#they genuinely looked better then 'cause they were the target

[tarraxahum]

remember when youtube was technically a social media with customization and dms

because I frequently forget

I'll open one of those nostalgic "old youtube" front ends that are designed to look like 2013 or some such and be completely blindsided like WOW do not remember it looking like that. despite spending a lot of time on it back then. huh.

[hvlcy0n]

SAY IT (PT. 1) . . . hayato suo x fem!reader

+ you’ve never reciprocated any of suo’s confessions of love, but a chance to eavesdrop on a conversation among you and your friends grants him all the insight he needs.

+ 4.2k words

+ NSFW (MINORS DNI) // UNEDITED // brief mentions of sex // mentions of edging at the end // brief mentions of overstimulation // mentions of past heartbreak/insecurities // established relationship // manipulation // i got all the big stuff but i’m definitely forgetting some minor stuff i’m just tired of looking at this

+ this is my first time writing suo so plEASE cut me some slack, i got tired of seeing it every time i opened google docs. i left any descriptions/names of your friends extremely vague on purpose so you can fill in whoever. the NEXT part of this will be centered around smut, but this one was more just kinda the build-up to his decision to push you out of your comfort zone.

suo has always been able to see right through you.

granted, that was his area of expertise—the ability to pierce through people’s defenses as if they were nothing more than a gossamer film and unearth whatever information he resolved to discover. he was regarded as dangerous by both allies and enemies, capable of sinking his fingertips into peoples’ psyches and peeling back the layers until their self–control began to fracture and ruby welled beneath his touch and trickled down to obscure his opponents’ vision in an all–consuming bloodlust that left them vulnerable and uncoordinated. 

he had a critical eye and a terrifying intuition; and while his friends wouldn’t trade him for the world, they were also aware of the uncharted territory of suo’s complex character—not to mention the existence of a small distance between them that had been discreetly established by suo himself. while he genuinely enjoyed the presence of his friends, he valued his privacy and space, and he often kept information about him restricted. he was more enigmatic than anything else. 

so, when suo offhandedly mentioned having a girlfriend, they were shocked. although emotionally intelligent, none of his friends pegged him as a romantic, his secrecy and manipulative tactics seemingly too insurmountable an obstacle in a relationship. generally, he was kind and respectful, but his demeanor could flip on a dime in the face of discourteous behavior. he could be mean—unfair.  it wasn’t uncommon for him to mask his slick tongue and cruelty behind refined language and his gentlemanly composure as he subjected his targets to public humiliation. sometimes, his emotions could get the better of him, and he could be frightening when they do. a gentleman? maybe. but there’s more nuance to him than that.

unbeknownst to them, suo was remarkably softer with you. warmth and genuine kindness emanated from every content smile and careful dance of his hands over your skin, calloused fingertips bearing an ardent reverence that would cause even aphrodite to flush. the sharp edge to his tongue smoothed, his teasing light-hearted and devoid of the faint, underlying drip of venom that could sometimes be heard punctuating his words if someone listened closely enough. when he observed you, his eyes glowed with innocuous curiosity and rather than distant analysis. 

the more time he spent with you, the more he could read you like an open book, deft fingertips tracing over even your most tattered, weathered pages and the most smudged ink to wholly bare the contents of your soul to him. he sought to know you in your entirety—your likes and dislikes, how you like to be touched, how you react to certain things. after all, the more he knows about you, the better he can protect you. 

the better he can love you.

love.

that’s a tricky subject for you to navigate, he’s learned.

you were never one to shy away from his affection. in fact, you clearly delighted in the attention he lavished you with. there was never a question as to whether you would hurry to lace your fingers with his if he reached out to you, if you would lean into his caresses, or if you would let him pepper kisses across your cheeks. you were so receptive to his ministrations, so much so that it was almost natural for your body to drift toward his in search of some sort of closeness. whatever he doled out, you returned, and that included the light banter and flirtatious remarks you two often exchanged. you fascinated him, kept him on his toes. 

the only area of your relationship that you fell short in was verbal confessions of love. suo knew that you were fiercely protective of your heart, already having subjected it to enough bruises and scrapes throughout your life to make you want to guard it to the best of your abilities. he was fortunate as it was that you had trusted him enough to relinquish it to him.

he knew that you were still learning to navigate the choppy waters of vulnerability—true vulnerability. it was easy enough to bask in suo’s attention and rely on his ability to comprehend the unspoken, but to say the words aloud would be to speak it into being, to charge the universe with the magnetic force that will bind your fate to his, to make it real. you never said anything that you didn’t mean, and suo understood that after all your hard work fortifying your emotions, to openly admit it would require you to let down your guard entirely and let him in.

there’s no doubt in his mind that you love him. he can feel it in the way you pour every ounce of heartfelt emotion into the kisses you press to his lips, your dedication toward memorizing and analyzing all of his microexpressions so that you can understand him on a deeper level, and the adoration that pools in your eyes like molten honey as you observe him when you think he isn’t paying attention. only a fool would mistake the depth of your feelings. 

he can read you like a book, that much is true, but it’s much more enjoyable to have it read to him line–by–line than to flip through the pages on his own. 

it’s quite endearing, actually, the way your skin would warm and your brain would stall whenever his lips would brush a saccharine “i love you” over the shell of your ear, or the way goosebumps would scatter across your skin and you would clench around him whenever he’d pair the words with a well–timed thrust inside you. he thrives off flustering you and witnessing your demeanor crumble into a delightful shyness that never fails to cause a small smile to tug at the corners of his lips.

even so, he sometimes finds himself yearning for that reassurance that you’re as irrevocably enamored with him as he is with you—that you crave him the way he craves you. he understands that it’s greedy of him and that he should tamp down such self–centered emotions. he knows what your feelings toward him are; it would be inconsiderate of him to pry you out of your shell until you’re ready in order to satisfy his own desires. the concept of love operates differently for different people, and he can accept that. 

it always slips his mind how swiftly things can change.

it was a complete coincidence when he’d stumbled upon you in the outdoor seating area of a restaurant, accompanied by a few  friends of yours. he recalled you telling him that you were going out for lunch with them, but he had no idea that his outing in search of a new pair of shoes to replace his worn ones would cause your paths to cross. he hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on your conversation, only to simply greet you and then continue about his business, but he paused when he heard his name leave one of your friends’ lips.

“so, are you and suo still together?”

oh? before he can even acknowledge the gravity of contravening your privacy, his body is sparked into motion all on its own. he’s quick to retreat, melting into the slanted shadow proffered by the slim alleyway he had been poised to exit, just beyond the scope of your view.

he’s well aware that this is an infraction of the trust you extended to him, but he forces himself to disregard the prick of guilt aside in favor of potentially learning valuable information about the inner workings of your brain. it may not be ideal, but it’s for the best, he reasons. what if you reveal to your friends ways that he could better serve as your boyfriend? what if you feel more comfortable explaining to your friends your reservations about returning his heartfelt confessions? besides, the conversation is technically also centered around him, so surely it would be rude to bar him from listening in.

“of course,” the thought of you denying your relationship was never a concern for suo. you both trust each other implicitly, but to hear you stake such an immediate, explicit claim over him rouses a ticklish spark of delight in his stomach all the same. you scoff, as if the idea was so improbable it was ridiculous. “i’ll tie that man up in my basement before i let him just leave.” suo chuckles gently to himself. perhaps you truly are as invested as he is, after all.

“the dick must be fucking life–altering, if that’s the case.” she laughs. “come on, tell us. is it?”

“wh—” suo’s lips settle into a small, amused smile as he watches you flounder under her questioning, eyes feverishly flitting to your other friends for help, only for each one of them to leave you to drown with their own wide–eyed, inquisitive stares. “oh, my god, i’m not telling you that!” nervous laughter wracks your chest. suo’s shrewd gaze can practically perceive the memories flickering through your brain as you try to maintain your composure, each one spliced together in a salacious collage that has blood thrumming beneath your skin. suo has always been one to fine–tune his craft, and his perfectionism extended to the bedroom as he used his meticulous attention to detail and acute awareness of your reactions to guide you to your peak over . . . and over . . . and over again until he was satisfied.

and of course, you knew that.

“but seriously,” another girl props her elbow on the table and rests her chin on her palm, observing you closely. “i’ve never seen you like this before. before him, you were all ‘ew, gross, men’—not to say that isn’t still valid, but y’know. maybe suo really is a good match for you.”

“do you love him?” the first girl pipes up ecstatically.

now we’re getting somewhere.

it requires significant concentration for suo not to laugh outright when a jolt of surprise grips your body, your muscles visibly tensing and eyes rounding. your lips part to speak, but the words remain wedged in your throat. “i—uh . . .”

“wait, for real?” the third girl, who had remained quiet this entire time, finally speaks up. “do you not actually love him?”

this time, when you don’t at least make an effort to deny their claims, suo’s smile begins to wilt. from suo’s angle, your expression is sapped of the typical bashfulness he had been anticipating. rather, your features are murky with conflict, brows furrowed pensively and fingertips drumming against the chilled glass of the untouched beverage sitting between your palms. for the first time in a while, he can’t read you, and while he’s always enjoyed a bit of reticence and mystery, he doesn’t want it like this—not when such uncertainty is founded on the future of his relationship. did he misunderstand you somehow? was he wrong? no, there’s no way that you’d have done everything you did if you didn’t harbor some type of love for him. it’s simply not plausible. right? 

the silence is unnerving, causing a chasm of apprehension to split his stomach and swallow up the candlelit flicker of warmth that once resided in his chest. he’s never been an anxious individual, typically collected and level–headed under pressure. in fact, he’s always prided himself on his ability to remain composed; but now, as he stands here, body stiff and heart thumping as he waits for you to continue, he figures that love really is one hell of a drug. only the wideness of his eyes betrays his usual poise, but even that would be enough for any of his friends to notice that something is amiss. well, mature as he may be and as far above the fragility of human nature that others believe he is, he’s still only human. and it’s times like this that remind him that he’s still weak.

god, how far has he fallen? how much power did he give you?

“all this time, i thought you guys were in love.” the second girl gasps, hand flitting up to cover her mouth. “so, what’s going on? what’s wrong with him?”

“nothing!” you’re quick to find your voice to defend him, but for some reason, it doesn’t ease the tightness in his chest or the worried spin of his mind. “he’s wonderful, it’s just—”

“is he mean to you?” the second girl presses. “because if he is, i can—”

“he’s obviously not mean to her if she’s still with him.” the first girl retorts, silencing her with a dismissive wave of her hand. before the second girl can argue, she continues. “it could just be that it’s too early for her to know if she does.”

