#they could never make me hate you clem

[elisartstuff]

Uhh eyestrain and mysophobia warning under the cut

"Welcome to the mind fuck!" /lyr

This was fun!!! I should do with with some other gooberts,,, maybe tree,,, idk,,, :3

Btw heres the regular version for comparison

I love her sm I'm so normal about her istg /lying

[theemissuniverse]

“I WALK THE LINE” JAVIER GARCIA X TOUGH FEM!READER

SUMMARY : You are the leader of The New Frontier and you’ve won the heart of both brothers but you’re only interested in the baseball player.

ADDITIONAL : So that there is no confusion, this takes place after the events of killing Joan only that then you became leader. Also Clem never got kicked out and lives with you and AJ. Mariana never died. And there’s just things that are tweaked in the story but will make sense as you read.

WARNINGS : Cursing, suggestive content, talks about religion, and maybe more

There was something about you that made you so intriguing yet utterly horrifying to Javi. Maybe it was because you acted somewhat like his brother and were in a solider mindset. Or maybe it was the way you spoke about death like you weren’t afraid of it. Maybe it was because you were so beautiful yet so deadly. Or maybe it was just you period.

Javi had met you when he came into the New Frontier seeing as you were the leader and David was your second in command. His first impression? You were hard to impress. You didn’t care about anything really other than the mission at hand but Javi saw more through you.

You caught on to the fact that Kate had feelings for him and would relentlessly joke about it to Javi which irritated him to no end. He didn’t have feelings for her. He never did. Not for his brother’s wife.

He saw how history may soon repeat because even though you were not with David romantically, it was clear he wanted to be with you romantically. Though, he would never admit it. David took pride in his reputation and him falling for you didn’t look good considering he technically already had a wife.

Javi was after all, a man at the end of the day and could tell by just looking at the two of you. The longing looks David had for you. How he would at least try to control his temper around you. How you were the only one to keep him in check.

And Javi hated it.

He just couldn’t tell if you felt the same way back and until he did so, he would keep hitting on you. Even in front of his brother.

Javi played with the ring on his finger that belonged to his father while watching you. You were looking over some papers to see about your supply chain in the doctors office alone. Javi took it as his chance to stroll over to you.

He watched you look up from your papers and down. “What do you want twenty five?”

Twenty five was the nickname that was quickly given to him while you discovered of his baseball history. He didn’t mind it though. He thought it was cute. And he thought more that you liked him. At least a little.

“I can’t come in a check on you?” Javi asked fake offended.

“I don’t need you to do that. I already have David breathing down my neck.” Javi watched as you winced and held your stomach.

You gotten a pretty bad gash on your stomach from Badger and it wasn’t looking so good. Usually David was tough around everyone but the wound was so bad that he was starting to worry.

And if David of all people was worrying than it had to be that bad.

Javi took the papers out your hand and made you sit on top of the desk. “Hey, sit down.”

You sighed in annoyance. “Not you too.”

“Hey, if the big bad wolf is worried…then it’s gotta be bad.” Javi noticed your eye roll and chuckled.

You leaned back a little. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him. He’s been acting weird. I can’t put my finger on it.”

Of course, Javi knew exactly what was wrong. The problem was David wanted you but he didn’t want you. He wanted you in the best possible ways but he didn’t want the baggage that would come with that.

Lucky for Javi, he didn’t mind baggage. “David isn’t used to caring about something.” Javi put it into simple terms. “Just give him a second.”

“You’re too nice to him. Because the way he treats you…if I had a sister and she did me the way he did you…she wouldn’t be breathing.”

Javi laughed. “Well…Clementine’s kinda like your sister isn’t she?”

“Well yeah. But she doesn’t tell me how much of a failure I am every second.”

That was true. For Javi, it was hard dealing with David but he had gotten so used to it that it didn’t even affect him anymore. “It’s like wired in my brain. I know he loves me he just…has a funny way of showing it.”

“Yeah. You’re telling me.”

Javi noticed that you clutched your stomach in pain again. “Let me see.”

You gave him a look. “Is this your excuse of trying to see me shirtless.”

“I would’ve came up with something better if that’s the case.”

The statement made you laugh a little and you lifted your shirt for Javi to see the scar.

It was bad. A stab to the right and it would’ve been over for you. The stitches were nicely done. “Who did these?”

“Clementine…still don’t know how she knows how to do that.”

Javi nodded in agreement. “That’s one tough kid.” His hand gently went to caress the scar. He was so glad that badger was dead.

You watched as Javi’s expression went from worry to anger. A similar expression you had seen on David. You took Javi’s hand and held it. “I’m fine. Relax. It could’ve been worse.”

“Yeah. That’s the problem. It could’ve went worse.”

“Luckily you shot him in the head huh?”

“I wish I could do it twice.”

It was moments like these you saw the similarities to Javi and David and you couldn’t help but laugh because it was something you expected from David but not Javi.

You got off from the desk and Javi helped you off. You were about to fall but Javi quickly caught you and held you close. “Careful.” He told you. “That supply chain isn’t going anywhere.”

“You know if I don’t do it, David is definitely not doing it.”

Javi chuckled and helped you stand to your feet. “That’s one thing about him. All about the action. Hates the paperwork.”

“You know what else David is gonna hate?”

Javi looked at you curiously. “What?”

You covered your mouth as sort of a playful whisper. “You banging his wife.”

Again with the joke, Javi watched you laugh as he groaned out of annoyance. You walked out the room and Javi followed in pursuit. “How many times do I have to tell you, nothing is going on between me and her.”

“Well obviously she wants you.”

“I don’t want her.”

You playfully gasped in shock to him and stopped walking making him stop. “You don’t want thee Kate Garcia?” Javi rolled his eyes. “What will the world do if they didn’t have twenty five in their life?”

You went back to walking and Javi followed in pursuit. “Hey, I had a lot of women wanting twenty five in their life thank you very much.”

“Oh yeah? Were they all offered to hitch a ride to the psych ward afterwards?”

“Oh very funny.”

“I know. I’m a true comedian really.”

Javi had never seen you this way around anyone really. You were always so cold. So negative but with him you weren’t like that.

That made him believe you two had something.

Javi walked right in front of you to stop you in your tracks. “Busy tonight?”

“Actually, I was totally looking forward to my nail and hair appointment.” You said sarcastically. “Ooh! Or maybe go sight seeing with walkers!”

“Taking that as a no…” He trailed off before speaking again. “I need help with the count on food for next week.”

“Oh and you’re just so helpless that you need me?”

“Exactly.”

You rolled your eyes playfully before nodding. “Sure. I guess.”

You went to take another step but the sudden pain pinched at your gut and you clutched your stomach. Javi immediately held you by the waist and brought you closer. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

Javi knew you weren’t fond of touch but you never seemed to mind when he held you.

The two of you heard footsteps coming from down the hall. Javi was about to remove his hands from your waist but you placed your hands on top of his, keeping them firm in place.

The person stopped in their tracks and you two recognized it was David.

He gave the two of you a look of disgust before looking at his brother in anger. “What the hell is going on?”

“Nothing.” You stated calmly. “Just slight pain.”

David immediately walked over to you and grabbed the papers in your hand. He looked at them before getting annoyed. “I told you I would do this.”

“You’re not going to do it the correct way.” You told him.

“Yes I will.” He looked over at Javi. “What are you doing here?”

Javi, knowing the reason why David was being like this, rolled his eyes at him. “Just helping, (Y/N). Relax.”

“Don’t tell me to relax.” When David said that, you gave him a good hard smack on his chest.

“Shut up, you idiot. You’re so annoying sometimes.”

Javi watched as David took a deep breath in and out. He noticed his brother was trying to control his temper and it was working. Once again, he controlled his anger for you.

“Look, come on. I’ll help you.” He practically pushed Javi off of you and held onto your waist as you started walking away.

“You’re being ridiculous.” You grumbled.

“I’m not being ridiculous. You are.”

Javi sighed slightly watching him walk away with you but he wasn’t worried. Not even in the slightest.

When Javi turned around, he jumped back a little. He wasn’t expecting for Clementine to be there. “Ay’ dios mio, do you always sneak up behind people?”

“I wasn’t sneaking.” Clementine defended. “I was going to talk to (Y/N) but I see your brother already hauled her off somewhere.”

“Yeah.” Javi crossed his arms. “He hasn’t let her breathe ever since…”

Clementine nodded. “I think it’s because he’s mad.”

“Mad?” Javi questioned. “Why would he be mad?”

“Mad at you.”

“Me? What did I do?…This time?”

Clementine smiled slightly before shaking her head. “You saved her. I think David wanted to be the one that was there.”

It made sense in some way but Javi still couldn’t understand. You were safe now. Why did it matter? “But she’s alive? Shouldn’t that be all that matters?”

“Not if it’s you involved.” Clementine walked over to the window and Javi followed her. There, they watched as David sat you down in a chair. “I’m not blind. I know he likes her. And I know you like her too.”

Javi wasn’t going to deny it. Especially because Clementine was already a smart kid. “You think it’s not worth it?”

“I think if you love someone, anything is worth it.” She said. “But is it worth losing your brother?”

David already lost Kate because of Javi. Was it fair he’d lose you to? Because of him?

This wasn’t fair. He didn’t ask to have feelings for you. They were just there. And he definitely didn’t ask for Kate to have feelings for him which David didn’t even know that he was the real reason they weren’t together anymore.

But you were worth everything.

When the stars shined in the sky, Javi put on his jersey and opened the door to walk out of his room. What he didn’t expect was to see Kate standing right there. “Oh…hey, Kate.”

Ever since Kate confessed her feelings for Javi and he rejected her, Javi felt it was best to keep his distance. If she was any other woman than it wouldn’t have been a problem. But she wasn’t just any woman. She was his brother’s wife.

“I was going to knock…where are you going?”

He really didn’t feel like getting into an argument with her as you and Kate did not get along but he also wasn’t one to lie. “Going to count the food supply with (Y/N).”

Kate scoffed. “She can’t do it herself?”

Javi suppressed an eye roll. He stepped out the room making her take a step back and closed the door before walking. “You know it’s my job right?”

“That doesn’t mean she needs to be with you. God it’s like ever since she got hurt you and David…”

“Hey I’ve been letting her do her own thing. David is the one that’s not letting her breathe.”

“It’s like he likes her or something…”

Javi caught the attitude in her voice. He wasn’t fond of David liking you either. Well that was because of his own feelings but why did Kate have a problem with it. “Does it matter? You broke up with him.”

He watched as Kate’s head went down in shame and she sighed. “Yeah. Look how that turned out.”

That made Javi stop in his tracks. He turned around and faced Kate, also making her stop. “Listen, I’m sorry how things turned out and I don’t mean to sound harsh but you got to let it go.”

“Let it go? You’re telling me to let my feelings go?”

“Yes. It’s wrong and I don’t want to be any part of it when David finds out the real reason you broke it off with him.”

Kate grabbed Javi’s hands and brought them to her. “So you’re saying if David wasn’t your brother you would be with me?”

Javi shook his head and took his hands back from her. “No Kate. Brother or not, I don’t feel anything for you. I care about you but I don’t love you. I’m sorry.”

Before Kate could get out a response, Javi’s radio started to sound like static. And then he heard your voice over it. “Twenty five. You ready?”

Javi grabbed his radio and pressed the button to speak. “Yeah. Where you want me to meet you at?”

“Just meet me at the warehouse. Also I like roses.”

Javi smiled knowing you were half joking. “Copy that.” He placed the radio on his belt and when he looked up, he saw Kate had an angry expression. “What?”

“You’re in love with her? Are you serious?”

“Kate…” Javi sighed out. “I’m not having this discussion with you.”

When Kate looked into his eyes all she saw was someone that didn’t care about her. “Unbelievable…” She mumbled before turning around and walking away.

“It’s like I’m in high school all over again.” Javi said to himself.

It didn’t matter if you were half joking, Javi still picked you out the prettiest rose from the garden you all were growing.

You were in the warehouse already counting the food while sitting on the ground. You had the burden of being leader ever since they took down Joan and the others which meant the responsibility of everyone fell on you.

Javi could tell you were stressed but you were good at not showing it. That’s what he loved about you. About how big your heart was despite you trying to act otherwise.

He walked over towards you and held out the rose. “This wasn’t my ideal date.”

You looked up and were surprised that he had gotten you a rose. You took it before looking up at him. “What was then?”

“You know…” Javi sat in front of you and grabbed one of the clipboards. “Dinner and a night out. Not being inside counting our dinner.”

You chuckled a little before resuming your count. “You know I don’t really miss how the world used to be.”

Javi raised a brow at this. “Why? What could be worse than people trying to eat you?”

“At least they can’t control them being monsters. But us…we can control that.”

Javi got what you were hinting towards. “Yeah, that’s true.”

You hit your pen on your clipboard, deep in thought. “Do you believe in God, Javi?”

“Yes…but I can see why someone wouldn’t.”

