#they dont give a shit fr
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I just know the hatefuck between these two would go crazy
#they match each others freak#they dont give a shit fr#i just know that thanos is pansexual#idk just from the vibes he gives me#or bi maybe#THE THING IS HES NOT HETEROSEXUAL#and min gyu aint better either#squid game#squid game 2 season#squid game 2#thanos#choi su bong#player 230#min gyu#player 124#these bitches gay#these bitches crazy
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like just use your gut to answer this one
#billford#billstan#fiddauthor#fiddlestan#billfiddlesford#fordsquared#i personally enjoy all of them#fiddlestans a current fixation tho because the angst goes crazy#but tbh i only like it because its linked to fiddauthor#so#i wanted to make a poll for data collection purposes#gravity falls#i didnt add any more gravity falls ships because i’ll be fr i dont give a shit about them#im sorry im not shipping the pines twins with anyone like ever
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i honestly think the worst thing that can happen to u as a writer in a fandom is when the compelling dynamics are not the ones u care about like i do NOT want to think about those guys bc ive got other priorities!!!!! ive got my blorbos and those ppl did not make the cut!!! but alas the narratives............
#fucking hate that fr. bc it means im going to rotate these ppl in my brain nonstop but i am pissed off abt it#woah would it be fucked up if x happened or i put them in yz situation? damn it sure would be!!!!! i dont care tho [through gritted teeth]#like i understand!!!!! i get it!!!!! and i think id have some interesting ideas about them!!!! but i am deeply not going to go there#but also i kind of wish i did so it could stop haunting me etc etc#u understand#cavetext#if anyones wondering this post is about two real life hockey players from a team i couldnt give less of a shit about
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rotund creature
#this is my apology for abandoning this account in favor of touching grass kjhkfg#fr tho i just fell out of everything for a bit. plus i was SUPER busy. BUT DONT BE FOOLED THO HE STILL SITS IN MY BRAIN ALL THE TIME#my art inspiration is dead tho i've just been drawing my splatoon ocs :P#i WOULD like to draw him again tho. at least a sketch#and maybe more of that splatoon au...#if i could find a way to make a crossover with balatro i promise i would. but um. balatro doesnt exactly have.... ''characters'' 😭#actually wait shit i could make mcyt legendary cards..... oh i could make them have themes ohhhhhhh hang on.#give me a minute let me think#imagine this is how i find out how to make mods KJFDHGDG#THERE IS ACTUALLY A MOD I WOULD LOVE TO ATTEMPT TO DEVELOP I THINK IT COULD BE FUN........ i have NO IDEA where to start tho#awa
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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That ending was kind of shit...
#minors dni#arcane#arcane spoilers#im sorry but you cant kill off the best characters and expect me to enjoy that ending 💀#poor ekko#the only people to win here are cait and vi and not even vi truly won here. like yeah she got the girl. but she lost her sister to get her.#i know i love maddie (even more now she turned against cait) but jinx was the death to truly piss me off.#like maddie i thought she died when ambessa shot at her and cait- so i was like oh rip- oh wait shes still alive- oh rip again#but jinx dying after all this? horrible. like you really couldnt give that poor girl one chance at happiness#anyway im still living in the other dimension with powder and ekko. that shit was romantic af even for straight people#i didnt really care about the cait x vi sex scene?? im gonna be fr i only just remembered it. like yeah it was kind of hot but-#idk how to say this but cait and vi really dont do much for me as a pairing 😬 its like yassamy or luz amity-#like good for them i guess but theres nothing really to keep me interested? like oh they just end up happy... thats kind of boring. 😬#maybe its because im aromantic- i just dont get anything from seeing domestic happy relationships?? i like drama.#but at the same time i like powder x ekko so idk#arcane season 2#arcane season two
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thinking about how Mayesh is the mirror for the Ashkar people - being human in the eyes of House Aurelian means that they think all Ashkar are human. He protects them all in this way, ensuring that the Sault will be safe and that what happened in Malgasi (murdering all Ashkar) will not happen in Castellane.
