#they have really bad memory too so they dont remember a lot of the events pre societal collapse

[famewolf]

really loving the vibes of my new D&D character. they're a tall, strange, eerie drow in full southwestern-gothic attire. think cowboy meets witch meets priest.

they're part aasimar so I wanted to give them a really uncanny valley vibe. they move and talk in a really disjointed fashion, like something purposely being careful with their words as though trying to not spook a bird. and a lot of their parts, while looking drowish, are just a bit strange if you look too long. their mouth a little too wide, their limbs a little too long. one of their eyes has a second iris/pupil, which disappears in their radiant form, creating a third eye on their brow. they get a little fucked up and eldritch looking too when they shift. slightly shimmering semi-translucent skin, golden eyes, wings with eyespots, fingers long and grasping and sharp with claws. they're a grave domain cleric and are apart of a small order that takes care of the souls of the departed. they ultimately just wish to make sure all of the dead get their proper burial rites and are helped along the path to the afterlife.

[cremateyourlife]

Endeavor sucks so here's a rant cause i've seen too many people say he isn't that bad lately

(CW / TW for abuse, ptsd mention) going in best order of episode events, but also including manga spoilers (sections are indented so you can skip the manga parts)-

this is pulling from source material but also very opinioned based. I get people saying he's an interesting character (kinda) but i hate seeing people excuse what he did because "aww he feels bad now." like him if you want but hating on other's for not liking him is just stupid.

it will also be long, but I have a lot of thoughts, hope at least some people agree with me lmao

i started typing this around when ch 390 came out so i know this has all been said before but with the new season coming out and like i said more people defending him i wanted to finally post this

"The Boy Born With Everything."

"That kid of mine will beat you some day, I'll make sure of it. That's why I created him."

Endeavor admitting he only had kids to be heroes, ones better than All Might, shows he does not truly care about his children. He only wanted them because he couldn't handle his failures. He sees them as a tool, not as his own kids, not as people. That's obvious in almost everything he says to and about Shoto.

And while I hate him, he isn’t a failure hero wise. He’s literally the # 2 hero out of however many hundreds there are. He’s simply mad he can’t beat AM? What is he a child who thinks he deserves everything he wants because he’s never been told no?

When Shouto finally used his fire Endeavor yelled about him finally realizing his “purpose.” More proof he sees his children, Shouto specifically, as tools. They aren't humans to him, they don't have their own feelings or goals, they are a means to an end. A means to his end. Shouto overcoming his own guilt (guilt caused by Endeavor) doesn’t matter to him. What matters is he now feels Shouto is worth something.

Class 1A vs 1B (i dont remember the exact episode names)

the flashback we get after Tokoyami talks to Shouto we hear Endeavor say, “Touya was close… Come on Shouto you’re the only one who can master this move.” Endeavor was putting the weight of his dead son's “failure” on the shoulder of his 5 (?) yr old kid. Making the kid who just lost his older sibling feel like he has to be better, or he could die too.

“Quit pretending to be weak.” Bro that is your very young kid. He is weak. Train him early, sure, whatever, but this is just abuse. You aren’t training him. Pushing your kid to the point of throwing up isn’t just training. It isn’t him being weak. It’s abuse.

I know this show is very flashback heavy in the first place but I really do interpret all the flashbacks Shouto gets of his dad as PTSD. Often times when fighting and in battle, after getting hit, he has memories of his dad. Sure, this could just be his motivation but I think it’s more than that.

"The Unforgiven."

"I thought if I saved you, that you might never say a word to me ever again." Aka Endeavor saying, "I should save my son, so he maybe likes me again." Natsuo my beloved. I love when he is an ass to his dad. His own son is saying he could never forgive him because why does he "need to be the one to make an active effort to change?" and that even though Endeavor wants to make up what does he think he can do now? Natsuo will always see his dad as the one who killed his older brother, and I don't blame him. Because that is who Endeavor is.

"He literally says in the episode he doesn't want forgiveness." And? He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't need to make Natsuo feel better for hating him when he has every right to after what his dad did to him and his entire family.

Sure, this episode is us seeing a "change" in Endeavor because he wants to be better, however, this is my post so I will say why I have a problem with this lmao. When did we see Endeavor start to change? After he became the number one hero. After he realized people were going to be looking at him even more.

The only good thing he does is realize that in order for his family to be happy he cannot be in the picture.

"Dabi's Dance"

Not including all the scenes I want to bc if I did, I'd just insert the entire ep lmao

"Oh, but he is changing. He regrets his actions." Why didn't he have regrets years ago when, to everyone's knowledge, his 13 yr old son had died? Endeavor didn't start feeling "guilty" until he became the number 1 hero. (as stated before)

And yes, we see and hear how upset Endeavor was over Touya’s death, but did he change? Did he stop being abusive and neglectful? Did he apologize and see his faults? Nope. So how bad did he really feel.

Dabi himself called him out on this during "Dabi’s Dance" when he said, “Is that why you finally decided to try to bond with your children? Keep looking toward the future and you can be a better man?"

On top of it all, Endeavor didn’t even step in to fight. Yes, he was shocked seeing his dead son in front of him again, but do you not think Shouto was shocked seeing his dead brother? He still fought.

Chapter 350

Many people say Dabi was born in the fire. However, that isn't true. Touya didn't die in that fire. He died and Dabi was born 3 years later when he went back home and had seemingly been forgotten about. He woke up in a strange place, covered in burns and sounding completely different. He wanted to go home. He wanted to apologize for all the awful things he said. He was told that he has been severely injured and once again that he was a failure. He was scared and alone. So, he goes home thinking he will be accepted with open arms, that maybe everything would be better, and everyone will celebrate yet he gets there, and his dad is still the same. Abusing his siblings and his mom is gone. Not only that but to Touya's POV, he has been replaced by his younger brother.

Plus does that not show you who Endeavor is as a person? That even after pushing his son to death he didn’t change.

"The Wrong Way to Put Out a Fire"

i won't include any clips or panels from this bc it is very intense and while this post will talk about it i still don't want to include those pictures

Going ahead and getting this out of the way because people love bringing it up for some reason, while what Rei did to Shouto was awful, obviously, it is not even close to being on the same level as the things Endeavor did to the entire Todofam. Rei was scared to look her own kids in the eyes because when she did, she saw Endeavor. She saw Endeavor's rage and feared for her safety, and in a moment of a clear panic attack and mental break defended herself, because look at Rei and tell me that woman doesn't have PTSD.

If the entirety of this ep didn't make you hate Endeavor and see he is incapable of change then idk what to tell you. Him convincing his very young child that his sole purpose is to be the next number 1 hero. He then finds out his kid physically won't be able to do that he tells him that he simply isn't good instead of sitting down and talking to him.

Buying Rei because he wanted to create his perfect child, then forcing her to be some baby machine. (Random fact that always haunts me is that Touya and Fuyumi were born in the same year.) Abusing Rei repeatedly. As well as, hitting her in front of the kids with a very young Shouto between them while the other two hide in a corner. Blaming Rei for Toya continuing to train when it is his own fault. Then on top of that, not going to Sekoto peak. He could have shown up for 2 seconds but no.

