#they are very disappointed to learn that the artist's name has not been released by the royal family

[dustedmagazine]

Jonathan Shaw: Another year of pissed-off, not-quite-entirely-hopeless music (but seriously, world, you’re pushing your luck…)

On the morning of November 6th, after the already creaky Blue Wall collapsed and the MAGA people danced and despair beckoned, I put on Cindy Lee’s Diamond Jubilee. Given my listening proclivities over the previous six months, since the record had been unceremoniously released to YouTube and as a free download, that wasn’t an unusual choice. I have played Diamond Jubilee more often than any other record over those months, in a wide variety of moods: excitement, frustration, ardent desire, utter psychological exhaustion, the mildly benign float of a gorgeous autumn morning — you name it, Cindy Lee’s record has soundtracked it. So why not put it on when the morning toggles between hopeless, pelagic sadness and nihilistic cynicism? The record did not disappoint.

It's hard to explain what Lee’s songs did for me. “Baby Blue” made me ache; it always does. “Demon Bitch” made me look over my shoulder a few times; it always summons something just at the periphery of vision, which flits away before I can focus. “Government Cheque” swooned and exhaled acrid smoke; it always invites me toward languid dissipation. The exact character of the ache, paranoia and abandon I felt that morning — when fascism had become more real to me than ever, not just an idea but an emergent social condition I will have to learn to live with — was a very specific thing, with a very particular set of intensities. Cindy Lee’s songs did not reduce the intensities or render them more navigable. But I was less lonely, sitting with the feelings and committing to feeling them because escaping them was not an option. The music was there. Right there. I could just about lean on it.

Different records have suited other days since then. Godspeed You! Black Emperor’s No Title As of 13 February 2024… is possessed of a surpassingly effective maximalist austerity (if that makes any sense) and its sadness is grand. Peace de Résistance’s Lullabies for the Debris has a dissolute smartassery that picks me up off the floor when the sadness is too much. And Love & Compassion’s …Or Else, crunching crust full of rage and something akin to hope, works when nothing else seems to.

I have also spent a lot of time in the weeks since 11/5 listening to Fear’s The Record and feeling nostalgic for previous (and by contrast sort of quaint) forms of institutional American evil. Some stuff never gets old.

In any case, Cindy Lee’s Diamond Jubilee is the record I listened to most this year, and for that reason it will always represent 2024 to me. It’s first on the list; other records appear alpha by artist.

Cindy Lee — Diamond Jubilee (Realistik Studios)

A work of art. See above.

Black Curse — Burning in Celestial Poison (Sepulchral Voice)

One of the year’s most sustained displays of ugly, corrosive music. Black Curse makes a variety of black/death that exceeds the subgenre’s frequent and irritating relations to so-called “war metal.” It’s violent, but not in a flip, casual way. Listen too loudly and you’ll release something.

The Cure — Songs of a Lost World (Fiction)

Sometimes even an angry, grizzled old punk needs to bum out, beautifully.

Fan Club — Demonstration 2024 and Another Demonstration 2024 (Self-released)

There’s so much unadulterated rock’n’roll joy in these demo tapes that listening makes it seem like it may be possible to have fun again. But not yet. Maybe by the next time this Seattle band (which used to make hardcore records as Lysol) puts out a tape.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor — No Title As of 13 February 2024, 28,340 Dead (Constellation)

“Broken Spires at Dead Kapital” sounds aspirational at best. “Raindrops Cast in Lead” sounds much more like a reasonable representation of contemporary life. Where I sit, it’s a metaphor. In Gaza, it’s not.

Leathers — Ultraviolet (Artoffact)

Sexy, synthy post-punk that mixes darkwave with dance music in a heady, icy mode. It’s body music, but the lyrics are pretty good, too.

Love & Compassion — …Or Else (Self-released)

This cassette gets close to capturing the freight train of fury that crashes toward you if you’re lucky enough to see this NYC crust act live. Close, but not quite. Go see them. Or else….

Peace de Resistance — Lullabies for the Debris (La Vida Es un Mus)

Sort of glammy, sort of gritty, Moses Brown’s second LP under this project title is a more refined version of the musical vision he articulated on Bits and Pieces. The tunes are political, even though their sheen of too-cool-for-school New Yawk punk indifference might suggest otherwise.

SUMAC — The Healer (Thrill Jockey)

A massive record with a massive sound. SUMAC somehow gets musically tighter and performatively looser here, an ideal set of conditions in which their improvisationally oriented metal can unfold. Glorious stuff.

Thou — Umbilical (Sacred Bones)

Lots of folks have called this Thou’s “hardcore record”—but if you have been tuned into the band for some time, you’d be right to ask, “As opposed to what?” It’s a Thou record. It destroys everything in its path. That’s how we like it.

Also:

The world lost Gary Floyd this year. Amid all the forms of loss I am feeling, Floyd leaves behind an especially soul-destroying void. He was all the things I admire in a punk: fearlessly smart, politically savvy, mordantly funny and possessed of a taste for rock’n’roll that powered his cultural sensibility. This pretty much sums it up:

The wrong people die all the time.

Marx said, “History always progresses on its bad side.” Let’s hope so.

Play the music louder.

[jeffbiblesupremacy]

JEFF’S INTERVIEW FOR GQ MAGAZINE

Translation below

On the roof of a commercial building, I invited Worakamon Satur, also known as Jeff Satur, to sit and talk in the evening around sunset time. It was a very hot day. The afternoon sun made me think the summer is closer than we think. But when the sky began to darken and the sun started to fade, a breeze started to blow and made me feel that it wasn't that hot.

If anyone follows Jeff Satur, they probably know that he's being an artist since he was 17-18 years old, when he joined the Kamikaze camp and he released his own debut song. Since then, he's been through different companies till he's found his fit with Wafer Records, which is under Warner Music Thailand.

Jeff's journey as an artist has not always been a smooth one. He even took a break of being an artist to do something else. But his turning point was when he got the role of "Kimhan" in Kinnporsche the series, making the 27 years old Thai, with English-Chinese descent, artist more well-known. Not only as an actor, but also his ability to write, produce and sing songs, allowing him to sing the OST called "Why don't you stay", which has around 38 million views on Youtube.

I invited Jeff to review his career path as an artist over the past 10 years.

"How did a guy named Jeff Satur get to have millions of views on his songs, a lot of fans and an international world tour during this year?"

I think there are a few turning points, such as Kinnporsche the series. I also learned how to self-produced my own music and I started getting involved with everything, including the lyrics and the music videos. I started to be more myself and have the courage to say yes or no. Since then everything has changed more quickly than my mind is able to process.

Like when I went to Jakarta, we stopped to see the fan project. I think I've come a long way and I feel like I'm living my dream life. Sometimes I feel very overwhelmed and grateful for everything that's happened in my life.

"Are you a dreamer?"

I am a dreamer, but there are moments when we can'd dream any longer. You know, dreams and hopes are the same thing. If you're disappointed, you better stop dreaming and start thinking what you can or can't do. You don't have to do big things to be happy, just having a hobby is enough. At the end of the day, we just work for money.

There was a time when I felt very unhappy, I felt like I was just living a life, so at that time, I found my way out by writing a blog. I'm a person who has to tell something all the time, probably because my mom used to tell me stories before going to sleep and sing songs to me. I've heard/watch so many stories through cartoons, anime, and movies, and now I'm able to tell my own. I'm glad I didn't stop doing it (telling stories) even if I stopped dreaming.

"Who did you get the storytelling from?"

My dad is a businessman who's very good at telling stories and knows how to tell stories in a fun way. But my mom is the one who always tell us stories, like little things every day. She also likes to ask us questions after we watch a movie, like what we think about the story and stuff. She took part in making us critical thinkers.

"At this moment, what kind of things you are able to handle and what things you're not able to handle well enough?

What I can control is that I enjoy the concerts very much, even though at first I didn't have enough experience. But as soon as I started to do shows, I felt myself. Even if I make mistakes, I just make fun of it because I have fun with the audience. I used to focus a lot about how things were right or wrong while I was singing, but I don't care anymore. And the things I can't control... I'm a sensitive person, so when someone is criticizing you or try to take advantage of you... I don't like that. Why do they speak bad of me? I just want to work and be happy, I just want to meet good people and talk about good things.

"But it's inevitable because you're starting to get famous"

Yes, it's inevitable. But it's important to surround yourself with people who like and understand your work. Don't put yourself in a place where you shouldn't be, put yourself in a place where you belong and you and your value is recognized.

"Are you worried because your success came very quickly?"

I prepare my mind all the time. "What if everything suddenly disappear tomorrow? Will I be able to live?" Because there are so many examples of famous people whose fame have vanished and they couldn't live. The most important thing is that I'm enjoying my work and the fame has no value to me. I'm satisfied with my work and the pieces I'm releasing so even if I lose my fame, the pieces will remain. I'm just happy to know that my stories won't disappear even if I'm not famous anymore. Nothing will be different.

I don't think everyone has to listen to my music and praise me for doing good music. That's what my mother taught me since i was a kid. I just want people to listen to my music and feel happy. Don't be so depressed because life is so short, only 4.000 weeks. For those who are listening to my music or reading this article, don't put yourself on misery. Get yourself out of there.

"So, what's makes you happy at this moment?"

My happiness is being able to sing and produce music, or even doing a photoshoot. Every job I do is telling a different story. I enjoy exploring everything I do. No matter what kind of job it is but seeing how my work change people's lives is really inspiring. I read it on twitter and through fan letters all the time. Some people were depressed or suffering, they didn't love themselves or they were afraid to go out alone, but my work gave them the courage to love themselves and love others more. That makes me wake up every morning and keep working.

"Do you think your work can change people's lives?"

I think art has that power, not necessarily my work but in general. Even the darkest job has the power to inspire depending on the person who consumes it. In the same way some movies can change our lives, I belie my music, my lyrics, even the series I do can change someone's life.

"What are your sources to find material for your stories?

I like to ask very strange questions. Have you ever played a ROV game? (Jeff turns to me). Some of the sentences that the game says are "the wind is strong", but we can't see/feel it. We realized the wind is strong because the images, the dots and some colors.

"There was a time when you decided to stop being an artist. What happened?

At that time I was 25 years old and I felt I was already too old for this field. If it was any other type of work, I wouldn't be considered old at all but I had been doing this for 7-8 years already and it wasn't working out so I had to accept it and go out and do something else. I was willing to do something I didn't like till the moment I could do what I liked.

At that time I was just making music, and I wrote on my blog, but I was starting to get worried about the future, and if I would be able to live without problems. I felt like I had a lot of pressure around me so I decided to give up. But in the end, I couldn't escape my happiness because I'm a storyteller. At first, I intended to create a website and even open an ad business, but it turned to be an inspirational website (laughs). It's like our dreams take us back to what we love till one day you close your eyes and it's right there, so just enjoy everything in the meantime.

"It must have been a lot of pressure on yourself to have success at the age of 25"

So much pressure (high pitched voice). I remember I was watching Mad Men at that time, which is about an ad agency, and I couldn't enjoy it because I was comparing myself and I felt like I hadn't accomplished anything yet. I was trying to convince myself it was just work but in the end, it didn't work.

"What did you discover from the show"

I understood that there's nothing I can't do, I'm just have to be open-minded and practice. The only obstacle we have is ourselves. I think you can do it if you step forward.

"Just a moment ago, you gave an interview to the GQ's video team and you described yourself as a weird person. I'm curious to know who weird you are"

I think I have a weird though process. When I was studying, I often failed my exams because I usually interpreted the question in a different way than it should. Also, I'm a person who likes to ask questions. I don't have a religion but I like to read books related to religion just to ask myself questions. What does it mean to live on this planet? What is God? What does it mean to have knowledge?

"If you don't have a religion, what do you believe in?"

I believe in God, but I don't have a religion. It isn't easy to explain. A God with no rules, nor love or hate. I believe in doing good things. If we have goodwills, they will lead us to the right direction no matter what. If our thoughts are wrong, they'll lead us to the wrong places.

"You used to dislike acting. What made you change your mind?"

Jeff: I didn't like my face on camera. I felt like I didn't look good and someone else should be doing that job. However, I decided to try. I ignored things and tried whatever was there for me. I found out that when I opened my mind to it, it was like opening the world. It’s also another type of storytelling too.

"Do you think you can say you have achieved success?

I think it's just matter of time. If I do a good work, then the focus on the work will come eventually, Last year was just the first step, and I'm excited about what's coming next. I think it's because I'm enjoying everything I'm doing, but I still feel like I have a long way ahead.

"You once said in an interview that "Getting lost was part of the journey". Have you found the right path?

I don't know (thinking). The funny thing about this journey is that I don't know what will happen next. I don't even know if I'm lost right now. I'm just following my guts. I feel like I'm on the right path and what's happening is the right thing for me. It's important to be yourself, in front of the camera but also outside, at least 80% yourself. That's the right way to be here.

"Throughout the ten years of being an artist, what have you learned?"

Be yourself. Don't try to be someone else. No one can be you better than yourself. If you have a skill, stay where you are. One day you will succeed without giving up, but there will be moments of suffering. Let's say you have to wash a thousand dishes. Just think about washing one plate at a time. Do it one by one and one day, you will find out you finish it. It's like reaching the destination you set. Just don't give up and lose happiness about your passion.

"Your lowest and/or heaviest moment in life?"

I don't have many. If something doesn't work, I just move on. I never cry over what happened even if it was my dream of being an artist. But I did cry over not good people who like to hurt other people's feelings. Probably because I'm a storyteller so I'm always sensitive to things like this. If someone hurts me, It will stay with me for a while but I'll go through it. I would say even successful people have a point where they're down or suffer, the important thing is how you choose to deal with it. For me, I will choose to talk to myself and write songs.

