#they gay panic and snark together

[legolasghosty]

HELLO MY LOVE!!

10. for platonic Alex and Flynn please 👀

Hello my love, I am so so sorry for how long this took!!!! I have no excuse unless you count college. But here it is now!!!! I hope you like it!!!

Alex and Flynn had a funny kind of friendship. They'd first met when they got paired up in a middle school lab class. However, their first impressions of each other were formed months earlier when Flynn and her parents moved in across the street from Alex's house.

Alex's parents had taken one look at the lesbian couple unloading boxes at the old Murphy house and told Alex to stay away. Alex hadn't had the same aversion to their new neighbors as his parents, but he'd been too afraid of crossing them to actually go say hello. But he watched them sometimes.

Not in a creepy way. He promised. They just seemed so happy, the two of them and their kid. It made him feel a little less alone. Maybe it was possible to be happy being the way he was. That little family had managed it after all.

Regardless, he and Flynn didn't actually meet till September. There may have been an argument and some splashed sugar water during that first conversation. But after that, they got along surprisingly well. They didn't really hang out when they weren't at school though. They both had other friends. And Alex's parents were less than thrilled the one time they saw the pair walking home from school together. So they were lab partners and writing buddies and co-sufferers in math. It was simple and it worked.

It wasn't till high school that they really became proper friends though. Julie and Luke met and hit it off, and soon their friend groups were a big tangle of inside jokes and movie nights at Julie's and one big table at lunch. Alex and Flynn got closer, combining their snarky senses of humor against their friends and whining about how pretty their respective crushes were.

And after Alex came out at home, it didn't really matter who his friends were. His parents couldn't exactly resent him more. So he and Flynn started walking home together. No reason not to. Sometimes they walked in near silence. Sometimes one of them would ramble on and on while the other listened. Sometimes they talked about deep stuff like trauma and what happened when people died. Sometimes they joked around about whatever horrible concoction Luke had created for lunch that day. It didn't matter much. They were friends. They walked home together.

But then Alex turned 18. And well... his parents didn't exactly kick him out, per se, but Alex knew he was supposed to leave. Julie's dad, Ray, had already offered him the Molina guest room at least through graduation, so Alex spent his birthday packing up and moving out of his parents' house. At least it was a Saturday, so he didn't have to worry about school. All of his friends chipped in to help him pack and move everything over.

It was for the best. Alex knew that. But it was hard to think that way when he and Flynn were standing at the intersection of Birch and 13th Monday afternoon, where they'd always turned left together to walk home.

"So, I guess I'm going this way?" Alex said after a minute. Julie was already halfway down the block, unaware of the situation.

"Yeah," Flynn agreed quietly, glancing between Alex and her own route home. The route that wasn't Alex's anymore. "And I'm going that way."

They both stood there for a long moment, both unsure as to what to say. This was good, that Alex was out of the Mercer house. But what did they do now that they couldn't walk all the way home together? What did people do to say goodbye this early?

More than anything, Alex wanted her to know that nothing had changed. They were still friends, he would still be there for them at 2 am when they drank too many sodas and started rambling about her girlfriend. She would still smack him upside the head for letting people walk all over him. They would still talk about everything and nothing and anything in between. But how did he say that?

"Text me when you get home?" Flynn said suddenly, grinning.

Alex jumped, startled out of his thoughts, but then returned their smirk. "Definitely, you too," he responded. "No dying on the way home."

Flynn rolled their eyes and laughed. "As if you could get rid of me that easily, Mercer," she snarked, tossing her braids back over their shoulder. They paused for a second, then added, "So is this how we work now?" in a softer tone.

Alex took a deep breath and nodded slowly. "I guess so. Doesn't change us though, right?"

"Right," Flynn said, smiling. Years of friendship allowed Alex to pick up the traces of relief in their eyes. "See ya around then," she said, waving as she headed for her house.

"See ya," Alex echoed as he turned to follow Julie. He smiled as he walked away from the corner. He and Flynn would be alright. They'd been friends for ages, they could manage not walking home together. It might just take some work. They could do that.

[roseymoseyberry]

Higher ups really pushing my buttons by being so casual and dismissive (and not a SINGLE ounce of apology to be SEEN) and leaving me to decide how corporate-snarky I want to be in response

I gotta say, as much as I fucking loathe my job and have to get out of it asap

There's really something to say for having zero fears about retaliation for speaking up. What're they going to do, fire me? I welcome it, free me from this hell

Anxiety disorder can't win when the lose condition is honestly a win

[dotemakesthings]

forgotten but not gone

(please be gentle, y’all, this is the first public fic I’ve posted since basically… ever)

inspired by/remix of the cursed light by datfearlessfangirl

okay, so.

the first Split was relatively harmless, believe it or not. it separated out Remus and Roman, sure, but the sides all still lived together and cared about each other.

as a teen/young adult, the sides were in cutesy little pairs.

Janus and Roman, the theater gays.

Virgil and Logan, the couple that considers sitting silently in a room together with headphones on a romantic activity.

and Remus and Patton, the chaotic powerhouses who love nothing more than making messes in the kitchen and screaming I-love-you’s from across the house.

but then

the second split.

it was a crisis of morality and identity on Thomas’s part

so intense that it ripped the mindscape in two

the “acceptable” sides simply got their memories wiped, starting from scratch

while the dark sides were locked away and hurt.

now, neither side knew about the others and the effect it had on them

so when the light sides saw a closet oozing with Bad Feelings, they felt it best to investigate for the good of Thomas

and they were greeted with monsters.

Remus, screaming out horrific imagery and banging his head raw and bloody against the wall

Virgil, spiraling into such a bad panic attack that the shadows around him were lashing out without him realizing

and Janus, fangs and all six arms out, who uncontrollably lied about how they were useless here, how they weren’t wanted, they needed to get out, ssssstupid little sides

the lights screamed

and ran out

the darks chased them

because, here’s the thing

imagine you have known someone all your life. you know their tics, what makes them happy

and you’re not afraid of what they’re like when they’re in distress, because you know what to expect. and you know you’re safe with them.

now. imagine meeting someone for the first time on your absolute worst day.

that’s what happened to the darks.

the Patton of before would have rushed to Remus, gently guiding him away from the wall and crooning soothing nonsense to drown out his babble about death and gore and being alone alone alone

the Roman of before would have nodded and taken none of what Janus was saying at face value, cradling Janus’s hands in his own and humming a quiet tune 

and the Logan of before would have tapped out a slow, calm rhythm next to Virgil until he could breathe and handle touch again

but they didn’t know any of that anymore.

all they saw were monsters.

and all the dark sides saw were their friends, family, lovers there when they needed help. 

the light sides fled back to the upper mindscape 

and the darks slammed into the barrier

screaming and clawing at the invisible wall

for someone to help

for their family to look at them

for someone to explain what was going on

and the light sides closed and locked the door with a sigh of shaky relief.

now, the light sides develop something of an ingrained bad reaction to the darks due to this colossally bad first impression.

Patton: disgust, fear, thin veneer of trying to be polite while getting them to leave the vicinity as soon as possible

Logan: coldness, indifference. not cruelty but no warmth or allowances

Roman: fear masked by anger and intense protectiveness.

and the dark sides all deal with the upheaval, betrayal, and pain in different ways.

Virgil: depressed, afraid, tends to lash out at the slightest provocation. goes from snarky to mean.

Janus: gives up and pretends everything is fine. sees no point in hurting himself to get something back that can't be replaced or repaired. covers heartbreak with snark. can't quite stop himself from flirting with Roman but pretends it's just manipulation. focuses just on Thomas and what's best for him, ignoring all else.

Remus: wears his rotting heart on his sleeve. tries the hardest to get Patton back and is the least equipped to do so. isn't exactly trying to keep the others' spirits up, but more just doesn't lose hope that they can somehow fix this. 

the dark sides can only come to the main mindscape at all at night at first.

the barrier stops them any other time

it’s Remus who finds out first, mindlessly banging his head against the barrier to pass the time only to fall flat on his face when it fizzles out

and they all slowly start sneaking in at night to see the home that they were thrown out of

and slowly, the lights start having odd little incidents

nothing in person, at first.

Roman: he finds something in progress and abandoned at the border between the imagination halves that he and Remus both worked on. he can't figure out why it looks so recent even though he can’t remember ever getting along with his brother this well.

Patton: he's having a Sad Night. he thinks he's hiding it well, but someone (Virgil) notices and leaves him cookies that are one of his favorites. not a secret recipe, just ones he likes. there's a little note saying that sometimes it's okay to have a second cookie. Patton can't figure out who would know him this well.

Logan: he’s dealing with an absolute menace of a meeting. he gets back to his room, seething all the way, to see a plain porcelain plate with an unsigned note saying “break me all you want, nerd! I’ll put myself back together!”. he experimentally drops it from a few feet up. it shatters with a very satisfying crack and then, a few seconds later, reassembles itself in his hand. he has a grand old time shattering the plate against the wall again and again until his rage has subsided to a manageable level. he can’t figure out who would come up with an idea like this.

and then there start being little middle-of-the-night interactions. because for some reason, the light sides have a much harder time falling asleep nowadays.

Virgil looks over Roman’s shoulder as he watches a Disney movie in the living room at three AM to try and fall asleep. Anxiety offers a teasing insult to the protagonist. Roman jumps out of his skin, at first threatening to stab him, but then lets him tentatively settle in on the counter behind him. they roast the movie together, gradually picking up steam until Roman actually laughs at something Anxiety says. they both freeze and stare at each other for a heartbeat until Roman sinks out without a word.

Patton finds himself tucked into bed after a too-long day sorting through Thomas' emotional responses. when he wakes up, there's a somehow still steaming cup of sweet herbal tea that tastes like a snickerdoodle. he vaguely remembers a soft voice hissing at him that he needs to pay more attention to his own needs.

Logan is reading philosophy textbooks and muttering to himself out loud. Janus offers a quiet critique. they have a heartbeat of wonderful discussion before Logan "remembers" himself and shuts it down.

eventually, through all this, their memories start coming back. it’s triggered slowly through their platonic interactions with their friends, and then all at once by their romantic partners.

(because the love of friends is just as impactful and important as the love of a partner)

Patton: 

Patton is sad and frustrated, muttering to himself and pacing in the kitchen.

someone walks in and he immediately stops and snaps into happy pappy Patton mode. “Oh hey, kiddo-“

it's Remus, who just cocks his head and says "you know you don't have to do that with me, right?"

and after some protesting on Morality’s part

he ends up goading Patton into a very cathartic expression of anger, fear, and frustration, and helps him sort it out. 

at some point, Remus has shifted to holding Patton in a loose embrace as Patton waves his hands and rants and sobs.

Patton doesn’t realize that he burrows deeper into Remus’ arms every time he wiggles.

to the point that he’s turned sideways in Remus’ lap, with one arm curled around him and the other one free to gesture.

and then when it’s all over, they’re talked out, and it’s almost sunrise, Remus reluctantly starts to tear himself away. 

and Patton, who quite suddenly cannot bear the thought of Remus letting him go, holds on

Logan: 

panic attacks? Logan? certainly not. he doesn’t get those.

so when he finds himself gasping for air, feeling like his chest is on fire, and locked into his worst thoughts, he doesn’t know what to do

because he knows how to treat panic attacks

but this isn’t one. definitely

and even if it was, for some reason all his knowledge on how to treat them is slipping from his mind no matter how hard he tries to reach from it

you have to breathe? somehow? but he can’t breathe, can’t think

and somehow through it, he hears a raspy voice

counting steadily and quietly

and he realizes that there’s a stim toy placed in his hands that he’s wringing.

and it looks familiar, but he knows he’s never seen it before

and there’s soft, flowy music playing from a Bluetooth speaker next to him

and that feels familiar too

and without quite knowing why, only having a bone-deep certainty that it’ll help, he slumps over into the person sitting next to him

smells lavender and laundry detergent

feels soft fabric under his cheek

and suddenly everything snaps into place

oh

of course

why does he feel so safe? because he’s with the safest person in the world.

Roman: 

okay so

Roman alternates between being scared of Deceit and feeling extremely attracted to him

this, naturally, freaks Roman out

and he expresses this by getting more and more aggressive towards Janus

at some point, he panics and attacks Deceit

Deceit freezes with Roman’s sword to his throat. they stare at each other

before Janus sinks out

a day or so later, he comes back

all six hands up, ungloved, and open to show that he means no harm

“You win.”

“… What?” says Roman.

“You. Win. I’m tired of fighting you. Grant me one last request and you’ll never have to see me again.”

some buried part of Roman is conflicted. but his conscious self jumps at the opportunity. “What do you want, snake?”

“Dance with me.”

“… What.”

“Grant me the honor of one dance, my prince, and I’ll leave. You’ll never have to deal with my presence again.”

And Roman, wary of some trap but eager to be rid of the beautiful confusing disgusting snake, agrees.

They rise up in an elegantly decorated ballroom

dressed in a fancy suit (Roman) and an elegant ballgown (Deceit)

and they dance

at first, stilted and formal

keeping to the steps and no more

but then Janus seems to come to some internal conclusion

and folds himself in close to Roman

before spinning outwards, skirt swirling, and coming back in

and somehow, without Roman quite knowing why, they’re dancing.

flourishes, leaning into each other, Roman even lifting Deceit into the air at one point

and his heart keeps pinging strangely

aching

(familiar, this is familiar, you’ve done this before)

but eventually, the dance has to end

and they both come to a stop as the song finishes, panting heavily

Janus is smiling through his heavy breaths

and Roman finds he is too

but Janus’ smile cracks and falls and he steps back.

“Well,” he says. “That was the deal.”

and he lifts Roman’s hand, which somehow has his sword in it although it didn’t a second before, so that the blade is at his throat

just like the night before

“One quick cut ought to do it.”

Self Preservation exposes his throat to his beloved. 

because he doesn't want to hurt Roman. 

because this dance was his last selfish act before he gives up

one last moment to remember his prince by

and Roman pauses with his sword at Janus’ throat.

because Roman can't figure out why Janus, the evil self serving snake, wouldn't take an opportunity to hurt him to save himself

why he asked for this dance at all

why his arms around him felt like home

and all of a sudden

the memories he’s been denying all this time hit him like a truck

and he remembers

(after all that, Roman congratulates Janus on his idea to bring his memories back by dancing together)

(Janus smiles at him and changes the subject)

the barrier weakens the more that the lights feel comfortable around the darks.

the more that Thomas feels comfortable around them.

by the time everyone’s memory is back, it’s like it was never there at all.

[schrijverr]

What a 'Your Mom' Joke Can Get You

Richie accidentally comes out on twitter. He has a panic attack about it, but his friends are always in his corner.

On AO3.

