#they can help each other out and become kindered spirits I can feel it in my bones

[faceeeeee]

Bassie&shelly doodle dump AGAIN in the same day can you believe it guys-

[genderqueerdykes]

so something that was more common in the past in queer spaces was ally pride. people were often very proud allies! they were often family members, best friends, partners, neighbors, co-workers, anyone really. maybe they just support queer people regardless. there's a lot of reasons why people support us, there's no reason to judge.

i feel like there's been this exhausting outlook on things where we have to immediately take things in bad faith because there's no way someone else had our best interest in mind. people have become very resistant to the idea of interacting with people who aren't exactly like them and it's disturbing. that is not how to approach community. that fosters arguments and drama.

also i don't like that some people don't like the idea of allies being at pride or calling themselves "proud allies" or whatever like that's not embarrassing, they should be proud, because they're refusing to hold us down. how's that embarrassing? we have to be kinder to one another. it's really over. this hostility is not where it's at. this is not the spirit of things at all. in the past it was not like this at all

there was a lot of diversity in queer spaces because they didn't really have the largest physical locations possible and often had to deal with minimal resources, so specialized groups were not always possible. generally you were mingling with everyone. you would have to just sort of talk to people and socialize. the first people i met at my college's pride group was an agender transfem person, 2 cis gay drag queens, 3 cis gay men two of which were asexual, a cis butch lesbian, a cis femme lesbian, & 2 cis bisexual women.

you just kinda talked to whoever, and that was a good thing. i saw parents, friends, kids, relatives all the time. it was super normal. like nobody was pestering you for your identity. legitimately i never came out the whole way about my gender when i was there i just tried to be gender vague and people understood. i didn't get heckled for my terms or pronouns i mostly told people i was genderqueer and they'd be like oh yeah totally. and then we'd go get sandwiches at a restaurant after the meeting was over.

there's a severe lack of connection we're having as a community right now. there's a breakdown in communication and it makes us suffer for it. i think it's time to shelve the needless hostility and just have conversations. i'm guilty of it it too. i dont want to say im excluded from this. but we need to just talk and then maybe we can get to the part where we go back to living as queer people and eating food together instead of interrogating people for everything down to what their genitals were at birth or are right now. it's time to shelve it.

we seriously do need to make room for pride and joy. the anger and rage isn't helping if it's being directed at each other- it need to be directed at people who are oppressing us, not the people we target right now. men who are allies, trans men, transmascs, male lesbians, transfems, trans women, intersex men, gay men, bisexual men, men of color, and disabled men, aren't the people who are holding us down, your target is elsewhere.

let us express joy and pride for once. it's okay to do so. it's constructive and healthy.

[antivanbrandy]

i wanted to take a crack at the relationship chart meme for bg3, but made life harder for myself in the process by doodling everyone asdfghjkl

a bit of info about the relationships under the readmore!

so to start from the top and work around clockwise:

Astarion: her best friend, her partner, and love of her life. his flippant hot-n-cold attitude at the start of their relationship (she failed that first big insight check so she didn't know it was all an act at the start) leaves her feeling bad about herself at times, but once they have their Act 2 heart-to-heart, their relationship only goes from strength to strength. we all know what a supportive and loving tav does for spawn!Astarion, but over the course of their adventure he supports her, too. they make each other stronger.

Rhapsody's self sacrificing need to help everyone, no matter how thin it spreads her, comes dangerously close to breaking her by late Act 2. Astarion talks her back from the ledge, so to speak, and helps her realise why she's doing it (Family Trauma Hour 2, Shitty Father Boogaloo) and the harm it's doing her in turn. it's purely self-interest that motivates him at first, because if she burns out then his protection and best chance at taking on Cazador goes with her, but once he comes to care for her his motives are much kinder.

i have so many post-game thoughts for these two, which includes an eventual cast of good old Reincarnation (which i honest to god rolled for and nearly squawked at the outcome) and the very specific complicated feelings that digs up for them, but if i keep typing i'll be here all day.

-

Gale: truly one of her best friends. she could sit with him in silence, just reading together, or her playing an instrument while he studies the weave, and be perfectly content. Rhaps is a lore bard, so she really enjoys swapping stories, information, and theories with him. she's also a big fan of his cooking, and enjoys the simple companionship of doing vegetable prep while he cooks and they chat together. she'd go to bat for him against anyone.

-

Wyll: a dear friend, and inspiration for more than one epic ballad (which makes him proud-blush every time). they swap tales, often together with Karlach, and he's been known to join her in a song and dance when she plays at camp if he's feeling in the spirits. they bond over complicated relationships with their fathers, love of good red wine, and most importantly, their unflinching dedication to helping people in need.

-

Lae'zel: their relationship is complicated. they both operate on a level the other just does not understand, and chafe against the others attitude to life. they grow to respect each other, but never truly become friends, which is sad because Lae'zel does get to a point where she'd like to extend that offer but has no idea how to voice her growing fondness, and then the adventure is over and she leaves with Voss.

-

Minsc: definitely a friend, even if they're not especially close. for his part, Minsc is delighted when Rhaps comes up with a little ditty about him ('from top to tail, evildoers do fear - Boo gnaws their eyes, Minsc kicks their rear!').

-

Jaheira: Rhaps' liked Jaheira immediately, as soon as she clocked the wine was spiked and Jaheira gave her that knowing smile and asked her to drink anyway. Rhaps grew up starved for parental approval and attention, and there's an undeniable current of Momther™ that carries with Jaheira's approval, stories, pick me ups, and pep talks that she latches onto very quickly. Jaheria herself is reluctant to be seen as a mother figure, she has her own kids after all, riiiiiight up until the point the gang come face to face with Rhaps and Aisling's father and she sees first hand how she's treated and how much she wilts in his company. After that it's just kind of defiant instinct, if a parental-flavoured pep talk is what the cub needs to get through the end of days, that's what she'll get, and her old man can go get fucked.

-

Shadowheart: Shadowheart and Rhapsody have a rocky start - Shart's combative attitude puts Rhaps on the backfoot, and they have a two steps forward one step back slow-crawl to understanding each other. There's a bit of a blow-up between them in the shadowlands that sets them back even more; Shadowheart's constant sneering and too-edgy-for-you remarks regarding Selune and Selunite magic grate on Rhapsody, who is already spread desperately thin by this point and is absolutely baffled Shart can't keep it buttoned for ONE minute when Selune is all that's standing between the people at Last Light -the tieflings she fought tooth n nail to save- and a gruesome death. and the more evidence they see of Shar's cruelty in the shadowlands, the more Rhaps begins to truly understand what Shar is capable of and the thinner she's spread from trying to help people in this bleak situation, the closer she gets to lashing out, until eventually Shadowheart goes one snippy comment too far and Rhaps blows up at her. they have it out, and it's bad, but when they eventually make up afterwards theyre stronger for it, and by the end of Act 3 theyre a lot closer than they ever thought possible.

-

Halsin: Halsin is a calming presence in Rhapsody's life. she thought turning down his offer was going to make things awkward for them, but it never did. there's a lot to learn from him, and a call to a calmer life and a sense of peace that Rhaps feels most keenly when she's out in nature with him. the druidic life isn't for her, but those moments of peace do wonders for her when she needs it.

-

Karlach: darling dearest bestest friend, platonic love of her life, sister from another mister, 'would absolutely ride the rollercoaster in the front car with you' bestest best friend forever. Rhapsody adores Karlach, admires and is inspired by her. Rhapsody has had very little interaction with other tieflings, and in comes Karlach full of friendly cheer and good humour and a massive heart, emotional vulnerability and honesty and cheeky smiles, all things Rhaps is drawn to and wants to be. she'd do anything for her, go to any lengths, and I can't even begin to describe how heartbroken this makes her on that dock at the end.

[lgbtqmanga]

New Releases Nov. 19, 2024

All or Nothing (manga) by Shikke

When their friends Kadoi and Hasumoto reveal that they’ve been dating for a whole month, Oka and Sawada are more jealous that their friends have lovers than anything else. So, when the change in their friends’ relationship causes them to be more conscious of each other, they can’t help but wonder what it’d be like with each other—in more ways than one…

Candy: Shou Harusono Art Collection Art Book by Shou Harusono

Sugar and spice and everything nice—enjoy this delightfully delectable and sugary sweet amalgamation of gorgeous illustrations, rough sketches, exclusive bonus manga, and even an interview with the series creator of Sasaki and Miyano and Hirano and Kagiura!

Citrus+ (manga) vol. 6 by Saburouta

High schoolers (and stepsisters) Yuzu and Mei have gone public with their relationship! The two are happy to be dating out in the open, but friends and family keep trying to butt in with advice. Can Yuzu and Mei figure things out on their own? The return of the modern yuri classic!

The Contract Between a Specter and a Servant (novel) vol. 3 by Michiru Fushino

After nearly dying and being pieced back together, Masamichi has gotten used to working at the antique shop Bougyoudou for the handsome and mysterious Shino, who saved his life. The man is actually a specter who has been living as a human since the Heian era thanks to a curse from a spiritual medium. As Masamichi gets to know the gruff man and discovers his kinder side, he begins to feel some strange feelings for the specter. Then one day, a visitor from London arrives with a request from his very wealthy boss—a request concerning a haunted house and the evil spirit within it…

I Cannot Reach You (manga) vol. 8 by Mika

Kakeru and Yamato have begun dating at last, but they’re still not quite used to the fact that they’ve gone from “friends” to “boyfriends.” After receiving an aquarium ticket from Fujino, who tells him to “go with his girlfriend,” Kakeru decides to invite Yamato on a fun excursion. But when the two bump into their friends on the way home, Kakeru is forced to confess the truth about their relationship…

I Cross-Dressed for the IRL Meetup (manga) vol. 2 by Kurano

“Cocoa” has found belonging in an all-girl meet up for sweets. There’s just one problem: Cocoa’s actually a cross-dressing guy! During one meetup, things come to a head when another attendee, Opera, discovers that Cocoa is cross-dressing--and to Cocoa’s surprise, Opera confesses that he is too! But Cocoa realizes that his attraction to Opera is more than clothing-deep, and as the two grow closer, they'll learn more about each other--and their own selves--than they could have ever imagined in this latest volume.

I Ship My Rival X Me (manhua) vol. 1 by PEPA with art by Qualia

Wei Yanzi and Gu Yiliang debuted together three years ago, from the same agency, so it was inevitable that they’d be considered rivals by their fans. Unfortunately for Wei Yanzi, while Gu Yiliang has phenomenal acting skills to go with his idol-tier good looks…Wei Yanzi only has the idol-tier good looks. He’s so tired of reading online hate comments accusing him of scheming to undermine Gu Yiliang that when he stumbles across a community of people who fervently believe the two actors are an item, it’s not just a shock—it’s a relief! Moved by these fans’ passion and thrilled to find a community where nobody’s trash-talking him, Wei Yanzi becomes addicted to their posts analyzing his and Gu Yiliang’s every move for shipping fuel. Of course there’s nothing actually going on between the two of them…but as he spends more time with Gu Yiliang on the period drama they’re filming together, why is Wei Yanzi starting to feel like the shippers might actually be onto something?!

Just Like Mona Lisa (manga) vol. 3 by Tsumuji Yoshimura

Why does Hinase feel so uncomfortable with both choosing a gender and exploring romance? Their friends are growing up without them, and Hinase’s nostalgia for a simple childhood creates friction. After Hinase awakes from a brush with death to an ever-changing present, Shiori drifts away, blaming himself for their misfortune. Ritsu hopes to uncover the source of Hinase’s anxiety—but that’s a struggle Hinase will have to overcome on their own. What is the connection between gender and attraction?

Let’s Eat Together, Aki and Haru (manga) vol. 2 by Makoto Taji

Two boys who share a room and love to make and eat dinner together. Aki is in charge of cooking, and Haru is tasked with cleaning up, and despite their personality differences, they come together over their love of food.

Praise Me When I'm a Good Boy (manga) by Yodaka Kuroi

High school teacher Watanabe has a secret—behind closed doors, he’s actually a Sub. Enraged when his fiancée leaves him because of his nature, Watanabe hooks up with his former student, Izumi…who just so happens to ooze Dom energy, and is also looking for a place to stay. Where better than at his new Sub’s house? Which means Watanabe’s going to have to figure out how to survive round-the-clock orders, all so he can be praised like the good boy he’s desperately trying to be…

Remnants of Filth: Yuwu (novel) vol. 5 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou with illustrations by St

Noble-born Mo Xi is the foremost general of Chonghua, known for his ruthless temper and ascetic air. Once he was one of two promising young commanders, twin stars of the empire. His comrade, the lowborn Gu Mang, was Mo Xi’s brother-in-arms, best friend, and—secretly—his lover, until the day Gu Mang turned traitor and joined the ranks of their nation’s greatest enemy. Now Gu Mang has been returned to the empire a ruined man, a shadow of the military genius he once was. The public clamors for his death, and no one yearns for vengeance more than Mo Xi. Or so he thought—for faced once more with his bitterest enemy, Mo Xi is left with more questions than answers. Why did the man he loved betray him? And what secrets hide behind Gu Mang’s tortured eyes?

The Second Alpha (manga) by Yofune Shibue

When alpha Morita Souichi prepared for his first day at a brand-new job, he never expected to discover his destined mate! After a literal run-in with his coworker, Matsumoto Takashi, Morita instantly knows that the other man is not only an omega but the person he is meant to be with. There's only one problem: the ring on Matsumoto's finger. Yet suddenly Matsumoto goes into heat and Morita's alpha instincts take over. As they lay entwined together, he hears Matsumoto's tearful apology to someone named “Haruma.” Is this alpha-omega pair destined for failure?

Semantic Error (manhwa) vol. 1 by J. Soori with art by Angy

Computer science major Sangwoo Choo values reason, routine, and rules above all, so when the rest of his teammates fail to contribute to the group presentation, he doesn’t hesitate to cut everyone’s names from the project entirely—including design major Jaeyoung Jang, which ruins his plans to graduate and study abroad. Jaeyoung is more than happy to return the favor and strives to be the biggest thorn in Sangwoo’s side—but as they spend more time together, a strange attraction begins to develop between them… Will Sangwoo be able to debug this semantic error from his life?

