#they dont give a fuck either. spare them no sympathy.

[toyalien]

like im not gonna go on record saying the uhc guy definitely deserved to die but theres no way he didnt know that his company was doing the things it was doing. he was personally making billions of dollars. he could have prevented his own death if he actually had a genuine interest in helping people and not in making major fuckin bank off of the misery of the people he's supposed to be helping

like idk if these billionaires really want to not be murdered maybe they should welcome the changes necessary to not make the working class get to the point where they feel like they have to commit actual murder and take things into their own hands. theres no actual good reason that they need to make billions of dollars and that the american people under their care need to suffer. they can 100% change things. they can do it right now. this could change at any time.

but they'd rather spend their own money getting body guards or security or some shit instead of making the country better for the people they're supposed to (but obviously don't actually) care about. makes ya think.

[atvace]

Lady Dior and the Seven Dilfs

Chapter 4: First Order of Business

Masterlist

Ghost, Soap, Gaz and you eventually took turns in aim training, knife throwing and handgun shooting. it was actually quite fun. A little about your before-military-background, you used to shoot water guns when youre 3, BB gel guns when youre about 7 and youve won arcade games for your little niece when youre 14.

a lot of arcade games. your younger cousins always look up on you whenever you won them prizes from huge plushies, Hotwheels, even legos.

speaking of guns, you've surfaced to the depth of the internet back when you were young. having to use your mother's iPad to access such gores and disturbing content. Adapting to the FBI, forced to eliminate people off, you had absolutely no problem.

Empathy and sympathy is out of the window. your past relationship with you ex boyfriends left you quite heartless. you got scammed in Roblox once, it is merely a canon event. the homeless guy you give your spare change to molested a school girl once and you beat him until he lost vision. world hasn't been treating you well, and you just go with the flow and give zero fucks to nearly anyone.

"nice shot, (y/n)." Gaz rests his hand to your back. you sighed proudly, "Thanks, Gaz!" you nudged his side. "You got any question, (y/n)? you said you're a little less experienced with sub machine guns." Soap stored the unused MSMC.

Back in your FBI days, handguns are the most effecient weapon you can handle. It's been a while since the last time you were using the automatic rifles because your all-gun training was when youre in early 20s. you never liked heavy machinery gun because theyre too hefty for you to bring anywhere.

you prefer something quiete, small but fast. you prefer sniper as long ranged, revolver or a usp for mid combat and knifes for close. In your horse riding phase, you possessed an archery skill. you were slightly above average but stopped after your arrow accidently killed a wild bunny.

"I genuinely think they are too heavy for me. in what I observe in myself, I think im far much better using snipers, handguns or knifes." You reloaded your empty mags of revolver. "Lads," Price peeked his head out as the four of you turned to the source of the voice. "Lets do some deathmatch."

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

"Okay the goal is basically deathmatch." Price gave everyone a compass to keep track of where we going. "but, all of you will be using either the paintbal or" he paused for a moment. "an airsoft."

You raised your eyebrow with a questioning look. "what about the mission?" Price looked at you while wearing a sunglasses and a fisherman hat, "Oh, Laswell contacted me and she said we should take our time training. the mission takes place in a deserted island. That is why I decided to play a game of deathmatch." He smiles.

"any questions?" Prive crosses his arm. "Where are you gonna wait?" Soap tilt his head, "duh" he pointed his thumb to the white single chair beach bench behind Gaz. "and youre going to..?" Gaz unfinished question turned into a hum, "I'm gonna chill. you kids go fight. also, dont aim for the head." Ghost, Gaz and Soap sprinted at the last words. leaving you and Price alone.

"(y/n), why dont you go with them?" Price walked over his bench and sat like a retired dad. "Um.. captain," you held your fingers together. "Yes, (y/n). I'm all ears." Gaz took out a newspapers and widened the main page. "By any chance, do you have a..." you cringed at your request.

"combat bow? yellow lid below the wooden table under the ventilation." Price flipped a page, which cause your eyes to spark. "Howd you know?" You smiled at him. "I bought that for you the time your demotion letter were sent to me. archery was in your resume." He sipped his lemonade, still reading the newspapers.

you instantly love him. his gesture of kindness tattooed your head, you have to give him something special for him one day or another. "what are you waiting for, go get it." He flips the paper again. "Thank you!!" you got to your feet towards the airsoft shed.

upon arrival, you saw Gaz, Ghost and Soap chattering together with weapons in their grasp. all of them were in full airsoft gear and it was your first time seeing them in full combat attire. you felt butterflies in your stomach when they walked pass you.

shooking you head, you manage to get in the shed and find the box Price told you to get. you opened it and revealed a beautiful matte black curve bow with strong wires perfectly fit for field combat. but below the shaped foam, you noticed there was another bow.

it was a compound bow. with an armguard, quiver and a few customizable arrows. but what caught you is two kunais and some static ropes. you smiled to yourself and quickly geared up.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

"I bet you don't last 5 minutes, Jhonny." Ghost mocked. "How do you know, I do cardio at least twice a week." Soap clucked his airsfot shotgun. "How are you going to last more than that in forest when you barely awake 2 minutes in bed." Ghost places his airsoft m4 to his shoulders. Gaz looked at the both of them terrified.

"Hey guys, sorry I took long." the three of them shifted their gaze at you, frozen in place. "I was actually struggling but Did i wear my harness correctly?" you turned your back facing them. the way the straps makes your thigh squished and your ass popping makes all of their jaw dropped.

"remember to stay focus, brothers." Price coughed loud enough for them breaking their gaze. "I-I mean.. you look good (y/n). I- Its just-" Soap flick his shirt as a fan as you walk towards them. "Is it hot in here?" Gaz did the same, waving his hand to his burning face, "Are you hot, (y/n)? I mean you are hot- I mean-" he snickered to himself as Ghost playfully smack the back of his head. "Mouth."

you tied the rope to the round hole in the edge of the kunai, tightening it. "Holy shit, are you going to kill us for real?" Gaz watched you taking out a real knife. "Oh, fuck. no I'm planning to climb the trees with these."

you chuckled at him the re-adjusted the strings of your bow, making sure its not loose. "are you sure youre going to wear that?" Ghost pawn himself to you, looking down to your bow then your shoes. "Oh, this?" you furrowed your eyebrow and look straight to his eyes. "No, the boots." He sternly replied.

you wore a black sleeveless turtleneck and a tight black gym pants. Soap told you wearing these wont affect much training in the range but for outdoors, I think (y/n looks fine.

You are wearing a Bershka buckle heeled Boots in black. you swifted your foot to the side, showing the shine of the leather to him then scoffed. "At least I want to be stylish when defeating you. humph," you walk past him but he stopped you by placing his enormous hand to your stomach level.

"I know its painful wearing heeled footwear, (y/n)." you look at him SURPRISINGLY soft. "As long you are comfortable, you can use anything you want. just remember, theres no fashion standards in here. Please make yourself pleasant." he finished and joined the others to the starting line, leaving you flabbergasted.

'THE COLD CASPER IS TELLING YOU TO MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. THE COLD CASPER IS TELLING YOU TO MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. THE COLD CASPER IS TELLING YOU TO MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.' its not a flooded thoughts anymore, its a fucking tsunami.

"alright, sergeants. get into position." Price stated, still in his beach dad mode. you clung the bow to your back feeling soap's eyes at you. "You seriously gonna use that thing?" He chuckled. "I like my fighting style similar to my money," you draw a smirk "Old money."

"ready?" you stanced ass up, of course theyre gazing at you. "set," you draw sketches in your mind what to do next. "Go!" you lunged your knees so fast it left a hole in the ground. you felt yellings from behind, mostly Gaz and Soap's

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT SHES FAST" you cant tell if thats Gaz's or Soap's. you were far beyond allready. with your tied knifes, you jumped and throw one of it towards a huge tree and swing towards those steady large stem, climbing it.

the heels you wore made you climb the trees easier. it spikes your weight to the brances and makes you jump easier. even though you feel a slight pain in the joint in every step, you gaslight yourself that you are fine.

from tree to trees you go. you have the lower body power of a God. in distinction to thousands of miles walking around a shopping centre from around the world, your legs can kick nearly 100,000franklins. not a world record, but still something youre proud about.

you tried to look around for your first victim, but your focus was striked as a paintball went close to your side, painting blue at the branch you sat on. "You missed!" you yelled at whoever shot that to you and quickly jump to another tree

you guess that was Gaz but he was nowhere in your sight. you gambled your guesses that Soap mightve been close to Gaz because the two of them are most likely too noisy to be hidden. hunting Ghost would be the hardest for you but you want to at least beat someone.

as you were on top, you took your bow and get the arrow into the sight, aiming to the grown. you saw Soap creeping around tall grasses from an approximately 40 meters north-east in your position. you shot your plunger arrows towards Soap's shoulder and he screamed in high pitch.

"Fuck! good job, (L/N)! wherever you are.. oh there you are" Soap waved his hands at you which you returned. "I was about to aim to your heart but I'm afraid you might fall for me, Scrub daddy." you winked at him and jump to another tree, searching for Gaz.

Gaz, from another slight distance got scared from the scream and quickly scattered. you were to quick to guess where he went, but your focus broke when a splatter of paint went through your side hitting a tree. "Fuck." you quicken your pace to find a safer spot to camp.

you heard a low grunt from somewhere and assumed quickly that was Ghost. not wanting to waste anymore time, you swung yourself throught the branches from one and another, still getting shot at from behind. this time, Gaz spotted you.

Seeing a bush of plants, you rolled yourself mid air and down to the ground swiftly equip your bow to shot. refusing to make any sound, you stood still waiting for Gaz to approach you first. "(y/n), i saw you~" Gaz whistled and nerved his gun.

From the source of his voice, you knew he is around front-right side of your spot. you observe how the wind blows and the sound of leaves brushing againts each other, you pulled the arrow close to the side of your ear, aiming and gambled on how he made sounds.

one snap of a twig, you swifted your left hand and release. "OW JESUS FUCK" Gaz's claim gave a wave of relief in your heart. you pushed the bush away revealing Gaz holding his thigh with a plunged arrow sticking out.

