#they can exist simultaneously and that's ok

[cerastes]

Now that I've finished Karate Shoukoshi Kohinata Minoru, a 500 chapter manga no one has read and that ended by not having a real ending because they quite literally ripped the pen out of the mangaka's fingers, and he'd need at least until chapter 800 to wrap up everything he set up if he rushed because his pacing was extremely awful but not in the way it usually is awful for manga, instead of rushing too much it went TOO damn slow because it kept setting up 4 new plot threads for every 1 it resolved, while simultaneously being a very active manga where things kept happening so you didn't really ever notice how slow it truly was, I want to make a likely non-comprehensive list of things that were either lost in the genre shift (there was a genre shift), unconcluded, forgotten, and otherwise just never once paid off in any significant way, as a way of exorcising myself first and foremost, but if you ever wanted to read about a trainwreck that sounds made up but absolutely exists and you can read right now in your favorite manga pirating website:

Reinan University Club standings, ranks, and the other clubs in general that were clearly and obviously being set up to clash with our main character's Second Karate Club -> Completely, outright forgotten. Several named characters with morsels of Lore and Implications were introduced and then they just never once appeared again after the genre shift went from Shonen Brawls to Seinen Very Realistic Mixed Martial Arts.

Reinan University having several Karate clubs, obviously set up to clash with the Second Karate Club, in particularly the Proper, First Karate Club -> Forgotten and never again addressed.

Hayama's extreme sensitivity meaning he was going to become an insane counterattack fighter -> Dropped. He has one fight in the entire franchise that really just feels like "ok I had plans for this guy but he doesn't matter anymore so here's one to show what he was going to be like". He was basically becoming a Newtype, which was in line with the very exaggerated brawls of the early game, but completely incompatible with the realistic MMA styling of the manga post-genre shift.

Mamiya being a 2-dan kendoka turned karateka, who was being built up to be a really good defensive fighter, and who could use sword techniques with his fists, including "secret Mamiya-ryu" techniques -> Dropped. Like Hayama, this was simply incompatible with the extremely realistic, technical, grounded fighting in the new MMA focus of the manga. He has one fight in total, just like Hayama, where he uses a secret Mamiya-ryu tanto technique which is... Striking with an uppercut when the opponent clinched you and goes for your head with a knee, using their knee to push your arm upwards towards their face with great force. It did not work. Of note, Mamiya more or less is relegated to a silent NPC in the background who became a huge jerk asshole dick suddenly after the shift, despite being introduced as the stock Nicest Guy Ever. The role of Incredible Defensive Fighter went to Minami instead.

Mutou Ryuuji In General -> Disappears from the manga and only returns for a few panels every couple hundred chapters. He's the most Brawling Shounen Character Ever, strongest dude ever who Does Impossible Things and No One Can Beat. Completely incompatible with the MMA shift. This is actually good because Mutou fucking sucks and his fights fucking suck (they are all "Oh god no one could possibly do what Mutou just did and win in one funny hit against this guy who is the World Champion Of Everything Ever!!!")

Whatever The Hell The Mangaka Had In Mind About Pedro -> Never materialized because the mangaka, who very clearly knows a lot about combat sports, also has a very clear lack of interest for grappling and groundwork. Pedro, the Hard Gay Rapist Brazilian Jiu Jitsu caricature, had absolutely no place in the manga. Besides his introductory fight with Mutou in like Chapter 6, he has exactly zero fights in the rest of the 500 chapters, and only appears to make Funny Pervert Gay Dude jokes. He did train the gang in grappling defense for the one (1) fight in the manga that allowed submissions, I guess.

Anything to do with Akiko -> Akiko had two main things that had been foreshadowed about her: That if she ever lost her glasses, she was an insanely strong naginata fighter because she could not control her strength without them, and that she had subconscious talent in curses due to her being the daughter of a notorious ninja family, yes, really. Needless to say, once the manga moved from brawls martial arts to realistic MMA, there was no one for her to feasibly fight with her naginata, and there was no place for her freaking ninja curses. She sort of joins Mamiya in the background as an NPC but with more presence and dialogue. She also starts dating Mamiya for, uh, no good reason.

Oosugi Ryuu's rivalry with Minoru and utter hatred for Hamada -> Dropped. Ryuu is introduced as this heavy hitter character who is much like Minoru: A skilled artist in another art altogether (Minoru was a collegiate gymnast, Ryuu was a famous actor) who was pursued the path of Karate. They have a great fight, it's an inconclusive draw by all means, they both promise to get stronger for their rematch in the tournament proper. In said tournament, we have been introduced to Hamada Kaoru, a very cocky lightweight (same weight class as Minoru and Ryuu) who is said to be pretty strong. Well, turns out, Hamada isn't just strong, he is Beyond Fucked Up Strong, and he completely fucking annihilates Ryuu, and then beats Minoru in the finals. Hamada would go on to become a main character, and this awakens a thirst for revenge in Ryuu (because Hamada not only beat him, he humiliated him and hospitalized him from the turbo beatdown he gave him). Much later, Minoru and Ryuu finally have their rematch, and Minoru just very easily beats Ryuu, the reasoning being "Minoru loves martial arts, Ryuu is now obsessed with revenge" which... Was Very Weird given the shift to MMA and overall abandoment of those particular kinds of beats. Ryuu then never once fights again and says around three more lines in the rest of the manga.

Samart Sirinto and Kingriver -> Literally nothing happens with them, because the mangaka got their pen ripped out of their hand. Samart is intially set as the Final Boss of the manga, an undefeated megachamp in Muay Thai, the strongest standing striking style in the world, which the manga reminds you of at every opportunity, and more importantly, he killed Kengo's brother in the ring. Problem is, they made Samart sympathetic: It was completely unintentional, and in fact killing Kengo's brother in that pro fight was so traumatizing to him that he now takes extra care to not aim for the opponent's heads and only ever wins by decision, never KO anymore. This is in fact a pretty cool development for him, but it's a problem in that it came way too early and now you don't really have any bad guy to root against and are now purely reading the manga for the really good fights which is fine but also aimless. Enter Sangsok "Kingriver", who is introduced as "Samart's Equal" but this guy turbosucks, cheats, blackmails, etc. Anyways literally nothing happens with either of them. They both have one fight, Samart with a main character but not THE main character (Hamada), and Sangsok with one of many "World Champion" jobbers the manga likes so much just to show he is very strong.