“it’s been months.” the third girl points out. “something has to be up if she doesn’t love him—”

“i do!”

suo’s fingers twitch.

your friends fall silent as the words burst from your chest, unwavering and aflame with conviction. your voice quiets as you fold your arms over your chest and lean back in your chair, eyes still fixated on the cup in front of you. “i do love him, it’s just . . . i’ve never felt like this for anyone, and i don’t know what to do. it feels so real and intense, and it’s scary.”

your words reverberate through suo’s mind as he expels a breath he didn’t notice was wedged in his chest. “i do love him.” his entire body seems to decompress, the tension in his muscles alleviating. “i’ve never felt like this for anyone.” suddenly, your hesitance makes sense. not only were you protective of your heart to begin with, but the magnitude of the importance of this was much larger and therefore more frightening than he realized. suo’s heart swells in his chest at your confession, pride licking up his sternum to grace the apples of his cheeks with a feather–light kiss of ruby. he’s honored to be the first person you’re entrusting with such a privilege—well, even if he’s not supposed to know about it yet.

“what do you mean, you don’t know what to do?” the first girl stares at you as if you’ve sprouted a second head. she flips her hands over with her palms facing toward the sky. “tell him?”

“i can’t just do that!” this time, it’s your turn to look at her like she just told you she ran over a family of five with her chevy tahoe, and suo chuckles.

“and why not?” she flops back in her seat incredulously.

“i just told you, it’s scary!” you insist matter–of–factly. “you remember the last guy i was with? it lasted one month, and in that amount of time, i aged thirty years and had stress levels that would’ve gotten me sent to the emergency room.”

suo hums softly in surprise. you didn’t tell him about that. of course, he had suspected that someone had dragged you through the trenches prior to accepting him as your boyfriend, but he felt as though that was a topic that would be better left to your discretion. you would tell him if you wanted him to know, so he never questioned you.

“yeah, but suo is way better than him.” the third girl reminds you. “at least, i think so. i only met the guy like twice.”

“helpful.” the second girl remarks dryly.

“no, he seriously is so much better.” you insist. “he’s everything i could’ve asked for, but it’s just . . . exposing myself like that would mean he has everything he needs to hurt me, and if i end up flat on my ass again, i don’t know what i’m gonna do. and i know he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, but . . . ugh, this is impossible.” you let your head loll back. 

there’s a brief stretch of silence before the second girl speaks up again, and this time, her voice has flattened into a deadpan. “girl.” she blinks at you. “that’s the issue?”

clearly not anticipating that reaction, you stare blankly at her for a moment, searching for the right words. “i—what?” you bristle defensively. “what’s that supposed to mean? is that suddenly not a good reason to bare my heart and soul to this man?”

“no, it’s actually really not.” the third girl joins the second’s campaign. she scoots forward in her seat and folds her hands delicately on the table. “let’s reflect. this is suo we’re talking about. this is the same man who stayed the night and took care of you religiously when you were sick with food poisoning from your first date, the same man who gave you earrings similar to his for your birthday, and the same man who showed up at your house in the pouring rain with nothing but the clothes on his back to accompany you when that storm knocked your power out—as a ‘friend.’�� 

“why did you use air quotes around the word ‘friend?’” the first girl narrows her eyes at the third.

“because he was playing the long game, okay? he was plotting. stay with me now.” she answers quickly, placing her hand on the first girl’s knee. 

suo chuckles, raising his brows. he has to admit, your friends are impressive.

“so,” the third girl continues. “those are just a couple examples, but it’s crystal clear that suo is devoted. like he’s in this to stay.”

“or he’s some sort of supervillain.” the second girl interjects.

“don’t say that!” the third girl snaps, aghast. “no, yeah, you’re right. the ‘untouchable’ furin graduate who took a bat to the ribs just to keep her safe is definitely here to create lifelong trauma for her. anyway, as i was saying,” she turns back to you, “if that’s not enough, think about it this way. suo is really private, right?”

“right.” you nod.

“well, he was probably in a similar boat as you, then. i mean, you said that you were worried that you’d be giving him what he needs to hurt you, but the inverse is also true, and he already told you he loves you. he trusted you not to hurt him with that information, so you should be able to trust him not to do that to you, either.”

“that’s . . . wait,” the wheels rotate in your brain as you mull over her advice, and your hand drifts up to conceal your mouth in a moment of clarity. “oh, shit. no, wait, yeah, you may have a point. i didn’t think about it like that.”

“that’s what you have us for.” the third girl grins.

“so, does that mean you’re gonna tell him?” the second girl quirks a brow at you. “maybe? probably? hopefully?”

“uh . . . probably not . . .” you wince, only to jump when you’re promptly subjected to an onslaught of groans and complaints from your friends.

“dude, what the fuck?” 

“i know, i’m sorry!” you yelp.

“did you get nothing out of the conversation?”

“no, i did, i swear!” your desperate attempts to defend yourself against your friends are fractured by bouts of laughter. “trust me, i did.”

“so, what’s the problem now?” the second girl drags her palm exhaustedly down her cheek.

“the issue is that it’s still embarrassing!” you whine. “you literally said it yourself earlier. i’ve never been like this—ever! just thinking about saying it makes me wanna crawl in a hole. it makes me feel, like, exposed or some shit, i don’t know—quit looking at me like that! i don’t know how else to explain it!”

“don’t piss me off.”

 “what?” your lips pop open in indignation. “but—”

suo’s slender fingers settle delicately over his lips as he chuckles to himself and steps completely behind the alley corner. his eyelids flutter low, gaze soft with contentment, as he listens to you scramble to defend yourself against your frustrated friends. it’s alright, they’ve done plenty. he can take it from here.

the conversation bounced around between the four of you has certainly altered the circumstances, providing you with the clarity needed to shed your reservations about setting yourself up for a potential heartbreak and unfurling the remaining layers of your defense to reveal the lingering issue still barring you from being honest about your feelings. at this point, it seems to no longer be about you being ill–equipped and underprepared to handle such a divulgence, which he could certainly accept. now, it appears to be about disentangling yourself from the binds of shame and embarrassment. about you requiring a little push in the right direction—well, less of a small nudge and more of a guiding hand that you would trust to unravel you down to the strings of your heart.

fortunately for you, there is no one more aware of what loose threads of yours to tug on in order to achieve his goal than suo himself.

maybe it’s unfair of him to change his mind and concoct an excuse to denounce the leniency and understanding that had been fueling his patience thus far. maybe it’s unfair of him to take the initiative to strip you of the protective cocoon he had previously been more than prepared to allow you to reside in. maybe it’s unfair of him to press you, to utilize his silver tongue and honeyed words to draw out your rawest and most vulnerable state.

but when the opportunity has practically tripped and fallen into his lap, how could he not? it isn’t as if it would be a detriment to you. he has never led you astray, and he certainly isn’t going to start now. 

a venereal plan is already brewing in the back of his mind as he mulls over how to best extract such a confession from you. no matter what type of attitude you may acquire or how sturdy you believe your resistance to be, pleasure has never failed to whittle and melt you down into a pliant puddle that’s all soft edges and hazy, trusting eyes. an even trade—a release only he can provide for the secret you’re trying so hard to keep from him? this evening, perhaps, if he plays his cards right. you don’t have plans tomorrow, which means you certainly can’t be too angry if he keeps you awake into the darkest hours of the night. 

he can practically feel the ghost of the warmth of your skin under his fingertips as he keeps you pinned so that you can’t escape his ministrations, taste the salt brimming in your tears of frustration as you war between your pride and surrendering to the pleasure he plans to dangle in front of you, and hear your whines and moans as he keeps you just barely balanced on the precipice of release. he can already predict how you’ll label him as mean—manipulative, even. and maybe he is.

he’s only human, after all. 

and what would humans be if not flawed? if not a bit cruel? if not a bit . . . selfish?

[sha-brytols]

someone: do you think anders is a good person

the part of my brain that engages in genuine critical media analysis: i think it's disingenuous to label him through the lens of a binary good/evil paradigm because what makes him such an interesting and engaging character is his status inbetween a human with complex emotions and desires and flaws that will never fully align with each other, and the singleminded focus and purpose of a supernatural entity that is literally justice incarnate and has no capacity for nuance and whose very nature is fundamentally incompatible with humanity but the two of them are so deeply connected that they make up a single identity that's constantly at odds with itself and this struggle causes him to act in ways that aren't always clean and often land him and those around him in impossible positions. i think he was morally justified in doing what he did to the chantry but i also believe he understood the magnitude of what he was doing which is why i inherently disagree with the notion that characters like varric or sebastian were wrong in their reactions because that's the very nature of violent revolution—people get caught in the crossfire and are harmed despite their innocence and regardless of the righteousness of the action at large. if someone killed your mom to protect a hundred orphans you probably wouldn't come out of the experience full of love and admiration for the person who killed your mother because regardless of the outcome they still fucking killed your mother. anders destroyed people's homes and lives and there's a conversation to be had about how he gaslit and exploited hawke, his own potential lover, into being an unwitting accomplice even though we know through meta knowledge that he was perfectly capable of doing it on his own and very likely only wanted hawke's involvement because he needed a powerful figure to become the rallying symbol for his cause. the reality is his very nature would have never allowed him to choose hawke and his friends over his goal because to do so would have been fundamentally selfish and antithetical to his newfound identity as one who champions the needs of the many at the expense of the individual. it's a beautifully tragic story about the lengths a person would have to go to in order to enact any sort of meaningful change while constrained in a system that benefits from their powerlessness, and how that process cannot exist without suffering and pain on both the individual and collective level. i also feel like if anders was written by a person with a degree of compassion and awareness for not only the character they were writing but just what living as a vulnerable and targeted minority is like then the narrative and message would have been vastly different than what ended up on screen because, ultimately, the game wants you to look at the stark injustice of a child being ripped away from their family to spend a life locked away in cold isolation where they're at constant risk of exploitation, abuse, death, and even a complete removal of their personhood, and think that there's room for compromise. it's a narrative that perpetuates the myth that passivity and tolerance in the face of oppression is more virtuous than burdening the masses with the discomfort of seeing their own culpability in sustaining it. a better game would have challenged varric and sebastian while also affirming their anger instead of just the latter. a better game would have explored hawke's reaction in a deeper manner that examined their relationship with the system, their own internal biases, and how anders affected their worldview.

the part of my brain that was on tumblr in 2014 and is still extremely petty and spiteful: he should have blown up the conclave while he was at it

[metaeori]

Ace is obsessed with how your body moves.

like genuinely, he can’t stop looking.

Your body infatuated Ace and he just can’t stop starting no matter what he does, his eyes are glued to you.