"You okay, Gazzy?" you cooed and leaned to the tree. "Fuck you're so good, (y/n). good job." he laughed and walk towards Price's previous spot. "hm, kinky." you walk the other direction. he probably came at your statement.

You jabbed the Kunai side by side, creating a rope trap for Ghost if he ever cross the path. You knew hes not easy to caught but the least you can do is having something to watch your back. proud of your (not) good idea, you climbed a tree and hid.

not too long after, you heard rustling from across your tree. taking your chances, you aimed at whatever made that noise. and there you can see it, the top of his helmet. You gave him a warning shot by aiming inches from his head.

you peered your gaze down to your trap, biting your lip when the trap you set was disabled. "Fuck, he knew." you hissed and looked back at your compound sight.

you lost him after. you stood lazily on top of the branch and tried to look around. not long after you felt a piercing gaze from the right side of your view. you shot another arrow to a suspicious bush. but suddenly a paintbullet striked at the side of your face hitting the tree, but you anchored your body to the side too heavily.

you dodged a bullet, thats one realisation. second, you lost balance and fell. "(Y/N)!" Ghost's source of voice is nowhere to be seen but you feel yourself falling to the ground.

you landed nape first and you laid down in silent. "Fuck." you grunt in pain, crawling to the clostest bush you can find just to be hidden from plain sight. unfortunately, it has thorns but you were too lightheaded to feel more pain. you pull out your bow again and aimed towards your guesses for Ghost's bearing.

feeling your head dizzy, you accidently released your arrow and you fell to your stomach, now exposed to the forest and the person you shot. to your surprise, you saw Ghost standing in the distance, with your plunge arrow right in his heart.

at least thats what you saw before you blacked out. "Bloody fucking hell, (y/n)" You feel a soft touch to your shoulders and your back is met by a fleshy feeling. you assumed that someone placed your head to their lap. "Holy shit," Gaz's voice lingered around the air as you just painfully still there. "Did she hit her head? yes she fuckin did oh my God" you could hear Soap opening a zipper.

"I lost my vision," you said laying still in assumeable Ghost's lap. "She lost her vision?!" Gaz crawled to your side. "How many fingers am I holdin?!" He hold out two fingers. "....ten" you muttered. "Oh shit she did-" Gaz said as Soap poured out the contents of his bag.

"Fuck I forgot my portable medkit." He curses. "This will do," you feel yourself ascending to the air as Ghost picked you up, not bothering about the arrow that plunged in his chest. "Gaz, Soap, clean her shit. now." He tosses you to his shoulders unintentionally bared your ass out which made the other two stared. "Eyes down, sergeants." Ghost hissed at the two as he ran out of the forest.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

"You're not going to die, (y/n)." Price said patching up your back. you got a twig and a few cut thorns sticking in your back. you got blacked out for a few moments because your head was thrashed to a nearby rock. "But captain technically I'm dead now.." you muttered and whinced in pain as he pull the last thorn in your back.

"Why are you dead, (y/n)?" Price dabbed rubbing alcohol to a cotton to your back. "My skin is all bruised up now... my years of bodycare routine is wasted." You pouted to him. "(y/n), you'll be facing worser gushes than this. you have to manage, alright?" he wrapped a bandage over your stomach and back. "even with scars, you are still a beautiful girl."

you got back outside the field to see Gaz, Soap, and Ghost surrounding a table. you peered over to see and your eyes widened in horror. you compound bow broke into pieces as the only thing keeping it together is the strings. "Oh my God I barely used that" your knees weakened and Soap caught you on time.

"its alright, We'll tell the factory to make another." Soap patted your head and leered to your exposed bandages. "You good? I mean these" he poked your back and you stood at your feet. "Oh those are fines just a small cut." you place your hands to your hips and swayed to the side, "I'm hurt but I still look hot." you blew a kiss to him which he sneered.

"Alright, folks. Let's talk about illegal smuggling." Price place himself between you and Soap as Gaz and Ghost across the three of you. "Yippie!" you clasp your hand excitedly and watch Price scroll open the map. "(y/n), thats...not something to 'yippe' about.." Gaz frowned. "I'd like to have a coquette war crime." you sway your hair.

"Laswell detected an illegal drug smuggling and suspicious movement in the east. unfortunately they have a hostage." your smile dropped. "An Iranian prisoner is loose and assumeably made a new base undergound Verdansk," Price marked a specific land in the map with a red ink. "the hostage is an 18 years old daughter of the legislation supreme court"

when Price was explaining the mission, Ghost stared at you with an empty expression. his eyes look dull and dark. you noticed this but tried so hard to not exchange look with him.

you knew this is would be going down, you overheard Kate Laswell talking about it to your former chief, Artofay. It was bigger than what Price is explaining right now but you conclude hes just simplifying things out to make the mission more pivot. if it weren't for the demotion, you're probably at a spa right now getting ready to slay this mission over.

maybe in another universe, Leon Kennedy was your husband and you didn't get demoted. another probability that you are 141's intel for Verdansk but instead you're here being in the same team and deployed on field.

"I want everyone to be careful because we have no idea what drug they have," Price pointed the Verdansk city and Urziskan city. "there could be an injection drug, an epi-pen drug, gas drug. Verdansk is the orginate of the underground black market. I want to hear no report about any of you getting drugged." Price's tone turned sharp and serious.

"Pack for a week, we'll leave tomorrow by dusk." "Yes sir." we said in unison. "Gaz, I want you in the front line with me, Soap you will be a recon, Ghost as a watchtower and (y/n)," the mens tilts to you. "No heels." you gasped in offended.

"What?! thats bullshit." you protested. "you're bullshit," Ghost spat out. "Ghost!" Price beats the potential arguement. Gaz and soap looked at each other knowing its not the right time to talk or joke about it. "(y/n), I understand how much...vogue meant to you. but we will be going to a possible hostilities," Price softly explain to you like you are 5. "I'd like for you to wear something...safe." he finishes.

"Captain, I refuse." This time you stated coldly. "I'd like to prove it to you that I'm a woman whose capable of engaging any sort of combat in any sort of attire," You took a deep leap of faith. working in heels wasn't just a bragging thing, but its your signature way in doing your job.

Its also another way for you to remember that you mothet is always watching you. Heels meant more than fashion to you, you hold on to her decaying memories by wearing them nearly every occassion. Your mom is a huge poignant figure in your life and you'd force yourself to remember her as much as you can for the rest of your life.

but the men you're dealing now, they ain't shit. this is why you prefered working alone or with girls back in the FBI. but you don't expect the world to revolve around you, it's not how it works. really sucked to be integrated with a group of people who doesn't understand you except yourself.

that's where you have to save yourself, because who will?

"If you know about the compound bow, then I assume you know the reason behind the heels, right captain?" you smiled softly, yet cold. your eyes like siren, gazing to him for ruth.

he finally sighs in defeat, "Only if you bring a back up shoe. you know what? dismiss. 6PM in my office though." he rubbed his temper, which made Ghost iritated. "Thank you, pops!" you hugged him tightly enough to make him croaked and walk away happily leaving the four behind.

"Captain." Ghost looked to Price drawing dissapointed in his gaze. "Ghost." Price is too tired to argue with the skull man allready, Soap held Ghost's shoulder and sighs. "..Jhonny," The british tilt his head down to his mohawk. "Nah, man. let her be." Gaz commented at the telepathy phenomenon.

"Bloody fucking hell all she had to do was listen." Ghost grunts and anchored his fist to the table. "You doubt too much, Riley." Price exclaimed. "Do you not see she fell from a tree because of those damned heels?" Ghost pointed back to the forest they were practicing at. "Riley, she shot an arrow to your heart with a compound bow like a cupid, don't get me started." Price took out a cigar and lit it up.

Gaz and Soap wheezed at the fact you technically won the friendly deathmatch but stopped when Ghost glared at them. "Have a little faith, believe her for once." He huffed out the nicotine air. "Just because shes new in here, you shouldn't forgot where she came from. She goes to hell like a vacation," Price shooks the cigar, letting the ashes fall to the ground.

"The Devil wears Prada, Riley."

[azsazz]

okay i was reading through your blog and i saw this anon commenting on azriel in midnight muse and saying that they don't feel bad for him and that it's a "you made your bed now lie in it" situation but it really rubbed me the wrong way for some reason.

is azriel being petty and immature in the story? yes. is reader also being a little petty? yes. that's the trope. but besides that what i think everyone meant when they said they felt sorry for azriel is that he was completely ditched by his friends. regardless of the reason, if your friends know you're not comfortable in the same presence as someone else and then lie to you to get you to go hang out with that person then they're being bad friends. this is a story and the point of it is that they'll get together so it's kinda fine here but if in your own life your friends do this to you, no matter how petty or dumb the reason for not liking or wanting to be in another person's presence is, they're bad friends and straight up don't respect your boundaries. i think what the batboys should have done was just let him know she was going to be there and still invite him or even tell him that they really wish he would come if they wanted him to go and then he'd make that decision himself. same with being left behind at the end, obviously no one is obliged to their friend's time but it read as they usually spend that time together so azriel literally just assumed that was what they would be doing and it is sad to see him be left behind alone, maybe the anon that sent that never felt like that but it sucks to not be invited or even being told of your friends plans, being left out sucks and cassian barely gave him a goodbye or spared him a thought when he left. again, all they had to do was at least let him know. and what rhys tells him is true, they didn't give the girls a chance and should apologize but they don't have to be friends lol. the story is supposed to end up like that but if this was a real situation the only thing azriel is doing wrong is not apologize for the initial fight, he doesn't have any obligation to be reader's friend even if cass and rhys are. no one is obliged to be anyone's friend ever. and, again, it feels kinda shitty of rhys to basically tell him "either be alone or go put up with this person i know you don't like" to be able to spend time with them. honestly, i don't even think he was as sad at being alone but more that his friends just brushed him off like that. i don't know but it feels like lack of sympathy (that i unfortunately have had to deal way too often) to just say "well azriel was an asshole a couple times so he deserves for his friends to not respect his boundaries and leave him behind". also rhys is going more because he's trying to fuck feyre than bc he actually thinks they should apologize or get along with their neighbors. i swear im almost done but, unlike reader, we get an inside of azriel's mind and it's in absolute shambles. he just had something really traumatic happen to him 1 or 2 years ago and is still having a lot of trouble dealing with it, he had that dream of being a tattoo artist which he might have to give up on because of it. literally has to wear gloves and gets scared when someone grabs him from what is probably ptsd. so i dont know, i feel like he's allowed to have bad days and it's not like he's actually bullying her or anything, it's mostly a coupe of unpleasant conversations but they go both ways.

