#they can use eachother to have a reflection of that familial relationship once again

[willow-dino]

RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT

During the last episode / all the Aaravos resurrection stuff, I was thinking how Claudia was using Aaravos as a father figure, an older magic male figure she can put her trust in (she shouldn't girl gET OUT) , someone to guide her and tell her what to do after Viren's death.

She went to Katolis to find her dad just so that she could decide what to do with her life for herself. And when she found him dead, she fell back on her and her father's original task of freeing Aaravos. In doing so, she's now using Aaravos as someone to guide her. I don't know if she's actually done an Big action that was for herself, besides saving family members from death so she isn't alone. (I don't remember a lot of past seasons so I could be wrong on that one)

Knowing now that Aaravos was once a father, and cares so so so much for Leola - who gave humans dark magic, if I'm following the dialogue correctly - they have such potential to have the worst pseudo-father-daughter-relationship of all time.

Sooooooooo I can't be the only one who noticed they both have purple undertones in their hair.

The parallels just keep adding up with the mage fam's daughters and fathers, Claudia really is just Leola's stand in for Aaravos.

[bookofmirth]

Hi!You wanted to talk about Mor more often and I so happen to be quite confused about her.

I liked her character in the first books. But in ACOSF she simply disappeared. I can't remember any significant scenes or chapters with her in it. She has a great friendship with Cassian, they used to go out till the death of night often according to the previous books. Suddenly she doesn't even have a private conversation with Cassian at all throughout a whole massive book with Cass' POV too? I'm not sure if i'm right about them not have a single conversation on their own. Nonetheless their friendship feels nonexistent in ACOSF.

Is it because SJM is anticipating Mor's own book? But that wouldn't explain why their friendship suddenly changed so much? I understand she's off to other lands to do whatever it is she is doing. I only remember Mor eating with the IC once I think. And some dance classes.

Her absence made me think it was just a convenient timing thing. No Mor/Nesta/Cassian altercation. Even during the dance classes scenes there is not really any growth between Nesta and Mor, they are simply civil. Nothing more nothing less. As a good friend/almost family of Cass I'd expect there to be more, atleast trying to get to know eachother for the sake of Cass? Does that make sense? Idk it felt strange that Mor had no growth in either relationships.

Secondly do you think she's leading Azriel on by not telling him for 500 years that's she is not interested in him? Is she so scared of his reaction? Feyre is the only one who she explained it to. I also kinda find it ridiculous that as a Spymaster he hasn't figured it out yet. She also sleeps with Helion to make it clear to Az that she's not interested in him romantically. The sadest part is that she said she doesn't quite enjoy it entirely.

I think she needs tons of healing still too. And things are going on on that other continent (Hybern? Vallahan? ) and i'm confused it feels like she is not succeeding at all with negotiations. And it's just a vague plot point imo that will lead to war, just for the sake of having some more stories to be told.

Thank you for reading my chaotic thoughts :)

Okay I am finally getting to this, thanks for being patient!!!

So for background, Mor has always been one of my favorite characters in this series, and I am not a huge fan of what has happened to her past her coming out in acowar. Her brotp with Cassian is one of my favorite things ever to headcanon. I had written fanfic with her and Az, her and Nesta, her and Elain. I think that's it.

But yeah, to have a whole book where Cassian was a major character and to hardly get any Mor content, it's weird??? I can see it being an issue if Nesta was jealous, but now that I think about it, Nesta never displayed any jealousy toward Mor in all of acosf, not where Cassian was concerned. I think that Nesta did regret not being closer to Mor when she first got to the Night Court, because she sees how everyone else treats Mor like she is kindness personified and so Nesta reflects on how she treated Mor. But people in the fandom have had the impression that Mor was in the way between Nesta and Cassian, which I never understood, and which acosf proved is incorrect, even from Nesta's POV.

The only conversation I can think of Cassian and Mor having was when he thinks about how she is as beautiful inside as out and how he thinks she doesn't know. (Sidenote, my heart, he is so precious.) But there was nothing of substance. WHYYYYY. I would rather have had zero stupid plot and 800 pages of character development than what we got.

I think that, besides the pregnancy plot, the thing that bothers me most about acosf is the fact that Mor not only disappeared from the narrative, but that her queerness is basically erased because it's not relevant to the plot. And queerness is not a plot device. It's not a "gotcha" moment to change who the fandom ships.

Nesta and Mor did get to know each other a bit, like you said with the dancing lessons, but it was super minimal. I would expect that Nesta's relationship with Mor would have grown in the same way that her relationship with Azriel did, because Azriel and Mor are arguably Cassian's closest friends. (Besides Rhys, but Nesta and Rhys had their own issues.) So why didn't it? I'm trying to be generous with sjm on this one, but I think that it again comes down to Mor not being useful because her queerness wouldn't be useful to the acosf plot. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope that I am.

The one thing about Mor in acosf was that she kept leaving and when she returned she was upset about something, which you mentioned. I assume we will find out what this is all about eventually? Because we got Mor's POV in acofas too, and even then she was off on her own and there was something watching her from the woods, and a lot of people think it was Bryaxis, but we haven't had confirmation. Plus, we have the whole deal with Keir coming to Velaris. She has stuff coming up for sure, and so maybe Mor, like Elain and Lucien, have been put on the back burner because other stories are coming first.

The thing with Az - I don't think that she has been leading him on. She tries to tell him in her own way, without having to come out, that she isn't going to be interested. I wish that she felt safe enough just tell Azriel, but there is a combination of things keeping her from doing that: the homophobia of the Court of Nightmares and her family, her desire to keep that part of herself sacred, and maybe (maybe?) Azriel's reaction to that discussion. I think she knows that Az is particularly fragile and they have gone so long without talking that at this point it's just festering. Ugh, when they finally do talk it's going to be intense. But I do hesitate to say she is scared of his reaction because...

I don't think that Az really loves her the way he seemed to in acomaf. After seeing how he has treated her and now how he treats Elain, I think that Mor (and Elain) are actually convenient people because his "infatuation" with them keeps people from looking too deeply at what Az is actually doing - or not doing. So if anything, Mor and Azriel having that conversation would be a huge relief where they could both stop having to pretend around each other all the time. I'm torn because I think he does have a temper and he has a history of not thinking about how that temper impacts Mor, but I also don't think that, ultimately, his feelings are deep enough to make him react that way. The only reason he would do that is a cover for the things he is really afraid of. Which I have a whole different ask about haha.

Okay, number three in my acosf pet peeves is that there was NO HINT that Rhys, or Cassian, or Azriel know that Mor is queer. I was CONVINCED that we would find out in acosf that at least one of them knows. It doesn't make any sense for them to not! After all this time, and them supposedly being so close. I hope that it's not being reserved for plot reasons because EW. Like, there is a reason that sexual assault shouldn't be used for plot or character development, right? It's the same thing with queerness and I hope that that is not what is coming.

It might all come down to the way that as the series progresses, sjm seems incapable of thinking about a character if they aren't on the page at that moment. It's why Elain seems to have been held in suspension since the end of acowar. And now Mor does. And honestly Lucien does too. Amren just never changes because she's so old. I think she's ready to break Azriel out of the cryogenic ice stuff now but I don't really like this style of writing where characters' motivations are completely hidden just because they aren't the main character.

[strawbebehmod]

Some potentially controversial headcanons about sexuality and gender in atla

Ok so I have some headcanons about gender and sexuality in the atlaverse that may controdict some aspects of canon as well as many other's headcanons but I feel go pretty inline with the nations, either based on their inspo country's history or the feel I get from the nations in canon culture. If you disagree that's totally chill I just wanna get my thoughts out there to see who else agrees.

So with that let's begin:

Air nomads

This I think everyone agrees on that the air nomads didn't give a shit about gender or sexuality. Love is love and gender is an illusion.

They also were very pro poly relationships

However, cause of the whole communally raising children thing that's a part of canon I don't think all the temples really had a concept of marriage and some groups may have actually given you odd looks if you wanted to be exclusive with someone

But the general 'let it be' culture meant you really wouldn't get any widespread social grief on the issue just maybe have a few arguments with friends or maybe a partner that wasn't used to being exclusive or was used to being exclusive and you weren't, and you veritably weren't going to be ostracized for your sexuality or preferences in a relationship. It's a domestic issue rather than a social justice one.

Air nomads were by far the most accepting of asexuality and aromaticism.

Water tribe

I actually think things very between the north and the south a lot due to their seperation, but a commonality between them is their strong sense of gender roles and other ridged segregations in gender like the whole waterbending thing.

That being said, transness is very much accepted but there are specific ceremonies for transitioning and coming out to the tribe, and it can mean losing some privileges you had from the gender you were assigned at birth.

There's also a third non-binary gender that has its own specific ceremony. This circumvented a lot of rules about who could learn what type of waterbending, particularly up north but also carried a few unique social responsibilities like officiating weddings but could also strip you of some priviledges from your initially assigned gender, such as paticipation in specific gendered rituals such as women's cerimonies or men's cerimonies.

Those members had their own unique cerimonies and celibrations however.

In the northern watertribe specifically homosexuality is very much accepted but under the current cheiftan unions of politics like Yue's will almost always come before unions of love, so gay individuals can sadly be forced into hetero relationships via arranged mairrage, with the only concessions being that they can take on a single same sex lover outside of the union.

The absoluteness of the arranged mairrage rules can change based on who is in charge however.

Biphobia has had a history of being a problem in the water tribes as they have a huge emphasis on separation and opposites in their culture as their two biggest spirits represent yin and yang. Lesbians were long considered favored by tui and gay men favored by la, as if they were living symbols of the spirits.

There was discourse as to how bi and pan people fit into this model, some even horribly suggesting they were abandoned by the spirits, but the current concesus among spiritual experts and elders is they are actually a symbol of tui and la's love for eachother and thus favored by both.

The southern water tribe has always been laxer about the gender specific stuff and never had the arranged mairrage rules.

It was always much smaller however so LGBT individuals were less common. This often made it harder for homosexual individuals to find romantic love as there were just fewer fellow LGBT people that were avalible.

So if you came out as gay/bi/pan/lesbian to the tribe it was often the tradition to complete your ice dodging cerimony soon after and then become a sailor for at least three years to try and find romance while trading goods with the other nations if you didn't have a partner already.

A majority of southern tribe fishermen/women as a result were LGBT. Being a full-time fisherman is now a euphamism for being a lonely gay person.

Southern watertribe mermaid tales were almost always very gay as a result.

Unfortunately due to the southern watertribe's culture and traditions being decimated by the firenation's raids, a lot of LGBT culture in the southern tribe was also lost.

They're still pretty accepting but because of the dwindled population of the southern tribe and the fact that LGBT people tend to only make up 1-10% of an average population in the real world, it's rare for a gay individual to be born into the southern tribe, usually only once every generation now, if they realize they are gay to begin with.

As a result of that and the fact that bringing it up generally brings up the fact that the firenation destroyed what nice things they had, it's often not talked about outside of between elders mourning better times, which has made it even harder for some individuals to even realize they are LGBT to begin with.

The swamp benders are mostly men who wear leaf loin cloths they gay af and we're probs established by southern watertribe gays and bis that got lost in their travels and decided to settle down in the swamp, eventually attracting the attention of other lgbt earth kingdom people who decided to live with them.

Earth Kingdom

There's a huge divide among how it's treated among peasents and aristocracy

Peasents grew up on stories of past earth kings with many lovers, including several gay ones

So depending on where you live homosexuality is either considered something romantic of fairy-tales or celibrated as something unique and uncommon

In some places where people have more spirituality, some joke that gay people were royals in their past lives.

The earth kingdom is big tho, so some small towns can be homophobic but it's much rarer and usually because they were established by homophobes who were chased from areas that were very anti homophobia.

Fetishization of homosexuality can happen but it's again depending on where you are.

The earth kingdom is also very accepting of asexuality but there are stereotypes such as asexuals usually becoming gurus.

In aristocracy things are a bit different

Homosexuality is still pretty accepted but due to how prevalent arrange mairrages are it's heavily assosiated with affairs and running away from family obligations and thus it's a bit taboo to speak publicly about it in high society.

Lesbianism specifically cause China, what the earth kingdom is based on, has a long history of writing off women's feelings.

The upper crust of Ba Sing Se, despite lots of historically gay earth kings, has a big homophobia issue thanks to the Dai Lee slowly becoming corrupted after Kyoshi died.

Long Feng particularly had a hand in making talking about gay stuff practically off the table or seen as only something for filthy commoners.

Transgenderism, again cause of China historically treating women like shit, is a subject of a lot of discourse in the Earth kingdom, although there are no legal issues with being transgender and one can have their passports changed in certian cities and towns to reflect their gender identity if they move there, but only in those specific towns.

Omashu is one of them and is extremely pro trans and in general pro LGBT even among the aristocracy, infact king Bumi in his first year of rule established specific holidays for celibrating trans people, gay men, lesbians, asexuals, bisexuals, agender people, and any other gender or sexual identity Bumi knew about.

He has added to the list since. Whenever he finds out about a new gender identity or sexuality he sets the day he found out as a day for a feats next year celibrating it.

This is why there are so many feasts in omashu.

He also often officiates gay weddings himself because according to him "gay weddings are the most interesting and creative. They all have mad geniuses for their wedding planners I tell ya"

Tbh he will randomly show up to any wedding in his city cause he loves parties but he will specifically officiate gay ones.

The Fire Nation

Ok this is where some people may get pissed cause I disagree that the firenation is horribly homophobic

I know it was stated by one of the creators that the firenation has anti gay laws thanks to Sozin but Japan had a loooooong history of celibrating gay stuff prior to westernization and the firenation is based off of Japan. Also kinda headcanon Sozin as having a thing for Roku that fell apart with the whole war bs.

So Sozin never imo put into place any homophobic laws aside from banning gay writings and plays within the palace out of bitterness of having Roku betray him and just didn't want to have anything around him that would remind him of him. Dude got so mopey over it he neglected his wife and children a lot, despite the whole thing being 100% his fault.

Azulon on the other hand was a homophobic son of a bitch and put a lot of anti gay and trans laws into effect. While none outlawed same sex relations, they included ones that allowed people to get away with firing people or harming people for being LGBT.

Ozai was also extremely homophobic.

But before all this the fire nation was practically a gay paradise. Fire is the element of passion, and so gay sex and relationships were considered for a long time just as normal as heterosexual relationships.

There were festivals and holidays celibrating gay lovers, lots of LGBT writing and art, and many many plays on the subject

There were several folk stories of Agni the sun spirit coming down to earth to meet his male human lovers, including one that explained why we have night and day. (Tui introduced Agni to one of the volcano spirit's sons so that she may rule the night in peace without his constant incercession and annoying boastfulness)

Soldiers were pretty much expected to have a gay relationship with one of their brothers in arms if they were single to increase the loyalty among troops.

The firenation was the only nation where arranged mairrages could be nullified instantly on the grounds that one of the individuals involved was gay, unless you were the firelord and that was only because it was the firelord's duty to produce at least one heir to continue the linage, so it was seen as the firelord's sacrifice to his or her people to take up at least one opposite sexed partner. Romantic affairs were expected and understood in such situations however so long as there was already an heir to the throne born.

Families could even be punished with jail time for knowingly forcing their gay children into heterosexual relationships.

Gay couples could adopt children too and denying one on the grounds of being gay would be grounds for removal of your position in child care and being blacklisted.

There were still homophobes but homophobia was squashed a lot

Azulon managed to "justify" the cultural shift and changes to laws by having newspapers publishing fake news about pedophilia cases being linked to homosexuality as well as other stories linking homosexuality to degenerate acts.

He also used the culture of honor and family loyalty to shame gay children for ending their parent's bloodlines and claiming gay individuals were less likely to take care of their parents in their old age. And that trans children dishonored their parents by rejecting their "birth gender"

He even had certian folk stories changed to be heterosexual

This allowed homophobia and transphobia to spred in the firenation

However many individual towns held onto their pro LGBT roots and still published and performed gay literary works and plays.

And azulon and ozai were unable to remove many nonheteronormative traditions, such as guy friends being extremely physically affectionate, more so than with their girl counterparts.

In some areas it's still customary to greet close male friends with platonic kisses on the cheek

Zuko repealed many of the old laws established by his father and grandfather almost immediately, and reestablished many old holidays and protections for LGBT individuals.

Fixing the damage is still taking time, but with a corrected history of the firenation being now taught in classes thanks to zuko and aang, things are getting back to the way they once were slowly.

[cosmosrival]

there it is! kama interlude analysis by a kama fan!