Warnings: semi suggestive themes

Not me writing this like it’s an ao3 one shot.anyway hope you enjoy! (MY SHAAYYLAAAA)

WC: (idk it won’t let me highlight it all LOL)

It all started when you were stretching on the open deck out in the sun. Your shirt slightly lifted as your arms raised up beyond your head, slowly revealing your toned stomach and arced back as your v-line was exposed just a smidge.

Ace just couldn’t stop looking, he was a fair distance away but that didn’t stop him from seeing it all in 4K. His eyes couldn’t peel away from your stomach and the way your shorts were suddenly so short on your hips. His mouth was practically ajaw, what was coming over him? This was ridiculous, this isn’t the old days we’re a women’s ankles were the most lewd things.

He felt like a little boy walking in on a girl by accident for the first time. And then just like that, the view was gone. You finished stretching and carried on doing whatever you were doing before. Ace quickly diverted his gaze back to the open sea behind him, trying to maintain his normal composure again. But that image of you just couldn’t get out of his head, and so that whole scene slowly devoured him like the plague. Slowly eating him everyday, at random times and random places.

Now his eyes couldn’t leave you no matter what you did; when you crossed your legs when you sat, when your fingers caressed the edges of paper of the book you were reading, and especially when you looked up to talk to him. He got a whole view how could he not stare right there… he tried to play it off so nonchalantly but it was pretty obvious he was looking to everyone but you. His eyes jerked and his words stumbled a little as he tried his best to respond to whatever you were yapping about.

However it only got worse when the two of you departed for some expedition, you of course were a gunslinger; your weapon? Why a sniper of course! You and ace were situated on top of some high building rooftop, with very little cover to stay low. Being the gunslinger you were it didn’t phase you, you just had to station yourself lower to be out of sight.

You clocked the gun from behind your back to your front starting to get down on your arms and knees. You then laid out on the ground pointing the sniper in the direction of the target. You lowered the lower half of your body to the ground more, with one knee up for better balance. Ace was behind you and loorrrd he was drooling, he tried to remain calm but he just couldn’t. Your body looked godly from this angle, his mind could only run wild with his imagination that was vividly showing many scenarios.

The heat was rising up in him, his eyes outlined your figure. Tracing your curves his eyes followed your stomach to where they turned into your hips and from there to your heightened knee. He gulped down the lump in throat as his eyes practically fondled you. Then he found his hands heading straight for your waist, it was so small he bet he could wrap just one of his hand around it. He was inches away, the burning feeling intensifying as he itched closer to your cool skin.

“Ace..? What are you doing?” A confused looked on your face as you peaked at him from your shoulder.

“Oh! Um..I was just looking at the surrounding for you!” He jerked back his hand so quickly and blurted out some excuse hoping you would buy it.

Which you did cause your stupid and believe anything Ace tells you. You gave him a puzzled look and turned you head to look back through the snipers scope, carrying on like there wasn’t a man fanning over your body behind you.

Ace let out a sigh of relief, this poor boy wasn’t gonna get over his obsession anytime soon. Nor did he want to really, he only hoped that more opportunities like this would present more of your figure for him to ravish.

[scivors]

Andre Nikto head canons

We have little information about Niko but here's what I've gathered..

((Also I'd like to kindly add, hi, hello, my name is Mika and I am a Bosnian. The chances of me adding some accurate slav head canons are always high but never low!!🙏🏻 ALSO IM TERRIBLY OBSESSED WITH NIKTO SO IF ENJOY THIS AND YOU WANT DATING NIKTO HEAD CANONS PLEASE LET ME KNOWWW))

Genuine head canons:

Andre Nikto (Никто) is a (scary) Russian military man, roughly 193/194 centimetres (when you compare him to Simon's height) He suffers with acute dissociative disorder (better said DID) yet is still serving the military cause of how he preforms during battle.., so the military still views him as a ideal soldier for combat despite his disorder..

No hate but from what I've seen in some art works claiming it's his "face reveal" you people have to understand that under his mask, his face is disfigured.. so, no he won't be an attractive super model under that mask of his..

I don't think you people are aware how badass Nikto is as a character, almost SIMILAR as Ghost who's in the military for the same reason as everybody else, to risk their life.

Although judging by Nikto's voice lines, he doesn't care who he's killing..if it were up to him, if his teammates serve him zero purpose he'd care less if they die..(after all, you're just a target..) but being a professional, he can't allow that to happen to his teammates

If you look up closely, Nikto wears a military uniform that is different from everyone else with MP-0 written on it. Now if you don't know, MP stands for Military Police (enforcement agencies connected with, or part of, the military of a state.) and zero next to it meaning "nothing" and this is important which is what Nikto refers himself as..

Yeah so about that..

I have a theory about Nikto's nickname

After being captured and brutally tortured with whatever sick tendency mister Z had in store for him. It was Mister Z that couldn't really get much Information about Andre.

They would start torturing him while repeating to Andre that he's nothing, he's no one, what he is is nothing but what he is is everything. Those words play in the back of his head and they never seen to go away.

(This is extremely relevant cause Mister Z tried to get to know a bit of Andre by looking through some research come to find his citizenship and language are censored making him a nobody. Keep in mind, if he found any information about Andre viewing from personal life etc. it will be used as blackmail..)

After recovering his scars and taken to therapy after 7 years he was diagnosed with DID

NOW moving on to the DID part

(What I said about the fact that people overlook Nikto's disorder, I mean it..

Some don't really write about his disorder which is fine but when someone does it gets messy. )

Alters aren't easy to deal with, it's actually gonna haunt you till the day that you die cause there's no cure for it. And in Nikto's case it's from PTSD and Nikto is very aware of his alters..

Let me tell you how Nikto's disorder affects him. Switching can be consensual, forced or triggered, Nikto values silence as much as the next person cause he's dealing with much inside his head already. The kind of guy that would "watch TV" while dissociating with a 100 yard glare with very slow blinking and a slight headache..

There are times where his personalities would correct him when hes referring to himself (example: I'm up..(his personality correctes him) WE'RE up..)

"He made us do this" (and other voice lines I can't recall..)

Maybe cut bits of an apple with a knife and eat it while watching TV..

He has medication prescribed for him but he didn't wanna depend on medications cause they're just drugs..they're nothing to him but just drugs..

He has dissociative amnesia too, sometimes he would wander around confused maybe even annoyed. The amnesia appears to be caused by traumatic or stressful experiences endured or witnessed..Although the forgotten information may be inaccessible to consciousness, it sometimes continues to influence behavior

Like I said he likes quiet people, someone who doesn't waste their air on small talk..

Example; don't really talk to him about the weather, unless you have something interesting to say but if the conversation is gonna go nowhere , don't talk..he finds that a waste of time

People assume just because he's Russian that he likes vodka, he doesn't like vodka...-He doesn't like any alcoholic beverage cause it makes his problems a lot worse,...maybe If you were lending him some as an offering, he'll take it but he has SOME self control, he's okay with coffee, though..

It's relevant cause he stays awake at late hours since he finds it difficult to sleep, he'll stay up late with no music, nothing, just a silent room. It doesn't matter if he tries the military tactic where you just close your eyes and turn off your thoughts, it's very different when you have voices screaming inside your head...

Despite everything he's still intelligent, so being smart + strength + sharp reflexes and you got yourself a criminal

Death doesn't phase him, but to him death is like sleeping, he's not scared of death considering that he's been through hell those past few months.

He likes the simple things, don't complicate anything..because he's quick with catching an attitude..be blunt and forward and stumble over your words..

Nikto shows confidence in the battlefield,just like König, except he has a high rush of adrenaline and will laugh at the enemies death.

Fun fact: in this one comic Price calls Nikto "psycho"

And it's without a doubt that he is one.., a sadistic, sociopathic, psychopath

After splitting, his alters can and will get more aggressive and do more harm and damage to others cause they're doing the most at protecting the host.. (depending on the alter, some wanna protect him while some wanna hurt him)

Oh by the way about the intelligence part, I mean he has a good good memory with remembering faces..

He doesn't like people looking at him funny, he'll get angry really fast and annoyed at the same time.., he won't show hesitation when it comes to approaching you and asking you what are you looking at (it's like trying to avoid eye contact with a homeless man Infront of a store, that's how scared you would be)

He's slow with jokes or any form of humor that you throw at him??? You'll be excited to tell him a joke, and when you do he just looks at you and tells you never to do that again..,or just straight up tell you he doesn't get it...??? and probably trying to explain it either he gets it or not he'll still tell you that it's not funny

He doesn't argue, or he does? Arguing with him will costs you avoiding getting objects thrown at you so you can get out of his sight..tragic, now you have a teammate that hates your guts and won't apologize for it.

[trainsinanime]

Is there a specific scientific term for what I'll call "harm construction", meaning "thinking of ways that something harms someone in order to condemn it"? There must be, right? I see it all the time and it's not new. Let me give some examples in random order.

One of the first cases where I really remember it was at least a decade ago, an online article by a British newspaper, about how an online store had put a pole dancing pole in their toys section. A bit of an embarrassing mistake but nothing more.

However, that article provided several quotes from a British couple who said they were very worried, because their kid could have seen that. It seems pretty clear that their kid did not, in fact, actually see it, but the newspaper treated their concern as if it was a genuine thing to worry about. It was utterly ridiculous.

A more recent example is a call-out ask I received a few months ago and, of course, immediately deleted, but it's still been living rent-free in my head since then, because it was so horribly bad. I'll not repeat the exact wording, but they were annoyed that their victim blog (which I don't follow and haven't for years, if ever, and they don't follow me) was annoying and sometimes said mean things. They very ineptly tried to explain that this might have been part of the reasons why someone else, completely unrelated, sent out hate messages to yet another person. That was the harm that was so big that it supposedly justified a targeted harassment campaign. (If you're the person who wrote that call-out ask, please rethink your life. You were only increasing the hate in the world, not making anything better. I suspect the sender wasn't anyone who actually follows me, but just in case).

The biggest and most prominent example of harm construction right now is of course all about trans people, bathrooms and school sports. Conservatives and TERFs alike need a reason to oppose the existence of trans people beyond "I personally find them weird", because saying that out loud gets them correctly branded as bigots. How do you turn "let's be really mean to a marginalised group" into a progressive cause? By saying that the existence of this group causes harm. The problem with that is that trans people existing does not actually cause any harm, it's literally fine.

So in an effort to construct harm after all, they have searched far and wide for something that trans people could even theoretically damage, and the only things they managed to come up with are "there might be someone with unexpected genitals behind that bathroom stall door" and "the sanctity of gender-segregated sports". If it weren't for their cultural and political power then it would almost be funny how little potential harm they managed to find and how much they have to amplify it. They're just another couple in the newspaper worried that their kid might potentially see a website.

If you look for it, harm construction is everywhere, because we all sort of agree on a surface level that dividing people into "normal, acceptable" and "weird, must be punished" isn't nice, but the instinct to punish people for being "weird" is still alive and well and many people refuse to question it.