to finish, everyone in this story is doing things wrong in my opinion. aside from the initial moving and party thing which was pettiness all around. reader is probably the one less in the wrong but she also has a grudge against azriel based on first impression (which is the same one he has one her). azriel should have just moved the damn bike and shouldn't have been annoying when she got locked out either but he has no obligation to be her friend. rhys shouldn't have talked to azriel like that, yea az should apologize but he doesn't have to be friends w reader and feyre just because rhys wants to get in her pants. feyre is kind of doing the same thing with reader, she knows reader doesn't like rhys so she should have told her she liked him, that scene of her avoiding her gaze at the picnic.. come on. feyre also didnt tell reader that az was going to be at the picnic which again reader is not obliged or should be forced to hang out with someone she's uncomfortable with. and even cass isn't being at best in my opinion, he also didnt tell az reader would be at the picnic (or reader that az would) or that he'd be going to do whatever their plans were and (maybe im being a little petty for this) but going out of his way to be friends with fey and reader is fine for the story but if my bestfriend went to try to be friends with someone they know i dont like i'd be hurt and confused, with everyone in the world you seek out the person you know your friend doesn't like? it's a weird thing to do. i get the vibe that he didnt even consider this but considering your friends feelings i something you definitely should be doing.

also correct me if i'm wrong but i didn't think azriel was playing music loudly to annoy reader, i read it as he plays music loudly to drown out his thoughts and when he's drawing or whatever. which is still not a great thing to do when you know you have neighbors and he should invest in some noise cancelling headphones but it's not him being intentionally malicious.

I think the great thing about this is that we can look at it in so many different ways that more than one person can be correct about how they perceive what’s going on. Everyone is young and still learning how to navigate these relationships, and yeah, certain people might be approaching it all from the sense where they’re like, i want to date this person, of course i need to get along with their friends and i want them to get along with mine because i don’t want to sacrifice those relationships. Which is understandable as it is fucked up. Lust can be a bitch sometimes. 

There’s many ways that this could have all gone and who is going to say what or what they’re not going to say. I’ll say this, I’ve been in circumstances where once someone is in a new relationship i’ve seen and been treated like shit because of it. They’ll drop you, lie to you, do anything basically because they’re like head over heels for the new person they’re seeing. They’ll beg you to hang out with them even though you don’t care for them because they want you to be a part of what’s going on and they want you to get along with that person. And yeah, i’ve hung out with people i haven’t liked before for a friend because i’m her friend and i should want to support her. Even if I didn't like the person, it was later a mutual choice not to hang together because I didn't care for him. It sucks sometimes, but it for sure happens. 

Azriel has a lot of things going on in his head for him, the music does help him drown them out, but there have been some times where she’s pounded on the wall for him to be quiet and he’s made the music louder, so there’s a bit of both going on, but we can’t blame reader because she has no idea what’s going on in his life, nor does Az know what’s going on in hers. They’re just two people who had run into each other under the wrong circumstances, because initially we saw the reader think that he was a good looking guy, but his actions turned her off from him.

Yeah, everyone’s being a bit of a dick right now in their own ways and I'm sorry if that has upset you in any way. I thank you for bringing up your feelings as well because the different perspectives and how people are reacting to my work is very helpful to me, so thank you for sharing your thoughts! 💙💙

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Another Chisaki au scenario that came to my head!

Sleepless nights...

The cries of his four month's son seemed to echo in his head, even if he tried to muffle it with his hands.

"Why is he still awake and crying?!" He didn't liked to shout, but Kaito's cries were so loud that if he didn't raised his tone of voice, you wouldn't be able to listen to him.

"I don't know!" You whined in despair as you bounced the kid that finally stopped crying but didn't go to sleep either...

He didn't remember when it was the last time he or you had a good and health eight hours of sleep ever since you gave birth... the man also lost count on how many times he heard from his commurates, and some partners from the yakusa, asking him when was the last time he slept...

"Why is it so difficult for this kid to fall asleep...?" He grunted in his hands, almost letting out a desperate shout as you placed Kaito back on his crib.

"We should have know... you have a light sleep after all." You groaned, huffing at the glare your husband gave to you.

"So now is my fault?" He growled while you raised your hands up in defense.

"I didn't say that." You mumbled while he towered over you.

"It looked like it." You two glared at each other for a bit.

"Well then, you misunderstood oh mighty husband of mine." You grunted as his eyes narrowed before he widen then suddenly.

"Shut up." He mumbled, making you gasp in offense. You prepared to scold him before he muffled any sounds that you could make with his palm being placed gently on your mouth.

"Shut. Up." He whispered as he pointed with his gaze at the sleeping little baby on the crib.

"Holy shit." You whispered as Kai nodded dumbfounded, you looked up at him "Quick. Sleep while you can."

"On the floor?" He asked arching one eyebrow in disgust.

"If we open the door is possible that he wakes." It took a few seconds for your husband to look at the door before he nodded.

Mysophobia his ass, he needed to sleep with his wife. Urgently.

All of your hopes were broken when Rappa stormed the door with a desperate Tengai from behind trying to make him stop along with Chrono.

"OVERJERK LETS GO FOR A MATCH RIGHT NOW!"

You and your husband widened your eyes in horror before noticing that your son had his eyes wide open and started to cry out loud, alarmed and definitely scared to death by Rappa's shout.

You and your husband's eyes twitched, while Rappa noticed that he fucked up... just a bit.

"Rappa..." both of you growled, scaring the fuck out of the man when not only Overhaul death glared at him, but the usual sweet and calm wife of his boss that normally spared his life a bit did the death look as well.

"Master I apologize." Tengai sighed with a hand covering his head in dissaproval of Kendo's actions "We tried to stop him but-"

In one blink of an eye you had picked up your son with a desperate sigh to start boucing him again in your sore arms, while Chisaki just punched Kendo hard on the face, making the man fly to the opposite wall annd almost break it with his weight.

"I didn't sleep for four months. My wife doesn't as well. And I am not in a good mood to waste my time with your insuferable existence." He growled while aproaching Rappa, gloves already forgotten and with a psycho look on his golden eyes.

"And you still has the courage to demand a match, when my son finally slept, and woke him up and scare the fuck out of my four month child..." his eye twitched violently as he aimed for Rappa's head "Now you just snapped my pacience Kendo Rappa."

Rappa gulped before sighing in relief when you and Chrono made his up his mind, getting the fuck out of there along with Tengai when Chisaki growled animalistic for him to dissapear from his sign...

"You two look like crap, god..." Chrono commented, lifting his hands up in defence as a shen of nervous sweat formed om the back of his neck at seing both of the parents glares that seemed to catch him on fire... "Forgive me."

Mimic soon joined you four... all of you reunited on the living room as a boucing and electric toddler giggled and jumped a bit in your lap as he poked both of his father and mother's tired faces.

"You two tried those shit things on the internet or something?" You both shooked your heads as you handed Kaito to Kai due to your sore arms... the kid whined a bit before Kai placed him on both his and your thigh.

"Is not entirely faithful the information on those... and we tried almost everthing..." Kai muttered, completly exausted but still boucing his leg along with yours a bit to entertain his son, whose giggled were emmited as he patted you guys legs as a signal for more.

Chrono and Mimic could see how grave the situation was by not only you guys appearance... but by seing that. Chisaki Kai. Overhaul. Was with huge as fuck eyebags and the mist unusual thing of all...

Without mask... he forgotten his so adored and needed mask and wasn't bothered by his son poking his face... he was really tired for let this happen without a scowl or growl of dissaproval.

Mimic suddenly snapped his fingers, while pointing at the couple.

"Ya two tried to tiring the little punk unto unconsciousness?"

Kai shook his head numbly as you made a 'huh?' Noise... being patted by Chisaki's hand shortly after...

Irinaka and Kurono shared a look before Chrono asked if he could pick up Kaito, you just nodded tiredly as your husband waved at him.

"My old man used to put me on his neck and ride like a horse." Mimic said while Kurono did the same thing with Kaito in hesitantion, cringing when the kid accidentaly pulled his hair hard.

"No no no! Bad idea Mimic! BAD FUCKING IDEA!" Kurono shouted as Kaito giggled and pushed harder "How the hell your father did those things?! He is a masochistic or what?!"

"Nah. He is dead." Mimic monoustly spoked before out of the sudden Kaito stopped and his bottom lip lip trembled a bit.

Both of them followed the kid's gaze and found, surprisingly, you and Chisaki completely passed out on the couch... you resting your head on his shoulder while Kai was resting his head on both couch and yours head... both having lips parted and Chrono almost laughed at seing a bit of droll on Kai's mouth.

The kid whined before crying out loud, making both parents woke up immediately and jump out of the couch in allarm.

Kai almost yanked Kaito from Chrono's head as he started to bounce a bit the kid, while you hushed the baby with your hands carresing his chubby face.

When Kaito stopped crying you both sighed a bit in relief as Kurono and Irinaka looked at you two in pity... before noticing the time...

Three fucking a.m...

"Sorry boss but we've gotta go to the fuck sleep."

"I envy you two..." Chisaki growled before he dismissed both of his commurates... mumblimg a 'two good for nothing' angrily as he tried to make his kid go to sleep by hearing his heart beat.

Kaito just laughed and tried to reach those three piercings on his left ear.

"I am about to cry at any minute..." you said brokenly before looking up at your husband, whose look wasn't much different.

"We're on the same boat angel..." he said monotonously but you could see the way his eyes were almost breaking.

"Is it us..?" You teared up, immediately regretting when you saw your baby worried face and maiing grabby hands to you.

"Is my fault. I know it is. Is evident." Kai muttered while handing Kaito to you, whose pushed your hair a bit.

"Is not!" You whispered yelled, tearing up at your husband tired and defeated face.

"Drugging is out of question." He said with a sigh before dropping on the couch along with you.

