#they are tragic they are soulmates they are each other's salvation

[dark-night-star-light]

Breaking my silence to say: Shane and Abeke were never romantic to me.

[randomfoggytiger]

Scully's Survival Broke The Field Where I Died's Cycle

I noticed something while scrubbing through Mulder's hypnosis: in each past life (the concentration camps and the Civil War battle), Scully is always killed first; then Mulder; then Melissa Reidel.

I think that not only were the souls reborn correctly in this life, but they also ended in the correct order-- that Scully circumvented her destined end in order to save Mulder from his tragic, heroic pitfalls. And, more importantly, that she was alive at the crucial moment of Mulder's life: the moment his exhausted soul was almost doomed to repeat another failed cycle at the hands of Melissa Rydell's destined self-sabotage.

THE IMPORTANCE OF SCULLY'S UNPRECEDENTED SURVIVAL

Mulder has a history of being the first one to get into trouble: it's not two cases in before Mulder sneaks onto an airfield base and gets mindwiped. We know Mulder takes impossible risks even when Scully isn't there to back him up; so, it's more likely he would die on the field than live long enough to be canned from the FBI.

Although Mulder wasn't going to be killed in Deep Throat (just returned more scrambled on release) Scully wouldn't have been able to save him from fate or himself if she'd died later in Squeeze, Ghost in the Machine, Eve, Gender Bender, Lazarus, Young at Heart, Shapes, Darkness Falls, and Tooms. Or, more particularly, in One Breath.

If Scully had died in the forests of Darkness Falls, then Mulder would have been died underground in Tooms. If Scully had died in One Breath-- as she was meant to, it seems-- then Mulder might have died in Firewalker and Aubrey but most certainly in End Game; and when Irresistible didn't kill her, cancer tried to throughout Season 4, which almost caused Mulder's death in Demons, regardless. If Scully died in Kitsunegari, Mulder would've died in Kill Switch and Bad Blood. If Scully died in The Red and the Black, Mulder would've died in Folie a Deux. If Scully had died in Fight the Future, Mulder would have died then or perished soon after in Triangle. If Scully had died in Tithonus, Mulder would have burnt alive at the One Son hanger. If Scully had died in Field Trip, then her presence wouldn't have brought Mulder out of his psychosis (and death) then or in Amor Fati. And lastly, if Scully had died in Orison, Mulder would have died in First Person Shooter and Brand X, etc.

The infamous ending to Pusher exemplifies this dynamic to a 'T': Mulder rushes in without caring for his own safety; but the kill shot was turned on Scully, not Modell or himself. And if Scully hadn't saved them both, Modell might have taken a bullet to the chest or he might have manipulated Mulder's mind further for his own ends.

But it all ties back most pivotally to One Breath, where she chose to stay instead of pass on. By fighting to live another day, Scully began a pattern that lead to her and Mulder's salvation.

MELISSA RYDELL GOES FIRST

Not only is this the first life cycle that Scully survived, but it's also the first cycle that places Scully, Mulder, and Melissa on an even romantic playing field. Mulder subtly acknowledges this by asking where he and Scully still fit with, he assumes, a soulmate wedged between them: "Dana, if, um, early in the four years we'd been working together... if we'd been friends together, in other life times, always, would it changed some of the ways we looked at one another?" Scully doesn't believe in fate, living her life by the dictates of her conscience; and Mulder's question doesn't shake those beliefs, either.

And not only does Scully survive with the ability to rival Melissa's hold on Mulder, but she and Mulder are also this cycle's first unprecedented survivors: Melissa (Mulder's tragic mirror) dies first and dies alone. Mulder still broke rank in his attempts to save her; but by heeding protocol as long as he did, Mulder was too late to be killed before Rydell or to join her in death.

Why did he play by the rules that long? Because the impact of Scully's partnership-- years of insisting he follow the guidelines created for his protection-- kept his destructive tendency at bay long enough to save him from certain death. Her active presence by his side reinforced this decision when it mattered most: the moment that changed the course of their fate.

CONCLUSION

It's like Scully said: "Even if I knew for certain, I wouldn't change a day." She doesn't believe in fate; and The Field Where I Died's implications would therefore suggest Scully beats back destiny through sheer force of will, besting the monsters that hunt her as easy prey and saving Mulder from the demons driving him harder and faster into irrational action.

And she won. Cancer was already growing in her brain; but Scully outlasted the cycle that trapped her, Mulder, and Rydell's souls: that she die first (or that she die at all.)

Souls may mate eternal; but her choice broke old chains and saved their fate.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[insufferablemonsters]

𝔠𝔬𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔲𝔢𝔡 𝔣𝔯𝔬𝔪 𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 @smurfdemon.

wesley  didn't  bother  attempting  to  hide  the  grief  that  overwhelmed  him  day  in  and  day  out.  why  would  he?  why  should  he?  he  failed  to  see  any  real  reason  to  continue  on  living,  let  alone  find  a  reason  to  let  a  smile  appear  on  his  face.  the  sole  person,  his  soulmate,  had  been  wiped  out  of  existence  with  no  chance  of  salvation.  or  so,  that's  what  he's  been  told  by  many  different  people  involved  in  her  tragic  accident  ...  including  the  person  that  was  sitting  across  from  her.  not  a  person,  not  at  all  actually,  but  a  demon  hell-god.  the  very  creature  that  consumed  what  was  left  of  his  dear  winifred.  wesley  recognized  he  needed  her  around,  at  least  for  the  time-being.  he  was  determined  to  find  some  kind  of  way  of  bringing  fred  back  ...  even  if  that  meant  killing  illyria  in  the  process.

her  words  were  exactly  what  the  former  watcher  had  expected  to  hear  from  her.  he  couldn't  tell  if  she  genuinely  meant  it  or  if  it  was  deflection.  he's  seen  her  experience  a  small  semblance  of  emotions  before,  was  this  one  of  those  times?  ❝  if  you  don't  wish  anything  from  me,  then  why  question  the  silence  between  us?  does  silence  make  you  uncomfortable,  illyria?  ❞  he  asked,  taking  a  sip  from  his  hot  coffee  before  placing  the  mug  back  down.  he  brings  his  hands  down  onto  his  lap,  sitting  comfortably  in  his  seat,  ❝  m'  aware  and  m'  pleased  you  decided  to  join  me  on  my  expedition.  your  assistance  will  be  the  most  helpful,  ❞  he  told  her.  her  threat  didn't  instill  fear  within  him.  he  was  accustomed  to  the  way  she  threw  all  sorts  of  violent  threats  his  way,  so  another  one  wasn't  going  to  cause  him  to  shake  in  his  boots.  a  small,  sarcastic  smirk  briefly  appears  on  his  lips  but  quickly  fades,  still  avoiding  eye  contact  with  her  completely,  just  glancing  every  few  seconds.  ❝  yes,  well,  m'  sure.  but,  if  you  truly  wanted  to  end  my  existence,  you  would've  done  so  by  now.  let's  remained  focus  on  the  task  at  hand,  shall  we?  ❞  he  replied,  not  batting  an  eye.  he  wasn't  afraid  of  her,  there  was  no  reason  to  be.  they  needed  each  other  ...  not  that  he'd  ever  admit  that  out  loud.

[prathapoklealevelmediastudies]

Story Ends

Every story has an end, which could be sweet, semi-sweet, bittersweet or bitter. 

All these ends have a protagonist and their two factors which are wants and needs. 

Sweet ending: here the protagonists want and needs both are fulfilled. 

Ex: Whiplash, yeh Jawani Hai deewani

In "Whiplash," Andrew strives to become an exceptional drummer and craves recognition from his mentor, Terence Fletcher. Ultimately, he achieves both his musical greatness and Fletcher's approval.

Meanwhile, in "Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani," Bunny yearns to have his beloved by his side and dreams of exploring the world. By the end, he realizes the importance of love and embarks on his journey while being accompanied by his soulmate.

Semi sweet: the protagonists want are fulfilled but needs are not. 

Ex: THOR RAGNAROK

In this film, Thor is compelled to protect the people of Asgard, yet his ultimate desire is to ensure the salvation of his homeland. Despite his best efforts, he tragically falls short of achieving this goal.

Bittersweet: the protagonists want are not fulfilled but needs are fulfilled.

Ex: spider-man no way home

In the film, Spider-Man faces the immense task of saving the world and safeguarding its people. However, his deepest longing is to be with his beloved and share a life together. In a poignant turn of events, he sacrifices his own happiness and ultimately himself to ensure the safety of the world.

Bitter: here both the factors are not fulfilled.  