Alyosha The Schrodinger's Diversity Win/Loss -> I have no fucking clue, but goodness this one aged like milk. Alyosha is an exchange student from Russia who is looking to practice karate. She's a very beautiful blonde, so Pedro attacks her under the guise of sparring because he's afraid she's going to steal 'his' boys. It's supposed to be karate, but he grapples her, and then finds out she actually has a monster magnum turbo dong. Her dick is so massive it stuns him. She then says she came to work for money at Japan for bottom surgery because she is in love with a karateka that taught her for a while in Russia. This karateka turns out to be Hamada. This is all portrayed in Bad Taste and clearly as a Isn't This Funny Because Of How Weird It Is? She then disappears for a ton of chapters and only returns to confirm she got the bottom surgery so she can be with Hamada now. She then disappears again. I have no idea what the hell just happened. On paper, this is a diversity win, but in practice, it's a diversity defeat because the vibe is incredibly insulting and the character only exists as a mockery of trans people, and only has screen time as a punchline without any other personality besides being a punchline.

Kaburagi-ryu's creator being alive -> Whatever there was in mind for him, it never even got time to be foreshadowed. For the longest time, we hear that the founder of Kaburagi-ryu, the main character's specific full contact bare fisted karate style, died some years prior to the start of the manga. He's alive, and he wears a funny wig upon his return from the Philippines because he cheated on his Filipino wife. He helps train Minami, basically unlocking his potential, and then is funny in the background clearly with a future intent. The manga would abruptly end shortly thereafter.

Jun's insane talent for combat sports -> Jun is a pro wrestler said to have as much raw talent for combat sports as Samart, the Final Boss, but instead uses it for Pro Wrestling (BASED). He fights once in combat sports and it awakens something in him to want and try it out more (without dropping pro wrestling). The manga ends shortly after.

Gerard and Satomi -> They were built up to have the Biggest Fight Ever at some point as the two heavy hitters of the K.O.S. (King of Strikers) promotion in universe. It happened offscreen near the end and ended in a draw because they were ripping the pen away from the mangaka.

Minoru's pro fighter journey -> Dropped because they took the pen. He was going to fight through five different combat sports promotions to try and take as many belts as possible from a bunch of named characters. None of them except one had a fight (a squash to show he was strong) and Minoru ended up just winning the Lightweight World Champion title after said Superdude vacated the title to go fight in another promotion and he fought some other bozo they created just for that instead (which was a very good fight in any case). Coincidentally, this is the very last fight in the manga because shortly after they took the pen.

Kengo -> Absolutely nothing fucking happens with Kengo. He's introduced as this sort of Sasuke Vegeta Ass cool more experienced rival. His brother died to Samart. He wants revenge. He barely says a word despite being there since chapter 1, and only really talks like... A hundred chapters in, without exaggeration. It was also implied he had a brutal streak on him when, during sparring, he start beating the shit out of Minoru with a manic expression and is yelled at to stop, but this never once returns or happens ever again, and he becomes generic Strong Senpai. His fights fucking suck. He never fights Samart. Oh and the girl he likes, his brother's 'widow', marries some random dude in the end.

The Second Karate Club's new generation of pupils: A bunch of dudes whose names don't matter get gassed up as a particularly strong new generation of fighters and they then do jack shit. The only good and notable thing they did was phase out Mamiya.

Haruka and Satomi's old relationship -> Absolutely nothing. Mutou's current girlfriend and Satomi, Heavyweight G1 Karate Champion in K.O.S., were a thing when they were both young, childhood friends that the started dating, but Satomi basically pursued karate instead of love and went to Holland to fight professionally since young, and couldn't bring her. This is gassed up as something that will be the crux of Mutou and Satomi's rivalry that doesn't exist and ends up being nothing. Haruka eventually outright disappears from the manga when she disappears with Mutou and makes even less returns (just one).

I don't know if I'm missing any and I tried to group a few together so as to not make the list longer but Wow I was expecting like maybe 8 points, not over double that. Anyways, this manga sucks, I liked it, the fights are insanely good, when the plot beats and character beats hit, they hit (everything regarding lategame Minami is insane, he's the main character in my eyes and he even takes over the manga for almost a hundred chapters, based), but in general you have an artist who couldn't help himself from opening 4 or 5 new threads for every 1 he closed (and sometimes, not conclusively), and a pacing that was so immensely slow (likewise, it never feels slow because things ARE happening, it's just, too much is set up during this!) that they took his pen and told him to fuck off, and who couldn't help himself from making Gay People Are Manipulating Predators punchlines every couple hundred chapters. Notably, his art got REALLY good as the series progressed, and he could noticeably draw people from tons of different nationalities accurately and delightfully, not to mention body types and faces. I'm glad to have finally gone back and finished it, but also I wouldn't recommend this to anyone because it literally just Ends abruptly without addressing a damn thing, it even ends on a gag, lmao, and you know he's mad about it because he then went to another magazine and immediately made a prequel series about Kengo and his shitty plot brother that lasted for a few chapters, the end.

I would only ever recommend this manga as a study case on what happens when you set up WAY too many plot threads, so many that you can't realistically address them all.

[dysfunctionalcreature]

Ask and ye shall receive!

Ok so apologies in advance for how rambley and long this is, my thoughts about these two aren't very coherent or organized (blame the Spiral lol). For the sake of this hopefully not being too confusing to read, I'll be referring to Michael The Distortion as just The Distortion and using it/it's pronouns for it, and I'll be referring to Michael Shelley as Michael and using he/him pronouns for him

Tbh a lot of my interest in Michael Shelley and The Distortion comes from the way we hear The Distortion talk about Michael Shelley in episode 101 Another Twist, the way it clearly judges Michael Shelley for trusting Gertude but simultaneously hates Gertude for manipulating Michael. And canonically I don't think The Distortion has sympathy for Michael but I do definitely think it has pity for him. Tho the way it talks about him is so insulting and you can tell the emotion is genuine, but I don't personally think it hates him, I think even The Distortion understands that Michael's too much of a victim in the situation to really deserve that much blame. And all of this narration that we hear from The Distortion about Michael just makes me really intrigued about how it would interact with him face to face, not to mention it makes me curious about how Michael Shelley might talk about The Distortion

I've seen one or two fics on ao3 where Michael Shelley still exists in the halls of The Distortion, kind of haunting it and unable to leave the halls, and able to interact with Michael The Distortion as a separate entity and I really like that idea...