"Agreed... as much as I wanted, but agreed." You both groaned while resting the back of your heads on the couch.

"Another sleepless night..." you moaned, your son giggling at the face of his father.

Pops entered the room for a bit, widening jis eyes at seing his sucessor and daughter in law with wide open eyes staring numbly at ceiling, as his grandchild were boucing on his mother lap playing with his father and mother's shirt.

He chuckled before walking towards the tired pair and crossing his arms with a smirk while looking down at the three. Kaito looking up and made a shriek noise with a big toothless smile at seing the elder.

"Father and motherhood being harsh on my favorite couple?" He asked laughing, noticing how neither of you or Chisaki blinked or changed your gazes from the ceiling.

"... is possible of dying when you dont have much sleep... i think its our case Pops." Chisaki hoarsely mumbled while his wife made a sob noise.

"We're the worst parents, we cant even put our baby to sleep..." you whined, making Pops smiled in sympathy at the couple before he chuckled and gently pry the baby out of you guys grasp.

"There is nothing wrong with any of you. Is just normal parenthood." He chuckled when the baby made coo noises as he touched his face.

"It feels like hell." Both of you sighed, the elder shaking his head in disbelief before he montioned for you two to get up.

"You two tried giving the kid a warm bath?" He spoke while walking, you two almost dragging your feet along due to your exaustation.

"Yes and he made a mess which I had to clean up... this brat is a demon." Kai mumbled ignoring your attempt of scolding him...

"Well, lets try something then."

Pops made his way to your guys room, turning on the lights only to go straight to you guys shared bed and place a squirming and giggling Kaito on the middle of it, covering him with the blanket.

"Pops, with all due respect. My son will fall from there. And where the fuck me and my wife should suppose to sleep?" He grunted tiredly before Pops grabbed on your hand to push you to the other side.

"Like the kanji for the river." He pointed at Kaito making grabby hands at the ceiling, soon mentioning to you both to lay down.

You and Chisaki changed looks before sitting down on your sides, looking at Pops like he grew another head.

"Babies love to sleep snug between their mothers and fathers." He turned his back to left the room with a yawn "Good night Kai and (Y/n)."

"Pff. Like that is going to work." You whispered still looking at the door.

"Indeed." Your husband nodded.

You both widen your eyes at suddenly hearing sleepy sounds and breaths and slowly looked down to see Kaito, face in bliss with eyes closed.

You two twitched eyes violently at the sign... you at least sighed in relief a bit after, but your husband still was glaring down at his son.

"This... brat. Such a futile and stupid technique and he-" you cutted your husband with sigh and pressing your fingers to his lips to shut him up.

"At least he is sleeping..." you dropped your head mercilessly on your pillow, Chisaki imitating your actions shortly after.

"Angel.." he grunted in his pillow, reaching for your hand to hold and sighing when he found it.

"Hm?"

"We're both idiots... and this rascal is a brat."

"Agreed. But not the brat part."

Chisaki lifted his head to look at you in disbelief.

"After all those months you still have the courage of-"

"Kai I love you with all my soul am life my debil, but please go to fucking sleep." You whined

Bonus:

Pops chuckled in unamusement with arms crossed.

Seing his sucessor with mouth completely open as he breath in and out in deep sleep as his child slept snuggly on the top of his chest and his wife snored with her head on his shoulder.

The three seemed in deep sleep, and Chisaki had a subconscious protective hold on both his child and his wife...

"Pops good mor... a miracle happened aparently." Chrono came up with Mimic, both widening their eyes at the sign in front of them.

Wait... since when Chisaki leaved his bedroom's door open?

"The kanji for the river never fails." Pops mused out loud, the three man turning their heads at hearing heavy footsteps of Rappa coming.

"Where's Overhaul-?!" Chrono and irinaka tackled the huge man to the ground, making him shut up while Pops widened his eyes at hearing the bed sheets moving.

"You're a fucking suicidal?!" Kurono whispered shouted as Mimic only glared daggers at the man, knowing that if HE shouted he was going to be the one overhauled.

Pops sighed in relief at seing that neither of the Chisaki's had woke up, only Chisaki who had closed his mouth and nestled his face on his wife's head.

"Everyone on this base is forbidden to come closer to this room. Understood?" Pops comented as he slowly closed the door.

Kurono and Mimic nodded, punching Rappa for trying to object.

[fuckingfinwions]

I see what you mean! Also the image of Curufin specifically being humiliate/paraded is very evocative! I guess I want 2 know if there are ever times when maedhros tells nolo/fingon+curufin to do something and curufin tries to refuse/slack off bc *he* feels humiliated by it and fingon/nolo are just like 'shut up and go along with it, itll be over faster/don't get me in trouble too'? i imagine they were much gentler towards their own family ofc but fingon seems to (rightfully) hate curufin. is nol

*nolo ever like 'curufin you literally used to do this all the time--don't you remember how much all of you relished in punishing 'disobedience''? it just seems like a fascinating power dynamic where ostensibly curufin, nolo, and fingon (and tyelpe later) are on the same 'level' but they dont actually all like or trust or work together and maedhros does treat them differently (he seems more affectionate with fingon?). so them interacting alone or while with mae is so interesting bc they are cons

*constantly scheming to try and make things better for themselves or at least Not Worse but totally could fuck it up for each other. i also wonder if nolo/fingon are gentler with celebrimbor once he finally comes of age and joins them? do they like...tell him what to expect when he's afraid of it happening in the future, or give him any adivce, or comfort him when it does happen? does curufin do that either or does he just refuse to think abt it? i cant iamgine nolo/finno being mean to tyelpe

wondering eg--maedhros has to go deal with something urgent & to save time tells curufin/fingon to prep each other. does curufin actually do it well? does he do a good job? does fingon? obviously neither want to touch each other, but if its nolo+fingon they have an incentive to cooperate just to make it easier on each other. do curufin & fingon actually work towards this? does fingon do a decent job bc he knows there will be consequences? what would punishment actually be if there would be any?

also i have to say its darkly ironic that being so 'low' spares fingon & nolo some very poignant humiliation that maedhros inflicts on curufin. do they still get ordered to do things to each other at parties or was that just something the feanorions did as teenagers & maedhros has 'grown out of'? (also do nolo/fingon ever get to write letters to turgon&aredhel? would they get a chance to see them if they visited? do t&a ever try to rescue them? would they rescue curufin/tyelpe too?)

There are definitely times when Curufin refuses to do things, but Nolo and Fingon would rather get it over with. Maedhros doesn’t call them all to his chamber that often, but when he does it’s for something elaborate. Also, Maglor has permission/access to them as well, and once he gets over it being weird to fuck his (former) brother, he’s going to want full on erotic plays. Curufin has been “broken in” enough that he no longer tries to run or attack, but he still has his pride. He mostly realizes that he has to obey orders for outright sex acts, but if he feels like he’s the butt of a joke, he’ll just stand there. Or sometimes if a chore is particularly humiliating, he’ll also refuse to do it, even if it’s moving something heavy that really needs multiple people.

When Curufin’s being uncooperative, Nolo will try to reason with him. “There’s only two ways this is going to end. You do it now; or you stubbornly refuse to until they punish you and then you do it. I know it’s unpleasant, but there’s no way around it.”

Fingon, by contrast, doesn’t expect reasoning with Curufin to work. If Curufin’s the only one who will get punished, Fingon leaves him to it. If not, Fingon will try to physically force him to go along. Maglor’s script calls for Curufin to crawl on his knees; Fingon trips him. Maedhros wants them all to leave their robes in their room and come to him naked on the balcony, so there’s nothing to worry about getting blown away; Fingon grabs Curufin’s hand after his bath and starts walking. It turns into a physical fight once or twice, until Maedhros makes it clear he’s far too busy to deal with them fighting, and next time anyone is punched, both of them (or perhaps even all four) will be whipped. After that, they’re both careful to keep it to plausibly deniable “bumping into each other”.

When Curufin actually disobeys in front of Maedhros, there’s really nothing Nolo or Fingon can do.

Fun fact: Since Curufin is locked up in Maedhros’s bedroom for a week straight, it falls to Nolo and Fingon to look after Celebrimbor. He’s a terrified thirteen year old who just had his entire life upended, so they both have a lot of sympathy for him. (And he never hurt them, as that was a sexual privilege reserved for adults.) They teach him how to do the tedious chores, and where lunch is served for all the servants, and where extra cleaning supplies are kept if you run out of rags halfway through polishing the mirrors. They also explain how he’ll be expected to behave, and make sure to quickly greet any nobles they see in their work so that Celebrimbor can echo their response.

They don’t really know how to comfort Celebrimbor - him “losing” all his uncles, who he actually liked, is different than it was for Fingon - but they try. Nolo reassures Celebrimbor that Curufin will be back soon, after a few days he’ll be trusted enough to be out Maedhros’s direct sight, and Curufin was not seriously injured last time Nolo saw him. Fingon assures Celebrimbor that your father being trained to be a sex slave doesn’t actually mean he’ll stop loving you or wanting to hang out with you, though of course Curufin and Celebrimbor will have far less free time than they did before.

When Curufin here’s about this he’s furious. (This scene takes place with Curufin chained to a wall in the Servant Nolofinweans’ quarters, because that’s where  Maedhros put him for the night.)

Curufin: “Get away from my son! I won’t have you perverts corrupting him.”

Nolo: “What have we done that’s so perverse? All I’ve taught Celebrimbor is some useful cleaning tips.”

Curufin: “You’ve fucked your own brother, and your children! Fingon rode his brother’s cock in front of half the court, and your daughter spends most of her time in the palace naked and covered in seed.”

Nolo is not going to punch someone who is tied up and unable to punch back. At least, not unless directly ordered to. “You were often the one who ordered such, and yet you think yourself above us?”

Curufin: “I’ve ordered mules to carry things, and I’m above them too.”

Nolo: “You’re one to talk, with how you were gagging for Maedhros an hour ago.”

Curufin: “That’s different! He forced me to do it, you walked in there on your own two feet.”

Nolo: “I walked in because I knew I’d be dragged otherwise. I desire it less than you do.”

