widely. “Greetings my friends!” 

“Good tidings!” Stoick grasped his hand in a strong clasp. “You had a pleasant journey?” 

“Yes, very good! Good weather! Good head wind! A good omen from the gods, to be sure!” 

As the chiefs talked, three women disembarked the ship. One was older, likely the chief’s wife, while the other two were teenagers. They were all blonde and blue-eyed and pretty. 

And rather delicate, in Hiccup’s opinion. Not that they weren’t still bigger than him, but he didn’t get the vibe of ‘best warrior’ from any of them. They were all wearing fine dresses and giggling to each other. 

“Stoick, this is my wife, Phlegma,” Axel gestured. “And my two eldest daughters, Ingrid and Sigurd.” 

The two girls tittered as they looked at Hiccup. He saw one mouth to the other, “look at how tiny he is.” 

Not a real ego booster, to be sure. 

“I thought your youngest was to be married?” Stoick calmly questioned. 

“Astrid will be out in a moment, I’m sure,” Axel sighed, a bit exasperated. 

“Poor thing’s a nervous wreck,” Phlegma added. “She’s putting her armor on. She wanted to make a good impression, afterall.” 

Hiccup sighed slightly, reassured that he wasn’t the only one completely psyched out of his mind. 

However, his world turned upside down as a huge figure leapt from the side of the boat and landed on the dock in front of him. It was a valkyrie if there ever was one. She raised to her full height, towering over him by a foot or more. She was almost the same height as his father! 

She was toned, with thick corded muscles in her arms and what was visible of her legs between her spiked skirt and studded boots. She wore studden pauldrons and gauntlets as well. Her body was thick and solid, curvy in all the right places, and no doubt trained to apex danger. 

But her face was soft. Delicate cheeks and a softly rounded chin. A cute button nose with a gentle sweeping brow. Beautiful, explosive blue eyes surrounded by thick gold lashes. All of it was haloed by a swath of sunshine gold hair braided over her shoulder. 

How a creature could be so scarily tough and the epitome of feminine beauty at the same time, he had no idea. 

“What an entrance!” Stoick laughed. 

This new warrior had a calm and cool facade as she answered, “I panicked.” Then she bowed slightly, dipping her head with respect. “Chief Stoick, it’s an honor. I’m Astrid Hofferson.” 

“A pleasure, my dear!” He held out a hand. 

She shook it, and Hiccup could see that her hands were rough, but not big and meaty like his father’s.

“And this is my son, Hiccup.” He placed a hand on his back. 

Hiccup could only grin awkwardly, getting lost in those blue eyes. How was this girl the same age as him? 

“Hello,” she said softly. Then she glanced back at Stoick, seemingly waiting for something. 

Stoick nodded slowly and tried again. “This is my only son, Hiccup…your husband to be.” 

She inhaled briefly at that, and let out a soft, “Oh.” Her exhale was slow and she whispered, “I see.”  

Hiccup cast his gaze to the ground as he held his arm. This girl was just as disappointed as everyone else was, and he hadn’t even done anything yet. 

“Is that how you would greet your betrothed?” Axel asked. 

“Oh come on dear, she’s nervous,” Phlegma argued back. 

But apparently Axel’s words stirred something in Astrid as she took a quick stride forward and reached out and took Hiccup’s hand. Then she leaned down and pressed a sweet kiss to his cheek. 

“D-Duh?” Hiccup blurted, smartly. 

She smiled at him, a dusting of pink on her perfect cheeks. “Hello darling.” 

“H-h-hi,” he stuttered out. “I’m Hiccup.” 

She gave a nod. “Astrid.” 

His feet felt like they were made of stone as he stood there, stock still and staring. And Astrid continued to hold her smile, but her eyebrow started to raise. 

“Son,” Stoick patted his shoulder. “Why don’t you show Astrid around the village?” 

“What? Oh! Yes! Of course! The village! My village! Where I–where we live, where you will live also…ha!” He spoke a bit too loudly, and he could feel his face burning. 

Astrid just tilted her head slightly to the side as her eyes widened, but her grin got bigger. Was she annoyed and trying to hide it? She hadn’t let go of his hand yet though. “Okay, lead the way.” 

He gulped, and looked over to his father. 

“Go on,” Stoick whispered, making a shooing motion.

“Uh…th-this way…” he said, pulling her along by the hand. 

Once they were a little ways away, Stoick and Axel resumed their conversation, but they were so loud, Hiccup could hear. 

“You weren’t kidding, Stoick! He’s a fishbone of a boy! Astrid’ll take good care of him!” 

Hiccup’s shoulders drooped and he turned his face away from his betrothed, ashamed, embarrassed. 

Astrid didn’t seem to notice though. “What’s that?” 

He glanced up where she was pointing. “Oh, that’s the Kill Ring, where we uh…kill things. Mainly dragons.” 