Ships: reddie

Warnings: homophobia mention, panic attack

~~~~~~~~~

Richie comes out on a whim. Well, not so much a whim as an accident, but a planned accident, or more well put, an accident that came from something he wanted to do, but never dared yet played so much on the background that he did it without taking a moment to reflect on it.

He’s scrolling through twitter, head resting on Eddie’s lap (who honestly should have stopped him, in Richie’s defense). However, Eddie himself isn’t a twitter person and isn’t paying attention to Richie’s giggles as he amuses himself on twitter, a common occurrence.

After their reunion, Richie took a step back from being in the spotlight. He stayed with Eddie as he recovered and went through his divorce at the same time, something that wasn’t easy. But now, two years after the reunion, Eddie is a divorcee and they are happily together.

About half a year, Richie slowly got back into the spotlights with the tweet: Rumors of my drug addiction have been vastly exaggerated

Later he went on an interview and explained how he got news of the loss of a close childhood friend, with whom he lost contact (Stan). And how another of his old friends got into an accident when they all met up and he has helped during his recovery (Eddie).

Overnight his story about drug abuse and rock bottom turned into one of loss, reaching out, and healing. It was crazy to see how people received him differently and it allowed him to change his stand up. To change views, write his own stuff, present himself differently.

He has been happier with his work and glad he gets to be more open with people without as much of the backlash he would have gotten otherwise. He has been able to shift his content and audience to a place he’s happy with. And with the support of Eddie, being in a happy relationship for the first time in his life, he has been playing with the idea of coming out as mentioned before.

With the new leaf he turned over, he’s become more active on social media, dropping the techno-inept dude for becoming hip with the kids and failing at meme’s in his own way. It was easier to ease back into the scene like that and built up a different audience before he went up on stage again, plus he found he quite enjoys memes.

One of his favorite things to do is to send them to the groups chat and watch no one but Beverly and Ben get them. The other Losers attempting to guess and failing miserably.

His other favorite thing to do, is to comment on the posts of random users that are obviously not meant to see the light of day or posting his own random thoughts on twitter. This is what he is doing on that faithful evening it happens (he would emphasize the it, but bad memories and all that).

He’s looking at funny tweets, commenting where he goes when he sees a post that claims gay people just flirt in the worsts ways. Richie snorts to himself and without think he responds: Uhm, excuse me, if I can get a boyfriend with my ‘your mom’ jokes then I don’t want criticism on my methods

Right as he presses tweet Eddie randomly starts groaning, so Richie locks his phone and frowns in concern. He asks: “Are you okay, Eds?”

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie says, choosing snark first, before saying: “My back is acting up. I’m going to lie down on the floor for a bit.”

“Want me to give you a massage?” Richie asks.

Eddie gives him a look and replies: “Really?”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Eduardo,” Richie says. “I meant an actual massage.”

“Oh, yeah, that would be nice actually,” Eddie tells him and Richie forgets all about messing about on twitter in favor of making sure Eddie is comfortable and cared for.

They make it an early night and since Richie doesn’t need to get up early, he leaves his phone near the couch. He snuggles into the bed with his boyfriend and is comfortable, unaware of the shitstorm that is happening on the internet.

The next morning he wakes equally oblivious. Eddie is already out on his run, because he is an insane person, so even weekends aren’t holy to him. 9-5 freak, Richie mentally calls him with a fondness that was unknown to him before Eddie. With that he gets out of bed and starts some coffee and breakfast for the two of them.

It’s not until he’s waiting for Eddie to come back with finished breakfast that he is bored enough to want to catch up on the world.

He finds his phone near the couch and vaguely remembers being on twitter before leaving it there, as he grabs it. His anxiety starts to spike, however, when he sees the thousands of notifications on his phone, trying to remember what his last tweet was. Maybe he accidentally tweeted slur mcslurton and he is getting canceled!

With shaking hands he unlocks the phone. The tweet he posted yesterday is still open on his phone, now with thousands of likes, replies and retweets.

Richie’s heart drops to his stomach.

Uhm, excuse me, if I can get a boyfriend with my ‘your mom’ jokes then I don’t want criticism on my methods

He tweeted that.

He just threw that out in the world.

He wasn’t thinking.

Without his consent his hands start to shake worse and he drops his phone as his breath starts to catch in his throat, the oxygen burning. Tears gather in his eyes and his vision blurs. His knees buckle and he sinks to the ground as he attempts to get his breathing back in check.

That is how Eddie finds him when he comes back, still a little sweaty, but satisfied from his run. He is humming and calls out a greeting to Richie, not yet spotting him.

Richie desperately tries to stop. He doesn’t want to worry his Eds. However, it’s no use. His lungs aren’t cooperating and when he greets back, he sounds out of breath and distressed, which is perfectly matched with mood.

He hears Eddie’s footfalls pause, before they speed up as they get closer to him. Concerned Eddie gasps: “Oh my god, Richie! Are you okay? What happened?”

“I-” Richie starts to answer, to explain, to soothe Eddie’s worries. But the words catch in his throat and he starts to spiral again as he thinks of what happened.

He hates how he is still reacting like this to something he was planning on doing at some point. It’s just that he hasn’t been able to check the reactions and his brain is working overtime to supply him with all the ways this can blow back up into his face. He wants to be queer and comfortable, but he isn’t fully there yet it seems.

Helplessly he gestures to his dropped phone, hoping Eddie can figure it out himself as Richie goes through his breathing exercises.

Eddie knows Richie hates being touched whenever he has a panic attack, so he sits down on the floor close to Richie, letting him know he’s there for him without distressing him more.

As he waits, he picks up the phone to check whatever happened to trigger Richie. Richie is glad that Eddie will be the one to break the news of how it’s going to him, that he doesn’t have to see the hate himself. Even if he does feel a little bad about making Eddie see it and more anxious when Eddie gasps as he sees, before clicking more.

Richie ignores it best he can as he calms himself down, going through all the exercises he and his therapist worked on. Until, he feels well enough to crawl to Eddie and curl up next to him and ask him: “What are they saying?” in a meek voice.

“It’s a mix up between people who think it’s a bit and people who are nice. And some mean people, but those are a lot less,” Eddie tells him. “#UselessGayTozier is trending. Also, you have a lot of missed calls from Steve.”

“Fuckkk, he’s gonna be pissed,” Richie whines, hiding his face in Eddie’s shoulder, being comforted by his smell. Then he can’t help but ask again: “But there is truly not a lot of hate? I’m not, like, getting canceled or something?”

Eddie gives him a comforting smile and says: “No, you’re not being canceled, except by a few who think it’s a bit and you’re taking the shit out of gay people.”

“Rude, I am gay people,” Richie replies, feeling capable of joking now that he got the panic out of his system.

His sweet Eddie snorts at his admittedly shitty joke and says: “You’re an idiot.” Then there is a beat of silence, before Eddie tentatively asks: “How are you doing?”

After a moment of reflection, Richie answers honestly: “A bit tired and anxious, but better. I’ve been hyping myself up to do it, now I did it. That should be a good thing, right?”

“If you’re comfortable with it being out there than that is a good thing,” Eddie agrees. “I’m here for you, whatever you decide. If you want to deny and take it back, you can do that and I’ll still love you. We’re going to be fine.”

It is really comforting to hear it said out loud, even if Richie knew already. He and Eddie both had their own journey to being comfortable with their queerness and being together. So, Eddie would never pressure him to be out, hell, Eddie isn’t out at work.

However, there is more to Richie being out than Eddie being out. He sighs: “I don’t think I can take this back without looking a giant asshole, but thank you, Eds.”

Eddie doesn’t even protest the nickname like he usually does, just holds Richie tight and lets him gather himself. Just the two of them on the floor of their apartment, Eddie sweaty and Richie still sleep rumpled.

Richie leeches all the comfort he can out of Eddie until he feels human again. He’s sure that with enough time, he’ll find this hysterical. Perhaps he can even make a bit out of it for his new show that he’s working on. He lets out a groan at the thought.

“You okay?” Eddie immediately asks and Richie is touched by his concern.

“Yeah,” he smiles, “just realized I’ll have to rewrite a bunch of my show with this information known. I had a whole bit about dating your mom.”

“Fuck you, dude,” Eddie say as he pinches him, but he is also laughing as Richie squeaks and tries to get away from the attack.

“Breakfast is probably cold now,” Richie comments after a moment.

“That’s okay,” Eddie tells him and gets up, pulling Richie up as well, using the moment to check Richie over. God, he truly got so lucky with Eddie as his boyfriend. He never had someone care for him like Eddie does, except his parents, but even that was different.

Eddie cares deeply without making Richie feel incompetent or a chore. He just chose Richie and loves him, thus wants him to be alright. It takes his breath away.

Eddie cares by gently encouraging him when they work out together, by cooking healthy and delicious foods, by being there when the nerves get to him, by holding him when he wants to be held, and by listening to his comedy, giving genuine feedback, yet also compliments and the validation Richie has always craved. And Eddie is the one person who can keep up with Richie the best, both in banter and how his thoughts jump around.

Of course he cares about Eddie as well, but after his mother and then Myra, Richie knows better than to care in an overbearing manner. He’ll do chores, keeping the house clean as Eddie works, cuddle with him on the couch or in bed, help him with chronic pain, but back off if asked. He likes being able to care for Eddie like that, in a way that makes him feel safe.

They just care differently.

Right now, Eddie needs to be assured that Richie is okay and Richie needs to feel like someone will always be in his corner.

After Eddie has ensured Richie is truly as okay as he will be, he gives him a kiss on the nose that has Richie grinning like a loon. He manages to blink out of it and follow Eddie to the breakfast bar where they eat the cold breakfast.

All throughout Richie is distracted, but for once Eddie doesn’t scold him for being on his phone. He checks the damages, trying to gauge the reactions and come up with what to do next. He should definitely call his manager back. Fuck, Steve will have his head. But he’ll also help him with coming up with a statement or something.

Beyond twitter, he also has a bunch of message from people he hasn’t spoken with in forever reaching out now that he’s in the midst of a controversy.

Luckily, all the Losers have also reached out, both private and in the groups chat. It truly warms his heart and he feels so blessed that he has these people back into his life again. They were the pieces that have been missing for so long. The people who were meant to fill the loneliness.

He ignores most people that have reached out, but replies to the Losers, having his confidence boosted by their support. It’s such a nice feeling to know he won’t be alone again.

When breakfast is done, he bites the bullet and calls Steve, his manager. Anxiously clicking the button, not even having a few rings to steel himself as Steve picks up immediately: “What the hell, Rich! You could have at least prepared me for this stunt.”

“It was an accident,” Richie mumbles, feeling a little sheepish about it.

“An- An accident!” Steve exclaims. “How do you always manage to do this?”

“Steve,” Richie sighs, not in the mood to be berated. “I know I fucked up. I can’t take this back. I know, trust me. Lets just talk solutions.”

And Steve must hear something in his voice, because he drops it. Richie can almost picture him rub his forehead tiredly as he says: “Alright. So, it’s not too bad. But you need to say something. People are taking your silence and running with it. You need to confirm or go underground again and have a long while of no comment and I don’t know if you can manage that.”

“I think I need to confirm,” Richie says.

“Good, good, that’s good,” Steve sounds so relieved as he agrees, like he feared Richie would not want to, which would make his life so much harder. It makes Richie snort a little.

The snort lightens the mood a little, which Eddie picks up on. He quirks his brow up from where he’s seated close for moral support. Richie smiles and Eddie smiles back. That smile only hardens Richie’s resolve. So, he asks: “What’s the plan now?”

“We can go through normal media lines, but that gives you less control about it and most get their news from social media anyway,” Steve explains. “So, I think it’s best to get a message out there on twitter. You can do just do a conformation tweet, but you can also go video. Send it to me before posting it, please, Richie.”

“Ahw, don’t you trust me?” Richie pouts, playfully.

“No, I know you, that’s different,” Steve tells him, which is both fair and unfair. Richie has gotten better, but Steve has been there for all his lows and stupid shit.

So, he says: “Alright, I’ll let you check.”

“Good,” Steve nods. “Now, are you okay by yourself to figure this out?”

“Yeah, I have Eds as back up,” Richie assures Steve.

“Alright,” Steve says. “Call me if you’re stuck.”

“I will,” Richie promises, before they both hang up. And Richie is confronted with the silence that means he has to face the reality and do something about it now.

He’s broken out of his stare into a different dimension by Eddie nudging him and softly asking: “Hi, you doing okay?”

Richie looks up and grins, pushing Eddie’s sweaty hair up his forehead and says: “With you smelly presence here, I am fabulous.”

“Oh fuck you, dude,” Eddie replies, both of them knowing he hasn’t showered yet to support Richie emotionally.

“I love you too,” Richie grins, before assuring him: “You can go shower, sweetie-sweaty. I have to pick whether I want to put effort into this or not.”

“Asshole,” Eddie says, but he’s smiling again (not that Richie doesn’t love his little frown) and he goes to shower.

Richie sits down and contemplates. He could make a video. He is known for performances, so video should be his comfort zone. He also wouldn’t be bound to the character limit twitter sets. However, that would mean making a script and getting psycho-analyzed for his body language by randos on the internet. Plus, the idea of having the perform makes him want to vomit.

Text it is! He can just take a screenshot of his notes should it come to that.

Now to think of what to say. He already has decided that he wants to confirm. But should he explain? Should he give backstory? Should he be short yet sweet? Or try and be funny? And he mentioned his boyfriend, how does Eddie see this? Should he say something about that?

He opens the notes app on his phone and stares at it, before he decides to just start trying things and find what feels right. Starting with typing: Yeah, I’m gay lmao

It’s short and funny. It would give everyone the information to end canceling campaigns, but it wouldn't put him in a position to be open and vulnerable. Richie likes it, but the more he stares at it, the more it starts to feel dismissive. He doesn’t want to come across as an asshole, he’s already done that for most of his career.

So, he sighs and deletes the text, before trying again: Surprise, I am gay! No, I didn’t make it up for attention, please ignore it ever happened

That’s a little pathetic and vulnerable, albeit true. He wants people to know, he doesn’t care if they do if he’s quite honest, he just doesn’t want to talk about it ever. Okay, so maybe he’s not yet fully comfortable, but it happened and it’s more that he knows it will always be a topic and people are going to be invasive that bothers him, more than people actually knowing does.

He sighs and deletes it as well, staring at his blinking indicator on screen, before trying a different route: As you’ve all seen, I posted a jokey comment yesterday. It was not my intent to come out, the chance for comedy overtook me and I forgot I wasn’t out yet. But now here I am. Out. Hopefully everyone understands that this is not a topic I wish to comment on more for now, once I do you will all know, because gay jokes will make me unstoppable. For now, I will just confirm and go hibernate like a bear ;p

This is more honest and would be a screenshot of his notes to post. However, it makes him look like an idiot.

Hell, he feels like an idiot. Who the fuck forgets they’re not out? Him, apparently.

Fuck, he just likes talking about Eddie, alright. None of their friends ever let him forget how obnoxious they are now that they’re not both repressing how they’re feelings. They’re just that couple, who constantly talks about and teases the other. It’s a brand. He just saw the opportunity and took it, like he has done his entire life with jokes.

Before he can delete this version too, however, he is distracted by Eddie returning now wet from his shower. He sees Richie on the couch, still in his pajamas and asks: “You doing okay? Found something to post?”

Richie sighs and gestures to his phone as he says: “It all sucks,” before explaining his attempts to Eddie.

Eddie just listens as he explains, nodding along to show that he understands, that he is listening to his words. Richie can’t explain how much he appreciates that. Because, yeah, they’re often lovingly bullying each other, but they know when the other isn’t in a mindset to be teased. And Eddie knows that Richie never had many people willing to listen to him, how relieved he is that Eddie is listening to him, not dismissing him.

Plus, of course, Eddie is part of this conversation. Which Richie acknowledges and also hates about the whole situation. “I also mentioned you, well, not you-you, but a boyfriend, which does not have to be you, but people will speculate. And I don’t know if I should say something about it or not, because it can just encourage some people to pry.”

He cards his hands through his hair and heaves a deep breath, done with speaking and feeling a little empty after.

Next to him, Eddie gives a thoughtful hum. He is still nodding as he thinks, before he says: “Well, I don’t want to be mentioned by name and if looking into me could be discouraged, I would be in favor of that.”

“In favor of that,” Richie repeats. “Are you a senator or something? You don’t have to lobby here, we can make this together. It’s your life too.”

“Thanks,” Eddie gives a lopsided smile, before he exclaims: “But I totally could be a senator. I have the face.”

“Yeah, a generic white guy, who fits into corporate America,” Richie rolls his eyes, but he’s laughing. “They’d eat you up.”

“Hell yeah they would,” Eddie smirks.

There’s a natural pause in the conversation, before Richie says: “So, a note about not looking you up, got it. Let’s start again.” He grabs his phone and mumbles as he types: “Yes, this is my confession, or coming out, or whatever you want to call it. I am gay. However, before I go into my sob story, I want to state that I will not answer any questions about my boyfriend. I gave up a little privacy to become a public figure, he did not. Respect that.” Then he looks up at Eddie and asks him: “What do you think of that?”

“Little dramatic,” Eddie critiques.

“I am dramatic,” Richie guffaws, offended, before dropping the show. “Is it too dramatic?”

“Depends,” Eddie shrugs. “It fits with your personality, but you weren’t ready to come out yet and now you’re talking about telling your sob story? How far do you want to get into it?”

Richie sighs again, he’s been doing that a lot this morning, then tries to follow his own thoughts, made easier by verbalizing them. “I don’t know. I wanted to just post a quick confirmation, but then everyone will ask me about it. If I just throw the story out there and then hide until the latest scandal, then- I mean, I guess I hope they just forget to ask me anything about it.”

“Do you think that will work?” Eddie asks. He doesn’t know much of this lifestyle, tries not to be involved, so his only source is Richie.

“Depends on how interesting they find it,” Richie shrugs. “Right now they smell a scandal. They see ‘Comedian Richie Tozier Mocks LGBTQ Community’ on the covers of their gossip rags and while ‘Comedian Richie Tozier Comes Out as Gay’ is also a story, but its less of scandal than the first. If someone else does something noteworthy it will likely over shine it. But that is only when they don’t decide to pull up all my old work and try to cancel me over it or analyze me about it and try to dig into all the reasons I repressed myself.”

Now it’s Eddie turn to sigh as he wonders out loud: “Are they ever going to let you forget that? I mean, you’ve changed.”

“I know, but I know it was shit. People will always be mad about it,” Richie says. He isn’t proud of the sexist jokes he used to tell, who he hears them quote. He was an asshole and the people who he hurt can bring it up whenever they want in his book. He just hates it when the magazines come after him, trying to condemn him for things he is trying to correct. As if they don’t allow him to grow as a person, as if they have that power over him. It drives him mad.

“I don’t like that they keep reminding you of it,” Eddie still pouts. “You’re a braver person than they’ll ever know. They don’t know what you’ve been through. How much you’ve had to deal with, how much you worked on yourself. Derry sucked and it took all of us years to recover from it. Your stupid mistakes are just on the record.”

It does something with Richie’s heart to see Eddie so protective over him and he can’t help but place a soft kiss on his cheek. The texture of the scar under his lips feels familiar and it makes him all the more grateful that Eddie is alive. That he is here with him.

“What was that for?” Eddie asks, an instinctual smile on his face, making his dimples appear, which Richie loves so much.

Richie’s own face contort into a smile as well as he softly replies: “I just love you.”

Eddie melts besides him and says: “I love you too, you absolute softie.”

“Fuck you, you’re just as bad,” Richie argues with a smile. He likes this ribbing a lot more than the serious conversation from before.

“Am not,” Eddie protests.

“Are too,” Richie shoots back just to be annoying, even sticking out his tongue to go with it.

“I have never done anything soft in my life,” Eddie huffs dramatically.

“Yeah, right, tell that to the roses that got delivered to my dressing room the first time I went back on stage,” Richie says, recalling that memory with a wave of fondness for the man next to him.

“Shut up,” Eddie blushes, not meeting Richie eyes.

“Ahww, Eddie spaghetti, the cutest there is!” Richie exclaims, pinching Eddie’s cheek as he does.

“Stop it,” Eddie says as he swats Richie hand away, but he can’t hide the laughter in his voice as he does.

The action reminds him of their childhood. Of Richie annoying Eddie and Eddie pretending he hated it, while sharing in a blush. How they have been years in the making, even if they forgot each other for a long while.

Eddie has always been part of his life, part of the person he wants to be. Eddie keeps him grounded and makes him feel loved. Makes it feel like all those years of self-hatred, of loneliness, were worth it, because he gets to have this life with Eddie now. And he’d go through what happened a hundred times over if it means this is the outcome.

His past is part of him. It has shaped him, shaped them. He can’t forget that. Derry is intertwined with who they were, who they grew up to be. His reaction to the whole thing won’t make sense without that part of him, he can mention it.

“Where did you go?” Eddie asks, after a few seconds, having noticed that Richie’s thoughts drifted away to a different places.

“Yeah,” Richie smiles reassuringly. “I think I wanna talk a little about Derry in the post. Will you read it after I type it?”

“Of course,” Eddie says without hesitation. “Take your time.”

“Thanks,” Richie says, before setting to work crafting the message he wants to send out into the world. It takes a little time to fine tune it, before letting Eddie check it over and making the last adjustment.

With both of them happy he sends it to Steve to be checked over. He gets a thumbs up back after a few minutes, thus screenshots what he wrote and posts it on twitter. It reads:

Hi, if you’re aware of me enough to read this you have probably seen my latest (albeit hilarious and completely true) reaction to a tweet. It has sparked some controversy because I have never said that I was gay. And that is correct! I forgot I am not out and just saw the opportunity for a joke and took it, because – to put an end the rumors – I am gay. It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I am comfortable enough to joke around with my sexuality like this, since I grew up in a highly homophobic small town. Slurs and bullying have followed me for a long time and I repressed a lot of those feeling for a long time, hiding behind a facade of misogynist straight guy as to not raise suspicion, which I regret. However, I have been able to work through those feelings, helped by support from my friends and my lovely boyfriend. I am very thankful for them and glad I got to grow. I am very happy where I am right now, but coming out was an accident. I will likely not share more about it until I am more comfortable, thank you for understanding. I also ask you all not to pry into the life of my boyfriend. I have chosen to be a public figure, he absolutely has not, so please respect that. That is all I wish to say about the situation now.

He posts it with as caption: Tl;DR: yeah, I’m gay lmao

Once he’s done so, he texts to the groups chat that he’s okay, just turning his phone off for a bit and to text Eddie if they want to reach him, before putting his phone away. A part of him wants to religiously check all the reactions, the other part of him wants to put his fingers into his ears and lalalala his way into forgetting it exists.

Eddie takes him into his arms, saying nothing and just rubbing his back. It allows Richie to let himself be comforted without feeling like he has to do something, give a reaction. He can just exist with a far away stare.

It’s nice to lie like this and he’s glad this didn’t happen on a day when Eddie had to go to work. He honestly doesn’t know what he would do without Eddie.

“I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you too,” Eddie replies easily, planting a kiss on his forehead and holding him closer.

When lunch time rolls around Eddie gets Richie snapped out of it a little, not wanting him to disappear too far into his own world. Eddie cooks something nice as Richie scrolls through the messages of the other Losers on Eddie’s phone.

Beverly has shared some of the memes people made about the situation to cheer him up. His favorite is one reading: When the urge to make a gay joke is so big but you’re not out with the image of the bulging veins boy below it.

Meanwhile, Billy has gone through the pits of twitter to find nice encouraging messages from people to Richie, which nearly makes him cry, though he doesn’t say that. Billy himself has also posted words of encouragement on twitter, as did Bev.

Ben isn’t famous like Beverly, Billy and Richie are, but he’s just send encouraging words and offered his wood cottage if he needs to get away from bustling Hollywood, which he might take him up on if this ends in him being stopped in the street every time he goes out.

Mike isn’t famous at all, but that isn’t stopping him from being vocal, though not over text. He has chosen to pick fights with random people online, who are shitheads. Richie and Eddie are kept up to date about his shenanigans in the group chat.

At some point Richie sends Mike a text that it’s very sweet, but he doesn’t have to do that, because that might get hatred redirected at Mike.

To that Mike responds: Man, I have pulled you out of your life towards Derry and there you saved my life, of course I’m going to protect you from these assholes. Besides, they’re nothing against It and they have nothing on me. I’m out here exploring the world, they have to find me first if they want to come fight me.

It makes Richie again feel so lucky with his friends. They have all decided that Mike gave up enough, so they all sponsor him, so he can go see the world, yet Mike doesn’t let the time he was trapped in Derry make him bitter. He still loves them and this is how he shows it.

Somehow he is reminded of the time they were both stuck in the vision, back when they fought It as kids when they came together in the clubhouse to do the smoke ritual. Back then it was the two of them as well and they kept each other safe. In a way, they’re still living the echoes of then.

By the time lunch is over #protectiveboyMike is on the trending page right next to #UselessGayTozier.

A lot of people think Mike is the boyfriend. Mike denies it with the statement: I’m not, but what if I was? That a problem?, which only invites more reactions.

The whole thing makes Richie feel much better about himself. Just three years ago, he would have lost his mind at the idea of being out, of being comfortable with what has always floated beneath the surface. And he never would have believed he has the support system that he does. Yet, here they are. His friends. He feels like a very lucky man.

Eddie kisses his cheek, snapping him out of his musings. He says: “Had enough scrolling for today?”

“Yeah,” Richie says, feeling a lot better about himself.

~~

A/N:

Do y’all ever really panic and then ur like, done. Like, you can’t be bothered anymore, because you got all the panic out and now you feel a bit like a drama queen.

[bootleg-sara]

I’ve also been thinking about Bennett recently. And with me official deciding he’s Isaac’s alter, I’ve been working on fleshing him out properly as a character.

So here’s a post all about that! Going to explain lots about him and his relationship to Isaac

CW for a few mentions of Child Abuse at the start

First thing first, Bennett has been with Isaac for most of his life. Coming into Isaac’s life around when he was 5. Isaac’s mom and dad where both mentally and physically abusive. Isaac was left in isolation for long periods of time. Bennett acts a lot like an older brother for Isaac. Always being there for him and offering support whenever needed. Though as the aged their relationship evolved to be more like close friends. Isaac’s playful snark comes mostly from Bennett. Bennett is a loud mouth and is not afraid to say anything that comes to his mind. He is the first to stand up for himself and will tell you off if he thinks your being stupid about something. He has a “tough love” mentality and hates sugar coating his words.