WELL. LIKE IT SAYS IN THE TITLE: this is just my own thoughts!! youre free to think whatever u want !! i am just putting my own knowledge into words because i genuinely love kama, and i would like for kama’s depth to be understood by the NA fandom a little more!! i try to stay as close as possible to their character in everything i do because i believe that the more in character they are, the funnier/more interesting content ppl will produce. 

and hopefully i understood them well ???!!!! HOPEFULLY ?!

i will be screenshotting the translated reddit post under this read more and stop whenever something i find interesting to develop pops up ! or else it’ll get way too long lol if you wanna read the interlude for yourself heres the link!

with that said, let’s go!!

kama’s interlude begins with guda passing the hell out because of exhaustion and then waking up in a dream sequence where kama treats them to some relaxing adventures, stuff to take their mind off heavy things!! first dream sequence is kama roleplaying a highschool setting where they’re dating.

i like this because they openly admit that its an illusion, breaking the immersion but as long as youre okay with roleplaying, they’ll continue it LOL  at some point, caesar mentions the student council president and arjuna appears behind him 

since this is an illusion that kama made, i’ve been wondering about the fact that the way servants conduct eachother in this interlude is mostly because that’s how kama envisions they would act in a highschool setting, in an amusement park and finally with eachother (mostly for confirmed couples such as siegbryn, consort yu and her hubby etc...). suzuka and sei being gyarus is obvious, but arjuna as the student council president... is so cute???!!! i MEAN IT FITS ?! THATS A GREAT IDEA KAMA!!!! ANYWAY

this is kama’s first monologue and since they’re primarily the god of lust, all of the more vanilla stuff they mentions such as sharing a pair of headphones embarrasses them since its so tame. ITS CUTE !!! kama expects you to be horny in class !! what are you doing thinking about hand holding !!! medusa saves u from that tho with a direct reference to her relationship with kama’s vessel 

this is interesting !! and reassuring !!! i think that kama as a character has a lot of depth and just reducing them to “sakura” would be a waste and this interlude shows how different they are from her. but they’re also similar! sakura went through a lot just like medusa says and kama does have trauma related to shiva. its not the same circumstances but the same kind of suffering which explains the nuance here. and what i like about chaldea is that there’s been multiple instances where its been proven that servants can grow thanks to their relationships with guda (most common example: leveling up your bonds) BUT ALSO, saint graph evolution (alts). and as a kama fan i’d like to see them happy someday and this interlude as a whole is proof of their healing/coping because of the time they spent in chaldea and how they interact with others. more on that later ! here, they don’t recognize medusa which is normal since they’re not sakura (someone else entierly), but...

they care about her ! because of sakura’s influence being a part of the servant called Kama(assassin). the difference here is important !! but i’ll come back on this in a bit. quick mention to the greek cupid <3 kamadusa nation we were fed (i clap by myself because im the only one who has 57575757557 kama rarepairs-----)

kama is a delinquent whos horny in class but still takes a few notes, enough to do well on their tests! and thats tea<3 smart horny lazyass !! theyre a gift

SO ARJUNA WAS OUT FOR BLOOD ????? ANYWAY, this is right after the actual fight against weirdo terrorists, and im happy to know that kama DOES enjoy a good fight (as proven in their voicelines as well) but theyre not a farming unit because it’d be too much work (single target NP..)...!!!!!!! lavish god of love.... 

FINALLYYYYYYYYYYY THE REAL DEAL !!!!!!!!!!!! “it feels wonderful to be your girlfriend” christ, kamadeva was so used to being a husband and a good lover, it reflected in their servant version.... but ree what do u mean by servant version???

I MEAN THE OBVIOUS !! kama explains it very well in the screenie just above ! 

“You know very well how servants work.”

KAMA ASSASSIN (the servant in your chaldea) is neither KAMADEVA or SAKURA MATOU or MARA. they’re a MIX OF PARTS OF THE THREE. creating an entierly new person(in this case, servant) !!!! it might sound like i’m repeating myself, but this is important!!!!!!!!! i will say this multiple times so people remember it !!! and if u already had this figured out: GOOD JOB I LOVE U !!!

Kamadeva (the god) has many stories, ones where he was born from concepts (dharma and shraddha), one where his parents are brahma and sarasvati, one where his parents are vishnu and lakshmi, stories about his reincarnation after his death where his parents are krishna and rukmini, his love with Rati and so on. We all know Sakura’s backstory since this is nasuverse. And Mara is a demon, an entity that tried to corrupt Buddha and prevent him from reaching enlightenment/stray from the path. Kama assassin has parts from all of these entities which explains why they have a vague longing for Rati, why they have a soft spot for Medusa and why they have an affinity with Kiara(and also like talking about corrupting u !). 

they then mention how a japanese highschool setting is fun and all i have to say is: i’m gonna make an indo fam delinquent vs student council au out of this one folks !!!!!!!! i gotta !!! 

OK next

TIME FOR THE SECOND DREAM SEQUENCE WHICH I WAS VERY VERY VERRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY AFRAID OF BEFORE THE TRANSLATION CAME OUT.

THE PART WHERE KAMA ACTS LIKE YOUR CHILD.

well with their stage 1 it was expected but without the translation i have to say that i was scared shitless! because people hate thinking! and even if kama clearly tells you that it’s a charade, u know a JOKE. A DREAM SEQUENCE. DONT BE A CREEP. KAMA INTENDED FOR IT TO BE WHOLESOME. i know some ppl wont use their brains. but u know its fgo and degenerates are everywhere. 

anyways. family bonding time ensues until another monologue appears!!

exactly like before, kama mentions myths that belonged to kamadeva. Meaning that the Kama in our chaldea isn’t the Kamadeva we know and is not Pradyumna either but the fact that the writers chose to have kama acknowledge it is very reassuring !!! Because it means that they’ve chosen to make it a part of their (complicated) history. Kama says that Pradyumna is the myth about themself they know the least, once again proving us that the Kama in our Chaldea (Assassin) is a different entity and that they were summoned to the throne upon their death, the moment they were burned by Shiva’s flames and became Ananga, in any case they’re still familiar with all of their own myths. it allows us to keep heroic spirits separate from their original myths. Obviously! And in the case of pseudo-servants, it allows us to keep them separate from their vessels. Cuz this is a fanservice japanese game. Andddd the fandom likes forgetting this fact quite a lot i’ve noticed. As a person who loves thinking about tons and tons of headcanons for fun, this allows us a lot of space ! Because this is fate/grand order at its base. Nasuverse. 

I’m glad that the interlude explains it so clearly, it’s very good !! Because the majority of myths from every culture are confusing, family trees are confusing, names are confusing, powers and attributes are confusing... its a mess !!!! the fgo characters we know are just cut from their own respective timelines/historial figures so the writers can organize themselves more easily. Like cutting halves from a big cake. Kama (Assassin) is the Kama that died from Shiva’s flames and became the universe ONLY. In Nasuverse, Arthur Pendragon is a woman. Anastasia Romanov NEVER had a demon familiar named Viy in real life despite the creature being part of russian folklore. u know ! im russian i can testify dude !! 

hopefully everyone got this bc i wont be explaining this any further dude, its exhausting !!!!!! bangs my hands on the table !!!!! 

ANYWAYS kama mentions “eternal pain that turns [them] into ash” being their key element. Their trauma is at the center of their heroic spirit self, what they are as a servant. This suffering is tied to everything they do, why they’re so lazy, why they’re so lax, why they’re so detached from their job.  But they’re not detached from their role. And “job” and “role” have different connotations here. They refuse to work as a cupid because of obvious reasons. BUT. They’re not detached from their role as the God of Love, as the God of Passion. The embodiment of those feelings. This whole interlude is proof ! They’re giving u free therapy because they Love you. Passion. They feel your love. Passion. They acknowledge how much fun you’re having. How passionate you are about certain things. They might seem extremely detached and hateful, but they aren’t. They’re one of the most empathetic servants there is. And their ability to love everything, even the things they hate is what makes them so miserable. Because it’s a part of them. Because the concept of Kama in hinduism is linked to them. Be it lust or simply the passion born from anything you do where you’re enjoying yourself. (quote:  “ the term also refers to any sensory enjoyment, emotional attraction and aesthetic pleasure such as from arts, dance, music, painting, sculpture and nature “. R. Prasad (2008), History of Science, Philosophy and Culture in Indian Civilization )

... I’d like to say that this contrast with Mara is interesting. And that i’m glad the writers chose to add in Mara to the kama assassin Beast mix. 

Because the anger Mara feels can become a drivepoint for Kama. I’ve always believed that anger and sadness are two sides of the same coin, it’d explain how layered Kama is and how valid their emotions are. Constantly torn between love and hate. An eternal grudge (i don’t deserve to be hurt like this) and an eternal misery(maybe i do deserve to be hurt like this). 

i wish they were my roommate <3 oh fuck ree got emotional wait where were we.

OH YEAH

i think kama saying that they dislike being involved with other indian servants because theyre linked to shiva is a feeble attempt at trying to keep up a strong front because they still love them in the end. cuz that’s how kama is ! after a while they’ll get bored of bullying ganesha and ashwatthama. they’ll get interested in rama because their respective mythos are linked even if their servant selves have no connection. hell, at the end of the interlude they talk about parvati and how they themself changed and realized things. BUT OH WELL, THATS STUFF FOR ANOTHER POST HEHE thats just ree wanting kama to b happy yall move along !!

.....THIS ISNT A COLLEGE STUDENTS ROLEPLAY BUT ITS A CUTE JAPANESE COMPANY BOSS/UNDERLING SETTING AND ITS CUTE SO I THINK KAMA WEARING A PENCIL SKIRT AND POURING U ALCOHOL IS CUTE. CUTE.

further proof of kama’s overflowing affection and what i detailed above!! hopefully u all knew this one simply from reading this interlude/their profile page and dont need me to write it down for u. HOPEFULLY !!!!!

(I START BEATBOXING VERY RAPIDLY AND RUNNING TOWARDS YOU) KAMA IS A SADIST AT THEIR CORE AND I WILL NEVER STOP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they’re easy to fluster because theyre not used to being so vanilla, but whats underneath is how they truly are !! a beast turned servant, the sweetest sadist !! theyre very mature and this interlude is so well written (wipes my teears

this is directly linked to what i explained above, by burning you away, you’ll melt into nothingness just like they did. When they were the universe, they felt both everything and nothing. 

But was it really relief ... ?

... IT WASNT.

AND PARVATI SAVES THE DAY !!!!!!! phew!! thank u paru, it’d still like to be able to touch kama’s huge titties and i cant do that if i turn into ashes (falls down the stairs

ok she summoned lovey dovey canon couples to annoy kama since they’re exhausted of seein them!!

...............(I TAKE OUT A KNIFE) TAKE THAT BACK. DONT TALK TO THEM LIKE THAT. TAKE THAT BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

ohhhhhh im obsessed i love when theyre angry<3 i love when theyre fighty <3 i think they should beat the living shit out of a boxing bag DAILY to let out some of this steam. they’d be a monster on the ring... aaa kama in training boot y shorts aa a .. .uughg hg ouu... (you all shove me into a locker)

ok this is interesting !! i think that the interlude showing us that parvati feels a semblance of guilt is character dev. proof for what i mentioned before!! in ookuu parvati felt quite ..unsympathetic to me, even if kama is a beast who wants to annihilate humanity, when u think about it, at their core their grudge is because of her and shiva’s betrayal. and here, she properly apologizes for making kama so upset. this is heartwarming to me since i dislike thinking that members of the indo fam hate eachother :( same goes for arjuna and karna, at some point i’d like for them to act like bros normally and finally be comfy. but anyways !!

u wake up from the dreams and da vinci, mashu and paru are here to tell u whats going on. But its fine bc u remember everything and u have to go thank someone for helping u out!!!

CUTE !!!!!!! THEY CARE ABOUT U !!!!!! but whether it be because of their role or because theres a deeper meaning is entierly up to your own interpretation because...

of what they say here. 

and here !! 

ohhhhhhhhh this is so important !!!!!!

this is actual proof of kama’s growth as a servant and how servants evolve in chaldea !! chaldea is not the same as a grail war, its a special, cut-off place and thats what makes it even more relaxing to think about. Everytime u summon a servant in ur chaldea u give them a chance to have fun with you, to have fun with other servants, to make amends, to start from scratch, to discover things they would’ve never known in their time (movies, video games, tons of different foods etc...), u give them a chance to relax. to grow !! this is the headcanon that im most attached to and im glad to see it be confirmed in the interlude of a character i love tbqh i had to stop and talk about that.

everyone say thank u kama !! can we roleplay a college roommate coffee shop slowburn au next time <3 

ANYWAYS if you’ve read it this far: thank you !!! im sorry if you expected something very serious, im not that type of person hehe im jus here to have fun and look at things i like, and the interlude itself was quite lighthearted and refreshing. By talking about the myths and all of kamadeva’s stories, the writers basically gave lore nerds a huge thumbs up like... “its ok now !! u can go ape now !! go be insane<3 love u<3″ and all of this kama characterization GENUINELY makes me so happy because i think they really needed that. kama assassin... (i blow a kiss to the sky) is a little mess of a servant... a god, human crumbs and a demon... a total mess... im in love with them...

..............tho now the wait for a summer alt where they interact with the entire indo fam begins (im sitting in a chair unmoving)(i have a gun in case minase begins acting gross

[nesta-stan]

Hello again, it's your snowflake. No worries on the delay in replying - I'm awful, too! I just wanted to get a sense of what you do and don't like when it comes to Nesta. Who do you ship her with? Do you have any pet hates when it comes to reading fanfic? Are there any particular conversations you'd like to see in ACOSF? Are there any things that will make you EXPLODE if you do see them in ACOSF and stop reading?

I think Nesta definitely has issues being able to open up to others. It takes alot just to get her to a little. She is very cynical. When it comes to her attitude, I am going to be honest, Acomaf and beyond I don't think their was really anything she said that she wasn't either pushed too or out of a place of reasonable fustrations. Like Nesta was not in the wrong for Nesta not wanting them to use her house because everything she was afraid would happen, which they promised wouldn't, happened; or when she made a clear cut no at the dinner and Feyre still persisted to ask her. I ship her with Cassian but I think I said this before Cassian does her dirty. Cassian and the inner circle never really take into account how their actions can be perceived. For Cassian: he brags about how many girls he can sleep with; he flirts, is touchy, and exchanges sexual underwear with his female best friend who he slept with; and right off the bat when meeting Nesta he is trying to get under her skirts. He comes off as a fuckboy and the inner circle talks about him like he is a fuckboy. And he never really has any real reflection on how those actions can affect how others perceive him. If someone doesn't like him, it automatically has be because he is a bastard. Like I get that's his insecurity, but their are plenty of other real reasons to want to avoid getting emotionally attached him that he just doesn't think about because he always goes straight to that one thing. I think Nesta is the person to kind of break that not by coddling his insecurity like the inner circle does but to tell it to him straight, he acts like an asshole sometimes so he gets treated accordingly. It has nothing to do with his bastard status and everything to do with facing the consequences to his own actions. I also don't think the way he crosses boundaries is cute like it's made out to be. I hate when their conversations are just Nesta saying No a million times over and then Cassian doing what he wants anyways until she snaps the fuck out. I don't think that's healthy. The thing is outside of Nesta, Cassian is such a sweet and genuine person, but he doesn't show that side of him to her like he does the others, which leads to them not understanding how she can be so mean to him and Nesta getting antagonized because he acts like a heartbroken puppy when she's gone, but like an entitled jackass when their alone. Also, he needs to learn to mind his business. I understand that him and Feyre are friends but that relationship has been a shitshow before he met either of them.

I know this sounds very anti-Cassian but the only big problems I have with him are in regards to his relationship with Nesta. I think alot of this behavior stems from 1. Feeling the need to compete with Nesta 2. Feeling the need to side with Feyre against Nesta despite his own feelings because he just tends to care more about others than himself. 3. Not taking himself seriously, therefore Cassian and his feelings aren't taken as seriously because he doesn't advocate for himself or his good qualities. And I do put more responsibility on the relationship onto him because he is the one pursuing her and not the other way around. If Nesta was chasing after a relationship with Cassian and acted like this I would be more critical, but she isn't. Also, he made a really big deal about Feyre saving Nesta's life, and how that means Nesta needs to treat Feyre better, but when Nesta was taking care of him and saved his life twice in the war, his appreciation for that never felt like it went beyond his own hopes for a romantic relationship with her.

My main hopes for him is that he learns how to properly self reflect without the block of being a bastard. Cause he has plenty of personal strengths he can rely on that he doesn't realize he has, and plenty of flaws he overlooks in himself that affect his relationship with Nesta that he refuses to see.