At a completely different end, anytime someone uses the word "normalisation" about a fanfic on Ao3, that's another example. We all know making blorbos do weird things doesn't actually hurt anybody (assuming proper tagging and so on), but we still want to punish people who do it wrong. So we construct harm, by arguing that seeing something on Ao3 might "normalise" the thing and make it more likely that someone will do it in real life.

These examples are very different, at very different ends of almost all scales of power and cultural influence and meaning, but the core idea is always the same. So, yeah. There must be a better term for this.

[cozy-writes-things]

Reader x Edgar

Edgar is sick with a virus or something and reader has to take care of him.

Arg I’m so sorry this one is so darn short! I just really wanted to get a fic out today. I’m hoping i can get a better one out later this evening. Thanks for the request!! :>

In which Edgar gets a virus trying to suspiciously earn money for you on the internet… he’s not gonna tell you what he was doing. But it was probably a scam anyway. Poor fella 🥺

“Edgar,” you sighed, already exasperated at the sight before you. “What did I tell you about going on those websites? The internet is not the same as it used to be,” you scolded him gently, running your hands along his hot plastic.

He seemed hotter than usual, almost flushed. His fans had long since kicked into overdrive to accommodate his overclocked components, and his screen fizzled in and out with burning pixels. If you were honest with yourself, you were quite worried for him. Modern-day computers can get bricked with viruses quite easily, so an old 80s computer seemed like quite the disadvantaged target to you. Luckily, at the very least, modern computers weren’t equipped with a sentience that could drive the virus away through any means necessary. He just needed time.

“I’m sorry,” his speakers croaked and glitched as he nearly whispered. “I just wanted to help.” His synthesized voice nearly died on his metaphorical tongue as it sputtered out. Your eyes softened.

He seemed so genuine in his words and actions that you couldn’t help but feel your heart swell with warmth for him. He sat, somehow looking disheveled despite his immobility, on your little desk, peering up at you with guilt and sick-ridden eyes.

“I know you did, Ed. But you already help me enough as is—”

“But you need money, and—and I need to provide for you, don’t I?”

A puff of air escaped your nostrils.

“Well, who told you that?”

He paused for a moment. It seemed his overworked internals were causing some lag, as his replies seemed to take a bit longer than usual.

“They provide for each other,” he muttered out. Perhaps the virus was affecting his mental state more than you realized. “We live together, we care for each other, and—dual income—”

A spike of anxiety traveled through your chest, tightening it, before releasing down your spine. This can’t be good; he’s speaking in gibberish. What the hell had he downloaded?

“We’re married.”

Oh, God.

“Okay, Edgar, I’m about to power you down to let you cool off because you’re freaking me out.”

“No! No. No—why would you do that to your husband?”

His words glitched and drawled on, almost sounding drunk or perhaps delirious. It seems he can’t really form a completely coherent thought due to whatever virus he’s got taking most of his processing power. Who knows what kind of havoc it could be wreaking on his files? You know for a fact he stores some quite personal information in that head of his. You can only hope he’s fighting it off well enough. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do, seeing as you’re absolutely terrified of potentially resetting him and… you can’t even bear to think of it. You aren’t sure just how permanent his sentience is; if one little thing happened that caused him to be gone forever, you’d never forgive yourself.

“Don’t—cry—my love? Love.”

It seems he noticed the tears brimming in your eyes before you did. Stop this, you have to be strong for him, dammit.

“Edgar, you’re really hot.” You placed a hand upon his casing once again, it nearly scalding you.

“I know… you are too.”

You steeled yourself to ignore him.

“Should—should I try and stick you in the fridge? I don’t know what to do, Edgar! I can’t lose you.” The hot, brimming tears finally fell from your eyes and landed on his keyboard. His speakers made a crackling sound.

“I’m—fine. Just—hug me? Please.”

You knit your brows together.

“Edgar, you’re clearly not fine, and I’m really worried.”

“Shhhh—I’m okay—the virus will be gone by tomorrow. Promise. I just—need—you. Close.”

You sighed. You had to trust him. That’s all you really could do. You wrapped your arms around his monitor and heaved him towards your couch. He had long since been unplugged; the virus had caused him to uncontrollably flicker the lights, start the microwave, and blare music through your speakers, and just about everything else.

You wrapped his cord around your fingers as you rested against his monitor. He hummed contentedly at your warmth. He sat, listening to your breathing, reeling himself in and becoming grounded next to you. You had some uncanny effect on him, it seemed. He’d get better. Just for you.

[fairqves]

⋆ ｡⋆୨୧˚— CIGARETTE DAYDREAMS

𝜗𝜚 ༘⋆ ⋆˙pairing. stranger! lee heeseung x fem! reader. synopsis. in which you’re starting to give up on life after years of being tormented and bullied ,, and then suddenly he appears. genre. angst ,, fluff. wc. 1503. 𝐥u𝐧a notes ⋆.˚ i was writing this with cigarette daydreams on repeat so now im sad why do i do this to myself. ☹️ <3 🫧 — 𝓵𝗂𝖻𝗋𝖺𝗋𝔂

if you enjoyed reading, please like & reblog !! ‹𝟹

YOU WIPED AWAY THE TEARS STREAMING DOWN YOUR FACE, BUT IT WAS A LOST CAUSE. the rain was pouring harder than ever, soaking through your thin jacket and leaving you shivering.

school had been unbearable today, as it often was. the whispers, the taunts, the constant reminder that you didn’t belong.

you were the poor girl, the one with hand-me-down clothes and an empty lunchbox. it didn’t help that your family’s financial troubles were well-known; kids could be cruel, and they nitpicked every single thing about you.

you trudged along the sidewalk, the weight of your wet backpack pulling at your shoulders. you didn’t even bother taking the bus anymore. it was just another place where you were an easy target. walking home in the rain was better than enduring more whispers and laughs.

lost in your thoughts as your body shook with every cry, you didn’t notice the sleek black car pulling up beside you until the window rolled down. you glanced over, startled, and your eyes met a handsome boy with big, round bambi-like eyes.

he was sitting in the back seat, looking at you with a mixture of curiosity and concern. his pristine uniform and polished appearance was definitely a contrast to your bedraggled state.

“hey,” he called out, his voice soft but warm over the sound of the rain. “are you okay?”

you wanted to shrug it off, to say you were fine, but the lump in your throat made it impossible to speak. instead, you just shook your head, tears mingling with the raindrops on your cheeks.

the man’s expression softened. “do you want a ride home? you look like you could use one.”

you hesitated. accepting help from someone like him, a rich student from a private school, felt strange. but the genuine look of kindness in his eyes made you nod reluctantly, praying to god that this wasn’t some other sick joke. besides, how could it get any worse?

he opened the door, and you climbed in with hesitation, you felt the warmth of the car enveloping you immediately.

the boy’s driver started the car again, and you sat in silence for a few moments, the tension easing as the heater dried your clothes.

“what happened?” he asked gently, breaking the silence.

“why were you crying?”

you sighed, the weight of the day pressing down on you. “it’s nothing. just...school stuff.”

he frowned, clearly not convinced. “doesn’t seem like nothing. you can talk to me, you know.”

the sincerity in his voice surprised you. you didn’t expect someone like him to care. “it’s just...i don’t fit in,” you admitted quietly.

“people make fun of me because i don’t have nice clothes or money. they make me feel like i’m less than them.”

his jaw tightened at your words, and he looked out the window for a moment before turning back to you. “that’s not fair. you’re worth just as much as anyone else, we’re all human at the end of the day.”

his words made your heart ache. you wanted to believe him, but years of bullying had destroyed your self-esteem. “thanks, uh..” you whispered, not knowing what else to say as you didn’t know the boys name.

he let out a soft giggle as he stuck out his hand to shake yours,

“lee heeseung.”

from that day on, heeseung made it his mission to look out for you. he would find you after school, waiting to walk you home or offer a ride. he became a friend, a protector, and a source of comfort to you.

slowly, you began to open up to him, sharing your hopes and dreams for the future.

in turn, he shared his life with you, showing you that wealth didn’t shield him from loneliness or pressure.

one afternoon, heeseung came to pick you up from school, his usual smile immediately replaced with a concerned frown as he saw the scene in front of him.

two boys from your class were leaning on you, laughing as they made you carry their bags. you were struggling under the weight, your face flushed with humiliation and discomfort.

“hey!” heeseung shouted, storming over. “get away from her, assholes.” he said with an unfamiliar, dark gaze- different from the soft and gentle look he always gives you.

the boys looked up, surprised to see someone like heeseung at your school, his private school uniform almost mocking them.

they sneered, “why help her man? she’s just some broke bitch, don’t concern yourself-“

but before they could continue, heeseung was on them. he grabbed the nearest boy and shoved him away from you, his eyes blazing with fury as he got on top of him and threw punches after punches onto the man begging for him to stop.

“touch her again, say anything or even look at her again and you’ll regret it,” heeseung growled.

“i’ll make sure you’re expelled and sued. you think you can mess with her because she doesn’t have money? think again.”

the boys, realizing they were outmatched, scrambled away, leaving their bags behind. you stood there, stunned, watching heeseung’s chest heave with anger. when he turned back to you, his expression softened immediately.

“are you okay?” he asked, his voice gentle again as he felt his eyes well up with tears as he thought about you having to endure this everyday.

you nodded, tears welling up in your eyes. “thank you, heeseung. you didn’t have to do that- no one’s ever done that for me..”

he shook his head, reaching out to gently touch your shoulder. “of course i did. no one should ever treat you like that again with me around.”

seeing the cuts and scrapes on his knuckles, you frowned as you you took his hand and led him to a nearby bench.

“let me take care of you now, hee.”

you pulled out a small first-aid kit from your bag, one of the few things your mother insisted you carry after she saw you come home with bruises from a bully.

you cleaned his wounds carefully, your fingers trembling slightly. heeseung watched you, his gaze intense but still comforting you.

“why are you so nice to me?” you asked quietly, not looking up from his hand.

heeseung was silent for a moment, then he sighed. “because you’re special, y/n. you deserve better than what you’ve been given.”

your heart skipped a beat, and you finally met his eyes. there was something there, something that made your chest tighten with a strange feeling you haven’t felt before.

“i like you, y/n,” heeseung confessed, his voice barely above a whisper.