Of course he’s absolutely capable of soft compassion, but hiding from the truth is something he’d rather avoid. A mindset he has been trying to get Isaac to listen to for years now. He can be rather hard on Isaac sometimes, but it comes from a place of worry and not malice. He and Isaac mainly bond together via video games. A past time they both enjoy quite a lot. Bennett also takes pleasure in the occasional writing and watching e-sports. Bennett loves playing fps the most out of any. He’s more into competitive gaming than Isaac is. Bennett thinks poop and fart jokes are the funniest things ever. Isaac despises how childish it is, but Bennett does not care at all. He will laugh at a fart joke every time without fail. The mf who willing watched those early 2000’s gross out shows like mister meaty.

Isaac is almost always the one fronting. Bennett is more of a casual observer than an active player. He’ll offer advice when asked and sometimes jut in with his own opinion, but Isaac is the one who presents himself publicly 9 times out of 10. They both had agreed to this style for a long time, as Bennett can make peace with simply watching. Bennett only ever fronts in private, and that’s usually to partake in his own fun for a small bit. Bennett hasn’t properly fronted in public since they where small children. While the two of them get along pretty well most days, they don’t share opinions on everything. One big difference for them is their sexualities. Bennett is straight, while Isaac is gay. They agreed that Isaac would be in charge of the physical relationships because Isaac is the host. Though Bennett can be a little salty about it sometimes. Isaac does compensate for Bennett so he doesn’t get to frustrated about their love life.

Something that really fucked with their relationship however was when their soul was sent to the afterlife. Bennett had a full in freak out when they where first sent down. Other than the nearly dying part, being so suddenly forced out to front made him panic. It took a bit of time for Bennett to adjust to being the main person in control. It didn’t help that Isaac was asleep for a large portion of it, as the shock of the switch knocked Isaac right out. Which I’m turn also lead to Bennett not being as available on earth. He gets tired super fast at first, not being used to the mental work of dealing with people so personally. Eventually they both get into a new groove of life. But things still felt wrong between the two of them. It’s not just the new mental challenges (Bennett is not used to being so stressed out while being physically involved), but also their looks.

Bennett took some time to adjust to having blue skin and the like, he even started to like it after awhile. Isaac not so much. He hates how “similar” they look to each other, as Isaac had a firm mental image of Bennett up until now. “I don’t even recognize you anymore. Who even are you?” Isaac would say, questioning his perception of not just Bennett, but himself. It definitely threw a wrench into their connection.

But like they have before, they’ll work this little problem out. Hopefully.

Oof, kinda went into their story a bit more than intended. Oh well! Hope you enjoyed this small ramble anyhow. Not exactly as fleshed out as I’d like, but I’m getting there.

[willexmagic]

Can we please get so headcanons for Reggie and Alex? 🥺

yes you ABSOLUTELY can anon. it’s reggie peters and alex mercer loving hours

they meet in middle school because of luke and bobby being mutual friends. at first alex is super nervous cuz he has two close friends already and that’s all he needs but reggie latches onto him like a koala and they get really close

alex used to let reggie stay over at his place when reggie’s parents would argue a lot. alex’s parents were super chill about it and more than happy to feed reggie until alex comes out and they start warily wondering if alex and reggie are dating

reggie’s the one who knows how to handle alex’s panic attacks the best, bc he’s usually the most calm one. he’ll always do his best to walk alex through it and make sure he’s okay in the end.

reggie’s not oblivious to alex’s constant snarks, but he doesn’t mind it cuz that’s just how their relationship is -- alex is very much the annoyed older brother and reggie the silly younger one.

this means that whatever stupid ideas reggie has planned, alex will absolutely tag along. despite the fact that they’re dead now alex still gets nervous about what kind of trouble reggie could get into and when reggie dares him to do stuff like jump off the studio roof, alex can’t exactly say no

reggie takes a long time to realize that he’s not really straight, but when he finally does of course the first person he goes to is alex. alex is like “is this because i’m your gay friend?” and reggie is like “absolutely not it’s because you’re my brother and also luke would have no idea what to say, he’s clueless.”

reggie is totally alex’s wingman when alex reveals he has a crush on willie. only thing is reggie doesn’t know how to be subtle so when they’re hanging out reggie will turn to willie and be like “hey do you know alex is gay?” and alex wishes he could die again

spinning off that, when alex and willie finally get together willie immediately becomes reggie’s newest best friend. they’ll hang out a lot together, just the two of them, and reggie teaches willie the bass and willie shows reggie how to do ghost stuff like play pranks on people

[kkgbutsane]

The First Day of School

It was a dewy morning. Not too hot, not too cold, far too humid. It was the usual for Hyakkou High School, where students came to learn and excel in their studies while maintaining good social relationships. The school was usually filled with many different students. Any stereotype you could think of, Hyakkou had it. 

The students usually had fun. The Principal was quite lax when it came to certain things. All he asked of the students was to respect each other and respect the building. And to keep their grades up of course. They would be failing as a school if the students weren’t receiving the proper education!

And this is where their story begins.

“Ack. Hey! Mary!” Ryota called out from behind the blonde, who was currently looking down on her phone. The boy ran up to his best friend, hooking his arm around the back of her neck to bring her into a headlock. “Hey! Don’t mess up my hair you dork!” Mary growled, trying to wrestle her way out of Ryota’s lock.

The two continued their conundrum until they reached the gates of the school, where Mary finally got a good grip and threw her friend over her shoulder, thus leading to him falling on his backpack. “Ow…,” he muttered, smiling like an idiot.

Mary Saotome and Ryota Suzui had been friends since childhood. They were even neighbors, and she often came over to his house to play on his Wii with him. Their friendship had blossomed into a relationship.

Until they realized they were better off as best friends. In fact, after they had broken up and continued to be platonic, it seemed as though their friendship grew stronger.

“Hi guys!” The two heard a familiar voice, registering it as their other best friend, Yumeko Jabami. Yumeko had met them all in middle school, when she had moved here with her sister. The ravenette was one to take risks, and found pleasure in dangerous things. Of course, only in moderation. In reality, the only things she had taken much risk for was a move in a fighting game. Or a board game.

Her bubbly exterior was often in place of her mellow interior. She tended to keep to herself truly, unless with her friends.

“Yumeko!” Ryota yelled happily, jogging over and scooping the girl in a tight hug. Much to his delight, Yumeko returned the hug tenfold.

“ShiT, I can’t breaTHE-,” he barely managed, his face turning purple. He should have known, the girl was a strong hugger. “Oi, calm down you two, before I separate you guys for 10 minutes straight, and I know that will be a pain since you usually do homework together in the mornings,” Mary stated, crossing her arms. Yumeko finally relented, giving Ryota’s respiratory system some reprieve. Yumeko looked quite meek, but she could give hugs like no other.

“Mary!” Yumeko giggled, giving the blonde another one of her bone crushing hugs. “Sup, dumbass,” Mary replied, smiling softly at her friend’s gestures of affection. “Are you all ready for your first days of school!?” 

It was the start of junior year for the three, and boy were their classes packed. Ryota was taking a few classes on science and health, as well as a gym class to exercise and get fit. He wanted to be a firefighter, and such education was necessary to ensure he was a good candidate for the job.

“I have… Anatomy first period. Woohoo,” Mary sighed. She was actually quite excited, but decided not to show it in order to keep her cool exterior. The path she had chosen was Emergency Medical Services, and taking anatomy was the first step in her opinion.

“Oh? That’s so wonderful! I have Calculus for my first period. I wonder if Sayaka is going to be in that class!” Yumeko said eagerly. Sayaka was one of the other kids attending this school. The girl mainly kept to herself, but she had recently started acquainting herself with the ravenette.

“Gah! Sorry I’m late guys! I kinda missed my bus…” A ginger voice panted, revealed to be none other than Itsuki Sumeragi. The strawberry blonde had met the three last year when she was a sophomore. After transferring from a private school to Hyakkou, the tight-knit group had taken her in, welcoming her as one of their own. “Hey! I heard there’s gonna be a pair of new students! I hear they’re seniors,” Itsuki gossiped, taking out her Nintendo Switch and turning it on.

“Ooh, Smash? Let’s do this!” Ryota declared, taking his controller and setting it to his button map.

“So what about these new students? Do they seem weird or anything?” Mary inquired, picking her character, King K. Rool, and setting her button map. “Oh come on, why do you ALWAYS play heavies!?” Ryota complained, picking Marth as his character. “Because heavies are fucking goated, why else?” the blonde snarked back, a sly smirk on her face.

“I don’t know. But I heard they’re twins!” Itsuki giggled, sitting down to watch them play.

“Heya guys,” a shrill voice came out of nowhere. “You playin’ Smash? I’ll join!” it giggled. Runa had seemingly appeared out of nowhere in her oversized jacket. “Oh no…,” The entire group groaned.

“Runa, you’re cool and all, but whenever we play with you, you find a way to resize our assholes every match in different ways. I really don’t want to get 0-to-deathed consecutively while you stay on three stocks. Seriously, how the fuck do you even do it!?” Mary spoke, seemingly for the entire group. “I dunno, just practice TBH,” was all Runa said, picking up a controller. “And fuck you, I’m playing anyway.” 

The sound of groans could be heard around the courtyard after that statement.

Sayaka Igarashi, resident Valedictorian-to-be, had come over to the table with Midari Ikishima, who was dragging along a seemingly sleepy senior. “C’mon Yuriko. I know you have senioritis but our friends are here!” Midari grumbled, literally dragging Yuriko. Yuriko Nishinotounin had gotten a severe case of Senioritis, especially since most of her classes were a breeze this year. 

“Would you both calm down please!? They’re playing a game, and I’m trying to read!” Sayaka chided, mentally swearing at the rebel. “Chill out, Sayaka, Yuriko is already falling asleep on me and it’s not even 7:30!” Midari grumbled.

“I can’t wait for senior year to be over,” Yuriko yawned, sitting on the table everyone was at basically falling asleep.

“What the fu- NO!” Mary yelled, distracted by Yuriko long enough for Runa to get a move on her, resulting in her virtual demise. “Fuuuuck!” she sighed, hitting her head against the wooden table. “FUCK!” she repeated, after feeling the pain that came along with it. Ryota had already fallen out of the competition.

Please nerf Lucas.

Yumeko hummed happily to herself, reading some random tabloid article on her phone. As the bell rang, they all dispersed into their classes.

“See you guys later!” Ryota called, jogging over to the weight room for his first period.

The three girls had made their way over to the Portables, then separating into their classrooms. 

Sayaka practically dragged her two friends to their classes and then her own, all while keeping to the schedule. Anatomy was her first period, and she sat next to Mary. 

It wouldn’t be too bad of a year. Mary was a good student and wasn’t too hard to talk to. She just mostly liked to keep to herself.

“Good morning class! Welcome to Anatomy! You guys are obviously gonna be learning about the body, it’s functions, what is where and what goes where and woop dee dah, all the good stuff! Hopefully I can make learning about how food passes through the body actually entertaining for y’all, but first we have two new students with us today! They’ve recently transferred over, so let’s give ‘em a warm welcome to Hyakkou!” The teacher, Mrs. Murray, announced. She looked a bit older, with a tall figure and ginger hair in her face. Her glasses looked odd, but it added to her look.

People like Mrs. Murray because she was actually a good teacher. She cared about her students and actually helped them if they needed it.

“Ladies, if you would please introduce yourselves!” 

The entire class looked at the two, and for a moment they thought they saw double.

“Hello. My name is Kirari Momobami. I’m a senior here, and it’s a pleasure to meet you all. I hope we can get along,” The girl, now known as Kirari, had stated.

It seemed her sister’s turn was up next.

“Er.. I’m Ririka Momobami. We’re twins. I hope we can… have a good time!” Ririka muttered, almost too quietly for the class to hear.

Mrs. Murray smiled and beckoned them to take their seats.

Their seats were in front of both Sayaka and Mary, who seemed to be in a state of both ‘gay’ and ‘panic’.

The two twins looked vastly different, with Kirari’s hair done in twin loop braids and dressed in a rather classy manner, while Ririka’s hair was free to fall.

Wait.

Did Ririka have a sweatshirt that had the Poggers Man on it?

Mary internally laughed at that. It was adorable.

When class had dispersed to work in groups, Mary and Sayaka had picked each other on instinct, then looking for two more partners to start their work on.

“Sayaka!” Mary whisper-yelled, a small blush on her face. She then gestured to her phone to text the girl.

Mary S: HOLY SHIT IM GAY

Sayaka I: I am too. Which one are you gay for?

Mary S: Ririka.

Sayaka I: Oh. I like her too.

Mary glared at Sayaka for a moment.

Mary S: The one with the adorable hair and clothing?

The blonde mentally facepalmed, of course Sayaka would think that. No matter the twin.

Sayaka I: Yes. I love how her hair is done. Plus her shirt looks nice.

Mary S: Oh. So the one with the weird braids?

Sayaka I: Don’t call them weird.

Mary S: ok but dont worry cause im crushing on the other twin. I swear her sweatshirt is adorable.

Sayaka I: .

Sayaka I: poggers

Mary S: LMAO HOLD UP IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS ONE

Sayaka I: Be my guest.

The two had reluctantly come up to the twins.

“Hello! I am Sayaka Igarashi, and this is Mary Saotome. It seems you both don’t have another pair, so if you’d like, we can work with you,” Sayaka stated, trying to sound as polite as possible. Nothing could hide the blush on her face though.

“Sure, I would love to work with you both,” Kirari replied, a small smirk forming on her face.

Ririka just nodded with a small smile.

It was going to be a long year.

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Recs: Hogwarts Eighth Year

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 The Standard You Walk Past by bafflinghaze Rated:  Mature Words:  46202 Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Some Homophobia in the Wizarding World, Romance, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, flangst, Angst, SO MUCH FLUFF, And a bit of sap, Legilimency, Dreams and Nightmares, Slow Build, Prejudice Against Slytherins, Roommates, Redeemed Draco Malfoy, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Minor Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Malfoy - Freeform Summary:  On returning to Hogwarts for their Eighth Year, Headmistress McGonagall decided to room Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter together. She may have hoped for a leading example of house unity; the other students fully expected insults and fights. But nothing happened. That was, until Harry sleepwalked into Draco’s bed. Translation links available inside for Indonesian, Chinese, Korean, Russian, Thai, Spanish, and Portuguese ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Montaigne Aspirations by countingcr0ws Rated:  Mature Words:  16681 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Post-War, Head Boy Draco Malfoy, Head Girl Hermione Granger, Good Draco Malfoy, Hufflepuff Common Room, Hufflepuff Draco Malfoy, Draco Malfoy Needs a Hug, Harry Potter Has Long Hair, Discussion of Abortion, discussion about consent, Mutual Pining, Hufflepuff Harry Potter, Hufflepuff Hermione Granger Summary:  Draco’s been trying to be nothing but upstanding since you know what. Between crawling into places every day (oh, the woe) in his new yellow tie, avoiding heterosexual threats to the proper development of his young homosexual self, and being exhausted by how high maintenance Gryffindors are, Draco’s eighth year is still a lot better than he had initially expected. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Only Fools Fall (For You) by welpslytherin Rated:  Explicit Words:  6212 Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, The Great Lake | The Black Lake (Harry Potter), Skinny Dipping, Pining, Fluff and Angst, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, First Time, Mutual Pining Summary:  It’s the summer of '98 and a certain blond Slytherin has amends to make and feelings to get over. Featuring skinny dipping, a bold Harry Potter, and a blushing Draco Malfoy. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Pinned! by whileatwiltshire Rated: General Words:  4193 Tags: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Pining Harry Potter, Pining Draco Malfoy, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Draco Malfoy, Draco curses a lot in this! Summary:  What's your game, Potter?" he asked calmly as Potter's face floated an inch away from him. After their second proximity incident, Draco had taken special care to note the specky git's whereabouts and behaviour; watching him with the corner of his eye whenever he could. And in his observation, he had noticed that while Potter did fumble around like a blind fool without his glasses, not once, once, did he pull anyone as close to his eye level to confirm their identity. It was only Draco. Only him. And Draco needed to find out why. Or, Five times Draco got pinned to the wall by Potter, who was surely, up to something. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Take All That You See by GallifreyisBurning Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  19666 Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Bullying, Boys Kissing, First Kiss, Coming Out, Leaked Sex Photographs, Off-Screen Reference to Gore, Redeemed Draco Malfoy, Draco Malfoy Has Panic Attacks, Lucius Malfoy Being an Asshole, Disowned Draco Malfoy, Supportive Harry Potter, Minor Seamus Finnigan/Dean Thomas, Hogwarts Eighth Year, H/D Sex Fair 2020 Summary:  Draco Malfoy has only two goals for his eighth year are Hogwarts: 1) stay as invisible as possible, and 2) get enough NEWTs to be accepted at a university abroad and get the hell out of the UK. Everything is going according to plan until he is unceremoniously outed by the Daily Prophet and subsequently disowned. Finding himself the unexpected focus of unwanted attention and harassment, he is suddenly dependent on the good will and protection of the last people he would have expected — Harry Potter and his gang of do-gooder Gryffindors (plus Luna Lovegood). With his world turned upside down, how will Draco make it through the rest of the year? And worse still, as he grows closer and closer to Harry, how will he get out with his heart intact? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 For every question why, you were my Because by HugsandButterflyKisses Rated:  Explicit Words:  59924 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Coming Out, First Time, Mutual Pining, i'll update as we go on dw, harry is a lil clueless but hes got the spirit, Sharing Clothes, Masturbation, Slow Burn, Shower Sex, Halloween, just a lot of shenanigans by the slytherins Summary:  Harry expects his final year at Hogwarts to be simple. Go to class, hang out with Ron and Hermione, and most importantly, no threats of dying. It seems fate, and the Slytherins, have other plans. or The Eighth Year fic where Harry and Draco can't seem to get rid of one another. But...maybe neither of them mind all that much. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 White Lies by cassisluna Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  171013 Tags: Slash, Homosexuality, EWE, AU, Mutual Pining, Pining Harry, Pining Draco Malfoy, Hurt/Comfort, Potions Accident, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hogwarts Era Summary:  Draco drinks a potion that makes him know if a person is lying, and Harry, apparently at fault that Draco is this way, is forced to 'help' him with the effects of the potion. For the first time, they deal with each other with no lies to hide behind. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 knickers in a twist by technicolourbeat Rated:  Explicit Words:  86461 Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Reconciliation, Smut, Crossdressing, Boys in Skirts, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Top Harry Potter, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Semi-Public Sex, Riding, Topping from the Bottom, Draco Malfoy in a Skirt, Rimming, Lace Panties, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Public Sex, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Secret Relationship, Fuckbuddies, Shameless Smut, Sexual Roleplay, Fluff and Humor, Porn With Plot Summary:  Draco loses a bet to Pansy and Blaise which leaves him wearing a skirt for a whole week. Harry discovers something about himself. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Blue Roses and Other Impossible Things by Cassiara Rated:  Explicit Words:  40283 Tags: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Homophobic Language, Angst, Fluff, First Time, Bottom Harry, Top Draco Malfoy, Hogwarts Eighth Year, POV Harry Potter, Virgin Harry, Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Bad Flirting, Loss of Virginity, Podfic Welcome, Pining, Getting Together Summary:  After Harry saved Draco from the Room of Requirement there was a moment when Draco gave Harry a look. Harry didn’t know what to make of it, and he had a war to fight so he ignored it. Now though, they’re back at Hogwarts sharing a dorm and Harry is obsessed with seeing that look again. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 In the Midnight Blue by xanthippe74 Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  5508 Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Christmas, Light Angst, Developing Relationship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Anxiety, Dreams and Nightmares, Flying, Hopeful Ending, Winter, HP Wireless Festive Minifest 2020, Songfic Summary:  On a Christmas Eve broom ride over Hogwarts, Harry shows Draco that he’s braver than he thinks. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Owl Was Well by fencer_x Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  66823 Tags: Post-Second War with Voldemort, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hogwarts, Animagus, Animagus Draco Malfoy, Owls, Snarky Draco Malfoy, Snarky Harry Potter, Snark, Draco Malfoy & Pansy Parkinson Friendship, Sexually Adventurous Blaise Zabini, Humor, Toilet humor, POV Draco Malfoy, Invasion of Privacy, Brief Mention of Animal Death(s), Fighting, Minor Injuries, H/D Erised 2020, Slow Burn Summary:  Draco Malfoy is not an owl, really he isn’t. He simply assumes the shape of one on occasion when he wants to find a bit of privacy—a goal entirely thwarted because Harry Potter doesn’t understand you can’t just grab any old bird from the Owlery and force it to send your missives and deliver your packages. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Nightmare Club by Elle Gray (Elle_Gray) Rated:  Explicit Words:  85072 Tags:  Post-Second War with Voldemort, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Tropes, Banter, Slow Burn, Humor, Trials, Light Angst, Sentient Doors, Male Friendship, Friendship, Misunderstandings, Pining, Jealousy, Jealous Harry Potter, Jealous Draco Malfoy, Accidental Voyeurism, Voyeurism, Forced Proximity, Snarky Draco Malfoy, Sarcastic Harry Potter, Smut, Sexual Fantasy, Masturbation, Blow Jobs, Frottage, Coming Out, Oblivious, Drinking, Drunken Shenanigans, Feelings Realization, Secret Relationship, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Herbology, Herbology Class (Harry Potter), Plants, working together, Veritaserum, Cuddling & Snuggling, Spooning, Pajamas & Sleepwear, Tea, Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Awkwardness, Minor Harry Potter/Lisa Turpin, H/D Erised 2018, Community: hd_erised, Bisexual Harry Potter, Bisexual Draco Malfoy, Mental Health Issues, supportive friends, wanking, Harry in a towel, Minor slut-shaming?, Feel free to podfic this, Fanart also welcome, remix to your heart's content, tell me about typos you find as well, Gay Mentor Charlie Weasley Summary:  Hermione and Ron are going back to Hogwarts to do N.E.W.T.s, Ginny isn't. Harry hasn't decided, until he has, in front of the Wizengamot and now he's responsible for Malfoy as well. A tale of enemies who learn to get along, get it wrong and get it on. Everything is purple, some things are on fire and no-one is sleeping properly. But don't worry, there's tea! ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Read All About It by Samunderthelights Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  3247 Tags: Drarropoly: Founders Edition - A Drarry Game/Fest, Epistolary, The Owlery (Harry Potter), Secret Relationship, Drarry, Letters, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Boys In Love, Self-Acceptance Summary:  The story of a budding romance between two young men, told through letters found in the Hogwarts Owlery. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Adventures of a Suicidal Gentleman by GallaPlacidia Rated:  Not Rated Words:  47794 Tags: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Grief/Mourning, Suicidal Thoughts, suicidal Draco but he's fun about it, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Draco and his new best friend Misty the house elf, Draco is trying to keep his shit together, Pining Harry, Down and Out Draco Malfoy, It's less harrowing than it initially appears, Veritaserum Summary:  Draco wants to kill himself, but he's trying not to be dramatic about it. Harry wants to sleep with Draco, but he's trying not to be obvious about it. Misunderstandings! Pining! Grief! Self-loathing but in a kind of charming way? Feat. Misty the house elf who takes shit from no one, an Astoria who has her own mysterious aims, a Draco who is determined to use humour to get through things, and a Harry doesn't know what he wants, except maybe to touch Draco's pretty face. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Sincere Gratitude from the (Heart) Mouth by _Melodic_ (Sae) Rated:  Mature Words:  1049 Tags: Blow Jobs, Semi-Public Sex, Public Blow Jobs, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, Smut, Fluff and Smut, Gratuitous Smut, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Porn with Feelings, Redemption, Oral Sex, Getting Together, First Time, POV Harry Potter, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Post-War, Hogwarts Express, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Hogwarts Era, Confessions, Romantic Fluff, Humor, Fluff and Humor, Fluff, Fluffy Ending Summary:  Harry Potter knew, of course, that everyone was grateful to him for defeating Voldemort and basically saving the world, but he didn’t quite expect the way some of those would go about expressing their gratitude. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Black Me Out by JBankai89 Rated:  Mature Words:  43928 Tags: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Trans!Harry, FTM Harry, Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mild OoC, Transphobia, Hate Crime, ron & seamus bashing, EWE, PostWar, Hogwarts Eighth Year, References to Mpreg Summary:  Since his first day at Hogwarts, Harry has had a secret. Not even his best friends knew, and returning after the war for his seventh year, Harry is looking forward to a nice, quiet, Voldemort-free year. What he hadn't expected was Ron and Seamus discovering his secret and reacting violently to the news, nor did he expect his old school rival suddenly showing romantic interest in him. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Try to Change by meshtams Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  1567 Tags: Hogwarts Forbidden Forest, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Boys In Love, Love Confessions, Getting Together, Fluff, Musician Draco Malfoy, Song fic??, Gay Draco Malfoy, Bisexual Harry Potter, Tattooed Draco Malfoy, POC Harry Potter, try to change by mother mother Summary:  Harry hears music coming from the forbidden forest, and naturally has to investigate. ❤️ Read on AO3

[thewhizzyhead]

you very much Should Keep going (if you’d like) I’m reading your tags like 👀👀👀 I wanna know More!!!

dude believe me i only just thought up 90% 9f this while doing my math homework last night so yea this is very barebones and this is very very new have very little to offer but um imma try to explain a bit more fjdjdc SO ANYWAYS GRADE 11

Warning: this is very long and I am very sorry aaAAAA also i only just thought of this last night and a while ago while attending class so um yea it's chaotic.

the songs i've mentioned so far in the tag ramble aren't um consecutive so yeah there are a lot of blank spaces in between fjsjsj and yea I haven't figured out the other leads and their arcs yet (probably 5-6 leads). for now um the planned songs feature 3 of the leads:

Kate - basically answers the question of What If Eva Sanchez Was The Protagonist and What If Eva Sanchez Saw The Hell That Is Don't Even (in this show, this song is called "Anakpota?" or "The Fuck?"); she's a transferee and is having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the new school environment; her reasons for transferring run a bit deeper than just "humanities is a lot more interesting than stem or business shits"; i guess her main character themes are burnout, the want for childlike wonder again and overcoming the fear that comes with chasing what you really want and no i am definitely not self projecting what are you guys talking about smh rhhdhs /hj (altho i admit that this is loosely based on my own experience with deciding to transfer schools) and yea she's a very closeted lesbian that slowly starts to comes out to others and to herself more throughout the course of the show. and also she gets a girlfriend YAY

Noel - rn i don't have that much planned out for him cause u know barebones plot but so far um i guess he's the chill dude, overall good guy, rantaro amami from danganronpa v3 vibes, and he's initially framed as the "love interest" for Kate esp in the song "Ikaw Ba Ay..." or "Are You..." (i wanted that to be a play on the typical Filipino Teen Hetero Romance CAUSE THAT SHIT IS IN EVERYWHERE JFJSJD I AM GONNA MAKE A WHOLEASS RANT ON THAT SOON AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME) but surprise motherfucker BOTH OF THEM ARE GAY AND BOTH BOND OVER IT AND BECOME BEST FRIENDS YAY WOOOO i kinda want him to be like the typical "Filipino Teen Heartthrob" star student with the twist being that he's gay and not make that a throwaway joke cause um yea that's a throwaway joke here that someone who is real catch for the heteros but is actually gay is "sayang" or "worthless" here.

