#they arent as aggressively gay as other people in the game

[jayt23]

Timerra/Nel really is the mix of Chrobin and Netteflix that I didn't know I needed

[antiv3nom]

asuka ask game? pick your favorite one

ok so i do enjoy asuka guiltygear but i have been thinking REALLY hard about asuka tekken as of late so we're talking about her today

also this took me WAY too long to post i apologize but it Is out here so yaaaay

favorite thing about them:

ok so legally i have to mention asuka's tekken 8 design because motherfucker WHAT were they thinking with that one. what the fuck was the inspiration. but i love it so much i cannot lie

other than that, i really enjoy her rivalry with lili and how moderately insane that bit has gotten, and i like how they've kept her a character who is a) defensively focused in her gameplay even among the generally aggressive play of t8, and b) has a generally down-to-earth feel to her despite. Everything. happening in tekken

least favorite thing about them:

so i was actually talking to a friend about this recently and she explained my feelings really well, its like. asuka feels like the protagonist of another story that isnt being told.

it feels like she has so much stuff that COULD be a really interesting plot focus for her but it just. hasnt been? like everything between her and feng COULD be so neat but its just been sort of...by the wayside for the past few games in favor of keeping up with the mishimas (new sitcom there btw)

favorite line:

asuka's quotes are fun but most arent super noteworthy unfortunately? its mostly pretty standard fare for fighting game open and win quotes unforch :( i will say though, i do really enjoy this win line in t8 from her:

It's not good to fight all the time. Well, see ya!

bc like. girl. what do you think youre out here doing rn. girl please

(note: i dont speak japanese so i couldnt say anything towards this, but i wonder if asuka speaks with a kansai accent/dialect in game? her being from osaka and all, itd be a cool little addition)

brOTP:

omg actually ive seen stuff between leo and asuka that's been fun before i really enjoy that, iirc theyre not super close in the main canon but i wanna say in the non-canon webcomic theyre friends? i think thats right? either way its a fun concept

OTP:

asulili...uwoagh........

fellas is it gay to buy your rival's dojo and fill it entirely with roses to get their attention? certainly not. certainly.

i do wish we saw some amount more narrative tension between them since most of it has sort of dissolved by t8 but i do think theyre really cute and as mentioned before i really do enjoy their whole bit its awesome

SHOUTOUT ASULILI WEEK BTW I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO PARTICIPATE BUT I AM HYPED ABOUT ITS EXISTENCE

nOTP:

i do not think i have been around long enough to see another pairing for asuka, let alone one i dislike, so i cannot answer this question LMAO

random headcanon:

spun my mental wheel of headcanon topics and it wouldnt stop spinning for like half an hour unfortunately so im just telling you that i think asuka would play baiken or may in strive

unpopular opinion:

i still havent been here long enough to know whats unpopular regarding her :,) although i think in terms of gameplay i think she's cooler than most people believe, though i do agree that her current iteraiton in t8 isnt very strong within the meta unforch :(

song i associate with them:

i can nigh on guarantee that it's because ive been listening to this song while thinking about her really hard recently but absolute zero by natori (banger btw go watch the music video it goes unbelievably hard), i think the lyrics arent entirely unfitting though!!!

favorite picture of them:

i really like this profile art option for her, the posing is fun and the textures on the clothing are really impressive

and then also i have to mention her preset 3 outfit which i LOVE SO SO MUCH

(apologies as i cant find a better example pic and do not feel like opening t8 at 2 in the morning on this day)

[milkbath69]

Heyy

I remember you were you saying that you dislike tlb fanon bc it was ooc... so what do you imagine the boys would be like, then?

Why do you like the greasers? Is it solely because of canon or do personal headcanons make them appeal to you?

I think I like Zoe because she's aggressive and assertive. I've always admired girls who stand up for themselves, especially if it's in a cunty, firey way. Fearless, I guess. Brave. But yeah, I see what you mean about Jimmy and Zoe's romance being rushed.

Love the little devil horns for Jimmy...I would honestly wear them year round if I could get away with it.

Do you play Jimmy as more 'nice' in the game? Or do you make him a ruthless asshole? I was... mostly nice. Ocassionally, I would antagonize the nerds or the jocks, if they pissed me off. I also weirdly loved driving the lawn mower from the mini game. I even saw a lawnmower you could drive irl and I was tempted to steal it. Weird times.

Do you have a favourite Gorillaz character? Or are you solely into the music? I like Murdoc because he's a fruity satanist. He's undeniably a piece if shit, but idk... I relate to the misfit aspect of his character. And what songs do you like by the band? Off the top of my head, it would be rhinestone eyes, on Melancholy Hill.

I also wanted to wish you a Happy New Year. I hope you have an awesome night and all the best for the upcoming year.

for the lost boys mm all the stuff that i have seen has been x reader stuff and its been uh not great... from what ive seen people tend to make them like instantly fall in love with the reader because she is just SO different from everyone else on the boardwalk or she's just unafraid of them or some other dumb reason and like that doesnt make sense at all?? like did we all watch the same movie they kill people they killed that boardwalk security officer and he sure as hell wasnt afraid of them. i guess in my mind theyre a lot more gay (seriously why is the reader always a female did we watch the same movie they wanted michael BAD) a lot more violent, and a lot more bitchy because they arent nice people in the slightest and i think its a little ridiculous how fanon makes it seem like they are OR they would be just for y/n because people lets be real. michael emerson was the y/n and they were pretty bitchy to him

to be honest i like the greasers the most because of their outfits and i think their theme is the best (though all the clique themes are so good) i dont really interact in fandom spaces much besides fanart or fanfiction so i dont really have any headcanons for them. i did hear one of them say "stay gold ponyboy" as i was running through the autoshop once which i liked bc surprise!!! im also a big outsiders fan

i can see why people are fans of zoe bur for me she was introduced too late for those parts of her personality to really show yk? her character as a whole felt like a big afterthought to me especially in the cut scenes with jimmy

oh i was a cunt with jimmy. i beat up like everybody every chance i got LMAOO around like 50% of my gameplay was just me beating up people who didn't deserve it. i would be fighting with the adult townies, jocks, greasers, prefects, basically EVERYONE. most of the time they had it coming though. they kept insulting the fit! they had to be beaten up. i do remember one time i made jimmy stay up all night fighting people at the carnival and when he woke up HE HAD NO CLOTHES??? WHO ROBBED HIS ASS?? WHO WAS SO DESPERATE THEY NEEDED A FIFTEEN YEAR OLDS SHIRT, SHOES, PANTS, DEVIL HORNS, AND THE LITTLE BRACELETS??? LIKE ??

my fav character would probably be russell but tbh after around the song machine? i think ? i stopped listening to their new albums. cracker island just sounds so bad and dont even get me started on that GOD AWFUL album art. i have so many gorillaz songs i like its hard to choose.. i got introduced to them by rhinestone eyes so thatll always hold a special place in my heart and plastic beach as a whole is my favorite album. i think maybe 5/4 or sleeping powder might be my favorites but its hard to choose

thank you!!! happy new years to you too!! i hope you have a good year aswell!! im actually going to be able to go to the outsiders museum from like january 8th to the following monday idk the exact date so im starting my year off right :p

[ryuzakjis]

glamrock bonnie theory!

ok hey fnaf fans! my brains been brewing with a theory about exactly what happened to glamrock bonnie for a while so i wanna share what ive come up with !!

now i know theres a lot of people under the opinion that monty had decommissioned bonnie a short time before the events of security breach, but in my opinion most of the evidence people had pointing towards monty being the perpetrator has been rendered prettyyy baseless after the release of ruin.

so now im beginning to point fingers elsewhere.

specifically, fazbear himself.

OK but just hear me out because i know what ur all thinking !!! but a close relationship has been established between bonnie and freddy in both the base game AND in the ruin dlc !!!!!! how could he possibly become suspect to these claims !! and to THAT i say... Motive.

now by no means am i implying that there was malice behind my theory of events, i know freddy and bonnie were obviously extremely close before his decommissioning (gay robots hehe..) but id like to draw attention to how much emphasis was placed on bonnie and freddy throughout the game! i have a feeling that this was intentional.

one thing that caught my attention in particular was the fact that there are now confirmed to be 2 glamrock freddys.

at first glance, a second freddy seems to make sense considering that in the majority of the base game endings, freddy ditches the plex alongside gregory. of course they would need to use a second freddy after all that happened in security breach! but even so, this is easily disproven by the fact that all of the animatronics remain in the state gregory left them in, implying that fazbears immediately went out of business after the events of the game.

this implies that there must be another reason for the existence of 2 freddys.. now i KNOW this still seems a little skeptical considering that prototypes arent often used in the final product, but at the same time it does seem like the prototype freddy had been used as the main attraction before, a clue towards this being the gift in his stomach hatch. and anyways, would fazbear entertainment really spend all that cash on a whole other model after creating a functional prototype..?

but regardless of whether or not u think that theres another reason behind the existence of 2 freddys, there was clearly some emphasis on fazbear - like the graffiti along the vents, the intentional prototype print on the bottom of his paw, the focus drawn to him and bonnies relationship.. this along with monty's origin story, which seems to subtly shun freddy throughout, gives me the feeling that there must be more to it than what we initially assumed.

now to shift our focus to the possible motives of bonnies decommissioning.. what if he had been the first target of glitchtraps virus? this would make more sense now that glitchtrap is basically confirmed to have been the mimic all along because of COURSE the mimic would have a rabbit bias if its basing its behaviour off of afton!! and now that bonnies body has been found in bonnie bowl, monty being the aggressor seems to be off the table. sure his aggressive nature initially would place him under suspicion, but this flaw isnt any different to chicas food cravings and roxys perfectionism, i dont think his temperament is anything more than just another flaw displayed to show off the ai's sentience. under this premise, i have a slight suspicion that monty was simply used as a sort of red herring to cover up the truth of what happened.

so what actually happened?

what if while spending time with bonnie in the bowling alley one day, freddy was suddenly presented with the impossible task of facing off against the first victim of the virus. while attempting to fight off the unknown virus, maybe bonnie had begged freddy to put a stop to it for his own sake in order to save his best friend from destruction during the small moments of clarity he experienced while fighting for his own autonomy. the amount of damage on bonnie suggests a struggle, so maybe freddy was forced to obey bonnies request when he realised it was too late for him, grabbing a bowling ball and following through as a very last resort. perhaps this is why a second freddy had to be built, what if the aftermath of losing his best friend by his own hands, as well as the damage he wouldve sustained in the struggle, rendered freddy beyond repair.

