#they haven't checked on me even once
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It really sucks having to be bored out of my mind every single day because I have no friends, no job, no way of even accepting money so even if I did get a job I couldn't be paid, nobody to look forward to talking to and nobody who actually enjoys my presence so I'm completely alone and all I have to do is be on my phone, be on my laptop, stare at the wall or the ceiling or take a nap.
I don't even really have a reason to look at my phone anymore and haven't in years because, again, I have nobody to talk to or look forward to talking to and nobody who actively wants to talk to me so all I do is open tumblr and scroll for a few minutes before closing it, and I avoid instagram to the best of my ability so I'm not tempted to contact my fp or think about them or anything
#I'm struggling so hard to come to terms with the fact that my fp seemingly couldn't give q fuck if I were dead or alive at this point#they haven't checked on me even once#and like. I get we really only jsut started talking before I started isolating myself like this#but it hurts. why can't they care about me as much as I care about them???#why is it so much to ask to just have someone love ke and care about me as much as I do others???#why can't it ever be me?? why can't I be loved by them???#why can't it be me?????#sometimes I wonder if they really even want to get close to me#I feelnlike they couldn't give less of a shit about anything I have to say#and they clearly don't care about me enough to check on me#even though i have been VERY open on jnstagram about what I'm going through and why i'm avoiding talking to people rright now#I guess once again I'm too mentally ill to be loved by someone I care about#my ex fp who J trusted and loved more than anyone else and was willing to do anything for couldn't love me#she abandoned me the second she got the chance#I just wish my current fp would abandon me already and get it over with#it's going to be painful enough when they finally realixe how much of a burden i am to put up with#and how embarrassing I am to be seen with#why can't they just do it now. just get it over with so i can go back tk beinf completely alone and unloved as usual#what am i saying i'm already alone and unloved lol
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Kamo Noritoshi - Just classmates, just an accident.
Summary: Reader tripped in front of Noritoshi and he accidentally saw up their skirt. It's been hours and it's still on his mind.
A/N: this was written for my OC originally, just removed names. so it's a female reader wearing a skirt. kind of works as a self-insert if you're okay with she/her pronouns.
Tags: NSFW/18+, M/F, masturbation, one-sided feelings / not in relationship, 3rd person narration
Words: 1,279
He feels disgustingly perverted. But he can't stop thinking about it.
They were in the wooded training zone together for a simple class exercise in the early morning. It was hours ago. She's tripped and fallen a little ways ahead of him. And he hadn't tried to look. It was natural to look at unexpected movement happening right in front of him.
She'd stood up and laughed it off with only the faintest hints of warmth in her cheeks, knowing he'd seen and knowing it couldn't be changed.
It was hours ago, though. He had gone through multiple other classes. Eaten lunch. Taken an exam. Went through his after-school training. Completed his school day with all the diligence and care to detail that everyone would expect from him.
Silently putting great effort into staying on task. Into forcing that single, erotically persistent mental image away from his attention.
The way the fabric hugged her butt, framed by the pleats of her skirt. He actually didn't see that much, and that somehow makes it harder to forget. The way his eyes quickly traveled up her thighs and then between them, the sharp pang of guilt before he finally forced his gaze away. He's wrong for looking – she isn't his to look at.
But he wants her to be. So, so badly. As soon as he's alone in his dormitory, the memory creeps back into his attention. This time he lets it stay there. He locks his door and doesn't bother turning on the lights, just undresses and goes straight into his shower room and starts the water.
To his credit, he does reconsider for a moment while his member twitches between his thighs, growing harder. Is it fair to do this? Is it fair to her?
I guess you aren't the worst option, she'd told him. I woulda maybe died if it was one of the first-year guys.
That must mean she wouldn't mind, no…? Yes? She was embarrassed, but she wasn't upset with him. She would have hated it if the first-years had seen, but if it was him– since it was him, she was okay with it. That's what she meant, wasn't it? This wasn't wrong, was it?
