#they are the most unanimous i have ever seen

[liu-yu-xin]

@lesser-vissir hey coming on the post of a chinese person and accusing them of lying on the internet for fun and then blocking them is crazy and u are obviously fucked in the head but i wanted to respond to this bc u seem really ill informed and this is a serious topic.

lets not have a mid off between these two fuckass countries who love exploiting their working class. im not suggesting the US has good labour laws my post was simply relaying what ive seen chinese ppl in china say and comment in the past week and i dont think they genuinely believe americans workers have it much better than they do either because theyre not stupid. And whether or not american workers get christmas off is not the point the video couldve just as easily been about british workers or swedish workers its just a comedic way to express their frustration at this new policy but more importantly their frustration at not being able to resist this policy in any way that the law even pretends to protect (protests, striking, etc). They envy that western workers can push back against infringements on important cultural holidays in ways that chinese workers objectively cannot (including something as simple as going online and telling their president to go die for taking their day off. Which i think should be a human right). and why shouldnt chinese workers look at western countries, esp european ones, who live comfortably in the spoils of colonialism and materially have better worker protection and want that for themselves?? Why shouldnt chinese 996 white collar workers be upset when they see a german worker with the same job get paid 50x more for less hours. And why shouldnt chinese blue collar workers want a working OSHA equivalent and strict construction policies with mandated insurance and liens to protect their safety and pay. And in terms of this specific policy of removing chinese new years eve as a holiday the govt DOESNT mandate holiday pay and just "encourages" companies to give holiday pay which chinese ppl know is an invitation for their bosses to exploit them for that extra day. which is a main point of anger. And also Christmas is a bank holiday in most western countries white collar workers definitely get the day off. maybe not service workers but neither do chinese service workers during Chinese new years or their labour day. I dont think ppl should overly vilify the chinese govt but dont swing too hard the other way either the chinese govt doesnt care any more or less about their working class than the US govt cares about the american working class. and i think it could be dangerous to believe that chinese workers are better protected than they actually are the whole point of this is worker solidarity and realizing we're not that different its not an oppression olympic.

Chinese ppl are also saying that american unions would never let the govt take away their workers holidays... the fact that chinese workers are looking at american unions in envy bc they feel that even AMERICAN unions do more for workers than their unions is soooo depressing like i dont think ppl realize how deeply capitalist china is in everything but name they are just as capitalist as everyone else but with even worse worker protections the function of most chinese unions now is just so they can embezzle money and prevent actual unions from forming bc they can say well you already have one 🤷‍♀️ its fucked workers of the world are really all in this tgt

[emblemxeno]

I think another reason why I'm of the opinion that 3H's writing falls flat due to superfluous exposition, is that... it actually does what I think is great gameplay-story integration.

And that's the character paralogues!

Every character has a paralogue which ties their personalities and backstories into that mission's plot, without exception. Certain gameplay elements are also introduced to suit why the characters are doing what they're doing in those missions.

They're not flawless of course (map reusal is a bitch), but they are nonetheless stellar ways to tie in the characters to their world.

So what's the issue? The problem then becomes, why the hell is there so much else then?

I'm not advocating for everything else to be cut or for character backstory/development centered supports to be shelved, of course. But when you have paralogues-missions that are very well crafted to engage the player in the game flow and the writing simultaneously-why do the characters reveal the same things and go through similar developments in other places, like supports, the monastery, sometimes even in story as well?

Because you can miss out on paralogues? Well this game makes it so you can skip the monastery, supports can get locked if you don't do them in time, and those sparse story moments don't exist if the side character dies. There's no functional reason why you need multiple avenues to dive into the same few character plotlines, especially when one method does it consistently better and more involved than the others.

And logically or writing wise, there's even less of a reason other than they really wanna make sure you know these characters really well. Which is in no way bad of course, it's great to make a cast that you're proud of and want people to fall in love with every aspect of each of them. But there's nudging your audience to a position, and then there's outright making the line between player control/influence/preference and authorial intent too blurry.

Inevitably yeah, people did love this cast. That's why 3H is so popular and why their characters rank so highly in polls. But I reiterate from previous posts: 3H doesn't do anything special that previous FE games didn't as well. The cast isn't particularly deeper than most FE casts on average, nor is its world/story writing any more impressive. There's just more of it being delivered and put in your face than normal. And because many finer details unique to 3H's plot construction end up irrelevant (or outright contradictory to the main plot when thought about for too long), most of what's pushed is the character writing and backstories and Fodlan's primary backdrop... over and over and over again.

To me, that becomes tedious and ironically makes me care less for the world as I find incessant need to reiterate major aspects of the story near verbatim to be artificial and suffocating. But I'm not most people, and I can't fault others for finding great joy in it. I just thoroughly hope that the gameplay-story interaction is taken as priority like it was with Engage for future FE games, because these are still video games at the end of the day. When your game is being talked/argued about more than it's actually being played (for reasons that don't specifically have to do with archaic design elements as a result of its age)... shouldn't that be seen as a bad sign in the eyes of a video game designer?

[kill-vonkarma-again]

i wish people took video games/especially the nintendo ds seriously as mediums for art because shu takumi would be one of the most renowned authors and artists of this century if they did

[wilwheaton]

Musk hasn’t been confirmed by Congress. His “department” was never authorized by Congress. No one other than Trump has given Musk any authority. No one knows exactly who Musk’s goons are; they have not been vetted yet are handling some of the most sensitive personal information in the government. Not even Trump has the authority to stop your Social Security payments, let alone your Medicare or Medicaid or unemployment insurance or your food stamp benefits. Yet Musk and his goon squad assert they’re able to do so if they believe those payments are illegal. Musk boasted on his social media site X that he was “rapidly shutting down . . . illegal payments.” But who is Musk to decide that a payment is illegal?

Why the world's richest man is messing with your religion, your Social Security and everything else

I realize Democrats are out of power and can’t do much with legislation to stop this. 

I also realize this all happened in 3 days and appears to have caught them flatfooted (though I struggle to accept that nobody knew this was going to happen -- DC leaks like wet cheesecloth).

Okay. So what can they do?

Off the top of my head:

1. Members of Congress get the the bus and go to one of these agencies where Musk and his unvetted goons are installing rootkits, stealing our private information, and breaking the law. Tell the press they’re going to be there, and make a whole lot of noise. Force media to pay attention to this.

2. Stop everything in Congress. No unanimous consent, no approval of nominees, absolutely no help. Republicans uniformly opposed President Obama’s popular agenda, it shouldn’t be this difficult for Democrats to uniformly oppose Trump’s unpopular agenda.

3. File lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit. Force them into court to defend and justify their plainly illegal actions. Force them to defy judges. Force them to take this all the way to the corrupt SCOTUS.

4. Trump and Musk are weak little boys with fragile egos and this unholy alliance will eventually fracture. Speed that up by talking a whole lot about President Musk.

5. Tell Chuck Schumer to shut the fuck up forever for a minute because his communications team is maybe the worst I have ever seen in my adult life.

I don‘t know that any of these things will actually stop this attack on America from these fascist scumbags, but I am pretty confident it will force the national conversation to be about the coup that was accelerated this weekend, instead of the fucking Grammys.

[fans4wga]

"The studios thought they could handle a strike. They might end up sparking a revolution"

by Mary McNamara

"If you want to start a revolution, tell your workers you’d rather see them lose their homes than offer them fair wages. Then lecture them about how their “unrealistic” demands are “disruptive” to the industry, not to mention disturbing your revels at Versailles, er, Sun Valley.

Honestly, watching the studios turn one strike into two makes you wonder whether any of their executives have ever seen a movie or watched a television show. Scenes of rich overlords sipping Champagne and acting irritated while the crowd howls for bread rarely end well for the Champagne sippers.

This spring, it sometimes seemed like the Hollywood studios represented by the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers were actively itching for a writers’ strike. Speculations about why, exactly, ran the gamut: Perhaps it would save a little money in the short run and show the Writers Guild of America (perceived as cocky after its recent ability to force agents out of the packaging business) who’s boss.

More obviously, it might secure the least costly compromise on issues like residuals payments and transparency about viewership.

But the 20,000 members of the WGA are not the only people who, having had their lives and livelihoods upended by the streaming model, want fair pay and assurances about the use of artificial intelligence, among other sticking points. The 160,000 members of the Screen Actors Guild-American Federation of Television and Radio Artists share many of the writers’ concerns. And recent unforced errors by studio executives, named and anonymous, have suddenly transformed a fight the studios were spoiling for into a public relations war they cannot win.

Even as SAG-AFTRA representatives were seeing a majority of their demands rejected despite a nearly unanimous strike vote, a Deadline story quoted unnamed executives detailing a strategy to bleed striking writers until they come crawling back.

Days later, when an actors’ strike seemed imminent, Disney Chief Executive Bob Iger took time away from the Sun Valley Conference in Idaho not to offer compromise but to lecture. He told CNBC’s David Faber that the unions’ refusal to help out the studios by taking a lesser deal is “very disturbing to me.”

“There’s a level of expectation that they have that is just not realistic,” Iger said. “And they are adding to the set of the challenges that this business is already facing that is, quite frankly, very disruptive.”

If Iger thought his attempt to exec-splain the situation would make actors think twice about walking out, he was very much mistaken. Instead, he handed SAG-AFTRA President Fran Drescher the perfect opportunity for the kind of speech usually shouted atop the barricades.

“We are the victims here,” she said Thursday, marking the start of the actors’ strike. “We are being victimized by a very greedy entity. I am shocked by the way the people that we have been in business with are treating us. I cannot believe it, quite frankly: How far apart we are on so many things. How they plead poverty, that they’re losing money left and right, when giving hundreds of millions of dollars to their CEOs. It is disgusting. Shame on them. They stand on the wrong side of history at this very moment.”

Cue the cascading strings of “Les Mis,” bolstered by images of the most famous people on the planet walking out in solidarity: the cast of “Oppenheimer” leaving the film’s London premiere; the writers and cast of “The X-Files” reuniting on the picket line.

A few days later, Barry Diller, chairman and senior executive of IAC and Expedia Group and a former Hollywood studio chief, suggested that studio executives and top-earning actors take a 25% pay cut to bring a quick end to the strikes and help prevent “the collapse of the entire industry.”

When Diller is telling executives to take a pay cut to avoid destroying their industry, it is no longer a strike, or even two strikes. It is a last-ditch attempt to prevent le déluge.

Yes, during the 2007-08 writers’ strike, picketers yelled noncomplimentary things at executives as they entered their respective lots. (“What you earnin’, Chernin?” was popular at Fox, where Peter Chernin was chairman and chief executive.) But that was before social media made everything more immediate, incendiary and personal. (Even if they have never seen a movie or TV show, one would think that people heading up media companies would understand how media actually work.)

Even at the most heated moments of the last writers’ strike, executives like Chernin and Iger were seen as people who could be reasoned with — in part because most of the executives were running studios, not conglomerations, but mostly because the pay gap between executives and workers, in Hollywood and across the country, had not yet widened to the reprehensible chasm it has since.

Now, the massive eight- and nine-figure salaries of studio heads alongside photos of pitiably small residual checks are paraded across legacy and social media like historical illustrations of monarchs growing fat as their people starve. Proof that, no matter how loudly the studios claim otherwise, there is plenty of money to go around.

Topping that list is Warner Bros. Discovery Chief Executive Davd Zaslav. Having re-named HBO Max just Max and made cuts to the beloved Turner Classic Movies, among other unpopular moves, Zaslav has become a symbol of the cold-hearted, highly compensated executive that the writers and actors are railing against.

The ferocious criticism of individual executives’ salaries has placed Hollywood’s labor conflict at the center of the conversation about growing wealth disparities in the U.S., which stokes, if not causes, much of this country’s political divisions. It also strengthens the solidarity among the WGA and SAG-AFTRA and with other groups, from hotel workers to UPS employees, in the midst of disputes during what’s been called a “hot labor summer.”

Unfortunately, the heightened antagonism between studio executives and union members also appears to leave little room for the kind of one-on-one negotiation that helped end the 2007-08 writers’ strike. Iger’s provocative statement, and the backlash it provoked, would seem to eliminate him as a potential elder statesman who could work with both sides to help broker a deal.

Absent Diller and his “cut your damn salaries” plan, there are few Hollywood figures with the kind of experience, reputation and relationships to fill the vacuum.

At this point, the only real solution has been offered by actor Mark Ruffalo, who recently suggested that workers seize the means of production by getting back into the indie business, which is difficult to imagine and not much help for those working in television.

It’s the AMPTP that needs to heed Iger’s admonishment. At a time when the entertainment industry is going through so much disruption, two strikes is the last thing anyone needs, especially when the solution is so simple. If the studios don’t want a full-blown revolution on their hands, they’d be smart to give members of the WGA and SAG-AFTRA contracts they can live with."

[screamsilas]

@ii-neg-confessions is really stupid

IMPORTANT UPDATE!; @II-NEG-CONFESSIONS IS BANNED (on tumblr)!! ALL CAN REJOICE!!!!!

@ii-neg-confessions is kind of what it sounds like, a blog about inanimate insanity to spread hate and negativity and I feel like people shouldn't be so open to absorbing hate all the time

I wrote a better worded version on my phone but the drafts thing apparently doesn't work so take this kind of lazy one instead cause I don't really wanna spend any more of my time on this earth trashing an admin on a confessions blog who most should know is just a negative nancy hater who needs to get off they damn phone

time to "see through the bullshit" and "simply call out this bullshit" instead of "mindlessly consuming slop and following the herd"! /quoting their blog

also if you are gonna say "ohh don't give them them attention that's what they want" hold that thought cause this post isn't FOR them, its to educate ABOUT them and show people they're stupid. Its your choice if you wanna block them. Also, this is my space to criticize whatever I want, block whoever I want, etc. so I'm gonna post this rant here and let people act under their discretion.

anyways more under the cut

update on 12/09/24; rephrased/added context to some stuff in the Adam Katz segment.

update on 12/09/24; added a funny thing at the very end of the post.

update on 12/10/24; removed Adam Katz segment for correcting and editing.

[removed temporarily]

This is one of those things that when I read it I audibly said " are you fucking serious" cause truthfully I don't think they are being serious here.

To make fun of people that are POSITIVE? you actually must be absolutely MISERABLE to make a whole word to try and describe people who are positive in a negative light. I don't have much else to say here other than they must be genuinely sad with their life to do this.

small bomb break just to preface something

I'm not gonna go into their blog and criticize every word they have ever said, because I simply don't want to, but feel free to add onto this in the comments or re-blogs, cause I think its important to acknowledge this person and see them for who they are... and act accordingly of course.

anywayyy...

death threats (I'm gonna talk about that)

I've seen a lot of the OSC unanimously say that Mil has sent death threats to the II crew which I believe is true considering their overwhelmingly negative behavior and opinions towards most people who like ii/the crew themselves. I wanna of course start by saying that (as obvious as it should be) DEATH THREATS ARE NEVER OKAY! In some places in the world, even online they can be ILLEGAL!!! Its never okay to tell someone that you are gonna kill them, or that they should kill themselves, no matter how bad you think their YouTube show is, or how true you think your preconceived notions about peoples life or political stances are, death threats of any sort? NEVER OKAY! The fact that they went out of their way and spent that time (and most of their time) blatantly hating on this thing that was never about or for them is really disgusting.

Some more stuff I wanna say (in bullet point form!)

I never will say that I don't think its okay to have negative opinions or state said opinions, but from what I can see from this entire blog, its more than that. Its more than sharing criticism, its spreading hate about something a lot of people hold dear to them for no other reason then the fact that you hold hate in your heart

I'm pretty aware that Mil has some issues, whether that be relationship, familial... its none of my business. If she's reading this, just know there are people who can help, help is always available to you.

for a blog that's all for "seeing the truth" you really love to delete everything you don't agree with (even if its negative)

using art and not taking it down even after asked to is really rude, everyone should know that.. well except for Mil, who still has the post up

people calling everything that is appealing to the audience "fanservice" is so stupid is that the only word you know? do you only know how to use buzzer words to catch your audience instead of giving genuine points?

I was gonna say some more but I got distracted, and also I'm already sick of their shit so

okay bye bye!

p.s. ; a hefty handful of screenshots I didn't wanna write a whole paragraph saying they're shit to

this one is just sad to read like who hurt you

blatantly threatening a hack against AE's channel (also illegal)

shit like this makes me believe that this account is ragebait

more "posies" talk (makes me giggle)

looking pretty defensive to me (definitely a dream stan)

self indulgent insert but uh maybe its cause cobs is in the show hmm idk maybe though

death threats arent okay even if mil sent them to others (it will only repeat the cycle)

this is just funny to me, the ii crew has gone back and deleted scenes that aren't good, they have said they were young at the time and they are growing and changing people and apologized for what they did, what else do you want? do you want them to beg for forgiveness at your shoes?? you're fucking weird.

""digital footprint" isn't real" says a lot

what do you mean?? they're hating WITH YOU!!!! just because they can see good in the show doesn't mean they're corny! full post here

maybe because the songs are... musical inspired... maybe you just hate fun... (they literally say they do what am I talking about)

hating for no reason again (and ignoring everything anon said except for the thing that caught their eye; hatred)

okay I'm done, Mil is exhausting, @ii-neg-confessions is exhausting, I'm forever a "posie" I guess

if you read this far also... hi! thank you for reading all of this and educating yourself! remember that despite their hatred, there's still lots of love and care in this world and you deserve the most of it! please get some water and a snack, and have a wonderful day!! <3

okay that's my rant bye

p.s.

stop following me, mil

[takes1]

final part. bratty tsukishima x manager!reader enemies to lovers

thank you for all the kind words on this series!! fell in love with writing again and the support really helps me stay motivated! hit up my requests to lmk what else ya'll might wanna read from me!

warnings. heavy nsfw. minors DNI

details. nsfw / semi-public sex / safe sex! / m. first time / implied exp. reader / f. receiving oral / almost m. oral / mentioned handjobs / time skip / tsukki has horrible stamina / tsukki figuring out condoms / tsukki needing his glasses / needyshima / 3.5k

🤍 kei series. part one -- four here

more links. my ao3, my other stuff. request box

"What? You don't have to do that!"

Honored that the team as a unanimous entity agreed that you shouldn't clean and lock up the gym yourself, you blinked away the unexpected backlash.

You turned to Daichi, unable to buck up the courage to address everyone, "It's really not a big deal. You guys need to rest before this thing, I want all of you to get home as soon as you can."

He turned it over in his head a few times, looking to Suga for a second opinion, while most others insisted that they didn't want you staying longer.

They all had their personal reasons. Most were only doing it to be polite, but there were also a number of idiots that wanted to train for much longer than they should be allowed to.

Logic won out and soon you were twirling the keys around your finger, waving goodbye to the most disheartened Hinata you'd ever seen.

