#they either believe everyone else experiences it too and is just handling it better so they should also suck it up and deal

[e-the-village-cryptid]

the “everyone feels like this sometimes, it’s ok!” approach to mental illness was well-intentioned i guess but it did so much damage

[whispereons]

Oracle!Reader Part 17

Masterlist - Part 1, Part 16, Part 18

PSA: I'm going to go through my followers and report + block porn bots. Porn bots look like users who have nothing posted. So if you don't want to be blocked please put at least one post saying that you are human.

Warning! This has your good old violence! This is a SAGAU imposter au so this to be expected.

The ice in your calves throbbed as spikes of pain fried the nerves every time you shifted into a better position. That's not even counting how the arrow in your chest jostled and wedged deeper into your skin.

"Let's start with some easy questions, yeah? Like your name, date of birth, and occupation."

You wished Yelan would just ask the important questions only. It would make your life so much easier. Who knows what information you could give her here that unknowingly connects to what they know about the 'Creator'.

Yelan's expression turns neutral before she steps closer. Your body tenses in preparation before she grabs your hair to pull your head up. Hissing in pain, you glare at her with animosity.

"Don't overestimate your body, Y/N." She drawl's as if speaking to a child. "I could just remove this pretty little mask and bring you back to Liyue for those with... more experience to handle."

Was it a natural thing for Hydro users to threaten you with torture? The thought makes you wanna laugh but you gasp in pain instead as she releases your hair harshly.

You didn't have time to be a smartass. Your mask being removed was the worst thing that could happen. The only question was, should you admit to being an Oracle or not?

"My name, as you already know, is Y/N. I don't have a last name, or maybe I do and I don't remember it. Same situation with my birthday, I just celebrate it whenever I feel like it."

Genshin always sends you a gift in the mail when it's your birthday. It's a good guess that everyone knows your birthday, having the same birthday would be suspicious. What if it's like your face in which no one else can share the same birthday with you? Far-fetched but better safe than sorry.

"I'm an adventurer who signed up a few days ago. I have my handbook and commission list to prove it if you want to check."

There was a chance she knew about your Oracle job from when you had to stay at the Teahouse, but you won't offer that bit of information unless she specifically asks for it. Far too many of your own victims on Earth screwed themselves over when they revealed things only to learn you were shooting in the dark.

"Quite the convenient story. No last name or set date of birth means you must be from one of the villages. Name it."

Yelan gets comfortable resting against a tree as Shenhe stands close to you with a cold glare. The questions were still easy but you didn't want to be stuck here any longer. You needed an escape.

"I was born in Inazuma, one of the less-tamed islands called Kannzaku. But after the recent war, all the people that were still living either died or left. I chose to leave as well."

Yelan hums at that, you aren't sure if she truly believes it or if she's just making a mental note to look into it later.

"Then how did you manage to catch the Alcor of all ships to bring you here? They aren't one to take passengers along easily."

Has she been watching that early on or did she trace your path that far back? If so, she may even gain information about your time in Inazuma. Best to keep everything aligned with the most public knowledge.

"The Yashiro Commission helped me find a ship. I don't see how my upbringing in Inazuma has to do with whatever reason you have for attacking me."

Flexing your feet, you try to adapt to the pain. Yelan nor Shenhe were going to let you go even if you did answer everything correctly. That was a fact just based on how much trouble you gave them.

Yelan keeps a watchful eye on you as she stays silent. You know this tactic, you've used it before. Staying silent to make your hostage squirm and anger till they burst. That, or slowly die in place from any wounds.

This wasn't a problem for you. Every second you stood there in silence was just more and more time for you to get used to the pain. The arrow was too deep to remove, you would bleed out and become weaker so it'll have to stay stuck inside your skin.

Yelan and you could have gone all day, but Shenhe wasn't nearly as patient or stubborn.

"Ask your question and finish your job already, Yelan. If you take any longer then I'll just exterminate them." Shenhe moves to stand directly in front of you with her weapon raised.

She points it directly at Yelan. "And if you try to stop me, I'll kill you too."

Seems they aren't as in sync as you originally thought. 

Yelan sighs and moves from her spot. It seems even she knows better than to trifle with the bomb in the shape of a crane. The grass crunches beneath Yelan's heels as the trinkets on her jingle. 

Lifelines wrap around your wrists and waist and she pulls you forward. Nails dig into your skin through her gloves making you bite your tongue in slight pain. The pretty azure color is coated with crimson as emerald eyes stare into your soul.

"What's giving you the confidence to claim to be the Creator's oracle? If you don't repent and shed this flimsy mask, the Qixing will have you sacrificed in the city's center."

Your heart stops at those words as flashes of the sacrifices you witnessed in Inazuma come to mind. Taking off your mask would get you killed, but not taking it off would also get you killed. Torn between laughing and crying, you hated the fact that once again you were stuck in a ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ situation.

Frowning at the strange expression on your face and the lack of confession, Yelan sighs with frustration and even a bit of hatred. “Not willing to speak even now, huh? Then my job is nearly done. Ningguang can deal with you instead, I’ll just reap my share of the rewards after you die.”

Patting your now bloody cheek condescendingly, she turns away from you. Her lips can be seen moving from her side profile but you could care less about what she's saying.

All you can focus on is the feeling of being talked down to. Being treated like a child, being treated like an idiot. The inner lining of your cheek begins to ache from how hard you're biting on it. 

Specific personas you've created and used in your work would include ditzy and dumb acts. The patronizing tone they would speak to you with was annoying but tolerable. But this? This?!

Lips curled into a snarl, you look up at the woman with a boiling glare matching your equally hot temper. Yelan's features seem to continuously morph and switch with a man who would speak to you in that exact same demeaning way.

"Where the hell do you get off speaking to me like this?" 

Yelan shuts her mouth but doesn't move her snobbish eyes off your form. Shenhe holds her polearm tighter as she keeps her eyes on you. Well aware of just how stupid, rash, and careless your next actions are, your brain tries to calm down.

But the moment you lift your bloody chin to look up, all you can see is condescending eyes taunting you.

"What the fuck is giving YOU the confidence to indirectly call yourself extraordinary by calling your deceased teammates 'ordinary folk'?! You only got to your position from the charity and sacrifices of other people!"

Breathing heavily from the anger and strain from yelling, you wipe the blood on your chin away. You were giving it your all to survive and weasel your way out of this situation. That's what you have done all throughout your time in Teyvat.

It wasn't fair, it wasn't right, it shouldn't be possible that all your efforts would be for naught from just one person. Everything you've worked at all this time, gone, just because Yelan and Ningguang couldn't mind their own fucking business.

"You can inflate your ego all you want with clever schemes and working solo but that doesn't take away from the fact that you would be dead without everyone around you. Your ancestry of heroes, Ningguang's patience and willingness to wait for you to train and move on from your friend. Even the lessons you learned on how you aren't invincible didn't seem to click until you lost your whole team!"

Grinning widely with malice and blood staining your teeth and lips crimson, you finished your jab. "You know? The same team you basically disowned and dissociated yourself from after they died. After all, you’d rather isolate yourself instead of properly acknowledging your team's talent and appreciate the life they lived no matter how short!"

Your mouth felt dry and all you could taste was copper. The shards in your calves were slowly melting making your legs. A vast contrast to the burning anger you harbored. But it seems you aren't the only one feeling this way.

Yelan hasn't moved from her spot but the look she has on her face is clear as day. Her neutral and taunting smile has dissolved into a murderous expression. Viridian eyes sharpen almost like an arrow and gritted teeth grind together. Your blood stains her blue gloves much like how you successfully stained her invincible reputation.

As good as it felt to get back at her, the slightest bit of guilt plagued you. That blow concerning her teammates was low, even if it was true. It's a bitter truth that she probably still struggles with. Living knowing that someone had to be sacrificed for your life pushed you to the brink more than once. Even still, you can't find it in yourself to take back those words, to apologize.

After all, you could never disregard the help and place your dad had in your life even with his early death.

The Hydro vision on Yelan's side glows as she takes long strides to your trapped form. No longer summoning her bow with flair, she points it at you. Bracing yourself with bent knees, you flex your fingers preparing to summon your sickle and escape the disadvantageous position.

"GRAH!"

A huge leaping rocky creature almost flattens Yelan who swiftly dodges by jumping backward.

"GRAW!" What you can now identify as a Geovishap roars loudly and slams his hulking fist onto the ground. The impact sends Yelan flying through the air and the ice trapping your feet shatters.

Not even allowed a second to enjoy your newfound freedom, Shenhe lunges either polearm poised at the ready. Grinning, your sickle clashes with her weapon as you shift to a more comfortable position.

Fighting both women would be impossible for you, they've trained for years. But it was still within your limits to defend and escape from one. Thanks to the Geovishap, you now have been granted that possibility.

The lingering shards of ice in your calves keep the blood somewhat clogged but the blood dribbling out down your ankle is uncomfortable. Ignoring it to the best of your abilities, you dig your shoes into the ground as your sickle repeatedly blocks her attacks.

The spear's minor side curve gets hooked onto your sickle leading to a stand-off. Planting your feet deeper into the ground, you focus on pushing against Shenhe as she does the same. Your arm strains with the force needed as Shenhe's full power begins to overpower you.

Not that you weren't expecting that.

Shenhe fought a god as a child and would have won if Cloud Retainer hadn't cut it short. She grew up in these mountains fighting, training, and eating whatever she was given. Cloud Retainer didn't raise a child, she groomed a soldier.

Your wounds ache as your body is pushed back. Inhuman strength wasn't something you ever encountered on Earth. This wasn't the city where you could pull a dirty trick and get away. Wasn't there anything else you could do?

Perhaps it was the determination you felt to stand your ground. Or maybe it was the desperation you felt to escape and live. You couldn't be completely sure as power mingled with your flesh, giving you a burst of energy.

The air grows cold and the ground shakes beneath your feet. The Electro wrapping around your sickle crackles louder, nearly masking the creaking of the ground. Geo petrifies the ground as it travels from your feet to hers.

A dark umber-colored stone traps her feet with cracks of topaz. Shenhe frowns and tries to rip her feet out but is stunned when it doesn't work. The petrify only moves to consume her body faster.

Knowing that you must be the only reason for the Geo, you take advantage of the newfound power. Breaking the grapple, you move out of her polearms range. Her braids loosen as she tries to lunge at you even with her torso completely petrified.

In some last-ditch effort to kill you, Shenhe holds her polearm in one hand and prepares to throw it at you. Not a moment sooner, the petrify entraps that hand locking it in place.

"Don't run away, demon!" Shenhe shouts in fury as her braid loosens. Her face is permanently etched as a harsh scowl and furrowed brows when the Geo overcomes her completely.

Not wanting to waste the precious and limited time you have, you turn on your heels and run away. In a split decision, you run to the left, the same direction where you first met Shenhe at that hilichurl camp.

Greenery and foliage are trampled on as you push past the burning pain. You pass the threshold of the stone and a large thud catches your attention from behind you.

Curious, you look back to see the Geovishap be pierced by Hydro projectiles. The blood and water splatter and mix on the ground as the Geovishap collapses. A weak gurgle of a roar is all that could be heard.

Glazed eyes holding no consciousness, no life, stare at your wide, sympathetic ones before crumbling into dust. A different pair of wrathful green eyes stare back at you instead.

There's no time to teleport. You couldn't fight in this state. Running was your sole option and your body moved on its own.

The river water dampens your shoes as you run, and the moonlight filters through the leaves of the trees above you. Slimes peer at you curiously as you avoid running into them. 

The only thing you could properly focus on was not tripping and not getting hit by the arrows raining down on you.

Between your honed instincts and Teyvat’s warnings, you manage to dodge the vast majority. Yelan wasn't in the position she is today without mastering her archery.

Pain and most likely a bruise bloom when her Hydro-infused arrow hits your shoulder. It's not deep so you quickly pull it out before it gets lodged like the one in your chest.

The chase is intense as your ragged breaths nearly mask the sound of her heels following you. More arrows cut your clothes and graze your skin. 

The sight of the red staining the cloth makes bitterness spread and fester deep within you.

Just why couldn't you bleed gold?

Now in Nantianmen, you pass by the hilichurl camp where you met Shenhe in. You must be getting closer to the ruins, maybe you could lose Yelan in the twists and turns of the rundown ruins.

But that plan quickly is thrown out the window when the only exit is a large drop-off, small broken ruins with broken ruin pieces serving as platforms on the large river. Treasure hoarders roam that area from what you remember.

To your right is a large mountain, climbable but no doubt time-consuming. On the left is where the ledge is. The only thing in front of you is a path leading to a boss, that you can’t be certain would recognize you or not. And above it would just be another cliff only serving to prolong the chase. 

Faced with the choice, the shallow water washes the crusting blood off your legs. Climb the mountain and be shot down by Yelan, or glide off the edge into Tianqiu Valley and be shot down by Yelan or the treasure hoarders.

Aren’t you spoiled for choice? 

That sarcastic thought is quickly swept away as you narrowly avoid an arrow that hits the water. Only sparing a glance behind you, you move to the side avoiding the follow-up arrow. The click of Yelan’s heels is replaced with the sloshing of water as she runs after you.

She dodges the Cryo that a large Cryo slime shoots at her as you back away with urgency. Before you can make a panicked split decision, a new Geovishap tackles her right into the Cryo slime.