You nodded at his opinion. “I never did. Everyone always told me that God was always watching me…then why did he watch me as my father beat me? Or when my mother lit her cigarette on me? Or when my Uncle John forced me to drink liquor? Or when my cousin Rob killed my cat? Why did he always just watch and never do anything?”

“It doesn’t matter if I’m in my old life or this life…either way…it sucks both ways. Mind as well take the one that sucks less.”

Javi wasn’t surprised to hear what happened in your life only because it explained why you were the tough woman you are now.

He knew what you felt about sympathy and he knew you despised grievance so he took another approach. “Maybe God wanted you to suffer.”

At that, you looked at him, extremely confused but laughing. “What?”

Javi laughed with you. “Yeah, maybe he picked you because he specifically hated you and wanted you to suffer the most.”

You laughed hysterically and hit him with your clipboard. “Shut up.”

“I’m serious. He’s probably looking down right now and thinking, ‘damn I probably didn’t do enough.”

“You’re so stupid.” You said with a laugh.

Getting you to smile was one of the best things Javi could accomplish. You smiled like you were the happiest person in the world.

“I wish David could be like this. He’s too serious.”

When you said that, Javi decided to rip the bandaid off. “That’s because he’s in love with you.”

When he had said that, you looked up to him completely shocked. “What? No he isn’t…”

Javi nodded to confirm. “Yeah, he is. Come on, (Y/N). You’re the only person besides his kids that he checks up on constantly. Always worrying. The overbearing protectiveness. I mean he obviously has some feelings for you.”

You never really thought about it but now that you were, it was strange the way David would act around you. So strange it could come off as he had feelings for you.

You groaned and rubbed your temples in annoyance. “Oh no…”

Javi laughed as he had not expected that reaction. “What? You don’t like my brother?”

“Please. David is not anywhere near my type.”

“So what is your type?”

You saw how eager Javi was to know which made you thump his head with your thumb. “Not you.”

Though you were lying. Although Javi maybe wasn’t your ideal type, you sure wouldn’t complain if you had rode into the sunset with him. He was smart, handsome, emotionally intelligent while also having a sense of humor.

Javi looked back to his clipboard. “How do you want me to do the rations this week.”

“I say we stop doing those. They already get 3 meals a day without labor. A lot of them aren’t seeing the use of even working. If they want any extra food, they have to work harder. We’re giving out food and wasting it when we really don’t have to.”

Javi nodded. “That makes sense…how do you think David will feel about it though?”

“Not great when he finds out the rules also apply to his kids.” You say. “Look I love Mariana and Gabe but they’re old enough not to get any special treatment. The only one that is getting any special treatment is AJ and that’s only because he’s still a toddler.”

“Hey, I got your back if he says anything.”

“He shouldn’t. It was his stupid idea for me to be leader anyway.”

Javi hated when you spoke badly about yourself. After all the hard things you had to do, you didn’t deserve that. He gently grabbed your hand which made you look at him. “It wasn’t stupid. You’re a great leader. You’re the only one willing to make the hard calls.”

You sighed a little. “That’s what I hate about this. Help me up.”

Javi stood up on his feet first. Then he helped you slowly get up. You were groaning in pain. “I can get a wheelchair from the hospital you know?”

You hit his shoulder lightly. “Stop talking stupid.”

You tried to walk but the minute you did, your legs gave out from the pain. Luckily Javi was fast and caught you before you fell. “You are so stubborn.” He said to you.

He handed you his clipboard. You looked at him confused but took it. He then picked you up bridal style.

“Javi!” You gasped out in shock.

“Which way?” Javi asked, ignoring your shout.

You shook your head before pointing. “To the left…by the way you’re aren’t cool for doing this.”

“I think I’m very cool.”

The next day, Javi made sure to prepare himself. He was going to confess his feelings for you. He honestly didn’t think it would go bad. Whether you accepted him or rejected him, he wasn’t like Kate or David. If all he could do was be your friend then he would be just that.

It was early in the morning. Breakfast time which meant the community was in the dining hall eating.

He knew that usually at this time you were in your office by yourself so he made his way towards the room.

The door was wide open and there he saw David. It appeared to be that the two of you were arguing.

“My kids need food, (Y/N) and are used to eating the rations. Making the rule apply to them won’t help anything.”

“I hate to break it to you David, but they are not kids anymore. Far from it. If the people figure out you and your family get special treatment then I’m the one that gets all the angry people in this group at me. Not you, me.”

“This is stupid!”

Javi decided to make himself known. He walked into the office while looking at his brother. “David, Mariana and Gabe are both capable of going without the rations. They gotta work for it like everyone else.“

David turned to his brother in pure anger. He shoved Javi in the chest. “Stay out of it.”

You pushed yourself in between the two and faced David. “You just don’t want him in it because he’s the only one on my side.”

“I don’t want him involved because last time I checked, I was your second in command - not him. What the hell do you care for anyway? He’s pretty much useless.”

Javi wasn’t fazed at all by David’s comment as he was used to his behavior. You didn’t like it. Not at all. Javi saw your expression turn sad. You took a couple steps back from David. “Then maybe you shouldn’t be second in command anymore should you?”

David’s eyes widened at this. “Wait no. Come on, (Y/N). You don’t mean that.”

“Everywhere I go, you’re breathing over my shoulder and you’re suffocating me. And then the way you treat your brother just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.”

“I don’t treat him like anything! I-“

David went to grab your hands but you quickly pushed them away and continued your rant. “And then you’re always mad all the time. Mad at me.”

“I’m mad at you because I love you.”

Silence. Neither Javi nor you were expecting that. You didn’t even think David himself was expecting himself to say that. Javi was just thinking if he should just walk out the the room slowly and leave the two of your alone at this point.

“I don’t love you.”

Javi saw the expression on David’s face. It was hurt. A hurt he had never seen on his face. The type of hurt that was heart breaking. If David was capable of tears, Javi bet that David would be crying by now.

David held his head down as he walked out the office. You waited until he was completely gone before shutting the office door.

“That was…rough…” Javi said breaking the silence.

You sighed, rubbing your head. You felt a headache come in quick. “I can’t keep doing this with him. Walking on eggshells at every turn. I mean I know I’m not the best with emotions but at least I don’t spaze out on people every five minutes. It’s just…too much.”

It was pretty hard having a brother like David but Javi always made sure to not give into the hate and always have hope for him. “His brain isn’t wired how ours is. It’s like…you’re driving at 30 miles per hour. All the time. You’re safe and cautious of your surroundings. With him? He’s driving at 90. Full foot on the gas and not even bothering to hit the break…until he’s about to crash…and then it’s too late.”

You looked at Javi curiously. “Why do you do that? Your brother treats you like shit every single day and you defend him without blinking an eye.”

Javi walked over towards you before leaning on your desk right next to you. “Because…it’s just not worth it. Him being mad at me…me being mad at him…it’s a never ending cycle and I don’t want to partake in any of that.”

You nodded at him before sitting on top of your desk. “I don’t ever miss the old world exactly. I just missed what we could do in it….like eat a pizza, or go laser tagging, or watch tv…or get married…”

When you mentioned the last part, Javi turned to look at you interested. “Married? You wanted that?”

“I know it sounds corny but…I wanted a marriage and a kid…I wanted to have a family because well…I didn’t quite get that during my childhood.”

It made Javi a little upset that all the things you wished for, you couldn’t have because of the apocalypse. But then again, he was sort of glad this all happened because he probably wouldn’t have met you.

Javi looked at the ring on his finger before taking it off. He stood directly in front of you, grabbing your left hand. “I always thought that the marriage thing was for my brother.” You watched as he carefully slid the ring on your ring finger. “But I guess when you really love someone, the idea to you isn’t so crazy.”

You caught on to his confession and you were surprised. Javi chuckled at your surprise but didn’t take it as rejection. “Oh come on, mi amor. You had to of known I at least liked you a little.”

He didn’t wait for your response. He leaned down and kissed you. When Javi kissed you, you felt safe. Like it was home.

You brought your hand to cup the back of his neck. He kissed you lovingly. Like he had loved you for a century.

His lips were like cotton candy. Soft and delicious. His hands were rough but felt so good going along your thigh.

Javi moaned in your mouth when you gripped his hair. He felt your other hand reach the belt of his pants and when he felt that you were about to undo it, he stopped.

He placed his hand over yours while resting his forehead on yours. “You still haven’t healed yet.” He said, reminding you of your wound on your stomach.

You giggled. “What? Are you trying to say that thing can hurt me?”

“Maybe…” Javi gave you a sweet kiss on the lips before sighing. “David is going to be so pissed at me.”

You made Javi look you in the eye. “Stop worrying about what he wants. Worry about what you want.”

Javi always put everything he’d ever wanted to the side because of his brother’s jealousy and insecurities. He was done doing that. He didn’t want to keep living the life of pleasing him.

He just wanted you.

“How do we tell him?”

You shrugged. “It’s not ours to tell. You don’t owe him anything, Javi.”

Javi felt you press your lips onto his and suddenly he was back to his safe home.

The only thing was that the blinds to the window was opened and someone saw the two of you.

It took a lot for David to be heartbroken. He was a strong man. Not just physically but emotionally. He barely felt sadness. Just anger but he was tired of feeling it.

He should’ve known you didn’t feel the same way. Why would you? He was the guy always mad at the world. Who would want to be with someone like that? It was the reason Kate left.

First his first wife, then Kate, and now you.

He couldn’t catch a break.

David couldn’t sleep as the guilt was surfacing. Everyone he did or has ever done just wasn’t washing away. Not this time.

He was sitting at the kitchen table, just staring off with his thoughts.

That was until there was a knock on the door.

David peaked up from his seat. It had to of been ten at night. Who would come to him at the ungodly hour? Maybe you?

He stood before walking over to the door. He opened it and there he saw Kate. Someone he hadn’t expected.

“Kate…are you okay? Why are you here so late?”

Kate looked the same. Heartbroken as well but he couldn’t really put a finger on why she was. She didn’t give him another word before pushing herself inside his house.

“Okay…” David closed the door to his house and looked back at Kate who had her back turned to him. “You wanna tell me what’s going on?”

He heard her breathe in and out like she was trying not to cry. “I need to tell you the truth. The reason why I actually broke things off.”

“The truth?” David was confused. Was what she told him before not the truth? “Why are you just now telling me?”

“Because you need to know. You deserve it.”

There was something about her voice that made it seem like she was more so doing it for her and not him but regardless it was late at night and he couldn’t care less. “Kate it’s done and over with. Whatever it was…I don’t even care anymore.”

“It’s Javi.”

It was like she knew that would spark his attention. His eyes widened and he took steps towards her. “What do you mean by that?”

Kate sighed and turned to face him. “When me and him were on the road with the kids for so long…I really saw a different side to him. Not the same one obsessed with gambling and laying on your couch hoping for the next bag of money to roll in. I saw someone who was brave, and protective, and over all one of the best people I’ve ever met. I fell in love with him.”

David bit his lip. The same way he tried to control his temper with you, he was trying to control it now. “What? My brother? Are you serious Kate?!”

“I know…I know…it doesn’t matter because he doesn’t feel the same way. It’s just…I thought you should know.”

David cared but only a little. He wasn’t in love with Kate anymore. There wasn’t really anything for him to be mad at. “I can’t believe this..”

Kate looked into his eyes before stepping forward. “There’s something else…I know you care about, (Y/N).” Before David could get in a word, Kate held her hand up. “Let me finish. I know you do…but there’s something you should know so you don’t get caught off guard…I saw her and Javi kissing. I think they’re together now.”

David stood there, completely in shock. He would have never imagined it’d be you. That you’d fall for a guy like Javi. A guy that was his brother.

He couldn’t imagine Javi even having any feelings for you. He was just in shock.

Kate knew him too well and knew what was coming next. “I just thought you should know…” She opened the door to the house before leaving, closing it behind her.

It was at that point David grabbed a vase and smashed it into the wall.

There was no controlling his temper anymore. Not even you.

A/N : part 2???

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 21st April ✨

Here are the shows which got me through a particularly heavy set of night shifts! 😌

👻 @tellnotalespod (S2E78) The music in this episode was so sad 😭. Of COURSE Frank hadn’t considered the emotional nature of the tether in his research. Jesus 🙄. Leo needs to start running this show ASAP.

🌲 @hellofromthehallowoods (148) I’m absolutely obsessed with Buck’s glow up. Honestly, goals. What an interesting cast of characters we have aboard this ship, I can’t wait to spend more time with them. Dashiell reporting to have never met Valerie snuffs out one of my early theories … unless he’s lying! I’m so scared for Shelby and Clem! The action writing has always been amazing in this show but the TENSION this season. I can’t cope. Also, that body at the end! A reference to the circle of fifths?? I’m gonna get emotionally wrecked by the murderer reveal, I can already tell.

🧳 Travelling Light @monstrousproductions (18) oh these Augurians are so lovely and mystical but I was hit by a wave of sadness thinking about one old soul whose aviary is down to one single bird companion and then getting the prophecy of when it will die 🥺 But my sad thoughts were soon drowned out by the 🚨HOLDING HANDS ALARM🚨. Good grief, they’re bloody adorable.

