#they have season 1 at the library
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faith having meaningless sex with xander by sheer proximity, and then immediately the next episode asking if buffy fucked him. when, again, she doesn’t care about him AND she ALREADY KNEW he was a virgin. but she had to check. like. just in case they overlap. especially with xander—a non threat—unlike angel, who she was unnerved and jealous of before she even met the guy. all she knew was that buffy cared. something something shaunajackie behavior except their personalities mirrored
i know. i KNOWWWW. it almost sounds like she's trying to convince buffy to fuck him, both because it would be a proxy for buffy fucking her and because then faith could be like well i fucked him FIRST so i win and i'm better than you ha ha. the way faith does not care about the men she has sex with at allllll and it's always either about using her sexuality to gain power or creating this image of herself as tough and carefree as a defense mechanism or her obsession/infatuation with buffy. and she wants so badly to believe that her way of doing things is right and superior to buffy's lifestyle because if she actually examines how hollow and deprived her life is then it will devastate her.
also whenever xander brings up him and faith boning and has like sad puppy dog eyes im like lol......dude.........this was literally never about you
#i havent seen yellowjackets yet but i will someday......#they have season 1 at the library#faith lehane#buffy summers#fuffy#xander harris#btvs
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making something (maybe)
#(hopefully)#hi. i accidentally disappeared for a bit.#the burnout got to me ngl#haven't done a single creative thing all week#i did make it to the library though#my book for feb was i'm glad my mom died#i don't usually read nonfic but. i enjoyed it. i mean#as much as you can enjoy a book with that kind of subject matter#i read it in about a day. mostly in one sitting#i've gotten a head start on my march book & i'm genuinely almost regretting my pick#like. it's a compelling read & it's written in such a way that i want to know what happens but#it's fucking horrific. rarely do i need to put a book down & have a break but. i have done so several times w this book#i'm determined to finish it though. i need to know if there's like. a point to the horrors i'm experiencing or not#uhh i did also go dvd hunting#i found season 1 & season 2 of ATLA which were cool finds#i did find them at two different thrift stores which i thought was kinda funny#i'm probably gonna watch the new live action later but idk#n e way#rainyrambles
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Castlevania is interesting but tell my why we get three episodes of internal conflict in the dracula castle (good) while the main characters are on a library and do fuck all. Well they have three scenes of relationship building that are supposed to mean something when they come out but they are so little and superficial imo
#and why the hell was season 1 four episodes#alucard and trevor hating each other is understandable but the resolution is fuck all and do not get me started on sypha and trevor#or sypha and alcuard. also sypha talks like she is supposed to reveal their inner workings and thats so bad.....#trevor and alucard are teens stuck in men bodies so they dont get along ok. can i know why....#also they were laughing and joking in gresit so what happened all of the sudden. the library is no excuse bc alucard knew who trevor was#idk man. its such a nothing burger. sypha and trevor relationship comes out of thin air wdym youre the best. since when are you being honest#am i going to blame this on a short episode count and also short episodes. yeah maybe. plague upon the earth#but them stuck in the library for three episodes and doing fuck all is just.... why#also dracula your war council is WHACK#get better fighters what is thus#also why is alucard a wolf. and hus flying sword. i an sure it is explained in the games but hello can i know why#why are we fighting in the study....#you know maybe i dont care bc alucard killing his father was very good. wish it made me care about trevor or sypha#and the dialogue wasnt so cringe sometimes#i respect sypha's two boyfriends grind i do. by god she will make them get along#wished i cared more.....#sypha telling them how they have grown as characters.... stop.....#hector has been kept as a pet noooo.....#not his face carmilla.... thats his biggest asset....#girl are you making marriage bows on the wagon after a week??? girl..... did he suddenly stop smelling like piss bc he sure didnt bathe#dont you worry ablut feeling lonely alucard im on my way.... if you will have me bc i am not sure about that yet but i will try alas#that last cry was just a little treat bc damn#you know alucard and dracula are the thing here and they dont even talk until the end.... travis and sypha on the other hand....#talking tag#watching castlevania
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A DEREK SHEPHERD GIRLY i knew i could trust you 😌
yes!!!! i've been a derek sheperd girl since i was thirteen haha i think he was the first tv character i ever truly obsessed over. season three derek sheperd lives rent free in my mind 😌 he is The Blueprint
#i have very fond memories of watching seasons 1-8 on dvds i rented from the library with my mom#and running faster in summer gym class (taken voluntarily to avoid having to do swimming and then go to real classes after lol)#just to get home faster to watch more episodes#ad1thi#answered asks#grey's anatomy ended before he died btw#he's happy with meredith and their three kids
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Steve has always had an affinity for water. The pool in the backyard was as much a gift to him as it was something for his parents to brag about; the heated waters welcomed him year-round, like the embrace his parents wouldn't give him. He sometimes thinks he has spent more time by the pool than he has done inside the house.
He never expected the water to respond to him.
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Nancy has only viewed fire as a tool, something to light candles, and cook food. She's familiar with the warmth of her parents hugging her, the warmth in her chest when her younger siblings achieve something. And she can wield her pen with a passion only likened to how fire consumes.
She didn't think her fear and rage would ever burst into sparks.
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Jonathan has tried to be a cliff for his mum, and for Will, for as long as he can remember. A steady presence to ground them when things are rough, with Lonnie, with school, with anything. He thinks things through unless his family is involved; then everything inside him rushes like an avalanche.
He barely notices the rocks tumbling alongside him in his single-mindedness.
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Robin has always felt out of place, in her family, in school, in Hawkins. She wants to see the world, find somewhere she fits in, wants to find change instead of forcing herself into a mould. There's pressure in trying to melt in and adapt when the norm is the opposite of your truth.
She isn't all that surprised when the mud bursts like her words.
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Eddie never shies away from being himself, from being loud, from being brash. He wants to be heard, with his words, with his movements, with his music. There's a rush to be found in doing what he wants. And he knows how to fill a room just with his presence, knows how to bring a sense of family to the people who need it. But he can appreciate the quiet too, the moments with his uncle, the moments with a new song. He doesn't have to be loud to be known.
He shapes the wind as easily as he plays the guitar.
#steve harrington#nancy wheeler#jonathan byers#robin buckley#eddie munson#sorry argyle i do not know what element fits you#could not figure out how to fit in that steve ends up with ice more often than water ):#did i do the earth puns on purpose. i will never tell.#robin is water but i liked the idea that it starts out with mud#robin and eddie are more accepting because the elemental powers come after an introduction to the upside down#for steve it's the day after the party in season 1#for nancy it's also early season 1 but i'm less sure when#for jonathan i was thinking when he's going through the forest with his camera#robin is sometime after the mall burnt down#and eddie is the concert in the upside down#(okay yes i'm being loose with 'introduction to the upside down'. but it's about the energy from the other dimension#so like places where portals have been)#my fiction library#benders of hawkins#<- i can't think of a better au name right now
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Moon girlfriend pog win I’m half-asleep
#I'm on the Zuko-Aang side quest episode#i love all the zuko episodes a lot but I miss Iroh in this part of the show#since nobody asked my least favorite part of the show is when the kids are in Ba Sing Se#nothing's wrong with it but I like when they're traveling from place to place a lot more#and I do like Iroh and Zuko in Ba Sing Se just not the gaang idk#personal#i have no idea why or how to explain it bc I've seen a ton of ppl say they love it#i really love the season 1 finale#I like the library episode and the first air temple one a ton#i love the one where Toph and Iroh meet and I like The Chase#season 2 finale is good#season 3 finale is pretty okay i guess i like the journey more than the destination lmao#SECRET TUNNNNEEELl#rant#oh and I also like the painted lady episode#but I LOVE THE BLUE SPIRIT#i hate jet#i like the stuff in the fire nation but after a certain point it starts to feel super rushed#which is fine but i just wish there was more...#i think we coulda done for more time with Katara and Aang bc I guess I never really bought it#Katara feels too old for him and she seems to dislike him a lot at times but I understand that he matures and that they're good together#i'm glad they didn't do paired spares#yeah
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good evening "nedlittle" was a 12-year sociological study conducted by harvard university. we are now complete with our study, thank you for your time.
#i'm coming out as a 56-year old stockbroker from missouri named clarence#i HATE lighthouses and have NEVER even heard of season 1 of amc's cult tv series the terror#i LOVE defunding public libraries and the mcu#this is a pointless text post
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How am I supposed to just get back to normal life now?
#liveblogging#this is mostly a shitpost#my little gremlin writer's brain is already working out fic plots#but my dad said that now i can watch other shows#what if i dont *want* to watch other shows what if i want to watch *this* show *again*#ive already requested the book from the library#(ive also put in a request for season 1 of gunsmoke)#(but it might be Too Soon)#im really not sure what to do with myself now#i have been fundementally and irrevocably changed by this show
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I'm still crying 😠
#this is the kind of blow that would have made me actively suicidal a few years ago and yes i realize how stupid that is#as things are now... I'm not coping *well* but I'm managing to hold onto anger so the depression doesn't totally take over#but i can not stop crying#every time i think I'm finally done it starts up again#this has also pushed my anxiety to the point where i feel like I'm going to pass out throw up or both and i can't stop shaking#audiobooks with my noise canceling headphones were my best/only semi-effective tool for dealing with anxiety#and yes i know. reading is a privilege and i should just be grateful that books are available in my country & that we have libraries at all#this year has been one thing after another and even small things like this pile up and eventually become overwhelming#and this happening as my seasonal depression is really ramping up was just the fucking cherry on top i guess#i almost just. deleted this blog lmao. what's the point of having a book blog when i can't really read right?#but i keep telling myself nothing lasts forever and i will regret it if i throw away an 8 year old side blog#but even looking at books is making me feel even more nauseous and shaky right now#so i might be on hiatus after my queue runs out idk#depends on how long this churning pit of despair lasts i guess#and also. this happened at a holiday weekend all i can't even make a 1-2 hour drive to a library to renew or get a new card#because libraries around here close between 4 & 6PM most days and i can't get to one after my partner gets home from work before they close#everything about this situation is like. worst timing.
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feel like pure shit, going to rewatch pride and prejudice 2005 just to feel something
#also i watched all of satc season 1 yesterday ⚰️#ahhhhh#i have but im a cheerleader from the library and i need to watch it#also the virgin suicides novel#need to read/watch those two before i leave to return them#but first 🫡 p&p 2005 to feel something again#^^
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just finished recording nutcracker babeyyy
#eventually I will make my semi legal digital library available to all!#If I bought the DVD I should be able to watch it anytime I want anywhere I want#and that includes making digital copies to put on my tablet#or you know in case something happens to my fucking DVD#considering season 1 volume 1 of BF5 only works when it wants to#And you can't watch individual episodes you have to watch the whole disc from start to finish without pausing#except junkyard dogged you can watch junkyard dogged separately but none of the other episodes on that disc!#Don't ask me why it works that way but I was one of the first bitches I recorded 😂#and listen Netflix you can't keep the DVDs of over the moon and Leo from me I will get them I got the mitchells and vivo!!