I don't want to see Nesta apologize for having boundaries in the first place. I think she does need to apologise and make sure Cassian feels secure in their relationship, and she needs to communicate what specifically her problems are instead expecting Cassian to just know why she is so angry with him. I truly think if anyone ever actually called Cassian out for his behavior he would genuinely try to change them but if he doesn't know what's wrong than he can't put in the effort to fix it. I think Cassian should communicate his problems to but just in the jurisdiction of their relationship and not Nesta's relationship with other people and the same with Nesta. They can have their own friend groups and still delegate time for eachother but I do want to see Cassian demanding more respect for Nesta like Feyre does. Feyre does not idly stand by when their is bad talk about Nesta in her presence. Most of what we see in acofas is behind Feyre's back. Cassian just kind of sits their, which might have something to do with the power dynamics in the inner circle or his own anger at Nesta but regardless, once they are together that status quo needs to change. I also want Nesta to compliment Cassian more and vice versa. Right now Nesta thinks Cassian is egotistical and Cassian thinks Nesta is spoiled but I want Nesta to feed Cassian's ego and for Cassian to spoil Nesta.

When it comes to fics I love modern AUs and future time jumps type stuff, or one shots but I don't particularly just like stories that are just their version of the cannon. I am a fan of outlandish ideas you would only see in fanfiction but feel like they could happen like orgies, Nessian babies, fight scenes, and fluffy emotional bonding that isn't just between the couple (i.e friendships and family) I like smut and fluff but mostly smut. Nessian's main thing is their burning sexual tension so I like seeing that portrayed.

That was like a very unorganized rant. Is their anything else you think I need to elaborate on.

[castielstiddies]

Okay so I'm balling over this goddamn song and destiel and I need to let you all know why so here it is: An Analysis of the Lyrics and Why They Fit Destiel Perfectly.

I just want to point out that Andrew Rannells (Whizzer) and Christian Borle (Marvin) perform this perfectly and I love them.

This is a very long post so be warned before you press that button.

It's important to have context so we can connect these two pairings together properly and bring more meaning out of this song like it deserves. So the main part of the synopsis says:

"Marvin, after Whizzer’s death, reflects on their relationship and how loving Whizzer has changed his life. Whizzer’s spirit come back, dressed as he was in the first scene, both commenting on how they changed each others lives and on the future they were robbed of."

Now let me just change some words here and we'll see how we all feel:

"Dean, after Cas’s death, reflects on their relationship and how loving Cas has changed his life. Cas’s spirit come back, dressed in his trenchcoat, both commenting on how they changed each others lives and on the future they were robbed of."

Are you crying yet? Don't worry we haven't even seen the lyrics yet.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"[MARVIN]" Now I'd like to start off by saying that Marvin has been with both men and women and he's struggled with his own internalized homophobia and has found it difficult to openly love Whizzer throughout the show. The parallels are clear between Marvin and Dean.

"What would I do If I had not met you?" You can think of this two ways. One - What would Dean have done if Cas had not met him in Hell and saved him? Still getting tortured or more likely torturing others, an experience that he hated and wished to never live through again. The second (and I think better) way to think of this line is, when Dean met Cas on earth. How meeting Cas changed his life forever, opening him up to a whole new world of having someone who thought that he deserved to be saved and who gave up an entire army for him. Who proved his love and loyalty to him time and time again. So what would Dean have done if he had never met Cas on Earth? What if Cas never reached out to him after saving Dean from Hell? A little bit later in this verse Marvin sings...

"There are no answers"

...in regards to this question. Because there really are no answers to what would Dean have done without Cas because we simply can't imagine it. The same goes for Dean. Cas has changed his life so much that it's impossible to imagine what his life would be like without Cas.

"Who would I blame my life on?" When Christian Borle delivers this line on stage it's said with a small, sad laugh. Similar to how Dean uses humour to hide his feelings, Marvin does too.

"Once I was told That all men get what they deserve Who the hell then threw this curve?" Despite everything Cas has done wrong, Dean and all of us know that Cas did not get what he deserved when the Empty took him. We believe he deserved to be happy with Dean and Dean thinks so too.

"There are no answers But who would I be If you had not been my friend?" The word 'friend' here is what really ties it to Dean for me because they were friends first, they helped eachother through thick and thin before love started to seep in as well. Sure there was attraction from the beginning but it's about the fact that Dean's only shown to have one true, close best friend, and that's Cas.

"You're the only one One out of a thousand others Only one my child would allow" Alright so this line I did struggle to link to destiel, I was thinking about Jack and Claire but they're Cas's children. But what if we think of the 'child' as Sam. Dean raised Sam so it's easy to see him as his 'child' and it's important to Dean that Sam accepts the people that he's friends with. This is even more important with Cas because Dean may want to have a relationship with him in the future and also Cas lives in the bunker... with them. Dean definitaly needs Sam's permission if he wants Cas to live in their home. It's clear that Cas and Sam are the people Dean cares about the most and to have Sam 'allow' Cas to stay in their home and share their space is something that's really important to Dean.

"When I'm having fun You're the one I wanna talk to" Cue every gif of Dean smiling while hanging out with Cas or talking to Cas over the phone.

"Where have you been?" Where has Cas been for all of Dean's life? He completes Dean, builds up his self-confidence and assures him that he is wanted, needed and important. Just where has Cas been for all of Dean's life?

"Where are you now? So on this note there's a beautiful key change into the next part and it just makes it so much more profound. (Also Dean has no gosh darn clue where Cas is, who tf is the Empty?)

"Who would I be If I had not loved you?" This moment is fucking beautiful. It's Dean finally speaking his truth and telling Cas, wherever he is, that he loved him. He loved Cas and that changed him for the better, made him into the person he is today.

"How would I know what love is?" Dean has never been told so openly and honestly by anyone about how he is important, he's worthwhile and that he deserves to live a happy and full life, no one has done that besides Cas. No one has shown their loyalty and love to him in the most blatant and profound ways possible, giving up an entire army, rebelling against their own family, sticking by his side no matter what. Staying. How would Dean know what true love is without Cas constantly showing him what love means and what it feels like be loved fully and truly. Of course Dean has experienced love before, he's been in at least 2 other relationships (that I can think of off of the top of my head) but he's never felt love like the way he does with Cas.

"God only knows, too soon I'll remember your faults Meanwhile, though, it's tears and schmaltz" Of course as Dean relives memories of Cas, he'll be reminded of all of his faults, all of the things he did wrong even when he thought that what he was doing was right (Leviathians, Lucifer). But for now, Dean will breakdown and cry and grieve but most of all he'll remember Cas and how much he loved him.

"[WHIZZER]" Alright so Whizzer is a character who has never been shy about his sexuality, about how much he likes being with men. Similar to Cas who simply doesn't understand why people hide who they're attracted to until Dean came along and taught him differently.

"All your life you've wanted men" I like to think that this line applies to both Cas and Dean and I'll explore that with the next two lines.

"And when you got it up to have them Who knew it could end your life?" This is getting a bit meta now. When Dean was so very close to finally speaking his truth on screen, he died. (And in some versions he does speak his truth but that's another story). There was no reason for Dean to die in the finale, who knew that when he finally shared that he loved another man he would be killed for no reason two episodes later.

This line can also be in reference to Cas's experience. When Cas was finally able to tell Dean that he loved him, when he finally gained to courage to not only share his feelings but also to have his happiness ripped away from him, he died. Dean and Cas both knew what was going to happen when Cas said those words. It wasn't a surprise, yet it still felt like one.

"[MARVIN] I left my kid and left my wife" This is the moment when I could not stop crying and thinking about destiel when listening to this song. Dean left Lisa and (totally not) his son in season 5.

"To be with you" Of course it's a little bit of a stretch to say that Dean left Lisa and Ben solely for Cas (expecially since I think Dean realised his love for Cas in Season 7-8 so the timeline wouldn't make sense for me) but I like to think of this line from the perspective of Dean grieving Cas and looking back on how Cas changed his life. Of course he would remember that he left Lisa and Ben in order to be with Cas because that was 10 years ago and the memory is now muddled with grief, time and his now unwavering love for Cas. "To be insulted by such handsome men" This line just reminds me of the scene in the car when Cas and Dean are arguing (you know what I'm on about)

"[WHIZZER] Do you regret—?" Cas is asking Dean, do you regret loving me? Do you regret letting me into your life? Do you regret our friendship? It's beautiful to think that Cas feels vulnerable in this moment, he thinks that Dean regrets letting him into his life.

"[MARVIN] I'd do it again I'd like to believe that I'd do it again And again and again..." Now Dean's the one to build Cas back up, to assure him that he does not regret a thing. He's building up Cas's confidence and supporting him just like Cas has been doing for Dean.

"And What more can I say? [WHIZZER] What more can I say?" They're both lost for words, what do they say now? They know that they love eachother and they know that they won't be able to be together because of Cas's deal. What do you say in that situation?

"[MARVIN] How am I to face tomorrow?" Dean still has to continue living, without Cas. In 15x19 he's drowning himself in beer as he grieves the loss of Cas. How can he face tomorrow after Cas has confessed his love for him and then died in a matter of minutes? How can he face tomorrow knowing that saying that he loves Dean, that by having Dean know that someone loves him, is the happiest moment Cas has ever felt?

"[BOTH] After being screwed out of today" Haha screw...

"Tell me what's in store" They're still looking to eachother for guidance and support despite the distance between them.

"[MARVIN] Yes, I'd beg or steal or borrow" Dean's turning to things that he can control in order to deal with his grief. Despite the finale ending I think it's widely accepted in the Destiel fandom that Dean would work night and day until he got Cas back from the empty.

"If I could hold you for One hour more [WHIZZER] One hour more [MARVIN] One hour more [WHIZZER] One hour more [BOTH] One hour, one hour more" Now that they know that they both love eachother, that they could have had everything they wanted if they just told one another. They're begging all of the higher powers that there are that they could enjoy what could have been for one hour. Simply relishing in the fact that they are happy and in love and that they are both wanted.

"[MARVIN] What would I do [WHIZZER] What would I do [MARVIN] If I had not seen you? [WHIZZER] If I had not seen you? [BOTH] Who would I feast my eyes on?" Once again I'm just thinking about the idea of that 'one hour more' and how they would constantly compliment one another and freely look at each other without shame or embarrassment and to just allow themselves to have everything that they wanted.

"Once I was told That good men get better with age [MARVIN] We're just gonna skip that stage" This can be seen two ways, one is that Cas simply cannot age and Dean is once again using humour to hide his grief. Or my favourite version which is that Dean never got to grow old with Cas, (I strongly believe that Cas would allow his vessel to grow old with Dean). Dean wanted to live a normal life, he wanted to get a job and stop hunting but most of all he wanted to grow old with Cas.

If you watch the live version of this song here: https://youtu.be/ZscL4LOLP7Y

You'll hear how Christian Borle's voice cracks when delivering this line. The rest of the lyrics are repeats of lines that I've already covered.

And I'm done boys. Thank you for sticking with this very very long post but I needed to get this out somewhere.

I highly recommend watching Falsettos for yourself if you want to get a better insight into how Marvin/Whizzer and Destiel compare or if you just like the look of it.

[helpinghanikan]

It, and everything, is gone

Obi-wan x Reader 

Sum: Your entire world has been burned and you can still smell the bodies. With precious cargo and a fellow survivor taking the same ship into the future. This is your last chance to take a breath.

AN: After watching the end of Clone Wars (like getting hit with a nostalgia brick) and the prequels I was reminded how much I crushed on Obi-Wan and how much I like angst.

Warnings: Badly written smut, mention of deaths, the Jedi genocide, and the prequel trilogy. 

It’d be nice to say that Luke looked like Padme. Or that you could see the potential and spirit in him. He, and his sister, came from a senator and Jedi after all. In reality he wasn’t even three days old. He looks like every other infant at that age.

Master Kenobi had yet to say anything after the ship broke the atmosphere. Luke kept the silence from settling by crying periodically. His little face was bright red when the nanny-bot floated towards the little crib. He was still going at it when you stepped into the small latrine.

“Hush, little one…” The nanny-bot whispers to the baby. You can hardly hear it’s voice through the wall and the crying. The background music to your reflection in the mirror.

The center of your robes and it’s attached sleeves are stained red. The red is fainter than one would assume, like wine had been spilt on them. There’s a small part of your brain screaming to keep the robes on. What if you take them off but the red has burned through and was staining your skin?

Maybe it’s what you deserved. Hiding under the corpses of your fellow knights in a library that’s probably burning by now. You didn’t even know the young man dragged over your body. You didn’t have a name to remember and honor him by, just a description: A dark haired humanoid who was arguably too young to be out of his apprenticeship. You only saw his eyes, brown, when the widened in surprise and panic at being filled with blasts from behind.

It’s the crying, and that it stopped, that you brought you back. Having only made it half-way through undressing that you disappeared into the memories. It was like being shouted at to hurry up. Stripping away your stained Jedi robes in exchange for whatever was onboard. A brown tank top (two sizes too big, of course) and a belt to tie it together. Leaving your black pants but taking off the boots. Those you would keep, as there seemed to be nothing else in your size on board.

Without Luke’s screaming there was a low hum taking over the ship. Master Kenobi sat at the far front, his back to everything and facing the passing stars. With the location logged in the ship was able to fly itself, sometimes a little alarm or light will turn on. Letting the “pilot” know that some changes might have to be made to avoid crashing into anything.

“Tatooine, that’s where Luke’s family is? Have you met them?” You ask.

There really was no need for an answer. Your talking was nothing more than a distraction for what you had to do. Dropping your Jedi robes into the garbage incinerator. Burning up what little was left of the young man you had used as a shield. What were they going to do with the bodies? Probably be burned in a massive pyre where everyone can see what happens to Rebels. At least he and his blood could become one again in flames.

“I met his grand-mother, but that was a long time ago.” Master Kenobi says, not looking at you while answering. It’s only after you take the seat next to him that he continues. “He still has an aunt and uncle; I haven’t met them but that’s the furthest and the best option.”

It’s as if Luke can tell he’s being talked about. His little lungs starting up again. The nanny-bot moving back over to the crib.

“Hush little one…” It said before you hit the divider. A mock wall slid in the little doorway to the pilot’s section.

“What will happen after? We’ll be hunted, we’re probably being hunted now.” You’re back in the chair. Turning it just enough to be facing him.

“That’s why I will stay. Watch and protect the family from a distance. No one will search for them; I will make sure of it.” He says, leaning back from the hunched over position he was in. Finally looking over to you, waiting for the expected next question.

He was tired; blinking slow and mouth in an unintentional frown. Both of you could feel the lingering death in the force; little stabs through your entire being every time a brother or sister was struck down. It’s a shared feeling of grief, fear, and anger that pressed against the back of your eyes. Those that are still living are screaming, begging for answers and even revenge. The genocide wasn’t just killing, it was destroying everything that was Jedi.

“And me? Where will I go?” You ask, as if you were a child.

His movements are slow but direct. Reaching across the gap to take hold of your hand. Looking where your fingers were touching instead of your face.

The entire day both of you spent thinking of others. Being so empathetic that you could practically feel the burn and shots ripping through your entire being. After the pain stopped the fear and grief would salt the wounds and burn your eyes. It’s only now, with his hand in yours, that you’re allowing yourself to be selfish. To feel the fear of what comes next.

“You’ll take the ship,” Master Kenobi says to your hands. “And disappear. Don’t reach out for survivors the Sith will hear you, they will come for you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Your attention is just as focused on your joined hands. “The council, the Jedi, the order, we’re all gone.” The entire conversation was just spouting out thoughts to eachother. No different than talking to yourself, but your response comes in a different voice.  There was no joined thoughts but his silence and squeezing hand agreed.

He lifted your hand as he said “Sorry,” again. Holding your hand against his lips, not kissing, but keeping contact as he closed his eyes.

It only takes a second to move forward. Breaking down the title of “master” with a hand to his face. Cupping and running nails through the reddish beard. He only looked into your eyes for a split second before you broke the distance. Kissing him with a groan that pressed him back into his chair.

“Please,” He says between the quick little pecks. You knee pressing between his legs, resting on the chair seat as a support. Letting your entire weight be take by the chair to hold his face while his hands found your body.

There was nothing that specifically said Jedi had to be celibate. Just against attachments of strong emotional tied: Marriage, children, supposedly even close friends. But that rule was just a fantasy that everyone denied breaking. Even if there was one against sex, you hadn’t know a single master or knight who had followed that rule.

Obi-wan, before the Master status, was one of those rule breakers. Back when you both had a braid behind your ear and only came across eachother once or twice a month at the temple. It’s a deeply buried joke that this is why the robes are the way they are. The cloth took a second to completely remove but the right bits could be exposed with little pulls.

That was the extent of your relationship back then. Slipping into each other’s sleeping quarters and slipping away just enough cloth. His kisses are the same now as they were back then; soft and ready but wanting you to take control.