“i’ve liked you since the day i saw you walking in the rain. you’re strong and kind, and you don’t deserve to be treated like this when you’re the warmest soul i’ve ever met in all my years of living, i’m so in love to the point where i feel sick.”

tears spilled over your cheeks again, but this time they were tears of joy. “i love you too, heeseung. you’ve been so good to me, you make me feel like life is more than living in agony, you taught me that people can have good in them too.”

he grinned at you with a lovesick look as he leaned in slowly, giving you time to pull away if you wanted to. but you didn’t. you closed the distance between you, your lips meeting in a gentle, soft kiss.

you cupped heeseung’s face as he grinned and wrapped his arms around your waist- not planning on letting you go anytime soon, now and forever.

the feelings going through you were completely indescribable- you know the feeling of watching fireworks go off at a summer carnival at the very top of the ferris wheel? that’s how you felt kissing lee heeseung.

as you pulled back, heeseung smiled, his eyes shining with love and happiness.

“i’m not going anywhere, y/n. you’re stuck with me now.” he said nudging his nose against yours as you giggled.

you felt a warmth spread through your chest. for the first time in a long time, you felt hopeful.

you had someone who cared about you, someone who saw your worth. and with heeseung by your side, you weren’t gonna let the words from your classmates get to you anymore- you knew your worth.

walking home that day, hand in hand, you felt the world around you shift. it wasn’t perfect, and there would still be challenges ahead of you. but with heeseung’s support, you felt stronger, braver, and hopeful.

the rain had stopped, and the sun was beginning to peek through the clouds, casting a golden glow on the path ahead.

you glanced at heeseung, his face resting with a grin and looking content. he looked back at you, squeezing your hand gently.

in that moment, you knew that no matter what happened, you wouldn’t be alone anymore, you didn’t have to suffer anymore.

you had found a friend, a protector, and even something more.

and that made all the difference in the world.

© FAIRQVES 2024

taglist open <3 @luvlyhee @sjyunnsworld @shawnyle

send an ask or lmk in the comments to be added !! ㅤㅤ(ꈍᵕꈍ)ㅤ

[theoddest1]

funny how time bomb managed to have better dynamic and than the main ship

I'm happy for my Timebomb homies, they were some of the major winners here, if not THEE winners cause they got damn near everything along with a huge supply of content to work with.

CaitVi....man, this sure is something. Started off realitively strong only to dwindle the more their dynamic was shown on screen in season 2 thanks to what happened to Cait. Does she even apologize ONCE for what she did!? I don't think she has. Like, I'm glad that Vi called her out, but where was the real accountability!? Acknowledging is the first step. Where are the other parts of the stairs!?!? That was CRAZY. Also, look I get it, Vi can only drive herself to save her sister so much, but after seeing Jinx CLEARLY showing huge growth, she would NOT have fucking sex the moment her cop gf enters the cell, like bitch that is NOT fucking Vi. Why couldn't we just get a sex scene by the end of the war after time has passed!? WHY IN THE CELL JINX WAS JUST IN!?!?

Hell, JayVik was weird af too. Jayce gets pissed at Mel for investing in he and Viktor's success as if it wasn't for the betterment of the country. I won't sit here and act as though she is allowed to be dishonest, but the way she did things was nit with malicious intent. She even gave him pointers so that he wouldn't get an unneeded target on his back. Where did he even LEARN of this? Did I miss something? And yes, Jayce DOES acknowledge Viktor's new vision was of his own volition, but him choosing to stay with his brother who is MOST DEFINITELY IN THE WRONG over his GF who has done nothing but support him is INSANE.

And yes, I am calling him his brother cause that's literally what Jayce calls him back in S1. I view their dynamic with the same lens as Vander and Silco. Bro, both the twinks go rouge in hopes for a better future while the buffer men stay true to themselves while also going through huge trials that change them majorly, if that isn't a fucking parallel idk what is, BUT that is how I view it. I am leaning further into this, though, after how shitty some Jayvik fans have been to not only Meljay/GoldenForge but to Mel and Jayce separately as characters [especially Mel]. Like Jesus CHRIST, some of y'all are just straight-up racist and misogynistic, and I don't fling those terms around lightly. I don't mindle in fandom spaces often, but JayVik fans genuinely put a sour taste in my mouth.

So yeah, TimeBomb slapped in a good and productive way. Various ways. Ekko, Mel, and Jinx carried this season HARD. Honorable mentions being Sevika and Singed cause, tbh they stayed interesting a good portion of the time.

[umbralsong]

Racism in Astarion's Writing

There is a fascist takeover happening in Europe. Again. With pogroms targeting racialized and marginalized groups. Being at all silent about how media affects our perception of reality would be irresponsible of me. I stand in solidarity with you all. I will polish this as I go along, but this is for anyone who wants to understand.

Block, report, and move on from the inevitable racist shitheads. We have work to do.

Donate to Gaza here: https://gazafunds.org/ Support good causes with a click here: https://arab.org/ Ceasefire Now: https://ceasefire-now.com/ Donate to the [Sidewalk School] [Pay your rent], settlers. [KOSA Resources]

There is a... let's be charitable for a moment and call it "knee-jerk" reaction to discussions of racism in fandom. To call it character assassination, exaggeration, slander - anything but to acknowledge the dehumanizing system of power that underlies every part of this imbalance. It's only scary if you don't understand it, and as part of another group under siege for half a millenia, I am intimately familiar with it.

There are Romani perspectives on Astarion's storyline I would encourage everyone to read before mine. I don't wish to link them in case this post gets targeted. Please lend them your kind support and sincere gratitude for their contributions.

I do not "forgive" a character for questionable biases. I wonder why the writers put it there. I question its purpose in the narrative and the effect it has on the story and audience.

Let's discuss the effect:

The racism in Astarion's storyline serves no purpose, but the effects are harmful.

I've played evil (poorly). But I also have a very fucked up sense of humor and understand the appeal of a well-written fucked up little dude. Take, for instance, this Warlock from a BG3 playthrough:

Absolutely vile, but a clearly theatrical/satirical look at a classist piece of shit, you know, that sort of character. Take it as a palate cleanser after reading, and then gather your strength.

This is not a post about liking flawed characters. Please take your strawman, dust behind you, and move along.

I often find the trouble with depicting racism is the inherent unfamiliarity with the subject in a majority-white writer's room and company. There is an idea of what it entails, but not its purpose, and not its day-to-day application.

There is a veritable treasure trove of knowledge out there that I've ended up having to take in small parts. It is not easy hearing about the ways people have hurt others, systemic and otherwise. I genuinely want us to learn from this and be better for one another.

So when I see depictions of people who are Indigenous and Romani and Sinti, I wonder... why? And why were these writers chosen for this character/storyline?

In Astarion's storyline, from what I can tell, he makes light of stealing the Gur children. I can tell this is meant to be a depiction of guilt and deflection. What sucks is the fact that he's ultimately a white man making light of the fact that's... historically what they do.

The point, I believe, of him "following Cazador's orders" is to invoke the Nuremberg Defense. The tragedy is that Astarion, by D&D logic, literally couldn't do anything but follow his command. It's implied because he's defensive as hell, but he feels exceedingly guilty regardless. For all we know, it's earned.

Is Racist Magistrate Astarion still canon? If so, his "grudge" against the Gur is motivated by racism. Is that something we are prepared to confront with more than a line? Was he just a (maybe recently?) privileged asshole exercising his newfound power? In that case, his use of systemic power over the Gur may be read as a parallel to his storyline. But then the Gur need autonomy as well.

There is something to be deconstructed here, but I would not know its intimacies from my perspective. Others would. They may restructure it altogether so that it makes sense for their experience.

Here is what I know, and it should not be on this group alone to point it out: The inappropriate misuse of these tropes has encouraged racism in the fandom at large.

Performing a script well is not the fault of the voice actor, nor is the twisted logic of fans the fault of the writers. I am pointing out that reckless inclusion of certain ideas can have very unfortunate implications:

So stealing their children, expressing little remorse, and then "sparing" them the pain of executing stolen marginalized children is a good ending? I'm adding some untagged comments here for emphasis:

I find it interesting the game recognizes the complexity of the situation regarding the spawn and doesn’t punish the players or Astarion whatever the choice as long as they aren’t doing it for selfish reasons. Some good, thoughtful writing there.

Wow, even as a dedicated Astarion romancer, I was beginning to feel like it was a little unfair how much more recognition Neil is getting over the rest of the cast, but now I’m reminded of why. I’ve finished the game 3 times and never even considered not sparing the spawn, because if he deserves a chance, why don’t they? But the conviction he has behind his words in this makes me think I’ve been making the wrong choice.

Person 1: I really dislike Ulma. She’s such a judgmental Monday morning quarterback. Person 2: same, no matter what you do she'll blame Astarion for things that were outside his control

Spawn Astarion sparing their children as spawn is better and in line with his story, but for some reason, that isn't acknowledged through commentary, dialogue, or mechanics... thus, again, unfortunate implications:

To the spawn Astarion, Greetings from the family of Ulma, hunters of monsters and keepers of peace across Faerun. We know this letter finds you well, for although we hunt you no longer, we do sometimes keep a watch. Your restraint and control over your bloodlust has been admirable. Indeed, it has been an inspiration for our children, who have struggled with their own hunger. These last months have been a difficult time for our people. We have protected and nurtured our children as best we can, and we have learned much. Herbs we once used to dull our foes' minds are now sedatives to ease hunger and pain, restraints built to hold the undead now protect them from themselves. There has been a lot of pain, but a lot of progress too. Our children learned discipline and control, while we learned compassion and patience. There was a time when we would have destroyed any undead creature, our own blood or not, and called it a mercy. But then we met you. Wer saw that redemption was possible. Difficult, yes. Painful. But possible. You saved our children first from Cazador, and then from us. For that, we thank you. We will watch you still, but with more admiration than fear. Walk in peace, Astarion.

And, according to these commenters, it's better to kill them because the marginalized Elder is never satisfied with the man who stole their children?

It sounds so casual, I think. Perhaps they don't know what stealing children from a community really means.

60s scoop/residential school/reeducation camps trigger warning:

(The Scream by Kent Monkman. Alt text in link.)

Look at this painting.

Take it in with me for a moment. It is a scene taken from many memories and one. Look at how these families fought to stay together. Look at how they fight priests, nuns, and state officials - ones who my friend assured me are very friendly - how they grasp at their children with such painful desperation on their faces. It is a way for one to bear witness to unfathomable love and heartbreak.

When genocide deniers play their games, this is what they want you to pretend never happened. Don't mind the tens of thousands of child graves, or the stolen land. Just pretend these people are criminals out to swindle you, or steal your wives.

Growing up, listening to survivor testimonies, and the sweet reverberance of the remnants of survivors of slavery, you appreciate what you have. You remember every kindness. You love what you lost, and what you gained through gritted teeth.

And, you remember the unfathomable pain. It's why you promise to stop it from ever happening again, to anyone.