The combo of being frozen and shattered seems to knock the wind out of Yelan as she falls onto the ground and slowly rises to her feet. The Cryo slimes, now with the addition of another that popped up out of nowhere and this new Geovishap, form a circle around Yelan.

The circle is tight and her soaked form only hinders her further. The wounds and bruises she sustained from the previous Geovishap are still visible. 

You recognize this as an opportunity to escape.

The sound of Yelan’s grunts and groans of pain as she’s thrown around out of sight are washed away as you pull the game screen up. It loads slowly but you aren’t too worried, Yelan is spent after chasing you and fighting so much today. 

Once the map is loaded, you quickly swipe to the statue of the seven. Selecting it you press the teleport button and wait. You wait with bated breath and expectant eyes to finally be free of this whole battle. Yet, as the screen stays the same and a whole minute passes by with no response, your heart pounds with fear.

Trying to deny the worst possibility you press the teleport button again. You press it again and again and again with no results. The sounds of the Cryo slimes being splattered onto the ground make you suck in a harsh breath.

In one last desperate attempt, you close the game screen and open it again. Repeating the same actions before with no difference in the result.

It’s refusing to work.

That revelation fills you with a mix of dread and a manic mess of anger combined with sadness. A disbelieving laugh escapes your mouth in a low tone before you sprint towards the closest escape option. There’s no more time to waste, the petrify is going or already has worn off and Yelan won’t be occupied with that Geovishap forever.

Your scratched-up and coarse fingers haphazardly grasp the grooves of the mountain to climb as fast as possible. It’s painful to put your body weight onto your legs but it must be done. That pain is almost completely blinded by the agonizing burn of when the arrow in your chest is pushed further in whenever you accidentally scrape the wall.

The air becomes thinner as you climb to the halfway point, your digits grasp onto the next protruding rock and it’s too late when you realize that it’s too loose. The rock slips out, hitting your face and temporarily blinding you as your other grip becomes weaker.

Dangerously swaying backward, you stop breathing and scramble to hold on to something. When your cut-up fingers finally grasp something more stable, your face hits the rock and it makes the blood from the wounds Yelan’s nails left leave a splotch.

Pain and sharp aches rack your body but you grit your teeth and continue climbing. The mountain seems to almost vibrate and you look down to see Yelan be smashed onto the wall. A thrilling chill of happiness runs down your spine at the sight of Yelan getting pummelled. You can only hope it scars her the way her injuries most likely will scar you.

The struggle is finally over as your fingers dig into the grass at the top and haul yourself over the ledge. Crawling with the last bit of your strength, you lay on your back and breathe in as much of the thin air as you can. Sharp and burning pain electrifies your nerves as you stare up at the night sky.

Just how shitty was your luck to end up like this?

Gingerly touching your head as the world briefly spins, you open the game screen. Maybe, just maybe it will work now that you are away from the battle. Perhaps it didn’t let you teleport in some stupid rule of ‘no teleporting when enemies are nearby’ or ‘you can’t teleport in battle’. You are well aware that Genshin never had that rule but you wanted to hold onto some hope.

Of course, it doesn’t work. Hope at the end of the day is just that. But being away from a life-or-death situation at least brings back some clarity of mind. You select a different teleport waypoint and try to teleport. It doesn’t work, and after trying nearly all of the waypoints you close the screen and groan in frustration.

You close your eyes and just try to breathe, to relax your heart that just won’t stop beating frantically. It becomes suspicious when your blood runs cold and your stomach churns in a familiar feeling of danger. With anxiety-fueled fear, you roll your aching body a few feet away as the wind caresses your skin trying to help you.

Dirt and grime cling onto your clothes and make your open wounds itch as it enters your body. But your attention is pulled away by a polearm piercing the spot you were lying at just a moment ago. Frantic yet oh so tired, you pull yourself onto your sore feet and stare warily as the cloud of dirt dispenses.

As much as you dared to dream that maybe it was Xiao, the long white hair and crane-patterned sleeves aren’t surprising. Disappointing nonetheless though.

Shenhe grips her weapon tightly as she stays in place, the rock she struck in pieces beneath her. You can already imagine what kind of damage she would have done if you didn’t move away in time. She doesn’t lift her head as she mumbles something.

Not willing to move closer but also too cautious to move away in fear of triggering her, you stand in place. Her head lifts up to let iridescent eyes glare at your beat-up and bleeding body. “I hate you.” She mutters as strands of hair droop to frame her face.

“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate-” She mutters endlessly from her position as you begin to take slow steps backward. The red rope tying her hair is already gone and the ones on her clothing are close to slipping. Most of them are ripped and gone anyway.

Shenhe harshly rips the last of the red rope off and gracefully twirls her polearm into the correct position with a look cold enough to freeze your blood. Actually, that’s just the frost creeping from her feet…

“I hate you!”  Shenhe’s yell is swift and her weapon is merciless as her attack pattern changes from the elegant crane style to one more comparable to a raging bull. You hurriedly summon your sickle in the nick of time.

Your hands are shaky from the exhaustion weighing down on your body. Combining that with Shenhe’s erratic wrath attacks makes your movements clumsy.

Each narrowly raised block and shaking deflection eat away at the little energy you have left. 

It's not enough. 

That fact becomes more and more obvious as your grip on the sickle gets weaker. What other fate awaited you when being hunted down by Shenhe who has fought and trained nearly all her life?

The past battles you've been through are viewed in a new light. Your first fight with those treasure hoarders led you to rely more on your wit than skill. The first Fatui encounter with Heizou had you more as a support than an attacker. Beisht wasn’t even attacking you and you struggled against the elements more than anything else on Beidou’s ship. After taking the commission to save Yiran from the kidnappers, you teamed up with Xingqiu and Chongyun for every battle after that.

Even afterward when you were forcibly separated and Cloud Retainer strangled you, it was the other Adepti that pulled her off. The only battles after that were your hit-and-runs with Yelan and Shenhe. Have you ever actually fought and won on your own since that first scuffle with the treasure hoarders? They even ran away after you threatened them without touching them!

The realization of your less-than-stellar fighting capacity makes your movements sloppier, your body feels heavy with the weight of your journey. All the injuries you sustained, even the ones already healed, seem to chip away at your resolve.

You were tired. You’ve been tired for a long time. It would be accurate to say that you were tired of being tired.

Shenhe’s emotions bleed through her fighting style, the wrath she’s consumed by makes her attacks rough but misaligned. Slices that should have cut deep into your shoulder or slashes across your unguarded areas miss their mark. Each one only makes her more aggravated leading to even sloppier motions.

A terrible cycle that was helping you out enough that you use your new Geo power to petrify her feet. But Shenhe has already experienced this, her spear is waved erratically around her keeping you away. 

This rare chance of escape isn’t lost on you, turning on your heels you book it and narrowly avoid the polearm thrown your way. The graze makes the already scraped side bleed heavier, and the burning feeling of pain doesn’t subside.

Running across the greenery and leaving a trail of dotted red on the dark grass, you don’t bother trying to recall where you might be. There was never much of a reason to climb all the way up here as a player and you had no time to stop to observe the map.

The rocks, trees, and flowers blur in a shadowy hazy mess. You can’t be sure whether it's from all the blood you lost, the pain that plagues your body or the starless night sky. A single rock jutted out of the rock trips you and the pain blinds you as you lay on the ground.

Stumbling back onto your feet, you hold a nearby branch with a death grip as your body sways and your vision spins. This intense lightheadedness could only be from blood loss, one would think that it’s a shame how easily you can tell blood loss apart from any other injury it might be. 

The sound of water splashing catches your attention and you do your best to follow it quickly without any more falls. The toll of the adrenaline that was coursing through your veins is starting to settle and you know full well how nasty it can be. A small lake appears in your vision and you collapse onto your knees once close enough.

A group of Cryo slimes begin to make their way towards you from the middle of the lake, or maybe it was Hydro slimes? The wind is both sweet relief on your clammy skin and a rude reminder of your aching wounds. Crawling to the side where you can only hope that Shenhe won’t find you as easily, you let your bag fall off your shoulders.

The bag has holes but as it’s not a normal bag, nothing has fallen out. To your immense relief, of course, the medkit you pull out is your only hope of surviving just a little longer. The slimes gather around you curiously, even this close the only thing you can be sure of is their blue coloring.

Ignoring them, you apply the disinfectant, ointment, bandages, and anything else that might help you with your numerous injuries. Most of them were bandaged fine with you skipping the minor wounds to not waste your precious resources, but it was the major two damages that you couldn’t touch. 

The remainder of the ice spikes in your calves were slowly melting which, unfortunately, was only leading to more bleeding. The arrow in your chest already made breathing hurt like hell. There was no way you were gonna risk yanking either of the two out. With the bleeding slowed down, your body feels a bit better but the fatigue anchors you to your spot.  

Surrounded by the slimes and gently showered by the moonlight your head rests against the closest solid structure. Thoughts of what kind of disease, danger, and death you might experience are washed away. The rippling reflection of the moon on the lake lulls your mind into a haze. Eyelids fluttering shut, you can no longer resist the urge to just rest...

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Oh boy, finally done and over with. It actually had more but I decided to cut it here and post the rest with the other parts next chapter. It may be shorter than this one. Or not, who knows. Thanks to my patient editor @serpent-benediction who edited this today. I hope everyone enjoyed the differences yet similarities between Y/N and Yelan. I did write this on Google Docs rather than on Tumblr so maybe the format is weird. Tell me if this one is too dense looking or any other opinion on it. Edit* Guess which dumbass forgot to add the read more option? Taglist - Remember those that are in italics are those who I couldn't tag! I appreciate all the comments and reblogs! Ya'll can be so funny and sweet at the same time. @vvyeislazzy, @nikqi, @the-dumber-scaramouche, @etherisy, @yourlocalstranger123, @ra404, @iruiji, @goldenglow149, @haru-tofuu, @lsleepysimpl, @bebobeboben, @yuyuzi-ling, @amidst-the-tempest, @resident-cryptid, @mxd1zzy, @mochicurls21, @nervouseaglelover, @thedevioussmirk, @yumuramma, @kwqsla, @undecidingfate, @ehjane, @game-savvy, @akiramirae, @liansh3ng, @fluffy-koalala, @formacoon, @sxftiebee, @khxii-i, @ursinaw, @chuuya-brainrot, @sweetbills, @kazuchaos, @snowfoxnix, @bluebelony, @shellofthewell, @pencil-of-ashes, @ghostlyintervention, @taiformaifoe, @goaudduck, @carminerin, @maddysflowers, @zenith-of-all-zenith, @crazydreamcat, @leafanonsforest, @grimreapersscythe, @leylanx, @sapphireknown, @help-whatdoimakemyusername, @zhonglisfruityass, @mer0n37, @victoria1676, @mochinessss, @sinnful-darling, @emilymikado, @pix-stuff, @esthelily, @luxie963, @emmbny, @millienolife @kbar1013, @xxblackroses623xx, @chxrlxtteee, @aludicpoet, @yandematic, @atrcclovsxoxo, @0lshadyl0, @esthelily, @t-rex-red, @ck123, @steadybreadbluebird, @118gremlin, @stratonia, @time-shardz, @farelady-fate, @valeriele3, @francisnyx, @byakuren100

[scary-grace]

Opposites Attract (Chapter 2) - a Shigaraki x f!Reader fic

Your quirk lets you capture almost anyone with ease, and you can't believe you let Shigaraki Tomura escape. Shigaraki can't believe it, either, and according to the League, there's only one possible explanation -- you let him go because you've fallen in love with him. He decides to find out if it's true. You decide you won't fail to capture him again. You both get a lot more than you bargained for. (cross-posted to Ao3)

Chapters: 1 2 3

Chapter 2

It’s been two weeks since the League of Villains vs Kamino Ward: Round 2, and there hasn’t been a single day that somebody hasn’t read you the riot act. It wasn’t enough that Miruko did it on-scene, well within microphone range of every single news crew who swarmed the park – every senior hero in Yokohama got in on it, too. And as if it wasn’t already your worst week ever, the HPSC called you in for a formal review of your pro hero license. You didn’t sleep at all the night before, and when you got to the hearing half an hour early with sweat stains already oozing through your one nice blouse, you found out that they’d done the review already, and the hearing was just to present the findings. One of the members of the committee mentioned that you looked a little pale. In hindsight, you’re amazed you didn’t have a heart attack.

You found out that the review of your license was a PR thing more than anything else – although your choices weren’t popular or flashy, nothing about how you handled the incident fell outside the hero code. Not that it matters to the general public. If you had an agency, they’d be booking you on podcasts and talk shows so you could explain yourself, but you’re underground, so you’re stuck listening to TV presenters who’ve never met a villain and podcasters who’d piss themselves if they came face to face with even the pettiest of criminals, all talking about how badly you blew it. There was even a petition circling demanding that you make a public apology for what happened to the All Might statue – one apology to the sculptor who made the statue, and one to All Might himself. When that one started making the rounds, you set your social media accounts to private and hid from your phone for the next three days.

Things are starting to die down, you think, but you’ve still got one stop left on your humiliation tour, and it’s the one you’re dreading the most. Your alma mater is always looking for learning experiences to offer their students, so you’re spending this afternoon at UA, listening while the first-year hero students pick apart every action you took in Kamino Park.