Ella - ngl she is probably gonna end up as the main lead here fjdjd i'd say she has riley+chess vibes aka The School's Hotshot Achiever and Student Leader That Is Very Intimidating But Is Actually Really Freaking Kind and i guess with a dash of Kate Dalton-ish snark. Like i said the plot is barebones rn so i dunno anything but i do imagine them being the one that drives the plot forward due to her outspokenness. I also imagine her to be the one (along with Noel) that makes Kate a lil bit more comfortable with her sexuality and yup you guessed it Ella is gay too (bi to be specific oh and she uses she/they pronouns) and altho still a bit closeted, they're a bit more comfy with it. also they become Kate's gf yay!

those are the leads that i have kinda planned out so far but yea i still gotta expound kna lot of atuff and make up more leads for this but then again i just started conceptualizing this last night so ANYWAYS HERE ARE THE OTHERS SONGS THAT I LITERALLY JUST THOUGHT UP LAST NIGHT (aside from the ones already mentioned)

+ "Nakakapanibago" or "Well This Is New" - Ella and Kate work together on a school project aaand gay panic ensues. both of them take turns in addressing the audience and panicking over each other in um er an "Oh My God She's Very Fucking Cute What The Fuck" way. it kinda has What Is This Feeling from Wicked vibes if you remove the aggression and antagonization jdjsd and i kinda emphasize on how overwhelmed they are cause for Kate, everything - from the school to the subjects to the people - is new and her attraction to Ella is like a cherry bomb on top of a chaos cake while for Ella, who has studied in the school since kindergarten which is why nothing about the school fazes her anymore, Kate is a literal breath of fresh air and the spontaneity scares them and excites them at the same time. The number is comedic (and is chance for me to add a shit ton of wordplay cause yAY WORDPLAY) but i guess also hints at their fears which will definitely come into play later.

+ "Mabuting Laban" or "Good Fight" - a group number led by Ella, this is the first song in the musical that isn't mostly comedic. like um the musical so far (before this song) is mostly somewhat of a parody-just-for-laughs-don't-take-this-seriously piece but with this, the show finally hints to something a lot more serious and insightful. so basically ella tells kate (this scene comes right after the Nakakapanibago sequence) that they have noticed that the latter is um very very shocked at the blatant show of LGBTQ+ stuff. Kate mentions that altho many students have since then spoke up for LGBTQ+ acceptance, things were a lot more conservative back in her former school (once again wooo definitely not self projection /hj) so like seeing all this is very new to her. Ella then mentions that things weren't always like that - a lot of fighting had to be done in order to get to that point. and because most of the students already were branded with a rebellious reputation (for a lot of delinquent behavior), they really didn't give a fuck anymore if they were being controversial or not. What mattered was that they would make the school environment a lot more welcoming for themselves and for others. That sentiment is also shared by other leads singing along as they go out of their way to ensure a much better environment for everyone (in terms of lgbtq+ rights, undoing the stigmatization of mental health matters, student activism yadda yadda)

(oh and also this kinda serves as something that bridges the prejudices between the two schools since Ella's school is famous for a lot of student delinquency while Kate's former school is famous for being known as the "Best School In The Region With The Best Students" (which is why Ella understands why the students in Kate's school are a bit more hesitant to speak up because Kate's former schoolmates got way too much to lose) and the rivalry those schools have with each other cause students from ella's school think those from kate's school are pompous little shits while those from kate's school think that ella's schoolmates are delinquents and yes this is commentary on the dynamic my former school'scstudents and my current school's students share) (i should probably give this its own song)

+ "Ayoko" or " I Don't Want It" - (this does not come right after Mabuting Laban fjsjd i honestly dunno where to put this) this comes right after a conversation regarding her reputation in her former school and yea this is Kate poking fun at the "I Want" song musical trope. Like um she addresses the audience saying something along the lines of "oooohh wow complicated backstory exposition! you are probably expecting a song rn ala "How Far I'll Go" from Moana but guess what bitches fuck you all cause i'm gonna sing a song about the things I don't want just to fucking annoy you." it starts off as incredibly satirical and um Kate Dalton-vibes all throughout the scene with lots of pettiness which will then gradually transition to her singing about how she threw all the opportunities presented to her by the former school just because she really didn't want to do them and was tired of saying "yes" just to be enough for them. She then starts singing about her taking control of her own narrative by finally leaving the school. She still laments about those lost opportunities and admits that she still kinda wants to pursue those, but if she has to sacrifice rest for greatness, then she doesn't want it. The song ends with a verse akin to most I Want songs as she finally admits what she really wants the most: rest and wonder.

also here's a verse i made up just a while ago

Diyos ko, sabihin mo, ano pa ang kailangan kong gawin/upang mabawi ang mga ninakaw sa akin/upang maibalik ang pag-asang nawala/upang sa wakas ako'y makakapagpahinga/sapagkat hindi na ako nagnanais ng kadakilaan/ang hinihingi ko lamang ay ang aking kabataan

translation (i'll try my best to make it rhyme): My God, tell me, what else do i have to do/so I can take back all that they have taken from me/so that I can bring back the hope I've long so been deprived of/so that for once in my life, I'll be able to breathe/ cause I no longer want all the greatness that you say I could've had/ I only want to wonder, I only want my childhood back

+ "Halos Lagi Nalang"or "Almost Always The Same" - if this sounds familiar yes i rambled about this before gjdjdjd I started conceptualizing this song even before i even started conceptualizing the musical. So yea this is in Act 2 the song starts with mentioning the exhaustion that comes with being an LGBTQ+ teen in the philippines cause yup same old conservative religious bullshit same old same old shit and despite many a lot of people advocating for LGBTQ+ rights, nothing ever changes around here because well conservative religious bullshit. so yea this is kind of an extension of "Good Fight" but make it more about the burnout felt by a lot of teens that want something better than whatever we have right now. Then it will also apply to the other causes that the leads fight for (activism,destigmatization of mental health stuffs, etc). I'd say it's a combination of Before the Breakdown + Move On musically speaking (yea PMA has influenced me by a LOT). eventually this becomes one of the star numbers fo the show cause yea all the leads will do a shit ton of singing and harmonizing (but for here i'd say Noel and Kate have a tiny bit more of the spotlight since for now they are the ones with the very LGBTQ+ based plotlines). I really REEAAALLY want this song to work aaaa i've been playing around with the melody a lot recently and if i can't write the whole musical, then i'll be content with at the very least writing this song

+ "Try Lang Natin" or "Let's Try It Out" - this is a very barebones sequence atm but basically it's a scene where both Kate and Ella come to terms with their fears related to uncertainty and go "fuck it we don't know jackshit about the future anyway so why not ondulge a bit and ejoy what we have today" and decide to start going out with each other YAYYYYY and also this is like one of the few scenes here were Ella is much more visibly nervous compared to everyone else in the scene so yay for helping each other come to terms with their own vulnerabilities WOOOOO (also paige i remember you saying once that kate and eva could've had a Forever reprise duet right? And correct me if i'm wrong but i think u said it could be about eva assuring kate that she won't go anywhere? WELP I'M STEALING THAT JFJSJJDF /lh /hj AND YUP KATE AND ELLA ARE BASICALLY UM KINDA KATEVA IF YOU SQUINT SO THANK YOU PAIGE FOR THAT IDEAAAA)

AND THAT'S IT SO FAR WOO THIS TOOK ME 5 HOURS TO TYPE IT ALL OUT FJDJSJFF i'm kinda impressed with this ngl considering that i literally started making this up last night and i hope that i can make something out of it woo

And if you guys somehow reached the end of the post and have read every single thing, I'm sending you a lot of hugs and a lot of milkshakes

[hottestthingalive]

fake fic title: if roses could talk (maybe with prinxiety if you wanna do that...)

You got it, anon! And I associate roses with roman anyways, so prinxiety is perfect!

-Fantasy au!!!!!

-I like the idea of a gardener and prince romance, but Virgil as the prince? Roman as the gardener? In the palace? h e c k  y e a h

-The palace gardens might as well be the stuff of legend, they are so famed. Roman’s one of many who work in them, but his passion project is the roses, bushes found in a secluded corner surrounded by trees. Roman personally thinks it’s the most beautiful part of the whole estate, but the past workers have allowed this section to fall into disrepair, as the wild roses seem almost uncontrollable, planted by the former ruler and tended to by them before their death. 

-This is also Virgil’s favorite part of the gardens, as he misses his ren very much, and now that his father is ruling, neither of them have much time to mourn together. 

-So cue Prince Virgil, sneaking away from his duties to visit his ren’s old garden, and running into Roman, who’s been tending to the roses in his off hours and Did Not Expect Crown Prince Virgil To Be Here Oh Fu-

-Roman panics. Virgil also panics but sees what Roman’s been doing and is like “oh. thank you.”

-They talk about the garden, do a little bit of caring for the roses together, it’s fun and sweet and cute and they’re friends after that. 

-5 + 1 au: the five times they ran to the roses and the one time they walked? hell yeah

-takes place over a couple years maybe?

-Next time, though, Roman runs to the roses. He’s sneaking away from his duties, but he’s also angry and tired and he misses home and his brother and he’s generally just needs a break. 

-Virgil’s already sitting in the garden, reading, chilling, hoping to see the cute gardener boy again, when Roman stumbles in looking distressed and sad and Virgil’s poor gay heart is ready to go fight god to make his friend happy. 

-He doesn’t fight god but they do have a heart to heart. 

-next time it’s the two of them running in together, laughing, having just stolen far too many cookies from the kitchens. They don’t necessarily have to steal (Janus, who works there and practically helped raise Virgil, what with his parent dead and his father so busy, would sneak the prince the cookies anyways) but Janus makes a show of shaking his fist at them, and besides, the cookies stolen taste better anyways. 

-Lots of blushing and little romantic crushy things in this bit too 

-The next time, Roman runs into the garden. It is night, and Virgil has just disappeared from a ball. He is already waiting there. 

-“They’re going to come looking for you,” Roman says, but it’s hard to concentrate when the prince looks so handsome in the moonlight. “If your father thinks I tried to kidnap you, I’m going to come back from the dead after my execution and haunt you for the rest of your life.” 

- “Ugh, then I’d have to put up with you for an eternity,” Virgil groans, but he doesn’t seem angry, or disappointed. 

-“Would that really be so bad?” asks Roman, stepping closer. 

-“You know, I think it would be rather nice,” Virgil smiles, and takes both of his hands in his. “I’m going to teach you how to dance.”

-“What?”

-Roman is rather bad, at first, but he’s graceful, and he picks it up quickly. Soon, they are swaying in the moonlight, twirling to a song playing faintly in the distance, smiling and laughing (and maybe stealing a few kisses, but who can be sure?)

-The last time Virgil runs to the roses, it is with the smell of metal and smoke in the air. He has a sword in his hands, and his face is smeared with blood. 

-Roman stumbles into the clearing moments later, and Virgil pulls him into a hug, clinging to him like a mast on a drowning ship. 

-“You were supposed to leave with everyone else,” Virgil whispers, their foreheads pressed together, the sound of yelling and screams and bloodshed far away, but getting closer. “I don’t want you or anyone else innocent die for my family’s war.”

-“I couldn’t abandon you,” Roman replies, and as they sway, holding each other, each on the brink of tears, it calls to mind a moment months ago, of moonlight and faint music through the trees. 

-“You have to go,” Virgil shakes his head, pulling away.

“I won’t leave you!” the gardener tells his prince, but even then Roman knows it is not a choice he can make. He has always seen Virgil in flight, the kind prince who loves roses and snarks as often as he breathes and flirts even as he blushes. 

-The prince holding this sword, a firey determination in his eyes, a voice screaming “Protect protect protect” in his ear... this is not the Virgil Roman knows. And he does not love him any less for it, though he knows it is this Virgil which will divide them.

-They say goodbye among the roses, and as Roman leaves to find his family, to find his friends, to become a warrior in his own right, (though he does not know this, yet) Virgil turns, and lifts his sword. 

-When they return to the garden, hand in hand, slow and peaceful and walking instead of running, they are older. Not by much, a few years at most, but a scar runs across Virgil’s eye and cheek, and one of Roman’s arms is wrapped in bandages, a finger or two missing and his once-long hair cut back. They are happy, though, the smiles they give each other all the proof needed of that. 

-“They survived,” Virgil says when they see the roses, voice soft. 

-“The stories these flowers could tell,” Roman grins, and his prince laughs at that. 

-One day, they will be married in this garden, the prince and the gardener, warriors each, crowns of roses atop their heads as they pledge to love each other forevermore. 

-One day, there will be children here, pricking themselves on thorns and plucking petals and playing in the clearing.

-One day, one day, one day.

-For all their lives, Virgil and Roman will find each other by and from and with the roses. And though the flowers never tell their secrets, there will be other stories here, so many tales the roses could tell if only they could talk. 

oh, I loved writing that! I might have to write a full oneshot of this, though I make no promises... Thank you for the suggestion, anon!!

Send me a fake fic title and I’ll tell you what I’d write for it!

[daybreak96]

Episode 9 ficlet

I know this is shit and it’s completely un-betaed, but Tarlos has really inspired me, so ...

Carlos gets a text from TK, thats just “SOS” so he races over to the Strand house in the middle of his shift, thinking he’s using again or he’s popped his stitches or something else terrible has happened. Then when he bursts in, with the spare key Owen gave him for TK-related-emergencies, he’s left confused and more than a little pissed off to find TK and Owen on the couch wearing face masks and watching Golden Girls.

“What took you so long!” TK hissed at him, as Owen just looks confused between them.

“What ... what’s the big emergency?!” he gasps out trying to calm his racing heart.

“Emergency? What emergency? TK does your chest hurt?” Owen suddenly panics getting very confused.

“No, I’m fine.” TK quickly shushes his dad.

“Fine! TK I just used my sirens to get over here, what the hell!” Carlos shouts out, exacerbated with his not-quite-boyfriend.

“Can I talk to you in the other room for a second.” TK grits out, somehow having the nerve to glare at Carlos, after removing the face mask. He quickly gets up and drags Carlos into the kitchen with his good arm. Once he made sure they were far enough away from his dad he continued in a whisper-shout, “Look you gotta get me outta here, my Dad’s driving me crazy! He want us to get manicures together! Manicures Carlos! I’m the gay one and Ive never in my life wanted a manicure!!”

“I’m in the middle of a shift TK, you knew that!” Carlos struggles to keep his voice down, internally seething at the panic TK just put him through for nothing, “And you don’t get to send me an SOS for face masks and manicures! After all, you’re a big boy remember.” he bites out, referencing TK’s annoying remark every time Carlos tried to help him sit up or feed himself in the hospital.

TK just rolls his eyes at him and huffs out like a child, “Please, can’t you cut out early or something?” he whines.

“I’m in the middle of my shift.” Carlos states bluntly, hands coming to rest on his belt now that he’s finally relaxed again.

“Well then, take your lunch break with me.” TK suggests, reaching out to take his hand from off the belt, casually lacing their fingers together.

Carlos just hangs his head and lets out a heaving sigh, his other hand coming up to the radio, “Dispatch, can you register me ‘on break’?” he says calmly, a giant smile taking over TK’s whole face, “Half an hour!” he states forcefully, a finger pointing at TK.

TK just smirks and gives him a mock salute, turning and pulling them both to the door, his good arm going around Carlos’ waist pulling him flush into his side.

“Hey Papa Strand, you’re face looks great by the way.” Carlos says when he sees Owen still on the couch, face mask now removed.

“Hey thanks! You know, I’ve got a spare one of these if you’re interested?” Owen gestures to the box on the coffee table.

“Nope, he’s good” TK blurts out, “Actually Dad we’re heading out for lunch.” TK says nonchalantly, pulling his shoes on.

“Oh?” Owen asks, faux-shock in his voice as he watches them.

“Yeah, there’s this great Barbacoa place down the street, dyou wanna join us?” Carlos offers on instinct.

“Nope he’s good.” TK quickly butts in, grabbing his keys and going for the door before Owen can reply.

Thankfully Owen just chuckles at his sons antics, “Yea, I’m good, you two have fun now.”

“Will do, bye” TK rushes, opening the door and pulling on Carlos hand, as if he was gonna somehow over power him.

“Are you sure, they have Vegan options now?” Carlos asked again, ignoring TK’s tugging.

“Really! Well in that case-” Owen exclaims, finally get up off the couch and sauntering over to them.

“What are you doing?!” TK exclaims, glaring at Carlos openly now.

“It’s called being polite Tyler, perhaps you’ve heard of it.” he snarks back not even looking back at him as he and Owen share a teasing look.

“No, it’s called getting your own back and its not nice!” TK whined out, practically stomping his foot.

Owen just chuckled again at their antics, “Bring me back some takeaway, is what I was going to say.” he snarks, casually pulling a $50 from his wallet and handing it over to Carlos with a wink.

“Oh, wow, this is way too much.” he says as he goes to hand it straight back.

“Nah, consider it payment for having to deal with this nuisance.” he jokes, gesturing to TK.

Carlos glances between a glaring TK and a smug Owen before settling on Owen, “I’m not sure if this’ll cover it.” he jokingly holds out his hand for more.

“Alright, that’s enough! We’re on the clock remember.” TK cries out, grabbing Carlos under the armpit this time, finally dragging him out the house to the sound of Owen’s belly laugh.

[nightashes]

A Kitten For Two

A/N: A gift for the fantastic @animelover101997

Summary: Prinxiety adopt a kitten. 

AO3 - writing masterlist

***

“Are you ready?”

“Definitely not.”

“We don’t have to do this right now. We can wait.”

“No. I want this. I… I just don’t know how to pick.” Virgil laments, gazing at the cages of kittens meowing for love and attention. A calico to his right stretches its paw out through the cage bars, reaching towards the pair. Virgil swears he can feel his heart melting. “They’re adorable.” He continues flatly, trying to shove the warm fluffy emotions away that were urging him to coo and babble. “I want them all.”

‘Virgil.” Roman warns. “We agreed on just one.”

One. How could Virgil just pick one? He audibly groans in frustration, yanking his hoodie closed, tightening the strings to disappear from the cruel world that demanded he only pick one. “Noooooo….”

Roman chuckles, the melodic sound bringing heat to Virgil cheeks.  Crap.  The world truly was cruel. Cruel and wonderful and perfect, and with stupidly perfect hair and a ridiculously perfect voice that practically rivaled the kittens in cuteness.

“All right then, I’ll pick.” Roman continued, completely oblivious to his partner’s gay panic. “Well, why don’t we take a look at this one?” he gestures to the calico, who has somehow managed to sink her claws into Virgil’s sweater, which Virgil was only just now realizing. Gosh. That kitten really is cute.  The cat's emerald eyes locked onto Virgil’s swinging hoodie strings. Her pupils mere slits as she gazes towards her prey. Her paw pulling at his sweater as if to draw him closer. 

“Obviously, she has good taste.” Roman speaks softly, his eyes trying to catch Virgil’s blushing face through the hoodie barrier. 

“You think so?” Virgil mumbles around the thick cloth. 

Roman encircles his arms around him. Resting his chin on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Truer words were never spoken, my dark and stormy knight.” He whispers soothingly, his warm breath tickling Virgil’s face. 

Alright, enough of this mushiness. Someone could walk in and, well, Virgil had a reputation to maintain, dangit. He wiggles around, attempting to shrug Roman’s gooeyness away. “We get it, Princey. You’re a sap.” His gruff voice thankfully does not break. Mission accomplished.

“I’m your sap.” Roman purrs, pulling him back into the embrace. Mission failed. Repeat. mission failed. Error noises sound in his head, warning him of just how head-over-heels he had fallen. Guess it was time to change tactics.

Throwing back his hood. Virgil tosses his hair loose, he half-turns his head in order to face his utterly insufferable boyfriend. Roman watches as he leans in, their lips mere inches away from each other. And then… Virgil loudly snarks. “You best believe it, Romano. Dating me was the best thing to ever happen to you.” 

Roman doesn’t even blink, the corners of his mouth merely quirk up. “Oh, I believe it. And I‘m never letting you go.. .And apparently neither is this cat“ Roman chuckles. Bringing their attention back as together they watch the calico attempt to shake its paw loose from Virgil’s jacket.

His heart skips a beat at the sight of her struggle. Reaching down, his hand deadly still, he grasps the white paw gently and with the utmost care. His thoughts stopping as he focuses on slowly lifting the little toes beans up and away. Finally free the kitten yanks her fluffy paw back and loudly meows up at him. Her cries resonate through the room, joining the cacophony of sound formed from her brethren. 

Virgil and Roman smile softly down at her. 

“It says her name is Cali.” Roman reads from the sheet pinned to the bars. “A calico named Cali? Not the most original but it could be fun to rename her. She’s only ten months old and she loves to play with her stuffed mouse. What do you think? Is this the newest member to our little famILY.”

Virgil hums in contemplation. The kitten watches him. Her vibrant green eyes peering into his soul and he knows he is trapped. Her tongue bleps as she sits there in anticipation. Virgil admits he is utterly powerless. He didn’t choose this cat, she chose them.

“I think she’s more of a Venus.”

Roman raises an eyebrow. “Venus? How’s that?“

“Look on her side. There’s a heart.”

“Virgil. Are you saying she’s a goddess of love?” Roman prods. His eyebrows wiggling mischievously. 

Virgil purses his lips, watching the way her tongue refuses to unblep. “She’s stolen my heart, Ro. I can’t go back.”

“Have I been replaced?”

“Definitely. Now go get an employee. I need to hold her close. She must be protected at all costs.”

“Whatever you say, my love.”

After an hour, several adoption papers, $200, and a car ride home the trio find themselves back at their apartment. Virgil is bustling around, double and triple checking that everything is still kitten proofed. 

“Everything is fiiiiiine, Virgil. Now can we please let her out. I want to show Venus her new home.”

Virgil is crouched on the ground, peering beneath the couch for anything that might dare to harm his precious little kitten. Eyeing the dark crevices suspiciously he grunts in acceptance. 

“Alright. Everything’s good.”

“Thaaaank you!” Roman sighs heavily. He places the pet carrier on the ground, opening the door as he lightly coos. “Come on out, little Venus. Come see your new home.”

Virgil shuffles on his feat, watching her poke her little pink nose out. She gazes around the quaint living room. 

Roman pulls out her little toy mouse and tosses it over to Virgil. “Try to coax her out.”

“What? NOo.” Virgil promptly panics. Yeeting the tiny toy onto the couch. 

Venus launches herself after it, struggling to climb up onto the couch. 

“Awww.” Roman sighs. Virgil in the meantime flits to her side. Picking her up and softly placing her up on the couch. 

“Heh” Roman throws his arm around his boyfriend. “She’ll be okay, Vee. It’s okay to let her run or climb on her own.” 

“She’s so small.”

“I know.” Roman grabs his hand firmly. Pulling Virgil over to the couch. “Now come here. We can watch a movie together. All three of us.”

Virgil allows himself to be maneuvered onto the couch. Making sure to give little Venus plenty of room to chew on her mouse. She holds it in her mouth rolling over onto her back and kicking at it with her back paws. He smirks at her antics. She was his and he was hers.

The TV sounds fill the room as Roman flips through the channel with the remote. His arm wrapping subconsciously around Virgil. And Virgil can’t help but feel his heart fill with warmth and love. How he managed to get so lucky, he may never know. What he did know is that half-way through the film he found himself with a sleeping Roman on one side and in his lap, curled tightly into a little ball, was the newest addition to their little famILY. 

taglist: @stop-it-anxiety @rainboots-are-for-snobs

[trensu]

Episode 13: The One where WWX’s Gaydar is Completely Nonexistent

YOU GUYS, THIS EPISODE, THIS EPISODE YOU GUYS

IT’S THE ONE WITH THAT CAVE SCENE

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

But in case you don’t know, I’M GONNA TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT

So we start off with wwx offering to carry lwj

Lwj, being the Repressed Gay that he is, flatly refuses: “how boring”

Pretty sure the thought of wwx touching him gives him vapors

Also? LWJ, You gotta come up with some new stuff; this line’s getting old

And wwx is completely immune to it by now

Wwx: *internally* such a stubborn fool!

He’s annoyed that lwj isn’t letting him help him in any way

And, like, i get that

I understand, wwx

But, WHO ARE YOU TO TALK?? MR. I’M GONNA SACRIFICE MYSELF FOR OTHERS AT ANY GIVEN OPPORTUNITY

Okay, moving along now

WE GET A PAPERMAN!! A CUTE LITTLE YELLOW PAPERMAN!! SAY HI TO THE PAPERMAN, EVERYONE, LOOK HOW ADORABLE HE IS!!

And ~Their Song~ starts playing as soon as we see the paperman appear

Wwx sends it floating over to wen qing

Paperman!wwx: plz find a way for lwj to get some rest

Actual!wwx: *hovers at lwj’s shoulder TOTALLY READY TO CATCH HIM IF HE FALLS*

WQ pulls through like a BOSS and everybody takes a break from walking near a river

Poor lwj looks so tuckered out here as he sits down on a rock

Wwx: i’ll go get you some water lan zhan! *runs off to get water*

Omg wwx, you are not subtle

LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU LAN ZHAN

LET ME LOVE YOU LAN ZHAN

LET ME TENDERLY TREAT YOUR WOUNDS LAN ZHAN

LET ME INSPIRE SOME KINKY NURSE FANTASIES LAN ZHAN

How do you not realize what you’re doing wwx. How.

Ewww, now wc is talking, double ewww, he’s talking Plot Things

Gross, now his gf JiaoJiao is talking and is annoying and unfortunately necessary for a future wangxian moment so we have to acknowledge her existence

I know it hurts guys, but i promise you it’s worth it

She’s all “alright losers, go find us that cave with the cave monster thing”

Wwx releases a talisman (no Dramatic Twirl tho) which then locates the cave

Right, the cave.

The very important cave

The cave that will give us lots of quality wangxiantics

That cave.

And now we’re in the cave!! The best cave!! I mean, it’s way bigger and way scarier than the other cave, but still! (Dancing Fairy Cave, who??)

Plot stuff happens, wc is being an asshole, nothing new or exciting here

Then we see everyone find a cliff within the cave!

Wwx: wow, that looks like a bottomless pit

Wc: let’s see if that’s true! *yeets wwx off the cliff* (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WEN CHAO)

Lwj: Wei Ying!! 

he not-quite shouts this, it’s more of a startled yelp than anything

Be grateful bc when he starts yelling his name for realsies in this show IT’S NOT GONNA BE FUN

ALSO if wc was not at the top of lwj’s shit list before, he’s definitely there now

So now that wwx confirmed that the pit is NOT bottomless, the hostages i mean visiting disciples throw down some rope and start to climb down

Uh, why didn’t they use that BEFORE chucking wwx down like a bag of trash?? Oh right bc wc is an asshole

Once they reach the bottom, lwj ALL BUT RUNS to wwx’s side

AND HELPS HIM UP!! HE GRABS HIM BY THE ARM AND HELPS HIM UP

BC HE LOVES HIM

I’m gonna give JZX a moment here bc this episode is chock full of wangxiantics and jzx was in snark-master mode

Wwx: well, i know why LWJ and JC came down to check that i wasn’t eaten by a monster, but why are you here, jzx?

Jzx: i’d rather fight an unknown monster whilst weaponless than listen to wc and jj talk for another minute

SAME, JZX, SAME

Lol, everyone is like yeah, that makes sense

More stuff happens and eventually wc and his flunkies catch up with everyone else at the bottom of the cliff and want to lure the monster out

Wc: lets bleed some of this cannon fodder as bait bc i’m an asshole

Jj: i pick mianmian

STAY AWAY FROM MIANMIAN, YOU HORRID PERSON, HOW DARE YOU

And of course everyone loves mianmian so they jump to her defense 

Now there’s a showdown between the wens and the hostages, i mean visiting disciples

LWJ IS SUCH A BADASS HERE, GUYS

HE’S TAKING PPL DOWN LEFT AND RIGHT USING ONLY TORCH WHILST INJURED 

AND HE MAKES IT LOOK SO CASUAL. DUDE’S NOT EVEN BREAKING A SWEAT

HE FREAKING SNATCHES A SWORD OUT OF A WEN FLUNKIE’S HAND LIKE NBD

While he’s doing all that, wwx is completely humiliating wen chao by reciting some of the wen clan rules

WC: stop talking shit

Wwx: uh, i just quoted the wen clan rulebook sooooo you actually just insulted your ancestors

Wwx: what did the rulebook say was the punishment for insulting the ancestors…? Oh yeah, EXECUTION. Prepare to die!!

Wwx proceeds to take wc as a visiting disciple, i mean hostage on top of a giant rock in the middle of a pond inside the cave and we’re at a standstill

It probably could’ve gone on forever except 🐢🔪🐢🔪🐢 SURPRISE MURDER TURTLE!! 🐢🔪🐢🔪🐢

THAT’S NO ROCK

IT’S A MURDER TURTLE SHELL

LWJ, being the clever boy that he is, notices that the Murder Turtle has bad eyesight

Lwj: quiet, don’t move! It can’t see us *🎶jurassic park theme plays🎶*

Maybe i should call the Murder Turtle something else. It looks more like a loch ness monster tbh

A distant cousin perhaps?

Nessie: oh, that guy? We don’t really talk to that side of the family

Murder Turtle: *is murderous*

Nessie: yeah, he makes family dinners awkward…

Ahem, anyway

Wen chao is a coward and instead of staying quiet and still like lwj says, he starts screaming like the world’s ugliest baby for wen zhuliu to save him

Murder Turtle does not like this noise coming from it’s shell so wwx and wc end up leaping off of it and landing back on shore and all hell breaks loose

In all fairness to the Murder Turtle, I too hate listening to wc