It is very sad. A heart is a heavy burden. Embrace it. To love is to live again, and to live again means you understand Never Again. Because people deserve to be happy. And that's worth a fight. That's why it's worth depicting with care and love, even when the subject matter threatens to choke you.

Let's get into Cazador Szarr.

I've played the game and understand that he has a backstory and some depth. What disturbs me is that an Asian man has the bloodiest, most brutal scene in the game with a white man killing him.

I can't let this be undiscussed as sinophobia rises in a pandemic. I am no authority, but I'm not ignorant. These posts are found in discussions of racism in BG3 and I would, again, prefer not to put a target on their back. Instead, show them support.

In terms of diverse storytelling, casting, and roles, I would only ask that a historical and sensitive look be applied. Hire people from these communities to act, direct, and write for that role. Writing is never easy. There is a weight and responsibility to it, but it's worth it to touch as many souls as possible.

I respect this history. That is why it is not something I believe should be thrown in as flavor text. It's why history needs to be respected as a great backstory to everything we create. We need each other, and we need art we create together.

The debt is yet to be paid.

[grif-hawaiian-rolls]

The Reds the Feds and Wash : Car Trouble

Lil writing and bonus under the cut >;3

Locus slammed the mongoose into park, scowling as he approached the stopped Warthogs on the road. One job. He gave them one fucking job. Take the Warthogs, go from point A to point B. It should have been, by all counts, impossible to screw up. AND YET! Here he was, having to come to their rescue. Unfortunate and worse, irritating. At the very least, most of them had the good sense to keep their helmets on. The same could not be said of Donut and Neko, who were both helmetless and mid-conversation like it was a nice day in the park, not high value targets stopped in the middle of the road in a warzone. Not to mention Neko’s… frankly ridiculous perch across the top of the Warthog, legs wrapped around the barrel of the turret and his head on the windshield. Genuinely, what was that idiot doing? That couldn’t be a comfortable position to maintain, especially while talking to Donut who was leaning against the driver side of the vehicle. Locus wondered if the sergeant would shoot him if he walked over there and threw a blow at Donut to prove a point. Agent Washington almost certainly would. Better not to risk it then, no matter how effective it would be at proving a point. Neko was a lost cause at this point, short of taking a blade to that ridiculously long braid, but there were some lines even Locus hesitated to cross. Actually, where was the sergeant? Or Pavoz for that matter? He was so focused on the thought for a moment, Locus almost tripped over Lopez’s legs. The robot was half way underneath the other Warthog, no doubt checking for anything else that could be wrong. Locus’ half a stumble was easily brushed off as him nudging the brown calf plate to get Lopez’s attention. "<You have my part?>" He asked as he pushed himself out from under the car. He was without his helmet as well, surprisingly. But forgivable, seeing as how the light under the Warthog remained steady enough to assume Lopez had been using his helmet as a light source. Lopez, despite being a robot or maybe because of it, was very quickly becoming the second most competent soldier in this group. If nothing else, at least Locus knew he wouldn't fuck around half as much as the rest of them. He pretended he didn't notice Neko's helmet hanging off the turret of the other Warthog. "I do." Locus removed the mechanical component from the compartment in his chestplate, leaning down to hand it to Lopez. "What happened?" "<Dunno. Bad luck, from the looks of it. Or someone drove this thing over a fucking tree, and picked up a squirrel nest or twelve. It's a mess, but this,>" Lopez gestured the piece Locus brought, "<seems to be the only part that needs replacing to at least get this disaster on wheels to a base.>" There was that, at least. Locus crossed his arms. "How long?" "<The rest of today, probably. I need to actually clear this shit out of the undercarriage or it's just going to cause more problems,>" Lopez rolled his eyes, a very human gesture set in a metal face. "<And even then, we won't be able to get moving again until morning. Sarge kept trying to start the damn thing and killed it's battery. It needs time to build up a solar charge before we jumpstart it with the other one.>" Unfortunate. At least the question of the sergeant and Pavoz was answered, as the pair of them came through the underbrush off the side of the road like they were summoned by Lopez mentioning Sarge by name. "-make a Red out of you yet, boy!" Sarge laughed, clearly mid sentence as they rejoined the rest. Pavos nodded along, though how much he actually agreed with the conversation was debatable. The sudden sound of a horn going off had every weapon in the vicinity raised in reaction, before the source became clear as the sound dragged out. Agent Washington's helmet rested on the wheel of the second Warthog, defeat written in the angle of his shoulders. Donut laughed at something, presumably the same thing Washington was reacting to. Neko looked smug, so safe to assume it was probably something he said. Idiots. All of them. Unfortunate.

----

I'm not immune to roadtrip arc, and Kimball does say the Federal Army of Chorus moved the Reds and Wash around a lot sooo like >> i'm just saying, it'd be a shame to not make Wash suffer through a red team roadtrip Bonus, sometime the s12 finale and reveal of the armies:

felix's text is so much harder to read off my tablet screen than i thought it was fuck okay transcript time Felix, while reaching for the radio: I'm gonna lose it if we do this entire drive in silence, I swear- Locus: DO NOT

[derangedanomaly]

I saw your new post and I was like 'hmm, interesting' can you write about the bad sans a few more of your choice reacting to their Fem S/O who was Overly blessed?, Like She was literally God's favorite in most things

And every time someone is going to hurt her lightning strikes them or something else happens and she just shrugged like she's used to that, bonus if she's absolutely beautiful and she's being flirt with regularly resulting in half of these people being fried or Almost killed by the God's

I love this request lmao.

Thank you anon! Hope you enjoy! :D

Masterlist

BAD SANSES X OVERLY BLESSED S/O

(Nightmare, Killer, Dust, Horror, Error)

NIGHTMARE:

Oh, he will absolutely HATE YOU. (Not for long though. 😉)

You tried flirting with him the first time y'all met, and that was basically the kick-starter for him to hate you. He tried to kill you after your flirting attempt, but got immediately striked with lightning.💀

He literally can't stand you. From your breathtaking beauty, your smoothness all the way to your flirtiness!! (<- his words, not mine 🤷‍♀️)

The gods hate him too. So SO much. It's actually wild.

He literally can't believe the amount of bullshit you've gotten away from. Like, what do you mean you've 'accidentaly' killed someone?! And- excuse me- but did you just say that you ROBBED A STORE ONCE?! Bro is flabbergasted.

Doesn't want anything to do with you. You're just a stupid pest only in his way!! So why's he itching to be in your presence now?

He's so frustrated that it's actually really weird... That's the king of DARKNESS, negativity, and here he is, craving after a little touch from this mortal.

You're actually not part of the Bad Sanses. But you are part of the Star Sanses, which should make Nightmare feel good. He knows he should feel better! But he feels so much fucking worse...

After many fights between the Star Sanses, (which now includes you too), he finds himself subconsciously chasing after you.

Normally, he goes after Dream in fights, but now... His target changed. And he's not slick either. Everybody fucking noticed! And you know who noticed it right away? Yes, that's right, Dream.

I swear, your fights just includes you two flirting with each other while tussling. The Gods don't even notice how flirty you guys are, when you're saying stuff like: "I wish you'd wipe that stupid smirk off of your face, it's annoying." "You want me so bad.." "SHUT THE FUCK UP"

Nightmare doesn't know it yet, but he's slowly falling for you the more y'all are away from each other. Maybe you return his feelings back?

KILLER:

"Mamma Mia... that's one hell of a woman...." I swear, Killer's in love with you from the first time he saw you. And it wasn't because of your looks nor your flirtiness! The first time he saw you, you literally killed someone on the spot because he tried to take your food. (The God's are back at it again 💀)

Listen, Killer's NOT the shy type. That's for sure. But right now, he felt more shier than ever before. You were just so ethereal to him..

He went up to you and greeted you. Safe to say that y'all clicked together right away! Maybe.. you also fell for him from the first sight? (THE ZING FROM HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA CONFIRMED??!)

The Gods for sure striked him at least 3 times. Until you had something to say about it. The Gods stopped attacking Killer so much after they saw that you genuinely loved him back.

You two have a little flirting competition every now and then. (You always win)

He's at awe when you tell him all the crimes you've gotten away from. Cause, like, since when??!

He doesn't like it that you're a part of the Star Sanses.. "your love is not meant to be" (He's just being dramatic. As always.)

He can't help but sneak off with you when there's a fight between the Bad and Star Sanses. He just wants to be with you. And I don't mean that as only spend time with you. Nah...he WANTS you!

He actually confesses to you, he says that he loves you and that he can't help but yearn for you. Now comes the question...will you accept his confession?

DUST:

Oh baby, oh BROTHER. He's so annoyed with you. He doesn't like it much when people are as outgoing as you..

Listen, the Gods don't have much an opinion on him.. but they WILL fry him at least 5 times until getting used to seeing him around you.

While Dust doesn't like you much, you in turn LOVE him. You're flirting with him almost all the time. Which rewards you with a very blushy Dust that quickly teleports away. (Not before giving you a side eye. 💀)

Don't worry, he will also start to slowly fall for you the more y'all are conversing. (You fell first but he fell harder >>>>)

Wants for you to prove to him you did those things that you're saying you got away with. Just to fuck with you 💀

His mouth literally dropped open when he finds out you, in fact, was telling the truth. I mean, you did just get out of a store with a shitload of money in your hands.

He was about to ask you how you did it so quickly, but he was interrupted with loud sirens. Welp, looks like you're busted. He smirks at you, as if saying that he was right with you not getting away with it- until you did the most shocking thing ever. You flirted your way out of the prison by flirting with the police officers.

And this right here, was the exact moment when Dust found out he loves you. He gave the officers the hardest glare. He was FUMING. At last, he couldn't take it as his Gaster Blasters appeared and killed the humans. 💀

Becomes miserable when you join the Star Sanses. Damn..and right after he found his feelings for you :(

You both still sneak off from your respective groups to see each other.

Dust keeps comparing your situation to Romeo and Juliet, except no one's dying. He has the biggest genuine smile on his face as he says this.. he's so cute istg..

HORROR:

He just tilts his head whenever he sees you "kill off" people you flirt with. (The Gods are at fault here yet again.)

He approaches you, without a word, looking at you in silence. You both just stare into each other's eyes. It's...kinda awkward from another point of view.

Oh.my.god. THE GODS (and you) FIND HIM SO SWEET WHEN THE FIRST THING HE DOES IS GIVE YOU FLOWERS 😭😭 (some of them are ripped, but that's fine. //Bro ate them//)

He immediately becomes ok in The God's eyes. (The amount of times the Gods strikes him/fried him: 0)

BRO'S WINNING

The best part of it all, is that it was all done subconsciously. He just saw these flowers, thought they were pretty, so he tried to eat them, but then he saw you and thought that they'd fit better with a pretty woman like you.