It’s an open forum, so everyone who wants to run their mouth gets a chance to do it, and you sit stonefaced in your chair, praying for your composure to hold. Eraserhead said he’d give you chances to respond, and he does, every time a student sits down. But you don’t want to get into a back-and-forth with a bunch of kids. You did what you did. You can’t go back. Maybe they can learn from what you did wrong.

What did you do wrong, actually? The HPSC cleared you. You’re so unpopular right now that they’d seize any chance they got to strip your licenses, but they cleared you – and you’re still here, listening to a bunch of teenagers take shots at you. The unfairness boils up inside you all at once, and when the next kid sits down, you stand up before Eraser invites you to.

“You all think you could have done better than me out there,” you start. “Maybe you’re right. There are always things that could be done better. What did I do wrong?”

It’s quiet for a second. “Are you stupid or something?” Bakugou asks you. “They got away! That’s what you did wrong!”

“Is it? Kurogiri and Shigaraki got away at USJ, and again at Kamino the first time. I don’t see you lighting All Might’s ass up,” you shoot back. Bakugou makes an affronted sound. “Answer me for real this time. What was my actual, quantifiable mistake?”

It’s quiet for another beat. Eraser opens his mouth, but Class B’s teacher speaks up first. “That’s the more interesting question,” he says. “We’ve talked about how Skynet could have done better. What actual mistake did Skynet make that led to the final outcome of the incident?”

You know what it was, deep in your heart, and you also know that the only person who could call you on it is somebody you hope you never see again. A hand creeps up, and Vlad calls on the student – one of Eraser’s. “Yes, Midoriya?”

“I don’t know if I would call it a mistake,” Midoriya says, “but I was wondering – why didn’t you use more of your quirk?”

That’s a new one. You wait quietly, and Midoriya elaborates. “I mean, Magnetism has dozens of applications. You’re sort of known for being creative with how you use it. And r/herojapan did a power ranking of every active hero and you ranked the highest out of all non-charted heroes.”

That’s news to you. “So I guess that’s what I want to know,” Midoriya concludes. “If you have a quirk with a lot of applications and a lot of power to work with, how could the League of Villains escape?”

“Uh –” You glance at Vlad King, then at Eraserhead. They both gesture for you to go on. “What you said about my quirk – you’re right. I can go big with it. But the bigger I go with it, the less control I have, and I’m not creating magnetic fields out of thin air. I’m enhancing and altering what already exists. Every magnetic field I alter is touching another one, and my alterations affect those fields, too. If I want to use my quirk safely on a large scale, I have to alter some magnetic fields while stabilizing others simultaneously, and I have to do that while protecting civilians and assisting my fellow heroes and trying not to get killed. Using my quirk on the scale I would have needed at Kamino just isn’t possible.”

You can tell Midoriya doesn’t get it. Nobody else does, either. “Maybe you should demonstrate,” the girl from Class B who can make her hands enormous says. “Show us what would have happened if you used your quirk the way Midoriya is talking about at Kamino.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Vlad says. “Ground Beta should be open right now. Let’s go.”

Vlad was your homeroom teacher in your first year at UA. You’ve been struggling not to call him sensei since you set foot on campus, and you know he knows how much you’ve struggled with your quirk. You also knew he was going to support you, but you’re not sure you like how he’s doing it – proving that you’re right, sure, but proving it by proving that you can’t handle your quirk at even partial strength, when the way you were using your quirk wasn’t even the real problem. If you had reacted faster, gotten a solid grip on Shigaraki through other means instead of getting distracted by how not-okay he is, you’d have held all the cards by the time the warp villain came to play. You’d like to see the warp villain try to back you into a corner when you’ve got a piece of rebar wrapped around Shigaraki’s throat.

But you didn’t have your shit together, because you were too stuck on just how shocked Shigaraki looked when you asked if he was okay. Not fake-shocked, not mocking-shocked, not look-at-the-hypocritical-hero-pretending-to-care shocked – truly, honestly shocked, like you’re the first person who’s asked him that question in a while. You flatly refuse to entertain the thought that you’re the first person who’s ever asked him that, because that would be too goddamn sad and you’re not into woobifying villains. You know more than a few heroes who have those romance novels about getting captured and ravished by a not-bad-just-misunderstood villain hanging out on their e-readers, and that’s not your style at all. So why did it bother you, seeing that look on Shigaraki’s face? Why are you still thinking about it two weeks later?

You shake it off as you, Eraser, Vlad, and the students reach Ground Beta. If you don’t want anybody to guess how you actually messed up, you need to do a good job proving that their idea of your mistake is the right one.

Vlad sets up a target a quarter of a mile down Ground Beta’s main street – the distance from one end of Kamino Park to the other – then makes his way back to you and the others. Eraserhead ushers everybody away from you. “Okay,” you say, projecting your voice, “I’m going to show you what it would have looked like for me to use my quirk to drag the League of Villains to me from across Kamino Park.”

Part of you is tempted to just blow it. Use your quirk recklessly, without worrying about consequences or property damage or anything but how it feels to finally let loose. But you’re a hero. You need to set a good example, not give the students even more reasons to question why you still have your license, and even here, there’s a chance that using your quirk at full strength isn’t safe. You get set, feeling the stabilizers in your boots anchor you to the ground. You tap into your metal sense, identifying the target a quarter mile away. Then you extend your hand, activate your quirk as precisely as you can manage, and pull.

The practice target starts moving. Unfortunately, so does everything else. No matter how hard you try to keep your focus on the target and only the target, metal fragments in the concrete lurch upwards, responding to your shift in the magnetic fields, pulling the street apart. The buildings on either side crumple inwards as their steel frameworks tear free. Lightposts bend into impossible shapes. Manhole covers lift from the street and fly towards you, forcing you to employ your other hand to stop them from striking the students behind you. The air vibrates. And sure, the practice target is flying towards you at high speed – but the destruction you’re wreaking on everything in between you and it is worse than what anyone but Shigaraki could have done to Kamino Memorial Park.

You let your grip on the magnetic fields fall when the target’s within thirty feet or so, and let momentum do the rest. Then you turn back towards the students. “This looks bad, right? If I’d done this at Kamino, it would be even worse. Anybody want to guess why?”

“Water mains,” the girl from 1-A with the Creation quirk says at once. You nod. “Cities are full of underground infrastructure, and most of that is made of metal. If your quirk is hard to focus narrowly at a distance from the target, you could do billions of yen worth of property damage.”

“What about people?” the electricity kid from 1-A says – the electricity kid who, if you remember right, also has a wide-range quirk. “Do they get caught when you do that?”

“No,” you say. “I have to be at close range to manipulate the iron in someone’s body. And they have to have enough iron in their bloodstream to make it possible.”

You say that, cringe, and brace yourself for what must be coming – one of the students, probably Midoriya, realizing that Shigaraki’s weapons-grade anemia is what kept him out of your reach at first. Followed by one of the students, probably Midoriya, asking why you didn’t use any of the other means at your disposal to capture him. “Oh,” the electricity kid says instead. “I get it now.”

“I have a question, Skynet,” Bakugou says loudly. “Couldn’t you do all that without destroying everything if you trained your quirk harder?”

You asked yourself that question a lot when you were a student at UA. The theoretical answer was always yes. “No,” you say, without getting into all the reasons why. “Does anyone else have a question?”

A Class B student named Honenuki has a question about what types of property you should avoid damaging if possible, and a Class B student named Monoma wants to know whether you were in Class A or Class B when you were at UA. He looks pretty happy when you say Class B, which is weird. You’re persona non grata among heroes right now. It doesn’t make a ton of sense that he’s excited that you were in the same class as he is. Vlad doesn’t ask you how things have been going; he just pats your shoulder and walks off. You try to escape before Eraserhead can talk to you, and make it exactly five steps before he calls out. “Skynet.”

You grit your teeth. “Do you want me to apologize, too?”

“For what?” Eraser looks irritated. “I asked you to look after my students. You looked after them. I’d be asking you to apologize if you’d let them fight.”

“Oh.” You weren’t looking forward to making that apology. “Then, um – what did you want to talk to me about?”

“My students are used to having their quirks temporarily canceled, but my quirk is unique. They’re much more likely to run into villains whose powers serve to restrain them,” Eraser says. You get where he’s going with this and try to interrupt, but he talks right over you. “I want you to come back for at least one of our basic training sessions. It’s rational to give them a chance to practice against a power set like yours, and it’ll also allow you the chance to work on fine-tuning your quirk.”

You knew there was a backhand somewhere in there. “My quirk’s as fine-tuned as it’s going to get.”

“We’ll see,” Eraser says. “The next basic training where all my students will be present is next Thursday. Come in.”

You recall making a promise to yourself, one which included telling Eraser to go to hell if he asked any more favors. But you still need to rehab your image. A lot. “Yeah. Sounds good.”

You change out of your costume before you leave campus – everything except your boots, which you wear almost all the time – and while you’re waiting for the train, you get a text from the group chat you have with the three other female pros who debuted in the same year as you. That’s about the only thing the four of you have in common, but that’s not stopping Yue from messaging in all caps. I MISSED MY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! WE NEED TO CELEBRATE <3 <3 <3

Yue was the last one of the four of you to debut. Her agency held her back for maximum press impact, whereas you just picked a day at random to quit working as a sidekick and strike out for yourself. Kagura, another member of the debut class, texts back before you can. Spa night?

That sounds good to you, but it’s not Yue’s speed at all. GOING OUT! I CAN GET US INTO CLUB 100 IN TOKYO!

Right – Yue’s number 25, as of the most recent billboard chart update. Mayuko, the member of the class you get along with best, texts next. It might be nice to see what it’s like?

Kagura gives a thumbs-up, and Yue sets the celebration date for tonight – and orders you all to come to her apartment to get ready. She has a special message for you. NO BOOTS, SKY. THEY’RE TOO CLUNKY FOR DANCING.

You send back a frowny face, and Mayuko chimes in. You can borrow my shoes. It’s been so long since we got together! I can’t wait!

That’s true, and you’ve missed them – but right now you’re a liability. Are you sure you want to be seen in public with me? I’m sort of radioactive right now.

Nobody will recognize you out of costume, Yue says, instead of what you were hoping she’d say, which is that it doesn’t matter and she has your back. Be at my place at 6!

There goes your quiet night. You board your train and lean back in your seat. If you have to go dancing tonight, you’d better catch some rest now.

Shigaraki refreshes the page, frowning. Then he refreshes it again, getting the same message. What the hell does ‘set to private’ mean? He googles it, learns that only approved followers can see an Instagram account that’s set to private, and feels a surge of annoyance. It figures. He spent two weeks debating whether or not to look you up, and by the time he’s finally decided it’s not creepy to look up the weird hero who has a crush on him, you locked all of your stupid social media accounts.

Part of Shigaraki still thinks everybody’s messing with him – everybody except Toga, who’s delusional, and Twice, who’s probably never touched a girl who wasn’t in the process of arresting him. But something about it keeps bothering Shigaraki. Something about you keeps bothering him. Thinking about it makes him itch, and not thinking about it isn’t working. After two weeks of trying both, Shigaraki decided to look you up and find out what you’ve said about him and the League of Villains, so he can finally delete the mental save file with you in it.

But you haven’t said much about the League of Villains. Shigaraki can’t tell if that’s because no one’s asked you or because you don’t have anything to say – or at least not anything you’d say publicly, which is why he went looking for your personal social media accounts and found them all locked. Shigaraki scratches with one hand and looks you up on Reddit with the other. He has to be pretty specific in his search query. Just looking up “Skynet” brings up a lot of stuff about movies.

The Reddit threads about you are a mix of obsessive hero fans and people who think you’re hot. The latter group spends a lot of time bitching about the fact that you don’t post enough thirst traps. It doesn’t seem like you go for fanservice. Good. Shigaraki hates heroes on principle, but he hates the ones who don’t showboat ever so slightly less.

You used to work with Eraserhead, which is probably why he let you supervise his class. You went to UA. There are links to all your Sports Festival performances, and Shigaraki bookmarks them for later, in case you’ve got skills you didn’t show in the fight at Kamino. You’re not very well-known, and none of your arrests have been of big-time villains. And as far as Shigaraki can find, you’ve never said a word about the League.

It’s not like Shigaraki was expecting to find a whole essay about why you don’t hate the League and why you have a crush on him. He wouldn’t have liked that. But he also doesn’t like the fact that you apparently didn’t think about the League at all before you fought him at Kamino. Maybe you did and you were just keeping quiet about it. Or maybe you didn’t care at all until you met Shigaraki in person, and then you – what? Worried about him? Cared about him? Wanted him to live? Do people actually fall in love at first sight?

Toga would say yes, but Toga’s seventeen, and also insane. Shigaraki can’t take anything Toga says at face value.

There’s one other spot on Reddit where Shigaraki finds you – in a thread on the weirdest hero names. He remembers the movies that kept popping up in his earlier search results and finds one of them on his favorite pirating site. He’s bored. There’s nothing to do right now. He’s decided not to do anything else until the dust has settled. He has time for a movie.