Murder Turtle starts, you know, murdering. And the hostages i mean visiting disciples don’t have weapons and the wen flunkies are awful

Shit’s happening is what i’m saying

And while all this goes down, jj shows us that she is the MOST AWFUL DUMBEST PERSON ALIVE

THERE’S A GIANT KILLER REPTILE TRYING TO EAT EVERYONE

AND SHE’S MORE CONCERNED ABOUT GETTING BACK AT MIANMIAN FOR BEING BETTER THAN HER IN EVERY WAY???

PRIORITIES MUCH??

She has two of the wen flunkies hold mianmian in place and is about to stick a wen crest branding iron on her face (WTF, JJ)

But oh, WWX TO THE RESCUE!! He shoots an arrow in jj's arm and she ends up throwing the branding iron at mianmian but wwx dives in to stop it!

(and we’re just gonna ignore how terribly fake that dive looks, okay?)

Anyway he dives and blocks the branding iron but oh no, it somehow manages to hit him square in the chest with enough force to burn through his clothes and into his skin!!! 

(we’re not gonna question this, just roll with it)

And he drops the Medicine Bottle he hid away to use on lwj eventually

(we’re gonna also ignore the fact that it somehow fell out of where it was securely hidden in his robes even tho he was literally just thrown off a cliff and the Medicine Bottle manages to stay with him and not break at the time)

(look we’re ignoring a lot of things bc we've already determined that special effects are not a high priority in this show AND all this is gonna lead up to great wangxiantics and that makes all of it worthwhile)

Okay so all that happened and then the wens FLEE LIKE THE COWARDS THEY ARE and totally ditch their hostages i mean visiting disciples

Then the bastards not only run away, but cut the ropes leading up the cliff and THEN block off the cave entrance WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU WC

The hostages i mean visiting disciples start freaking out. Like oh no, we’re stuck in here forever, WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE

Wwx diffuses the panic by being like, hey CANNIBALISM LOL I’M ALREADY PARTIALLY COOKED. i am a snack FOR REAL LOLOLOL

After all this, AFTER ALL THIS PLOT-ISH NONSENSE I HAD TO EXPLAIN, we get a little bit of wangxiantics. As a treat.

Mianmian is crying her heart out and apologizing profusely bc she feels bad for getting everyone trapped in this cave EVEN THO IT’S NOT HER FAULT AT ALL PLZ DON’T CRY MIANMIAN ILU

Wwx obvs agrees with me and goes to comfort her. Which he does in a weird way

Wwx: mianmian, why are you crying? I was the one that got branded! It hurts so much mianmian, won’t you stop crying and say something nice to me to make me feel better??

BUT HE SAYS THIS SO CHARMINGLY??

HE EVEN PUTS ON THE MOST ADORABLE, FAKE-HURTING FACE

If jzx had tried this, he’d have sounded like a douchebag BUT WWX? WITH HIS SUNSHINE SMILE?? HOW COULD ANYONE RESIST THAT???

(apparently mianmian can, bc she keeps crying and doesn’t say anything nice to wwx)

HERE’S THE WANGXIAN BIT

Lwj takes one look at wwx & mianmian being all cozied up to each other and you know, spilling feelings everywhere and turns away in a snit

Lwj: *internally* what am i willing to put up with today? Not fucking this.

Jc: lwj, where are you going??

Lwj: to the pond bc it has a way out not bc i can’t stomach the sight of wwx flirting with mianmian

(if you hadn’t been so proud earlier, lwj, you could’ve had wwx carrying you lovingly in his strong arms i’m just saying)

And now we get another example here at how well lwj and wwx work together

So obvs wwx zooms to lwj’s side as soon as he realizes lwj’s going somehwere without him (again!!) and he’s all “there’s a way out??”

And all lwj says in response is “maple leaves”

That’s it. Two words.

BUT WWX INSTANTLY CATCHES ON

Wwx: oh, yeah, the leaves couldn't possibly come from the cave so there must be an opening in the pond where the leaves are floating in!

THEY’RE JUST SO IN TUNE WITH EACH OTHER??

HOW DID HE GET THAT FROM JUST TWO WORDS??

THEY’RE GENIUS SOULMATES, THAT’S HOW

Now everyone’s coming up with a plan to escape the cave and the Murder Turtle

Details don’t matter here

Skipping that

Nearly everyone escapes the Murder Turtle Cave!! Because of teamwork and the buddy system!! It’s very heartwarming and inspiring AND WE DON’T CARE BC IT’S NOT WANGXIAN

But oh no, at the last minute when lwj and wwx are oh so conveniently the only ones left in the cave, the Murder Turtle notices them!!

It tries to attack wwx!!

But lwj SWOOPS IN TO GRAB HIM AND THROW HIM BACK TO SAFETY WHILE HE FACES THE MURDER TURTLE

ON A STILL INJURED LEG

AND THEN HIS DRAMATIC TWIRL OF DODGING ISN’T DRAMATIC ENOUGH AND MURDER TURTLE DOES MORE DAMAGE TO LWJ’S LEG

Wwx notices right away and goes to grab lwj and pull him to safety now

It’s nice having partners willing to share duties like that

Like, oh, you washed the dishes yesterday? I’ll do them today!

Except, you know, at a more intense level what with the whole “barely escaping the jaws of death” thing they’ve got going on

But same thing basically

So now our wonderful injured boys are in a different part of the cave that the Murder Turtle can’t reach.

Wwx: lan zhan, it’s fine now! The Murder Turtle is asleep or smth

Then shoves the tattered robes around lwj’s leg out of the way to get a better look at the wound, and he’s got his worried expression on!! WHILE ~THEIR SONG~ PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND

Wwx: wait here!!

Lol, where do you think he’s gonna go wwx, it’s not like HIS LEG HAS BEEN MAULED AND THE ENTRYWAY IS GUARDED BY A MURDER TURTLE OR ANYTHING

Wwx comes back with a branch that he turns into a makeshift splint

HE’S TENDING HIS SOULMATE’S WOUND GUYS AHHHH

And now he steals lwj’s SACRED FOREHEAD RIBBON to tie the splint on properly

LOL LWJ’S FACE

HE IS AGHAST

Wwx: chill out about the ribbon, we have MORE PRESSING MATTERS, like how your LEG IS PROBS GONNA FALL OFF IF WE DON’T TREAT IT

Wwx: oh hey, Medicine Pouch! Wait where’s Medicine Bottle?? I saved it specifically for…*meaningful look at lwj* uh, never mind

what’s the matter, wwx?? why so shy suddenly???

are you embarrassed to show how much you think of lwj?? is that it?

OMG GUYS HERE WE GO

THE FIRST OF TWO OF THE BEST WANGXIANTICS SCENES OF THE SHOW!!

Wwx: *internally* gotta find a way to get lwj to spit out that bad blood he’s so obviously choking down

Wwx: the only possible way to accomplish this is by STRIPPING BOTH OF US OUT OF OUR CLOTHES

Wwx: hey lan zhan, take off your clothes!

Lwj: *GAY PANIC*

Lwj: you want me to what now??

Wwx: strip! Both of us! Since we’re all wet from the pond

Lwj as you might guess, does NOT start stripping in front of the Love of His Life

Wwx notices that lwj is not stripping even tho he himself has already divested his black outer robe and is clad in only his red inner robe

(AND I LOSE MY GODDAMN MIND OVER IT EVERY TIME, LOOK AT HIM WITH HIS TINY WAIST, THOSE ROBES ARE OBSCENELY FLATTERING)

Wwx reaches over and starts tugging at lwj’s robe

Lwj: WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

Wwx: BEING HELPFUL!! But i guess if you don’t want my help, i’ll finish getting myself naked

Lwj: *turns around and pukes out the bad blood from the sheer strength of his Gay Panic*

Wwx: haha! My plan worked! Now all the bad blood is out!

Lwj: oh. Right. That. 

Lwj: thanks

Wwx: noooo, don’t thank me! I can’t handle it when ppl thank me!!

After THAT PHENOMENAL STRIP TEASE, wwx goes back to tending lwj’s wounds

He applies stuff from the Medicine Pouch bc Medicine Bottle is gone forever now

He does this very carefully and is very focused on his task

BC HE LOVES HIM

I LOVE THEM

THERE’S A LOTTA LOVE HAPPENING IS WHAT I’M SAYING

Then lwj snatches a bit of the medicine and presses it into the burn on wwx’s chest

Wwx: owww, that huuurts

Lwj: you’re welcome

Lwj: *internally probably* omg i just touched wwx’s chest, be cool be cool bE COOL

Then they have this cute little exchange where wwx tells him how he got injured all the time bc he was a rambunctious tyke (no, surely not you, wwx! I’m shocked!) so he doesn’t need much medicine and lwj’s injury is more serious so he should get more medicine anyway

AND NOW WE GET TO THE OTHER BEST WANGXIANTIC

Lwj: if you know you’re gonna get hurt, don’t be so rash all the time

Wwx: it’s not like i got myself injured on purpose!!! 

Wwx: I had to protect mianmian! She’s so pretty 

(he says distractedly while staring at their campfire and COMPLETELY MISSES LWJ’S LONGING LOOK) 

Wwx: what if she’d gotten her face all scarred up?

Lwj: but now you’re scarred for life!

Wwx: that’s different!

(bc he has issues with self worth and ALWAYS RISKS HIS LIFE FOR OTHERS AT ANY GIVEN OPPORTUNITY)

Wwx: i’m a guy. Scars are cool for us!

(that too, I guess)

Wwx: besides, it’ll be a reminder of the time i saved a pretty girl who now will remember me always~!

GOD WWX YOU’RE SO DENSE

Lwj: *bitchy* oh, you’re sooo sure she’s gonna remember you, huh

Wwx gives him a wounded look, like, sincerely confused and hurt at lwj’s tone: “why are you mad?”

And, good god, lwj sees that expression and can’t keep looking at him. He has to turn away, like FUCK i’ve hurt his feelings, shit, i’m getting my feelings all over him

It’s actually kind of painful to watch, POOR LWJ

So he looks away and says: if you don’t mean it, you shouldn’t go around flirting with people

Wwx: *pouts* it’s not like i was flirting with you

THAT’S THE PROBLEM WWX

HE WANTS YOU TO FLIRT WITH  HIM AND MEAN IT, YOU COMPLETE MORON

Remember how i said wwx is dense? Here’s another example

Wwx: *teasing* ohh, you like mianmian~! 

Like, really teasing. It doesn’t sound like he believes what he’s saying either

Lwj gives him an incredulous look and we get some slo-mo here WHILE ~THEIR SONG~ PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND AND THEY GAZE SOULFULLY AT EACH OTHER FOR A SOLID 10 SECONDS 

Wwx’s face gets this befuddled look and after staring at each other for 10 continuous seconds he says much more seriously, “oh...you really do like mianmian?”

Why do you sound so disappointed wwx? WHY ARE YOU SO CONCERNED ABOUT IT, HUH?

And omg guys, i will NEVER get over the expression LWJ gives him after he says this

It’s an expression that says R U FUCKING SRS RN

HIS WHOLE FACE IS SCREAMING, “FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE”

AND I’M DYING BC WWX, YOU’RE TALKING TO AN ENTIRE GAY BOY WHO IS SO IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT

Then wwx laughs to diffuse the situation (it’s so cute, my heart bursts with rainbows)

And we’re winding down now

Lwj: why should i talk about these meaningless things with you here?

Wwx: you don’t have a choice pal, it’s just you and me stuck here in this cave

Wwx: hey, lan zhan, i think this is the longest conversation we’ve had!!

Omg why’s he keeping track of that? How did he even notice this??

THERE’S NO STRAIGHT EXPLANATION FOR THIS BEHAVIOR

WWX: even after all we’ve been thru, you still don’t talk much. You lan clan types--

*awkward silence*

Wwx realizes he’s stepped in it and taps his mouth as a reprimand for being insensitive

Then he changes the topic about how long they can survive without food/water and how long it will take for help to arrive

And here we have lwj verbally acknowledge what’s happened to him for the first time

He explains that they won’t get help from gusu

Lwj: the cloud recesses has been burned. Uncle is badly injured, brother is missing.

His tone is so matter-of-fact but HE ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO CRY!!

OH GOD MY HEART 💔💔💔

And then lwj is like, welp, that’s enough Emotions for the day! And falls asleep.

THEN WWX TUCKS HIM IN WITH HIS OUTER ROBE ALL GENTLE AND LOVINGLY

BC THEY’RE SOULMATES

And that's the end of the episode

SO MUCH QUALITY WANGXIANTICS GUYS

I LOVE THIS SHOW

EVERYTHING IS GREAT (I MEAN, EXCEPT FOR THE HEARTBREAKING PARTS)

LOOK AT THESE TWO SOULMATES IN LOVE, LOOK AT THEM

Return to Masterpost

[acanvasofabillionsuns]

these fools need to learn communication

for @figurative-siren-song‘s Thing!! credits to the fabulous @main-chive and @an-absolute-failure for betaing ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Summary: I think the title says it all tbh Warnings: alcohol mention, insecurity, catastrophizing, Virgil panics some + doesn’t have good self care habits, one (1) curse word, Remus is mentioned Wordcount: just a little under 6k

Additional note!! The section that begins with “Remy and Janus are cuddling on Remy’s bed...” is a repeat of the previous scene, but from another POV

Virgil is so tired. It feels like every day there’s some new crisis to deal with or important thing to discuss, and he just wants a couple days to himself to unwind a bit.

But since he can’t get that, he wants a few hours to gripe with someone over everything that’s been going down lately.

Roman is way too dramatic for his tastes, and Patton would probably be too nice about what’s happening. So he goes to Logan. (He briefly toys with the idea of going to one of the Others, but things are… tense with them, so he discards it quickly.)

“Yes?” Logan asks, opening the door to their room.

“I was wondering if you, uh, wanted to complain with me about all the stuff that’s been happening lately? There’s been a lot, and you’ve probably had to deal with more of it than me, and I thought you might like to commiserate? It’s chill if you don’t want to, though,” Virgil says, shifting awkwardly.

“You are welcome to join us.” Logan opens the door wider and steps to the side.

“Us?” Virgil echoes, confused, until he goes inside and sees Janus sitting in a beanbag chair, swirling a wine glass idly. “Oh.”

“Lovely to see you too, Virgil,” fae says dryly.

Virgil scrunches up his nose and wonders if getting to complain about all the recent shenanigans is worth spending time in faer company. Janus mimics the expression—is fae mocking him?—and holds up a bottle of wine, shaking it a little to show that it’s still mostly full. Virgil sighs, shrugs, and conjures a plain beanbag and wine glass, collapsing into the former and holding out the latter to Janus. Fae obligingly fills it, and Virgil leans back in his beanbag, sipping it as Logan sits down.

“So what’re we talking about?” Virgil asks.

“Y’know the other day when…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil squints at Remy.

“Not to be rude,” Logan begins, but Virgil cuts them off.

“What are you doing here?” He demands.

“Real welcoming, Virgil,” Janus remarks snidely.

“He’s intruding on our thing!”

“Yes, and it’s not like you intruded on our thing only a month ago and we were hospitable, right? You totally have the right to snap at Remy.”

“Shut up.”

“Y’all are gossiping, babes,” Remy says. “Why wouldn’t I be here?”

Virgil opens his mouth to protest automatically, then finds that that’s a fair point. Remy does love gossip. He shuts his mouth reluctantly.

“Welcome to the group, Remy,” Janus declares, overexaggerating faer words and smirking at Virgil. He makes a mocking face back but doesn’t comment, crossing his arms as Janus conjures up a beanbag chair for Remy. The little pest. Now everyone but Virgil has a beanbag chair rather than a plain beanbag; this was absolutely deliberate.

Virgil scowls at Janus and sinks further down into his beanbag, letting the conversation flow around him without paying attention to what’s being said. Whatever; at least his seat isn’t a specific shape and therefore can be squished into a different position or turned upside down and still be the same. See any of them try to do that with their chair-shaped beanbags, only good for one shape and if you wanted to shift positions you had to make do with what you had, instead of adjusting the beanbag.

“Virgil?” Logan asks.

“Wh—yeah?”

“Are you alright?”

Virgil pushes himself more upright and sits on his hands. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure, babes?” Remy tilts his head down to look over his sunglasses at him.

“Yeah.” Virgil forces a smile. “Just… need to readjust my beanbag.” He stands up and flips it over, squishing it in a few spaces until it’s like he wants. The other three watch him in silence, making the affair at least twice as awkward as it would’ve been if they’d ignored him. Virgil sits back down, face red. “What’re we talking about?”

“These two were telling me about something that happened with Roman yesterday?” Remy says.

“Oh my gosh,” Virgil groans. “Okay, what do you already know?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a crisis, Virgil is having a crisis, a dilemma, a predicament, an emergency; sound the alarms, clang the warning bell, and gather the troops, Virgil has a crush.

This shouldn’t be happening! Not allowed! He’s too emotionally unstable to handle it and will mostly likely make a fool out of himself. Which is also absolutely not allowed.

And! The crush is on Janus, which is yet another not allowed thing. Last Virgil checked, he was still just tolerating faer presence, not getting a crush on faer. That’s just plain rude of his brain, please take it back he doesn’t want it.

He looks up at his ceiling, since that’s as far back as Virgil can roll his eyes without being in pain. Okay, he’s staring his brain down, and he’ll stop having a crush in three, two, one—

He pauses, thinks of Janus, groans. That didn’t work. And to be honest he didn’t really expect it to, but it still? would’ve been nice? if his brain could work with him for once??

Virgil sighs and flops backwards.

Okay, if demanding his brain stop having a crush didn’t work, maybe he can just… avoid faer. Maybe it’s just infatuation or something—doesn’t infatuation happen right after you meet someone? His brain asks. Shut up, he tells it—and if he stays away for a few days it’ll go away. That’s probably it.

He glances over at his minifridge and small hoard of non-perishables and mentally calculates. He’s got enough for about a week, that should be plenty enough time.

Virgil waves his hand and his door locks. There. Now he can just. sit around and avoid thinking about Janus until this crush/infatuation/whatever-it-is goes away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is great, Remy is having a great time, get some bells to ring and a rooftop for him to shout off, because Remy has a crush.

To be accurate, he has three: on Janus, Virgil, and Logan. He isn’t exactly sure when they started, only that he just now realized he has them, but he’s definitely not complaining.

He’s also definitely not going to sit around and pine silently for them or something. If he’s going to get rejected, better to get it over with and work on healing than let himself think there might be a chance for however long. (And, yeah, it would definitely hurt, if one or all of them didn’t like him—hurt a lot—but he’s ignoring that part.) And the revelation is giving him an extra burst of confidence (and it’s not like he didn’t already have that in spades) so he’s going to shoot his shot as soon as possible.

His brain decides the most efficient way to confess to the three of them is to wander around the mindscape until he finds them, so he does that until he bumps into Logan.

“Logan,” Remy declares. “I’m gay.”

“Yes,” Logan says, pulling out their flashcards and flipping through a few of them before pulling one out and showing it to him. “‘We been knew’ that, Remy.”

“Nice,” Remy compliments, throwing an arm around their shoulders. “But you see, my dear nerd, I’m gay for you.” He pokes their chest for emphasis.

Logan turns bright red and alternates between wordlessly gaping and stammering so hard Remy can’t make out anything they’re trying to say. They extract themself from Remy’s arm and smooth out their tie, their blush toning down only slightly.

“I… will have to think on this,” Logan says finally, which Remy interprets as Logan for ‘too gay rn; need some time to calm down and consider my feelings’.

“Cool; take all the time you need,” Remy tells them, flashing them a peace sign. “I’m gonna go find Janus and Virgil, see you in a bit.” 

“Alright,” Logan says, and Remy takes that as his cue to wander off in search of his other two crushes.

The next one he runs into is Janus, who he immediately tells “I’m gay.”

“No,” fae snarks. “I thought you were straight.”

Remy gasps and scoffs offendedly (at the same time, because his need to be Dramatic™ at all times overrides any petty things like biology, especially when he’s been teased).

“Well, I was going to say I’m gay for you,” Remy tells faer, pressing a hand to his chest. “But if we’re on such a disconnect I’m just not sure anymore.”

“No, wait!” Janus says. “I’m gay for you too, darling, please.”

Remy immediately decides that any pet names for him are illegal; his face has no right blushing like that just because Janus called him ‘darling’. He covers his face, hoping that’ll hide the blush.

“Fine,” he mutters.

“What was that?” Janus smirks. “I couldn’t hear you through your hands, darling.” Fae gently takes his wrists and pulls his hands down. “There’s your gorgeous face.”

“Rude,” Remy huffs.

“But you’re gay for me anyway,” Janus purrs.

“I regret telling you that.”

“No you don’t.”

“No I don’t,” Remy sighs. “You wanna be boyfriends? Or partners or something, if you don’t want to use ‘boyfriends’?”

“I would love that,” Janus smiles.

“Great, me too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan knocks on Remy’s door.

“Come in!”

Logan walks in, sees Remy and Janus cuddling together, puts two and two together and gets four. Oh, they think, they’re dating.

Logan walks in, sees Remy and Janus cuddling together, and squares the twos instead of adding them. I took too long to answer, they assume. Remy must’ve gotten bored or didn’t want to wait and got with Janus instead.

“Oh,” they say. “My apologies. I’ll leave you two be.” They turn to leave.

“Wait, babes,” Remy says. Logan turns to see him stretching out a hand towards them. “What’d you need?”

“I did not need something, per se,” Logan mumbles. “However, I was going to accept Remy’s implied proposition, though it seems I misinterpreted it.”

“Hon, speak up, I can barely hear you,” Remy tells them. “And use less nerd talk; what I could hear I couldn’t understand.”

Logan sighs. “I interpreted your informing me that you are gay for me as you indirectly asking me to be in a relationship with you, but it seems that was a misstep on my part. If you don’t mind, I’ll be taking my leave now before I embarrass myself further.”

“Wait, why do you think I don’t want to be in a relationship with you?” Remy asks.

“It appears that you are dating Janus?” Logan says. “Did I misinterpret that as well?”

“No, we’re dating, but I wanna date you too,” Remy tells them. “If you don’t like Janus like that you don’t have to date faer, as long as you’re cool with sharing me.”

Logan blushes. “That would be satisfactory.”

“Janus?” Remy looks over to faer.

“I’m fine sharing,” Janus says.

“Actually,” Logan admits, blushing harder. “I feel I should confess that I harbor romantic feelings for you as well, Janus—and Virgil too, while I’m admitting these things—though if you do not wish to be in a romantic relationship with me then I am perfectly content to be metamours with you.”

“I’m certainly not opposed to dating you,” Janus tells them.

“So we’re all dating each other, then?” Remy asks.

“It certainly seems that way,” Logan answers, at the same time Janus says, “Yes.”

“Great.” Remy grins. “Come join the ‘yay I’ve got new boyfriends’ pile, Logan.” He pats the empty patch of bed beside him. Logan wrinkles their nose fondly and sits beside Remy, who pulls them down to sprawl across his stomach and onto Janus’s lap. Logan squawks, and tries to pull themself back up, but Remy pushes them back down, declaring, “No sitting up allowed.”

Logan snorts and looks over to Janus. Fae leans forward to kiss their forehead and then settles back against Remy’s side.

“Traitors, the both of you,” Logan huffs, though they can’t stop the smile spreading across their face as they say it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remy and Janus are cuddling on Remy’s bed when someone knocks on the door.

“Come in!” Remy calls. Logan walks in, looks at the two of them.

“Oh, my apologies. I’ll leave you two be.” They turn around. Remy stops them and needles them into admitting that Remy had asked them out—the exact same way he had asked Janus out, fae notes—but that was “a misstep on their part” somehow.

“Wait, why do you think I don’t want to be in a relationship with you?” Remy asks.

“It appears you are dating Janus? Did I misinterpret that as well?”

“No, we’re dating, but I want to date you too,” Remy explains. “If you don’t like Janus like that you don’t have to date faer, as long as you’re cool with sharing me.”

And Janus knows he’s just explaining the situation and Logan’s options, but wow, way to let faer have a say in whether or not fae wants to date Logan or share Remy with them. Fae’s fine with both, but that’s not the point.

“That would be satisfactory.” Logan blushes a pretty shade of pink and unkind thoughts who? Janus doesn’t know them.

“Janus?” Remy looks over to faer, silently asking for faer opinion, and that also helps.

“I’m fine sharing,” Janus confirms.

“Actually,” Logan says, blushing harder and it looks like Janus might just have a new favorite color, wow. “I feel I should confess that I harbor romantic feelings for you as well, Janus—and Virgil too, while I’m admitting these things—though if you do not wish to be in a romantic relationship with me then I am perfectly content to be metamours with you.”

“I’m certainly not opposed to dating you.” Janus grins.

“So we’re all dating each other, then?” Remy asks.

“Yes,” Janus says, while Logan answers with, “It certainly seems that way.”

“Great.” Remy grins. Between that smile and Logan’s blush, Janus just might die from gay. “Come join the ‘yay I’ve got two new boyfriends’ pile, Logan.”

Logan wrinkles their nose—how is faer boyfriend so cute—and sits down. Remy pulls them down on both his and faer laps, and he and Logan struggle briefly.

“No sitting up allowed,” Remy declares, and Logan snickers and looks over to Janus, looking a little like they’re trying to ask for help with their eyes. Janus, being the good boyfriend fae is, kisses their forehead.

“Traitors, the both of you,” Logan accuses, smiling.

“You love us, though,” Remy says.

Logan sighs. “I suppose I do.”

“And,” Remy continues. “You said you like Virgil?”

“Yes,” Logan confirms. “Is that a problem for either of you?”

“None here, babes,” Remy says.

“Here either,” Janus adds. Fae kind of fades out the conversation after that, watching Remy and Logan talk and trying not to let faer negative thoughts get the best of faer.

Because fae can’t help but notice how Logan had confessed to Remy before faer. And Remy had asked Logan out before asking faer out.

And Janus knows they both like faer! They’re all in a relationship! Currently cuddling together!

...Still stings, though. (Fae still feels a little like second place.)

“Janus?”

Fae looks up. “Yeah?”

“What do you think of asking Virgil to join our relationship the day after tomorrow when we do our Thing?” Logan asks.

“Sounds good,” Janus says, smile only a little forced. Fae put faer thoughts firmly aside and rejoins the conversation, enjoying the warmth and comfort of faer boyfriends beside and on top of faer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan frowns, tapping their foot anxiously a few times.

“Should we give him another few minutes?” They ask. “It’s already been fifteen.”

“I don’t think he’s coming.” Remy says.

“He’s hidden himself away for a few days before, but he’s never missed our Thing,” Janus points out.

“Yeah.” Remy frowns. “Wonder what’s wrong.”

“Me too,” Logan says.

“You think we should go ask him?” Remy asks.

Logan hums, considering it. If Virgil hadn’t come out for their Thing, whatever was keeping him in his room was serious. “Maybe give him another day or two.”

“Alright.”

Janus grimaces, tapping faer foot rapidly. “Do… do you guys want to do it anyway, even though Virgil’s not here?”

“No,” Logan says immediately, shaking their head.

“Me neither,” Janus sighs, slowing their tapping. 

“Lo, I know you said to leave him alone, but do you think we could still give him a note or something?” Remy asks, frowning. “I’m worried.”

“I am as well,” Logan admits. “And I don’t see why not.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil sighs and pulls his headphones off, unplugging them from his phone. His legs are a little achy, which is probably a sign he’s been sitting for too long and needs to stretch or something.

He wanders over to the pub table he’s got in the corner, thinking that could be a good spot to set his phone while he dances to music (no one’s around to judge him, it’s fun, and it’s a good way to stretch his legs, okay?). 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees something white on the ground by the door. Crouching down to examine it, it looks like a piece of paper someone folded in half and shoved under the door. Frowning in confusion, he unfolds it.

“Hey, Virgil!” it reads. “It’s been a few days since you emerged from your room and we’re a little worried. Hope you’re alright! Missed you at the Thing today.” It’s signed by Janus, Remy and Logan, though scribbled to the side is the addition, “Apologies for Remy’s poor grammar. I hope you are well. -Logan”

Virgil’s brain latches onto “Missed you at the Thing today.” They’d done it without him? It was their Thing and they’d just excluded him? Had they only noticed he hadn’t left his room because he wasn’t at the Thing? Were they upset he wasn’t there? Like ‘where in the world were you; we had to do the Thing without you’? You aren’t a necessary part of the group, his brain whispers to him, but you bailed on them and they’re mad about it.

Virgil clamps his hands over his ears and plops to the floor. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, he tells his mind. They don’t hate me; they gave me a letter to check in with me while respecting that I might not want to come out and not wanting to force me to.

Really? Or maybe they just couldn’t be bothered to do more than shove a note under the door.

Shut up.

Virgil focuses on doing his 4-7-8 breathing method and firmly ignores his mind telling him his friends now hate him. When his breathing is finally steady and his brain’s stopped hissing poison, he slowly relaxes his muscles and takes his hands off his ears.

Your friends are still your friends, he reminds himself. They’re concerned about your wellbeing, not mad at you, and they still like you.

Platonically, his mind adds sourly. Virgil frowns at the thought.

So far his plan to get rid of his crush on Janus had only revealed his crushes on Logan and Remy as well. Turns out when you’re avoiding thinking about one friend you like, your mind will just go to your other two friends and present some shiny new ‘liking them as more than friends’ idea to you. Which is just more incentive to hide in his room as long as he can.

Virgil sighs, standing up and placing the note facedown on the table. He’s got the majority of a week before he has to face anyone, and even if he doesn’t feel like dancing anymore, he’s still got plenty to do to occupy his time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan knocks firmly on Virgil’s door.

“Virgil,” they call. “It has been five days since anyone has seen you outside your room. This has not happened before and we are all concerned. Please come out to ease our worries.”

No answer. They wait a full minute, their fist still half-raised from knocking, but still nothing.

“Move, please,” Remy says, inserting himself in Logan’s place as they step out of the way. He begins knocking loudly and quickly, barely a step down from banging. “Virgil! Get your pretty ass out here!”

No sign Virgil’s heard anything.

“Maybe he’s asleep?” Logan suggests.

“At 4PM?” Janus asks. “Virgil doesn’t nap and even a night owl like him doesn’t sleep in this late.”

Logan frowns. “Virgil is not an owl—”

“It’s an expression,” Remy explains.

“Ah.”

“Virgil,” Janus tries. “We’re all really worried. Please just open the door? You don’t even have to come out, just let us know you’re alright in there.”

They all watch the doorknob hopefully for a minute. When nothing happens, Remy sighs.

“I don’t think he’s comi—”