If both could interact as at least somewhat separate entities in the halls, I think they'd kinda view each other as both their fellow prisoner and their jailor. They're unwillfully trapping each other but they're also each other's only company, the only ones that understand the situation they're both in

To get a lot more fanficy about this: I like to think that Michael would try to avoid The Distortion for quite awhile at first, just wandering alone thru the halls, feeling like that's easier and less overwhelming than trying to interact with the monster that's had Michael's own name and appearance forced onto it. And The Distortion does leave him alone at first, it's trying to adjust too so it isn't in a very social mood either. But even within the Spiral itself a fear as quiet and unnoticeable as the Lonely can easily creep in, especially when there's a distraught man mourning his own life and trying very hard to be alone. Of course it doesn't take The Distortion long to notice the fog and vague sense of melancholy seeping into it's halls and it's even quicker in finding the source, Michael. He's not that happy to have been found but after this The Distortion is determined to keep the Lonely away from it's halls, so it doesn't leave Michael alone after that. It pops up without warning, it tries (and usually fails) to mimic his speaking patterns and movements, it sits next to Michael until the floor starts to warp and twist underneath it and Michael moves away

One day it finds a fluffy blanket that's pale blue just like Michael's eyes (The Distortion's are a far more electric blue, when it puts in the effort to look very human their eyes one of the only differences between them) in one of it's victims apartments one day, and brings the blanket back for Michael without really thinking about it, just drops it at his feet practically on instinct, it just felt like the right thing to do. Michael holds onto the blanket after that, it's very easy to lose things in the halls so he tries not to let it out of his reach for longer than a few minutes, it's nice to have something to call his own other than the winter clothes he's worn since he entered the halls

Michael starts to truly appreciate it's company after a while, and tho any hint of the Lonely is gone from the halls by now The Distortion keeps sticking close to his side because it likes the companionship too. Now when it sits down next to him, Michael will lean his head on it's shoulder until he starts to get a headache. When Michael gets lost staring into one of the hall's funhouse mirrors, The Distortion will drape itself against his back until he comes back to himself enough to notice it. When Michael curls up in a corner and cries because he wishes he could just fall asleep for even one hour, The Distortion will settle next to him and run it's fingers over his hair, while discordant staticy music that sounds a lot like a song Michael used to like echoes around them. And when The Distortion gets overwhelmed and starts to lose it's shape and twist into something monstrously wrong even by it's standards, it'll shuffle close to Michael and cradle his face in it's claws until it can fit itself back into something like a physical body (something like Michael's body). And Michael will let it, Michael will stare up at it and lean forward into it's touch, he'll reach out and cup and hold it's shifting (but steadily growing more recognizable) face in his own hands, if only for a moment

Hopefully this is at least somewhat intelligible lol, if you have thoughts about Michael/The Distortion please share them! I'd be curious to hear them and I don't wanna be the only one rambling about these two tragic boys (← gender neutral) lmao

hot take probably but in my personal opinion there is not enough Michael Shelley x Michael The Distortion selfcest fanfics or fanart around here, like there's a couple fics on ao3 but not enough...

ooooo you wanna explore identity and existence (or non-existence as the case may be) through monster/human selfcest that isn't really selfcest but also is selfcest in the ways that matter so bad ooooooo

(also the way Michael The Distortion talks about Michael Shelley in this judging yet pitying tone - "poor Michael" "poor, doomed Michael" "poor, disposable Michael" - is so interestinggg imo, like what I wouldn't give to hear The Distortion speak like that to Michael Shelley's face)

[miumiumandoodz]

The thing that I love so much from Vendetta and Death Island Chris is that he clearly went to therapy... and he smiles a lot. The horror persists but a Redfield stays afloat. I love that man so much, he's wrecked and destroyed but comes back twice stronger and somehow he's still able to smile. I love him. I love him so much. I love him so so so so much you don't even know.

[mystii-gur0]

sometimes I forget not everyone agrees with my incredibly correct interpretation of aromantic bisexual ftm Tartaglia and get absolutely terrified when I see him most commonly interpreted as cis and gay, or cishet.

[mytumblogforgames]

I have finally finished my seven runs of that abomination, by the last two I was skipping basically all dialogue that wasn't for my romance (and lord of fortune stuff for run 6 but lol. there was absolutely nothing) aside from, of course, autism king. I sat there and patiently asked him everything every single time bc my pookie will never return to me ever again </3 I'm talking I ran through the final run in ~10 hours compared to the ~65 I took on run 1 lol

Anyway

So that means I have finally seen all romances. I really did enjoy just how integrated the Harding romance is compared to all the others but uh. What the fuck is going on with the lyrium thing 😂 You telling me she has Become Lyrium and can no longer be touched, lest she overdose you on lyrium........... ........... ......... Sure. I definitely believe you and don't think that's a completely ridiculous writing choice at all

[6mayhem]

many philosophers are posers as fuck they're like ohhh what if. but don't even feel it themselves. unlike me. i feel and truly believe every asinine theory about the world i post on here. aahh. aaaah. aaaaaahhh i'm scared lol

[dw-requests]

can you draw a smol comic?? :3

ok. so ginger is existing, and then theres a speech bubble from cosmo saying "ginger look!!!"

and then twisted cosmo looking real happy and saying "I have a bite mark just like you now!!!" pointing towards the ichor on his face

thank youu :3

I have never seen a prompt more simultaneously angsty and wholesome, like wtf /pos /silly

[wild-aspen]

“Murder is bad” and “I’m not sorry that asshole died” are two things that can exist simultaneously because humans are complex.

And it’s also ok if you personally DO feel sorry. But stop acting like everyone else is pro-murder just because they’re not in mourning.

[mariacallous]

Amy Brown was not screaming. She was not crying. She was not throwing up.

But on Bluesky she said that she was doing all three, simultaneously. Brown’s husband visited a Walgreens while he was on a business trip in Ohio in February. He told her the prices were cheaper than in California, where they live.

The price disparity led her to post that she was screaming, crying, and throwing up. Several Bluesky users responded to tell her she was exaggerating, and that nobody could possibly care that much. They were right. She didn’t. She was referencing one of the internet’s common sayings, one used so often that it’s the name of a Spotify compilation.

What Brown experienced is familiar to any former Twitter/X user gathering their bearings on the young and decidedly more earnest social network Bluesky: a distinct humor-detection issue. Some users are unable to decipher jokes, or they are deliberately trying to miss the point to make a different one. Many Bluesky users migrated over from X, where the top DOGE who did Nazi-like salutes on television is live-tweeting the destruction of American infrastructure. That’s a different and much more serious problem. Still, the seeming obliviousness-slash-self-seriousness of many Bluesky users is grating when you’re not used to it.

“They're speaking a completely different language than me,” Brown says. “We're both speaking English, but I'm speaking internet.”

Brown, a former social media manager for Wendy’s, joined Bluesky in 2023. Her X account was banned after she impersonated Elon Musk for almost two hours on November 4, 2022.

The “incident,” as she calls it, happened shortly after X announced paid verification. Brown changed her profile picture to one of a balding entrepreneur and edited her display name to “Elon Musk (real).” She convincingly emulated his voice, posting musings like “my wife left me lol” and “my penis is NOT weird.”

She didn’t know whether she’d be banned for her behavior on X, but she was OK with the possibility. “It's like, Elon's already the main character on this platform every day, and now he owns it. Do I really want to be here anymore?” she says.

While you can still find plenty of this kind of humor on Bluesky, there are a surprising number of people genuinely confused by it. There are several factors to blame here.