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wow holy shit, didn't even have dr who on my list of fandoms. I used to be primarily a dr who blog!!
#rain chats#anyways let's see if i actually get back into dr who from this#i have to watch series 10-13#still only on 1 for my actual classic who watch (watched a handful of eps across all seasons but didn't actually watch it linearly)#also i want to see what eu stuff i can get from my library apps#honestly part of the reason i haven't gotten back into it is that it can very easily take over my life again for at least a year#i used to be a fucking dr who encyclopedia!!!!
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Ahhhh! I suggested a title for purchase and the library's actually buying it! WALKER: INDEPENDENCE I WILL SEE YOU YET.
#I would think multiple patrons have to request an item before they pull the trigger if it wasn't already on their purchase list#but it happened QUITE quickly after I submitted my interest soooo who knows#on a related exciting note: I am probably going to get it for Christmas regardless but#the library is ALSO buying the Loki season 1 blu-ray which is so beyond what I thought possible I am losing my mind
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Exploring How Toph Beifong Could Be Played By A Blind Actress and Refuting Reasons Some People Believe She Couldn’t
[Image Description: Toph Beifong from Avatar: The Last Airbender. She is waving her hand in front of her face after joking that she spotted the great library, tricking the Gaang only to remind them that she is blind. She rides on Appa who is flying above a desert landscape. End I.D.]
The live-action adaptation of season 2 of Avatar: The Last Airbender is underway. This means people are discussing Toph again, much like they did during pre-production of season 1. I have seen and even participated in promoting the idea of Toph being portrayed by a blind actress. Similarly, I have come across push-back against the idea.
Instead of if Toph Should Be Portrayed by a Blind Actress, Let’s Focus on How She Could
(should and could are bolded for emphasis)
This post will address common misconceptions that serve as barriers to the idea of a blind actress portraying Toph.
A Few Notes Before We Start
These points come from posts on online forums, YouTube comments on videos related to the casting of Toph, and tumblr posts. No one will be specifically called out here, as while these points may be attributed to certain individuals online, they represent much wider views that are shared by many, even without malicious intent. These common misconceptions stem from unchecked ableism and general lack of information. Keep in mind that my intention is not to call out any individual person, as ableism is a widespread, collective problem. The reasons I refuted in this post showed up repeatedly and were not isolated opinions of one or two people.
1. No, it would not be too difficult to find an actress who is Asian, blind, and the right age
[Image Description: Toph as The Blind Bandit uses earthbending to create three pillars of rock that shoot at an angle from the ground and smash into her opponent, throwing him against the arena wall. End I.D.]
This point suggests that it is difficult to find candidates fitting Toph’s description. I suspect this is due to racism and ableism, in that a white and abled person is considered default and therefore believed to be more common, especially by Western studio standards. This is not truly the case. People of color and disabled people are auditioning, especially for the comparatively few roles that seek them out specifically, such as Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Blind Asian people exist. Some of these people are also actresses. Some have backgrounds in dance or martial arts, especially because many actors do similar activities to increase endurance and versatility. Finding a pre-teen or teenager to play Toph would not be as challenging as many people believe, especially those who already underestimate the amount of blind people in the world and their abilities.
Those who argue this point may be under the impression that a blind actress would be out of reach due to low numbers and lack of interest in auditioning. Blind people are auditioning. The reason you don’t see them on screen is because most of them are ignored in favor of abled actors. For example, in this video, Molly Burke discusses not being chosen to play a blind character whom she was told was based on her own life. The actress chosen to play the character was not blind. You can watch it here.
Additionally, Netflix has the ability to hold a widespread casting call. They are not a tiny studio doing productions in someone’s backyard. They have access to a wider pool of actresses than the average person might think, particularly if said person is not familiar with the resources big studios often have at their disposal.
In fact, Netflix is doing just that. Below is a link to their casting call, which encourages blind and low vision actresses to audition.
Link to casting call here with alt text.
2. Some people believe Toph isn’t really blind and therefore the actress who plays her needs to be able to see
[Image Description: Toph as The Blind Bandit using bending, with shots showing her hands and feet. As her bare foot slides sideways across the ground, the camera zooms out to show her sensing vibrations. The image turns greyscale, with circles of white vibrations emanating from around Toph’s body, where they expand and flow outward. End I.D.]
The rationale behind this is probably the same as it is for Daredevil, meaning some don’t consider Toph to be blind because of the way she uses her bending.
An argument could be made that Toph’s powers erase her blindness or that her powerful abilities make her less relatable to the average blind person. However, I suspect that many sighted people engaging with these discussions of Toph’s casting are not also concerned with questions of erasure or relatability. In discussions questioning her blindness, the evidence given mostly centers on Toph’s physical abilities rather than relatability to real blind people.
Her bending aside, Toph is certainly blind. She experiences ableism from her parents and general community. Blindness shaped her life in a lot of ways, even with her bending, which is also influenced by her disability.
We see Toph being guided while running on the airship, needing assistance while walking on ice, and struggling to travel in a desert. She uses her other senses, including hearing and tactile senses. She has limitations regarding how she is able to interact with an unaccommodating world, such as inaccessible reading and writing systems.
There are also lifestyle and cultural implications of blindness extending beyond the inability to see. Being blind is not only about what one can and cannot do, which is true of Toph’s experience as well. Blind people may have different values, experiences with family and friends, different senses of humor, or may place higher value on other sensory experiences compared to sighted peers.
Whether or not Toph is good blindness representation can be argued. However, she is still a blind character. Her blindness influences her whole life, even as she is more than her blindness at the same time. Her life as a blind person is about more than limitations and abilities. Reducing her, and any blind person, for that matter, to only these facets of her experience oversimplifies what it is like to be a blind person.
Claiming that she isn’t a blind character because of her ability to do x, y, and z can be incorrect for a lot of reasons.
Blind people are more than what we can do or what we produce. Our experiences are rich and varied. Our lives are inherently meaningful no matter our abilities or limitations. It is both ableist and inaccurate for sighted people to attempt to put us all into boxes.
Additionally, blindness is a spectrum. [Bolded for emphasis.] You can read about it at the following posts on my blog:
here
here
here
and here.
Here is a good list of legally blind YouTubers with various types of visual experiences.
According to various sources on the blindness spectrum, about 85% to 95% of blind people have some remaining vision:
93% according to RNIB
This Perkins School For the Blind fact sheet estimates about 90 to 95% of blind have some remaining vision
American Foundation for the Blind estimates about 15% of blind people are totally blind and discusses the spectrum of blindness here
The spectrum of blindness is important because our experiences become even more diverse when the spectrum is considered. This means that assumptions about what we can and cannot do become even harder for sighted folks to guess accurately.
This accuracy is important if sighted people are going to try to put limitations on blind people, which they have no business doing anyway. They are not the authority on what blind people can do, what we cannot do, or what is good for us. Only blind people can answer that for themselves.
Lastly, blind people are already used to navigating and interacting with their surroundings. They have had anywhere from months to a lifetime of experience, which would translate better to Toph’s ease with her blindness and confidence in her bending.
While an actor wearing contacts to obscure their vision might stumble around and have difficulty on set, someone who is actually blind could lend Toph’s character a much more relaxed, confident attitude in addition to possessing experience navigating in a way that works for her. She is used to being blind. Therefore, an actress who is also used to being blind brings a lot to the performance in terms of physicality, attitude, and the ability to focus on portraying the character, rather than simulating blindness.
Which leads me into the next point.
3. The idea that Toph doesn’t move like a blind person relies on stereotypes of blind people
[Image Description: A GIF from the episode “The Runaway”. Toph, Sokka, and Aang all con some con artists and cheer after their victory, Toph raising her arms high before snatching the prizes. They all run away. End I.D.]
There is no specific way of moving like a blind person. Like sighted people, the way blind people move may be influenced by many factors, such as level of vision, how long they have been blind, their mobility aid, navigation techniques, familiarity with their environment, level of confidence, feelings of safety, other disabilities, energy levels, cultural factors, and more.
While there are mannerisms that are recognizable to blind communities, there is no one way to move like a blind person. Just as there is no one way to look blind.
The ideas of “not moving like a blind person” or “not looking blind” come from stereotypes of blindness. In fact, these ideas can be so pervasive that blind people who don’t fit stereotypes may be accused of faking. I explore this subject here.
In this video, Sam from The Blind Life discusses the experience of performing blindness or being pressured to act more blind than he is. Link here. He explains while he has some vision, he uses his cane to indicate to others that he is blind. This is one of the main functions of a cane. Sam explains feeling pressure to adhere to certain stereotypes about blindness or risk being accused of faking.
Similarly, in this video linked here, Molly Burke discusses the stereotype that blind people’s eyes look noticeably different from sighted eyes. This includes the inaccurate belief that all blind people have cloudy eyes, blank eyes, eyes that are always closed, or eyes that simply must be covered in dark sunglasses to protect the sensibilities of sighted people. Molly explains that while blind people can certainly have these attributes, not all of us do. Molly laments that the phrase, “You don’t look blind,” is either used to invalidate her or to praise her for passing as a sighted person, which is ableist.
Just as blind people don’t look the same way, we don’t move the exact same ways either. That applies to Toph as well. For example, she prefers to keep her feet on solid ground for bending purposes, orientation, and possibly due to cultural factors valuing stability and connection to the earth.
4. The idea that accommodations would be impossible to provide is rooted in ableism
[Image description: A GIF of Toph and Zuko sitting beside each other on the floor at the Ember Island theatre episode. Toph punches Zuko’s arm. Metaphorically for the purposes of this post, she is punching ableist ideas that have nothing to do with Zuko. End I.D]
Here is a thread I shared in the early days of this blog, wherein the topics of blind actors and accommodations are discussed. The entire thread might also be helpful for this post, as I explore the same points, which shows how common these misconceptions are. While this may seem to be an isolated online disagreement, none of these arguments are new. That is why I believe this topic is important— these arguments about accommodations being too difficult or a burden on others also pop up in conversations about other workforces and other disabilities.
A blind character not being played by a blind actor is one thing. A blind person not being hired for a job they are qualified for due to resistance to providing accommodations is not so easy to ignore, not so seemingly isolated a concern. These barriers don’t only apply to blind actors looking for work. They apply to all blind people looking for work.
That means most of this isn’t really about Toph, nor the opinions of random people online. Instead, I hope to highlight common patterns in ableist thinking and dispel these ideas using a character people care about. This is, of course, in addition to my own desire to have a blind actress play Toph.
With that said, let’s explore what work accommodations might look like using examples of blind actors.
Dionne Quan is a blind actress who has an extensive filmography for voiceover work, including popular characters such as Kimi from Rugrats. In this article from when the character was first introduced, she discusses how she performs. Link.
Quote from the article: “Most of the recording was done in a studio with just a mike and a stand for the script. I had the lines in braille, and I would read them on the way over to get into character. You have to have your bag of tricks ready to go.”