"You can write lyrics, produce songs and sing them too, what's the difference with other people who only sing?"

I do everything myself. It's the easiest way not to wait, just do it. Everything that comes out it represents me and being myself if the most important thing. I think that's my biggest strength.

"How do you normally travel?

I like to go out when I'm feeling down. It makes me happy to go to places where people don't know me. I like to walk without a destination and get lost. Let's say I want to go to a jazz bar but I take the wrong way and I get to the wrong place. I got lost but I'm happy because I got out from a familiar place. I don't like to go shopping, but I like to go to a quiet place in the countryside. Once, I went to Korea with the world tour and I went to a high place and looked out at the city view. It was very cold at night and suddenly I started crying because it's was very quiet. I felt like I hadn't live like that in a while.

"What are your plans for this year?"

Actually, I've been out of my comfort zone for a long time (laughs).

One of the things is to release my album. Also I want to do a world tour to meet my fans, but I'm sure there will be more stories along the way. Just keep tuned.

[jiminsass-istant]

Bye bye old BTS

This video aged so badly, ngl..

Bighit and Hybe totally went the American popstar way in 2023 for 1 member. Good that they finally cracked into the US music industry bubble. Hope it helps the group as a whole with their 2025 comeback.

(For context, the above Boracity video explains how bts has been always snubbed due to their lack of US label push, lack of radio support, lack of playlist, spotify support, minimum remixes, fewer album versions, chart rule changes etc)

The problem is - they decided as a company (and with scooter) that the only way they can make it into the US gp, was to debut a soloist, with all english tracks (because there's no way US would accept more than 1 soloist from the same korean group singing korean songs).

One thing they got right was that the US GP would not embrace a whole Asian pop group. And releasing english songs is not something BTS would keep doing either, because they clearly have different individual ambitions. When it comes to pop, it's always the solo/ individualist culture in the US. It is much easier to sell one personality than sell 7 different ones to the GP. (the General Public, not army, not people who really get INTO bts and get obsessed).

So, I totally understand why they went for mainstream US popstar way for 1 member only and also because it aligned with his own personal ambitions.

But of course they made a couple of big mistakes-

1) Underestimating the popularity and OG fan power that can give chart ranks and achievements even to non-US promoted members and their music. (BTS have done it before with a korean song and jimin did it again).

2) While they paid attention to heavy promo, charts and playlisting for Golden, they failed to create a connection with the music- which seems highly non-personal and lacking in depth and has a non-interesting concept. The promo did do the work of making jk a common name, showcasing his talents and introducing him to the industry. But for a lasting impact, they have to create better stories with the music. Idc, army are acting too defensive when people are disappointed that he didn't write his songs. It's okay to not write, but the very least singers can do is connect to song meanings and relate to personal experiences during the promos. But thanks to idol culture, jk has never been able to talk about his dating experiences. Even in the interviews, it would have been nice to see him talk about how he related to the lyrics, what the concept was etc etc.

SILVER LINING:

The constant mention of 'ARMY' by JK in all of his US promo stuff. I do see Hybe's bigger plans here. JK is a medium to bring in new fans for BTS's comeback. When they look up JK's past content, they can't do it without learning about BTS. And it doesn't matter if you are a JK solo fan, you will still be called ARMY (BTS fandom). Hybe will still call you army, even if you are just waiting for more Jungkook music and Jungkook shows. But guess what, the next time these new fans get to see Jungkook will be at a BTS CONCERT. Not a Jungkook concert.

More thoughts..

JK concert will come immediately after though. Why do you think they increased the no. of tracks in Golden when the original plan was to release a mini album? It's to collect more songs for his name. A few more releases and he'll be ready to have his own concert.

Okay final thoughts-

Hybe is going the right way from a business perspective. But they have mismanaged a lot of things. Underestimated the power of individual members and fumbled their priorities. BTS are not underdogs anymore. They are big, and whether you like it or not, Hybe is going to move like a big corporation now, revenue being top priority, not artists. If they don't strike a balance between keeping OG OT7 fans happy, the significance of ARMY will be lost. Unless...they want that to happen and do not care about the fandom that moves on its own now.

And before you camp in my asks or comments, saying the same things about sabotage, company fraud etc, I am aware of it all. Please do share your opinions that can add to this discussion.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Meteor Shower (Part 19)

They are the talk of the school.

They usually are.

And she has to admit that her craving for the spotlight is rekindling.

She thinks that she is growing into herself, into this new life rather nicely. 

It fits her well. 

She can make music again and she can do it with poise, comfort, and confidence. 

Without fear. 

Without restrictions. 

Without some asshole telling her how to sing and how to look while she sings. 

Truth be told, she hadn’t expected one silly talent show to lead to small gigs at local bars and underground venues. She hadn’t realized that one silly talent show would turn the Trix into a real band. 

She certainly hadn’t realized that one silly talent show would have the Trix featured in a Magix news segment. 

“Look at us!” Stormy is practically leaping up and down as she points to the screen. “And we’re only freshmen! Can you name any other freshmen who have made it to the top of the Cloud Tower food chain!?”

“I think that we’ve gone a bit above just the Cloud Tower food chain.” Darcy remarks. 

“We’re…we’re a pretty big hit. At least within our niche.” Icy replies. Is it intimidating? A bit, yes. She truly didn’t think that the Trix would get this far. There is a small whisper that comes from the very back of her mind that tells her that she is making a mistake and that this is just another opportunity for some grand and spectacular failure. And that if the Trix do become the year’s most impressive disappointment, that she won’t be able to recover her dignity this time. 

She had already done it once, her luck has to run out some time. That voice whispers to her that if things fall apart this time around then people will learn all about Kyanite and she will be doubly humiliated. Unsalvageable so. 

That whisper sounds so, so much like Valtor. 

She shakes her head and turns her attention back to the television screen. But that story has already ended and the news anchor takes them to another story. 

Another story with another familiar face. 

Icy’s frigid heart sinks. 

“And while three dark stars rise, another falls. Astridella Callabelle, best known for her time with MeTor as Diamond had recently released her new album, ‘This Is Astridella’ last week. The album had taken off, exciting fans across the magical universe. Callabelle had been getting ready for her very first tour as a solo artist. She had been speaking with fans, expressing gratitude…” the screen cuts to a clip from one of her several interviews. She is all glitter and smiles. She blows kisses at fans between promises of lots of new music and shows to come. “The twenty-four year old was found dead in her apartment early last night. Leaving friends and family devastated.”

“She was such a good girl.” The woman on the screen cries. The same woman who used to bring treats backstage for them to enjoy. “She had such a bright future.” Of course a mother would say that. But in this case, Icy can’t disagree. Diamond had been doing well for herself. Much better than she had been faring since her departure from MeTor. 

“I can’t believe this.” Topaz says to a different interviewer. 

“We, like, just talked to her yesterday.” Goldstone adds. She frowns. “I should have known that something was wrong. She was talking all weird. And she…” She pauses. “I don’t know, she started getting these surgeries.”

“It wasn’t like her.” Topaz adds.

Chalcedony has trouble speaking. But between hiccups, Icy swears that she hears, “we already lost Kya.” 

She hadn’t realized that they still thought of her. Hadn’t realized that they cared enough to cry for her. She can’t imagine that they had mourned her like they are about to mourn Diamond who they supported and loved so dearly. 

“We’re gonna miss you Diamond.” Ruby says. She clings to Chalcedony. 

And then Icy hears the voice that makes her cold blood run hot. “It’s a damn shame.” Makes her blood absolutely boil. “She had such a promising career. A true star, brighter than any other that I have worked with.” Valtor shakes his head. “She had been having a bit of a rough time lately.” He speaks as though he isn’t the rough time that she was having. “It was a tragedy enough to lose Kyanite. That poor girl didn’t have a chance. But Diamond…”

The newscaster doesn’t delve into the details. 

But Icy knows. 

Icy knows that it was him. 

He had killed Diamond. 

Rather he had gotten her to do it herself. 

She waits for the delight to settle in, the satisfaction that Diamond, who had resented her for getting so cozy with Valtor, has met a fate similar to her own. She waits for the feeling of triumph that she had pulled through when Diamond had not. That she, timid little Kyanite, had been the stronger of the two of them. 

But all she feels is cold. Cold, frigid hatred. 

In just a few days, she knows that Valtor will have a new girl. 

And that girl will have her own news segment. 

She only wonders what will lead to it; will it be the coerced surgeries, the drugs, the body image issues, or the subtle—or maybe not so subtle sexual advances. Maybe it will be a combination of all of these things, just the way it had been for her. 

No matter how it goes down, there will be another new segment. 

There will be another Kyanite. Another Diamond. 

“Ugg, the pop industry is so…” Darcy trails off. “And they say that witches are cruel.”

“Witches are cruel.” Icy shrugs. 

And Valtor will see precisely how cruel they are.

He will see Kyanite again.

Poor Kyanite

And poor Kyanite, who didn’t have a chance, won’t give him one.

.oOo.

“Hey,” The whisper is very close. Right in her ear. “You should probably wake up now.” It isn’t as though she has any choice; the music is already starting. Stormy’s choice, for certain. She can try to roll over and cover her ears but Stormy has picked the fastest song on her psychobilly mixtape and put it on at full volume. She imagines that they will be getting a disgruntled call from the hotel staff at any time.

“Fuck off, Stormy.” But through the grumbly slur of sleepiness not entirely shaken off, it comes out as more of a “fuuugoffstomy.” It is a pointless thing to say knowing that she has already been decently roused from sleep.

“Well I don’t know what that means so I’m not gonna do it.” Stormy declares. 

Icy is certain that if she opens her eyes, the first thing that she will see is Stormy’s face, just inches from hers, entirely filling the view. She is probably laying on her side with on hand on her hip and the other propping her head up. 

This isn’t the first time that Stormy has woken her like this. 

But the other witch is right, she should probably get a start on her day.

“What time is it?” She asks as she sits up. She rubs her eyes.

“It’s like three PM.” Darcy comments from the other side of the hotel room. 

“Three PM!? You guys let me sleep that long? Fuck! I had shit to do!”

“You had a long night.” Darcy shrugs. 

Icy grimaces as she recalls that night. Mostly she can do so with a degree of pride; they had, afterall managed to pull off one of their best shows of their career, in spite of withdrawals and a near disbandment. Even so, she still feels terribly ridiculous for having gotten so emotional about it. Be it Darcy and Stormy or one of the Winx, she is still waiting for someone to bring it up. But they let her be and she can’t tell if it is out of respect or fear.

“Anyways, I already looked at the calendar. We have two days off before our next show.” 

“How many do we have left?” Stormy asks. 

“Three.” Darcy looks up from whatever she is sketching. “Two more in Dyamond and then a final show in Magix.” 

“Perhaps we can go back to Stormy’s planet…”

“We’ve already committed to playing three shows here since we’ve been avoiding playing in Dyamond up until now.” Darcy replies. “At any rate, we’ve already played around with the schedule so much this tour.” 

She half expects the woman to tell her to stop being so sensitive. Instead she adds, “everybody was impressed with our work here, you don’t have anything to worry about.”

“The more I perform here, the more chances people will have to put two and two together.”

“And?” Darcy turns from her drawing that is definitely a crow pecking the eyeball from a partially decayed body. “So what if they do?”

“We’re already co-headlining with faeries, they can’t be too surprised to find out that we’ve been touring with a former fairy this whole time.”

Icy gives a slight grimace. But she has only said the truth. The truth has this nasty habit of making her very uncomfortable. 

“They’d look pretty silly and also super fake and really superficial if they suddenly decided to stop liking your music over it.” Bloom comments. “Good afternoon Darcy and Stormy and good morning Icy.” 

“Me waking up at noon doesn’t change the time of day specifically for me.”

“But I thought that the universe revolves around you!” Bloom declares. 

“It does.” Icy agrees. “Why did you two leave the door unlocked?”

“Specifically so that Bloom can torment you.” Darcy replies. “Take that as payback for being a pain in the ass this whole tour.” She dips her quill into a red inkwell and brings it back to the sketchpad. 

“I wasn’t the one blasting deathrock music over shitty pop tunes…”

“Neither was I.” Darcy replies. “Take that up with Stormy, Stella, and Musa. “Have fun with Bloom.” She pauses. “And try not to think too much about last night. Geez, you ruminate on things way too much.”

“What Darcy is trying to say is that she’s worried about you and she doesn’t want you to overthink things.” Bloom replies. 

“What Darcy is trying to say is exactly what Darcy said.” Darcy mutters as she slashes her quill across the sketchpad. 

“But she’s not very good at phrasing things.” 

“Icy isn’t delicate, she doesn’t need sugarcoating. Doesn’t want it either.” Darcy rolls her eyes.

Bloom smirks and Icy realizes that, that is exactly what the fairy was trying to get her to say. “Peters you’re…unsettling sometimes.” Icy mutters. 

Bloom flashes her a pseudo sweet smile, “I don’t know what you mean! Anyways so where are you going to be taking me today?” 

“Huh?” 

“Darcy gave us a lot of tours of her realm, so did Stormy. It’s your turn now.”

“Darcy is clearly in the middle of something. Stormy just got into the shower. Are your friends even ready?”

“Well. No.” Bloom replies. “Aw shucks, it looks like it’ll just be the two of us.”

“You aren’t really going to leave me alone with this idiot are you?” She offers Darcy an almost pleading look.

“I am.” Darcy doesn’t look up from her art. “As I said earlier, have fun with Bloom. Bring me back one of those popsicles, the spider shaped one.” 