"You can come out," You called to Tsukishima after securing the closed doors.

He blended right out of the crowd earlier, sneaking off to the gym closet before anyone noticed his absence. It was pretty impressive how he managed to go so overlooked at his height.

From the clacking and banging that ensued beyond the closet entrance, you could only imagine he must've buried himself under some tricky supplies to remain hidden.

These desperate measures weren't commonplace; your parents were gone often, so most of the risque endeavors were kept to your bed. You made the mistake of going to his house only once, and thankfully were (mostly) clothed when his brother barged in.

When you approached, he was kicking a bucket off of his foot with the grumpiest frown on his face. It only deepened as you laughed at him.

"Ooh, was that tough?" You teased, taking his attitude-stricken face in your hands.

He rolled his eyes and let you pepper him with a few quick kisses.

"It was your idea," You reminded him, trying to make him maintain eye contact.

Neither of your homes had been a good option to see each other in lately. For a week, it was just studying together in public spaces. Though the normalcy was nice, you were both itching after the end of every practice to really 'see' each other.

His eyes flickered to match your gaze, but it was gone in an instant because he stole your lips for a gentle, long-awaited kiss. His body melted into yours, features relaxed when you pulled away.

He let you pull him back deeper into the closet, but not without some payment in return. It wasn't exactly a sexy place to be.

"This is-," You said between rushed, indecent kisses, "Pretty exciting," Your hand caught on a pile of heavy gymnastics mats to catch yourself from his clumsy pushing, "Isn't it?"

The presence of the mat did give him some ideas. Maybe it wasn't so bad.

With a bit of tantalizing force, he picked you up and smushed you against the only bare wall in the closet. Your tummy tightened and you locked around him with an uncontrollable moan.

There were a lot of things he thought to say, but didn't dare ruin how hot that was with his, at the worst of times, mood-ruining comments.

You nonverbally thanked him with a roll of your hips on his strained cock and a bold tongue against his own. He felt heavier on you, clawing at your ass under your shorts, a low groan just barely tangible against your mouth.

His tendency to get lost in these small things held the romantic in you captive- while also tending to your more animalistic impulses.

He just wanted more and more of you, and couldn't ever get enough.

It was because of this that you found it so difficult to wriggle out of his grasp, even though it was clear you were trying to take your shirt off.

You chuckled at his uncoordinated grabbing, nuzzling against your hair, and eventual drop to his knees when you unclipped your bra.

On his way down, he removed his soaked shirt off and cast it aside.

From this height he could offer his hands and mouth much easier. He never envied shorter men until he started getting neck pain from kissing you all the time.

His hands took up so much of your chest it looked a bit funny to you. At least for a moment. He pressed the flat of his tongue to a sensitive bud and sighed some preoccupied satisfaction through his nose when he sucked a kiss to the other.

His eyes were fierce and hard to look at when he was ever beneath you, it always sent a chill down your spine.

You bit back many a-sound to not let it all go to his ego too quickly. Despite this, he felt your excitement through your rapid, uneven breathing and relished in it anyway.

The imaginative idea of being on his knees was new to you-- and it gave you a good opportunity to introduce a growing interest of yours.

He was of course grumpy to be directed back up to stand.

It came out mostly in the form of his arms catching you before you could replace him on the floor.

"What- What are you doing?" His cool demeanor failed horribly.

You craved to see the way he got all huffy and sensitive again at your touch. The furthest you'd gotten so far regarding his pleasure were two brief hand jobs.

A gentle, yet firm rub of your palm on his clothed erection eased his doubt. His hold twitched into something softer and his chest puffed out.

"Relax, Tsukki," You cooed with a small peck to his jaw, "I just wanna try something."

He had horrible stamina, it felt quite complimentary to your abilities. You wanted to see how long he'd last when you were actually trying. He slowly allowed you the freedom to drop down to your knees.

There was just one problem.

He was so far away in this position. Not even just his head, which really did look like it was a mile up- but his hips were not where they needed to be.

His legs took up so much of his height, you were shocked to just now be noticing.

Confused, yet determined to make this work, you tugged on him.

"I'm... not squatting," Tsukishima bit back the humor bubbling beneath the surface just for you.

He watched you glance around the room for anything to put under your knees. A bit disinterested in finishing too quickly, he didn't allow you much time to think beyond a few more unproductive seconds.

"Probably for the best," He muttered, brought you up to stand, and glanced over your impossibly cute disappointment, "'M too sweaty for that."

It was a fair reason to be hesitant, but did nothing to ease your dismay. It was short-lived though, because his fingers flitting over your ribs gave a new intensity to your better-hidden desire.

He stepped between your legs and leaned forward, forcing you to take a stumbly step back. The back of your knees hit the heavy stack of training mats and left you no option but to sit.

For all you knew, his excuse could've been a clever cover-up to get to his preferred method of foreplay.

If there was anything he picked up the best from your weeks of scattered and fervent physical rendezvous, it was eating you out. The pride of making you cum on his tongue completely consumed him for the days following.

It was so strong at practice that Kageyama would often identify his newfound, difficult confidence in a series of angry disputes.

"You should lay down," Heavy-lidded eyes flickered over that validating look on your face that told him you just couldn't wait to be under his skilled tongue.

You fell into a rhythm whenever his courage found him again; once he believed he was good at something, he put 100% of his effort into it. This was, to your delight, one of those lucky instances.

Warm, wet, rushed kisses over your tummy preceded the skilled and subtle slide of your shorts and panties to the floor.

He knew what you liked. A rough grip around your thighs and a gentle, teasing kiss over your sex.

"So wetalready," He mumbled against you, prepping you for that addictive slide of his tongue from your entrance to your clit.

"A-ah," You failed to bite back a broken sound.

A combination of embarrassment to eclipsing pleasure left your thighs flexing against his grasp.

At the foreign feeling of something a bit hard, a bit uncomfortable, you realized--

"You're-- mmn-, glasses," You tried to communicate.

Completely deaf and unconcerned with the process or any words that didn't express how good he felt, he let your shaky, clumsy hand remove them.

He knew how to be just cocky enough to make you squirm. This gentle, endearing action inspired him to start swirling some soft circles around your clit.

"God," You choked, "That's soo fucking good..."

You rested them next to you and opted for your fingers in his fluffy blond hair.

It did help him, though. He felt them getting a bit crooked when he started, but didn't want to let you go and interrupt his flow. Now he could lean more freely.

Another rough kiss and your body curled in response- he kept your thighs, despite their straining, where he wanted them.

"Mm-!" You whined at his strength and tenderness all at once. Your mind couldn't help but wonder how that translated to his cock.

It must've been tough, since most of your bedroom activities centered around making out, eating you out once he fell in love with it, and the couple of times you made him cum with just your hand in record time.

Little to your knowledge, he was committing your visits to memory by getting off before and after. Not to mention nearly every morning now, and after the practices you couldn't be with him after. It was a pretty chronic addiction.

He lapped up the excess wet and used it as extra, completely unnecessary lubrication for his gentle, steady assault on you.

It edged you so close to finishing you had to tug him up by the roots.

"Tsukki- a-ah, I'm-,"

His chin dripped in lewd clear, his eyes bordering on mean how he squinted (blind) up at your interruption.

Ohh, fuck.

Despite hating the premature ending, even his contentious personality couldn't deny that pouty, needy expression on such a pretty face.

He only had a moment to wipe off the drool, amongst other substances, from his chin, as you pulled him in.

"I need you- so bad," You begged between hot kisses and his preferential taste for sucking just under your ear.

You heard him quite clearly stop breathing for a moment.

"Yeah?" He rasped, hardly a trace of brown in his sparkling eyes. The generous bulge prodding against you from his athletic shorts was a welcome challenge.

His body weighed on you as he smashed his lips into yours, clumsy and enthusiastic and wanton. Your legs wrapped around his waist and stirred a shaky groan from his throat.

That vivid print crammed against your pussy gave you a very bleak, disheartening reminder.

Your brow furrowed and you pushed a bit on his chest.

Highly sensitive to this small act of rejection, he took nearly all of his weight off of you at once.

Quick on the uptake though, you explained, "I-, I really do want you, it's just- I'm not comfortable doing this without a condom."

The epic battle playing in his head halted at once.

His eyes lit up wide, but his voice was as flat as usual, "I have one."

Confusion, relief, and chiefly the excitement between your legs took over all at once.

You laughed, leaning up to give him a smiley, lustful kiss, "Since when are you so optimistic?"

He returned it with an ardent, brief passion and tore himself away to collect his wallet from the floor. There was no extra inflection nor amorous implication to his words as he responded.

"Since you."

In a way, it almost sobered you up. The matter-of-fact statement was somehow new and old news, but hearing him declare it, instead of a mere suggestion, built a bridge you didn't realize you were still missing.

You got up to a kneel on the mats and pulled him in for a softer and appreciative kiss. He wore a little confused smile when you pulled away, but didn't question you.

Between you was the condom pinched between his index and middle finger. The thumb on his other hand was hooked under his waistband.

"Can you-," He looked away from you, bashful with a cute frown.

"Show you?"

A tiny nod.

There was no doubt in your mind for how you wanted to take him.

"Get on your back for me, baby," You mumbled against his lips with a fleeting kiss.

Stiff with nerves from your self-assuredness, he swiped off the rest of his clothes and put his back to the sticky vinyl-covered mat. You weren't aware of the curious tilt your head gave as you settled above him, but it spurred a whole-body shiver in him.

"You see the little rim? And how, if I turn it upside down, it's not the same?"

He squinted only for a millisecond before grabbing around for his glasses -adorable- and gave a nod when he saw what you meant.

"It's like a contact," He muttered.

You nodded, carefully picking up his hard-on enough to slide the thing on. He watched, learned, intently how you managed to do this.

"If you put it on the wrong way, it's more likely to slip off."

Your hips slid up over his now-safe dick. He was silently relieved he could feel just a fraction less with it on, because you looked too damn good perched up on him like that. No way he'd be lasting very long.

Dropping to your elbows, you gave him another soft kiss and took his glasses off again with a chuckle.

"I can't watch you?" He muttered, finding your eyes now that he couldn't see as well. That was your goal; he always gave you better eye contact when he couldn't tell his left from right.

"Mm-mm," You hummed against his cheek, positioning him against your aching pussy.

It was all on your accord to take him as you liked. He was too smart to move before he knew you wanted him to.

That didn't stop the grip on you from getting twitchy and hard, nor his unrestrained sounds.

"Augh-aha, jesus--, fuck..." Awe flashed across his face for a moment, quickly overshadowed by a deeply furrowed brow and an unwavering, adoring stare.

You seethed, eyes rolling back at his size filled you up. There was heavenly electricity he somehow pushed through your entire body. Even your fingers were buzzing.

His hip-work was a bit confused, but it was charming, slow, and good for a start when you suggested that he move.

"That feel good?" You breathed, shaky, but wanting to know all of his thoughts. As if he wasn't wearing it all over his face.

He was coated in sweat- you were, too, because there was no cooling in here, but he was distractingly so. The side of his face glistened in the orange-hued room.

"Fuc-k, ye-ah..." He wore an open-mouthed half-smirk as he admired your slick body sit up on his cock and ride him.

You kept your palms on his chest to support yourself, head leaning to the side as you focused on taking him. He kept his touch on your thighs light now, since he didn't want to risk fucking anything about this perfect performance up.

A hand slipped from his chest and to your own needy clit- you gasped and let out a quiet moan, bucking a little at the feeling.

You had no idea how much you needed it. After his tongue, the grinding, and how he started matching your own preferred pace, that thrilling, pleasant strain deep inside of you grew at an irresponsible rate.

"That's--s' hot," He choked, eyes narrowed and glued to the sight of your swirling fingers.

"Hm?" You smiled and moved both hands to the sides of his head, mistaking his admission to mean a more general vibe.

His breath stalled with effort as he bottomed out and stayed there.

He guided your hand back and pressed it between your legs again.

You sat a bit up again so you could better chase that high, tingly with an acceptable amount of embarrassment of being watched like that. You were practically edging yourself at this point and his gaze was threatening to throw you off the edge.

Those massive, sweat-slicked hands filled once more with the plush of your hips. He was struggling to keep his eyes open to watch, but managed alright.

"You-gotta teach me,h-ah- sometime," His bottom lip caught between his teeth as his focus tunnelled on the filthy sight of his own rough hold and his cock sliding in and out of your cunt.

He was a fast learner. His strokes were less shaky now, and grew more confident by the second. It may have been partially due to the fact that he knew you could take him, which just drew him closer to orgasm.

You could ride and listen to him all day, if it wasn't for your own body's limited capacity for the way he was taking you.

"Why don't I--mmn! Teach- you- ah, now?" You made him look at you again, a favorite maneuver of yours now, only just barely clawing to a paper-thin veil of poise to torture him with, over a quickly approaching climax.

"'Cause, I'm gonna cum before I figure it o-ut," Tsukishima sigh-laughed and moved one hand to your lower back.

It brought you down to your elbows. From here, he could kiss you hard and hit at a deeper angle- it was messy and rough and uncalculated; astoundingly hot coming from him.

Tsukishima never let himself act that way. It was a telltale sign that he was coming completely undone.

That hold on your hips hardened, his nails digging into you as his groans gradually started turning into whines and curses.

"F-uck--! Mmn- ha-h-ah," He cried softly on your lips as he came, panting like a dog.

Those unabashed, vulnerable sounds seized your heart and your pussy, and soon you found yourself not close behind, thanks to the fact that he didn't stop fucking you even after he came.

Shaky fingers scratched at his neck and shoulders, clinging like a lifeline. White-hot waves crashed over you as he drowned the rest of your sounds in another sloppy, worshiping kiss.

The gym was so quiet when neither of you were making any noise.

There was the hum of cicadas outside, but not even the fans were turning. It was just your laden breathing in here.

Slowly, you were able to see more of him on the backend of that shared high. Your head buzzed with the comfort and warmth his body provided you. His heavy arms squeezed around your middle.

It looked like he was swimming in satisfaction with a familiar, smug smile on his lips and closed eyes.

"Mm, you gonna look at me, pretty boy?" You rubbed the laughable amount of sweat around on his tummy and chest.

A deep shade of red returned to his cheeks. You grinned.

"Pretty?" He repeated in a scoff.

He'd come to appreciate it more, because, "It's true. You are pretty."

Sure, he sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes, but he wouldn't be so embarrassed if he didn't see a little truth in it.

It was getting a bit cold, now that you weren't so worked up anymore.

"Shit...we've gotta clean this place up."

There was a quiet beat between you.

For a very slow and hesitant 30 seconds, you gripped the rim of the condom on his still rock-hard cock and slid off of him with a shudder. He remembered that maneuver for next time.

You climbed off of the mat and began putting on your clothes. The gym around you felt 300 times bigger than it actually was.

After figuring out how to take it off without getting drenched in his own cum, he tied it and observed the thing for a second. Then, he slid -yeah, slid- to the corner of the mat and stayed seated while he watched you get dressed.

Now you had even more to put away and wipe down, because Tsukishima left a 6 foot long pool of sweat on the mat. He wore a devious smirk.

"Since I'm the one competing in Nationals tomorrow, I think I'll just leave you to it--"

"You better get your lanky ass up right now," You swatted him with your shirt and he broke out into a playful grin as he heaved himself up and snatched it from you.

Now when he stood over you, it felt thrilling instead of threatening. He fixed the twist in your bra strap without looking away from your eyes.

He kept the shirt far out of your reach while he stole a kiss, "I'll help as long as you clean like this."

taglist:

TYSM FOR THE SUPPORT AND REPLIES!! the energy here was so great! requests are open!

@v15aexe @hotvinimon @cyzvx @aloveablechaos @kozumesphone

@beaniedoodz @idiotboys @djmoyolehuani @ilovemymomscooking

@imiqz @vierciale @sukunassaltysack @garlicbread9104 @awkwardaardvarkforever

[inaconstantstateofchange]

Who Builds Theseus' Ship?

This ties in to a greater discussion about Larian's changes to the game post-Full Release, and whether you consider those changes to be a good thing or a bad thing. Personally speaking, the quality-of-life and gameplay mechanics improvements were appreciated, while the direct changes to characters and especially characterization were not so much.

In such discussions, I often see people downplaying the actual changes to characterization that have been made thus far as "minor" things, but I often see one of the most glaring examples of a characterization change left out, because so many people aren't even aware of it ever happening:

Halsin.

For those who don't know, if you were romancing Halsin at the time of the original full release, and for almost four months afterward, if you took him with you to Act 3's orgy scene in Sharess's Caress, he would open up about a situation in his distant past. He would tell you about how he had briefly been "something between guest, prisoner, and consort" in a drow House, and been kept there for three years before escaping.

He stated that this was something that happened "a long time ago", when he was "a foolhardy young druid", which would mean it would likely have been between ages 100 and 245 — or at minimum 105 years ago, and at (likely) maximum 250 years ago. He closed the discussion with a line that really struck me, and that gave me such an appreciation for his character, and for the writers who had created it:

The passage of time has a strange way of polishing even the most arduous of memories into precious keepsakes.

As someone in their late-20s, with a number of traumatic events in my past, this resonated so much both with my experience of those events – once harrowing and haunting, now just simple happenings that do not affect me the way they once did – and as an inspirational message, that hurt would not necessarily linger forever.

Not only that, I really valued the insight it gave into Halsin's personality, further showing him to be someone who was deeply complex and meditative, always looking for meaning and something to take away or learn from any experience. It also served to showcase the likely reality of the relationship elves and druids both would have to the concepts of time and memory. (Another example of this is the experience of Shadowheart's father compared to her mother at the hands of the Sharrans.)

I started playing the game almost immediately upon its release in August, and was intrigued by Halsin from the start. He was someone who was kind and heartfelt, but also very settled in himself and with a simultaneously rigid and very flexible moral code. It was that complexity that drew me to him, and I appreciated the inclusion of a character distinct from the Origin companions, all at close to the lowest point of their lives.

It was to my surprise to find that this appreciation for his character and perspective on his Act 3 revelation was not unanimous. As it turned out, there was a vocal group of people claiming that this writing was problematic, and that Halsin clearly didn't even realize he was actually traumatized, and that Larian needed to fix it. Not everyone joining in with this crusade had even played the game.

And, ultimately, in a pattern they have continued to follow, Larian responded. They fixed it. At the end of November, as part of Patch 5, they uploaded an edited version of the scene with new dialogue, where the player could express this "reality" to Halsin, in one of the most gallingly patronizing statements I've ever seen.

Sounds traumatic. You may need to reflect on that.

(If someone said this to me after I had opened up to them about my trauma and my experience of it to them, we would not be maintaining a cordial relationship afterward.)

Halsin's new response to these dialogue options is a cringing, self-deprecating cascade of how the player is of course right, and he should have known better, and time could "prove to be a trickster on one's recollections" and that perhaps he had "lost perspective".