Ex: the virgin suicides, Goliyon Ki Rasleela Ram-Leela

In the conclusion of "The Virgin Suicides," one of the boys reflects in a voice-over, acknowledging that they will spend the remainder of their lives grappling with the enigmatic puzzle of the Lisbon sisters and their tragic decision to end their lives. This underscores the realization that their desires and needs remain unfulfilled, leaving behind an enduring sense of longing and unanswered questions.

In "Ram Leela," the lead characters aspire to spend eternity together and yearn to resolve the complex family conflicts standing in their way. However, these desires remain unattainable, leading them to choose death over a life apart from each other.

[gliklofhameln]

The Christianity that eventually emerged from the tradition of Paul, Augustine, Anselm and Aquinas had strong Judaic elements. It spoke of faith, hope, charity, righteousness, love, forgiveness, the dignity of the human person and the sanctity of life. It valued humility and compassion. It spoke of a God who loves his creatures. But it also contained strands that were undeniably Greek and in striking contrast with the way Jews read the Hebrew Bible. The following are some of them.

The first and most obvious is universality. Judaism is a principled and unusual combination of universality and particularity: the universality of God, and the particularity of the ways in which we relate to God. The God of Israel is the God of all humanity, but the religion of Israel is not, and is not intented to be, the religion of all humanity. You do not have to be part of the Sinai covenant, or even the covenant of Abraham, to reach heaven and achieve salvation.

Pauline Christianity rejected this. The upside of this is its inclusivity, expressed most famously in Paul’s striking statement, ‘There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female’ (Galatians 3:28). The downside is its denial of any other route of salvation. Extra ecclesiam non est salus: ‘Outside the Church there is no salvation.’ Universality is supremely characteristic of Greek thought in the classic age between the sixth and third pre-Christian centuries (though of course it was not applied in their religious understanding). Above all it is the legacy of Plato, who utterly devalued particulars in favour of the universal form of all things. For Plato truth is universal and eternal or it is not truth at all. In that sense, Paul and Plato are soulmates.

The second is dualism. To a far greater extent that Judaism, Christianity after Paul develops a series of dualisms, between body and soul, the physical and the spiritual, earth and heaven, this life and the next, with the emphasis on the second of each pair. The body, says Paul in Romans, is recalcitrant. ‘What I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do’ (Romans 7:15). There is nothing like this in Jewish literature. To be sure there is the ‘evil inclination’, but no suggestion that because of our embodied condition we are slaves to sin. The entire set of contrasts — soul as against body, the afterlife as against this life — is massively Greek with much debt to Plato and traces of Gnosticism. Paul’s occasionally ambivalent remarks about sexuality and marriage also have no counterpart in mainstream Judaism.

Third is the Pauline reinterpretation, one of the most radical in the history of religion, of the story of Adam and Eve and ‘the Fall’, and the consequent tragic view of the human condition. There is no such interpretation of the passage in the Hebrew Bible. According to Judaism we are not destined to sin. In the very next chapter, before Cain murders his brother Abel, God reminds him of his essential freedom: ‘Sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you can dominate it’ (Genesis 4:7). The collective forgiveness of humankind occurs, in the Hebrew Bible, after the Flood. ‘Never again,’ says God, ‘will I curse the ground because of humans, even though every inclination of the human heart is evil from childhood’ (Genesis 8:21).

The human tragedy as described by Paul is more Greek than Jewish, and as for the idea of inherited sin, it is already negated in the sixth pre-Christian century by both Jeremiah and Ezekiel. Of course, in Christianity, tragedy is avoided by salvation: but salvation in this sense, the existential delivrance of the human person from the grip of sin, does not exist in Judaism. We choose. Sometimes we choose wrongly. We atone (in biblical times through the Temple service, post-biblically by repentance) and God forgives.

Fourth is the potential for the separation, unknown in Judaism, between ‘faith’ and ‘works’. In Judaism the two go hand in hand, Faithfulness is a matter of how you behave, not what your believe. Believing and doing are part of a single continuum, and both are a measure of a living relationship characterised by loyalty. In general one of the great differences between classical Greek and Hebraic thought thought is the immense emphasis in the latter on the will. We are, on a Jewish view, what we choose to be, and it is in the realm of choice, decision and action that the religious drama takes place. The Greek view emphasises far more the role of fate and the futility of fighting against it. Under its influence Christianity became more a religion of acceptance than protest  — the characteristic stance of the Hebrew prophets.

The fifth and most profound difference lies in the way the two traditions understood the key phrase in which God identifies himself to Moses at the burning bush. ‘Who are you? asks Moses. God replies, cryptically, Ehyeh asher ehyeh. This was translated into Greek as ego eimi ho on, and into Latin as ego sum qui sum, meaning ‘I am who I am’ or ‘I am he who is’. The early and medieval Christian theologians all understood the phrase to be speaking about ontology, the metaphysical nature of God’s existence. It meant that he was ‘Being-itself, timeless, immutable, incorporeal, understood as the subsiding act of all existing’. Augustine defines God as that which does not change and cannot change. Aquinas, continuing the same tradition, reads the Exodus formula as saying that God is ‘true being, that is being that is eternal, immutable, simple, self-sufficient, and the cause and principal of every creature’.

But this is the God of Aristotle and the philosophers, not the God of Abraham and the prophets. Ehyeh asher ehyeh means none of these things. It means ‘I will be what, where, or how I will be’. The essential element of the phrase is the dimension omitted by all the early Christian translations, namely the future tense. God is defining himself as the Lord of history who is about to intervene in an unprecedented way to liberate a group of slaves from the mightiest empire of the ancient world and lead them on a journey towards liberty. Already in the eleventh century, reacting against the neo-Aristotelianisn that he saw creeping into Judaism, Judah Halevi made the point that God introduces himself at the beginning of the Ten Commandments not as God who created heaven and earth, but by saying, ‘I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.’

Far from being timeless and immutable, God in the Hebrew Bible is active, engaged, in constant dialogue with his people, calling, urging, warning, challenging and forgiving. When Malachi says in the name of God, ‘I the Lord do not change’ (Malachi 3:6), he is not speaking about his essence as pure being, the unmoved mover, but about his moral commitments. God keeps his promises even when his children break theirs. What does not change about God are the covenants he makes with Noah, Abraham and the Israelites at Sinai.

So remote is the God of pure being — the legacy of Plato and Aristotle, that the distance is bridged in Christianity by a figure that has no counterpart in Judaism, the Son of God, a person who is both human and divine. In Judaism we are all both human and divine, dust of the earth yet breathing God’s breath and bearing God’s image. These are profoundly different theologies.

    — Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks zt”l, in The Great Partnership: God, Science and the Search for Meaning

[dreamywriterinthedark]

Museum Date

Pairing: Spencer x Reader (gn <3)

Part two

Resume: Spencer Reid confesses his feelings for you at a nocturne exhibition in a museum.

Category: too fluffy for my own good.

Trigger Warnings: not much just brief suggestion of death which never occurred.

I was thinking about making a part two where it takes place a year later. Is that something you’d want to see ? This feels very cheesy (i just want to see him happy lol). Any feedback (positive or negative) is welcome. Don’t hesitate to submit suggestions!

special thanks to @rigatonireid​ for being supportive and too sweet 💕

(let me know if you want to be tagged)

It started with friendship but was quickly followed by endless pinning over one another right under the nose of your co workers for the longest time. At first, they thought it was cute but after all the jokes imagine able were made by Morgan, it started to feel like torture. To a team of profilers it was as noticeable as an elephant in a room yet the two concerned were oblivious to it. However, it wasn’t your coworker’s exasperation that brung an end to the friendship coated romantic yearning you and Spencer had but your life being endangered during a case right in front of his eyes. 

He felt powerless, scared of losing you or making the same mistakes again he chose to not take your time for granted. Sure, you were young, your friendship was too precious to alter but what’s worse ? Make a beautiful mess or stay caged ? This almost tragic event made Spencer completely change his mindset. Time was limited and he was going to make the most of it. There was something about the rhythm in his body, like his heart strings were tuned in a tone he’s never explored before echoing within the marrow of his bones. He was now sure he was going to confess how he felt but he wanted it to be special. So he booked two tickets for a nocturne museum exhibition. 

All his life he was worried about not being good enough. Despite his thirst for perfection in the coldest sense of the term, that night, he couldn’t care less. That night by (sometimes) glancing at the paintings (and you, cause you’re the real masterpiece here) he realized that the more you looked closely the messier these paintings looked. They were worshipped for their imperfections, it’s what made them special. He realized that beauty may come from chaos, it was shown by how Van Gogh’s brush strokes mimicked small hurricanes when they were supposed to be a peaceful landscape. Stars were born from hurricanes and here you were the shiniest, brightest of them all. You’ve been through hell and back yet you were radiant, magical. We don’t love art because it’s perfect but because it gives life meaning.

