#eddie lives au

[italiansteebie]

I could teach you waking up in my t-shirt.

also on ao3 (preferred format) 2.3k Words

Steve Harrington has a really cool T Shirt. 

It was the exact type of shirt no one would expect him to wear, it was soft, and worn, and the design looked hand made, and sometimes there was a long, dark, curly, strand of hair stuck to it, like the person who made it left a piece of themselves there. 

Dustin didn’t know where he got it, or how someone like Steve came across a shirt like this, but any time he asked about it, the teen got… Defensive. 

Once Dustin asked Steve if he could borrow it, and Steve freaked out, like properly freaked out. So he stopped asking about it. It was a little strange how protective Steve was over the shirt, and how he never seemed to wear it to school, or outside of his house. He had to wear it somewhere though, because more often than not that long, dark, hair would be present, and Dustin knows for a fact Steve washes the shirt. 

So where did he get it?

What exactly does “HellFire Club” mean? 

Is it a band?

And Dustin asked all these questions only to be met with a nervous silence from Steve, which was unlike him. So, he stopped asking. There were more pressing matters than Steve’s shirt, like demodogs and Russians under the mall, and the fact that the girl Steve works with somehow knows him better than Dustin, all of a sudden. 

He’s not jealous, though. Well. Not that jealous. But why does she get to know where the shirt came from, and not him? It’s Steve’s biggest mystery, and it was well kept. At least, well kept from him. He remembers the day clearly. He walked into Scoops Ahoy with Steve who already happened to be in his work uniform. He usually changes at work to avoid walking through the mall looking like a Naval monstrosity. He watches the way Robin Buckley smirks, like she’s let in on a secret, “No Hellfire shirt today, Steve-o? Trouble in paradise?” she asks slyly. “Haha. Shut up, Robin.” Steve replies through his teeth, strained. Dustin whips his head around to face Steve. “You talked to her about the shirt? C’mon, Steve! We’re friends!” Dustin whined. Steve pushed his head away, “You’re like, 5, this is grown up talk. Now get back to your mom, she’s gonna freak if you’re late for camp check in.” Dustin sighed, “Whatever. See you later, Steve!” They hugged briefly and Dustin left, the shirt and what Robin Buckley said about it, still rocking around in his brain. 

But then Dustin got back from camp, with a big ass ham radio, a new, very real, girlfriend, and a Russian interception. And suddenly, the t-shirt didn’t seem all that important. In fact, Dustin forgot about it until one fateful day. 

The first day of highschool. 

There he was in all his glory. 

Eddie Munson, and guess what he was wearing.

The shirt.

Steve’s shirt.

So Dustin made it a point to seek the guy out, and in his mission he found that HellFire was not a band, but a DnD club. And that only made him more confused, did Steve secretly belong to a party? And that’s why he never played with them? No way. The betrayal. 

So, Dustin infiltrates the group. 

Along with Mike, and Lucas. 

Because it’s a DnD group, and well… Will’s gone, and they still wanted to play. 

And they become a part of the group. 

It’s fun, and the way Steve’s eyes almost bug out of his head when he sees all of them wearing his shirt is absolutely hilarious. 

Dustin keeps the whole “shirt debacle” to himself. He knows that Steve was in HellFire and didn’t tell any of them. He decided to let him keep his dignity, and put the whole mystery behind him. The only strange thing was, that whenever he brought up Steve during their sessions, the rest of Hellfire got… Weird. Gareth, Jeff, and Grant would smile slyly in Eddie’s direction and Eddie would blush. Did they have some type of falling out? Eddie never seemed to want to talk about Steve, and Steve never seemed to want to talk about Eddie OR HellFire. Why were they pretending not to know each other? It was weird. 

Steve would pick them up from sessions, he and Eddie would share a short wave back and forth, and that was the end of it. It was still weird that Eddie’s hair seemed to get tangled in Steve’s shirt, even though Steve didn’t go to the meetings anymore. In fact, now that Dustin joined, Steve didn’t seem to wear the shirt at all anymore. 

So another mystery was upon him.

But then a cheerleader died, and no one could find Eddie. 

And all of a sudden his face was plastered on the news, his name becoming synonymous with ‘Satan’ and ‘murderer’ which Dustin thought was ridiculous. Eddie Munson was not a violent person, not by any means, in real life. As a dungeon master he could be pretty merciless, but. That was just a game. 

And the newest mystery revolving around Steve and Eddie was put on the back burner.

They found Eddie a few hours later in Reefer Rick’s boathouse, a suggestion made by Steve, the stress too high to consider how he could even know that. But then there was a bottle pressed to his jugular and sorry Eddie, but he needs Steve alive for this. So he pleads until Eddie drops the bottle, Steve’s eyes reading more concern than fear, but Dustin would think about that later. He watches Eddie as Eddie watches Steve be comforted by Robin, wiping the stray tears away, looking back at Eddie with a look that Dustin thought Steve could only give to girls… 

Unfortunately, as entertaining as it was, Steve’s love life was not the hot topic of the moment. So he moved on, and the events unfolded in succession of disaster, like they usually do when the upside down rears its ugly head. And all of a sudden Steve is telling them not to be cute, and Eddie says ‘Make him Pay,’ in a tone that anyone could hear, means something different. 

—

Nancy delivered the final blow, and Vecna was down. But there was a pit in Steve’s stomach. Something was very, very wrong. So he ran. Nancy and Robin were hot on his heels, shouting for him to slow down but he couldn’t. The scene came into view and Steve couldn’t breathe. Dustin was sobbing over Eddie’s prone body, bats from hell surrounding them. 

Steve could only run faster, he reached them, dropping to his knees. 

“Eds,”

“Stevie,”

“Don’t do that Munson. We’re getting you out of here. I swear to god. If you die, I’m going to fucking kill you.”  

And through his grief clouded brain, Dustin knew Steve meant what he said. 

From that moment on it was a blur, Nancy and Robin helped Dustin limp towards the gate, only looking back to see Steve lifting Eddie from the ground in what looked like sheer will. They’re going to make it out. He can feel it. He’s got to figure out the mystery. And maybe that was a stupid thought, but he was only 15, and that was what gave him hope. 

The gate that split in the Munson trailer was beginning to close, and it was a fight to get through, Dustin didn’t get to see the end though, because when his broken leg was met with the force of hitting the right side up, he passed out. 

—

He woke to a steady beep and a pressure holding his leg in place. 

He cracked open his eyes to see his mom sitting in the plastic hospital chair next to his bed, reading a book. 

“Mom?”

“Dusty,” She gasped, pressing the Call button, and reaching to grab his hand.

“E- Eddie?”

“I- I’m sorry baby.” And for a second, Dustin’s heart dropped, “He’s still in surgery. That earthquake really did a number on him. The doctors think he’s going to pull through.” Dustin breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, and Steve was admitted for his wounds. He’s in the next room over. They’re going to put Eddie with him as soon as he’s in the clear, Steve’s request.” With the news that his friends were okay, and the soothing motion of his mom brushing her hand through his hair, he fell asleep. The next time he woke up it was by a doctor, getting him ready to be discharged with strict orders of rest.

He ended up moving from his room, to making a home in Steve’s room. 

It was weird to see Steve in the hospital, unmoving, hair flat against his forehead. It almost brought tears to his eyes to think about his brother like that, the only thing keeping him together was that Steve was here, awake, and the heart monitor’s beeps were steady and reassuring. 

—-

It had been a few days, Steve’s wounds were healing nicely, and he was allowed to go home. 

Eddie had been cleared from the ICU and moved to a long stay ward. 

He was still asleep, but the doctors said that was his body’s way of healing. That’s what they said about Max too. They were confident both of them would eventually wake up.

Dustin had expected to see Steve around the hospital after his discharge, checking Max, and keeping up with his own check ups. What he didn’t expect to see was him and Eddie’s uncle Wayne in what looked like a heartfelt embrace. He didn’t really mean to eavesdrop, but he also didn’t move away. “He’s gonna wake up, son. I know he’s strong. And I know you’ll be right there waitin’ for him.” Wayne's gruff voice floated through the quiet hospital. Dustin didn’t realize Steve knew Wayne like that but, he guesses it’s from Steve’s secret HellFire days. 

He shook off the initial confusion and went to join the two men in Eddie’s room. They would sit and talk. Talk about Eddie, Steve’s interactions with weird customers, how Wayne was settling in to the new government provided house. Anything. Just to fill the room with sound, to let Eddie know they were there when he was ready to wake up. 

Dustin knew it was going to be an emotional day when Eddie woke up for real. 

He’d been opening his eyes, and saying one word responses for about a week now, and the doctors predicted he’d be starting to wake up for longer periods of time real soon. 

“S-tv?”

“Eddie! You’re awake, do you feel okay, can I get you any-”

“Slow down, boy.” Wayne said, resting a hand on his shoulder, Dustin pausing as he does. “Any pain, Ed?” 

“No,”

“Good. They got you on the good stuff.” Wayne chuckled. 

“Steve?” Eddie mumbled, and Dustin was confused for a moment, but he thought that Eddie was probably concerned about the guy that carried him out of hell. Dustin watched as Wayne smiled, “Your boys gone to get some coffee and chips for the kid and I. He’ll be back real soon.” His boy? Interesting… 

Dustin was close to figuring out the mystery, there was just one thing he was missing. He knew these things took time, but this was taking forever, when was he going to figure this out? And right as he finished that thought, Steve walked in. He handed Wayne his coffee and tossed Dustin his chips, floating around the room on autopilot. Wayne and Eddie both watched with familiar fondness, as though they had seen this before. Steve finally let his eyes drift over to Eddie, who was wide awake now, smiling in his direction. “Eddie.” He breathed, eyes wide. 