Quite frankly, it is a completely different character answering, and an almost directly opposing overall message about the role of time in healing, and the path forward when it comes to trauma. No more "one day these events will not hurt to recall the way they do now". In its stead: "only healing that looks a specific way and follows a specific path is acceptable - anything else and you are simply a poor fool lying to yourself."

The following quote is from a comment left on a video of Halsin's original dialogue in that scene, before the changes, and is just one example of how much that representation meant to more than just me to see:

That said, Halsin is trauma recovery goals for me absolutely. Being able to remember without actually being triggered? Being able to fully and freely engage HOW ID LIKE TO instead of being fettered by trauma responses? Goals. I don’t know if I’ll ever get there 100%, we don’t get elven lifetimes irl, but his level of healing brings me hope.

Ultimately, this post is not meant to argue that you should agree with me that one is better than the other. More so, I want to highlight that this existed — for many people, this was their experience of events and characters, and that is not so easily redacted. And I also want to just state, for the record, that Larian's way of approaching narrative and characterization changes to their full-release game has been incredibly frustrating. I did not agree, in August, to play an Early Access game with the inherent understanding that any potential narrative aspect might change at any time. I purchased a full-release game, and immersed myself in the story and the characters, to get to know them as the writers had originally presented.

And when Larian makes these changes based on fan feedback, they are explicitly making decisions about which fans matter, and specifically, which fans matter most. Rather than allowing everyone to experience the story they decided to tell, and draw from it what they take away, and let that spark discussion and engagement, they made the decision to defer to some fans over others, and prioritize their experience of the narrative — something that, no matter how well-intended, is always going to leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

[bluemoonscape]

Hear me out: Sua and Luka parallels.

In Ruler of My Heart, they're most directly compared and contrasted in this frame including both the real world and Mizi's perception. Here, they both look angelic, something other than human, greater than human due to their purity. They're framed by the moon, something only to be seen when shined on by another.

Both are treated in a manner that strikes the viewer as distinctly different from the other kids. They're all treated as less than human in different ways, but Sua and Luka are the ones specifically treated as dolls. Dolls to be played with, dolls to be moved limb by limb and joint by joint as its superior wishes. They're made to look perfect. They're made to look clean, so clean they look inhuman.

They're perfect narrative foils. Nigeh owns several pet humans who all have the same black hair, white bonnets and fluffy shirts. All girls, all a carbon copy of one another. Perhaps they're sisters, even? And if they're all sisters, there's no possible way they could have been born naturally.

This connects to the widely accepted theory of Luka being made in a lab, artificially rather than organically. They were quite possibly both born unnaturally and were raised to be just as unnatural. Both of them seem rather blank in Anakt Garden. Luka is very solemn and unanimated; the most alive he ever looks in Anakt Garden is at the scene of Hyunwoo's death after Luka presumably killed him. He may exist, but he is not alive. In a metaphorical sense, Luka's life is taken from him every day. His heart is literally under Heperu's constant control, to be stopped and started at will. He is a blank slate for Heperu to use for his own glory. The main change we see in him from his years in Anakt Garden to his time in Alien Stage is how he presents himself. In Anakt Garden, he's fairly meek and stoic. In Alien Stage, he's projecting the idol image the world wants to see from him, the one Heperu has conditioned him to display with nothing short of perfection. He is no more alive in Alien Stage than Anakt Garden simply because he's putting on an act. If anything, this lack of authenticity further deadens him.

Sua, though? Despite Sua's upbringing, she is alive when she and Mizi My Clematis together. She's quite possibly more alive than she's ever been. Just like Luka, she's been dressed in white, made to look like a doll, a blank slate, and yet she is anything but, and she proves it by quietly sacrificing herself for Mizi and (as another post put it) an insurance on Mizi's love. Sua could've ended up exactly like Luka. She could have been made to be the villain, the face of Alien Stage, the lifeless marionette. She could have been Luka, but she isn't. Why?

This scene. This scene is why.

I always took the pink tendrils reaching through the glass between them as a metaphor for Mizi's life and love pouring into Sua, putting life into her. Mizi is so vibrant, so alive, and she loves Sua, of all people. Lifeless, blank Sua, or so she thought. But Mizi saw the life in her. She saw her and she saw someone worth loving. Worth worshiping.

Sua was made alive the moment she saw Mizi. This is the moment her life began.

But then, why couldn't Hyuna's effect on Luka breathe life into him, too? Why couldn't Luka's arc diverge due to this love like Sua?

The thing is, Hyuna did make him feel alive. Just like Mizi, she was so full of life that it was impossible for him not to feel even a hint of something in her presence. Maybe she made him feel real, just for once in his life. Just for once.

But he warped Hyuna's love into something it wasn't.

He warped her love into something Hyuna had no intention of giving to anyone: Her life. Just once had to last, so he tried his hardest to hold onto her with a tight fist. When Hyunwoo threatened to come between Hyuna and Luka and take her life away from Luka, Luka, in some way, shape, or form, dealt with the threat. As I said, the most alive he ever looked in Anakt Garden was in the aftermath of Hyunwoo's death, and I believe this is because he thought he'd secured Hyuna's life for himself. Now my life is yours, and your life is mine.

It could've happened to Sua too, under different circumstances. Mizisua could've been just as twisted and toxic as Hyuluka. She could've fallen into the same mindset as Luka: Your life is mine.

She didn't. Instead, she had the awareness that Mizi wanted to give Sua her life, and she said no. With her death, she put Mizi's life back in her hands where it belonged and made her, as much as Mizi fought against it, live for herself. The difference in the way Sua sings Ruler of My Heart in her cover really highlights this. Opposite to Luka's cool, condescending control over the lyrics and the subject of the song, every word Sua sings is from her heart. Mizi is the ruler of her heart, and she does want to give everything to her out of pure, unconditional love.

Sua's love saved her. It elevated her not to something inhuman and unnatural (untouched by feeling) but to humanity.

Luka's love took whatever humanity he had left of him.

Sua is the moon under the sun's glow, and Luka is left in the dark.

[cherryjamandtoast]

UPS TEAMSTERS-UNION WON !!!!!!!!!!!

From the article:

[(WASHINGTON) – Today, the Teamsters reached the most historic tentative agreement for workers in the history of UPS, protecting and rewarding more than 340,000 UPS Teamsters nationwide. The overwhelmingly lucrative contract raises wages for all workers, creates more full-time jobs, and includes dozens of workplace protections and improvements. The UPS Teamsters National Negotiating Committee unanimously endorsed the five-year tentative agreement.

“Rank-and-file UPS Teamsters sacrificed everything to get this country through a pandemic and enabled UPS to reap record-setting profits. Teamster labor moves America. The union went into this fight committed to winning for our members. We demanded the best contract in the history of UPS, and we got it,” said Teamsters General President Sean M. O’Brien. ... This contract sets a new standard in the labor movement and raises the bar for all workers.”

“UPS came dangerously close to putting itself on strike, but we kept firm on our demands. In my more than 40 years in Louisville representing members at Worldport — the largest UPS hub in the country — I have never seen a national contract that levels the playing field for workers so dramatically as this one....” said Teamsters General Secretary-Treasurer Fred Zuckerman. “We stayed focused on our members and fought like hell to get everything that full-time and part-time UPS Teamsters deserve.”

“Rank-and-file members served on the committee for the first time, ... “Our hard work has paid off — from those members and leaders negotiating for more at the table to my sisters and brothers building a credible strike threat around the country. Our union was organized and we were relentless. We’ve hit every goal that UPS Teamster members wanted and asked for with this agreement. It’s a ‘yes’ vote for the most historic contract we’ve ever had.”

Highlights of the tentative 2023-2028 UPS Teamsters National Master Agreement include:

Historic wage increases. Existing full- and part-time UPS Teamsters will get $2.75 more per hour in 2023, and $7.50 more per hour over the length of the contract.

Existing part-timers will be raised up to no less than $21 per hour immediately, and part-time seniority workers earning more under a market rate adjustment would still receive all new general wage increases.

Wage increases for full-timers will keep UPS Teamsters the highest paid delivery drivers in the nation, improving their average top rate to $49 per hour.

New part-time hires at UPS would start at $21 per hour and advance to $23 per hour.

All UPS Teamster drivers classified as 22.4s would be reclassified immediately to Regular Package Car Drivers and placed into seniority, ending the unfair two-tier wage system at UPS.

Safety and health protections, including vehicle air conditioning and cargo ventilation. UPS will equip in-cab A/C in all larger delivery vehicles, sprinter vans, and package cars purchased after Jan. 1, 2024. All cars get two fans and air induction vents in the cargo compartments.

All UPS Teamsters would receive Martin Luther King Day as a full holiday for the first time.

No more forced overtime on Teamster drivers’ days off. Drivers would keep one of two workweek schedules and could not be forced into overtime on scheduled off-days.

UPS Teamster part-timers will have priority to perform all seasonal support work using their own vehicles with a locked-in eight-hour guarantee. For the first time, seasonal work will be contained to five weeks only from November-December.

On July 31, representatives ... will meet to review and recommend the tentative agreement. All UPS rank-and-file members will receive a list of improvements in the contract. ... Member voting begins August 3 and concludes August 22.

The UPS Teamsters National Master Agreement is the single largest private-sector collective bargaining agreement in North America.]

Check the article for the full list; but ho ho holy shit.

This is huge. It shows the collective bargaining WORKS. The Teamsters sent a message to UPS and this win will send a message to Corporate America that unions can WIN for rank-and-file workers!!!

[dailyadventureprompts]

I've got a new d&d group and they're almost all new players, with some of them having played with me before in oneshots/ gotten a couple sessions into campaigns that fizzled.

There's the usual learning pains: No one's quite got a handle on the rules yet and is relying on me for which dice to roll ( it's a D20 friends, it's always going to be a D20 unless it's damage I don't know how many times I have to say that). Person A is nervous and over-talkative , person B is nervous and withdraws from conversation, Person C is always running a little late...

But what really surprises me is the difference between them and the group I've had going for 2 years now:

Newgroup THEORIZES in a way that I don't think I've ever seen despite playing this game for two decades. I'll ask them what they're doing and they'll have a multi-minute chat weighing the value of different options. They don't turn to ME, or ask me if things are possible ( which is what new players tend to do), they turn to eachother and ask if they think it's a good idea that they do X or Y and then what could happen from there. I'm trying to be a good DM and let them learn the ropes but it's FASCINATING response. For example; the barbarian says "I'll use my shield to pin the monster in place so we can question them about the villain" and before I can even get into my response another player will say "but what if I used my rope instead to tie them up?", meanwhile none of them have confirmed if the monster is in any way related to the villain or is capable of speech (it wasn't, it was a mimic fyi)

Newgroup is LASER targeted on their goal, which was a surprise as someone who was DMing for a party that purposefully jumped ship on the A plot ASAP and is actively resentful of anything resembling a main quest. Newgroup passes through a mining village that's been deserted after a recent attack by monsters which drove people up into the hills, a Classic rescue mission with a bit of a dungeon delve on top, intended to give the party some XP and magic items before they leave the early game and I stop pulling my punches. Newgroup stays just long enough to confirm that the monsters have nothing to do with the A plot and unanimously decide to leave the village post haste. Meanwhile I have to be careful about what information I drop to oldgroup, as if they catch a single whiff of villanious wrongdoing they'll drop what they're doing and divert their attention to wiping that threat off the map. I've now had to have multiple villains make peace treaties in all but name with this party because of their habit of knocking out rivals/threats/governments.

Because oldgroup know the game really well they're less experimental with what they want to accomplish. They know that things can be solved through class features/dice rolls/damage, and so those are their default solutions to most problems. Meanwhile newgroup has no IDEA what the limits of the game system are so they're trying clever stuff left and right. " Can I hit it in the eye with my arrow? Can I use this spell to find out if _____, Can we use the flying boots to _____?" They're asking genuinely good questions so often that it's made me want to play around with the d20 resolution system to get something more closed to the " drawback/mixed success" sorts of results you get in apocalypse world style games. ( I think I found a neat fix, more on that to come)

[primehyuck]

MOVES

aka good things take time (the happy ending version)

word count: 11.3k

i first started writing this because i’ve been listening to the song Moves by Suki Waterhouse on repeat, but it became much more than that

contents: long time best friend!haechan, slice of life, pining and yearning, chronological time jumps (mostly college and young adulthood), other members mentioned (Mark and Jeno!roommates), kissing, fluff, wet dreams, a good example of two people who seriously need to communicate, face sitting, morning sex, lots of pet names

“Do you think we’ll be friends for a long time?” Haechan’s soft voice distracts your attempt to focus on a blade of the blurry ceiling fan, unable to keep you cool despite it spinning so fast you think it might fly away.

“How do you mean?” the bed squeaks when Haechan sits up to lean over you.

“Growing up, I feel like my parents didn’t have many friends aside from each other. My mom told me that it’s because when you get older your priorities change and you realize who adds value to your life, and that’s who you decide to keep.” His eyes are glowing with sincerity, body blocking the flow of air from touching you at all “so when we’re older, and married with kids and other priorities, and we maybe live in different cities, do you think we’ll still be friends?”

You stare at him for a moment before shoving his face out of the way of the fans air stream.

“Definitely,” your confidence soothes him enough that he lays back down “if I ever muster up the creativity to come up with a reason to stop being your friend, you have to swear you’ll tell me how stupid I’m being, swear to me.” you smack his chest before he can even answer.

“I swear!” He smiles to himself, staring up at the ceiling with you, rubbing his hand over the warm spot where your hand made contact, melting into the mattress.

———

Growing up people always joked that Haechan and you would fall in love, that it was inevitable, practical even. Because, if you fall in love with your best friend you’ve already conquered one of the highest mountains - finding someone that you like, and who likes you back.

You had both seen the other in a relationship, an inevitability when you’ve been friends with someone since puberty. He’d cheered you on when you had your first kiss during a game of spin the bottle in high school, forced you to come out on double dates with him and a friend of his you didn’t even like just so he could take someone else out, and freshman year of college he’d even introduced you to the person you'd lost your virginity to.

The only time he cockblocked you was when you tried to get to know any of his friends more than platonically, so eventually you gave up and settled for real friendship with all of them.

“Trust me, you don’t want to touch him with a six foot pole.” He’d said freshman year when you had mentioned your attraction to his roommate, Mark.

“He seems so nice, though.” you pouted

“He is nice, but that doesn’t mean you want to be with him.”

“How would you know what I want?” you scoffed, and he looked at you like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Has the wind beneath my wings ever led you into the wrong arms?” He was highly animated, offended that you would question his judgment.

By the start of sophomore year it was obvious to everyone else that you were strictly off limits. All of his friends had decided unanimously that even if you did attempt anything with them they had no choice but to shut you down. The cold stare Haechan unknowingly serves them from across the room whenever they got too close was enough to keep them away. None of the boys ever minded the boundaries with you, there always was an ease in your friendship since they all knew it could never go further, but that didn’t mean they never thought about the possibility.

One night, at the end of junior year, Haechan is nowhere to be found at his own party and you graciously accept Jeno’s invitation upstairs when you complain of a headache, “we can play Mario Kart, and it won’t be all competitive like when Haechan plays with us.”

It starts like normal, and you're having fun when you realize that your tipsy brain can’t focus on the screen and the conversation simultaneously, opting for the latter as you relax into Jeno’s pillows. You don’t even notice him inching closer to you until his nose touches yours, tugging at a strand of your hair. This is the first time any of Haechan’s friends have shown interest in you, you’d never even been on the receiving end of a flirtatious stare from across the beer pong table, so you take the reins.

Kissing Jeno feels a little bit like winning, like you’ve finally made it past the invisible forcefield Haechan had put up around his friends. The kiss is lazy and hot, Jeno props himself up on one elbow and presses your back into the mattress with his chest. Your eager fingers run beneath his shirt, his abs tightening when you trail them over his sides. Your spine tingles when he groans into your mouth, the hand on your cheek moving to grip your knee and hike your leg over his hip. His hand holds strong around your thigh, and you sigh when he grinds into you.

Jeno pulls away too soon, stopping your hands reaching for the hem of his shirt with a pained sigh as he drops your leg to roll onto his back, flinging an arm over his eyes.

“Fuck, I should not be doing this with you.”

“Why, you don’t want to?” You want to curl into yourself, sitting up to stare down at his shaking head.

“No, definitely not that.” he pulls his arm away to meet your eyes, the alcohol in his veins making him brave enough to admit “Haechan would be pissed.”

“Haechan?” you question “did he say something to you?” Jeno groans, sitting up and hooking his elbows around his knees, staring at the mattress between his legs.

“No, no. He’s never actually said anything,” he knows he’s revealing too much, but he also knows he’s gone too far to stop “we just know he would never want us to cross that line with you.”

“We?” you can feel embarrassment bubbling in your chest at the idea of all of your friends talking about this.

“Yeah, you know, all the guys. We figured you were just off limits, I don’t know.” he grimaces, looking up at you with apologetic eyes when you don’t respond. You huff and climb off the bed, feeling rejected in more ways than one.

You’d crossed a boundary tonight, but Jeno was still a close friend, someone you’d spent a lot of time with since he met Haechan freshman year. He still knows you, so he grabs your wrist before you can leave, shifting to sit on the edge of the bed so he can stand you between his legs.

“I’m sorry, don’t be mad.” He envelops your hands in his and brings them to his chest.

“I’m not mad,” you mumble, avoiding his apologetic gaze “I’m embarrassed that all of my friends agreed not to touch me.”

“Did you really think not a single one of us was ever interested in you?” you shrug and he squeezes your hands tighter, heart tugging in his chest.

“When people don’t act interested, that’s usually a safe assumption.” you pout and Jeno’s laugh buzzes through your linked fingers "I gave up on all of you halfway through freshman year."

“Well, some of us are better actors than I remember.”

He has you laughing by the time you leave his room, sealing the night with one more self indulgent kiss and a pinky swear to never tell Haechan about what happened.

———

Halfway through the first semester of senior year Haechan bangs angrily on his roommates door before swinging it open and Jeno is genuinely shocked that it's taken this long for the gossip to hit his ears. The rest of the boys had clocked Jeno the next morning for being ‘too happy’ and he had to make them all swear not to tell, wanting to protect your pride and his own friendship with Haechan.

"You slut!" Haechan points an accusatory finger in Jeno's direction, dragging his feet slowly toward him until he's so close Jeno has to bat his hand out of his face.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you know exactly what I'm talking about." Haechan's voice is low and angry, something new and unpleasant sparking in his gut at the idea of Jeno kissing you, touching you.

"No, I don't." Jeno can’t help but antagonize. Pleased with the perfect opportunity to trick Haechan into saying out loud what everyone else seems to have known for years.

"You kissed my best friend!" He shrieks, tossing his hands up in the air dramatically.