The hideout is quiet right now. Dabi’s been gone all day. Toga and Twice left this afternoon, either to scout things out or to steal more supplies, and Spinner, Compress, and Magne are all napping in the next room. This afternoon, Shigaraki sent Kurogiri to ask the doctor for help. He didn’t want to do that, but with Sensei gone – gone, and it’s Shigaraki’s fault, because it was his stupid plan – the League is out of Nomus and running out of money. They need backup, and Kurogiri’s better at convincing the doctor to do things than Shigaraki is. A scarecrow with a paper bag over its head is better at convincing people to do things than Shigaraki is. If Shigaraki was convincing at all, he would have won Bakugou over, and none of this would have happened.

The movie is sci-fi, or maybe horror. It’s also really old, from some time period where all the movies were set in a world where quirks don’t exist. If quirks existed, this movie would be over before it even started. Probably. Shigaraki wonders if you’ve seen this movie. If you liked it. What other things do you like, in addition to him?

A few minutes later, he gets an answer to at least one of his questions. You’ve definitely seen this movie, and you must have liked it, or you wouldn’t have named yourself after the evil supercomputer that nuked humanity and started building killer robots to take out anybody who survived. Now Shigaraki gets why you were on the list of heroes with weird names, and he’s pretty sure you should be at the top of it. You must have at least a couple screws loose. That’s probably why you took one look at Shigaraki and decided to fall in love with him. If you have fallen in love with him. Have you?

Shigaraki needs to stop thinking about this. He presses play on the movie again. Now that he’s got at least an answer or two, maybe he can focus on something else. Something other than the fact that he’s tired and hungry and has a headache and will probably get dizzy if he stands up too fast, just like he always has. And the fact that none of those things were a problem until you asked if he was okay.

He must fall asleep or something, because the next thing he knows, the screen of his phone’s gone dark, and someone is hollering at him from the other room. “What?” Shigaraki shouts back.

“Get in here,” Dabi says. Dabi’s back. “Your girlfriend’s on the news.”

“All over the news,” Toga adds gleefully, before Shigaraki can argue back that a) you’re not his girlfriend because b) he doesn’t even like you. “She’s even cuter when she’s covered in blood!”

What? Shigaraki stands up too fast, comes close to blacking out, and scrambles unsteadily into the other room. Magne has the TV on, and Shigaraki elbows his way past Compress and Dabi for a look at the screen. It’s the national news, a special report. Something about speed brakes failing on a Shinkansen headed through Tokyo and a catastrophic derailment. Or what would have been a catastrophic derailment, if it wasn’t for you. Before Shigaraki can tell somebody to look up what happened on their phone – his is dead – the news broadcast plays a video of the incident. All Shigaraki and the others can do is stare.

“Damn,” Spinner says into the silence that falls afterwards. “If she’d done that at Kamino, you all would have been toast.”

No kidding. Shigaraki didn’t go to school past kindergarten, but every idiot knows that trains are heavy, and knows that the faster something is going, the harder it is to stop. In the video, you’re on the tracks behind the speeding train, hand outstretched. Shigaraki sees the train shudder when your quirk catches it. It yanks you off your feet about three seconds later, and you get dragged out of the frame facedown, one hand still extended, still hanging on. Whoever’s holding the camera pans left, following the train, and it’s pretty obvious that the train is slowing down. Shigaraki thought your quirk was good for paralyzing people and pulling wires out of the ground. He’d never have guessed you were capable of this.

“Why didn’t she do that at Kamino?” Dabi asks, baffled. “She could have made it big as the hero who took down the League of Villains instead of getting dragged by the press for letting us go.”

“Which do you think dragged her harder, the press or the train?” Magne cackles, and Dabi snorts. “She looks like roadkill –”

“Don’t be dumb,” Toga says to Magne. “She’s got blood all over her. It’s cute! And she let us go at Kamino because she loves Tomura-kun.”

“Oh, right.” Magne nods. Dabi’s still snickering. “The train isn’t half as cute as the boss is!”

Dabi’s snickering gets worse, and Twice is guffawing in the background. Shigaraki yanks the remote out of Magne’s hand and turns up the volume on the TV to drown them out. “ – pleased to report a lack of severe injuries to the passengers, courtesy of the gradual stop achieved by what was first believed to be a civilian acting without authorization,” the newscaster is saying. They’re on the scene. There’s an ambulance in the background. “We’ve since confirmed that the individual responsible for the save is an off-duty hero by the name of Skynet. We have her right here –”

The camera zooms in on you, just in time for you to spit a mouthful of blood into the gutter. Magne was right – you look like shit – and Toga was right – you’re covered in blood. You’re not wearing your costume, and your clothes are pretty shredded. You wipe your mouth on the back of your hand and stand up straight, grimacing. Shigaraki’s taken his share of hits in battle before. He’s impressed against his will.

The interviewer is asking you a bunch of questions, and Shigaraki listens carefully. Now that he knows how powerful your quirk actually is, he needs as many clues as possible about how it works. He picks up things here and there, but he keeps getting distracted by you. By the blood dripping from the corner of your mouth. By the big, bloody scrapes across your torso. By the way one of your shoulders is pretty obviously dislocated, and the fact that you’re standing there doing an interview when you should be getting help. Shigaraki doesn’t need to ask a stupid question about whether or not you’re okay. He knows you’re not. Why does he care?

Because you were off-duty. Because this wasn’t your job. Because you got in trouble for letting Shigaraki go at Kamino and still jumped onto the tracks to get dragged four hundred yards behind an out-of-control train. The heroic system is bullshit, and there’s nothing defensible about it, but that train probably had hundreds of people on it, and they’d be dead if it wasn’t for you. Being a hero is idiotic at best. But if it’s possible to do an idiotic thing the right way, you’re doing it.

The interviewer is asking you why you stepped in when you weren’t on duty, and you’re getting pretty visibly annoyed. Spinner is the only person other than Shigaraki who’s still watching. “She’s underground, right?” he asks. Shigaraki nods without looking away from the screen. “She acts like a true hero. Stain would approve.”

Shigaraki doesn’t give a shit what the Hero Killer thinks about anything. But he has a really bad feeling that he’s starting to give a shit about you. What the hell is he supposed to do about it?

Turn you, obviously. The League could use a quirk like yours, and it would be a serious blow to hero society for an established hero to join forces with Shigaraki. You probably weren’t trying to get Shigaraki’s attention by stopping a speeding train, but you’ve got his attention now, for a good reason instead of a stupid one. The thought of your feelings for him is a lot less uncomfortable now that they’re something he can use.

Kurogiri gets back from the doctor with bad news – the doctor can’t help them right now, because they’re taking too much heat. It sounds like bullshit to Shigaraki, but he has something else on his mind. He talks to Kurogiri away from the others. “Find out where Skynet lives.”

Kurogiri looks surprised. “Why?”

“She’s stronger than I thought. We can use her.”

“I see,” Kurogiri says, but he’s giving Shigaraki a weird look. “Why do you need to know where she lives?”

“So I can let her know I’m interested,” Shigaraki says. Kurogiri’s expression doesn’t shift. “I don’t have to tell her what I’m interested in.”

Kurogiri’s still making a weird face. As much as Kurogiri can make any kind of face. “Right?” Shigaraki prompts, and Kurogiri nods. “Right. Once we know where she is, what should I do?”

“Something subtle,” Kurogiri suggests. “Consider it while I seek the information you requested.”

Something subtle. Easy enough. Shigaraki feels better about the whole thing than he has since he ran into you for the first time. You’re in love with him? That’s fine. If you love him so much, you can help him destroy the world.

[rottingcheng]

allcheng in which jc’s experience of first (unrequited) love with wwx informs all his future relationships [wholesome]

xicheng: it’s ingrained in jc that you’re supposed to have to share the person you love with everybody else! even when you have your loved one’s attention, isn’t it just natural for their attention to stray and be caught by other people and things all the time?

when jc first becomes closer to lxc, the undivided attention makes him uncomfortable. he’s scared he’ll get used to it, especially if it’ll eventually be taken away. so he pushes lxc away first, gets irritable when lxc goes everywhere with him, gets irrationally angry when lxc politely tells other people he is busy so he can keep hanging out with jc. why!!! it makes no sense? is there something wrong with lxc? isn’t he being too obsessive? jc gets anxious because this isn’t the kind of love he understands.

one day he shouts for lxc to leave him alone!! and lxc does!! and jc suddenly feels… lonely…

everyone notices how slj’s mood seems so off that week, until lxc pops in to ask if he’s ok and jc goes “!!!! please don’t ever leave me again!” and lxc goes “my pleasure~”.

mingcheng: like everybody else in the jianghu, jc greatly admired nmj for his martial prowess. when they got together, nmj was extremely caring and protective, which was great—a love language jc understood. however, jc was worried nmj would look down on him for being a young and inexperienced sect leader. sometimes he didn’t believe in himself either.

but nmj always trusted jc to handle himself. maybe even a little too much, because jc would be waiting for nmj to take over fighting a yao or fix a tricky political situation, but instead nmj would just wait for jc to take a stab at it first (sometimes literally). even when jc felt like he was out of his depth and couldn’t handle things, nmj would always give him the opportunity to try to work things himself first. jc thought it meant nmj didn’t care about him, that he didn’t mind seeing jc struggling. but after he defeated that yao (with difficulty), after he came to that political agreement (with great difficulty), jc felt so happy. and nmj would pull him close and tell him he believed in him all that time. it was terrifying, but it was good. ~~

xuancheng: jc was always used to having the person he loved be in the spotlight while he watched from the shadows. it was only natural after all. jc was born second, born second-best. so it was a strange feeling when jzx, who had just won first place in the yearly lanling archery competition, picked jc up and waved him around in the air, calling for everyone to look at his very talented lover and be amazed at him for splitting an arrow with his second shot during warm up. jc grew completely pink, unused to the attention he felt was surely undeserved.

and it wouldn’t stop there! jzx was amazing in his own right, a high achiever with an incredible record. but he was never afraid to lose to jc, and would always celebrate jc’s wins without having to upstage him in some way. jzx was genuinely always so proud of his lover!

whenever jzx was better than jc at something, he would always offer to give jc some tips to help him improve, and would always ask jc for tips too. jzx loved sharing the spotlight with jc, even more so did he love looking at his lover smiling wide from above him in first place.

sangcheng: jc was always snappy and combative as a kid. as he grew older, he naturally mellowed out and was generally more agreeable to others around him. with his lover nhs, though, jc would scold and berate him even for little things. jc imagined it would be equal, that nhs would point out jc’s mistakes too, make fun of him where everyone could see. but nhs just…never did. nhs never really complained about jc’s harsh words, only ever pouting and pretending to cry. jc would roll his eyes and leave. nhs would chase him —

“jiang-xiong don’t go! you have to cheer me up now!” jc thought that nhs was boring at first, that he didn’t have the wits to banter back. then one day, jc accidentally broke one of nhs’s fans and received the scolding of his life. that was when he learned nhs was in fact very good at giving jc hell. he just usually didn’t want to.

at first that was so strange. isn’t it more fun to hate on each other? and then jc realised that whenever he wrote a character imperfectly or practiced a sword form wrong, the little pang of anxiety he used to get was no longer there. oh, he thought. that’s…nice. after that, jc would still scold nhs every now and then, but not without giving nhs the head pats and praises the man would demand afterwards. it was quite a comfortable arrangement. ~

[palmviolet]

Hello! I don’t know if this is strange, but do you have any tips for characterizing Rust? Your writing of him literally feels ripped out of the show in a way I’ve seen very few able to do, and I have trouble balancing his “time is a flat circle, we’re all trapped in Samsara” beliefs with his “normal” (for lack of a better word) pessimism and worldview and always feel like I end up leaning too hard one way or the other. You strike a perfect balance between these (and just generally on his characterization, like, not necessarily just with these issues but on his little quirks and references he’d have as touchstones and small details) in a way that really impresses me. Absolutely no problem if you’ve got nothing (and also you aren’t obliged to divulge your secrets at all!), but either way keep up the great work!!!!

oooh okay great question — thank you so much, i'm so thrilled you enjoy the way i write him <3

i mean let's preface this by saying that i've watched TD s1 maybe... 7 times now? currently on my umpteenth watch in the space of six months. and aside from that i've been marathoning mcconaughey movies so really i've got his voice pretty near to hand if i need it lol and a lot of writing accurate dialogue, i find, is just being able to hear the character saying it in your head.

that being said it's not just dialect inflections; as you say, it's philosophy. i read the conspiracy against the human race by ligotti, which is reportedly the book that rust's whole nihilist philosophy is based on. would absolutely recommend, if you can stomach it — it's basically just immersion in rust's fucked-up head for 300 pages. but the central point to remember here is that rust as a character is as human as anybody else, meaning there doesn't have to be internal consistency w/r/t how his beliefs and actions tesselate with each other. he's made of contradictions and he's deluding himself half the time, alongside everybody else. case in point: that he seems to believe what the doctors told him (that sophia died peacefully without pain) despite his general confidence in the world as a thresher of suffering and the people in it as self-serving, delusional puppets. he clings to what was likely a comforting fiction to support his assertion that to die is better than to live but also to protect himself, because the likely reality (that sophia died in pain and fear) is simply too traumatic for him to handle. and in that he's human — and the constant conflict within his character is between the human instincts towards self-preservation, hope, loneliness, fear, justice, and his belief that those instincts are just the trappings of biology and a fragile constructed system that holds no meaning beyond the circle of an unreal world — a belief that arises from an event so traumatic as to have rewritten those instincts.

so half of it is collecting references to go along with his nihilist philosophy — philosophers, poets, postmodern theorists — and half of it is remembering he's just a guy who has a bottle of hot sauce and a coffee maker and nothing else in his kitchen. in that he has to experience the world just like anybody else does, though he does it a little to the left — i do have fun experimenting with his synaesthesia when writing from his perspective — and he has specific touchstones from his experiences in alaska, in texas, just generally being a cop in the south in the 90s. he'll know a gun make better than he'll know a car; he'll compare a good thing to a drug, not a candy. he'll answer a question honestly but he'll do it with varying levels of sardonicism, depending who's asking. he'll ascribe pain to everyone's existence except his daughter's, though she lived in a cruel world like everyone else, because the only way he can protect her is through the optimism of revisionist memory. just. what a character man

sorry if i've rambled. it's just about getting into his headspace by reading the right things (eg all the AA stuff in infinite jest when i reread it this year very much helped) and remembering it's okay that he doesn't make much sense to you in your narrative, because he's not a character that makes sense — which is what makes him such a good character, because it makes him more real.

thanks for the ask!