“Hey, Stevie.”

“Oh, you bastard! I told you not to be cute! I told you,” Steve’s voice cracked, 

“C’mere.”

Steve slumped over to Eddie, basically crawling into the bed with him, and cried against his chest. Dustin felt as though the solution to the mystery was about to be revealed, were they related? No way. Best friends? Secret Best friends? Perhaps… 

“I told you,”

“I know you did, baby.”

Wait. Baby?

And y’know, he shouldn’t have been so surprised at what happened next. 

“I hate you,”

“No you don’t.”

“You’re right,” Steve sighed, leaning up and pressing a soft kiss to Eddie’s lips, savoring the sweet reunion. That is until Dustin breathed in sharply, trying to be quiet so as not to disturb them, but instead choked on a piece of potato chip. He coughed and hacked, and Wayne clapped him on the back and handed him some water, and there was snot and tears running down his face. “Sorry,” He said hoarsely, still partially choking. “I didn't mean to ruin the moment I just-” Steve cut him off with a smile, “You finally put two and two together, huh? Guess I owe you five bucks, Eds.” Dustin watched them carefully. “What?” He asked, only slightly embarrassed at the implication that the two had bet on him. 

“Me and Stevie bet that it’d take us kissing in front of you for you to figure out we’re together. He thought you’d figure it out before that.” Eddie said, smiling through his words. 

“I thought you were smarter than that, Dust. You really let me down,” Steve teased. 

Eddie sighed, “When you saw me in the shirt I thought I had lost for sure, but you never really said anything about it.”

“I thought that Steve might’ve been secretly a part of HellFire…” He trailed, looking down sheepishly. 

Wayne barked out a laugh, “It’s okay, kid. I was bettin’ that you’d figure it out at their weddin.’”

And Dustin gasped at that. “Mr. Uncle Wayne, I'm hurt,” He said dramatically, a hand clutching at his chest. Wayne sighed, “Boy, you are just about as bad as Eddie.”

And both Steve and Wayne shared a good, long laugh when Eddie and Dustin let out simultaneous “Hey!”s. Dustin shook his head, but let a smile rest on his face. This was a better outcome than he could’ve hoped for. 

And if he’d heard Steve and Eddie’s “I love you’s” whispered back and forth as they all settled in for sleep, well. 

He’d just keep that to himself. 

[pukner]

I just had a thought sorry for spilling it here but platonic stobin s5 steve death with orpheus & eurydice-style plotline of robin pulling some improbable scientific and supernatural strings to get steve back and hahahahah um surprise eddie is there too & he’s been helping steve survive in whatever underlayer of life/death they’ve found themselves in because he’s been navigating it for a bit now

hey anon. Anon don't apologize can u please elaborate I'm losing it????

god, robin loving Steve so much she rends apart the veil between life and death. Maybe Steve dies in the Upside-Down. Maybe she feels like some part of her died with him. Maybe she was screaming as the gate closed, reaching out desperately for the other half of her heart, maybe she had to be held back, had to be told, robin, you can't bring him back. Robin, please, he's dead already, please.

Maybe it's like Robin died. Maybe she's the one doing the haunting. Maybe she's being haunted. She hears him laugh in her ear as she fumbles a conversation. Hears him hum his favorite song when it comes on the radio. She smells his shampoo in the breeze. She can't sleep, because sometimes she feels the weight of him against her back, like they're lying back-to-back again, like they did in Starcourt. Back when they were giggling children waiting to die.

Maybe she looks drawn and pale and won't talk to anyone. No one sounds right. No one gets it. She has a Walkman, plays his favorite song on a loop, like she's been cursed.

She hears his voice on the radio instead of Dancing in the Dark. She follows his laughter in the wind, bad dad jokes and terrible puns, down to the scar where the gate was.

She doesn't know how she gets through. All she has is Springsteen and his bat. She can't sleep without either. She doesn't sleep much anyway.

She wanders this corpse of a world, empty without Henry to fuel it, and waits. Sings Total Eclipse of the Heart in a stupid muppet voice. Sings Springsteen. Narrates all the things that have happened since the gate closed, but only the funny bits. The happy bits. Not that she's been there for them, but.

She hears him sing back, croaky and amused. She doesn't dare look. She hears him laugh when she fumbles the words. She can't hear to turn her head to where the voice is coming from. Can't bear to see nothing at all.

Slowly, she gets up and walks to the gate. She hears footsteps, someone singing with her, and she can't bear to look, and she's shaking and she thinks she might've lost her mind.

You sit around getting older, she whispers, voice hoarse. It's been hours, she thinks. Days, maybe.

There's a joke here somewhere and it's on me, Steve sings back, and he sounds real. And then--

I'll shake this world off my shoulders, someone else joins in, and Robin shakes.

Come on, baby, the laugh's on me, they all sing, and they sound like home.

She makes it through the gate on unsteady legs. She stumbles forward, into the burning sunlight, into a world alive. Nearly plants on her face, but then strong, real arms catch her. Someone laughs in her ear, warm breath on her face.

"Oh, Rob," says Steve, and she can feels his tears on her shoulder, "Oh, bud. I gotcha. I got--"

She spins around and hugs him, a sob ripping out of her throat. Another pair of arms encircle them, and she looks up. Eddie Munson, haggard and worse for wear, grins down at her.

"Heya, Buckley," he says, "Hope you didn't mind me crashing your cute little lovers' reunion."

"Gross," she says, instead of bursting into further tears, "We're not like that."

"Yeah," says Steve, tucking her face into his neck, where she can smell salt and iron and dirt, "She's, like. The other half of my heart or whatever, doesn't mean we're dating."

"Oh, good," says Eddie, brightly, from where he's plastered to the pair of them like a gangly limpet, "Because I've spent all of our shared undeath sucking face with the other half of your heart, Buckley, and that might make things awkward."

Robin snorts out a laugh, and alright, now she's crying again. She tightens her grip on Steve, listens to his heartbeat, feels the pulse in the hollow of his throat, the rumble of his chest as he tells Eddie Munson to shut the fuck up.

Her Walkman's still playing. She's holding her heart, and his annoying boyfriend. She's no longer haunted, no longer haunting.

[schrijverr]

CORRODED COFFIN COMES OUT IN SPEECH [Grammy Awards 2001]

A YouTube upload of the Grammy acceptance speech of Corroded Coffin in 2001 where front man Eddie Munson and drummer Gareth Smith come out.

On AO3.

