#they bond to people and get sad when seperated and they live FOREVER and theres so many parrots that get super neglected with like 0 toys

[yandereshingeki]

weird early morning opinion because i’m feeling strongly about this today:

i think you should need a license to be able to buy and own most medium-large parrots

[youregoingtobe-thedeathofme]

if you pass by your soulmate but don’t meet them, the day you passed them will repeat over and over until you finally find them. (Ted and ??? )

oh my god and this would have been when Ted started working at THE OFFICE!!! Which totally fucking works for... CCRPOLY!!! All of them!!!

So He goes through his first day, getting all introduced and he’s funny but a lil slimy as a first impression instead of an unbearable douche (that happens after a few weeks of working with him)

He meets Bill, he meets Paul, Davidson, Melissa, Charlotte, some tech and warehouse employees, and to welcome him to the office they all go out for coffee and he meets Emma, too.

When Ted wakes up to the same damn day he’s kind of annoyed that This was the day, because first of all- it almost HAD to be one of his new coworkers, and secondly, that would take for Fucking Ever to figure out. Spending each day dwelling on one person with the odds slim would mean he’d be replaying this day for a week.

So he does, getting more and more frustrated because he kissed Bill in the parking lot and it felt Real but no, he wakes up to his first day again.

And Charlotte feels so comfortable to vent about her marriage (probably because she’s had to find soulmates that are Not her husband on 3 seperate occasions before now) and Ted and her share a cigarette and hold hands and he is in love with giving himself up for tragedy so He thinks it has to Be Charlotte but it ISN’T

So it’s got to be the assistant. Melissa’s pretty, but Ted feels awkward just talking to her, about how she looks at him. He quickly decides that he does not want someone to be his soulmate cause they see their Dad in him, so he actually gives up halfway through the day and speedruns through Davidson and the I.T department, beginning to flirt- He actually gets in quite a bit of trouble, so he’s almost hoping to replay the day.

And he does. He’s almost visibly bored and upset as the day progresses, and that’s when Paul notices him. And some kind of fire lights when Paul Notices Him. Ted’s thinking this has to be it, but his thoughts still manage to wander even as he bonds with Paul. He actually tells Paul he’s trying to find his soulmate. Paul thinks its very sweet, and its so charming that Ted has admitted this after spending a whole day with him. And then He admits he’s had several repeat days in the span of the last year, and this is one of them. They’re both convinced, and in their excitement hook up at Pauls place.

Something hurts within Ted when he wakes up in his own bed. He remineces the three people who have made him feel like this, and how he already cares about each of them.

And he decides the world must be a sick cruel place after all, so instead of focusing at work he speaks to those he brushes by, every single one of them. Learns their names.

Nothing. He wakes up more frustrated than before, far earlier than he’s supposed to due to restless sleeping.

So Ted, at 5 am, with 2 hours to spare until work, goes to Beanies. And he finally really gets to meet Emma. Because who the hell else in hatchetfield is getting coffee at this local version of starbucks at 5:30? So Ted begins to think- hey. This is my soulmate. She’s my soulmate.

In a spur of sudden confidence he asks her on a date, actually. Well, It’s not a date. He offers to take her to a different establishment somewhere else and taste something better than coffee, and she agrees to meet him when she gets off.

And its Lovely. It really is. While Ted is pondering over Emma being his soulmate, he’s also pondering over the other 3 he’s fallen a little in love with. And he feels terrible about it. But this has to be it, right? She’s one of the last people he met on this day. They have firecracker chemistry. He kisses her at the door of her appartment complex and she writes her number on his wrist all cheeky with a signature. They make out at the door of her appartment complex, But it’s Ted who has to pull away and bid her goodnight when all he remembers is how Bill tasted in that parking lot.

He shakes the feeling as he walks home, only punching Emma’s number into his phone as he slips into bed. ���Goodnight, princess.’

He’s barely concious when the response comes. ‘G’Night, asshole.’ He beams, plunging into a restful sleep.

Ted wakes up slowly, for the first time. He rubs his eyes and something feels off. Maybe that something means it’s a new day, right? He can’t help his sleepy smile as his eyes adjust, reaching for his phone. If Emma just broke him out of this hell, she certainly deserves a good morning.