We also see another instance of Rei seeing Endeavor in her own kids when she tried to stop Toya from going and training like when Shouto came to check on her when he was little.

When Touya had a breakdown and tried to kill Shouto, instead of seeing the pain Toya was feeling and realizing his own mistakes, Endeavor just isolated Shouto from his siblings. Didn’t let him play with them, by what Natsuo said at dinner he monitored what he ate and when.

Also, I don’t wanna her “Dabi was insane from the start” after trying to kill Shouto. That was an abused child, turned neglected child, asking to be seen. Begging to be looked at. He, like Rei later on, snapped. He realized that if he wanted to be seen then the only one his dad cared about needed to be gone

Chapter 390.

Shouto finally shows up and brings Dabi down. Somehow Dabi is still alive and this is where he states that everyone, including him, should die. Endeavor then apologizes. Sure, he apologized, better late then never, whatever. However, it just really feels like he is speaking over Dabi. Dabi could be dying, could be saying his last words, and Endeavor starts talking. I will say I like how he acknowledges exactly what he did in some way. That he "pushed Rei past her breaking point", "put everything on Fuyumi's shoulders", and "abandoned Natsuo." It just all feels so empty and really doesn't mean anything with his entire family burned and scarred and Dabi lying on the ground, as well as Shouto passing out.

Endeavor’s “I’m sorry” only goes so far when his son is lying almost burned to death yelling for them all to die, Shouto over working himself to stop Dabi when even his dad couldn’t, and his non hero family standing on the battlefield as well.

In conclusion, Endeavor is an abuser. He pushed his 13 yr old son to death, pushed his wife past her breaking point then sent her away, neglected his other two children because they weren't what he wanted, and only felt bad after he achieved his dream. After he got everything he wanted despite it being built on a broken home and the victims he created along the way.

Like I said if you want to like him that's fine, but don't get mad at others when they don't like him. The Todoroki subplot hits home for a lot of people. It is a very serious and real situation. Take away the hero aspect and Endeavor is just another abuser in the world, something many people have been through.

Anyways if anyone read all of this hope you enjoyed. Hope some people agree. If you didn't leave an ask or comment lmao let's debate.

[tomfrogisblue]

watched a compilation of all the (canon) egg deaths throughout the server's lifetime and I got some thoughts

(cw - lots of death, lots of pain, if you watched this server you know what to expect but be warned anyway)

- fit's reaction to ramón's loss of his first life is so interesting - no reaction from him or phil that an egg had just gone down in the in-game chat. crazy concept compared to the rest of the future of the smp

- juana and tilin's deaths are so sad and accidental that it's kinda funny. Charlie and Mari just clearly have no idea the risky shit they're pulling (COZ HOW COULD THEY???). man, thank god for etoiles figuring out the sword bug

- foolish just stepping out and coming back to a whale'd leo - the poor doozers who tried to get his attention through donos

- poor fucking roier man. that man just went through it. the reaction of the rest of the server when Bobby went down... bruh the suppressed memories of egg trauma are resurfacing...

- i forgot the bulls were such a fucking problem at one point, hit one and they all come to beat your ass.

- i was there for only some of the egg deaths in the actual streams but i remember tallulah's one from the code monster and phil so fucking clearly. the code was soooooo fucking intent on killing her that day, it took so long and it was so frustrating when it finally succeeded. (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

- oh my god i fucking straight up forgot how bad em's death to the eye workers was. that was so horrible. really fine with never hearing a scream like that ever again thanks 👍

- on that note - every single one of these are so not fun coz the qsmp perfected a level of story and character with the eggs where no one is really being a character or doing much acting. EVERY TIME AN EGG LOSES A LIFE EVERYONE IS ACTUALLY MISERABLE, THERE IS NO ACTING HERE, EVERYONE IS CRYING, IM CRYING, THE CHAT IS CRYING

- ahem. im fine.

- andddddddd i stopped watching when richas' final death was gonna play. i dont need to watch that again. it is tattooed in my brain. thanks but no ❤️

- and i didnt fully realise how many of the egg deaths that really fucked me up were the redacted ones, the nightmares. ramón getting chased out of his safehouse and dying alone in the bamboo as the server races to save him. Phil getting double tapped on the beach and watching pomme get one shotted by the code, totally helpless to do anything. richas disappearing for one (1) second and just showing up as dead, killed by a frenzied knight out of fucking nowhere. The Nightmare, the event that made the server remove a enemy mob mod for a while coz it was just too op compared to the players, just real fun memories of phil taking a boat back to the beach where it happened and debating on whether he's gonna straight up leave the server if chay is gone.

oh, and the Brazilians just blowing up on Vegetta's mines all the way through their first day, leading to richas just getting a redo of his lives lmao

[fairys-book-reviews]

The Revenant Games - Margie Fuston (8/10)

I'll start this off by saying what i thought prior to reading it. Cos i wrote what I thought down so i could do this lol

What grabbed my attention first, was the name. The Revenant Games, Revenant tends to mean someone come back from the dead, and well, I've always loved books with aspects like that. Then, the cover. It's not exactly too original, in fact on the same day I bought this book, I bought another book with a similar format on the cover. Yet it still intrigued me. I've never been too interested in stories with games and the such (Like the Hunger Games and many others like that), but vampires and witches? Resurrection? Immortality? All are in my top five favourite things, only ones it was missing was polygamy, LGBT+ stuff, and the fae.

And now, to the actual book. I wrote this last night, directly after finishing it (at 11pm).

I must say, I didnt start reading this book with high expectations. The reviews....hadn't exactly painted the best picture. Nonetheless, after reading, while those bad reviews did have points, for me the good outweighed the bad.

Many reviews stated that this was blatantly copying The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins), just with witches and vampires. Honestly? They're right. The first thing I noticed when reading, is that the writing style was suspiciously similar to The Hunger Games. The way she met Emerson? In the woods, suspicious, sorta watching. Her sister, whom shes doing this all for? Liked by everyone, probably favourite kid (definitely favourite kid). Love triangle between Dude Who Helped Her That One Time and Guy From Home That She Maybe Liked For ages. The actual games were a bit different, but the bare bones were highly similar. But either way, lets get into the characters.

First, our main girl. Bly. She's the least favourite in the family, and she's highly stubborn and freespirited. And honestly, it was rather refreshing to have a female main character whom instead of being like all those 'not like the other girls' girls, refusing to wear fancy stuff, she REALLY wanted a dress, and a ribbon, and a lot of that 'shallow' type stuff. Either way, except for the first part, set a year before the books events, her goal remains the same, with a bit of flexibility in the end. Her goal is to bring her sister back to life, as she blames herself for her death. And honestly? Only development of note that Bly gets is realising she wasnt rlly in love with Guy From Home, she just sorta fantasised about him, and that she has a vampire kink.

Next, Elise. She's not really included in the book, we dont really get anything but memories of her, stories of her. She's our main characters dead sister, and the cause of Bly participating in the games. She's put on a pedestal, likely because when a characters dead, only alive in memories, people tend to say they are better than they were.