After just a moment's hesitation, Noritoshi's hand moves between his legs, grasping his erection. He was already almost full mast, just thinking about her. To think she has this much of an effect over him…
He sighs out, turning to face the wall and leaning his arm against it as he begins slowly stroking himself. Hot water pelts his back as he closes his eyes and focuses on the mental image of her, on all fours on the forest floor, the skirt of her dress haphazardly tossed up over her hips. What would she have looked like if she'd wanted him to stare longer? He thinks of her coy expressions, the beautiful curl of her lips when she wants to get a reaction out of him. Imagining her there, perking her ass up and spreading her legs for him, blushing just like he saw her today, smiling invitingly like she always does…
He moans, a soft hum low in his throat. His hand curls his palm around the tip and twists slightly. Precum quickly coats his fingers, dribbling down the rest of his cock. He gives himself a few full strokes, smearing it over himself, delighting in the smooth glide that results.
What he'd seen of her ass was just as beautiful and enticing as the rest of her. He wishes he could have touched her, the cleft where thigh meets her rear, the valley between her legs. Wishes he could have moved her panties to the side, seen pink folds beneath pink fabric…
He puts his hand back on the head, thrusting into the tunnel of his fingers. Imagining himself on his knees with her in the forest, pushing his cock into the tunnel of her warmth instead. She'd cry out his name. Kamo-kun? Noritoshi? It didn't matter. He just wanted to feel her, warm and wet and squeezing him. Wanted her to take him, to want him.
She would be welcoming but demanding, the same as she's always been. She'd let him fuck her until he couldn't anymore. She'd whine and moan and call out his name from between her glossy, plush lips, she would tell him she needs more, faster, harder, and he would give it to her as soon as she asked. Because no matter how much he pretends, deep down he knows he can't deny her anything. In fact, he wants to give her everything she could ever ask for. He would, if he could.
"Y-Y/N..."
He can't help calling out for her, too, though his voice remains quiet underneath the spray of water. He imagines his hands pushing her skirt further up, until he could grip the bare skin of her waist, pulling her body back onto his cock. Watching her ass bouncing off his hips, his member disappearing into her soft pussy over and over again.
He wishes he could give her this, make her feel this touched and pleasured. Wishes he could make her blush and beg until she came all over him, overcome by the feelings he'd aroused in her. He imagines her collapsing onto the ground after he's finished with her, turning herself over and smiling up at him, breathless and sultry, legs spread wide and fingers spreading herself even wider. His load dripping out of her hole. It's erotic and it's obscene, it's– he needs it, needs her, needs her to want him–
Noritoshi stifles his groan into his arm while his cum paints the wall in front of him with thick, creamy droplets. Hot semen dribbles down his fist while he trembles and fucks his hand in a restrained, twitchy rhythm, slowly winding down from his peak.
Noritoshi breathes in and out of his mouth once he feels he has his voice back under control. A new sense of shame washes over him when he opens his eyes and stares at the mess he'd made of the shower wall. He takes one of the wrappings out of his hair – he was so preoccupied he forgot to even remove them – and uses that to wipe it off. He'd just throw it out afterward, he has plenty to spare. There is just no way he could continue wearing the remnants of what he'd just done.
But at least now that he's gotten it out of his system, he can forget about that image properly. At his age, this was just something he had to take care of sometimes. He wasn't wrong for it.
And she would forgive him even if she knew, anyway… She'd said it herself, that he wasn't the worst option. She had laughed it off before, she would do it again.
This wasn't a bad thing that he'd done. It was just… all of it, an accident.
Tomorrow, he will be normal again. His thoughts clear, attention focused where it's actually meant to be.
He will be normal. And they will just be classmates again.
He turns back into the shower spray, and tries hard to ignore his disappointment.
#ns.fw#jjk#kamo noritoshi#kamo noritoshi x reader#noritoshi x reader#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk imagines#slurp#jjk scenarios#noritoshi kamo#noritoshi kamo x reader#I swear I haven't abandoned this blog#I still check notifs and stuff#request are closed but people do occasionally send requests in there. I just am unable to fulfill them in a timely manner#no promises on that#I've moved from undergrad to post-grad education so I'm even busier than when I first started this blog#but I'd like to start posting here more casually again#maybe once every couple weeks or something manageable like that#I do write a lot but it's OC stuff that I'm not interested in posting#this is the first one where I was like ���yeah I could make this work for the blog”#anyway. tl;dr would love to return but we will see how motivation/time works out for me with this#i need to make a JJK masterpost just for this. yikes
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I’ve mentioned this elsewhere but it feels relevant again in light of the most recent episode. Something that’s really fascinating to me about Orym’s grief in comparison to the rest of the hells’ grief is that his is the youngest/most fresh and because of that tends to be the most volatile when it is triggered (aside from FCG, who was two and obviously The Most volatile when triggered.)