This was different situation then the younger years, though. Back then you were looking down at a young man with a stupid grin everyone young and attracted to women get when seeing breasts. Now, you’re looking to a man who can’t make eye contact for a whole other reason. Instead focusing on finding the gap between your shirt and pants.

His hands have always been warm, almost hot. So there was no real shock to both his hands pressing against your back. Pulling you in when he breaks through the barrier, his bare hands using strength usually ignored to press you both together. A tight hug, your faces buried in each other’s hair

It was the same kind of need for distraction and relief that teenagers face. But without the thrill of risk attached.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Obi-wan says this somewhere, at some point. It wasn’t verbal, as his mouth was against yours, but it was louder than a scream. Permission that confirmed there was no one to look down on you for this, there was no one to care. There was only the two of you.

He slides forward just enough on the chair for you to take over his lap. With the ‘borrowed’ tank-top pushed up past your breasts they held Obi-Wan’s entire focus. His hands, like fire, held and massaged your breasts. Staying on this side of rough, refusing to let his anger out completely, but letting it make a slight appearance. Your own emotions were directed towards his hair; scratching and rubbing through hair you liked better in this short style. When you got his head to tilt upward you kissed him, scratching through his beard and mapping out his beard.

You didn’t have to tell him to sit up a little. Sitting up for your core’s to meet to slide his pants down past his backside.

Just like before, just like when you were teenagers, there was no penetration. Using spit covered fingers and hard-pressed hands to get eachother off. Back then it was just as spur of the moment as now; asking if he would meditate with you if he had the time in the later hours at the temple.

Gasping and groaning into his mouth. Reddish blonde hair was going to be ripped out of his head by the end of this. While chasing his fingers you gripped his hair as a support with one hand. Your other hand trying it’s hardest to create the same reaction on him. Based on the pulling, equal ripping, on your hair you were succeeding.

For the briefest moment nothing was wrong; the screams in the force shut up and the pain holding the universe together was cut. This was why sex wasn’t directly forbidden, no one would be cruel enough to take away that brief moment of actual peace.

When the universe came back, and the controls started beeping, you were still pressed together. You would have to move, get going and keep going, but for now it was like before. Not exactly, but it was close enough.

[captainofthebrokentides]

It Should have been Me. Benny Colon x Reader

Just a quick one, written on my breaks if it’s rubbish! :) trying to find a creative outlet in the corona virus chaos. It’s sort of inspired by the vicar of dibley episode. hopefully you’ll enjoy.

As I looked at myself in the mirror, I knew I was making a mistake. A sick feeling swirled in the pit of my stomach as I gazed at my reflection. Everything else was perfect. My pearly white dress, the almost sheer veil with its gorgeous diamante head dress, nestled in the complicated up do it had taken Chunk nearly two hours to perfect. He had worked so hard to make me look flawless and beautiful, but I just felt empty and cold. 

Marissa and Danny were laughing and joking behind me, resplendent in their shimmering satin dresses, a lovely, warm peach colour. When I glanced in the mirror, Cable was watching me. Her face as serious as mine. "He'll be here." She said quietly, her eyes meaningful. I felt sick, obviously it showed on my hands. "He will."

I sat next to Cable and put my chin in my hands. "I think I’m making a mistake Cable. Or is it just cold feet?" I hissed it quietly enough that the other two girls didn't notice, too wrapped up in themselves.  "Sean is nice, and he treats me so well, gives me everything I need. Except . . ." I sighed, the words sticking in my throat.  "Except the butterflies and the weak knees."

Cable fiddled with the hem of her darker dress. "They say marriage doesn't really keep those things anyway."

I shrugged. "I don't think I ever did. But he's safe. And he loves me. So much."

"But" Cable eyed me seriously "not as much as you love Benny?"

Even hearing his name made my blood flare with heat and my tummy squirm. 

"Benny is . . . Special." I blinked back the tears I felt burning in my eyes. "What happened with you two?" Cable asked. 

"Our paths never lined up like they should have. We always reconnected but we managed to constantly slip away from eachother. And then he met Grace, and I took a backseat in his life. So I met Sean, and here we are."

"He still checks in about you though. He makes sure he's part of every conversation about you. He makes sure Bull sends every interesting case your way."

I looked at Cable, I could feel a tear running down my cheek. "Is she still in the picture?" She knew she shouldn't ask, but her heart was dying to know. 

Cable didn't answer me, but took a sip from her champagne. "What are you going to do"

I took a deep breath and swallowed hard. Benny was happy with Grace. I couldn’t ask him to walking away from being happy.

“I’m going to let him be happy. And I’m not going to walk away. I have been happy with Sean, I still can be. But I’ll always love Benny. I Don’t think I could ever get that piece of my heart back from him. But he’s happy, and I can’t walk away from a chance at being happy. Every girl has a fantasy life. It’ll just have to stay as that.” I wrung my hands and sniffed back my tears, stiffening my resolve.

Cable just looked at me, unconvinced.

  I stood in the doorway of the old church, with its crumbling flag stones and lines of melting candles. The unusually warm British wind blew my veil around and washed comfortingly over my cheeks. I had one had clutching my bouquet of orange roses and white lilies, and the other clinging on the crook of my dad’s arm for dear life.  He was smiling at me proudly, with adoration in his eyes.

“Are you ready poppet?” He whispered as she shuffled into the little lobby.

I battled the nausea that raged in my stomach and offered him the best mile I could muster.

I could see the whole of the church from where I was standing. The priest flicking through his prayer book, Sean in a jet black tux, stood at the front talking to his best man. I couldn’t deny he looked handsome. He always did. Sean was a doctor and was always well put together. His blond hair was neat, and stood tall and straight, the embodiment of confidence.

I could see the congregation, my friends and family, all sat chatting between themselves in hushed tones. I could see Chunk, sat with Jason and Isabelle. Izzy. Benny’s sister. My heart hurt just looking at her. And next to her was an empty space.

I shouldn’t have been surprised, He had pretty much told me categorically that although he was happy for me (through gritted teeth and the most forced smile I had ever seen), he couldn’t be there. I felt a pang of anger and despair seeing the empty seat. Let him be happy. Give yourself a chance to be loved and maybe love someone else as much.

It was now or never. I looked at my dad and nodded. “I’m ready.”

The organ started to play the wedding march and the verger signalled for me to start my walk down the aisle.

   “And so friends and family gathered here today …” I looked up at Sean, his blue eyes sparkled like the ocean as he gazed down at me lovingly. He was holding my hands as if I were made of crystal.

You can do this. You’re half way through! I told myself, and smiled back at my husband to be, hoping the expression did not look too fake.

The priest had commanded the congregation’s attention and they were all watching the three of us avidly. I wanted to run. To kick off these ridiculous high heels Chunk had picked, and get the hell out of the church into the air.

I wanted to see him; I wanted to see Benny. I wanted to feel the strong, stable warmth of his hugs, enveloping me in his arms, wanted to feel him press kisses to my cheeks, neck and hair. I wanted to hear him say my name in every possible tone. I wanted to hear him whisper that he loved me into my ear while we sit in the bay window of his apartment reading books by moonlight again.

And most of all, I wanted it to be his hands holding mine, his smile radiating down on me, and his heated gaze full of love watching my every move as we proclaim our love to everyone we know.

I glanced once again at the empty seat, and held in a pained sob. He really wasn’t there.

“If anyone knows any just cause or impediment, for why these two should not be wedded in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace …”

I held my breath. I this was a movie, this would be where he’d bust in and sweep me off my feet. I thought to myself. The silence was deafening. It crushed any small sliver of hope that I’d had.

Well that’s it then.

“Very well then” the priest began, opening his prayer book to find the recital of vows.

 “WAIT!”

I knew that voice. I, and the whole of the church turned back towards the doors.

The love of my life, Benny Colon was, stood at the end of the aisle, arms crossed over his chest and staring determinedly.

I could feel my heart beating in my chest, faster and faster.

He looked so good, dressed in a black three piece suit with a dark blue shirt. His hair was perfect.

“Do you have something to say, sir?” the priest asked, looking shocked.

Sean dropped my hands and rounded on Benny, his tall frame towing over him. Benny stood his ground and didn’t falter, other than his dark eyes quickly meeting mine.

“What is the meaning of this?!” Sean basically screamed.

“Well,” Benny shrugged and put his hands in his pockets, turning on the charm that he so frequently used with juries. “I thought I was ok with Y/N marrying you, after all, I was in a relationship myself, as you well know. But do you know what I couldn’t get out of my head? That I was letting you marry the love of my life. That it should have been me.”

He looked a me over Sean’s shoulder, a passion filled glint in his eye. “It always should have been me. I knew it from the day I met you. I knew one day it’d be me meeting you at the end of the aisle, I knew it would be me lounging on a beach with you for our honeymoon. Me holding your hand and loving you when we have a baby.”

I felt my cheeks heat and tears poured out of my eyes, I left the alter, running my way to him. Sean moved out of my way as I came passed, looking beyond hurt and deflated.

“I love you” Benny said to me as he caught my face between his hands, smoothing his thumbs over my cheekbones. “I love you too much to let you go.”

I smiled, looking into his beautiful eyes, and sniffed back the happy tears, clinging on to his lapels. I wanted to be close to him, to breathe in every little detail of his scent. “I love you too. My heart was breaking, I was barely keeping it together. It’s always been you Benjamin Colon, always.”

Benny smiled at me, showing off his pearly white teeth, and placed his soft lips against mine, in what started off as a chaste kiss, but quickly deepened to something more passionate.

 Sean who was watching us in disbelief made a strangled noise. Benny and I pulled apart and looked at him, both of us feeling guilty for his side of the outcome.

“I’m sorry, I can’t let you have my life.” Benny offered, wrapping his arms around my waist.

Sean looked at me in desperation “Really, Y/N, is this what you want? I thought we were happy?!”

I felt terrible for him, I did, but I also felt immense relief.

“it really is. I’m sorry Sean I really am. I would have been happy with you, and you would have loved me, but my heart …” I leaned my head against Benny’s and let me fingers glide softly across his jaw line. “Has always belonged to Benny. I would have always been happy, but never complete. I’m sorry. Please try and understand.”

“No!” Sean spat and stormed out of the church following after him, throwing Benny and I dirty looks, and chorusing his name. The heavy wooden doors banged shut behind him.

Silence filled the church as Benny and I took a second to regroup and hugged each other.

“Who doesn’t love a wedding right?!” Snickered the voice of Jason Bull, breaking the tension.

Hope you enjoy @reelovesbennycolon​

[legion1993]

title: Rebellion

Pairing: dean x reader

abo 2020 sq: alpha challenging alpha

fluff 2020 sq: thunderstorm

word count (optional):

summery: not telling

created for @spnabobingo​ @spnfluffbingo​

normal… what was normal… what did you ever know about normal… you were an alpha, your pack already had an alpha one of you had to go… 

you and Dean had been friendly rivals from the get go, but when you presented as an alpha he didnt know what to think… 

you both had to grow into the roles, reach your 21st birthdays before the council of wolves would have you both fight for the rite of Alpha, where the looser would become an omega… no two alphas can co exist in one singular pack… 

you were one of those types of wolves whose breeding had not been thourally instilled… you had always been told that you would one day have to fight for the rite to lead the pack.

 to be the one that makes all the calls for every single decision that the pack needs to make. Dean and you were hanging out the night before this tragic event would take place…

 Dean: “when you presented as an alpha i was shocked… my friend was an alpha… the girl that i have a crush on is an alpha…”

 dean now realizing what he said was now looking at you with slight amounts of plotting anad seduction written clear cross his face. he didnt want this event to take place either… 

YN: “what if you claimed me? would they still make us battle for the alpha rite?” 

Dean: “i have no idea but why would you…” 

You now were kneeling in front of him, looking straight into his eyes as he smiled… 

YN: “cause im in love with you… i cant see myself being with any one else for the rest of my life… its you Dean its always been you…” 

Dean: “what makes you think they would be okay with any of that? i mean they always taught us to be fierce and reveered… but if we told them we were in love wouldnt that technically be grounds for execution…”

 YN: “i dont care i mean if you pin me and then wait for the 5th strike of thunder, i would technically be omega and then you just claim…. wait a second… what if you claimed me during the fight like we rebel… but this would have to be done between the 2nd and 5th lightning strikes…”

 Dean pulled you into his lap and smiled as he planted a soft and gentle kiss to your lips… the idea of rebellion during this most fantastic event would go down in history as the first alphas challenge to go through rebellion… 

 staying in that grove it was peaceful not to be around everyone else… the pack was getting a little annoying what with everyone getting stuff ready and betting on who woul win the event…

 quite frankly you and Dean were quite happy being together in that grove… that is till the sky darkened… when it darkened you both werent disturbed right away but then the council guard bursted through the clearing…

 they grbbed you and Dean seperating you both from eachother dragging you guys back to the arena where the event would soon take place… you and Dean fighting the guards began immediately trying to claw your way back to eachother… but they stuck you both in the cages beside one another leaving you both alone… 

YN: “dean…” 

Dean turned his attention to you and moved closer to your cage… 

Dean: “im so sorry about this YN… if we were smart we would have ran away from all of this… self exile type thing… we could have started a pack all our own and no one would have ben able to stop us…”

 Dean was now holding your hand as you were his through the cages you both plotted schemed and trying to make sure you were on the same wave length before the guards would come back and take you both into the arena and force this ceremony upon you both… 

YN: “as long as we stick to the plan we should be good.. the plan should work…” 

Dean: “YN, what if this rebellion thing doesnt work?”

 YN: “then you need to take the rite, become the alpha… knock me out and claim the alpha spot… you deserve it more than i do…” 

Dean: “i will ensure it doesnt come to that, if we stick to the plan we will reign forever together… i will claim and mate you during this shit show if i have too… just to prove a point…” 

You smiled blushing as you both continued to hold hands trying to stay calm that is till the guards actually came through the door… they once again pulled you both away from eachother…

 ~The hardest thing to do is to be forced to fight the one you know you are meant to be with…~ 

They dragged you both in electronic chains to the arena… they tossed you both into the opening and made their ways out of the arena… it began to thunder and rain, but you got up starring at Dean who could only stare at you with love reflecting in both of your eyes… 

Dean: “we wont do it…” 

YN: “we wont participate in your sick games…”

 Dean: “this council is blinded by the traditions of old.. if they took one moment if any of you took a good look at my relationship with YN anyone would see that we love eachother and have for years… today when we were in the grove, we almost mated… we wanted to.. but if none of you are gonna listen to reason right now then maybe this will change your minds…”

 You stood to your feet as Dean did the plan now fully in motion… the chains that bonded both of your hands fell to the floor. The crowd of people who obviously not listening to reason, had to witness this entire charade to ensure that no one ever questioned you guys judgement again…

 Dean: “you wanna be alpha i dont think so…” 

YN: “your the love of my life but the rite of alpha is my birthright…” 

Dean: “bring it on babe!” 

You lunged straight at him knocking him on his ass before you could fully vault over him and land he grabbed hold of your foot and swung you to the ground, you flipped over and for the next little bit it was counting the lightning strikes… 

One strike was when you became the pinner again… strike 2 was deans dominance, strike 3 was you then when strike 4 hit, dean had you pinned he switched positions so you were on your knees and he was standing… 

 Hjs hands turned to claws, his teeth to fangs his voice deepen to the deepest you had heard it in the longest time… 

Dean: “at last i am gonna be the only alpha in this god damn fucking pack…” 

Dean pulled your head to the side exposing your neck as he was about to intact the final part of the plan… but the council members watched this play out and had a few things of their own to say… 

Council member 1: “no…” 

Council member 2: “is he gonna do it?”

 Council leader: “guards get down there and stop them…before he claims her…” 

The guards got down there but it was too late for as soon as they entered, dean sunk his fangs into your neck and claimed you… the entire council was shocked, the leader was angry, the people who had raised both of you were shocked but happy for the 2 of you… 

The guards backed away careful not to get too close for they all knew that once your claimed the one who claimed you would go wild trying to protect you… Dean pulls back as the 5th bolt strike…

 he lets out a huge earth shattering roar… this made every single omega and beta in the entire arena submitted, your body became putty in Deans arms… you were conscious but you knew who your mate was.. 

 Dean shifted back to normal, scooped you into his arms and walked both of you out of the arena and into the medical area… laying you  a bed he goes to get the first aid kit. He comes back to sit behind you to patch you up… 

 Dean: “well rhe plan worked… or so it seems…” 

YN: “i feel strange my body is reacting to your touch more than it did before…" 

Dean: “I love you YN! Now shall we go walk through the streets back to search of a place that we may soon call our own…” 

You stretch slightly still feeling strange you nod getting up back on your feet. Dean held your hand, both of you walked out of the medical area, feeling the eyes of many upon your forms. 