Tied to You (manhwa) vol. 1 by Chelliace with art by WHAT

Wooseo Shin was never one to believe in fate…until a ring of red thread appears around his finger, that is! This ring marks a person’s meeting of their soulmate, and with it, neither can fall asleep if the other is absent. This development is not a welcome one for Wooseo, who decides to keep it from his close friend and crush Jiseok Kang at all costs. Because as fate would have it, the person with Wooseo’s matching set is Jigeon Kang—Jiseok’s older brother! When Jigeon proposes that they start sharing a bed, if only to combat their joint insomnia, Wooseo reluctantly accepts…but as the two spend more and more time together, feelings start to get messy. Will Wooseo be able to survive his new life tangled up in between these two brothers?!

Yes, No, or Maybe? (manga) vol. 1 by Michi Ichiiho with art by Yukimura

Kunieda Kei is the up-and-coming Prince Charming of the evening news, but inside, he’s anything but princely. He’s brash, hot-tempered, and prickly as can be. For years, he’s been able to juggle his private and professional personas, but a run-in with animator Ushio Tsuzuki threatens to bring his self-control crashing down. Will Kei’s mask slip and expose him for who he is, or is there someone who might love and accept both his sides?

[tomorrowxtogether]

SOOBIN: “It’s always been my goal for the other members to be happy”

TOMORROW X TOGETHER The Name Chapter: FREEFALL comeback interview

2023.10.23

SOOBIN, as always, speaks in a calm voice throughout. Whether he’s talking about the happiness that surrounds him, the challenges he faces, the pleasures of everyday life, or the major goals that guide the group, his voice is resolute but relaxed—spirited, but soft.

You kept talking about how you want to watch the new movie Concrete Utopia.

SOOBIN: I never ended up seeing it. It left theaters. (laughs) If someone in my friends’ group chat says, “There’s a movie I want to see,” then someone else asks who can go, and then anyone who can goes to see it. I’m really thankful to have friends who will come with me to see the movies I want to watch.

You took a trip with them recently, isn’t that right?

SOOBIN: I took an overnight trip with them to Gapyeong not that long ago. We had a cooking competition, then they asked me to teach them the dance for “Sugar Rush Ride.” So I showed them and then they spontaneously held a competition and asked me to be the judge. It was really fun and super cute. (laughs)

It sounds like your friends are very important to you.

SOOBIN: It’s fair to say they know me really well. They really love me and look out for me. Usually when they say something like, “Choi Soobin’s eating only this much? Something wrong?”—there really is something wrong. These days they’re so good at seeing through me. It’s almost annoying. (laughs) And if any of us goes too far, we apologize on the spot. And after we take a trip, we even say, I had such a great time thanks to you guys. You really made me happy. It’s always like that. I get carried away in that kind of environment which lets me say embarrassing things, and even though we bicker sometimes, it leads to self-improvement. I guess you could say I’ve become a kinder person overall and I’m capable of being a lot more open now. I really learned how to express myself.

I imagine that you get a lot of energy out of that whole process.

SOOBIN: I started going out way more this year. I was having a lot of personal doubts and feeling confused last year, so it wasn’t an easy time. So I went around looking for help, talked a lot to more experienced artists, and got some advice. I ended up getting really close to a lot of people. After that, I had more reasons to go out. It’s a refreshing change of pace from the same routine every day, so I really need that time these days.

How did you feel during the world tour? Judging by your vlogs from that time, it looks like you established your own little routine for after each concert.

SOOBIN: You hear from a lot of different artists that they sometimes feel empty when they get in after a concert. But not me. (laughs) After seeing all those people in big crowds, coming back, and having some alone time, it’s—I mean, that’s a really full day. I think it’s important to have time to be alone and reflect, and to enjoy your hobbies. I don’t really feel like I need to follow up something as special as a concert with something else exciting. I actually feel more comfortable just spending each day the way I’m used to spending it.

I’m surprised you cherish what’s already comfortable to you so much when you also want to try so many new activities.

SOOBIN: I guess you could say I have a personality like a flame. There’s so many things I want to do, but I also get tired of them pretty quickly. For a while I was learning swimming and boxing, then I had an interest in baking and thought about buying an oven, but I was over it quickly. I also bought a camera and then, after a month, never touched it again. (laughs) Anyway, I’m the kind of person who pretty much goes ahead and does things as soon as I want to do them. I never hesitate to start something and I’ll even skip sleep when I want to try something. I can’t stand when I don’t have a hobby to do. It’s tough for me if I can’t have a good time and break out of my routine with something new. I guess that explains my personality where I have to do whatever I want. I’m the kind of person who tries to enjoy what he wants when I want to because I never know when I might lose interest.

But you have far more endurance doing what you do than other people.

SOOBIN: I don’t think I could’ve put this much into any job other than this one. I can already see myself living a lazy life when I’m much older and retired (laughs) so I want to do everything I can while I can. There’s a lot of people who work to make us shine, especially in a line of work like this, so there’s no way I could just phone it in when they’re putting their all into it.

You must have devoted a lot of time and effort toward getting ready for this comeback. You mentioned several times on Weverse Live how excited you are for the new album.

SOOBIN: It’s about embracing and pushing your way through the pain and the hard times you come up against in the real world, so I felt like it’s something I can comprehend and express well. I was actually worried about the last album because I was nervous I wouldn’t be able to pull off the concept of the album, and that’s why I didn’t feel very confident. But the songs are a little bit more of an “easy listening” songs this time and the choreography’s fun, so I’m more confident this time. At first I thought the single “Chasing That Feeling” was basic, but after listening to it four or five times, I realized how catchy it was and started humming it to myself. It felt like the kind of song you’d never skip over in a playlist and one you can keep listening to over and over.

You also mentioned that the dance moves for “Chasing That Feeling” are more physically demanding than those for “Back for More” (TXT Ver.).

SOOBIN: Everyone would assume that “Back for More (TXT Ver.)” is more tough when you see it, but for me, “Chasing That Feeling” is actually more physically demanding. But I still love the choreography. I had so much fun with it when first learning it and I was full of excitement while dancing, but the dance coaches told me, “SOOBIN, you have to do this one with more tenderness. You’re too hyper right now. You need to tone down your emotions.” (laughs) We stretch our arms out really, really wide in the intro and do moves we’ve never done before, but it was a really good match for me and I had a lot of fun. I think the dance really captures that idea of following your passions and always pressing forward even when it’s sort of painful. I got to like the song more while practicing the choreography.

You said on Weverse Live that you have a favorite track off this album. Can you tell us which it is?

SOOBIN: It’s “Skipping Stones.” Singer-songwriter HANRORO wrote it, and I’m a big fan of her music. The song she gave us is so characteristic of her sound that it feels like a song she would’ve written for herself. I fell in love with it the very first time I heard it. It was fun getting to record a song of a style I listen to and sing all the time, which made the process laid-back. I like HANRORO’s music and voice, but I think it’s her all-Korean lyrics that are really beautiful. “The water that swallowed the scars will become calm someday / And it will have a wide embrace.” Time heals all wounds and I was so amazed how she managed to tie that in with the idea of skipping stones. It made me respect her even more.

You wrapped up your second world tour a little bit before the album came out. Did you enjoy yourself on tour? It seemed like you had a lot on your mind while trying to enjoy yourself on stage before that.

SOOBIN: I started to feel less nervous doing the world tour. Now I’m not even scared or nervous before a concert—I’m just excited. I think I’m more comfortable with it because I feel relaxed now. I’m still not totally loosened up, obviously (laughs) but I can’t force myself to be comfortable with everything. I’ll probably have to wait a little longer for that.

During the world tour, you also put on performances at major venues like Lollapalooza in Chicago and the MTV Video Music Awards.

SOOBIN: I was nervous for the VMAs for sure but it was still fun because there were a lot of people who have been superstars to me ever since I was young and it was amazing to see people with MOA light sticks even though it was an overseas awards show. It was so fun that I felt like I was dreaming. It was like, Am I even supposed to be here? I was extremely fortunate to be able to meet people like Bebe Rexha who were a major motivator for me. Moments like those feel like rewards for all the hard work I’ve put in and they’re a huge motivation. I’m very thankful and lucky.

It’s like you take that motivation and work hard to pay it forward to MOA.

SOOBIN: It’s even hard for me to grasp, for someone who used to be a fan myself. To me, it even feels like what fans are giving is just “pure love.” I was so amazed that they’re willing to come such a long distance for our concerts and you can see fans giving things to each other just because they all share a common interest. It’s not like the love between friends or between a couple—it’s something completely special that can’t ever be explained. I’ve been a fan before, too, but speaking as a singer, “the existence of fans is just pure love.” It’s amazing how unconditional their love can be.

It’s clear how much you love the fans when you talk to them on Weverse Live about somewhat sensitive subjects in a firm but kind manner.

SOOBIN: This is how I feel: Let’s all be gentle and share the love. That way, I can be closer with them and no one will be crossing any boundaries of what is acceptable. The reason I say that is, I’m trying to make it so that MOA and I can love each other more and without having to hold anything back. Sometimes I can ignore the uncomfortable stuff and just move on, but the reason I brought that up is because I wanted to make sure we don’t make each other feel uncomfortable and there’s no hard feelings. My point was to say, Let’s make sure we all feel comfortable, and let’s look out for one another and have nothing but love for each other. I try to be as gentle as possible when I say these things, of course.

You also referred to the other group members as “companions” last year in the video TXT Share House.

SOOBIN: We all went through a rough patch at one point last year together. I felt our companionship was particularly strong while we practiced for the year-end awards shows. We were having a lot of honest conversations about our innermost feelings. We weren’t in Korea that much at the time, so I think we relied on each other a lot.

I was surprised when I found out you get a bigger room during world tours because other members come see you. I thought you would want to have your own space.

SOOBIN: I’m not really bothered by them coming in. We each have our own rooms, but I’m actually thankful and feel good that they come to my room to talk to me because it makes me feel like they trust me and rely on me. And I get more excited and talkative than they do when they come in. (laughs) I’m happy when they come in and I always hope they do.

What do you tend to talk about in that situation?

SOOBIN: They mostly come to me when they’re facing some kind of difficulty, whether it’s personal or something related to the group, or when they just want to talk. And I’m usually the one who goes to the label as our representative when we want to propose an idea to them. But there were a lot of times on the most recent world tour where they came to me saying they wanted to hear what I had to say. “How are you feeling about the tour? No problems?” Stuff like that. I actually tend to keep any baggage to myself if sharing it isn’t going to solve anything. Sometimes the other members feel hurt by that though. (laughs) But I still usually unload when it’s something that can be solved together, of course. It’s not like I don’t like to talk. (laughs)

When YEONJUN and TAEHYUN were on SUCHWITA, they said that all the members agreed on one big goal for the group. Was it those conversations that led you to be able to agree on that goal?

SOOBIN: I’m not someone with any big goals—I just want to enjoy the small things in life. But we talked a lot last year about our members’ dreams, what makes us happy, and what our goals are. Not all five of us shared the same goals, but we got to talking about how some of us want to make it to the top of our field. So I thought, If that’s what makes you happy, and that’s your goal, then I’ll try my best for it, too—because it’s always been my goal for the other members to be happy. I figured, if that’s what will make them happiest, then I’ll work toward the same goal with them.

Why does the other members being happy make you happy?

SOOBIN: It’s not just them—my family, my friends, the staff … Nothing makes me happier than seeing them all happy. That’s why I hope our fans are happy, too. I think the people I care about being happy makes me really happy and is as important to me as my own happiness. At least for me.

Has your attitude toward work changed as the goals you’re focused on have shifted?

SOOBIN: I’m making a bigger, tangible effort. I feel like I’ve always done my best, right from when we debuted, but now it’s like I’m trying to be even better than my best. (laughs) I’m practicing harder, working harder when shooting—everything. I’ll work harder this year than last, and next year I’ll work even harder still.

But there will always be bumps along the road when working toward your goals. How do you keep yourself moving forward?

SOOBIN: It might not be the case for everyone in this field, but I think this work makes me really happy, way more than it brings me pain. I'm not the type to dwell on something painful for too long in the first place. It's not simple to get this much love and support, and the happiness it brings is too important for me to let go just because things get tough. It brings me so much joy that it's worth sticking with, no matter what I have to go through.

[warrmonger]

right, are you guys ready for this little spergirino while my puppy is napping - i've now updated my timeline / headcanon; removing the section in which heidegger and shinra meet while heidegger is undergoing treatment in a psychiatric facility. i have changed this because i want to reflect canon more; i have changed this to heidegger instead being approached by his father's old private military company. joining them, and then leaving them soon after - more in timeline, explanation below.

gonna be using the twitter screencaps of the translation as it's easier & i follow this page and always appreciate them, so - i cant help but simp anyway;

^ the world constantly being at war is something i've always ran with personally when describing heidegger's backstory. with militias being a thing, liberation and unification of continents and towns also being a thing. i've always pretty much written as if this is canon (which, i guess it is now!)

my original idea was that heidegger's father once had a militia (or pcm) and i'm sticking with it. that pcm worked closely with shinra, usually being hired out by the company & supplied weapons by the company. they would do jobs on shinra's behalf. *such as investigating the north crater - a big thing in my heid backstory!

i love this comment right here ; because people seem to believe that shinra was 60+ forever and always an EVIL OLD CAPITLISTTTT but like, nah, bro was an engineer trying to do good who got a little carried away. personally, i'll always compare him to the old man in robocop.

i like to think that young heidegger and shinra were once much better people. initially when they knew each other, they had goals and dreams, reasons. they were kinder, better people.

my headcanon has changed in that rather than shinra pulling heid from his slump, his father's old pcm does instead. initially, heidegger takes to battle again like a duck to water but notices a lacking in enthusiasm by his coworkers. there's no bond, there's no spirit. the bond he once had with his fellow soldiers is gone, none seem to have any reason for fight asides from money.

when heidegger sees this of his squad leader, he becomes bitter and disgusted. when he meets the young, enthusiastic, ambitious and strong shinra - he feels a spark rejuvinated.

'this guy is actually fighting for something? fuck yeah!'

the two become fast friends because heidegger respects him so much, in turn - i like to think that shinra sees someone who he can rely on ( and potentially use ).

as they get older, the get greedier, and more extreme.

absolute power corrupts absolutely.