BUT of course this is just speculation based off of the hints given to us, so if anyone has any criticism feel free to share! and even if this ends up being disproven, its at least an angsty headcanon i quite enjoy..

[applekitty]

i’ve seen lots of talk about escargoon lately

so i want to talk about him too. please note, i’m not specifically talking about sub or dub escargoon, as they both are still very similar in execution.

escargoon is a character who was written to be comic relief. he was written as to have the whole ‘oh boss is mean to his underling haha look at this idiot minion get beat up’ dynamic thing that so many other shows have, but escargoon deviates from the narrative by showing romantic interest in his boss. he’s shown to be gay / coded gay by the show numerous times (though it usually differentiates depending on who’s writing him) through his actions, and through the dub inparticular through his voice. and there’s our problem. 

if i may deviate quickly to be my onbrand 4kids stan self.. to be quite honest, 4kids had the right idea by toning down the gay escargoon had in his dialogue because just.. jesus christ, i don’t want to listen to this poor gay guy pine over the fucker who beats him! that’s like fanfic levels of awful! i dont want to blame 4kids for the voice chosen either, and i fucking wont because 4kids didn’t make the decisions on the voices, japan did. the voice still sounds like a stereotype gay one, which still gives us gay escargoon, but at the very least we don’t listen to escargoon lovingly sing about how much he loves the guy who beats him. 

anyways. 

he has the similar problem that le fou from beauty and the beast (YES, both the 2d and live action ver) has. he’s there to be beaten and there to be abused and there to be gay. we’re getting a gay character beaten and abused onscreen constantly. his affections will never be reciprocated, and to be honest it’s good that they arent— his boss being a mean asshole means if they were reciprocated it’d probably be purely for deceit or to gain more power to lord over him and make him do what his boss wants.

escargoon as a character, being gay, is cool. the way he’s written in the narrative is not, and despite me being the biggest anime fan around i’d never side with how he’s written. it’s truly unacceptable, and honestly if he had gotten better treatment that would’ve been great. if he were able to take out his aggression on dedede, or leave, or anything, that would’ve been great. but due to syndicated tv programming we couldn’t get that (we need everything to go back to normal after the episode ends unless it’s a 2 parter).

something also noteworthy is also the nastiness of escargoon’s character. because when he’s not around dedede, when he’s around people he cares about (such as his mom), he can legitimately be sweet and caring. but when he’s on castle grounds or in the car with the king he’s a completely different person. whatever reason he may have for that, it shows escargoon is a redeemable person, he has more depth than just ‘evil sidekick’, and has an opportunity to be better.

escargoon’s character is very much a victim of circumstance, and his narrative is too. he’s a victim, also, of internalized homophobia among writers who weren’t exactly fully aware of what they were writing. japan was never very good at the whole ‘gay character’ deal, and it continues to not be very good with other lgbt+ identities *cough* trans people *cough*.

escargoon is and always will be forever stuck in a limbo of status quo where he can never leave. and when i think about it that way, it’s very much a accurate depiction of abuse in relationships. he always gets a reason to stay and never leave, via force of the narrative. he is always forced to be dedede’s consort, and he can’t ever deviate. he is forced to be abused over, and over, and over again, and he can never leave. he is never given a chance to leave because he is a main villain, and he needs to be there to be dedede’s ‘comical’ gay punching bag.

the only people who say escargoon’s treatment is easy to ‘brush off’ are either dedesuka shippers, people who have no braincells, or strawmen. people who completely devoid the relationship between escargoon and dedede of any abuse, imo, are wrong to do so because it is a key in their relationship. you cannot have these two be together and have it not be abusive, canon has shown that through 100 episodes of constant snail abuse. to brush off the abuse after that much of it being shown is disrespectful to escargoon’s character and simply should not be done. 

escargoon deserves to have peace of mind not because the abuse simply disppeared. lets be real, i’m sure he hopes that the abuse will stop and things will go back to ‘normal’, as most abuse victims do. he remembers and KNOWS there’s times when dedede’s not hurting him, maybe one day dedede’ll stop hurting him for good. but no. it does not work that way. we cannot give that to him because that means he’ll stay with his abuser, and dedede will not give that to him because he’s abusive.

escargoon deserves better from us, he deserves closure of a mature kind. he deserves to he, himself, realize the cycle he’s been through for 100 fucking episodes and try to take a stand. he gets tiff and tuff and kirby to help him and he finally removes himself from dedede, even though it makes him sad to do so at first. he starts to heal and he starts to move on from dedede. he can become self dependant, he can work on his own flaws that he’d developed by being around dedede, he can become a better person and work to be nicer. he needs to heal.

but if we can’t get that, then..

it’s time someone on ao3 or ffn or SOMEWHERE started shipping him with their oc. because lets be real no one else in the series is good for escargoon, not even meta knight. let escargoon heal and grow, become a good person, then give escargoon a good husband.

edit 6/14/19:

No. ‘Game Dedede’ Is Not A Good Husband For Escargoon, Get Off My Post.

[void-official]

“Micro-identities/’Mogai/ya’ll literally just be making shit up now” OK. i’m sorry im stuck on this and this is the last i’ll talk about it today bc fuck it. I’m gonna be Real for a second. And it’s going to be awkward, and it’s going to be long, and I’m gonna Lose Follower bc defending micro-labels is Cringe. Whatever. I get it. go ahead and unfollow. The rest of you who actually care. and in the spirit of Pride Month, as someone who feels like they’re almost never allowed to express Pride in who I am? Here we go.

I’m bi. Most of you can probably tell, im not exactly subtle about it.

I’m bi. But

my actual interest in dating or having sex with Anyone has been pretty much negligible for my entire life. I just don’t Care. I never have. Dating and sex seem like a hassle to me and I don’t feel like i’m particularly missing out by not taking part in them. It doesn’t negate my enjoyment of peoples bodies necessarily, nor does it mean I never get crushes on people it just means at the end of the day, my desire to go out there and find people to have sex with and/or date has always been like. really really low. Even if the opportunity was there. And i’ve come to terms with this. I accept this about myself.

There is actually a great deal of overlap between bi and ace identity. all those ‘weird little terms’ like ‘demisexual’ you guys hate so much were originally created for people like me, who feel like they are fundamentally not allowed to call themselves something straightforward like ‘bi’ (or straight/gay/lesbian) without people inevitably screaming at them for Doing It Wrong. So they can describe how they feel in a brief word, instead of having to go through the pains of explaining the complex relationship they have with sexual attraction to every fucking person who asks what their sexuality is.

saying ‘well you should just be able to say bi and leave it at that’ doesn’t actually account for the experiences i have when i Just Say i’m Bi. Even me Just Saying ‘im bi’ i’ve always gotta deal with harassment from people whoget weirdly agressive about -why- i’m not out there fucking or dating the people i claim im attracted to. Am I a prude? a Tease? Just an ‘Acey’ lying for brownie points? Am I Actually Just Traumatized? (They ask in a really aggressive condescending way, like thats actually how you should talk to someone you think is potentially traumatized) But by the standards of this discourse, i’m not allowed to call myself ace either, because then people are going to yell at me that if I experience the tiniest smidgen of sexual attraction or romantic inclination sometimes, or post pictures of sexy video game characters, clearly i cant be that either  I literally can’t win. there is not a thing I can call myself that won’t earn me the ire of LGBT people on tumblr who think they know me and what i should call myself better than I do. And believe me i hate talking about this More than you do. I’d rather just shut up and let people Assume i’m whatever they want me to be sometimes but then mutuals i thought i trusted will inevitably openly make fun of the people who outwardly call themselves demisexual or whatever microlabel is trendy to shit on currently, and usually i bite my tongue cause at the end of the day its Just Words, right? I don’t even use that word, right? Its just words and some words can be interchangeable and not everyone knows what they mean which can feel alienating and unnecessary to people who don’t understand them. I -get- why people ‘cringe’ when they see like 10 terms they don’t understand in someones bio. why do you think i don’t even list anything about my sexuality in mine other than my pronouns?

but I always remember like. just bc that label isnt For Me, it doesn’t mean there might be someone in a similar position to me who doesnt feel comfortable just calling themeslves bi, and prefers the label ‘demisexual biromantic’ who feels like that phrase puts them in a place of peace and contentment, and I wouldn’t argue with them about it. Bc thats their fucking choice. Them being happy with who they are takes priority over my personal opinions of the language they use. same with gender nonconforming people who dont want call themselves trans or nonbinary. Thats fucking Fine. I’m not telling you to have to use the same words as me if you don’t feel like they’re necessary or accurate. I literally don’t give a rats ass what words you use to identify yourself so long as they’re not being used to hurt other people. I just want to be able to have Words, for myself, that describe how I feel, that don’t result in people treating my entire identity like some shitty discourse Meme. And right now I have none. No matter what I call myself, people choose tell me it’s not accurate, or its too complicated.