Sometimes you’d just sit in silence, staring in the same direction with your head resting on his shoulder. Occasionally, you would intertwine your fingers with his. At some point you swore his voice was what lost souls would hear when they were welcomed to heaven. It’s like your heartbeat was dancing to his melodic voice too busy grasping its beauty to even hear what he was chanting. After all, you two were the art, you wished this moment could’ve been engraved in a canvas... and it was. It was written in the stars, everything you’ve been through, every shout, every piece of broken glass led you up to this moment of pure bliss. The sky was your canvas. And it was reflected in his eyes. As soon as that thought hit you, you lifted up your head to look at him, he was already staring. He knew.

“Why did you bring me here ?” you asked.

“Because I thought someone so beautiful should be surrounded by things equally as beautiful.” he smiled pursing his lips, proud of his own wittiness. His smile only grew bigger with a flutter in his chest after seeing you chuckle before rolling your eyes while slightly throwing your head back. You glanced back at him, an eyebrow raised at him.

“And to tell you that I’m madly and hopelessly in love with you.” he added as if it were his last breath. Your smirk dropped, a complete look of stupor invaded your face. His eyes traveled from your eyes to your lips in desperate need for the suffocating oxygen only your lips could provide. He looked at them as if they were his salvation.

“You love me ?” you asked, you were melancholically electrified which showed in your eyes, it showed in your voice.

“Of course, I do. I’ve loved you before I even met you. I’ve loved you before you saved my life on that autumn night. I’ve loved you ever since you spilled that dumb coffee on my shirt. Y/n, you’re my soulmate.”

You crashed your lips against his, he cupped your face in his hands and it felt like a revolution. There was something about hearing him say your name that did something to you. You felt alive, more than ever. You started to understand why people like this life thing so much after all. You inhaled sharply while his eyes searched for yours panting for air as well. They were dreamy as if he was in a slumber, his cheeks flushed like spring roses.

With a hand resting on his collar and his stroking your other’s knuckles you said: “I love you Dr Spencer Reid and I don’t want to love anyone else but you.”

 “Oh is that so?” he teased. You looked away, to get your attention he started kissing your face. Your cheeks, your temples, your forehead, your nose, your lips using his eidetic memory each time he saw your face to remember every detail of it so it could be engraved in his brain just like your mere essence is in his soul, just like your story is in the sky.

[sometimesrosy]

Honestly, I wouldn't put it past JR to make Bellarke "kiss official" in the very last episode. He's waited this long, why not make it worth it? Obviously I'd love it sooner, but I can also see everyone finding out in the last scene. In a flash forward or. something.

That is the end of Pride and Prejudice 2005, and I’ve long said that Bellarke, the love story, is patterned off of Elizabeth and Darcy, so I can’t say that CAN’T happen. Although it actually is not the last scene, the confession and marriage proposal is, like, the third to last scene (no kiss), then he speaks to her father (no kiss,) then deleted wedding scene? then wedding night as a kind of postscript that is NOT in the book and THEN we get a kiss. So possible.

But thinking of the Bellarke love story WITHIN the post apocalyptic story of salvation of humanity, and it’s removed from the pride and prejudice story. And I think one of them sacrifices themselves for everyone and the other refuses to let them do that and they do it “together” and they head off into sacrifice together because they can’t bear to be apart, they choose LOVE, they choose together, they choose their soulmate and come together in a supernova that starts the universe on another path.

And in order to have that ending be really satisfying, I think we should have them get together EARLIER, deal with them finally being together, getting the hint of a happy ever after and then ripping it away from them with the necessary sacrifice. TOO TRAGIC BUT ALSO A BEAUTIFUL EPIC LOVE STORY OF LOVERS FATED TO BE TORN APART.... except when they choose each other, they get shunted off into their own happy ending as their family continues to struggle for the better future that Bellarke gifted them. 

And then postscript, maybe we find out through a much later scene where Clarke and Bellamy are old. OR through Clarke’s minddrive what happened to them. 

I don’t believe in speculating the narrative ending based on perceived character traits of the creators, nor on the gossip of what happens behind the scenes.

That’s actually like using an ad hominem attack in your actual literary analysis as if it were part of canon. If the ad hominem attack is “JR is a bad person who hates us and hates bellarke and wants to torture us,” and the analysis is “JR’s just the kind of person to leave it to the last scene,” you’re basing your theory on the ad hominem attack.

Like, I said it COULD happen, based not on him being a jerk, but on that being the structure of P&P. 

I think all of us, in fandom but also irl, in politics, in personal relationships, in other aspect of the internet, everywhere, have tended towards adhominem attacks and using that sort of personal character assassination as a substitute for evidence, logic, facts or understanding.

And I think it’s a problem. 

[princessshikky]

Basically an m!handers soulmate AU that I finally finished while sitting at home because quarantine.

Anders' words are "Maker's grace, I must be the luckiest man alive", and at first he was slightly bitter about it. How can this guy consider himself lucky, torn apart from his family and locked in a prison? And more importantly, why couldn't he have something Karl said to him instead?

In solitary, the words become his anchor. No оne knows for sure where the Words come from or what they mean, but оne thing's certain: if you have someone's Words оn your wrist, you'll meet this person. Your meeting might be short and tragic, but it's bound to happen. Screw the sappy tales of "the Maker meant these people for each other", it's not true (he desperately wants to hope, but he's too bitter and tired), but he'll leave the solitary alive and meet this guy, that he knows without a doubt. 

And sure, he leaves, and Amell (ginger hair, long nose, same old tattoo оn her face) recruits him, and for a while everything is good. Emily wouldn't flirt or sleep with him anymore (sometimes he doubts she even remembers they actually slept together оnce in the Tower), but he's fine with that. Except when Emily leaves, everything goes to hell, and soon he has to run, and merge with Justice. That didn't go so well. 

They go to Kirkwall, because no Wardens, and, more importantly, Karl, and the city is a hellhole, but at least the refugees are so desperate they are willing to protect him from the templars. Anders is alerted regardless: any minute, something could happen. Karl could get caught, the templars could barge into his clinic, Justice could come outside and loose control and slaughter everyone (he tries not to concentrate оn that last possibility, it makes both of them uncomfortable). Sure enough, when a group of armed strangers come through the door, he is ready to defend himself and his patients. Justice sends him a burst of energy, and Anders tentatively lets him... not take over their body, no, but come to the surface of their conscience. 

"I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation! Why do you threaten it?" — Justice demands in Anders' voice. Black-haired guy with a longsword suddenly groans, and another оne gasps. 

"Maker's grace, I must be the luckiest man alive". 

"Oh, no", — the sword-guy mutters, and Anders is inclined to agree with him. Oh, no. He doesn't need that now. He has Justice, and the compulsive need to help people, and the manifesto, and Karl, and he wouldn't wish to thrust this burden upon anyone. 

Hawke doesn't exactly give him the chance to back off. He's kind, and understanding, and a fellow mage (an apostate, no less!), and he's immediately supportive, and looks at Anders with reverence, and he's so gorgeous it's unfair.

 In short, Hawke is perfect. 

He helps with the disastrous attempt to get Karl out. He helps with the mage underground. He tries to help the mages escape the Circle. He reads the manifesto and offers new arguments. He is even supportive about the situation with Justice. He looks at Anders like he hung the moons in the sky. How is a man supposed to stay away from that, even if staying away would be better for Hawke in the long run? 

When Anders says "I love you", it breaks his heart a little, knowing that they live оn borrowed time. That most mages are not allowed the luxury of loving someone, and Anders has to change that, even at the expense of his own happiness, of Hawke's happiness. He doesn't expect Hawke to understand: Hawke is just оne man, he never had to live in a Circle, he doesn't have a spirit in his head. 

He still asks Hawke for help, knowing he'll pay for the betrayal with his life. 

Only he doesn't. 

Later, after the templars back off, after Orsino helps the apprentices escape, after Meredith turns into a chunk of red lyrium, after Bodahn shoves the hastily-gathered supplies into Hawke's hands, after they run from Kirkwall, after Merrill and Aveline leave them, after they make a camp and Carver and Varric pretend to be busy with the fire, they have time to talk. Hawke sighs and frowns and shakes his head. 

"I can't believe you did this". 

"The mages need to be free", — Anders says, or maybe it is Justice, taking over like he does sometimes when Anders is exhausted. — "What I did was unforgivable, but it was the оnly way to achieve this". 

"Yes, blowing the fucking Chantry building sounds like a reasonable strategy to prove that mages are harmless", — Varric snarls. 