[dankusner]

‘Golden Girls’ ripoff pushes the jokes too hard

TV REVIEW ‘MID-CENTURY MODERN’ HH½

Nathan Lane, from left, Matt Bomer and Nathan Lee Graham in “Mid-Century Modern.” Chris Haston/Hulu

Homage would be the kinder term, but no matter how you slice it, the Hulu sitcom “Mid-Century Modern” is a “Golden Girls” ripoff.

Three gay best friends sans significant others — played by Nathan Lane, Matthew Bomer and Nathan Lee Graham — decide to become roommates and share a spacious home together.

Instead of Miami, the setting is Palm Springs, which is a distinction without a difference when it comes to a vaguely gestured-at backdrop of palm trees and retirees.

I actually don’t mind the recycled template.

In an era defined by old intellectual property reanimated into its latest zombie form, it was inevitable someone would reimagine this ’80s TV stalwart, which still holds up (boy, does it hold up).

Technically, “Mid-Century Modern” is an original show, not a reboot.

But in spirit?

Rebootapalooza.

Even the general layout of the set is reminiscent of the “Golden Girls” house.

If only the similarities extended to the show’s quality overall.

The series comes from “Will & Grace” creators Max Mutchnick and David Kohan, who understand the mechanics and rhythms of a sitcom.

The cast, however, does not (with one exception), which is perhaps why it feels like everyone is playing to the back row.

It’s so bad in the pilot that I’m curious if people will stick around and keep watching.

I hope so, because the show improves.

Not enough.

But it’s better than the first episode suggests.

The owner of the house is Bunny (Lane), a mostly retired founder of a Victoria’s Secret-esque company.

His snazzy, opinionated mother also lives with him, and zingers aplenty from this one.

She played by Linda Lavin, the only sitcom veteran in the main cast and who instinctually knows what’s required here.

She’s brilliant.

The newcomers to their abode are Jerry, a hunky Mormon flight attendant (Bomer), and Arthur, a haughty fashion doyen recently fired from Vogue (Graham).

As longtime friends, this setup is just what they need at this point in their lives, with everyone feeling somewhat adrift.

All good, in terms of the general framework.

I’m dying — dying — for a traditional-style sitcom, laughtrack and all, that really works.

The great James Burrows directs, and his legacy includes everything from “Cheers” to “Friends.”

What could go wrong?

Quite a bit, actually.

The show keeps getting in its own way, mostly because the characters lack distinct personalities.

Bunny is … a lot?

Arthur is … a lot too, but with a supercilious edge?

Jerry is … blissfully dim?

(He’s the obvious “Golden Girls” corollary, playing a version of Rose).

These barebones traits don’t help you peg who they are in this little world.

What do they want, as individuals?

What is their comedic function within the show?

None of this has been worked out.

The creators go heavy on ribald, sometimes overworked, banter —

“You don’t look sad, you just look like a reluctant bottom” — which in general can be fun (though in lighter doses than we get here), but only if it feels specific to each character, not just a dirty line anyone in the scene would rattle off.

That’s where “The Golden Girls” could have been instructive, because the punchlines on that show are tailored to each person’s nature and temperament and outlook on life.

If “Mid-Century Modern” had a clearer idea of who its central characters were (aside from Lavin, who is perfect), the sweaty need to sell, sell, sell every joke probably wouldn’t weigh on everyone so heavily.

When Bunny becomes flustered in front of an attractive man, the double entendre tumbles out of his mouth as he likens the hot guy’s storytelling skills to a one-man stage show:

“People would definitely come, I’d come every night!”

But Lane’s delivery doesn’t finesse the line so you laugh despite yourself;

the delivery feels focused on ensuring audiences get it.

Yes, we get it.

Stop pushing so hard.

Lane is a wonderfully versatile actor, it’s troubling to see him working to overcompensate for such an amorphously written role.

They all get COVID in one episode and are stuck at home trying to amuse themselves, and I at least appreciate that a TV show — any TV show — is acknowledging that COVID is still an ongoing reality.

Another storyline sees the men taking a trip to Fire Island to recapture their youth, which doesn’t go as planned, and it’s one of the season’s strongest episodes.

Pamela Adlon shows up occasionally as Bunny’s younger sister and she brings a much needed piquant energy to the proceedings.

Bomer is good when Jerry the ding-dong must navigate a moment of real sentiment or complication; the juxtaposition is effective.

But overall the show is missing the kind of scenes that allow the core ensemble to sit around the kitchen table and share absurd stories with one another about their lives.

Lavin died in December at 87, before filming on the season finished.

“I’m thrilled you’re gonna move in here,” she says to her son’s friends,

“it’s gonna be so good for Bunny to not be alone when I’m gone, which won’t be for a long while!”

She yells that last part for emphasis.

It’s a line that leaves a lump in your throat.

Her death is incorporated into the final two episodes, leaving the show with an unfillable hole.

The finale suggests that if the show is renewed, the creators might simply add yet another gay guy to the mix.

But that doesn’t change up the energy the way Lavin’s character did.

Her glamorous and slightly tacky presence served to pour cold water on whatever emotional spiral the men were in the midst of, and that was a source of real comedy.

If there’s a Season 2, here’s hoping the show can conceive of the right kind of person — and the right kind of actor — who can recreate that energy.

[astroexaminer]

Astro-Inspiration for July 17, 2023 ~ We are the World, We are the Children

Today due to your confident and grander mindset, your faith, and your depth of emotional engagement, you can feel a real sense of belonging to the world family. You’re also eager to embrace your sense of possibility and progressive ideas and work with others to create a more abundant, kinder, and gentler world. The Cancer New Moon reminds you that the world is your home and family, home is where your heart is, and it’s time to start giving.

The Sabian Symbol for this Cancer New Moon is “Dark Shadow or mantle thrown over the right shoulder.” Official meaning ... The Sabian Symbols in Astrology, written by Marc Edmund Jones, says: “This is a symbol of the irrevocability of man’s obligation to the reality of which he is a part, with the emphasis on his capacities of leadership as a revelation of racial stewardship on the more personal or spiritual side. Self-expression here is a release of his inner potentialities, and it becomes both an individual gratification and an expanding responsibility to all other individuals making up the social complex.”

Note: In case you don’t know, the Sabian Symbols are metaphors that spark imagery. They were derived by clairvoyant Elsie Wheeler in 1925 at the request of astrologer Marc Edmund Jones to trigger his understanding of the 360 degrees of the zodiac. The Sabian Symbols add imagery and meaning that's specific to the degree of any planet or point in a horoscope.

Today’s Quote

“Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule.” ~ Frederick William Robertson

Today’s Sky

Mercury in Leo Square Jupiter in Taurus. Cancer Moon Sextile Uranus in Taurus, Conjunct Sun in Cancer, Trine Neptune in Pisces, Opposite Pluto in Capricorn. The Cancer New Moon occurs at 2:31 pm ET today.

The sky speaks to you if you will let it. Every day it delivers a message that each person hears in a uniquely different way. This is not personal or predictive astrology; it's creative astrology meant to help you understand and align your mind, body, and spirit with the unique soul vibration of each passing day.

To quote Joseph Campbell: “The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature.”

I hope you enjoy and your life is enriched by these Astro-inspirations.

Thanks for reading. Please like and follow Patricia Lantz, Astrologer

[wearywinchester]

Back To You

Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: When putting yourself in danger for the sake of saving Dean leaves you lost in the woods, Dean is less than thrilled until he finally finds you again.

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: angst, injury, mentions of blood, swearing, comfort, fluff

Dean was livid in that moment, and rightfully so. Any and every hunt has the potential to be dangerous no matter what it is, no matter how many times you’ve hunted that very same kind of monster. Each and every hunt is different and someone is always bound to get hurt, whether it be the hunter or the person you’re there to save.

That idea was something he could handle, something he could prepare himself for. But he was never ready when that person was you.

You’d gone and done it this time. You went and spiked his worry, his fear, sent it sky high all for the sake of saving him. To him, nothing was worth losing you, especially not himself. The fact that he was worth enough to someone to risk their own life just to keep him safe was laughable to him, especially when it was you who held him in such a high regard.

Of course you did. He didn’t give himself enough credit, he didn’t give himself any credit at all. There was no one who hated Dean Winchester more than he did himself, and that very feeling was something that boiled over that hunt.

Two werewolves. Three hunters against two werewolves seemed like something you could handle. Take that and add it to the fact that you’re in the woods in late fall and it becomes more difficult. Somehow, some way they got the upper hand on the three of you, targeting Dean. Maybe they knew he was a sweet spot to the two of you, maybe it was just dumb luck, but their efforts seemed to work out for them.

There was no way you’d let them do anything to Dean, not if you were there to do something about it and that’s exactly what you did. Against Dean’s wishes you shoved him out of the way before they could, the swipe of her claws grazing across your cheek instead of his. It wasn’t as deep as it probably would have been, but it stung nevertheless. But that was only the very start of Dean’s nightmare, because you’d gone and lured her away before he could stop you.

He knew you. He knew you were strong and he knew you could hold your own, but this isn’t some run of the mill vampire or a phony spirit. It was a werewolf with more than enough of an appetite and twice the strength.

Now here you were, stranded in the woods all by yourself with a dull and bloodied silver blade and a limp in your stride, your ankle strained from tripping in the midst of your fight with fangs and claws. You held your own, you took care of her yourself with more than enough of a struggle on her end. But you had no idea where you were and which direction was the right one, no clue at all just how far you were from Sam and Dean. You didn’t know if that other werewolf got away and came to finish you off.

All you had was yourself and a dead phone, and your own two fists.

It was getting darker out, the cold fall day turning colder now that nightfall was just around the corner. The drizzling rain didn’t help your cause, muddying the path you tried to follow as you navigated through tall trees and fallen leaves. They crunched every time you took a step, the sound near deafening in contrast to the quiet of the woods.

You were too afraid to call out for Dean, didn’t want to draw attention to yourself should it still be lurking. You were an easy target at this point—you were tired and you were weak.

Of all the hunts you’d been on, you can’t remember feeling quite so bad as this one. The scratches on your face burned and ached, the dirt that was surely smeared across it doing nothing to help as you tried your hardest not to touch your cheek. Your ankle throbbed with every step, the pressure placed upon it nearly pushing you to tears as you walked along as quickly as you could, hoping more than anything that you weren’t leading yourself further away from them, further away from Dean.

You knew he’d be mad, you knew he’d be absolutely livid when he finds you. If he finds you. That very thought weighed heavy on your mind and made your stomach twist in knots and swirl with nausea. There was a very real possibility that they wouldn’t, your battery was dead and it was getting all the more dark outside and you knew what your chances were but you tried not to think about it. You tried but it stayed in the back of your mind and tried desperately to push to the front of it.

He’d be pissed, he would and you knew it because putting your own life on the line for the sake of saving his was never something he’d want you of all people to do. You wouldn’t be surprised if he asked you to stop hunting with them, and the thought alone made a pang run through your heart.

You shook your head to rid yourself of the thought, brows furrowed as you took a deep breath. You’d hunted a myriad of different monsters, more than you can count and certainly a terrifying array of them. They were deadly and they were scary, they were dangerous and they were cruel but you couldn’t help the fear that settled within you now the sky was nearly completely dark. The lack of moonlight had worked against you, nearly impossible to see more than a few feet ahead of you amongst dozens and dozens of trees. Every gust of wind, every noise, everything.

You were scared.

You didn’t dare use your flashlight, too scared to cast attention upon yourself and you found it impossible for anything out there to not be able to spot you. You felt like you stuck out like a sore thumb with the way you heard your heartbeat in your ears louder than ever. Or the way your breaths were shaky and labored and unable to be controlled.

The rain that drizzled a little heavier over you was beginning to seep through your clothes, chilling any exposed skin and wetting your hair almost completely by this point. You were sure it’d be worse if there weren’t any trees, but then again you didn’t get so lucky.

You couldn’t help but remind yourself how utterly on your own you were, body stiff as you walked along in the mud. The mere sound of a stick snapping in the near distance had you on edge, tears welling in your eyes as you weighed over the options of your fate in your mind in a taunting loop of negativity and fear.

Your lip quivered and your hands shook, clutching tight to your bag as you looked all around you. Tears mixed with rain to the point where you couldn’t even tell if you’d been crying real tears if it weren’t for the pressure behind your eyes and the ache you felt from trying to suppress them. You weren’t going to bother trying to act tough in that moment, there was no need when it was just you.

It wasn’t until then that you heard that voice, the gruffness of that ever familiar voice in an echo of your name. Your heart flipped in your chest and at first you thought you might have just imagined it, might have just thought you heard it amongst the rain, but it sounds again.

“Dean?” You said softly, disbelief in your voice before you raised it. “Dean!”

You picked up your pace in his direction, glancing over your shoulder cautiously. The tears rolled faster and your heart rate spiked, that fear in your mind lessening a fraction at the sound of his voice even if it was still not as close as you’d like.

You overlooked the pain in your ankle no matter how much it hurt, too distracted with finding your way back to Sam and Dean. The sooner you found them the sooner you could get out of those woods, and the sooner you could get cleaned up in a place much kinder on the eyes than tree after tree in a rain-dampened and dark area.

It felt like something straight out of a movie and you were waiting for the antagonist to pop out in front of you, waiting to be preyed upon by some big scary monster and you knew that wasn’t so far out of the question for you. Not with the life you had.

The distinct sound of sticks snapping and leaves crunching behind you was unmissable, unmistakable as you tensed. You swallowed thickly at the slosh of the footfalls behind you, heart hammering nearly too loud to hear anything else. It wasn’t until you felt a hand grab your elbow that you screamed once more, expecting to hear Dean call out from farther away at the sound of it. You screamed and you turned around, eyes wide with fear.

“Sweetheart, it’s me. It’s Dean,” he rushed, voice calmer than you expected.

It took you a moment for you to realize, for your eyes to bounce over his face and for the fear to settle and your frown was inevitable as you fought your tears.

In a matter of seconds you wrapped your arms around him, face hidden against his chest and you didn’t care how much it hurt the scratches adorning your cheek. That tension you held loosened considerably in his embrace, and it’s something he didn’t fail to notice. You missed the way his brows furrowed as his chin rested atop your head or the purse in his lips, the way he squeezed his eyes shut or the look of relief he gave Sam with traces of worry and anger within it.