So yeah, they’re not exactly friends. Also, Fingon locked Celebrimbor in Aredhel’s old bedroom (with himself outside the door) when the argument started, to shield him from Curufin’s anger and humiliation. Hell get to talk to Curufin once Curufin is no longer talking about sex though.

eg--maedhros has to go deal with something urgent & to  save time tells curufin/fingon to prep each other.

First off: Curufin is still definitely attracted to Fingon and Nolo. He resents being told what to do, but if ordered to fuck or touch one of them he will take the excuse to get his hands all over them. He probably still won’t do a useful job though - more of playing with Fingon’s nipples or cock with one hand, while one finger of the other is in Fingon’s ass so Fingon can’t pull away. Fingon considers prer to be defined as stretching and lubing Curufin enough that Maedhros will enjoy sticking his cock in, with Curufin in little enough pain that he can come if Maedhros tries for that. So Fingon just goes with three fingers from the start, and uses Curufin’s moment of surprise to reach back and prep himself a bit better. Sure, Curufin would be punished for doing a bad job, but Fingon would be stuck with inadequate prep.

Fingon doesn’t push Curufin away because Maedhros could be back at any moment, and he ordered them to prep each other rather than themselves. (Maedhros finds the thought of his sex slaves “playing with” each other very arousing, even though he knows it’s just a show for him.)

Maedhros goes for the thematic/ironic punishments. The next night, Maedhros orders Fingon to prep Curufin as badly as he was prepped, and then puts a giant dildo in Curufin. He can take it out when he comes, and he’s not allowed to touch his cock.

That’s assuming that Curufin’s bad prep “just” caused pain or injury to Fingon. If Curufin actually did such a bad job prepping Fingon that Maedhros had to wait, or felt pain, that would be terrible. Maedhros would beat him with a crop, and then chain Curufin’s hands behind his back - if he’s not going to use them as ordered, he doesn’t need them. If Curufin apologized very, very well the next night, Maedhros might unchain his hands before putting the dildo in.

(Fingon’s prep of Curufin is judged as adequate, especially if he touches Curufin’s cock enough to get it hard before Maedhros gets back. Fingon knows what his “audience” wants.)

Getting ordered to do things to each other at parties is mostly something Maedhros “grew out of”. He’s king now, and has a whole lot more power than just making “low” people fuck on his command. Possibly Maglor still orders it though. And Maedhros does like private shows, he just doesn’t need a big audience for his sex salves fucking each other.

I don’t think Maedhros would allow Nolo and Fingon to write letters back and forth with Turgon and Aredhel - too easy to plan an escape, even if Maedhros reads the letters too. He’d probably allow one way communication though.  Tugon and Aredhel can write letters to their family that will be read by a guard, but will reach their destination. Maedhros will occasionally have Nolo or Fingon attend him at court (clothed) so that everyone can see their subservience, and Turgon and Aredhel can know they’re still alive.

They would be standing beside Maedhros’ throne, fetching notes he left in his room, or a drink of water, or his lunch; wiping up any spills immediately, whether on the throne or the floor or Maedhros’s robes. Occasionally holding a book or similar where Maedhros can see it, without wrinkling his robe by setting it in his lap. After a year or so, Maedhros has Curufin attend him as well - in a beautiful gag the first couple times, just in case.

[hitchell-mope]

Just put on the movie

And there we go. The dedication is there.

Oh god the rapping.

My palms will be bloody by the time this is over.

But I like the parallels to the first movie

To much auto tune

There goes my heart Disney.

Oh lord that’s high

Bbys. Smee twins

WHY WASNT DIZZY THERE FROM FILM TWO

There’s my child Celia

MY BOY!!!!

I mean Mal has a point.

He thinks it through

I love him so fucking much

Loving Doug’s hair

Rat bastard. Rat bitch. Rat fairy (Adam belle Verna)

Fuck off leah chad Audrey

😍😍😍😍. This version is better then d1

SUCK IT PASTEL COW

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Oh Evie love. Just tell him you love him

FUCK OFF YOU GERIATRIC BITCH

YES WE WOULD PREFER MAL TO YOU YA BITCH

I hate you Adam and belle

Ben and the other three are adorable family

Still hating Audrey. So. Fucking. Much

Love the purple limo

WHY IS TREMAINE NICE. IT MAKES NO SENSE

Bal parent vibes are strong

They shoulda painted the limo roof purple

Dying of cuteness

Proud fiancé Mal. Love it

Fuck off leah

Here’s papa hades. And the ham.

DRAGON MAL. WHOO HOO

Ah well. Nice while it lasted

NOT HER JOB PASTEL COW

So. Much. Ham.

Poor girl. Ouch.

🤮🤮🤮🤮. I still hate her and her geriatric bitch of a grandmother

Oh bitch please. First words out of your mouth were creel. And it ain’t abated

I’m supposed to be sorry for this sad act? I don’t think so

So. Much. Rapping

Oh. SPARE ME WOMAN

Still theft. Throw her on the isle with her grandmother

Lonely and friendless. Because Mal is so much better then you ya limp noodle

Gotta be bad on the back

YOU DESERVE A SLAP AROUND THE FACE YOU SPOILED BRAT

Seriously though. The actual singing is better then the rapping. So gotta give satah her dues

Fuck off grown ups.

YOU PUT THEN THERE IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACD

Blue bitch. Just like always belle

Ok. People. You can see it’s hurting bal to do this. KILL THE BEAST

DONT CRY BABY BOY. PLEASE. LAST TIME ALMOST KILLED ME

Murder. The fucking. Parents

Evie. Evie’s sensible. Listen to your sister Mal.

And here comes the guilt. Like always. The narrative blames Mal

That darn cake

Ah. Pain. Hug them now

And jump scare

Oh god. Shut up Audrey. You’re a sore loser

Eh. The prosthesis look ok

Audrey. Nutter. Ben was more then ready to start the honeymoon when Mal was a dragon. Do you really think a hag would stop him?

😂😂😂😂

Oh boy

That’s a lie and you know it bluey.

At least the bikes have an explanation

Why the red for Evie though

And the mutt speaks

Fuck off Chad. I hate you so much

This bitch again

So shrieky.

Kiss ass

Real original

Jump Jane jump!

So many neck cricks

No one tells him anything

Cella’s right Mal

Overly long gag. But cute

Awww 🥰🥰🥰🥰. At least he’s a good dad

Nice reference

And the fear mongering begins.

And here’s the cryptid. He shoulda died in it’s going down

Psycho bitch pirate whore

Cella’s a troll and I love it

The vehicle needs an oil change

At least he’s sleeping. Though that position can not be comfortable

At long last the reveal.

He’s funny. And hot. (I can see where @mochacake2016 is coming from)

We know! We know

And here’s the music

😂😂😂😂.

He’s got a point

Ok.

THERES NO PHONES ON THE ISLAND QUEEN MAL

She actually sounds like jade west here

So far. Besides the proposal. This is my favourite song. Mostly for Hades great looks. Great voice

And the tambourine

Would be better with purple and blue fire effects. But no. We can’t have nice things. They spent the budget on pirate whores make up

She’s got a point. They both do

LISTEN TO HIM

Proud papa

C’mon girl. Cry

Of course she told her sister

He’s a good king.

T-shirt should be ripped.

🤮🤮🤮🤮. Hate her so much

And. Here. We. Go.

Benny. I love you. But did you not hear what she said to Evie when you first met the vks. Of course not. You were lost in Mal’s eyes.

Oh god. PLEASE SOMEBODY GO AND MELT HER

Whore man is probably skunk drunk. Gil’s cute as ever though

Throw hook in the water. And keep it there.

🎶she’s back🎶

And there screwed

He makes feel physically sick

Uma. I love ya. But honestly. Mal owes no one anything. It’s not her job.

No it ain’t

Jay’s got a point

Oh honey

Hook. In the words of the irreverent Captain Jack Sparrow “if the bikes be crashed properly. You be crashed along with it”. Not you Gil. I like you

Mother hen strikes again. Uma ain’t buying what she’s selling

Pure child Celia. (I don’t use this very much but) Gil’s babey (it feels wrong to type£

Chicken arms. No brains. No wit. No dance skills. No rapping skills. Ya basically a walking corpse hook

The dogs giving me a nervous twitch.

I hate the pair of them so no. No sympathy for prince douche bag

Gil makes me cry so simply

Stab the pirate jay. Please. For all of us

Psycho bitch

I want. It. Dead. Brutally. Dead

And more music. If this weren’t Disney they coulda melted them yo pukes of goo and pour it down Harry’s throat.

Oh god

So she can’t count either. Just like her brother

Definitely cha cha slide.

Deep sigh

So much ham.

Here’s a funny idea. How about instead of a bloody pantomime. ACTUALLY FUCKING FIGHT YOU FECKERS

Synchronised armour dancing. That’s new

Oh for fuck sake

Ha ha. Save it for the sob story bitch

What’s next a kick line

Thank god I was wrong.

Hook should be suffocated under the armour right now. Put us out of our misery

Care bear alert

I had to have a flu jab today. And it weren’t as painful as every single nanosecond hooks on screen

Love the platonic affection (I hate the very concept of malvie. What did you expect?)

Mother alert

Don’t eat wild fruit honey

So cute. But so dumb

Oh. Phineas and Ferb reference

Awww babies.

Don’t you dare tell me Mal doesn’t care.

THEY FOUND DOUG

Uma’s so done with care bear bs

More singing. Yay(!)

Please. Remind me again exactly why this is a DCOM. Cause it honestly does not feel like it what with the backstory pirate whores entire existence and the choreography

How has evie not broken a leg in this number.

Believe me Mal and Uma. I feel your frustration they go together like peanut butter and chocolate spread. (Perfectly if you didn’t know)

Where is she going?

She knows how R&J ended right? Double suicide. Why the romanticism huh?

HE IS NOT A RAG DOLL! Though props to Zachary for not corpsing

How can you hate Doug. He’s adorable. Best straight couple ever

There’s ma boy. Rip Harry’s throyatvout plwae.

Ben’s always been hot. But this is definitely working for me.

Awww. Carlos helping his papa

Wet Ben. Yum

Awww. Janelos cuteness.

Love the beard. So good. 🤤🤤🤤🤤

Someone murder the man whore before I do.