 The council blocked the exit from the arena… you both were not sure what to do, but if they followed the laws no one could be able to hurt either of them… 

Council leader: “you both violated the event, the sacred rite set out in the laws of our forefathers, we are ashamed but since you both want to defy the laws i guess we have no choice… either you guys send yourselves into exile or by the laws of the forefathers and marry then consummate the marriage, it would be by that act of marriage that you both would not be shunned by the entire pack… the choice is yours but your families have wanted to see you both for a little bit now… go to them and make known of your decisions to us soon…” 

Dean and you stood tall and watched the guards and council members move away from the door allowing you both to exit. You both then head to find your families. Knowing that soon your decisions would come into the light…

your mom: “we are all on the same page about what happened at the arena, but we want you both to know that whatever decision you both…”

Dean: “we love eachother very much and i think i speak for both of us when i say that we just want to make a life together for ourselves, we only did what we did during the rite cause we thought the council would see reason…”

his mom: “we know that i know you both will be very happy together… we also have something that we hope will help… we recently purchased some land close by, there is a structure on the land, the deed is in your names. Your father's are already moving in some of your stuff, and they are just finishing the glossing on the bed frame, they also got a mattress and built a bunch more furniture its the perfect place combining what the both of you are. we are all very proud of the wonderful people you both have become and really proud of how you both stood up to the council. they are steamed but once they learn of your decision things will get easier i promise...”

You hold tight to Deans hands and smile slightly as you begin to speak...

YN: “mom and mom in law if i can call you that. can we level with you slightly? we want to get used to being bonded then decide for sure what we want to do... but we know one thing for sure we will not abandon the pack...”

Dean: “YN is the best part of me as i am of her... what she has said is as it shall be.. i assume that the council grilled you guys for information after the entire ordeal... look we know that we put you guys in quite the pickle... but right now we need you guys to not tell the council any of what we have spoken... we will head out now as dads have returned, im sure you both can have them understand why we didnt stay...”

Dean winks at your moms as they nod watching you and Dean get up from your seating and walking out the back door. the most difficult part of growing up is knowing when to leave home and start a new life with someone you love.

this is exactly what you and Dean were doing... this is exactly what was happening. as you and dean followed your moms carefully laid out instructions it led you both straight to the house that your parents had put so much work into...

Dean: “the outside structure is amazing! i can see what they mean by it is a unique combination of both of us... now after you my dear...”

the last concious thought of both your minds was walking through the door of the house, everything after that was a blurr... neither of you would remember till mornings light... but thats a story for another time...

[olicitytropes]

Olicity Tropetastic Awards: Other Inspirations

One of the coolest, and most popular, things about fanfic is that you don’t have to stick to canon for inspiration. We can plop our favorite characters into almost any situation using the books, movies, and tv shows we love. Call it an alternate universe, call it a crossover, call it awesome. Our love for Arrow and for Olicity brought us together, but here are some writers who used other sources to give us the best of both worlds! 

@allimariexf’s recs:

Gotta Be Compatible - theshipsfirstmate

Magic Mike AU.

Felicity and the girls go to a strip club in Metropolis for Caitlin's bachelorette party.

**Award: Best Lost-Boy Oliver and Playing-It-Safe Felicity (who find themselves in each other!)**

Breaking All The Rules - griever11

Five letters that were never meant to be sent, two ex-friends who soon rediscover their friendship, and one fake relationship that honestly, isn't really fake at all.

Or, you can't really pretend to be dating each other when what you really want is to be really dating each other.

An Olicity AU, loosely based on To All the Boys I've Loved Before.

**Award: The Longest Mutual Pine Award**

Someone Else’s Sky - punchdrunkdoc

Oliver Queen, the Starling City Vigilante, moves out of his family home into a small apartment.

But he has an unexpected roommate.

A 'Just Like Heaven' AU

**Award: Most Brilliant and Beautiful Season 1 “What-If” (also known as: THIS FIC MADE ME CRY REAL TEARS and FEEL ALL THE THINGS)**

Baby Daddy - moreorLessJess

Bartender Oliver Queen was living his twenties to the fullest, he lived with his best friend John Diggle, and his brother in everything but blood, Tommy Merlyn just moved in to their apartment as he started his professional baseball career for the Starling City Rockets. On top of that, his childhood best friend Felicity Smoak, who was no longer goth and instead blonde and beautiful, was back in town and they were hanging out again.

Oliver thought his days were going to be filled with partying, one night stands, and boys weekends while also spending quality time with the girl everyone kept telling him he was in love with.

Until his ex girlfriend dropped a baby on his doorstep who turned out to be his son.

After a lot of thought and Felicity Smoak peptalks, Oliver decides to keep and raise his son with the help of his friends.

Or the Freeform sitcom Baby Daddy AU that no one asked for but I needed to write. Aka Oliver and Felicity are childhood friends and are hopelessly in love with eachother and everyone knows but them, oh and now they're raising a baby.

What could go wrong?

**Award: Fluffiest Childhood Friends Trope**

Absolutely, Probably - theshipsfirstmate

Oliver tells his ten-year-old daughter a story about the loves of his life.

RomCom AU based on the Ryan Reynolds movie "Definitely, Maybe" for the Arrow Summer Movie AU Challenge.

**Award: Most Achingly Beautiful Delayed-Happily-Ever-After**

The time to make up your mind about people (is never) - nashtag

Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak had a whirlwind Vegas romance—and a tornado of a divorce a year later. Two years after that, Oliver is about to marry his old flame, Laurel Lance. But when his father is caught cheating with another executive, he must let two journalists cover his wedding to preserve the family name.

Philadelphia Story/Arrow AU, with a dash of Flash crossover.

**Award: Most Heart-wrenching But Hopeful Second Chance at True Love (with a happy ending, of course)**

@tangled23works’ recs:

The Governess - @laurabelle2930

Felicity Smoak is a 22 year old Governess for the newly orphaned Thea Meryln. Thea's caregiver is the mysterious lord of Thornfield manor Oliver Queen. Based on the amazing novel by Charlotte Bronte "Jane Eyre" inspired this prompt from @lalawo1

**Award: Best Affectionate Bickering**

Welcome to the Party - @bushlaboo

Die Hard inspired AU – Oliver Queen, an SCPD officer, tries to save his wife, Felicity Smoak, and several others, taken hostage by terrorist Edward Fyers during a Christmas party at Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles. [Borrowed some dialogue from the show and the movie; it was too good to pass up.]

**Award: The Olicity/Die Hard AU I Didn’t Know I Needed But Enjoyed Immensely**

Velocity - MachaSWicket

SUMMARY: There's a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? AKA, the Olicity Speed AU.

**Award: Best ‘If you’re not leaving, I’m not leaving’ Moment That Made Me Cry**

Separate Lives - shannyfish

It was luck that Madelyn Smoak and Mackenzie Queen met at summer camp during a fencing match. Neither of them expected to pull off a mask and find a reflection of themselves staring back. But in the days that followed the girls learned that they were sisters– twins, separated by their parents. Madelyn had been raised in London with tech genius and blonde bombshell Felicity Smoak, while Mackenzie grew up with their father, Oliver Queen, the owner of Green Arrow Vineyards. When the girls devise a devious plan to switch parents, neither of them expected that what they’d really be fighting for was putting their family back together again. (Parent Trap AU)

**Award: Most Entertaining Olicity-Have-Kids-Who-Plot-Against-Them Fic**

@msbeccieboo’s recs:

Two Weeks Notice - LucyHatesJosh4Eva

Oliver Queen has a reputation as an insufferable playboy and a habit of hiring very inept, very attractive attorneys to represent his multi-billion dollar family corporation. So when an act of corporate espionage lands Felicity Smoak in his office on the heels of his last hiring debacle, her law degree and tech experience seem like the way to please his shareholders and his unhappy mother. He expects her smart mouth to cause him a huge pain in the ass; however, he doesn’t expect to trust and like her. Over time, Oliver starts to rely on Felicity for everything, and his world comes to a crashing halt when she gives her two weeks notice.

Retelling of the adorable rom com “Two Weeks Notice” starring Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant. I love this movie, and borrow some plot and some dialog with appreciation and joy. Updates on Mondays.

**Award: Most Wonderfully Frustrating ‘Just Tell Each Other How You Feel, Dammit’ Fic**

In Every Star, I See Your Face (Call Me in the Morning) - @jsevick

Felicity's new internship is full of... complications. (Grey’s Anatomy AU)

**Award: Best Olicity Playing Doctor, Literally**

Love Like Battleships - @callistawolf

Six Days Seven Nights AU - Felicity is a driven career woman on a much-needed vacation with her doting boyfriend. Oliver is a charter pilot with a history of running from complications (and his life). They clash from the start, two wrongs rubbing up against each other the wrong way. What happens when a nasty storm causes them to crash on a deserted island, alone, together?

**Award: Most Untraditional Appearance of a Trousersnake in a Fic**

Between Hello and Roses -  charmingwords23

Felicity Smoak had no idea what she was getting herself into when she signed on to be the star of the new season of The Bachelorette. With plenty of drama, adventure, heartbreak, and romance, this season promises to be the most shocking and dramatic yet!

**Award: Cheesiest (in the best way) Reality TV Olicity**

Surreal but Nice - angelica 

"After all... I'm just a guy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love him."

a.k.a.

One Wednesday, Felicity Smoak of Tech Village meets Oliver Queen, the movie star. (Notting Hill AU)

**Award: Most Adorable Bumbling Felicity**

@memcjo’s recs:

Are These Your Glasses? - IIIIRENE

When Queens Consolidated throws a masked ball for New Year's Eve, Oliver and Felicity meet for the first time. They dance all night long until Felicity mysteriously flees from the venue dropping her glasses in the process. Unfortunately Oliver never got the name of the gorgeous blonde in the emerald dress, but he has her glasses and he will stop at nothing to find her so that they can continue where they left off.

Olicity AU inspired by Cinderella

**Award: Best Olicity Fairy Tale**

How to Save a Life - witchy2008

DWTS!AU. Oliver Queen has been pushed into competing to improve his image and subsequently the QC stock prices. His professional partner, Felicity Smoak, is working on coaxing him into putting some of his ghosts to rest.

This week, Team Olicity presents Oliver's most memorable year with a contemporary dance dedicated to Shado.

**Award: Best Sexy Olicity Dancing SO Sexy**

seemingly impossible (but not untrue) - @alexiablackbriar13 

Genius historian Dr Felicity Smoak unknowingly and accidentally calls up a bewitched alchemical manuscript within the Oxford Bodleian Libraries - a book that has been lost for centuries.

Felicity wants nothing to do with magic, despite her heritage and unruly, powerful abilities. But her discovery of Ashmole 782 sets the world of creatures stirring.

With a mystery afoot and new, dangerous magical abilities manifesting for her to navigate, she is approached by the enigmatic vampire biochemist Professor Oliver Queen, who seems to have a deep interest in both the manuscript… and her.

Based on A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness.

(No knowledge of ADOW or background is needed for you to read this fic!)

**Award: Best Felicity and Oliver Being Drawn Together Against the Odds**

Move - @bushlaboo

Push inspired AU. When people with psychic abilities are discovered governments around the world setup agencies to handle and secretly experiment on these enhanced individuals, one such agency is ARGUS. They're testing a powers boosting drug, Mirakuru, which will allow them to build the most powerful psychic army in the world. The only thing standing in their way is the vision of world’s most powerful Watcher who set in place the means to allow her daughter to foil their plan over a decade ago.

**Award: Best BAMF Felicity Smoak**

@smoaking-greenarrow’s recs:

How To Train Your Vigilante - @alexiablackbriar13

In a world where dragons exist and roam the earth, Felicity Smoak considers herself to be a normal if not slightly nerdy IT girl, with complicated family issues, a fascination with the winged predators and a slight ‘saving people’ complex. Her entire world changes when she meets Oliver, the infamous deadly Night Fury - and a genetic experiment - who flies around Starling City taking down criminals.

Their partnership will be one that rocks the world. 

(How To Train Your Dragon AU)

**Award: The ‘Oliver as Toothless is Brilliant and Spot-on’ Award**

The Big Catch - @nodecaff4me

The lives of Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak could not be more different.

He was an infamous billionaire playboy and heir to a fortune 500 company who did everything he could to reform himself into everything his family wanted him to be. She was a struggling single mother of two girls, doing her best she could do get her family through after her whole life in Boston had fallen apart in the aftermath of her ex-husband’s criminal mischiefs.

Both their worlds collide after his yacht’s Wifi-network collapses somewhere along the Oregon coast and he is forced to harbor in a small sleepy town called Elk Cove and hire an IT specialist to fix it only to refuse to pay her for her work in the end.

All bets are off when she learns that he was laying in the county hospital with amnesia after an accident and she could finally get her revenge...

An #Olicity Overboard AU (WIP)

**Award: The ‘I’ve Never Seen This Movie but This Fic is Everything I Need’ Award**

Stones of Time - arrow_through_my_writers_block

AU. Felicity Smoak is halfway across the world on a mission to recover the rumored mystical waters known as the Lazarus Pit. But when fate tosses her back in time and into the company of rogue League of Assassins members, she's caught up in a dangerous game of cat and mouse... soon falling for the mysterious Al-Sah-him, otherwise known as Oliver Queen. Will she find a way back to her time, or will love and adventure keep her in the past to possibly change the future? *inspired by Outlander

**Award: The ‘Perfect Fic for Your (my) Arrow and Outlander Obsessions’ Award and a Bonus ‘Fangirl Swoon’ Award for Al-Sah-him**

Fate, Luck, and Tequila - Emilyymay_x

The Olicity AU based on the film 'Just My Luck'

Oliver is a billionaire playboy with all the luck in the world.

Felicity Smoak is an excellent IT assistant at Queen Consolidated, with the most rotten luck ever.

When they meet at a masquerade party, they have no idea how much the tables will turn.

**Award: The ‘Better Than the Movie’ Award**

Werewolves and Vigilantes - Emilyymay_x

When Felicity finds out who her father is, and finds out he lives in Beacon Hills with his son, Felicity has to go and meet them. Little does she expect the crazy in Starling to be ten times worse in Beacon Hills... a whole new level in fact… (Teen Wolf inspired)

**Award: The ‘Best Combination of TV Shows Crossover’ Award**

Let us always find each other (in every world, in every story) - imgoingtocrash

Instead of asking Felicity to work on the ATOM Exosuit, Ray brings Felicity on to help him create a device that allows the user to theoretically travel to parallel universes. When Ray turns the theoretical into reality by stealing one of the prototypes and attempting to find his dead wife at the cost of ruining other universes, Felicity follows him. What begins as an attempt to stop her boss from going places he doesn’t belong turns into a realization that some people will always find a way to be together, no matter what.

A Thousand Pieces of You inspired AU, but no book knowledge is required.

**Award: My New Favorite ‘Exploring Other Universes Fic’ Award**

@blondeeoneexox’s recs:

Kerosene and Desire - @smoaking-greenarrow 

An Olicity Notebook AU with a darker twist.

**Award: Most Intense, Sweet, Topsy-Turvy, Beautiful Notebook AU (With the Best Cliffhanger!)**

Home is Where the Heart is - CSM

AU. This fic is loosely based on the movie Sweet Home Alabama. Puppy love is for fairytales and storybooks, they don't exist in the real world and all Oliver wants is for her to sign on the dotted line, a clear cut divorce. But being married to the most stubborn woman in the world and their equally opinionated mothers, Oliver knows this trip back home is going to be anything but easy.

**Award: Most Sass-Filled, Funny, Romantic Olicity AU**

Where You Lead (I Will Follow) - @jsevick

Oliver Queen’s careful routine at the diner he owns is disrupted by Stars Hollow’s newest residents, a single mom and her young daughter searching for a new life--and his own simple life will never be the same. (Gilmore Girls AU)

**Award: The Slowest of Slow Burns That I Wish We Could Have More Of!**

The Sound of an Arrow - thecomebackkids99

Five years ago, Oliver Queen lost his wife in a car accident.

Twenty years ago, Felicity Smoak's father kissed her on the forehead and disappeared from her life.

Now, she is the nanny for the six adorable Queen children, fighting to restore love in the mansion and trying to deal with the difficult-to-get-along-with Oliver, all the while as she continues to stumble upon evidence that could drag the Queen family further into darkness. (The Sound Of Music AU)

**Award: Most Emotional Rollercoaster**

Felicity the Virgin - javajunkie

When Felicity is accidentally artificially inseminated with hotel mogul Oliver Queen's sperm, her life changes in more ways than she could have ever imagined. Jane The Virgin - OLICITY STYLE AU

**Award: Most Beautiful Acquaintances to Friends to Lovers to Family Fic**

[ziracona]

Give us dem sweet Philip headcanons

AYYYY I’d love to! Sorry this took 90 years--I had a /whole bunch/ to get done today, but it was super fun to wind down finally by doing them. ^u^

Realm/Pre-realm Philip Ojomo headcanons:

Philip really likes cats, but he’s the kind of person that cats love to bite. He’s actually got a pretty high success rate with animals liking him, but he also almost always gets chomped by cats (probably at least some of the time because he’s gigantic & that instills a little fear before they get to know him).