As for all these shitty fucking posts about people ‘forcing’ young people to take up labels. This. This doesn’t actually happen? (OK I won’t say it doesn’t happen ever on an individual level? but that its not something enforced or encouraged by any group as a practice, and that distinction is necessary, bc saying it happens on a large scale literally implies predatory intentions from a massive group of people instead of members of the group behaving poorly as individuals)

Demisexual people as a whole have literally never told me i had to call myself demi just bc my sense of how i experience attraction might be similar to theirs. Ace people as a whole don’t usually tell people whose lack of sexual attraction is caused by trauma or who havent developed enough to experience sexual attraction that they -have- to call themselves ace. Most Bi or Pan people are fine with the fact that their labels have a lot of overlap and that the line between these things can be murky, they arent actually constantly ready to tear each others throats out over whose terminology is correct. All of this shit is made up by hateful people, or people taking a few examples of poor behavior out of context as an excuse to shit on everyone else, and well meaning people keep falling for it bc it -seems- helpful to be. reactive. I guess? to people you’re constantly told are hurtful to the causes of marginalized people. but im telling you. its not true. literally nobody forces you to call yourself any of these words, they just Exist out there in case you want them, and if you think thats somehow a threat to other peoples identities or to Minors just like, conceptually, for existing, for being Too Specific, im sorry but what other word is there for your reaction than phobic? If an individual derails a conversation about Y to be like “You didn’t include _X_” or tries to force their views on a minor who hasn’t developed a stable sense of identity yet, that is an Individual behaving in an inappropriate manner, not an invitation for you to throw the whole group under the bus. I hate to tell you but if you’re using examples of individuals on tumblr who say stupid shit, everyone on tumblr says stupid shit and butts in conversationally where they’re not welcome. Universally. It’s how tumblr is formatted. Trust me, I have like 4 viral posts going right now.

i’m just tired of it at this point. im not cool with people who stretch to make fun of micro-labels all the time and think they’re being woke allies or w/e to the ‘real LGBTs’.  Even if a lot of the time I personally don’t care for all the labels and wouldn’t choose them for myself, I still feel like If you can’t treat people like individuals and assess their character on a case by case basis, i don’t trust you. I don’t like people who stereotype and LGBT people are not immune to this behavior. Like i don’t say it often but it fucking hurts, and it hurts other people I’m close to who I know have similar complicated identities and struggle coming up w/words to describe themselves that the whole of tumblr LGBT+ will approve of and agree with (clearly an impossibility because there are still people who don’t want bi and trans to even be in there). I might tolerate the constant jokes and not block on principle of knowing not everyone has ingested and thought about this discourse in the same way I have, and im a big tough adult, ultimately i can take it. but inside i know no matter what i call myself, if i were earnest with some of you about how i feel I’d probably be just another ‘special snowflake Delusional mogai creep’ to you, and i can’t deny that fucking hurts to think about. I try not to talk about it openly bc it embarrasses me, bc i dont think my sexuality should have to be battle ground for discourse for people who are supposed to be on my side. But there it is. I think most of this discourse is Trash, and clearly not for the reason most people on here say its trash, not bc theres ‘too many specific words, y’all just be Making Shit Up’ but because so many of you are more caught up in the words than the substance of the arguments or the needs of people whose experiences might have a lot of overlap with yours regardless of what word they’re using to describe it.

Anyway. happy pride to LGBTQA+ people who still dont really feel pride in themselves or their identity. I’d say you’re valid, but you don’t need my validation or anyone elses to understand that you’re a person deserving of respect and compassion. You exist as who you are, and you have to come to terms with who that is, regardless of whether or not you feel like you’re accepted for it. if not pride then, settle for confidence in who you are.

[chimcharstar]

1-50 ho

you got it ho

1. What’s your favorite candle scent?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. ive been Purchasing various smelly candles for my gay divination activities, and i have a few nominees. i first thought of the candle i have now, a pink one with a very sweet vanilla smell, i love very sweet smells because it makes me think of candy which i tend to try to fill my inner void with. however im going to go with the first candle i bought, a dark orange one with a citrus smell. citrus scents are my next favourite and specifically this one reminded me of curiously smelling candles at my piano teachers apartment when i was very young. 

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?

idk. ive been listening to her lion king stuff lately. dont judge me i needed to hear remixes of lion king music i was lost in that sauce in high school. and i just think shes neat. i dont think she would aggressively make me feel bad about everything, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?

Look……. i really don’t know???? what is the criteria?? do they need to be like my siblings? dare i criticize my arguably criticizable siblings by picking out my ideal siblings? if i pick an ideal sibling, what does that say about what im lacking in my life? do i pick celebrities i hate so theoretically my family shames them into becoming silent and self-defeating

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?

50. i think im going to have to figure myself out for a long time, and achieve some personal goals first. thats my excessively confident prediction and PERHAPS educated guess

5. Do you know a hoarder?

nnnnnoooooooo????? not a real, cant function because of hoarding hoarder. i can see in a few family members, including myself, liking to hang onto things that maybe become sentimental/unnecessary clutter but that sounds like something many non-hoarders experience?

6. Can you do a split?

lemme try one sec

NO

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?

Idk maybe 7? Or 11? i think my parents taught me at a children age and then i started biking for fun like, later, like pre middle school?

8. How many oceans have you swam in?

1. i dont really remember swimming in an ocean but i may have faded childhood memories of salty water and seaweed

9. How many countries have you been to?

2… i went to idaho for a band trip… my dad really doesnt like travelling

10. Is anyone in your family in the army?

HAHAHA

NO. ACTUALLY YES. but its funny because the specific brand of christianity we are supposed to be is super pacifist so ive heard. but then i remembered one dude apparently who joined the us military?????? it seemed like it was… an unusual choice. i dont really know anything else about this guy, not even his name

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?

🙏 *inhale* buddy. oooooohhffffff i want to say something gender neutral honestly. i dont want to rock the boat being unconventional or something but im just thinking of all those years trying to live up to a feminine name

12. What would you name your son if you had one?

same i guess… why have i never thought about this????? was i preoccupied naming myself.

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test?

hmmmmm hmmmmm trying to unlock the vault. i think i remember a 1 or a 0 on a math quiz. i think i got 30% or something very very bad (i dont even want to know) on my last english exam, but to be fair, i was having such a bad mental breakdown my professor did an intervention

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?

like a very very small child? i was obsessed with the save-ums (?!?!?) for some reason. i would sing the anthem… no. theme song? i dont know. i guess it was catchy and there were lots of fun characters. OHHHH I SEE WHATS WRONG

ITS BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD A TV TILL I WAS LIKE 5 OR SOMETHING. what are you cultured people watching as children? what are the shows? 

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?

>:(

My Halloween experience:

i dont even remember i probably had some kind of fairy wings? i think i remember fairy wings. we went to one (1) house. later on, since we werent allowed to go trick-or-treating, we were each allotted a certain amount of candy, and if we ate more than a designated amount per day, we were in trouble and wouldnt be allowed anymore. i do remember getting in trouble for this. i think i stole someones candy. sibling against sibling. finally we were allowed to go trick or treating, i went with my younger brothers and by then, was a teenager and felt too tall and really uncomfortable

LMAO I JUST REMEMBERED THAT LAST TIME WE WENT TRICK-OR-TREATING NOT IN A RURAL AREA, my dad drove us around in a van and watched us like a hawk i believe. it was very tense and methodical.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?

i read the harry potter series (I WROTE SIBLIGS LOL) more times than i could count while growing up. i read the first hunger games book and didnt fancy it for whatever reason, and i had an obnoxious twilight-hating phase.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?

no

sometimes, though, im really genuinely worried about what accent i do have. im worried i read so much harry potter growing up, it rubbed off on me. when i was a server, people would ask about an unusual accent i apparently had, and once, when i was talking to a super british guy who called me luv at walmart, he was like STOP. WAIT. YOU HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT. and i was like WHAT UHHH BYEBYE AND HE WAS LIKE NO. I HEARD YOU. STOP and i was like that michael jackson meme where he covers his face running away and everyone else in the line was staring

18. Did your mother go to college?

i believe she went to a bible college where people put a grand piano on top of the roof. 

19. Are your grandparents still married?

all of my grandparents are dead.

…. hmmMMMM yow. ok. my grandparents who werent estranged stayed married for as long as either of them were living… however, my OTHER grandparents, i mean the fucking kidnappers, my abuser grandpa… remarried? when he was… really really aging. im judging him for it because i know what kind of person he was.

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?

I WISH. my parents didnt seem to like that sort of thing (surprise). im interested in it now but… as usual… i feel like its too late, im too old.

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?

….. i… i thought i did… hes blessed… thats all.

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to?

ಠ_ಠ 

*crickets*

how could you ask me this?

no wait! i went to the waterslides. then, later on, i was never allowed to go to the waterslides.

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?

Spanish. ive been “intending” to learn for a long time, and a lot of people who have been really good influences on me and been genuinely kind to me speak it, id like to learn it

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?

grey

one sec

yup thats canadian!

25. Is your father bald?

on the top of his head, yes >:(

26. Do you know triplets?

no?

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

no? what is this straight stuff? i listened to the dramatic titanic song and felt nothing.

28. Have you ever had Indian food?

i guess so, at a friends house! i dont think otherwise ive gone to a restaurant and actually had indian food

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?

*gazes tearily at my OWN FUCKING OLD WORKPLACE

the food was sO GOOD MAN. IT WAS SO GOOD. im just not saying because despite how stalkable i probably am already, i dont want to be specific

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?

no whats that

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)?

w

belong? whats bjs? whats a warehouse for?

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

i decided at one point they would never tell me this and it was no use asking. i do know they almost named my brother a very fusty old fashioned name fitting in with the thomas the tank engine theme 

33. If you have a nickname, what is it?

G is the ONLY one i will accept so far.

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world?

:)

i……… hmmmm…. i really dont like picking favourites. each person in my life has a unique relationship with me (even though a lot of them arent very warm, trusting or close). because of unhealthy middle school friendships ive grown an aversion to ranking relationships as if they have material value.

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?

rural, i think. i need nature in my life!!! but i also need to be able to have connections to people.

36. Can you whistle?

yes, but not very loudly or accurately

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?

no, but ive always wanted a nightlight

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?

ive started to, yeah! this morning i made a whole thing with bread and mushrooms and eggs, and coffee, and i ate it outside watching the traffic. im really trying to treat myself nicely you see. its what id do for someone else.

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?

THAT

BOY

JUICE!

WELCOME TO MY BUILD A BOY WORKSHOP!

SHOTS!SHOTS!SHOTS!

and im really fortunate to be in pretty good health, and have access to things i do need

40. What medical conditions do you have?

I dont think… i actually have any. id say gender dysphoria but i think it was informed consent. (im VERY lucky)

im pretty sure there are SOME mental conditions running around undiagnosed. MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY

41. How many times have you been to the hospital?

for myself? once… when i got hives and started swelling up all over, but otherwise was fine. i really wonder what that was. other times was visiting sick/dying relatives which has made me feel sad and apprehensive whenever i enter a hospital or smell the food

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?

yes! i had a gerbil named nemo! 