He found you now, and you were safe.

You were quiet as you stood at the small bathroom counter, leaned over the edge a little as you cleaned around the scratches on your cheek. You were proving to do an awful job and you could see it by the look on Dean’s face when he walked in the bathroom. He could see the way you winced even from where he stood by the bed of the motel room, he saw it and he knew you hated doing it.

“C’mon,” he said, patting the counter a couple times.

“I got it, Dean,” you say softly, the sharp gasp you take in immediately after doing nothing to help you.

You sigh as you drop the dampened cotton ball in his palm, hopping up on the counter. You saw the dimples by the corners of his mouth and you saw the crease between his brows, telling of just how discontent he truly was and it had you biting the inside of your other cheek.

He was quick to clean it up with a light hand, careful not to hurt you as his other hand settled on your cheek to hold you still. You could feel the tension in the small room, could cut it with a knife, and it wasn’t going to go away any time soon so long as none of you said anything.

You tried to think about the way his breath fanned over your face instead, soft and warm in the pattern of his breathing as he cleaned you up with all the gentleness in the world. Gentle and tender despite the frustration simmering in the pit of his stomach, threatening to spill.

Actually, it did.

“We gonna talk about what happened today?” He asked, voice quiet and tone angry as his brow raised a fraction.

“Wasn’t planning on it,” you mumble, averting your gaze as you turned your head, only for him to redirect it back as he finished what he was doing.

“‘Course not,” he said, breathing out a huff through his nose.

You roll your eyes and hop down from the counter, hearing his sigh as he tossed the dirtied cotton ball in the trash along with the others you’d gone through, his lips pressing together momentarily as he followed behind you into the room.

You still weren’t over it, you were still shaken despite this being your own fault. It was your fault and you knew that, you were the one playing hero and while you didn’t regret it for a second, you were still on the verge of tears. You were still cold and upset and still reaping the consequences of your decision by the pain on your face and in your ankle.

“Yeah, ‘course not,” you say, tightening his flannel around your shoulders before digging around in your duffel bag.

It didn’t last very long as he grabbed your hand and spun you around to face him, his displeasure more than evident.

“Please don’t try and save me, sweetheart, I’m not—”

“What, you’re not worth it?” You say, watching his lips purse deeper. “You might think that about yourself but I never will, and you’re just going to have to deal with it.”

“You nearly died, Y/n. Do you understand that?” He says, voice a little louder now. “You almost died out there all by yourself. How the hell am I supposed to live with that? How easy do you think it’d be for me to go on every damn day knowing you died just to save my ass?”

You were quiet for a moment as you looked up at him, brows knitted together. “Well, I’m not dead, Dean. So I guess you don’t have to.”

He scoffed as he threw his hands up, letting one fall back to his side as the other pinches the bridge of his freckled nose for a moment or two. He hates how you’re brushing this off, hates how you don’t know just how much of a wreck he was. Sam had never seen his brother so distraught, had never seen him so turned upside down the moment you were lost. It tore him to shreds, tore him apart from the inside out until he found you and that feeling still won’t stop. It won’t stop because he knows this won’t be the last time you do it.

“I’m not worth it, alright? I’m not worth layin’ six feet under, sweetheart. And not by the hands of some freakin’ werewolf either,” he says, frustrated as ever.

Your brows furrow deeper, frown tugs down deeper as you look at him.

“You think you’re the only one that gets to protect people? You think you’re the only one that gets to save someone? Is that what you think, Dean?”

“Y/n—”

“You might not give a damn about yourself, in fact, I know you don’t give a crap,” you say, your finger poking into his chest. “But I do. I care.”

You hated the way your voice faltered and the way your lip wobbled under the pressure of your tears, hated the way those very tears glossed over your eyes, ready to fall with a mere blink. He saw it, he saw it all and he pulled you close before you could crumble completely.

His hand ran over your head, hair still rain dampened and he could feel just how cold you still were. He could feel the way you shook, no matter how faint it was. You could act tough all you want, but he knew you were hurting and he knew when to shut up. You were stronger than he’d ever be, that’s how he always saw you and always will. But you fall apart sometimes and he’ll pick up the pieces without hesitation every single time. Every time.

“I’m here, sweetheart. I’m still here,” he murmured, words soft against your skin as he kissed your forehead.

You nod against him then, sniffling softly. You take a little while for your tears to die down, a little while of the soft sways of his embrace and it’s one that’s near bone crushing, of the way his thumb brushed back and forth against your shoulder blade, or the way his stubble felt brushing against your forehead.

It took a little while until you pulled back a bit, looking up at him with that look that turns his heart to mush every single time you give it. He sees those scratches on your face and he’s biting his tongue, fighting the anger that’s beginning to bubble up once more. Not at you, but at that werewolf that was two seconds from tearing his sweetheart to shreds. The thought made him furious but he pushed it down for your sake.

You lean on your toes and kiss him softly, one that lingered as his hand settled on your cheek. He kissed you once, twice, three times more as his nose bumps against your own, foreheads pressed against one another as your hand presses lightly around the back of his neck, your thumb brushing along his jaw. It set him at ease, you know it did.

“I’m not goin’ anywhere either,” you murmur, feeling his nod against you, felt his hum against your lips before he kisses you again. You knew he wouldn’t let it go that easily, knew it for a fact, but he’d bring it up some other day.

He’d always find you, you could count on it—he’d always find his way back to you.

—

Tags: @flamencodiva @stixnstripesworld @elegantbutedgy @humanmistakes @campingmonkey @agalliasi @deandaydreaming @lanea-1 @akshi8278 @kidd3ath @taikawho

[kinncman]

A LIST OF PLOTLESS TOWN RP-FRIENDLY CHARACTER IDEAS & CONNECTIONS INSPIRED BY MOVIES! (PART 1)

click here for part two.

i collected a couple of plot ideas from some of the movies i thought had interesting stories or characters that i hope can help you with your applications / character connections. please note that a lot of these are, by no means, the actual plots of the films and are only inspired by them. i’ve taken the liberty of making a couple of edits for them to be ‘plotless town rp-friendly’. also, i would’ve separated them by category (platonic, romantic, familial, etc.) but tbh a lot of these can be taken in any way so feel free to put your own spin on them, too, or even make combinations!

trigger warnings: nothing too specific, but there are light mentions of death, road accident, infidelity, illness, injury, drug addiction.

now, without further ado:

BAY OF ANGELS  // muse a met muse b on a vacation several years ago, brought together because they were both from the same home country and realized that they were traveling to run away from something. muse a came to learn that this wasn’t muse b’s first rodeo, and where this was the first time that muse a had tried to run away from their problems, muse b had been running for most of their life. muse b initially wished to emulate the same free-spirited, high-risk-high-reward principles that muse a lived by. however, muse b started to display totally erratic behavior that prompted muse a to question whether they were making the right choices. eventually, they went home. jump to present day where they meet again in their home country— muse b has toned down somewhat due to a traumatic event (a hard lesson to learn for them) meanwhile, muse a’s life remains the same cycle of events they can’t seem to break free from.

CLEO FROM 5 TO 7 // muse a suspects they are sick but refuses to go to the doctor to have it checked. most of their days are plagued with this feeling of doom enshrouding them, causing them to have a general distaste for life. they meet muse b who has profoundly positive disposition towards life. their company helps muse a to come to terms with the fact that perhaps their illness is something they should deal with. with muse b’s help, muse a starts to find meaning in death.

HAPPY OLD YEAR // muse a left town / the country for college, leaving behind all their friends and family, cutting all ties in a heartbeat, only to come back several years later a completely changed person who subscribes to the idea of minimalism and wants to get rid of all the clutter in their life, material or otherwise. this brings them to reconnect with muse b (and a variety of other muses if the mun wishes) when they find their old belongings and return them in order to be ‘minimalist’ and get rid of all the garbage in their home, which means getting rid of memories, too. however, muse b, who has now moved on from muse a and is with someone else, isn’t too pleased with having muse a back in their life. muse a is desperate to find the closure that muse b isn’t giving them, primarily because muse b knows that muse a is after starting over on a clean slate only to clear their conscience and not to make amends.

YI-YI: A ONE AND A TWO // muse a and muse b were each other’s first and greatest loves but are currently married to other people. when they are reunited through a chance encounter, they decide that it’s better to have each other in their lives as friends than not at all. they realize they still do have feelings for each other but because of their spouses, know that they can never be anything else other than friends. thus begins a journey of trying to bring their old selves back into the light as new people.

MIKEY AND NICKY // muse a and muse b are best friends since childhood. muse a is neurotic, childish, and wildly impulsive, and often has to depend on muse b to get them out of trouble only to show very little gratitude for it, much to muse b’s chagrin. in fact, muse b often finds themself thrown under the bus in muse a’s favor, though it’s not entirely muse a’s fault: muse b is an enabler. however, muse b can’t quite seem to quit muse a (either because they love the feeling of being needed and there’s no one who needs them more than muse a or maybe they’ve been in love with muse a since childhood— or both) until a certain event causes muse b to question whether they are healthy for each other at all.

IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE // muse a and muse b are neighbors, both living with their significant others. both muse a and muse b often see each other in the hallways or share an elevator up to their apartment when they come home from work. maybe they even carpool sometimes. however, they spare very little in the way of words until one day, muse a breaks down while drunk and admits that they think their partner is cheating on them. in an attempt to comfort them, muse b reveals that they think the same thing of their own partner. desperate for answers, they conduct an investigation until they realize that their partners are cheating on them with each other. muse a and muse b become each other’s support system, as they try to coach each other through an impending breakup all the while realizing that they might be developing feelings for each other and must now choose between indulging their feelings or deny themselves the hypocrisy.

TAKE THIS WALTZ // muse a meets muse b on a trip out of town and they instantly connect. they share the same flight back home and even a cab ride from the airport. however, they soon realize that muse b is muse a’s new neighbor, which makes things plenty awkward considering how a) they’ve been borderline flirty the whole time and b) muse a is married to someone who they now consider to be far less interesting in comparison to muse b. regardless, once they’ve recognized a mutual attraction with each other, muse a demands for muse b to keep their distance, only to keep running into each other everywhere, much to muse a’s chagrin.

LAST LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE // muse a is witness to a terrible road accident involving a pedestrian. muse a takes the pedestrian and their sibling, muse b to the hospital where muse b’s sibling is declared dead on arrival. despite being total strangers, muse a stays with muse b through the entire process. eventually, muse a takes muse b home but muse a refuses to let muse b leave, claiming they don’t want to be left alone in the house that they previously shared with their now deceased sibling. having money troubles of their own and on the brink of an eviction, muse a ends up staying with muse b not just for the night but for the week until they get comfortable enough with each other that muse b invites muse a to officially live with them to help with their financial problems, but mostly because they don’t know how to handle their grief alone.

THE FALL // muse a is in an outpatient physical rehabilitation facility after suffering from a near-fatal injury when they meet muse b. the pair are polar opposites in terms of their attitudes towards recovery: where muse a is more hopeful, muse b only throws pity parties for themself considering that this injury might prevent them from fully getting back to doing what they love. despite this, the two form an unlikely bond where muse b is completely enthralled with muse a, who tells them stories about their travels and their career and all the amazing things they’ve done, without realizing until they’re in too deep that they are all fabricated versions of the truth and muse b falls for every single one of them. what started as little white lies becomes a source of anxiety for muse a when the lies just get bigger and bigger.

COLUMBUS // muse a is a young, aspiring [insert career here] but to pursue this passion, they must leave their hometown, which they have constantly been refusing to do despite the numerous opportunities having been presented to them on account of the fear that no one else is going to take care of their mother (who, in the movie, is a recovering drug addict but it can be for any reason or relative in this case). muse b’s father is a well-known [insert career that muse a wants here] and is in town to hold a lecture/exhibit/performance/etc etc depending on the career, but then he suffers from a stroke. muse b, despite being estranged from their father for having been scrutinized by the man for most of their life, is forced to come to town and take care of him being their closest living relative. they meet muse a by chance, only to learn shortly after that they are a huge fan of muse b’s parent’s work. having spent their whole life in this town, muse a becomes muse b’s tour guide of sorts, while inadvertently helping each other come to terms with their relationship with their parents and how they can be kinder to themselves.

SECRET SUNSHINE // after their spouse’s passing, muse a moves from the big city to their spouse’s much, much smaller hometown so they can raise their child there. they meet all of the important figures of their spouse’s childhood including muse b, a local shopkeeper and an old friend of their spouse’s, who, despite muse a’s reluctance, helps them adjust to small town life. the pair eventually closer to each other and muse a to their spouse as they find out more about who they were before they met.

THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU // (originally lgbtqia+ and written about older characters with grown children, but make of this plot what u will, tbh) muse a and muse b are best friends. both married, both with grown kids. muse a’s spouse died a long time ago so they’ve had plenty of time to help muse b take care of their spouse in the couple of months leading to that spouse’s death. in the process, the pair have grown intimate (with muse b’s spouse’s knowledge— in fact, they encouraged muse a to ‘take care’ of muse b in the event of their passing and wouldn’t trust anyone else to do so) but haven’t told their families yet in fear of what they might think of them given their age and how they’re basically uncles/aunts to each other’s children.

[ushidoux]

Be My Last - Iwaizumi x Reader

Summary: You have trouble getting over a past relationship and it’s preventing you from moving forward. (~3.5k words)

Warnings: stubborn ass reader, very slight nsfw at the end

A/N: It took me a long time to write this because I have trouble with fluff and also trouble with characterizing Iwa lmfao, I might need a second watch. I hope you enjoy! Happy Thanksgiving!

Part 1|| Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5

---

“Are you serious?! Are you really saying no to this face?”

Your best friend was now leaning so far across the fast food dining table that she had practically climbed on top of it, holding up her phone just inches from your face to force you to take a better look at the picture of the blind date she had arranged for you. 

Your eyes crossed uncomfortably by reflex and you pulled back sharply to grab the phone from her and take a better look. On second glance, you had to admit that the guy standing next to Oikawa was quite good-looking, a couple inches shorter but with a sturdier build, sharper features and just enough scowl in his facial expression to intrigue you. 

In fact, he was exactly your type.