First is the clash between former users of X and Facebook. Anyone who logged their time on the Everything App is familiar with the language of Twitter: posts steeped in irony, in-group references, platform-specific history. When they left X, they brought all that wisecracking, insidery drollery with them. They even brought their pig-shitting-on-its-own-testicles JPEGs.

Meanwhile, former power users of Facebook, Instagram, and Threads are accustomed to their own barometers of funny. While Twitter felt like an intentional way to primarily interact with mostly strangers, and a familiar face might cause the user a moment of horror, Facebook was the opposite—at least initially, before it became Click FarmVille for engagement bait and advertisements for oddly specific custom novelty tees.

Bluesky also got a big boost in users from mainstream television: MSNBC ran multiple segments about the social network, including bumps on Morning Joe, The Weekend, All In With Chris Hayes, and The Rachel Maddow Show. Regular MSNBC viewers who took the plunge might not be as familiar with the tenor and style of online conversation on the smart-ass social web.

The lack of humor detection is made worse by tech: algorithmically curated content, à la Bluesky’s Discover feed, surfaces random posts to random people. A Maddow referral on Bluesky might see an ex-Twitter user’s vivid description of what they’d do to the Hamburglar if they saw him in person and react with genuine horror and confusion. It’s also PEBKAC issue—problem exists between keyboard and chair. You cannot force a person to understand a joke. The only action more futile is to get mad about it.

If these disparate groups have anything in common, it’s disgust with gigantic tech companies led by unpalatable CEOs, paired with a yearning to post in the lingua franca of their previously beloved platforms. Everyone’s brains are broken in different ways. I empathize with those who don’t get the joke. But I empathize more with the people trying to make them.

To paraphrase an Axios story from last year, America is in the midst of a gullibility crisis. People can’t tell what’s AI, a manipulated screenshot, a joke, or a lie. Many of us have opened up our relationship with reality. And the political climate has exacerbated the issue, according to Josh Gondelman, a comedian who previously worked as a producer and writer on Desus & Mero and wrote for Last Week Tonight With John Oliver.

“Since Trump’s run for the presidency, there has been a rapidly accelerating not-getting-jokes on the internet,” Gondelman says.

By Gondelman’s recollection, Bluesky hit a point where it was populated enough with active users to be both fun and useful at some point within the past six months. “But that also means it hit the tipping point where it’s populated enough to be annoying,” he says, laughing.

Mattie Lubchansky, an Ignatz Award–winning cartoonist, author, and illustrator, describes herself as “a primarily joke-posting kind of person.” The humor-detection issue of Bluesky is part of a broader phenomenon she has observed, which she calls “riff collapse.”

The day after the 2025 Oscars, Lubchansky posted: “i haven't seen any of the oscar movies this year, nor have i seen any movie ever made. i'm afraid that the people trapped inside the screen will be angry at me for not helping them escape; and once they are out i will be punished. anyway, here's how the awards validated an opinion i already had.”

The replies that followed were earnest opinions and arguments about Oscar-nominated films. Some people asked for movie recommendations. Some unironically recommended she check out The Purple Rose of Cairo. Only a handful of people seem to have understood that she was joking. Lubchansky says she sees this type of “riff collapse” happen daily, and she thinks it’s because of the influx of new users from Meta and X.

But the frustrations around new social platforms isn’t new. Networks will continue to pop up, ideally, and longtime users will continue to be annoyed by newbies.

In the early-to-mid-1990s, people often first accessed the internet when they arrived at college. Around September of every year, a bunch of new users would log on to their university’s network and start poking around the forums and discussion groups.

“The internet old timers would be very frustrated, because the new people didn’t know the social norms,” says technologist, writer, and former WIRED contributor Anil Dash. “Exactly the phenomenon we’re seeing right now.” September, for the most online netizens, was a dreaded time of the year. AOL opened the floodgates, allowing anyone to access the internet at any time. AOL’s bloom coincided with the Telecommunications Act of 1996, which deregulated the telco industry and brought internet connectivity to homes and institutions across the US.

This period was called the Eternal September, with “wave after wave of newbies getting online,” Dash says.

The pattern has repeated itself with LiveJournal and even Twitter. Actor and investor Ashton Kutcher appeared on CNN in 2009 and challenged the network to see whose account could hit 1 million Twitter followers first. (Kutcher won.) The stunt led to a rush of users flooding the microblogging platform.

Lubchansky thinks this moment presents an opportunity for people to examine their reply etiquette.

“Read the whole post before you respond. Take a moment to respond. And if you're going to respond with a joke, and we're not friends already, go look and see if somebody's made it already,” Lubchansky says. “Because there's a really good chance they have.”

Meanwhile, Brown considers the block function on Bluesky to be a favor to its recipient.

“If someone comes into my comments and they just really, really don't understand, usually I just block them so we don't run into each other again,” she says. “No hard feelings.” It’s a different approach than the norm on X, where quote-tweets viciously insulting the original post are part of the platform’s noxious fabric.

“I'm not trying to repeat the part of Twitter where the internet makes me mad every day,” Brown says.

Satirical site The Onion has the fifth largest Bluesky account, with over 1.2 million followers. Onion CEO Ben Collins doesn’t mind people replying to jokes in earnest. On the contrary, he says it’s “the funniest part of the internet.”

“It means more people are seeing your jokes,” he says. “If everyone is immediately breaking out into uproarious applause at your joke, your audience is too small.”

As someone who regularly used and posted on Twitter for years, I share the frustration when one of my jokey posts is misread or taken as fact. But it also strikes me as unfair to shame someone because they haven’t been slamming their head on the same wall of the internet that I have.

Not everyone crawled here from the radioactive sewer of X dot com. As we all get settled along with our new neighbors, it might be helpful to remember that. If not, at least Bluesky has very robust blocking features.

[screechingdefendorpuppy-blog]

My Dearest Sevika...

Authors note: thank you so much for the reactions to this lil story. I honestly don't really write much. Mostly because I'm a bit of an in the mood type of writer but this particular story stayed in my brain for a few days and decided to share. Hope you like this next entry. You didn't think I would keep her away did you?

(two Years later)

You hum as you walk towards your car. Buck next to you taking in all the sights of the plaza. It had been a bit of a drive out to the only plaza that was pet friendly.

You had needed the distraction, plus you knew that buck would enjoy the trip.

It was getting close to your wedding anniversary with Sevika. It had been two years without her but you had kept up with your journal. At first you mostly wrote small entries. Lil things you thought that Sevika would like to know about or even should know about.

As time passed the entries became longer and more detailed. It helped to be able to pour your emotions and thought into the journals. it made you feel close to Sevika in a way.

After two years you had filled many journals. At first you thought that you would just finish the journal that you had after Isha encouraged you to write to Sevika again. But by the end of that first journal you found yourself with no more blank pages and your mind full of things to write about. so you bought a new one then another and another. and its how you find yourself on this lil trip with buck with just the goal to buy a new journal.

searching through your purse for your car keys when you hear your phone go off. Grabbing it you see a few missed called from Ran. you pick up the call

"Hey-"

"Where are you !?"