Ships: steddie

Warnings: homophobia, self identifying use of the f-slur

~~~~

The video has the grainy quality that TV had back then, however, the hall filled with famous people and extra’s is still fully visible as it pans between different hotshots from 2001. Then it cuts back to the presenter, who says: “And the winner of Album of the Year isssss … Corroded Coffin!”

Cheers go up all around as the band comes up on screen, all of them have big smiles on their faces, pride shining through, as they get up to accept the award.

As the front man, Eddie accepts the trophy from the presenter, shaking the man’s hand as he takes it. With that done, he turns to the audience, the other members behind him to support him and partake in the acceptance speech that he will give for all of them.

Eddie leans into the microphone and says: “As always this one goes out to my Uncle Wayne as well as all the parents of the rest of the band and all the other loved ones. We couldn’t be here without you. We’ve won genre specific Grammys before, but to get this one is truly an honor.”

People already start to clap, thinking this is it. The band has never given long speeches before, limiting it to thanking the people they’ve always thanked, before leaving again.

However, Eddie doesn’t step away from the mic, instead saying: “This award isn’t just for us, we couldn’t have done it without everyone who worked on it and we thank them very much. The people we won’t be thanking, however, is out label.”

Gasps are heard all throughout the room as whispers start up. Reporters present lean in and the presenter looks torn between keeping them in time and maintaining what might go down as an iconic moment in TV history.

“You have opened many doors for us, but you have stomped down on one of our main principles and we won’t be silenced,” Eddie says loudly and clearly. “So instead of them I will be thanking my husband, Steve, who I love very much.”

The room seemingly explodes, but Eddie keeps talking: “And we also dedicate this to all the queer kids out there, who are growing up alone. We see you, we love you, we are standing by you and we are a part of you. I am the biggest fag there has ever been, as is Gareth here, and Corroded Coffin will always welcome you.”

“Thank you for the award,” he says and with that they walk off.

Eddie leads them, his head held high, award proudly held up to remind everyone in the room they awarded it to a bunch of queers. Jeff is right behind him, throwing up devil horns when a camera gets right up in his face, while Gareth behind him just flips it off. Closing the rear is Chris, who despite his gentle nature is an imposing figure, which deters anyone from coming too close.

In the background, you can hear the presenter struggling to get back on track, but no one is listening anymore, all eyes following the band.

They don’t return to their seats, instead walking out of the venue to make a statement. The cameras follow them as far as they can within the bounds of the program, seeing how a man with neat hair and a pressed suit that many have thought to be an assistant waiting for them by the door.

However, assistant speculation is immediately debunked as Eddie throws an arm around him and pulls the man close so they can share a kiss.

Naturally, the camera immediately cuts away, because showing that is definitely not okay for the time and program. With the cut away, the video ends.

COMMENTS:

Random User 1:

This was such an iconic moment in pop culture history, like I remember seeing this and being blown away

Random User 2:

be honest, who is here after the book lol

Random User 3:

Used to be a fan of them, but this is honestly disgusting, immediately stopped listening. Can’t believe they would be like that

Random User 4: Oh my god, literally no one asked! Stfu, homophobia isn’t a cute look Random User 5: and yet you’re still here commenting, kinda sus if you ask me…

Random User 6:

Like this if you were a fan before the twitter revival!!!

Random User 7:

This totally went down in the books! Greatest acceptance speech of all times, hands down

Random User 8:

omg I totally only just realized that the man at the end is steve and not some rando he kissed to make it stick lfdhgfjdgdjf I may be stupid lmao

Random User 9:

I’ve been a fan of theirs since the 90s, following them from before they were big. They have always helped me through the rough times and I still look to their music fondly. They so deserved that award and I am glad they were finally acknowledged!

Random User 10:

Ahw, I’m so emo that Eddie always gives a shout out to his uncle Wayne <333 crying

Random User 11:

Jeff is so underrated, he is always my favorite! Look what a cutie he is with his lill devil horns ahhhh, gushing!!!

[therandomfandomme]

Someone spots Steve walking with Robin on a boy day, coming out of the Munson house and nee speculations arise that Eddie is in a triad

The tabloids that are loosing their shit about rockstar Eddie Munson, bc he's been spotted around with a boy and later a girl, like full on making out both times, and while he doesn't like talking about his private life they know he has a partner that he talked about in interviews. And this is quite the scandal, it's plastered on every cover, yet there hasn't been a public fight, no one trying to come and cash in by doing an exclusive interview about being cheated on my Eddie Munson and they just don't understand. Meanwhile at home genderfluid Steve is reading the tabloids to Eddie as they lounge on the couch and laugh about it, bc it has always been Steve in the pictures, so the tabloids are claiming Eddie is cheating on Steve... with Steve

[steddie-as-they-come]

Eddie's hanging out in Family Video during Steve and Robin's shift, just being a general nuisance, when it begins.

The other two are talking in low voices in the back corner, discussing something Eddie can't hear. Normally he'd get up and go over there, insert himself into the conversation, command their attention, but he's too busy judgmentally rifling through Family Video's paltry horror movie supply to care that much.

He sneaks a glance over, and then he sees it.

Steve presses a kiss to Robin's forehead.

Eddie has to drop the tape he's holding before he does something stupid like break it out of jealousy.

And he knows, okay, he's heard it no less than eight million times, they're platonic with a capital P. That doesn't stop the little green monster in his chest from rearing its head.

It doesn't stop there, either. Eddie starts to see Steve kiss the rest of the Party. Simple little forehead kisses and temple kisses and kisses on the crowns of their heads, like he's their parent, which, well, he is. He does it when Dustin needs comfort. He slings an arm around Lucas and pulls him close for a kiss on the temple when Lucas makes a particularly good shot for basketball. He does it to Max, on one of her bad days. He even does it to Mike absentmindedly, who makes a feral screech like an angry cat before everyone starts to laugh at him. And of course, he and Robin are always all over each other.

But he won't kiss Eddie.

It's stupid that he expects it. They don't know each other. Steve's been with this group, been saving them from monsters and scientists and torturers for forever.

Eddie still wants in on it. If only to indulge his pathetic little crush on the former King of Hawkins High.

One night, Steve hosts a movie night, and Dustin invites Eddie along. He goes, because of course he does, and takes a seat on the end of the couch as Steve puts in the tape.

Eddie immediately forgets what the movie is, because Steve sits down next to him. His entire brain is a fuzzy kind of static that only intensifies when Steve scoots closer.

"Sorry," is the first word Eddie registers out of Steve's mouth, and he hastily tries to collect his thoughts. Steve moves closer, which doesn't help.

He peers around Steve and sees the kids all trying to squish onto the couch. "Scoot over, Eddie!" Mike shouts, and Eddie moves as close as he can to the arm of the couch. Steve follows, arm around him and thighs pressed close together.

Okay, then. Eddie can die happily tonight, apparently.

Something jumps at the screen, and Steve flinches.

Eddie learns a new thing about Steve that night. Apparently, when Steve gets frightened, he pulls everyone within reach towards him, like he's trying to shield them with his body. Eddie finds himself hugged to Steve's chest and has to employ breathing exercises to get rid of his new little...problem.

He somehow makes it through the movie without spontaneously combusting, a feat nothing short of a miracle. The kids run to the kitchen and Eddie can hear Dustin pick up the phone and say, "Hello, Paulie's Pizza?"

Steve sighs and gets up. "I did not say they could order pizza," he grumbles. He extends his hand to Eddie, and after a second of bewildered staring, Eddie manages to grab it and pull himself to standing.

Robin's sitting on the couch still (she had been on the other side of Steve), and she watches this interaction with an unreadable expression on her face.

Well, unreadable to Eddie, anyway. Steve and Robin proceed to have an entire conversation with just facial expressions, and Eddie is left in the dark about it.

Steve finally rolls his eyes and stalks into the kitchen. He distracts Dustin with a kiss on the top of his head, then steals the phone. "Hi, yeah," he says, and Eddie recognizes that voice as his King-Steve-takes-what-he-wants voice. "No, that's right. Two medium pepperoni pizzas and a side of garlic knots, yep."

He listens, then says, "I'll be over to pick it up," then places the phone back on the receiver with a click.

"I'm going to get the food." he announces to the room at large. "Eddie, you coming?"

"Sure?" Eddie slings his leather jacket from the back of one of the kitchen table chairs and slides his sneakers on.

The drive is quiet. Multiple times, it looks like Steve wants to say something, but he never does. When the two of them walk in to get the pizza, Steve grabs both boxes. "Can you get the door, Eds?"

Eddie wants to tease him about the new nickname, but he chooses not to, opting instead to nod and say, "Sure thing, Stevie." He pulls open the glass door and says, with a mock bow and a grand gesture, "Your majesty."

Steve rolls his eyes. "Thanks." He (finally!!) goes to kiss Eddie.

However, Eddie is not as short as the kids (and Robin) who Steve normally does this to. Eddie's pretty sure the kiss is supposed to land on his forehead.

It lands on his mouth.

Pretty shoddy kiss, as it were. Mostly, Steve kisses the corner of Eddie's mouth.

Both of their faces burn red. If not for Steve's sports-playing, monster-killing reflexes, the pizzas would be on the ground right now.

"Sorry!" Steve says, hurrying out to his car and tossing the food in the backseat. "Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking."

Eddie slides into the passenger seat. "Finally!" he says.

"What?"

Eddie rolls his eyes. "Steve, I've been the only one who you haven't been bestowing kisses upon for weeks now. Sorry if I'm excited to be included in the group."

Steve starts the car. "But...those are all platonic kisses."

Eddie scoffs. "What, and kissing me wouldn't be?"

Steve is silent.

"REALLY?" Eddie yells. "Wait, wait-" He leans over the center console. "Steve Harrington, if you wanted a kiss, a romantic kiss, you could have told me before cuddling with me all night!"

Steve sighs. "Fine. Eddie Munson, I'm going to kiss you romantically."

And he leans in.

Eddie's obsessed with the curve and dip of Steve's mouth against his. He greedily cups his hand against Steve's face, his other hand propped up against the center console. Steve tastes like the soda he was drinking earlier, mixed with something richer and deeper that's wholly, entirely Steve.

They break apart at a small crackle from Steve's inner pocket.

"Henderson," Steve says exasperatedly. "That kid is so damn impatient."

"Steve!" Dustin's voice comes from the walkie Steve pulls out. "Have you gotten the pizza yet?"

"Yes, you little shit, we're coming back now." Steve sighs. "Oh! Henderson, find Robin. Tell her it happened."

Eddie shoots Steve a confused look, but Steve just holds up a placating hand, a slight smile on his face.

"OH MY GOD STEVE!" comes Robin's voice on the walkie. "HELL YEAH!"

Steve cackles and leans back in to kiss Eddie, who happily accepts.

[hairmetal666]

TW for internalized homophobia and related bad decisions

Steve is 12 and he thinks about finding his soulmate all the time.

You're supposed to find them through touch; your life together will flash in front of your eyes. They're rare, though, soulmates. So rare that most people never find theirs. So rare that some people say they're made up.

Steve wants to be one of the lucky few. He wants it to be a true, unbreakable bond, a love he gets to have forever.

He wonders if he'll find his soulmate at school. He's popular, he thinks. Tommy would say they were popular. But Tommy's definition of popular mostly has to do with the number of kids he can get away with being mean to, and that's not really Steve's deal. Tommy is like a prey animal, the way he can find weaknesses.

There's a new boy at school. Steve doesn't know his name, but they have English together. He's too thin, with huge brown eyes, and all his clothes are too big. His head's been inexpertly shaved and he never looks anybody in the eye. It's only a matter of time before he catches Tommy's interest, and Steve wishes he could stop it somehow, but he's never been good at going against Tommy.

The day comes, of course. They're standing in the hall, the new boy walking towards them, head down, as always. Tommy nudges Steve says, "What a loser."

And Steve shrugs, starts to ask Tommy about football, if the Colts can make the Super Bowl, but the boy is nearing and Tommy is cackling.

"Watch this." Tommy sticks his foot out.

The boy doesn't react fast enough. He falls forward with a bitten off yelp, and Steve moves without really thinking, only knows he can't stand to see him fall. He catches the new kid beneath his armpits, Steve's thumbs brushing the soft skin his arms.

The world around him falls away at the touch.

---

He's sitting on the floor in the band room, Eddie--the boy's name is Eddie--next to him. Eddie's hair is a little longer and Steve's in a green polo he doesn't recognize, and he's never been in the band room in his life. They're leaning into each other and laughing and Eddie's so beautiful.

---

They're in the woods--Skull Rock, Steve thinks. Eddie's hair is curled and frizzed around his chin, and he's laughing, his cheeks pink, his dimples prominent. He tries to pull his hair in front of his face, but it's not long enough yet to reach. Steve is overwhelmed, wants to kiss him so bad. He's never had to wait to kiss someone, or been unsure, or--

He wants to kiss Eddie.

So, he does.

It's hard, desperate, not the first kiss Steve expected, but then they've been waiting for so long.

---

Steve stands in the hallway of Hawkins High. He's wearing a striped, beige short-sleeved polo, and flirting with Nancy Wheeler.

He likes Nancy, she's pretty and smart and fun. And it's easy. He can hold her hand. Can introduce her to his parents. Can take her on dates and kiss her in public.

She bats her big blue eyes at him, and he can't help but kiss her.

He pulls away gently, brushing his thumb against her cheek, and when he looks down the hall, Eddie is there, frozen. His mouth is wide, his eyes glassy.

Steve thinks the way his heart stutters must be what dying feels like.

---

He's sitting on his diving board, facing away from the pool. He smokes a cigarette and there's a bat studded with nails at his feet, what the fuck. Music thuds, shrieks and laughter seep into the cool night air.

He should be playing the gracious host. He should be having a good time. Instead, his eyes search the woods and he taps another smoke out of the pack.

"Harrington?" The voice makes him jump, hand flexing around the bat handle. "It's freezing out. What are you doing?"

He recognizes the voice now, doesn't turn, doesn't respond, can't stand to see another person he let down; another person who could call him bullshit and be 100% correct.

"Do you not have a jacket? C'mon, man."

Something warm settles over his shoulders, and he inadvertently breathes in weed and leather and cedar. He squeezes his eyes shut, like that will make the comforting, familiar scent go away. He'll have to move to shrug off the jacket, though, which would mean acknowledging Eddie's presence.