🎙️WTNV (246) I’m so glad we actually got to hear this story!! I couldn’t agree more, Abby, it is not incomprehensible that two living people could haunt each other. I’m reminded of a fave Everything Everything lyric ‘if he’s dead, he’s not a deadbeat dad’…. you feel me?

🏛 @the-mistholme-museum (ERASED) oh, boy, I sure hope this episode title is just a fun word which begins with E and not a reference to what’s happened with HoResearch! Anyone down to make a petition for one more season where the guide just talks to itself? It’s so cute!!

🖥️ The Magnus Protocol (12) oh god, I bloody hate mascots/clowns and this is not helping at all….

🍎 @notquitedeadpod (XXXVI) I don’t like listening to Alfie cry 😭 forgive me, but I’m mentally not ready to give up on the idea of Cas coming back. I believe that Haley believes in what she’s telling Alfie but I’m also like… babes, you maybe want to ask your consultant about that? I need to relisten with a notepad or something to get this new biology lore down because it’s so interesting!!

I’m thinking about starting Hi Nay or Small Victories this week, I’ve heard such good things about both of them! If you have a particular fave or if there’s a show you think I’d prefer more - let me know!!

[arandomatlafan]

This might sound crazy but Gabe’s death is the only one I actually cried over out of all 4 seasons. Like there were deaths that brought me close to tears (Lee for example) but I didn’t actually cry over any of them.

Now I know this is a rather unpopular feeling among the fandom but I LOVED Gabe. I didn’t just tolerate him, he was my favourite and I did everything possible to be nice to him and build a good relationship between him and Javi. This isn’t to say that I think he was perfect, but I do believe it’s very unrealistic to expect a 14 year old in an apocalypse to never do stupid shit or complain. Not everyone can be Clem and people forget that she is also a flawed character.

Also, in my opinion, he’s really not that annoying. Idk maybe that’s because I was really nice to him, but when I played he did a few shitty things and was mildly annoying at times. But alongside this, there were also some really sweet moments with him.

“I can only hope I grow up to be like you” brought me so much joy.

Another thing that makes me like him is his desperation to grow up and prove that he’s not useless and can help people. Like yeah it causes problems but once again, teenagers do stupid shit and he usually has good intentions. And the guilt and self blame when people die, he puts it on himself despite the fact that he couldn’t really have done anything. On my first playthrough Kate died and him going “Maybe you should’ve gone with her. Maybe she’d be okay.” Made me sad.

Now whether he lives or dies the way he reacts to David’s death is heartbreaking. If he lives?

“I thought I could save him.”

And

“Mariana. Kate. Dad. I wonder which one of us will be up there next.”

If he dies?

“He fought for me, Javi. Until they… but I couldn’t… there were so many. I fucked up. After everything you taught me…” and he’s in agony as he struggles to say this and it’s so so sad to see a child blame himself for his dad’s death when it was David that did some real stupid shit.

And his goodbye to Clem was also devestating.

This isn’t a fandom I’ve posted for before but I completely adore Gabe and the hate for him made made me ☹️ because I spent my playthrough viewing him as my son and jumping with joy anytime he was on screen.

[maidstew]

lily, please elaborate on your clemmie and lyssie post 😔🙏🏽

i know i did this to myself but i’m actually nervous to write this out because i don’t think anyone is going to agree with me but here i go!

before i start- i do want to clarify that i love both characters and this is in no way me hating on clemmie or implying that lysistrata is perfect! clemmie is miles ahead in terms of being caring versus her peers.

however, i do not see clemensia as a truly good, kind person. (again, this is all my personal interpretation and i could be way off!)

a few things stick out to me about clemensia that make me feel this way (pre-snake bite, obviously! def unfair to hold post snake-bite against her).

the first example is when they are discussing how to force people to watch the games.

clemensia says-

“The real problem is, it’s sickening to watch”

lysistrata says-

“Most of us don’t want to watch other people suffer.”

to me, i see this as lysistrata acknowledging and putting focus on the children suffering- where clemmie focuses mainly on how it makes her feel to watch.

clemensia also talks about her first meeting with reaper-

“Mine wouldn’t speak. Not a word”

not horrible by any means- but it still feels lacking in empathy (and not great that she referred to reaper as ‘hers’).

another example that comes to mind is when clemmie and coriolanus are discussing the games after arachne death and she says this-

“Yes, or make them Avoxes, or something,” said Clemensia. “It’s awful, but not as bad as the arena. I mean, I’d rather be alive without a tongue than dead, wouldn’t you?”

this isn’t a bad thing necessarily! but to me, i see it as misguided and failing to actually put herself in the shoes of these children and sort of failing to have genuine empathy.

another example is regarding iphigenia-

“Clemensia had once told Coriolanus it was the only revenge she could take on her father, but refused to give any more details.”

again, miles ahead of most of her peers because she refused to elaborate further but i believe that exposing that to coriolanus at all was a deeply unkind thing to do.

and then here are some examples where i see lysistrata displaying kindness (though i’m aware that it may be unfair to bring up things lysistrata did during the games bc clem didn’t get the same chance to bond with reaper!)

she makes the effort to help jessup even before he protects her in the bombing-

she’d apparently been working hard to connect with Jessup “I brought you some cream for your neck,”

she is grateful to jessup after he protects her instead of just assuming that her life is worth more. she’s also willing to speak out and tell everyone this despite knowing how people view district citizens.

“She’s going around saying that big, ugly boy from District Twelve protected her by throwing his body over her, but who knows? The Vickers family loves the spotlight.”

it’s also worth noting that coriolanus follows this up by saying he’s never seen a vickers trying to claim the spotlight.

she also says this-

“And who wouldn’t rather be the victor than the defeated?”

“I don’t know that I have much interest in being either,” said Lysistrata.”

which i think is very decent considering she lived through the war just as much as her classmates.

she displays empathy and understanding for dill & reaper when her classmates do not-

“Isn’t he the one who promised to kill all the others?” asked Pup.

“Doesn’t look so tough to me,” said Urban.”

“She’s his district partner,” said Lysistrata. “And she’s almost dead now. Tuberculosis, probably.”

she’s also quick to call out her classmates during the games-

“Like musical chairs,” said Domitia with a pleased look.

“But with people dying,” said Lysistrata.”

when jessup has rabies and is chasing lucy gray-

“If Jessup can’t win, I want Lucy Gray to. That’s what he’d want. And she can’t win if he kills her,” she said. “Which might happen anyway.”

to me, this shows that she has been able to empathize and understand who jessup is as a person.

also while other classmates display anger or frustration at losing the prize she says this-

“Coriolanus could barely hear Lysistrata whisper, “Oh, don’t let him die alone.”

because she cares about jessup. she also sends food to lucy gray directly after that.

and of course there’s this interaction which i think speaks for itself-

“I do.” She took a deep breath. “What I’d like people to know about Jessup is that he was a good person. He threw his body over mine to protect me when the bombs started going off in the arena. It wasn’t even conscious. He did it reflexively. That’s who he was at heart. A protector. I don’t think he would’ve ever won the Games, because he’d have died trying to protect Lucy Gray.”

“Oh, like a dog or something.” Lepidus nodded. “A really good one.”

“No, not like a dog. Like a human being,” said Lysistrata.”

but the fact that she firmly and openly asserted his humanity in front of the entire capitol essentially is massive to me.

and of course there’s the fact that she had been nice to sejanus-

“Snow had invited Festus and Lysistrata to join the party, as they’d liked Sejanus better than most of his classmates and could be counted on to say nice things.”

of course this is all rambling that doesn’t actually answer the question but i feel like it was important to try to explain why i saw them as slightly different.

essentially i think my thoughts on kind vs nice can be summed up by this quote-

Niceness, then, is often expressed through words or gestures, while kindness is often expressed through acts.

and lysistrata proved repeatedly that she is willing to act by speaking up consistently despite how taboo it is in the capitol. whereas i don’t view clemensia as someone who would be as willing to directly assert a district citizens humanity so publicly (again, my own personal interpretation.).

because of this- i believe lysistrata is a lot more likely to get herself in trouble quicker by opening her mouth and sticking up for the district citizens, especially after this experience. whereas i do not think clemensia would be as likely to risk her safety to do so.

[formula1neverleft]

Felipe Drugovich - Is There Somewhere

Pairing: Felipe Drugovich x female!reader (+ Clément Novalak x bff!reader) 

Warnings: none really, fluff, swearing 

Words: 3.6k 

Song rec: loosely based on Is there somewhere by Halsey

Author’s note: this took me so long bc I decided to play around with a different pov only to come to the conclusion that I hate it but at that point I’d already written most of it so decided to post it anyway 🤠 Gonna be writing more for Felipe so any other ideas are welcome!! Not proofread. Feedback very much appreciated!! Enjoy xx 

//

“Felipe” 

 It rolled off your tongue like you were made to say his name. Even with just that one word, Felipe knew what you wanted to say, your gaze switching between his eyes and his lips a few times. You were so close to him that Felipe was sure he’d remember every single freckle that adorned your beautiful face. 

He let his hand wander up slowly, caressing your cheek before both of you started leaning in… 

 THUD 

 A loud knock pulled Felipe right out of the dream he was having, making him shoot up in a panic. He ran his hands over his face and sighed as he tried to shake the image of you from his mind. 

Seven nights. 

This was the seventh consecutive night where you’d ended up in his dreams one way or the other. No matter how hard he tried, Felipe just couldn’t shake you. 

Whoever was at his hotel room door at this hour was growing impatient, the knocks increasing in frequency and intensity before he even had the chance to get out of bed. 

Felipe had a feeling he knew exactly who would be on the other side of the door. 

 “Felipe, mate! Pretty please open the door for your teammate?” 

 The stark contrast between hearing his name from Clem’s mouth after hearing it whispered softly by you in his dream made Felipe pauze, letting his forehead drop against the door as he took a deep breath. 

 When he finally opened the door, Clement all but fell into the room, stumbling slightly before regaining his balance. 

 “Jeez, what took you so long??” he sighed dramatically, slurring his words. 

 “Mate, you're drunk, go to your own room” Felipe answered, but he could tell from the determined look on Clem’s face that getting him out of here would be near impossible. 

 “Actually, I’m not going anywhere until we…have a little talk” Clem said as he nonchalantly plopped down on the edge of the hotel bed, patting the space next to him. The mischievous look in his eyes made Felipe’s skin crawl. 

He loved Clem like a brother, but nothing good had ever come from that look. 

 “You do know that we can talk during the day, like normal people do, right?” 

 “Oh but what would be the fun in that?” Clem replied mockingly. 

 Felipe considered his options for a few seconds, but quickly came to the conclusion that once Clem got something in that head of his, he wasn’t going to stop until got what he wanted. So he reluctantly shuffled over to the bed and sat down next to him. 

 “Marcus and I have decided that we need to stage an intervention” Clem crossed his arms in determination as the words left his mouth, “We can’t let this go on any longer” 

 “Mate, what are you talking about?” 

 “You’ve been skipping every night out with us for months now…and don’t give me the ol’ I need to focus on racing excuse, because you even stayed in after Barcelona. I mean, what kind of psycho wins the sprint and the feature race and then spends his night alone in his bloody hotel room?!” Clem was gesticulating dramatically, partly because of the alcohol, partly because it’s Clem.  

 Felipe sighed. He knew it would be about this. The boys had expressed their grievances about Barcelona for weeks on end. In the beginning of the year it was easy to come up with excuses, because it was his third year in f2 and it was now or never for him. 

Then he started winning, and now his friends are wondering why he can’t have one night of fun in between all the work. Felipe didn’t have to wonder why, he already knew the answer. It was you. 

 From the exact moment Clem wandered into the MP garage with you by his side, Felipe was in awe of you. 

Beautiful, soft-spoken, but you could make everyone in the room laugh with just a single comment. 

At first, Felipe feared you might have been there with Clement as his girlfriend, but when Clem introduced you those worries were luckily tossed to the side. You were childhood best friends, more like a sister to Clem if anything. You’d decided to follow him around a bit during your gap year, wanting to see the world and acting as MP’s free social media person, camera always present around your neck. 

Felipe initially thought his little crush would dissipate soon, until the Jeddah race when you’d come up to him while he was preparing to get in the car. 

 “Good luck out there today” you’d said with a soft smile, “I think it’s gonna go your way today” 

 “How do you know?” he had asked timidly. You just raised your shoulders nonchalantly, “just…feels like you deserve it” shooting him one last knowing look before turning on your heels and out of the garage. 

 Despite only having met you a few days ago, he felt a strange connection between the two of you, something he’d never felt before.

He won that race, and you had subsequently taken up residence in his brain. He thought about you in the car, during the debriefs, and now in his sleep too. He couldn’t escape you, even though he’d been trying hard enough. 