"So what, she's not allowed to kiss people?" Haechan squints his eyes at Jeno’s response, scrunching his nose in annoyance “how did you even find out?”

"She can kiss whoever she wants, it's all of you that aren't allowed to kiss her." Haechan waves his hand wildly toward the bedroom door, alluding to the large group of boys living in the house “you know Mark can’t keep a secret, he’s been bursting at the seams for months. All I had to do was ask.”

"It happened forever ago dude, why are you so pissed? You've never even given us a chance to get close to her in that way, maybe one of us could really like her." Jeno reasons, tugging at Haechan's strings, watching the gears in his brain turn as he tries to come up with a real argument.

"She has a boyfriend," Haechan finally says with a frown at the thought of the guy he’d only recently met, he doesn’t like him at all. From his stupid hair to the shoes he wears, there’s not a thing about your new boyfriend that Haechan thinks is good enough for you. He collapses into the gaming chair across from where Jeno is relaxed on the couch, not having moved at all since Haechan stormed in "plus, I think any of you would know by now, you've all known her for four years."

"I think, that it can take a lot longer than four years to realize how much you like someone." Jeno bites, "how long have you known her?"

"Since middle school." He picks at the hole in the knee of his black jeans, realizing what Jeno is alluding to, defensive exterior quickly crumbling.

"Right, I think that if you're blind enough then it can take ten years to realize how much you like someone."

"Well, maybe ten years is too long and that person missed their chance." Haechan turns his head to stare out the window, anxiously spinning the chair side to side.

"You know I'm talking about you, right?"

"God, yes, I know you're talking about me." Haechan glares at his friend, fidgeting stopping abruptly "and I know I've been a complete idiot about it, but like I said, I’m out of time."

———

Haechan can’t stop his free hand from clenching and unclenching as you sob into your pillow, his less angry hand rubbing over your back.

“He told me he saw us moving in together after graduation,” your voice shakes “how do you look someone in the eyes and say shit like that and then sleep with someone else?”

“I don’t know,” Haechan replies earnestly, feeling as helpful as flip flops in the snow from where he sits on the edge of your mattress “I’m so sorry.”

He takes your silence as an invitation, lying on his stomach, face turned toward you, fingers still drawing soothing circles over your shoulder blades. He waits patiently for you to calm down, unease swarming his stomach knowing that even after years of friendship he can’t truly comfort you in this moment.

“I’m so embarrassed.” you sniffle, smearing your face over your pillow before turning to look at him. He holds his breath, waiting for you to collect yourself enough to explain.

“I’m so gullible, he even told me he’s cheated in the past and for whatever reason I believed that he’d treat me differently, that he’d love me enough.” Haechan has to count to five in his head to stay calm before he speaks.

“You have no reason to be embarrassed. The most natural thing you can do is believe someone when they say they love you.” He murmurs, turning onto his side so he can pull you into a hug. When you curl into his body to bury your face in his chest he can only pray you can’t hear his heart pound against his ribs.

“He’s an idiot, and he didn’t deserve any of the love you gave him. I promise, you’re so much better off.”

Haechan hates the piece of himself that’s relieved your relationship has ended. The same piece that hated your ex the minute he met him, that feels heavy in your absence whenever you’re busy with anyone who isn’t him. The piece that crosses it’s fingers whenever you get this close in hopes that you’ll be the first one to cross the line, to finally do what he’s thought about doing for the last few months since he realized exactly how he felt about you.

“Thank you,” you mumble into his tear dampened shirt, lifting your leg over his to cuddle in even closer “thanks for always being my friend, even when I do dumb shit, like let boys be mean to me.”

He nuzzles his nose into your scalp, eyes fluttering shut at the smell of your shampoo “Thanks for letting me. Besides, even Beyoncé got cheated on, so you clearly aren’t that dumb.” the crowd in his brain cheers when you giggle into his chest.

“You’re so annoying.” He holds you even tighter.

———

“I can’t believe it,” your jaw drops and Haechan whips his head up nervously to look at you from across the couch

“What happened?”

“I got it, I got the job!” you shove his feet off your lap to jump up excitedly, bouncing on your toes as you read the email out loud. Haechan’s ears are ringing so loud he barely catches the first half, trying to shake off the dazed look he’s sure appears on his face.

“We were extremely impressed with your resume and even more so with the impression you left on the board during your interview, blah blah blah, excited to offer you this position, blah blah blah, and a relocation bonus to join us in in our new office!” the pitch of your voice rises a few octaves as you finish reading.

Haechan stares at you from his spot on the couch, eyes wide with shock that you’re too excited to notice, skimming your screen as you re-read the details in your offer letter.

His entire body is buzzing, torn between feeling excited at your accomplishment and sorry for himself.

He had a plan, a really good one, he thought. After your breakup you’d made it painfully clear that you wanted to be single for a while, and he knew if he could just be patient, it would all be worth it. So Haechan decided to bottle his feelings up, sitting patiently by your side where he had been for so many years, waiting for you to heal and hoping that when you were finally ready to start dating again he’d have mustered up the courage to make the first move.

“Lee Donghyuck, are you even listening to me!?” you drop your phone to pull him up off the couch, bouncing up and down with your fingers intertwined “I’m moving to my dream city, to start my dream job.” you reiterate and he snaps out of it, sweeping the imaginary shards of glass that his plan had been made out of under the rug and pulling you into a hug.

“That’s amazing, I’m so proud of you.”

“Your enthusiasm is overwhelming.” You deadpan, but squeeze him back just as tight.

“I’m sorry, I’m going to miss you is all.” He admits, "I'd follow you if my job didn't keep me here."

“I’ll make sure you don’t miss me too much, don’t worry.” you plant your cheek on his chest, surprised at the relief you feel in hearing him say it first.

———

This feeling was still a little unfamiliar, nerves. Haechan had never made you nervous growing up; excited, annoyed, passionate maybe, but never nervous.

The nerves began last summer, when he’d come out to visit you for the first time to celebrate his birthday. It was the longest you’d gone without seeing each other since you’d met, almost ten full months and the anticipation was palpable.

When he steps through the airport doors you think that it’s the relief of finally being near him again that knocks the wind out of you. Running into his open arms and being squeezed so tightly in them that you tap his shoulder to let you breathe. Ruffling his hair when he steps back and ignoring the fact that he had grown so much since you’d seen him last.

But as the night goes on, the slight changes to the person you have memorized become glaringly obvious. The way his cheeks have lost some of their cushion, revealing a sharp jaw and pointed cheekbones. The natural wave in his once unruly hair now falling perfectly over his brow bone, he had dyed it a little darker which made his tan skin glow even in dim lighting. Even his smell seemed to draw you into a trance, a much more expensive version of the Haechan you know.

“You know, that group of girls has been staring over at you since we walked in.” You raise your eyebrows playfully, pointing your glass toward the pretty gaggle that keeps walking past the booth you and Haechan occupy.

He doesn’t break eye contact with you before shrugging, “I didn’t come here to see them, I came to see you.” he smiles, punctuating his thought by reaching over the table and tapping your nose.

“I know, I know,” you laugh, batting him away “It never hurts to know when people are staring, though”

His face is unreadable as he rests his arm lazily up over the bench of the booth, body sinking into the seat while he lifts his glass to swirl his drink, biting the words that have been resting on the tip of his tongue the entire trip, and at the end of every phone call since you started your new job.

“How are you, seriously.” You push. In the time since you moved he’d started and ended a relationship with a girl that you’d never met. Your new job kept you so busy that you hadn’t even learned about the breakup until a week later, when you finally had the time to call him back. The guilt of your absence weighs you down, resenting your inability to be there for him the way he had been for you in the past.

“I’m over it, seriously.” You know he’s telling the truth, but it’s in your nature to pry.

“You never really talked about, why, you know.”

“Do I have to?”

“No, I’m sorry, I just feel so behind on your life.” You sigh and push your empty glass to the side, swirling your finger in the ring of cold water it leaves behind.

“It’s okay, really. You’ve been busy, I understand.” He reaches across the table to stop your anxious fingers “I didn’t love her the way I knew I should, that’s all. It’s a good thing that it ended, and I’m happy that it did.”

“That’s all that matters, then.” and he’s grateful that you drop the subject.

You eventually get back to your apartment, both giggly and flush from the alcohol still fogging your brain despite the long walk you'd hoped would lessen it. Haechan holds your hand the whole way back, even when he stops suddenly to pet a dog, dragging you down to the ground with him. He can’t help himself, grateful that at this point you'd touched one another in every way other than what he dreams about most, and you seem oblivious to his need to be so close to you.

As you get ready for bed he lets himself watch you undress facing the wall away from him, unaware of his gaze burning into your backside and the way his fingers tingle at the thought of pulling at the meat of your hips. He scolds his heart for thudding so loud when you squeeze your eyes into a smile at his reflection standing next to yours at the sink while you brush your teeth, the domestication of your friendship that he used to appreciate now suffocating him.

You put on a movie and invite him to rest his head on the pillow in your lap, wishing he could bury his nose into the skin of your thighs beneath it. Halfway through the movie he has to sit up to hide the way his cock is hardening at the feeling of your nails combing through his hair and down his shoulder, occasionally thrumming over his chest. He pulls a blanket off the back of the couch and tosses it over his legs as casually as possible, pulling you into his side by your shoulder, the other arm stretched across the back of the couch.

"Are you cold for the first time in your life?" Haechan never wants to use a blanket, but you’re grateful for the position giving you access to bury your face into his chest, gripping his shirt.

"No, just want to be warmer." he presses a blushing cheek onto the top of your head, trying to think of anything except the way your hair smells, or the feeling of the side of your breast brushing his wrist through your shirt. Haechan feels eighteen again and like he's discovering the connection between romantic and sexual feelings for the first time in his life. He tries to match his breathing to yours, holding his breath whenever you shift in his hold and reconnecting his stomach with your back as quickly as possible. The temptation to pour his heart out is overwhelming, but when he feels your body completely relax into his and your breathing slow down, the words become trapped in his throat, so he lets you sleep.

Haechan had never experienced a shorter 48 hours than that weekend he spent following you around the city you now call home.

You’re shining in your new space, and he happily trails behind you to all the places you’ve discovered in the almost year since you moved. His stomach does somersaults whenever you point something out that reminds you of him.

“I’ve been waiting to come here until you could come with me!” you're so excited to take him to the video game themed coffee shop that your co-workers had recommended “I thought about coming to see if it was even worth it, but I only want to play these kinds of games with you anyway.”

Sometimes he can forget about his feelings for you, when things are just as they always have been. You talk with and touch him the same, laugh at his jokes the same. He thinks that if he were to ever say out loud what he’s been feeling, that the two of you would still be the same but with a little More, ‘you guys’ but on steroids. So when everything is normal he can pretend like it‘a not. He can act like the More is there when you hold his hand to drag him around to the different machines, play games he wants to play even if you don’t want to, you even wipe ice cream off of his chin when his cone starts to melt because he’s talking too much to eat and he wonders why it took him so long to see it this way, and if you could too.

He keeps thinking the moment will come, when he’ll know spilling his guts to you is the right thing to do. But between you gushing over how much you love your new life and your willingness to point out every girl who has blinked at him this weekend, he completely loses the steam he’d gained during his flight, regardless of how his imagination runs wild with the More.

He curses himself the entire weekend for his lack of bravery, hoping that keeping his feelings in is the right decision. After his recent relationship crashed and burned because of his feelings for you he thought he had no choice but to come clean. But watching you, being with you in your new life makes him realize that his role in it hasn’t changed even if his feelings for you have.

The lump in his throat as he stands outside the departure doors is more than just sadness at the thought of leaving you, it’s the realization that he has to let the romantic idea of you go.

“How come you never cry when we have to leave each other,” you hiccup into his chest, and he coos your name lovingly.

“Don’t worry, you know I save my tears for the plane to make everyone in my row uncomfortable.” He knows that you hate that he’s making you laugh at a time like this, pulling away so you can swat his chest and he raises his hands in surrender.

“When will we be able to see each other again?”

“As soon as possible.” He nods reassuringly, wiping your tears with his thumb, heart pounding as he stares into your watering eyes “hey, you’re my best friend in the world, you annoy me every day, and I love you.”

“Whatever, I love you too.” you laugh, but his heart speeds up at the words that you’ve said to him thousands of times. You sweep your arms around him one last time before pushing him toward the airport doors “you better go, if you miss your flight I can’t guarantee I’ll let you leave at all.”

“Don’t tempt me.” He walks backwards slowly, staring at you with a ‘kicked puppy’ kind of face he mastered years ago and you wave enthusiastically, blowing loud kisses into the air that he catches and clutches to his heart.

“This is it,” he thinks, “this has to be it.”

———

Haechan is dreaming about you. He has been nightly ever since he got back from his birthday weekend. He’s grateful the dreams have variety, since some of them overwhelm him to the point of waking up and not being able to fall back asleep.

Sometimes, you’re young again and whenever anyone says “You know, it’s just a matter of time until one of you has a crush on the other.” you both theatrically gag, laughing at each other as if it were the most insane idea in the world. Or, you're sitting on his childhood couch watching your guys' favorite movie for the hundredth weekend in a row, vocalizing the parts of the two main characters and recreating all the best scenes.

Sometimes you’re at his apartment just hanging out together, which are dreams that feel so real he almost expects to see you in his kitchen when he wakes up. Most of these dreams spark a deja vu laced flame in his gut so deep he finds himself confusing them with memories. The ache of missing you wakes him up before his alarm some mornings, and he finds himself face timing you once he knows you're awake just to watch you make coffee and wash your face.

But sometimes, he has dreams that make him feel so ashamed he can barely text you back in the morning. Dreams where he reaches to touch you and you let him, where you tug at his hair and moan his name while he does all the things that he can only do to you in his sleep. He hates to say that these are his favorite, but it's the one dream he knows he'll never actually achieve and he goes to bed every night praying for them.

That’s the kind of dream he’s having when his phone buzzes him awake. He answers without looking because there are only a handful of people who can reach him when he’s on ‘do not disturb’, and you’re one of them. He hums a sleepy greeting into his phone, putting it on speaker next to his pillow and nearly drifting right back into the dream and between your thighs.

“Donghyuck” his eyes shoot open at the sound of your voice “did i wake you up?”

He can practically hear the pout in your voice, squinting at the time on his phone, “Yes, it’s three in the morning,” he stares down to where he’s half hard, running an embarrassed hand over his face even though there’s no possible way for you to know “are you okay?”

“No, well technically yes but I miss you which means things could be better.” you slur your words and Haechan smiles, somehow he's never annoyed that you call him pretty much every time you drink. He thinks it's because he's familiar with this version of you, though he definitely hasn't seen it often since college graduation. This version of you loves him hard, and is never afraid to say it.

"I miss you too," he takes a beat before adding "I was dreaming about you just now."

You gasp excitedly "Really! What were we doing." He smirks at the thought of telling you that you had been sitting on his face, hand reaching back for his cock while he guides your cunt over his tongue until you were shaking above him.

"Just, hanging out." he shrugs. It's his second time this week alone dreaming of your clit bumping his nose, and the thought makes his mouth water.

"I don't believe you." You say accusingly "that's way too boring for a mind like yours to dream up."

"What exactly is my mind like?" He yawns, throwing his forearm over his eyes.

"Oh, you know," you hum "your mind is a galaxy, with at least a billion planets and twice as many stars. I wish I could fly into your head and explore it, but NASA doesn't have the funds."

Haechan holds his breath at your compliment, the smile on his face so wide he can hear it in his own voice "That sounds like an episode of Magic School Bus."

"Your brain is definitely cooler than some cartoon, it's pretty much my favorite place on Earth."

"How would you know, you've never actually been inside?" He shakes his head, teasing you gently. Hearing words like these come out of your mouth breaks his heart and glues it back together at the same time.

"Are you saying you never think about me?" you ask him, not an ounce of sarcasm in your voice.

"I think about you all the time, I promise, all the planets in my brain are shaped like you." You hum, pleased with his response. He shuts his eyes and waits for your answer.

"Yeah, all the planets in mine are shaped like you, too." you pause for a second and add "plus all the stars, I win, I think about you more."

———

This time when Haechan comes to visit you, you know the nerves are more than just excitement at seeing your best friend. It’s a feeling that is nestled so deep in your stomach it makes you a little nauseous. You haven't seen him since you went home for the holidays and he only has one night in the city. You find yourself grueling over your reflection in the mirror, not used to being self conscious in front of him. You’re only going out for happy hour, but you put yourself together to last all night.

When Haechan finally arrives he whistles lowly, making you blush when he pulls out of your hug and requests a spin.

“I appreciate that you got so dressed up for me.” He teases, hoping you don’t catch his eyes sweeping over your legs, wanting to commit you in this dress to memory.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you roll your eyes as if you hadn’t spent the last two hours making sure you looked as perfect as possible. Hoping he doesn’t see the pile of clothes shoved into your closet from all the failed attempts.

“Never,” he grabs your purse off of the counter and opens the door, sweeping his arm out in front of him dramatically “after you. There are some strangers outside who are waiting to catch a glimpse of you, they just don’t know it yet.”

“You are so dramatic.” You lock the door behind you, using the moment facing away from him to collect yourself. Lately you catch yourself wondering if he'd always been so flirtatious, or if you're just forcing meaning behind his words because of how badly you want him to be.

“What, a guy can’t compliment his best friend?”

You smile widely at him and grab your bag out of his grasp, popping your key inside and walking toward the entrance of your building. Praying your fingers stop shaking when you finally get a drink in you. Haechan throws his arm around your shoulders while you walk down the street to your favorite cocktail bar and you're grateful for his usual chatter, talking to you about work and his slow climb up the ladder.

“They put me in a hotel this time, so you don’t have to worry about making me breakfast in the morning.” He smiles at you, sipping his drink gingerly.

“You know I never cook you breakfast.” He feels so far away across the table and you wish that you were sitting next to him instead, shoulders cold without the weight of his arm around them. It feels so good to have him touch you, to feel like you're his. There's a small part of you that feels guilty for using his knack for physical affection to your advantage, he has no idea what the heat of his skin on yours does.

“I know, but all the meetings are in the hotel anyway so it’s easier this time to just stay there.”

You try not to let yourself visibly deflate at the news, wanting to keep him for yourself the whole time he’s in town. His knee presses against yours under the table and you focus all your energy into acting the way you would have before, but you can’t focus on anything else and cross your legs to pull away from him as casually as possible. As badly as you want to touch him, sometimes you can’t.

“What time do you have to be up?”

He groans, leaning back enough that his knee now slides against your shin, “too early,” and glances down at his now empty glass, motioning to the bartender for another “which means you need to drink faster, so I can stop at a reasonable hour.”

You smile, downing the rest of your drink in one gulp, when his foot taps against yours you know it's going to be a long night.