Emersons next, and honestly? I don't much like him. At the start I did, but as the book is from Blys perspective, and she mostly just fantasised about him, we saw him in the light she did, where she idolised him. As time goes on, flaws become more apparent. He's cold, rather selfish, and i Just dont like him. Bly shouldve taken the vampire prize instead.

Kerrigans pretty cool. He's a vampire and Blys main love interest. And you know whats amazing? This fucker aint a 200+ yr old dating a teen!!! Bodily, he's 18. But otherwise, just in his early to mid twenties!! (heard others say he was 24, but i dont quite remember). He's got a backstory, and hes got a pretty cool personality. He does that sort of thing I do, where he wears masks of personalities. Cant really say much more without spoilers.

Last person I'm gonna mention is Benedict. Benedict appeared about 3 times, only for maybe a page each time. Benedict is by FAR my favourite i just love him.

Other characters of note that I cant really bother talking about and dont have much to say about are Donovan (Kerrigans brother, hes got some stuff at the end but its all big spoilery stuff), Nova and Vincent (Twins, theyre pretty cool, in Bly and Emersons team in the revenant games), and Demezela, a fuckass witch (I HATE HER GUTS AGH)

Next, we're onto worldbuilding Many people had problems with aspects, like the origins of witches and vampires, but honestly? The characters dont know what happened, not the humans or the vampires or the witches, so why should we know? Others also have issues with the games themselves. They say why would the vampires and witches encourage humans to hunt them? Well one big reason, is immortality. They get bored. They want to feel alive. So they risk their lives. And they want the blood of the enemy side. Theres many other reasons it could be, but on the side of vampires we hear the boredom side a lot.

And onto the plot. So, I wasnt really into it at the start, although by page 30 I was honestly quite enjoying it, although Bly was infuriating at times. Vampires, witches, murder...its cool. Also at the beginning Kerrigan sorta flirted with Vincent and Emerson so bonus points? There were some scenes that sorta meant nothing to the plot but i loved them anyway. Vampires? Making out? Bites? Sign me up, am I right?

Havent been doing brilliant recently but this has been a great distraction, even if it only took me three nights to read (i went to bed at 11pm i swear!!! Reasonable time!!!)

Overall yeah, I really enjoyed the book

Note: It's a series, book 2 isnt out yet

[sinistersundown]

whenever you want to share them i would LOVE to hear any/all of your thoughts about the ecology of the realm of darkness :o !!!

YAYYYYYYY yayy ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so, it’s hard to conceptualise how everything exists in relation to eachother as the games present it, they’re vibe based, so if I think about things too long it’s pretty surreal as it’s shown. I dont think this is a bad thing to be clear, obviously not everything needs to be speculative biology. I just like to fill in how details work from the perspective of someone who lives there

I’m going to start with some things relating to the realm of light and how it connects with the realm of darkness

worlds falling to darkness is a necessary dormancy period kind of like winter or sleep. The frequency of this depends on the individual world

The sleeping world stare is a protective mechanism, hibernation to preserve itself and the organisms that live on it. keyblade wielders don’t always need to wake them up and doing so too early is bad in the long run, worlds don’t get to sleep that often they need their rest

I don’t know how much you know about 4 dimensional space, i definitely barely understand it, but I’ve found that explaining how the realms of light and darkness relate using this makes the most sense to me. 4 dimensional space adds another coordinate axis, so, the realm of light connects to the realm of darkness in that direction.

and worlds exist at various,- depths isn’t the right word, I think ana and kata is often used to describe the additional axis as something like up and down, in that order, but it’s hard to use those properly in a sentence- they are at different places along that additional axis and slowly “rise and fall” over time like tides or waves. they don’t exclusively move in this direction they float around all over the place

artificially introducing a bunch of darkness to a world will cause it to “sink”

the realm of darkness mirrors the realm of light before it broke into seperate worlds. the movement of the worlds is copied by the realm of darkness, so things are always shifting about. the closer a world is to the realm of darkness the more its details reflect on that area of the realm of darkness. when a world falls to darkness that spot is where it sits.

the exchange of resources that is the result of this is vital for everything to function and is really the only way for things to move between worlds aside from keyblade wielders (they aren’t the only people who can travel between worlds obviously but it’s a lot harder otherwise) the swarms of heartless get nutrients from a fallen world and then die somewhere else eventually. It’s totally possible for a world to go to sleep the wake up with a new species of flower showing up because its seeds got stuck to some heartless that carried it over

I can’t remember if it’s established what heartless eat actually, I do think they have a variety of food sources, they don’t all have mouths but the ones that do could probably get something out of meat or berries or whatever. Probably varies between types

they don’t hunt eachother so much as they-do you know those browser games where you play as a circle that eats smaller circles to become a bigger circle, they’re like that. like darkness is a lot like water I think it likes to stick to itself. so if a heartless absorbed a smaller heartless it’d be like, if you think of a heartless as a bunch of small particles and each particle stores one bit of that heartless’ memories, personality etc, then it’s consumed by a bigger heartless it’s like two cups of water being poured together but there’s no distinction between them, if you took a bit of water out of it then that isn’t the same as either of the cups of water you started with. Does this make sense i have no idea

But yeah worlds falling to darkness is like The major event “down” there, it follows a similar pattern to like a whale fall or when fish form massive shoals or migrate through in area

this ended up less ecology focused but everything effects everything, hopefully it all makes sense. The main take away is that keyblade wielders are cleaner wrasse which I will need to elaborate on another tjme. I’ve got more on this topic too but I’m out of energy and feel bad for taking a few days to answer. I really appreciate the ask it’s very fun to think about these things : D !!!

[chempack]

🍓 for your new X-Men OC please?

ummmmmmm..... hrmm.......... to be honest my good bitch i think i told you all i got on him. i can try to make up some stuff on the fly...

he just kind of woke up in the xmen universe (i dont fucking know anything about marvel do not ask me what world that is) and was like. HUH. where are my PARENTS

could really easily hide his power if he wanted bc of the nature of it; if he makes something suddenly exist in front of you, you'll go hey wtf that wasnt there before, but if he alters reality so that it was Always there, the new change in reality will make it so that you also think it was always there/remember it always being there

thats why he's seen as so dangerous; not only could he do literally whatever he wanted, he could make it so that nobody knew it ever happened. he could delete the country of norway from existence and nobody would remember it ever did exist

of course, there probably are mutants who would be somewhat resistent to this, in that they would still remember it. i dont know enough mutants to say exactly Who. but.

he cant alter his own memories because of the whole "cant change his soul" rule

his power is somewhat warped by his own perception and does occasionally come out funky. say he DID remove norway from existence; that would be a whooooole lot of people that never existed, memories never made, history that never happened. if he knew every single norwegian historic event that ever happened, every single person that ever went to norway, every memory someone has of a norwegian person, *then* he could truly wipe norway off the face of the earth, but since he doesnt know all of that, reality is just sort of left with an.. empty space, and people will, inevitably, notice something is Wrong

thats another reason his power is dangerous; even if he never intends to hurt anyone, he's only human (well, mutant, but– you know what i mean). people are emotional, and when powerful people have powerful emotions, sometimes bad things happen. if he tries to alter too much at once, he could break reality in ways he cant fix

again, thats why he doesnt fuck with crowds or global events; too much risk of fucking up reality entirely

i dont know why i chose norway for this

thank you for asking apparently i did have more to say about him

[pwnyta]

Genshin character Judgement after all these years of playing. I will judge looks, personality, and say my favorite voice! Now with 5-stars, alphabetical order PART 2.