And so Icy finds herself walking down familiar streets. Streets that she hasn’t walked down in ages. Streets that she use to walk down while trading gossip with Diamond and compliments with Goldstone. Her stomach flutters. It is the same route she used to take from school to home when she still wore that little penguin keychain on the belt loop of her skirt. When she still carried an armful of glittery blue notebooks and still wrote with glittery blue gel pens. That one fence post still has geometric patterns painted on it although that paint is faded and chipping and partially hidden by overgrown winterroots. 

“What kind of plants are those? I’ve never seen them before.” Bloom comments. 

“There are lots of plants that are unique to Dyamond that most people have never seen. You should see the bejeweled bark trees…” She realizes too late that she has made the wrong choice of words. 

“Then show them to me!”

Icy sighs. “Fine.” But only because she is too tired to argue with the woman today. 

Bloom grabs her hand and pulls her along. 

“Are you feeling better now that you’ve had your first show back here?”

“Not particularly.” Icy replies as Bloom leads her around a corner. 

“Why not? Everything went very well. It went better than well. The crowd loved you guys.”

“I guess…”

Bloom comes to a halt. “You guess?” She takes Icy by the shoulders. “What happened to, ‘the Trix is the best band in the magical dimension! You loser faeries don’t have a chance!’ What happened to…?”

Icy sighs. “Look, Bloom…”

Bloom begins walking again. “This place really is getting to you, huh?”

Or maybe it is simply wearing away at the walls she has built around herself, peeling away illusions, falsehoods, and fake bravados. Lies. She is all kinds of fake—a fake witch with fake confidence and a fake life. 

“Did you even hear yourself singing? It was amazing. I’ve never heard anything like it!”

“That’s the problem, Bloom. I have a very recognizable—”

“I mean that I’ve never heard anything like it. Not even from MeTor shower.” She pauses. “I mean I guess that the resemblance is pretty obvious, but only when you know that you’re supposed to be looking for it. And nobody knows to look for it.” She shrugs. “And besides, do you know how many singers sound a like. Stella gets accused of sounding like Diaspro all the time. Which is really offensive because Diaspro sings kind of like…like…

“The noise the that shower knobs in old apartments make when you twist them really slowly.” Icy fills in.

“I was going to say, ‘kind of like not very good’ but yeah, that’s about right.”  Bloom admits. She stalls on the sidewalk corner where it opens out into a four way intersection.

“Where to next, Peters?” Icy asks and it finally dawns upon the fairy that there had been a little flaw in her attempting to pull Icy along. 

“How long were you going to let me do that for?”

“Do what for?”

“Wander around aimlessly like an idiot.”

“That’s no different from how you usually walk around.” Icy replies. 

“Hours.” Bloom concludes. “You were going to let me drag you around town for hours.”

“Not true, I have other things to be doing.”

“Like what? Getting into Stormy’s rockabilly music. I didn’t realize that you enjoyed it so much.”

“This way, Peters.” She takes Bloom back the way that they had just come from.

“Really!? You let me take us in the exact opposite direction!”

“Very observant.”

“Anyways, as I was saying. The performance went well and nobody is going to recognize you by your voice alone. The Trix’s music is so different from MeTor’s. And you’re so different, as a person, from Kyanite.”

But sometimes she doesn’t think so.

Most of the time these days. 

Icy had been confident and self assured. 

Kyanite had been timid and uncertain. 

And the more she dwells upon it the more her confidence dwindles. The more she feels as though she is slipping back to the person that she used to be. And the more that she reverts the more she dwells upon it, creating something of a cycle. 

“Would it really be so bad to…”

“Yes!” 

“Kyanite wasn’t a loser.” 

“Bloom.” 

“No.” Bloom says. “You’re going to hear me out. Kyanite was…you were so talented.” The tickles work their way back into Icy’s stomach. “You had so much worth and you didn’t even realize it and then Valtor swooped in and exploited that.”

“Which is exactly why it would be so bad to go back to that.”

“You realize that you can have it both ways, right? You can be confident and cool and entertainingly but annoyingly sarcastic and also be…” for one blissful moment she shuts her mouth as she tries to find the right word, “gentle at the same time.” 

“And how would you say that would work? Humor me.”

“Very naturally.” Bloom says with a confident nod. “You’re witty and witchy because that’s the real you and I know that at least some of that confidence is real. Probably most of it, actually.” She pauses. “But you’re also kind of soft spoken and nice to talk to when you want to be and you do this dorky thing where you like to over explain musical terms and correct my grammar.”

“It isn’t…that’s not dorky!” She stammers. “It’s called having a scrap of intelligence, unlike that which wider society possesses.” She realizes too late that she is not helping her own case. 

“It is so! And that’s also the real you. You’re already both. All you have to do is drop the whole denial thing.” 

“I’m not…” Oh she is going to kill the fairy for talking her into this corner. “I think that I am going to have to remind you of who you are talking to.” She brings the ice magic to her fingertips.

“Ooo, scary witch. Very intimidating, much frighten.” 

And along with at least some small portion of her soul, the magic dies on her fingertips. 

“See, you’re both badass and also kind of sweet.”

“Sweet?”

“You could have frozen me solid but you didn’t.”

“Sweet and not-a-total-asshole are not the same thing.”

“But going on tour and then for a walk with a fairy is kind of sweet. And also the whole back rubbing thing.” 

Icy grits her teeth as color floods her face. “Bloom…”

“You know that you enjoy the back rubs. You know that you like having your hand held. I know it. Darcy and Stormy know it. They don’t really care. So what’s the problem?” Before she can answer, Bloom does. “You. You’re the problem. I mean, not like you’re a problem but like you’re the problem. Wow, that sounded really bad. The problem is that you have a problem with this huge part of yourself and you need to stop being an asshole to that part of yourself.” 

“You really do have a way with words.” She wipes a tear from her eye.

“Are you…are you actually cry right now?” 

“I’m sorry it’s just that…”

“That what?” Bloom frowns. 

“You’re just so fucking stupid. It hurts me sometimes.”

Bloom gives her a rather solid swat on the arm. “But I’m right and you know it and you can’t humor your way out of this one.” She pauses, face growing serious. “I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I think that it would be good for you to be honest with yourself. And you should stop talking about Kyanite like she’s a different person from you. She isn’t.” 

She swallows hard. 

“Just think about it, okay? What do you have to lose? Darcy and Stormy already made it pretty clear that they aren’t going anywhere. The Winx like you.”

“The Winx or the Bloom?”

“Both! They’ve warmed up to you. Which is kind of weird to say since you’re an ice witch.”

“I’m an ice witch.” She repeats to herself. It is a stupid mantra but sometimes she needs to remind herself. She’s an ice witch not a snow fairy. She’s not that person anymore. She isn’t weak and exploitable. She is Icy. She is Icy. 

But, as Bloom so helpfully pointed out, she is Kyanite. 

“How about we talk about something else for now?” Bloom offers. “What are the bejeweled bark trees like?”

“They have bark. That is bejeweled.” Icy answers very helpfully. 

“Good to know.”

“They usually grow in groups of six. One for  each of us; myself, Diamond, Chalcedony, Ruby, Topaz, and Goldstone. We shout one of our music videos there…”

“Celestial Winter, the Cosmic version.” 

“Yes, that one.”

“It was your favorite.” 

“Yeah. It was.”

“We don’t have to go back there. If you don’t want to.” 

“I want to.” 

[raw-law]

light liking The Main Character by Will Wood is very in tune for him. im using the previous Will Wood ask to talk about him myself. overall, i almost prefer the albums he released under the tapeworms name.

im a newer fan for sure (thanks internet friends) but have quickly familiarized myself with his discography. the first song i listened to was Dr Sunshine is Dead. very akin to Noel's Lament from the musical Ride the Cyclone. am absolutely a sucker for theatrics and overdramatics so it was right up my alley.

my initial aversion to listening to Will Wood actually came from I/Me/Myself being a popular tiktok audio. in case i haven't voiced it here, i despise tiktok. it festers negativity. one might argue it is good for spreading activism movements but it is so overrun by misinformation that it loses this purpose. i base this on my personal experience on the app during 2020-2021. i deleted it after that. have only redownloaded it a few times after that to hunt down my old account and cringe at myself. (yes its still public, no you are not getting the @, if u try hard enough, u can find it). all of that to say, i don't like tiktok. thus when songs become popular on there, i used to actively avoid them. it still irritates me sometimes to play songs in the car that are fairly obscure and my friends will sing one random part and I will be like "oh you know (whatever band)?" and they reply "no i know it from tiktok". it has changed how the music scene operates as a whole. there are less localized music scenes and more short form content hoping to get a few lines that make it big on the socials. it makes me sad as a musician and as an artist in this era of over-digitized spread of music. but on the flip side, it does allow musicians to distribute so much easier to a much more vast audience. but there is less close connection with it. i have read books about the music scene of the early 2000s and it is an era we will unfortunately never repeat with the state of the internet.

sorry for the tangent, thats not where i was originally going with that but its where i ended up.

-🦌

L:

ahhh..... poor noel gruber.. you would have loved will wood.. (oh, the tapeworm albums are a good choice. those have all of my favorite songs. :) )

your thoughts are certainly intriguing though. i see where you're coming from with the whole "festering negativity" bit. it's very... brainrot-y, and it's clearly had a large effect on the overall population. however, i will say that i think all social media platforms do this, and you simply have to learn to control your social media experience to use it in a beneficial way. though it is unfortunate that oftentimes people have to learn that the hard way.

i also very much agree that it's had a heavy effect on the music industry.. it's a bit sad to see, and i don't even consider myself a musician. the only reason i ever liked indulging with music scenes was because i liked observing the community. i've stopped doing it as much as of recent, mainly because it feels like there's less of a community to observe anymore. that can go for a lot of things, actually. everything just feels.. a little less authentic. it's disappointing. i try not to think about it.

despite all that, i don't think it's a crime to enjoy a popular song. simply enjoy the song because of its contents. said song being popular just means it gave you the opportunity to come across it. and who knows, maybe it can give you the opportunity to teach those tiktok friends who only know a section of the song how to appreciate it to its full extent. it doesn't have to be all bad.

i mean... i'll admit, i've taken a liking to taylor swift just today. not sure how i feel about it, but eh.. i couldn't care less. "Picture To Burn" is a fun song. i can't deny it.

Light:

Ooh. I do agree with your point that social media fosters negativity. There've been several really good books written on the subject, actually---social media radicalizes people who mightn't have access to reliable information (I think it's mentioned in How to Stand Up to A Dictator and Misbelief) and also makes people feel self-conscious about themselves, thinking that they have to be slimmer or taller or shorter or better-looking and the list goes on (I'm starting a book about it called Perfect, which mainly focuses on body image issues caused by social media in young girls/women).

However, social media also does have benefits, but like everything, only when it's used appropriately and in moderation. It allows employers to connect with employees and for information to get around the world much faster.

But then again, like you said, Tiktok encourages shorter attention spans in those who frequently use it. People only know part of a song because of Tiktok, not because they truly appreciate it in its entirety. This also encourages musicians to create shorter and shorter songs, which isn't exactly where the music industry should be going towards. However, this also has its benefits, like allowing small indie artists to share their work with a global audience and gain more following, so...

I suppose, at the end of the day, it all comes down to your personal preference. Everything is a double-edged sword, and the most important thing is how you choose to use it.

That being said, I guess don't let Tiktok affect you into avoiding popular songs. My view is, songs can be popular on Tiktok, but if you enjoy them, it isn't worth it to avoid them just because of that. I get what you mean, but that's my opinion.

Thanks for your ask!

[shazzeaslightnovels]

Danmachi 19

Author: Fujino Omori

Illustrator: Suzuhito Yasuda

Label: GA Bunko

Release Date: 14 September 2023

My Score: 4/5

English Release: Yen-press is currently releasing this series in English under the title of Is it Wrong to try to Pick up Girls in a Dungeon?.

Note: this edition of volume 19 came with a drama CD that I still haven't had the time to listen to. I'm not the best with just sitting still and listening to something without having anything to stimulate me visually. Hoping to get around to it soon. It seems like it features the Astrea Familia so it should be fun. Maybe I'll write a review of it when I've finished listening to it if it's really good.

This volume starts off with following up on the events of volume 18. We learn what everyone is up to after the war game, with many of the former Freya Familia members now working at the Hostess of Fertility pub. We also get to see a development that I never thought would happen: Lyuu officially joins Hestia Familia. After reuniting with Astrea, she's ready to move on with her life and Hestia Familia is the place where she wants to be. I seriously didn't expect this but it feels like it's been a long time coming. Lyuu being part of the Hestia Familia just feels right. I am disappointed that there were no level ups after last volume though. I really feel like Lili deserved it. I know the level ups are meant to take a long time to happen but Bell levels up far too quickly compared to the rest of the characters.

The main plot of this volume concerns the arrival of the School Grounds*, a ship for students to study all kinds of subjects, including battle. It returns to Orario once every three years and the familia's send a representative there to recruit new members. Thanks to Hermes being up to his old tricks, Bell ends up enrolling in the school under the name Rapi and disguises himself as a rabbit demi-human to get some more experience. There he meets the student Nina Tulle who, along with sharing the same last name, strongly resembles Eina.

It's been a long time since we've had a one volume arc and this is definitely a good breather volume. The new characters were all charming enough, especially Nina, who gets quite a bit of character development and would be a welcome addition to the main cast if she ends up joining it. Aside from being a good breather, this volume also focuses on Bell and it was nice to see just how much Bell has matured since volume 1. Bell's learnt a lot from his experiences and from his friends, and it's nice to see him use those experiences to help the young students. I loved seeing him take on the supporter role in the party, since fighting would surely reveal his true identity. He's able to reflect on what an amazing job Lili does and being a supporter helps him to form strategies for the Hestia Familia as well. Overall, I thought this was a really good follow-up to volume 18 and a perfect way to let the characters breathe before things will surely get hectic soon.