"Can you at least say something, Harrington? You're freaking me out."

"I'm fine, Ed--Eddie." The nickname falls from his lips too easily. He doesn't miss how Eddie flinches.

His hair is long now, down to his shoulders, brittle looking in the cold. He's wearing a t-shirt and worn flannel, arms wrapped around his chest for warmth now that his jacket is draped over Steve's shoulders.

Steve is an idiot. He's such an idiot. Chasing after Nancy when Eddie is--

"I'm sorry," he says. He turns to face his soulmate, then. "I'm sorry about Nancy, I--"

Eddie jerks back like he's been hit. "Fuck you, Harrington," he snarls.

---

He sits in the back of an ambulance, eyes swollen shut, face throbbing. He's wearing a sailor suit for inexplicable reasons, which is almost more upsetting than the ambulance. He smells like puke and something toxically sweet.

A girl is with him, one he doesn't recognize, but he feels deeply, instinctively protective of her. He holds her shaking shoulders tight, tries to whisper comfort to her through his busted and bleeding mouth.

He's pretty sure he has a concussion.

"Steve!" Someone screams over the sounds of the EMTs and firefighters, of the building burning and collapsing behind them.

Eddie bursts through the gathered onlookers and past the ring of police cars enclosing them. He's falling into the ambulance before Steve has a chance to react.

"Sweetheart," Eddie sobs. He tries to cup Steve's face, but his fingers flutter around the damage. "Sweetheart, oh my god. I came as soon as I heard. Are you--what can I--"

Steve stares at him--his hair falling from its messy bun, his cutoff Metallica tee, concern and love leaking from those brown, brown eyes--and bursts into tears.

---

They sit on the roof of his house, sharing a joint back and forth. It's chilly, bordering on cold, winter just on the horizon. They're laughing, leaning into each other, and Steve is--he's happy. Elated. Could float away with it.

Robin--Robin-- is in the bathroom, or maybe in the kitchen for snacks, and it's just them for now. They're looking at each other, smiles wide, eyes bright.

They're taking it slow. Steve knows it's important, after what he did. They talked about it, his abandoning of Eddie for Nancy, chasing what his dad told him was normal and expected.

He doesn't want to cross any boundaries, wants to do this right. How Eddie deserves. But they're leaning into each other and they're smiling, and he's so in love. Intoxicated with it, lost.

In the end, he doesn't know who makes the first move, just that they're kissing and it's like coming home.

---

He's in a building, a shed or something. It's musty and dirty, smells like oil and gasoline and a building left closed up too long. Eddie's in his arms and he's talking through hiccuping sobs.

"I didn't save her, Steve. I didn't help. I just left her there! She was broken in pieces and I--I--"

Steve holds him close, tight, squeezes his eyes closed to stop his own tears from falling. He never wanted this for Eddie, never wanted him involved. Thought he could protect him from all of Hawkins's terrible things.

They aren't alone. Robin is there, coming up to hold Eddie too, plus a redheaded girl and curly haired boy he doesn't recognize.

"We'll figure this out, Eddie." The boy promises.

"We won't let anyone hurt you. We know you didn't murder Chrissy," the girl says.

---

Steve is in a world he doesn't understand, and Eddie is his arms. Eddie is in his arms, and there's blood everywhere. He's not awake, he's not--his heart beat is soft and slow, too slow, and his breathing stutters, and Steve can't--

"Baby, stay with me." He begs as he runs across the dead and rotting landscape. "Eddie, please. Wake up, okay? Wake up for me. I need to--I need to know that you're alright."

Eddie stays limp in his arms.

"Please," he begs. "You can't leave me. We promised, remember? We promised we'd be together forever. The rest of our lives. Me and You. Our six little nuggets. You promised."

The portal back to Hawkins is less than a dozen feet away, he's so close. Eddie gasps to consciousness, but his eyes are still hazy.

"Hi, sweetheart," he mumbles.

"Hey, hi, you're doing so good. We're almost out, okay? We're almost out and we'll get you to the hospital."

Eddie reaches out a weak hand, touches the edge of Steve's jaw. "Love you, Stevie," he whispers. "Glad you were mine."

He goes still in Steve's hold.

---

The images come faster now--

A hospital room at Hawkins General, Eddie hooked to machines. Steve holds hands with an older man. They wait in terrified silence

Eddie propped in a bed, a bunch of kids around him, Steve and Robin at his side. His eyes keep sliding to Steve, like he's making sure Steve's real, that he's still there

Their bodies tangled together in a bedroom Steve doesn't recognize

Steve down on one knee in a marble room lit only by black and red candles, Eddie standing in front of him

Hand-in-hand on a cliffside overlooking the ocean. The Chief of Police, Jim Hopper, stands in front of them with tears in his eyes and a beaming smile on his face

In a big, green yard behind a cozy little house. A little boy with Eddie's eyes and curls riding on his shoulders. Eddie sprinting around with a tiny girl giggling after him, perfect imitation of the King Steve hair-do on her tiny head

In a park, surrounded by family and friends. Steve has a little bit of a paunch and wears glasses. Eddie's hair streams around his shoulders, going grey at the temples. There's a banner strung between trees proclaiming 'Happy 20th Steve and Eddie!' They're surrounded by everyone they love and it's perfect

---

The images flash too fast for Steve to catalog after that, seconds-long glimpses of a shared future, and then he's back in his body in the hallway of Hawkins Middle, still holding too tight onto Eddie's arms.

Eddie rears back, face pale and terrified, and Steve is too shocked to do anything but let him go.

Tommy's yelling, but Steve only has eyes for his soulmate, who scrambles to his feet and throws himself down the hall away from them.

"What the hell, Harrington? Why'd you catch him? That was about to be funny as hell! I bet he'd have broken his nose--you ruined it!"

Steve isn't listening. He's trying to hold on to the memories of their life together, the ones that are already fading.

The last thing he remembers is that, sometime in the not-too-distant future, he'll find his way to the band room, Eddie Munson, and the rest of their lives.

[stevieschrodinger]

Eddie runs the second he gets a chance, face still wet with tears. The branches whip him and the brambles scratch him, but he doesn't stop. He runs from the trailer, from the strange man there who says he's Eddie's uncle.

Eddie doesn't like how he can feel the breeze on his shorn hair, misses the way it used to tickle his ears and cheeks; it should be flowing behind him as he runs. It's not his fault he shifted into an Alpha wolf; he'd screamed and screamed when they'd shaved his head, but his father could not have him nearby. He's a threat to the pack now. To the leadership. He calls everything into question; Eddie had to go. He had to go far away.

He finally slows, scenting the air. Something good here. Something nice. Something that calls to Eddie's wolf. Something that smells of awesome and amazing and forever. The scent trails through the trees, and Eddie follows it to where the scent grows thick, and falls through the trees onto a perfect lawn.

Steve hates the stubble on his head. Rubs it again. Can feel his exposed scalp burning in the sunshine. He doesn't understand; it's not his fault he hasn't shifted. It's not his fault he was born without the wolf. He's been shaved to shame him, and he swears from that moment on that when his hair grows back he's going to take such good care of it. He will show them, wolf or no wolf.

It's just not fair, Steve wipes his tears and snotty nose, and tries not to think about the look on his father's face, "Steven you have disgraced the bloodline of our pack."

The way he'd turned his back on Steve, left him alone. He had no wolf to comfort him. Steve sniffles again, then startles when a boy comes out of the tree line.

His head is shaved, just like Steve's. He's got tear tracks on his face; just like Steve.

"Hello," the boy tells him, approaching like he hasn't just walked onto private property, "we're going to be best friends."

Steve nods, he could use a friend right now, and takes the boys hand.

Eddie comes back. He promises he will and he does. He comes back every day for weeks over the summer. They watch films and build forts and climb trees and play in the pool and explore the woods and lie on the lawn in the sunshine and Eddie never, ever asks why Steve's been left alone in this big house, even though Steve's only seven years old.

It's the end of the summer when they get caught, and Richard Harrington gets Eddie by the scruff and snarls something about "the Munson runt."

Steve screams, tries to follow them, doesn't understand what's happening or why Eddie's being taken away.

Eddie snarls back at Richard Harrington, even as he hangs from his fist, and Steve's never seen anyone do that, not ever, not anyone in their pack would dare challenge the alpha.

Steve, suddenly realises that Eddie must have a wolf.

It's too late.

Steve has the best hair in all Hawkins. They don't call him Steve 'the hair' Harrington for nothing. He taps the table, bored. Patsy is twizzling her hair and making eyes at him and he wants to fast forward and get through to boring date and to the mediocre fuck so that he can kick this girl out and get a decent night's sleep.

He cuts her off - goes to the bar. He's going to need a stiff drink to get through this.

The shock of being pushed over makes him cry out, the pain in his neck makes him yell.

Steve blinks awake in a strange bedroom, the side of his neck is throbbing. His shirt is gone, but he's still wearing his pants. His shoes are on the floor next to the bed. He touches his neck cautiously - it's been bandaged.

He can't remember much. Just falling, and pain.

Someone screaming.

He leaves the room carefully, slowly, creeps along the hall, follows the sound of voices. Doesn't make it to the open doorway before someone's coming out to meet him, she has choppy ginger hair and a big smile, "hey, I'm Robin, you doing okay?"

"Steve...and I've been better," he says, following her into a room for of people. A rag tag bunch of teenagers, some younger then Steve, some his age, and a handful of adults, all his parents age or older.

"You must have questions," and older lady says kindly, "I'm Joyce."

"Yeah...where am I and what happened and then probably another fifty after that."

Next to him, Robin snorts.

"You might want to sit down honey," Steve does, "so, first things first. The big thing is that...werewolves exist. They're real. We all turn into wolves."

Steve blinks.

"You're taking this...well."

Clearly these people have no idea who he is, and now is not the time to reveal that, "I'm...in shock?" He tries, weakly.

There's a ripple of reaction through the room, a lot of muttering and elbows, no one's buying it.

"Hmmmm." Joyce looks speculative, never the less, they carry on, "Robin?"

"We were out. For drinks, you know," she gestures vaguely at the group, "and Eddie he just, he just fucking lost it, he-"

"Wait wait wait," Steve might not have a wolf, but he can't ignore his instincts, "Eddie? Munson?"

You could probably hear a pin drop.

All the memories of that summer hit Steve at once. He focuses on the last one, Eddie being dragged away. Eddie fighting to get back to him. "I need to see him."

"Kid, he bit you. He tried to mate you, you don't understand what that means. He attacked a human, there's rules-"

And Steve might be a runt, he might have been excluded from the pack for over a decade, but he still knows the punishment for attacking a human. Eddie's going to die, and Steve will not let that happen, "absolutely fucking not. I'm a Harrington, and Eddie is my mate."

[oifaaa]

Outlaws Jason lives au you know the deal

[italiansteebie]

i desperately crave non american steve.

gimme italian stephano

french stephen

damn even Australian steve like can you imagine??

them moving to hawkins steve's freshman year and eddie immediately following steve being all like "oi, im gonna head to the servo for a bevvie. can ah get ya somethin?"

and eddie just... blubbering. "uh- i. im, gnarly. dude."

cut to a few years later steve meets the kids and by that time steve's accent has cut away significantly, and they don't notice until eddie wakes up in the hospital bed high off his ass from morphine asking steve to "talk austria" to him and everyone is highly confused and steve only makes it worse.

"right babe. as soon as we shoot through here we can get you right. maybe stop by maccas. good on ya almost dyin' babe."

"what the fuck was that."

"that was worse than when max first showed up from california."

"you can do an australian accent?"

steve scoffs. "gimme a pash and go back to sleep. you must be rooted, love."

their audience is still standing in confusion and steve pays them no mind, waiting for eddie to fall back asleep.

"steve." robin hisses once eddie's eye flutter closed. "explain."

they're all looking at him expectantly.

"i was born in australia. a real true blue. freshman year as youse call it."

he can almost see the moment it clicks for robin.

"oh my god! you're the australian guy everyone was freaking out over in 8th grade? shit. i was wondering what happened to him. that makes so much sense."

there's a grimace on little wheelers face.

"what pissed in your cheerios, mate?"

the grimace worsens.

"my sister talked about you ALL the time. it was gross when i didn't know it was YOU. now it's even worse."

"oh piss off, wheeler."

the rest of the group giggles, quietly launching into questions about australia, like can he surf? is everyone really always drunk? does the toilet actually flush backwards? what's the outback like?

steve sighs. thanks a lot, eddie.

[allthingssteddie]

Steve Harrington's mom tells him to bring a nice girl to their New Year's Eve party, he tells her he’s not with anyone but Steve's dad annoyed demands he bring someone and not like the other girls he’s dated. He threatens to disown Steve if he embarrassed him. Steve at this point doesn’t care anymore and decides to piss off his parents.

Steve approaches Eddie Munson at the Hellfire Club's table and Eddie's friends, including Gareth, give Steve dirty looks. Steve asks Eddie if he can come talk to him somewhere alone and Gareth tells him it’s not happening but Eddie, amused by Steve's request, agrees "What can I do for you, King Steve?" Steve cringes at the nickname but asks Eddie to pretend to be his boyfriend at his parents party and offers to pay him. Eddie agrees, but tells Steve it's going to cost him more then he’s offering they both agree on a price then that night of the party, Eddie arrives and charms Steve's father's business associates and boss. Steve's grandmother who Steve didn’t know that was showing up even shows Eddie how to cook.

However, Steve's parents are shocked and disapproving of their relationship. But try to keep it together because Steve’s dad boss thinks it great that Steve is gay and invites the whole family including Eddie to their vacation house. And I’m thinking the whole time Eddie and Steve are pretending to be together during this vacation they actually end up falling in love.

Also I can imagine one scene where Steve and Eddie are on his fathers boss yacht, and Steve sees Eddie with out his shirt and he’s shocked that Eddie is actually buff and he can’t help but stare and Eddie catches him and winks. And I would think Eddie couldn’t help but stare at Steve’s chest hair. Also their both over the top being lovey dovey trying to sell that their in love but at this point they actually are I would also think that they would be doing this to by themselves without them even realizing. Another thing I thought would be cute that Steve and Eddie have to share a bed but Steve offers to sleep on the floor and Eddie tells him there is enough room on the bed .

I love this idea so much I wish I could write this because I had so many ideas with cute moments. but I just don’t have the time with work unfortunately. And I wouldn’t want to have to rush this.

[schrijverr]

What a 'Your Mom' Joke Can Get You

Richie accidentally comes out on twitter. He has a panic attack about it, but his friends are always in his corner.

On AO3.

Ships: reddie

Warnings: homophobia mention, panic attack