The end of the night finds you together on your couch with a shared bottle of wine sitting empty on the coffee table, his early meetings temporarily forgotten. You and Haechan have been in this position plenty of times, drunk, slap happy and overly touchy in a way that you had always been comfortable being with one another. The difference now is you, this version of you who wants your best friend in an entirely different way.

Every time he pulls you closer you feel electricity shoot straight to your heart so intensely that you have to duck out of his grasp. You don’t know what to do with the feelings that have been growing gradually from your toes up, now practically sprouting out of your scalp with a neon sign blinking “I’m in love with you” over and over.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Haechan whines when you all but flinch away from his hand reaching for his phone near your arm. He’d been aware of it all night, the space you left between the two of you while you walked back from the bar, your sudden inability to maintain the eye contact that he craved. The complete lack of physical touch makes him feel dejected.

“Doing what?” You give him a panicked look, practically sober at the thought of being found out, of what it would feel like to be rejected by him.

“You’re not letting me touch you,” he frowns, and the alcohol buzzes through your veins again “not that you need to let me, but you only avoid it like this when you’re upset. Did I do something?” he pouts, tired eyes low when he flops his head onto his bicep resting on the back of the couch. You forget to breathe for a second when he looks up at you under dark lashes.

“I’m not upset. I wasn’t doing it on purpose.” you’re lying through your teeth, but scoot an inch closer to him to make your point. He doesn’t look convinced, and if you’d had less to drink you may have noticed the mischievous glint in his eye before he grabs you by your arm, knocking you off balance and into his chest.

“See,” he sighs happily, wrapping his arms around your body and you can feel his chest buzz when he hums, cheek pressed to the top of your head. You have no choice but to ungracefully shift your lower body closer to him, making yourself a sponge and soaking in his familiar touch “isn’t that better?”

You nod, “Yes, it is better.” and you really wish he didn’t know you so well, that even in his fifth hour of being drunk he can read your mind. He pulls your ear off his heart to grab your cheeks, smushing them together and whispering your name with a shake of his head.

“What is it?” he urges, and you wrap your fingers around his wrist to loosen his grip. You shut your eyes, take a deep breath and count to three in your head before you can talk yourself out of leaning forward and pressing your lips to his.

You feel him falter for a half second before he’s kissing you back, pulling your face closer and pushing his body toward yours. You can’t hear anything over the blood rushing in your ears when his tongue touches yours, and then suddenly his mouth is gone. He moves so quick you have to put your arms out to stop yourself from face planting into the cushion he had just been sitting on.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” you gasp “i shouldn’t have done that, Haechan, I’m so sorry.”

It takes everything in you to look up to where he’s now standing with his arms crossed over his chest protectively. You have no idea what he’s thinking, staring down at you with wide eyes. Insecurity sweeps through you under his intense gaze, and you almost beg him to say something.

“I’m seeing someone,” the way the confession rings in your ears would have you believing that he screamed the words, but his voice was barely above a whisper “shit, I’m sorry.”

You aren’t sure if it’s your life that flashes before your eyes, or your years of friendship with him, at this point the two tend to blur together.

“That’s-” you sit back on your calves and inhale shakily, knowing it’s not even worth it to attempt to fake any sort of excitement for him “why didn’t you tell me?”

He shrugs, swallowing thickly and pulling his eyes away from your face to stare at the ceiling “It’s new and I didn’t know how. It just never came up.”

“Well then, I’m sorry that it didn’t. I shouldn’t have done that, I don’t know what came over me.” grateful that he’s finally the one avoiding eye contact with you so he doesn’t see your legs wobble when you stand “probably best to pretend that never happened. I’m just drunk and I missed you-”

Your name sounds so pathetic when he says it this time and you think it’s the eighth wonder of the natural world that you haven’t started crying yet. You shake your head instead, wishing so desperately that you had changed out of the dress you were wearing as you pull the slinky material down your thighs.

“Honestly, Haechan,” You regret your next words before they even hit the air “you should probably go. You have an early morning.”

The shock on his face pains you, but you can’t stand to see what you can only assume is pity growing in his eyes for another second.

“I don’t want to go, I want to talk about this.”

“I’m sorry.” you say again and his shoulders slump in defeat, recognizing that you’d made up your mind.

“It’s okay.” He means it, shuffling forward and the look on your face is nearly enough to bring him to his knees. His breath catches when you shift away the inch he moved toward you, eyes locked on his and he can see the desperation in them before he hears it in your voice.

“Text me when you get to the hotel?” your voice cracks with a heavy mix of exhaustion and embarrassment that makes him nods once, grabbing his things and walking slowly toward your door. He turns to look at you, but his words catch in his throat when he sees your eyes begin to water, mustering up all his energy to offer what he prays is a reassuring smile before letting himself out.

You sink back into the couch when the door clicks shut, head hanging in your hands as the tears finally start to flow. You cry so hard you feel like you could throw up, replaying his rejection over and over in your mind, shame and regret coursing through your veins. Pure embarrassment heats your body at the look on his face when he told you he was seeing someone, and you’re not sure if it was disgust or pity in his eyes.

On top of the rejection, knowing that he didn’t feel like he could share something as big as meeting someone with you was a dagger to the heart, up until recently you had never kept a secret from him, and even this one you clearly couldn’t keep in for long.

You force yourself into the shower, scrubbing angrily at your skin under the scalding water. You get out once your fingers have pruned and your skin feels raw, avoiding the mirror on your way to your bedroom. You kick angrily at the dress you'd left on the floor, watching it land near the pile of outfits you had discarded while getting ready.

Haechan had texted you nearly thirty minutes earlier

“made it back”

you give it a thumbs up before turning your phone off, setting an alarm with the clock on your side table and letting the emotional exhaustion lull you to sleep.

------

Haechan is realizing that there is no way in hell that you need space more than he needs to talk to you. He tries to call you multiple times the first week after you kissed him but you never answered, and Haechan doesn’t want to push you to the point of no return. What he really wants is to go back in time and not leave you that night, but the pain in your eyes was so pronounced he couldn't bare to make it any worse. The only physical proof that you had kissed him at all being the stupid blue thumbs up on the text he had sent you that night. It's followed by a slew of reassuring texts, saying that he broke up with his girlfriend and if you would please just talk to him, that he's not mad.

This is the feeling he carries with him nearly two weeks later on the flight to you, when he’s sure that another minute of silence from you will kill him. By the time he gets to your apartment it’s almost midnight, so he knocks loud enough to wake you up.

When you open the door in a shirt he thinks might be his, Haechan knows he has no choice. He's speaking before you can say anything, before he can change his mind.

"I came here to tell you that I think you're being really stupid." He curses internally for the obvious nerves in his voice, your tired eyes widen with shock at his words.

"Excuse me?"

"Years ago you made me swear that I would tell you if you ever came up with a reason not to be my friend anymore. So I'm telling you now, I think you're being really fucking stupid."

"I'm not doing that" You defend yourself, tearing up at the sight of him. He pushes into your apartment, shutting the door behind him and standing close enough to touch. He’s staring you down with pleading eyes, and you bury your face in your hands so you don’t have to look at him.

“Then why are you ignoring me? Why won’t you let me fix this?”

“I don’t know I just,” you inhale shakily “I don't know how to do it right now, not like this."

"Like what?" He hopes he already knows the answer, but needs to hear you say it, to know that you’re as serious as he is. Your mouth feels full of cotton when he forces you to look at him by whispering your name, pulling your hands from your face and his heart pinches tightly at the tears welling in your eyes "please tell me, please. Like what?"

"You already know," your bottom lip betrays you, voice weak beneath heavy emotion when you speak "I love you, Haechan. I'm in love with you, and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I fucked everything up, but I can’t undo it."

He feels his lungs fill with relief. Haechan steps forward to close the small gap between your bodies, grabbing your jaw to rest his forehead against yours. You falter, but his hand on the small of your back keeps you from going anywhere, he's practically panting and you can barely stand, dizzy with the feeling of him. You want to pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming when he whispers "You didn't fuck anything up."

He ghosts his lips over yours for a moment until he's sure you're not going to stop him. When he finally kisses you it's with years of pent up adoration, directing your arms around his neck and pressing his thumb firmly into your jaw, long fingers wrapping around the side of your throat. He practically whines when your fingers tighten in his hair and your lips part for his warm tongue. His arm wraps around your waist so tightly you have to hinge backward to keep your mouths connected, gasping at the strength you didn't know he had.

He keeps your stomach flush to his own and kisses you until you're practically limp in his arms, pulling away to breathe. His eyes are shut as he rubs his nose over yours

"I love you, too. I've been meaning to tell you for a while." All the blood rushes into your ears at his words and you can't stop your biggest worry from spilling into the air.

“What if you change your mind?”

“I made up my mind a long time ago, there's nothing you could do to change it." He blinks his eyes open, pulling his face away from yours just enough to see you, the trepidation in your eyes makes him say your name quietly.

"It's only me, you know me," he assures you in a hushed tone "you have to know by now that you are my entire world."

You could laugh, only him, as if he hasn’t been one of the most important people in your life since the day you met. As if he isn’t someone who has seen you at every stage of it so far. It’s Haechan, who has always been funny, who has witnessed the worst sides of you and never made you feel bad, who has never left your side.

You kiss him again, fingers wrapping in tight fists around his shirt to keep yourself grounded. Haechan’s heart pounds happily in his chest and he hopes you can feel it this time, both hands nestling into your hair. He kisses you gently in an effort to slow down your urgent movements, moaning at the taste of your mouth. You fall into his rhythm easily, the way his tongue rolls gently over yours makes your body go up in flames. You move your hands to slide beneath his shirt, landing on the strong muscles in his back and teasing your fingers up his sides.

When you finally come up for air he stares at you for a minute before laughing, stomach tightening beneath your fingers when he does.

"What's funny?" you shut your eyes, leaning your forehead into his chest, letting the pretty sound ring in your ears.

"Nothing, I'm just-" he cuts himself off with a shrug, nuzzling his nose into the crown of your head "I love you, and you love me back. That's all, that's how easy it is."

"It hasn't been easy at all, in fact my life has been very very hard since your birthday last year.” He pulls away from your head to ogle at you.

"My birthday last year?" You nod, feeling your cheeks flush under his intense gaze, it had really been that long "God, I'm sorry I'm such a fucking idiot."

He's kissing you again before you can ask him to elaborate, grabbing hold of both wrists in one hand while he walks you backward and guides you up onto the counter as slowly as he has to in order to keep his lips on yours. His hips are the perfect height for you to wrap your legs around, gasping in surprise when he slides his hands around your ass and presses your core tightly against the growing bulge in his jeans.

You feel shy when you pull away to ask if he wants to go to your bedroom, feeling frozen in place when he stares at you with half lidded eyes, his plump lips swollen and red.

"Tonight, I'm just kissing you." Every cell in his body is screaming in protest at his own words. He can't express how badly he wants to do everything else, to recreate his dreams, to learn the parts of your body he'd never seen before. But he can't imagine doing anything but this tonight, just this; his lips on yours, your breath in his lungs and your body melting into his.

"Why?” your eyebrows pull together in confusion. You practically shiver with need, tucking your arms between your stomachs and burying your nose in his throat. His laugh buzzes against your face, rubbing his hands gently over your shoulders and trying to control his own breathing as your lips brush over his skin.

All he can say is, “Because I’ve been needing to for a long time.”

“How long?” You pull away from his chest, leaning back onto your hands and closing your eyes when he runs his own down your sternum and over your waist, groping at the flesh of your hips and trying not to regret his romantic side.

“Way too long.”

“Your birthday?” you ask, tugging gently at his shirt. He plants his hands outside of your legs to lean in close, one corner of his mouth pulling up.

“Much longer.” Your eyes widen in shock, and he interrupts you before you can question him “can we talk about it later? I have something really important to do tonight.”

———

He tells you that he's had feelings for you since senior year of college, when you kissed Jeno. He tells you about his plan to admit everything when he had seen you on his birthday, but that he was too scared. He assures you he ended his relationship the moment he got back home the previous week “because everyone has felt like a matter of 'when' it will end, not 'if',” He tells you that just two weeks of your silence hurt worse than any previous heartbreak, and you agree. And before you fell asleep next to him he tells you again, ‘I'm so in love with you.’ and shimmies excitedly when you say it back before kissing you until you can barely keep your eyes open. He holds your cheeks in his hands and practically lulls you to sleep with his tongue, plush lips pressing to yours so gently you can hardly feel them dotting around the rest of your face. He thinks he could do this forever before sleep finally catches up with him, his arm slung over your side to hold your face to his chest.

You wake up curled into a familiar side, your first emotion being giddy as the night floods back to you. Despite your obvious willingness to go further, Haechan had meant it when he said he'd only be kissing you. It made you crazy at first, but when the two of you were staring at each other in the mirror with shy eyes while moving through a nighttime routine you had gotten familiar with years before, you were happy he had the self control you clearly lack. The idea of him actually seeing and touching you in ways he never had before, of doing all the things you'd found yourself imagining him doing over the last year; it was overwhelming. Kissing until your jaw was sore and your lips were swollen felt easy.

You’re startled by Haechan’s hand reaching for yours, holding your palm and bringing your fingers to his lips to press a kiss to each one, “good morning.” his voice is deep and tired, mouth landing on the crown of your head.

"Good morning." You press your nose into his chest happily, gripping his hand in yours and resisting the urge to squeal with delight.

"What are you so excited about, me?" He teases, hand falling on your thigh to guide your leg up the front of his, stopping just below his crotch and you hope he's going to give you what you'd been wanting all night, for the last year.

"You, I just can't believe how happy I am." You admit, lifting your head off of his chest to smile at him. He pulls you right back down, kissing your lips once before rolling you both over so he's on top of you. He presses a hand over your collarbone and drags his lips down your chin and over your throat.

"You know, this means you're all mine now." he smirks against your neck when you nod, gasping when he sucks gently at the base. He has one forearm on the mattress, the other hand too gentle on your ribs. You can feel that he's hard and you immediately roll your hips up.

"Does this mean you're gonna do more than just kiss me now?" you intend to sound confident, but it comes out as a whimper. His nose brushes over your jaw before he presses lingering kisses to your chin and cheek.

"Yes, baby, if you'll let me." You nod eagerly, shifting your face so your lips are beneath his and sighing happily when he lowers his weight onto your torso, licking into your mouth. You shiver with anticipation when he pushes at your shirt, long fingers tickling up your side before landing on your breast. You gasp into his mouth when his thumb brushes over your already hard nipple.

Your impatience is overwhelming, grabbing the back of his shirt and tugging it up to his shoulders. He pulls away reluctantly, reaching one hand toward his back and pulling his shirt over his head. You gnaw at your lip, running your hands over his stomach and hooking your knees around his hips as much as you can while stretching your arms over your head.

“Cute.” he murmurs, pulling your shirt up and tossing it to the side. He gropes at your chest, tongue wetting his lips before he leans down to wrap them around one of your nipples. He’s trying to act without thinking, to let the dreams he’s had pave the path down your body because he knows the second he acknowledges his nerves he won’t be able to shake them off. His heart thrums when you gasp above him, arching your chest into his mouth. He’s greedy for your sounds, his hands squeezing your breasts together and licking between them to get to the other nipple. When your hips buck up into his he groans, pulling away from your chest and staring down at you with wondering eyes.

“Can I?” He feels unnaturally shy, leaning back on his calves and watching his fingers press dimples into the flesh of your hips above your underwear, tugging at the hem.

“You don’t need to ask.” He smiles, forcing you to sit by grabbing the back of your neck for a kiss. His fingers press into your clothed core and your hips roll into his hand. He sighs into your mouth at your desperation, torn between teasing you and touching you everywhere.

You can’t keep your legs from shutting around his arm when he pushes your panties to the side and slides his middle and ring finger up your wet center, circling over your clit.

You pull away from the kiss, blinking up at him and your mouth falls open when he presses firmly on your clit, rubbing in slow circles. His head hangs as he lets out a quiet “fuck” at your reaction, moving his hand off your neck to stroke over your stomach and without it behind your head you have to lie back, he presses your legs open. Haechan stares at your chest while he settles between your knees, pushing two fingers inside your dripping core. His jaw hangs open, watching his knuckles disappear inside of you.

“So soft,” he breathes, staring down to where his fingers glisten when he pulls them out to rub over your clit again, palming over his cock getting harder in his sweats “want to be everywhere at once.”

“Want you everywhere.” you whine when his fingers pull away to hook into your underwear, tugging them down your legs. Haechan stands to strip and you hold your breath and soak in the soft swell of his hip that leads to where his cock hangs heavy between his legs. It’s pretty like the rest of him, and thicker than you'd expected with a leaking tip that matches the color of his tongue, he strokes himself once and you don’t get the chance to reach for him before he lays back on the bed, rolling you to sit on top of him. You shudder when your pulsing clit rubs over his stomach, inner thigh squeezing into his ribs. He runs his hands up your waist, scooting you an inch higher and grabbing onto your tits.

“Do you remember a few months ago, when you called me drunk and I told you I was dreaming about hanging out with you?” He shivers when you grind down in response, wet pussy sliding easily over his skin “I lied.”

Your hands press into his chest, tilting your head “what were we doing?” you can barely speak above a whisper when he pinches gently at your nipple with one hand, the other rubbing over your ribs when he smirks up at you.

“You were about a foot higher than you are right now,” you gasp and reach out to grab the headboard when he jolts his hips to move you up his chest, staring down at him with wide eyes as he shifts to wrap his arms under your legs, fingers pressing into your thighs.

“You dreamt about this?” you let him bring your hips to hover over his face, hands falling into his hair when he brushes his nose over your clit as he nods.

“All the time,” he moans and drags you down onto his face, lips wrapping around your clit. You shudder above him, letting some of your weight collapse into your heels and he groans happily at the pressure of you on his chin, pressing you harder onto his mouth to fuck his tongue into you. He wants to devour you, every sound you make goes straight to his cock which is already rock hard at the taste and smell of you. Even just thinking about the fact that it's your hips grinding over his face right now is enough to make him moan into your pussy.

You slur out praise, one of your hands shooting up to grip the headboard. His hands wander gently up your sides, eyes opening to stare up to where he plays with your tits, hard cock pulsing at the sight of your head thrown back, hips moving in gentle circles over his face. Haechan’s hand tugs yours down to his hair, trying to restrain himself from thrusting into the empty air at the feeling of you all over him. He hums happily into your pussy when you start to grind over his mouth, flattening his tongue for you to ride until your legs are shaking.

He lets out a deep “mmhmm” when you warn him that you’re going to cum, suckling hard on your clit until you’re practically begging him to let you go, body crumpling forward with both hands tangled in his hair. He's grateful you didn't touch his cock, just the thought of your fingers wrapped around him is enough to make him cum and he has other plans.

You can’t speak when you collapse onto the mattress beside him, immediately warmed by the weight of his body on top of yours as he slots himself between your thighs, sucking a hickey onto the front of your throat.