I still have one volume left to read before I've finished the thirteen months of Danmachi releases and that's the new Familia Chronicle volume featuring Lyuu. I'm really looking forward to reading it soon. I've head a lot of fun reading Danamchi this past year. I hope Fujino Omori and the artists are able to get some well deserved rest now. Also, a season 5 for the anime was announced which is very exciting. I hope it gets a similar treatment to season 4 and is a bit longer due to the length of volume 18. I am really excited to hear all of the voice performances for that arc, especially Minori Inase's.

*the wiki calls it the "School District" but as there is no official English release of the volumes where it features yet and I called it the "School Grounds" in my Sword Oratoria 13 review, this is what I'm sticking with for the sake of consistency.

[ntriani]

OQM Playlist: Life during quarantine #21

With this week's Life during quarantine playlist Nick Triani discusses changing attitudes and gender equality at the record label Soliti

TOXIC As I often keep finding out nowadays, my expectations toward others lead to disappointment. A recent narrative on a friend’s facebook feed was a case in point: a conversation between mostly middle-aged white men about music soon descended into a mansplaining marathon and victim blaming indignation. It was the classic “I respect #MeToo, but...” scenario.

A newish strand of internet rage can now go under the label of ‘music gender tribalism’. My own comments were pretty aggressive too (I’m not proud of it), but when having to condemn racist attitudes and sexism one has to be forceful. You can’t let these things slip, whoever you’re talking to, as in the past I regretfully often have.

Change has been extensive in the way we talk in recent years. Since the beginning of #MeToo and Black Lives Matter, discussion has begun of the need for more equality in general terms, between genders (in all their varieties) and so-called races. This has led to feminist cultural analysis infiltrating the mainstream. The rise of movements like Black Lives Matter and an awareness of Trans issues are now part of our everyday discussion. For certain white middle aged, right-onish men these issues have induced a privileged response and a resistive attitude to change. Those men who don’t like this new world order, feel the previously unheard voices challenge their cosy, middle class superiority, and threaten their position – a world where their opinions are always on the right side of the patriarchal canon.

TRYING TO LEVEL IT UP And how am I any different? I’m not really. And what the hell am I actually doing to make a difference? After all, here I am every week shoving my musical taste down your throats and extolling the virtues of my own favourite music, the ultimate in middle-aged mansplaining.

I’m trying. It’s small steps. My partner has had almost 20 years to inform me and show me the juvenile tendency of my errant ways. It’s been the most enlightened and open time of my life. Acceptance to new ideas not born out of the learned gender norms. But here’s what made the difference: I’ve been willing to listen and understand, to try on new shoes and take on new perspectives not usually associated with my gender. I have been forced to.

I’ve tried to make a difference through channels I can influence. I decided a few years ago to address the gender imbalance amongst the roster on the record label I A+R and generally take care of, Soliti. The label made its name initially (especially internationally), with a bunch of white boy guitar bands playing various alternatives of indie music. Of course there were exceptions, but in general terms, the label was a very male dominated exercise and this was something that really began to bother me, especially as ideology-wise, things were moving on from such simplistic gender distinctions, even within some areas of the music industry (though not so much in Finland). It’s important to point out that I still stand by and love all the music the label released at that time.

Over the last five years or so the gender balance at the label has evened up, so much so that by the time this year came round, nine years later, we finally have a gender equal roster representing more than cis and hetero communities. Of course no one really knew the intention here, but it has been quite a deliberate move to have a gender equal label roster. This new equality has manifested itself with the realisation that overall,  I prefer working with women.

On a more practical level, it’s been very difficult finding women artists that fit the aesthetic and musical direction of the label. But as has naturally happened, the label has changed (thankfully) – and it now feels like a broader church for musical styles – of course all under the independent aesthetic that Soliti has established itself under. That change is attributable to the women who have released music for the label. And yes, balance is still present, as Soliti still releases white boy indie guitar music too.

Next, I would love to sign BAME artists to the label. Please, send me music!

Find out more on Soliti

[a-world-in-grey]

Sola/Nox Fusion IV

@secret-engima because meeting Uncle Ardyn has encouraged Sola to be the Trolliest Troll to ever Troll (and Tredd and Nyx are not helping)-

-After the first couple times Ardyn and Nox get Lost in the Hall of Arts (which is what Sola takes to calling it when they get Lost inside their own heads, because it’s honestly the least distressing name she can think of for when they go Quiet) Sola takes up weaving tapestries again. She starts off small. Three by four foot tapestries of landscapes from the photos Nox gives her, each one taking about five weeks to finish. She completes four by the time Sola and Nox celebrate their sixteenth birthday and officially enlist in the Kingsglaive.

-All four go into the Hall of Arts the day after Sola presents them to Nox on their birthday. Privately, with no one but family and friends to see them and know that Sola was the one to make them.

-Even their addition to the Hall of Arts is a quiet affair. So quiet, in fact, that the tour guides are only given an updated tour spiel that says the four tapestries were commissioned by the royal family and that the artist wishes to remain anonymous.

-The tapestries don’t go viral until - at Axis’ suggestion because he knows no few Lazarus weavers would love to see the work in progress - Sola creates a social media account and posts the time-lapse videos of her weaving each tapestry. Herself and her surroundings carefully censored/disguised for privacy. With the music she listened to playing as background music.

-Specifically, the music she recorded of Nox and Uncle Ardyn singing. Because she can’t carry a tune to save her life and they have really soothing voices that she can listen to on repeat for literal hundreds of hours.

-At first everyone thinks the weaver (SunshineWeaver @theabysswantschicken) ripped the audio from previous SongGhost/SongCryptid videos. Until the third video, which features a new song, prompting fans to go back and compare the previous audio side by side with the original videos of SongGhost and SongCryptid.

-They realize that the previous audio is NOT a match to the original videos. They realize that SunshineWeaver has MULTIPLE RECORDINGS of SongGhost and SongCryptid.

-Sola knows EXACTLY what she’s doing when she replies to their frantic queries, simply stating that SongGhost and SongCryptid are her neighbors, but they aren’t fans of cameras. :)

-Sola knows EXACTLY what she’s doing when she refuses to say anything further.

-And the corner of the Mooglenet dedicated to SongGhost and SongCryptid EXPLODES.

[ukiyokki]

mars reads too much dreamnotfound fanfiction for their own good

a dreamnotfound fanfic recommendation list by your resident dumbass (me)

this took way to fucking long... i’m tired

below is a (very extensive) list dedicated to all my favorite dnf fics, ranging from quick one shots to 100k+ word monstrosities that devour the storage on my computer, forever incomplete masterpieces to ongoing works of art, you get the idea. i provided links for each fic/series for your reading pleasure. there will be no smutty/nsfw fics on this list, that’s just not my vibe lmao. this list goes in no particular order, and i’ll update it from time to time when i feel like it. now, without further ado, let us begin.

Heat Waves (complete) by tbhyourelame

(wtf else did you expect, looking at a dnf rec list?) amazingly well written, and while it’s not my favorite dnf fic it’s damn near close. in the midst of a brutal heatwave, a suffering dream comes to terms with the fact that he is desperately in love with his best friend. everything i could say about this fic has already been said by nearly everyone who’s read it, so if you haven’t yet caved into the hype, just go for it. you won’t be disappointed.

Gonna be around (completed) by georgescatcafe

(mc irl) my favorite dnf oneshot to date. just read it, i don’t wanna spoil for you :)

Inferno in the Sky (ongoing)by zairielon

(star wars au) an ongoing star wars au currently clocking in at almost 200k words. need I say more? everything about it absolutely slaps, each chapter is amazingly written, and it’s just good. also, can we just appreciate dream and tubbos dynamic in here? 10/10, amazing, must protecc. oh right, a summary: george, an exiled padawan turned engineer, must return to the jedi temple after attacks on it from an unknown assailant threaten the safety of himself and the other jedi.

Like Magic (ongoing) by KangarooKen, NotGra55 (Gra55)

(harry potter au) the unofficial official dnf harry potter au. we watch the young unlikely wizard pair grow up together throughout their years at hogwarts as they battle good old fashioned wizard racism. beautifully written, incredibly fun and suspenseful, and just an overall blast and a half.

GeorgeNotFound, Son of Poseidon, and the League of Minor Gods (ongoing) by Clichewho_69, Cygnvs, Trash_Kinggg

(percy jackson au) percy jackson au? check. “road trip” (technically quest but u get what i mean)? check. enemies to friends to lovers? check. this fic follows the plot of the lightning theif (albeit loosely), but everything is explained enough where you don’t have to read percy jackson to understand what’s going on. basically after moving to the usa, george gets taken to camp halfblood where he learns that a) gods exist. b) he’s the son of poseidon and c) he needs to prove that he didn’t steal zeus’s master bolt.

Protected (completed) by aenqua

(royalty/camelot au) my favorite piece of dnf media of all time. dubbed the official dnf camelot au, where dream is the heir to the throne and george is a servants son with a secret that couldp get him killed. these childhood friends grow up together and learn trust, love, and acceptance. (that summary did not justice to the masterpiece that is this fic) here’s the directors cut

The Hunter (completed) by HederEgo

(mc irl) a choose your own adventure fic with 13 different endings, where dream the hunter must kill george and stop him from beater the ender dragon. enough said.

The official dream team cowboy AU (series)(ongoing) by antsu_in_my_pantsu

(cowboy au) cowboys and outlaws horses and shit. and the big gay. it’s a cowboy au, what else did you expect? fucking yee haw (all seriousness this is a great read, i loved it so so so so much and i can’t wait for the final chapter to release).

This is a Drista moment, let's just accept it (completed) by Qekyo

dnf fic from drista pov. considering its unique perspective, it’s perfectly done. beautifully showcases a sibling relationship through drista and her memories/moments with dream, and it just works, y’a know? also drista supremacy.

Dear Dream (completed) by Qekyo

(wwii au) i don’t cry when watching/reading anything sad. translation: i’m a heartless bitch. however, this fic is the only exception. it caused me to cry so hard my mom walked in my room and asked if i was ok. ‘nuff said.

TECHNOlogical Wingman (completed) by Closeted_Bookworm

techno is the autocorrect ai on dreams phone, and he gains sentience. interesting concept, and the author fucking nailed it. great fic.

It Was Only a Fic (ongoing) by imagineitdear

dream starts reading a dnf fanfic (we’ve all been there buddy).

Teacher’s Pet (ongoing) by niyuha

(teacher au) in which dream is a high school english teacher and george is the new comp sci teacher in room 297.

Saltwater Secrets (ongoing) by earlgay_milktea

(mermaid/high school au) a great example of the shear amount of variety in fics this fandom has to offer. when i started reading dnf fics i would have never thought i’d find one about a mermaid george hopelessly crushing on his human friend, who happens to be his schools star swimmer. yet here i am, and i am far from disappointed.

Smash My Heart (incomplete) by dontrollthedice

george and sapnap are commentators for duper smash brothers tournaments, and george develops a crush on an up and coming smash streamer named dream.

roleplaying in the dark is harder than it seems (completed) by Alienu

laser tag. 10/10

solar system (completed) by quartzfia

(mc irl) george vists dream in pandora’s vault.

Ramblings of a Lunatic (completed) by jungkooksfic

ahh communicating through a notebook left on a shelf in a bookstore- what a perfect way to start a relationship.

Paint me like your French Girls (It's Charcoal, Actually) (completed) by Turtle_ier

(artist au) george is an art student, and dream is a model.

00:00:00 (completed) by isleofdreams

(soulmate au) 00:00:00 is the moment you meet your soulmate, as indicated but the clock ticking down on your wrist until the moment you meet. i’m not a fan of soulmate aus; this fic is the exception.

Blue Skies Smilin' At Me (completed) by kivy

(artist au) i don’t usually cry while reading stuff, but this brought me damn near close. george is a painting conservator and chats it is with the ghost of the artist if the painting he is working on. they fall in a love.

Current Location (incomplete) by hendollana

(influencer au) george simps for a hot american instagram model. who knew he’d actually follow back?

The Withering (series) (series ongoing, 1 work completed) by App1e_Juice

(mc irl) lore and world building and fight scenes and everything i crave. what’s not to love? something starts making the plants and crops around dreams village wither, and must team up with new friends to find the cause of the mysterious disease plaguing the land.

Minecraft, But You Can't Leave (complete) by facadecake

(mc irl) dream and george are sucked into their own private minecraft world together and must beat the game to escape.

Free The Game, Beat the End (incomplete) by goatgoatwasfound

(mc irl) a glitch in minecraft causes thousands of players from around the world to be trapped inside minecraft, with only one way of escape- beating the ender dragon. first dnf fic i ever read, and it’s still 10/10 for me.

Why don't you come a little closer? (completed) by lifeofandoms

george gets stood up by a date, and Dream pretends he’s the date to save george from the embarrassment. simply adorable.

lightning bug (completed) by saintachesP

(band au) while on tour, dream realizes his feeling for george.

Hold me closer (completed) by Treesofmyheart

(mc irl/dsmp) i just,, really like this trope.

Dizzy on caffeine (completed) by GleamingGreenGoggles

(coffee shop au) best dnf coffeeshop au i’ve read. periodt.

living a life of crime isn’t always easy (series) (completed) by itisjosh

(mafia/assassin au) stockholm syndrome except it’s not weird.

Inhibitions Make Interesting Situations (completed) by Ship_On_The_Sea

i pissed myself laughing. it’s just a dream and george being hilariously dense, flustered idiots. serotonin central.

thy eternal summer shall not fade (completed) by gracequills

(high school au) that moment when you recite shakespeare to your crush in your ap lit class instead of confessing (hate it when that happens).

