#they don't neglect my thoughts or me

[sleeping-at-sea]

everytime i rejoin the call with my best friends and i can hear the fucking JOY in their voice i swear a part of me is crying

[causenessus]

just so u guys know i haven't been this attached to someone (suna) since oikawa tooru which started like 4 years ago i kid u not

[manasurge]

bleh

[averlym]

whshdfhfjf.,,,

[worstloki]

prize for least genre aware protagonist 👑

[snixx]

the philosophy of engineering college is really to work you so hard and homogenize the people you're around so much you forget you ever had other goals and dreams completely unrelated to stem in life lmfao

[wolfgirlsister]

∆

[lucyvaleheart]

.

[ravenquingvax]

14 year old me deserved better

we shouldn't have been bullied, our parents shouldn't have emotionally neglected us, we shouldn't have been allowed free reign on the internet

i have irreversible trauma all because my parents didn't understand the difference between giving shelter & food to someone and real parenting

i felt abandoned and unloved and pushed away and hated

i felt utterly worthless to, and unwanted by, the very people who had fought to have me

my parents went through IVF to have me, you know, and yet my whole life I've never really felt loved or wanted by them

i ended up so alone and scared i fell into an older person's trap and was hurt in ways that i didn't understand back then

i felt so broken and discarded, like i truly had nothing left to give to anyone else

it really fucked me up

i understand how this all happened and it sickens me

i hate that some parents hate their children and hurt them internationally, i hate that some parents don't know love and therefore can't give it to their own children in the future

i hate that people refuse to accept that girls can be evil and predatory, i hate that we treat victims as criminals even if they "followed every rule"

its no wonder i gave up on my education in the end

its no wonder i stopped living

im stuck and I feel helpless

i was talking to people, I was getting help, I was making progress (and technically i still am but not in ways that truly help in the long run) but it got too overwhelming and i just fucking shut down again

i feel trapped in a body that doesn't belong to me

it never did and never will

i feel trapped in a cycle of anger and sadness and sickness and exhaustion

5 10 15 20 25 30

i feel so fucking stuck

so fucking done

i woke up at 6am today and i couldn't fall back asleep

i trued writing it off, literally by writing fanfiction, and I've refreshed tumblr and twitter so many times since I woke up that in kind of sick of them

its now 8am and I feel dead

but not energy wise

just emotionally unwound

I'll probably feel better after i have some water and talk to my boyfriend, knowing me

but i wanted to talk about how just fucked everything feels

i feel like a vase someone smashed into smithereens and that was put back together with paper mache and string

her name kills me almost every time I see or hear it now

i think i might hate myself less than her these days, honestly

she stole my innocence and my trust and my childish love

she robbed me of a colour, of a book series, of a movie, of a flower and of so much more

she probably doesn't even remember me anymore, if she's still alive after everything

i don't know what I'd prefer

5 10 15 20 25 30

would i rather she got help and found love and happiness?

would i rather the opposite?

i feel too tired to care

she's not the last, nor am i certain she was truly the first

but she ruined me in ways nobody else could dream to

she left a sickness in my veins that i cant get rid of

its almost become lovely

i would miss it if it were gone

the hate is ugly and hisses, but i take comfort in its heat

maybe i am broken, maybe she broke me, maybe

i woke up today with terrible thoughts of things i dont want to do to myself or to others

thats fucked up

i can't remember if i was always like this or if she did this

maybe its both

5 10 15 20 25 30

all i know is that im tired

i want to stop hurting

i want to stop being scared

i want to stop being angry

i want to stop being sad

i want to stop being so tired

i just want to live and love

i love people, i do

i hate feeling such strong hatred that im not so sure is even really my own

i just want to be happy

i feel sick

[creativenicocorner]

I never asked for everything, I begged a lone demand And still guilt stained that single wish for one who’d hold my hand 🎵

Hmm, do you think Reigen would survive an encounter with The Lonely? 

[deviousdiesel]

.

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

I am involved in THE stupidest situation

[hexastitchimera]

I think I understand now why I'm honest to Stars nervous every time I interact with online communities like the animation meme one, the furry one, etc.

It's for the exact reason why I'm terrified of talking to former classmates who entered nursing school.

A huge majority of the vocal minority never left behind their grade school bully mentality. I'm not kidding, throwing insults, or even calling anyone childish. This is as big of a problem as it is in nursing, and it takes lives in the exact same way. I'll explain.