Most of the work Quan discusses involves typical acting stuff. The accommodations given to her are similar to adaptations that might be made in an office setting. Additionally, with all the technology available now, it is easy to make a script accessible through large print, VoiceOver and memorization, Word document instead of a PDF, a Braille display, etc.
And as of August 2024, Quan can add adult Toph Beifong to her list of characters. Which is super exciting and, I thought, an appropriate fact to include in this post. You can read more here.
To continue the discussion of accommodations for actors, I would like to discuss Ellie Wallwork. Wallwork is a blind actress who has performed on Doctor Who.
She describes her experiences on set, such as blocking scenes and using tactile accommodations in this short video from the SeeSaw podcast. Link here.
Transcript:
Elie Wallwork speaking:
“Obviously, markers are just normally flat bits of tape on the floor. I had to have some sort of tactile ones so I knew where I was stepping onto. And it takes longer. It definitely takes a bit longer. I guess the thing that frustrates me about the industry is that sometimes casting directors will think, ‘Well, how could a blind person possibly do this, do that? How could they do stunts? How could they even navigate around set?’ But it’s perfectly possible if you— for example, with the crew that I had on all the productions I’ve been on, they’ve all been really kind, really patient with me and able to understand that, yeah, okay, it might take me five minutes longer to block a scene, but that’s fine because it means it’s authentic.”
End transcript.
You can listen to the full episode here.
Lastly, I find that many sighted people are not generally knowledgeable when it pertains to what blind people can or cannot do. Examples of this lack of knowledge include frequent questions about how blind people read, exist in online spaces, cook, etc—and these are simply from posts on my own blog.
Here is a link to a discussion thread that explores ableist assumptions people often make what blind people are or are not able to do. It particularly relevant for this topic. Link can be found here. Please remember that while I did respond to some folks who expressed opinions colored by ableist assumptions, that post is not about them. Just as this post is about addressing ableism in general rather than from a specific source.
The point is: consider why abled people are so comfortable stating what blind people can and cannot do, when one of the most common questions about blindness is still “how do you use a phone or the internet?”
People who aren’t blind often fail to grasp what our limitations actually are. Many people are still surprised to learn that technology or accommodations exist for us, despite having access to various forms of technology themselves. They struggle to understand that we can live our daily lives, possibly because they personally cannot imagine themselves without the vision they rely on, such as that time a professor asked blind content creator Stephanie Renburg [quote] “How do you live?” when the conversation was supposed to be about school accommodations [Link here].
This brings me to an assertion that is often made when sighted actors obscure their vision in order to play blind characters. It is often noted that it was too hard for them emotionally, mentally, and physically. Because of this reaction, the assumption is made that a blind person cannot possibly perform the role.
For example, in the article linked here, this is stated about Jamie Foxx in his role as Ray Charles. “Some actors, including Jamie Foxx as Ray Charles in “Ray” (2004, best actor) and Blake Lively in “All I See Is You” (2017), have chosen to wear ocular prosthetics, rendering them literally blind during their performances. But this creates a new problem: Unlike real blind people, who can spend years honing their orientation and mobility skills, the blindfolded sighted person becomes lost, confused and frightened with the sudden loss of sight — Foxx told interviewers he began hyperventilating as soon as his eyes were glued shut with the custom prosthetic eyelids that the filmmakers affixed over his eyes.”
Being blind is different from a sighted person temporarily obscuring their vision. Blind people have a better handle on being blind because we’ve been doing it longer. Blindness is part of our lives. Of course blind people are going to have an easier time portraying blind characters. This means most of the concerns people bring up when discussing sighted actors struggling with being unable to see won’t actually apply to blind people who have been at this for far longer.
I also wanted to address the idea that hiring blind actors would cost more, according to the assertion made in that thread about hiring blind actors, which you can read here if you haven’t already. While I can understand why someone might believe hiring a blind actor would cost more, I believe it would actually cost less.
Blind actors can use their own canes or other assistive devices used by the character, which saves money on expensive materials
Blind actors likely already have experience with O&M training, saving money and time that would otherwise be spent training a sighted actor, such as described here
Blind actors don’t need contacts or prosthetics, which may otherwise be used help an actor simulate blindness
And blind actors would have an easier time navigating sets, dancing, or doing required physical activities while blind, which reduces the learning curve that sighted actors with obscured vision need
A few Disclaimers:
1) Blind people learn from our communities and through life experience. While we naturally have more experience being blind, our knowledge is enhanced through learning from other blind people and participating in training designed to improve our life skills. I maintain that a sighted person obscuring their vision for a few hours will not have the same level of experience.
2) Reminder that blindness is a spectrum that a blindfold cannot replicate.
and 3) This post is not to say that sighted actors cannot do well or cannot put effort into their performance. According to the article above, Charlie Cox won an award from the AFB for his commitment to portraying Daredevil. However, just because there are sighted actors willing to put in the work does not mean blind actors can’t. I wanted to include this disclaimer in case someone sees the AFB article I shared and worried I’m trying to disparage actors who have already portrayed blind characters and happened to do a good job. After all, I love the original performance we received from Michaela Murphy, who originally voiced Toph. That doesn’t mean studios should not make an effort to cast more blind actors moving forward, nor does it justify any of the silly or explicitly ableist reasons people give for why sighted actors must be chosen over blind ones.
Let us return to refuting those excuses with the last thing I wanted to address.
5. Some people are concerned that a blind person might get hurt doing martial arts, but so can literally anyone else
[Image description: GIF of Toph dressed in Fire Nation attire. She punches through a rock.]
Kids can get hurt in any kind of sport, yet society doesn’t try to keep children from these activities for their own safety. However, disabled kids—and adults for that matter—are often reminded that we are being kept out of spaces for our own protection. Which we didn’t need, nor ask for.
This need to protect disabled people can be not only infantilizing, but hypocritical as well. For example, a blind person might be discouraged from playing recreational sports in a misguided attempt to protect them. Conversely, structures that keep blind people at risk are allowed to stay firmly in place, such as discrimination around transportation, inaccessible infrastructure, and poverty.
Blind people play sports anyway. Often, these sports carry their own risks of injury, as most sports do. Blind people have the agency to understand this and consent to it. Examples include blind football [link] and goalball [link].
Here is a video of Sadi the Blind Lady discussing goalball with Eliana Mason, a Paralympic athlete who plays goalball professionally.
Transcript: “Goalball is sport for blind and visually impaired athletes. It was created after World War II for blinded veterans and is now a Paralympic sport. The coolest thing about it is that everyone wears eyeshades so no matter what your level of vision loss is—because blindness is a spectrum— it equalizes it. The ball has bells in it and the court is straight with tape over it. It’s on a volleyball sized court. It’s three on three. And basically in offense, we are throwing the ball as hard as we can with a lot of technique involved, about 30 to 45 miles an hour to have it hit the ground and roll and hit the other players on their bodies. And on defense, you are throwing your body out and diving in front of this 3 pound ball and blocking it. So essentially you want to get hit with the ball.”
End transcript.
Getting hit with a ball, especially in the face or stomach area, is going to hurt. That is okay, because as long as safety precautions are taken, pain might be part of the experience depending on the rules and anticipated possibility of injury.
Martial arts and dance, which are backgrounds sought specifically in the Netflix Toph casting call, can also lead to accepted forms of pain or discomfort. While one could argue that sports injuries could and should be preventable, this post is more concerned with the expectation of pain, injuries, and what steps are taken to prevent them, such as protective gear or an experienced coach / teacher.
A blind person auditioning for Toph knows that martial arts will be involved. She will spend time learning choreography, building trust with co-actors, and figuring out works best for her. This structure is similar for blind people playing football or goalball or tennis or fencing or whatever else they want to do.
Lastly, people who aren’t blind also experience pain or injury during sports. Same with martial arts or dance.
The actress who plays Toph might get hurt. She might not. Some pain might even be an expected part of training. That is no reason to exclude a blind person from participating. That is no reason to say Toph couldn’t be played by a blind actress. [Bolded for emphasis]
Lastly, anyone training actors on fight choreography already knows how to do so safely. That fact that this is choreography is also helpful, allowing for memorization of actions and reactions. Conversely, the sports and physical activities I listed above are not choreographed, with the exception of dance, and are therefore less predictable. Therefore, if blind people can get head injuries playing on a recreational blind football team, a blind actress can handle fight choreography.
Closing
Thank you for reading all of this. My points still stand whether or not a blind person is actually cast for Toph.
Too Long, Didn’t Read:
Unchecked ableism can lead to oppression even if it is unintentional
Blind actors exist
A blind actor would better capture Toph’s ease and confidence with her blindness
Blind people can do a lot more than sighted people usually think they can
Blind people also face discrimination and limitations that sighted people may not have considered
Blindness is a spectrum and most blind people can still see something
There is no one way to look or move like a blind person
Accommodations are not that difficult to provide
Hiring a blind person would actually cost less money
Most of the popular reasons people believe Toph cannot be played by a blind actress are rooted in ableism
This post is not only about Toph or actors, but an example of how unchecked ableism can be harmful
For example, low employment rates for blind people, inaccessible online resources, or Toph-related posts shared without image descriptions
Toph Beifong could totally be played by a blind actress
#blind#atla toph#toph beifong#atla#netflix atla#netflix avatar#Toph Beifong casting Netflix#ableism#blind characters
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Sweeter Than Fiction ༊*·˚
18+ MDNI !!!
Pairing: Spencer Reid x F! Reader / You
Summary: Kinktober 2024 Day 7 - Queening / Face-sitting. Spencer meets Reader when she starts working at his local library and he's quickly in over his head. After he goes snooping for information on her online, he finds out a dirty little secret, she writes fanfiction.
Tags: Face-sitting, Oral sex (f receiving), Fantasies, Masturbation, Pining, Friends to lovers, Love confessions, Sub!Spencer, Autistic!Spencer (implied ig?), Both Spencer and Reader are NERDS, Set somewhere between seasons 1-3.
Word count: 4.6k
Read it on ao3! | Masterlist
Authors note: Surprise!! I changed a couple things on my kinktober due to lack of inspiration so here's an unexpected extra Spencer fic!! This is soooo long and the plot is so self-indulgent and ughhh but he eats you out so...!! Hope you like it anyway mwah ( ◕◡◕)っ ♡
︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶
Spencer had never felt like this before, he hadn’t really had the chance to. Crushes had never really been his thing, having been significantly younger than his peers all throughout his education and being staunchly focused on his career ever since. He had physical attractions here and there, like an occasional reminder that he really was just a fallible human man as much as anyone else, but never any true feelings, nothing he ever wanted to try to pursue in a serious way. It wasn’t simple for him like it was for someone like Morgan, in many senses of the word. Not only was he just not socially skilled enough to pursue relationships, whether casual or otherwise, with any success, he also had a large set of difficulties that he would carry into any relationship. He was quite touch averse, not that he didn’t desperately crave it all the same, which could easily cause issues in any physical relationship. He also had a lot of emotional baggage, from his mother, from his job, from his bullying. He felt a mess emotionally and didn’t see the point in trying to bring in another person to see the mess in all its glory. So he kept to himself. He wasn’t completely without experience, but every experience he’d had was marred with difficulty and complication, none of it ever lasted. He was reasonably content to keep to himself.