“Just one date,” your friend insisted. “You’ve been pining over your ex for almost a year now! You don’t have to fall in love but maybe a small distraction? Plus, double dates would be so fun, come onnnnn~”

Your friend was only rarely this animated so you knew she really wanted this but the idea of even considering romance again after being dumped so harshly before was so undesirable that you stubbornly shook your head instead and took another bite of your burger.

“___, please?”

You frowned, and your friend’s pout grew deeper once she realized there was a pretty good chance you wouldn’t budge about this. After all, you’d rejected every single person that so much as looked in your direction so effectively these past few months that it had essentially become an afterthought.

She leaned back in her seat, occupying herself now with picking out a particularly long fry off of the platter you were sharing, trying to minimize her disappointment. Despite how much she hoped you would say yes, she could understand why you felt the way you did.

“I’m sorry,” you offered, sipping on your drink. She let out a defeated sigh.

“Well, I’ll try to figure out a compassionate way to let Iwa now that you’re not interested. Honestly, Oikawa will probably be more offended by it than me.”

At this last comment, her eyes twinkled softly with a mild amusement and she started to text her boyfriend. However, knowing that it would possibly be a bigger deal to reject Oikawa’s best friend right off the bat than to just endure a date once, you reconsidered.

“Fine! Stop, I don’t need Tooru yelling in my ears. I’ll go.”

She smiled. You’d fallen right into her trap.

---

Exactly 72 hours later almost to the minute, you found yourself standing before the duo of childhood friends at the entrance of a town fair, your friend by your side.

Oikawa’s partner-in-crime was, to both your surprise and chagrin, even better looking in person. Kinder too, if you discounted the glare he shot at Oikawa when he introduced him mock affectionately as ‘Iwa-chan, his very best friend in the whole wide world’. You stifled a laugh as Iwa released Oikawa from a headlock, and introduced yourself politely to him noticing the very faint pinking of the ears that accompanied the softening of his expression as he shifted his attention to you.

A small fluster you couldn’t help but find cute was evident in his voice as he shared his full name - Iwaizumi Hajime. Strike one. 

Strike two was the careful distance he left between you two as you walked through the street fair, just steps behind Oikawa and your friend who trekked confidently and comfortably linked hand in hand. His questions were respectful but pointed, like he truly wanted to get to know you as much as possible, and as he listened he leaned in just so, making sure to hear you clearly over the bustle of the busy crowds.

He helped you with your safety belts as you strapped in together on small thrill rides and you could catch his furtive glances in the corner of your eyes as you laughed and screamed.

A part of you wondered if it was too quick, if it was a bad omen that he already appeared smitten with you despite having just met. However, you had missed the feeling of someone liking you genuinely and explicitly so, dating back from even before you had started having problems in your last relationship, so you appreciated it wholeheartedly.

Strike three was him immediately setting a time and a date to meet again, without the hovering presence of your best friends, which he emphasized loudly to listening ears behind you (Oikawa made his disappointment at being excluded quite apparent by groaning loudly within earshot).

“I really enjoyed spending time with you today, ___.”

It wasn’t too much, wasn’t too little and wasn’t too soon.

“So did I.” You replied with a smile more genuine than you’d had for months.

---

Date two went as smoothly as date one.

Dinner and a movie, a classic. Iwa had chosen a psychological thriller that you had been looking forward to for a couple weeks and prior to meeting you’d started to text back and forth regularly about theories, so thereafter sprang forth endless spirited debates. As the evening progressed, you noticed him yielding earlier and earlier, and you noticed that he got quieter as the night went on, preferring to sit back and watch you talk. You couldn’t tell if it was the few cocktails with dinner but soon you were distracted by eyes that rested on you easily with an accompanied smile. It was enough to make your face grow warm.

“Am I talking too much?” You asked, sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I get like this when I’m excited.”

“I love hearing you talk,” he replied with a small laugh. “No one can talk as much as Oikawa so don’t worry.”

Your smile spread from ear to ear and you could feel your bruised heart grow ever so slightly.

---

Date three, four and five had you swept off your feet and you found yourself falling between hikes, picnics and aquarium trips. 

Which was why when your friend called you to gloat about how she was right about you two all along, you realized just how deep you had fallen and almost instantly, that familiar fear that you had been nursing for the past year settled back into your consciousness.

You couldn’t bear another heartbreak. The thought of Iwa’s warm smiles becoming addictive and constantly craving the feel of his hands on your skin only to then be discarded like a participation ribbon hung heavy on you.

“I.. I don’t think I can keep seeing him,” you said, in sudden realization, despite the fact that you had been gushing about your dates just minutes earlier.

You could hear a pause on the other end of the line, and then your friend asked softly, “Is it because you still miss him?” 

The other him. Of course you did, you still lived in the apartment the two of you had shared right after college, having given yourself multiple excuses not to move out. You hadn’t even bothered to change the decorations you’d bought together and thus every part of this place reminded you of him. 

You even watered the plants he had left behind every morning. You couldn’t tell if it was because you had grown attached to them or worse - because you thought maybe, just maybe, if he ever came back, he’d want to know that you were always nursing your love.

“I’m… not sure,” you replied.

Your friend sighed audibly into the phone.

“You’re missing out on someone great, but I’ll support you regardless.”

---

Your graduate classes ended late the next evening, and you stumbled into your apartment with mild exhaustion, kicking off your shoes and slipping off your jeans before plopping on your bed.

Iwa had said he wanted to come see you, and even though just a few days ago you had been excited at the prospect of spending time with him in your own home, your stomach fluttered with a different type of alarm when you considered the fact that if you were to tell him you were no longer interested in letting whatever was between you bloom, it would have to be now.

Would it be better to tell him over text message or on the phone or in person? You didn’t want to see the look on his face when you hurt him; you knew it would change your resolve. 

If you called him on the phone, would you be able to withstand hearing the disappointment in his voice? Would he demand a reason, and would he tell you your weak one wasn’t enough?

If you sent him a simple text and then blocked his number, would you be the awful person too chickenshit to say the words to his face?

Your phone buzzed just as you were paralyzed with your choices.

I’m 20 minutes away. How was your class?

You froze.

20 minutes to make a decision. Would you have him come all this way just to drop him without a very good reason in the comfort of your own home?

You stared at your phone for five minutes longer, perseverating, only to be startled out of your trance when you saw his name flash over the front. You forgot you had read receipts on; it had never been a problem before.

“Hey, are you okay?” His voice dripped of concern. “You read but didn’t answer.”

“Y-yeah, of course! Class was good… I’ll see you in a bit.”

---

You soon wished you hadn’t let Iwa into your apartment. Now that he was here snuggled with you on the couch, close enough that you could take in his scent, all you could think of was the thought of his lips on yours.

5 dates and you hadn’t yet kissed. Maybe that was for the best, you were planning to break up with him anyway, weren’t you?

You weren’t exactly sure when you had crept so close to each other, but your head now rested gently on his shoulder and his hand had at some point snaked around your waist to pull you against him. You could feel your heart pound in your chest as you stayed close in the dark, and maybe you could feel his own heart beat, steady as his breathing despite the tension building in the air.

You had lost track of the plot of the movie on your flat screen long ago, too preoccupied with the flurry of potential ensuing scenes between you in your head.

What would stop you from going full speed ahead? The fear that you wouldn’t matter enough to him once months came to pass and he learned just how far short you fell from his perfect perception of you? Or that you would once again find yourself in darkness, wondering how many times you’d open your heart only to wish you had kept it guarded?

Or maybe it was the reality that you weren’t sure that you really wanted to move on?

Iwa was a good person, he didn’t deserve your hesitation.

He shifted ever so slightly beside you and in the backlight of the flashing scenes on the television screen, you could see his eyes settle on your lips.

“Is it okay if we-,” he started, only to be interrupted by the fact that you had already pulled him in by the shirt collar and were lost in the taste of him on your tongue. You could tell he was surprised, but Iwa leaned into your kiss, pulling you now fully onto his lap and holding you steady by the waist as the two of you made out. 

Your hands crept up to his face, fingers gently trailing then cupping the curve of his jaw, and the longer you kissed, the more of him you wanted. When his hands started to tug just slightly at the edge of your shirt to warn you he was going underneath, you tensed but nodded to allow him to palm a breast and roll a nipple between two fingers.

A soft moan left you, renewed when Iwa’s lips left your mouth to kiss a spot just before your earlobe, and his other hand pressed firmly into the small of your back to secure you even closer to him, close enough that you could feel his bulge pressing through his jeans and against your body. Knowing that you could feel him, he whispered breathily into your ear:

“I won’t continue if you don’t want me to.”

Did you want him to continue?

You pulled back from him to study his face, glowing with an earnest desire for you and suddenly you felt so guilty. 

“I… I think we should stop here,” you choked out, ignoring the warmth in your cheeks and the flicker of disappointment in his face, and you slowly climbed off him, embarrassed as you stood on your feet.

He didn’t ask why and replied with acceptance.

“Okay.”

---

What he didn’t accept was you finally telling him you no longer wanted to see him in a text message hastily conjured in the middle of the night after a particularly hard day.

He called immediately and you let the phone ring, biting your lip the entire six rings it took for him to give up. He didn’t leave a voice message, but sent you a short text.

I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Can we please talk?

You fought back the urge to cry as you turned over to go to sleep.

He called again in the morning, and when you ignored his call for a second time, the unreasonable part of you waited for a follow-up voicemail or text message which never came. Good for you. You couldn’t understand your own feelings right now and you didn’t deserve to have him sort them out for you.

At least if you acted like a bitch, he would drop you before you could change your mind.

---

“A text message? Really?”

Your friend had dropped by the following Saturday morning for brunch and while you had dreaded this conversation, you had expected it to happen and steeled yourself for the admonishment. You shrugged, avoiding looking at her in the eyes and focusing on watering the plants at your windowsill. Your friend watched you carefully, irritation bubbling within her in response to your stubborn silence.

“I wouldn’t be so insistent if I knew you didn’t like him, but you do! Everyone can see it!”

You didn’t reply, opening your blinds instead. Plants needed lots of sun in addition to water.

“___, I didn’t want to be harsh but he’s not coming back. Even if it’s not with Iwa, please… please get over him.”

You finally turned and gave her a meaningful look, tears now coming to your eyes. Your friend’s mouth fell slightly ajar and realizing just how harsh her truth had been, she got up from your kitchen table and walked over to you to envelop you in a hug as you came undone.

---

A total of three weeks passed, and you finally admitted to yourself that you missed Iwa but it was clearly too late to fix anything. Calling him up would just get you ignored (and rightfully so) and you couldn’t bear to send another text message after ghosting him. Instead you watered your ex’s plants and focused on your classes.

Your best friend had forgiven you for your cruelty even though she let you know she was still suffering from Oikawa’s wrath on your behalf, so instead you decided to distract yourself by going out with other friends and picking up new hobbies.

A girl you were getting to know from class was very excited about a new high-end gym that had opened with nice amenities including a pool and a sauna and free physical training sessions with membership so you indulged her by going as a guest on a weekend.

You had to admit that the place was beautiful, and you made a beeline for the elliptical, a tried and true contraption. She had been making a fuss about one of the instructors being attractive which you had in all honesty paid very little attention to, until she dragged you by the arm to hiss into your ear.

“There he is, don’t look too obviously.”

You turned to find yourself staring straight at Iwaizumi Hajime, physical trainer.

“Oh shit, he’s looking at you,” she whispered, but you were already making your way to the exit. “Wait, where are you going?”

Your pace had gone from a walk to almost a run.

“____!” you heard him call behind you as you scurried as fast as you could off of the premises. Embarrassing. So, so embarrassing.

His voice was starting to sound aggravated, and your run stuttered to a standstill. What were you doing? Running from someone because you told them you didn’t want to date them?

He caught up to you in the parking lot and he no longer smiled; there was a tinge of mild irritation that graced his facial expression as he looked at you.

“Please stop running from me. You don’t need to make it awkward… I... I’m not thinking about it.” He glanced away at the last statement, but you knew he was being sincere while you were being ridiculous.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered, and you thought maybe you would say more but he cut you off.

“You don’t have to be sorry. Have a good workout. If you need any help, I’m available, as are the other instructors.”

Professional and curt, he bowed before turning, and before you realized what you were doing, you found yourself tugging onto the sleeve of his shirt to hold him back. When he looked back to you again, while he didn’t give you the fierce scowl he reserved for Oikawa, his expression was still harsh as he looked down at you, waiting to see what you had to say.

What did you want to say? You already said you were sorry, there wasn’t much else to add.

Words failed you and you recoiled ever so slightly. He sighed audibly, and turned fully to face you.

“___, please don’t play with my feelings.”

You deflated as he waited just a few more moments for you to come up with the courage to say you still wanted him, and when you were unable to come up with the words, he bowed again, and returned to the building. 

Moments later, you texted your friend to tell her you were sorry, but you were going home immediately.

---

It was a few minutes past 9pm and you had all but forgotten the sting of Iwa’s words as you focused on homework, listening to lo-fi music to help you concentrate. Your phone buzzed once, and you expected maybe your classmate to yell at you again for ditching her, but instead you found a message from Iwa. 

I’m sorry for speaking to you that way.

Your heart thumped hard once in your chest, and you flipped your phone over to get back to work, but it was too late. Your concentration was shot for the night.

I’m ready to listen to whatever you have to say, a second message read.

What would happen if you wore your heart on your sleeve just one more time? 

Iwa called you before you could call him, and this time you picked up, breathing a hesitant “Hello?” into the phone.

“___, I like you. A lot,” he paused, as those words sank into your heart. “I’m sorry, I wanted to get that out of the way.”

“I do, too,” you replied just as quickly. 

Another pause. You swallowed hard and continued,

“I just don’t want to hurt you.”

His reply was fast. “You couldn’t if you tried.”

You frowned. “You don’t understand… I still think I have some unresolved feelings for someone else, and I just… I don’t want to wrong you in the long run.”

Another pause. You pressed your eyes shut, anticipating the worst, whatever it was. It felt as though you were on the line for ages, until suddenly Iwa finally spoke.

“Try me.”

“What?” Your shock was audible, and he repeated himself. 

“Use me if you need to.”

You couldn’t believe what he was saying. 

“But-”

“I know we’ve only been seeing each other for a short time, but I can’t explain it… I know I’m willing to risk it.” The confidence in his voice was almost shocking, and it made your heart swell. 