Since Jeddah, Felipe had done everything in his power to keep himself in check. This was his year. His championship to lose. If he allowed himself to get distracted and fail, he would never forgive himself. 

So he kept his distance from you, not allowing himself to get further than the friendly conversations in the paddock. When he knew you would go out with the boys, he stayed in, sure that the way he felt when you were around would only be intensified in a casual setting with some alcohol involved. He was doing the right thing, keeping both of you safe. You were none the wiser and he couldn’t get hurt. 

 “Hello?? Earth to Felipe” Clem was shaking him by the shoulder lightly, the look on his face a mix of disbelief and worry, “see, this is exactly what I mean, you keep disappearing, mate, and I don’t just mean physically” 

 “Clem, it’s just the championship getting to me, it’s..a lot of pressure” Felipe ran a hand through his curls, feeling just as disheveled as he probably looked after just being woken up at four in the morning,  “I don’t want to mess it up. I can’t afford to.” 

 Clem nodded, looking defeated as he pushed himself off the bed with a sigh. He seemed to have somewhat sobered up as his own fatigue caught up with him, but Felipe could tell that this discussion was far from over. 

 Right before he got to the door, Clement stopped in his tracks, seemingly debating with himself before throwing one last comment Felipe’s way. 

 “She thinks you hate her, you know” he sounded uncharacteristically serious for once. 

 Felipe perked up at once, not needing a name to know exactly who Clem was talking about . What? 

 “I’m not an expert, but I do know you, and I’m pretty fucking sure that is not the case. So just…sort your shit out. Please.”  

 Felipe sat frozen in place on the bed as the door fell shut behind Clem. 

 You thought he hated you? 

Even just the idea of it sounded so ridiculous, especially after he’d been dreaming about you less than ten minutes ago. 

Sure, he wanted to keep you at a safe distance, far enough so that his judgment wouldn’t be clouded, but this was not how far he wanted to push it. 

No, this wasn’t right, and he needed to fix it. 

Felipe paced around the room for a moment, fighting the urge to somehow find your room and explain himself. Ultimately, he decided against an impromptu confession at this hour of the night and forced himself to get back in bed. 

He made a silent promise to himself to handle the situation differently next race weekend. Maybe he could even be friends with you. Maybe. 

 When sleep finally found him again, he dreamt of you. 

 // 

 The next race weekend came and went in the blink of an eye. For an outsider, it looked like Zandvoort was shaping up to be the best weekend of Felipe’s life. It was, to an extent. 

P1 in the feature race made it so he was almost sure of the title next week in Monza. 

Despite all this, Clem’s comment still lay heavy on Felipe’s shoulders. He was determined to make you realize he wanted to be friends, which was made exponentially more difficult by the fact that he didn’t want to be friends with you at all. Not just friends, that is. 

 As Felipe entered the MP driver room, drenched in champagne from the podium celebrations, Clem was already inside, scrolling away on his phone. He’d crashed out of the race at one of the restarts so he had already changed out of his suit.  

 “Congrats again, big man. That title is as good as yours” 

 Felipe thanked him, but despite Clem’s words he couldn’t shake the feeling that Clem had been distant ever since last sunday. There wasn’t a doubt in Felipe’s mind that Clem was sincerely happy for him, but clearly the discussion had affected him as well. 

 “So, where’s the party tonight?” Felipe asked as he unzipped his suit, tying it around his waist. If he wanted to make things right, tonight was the night to do it. 

 Clem looked like he’d just seen a ghost, but his signature smile followed suit. He all but jumped from his chair and slapped an arm around Felipe. 

 “Yes boy, that’s more like it! You’re buying the first round tonight”

 After Clem’s initial excitement had somewhat dimmed, he suddenly sported the same serious look he’d had in the hotel room. 

 “Y/N’s coming too, just so you know” he said. 

 Felipe nodded, “yeah, I figured she would”, he stared down at his feet. 

 “You know she’s like a sister to me, so just…don’t hurt her” Clem spoke, a hand landing on Felipe's shoulder and giving it a squeeze. 

 “I don’t..that’s literally the opposite of what I want to do. I don’t know why I’m making it so difficult” 

 “I think you got it bad for her, mate. I get it, that can be scary. Just try not to muck it all up, yeah?” 

 If somebody had told Felipe at the beginning of the year that Clem would be giving him girl advice, he would have laughed in their face, but here he was. The prospect of getting to see you in a few hours made Felipe’s chest tighten. You had been in the paddock less and less over the last couple of months, and now Felipe could see he was the reason behind your absence. 

He hoped that in a week's time, the title would be his, but more importantly, that he’d see your face when he looked down from the podium. 

 // 

 The club that Marcus and Clem had chosen was about on par with Felipe’s expectations. A dim blue light illuminated the space, people already standing in line at the bar, credit cards in hand, because it was clear you needed a good amount of alcohol to dance to the so-called music blaring from the speakers. 

Felipe was more nervous than he’d been before the race, more nervous than he’d been the entire season to be fair. His lack of partying experience made him feel out of place and fidgety as their friend group packed into the club and around one of the small tables near the bar. 

Clem hadn’t forgotten about Felipe’s promise to buy the first round, and clearly he had taken it upon himself to spread the word. After a few whoops and hollers from the boys, Felipe conceded and shuffled through the crowd towards the bar. 

He was just about to turn around and call one of the boys over to help him carry the drinks when he caught sight of you.  

You were standing at the bar, sharing a friendly conversation with a girl he recognized as Liam’s girlfriend while the bartender handed you your drinks. 

Felipe stood frozen, all plans of how he would approach you straight out the window as he took you in. You never failed to take his breath away. The excessive noise of the music and the people around him seemed to blur into the distance as he focused solely on you. 

While sipping your drink, you suddenly broke out into laughter at something the girl with you had said, reaching out to touch her arm as you doubled over. 

Felipe found himself strangely jealous of her, because he would give anything to be the one that made you laugh like that. He was sure that just the feeling of your hand on his arm would single-handedly ruin his ploy to be just friends with you. With you, he would always want more. He couldn’t trust himself. 

 He was torn out of his haze as he suddenly made eye contact with the girl in front of you. Before he could register what was happening, she leaned forward to whisper something in your ear, causing you to turn and face his direction. 

Felipe immediately shifted his gaze down towards his feet, coughing awkwardly before turning his attention back to the drinks on the bar. He wanted to slap himself for chickening out at the first sight of you, but he didn’t feel ready to face you just yet. 

Unluckily for him, you didn’t have the same idea. 

 “What is your problem?” 

 Felipe almost dropped one of the glasses he was trying desperately to fit into his arms as you appeared next to him. He spun around to face you, mind racing as he tried to remember a single word of the speech he’d rehearsed in his head all night. You didn’t look angry, just confused as your eyes bore into his, refusing to back down before he gave you an explanation for his less than normal behavior. Before he had a chance to respond, Clem appeared from between the crowd. 

 “Mate, if I’d known it was gonna take you so long I would have had more shots at the pre’s-” Clem stopped his rant directed at Felipe as he took in the scene in front of him. He quickly pieced together that he’d walked in on something he’s not supposed to be a part of, the tension palpable between his two best friends. 

 “Okay, uh, don’t mind me. I’ll just uh- carry the drinks for you, let you two get back to…”, he gestured between the two of you, “whatever this is” he flashed his signature cheeky smile before shuffling away, cleary ready to tell Marcus all about exactly why the drinks were taking so long. 

 Felipe took a deep breath, closing his eyes and attempting to collect his thoughts. The last thing he wanted to do was dig himself an even deeper hole just because he was nervous to talk to you. When he opened them, you were still staring at him, your expression softer, hopeful for an explanation.

 “Do you want to go somewhere and talk?” he asked timidly. 

 You looked taken aback by his question, but answered quickly nonetheless. 

 “Yeah, I’d like that” 

 Felipe nodded, springing into action as he pushed his way through the crowd. You followed suit but struggled to keep up with him. When Felipe noticed, he extended his hand out to you. You looked at his outstretched hand for a second, but before Felipe had even registered the implications of his offer, your warm hand enveloped his as you shuffled closer to him, allowing him to guide you swiftly towards the exit of the club. 

 He had been right, earlier, when he thought that one touch of your hand would be enough for him to crumble underneath his feelings for you. The feeling of your intertwined hands made his stomach flutter, and Felipe couldn’t bring himself to let go even after he was greeted by the cool breeze as he stepped out of the club with you in tow. 

 The silence felt heavy as Felipe continued to guide you along the street, your hand in his indicating the many words left unsaid between you and him. It was only a few minutes before you reached the beach. Finally letting your hand drop from his, Felipe stood at the edge of the sand, contemplating his next move. You decided for him, leaning down to quickly rid yourself of your shoes before jumping into the sand and walking towards the water, Felipe following your example. 

 “Y/n, I..” Felipe wanted to say so much that he didn’t even know where to start. 

 “You are really confusing, you know?” you spoke up, facing him head on, hair blowing slightly in the wind, “I never know where I stand with you. Sometimes you act like I'm invisible, other times I catch you staring at me like…” you struggled to find the right words. 

 “Like what?” 

 “Like the way you’re staring right now!” you finally replied, “I don’t know what you want from me”

Felipe understood how strange his behavior must look from your point of view. He needed to come clean about everything if he wanted to keep you in his life. 

 “I’m just overwhelmed by you. When we met at the beginning of the season I thought I could just shake it off, but then in Jeddah..you were in my head after that” 

 Your expression softens as he speaks, clearly remembering the moment before the race when you’d gone to wish him luck. Perhaps you’d felt it too, the connection between you that had been occupying Felipe’s every thought since. He could only hope so. 

“but at the same time I was finally winning, feeling like I had a real shot at the title this year. It was my last chance, my third year…my parents already are giving up so much to give me this opportunity” , Felipe hated how his accent became more prominent whenever he was nervous. It’s the reason he hates doing interviews, but this might be even worse. 

 “Truth is I was scared” he admitted, “scared of getting hurt, scared that I would mess something up with you or with the racing..so I took the easy way out and just did nothing” 

 You frowned slightly as you listened to him speak, and Felipe hated that he was the reason for your worried expression. 

 “but I dream of you. All I do is dream of you” 

 He instantly felt a weight being lifted off his shoulders at his confession.  

“You deserve to know, and I’m sorry for treating you the way I did” 

 He stared at you expectantly, waiting for you to say something, but you didn’t. His words had clearly rattled you, and for once it was you who was at a loss for words, the only sound breaking the silence being the waves breaking a few meters away. 

 “Y/n..please say something” Felipe pleaded softly. 

 He’d expected you to be angry, to say you need time. Maybe, if he was really lucky,  you might agree to try and be friends again. What he didn’t expect is for you to respond by kissing him. 

 You took him by surprise by leaning in and planting a gentle kiss on his lips. You lingered there as your eyes opened, whispering softly as you realized what you’d done “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t of jus-” Felipe cut you off by rejoining your lips, all gentleness now gone as his hands cradled your face while you kissed. Your arms found their way to his waist, knuckled whitening from grabbing onto his shirt. 

He’d dreamt about this moment so many times, but even the best of dreams couldn’t compare to having you in real life. 

You were lost in eachother as the kiss deepened, tongues working together like you’d kissed each other a thousand times before. 

When your lips parted Felipe let his forehead rest against yours, not ready to give up having you so close to him just yet. He could stay in this moment forever if he could. 

 “One of us should probably say something” you whispered, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. 

 “So I take it this means you forgive me right?” he asks as he reluctantly lets you take a step back.

 “Hmm, I don’t know, I’ll think about it” you replied sarcastically. 

 “Oh, very funny” Felipe reaches out to tousle your hair in response to your teasing. 

You joked and chatted with each other as you made your way back towards the club. If Felipe had his way, he would be alone with you, talking and kissing all night to make up for lost time, but he realized it was best to take things slow. 

 Once back inside, Clem immediately spotted you together. He looked a mess, hair sticking to his forehead and shirt almost completely unbuttoned for some reason, the night's drinks having their desired effect. Felipe gave you a joking look as Clem made a beeline towards the pair of you. 

 “There you guys are; I swear I was this close to calling the fu-” he stopped his tirade as his eyes landed on your intertwined hands. A knowing smile appeared on his face as he stepped closer to pat Felipe on the back. 

 “Bloody knew you had it in you mate”, before turning away in an attempt to locate the boys. 

“Oi, Marcus, you owe me fifty bucks, mate!!” he said, pointing towards his two friends. 

Felipe rolled his eyes, giving your hand a little squeeze. 

 He was sure that when he went to sleep that night, he would dream of you again. 

Only this time, waking up would be even better. 

[suzie-shooter]

Detroit Indycar GP :  James Blair race commentary highlights

“Dare I say - strap yourselves in, 'cause this could be a long one. This could be lengthy.”

(James at this point blissfully unaware he's about to spend the next two and a half hours in exquisite agony unable to look at his phone while knowing it's blowing up) 

They reckon the track's a little bit of a pig of a thing from chatting to a couple of the guys over there. Some have said, and I won't name names, that it's the worst track they've ever been to in their life.  