43. Where do you buy your jeans?

D:

i dont … remember … really nowhere special i actually have yet to find some jeans i LOVE. sometimes there is a pair of jeans that sparks joy. i do not have such a pair

44. What’s the last compliment you got?

my sister said my pants looked good on me. they are actually their pants, which they left on the floor in my room for an unknown reason, and they want them back. of course.

but because im excited about it and want to brag, the real compliment was when i made borscht and my sister not only ate it faster than me, but wanted a second helping. and my roommate stuck his face in the steam and said it smelled good. hell yes. i put fucking cilantro in it. fcking beast mode.

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?

yes. theyre usually really emotional and symbolic. if ive been talking to my parents, theyre usually nightmares. ive been reading about dream interpretation for a long time to deal with some of the ominous images that can come up

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?

red rose reminds me of wheni was little my mom would make really sweet sweet red rose tea for me (thats the kind she drinks all the time) and it brings me those good feelings. otherwise licorice spice really appeald to me for some reason.

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?

LMAO UHHH…brb

six. because of social pressure.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?

i never thought about this kind of thing…. i really don’t know….. id just want them to know how to be kind to others and themselves and thats literally it. 

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?

i was one of those edgy kids trying to spoil it for everyone. guess what other common fun thing my parents didnt do

50. Why do you have a youtube? 

i dont! so i dont know what this question means! :)

HOLY SHIT I MADE IT THRU HIGH FIVE 

[youmeanlove]

15 through 25 for u and wilson Pwease :-3

AAAAAA THANK YOU ERIC I LOVE YOU!!! tumblr deleted my whole answer so these are in a little less detail than when i first wrote it im sorry!!! thank you so much i became gay while writing these

What animal can you and your f/o agree on being the cutest?

Otters!!! Every time we go to the zoo we BOOK IT to the otter tank so fast dude..love those guys… If we’re talking house pets though it’s cats for sure!!

When (if) you and your f/o live together, what things do you always have to have in the house?

First the entire Real Housewives of OC boxset because Beverly Hills wasn’t out yet sadly..pensive emoji pensive. Other than that a TON of hard pillows because we can’t sleep without holding onto a motherfucker.

Who’s the best at comforting the other when they’re afraid?

Wilson!!!! I be like: a traumadog and gets really upset sometimes and he be like: cares for me and is very kind. He has that special kind of hug that’s the most comforting thing ever when you’re crying on a bathroom floor, y’know? I try my hardest to help him when he’s upset too ofc but I’m more like that gif of the guy patting someone with a broomFKJSF in a good way..

Do you and your f/o play video games together? If so, what games?

YES ITS CANON THAT WILSON PLAYS LIKE GTA GAMES we’re gonna go fucking ham stealing airplanes and blowing up shit!!! We like to play co-op puzzle games too!

Who gets scared and calls the other to kill a spider?

Neither we’re both cowards!! We just stare at the spider from the bed/counter/couch etc. and wait for it to leave. Sometimes we’ll scream for the other person just so we can scream at it together lol

Do you two like pineapple on pizza or no?

Wilson does and every time i think about it i want to attack someone.

Do you and your f/o ever dream about each other?

OFC our whole story is just based on yearning and pining babey...i wake up in a cold sweat because i had a dream about kissing my old man boyfriend asmr. Wilson wakes up next to his wife because he dreamed about his college roommate asmr.

How did you two meet?

We met in college because i’m gay! Second year of school at princeton in a chemistry classs!! Lab partners because DUH!! We were just big homo friends through pre-med courses and then moved in with each other during med school to save money!

When did you two start falling in love?

Im gonna have a breakdown. We started feeling the ‘oh god this is going to turn into love’ crushes around the same time after a few months of really hanging out! After that though, we all got fucking wacky with it. Wilson was quick to kind of realize he was in love with me after we moved in together, and i realized i was in love once he started dating a girl and i was like bro i can tell ur not happy bro..take my hand i am comforting you with my hand bro why are you sad..bro… we were just very tender and honest in that moment and i was like yoooo i gotta goKJFHSJF

Who says “I love you” first?

Wilson said it jokingly when i brought him a coffee once and we blushed for like 3 hours but the first time we really said it was. Okay this is litearlly so stupid dont laugh. We were learning morse code for the lulz in our apartment after class and i tapped it out to him very sincerely and he was like AAAA and then tapped it back and i was like AAAAA and then we said AAAAAAAAA!!! And then we kind of just do that to each other on our desks and stuff when we pass by every once in a while...gay shit

When confronted with a dangerous situation, who jumps in front of the other to protect them?

Honestly we both kind of do in different ways! Im very very quick to overreact to people i like being in uncomfortable situations so i have a tendency to walk into a convo already on guard and verbally aggressive to anyone i even think is being rude (and most of hte time they arent LOL) while wilson is better at calcuating that kind of stuff and is more likely to step in to soemthing to keep me calm instead of attacking the other person!

Physical danger umm we’re in a doctor tv show who knowsKJFHS but in college we wer ready to beat someones ass so fast even if we never won

[botseeksbot]

sorry 4 a lot lol but spy/heavy/sniper/soldier

im just gonna answer all of them here bc bruce repeated the same characters other people sent me but ty everyone who sent one ily

also read more bc i fucking cant shut up

spy 

favorite thing about them

ghfkldjshkj i have a soft spot for trying dads :pensive: also he’s so fucking funny and i love how he talks ?? he’s such a fucking asshole but also he’s like sweet when he needs to be [like to Miss Pauling in the comics and when Scout was dying. also just the whole thing he says to Scout when he thinks hes dying makes me so fucking emo i fucking love one dad]

least favorite thing about them

ok real i like never get angrier playing in game than when im constantly being backstabbed by spies / my shit it getting sapped [but playing engie makes me so aggressive to begin w gfdghlksdhg] . about his actual character though ? uh . IDK REALLY LKJGHLKSJG 

favorite line

god he’s so fucking funny sometimes but really the whole speech he gives to scout in the comics when scout’s dying . also whatever he tells that baby in the smissmas comic is good . thats a dad !

brOTP

i was gonna try to pick out my fave buddies for him but i was really just listing all of the rest of the mercs glkhfdsjk but if i must limit myself Miss Pauling and Scout [his lesbian daughter and gay son]

OTP

SNIPERSPY ! close second is . literally like everyone else except pyro [and obvs anything deplorable]

nOTP

ok ignoring anything deplorable [including Pyro] . uhhh nothing rly . Spy ships are good

random headcanon

his first name is Léon ! and he’s in stealth abt being trans except to Sniper [obvs], Scout, Medic [Medic knows bc hes . the medic], and Heavy . also he learns tht he actually likes doing “dad” stuff with Scout [and Miss Pauling] through doing stupid shit with both of them . he also enjoys singing [and gets drunk during the holidays to sing holiday songs + play the piano] . also he’s half Japanese + wears colored contacts [bc i’ll die the day i give any of the mercs natural blue eyes]

unpopular opinion

UH idk many opinions about Spy bc i try to avoid most fandom spaces [despite running a discord server kjglhl] but i think . most of the time he’s overhyped [along with the other skinny white characters frm tf2] and theres a lot more interesting characters 

song i associate with them

fuck idk man Love by Of Monsters and Men or Killer Queen by Queen

favorite picture of them

im not looking for anything new ths is just what i have saved .

heavy

favorite thing about them

sweet giant russian man . also a bear [thank god] . also i love his family ?? and he’s just a cool dude ?? what’s not to love GOD I LOVE HEAVY

least favorite thing about them

not enough fan content for him :[

favorite line

he doesnt talk much but tht one line where he’s like “in russia, if hand is sick, you cut of hand, etc” tht ones so funny lkfdshlkjh i love heavy 

brOTP

again literally everyone all the mercs are best friends =__=

OTP

BABEY YOU ALREADY KNOW ITS HEAVYMEDIC

nOTP

again nothing weird [Scout or Pyro and obviously Miss Pauling]

random headcanon

autistic legend . he’s really bad at reading the room / people’s feelings and he feels bad about it sometimes . really bad at displaying emotions too . also in stealth about being trans [only out to Medic and Spy] . he smokes with Spy when he’s stressed and doesn’t drink that often . also one of the neater mercs [he was the oldest sibling !!] and had one of the cleanest rooms on base .

unpopular opinion

heavy is NOT just Medic’s bear boyfriend PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD give him more solo content @ the fandom . also he’s trans and theres like no art of it even tho he’s like . trans man legend.

song i associate with them

lemon boy - cavetown  .  shrug .

favorite picture of them

idk HOW i dont have ANY pics saved of Heavy besides pride icons but here you go 

sniper

favorite thing about them

stinky australian man . he has such creepy voice lines lgkjlkj . what is not to love  ? also sexy . 

least favorite thing about them

stinky . and creepy voice lines gkldhlkjds NO i love sniper sm again what is there not to love

favorite line

god his voice lines are so fucking good . all of them .

brOTP

SNIPER SCOUT BABY ! but really him w the rest of the mercs is good

OTP

SNIPERSPY . but again everyone else is good too . DemoSniper ?? very good .

nOTP

SPEEDINGBULLET . ITS SO FUCKING POPULAR TOO I WANNA DIE

random headcanon

he likes walking around a lot !! cant sit still very well . always smells like the outdoors [though not always in the best way .] can sleep almost anywhere . also not really good at picking up social cues but can wing it . cant socialize for very long periods of time without getting tired . really affectionate to people who know him . can catch any animal with his bare hands . sunglasses make it harder to see [esp in the base] but he wont admit it . really self reliant . has a lot of weird talents he just picked up while he was growing up . also he’s maori bc fuck canon .

unpopular opinion

THAT MAN IS NOT 30 YEARS OLD AND ALSO SPEEDINGBULLET IS SHIT . also like i said abt spy overhyped bc he’s white twink .