this also applies to Kel, in a way. Kel is the person Conor loves/cares for above all others, yet he is a common citizen of Castellane - technically, the lowest possible class, since Kel is an orphan without a significant name, and family names are the most important source of power in Castellane. therefore, Kel is the mirror for the common people of Castellane - although he is considered an object/property in the eyes of nearly all of House Aurelian, being human in the eyes of Conor, the person who will one day be King, shows the future ruler that the people he rules are actual PEOPLE, not just subjects to use and manipulate to the ruler's liking. in this way, Kel protects the commoners of Castellane, which is so interesting. we see him do this multiple times in Sword Catcher when he is trying to instill empathy in Conor for others, including Lin (when Kel talks sense into Conor and and says "do you want her to be afraid of you?" which really hits Conor hard because he doesn't realize the full scope of his power and the fact that he uses it carelessly).
and what makes this more insane is the way that Mayesh doesn't even see Kel as a human, just an object, even though they serve similar important purposes for their respective classes. on my third read of Sword Catcher, I really honed in on the way that Mayesh treats Kel, and he really does not treat him as a damn human being!!! it's so awful. the hypocrisy of Mayesh is so wild, he is such an interesting character because of all his contradictions. anyways i'm so unwell about this!!!
#the way i could go on and on#i could go on a rant about how kel and jolivet have parallels too. all of house aurelian has some similarity to kel yet treat him as inhuma#every time i read sword catcher i get more and more insane with the hidden details#mayesh please i'm rooting for you dude but the way you treat kel like an object and the things he says to him...he stays testing me fr#like when he tells lin who kel is and shes asking all these questions about who kel really is and his origins an mayesh is like “who cares”#and saying “oh yeah he was probably unwanted for all the regular reasons” ...sir you did not just say that shit about my boy Kel#especially not in front of your grandaughter whom you ABANDONED sdkfjjasfskljfdals#also at the very end of the book kel's last interaction w mayesh and hes like dude where r u going?? and kel's like dont worry bout me#and mayesh is like “i am not sure i was worrying” like LMFAOOOO he dont give a FUCK if kel lives or dies fr#sword catcher#kel saren#conor aurelian#the ragpicker king
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listen listen listen listen. i am never going to get over singed & viktor. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE MENTAL ANGUISH. THE MESS OF EMOTIONS VIKTOR HAS TO DEAL WITH. he's so steadfast with his morals and ideals. hextech must not be weaponized. dangerous science is fine as long as the only person at risk of getting hurt is me. the moment it kills someone else he's fucking BROKEN by it and just throws in the gd towel. YET SINGED WAS THE ONE WHO TAUGHT HIM. like just. imagine, ok. imagine— take the premise that singed & viktor were actually pretty close. viktor was lonely as a kid, but he found company in rio. in singed. singed provides a space and opportunity for viktor to do his science stuff. "we can be loners together." here's someone he probably has a decent amount of affection and respect for, maybe even admires like a kid would a mentor/role model/parental figure. and he hurts rio. and viktor doesn't understand, he can't reconcile this. "we can be loners together," but also, "you did this?" viktor's got like a whole slew of emotions to deal with. What the fuck? How could you? I hate you. But also, "I told you, I was consulting a friend about our quandary."
"You built this? Why aren't you playing with the others?"
"We can be loners together."
Like just what are you supposed to do when someone who provided for you — who took care of you, who looked after you as a kid — hurts someone? Someone that you care about? What the FUCK are you supposed to when that person is willing to torture and kill for science — something that you are also passionate about, the very thing you both found commonality in, bonded over — and does it all without even a hint of remorse? What are you supposed to think?
Are you allowed to find comfort and safety in that person anymore? Can you still have good memories about them, and look back at them fondly? Can you be thankful for all the good that person's done for you?
What does it say about you, if they're the one who influenced you so much so early in your life, and here they are now?
Viktor gets Sky killed, and can you imagine what must've been running through his head? I'm no better than him. I'm turning out just like him. I am just like him. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
AND IT'S JUST.
AAGGHH!!!
#sorry this is so disjointed it's 11pm#singed arcane#arcane singed#viktor arcane#arcane viktor#THIS ISNT EVEN TO MENTION THE BATTLECAST SKINLINE BTW#LIKE GODDAMN#THESE CHARACTERS#riot would get so much money out of me if they made stuff for them fr#everyday i lose my mind over these two#it's such a great contrast to all the other parent-child/mentor-protege relationships in arcane too cus#vi's taking vander's lessons to heart#jinx doesnt give a shit about the bad stuff silco's done#the closest resemblence to singed & vik is mel & her mom but it's like#same text different font style yknow#singed is the background character you don't think twice about#ambessa's much more proactive#heimer & jayce have a similar dynamic too i think but im not gonna clog the tags#and i only have the braincells for singed & vik lmfao#arcane#god s2 pls dont fuck these characters up im praying im begging on my gd knees#love and legacy
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after getting support cards for like five or six times in a row i finally got a character and it’s ran…the way the sleeves of his oversized sweater go past his hands is so ariana grande coded lol ( ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ഒ
arana what are u doing here?!