As in: prior to the attack on Zephrah, Orym was leading a normal, happy, casual life! with family who loved him and still do! Grief was something that was inflicted upon him via Ludinus’ machinations, whereas with characters like Imogen or Ashton, grief has been the background tapestry of their entire lives. And I think that shows in how the rest of them are largely able to, if not see past completely (Imogen/Laudna/Chetney) then at least temper/direct their vitriol or grief (Ashton/Fearne/Chetney again) to where it is most effective. (There is a glaring reason, for example, that Imogen scolded Orym for the way he reacted to Liliana and not Ashton. Because Ashton’s anger was directed in a way that was ultimately protective of Imogen—most effective—and Orym’s was founded solely in his personal grief.)
He wants Imogen to have her mom and he wants Lilliana to be salvageable for Imogen because he loves Imogen. But his love for the people in his present actively and consistently tend to conflict with the love he has for the people in his past. They are in a constant battle and Orym—he cannot fathom losing either of them.
(Or, to that point, recognize that allowing empathy to take root in him for the enemy isn't losing one of them.)
It is deeply poignant, then, that Orym’s grief is symbolized by both a sword and shield. It is something he wields as a blade when he feels his philosophy being threatened by certain conversational threads (as he believes it is one of the only things he has left of Will and Derrig, and is therefore desperately clinging onto with both bloody hands even if it makes him, occasionally, a hypocrite), but also something he can use in defense of the people he presently loves—if that provocative, blade-grief side of him does not push them—or himself—away first.
(it won’t—he is as loved by the hells as he loves them. he just needs to—as laudna so beautifully said—say and hear it more often.)
#critical role#cr spoilers#bells hells#orym of the air ashari#cr meta#imogen temult#ashton greymoore#liliana temult#this is genuinely completely written in good faith as someone who loves orym#but is also about orym and so will inevitably end up being completely misconstrued and made into discourse. alas#I could talk about how Orym’s unwillingness to allow the hells to actually finish/come to a solid conclusion on Philosophy Talk#is directly connected to one of the largest criticisms of c3 (that they are constantly having these conversations)#all day. alas. engaging with orym’s flaws tends to make people upset#it is ESP prevelant when he walks off after exclaiming ‘they (vangaurd) are NOT right’#which was not only never said but wasn’t even what they were talking about#he even admits as much to imogen like ten minutes later! that he is incapable of viewing it objectively#which is 100% justifiable and understandable but simultaneously does not make his grief alone the most important perspective in the world#also bc i fear ppl will play semantics on my tags yes the line ‘i hope she’s right’ was said but it was from ASHTON#who does not believe they are at all and wasn’t saying they actively WERE right. orym just heard something to latch onto and ran with it#ultimately there is a reason orym only admitted that he was struggling when he had stepped away to talk to dorian#who has not been around and thusly has not changed once n orym's eyes#and it isn't that the hells never check in or care. they do. they have several times over#it is dishonest to say they haven't#the actual reason is that all of this is something He Is Aware Of. he doesn't mention it bc he KNOWS it's hypocritical and selfish#he says as much!#EXHALES. @ MY OWN BRAIN CAN WE THINK ABT MOG AGAIN. FYRA RAI EVEN. FOR ME.#posting this literally at 8 in the morning so I can get my thoughts out of my brain but also attempt to immediately make this post invisibl
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*Makes an anti-Luke Castellan post (or any kind of post that does not see Hermes as the devil incarnate)*
Ar nawr am i gonna get screenshotted and complained about again
#wolffox speaks#This is directed#every time i do this it goes through my head#it's only happened once lmao 😭#The mutals started their own fucking argument with them that time#Mutuals i promise that if it happens again i'll act considerably more angrier than last time#Hermes is not the fucking blame for everything that has happened#He's to blame for Luke#The oracle. May's insanity. The prophecy (in general) and the minor gods not being noticed are not even close to his fault#pjo#Anti Luke Castellan#Luke Castellan crit#i cant remember the anti Luke tags#Pretty sure the person that did it the first time follows me now lmao#Idk haven't checked. I have more beef with someone in their comments than i did with them#one person in their comments was/is the Percy to my Alabaster
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Inspired by this post by @artpro86, I wanted an excuse to draw my latest blorbo, Cindy Bear, in a similar fashion... it didn't take me too long to be struck with an iconic reaction image to redraw with her instead.