song i associate with them

UH vagabonds - misterwives or the wanderer - dion dimucci or rose colored boy - paramore 

favorite picture of them

idk if i have it saved but theres that one sexy panel frm the comic

i just have ths edit but u get it . sexy .

soldier

favorite thing about them

STUPID RACCOON MAN !!!! he’s so fucking funny and i love him so much he’s so sweet .

least favorite thing about them

UH not popular enough and some of his voice lines are dumb

favorite line

literally everything Soldier says is comedy gold esp the comics w Merasmus  

brOTP

again literally anyone

OTP

DEMOSOLDIER !! and also his 2nd boyfriend is Merasmus . soldier has two hands

nOTP

soldier/engie makes me wanna die 

random headcanon

he’s really as dumb as rocks but has a heart of gold . he’s smart in where it counts [THE HEART] . he likes helping people even if he fucks up . he collects different things but eventually gets bored of it and moves onto something else . kinda shy about his appearance ?? hence the helmet . one of the more outspoken mercs, he’s not afraid to speak up if someone needs him to . doesnt understand any of Medic/Engie/Demo’s inventions/work but he admires them for it anyway . a beacon of joy for the base . they all love soldier even if he gets violent accidentally 

unpopular opinion

HELMETPARTY IS NOT GOOD . idk much else about what the fanbase thinks of him

song i associate with them

god im running out of songs frm character playlists i made months ago tht arent tf2 related at all but We All Die Young - The Decemberists or Buzzcut Season - Lorde

favorite picture of them

HE HAS SUCH A GOOD SMILE

pyro - bruce sent me another ask w pyro on it but im lazy so im doing it here

favorite thing about them

LITTLE ARSON BABY !!!! I LOVE PYRO SO MUCH

least favorite thing about them

??????????? idk people hate pyro a lot for gameplay reasons but i could never be angry :]

favorite line

all of pyro’s lines are good esp the ones where it has multiple interpretations 

brOTP

ENGIE !! THATS HIS DAD !! also Scout . and really the rest of the mercs

OTP

none . 

nOTP

really anything except ig Scout . engiepyro ? exceptionally bad imo

random headcanon

the youngest of the mercs !! self conscious about his appearance . looks up to Spy bc MASK BUDDIES . gnc nb trans man [he/they pronouns] . sees engie as a dad figure and uses the muffledness of his speech to call him “dad” sometimes >:] !!  really affectionate . doesnt have many talents besides setting things on fire but willing to learn any . hates talking about his past . has the worst sleep schedule out of the mercs [medic being a close 2nd] . speaking of medic, medic is the only one who knows what he looks like [secret buddies !!] . also calls spy “dad” sometimes .

unpopular opinion

im so fucking sorry i dont know how to play pyro besides wm1 but also i really dont give a shit if other people do it . let people play however they want . 

song i associate with them

little pistol - mother mother / machine - misterwives / lost boy - ruth b 

favorite picture of them

[tandytoaster]

I’m gonna be a fuckin bitch for this post and i’m not really sorry i don’t think.

So i’m in college. For social work. To help people. You know. Getting my life together. And in the beginning I made a friend who likes nintendo games and i was like OH BOY, MAYBE THEY LIKE METROID. they did not and i have continuously made the mistake of associating with this kid. Like almost every day he does something that makes my skin crawl with the feeling of “oh my god i canNOT relate to this kid at all”. 

At first my issue with him was that he reminded me exactly of Tristan except not evil. My second issue was just that he gave me wicked secondhand embarrassment. My third issue is that I have not the slightest idea why he’s still in this course, he has proved time and time again that he has learned nothing. 

The first red flag that went up for me was personal because he reminded me of Tristan. The second one went up when he said that he felt gay people were shoving their gayness down people’s throats and that he was sick of the rainbow flag. When he first said that I was like, are you fucking kidding me? I told him about the ratio how many straight movies there are compared to gay ones, I told him about how the rainbow flag is a symbol of safety and acceptance, WE HAVE ONE IN OUR GODDAMN CLASSROOM. He told me that in highschool almost every classroom had a gay flag in it and almost everyday there was a class discussion about it. I asked him if it was the students or teachers who brought it up and he said “mehhhh it was the students” SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT TELLS ME? THAT THOSE WERE GAY OR TRANS STUDENTS NEEDING ACCEPTANCE. AND YOU’RE HERE IN FRONT OF ME, IN FRONT OF THIS RAINBOW FLAG, COMPLAINING ABOUT THEM. He wanted to “agree to disagree” about it but I was like “no man your views are potentially harmful”. People overheard us arguing and they sided with me, the student council president i think it was spoke to us and said (in response too “theres too much gay stuff”) “I’m actually trying to get them to paint the crosswalks here rainbow”, so like, take that.

And we talk about this stuff in class fairly often. We’ve spoken about the importance of symbols, identity, flags, safe spaces, we get DEEP into it. But you know what this kid does all class? He looks at memes or plays fire emblem heroes on his phone, sometimes he plays his whole ass switch in class. OR! or or or, he gets up and leaves in the middle of a lesson that holds CRITICAL information that would help him become less ignorant and prejudiced. Just the other week we were talking about how straight people will never know the struggle, the oppression, that nonstraight people face, and of course this kid was just playing on his phone, and ohohoho the instructor called him on it and got mad and it was honestly? So satisfying. 

So I had to be the one to explain to him what oppression is and how fuckign serious it is. People fucking die man. This was around the time the whole “gays own splatoon” thing happened and the dude was SO upset about it. I was like “.... you realize those are all jokes right? Nobody means anything by it”. He sort of got it but one thing he said is like, big fuckin yikes. He said he seen a meme on the drawing feature or whatever that said “straight people suck at splatoon” or something and he said he was actually offended by that and if it wasn’t for the fact that his best friend is a lesbian, these jokes that he’s seeing would probably turn him into a little bit of a homophobe. And because I had to be civil and he did want my help I was like “you have to work on that, you NEED to do something about that”. Because you can’t be like that in general and you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT be like that going into the field we’re going into. 

I wish he paid attention in class so then he wouldn’t come to me to ask “hey how do i not be homophobic” and get me all mad but then i cant get mad because that doesnt help either of us. at least its good practice for the future and any weirdos i get in my career. 

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh “at least”. That’s one of his favourite things to say :))))))))) at least at least at least AT LEEAST. We’ve been through a semester and a half of counselling skills and you still have not learned how to properly console people. “At least” belongs in a pity pile, “At least” is you saying “youre problems arent THAT bad :)” you think it sounds nice but really youre just belittling the person and their issues. oh my fuck he SMOTHERS people if they’re having problems. Last week I guess I was “off” or some shit idk! something i didnt wanna talk to him about, AND HE KEPT GOING ON  “whats wrong. do you wanna talk about it. you seem upset. you seem upset. whats wrong. im here”, SO I TURNED TO THE DUDE AND WAS LIKE “You’re going to make me a lot worse if you keep asking, and you and I both know you hate it when I get angry :)” like im ready to verbally rip this kid a new one i am SO ready. 

Today he was smothering one of our friends because they went through a break up and oh my god even the tone of voice he uses sets off my shut-the-fuck-up reflexes ?? He was like “do you need anything, do you need snacks, do you need a hug, do you want me to buy you something, do you want me to rough him up, do you want me to send him a message, please dont cry crying is bad, do you want a hug” and our poor friend just sat their sulking not saying anything PROBABLY BECAUSE HE WAS SMOTHERING THEM. They got up and went somewhere so i turned to him and said “YOU ARE SMOTHERING THEM (awkward laugh to attempt to hide my anger) you are smothering them you cant do that. So he said “Hey you know word of advice you need to word things better because you might hurt someone’s feelings” and all i said was “right”. Then later in the day I’m talking to our heartbroken friend and I’m using actual skills we learned in class and WHAT DO YOU KNOW, we’re making progress and they’re talking about it to me. 

I’m so aggressive with this dude because 1, i cant stand him, and 2, he hasnt gotten it through our non aggressive talks in class. I wanna kick this into him, like 2013 tumblr style LISTEN UP FUCKER type of shit. 

When i explained to him a few weeks ago that Homophobia Is Bad, do you know how he thanked me????????? He gave me his copy of ssb melee. That game is like his pride and joy and it sells for 80 fucking dollars and he gave it to some bitch that doesnt even like him. I don’t even want a thank you for telling you to not be a homophobic piece of shit. So now I have this copy of melee that i feel horrendous about having because I don’t even like this kid anymore i’m sick of him.

and the week after he gave me that guess what i found out haha???? HE HAS A CRUSH ON ME!!!!!!!!!! AWFUL!!!!!!!!! WHY DO YOU LIKE ME!!!!!! I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT CONTINUOUSLY HURT YOUR FEELINGS I DO NOT GET IT.

Last week he left a bag of those hersheys clusters on my part of the table and when i seen them a wave of defeat and anger washed over me, i dont want your fuckin gifts, i dont want your money, i dont want you to give me things because you like me. i do not appreciate it. it feels wrong. I think he cried because i didn’t acknowledge the bag. after class he said he got them for me and i told him i didnt feel right taking them, so he said “just pretend that they came out of nowhere” and i shook my head and said no and i left them there. idk what happened to that bag. 

twice back in september he commented on my eating habits, said i had a sweet tooth WHEN I WAS EATING HEALTH FRUIT GUMMIES???? so now i cant eat in front of him or else i panic. 

we’re fine texting each other but i really do not enjoy being around him irl. and today i came to the realization that I’m not gonna get along and vibe with everybody, he just happens to be one of those people. 

so now i’m like, angry a lot of the time again because i have to deal with him and his terrible work ethics and tristan transference 

I should’ve known he didn’t like metroid.