#fromaryg: rara#ariana-coded fr bc ariana also has bad eyesight HAHAHAHA#speak of the devil is giving dont call me angel 😩#whenever i draw ran it’s always for a meme lol sorry ran !#i be doing everything else besides finishing my commissions HUHUHU i will get shit done tonight !#anime#digital art#tokyo revengers#tr puzzreve#haitani brothers#ran haitani#haitani ran#rindou haitani#haitani rindou
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how are people just now figuring out yandev is a pedo like we've known for years at this point
#yandere simulator#like honestly great that va's are leaving but yandev's creepy behavior has been public knowledge for what like? 6 years?#also dont be giving bijuu mike or kubzscouts a pass either!!!#ppl involved in the game have known FOR YEARS but constantly said shit like “im focusing on voice acting” or “its not a deal breaker for me”#like be so fucking fr#these ppl just wanna save face now
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every time i see people shit on ffxiii in 2023 i just
PLEASE replay the fucking game and look at how well it aged i am BEGGING
#COWARDS#dude it kills me that no one bothers to give it another shot it really does#a lot of games are open world just to fit an industry standard and to add padding and im tired of ittt#ffxiii is such a breath of fresh air and doesnt deserve all the hate it gets just bc its linear#i dont give a shit if you dont like linear games ok sit your ass down and play xiii again with an open mind this time#ok im joking with the aggression but fr#aki stfu#final fantasy xiii
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Seeing fan discussions about Blue Eye Samurai and especially Mizu's identity is so annoying sometimes. So let me just talk about it real quick.
First off, I have to emphasise that different interpretations of the text are always important when discussing fiction. That's how the whole branch of literary studies came to be, and what literary criticism and analysis is all about: people would each have their own interpretation of what the text is saying, each person applying a different lens or theory through which to approach the text (ie. queer theory, feminist theory, reader response theory, postcolonial theory, etc) when analysing it. And while yes, you can just take everything the authors say as gospel, strictly doing so would leave little room for further analysis and subjective interpretation, and both of these are absolutely necessary when having any meaningful discussion about a piece of media.
With that being said, when discussing Blue Eye Samurai, and Mizu's character in particular, I always see people only ever interpret her through a queer lens. Because when discussing themes of identity, yes, a queer reading can definitely apply, and in Mizu's story, queer themes are definitely present. Mizu has to hide her body and do her best to pass in a cisheteronormative society; she presents as a man 99% of the time and is shown to be more comfortable in men's spaces (sword-fighting) than in female spaces (homemaking). Thus, there's nothing wrong with a queer reading at all. Hell, some queer theorists interpret Jo March from Little Women as transmasc and that's totally valid, because like all analyses, they are subjective and argumentative; you have the choice to agree with an interpretation or you can oppose it and form your own.
To that end, I know many are equally adamant that Mizu is strictly a woman, and that's also also a completely valid reading of the text, and aligns with the canon "Word of God", as the creators' intention was to make her a woman. And certainly, feminist themes in the show are undeniably present and greatly colour the narrative, and Episode 4 & 5 are the clearest demonstrations of this: Mizu's protectiveness of Madame Kaji and her girls, Mizu's trauma after killing Kinuyo, her line to Akemi about how little options women have in life, and the way her husband had scorned her for being more capable than him in battle.
I myself personally fall into the camp of Mizu leaning towards womanhood, so i tend to prefer to use she/her pronouns for her, though I don't think she's strictly a cis woman, so I do still interpret her under the non-binary umbrella. But that's besides my point.
My gripe here, and the thing that spurred me to write this post, is that rarely does this fandom even touch upon the more predominant themes of colonialism and postcolonial identities within the story. So it definitely irks me when people say that the show presenting Mizu being cishet is "boring." While it's completely fine to have your opinion and to want queer rep, a statement like that just feels dismissive of the rest of the representation that the show has to offer. And it's frustrating because I know why this is a prevalent sentiment; because fandom culture is usually very white, so of course a majority of the fandom places greater value on a queer narrative (that aligns only with Western ideas of queerness) over a postcolonial, non-Western narrative.