~~~~~~~~~

Richie comes out on a whim. Well, not so much a whim as an accident, but a planned accident, or more well put, an accident that came from something he wanted to do, but never dared yet played so much on the background that he did it without taking a moment to reflect on it.

He’s scrolling through twitter, head resting on Eddie’s lap (who honestly should have stopped him, in Richie’s defense). However, Eddie himself isn’t a twitter person and isn’t paying attention to Richie’s giggles as he amuses himself on twitter, a common occurrence.

After their reunion, Richie took a step back from being in the spotlight. He stayed with Eddie as he recovered and went through his divorce at the same time, something that wasn’t easy. But now, two years after the reunion, Eddie is a divorcee and they are happily together.

About half a year, Richie slowly got back into the spotlights with the tweet: Rumors of my drug addiction have been vastly exaggerated

Later he went on an interview and explained how he got news of the loss of a close childhood friend, with whom he lost contact (Stan). And how another of his old friends got into an accident when they all met up and he has helped during his recovery (Eddie).

Overnight his story about drug abuse and rock bottom turned into one of loss, reaching out, and healing. It was crazy to see how people received him differently and it allowed him to change his stand up. To change views, write his own stuff, present himself differently.

He has been happier with his work and glad he gets to be more open with people without as much of the backlash he would have gotten otherwise. He has been able to shift his content and audience to a place he’s happy with. And with the support of Eddie, being in a happy relationship for the first time in his life, he has been playing with the idea of coming out as mentioned before.

With the new leaf he turned over, he’s become more active on social media, dropping the techno-inept dude for becoming hip with the kids and failing at meme’s in his own way. It was easier to ease back into the scene like that and built up a different audience before he went up on stage again, plus he found he quite enjoys memes.

One of his favorite things to do is to send them to the groups chat and watch no one but Beverly and Ben get them. The other Losers attempting to guess and failing miserably.

His other favorite thing to do, is to comment on the posts of random users that are obviously not meant to see the light of day or posting his own random thoughts on twitter. This is what he is doing on that faithful evening it happens (he would emphasize the it, but bad memories and all that).

He’s looking at funny tweets, commenting where he goes when he sees a post that claims gay people just flirt in the worsts ways. Richie snorts to himself and without think he responds: Uhm, excuse me, if I can get a boyfriend with my ‘your mom’ jokes then I don’t want criticism on my methods

Right as he presses tweet Eddie randomly starts groaning, so Richie locks his phone and frowns in concern. He asks: “Are you okay, Eds?”