Philip and Isa (or Isaiah—it is not uncommon for people from Nigeria [and many other places] to have two names—a traditional name, and then a westernized one. In Isa’s case, Isa is what his family would call him, but his name when applying to jobs or school would be Isaiah. Philip refers to him as Isaiah when speaking to survivors in-fic, and Isa when writing or talking to himself) were extremely close. Philip is the older sibling, but by just a bit under two years, so they’re almost the same age. Philip was always a bit more calm and less impulsive, more okay but let’s think it through first one, and Isa the charming and let’s go do it! kind of motivated, but they had personalities that meshed pretty well and had a lot of fun doing things together as boys, and were still very close as adults. They were each others’ best friends, and got into all kinds of dumb shit as kids. It was great. Isa is also the only person who ever knew Philip is not straight, because it is super not safe to not be straight where & when he was. That was nice for Philip, because Isa both didn’t care at all, and would joke with him about it when no one else was around, and made all of having to hide that a lot less distressing for Philip. A good bro.

I think I’ve probably touched on this a little before, but the reason the Entity is able to mess Philip up so much when it cannot control and warp other killers or survivors to the same extent, at least without badly damaging them, is that Philip gave himself to it. While it obviously can influence and warp anyone it has, it usually has to damage both their body and their sanity to get them to do it, while Philip offers the option of a tool that can be more delicately wielded. Even with all its power, there are some limits to what the Entity can and cannot do to someone, but with Philip, since it showed up pretending to be a God there to save him, and he believed it, and made a pact, he basically gave a massively powerful demon control over himself. If he is conscious for any of being possessed/altered, it is very painful and extremely traumatic to experience. Philip has no intact memories of this, because the Entity did not want him to remember the extent to which it could force him to do things, but those are some of the worst things that ever happened to him, and he has residual emotional trauma memory of that even if he wouldn’t understand his own reaction to things that reminded him of events he can’t recall anymore.

Philip was very lonely in America. He did not have friends at work, or anywhere, really. They all kept to themselves. The closest he got was neighbors once. When he moved to a two-flat first, there was a Hispanic family next door. They did not share a common language beyond basic greetings, but the family had a little girl who Philip was almost friends with. He was drinking a beer on his porch one night, and she was playing outside with her brother and a ball, and missed a catch and the ball fell on his porch, and the kids were both kind of afraid because he was extremely tall and big, but he smiled at them and waved and tossed the ball back, and they went inside once they got the ball, but the little girl stuck her head back out the door and smiled and waved at him too. They saw eachother off and on for weeks, him going to work or drinking something on his porch or getting home. They always waved and sometimes she would have a picture or something she was working on and hold it up for him to see, and he would say it was nice and give her a thumbs up, or she’d throw a ball once and he’d toss it back on his way to his car. Then after about two months, he came back from work one day and the whole family was just gone. Evicted, he found out later. And he never saw any of them again.

It was really hard for Philip to get accustomed to working for the Entity, even though he totally bought that what he was doing was inflicting justice on people who had earned a slot there. When he was new, the Entity had to exert a lot of effort into fucking up his perception of things, or be careful who it gave him in trials, because even thinking he was hunting bad people, if someone cried and begged him on their knees at his feet, it was not easy at all for Philip to hurt them. He does not remember this very well, because the Entity fogged up his memories of that so he wouldn’t reflect on them and feel guilt and maybe find problematic conclusions. (This was before it came up with erasing memories as a thing to do to him, which it did not begin to do until after Philip’s time with Alex, Benedict, and Vigo).

Philip likes rain, but does not like anything loud enough to possibly be an explosion (fireworks, some storms, etc), because he spent some of his childhood in active war zones. It initiates fight-flight panic response. Experiencing the 4th of July with no real warning in America for the first time was hell.

Philip has been in love just once. He never got over it. But he doesn’t regret it either. He remembers it fondly, as much as he can. It was very important to him.

Being invisible is really cool. Philip experimented a lot with that when he was new to the realm, and it was a source of enjoyment and wonder that softened the blow of being there for him a little. Light-burn is not a blast, and super sucks and feels like sticking a fork into a light plug, but he still really enjoys being able to go invisible as he travels via the Spirit World. Philip personally always thought his special ability was the best one, and would not have wanted to trade anyone else. Supremely cool magic, and useful, requiring strategy and thought, but also one that does not inherently exist only to cause suffering. He thought Lisa’s was the second-best, and also extremely fascinating (Sally’s ranks lower because hers is painful to use).

When he was new to the realm, it was even more oppressively lonely than before, and finally Philip tried in desperation to get to know some of the other killers he was allowed to interact with, but it went poorly. After his first attempts, he didn’t really try again. He did notice, though, after a while, that some of the killers were very different than others. Sometimes if Anna’s realm was close to his, he would go invisible and get as close as he could to her home, so that he could hear her sing and watch her chop firewood or carve masks or practice with her hatchets, because it was so close to at least the kind of relationships he’d had before, where you would share space comfortably with a neighbor, even if you never spoke, and even though it wasn’t real and she didn’t chase him off because she didn’t know he was there, it made him feel better and less completely alone.

[hellcures]

𝗌𝖺𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝖾 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗅𝖽   ;   𝚊    𝑆𝐴𝑀   &   𝐿𝐴𝑁𝐴   𝚜𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚘𝚗    𝟿   𝚖𝚒𝚡.    (   ft.   @racointeur​​.  ) 

𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞.  both  perspectives.  serves  as  an  introduction  to  the  storyline,  as  well  as  the  title  of  the  mix.  it  references  them  properly  reconnecting  after  lana  moves  in  full-time  to  the  bunker  in  order  to  work  with  the  brothers  to  take  abaddon  down,  as  well  as  everything  that  entails  —  vulnerability,  growing  attachment,  them  relying  on  eachother  regarding  their  respective  scars  (  lana’s  fear  of  failure  avenging  her  parents,  sam’s  aftermath  of  the  trials  +  gadreel’s  possession ),  the  looming  threat  of   heartbreak  if  that  happened  to  be  ripped  away  from  them,  and  ultimately?  the  dare  to  keep  loving  eachother  anyway.

𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐮𝐞 𝐦𝐞.  lana’s  perspective.   takes  place  once  she’s  joined  team  free  will,  and  not  only  have  they  discovered  dean  needs  to  take  on  the  mark,  but  lana  realizes  her  initial  plan  to  turn  abaddon  human  with  her  blade  might  be  the  end  of  her,  as  it  takes  its  power  from  earthly  magic  and  her  legacy  blood   —  however,  she  doesn’t  tell  sam  or  anyone  about  this,  and  her  worst  nightmare  of  not  being  good  enough  for  the  mission  she’s  been  gearing  up  for  most  her  life  becomes  reality.   filled  with  anxious  self-doubt,  innerly  screaming  and  gasping  for  help,  lana  keeps  her  realization  to  herself  and  instead  convinces  sam  to  get  to  abaddon  before  dean  does,  so  he’ll  be  freed  from  the  burden  of  the  mark.

𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫 𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠.  sam’s  perspective.  a  reflection  of  lana  and  sam’s  evolution  as  a  team,  following  the  trail  of  abbadon’s  soul-snatching  mission  to  build  herself  an  army  around  the country.  for  the  first  time  in  a  while,  hopeful  odds  are  lingering  in  the  air,  and  neither  sam  or  lana  are  holding  back  to  make  good  on  those  odds   —  even  if  they  know  in  the  back  of  their  minds  they’re  getting  too  close  for  their  own  good,  both  to  abaddon  and,  most  importantly,  to  eachother.

𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫.  both  perspectives.  sam  finds  that  lana  hasn’t  been  entirely  transparent  with  her,  as  she  drives  off  in  the  middle  of  the  night  and  lies  about  where  she’s  really  going   —   lawrence’s  cemetery,  which  sam  figures  out  due  to  it  being  the  anniversary  of  her  parents’  death.  he  can’t  understand  why  she’s  pulling  away  when  he’s  right  there  for  her,  and  as  he  goes  to  find  her,  he  asks  her  to  let  him  in  next  time  she’s  struggling  inside,  like  he’d  do  her.  this  is  followed  by  sam’s  fallout  with  dean,  in  which  lana  asks  sam  to  not  hide  the  pain  and  difficult  feelings  this  stirs,  and,  only  in  her  head,  she  wonders  if  now  that  it  seems  like  the  right  time  they  could  cross  the  line  of  facing  the  years  of  unspoken  confessions  between  them  together.

𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐤.  lana’s  perspective.  pretty  self-explanatory  in  the  sense  that  she  knows  she’s  a  ticking  timebomb,  because  she  can  feel  the  impatience  and  frustration  build  up  inside  her  as  time  goes  on  and  she  comes  to  accept  the  magnitude  of  what  her  secret  hole  in  her  plan  entails.  however,  she’s  still  able  to maintain  a  cool  head,  as  she  now  has  a  very  important  asset  she  used  to  long  for  —  sam  there  to  catch  her  if  she  falls,  and  so  she  manages  to  push  her  deprecating  thoughts  aside  and  to  honor  their  vow  of  partnership  and  full-disclosure.  almost  full-disclosure,  anyway.

𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞.  sam’s  perspective.  after  their  first  failed  attempt  to  execute  their  plan  on  abaddon,  and  therefore  them  being  on  her  radar  even  moreso  than  before,  lana’s  attempts  to  act  like  the  encounter  didn’t  affect  her  deeply  are  in  vain,  as  sam  knows  her  too  good  to  actually  believe  it.  the  shame,  the  terror  not  to  be  good  enough,  to  have  fallen  too  far  to  love,  even  —  it’s  all  right  there  in  her  eyes,  and  they  have  a  heart  to  heart  about  all  she’s  been  shoving  down  and  not  allowing  herself  to  process.  while  she  tries  to  believe  all  the  words  he  says,  she  can’t.  not  that  night,  anyway.

𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐲.   both  perspectives.  a  calm  moment  amidst  the  storm,  few  nights  later,  after  a  very  much  appreciated  win,  succeeding  in  saving  a  group  of  teenagers  from  being  recruited  by  one  of  abaddon’s  lap-dogs  to  give  up  their  souls  back  in  topeka.   after  shortly  passing  through  their  senior  prom,  lana  puts  on  some  music  in  the  bunker  out  of  nostalgia  for  her  own  when  she  thought  sam  was  heading  off  for  some  shut-eye,  but  instead,  he  asks  her  for  a  dance,  make  up  for  lost  time,  and  so  once  she  wraps  her  head  around  the  idea  he’s  being  serious,  she  obviously  agrees.  i  won’t  drag  this  on  and  i’ll  just  say  that  the  lyrics  are  quite  fitting  to  all  they’ve  been  going  through  and  all  they  won’t  directly  say  to  eachother  okay,  okay.

𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟𝐟.  lana’s  perspective.  however,  paradise  in  their  little  bubble  doesn’t  last  forever,  and  as  the  stakes  keep  getting  higher  and  the  end  of  the  line  comes  nearer  and  nearer,  doubt  turns  into  recklessness,  and  at  this  point,  she  isn’t  looking  for  a  salvation  or  a  safe  haven,  all  she  wants  is  to  get  the  job  done,  and  find  peace  in  that,  whatever  it  takes.  (  in the free fall i will realize i'm better off when i hit the bottom.  )

𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲.  sam’s  perspective.  the  beginning  of  the  end.  (  hear your voice on the phone, and my heart just died when you said you're not going home.  where are you, are you safe?  )  lana  goes  solo  to  check  out  a  lead  that  came  out  of  nowhere,  argumenting  it’s  just  a  quick  follow-up,  but  truth  is  she’s  gotten  too  ambitious  and  impatient  as  well  as  careless,  and  deep  down,  she  believes  this  is  her  fight  and  shouldn’t  be  dragging  sam  into  it  for  safety  anymore.  he  isn’t  convinced  by  this  and  reinforces  the  idea  she  doesn’t  have  to  go  run  away  and  deal  with  things  on  her  own,  and  as  she  tells  him  where  she’s  headed,  a  crash  is  heard  on  that  end  of  the  line.

𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐲.  lana’s  perspective.  the  flash  of  a  cheshire  smile  hit  her retina, an  eerily familiar  silhouette  lingering  in  her  rearview  mirror  right  before  the  consequences  for  all  the  barking  up  on  all  the  right  trees  she’d  been  doing  the  last  few  months  came  a-knocking.  abaddon  had  set  out  a  trap  for  her,  and  she’d  fallen  right  into  it.  she  soon  lost  control  of  her  car,  steering  wheel  violently  swerving  and  resulting  in  a  couple  overturns  before  the  car  landed  back  on  the  road.  blurred  vision  was  blinded  by  the  shine  of  her  own  headlights,  the  ringing  in  her  ears  slowly  fading,  as  the  woman  who  ordered  her  life  destroyed   parsimoniously   walked  her  way  towards  her  shattered  windshield.   it  was  at  the  sight  of  a  weapon  that  lana  pulled  out  hers  and  shot  a  devil’s  trap  bullet  at  her,  before  abaddon  beat  her  to  pulling  the  trigger.  then,  a  much  more  comforting  silhouette  was  revealed,  and  suddenly,  she  felt  her  body  being  pulled  out  of  the  car,  and  she  knew  everything  would  be  okay.  despite  not  being  sure  deserving  it  to  be  after  what  she’d  just  done

𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞.  sam’s  perspective.  when  he  gets  off  the  car,  first  thing  he  hears  is  a  gunshot,  and  first  thing  he  sees,  is  lana  inside  her  wrecked  car.  a  fear  of  loss  he  hadn’t  felt  in  decades  crept  in,  and  so  he  ran  to  where  she  was  stranded,  only  to  see  she  hadn’t  been  the  one  receiving  the  bullet   —  he  knew  relief  would  be  short-lived,  'cause  despite  looking  back  and  seeing  abaddon  had  dropped  on  one  knee  and  fled,  the  battle  was  only  going  to  be  uphill  now,  but  right  now  all  he  could  think  about  was  getting  lana  to  the  bunker  safe  and  sound,  in  spite  of  how  scared  he  was  she’d  been  hasty  enough  to  let  something  like  that  happen.  

𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧.  both  perspectives.  once  the  adrenaline  from  the  accident  wears  off,  a  conversation  to  address  what  just  went  down  is  initiated,  and  it  isn’t  a  peaceful  one  at  that.  as  much  as  lana  realizes  she’s  made  a  huge  mistake  and  had  a  bit  of  a  wake-up  call  as  for  how  little  of  a  team  player  she’s  been  in  service  of  vengeance,  having  that  be  the  end  of  it  isn’t  an  option  anymore  after  sam  saw  her  almost  die  in  that  car.  the  situation’s  spun  out  of  control,  and  he’s  desperate  to  have  her  pull  her  act  together,  but  right  now,  she  isn’t  a reliable  partner.  this  leads  to  a  discussion  in  which  both  admit  to  some  hurtful  wrongdoings,  such  as  sam  turning  a  blinder  eye  than  he  could’ve  to  previous  red  flags  in  service  of  how  good  it  felt  to  have  their  relationship  grow  as  it  was,  and  lana  not  being  honest  about  the  risks  of  her  using  the  blade,  as  well  as  her  ultimate  disregard  to  said  risks.  sam  feels  that’s  incredibly  detrimental,  not  to  say  selfish,  considering  she  knew  how  integral  she’d  become  to  their  lives again,  but  specially  his.   lana  knows  he’s  right,  but  at  the  same  time,  she  let  this  overwhelming  sense  of  duty  wash  over  her,  and  she  felt  more  a  soldier  than  anyone  worthy  of  the  affection  he  was  describing.  they  both  realize  they’ve  gotten  way  too  close  to  one  another,  and  so  it’s  all  left  in  a  sour  note,  whether  they  could  go  back  to  the  way  they’d  been  or  come  back  from  this  remaining  unclear.

𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞.  both  perspectives.  silent  treatment,  basically.  the  full  gang  is  reunited,  sam  told  dean  about  the  fault  in  lana’s  plan,  and  so  they  go  back  to  figuring  out  another  way.  lana  is  still  around,  but  sam  and  her  haven’t  properly  spoken  since  their  fight  and  so  they  just  linger  around,  telling  themselves  it’s  better  that  way,  but  really,  having  no  clue  what  the  odds  to  being  alone  really  are.