There’s a little shrsh of paper brushing against something as a post-it slides under the door. Janus snatches it up eagerly and the other two crowd beside faer to read it.

“I’m fine. Not coming out, sorry.”

Remy sighs again.

“At least we know he’s alright?” Logan offers.

“Yeah,” he agrees, leaning against them. “I’m just worried, y’know? Just a post-it doesn’t really help.”

“I do know; I’m worried too. However, there is nothing we can do to get Virgil out of his room, short of forcing our way inside and dragging him, until he’s ready.”

“Yeah,” Remy says again.

“Wanna go cuddle until we all feel a little better?” Janus offers. Remy smiles softly.

“Yeah.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil scowls at his minifridge. It’s empty, the traitor, and he’s run out of all the food in his room. He has to go out and possibly encounter other people. A tragedy.

He leaves his room at midnight, of course. Less chance of running into people, plus then when Roman makes a comment about how “it’s nice to see you’ve finally emerged from your room” Virgil can laugh at his confusion when he tells him he came out of his room a while ago, princey, where’ve you been?

Less chance of running into people doesn’t equal no chance, unfortunately, and Patton is in the kitchen baking cookies when Virgil comes out to raid it. A weird time to be baking, but Virgil will probably get warm cookies out of it, so he doesn’t question it.

“Hey, Pat,” he greets.

“Hey, kiddo! Good to see you.”

“You too,” Virgil says, shooting him a finger gun. “Anything interesting happen while I was in my room?”

Patton hums thoughtfully. “Remus switched the sugar and salt and the flour and powdered sugar this morning. I borrowed the Lilo and Stitch DVD the other day and Roman and Remus got in a fight about whether or not Roman was hiding it from Remus. Logan stayed up all night on Tuesday and collapsed around lunchtime Wednesday. Janus found another snake in the Imagination and Roman had to steal it to return it home. Oh! Logan and Janus and Remy all got together.”

Virgil freezes. “Like, got together and talked like the four of us usually do?”

“Nope! In a relationship. About the time you hid away in your room, actually.” Patton giggles a little. “It’s been really cute; Remy and Janus carried Logan upstairs after his allnighter and they’re all very sweet together.”

“Oh,” Virgil says, trying not to sound hopelessly crushed.

“Virgil?” Patton asks, turning around to look at him. “You okay?”

He forces a smile. “Just peachy.”

Patton snorts. “I doubt that, but I won’t pry if you don’t want to tell me.”

“Thanks,” Virgil says, smile more genuine now. “Anything else to report?”

“Mmm, I don’t think so,” Patton says. “But if you like, I read a really good book the other day and I could share the plot with you?”

“Sounds good,” Virgil tells him, pushing himself up on the counter as Patton launches into a rambly explanation of the storyline. They pause in the middle to pull the cookies out of the oven, and then munch on them as Patton finishes the story.

“...And then it ends on a nice, hopeful, the-future-holds-great-things ending!” Patton concludes.

“Nice,” Virgil says, shooting Patton a little smile, who returns a beaming one. “Thanks for telling me about it.”

“Thanks for listening!” Patton returns.

“Do you mind if I…” Virgil gestures towards the cookies.

“Take as many as you like,” Patton tells him. Leaning forward conspiratorially, he adds, “If you take all of them and someone washes all the dishes, then the others won’t know there were cookies to have in the first place.”

“Thanks, Patton.”

Virgil scoops up the rest of the cookies—about a dozen or so—and bids Patton goodnight before heading back into his room. He gets a little resealable baggie to slide all the cookies into and sets it on his table.

Then, with nothing else to occupy his mind, he dwells over the fact that Janus, Remy, and Logan are all in a relationship.

Patton said they’d gotten together about the time he locked himself in his room. Had they noticed he wasn’t anywhere to be found and immediately gotten together? And then only given him the note and knocked on his door out of a sense of obligation or something? And maybe because they were mad at him for missing the Thing? They wouldn’t do that.

Would they?

He doesn’t think so.

He hopes not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What?”

“Hey, Janus, it’s okay! He’s probably just sleeping or something!”

“No, he doesn’t get to come out at midnight after he’s been in his room for a week and then not come out for breakfast or something so the rest of us can know he’s alive!” Janus fumes. Fae marches over to Virgil’s room and bangs on the door. “Open up before I kick the door down!”

Janus gives him three seconds before fae backs up, planning to kick the door down. Fae could do it. Fae’d seen an article online.

“Jay, honey, wait,” Remy says, putting a hand on faer shoulder. “I’m upset too, but I’m not going to kick his door down.”

“No, because I’m going to do it for you.”

“Can we not kick my door down?” Janus turns to see Virgil, standing half in his doorway, but still out of his room. Fae immediately drags him all the way out and into a hug.

“Only if you promise not to do that again,” fae tells him.

“Fine,” Virgil sighs. He half raises his arms, then hesitates.

“Hug me back, dummy,” Janus demands. Virgil chuckles a little and hugs faer. After a bit longer, Janus gives a final squeeze before releasing him, moving back a step and brushing faerself off. “That was because I missed you, but if you breathe a word of that to anyone I’ll prank you for a week.” Fae punches him. “And that was because you worried me, jerk.”

“Ow!” Virgil rubs his arm. “Sorry for worrying you.”

“Try not to sound too sincere now.” Fae crosses faer arms and rolls faer eyes.

“I really am sorry for worrying you,” Virgil says. “All of you,” he adds, looking over to where Remy and Logan had been silently watching their exchange.

“You’re forgiven,” Remy tells him. “If I get a hug too.”

Virgil shrugs loosely. “Sure.” He hugs Remy, then turns to Logan. They open their arms, and Virgil sinks into them. Janus steals another hug from Virgil once he pulls away from Logan.

“Sap,” Virgil teases.

“You can’t prove anything.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things have… gone back to normal. Technically.

Virgil hasn’t hidden away for longer than a day again, and even then, it only happened once. They’ve kept doing their Thing every week or so, and to the outside observer nothing would appear different than it had been before.

But it’s… kind of like when one “cleans their room” by shoving all their stuff into a closet. The room may appear neat, but things haven’t been put in their place, just pushed to the side to be ignored.

Similarly, there seems to be a barely-there tension in their interactions with Virgil. Logan doesn’t usually notice it, but sometimes, in lulls of conversation or merely at random intervals, they’ll feel it, simmering under the surface of things. They don’t like it, both because tension, as a rule, is uncomfortable, and because they don’t know why it’s there.

They suspect it has something to do with why Virgil locked himself in his room for a week. He still hasn’t told them why he’d done it, shrugging off any questions or deflecting the conversation away from the topic.

They also think it probably has at least a little to do with the fact that Janus, Remy, and themself still have not informed Virgil of their relationship.

Virgil is smart, and very observant. He has almost certainly picked up on the fact that the three of them are dating. He is also the type of person to pretend he doesn’t know something if he feels it is being kept secret from him, and the type to internally question why information is being “withheld” from him, and assume it is something he has done.

Logan knows this, and has been pushing Janus and Remy to tell Virgil about their relationship. Janus and Remy think they should wait longer, give Virgil more time. The first couple of weeks after Virgil emerged from his room, Logan could excuse, because they’d been rediscovering their rhythm. But enough time has passed that they have all settled back into their rhythm and now they need to inform Virgil of their relationship and correct any misconceptions he most likely has over why they have taken so long to tell him.

To return to the bedroom comparison from earlier, Logan has never been one to shove things into a closet and proclaim a room clean. Everything should be put in its place and the only things to go in the closet should be things that belong there.

This weird tension and putting off informing Virgil of their relationship do not go in “the closet.”

So, a month after the week Virgil locked himself in his room, Logan opens the figurative closet door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We’re in a relationship,” Logan tells Virgil at one of their Things. Janus and Remy’s gazes both snap over to Logan warningly, but the cat is out of the proverbial bag and this has been a long time coming anyway. “Remy, Janus, and I.”

Virgil stares for a moment.

“Cool,” he says finally. “Congratulations.” And then, since he’s a petty jerk, “Since I locked myself in my room for a bit, right?”

The three of them exchange glances.

“Yes,” Janus tells him.

“How’d you know that, doll?” Remy asks.

“Patton told me.” Virgil half-shrugs. Before he can stop himself, he adds, “Saw your chance and took it, huh?”

Logan blinks. “What do you mean by that?”

“It’s nothing,” Virgil says. If he tells them, they’re going to “correct” him, even if he’s right and they just feel bad about it.

“Um, no, that’s clearly not nothing, hon,” Remy sort of laughs, though his expression is serious. Virgil shrugs again, this time with both shoulders.

“Virgil,” Janus commands. “Tell us.”

Virgil rolls his eyes and tips his head back so he doesn't have to look at them. “I’m just saying, we’re all sort of a group, and you didn’t want to feel awkward with the three of you getting together and me not, so once you noticed I was out of the way, you took the opportunity and asked each other out.”

“No,” Remy corrects, because that is so far from what actually happened it might as well be on the other side of the planet. “That is definitely not what happened, V, dear.”

“Sure,” Virgil agrees, in a way that says he clearly doesn’t believe him but doesn’t want to fight over it.

“You think we, what—saw you locked yourself in your room and decided that was a good chance to exclude you?” Logan asks incredulously.

Virgil snaps and points at them. “That would be what happened.”

“That’s not what happened,” Logan insists.

“Look,” Virgil says, tilting his head up to look at the three of them. “You don’t have to lie to me to be nice or spare my feelings or whatever. I get it.”

“I don’t think you do,” Janus tells him.

“Then explain it to me.”

“I realized how gay I was,” Remy explains. “Ran into Jan and Lo, asked them out, and we all got together. We decided to ask you at the next one of these Things we had, since that was the next time we were guaranteed to all be together alone. When you didn’t show up, we got worried but wanted to give you space, so we mostly left you be until Patton told us you’d come out and then we pulled you out of your room because we figured you were ready enough to come out.”

“And then, what, you just chose not to tell me you guys were dating for a month?” Virgil asks.

“We were trying to find a good time,” Logan tells him.

“It’s been a month; there’s been plenty of time,” Virgil snaps.

Then he stops, tilts his head to the side.

“Wait…” he says slowly. “Did— Did you say ‘ask me’? Like, ask me out?”

“Yeah, duh,” Remy replies.

“You guys like me?”

“I doubt we would hang out with you every week if we disliked you, Virgil.” Janus rolls faer eyes.

“You guys like me romantically?” Virgil amends.

“Yes.”

“Yeah.”

“Duh.”

Virgil curls himself up, burying his head in his knees as he processes this. Remy gently lays a hand on his knee.

“It’s okay if you don’t like us back, or only like one or two of us, hon,” Remy tells him. “But we’d like you to join our relationship, if you’ll have us.”

The knee starts trembling under his hand, and Remy realizes Virgil’s crying. “Oh, hon…” He gathers him up in a hug.

“I—I thought you were avoiding telling me because you didn’t want me to know,” Virgil stammers through his tears. “I thought you’d noticed I left and saw that as your chance to get together without me being around. I thought— I thought—” He starts crying too hard to talk.

Remy holds him, and Janus and Logan move over to them and help whisper assurances that no, they would never, that they love him so much and they’re so sorry it came to this. Their hands on his knee and back and Remy’s arms around him are bright spots of warmth that Virgil relishes.

He cries until he thinks he can’t, until one of them murmurs, “We’re here; we love you,” and sends him to fresh tears. He cries for an hour, at least, and when he’s truly sobbed out all the hurt over this inside him, the other three are still there with him.

“Sorry,” Virgil whispers, not fully trusting his voice.

Logan frowns. “What for?”

He gestures a little to the huddle they’re in. “Messing up this. Crying on you guys for like an hour.”

“You haven’t messed up anything,” Remy assures him. “And we’re happy to let you cry on us all you want.”

“Better than shoving your emotions down and ignoring them as they fester,” Janus adds.

“Yeah, I guess.” Virgil nods and scrubs at his face. “Thanks.”

“You’re very welcome,” Logan says.

“This might be a bad time,” Remy says, “and feel free to tell me off if it is, but does this mean you want to be our boyfriend?”

Virgil laughs, a little wetly. “Yeah. I’d really like that.”

“Good,” Remy says. “We would, too.”

“Celebratory ‘we gained a boyfriend’ cuddles,” Janus declares, pulling them over to the bed. No one resists, and they cuddle until they fall asleep on each other.

[legumelupin]

Cake Week!

here it is! the first chapter of this story that i love so much but is ruining my life! and here it is on ao3! it’s over 11k so please enjoy

WEEK 1 — CAKE

“It’s the moment every dessert lover, every pastry lover, really any kind of bake lover has been waiting for. The tent is staked and there are 12 new bright-eyed and bushy-tailed amateur bakers ready to battle it out. These bakers are some of the finest in the United Kingdom and were hand-selected out of thousands of applicants. 

“They practiced for months and months to perfect new and old skills to take on a new set of challenges. Original signatures, grueling technicals, and spectacular showstoppers that are all made to push the baker's creativity and determination to the edge. Who will come out victorious? And who will collapse under a soggy bottom? 

“This season, the bakers will be judged by none other than the lovely baking queen of Scotland, Minerva McGonagall. She’s hard to impress and incredibly blunt but boy does she make spectacular ginger biscuits. Her co-judge is the man who looks great for his age and who’s palate ranges from lemon sherbert to cockroach cookies. That’s right, it’s the ever-serene Albus Dumbledore. But the bakers had better watch out, our dear Dumbly isn’t afraid to shatter hopes and dreams. And as always, this season will be hosted by myself, Horace “Sluggy” Slughorn, and the large and in charge, Rubeus Hagrid.

“For their first week, our brand new bakers will have to overcome the woes of cake week. That means avoiding dry sponges, merengues that aren’t whipped properly, and batter that is over’werked’ as our dear Minerva would say.

“Welcome to Season 7 of the Great British Bake Off!”

~

Remus tied the apron around his waist, his hands shaking uncontrollably as he was still processing where exactly he was. He was in The Tent! The people in charge of the Great British Bake Off chose his application as one of the ones to be a part of the next season. Him! Remus John Lupin! What the fuck? What were they thinking? What was he thinking? He had let his mother convince him into applying, citing his bread and his knack for precision as qualities that could help him. He just never thought he would be here, ever. But he was! 

He took a look around, noting all the cameras and feeling his stomach start to twist itself into a knot a bit. Oh gods, what in the world was he thinking? He’d be on TV and chances are he’d make a fool of himself for everyone to see! He thought of the day the camera crew had shown up to his family’s small cottage just outside of Cardiff. He had been maybe even more nervous then than he was now considering how intimate the whole ordeal was. They just followed him around for a few hours and had him hang in the kitchen with his mother while his father sat at the counter reading the paper. They followed him to his job at a bookshop just inside of town and he talked about his dream to go to university to study literature. If he didn’t think too hard about it, being in The Tent didn’t seem so bad anymore. 

And then one of the Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore walked in. Gods, he wished he packed a joint in his bag for after. Or even his pack of cigs. He was going to need it afterward judging by how hard his legs were shaking. He looked to the workstation across from him and found a woman with long, red hair and he remembered her vaguely from the little mingling session the producers of the show hosted for contestants the day before. Remus did his best to socialize but he mostly kept to himself, thinking about the book that was waiting for him on his train ride home. But looking at her now, she was hard not to remember with hair like that and green eyes that pierce him even from the distance he’s at. 

She caught his eye and offered him a kind smile that he returned easily, feeling a bit better. He could see the worry lines etched on the side of her mouth. Honestly, Remus should have been paying more attention to the competition if he wanted to win but he’d been so inside his head that he didn’t even remember any of their names let alone what they looked like. All he remembered from the night before was the piercing blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore and the raucous laughter of Rubeus Hagrid. He was so shell-shocked that all he could do was tell himself not to panic and have a drink with a few of the other contestants that he didn’t remember the names of. 

But now, here he was, smiling at the girl with flaming red hair, waiting for the camera crew to give the cue for them to start. They’d gotten the opening shots with all the new bakers lined up outside the tent and all of them walking into the tent for the first time. Remus was almost positive that his gaze was downcast the entire time. It was almost like he was asking to leave on the first episode but in reality, he did really want to win. He was terrified and an anxious disaster. But he was a terrified and anxious disaster with a passion to win.

“Psst, hey!” a voice whispered behind him and Remus raised an eyebrow, turning his head to find the most gorgeous man his bisexual eyes have ever seen. Remus suppresses a groan. Why did Gorgeous-Man have to get his attention before the first task? As if it wasn’t going to be hard enough before, all Remus would be able to think about now were those stormy grey eyes and long, very soft-looking black hair. He would definitely overbake his sponge. 

~

Sirius Black was very nervous. He was incredibly proud of himself for making it onto the show but he was also still in disbelief. Even when he was standing at his workstation for their first bake of cake week, he didn’t believe he was actually going to be on his favorite TV show. The night before hadn’t done anything to soothe his nerves or let him know that this was actually real but he did meet a really wonderful bloke by the name of James Potter who was also a contestant on the show. They hit off on their first interaction and hit the pub right after the little event had ended. Sirius felt he’d made a friend forever in the guy.

“Hey man, this is crazy right?” a brown-skinned guy with unruly black hair and kind, hazel eyes said, gesturing to the large white tent that was just down the hill from the little area of the grounds the newest contestants were all gathered in. He looked to be around Sirius’s age. “Never thought I’d be here but I guess they liked my application enough even though I made a complete fool of myself,” the guy snorted and Sirius raised an eyebrow. 

“I suppose they just wanted a village fool and they thought you’d do the best job,” Sirius snarked and the guy looked affronted but to the point of mocking him.

“You say that as if it isn’t a high honor, young sir!” the man proclaimed and Sirius cracked a grin. 

“I have to say, kind fellow, I’m going to put up a hell of a fight to be crowned the title of fool before you,” Sirius jested back and the guy laughed heartily. 

“I’m James Potter,” he extended his hand and Sirius took it in his own. 

“Sirius,” the pale male answered and James quirked an eyebrow but didn’t let go of his hand. 

“Course I’m serious, why would I lie about my name?” James asked and Sirius snorted.

“No, I’m Sirius,” he replied and James just leveled him with a small glare. 

“About what, mate? You haven’t even said anything,” James shot back and Sirius rolled his eyes. 

“No, you oaf. My fucking name is Sirius,” he laughed and James’s face fell for a second before it broke out into a large grin. 

“That’s right funny, Sirius. You can make a lot of jokes with that,” James smiled and Sirius laughed. 

“Just did, mate,” Sirius remarked and James didn’t stop grinning. 

“Wanna grab a pint after this?” James asked and Sirius knew. He just knew. This guy was gonna be his best friend after this night. 

“Sounds like a plan to me. I’d get out of here right now if it weren’t the set of fucking Bake Off,” Sirius murmured and James grinned at him again. 

“Is someone nervous?”

“As if you aren’t. Or I suppose you’re too daft to feel nervous.”

“Oi! Now that’s just rude!”

“You didn’t even understand when I introduced myself!”

“Your name is fucking Sirius! Pardon me for not knowing very many people named after celestial bodies!”

“Well, you’re pardoned! Happy?”

“Incredibly, good sir!”

They hit the pub together after the party as promised and got properly shitfaced and Sirius was sure that he would want to remember that night forever. Bake Off was already getting his mind off his shit life but this bloke, this James Potter, seemed to be a forever friend. 

James was sat at the station on Sirius’s right and they kept glancing at each other. Both would be lying if they said they weren’t nursing a bit of a hangover which is not ideal considering it was their first day on the set of a baking TV show that would be broadcasted all over England. James pointed to the woman who sat in front of him and made a face at Sirius that indicated that he was absolutely smitten with this woman. He’d never even talked to her. Sirius rolled his eyes and shook his head. James glared at him and stuck out his tongue, and then feigned absolute hurt when Sirius didn’t change the look on his face.

Sirius could only roll his eyes again but with a smile this time. He turned his attention to the guy sitting in front of him who was wearing a sweater that was definitely not appropriate for this fucking disgusting weather. Sirius knew it wasn’t his place to say shit to the guy but holy fucking hell it was as hot as Satan’s balls out! So, like a typical Black (and he was well aware of his cousin’s presence in the tent which was kind of crazy but he tried not to think too hard about it), he said something. 

“Psst, hey!” he whispered loudly and thankfully, the guy heard him and turned around briefly. Sirius’s gay panic went haywire at that moment. He forgot about the sweater all at once and was stuck between a sea of honey brown and a forest of glorious summer green and freckled cheeks with a couple of faint scars running across a beautiful nose. He had fucking freckles and heterochromia. Oh gods, he was toast. Pun intended. 

“Yeah?” the guy asked, his voice sounded strained. How had Sirius not seen him last night? Or this morning? Was he seriously so far up James’s ass and happy to have a friend that he didn’t even notice this hot string bean amongst the ten other contestants? Yes, yes he was. But that wasn’t an excuse!

“Oh, um, I was just… Mate, how the hell are you wearing that thing right now?” Sirius asked incredulously and the man’s face fell to be quickly unimpressed. 

“I've been cold on the inside since I’ve been ten,” he deadpanned and Sirius raised an eyebrow at him. “Basically I’m depressed,” he continued after before making to turn back front. 

“Wait, you’re not even gonna tell me your name Mr. I- Wear -a -Sweater -in -the -Dead -of -Summer?” Sirius quipped and the guy actually managed a smile. Sirius groaned internally. No one should be allowed to look that hot!! And he was just fucking smiling!! At this rate, Sirius couldn’t even bring himself to think about fucking cake (unless it was this guy’s cake, if you know what he’s saying. Wink wink).

“Remus Lupin. Care to tell me yours? Mr. I-Have-No-Manners-and-Can’t-Recognized-a-Depressed-Bastard?” the guy snarked back, not losing the amused look on his beautiful face.

Sirius barked out a laugh causing the other contestants to look over to them and Sirius feared of being shushed so he quickly said, “Sirius Black.”

Remus nodded at him, a small smile still piquing on his lips before turning back around. And finally, the set fucking called for action. Now, what was the cake he’d been practicing for weeks?

~

Marlene McKinnon was an absolute ball of nerves and it was obvious to everyone around them, too. They couldn’t sit still. One minute they were bouncing their leg up and down, another they were wringing their hands, another their fingers were twisting around their long chestnut brown ponytail, and another minute they were braiding that ponytail. But before they knew it, Sluggy and Hagrid were welcoming all of them to Cake Week and giving the prompt, which they already knew, before the legendary send-off:

“On your marks,” said Hagrid.

“Get set!” Sluggy cheered.

“BAKE!” they both rang out together and it was like Marlene blacked out. 

Their adrenaline took over and they raced around her work station, grabbing sugar, eggs, and flour for their orange zest angel food cake. Their workstation was one of the first two from the tent’s entrance which they were honestly thankful for because that meant the judging and hosting teams came to them first. And they wanted as little distractions as possible. 

“Marlene, what kind of angel food cake are you making for us today?” Sluggy asked, peering around her workstation. They looked up and saw the calculating gaze of Albus Dumbledore on their batter in the mixer and the stern eyes of Minerva McGonagall boring into their own. Their knees wobbled and they fought to keep themself upright. Minerva was an inspiration for them and now the woman was going to be judging their bakes. 

“Oh, um.. I’m going to be making an orange zest angel food cake with chocolate glaze and fresh whipped cream,” they said while trying to keep their voice from shaking. 

“Sounds quite lovely,” Albus said serenely. 

“Yes, I expect a strong orange flavor in your cake,” Minerva insisted curtly but with a small peak of a smile. 

“Of course! I hope it comes through,” Marlene smiled and they knew that this was where her little introduction would be placed in post-production of the show. The production crew followed them around Cambridge and talked about how they worked as a physician's assistant for a nephrologist and lived with their two cats. 

 They were quite happy with their life at the moment, they kept up with their family who didn’t live that far away and their job was fulfilling. But they were a hopeless romantic and were on the lookout for a lovely lady to woo or for one to woo them. 

They glanced around their station once the judges and hosts moved on and caught the eye of a dark-skinned girl named Dorcas Meadowes that they met yesterday along with a red-head named Lily Evans and another woman with mousy brown hair named Alice. Dorcas gave them a small smile before turning back to her own bake and Marlene felt their cheeks heat up a bit and really hoped no cameras were pointed at them. 

The bakers had two hours for the first bake of the season and Marlene thought everything was going well. Their egg whites whipped up well, they zested many oranges, everything seemed to be going alright. They couldn’t say the same for the man across from them. He had long blond hair and a permanent sneer on his face that said he thought he was better than everyone. Marlene remembered him from the night before and rolled their eyes then just like they were rolling them now. 

He fucked up his egg whites it seemed like and was obviously disgruntled as the camera crew moved to his station for what kind of angel cake he was making. Marlene marked him as a weak link in their head but they didn’t dwell on it too long as their egg whites weren’t yet stiff peaks. They kept beating them. 

Marlene was a whirlwind of movements for the next hour and a half until Hagrid announced they all had a half-hour left and they felt absolutely overwhelmed despite actually being in a pretty good place in their bake. Their sponge was cooling and it looked well-baked but not over baked, their chocolate glaze was almost ready and all they had left was their whipped cream and to slice some oranges as a garnish. 

“Looks like he broke your focus,” the woman behind Marlene’s station smirked but not unkindly. 

“Oh, uh yeah,” Marlene answered with a breathy laugh. 

“Sorry if that was weird, you’re just in front of me and you’ve been in the zone the entire time. It’s admirable, I hope it’s all going well for you,” the woman smiled sweetly and Marlene smiled back at her. They noticed all around the tent, bakers were conserving and bantering with each other and they hadn’t said a word since the very beginning. 

“No, it’s not weird and thank you. I hope it’s going well for you too, this is all so scary,” Marlene answered and the woman smiled at them more. She didn’t seem too much older but she was definitely on the older side of the contestants. Almost everyone else looked to be Marlene’s age. 

“Yeah but think about it, if you didn’t deserve to be here, you wouldn’t be,” she reminded Marlene and the person nodded. “I’m Andromeda, by the way. It’s nice to meet you and hopefully, there’ll be a friendly face around here over the next few weeks, assuming I make it through,” she said softly and Marlene nodded again.

“I’m Marlene, it’s good to meet you too,” they answered before turning back to their bake, making sure their chocolate glaze wasn’t burning or anything. 

There was a minute left before they could even realize and their cake was glazed, their whipped cream was cold and sitting like a cloud atop the cake, and they were just finishing slicing their oranges. They chanced a glance up and around and saw the blond man across from them struggling. His sponge looked overdone and his lemon glazed looked too runny. They could only hope that the orange was strong enough in their cake to compete with their chocolate glaze and cut through it. 

“Bakers, time is up! Please step away from your bakes and move your Angel Food cakes to the end of your table!” Sluggy called out to the group and almost simultaneously, everyone out down what they were doing and stepped back. Marlene was satisfied with how their cake looked, they really only wanted it to taste good now. They took a look around at everyone else’s.

~

Sirius had dried batter on his face and his usually pristine hair was rather disheveled but his angel food cake looked delicious, at least in his eyes. It was a vanilla sponge with a sweet cranberry sauce running down the sides with strawberries on top. He looked forward at Mr. Remus Lupin’s cake and groaned. His looked fucking delicious and it looked like he made a chocolate angel cake sponge? The fucking drama of this guy! He looked over at James who looked very proud of his key lime pie inspired back and he had to admit it was impressive. 