"I- Yes hello Ran how are you?"

"Yeah, hi, hello, good, Where are you?"

"Umm Piltover plaza why?"

"I'm picking you up."

"What? Why?"

" THEY FOUND HER."

Your breath hitches " What...?"

"They found her y/n, she's alive!"

Your mind goes blank. turning away from your car you look around in a daze. Sound ceases to exist except for your pulse like a couple of years ago when you got world changing news. You drop your phone Ran's voice fading.

Alive. How? where has she been these past couple of years? is she hurt? and how bad?

Your knees start to buckle and you drop to the ground leaning against your car. Buck is immediately at your side sniffing to check what's wrong with you. He nudges you with his nose and it makes you look over to him. Tears start falling down your cheeks as you look at him. Slowly sound comes back to you and now you can hear the whines coming from him as he tries to lick away the moisture on your face. You nudge him back a lil bit to make him stop and he ends up staring at you as if waiting for something. Reassurance that you are ok.

That is how you, while looking into his deep brown eyes, come to terms with two words that simultaneously make you happy, hopeful and scared.

"she's alive" you whisper

[hatchetfieldtheories]

Will We Ever Be Free of the Implications?

No, no I don't think so. And neither will Paul by the looks of it.

Ooof, its been a while since something has gotten my theory brain working, and Starkid are very good at peppering in just enough clues for us to all get excited. And for me to start trying to cobble together some theories.

I think I made the gif in about 2021, so its nice to know I'm making just as much sense 4 years later.

Its safe to say the main take away from the new TGWDLM Remount trailer is that Paul and Emma are aware they're living the same day again. Paul in particular knows what his colleagues are going to ask of him before they say anything and he very quickly becomes concerned with the implications.

Now. Do I think this is going to be as explicitly obvious in the remount. Not at all. The show is still the show at the end of the day, but as Paul exclaims, let's think about where the implications of what the trailer is telling us leads.

No Exits From the Broadway Venue

This remount is being described as a bigger and longer run, which is very exciting. It also leads me to believe there will be a bit more filling out of story and connections to the greater Hatchetfield lore.

As @ashtxeman has pointed out here, we're already getting this in this trailer. The Black Book, the reference to the Nighthawks and... well... the big flying Pokey rock in the sky, are all very explicit links. So I think its reasonable that they're going to use this as an opportunity to bring TGWDLM a bit more in line with the other Hatchetfield stories and make the link to the Tellytubbies of Terror more obvious.

Based on all these clues, we can presume for now that all the references to this being "done before" is true to the story they're intending to tell, and not just an easter egg referring to this being a second run of the show.

Ok, that's great Tazzy, but this isn't really a theory so far, I can hear you yelling at me. Well to that I firstly say, please yell a bit louder, all I can hear is Paul and Emma screaming into the blue void, and secondly, I say, this actually gives us the basis for a very interesting theory. For which we need to revisit some other parts of Hatchetfield lore, and our old friend, Tinky.

Time is a Precious Thread...

Since the dawn of time, otherwise known as around the time of the release of Black Friday, there has been quite a bit of discussion regarding whether the shows in the Hatchetfield Series are parallel universes, or if Hatchetfield is going through a time loop of some kind.

Then Time Bastard and Nightmare Time happened, and we learnt a few things. Firstly, that 2005 was a catalyst for the timelines of Hatchetfield splitting, and from that point on each of the shows we have watched have been in a different timeline. In Time Bastard, Ted travels back to before 2005, and this act is the reason why Ted as the Homeless Guy is de facto in every universe. Because it happened pre-split. If you would like to see the split timelines in a handy dandy diagram, @abiimaryy created a great one here.

And so, we rested, accepting the timeline theory.

And then the implications arrived.

Because now we are in a situation where both theories can exist simultaneously. Yes Hatchetfield has split, parallel timelines, but it seems that in this one - there is a time loop.

So how does Tinky come into this? Well he doesn't really. But the way he works, and affects Ted's life makes me look at this loop in a very specific way.

It's a Musical

I dont know about you, but when I go to the theatre and see an amazing show, I get so excited about it. So excited in fact that I wish I could go back and watch it again each night.

Well, I think Pokey has found a way to do just that.

Tinky traps Ted in his Bastard Box, which allows him to mess with Ted and affect his reality. Allows him to observe him.

Now let's look back to the Remount trailer.

We're told straight away, History doesn't repeat, it is - reprised.

We're watching old clips of the original run on a tv screen surrounded by black nothingness.

Look at Paul, sat there, in his little.. blue... box.. of a cubicle. Pokey doesn't have Paul and Emma trapped in a Box, but he does have them trapped. This is Pokey's equivalent. He gets to sit, and watch his favourite musical happen over and over and over.

Its a certainly a longer run.

And maybe, if that's the case. If Paul and Emma are acting this out every day, maybe the 2018 show, wasn't the first loop.

This would put the opening scene of TGWDLM 2018 into a more obvious context, especially in regards to the likes of Emma being involved with the opening song. That song takes place at the end of the previous loop, and is what brings the musical back into the new loop. It's Pokey's I Got You Babe.

[nerdygaymormon]

My friend Mark Melville recently posted on his blog a number of thoughtful question and statements to explain why he doesn't agree with the LDS Church's current teachings and policies regarding LGBTQIA+ people. They’re so good that I wanted to share them.

As a young person, the message I got was that I was inherently bad if I was attracted to boys. The messaging has changed over the course of my life (thankfully), so if it has changed already, why can't it change more? The current messaging is "It's OK as long as you don't act on it." But "just don't act on it" is always going to make people feel broken or defective. I don't see how it could not.

More and more people are coming out—young people are coming out as teenagers, and older people in mixed-orientation marriages are coming out, and everyone in between is coming out. As long as the messaging is simultaneously "You need to fall in love and get married" and also "You're not allowed to fall in love and get married," this issue is not going to go away—no matter how many times you throw a family proclamation at it.

The people who make the rules for gay and trans people are themselves neither gay nor trans. And the people who are obsessed with enforcing the rules are neither gay nor trans.

The Family Proclamation (which isn't even canonized) says, "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." Since 2019, Church leaders have said that "gender" here means sex at birth. But here's the thing: Intersex people exist. There are people whose sex at birth, their physical body, is not quite male or female. If everyone's sex at birth is their eternal gender, then gender is not a binary in eternity. But if eternal gender is a binary, and intersex people are an exception in mortality, why can't trans people be an exception in mortality as well?

Even if it is true that everyone's sex at birth is their eternal gender, why do they have to live according to their eternal gender in mortality? We don't tell people, "You will have perfect vision in the Resurrection, so you can't have corrective eye surgery in mortality," or "You will have all your limbs in eternity, so don't use a prosthetic on earth."