You try flirting with him, but he either doesn't get your flirting, or he doesn't acknowledge it.

He likes listening to your crime list. He always lays down on your lap whenever you tell him these stories.

He doesn't want you to be a part of the Star Sanses, he wants you with him!! So he'll just kidnap you in the middle of the night. 🤷‍♀️ (And he does that so casually too 😭)

He always compliments you, whenever he can. You're just so pretty in his eyes. 😭

Horror tends to avoid talking much, as it takes him a little longer, but he'll try to talk to you more than the others :) (My HC)

ERROR:

This dofus is so amazed. He knows that you're probably the Gods favorite right away.

He's interested...I guess.

He tries to be sneaky as he creeps up behind you, and greets you. (He's just shy.. I mean- a beautiful girl like YOU? And in his territory?? He doesn't bring much people there 💀)

The God's immediately striked him btw.

Fortunately, you find him quite fun to be around. But the Gods don't like him much.

It becomes kinda difficult talking with him, when the Gods just fry him right away.

You quickly become frustrated, and try to let them somehow know that you LIKE him and want to be around him. So...you become the MOST FLIRTIEST MF THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN.

Error just becomes a blushing mess at your ministrations. "*Some flirty line*" "O-Oh- Uhm..thanks?" He doesn't even know how to respond to them.

But after awhile, it was a success and he doesn't get fried anymore! (The Gods probably became too tired of him to care, or they finally took a hint.)

Error doesn't mind the flirting much, (because he loves you) but please- for the LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY- Don't touch him. You'll immediately lose his trust if you touch him. (His Haphephobia)

Actually kinda thrives in the fact that you're a member of the Star Sanses. He's just a sucker for "prohibited love".

It also doesn't bother him much, because he's not actually an official member of the Bad Sanses. He rejected Nightmare's invite, but sometimes comes to their side if he's needed or he's just bored 🤷‍♀️

He makes sure that you're safe during battles. Even if you're on the other team.

Wants to hear EVERY bad thing you've done. (It...gets him kinda- going? I guess. He just finds that attractive.)

[rena-lily]

Guysss I was thinking what if one day Epel invited Sebek back to Harveston just to hang out and Yuu and grim tag along. It’s just the 4 of them, and then when they get there Marja is just like yall should join the competition going on. Epel then remembers there was a talent show that happens around that time. Yuu being the good friend they are suggested that Epel and Sebek should join but they have no idea what to do.

Yuu suddenly suggests for them to sing as a duo. Sebek and Epel are just like ???what why??? And Yuu like No guys listen I know a good song yall can sing!!! And Yuu starts getting a manic look in there eyes and honestly Sebek and Epel are kinda scared to say no to them… Anyways the song ended up being a descendants song (maybe What’s my name???).

Marja desperately wants them to win because well they’re from harveston so THEY BETTER WIN! They happen to meet the Dwarves there again for some reason but this time Neige seems to be with them. Neige immediately recognizes Epel and is like OMGGG you’re Vil’s junior! And then he looks at Sebek and starts to introduce himself. Sebek is lowkey a bit put off by him but he continues to introduce himself as well before Epel pushes him along so they can practice(They cannot STAND RSA students and their little “we wAnT To MaKE EveryONe hapPY!” Ugh DISGUSTING imagine hanging out and being friends🤢)(they act as if they haven’t been laughing and having the best time)(They’re literally best friends🤞 the sooner they accept it, the better).

Anyways on the day of the competition Sebek and Epel manage to somehow beat Neige and his friends??? And they’re so DAMN HAPPY!!! LIKE EPEL IS JUST FULL ON SCREAMING AND TALKING IN HIS COUNTRY TONE WHILE SEBEK IS ALSO SO HAPPY>:3 Epel and Sebek start to hug eachother before they realized that they were acting like “friends” so they immediately separate despite still smiling. Marja and Yuu go over to congratulate them and Neige comes over too. Neige is genuinely so curious on who Sebek is and how he sang so good??? They all ended up taking a group picture with Neige and went back home.

Now what they didn’t know is that Yuu took a video of them and posted it on Magicam and the added picture posted Neige made them legit BLOW UP on magicam. Like everyone is wondering who they are and they’re legit blowing up everywhere! It got to the point where magicam temporarily shut down for a bit! Vil and Cater ended seeing the twos video and Cater is showing EVERYONE! He went to show Adeuce and those two are lowkey offended that Epel and Sebek didn’t tell them where they were going but hey they’re lowkey impressed by their performance! Vil legit dropped his cup from shock, Rook who was also there caught it and they both watched the video. Vil doesn’t even know what to say, obviously he was proud but did it have to be Neige who posted about him. ALSO Vil is completely impressed by Sebek( WHERE WAS HE WHEN VDC WAS HAPPENING???) Vill resolved that he was gonna give the potatoes lessons when they got back(yes Sebek too, he doesn’t care what Sebek thinks about it). Rook is also very impressed by Monsieur Crocodile and Cherry Apple’s performance and he just found his next target to observe!(In Harveston Sebek starts to sneeze vigorously and Epel run to get him earmuffs).

Eventually they got so popular that it spread all over the school. Now everyone’s talking about them. Cater goes to show Lilia and Kalim when he goes to music club and Lilia is genuinely jaw dropped, HE NEVER KNEW HIS STUDENT COULD SING???, and Cater starts asking why Lilia didn’t tell him that Sebek was so good and Lilia just can’t respond cause he didn’t know either???😭 anyways Lilia goes to show Silver and Malleus and they’re all like pointing at eachother and asking if eachother knew Sebek could sing?! They lowkey feel bad that they didn’t know… They ended up resolving that they’d talk and spend more time with Sebek when he came back.

But as the hour passes, more and more keep Sebek and Epel and start expressing their interest in them. Dia 3 are not happy about this(SEBEK IS TOO YOUNG TO DATE! HE NEEDS TO BE ATLEAST 200 y/o BEFORE HE EVEN TJINKS OF DATING)(Silver lowkey thinks they’re overreacting but he also doesn’t want Sebek to date so he agrees with them). At this rate they’re gonna have to beat everyone off with a stick(did Silver and malleus just hear Vil saying he was gonna steal Sebek???)(Suddenly it started thundering outside and Vil ran inside the school)(THERE IS NO WAY HIS GUARD(his brother figure) IS GONNA GET STOLEN AWAY FROM HIM!).

DESPITE THE AMOUNT OF CHAOS GOING ON BACK AT NRC AND ON THE JNTERNET, Epel and Sebek are back at Harveston unaware of the storm that was gonna hit them when they got back to NRC, oh well they’ll just enjoy their time rn!

Yuu is in the corner smirking evilly while laughing by themselves looking at their phone(Grim looks at the human concerned before just inching away from their servant and getting more phone, as long as it as nothing to do with him he’s fine).

LIKE CMON LOOK AT THEM!!! THEY EVEN HAVE MATCHING POSES!!! I NEED THEN TO HAVE MORE INTERACTIONS!!!

[heartfullofleeches]

Yan Player + Ghoul Reader

A player who showers their new classmate in gifts and praise in hopes of scoring a new lay. A slightly off-putting, but cute wallflower who true to their nature shies away from player's advances. "You don't want me. It'll just cause trouble for the both of us." Playing hard to get - how adorable. Truth be told, that aloof oddball is one of the cutest things they've seen in recent years. Aw, well - more fish in the sea. Player tucks a photo of that classmate in their wallet and tries to move on, but every partner they take on has some trait that reminds them of that person. They do anything to impress them while having the pretty thing they've been going "steady" with on their arm to no reaction everytime. They express genuine concern for their classmate with their fluctuation in weight and physical strength. It's so annoying - just like that knife pointing at their neck.

"You fucking asshole! I've seen how you look at them. You think you can just invite me over to your house and cover up the murals dedicated to them without me finding out? I know I'm not the only one either.... I'm going kill you, and hang you out to bleed - like the fucking pig that you are!"

They always knew this would come back to bite them in the ass, but not like this. Accepting their fate, they shut their eyes as their attacker advances. The wet squelch of tearing flesh rings sickly in their ears - but it's neither their blood spilled or their attacker's blade who dealt the killing blow. They open their eyes to see skin caught between another set of teeth - their partner reaching out to them to grab onto the faux strings of their love to save them from the fangs puncturing their jugular.

"H..elp...."

Snap.

With the last of their strength, they stab upwards. Like an unwanted doll, their body crumbles gracelessly to the floor. Tears rain upon their already soaked cheeks as to the silhouette loaming over falls to their knees; talons clawing at those jagged protrusions sticking out of their gums - a familiar bracelet around their wrist dyed in blood. They yank the knife sticking out of the side of their face like a thorn, the damage inflicted and the wear of starvation sealed under the grace of fresh, human blood.

"No.....nononono. I'm sorry.... I'm sorry... They were going to hurt you, and I'm.....I'm... so hungry. I didn't mean to do it. I had to do it. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me. You're my only friend. I'm sorry!"

Their heart hammers in their chest, threatening to break free and crawl into their throat. You really were....the cutest thing they'd ever seen.

Player follows you everywhere after that. They can't let you slip out of their sights, or you may attempt to transfer schools like you'd done in the past. Nobody understands why such an outgoing and attractive person hovers over someone like you, but expressing their feelings on the matters vocally just results in them gaining some needed target practice and you with another hot meal. Long sleeves have never been their style, but it's better than people spreading the wild accusations that you of all people are hurting them - when they offer their flesh to you willingly and cook it into dishes they force you to eat in public or use the power of their influence on the student body and cry until the glaring eyes, and your hunger, break you. Their friends record you eating raw meat outside of the convenience store you bought it from and they couldn't be more disgusted. That beef was almost purely fat and they had a nice, healthy lean cut for you in their fridge.

-

Ghoul Reader, covered in blood and missing half their cheek from the force at which they rip out the knife: Sob - hick I'm a monster....

Yan Player: Haha, no baby - you're so sexy

[thorniest-rose]

Hi everyone,

A lot’s happened over the last few days and I know that I’ve been under a lot of scrutiny and the subject of conversation, so I wanted to take a moment to talk about it with you. I didn't address it last week when I was told that people in the fandom were posting about me and sharing screenshots of my blog. This was to protect my mental health, but now I want to share my own thoughts.

It's really hard not to lash out in situations like this because of how much it hurts. To go through something like this is shocking and humiliating, it rips the ground up from under your feet. But I didn't want to go on the attack because I knew how much worse that would make things. No matter how opinionated I am, conflict makes me feel sick and makes me want to hide. So instead of lashing out, I've done a lot of thinking over the past few days, not just about what's happened to me, but about things I've done and what could have led to this.