Indy500 last week, I didn't unfortunately catch it. (it's ok James we know you were getting steamed on a superyacht at the time)

A lot of discussion around a couple of things. First of which was who's the hottest Indycar driver? [...] For me though I think I have to go into the Newgarden camp, as far as just raw hotness. He also has piqued an interest in the role of the financial services sector which is attractive to me. It's a trait I look for in all my lovers.

(sticking the rest under a read more because it gets LONG)

We're going to get a replay here of Pato O'Ward making a total penis of himself at turn three in Indianapolis.

Getting replays of Newgarden with lipstick on his face and pouring milk on his head - without context that could sound like a real night out.

Fuck me, what a waste of time that monologue was. Jesus Christ.

I've already labelled [Newgarden] the hottest in the paddock. [...] What a stallion. What a total stallion. Backbone even.

There's a shot of Marcus in the background there, getting his kit off.

Little bit of insurance chat for you there.

The Canadian national anthem. Well this is a strange turn of events.

There's Marcus and Lissie. Guess it's out now. Pffft.

Ohh there's so many messages coming in *wheezes* (never has a man managed to simultaneously look so pleased with himself and so absolutely horrified 😆)

Sorry. What for? Nothing.

And then it's Marcus Armstrong P11, car number 11. Fuck he loves a P11. Fuck me he loves a P11.

Few opinions flying around. [...] I'm not saying anything sir. [...] I'm just going to get the live timing open. And we're not going to talk about that.

I can't wait to speak to [Clem]. Tough day for him.

We can ride on board Kyle Kirkwood's camera, so I can keep an eye on the arse of Marcus Armstrong. Business as usual here at Screaming Meals.

"Has he started showering because of her?" I don't believe so.

I want [the winner] to be Armstrong, he's got rapid pace, I don't know how he managed to shit the bed in Q2 yesterday the way he did.

You know that meme, right? Of Carlos Sainz - being like - shall I do the accent? Yeah, fuck it I'll do the accent - "I seriously don't know how to react right now." That's how I feel.

Pull yourself together Blair. It's going to be a long couple of hours.

Sack Monaco off. The only reason I went this year is 'cause Marcus wasn't racing at the 500. But dare I say if he is racing next year you won't catch me anywhere near Sass Cafe on Sunday night. I will be up it in Indianapolis.

Hahahaha ohhhh you will not believe who's just text me....it ain't Clem.

Flava Flav was there on Friday which was pretty cool. Flava Flav...second biggest celebrity in Detroit right now.

This is record numbers for a commentary.

Where's Armstrong? Fucking around as per usual.

Next pod - hopefully in the next couple of days.  Marcus is flying back I think tomorrow. Don't know who the guest's going to be on the next pod. We haven't really got around to arranging that yet. Sort of flying by the seat of our pants so to speak.

F for Ilott [...] he'll have an excuse, sure as death and taxes, Callum Ilott will have a reason for what happened and why it wasn't his fault. From where I'm sitting that does look like a bit of a fuck up, I hate to throw him under the bus.

Callum Ilott's car looking like it was taking a fancy to the back end of Kyle Kirkwood's car, to get little a bit National Geographic on it.

Anyone got any questions? That you think I'll actually answer? "Tell us about Monaco," I'll tell you about Monaco. "Where's Clem?" Clem is in Barcelona, drinking a lot of sangria. 

"When are you and Clem announcing together?" Pretty sure me and Clem were already pretty public, so, um, I don't know how much more social media attention that particular relationship needs.

Dream podcast guest? I'd like to get on like some real psychopath and just give them a hard time.

That's going to make things a little bit more straightforward, and I needed that this evening, because something tells me that by the time I've finished this Twitch stream, things might not be so straightforward.

[Marcus is] getting absolutely fondled verbally by the commentators here and I'm loving every second of it.

I reckon next lap he's going to be all over him, like sauce.

I'm going to be bald at the end of this race. Balder than Marcus Armstrong.

Callum looks angry. Okay, he did say it's his bad, so I'm not going to get an absolute tongue lashing from Ilott which sounds filthier than I meant it to, for saying that that one might be his fault.

Nobility and humility exemplified as per usual from Callum 'Pilot' Ilott there.

There's actually a few things in the works, with a couple of different organisations and people which should mean that the days of the lengthy gaps between Screaming Meals episodes could be numbered. And that's all I'm legally allowed to say.

Marcus is back to P11 somehow.

We'd quite like to get some Formula E guys, we'd quite like to get some more industry people. Such as, you know, for example, you know, maybe Lissie Mackintosh, she was a good industry person that we had on. Marcus really liked her actually.

Power's on fire. Not literally.

Grosjean's just taken a different piece of tarmac and he's gonna go straight to the pitlane, I'm not even sure if that's for a pitstop, I think that could just be to avoid embarrassment.

There's a lot of people watching me all of a sudden and everyone keeps talking about Max Fewtrell so I can only imagine that this is his fault, but I'm streaming off my phone so I can't actually phone him to figure out whether or not this is his fault. Okay, so Max sent all of his viewers here. Thank you Max, appreciate the gesture.

So. Yeah. I found out the week leading up to Long Beach. And Clem was with me at the time, and we were in Malibu actually, and he'd been winding me up all week about like celebrities that he'd seen and I didn't see [...] and the phone rings and we get this piece of news and I just kicked off, I said right, I've had enough of both of you trying to wind me up with these stupid false celebrity stories, just - shut up, like - talk about something else -  good try but you're not getting me that easy. And then the longer the silence went on, the longer I - the worse I thought the joke was getting. And then it went on further and I realised it wasn't a joke. And - all - all is well in the world of Screaming Meals. It's all good, it's all good. But it has been a funny few months. That's all you're getting. Watch the viewer number plummet.

Gearbox issue [for Pato] by the looks of it. Oh no! Anyway.

Armstrong's done Malukas, good job [...] so Armstrong to P12. Right in between his two favourite positions. I'm staying way away from that one.

An open diff which again sounds quite dirty.

He'll be saying get the fuck out of the way inside his lid. No, he probably won't be, he's pretty chilled behind the wheel actually, Marcus. Before and after the race he's an absolute misery to be around, but during the race he's usually actually pretty calm.

The two Marcuses of Chip Ganassi Racing, or Marci as they should be known in correct Latin [...] I think that can be a thing, Marci? The two Marci? Does sound a little bit like some sort of disease though, no? You decide in the chat, is Marci is the plural of Marcus? I mean they've got to come up with some sort of solution at Chip Ganassi Racing. I guess they probably call them like normal Marcus and like Marcus Armstrong. Or maybe shower-Marcus and non-shower-Marcus. Or underwear-Marcus and non-underwear-Marcus, I mean the options are limitless.

Pato O'Ward searching around the car for somebody else to blame.

What does twitter look like? Is it a complete nightmare or is it somewhat civilised? I don't even know why I asked [...] 'twitter is mad' - oh no! [...] 'all good - for Lissie' - oh god [...] hey look I need to know how my Monday looks tomorrow people. Jeepers creepers.

Armstrong got drilled by Newgarden.

Here's O'Ward - whose fault was it this time?

Apparently tumblr's lost it [...] it's been a long time since I've had a tumblr account.

Somebody's just said I have full permission to pick their next tattoo. Um. Here's what I was thinking of getting - and I don't have any tattoos and I don't want any tattoos - but I was thinking if I did get one I'd get one like here [his forearm] to try and be a fake Love Islander. And I'd either get something that is really important to me or something that is completely stupid like for example, 'I'll have the tuna carpaccio'...would be something that's really meaningful to me.

So we're an hour and forty into this stream and I've not had the opportunity to check my phone - let's keep this in mind - once since it started. I feel like a plane that was also in the air in 9/11 and you've just got no idea the horrors that await you when you land.

Screaming Meals merch - it's imminent but it's not this week, put it that way.

It looks like Herta's going to have a tough time with that front wing going forward, it's already flapping around like nobody's business, like a big dick in a locker room.

Little bit of rubbing - bit rude [...] just a little bit of a love rub from Rossi up the inside of Rosenqvist.

If [Grosjean] does get a penalty it's another spot for Armstrong so if you ask me he's guilty as sin, but I'm not exactly sure what the crime was.

'We' being Marcus Armstrong, if you hadn't pieced that one together, because it's a collective, it's a team effort, and I like to take credit that I'm probably not entitled to.

Ilott's bull really did try to mount his cow there.

Come on Armstrong, pull your finger out of your arse.

Marcus apparently taking some credit for some things that I said. Situation normal.

[RLL] were actually looking like one of our options at one point last year. But we got Ganassi...and we're very happy, we love Ganassi here at Screaming Meals.

Graham Rahal's going to want to just go back to his hotel room, order a Pizza Hut and just about all of the hotel room porn that the TV has to offer.

Marcus has done fucking well to avoid that one, because he's swung round the corner at full tit and he's had to really stick the arse out a bit and get it round him.

Dixon says he's got speed, apparently. Sounds like a good night out.

Matt...somebody very popular called Matt has just joined the...oh Matt! G'day Matt Gallagher, how you going mate?

Come on Armstrong, just get on the button [...] and he's been caught napping a bit on the restart, you useless prick.

666 viewers...

Armstrong or Dixon - don't you make me answer that question. Nah, not answering that one. I don't know if I can. I couldn't answer it if I wanted to.

Does Kirkwood still have to pit or is he good? I don't know. James are you okay? I don't know.

And now we're having to fend off Ericsson - just put him in the wall Marcus, we can't afford to give up P7 now.

And it's going to be Armstrong with a best equal result of P8 in the NTT Data Indycar series and um - yeah. I wonder what the rest of his day's going to look like...

[spacedlexi]

I am madly in love with your artstyle and its been a big big inspiration for me as of late. Also, what are your thoughts on Jane and Bonnie? Do you like them or not

AAA thank you so much thats so flattering to hear 🥺💕!!

my feelings on jane and bonnie are nuanced just like my opinion on many of twdg characters. but i love twdg for all its messy fucked up characters :) its fun :) so while i dont hate either of them they definitely still do things that piss me off

in janes case, i think her mentorship/sisterhood with clem came more from her guilt about her sister than actually wanting to have this 11 year old around. so while she would teach clem important survival skills, she was also always quick to leave or act selfishly (clems "i thought you believed in me 🥺" always makes me sad). and this is just solidified by her actions in her S3 flashbacks. i do think she TRIES to work with the group, but she just gets in her own way and is never able to fully integrate, especially since the S2 cast is a fucked up mess in and of itself so its understandable. her actions at the end of S2 are born of pure selfishness, leaving a newborn infant in a random freezing vehicle so she could "show clem what kenny was really like" when clem is WELL AWARE of the thread this madman is hanging on to (having already faced the brunt of his frustrations MULTIPLE times at this point, and is desperate not to lose anyone else). she wanted a fight and she got one. i think maybe she told herself it was about saving clem, but honestly i dont think that was really ever her goal. again i just think a lot of her motivation comes out of the guilt of leaving her sister behind, so she saw clem as a second chance to make things right. but depending on clems actions, she can end up on her own without either of them, and jane can be the sister left behind to die. its interesting to see clem kinda pick up janes personality in the first half of S3 now that shes also at a point where she has no one and trusts no one, and is deep down lonely and longing for community. the difference is clem is not selfish (while still caring about self preservation), and actually likes being able to help people when she can. shes more so just afraid of caring for people again to protect herself from what she sees is the inevitable pain of losing them, as opposed to janes "theyre all just gonna bring you down so you should be on your own instead" outlook. but i definitely saw jane (and luke) as a bigger mentor/big sister(/brother) figure to clem than kenny was to her. jane actually taught her how to take care of herself. kenny was just someone from her past she didnt want to let go of

in bonnies case, she can be really horrible to clem if she listened to luke and stayed back instead of trying to grab him, so i'll literally try to save luke just so i dont have to hear it 😭 but also i like the convo her and clem have on the steps if you tried to save him. its an important character moment for clem, being asked what SHE wants instead of what the people around her want, and that she should start thinking about that, which is formative to the decision she makes (or fails to make) at the rest stop. the way bonnie is initially dismissive of carvers behavior i think is supposed to mirror the way clem can be dismissive of kennys behavior after leaving howes. will they come to see the man they once respected is becoming someone unstable? (i used to be in the "kenny might be going crazy but he'd never hurt clem" camp UNTIL i picked the "lee shouldnt have tried to save me 😔" option in the car and kenny threatened to smack her for it AFTER giving it a moment of hesitation so he KNEW what he was saying there. my jaw was dropped. but kenny is just another interesting flawed character in a game of interesting flawed characters (although they Heavily backtracked on the kenny/carver parallels in the S3 flashbacks. you can make the argument hes happier now but idk he cant come back from the threat for me he MEANT that)). bonnie leaving with mike is fucked but understandable, and she can show real concern after clem gets shot before getting chased off by kenny. i hope her and mike are still out there somewhere i dont hate either of them, even tho it was horrible of them to steal ALL of their supplies when they knew they were leaving TWO children behind. like cmon. but overall i liked bonnie :) shes a bit of a mess but i like her for it

in the end i am a twdg woman character forgiver :) i do love all the fucked up ladies its refreshing let them do dumb shit and make mistakes!!! i love mess :)