[feralphoenix]

lwoorl said:

Could you explain more the stuff about hetero normative in the town? Like, point stuff in which  it’s evidenced? I didn’t actually notice it, so maybe I missed something

warnings for discussion of deadnaming and implied atmospheric homophobia/transphobia here, also spoilers for the end of chapter walkaround but

just off the top of my head, all the prominent gay couples in undertale arent together in deltarune. hometown is dinky but for some reason undyne and alphys have never met. bratty and catty hate each other. rg01 and rg02 are just “bros” and rg01 is no longer bouncy and effusive.

deltarune mettaton has zero confidence in himself and it’s implied he doesn’t have a body here (probably for the same reason all the amalgamates are dead, because alphys is a teacher instead of a scientist and it’s unclear whether determination is even a Known Thing in deltarune).

the main character is almost definitely intended to be the deltarune world’s equivalent of frisk or chara (my guess being that they’re frisk and goner human from gaster’s intro was deltarune chara, based on some of the mc’s traits and that they show up as frisk’s reflection in that one dummied out waterfall room in undertale). but whichever, they’re not referred to by the name they use in undertale so there’s a very strong possibility that they’re still closeted and this is their deadname. (i don’t think anyone in hometown refers to them with third person pronouns at all in the demo so that’s hard to make a firm judgment call on; we’ll have to wait until we get more game before we know for sure - but there’s no constant and aggressive use of they to refer to them like there is with chara and frisk in ut).

they also seem really unhappy and depressed; my friend sam mentioned this on twitter but they’re super unemotive compared to frisk and chara in undertale and it’s hard to tell what they think and feel about things.

i definitely did not get all the dialogue in the end of chapter walkaround and there are a few places i did not poke my nose into to begin with, so there may be more. the main protag’s classmate noelle is apparently implied to be gay with a supportive dad, dress lion is still wearing a dress, and it’s hard to tell what’s going on with nicepants since they don’t talk about each other much, but thats so much of the prominent queer rep from undertale.

the conservative christian atmosphere of hometown and the recurring motifs of imprisonment/feeling trapped throughout chapter 1 don’t bode well either. gaster’s warning from the beginning of the game also refers to gameplay (since toby’s confirmed that deltarune will only have one route and one ending) but i feel like there’s a double meaning there in terms of the in-game setting. a lot of the characters seem pretty miserable in this world so i am worried

i trust toby almost absolutely though (and also idk about toby himself but a lot of the people who’ve helped him on this project already are gay and/or trans), so i’m sure he’s set the world of deltarune up like this for a reason and we’re going to get some kind of followthrough or context on it in the full game.

[aldaerianreynardgradston]

Interview with Alder

1. What is your name?

"Alder Gradston"

2. What is your real name?

"Aldaerian Reynard Gradston. A wee bit to formal fer me in'nit?"

3. Do you know why you were called that?

"No clue as to why me folks decided to name me like a bloody noble."

4. Are you single or taken?

"Taken but don't let that fool ya, I'm game for a wee bit o' fun if ye are, lass. Err or ye a lad? Oh boy..." Even under his fur, it's apparent that the worgen is blushing as he pulls at the collar of his shirt.

5. Have any abilities or powers?

"Well I dabble in some healin' a magic but nothin' too fancy. Always had a bond with dogs and can almost understand 'em. Oh and I can shapeshift"

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

"A what? Ye daft idjit what are ye goin' on about?" The disgruntled worgen takes a sip of some whiskey. Slyly, under his breath, "An' me name's not Mary."

7. What's your eye color?

"Well right now they are a lovely shade of red." Alder flutters his eyelashes in a heavily sarcastic flirt before chuckling deeply.

8. How about your hair color?

"Me coat looks black but it's actually a charcoal black," he looks at you with a puzzled eyebrow cocked up. "Am I no allowed to pay attention to me own fur? Got tae keep it clean an' ye notice the color when ya do that."

9. Have you any family members?

His mood shifts all of a sudden. He now is much more stoic and almost reclusive.

"Can... can we change the question, please?"

10. Oh? What about pets?

His spirits almost instantly uplifted at the idea of talking about pets.

"Oh, aye, I got plenty o' pets. All of 'em are me dogs. There's Sparky, me oldest dog who was with me before the curse. Toby, Bronn, Rex, Mist, Cyril, Byron, Tiberius, and..." he goes on and on describing his 'dogs', of which you are certain probably only 3 are dogs and the others are all much more aggressive breeds.

11. That's cool I guess, now tell me about something you don't like.

Alder growls low, "Sylvanas..."

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

"Huntin' obviously. I love tae fiddle with me guns; some might even say I'm a damn good gunsmith. Shootin' whenever I can. Oh yea, and drinking; a lot." He raises his glass and sips.

13. Ever hurt anyone before?

"Aye ye could say that. E'ry notch in me rifle is one who shoulda kept his head down." There are about 18 tallies on one side of the rifle's butt.

14. Ever... killed anyone before?

"Did... did ye miss tha meanin' behind me last answer? How daft are ye, ya bloomin' idjit?"

15. What kind of animal are you?

"Well, ye'd think I was a wolf but I've been told I share traits with that of a fox. Thus, me informal title of The Black Fox."

16. Name your worst habits.

"I tend to go a bit, um, feral, I guess ye could say. Lose me temper sometimes. Tha drink donni help none either."

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

He shifts once more. In a somber tone, "Me da'. Looked up tae him since before I could walk."

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

The worgen clears his throat before finishing his whiskey, "I'm straight."

19. Do you go to school?

"When I was a lad fer a wee bit. Me da' was real keen on me bein' a smart cookie. Guess it worked," he laughs.

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

"Aye, s'pose everyone does at some point. Just with tha Horde and that bloody sword... I'm not sure if I should bring any wee baby Alders inta' tha world."

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

"Fuckin' hell I'd love tae meet 'em. Who said they want a piece o' this beast?"

22. What are you most afraid of?

"Tae be honest? Everything I've ever cared about has been taken from me. Me family, Gilneas, Teldrassil. Never again." A fierce determination burns in his eyes.

23. What do you usually wear?

"When I'm not huntin' or fightin' I'll wear me long coats an' me derby."

24. Do you love someone?

"Aye, a beautiful night elf girl. She's the biggest pain in me arse I've ever had tae deal with but damn I wouldni trade it fer tha world."

25. When was the last time you wet yourself?

A very concerned look washes over Alder's face. "Why in the name o' tha titans and tha wild gods would ye wanna know that? Pro'lly when I was a wee lad. Coulda been when I was piss drunk though. I like tae get pretty hammered."

26. Well it's not over yet!

"Well if that's tha case I'm gonna need more whiskey."

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)

"Well growin' up I was low class. Damn near dirt poor. But now I think I'm upper middle class thanks tae this here," he pulls out an inscribed Alliance medallion with the word 'Houndmaster' on the front face.

28. How many friends do you have?

"A few close ones. None too many. I feel if ye have too many friends ye can spread yerself thin."

29. What are your thoughts on pie?

"Mmm, pie." His eyes glaze over and his tongue hangs out. An audible grumble is heard from his stomach.

30. Favorite drink?

"A nice, strong, Headlands whiskey."

31. What's your favorite place?

"The Headlands. I wanni go back there one day and see me old home."

32. Are you interested in someone?

"Why, ye lookin' fer some company tonight?" He winks one, strangely alluring, crimson eye.

33. What's your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

"Ye really want tae find out, love?"

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

"I'd definately say a lake. There was one near me home in tha Headlands growin' up."

35. What's your type?

Alder raises an eyebrow, "Hm, I'd say tall, thin yet curvy with curves in all tha right places," he wiggles his eyebrows. "Most likely elven. Donni really care what kind. Always had a thing fer elves."

36. Any fetishes?

"Oh, ye really are pressin' these intimate matters, arent ya? Join me fer a drink after this an' ye might find out."

37. Seme or uke? Top or bottom? Dominant or submissive?

"Keep pokin' me with these questions an' I might just show ya."

38. Camping or indoors?

"I'd love tae be campin' more but with tha war rampin' up I've been confined tae me office and tha trainin' grounds."

39. Are you wating for this interview to end?

"If it means I get tae answer those naughty bit questions in a more... demonstrative way with ye, then yes."

40. Now it's over! Tag 3 people.

(Dont have anyone to tag on tumblr :/)

[fuckdavestriderheistheworst-blog]

you too buddy all the SO questions

ugh why damn it i did not ask to be punished by means of talkin about vantas until my fingertips bleed

but fine

Significant Other Asks

1. Tell the story about how you met.

it was over the summer about three years ago and tumblr kept pushing a certain blog at me and upon checking it out i decided to give him some troll asks (which looking back upon now were lame as fuck? what was i thinking honestly)

anyway that became me revealing my blog over tumblr and then lo and behold we had a college class together and we realized we were sitting beside each other and i told him that his major was an “easy major” or something and basically he hated me for a while there 

2. Was it a gradual increase of trust and love, or was there a specific moment where you knew “I want to be with this person for a long time”?

it was gradual for sure i went from picking on him to agreein to let him tutor me in english to craving his friendship and then falling in love with him without even realizing

before i knew it i was head over heels and here i am, happy as fuck that im dating my best friend

3. Describe their eyes. Describe their hands. Describe their laugh.

his eyes go from being like cinnamon to being like hot chocolate, in color accordin to lighting and in mood, his hands are warm and comforting to hold and are quick as all hell on a keyboard, and his laugh is rare but memorable, like its dusty from misuse and drizzled over with the annoyance i usually provide him

4. What’s your zodiac sign and mbti type? What about your partner’s? Do things like that reflect your actual compatibility or is it just bunch of bunk?

i had to google what my zodiac was because i think both of those things are bullshit but im a saggitarius and an isfp (or was it istp i dont remember its been years)

vantas is a gemini and...

i dont think he ever tested for it because he isnt internet quiz garbage but hey what does it matter without knowing his results i know that we are a fine match

5. Are you long distance? Have you met in person before? When do you get to see them again?

no, yes, and probably this evening when i bring back dinner

6. Tell me a story about a happy experience you two shared. Something that makes your heart warm whenever you think about it.

something that makes me feel really happy to remember is the new years eve after he got those color correcting glasses and i took him to watch the fireworks and he was so happy and amazed at the color and the show and i was so proud that i could do that for him

7. Tell me a funny story. Did they do something silly? Did you do something silly? Talk about your inside jokes.

one time i groaned into his ear and called him daddy to test and see if he had a daddy kink or not and he was SO into it so now im waiting to call him daddy again when he least expects it