He makes me wanna throw up. And I’m not physically capable of doing that

@rpsocsandcanonohmy. I get where you’re coming from. But I also get where Ben is coming from. Sunbeam did get him abducted. And man slut tried to feed him to sharks. So I do understand both points. Doesn’t mean you’re wrong though

JUST. EXPLAIN. HIS MIND IS BEAST ADDLED

Shoulda let Ben slash hooks throat jay. You’re slipping buddy

Mal’s eating crow

Hopefully he chad suffocates. Then she’s have done one thing that wasn’t completely worthlessly reprehensible

🎶feelings🎶

And it had to ruin it

Te-am work. As plankton says

Proud sister

Boys are back. (With dude and the mutt in tow)

YAAAAAAAAAY

I hate happy harry. But I do like happy Uma. Eh. Double edged sword

BAL THIRST. FINALLY

Shoulda gone with Janelos. Jarlos is from big time rush

Oh they’re so cute

Poor Doug.

DOUG AND GIL FRIENDSHIP.

So. Update. Might be like Mal. (Definitely loving Ben’s facial hair)

Yawning over chad. So pathetic

Her seat from him douchey mcuseless

Poor Janey

Cats outta the bag

Once again. I kinda understand all points. Yeah Mal shouldn’t have lied. But Uma didn’t really give her and choice. And Evie just kinda assumed. And no one really lets her explain anything.

Hooks still pathetic. Even hurt emotionally I still wanna punch his roger rabbit looking face (Sorry Roger)

Oh dear

Mal. Don’t apologise. You did what you felt you needed to do. And no gives you a chance to explain. Ever.

Yes. You needed to do what you could.

Excellent acting all around as usual

Evie. Look. I love you. Your favourite number seven. But WHY IS IT YOUR SISTERS JOB. WHY DOES EVERYONE MAKE IT MALS PROBLEM

Ha! Evie said it. She said family.

Oh fuck. Taken for granite

More singing.

Monster/story/invincible

I do want to stab Harry in the mouth with the hook

More flashback. Yay(.). Couldn’t they fill out the runtime

Flashbacks. TO THE START OF THE SO G THE FLASHBACK IS FROM. OH FOR FUCK SAKES

More dragon.

Audrey’s performance might make me a vegetarian

How is it not crushed by the claws?

Fire should be green

Yay. Auds dead. Please say yes?

The twins say literally one thing

From magical incantation to vaguely irritating verbal tick. Well alright then

Evie. Why do you sound so sad. It’s a good thing Audrey’s dying. The ultimate price and all that. You should be glad. It’s a good thing

Mal: he’s my father. Ben: shocked face. Me: makes a sound like a boiling kettle

Bye bye facial hair

Die slut

More eating crow

The in laws meet

Exactly hades. Exactly. Knee beast in the dick

God Ben’s so hot.

Bite Adam’s throat out please hades

Should’ve let Audrey waste away. And sent granny to Tartarus to meet her

OH SPARE ME YOUR BLEEDING HEART ROUTINE! I still hate you in a fundamental level

OH FINALLY YOU GERIATRIC BITCH

Nice little family moment

What the fuck is Evie’s dress?

Queen Mal has a very nice ring to it.

Sure you can. You owe them noting. You owe nobody anything

Jay has a pull back braid in his hair. Yay!

“Audrey would be gone”. You say it as though that’s a bad thing

“Insert woody woodpecker laugh”. Fuck you Adam

Compromise. Bring the vks over. And plop Adam Audrey chad anleah on the isle. Sink it into the ocean

Why didn’t Verna bring the barrier down. Oh yeah. Cause then she’d be useful

More singing

At least this takes place in daylight

I still hate harry

Push Harry in the drink please. IM LITERALLY BEGGING YOU

God I love Ben and Doug

Why the Charleston?

I still hate tremaine

Well. Jane. In ZM. You met Mal. She’s Carlos’s mother in this au

Giljay. It’s cute

So Harry makes me ill right upbto the end. Now he’s related to purple and blue

🎶a bitch is in the dog house🎶. And deservedly so

🤮🤮🤮🤮

Sweet little king

Oh boy

Whore has a turkey neck

This is the end. Good movie. With some unneeded bits. I’m gonna change a lot in ZM part three. And both dedications broke me.

[crimsonsalutations]

What don't you like about fandom hanzo? :o just asking because I'm really picky about it myself personally

oh anon youve asked the Wrong question bc i have A Lot of thoughts on my boy hanzo

BUT before i say anything i just want 2 say that Despite the fact that i bitch a lot abt characterization on this blog, i dont intend hate or disrespect @ anyone who portrays characters in the way i bitch about. fandom is about making yourself happy & if a characterization makes you happy then you should pursue it despite what my dumb bitch ass has to say about it. ok.

ive mentioned this a few times before but i 

A. love redemption arcs and 

B. dont like... victimization. whether its canon or not-- like a character whose whole thing revolves around them being a victim of everything in their life? eh. boring. like widowmaker: she was a happy ballerina... she got brainwashed... it’s like... now what. she was happy, now she’s a victim, there’s nothing cool in there to explore.

i dislike characterizations of hanzo where people try to explain away the fratricide with ‘he was abused by sojiro’ or ‘he was brainwashed by the clan of elders’ partially because of what i just said and partially because it just seems unlikely in canon bc

1.chu... a while ago, said genji was part of overwatch when he was human, which we took as a slip-up but i dont think(?) that he ever took that back. 

2.genji says something in retribution like ‘no matter what i do... i cannot escape my fate’ when mccree says they’ve become assassins, implying he’s tried to escape becoming an assassin.  

3. overwatch was conveniently close enough to genji & the shimadas that they could swoop in and save him before he actually died

4. genji wasnt murdered. he was brutalized. he has scars up and down his arms, he’s got burn scars on his face, and when hanzo was done with him he couldnt walk anymore. plus there’s a post somewhere on here that theorizes due to the nature of blackwatch genji’s prosthesis +  the blood spatter in hanamura, it seems that hanzo attacked him from behind

hanzo’s bio says

Upon the death of his father, the clan elders instructed Hanzo to straighten out his wayward younger brother so that he, too, might help rule the Shimada empire. When his brother refused, Hanzo was forced to kill him. This act broke Hanzo's heart and drove him to reject blah blah 

but genji’s death doesnt seem like some kind of duty driven, single-manly-tear-slipping-down-the-cheek, hold-him-in-your-arms-as-he-goes death. he was brutalized. hanzo was angry.

while hanzo’s bio talks about hanzo’s broken heart, genji’s bio says this

Hanzo demanded that Genji take a more active role in their late father's empire. Genji refused, enraging Hanzo. The tension between the brothers built to a violent confrontation that left Genji on the verge of dying. 

and i mean ok. im not here to judge hanzo or condemn him (personally i think ppl who try to assert their moral superiority over fictional characters are.. a little pathetic) & there’s a lot that goes into this, pressure from the elders, japanese culture, unhealthy environments. but hanzo had a choice.

all this stuff seems to imply to me that genji betrayed the shimadas for overwatch. maybe he caught on that he was in danger without sojiro around to protect him. maybe he just wanted out. i dont know. does it matter? 

but hanzo couldve spared him. couldve cast him out. couldve done a bunch of things, but he didnt. 

the fact is. that hanzo killed his brother. (brutalized his brother).

 and thats why i find him interesting. how do you deal with that?

like, okay. you’re standing there, and you’ve got your little brother’s blood on your hands. and you’re looking down at him (at his corpse) and the adrenaline high is leaving and it’s beginning to sink in that you’ve murdered your little brother. in cold blood. what do you do? what’s next?

i mean, you punch someone in the face and you feel bad about it, you go ‘oh shit im so sorry’ and you grab them an ice pack. but genji’s dead. there’s no one to apologize to. there’s no way to fix it. you’ve done a terrible thing. an evil thing. an abusive, awful, terrible thing. and you cant take it back. and there’s no one or nothing to blame it on: you did it and there’s nothing you can do to change that. 

what’s next? where do you go from there?

that’s what i find interesting about hanzo. because thats the thing about overwatch. anyone can be a hero. even if youve killed your brother. even if you’re the worst person on the planet. all you have to do is try.

and. in this context it makes more sense that hanzo rejects genji at first. the cycle he mustve been going down those ten years.

i killed my brother --> im a terrible person because ive killed my brother --> i killed my brother because im a terrible person

his whole concept of himself has devolved into this brother-killer who can never redeem himself, and then genji pops up one day like ‘hey whats up’ and this isnt just forcing hanzo to re-evaluate his relationship with genji, but also himself. it’s a bit self-centered, yeah, but he rejects genji in part because He Is A Brother Killer, that’s just how he sees himself. genji shows up and hanzo’s like, ‘you cant be alive because im a filthy bastard that killed my brother’

its obvious he still regrets it though. he says it was duty (i cant even get into that w/o more context abt what he means by ‘duty’ + the whole situation beyond vague descriptions in bios) and he also stopped using a sword after that. which is interesting either way. was that out of respect? did he just feel sick using one? idk. 

the whole idea of blaming what he did on abuse or brainwashing is just so meh :/ to me because i just dont like those kind of stories. partially because a lot of the time they just feel like the author is trying to garner sympathy for an unlikable character, and partially because oftentimes abuse is passed off as a motivation when it’s not. 

lots of people are abused. there is no one reaction or outcome of abuse. someone lashes out at their abuser and kills them, that’s because they were angry or scared, not because they were abused. the anger was created bc of the abuse but the anger is what led them to act, not the abuse. 

hearing about the abuse just makes me sad, and to be completely honest it doesnt make me sympathize with a character any more or less. it’s just like adding really bland cheese to a sandwich. i can tell the cheese is there, but i cant taste it and it doesnt really affect the sandwich. all it does is give me more to chew.

hanzo didnt kill genji because he was abused or brainwashed, or else all abused/brainwashed children would kill their siblings. hanzo killed genji because he was angry (maybe that anger as born of abuse. frankly i dont think it matters much). what i want to see less of with hanzo is ‘fucked up bastard kills his brother’ and less of ‘poor abused baby accidentally tripped and stabbed genji with his sword :(’ and more ‘confused man tries to figure out how to live with himself after realizing he is kind of an awful person’

plus i feel like hanzo is a very specific balance between a broken man and a complete jackass and no one seems to combine those 2 traits in a way that satisfies me

[flower-of-the-desert]

2x04 Thoughts

This is me trying to keep my cool throughout this episode.