Until he met you. He’d been visiting the library nearest his apartment since he moved to D.C. for work. One day he walked in and you were sitting behind the desk, all bright-eyed and excited. The attraction to you had been immediate, he’d found you to be beautiful, he liked the way you dressed, and he liked your sweet voice as you spoke to the customer in front of you. He thought it would end there, that he would silently find you attractive from afar but remained more focused on other things. Cursed to stammer nervously at you whenever you scanned his books, but never say more than necessary. For a long time, that’s all it was, until he was taking out a book that, unbeknownst to him, was a big favourite of yours.
“Oh my goodness, my favourite” you chuckle as you pick up the book from his pile. “This book is amazing, you’ll love it, I’m sure,” you smile brightly as you scan it onto his card. His fingers twitch where he rests them on the edge of the wooden counter. He hadn’t been prepared to talk to you, but it’s nicer than most things that catch him unprepared.
“Y-yeah? Uh… great,” he swallows, drumming his fingers on the counter as you scan the rest of his books, mostly textbooks.
“Well, if you have any taste that is,” you tease. He laughs back stiffly, his mouth feeling dry.
“I uh… like to think I do…” he smiles awkwardly.
“You’ll have to tell me what you thought of it,” you hand him the books and his brain blanks for a moment. You’re inviting him to speak to you some other time, to have an actual conversation. He moves jerkily, taking the books from you and packing them into his satchel. You smile kindly and wave to him as he leaves. “See you soon,”
The way his mind is spinning from that simple conversation, he knows that this is something different. He collapses onto a bench outside the library, taking a deep breath. Why is his heart racing? Is this what butterflies feel like? He rubs a hand through his hair, messing it up. When the anxiety fades away, he’s left with a warm feeling in his chest. You want to speak to him again. He flips open his satchel and pulls out the book you’d said was your favourite. It’s classic literature, something he’s been meaning to read for a long time now, but has somehow never gotten around to. He devours the book in mere minutes, thanks to his impressive reading speed. It’s an amazingly compelling tale, with feminist undertones that were ahead of their time and he feels he understands you just a little better by knowing you like this book. He packs it back into his satchel and stands, heading back into the library. The queue to your desk is a few people long, but he joins it anyway, fiddling with the strap of his bag. You don’t make much small talk with the people in front of him in the line, making it feel all the more special that you’d spoken to him. He reaches the front and you smile, but tilt your head in confusion.
“Forget something?”
“The book was great,” he blurts, and you look even more confused.
“What?”
“The book, the one you said was your favourite, it was phenomenal, and surprisingly progressive for its time! Having those sorts of sentiments about a woman's role in a marriage in the 18th century, while seeming slightly archaic by today's standards, must have caused quite a stir at the time, especially coming from a female author. British law in 1764 actually suggested that women–” he doesn’t realise he’s rambling until you cut him off.
“Hold on, you read it already?” you look disbelieving. He smiles sheepishly. “I only lent it to you, what?” you glance at the clock on your desktop screen. “15 minutes ago,”
“I can read very fast,” he mumbles, looking at the scuff on the toe of his shoe for a moment. You giggle.
“Yeah, clearly,” you study his face. He goes quiet, eyes flickering over the small decorations you had scattered across your desk as a means of personalising your space. “You were saying?” you prompted softly. He looked up at you in wonder, no one had ever requested he resumes an info dump, usually, he was told to shut up and looked weird, but you seemed to wait with genuine interest. Perhaps that was the moment that he was well and truly done for. He steps aside so that the person behind him in the line can get their books scanned. He talks at you for almost a whole hour, getting lost in tangent after tangent as you work. You occasionally pipe in to ask a question or make a comment, but you seem happy to listen. Suddenly, your already beautiful appearance becomes more like that of an angel or a goddess to him. He’s never wanted something so bad in his life. He leaves the library after you excuse yourself for your lunch break. Once he gets home, he sits down on his couch, smiling dopily. Then, it slowly dawns on him that he’d just stood there and rattled on about various topics that he had no clue if you even had any interest in. He buries his face in his hands and groans. Has he already ruined things with the first person he’s ever felt anything genuine for? It was bound to happen eventually, but this soon? He goes to bed miserable that night.
Fortunately, his misery had been for nothing. The next time he visits the library, you’re there, all smiles at him like usual. When he comes to return his previous book haul (yes, maybe he hasn’t used the returns box since you started working here, what of it?), you greet him, asking if he has any more facts for you. At first, he thinks you’re mocking him, but the genuine smile you give tells him otherwise. He scrambles through his mind for something interesting to tell you, feeling less than a genius at this moment. He settles to ask what your favourite animal is, then spends the next several minutes telling you all the nichest information about that animal he could think of. This time, you start to talk too, though instead of spewing facts, you’re telling him personal anecdotes, or about new books the library has got in. The next several times he comes in, you end up talking for long periods of time. You never interrupt him when he rambles and in return he allows you to ramble too, not bothered by the slightest if he has to listen to you for hours. He’d do it happily. Things escalate over time, and he realises the two of you have truly become friends. The thought excites him, as he is closer to the object of his affection, but also because he doesn’t have all that many friends outside of his work. With you, he has somebody to talk books with, and that means the world to him. You text daily, though they’re not particularly long conversations, just whenever something comes up that you think might interest the other. You’d originally given him your email address and he’d explained that he didn’t use email. He felt completely silly, but you’d just shrugged it off and given him your number. Despite that, he still keeps the piece of paper onto which you scrawled your email address, tacked up by his seldom used computer. Just in case.
The team at the BAU tease him relentlessly when they find out about the ‘sweet girl from the library’ that he texts everyday. Any hint of him interacting with a woman, they latch onto like rabid wolves, but when the texts from you keep popping up on his phone now and then for weeks, they absolutely won’t leave it alone. They all know he likes you, even if he’s been very careful to not reveal this fact and they tease him about it. He’s just glad you’re never there to hear it, as he might just die from the embarrassment. One week, while staying back from a case due to a mild cold, he sits in Garcia’s office and watches her work while he does his own. She had insisted he come keep her company, and he hadn’t quite dared to tell her no. He’s scribbling down some notes about the latest crime scene photos they’ve been sent through when Garcia receives a call. It’s Morgan, asking her to run a check on an email address that may potentially belong to an unsub, to see what kind of accounts can be linked to it, and if there’s anything untoward and potentially warrant-worthy. He watches over her shoulder as she types the email address into a program, which spits back out several accounts all over the internet. He rolls his chair over, watching curiously.
“How do you do that? Is it for FBI stuff only?” he asks nervously, twirling a pen around in his fingers. Garcia laughs and glances over her shoulder.
“No, you can find programs to do this in various places online,” she answers, highlighting accounts of potential interest. He nods, still watching over her shoulder, working his lip between his teeth. He tries to convince himself that he’s not going to do it, even as he asks Garcia to write him down one of these websites. She gives him a knowing look but obliges. He keeps telling himself he won’t do it, and that it’s creepy as he gets the train home, but as soon as he’s in his apartment, he heads for his computer and boots it up. He searches up the site that Garcia recommended and tells himself one last time that he isn’t going to do it, before copying your email address into the search field and hitting enter. He waits as the website loads the results, glancing at the door to his apartment as if you’re going to burst in and tell him off. Oh, how he wishes you’d be in his apartment one day, or he at yours. He’s never really wanted to share a space before, but lately, everything he does he imagines what it would be like to have you there. Your arms around him as he cooks, your head on his lap as he watches TV, your body against his in the bed. The website finishes its search and he takes a deep breath, investigating the results. There are various common social media websites, accounts with academic journals (which he appreciates you for), and a couple of other sites he doesn’t recognise. He clicks on the first and furrows his brows. Fanfiction? He supposes that you are a voracious reader like he is, and you mentioned liking to write, but never admitting to what you wrote. This was it then, was it? Your secret writing? It wasn’t that secret, the account was registered in your name, all the works listed being for books and media that you talked about often. You had quite a decent following, at least in his eyes, you were no celebrity, but you had a decent collection of comments and likes.
He starts to read, beginning with your most popular piece. He digests it in moments, his cheeks burning bright. It was pure pornography. Well not purely, there was quite a well-woven storyline behind it, but the focus was undoubtedly the filthy sex scenes. He loosens his tie, feeling hot. He double and triple checks that this is definitely your account, but it clearly is. He’s feeling a little disbelieving, you had just always seemed so innocent to him, but he supposed the two of you had never discussed sex in any way. Spencer would have combusted if it had ever come up. He inhales the rest of your work, getting unreasonably hard in his slacks as he reads. He’s impressed by the skill of your writing, but more than anything, by how delicious your imagination is. It’s like you’ve plucked every fantasy he’s ever allowed himself to have out of his brain and written it up with beautiful flowery language. He doesn’t know half of the characters that you’ve written for, but it doesn’t matter to him, as he imagines the two of you in their places and it works perfectly. Almost like it was written with the two of you in mind. He discards that thought, but not before noticing that you’ve been writing a lot more in the past few months you’ve known each other. He notices how many of your stories centre around a more submissive male, a favourite trope of yours seeming to be having the female partner sit on their face. He imagines you sitting on his face and groans aloud, having to palm his bulge through his slacks. He imagines you’d be like the protagonists in your stories, dominating but kind. He reaches into his slacks to stroke himself, not something he does often, but something that has certainly been more frequent lately. His eyes skim a passage of one of your stories as he tugs at himself, picturing your face between the words. He cums harder than he thinks he ever has because this feels that much closer to the real thing. Once he’s done, he sits catching his breath, staring at the mess on his hand and stomach. He thinks he should feel ashamed, but he’s still aroused, terribly so. He wishes he could show you what you do to him. Before he can stop himself, his aroused brain much less intelligent than he usually is, he makes an account on the site with his name and leaves a comment on your most recent work.
“This was the hottest thing I’ve ever read,”
He sends it and sits back, wiping the rest of the residue off his stomach. As the haze of arousal lifts, he realises what he’s done. Panicking, he tries to delete the comment, but there’s no option to. He swallows, taking a deep breath. It’ll be okay, he tells himself, if she ever notices, I’ll pretend I was just being sarcastic, teasing her for writing this kind of thing, not genuinely rocked by it. However, his phone is already ringing. It’s you. You never call. You couldn’t have seen the comment already, could you? He seriously debates not answering, even as he’s desperate to hear your voice. Against his better judgment, he picks up the phone.
“Am I speaking to SpencerReid1981?” you chuckle over the phone, your voice teasing as you recite his username. His plans to pretend he was mocking you go out the window the second you talk. He can tell you have one over him by the confident tone in your voice. You’ve had one over him since the day you first met.