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie says, choosing snark first, before saying: “My back is acting up. I’m going to lie down on the floor for a bit.”

“Want me to give you a massage?” Richie asks.

Eddie gives him a look and replies: “Really?”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Eduardo,” Richie says. “I meant an actual massage.”

“Oh, yeah, that would be nice actually,” Eddie tells him and Richie forgets all about messing about on twitter in favor of making sure Eddie is comfortable and cared for.

They make it an early night and since Richie doesn’t need to get up early, he leaves his phone near the couch. He snuggles into the bed with his boyfriend and is comfortable, unaware of the shitstorm that is happening on the internet.

The next morning he wakes equally oblivious. Eddie is already out on his run, because he is an insane person, so even weekends aren’t holy to him. 9-5 freak, Richie mentally calls him with a fondness that was unknown to him before Eddie. With that he gets out of bed and starts some coffee and breakfast for the two of them.

It’s not until he’s waiting for Eddie to come back with finished breakfast that he is bored enough to want to catch up on the world.

He finds his phone near the couch and vaguely remembers being on twitter before leaving it there, as he grabs it. His anxiety starts to spike, however, when he sees the thousands of notifications on his phone, trying to remember what his last tweet was. Maybe he accidentally tweeted slur mcslurton and he is getting canceled!

With shaking hands he unlocks the phone. The tweet he posted yesterday is still open on his phone, now with thousands of likes, replies and retweets.

Richie’s heart drops to his stomach.

Uhm, excuse me, if I can get a boyfriend with my ‘your mom’ jokes then I don’t want criticism on my methods

He tweeted that.

He just threw that out in the world.

He wasn’t thinking.

Without his consent his hands start to shake worse and he drops his phone as his breath starts to catch in his throat, the oxygen burning. Tears gather in his eyes and his vision blurs. His knees buckle and he sinks to the ground as he attempts to get his breathing back in check.

That is how Eddie finds him when he comes back, still a little sweaty, but satisfied from his run. He is humming and calls out a greeting to Richie, not yet spotting him.

Richie desperately tries to stop. He doesn’t want to worry his Eds. However, it’s no use. His lungs aren’t cooperating and when he greets back, he sounds out of breath and distressed, which is perfectly matched with mood.

He hears Eddie’s footfalls pause, before they speed up as they get closer to him. Concerned Eddie gasps: “Oh my god, Richie! Are you okay? What happened?”

“I-” Richie starts to answer, to explain, to soothe Eddie’s worries. But the words catch in his throat and he starts to spiral again as he thinks of what happened.

He hates how he is still reacting like this to something he was planning on doing at some point. It’s just that he hasn’t been able to check the reactions and his brain is working overtime to supply him with all the ways this can blow back up into his face. He wants to be queer and comfortable, but he isn’t fully there yet it seems.

Helplessly he gestures to his dropped phone, hoping Eddie can figure it out himself as Richie goes through his breathing exercises.

Eddie knows Richie hates being touched whenever he has a panic attack, so he sits down on the floor close to Richie, letting him know he’s there for him without distressing him more.

As he waits, he picks up the phone to check whatever happened to trigger Richie. Richie is glad that Eddie will be the one to break the news of how it’s going to him, that he doesn’t have to see the hate himself. Even if he does feel a little bad about making Eddie see it and more anxious when Eddie gasps as he sees, before clicking more.

Richie ignores it best he can as he calms himself down, going through all the exercises he and his therapist worked on. Until, he feels well enough to crawl to Eddie and curl up next to him and ask him: “What are they saying?” in a meek voice.

“It’s a mix up between people who think it’s a bit and people who are nice. And some mean people, but those are a lot less,” Eddie tells him. “#UselessGayTozier is trending. Also, you have a lot of missed calls from Steve.”

“Fuckkk, he’s gonna be pissed,” Richie whines, hiding his face in Eddie’s shoulder, being comforted by his smell. Then he can’t help but ask again: “But there is truly not a lot of hate? I’m not, like, getting canceled or something?”

Eddie gives him a comforting smile and says: “No, you’re not being canceled, except by a few who think it’s a bit and you’re taking the shit out of gay people.”

“Rude, I am gay people,” Richie replies, feeling capable of joking now that he got the panic out of his system.

His sweet Eddie snorts at his admittedly shitty joke and says: “You’re an idiot.” Then there is a beat of silence, before Eddie tentatively asks: “How are you doing?”

After a moment of reflection, Richie answers honestly: “A bit tired and anxious, but better. I’ve been hyping myself up to do it, now I did it. That should be a good thing, right?”

“If you’re comfortable with it being out there than that is a good thing,” Eddie agrees. “I’m here for you, whatever you decide. If you want to deny and take it back, you can do that and I’ll still love you. We’re going to be fine.”

It is really comforting to hear it said out loud, even if Richie knew already. He and Eddie both had their own journey to being comfortable with their queerness and being together. So, Eddie would never pressure him to be out, hell, Eddie isn’t out at work.

However, there is more to Richie being out than Eddie being out. He sighs: “I don’t think I can take this back without looking a giant asshole, but thank you, Eds.”

Eddie doesn’t even protest the nickname like he usually does, just holds Richie tight and lets him gather himself. Just the two of them on the floor of their apartment, Eddie sweaty and Richie still sleep rumpled.

Richie leeches all the comfort he can out of Eddie until he feels human again. He’s sure that with enough time, he’ll find this hysterical. Perhaps he can even make a bit out of it for his new show that he’s working on. He lets out a groan at the thought.

“You okay?” Eddie immediately asks and Richie is touched by his concern.

“Yeah,” he smiles, “just realized I’ll have to rewrite a bunch of my show with this information known. I had a whole bit about dating your mom.”

“Fuck you, dude,” Eddie say as he pinches him, but he is also laughing as Richie squeaks and tries to get away from the attack.

“Breakfast is probably cold now,” Richie comments after a moment.

“That’s okay,” Eddie tells him and gets up, pulling Richie up as well, using the moment to check Richie over. God, he truly got so lucky with Eddie as his boyfriend. He never had someone care for him like Eddie does, except his parents, but even that was different.

Eddie cares deeply without making Richie feel incompetent or a chore. He just chose Richie and loves him, thus wants him to be alright. It takes his breath away.

Eddie cares by gently encouraging him when they work out together, by cooking healthy and delicious foods, by being there when the nerves get to him, by holding him when he wants to be held, and by listening to his comedy, giving genuine feedback, yet also compliments and the validation Richie has always craved. And Eddie is the one person who can keep up with Richie the best, both in banter and how his thoughts jump around.

Of course he cares about Eddie as well, but after his mother and then Myra, Richie knows better than to care in an overbearing manner. He’ll do chores, keeping the house clean as Eddie works, cuddle with him on the couch or in bed, help him with chronic pain, but back off if asked. He likes being able to care for Eddie like that, in a way that makes him feel safe.

They just care differently.

Right now, Eddie needs to be assured that Richie is okay and Richie needs to feel like someone will always be in his corner.

After Eddie has ensured Richie is truly as okay as he will be, he gives him a kiss on the nose that has Richie grinning like a loon. He manages to blink out of it and follow Eddie to the breakfast bar where they eat the cold breakfast.

All throughout Richie is distracted, but for once Eddie doesn’t scold him for being on his phone. He checks the damages, trying to gauge the reactions and come up with what to do next. He should definitely call his manager back. Fuck, Steve will have his head. But he’ll also help him with coming up with a statement or something.

Beyond twitter, he also has a bunch of message from people he hasn’t spoken with in forever reaching out now that he’s in the midst of a controversy.

Luckily, all the Losers have also reached out, both private and in the groups chat. It truly warms his heart and he feels so blessed that he has these people back into his life again. They were the pieces that have been missing for so long. The people who were meant to fill the loneliness.

He ignores most people that have reached out, but replies to the Losers, having his confidence boosted by their support. It’s such a nice feeling to know he won’t be alone again.

When breakfast is done, he bites the bullet and calls Steve, his manager. Anxiously clicking the button, not even having a few rings to steel himself as Steve picks up immediately: “What the hell, Rich! You could have at least prepared me for this stunt.”

“It was an accident,” Richie mumbles, feeling a little sheepish about it.

“An- An accident!” Steve exclaims. “How do you always manage to do this?”

“Steve,” Richie sighs, not in the mood to be berated. “I know I fucked up. I can’t take this back. I know, trust me. Lets just talk solutions.”

And Steve must hear something in his voice, because he drops it. Richie can almost picture him rub his forehead tiredly as he says: “Alright. So, it’s not too bad. But you need to say something. People are taking your silence and running with it. You need to confirm or go underground again and have a long while of no comment and I don’t know if you can manage that.”

“I think I need to confirm,” Richie says.

“Good, good, that’s good,” Steve sounds so relieved as he agrees, like he feared Richie would not want to, which would make his life so much harder. It makes Richie snort a little.

The snort lightens the mood a little, which Eddie picks up on. He quirks his brow up from where he’s seated close for moral support. Richie smiles and Eddie smiles back. That smile only hardens Richie’s resolve. So, he asks: “What’s the plan now?”

“We can go through normal media lines, but that gives you less control about it and most get their news from social media anyway,” Steve explains. “So, I think it’s best to get a message out there on twitter. You can do just do a conformation tweet, but you can also go video. Send it to me before posting it, please, Richie.”