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥.  lana’s  perspective.   ultimately,  abaddon  is  cut  up  and  buried  with  the  devil’s  trap  bullet  inside  her,  and  the  boys  hand  her  over  to  lana  to  fulfill  what  she’s  been  longing  and  preparing  herself  to  do  her  entire  hunting  life.  the  weight  of  a  decade  lifts  off  her  shoulders,  and  the  second  she  drives  her  blade  into  abbadon’s  heart  to  make  her  human,  justice  for  her  family  is  conquered.  after  she  has  her  little  heart-to-heart  with  abaddon  and  that  chapter  of  her  life  is  done,  she realizes  just  how  buried  in  her  desire  for  fair  resolution  she’s  been,  and  how  she  lost  the  single  most  valuable  person  in  her life  —  and  she  refuses  that  to  be  how  the  story  ends,  even  if  that  means  her  doing  what  she  hasn’t  had  the  guts  to  in  fifteen  years.   (  i was born to tell you i love you, and i am torn to do what i have to, to make you mine.  stay with me tonight.  )

𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝.  lana’s  perspective.  knuckles  knock  on  bedroom’s  door,  her  feet  heavier  than  ever  before  as  she  sets  out  to  confess  what’s  been  inside  her  heart  for  as  long  as  she  can  remember,  very  aware  of  the  fact  she  won’t  come  back  out  to  that  corridor  the  same  she  entered,  whatever  his  answer  was.   it  was  clear  to  lana  after  putting  to  bed  the  war  that’d  kept  her  going  for  the  entirety  of  her  adult  life,  she’d  have  to  take  a  step  back  and  reassess  the  choices  she’d  made  as  well  as  the  choices  she  had  yet  to  take,  choose  what  she  wanted  her  path  to  be  from  then  on.  and  so  she  realized  there  was  another  battle  that’d  kept  her  going  when  nothing  else  would,  and  that  was  sam.  no  matter  how  much  she  tried  to  only  see  him  as  her  best  friend,  because  she  knew  that’s  probably  what  he  wanted  her  to  do,  he  wasn’t  just  that  —  he  was  her  soulmate.  she  carried  him  with  her  everywhere  she  went,  he  made  her  want  to  be  a  better  person,  and  he  knew  her  better  than  anyone  else.  she  was  aware  of  his  reservations  towards  romantic  feelings,  which  were  well-founded,  but  there  were  two  alternatives;  either  leave  for  a  while  to  figure  out  what  her  life  looked  like  without  him,  or  figuring  out  what  it  looked  like  with  him.  the  choice  was  his  to  make.

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲.  sam’s  perspective.  which  would  weigh  more   —   fear  of  another  loss  at  the hands  of  his  seemingly  cursed  kiss,  or  watching  her  walk  away?  taking  a  chance  on  love,  or  having  lana  gone  by  his  own  decision?

𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐮𝐬: 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞.   a  more  modern  take  on  what  their  final  take-me-or-leave-me  situation  could’ve  looked  like,  as  the  night  abaddon  turned  human  was  the  last  night  of  lana’s  past  life,  and  it  was  sam’s  too,  as  life  as  he  knew  it  with  lana  around  was  heavily  jeopardized  now  that  she’d  reached  her  goal.  both  feel  at  a  crossroads,  and  acknowledge  they  used  eachother  for  support  and  solace,  as  well  as  not  opening  up  completely  to  one  another.  if  lana  could  make  herself  feel  platonically  for  him,  she  would,  and  if  sam  could  leave  aside  his  endless  second-guessing  on  his  happiness,  he  would   —   but  will  they  ever?

[readandwritesilver]

can we just,,,,,, can everyone shut up with the debbie discourse for two seconds because i have had a Thought while sitting on my bed and analyzing her character,,,,,,,

you know the scene on the porch around the end of season ten (i think its 10.11, but i could be wrong) where her and sandy are teasing carl about his “undercover cop” thing,,,,, ok so bear with me for a second right these are the ramblings of whatever the gender neutral term for madman is,,,,

ok so like that scene makes me think of something. i already brought up the parallels between both sabbie/dandy (imo dandy is cuter but sabbie seems more popular) and s1-3 gallavich, as well as the parallels between sandy and debbie individually in s1-3 in this post. i go into a lot more detail but the summary of it is that debbie and sandy, both individually and in their relationship, reflect what gallavich could have been in the early seasons but didnt have the chance to, mainly because of one terry milkovich.

(cutting this because its fucking LONG man, sorry. i get really fired up about the parallels in this show because like,,, not to compliment the writing on shameless but they kinda make me go a little feral)

so, anyways, the porch scene.

throughout the first five seasons, all the way up until she leaves, we see glimpses at the dynamic of mickey, mandy, and ian as a group. but it’s never really allowed to thrive, first because of mickey, and then because on k*nyatta.

the reason k*nyatta interfered with mandy’s relationships with the two of them don’t really need to be explained. he was an abusive and manipulative peice of shit, end of story. but i want to look more at s1-3, where mickey was the one preventing it.

i think that in his head, ian was separate from everything else. ian was essentially his escape, even if he would never even admit it to himself (though he actually does admit it, to some degree, after yev’s christening in 4.11). notice how reluctant he is to let any part of what he has with ian interact with his family in any way, how when he’s with both mandy and ian at the same time (or, honestly, with any other human being and ian at the same time) he essentially pretends ian doesn’t exist, how he freaks out when ian makes any kind of effort to hang out with him but invites him to stay over the SECOND his family is out of town.

there are practical reasons for this, and the biggest one rhymes with berry bilkovich, but part of it is also that i think mickey needs to let ian be his own. anyone that grew up with abusive/manipulative parents (and this isn’t just me projecting, ive had this conversation with other people from shitty homes that have agreed) can tell you that, essentially, nothing is your own as soon as your abuser knows about it. it becomes fuel to their fire. and i think that mandy (and the rest of his siblings, as he clearly had a relationship with them, even if it was different than it was with her) were an extension of this. again, there are obviously practical reasons for this in that he had no way of knowing whether he could trust them (though it seems unlikely ian never told mickey mandy knew he was gay.) and there was a reasonable chance he would have been in just as much danger as if his dad found out, but i think this was only part of his reasoning.

so, going back to sandy, debbie, and carl.

i think that the three of them are an important addition to everything i already went over with dandy/sabbie and gallavich. obviously sandy isn’t really in season ten very much, and most of her time is spent with mickey dealing with wedding stuff and debbie is in no way involved (with the exception of the one time sandy texts her about franny,). but in the scenes that she does have with debbie, like i said in my last post, sandy is already at the point that mickey is after a lot of work, despite their (theoretically) reasonable age gap. yes,  there are practical reasons for this from a show-running perspective and yes we don’t know much about her pre-s10, i’m aware of all of this, but it’s not really relevant. the point is that sandy is clearly already comfortable with her family (mainly mickey, but she also point blank says to terry & several random milkoviches that she’s gay and receives no reaction, meaning it isn’t news) knowing not just about her sexuality, but also about her and debbie. sure, she never has a conversation of any kind with anyone about debbie, but, not only do they dance together at the wedding, but they have sex in 10.11 in an old, shitty house with most likely very thin walls with everyone there. also the bowtie scene, while it’s technically only them, once again theoretically happens in the kitchen of a house with other people in it.

ok, so, now that i’ve rambled for far too long, the porch scene.

i ADORE this scene. i think it sets up a fucking wonderful dynamic that i hope in my heart of hearts isn’t forgotten in s11. sandy telling carl he smells like shit and that he’s “not a very good [undercover cop]”, carl calling her “milk”, the three of them sharing the joint, it’s poetic cinema. and the fact that the pivotal moment in debbie and sandy’s (until that point) casually flirty relationship happens right after? i have a lot of problems with the writing on shameless because of how they handle the way that certain stories progress, but this scene is one of the things that i fucking love about the writing on this show. it’s one scene that’s, like, three minutes max and here i am rambling on for paragraphs about it. we already see an easy relationship building between the three of them, and it has a lot of potential to go even further.

so, this is all kind of building on my original post. but we’re seeing them, pretty much immediately, get a dynamic that mickey, ian, and mandy could have had, but were denied because of circumstances totally out of their control. granted, sandy and carl aren’t really friends yet, but we’ve been shown time and time again that gallaghers and milkoviches are kind of just drawn to eachother, so i don’t think it’s a reach at all (especially if sandy is still hanging around in s11, which i think she probably will be, between mickey and debbie) to say theres a reasonable chance it could happen.

obviously there’s no equivalent to lip in this situation, and i suppose they could just introduce a random milkovich for carl, but i honestly wouldn’t want that. to be fair, they managed to do start a decent romance with debbie and sandy pretty quickly, but i just feel like it would come off as forced and/or rushed. besides the fact that, as much as i loved lip and mandy together, and have always loved lip as a character, he honestly never really fit into the dynamic all that well. there wasn’t even a particular reason why he never worked as a part of the little group at any stage, he just didn’t, (which is fine).

TL;DR: Sandy, Debbie, and Carl could (either in s11 or post-canon, though i think the latter is more likely) become something similar to the sweet little “two of us are banging, two of us are siblings, and two of us are best friends” group that mandy, mickey, and ian never got the chance at, and i think it’s pretty damn neat.

[jeonchristineimnida]

Taehyung - I Need You

Genre: angst, oneshot

Warning: break up

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Word count: 3491

Masterlist

A/N: I kinda based this one shot from their song I need you. The feels when I wrote this tho, imagining it happening for real. I mean, can you imagine if their songs have this kind of history behind it? bfsdghufhsf :”<

“Taehyung ah” Yoongi called out the younger who was lost in his thoughts. He thinks it was just the first time Yoongi called him, but it was actually the fifth time already.

“Yes, hyung?” He snapped out of it and stood up, walking towards the hyung that called his attention.

“Do you think you can help us with some lyrics here?” Yonggi asked, opening the door to their workroom. Taehyung saw the messy work table with papers and pen scattered. Sticky notes were pressed on the monitors with key words on the, “We’re kinda lacking in this area in the pre-chorus part.” Yoongi explained and the younger one nodded, only on thing in mind.

Y/N

“It’s about being unable to let go of her, even if it hurts already, right hyung?” Taehyung confirmed.

“Well yeah, it’s like when—“ the elder got cut off when the younger started talking.

“It’s okay, hyung. I understand it very well.” He sighed, sitting on the couch as he grabbed a pen and started thinking, letting the melody play in the background.

It wasn’t that hard for him to look for some inspiration. After all, he’s going through something painfully similar.

“I was thinking maybe we can have two contradicting voice here.” Taehyung says, going over the computer to the part where Yoongi asked for help as recorded the first part, then the next.

I’m sorry (I hate you), I love you (I hate you), Forgive me

Is this the time I let you go?

Why am I even holding on when you clearly want to go already.

Why am I even torturing myself?

Thoughts such as these preoccupied Taehyung’s mind.

“Hyung I’ll just go to the convenience store.” Taehyung said, standing up as he left the workroom, also leaving his hyung quite worried.

Taehyung grabbed a face mask and his hat before starting towards the door. He left the dorm in silence. He wasn’t the normal Taehyung his members were used to. He was too quiet and was always spacing out. Even if the other members wanted to know, he won’t say anything.

He was staring at the floor as he walked down the quiet streets of Seoul. It was past midnight and most of the people are in their respective homes, taking a rest. He entered the convenience store and went straight to the drinks station, staring off into the glass mirror.

“… I think it’s cool. Don’t you think so too, Y/N?” Taehyung asked. They were in the same convenience store where they usually hang out late at night. There were only a few people who come in, and it’s been helpful ever since Bangtan started gaining attention and fame. Taehyung excitedly looked over to his girlfriend beside him, obviously not listening as her thoughts were preoccupied with something he’d always want to know yet was always shut away from him.

This wasn’t the first time it happened.

“Y/N?” He asked again, taking her hand when she flinched by his sudden action. She looked at him and forced a smile, shaking her head lightly as she slides her hands off of his. A simple gesture that caused an ache in Taehyung’s chest.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault.” Y/N said, looking down. Giggles were heard from the entrance and they found a couple displaying their affection freely, holding hands as they laugh without having to hide anything.

Taehyung looked over to Y/N once again with sorrowful eyes, wanting to give all the love that he can give, but he couldn’t. It was hurting him, seeing his girlfriend look at the couple longingly, knowing it was what she want, heck what anyone would want, but it just couldn’t happen in his situation.

Not when they aren’t well established yet in the industry.

“Hey…” Taehyung said softly, taking Y/N’s attention back. Even without words, Y/N was able to see through the gaze of her boyfriend infront of him, apologizing and feeling bad, not for what he did but for what he couldn’t do. She shook her head and smiled.

“It’s okay. Do you want some banana milk or yogurt drink?” She asks, holding his hand as she pulled him towards the refrigerator area.

As they got there, she lets go of his hand while she looks for the drinks. Taehyung took a step forward, intending to hug her from behind when someone recognized him.

“Omo! It’s Kim Taehyung from Bangtan!” A girl squealed and he took a step away from y/n. He interacted with the fan, trying to get as much distance as he could with y/n.

y/n took a drink, paid it and left. Just like how they discussed if ever Taehyung gets recognized: act as if you don’t know eachother.

He took a selca with the fan and had a small talk before he politely excused himself. He hurried out of the store, but to his dismay, y/n was already gone.

Taehyung received a text which says:

I’m sorry I went ahead. You take care on your way home, alright? -Y/N

And that was the last time she talked to him, leaving Taehyung in pain for a week.

Taehyung sighed, taking a banana milk in hand as he head over to the cashier to pay. HIs phone vibrated and even if he denies it, he was still silently wishing it was y/n who has messaged him. Sadly, it was his manager that sent a message, asking him to head back to the dorm as soon as he could because they have something to discuss as a team with the other members.

Sighing, Taehyung made his way to the dorm with his heavy heart.

.

.

.

“Okay, let’s wrap it up with this.” Their manager says, standing up as their meeting ended almost 3 in the morning. “Since your title track is almost done, I’m giving you a day off. Rest first and refuel before you start working on anything else. We don’t want you burnt out this early.” He says, and the members bowed and thanked him before he left.

Everyone relaxed into the sofas, smiling as they think of having a rest day for themselves. Yoongi told the others not to bother him as he sleeps but the members didn’t say anything, knowing that he’d work himself until dawn and have a sleep for an hour before they start their practices the next day. Namjoon called his mother to schedule some bonding time with his family, like Hoseok and Jin. Jimin laughed at the pouting maknae who’ll be taking an exam on their ‘rest day’.

“What will you do tomorrow, Tae?” Hoseok asked, sitting beside the gloomy lad in attempt to cheer him up.

“I dont know—“ he got cut off with his phone lighting up, the name he had been longing to see was finally on the screen.

Taetae, I have something to tell you tomorrow. Can we meet up? - Y/N

“Oh well, now I know what you’ll be doing tomorrow.” Hoseok smiled, poking Taehyung’s sides but he was nervous inside, remembering the conversation he had with Jimin the other day.

“Taehyung ah, you know it’s hard having a relationship when we’re an idol.” Jimin says but Taehyung couldn’t accept it.

“What’s wrong with dating the one you love?” Taehyung argued but Jimin sighed.

“Okay, let’s say you love eachother, but we can’t deny everyone wants a normal relationship with all the cuddling and couple tees and just carelessly showing your affection for eachother, right? And it’s something we can’t give. Not at the moment.” Jimin patted Taehyung’s shoulders.

“Is.. is this y/n giving up?” Taehyung shakily asks.

“That’s not for me to answer.” Jimin gave Taehyung a hug before he got called by Namjoon.

Is this it?

Are we letting go now, y/n?

“I’ll go to my room first.” Taehyung said, standing up as he walked back to his room, his thoughts fighting over as memories of the past month comes back to him. He’s done his best, keeping everyday communication with her even just through texts. He fought off the urges to see her everyday even if it was killing him, just because he wants her safe and wants to be careful. If only he could be invisible so he could be with y/n, he’d do anything. He tried so hard to make it work… to make sure she knew he loved her, but it was still not enough. It has come to this point where he feels like he’s loosing her.

I’m losing her for real, tomorrow. Taehyung taught as he lays on his bed, covering his eyes with his arms as he lets the tears fall. It was just a few weeks short of their first anniversary, yet he couldn’t make her stay.

He took his phone and reread the past conversation they had, which was mostly him saying ‘I love you’ and ‘goodnight’ for the past six nights and those were unreplied. The next message he receives from her was this.

He was sure that it was leading to a break up.

He held his phone with both hands as he typed. This will be the last message he’ll send her before he lets go.

I’ll meet you by the garden. You know where to go. 10 am.

Jagiya, I’m sorry for all this time.

I truly loved you.

-Taehyung

Even if it still wasn’t in the past tense, he still used it as a sign of his decision to finally let her go from the pain he selfishly trapped her in. He turned off his phone and decided it that way, so that he wouldn’t be tempted to take back what he said. He’ll leave it off for the whole day tomorrow since no calls for their managers or members would be coming in. After all, it was a rest day for themselves.