Having had family who were in the medical field, I have heard utter horror stories about one side of nursing. Not even in a medical malpractice sense. But how some of them can have the sweetest, "empath" mask on when they are around you, but will smear your name behind your back at the very least, try to get you disciplined/fired (especially if you're a "rival" nurse/student) at unfortunately common worst.

Now, because I am a firm believer in nuance, I have to state that for as many malpracticing nurses there are, there are just as many nurses who put their patients before their ego always. I myself have had several nurse family members who didn't have even the slightest infraction to their records, and retired late despite how their patients AND fellow MPs yearned for them to stay.

But, it has to be said: It only takes one to kill. One word, one intentional slip-up, one accidental pill too many. The side of the accuser only need speak, while the side of the victim has to frantically fight for their right to the role- to the life- they worked so hard for.

Why? Well, because it's easier to destroy the perceived enemy than it is to build your own self up. Destroying the competition has been a tale as old as time, and it can ALWAYS be for the pettiest of reasons.

If you want more of your supervisor's attention for better odds at better pay, intimidate and belittle nurses of your standing or lower so they're demotivated, demoralized, and struggling in comparison.

Hell, if you just don't like another nurse, watch their every move, and rat on the few, harmless, honest mistakes they made!

Who cares how many patients die, either because of a growing lack of nurses, or because of straight up nurse-on-nurse sabotage!

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Do you see how people can put the grandstanding of their own ego above entire LIVES?

The near-homeless artist whose callout you are mindlessly reblogging, what of their life?

The kinky trans woman?

The genderqueer person with neopronouns and "conflicting" labels?

The literal teenager who doesn't- and CANNOT- know better because of their horrifically bigoted family? Not without external guidance, of which they can only have through the online, and are immediately shunned from?

You all want an easy answer.

There are none here.

There never will be.

The only answer is to practice media literacy, to wait until both sides have come out with their sides of the story, and to understand a very rarely spoken of Golden Rule:

If it isn't hurting anyone nor contributing to harm period, mind your own business.

Otherwise, if still hard pressed:

What do YOU get out of ending the life of someone as they know it?

If it's the same sense of satisfaction a cop would get, I don't know what to tell you.

All I know is that you cannot, AND SHOULD NOT, be doing their "job" for them.

And if you do, wipe that ACAB off of your bio.

We do not use the weapons of the oppressor on our own. ESPECIALLY on our youth.

[freepassbound]

what’s your feel-good movie?

what flower would you like to be given?

what calms you down?

what’s your ideal date?

morning, afternoon or night?

♥

1: What's your feel-good movie?

Boy... I don't know how to choose. I (finally) went and looked at my movie library, and, like... I probably watch 'Groundhog Day' more than any other (though that's partially, possibly mostly, because I try to actually watch it every year on Groundhog Day); but I also have a very big soft spot for 'Charade'... and there are a bunch of other movies in there that I might turn to as well: 'WALL-E', 'Wreck-It Ralph', 'Shrek', 'Singin in the Rain'... (I'm not looking at it as I write, but there are more)

It's almost dependent on micro-moods and what I just happen to be wanting to see at that moment. I have a whole passel of them!

2: What flower would you like to be given?

I've actually received more flowers in the past month than I have in my entire life prior (it seems to have been a thing to give teachers flowers this year?), so I have new perspectives on this question.

I think my key takeaway is that variety is better. I got roses, which are... nice - they look good; they die fast. I got mums (or what I think are mums), which are multicolored, and have lasted much longer than the roses. The most recent, however, is a variety (duration TBD), which makes for both different colors but also different shapes, which I find more visually appealing.

3: What calms you down?

Space, quiet, and time. When I get worked up over something, I need time to process. Usually that looks like sitting or standing outside, just... staring... at nothing in particular, while my brain runs over and through and around and into and under and back through whatever it is that's enervated me.

4: What's your ideal date?

I think as long as it's got some kind of walk through nature, that's pretty ideal. Could be a county park, could be a beach, could be a national park forest, could be a city street with some greenery, or anything in between - as long that gets worked in there, I think that works.

5: Morning, afternoon or night?

I am definitely a night person. Left to my own devices and without any serious responsibilities, I can easily adopt a noon-4am schedule. 😅

[noridoorman]

When you're trying to fall asleep but then you remember a time of your childhood which was so incredibly traumatizing yet you always thought it was normal

[althaeaofficinalis]

just got blocked by a european person bc they reblogged a post with bad opinions about voting in the us and then I said I live in a voter suppression state and I'm a queer mexican woman... the moral of the story is that you can't trust white people 💕