[artycomicfangirl]

Do you have some headcanons of Daisy's and Luigi's love languages they display in the relationship?

Oh man, you know what? You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for an ask like this since…well, Ever! I LOVE these kind of things! I had to do a quick research to brush up on what Love Languages are again. So I took inspiration from some templates I found online. Sprinkled in with a little bit of the Movie-Verse Headcanons.

I guess this is a potential Part 1 of Luaisy headcanons? All because I’m unfortunately not able to list them all as of now!

But, Here we go! Hope you enjoy. Sorry if this ends up being a super long one though, haha.

- Acts of Service -

💚 Luigi would be more than happy and willing to tend to any Plumbing relate problems Daisy has. This is one of the only few times where even if he doesn’t even know the full situation of the problem, he never says no to her needing help, and dives head first without hesitation…

• Even if it means literally diving into that now rising flooding castle basement of hers, just to locate and fix that pesky broken pipe system!

🌼 💚 Cooking for each other. Unlike when I think Peach lovingly does most, if not all of the cooking for Mario. Cooking seems to become a thing divided equally between Luigi and Daisy.

• Luigi is known to be the best at Dinners. Some of his experience gained from helping his Mama back in Brooklyn growing up. And helping Mario cook too. One of his favorite meals he always loves to share with Daisy on occasion, is his mother’s classic Pasta recipes!

🌼 Plumbing can be real exhausting work sometimes! So Daisy is usually the one to fix up some either some real ice-cool drinks to personably bring to him in sweltering heat. Or Make him some hot cocoa or coffee for the really cold days. She’ll even bring some snacks, or even lunch if it’s almost time for a break.

🌼 Whenever she can be there, Daisy would always sit around and keep Luigi company while he worked. Also for the fact so she can pass him tools that he might need during work. Or even better, hold the fort as best as she can to prevent little mishaps that may occur. Need someone to hit a pipe to get it working? Need an extra set of strength to turn that creaky faucet? Trust Daisy to help out too!

- Physical Touch -

💚 Luigi is so, so, SO gentle with Daisy. Not in a way where he believes that she is perceived to be ‘Delicate’. He has faith that she can handle herself of course! But that’s just simply in his nature with everyone else too. Very little to no aggressive or intimidating body language. And with her? It’s just extra sweet.

• He knows she’s strong. But he can’t help but be the one to look out for her and be worried for her sometimes. When he sees her all scuffed up from fights, he offers to bring her water, ointment, bandages, whatever she requests. At first he allows her to try and heal herself. But If Daisy needs more help, he would step in to help tend to her wounds as much as possible.

💚 Luigi was is the most nervous and hesitant in initiating any form of touch at first. He didn’t want to make the wrong moves or anything! But upon the first hug and some vocal encouragement, it was a sign for him that he is on the right track.

He slowly gets more confident in holding hands with her, having an arm around her waist (Although, he can’t help but melt a little at the fact that he could be THIS close to someone he loves!)

💚 Kisses on his nose get’s him all smiley right away! Daisy ends up doing these out of surprise, and it just gets him so much. Kiss him on the cheek? Instantly giddy. She kisses him on the lips? Immediate knockout. He’s giving the Heart-eyes vibe. This is Something he shares in common with his bro too!

💚 When Luigi sees Daisy on the verge of lashing out at someone. He’s the first to quietly take her hand in his to gently squeeze it. This either gets her to look at him, which he gives a nod and look of reassurance for her to think things through. Or it’s almost like an instant touch that needs no words nor looks. But it has an instant affect on her. She rarely gets directly angry at him ever. How can she be mad at someone just so sweet to her? She knows he genuinely wants to help her.

• Sometimes he chooses to gently rub her hands instead. Also an equally effective calming effect.

💚 If Daisy ever feels down or at her worst, he more than welcomes her with open arms, and does not ever judge her for crying (something she rarely ever shows in public. Always putting a strong face.) It matters very little to him in the moment that his hat or clothes would be tear-soaked.

💚 Speaking on the note of a Sad Daisy. There are a few trigger moments which if you end up hurting Daisy, can make this sweet and timid Greed Plumber, decide that enough is enough. There is a reason why his Trope is known as a ‘Cowardly Lion’!

💚 He will try to place himself in front of her always. Whether it is him jumping in front of her to take whatever brunt of force was directed at her without thinking. Or steeling himself up to give stare down (albeit with quaking knees) in front of his enemy.

He starts of with a slight quiver in his voice. But if you continue to mock him or her a second time, the shakiness in his tone fades. Becoming a bit more determined. A quiet strength. At that point, he will not allow you to push him around and insult Daisy like that. Even if he might get knocked around a bit, he keeps getting back up, just to stand up for her.

💚 He’ll even try to use his hat at some points if he needs to cover her face more for protection.

💚 For some reason I feel like instead of usually carrying a Princess Bridal-style like Mario does. Luigi tends to carry Daisy on his back more. This often leads to escaping from some very comical situations!

🌼 Daisy is DEFINITELY the one who is not shy in expressing her affections naturally. But also really straightforward in her actions.

🌼 Ever experienced one of those surprise Run-at-top-speed Jump hugs? That’s Daisy for you! She often forgets to tone herself down sometimes.

🌼 Pulling him by the suspenders of his overalls gently just to kiss him.

🌼 She’s the one ending up carrying him like a bride instead HA

🌼 Like Luigi, Daisy is always one to step in front of her beloved to shield them from any potential danger. She is usually the one to Yank him out of the way with top speed (Apologizing immediately to him afterwards!) and pull him close to her body to try and cover and protect him as much as possible.

🌼 You would not be able to live it down if Daisy sees you harming or insulting Luigi. She is super quick on to you, ready to throw hands (And weapons, if in a fight)

🌼 She and Mario share the same kind of sentiments when it comes to standing up for Luigi.

“Say that again about my Boyfriend…And you’re gonna regret it!”

- Words of Affirmation -

🌼 Daisy is the one with the vast supply of pet names and complements!

🌼 The Iconic “Hey Sweetie!”

🌼 Buttercup, Honey-Bee, Weegie, Squeegie ect

🌼 If you don’t stop her, she may resort to floral Puns!

🌼 When it comes to support, she is like a really passionate cheerleader. You would definitely see her yelling her heart out at the sidelines of any event/competition/Kart race

🌼 When she writes notes or letters, Daisy tends to be the one who draws little doodles at the end of each letter, or just as little decorations here and there. Mario may or may not have accidentally revealed that he had caught Luigi chuckling at a letter he received from Daisy. Only to be told by his younger Bro that he found her drawings adorable and it made him smile. So she’s been doing that ever since!

💚 Luigi is a bit more reserved with this type of thing. But in fact, he is secretly the more poetic one! Surprisingly The type who’s words of love end up being a natural Cupid’s arrow.

💚 I see ‘Desert Flower’ as a popular head canon compliment he might say, and I also agree with that!

💚 Why do I feel like he would totally be the one to call her “My Dynamite Gal”??? When he’s mustered up so much confidence??

• Because Luigi is known to be more shy and timid, he does have more struggles with confidence in some parts. Leading to this possible little interaction:

—————————————————

💚 “ Face it…How can I even do this? I’m such a loser! I mean, look! I literally got a huge L on my head!”

🌼 “…Does It really have to mean Loser?”

💚 “H-huh? I-I…well what else can it be?”

🌼 “Well…put it this way. You’re kinda like a Clover!”

💚 “A…Clover?”

🌼 “Yeah! You ward off evil. You’re green all over. So How about…Lucky?”

—————————————————

- Quality Time -

💚 Luigi ends up loving taking strolls around the castle with Daisy. Whether it is in the Palace Gardens, or by lakes and rivers. Even Flower fields, where he’ll even attentively listen to her pointing out the new things.

💚 Luigi May end up getting challenged when he goes out on hiking trips with Daisy. The first few trips, he ends up faltering behind a little (He has bad knees everyone!), But Daisy would often slow her pace down a little so he can keep up. She doesn’t mind one bit. But overtime, he pushes to improve himself, in which he now is actually able to keep up by her side. She’s extremely proud of him

💚🌼 The Camping trips together are always fun though! Well, excluding some Minor scares and freak outs from the local wildlife at night. Luigi Teaching Daisy the classic treat of making a S’more. While Daisy would do something shared from her own land sometimes!

🌼 Daisy loves whenever she and Luigi get to go on one of their ‘Sports dates’, and is usually the one initiating these meetups (Knows all the good places!) while Luigi throws in suggestions. Usually consisting of Golfing especially. She is more knowledgeable in the technique, which she ends up teaching Luigi what she already knows. She likes to jokingly say that he’s “Learning from the best!”

🌼 If they end up moving in together and sharing the same bed, Daisy would be the type to wake up a bit earlier than Luigi does. Then goes back again to get some extra sleep hours. She has this little habit where she can’t help but give a little kiss on his cheek by then. If he continues to sleep, she lets him be. But if he ends up wanting to be woken up by this, she starts to go in for more kisses. Some of them are quick ticklish to him!

All until she’s gazing back at sleepy half-open eyes, A lopsided smile, and a very happy green Plumber who’s morning has just been made even better!

💚 On Luigi’s part, he’s the one who sleeps the last. Letting Daisy sleep first before him, as he sometimes has a bit of work he needs to attend to. Or just simply reading a few pages of his favourite book beside her.

• When he notices a lock of her hair astray on her face, he ends up brushing it aside for her. In that moment, he seriously cannot believe that this beautiful fiery woman is his beloved, and is right next to him.

- Receiving Gifts -

💚 It is a popular head canon going around that Daisy is very into gardening. So, Luigi would even go out of his way to brush up on said topics about Gardening and nature just for Daisy. Same thing that he would do when it comes to her other interests, just so he knows what to get her!

💚 He has really great callback memory, in which he is able to remember most of the conversations he would have with Daisy when she talks about various plants. Including seeds and flora she wishes she could obtain to grow in her castle Garden. So! Every often, he would visit the local markets or shops in the town, where he would check up all the latest imports/exports to see if he can find some uncommon, or even rare seeds for him to collect for her. If it’s something from Brooklyn, he most likely tries to buy seeds of flowers for her smaller pot plants!

If he goes on adventures with Mario, he does something similar where he collects various trinkets or souvenirs for him to take home for her, or send to her by mail.

🌼 Daisy is definitely more extravagant, and a bit more ‘flashy’ when it comes to gift giving. She does not do this to show off. She 100% fully believes that her believed deserves the best he can get…Even if it ends up giving him the biggest of blushes. And just so happens she can’t stop gushing about it either in her own way!

🌼 Actually at first, she might have been giving him ‘Weird’ gifts for the first few times when they became a couple. They’re not offensive gifts! But they were a result of her having misunderstood some of his hobbies and likes at the beginning. But never in bad faith, as she genuinely tried to guess what would make Luigi happy. But luckily with help from Peach and Mario, she got good results. And long the way, she started getting better at gift-giving.

🌼 I mean, have you seen that Golden statue of her and Luigi in her own Mario Kart Course? If she was the one who commissioned that, she would totally go THAT far.

🌼 She would go on a secret calling spree, prepare a huge birthday with all of his favorite foods, invite literally all of his friends and family as a complete surprise. Making the Green man crying out of happiness.

🌼 Well, not exactly a traditional kind of gift. But just for him, Daisy would end up wearing cute dresses or other outfits. Something he likes. But that’s because we all can’t deny, Daisy is still Daisy. She still loves to tease Luigi one way or another.

Green Bro may have been staring a little too long, as the Princess walks by in a tank-top and shorts combo!