“Ahw, don’t you trust me?” Richie pouts, playfully.

“No, I know you, that’s different,” Steve tells him, which is both fair and unfair. Richie has gotten better, but Steve has been there for all his lows and stupid shit.

So, he says: “Alright, I’ll let you check.”

“Good,” Steve nods. “Now, are you okay by yourself to figure this out?”

“Yeah, I have Eds as back up,” Richie assures Steve.

“Alright,” Steve says. “Call me if you’re stuck.”

“I will,” Richie promises, before they both hang up. And Richie is confronted with the silence that means he has to face the reality and do something about it now.

He’s broken out of his stare into a different dimension by Eddie nudging him and softly asking: “Hi, you doing okay?”

Richie looks up and grins, pushing Eddie’s sweaty hair up his forehead and says: “With you smelly presence here, I am fabulous.”

“Oh fuck you, dude,” Eddie replies, both of them knowing he hasn’t showered yet to support Richie emotionally.

“I love you too,” Richie grins, before assuring him: “You can go shower, sweetie-sweaty. I have to pick whether I want to put effort into this or not.”

“Asshole,” Eddie says, but he’s smiling again (not that Richie doesn’t love his little frown) and he goes to shower.

Richie sits down and contemplates. He could make a video. He is known for performances, so video should be his comfort zone. He also wouldn’t be bound to the character limit twitter sets. However, that would mean making a script and getting psycho-analyzed for his body language by randos on the internet. Plus, the idea of having the perform makes him want to vomit.

Text it is! He can just take a screenshot of his notes should it come to that.

Now to think of what to say. He already has decided that he wants to confirm. But should he explain? Should he give backstory? Should he be short yet sweet? Or try and be funny? And he mentioned his boyfriend, how does Eddie see this? Should he say something about that?

He opens the notes app on his phone and stares at it, before he decides to just start trying things and find what feels right. Starting with typing: Yeah, I’m gay lmao

It’s short and funny. It would give everyone the information to end canceling campaigns, but it wouldn't put him in a position to be open and vulnerable. Richie likes it, but the more he stares at it, the more it starts to feel dismissive. He doesn’t want to come across as an asshole, he’s already done that for most of his career.

So, he sighs and deletes the text, before trying again: Surprise, I am gay! No, I didn’t make it up for attention, please ignore it ever happened

That’s a little pathetic and vulnerable, albeit true. He wants people to know, he doesn’t care if they do if he’s quite honest, he just doesn’t want to talk about it ever. Okay, so maybe he’s not yet fully comfortable, but it happened and it’s more that he knows it will always be a topic and people are going to be invasive that bothers him, more than people actually knowing does.

He sighs and deletes it as well, staring at his blinking indicator on screen, before trying a different route: As you’ve all seen, I posted a jokey comment yesterday. It was not my intent to come out, the chance for comedy overtook me and I forgot I wasn’t out yet. But now here I am. Out. Hopefully everyone understands that this is not a topic I wish to comment on more for now, once I do you will all know, because gay jokes will make me unstoppable. For now, I will just confirm and go hibernate like a bear ;p

This is more honest and would be a screenshot of his notes to post. However, it makes him look like an idiot.

Hell, he feels like an idiot. Who the fuck forgets they’re not out? Him, apparently.

Fuck, he just likes talking about Eddie, alright. None of their friends ever let him forget how obnoxious they are now that they’re not both repressing how they’re feelings. They’re just that couple, who constantly talks about and teases the other. It’s a brand. He just saw the opportunity and took it, like he has done his entire life with jokes.

Before he can delete this version too, however, he is distracted by Eddie returning now wet from his shower. He sees Richie on the couch, still in his pajamas and asks: “You doing okay? Found something to post?”

Richie sighs and gestures to his phone as he says: “It all sucks,” before explaining his attempts to Eddie.

Eddie just listens as he explains, nodding along to show that he understands, that he is listening to his words. Richie can’t explain how much he appreciates that. Because, yeah, they’re often lovingly bullying each other, but they know when the other isn’t in a mindset to be teased. And Eddie knows that Richie never had many people willing to listen to him, how relieved he is that Eddie is listening to him, not dismissing him.

Plus, of course, Eddie is part of this conversation. Which Richie acknowledges and also hates about the whole situation. “I also mentioned you, well, not you-you, but a boyfriend, which does not have to be you, but people will speculate. And I don’t know if I should say something about it or not, because it can just encourage some people to pry.”

He cards his hands through his hair and heaves a deep breath, done with speaking and feeling a little empty after.

Next to him, Eddie gives a thoughtful hum. He is still nodding as he thinks, before he says: “Well, I don’t want to be mentioned by name and if looking into me could be discouraged, I would be in favor of that.”

“In favor of that,” Richie repeats. “Are you a senator or something? You don’t have to lobby here, we can make this together. It’s your life too.”

“Thanks,” Eddie gives a lopsided smile, before he exclaims: “But I totally could be a senator. I have the face.”

“Yeah, a generic white guy, who fits into corporate America,” Richie rolls his eyes, but he’s laughing. “They’d eat you up.”

“Hell yeah they would,” Eddie smirks.

There’s a natural pause in the conversation, before Richie says: “So, a note about not looking you up, got it. Let’s start again.” He grabs his phone and mumbles as he types: “Yes, this is my confession, or coming out, or whatever you want to call it. I am gay. However, before I go into my sob story, I want to state that I will not answer any questions about my boyfriend. I gave up a little privacy to become a public figure, he did not. Respect that.” Then he looks up at Eddie and asks him: “What do you think of that?”

“Little dramatic,” Eddie critiques.

“I am dramatic,” Richie guffaws, offended, before dropping the show. “Is it too dramatic?”

“Depends,” Eddie shrugs. “It fits with your personality, but you weren’t ready to come out yet and now you’re talking about telling your sob story? How far do you want to get into it?”

Richie sighs again, he’s been doing that a lot this morning, then tries to follow his own thoughts, made easier by verbalizing them. “I don’t know. I wanted to just post a quick confirmation, but then everyone will ask me about it. If I just throw the story out there and then hide until the latest scandal, then- I mean, I guess I hope they just forget to ask me anything about it.”

“Do you think that will work?” Eddie asks. He doesn’t know much of this lifestyle, tries not to be involved, so his only source is Richie.

“Depends on how interesting they find it,” Richie shrugs. “Right now they smell a scandal. They see ‘Comedian Richie Tozier Mocks LGBTQ Community’ on the covers of their gossip rags and while ‘Comedian Richie Tozier Comes Out as Gay’ is also a story, but its less of scandal than the first. If someone else does something noteworthy it will likely over shine it. But that is only when they don’t decide to pull up all my old work and try to cancel me over it or analyze me about it and try to dig into all the reasons I repressed myself.”

Now it’s Eddie turn to sigh as he wonders out loud: “Are they ever going to let you forget that? I mean, you’ve changed.”

“I know, but I know it was shit. People will always be mad about it,” Richie says. He isn’t proud of the sexist jokes he used to tell, who he hears them quote. He was an asshole and the people who he hurt can bring it up whenever they want in his book. He just hates it when the magazines come after him, trying to condemn him for things he is trying to correct. As if they don’t allow him to grow as a person, as if they have that power over him. It drives him mad.

“I don’t like that they keep reminding you of it,” Eddie still pouts. “You’re a braver person than they’ll ever know. They don’t know what you’ve been through. How much you’ve had to deal with, how much you worked on yourself. Derry sucked and it took all of us years to recover from it. Your stupid mistakes are just on the record.”

It does something with Richie’s heart to see Eddie so protective over him and he can’t help but place a soft kiss on his cheek. The texture of the scar under his lips feels familiar and it makes him all the more grateful that Eddie is alive. That he is here with him.

“What was that for?” Eddie asks, an instinctual smile on his face, making his dimples appear, which Richie loves so much.

Richie’s own face contort into a smile as well as he softly replies: “I just love you.”

Eddie melts besides him and says: “I love you too, you absolute softie.”

“Fuck you, you’re just as bad,” Richie argues with a smile. He likes this ribbing a lot more than the serious conversation from before.

“Am not,” Eddie protests.

“Are too,” Richie shoots back just to be annoying, even sticking out his tongue to go with it.

“I have never done anything soft in my life,” Eddie huffs dramatically.

“Yeah, right, tell that to the roses that got delivered to my dressing room the first time I went back on stage,” Richie says, recalling that memory with a wave of fondness for the man next to him.

“Shut up,” Eddie blushes, not meeting Richie eyes.

“Ahww, Eddie spaghetti, the cutest there is!” Richie exclaims, pinching Eddie’s cheek as he does.

“Stop it,” Eddie says as he swats Richie hand away, but he can’t hide the laughter in his voice as he does.

The action reminds him of their childhood. Of Richie annoying Eddie and Eddie pretending he hated it, while sharing in a blush. How they have been years in the making, even if they forgot each other for a long while.

Eddie has always been part of his life, part of the person he wants to be. Eddie keeps him grounded and makes him feel loved. Makes it feel like all those years of self-hatred, of loneliness, were worth it, because he gets to have this life with Eddie now. And he’d go through what happened a hundred times over if it means this is the outcome.

His past is part of him. It has shaped him, shaped them. He can’t forget that. Derry is intertwined with who they were, who they grew up to be. His reaction to the whole thing won’t make sense without that part of him, he can mention it.

“Where did you go?” Eddie asks, after a few seconds, having noticed that Richie’s thoughts drifted away to a different places.