8. Are your families supportive? Does it matter if they’re not?

yeah as far as i know both sides are

9. Would you ever have a pet together? Do you already have one?

we sort of have pets together but theyre also just kinda our own pets but with shared care 

10. Do you have children together? If not, are you both interested in raising children some day?

i dont really want kids and i dont think vantas does either like ever we arent even married and also having kids would be a hassle

11. If they’re having a bad day, what do you do to help?

i usually just sit and talk to him and support him like a friend and boyfriend should do its not really anything special but it works every time

sometimes i surprise him with relatively cheap gifts or food too but he doesnt like me splurgin so i try not to make him uncomfortable

12. If you’re having a bad day, what do they do to help?

same thing really hes always there for me to make me feel better and talk things through 

13. What’s something that your partner does that would be annoying if anyone else did it, but it’s cute when they do it?

scolding me like he is a third parent, somehow its endearing when he does it

14. Have you ever went on a vacation or adventure together? Tell me about it. If not, do you have plans to do something fun in the future?

yeah weve gone on a few sort of technically 

that one road trip to texas we took and spent a while on

the trip to malibu

were planning (or i am) for a trip to europe this summer if its at all possible with our schedules

15. What’s something that you learned about yourself because of being with your partner?

that im enough just being who i am and that i can have a relationship without cash at the forefront

16. What’s a piece of advice that your partner gave you that has resonated with you?

you dont have to bend over backwards for somebody to please them or make them like you just be yourself

not the exact wording but that is the moral

17. Which one of you kills the bugs (or captures the bugs and places them safely outside)?

we take turns but i dont like to kill them unless theyre wasps or venomous spiders id prefer to catch and release

19. Do you prepare meals together? Does one person enjoy cooking more than the other?

neither of us can cook for shit so other people prepare our meals for us always

20. What are the best restaurants to go to? Do you see movies at the theater? Do you do things like golf or bowling, just to bond more?

i like taco bell and pizza hut, yes, and i dont think weve ever done either

21. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something silly.

we used to get aggressive over gay chicken sometimes early on in our friendship that was always fucking ridiculous

22. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something serious. How did you compromise? What did you learn?

one time vantas said he was disappointed in me and i took it hard and im pretty sure it ended with him leaving but i dont remember what brought it on or how serious vantas had been or how sensitive i had been

we got over it. not sure i learned any super moral from that but it did help me learn about him better in the long run and vice versa

23. Is there a famous couple, fictional or otherwise, that reminds you (or other people) of you and your partner?

will and jada pickett smith

24. Do you have a shipname?

vantder i dont know 

maybe film boyfriends because he writes and i sort of direct

27. Do you have extremely similar personalities and interests? Or extremely opposite? Or is it a balance that just makes sense? How do you try to better understand each other? Do you ever have to experience things you’re not interested in, or vice versa?

we sort of click here and there but mostly our interests are different 

i know he isnt super into art but he shows up to support me like he went to the award event with me and said he was proud of me and i like to offer up romcoms and movies akin to his interests when we settle in for date nights

he is supportive as hell but i dont think either of us have ever made a point of saying we arent interested in the other’s interests

28. Has your partner ever changed one of your opinions on morals, politics, society, etc?

he helped me to be better about takin school seriously so id say yes 

he has also changed my opinion about myself almost completely

29. Tell me about a time that you were really proud of them.

when he got that book deal i was so happy i felt like huggin on him for days

i knew he could do it and it made me real proud to know that he did it and i am STILL proud of him

30. Does physical affection and/or sexuality have a role in your relationship? Are both of your needs being respected and fulfilled?

yeah both are heavily involved and fuck i hope so im not sure how much more i can step up my game

31. How often do you talk? On the phone, Skype, in person? Are you two the type that stays up too late because the conversation is too good to end?

we talk all the goddamn time and basically never leave each others side

i know i regularly stay up hells of late talking to him because i like it so much

talks get so much deeper at night when youre curled up next to somebody you love

32. Talk about your sense of humor, and your partner’s. Do you laugh a lot together? Which one of you is funnier?

were both assholes with sarcasm as our main crutch and im pretty sure we have both laughed at the others expense at one point or another but i would have to say that we are damn near a tie because both of us have a pretty deplorable sense of humor stand up comedy will not be in our futures any time soon

33. Is there anyone who doesn’t like the idea of your relationship? What’s the reason? How do you and your partner overcome disapproval from others?

no i cant think of anybody who is against our relationship

nobody that matters anyway

34. Have there been any hardships that have ultimately brought you closer than before?

i mean i hit my head and got retrograde amnesia and still had feelings for him so i think that eliminated any doubt i developed feelings just because of sex

i didnt remember it and i still loved him

35. What’s their contact name in your phone?

vantas

36. Tell me about what your partner is good at. Are they an artist, are they good at math, do they play a sport, etc?

vantas has stamina when it comes to running and shit for DAYS i thought id die the first time i went running with him

hes also a really great writer and im not just saying that to be supportive i think if he sat down and wrote a book itd get a film adaptation nigh instantaneously

steven spielberg would shit himself

37. Get really sappy and gross for a moment. Be so gushy that your friends would groan in mock annoyance if you told them. What’s adorable about your partner? What makes your heart melt? What’s something cute that they did that you’ll always remember no matter what?

god i just fucking love his eyes and his lips and his hair and the way that he scoffs over dumb “rich guy” things and how good his coffee is when he makes it and how i can NEVER replicate it that good even when he guides me through makin it. i love the sound of his voice in the mornings and late at night when i should be asleep but am clinging onto him and talkin about nothing in particular. i love how he says my name and i especially love that hes the only one who really calls me by my last name so affectionately. i love the way he reads and i love the way he still looks a little too long at colorful things sometimes when we are outside and walking. i love the way his hand fits with mine and i love that we can reassure each other through anything, that we will be there for each other through anything. i can easily see myself spendin the rest of my life with him and if not as a boyfriend then as a best friend 

38. Let’s talk about life goals and hopes. Do you two have a similar idea for the future (regarding careers, getting a home, family, finding meaning)? Do you two make a good team? Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with them?

weve talked about moving in together or gettin a house but our careers are pretty up in the air right now except for vantas’ teaching job. i think we make a fuckin great team and id love to spend the rest of my life with him in any way shape or form

39. Reflecting on all of your experiences, what advice would you give to a young couple?

pick your best friend to fall in love with because youll never have a better love than that

40. Is your partner on tumblr? Tag them here and write them a small message, it can be anything.

@crimsongenetics hey vantas sorry for gettin all gushy here i hope i dont make you throw up at school i love you

[ithisatanytime]

I had a girlfriend once who liked to play overwatch. occasionally i would watch her play, but i found the game boring and almost incomprehensible to look at, too much going on, and since women arent as good at vectoring, fps games catering to them tend to be less visceral to play because everyone has a ton of hp, so you have to track enemies with your mouse doing damage over time versus twitchy reflexive one or two shot kill type games, but thats not the point. the game was geared towards women and feminine men, it had a socially conscious vibe to it and i remember once she told me that “all the characters have voice actors the same nationality as them” and i remember thinking, who fucking cares? why would anyone care about that? but i guess its the politically correct thing to do. even with this  socially conscious attitude the game had the worst atmosphere of any game i had ever played, people were childish and petty and rude to each other, not smack talking like halo, or counterstrike, but constant verbal abuse both passive aggressively and overtly, and its always like that. leftists arent very smart so they need to have the rules of politeness strictly codified so they can memorize it and  master it. you see social instincts are probably the most advanced thing we evolved to have, there are millions of calculations running in the background of our minds during social interactions, and we are at the same time interpreting facial expressions and context all while running a simulation of the other persons thoughts and feelings so we can avoid hurting the other persons feelings and keep them engaged in the conversation, thats a lot of processing happening very fast. heres the thing though, not everyone evolved that ability to the same degree, and thats largely where mating competition is the fiercest. social awareness is a cutting edge adaption that is improving constantly with each generation, the most socially savvy get the first choice in mates while the left overs have to settle. anyway overwatch is fucking gay.   

[this-divine-intervention]

Incoming fan-lore critical rant

  Alright fam real talk time now. This is WoW related so if you couldn't care less about WoW you can totally ignore this. So Im a massive fan of Draenei, and they are basically responsible for most of my interest in the game/world along with the Elves. They are surprisingly one of the most if not the most original, well designed, subversive fantasy races I've ever come across next to the Sylvari from Guild Wars 2.

  Heres my issue, and its a hugely irritating one. WHY does almost everyone keep superimposing our concept of gender roles, politics, understanding of religion, etc onto them? Its irritating as hell and massively out of character for the entire species lol; like have yall actually been paying attention? We see extremely low (almost negligible) levels of sexism in their culture with females being present in EVERY profession and level of their society in generally equal ratios to men with some exceptions (additionally this fact is not questioned or criticized by any of them). Our stereotypes of gender are totally irrelevant to them lol. Their whole culture is counter to ours. They are extremely collective oriented with focus being placed on the whole while value is still placed on individual freedom and expression of knowledge.

  Their society is exceptionally erudite, utopian, extremely technologically advanced, and compassion is the most majorly taught proponent in their entire civilization. Why the heck do you think they often greet people/each other with phrases like “be kind to those less fortunate” as if THEY arent the most unfortunate? The people who've experienced two separate genocides, the destruction of their planet, and who've been hunted across the stars like animals for centuries? There isn't a whole lot of difference between how males and females dress, with both showing the same amounts of skin, wearing elaborate jewelry in every color, silks, gossamer, linen. Like? This isnt a society that even remotely frowns on strong warrior women or discourages kind healer men. They. do. not. have. our. perceptions. of. gender.