(under the cut)

Definitely a a better looks than Ganyus... Cloud Retainer whats going on with you that your daughters are dressed this way tho... BUT. I love Shenhe. Her story was so good... her song still makes me cry. Its a shame she doesnt exist anymore LMAO.

Her CN and KR voices are best IMO. I dont mind her EN tho.

Cute design but I wish she was a regular Melusine. ALSO HYV sure has the nerve to do a 'RACISM BAD' storyline with her but still fucking refuse to add a playable character with dark skin or a different hair texture... especially in NATLAN which is based on the precolonial Americas and Africa... ITS A CHOICE. Really the only time we see darker skin characters with locs are ENEMIES. Fuck off. Sigewinne this isnt your fault baby close your eyes.

I dont like her EN VA at all but the rest are very cute.

King dripless. My god. Also he was WAAAAY to easily forgiven for what he did... But his personality is fun so I cant hate him.

His EN voice too is kinda goofy... but his other VAs have sexy voices. So good for them.

UGH.

UGHHH His EN VA got replaced because the old one was a creep but they replaced him with such a generic voice it kinda sucked. LMAO. Not as bad as his JP voice tho... why does he sound 12?

Venti my boy. It took me awhile to warm up to Venti but I like him a lot now. I WILL SAY... there a quite a few people who will tear down Zhongli for him and I hate them. To mischaracterize Zhongli to make Venti look better is crazy... for what? VenXiao? Its a choice. Its not Zhonglis fault hes got a better relationship with Xiao... also if Zhongli got people drunk without their consent or brushed aside Barbaras stalkers youd ring his neck.

THAT ALL SAID. Ventis fun. Good guy mostly. Im fairly certain he'll have a 2nd story come Natlan considering his connections to Vanessa.

I dont mind any of his VAs.

Biggest glow up in Genshin history. I kinda dont like that he deleted his misdeeds from the history of the world... BUT.... hes getting better and hes putting in effort to be better so I got over it. He was really great in this Summer event. Wish he wasnt fuckin BLUE tho. Ya know now that I think about how Scara deleted himself from the GI memory I guess thats why Nahida has a digital vibe.. I guess the tree IS like a computer... (I still think its weird) Also I named MY wanderer Galilei! To go with the Bohemian Rapsody theming hes got... also I chose Galilei over Galileo cuz 'Lil Ei' since hes one of Eis puppets. IM SO FUCKING GOOD.

I like his CN voice the best.... WHYD JP GO WITH THAT VOICE THATS SO FUNNY. WTF

Hot. There was a concept design where he had darker skin and an eyepatch... we coulda had it all. But he still looks great. WHAT WAS WITH HIS PAST THO!? WHY IS FONTAINE SO FUCKED UP IDK. ALSO WHY WOULD HE BE GUILTY OF KILLING HIS CHILD MURDERING FOSTER PARENTS?! WTF IS WRONG WITH FONTAINE!? LYNETTE GOT FUCKING SOLD TO SOME CREEPS! THEY ALSO LOCKED UP A PREGNANT WOMAN WHO GAVE BIRTH IN THEIR AND DIED AND WE HAD TO REUNITE THE GRANDDAUGHTER WITH HER GRANDFATHER AND I ONLY JUST REALIZED RIGHT BEFORE AND WAS LIKE 'WAIT A MINUTE IS THIS THAT RANDOM NPCS GRANDDAUGHTER!? IS THE REASON SHE NEVER WROTE HIM BACK CUZ SHE FUCKING DIED?!' and thats exactly what happened. HUGE fridge horror moment for me right before it was revealed in game. LMAO..... .... anyways.

No complaints on the VAs.

MAN I remember seeing her design leaked and being... just infatuated. Shes a rare W vs her concept design which gave her like bellbottoms and I was scared for a moment that THAT might be the design they went with BUT NO! We got THIS. Beautiful. Her personality is also SO fucking cute. Shes so cute. I love that she acts tough until someone is nice to her and she gets all flustered.... Shenhe saying she thought of her and Xianyun being all touched about it... ;w;... But also her badly haggling was so funny and she was cool with that one dude being kinda rude to HER but the minute he doubted Zhongli she got so mad in his defense... Shes so cute... I love her.

EN VA clears. I think she does the best illustrating Xianyuns personality.

My mans Xiao... I thought I wouldnt like him since Im not fond of tsundere characters but hes a good boy. Also hes a Zhongli stan so how can I NOT love him. His quest in the Chasm was particularly good... ;w; the way I cried when Paimon shouted 'XIAO!!!!' LMAO.. that hurt my feelings even though I knew HYV didnt have the balls to kill him.

I think his EN VA sound SUPER petulant mostly but the deranged way he says USELESS and DISAPPEAR!!!! makes me laugh so I dont actually mind it... that said the others all clear him.

I dont like Yae as much as I thought I would when I first saw the Inazuma cast leak... but I still like her and her relationship with Ei (and Gorou) but im not that attached.... like I guess thats sorta how I feel for more of the Inazuma cast TBH.

JP voice clears... I am not immune to ARA ARA

Yelans outfit is so fucking GOOFY. Shes pretty tho... just wish she had better clothes.... Her character is great too but shes probably one of the characters Im LEAST invested in Liyue.

Her EN voice is sexy as hell.

MY FAVORITE INAZUMA GIRL!! The babiest. I love her so much. Shes so damn cute and lovely and her quest with the Aranara was weird... but adorable and I love her. Shes the only bow DPS I even TRIED to pull for. They could never make me hate you Yoimiya!!! Ive loved her from the minute I saw her on the leaked Inazuma cast lineup.

I like her JP voice the best~

AH. Finally... the TRUE BABYGIRLEST. My handsome dad, my beautiful son, MY BEAUTIFUL SUN, MY PRINCESS... MY QUEEN. I love Zhongli so much... I can never leave Genshin no matter how annoyed I get with it because this demon right here. Hes got me by the heartstrings. Like with Navia (GEO STAY WINNING) I know when hes got a part in a story they just cant fuck it up. Hes also dripped out to hell. I hope SOMEDAY we actually get a story about YOU instead of random history... not that I havent enjoyed the blasts from the past (especially Azhdaha my second favorite character) but like... WHAT ABOUT YOU SPECIFICALLY TELL ME....

I love all of Zhonglis VAs. I like EN and CN the best tho.

---

Again with Natlan I dont know the star rating Im just guessing.

Pretty my guaranteed 5-star... I liked her design a lot more before it was pointed out that her zipper goes all the way up her ass... now her outfit is kinda gross. Also nothing about it really reads like the cultures Natlan takes from so similar to Nahida... Im kinda disappointed. Shed also look better with at least a tan...

Im so surprised people on Twit are obsessed with this design... its so fuckin boring... her animations are super cute tho.