Firstly, I want to apologise to everyone whose feelings I may have hurt when I posted certain things in the past. I want any space that I cultivate to be a happy, positive one for the people who spend time here and at times I think I’ve unintentionally created an atmosphere that has felt combative or alienating. I honestly never consider myself to be a well-known writer or someone whose voice has reach in the wider fandom. No matter how many followers I have or how many people read my fics, I always see myself as a girl just spending time on her tumblr, but that's naive and I should have recognised that in a shared space, all opinions are seen and have an impact. 

Discourse is my least favourite thing about interacting in fandom and there have been times where I’ve let myself be drawn into it. That doesn’t mean it’s ever okay to look down on what other people enjoy and I really regret posting those things now because that’s not who I am as a person. Expressing displeasure and other negative feelings isn’t what I want to engage in and I should remember how easy it is for flippant, spur of the moment comments to be taken out of context. Saying things like “I don’t like this” even on my own blog is immature and beneath me and I’m genuinely sorry.  

I am also in no way any sort of authority on how these characters are written, no one is. A fandom is for everyone. I’m passionate and vocal in my own space because I treat my tumblr as a slumber party with my friends, but in my enthusiasm, there have been times where it seems like I’m saying my characterisations are the only valid ones. I don’t think that’s the case at all, and I genuinely love and admire the creativity in this fandom. I’ve said this before, but just because I have preferences doesn’t mean I want every characterisation to be the same as mine because that would become extremely dull. I believe that any and all interpretations should have an audience.

However, while I take responsibility for the things I've said on my blog, the things that have been said about me in response have been extremely spiteful and damaging. I never wanted a war with anyone. I should know better than to court discourse in such a volatile fandom, even inadvertently. To take issue with me and what I said is fine, I accept the criticism and apologise; at times my comments have been juvenile and mean-spirited. But a group of people targeting me, screenshotting my posts, calling me names and attacking what I write isn’t proportionate at all and encourages a wider pack mentality. I think we should all remember that there is an actual person behind the screen reading the things that we post and that our words can cause real harm. It’s easy to dehumanise an avatar and a username. And I think it speaks to a rot at the heart of fandoms that so many people find pleasure in fighting and where feelings can fester into hatred and vitriol.

I am outspoken and passionate about what I love. I sometimes bristle at things I see that don’t gel with my ideas or at a misjudged tone, and I post about them instead of seeing the bigger picture and moving on. It’s a flaw and something I’m working on, to be more open and less reactive. I don’t want fighting or tension, and I don’t want rivalries. I also don’t ever want to make people feel like their characterisations are wrong/invalid/unworthy or that they themselves don’t belong and that I’m some kind of fandom queen bee trying to ice them out. While that’s genuinely never been my intention, I can see how things have been taken that way and I’m sorry for that too.

Again, I’m sorry to everyone I’ve hurt or alienated with comments that I’ve made. I always want to be kind and compassionate. And while I don’t think what’s happened over the past few days is OK, I can see the bigger picture and why things I’ve said, or the atmosphere I’ve cultivated, has planted seeds of resentment. I've also unblocked the person who's been posting about me, if they want to reach out to talk privately.

I know there are people reading this who have been following me for the past four years, and in that time have seen me struggle, and fall down, and make mistakes, but hopefully grow and learn from those mistakes too. I’m so grateful to you all.

I’m going to take a break from tumblr for a week or so, to spend time away from socials, to connect with friends and other passions and focus on self-care. And to write, of course, because I’ll always be writing, whether it’s here or elsewhere.

See you all soon,

Brooke 💕

[weveseenallthegreenery]

Seeking Divine Comfort — Mel Medarda seeks out Viktor after discovering her arcane talents.

sfw | part 1 | 1715 words | hurt/comfort | shortfic | alternate season 2 | loosely edited | kind of spoilers

I didn’t know where my legs were taking me, but I knew I had to get there soon. The incident with the Black Rose had me shaken up in so many different ways, and my mind was swarming in ways that I couldn’t begin to comprehend. I was arcane. I was a part of the very group that my council had tried to prevent from corrupting the city. I was one of the people who helped Hextech take a launch toward popularity. Maybe I somehow knew, deep inside of me, that the normalization of such things could only benefit me.

No, I didn’t know. I couldn’t know. I was just afraid and saw an opportunity that could better our society. That was it. That was all it was… well, along with an affinity for the one proposing the idea. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t know this would happen. I didn’t know the madness it would cause as my feet dragged me to a mysterious gate.

It looked like it was being held together by magic itself, completely white and gold with most of the buildings on the inside of the commune shaped like a circle. It was incredibly futuristic. Beautiful yet morbid at the same time for reasons that I couldn’t quite put my hand on.

A brunette male approached me and questioned, “You don’t have any weapons on you, do you? There is no place for them here.”

“I do not possess anything of the sort,” was my response as the man led me into the hidden city. There were people of all kinds mingling together, golden marks on their skin almost similar to the ones on my own but different. My marks were a show of my power, of my birthright—it seemed that theirs was a mercy to hide all of the scars of their past. This place truly was both lovely and horrifying at the same time.

The words that left my mouth next surprised me, as I wasn’t quite sure why I was there or how I even knew of the location, “Where is Viktor?”

“Viktor?” The man raised an eyebrow at me at the casual mention. “Oh, you mean The Herald… I could take you to him if you’d like.”

I simply nodded, following behind the man until we reached probably the roundest building in the entire space. Once I walked in, the man behind me made a point of disappearing as well, not wanting to follow me for some reason. I roamed further into the strangely shaped building before noting the complete lake of furniture apart from the nerve-like tendrils attached to the ceiling—attached to Viktor.

“Viktor,” my voice came out weaker than I expected.

He opened his eyes and just stared at me for a moment. I wasn’t sure what to expect from him, as we had never really gotten along well in the past. However, I was shocked to find that it took less than a minute for him to begin smiling at me—not a fake smile, either, a genuine, warm smile. “Mel Medarda. You have awakened.”

I nodded simply before hesitating, “I don’t know what to do. I have discovered that a lot of which I knew to be true was a lie.”

The tendrils snapped from his back before Viktor gently sat himself on the ground and walked toward me. It was weird to see him walking. It was unnatural for something to heal someone so perfectly after such a permanent injury—and yet, he didn’t seem to be in any pain or discomfort. He seemed content. He seemed like he knew himself better than he ever had in the past. Like the artificial arcane inside him had given him life.

“Do not be afraid,” he took my hands in his and gestured for me to follow him to the pool behind his main area. He wanted to find a place where we could sit and talk. “You can tell me whatever you wish to—although, I feel I already know what you are going through.”

I hesitantly sat down next to him and began recounting my recent discoveries one by one, from the revelation that my mother had purposefully targeted a man of the arcane to forge me into a weapon to the fact that she had sacrificed my brother in my name to the fact that the Black Rose wanted me to join forces with them and prevent her from going through with whatever harmful act she tried to use me for. I was terrified. It felt dirty for me to say all of these things aloud, but at the same time, it felt amazing to have someone to confide in.

The entire time that I was explaining my plight, Viktor rubbed my back in a reassuring gesture, encouraging me to speak my mind and get everything off my chest. He waited a few seconds after I stopped talking to ensure that was all I wanted to say before his voice came in a gentle rumble, “It is unfortunate how you came across this information… but do not let your mother’s indiscretions distract you from realizing that what you have is a gift.”

“A gift?” I raised an eyebrow at him before withdrawing my hand from his and crossing my arms over my lap, “How could anything born of such selfishness be a gift?”

He gave me another smile before taking his hand off my back and placing it on my knee, “Just because you were bred for a specific goal does not mean that you cannot use the talents provided for something else—something more worthwhile. You could do anything you wanted. You could save Piltover. You could protect all the people of Runeterra. Or, if you wish, you could join me here to cleanse the people who fear what was stolen from them.”

“I… cannot do that,” I hesitated as I stared at him. “I cannot abandon my people simply for comfort. I will eventually return to Piltover, but I do fear what they will say to me—or do to me once they find out that I possess the very thing that they despise. I was always taught to fear the Black Rose in my youth, and now I have sworn myself a part of them.”

He rubbed a soothing circle on my knee and shook his head at me, “I have a feeling that Piltover is not the only place that you are needed, and it is not the only place that will accept you as you are, either. Because they will. They will accept you. They knew you far before this part of yourself surfaced, and they will understand that you are merely trying to defend them.” I stayed silent for a long moment before uncrossing my arms, placing one of my hands on his, and trying to force a smile. “I’m sorry, Viktor… for the way that I treated you before. I know that I seemed cruel, but I just… I knew that you weren’t as open to my requests as Jayce, and I figured it better to get what I was through other means. I should have considered you more. I am truly, truly sorry.”

“You do not owe me an apology,” he looked me straight in my eyes as he said it. “I knew what you were doing. When I was still human, I judged you for it. It made me angry. I had been overlooked many times in the past, and I hated it… but those things are trivial now. You ignored me then, but you now understand my value and seek my help.”

I sighed, closing my hand around his as I closed my eyes and tilted my head downward. I stayed like that for a few moments before looking back up, “Thank you. I don’t know who else I would go to right now… I don’t know who else would understand what I’m going through… and I’m not quite sure how I knew where you were.”

“The same way that I knew you were close to discovering yourself,” he intertwined his fingers with mine. “The arcane flows within us both, Medarda. No matter whether it was inherited or consumed, we are connected now. We understand each other, and we seek each other out because no one else can feel the fear and joy that we feel together.”

I hesitated slightly as I asked, “You are afraid…? But you seem so happy.”

“Of course I am afraid,” he chuckled a little bit as he let go of my hand. I hadn’t realized how tightly I’d been holding onto it before then as he continued, “I had never intended for this to happen. I had only wanted to live. I feared death. Once I realized what the arcane would do to me, I begged Jayce to destroy it, but he could not… and I blamed him… But then I touched them. I touched them, and it killed me.

“Every time I help them, I feel pain. Building this place felt like breaking every bone in my body. It was horrifying, but all of the fear was worth it once I realized that these people relied on me. That I was giving these people a second chance at life… at a cleanliness that they had never gotten to experience before. I grew up in an undercity that was infested with poison. I grew up in a world where the sick were bound to die and be destroyed. I had prayed for someone to come and save me when I was young, and now I realize that I am that person that I was praying for, Medarda. I am their herald. No matter how painful it is, how much I fear it—I must continue on for as long as I can so that the people of Zaun have a sanctuary, so that they never lose hope the way that I almost had.”

I didn’t know what came over me as I hugged his shoulders, “Do not be afraid.”

He wrapped his hands around my back and laid his head on my shoulder, breathing me in before humming, “You can stay for a bit longer if you would like.”

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | smut filler | part 5 | part 6