“We got this in the bag,” the man whispered-shouted across the way, his arms crossed proudly over his chest. The girl in front of him who he was gaping at two hours ago turned and gave him a slightly disgusted look and he noticed and grinned at her. “Like what you see?”

“Aha, you wish,” she sneered and Sirius decided she wasn’t his favorite person. What was her deal? Sure James was a little cocky but so what? 

“Oh come on, Red. You don’t think my sponge looks good?” he asked with an easy grin and the girl rolled her eyes before facing forward. Judging was starting. 

~

Remus’s internal panic alarms were ablaze. He was proud of his bake for sure but it wasn’t up to his usual standard in his opinion. There was a good chance the sponge was dry on his vanilla one and his chocolate one had a very good chance of being underbaked. His pastry cream was set well enough but he was nervous all the same. All he could hope for was that it tasted better than how he imagined it did. 

He watched Albus and Minerva make the rounds with Hagrid by their side from behind him. They were tasting a greasy-haired guy’s cake and they seemed kind of meh with it like it didn’t do anything special for them and from what he could tell, it was just a normal sponge with some powdered sugar and strawberries on top.

“I’d like to see more,” Minerva said, a tone of disappointment in her voice. The guy just gritted his teeth and nodded shortly before turning to look forward. 

The judges moved onto the guy in front of the one they just judged who’d been talking to Sirius just a minute ago. He looked very proud and boastful of his bake and with good reason it seemed as the judges loved it and the guy who was judged first seethed very visibly, glaring daggers at the back of Sirius’s friend’s head. But Remus’s view was obscured when the judges crossed over to Sirius’s station. He could hear everything they were saying. 

“Right, Sirius my boy, this is vanilla angel food cake with cranberry sauce, right?” Albus asked and Sirius nodded while chewing his lip. He was fucking hot when he chewed his lip. Gods, Remus was so fucking bent for this guy and he had one conversation with him if it could’ve even been counted as a conversation. And he was a dick during the whole thing! How could he be a dick to the one attractive guy who’s talked to him in months? Remus held back a sigh as Minerva and Albus tasted Sirius’s cake. 

“Hm, that is scrummy. The cranberry is sharp and tart which is an excellent contrast to the sweetness of your sponge,” Minerva attested and Sirius’s face broke out into a smile. It was radiant and Remus never wanted him to stop. 

“Yes this is delicious, thank you,” Albus commented, giving a slow nod to Sirius. 

“Thank you,” he said softly, the smile never melting off his face. 

As Minerva and Dumbledore moved onto the person behind Sirius with Hagrid, Remus caught Sirius’s attention. “Nice one! Looks great,” he smiled and if it were possible, Sirius’s smile grew even bigger. Remus’s heart clenched because he made that happen. 

“Thanks, mate! Yours looks really good, a chocolate angel food cake is impressive,” Sirius whispered back and Remus flashed him a smile this time. 

“Thanks!” 

Remus faced forward again and waited for the judges to come to his station with a large amount of anxiety that grew with every second. He resisted the urge to bite his fingernails to shreds as he knew the cameras were still around and taking shots of people other than those who had the judges at their table. But Remus needn’t wait very long as the next person they came to was him. He sat up straighter when Hagrid addressed him. 

“Remus, what have you made fer the judges t’day?” he asked and Remus swallowed loudly. 

“Uh, it’s alternating chocolate and vanilla angel food cake with pastry cream in between the layers, topped with fresh whipped cream,” he said quickly but his voice didn’t waver thankfully. He was a mess. 

“It looks very neat and your pastry cream seems to have set very nicely. Quite ambitious for the first bake of the season, let’s just hope you pulled it off,” Minerva remarked but there was a shine in her eyes. 

“Yes, I hope I did too,” he said softly as they cut into his sponges and took a piece onto the plate set in front. 

“The vanilla sponge looks well baked,” Albus commented, tapping his fork lightly over it. “But I fear you may have misjudged the timing for your chocolate sponge, it appears a bit underdone,” he remarked and Remus nodded. He figured. “Best to try it.”

The two judges put a piece of his cake into their mouths and looked thoughtful for a moment. “These flavors are wonderful. And it’s quite a feat that you got your chocolate sponge to rise and still have such a profound flavor. The pastry cream is a nice texture too,” Minerva commented and Remus smiled at her. 

“Yes, this is very good indeed however your chocolate sponge is underbaked,” Albus continued and Remus nodded. 

“Right, sorry about that,” he murmured. 

“This is a very fine cake you have, Remus,” Albus finished and Remus tipped his head in thanks. 

“I’ll jus’ be taking a piece o’ that,” Hagrid said sneakily, taking a piece of chocolate sponge with him and Remus snickered, gesturing for him to take as much as he pleased. 

“Oi, mate, that’s amazing!” Sirius whispered from behind him and Remus turned to face him, both of them wearing dazed and happy smiles. Honestly, it went better than Remus had expected it to go for their first bake and he felt ready for the technical, though he didn’t want to be too cocky just yet. 

~ 

When the judges got around to that bloke Lucius, the one across from Marlene, they couldn’t help but roll their eyes despite the large number of nerves setting their entire body on fire. Oh gods, they were the last to be judged and from what they were hearing, the majority of the others had done really well. The bar was too high!! Too high!! Marlene wished they were high right about now but instead they had to listen to Minerva and Albus be disappointed with the blond git’s bake. At least that was something positive for them. They had heard high praises for Lily and Dorcas’ bakes and they really enjoyed Alice’s flavors. Marlene thought for a second that Andromeda was going to get a Minerva McGonagall handshake and here they were with just a plain old orange-flavored sponge and some chocolate sauce. 

They barely even registered when Hagrid addressed them due to never-ending nerves but stood up straight once they realized, watching Minerva and Albus inspect their sponge. 

“Looks to be a very good bake and the chocolate has a beautiful shine to it,” Albus remarked and Marlene smiled a bit. 

“Yeah let’s just hope the orange came through,” Minerva replied before putting her fork in her mouth. “And it does,” she added immediately after. “Beautifully, too,” she continued and Marlene’s shoulders sagged in relief. 

“That’s a very lovely sponge you have there,” Albus praised and Marlene grinned at him. 

“Thank you,” they said quietly and the group moved away. 

There was a flurry of movements but they were told to leave the tent so they could prepare for the technical and so the camera crew could get a few testimonials from the contestants. They called out a few names of who they wanted. 

“Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, and Alice Fortesque,” one of the crew members shouted. “Everyone else, please exit the tent. You may wonder the grounds and enjoy something from the buffet but you are due back in a half-hour for the next bake!”

Marlene hurried out of the tent and into the fresh air, feeling as though they were able to breathe for the first time that morning. Gods, if that was what it was going to be like for the next ten weeks, they didn’t know if they could make it! That was one bake and they were already knackered! They would really need to pack a joint with them for their travels back home if that’s what it was going to be like.

“Hey, Marls! Where’re you headed?” a voice that she recognized as Dorcas shouted from a few meters away. They looked up and saw the dark-skinned girl with pale-skinned Lily by her side, both with wide smiles and welcoming hand gestures. 

“Nowhere in particular!” they called back as they headed to join them on their walk. 

They talked and gossiped about the first challenge. Lily ranted about the guy behind her, James Potter, being an absolute git who was too cocky for his own good. And while she did sound truly exasperated by this man, Marlene could also tell she fancied him even if it was just a bit. Lily didn’t seem like the type to appreciate being told this though so Marlene kept a tight-lip and settled for exchanging knowing glances with Dorcas who couldn’t hold back the smirk from her face. Gods, Marlene was absolutely smitten with that look and they couldn't even admit to themself. They wouldn’t be surprised if the word hypocrite was emboldened on their tanned forehead. 

~

Sirius was a bit bummed that Remus got called for a testimonial. Not that he wanted to give one or anything but he was hoping he could drag the guy along with him and James during their break. James was great company though, he always had something to say and it was usually hysterical. It’s only been 24 hours since meeting the guy but it felt like they’d been friends since secondary school, if not before. 

“Hey, mate, you there?” James’ voice filtered into Sirius’s thoughts and he snapped his head towards the man. 

“Huh?” he managed gracefully. 

“I said that bloke sitting in front of you seemed pretty cool,” James repeated, not letting on if he noticed Sirius blatantly ignoring him for a minute. 

“Oh, Remus?” Sirius perked up causing James’s eyebrows to raise by a fraction before shrugging. 

“I suppose if that’s his name,” he jabbed and Sirius laughed a laugh that sounded to be that of a bark. James quite enjoyed it and thought it fit Sirius’s persona perfectly. 

“It is. And yeah, he’s very cool. Talked with him for a bit before we started,” Sirius insisted and James quirked a smile. 

“Wanna grab a nightcap tonight? We can invite this Remus character as well,” James offered and Sirius’s eyes shone brightly. He couldn’t help it. Remus was cute. 

“Yeah, sure! Sounds great to me, honestly anything to stay away from home for the night is good for me,” Sirius grinned. 

“Well if that’s the case, then you’ll just have to get too drunk to go home Mr. Black, causing me to insist you stay the night at my place so I can be sure you don’t sick up in your mouth and choke on it,” James grinned and Sirius grinned back. They looked like a right pair of scoundrels right then even if they had no intention of getting drunk enough to even feel their cheeks grow warm. They had the blasted show-stopper tomorrow! They couldn’t make fools of themselves just because they had a pint too many!

“Is that a challenge Mr. Potter?” Sirius poked and James laughed.

“Is that how you see it?” 

“Perhaps.”

“I think you mean mayhaps,” James corrected and Sirius snorted. 

“You’re fucking weird, Potter. That something you learned in Godric’s Hollow, some posh lingo or whatever?” Sirius taunted playfully and James scoffed. 

“You’re one to talk about bloody posh, mate. Sirius Black, named after a fucking star and grew up in rich London. I look like a right plebeian standing next to you. I might as well get down on my knees and kiss your—“

“Alright, alright, you can shut it now.”

“Eh, didn’t go too far did I?”

“Absolutely not, you prick. I’m just annoyed you refuse to acknowledge your own poshness, even if it’s more eccentric and fucking loony.”

“I’m not loony.”

“You just told me to say mayhaps.”

“As a joke!”

“Uh-huh, I’m sure.”

“You better watch your tongue, Sirius Black, I’m not afraid to tell on you to Minerva McGonagall! We’re close personal friends!” Sirius erupted into laughter and James followed suit. The break didn’t seem to last long enough. 

~ 

Remus stood back at his station rather disgruntled despite having gotten high remarks from the judges. But the attitudes of the two other guys chosen were just abysmal and Remus did not feed well off of negative energy. Thankfully, the girl Alice was an absolute sweetheart and he managed to occupy his waiting time talking with her and ignoring the two other assholes. However, when Alice went to give her shpiel on the first bake, he was left alone with Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape, neither of which displayed any kindness. 

“That old bat doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” Lucius had snarled. 

“Neither of them can appreciate true artistry,” Severus had implored and Remus rolled his eyes but his ears burned as the man continued, “Praising an underbaked chocolate sponge. How very soft. I suppose they feel bad with all those scars. Paints a very interesting picture.”

“Hmph, I have to agree. And with all the praise for that brown skin and that black girl,” Lucius had sneered. Remus could tolerate slander directed at him but he drew the line at any kind of racism. 

“Hey, you better shut the fuck up,” Remus snarled as he turned around. “To be quite honest I couldn’t give a damn about your bitterness towards the judging but don’t go blaming it on others and don’t you dare bring anyone’s race into this. They have just as much of a right as you or I do and the fact they’re better than you makes you feel inferior. Well, I got news for you mate. You are inferior. And if I ever hear you badmouthing anyone for their race, I will fucking slug you where you stand,” he bit out quietly and without wavering. “Fucking trash,” he gritted out, spitting at Lucius’s feet and glaring at Severus before turning back to ignore them.

The pair behind him continued their conversation much more quietly then and Remus failed to hear any of it but it wasn’t too much longer before Alice came back and Lucius left. She could sense his anger but didn’t ask him about, choosing instead to ask about what he did for a living. 

So there he stood, his arms tightly crossed over his chest, glaring daggers into the back of Lucius Malfoy’s head, waiting for the hosts and the judges to arrive, signaling the start of their first technical challenge. 

“Psst, Remus,”.said a voice behind him and he really thought about ignoring the guy just because he was in a foul mood. But he relented anyway because he had a feeling that Sirius wouldn’t stop calling out to him until he answered. He turned. 

“What?”

“Wanna grab a pint with me and James after we wrap up for the day?” he asked with a brilliant smile and expectant eyes. His heart melted a bit at the sight and he smiled softly. It took him a minute to register what the guy had asked him and then he felt his cheeks flush. He was asking him to hang out after? Him? Remus Lupin?

“James?” Remus asked without thinking or hesitating and Sirius pointed his thumb over to the guy at the station across the way. The man called James smiled a brilliant smile and waved enthusiastically. Remus snorted. 

“Sure,” he answered with an easy smile before turning back forward to hide his burning cheeks. He managed to catch a glimpse of Sirius’s own burning cheeks though and the thought made him warm inside. 

~

The technical was a disaster. At least it was for Sirius. He couldn’t be sure about anyone else but he was sure he fucked up his bake beyond repair. All his good graces from the signature challenge would go out the window because he would surely be crowned twelfth place and he would have to claw his way through the ashes during the showstopper just to stay in the competition past the first week. He was embarrassed and he was annoyed with himself for cracking under pressure. Surely he could’ve handled twelve miniature tres leches cakes, right? But no, not at all apparently! His whipped cream was running, his sponges well weak and didn’t hold well after being doused in milk and to top it off, he cut his finger when slicing the strawberries! No one was having a worse time than him, surely.

Except for maybe Marlene McKinnon who was almost in tears at how everything was turning out. How could it be that only an hour ago they were making perfect whipped cream and now it just wouldn’t stiffen? They were on their third attempt and there was only five minutes left in the challenge so if it didn’t work then, they would be serving naked, milky sponges and they absolutely loathed the sound of that. They beat their whipping cream and sugar harder. 

Remus Lupin felt oddly calm during the technical. His sponge came out well or so it appeared and he had no way of testing it, his milk concoction was mixed well and his whipped cream wasn’t grainy. All was well at station Remus and he was quite proud of himself although he doesn’t have the self-confidence to believe he’d place even in the top three. But he was still proud of himself. 

“Alright bakers, that’s the end of your first technical, if you could, please bring your tres leches up to the Gingham altar and place them behind your visage!” Sluggy proclaimed and everyone seemed to take a collective breath as they stepped back for the first time since starting. Thankfully, Remus had just finished setting his last strawberry atop his cakes and couldn’t help but be pleased as he brought up his platter to the front. He was seventh in the judging so he’d have to wait for Albus and Minerva to get to his bake but he didn’t seem to mind actually was a nice change of events from this morning. He began to fear that his lack of anxiety would be his downfall though and that he’d be taken by surprise and his tres leches would actually be terrible and his sponge would be cracked and dry. 

He sat in an odd mixture of fear and calm. But he was sat next to Sirius so that was nice. Sirius looked upset and Remus searched for his photo which was second from the start and frowned. They certainly weren’t the prettiest but they didn’t look awful and as long as they tasted good, he would be fine. 

“It’ll be alright, mate,” Remus whispered, trying to sound encouraging and Sirius just shrugged. Remus risked it. He took Sirius’s hand and held it. Yes, he was attracted to the man but also they were in this together. As much as Bake Off was a competition, they were still fighting the same battles and Remus would hate to see Sirius feel alone during this. Luckily, Sirius held on. 

“Right,” Minerva said, catching their attention and looking over the bakes with scrutiny. “Let’s see how they did, shall we?” she asked, gesturing to the first bake which was behind the photo of a man Remus had never talked to. 

They seemed to enjoy it enough but remarked that the cakes weren’t milky enough and Remus had to stop from blanching at the term used. Milky. Ew. Gross. But they moved onto Sirius’s and the man held Remus’s hand tighter. 

“These look a little… disordered,” Albus said serenely. “But hopefully the flavor is good,” he continued as he and Minerva put a piece in their mouths and immediately hummed in delight. 

“Quite delicious,” Minerva remarked and Albus nodded in agreement as they moved onto the next bake which was Severus fucking Snape’s. 

They didn’t like it. Good. 

Next was the red-headed woman across from Remus and they really seemed to like it, stating it almost near perfection. Next came a brown-haired woman that Sirius’s hand tensed at when they got to it, causing Remus to frown. He hadn’t seen the man interact with that woman at all. Interesting. 

After the brown-haired woman (Remus should really learn all their names), they moved onto the black woman who was stationed in front of Remus and they also really enjoyed hers, and then it was Remus. He gripped Sirius’s hand a bit tighter. 

“They all look very neat which is good, let’s just hope they taste as good,” Minerva remarked as she put a bite in her mouth, Albus following suit. They hummed in approval. 

“Quite delicious,” Albus remarked. “This one is going to be hard to judge I can see,” he continued and Remus had to school his face from beaming. But Sirius gripped his hand tighter which made Remus squeeze back. 

James was after Remus and he did well but he had thirteen inside of twelve. (Sirius thought James would say something like ‘Well I should get extra points, right? It could’ve been eleven instead of thirteen.’ Sirius would have replied, ‘I think you’re just shit at maths, mate.’) A tanned girl with chestnut brown hair was after James and like Sirius, they looked very messy but the flavor was good. 

“The cream is a bit too runny for my taste,” Albus commented and Remus sighed. This is not easy for anyone and it was only going to get harder. Minerva and Albus were picky. 

They moved onto Lucius’s which weren’t even topped with whipped cream which made Remus smirk, and then they headed onto Alice who’s were satisfactory it seemed. And they ended with another guy who appeared slightly mousy and even his picture on the altar conveyed a strong sense of panic. He did what Remus would describe as a ‘meh’ job. 

And then the judging. Remus kept waiting for his name and he held onto Sirius’s hand tightly and he couldn’t tell who was sweating more. Unsurprisingly, Lucius was last, then Severus, the mousy-looking boy, named Peter, was tenth, followed by the person with the chestnut brown hair, named Marlene, was ninth, followed by the first guy, Frank, then Alice, the woman that made Sirius tense up was named Andromeda and she was sixth. Sirius tensed up again and stayed that way when he was announced to be fifth. 

“Sirius, overall a good set of bakes, just a bit of a mess,” Albus noted and Sirius smiled with a nod. 

James was fourth and then came the top three which hadn't registered yet that Remus was in. But he quickly realized as Sirius squeezed his hand tightly and Remus held his breath. 

“In third, is this one,” Minerva said, gesturing to the bake with the photo of the redhead who’s station was across from Remus’s. “Lily, a really good bake the sponge could be just a bit wetter.”

“These two were really hard to decide between, it was a really a toss up but in second is this one,” Albus stated and Remus raised his hand. Second in the technical! What the fuck! Is this the same Remus he woke up as this morning?

“So that means Dorcas, you are first,” Minerva smiled at the woman’s who station was in front of Remus and Lily leant forward to congratulate her and so did the guy named Frank. She was shocked. 

Remus, Dorcas, Snape, and Lucius all got called for testimonials and again, Sirius was bitter. They had a few more things to film just to wrap up the day but either way, he was going to get a pint with Remus and James. But gods, what a day! He had a pretty good signature and he did well in the technical! And he made friends with the hot guy who sat in front of him! Maybe Bake Off is exactly what Sirius needed to turn his life around and to start actually living happily and not in his family’s shadow. It’s only been two days and he already feels like a different person and as long as he doesn’t muck everything up with the showstopper, he feels pretty confident he’ll make it to the next week. 

He was packing up his things and also taking out some things he would be using for biscuit week next week just as preparation when Remus finally came back over. “Hey, mate! You did bloody amazing!” Sirius said happily and Remus beamed at him. 

“Thanks, Sirius! You did really well, too!” he answered and Sirius grinned. 

“Oi, Remus! Remus Lupin!” shouted a voice from across the tent. It was the redhead Lily that James was absolutely smitten with already. 

“What?” he asked, his face neutral as she stomped over to him, an unreadable expression clouding her face. 

“You and Dorcas, are you two some kind of wizards or something?” she asked, sniffing afterward and Remus grinned at her. 

“What, jealous?” he asked, poking a bit of fun but the reddening of his cheeks was absolutely noticeable and Sirius smiled carefully to himself as he watched the exchange. 

“Jealous? Me? Absolutely not,” she scoffed. But she smiled after. “Congratulations, you and her seem really fantastic at baking.”

“Hey, you do too,” he answered softly and she smiled at him. 

“Yeah well, I was only complimenting you to make you more comfortable so you’d let your guard down,” she shrugged and Sirius watched Remus roll his eyes. 

The two of them almost seemed like him and James in the sense that they immediately hit it off. There was no bite behind their words or actions, they were just banting with each other. Sirius felt a green ugly monster want to rear its head in the back of his mind but he quickly shut the door on it. He did not know Remus and he certainly did not know if he was even into blokes. Sure they held hands during the judging of the technical but it was just a high stakes situation. It didn’t mean anything. 

“You’re Welsh, aren’t you?” she asked him and Sirius saw the honey-haired man nod out of the corner of his eye. “Could tell from the accent, eh. Well, I’m from Cokeworth, you know in the midlands. I reckon the train comes by both our stops so if you want a friendly face to sit by tomorrow, just shoot me a text. And maybe we could grab a quick cuppa in town before shooting in the morning,” she offered and Remus seemed to light up at the suggestion. It left a warm feeling spreading in his chest. 

“That’d be nice! Here, let me give you my number,” Remus answered and both of them pulled out their phones, exchanging numbers and laughed. 

“I’m gonna name you Wolf McWolf in my phone,” Lily snorted and Remus playfully glared at her. 

“Uncalled for, ginger,” Remus shot back. “Just for that, you will be Little Red to me,” he grinned deviously and she scoffed back at him. 

“Hey, there chums!” James’s booming voice interrupted and Sirius was grateful. He was growing tired of watching the two of them flirt or whatever. Yes, he was bitter. Yes, he was a petulant child sometimes. It came with the territory, he was used to getting what he wanted and he wanted Remus. Gods, he’s a mess. 

“Ugh, you,” Lily sneered but there was no real malice behind it, Sirius noted. “What is it that you want?” 

“The lads and I were going to grab a pint when we wrapped up here. I suppose you wouldn’t want to join us, Evans?” James inquired, his eyes shining brightly and when she snorted, his face fell a bit. 

“Not tonight, we have the showstopper tomorrow. It’s rather immature of you to get a drink after today, you couldn’t wait till tomorrow?” she pointed out and James shrugged. 

“We could also go tomorrow if you wanted to join then,” the brown-skinned boy offered eagerly and Lily tried to stop the smile from growing on her face. 

“Well, we’ll see four eyes. If the three of you make it through tomorrow, then I will think about grabbing a drink with you lot,” she snorted and James was back to full-on grinning. 

“Oh I think she’s challenging us, mate,” Sirius finally remarked, glancing over at his new friend who nodded solemnly. 

“It would appear so, perhaps tonight we should practice one more time at my place,” James offered and Sirius couldn’t tell if he was serious or joking. 

“Alright, everyone! That’s a wrap! See you all bright and early tomorrow! 8 am sharp!” Sluggy called and all of the contestants broke apart and finished getting everything ready for tomorrow. And then he headed out with his new best friend and his new crush. Bake Off was getting interesting.

~

Remus woke up the next morning with a fond smile already on his lips despite the ungodly hour of the morning he was awake at. The night before had been really fun for him and they hadn’t gotten drunk at all really, just enough to feel a slight buzz but with the promise that no matter what happened today, they would go out again after the showstopper and get properly smashed. Remus was looking forward to it. 

He changed quickly and headed downstairs, kissing his mum on the cheek as he entered the kitchen. “Toast for my boy,” she said sweetly and Remus gave her a quick smile before stuffing a piece in his mouth. 

“Nervous, fab?” (Nervous, son?) his dad asked from his usual seat at the table, the morning paper open in front of him. 

“Ddim mewn gwirionedd, yn ddideimlad yn bennaf,” (Not really, mostly just numb.) Remus answered easily, being completely truthful. His nerves felt fried from yesterday and he knew he practiced as much as possible the weeks following up to the competition. He wouldn’t say he was ready and he also wouldn’t say it would turn out well or he was super confident. But he’d made as much peace as he possibly could with the weekend. Whatever happened would happen and he wouldn’t be able to change. (That’s not to say he wouldn’t be a mess during the actual competition, he figured it was kind of calm before the storm.)

He finished off his toast, grabbed his bag and rushed to the door so he could hurry to the train station. He couldn’t afford to be late. 

“Let us know if you’ll be home late,” his mom called and he called back an acknowledgment. 

“Hey Little Red, hopping on the train right now, second cart from the front,” Remus sent the message as the train pulled up to the station. He had only arrived a mere 30 seconds before. 

Lily texted back immediately. “Sounds good, Wolfie. See u in a few.” Remus smiled and settled into a seat, taking out his headphones and shuffling his guilty pleasure playlist that’s filled with Britney Spears and Lady Gaga. 

Lily joined him at the Cokeworth station and he quickly hid away his phone with the incriminating playlist and struck up a conversation. “So, you’re from Wales,” Lily stated and Remus raised an eyebrow. 

“So I am,” Remus agreed.

“Speak Welsh?” she asked, light in her eyes and Remus snorted. 

“Siarad Saesneg?” (Speak English?) he shot back and Lily grinned. 

“Wicked,” she gasped. “What’s it like? Wales, I mean. I’ve never been despite it being just across the way,” she asked and Remus shrugged. 

“Green, small, Welsh. I live just outside of Cardiff and the city’s rather nice. If I’m being honest I do love it, I just wish I could get out for a little,” he sighed. 

“Like, uni or something? I mean I get it though, Cokeworth is small and everyone knows everyone. It’d be nice to get away but I can’t exactly afford uni,” Lily revealed and Remus looked at her for a second before nodding. 

“Me too,” he answered. “I’ve always wanted to go, I love learning, I love studying, I love reading but, uh, we can’t afford it either,” he finished with a mumble and Lily gave him a piercing look. He felt uncomfortable. He knew his scars were noticeable and he knew people would always have questions but it wasn’t their business. 

“I say go for it. We both should, money be damned,” Lily retorted finally and Remus raised an eyebrow. “You’re what? 21? I am too, it’s not too late, it’s never to late,” she continued and Remus smiled. 

“How’d you guess my age?” he asked and she snorted. 

“Didn’t you know? I’m a Seer,” she joked and Remus laughed. “By the way, did you know that Severus lives just over the tracks from me in Spinner’s End?” she added on and Remus tried not to let his mood turn sour. He didn’t want to talk about that dickhead.

“Oh how interesting,” he mused carefully and Lily’s face turned hard. 

“The guy is a prick. We used to be friends, you know. When we tykes, inseparable and all that. But he changed and I tried hard to forgive him and help him but he’s just a slimy git,” she huffed and Remus glanced over at her. 

“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely and she shrugged. 

“Past is past, it’s just crazy to see him here after a couple of years of not seeing him and knowing he’s still the same twat he’s always been,” she sneered and Remus nodded.

“I had… a… friend like that,” Remus bit out, trying to keep himself under control as he thought about Fenrir fucking Greyback. 

“I’m sorry, too then,” Lily said softly and Remus smiled at her. 

“Eh, you know, past is past. A guy tries to rape, permanently disables you as a result, and then you beat the shit out of him. Casual, right?” he offered with a flimsy smile and Lily laughed. He was glad she did. 

“You’re a right riot, mate,” she said. “At least you got him back and gave him what’s coming. Fuck that guy,” she continued and Remus scrunched his nose. 

“Yeah well, now we’re on fucking Bake Off and Snape may be here too but there’s no way he’s winning. Not with you on the show too,” he offered and Lily rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah I think you’re more of the threat to be completely honest,” she answered and Remus smiled a toothy grin. 

“We’ll both give him a run of it,” he compromised and she smiled back at him. 