  Whats even more strange to me is the prevalence in fanwork of the *assumption that our cultural crap applies to them? And usually if not exclusively from female artists/writers?? Like?? Did yall miss the entire point of the draenei lol? They are literally a species of scholars and healers forced into warfare who do not perceive gender as a barrier in practically all regards lol. Its even more infuriating when people place stereotypical religious beliefs onto them as if they are some conservative culture that would hate queer individuals. THEY ARENT A CONSERVATIVE CULTURE xD Everything from their architecture to how they dress EXUDES extravagance, and a love of elegance and beauty period, no gendering of the concepts whatsoever. That is a distinctly NOT conservative belief structure. Their entire culture revolves around communal service and sharing, peace, non aggression where possible, and respect for the environment of the planets they set foot on. The responsible and FREE use of knowledge for all.

  So why are we inventing fan ideas like sports that women “dont/cant participate in” or writing fiction where a “gay” draenei (in quotes because I honestly dont think their culture perceives gender as a construct even remotely the same as we do) is ostracized by his people for liking men? VELEN SHOWS OFF HIS LEGS PEOPLE. They. dont. care. about stuff like that. They probably dont even have TERMS for any of it. Its likely just a “oh you like Avaraad? Lovely, you two make a good couple!” and thats IT. Argus is described as utopian paradise before Kiljaeden and Archimond fucked everything up. Not some elitist “conservative” magocracy like Dalaran. Dalaran is what yall are looking for. People need to stop superimposing our stupid cultural crap onto a race that was WRITTEN AND DESIGNED to be subversive, abnormal, ALIEN, and most importantly... kind. That alone is enough to base entire arguments. The draenei are kind as a people and culture, and show remarkable adaption to sudden change and do not fear it.

  Write and draw them in character guys. Everyone is missing out on one of the best fantasy representations of what we all actually want in an ideal society, to do stuff that doesnt even make sense in draenei culture. Huge talent exists and is being channeled into OOC stuff instead of embracing what obviously makes the draenei unique. If you want to write/draw that kind of stuff, by all means do. I suggest with a different race. Like oh I dunno, the orks maybe? Theres plenty of races in WoW that readily exhibit the normal amounts of society fuckery that ours does. The draenei are not one of them.

[tumblunni]

Man its so weird to think back and see how many signs there were that I was transgender long before I realized it. I was SO fucking oblivious, I had no clue that being nonbinary was even an option, all I knew was 'well I don't wanna be the opposite gender but I don't wanna be the one I was assigned at birth'. (Except obviously I didn't even know the correct words to describe it) And like... I bought into A LOT of horrible transphobic bullshit, cos I was raised with a biased view of what being transgender even is. 'Trans-sexual people are turned on by wearing women's clothes'. Ugh. And I was completely disgusted by it, since I'm a sex repulsed asexual and everything about foreplay or whatever disgusts me. My parents and pop culture and stuff all treated it like trans people were the equivelant of someone into BDSM wearing nipple clamps out in public or something. 'Well in theory I have nothing against them having that kink, but why do they have to show it in public?' Being trans was ALWAYS only shown as 'oo kinky I like to crossdress in the bedroom', as if it was a fucking sexuality, as if there was NO OTHER REASON why someone would wanna wear the 'wrong' clothes and use the 'wrong' pronouns. I felt viscerally disgusted at myself whenever I didn't want to wear my birth gender's cliche outfits, I denied absolutely everything cos I didn't want people to think I was a pervert. I didn't even know it was POSSIBLE to be transgender and asexual, or even that being transgender wasn't the same as being gay! I said SO MUCH fucking horrible transphobic and homophobic stuff as a kid, just parroting what I was told, and overcompensating for hating myself by making it clear I hated everyone remotely similar to me. While being in huge denial that they were similar to me! And I'm gonna carry these regrets forever and always worry that I stopped someone else from feeling comfortable about theirself and just... GAHH! And I did all the same too about parroting stereotypes of 'crazy people' and 'r*tards' before I learned that this big ol stereotype about autism was bullshit and real autistic people look EXACTLY LIKE MYSELF It just makes me think a lot about how many other people out there might be trans and not have the ability to find out because they've been buried so utterly in this false, bigoted image of what a trans person actually is. Tho also I hate the dumb stereotype that 'all homophobes are secretly gay', like seriously wtf why u wanna escape all responsibility for your actions and say the only problem is gay people systemically oppressing THEMSELVES... ANYWAY I went off on a sad train of thought there but back to the point! I'm just remembering this one part of a school trip that was like one of my most treasured memories for no logical reason until I realised I was trans. I met a new classmate and he mistook me for the opposite gender, and I was like 'HOLY SHIT WHY AM I HAPPY' until someone else 'corrected' him. I mean.. I knew I wasn't that gender either, but it felt like a weight off my shoulders to at least be misgendered the opposite way for once. I felt inexplicably happy that I was looking ambiguous enough to even be in question! And this was when I was like 11, I had no clue what word to even assign to these feelings... And I mean, it was SO DUMB that I never noticed these signs! This is what internalized transphobia does to you! Like 'hey there's probably no reason at all why I always play as a different gender ever time I buy a pokemon game, and get this self hatey feeling in my gut when both options have very stereotypically gendered costumes'. And 'wow there sure is no reason why I got inexplicably attached to this genderless character and can't stop thinking about ways to prove they aren't real'. Seriously all that debate about 'quina is really a girl/boy' with weird evidence in stat builds and equip items and stuff! I got REALLY into that transphobic bullshit cos it was something that shook up my perception of the world and I felt like if not being either gender was ACTUALLY AN OPTION then id have to address painful things about myself. If I knew I could be that, I couldn't keep lying to myself. So I went in aggressive denial mode and missed this chance to come out of the closet at like 9 years old and save myself a damn lot of trouble! And then I just went through the same bullshit at 14 with Chrona from Soul Eater, and could not explain why on earth I was so upset that the English dub assigned them a random gender instead of translating it properly... And OH MAN how fucking dysphoric I was about puberty even before I knew that dysphoria was a thing! It was like 'hey look you're growing up!' 'NO IM NOT DEAR GOD NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN'. And that led to this stupid thing of me just saying 'well I have the mental age of a seven year old LOL' to excuse whenever I acted 'weird'. My forum avatar and stuff was a doodle of myself in chibi form, etc. (Even literally wearing chest binding... I only knee at the time that it was 'a martial arts thing' tho.) Like, I'd got all these messages that not wanting sex was 'childish' and not wanting my body to change was obviously 'immature', and when I was undiagnosed with mental illness and trying yo make up excuses for how I TOTALKY didn't have a mental illness, all I could say was 'ha ha I'm totally uhh... Doing it on purpose? Cos I'm so... Quirky?' I got obsessed with overacting as a class clown, cos I mean you can also excuse cross dressing as a thing that 'the comic relief character' does... And OH MAN, like my big Special Interest throughout all of high school was Norse myth, more specifically Loki. I was FASCINATED with the idea of a shape shifter who could be either gender, and was completely unashamed about it. And, of course, I used to play it off as 'ha ha isn't it so funny he turned into a girl', when I seriously did not have any clue WHY it was funny, I just thought I had to say it. It HAD to be the reason I was so sympathetic yo this character, right? Because he's A FUNNY JOKE?? And man then I got so obsessed with researching non gendered English pronouns from the 18th century and championing how they should totally come back into modern language and EVEN THEN I was in denial! It took until I played Magical Diary to realise 'well fuck I'm trans'. It took a game outright saying that these genderless pronouns arent just 'to be inclusive of both genders' but can be used for A THIRD GENDER, A GENDERLESS GENDER, A BOTH AND/OR NEITHER GENDER!! A game saying that this gender does exist in human beings, and EVEN THEN I took ages to be sure that it was really real and not just a fantasy thing that the game made up. I mean, quina was totally only genderless cos they're a magical creature, right? (Completely ignoring the fact that the other two members of that magical creature town are both male...) And just.... AAAAAAA I feel like I'm the human personification of that 'no Patrick, put it on the lid' meme No, you're trans. No, TRANS. Trans, bunni! TRANS!! This is what societal prejudices do to people. Even LGBTQ people usually grow up within homophobic, transphobic society, absorbing all the same messages. It destroys our ability to be okay with being ourselves... Its so fucking sad that this happened to me, and it hurts even more to think of all the times I said insensitive offensive stuff to other LGBTQ people back when I thought I was cis and straight... Gahhhh... ALSO, it makes me extra sad that Summon Night: Swordcraft Story 2 never got released in Europe. There's a character there called Arno who's NB and very out about it, and the English translators didn't make a mess of it, or anything. People actually call Arno 'they', and literally their catchphrase is 'Are you a boy or a girl?' 'I'm just a child of the wind~' Like seriously NO ambiguity, character actually getting to dish out sick burns when being misgendered, absolutely NO room for the ol 'well they just don't MENTION a gender, it doesn't mean they were intended to be nonbinary' excuse. Arno outright stating 'I am not a boy, and I an not a girl'. And your protagonist respecting it! Arno is still my absolute fave best handled nonbinary character in all of games. And the summon night series is very inclusive with a lot of gay romance options! Its a shame tho that the only other game with a nonbinary character was never dubbed even in america. But apparently the protags of previous games get a cameo in the upcoming Summon Night 6 which finally will be released in Europe! I just hope they handle Corlal's pronouns respectfully, considering how they managed to do it so well a decade ago with Arno. But then again the Swordcraft Story series is a spinoff so the main games might have different translators? Anyway, let me hug my tiny enby dragon child! Also I'm sad the cellphone app trading card game never got dubbed either, cos Corlal got some cute cards for the valentine's day event. All three dragon kids just got adorable scenes making platonic family chocolate for their siblings cos they're too young to really participate. And they thankfully got super cute totally non-lolicon maid and butler outfits like SERIOUSLY THANK GOD FOR THAT! Just cute ten year olds playing dressup like normal kids. Corlal got two cards for that one! Them being nonbinary continues to be 100% canon, they got a version with both a dress and a tuxedo. AND ITS SO FUCKING CUTE MY GOD ...man I'm sorry this just went off topic into how great that series is But anyway! If I've ever said anything that offends you, please message me about it! I'm still unlearning a lot of internalized prejudice. Also if you want a quality nonbinary werewolf in a cool side scrolling GBA jrpg, look for Arno! Im on mobile rite now so I can't send links n stuff, but as soon as I finish moving my PC desk to the other room I shall spam you all with my obscure fandom's!!!