[mrsnancywheeler]

can’t help but wonder what daisy has to say about billy and his muse… hmm. i feel like she’d have some words about muse’s age, how young she is, and since she’s always starting fights with billy to begin with i can’t imagine it would do poor muse any good. i think daisy would feel some sort of kinship with her because of their shared experiences with absent parents and getting into bad situations with people older than them, i just don’t believe she would handle it responsibly 💀 wanting to help muse develop her own sound and come into herself musically outside of billy dunne and the rest of the band turns into holing up at daisy’s place for days on end and getting ridiculously high together. and i doubt billy would be too happy with his girl showing up completely strung out after vanishing off the face of the earth for a week either. hanging out with daisy feels good but frequently makes things worse instead of better. they’re so interesting i love thinking about them

I'm literally sat for this, I've been thinking about this since it was sent it and need to doscuss with y'all

okay so timeline wise I imagine muse met billy when they were still just the six but like after they'd gained some fame. obviously in this universe there's no camilla, I'd never hurt my girl more, and so billy is just a ticking time bomb of fame and ego and all of his dreams. and he's good but not as good as he thinks he is so when teddy has the idea to give an edge to the six by a collaboration with daisy jones he's still obviously very pissed but now muse is there too, there relationship is probably like 6 months old or so.

and daisy is changing lyrics, she brings so much energy into the studio, she's fun, and muse is young and I think instantly drawn to the magnetic field of daisy jones. kind of in awe of daisy which billy can't fathom because he's too busy being miffed about the whole ordeal. and in this version look at us now is about muse and billy, and daisy see's right through the original lyrics and her changes make muse feel more seen. so she listens to billy bitch and moan but secretly agrees.

and muse definitely pushes for daisy to be in the band, "billy's an ass, but everyone thinks you should join. he'll get over it eventually and realize."

and daisy is just open and honest about her thoughts right off the bat, "why do you stay with him? if he's an ass, then why?"

and muse is taken aback but also honest back because it feels right, "I don't want anyone else. not the way I want him."

daisy does get to join the band and with that she learns a lot more about muse and billy, more to dislike about the arrangement. muse is so young and attached, the only other person she turns to is eddie who obviously also wants to be with her, and daisy feels like any spark that muse has is quelled to play cheerleader for billy. and she respects that muse doesn't want to be a star but she tells her to write, or to talk and daisy will cultivate the ideas.

daisy definitely gets involved in a couple of fights that muse and billy have. "plenty of groupies to go around, don't need one wasting my goddamn time"

"don't fucking talk to her like that!"

"daisy-" you're trying to deescalate because you knows daisy and billy just make the fight worse.

"she's a person, a child, not something you get to call whatever you want when you're pissed off." daisy's turning to you, "c'mon let's go get some air, away from this asshole."

"you can't just walk out of rehearsal, daisy!" billy's calling after but you let daisy guide you.

"watch me!" and you and daisy are sitting outside, she's handing you some pill that you barely question before taking.

"you know, it's okay, it's just the way it is. no reason to fight more because of it."

"no, it's not okay. you know just because he's older and gives you what you crave doesn't mean you need him, right?"

you pause, "I know." you sigh, "daisy, I'm not a baby. I can take care of myself, I know what's going on."

"sure you do, chickadee." and suddenly it's like something lights within her and she's searching her pockets for a paper of napkin, "do you have something to write with?" and she ends up scribbling something you're not allowed to see on a napkin with your lipstick. eventually she makes it a song about you. and then your though and frustrations eventually become many many more songs.

and once during one of the breaks where they've got some time rather than muse spending time with billy she goes to hang out with daisy, which ends up being the whole of the break. she's with daisy, screaming out every frustration into metaphors daisy is scribbling out as they dance around to records taking every pill daisy can get hands on, lines off every surface, so many bottles completely empty. and whenever you just want to call billy or sometimes eddie, daisy totally encourages against it because, "you don't need them!" and when it's finally time to go back to the studio daisy has started to realize she handles highs terribly but better than you, who's not used to taking nearly as much as daisy does.

once they're stepping out of that taxi, billy's first words quickly form from a, "where the hell were you?" to a , "what is she on?" hands softly gripping your face, looking into her eyes, knowing you're gonna feels like crap later. and he's gonna end up nursing you out of a bender, daisy's kind of scared that you were so out of it by the end. so it creates another conflict when she's saying billy is horrible to you and billy brings up how she usually gets you too high to function.

let me know y'all's thoughts bc I'm definitely already cooking up more

[minominq]

keiwa is an ordinary person weighted with the idea of a kamen rider and forced to face mind-breaking obstacles with the expectation that he’ll come out as the true hero. but he’s an ordinary person, albeit kind. he isn’t someone special for the qualities he’s born with. he’s special because of the situations he found himself in. 

he wasn’t created by the goddess like neon and ace. nor does he have the headstrong mentality to be able to move forward no matter what like michinaga. he grew up with a normal family, experiencing everything ordinary until the death of his parents and his meeting with ace. 

and it’s where kekera is wrong, because keiwa does not come out of tragedy as the very concept of a kamen rider. at his very core, keiwa is an ordinary person, not meant to shoulder the weight of the world.

keiwa, instead of coming out strong, breaks. 

his desire, as much as it is kind, is flimsy. it’s vague and it seems strange that keiwa still wanted to pursue it despite angrily telling ace that the goddess sacrificed people like his family, who were content with their lives.

but it makes sense because keiwa is like any other person. he isn’t a hero, he’s the everyday guy who wants the best for everyone but wants the best for his family first.

keiwa does care for the victims of the dgp. it’s why he made the wish in the first place, after seeing players die and disappear, leaving their family worried and confused. but just like maslow’s hierarchy of needs, keiwa has a hierarchy, whether he realizes or not, of what he values the most.

and throughout the story, you see his values twist and crumble, until he’s unable to focus on anything but his own wish. even when criticized by michinaga and ace, keiwa either doesn’t see the flaws in his rhetoric or completely ignores it because there is something more important to him. it’s only when his wish comes true and he’s faced with the inescapable reality that he finally sees it, but it’s too late.

keiwa is the ordinary individual who suffers from tunnel-vision. it’s why he doesn’t see anything wrong with taking tsumuri, even knowing that she’s done nothing wrong, because his family holds more weight than anything else. it’s why he blames ace for not punishing the goddess that tsumuri was taken, than his own fault and inability to understand that mitsume was a victim as well. 

because keiwa has been forced to face so much more than an average individual could handle, and because everything he once believed was destroyed and changed, that he changed as well, twisting beyond recognition.

but with everything keiwa has done in disregard of others, consequences sure are to come. just the way his family died the moment his world began, he’ll have to experience the karma of his own actions. 

and i wonder for a moment if keiwa will be able to come out of his fine. if he’ll come out changed for the better or utterly destroyed. 

[fimproda]

Anotha question

Whats a fond memory you have from your time as a writer, either this Acotar fics or the previous ones? Has there been any reader comment you liked specially? Can you name some top 5 good experiences?

These asks are getting better and better, this is so interesting!

I have many, many fond memories of my time as a writer. Let me give a top 5 on this topic as well, and then I'll list my best experiences with readers.

It was the Year of the Lord 2020, November 5th if I recall correctly. I had started my first year of university on September 30th, and for my very first semester, the only subjects I had were General and Inorganic Chemistry I, General and Inorganic Chemistry Laboratory, and Maths I. It was a Wednesday. Usually, we would've had two hours of GenChem in the morning and two hours of Maths in the afternoon, but the professors had decided to switch for that day, so our lesson of GenChem started at 3 PM and should've gone on until 5 PM. Now, our GenChem professor was quite old and nearing retirement, and it had already happened that he'd cut lessons short because he'd gotten tired. That day, he ended the lesson after only one hour had passed, and I found myself staring at my computer screen at 4 in the afternoon without nothing to do. I don't know what drove me to open a document and type 4k words in one sitting, but I did it. I finished House of Cards that day, one year and a half since my latest update.

Speaking of House of Cards, I won the 2019 Wattys with that story. I remember that I was doing my homework, around 3 or 4 PM, and I either got an email from Wattpad or a message from one of my acquantainces that I'd met on Wattpad (I don't recall which one of these happened first) telling me that I'd won. I just smiled, texted my friends, told my readers and followers, and got back to my homework. The Wattys had never been a great deal for me, to be honest, but I dare anyone not to be happy when you've won something.

In 2022, watching Bridgerton season 2 and reading Tower of Dawn inspired me a great deal to write Daisy, chapter... 4? 5? Let's see if @zoyalannister has a clearer memory; I believe it was chapter 4.

Speaking of Zoya, I wrote from scratch a huge chunk of one chapter of her story How (not) to end a feud, which I was only supposed to edit. It was either chapter 6 or 7 (or maybe even 5, I truly don't recall), and I worked on it from the afternoon all the way into the night, until like 3 AM. Everyone who knows me well, including Zoya, knows that I am not a night owl by any means and I'm usually asleep by 11 PM, so me being awake at that late hour was quite unique, and in fact hasn't happened since.

Last year, I watched the last episode of Queen Charlotte, cried, and wrote a good 70% of Constellations, chapter 3 all at once.

And now for the reader experiences:

Let's start with House of Cards again. During my time on Wattpad, my friends bore witness to the many, many, truly dumb comments and/or reviews I got on my story. We were so used to it that, when the time came that I finally got a decent one, we full-on celebrated. If I had to number the actually good reviews I received, I'd say 5: one from Caterina, one from Rebecca, one from Elisa F., one from Elisa S. (who is one of my best friends now), and one from Giulia. Their comments and reviews are my Roman Empire; I think about them every day.

My grandma read all my old stories, the ones I wrote in Italian, and we used to have hour-long conversations about them. I don't know what else to say about this, I think it's enough. Pity that she doesn't know a single English word; it's been too long since I heard her opinion on one of my works.

The second comment I got on Hydrangea, soon after posting it on AO3: survivegladers said "A very well written story! I was able to really feel and understand Grace's feeling through the events! It's indeed an incredibly deep narrative that was handled in an assertive way." @zoyalannister and I were shitting ourselves in fear over that story, so when we got this comment, we were able to finally release the breath we'd been holding for days.

Literally every comment I got on In the shadow of a dream. I'd written it without much care or thought, in no more than 3/4 hours, when barely a day had passed since its conception. I was not expecting the overwhelming (and overwhelmingly positive) response from the public, and I'll always be grateful to the ACoTaR fandom for being so active and engaging.

Again, literally every comment on Constellations, chapter 3. I took a gigantic leap of faith with that chapter, choosing to voice some thoughts and ideas that I knew much of the fandom would consider wrong or at least controversial. I remember I'd just returned home from pilates when I got the first comment, which was a simple "Wow", and I couldn't bring myself to read it in a positive light: I kept thinking it meant something like "Wow, this is a load of bullshit". Thanfully, that reader then did me the favor to write something more and elaborate, and it did end up being a positive opinion. Another reader then kept answering my answers to her comments, so we struck up a conversation in the comment section. But to be fair, all my Constellations readers are wonderful people, @panaryn and @generalnesta above all others.

[sophieinwonderland]

look a lot of us dont even think "proselytizing bad". We think "proselytizing dangerous to vulnerable people" and we think you are not well equipped to handle it in a nuanced manner when youre so god damn self righteous about it. you are talking to a community of vulnerable people and whether you want to admit it or not you are casting too wide of a net to hide behind "well it's a neutral action!" you Have to understand that using that kind of language is going to Accidentally do what anti-endos think you're trying to do on purpose: pull someone into tulpamancy that might actually seriously get hurt by it or needs some other kind of help

and like, i can only assume this isnt your intention, and yeah you can't control everything that happens to everyone. but idk it seems like youre just being intentionally dense about this specific issue. ofc proselytizing is neutral, like everything else in life. but the way youre doing it is like blind firing from the hip in a community half shared with people who have severe problems with dissociation.

your refusal to budge on this has honestly finally made me unable to agree with you on this one. it really looks like youre more interested in winning an arbitrary argument rather than face the fact that "Join The Plural Cult~" isnt even the kind of activism we need or want. Like the fuck is that even gonna do. Do you think it's a sheer numbers game and once we outnumber singlets/medical systems We Win or something. I thought the future is plural Didnt literally mean "make more plurals"

like at this point youre stirring the pot, on one website, for fun basically, right? like, doing a bit of trolling? it's just that it's pissing off like, way more than just antis and neutrals now

The post that started this wasn't even supposed to target anti-endos.

It was a hypothetical asking how conservative Christians would feel if we started using the same tactics they do. The funny thing about the post that started this was that it was really them that I was trying to piss off.

Or at least... experiment with. See what happens if I introduce the fear of tulpamancers planting tulpas in the heads of some conservatives. How would they react?

Sadly, none were biters.

While I wasn't serious about it though, I'd be lying if I said this wasn't a topic I've considered a lot. Both the negatives and the positives.

Do you think it's a sheer numbers game and once we outnumber singlets/medical systems We Win or something. I thought the future is plural Didnt literally mean "make more plurals"

Yes. Of course it's a numbers game. If you live in a Democracy, then numbers matter. Whether it's the actual numbers of plurals or just allies, having a majority is going to be important, eventually. I don't expect a majority of people to make tulpas, but it is true that the more people who do, the better it will be for us.

Mostly... People who make tulpas from pressure or without fully thinking things through can actually damage the reputation of tulpamancy if things go poorly, which is one reason I won't go full-out on using the exact tactics as mainstream religions. (The other being the moral issues of leading to more abandoned tulpas in the world, which is the opposite of why I started this blog.)

Either way, making more plurals IS part of "the future is plural." Acceptance requires numbers. And even if it didn't, awareness would inherently introduce the idea of plurality to more people who will try it out.

And I firmly believe that's a good thing.