Because FUCK YOU, Aldertree

And fuck the Clave

And fuck every damn shadowhunter out there

And fuck Simon too and his constant whining and total lack of respect for the very people WHO ARE KEEPING HIM ALIVE AND TAKING HIM UNDER THEIR WING WHEN THEY REALLY DONT FUCKING HAVE TO (spoiler alert I’m not talking about Clary here)

Ok but really, these people have their own CREEPY TORTURE CHAMBER WHERE YOU CAN HEAR THE AGONIZED SCREAMS OF THEIR PRISONERS, they literally torture people to get what they want and call it “motivation”, they punish their own people for not BLINDING AND UNCONDITIONALLY OBEYING THE CLAVE, and then someone - either show or fandom or whoever else - has the balls to present them as anything resembling heroes??? Oh no, I am officially DONE with this bullshit.

The Clave and the shadowhunters (INCLUDING THE ONES IN THE OPENING OF THE SHOW) are nothing more than a group of evil racist self-centered dickheads with a superiority complex the size of North America and if the show doesnt bloody address these things at some point, so help me God.

*deep breaths* more under the cut

Now that that’s out of the way, onto the rest of it. I think I’m gonna devide these reviews into three parts - things I liked, things I didnt like and things that flat out made no sense.

Things I liked include:

Magnus, of course (told you to get used to it); all of his scenes in this episode were very nicely done and emotionally-charged with the sprinkles of tragic backstory (though I do have some issues with that but onto it later). His conflict about whether or not to send Camille to Idris was also perfectly handled in my opinion as were their interactions. I loved the detail of him sending Raphael and Simon away so he could deal with her on his own. His bond with Raphael was also lovely to see and hopefully there will be more of it in the coming season.

Camille, however short her visit was, was also a delight. I really enjoy her as a villian, the way she’s not afraid to say what everyone else is too chicken to and the way she can quickly zero in on your weakness and play around with it.

The episode continues to build up my sympathy for Jace which I am very impressed by since I left s01 hating his guts for the most part. But damn if I dont want to give him a hug now. The poor kid tried to kill himself twice in this episode alone and tbh I am starting to understand some of his fans’ complains that this fandom just loves to hate/ignore him for the same things they adore Alec for. 

Things I didnt like:

Magnus sharing his suicide story with fucking Simon of all people. WHY?? Just why with him when they barely know each other and Simon has been nothing but an ungrateful brat to him?? Why Simon when RAPHAEL is right there and you’ve just established that he and Magnus shared a very close bond??? I get the writers wanted to reveal this information to the audience but my god, there were so much better ways to do it than bloody Simon. And then they’re gonna try to tell me that Mmagnus sharing his past with Alec is a big deal when he apparently just goes around and tells random semi-strangers about it too? Please, spare me this nonsense.

Speaking of Simon, his constant whining is really getting on my nerves. I get that he’s having a hard time but come the freak on already! He’s being self-centered enough to qualify as a shadowhunter. And I’ll probably never forgive him for getting Raphael into that mess so there’s that.

The... m@lec scene? If you can call it that. What even was that? First  Alec has absolutely no reaction to hearing Magnus will be punished for trying to help him and even has the audacity to joke about it and then he goes like oh, btw I tots felt you there with me and it made a difference. Excuse me, what? This is at best a retcon from the previous episode or at worst a lie from Alec in case Magnus doesnt want to sleep with him anymore. Because no, no, at NO point during the previous episode did the show give ANY indication that Alec felt Magnus’s presence and it affected him in any way. They even had the KISSING scene and that DIDNT BLOODY WORK. What nonsense is this now?? If the writers wanted to write in something to acknowledge Magnus’s efforts, fine but why write something that is blatantly not true, damnit???? just twinking the line a bit would have worked perfectly - like have Alec say Izzy told me you tried everything to save me and I’m grateful to you for your efforts or something! Still gets across the same idea but without turning your already assholish asshole into an even bigger asshole by having him blatantly lie to the guy he’s supposedly in love with and/or creating an unnecessary plothole.

Jocelyn not giving a crap about that other kid of hers who is currently locked in jail and suffering. Mother of the year, that one. And Clary not even once bringing up the fact that hey, maybe planning to leave for Idris and take only me is kind of a dickish move towards YOUR SON, REMEMBER HIM?

Luke being willing to leave his pack behind to go bang his shadowhunter girlfriend in Idris. Does... like does Luke remember he’s a werewolf now? An alpha at that? Who supposedly has responsibilities to his pack members and cant just up and abandon them cause he’s more interested in getting laid? If I didnt know any better I’d say he’s your typical shadowhunter. Which, you know, would have made for a very compelling story arc for Luke - having to adjust to a completely new way of life and having to shed all his previous prejudices and misconceptions about what DWs are like and what it means to be one and experiencing life on the other side of the devide, etc. But nooo, we just cant have nice things like that.

Things that didnt make sense:

Izzy suddenly having some sort of resentment towards Alec and thinking he’s the favourite child while she’s living in his shadow? What?

Raj continuing to be a dickhead for no apparent reason?

Clary killing the demon WITH A SINGLE LOUSY SLICE of her sword???

Demons not normally having cloaking abilities? Why? That’s like saying tigers dont have teeth or something.

[haeroniel-doliet]

thbleugh but what bich is gonna fight me for me

idk im just gonna rant again, im sorry if youre on mobile just like, give it a big flick and fly past this i tried i actually have a read more this time

anywy im feelin shitty an dumb n weird an its not fun?? like do we try categorize these feelings: 

1. i have 3 days to pass a course and all the course work i failed to do in fucking march 

1.b. all those emotions to do w unis great! but also ive been solow and sad and dysfunctional its not rly even funny, grades dropping many levels in half a year like. sure grades dont define my life but considering how easy it is for me to get those grades to see them consistently and kinda dramatically dropping isnt helping (even though like i actively know i got lower grades bc i didnt fucking attend class or take in any knowledge. i realise hahah im making a psychology reference bc im a smart psychology uni student.... hmh oh yeah we, we learned about this, i dont know it. my peers do. oh. oh i didnt, i didnt learn anything. oh no. im here to learn abt the subject im supposedly loving and thats the best fit for me bc like hell id be an artist. anyway i have a lot of shit down here i havent figured out who to talk it out to. the mental health advisor didnt have the time for it rly and w counsellors its been different topics but now were in summer and id rather spend the spare money i can rattle off my parents on ballet than a psyhc i could see 2 times best. im just gonna have to wait till septembet bc my dumb white wall subscitption expired too damnti. ugh im just, okay lets move on

2. inadequacy thats not justified? like it is obvs bc it bothers me and i know i can do better and i am better than this all and i clearly have smth stopping me. while to others im doing just fine if not better than them who are really struggling and kinda dont have sympathy for me who goes ‘ugh im doing so badly and struggling, i mean i write perfect essays in one go but its just so hard to do thattt and i know im smarter and better than this’ esp bc say putting words together in that way is difficult on them and not been good at school

2.b. like being good at school but noot being good now, classic phenomenon or has my school system always been the softes most coddliest and where in the normal or worse school 1would have performed average and maybe learned to study and the worth of it to do better, ive just been good enough that caring became so unnecessary i need to waste my time on pointless but constant other things. like youtube and rpchats. constant monotone stimulation for hours. andhours. 

2.c. asking for help bc im struggling w actually getting over the fuzzy and struggle and self hate and blegh feelings to do some work thatd allow me to pass the coursein my 3 days of the very last extended time. and then realising, ah either youve slaved over your work and stressed and panicked to have it good and on time and have no pity left for me and my foolishness, or you never got to uni/struggled to go to uni and think im wasting my opportunity by being an ungrateful lazy piece of hsit. and i know ia m. and 2.d. its the reason why im not doing extra volunteering or serious extra curriculars thatd give the headstart in my lfie. bc, even tho on one side i wanna be that kid and owuld scoff at ppl not doing it who are here for fun and get a degree on the side, rn i see it as not stealing away dedicated good peoples spots who deserve to get the extra recognition for being clever and independent, meanwhile knowing htat probablyill be just fine. worst case scenario for me is literally (ok theres worse but v unlikely) living w my parents and ending up at a mediocre service job to another mediocre office job or smth and never get to a lab bc i wasnt sufficient enough and i never got the cotton balls out of my head and cleared up again to be smart enogh

okay what next, shitty privilige, crying abt my cotton ball head or not being smart

3. okay were gonna do the smart first bc my chest hurts and i kinda feel like crying or smth abt it. like in a dumb (fun) chat im playing athena known for wisdom and all this shit, and though i can throw out a quip or two or cleverly use smth to keep the smartass wisdom stick going on, every now and then i realise how dumb i am and not smart enough that another person could clearly fill this in much better. like. you know all the hilarious posts abt mansplaining and women being pushed out of their fields by dumber men who think they know better bc the others a woman and like, yeah? things where they are confident enough to say, actually i am way smarter than you and i know this bettr. here i am feeling like even if i spent years researching smth i wouldnt have the confidence to feel smart and knowldegeable abt it. like rn, i cant even hold arguments anymore bc im a fool. and i come off as dumb and i dont want to be, i still wanna be the smart kid, but im not working my brain im not doing work or research or learning, im jsut floating by w my cotton ball head thats getting fuzzier and fuzzier and though i can do tasks and would probably b v compeittive if it came to that and need to prove myself as smart, i can no longer feel like id hold my own, esp when people poke holes so easily, trap falls, “hah you dont know what to say ive bested you you dumb bitch” vibey things i just. its horrible? i wanna be smart and be confident in my smartness and feel recognized as smart by other people and live up to that expectation of actually being clever. and not just, knowing im smart enough in some ways bc school ive  passed so easy w always good remarks and participate well in class discussion and all, and im sure nobody thinks im rly dumb bc if i have to ask things im v friendly and try to be attentive. and idk if nobodys expecting more than me, bc again if i cant answer ive developed to be v chill about it and come off as average i guess. 

anyways 4. privilige; like thers multiple inc. the fact im fucking finnish aka my education system was supposedly one of the best, i grew up international so i wasnt even confined to one shitty school in one shitty town, ive had varied school experiences and switching so much i think has given me confidence in myself and shit like that. also bc im finnish i get grants in uni, like free money. and so far i have barely had to use it bc surprise my parents are togther and decently well off bc they got lucky w a job being fancy ppl for 3 years and my older brother is already  adulting and slowly doing his own thing so i can have more money from them. aka. catch my dad paying all my rent and food and everything i need/ ask for on the condition we keep a good releationship. and im reasonable bc he raised me smart apparently idk. but that still means im living at home i have no intentions of becoming an independent home owner bc idk how i would esp since ill be with my parents most holidays for years to come and idk even when or how ill become a real adult being in a real home w real comapnionship. bc rn idk who im even gonna live with, hopefully be civil w them maybe even make a bit of friends but im not gonna have a significant other to move in and support me for a while bc thats a thing idk if were getting into today in this why im feeling shitty rant. 