“Hajime…” 

“May I come over?”

---

The conversation ended with Iwa promising you that he’d make you forget your ex, your faces now just inches from each other, him hovering above you as you laid on your back in the comfort of your bed, eyes feasting on his exemplary physique. Starting up where you left off just three weeks prior, you held onto him for dear life as his hips rolled against you, his body pistoning into you carefully and precisely, his hands gentle and steady, and both of your hearts full.

If you were worried about using him, then don’t. Use him as much as you need to. He was giving you permission, is what he said.

Would you take advantage of him? 

Now that you were in his embrace, you found it unlikely: for the very first time in a year, you knew that while you weren’t in love yet, you could feel yourself falling very, very soon.

[kitkat1003]

I just like this au in my head I really need to just talk about it more under the cut.

Basically after the events of episode 10 MK gets possessed by the White Bone Spirit and it slowly manipulates him to do its bidding by telling him that the things he does will make his friends and family happy and safe and never want to leave him.  He loses touch with reality and goes on a rampage, turning his city and the surrounding areas into an icy wasteland

Basically all of his enemies and Sandy and Tang have been frozen in a sort of ice stasis, and MK has them all lined up underground at DBK’s old hideout.  He talks with them from time to time, because no one else is around.  There are only a few moments of clarity, but at the moment he’s too far gone.  He hasn’t even noticed his change in color scheme, and besides, keeping his friends like this means they’ll be safe, and villains being imprisoned is their just desserts  

The only few able to stand against him are Monkey King, Mei, Red Son, Pigsy, and Macaque.

Macaque joined the party after narrowly escaping MK’s wrath, and he helps only because he knows if he doesn’t he’ll end up a popsicle just like the rest of the demons who went up against Possessed!MK.

Red Son escaped when his parents were frozen, because his fire powers allowed him to be the perfect counter.  He’s the heaviest hitter of the group, because his fire melts MK’s ice strikes.  He’s being trained by Sun Wukong and Macaque, which is a very awkward practice.  Mei doesn’t trust him, and Monkey King doesn’t like him, but they treat him kinder than his parents ever have.  Macaque’s attitude is the most familiar, so Red Son sticks closer to him, though he’s softening under the quiet praise of Monkey King and the culinary masterpiece that is Pigsy’s noodles.  

Plus, he kind of misses the noodle boy.  Whatever MK has become…it isn’t pretty.

Pigsy hits the second hardest, because while he doesn’t have the strength Red Son does, MK values Pigsy’s opinion the most.  So, when Pigsy talks about how he just wants MK to stop, it actually will distract MK for a moment and allow for Red Son to get an opening.  Pigsy spends most of his time making food and mother henning the two children he can actually get through to.  He doesn’t talk to Monkey King, and when he has to he’s always gruff.  This is Monkey King’s fault, after all, dragging MK into this nonsense.

Macaque and Mei are tied for third.  Macaque is more evasive because he really doesn’t want to get frozen, so he doesn’t fight in close contact and uses his shadow clones more often than not, and Mei pulls her punches because MK is her friend, and she has little grasp on her powers. 

Mei doesn’t really smile anymore.  She trains and makes plans and only cracks a smile when Pigsy pulls it out of her.  She hates Red Son and Monkey King because they’re the reason MK is like this-Monkey King for making MK his successor, and Red Son/his family for being the reason the White Bone Spirit even got out.  Red Son is slowly cracking her shell with how hard he’s trying to help, but she’s still feeling empty without MK by her side.

Macaque, when not training Mei or Red Son, bothers Monkey King.  Because Monkey King is morose and quiet, and Macaque wants a challenge.  He pokes and prods and manages to get Monkey King out of his funks.  As much as the two dislike each other due to their history, they’re slowly getting along.  Maybe even a bit too well…

The weakest against MK is Sun Wukong himself.  Monkey King can’t take the staff back, it’s frozen to MK’s hand.  Close combat puts him at a disadvantage because MK is always aiming to capture and not kill, so Monkey King has to mostly use clones as well.

And, well, Monkey King has taken this whole thing the hardest.  His successor is foreign to him now, lost, and Monkey King didn’t even see it coming.  He spends most of his days depressed and quiet, because Flower Fruit Mountain is the only safe place from the person he failed to protect, so now it’s a reminder of his failure instead of a safe haven of home.  When he fights, he always hesitates and he sustains the most injuries of the group.

Just like when Macaque used MK’s face against him, Monkey King can’t bring himself to strike MK, and that makes him weak.

[witcher-and-his-bard-archive]

now on ao3

In all the years they've travelled together, the only person they've ever come across on the road is Yennefer, much to Jaskier's immense displeasure. And then proceeded to run into her suspiciously often. Geralt puts it down to a wish or some such nonsense, but Jaskier doesn't care why so long as he doesn't have to spend any more time with her than he has to.

So when he hears Geralt talking to someone as he makes his way back to camp, his heart sinks immediately, expecting it to be Yennefer. But when Geralt makes it up to the campfire, there are two people with him, neither of whom are Yen. There are a taller blond man and a slim woman with bright eyes, neither of whom Jaskier recognizes.

"Jaskier," Geralt grunts, "we have company."

Thank you, Jaskier thinks, I can see that. He doesn't roll his eyes, but only because he doesn't want to make a bad impression on their guests.

"How wonderful!" he says, turning and crossing the camp to greet them.

The woman - Gwendolyn - introduces them, explaining that her partner Dominic once fought alongside Geralt to rid their village of a swarm of kikimores. Jaskier raises his eyes at the Witcher, but Geralt ignores him. There's a golden story in there somewhere and Jaskier makes it his job to learn it in full - if not from Geralt, maybe from Gwen.

Gwen is also a bard and Jaskier instantly adores her. She seems less interested in the fighting and adventures that Dominic goes on than Jaskier is with Geralt, but they find common ground in their music. And it's nice to have someone who really appreciates what is one of the most important things in Jaskier's life.

Geralt invites them to travel with them, much to Jaskier's surprise and Gwen and Dominic set their tent up next to Geralt's. Jaskier is looking forward to having company, even just for a few days. It's not often he has anyone to talk to other than Geralt and if he's learned anything in their time together, it's that Witchers don't make particularly good conversational companions. So he's glad to have the company, but as the night wears on, Jaskier's happiness dwindles.

Gwen and Dominic are so happy together, constantly touching and laughing and sharing their joint stories of life on the road. They're happy together and very much in love and Jaskier's heart aches wondering if he'll ever share that feeling with someone. He glances over at Geralt where he's prodding at the fire and smiles sadly. Even after all their years together, he can't be with the one he truly loves and seeing friends of Geralt's so happy together hurts in a way he didn't expect.

He's never wanted that one special person in his life; he likes being with different people each night, but he also can't imagine not coming back to Geralt at the end of the day. Geralt is his constant in an unpredictable world, but Jaskier still finds himself wanting more. Even if he shouldn't. Geralt has never made any indication that he'd even be interested in something more and yet Jaskier aches for it.

He curls in on himself when they sleep that night, keeping his distance from Geralt in the small tent and tries to forcibly ignore the empty feeling in his chest. When they wake in the morning, the four of them set out again, travelling at a steady pace.

Gwen joins Jaskier at the back, chatting away happily about the ballad she's working on and Jaskier's spirits rise again. They talk throughout the day as they walk and she asks about Geralt and their time together. Jaskier tells her a little, but leaves out certain details, not willing to face those feelings in the bright light of day.

When they stop for the evening, Jaskier pulls out his lute and plays for them while Geralt gets the tent set up. Dominic and Gwen join him and after a while, Geralt comes and sits next to him, much to Jaskier's surprise. He shares his wine and Jaskier drinks more than he should, overcompensating for the persistent ache in his chest.

Jaskier plays his best songs and Gwen sings along with more of them than Jaskier would expect her to know. He's pleased to know his words reach so far across the continent and it encourages him to sing louder, more enthusiastically. Geralt gives him a look, quirking an eyebrow at him, but Jaskier just winks in response and continues. Geralt may not appreciate him, but their new friends do.

It's not until the fire burns low that the ache returns. Gwen is sprawled in her lover's lap, grinning up at him and Jaskier has never seen someone look so in love. He's pleasantly drunk, toeing the line between a light buzz and too much. When Gwen and Dominic turn in for the night, scurrying away to their tent hand-in-hand, Jaskier excuses himself and slips away into the darkness. He’s not quite ready for bed, but he’s not up to sitting alone with Geralt right now, either.

The moon is full and bright, lighting the field adjacent to their camp and Jaskier strolls through the long grass. He wants what Gwen and Dominic have. He wants to feel that overwhelming adoration and have it reciprocated - even just for a little while. Love comes and goes, but he wants to know how it feels to have someone love him so completely. His romances have been fleeting or have taken place over years with their encounters few and far between; the only person he's been with for longer than a few weeks is Geralt. But Geralt is far from his true love - if there even is one true love for him.

But Geralt is different and Jaskier knows he will always hold a special place in his heart above the rest. Even if their relationship never becomes anything more than it is, Geralt will always be different. But the thought of continuing as they are sits heavy on Jaskier's heart. For the first time since he can remember, he feels alone, unwanted. And he knows it's not Geralt's fault for not wanting him, but he can't help being miserable anyway.

Footsteps approach from behind and he turns to find the Witcher coming up behind him. His hair shines in the moonlight and Jaskier lowers his eyes, smiling sadly.

"Come to bed, Jaskier. We have an early start tomorrow."

"Alright."

Jaskier offers up a smile and follows after him as usual, forcing down the desire to reach out and press up against him.

In the morning, Geralt is missing, but both Gwen and Dominic are sitting outside when Jaskier crawls out of his tent. He keeps his spirits up as well as he can, eating breakfast with their companions and passing his low mood off as sleepiness. When Geralt returns, he seems quieter than usual, but Jaskier suspects it's because this is the third day with travelling companions and Geralt is used to it just being the two of them.

They make it to town that day and Geralt takes on a contract for a ghoul that's been terrorizing the town at night. It means they'll be in town overnight at least and Jaskier books them a room at the inn and settles in while Geralt discusses his terms with the mayor.

Geralt leaves in the late afternoon and takes Dominic with him. Jaskier and Gwen stay behind at the inn, neither one less confused than the other. Jaskier doesn't say anything about it, but he finds himself worrying about what could possibly have spurred Geralt to take a companion to fulfil a contract. He rarely even lets Jaskier go when he promises to sit to one side and not get involved. Jaskier orders them a round of drinks and pushes the thoughts from his mind.

"So tell me about Geralt," Gwen beams, leaning across the table. She stretches her hands out, looking up at him expectantly. He knows what she wants to know, but Jaskier has nothing to offer.

Jaskier tells her everything he can. He recounts their travels together and sings Geralt's praises, talking of his achievements and all the lovely songs Jaskier's written because of him. Gwen just looks at him and he knows none of this is what she wants to hear.

"I've heard your songs," she says, "I want to know about him."

"I think you've got the wrong idea."

"I don't think I do," Gwen says softly. "I see the way you look at him when you don't think anyone is watching. The way you look like you could be happy to spend the rest of your life following blindly after him."

Jaskier opens his mouth to interrupt, but he's silenced with a single look. "Okay," he breathes.

"I also see the way he looks at you," she says, "like he's afraid you're going to walk out of his life one day and he'll never see you again."

"It's not like that. Geralt is my best friend and my muse and I don't know what I would do without him, but it's certainly not mutual. I'm giving him a better name, that's all. It's why he keeps me around." The words keep coming, but Jaskier's heart thuds heavily against his ribcage and he doesn't think he'll be able to stop speaking if Gwen doesn't interrupt him.

"Geralt is..." he falters, trying to come up with something to say and Gwen looks at him with such earnestness that he can't lie to her. "He's beautiful," he admits, "and he's so much kinder than anyone knows and if he wanted to settle down, he'd make a wonderful husband, but-"

"It's not like that?" she asks and Jaskier just offers her a sad smile.

When Geralt and Dominic return, both parties go their separate ways. Dominic and Gwen are moving on, but Jaskier has already rented a room and Geralt is tired and worn out by the time he returns. They say their goodbyes at the door to the inn and Jaskier watches as they saunter away hand-in-hand.

When they turn in, Geralt falls asleep nearly instantly. Fighting really takes a lot out of him and Jaskier pulls a blanket over him, smiling down as Geralt grumbles and rolls over in his sleep. Jaskier sits on the floor, leaning against the bed. He doesn't want to climb into bed with him because Geralt wakes easily and he needs his sleep. And Jaskier doesn't expect to sleep much tonight anyway.

He can't stop thinking about what Gwen said to him. Surely Geralt doesn't really look at him when he's not paying attention. And if he does, it's only to wish him silent.

They head out in the morning, but they don't get far before a storm breaks out. Roach spooks easily at the thunderclaps and Geralt herds them all under the shelter of the trees. They find a stone overhang that's just tall enough for them to crouch under and Geralt ties Roach to a tree a few feet from the entrance and sits with her until she calms.

Jaskier watches from his spot undercover, a small smile creeping onto his face. Geralt really is so soft and gentle and no one ever sees it. No one but him. He pushes himself up to keep from staring and collects as much dry wood as he can find for the fire, stacking it into a neat pile. He's no good at lighting them, but he can get it ready for Geralt to come back.

When he does, Jaskier smiles up at him from his spot against the wall. Geralt takes a seat next to him, quickly forming the sign to light the fire and Jaskier swallows back the spark of arousal that always accompanies Geralt using magic.

"It was nice to have company," he says simply and Geralt hums.

"I think I prefer when it's just the two of us."

Jaskier's heart leaps but he tries not to think too much about it. He smiles up at Geralt and slumps against the wall. Maybe it would be nice to be showered with affection all the time, but when he looks at Geralt, he can't imagine trading him for anything. He watches as Geralt pokes at the fire and realizes no amount of love and affection makes up for what he has now. They might not be together and Jaskier never expects things to change between them, but he loves Geralt for the emotionally unavailable idiot that he is.

They lay their bedrolls out and Geralt stops Jaskier as he moves further toward the back of the shelter. "It's a cold night," he says, "you should move closer."

"To the fire?"

"Hmm."