And regardless of people's feelings on the matter... I think the idea of spreading tulpamancy should at least be a discussion on the table. Using the word proselytize is intentionally provocative. But I think the idea behind it may still have merit.

[vyladromeave]

2 and 28 for the ask game?

02. favorite main character, side-character, ship, and villain?

Favorite Main Character: Tied between Aphmau and Laurance tbh??? Laurance is without a doubt the best-written character over the course of MCD, given he gets two whole seasons of being part of the main cast while most people only have one. But Aphmau herself has really really grown on me over the years! Really given how much happens to her, she's very unique as a character, and I really like the incredibly specific "naive girl who doesn't know how the world works has to go out and figure out how to live" archetype and she fits into there perfectly lol.

Favorite Side Character: Vylad. Have you heard of him. You may have heard of him. He should've been a main character I cannot believe he got sidelined so hard. Hes the REASON WHY APHMAU EXISTS WHAT DO YOU MEAN AARON GETS MORE SCREENTIME THAN HIM WHAT DO YOU MEA

Favorite Ship: I like Vylance (Vylad/Laurance) a lot :) I feel like I don't talk about it a lot because a lot of it to me is either A: Kind of weird because neither of these guys know how to hold a healthy relationship or be honest about emotions they experience in general. or B: Extremely sappy and therefore embarrassing to post about. But I think their dynamic is very interesting and I wish it was a much wider spread thing ^-^

Favorite Villain: Honestly MCD doesn't have a lot of Villains it handles well.... Ivy was incredibly fun but the stuff surrounding her was weird and then she died too fast... The Shadow Lord never got to be a character until S3 and by then he was gross and weird and not an actual interesting/threatening villain... Gene is kind of the same they didn't actually utilize him a lot on screen despite him being very interesting.... I like Sasha a lot but I don't think she really counts as a Villain... Same for Zenix he's in a weird gray area to me..... Parts of Michi are fun but there are a lot of implications around her that really Arent and also her motives are just not thought through at all.... Garte is never on screen once.... The Demon Warlock had potential but mostly he just kinda felt placed in there out of nowhere...

I guess Zane wins by default mostly because everyone else tripped and fell at the finish line. There are parts of him I don't like (why did you try to publicly turn a baby into a shadowknight when your greatest advantage is that you are a trusted public figure) but overall I think he was handled better than any other big villain we encounter. So congrats Zane you win !!

(I already answered question 28 at the end of this post here! ^-^)

(ask prompts from here!)

[andromedadoesntwrite]

Don't Kiss and Tell; Better Yet Don't Kiss at All

Okay, so this is my first time posting a fic, so have mercy on me :). Enjoy the first chapter of a little Modern day AU teenage everlark story I'm working on.

Summary: After a drunken tantrum, Katniss is left feeling unwanted and foolish. Meanwhile Peeta is left feeling confused and guilty.

sidenote: i listened to sextape by deftones while writing katniss' pov and good intent by kimbra while writing peeta's. idk might enhance reading experience :)

Chapter 1: Don’t Kiss and Tell; Better Yet, Don’t Kiss at All

Katniss 

"God, is the idea of kissing me so disgusting to you?"

I say to Peeta as he refuses to kiss me. His eyes are glassy, and I can't help but roll my eyes in response and hide the small bite of pain in my voice with a small chuckle. It's just a silly, drunken dare that everyone’s done at least once in their life. The fact that we've been friends since forever makes it, honestly, a tad insulting. It may have to do with the fact that I’ve had a few more shots than I can handle, but I find it a bit offensive that my best friend finds me repulsive and unkissable. 

"Kat, I'm not kissing you, okay?"

He says as he puts his hands on my shoulders. His strong and firm demeanor pisses me off even more. He's treating me like a child, a drunk child. I can't help but push his shoulders off and scowl. This is gonna be great for my self-esteem. But to be honest, I'm just a bit hurt that he immediately said no when Jo dared him. As he says it, I just scoff and chuckle in disbelief at how serious he's taking this whole thing, but to be fair he isn’t the one close to tears here.

"Fine, fine. I get it… Jo dare him to do something else because apparently kissing me is too far."

Trying to seem unbothered and unamused is way harder when you’re three shots into the night. So instead, I just look somewhere else to avoid his gaze. His desperately looking for mine, I assume to look into my eyes and puke as he realizes I'm not enough for him.

"Kat, listen- it's not like that."

He says in a hurried voice as the rest of the group moves on from him to the next person to dare. None of them care, they're either too high or drunk to care. The only comfort I find in it is that at least no one seems to notice how badly my eyes itch to cry. God, this is so stupid. I knew it was all just in my head.

"Hey, Peeta… I get it. No hard feelings."

I say trying to smile as I can’t believe I'm actually affected by this. He’s allowed to not want to do it; I just didn't expect him to be so utterly against it.

"No, Katniss, let me explain…"

I don't even let him finish as I get up and decide I'm just gonna head out for the night. I've had way too much to drink, and it's making me way too emotional. That must be it as I feel my head spin when I get up. That's just it, it's the night’s fault, not my unrequited crush on my bestfriend. His voice follows me as I gather my things and leave. I look at Jo and nod my head to signal I wanna leave. She's a great friend because she doesn't even question it and gets up to leave with me, scowling at Peeta. Funny how we actually became friends through him. 

"Way to go, Asshole."

Jo helps me into the passenger side of her car and sighs whenever she can’t get my seatbelt on me. I feel like a bag of bones with the urge to do nothing but cry myself to sleep. She mutters curses under her breath as she finally gets me securely seated in her car. 

"If you puke or even think about puking, you’re dead, Brainless"

She warns me in full seriousness but for a reason that gets a laugh out of me. A maniacal laugh that I then feel turns into a silent sob into the side of the passenger seat. I must be insane since I can't remember the last time I cried in front of someone—well,  someone that wasn’t Peeta. And that was a bad thought to have because now I can’t stop thinking about how badly he didn’t wanna kiss me tonight. I feel like I cry for hours as Johanna tries her best to soothe me. I don’t even bother on telling her that she doesn't need to even though I sense how hard of a time she's having at seeming caring. I instead just let myself be patted on the head by one of Jo’s hands as the other drives us home. It's only when the car stops that I manage to stop the tears rolling down my now aching face. I turn my head up and find Jo with an uncomfortable expression on her face as she tries to seem empathetic. I can’t blame her. This has never been our dynamic. This is something that Peeta does best. 

"Hey I’m sorry-"

"Its okay Jo."

I say through the snot on my upper lip and I can see her shoulders visually relax as she sighs, being freed of the awkward conversation she felt we needed to have. She already did more than enough anyways and I appreciate her. No matter how uncomfortable it might be next week in school. I get out of her car and stumble slightly as I get home. Hoping Haymitch is passed out by this hour. Fortunately he is, so I sneak to my room and fall asleep. Tired, sore and embarrassed. 

Peeta 

I think I'd rather die and go to hell than having to stand another sermon from my mom’s church youth pastor. I can’t believe mom got dad to drag Ryen and I to church hungover. It's like she knows and just wants to punish us, because when have we ever been devoted Christians? Certainly not when mom got pregnant with Oliver when she was 18 and certainly not after all the dumb shit Ryen saw me do last night. But the worst thing of all is that by sitting down in these uncomfortable chairs and being forced to silently listen to this 19 year old tell us all about temptation and carnal sins, I’m left to do nothing but think about Katniss’ insulted expression as I refused to kiss her. Her scowl turned into a soft dejected face as I said I wouldn't. It left me reeling as she left the party way earlier than what I knew she had intended. Leading me to take less than honorable decisions. My head hurts just to think about how much I drank last night. All in hope to get rid of the confusion of her expression. Why did she look so hurt? I wasn’t gonna kiss her. Not for a dare and not when she was borderline drunk. Not like that. Maybe I should've just kissed her. Maybe it would have helped prevent how offended she got and maybe she would have stayed the rest of the night. But I simply could not.

"Why do you look so depressed?"

Ryen asks me with a whisper and an elbow nudge, snapping me out of my daze. 

"I’m just hungover"

I whisper back to him, never dropping my eyes from the pastor as he goes on and on about sex before marriage or whatever the fuck he’s been rambling about for the past hour. Ryen eyes me and shoots me a look that calls out my bullshit. I ignore it, feigning sudden interest in the sermon. 

"So it has nothing to do with a certain black-haired archer?"

My eyes snap back to him with a surprised look and before I can even ask how he knows, he rolls his eyes at me and laughs.

"Your friend Finn told me that might be the reason you decided to get so wasted last night."

My cheeks are now tinted pink. He's gonna tease me about it forever, fuck. I dart my eyes to my hands to hide how embarrassed I am. Hopefully only God knows how much I’ve wanted to kiss her. Ever since I first met her on our first day of kindergarten. Ever since I heard her sing the Valley Song at our school’s choir. Ever since I offered to share my lunch with her when I saw she had none. Ever since I’ve known her my heart has undeniably beaten for her. And to know I hurt her last night is killing me. Ryen thankfully doesn’t press me for details and instead just goes back to listening to the pastor. Usually he’d tell me to move on or confess to her already but today I’m glad he doesn’t. 

The pastor or better said dropout-who-happens-to-be-the-head-pastor-Crane’s kid lets us go and we meet back with our parents at the outside of the church. My mom shoots Ryen and me a deadly look that without any words scolds us for drinking too much last night. So this was a punishment all along. We get home and I do nothing but paint my frustrations away. Debating on whether I should text her or simply wait for Monday to come and force me to talk to her. I finally decided to leave it up to fate and to just go to bed for the night. Hopefully my pillow gives me the answers I need. 

[autumn-foxfire]

It still surprises me that people take Scaramouche’s perspective of betrayals as fact. I’m not saying that his feelings on what happened after being hurt many times are not valid. They ARE. It just baffles me how people are willing to take his warped perspective of reality as truth. His past experiences were only betrayals from HIS perspective. He chose to use anger as an unhealthy coping mechanism and using that as fuel to keep going to fulfill his own goals at the time.

The only betrayal that was actually real was Dottore manipulating certain events to make sure that the puppet would end up in the hands of the Fatui.

Regarding the matter with Ei, it was more a case of miscommunication and misunderstanding. Deeming him unfit to hold the Gnosis, she instead sought to free him and live his life the way he deemed fit rather than dispose of him. Scaramouche obviously didn’t see it that way. Yes, he’s allowed to feel negative emotions towards his creator, and Ei certainly could have done far better at getting her message across at the very least, but to call it a betrayal is a bit of a stretch in my opinion.

Then there’s the matter about the sick child. Scaramouche was still hurting over his perceived betrayal by the person he trusted most and was obviously not prepared to handle another loss. Besides, that child was young and innocent, and he probably believed that he’d be able to stay with him and be a family together despite his illness, but did not anticipate that he’d be leaving so soon. And because Scaramouche did not have anyone else to go to for comfort, he was forced to deal with his own emotions by himself, which didn’t really go so well. To him, the child breaking his promise was an act of betrayal. But we, the audience, should know that this is a one-sided perspective.

I didn't know people did? For the most part, the betrayals weren't actually betrayals, one was framed as one by the Dottore and the other was called a betrayal because of the Wanderer's trauma from the previous betrayal and loss of everyone important to him.

I will play devil's advocate on Ei though. I wouldn't say it was just a case of miscommunication and misunderstanding. Ei did abandon the puppet she had created, who saw her as a mother. She created a life and than gave it no direction and left to wonder why he had even been born.

Now, Ei didn't mean for her actions to come across that way as she too was suffering from the heavy trauma of losing everyone she held dear to her and was seeking a way to avoid dealing with that. She was in no way in the right headspace to act like the mother her creation needed but to leave him the way she did wasn't the correct choice either. It's tragic and I can't help but wonder if it would be similar to giving up your child for adoption, though in this case, Ei left him by himself and not with the support of others that he needed.

I can see why you wouldn't want to call it a betrayal in that case as it touches on a subject that most people would find controversial. I think regardless though, the Wanderer would have felt the string of abandonment and that's something that can't be helped.

It's sad that we'll probably never get to see this rift heal and for Ei to reflect on these actions and the affect it had on her creation but it's also true that sometimes the best way to heal from hurt like this is to move forward and cut that person from your life. It's why I'm not to upset about the direction of the interlude quest though others are.

Honestly I can sum up the behaviour of all these characters with the word TRAUMA.