And that relates to how, I feel, people tend to forget, or perhaps just downplay, that the crux of Mizu's internal conflict and her struggle to survive is due to her being mixed-race.
Because while she can blend in rather seamlessly into male society by binding and dressing in men's clothing and lowering her voice and being the best goddamn swordsman there is, she cannot hide her blue eyes. Even with her glasses, you can still see the colour of her eyes from her side profile, and her glasses are constantly thrown off her face in battle. Her blue eyes are the central point to her marginalisation and Otherness within a hegemonic society. It's why everyone calls her ugly or a monster or a demon or deformed; just because she looks different. She is both white and Japanese but accepted in neither societies. Her deepest hatred of herself stems primarily from this hybridised and alienated identity. It's the whole reason why she's so intent on revenge and started learning the way of the sword in the first place; not to fit in better as a man, but to kill the white men who made her this way. These things are intrinsic to her character and to her arc.
Thus, to refuse to engage with these themes and dismiss the importance of how the representation of her racial Otherness speaks to themes of colonialism and racial oppression just feels tone-deaf to the show's message. Because even if Mizu is a cishet woman in canon, that doesn't make her story any less important, because while you as a white queer person living in the West may feel unrepresented, it is still giving a voice to the stories of people of colour, mixed-race folks, and the myriad of marginalised racial/ethnic/cultural groups in non-Western societies.
#blue eye samurai#mizu blue eye samurai#fandom critical#blue eye samurai meta#wank.mp3#shut up haydar#fandom.rtf#this is a bit of rant but the prevalent whiteness of fandom in general just gets on my nerves i'm sorry#giving me flashbacks to a:tla fandom fr cuz it's the same shit! people love to devalue the stories of non-white non-western identities#also to be clear i am a southeast asian living in southeast asia and similar to mizu i am often alienated for having mixed ethnic ancestry#and even for speaking english (bcs my granddad served the fuckin. british colonials. so my fam speaks mostly in english)#cuz where im from it's still extremely hegemonic racist patriarchal misogynistic homophobic like the setting in the show#so like even though the story is set in historical japan and may seem far-removed from the experiences of a US or european audience#those of us outside the west and in the global south still face a lot of the struggles that mizu goes through till this very day#so please dont just dismiss that. it feels incredibly tone-deaf#okay rant over
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month-long chronic insomnia flareup got me acting a BIT too HDB-esk so I drew myself some Kims. I have cracked it! (The case of 'how to draw this MF')
feat one Harry, ECHEM, and Kineema that I fucking made up from memory because im not studying that beast
#broke my 5+ year sobriety streak w class As last Thursday. Sigh.#if you got on ave >4 sleep a day for a month you'd probably also go insane#my stupid neighbour's workmen decided to start taking the scaffolding down at HALF SEVEN. AND I WORK NIGHTS!!!! AHHH!!!#anyway....... kim Kitsuragi save me#draw him balding 2k24#also i am fucking working on DUCKLINGS i promise but the lack of sleep giving me migranes i dont wanna look at a screen too long#im a writer before an artists but im actually rly proud of these- borrowed my GFs brush pens and they're so good holy shit#my hands shaking doesnt matter cos the lines get thicker if i press harder!!!! wow!!!#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#coupris kineema#breakthrough imminent: post of mine#ignore my tags im losing my fucking marbles fr#anyway this is all in prep because i ACTUALLY wanna draw younger Kim from my fic. like. properly#not just at a safely vague distance lmao
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I'm sick so I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I've been thinking about the nature of myths recently as I've been exploring hellenic polytheism.
For context: I'm ex-Mormon. I was raised in the church and, because of that, was taught biblical literalism but in, like, a more subtle way than most? I was raised believing that Adam & Eve and Noah's Ark, etc., were literally true, but that the story of Job specifically was not; I also always knew evolution and the Big Bang to be correct, despite there being a verse in the Doctrine & Covenants (a Mormon-specific religious book) where God apparently told Joseph Smith that the world is 6,000 years old- a passage I didn't know existed until my senior year of high school. I didn't realize I had believed in biblical literalism until I'd left the church, actually.