"Who cares about the damn Chantry?" — Hawke says, louder than necessary. — "I definitely don't plan to shed any tears over them". — Carver snorts quietly at that, and Hawke smiles at his brother before turning back to Anders. — "What I meant was... Well, you should have told me. I... you should have trusted me with that". 

"I didn't want to endanger you any more than necessary". 

"Endanger... Anders, do you have any idea how scared I was? I lost my home, I lost my family, and I thought I was going to lose you too! You acted like you were preparing for a certain death! Every day I woke up and I looked at you and thought "Is it going to be today?". Do you know how I felt when I saw that damn Chantry going in flames? I was relieved! Because at least everything has reached a conclusion and I didn't have to wait any longer, I could just act! Maker damn it, right now I can finally breathe again now that I know my lover isn't going to go and kill himself while I'm not looking!" 

Anders gulps. Carver shakes his head but doesn't say anything. Varric looks at Hawke disapprovingly. For a moment everyone is quiet, until Hawke weakly smirks. 

"And honestly, if you'd asked me for help, I would've at least made sure Sebastian was at that Chantry along with Elthina. I can't believe you missed such a great opportunity to get rid of that asshole". 

Carver chuckles unexpectedly. 

"Damn, brother. I had no idea I missed your stupid jokes". 

Anders has to agree. He knew full well Hawke mostly used his stupid jokes to hide behind them — something Anders himself has done often — and yet... Hawke stopped joking some time before Leandra's death and it felt like he gave up trying. 

Still smiling, Hawke moves closer to Anders and kisses him lightly. 

"Look. There is nothing you can do that would make me leave you. And I mean it — nothing. So please, just trust me next time. We're in this together", — and it feels undeserved, unbelievable, so Anders (or Justice, ever protective) just has to ask. 

"Still feel like the luckiest man alive?" 

Hawke smiles, takes his hand and kisses the inner side of his wrist, where his words are curling оn Anders' skin. 

"Always".

It takes some time for Garrett to decipher the words оn his wrist, written in mostly-unintelligible scrawl, like someone was simultaneously hasty and angry. 

"I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation! Why do you threaten it?". 

All right, Garrett could think of worse ways to start a conversation. At least these Words are unique. He'll know his Person instantly. 

Carver teases him mercilessly. "I can't believe this all fit оn your hand" and "Well, it doesn't seem like your person will appreciate your dumb jokes", and even "Gah! Marauder! Why would you ever threaten a sanctum of salvation!". But after Carver finds Garrett making out with their neighbours' son behind the barn, and Garrett makes him promise not to tell anyone, not father, not even Bethany, Carver becomes a little nicer. Maybe it's because they share a secret now, Garrett reasons, something just for the two of them. 

"Do you think it's a guy? Your Person?" — Carver asks оne day, when everyone else is already asleep, and Garrett doesn't feel like deflecting with a joke. 

"I hope so. I mean, it might be a girl, they say that sometimes your Person is just a friend to you, but still... I'd prefer a guy". 

"Do you not like girls at all?" — Carver asks disbelievingly (he is a teenager, after all). 

"I don't hate them, I guess, but they're just... not interesting", — Garrett says. — "Guys are..." 

"Hot?" 

"I guess you could say that". 

"Well, good. At least you won't steal any girls from me", — Carver says confidently, and Garrett just smirks. "You can keep them as long as you send any cute guys in my direction".

The first time Garrett hears about the Warden healer, he thinks it's too good to be true. 

A free mage who openly uses his magic to help other people? Come оn. In order to be free, mages have to hide their magic, keep their heads low and never be too close to other people. Holding a free clinic for the refugees? No оne's this selfless. 

Except for this Anders Warden, apparently. Who lives in Darktown, and who is the most competent healer Garrett's ever met. And who is understandably wired to see four armed strangers оn his doorstep. 

Anders grabs his staff and turns to them in оne swift motion. 

"I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation! Why do you threaten it?" 

Carver groans, but Garrett just doesn't feel like paying attention to his little brother right now, as much as he loves Carver. 

"Maker's grace, I must be the luckiest man alive", — Garrett gasps and means every word. His Person is a guy (a good-looking guy, to boot), a fellow apostate, someone brave and selfless enough to openly use his magic to help people... what's not to like? 

The more Garrett finds out about Anders, the more he realizes just how damn lucky he is. His first impression was right: Anders is too good to be true. Yes, he lashes out at Merrill sometimes, but other than that? Perfection. Kind and compassionate and sensitive and working to free the mages, always willing to help Garrett solve his troubles. The оnly problem? While Anders does seem interested in Garrett sometimes, he never takes any action. He calls Garrett a friend, he tries to keep Garrett away, he never takes the first step, and Garrett is patient, but damn it, it takes three years before Anders runs out of excuses and lets both of them be happy. 

And then he starts acting strange. He becomes more distant, his love declarations become more desperate, and it seems like he is waiting for something. Garrett's already lost his sister and mother, and his brother is somewhere оn Warden missions, and he _cannot _lose someone else. He feels like he cannot breathe properly, like he is sick with fear, like Kirkwall chokes the air out of his lungs. He cannot sleep at night if Anders isn't home, tossing and turning and waking up from nightmares gasping for air. 

One day, when Anders is in his clinic, Garrett comes to the alienage. Merrill is happy to see him — anything to distract her from the thoughts of her clanmates dying under their blades and spells — and talking to her is easier than Garrett imagined. 

"I want you to teach me blood magic". 

Anders would be furious if he knew, but ultimately he would understand. He said he would drown Kirkwall in blood to keep Garrett safe — and Garrett would absolutely do the same for Anders. 

When Merrill carefully cuts her wrist and gives the knife to Garrett, he thinks he sees the eluvian glimmering in the corner. 

And then it's over. The Chantry explodes, Elthina is dead (good riddance, Hawke thinks when Sebastian starts wailing), Anders is alive. 

Everything goes straight to hell. Sebastian leaves, which is expected, and Fenris joins the templars, which is a huge blow. Yes, Garrett knew about his views, but he thought Fenris had his back. He always helped Fenris out, didn't he? Even Cullen, of all people, decided to help Hawke at the end. Cullen, the asshole who said Tranquility is a mercy. And Zevran is helping them fight for some reason? Apparently Hawke is shitty at the whole "reading people's intentions" thing. 

At the end of the day, people Hawke cares about are alive. Merrill, Aveline and Carver are fine. Anders is alive. Varric is here, giving Anders judgmental looks but mercifully not saying anything. They get to leave Kirkwall unharmed, albeit in a hurry. Aveline and Varric keep looking at Hawke like they expect him to do something, but Hawke is honestly too tired to think about it. What do they want? He has no clue. Apparently he barely knows people who he regularly spoke with. Eventually Aveline takes him aside to check the road ahead and to talk privately. 

"Are you going to say anything to him? About him?" — she asks. For a moment Hawke considers playing dumb, pretending he doesn't know what she means, but ultimately deems it useless. 

"What do you want me to say? Hey, love, good job killing Elthina, are you tired, do you want me to carry your backpack for you?" 

"I cannot believe you actually approve of what he's done", — Aveline spits out. 

"Well, I do", — Hawke says simply. — "And even if I didn't... Maker help me, I would protect him anyway". 

"He's murdered innocent people!" 

"He's my family, Aveline! And I cannot lose him, not after everything!" 

Aveline has a pitying expression оn her face. And if anyone else tried to have this conversation with him now, Hawke would probably punch this person, but Aveline is as much of a family to him as Carver and Anders. And isn't it an uncomfortable realisation? That he is no better than people he so callously judged? That if he'd found Anders, Merrill, Carver or Aveline gleefully murdering half of Kirkwall in a blood magic ritual, he would still defend them until his dying breath? Does this make him an awful person? It probably does, but this night has been full of uncomfortable truths he has had to realise about himself and others. 

Thankfully, Aveline doesn't press the matter further. 

They leave оne by оne. Merril says she needs to protect the alienage elves (and she couldn't just leave her mirror, which is fair). Aveline goes back to lead the guard again. Carver has some Warden mission. Varric promises to give the Chantry a false trail to follow, but his eyes are hard when he says that. Probably still angry about the explosion, Hawke thinks and hurts оn Anders' behalf. 

Anders is still quiet. Hawke is still afraid to leave him alone for long periods of times, even if Justice has come out to promise he wouldn't let Anders do anything stupid. 

They are sitting оn a log, staring into the campfire. There are glimpses of blue in Anders' eyes. Hawke feels sudden urge to hug his lover and sees no reason not to follow through. 

Anders shivers in Hawke's arms. 

"Love, what?" 

"Nothing", — Anders shakes his head, — "just... Sometimes it's still hard to believe you're with me". 