#⭐ Star's Art ⭐#Cindy Bear#Jellystone#Hanna Barbera#Meme Redraw#Medibang Paint Pro#Coolness#I haven't been in a huge mood to draw as of late though just last night I drew with my tablet for the first time in a long while#Seeing as everything I have drawn in the last few weeks was drawn by mouse I wanted to make this drawing particularly special#Who better to center a drawing around than my latest fictional crush... (Unreasonably long dreamy sigh) Cindy Bear... 💖💖💖#I've only ever drawn in Jellystone's artstyle once over on my self-ship blog though I decided to really step up my previous effort here#I quite like the turnout too! I even put my own little spin on it by giving her a faint 'cel drop shadow' too#Sometime soon I do intend on whipping up a self-insert for Jellystone. Originally I wanted her to be a rat...#... though I do like the idea of her being a sheep as you don't tend to see a lot of them in the Hanna Barbera shows#Want to hear me rant and rave about Cindy more? Check out my self-ship post I linked above; I go OFF 💖💖💖💖💖
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okay. 42 inbox, 31 drafts. not all of them are oc sunday things but a lot of them are,,,,, hmm,,,,
(for the new folks, oc sunday is a thing where people send in their pokemon ocs and I post them because having ocs is rad and everyone has their own spin on the pokemon world/plots/stories. but I haven't done it since last july)
#oceandi speaks#tag rambling#like I did get a bit overwhelmed at the time but the biggest thing keeping me from oc sunday has been using all my free energy trying#to update the comic consistently . I've had these updatess sketched for so long now lol it feels ridiculous that it's 2024 and#gene's still in [checks calendar] december 2022.... feels bad#then I've also gotten very consumed by AUs (pieces and star trek rn) that I haven't even been posting on my sideblog#and then the last thing is that I've been trying to add image IDs and alt text to everything since the end of the hisui run#(on top of real life stuff but lbr who isn't dealing with that these days lol)#I don't want to... like... overwhelm everyone's dashes posting 70 things over the course of a few days..... but I want to share the#ocs that have been sent in............ hmm. well I have my update for tomorrow done on TIME for once so maybe tonight I'll start queueing
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#bro why is everyone growing up and away and trying to figure out their lives and careers and loves#and im just sitting here missing them?#like sure im trying to figure out mine too we're all that age so I don't resent them for it#but why don't they miss me? why don't they feel empty when they haven't talked to me in a long time?#like. didn't they feel very light and happy after talking to me like i did with them don't they have a bad day and think that oh ill#talk to me and it will all feel okay even if it isn't just for a minute?#oh ny god i feel so pathetic asking this but like why am i suddenly crying now???#like my bestf. she's so busy in her new internship in mumbai that she can't be bothered to text me back#a simple yes no question for days. like i understand you have cool new office and work and friends and your stupid fucking ex#that you couldn't stop crying about to me living in that city with you but what about me? what about us?? what about you saying#that you're my first bestfriend i haven't told this to anyone else this is forever everyone else judges me but you're the best#like i just feel like if you're going to leave me then don't fucking say shit like that to me??#okay oh my god this is so irrational but i literally can't stop crying and it's definitely pms like i checked#she's not even leaving she's just suddenly busy and adjusting it's only been like a month#but i hate this stupid fucking knife like fear that as soon as someone is a little busy or seems like they're pulling away a little my#brain is like okay they hate me they're going to leave me so pack your bags we're leaving first#like i know a better solution would be to just tell her that hey dude i fucking miss you and i saw this show and remember how you used to#love peter kavinsky because he was adorable and i want to sit and watch it with you and just why aren't we back in school#where we are basically forced to hang out for like 7 hours because im so sick of only seeing you like once in 2 months for a few hours#like i know it's not your fault and we're just growing up and in different directions but just please like five more minutes can you stay#i don't even have the confidence to say anything to her lol she's my only friend like if even she gets mad and leaves#but i know that's not how healthy relationships work. and ugh my sister is so fucking far away i can feel it everyday#in the 5 and a half hour time difference. i hate this i hate everyone everyone has to go so far away#i hate living in this empty fucking house and being responsible for my own emotions fuck this isse accha toh living with dad hi hai#atleast when im there there are only 2 emotions anxiety and boredom. now i have a whole house to myself to cry whenever I need#for however long i need in a locked room. really looking forward to adulting haha i can see just see myself succeeding so well🙄#man this is crazy im gonna go do jumping jacks or something so this comes and goes faster#umm#dni
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I just binge watched all 9 volumes of RWBY and I've found my newest obsession.