Now that I'm aware of it, it's a mindset I'm actively trying to combat while I explore Hellenic polytheism. It's definitely been a task to separate the nature of the Gods from their myths, as brutal as they often are. And it's something I've noticed within the community, too, which I think is interesting. It makes sense: Christianity, at least, has had a chokehold on much of the world for a long time, and so many of us have experienced literalism as our first interaction with any sort of holy text (though, of course, Greek myths as a whole aren't that) alongside our first experience with divinity as a wrathful God whose flaws are waved away, or ignored, or twisted into positive attributes. This also means that I'm trying to re-approach several deities with an open mind (Zeus, Hera, and Ares in particular, but many of them to some extent) while also trying to un-condition myself. I was already in the process of doing this, of course, but trying to figure out how to interact with a completely different pantheon has made that especially clear.
It extends to things like prayer and offerings, too. Prayers were very formulaic growing up, even though most of the time there wasn't a strict script to follow. There was always something you ask as part of the prayer, even if it's just 'please help me do better tomorrow' (alongside giving thanks, of course), so trying to craft a prayer without adding *everything* I'm used to including in makes it feel incomplete and, therefore, disrespectful. And daily prayer is something I'm resistant to because of prior experiences with it. I don't want to offend any of the gods by asking for something or asking for too much, especially so early on, and there's always a promised offering the few times I *have* asked. Add worries about exact obedience on top of that and it's proving to be a difficult thing to untangle. And I know that the gods are difficult to offend, figuring out how to do this takes trial & error and that's okay, it'll get better the more I do it, etc., etc.; this is more an issue with my own overthinking than anything else (hooray for ✨ mental health issues ✨). I'm not really asking for advice here, necessarily, just thinking out loud because I'm not comfortable talking to people in meat space about it yet.
#also: the whole thing about cleanliness? as someone w/ mental health issues? Rough. very rough. what counts? how individualized is it?#if i cant get my room (where my shrines are/will be) clean does that mean i cant give any offerings?#is just washing my hands and/or veiling actually okay most of the time? even when ive been struggling to shower?#when does something require a change of clothes? or do i have to do that every time i offer something at any point in the day?#including meal/drink (ex steam from tea) offerings? i dont have that many clothes besties#if im pouring out an offering to hermes on my way home from work do i have to somehow wash my hands first b/c i just got off public transit#can i pour it directly from my water bottle or do i have to keep a little separate bottle of water just for libations?#and like. i know logically the answer is 'do whatever you can and you'll figure it out' but it hasnt sunk in yet#it's always...interesting when a new layer of religious trauma tm gets discovered#also. maybe it's just the 'tism but 'just jump in!' and 'go slow at the beginning' seem contradictory to me#like. you cant do both??? i dont think??? 'just jump in' is the answer ive been getting when i do tarot so im trying to do that#also. doubts? not offending a deity??? wild concept. just. the hardest thing to wrap my head around. mormon god's ego is FRAGILE fr#hellenic pagan#helpol#hellenic polytheism#not adding exmo tags b/c i dont have a good enough handle on the community here & im too sick to deal with people being weird about this#my post#coriander says#seeing people get into the theological weeds is cool from the outside (see: that 'can spiderman do superhero stuff on the sabbath' post)#but very stressful when there's not centuries on centuries of detailed information to draw from & everyone's just trying to figure shit out#in a world that's *very* different from the one the information we *do* have was written down in#christianity cw#mormonism cw
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for the first time in my life i was just asked if i have kids instead of if i'm in college yet. the years start coming and they don't stop coming huh
#stooooop#i know i have been old enough to have kids for a while but 😵💫#im always behind on all the milestones in life tho but it never stood out before bc people always thought i was 17#literally from when i was 13 until very recently people always guessed i was like 16-19#which was great bc i am an autistic late bloomer who lives w my parents and sucks at being an adult#so giving off the vibe and appearance of being a teenager was fine#but now i look like an adult#🧍♀️🧍♀️🧍♀️#yet i am not good enough at being one for these questions and assumptions 😭#i hate it hereee#anyway weird old guy at the store started telling dumb blonde jokes then asked me if i had kids#never in my life have i been asked that#late twenties fr the worst age bc u still feel young but start getting treated old and also u don't have ur shit and life together yet#but everyone thinks you do or should by now#alas#irl i'm 27 what am i a child bride moment#not that having kids is for old people#but im not even good at being responsible for myself yet let alone an entire baby#i do want kids but im not ready for that yet#also never been in love 🫠#or even seriously dated anyone ever#not that it's a requirement#in fact im planning to adopt esp if i dont get married but still#anyway i do very much want kids im just not in that place yet#and didnt feel that behind in life about it bc nobody ever asked me that before#thsi better not be like how everyone asks you as soon as they meet u about ur job or school i dont need to be fielding this forever
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📖 its me again 😈 do u mayhaps have any more ideas,,,
Sure do!~ here's a few more!