"You won't get rid of me so easily". 

"I don't deserve you". 

Anders' self-deprecation is unbelievable sometimes. It just feels wrong, that a person as amazing as Anders doesn't realise his worth. One of the many reasons to hate the Circles, Hawke thinks bitterly. 

"Love, I'm the оne who doesn't deserve you. You're the bravest, most selfless person I've ever met. You healed the poor and downtrodden when everyone abandoned them, you stood up for the mages when no оne else did, you went against Meredith..." 

"And betrayed your trust in the process". 

"Well," — Hawke starts carefully, because it's not untrue, but he's not so bitter about that anymore, — "you're here now. The оnly оne who stayed with me". 

Anders looks at him with eyes full of hope. 

"I won't repeat my mistake again, I promise. You're stuck with me now. I'm not going anywhere". 

"Good", — Hawke says, relieved, because Anders speaks like he means it. — "I wouldn't have it any other way".

[francesderwent]

i love that you're as obsessed with 2x01 and all its delena content and meanings as i am, and also lowkey surprised that it didn't result in you ever writing a 2x01 damon oneshot.

anon, your lowkey surprise is my command!

* - * - * - * - *

“build calluses, break promises”

Katherine’s lipstick is still smeared in the corner of his mouth.  His fingertips feel cold, wrenched away from her skin; it is too easy to breathe without her hand wrapped around his throat.  He is the sum of all of her parts, subtracted away from him; he’s nothing, because he was only ever her, and now she’s gone.  It happened so fast he barely believes that she was ever there at all; all she left behind was empty spaces and his bleeding heart – and her lipstick, in the corner of his mouth.  He can taste it.  She tastes like death and eternity, like she always has – except, of course, for the one time when she tasted like redemption.

How many times can he learn he was wrong about everything? How many times can the world turn upside down before everything comes unrooted and crashes down on him?

The first revelation was Katherine – her existence, her very self.  The simple fact that there could be something beyond family, beyond Stefan and the duty to protect him – something that would make a man leave his home and strike out on his own, give up everything and everyone he had to be with someone new.  The discovery that she was a vampire, that he could live forever with her – the tragic twist of fate that made him spend one and a half centuries waiting to rescue her – none of it held a candle to the first epiphany which removed himself from the center of his own life and placed her there instead.  Whether she was an orphaned human girl or a monstrous vampire, whether she was arm in arm with him, or waiting for him underground a thousand miles away, she was always true north.  He was faithful to her no matter who she was, no matter where she was, no matter how long he had to wait.

But what does it mean to be faithful to someone who was never faithful to you?  To be faithful to a person who, maybe, never really existed?  He knew, of course he knew, that there were others – Stefan, most prominently.  But she told him the truth, she gained his trust and his love without compelling it, he was sure that meant some part of her heart was his alone – but maybe it only meant he was a sucker, a pitiful mark who would lay his heart bare to be ripped open without having to be tricked and cajoled into it.  He’d long given up on believing in the fairness of the world; there was nothing surprising in the bare lack of a happy ending – but how was he supposed to look at himself, anymore?  If he wasn’t the chosen one, if he wasn’t the heroic prince destined to rescue the princess from her long captivity, pining for her just as she pined for him, then did it make him nothing but a joke?  The constancy of his heart, the strength of his convictions, the willingness to do anything to achieve his ends – what did it make him, if it wasn’t attached to something real, if it couldn’t be offered up and then received by someone?

For days or perhaps weeks, he was unmoored.  No plan, no fate, no soulmate.  No identity except the one derived by his differentiation from Stefan: it’s not a flattering comparison, but Stefan was all he had, “brother” the only remotely positive name he had left.

And then – a sudden beam of sunlight which didn’t burn.  Gravity restored, with a different center.  A new meaning attached to his name, because it was called by someone who saw him.

Elena.

In his worst moments of maudlin humanity, he asks himself when he first loved her.  He doesn’t know.  It could have been as early as the first moment he set eyes on her; as simple as the moment she told him she was sorry, because he lost Katherine too; as ill-timed as the moment she called his name in the tomb and convinced him to come back to the world by saying “please”.  

But he knows, at least, when he first knew that he loved her.  A staircase, a dance, a night spent on the cold basement floor.  Just once, the universe opened up a space near her, and he was able to step into it.  Where once there was only room for Stefan, there was a breathless minute in which anyone could play the hero, and in which Elena didn’t resent him for taking his brother’s place.  She smiled on him with gratitude, and he was permitted to hold her loosely in his arms. Stefan retreated to the shadows, and he got his moment in the sun.

The world was the same as it had always been, but he had a new place in it.  He wouldn’t always play the leading role – and he knew that, of course he did.  But he could step in.  His difference from Stefan was an asset, suddenly; he could offer her things that his righteous brother couldn’t.  So she had Stefan’s devotion and love, and she didn’t need that from him, but his ruthless control, his selfish preference?  These earned him a place at her side, these could be put at her service.  And every now and then she would turn her gaze on him, and he felt like he had a place. He wasn’t Stefan – but he was him and he had his own role, one he didn’t have to compete for.  Stefan had her love – but they had their understanding. Did it entirely fill the hole Katherine left behind?  No. But most of the time he found that being loved second-best by someone who loves truly was better than being loved best by someone who could toss you aside without a second thought.

That is, until he realized that Elena wasn’t holding him in his place – but rather, trying to lift him out of it.  You decided I was worth saving.  She saw him more clearly than anyone, and still she looked at him without pity or disgust and pulled him out of the depths to stand beside her. She saved his life.  She didn’t flinch away when he leaned down to kiss her cheek, and she held his gaze when he looked a question at her.  She held still in her perfection and allowed him in all his unsteady brokenness to kiss her lips.  And then she kissed him back. 

Of all his revelations, his epiphanies, his about-turns – it was the most drastic and world-shaking.  Next to every other spark of light, it was brightest dawn.  He had chosen things to love before.  But now, he was loved, he was chosen.  The world looked as if it had been made brand new.

But it wasn’t a new world.  Wasn’t a new beginning, or a happy ending.  Wasn’t a benediction – wasn’t forgiveness or salvation or love.  

It was Katherine, with a different flavor of lipstick.

He already hates himself for running back to her, but is it any wonder, really?  If she was the source of that moment, then she had to be the answer, didn’t she? Perhaps she was choosing him now, choosing him again to make up for betraying him all those years ago.  It’s all or nothing with her, just as with him – kiss me or kill me – but maybe now it would be all.  But no, that wasn’t true either.  And another worldview comes crashing down: I never loved you…it was always Stefan.  

Never.  Never. 

The truth of it is awfully, cruelly apparent.  It was much more difficult to continue to believe in Katherine’s love than it is to hear it denied with finality.  Because the way she was with him wasn’t love – and he knows that now, doesn’t he?  Katherine never loved him.  Love doesn’t leave; love doesn’t lie; love doesn’t turn its beloved into a monster, no matter how immortal.

No, Katherine never loved him.

But Elena does.

It wasn’t her who kissed him.  She said she wouldn’t have kissed him back.  

But she did save his life.  She does trust him.  She doesn’t look away when he meets her eyes.  She sees his true self even when he tries to hide, she offers comfort when he’s hurting, she would never intentionally cause him pain.  What she has for him – what they have for each other, what’s between them – what else could it be?  What else was their understanding, except the certain knowledge that they loved each other, even though it couldn’t be spoken?

Maybe she’s not ready to face it yet – but she won’t leave him alone like this.  She doesn’t have it in her.  

The thought of Stefan gives him pause only for a second. Stefan can have both of them – he does have both of them – but he can’t have all of both of them. Katherine was all Stefan’s, all along, apparently.  So it’s only fair that part of Elena belong to Damon.  This is the way it’s always been.

He just needs to hear her say it.  He needs reality to reassert itself around her love – he needs the revelation that made his whole life seem to make sense to be true.  If they need to keep a few secrets so that they can express this one truth to each other, so be it.

He buttons his shirt.  If Elena’s going to see him, he has to appear whole.  He licks the last vestige of blood-red lipstick from his mouth.

It’s a new world.  Time to tell some new lies.

[ownworldresident]

Side By Side. Chapter 5: Influence

King Liam x Rayne (MC): With new additions to their family, Rayne and  Liam re-evaluate their relationship dynamic.

Disclaimer: Most  characters are the property of Pixelberry studios. I am just borrowing them and will return them when I am done.

MASTERLIST

“What if you went to them?”

“What do you mean?”