He closes his eyes as he tried to go to sleep, making his pillows wet with his tears throughout the night.

.

.

.

Taehyung looked up the clock and saw that it was 9:30 in the morning. All of his members were out, besides Yoongi who was still in bed. He looked into the mirror and chuckled.

“Well, you look like crap.” He told his reflection as he sees his swollen eyes from crying. He took his sunglasses and wore his cap. It hid at least half of his face with the shadow it creates. He took a deep breath before nodding at his reflection. “Well, here goes nothing.”

He got to the garden by walking and was still 10 minutes early, but to his surprise, y/n was already there, waiting by the bench in her skinny jeans and loose knitted sweater, pairing it with the knitted cream beanie he had given her. She stared at her sneakers as she waited, and Taehyung just stood there for a moment, just looking at her and wanting the time to stop. Even if he was just afar from her, as long as she was his and he was hers, that would be fine… but time won’t stop and he knows that. Instead, he just took 5 minutes of simply keeping her in his sight, wanting to keep the memory of their last moments as lovers.

Y/N felt someone staring at her, and when she saw Taehyung by the corner, she stood up and showed a half smile as Taehyung started walking towards her. Different thoughts occupied the couple’s mind as their hearts pounded on their chest. Both of them doesn’t want this day to happen, but time won’t stop for anyone, and they weren’t an exception.

“Taetae” she says, and the young lad nodded.

“Sit down,” he said, and they both did.

“Sorry for the unreplied messages this week…” She started and he nodded, not taking off the sunglasses as he blinks his tears away. “I was…” she gave it a thought before shaking her head. “You don’t have to know.” She smiled at him before exhaling.

“What is it that you needed to tell me?” he asks as y/n looked down, opening and closing her mouth as she try to find the words to say. She definitely had a hard time telling whatever it was, and Taehyung saw that. She was about to get something from her bag when Taehyung decided to speak.

“It doesn’t look like it’s something easy to say huh?” He says and y/n nodded slowly. Taehyung looked away and sighed “Well, let me do it for you.” He says as he stood up. “Let’s break up, Y/N.” He faced her with a smile while the tears building up in his eyes hid behind his sunglasses. “The 11 months we’ve spent together will never be forgotten. Thank-you.”

“Wha- Tae-“

“I’ll go ahead.” Taehyung says, waving at her before he turned around and left. The tears roll down his cheeks as he walks straight ahead, leaving as soon as he could before he turns back and beg for y/n to take him back. If he hears her voice. he’d definitely lose the resolve he had of letting her go and giving her the happiness she deserves.

The happiness he won’t be able to give.

After being in a safe distance, away from the garden, he slowed down into a stop as he leaned into a wall. He tried to catch his breath, partly from walking but mostly because of the oxygen running out as he cried, punching the wall in frustration.

It’s over.

.

.

.

It was about 8 in the evening when Namjoon came into their dorm. Only Taehyung was in the living room, the TV open but no one was watching. Taehyung was yet again, off into his own world. If it wasn’t for Namjoon sitting beside him, Taehyung wouldn’t have realized he had company.

“Hyung, how did you family bonding go?” Taehyung asks, and Namjoon smiled.

“It was okay, but Minjoon always bugged me about you.” Namjoon answers. His sister’s bestfriend was Taehyung’s girlfriend. “I know what’s bugging you now.” Namjoon leans back into the sofa as he hit Taehyung’s back playfully. “Lucky bastard. Since you’ve met with eachother earlier, I’m concluding you guys have talked already?”

Taehyung nodded, looking away, ignoring the statement about him being lucky because he wasn’t.

“Well, why the glum face? Where’s your promise ring?” Namjoon asks, playfully poking Taehyung’s arm, all smiles until Taehyung looked at him.

“What are you saying hyung?” Taehyung asks, confusion evident in his face.

“I thought you talked already?” Namjoon asks, his smile was gone.

“Yeah, we broke up. That’s how it went.” Taehyung answered, standing up before he breaks down again. The wound was too fresh and he was still too vulnerable.

“Hold up, what are you talking about?” Namjoon stood up as well, holding onto the younger’s wrist before he could run away.

“It was clear that she didn’t want to be with me anymore, hyung. All those signs she showed me and that one week she didn’t contact me was for her to gather her courage to finally break u—“

“You didn’t clear thing out, Taehyung ah. You just concluded by yourself.” Namjoon cut him off as he pulled him back into their sofa.

“I don’t understand—“ The tears welled up as Taehyung was in utter confusion.

“Minjoon told me everything while waiting for our mom to finish shopping. She told me how y/n has been receiving threats from your fans, saying to stay away from you. She’s being bullied in school and if it weren’t for Minjoon seeing it happen, she wouldn’t have known because y/n wouldn’t say. My sister even asked her why she still says despite all the mistreatment she’s getting out of curiosity, and you know what she said?” Namjoon asks the pale faced Taehyung who didn’t know a single thing til now.

“She said no one will be able to make her break up with you. If you guys will separate, it will be your decision, not hers.”

With the last sentence, Taehyung’s heart broke into two as tears uncontrollably falls.

“But— but the one week… she didn’t…” Taehyung wasn’t able to complete his sentence, having a hard time to breathe through his crying.

“Her parents told her to come back to Canada, and that their divorce didn’t push through. She didn’t want to. She told Minjoon that she can’t text or call you until she resolved her matters already. After all, we were busy preparing for our comeback. They came into an agreement, y/n will have to finish a degree in Canada and prove to her family that she’s capable on her own. The promise ring was supposed to be given to you before she leaves, as her promise that she’ll come back if you… will be able to wait for her.”

Taehyung stood up, his chest tightening as it gets harder to breathe. Tears were constantly falling when he punched the wall, angry at himself. “What have I done?” sobs escaped him as he fell on the floor.

“Taehyung ah.” Namjoon tried to help him up when his phone rang. “Hello— yah! don’t shout at me!” Namjoon responded before handing the phone to Taehyung.

“Do you mean it? Are you really breaking up with y/n?” Minjoon was on the other line, seemingly calming down after hearing Taehyung’s sobs.

“No. I want to take it back. I don’t want to break up with her.” Taehyung answered, holding onto the phone desperately.

“Then get your sorry ass running to the airport because she leaves in an hour!” Minjoon shouted and Taehyung’s eyes widen before dropping Namjoon’s phone on the couch, running to his room to get his phone and wallet. He rushed to the door without even saying goodbye.

“Good luck, Taehyung ah.” Namjoon muttered as he picked up his phone.

.

.

“To the airport please! As fast as you could!” Urgency can be heard in Taehyung’s voice and the driver stepped on it. Taehyung sat back and opened his phone to call y/n, but numerous calls and messages were left on his phone, all from y/n.

Taetae? Is there something wrong?

Jagiya, talk to me. Am I missing on something? Why are you apologizing?

Taehyung ah! Why did you turn off your phone?!

I called Hoseok oppa, but he said you locked your door. Yah, what are you doing? Taehyung ah, I’m getting worried.

Taehyung ah…

I’ll see you tomorrow… Please be okay…

I love you. Not in the past form because I still do, and I always will. I never stopped. I’ll explain everything tomorrow.

I didn’t expect you to break up with me but I guess… I’m not really helping with all the stress you’re facing huh? I should be the one apologizing, pabo.

I’m leaving. I hope you’ll be happy. I’ll still keep cheering for you from the crowd. I love you, Tae. Always take care.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” Taehyung cried as he hugged his phone. He took a deep breath before dialing her number, only to fail as it directed him to voice mail. “Damn it!” Taehyung muttered, trying again but to no avail, was still directed to voice mail.

As fast as the driver could go, it was like all odds were against him. They were stuck in traffic, although the airport was somewhat near. Taehyung paid the cab before making a run for it. He arrived within 10 minutes of running, only stopping for a few second to catch his breath. He looked into his watch and saw he only had a few minutes left.

He ran to the immigration but was stopped as he didn’t have any passport nor ticket. It was a good thing the supervisor came and recognized Taehyung’s voice.

“Uncle, please help. I just really need to talk to y/n before she leaves. Please, just a moment.” He pleaded and his uncle waved off the guards, allowing him passage.

“Excuse me, are there any flight going to Canada tonight?” he asked, catching his break to the lady who was in the boarding gates.

“Ah yes, flight 315 to Vancouver.” She nodded.

“Where is it? Which gate?” Taehyung desperately asked,

“The boarding time was an hour ago sir—“ the lady was cut off as she saw a plane by the end of the run way. “Sir, I’m afraid the plane you’re looking for is that.” the lady pointed towards the tall glass windows showing off the plane ready to take off.

“No…” Taehyung stood frozen infront of the glass windows, tears flowing as he saw the plane zoom off and started onto the sky, leaving Korea with the only girl he’d love this much.

“미안해 (I’m sorry)” Taehyung shakily said, only above a whisper.

“사랑해 (I love you)” He closed his eyes, letting his tears flow.

“융서해 (Forgive me)” He knelt, giving in as he lost all the strength he had left.

Masterlist

[hplonesomeart]

I definitely agree with this, but I oddly enough don’t relate to this. It’s absolutely true that people have lives and connections off of social media. And it’s not their obligation to share everything they do with strangers on the internet, no matter how big their platform is on here. I would even say it’s admirable to keep those things hidden between themselves and their irl friends/family. At the end of the day, their life is all their own. It was never meant to be shared with people they don’t want to share it with. Furthermore, I think social media always creates a false persona to some extent. We get to choose what we want others to see, think, and know about us…even if it’s a vague interpretation of our true selfs. So yeah, I doubt I would know what most content creators are like irl.

I say most though, because this statement doesn’t apply to all of them. I created my YouTube channel in an almost desperate attempt to have a place where I could be me. It’s hard to describe properly, but I felt like I was hiding so much of myself from the people I knew. I was (and still am) afraid they would think less of me if I revealed things about myself that went against their expectations. Most of my family/school friends have a shallow idea of who I am; she/her, some who likes drawing, and someone who was obsessed with MLP as a kid. But that’s such a small fraction of the whole me, and even then, it’s a disappointingly vague description. So I fell my social media account is the closest representation of myself that most people will know, since I get to talk about my characters and interests in more detail here then I normally do offline. Another factor is because how little amount of time I’m able to talk to friends/family irl. My family used to meet in huge gatherings during holidays, which limits the chance of talking one on one with them. And COVID limited it even more-so, because we stopped meeting altogether. With school friends, the school bell schedule and after school activities makes it tricky to have long lasting conversations. So I don’t have many deep relationships with any of them, because why text eachother after school when I barely know or talk to them irl? In contrast, YouTube has no time constraints. I can record a 32 minute long video rambling about my characters and interests to strangers on the internet without being interrupted. Also, some people might have created their social media platforms based around a fandom they were really involved in. Of course, hyper fixations and fandoms don’t define who we are as people. We are so much more then just one thing or one interest. All I’m saying is that there is an argument that can be made, that platforms built around hyper fixations do reflect the blogger’s current interests, hobbies, and mindset.

Once again, I agree that people are so much more then what they post on social media. And no one should be making assumptions about others personal lives when they don’t know the individual. Honestly, I believe no one will ever know the full extent of who I am. Because it’s a complex combination of memories, beliefs, interests, fears, ambitions, personality, connections, and so much more. I change the way I behave around others depending on the things they know about me and the things I know about them. So it’s impossible for one person to know every single thing about my private and social life. But even then, I think some (like me) do choose to reveal more about themselves on social media then outside of it. I think it just depends on where we put our identities. Do we put our identities into our interests, in the people we hang out with, or something else entirely? For me it’s mainly in my interests, which are revealed in social media far more frequently.

. . .

Holly smokes I should really consider becoming a writer because this became a whole pecking essay lol

It's really fucking weird that people seem to think you only do or think about the things you post about on social media. I have so much more going on my life than I ever post about here, and so do most people.

Chances are high that you know almost nothing about any given blogger on this website, and making wild assumptions about their personal lives based on what they do post about is both weird and invasive.

[silentlxtus-blog]

Why I Choose BlackSun

         The heated debate of the RWBY FNDM....Bumbleby vs. BlackSun

Now, let me just say, I have nothing against the Bumbleby ship and I think it has it’s merits and yes it’s a decent ship...but I just think that BlackSun is an all-around better ship and so I decided to make a post supporting it and explaining why I, and many other fans, are in favor of it.

1. They aren’t perfect.

          One of the things I love most about BlackSun is that they aren’t all googly-eyed and sappy (and, fairly, neither is Bumbleby!). They argue, they disagree, they snip and snap and get a bit sassy with each other...and that’s a good thing. No relationship is perfectly smooth sailing, at least no realistic one. Couples are never going to be 100% perfect every minute of the day and their disagreement only serve as fuel for better storytelling and relationship building because even when they DO argue and disagree, it usually leads to them working together IN SPITE of that and that goes to show that their relationship is BIGGER than conflict.

2. Sun took the time to learn all he could about Blake

        This is a BIG one for me. Yang cares for Blake, and Blake cares for Yang, there is absolutely no doubt about that...but has ANYONE ever cared enough for Blake to actually sit with her and just listen to her story? Yes, someone did, and that was Sun. Sure, his initial attraction to Blake may have been the fact that she was a Faunus, but as soon as they made contact enough to do more than wink, he was invested in HER and what makes Blake tick and why she is so silent and standoffish. Everyone else accepted that Blake was quiet and left it at that, Yang reached out a little bit but used the moment to tell HER story but not to ask about BLAKE’S story. Sun asked, Sun sought the answers, Sun was someone that Blake trusted enough to reveal all these secrets and open up to.

3. Sun NEVER blamed or gave up on Blake.

        A lot of fans consider Sun following Blake to Menagerie a “stalker” move and that is something I find absolutely ridiculous. The argument is that Blake “needed space” and he didn’t respect that. Well, that’s because Blake DIDN’T need space, it was the LAST thing she needed and Sun knew that. He knew her past and where she came from and her tendency to separate herself from people she doesn’t want to hurt...and he wasn’t going to let her run away again. Sun followed her and he understood why she was running, but he knew she needed to be reminded that she was not alone anymore and he doggedly forced his company on her not as a stalker, but as a friend who wasn’t about to let her slip away and hide again. He is by her side always, no matter what the trouble they face and no matter where she runs and that’s LOYALTY, not stalking.

         Would Yang have followed Blake had she been able? I can’t answer that, but she certainly didn’t seek her out once she was better and she continuously blamed her for leaving (Yes, I undertstand she had her own issues to deal with and a lot of PTSD, but the point is...Yang gave up on Blake.)

4. Sun is 100% honest with Blake.

        Sun pulls no punches, that is for certain. Blake isn’t some tender flower who needs to be cared for and pampered and Sun realizes that. He fights BESIDE her, not pushing her to safety and trying to protect her because he knows she can hold her own....and he doesn’t treat her softly with his words either. He is bluntly honest with her, telling her straight up when she’s being foolish, how she can change for the better, how he feels about things that she does and decisions she makes, not letting her wallow in self pity. Sun brings out the best in her by tugging at those little frays on her heart that she tried to keep hidden and he forces her to look inward and reflect on who she is now vs who she wants to be. 

5. They’re both Faunus

        Not a very important factor in the grand scheme of things, and not at all a deciding factor in any relationship, but you have to admit that they automatically had something deeper in common and have a shared suffering in their heritages. They bonded quickly over this, more quickly than Blake has bonded with anyone else.

6. They don’t feel forced.

        The relationship between Blake and Sun flows easily. They banter, they are comfortable with eachother, they work well together, they fight well together, Blake’s family has welcomed him in (especially after he helped defend their home from the White Fang), they care for eachother but it isn’t grossly overdone and is shown in small touches and kind words and gentle looks. Seeing them onscreen together always feels....right.

7. They’re adorable!

           They make a cute couple, ok? Just LOOK.

EDIT. I thought of another point.

8. Blake needs someone like Sun

          Blake has the tendency to be a bit on the melancholy side and will withdraw if not charged by a more outgoing personality which is why both Yang and Sun make good choices...however, Sun’s positive outlook is more consistent and more naturally ingrained in everything he does whereas Yang does tend to put on a happy face by force sometimes (which is understandable). I just feel like, as someone with a similar personality to Blake, that she needs someone who won’t rise and fall along with her moods but will remain positive and keep her from sinking. Sun has shown the ability to be serious, we’ve seen him sit with Blake and have serious discussions and not act silly or over enthusiastic so he is capable of slowing down when need be...and yet even in those moments he remains positive and hopeful. In all honesty, Sun and Ghira are very similar in that way, both seeking the good in everyone and everything and not letting tragedy shake their faith.