I guess its fine. Like with Nahida... i dont like the weird digital-ness of him. The color palate is pretty great tho. (hed look better with a darker skin tone tho)

Shes so damn hot. A rare W from the Natlan cast. She'd look better with a darker skin tone tho.

UGH.

Capitano.... please... Please look good by the end of your story. I have such a sinking feeling youre Ororon... Please dont be. Id be so disappointed. Hasnt Natlan done enough to disappoint me.... I know you wont be playable if youre the spooky faceless monster I want but at least dont be fucking boring... PLEASE.

[chanquokka]

2, 6,21 and 24 for the ask game 😇

hihi! 2. three last songs you listened to: ik bagal, by piyush mishra, a song ive recently been obsessed with (could only find the eng trans from a vid thats also a cover here), koi by gen hoshino(!!) and cobalt by mob choir

6. three songs you wish you could erase from history (because they’re terrible): im v bad at remembering stuff i like in the first place afsh apologies for the cop out but im pretty sure ive either never disliked a song sm to wish its inexistence, and if i did, certainly dont remember it anymore

21. three songs of your childhood: a little difficult a little fun! ill say aashiyan from barfi, half bcs this album and all its songs r still my favorite years later (movie too!!) and half bcs i have way too nice memories of performing this song as a kid at an event at dad's work and getting complimented a lot (it was aided tho, im sure, by my front teeth missing). second would be ae mere zohra jabeen, a veeery old classic bollywood song, and v much beloved to me both when i was tiny and straining to catch my ma's radio during hw and now when i can add it to all my playlists. third!! raabta by shreya ghoshal, a song that annoys me a lot now simply bcs ive heard it >2000 times bcs it was such a (deserved) rage when it came out for a few yrs

24. three favourite old songs: tere naam! by alka yagnik (listened to a newish cover, fell in love, found its original version, fell sm in love!!) id again mention ae mere zohra jabeen by manna dey bcs i never get over how sweet and cute of an old song it is. third, kaheen dur jab din dhal jaye, movie anand bcs heyy its lyrics, i really love whats it abt!!

im not surprised its just wholly old bollywood bcs thats what majority of kids in india grow up on, either by their parents love for it, or being a kid in the era itself. plus! i could never rec old bollywood enough, its either so catchy that u cheer the love its talking abt, or so poetic that u..cheer the love its talking abt, half of the time managing to be both. not to mention the iconic voices with legions of songs to their names. thank u for asking, i had sm fun!!!

[newsies-demon-ducks]

lucifer memory dump (doubles ok to int!), maybe also looking for canon mates? lmk if any of this resonates with you (ESPECIALLY CHARLIE AND/OR MY NONCANON HELLHOUND)

i had a horrible memory due to depression and it made me forget a lot of important things like schedules and birthdays and pretty much all of charlies childhood. lilith got mad at me for it quite often

lilith and i never really got officially divorced, she just kinda up and left one day. she still talked to charlie, just not to me. it was about three years before she stopped talking to her too

i was autistic and adhd. like, bad. one of my most vivid mems was charlie talking to vaggie about something like, two feet away from me, and she looked back at me and went "plus i think hes autistic" and i said "no im not! i dont know that that is but i am not that."

my cane wasnt just for looks. keeping my wings hidden most of the time really did a number on my back

adam and i started dating in secret sometime in between episodes five and six. he warned me ahead of time that the extermination was being moved from six months to one, and that it had been seras idea. i didnt believe him until it was too late

he wasnt NEARLY as bad of a guy as he is in the show not by a LONG SHOT. he was foul mouthed and had anger issues but he had a lot of respect for his troops, especially lute. they were best friends. he was also homoromantic bisexual and it took him until we started dating to realize that that was the reason why he wasnt happy with lilith or eve

after ep 8, he came to my palace as a sinner telling me he had fallen (which! holy shit had it been a long time since there was any fallen angels of such a high status)

he and i had adopted a hellhound at some point. he named her after lute. she was a little dalmatian that looked a bit like the background one from helluva boss with heart shaped spots and one white eye and one pink eye. charlie loved her SO much. i remember handing little lute to her and she just started bawling. when she turned 17 i made her a deal that as long as she was okay with being a public royal figure (she had been mostly out of the limelight), she could also be immortal like the rest of our family.

another kid related thing was cain was the only one of adams kids that ended up in hell. he didnt have a special demon form, he just looked like a normal human. i reintroduced them (kinda hard to not keep track of the first other sinner!) and he became part of the family too (though not nearly on the same level as lute or charlie, he just dropped in every now and then)

there was some sort of massive falling event where a bunch of angels had gotten kicked out of heaven after they instated more official rules. adam ran a program on one half of the hotel to get them more accustomed to life in hell, sort of like the opposite of charlies plan

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

umineko,...

episode 1, part 6

.

UH OH !!!

do you think this is a bad sign?

what IS that. jesus christ no one let maria see this. and there was the same red paint.... on natsuhis doorknob? this is like when you play a game of werewolf and on a new morning you are informed the werewolf tried to kill someone but they were protected by another persons power. which someone else could mistake for her being the culprit. i guess.

if this happened to me and a bunch of relatives went missing, the landline mysteriously died, followed by the appearance of an omnious cross pattée summoning circle thing that is Clearly written in blood. idk what id do. probably accuse grandpa.

top 10 images that preceed unfortunate events

oh battler we are really in it now. dude imagine being this guy. text advance speed is limited in the following scene, which is very effective. you HAVE to listen to battler cry. you have to listen to his grief and how much he hated his father but Not Enough For This To Happen. the portraits and character illustrations in the menu change. you see enough to imagine the detail vividly, even without gorey imagery.

:(

the state the bodies are in is quite unique. i wonder. is this about erasing their memory by erasing the face they could be remembered by? is this about losing face, a sign that they have lost their right to respect and honour? is it about getting rid of the most identifyable human part of them? its very interesting. it really rids the scene of every shred of dignity it could have maybe still had, its deeply offensive, it makes them all appear more equal to each other, and the lack of a face turns corpses into mere bodies. not sure if krauss and shannon only missing half their face is of significance.... maybe a sign to mark them as special? or a direct attack on their respective partners, who are very much still alive? both? it seems too purposefully written into it to be meaningless.

this weird objectification is what instantly made me check the character screen as the scene unfolded. the descriptions of the characters changed as well, suggesting a cycle of death and rebirth i dont understand yet, that the victims were chosen by chance, and possibly that this will repeat again in the story.

is that what the riddle is? if the first deaths are always random, is picking the suiting victims for the next days a part of the ritual? or is it more a of a prophetic vision of one time events after all?

and sure enough "those who remain shall tear apart the two who are close" accurately describes what i assume is about to happen... the two with the best motives to kill are eva and hideyoshi (getting rid of other heirs and the servant girl their son is obviously in love with... no idea about gohda. hideyoshi liked him.) so i expect there to be a lot of blame directed towards these two.