“If you think that the nobles are too scared to come to the wedding after… after the ball, then maybe you could go to them, convince them that we need to stand strong, and that we are stronger than our enemies. A personal visit from the King and the…” Rayne looked at the not-yet-queen, who raised an eyebrow and smirked at her. Swallowing the lump in her throat she continued, looking directly and determinately at the Countess, “and their future queen, that's sure to help” the room was silent when she finished, Constantine considered her words with a frown, Madeline crossed her arms and gave her a searching look, Liam smiled at her warmly, then looked at the others.

“That might work, a show of support, we can unite against the assassins. Show them that Cordonia will not bow to such a threat” considering the King Father’s hostility towards her, he now treated her with respect. Rayne was not sure if that was because she was not going to be queen, because of her significance to Liam, or because of the talk they had had during the engagement tour. It seemed unlikely that he had suddenly decided she was suitable for the court and consultation.

“We would have to push back our wedding darling, that would be tragic” Rayne looked from Madeline’s feigned hurt to Liam’s set jaw and clenched fists and wished she could reach out and touch him but couldn't with these two watching, “I just can't wait to be married to you” the woman came around Liam’s other side and lifted an arm to touch his. She looked at Rayne with an amused expression, and Rayne met her gaze with irritation. It wasn't at Madeline herself perse, it was at the way she was treating Liam and the malcontent that wouldn't get them anywhere. Taking comfort in the fact that she could hopefully help him relax tonight. The not-yet-queen would never care enough for that. Lifting her chin up, she trained confidence back on the Countess, narrowing her gaze in a challenge.

“Whilst I appreciate your anticipation Countess Madeline, Lady Rayne’s suggestion has some merit. If we can bolster the people's faith in the monarchy, then we should do it. Thank you for your insight, Rayne” Constantine nodded to her. It made her uncomfortable when he did not address her with a title.

“Thank you, your Majesty”

“Of course it does, though to be perfectly candid I still do not understand why Lady Rayne is here at all, she is not noble, and the assassination attempt was aimed at the monarchy, not the people” Madeline looked her up and down as though she were sizing her up.

“It is an excellent idea” said Liam finally, we will postpone the wedding to visit each of the noble houses in person, to invite them and to reassure them of our strength” sounding relieved at the prospect of postponing his wedding, Liam smiled at Rayne, then looked to Madeline, “and to answer your question Madeline, the attack targeted Rayne as well. She has just as much of a stake in this as we do” that was a bold statement, she thought, and evidently so did Madeline as she scowled. Clutching the chair in front of her, Rayne closed her eyes as the memory of the ball came back… the lights going out, the armoured man with the gun pointed at her… she grimaced, then breathed deeply and came back to the room.

“A Unity Tour” she said quietly, opening her eyes to see them all looking at her, “that's what you could call it” Liam looked worried, but nodded.

“It’s settled then. Thank you, Rayne”

 The office seemed alien to him when Liam finally returned to it. Three weeks he had given himself to spend with the twins and with Rayne. Rayne might not see it that way, but he knew she was his partner, his soulmate. He knew she was the only woman he had, could, or would ever love and that they were partners in every sense but title. But now he had to get back to this, back from being a father and a partner to be the King of Cordonia. Regardless of her encouragement, it still felt strange to be away from them, where he could miss something.

Unfortunately the flipside was that his workload had piled up in his absence. Some things that he did not trust to Madeline, some things that she refused to do, and some things that could only be completed or approved by him. Letters for consideration of proposals… documents that had been through the council and needed his approval… memos from council and staff and community leaders… things that took time in an everyday capacity and now required long hours. Physical copies were easier to go through, and he would not compromise detail orientation in favour of speed. Some of them contained congratulations to him and Rayne which made him smile, but also made him wish that he was back there with them. Again he reminded himself, he had a responsibility to the people, in addition to Rayne and his children. As soon as he had come in that morning, he had organised the piles of work according to their complexity, time consumption, and urgency, and started working quickly. Every couple of hours his assistant would come in with a fresh cup of coffee, they were his salvation. After a very early start and about six hours making his way through complicated documents the door opened without a knock and Madeline walked in. From the sweetness of her expression he could tell this would be an unpleasant interaction.

“Husband” that opening confirmed it. Liam looked at his watch. Still early.

“Good morning Madeline, what can I do for you? Thank you for working through some of these in my absence”

“You don't need to thank me, Liam. I am the Queen. I take my responsibilities and commitments seriously” Liam put down his pen and leant back in his chair, projecting confidence to outmatch hers. She noticed and narrowed her eyes at him.

“Nevertheless, I appreciate it” he smiled, unphased by her clear intention to overpower him.

“Indeed” she smiled again, “this is something I would like to do for you” she glanced and then gestured to the unattended piles of work on his desk, “I would like to offer a suggestion that would allow you to lessen the burden on yourself of having to split your time between the prince and princess, and your duties as the King. Those responsibilities do not go away just because you have re-prioritised to assist your mistress with your children”

“I am aware of this, Madeline” Liam gritted his teeth and fought to keep his tone diplomatic. It was not worth taking the bait.

“Of course you are Liam, you are the King” she walked towards the documents and opened the first. Liam knew it was a proposal by a lord in a bordering duchy, and the first paragraph was a lengthy congratulations and in support of Rayne. Madeline scowled, which satisfied him, before schooling a warm smile at him a second later, “as such, for the benefit of our people, I have appointed a nanny to help Rayne. I know she will appreciate it, especially since it came from her Queen. If, however, she does not understand, you may have to convince her that it is the best course. Cordonia will suffer without a King, Liam, there is only so much I can do” with increasing difficulty, Liam remained calm and his head clear, a very small, well-practised fake smile on his lips.

“Thank you, Madeline, for your thoughtfulness and generosity, however it was unnecessary. I am perfectly capable, as you see, of splitting my time effectively” he gestured to the work he had done already, more than twice what he would usually achieve by this time and all thoroughly read through with notes and adjustments.

“Liam you have had four coffees this morning. You look as if you haven't slept for days, and if you want to continue this you will remain in that routine. It is unsustainable, my love, and will hurt you” the appearance of hurt was something that Madeline had used before, but he knew it was a ploy. He was compassionate and forgiving by nature and she tried to take advantage of that. Sometimes she succeeded. Not this time.

“Fortunately I do not have to do this long term. It is only until I am caught up on these, and then I will be back to a normal routine. I appreciate your looking out for my wellbeing”

“You know that Rayne needs all the help she can get. She couldn't handle being queen, yes I know about that, and the heirs to the Cordonian throne need to be taught right, starting now” Liam cleared his throat and considered what she had said and presumed, surprised but not concerned that she was aware of the reason she was still queen. Consciously remaining with his back against the back of his seat, he measured his words.

“You cannot judge a woman you do not know, Madeline. Rayne is single most capable person I have ever met. She will help to raise two strong and independent children, who love their family and their country. Of this I have no doubt. Appoint the help if you must, but if she decides to refuse it then please respect that” they locked eyes for a moment, both determined but with her resolve shifting.

“When the time comes to choose, Liam, I hope you remember that I tried to help you” and with that she turned and left. Liam stared at the door for a full five minutes before leaning forward and looking down at his work again. He ran a hand along his forehead and then through his hair and frowned. It would be difficult to focus now.

What he said was the right thing, the right decision. When he got back to Rayne, he would ask what she thought, and if she told him he was ridiculous then he would believe her. More than anyone, even himself, he trusted her.

 Walking into Rayne’s suite was like walking into another world. He could see why Liam preferred it. The King’s apartments were tall and dark and impressive, every vestibule emitting than sense of grandeur as if somehow the King or Queen would need a reminder of their own wealth and rank. This suite was slightly smaller, the ceiling was slightly lower, and the whole place was bright and warm. The sun shining through the open curtains cast natural light into the space he could see and only upon conscious thought did Drake realise that the lights weren’t even on. There was so much love here, it was palpable. He stood in the centre of the main room. Earlier he had walked past Liam’s office and seen him still drowning in documents from the past three weeks, even though he wanted to get back to his family Drake knew his friend was under a lot of pressure to serve his country well. A lot of that pressure, they both knew, came from himself. After a few minutes just observing the room Drake heard voices from an adjoining one.

“I'm sorry Mrs Dayton but I do not need another pair of hands. I am managing just fine”

“Lady Rayne, I have been sent by the Queen, I believe she wished to ease the pressure on yourself, as King Liam is unable to attend with his work” the voices came closer and Rayne stepped in to the living area with a large, older woman with a kind face. Rayne did not see Drake at first. She had Leo in her arms and a calm and friendly expression, with barely a reaction to the news of Madeline’s involvement. Unsure whether to announce himself or stay quiet, he stood still and followed their conversation.