“Yeah,” Richie smiles reassuringly. “I think I wanna talk a little about Derry in the post. Will you read it after I type it?”

“Of course,” Eddie says without hesitation. “Take your time.”

“Thanks,” Richie says, before setting to work crafting the message he wants to send out into the world. It takes a little time to fine tune it, before letting Eddie check it over and making the last adjustment.

With both of them happy he sends it to Steve to be checked over. He gets a thumbs up back after a few minutes, thus screenshots what he wrote and posts it on twitter. It reads:

Hi, if you’re aware of me enough to read this you have probably seen my latest (albeit hilarious and completely true) reaction to a tweet. It has sparked some controversy because I have never said that I was gay. And that is correct! I forgot I am not out and just saw the opportunity for a joke and took it, because – to put an end the rumors – I am gay. It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I am comfortable enough to joke around with my sexuality like this, since I grew up in a highly homophobic small town. Slurs and bullying have followed me for a long time and I repressed a lot of those feeling for a long time, hiding behind a facade of misogynist straight guy as to not raise suspicion, which I regret. However, I have been able to work through those feelings, helped by support from my friends and my lovely boyfriend. I am very thankful for them and glad I got to grow. I am very happy where I am right now, but coming out was an accident. I will likely not share more about it until I am more comfortable, thank you for understanding. I also ask you all not to pry into the life of my boyfriend. I have chosen to be a public figure, he absolutely has not, so please respect that. That is all I wish to say about the situation now.

He posts it with as caption: Tl;DR: yeah, I’m gay lmao

Once he’s done so, he texts to the groups chat that he’s okay, just turning his phone off for a bit and to text Eddie if they want to reach him, before putting his phone away. A part of him wants to religiously check all the reactions, the other part of him wants to put his fingers into his ears and lalalala his way into forgetting it exists.

Eddie takes him into his arms, saying nothing and just rubbing his back. It allows Richie to let himself be comforted without feeling like he has to do something, give a reaction. He can just exist with a far away stare.

It’s nice to lie like this and he’s glad this didn’t happen on a day when Eddie had to go to work. He honestly doesn’t know what he would do without Eddie.

“I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you too,” Eddie replies easily, planting a kiss on his forehead and holding him closer.

When lunch time rolls around Eddie gets Richie snapped out of it a little, not wanting him to disappear too far into his own world. Eddie cooks something nice as Richie scrolls through the messages of the other Losers on Eddie’s phone.

Beverly has shared some of the memes people made about the situation to cheer him up. His favorite is one reading: When the urge to make a gay joke is so big but you’re not out with the image of the bulging veins boy below it.

Meanwhile, Billy has gone through the pits of twitter to find nice encouraging messages from people to Richie, which nearly makes him cry, though he doesn’t say that. Billy himself has also posted words of encouragement on twitter, as did Bev.

Ben isn’t famous like Beverly, Billy and Richie are, but he’s just send encouraging words and offered his wood cottage if he needs to get away from bustling Hollywood, which he might take him up on if this ends in him being stopped in the street every time he goes out.

Mike isn’t famous at all, but that isn’t stopping him from being vocal, though not over text. He has chosen to pick fights with random people online, who are shitheads. Richie and Eddie are kept up to date about his shenanigans in the group chat.

At some point Richie sends Mike a text that it’s very sweet, but he doesn’t have to do that, because that might get hatred redirected at Mike.

To that Mike responds: Man, I have pulled you out of your life towards Derry and there you saved my life, of course I’m going to protect you from these assholes. Besides, they’re nothing against It and they have nothing on me. I’m out here exploring the world, they have to find me first if they want to come fight me.

It makes Richie again feel so lucky with his friends. They have all decided that Mike gave up enough, so they all sponsor him, so he can go see the world, yet Mike doesn’t let the time he was trapped in Derry make him bitter. He still loves them and this is how he shows it.

Somehow he is reminded of the time they were both stuck in the vision, back when they fought It as kids when they came together in the clubhouse to do the smoke ritual. Back then it was the two of them as well and they kept each other safe. In a way, they’re still living the echoes of then.

By the time lunch is over #protectiveboyMike is on the trending page right next to #UselessGayTozier.

A lot of people think Mike is the boyfriend. Mike denies it with the statement: I’m not, but what if I was? That a problem?, which only invites more reactions.

The whole thing makes Richie feel much better about himself. Just three years ago, he would have lost his mind at the idea of being out, of being comfortable with what has always floated beneath the surface. And he never would have believed he has the support system that he does. Yet, here they are. His friends. He feels like a very lucky man.

Eddie kisses his cheek, snapping him out of his musings. He says: “Had enough scrolling for today?”

“Yeah,” Richie says, feeling a lot better about himself.

~~

A/N:

Do y’all ever really panic and then ur like, done. Like, you can’t be bothered anymore, because you got all the panic out and now you feel a bit like a drama queen.

[ferra-to-my-faberge]

dumbass 1 and dumbass 2 <3

[glitter-stained]

Bruce in my Jason lives AU: Robin's mental state concerns me. He's been getting emotional on the field, what happened in Ethiopia took a toll on him and I'm still not sure whether or not he killed Garzonas. I'm gonna encourage him to meet other heroes his age and maybe build his own team, see if their good influence helps him regulate and keeps him on the right path!

Meanwhile Jason's newfound friend group:

Speedy (Mia Dearden): Confirmed kill.

Ravager (Rose Wilson): Several confirmed kills + the daughter of Deathstroke.

Kid Devil (Eddie Bloomberg): sold his soul to the devil, might become evil in the future.

Bruce: ... Jason out of curiosity what criteria do you use to select your friends?

Jason, who just wanted to meet his pen pal's other friends: ???

[steddie-as-they-come]

Steve Harrington sucks at kissing.

It’s something everyone in school knows. The King can’t kiss to save his life. He’s motionless, emotionless. It’s like kissing a brick wall.

And yes, he makes up for it in other ways, ways that let all the girls he’s with get past the weird kissing thing. Nancy’s not big on PDA anyway, so minimum kissing is fine with her.

The rumors spread, though. Girls talk to their friends about how they try to “teach” him to kiss, giving him gentle instructions murmured against his lips, to no avail. The movements are flat, jerky, like he’s being puppeted around on marionette strings.

He just can’t do it.

Robin teases him about it exactly once, early on in their Scoops Ahoy careers. But she sees how sad it makes him, sees how he twists the strand of hair by his ear around and around his finger (a nervous habit of his that she learns about much later), and resolves to never talk about it again. If only to get him to stop looking like she dropkicked his puppy into an active volcano.

When Steve starts dating Eddie, they don’t kiss much. Eddie’s not experienced, and he’s also not stupid. He heard the rumors in high school. The last thing he wants is for Steve to be forced into doing something he doesn’t want to do. And it’s really okay. Steve’s good with his hands (like, obscenely good), and he treats Eddie like a person, not a prize or a target. Bar’s low, but Steve’s still hurtling over it.

So it’s about half a month into their relationship when they kiss for the first time.

Eddie graduates, and Steve just gets so excited he yanks Eddie down an empty corridor in the school, picks him up by the waist and spins him around like a Disney princess.

And then he kisses him.

Eddie’s long hair is falling like a curtain around their faces, blocking out the whole world until it’s just them. Steve’s lips are warm, slotted perfectly against Eddie’s own, and his hands are braced around Eddie’s waist. Eddie feels his diploma fall from his hands, and he weaves his hand into Steve’s hair and tilts his head up, kissing him deeper.

Steve breaks away just then. Eddie chases Steve’s mouth with his own on instinct.

“Sorry,” Steve says breathlessly.

“What the hell are you sorry for?” Eddie demands in a harsh whisper. “I thought you were bad at kissing!”

“I am!” Steve says. “I got excited, sorry. I won’t do it again.”

“Why not?” Eddie says indignantly. “That was by far the best kiss I have ever had. Did you not like it?”

Steve looks like he’s running on autopilot. “No, it was amazing, I just… everyone says I’m bad at kissing. I didn’t want to make you kiss me.”

Eddie drags him close, slams him against the wall like he did in the boathouse, except this time with significantly more horny undertones. “You should keep that reputation.” Eddie says in a low tone. “I think no one else, but me, gets to know how good of a kisser you are.”

“Works for me,” Steve says, breath ghosting over Eddie’s lips, and that’s all the invitation Eddie needs to dive back in.

They end up scarring Robin when she comes looking for them, but that’s alright.

[youarethedancingdean]

Hear me out: Modern AU.

Succesful rockstar!Eddie, very loud and confident in his stage persona, shy af in his private life. Comes out as gay to his fans.

Shitstorm emerges, cause people think he came out for the clout and isn't really gay in the first place.

To calm the storm, management forces him to find a date for the next event he and the band are invited to: A stupid fundraising gala he didn't want to go to to begin with. (The fundraising part is not stupid, but the stuck up assholes are.)

Eddie can't find a date cause– remember?– he's shy af and doesn't know how to talk to people, let alone men who he might be interested in.

Cue Steve Harrington, an elite escorting agency's most popular and most elegant escort. Sure, Eddie pays a shit load of money and Gareth was probably just joking when he suggested it. But, he'd been high one evening and started researching and Steve was the hottest piece of ass he'd ever seen, so he booked him.

What could go wrong?

[wisteriasymphony]

wow 18 year old living in the agreste manor treated more of a successor to Emilie's identity than they are as their own person, has internalized their own worth as a body to be exploited, and makes trivial changes to their identity to separate themselves from the woman whose existence they owe themselves to my beloved(s).