“Y-yeah,” he relents, seeing no way out of this now. What would the chances be of another Spencer Reid born in 1981 having commented on your fanfiction? If he wasn’t so nervous and lingeringly aroused, he could’ve told you. He decides to just be earnest. “You’re a really good writer,”
“How did you even find me on there?” you scoff, laughing gently. He blushes, glad you can’t see it.
“You don’t want to know,” he mumbles. There’s a moment of silence.
“So… you found it hot, huh? What part?” he chokes slightly on his spit, going bright red, you can probably tell, even through the phone.
“Don’t make me say it,” he squeaks. You hum softly on the other end.
“Oh come on… you started all this,” you coax. He’s silent for another beat, you hear his laboured breaths on the phone.
“The- when- when she uh… sat on his face,” he stutters out. You smirk.
“Really?” you stretch out the last syllable in a playful manner. “You a big giver then?” you say it to tease him, expecting him to sputter and deny it, to beg to change the subject, but he doesn’t.
“I– I would be for you,” you both go silent, you in shock and him in fear of your reaction. You’re dumbfounded that he would ever be so direct with you. It’s been clear to you for a while that he has a thing for you, you’ve caught his lingering looks on your lips or your thighs, the way you’re able to fluster him, but you’d assumed he’d dance around it forever. He’d just essentially admitted, leaving it hanging in the air.
“Come over,” you answer simply, hanging up the phone before he can ask questions or change his mind. Spencer feels completely dumbstruck by your words. Come over? His legs are carrying him to his door before he can think about it. He grabs his bag and his coat and hurries to his car. He’s never driven so fast in his life, he’s only been at your place once, to drop you off after your work, but the way there is memorised like the back of his hand anyway. He worries in the back of his mind that he may get a speeding ticket, but any fine is worth it for you. He’s sprinting up the stairs of your apartment building, his long frame moving nimbler than ever before. He reaches your apartment and knocks at the door.
You answer the door, dressed in some loungewear and he suddenly realises how real this all is. He stands there staring, unable to do anything else, even as you greet him and tell him to come in. You have to take his arm and pull him inside, your hand on his arm lighting him on fire. But he’s shy again, he needs you to take control of this because he has no clue what he’s doing here. He’s never done something like this before, and he's never been so reckless. Did he even lock the door when he left home? You look so beautiful that everything could be stolen from him and he wouldn’t bat a lash. He fidgets, looking anywhere but your eyes. You’re talking to him but he can’t figure out what you’re saying, his brain feeling like mush. He tries his best to pick out some words from the pleasing hum of your voice. You’re saying something about your bedroom. He connects the dots when you start to pull his arm.
“Wha- wait, what are we doing?” he asks, his voice shaking. You freeze, tilting your head.
“What do you mean what are we doing?”
“I mean– uh– I wasn’t really– are we…?” he stammers, his fingers fidgeting.
“Don’t you want this?” you frown, worrying you’d misread this somehow, even though he’d come rushing over here. He stares at you, eyebrow twitching. You move closer, gently smoothing your hand up his arm. He closes his eyes, losing himself in it.
“Yeah,” he breathes, even though he’s not entirely sure what he’s agreeing to. Whatever it is, if it’s preceded by you touching him like this, it must be good. He follows you like a puppy as you guide him to your bedroom. You place your hands on his chest and he whines, somewhere deep in his throat. The feeling is just so overwhelming in all the best ways. His eyes are wide staring down into yours as your fingers twist, gripping his sweater vest. You lean up, touching your lips to his and he’s whining again. He kisses back, his hands finding your hips, hovering. Your hands are raking through his hair.
“Lie on the bed for me,” you mumble between kisses. He shivers.
“Are you going to sit on my face?” he asks bluntly, needing to know if he’s getting what he’s been thinking about non-stop since earlier this evening, probably even before that. You chuckle at his candour, he’s always been like this and it’s endearing that he’s no different in this situation.
“That’s the idea,” you grin, tilting your head to the side to press closer as you kiss him. He shuffles toward the bed and you push him back to lie down, disconnecting your lips to pull his sweater vest off. He looks up at you pleadingly until you lean down to kiss him again. You straddle his stomach, his hands lie awkwardly at his sides. His breathing is erratic and his fingers fiddle nervously with the material of your sheets. “You okay?” you ask between slow wet kisses.
“Just nervous… I don’t– I can’t disappoint you and I– I don’t really have a lot of experience here,” he admits, his lips pressing needily against yours between words.
“It’ll be fine, I’ll take care of you,” you promise, he nods against you. Even he’s surprised by how much he trusts you. You pull back, watching as he stares up at you, his eyes practically black. He’s panting heavily. You pull your shirt over your head, feeling his hips buck under you as your breasts come into view. He’d always known every inch of you would be perfect for him, and he was right. He was a genius after all. You move just enough to shed your pyjama pants, taking your underwear with them. You stuff your panties into Spencer’s slack pocket with a wink. He takes a shaky breath.
“Thank you,” he exhales, eyes drinking you in. You giggle, shuffling up to straddle his chest. He swallows loudly, his mouth watering from the little glimpse he can get, craning his neck. “I’m so… glad we’re doing this,” he whispers. You chuckle again at his behaviour. You stroke his hair gently and his eyes flutter. He usually hated unexpected touch, but everything you did was blissful.
“Ready?” you ask softly. He nods, eyes fluttering back open, determined to get a glimpse of you that he can commit to memory.
You lift up and shuffle yourself over top of his face. He gasps like he’s just seen God. You, spread open above him, glistening with want. He grips tightly at the sheets, trying to keep himself grounded as the heady smell of you fills his nose. He leans up and places a gentle, experimental kiss on your folds, whining as he does so. You hum softly, leaning forward to brace yourself against the headboard. Puffs of breath wash over your core for a moment, before Spencer leans up, flattening his tongue and laving it against you, up and down, slow and steady. You can tell he’s still finding his way, so you let yourself enjoy the gentle pleasure. You sigh encouragingly as he gets acquainted with the area, exploring it with the tip of his tongue. Never in a million years would he have guessed that you tasted so good. Though he was new at this, he knew anatomy well and knew the spots he’d be looking for. His tongue finds what he assumes to be your clit and he gives it a soft kiss, feeling your hips gently buck. Success. He swirls his tongue carefully around it, not wanting to overwhelm you. Your sighs increase in volume. Spencer takes a chance, lifting his hands and wrapping them around your thighs, pulling you down so you’re more seated on his face. You gasp slightly and he smiles, eagerly returning to his work. His tongue laps at you hungrily, getting into a rhythm. He breathes through his nose, not wanting to stop what he’s doing for even a moment. The taste of you gets stronger and stronger against his tongue as you approach your peak steadily. He groans at the taste. Your hand snakes down into his hair, gripping his long locks to keep yourself anchored. You moan above him, your head lolled forward against the headboard. As he starts to focus his tongue more pointedly on your clit, flicking gently like he read to do in a book once, your hips rut slightly.
“Suck it,” you pant. He doesn’t register your words for a moment but when he does, he happily complies. His lips close around the little nub and he sucks carefully. Your hand tightens in his hair and you wail in pleasure. You grind yourself down onto his face as he suckles at you gently. You both know what’s coming and while Spencer is thrilled he could get you there, he almost doesn’t want it to end. It’s as if you read his mind. “Don’t stop,” you whine, your eyes squeezed shut, nails digging slightly into his scalp. He pulls you closer to his face, focusing all his efforts. He switches fumblingly between licks and sucks, but it seems to be working nonetheless as you become louder and louder. “Oh! Spencer!” you cry out, your whole body shuddering. He almost comes in his pants at the sound of it. “Ooooh!” you wail, reaching your peak. Your body tenses and then releases, going limp with bliss. His lips stop moving and he stares up at you, waiting for your next move. “Oh, that was amazing Spencer,” you sigh, sluggishly moving down his body until your faces are level. He licks his lips, gazing at you adoringly. You reach up to wipe his wet chin with a small smile.
“I was okay, then?” he chuckles nervously, his hand coming to your waist, a little unsure.
“What do you think, genius?” you tease, kissing his temple. He sighs and flutters his eyes closed. Everything had happened so fast, he wasn’t sure what this meant for the two of you and your friendship, so blinded by lust when he got over here. But you were kissing down his jaw and neck, not indicating that you were kicking him out, and he felt a little better for it. He notices that your lips are straying quite low, over his chest and stomach through his shirt. His eyes flutter open and his breath hitches as he sees you gazing seductively up at him.
“Wha–?” he stammers as you start to unbuckle his belt.
“Returning the favour,” you smile, pressing kisses where his shirt had ridden up. He moans softly, his brain starting to turn to mush once more.
“God, I love you,” he gasps. You both go still for a moment as his words sink in. He can’t believe he just said that, especially right now, with your head hovering over his crotch, even if he desperately means it. He opens his mouth to try and fix this but you beat him to it. You press a kiss just below his belly button.
“I love you too,”
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xoxoxo
#spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid x reader#dr spencer reid#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid smut#criminal minds fandom#smut#fanfic#reader insert#x reader#fem reader#fluff#mgg#mgg x reader#mgg smut#doctor spencer reid#matthew gray gubler#matthew gray gubler x reader#criminal minds smut
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﹙ 🎬 ﹚ ────THE BEST GIFTS AREN’T UNDER THE TREE.
୨୧ SYPNOSiS. you and park sunghoon don’t exactly get along. you’re coworkers who seem to have nothing in common— polar opposties. he’s the polished guy from a wealthy family, while you’re just trying to make ends meet and keep your personal life private. but when an awkward run-in at the pharmacy reveals more about your struggles than you ever wanted anyone to know—maybe he wasn’t as bad as you thought—maybe the person who drives you the craziest might just be the one who gets you best.
୨୧ PAiRING. enemy! park sunghoon x fem! reader, rich!sunghoon x not very rich! reader, type 1 diabetic! reader.
୨୧ GENRE. office romance, enemies to lovers, fluff & christmas romcom hallmark movie themed, minimal angst.
୨୧ WARNiNGS. profanities, kissing, yn is a little mean.. type 1 diabetes mentioned, struggles with money, ignorant hoon, not proofread.
୨୧ WORD COUNT. 8,106 / 8.1K
𝓟𝗟𝗔𝗬𝗟i𝗦𝗧 ﹕ last christmas, wham. it’s beginning to look a lot like christmas, michael bublé. you’re so vain, carly simon. unwritten, natasha bedingfield. suburban house, holly macve, ldr. just the way you are, bruno mars. can’t help falling in love, elvis presley.