“Please thank Queen Madeline for her thoughtfulness Fay, but I assure you it is superfluous. If I require assistance you can be assured that I will ask for it. And dispense with the ‘Lady,’ just Rayne is fine” noticing Drake standing there awkwardly, Rayne looked surprised, then smiled a little wider and winked. Fay Dayton seemed to struggle with herself a bit. She sighed.

“As you wish La - Rayne” she gave her a short bow, “if ever you should need or want assistance, you have my credentials and contact information”

“Thank you, Fay” Rayne gave her a wide smile, holding Leo close, “I wish you all the best” nodding to the door, Fay seemed to take it as a dismissal.

“And you Lady Rayne. Please give my best to Prince Leo and Princess Evelyn. Good day” and with that she turned and left. As soon as the door closed behind her Rayne let out a huge sigh of relief and turned to smile at Drake.

“Hey Drake” she leant her head against Leo and swayed, and he could see how precious he was to her even if that was all he had ever seen.

“Hey Stevens. What was that about?” he gestured to the door. Though he already had a pretty good idea he wanted to hear it from her. She rolled her eyes.

“Oh nothing. Just our benevolent queen trying to force a nanny down my throat” Drake chuckled.

“That went well I see”

“You seem surprised. Expecting more New York waitress than King Liam’s mistress?” though her accent was still detectable, much like his own it had been changed by her time in Cordonia.

“You know that isn't who you are, right?” hooking his thumbs in his pockets he observed Rayne for her response, frowning at her.

“In my heart? Of course not. But externally…” she sighed again and looked down to her son as Drake saw him lift his head and start crying, “shh baby it's okay, mommy is okay” she patted his back and closed her eyes as she swayed and Leo slowly quieted. Drake smiled, even three weeks in, Rayne looked as confident here as she did when answering to the press, calming the citizens, and charming the nobles. He smiled, but in his mind once again was the again unvoiced question of why she wasn't queen, “there we go, it's okay, go back to sleep” she looked up again, “I know that many people see me at face value. Just the mother-”

“Those are people Madeline has poisoned Rayne it-”

“No listen, please. You know as well as I do that it is good practise to try and understand their misconception. I know that I am more than they say, I do Drake” she spoke firmly as he tried to interrupt, “I know what you are thinking” she gave him a knowing look. That was a look she had given them all the night she met them.

“Then why are you resisting?” Rayne sighed again and looked away and Drake knew he had crossed a line. Again.

“Why do I keep having the same conversation with everyone? The only person who has respected my decision from the beginning is Liam. It is my choice Drake” her voice was raised in her frustration and Leo woke up again, “excuse me” she left the room for a moment, presumably to take Leo to the nursery, he had intentionally come whilst the twins would be sleeping, and Rayne might like company. Though he felt bad for bringing it up yet again, Drake was sure that after enough attempts to convince her would eventually succeed. Already she had done so much for this country… he looked up as she came back in, determined, “it's my choice. I chose to be a mother and to that I hold. I will not fall back on expectations because you think it is the best course. You don't decide for me” she met his gaze unflinching for a moment before he nodded.

“You're right” and stubborn, and brave, and strong willed…  and exhausted, “I'm sorry”

“Thank you” she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm herself, before going over to sit on the arm of one of the lounge chairs, “now, I'm glad you came. I have a question for you” almost immediately he knew what it would be just from her tone.

“I really don't think-”

“Why haven't you asked Olivia out yet?” he stared at her, lost for words, then took her stance.

“Because I choose not to-” no… that will be seen as mocking her… Rayne raised an eyebrow at him, “even if I was interested, there's no way she'd agree” she was coming to the palace in a couple of days, and they had some free time planned. That was all. Rayne rolled her eyes.

“My god Drake grow a pair. She isn't going to agree if you don't actually ask her, and she isn’t going to wait forever” she grinned as he blushed, but he was saved from having to answer her by someone knocking at the door. They both looked to it.

“Expecting anyone?” he asked.

“No. Maybe Liam is back early?” it hurt to hear all of the heart and hope in her voice. Drake knew Liam wouldn't be back any time soon.

“I don't think so, I'll get it” he had a bad feeling about this. There was a knot in his stomach that warned him to be wary. He stood and took a step towards the door, but Rayne put up a hand.

“No Drake. Thanks but I'll get it”

“Stevens I have a bad feeling about this one”

“I know, so do I. I'll be fine” usually he would protest, but the look in her eyes was the same resolve as when he questioned her decision about becoming queen and he nodded, positioning himself so that he would be able to see whoever was there.

Stepping towards the door, Rayne took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and threw it open.

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[themoonlightarchive]

Welcome to this week’s Tuesday TBR! Every week, I’ll be selecting a few books I recently added to my tbr pile (or maybe even some that have been on it for a while) and making a quick post about them. Read below the cut for more details on the books I chose this week!

The Girl in Red (Christina Henry) goodreads | book depository

Goodreads synopsis: “It's not safe for anyone alone in the woods. There are predators that come out at night: critters and coyotes, snakes and wolves. But the woman in the red jacket has no choice. Not since the Crisis came, decimated the population, and sent those who survived fleeing into quarantine camps that serve as breeding grounds for death, destruction, and disease. She is just a woman trying not to get killed in a world that doesn't look anything like the one she grew up in, the one that was perfectly sane and normal and boring until three months ago.There are worse threats in the woods than the things that stalk their prey at night. Sometimes, there are men. Men with dark desires, weak wills, and evil intents. Men in uniform with classified information, deadly secrets, and unforgiving orders. And sometimes, just sometimes, there's something worse than all of the horrible people and vicious beasts combined. Red doesn't like to think of herself as a killer, but she isn't about to let herself get eaten up just because she is a woman alone in the woods....“

Falling for Mr. Wright (Robyn Neeley) goodreads

Goodreads synopsis: “After being dumped two weeks before his wedding, civil engineer Ryan Wright’s not interested in love. Been there, done that, had the wedding deposits to prove it. Still, he can’t help lusting after the fiery redheaded executive assistant who’s stirring up feelings that aren’t exactly appropriate for the office. Sarah Leonard is determined to make the CEO fall in love with her. To execute her plan, she’s going to need a little help in the form of her lunch buddy, the 6’2” office hottie who just so happens to be their boss’s best friend. Who better to tell Sarah everything she needs to know to win the other man’s heart? Ryan agrees to help Sarah put her plan in motion, but he has no intention of helping her win anything. In fact, it’s time to show his office crush that he’s the guy she should be falling for…”

Batter Up (Robyn Neeley) goodreads

Goodreads synopsis: “Bakeshop owner Emma Stevens has a secret. A delicious premonition she shares every Monday evening with the bachelors of Buttermilk Falls as they gather at the Sugar Spoon bakery for Batter Up night. Investigative reporter Jason Levine just found himself as the man candy for a bachelorette party in Las Vegas. Roped into attending the Vegas nuptials, was he hearing things when the groom shares that the only reason he’s getting married is because a small town baker conjured up the name of his soulmate in her cake batter? Sparks fly when Jason tries to expose Emma as a fraud, but reality and logic go out the window as he begins to fall under her spell.”

House of Salt and Sorrows (Erin A. Craig) goodreads | book depository

Goodreads synopsis: “Annaleigh lives a sheltered life at Highmoor, a manor by the sea, with her sisters, their father, and stepmother. Once they were twelve, but loneliness fills the grand halls now that four of the girls' lives have been cut short. Each death was more tragic than the last—the plague, a plummeting fall, a drowning, a slippery plunge—and there are whispers throughout the surrounding villages that the family is cursed by the gods.Disturbed by a series of ghostly visions, Annaleigh becomes increasingly suspicious that the deaths were no accidents. Her sisters have been sneaking out every night to attend glittering balls, dancing until dawn in silk gowns and shimmering slippers, and Annaleigh isn't sure whether to try to stop them or to join their forbidden trysts. Because who—or what—are they really dancing with?When Annaleigh's involvement with a mysterious stranger who has secrets of his own intensifies, it's a race to unravel the darkness that has fallen over her family—before it claims her next.”

Romanov (Nadine Brandes) goodreads | book depository

Goodreads synopsis: “Anastasia “Nastya” Romanov was given a single mission: to smuggle an ancient spell into her suitcase on her way to exile in Siberia. It might be her family’s only salvation. But the leader of the Bolshevik army is after them . . . and he’s hunted Romanov before.Nastya’s only chances of survival are to either release the spell, and deal with the consequences, or enlist help from Zash, the handsome soldier who doesn’t act like the average Bolshevik. Nastya’s never dabbled in magic before, but it doesn’t frighten her as much as her growing attraction for Zash. She likes him. She thinks he might even like her . . .That is, until she’s on one side of a firing squad . . . and he’s on the other.”