[yamatologistt]

im like, what, 10 years late to the whole walking dead game thing but i was way too young back then to understand the game. i hope people still enjoy it, its a really good game (and sad) but im only up to season 3 right now (i only really liked s1 and s2) but im not finished so i cant really make decisions rn

i just want to talk about ben rn and evaluate him cause im rewatching it and now that hes my favourite i notice more things about him now. (i literally look at him everytime hes in frame even if its just showing the back of his head oml)

but anyway i see a lot of ben hate and sure i get it but i dont at the same time ben is so silly how can u hate him

- to start, when we first met ben in the woods, he’d already been through some stuff, like he saw his classmate off herself and turn into a walker, his camp got raided and he was left with 1 friend and his teacher (who both still die btw) so most of what he had left before the apocalypse was gone

- when lee is rationing out the food, if he gives ben food first, kenny comes and tells lee that there’s kids that need food too, and ben literally is like ‘sorry i didnt want any trouble’ like cmon, and he’s literally a kid too he deserves the food as much as anyone else

- on the train he is interested in the controls and being up there, so we can see that he generally enjoyed it. but once lee gets the engine going, kenny comes and ben immediately has to go babysit katjaa clem and duck (he is also visibly upset) AND THEN later on lee asks how ben was doing and he says ‘im watching the girls and not working on a mega cool train’ (let him on the train immediately 😠😠)

- ok, so maybe he did sneak supplies to the bandits and i think this is just me being biased but i feel like him giving the supplies held off the bandits a little. i mean think about it, they moved on from the st john’s farm and started taking from the motel, right? im not sure how the bandits asked ben (if they made it clear then i forgot) but if he refused wouldnt the bandits come attack even earlier? i mean they needed the supplies right, and if ben didnt give them anything to begin with they would have raided the motel anyway. i mean they knew where they were even before the st john incident. idk its just a thought

- i think it was cool how ben managed to confess to lee that he was the one who slipped the bandits supplies. like you can tell ben is a good guy cause the guilt was almost literally eating him from the inside. and even though ben isnt one of the bravest people, he still confessed knowing that lee’s reaction wouldnt be pretty. (also his stance when leaning on the train railing was so silly to me)

- after they meet christa and omid, ben tells lee that his biggest fear was to be eaten by the walkers. i mean he literally said that if he got bitten he would off himself 😢😢

- also ben was always referred to as a child but he was never treated like one, everyone excpected him to be brave and strong but in reality he was just some scrawny highschool student who was scared and couldnt live up to his impossible standards. man, i really just wanna give ben a big hug

- if you tell ben to “kill anything that gets in” he responds with “you know you’re talking to me, right?” poor ben

- even though his biggest fear is getting eaten by walkers, you still have the option to leave him behind, and let him go at the bell tower. i mean how could u do this to him hes already gone through enough

- lastly, the part where ben tells off kenny is literally iconic, that scene singlehandedly made ben one of my favourite characters of all time, i was like everyone else, i didnt care about ben because i thought he was a bad guy since i never really payed attention to him. but i swear when he was telling kenny off it felt like i was being told off too. i mean his point was valid too, kenny had his family to say goodbye to, and ben (and literally everyone else) never got to see their family, (or they saw them as walkers, lee and clem,, :( )

- i know the last point was meant to be the last one but cmon its ben i could type this for ages longer but yeah. he had the literal best character development in the game. at first he was some stupid kid who was always messing up and before he died he was an amazing character who deserved literally everything. omg i cried so hard when he died cause when he fell i was like, oh i think its ok the fall wasnt too far and he said he only hurt his leg, but bro once we saw what really happened my heart sank bro it was so sad i really hoped nothing bad happened to him ☹️☹️ but i think kenny did the right thing cause like we said, his worst fear was the walkers getting to him. gosh i feel like i watched his death for the first time ages ago and i still cant stop thinking about him man

anyways, i would literally do anything to give ben a massive hug, he did his best and he was literally so funny too :((

(thanks if u read this far btw, i just wanted to rant about this man i love him so much and i will defend him with my life) 😠‼️

[imaginespazzi]

Nivi Nivi Nivi. How dare you deliver so spectacularly. Us fluff girls need this kind of reprieve from the delicious angst as my heart is weak and I will fall into a severe depression if not treated tenderly with random fluff chapters. Thank you mommy.

April 2030

AHHHH KK!

Ok this tension is making me sad

Bullying Ice makes me laugh poor gal

Going to the bar, ok I know immediately where this is headed lol

Azzi loves to say WIFE with such distain. I don't think we gave credence to how upset the whole Olivia situation made her. I think she prob felt she didn't have the right to be upset. But she fucking hates her hahah. 👰🏽‍♀️🔪⛹🏽‍♀️

"there isn't a wife" i don't know why but this phrasing is very funny

Ok can I just say I really like how you integrated them sleeping together here. I know you said writing the chapter with 2 sex scenes in shades of blue almost killed you lol, but as the leader of the horny anons, a reference to them having sex still satisfies me greatly haha

April 2033 - Officially not the book of Mormon.

ok wow I really expected this to pick up right where we left off with them going right from the bathroom to the bed. They have restraint that I certainly don't have.

"Because the last couple of weeks had been hell. The stupid rules had been hell. Going slow had been hell. "

YA WE KNOW ITS BEEN HELL FOR US TOO. -> How has Azzi been surviving this either, we know she is equally as horny as P. Must have a really good rabbit or hitachi magic wand or gotten a custom vibrator made in the shape of paiges fingers that is keeping her more level headed than paige

“are you cold?” lol Azzi this is lame you nerd

“I think- I think her bed might be a little small for you.” ok this is a funny visual but actually cute cause she has probably gotten into Stephies bed to read to her at night and picturing her all hunched and uncomfortable is adorable

“make me stop thinking.” -> CHOIR OF ANGELS SING HALLLLLLLELUJAH, HALLLLELUJAH, HALLLLLEEEELLLUJAHHHHHHH

Ok you said before you don't consider yourself a great smut writer but I have to again say you are AMONG THE BEST. You are so incredible at conveying the intimacy/rawness of sex without being over the top/porny lol. I love the details of this scene sooo much, I've read it about 4 times already

Azzi kissing paiges body and noting everything she missed 😭😭😭😭

“missed all of this. Missed everything about you. Missed you so much baby.” -> I COULD CRY. I am cry. 😭😭😭

“Please what?” Azzi asks coyly, fingers moving at a faster face as she hides a grin against Paige’s neck, “gotta tell me what you want baby.” -> AZZI YOU WILEY MINX

“How have you gotten better at that? Actually you know what never mind,” Paige shakes her head, “I don’t want to know that.” -> hahaha Paige don't worry Clem didn't teach her new French fingering techniques.

Azzi being vulnerable about her body my sweet sweet baby

“Hey,” Paige whispers, lifting the younger woman’s chin back up before pressing their foreheads together, “talk to me baby.” -> wow so this whole time they just needed to bang to turn into excellent communicators?!

THE OTHER TIME? You are telling me they had sex again between the flashback from the beginning of the chapter and now?!?!!? OHHH you little easter bunny you 🐣. I am thinking this was some kind of Olympics related drunken celebration in 2032 - which would be like 6 months before the start of the story 😮 . And that probably ended badly in the 'LAST TIME' Jana references in chapter 1. Cause something fucked up happened between April 2030 and the beginning of the story for sure. You weave a real web Nivi! 🕸️

they keep calling each other Baby and I can't take it and I hope it continues

Ok did not see Azzi having a tattoo coming. Hot. Wonder if Paige has one. A big OLIVIA on her butt cheek she tried to cover with a map of Bolivia

Azzi returns from the bathroom with a smile and a damp cloth as she hops back onto the bed, gently dabbing it between Paige’s thighs. -> ok this is really intimate and sweet, brb going to give my gf shit for never doing this for me

April 2033 part 2

Ok I am normally a Paige girl but you are really converting me to an Azzi girl with these visuals. Waking up to Azzi reading in glasses sign me up

“Yeah you did,” a soft smile takes over Paige’s features as she leans up to brush her lips against Azzi’s, “you came back.” -> D'AWWWWWW

I knew Stephie and Katie were gonna pussyblock them in the morning 🐈🙅🏽‍♀️🙅‍♀️

"you’re not my dirty little secret or anything." -> ok I know his made P happy to hear, but actions speak louder than words. Not hiding her in her house from family is not the same as being open in public. STEP IT UP FUDD.

"I’m not quite ready to tell Stephie about us" -> ok girl she is a smart kid she is going to figure it out soon with all these sleepovers and ya'll are not going to be able to keep your hands to yourself no that you are going coital -> These bitches need to have a status convo. cmoooooon be gf/gf.

April 2033 part 3

LOL at Katie smirking in the background of this scene. She seems like the kind of parent that doesn't shy away from talking about sex, and liking Usher with his shirt off.

YOU GUYS HAD A SLEEPOVER WITHOUT ME -> hahah oh Stephie girl trust you don't want to witness any part of that sleepover. In about 10 years you are going to be disgusted by the sounds you hear when their door is locked. Get the girl some sound cancelling BOSE* headphones. *this review is sponsored by Bose.

Stephie milking it. Ok Paige is hilarious but this scene actually got me thinking, there is going to be a time where Paige shifts a little to be more responsible/parental with her Stephie interactions. I am curious how that change might come. I honestly can't picture her disciplining her but its part of being a parent, so she's gotta learn how to do it and not give in all the time!

In-N-Out just makes me think of those pictures of Paige's fine ass at the espys eating a double double in that suit. rawr.

And Paige thinks that when all is said and done, when she looks back on her life, she’ll remember this moment as the one where everything started to finally come together. -> I hope so Paige, but the person writing you can be evil sometimes so who knows

Well, this was fantastic. I love you, you spoil us, praise be to Nivi. 🤱🏻💜

Mommy remains insane work but I had a little tiny hunch you would enjoy this chapter lmao <3

Poor Ice fr fr

Olivia and Azzi really and truly don't fw each other and for good reason.

I simply could not write 2 smut scenes in the same chapter again. I don't know how I did it then but I certainly could not do it now like I'm ngl writing smut makes me cring and I have to repeat "for the people, for the plot" to myself life sermon while I'm doing it

LMAO no longer the book of mormon at all

IN THE SHAPE OF PAIGE'S FINGERS LMFAO (hmmm ideas for myself)

Thank you! I will never think it of myself but I'm glad y'all had fun and your horniness has been fulfilled lol

That post-coital communication is just different what can I say

I am Spider-Writer welcome to my web that I myself am slightly wrapped up in because I keep weaving and occasionally forget where the threads are going lmao

HEY LISTEN AZZI'S TAKING BABY STEPS AT LEAST SHE'S MOVING

Katie has no shame and she will not let anyone else be ashamed either and I love her for it

I think there's still a little while before Paige is going to become more disciplinarian with her but she is eventually gonna have to learn, you're right.

Also

Yes this was my favorite part too tee hee

[sweetheartreader27]

Been a while since I got back here, I'll just randomly leave a brainrot fanfiction about my finest man in TWDG-Luke. Hope you all like it.

My Casanova <3

Now time for the fanfic:

Title: "Rubies"

Pairing: Luke x Fem Reader

Words: 1,958

-

Y/n, was a very timid and quiet, with a short raven hair, blindfolded woman was recently joined the cabin group. Somehow, she got along with the others on the group. However, the groups couldn't ignore that y/n was wearing a blindfold when she clearly said she is capable at seeing.

"Why do you wear the blindfold?" Luke asked with curiosity which y/n replied: "I-I just wanted to enhance my other senses, y'know, my smell, hearing, touch, and motion vibrations from my surroundings. I could even Identify where you are right now"

"I uh well, that's impressive, I just couldn't believe you could do it." Luke replied. Now he start to approach y/n with full of wonder thought on his mind. "I wonder what the color of your eyes is..." he said while leaning in a little at y/n. Y/n boop her nose to Luke's and said: "don't bother pretty man, I'm telling you they are ugly. I even hate it" in a tone of calm with a hint of sorrow but Luke doesn't notice her tone since he is too focused on how their lips are almost to close.

"U-Uh oh okay, okay" Luke said while blushing hard with his hands up. Y/n sense the flustered feeling of the man she secretly like but scared to fully love him due to her defectiveness, she stepped back and felt her cheeks burned. "Y-yeah-" she was cut off with a huddle Clem slamming the door open.

"What happened?!" Y/n asked.

"We got attacked" Clem replied.

"What?!" Y/n and Luke both shocked from what they heard from the girl.