#and my newest ship#rwby#Yang is my favorite#why did it take me so long to watch this show? i remember it being all over my dash at some point#i was like 'who's the blonde and cat girl'?#which yes can refer to more than one show#and i love both ships#i want to hug all 4 members of team rwby#especially after v9 with all the emotional stuff that went on#haven't checked to see people's thoughts but im impressed they took an entire season to explore everyone's emotional state#to allow the characters to reflect on their choices and what's happened and what they should do next#or more who they want to be going forward#i was thinking i wanted stuff like this once they got to atlas and everything got even more intense#but i had no idea how they'd work character driven stories like that into an action packed season#love that they decided to put the plot on hold and allow the characters' stories to take center stage#the way this show could make me scream and cry and laugh every season#it's going in the vault
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🌸。*゚+. New Time icon psd make brain go brrrr
#MUN SPEAKING 🌸 ᴬ ʷᵉᵃᵛᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ᵗᵃˡᵉˢ; ᴾᵃⁱⁿᵗᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ˢᵗᵃʳˢ#Once again thank @theircurse for the lovely work~ gotta do Riku's too because I also have one for Riku c':#But that'll be another day. I haven't even done all of Link's and it took me-- *checks time* -- 5 hours to go through what I have now#because I have a TON of icons for him that I gathered from manga and doujins over the years LOL so uhhhh...#yeah I'm tired and wanna just go play Lies of P so imma do that :'D have a good day y'all!!
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i’m going to take it a step further. nico’s healing journey not involving will solace and/or a romantic partner would be a much better story
#not that you cannot love if you haven't healed or whatever#but you're telling me that the kid who was still pushing everyone away but a few weeks back (argo ii times) got into a relationship that#quickly after????? (fact check me but tsats made it seem like it was not that much after the end of boo)#would have loved to see months of nico settling into chb and opening up#nico at chb having friends to hang out with (jason always by his side. leo who lets him hang at baker nine when it all gets too overwhelming#at camp. piper who nudges him when will solace is caught staring. percy and annabeth who invite him to seat with them at campfires)#nico having a home at cj too. friends there too. (reyna who saves him a seat by her side for whenever he visits. frank who pulls out a#mythomaniac deck once and then they're meeting bimonthly to play.)#nico learning to let others know him. wanting to stay for once. and individual journey of him overcoming.#not even fully individual but him realising that AT LAST he has a support system. a place to rest. with people who want to see him happy.#and then only then complete the healing journey by fully allowing will in#his light at the end of the tunnel#<-- a jasico enjoyer writing about solangelo endgame anyways#nico can heal !!! i love that !!! i just don't think solangelo is necessarily a part of his healing
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I GOT COLDPLAY TICKETS
#which is wild considering that i was driving on the highway at the time#i kept having to pull over on the rumble strip to check my spot in the queue#got kicked out of the waiting room once. app signed me out?? didn't have data for a while in the middle of nowhere.#ended up stabbing randomly at my phone and buying Nice Luxury seats for an absurdly reasonable amount of money#i am VIBRATING#this is also the funniest possible time for me to see coldplay though#i hardly listen to them anymore. i finally retired the tattered viva la vida poster that had been on my wall for a decade#my music taste has moved on to pastures new and considerably more emo#i haven't listened to moon music yet because...uh..tbh i've heard it's not very good and after music of the spheres i didn't expect it to b#BUT this is something i've wanted since i was 15 and in a fit of conscientious pique *didn't even ask my parents*#if i could go see them on the mx tour. didn't even ask!!! as an adult that's wild to me.#they didn't even forbid me!! they almost certainly wouldn't have!! but we had extremely minor plans for that night already and i was like#'i cannot disappoint them'#so instead i sat there and sulked through the minor event!#baffling behavior on my part#but anyway! i have since been thwarted in seeing coldplay for TWELVE YEARS because they just haven't come anywhere near where i'm living#BUT NOW I'M GOING#this is like if most people my age had never gotten to see one direction or something as a teen#that's the level of obsession we're talking about and#also the level of 'mostly this is a gift to a past version of myself but also i will still cry'#personal
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I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.