NOTE. i know it’s a bit early.. but i literally couldn’t help myself i love love love christmas!! 🤓☝️thank u guys for the support on the teaser <3 i strongly recommend reading it before u begin this!! enjoy hehe ^-^
LiBRARY | © WON4KISS all rights reserved
THE OFFICE FELT ALIVE WITH THE PULSE OF CHRISTMAS.
fairy lights draped the edges of cubicle walls, casting warm hues across the room, and garlands hung over doorways, filling the space with a faint hint of pine scent.
the air had an almost electric feel—holiday music blasted softly from someone’s desk speaker, and laughter echoed from the kitchen, where the holiday potluck was in full swing. ── 𝖱𝖤𝖲𝖳 𝖡𝖤𝖫𝖮𝖶!
you took it all in with a quiet sense of satisfaction, enjoying the warmth of the season.
for a few minutes, at least, the festive atmosphere helped you push aside the stress and exhaustion that had weighed on you lately.
financial strain and the challenges of managing your type 1 diabetes were constant pressures, but they were your private burdens, things you carried alone.
here, in the office, you could leave them behind, escape reality—or at least pretend to.
with a sigh, you pulled your scarf off and hung it by your desk, feeling the familiar vibration of your blood glucose monitor.
you checked the reading—steady, for now.
relief was brief, though, as you were quickly reminded of the pharmacy bill due at the end of the month, a larger sum that had grown even more unreachable since your insurance provider had started making cuts.
“hey! finally decided to show up?” a smooth voice cut through your thoughts, laced with the perfect blend of mischief and a hint of mockery.
you turned to see park sunghoon, leaning against the divider between your desks with his signature smirk.
he was dressed in a no doubt expensive, tailored coat, his dark hair disheveled in that way that looked both casual and wealthy.
sunghoon’s presence was an unmistakable reminder that you were, as always, worlds apart.
“yes, i thought i’d take pity and show my face,” you shot back, crossing your arms with an eye-roll. “wouldn’t want you to get too comfortable doing all the work without me.”
“oh, please. like i’d ever let you have all the credit,” he said, grinning as he pushed himself off the desk.
sunghoon’s wealth was an open secret around the office, though he rarely discussed it openly.
still, the designer clothing, the luxury watches, and the effortless way he carried himself spoke volumes.
he was someone who had grown up with privilege in a way you could barely fathom, and sometimes, it felt almost as if he enjoyed reminding you of it.
it was always little jabs, little comments—things he likely didn’t realize cut deeper than intended.
you let out a sigh, unwilling to let him get under your skin today, especially when the holidays usually put you in a good mood.
ignoring his stare, you logged into your computer and prepared for the day’s tasks, hoping he’d get the hint and leave.
but sunghoon didn’t move. instead, he watched you, brows slightly raised, as if daring you to keep ignoring him.
finally, he leaned closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial murmur.
“so, what’d you bring for the potluck? or is this going to be another year of pretending you’re too busy to participate?” he teased, a glint in his eye.
you bristled, annoyance prickling at your skin.
sunghoon didn’t know, of course, that you’d barely managed to scrape together enough for groceries this week, let alone something special for the potluck—but his words hit a sore spot nonetheless.
“not that it’s any of your business,” you replied with gritted teeth, meeting his gaze, “but i’ve been a little… preoccupied with other things.”
“oh? too busy for christmas spirit, mrs. grinch?” his smirk softened just a little, but the teasing tone remained. “how tragic. i can’t imagine a holiday without going all out.”
“yeah, well, maybe some of us have other priorities.”
he tilted his head, curiosity flickering in his expression—you could tell he was on the brink of pushing further, maybe digging into what those priorities might be, but before he could, a group of coworkers filed into the room, breaking the tension between you.
after a few hours of emails and spreadsheets, you slipped away for a quick break, heading to the break room.
as you made your way down the hall, you thought about the other expenses coming up—the overdue pharmacy bill, the rent check, and the dozens of smaller costs that added up so fast it felt impossible to keep up.
you’d learned to carry these worries quietly.
no one in the office had ever seen you let your guard down, and you’d grown so used to putting on a brave face that sometimes you believed it yourself.
in the break room, you reached into your bag, pulling out a small protein bar that would have to suffice as lunch.
you barely had time to take a bite before the door swung open, and sunghoon strolled in, his presence instantly filling the small room.
“skipping lunch again?” he asked, nodding at the protein bar in your hand.
you raised an eyebrow. “i could say the same. didn’t peg you for the protein-bar type.”
“oh, please.” he scoffed, moving to grab a coffee pod.
“i just had a massive breakfast. unlike some people, i actually know how to treat myself during the holidays.”
“congrats on the life of luxury,” you muttered, feeling your patience fray.
he chuckled, missing the edge in your voice—or, worse, choosing to ignore it. “well, it’s not for everyone.”
there was something almost infuriating in how casually he threw these little remarks around, as if it were a game.
you often wondered if he had any idea how privileged he sounded or if he was simply so wrapped up in his world that he couldn’t see beyond it.
you hated to admit it, but sometimes his comments stung. deeply.
“you know,” he continued, oblivious, “they’re setting up for the secret santa exchange in the main lobby. you could still join in if you want to spread some christmas cheer.”
you felt the words bubbling up before you could stop them. “not all of us can afford to ‘spread christmas cheer’ the way you do, sunghoon.”
a flicker of confusion crossed his face, and his casual demeanor faltered for a second.
you’d been careful not to reveal much about your personal life, but his relentless teasing had chipped away at your patience.
you could see him trying to piece together what you meant, his smirk fading as he observed you, perhaps noticing the hint of frustration in your expression.
but before he could press further, you gathered your things and left the break room, feeling his eyes on your back as you made your way down the hall.
the week had dragged on, filled with deadlines and holiday preparations you barely had the energy for.
by thursday evening, you’d almost forgotten about the refill you needed at the pharmacy.
but when the notification popped up on your phone—prescription ready for pickup—your stomach twisted.
the monthly pharmacy trip was always a grim reminder of the costs that piled up faster than you could manage.
you entered the pharmacy, still in your work clothes, feeling a familiar combination of dread and fatigue.
the fluorescent lights felt harsh after a long day, casting everything in an unflattering glare.
you waited in line, trying to keep your anxiety at bay, telling yourself that it would be okay.
when you reached the counter, the pharmacist handed over the medication with a sympathetic look.
“i’m sorry, y/n..” she said quietly, glancing down at her screen. “your insurance isn’t covering this anymore. the total comes to… $600.”
the number hit you like a punch. “six hundred?” you echoed, barely able to keep the shock from your voice.
“yes, unfortunately,” she said, her expression softening. “would you like to speak to someone in billing about options?”
you swallowed hard, feeling a rush of embarrassment.
behind you, a couple of people had joined the line, their eyes on you, and you could sense their impatience.
the pressure made it hard to think, and you fumbled for words, barely able to keep from breaking down. “i… i didn’t realize it would be that high.”
your hands trembled as you reached for your wallet, counting bills that would barely make a dent.
you felt the weight of judgment pressing down, and the frustration of the week boiled over into a feeling of helplessness.
in that moment, the walls you’d built so carefully began to crack—suddenly, a familiar voice broke through your thoughts.
“here, i’ve got it.”
you whipped around to see sunghoon, standing just behind you, his expression unreadable.
he held out his card to the cashier, his hand steady, his tone calm. the same calmness you often found infuriating—but now it felt like salt in a wound.
“no!” you blurted, voice louder than you intended. “sunghoon, i don’t need—”
he didn’t look at you, simply held his card out closer to the cashier, who accepted it with a nod.
the transaction beeped through, a small, simple sound that shattered any hope you had of holding onto your pride.
you took a shaky breath, trying to process what had just happened.
the thought of owing sunghoon money—let alone having him swoop in like some hero—made you feel nauseous.
sunghoon handed you the medication bag without a word, his expression unreadable, almost neutral.
but his silence only fueled the resentment bubbling inside you.
“thanks,” you muttered, barely meeting his gaze, gripping the bag tightly in your hands.
as soon as you stepped outside the pharmacy, the freezing winter air hit your face, jolting you back to reality.
sunghoon followed, catching up to you in a few strides.
his voice was calm but edged with something sharper, something you couldn’t quite place.
“you’re welcome, by the way,” he said, a hint of sarcasm coloring his tone.
you stopped abruptly, turning to face him, anger flaring up despite the chill that seeped into your bones.
“i didn’t ask you to help me, sunghoon. i really don’t need your charity.”
he scoffed, crossing his arms. “it’s not charity. i was just helping. or is that too difficult for you to accept?”
the words stung—you looked down, heart racing as you struggled to find the right response.
“you don’t get it. you don’t understand what it’s like to need help,” you said quietly, but there was a weight to your words that hung in the air between you.
sunghoon blinked, surprised by the intensity in your tone.
for a brief second, he seemed taken aback, as if realizing for the first time that there were layers to your life he’d never even thought to consider.
but just as quickly, he recovered, his expression hardening.
“maybe i don’t understand,” he said, voice low. “but i was only trying to be a good friend—you clearly needed my help.”
the word “friend” felt heavy, like it didn’t belong.
you’d spent so much time bickering with him, pushing each other’s buttons, that the idea of friendship felt foreign.
“we were never friends, sunghoon,” you replied, voice barely above a whisper. “not really.”
his face fell, just a fraction, but it was enough for you to see the disappointment in his eyes before he quickly masked it.
he didn’t respond, didn’t argue back. he just stood there, the silence between you filled with unspoken words and simmering emotions.
with a sigh, you turned and walked away, leaving him standing alone under the dim streetlights.
the next morning, you arrived at the office feeling drained, the argument replaying in your mind like a loop you couldn’t escape.
you’d spent the entire night wrestling with guilt, shame, and confusion.
as much as you hated to admit it, sunghoon had only been trying to help.
maybe his actions felt patronizing, but it wasn’t entirely his fault—you hadn’t exactly been forthcoming about your struggles, either.
you spotted him near the coffee station, and your heart thudded in your chest.
he looked up as you approached, his expression carefully blank, like he wasn’t sure what to expect.
“hey,” you began, feeling uncharacteristically nervous. “about last night… i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have snapped at you.”
he looked at you for a moment, studying your face, and you felt the tension ease slightly as a hint of a smile softened his expression.
“apology accepted,” he replied, a glimmer of his usual playfulness returning. “besides, if i can’t handle a little yelling, i shouldn’t be hanging around you, should i?”
you laughed, surprised by how much lighter you felt. “guess not.”
for the rest of the morning, there was a shift in the air between you and sunghoon.
it was subtle, but the tension had softened into something different, something… more understanding.
sunghoon seemed to go out of his way to avoid his usual teasing, and you found yourself appreciating the small moments of consideration—like when he quietly handed you a cup of coffee during a long meeting, or when he offered to take on part of a six page report without asking.
a few days later, the two of you were assigned to a client project that required an off-site visit to the city’s holiday market.
the market was bustling with vendors selling everything from handmade ornaments to spiced apple cider, and festive christmas music filled the air as fairy lights wrapped around pine trees twinkled in every direction.
you walked side by side through the crowds, the cold biting at your cheeks, but the festive atmosphere was infectious.
for once, sunghoon’s competitive edge had softened, replaced by a mutual sense of respect that felt unexpectedly natural.
he paused by a stall selling candied nuts, grinning as he handed you a small bag. “try these—they’re amazing.”
the warmth from the roasted nuts seeped into your hands, and you couldn’t help but smile as you tasted one. “not bad,” you admitted, savoring the sweetness.
he watched you with a soft, almost unreadable expression, his eyes warm in the glow of the holiday lights. “see? i knew i could get you into the christmas spirit.”
you rolled your eyes but felt your cheeks heat up, and for once, you couldn’t blame the cold.