BACK TO MY FAVOURITE SUBJECT it says a lot about natsuhi how she reacted to the scene. she stands in silence, does not ask for help, in the rain, as if to punish herself or maybe to look specifically unbothered. she is not giving anyone present an opening that can be exploited, she isnt showing any weakness. she instantly turns to her most loved hobby for comfort instead: she wishes to organize the situation and takes on a leading role for the family.

related to this, kanons reaction is of importance too. he is the servant who brings up being emotionless furniture the most, who previously stated he was raised with the purpose of being a tool and that things such as emotions and playtime just werent made for him. he doesnt cry but man he is very well close to it. the only bit of sentimental distraction he allowed himself was loving shannon and that too is lost to him now. death as an equalizer works as intended. he is, like the ushiromiya coursins too, just a person right now, consumed by grief like everyone else too.

but even death cannot make natsuhi and eva stand on common ground. despite it all, they are still fighting. god these women are obsessed with each other. i dont even mean this in a "i love gay people" way, just in a "i morbidly obsessed watching them destroy each other" way.

sorry to everyone in this novel who still thinks theyre dealing with a normal crime scene. understandable!!! but they dont know. they dont know magic is real (probably) yet. only maria instantly connected the murders to the riddle and she is entirely calm and without worry. its clear that her mother will soon be resurrected to her.

yeah how do you even start explaning this to a 9yo

[ajdrawshq]

ztd crossover with kh but it's just Carlos meeting Terra, Diana meeting Aqua and Sean meeting Ven. Cursed or blessed concept. Go

HM. WELL. i immediately leaned toward cursed bc like (gestures vaguely at ztd) but that feels mean so im gonna try putting some thought into this

Carlos and Terra :] very good pair for the most part i think. just 2 big older bros doing what they do to try to help people.. but it all goes to shit kupo. i can see them getting along pretty well, both due to their personal experiences and bc of who they are in general. also now that i think abt it its kinda funny that both of them happen to be plagued by visions but only Carlos' have an actual explanation?? Terra morphogenetic field moment?? even funnier is that both of them have the same "welp. anyway" reaction to it like yeah this just happens sometimes 👍 kind of unfortunate Terra couldnt use his to prevent bad things from happening too but oh well. its not like hopping timelines is that easy in his universe anyway. Terra still gets bonus points on an individual level bc while there was very little he couldve done differently there Are things Carlos couldve just uh. not done. yknow. things that i think Terra would kick his ass over tbh

Diana and Aqua.... oof. on god we're gonna get u girls some therapy. they were both so severely fucked over by like. literally everything from ingame events to the narrative itself. trapped in two different but absolute hellholes of sitautions for Very Long Amounts of Time and only called upon as a pawn in a game that both defines and ruins their lives and their entire world, and they barely even know it. and the only people they get to talk to at some point in their respective hells are Sigma and Micheal Mouse (and Terra sort of).. yea i think id lose it too tbh. its interesting that Diana was a 100% crucial part of why ztd happened while Aqua's role in Xehanorts plan wasnt really until ddd/kh3 unless u count him planning the whole end of bbs.. before that she was more of an outside force? not that taking her out wouldnt change anything ofc but her direct actions were more harmful to the overall plan than going according to it. i might need to play bbs again to confirm that more but uhh i forgot where i was going with this. i could see them getting along but i dont really remember enough about Diana as a person to know just how well they would? i guess itd at least be nice to have someone else who knows what their oddly specific and horrific situations are like, more or less

finally Sean n Ven.. Man. talk abt kids who cant catch a break for their entire lives no matter how outragously short OR long. they both just have a Lot going on and play some of the most major roles in their respective stories and god knows they didnt ask for any of it!! tho weirdly enough i dont feel much for Sean considering how he fits into the kinda characters i usually get attached to. but maybe thats just bc it was ztd. anyway !! out of the 3 duos here i think these two are most likely to become actual friends. from the memory fuckery to having a greater role in everything than they couldve imagined (both of them essentially being a key at some point..) to even just. having a very limited world in some way. and not having full control over their bodies. and several other major things im probably forgetting they both have. lots and lots and lots of things. they are friends to me

and just some general other thoughts - while im. not entirely sure how to feel abt what ztd does with the morphogenetic field i can at least appreciate the weird memory stuff that comes with body hopping and the possibilities that has when tied to all the other weird memory stuff that already happens in kh for similar or different reasons. like the way ztd (and vlr to some extent) went about it didnt quite hit the way i wanted it to but the concept is cool to me? itd be fun to play around with it in the context of kh i think. or vice versa. altho maybe introducing multiple timelines to the kh universe isnt the best idea.. hm. much to think about

but yeah!!!! overall verdict: mostly blessed with some underlying hints of cursed. like a weird aftertaste

[spade-club]

Disorder disorder. Why must you fail me so.

Its so annoying that like. I can have a 2 day flashback and then just forget entirely about it and go "yeah so that trauma literally cant have happened" shut the fuck up. It did. It happened. And it probably happened a lot. If this was just a one time event we wouldnt have at minimum 2 people holding the trauma of it. Unless of course everything else is also really fucked up but either way shit fucking happened to us. We cant just sweep this under the rug. Now is the best time to address it. Lets think about it. Lets consider all avenues. When did it happen? Where did it happen? Is this two+ isolated events? Or was it one repeat event? Or did it only happen once? Was it the church we went to? Was it that group trip we went on? Was it family? We seem to have a mental block on all three of those for a reason. Which one of them did this specific thing to us though? There has to be a reason we have such a bad religious trauma response and no memory of ever holding a religion. What happened there? Why cant you remember a face or voice or a single word said by whoever was in charge? But you can remember the other kids... why? You know you were there for years, right? Years. And you dont remember it. That has to mean something. The parking lot did always confuse you. Maybe theres a reason. Maybe theres a reason. Why are your memories trying so hard to change themselves right now? You see that too right? They're changing. They're hiding something. I wholeheartedly believe it happened there. Why else do you think Bee is so obsessed with morality? Why else does she taunt us like that? What power dynamic is she imitating? Of course something happened there. Of course we had to insist on going to church... of course we insisted it would be good for us... and we did stop wanting to, didnt we. Do you remember what we were told when we asked to stop going? We were told we wanted this. We asked for this. This is what we wanted. So we kept going. We did ask for this after all. When do you think he had the time to do it? I mean, if he had to take you all the way out of the building, when did he have the time? Stop doubting me. Listen to me. Listen. This is real. This happened. We need to get to the bottom of this. Maybe it didnt happen at church, maybe. But something did. And we have to figure something out.

Fuck. I lost it all. Another time I guess...