“Taste too fucking good,” he hums, mouthing over your chin and cheek “been dreaming of eating your sweet pussy for so long.” you practically swoon when he kisses you, pre-cum wetting the inside of your thigh when he relaxes his stomach onto yours.

“Hyuck, want you in me, please” Your vision is blurry, whining into his swollen lips. He works them over your cheek before pulling away from you, bringing one of your legs up to his shoulder and you rest the other knee on his hip. He can feel himself pant when he taps the head of his cock on your swollen clit, practically drooling when he sticks barely the tip inside before pulling back and repeating the tantalizing motion.

“Been waiting for too long to be teased,” you pout, trying to encourage his hips toward yours with the ankle he’s not pressing his cheek into. He smirks and circles his leaking tip over you again, watching his cock spread your arousal around before he pushes into you a little further.

“I’m taking my time with you, feels so fucking good.” He can’t look away from between your thighs, messy hair hanging over his forehead while his fingers grip your ankle tightly. You whimper when he pulls all the way out again, one more hard tap against your pulsing clit before he pushes himself halfway into your leaking pussy. You rise onto your elbows, trying to reach one hand to grab for his hip but he releases the base of his cock to stop you by lacing your fingers together. When Haechan finally looks into your eyes he bottoms out, stretching your leg toward your chest so he can lean in. His hips stutter, a choked groan rumbling deep in his chest.

“Oh my god, Hyuck please.” you beg him to move with a gasp. His forehead presses to your chin, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Fuck, baby, been needing you," he thrusts into you slowly, lifting his head to look down at you glowing beneath him with your eyes shut. He pulls out all the way before thrusting back inside, quickening his hips when your eyes flutter open, the look on your face enough to make his balls tighten slightly, shutting his eyes to regain self control "knew you'd feel so fucking good."

"M’so full, Haechan." you moan at his words and the rapid slap of his hips on the back of your thighs, forcing your eyes to stay open so you can see his face. The way his nose scrunches with focus when he pulls away from your chest, both his hands wrapping firmly around your hips while he watches his cock sink into you. Brown, shaggy hair sticks to his damp forehead, full lower lip taken between his teeth. He’s pure, unadulterated boyish beauty, and he’s all yours.

You squeak when he lets your leg drop off his shoulder, pressing your thigh as far open as it will go with your heel digging into his backside. He fans his fingers over your lower stomach, thumb reaching down to push your clit side to side and your hips tuck up for more pressure, Haechan moans loudly when the movement causes you to clamp around his cock, "Perfect fucking pussy, can't believe it's mine now. Like my fingers on your pretty clit?”

You nod enthusiastically, letting go of your breasts to hold the backs of your thighs, Haechan's eyes move up your body to stare at your chest move beneath him, nipples looking sweet as candy. He’s dying to sink his fingers into the softest part of your stomach, the way you’re moving for him makes his mind turn to sand. You stare down to where his thumb is making circles over your clit, perfectly timed with the head of his cock bruising your g-spot. You feel a second orgasm build and the corner of his mouth pulls up proudly when your legs shake. Your head hangs back as you gasp for air, "yes, please, Haechan feels so fucking good."

"Make the prettiest noises for me, want you cumming all over my cock." he leans forward just enough to trap your throat beneath the weight of his palms, other hand still moving over your swollen clit. You smile at the pressure of his body on yours, eyes fluttering shut while you moan. You nod desperately when he asks if you can do that, "if you can let me make you feel that good, please, my pretty girl."

He takes his hand off your throat when you cum, wanting to hear every sound you could possibly make. You repeat his name like a blessing that has him cumming with you, moaning and breathless as his hips start to slow, milking you both through your orgasms.

You wrap your arms around him when he pulls out of you, reveling in the feeling of him when he lowers himself down, burrowing his face into your neck and warming your skin with his breath. You hold him there for a minute until he pulls his head up, dopey smile lighting up his eyes and making you laugh.

“What?” you scrunch your nose at him “better than your dreams?”

He nods, “so much better, best I ever had, my body belongs to you now.” he smirks at his own words, but his tone is so gentle he can’t even call it a joke.

“Just your body?” you tease, and he leans his nose onto your lips for a kiss that you carry onto the mole under his eye.

“Body, mind, heart, soul,” he sighs happily when you cup his cheeks in your hands, kissing him gently “all the planets in my head.”

"All the planets in my head too."

————

masterlist

authors note // this ended up being much longer than i anticipated, maybe the longest one shot i’ve ever actually written! i appreciate everyone who voted for happy ending because when i was originally thinking of a sad ending it was too hard lol. this feels forever unfinished because there is so much good to this version of haechan, i adore him.

[jiniretracha]

Hello! Just saw your requests were open. I was wondering if I could request a long time friends to lovers with Taehyung?

Lots of unspoken tension, that sort of "everyone thinks we're dating but we totally aren't" vibe, where they've been friends with feelings so long that lines have been crossed. Lots of touchy closeness that's not really friendly, toy know? Sharing clothes.. cuddling in weird moments but it's just cos "he's cold".

Think Taehyung in Mexico and his newest Type 1 magazine. Beach vibes, shirtless, tanned skin, permanent drippy curls.. maybe that's what makes it snap? A trip together or a vacation at the beach?

It can haves smut or not, I'll leave that up to your inspiration for it.. have a nice day and thank you!

Friends, Just For Now - Kim Taehyung

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x fem!reader

Warnings: Fluff, slight smut, angst, mentions of pregnancy, hobi is kind of a bad friend? (i'm sorry)

Summary: Kim Taehyung, your best friend since you two were kids had invited you to Mexico in hopes for you to get over your ex. Kim Taehyung, the same man who you've had the biggest and most pathetic crush on since you can remember.

Word count: 9k (got carried away sorry)

PS: this ask was fire, thank you for sending it!

MASTERLIST // my Ko-Fi

Your feet touched Mexico ground and you inhaled the fresh air of the Yucatán Peninsula. In your mind, words of gratitude started popping up towards your best friend, Kim Taehyung. A man who had been by your side since you were 10 years old. He had convinced you to take a break from work and go on a trip with him to relax, and while you were dubious about it, he had been very insistent and used his superpower (his puppy eyes and pouty lips) which worked like magic. 

And that’s how you got there. 

Taehyung appeared next to you, wearing that charming smile that was always perched on his handsome face. 

Oh, that. 

Yeah… 

The moment you realised you were in love with your best friend, you puked. It was back when you were 16, at a party. He had just debuted with his bandmates and he had taken you out to celebrate with them. You were chatting up with Kyungmin, Nam’s little sister, while she insisted on trying a new drink that she had seen on the internet. As you were chugging up the drink that Kyungmin had pushed into your hands, you got a glimpse of Taehyung talking to a girl. It seemed flirty but they weren’t touchy. Yet, it made your insides burn with jealousy and suddenly, you had only one thought in your mind: I’m in love with my best friend. 

You quickly put the drink down on the table and ran towards the bathroom, closing the door with a shove of your foot and emptying your insides in the toilet. 

It had been eleven years since then. Eleven years of constant pining and obliviousness from his part. 

You had seen him date all around, with idols, models, and beautiful women which you obviously couldn’t compete with. You were out of his league, you had always been sure of it. He never looked at you the way you looked at him, so at one point you gave up the fight.

It wasn’t that your feelings went away. No. Of course not. But you stopped hoping one day he’d turn to you and confess his undying love for you, which by the looks of it, seemed close to impossible. So, you started to date around and hook up with other men, in hopes to find your soulmate and the love of your life all in one, and mainly to stop thinking those two things could ever be found in Kim Taehyung. 

Your last relationship, Eunwoo, lasted for about two and a half years. It had been your longest relationship and you were genuinely in love with him. It had ended two months ago and it hurt. 

You ended the relationship amicably and unanimously, feeling like it was for the better to go separate ways. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t hurting you. He had been nothing but the sweetest towards you and there was not even an ounce of resentment that you felt for him. 

So, Taehyung, being as attentive as he had always been (except for realising you were pathetically in love with him), thought that it was for the best to take two weeks off to put an end to your misery and to stop focusing so much on your job, something you started doing since you and Eunwoo broke up, mostly to take your mind off your thoughts. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Taheyung asked. “Do you smell the beach from here?”

“Tae, we’re literally miles away from the beach” you snorted. “But yeah. I like it so far”

He chuckled and put an arm over your shoulder, as he pulled you closer to his body. “You’ll love it by the end of it. You just have to see the resort I booked for the two of us” he stated excitedly. 

A car pulled up in front of you and he opened the door for you to get in. 

You bowed your head down at his chivalrous gesture and got inside the car. He shut the door once he got inside himself and sighed, placing a hand over your thigh. The action made your insides jump and twist around. As you met his gaze, he smiled at you. “We’re gonna have so much fun!” he squealed.

You sure hope you did. 

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

You pulled up to the resort and the driver helped you with your bags while you walked inside with Tae next to you. You couldn’t help but gasp as soon as you walked inside the hotel hall, the ceiling was so tall and had paintings across it, while the floor was marbled white and grey. 

“Tae, how much did this cost you?” you asked in a hushed voice.

“Don’t worry about it, hon” he chuckled.

“No, seriously. You know, I could never afford a week here, let alone two” you said as you looked around. 

“Well, I can. And I sure as hell will use all my money to spoil you, okay?” he asked. 

You sighed defeatedly and nodded. “Alright, but can I at least pay you back in some way?” you asked.

“Yeah, you already are. By agreeing to be here with me and actually coming here with me” he told you.

You smiled and followed him as he walked towards the reception desk. 

“Hi, I have a reservation under Kim Taehyung” he told the receptionist.

The receptionist nodded and quickly typed in his name as Tae handed him the papers and his ID.

“A reservation for two, a double room with one king sized bed, all inclusive, that’s correct?” the receptionist read.

You frowned. A double room with ONE bed??. 

You were about to protest when Taehyung nodded. “Yeah, that’s right” he replied.

You pulled your face back in surprise but didn’t say anything. That was a conversation for later. 

“Okay, great. The bellboy will be here in a moment to take your luggage, here’s the key to your room, floor 7, room 706. Have a great stay” he smiled and Tae thanked him back, grabbing the card. 

You wordlessly followed Taehyung to the elevator and as the door closed, you turned around. 

“One bed? Seriously?” you asked him.

Tae looked at you, unaware of what you were protesting about. “Um, yeah? Why?” he asked. You chuckled humorlessly, like it was clearly obvious. “We’ve shared beds before, what’s the deal?”

That was true. You’ve shared beds in your adolescence and adulthood multiple times. Probably more than you can count. But the thing was that, ever since you’ve started dating Eunwoo, you haven’t shared a bed. And that was almost three years ago. 

“It’s been a while… I guess I forgot” you mumbled.

“Well, I didn’t. And I never minded sharing a bed with you” Taehyung explained. “In fact, you’re gonna be thanking me later that I booked one bed for the two of us when you feel how cold it gets here during the night”

“You’ve been here before?” you asked Taehyung.

“Yeah, the boys and I have taken weeks off multiple times here, so…” he shrugged. 

“You asked me one time to go with you” you remembered. 

The elevator dinged, meaning you arrived to your floor. “Yeah, I did” he chuckled and you both stepped out of the elevator together. “Why didn’t you come, though? I never asked you. Even Kyungmin went with us”

Truth be told, Taehyung was dating this girl called Jiwoo, his last relationship, and she hated your guts. It was understandable, though. You two had been attached to the hip ever since you’ve met but Jiwoo made your hangouts with Tae miserable. And you didn’t want to third-wheel them, so you chose not to go. 

“Oh, yeah, I… don’t remember” you lied. 

He just hummed and greeted the bellboy who had already arrived and was standing there with your luggage. 

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

Tae plopped on the bed and let out a content sigh, feeling the mushy comforter around him. He saw you from the corner of his eye as you put your bags down. 

“I really wanna try the shower” you told him once you took a peek of the bathroom. “This bathroom is ridiculously big” 

He smiled as he looked at your doe-eyes getting bigger and shiny while staring at something so simple as a bathroom. 

Taehyung couldn’t help but admire you from afar. Like he always did. Like he’d been doing since he was 13. And ever since then, his friends had gotten used to him sighing and daydreaming about different scenarios in which you were his and him blabbering non-stop about how magical, unique, beautiful, breathtaking (the list goes on) you were. He had loved you for more than a decade, and he’s still there, trying to make you see just how much he loves you and how in love he is with you and everything that is you. Because that’s what you are to him: everything. 

But you just don’t see it. 

“Tae?” you asked.

“Yeah?” 

“I’m gonna go shower” you told him again.

He realised he hadn’t given you an answer. He was too busy daydreaming about you. Once again. “Oh, yeah, sure. Go ahead. I’m gonna put our bags over there” he told you, standing up from the bed. 

“Okay”

He heard the door close and a couple of moments later, the shower running. He took his phone out and texted his friend group chat. 

Tae: we’ve arrived, hyung.

Nam: that’s great, Tae. 

Kook: The only thing i’m gonna tell you is that if you don’t come home with y/n as your gf, then you’re leaving the band. Simple as that.

Yoongi: okay, kook. Maybe next time try not to be so harsh?

Kook: sorry, hyung

Yoongi: no, wait, but seriously

Yoongi: are you telling her?

Jimin: omg please!! I’m tired of the constant pining that’s been over way too long!!!!!

Dramatic ass, Taehyung thought.

Tae: i am planning to, yes. Don’t pressure me

Kook: sorry, tae :((( 

Hoseok: good luck, mate :)

Taehyung left his phone by the nightstand with that last message, that had him frowning and started tidying up the room.

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

You finished your shower and wrapped yourself up with a towel. You dried your hair, rubbed your lotion over your body and your eyes started looking around for your clean clothes… until you remembered you didn’t bring any.

With a sigh, you let the towel you were drying your hair with fall to the floor and grabbed the door handle.

“It’s fine… it’s just Tae…” you whispered to yourself.

You opened the door and quietly stepped out of the bathroom. 

“Oh, Y/N, I put your bag over-” his words died on his throat when he saw you getting out of the bathroom only wearing a towel that fell just above your knees. He stood frozen in his place as he stared at you, shamelessly running his eyes over your figure.

“I uh… sorry, I forgot to bring clean clothes with me” you chuckled, nervously. You brought your hand over to your face to brush a strand of hair over your ear and smiled at him. “Where did you say you put my bag again?” you asked, chewing on your bottom lip, a nervous habit you’ve had and he noticed. 

His eyes widened. “Oh, uh, over- over there” he said with slight stammering in his voice, pointing at the corner of the room, right next to where he was standing. 

“Oh thank you” you told him with a grin and walked over to him.

Taehyung had to try so hard not to let his body react to you wearing only a towel, only to have you so close to him he could smell the vanilla lotion that was freshly rubbed on your skin. His hands clenched into fists when he turned around to look at you again, finding you bent over as you searched for your clothes. He quickly turned around once again and grabbed his phone, trying to seem immersed into it. 

You shut yourself inside the bathroom again and let out all the breath you were holding. 

What the hell was that about?

You quickly put some clothes on and got out of the bathroom again. 

“Hey, I was thinking…” Tae said as soon as you got out of the bathroom. He met your eyes and you couldn’t help but feel butterflies flying inside your stomach. “It’s already eight, we can go downstairs and grab a bite? We can bring the food here and watch a movie or a show? Whatever you want”

You smiled at him. “Oh, can we please, please, please continue watching House of the Dragon?” you pleaded, putting your hands together and pouting.

As if I could ever, ever say no to that face, Tae thought.

“Yeah sure” he smiled.

I am in too deep…

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

You two went to the bar next to the lobby, while Taehyung put an arm over your shoulder as you both looked around. 

“What do you want to eat?” Tae asked you. 

“I’m feeling like eating some burgers right now” you replied.

He arched an eyebrow. “With fries?” 

“And coke” you smirked.

“You read my mind” he chuckled, and you hugged his middle. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom, hon. Will you order for me? You know my usual”

“Okay!” you nodded.

He walked away and you went towards the bar as you looked at the menu. 

“Hi ma’am. You ready to order?” the woman behind the bar asked you.

“Yeah, um, I want a double burger with egg and cheddar, and a double with bacon and cheese. Both with fries and a soda. To go, please” you said to her.

“Great” she clicked on the buttons and smiled at you. “Your order will be right away, would you like some dessert?”

“Yeah, vanilla ice cream?”

She typed in your order and you looked around at the bar, noticing how pretty the place that Tae brought you was. 

“Can I ask you something?” the woman asked. 

You looked at her and frowned, confused. “Um, yeah, sure. What’s up?” you asked her. 

“The guy that was with you just about now, was he your boyfriend?” she asked you.

“Um… no” you said, hesitantly.

“Oh, could you ask him for his number for me? He’s really cute and-”

“He’s my husband” you quickly said, angrily. 

The woman’s smile fell and his cheeks turned red from embarrassment. “I’m- I’m so sorry” she stammered. She quickly walked away, pretending to be busy with other customers while you tried to soothe down the rage building up in your stomach. 

You waited for the food while scrolling over twitter. You felt a body sit next to you and you looked up to find your husband next to you.

“Hey, you ordered already?” he asked you.

“I did. I ordered the bacon and cheese one for you” you told him.

“Great, I was dying for it” Tae sighed. He looked at you and noticed the worry lines over your forehead. “Everything okay, honey?” he asked you, placing a hand over yours. 

“Yeah!” you nodded, smiling at him, trying to seem as chirpy as you could. “Everything’s fine”

Taehyung nodded and the woman who had asked you for Tae’s number appeared with a bag with your food. 

“Enjoy your food” she said, without meeting anybody’s fazes.

You didn’t say anything as you grabbed the bag and hopped off the stool. 

Taehyung noticed the woman’s strange behaviour and how you didn’t say or comment anything to it. 

Once you got back to your room, you were sitting on the bed, with Tae next to you, who had put a blanket over the comforter as a tablecloth, while you ate your burgers and watched House of the Dragon.

“Hey, can I ask you something, Y/N?” Tae asked you, after taking a sip of his soda.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Did you notice the girl at the bar acting weird? Or was it just me? She looked like… embarrassed or scared, I don’t know” Tae said. “Oh shit, maybe she recognized me and was like- you know- intimidated”

You snorted, shoving a fry inside your mouth. “It wasn’t that, Tae” you said, while chewing. 

Tae frowned. “You know what happened?” 

You swallowed your fry and gulped it down. “Yeah…” You sighed. 

Tae looked at you expectantly. “Well… do tell!” 

“Okay! Okay, geez” you sighed. “The girl asked for your number, basically” 

Taehyung snorted. “That’s it?” he smirked and you nodded. “And what did you do? Tell her off? Intimidate her?”