One of Dallin H. Oaks's pet ideas is that queer people should "take the long view," meaning they should live in the way that will take them to the best version of eternity as taught by the Church. But we know virtually nothing about eternity. So in reality, "taking the long view" means to think about living with inner conflict and tension for decades and decades, just to gain rewards in an eternity that may or may not exist. For many people, this just makes them want to skip mortality and go straight to eternity.

There are many things the Church used to teach were sins, or at least not good, such as interracial marriage, mothers working outside the home, and women wearing pants in public. These things are no longer taught (thankfully!).

The Family Proclamation emphasizes a particular kind of nuclear family, with a mother, father, and children. This is a great kind of family; it's the family I come from. But I worry that this emphasis can be hurtful for people with different kinds of families. That includes not just queer families but any family that has been touched by death, divorce, adoption, and other circumstances. 

The scriptures are full of family structures that do not follow this pattern. On the cross, Jesus told Mary and John "Behold thy mother" and "behold thy son." Ruth and Naomi had no obligation to stick together. Abraham and others practiced polygamy. And the family of Jacob/Israel was anything but traditional.

In grad school, I had a very lesbian professor who talked about her children and grandchildren. Then I think about straight people I know who are terrible parents. I can guarantee that my lesbian professor's family life is more stable and loving than that of some straight people I know. There are so many loving families with two moms or two dads. Does God really think the righteous thing is to split these families apart?

Anti-LGBTQ ideas are often framed as "defending the family." But they don't "defend the family" at all. If I marry a man, it will not negatively impact anyone else or their family.

You know what are actual threats to the family? When people feel forced to enter mixed-orientation marriages that end in divorce and heartbreak. When people are murdered for being who they are. When people die by suicide because they don't see a place for themselves. When people are disowned by their families for being who they are.

A man paying for a female prostitute is very different from a man and a woman getting married, and the Church rightfully distinguishes between them. A man paying for a male prostitute is also very different from a man marrying a man, yet the Church lumps them together—and if anything, it treats the marriage as the worse thing.

If God's plan can be thwarted by two dudes getting hitched, then God's plan is incredibly fragile.

In my anecdotal observation, LGBTQ+ folks are among the most devout Church members. For example, in one of my YSA wards, someone told me that another individual in the ward was the best person in the ward, and then I was next. (Those weren't his exact words, but that was the gist.) I wasn't offended, because I agreed that the other person was the best person in the ward. But it turns out that individual is also gay. What does it say that the best people in our wards are gay, and then there's not a place for the best people?

The expectation for straight people is to get married. The expectation for gay people is to stay single. There is already a rule that applies to straight people that doesn't apply to gay people. So if we already have rules that apply to some and not to others, what if the rule that "marriage is only between a man and a woman" is also a rule that applies to straight people but not to gay people?

The rule that "marriage is only between a man and a woman" seems to exist only because gay people exist. Why would God create gay people, and then make a rule that they can’t be in love, even as everyone else is encouraged to be? Or why would he make a rule, then create people whose natural orientation is to go against it? And if he did make such a rule, why would I think that such a being was merciful and good and worthy of my worship? Boyd K. Packer himself acknowledged this when he said "Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone?"

In the early days of the Church, they practiced many kinds of sealings. People were sealed to each other not just as marriages but in various relationships. Many of these were known as adoption sealings, where grown men could be sealed to Church leaders. I don't know what the reality of sealings will be, but I think there's room for a more expansive vision of sealings than the one we have today.

[paper-mario-wiki]

How do you deal with the bad feelings you get from being too broke to donate to the Palestinian fundraisers, but at the same time using your money on stupid things like art commissions?

well you don't, you just get to feel bad.

like, the position of "i know problems exist in the world but i am not going to be the one to help solve them even if i can" is a moral contradiction that occurs to people all the time, and has for as long as we've been able to empathize with problems that do not affect us directly. and like, i dont think you're going to hell for spending your money like that, but you dont simultaneously get to do that AND get a pat on the back saying "no its ok bud u didnt do anything wrong <3". the exact price you pay for knowing you didnt take action, is knowing you didnt take action, because you didnt.

[firefly--bright]

Hii, how are you?? I saw that your requests are open, can I ask for some headcanons about how the birthday boy would ask reader to be their s/o, plss??

I love your Jean fics btw❤️❤️

HII I'm currently dying again when am I not tbh ʕ⁠´• ᴥ •`⁠ʔ

but fuck yes. here to fulfill my duty

✿ he would be thinking about it so much. like so much. it consumes him, and he doesn't want to admit it

✿ like genuinely he's the type of guy to write both your initials with a heart. he does the FLAMES things with your names, feet swinging and giggling in bed just thinking about you and him being eachothers. ykwim

✿ god forbid he says allat out loud though. GOD FORBID.

✿ anyway. he wants to ask you in this grand, beautiful, memorable way. wants himself to be the best person you've dated bcs he's competitive as hell. he's fighting ghosts at this point

✿ he plans out a picnic date with you, tells you it's a surprise. asks you to "wear anything you want queen you'd look good in anything" over text bcs if he has to ask you out for this face to face he would piss himself and die

✿ you tell him you're going to arrive naked. he texts back, "ur a public nuisance" and then panics and adds "a pretty one" ok man. sure

✿ THE DAY HAS COME and he had called his mom like three hours before he had to leave to make sure that he knows how a picnic works. like he has all the food prepared and the blanket washed, anything you'd need to be comfortable outside, he has. digestives. painkillers. epi pens LITERALLY EVERYTHING LMFAO bcs he's thinking of all worst case scenarios. what if a bee bites you and you die.

✿ he hopes you don't. when he comes to pick you up, his breath is taken away from him. he's stuttering over his words to call you a compliment fit for a poetry award, but all he's able to come up with is "your... you're good." that's all. you're good. well atleast he means it

✿ god he's such an idiot. right anyway so the entire picnic, you're making jokes and conversing and he's having such a good time and the weather is actually so perfect, there's gentle wind ruffling your hair when your hand finds its way into his and for a moment he stops listening to the story of how your pranked your cousins once, because all he can think about is how perfectly your fingers interlock with his, calluses and wrinkles laying over his. how many worlds had to have collapsed and remade and how many fates and futures had to be adjusted over and intricately woven together for the two of you to be sitting here, at that moment, the picture of what jean thought to be confusingly perfect sitting next to him, talking to him. his heart simultaneously sped up and slowed down.

✿ okay and this was his plan, right - he'd wait until the end of the date to properly ask you to be his partner. there was an ice cream parlor next to the garden you were sitting in, and he'd made sure they had any of the flavours you usually go for, after which he'd take you for a little drive if the weather permitted, and then drop you back home, which was when he'd ask you. if you said no, then the both of you could have a quick escape (you could simply enter your apartment and he could wallow in self pity in the privacy of his car) and if you'd say yes, he could hold your face and kiss you as he always did, and your apartment would welcome him with its infinite warmth.