[palaceofimperium]

5

Seeing that Yael was doing just fine, Abriella moved along the table, stopping before the beautiful Nephilim who resembled her sister so much that some often got them confused.  “Phaedra, it is said that you and Yael are very close as sisters and resemble each other in a plethora of ways, so it seems only fitting that you would be similar in that you are both going to have two guides to help you here in Imperium.  In her case it was their decision to work together to uniquely help her, each  in their own unique way.  In your case, the situation is slightly different. I honestly could not decide which of them would be better suited to help you, as they are so similar in personality to one another, and how I believed they would mesh with you.  Although others would disagree with this, I think that them working together is a fabulous idea, and when I discussed this with them, well they loved the idea as well.”  Brie chuckled and shook her head.  Deacon’s head dropped and he shook it as well, a groanish laugh escaping him.  Yael looked concerned about what was going on until he leaned over and whispered something in her ear, something that made her giggle. “I believe that both Thinius and Dez will be excellent in helping you discern the direction that you should be taking in the future now that you have left the angelic legion as a warrior.  Be careful, Thinius might try to recruit you for our own, which you are always welcome to join.” There was a bit of tease in Abriella’s voice as she winked at Pheadra.  She was half serious, but she had a feeling that Pheadra would be better suited for some other rolls she had discussed with both the males that would be helping her get situated in Imperium.  “Dez is also needing some help in discerning the direction that he should be taking, as he was given a role by The Source which has at times quite frustrated him and left him not sure of his place in things.  You are both starting new chapters in your life, so you will have that in common to help one another with.  I believe that you’ll both have had unique experiences that will assist you in guiding  one another as you move forward, and being supportive of the bumps that may come.  So again, like your sister, you and one of your guides will be helping each other with fresh starts.  I also think these are just the males to handle that perkiness of yours, and possibly go along with it in ways that some here may wish they didn’t.  Just do not drive everyone else too insane with the perkiness.”  Now Brie laughed outright as she gave Pheadra a cheeky wink, as did many at the table, Phaedra included who blushed.

Dez had been waiting for this; when he heard Abriella star talking to Pheadra, he’d started bouncing on his toes.  Since she had mentioned the spunky little Nephilim coming to live in Imperium he’d been looking forward to finally meeting her.  This was his do-over for what happened when Brie had come to live with them in the Nephilim Sanctuary in Chicago.  That was when he and Talon had fucked everything up due to stupid jealousy that led to a major and brutal fight.  It had been that fight that had caused so much upset and heartache in the end, for more than just Abriella.  Now he had a chance to do more, and to help healing instead of causing upset.  He and Thinnius were gonna slay this shit and have too much fun doin it with a chick that sounded cool as fuck to boot.  For him though, this was so much more and he’d even talked to Div about it, making promises that this time, this time he was going to get it right. Unlike Leandre and Deacon, neither Dez nor Thinius were in suits.  Unlike Thanases, they weren’t in their leathers either.  No, neither of those fit their personalities too much.  The boys were in hoodies and jeans when they came out of the side room together with cocky swaggers.  Both of them were grinning like fools and looked just as excited as they were.  Yes, they were gonna help Phaedra get settled in Imperium, but they were also going to have fun.  Abriella had said they were going to be three peas in a pod, and that is exactly what they were expecting to happen.  .

One plopped down on each side of her, no grand introduction or anything. No bowing or greeting her like a visiting dignitary.  “He’s Thinnius.  Don’t call him T, that’s Talon that you’ll meet in a minute, call him that and then everyone gets confused.  I call him Blondey or Chaos.”  Dez grinned.  “I’m Dez.  You’re gonna love me.  I know it.  You’re gonna love him too, just not as much.”

For a minute she didn’t know what to say and then Phaedra just broke out laughing.  She liked them already.  Thinius was grinning and Dez was a hoot.  Abriella had picked them perfectly.  She could feel the energy radiating off of them and they were PERFECT to help her feel at home.  Seeing Yael steadily relaxing between the two men on either side of her, who were both touching her (something she never thought would happen), just made it even better.  “Chaos and Mr. Cocky.  Got it.”  Phaedra grinned as she looked between them with a mischievous smirk and twinkle in her eye that matched, which caused them both to laugh.  Yes, this was going to be awesome!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW a vent maybe? Maybe abuse definitely messy family shit

I feel like my family is abusive. Which is. Weird ig, because it's not physical. The most "physical" it's ever been was lol when I was little and got my mouth washed out with soap all the time for sticking out my tongue. Nothing violent ever happened. Its just words. Words that don't count bc we're "family". Nothing ever matters when it happens to me tho. It's always just something I need to handle by myself. I have to " stop being so sensitive" or "stop fighting back" or "learn to be quiet"... It doesn't count bc it's my siblings or its my parents...that's shit you're supposed to work out on your own. Everyone has family issues so I figure everyone else must be this miserable too.

But I get so tired. I figure ok I'm not made for this life, yknow? I'm too sensitive, so its on me. But I don't like being constantly put down, I don't like it when I voice a boundary and instead of people listeningz they think "oh shoot a new way to hurt this person's feelings! Yay" and not only do they get encouraged for that but I get in trouble for being upset. I don't like being bullied by siblings or by my dad and I don't like how I'm a nuisance to my mom if I complain or fight back when they do it but I'm also nothing more to her than someone to vent to. I don't like that I'm the black sheep of the family. I don't like that I keep getting told that if I'm the only one upset or the only one really hurt, then what happened didn't matter. Bc it's a "majority rules" house and I've never been part of the majority. I feel like I've never been home and I'm so sick of wishing I could be. I don't want to call what I'm going through abusive bc 1. That's scary and 2. I could be wrong and just be another kid getting up in arms over shit that doesn't really matter bc it happens to everyone. Even though I don't even believe kids like that are really running around all the time lol and I'm also an adult. So. Yeah. But I really, really wish someone would just toss me some advice or tell me I'm not just a fucking wimp or say "what's happening is fucked"-I want someone to say " that isn't normal" or SOMETHING. I want help. I want someone to give af. I wanna hear that I'm in a bad situation and someday, Ill find a home. I don't know how to explain it but I just want whatever anyone can offer. If you just post this as a vent and nothing else, that's fine too, I guess I'm just grasping at straws and I'll take anything at this point

-Luci

Hi Luci,

I'm sorry about what you've been through. You don't deserve to go through this. You're right that these things aren't normal.

While I know that a lot of people have experienced soap in the mouth as punishment, it's actually not okay and there are better ways to discipline. Plus, it sounds like unusually cruel punishment for just sticking out your tongue.

Please remember that abuse doesn't have to be physical to be valid, and it doesn't have to be physical to be violent either. Also please remember that abusers are more likely to be people you know, such as family, so being family isn't really an excuse for doing hurtful and traumatizing things. Verbal and emotional abuse are real, and it can absolutely happen within families.

I know you've been told a lot that you're too sensitive and such, but you're really reacting in an expected way because it's expected to cry out if you're hurt. I feel like someone who says "you're too sensitive" is only trying to be hurtful, because they should be more mindful of how that may affect you.

As far as calling it abusive, it's completely up to you how you label or describe your experiences, but it may be helpful to imagine it in a different way. Let's say I'm living in a house with some housemates, and they tell me to stop fighting back, that I'm too sensitive, and to learn to be quiet. They constantly say degrading things to me and violate my boundaries, and they justify it because we're friends. I'm always the scapegoat and when we have meetings they all vote for things I don't agree on. Is this abusive? The answer may be clearer to you. Ultimately, it isn't right. Whether or not you want to call it abusive is completely up to you.

I hope that you can reach a place soon where you could maybe limit some contact with them so they can not only potentially realize the gravity of their actions but you can improve your mental health. I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[hexalianrebel-blackfeathers]

(Definitely also check out this person's take in the thread, but here I go)

I think it's important to preface that OP is correct in that Peter should have acted, just as a basic adult helping a child in a critical situation. But while the post I linked goes into why he doesn't from a few character perspectives, there's a big piece of OP's point that always stuck out and bothered me:

Peter B Parker is NOT Gwen's mentor. He never was.

At no point in either film is Peter B put in a position to even resemble a teaching figure to her. The first thing she does in her reveal scene as Spider-Woman is one-up him by saving him and Miles during the forest fight. She infiltrates Alchemax on her own and without being spotted at all while Peter and Miles are bumbling through the vents and getting thrown around by Doc Ock. At the time, in those moments, she didn't even need a mentor.

(Frankly, I hesitate to call him Miles' "mentor" sometimes. They were together for, like, 48 hours at most, and what did he really teach him besides learning to swing properly? He's an experienced Spider-Man, an adult that Miles could defer to in the crisis, and a good friend by the end of it, but a "mentor"...?)

I admit I'm biased to not liking Jessica. Her catty tone with Gwen when she messed up triggered too many flashbacks with peers and family. But the reason she's framed as the failed mentor is because she is, on several points, Gwen's mentor.

She advocated, rightly or wrongly, to bring Gwen into Spider Society as soon as she saw her skills, despite knowing Miguel would say no; and, more importantly, knowing why he would say no. Especially after what happened with Gwen's father, Jessica was the one who stepped up and took her under her wing. To the point where it is either well-known around Spider Society--or just a sarcastically thrown running joke--that Gwen is her "star pupil".

Going back to the crux of the issue, though; that being adults standing by while children are in situations they can't handle, I ask everyone this:

Why was Gwen sent to track the Spot in the first place?! Better yet: Why was she sent ALONE?!

Earth-1610 is borderline off-limits because Miguel doesn't want Miles to interact with Spider Society. Gwen is the ONE person who is most likely to screw up that piece of the puzzle. Why was she even allowed to go back? We learn later that her watch can be denied access from dimension jumping, so why can't she be blocked from certain dimensions?

Spider Society--meaning Miguel and Jessica, at the bare minimum--are aware that the Spot is multidimensional threat potential. At that stage, he could peer and reach into other dimensions through portals he was pulling off of his own body. That is not even remotely on par with knocking out one weird Vulture or Prowler.

So, given the literal hundreds of Spiders at your disposal, would you give this mission to the Spider with arguably the LEAST experience of any skilled fighter? (Pavitr doesn't count; he didn't seem to have a watch yet, probably because he didn't have all the Canon Events to make him receptive to the way Society works.)

Frankly, I am willing to blame Jessica for this. She could have sent anyone else; she could have gone herself (I don't know why people seem to think she's pregnant for the entire movie. She looks and moves differently when we see her in Pavitr's dimension; and considering how far along she was in the intro, I can almost guarantee she gave birth within the "months" after Gwen joined); Hell, if it was as big a threat as it literally is, Miguel should have been there himself! There could have been a dozen Spiders storming that little apartment, and Gwen could have had her date with Miles and been none the wiser. Blissful ignorance for both of them.

I don't care if Gwen has a B+ in English, I refuse to believe there's anything she could have been able to say that should have convinced Jessica she was safe to go on her own. Knowing her connection to Miles; Knowing she's inexperienced compared to this kind of potential threat; Knowing that she's probably still in a fragile emotional state and desperate to have a friend she can relate to.

I'm tempted to think Jessica is just soft on Gwen. She saw this poor girl nearly get shot by her own father and her mothering instincts went into overdrive. She seems to let Gwen get away with things, even keeping the secret that she went to see Miles--which we see later didn't matter, because Miguel probably already knew. And that is genuinely sweet of her, to begrudgingly care so much about her, but she is extremely complicit in the Spot getting away. She and Miguel both.

Wanna know why I don't like Peter B.?

Because when Gwen was actively forced into homelessness in front of him, he literally didn't help at all. And then it gets framed on JESS.

Gwen asks for help. And Peter says this:

Jess asks him to stop talking.

And from this moment forward, Peter makes no effort whatsoever to help Gwen.

Mind you. This is AFTER Miles' escape. After the whole 'shocked Peter' gif. Peter knows Miguel is willing to get violent.

But that line is his only attempt to help.

Even as he watches Gwen be fully restrained and physically forced into the machine. He stands there and watches.

He doesn't try to web her. He doesn't try to stop the machine or talk to Miguel. He stands there in silence. Watching Gwen get sent home to a universe he knows she is homeless in.

And the movie just lets him. Despite the fact he's known Gwen longer than anybody in this room.

Instead, Jess is the only mentor at fault. We're told to blame her.

During this scene we never pan to Peter, standing there literally motionless as Gwen gets dragged away. He's not panicking, or trying to talk Miguel out of it. We're just expected to absolve him of blame.

It's Jess' fault. Jess is her 'failed mentor' - despite the fact that Peter has known Gwen longer, is shown to have a better relationship with her, and we're given no reason as to why he wasn't her mentor to begin with.

Jess says this, and we're supposed to judge her for it. While Peter said nothing at all. At most he made a joke and then shut up when he was told.

Jess might've believed she couldn't help Gwen - but what was Peter's excuse? Standing there and watching this happen? He doesn't feel the need to do anything, say anything, or even leave the room.

For him, watching this is fine. And Gwen NEVER confronts him about it.

We're not supposed to blame Peter for letting Miles and Gwen down, repeatedly.

Even when Gwen is being physically forced into homelessness in front of him.

We're told to blame the black woman when the white man who has known Gwen longer literally stands beside Jess motionless.

Had Hobie not left Gwen the watch - We're left to assume that Peter would've just... let her be homeless in her dimension.

He watched her get sent home, said nothing, then went home to his wife and kid to ponder whether or not he was a bad mentor.

Not if Gwen was okay. Or whether he should go check on her????

That's NOT OKAY???!!!! THAT'S TERRIBLE!!!!!!! And this is the man we're supposed to be routing for? This, the dude who shows NO signs he was even gonna go and check on Gwen? The dude who lets child abuse go down in front of him TWICE and he just stands there blinking? That's our Peter Parker?

And I'm supposed to be thrilled to have him on the team??? Despite the fact Gwen had to come TO HIM. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND???? Gwen doesn't see a problem with that?????

I'm supposed to be happy he's here? Forreal???

Oh joy. Thank you so much, Humbling Reality Spider-man. We love you.

I hate Peter B. ALL MY HOBIES HATE PETER B. (Not a typo)