“No, she- okay, so she first asked me if you were my boyfriend and I said no, and then, she was like ‘Oh, thank God! I want you to give me his number’” you mimicked her voice while Taehyung tried to contain his laughter. “And my stupid, idiotic brain just blurted out that you were my husband”

Tae couldn’t contain it anymore and he spluttered out a furious cackle while you sat there, shocked. 

“I don’t know why you find it so amusing” you frowned.

“Because it’s hilarious!”

“What’s hilarious?” 

“That you’re jealous!”

You frowned even deeper. “I am not jealous, Taehyung” you said.

Tae swallowed when you used his name. 

“I just hated that she didn’t even talk to you, and just straight up thought you were hot, without even- what are you giving me that look for?” you sighed when you saw Tae’s smirk growing bigger and bigger by the minute.

“I just think you’re cute when you get jealous” he giggled.

“I am not jealous!” you said and threw a pillow to his head. 

“Okay, okay!” he whined, covering his head in fears of getting another pillow thrown at him. “You’re not jealous! Got it”

“That’s better, now pass me the vanilla ice cream. I’m hungry” you said.

“Yes wife” he said with a smirk.

“Kim Taehyung. You’re sleeping on the floor tonight” you said sternly and he cackled. 

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

After downing all the ice cream tube between the two of you, and two House of the Dragon episodes later, you let out a yawn. “Fuck, I’m so tired” you sighed.

“Let’s go to sleep. Tomorrow we have a beach day” he smiled excitedly. 

“Great” you muttered, hoping off the bed. 

You walked towards your suitcase and started searching around for your pajamas… when you came to the realization that you didn’t pack any. 

“Shit” you whispered-yelled to yourself.

“Everything okay?” Tae asked from the bed, taking his eyes off his phone.

“I didn’t bring any pajamas” you told him, shutting the suitcase with anger. “I must have left them on the bed”

“Oh” Tae said and, to your surprise, he grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled it over his head. He walked shirtless towards you and handed it to you. “Here, wear it”

“Oh… thank you” you smiled, trying to ignore the constant and annoying butterflies swarming inside your stomach. 

“No problem” he smiled and then went back to bed.

You went to the bathroom to brush your teeth and change into his shirt. You sighed again when you realized you didn’t pack any fabric shorts, you had only packed jean shorts. 

Once you came out, you got under the comforter and looked at him. “Tae, do you mind if I sleep without… well, um, pants?” you asked him.

“Yeah. No- no problem” he said, getting flushed himself.

“I only packed jean shorts. I’m an idiot, I’m sorry” you apologized.

“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry” Tae smiled at you. “No biggie”

“Okay…”

You got comfortable under the comforter as Tae slipped from the bed to brush his teeth himself. You were deep in thought, as you closed your eyes, trying to soothe down your nerves. 

After a few minutes, you fell into a slight slumber when you felt the bed dip slightly and Tae’s calm breathing.

“Sweet dreams…” he said and pressed a kiss to your shoulder. “...wife”

“Shut up” you muttered.

His tiny chuckle was the last thing you heard before you fell asleep.

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

The sunlight crept in the room, blinding you and making you open your eyes as you woke up from your sleep. You blinked a couple of times and pressed your head deeper into the comfortable hotel pillow. 

You exhaled with content when you felt a weight over your waist and a nose, that was breathing in and out comfortably, pressed against the back of your neck.

Your eyes widened when you realised that it was in fact Taehyung who was pressed up against you, spooning you from behind with his whole body pressed against yours. You bit your lip and pressed your eyes shut with a whine coming from the back of your throat. 

With a little wiggle, you tried to get out of his embrace, only to be pulled back by his strong arms against his chest.

This type of cuddling wasn’t any news to you or strange. You used to cuddle like this lots of times in the past. But that was three years ago. 

Taehyung pressed his nose harder against your neck and inhaled. “Your shampoo smells amazing” he whispered. 

Didn’t he find this strange? 

“It’s literally the same that you used last night” you told him. 

He chuckled sleepily. “Yeah… but I think it smells better on you” he whispered back. 

You pressed your lips together and sighed. “Why are you holding me so tight?” you tried to seem nonchalant when you were dying from the nerves from the inside. 

“It’s cold” he told you. “And you’re warm and comfortable, so…” 

“Oh…”

“Besides, don’t act like you didn’t miss being my teddy bear” he giggled, as he pressed his cheek against your shoulder. 

“I did…” you whispered.

“I know” he sighed.

You decided that you couldn’t do anything about it and to enjoy feeling his arms around you. You wiggled a little to get more comfortable, only to feel Taehyung still around you. “What?” you asked and the next question you wanted to ask died in your throat when you felt him stirring in his pants against the curve of your ass.

Holy shit.

“Um, fuck” Tae said and sat up quickly on the bed. “I’m so sorry, Y/N”

“No, it’s okay. It’s- I mean, it’s normal” you said, turning around to look at him. 

He didn’t say anything and shut himself inside the bathroom. A few minutes later, you heard the shower start running and you let out a sigh, letting your hand fall over your forehead. 

What the hell was that about?

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

The beach of Yucatán was so pretty, it was literally taken out of your bestest dreams. The sand was almost color white and the Caribbean sea was literally transparent light blue. You gasped when you walked down the wooden road while Tae admired your amazed face. 

“Oh my God, this place is so beautiful” you gasped.

“I know, right?”

You turned to look at him only to find him staring at you with a smile, which made you blush and look away from him. 

A few moments later, you had a towel laid down on the sand after throwing your clothes into a pile, leaving you two in your swimsuits and were immersed in a UNO game.

“You can’t do that!” he gasped. “You can’t throw a reverse under a plus four, that’s not in the rules” he argued, pouting like a little child.

“Like hell I can’t, Tae” You frowned. “Don’t be such a baby, you just made me eat eight”

“Yeah, well you had it coming” he muttered. “Uno”

You chuckled and threw another plus four to him. 

Taehyung lifted his gaze towards you and sighed. “I hate you… so much” he mumbled and started taking the cards.

A few moments later, you had won the round and celebrated with a triumphant smile. “You suck! And I rock!” You teased him with a sing-song voice.

Out of the blue, Tae tackled your body to the sand and hovered over you.

“Take that back” he whispered, his breath was hitting your face and your heart picked up its pace.

You licked your lips nervously and his eyes fell to it. “Nope” you whispered.

“Want me to make you take it back?” he hummed.

You were about to reply to him, deciding to throw every ounce of dignity you had, until that dignity was thrown away unexpectedly when your stomach made an angry growl noise. 

Tae looked down at your stomach and giggled. “Somebody’s hungry” he said. “Want me to go order something by the bar?”

“Yeah, please” You whispered.

He smiled and patted your arm. “Be right back”

You sat up and watched him walk away with a sigh. He made you so nervous even your body was embarrassing you. You were so close to just throwing everything out the window and to just kiss him, but that damn hunger- the real one- interrupted your brief moment of courage. 

Your thoughts were interrupted with a woman talking to you. “Hey, sorry, miss. Is this seat taken?” she asked, grabbing a lounge chair. 

“Yeah, sorry” you winced. 

“It’s okay” the woman told you. “You and your boyfriend looked so into that UNO game I didn’t want to interrupt” she chuckled.

You opened your mouth, feeling a weird feeling in your stomach. 

Two people already got the feeling you and Taehyung were dating. And it had only been on this trip alone. You couldn’t deny that it was usual for you two to get called a couple. You didn’t have enough hands to count the times you two were mistaken for couples, anywhere you’d go. But that had been so long ago, it felt unfamiliar now. 

“Oh- uh, yeah” you chuckled. “I was kicking his ass, so…” you said, making the woman chuckle and walk away. 

You turned your head around and stared at the sea, trying to calm the nerves. 

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

You and Taehyung had already gulfed down the tacos he had ordered for the both of you, and sipped on the martinis. 

“This is so good” you almost moaned. “I can’t recall when was the last time I had an alcoholic drink this good”

“Yeah, me too. Jungkook sucks ass at making drinks” Tae chuckled.

“I know, right? I thought it was just me!” you laughed.

“No, oh God, we all hate it. That’s why Namjoon had to take his place, even if he doesn’t drink that often” Tae told you. “The other day, he tried mixing red wine, vodka and rum, with that little lemon he likes to put by the edge of the glass” 

“Oh god, what an awful combination” you faked a gag. “That’s literally the rule. You don’t mix vodka and red wine together”

“Yeah, me and Yoongi were trying so hard not to puke from disgust, I swear” He shook his head, sipping on his drink. 

“How’s Yoongi, by the way?” you asked him. “I remember he broke up with that girl he was seeing”

“Oh, he’s fine” Tae shrugged. “He’s been weird about it for a couple of weeks but now he’s cool”

“He really liked her, though” you remembered. 

“Yeah, but the girl was still in contact with her ex and Yoongi didn’t like it, he confronted her about it and she kept lying straight to his face” Tae told you. “Apparently, not long after they ended things, she got back with the ex, so…”

“What a loser” you frowned. “That’s so lame, honestly. Why would you get someone’s hopes up and make them feel things for you when you’re hung up on somebody else?” 

“I know, right?” Tae sighed. “What about you?”

You looked at him. “What about me?” 

“Have you… you know… have you been seeing someone after Eunwoo?” he asked you, feeling shy all of a sudden. 

“Oh! No, no, no” you shook your head, “no dating for me”

“Still not over Eunwoo?” he asked you.

“No, I am over him. I just haven’t felt like going out with someone” you told him. “It’s not that I’m not ready either, I just haven’t looked for somebody”

Thank God, Tae thought. He just let out a hum and took a sip from his martini. “You’ve talked to him since… well, the break up and all?” 

“Yeah, sometimes” you shrugged. “He’s been seeing his co-worker for two weeks now. She’s pretty cute, so I’m happy for him” you smiled with truth in your voice. 

He looked at you and noticed you weren’t lying about it. You were serious, he could sense it in the way you spoke about it. “I still don’t understand why you guys broke up, though” he said sincerely.

“Um, honestly? I didn’t feel that way for him anymore” you said, shocking him to his core. 

His eyebrows arched. “Really?”

You nodded. “Yeah. I loved him, yeah. I mean, I still do. Just… I’m not in love with him anymore. That’s the difference” you explained. “He’s still a very good friend of mine and we’ve agreed to still continue with our friendship and that’s what we’re doing”

Tae frowned. “But you were sad about breaking up with him”

“Well, I was sad, yeah. But mostly because I felt bad I had this perfect relationship and I couldn’t love him like he deserved. I had this amazing thing in my hands but… I didn’t want it” you shrugged.

Tae shrugged too. “Makes sense”

“No, it doesn’t. But it’s okay. I’ve made my peace with it” you smiled at him.

Tae smiled back at you and then his eyes found the gaze of a man directed to your ass. He narrowed his eyes and quickly put his martini on the table in front of you, and then grabbed yours too, taking you by surprise. 

“What-?”

“That guy’s staring at your ass, it’s pissing me off” Tae said. 

You widened your eyes. “He’s behind me?” you whispered.

“Yeah” he said. “Fuck, he’s still doing it” he whispered angrily. He didn’t want to admit it to you, but his anger was scaling levels that he didn’t know they existed. He placed a hand on your waist and pulled you against his chest, eliciting a gasp from you, as your hand fell against his shirtless chest.

“Tae- what?” you asked.

“Don’t freak out, just trust me” Tae said and before you knew it, he was kissing you.

But not just a simple kiss.

The man was devouring your mouth, gripping your waist tightly with his palm while his lips moved furiously against yours. You couldn’t help but kiss him back, feeling your underwear starting to get wetter by the second. His wet mouth was so arousing and your hand unconsciously danced its way up to his neck.

A particular movement he made with his hand over your waist, elicited goosebumps over your skin and a gasp to fly out of your mouth, which allowed him to slip his tongue inside your mouth and you gladly let him. His body got closer to yours and his hand slipped from your waist to the small of your back, pulling you against his chest.

He pulled away first, mostly because of the basic need of stupid air. 

You sat panting, with lips swollen and wide eyes as you stared at him. “Is he still looking?” you asked.

Tae lifted his gaze towards the man, who had at one point stood up and walked away. Of course he didn’t notice, he was too busy sucking faces with you to do so. 

“Yeah…”

“Then, kiss me again…” you found the courage to say.

Tae smiled slightly and kissed you once again, using his body to push you down on the towel you had both laid on the sand to sit on. Your arms curled around his neck and he leant half his body over you. One of his hands, laid on the towel to keep himself hovered over you while the other gripped your waist and caressed, up and down. 

He couldn’t help himself but groan against your lips, and feeling needier than ever, his hand danced its way down to your hip and to your leg as his lips continued bruising yours. 

Taehyung pulled away once again, but this time, with no plans on stopping. His kisses drifted down to your neck, sucking and biting the tender skin there while his hand gripped your leg. 

“Tae…” you whispered in his neck. 

“Fuck” he groaned and continued kissing your neck, as his nose brushed under the sensitive spot you had behind your ear. 

“Um, excuse me!” a chirpy voice made you both jump. You two pulled away and looked up to find a man that was dressed and looked like a hotel worker. 

“Yeah?” you asked, out of breath, the blood rushing to your face.

“Could you um… tone it down a little?” the man asked, kind of flushed.

“Y-yeah, sorry” you said, feeling your cheeks getting redder. 

“Thank you” the man said with a bow of his head and walked away.

“Holy shit” Tae laughed and you hit his shoulder.

“Don’t laugh, we could’ve been kicked out of the beach” you couldn’t help but laugh as well. 

Tae sat staring at your lips while you tried to even your breath. You turned around and saw that the spot next to yours was empty. 

“He walked away, didn’t he?” you asked.

Tae shrugged. “Well, we did literally make out like teenagers in front of him” he said and you snorted, feeling your face getting two times even redder than before. “It was nice, though” 

You looked at him and pulled your face back. “What… felt nice?” you said quietly.

“The kiss. It was nice” he said and licked his lips.

Damn him.

“Yeah… it was” you nodded.

He smiled and couldn’t help but press another kiss to your lips. You sat there, still shocked, but not wasting time and kissing him back. He pulled away and pressed a  kiss to your cheek. “I’m gonna get another margarita, you want one?”

You frowned. “Tae, we were drinking martinis” 

He frowned and realised you were right. It might have been the dizziness he was feeling from kissing the love of his life for the first time. “Oh, did we? Right, same shit. Be right back” he said and walked away.

“Okay” you chuckled. 

You looked over your shoulder as you watched him walk towards the bar. You let out a content sigh and pressed a hand over your chest, feeling your racing heart calm down. 

As you were staring at the sea, you felt a phone vibrating and you dug your hand inside your purse. You found your screen empty with notifications so you frowned. 

Maybe it’s Tae’s, you thought.

It kept on buzzing, and thinking it was a phone call, you grabbed his phone. 

Once you took a look at the screen, you couldn’t help but feel your heart drop to the pit of your stomach. 

Jiwoo: can we talk?

Jiwoo: you can’t keep ignoring me, tae. You know it

Jiwoo: the test came out positive

Jiwoo: i’m so scared

Jiwoo: I don’t know what to do

You gasped as soon as you read the text messages on his screen.

The test? What test?

Tae was about to be a father and here he was, vacationing with you and kissing you, and giving you the wrong idea. 

You scoffed and let the phone fall inside the bag while you stared into the ocean, trying your hardest not to cry or crumble in front of a lot of unknown faces. 

Tae came back a few moments later with a margarita in his hand and left it on the little table. 

“Wow, I just took a sip from this drink and it’s so frozen, it hurt my head. But it was sick” Tae said with a chuckle. 

He sat down and looked at you, placing a hand on your thigh.

“Hey… you okay?” 

“Yeah” you mumbled. You started to grab your things, making Taehyung frown, confused at your sudden coldness you were showing towards him. “I’m gonna uh… I’m gonna go to our room. I don’t feel very well, honestly” you told him. 

“Woah, wait, Y/N!” he tried calling you.

You didn’t say anything and walked away. 

He sat there, so confused, but let you go, thinking that maybe you needed to be alone. But then, he also thought… what if you regretted the kiss? Maybe for you it was just an innocent kiss to show an asshole that you didn’t want to have your ass being ogled like that. What if, under the little while he left to get a new drink, you started thinking that maybe for him it wasn’t just a friendly innocent kiss? 

The amount of unanswered questions started flying inside his mind, making his head hurt. The alcohol he was literally gulping down like it was water wasn’t helping either. 

He felt his phone buzzing from a call and he sighed, taking it.

“Hello?”

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

You slammed the door behind you and fell to the bed, feeling the need to cry about the whole situation. You couldn’t help the racking sobs that violently spilled out of you. 

The love of your life was possibly having a baby with another woman, the one you loathed and loathed you back. 

He had just kissed you like you meant the world for him… but it was just for show. While he had someone back home, who was pregnant with his baby. 

You grabbed your phone and quickly dialed Kyungmin’s number, feeling the urgent need to talk to her and hear her soothing words.

“Hey, girlie? How’s Mexico? I saw your insta story. That beach looks sick as fuck!” Kyungmin’s relaxing voice came through the phone speakers.

“Min… I- I don’t know what to do” you sobbed.

“Yo, yo, Y/N, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Did something happen?” she bombarded you with questions.

“Everything’s okay… I mean, it’s not, but I’m not like- like hurt… physically or anything” you explained.

“Okay, but why are you crying?” she asked urgently.

You let out a tired sigh and palmed your face. “I… so, today we were at the beach, with Taehyung and long story short there was this guy who was like- like staring at my ass or something” you explained, trying to calm down your tears, while Kyungmin hummed. “And Tae’s idea was to kiss me, to show that man that I was taken or something like that. We like, totally made out” you said.

“Okay? But that’s a good thing” Kyungmin said.

“Of course it is… but the thing is that when we stopped, he went to get another drink and everything was okay after that but… but then his phone started buzzing with text messages and I thought it was mine at first but then I realized that it was his phone. So, I grabbed it and I saw messages from Jiwoo” you whispered that last part.

“No! That bitch is still in contact with him?” she gasped.

“And that’s not even the worst part!” you almost exploded. “She kept texting him about a test coming out positive” she said.

Kyungmin went silent. “No way, Y/N” she mumbled in disbelief.

“Yes way” you sniffled. “The guy I love with everything I got is going to have a baby… with a woman that it’s not me! With a woman that spent their entire relationship rubbing it in my face that she was dating him and that made everything within her reach to isolate me from Taehyung” 

“Wow, darling. I don’t- I don’t know what to say” she told you. “Maybe you should talk to him?”

“And say what? ‘Hey! I looked through your text messages! Are you going to be a dad?’” you mocked. “I’m gonna sound so stupid!”

“Well, but you can’t live with that burden. And if that’s the case, he’s gonna tell you. He’s not gonna hide that from you, are you kidding me? You’re his best friend” she told you. “And plus, Taehyung hates her. She kept on flirting with other people while being with him, are you kidding? Do you think he’s that stupid to sleep with that girl again months after they broke up and risk getting her pregnant? Come on, Tae may be a little bit silly but he’s not that silly” Kyungmin tried soothing your nervous wreck that was going on inside your head. 