“maybe christmas isn’t so bad,” you conceded, though your tone was playful.
you spent the afternoon walking through the market, sharing laughs and stories, with sunghoon’s usual arrogance replaced by a gentle charm that you weren’t familiar with.
there was something tender in the way he looked at you, as if he were seeing you for the first time, and you found yourself stealing glances when he wasn’t looking, wondering if maybe—maybe there was more to him than you’d realized.
the following weeks felt different—lighter, and even with the temperatures dropping even more—it felt unusually warmer.
where there had been tension, there was now an unspoken truce between you and sunghoon.
you’d catch his eye across the room and find a small, almost conspiratorial smile tugging at the corner of his lips, as if he, too, felt this strange new dynamic between you.
sunghoon’s teasing didn’t completely vanish, but it softened, became something that almost felt like an inside joke between the two of you.
and you found yourself… laughing. a lot. his wit was sharp, his timing impeccable, and his presence that you once found insufferable was now strangely comforting.
one snowy december morning, you arrived at your desk to find a small, neatly wrapped box sitting on top of your keyboard.
you looked around, half-expecting to see sunghoon lurking nearby, but he was nowhere in sight.
the gift wasn’t anything fancy—just a small pack of flavored coffee pods with a tiny note attached in his precise handwriting:
“for when the cafeteria coffee just isn’t enough. -s”
a smile spread across your face, and you felt an unexpected warmth bloom in your chest.
you didn’t know what surprised you more—that he’d noticed your disdain for the cafeteria’s bitter coffee, or that he’d gone out of his way to do something about it.
the gesture was small, almost insignificant, but it felt like a piece of kindness slipped through his carefully maintained armor.
later that day, when you saw him passing by, you couldn’t help but hold up the box and call out, “you know, bribery is illegal in this office.”
he raised an eyebrow, his lips spreading into a smirk.
“consider it a professional courtesy. can’t have you grumbling about the coffee all day and distracting everyone with your complaints.”
“oh, please,” you shot back, rolling your eyes—but you couldn’t help but laugh, feeling that warmth settle even deeper.
sunghoon was watching you, something soft and thoughtful in his gaze, and for a moment, the whole world seemed to shrink to just the two of you.
the holiday season meant long hours at the office, with tight deadlines and clients demanding year-end reports.
you and sunghoon found yourselves frequently the last ones to leave, working side by side in the glow of your computer screens as the office grew quiet around you.
one evening, you’d both stayed late, trying to wrap up a particularly demanding project.
your head was pounding, and you absentmindedly massaged your temples, eyes closed, when you heard the quiet thud of something being set down on your desk.
opening your eyes, you found sunghoon standing there, holding out a cup of tea.
“it’s not coffee,” he said, with a small, awkward smile. “but it’s supposed to help with headaches.”
surprised, you took the cup, feeling your fingers brush his briefly. “thank you,” you murmured, the warmth of the tea seeping through your fingers and into your skin.
you weren’t sure what to make of this new, considerate sunghoon—the same man who once enjoyed riling you up now seemed to be going out of his way to make you feel… cared for.
he didn’t leave, just watched you as you took a sip, his gaze holding a softness that made your heart flutter.
for a moment, you forgot the rivalry, forgot the teasing and the jabs.
all you saw was sunghoon, standing there with a quiet, almost hesitant expression, as if he, too, was trying to understand what was happening between you.
when he finally looked away, clearing his throat awkwardly, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of disappointment.
the silence hung heavy with words left unsaid, and as he walked back to his desk, you felt a strange longing settle in your chest—a longing that surprised and confused you in equal measure.
a week before christmas, the company sent you and sunghoon out to oversee a local holiday event as part of a charity initiative.
the city was sparkling with lights, carols, and people bundled in scarves and coats, laughing and chattering as they browsed the decorated stalls.
snow had started to fall, dusting the sidewalks in soft white powder.
“stick with me,” sunghoon said, giving you a wink as he led the way through the crowd. “we wouldn’t want you to get lost in the holiday rush.”
“oh, please,” you retorted, rolling your eyes—but you fell into step beside him, the easy banter warming you against the chilly air.
you wandered through the market together, occasionally stopping to admire handcrafted ornaments or taste samples of hot peppermint chocolate.
sunghoon even bought you a gingerbread cookie shaped like a snowman, holding it out with a shy grin.
“it’s not much,” he said, as if embarrassed by the simplicity of it.
“it’s perfect,” you replied, surprised by how genuine your own smile felt.
you took a bite, savoring the sweetness, while sunghoon watched you with an expression that made your heart flutter.
as you made your way through the crowd, you felt his hand brush against yours, a barely-there touch that sent a thrill down your spine.
you glanced up at him, half-expecting a smirk, but his expression was serious, his gaze focused on you in a way that made your heart race.
for a few beats, neither of you spoke, the sounds of the bustling market fading into the background.
sunghoon’s gaze held yours, intense and unwavering, and you felt a strange, almost magnetic pull between you.
you didn’t realize how close you were standing until someone bumped into you from behind, breaking the moment.
sunghoon quickly reached out to steady you, his hand firm and reassuring on your arm.
“are you okay?” he asked, his voice a whisper, his eyes searching yours.
you nodded, suddenly hyper-aware of his hand on your arm. “yeah, i’m fine. thanks.”
he didn’t let go right away, and you found yourself leaning into his touch, just for a second, savoring the warmth and closeness.
when he finally released you, his fingers lingered just a moment too long, leaving a tingling warmth in their wake.
as the evening wound down, you found yourselves standing at the edge of the market, watching the snow fall softly around you.
the streetlights casted a dim, yellow warm glow over the scene, and you could see your breath mingling with his in the chilly air.
sunghoon shifted beside you, his expression unreadable. “you know, i never thought we’d actually get along,” he admitted, his tone quiet, almost hesitant.
“me neither,” you replied, feeling a strange, bittersweet ache in your chest. “guess it took the holidays to bring out the best in us.”
he chuckled softly, but there was something melancholy in his smile. “maybe. or maybe it just took us actually… seeing each other.”
the words hung heavy in the air, their meaning lingering between you.
for the first time, you realized that he hadn’t just been teasing you all those months—maybe he’d been reaching out, trying to connect in the only way he knew how.
and maybe… maybe you’d been doing the same.
the snow continued to fall, soft and silent, as you stood together in a moment that felt suspended in time.
the following monday, you walked into the office to find an unusual hyper buzz in the air.
coworkers were whispering, exchanging knowing looks, and as you made your way to your desk, you could feel their curious glances following you.
“what’s going on?” you finally asked one of your coworkers, trying to ignore the strange, uneasy feeling building in your stomach.
your coworker glanced at you, clearly excited to spill the news. “oh, didn’t you hear? sunghoon’s engaged! his family announced it over the weekend. isn’t that amazing?”
the words hit you like a slap—for a moment, you could only stare, the world tilting around you as the reality sank in.
engaged. park sunghoon was… engaged?
somehow, you managed to keep your composure, nodding along and murmuring something that sounded like congratulations.
but inside, you felt like your heart had been stepped on and crushed into a thousand pieces.
you hadn’t even realized how much he’d come to mean to you until that moment, until the possibility of him slipping out of your life loomed in front of you.
the warmth, the stolen glances, the lingering touches—they all felt like illusions now, shattered by the cold reality of his engagement.
and as the days passed, you found yourself pulling away, avoiding him, unable to face the ache that had settled in your chest.
you convinced yourself it was for the best, that distancing yourself would make it easier.
but each time you caught a glimpse of him—sitting at his desk, laughing with a coworker, or glancing your way with a confused expression—the pain flared, sharp and unyielding.
the annual company christmas party was an elaborate affair held at a high-end hotel ballroom, decked out with garlands, chandeliers wrapped in fairy lights, and a massive christmas tree in the center of the room.
you arrived alone, shivering as the chilly air picked at your bare arms—nerves prickling as you took in the festive crowd of coworkers mingling, laughing, and toasting to the holiday season.
you’d done your best to dress up, but an unmistakable heaviness clung to you—the weight of sunghoon’s engagement lingered, even after avoiding him—you couldn’t escape the haunting of park sunghoon.
you hadn’t spoken to him in days, going out of your way to avoid his attempts to talk.
he’d noticed, of course. the confused glances, the way his brow furrowed when he caught sight of you hurrying out of a room—those small, unspoken moments were like daggers, deepening the ache in your chest.
it hurt more than you’d thought possible, this distance, and yet you couldn’t bring yourself to face him.
tonight, the ballroom was filled with the sounds of holiday classics, the gentle clinking of glasses, and the murmur of cheerful conversations.
you pushed your way through the crowd, greeting coworkers and accepting the occasional compliment, but your mind kept wandering, searching for him against your better judgment.
when you finally saw him, standing near the christmas tree in a tailored dark suit, your heart twisted painfully.
he looked… incredible, polished and confident as always, but there was something else in his eyes—a tension, a restlessness that you couldn’t place.
he was surrounded by a small group of colleagues, but he seemed distracted, his gaze scanning the room as if looking for someone.
you turned quickly, hoping he hadn’t noticed you, and tried to lose yourself in the crowd.
but even as you made small talk with your coworkers, your attention kept drifting back to him, your heart stubbornly refusing to let go.
at some point in the evening, the lights dimmed, and the band began playing a slow, romantic melody.
a coworker you barely knew approached you, a friendly smile on his face as he offered his hand. “care for a dance?”
the last thing you wanted was to be dragged onto the dance floor, but the thought of standing alone, surrounded by the sight of happy couples, felt worse.
you accepted, letting him guide you to the center of the room.
the music was soft and gentle, filling the room like a quiet whisper—your dance partner was polite, talking amiably as you swayed to the music, but you barely heard a word he said.
your gaze drifted, unbidden, toward sunghoon. he was watching you, his expression hidden in shadow, but you could see the pain in his eyes—a pain that mirrored your own.
for a moment, everything else faded away.
the ballroom, the music, the dozens of people around you—all of it blurred into the background as you met his gaze.
it was a single, suspended moment, one that hung heavy with all the things left unsaid, all the secrets you’d kept bottled up.
sunghoon’s expression was raw, his eyes shining with an intensity that left you breathless.
he looked… devastated, as if the sight of you dancing with someone else was tearing him apart.
a flicker of hope sparked in your heart, but you quickly quashed it, reminding yourself that he was engaged.
and yet… the look in his eyes felt so real, so heartbreakingly genuine, that you almost believed he cared as deeply as you did.
when the song ended, you quickly excused yourself from your dance partner, feeling suddenly overwhelmed.
you retreated to the side of the room, fighting to steady your breath as you chugged a glass of champagne, all while trying to make sense of the emotions swirling inside you.
moments later, the ceo stepped up to the front of the room, tapping the microphone and quieting the crowd.
he began his speech, thanking everyone for their hard work and loyalty over the past year, his words filled with the usual corporate platitudes.
you listened half-heartedly, your mind elsewhere, still reeling from the intensity of sunghoon’s gaze.
as the ceo’s speech drew to a close, he turned to sunghoon with a broad smile.