#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to#place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like#LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee#so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of#people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take#a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM)#the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore#ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team#but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up#graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made#my adhd brain go WELL SHIT#ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do#love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving#people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt#but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel#amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou#life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i#just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive#but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present#and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now#on a positive note...#my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made#a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little#im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor#i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it#but damn it im tired#thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave#if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you#please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you
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what will i do once my cat dies?
#we already lost one cat. they aren't dead. they just.. left one day.#i kinda miss him#he was my mom's bestest friend#its weird though. when we couldn't find him i wasn't panicked or depressed...#i felt numb. like i couldn't feel anything for him or how he got lost#even now i kinda. care less than i want to#but we have another cat. the one that has been with us all this time#what will happen to me once she dies?#once i see her body lying down with no movement?#will she leave before that happens? because i kind of hope so#seeing her die might just break my heart in two#i'd rather suddenly never see her again than say goodbye to her knowing she's gone#...maybe it'll happen soon#we haven't brought her to the vet...#my mom said she was gonna take her to the vet one day#or more like. the vet would come here (to our house) and check her#she's not ill or anything#well. i hope she isn't#sorry i watched a vid of someone telling a story of how their cat died#and got a bit anxious#i'm just scared that i won't care once my cat dies#cw animal death#cw death mention
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dissociating at the gym is a great way to cope when you have a lot of nervous energy and/or emotions to process, but watch out bc sometimes the processing you need to do is cry
#i am still knocking loose emotions that haven't seen the light since 2017#it's weird. it's not bad. it's just. these emotional channels have been stopped up for ages and now i gotta flush the mold growing in em#also by “cry” i mean sit in the car n make kinda guttural noises because crying has never come easy to me and it's only gotten harder on T#OH YEAH that's the other thing#hitting two notches above my previous highest speed on the treadmill and then checking my heart rate and realizing it's not even that high#is such a mix of joy and frustration#it's like the fury I've heard adhd people describe when they finally get medicated and their brains stop fighting them#like yeah it's good but i wish it hadn't been so hard before#rrrrraaaaaaaaaagh!!!!#a few years ago before i transitioned or even really thought of it i was talking to a trans guy#who used to do a lot of welding. and he said something like. once he transitioned people stopped giving him shit/treating him like#he didn't belong in a welding shop#and it made him so angry he didn't want to weld anymore#which at the time i felt was kinda extreme. like if you love welding then who cares!#but. i kinda get it now. it's SO FUCKING INFURIATING to suddenly have things become easy#you kinda gotta take a minute!!!#(he did go back to welding btw)
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Life really has a way of accumulating all the worst possible events together in a very inconvenient span of time. Just a whole overwhelming procession of fat fucking Ls