All is Fair in love and Football (ongoing) by graciegirl2001

(college au) #1 favorite college au. in which george is a cheerleader, and dream is the football teams rising star player. this one gets extra points because of the amazing karlnap moments sprinkled throughout. *chefs kisses air*

online love (completed) by andbutso

(high school au) online classes go zoooooooom

Can’t help falling (completed) by isleofdreams

dream re-learns the guitar to sing to george on his birthday. beautiful. fluffy. amazing

dance in the rain and my arms (completed) by lazy_kitkat

george is a rain god, and dream is a wind god

Weather Boy (completed) by DaintyDiizzle

wouldn't you like to know, weather boy? (where dream can control the rain)

The color orange (completed) by anon

(mc irl) dream describes the colors of a sunset

Family Mode (completed)by Strawberry_flavoured_tears

they’re dads :,)

Breathing Room (incomplete) by papercranes

(band an) an amazing band au. the mad lad author wrote original songs for each chapter. above and beyond, mad props :). unfortunately, it’s incomplete

Piece of Clay (completed) by carbonbrine

(artist au) george is a sculptor and his sculpture comes to life- but oh no he’s hot.

Try (completed) by Not4typicalwriter

(royalty au) george must choose a suitor, but none of them are up to dream, his head knights, standards. or dream is hella jelly. also protective dream is perfect

When the Roses Bloom (completed) by HederEgo

(royalty au) close second for my favorite fic. go to royalty au for a quick serotonin bost. it’s all fluff and flowers and crushes, and i love it. criminally underrated.

Heavenstruck (ongoing) by dontrollthedice

george is dreams guardian angel, and dream want to find out more about him and his past life. bittersweet :,)

Bang and Burn (completed) by App1e_Juice

(spy au) george accidentally falls for target number 1 on sapnap’s secret agency’s hit list. this ones great, i love me a spy au :)

Can I get a uhh… (completed) by lemonskies

dream keeps pulling up to the drive through mcdonald’s that george works at drunk.

Pretty Stranger (completed) by anon

when looking for dream in the terminal, george sees a cute guy and decides to flirt.

Take my Hand (completed) by latinbias

(royalty au) another royalty au? poggers. surprise twists? double poggers. love this a lot.

seconds, minutes, hours, lifetimes (complete) by meridies

ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP *inhales to compose herself* roadtrip au. unrequited love, ignored feelings, longing, pining, you know the drill. absolutely love this one, its the best roadtrip au i have ever read, in any fandom. (maybe cause i identify with it a little too much, but thats not important. whats important is that you read this fic. right now. im waiting).

Message redacted (complete) by justyouraverageloser

(text fic) dream asks for a girls number and realises hes been given the wrong number. however, an unexpected relationship starts to form between him and the stranger on the other end of the line.

the waves (completed) by anon

(mc irl) this fic was written by the same anon who wrote the color orange, which is up there on my fav dnf oneshot list. dream and george know they have a higher purpose. they don’t know where they came from, or why they are seemingly the only humans in the world, or how they feel about eachother, or even where the skeletons come from, but they are sure of one thing: they have to beat a dragon.

The Dream Doll (completed) by PeppDream (Pep_Pizza)

(voodoo i guess) i’m a real big fan of fics with really out there or unique concepts, so naturally this one makes the cut! i really liked it, it’s really sweet and made me think a lot about what matters to me in the world. george finds a strange doll in an antique shop, and would really like to just stuff it in a drawer and forget about it. sadly (?), the doll has other plans.

last updated February 6th, 2021

[slade-neko]

End of the Year Questionnaire!

Saw some End of the Year questionnaire thing going around and wanted to do it. If anything for myself as a way to review this year.

1. Song of the year? Alestorm ~ P.A.R.T.Y.

No brainer here. This song has been living rent free in my head for the last 7 months since its release. 🤘🏻

2. Album of the year? Dragon Ball Z: Movie 8 - Broly The Legendary Super Saiyan

Not new by any means, but dang watching this movie again this year and hearing that early 2000's American metal soundtrack. Ingredients for an EPIC childhood right there. 🤘🏻😝🤘🏻

3. Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year? Alestorm ~ The pirate power metal band

Pirate Metal is the genre I didn't realize I needed in my life until I heard them.

4. Movie of the year? Dragon Ball Z: Movie 8 - Broly The Legendary Super Saiyan

Again, not new, but I rewatched it for the first time in YEARS and it was just as glorious, if not more so, than the last time I watched it. That 1993 animation and again, the English dub metal soundtrack hit me HARD! Broly's still my favorite DBZ villain even if he's non-canon. The idea of an bloodthristy evil Saiyan, let alone an incredibly powerful Legendary Super Saiyan, is such an interesting concept.

5. TV show of the year?

I rarely watch TV outside of anime... might have to go with the new My Hero Academia season. The non-stop action and fight scenes has been very welcome.

6. Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

Nothing stands out at this moment... but to go along with the previous answer, there was that one episode where Mirko kicks the ever living daylights outta those disgusting freakazoid Nomus in MHA was pretty dang cool! Go, bunny! 🐇

7. Favorite actor of the year? Nobody!

I don't idolize people. That way I can't be disappointed when they inevitably let me down. 🙃

8. Game of the year? The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (PC PORT)

Technically an unofficial re-release, BUT without a doubt this is my GOTY. Absolutely freakin' phenomenal. It's objectively the BEST video game ever created finally freed from it's console shackles on PC Master Race. Seriously, 60 fps, true widescreen, gyro support, restorations, gameplay enhancements, built-in randomizer, mod support, RESHADE, you name it. Fans always treat Nintendo's games better than Nintendo and this clearly shows it. Bless the team behind the Ship of Harkinian port. They made a lot of dreams come true this year.

9. Best month for you this year?

Every month I draw breath is a good one!

10. Something that made you cry this year?

HA! I don't cry, but no seriously I feel like there was something I watched this year that made me teary-eyed, but I can't remember... Oh, well, must've not been that important then!

11. Something you want to do again next year?

Play more old games. 🎮

12. Talk about a new friend you made this year.

I don't make new friends, BUT my best friend I haven't seen since 9th grade of high school visited me in person for the first time in nearly 13 YEARS! Let me tell you something, best friends are the ones that will never fade over time and will always be there. That's amazing and I'm lucky to have 'em! 🤗

13. How was your birthday this year?

I aged. Another reminder of my fleeting mortality. 💀

14. Favorite book you read this year?

I don't read books. 🚫📚

15. What’s a bad habit you picked up this year?

I don't do bad habits.

16. Post a picture from the beginning of the year.

Jan 13th, 2022. My first Sims screenshot of the year. Deadpool staring at the camera while lightsaber dueling one of my Miqo'te OCs.

17. Post a picture from the end of the year.

Dec 6th, 2022. Aaand my last screenshot of the year... is a smug shirtless Sasuke. Well okay.

18. A memorable meal this year?

Pizza 🍕 (probably the one I shared with my long time friend if I'm going to be sappy about it.)

19. What’re you excited about for next year?

Playing more video games.

20. What’s something you learned this year?

By far the biggest lesson I learned is new things suck! Nothing is better than the old stuff. Games, shows, all of it. Too many remakes/ reboot cash grabs that are shameful in comparison to the classics.

21. What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

Nothing. It's exactly the same. Just the way I want it. WELL I might have a few more anime figures and a Monokuma plush that I didn't have before...

23. Favorite place you visited this year?

Wait... did I leave my house this year?

24. If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

"I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise."

25. Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

Play more old games. 🌟 Yeah, I did and I want to play MORE! 🕹️

26. Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year?

I assume this means OC's... Well uhh, I made a lot of sims recreations, not many OC's. I guess I just don't have a lot of "original" creativity! Oh, but there was that werewolf girl I designed. She's cool!

[itsbap]

EXCLUSIVE: Moon Jong Up Talks About ‘US’, His Journey, B.A.P Reunion & More!

Moon Jong Up mononymously known as Jongup, gained popularity as the main dancer and lead vocalist of the now-disbanded KPOP group B.A.P under TS Entertainment. At present, Jongup is signed with Big Ocean ENM as a soloist. He released his solo debut single album, ‘Headache’ featuring Yunhway on May 7, 2020, and garnered much support from his fans worldwide. He also recently featured in Mr Queen’s OST, ‘Venus.’

Besides his amazing vocal skills and dance, Jongup can also rap and is also an actor. He performed in the play ‘The Lost Village’ and has also been cast for the upcoming movie, ‘Idol Recipe’.  Jongup is truly a power packed artist. Ahead of his comeback, he pre-released an MV on 1st July 2021, for the song ‘Find‘, which features Moon Sujin. The song has a slow R&B beat with a soothing melody that reveals a deeper, more emotional side to his music.

Jongup is now back with his first mini-album titled ‘US‘ which released earlier today. The album has five tracks starting with the title song ‘US’, ‘Photo’ featuring Bang Yonguk, pre-release single – ‘Find’ featuring Moon Su-jin, ‘GOUP’ featuring EK from ‘Show Me the Money 8’, and his debut single, ‘HEADACHE’ featuring Yunhway.

Along with the featuring of such talented list of artists, Moon Jong-up also continues to explore his musical capabilities in this album, by participating in writing and composing lyrics for ‘Photo’, ‘Find’, and ‘GOUP’. He further shows why he was the lead vocalist in his former group with ‘US’.

With strong vocals and dance as well as the vintage theme aesthetic music video, ‘US’ has quickly jumped into our playlist and we cannot stop singing to it.

Ahead of his comeback, Jongup spoke with us about his latest album, his growth, B.A.P, Indian fans & more. As 2nd Generation fans, this was a wonderful opportunity to be able to speak with an artist who gained so much fame and made waves, even before internet took over the way it has right now.

From his debut in 2012 as part of B.A.P to now, Jongup believes that among all things, his thoughts have changed the most. He shares that the more he learn and know, the more he need to know and thus, he has a mindset, to live by learning for the rest of his life. He believes that the biggest difference of promoting as a group and as a soloist is that,  “Now I have to bear the burden which I shared with the members when I was in a group but at times, it’s also good to have that much love alone.”

The shift from group to solo, along with years of working as an idol has brought about a process of change and growth and opened new perspectives and views for the talented soloist, “Through many experiences, I have learned and felt that a person cannot live alone in the world. So, I want to say ‘thank you’ to the people who work for me and work with me.”

His former group B.A.P brought about a bad-boy image which was loved by fans across the world and their debut ep ‘Warrior’ landed at Billboard’s World Albums Chart at #10. The group then continuously made waves with their music and topped charts across the world hence showing their global status. Although the members parted ways with their previous company, the boys remain good friends as they continue on their own individual paths while cheering for each other for their solo activities. The boys are also often seen hanging out together hence making their fandom, ‘Baby’ very happy.

While talking about how former B.A.P leader Bang Yong-Guk has participated in his song “PHOTO” as a featuring, Jongup gives hope to the fandom as he assures,

“If the timing is right, I think a reunion of B.A.P is possible at any time.”

– Jongup

The day may not be far off, as along with Yongguk’s featuring, other B.A.P members Zelo and Youngjae also participated in his Listeners; Listen “US” and in the video, one could see how they truly enjoyed being with each other.  The members shared their honest thought on his comeback as they gave their opinions about how they loved the comeback, Jongup’s growth as an artist and that, the fans had lot to expect hence making the fandom anticipate more. This was also the first video in a very long time where the members had appeared together so for B.A.P fans, this was a blessing. The members were definitely right though as with ‘US’ we see a mature side of Jongup in terms of music, vocals or even style.

Jong-up was also recently cast in “Idol Recipe” and  he gave a sneak peak of his character, “My cast is ‘Jang Jun’, a member of a mixed group. He gets caught while dating at work and gets scolded”, thus building more anticipation for his upcoming appearance.

He shares that in terms of his style of music, over the years, the thing that has changed the most is that, he now listens to all genres and he particularly likes R&B dance hip-hop the most. When it comes to incorporating it to his music, he admits that there are so many genres he want to challenge himself with, but the one that comes to his mind right now is EDM.

For Jongup, the process of creating music/songwriting is mostly done with his friend, Min – “We usually start with the track. Sometimes when a track comes out first, we write melodies and lyrics together.” He further says that he has a lot of influence when it comes to his music but ever since his younger days, he admires Chris Brown and he still loves his music. This however doesn’t come as a surprise to his fans, after all, Jongup’s dancing and vocal skills have always been on point.

With ‘US’, the title track of this album, Jongup shares that, he liked it as soon as he heard the guide.

“I wanted each track to be different from genre to mood. I had a lot of meetings to go in the direction that I wanted. There were some disappointing parts in the process, but all the processes can’t always go perfectly in the direction I want, so those parts were difficult but overall, this was a great experience. ” – Jongup on the process of making ‘US’

Jongup agrees that he has gotten used to the life of an idol, after all, its been nearly 10 years since he debuted as an idol and if he had a chance to do any special activities with his fans, he would want to go camping with them. He further adds that if he could go back and give an advice to his former self, he would tell himself, “Be nice to Baby”.

‘Baby’ is the fandom name for B.A.P but now, Jongup also has another fandom name created by the fans themselves, ‘MOONW4LK.’  He shared his thoughts on his fandom name and also sent a messages for his fans across the world especially in India.

“‘MOONW4LK’ is such a cute name. I love you always. You know that, all this is done thinking only of ‘MOONW4LK’, right? As soon as Covid-19 calms down, I will fly to you.”

namastehallyu

[aot-snk-4238]

My thoughts on AOT No Requiem (Fanmade Ending) Part 1:

With another chapter of this story coming out soon, I thought now would be a good time to share my thoughts on the first part. Before I do that, though, I have a few things that I would like to get off my chest.