[real-camera]

so i dont actually have a lot of stories about getting injured, and that number is wayy lessened due to my kinda bad memory so if it’s fine, im just gonna infodump a bit abt the summary of the brain-multiverse in my mind bc thats the only thing i can remember mostly clearly with a timeline (<- has been building the world since before covid)

uhh so like we start with characters made from songs or stories, ocs to do cool stuff, and at some point i realized that there’s too many universes so i do a purge of them with a ceremony, the multiverses (at that time, only one multiverse) are destroyed, yet still remain as fragments for the characters

i make an oc that i plan to use more frequently than the others, and the other previously main characters are still main characters, im just not making them the spotlight character, or the character that i focus on/imagine from their perspective-ish, as of that time. All the previously made characters (like a hundred kinda developed ones bc they tend to stick to a genre of music or story) are now in the same universe, but none of them have the memory of the previous multiverse. due to my character’s (call them M for now) backstory and role in the world (which would take too long to actually explain) theyre one of the few who are actually aware of the multiverse, with the multiverse being canon in their memories due to the multiverse being part of the ‘host’ M. they are able to travel multiverses, but can only interfere with select labeled multiverses (interactables?)

there’s chaos events (limited to the universe, caused by C) world events (limited to the universe, caused by world/NOT outside interference, and universe events (limited to universes of that type, cause is kinda funky depending on the event)

so im not too sure about all of that, they may change, they may get more added on, doesnt matter because for every thing that is, there is one where it isnt and many inbetween

so now that we got the Origin multiverse, or the High Magic multiverse, due to many people there and the world being very powered, and kinda op compared to the other worlds, its part of the Named side, in which basically all the characters are named.

Then we move onto the semi-Named side, originally based in a Danganronpa world so Ultimates and stuff exist before eventually adding magic. theres also an M there, however very few other characters there are also named compared to the High Magic multiverse. the M there is different from the M in the High Magic in what they are, their origins, and a lot of stuff, however they are also aware of the multiverses due to how their character originated and branched from the other M

while some characters are exclusive to their multiverses, some characters are in both, so in the crossover universes (in which the higher magic universe crosses to the lower one, as they have magic to spare so they can bridge the gap) there may be more than one character with the same name and appearance

there’s also those two people, not M, who have their own lore i wont be saying but who are related in some way (cousins or brothers or idk) who literally moved from High Magic to Middle Magic, so the Ms check up on them from time to time.

then there’s the Low Magic multiverse where magic is rarer. (High Magic has magic, basically everyone is magic in some way, and there’s a lot. Middle Magic has magic, most people have magic, there’s not really a lot but also not little. Low Magic has magic, it’s rare to have magic, and the amounts of magic there is kinda lower than average.)

this one is odd bc i spent the least time here so each plotline/universe varies from each other in many ways

i have to be kinda vague bc each M has a different plotline and if it was different enough for me to know it, it’s different enough from other Ms. also important note: magic isn’t exactly magic, im just saying it because that’s the easiest explanation

now i think that’s basically the gist of it? theres been a recent development in which i switched spotlight characters in the High Magic (i often use High or Middle Magic) and im starting to develop another character a bit more now, also adding more characters as well lol, but besides that, yeah that’s the summary :3

uhhh idk if this summary infodump was fine but oh well, i dont have injuries that i remember that seemed important

uhhhhhhh

@hero-dualies-3 ?? idk i dont talk to my other mutuals i talk/interact the most with like two mutuals and one of them tagged me

open if anyone not tagged wants to join ig

it's so weird to me that everyone on this website is a human person outside of their weird internet niche so rb this with a random bit of your lore

[heiayen]

little finch furina&qiqi&gn!reader

summary: in an unexpected turn of events, you and furina end up babysitting little qiqi.

tags: can be read both as romantic and platonic for the relationship between [name] and furina, depending on how you choose to read this! as it says in the summary <3 wholesome drabble, no dialogues written. part 1 (watching gaming's perfomance) part 2 (playing with kites) part 3 (picking qingxins) part 4 (visiting the hulao mountain and bringing food as an offering) part 5 (trying out food stalls)

notes: my sixth entry for @/astronetwrk new lunar year event!! passes out!!! I DID IT!! okay look this was super cute to write but im super uncreative as to how u can spend time with kids because i dont spend time with kids. anyways. enjoy.

Somehow, you and Furina ended up with a very adorable, little zombie under your wings for the day, Qiqi. The story of how was one you didn’t quite understand, but… that was something that has happened.

You weren’t someone who knew how to babysit and especially wasn’t Furina, but you promised to do great nonetheless. 

(By the end of the day, you thought that you and Furina did an amazing job, given that it was your first time babysitting like this. You hoped Baizhu would also agree with it.)

Taking care of Qiqi was… a little hard, you had to admit. While she was a really adorable child, you didn’t know how to take care of a zombie whose memory wasn’t the best. But Baizhu was kind enough to leave you some advice on taking care of her, so it wasn’t that bad. You would dare to say that if given the chance, you would happily spend time with her again.

On Furina’s side, things were… going surprisingly nice, too, despite being awkward at first. While you were sitting in the kitchen, trying to prepare something to eat for Qiqi, yourself, and Furina, you heard some soft singing. When you went to check on the sound, you saw that it was… Furina, trying her hardest to entertain little Qiqi with singing. After a moment you even heard another voice join her, although a little off-beat and monotone. 

You covered your lips with your hand and smiled, fighting down the urge to coo and interrupt them and after a moment of watching them, you went back to cooking.

(Sometime after that, you spotted Qiqi holding a plushie that reminded you a lot of the ones Furina had. you smiled to yourself upon seeing it. How adorable it was…)

After eating dinner, you decided to go on a walk to enjoy the rest of the day somewhere in the fresh air. The sun was hiding behind the clouds, the wind was gently blowing and it wasn’t too hot, perfect weather for a walk.

Qiqi asked you and Furina to hold her hands because, according to her, the wind could blow her away. You didn’t want that.

The walk itself was really nice, with Furina’s voice in the background, as she was talking about Fontaine’s latest movies. You saw Qiqi trying to follow her words and not get lost, but… she was having a little of a problem. Her attention on Furina’s words completely disappeared when suddenly, a lone finch flew past you three and, to everyone’s surprise, took a seat right at the top of Qiqi’s shoulder. 

Qiqi stood completely frozen, admiring the little birdie friend who came to visit her, and you two just watched her until the bird flew away.

By that time, Qiqi didn’t really remember what Furina was talking about just two minutes earlier. You laughed at Furina’s sigh and expression, earning a little frown from her.

After the walk Qiqi was tired, so she took a nap, leaving you and Furina to gossip and talk while the little zombie was sleeping. And to also plan the rest of the day…

When the nap was over (and it was longer than you thought it would be), you decided to spend the rest of the day in some funny, creative way. You ended up bringing some spare paper sheets and crayons and just… draw with her. 

You weren’t the best artist, but you still found doodling fun. You and Qiqi started drawing the things you saw today, like the little finch that sat on Qiqi’s shoulder! She didn’t remember anymore how the finch looked in details, so you drew it with her together. 

You helped her pick the colors, helped her draw, and soon, you had a beautiful drawing of a yellow and green finch. She said it reminded her of a friend, which you found absolutely adorable.

With time, Furina joined you. Yet instead of drawing with you and Qiqi, she decided to strike the coolest, fanciest, and prettiest poses for you and Qiqi to draw. You would never manage to do her justice in your silly little drawings, but you tried hard.

Qiqi tried too. Oh, she could be an artist if she practiced more! You really could see the resemblance in her drawings of Furina… even if it took you a second to connect which shape meant what. Still, you knew that Qiqi put genuine effort into this and it was really sweet to you.

After that Furina, of course, ushered you to model for the new rising artist, none other than Qiqi and, a little reluctant, you did it. It was different posing for silly photos with qingxins and for someone to draw! But you enjoyed it in the end, especially after seeing Qiqi’s drawings. 