#i don't expect anybody to read any of this#but maybe it helps to write it down#cheaper than therapy at least#clearly its a shitty time to be living in the US of A#though as a white boy I'm less affected by all the bullshit#still a soulrending bummer to go through that election#and then shortly after the dissolution of the only longterm relationship I've ever had#which is for the best all considered#cliched as it probably is to say it was hella toxic and incredibly hard to leave#but like when youre all in on someone and then it's over that's a hard thing to recover from#I'm still struggling to get over it months later#then my mom went to the hospital#sounds like she has cancer#tried my best to be there for her#be as much use as i could#and then my car starts fucking up on me#i don't know that i exactly can afford to fix it#but i kind of have to#and now i haven't seen my cat in like a day#and I've searched the whole house for her#i left food out but it's remained untouched#i checked outside#there's no paw prints in the snow anywhere around the house that i can see#I've checked under and behind anything i can#no sign of her#so i guess im just resigned to hoping she shows up of her own accord#then theres this creeping dread feeling that has been rising for years that all of the stupid hyperfixations that reliably bring me dopamine#are all just withering away somehow simultaneously. everything i love is on the decline and it all feels incredibly precarious#and i get that everything has to end eventually but why do i feel like all of my interests are all falling out of favor at once#everything is in falloff. the consensus is this is the low point for everything i care about even if i don't agree
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Temperate Lake Dashboard Simulator

🐦⬛2xcrested_cormorant Follow Going to try and eat this weird fish
♻️🐦⬛2xcrested_cormorant Follow wilmdlife hopital

🐸rana-bufo Follow No one can ever truly understand what BULL4rog's music means to me 😭 this song in particular argrgrgrgrgrg the way he puffs out his vocal sack asdfghjk
BULL4rog: listen here on spotify ♻️🐸rana-bufo Follow I think I huave chytrid

🐟ilikeeatingminnowsFollow I just migrated here from finstagram please be nice

🐠powerbottomfeeder Follow
I have HAD IT with this lake, it’s the third day in a row we’ve had nitrates above 8 ppm and uug the algae, my allergies I can’t do this
♻️🐟carpy-diem Follow
Lol we regularly get nitrates up to 20 ppm in my lake ♻️🦞crawdaddy Follow uhhh you shouldn't be bragging about that, it's really unsafe ♻️🐟carpy-diem Follow suck it you little oligotrophic bitch

🐢snappturt Follow Dear Tumblr, am I the Basshole for the way I catch minnows? I was chatting with some of the guys I bask with and they said the way I catch minnows is problematic; What I do is I sit on the bottom of the lake, I hide myself in the mud and I open my mouth. My tongue looks a lot like a little worm so I wiggle it around- and because of that, minnows swim over and check it out. Once they get close enough, then I bite down and eat them. Some of my rockmates have told me that this is manipulative and toxic behavior- but they also eat minnows...I don't know guys...

🦆tree hole-nester-acorn-eater Follow
is it just me, or is this super homoerotic???

🐟bigpikexxl Follow liveblogging diving down to the bottom
♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow dark
♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow big log
♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow rock
♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow kinda cold
♻️🐟bigpikexxl Follow oh hi @deepwatersculpin!!!
♻️🐠deepwatersculpin Follow oh hey @bigpikexxl!!!
never thought i'd seen one of my mutuals irl!!! I didn't even know we lived in the same lake!!!

🐠Shadlad Follow I'm not sorry, and I'm not afraid to say it, if you're an introduced species, go dry yourself out. You're not welcome to eat up all of our resources and live in my ancestral longs and rock crags. These things are for us to relate to and not for you to squander.
♻️🦞crevice-steve Follow
Can't believe this type of fishcourse is still popular on this site, introduced species didn't choose to be introduced and have as much of a right to live as anyone else. Bigotry against introduced species is still bigotry and that's a hill I will dry on. ♻️🐠Shadlad Follow Go ahead, dry yourself out then ;) ♻️🪷nootnootnewt Follow Hey man, I hate invasive species as much as anyone else but please stop telling people to beach themselves for political reasons- yeah that includes inavsives too ♻️🦐typical_scud Follow Did you legit just use the word Invas*ve to describe introduced species? ♻️🦢flatfootswimmer Follow anyone in this thread eat pondweed?

♻️🐟largemouthbASS Follow A colab with my mutual @2xcrested_cormorant after they got released from the wildlife hospital. They haven't been on much since the Fish and Wildlife Service released them in the wrong lake and it took them a while to get back to their colony. We hope this guide will help you avoid accidentally eating/engaging with bait!

#fishblr#fishposting#fake post#dashboard simulator#cw thalassophobia#thalassophobia#ecology#freshwater ecology#wood duck#walleye
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