“You’ve killed a dragon?” Her voice was curious, not skeptical, which was refreshing. 

“No no, not me personally. I…I couldn’t kill a dragon.” 

“Hmm,” she nodded, accepting this answer. 

She was calm, cool, and collected. Apparently that’s what nervousness looked like to this hulking goddess. 

Still holding her hand, he led her over to the arena, trying to think of something to say, but being too nervous to do so. Thankfully, Astrid just patiently held his hand and looked around, taking everything in. They crossed the bridge and came to stand at the edge of the arena. 

Two people were sparring inside. Astrid let go of his hand to grasp at the chains of the dome. “Who are they?” 

“That’s Snotlout and Tuffnut. Snotlout’s my cousin, and Tuffnut has a twin sister, Ruffnut.” 

“Friends of yours then?” 

“...not really, no.” 

She smirked. “Good, because their technique is dog shit.” 

Hiccup sputtered a laugh, unable to help himself. This drew the attention of the boys in the ring. 

“Hey Useless!” Called Snotlout. “Who’s the babe?” 

Hiccup flushed in indignation, but Astrid answered instead, cooly. “Astrid Hofferson, though I’ll be Astrid Haddock at the end of the week.” 

“No way!” Snotlout laughed. “That’s your bride to be!? I would have thought Stoick would have found someone in your weight class at least!” 

Hiccup hunched his shoulders. 

Astrid just scoffed at the ring, took his hand, and led him away. “I can see why you aren’t friends with them. He’s kind of an asshole.” 

“No ‘kind of’ about it, he is an asshole. Sorry you had to meet him first. The rest of Berk isn’t as terrible as that.” 

“It’s fine, Hiccup. There were boys like that on the Shivering Shores too.” 

Things were going okay, he thought. Could be better, but Astrid was taking a lot really well. She seemed so mature and cool, it made him extremely guilty. 

“I’m sorry,” he blurted. 

She merely raised an eyebrow. “For what? You didn’t do anything.” 

“Sometimes that’s enough…but uh, f-for getting you into this arranged marriage. It’s probably not what you wanted to do with your life. You could be a great warrior, but…now you have to babysit me because my dad thinks I’m so useless I can’t even breathe on my own. So…sorry.” 

To his surprise, she smiled at him and ruffled his hair. “First of all, did you request me as your bride? Did you ask your dad to make the contract?” 

“No.” 

“Thought so. So nothing to apologize there for. Second, I’m the youngest of my father’s daughters. As a daughter of a chief, it’s almost guaranteed I’ll be in an arranged marriage, so that wasn’t a surprise. But as the youngest, I probably would have been married to a much older man, maybe even a widower. He would have expected me to be barefoot in the kitchen and popping out babies the rest of my life.” 

Hiccup stared at her, nodding slowly as her logic made sense. He’d heard of stuff like that happening. 

“Because I’m so tall, I decided to pour all my free time into training, with the hope that my future husband would see I was a worthy warrior and I wouldn’t be trapped in the kitchen. It was a long shot, but worth it to me.” 

His eyes widened. “So, you kind of got what you wanted. My dad picked you for me because of your skill, and not your status.” 

“Exactly! Plus, you’re the same age as me, and you’re the heir! I’ll be chieftess someday! That’s not something I thought would happen to me.” 

“Well,” he sheepishly shrugged his shoulders. “I can hope I’ll be chief. Some people in town might think differently.” 

“Regardless, I’m happy.”

“Even though I’m so small? I can’t pick you up, Astrid. You’ll have to lean down to kiss me during our wedding. Isn’t that…embarrassing?” 

She shrugged. “I’ve been teased about my height my whole life. Boys called me ‘Treetop’ back at home, and said I’d never get a date because men didn’t want a woman taller than them. I always assumed my husband would be shorter than me.” 

“...and I kind of figured my wife would be taller.” 

She grinned. “So see! We’re on the same page!” 

He chuckled. “I guess so.” 

“Come on! Show me around! Introduce me to your friends!” 

He blanched. “Ah…yeah, my friends…”

[nightmaremonarch]

jojo’s bizarre fantasy au BECAUSE I LOVE PART 5 AUGHHHHHHHHH

i rewatched the entirety of part five in the span it took to make this. Details about the lore and characters below the cut ^_^

Ok. I will be separating this based on character… in an attempt to be more organized. Included will also be my friend’s description that she gave for each character upon seeing the drawing.

Giorno Giovanna — Race, half vampire. Stand name, Gaia. Unfortunately lost his silly victory rolls, which have been replaced with donut shaped curls. Has a dream of usurping the Crimson King and ending his oppressive reign.