A part of me hates that this project exists. Not because I find it disrespectful, but because it serves as a bitter reminder of what a complete mess this ending caused among many fans. I'm still in disbelief how things got so bad so quickly. First, you've got the people who hated it. People began turning on Isayama and calling him a terrible or incompetent writer, regretting ever getting into the series, insisting that it was worse than Game of Thrones, the list goes on and on. People who liked the ending are now endlessly referred to as "ending defenders" or more crude names like "Isayama cockriders," as though they're a bunch of incompetent fools who don't know the first thing about reading comprehension all because they just happened to like it. And then of course you've got the other extreme end of the spectrum where the ones who were disappointed are accused of not understanding the story or they're only upset because their favorite ship or fan theory didn't become canon. This, too, is very demeaning and invalidating for those who grew up with this series that they gave their heart to and cherished for so long, only to have it do what they felt was a complete 180 at the very last second that undid every part of the story they thought was special and unique. It's one of the hardest slaps to the face you can get as a reader and long-time fan, and while I can't fully relate to everyone's feelings, I can at least understand and acknowledge that it's there and it shouldn't be laughed at. Now with all of that out of the way, here are my thoughts and analysis of this fanmade ending and how it differs from Isayama's.

To start things off, I found that part 1 started off similar to how 137 did in the canon manga, with Armin and Zeke conversing in PATHS. The biggest difference would be kid Eren being transported there and seeing his older self. To be fair though, this chapter was only about half the length of what we're used to reading, so I'm sure we'll get a lot more in part 2 onwards.

While Zeke is enlightening Armin on the history of the earth and how the life form that attached itself to Ymir sought to avoid death forever, young Eren is in PATHS too with his older self, witnessing the moment Ymir found the tree and fell in it to become the first titan. At first, there is no dialogue exchanged between them. They just hold hands and watch. Meanwhile, Zeke is still talking to Armin about Ymir and how she continued to serve her oppressive master despite acquiring godlike powers that would allow her to obliterate him whenever she pleased. This is where the team working on this project attempt to provide their own alternate possibilities as to why this happened in a way that would make more sense than what we were given in the canon story in which she simply had a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome and couldn't let him go no matter how much he made her suffer.

So what are these new possibilities? They come in the form of a question, so their validity is not made absolutely certain, but they're presented as the most likely candidates nonetheless.

According to Zeke, she was unable to separate her own desires from King Fritz and was a lost girl who sought meaning. A place to belong. Tragically, King Fritz was the only connection she had in her life, so she clung to it with everything she had despite it being toxic and abusive. I could argue that these are the very reasons why she supposedly loved the king in the official manga, as explained by Eren in 139, but they weren't explained or touched on as plainly as they were here. I feel like they could have been if Isayama had just been given more time, but sadly the whole thing was rushed and underdeveloped.

Moving on, Zeke states that despite his efforts in trying to understand Ymir and her feelings, it was Eren who ultimately was able to get to her and offer her the choice of freedom. The next page transitions to young Eren standing in the clouds with his arms spread out and a smile on his face just like in the official 137, only this time 19yo Eren is next to him. Now I'm going to be honest here, this is where things started to get a little corny for me. Yeah. I know a lot of people hate that argument, but that's just how it felt to me. And before I say anything else, I want everybody to know that I am in no way about to mock anyone's fondness of this Eren over the one we saw in 139, even if it was a little over-the-top. It's perfectly fine to prefer one over the other, I'm just going to try to explain myself the best I can without coming across as harsh or unprofessional.

Eren is drawn in these panels to be a stone-faced, determined and unstoppable force who will "keep moving forward until his enemies are destroyed." This is the Eren that many people grew most familiar with throughout the series, despite his occasional breakdowns, but something about the way it was executed just felt a little too overdramatic and exaggerated. For me, the contrast between this Eren and the Eren we were presented with in 139 is too jarring. It came across to me as the fandom's idealized version of Eren, the "chad" Eren if you will, rather than Isayama's portrayal of Eren who is cold and determined, but has also been experiencing stunted mental growth ever since the day he saw his mother get eaten; side note: I know that Eren himself was responsible for his mother's death, but that's a discussion for a later time. Not only that, but the "keep moving forward" line starts to get overused at this point. We already heard Eren say this a number of times before 137 where this first fanmade chapter takes place, so I didn't find it necessary to include that at the end, but it seemed to be the writers' way of trying to reinforce Eren's ultimate goal.

Regarding the rest of the chapter, young Eren asks older Eren what Ymir is still waiting for after he showed her that she's not alone. 19yo Eren proceeds to explain that while he was able to make her feel something again, she still needs somebody to free her. He shows his younger self all of the visions from PATHS that he's seen so far, ranging from past events to alternate realities to things that couldn't be changed no matter what. Now there is only one path left that he strives toward. The one that he believes will grant him and his people freedom. This next line is the one that stood out to me the most throughout this fanmade chapter. Still talking to kid Eren, adult Eren says, "When you wake up, you will forget what you learned, but not what you felt here. This will all feel just like a long dream." Only when he kisses Historia's hand will it all come back to him. This line more clearly explains why Eren woke up crying in chapter 1, but couldn't remember why. Then he circles back to how he intends to carry out his own plan to end the cycle of hatred once and for all. Despite his efforts along the way, he couldn't change the flow of PATHS and save the friends he lost or prevent certain events from happening altogether, so he had to accept that sacrifices had to be made. In this case, he will have to literally sacrifice the world, much to Armin's horror.

To wrap this up, I'm going to finish comparing this to the canon 137, but since the first part of this project only covers the PATHS portion of it, that's where I'll stop as well. To save a little but of time, I'm just gonna be lazy and copy the first part of a quick overview of the chapter I found as part of the wiki:

So clearly, canon 137 starts off focusing a lot more on Armin and Zeke's differing philosophies and does not provide any further insight into Eren's ultimate motives like this one does, at least not yet. Armin and Eren are bound to face off soon in this fanmade version, but it looks to me like this time the writers are planning on flipping the outcome and having Eren come out victorious instead, especially when I remember the name of this project and what it's based on. I guess that means that in a way, I already know what's ultimately going to happen throughout the rest of this project. Whether it's going to be considered superior to the actual ending is going to depend on if its executed properly. I could very well be wrong about some of this, though. I want to give it a fair shot since these people have clearly put a lot of hard work and passion into this, so I will refrain from further judgement until we get the full picture. On a side note, I just want to say that the artwork is beautiful so far and I commend every artist responsible for their efforts. I also liked the song choice at the beginning and thought it set the mood pretty well.

Thank you to everyone who read the whole thing. This took me far longer to write than it should have because I'm not always good at expressing myself in a way that does not come across as confusing or contradictory. I will continue to share my thoughts as more content is released, which by the looks of it could be any day now.

[chcrmingremcrks]

CODY CHRISTIAN, CIS MAN, 25, HE/HIM   ⟨  ✽  ⟩   hey, you haven’t bumped into  cameron monroe  lately, have you? they have been living here for the past  seven years  and during that time, locals have gotten to know them as  loyal  &  determined.  a little birdie told me they can be quite  hot headed  &  stubborn  though. explains why they’re an  artist.  they really remind me of  dirty paint brushes, black ripped jeans, flashing neon lights.  if you’re ever looking for them, i bet you can find them around  beans & barley.

stats

Full Name: Cameron Anthony Monroe

Nickname(s): Cam, Monroe

Age: twenty five

Date of Birth: november 5

Gender: cis-male

Face Claim: cody christian Hair Color: brown

Eye Color: blue

Height: 5′8

Weight: 150 lbs

Build: athletic

Pronouns: he/him

Occupation: artist

Father: james monroe Mother: emmeline monroe

Sibling(s): twin sister

History

Cameron and his twin sister were born on november 5 to Emmeline Monroe and James Monroe. Cam’s father was an active-duty military soldier, so he and his sister grew up moving from base to base with their family (by the time cam turned 18, he had lived on 13 different bases).

His entire family was a military family, and from day one, the expectations were clear that cameron would continue that.

When he was young, cam was a clingy child. He wanted to be with someone from his family at all times. He needed to be by them because they were his constants. He also loved the idea of being in the army because he wanted to be just like his dad, and he tried to make him proud.

As he grew older, he grew out of his clinginess, and in turn, it turned into him building walls around himself. He learned to keep a low profile and not get attached to anything because he knew that they were just going to move again. At school and in life, he became quiet and used sarcasm to ward people off. The only exception to this was his sister. She was the only one who he would listen to and be himself around. It was also when he found his passion for art and moved away from the desire to be in the military.

When the boy was about fifteen, he decided to tell his father that he did not want to join the military right out of high school, and his father could not stand the idea. Whenever he looked at cameron, it was with a look of disappointment rather than the pride he became used to. He was completely torn up about it, and as soon as it happened, his walls went back up. He began acting out at school and only trusted a few people outside of his sister to know the real him.

So when he turned eighteen, he was out of there. with the help of his sister, he realized he wanted to be an artist. So, he moved himself to port briar and got his degree art

Today. He is still standoffish when he first meets people, but the few he lets behind his mask see he is genuinely a kind guy.

Personality

Cam likes to make sure no one can see the real him and he’s very good hiding his feelings. he comes off as an asshole but he’s actually a nice guy ( i promise ). but he just has very tough walls around him and shows very few people who he actually is.

he is really bad with emotions also like he just bottles everything up and cannot cope. he also doesn’t know what to do with other people’s emotions so yeah

his only real release is his art which he does as as his career . some of it he sells and some is just for him.

those who manage to get close to him he is super protective over them. they will also get to see she’s dorky, cares a lot about friends, and even a little cocky

Wanted connections

like a couple of people who knows he’s not an ass?? and just be close to him

art friends - people he can talk art with and all that jazz… and be a nerdy little artist

ex girlfriend (can be on good or bad terms idk??)

party friends

ANYTHING ELSE

[shinjukuspiritcommittee]

Top 20 2021

My Favorites (updated)

Hello my readers, it’s been a while since I just posted something not related to a headcanon and I am doing one right now. I just wanted to take a bit of a break to just get SOMETHING on here on my days off work. Plus I’m just trying to find my groove when it comes to writing again so hopefully this helps me just get back into the mood of making a post more often lol. I wanted to revisit this topic for a while just because we’ve had a lot more events and a lot more alts in the game were added. And I know for a fact LifeWonders reads these posts in some capacity because I have meme’d an AR into the game with my top picks from the last list I did for Christmas 2019. No I didn’t. I’m just joking around and I know LifeWonders doesn’t read this.

Anyways rather than just make up a list on the spot like last year I decided to use the Housamo Sortmaker (Link: https://club.housamo.xyz/sortmaker/ ) to try and make a list that’s more revealing to what I was thinking at the time. Since I talked about 20 characters ish last time I’m just gonna read from my 20th place to my 1st place spots and try to justify whatever I was thinking at the time. Anyways-

20: Marchosias and Susan: This one was a surprise for me if I’m being honest but I’m just gonna blame the fact on Shukou’s recent involvement with LifeWonders in the form of Live A Hero and how Ryekie and Mokdai live in my headspace rent free whenever I think about the characters in that game. Maybe we can see about getting some LAH headcanons since that’s a LifeWonders property too). So out of all the characters Shukou drew for Housamo why did I pick Marchosias? Easy, it’s been 4 years and this poor man has yet to receive a proper alt or any kind of skin for that matter and I think that it’s a crime. Sure he’s not my favorite but he’s definitely grown on me because he’s just a gentle dad kind of character and his design has grown on me over the years. I just hope he doesn’t get left behind since he has a lot of really interesting and potential things to look forward to in the future given how the main story has unfolded.

19: Shiva/Algernon: The helmet heads are together because DAI XT quickly became my favorite artist for Fire Emblem Heroes and I really just like their designs. DAI XT just knows how to draw robots, armor and muscles well. Also Chapter 11 with Shiva you can read into some interesting perspectives. I don’t want to spoil any of the untranslated content for anyone who’s waiting for the official english translation. But if you are curious Roureem has a blogspot where he posts summaries of the newly released events.

Link: https://housamosummaries.blogspot.com/

18: Cthugha: I love this goober so much. He’d constantly try to act super sentai just trying say good morning everyday. He may not be very bright but that just adds to his charm and honestly I enjoy how he always tries to play the hero in a lot of scenarios because it’s refreshing when they implement him after a bunch of heavy hitting story stuff. I’m not gonna spoil too much about it but I will say he’s more than welcome after everything Chapter 10 and 11 put the reader through.

17: Mineaki: I’ve made a post about him being one of my least favorites way back when I first started this blog and let me just say how times have changed and I’ve learned the value of not judging a book by it’s cover. I still think there’s something a bit off about Kowmei’s style for his characters, but Mineaki has definitely grown on me. He’s a caring instructor who does watch out for his students even if it’s not always in the most direct way possible. Not to get into too many spoilers he’s got a lot of intrigue around him as well and I am curious to see his role get expanded down the line.

16: Ded: Housamo is the reason I really like christmas. The Christmas stories despite following a similar structure to each other do tend to be my favorite stories. Ded himself is also just another good dad character. He’s also two guys for the price of one, so I mean… you know… you’ve got the forever ask your other dad situation. There wasn’t much thought put into this choice I just like santa as a concept because I think the outfits are cute, it’s always nice to get something for people you care about on Christmas and Ded is the perfect embodiment of both sides to Christmas.