“Deal.” 

Remus was sure he and Lily would take the train to the tent together every morning they could. He was sure he’d just found a friend forever considering they’d just had a heart-to-heart at 7 in the morning on the way to a baking competition. Plus she shared part of her chocolate scone with him and he’d always been a sucker for chocolate.

~

Marlene got to the Bake Off grounds earlier than most, the only other person there was Frank Longbottom and they had a very brief but friendly exchange of hellos. Marlene just wanted to get there early to clear their head a bit and focus on the task at hand. They’d practiced their cake sculpture for weeks and they knew exactly what they needed to do in order for it to succeed. As long as there weren’t any major catastrophes, they’d be fine. 

They were sat on a tree stomp only a small distance away from the tent when Dorcas Meadowed showed up out of nowhere and plopped down right next to them. “Morning,” Dorcas drawled out with too much pep in her step for 7:41 in the morning. 

“Hullo,” Marlene answered with a very small smile. “Lovely day innit?” they asked and Dorcas scrunched her nose. 

“Yeah, it is. But it got even better with you in it,” she answered and Marlene immediately blushed. Was this flirting or was she like this with everyone. 

“I could say the same for you,” they answered cheekily. “But maybe if you brought me a coffee next time, it would be even better.”

Dorcas smiled. “Oh so, I’m not enough? Need coffee too? Alright, fine. How’d you take it? Black? Cream? Sugar?”

“Black,” Marlene answered back with a playful grin. “One sugar.”

“Oh that sounds gods awful,” Dorcas gagged and Marlene giggled. 

“Hey, to each their own,” they snarked and Dorcas rolled her eyes. 

“You nervous for today?” she asked and Marlene shrugged. 

“Yeah, I mean I think it’d be weird if I weren’t,” they replied and Dorcas nodded.

“Me too, but also. Not really? I don’t know I guess I just feel confident,” she continued on and they nodded along. 

“Yeah, I think that’s a good way to describe it,” Marlene concluded, smiling at Dorcas who smiled back. 

“Wanna get a drink after today?” Dorcas asked and Marlene snorted but nodded at the same time. 

“Yeah, I really do,” they answered. “If you’re interested I packed a joint in my bag, we could share if you want,” they continued and Dorcas lit up at the suggestion. 

“Sneaky little thing, aren’t you?” she laughed before saying, “Yeah, that’d be nice. Need something to take the edge off with this competition.”

“Precisely my thoughts,” Marlene smiled and Dorcas smiled right back. Gods, they wanted to kiss her so badly but it’s been less than two days of knowing each other and that was way too forward. But still, the want was there.

~

James and Sirius showed up to the tent together as Sirius really did spend the night at James’s place. James was oddly kind and perceptive to Sirius’s weird moods when his home life was brought up and he had made a genuine offer for him to stay the night. 

“That is if you don’t mind the lunacy of Godric’s Hollow,” James had snorted and Sirius grinned.

“No, I very much welcome lunacy,” he had replied and that was that. Sirius met Fleamont and Euphemia Potter and spent the night in the bedroom next to James. They hadn’t practiced the showstopper challenge like James had suggested earlier in the day but even if they wanted to, they would’ve been able to, considering the size of the Potter’s kitchen. It would send Wahlburga Black on a fucking rampage.  

They took their stations easily and Sirius admired Remus from behind as the guy took a spot at the station in front of him, just like the day before. “Still on for tonight?” Sirius asked quickly and Remus turned around to smile and nod. 

Sirius took a glance over to find James trying to chat up Lily again and he held back an eye roll. The guy was an absolute disaster but he seemed to thrive on being that way which made Sirius appreciate him even more. He, too, was an absolute disaster. 

They settled in quickly after that and the cameras started rolling as Minerva, Albus, Sluggy, and Hagrid all walked in. 

“Welcome to your very first showstopper!” Sluggy called out and Sirius leaned forward on his station, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear that fell loose from his bun. “Albus and Minerva would very much like you to make a sculpture of your favorite world monument out of cake. It can be the Eiffel Tower, the Statue of Liberty, the Great Wall of China, anything you want but it must be made entirely out of cake and your landmark must be decorated to the highest degree,” he explained and everyone stared at him.

“Yeh have three and a half hours! So on yer marks!” Hagrid boomed. 

“Get set!” Sluggy chimed.

“Bake!” the two hosts called together and Sirius rushed to start his bake. 

Sirius ran through the process of making his batters very quickly, double-checking that his oven was preheating. He was briefly aware at some point that the judges were making their rounds and they were standing in front of Remus who was explaining his sculpture. He caught words like ‘Northern Wales’ and ‘Devil’s Bridge Fall’ but he was too focused on pouring his batter evenly to be able to entirely hear the explanation. 

Just as he was ensuring the pans of batter were even and ready to go in the oven, he was interrupted. “Sirius! How are you today?” Sluggy asked cheerfully and the man smiled at the two judges and the host. 

“Hello Minerva, Albus, Sluggy. I’m well today, a bit nervous, but okay,” he answered and they smiled back at him. He bent down to put his sponge batter into the oven. He needed them in as soon as possible. 

“What are you preparing for the judges today? Where are you taking us?” Sluggy asked and Sirius held back an eye roll.

“Calais, France. I’ll be sculpting the Calais Lighttower out of raspberry and vanilla elderflower sponge with chocolate buttercream holding it together and fresh-made fondant covering the outside,” he explained and they nodded, obviously wanting more about why he chose the Lighttower. “My family, they have strong roots in France and I used to go there at least twice a year with them. I always loved Calais and the Lighttower is so beautiful, I hope I pay it homage well,” he continued and they seemed satisfied.

“That sounds lovely and you seem to have a lot to do so we’ll let you be,” Albus conferred and Sirius nodded his thanks before running to start his buttercream icing. 

Before he knew it, there were five minutes left and Sirius was honestly not very pressed for time. He’d had some banter with the bloke behind him, Peter, as well as Remus which kept the mood light and calm (despite Peter’s obvious nerves and lack of time management; he seemed to be a good artist though). He didn’t have any trouble constructing the tower thankfully and the hardest part of covering it in fondant went better than it did when he’d practiced. All that was left was to imprint the brickwork of the tower with a toothpick and paint on some cracks with black dyed buttercream. 

“Bakers, your time is up! Please step away from your bakes!” Sluggy called from the front and Sirius took a deep breath, taking in his full creation and feeling rather proud of it. It looked like a Lighttower and it was standing upright. He just hoped it tastes good. Sirius looked past his own bake and saw Remus’s and was astonished. It was amazing, it looked like he’d painted all the colors of the waterfall and greenery onto the buttercream. And there was a bridge made out of chocolate work that was spectacular. Unless it tasted like horse shit, Sirius was positive that Remus would be Star Baker. The guy was bloody brilliant. 

“That looks amazing, Rem,” Sirius gushed and he saw him blush while muttering a quiet thank you as they settled in for the judging to start. 

They started with Marlene and went up her row. Sirius watched as Andromeda displayed a beautiful Eiffel Tower and tried not to seethe as she got glowing reviews. He liked Andromeda, she was always his favorite cousin but she was still part of his family and he did not do well with family. Thankfully, neither of them had tried to make contact with each other and that’s how he really preferred it. 

James had a beautiful Taj Mahal but apparently, his flavors were a little lacking and Severus’s looked pretty terrible but apparently tasted great. It was a shoddy Big Ben and Sirius thought him to be a prick. He’d never had a conversation with the guy but he just seemed like a fucking douchenozzle. 

They went down Sirius’s row and that bloke Lucius who’d been mucking everything up had a lackluster showstopper and Sirius couldn’t even make out a church building let alone the Norte Dame, Alice’s was average it seemed to be, Dorcas’ received rave reviews and Remus’s received glowing remarks about design (as it should’ve). They liked the taste of it and Remus was absolutely blushing on his walk back. It was a great look on him. 

“Sirius, would you please bring up your monument,” Sluggy encouraged and he stood for his moment of truth. Honestly, if anyone besides Lucius was booted this weekend, Sirius would be shocked but needless to say, he didn’t feel too particularly nervous about judging. He didn’t know if that was good or bad.

“Well it certainly looks fantastic,” Albus remarked. “Very tall.”

“Yes, the fondant looks well made and it’s homemade?” Minerva asked and Sirius nodded. 

“Yes, it is.”

They sliced through it and the whole thing remained standing, thankfully. They inspected his sponge thoroughly. 

“Both looked to be well baked and the buttercream is nice and smooth,” Minerva inspected. The raspberry sponge is a brilliant pink and the vanilla elderflower sponge looks quite airy. Let’s just hope we actually get the elderflower flavor along with the vanilla,” she continued and Sirius watched as they put a piece in their mouths. 

Albus hummed. “That raspberry is quite lovely with the chocolate buttercream, sharpness and sweetness both come through really well,” he said simply. 

“Yes, I quite agree and it’s a beautiful texture, a wonderful bake on this one. Now for elderflower and vanilla,” Minvera remarked, taking a bite onto her fork, Albus following her lead. 

After a second she sighed, “Pity. The elderflower doesn’t come through at all really and the vanilla flavor is very overpowering.” Sirius nodded. 

“It’s a bit dry too,” Albus added and he nodded again. 

“Thank you,” he murmured, waking forward to receive his bake and head back to his station. 

Peter was last and he did fine but not good and that was that. They had a quick break while the judges deliberated, all of them gave small testimonials and then they convened back in the tent for the final judging of the week. All of this was a whirlwind for Sirius, he was dead on his feet but he was still ready to go out for the night with Remus and James.

“This week, I have the pleasure of announcing Star Baker. This baker seems to have an eye for chocolate and a hand for design. Remus, you are this week’s Star Baker,” Sluggy announced and Sirius leaned over the person named Marlene and patted his thigh, congratulating him as he sat there absolutely awestruck. Lily patted his head in congratulations and Sirius sat back in his seat. 

“Now I ‘ave the very, very, very sad job of telling yeh who’s leavin’ us this week. I tell yeh, I don’ wanna see any of yeh go and I barely even know yeh!” Hagrid exclaimed, almost crying it seemed like. “This week, the one who’ll be leavin’ us is…” Everyone held their breath but Sirius felt as though it was more for show rather than actual nerves. It could only be one person. “… Lucius.”

Lucius stood up and gave a curt nod and sneered a little but everyone still stood and gave hugs for the week as was tradition on the show. Albus and Minerva went around and congratulated everyone, gave advice to those who seemed to need it, praises to those who deserved it, all while Remus was bombarded with hugs and Lucius was not approached at all very much.

~

It took too long for the camera crew to call cut on the day in Remus’s opinion but he did cry when he called his mom to tell her he got Star Baker. He honestly couldn’t believe it, he really thought Dorcas deserved it more than him and told her so. She told him to shut up and be more confident in his abilities. 

But now, he was heading into the nearby town with James and Sirius to grab a quick drink and maybe get drunk. He was going to get drunk. For sure. Especially with Sirius and James, they seemed to be the types to get absolutely hammered when possible. Lily had in fact tagged along like she said she would and she brought Marlene, Dorcas, and Alice with her. 

Remus got progressively more drunk and closer to Sirius throughout the night. Alice left rather early, Marlene and Dorcas spent the entire time talking with each other and Remus almost asked why they hadn’t started making out yet. (Honestly, he might’ve said it later in the night but he was a bit too drunk to fully remember.) James and Lily were talking almost the entire time and she had a hard time pretending to be annoyed by him, even when he really was annoying. 

Sirius and Remus spent the entire night talking and he’s pretty sure Sirius told him his whole life story and Remus was also sure he told Sirius his but he was even more sure neither of them would remember in the morning.

Near the end of the night, Remus sent his mum a text that he wasn’t coming home because he was staying the night at one of the other contestant’s houses with a few other people. Lily made sure Marlene and Dorcas got home safe, promising that all three of them would text in the giant group chat they started at the bar. And then he settled in bed with Sirius and James, all three of them muttering drunken nonsense. 

“Guys, I have work tomorrow,” Remus murmured, his cheek pressed against Sirius’s arm. 

“You can’t go Moony, you’re Star Baker,” Sirius slurred and Remus laughed a very drunk laugh that was all deep and stomach-ish. 

“Moony?” he asked.

“Awhooo! Wolf Wolf,” Sirius murmured back. “Moony.”

“Doggy,” James drawled and Sirius pushed him a bit. “Sirius star, Canis Major,” he explained weakly. 

“Not Doggy,” Sirius huffed. 

“Toebeans,” Remus said flatly. James snorted loudly. 

“Absolutely not,” Sirius growled. 

“Padfoot,” James stated easily and Sirius huffed as Remus cheered. 

“Padfoot!”

“Wha bout me?” James slurred. 

“‘Ou got big ears and you get tha-.. tha-.. you know…. ahh-face like that… thing,” Sirius said in an extremely unhelpful manner. 

“Oh, I know like the uh… animal.. that..” Remus added trailing off and James let out a noise of impatience.

“What?” he whined, drawing it out as his new friends were being extremely unhelpful. “Moony, Padfoot,” he cried and both other men laughed but Sirius hiccuped loudly causing Remus and James to laugh again. 

“Hm, Prongs,” Sirius said, snuffling further into the pillow of James’s bed, perfectly content between his two friends. 

“Hm yeah,” Remus agreed. “I have work tomorrow,” he said again and James reached over and pushed on his arm. 

“Shu up, Star Baker,” he grumbled. “Tell them no. We have bacon here and you live in fucking Welsh,” James murmured, pressing his face into his pillow. 

“Wales,” Remus corrected. “Bachgen ceirw mud,” (Dumb deer boy.) he muttered. James said something absolutely unintelligible 

“Hmm quiet, sleepy time,” Sirius yawned and neither of the other two boys said anything as they both thoroughly agreed. It was indeed time for bed. 

And Remus did not end up going to work the next day, instead, he spent the day extremely hungover with his two newest and best friends: Padfoot and Prongs. He loved Bake Off before, but now he absolutely adored it. 

[crimsonbluemoon]

8, 6, 32 w minicat pleeeease! :D

Okay, last of the drabbles and this one is a doozy. >.> Like 10 pages long, ugh. But Grace deserves it cause she’s been my rock during these drabblez and really helped me commit to getting them done. Thank you so much for your support! Please enjoy this as my thanks. 

AU: College 

Trope: Fake dating

Prompt: “Shut up for a second, will you?”

Pairing: Minicat

Tyler wasn’t stupid; he knew he was one of the last choices people thought of when needing help with something on campus. In his defense, he was busy; his parents’ low income meant he had to have a full time job while also maintaining a high GPA for his scholarships for his overly priced college. His classes were tough, never wasting time on filler courses when he was paying thousands of dollars to attend. It meant hours of homework after long shifts, sometimes all nighters. He didn’t have the time of day to breathe, nevermind think about others. Brock, probably being too understanding of a roommate (Tyler didn’t give a shit what anyone thought of him, but Brock’s sad eyes always hit him far too hard to ignore), never pushed him to engage in extra socializing or unnecessary events. Brock’s dumbass boyfriend tried (seriously, how did Brian manage to swindle Brock into falling in love with him? Gross.) to provide Tyler with ‘the college life’, which was harder than getting water from a rock. 

But even Tyler wasn’t a big enough dick to miss Brock’s birthday party. 

At least the venue was nice; Tyler swirled the water in the fancy glass while he leaned on the country club’s bar, watching the large group of strangers mingle. Brian came from money that far exceeded Brock and Tyler’s wildest dreams. Brock almost never allowed Brian to spoil him, which had been a different experience for Brian. It still bothered Tyler how lost Brian first looked when they both turned down his money for ‘hanging out with him’. Tyler had seen his flustered roommate refuse to let the rich brat pay for a two dollar water bottle once. So when Brock had finally, finally caved enough to let Brian pay for his birthday party, Brian didn’t hesitate to go over the top. Every person who Brock had ever met seemed to be at the event, filling the room with hundreds of people. 

Tyler hadn’t bothered following his roommate when Brian pulled him somewhere twenty minutes ago. Honestly, knowing those two, he didn’t want to see what they were up to. Brock had morals, but Brian was a charmer. He used it for teachers, police, and anyone who had eyes and the smallest of hints of attraction toward men. Seriously, Tyler had seen Brian give far too many straight guys a gay panic for it not to be seen as a freaky mutant power. Brock was helplessly in love with Brian (seriously, why?), which meant he was even more likely to fall for any of Brian’s sneaky schemes. 

Especially when it resulted in sex. 

“Ugh.” Scrunching his nose at the thought, Tyler took another swig of his drink before scanning the crowd again. So far, the event had been pretty tame, which was saying something for Brian. His parties were always over the top for all the wrong reasons. If the police weren’t called, it was seen as a failure, according to Panda. But Brock had asked Brian to make the party alcohol free, and like the sucker for pretty brown eyes he was, Brian had agreed. 

Tyler glanced down at his phone again, wondering when Evan and Panda were going to show up. They were the only friends he bothered with when Brock hung a sock on their apartment door. Evan had texted saying they’d got stuck in a late lab and had told them he’d be coming late. So Tyler, lacking the only three (and a half; Brian was okay when he cooked breakfast) people he actually liked at the party, was alone. But what the fuck else was new? It was better that way. He knew that too many people would just distract him from was important. His grades, his future, and his goals in life. So what if he spent more Fridays alone than with people? That his phone could go three days without a text? That he hadn’t gotten laid in over a year? And so what if some nights, his stupid heart wondered what it’d be like to have a disgusting relationship like Brian and Brock, to be pointlessly cared for and overly adored-

“Really, you should go.” The voice that cut into Tyler’s self-loathing made him frown, refocusing his eyes to pinpoint where it’d come from. Two seats down from the bar he’d inhabited alone (because who would wanna hang out at a bar with no alcohol?), a guy that Tyler recognized looked stiff when staring at another leaning completely into his space. It took a second for Tyler to realize who it was; Craig was a high school friend of Brian’s, and had become one of Brock’s good friends when Brian and Brock started dating two years ago. Craig also went to their college, making a name for himself despite the thousands of students. He was always busy, invested in way too many clubs and groups between his classes. They were so different, that Tyler saw no reason to befriend him. 

Except Craig had tried to get to know Tyler. Despite being busy and having far too many social groups for Tyler’s liking, Craig had actually always made an effort to create small talk whenever they bumped into each other. They weren’t friends, really; maybe acquaintances if Tyler was being generous. Since Craig was Brian’s best friend, he was around more often than Tyler was comfortable with. 

Because Craig was good looking, flirted worse than Brian, and was just a damn distraction. He was someone that could yank Tyler’s attention from important homework or project’s due dates to argue about how ‘culturally important’ The Office was. Sometimes he got Tyler to explain what he was working on, which devolved into little conversations about their lives that had nothing to do with the original topic. Craig learned about Tyler’s complicated relationship with money, while Tyler heard stories about Craig’s struggles with depression. He knew about Craig’s promiscuous years when he was a teenager, which led into the conversation of how both discovered their bi-sexuality. One time, Craig’s eyes shined with excitement while he told Tyler all about his dream of becoming a marine biologist.

Tyler had barely finished his term paper that night.

In a little over two years, Craig snuck his way under Tyler’s skin like a weed. Each time Tyler swore he wouldn’t let Craig get his attention (because he had to stay focused), the busy body made it a point to prove him wrong. Brian had mentioned Craig to Tyler a few times when trying to get him to come out with their group, like he was some bargaining chip. Like Brian knew something that Tyler didn’t. 

It annoyed Tyler how often he ended up at those events.  

Normally the first to wear a grin far too big for his face, there was no sign of a smile now. Craig’s body language was telling Tyler all he needed to know about the predicament; these two were not friends. “Does Brian even know you’re here? Because I doubt Brock invited you.” 

“I’m a plus one of a friend. The new boy toy seemed to forget my invitation in the mail.” There was a cockiness in the stranger’s voice that instantly pissed Tyler off, his eyes narrowing as the conversation continued.

“Yeah, maybe because you’re Brian’s shitty ex-boyfriend, and he’d rather eat shards of glass than see your face again. And Brock’s not a boy toy; they’re actually in love. I know, new concept for you.” Craig’s snark was coated in a sweet tone that seemed to rub the ex the wrong way, though Tyler got a small chuckle out of it. Craig was always presented as cheerful and energetic, but one on one talks proved there was more sarcasm than sweetness. He was Brian’s friend after all.

“You think Brian’s going to actually manage to keep an innocent guy like that? We both know he’s far too self-destructive for that kind of happily ever after. Why do you think he always comes back to me each time?” Okay, Tyler could conceed he wasn’t always the nicest to Brian, but he also knew the guy wasn’t trash. Brian was good for Brock, as annoying as that was. And this punk was really starting to push Tyler’s buttons. 

“Brian’s happy, actually happy. Brock wants him, not his wallet, and you’re not ruining that. So you need to leave, now.” Craig’s firm words didn’t have the effect that he wanted, and Tyler felt his teeth clench when the other man stepped into Craig’s personal space, posturing. 

“Don’t think you can really make me. Last time didn’t go so well for you, did it?” This guy had muscle, and was obviously taller than the man sitting on the bar stool. Craig’s lips looked tense when they pressed together tightly, but Tyler could pick up on the slight flinch of his shoulders. This guy didn’t just bother Craig; he scared him. He was trying not to show it, but Tyler was sure it was a well known fact by how cruel the smirk on the other man’s face was. “How’s your arm, by the way? Fractures can be a pain in the ass, so I’ve heard. Still got that pop in your shoulder?”

“It’s fine.” The tone was quieter than before, and Craig pressed closer to the stool’s back, Still, his eyes shone brightly with defiance, unwilling to lower. And after a moment of tense silence, Craig surprised Tyler when his lip rose in a half-cocked grin. “How’s your dad? Divorces can be a pain in the ass, so I’ve heard. He still got that freckle on the tip of his-”

“You fucking slut.” Tyler was out of his seat before the guy could raise his fist, catching the punch inches from Craig’s face. Craig let out a surprised squeak, but Tyler didn’t look back when he used the contact to shove the man back, stepping between him and Craig.

“Don’t even think about it.” He didn’t need to posture or present himself as intimidating; his broach shoulders and tall genetics already did the work for him. While this guy had looked impressive in front of Craig, he wasn’t nearly as intimidating when compared to Tyler’s glare and tense shoulders. 

“Who the fuck are you? His boyfriend?” The words were snapped off like an insult, as if the guy thought dating Craig was the worst punishment someone could have. From the corner of his eyes, he picked up on the wince behind Craig’s glasses, knowing he’d heard the same disgust Tyler had. Craig’s sexual history wasn’t hidden knowledge, though how much he’d changed since high school seemed less known. Sighing, Craig pushed out of his seat, shoulders dropped in shame. Like maybe he agreed with the scumbag.

“He’s-” 

“Yeah, I am.” In a move that was far more suited for Brian, Tyler reached out, snagging Craig’s hip and yanking him closer. It was impulsive and fucking stupid, but Tyler’s heart lost track of it’s beat when feeling Craig’s warm body meld against his. It felt like a perfect match, with Craig’s head bumping against his collar bone before settling into the crook of Tyler’s neck. He let his arm drop around the waist, keeping Craig plastered to him to support the act he still wasn’t sure he wanted to perform. “Is that a fucking problem, asshole?” 

“Tyler…” Craig’s lost tone didn’t sound right for the man who two nights ago gushed about the astrology compatibility on Tyler’s couch. He tried not to focus on how annoyed that made him, burning his glare into the man who now snorted.

“Oh, wow. You really want to claim this trainwreck? The kid’s had more people in him than the New York subway station.” The insult was tossed out without hesitation, like it was used far too often in correlation to Craig. The body against his tensed for a second before going limp, the words sucking whatever fight was left in Craig’s body out. And Tyler didn’t know anything about this situation, shouldn’t have cared about Craig’s happiness or the weird past these two had. This was Brian’s drama, Brock’s fight, Craig’s problem. It didn’t mean shit to Tyler, had no correlation to his future. Because it wasn’t his job to help people. 

But that excuse wasn’t good enough this time.

“You talk about my boyfriend like that again, and I’ll knock your fucking teeth out.” He added no growl or movement to his threat, making sure his words were clear and deadly in their presentation. His hand squeezed the hip under his palm, letting the line between pretend and reality blur for a moment. “He’s mine. I don’t care what people think of us; I don’t give a fuck what he did before me. And I ain’t worry about anyone else coming after me, cause I’ll make sure he doesn’t need to find someone else. If those idiots couldn’t keep him satisfied, that was their loss. I don’t have a problem in that department. My only problem at the moment is you.”

“I never fucked-” But Tyler didn’t want to hear what this asshole had to say.

“Out of respect for my roommate, I’m not beating the shit out of you for hurting Craig before. But I’m really losing my patience. If you ever come near Craig again, I’ll make sure they don’t find your body. And since my boyfriend likes that dumbass Brian, he tends to hang out with him alot. Enough that you might bump into Craig if you bug him. That would be a bad day for you. You understand, or do you need specific details?” 

Tyler didn’t interact with people often, but he sure as hell knew how to threaten someone.

“You-whatever. Brian’s not worth this shit. Enjoy your five minutes with Craig while it lasts.” Tyler could hear the fear in the guy’s voice when he turned tail, but he didn’t let his eyes move away from the glare he’d pinned on him since the threat. 

“Your dad’s dick is small!” Craig’s shout at the guy retreating made Tyler roll his eyes, sending a look that made Craig smile sheepishly. “Well, it is.” 

“I don’t need to know that,” he answered, feeling the chest against his ribs vibrate with Craig’s laugh.

“Aw, come on. You know what you were getting when you made me your boyfriend.” Craig’s smile was a nice change of pace, and Tyler’s arms pulled him closer without thought. A moment of surprise passed through both of them, Tyler unsure why he hadn’t dropped his hold on Craig’s waist. He knew the guy was long gone, and their act didn’t need to continue. Yet his brain and body didn’t seem to be on the same page. Craig looked pleased at the lack of distance, curling a hand on the back of Tyler’s neck. But the hesitant bite of his lower lip proved that the bravado wasn’t fully felt. “Rumors are gonna start, you know. If you’re looking to get yourself out of this alive, we shouldn’t be so close.”

“I already said I don’t care what people think of us.” 

“But that was when-”

“Shut up for a second, will ya?” Tyler sighed at the headache that was forming behind his eyes. This was why he didn’t deal with people. “If it’s going to bug you or whatever, then we can make sure Brian spreads it was a joke. But I don’t have a social life, and I really could give two fucks what anyone but my teachers think about me. And if having people think I’m your boyfriend keeps assholes like that from harassing you, then use it.”

“You don’t mind? You really don’t mind being labelled as my boyfriend?” There was a spark of excitement in Craig’s tone when his eyes looked up at Tyler with an awe that made him squirm in discomfort. He felt his face flush at the attention, his stomach twisting in a way he couldn’t explain. 

“How many times do I have to say that I don’t care-” 

And then Craig was kissing him. The suddenness of the lips on his made Tyler’s mouth part in surprise. Craig took the opportunity to deepen the kiss and hum in pleasure. The softness of the tongue against his was mind-numbing, Tyler unsure how to counter the skill that Craig used. But after a second, he decided he needed to try. The fingers trailing lightly along the back of his neck during their leisure kiss had goosebumps rising on his skin, Tyler’s hands yanking Craig closer to feel the smaller body flush against his. The slight wiggle of Craig’s waist against his own proved the movement was appreciated, and Tyler only broke the kiss when soft lips sucked his tongue in a way far too familiar to an act he didn’t want to think about in public. 

“That was nice.” Craig’s grin was pressed to Tyler’s slack lips, his breath even as he dropped a small peck between his next sentence. “We should definitely do that more to sell this whole boyfriend thing. Maybe in a bed and with less clothes on. A snapchat or two, you know, commit to our roles and such.”

“Jesus Christ.” He wanted it to sound exacerbated, not breathless, but it was obvious he missed his mark when Craig tossed his head back and laughed. Tyler stared down at the bright smile of his… something, arms tightening to keep Craig close. Unsure how he had gotten there, he only knew one thing for certain.

He was never helping someone out again.