Now the room was filled by Carlos and Rebecca, they talked with Clem about the situation and what's need to be done and who will be stay put in the cabin to watch Sarah.

Y/n butted in; "I could stay here, I'm not scared to go with you all but I suggest bring Clementine with you, she knows the route where Pete is and besides it will be more okay if Sarah will be here with an Adult"

"Are you sure, Y/n?" Carlos asked with concerned. "Yes, I'm definitely sure, don't worry I'll protect her, Carlos" y/n assured Carlos, now he agreed to her and got out of the cabin with the others.

"Stay safe, beauty" lightly playful said by Luke which y/n go on the flow; "you too, handsome " while matching it with a soft smile, soon after the back door closed.

Y/n proceed to go upstairs to checked on Sarah. "Hi sweetie" she try as blissful she can be to greet the girl. "Hi y/n" Sarah replied.

Y/n and Sarah started to make a conversation, soon start to take pictures until...

"Can I see what's behind your blindfold?" Sarah asked. "Uh Sarah-" y/n got cut off by Sarah's plead; "pleaseeeeeeee". With a sigh of defeat, y/n took off her blindfold and slowly opened her eyes and look at the little girl who has a awestruck shock, mouth opened. "It is weird, right?" Y/n nervously chuckled. "YOUR EYES ARE SOOOOOOOO SHINY AND BEAUTIFUL!!!" Sarah said in squeal, y/n shhh her and calm her downed. "Omg omg omg omg omg! You have the most beautiful eyes than me nor from the rest!" Sarah's compliment makes y/n softly smile, she never thought someone would like her horrid eyes. She was about to speak until she heard a squeak from the outside.

"Stay right here, Sarah" Sarah oblige and do what y/n said to her. Y/n goes down and was about to lock the door until it swings open, revealing a old man in a brown coat with fur and a sloppy moustache.

"Hello there beauty, what's your name?" The unknown man asked.

"What's YOUR name" y/n rebutted.

"Name's George" he reached his hand for a handshake but y/n refused. "Hmmm, you're timid with a eye catching ruby eyes" "what do you want?" Y/n asked while looking see through to the man's soul. The man and y/n make a small chit chat while the man just suddenly search the cabin without permission, after a couple of trouble minutes, the man finally left and say; "rubies, pretty pretty rubies" Now the man was completely gone. Y/n hurdle up to put her blindfold back.

After a couple of time, the group got back with Nick but without Pete.

"Where's Pete?" Sarah asked, "Pete- Pete's gone..." Luke replied with sadness.

After a short moment, Sarah bluntly tell that there was a man came inside and y/n talks to him.

"Did he say his name was?"Carlos asked.

"He did but I have a feeling he is lying about it"

After Carlos questioned y/n, Sarah suddenly butted in saying; "he saw a picture of me"

Carlos was shocked and start yelling at Sarah; "A picture?! Why are you taking pictures?!" Sarah was about to answer her father when suddenly y/n butted in; "it was my whole idea, I'm sorry-" "no it's my fault, it's my idea, I'm sorry..." Sarah said to her father who calmed and try to forget it. After a while of briefing, they all start packing their own respective stuffs, y/n and the group finally got out on the cabin to find another place to put as a safe zone.

While they are walking, Luke started to talk with y/n. "Are you sure about going with us? I- I can't promise it won't be rough but-" Luke was about to finish his sentence when y/n replied; "Ofc I'm with you guys, but I'm gonna stick with Clem until she find the person she is looking for, I am not gonna leave the kid alone" "that's a win win, we are lucky to have you and Clem on the group" Luke said while chuckling, she then felt Luke's presence more close to her, "y'know y/n there is something I want to tell you-" "walkers!" Carlos voice interrupt Luke's sentence, Luke sigh;"on it".

Luke and Carlos start to clear off the dead on their path, soon after they reunited with the others. "Looks like the walkers are popping out from the woods, so we better get going" Luke commanded the group until suddenly y/n goes upfront and slowly removed her blindfold, scanning the far view and both side view then said; "couple of walkers on our both sides, they are still far but they could keep up" then y/n gave a look at the group.

The group...

The group was so shocked, their mouths are open wide, couldn't believe what they were seeing right now, until Sarah spoke; "you finally show your rubies, sis!" Carlos looked at his daughter and asked; "wait, have you seen her eyes before?" Sarah giggled and nod, y/n butted in; "it's nothing special, Carlos. Besides I must be open to you all now and keep all my senses functioning especially since we are in an exploring mode right now"

The group start to get back at walking. After a while of it, it's now evening.

"Well this spot should be a good temporary sleeping zone" Luke said in a sigh of relief; "well, let's start having dinner and next is rest" Luke nodded at Carlos's statement.

"Luke can you take the watch for tonight?" Carlos asked, "oh uh-" "I can take it, Carlos" y/n joined the conversation so sudden, her looking at Carlos on his eyes with her crystalized ruby eyes. "N-No you don't have too, y/n" Luke suddenly held y/n's hand that causes her to blush and looked at directly at Luke's eyes, staring at his soul. Luke blushes more harder than to y/n, he couldn't handle the uniqueness and beauty y/n possess after all the time Luke saw her cover up, especially her eyes.

Carlos coughed to take the attention of the 2 young adults, then Luke let go of y/n's hand; "why don't you two take the watch first?" Carlos suggested. "That would be just fine by me" y/n agreed. "I-I agree too" Luke also agreed. "Okay, let's wrap the night up " Carlos said.

The group started to eat and soon after start to sleep for the next morning, leaving Luke and y/n fully awake to watch over. The night was quiet and calming, y/n loving the feeling of the night air but her mind is tingling from the fact that she is up with the man she likes that she couldn't build up a courage to confess on. On the other hand, Luke feels the same and now he will not let this opportunity to waste...

They sat at a log and then- "Um s-so, y/n where did you get your eye color?" Luke asked.

"It doesn't matter, but if you are really persistent about it. My eyes are from my father" y/n replied in a calm quiet voice. Y/n start to storytell Luke about her eyes her family history, and many more about y/n's life.

"Man, that's rough"

"hehe well yep"

They were both suddenly looked in each other's eyes, soon Luke spoke while holding her hand up and then- "there's something I really want to tell you, y/n"

Y/n nodded shyly.

Luke sighed and started to speak up; "since you got in the cabin with Clem, I couldn't believe how beautiful you really are, you are always so kind, generous, timid, badass, smart, strong, and hell you even volunteer to clean the whole cabin to make sure everyone will be safe from a slow made bacteria as a token of gratitude for us, especially Rebecca. Y/n, I like you, always been and will never change, will you be my girlfriend?"

After y/n hearing all this, she doesn't hesitate to crushed her lips to his, savoring each other delightful and passionate taste. After a long lovely kiss, they broke it to catch some air, panting and staring to each other's eyes, feeling the love bond they have made lingering on their body, resting their foreheads to each other. Y/n spoke;"I felt the same, Luke, I really do. You are a kind hearted man after I finally get to know you, you are always attentive, active, caring, loving, strong, and you are always ready to risk yourself to make sure all of them are safe" y/n caress Luke's cheek which her palm received a soft kisses and brushed, suddenly y/n remember why she can't love him; "but, I'm annihilated my feelings because, y'know, my eyes, I consider myself defective and not worthy for your love, I'm a horrid red eye gal and you are a Casanova-" before she could finish her sentence, she received a kiss to shut her up and a hug to lock her on his embrace. Luke pulls away and says;"Don't ever think of like that okay? The matter of fact, your eyes really do beautiful, matches up your energy and the vibe you give on the first glance. I would never ever stop loving you, I will cherish every single moment I have in this earth to shower you with compliments because you deserve it"

After y/n heard of it, she couldn't help but smile while tearing up. After all the time she has getting mistreated and considered her as a threat, this is the first time she felt ease and appreciated especially it came from her MAN starting from now on. Y/n hugs Luke tight and loving every seconds of it until sunrise.

Time skip......

It's already sunshine, everyone got a full sleep, well, except y/n and Luke who only got half but it's totally worth it and now all of them are back at traveling. Luke holds y/n's hands and give a soft kiss to the back of her palm, making y/n giggled softly. The group already got the hint, that, thankfully these two already hit off and got together.

[andorerso]

i was wondering if you could talk a little bit about why you don’t like marva? (loved the new chapter of don’t say you love me)

Hoo boy, where do I begin? Put under a read more for spoilers, and for the anti-Maarva rant incoming.

First and probably biggest reason is the kidnapping. Drugging and taking a child from his community and his only remaining family, a child who's terrified, who's clearly never seen technology like theirs before, who doesn't even speak their language... She's quite literally the textbook example of the white savior trope, and most baffling of all, this is portrayed as a mostly positive thing. (Well, not even mostly. Other than Cassian still looking for his sister and their relationship being strained, I struggle to see where the show called out Maarva for her actions because well. It didn't.)

Then there's the way she treats Cassian after that. She's belittling, dismissive, borderline emotionally abusive, constantly puts him down and talks down on him, always criticizes him... She treats Bee kinda shitty too, mind you (for example snapping at him to shut up rather cruelly if you ask me.) Then she abandons Cassian when he needs her the most because now she suddenly cares about fighting the empire? And once again, it's portrayed as this selfless heroic act because I guess fighting the Empire is more important than anything. Fine, if that's what you wanna go for. Except that she doesn't fight them. She doesn't do anything, and this "noble" act of sacrifice is completely meaningless. It does nothing else but hurt Cassian. She took this child from his home, never took accountability for it, never treated him right as a mother, and now when he has no one else left and he's just begging her to go with him because despite everything, he does love her and he doesn't want to be alone and he doesn't want her to be in danger... she turns him away? And for what? So she can stay on Ferrix, sick and stubborn and refusing to take her medication and just being a nuisance to everyone? So she can die alone a month later without having any closure with her son? Okay. Makes sense. Oh wait, I forgot. She makes a speech. Groundbreaking.

What's especially annoying to me is that the narrative fully takes her side and never bothers to call her out on any of this. Yes, some people just don't have good mothers, and that'd be fine as a story, even though I'd still dislike her, but what makes me hate her even more is that the story doesn't seem to consider her a bad mother. The story wants me to like her. We're told she's a beloved part of the community, that she's a selfless mother, that she's an inspiring leader. Except that's not what they show us. Fiona Shaw herself talks about what a selfless hero she is for quote-on-quote rescuing Cassian, and it feels like I'm getting whiplash because did we watch the same show? Rescuing Cassian is not how I'd put it. She full on drugged and kidnapped a child, that's not a noble or heroic act of self-sacrifice.

Maarva never shows any warmth towards Cassian. Even in episode 7 when he goes back to her and episode 11 when he tries to call her, it feels like a boy desperately trying to please and live up to his mother's standards because she never made him feel like he was good enough. And that really is just the last straw. I wouldn't forgive her for kidnapping him, but I had hoped, initially, that there'd be consequences to this, that she'd show remorse at least. But I don't think Maarva ever really thought she did anything wrong because the story doesn't think she did anything wrong. And instead of trying to make it up to him like Clem seemed to have tried, she just gives him even more emotional damage.

I just can't tolerate her. Even her love for Cassian seems selfish at best, so there's nothing redeemable about her in my eyes.

[fox-from-fairytale]

Doesn't matter if I already know how it ends, this game will never fail to make me cry.

It's so good that I'd replay it even if I've just finished it, but thankfully there are the other seasons. The thing is, the first one really is the best one. I've always found all the characters so well written and the story is so compelling, even if there are some awkward moments. Couldn't Clem kill the walker with the bat before trying to take the gun/keys? Why didn't the bandits follow Lee and Mark through the open fence? Did Ben really not see the walkers on the other side of the door? Still, those are little things compared to everything else.

The first time I was so focused on Clementine that most of the characters were just background noise to me, but this time I had the possibility to appreciate more of the game since I already knew it, and who shined the most was Lilly. I love that woman for both her good and bad traits, and I'm afraid to replay TFS now lmao 😰

It was a bit annoying how the game seems to try and antagonise her through the other characters bitching about her, but it makes sense since that's something that of course would happen to the only person with the guts to distribute food rations. But still, having Lee as the only one who can say something positive about her and what she has done when the player has absolutely no idea about how things are in the group because it's the beginning of the episode? Lmao fuck you. Also, why does she accuse Carley but if you save Doug she kills him as a mistake? Let my woman show no remorse towards both of them.

She's already hurt for losing the only family she had, so losing the other thing she was protecting so desperately because someone within the group betrayed them is the last nail in the coffin, along with being dismissed while she was trying to find out who did it. I'm not saying it was right to kill Carley/try to kill Ben (who did what he did for understandable reasons from his side), but I still see why she snapped and I can't hate her for it.