15: Shinya: Everyone we need to manifest buff Shinya for 2021, this is not a drill. This is legitimate. We must make Taromati’s and my wish come true. To be more serious again he’s just a sweet and gentle character. He’s also drawn by my favorite Housamo artist. Their characters always just look so naturally good. I’m just surprised he hasn’t gotten much of an alt given he’s perfect material for Valentine’s day. He’s just a soft boy and I would love for him to be in more things because I just enjoy seeing him.

14: Jacob: I have to be honest Jacob is on here because every time I look at him he just gets more handsome to me. I wasn’t all that impressed with his introduction and we don’t know much about his background but I’ve just been drawn to him more and more. Maybe it’s just because he’s drawn by GomTang? I just like looking at him and I can’t help it. To speak a bit less crass he’s another gentleman kind of guy and those are always nice.

13: Shennong: Yeah I like the doc a lot. Firstly, I’m a huge sucker for big bulls and Shennong fits the bill. The white fur really adds to his appeal visually and the purple horns give off a bit of an unnatural appearance. Shen feels like someone who’s been touch starved and alone for a long time given how he acts as a character and when we actually hug him I just lost it. He always has others well being on his mind so he’s not afraid to jump in and help, or give a much needed lecture about when you need to take better care of yourself. He just comes across as very well balanced overall.

12: Heracles: I won’t lie- at first he didn’t interest me much. He looked incredibly plain when among the rest of the cast and he seemed like the typical “bait” character since the banner had Echo, Barguest, Gyumao and Snow. But after reading the translation for Valentine Time Slip I was taken aback at how much of a gentle giant he turned out to be and I just really liked his interactions with the others in that event. And honestly his special quest from that year was one of the more unique ones given the slower pace and more romantic vibe it had. After the event warmed my heart I did a complete 180 and I just knew I really liked him.

11. Yasuyori: Before I start praising him I feel I have to justify why he didn’t quite make top 10 and it will have some mild Chapter 10 spoilers. To be as vague as possible his resolution just didn’t vibe with me at the end of Chapter 10. Like it wasn’t a bad resolution and it was the right choice to make but in my opinion there really wasn’t a moment I felt was clear where he made a choice for himself. Everything just sort of happened around him and it felt like he didn’t really do much to improve his situation. To an extent I kind of see that being the idea given his origins and the story he’s based on and there is some semblance of him coming to terms with himself alongside his isolation being portrayed pretty well, but I just wasn’t satisfied with it as much as I would like to be. With that out of the way, oh my god I just want this boy to never stop smiling and I just want to give him hugs constantly please he just deserves to be happy!!! Yasuyori is a character who’s got a lot of baggage and he’s just trying to find ways to properly cope with his trauma and not repeat past mistakes and I just really like that idea. His role in Xmas 2020 (sorry I just forgot the name of that event, but its when he gets his alt) was a much better representation for his character in my eyes. I’m not gonna spoil anything like I keep saying but he isn’t one to disappoint in future appearances and I just hope this lovable lug keeps getting the support he deserves.

10: Hephaestus: A spicy way to start the latter half of the list. I just want to give this lad a hug and tell him he is worthy of love. But at the same time he is a little shit… and I love that. I can’t fully explain why I grow a paternal instinct in me seeing this grown man sob about his mother but I just do. I want to keep him safe and give him all the affection he wants. Though I am aware a lot of Hephaestus’s interest in his parental figure is… questionable. I am just gonna say I would accept his love for what it is and he just wants approval.

9. Shuten: I’ll be honest I have no proper reason for why I like Shuten so much. He’s just a cool and reliable guy. He just seems like a go with the flow kind of person most of the time and he’s a bit more direct than most of the characters which I always appreciate. Plus I have an unspoken bias for naop guys in Housamo.

8. Durga: While not number 1 on this list, I still really like Durga. She’s quirky but not to an annoying degree, she’s determined and definitely very confident in her own abilities. Her growing to be more sociable throughout her events is something I enjoy seeing because it really creates this sense of growth.

7. Kyuma: I get a lot of people don’t like Kowmei’s art but I really think we should look past it because Kyuma is one of the sweeter picks. He’s someone who just wants to prove himself for his own worth and not what David can provide, but David is part of him and it just creates the potential for a good arc. Plus this boy is unintentionally smooth and will just take your heart when possible. I honestly want to see Kyuma more in events because he’s honestly the jock that carries 3 of the 4 brain cells. He’s also the last one without an alt so I’m just hoping he gets one in 2021 because he really deserves one in my opinion. (Also fan art makes him really cute).

6. Tomte: Tomte is relatively new but honestly his event in 2019 really endeared me to him. I’m trying to be spoiler free because the best way to enjoy these stories is for yourselves but let me just say his arc in the event was really endearing to me and much more than I was expecting. His fan service is also incredibly hammy and I love it. Visually Tomte is one of my favorites, I love his multi colored hair and starlit pupils cuz it makes his otherwise more generic look have some flare. I knew I liked him out the box and when I read about him in the summaries and can’t wait to read the official translation for him. I was just very endeared.

5. Tetsuya: Tetsuya fucks. Moving on…

Jokes aside this one’s a bit simple. I have no shame in admitting I think he’s attractive and his whole resistance towards wanting a relationship is cute in a weird roundabout way. When he says no I just want it MORE. I just really like duo haired tsunderes.

4. Kengo: Kengo 3rd alt 2021. Please LifeWonders I need my favorite Summoner. He’s a bro and that’s what counts. Kengo has got your back, not afraid to rely on you, a very fun and dynamic guy. Sure he’s not that bright when it comes to making plans or any book smart, but there are times where he’s the best at being able to read the room or just understand what someone needs to hear even if it isn’t always what someone wants to hear. His bullheaded nature is actually one of his redeeming qualities because it’s nice to just not overcomplicate things and just understand what’s actually going on. Yes the early story didn’t do many favors for him but to me the events, especially the later ones, do much more work for his character. To me, at least.

3. Ashigara: Ashigara is best bear, and I will defend that stance in 2021. The main thing that draws me to Ashigara is that I can see a bit of myself in him. He gets very emotional when he gets left alone, he’s very loud when with his friends, has a tendency of speaking his mind- just someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. I also appreciate that in spite of the negative he isn’t someone who backs down when the going gets tough and in a few instances he’s able to hold his ground physically at least.

2. Wakan Tanka: Love at first sight. This ray of sunshine still persists as the number 1 husband, but number 2 character. Firstly I am a huge fan of the partial beast aesthetic. The buffalo ears and the horns  are absolutely adorable. Secondly he’s a perfect body type; he’s not too muscular but not exactly flabby. Third he is just so positive and I love that. He’s someone I admire and wanna hug.

1. Taurus Mask: The more things change the more they stay the same. I’m still a big Taurus Mask fan for all the same reasons as last time. I just… relate to this boy. He is an incredibly shy boy who uses his public persona for confidence. Maybe I’m reading too much into it but it’s like we’re soul bros!

So yeah, my tastes haven’t changed in a year and a half.

[imanonymousfanfic]

Kid's Lipstick (1/2)

This one shot was inspired by this artwork, don't forget to give the talented artist some love!

https://twitter.com/naru_KITA/status/1363171402254192640?s=20

Names for the unnamed crew members is credited to @ceejindeed or @ask-bolthead-crew !

It’s only Heat and I left in the game, again. Everyone else folded, giving up early in the game for a third time in a row, it’s suspicious at this rate. Haikei is leaning into his chair, head rolled back as he takes a long drawn out drag of his cigarette, blowing the smoke over our heads. Everyone else in the crew is singing, dancing, stumbling across the deck in a chaotic mess, making it hard to concentrate. Luckily the distractions make it easier to bluff my way to victory. Wire’s eyes gloss over Heat’s hand before leaning over to me, taking in my hand. He slinks back into his normal seated position,  remaining completely emotionless as he does. When he thought I couldn’t see, he nudges Heat with a nodding smirk. I can’t help but grit my teeth, the damn bastards are messing with me again.

“So if I win, you have to down another mug of beer.”

“And if I win you will down an entire bottle of moonshine.”

“Where is this fair?” Haikei chips in, showing off a shit-eating grin.

I look to him, ready to murder. “Probably because I’ve drank-” I throw my hand over my mouth and loudly burp. “Sorry-But he hasn’t drank! It’s not fair!” I yell, smacking my fist down on the table a little too hard, hitting my wrist on the table's edge. I rub at the bruising joint, whimpering to myself as I do. Haikei laughs out and shakes his head, before taking another drag of his cigarette.

Heat snorts, catching my attention again. “Not my fault that you suck at the game and you’re a lightweight.”

“Shut the fuck up,” I mutter back, I peak into the mug to see I have only drank half of the lager from my last loss. These men purposely take advantage of my small frame to be their laughing stock, mocking me because my tolerance is deplorable next to theirs. It sure has improved since I’ve joined them though.

“So this is what, the fourth game?” Heat questions me tauntingly. Oscar leans into the table, his eyes flicking between the blue haired pirate and I. He doesn’t often show interest in things, but this seemed to peak his.

“Fifth, actually.” He proceeds to correct, now smirking too. I lean back in my chair, staring him down. Any of my remaining amusement melts away. Now I know I’m not being paranoid, they are all in on this.

Heats lips tug into a soft smile. “So it’s a deal?”

“Just show your cards.”

Heat throws his cards down on the table with another winning hand, grinning devilishly as he does. Suddenly everyone around the table falls silent, turning their attention to me. Oscar and Wire exchange glances again. I roll my eyes and throw my defeated hand down, his straight flush beat my four of a kind.

I jump out of my seat, throwing my seat back as I do. “You’re a cheater!” I accuse him, growling louder than I planned.

“You’re accusing me of cheating?” Heat laughs out, rocking back on his chairs back legs. His sarcastic remark breaks me, turning my annoyance into uncontrollable rage. I climb onto the table and march my way across it, kicking all of their belongings out of my way. Heat lowers his chair and steadily stands tall, his gaze leveling perfectly with mine.

“Are you mocking me?”

He tilts his head at me, cocking an eyebrow as he does. He grins, amused by my question. “I would never mock you.”

“Oh, really? So then tell me why you cheated, because I know you did.”

Heat narrows his eyes at me. He lifts his hand up to my forehead, and flicks it hard. My temple thumps loudly, feeling the dull aching radiate through my skull. The others gasp silently amongst themselves, obviously not expecting him to respond the way he had. I freeze, my eyes deadpanned on him as the pain fades into the overboiling rage taking over my body.

“THAT’S IT!” I launch forward, tackling the blue haired pirate to the floor. I act quickly, throwing both of my legs around his neck as I try my best to pin his hands down. He quickly overpowers my hands, bending my wrists effortlessly at his will until I give out. He transfers both of my wrists into one hand, locking his long fingers tightly around them. With his now freed hand, he latches onto my ankle and pulls, trying to pry my limbs from his throat. Sucks for him, my legs are stronger than his arms.

The guys began to circle around us, chanting our names to encourage the fight. The audience for our struggle continues to grow larger the longer we go at it. Heat shoots up into a sitting position, almost throwing me off him, but my tight grip around his neck keeps me latched on. I swing forward, now coming face to face with him. I throw myself onto the floor again, bringing him with me. My angling on his neck gives me advantage and I squeeze harder on his throat. There’s no way I will lose this brawl. He wheezes, struggling against the pressure on his windpipe. He claws at my legs desperately, fingers digging deeply into my thighs, but he’s hopeless. His eyes are drooping and his tight clasp on my wrist is giving out.

“Enough of this!” Something tugs on my shirt, I peer over my shoulder to see an arm gripping tightly to the scruff of my shirt. I release my legs. Heat gasps for air, choking on it and rolls to his side, looking at me like I’m a maniac. I wave at him as I’m being dragged across the deck by Killer. The rest of the crew audibly express their disappointment.

“I ALMOST HAD HIM!” I yell at blond. He ignores me, continuing to the back of the deck and further out of sight.

“You’re exhausting, you pick a fight every time you drink.” We come to a stop, right outside the cargo room. He takes out the set of keys, unlocking it before kicking it open.

“It’s not my fault they pick on me,” I argue back. I tug on the fabric tight on my throat.  “You don’t care when the others do it, so why me?”

Killer doesn’t reply and lets go of me, letting me fall to the floor with a loud thud. I curse him angrily under my breath as I steadily get to my feet, readjusting my shirt, and dust myself off. His hand is pointing into the room, telling me to go first. I comply, sneering at him as I do.

There is no reason for him to bring me here to help him carry stuff. If he did, it’s not like I’d be much help anyway, I’m a doctor not a pirate heavily built with muscles. I pride myself on my speed and longevity, not my power. I scan over the bottles of liquor neatly organized on the racks in front of me. There’s hundreds. Most of these bottles are near undrinkable. Kid’s high alcohol tolerance certainly makes sure of this.

I look over my shoulder to see Killer leaning against the door, arms crossed and watching me silently. I can feel his eyes. Just as I anticipated, we’re here to talk.

“Kid has been acting off, so I asked him what happened.”

“Has he?” I rhetorically questioned, not bothering to pretend to be surprised.

“I’m here because he told me he told you.”

“Ah…fuck,” I mumble plopping my back against the wall. This is not the conversation I want to be having right now.

It’s true, he did. He told me a couple weeks ago that he was attracted to me. Whether it was emotionally or just physically is still unbeknownst to me. I never got the chance to ask, I was too busy helping Senior. I broke his foot after dropping a large box of medical supplies on him. I blame Kid for being impatient, insisting that I talk with him and not later in the evening as I asked. He stormed out seeing how much distress he put me in, not expecting me to react as badly as I did. Up till now I was hoping he had let it go after seeing how I reacted, but who am I kidding? It’s Kid, he doesn’t forget anything and he sure as hell won’t let anything go. When the man wants something, he will get it.