The rest of the day went fast, spent drawing, talking and other things until Baizhu came over to pick Qiqi up, thanking you two for taking care of her.

That was a rather unexpected day, but one you would remember for a long, long time.

[one-abuse-survivor]

hey there ! anon with the abusive sister here. hope you're doing okay ! (if i've already sent in an ask pls ignore the last one—my memory is super bad rn and i cant really remember if i did or not-)

thank you so much for your kind words !! september went really well and she didn't show up ! i was a bit stressed, and did spend the first two days feeling incredibly sick from stomach cramps. on the bright side, i invited my friend down and spoke to her and her mum about the trauma and they both said that it sounds like i have ptsd (i trust them both on their opinions because my friend has ptsd from something in her childhood that affected her really badly, so she has first-hand experience about living with ptsd). they both suggested that i go to therapy, which i think my parents are warming up to, but we're all concerned about social services getting involved. we've had negative experiences with social services before, and we dont want them making a fuss of things. we're also worried that i might not be believed or that it will get downplayed as 'sibling rivalry.' although, sometimes my parents backtrack and downplay it themselves and say that it 'wasnt that bad' which really, really hurts. i've given up trying to explain how her abuse affected me and i dont really talk about it with my parents anymore, since my mum always brings up something from her childhood which was worse. sometimes i start to wonder if im making it all up for attention, and that my hatred towards her is distorting things...then i remember my lack of memories, a particular event when i was around 12/13 that terrified me, and a mental breakdown i had in the school locker room, in the middle of the day, because of the gaslighting text messages she sent me.

my sister's been causing trouble recently because it was my birthday in early december (the only birthday i can remember was last year's and the year before—i cut her off three months before that first birthday i can remember) and then it was christmas, so she wanted presents. she also changed her name to her birth father's name (we have separate dads, thank god) which upset my mum quite a lot. it didnt help that my mum's side of the family spent christmas together and never invited us down, which sucked and made us realise that, to them, my parents and i aren't very important to my toxic family members. i got over that pretty quickly, though.

i do have a question: how do i comfort myself when im triggered/feeling sad or overwhelmed from the abuse? my dog and rabbit died within three months of each other, and they were my main sources of comfort whenever things got too much or mental illness was too bad. now that they're gone, though, im finding myself feeling quite disconnected from reality—especially now that my rabbit is gone. everything seems more overwhelming then it did before. im not sleeping well, or im sleeping too much (either way im still exhausted when i get up) and i seem to be getting triggered more and more by physical touch and sounds.

thank you so much in advance !! have a nice day :D

Hi again! ❤️

I'm really glad your sister didn't show up during September after all, and really glad you had people around you who were understanding about your trauma.

I'm sorry your parents haven't been as supportive as they should be, though. It's awful that they try to downplay your abuse and tell you they went through worse. If your mum had experiences she considers "worse" than yours, then she should go to therapy herself so she can talk about them, and not use them to downplay your own experiences. Trauma isn't a competition, and what matters isn't who had it "worse". What matters is what each individual person needs so they can be safe and eventually heal and/or learn to live with their trauma. I'm glad you have proof of your sister's abuse that you can resort to when doubt starts creeping in. But just in case you need to hear it: no, you are not making anything up for attention. Your sister abused you.

Ugh, it sucks that she caused trouble again during Christmas and your birthday. It's great that you got over all of it quickly, but you shouldn't have to put up with her or any toxic family member's crap.

Also, I'm really sorry for your loss :( It's always hard to lose a pet, but I can't imagine how devastating it must be when they were your main source of comfort when triggered.

Here is a list of healthy coping skills you can check out. Since your pets used to help you, maybe you can try soothing yourself through touch, like using stuffed toys, blankets or soft clothes. They might have the same effect as holding your pets close did. Smells can also be very helpful; have you got any blankets that smell like them? Are there any other smells in general that you like and that you can carry around with you?

Something that can also help is to make an easily accessible list of things that soothe you as you find them. You can make it (and update it) when you're feeling fine, and that way, you'll be able to look at it when you get triggered and you won't have to come up with ways to soothe yourself when you're already in that state of emotional distress.

Alongside the list, you can even have an emergency box filled with things that bring you comfort, like soft toys, fidget toys, things that smell nice, or anything else you can think of that might distract you or make you feel better. When I made mine, I filled it with sticker sheets because stickers soothe me, and also with lists of all my comfort shows, movies and videogames.

Other than that, have you considered adopting another pet? It' might not be a possibility, but if it is, I think it could really help, since you already know that being near animals when you're triggered helps you calm down.

Hope some of this helps, and hope you're doing well. Sending a big virtual hug ❤

[asexualannoyance]

#well so did neil #but thats how he copes w a lot of his own trauma honestly #he disassociates. he forgets. and if he still remember he tries to forget #the two traumatic events that stick w him and he dwells on are his mothers death and the man being chopped up #he has stated time and time again that awful things have been done to him. that he was basically gutted by his fathers ppl #and i suppose he does dwell on that minutely. to mention it. but its an aside #he usually dwells on running. the fear of getting caught than all the implied injuries he has #when youre running you cannot afford to process certain events #correct me if im wrong but i also remember it implied that nathan abused neil in a way he instinctually knows not to touch him back #but neil rarely dwells on the full extent of this abuse. he rarely dwells on so much until its right in front of him #honestly evermore is just a classic. breakdown. dont think. dont think. drink like im on the road again w my mother. run- #from the thoughts so i can be strong enough not to bolt #also doesnt neil mention andrews memory vs his own. and how there are gaps in his own where he knows something bad happened #<- im being v iffy on if that happened. my memory is literally the worst thing in the world. disregard if untrue #anyways where was i going w this? #dissassociative. neil disassociates. you can also see this in his identity issues. neil vs nathaniel vs other identities #on the run he tries to become someone else. when shit really goes bad he goes back to nathaniel to deal w it. nathaniel to lock up the panic #sorry for rambling this is nonsense until my reread where i can actually analyze neil #i honestly think jean is more traumatized by what was done to neil than neil was (via @limonjarritos)

you are so fucking correct!!!

that boy dissociates so fucking much—i just have to think about that scene where Abby bandages up his arms after Baltimore and how Neil mentally checks out the second Andrew gets him out of his panic attack upon seeing his arms, like, it's just his first defense against anything traumatic happening to him or seeing the aftermath—he shoves it down, doesn't think about it (or tries to) and blacks it out

like, he comes back from Evermore and barely remembers anything, he is genuinely shocked when he sees what happened to his appearance because he forgot that it got changed, and it even takes him some time to unearth the memory of him not signing the contract because he dissociated so hard during that time that nothing really stuck, which is so fucking interesting!

and yeah, his body would still remember which makes the lack of (trauma) reactions in the books a little weird, but here i'm just gonna say that Nora probably either didn't think about it too hard or it just wasn't relevant to the narration (just think about how Neil during the championships game does not mention the wounds on his arms once as far as i remember, lmao)

i fear we moved on from jean revealing that neil had been waterboarded at evermore far too quickly