It's a pity the game gets rid of her, because seeing someone who still didn't lose her humanity (sure, she doesn’t want other mouths to feed, which should be obvious why since she is the one giving food and knowing they can barely survive with what they can find, but she shows it when she doesn't agree with Kenny if he says that Lee made a mistake putting the girl in Macon out of her misery or when she doesn't want to steal from the stranger - she doesn't want to bear the weight of more people because it would be impossible to take care of them too and she prioritise her family and then her group, but this doesn’t mean she wants to survive on other people's expenses, which, ergh... kinda changes) doing something so ruthless it's so interesting, and I would have loved to see her progression through the game. I guess we do in TFS, but at the moment I'm torn about what they did with her in that season... Also, I simply wanted more of her in the game lmao

Protecting Duck and Katjaa as much as I could + trying to save Larry was a good combo for Kenny, I genuinely think those choices gave me the best of him. I like to make fun of him for being a pain in the ass if you agree with him about everything but a single choice is what makes him despise you and even avoid to save your ass when you need, but I really liked how things evolved in the final episode.

Kenny isn't a bad person, no one at the motor inn and who can join the group later on is, and killing someone (who at the moment is defenceless) because it's what you think is the right thing to do to protect yourself takes quite a lot, and Lee not helping him surely would make him feel like being left alone in such a hard moment and would divide them. But in the last episode, after seeing the worst of him (I mean, I believe that's in s2, but that's another story) because of his loss, the fact that he comes around when Clem is taken and treats you as a pal and uses the last bullet for Ben? I loved that, I think it showed the best of him. I thought he was going to be an asshole till the end, but I'm glad I can be on Lilly's side without having to be hated by Kenny for the whole season. I still loved to kick his ass in the third episode though lmao

I've made some pretty different choices compared to the first time, putting more thoughts behind them, especially when it came down to end someone's life.

Lee is a man who killed before it was necessary to survive, but it wasn't premeditated (or so I believe at least), and still has the heart to take care of a random kid as if she was his own. In the end, I only made him kill the girl at the motor inn who was bitten, the one screaming in Macon, and the stranger. Following this, I didn't let Clementine shoot him, and I'm glad the game made me give the actual reason I thought about: killing changes you, and I don't think a parent (that's who he is in the end) would make their child go through that, especially when said parent knows what it's like, and not only after the apocalypse.

It's clear that in the world she lives in she'll end up doing it, but it wasn't necessary to her safety, and Lee is no coward, and I like to think that he would keep prioritising Clementine over himself even in such a moment. Yes, it's sad for Lee, and Clementine surely is going to regret this, but I wanted to make the choice as Lee, not as the player nor as Clem.

These aren't all my thoughts on the game but the rambling got a bit too long, so I'm going to end it with the love of my life being pissed:

[bourbonificould]

okay, i LOVED your headcanons and you told me to ask if i wanted more so here i am. any and all of your favourite headcanons 3.2.1 go!

Sure! Let's go for it

Carley hated her job, and wished everyday that her news editor would retire or just leave. But when she died, Carley couldn't help but feel strong guilt over it despite not having much to do with it.

Carver definitely had a girlfriend/wife before the apocalypse, but never had a child. His fixation on Rebecca is due to him really wanting a child, and he would do it no matter what.

Doug loves cookies, and kept a pack on him quite often when he'd go on his IT Guy services.

The Ericson Kids had a car in the past, but Brody and Marlon didn't let anyone use it, eventually losing it when one of the dead kids stole it and crashed it.

Alvin killed George due to accidentally believing that he was one of the Howe's guards and panicking with his pistol. It's one of the reasons why he doesn't give Clem the gun when she asks for it, not wanting her to make a mistake like him.

Lee definitely wanted a daughter first with his wife. He seems glad to treat Clem, and it felt like he wanted to learn and grow up with her around. He was friends with the State Senator, which is how the affair ended up happening.

Clementine and Christa went days without talking to each other after Omid's death, and did the same after her baby died. Clem was fine with the silence for a little while, but at some point she began having constant nightmares and would force conversations with Christa to stop thinking about them.

Ruby and Ms. Martin would spend nights together with the elder teaching Ruby how to stitch wounds, even giving Ruby a cut on her arm to see if she could stitch herself up.

AJ's first walker kill came when Clem was sleeping in, and their little spot got infiltrated by one lone walker. He also has a scar on his left ankle from getting cut one time at the McCaroll Ranch.

Carlos isn't actually a doctor, he just has good knowledge on medicines and that area, but was never qualified or anything.

Uncle Pete actually wanted to keep Clem around and was glad to teach her some things, considering how Nick turned out.

David Garcia divorced/broke up with Gabe & Mariana's mother due to his military services. She didn't like how much he stayed away from the family, and eventually left.

Tripp is a gym bro, he has great genes and got really big, but never actually learnt to fight or anything.

[gunnrblze]

It seems I’m on a Walker brothers kick ‘cause I’m back with another Walker themed batch. 😗 Still, hope you enjoy!

Amen - Amber Run: HESH. This pathetic man drives me a little insane I stg. I always think it’s fun to play around with how he deals with grief. Take that how you will. The ending is the absolute best part and makes me think of Hesh screaming on the beach after Logan is taken.

Divine Loser - Clem Turner: This one is very much Logan to me. Ik most people headcanon him as having a pretty energetic side to him, but I’ve always clung to a more “reserved” personality personally. (Perhaps because I relate to it lol) It’s mentioned more than once that Logan is colder, more methodical. I think he’d like to connect more but finds it hard sometimes “Connect yet stay opaque, I cannot have it both ways.” Not to mention he lives in his brother’s (and father’s) shadow. He very much watches what he says and does because he has so much to live up to. What he does is never enough, they must think he’s a nuisance right? The little brother and nothing more. There’s always a part of him that nobody will ever see. I imagine it’s suffocating sometimes.

Mt. Washington - Local Natives: No idea why, but this is kind of just a Walker brothers song to me. Nothing more to it lol. Feel free to drop your own opinion on it. 😭

The Weight of Us - Sanders Bohlke: Back to Hesh! Makes me think of how he had to raise both him and Logan. Elias was around, sure, but how present can a military parent really be? The military doesn’t care you want to spend time with your family, they want the job done. Anyway—yeah, I think Hesh very much had to be the adult long before he should’ve. It’s scary to have another life to take care of on top of your own, especially one you hold so dear. I think a lot of the lyrics sound like reassurances, both to himself and Logan. Also, the brothers were always destined to be launched into the military after their father’s footsteps. That’s a lot to live up to on day one as the eldest son.

Hateful - Cane Hill: Fed Logan, my best rageful boy. It think this song captures his fury and slight unhingedness after the pit. Rorke was twisted to believe his best friend abandoned him. Logan was twisted to believe his entire family and squad abandoned him. Talk about a kick to the balls lmfao.

Okay this is getting way too long and I feel bad, so I’m cutting it off here!!! Sorry for the literal paragraphs help. Nevertheless, thank you for taking the time to read :)

- cold blooded

Cold blooded, my beloved! Thank you so much for the recs, never apologize for sending too much lol cause I eat these up ≧◡≦

Amen- saw Amber Run and my eye twitched lol, their emotional ass music is 10/10, this is a good one. Very poor pathetic Hesh vibes *tears up*

Divine loser- YOUNGEST CHILD LOGAN my beloved omg. I really like this song after listening & ur words read ME. “What he does is never enough, they must think he’s a nuisance right? The little brother and nothing more. There’s always a part of him that nobody will ever see.” Bye I feel personally attacked lmfao, I love ur interpretation of him being more reserved/colder (I tend to agree w/ that tbh), this fits so well

Mt. Washington- another 10/10, I hear the Walker brother vision actually. “Digging like you can bury something that cannot die. We could wash the dirt off our hands now” there’s something there with this line 😭

The Weight Of Us- parentified Hesh will always kill me omg. “Im not ready, for the weight of us/for the weight of all of us” weeping actually, this whole song is perfect for him. “Secrets are mine to keep, protected by silent sleep/ The time has come, let us be brave”. Very very fitting for the occasion I’m afraid

Hateful- first of all, the vibe switch up had me giggling out loud immediately💀 fed Logan is something that can be so personal! “Every thought I’ve ever had, killing me, killing me. Everyone I’ve ever known, following, following” etc etc yeah this is perfect, esp with the brainwashing he’d have been put through. also the guitar solo in this song? I came

Obsessed 10/10 all of it 🤌🏼

[jonghyuns-husband]

(CW // Dec 18th, suicide, victims of harassment, violence, mental health talk)

Since I want to spread this hashtag more, I would like to talk about the Shawols that I lost over the years and bring their voices up.

Clem was a friend I met on Wattpad back in 2015 when I was 11 and she was 14. She was one of the closest and the first online friend I’ve ever had. She loved to make SHINee stories for fun and she also helped me to write better. She was an amazing writer who took great passion for her work as well as her being a big advocate for the LGBTQ+ community according to her sister who came out as lesbian a year before we met.

Unfortunately, Clem was bullied at her college and her workplace, including on her online accounts. This would occur about 1-2 month after the death has been announced. On the 15th of December 2018, 3 days after Jonghyun’s first anniversary, she couldn’t take it anymore and took her own life. She was 17.

Sam was a girl in the secondary school who was 2 years older than me. I remembered talking to her once and that was it. She also really loved Jonghyun and Onew and was a BIG fan of the group.

One day, she stopped coming to class. There was a rumour going around saying that Sam took her own life after being hate bombed for posting about Jonghyun positively to cope with the pain. The last time she was in class, a guy mentioned his passing without warning which triggered the girl to stand up and leave. Ever since then, she was never seen again. The guy thought that it was his fault, but it turned out that she was going through a lot recently and couldn’t take it anymore. If it was true, then she died on the 9th of January 2018 aged 16 years old.

Ayami was a close friend of mine since Year 1. Interesting fact, she was actually born in Japan and then came to the UK when she was only 4. That summer, she enrolled in my school where we met on the first day. She didn’t speak much English, but luckily I knew a bit of Japanese so we were able to have a connection together. She was a sweet girl that would look out of anyone who looked like that needed help. She even loved to cook and wanted to start her own sweet shop one day where she would make sweet treats such as cakes, cupcakes, brownies, cookies, etc. Fun fact, my blog @yutassweetshop is actually based on her childhood dream and yes NCT bias was also Yuta! It’s a sweet (no pun intended) tribute to the one I called noona, and yes I’ll never stop calling her that until the day I die. Never mind, she’ll still be my noona anyways.

Although yes she had been harassed around his passing when we went to school together, there were other stuff in her life that really pulled the trigger on her head. I could make a separate post talking about Ayami and what she had went through so you would know, but to keep it simple, her father did some horrible things to her as a kid that when she found out, she took her own life out of fear. She was 14.

The reason why I mentioned her was the fact that Jonghyun’s passing was one of the chain of events she had to go through in her life, and you never truly know what someone has gone through already. Even though she didn’t die over it, that still doesn’t make it ok regardless. It’s still an awful thing to do to someone who is grieving by acting like they are complete strangers and treating them like they had never once seen the man before.

Those 3 girls didn’t took their lives because they were obsessive fans, they died because they were HARASSED to suicide. I know a friend’s friend who was also a blinger that took her own life and her family thought it was because she was sad over the passing of Jonghyun. That wasn’t what happened. She was beaten up at school and was told to kill herself ever since she came back from the Christmas holidays. She ended up doing so in her room and she was so close to celebrating her 16th birthday. It was the same as Jonghyun’s. She took her own life 2 days before at age 15.

There were some people in my cousins’ lives that killed themselves too, but I don’t know them very much, but all of them will be missed. Any Shawols that I’ve missed, please leave their names below and tell me one thing you loved about them. You can even talk about their favourite song or albums.

This tormenting K-Pop fans thing needs to stop. I don’t care if you think teenage girls screaming about their BTS biases are cringe, this needs to end. It’s not funny anymore and it’s claiming lives. I could of lost my friend that I met last year just because of the dumb messages of them saying that he was disrespecting a “deadman.” It just seems so tone deaf that really, they’re actually doing the disrespecting and not him.

This is already a difficult month for all of us and I just beg, PLEASE DO NOT HARASS ANY SHAWOLS. Not just in this month where it’s his anniversary, but WHOLE FUCKING YEAR. Please treat us like human beings and stop making us change for someone who barely even knows about the guy until the news broke and now you want to be the fucking hero when you’re not.

Why don’t you do all of us a favour and just fuck off. I’m sure most of us would want that now. This is why some Shawols like me haven’t yet stopped grieving because of how badly people treated us over the years. It has been 5 years, instead of telling us to “let him rest in peace”, how about you let us “grief in peace.”

It’s like what they say, “don’t give his family condolences if you aren’t going to respect his fans.”

Never mind, I did.

Rest in peace to Clem, Sam, Ayami and everyone else who took their lives due to these kinds of people either in real life or online. Rest in peace to the main guy himself, Kim Jonghyun. Thank you so much for taking care of those lost souls for us. Trust me, this was never your fault. Don’t ever blame yourself for any of this. Disgusting pricks like them (the people who harasses Shawols) has always existed since the beginning of time.

Please don’t cry because of the Shawols that went your route but be happy since you made their dreams come true.