1: (Untitled) A Red Son x Reader LMK arranged marriage/rivals to lovers where Princess Iron fan and DBK are unconfident in their son's ability to do anything right- including finding a spouse worthy of carrying on their great family line. so, they pick one for him. you are the finest soldier in the demon bull corps; smart, strong, capable- you have never failed an assignment, and that's not about to change anytime soon. they assign you to their son's side so that you can grow closer under the guise of you being his aid in attempting to retrieve the monkey king's staff- killing two birds with one stone. Unfortunately, you aren't exactly Red Son's biggest fan, finding his haughty attitude beyond irritating. this wasn't fair to either of you, like hell you would let it go forward. Since Iron fan and DBK hadn't told their son what they were up to or straight-up forced him to tie the knot with you, you guessed that they wanted him to choose you of his own free will- something you are certain would never happen. Your plan was to put everything you had into getting that staff back and absolutly nothing into getting red son to like you. Of course youll have to fake some sort of repour when prying eyes are watching otherwise the jig is up and your bosses will find out your disobeying orders. But it should be fine, your confident that you can manage. You can beat up one measely deleviery boy. You can tollerate Red son for as long as you need to. You can get him to cooperate with the neritive without clueing him in. You wont lose.
2:(Untitled) A Micheal Afton x OC FNAF. Ronnie moves in with her grandparents after getting kicked out of her old school for getting into a bad fight with the principals daughter. she hates it. she liked her old school and her old friends just fine, most of all she liked her old house. but she doesn't have must of a choice in the matter, her mom cant drop everything to drive her two hours every morning with her hospital jobs hours, so moving in with her grand parents who live within walking distance of her new school is the next best thing. her first night in town, she goes boarding and accidentally knocks some guy off a bike. they don't make a great first impression on each other, but they'll have to learn to get along as long as they're classmates. the more time they spend together, the more they begrudgingly realize they have in common. this leads to a lot of rivalry, fighting and an unrealized awkward tension between them. also, they meet right before Even/CC dies so... yeah :) angst. :)
3:(The Right Path) a Laard Nar x Navigator Invader Zim fic where Nav saves the massive from sailing into the Florpus at the last second by going against the Tallest's command. everyone lived! however, the tallest we not too pleased with his disobedience. so, they had him thrown in a holding cell and scheduled for a Pak wipe. of course, having literally been born to pilot the massive, he knew the ship like the back of his hand. he escaped to a random planet on a stolen voot cruiser. on that planet he wanders, until he comes upon Resisty HQ by complete coincidence.
BONUS! 4: (All Hail Queen Bee!) a Miraculous Ladybug Re-write/Fix-it where Chloe gets to keep the bee miraculous and her character development because I'm bitter & petty. i... i could give a run down about it but there's just so much and yet not nearly enough to talk about. if i tried, id just end up ranting, it honestly needs its own post but i just wanted to let ya know it exists in my brain.
#shit that 1st one was long sorry about that#so was the 2nd one but yeah...#i mostly just gave ya blurbs this time instead of short synopsis whoopsie!#i know from the last one you said that you weren't really in fnaf or iz but they're my biggest fandoms for fic and i was really proud of em#i did purposefully give you an LMK one first tho so i hope that makes up for it.#micheal afton#red son lmk#laard nar iz#lard nar#navigator iz#navigator#chloe bourgeois#chloe miraculous#micheal afton fnaf#mike afton#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#miraculous ladybug#invader zim#micheal afton x oc#laard nar x navigator#red son x reader#i still have more. not much more- but some more#i have adhd. my creative process never ends! even when i would prefer it too!#like fr dawg my brain be throwin' half raw fettichini at walls just waiting for sum to stick.#these all will (maybe get written) at some point! i dont like giving up im just slow i swear!#malice writing◉
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