I was homeless when Kid and I met. He was across the street, watching a group of Marines harass me for hanging outside a bar suspiciously. I managed to uphold myself, messing with them in return claiming the Kids pirates just left town right under their noses. The idiots didn’t see the red haired captain behind them and took off in the direction I pointed them in. I was covering my own ass, but he was still equally amused enough to offer me a drink. The very same evening he invited me to become the ship's second doctor, insisting I would learn even after telling him I knew nothing about medicine. He never admits it, but it's obvious he’s had a soft spot for me since day one.

I have a crush on him, I can’t deny that fact, but I never thought about doing anything about it. My dedication is to the crew now. For the first time in years I’ve found stability in my life and I can’t lose that now. As much as I respect him, he’s not mature enough to take on the emotional responsibility of our emotions colliding. He didn’t even know how to respond when I broke down crying while drunk a few weeks back about my past. I stormed off, knowing it was no point opening up to him.

“You said you needed time, it’s been two weeks.”

I roll my eyes. “Why do you care so much?”

“For you? I don’t,” Killer retorts in a cold tone, my eyes narrow at the masked man. “Kid is my best-friend and captain, when I know something is bothering him, I’m going to deal with it.” I roll my eyes. “You have a bad habit of procrastinating, and with the upcoming events. I’d prefer Kid to have his head on right.”

He leans against the door, crossing his arms as he does. “So we won't leave until you agree to talk to him.”

I drop my mouth in awe, unable to believe that this man is entitled enough to parent me. “You’re treating me like a child!” Killer shrugs his shoulders carelessly. I scoff, throwing my hands in the air before crossing my arms over my chest. What an asshole.

“If you answered him sooner we wouldn’t be in this position.”

I grab one of the bottles of whiskey off the bottle rack and bite at the cork, ripping it out before spitting it onto the floor. I smack my back against the wall and slide down to the floor and take a large swig from the bottle, filling my mouth with the repugnant liquor. Being already partially intoxicated has made it easier, suppressing the need to gag. I can’t control the creasing of my face, smacking my lips in disgust, waiting for the flavour to fade.

I wipe my lips of the alcohol. “I… like Kid-” I tell the pirate. I hold the bottle out to him, inviting him to take a drink as well. He shifts slightly, hesitating to join me. He nods and walks over, pulling out a straw from a small packet in his jeans. I watch the bottle progressively empty a little more, taking his time. Oh god that’s disgusting, who drinks straight whiskey through a straw? I don’t look at him, the embarrassment of the situation alone is enough, having him stare me down makes this even harder. My head is on fire, I can feel the blood rushing to my face. Even in this dimly lit room he will notice the colour in my flushed cheeks. I’m not exactly in a sober state, maybe that can be my excuse.

“Yes?”

As I’m taking another swig, I nod, realizing I haven’t finished my point. I swallow the poison. “Kid is well… Kid.” I shrug my shoulders, now feeling my mood shift as the conversation continues. Is he capable of being the man I need or am I just filling my mind with fantasies? I’ve been homeless and alone for so long, I don’t want to lose this now.

“I just don’t believe he can take me seriously,” I roll my head back and look up to the masked man, awaiting for his response.

He shifts in his spot. “I guess you will have to find that out.

“You call yourself his best friend and you don’t know?”

Killer angrily hums at me. “The last time he liked a girl was when we were kids.”

The response irks me, making me think about the way he’s been acting, cold and definitely grumpier than usual. He’s been watching at me from across the deck during the day. I’ve been avoiding him knowing he has his patches, even pinning it to be his lack of sex. Now that Killer says this, it’s clear he’s been taking his dejected emotions out on me. I take a deep breath and grit my teeth, the building frustration is tensing all the muscles in my body. I ball my hand tightly into a closed fist, holding it to me, with my body continuously begging to punch something.

“Help me up... I’m… kinda drunk.”

He sticks his hands out with an open palm. I take it, grasping tightly to his coarse, callused skin, and begin to pull myself up. He yanks me from the floor effortlessly, letting me stumble to my feet, the alcohol makes it harder to catch myself.

“God,” I mumble standing myself up straight. “I keep forgetting how strong you are.” My head rushes for a second, feeling the room sway more than it should.

“I’m gonna tell him.” I declare on my way to the door. I throw it open, seeing all of the guys in front of me. They’ve been eavesdropping. I give them angry glares and stomp past them, taking another swig of the bottle as I do.

I approach the table, turning around to see the guys following me with hesitant looks on their faces. “Where’s my mug?”

“Why?” Heat questions.

“Because I lost the game, I need to finish what I owe.” I tell him. He nervously shakes his head at me, holding the mug to his chest.

“A-Are you sure? You seem drunk.” Heat hesitates, a worried smile cracks his lips.

“Give it.” I snap at him. He looks to me then the mug then to me again and hands it back. I down the remaining lager from my previous game. I look at my mug once empty and then put it on the table.

I can feel the whiskey hitting me now. The sudden shift of my intoxication hits me like a brick to the face. I catch myself, burping loudly once again, followed with another apology.

“Cheers.” I slur. Oscar was standing next to Heat, cocking an eyebrow at me. Someone rests their hand on my shoulder, I look up to see it’s Wire, silently asking me if I’m okay. I wave him off and shrug his hand away. I scan the deck, looking for the red haired man, he still hasn’t come out. Of course he hasn’t. I thought I was the one avoiding him, but it’s more obvious he’s been doing it to me. I make my way towards his bedroom door, with the guys quickly catching on. Haikei jumps in my path giving me a sweetened smile.

“Hey bud, where are you going?” He asks in an innocent tone. I may be intoxicated, but not enough to bear listening to that tone to help reason with the mindless drunk.

“You know exactly where, get the fuck out of my way,” I growl at him, “I’m not in the mood.”His sweetened smile diminishes and he obliges, stepping aside, looking perturbed.

I stand a few meters away from his door. I can feel the others behind me, many of them following behind me silently, watching for what I’m about to do. I stumble slightly, taking a small chug of the whiskey. I shift my grip on the bottle. I step back and swing forward, launching the bottle at his door. It smashes, the liquor exploding with it. I catch myself, almost stumbling to the floor again from launching the item.

“Are you crazy?” Haikei burst out to me.

“No, let her. She’s got her own behavior to deal with.” Killer interjects. Almost everyone is watching me now as I stand tall, waiting.

The door swings up, Kid’s angry expression emerges from the door, his large frame stepping onto the deck. His gaze quickly falls on me, knowing immediately it was me who had thrown the bottle at his door.

“You and I need to have a talk.” Part 2

[xcziel]

get to know me

tagged by @vishcount (thank you!!) and i'll follow her format bc making two posts seems a little much - i'm not that interesting!!

(hilariously, this post shows up as blocked for me bc of the tag 'joker' which? tumblr?????)

Part I

name: i'm an internet old, so i never use my real name online, mainly because it's spelled in a very unique way (thanks mom & dad) - i mean like, if you googled it you could find my home address in a few seconds kind of unique - but also, though i do enjoy the spelling, i actually don't like it very much when it's said out loud? (is it weird that my name written down is 'me', but my name aloud has never felt like 'me'?) always wanted a nickname but never acquired one :/

at any rate, i've had the username xcziel forever and i go by that 😊 (pronounced ex-SEE-zee-el, similar to etc. or ex-SET-er-ah! thanks @xia-xueyi for pointing out that it can be confusing to guess!)

rest behind a cut because it got long!

pronouns: she/her

star sign: i don't ... really *do* astrology? but technically saggitarius

height: 5'4" (162.5cm for the intl folks)

time: 5:43pm but these thing take me forever to type out so ... ???

birthday: playing the 'internet old' card again .. but it floats around american Thanksgiving depending on the year

nationality: american

fave bands/groups/solo artists: lumping these together because i just .. don't really do music much anymore. if you had asked me this back in my 20s i'm sure i would have had all kinds of opinions and things to share, but these days i actually mostly prefer to listen music from when i was a kid. part of it is also that as an old, i prefer to buy my music, even digitally, and i don't really use spotify - which does so much to enable diverse music exploration i admit! but i mostly have earplugs in all the time and music does not work for me as background noise, so...

so i guess my answer would be 70s disco and classic rock and 80s new wave artists? i've never liked any artist's entire discography and prefer greatest hits-type compilations, but i guess duran duran and def leppard and depeche mode would be considered formative? i love new order but specifically late 80s new order, NOT joy division. the only concert t-shirt i've ever worn was the cult? i loved sonic temple but i can't listen to most of it anymore though i still adore love removal machine. i think maybe if you get old enough, for some of us there's TOO MUCH good music and we can't pare it down anymore

song stuck in your head: jamiroquai's canned heat

last movie you watched: re: the above, i re-watched center stage, the 2000 one with zoe saldana and the mandy moore soundtrack, bc it's a happy comfort movie and i just got a digital version

last show you binged: i can't really "binge" very often bc after a couple of hours i need a break, so i guess i'd say the tgcf donghua on netflix since it was short enough to get through all in one go

when you created your blog: in 2012 i stopped lurking so i could post about the avengers movie

the last thing you googled: 5'4" in cm? lol before that it was chinese wrapped street food

other blogs: everything is here! i discovered i compartmentalize about as well as i tag reliably (😓) but i do have several automated ao3feed-tag style sideblogs. and i did, very briefly, have a *winces* hockey sideblog too

why i chose my url: ooh i know i've done this before, sorry if it's repetitive, basically it was the username i picked back when my family first got aol: short, unique combo of letters - 14-year-old me really thought about it! and then it wouldn't let me use anything other than my name. thirty-some-odd years later, trying to come up with a livejournal username that wasn't already taken and getting fed up, i plugged it in and went: good enough!

how many people are you following: like 760-something last i checked? although many, many, many of them are deactivated

how many followers do you have: idk i don't like looking at that stuff, but way fewer than i am following

average hours of sleep: it varies too much day by day, my sleep schedule is too wonky, i have no idea what the average would be

lucky numbers: 7? cliché i know, and again not really buying into it, but somewhere in my hindbrain i like it that my first, middle, and last names all have seven letters

instruments: none. i like singing

what i'm currently wearing: giant black t-shirt and baggy black drawstring shorts, standard sitting around the house gear

dream job: don't have one. if i did it would give me something to be working towards *sigh* this is how you end up in retail for decades, kids! but also, to quote a random post i saw in true tumblr fashion "i simply do not dream of labor"

dream trip: covered this one before but: back to the uk and some railway daytrips, or a really fancy northern cruise, atlantic/pacific either one

fave food: uhhh, don't really have a favorite but i'm almost always in the mood for pizza

top three fictional universe you'd like to live in: none really, if i had to still be me..maybe some kind of actually utopian future? but the pandemic has confirmed for me that i do NOT like living in interesting times, so most fictional story universes are RIGHT out. my favorites to read about like discworld or diana wynne jones' worlds would be way to chaotic for my comfort. possibly diane duane's young wizards universe would be safe enough to be okay?

Part II

last song: watching center stage made me think of my dance playlist so sunrise by simply red

last movielast stream: i don't watch streams or youtube often, so it was the same as you, vish! liu chang's birthday stream was SO enjoyable i screenrecorded the entire thing just so i could play it back (and maybe gif sometime if i ever get the drive to actually do it)

currently reading: well i just finished the translated quan qiu gao kao or global university entrance exam novel, which was sparked purely from catching a single rec post here on tumblr and basically just *falling* into this 166 chapter epic that is *amazing* and not coming up for air until i got to the end, which is typical novel-reading behavior for me (yes i was the kid who read through lunch period and got hassled by people who kept pestering me with "what're you reading" questions and yes i realize probably a lot of you on tumblr were too) plus, the new murderbot novel is out tomorrow!!!!! so that'll be where i end up next!

currently watching: the entire dmbj verse (that i can get my hands on) but ... sporadically and stopping at random different parts because the thing is ... this type of show is not really the kind i enjoy so much? so since it's more for "research" and learning character arcs (and let's be honest: shots of liu sang), etc. it's easy to get distracted by other stuff. i'm also watching the sleuth of the ming dynasty, mr queen, bromance, the expanse, re-watching farscape and stargate sg-1, just finished the falcon and the winter soldier, and then anytime something new and short gets introduced it jumps the queue. there are just. so. many. things. to. watch! (now i have to look into anti-fraud league too!? you all are cruel ...)

what is antipoetry to you: i ... don't really think much about poetry? i know what i prefer is usually the more basic rhymed kind like lewis carroll, emily dickinson, poe, coleridge, etc. so i suppose i don't have much use for classifying non-rhyming verse? i can appreciate stuff like rupi kaur which i guess would qualify? or that william carlos williams plums poem? but it doesn't really stick with me the way lyric-like verse does

currently craving: i never know what exactly this is meant to be in reference to ... hmmm, i would love a new high-concept, high production-quality movie like say, pacific rim, to be released, just for that massive, excited energy that comes with something new that hasn't already got tons of disappointing or conflicting history behind it - that would be so fun!!

other than that, right now, i mostly kinda want some fried fish? but that will have to wait until i go to get my second vaccine shot on wednesday since it's on the way there. i'd also like my internal body parts to settle down and fly right but it's been more than a month and they don't seem inclined :(((( maybe once i'm fully vaxxed i'll think about consulting somebody about it

tagging @foxofninetales @xia-xueyi @momosandlemonsoda @memorydragon @thewindsofsong @elvencantation @mylastbraincql @hesayshesgotboyfriend @aurawolfgirl2000 @smaragdine-galaxy and anyone who wants to! but never feel obligated and if you don't get around to it for like half a year that's totally fine, i am still interested!!!