4.b. so im priviliged in everyway to go to uni for free (damn i gotta apply for that again) in a nice country and a nice and supportive school and get funding from both my parents and my country and not worry abt money and just get a degree all supported and babied again. im also, idk. priviliged bc, fuck writing comes easy to me, i know nayone reading my rants would be like... yeah this is barely legible and terrible writted and mind blurts so i say it is yes bc its mind blurts but i can organise my htoughts into fancy essays surprisingly easy and critical stuff like psych and english came  mad easy to an extent. sure, i wasnt talented in math but i still made it, i am not talented in science but sometimes the concepts click and i can . but then, im also talented in art. and im not ashamed to say its privilige disposition or talent or smth, bc damn. i do not practice or dedicate enough love to claim that. sure, ive drawn always, sure, ive practiced more as a kid thatn other kids and thats probably carried me thru pretty far, but i think ive just had a natural disposition to be good at art technique (creativity maybe not so, or inspiration) but i know what looks good and sometimes how to achieve that. cue montage to art class where i sit w my friends who are talking about bands or making outlines w nut shells bc there i am beside them doing the work in half the time twice as good. mostly bc the teacher wasnt great and would assign essentially copying a picture from a4 to a2 u know like drawing the same thing. and thats not easy. and youre supposed to build up really light layers and slowly refine it.  and ppl who listened only ended up w shitty light drawings that either look like potatoes or vaguely like the picture, while i with boosting confidence would go, we only do one super light sketch one medium sketch and one dark layer. bc by the medium one everything is in its place and looks abt like everyone elses and i need the dark hues to show it accurately even if it isnt perfect, and my work would like almost always stand out on the wall bc it was so different/advanced. i wont lie it influenced my friends to not draw as well or as much sitting next to me, and ofc id feel bad and i could never boast bc i felt bad that they didnt try bc they saw me, thought mines not gonna be like that so im just gonna fuck around and do whatever. and i obvs needed praise but would always feel bad bc it was obviously me who was the best in that class and its so self conceited but, it kinda just was true in that small class half of whom didnt want to be there. me butt kissin and trying to impress myself w my skill. catch like, that first day he asked us to draw the person next to us, and i made my partner draw me first, bc i just knew if i went first theyd look at it and draw me a potato stick figure in 5 seconds and say i cant draw like you. and true. while the rest of the class made sketchy circle guys, some looing so childish, here i went and said, okay i find it awkward having you stare at me and if  you move a lot it makes it harder to be accurate, so, like take out your phone and get comfortable and look down at that for a while hence drawing3/4 unlike anyone else w eyes cast down and damn if i dont remember it being beautiful and identifiable as that friend, even tho the teacher told ppl around me like, ah yes she did it this way, 3/4 not face on which is much easier. which is true but bitch you never said. sides it looks so much better and was so much less frustrating. anyway, even now in that chat i go and like drop my drawings in bc partially i just wanna draw more and showing people makes me draw? u know. and i kinda wanna get compliments. but ive figured im pretty humble abt it. and sure i get comments that are like god i wish i could draw like that from someone that doesnt draw arms or legs and theyre v bublehead cartoon. and im like. you could. but yours is still middle school level, so just, keep working at it, get confidence to break your mold. 

that andtheres this one chick that,,,, gawd, well they admit to being a sociopath in chat which is great and seem real attention seekery in general (theres a surprising amount of people, while in midst of rp and getting compliments go “well i guess im a shit rpr because nobody wants to rp with me ://) post art and then be like dramatically UGH i hate it it looks so bad im terrible at art, literally poster girl for fishing for compliments. and even if i dont like the style at all, i try give in anatomical pointers or smth abt the drapery or smth technical i can complement. bc id want the same i guess? and i dont love let alone like the art itself. and then, while getting so many of those theyre like “yeah well nobody likes my art, say it reminds them of this character (jessica rabbit while all hers have big hips big tits tiny waists massive lips massive eye, but just one eye bc the otehrs covered by hair like theres obvious similarities) which means im totally not original like i thought so why even try!” and other melodramatic things that i can argue, but they dont wanna hear it they want attention and praise and i just ughhh i could preach you about how no art is original and its all from influence, or how someone doesnt have to like your style to appreciate it, or someone might love your style and like. basic stuff ive figured out myself. and it gets frustrating trying not to get a superiority, or to start shoving my own art in there to try compete or smth. and its just. hard. idk. id k. i know theres people who are averse to art and never tried to be good at it who are obvs gonna be omg thats so good i cant even draw and ill be like, hah yeah sure dude if you tried maybe btut thanks. 

also drawing man its so weird, whenever i see someone elses drawing a part of me goes “we must draw so that we can show were better than that” like, either to get complimetns and shift it to me? or to just show them off. to be like. i can do it better. which i kinda hate about myself? that i draw mostly bc of that and a need to show off? like amxxs art or smth, them talking like yeahh ugly art is good art, drawing is so healing i feel great or im so proud of myself for improivng so much look at my art, and a part of me goes, awh yes! my theorys proven working on art for yourself improves and can cheer you up, another goes, yesnow i must draw to show how good i am and show how i too feel fulfilled by drawing but also make it about me by weeping how i hate drawing myself. literally smths wrong w me seeing others pot abt their midrift, or learning to accept their curves or drawing themselves or smth, and theres a gremlin of me going like yeah but i cant draw myself bc i tried once and it looks like shit and ill only highlight my flaws and im slightly afraid of someone saying it looks exactly like me or other dumb shit, or i dont have curves to accept bcim not big hip big thic thigh girl im just. my legs are big but mostly ugly bc of the skin on them not bc of their size (ankles tho oof) and i have no hips i have no butt bc it allwent to my stoamch thats also ugly and my broad   badly postured back thats also ugly w these spots and marks and scars soon probably. and saggy boobs dont forget those. bc theyre literally fat sacks aiming for the ground i guess. anyway. no cute curves,  no beautiful skin no nth its just tough and i cant help but feel the negativity towards myself in almost every glimpse of someone elses positivity. i dont always air it which would be horrible of me to do, but its still there. making their happiness about my misery. maxx loves their boyfriend?> i hate them bc i dont like him and its rining it> i hate them havingsuch a dreamy but fake seeming ‘soulmate’ relationship bc its not true and i think itll end up terribly> im neveer gonna have that and im jealous of them i guess having someone theyd dedicate so much to and who loves them so much theyre all over the place making sappy things> well theyre an oveer romantic whod do it over the smallest things this wasnt a great example. 

anyway yeah extra note, even if i felt comfortable enough for sex im not comfortable enough in my body for that and idk how thats relevant to anything but i guess thats smth id also talk w a therapist abt whod probably tell me, then dont have sex! like yeah thats my plan.but im talking never gonna be able to form a relationship bc even having a friend for a sleepover makes me uncomfortable having them see me in an uncontrolled clothed position. u feel. 

anyway i have a lot of little problems that amount and i guess when i start addressing one the rest pop up their ugly heads and this is why i never getanywhere. this all comes from  how shitty i feel from how i have literally not even 3 full days to complete those tasks and pass, and i know i need to, though nothing in me actually feels like itll actually do the work u know, that spiraled through that chat into privilige of being at school and how i should tryy a bit that turned to im priviliged to be smart to pass and in my talent in art despite not being an artist that spiraled to another way i disliked myself and thats my fucked relations to myself my body and relationships (esp including me that dont exist)  

side note, though no surprise if for some ungodly reason youve read this shit i wrote at 8.30 am when i have a docs appointment abt my very ugly skin at 12.45 i over share. easily. if somseone asks id give them all. look at this. even in that chat i spiraled from, hah fun fucked up thing im almost failing my course bc im a shit, to my  heads filled with fuzz and i hate that i cant live up to my potentia. and im surprised how much i like this one guy, though who with his character ripped into my athena and make me question all my smartness, really makes me feel better ooc??? like theyre genuinely nice and just too informed and funny and playing the dick for a very well thought out reason (drunk doesnt mean it etc) and while the sociopath gal is giving me the side eye after they tried to help but figured out im a prviliged kid whos in school for free and not making the most of it and how easy school has been forme when for them despite their hard efforts they failed high school.u know not reallly helping kinda making me fele worse bc i know i should be doing better and could be and not only bc i have a priviliged opportuntity to and ability, i would benefit so much more if i did it for myself. but here comes by weird guy who slips on a freudian approach and claims they love helping ppl through their problems so i drop another overshare paragraph if he rly wanted to help but lighten it by taking thetopic off, he doesnt return and never address my post bc now its onto talking abt the big rp thing. im not mad. i just, idk i kinda wanted their support, another poor stranger to inflict w my extremely troubled wordy lengthy and i guess complex thoughts and feelings and lack there of sometimes and other shit. 

anyway im not doing great but im gonna grab 3 hrs of sleep before the doc, come back, nap, go to ballet again, come back, ad.... do smth.. work. maybe. one can hope. i hate it will it actually work only time can tell and i hate myself already.ugh. i hate i hate im not okya with this why cant someone else deal w me for me. deal with all these feelings and botherings and make me do my work and be satisfied doing it and do it all in time and feel a little success and reward myself like i should for work done and not just when i want. idk. someone,t ake over my life, you might be better at it. help me dela with school that i currently hate the most even if im meant to end up a scholar or smth