✿ but things don't go as planned with jean. they never had ; he's had to change his major atleast three times in his freshman year, his old crush (whom he'd hopelessly planned to run away with) barely even acknowledged his existence, his childhood plans of wanting to help his mother out with her bakery business, plans of finding out where his biological father went - none of them went the way he wanted. so it was no surprise to him (atleast, not as much as a surprise as he'd expected) when he just blurted it out. mid sentence, stopping your dwindling story that you could tell his mind wasn't in, he had asked "be my partner." it wasn't a question, not that you mind too much, but he said it with pleading hidden under his tongue anyway.

✿ there was a best of silence where jean allowed himself to panic and remain hopeful at the same time, contradicting his situation and feelings as he often found himself doing. but then your thumb traces a circle on the back of his hand, and then another, and then your lips were on his cheek, placing a small, inaudible kiss there.

✿ "ask me again. how you want to." you tell him, and god he likes you so much - bordering hopeless again - because you knew, without words exchanged, almost psychic, that he'd actually been thinking about this for a longer time then he let on, that he had a plan, one that he willingly ruined.

✿ he nods slowly, abiding your statement. you continue with your story after a little bit of a pleasing silence, and jean takes you to the ice cream parlor he'd checked out (as expected, you had ordered the chocolate and mocha flavours scooped together), drove you around while telling you about how his sisters absolutely tortured him while soft music played through the speakers, and then before leaving you, infront of the door of your apartment with its inviting warmth, under the best version of a porch light that urban decency could provide that was lined with two moths, he asked you. a proper question, without hesitance but nervousness still, "would you like to be my partner?"

(⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠) happy birthday to that guy. i love him. i hope you enjoyed this!

[daenystheedreamer]

please tell us about alysannejonquil..... you've intrigued me

ok so. jonquil is utterly totally irrevocably devoted to alysanne. her very shadow. nothing is more important to jonquil than alysanne. alysanne is the maiden made flesh. alysanne is a true princess a true queen the most beautiful the most kind the most gentle.

alysanne loves jaehaerys with all her heart, he is her soul she is his heart. she also loves jonquil, as her truest friend. she's like her hand; an undeniable part of herself. alysanne could be bisexual if she knew that existed but truly has no thoughts on this matter.

jonquil knows she is a lesbian and can identify her sexuality. she is also a bastard daughter and a woman knight. she can never be a true daughter nor a true knight.

there relationship is one of meaningful touches, where it is thoughtless and whole-heartedly given by alysanne and obsessed over and greedily, starvingly kept by jonquil. an empathetic pat on the knee. braiding jonquil's hair so it's out of the way. tying the ribbons on alysanne's dress.

alysanne says oh you are my jonquil then i must be your florian. jonquil is gripping her sword white-knuckled. haha yes your grace of course your grace. jonquil thinks about alysanne the maiden in the pool the true jonquil.

alysanne is 15 when the attack at maidenpool happens and i like jonquil at 18 because it mirrors brienne and it means she did her mystery knight tourney at 16 like lyanna. they grow up together. jonquil is beside her for the births of all her children, from daenerys to gael.

jonquil sees the king and hates. and then she repents, because he is the king and if alysanne is the mother then he is the father made flesh. but he puts alysanne in that birthing bed and makes her bloody and still alysanne loves him still alysanne praises him for giving her children.

ok dramatic prose over it got too much. anyway i think jonquil is sort of a weird aunt figure in the lives of alysanne's kids. she's literally been there since birth. ill put her opinions on the kids below the cut. i think alyssa, saera and viserra specifically all catch on and identify exactly what jonquil's deal is and i do believe they each tease and harass her over this. alyssa in a fun and flirty way, saera in a pointed and cruel way, viserra in a simultaneously careless and egomaniac way.

jonquil being the one who physically restrains saera and forces her to watch jaehaerys behead her lovers. Layers. layers to this. saera is an insult to her mother a wicked wicked girl. jaehaerys IS the father IS the king. alysanne must be protected.

jonquil loves the order jonquil loves the system. she believes herself an aberrance and repents over this.

also i think jonquil would get jealous when gael becomes alysanne's bedmate. layers layers layers. she liked daenerys because daenerys died before she could become a disappointment.

i want jonquil surviving alysanne and sticking around at court. like barristan. a shadow once more. i want her to see alicent. i want her to see another faithful girl in the flower of her youth caring for jaehaerys and jaehaerys mistaking her for his daughters for saera. i want to see it. she has a stroke and dies at a sept lying at the foot of the maiden. or mother idk could be either.

i dont like alyquil ever consummate. i mean i can enjoy thinking about it but like in this timeline/au/interpretation of canon/fanon whatever i think its not unrequited its just unconsummated. jonquil knows alysanne could love her, does love her, doesnt understand sexuality, but she could never. but she wants to. and has to apologise to the gods about it.

DAENERYS - cute kid, dies young so jonquil never has to see her become a wicked sort of woman

AEMON + BAELON - she cant tell the difference between them. they are their father's sons. they will be her king one day. Layers.

ALYSSA - i like to think she taught alyssa some swordfighting since alyssa is mentioned as playing with wooden swords as a kid. jonquil has complex feelings on alyssa's early non-conforming gender stuff. i think alyssa genuinely likes jonquil but also likes teasing and flirting with her. unlike her mother alyssa can identify her bisexuality. when alyssa settles down (with her brother) and becomes a good wife (to her brother) jonquil is like. im not going to think about this more than i have to. she is a little disgusted and then feels disgusted for feeling disgusted because aly and jae are sister and brother and aly can do no wrong which means to feel disgusted is to make aly less of an ethereal angel. is broken up by alyssa's death, never wants to think about it ever again.

MAEGELLE - the other good daughter. chose the order chose the system. kind and gentle and sweet like alysanne. faithful and good.

VAEGON - just kind of weird. doesnt like fighting doesnt like fucking. does not entirely fit his assigned gender role, which jonquil should relate to but she's not ready for that cognitive dissonance.

DAELLA - the last of the good daughters. jonquil thinks she's a weakling but then repents for thinking that because women are supposed to be weaklings. sad for alysanne when she dies.

SAERA - the wicked evil WHORE of a daughter. a demon who is a stain on her angel of a mother. of course she turned to prostitution. saera for sure was sexually harassing jonquil cos she thought it was funny. definitely like "awww mummy isnt gonna fuck you but you can settle for me ;)" and jonquil is like. im going to fall on my own sword.

VISERRA - another disappointment daughter. im not sure if i want to go full jaehaerys-abused-his-daughters in this but like. idk your mileage may vary. but no matter what jonquil is still going to be a little misogyinst about it and judge her drinking judge her self destruction. jonquil may hate jaehaerys but if alysanne loves jaehaerys than jaehaerys can therefore do no wrong sort of thing.