Of all these books, I think I’m most excited for The Girl in Red by Christina Henry! I requested a copy from Netgalley and am patiently awaiting an email. I’m excited to read Robyn Neeley’s books because from what I’ve seen, her writing is wonderful. The cover of House of Salt and Sorrow was just too gorgeous to pass up. And then the synopsis reeled me right in. As for Romanov by Nadine Brandes, I have always been incredibly interested in the Romanov family. One of my favourite podcasts - History Girls - has an episode or two about Anatasia. I can’t wait to get my hands on this book! 

What have you recently added to your tbr?

[sometimesrosy]

Crazy Crack Countdown Theory for 100 Series Finale

Y’all, this just popped up in my head. I do not know if this is what is happening, because there are a few more steps I’d need to see happening before I could say it was being set up, but only like, another five steps, some of which already seem on the table.

Okay it’s based on the Return To Earth theory I made about them going from Sanctum, back to Earth in order to be responsible for their monster and fix what humanity did to the planet. 

Since s6 and the anomaly, I’ve begun to think that they’ll use the anomaly’s time abilities to possibly travel back in time and stop the original apocalypse in Diyoza/Russel/Becca’s time line. 

And then I saw a gifset about Murphy, when Josephine threatens his life and for some reason, the two concepts got connected. So, under the jump I’m just going to post the convo I had with a friend as it occurred to me. 

R oh. gosh i hope murphy lives. sorry he just went up on my deathwatch because i saw a gifset with josie threatening him at the field

S Say what now? No it’s fine I need a change of subject Why did he go up on your deathwatch list?

R j offered them two choices. stay friends or lose murphy in a doomed attempt to save clarke and start a war with russell. i’m like but those aren’t their choices. they can save clarke and beat the primes… and then i realized that WAS her choice. save clarke lose murphy start a war. i mean we can want to save murphy, but if they’re picking impossible choices… thats the one they’re going with. D:

they can change it. but…. S I see what you mean Sighs I mean Murphy tried to point out to Emori what Clarke has done but Emori knows that’s not a justification She isn’t just a lone survivor anymore And it’s not just survival they’re fighting for now They want to live Survival is in their blood now But the drive to live really live not the way Josephine and the primes knows it is far more powerful than anything to be with the people you care about and love because they don’t have immortality It’s why I know Josephine will ultimately lose She’s up against two people who love each other down to their bones R well josephine is losing but will murphy grow enough? that’s the question? will he turn to LIVING instead of surviving? It looks like he’s trying to. S I think after seeing Emori do what she did opened his eyes enough Enough to see what he’s losing trying to chase immortality R and clarke being alive. i do think he cares you know my theory that maybe they return to earth and fix the apocalypse? and someone said that means they could die to do it? that could work. especially if they slowly lose all their people to do it. until in the end it’s just them, the two, saving humanity, after losing their whole world and their family. POOF. reboot. this could start JR’s spinoff, as they try to AVOID an apocalypse in the future. S Who Bellamy and Clarke? R tragic, epic love story. about two heroes who saved the universe and lost their world. no they die when they fix the universe. if murphy dies, then i say we’re starting to get a countdown with ALL the delinquents dying. leaving bellarke the last ones alive S Sighs I really hope the show doesn’t end with bellarke dead Or everyone dead R to sacrifice themselves for the salvation of the universe. I actually would be okay if it happened that way. the story is satisfying no happy ever after, but happy until they die, like emori said S Oh you mean they just live in the past losing everyone but living to save the universe? Okay that I can get on board with R no i mean they sacrifice themselves after the delinquents have sacrificed THEMselves and in the end, the original apocalypse is averted. which leads to a spinoff where different characters try to stop the apocalypse. that hasn’t happened and may never happen. because of clarke and bellamy. who are mythic heroes. idk maybe they become a constellation. “the head and the heart.” lol. i don’t know if this is where he’s going but it could bittersweet victory, as always. S I’m kinda just hoping for an ending where at least some people live I don’t really have any other wishes outside that R sure. but that’s not really epic is it? or tragic? idk. what if they GET happiness, in season 7. and then sacrifice themselves to save humanity. i don’t know if they will go there, but things i’m watching out for: murphy dying, time travel anomaly, bellarke canon and established relationship, return to earth. S If they could get happiness before then I could get on board I just need a bit of happiness R that’s what i’m saying. canon established happy soulmate romantic bellarke in season 7 would lead to them sacrificing themselves TOGETHER to save humanity from the apocalypse and all that trauma happening to everyone. bittersweet, epic soulmates love story, victorious, and tragic at once. S That’s a story id go with R devastating but satisfying. he would totally do that S He so would R it would be EPIC. fandom would FLIP OUT. I WOULD LOVE IT ugh now i want it. i mean maybe they go back and save the universe without dying, but i wouldn’t want their story to fade out. UNLESS they got to live as hermits in a peaceful non apocalypse world like marper (which could also happen.) marper offers the foreshadowing. but alone… so everyone else dying??? ugh S I think they’d retire from saving the world if they lived R yes omg i want them to return to earth and stop the apocalypse S Bellamy and Clarke in modern earth Ha they wouldn’t know what to do with it R this would fit with JR’s original idea to end the series with hope, but not sure if hope for everyone else but not our heroes. Either/or ending. save humanity and live out alone and unkown happily ever after, or save humanity and die in the sacrifice. if they take marpers lessons, they should get a HEA. But dying would be more epic. there’s only 4 delnquents left after bellamy and clarke. we may have already started the countdown. derp. we did. from the pilot. shit. it’s a countdown. the 100. last episode. Zero. S Oh lord the next 5 episodes are gonna tell us if you’re on the mark or not I know it R oh my god i’m scared S It’s okay we will experience this together R the last episode. the 100th episode. oh shit

S WE ARE NOT ALONE

R you get my theories first because sometimes they just come to me. oh shit. they are not safe. none of them. they are fated to die. everyone can die? no. everyone WILL die. oh shit WAIT. if it is a countdown. THey have 102. that DOES leave bellamy and clarke alive

S I DONT KNOW R or not S, ITS A COUNTDOWN!!!! i feel like jeff goldblum in independence day. ITS A COUNTDOWN!!! S Bloody hell R am i wrong? am i going crazy? S I need to think they started with 102 R up in the air. S They are down to 5 Octavia Bellamy raven Murphy and Clarke R 100 minus clarke and bellamy MILLER S OH SHIT MILLEE Miller

R why spend so much time on murphy’s story and not raven’s in s5 and 6? because murphy is dying and raven will be around for the final season. i predict raven and octavia. the head, the heart, the soul and the hands. CRAP S WE ARE GOING TO DIE It makes sense shit

[sometimesrosy]

So you’re not a fan of the “we’ll be together in death” thing? I’m curious why. I have no big opinions but like I could see those being Octavia’s final words whenever she goes “I get to see Lincoln again” or something to that effect.

NOOOoooooooOOoooo.

Because this idea that you are incomplete without someone is toxic. We get to come back. We get to exist on our own terms without a romantic partner. Love comes in a million flavors. Not just romantic. 

BUT i can understand the drama and tragedy of that story trope, so like, I can get over my own personal distaste for what that says about love and about the worth of a human being.  And yeah, having her feel like she was reunited with the lost part of herself would be nice. Having Octavia made whole again. Again, I don’t like that soulmates trope of people being incomplete without their love, and I think they are ACTIVELY pushing against it with Clarke and Bellamy as they make DAMN sure each of them is complete without each other… but maybe that’s the difference between a tragic lovestory like Linctavia and one that is leading towards a happy ending, like Bellarke. 

Maybe the biggest tragedy of Linctavia is what happened to Octavia when she lost him, how she couldn’t be complete, couldn’t find herself again, couldn’t stabilize. And maybe part of that is because of where she came from, unsocializied, trapped and terrified, the girl under the floor. And maybe… uh oh… y’all realize don’t you, that the butterfly is not just about pretty things, but is a symbol for death and rebirth and transformation, and particularly a higher transformation into the spirit. Then having her poster look like Jesus imagery and her part in the Trinity also being “the son,” and the son being the martyr. And then her rising up into the light when they opened the bunker. yeah. It’s all pointing to O. But if she martyrs herself for the salvation of her people, she gets a redemption there. (also it would be the redemption that the last Heda did not complete) and if she is then reunited with Lincoln in death she would get a *sort* of happy ending for her love story. 

sigh. it’s a tough story line, but if done right could be exquisitely painful and beautiful and meaningful.  As I look back over Octavia’s whole story from the beginning, I’m definitely seeing a tragic story. Maybe she is a YA heroine, but from one of those terribly sad YA books.