Jaskier looks up and Geralt is staring down at the ground. The thought that Geralt might want to keep him close bounces around Jaskier's head and he lays his bedroll between Geralt's and the fire. When he lies down, he still feels cold, but Geralt slips up behind him and Jaskier can feel the heat of his body against him. It makes his breath catch in his throat and he shuts his eyes, pressing back into him. He doesn't open his eyes because he can't bear to.

"If you want to leave, I won't ask you to stay," Geralt says quietly and Jaskier freezes.

"What?"

"The way you looked at Gwen and Dominic... you're a lover Jaskier, you can't spend your life chasing after an old Witcher."

"And if I want to?" he asks. His heart thuds loudly and he can barely think over it. Geralt stirs next to him and when Jaskier opens his eyes, Geralt is above him, looking down.

Jaskier reaches up, sliding a hand over Geralt's cheek. He can barely breathe with the fear of saying the wrong thing and when he opens his mouth, he almost forgets what he wanted to say.

"My darling Witcher," he breathes, "where else could I possibly want to be?"

"But you want more," Geralt says and if Jaskier didn't know better, he'd say he looks sad.

"Not if it means leaving you," Jaskier breathes. And he means it. He wouldn't give up Geralt for anything.

Geralt doesn't say anything and Jaskier doesn't know how long he can last hanging in this silence where he doesn't know what to say and Geralt looks like he wants to kiss him. He can't think, he can barely breathe in the silence, but he reaches up, sliding his arms around the back of Geralt's neck and sliding his fingers into his hair. He waits for a moment, giving Geralt the chance to pull away. He doesn't and Jaskier draws him closer.

"Don't do this just for me," he whispers and Geralt barely gives him a chance to finish before closing the space between them. His lips are soft but hesitant and Jaskier brings him closer, shows him he has nothing to be nervous about. When Geralt draws back, he looks almost sheepish.

"I'm not. I know I'm not good at things like this," he mumbles and Jaskier lets his hands slide to Geralt's face. He shakes his head and draws him close again.

"You're perfect."

[dahlia-coccinea]

What’s your opinion on the main characters in WH (like one for Nelly, one for Catherine etc)? Do you have a favourite and a least favourite?

There are a lot of main characters...I guess Nelly Dean, Heathcliff, Catherine Earnshaw, Cathy Linton, Hareton Earnshaw, and Linton Heathcliff? I feel bad cutting out Edgar and Isabella, they are important characters but I could easily write a thesis on each character and I don’t want to make this unbearably long (you’re going to regret asking me this as it is lol).

Nelly - She is not the “sensible soul” that she esteems herself to be. Compared to other characters she may seem discerning, but that’s partially because she’s just a witness to events that more deeply affect other characters. She can be very biased towards and against certain people, and her opinions tend to be fairly rigid. Her actions and convictions seem more an unconscious exhibition of societal norms of the time and her station in life; rather than her objective rational thinking. She certainly isn't immune to common superstition and small-mindedness. That being said, she is not the villain of the novel as critic James Hafley argued. She certainly isn’t heartless and cruel and she is motivated to do what she believes is the right thing to do. Overall I like her character.

Heathcliff - It's a testament to the complexity of his character that there is such a wide range of narratives on him…some I admittedly don’t understand. While a powerful force in the novel, I think he shows himself to be very human and fallible, and not the “ghoul” or “vampire” he is sometimes accused of being. It makes me laugh how many times I’ve seen critics say he is the human embodiment of the Heights but the first meeting of him it's literally said that he is a “singular contrast to his abode”? It’s also strange that his physical nature is often questioned by critics that reduce him to an elemental symbol, yet I would think Catherine is a better candidate to say she is more symbolic since we first encounter her in a dream and she is merely a memory/ghost in half the novel. Not to mention that throughout her life she displays a fixation on the spiritual and divine (not that I think she is symbolic either). I think he’s meant to be read as a human, not a devil or a symbol, and it makes it more interesting to read him as such. He can be sarcastic and witty and also utterly devoid of humor. His pain and loss is tragic yet his anger and hatred is fearsome. He plans to enact revenge over decades and (kind of) succeeds yet he also is so short-sighted and often misjudges characters and situations. He’s a villain and a victim and never plays either part in exactly the way you’d expect. Despite all this, he never feels inconsistent or out of character. 

Catherine - I’m such a broken record on her lol. We get a lot of negative opinions about her from Nelly but everyone else loves her? So I think it’s worth questioning what Nelly says about her. I don’t agree with popular narratives that exaggerate how terrible she is. She is certainly proud, quick-tempered, and her strong, unrelenting nature is unique for any character and even more so for a woman. These traits also make her Heathcliff’s natural counterpart, although she is never cruel in the way he can be, and she doesn’t seem to enjoy that side of his character either. I think audiences/readers often forget the better parts of her character, such as her love for her father regardless of his constant admonishments, her love of Heathcliff despite his harshness and his wrongdoings, and her brother Hindley in spite of all his cruelty. The tragedies of the novel are not her fault as it has sometimes been suggested. 

Hareton - It is interesting his character probably has the most physical descriptions and I’d say is the most flatteringly portrayed male character. Yes, he starts off being described as brutish by Lockwood, but we later get many moments showing he also has a gentleness. His faults are normally immediately shown as not wholly his doing and I’d say he has the most character growth, even more than Cathy. Cathy’s appearance gets a lot of mentions too, but because Lockwood is kind of a romantic and in a faraway, lonely place, it makes sense that he projects a lot of romantic notions on her. We don’t need to know that Hareton is good-looking but it’s certainly made known lol. I think it’s in part because Cathy’s and Hareton’s good nature are meant to be shown as desirable and Nelly certainly makes an aesthetic connection there in her descriptions of them. I really like his character, and how despite everything, and his initial pride, he tries repeatedly to help Cathy, even though it does nothing in gaining her good opinion and only puts him at odds with Heathcliff, who he sees as a father. He also shows that you don’t have to be the product of your upbringing.

Cathy - I really like how she tries to do the right thing and is good, yet doesn’t allow anyone (even Heathcliff) control her. She has faults but she’s able to grow from them. She also has a lot of similarities to her mother. For both Cathy and Hareton, I really dislike the idea that their move to Thrushcross is the symbolic win of culture over nature. That’s never made any sense to me and makes even less sense when you consider that Emily preferred nature, and the freedom and spirituality she found there, and not riches and formality. And after all, Cathy and Hareton are the successors of Catherine and Heathcliff. I can’t imagine they will become supremely refined, cultured, and gentle. Everyone forgets they are both wild and proud, and at their worst, they both physically hit the other - Cathy cuts Hareton with her whip, and years later Hareton hits her. This notion of their new domesticity comes from the narrative of the Heights = wildness and Thrushcross = respectability and progress, and I’ve mentioned before this also distorts our image of Isabella and mislabels her as a weak, refined, gentlewoman, even though she shows herself to be highly spirited. Sorry, got a little off-topic at the end there. I think they can forgive and learn to be kind to each other without equating it to them becoming genteel and upper-class. I don’t like that critics do this. 

Linton - I get why he’s no one’s favorite character but I don’t hate him. He is tragic, despite the fact that he also very annoying and bratty lol. I understand why he doesn’t care to better himself, and it seems pretty clear his behavior is a cry for the safety and affection that has been missing in his life since his mother died. He’s a pawn in a game he doesn’t understand, and yet he’s very aware of his role as a pawn and that his life will be short and its meaning and worth are ascribed inasmuch as he can prove useful. It’s understandable that he would cling to Cathy and her kindness to him. Of course, some of his sufferings are his own making. It seems he could less lonely if he was perhaps a little kinder to Hareton who doesn’t seem to have a preconceived dislike of him but is pushed away by Linton’s snobbishness. 

Favorite: That's a really difficult question. The simple answer is I love them all hah! It does change, but I do often go back to Catherine Earnshaw. Charlotte Bronte wrote that there is a “certain strange beauty in her fierceness” and I think that sums it up perfectly. The fact she dies tragically young and the closest we get to her as a narrator is the little bit of her diary Lockwood reads, and that her memory lives on so strongly with Edgar and Heathcliff, all make her a compelling figure. The fact that so many readers hate her also makes me like her more lol. 

Least favorite: Everyone always says Linton and Joseph are the worst so I’ll say Zillah because she doesn’t get picked on enough lol. She literally didn’t realize Nelly was being held hostage and instead believes some bullshit story about her being lost in a marsh and assumes Heathcliff saved her?? She was terrible to Cathy - granted she had been proud and stiff-necked but she was clearly being held against her will? Like is Zillah just not at all aware of her surroundings? She doesn’t get Dr. Kenneth when Linton is dying and instead leaves Cathy alone crying in the stairway, supposedly out of fear of losing her job if she disobeys - yet she didn’t seem worried about that when she puts Lockwood in Catherine’s old bedroom? She also knowingly embarrasses Hareton when he shyly asks her to ask Cathy to read aloud for him - she immediately says that Hareton is the one asking for it. Zillah is just one of those people that has no self-awareness and no consideration for others beyond her self-preservation. So yeah she wins the spot of “least favorite” lol. I’m not sure if you meant my least favorite of the main characters? If so then it would have to be Linton just cause no amount of sympathetic feelings towards him makes him less annoying lol sorry. 

[kanri-tea]

Jakurai dies! AU (part 4)

The veil between life and death isn't quite as solid as some believe.

OR: Jinguji Jakurai wakes up as a ghost, unable to move on and unable to interact with the world around him.

Dying feels a bit like floating - at first that is. You're lying in an endless abyss of nothingness and it envelopes you like a comforting blanket.

Your eyes are closed, you think, and you don't want to open them. It feels like taking a long nap, but like any nap, you slowly wake up.

It's gradual and slow. It starts with sounds, voices that you recognize but filled with emotions you can't quite place. It doesn't take long before you're being nudged to the world of wakefulness.

And that world that greets you is filled with misery.

When you open your eyes, the first thing you see is a grave. Your grave.

Jinguji Jakurai

21XX - 21XX

Beloved friend and doctor. Thank you for the leaving the world a better place.

You're startled. That's right, you're dead. So why...?

Why are you here, in the world of living when you should be in hell the afterlife?

You wander for a little bit, exploring the graveyard. The people there don't see you, can't hear you. You're unable to interact with anything and you float listlessly.

Why are you here? You're so, so tired.

The first of the TDD, of the people you love, that you see is Ichiro. He's blankly staring at your grave, crouching to eye-level with it.

"Hi, sensei."

You sit next to him. There's an aura of sadness that makes you want to hug the young boy, but you know you can't.

Not anymore.

"I... I don't know what to do anymore. It's like.. every night, the only thing I can think about is how useless I was."

You startle. There are tears in Ichiro's eyes, threatening to spill out at any moment.

"If only... if only I'd stayed calm... If only... god, sensei..."

The tears rain quickly and even as you try your best to comfort Ichiro, you can't get through.

The veil that separates the living and the dead couldn't have been anymore evident and painful, and even as desperation fuels your voice, as you feel yourself get more and more frantic, nothing works.

A b s o l u t e l y n o t h i n g.

It becomes a pattern, you soon notice. First it's Ichiro. Then Samatoki, Yotsutsuji, and Ramuda.

They visit on rotation, and fairly often too. Rarely together, and if it is, Yotsutsuji isn't there.

Your son in all but blood keeps away from Ichiro, Samatoki, and Ramuda, avoiding them like a plague.

You notice the anger, the pain. It hurts your soul to see him in such agony, and nothing you do ever gets through.

You watch Ichiro grow more and more tired with each passing week, a victim to his own grief. His brothers are filled with worry, both clinging desperately to Ichiro. You watch them plan out ways to distract their brother from his grief. They aren't getting through though, and it hurts to see, hurts that you can't hug Ichiro, can't tell him that you're proud of him, that it's not his fault.

You watch Samatoki break down more and more, a whirlwind of guilt and agony, burning up from his own emotions. His sister is gone, choosing the Chuuoku over him. You watch as his new teammates slyly pry and prod him for details, their worry growing with each passing day. You long to hold Samatoki's hand, to tell him that it was your choice to protect them. That it is a choice that you'd make over and over again for them.

You watch Ramuda lose more and more of himself, his grasp on reality loosening with every stray memory that resurfaces. You listen to his tales of his escape from the Chuuoku, his apologies for never telling you about himself. It warms your soul that Ramuda trusts you to tell you this, dead or not, but his airy voice and blank gaze worries you. His teammates often watch worriedly, and you're glad that he has someone watching out for him. You love him, and it's something you never realized until your last moments. You regret that you will never be able to tell him, that you'll never be able to hold him in your arms again.

You watch Yotsutsuji drown in his emotions, in his anger and his sadness. He does his best to imitate you, and while it would have been flattering had he been alive, you desperately wish you could tell him to live his own life, to live his best life. You recognize his teammates and you watch as they do their best to be there for the young boy, and you are so, so grateful. In truth, it's Yotsutsuji's agony that hurts you the most. Once upon a time, you'd promised that you'd be there for him forever, to hold him close on his worst days, to celebrate on his best days. You can't do that anymore, and you hate yourself for breaking that promise.

You stay by their side, moving from one to another. Each day is a different person, and despite how tired you feel, you're thankful for the chance to watch over them even after you've died. You'd once wished at a temple to spend your days with them, to be able to love and protect them with every fiber of your being. You can't do that anymore, but you try to watch over them, to get through to them.

Time passes, you don't know how much time, but you watch as the leaves turn from green to brown, as snow turns to grass. There are whispers of rap battles in the air and you quietly worry.

It's the only thing you can do, quietly worrying.

It's also then when you are greeted for the first time by someone that wasn't a friend nor a patient when you were alive.

Iruma Jyuto greets your gravestone on a sunny day.

"I... My name is Iruma Jyuto. I believe this is the first time we are meeting."

"You are quiet famous, you know? The saintly doctor of Shinjuku, Jinguji Jakurai."

"I should get to the point, shouldn't I? I... We..."

You listen patiently to the young man's words.

But can he really be considered a young man in comparison to you? You're 33, you died at 33. There is no 34 or 35, or any other age for you. You are 33 and you are dead.

"Please, please bless us in this endeavor. We really do want Samatoki to move on, Rio and I. This grief... it's breaking him apart. All of them, really. Aagh, this is so cheesy, why am I doing this..."