And then he can’t find the conversation, which is weird, but maybe its cause he was too tired to give her a contact name. He looks to his arm for the digits

It takes about a minute for shock to dissolve into some kind of frustrated sadness. He always thought he didn’t deserve a soulmate, but he didn’t know an eternal first day at work would be the result of his self deprication.

But he gets up. He doesn’t know how, but theres still a little drive in him.

Ted’s been fueled by the lifetimes he thinks he’s lost.

So he goes to work. He chats up paul on break and gains his attention cause he knows how to now.

He talks with Charlotte at lunch, but instead of just holding her hand for comfort he admits that Sam sounds like an asshole, and she deserves someone who legitimately could fall in love with her. Every morning. Not just once. And this time they Kiss. And Ted’s delighted enough to decide if the day repeats he’s doing the exact same fucking thing for forever when they do.

Ted chats with Paul at the end of the day, and something drives Paul to kiss his cheek. Something very similar drives Ted to squeeze at his hand and double-check he has his number. It’s another moment he’ll revisit when he wakes up today, but for now he’s living in the current today when he spots Bill.

He tells Bill he’d love to get to know him, cause they’d be working so closely. He teases Bill about his dresshirt while he’s at it, and Ted’s delighted when a flustered Bill offers beanies. Because he’ll see Emma before she gets off.

And he hits on her, just to see how corny he can be and still land her number. Instead of in his wrist this time, Ted gets a scrible on his coffee cup. But it feels just as right, when he goes back and gives Bill his drink. “What, you said surprise you- it’s called a frappecino, Come on you’ll like it.”

And Bill and Ted are at beanies until closing. Ted listens, which is a new sensation, but he does. As Bill talks and asks for some kind of sympathy which Ted gives generously. Bill’s situation is shit. He wants nothing more than to help him out of it. He places his hand on Bill’s, and not even two minutes later Bill is walking out nervously, citing something about his daughter as he nervously puts his coat on

And this is really new. Ted didn’t know what he had done, honestly. He calls after him, manages to stop him in the parking lot. The sun is going down when he finally puts a hand on bills shoulder. “What- what’s wrong- We can really just forget it, I’m sorry, Bill i just-“ “I can’t- I just can’t-“ “can’t-what?” “You. Again.”

Ted’s left with some kind of shock in his stomach as Bill heads to his car. “Again?” He repeats, but Bill’s already got the doors shut and Ted Can’t Move.

He blows it. He can feel it, when he walks home. He doesn’t even bother texting Emma.

He goes to sleep, knowing what he’s going to wake up to. And gets ready like he did the very first time. Goes to work like he did the first time. Does everything like the first time, cause he knows they’ll all go to beanies.

He gets everyone their coffee, as in their favourite kind, without prompt, and asks very politely if Emma can take it to the table for them. He tips her 50 bucks, and assures the rest of them he’ll cover their bills.

They sit at a table and the other three try to get Ted caught up on work details or people he may not know enough about. He quiets them as their coffees come, and before Charlotte can ask him how he knew how much she liked chai lattes, he clears his throat and asks emma to just take a breath here.

“Alright. It’s my Fucking millionth time doing this day. And I have a theory. Paul, you mentioned something about multiple repeat days? No- not today, the second today.” He pressures, and all Paul can do is nod and blush, muting himself with his black coffee. “Good. Now, we’ve all been here before, haven’t we?” Ted’s eyes are on Bill now, who can’t hold the stare. Emmas transfixed now, nodding a little. “You know-“ “sshhhh, princess. I do know. Multiple soulmates exist. You typically pick the one you find first or the one closest to you- but look what happened, huh?”

“What happened?” Charlotte questions, and ted stands, grabbing for his iced latte and lookinh down. “Nothing, Charlotte. I just fell in love with all four of you. Because I think you’re all my soulmates.” Ted gets it out, looking over puzzled faces. “Damnit- it doesn’t matter, does it. Because either you’re not and I wake up today again, none of you remember, or you ARE all my soulmates, and tomorrow we talk that out. I’m exhausted, theres my number.” He points to the scrap paper on the table.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” He dismisses, and then He’s Gone.

He wakes up to 3 messages, but 1 comes up as he finally rises from bed.

‘Good morning, asshole.’