GAEMON + VALERION - the kids themselves dont matter but the difficult labours that alysanne went through definitely affect jonquil. she gives the king the silent treatment for a while. curses him and then repents over it and doesnt feel guilty and has to repent again.

GAEL - good daughter, in a way, but jonquil has deep jealousy over how alysanne finds comfort in her. when gael gets doomed jonquil is, deep down, a little relieved and happy because alysanne finds comfort in jonquil once more. lots of praying over that one.

bonus

AEMMA ARRYN - she likes aemma because aemma is nice and gentle and kind (just like alysanne therefore good. a worthy inheritor of queenship) + born from one of the good daugthers

DAEMON - she looks at him and sees saera

RHAENICENT - her head explodes about this

[pinksugarscrub]

Eye Spy

Batfam! x Batmom! Reader

Synopsis: a video made by @TrixkyGoddess on tiktok. Thank you for letting me cook lol

Word count: 1k+

Warnings: chaotic children

~

Running a business is hard but an industry? Ten times worse because the world is on your shoulders. How you find the time to balance your personal and work life is the topic of every gossip magazine. However this social season your face is on the front cover for an entirely different reason.

It’s completely baseless. Utterly baseless. Truly, it’s ridiculous how journalists can come to the conclusion you have a romantic interest in Lex Luthor of all people. 

Ok…maybe there was merit to their claims. 

You didn’t exactly flaunt your marriage with a wedding ring like most couples. God knows how often you lose or damage your jewelry so of course it wasn’t very practical to have Bruce buy you a new one every few months (even if he insisted it was fine). A ring itself was a hazard for Bruce when he was in his suit regardless. 

So was it logical for people to believe you weren’t committed? Unfortunately yes now that you think about it.

It’s likely these same columnists gave up on the ‘will they won’t they’ headlines when neither you or Bruce made a move. At least publically.  

It was just smart for the two of you to keep your relationship private. Bruce had his priorities with your safety and Gotham villains while you had to keep your work on the batmobile and an array of gadgets quiet or else Foxteca would lose its credibility.

Of course people were quick to notice Bruce’s lack of dates after a month or two but no one seemed to suspect a thing. Just that Bruce’s love for you went unrequited or there were personal issues present that held you back in the words of Vicki Vale.

Either way, you’re ready for this month's issue to fade into existence before you have Lois commenting on your relationship from Metropolis. She’s already teased you enough for organizing a formal dinner with the man responsible for the late nights your husbands spend with the Justice League.

You just have to get through tonight. Try not to cringe at Lex’s personable facade. Pretend you hold no ill will. Finish the business deal. Then you could go home and complain to Alfred while you waited for your family to return home.

Nothing could possibly go wrong hero wise when they were all on patrol. Conveniently at the same time but you ignore that in favor of the idea that they at least have some faith in you. In your heart you know you’re wrong.

-

“Ten minutes from the rendezvous point.” 

“Thanks Oracle,” Dick huffed. Adjusting the communication piece in his ear after it nearly slipped out after a jump. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t see.” Tim answers. Shifting in his spot beside a gargoyle to try and get a better view of your office window.

“I’ve always found the other window better for spying on mom.”

“Cassandra.” Damian scowls. Very close to shoving someone off the roof. “What you all are doing is an invasion of privacy. Have you no decency?”

“It looks like she’s setting up for a date.” 

“Deflecting from the question does not change my position on the subject Todd.”

Stephanie snickers beside Damian. Resisting the urge to point out he had moved closer to the edge of the building they were situated on.

“A date?”

Everyone’s startled by the sound of Bruce’s voice but not because it carried through the comms so abruptly. 

“Stop looking at me.” Bruce glares when various pairs of eyes shine in his direction. They’re not deterred.

“He’s here!”

Simultaneously everyone returns their attention to Foxteca. 

“Hurry up Dick,” Steph hisses. “You’re missing it.”

Duke mumbles in agreement. Laser focused on the client you’re meeting. “Do you guys see what I see?”

“Luthor.” Jason nearly gasps. Grinning from ear to ear a moment later. “Oh this’ll be good.”

“B did you-”

“No. I didn’t know.”

“Oh shit. Mom’s in trouble,” Steph whispered. Oohing under her breath as she shook Damian by his shoulder.

“Here, here—” Dick landed swiftly. Out of breath. 

“Why dinner?” Tim mumbled. Rubbing his chin. “Especially in the office.”

“It must be because of the columns.”

“Less publicity.” The lenses of Tim’s domino mask widened. “You’re right Cass.”

“I can’t believe she would risk it,” Jason barked. 

Barbra sighed while staring at her screen. “It’s (y/n) we’re talking about. Self-made billionaire. Of course she would.” 

“He pulled out her chair!” Steph cried. Interrupting everyone’s train of thought. 

“That does not mean anything Stephanie. It’s simply proper etiquette.”

“Say that to his hand on her back!” She pointed. Adamantly looking around for any form of support.

“No wonder she’s been so secretive…” Dick murmured while glancing over at Bruce. Grimacing, at the slouch of his posture.

“Somebody call her! This is a matter of life or death.” Steph cried again. Falling to her knees.

“And say what!?” Tim snapped. Shaking the binoculars in his hand. “She’ll know we were spying on her.”

“We’re going to lie you idiot.”

“Twenty bucks says she notices before they come up with a plan.” Jason whispered conspiratorially. 

Cass smiled under her mask. Nudging her shoulder with Jason’s. “You’re on.”

It wasn’t the family’s proudest moment. Steph frantically scrolling through her contacts. Damian quarrelling with Tim while Dick tried to keep the peace or at least return everyone to some sense of normalcy.

“Uh, guys.” 

“Well if you disagree with this so much you can leave!”

“Guys,” Duke pleaded. Sweating as you stared into his very soul, cell phone in hand.

A ring echoed through the air. The familiar melody of a Batman jingle Dick found on the internet in his earlier Robin days.

Everyone was silent. Still as a strong gust of wind blew by. Then the music stopped.

“Scatter!”

-

You sighed. Tapping your heel impatiently on the tile of your office. Watching the blur of colors and capes you followed the line of grappling hooks until your family disappeared into the night. All except for your husband. 

“Bruce Thomas Wayne.” You spoke slowly into the phone. 

Bruce sagged deeper into a puddle. His cape almost makes him look like a blob or an entirely different entity.

“Bruce.” You shook your head. Keeping your voice low so Lex couldn’t overhear. 

It’s safe to say the manor was devoid of any life when you arrived. As if any one breathing would disrupt and possibly end the space time continuum. 

Waking up to breakfast in bed certainly was fun but tickets to your dream destination was the icing on the cake.