"Jinguji-sensei, if you're really there and I'm not just being an idiot and talking to a inanimate object, please let them move on. I know it's not really your fault, but they're stuck. Samatoki, Yamada, Amemura, and Kannabi. So, please, if spirits and whatever exists, please help them come to terms with their grief."

Iruma grumbles for a while longer before leaving. But even as he leaves entirely, his words linger.

You are so glad that they've met teammates that love them so much, but a part of you wonders if you can even help. Nothing you've done has gone through, and sometimes, you question your own existence.

As you ponder and question, questions unanswered by the gods, you watch Ichiro, Samatoki, Ramuda, and Yotsutsuji's teammates stage an intervention. It doesn't go well, not at first.

Of course you should continue on.

You aren't leaving me behind, you're continuing your own path. I'll be by your sides no matter what.

You all deserve the world and more. I would make my choice over and over again if it meant you all lived.

You watch as each division remind their leaders to live. That they are alive and he is not.

You know they will get better one day, someday. You see it in the way they smile, in the way they move with more energy these days. Their teammates are good for them and in turn, they love their teammates with all they have. It's a desperate love of people who've loved and lost many times.

Sometimes, you tell them of how proud you are, of you how much you love them.

You mean the world and more, and I would give everything to protect you.

You're all doing so well, you're all so amazing.

No matter what, I'll be by your side. Nothing but the gods themselves can tear me away.

I love you.

You don't know how much, or if at all, gets through, but sometimes, you like to think that maybe a whisper got through.

They're getting better. They have good days and bad days. The grief and guilt and anger is still there, but they're learning to come to terms with their emotions. Their teammates are their at every step, ready to catch them when they fall.

For the first time in a long time, you're content.

Ichiro will grow big and strong, becoming a responsible and amazing adult. He'll be a kinder man than you could ever be.

Samatoki will stand tall and proud, his strength protecting as many as he can. He'll be far stronger than you could ever wish to be.

Ramuda will shine bright and cheerful, his love will be intense and encompassing. His love will be stronger and fiercer than you could ever hope to match.

Yotsutsuji will become great, a legend in his own right. Someday, he'll find his own path and strive to become better than you, to become someone far more amazing then yourself.

You know they'll be okay, and that fact sits contently in your heart.

They'll be okay.

Had anyone been able to see him, they would've seen a lavender-haired man leaning back against the wall, watching the Division Rap Battle teams. There's a smile on his face, his eyes are crinkled. He looks happy.

Slowly, he fades away, leaving behind nothing to ever show that he was there.

He's gone, but not forever. Maybe he's moved onto the afterlife, maybe he's gone from existence. But in the hearts of those who knew him, of those who've loved him, and he to them, he still there watching over them.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Ten Sides (Last Part)

The root of her problems, Doctor Khan says, is her own self image. She thinks that she has always known as much. That she has always had a distorted image of who she is in some way or another; sometimes she is the greatest soul to walk upon Fire Nation land, on other days she is a failure through and through. Some days she is a goddess, some days she is a disappointment, a shame… Sometimes she thinks herself a decent woman and at other times she can’t see herself as anything but a twisted and warped extension of her father. Sometimes she sees herself as a bold woman a free and independent woman. Sometimes she feels like a tool.

Sometimes she still longs for Aang to touch her aura again. To tweak it until she feels nothing but the self-respect and confidence that she tries to outwardly exude. Most of the time she is well aware that it is more satisfying to continue slowly putting herself back together on her own. She thinks that she has made so much progress already; even before meeting with Khan for the first time. She was proud to inform him that she has already done her share of introspection and that she would only like the tools to fully make something of it.

Today’s task is to better resolve things with Mai and TyLee. They talk to her, they bring her on outings, they seem to enjoy being in her company again. But she still doesn’t feel as though she has fully patched things up. There are still loose ends and these loose ends, Khan says, are worth tying.

She feels so vulnerable trying. Even though both of them are listening to her with much more willingness and much less skepticism.

“Believe it or not, I do understand.” Azula says. “I might be missing a few pieces but I understand.” And her understanding is exactly what continuously makes her feel ill.

“We already said that we forgive you.” TyLee smiles.

So why can’t she forgive herself? Why is she still so utterly disgusted with herself? Somehow this nags at her much more deeply than having killed Sangyul. “I don’t.”

Mai sighs. “You really like to latch onto mistakes, don’t you?”

“A mistake is something that happens once, by accident. Not something repeated and deliberate.”  Azula mumbles.

“How can you forgive Aang but not forgive yourself?” TyLee tires.

“I have standards for myself.”

“Lower them?” Mai quirks a brow.

Azula shakes her head. Though Khan has said the same thing, she thinks that this is one standard she can’t lower. She has already done her share of lowering anyways; these days she leaves her hair out of place when day to day activities make a mess of it. These days she allows herself to skip firebending practice. These days it is easier for her to stomach a poorly preformed kata. These days it is easier for her to look in the mirror and see her scar not as a mark of shame but a mark of strength, perseverance… These days she is able to feel satisfaction when assessing herself as a whole.

But not this. This is a standard that she needs to uphold. A standard that she can’t afford to get lax with. Not when it is so easy for her to fall back into poorer social habits. The ones that her father had fashioned for her. The ones that made her an adequate soldier.

She wants to be a more agreeable person, as Sangyul had put it, but she wants to do it on her terms. She will do it on her terms.  “I need to talk about this. I need to…” she needs to feel like she isn’t horrible. That she isn’t exactly what she hates. Needs to come to terms with that she had been what she has come to hate. “Do you think about it, sometimes?”

“Think about what?” TyLee asks.

“What I did to you? Do you still have...habits? Tell me the truth.”

TyLee bites her lip. “I did for a while.”

Azula swallows, her stomach flutters. She had seen it coming, she had wanted to know. It hurts all the same. “Mai?”

Mai shrugs, “not really, but that still doesn’t make it okay.”

She knows this. “It is still not okay what Aang did to me.”

Mai nods, seeming to relax somewhat. “I guess that it’s good to have proof that you really do understand.”

“Do you still have habits, TyLee?”

She shakes her head, “not since our last talk.” She smiles. “I’m not afraid of you anymore.”

Azula isn’t sure if the flutters in her tummy come from fear and discomfort or relief--they really like her. They are staying with her because she is someone worth keeping company with. And if they are no longer afraid of her, perhaps she shouldn’t be either. Perhaps she can afford to let her guard down at least a little. To trust herself. Perhaps it is time to more fully accept each and every change. To fully acknowledge and embrace who she has become. Even if this person is softer, more venerable. Even if this person is more doubtful, prone to questioning herself. They are her own changes, the ones that she herself has invited.  

“Thank you.”

“For what?” TyLee asks with a little laugh, “not being afraid?”

Azula nods.

“Thanks for talking with us.” Mai replies. “For a while I thought that it was just an act.”

“It’s not an act.”

“We know.” TyLee says cheerfully.

“Now can you forgive yourself and stop making things weird and tense?”

She manages a laugh. “I think so.” Spirits, she feels so much lighter now.

She doesn’t need the vines. She never did. She is healing on her own.

.oOo

Her smile is beautiful, perfect. She is stubborn, irritating, pushy, and particular. It is truly aggravating sometimes. Her moods can be turbulent and sometimes she yells. She has a tendency to bring up the past. And by Raava, he fights back. But he wouldn’t tweak an aspect of her. She is perfect. And she is perfect the way she is.

Her moods are growing much less turbulent, her mind less troubled. He can see it in her posture, in that beautiful, perfect smile, and in her eyes. There is clarity in them, clarity and peace to go with that sharp and powerful gleam.

She pats her lap and he sits upon it. She wraps her arms around him and rests her chin on his shoulder. “I talked with Mai and TyLee earlier today.”

“How did that go?”

“I won’t be needing an emergency session with doctor Khan.” She kisses the crook of her neck. “It went well.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” He smiles.

“Avatar?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you still ashamed of yourself?”

He furrows his brows, “what do you mean?”

“Because I feel like myself again.” She says, stroking the back of his hand. “I don’t have the nightmares as often. You don’t have to feel guilty anymore.”

And it comes to him that she is assuming that, because she has been struggling to forgive herself, that he must be too. Her expressions of empathy are as bizarre as many of her other mannerisms. He has to laugh. Truth be told, he has forgiven himself some time back. He can see the confidence on her, can see her coming back to herself, but somehow it still comes as a relief to hear her vocally confirm that he hasn’t left her permanently unsure of herself.

“I’m glad to hear it, Azula.” She has fought so hard to rediscover herself and, spirits, the woman she has found is a lovely one. He massages her back and shoulders. He only hopes that he has done the same for himself.

He is almost certain that he has; for better or for worse, he has shaken away the innocent, naive boy he had been. For better or for worse, he knows that sometimes he can’t hold back, that he has to strike and strike hard. For better or for worse, he knows when he has to fight.

She gives him another faint smile and trails her fingers down his arms. She goes quiet for a moment, for just long enough to leave a flutter in his belly. “I love you.”

It is the first time that she has said as much out loud without the vines to push her to do so. And, spirits, the authenticity is so much better. Though spoken just as quietly, her affections aren’t timid and flustered. They are strangely firm but with a silky quality.

“Say it again?” He requests.

“I love you, Avatar.” She gives his neck another kiss. “You’ve helped me a lot. It was humiliating and stupid but…”

“But look at you now.” He finishes. He gazes into her eyes. They are fully lucid, fully Azula. Azula with  compassion.

“I just wish that I would have helped you the right way from the start.”

She presses her lips firmly together before confessing, “I’m not sure that you would have been able to, Avatar. I didn’t want to change. I...don’t know if I would have if I didn’t break completely.”

And there it is, the final thing that needs to be settled. Aang shakes his head, “I think that you would have. You shouldn’t have had to get hurt that badly to heal. We should have realized that you needed some patience and understanding. I know that you think that the old you was unreachable but have you considered that that’s because no one ever tried to do it the right way?”

“Avatar, that’s a lot easier said than done. I’m not...I wasn’t nice.”

“Do you know how many times Zuko lashed out at Iroh?” Aang asks. “The point is, you didn’t need to go through all of that. You didn’t deserve what Sangyul put you through.”

Azula nods, “thank you, Avatar. Sometimes I forget that things don’t have to be so...cruel.”

He wishes that life would have been kinder to her. All the same, he can’t imagine Azula without her rougher edges. The rougher edges that he had damn near smoothed away. “They don’t.” He confirms. “But I’m pretty sure that it’s safe to say that you can handle everything.”

She pulls him closer, squeezes him tighter, buries her face in the folds of his clothing. She kisses between his shoulder blades and he knows for certain that they never had to force her to be loving, she had the capacity for it.  

All they had to do was assure her that it was safe to be soft.

.oOo.

She feels strong again, powerful. Her head hasn’t felt this clear in so long. And thinks that she has fully fulfilled the lessons she learned from unlocking her chakras. She looks in the mirror, the face within is both harder and softer all at once. She supposes that it only makes sense; it is a rather direct reflection of her personality. Of a woman who has found the strength in weakness and the dignity in shame. Of a woman who has confronted her guilt and her fears and built them into love and comfort. Love and comfort that shakes grief away. Of a woman who has learned to break away from those comfortable lies that have been rotting her away into a weaker version of herself. Of a woman who has stripped herself down to the rawest elements of herself, the truest version of herself. The version of herself that the most admirable, respectable, and lovable.

And finally she can be content with the face she sees. Finally she can be happy to look upon it. Upon herself. Finally she can not only be content with, but appreciate the woman she sees.

“You aren’t scrutinizing yourself again, are you?” Aang asks.

She shakes her head, “no, Avatar. I’m…”

“Admiring?” He quirks a brow.

She rolls her eyes, “appreciating.”

“I appreciate your face too.” He stoops down to kiss her forehead.

She rolls her eyes.

“I’m not talking about my face.” Though she doesn’t think that it would hurt to appreciate that too.

“Then what are you talking about?”

“Do you really want to listen to me ramble about myself.”

“I sure do.” Aang pulls up a chair. “What exactly are we appreciating today?”

She gives a soft hum, “acceptance, Avatar, we’re appreciating acceptance. Change, as well, I suppose.” More than that she appreciates finally being comfortable in her skin. Sound in who she has become. “I am...happy with myself.” She is happy with herself because she is undeniably herself. And she thinks that she has grown into herself quite well.

Aang grins. “That’s really refreshing to hear.” He massages her shoulders.

Every so often her mind wanders back to that facility, to Sangyul. But when it does there is an element of control, a different sort of acceptance. A more solemn one; things could have and probably should have gone different. Things didn’t have to get as bad as they did. The man had damn near killed a part of her and she had paid him back for it. She isn’t an evil person. Neither is she the sweet and timid thing that he tried to shape her into--that people may well want her to be. And so her nightmares become a rarity. When they rise, she has her Avatar to whisper consoling words in her ear.

“Does this mean that the meditation isn’t ‘loathsome’ and ‘pointless’?”

She rolls her eyes. “It is quite helpful, but I still think that it looks ridiculous.”

“You look ridiculous so that your bending can look mystifying.”

She must admit that it certainly has helped her find a new source for her bending, a source that isn’t so cold and hateful. And in the clarity her lightningbending and her forms have a new and deeper elegance. A regal prowess that suits her very well.

“I wish I could say the same for your firebending. Avatar, have you been practicing like I’ve told you?”

He rubs the back of his head, telling her all that she needs to know.

She sighs, “well I know what we’re doing today.”

“Aren’t you, Mai, and TyLee having a girl’s night?”

“Ladies night starts at night. We have plenty of sunlight left to work on your firebending. The last time we trained it was embarrassing...for both of us as I recall.”

He laughs. “Alright, fine, I guess it will be fun to train with you now that you actually have your fire.”

She leads him into the palace training hall. “Would you like to spar first or shall I show you some forms?” She already knows what he is going to say.

“Forms, please.”

She rolls her eyes. “Savor you last moments of rest, Avatar. I won’t be going easy on you once we start.”

“I know that you won’t.”

With a smirk and a quirk of her brow, she holds out her hand. She lets the flame flicker upon it. Her brows furrow and Aang stands back up. “Avatar...what?”

He cups his hand under hers.

“What does this mean?”

“You found your peace and a perfect balance for you.” He replies with a kiss to the top of her head.

She lets the flame lick and lap in her palm. A brilliant white.