Friend’s Description: “‘pink is still manly for this era guys trust’”

Trish Una — Race, human(?). Stand name, Spice. I like to think she tries to maintain an air of elegance and superiority, but she’s just a kid who doesn’t particularly want to be in the situation she’s in. The princess of an underground kingdom? No way. She just wants to be Trish.

Friend’s Description: “Noblelady”

Guido Mista — Race, human. Stand name, Coitus Cluster (good god the creative juices are NOT flowing). Best archer, like, ever. Probably enjoys animal furs but is too broke to get any. Stinky loser.

Friend’s Description: “Robin hood.”

Pannacotta Fugo — Race, elf. Stand name, Purple Death. Former nobleman and still dresses like it. Had to limit the holes in his clothes because he is, unfortunately, not immune to being sunburn.

Friend’s Description: “totally not a vampire”

Bruno Bucciarati — Race, human. Stand name, Strings of Fate. I love him. He’s the love of my life. I may or may not have put the most effort into his outfit. He’s so beautiful. No notes. Also, since zippers weren’t invented till like… mid 1800’s, rather than zippers, he uses strings!!! Tugs on ‘em the way you would a loose hem…

Friend’s Description: “Italian nobleman”

Leone Abbacchio — Race, drow. Stand name, Rewind. It takes the form of a snake!! Because Moody Blues had them.. neck thangs. I don’t know. Anyways. Abbacchio coulda been drippier, but at the time of drawing I was running low on brain power.

Friend’s Description: “TOTALLY NOT A VAMPIRE”

Narancia Ghirga — Race, human. Stand name, Pheonix. Due to the fact that airplanes did NOT exist prior to some point in the 1900’s, Narancia’s stand is a bird. Probably breathes fire and can detect carbon dioxide… cannot come back from the dead though. Sorry buddy. Also, his left eye is blind from his eye infection. Sorry again buddy.

Friend’s Description: “peasant working on a merchant ship”

AND FINALLY:

Diavolo — Race, Demon. The Crimson King. He took FOREVER to draw. Especially those tattoos. I tried to make his color scheme salvageable, but seeing as I was working with Diavolo’s actual color scheme… it is not the best. Diavolo used to have wings as well, but after an incident that prompted him to go underground, they’re gone. He hides in the body of a halfling named Vinegar Doppio… though they are two completely separate entities.

Friend’s Description: “Dante’s homosexual Inferno”

idk if ill elaborate more on this au. depends on the reception of this…!! this is all just for fun… goofs and gaffs… love u sorry for only posting wips for months before this

also in this au i think stands would be called spirits/be spirits ok that’s all fr now bye love u

[ynboxbox]

lust for life - ms47 & cl16

✰ pairing: mick schumacher vs charles leclerc x fem ! senna ! haas ! reader

✰ summary: what happens to mick and y/n's relationship when y/n is chosen as the new ferrari driver alongside her childhood karting crush, charles leclerc?

✰ a/n bit of a spicy one for my first sma! big sorry to mick fans :-( also this is set in late 2022!

👤 mickschumacher •••

Liked by pierregasly and 430,611 others

mickschumacher Summer lovin' @ynsenna

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landonorris mega goals

haasf1team you two 🫶

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👤 ynsenna •••

Liked by kellypiquet and 349,602 others

ynsenna 🤷‍♀️

View all 512 comments

danielricciardo in your mindfulness era 🧿

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username caption 😳

👤 wearetherace •••

Liked by pierregasly and 32,881 others

wearetherace RUMOUR ⚠️ Ferrari are considering Y/N Senna for the 2022 season, and have been in talks with Haas to release her from her 2 year contract early.

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username YES YES YES

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username isgt shes gonna win a championship just like her dad

👤 f1gossipofficial •••

14,668 likes

f1gossipofficial Celebrations for Y/N? The driver was seen partying hard last night at E11even club in Miami through several close friends' instagram stories, and was captured leaving with an unknown man close by her side in the early hours of this morning.

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username NAURRRR I KNEW IT. THEY BROKE UP

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username why is nobody talking about the fact that this probably means she signed with ferrari tho

username lmao yall thats not charles

👤 charles_leclerc •••

Via Instagram stories

👤 ynsenna •••

Liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris and 972,871 others

ynsenna gunther might kill me for this post but... all the rumours are, in fact, true ;)

View all 1722 comments

username OH MY GOD

username Y/N AND CHARLES IN THE SAME TEAM

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lizzo obsessed.

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fernandoalo_oficial 🎊

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👤 mickschumacher •••

Liked by haasf1team and 365,814 others

mickschumacher Proud ❤️

Comments disabled

👤 ynupdates •••

3,551 likes

ynupdates Mick posted a congratulations for Y/N's new position at ferrari! They were also seen together in Florida on one of her family members' stories.