“and of course, we can’t end this night without congratulating our very own park sunghoon on his recent engagement!”
a round of applause erupted, and all eyes turned to sunghoon—he stood there, looking cornered, his face a mix of frustration and anguish as he glanced out at the crowd, clearly uncomfortable with the attention.
his gaze flicked to you for just a moment, but it was enough for you to see the raw emotion in his eyes—the pain, the longing, and something deeper, something desperate.
the applause began to fade, and an uncomfortable silence settled over the room as everyone waited for him to respond.
you held your breath, watching as he took a deep, steadying breath and then lifted his head, his gaze sweeping over the crowd before finally resting on you.
“i… i have something to say,” he began, his voice trembling just slightly, though he tried to mask it with a steady, confident tone. “my parents may have announced an engagement, but i… i can’t go through with it.”
a collective gasp rippled through the crowd, murmurs breaking out as people exchanged shocked glances.
sunghoon held his ground, his eyes never leaving yours, and you felt your heart pounding wildly, your entire body frozen as his words sank in.
“i can’t go through with it,” he continued, his voice stronger now, filled with a conviction that made your chest ache. “because… because i’m in love with someone else.”
his words echoed in the silence, hanging in the air like a confession to the whole world—the room was utterly still, every eye fixed on him, but he seemed oblivious to them all, focused solely on you.
your breath caught, and you felt a wave of shock and disbelief wash over you, mingled with a wild, desperate hope.
sunghoon took a step closer towards you, his eyes filled with an intensity that left you breathless.
“i’m in love with you, y/n. i’ve been so in love with you—for longer than i want to admit.”
the entire room was staring now, but all you could see was him.
your heart raced, your mind whirling as you struggled to process what he’d just said—part of you wanted to run, to escape the weight of all those eyes on you, but another part, a larger part, wanted nothing more than to close the distance between you and let yourself fall into his arms.
but it was all too much—the crowd, the confession, the overwhelming emotions crashing over you like a tidal wave.
without another word, you turned and fled, pushing your way through the stunned crowd, your heart pounding as you made your way outside.
the cold air hit you like a slap, shocking your senses and grounding you just enough to keep you from collapsing under the weight of it all.
you were barely halfway down the steps when you heard footsteps behind you.
“y/n! wait!”
you turned to see sunghoon jogging after you, his face pale, eyes wide with worry.
he reached for you, but you took a step back, shaking your head, barely able to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over.
“why did you do that, sunghoon?” you whispered, your voice trembling. “why did you have to say all that in front of everyone?”
he looked at you, desperation etched into every line of his face. “because i couldn’t keep it inside anymore,” he said, his voice raw, broken. “i couldn’t pretend. not when… not when all i want is you.”
you shook your head, struggling to keep your composure. “you don’t understand. you can’t just… say things like that, sunghoon. you’re engaged—your family…”
“i don’t care about any of that!” he interrupted, his voice rising. “i don’t care about the engagement, the expectations, any of it. none of it matters if i can’t be with you.”
his words hung heavy in the air, and you felt your defenses crumbling, piece by piece.
but the fear, the uncertainty, was still there, clawing at you, refusing to let you give in.
“i don’t need your pity,” you said, your voice barely a whisper. “i don’t want you to feel sorry for me.”
he looked at you, hurt flashing in his eyes. “this isn’t pity, y/n. i’m not trying to save you. i just… i just want to be with you.”
for a moment, you stood there, the silence between you filled with all the things left unsaid.
and then, before he could say anything more, you turned and walked away, the tears finally spilling over as you slipped into the cab and closed the door, leaving him standing there alone in the falling snow.
the next morning, you woke with a heavy heart, the memory of last night replaying in your mind.
you felt raw, vulnerable, and yet, there was a faint glimmer of hope buried beneath the ache—a hope that maybe, this was real.
your thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock at your door.
you rose, heart pounding, and opened it to find sunghoon standing there, holding a bouquet of flowers, his eyes red-rimmed as if he hadn’t slept.
you’d expected sunghoon to be at the door, waiting with an apology or a question—but you hadn’t expected him to look so vulnerable.
his usual confidence was gone, replaced by a rawness that mirrored everything you’d felt since the night before.
the bouquet he held was a mix of wildflowers and holiday greenery—red berries and sprigs of pine woven among soft white flowers that stood out against the darkness of the early morning.
when you finally took the bouquet from his hands, your fingers brushed his, sending a jolt of warmth through you.
the simple touch said everything words hadn’t—the apology, the relief, and maybe most of all, the overwhelming sense of rightness that you couldn’t ignore any longer.
the silence stretched, each of you looking at the other, feeling the weight of all that had come before and the fragile hope for what might come next.
he looked at you, eyes searching your face with a hesitance that felt new, uncertain.
“y/n…” he began, his voice soft, each syllable filled with a vulnerability you’d never heard before.
“i know last night was… overwhelming. and i’m sorry if i put you on the spot, but i meant every single word.”
you felt your heart flutter, the sincerity in his gaze unshakable—he looked at you as if you were something precious, something he’d been waiting his whole life to hold close.
and that look, filled with quiet awe and devotion, undid every defense you’d carefully built over the years.
“i was afraid to believe it,” you whispered, the words spilling out before you could stop them. “i was so afraid that this would all be some fleeting thing for you. that i’d just be another distraction.”
his brows knit together in disbelief, and he reached up, gently brushing a stray tear from your cheek.
“a distraction?” he murmured, a trace of pain in his voice. “y/n, you’re the only person i’ve ever been able to be… real with. you see me—beyond my name, beyond the expectations. i didn’t know how much i needed that until i met you.”
for a moment, you just looked at him, feeling the weight of his words settle over you like a warm blanket.
every snide comment, every misunderstanding, every late night spent working together—each memory replayed in your mind, and suddenly, it all made sense.
what you’d shared wasn’t just rivalry or convenience; it had been the start of something deeper, something real.
“i’ve wanted to hear that for so long,” you said, a soft laugh escaping you. “i just… i couldn’t admit it, not even to myself.”
a slow, relieved smile spread across his face, and he took a step closer, pulling you into a gentle hug. his arms wrapped around you, holding you close in a way that felt so natural, as if you’d been made to fit there.
he smelled faintly of cedar and pine, a comforting, earthy scent that made you feel warm and safe.
you could feel his heartbeat against yours, steady and strong, grounding you as everything else melted away.
“then stay with me,” he whispered, his breath warm against your ear. “stay with me, y/n. i’ll prove to you that this is real. that i’m all in.”
you pulled back slightly to look into his eyes, searching for any hint of uncertainty.
but all you saw was unwavering devotion, a promise he seemed ready to carry for as long as you needed.
“i love you, sunghoon,” you said, feeling the words roll off your tongue, soft and unrestrained, like a sigh of relief after holding your breath for too long.
“i think… i’ve loved you for a long time. even when i couldn’t admit it, even when you drove me crazy.”
a soft laugh escaped him, and he looked at you with an expression filled with wonder, as if he, too, had been waiting his whole life to hear those words.
“i never thought i’d hear you say that,” he whispered, his voice thick with admiration and softness.
“neither did i,” you admitted, your smile mirroring his.
he leaned down, cupping your face with gentle hands as he closed the small distance between you.
his lips met yours in a kiss that was soft, warm, and filled with the quiet certainty that this was where you were meant to be.
the world around you faded, leaving only the warmth of his embrace and the lingering taste of his kiss.
the weeks that followed felt like a dream.
for the first time, you let yourself enjoy the simplicity of being with him, unburdened by the anxieties that had once kept you apart.
sunghoon’s presence became a comfort, a steady warmth that you found yourself relying on more and more.
with christmas only a few days away, he insisted on taking you to a secluded cabin his family owned, nestled in a quiet of a forest just outside the city.
when you arrived, snow covered the ground in a perfect blanket, undisturbed and glistening under the faint light of a winter sunset.
the cabin was charmingly rustic, decorated with fairy lights and pine wreaths, and a cozy fire crackled in the stone fireplace, filling the room with a comforting warmth.
sunghoon stood behind you as you both took in the view, his arms wrapping around your waist as he rested his chin on your shoulder.
“welcome to our first tradition,” he murmured, his voice soft and filled with warmth.
“our first tradition?” you echoed, a smile playing on your lips.
he nodded, pulling you closer. “i want to spend every christmas with you. just like this—peaceful, just us. no crowds, no expectations. just you, me, and… maybe a cup of hot chocolate.”
you laughed, turning in his arms to face him. “i could get used to that.”
he smiled, reaching up to brush a snowflake from your hair—the gesture was so tender, so filled with quiet adoration, that your heart swelled with love for him all over again.
“let’s go inside,” he said, taking your hand. “there’s something i want to show you.”
you followed him into the cabin, where he led you to a small table by the window.
on it was a simple, carefully wrapped box with a red ribbon tied around it—he handed it to you, his eyes warm and expectant.
you opened the box to find a small, delicate charm bracelet with a single charm—a tiny snowflake, etched in silver.
it sparkled under the dim light, catching the glow from the fire.
“it’s beautiful, hoon..” you whispered, touched by the thoughtfulness of the gift.
he reached out, clasping it around your wrist with a soft smile. “i wanted something that would remind you of this moment. of us.”
your throat tightened, and you looked up at him, feeling an overwhelming wave of gratitude and love.
he’d given you so much more than a gift—he’d given you a promise, a quiet assurance that he was in this for the long haul.
“thank you,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper.
he smiled, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your forehead. “merry christmas, y/n.”
as you stood there together, wrapped in each other’s arms, the snow began to fall outside, blanketing the world in a peaceful, serene quiet.
the warmth of the cabin, the gentle crackling of the fire, and the soft glow of fairy lights filled the space, making it feel like you were in your own little world.
and in that moment, you realized that everything you’d gone through—every argument, every misunderstanding, every long, quiet night spent wondering what could have been—had all been worth it.
because it had led you here, to this moment, to him.
the rest of the night was spent in quiet conversation, sharing dreams and hopes for the future as you watched the snow fall outside.
you talked about everything and nothing, feeling the joy of being together without any walls between you.
the future was a blank canvas, filled with endless possibilities, and for the first time, you allowed yourself to picture it—each memory, each holiday, painted with sunghoon by your side.
as the night drew to a close, you found yourself drifting off to sleep in his arms, the fire casting soft shadows across the room, wrapping you both in warmth.
sunghoon’s heartbeat was a steady lullaby, soothing and constant, and you let yourself sink into the comfort of it, knowing that this was only the beginning.
and as you closed your eyes, a single thought lingered, filling you with a quiet, profound happiness—
you were finally home.
© WON4KISS 2024 do not repost, plagiarize, or translate.
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