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username lmao why did ppl think they actually broke up?

username idk it just feels a bit off to me, he literally only put one word and a love heart :/

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username guys think about it... he might be jealous bc yn had a more successful year than him and is now going to a bigger team than him.

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username i dont want them to break up but i also think her and charles would be PERFECT together

username literally! do you remember their old karting interviews?? they had so much chemistry

╰┈➤ username its bc she had a crush on him lol

👤 scuderiaferrari •••

Liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 1,128,794 others

scuderiaferrari A warm Ferrari welcome to our new recruit ❤️ How are you liking red so far, @ynsenna?

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ynsenna can't say i hate it tbh

username it just feels right

charles_leclerc 🔥❤️

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👤 f1 •••

Liked by f1gossipofficial, charles_leclerc and 1,128,794 others

f1 BREAKING: Mick Schumacher to depart Haas at the end of the 2022 season.

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username gunther count your days

username THEY HAVE NO DRIVERS?..

username he deserved so much better than this shit fucking team ugh

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╰┈➤ username ayoooo

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👤 ynsenna •••

Via Instagram stories

👤 deuxmoi •••

Via Instagram stories

👤 f1gossipofficial •••

19,939 likes

f1gossipofficial Jessa & Charles were spotted kissing outside of Zedd's show at LIV Miami last night. It is currently unknown whether Jessa and Mick have broken up.

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username I KNEW IT !!!!!!!!!

username this is actually so gross of her :/?? she has a huge fanbase of young girls, why is she promoting this to them...

username Women ☕️

zedd 😳

username NOT HIM COMMENTING

username this is all your fault 😭😭

username we knew this already but yall gaslight us into believing her and mick were still just fine.

username i feel SO bad for mick :( fuck yn.

username yall CHILL they probably just broke up

username no like why is everyone just jumping to cheating like that????

👤 ynsenna •••

Via Instagram stories

To be continued :-)

[levimanco]

NSFW YANDERE JONATHAN CRANE

NO TIME FOR WARNINGS BC IF I WRITE DOWN SOME ILL FORGET MY HEAD CANNONS SO THIS IS ALL YOU GET!! BEWARE!!

—————————————-///////////////——————

•Crane isn’t overly active but when he is sometimes the outcome is scarily surprising.

•Picture a lottery wheel except the only way you’ll know what the answers on the lottery wheel are gonna be known to you if that’s what you hit on the lottery. It can be known as the wheel of misfortune. Sometimes.

•crane can be sickly sweet to His little dove sometimes, Praising his Little dove for such obedience as he repeatedly -and obsessively- rails into little dove until little Dove is cockdrunk.

•Crane can be absolutely cruel and berating to his little dove sometimes. Dosing them with a shot of adrenaline as he wraps his gloved hand strongly around your throat, mercilessly ramming into you as his hand grips your neck tighter. You nearly see black every time until the grip loosens enough to regain your sore haze. Your poor insides are sore and though you’re so scared… your body begs for more.

•Crane can be so demanding sometimes. “My sweet little dove, so naive and pure… wear a skirt, I must have you accessible to me for any misbehaviour~” His voice would coo in a sing song voice that would rack a shiver down little doves spine and a sadistic smirk from Crane.

•Little dove always knows when Crane wants to devour them because he’ll snap the band of their underwear teasingly but say nothing because he expects Little Dove to understand his nonverbal commands. Even if he just invented one. Little dove better hope they guessed right on nonverbal commands… or else.

• Crane doesn’t expect you to go down on him unless he is punishing you. He is merciless with it, one hand gripping your hair tightly while the other’s pulling at the chain collar and leash he put around your neck like he intends to end you.

•Crane won’t often go down on you because like I said in a previous post, He’s addicted to you, and obsessed. If he goes down on Little Dove? He won’t stop even if his jaw locks. Little dove will have probably orgasmed so many times that it hurts so bad to move afterwards.

•Crane loves using cuffs and hospital restraints on Little dove. Both things he can easily acquire due to his job as a psychiatrist at Arkham and as his Alias as Scarecrow.

•the Aftercare is extremely unexpected and unique, he will clean up Little dove with medical precision and care while he coos little vulgar comments and questions to little dove who is too fucked out to even answer. Example below.

A.) “Awww, is my sweet Little dove sore~? Can my little dove even sputter out a coherent sentence I wonder~” He mused as a clean rag swiped harshly against Little Dove’s centre making Little dove jerk and whine in pain. He smirked and chuckled sinisterly at their reaction. “I didn’t think so.” He ran his finger through little dove’s hair patronisingly. “perfectly obedient and mindless.” He sighed in a sickeningly content kind of expression. One of peace and relief and a Crumbling landslide of dread creeping into Little Dove as Crane continued to clean them up and dress Little dove in their dainty little nightclothes.

————————————————————————

THATS ALL IM SORRY BYE IM IN A RUSH