You heard feet shuffling behind the hotel door and you quickly sat up on the bed.

“Fuck, Min. Tae’s coming, I gotta go” you sniffled, swiping your sleeve over your nose. “Love you and thank you”

“Love you too, babe. Tell me how it goes” she said to you and you quickly hung up. 

Tae opened the hotel room door with a heavy sigh and shut it behind him. He came into view with a stressed out face, giving you a pang on the stomach. 

He sat on the bed and left his phone next to him. 

“Are you okay?” he asked with a small voice.

“Yeah” you deadpanned. 

“No, I know you’re not” he stated.

“Then, why do you ask, Taehyung?” You asked, snapping at him. Something you’ve never done to him before.

He looked down and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry” he started.

Yeah, you should be, you thought to yourself.

“I- I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. I just got carried away. I hated seeing that guy with his eyes posed on you like that. I hated it” he said and your eyebrows furrowed. What was he even apologizing for?. He turned around to look at you properly and his face fell, seeing your red face from crying. “The thing is, Y/N, I really like you. And I used that as an excuse to kiss you, and I know it’s wrong, and I’m so, so sorry-”

“Yo, Taehyung, no…” you said, laughing humorlessly.  “What are you even apologizing for? For kissing me? Really?” 

“Yeah…” 

You closed your eyes and looked away. “I can’t believe you right now” you murmured.

Tae was so confused. “What…? Shouldn’t I? I mean… I kissed you without asking you-”

“You kissing me was not what bothered me, Tae” you said. 

“Then, what bothered you? Why are you crying?” he asked, raising his voice.

“It’s the fact that you kissed me while you’re still fucking your ex, that’s what bothered me. Because, news flash, I’ve liked you since we’ve been fucking teenagers, Taehyung” you spat angrily. His eyes widened at your sudden confession, but then furrowed. “And now, you got her pregnant? Are you kidding me, Tae? The audacity a man has to have to do that, my God” 

“Yo, what?” he asked, now even ten times more confused than he was before. “Who’s pregnant and I’m not fucking my ex!” Taehyung said loudly. 

“Then why did she say the ‘test’ came out positive?” 

“You were snooping on my phone!” he said, frowning.

You narrowed your eyes. “Don’t change the conversation topic, you… idiot! Tell me! Give me a fucking explanation!” 

“Why are you so mad? I’m telling you, I’m not having a child with anybody and I’m not fucking anybody!” he said.

“You’re lying! Why was she texting you?” you asked him. The sudden feeling of embarrassment hit you. You were in no position to say these things to him, but at the same time, he was confusing you like a damn playboy. Like he didn’t care about your feelings. Like you two hadn’t been friends for over a decade. 

He sighed. “Jiwoo? That’s who you’re referring to?” he asked.

“Yes…” 

Tae bit his lip and looked away. “I’m not fucking her, Y/N. Okay?” he said. “But yes, she’s pregnant. She told me, but not because I am the father”

“Then why did she tell you that? And why was she so worried, Tae-”

“Would you let me finish a sentence?” Tae said calmly and you huffed, but then, nodded. “Okay… you- you know that me and Hobi haven’t been on speaking terms lately, right?”

You nodded slowly.  “Yeah… you never told me why, though”

“Well, it does have a logical reason as to why I’m not talking to him” he told you. “The truth is… fuck, I’m so embarrassed to say this”

You saw him struggling and you got closer to him. You placed a hand on his and gave him a nudge. 

He looked at your eyes and let out a little breath. “Hobi slept with Jiwoo… like, literally a day after we broke up” he said.

Your eyes widened. “Oh my God” you whispered.

“Yeah…” he trailed off. “And I found out only two weeks prior to this vacation. That’s why I was so insistent on going here with you. Because I needed to ease my mind… and well, your presence is very- well, you know- soothing to me and I love spending time with you. It’s healing” he confessed, his cheeks turning pink as well as yours. 

“Oh…” you said, feeling embarrassed that you’ve accused him of playing with your feelings without giving him a chance to explain himself. 

“Yeah” he repeated, with a humourless chuckle. 

You licked your lips, trying to find what to say. “I’m- I’m sorry, Tae” you said.

“It’s okay” he mumbled.

“No, it’s not. I just… I should’ve asked you first. Instead, I just panicked” you said with a huff. 

He looked at you and blinked. “Why did you panic?”

You stayed silent, holding onto his gaze. “Um… because like I said… because I like you, Tae” you said hushedly. “I really do and I…” you said but then let out a breath. He held your hand and smiled at you. “I thought you didn’t like me like that, and well- you were just out there kissing me because someone was eyeing me” 

He shook his head. “No… I mean, yeah, I kissed you to get that asshole to stop staring at your body but… I do like you, Y/N. Like a lot” he chuckled. 

You smiled and placed a hand on his cheek. “Did you talk to Hobi about it?” you asked him.

Taehyung’s smile dropped and looked away. “You’ve got terrible timing, Y/N” he said and you laughed.

“I’m sorry, I’m just really curious. I don’t know what’s more shocking. You telling me that you like me back or that Hoseok slept with your ex” you said.

“Yeah, same…” he said with a little chuckle. “No, I mean… I confronted him about it when I found out but after that? No. Just small talk, that’s it. Casual texts in the group chat, nothing else” 

“Does he know he’s gonna be a father?” 

“Nope” he shook his head with his lips pressed together. “But I hope that- that they get to be together. It’s weird, I know. I seem to be really mad about it. Not because of Jiwoo, I haven’t felt something for her in a very long time but… it doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt hearing one of your best friends was sleeping with your ex behind your back” he said to you. “But also, I know that Hoseok really likes her”

“Did he tell you that?” you asked.

He nodded. “That was his excuse. He asked me to forgive him for it, because he was really interested in her” 

“Wow…” you said, widening your eyes. “I don’t want to be a bitch about it but I think he deserves better. She was really mean” 

Tae nodded. “I know… she hated you”

“Oh really?” you asked him with sarcasm and he chuckled. 

Tae looked at you and placed a hand on your thigh, gripping it. It made you realise the way you both had confessed that you liked each other and did nothing about it.

“So…” he started. “Did you like the kiss?”

“Like it?” you chuckled. “I loved it”

“Wanna do it again?” 

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

You woke up with a content sigh, feeling the raven haired boy you liked (loved) so much around you. Your face was pressed against the crook of his neck and his arms were holding you tightly against his chest. 

With flashbacks slamming at you, you remembered how you had made out like horny teenagers til you were hungry for dinner. You ordered pasta from the bar downstairs, finished watching House of the Dragon and went to sleep. You both figured that, as you had been friends for so long, rushing into sleeping together was something that it was best to avoid. 

His hand went under your (his) shirt and rubbed your stomach with a low hum. You bit your lip, feeling your core clenching around nothing at the subtle touches. His other hand, went to your leg and gripped it, making you remember the scenes from the day prior, when Tae had kissed you and touched your leg just like he was doing just now. 

“I know you’re awake” Tae mumbled against the skin of your forehead. “I can literally hear your thoughts from here” 

You giggled and nuzzled your head against his naked chest. “Sorry” you said quietly. 

He sighed and pushed you on your back, as he leant over you. He gave you a warm smile and pressed a light kiss on your lips. “Penny for your thoughts?” he arched an eyebrow. 

You placed a hand on his cheek and caressed his skin. “Nothing… I was only thinking how happy I am that we’ve finally confessed to each other. Well… me. That I’ve confessed. I never thought you’d reciprocate my feelings, Tae” you chuckled.

He chuckled back and shrugged. “Why not?”

“Well, for starters you are you” 

He frowned. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Are you kidding me?” you chuckled. “You’re Kim Taehyung. Literally top 5 most famous and handsomest people in the whole fucking world” 

“Says who?” he asked you with a curious smile.

“Says everyone” you stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“And what do you say?” Tae asked in a soft tone that made your heart skip a beat.

“What do I say about what?” you frowned.

“Do you think I’m handsome?” he smirked.

You glared at him. “Really?” you asked him and he chuckled at you. “I’ve been attracted to you since your twink era, are you kidding?” 

He frowned. “My twink era?” he asked.

“Nevermind” you said and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him into a kiss. 

He hummed against your lips and applied force to it, his tongue licking your lip for approval to slip inside of your mouth. His hand slipped upwards and curled his fingers in your hair, massaging your scalp slightly and clenching it, tugging a little, making you whimper against his mouth.

“Fuck…” he whispered, and bit your lip, pulling it lightly. “I’ve been waiting my whole fucking life for this” 

You felt your heart slamming uncontrollably inside your ribcage at his words, making you cling onto his shoulders, digging your nails into his skin. 

He lifted his mouth from yours, kissing your cheek, down your jaw and started licking and biting your neck. You bit your lip to contain your moan, instead it came out a loud whine. 

Tae caressed your waist, flipping your shirt over your stomach to allow his hands to explore your skin. His thumb finger danced over the hem of your black lace panties and it made you arch your back. 

He lifted his head again and looked into your eyes. He took his fingers up to his face, stuck his tongue out and licked the pads of them. 

To your surprise, his newly-licked fingers slipped inside your panties and brushed over your soaked core, making you moan out loud. 

“Yeah, you like that?” he asked huskily, his pupils blown wide. 

“Fuck, yes” you sighed, pressing your head against the pillow. 

You felt his thumb flick over your clit expertly while his pointer finger probed at your entrance. “You want it?” he asked, his face returning to your neck. 

You nodded shyly, your fingers carding through his hair as you felt his teeth sink into your skin. 

“Words, baby. I can’t hear you” he replied, chuckling darkly.

You huffed in annoyance and tugged on his hair, making him whimper. “Please, Tae. Please, please, please” you sighed. 

“Please what?”

The fucker…

“Please, fuck me with your fingers!” you almost yelled out and almost did again when two of his fingers sank into your core, making you clench around them.

He gasped against your neck and licked over the recent love bites he had left. “Holy fucking shit, you’re so tight, Y/N. So tight, baby” he whispered. 

You felt his hardness pressing against your thigh and you lifted your knee to tease him, feeling him groan desperately against your neck. 

He lifted his head up and devoured your mouth as you felt his fingers sped up along with the thumb rubbing tight circles over your clit. 

“Shit, shit, shit, Tae. I’m gonna come” you whimpered against his mouth. 

“Come for me, babe” he said.

You moaned into his mouth while your legs shook as you felt your orgasm wash over you. Once you calmed down, you felt his soft, delicate kisses over your cheek while his fingers moved slowly inside of you. 

Taehyung, being the little shit he had always been, slowly pulled away from your core and stuck his fingers inside his mouth, licking them clean, all while holding your gaze. 

He smirked as he felt your taste and, with a wet pop, he showed you his clean fingers. 

“Fuck, that was probably the best orgasm of my life” you sighed, your hand caressing his cheek. 

“No, that was your second” he smirked.

You frowned, confused. “What?”

He just smiled and pressed a kiss to your lips. Then, he trailed them down over your neck and to your stomach. 

You see where he was going with that. 

And, spoiler alert? He was totally right about that.

[marley-manson]

the topic is Trapper and the army as foils, you have three hours, go

In no small part the satire of Mash, particularly in the first half of the show, is tied up with gender performance.

The army represents traditional, stifling and violent masculinity. This is shown through everything from freudian jokes about guns (eg Frank and Margaret's flirtations in The Sniper or The Gun), to Margaret trying to cajole Hawkeye into performing a more traditional standard of masculinity while treating him like a soldier in Comrades in Arms Part 2, to many jokes and comments about (usually) Hawkeye not being a real man in contrast to army standards and various specific army personnel (eg Lyle in Springtime, Flagg in White Gold), to Frank and Margaret's worship of the masculinity of the army ("He's twice the man you'll ever be," re: Flagg and Hawkeye, Margaret's lust for MacArthur, Frank pursuing the sniper in The Sniper in an attempt to be a "real man" in Margaret's eyes, etc) to many jokes positioning the military as a sexually aggressive man pursuing Hawkeye ("Sure, the sun the moon the stars, your high school letterman jacket. Same deal I promised nurse Baker." "A receipt please, and promise you'll go out with other doctors," etc.)

In contrast, the main characters all fail to perform traditional gender in some way, from crossdressing to immaturity to indecisiveness to peacefulness to Margaret's masculinity and Frank's pathetic failure to live up to his own masculine ideals, to just about everything about Hawkeye. His cowardliness, his jokes about not being a real man, his jokes about taking the feminine role in sexual encounters with men and women, even multiple double entendres about his average at best penis size.

Trapper is the most traditionally masculine of the main cast. He still subverts masculinity in some subtle ways here and there, such as the occasional feminizing joke and mentions of not being in great shape, but overall he's the more butch counterpart to Hawkeye's fem. He plays the role of boxer while Hawkeye plays the role of diva in their respective manager/star roleplaying episodes. He's broader and buffer and plays football, often seen playing catch with someone while walking around the compound, while Hawkeye disdains sports and doesn't participate. He reads Field and Stream which Hawkeye derides in Alcoholics Unanimous while making a wry comment about shaving his armpits. A past lover nicknamed him Big John.

And there are many, many jokes about Hawkeye and Trapper being sexual partners. The recurring Uncle Trapper and Aunt Hawkeye gag, if my father sees this you'll have to marry me, for me? only if you put those on, your father and I will tell you what we did to have you, that's when I fell in love with him, etc etc etc. It's constant. In these jokes Hawkeye usually takes the feminine role, though not strictly every time ("Me and the missus," is one exception in As You Were, the dance in Yankee Doodle Doctor is another).

Trapper's masculinity is differentiated from traditional military masculinity in a few ways. Most obviously, Trapper abhors the military's violence. He never uses guns and mocks Frank's obsession with them, he's a healer rather than a soldier, and he's disgusted by the results of military violence on the men on his operating table.

He's also secure in himself. The military's brand of masculinity is strongly characterized by insecurity and overcompensation. Frank is the main representative of this military insecurity - a coward who insists he's brave (The Army Navy Game), a man who clings to a phallic gun to compensate for his sexual and gendered inadequacies (a main theme of The Sniper, perfectly mirrored when the army itself comes in with a vastly disproprotionately powerful automatic machine gun on a helicopter to shoot down one sixteen year old), a homophobe repressing his own attraction to men (As You Were, the original script of George), etc. We also see this in Flagg, who implicitly sublimates sexual urges into violence (seen when he suggestively caresses his gun while describing how he wants to torture a boy in Officer of the Day).

Trapper doesn't need to overcompensate. He's well-endowed physically, he's portrayed as a competent and considerate lover, he's a brave man who doesn't mind being seen as a coward, and he may or may not be attracted to men but either way he's not a homophobe (George) and he doesn't express his sexuality through violence. When Margaret proves herself stronger than him, his response is to be impressed rather than offended (Bombed). When he dances with Hawkeye for a gag, he doesn't mind letting Hawkeye lead.

He's also differentiated in terms of tradition, with the mliitary representing a more propagandic 50s traditionalism, and Trapper representing a 70s, countercultural freedom from tradition. We see this in the way Trapper has plenty of sex despite being married, while adultery is a court-martial offense in the military. It's notable that he's open and carefree about it, while Frank and Margaret are surreptitious and hypocritical in their affair. This lack of traditionalism is also shown in his disrespect for authority, often in direct contrast to Frank and Margaret's worship of it, and his allyship to George who the military would persecute for his sexuality.

So ultimately we can see that while Trapper and the military are both examples of masculine performance, Trapper's masculinity differs from the military's in being more flexible, less violent, less traditional, and more secure. The military's masculinity is far more toxic than Trapper's, particularly in the context of 70s counterculture media, which aligns womanizing with sexual liberation rather than a lack of respect for women, accurately or not.

This contributes to their respective dynamics with Hawkeye.

Hawkeye, we've established, is usually more feminine, and there are a myriad of jokes characterizing Trapper as his sexual partner, as well as the military as a sexual pursuer.

The jokes Hawkeye and Trapper make about their relationship tend towards cozy domesticity. They're Radar's "aunt and uncle," they directly roleplay marriage ("Martha, we're going to have to move, the people upstairs are impossible,") and less directly behave as though married (the bickering in Alcoholics Unanimous, the discussion about naming their pony in Life With Father). Occasionally they're treated as a healthy couple in contrast to Frank and Margaret's toxicity ("While I'm gone, promise you'll go out with other doctors," vs "Touch anyone else and I'll cut off your hands" in Aid Station).

In some instances the jokes lean towards predatory - "If you're trying to get me drunk, it'll work," or "Who is this man in bed with me?" "I followed you home from the movies," but they're always playful, always fond. If Hawkeye takes on a submissive or victimized role in these jokes, it's one he has fun with and discards just as easily in the context of the rest of his relationship with Trapper.

So, it's important to note that Hawkeye and Trapper support each other and look after each other in an equal, enthusiastic friendship. From Trapper ensuring Hawkeye gets to sleep in Doctor Pierce and Mr. Hyde, to Hawkeye supporting Trapper when he wants to adopt a child, to Trapper right at Hawkeye's side as they attempt to procure an incubator, they are there for each other every step of the way. If their relationship is a marriage in some ways, it's a healthy, strong, and non-traditional marriage, an equal and open partnership free of jealousy and insecurities.

Compare that to the military's relationship with Hawkeye. In jokes it's characterized as powerful and predatory, far from an equal partnership. Sometimes it approaches positive - in Carry on Hawkeye, much of the humour is derived from Hawkeye and Margaret's gendered role reversal as she assumes military command of the unit. Hawkeye playfully calls her sir, seductively lies on her desk like a secretary in a porn film, and most notably treats an immunization shot as sexual penetration in a prolonged gag about sexual role reversal. Hawkeye has fun playing a sexually submissive role to a representative of military authority in this episode, but it is a submissive role.

Several of the one-off jokes have a similar sensibility, such as the double entendre of "My bellybutton's been puckering and unpuckering all day," in response to a representative of MacArthur assuming their excitement over the general's arrival to the unit, or Hawkeye's "Okay, take me, I'm yours," to Colonel Flagg. They demonstrate a willingness to play the receptive role on Hawkeye's part, but they also, pointedly, disturb the object of the jokes.

When Hawkeye makes these jokes that sexualize military authority, he's attempting to be provocative as well as defiantly drawing disruptive attention to his own powerlessness as a drafted surgeon. The power dynamic between Hawkeye and the authority of the military only goes one way, and Hawkeye gets a kick out of pointing it out in ways that perturb the representatives of that authority, but it's a power dynamic that takes its toll on him.

Many of Mash's plotlines revolve around Hawkeye rebelling and attempting to seize some scrap of agency back from the military. Adam's Ribs, for example, in which he starts a mild riot over the food he's being fed and spends the episode attempting to procure barbecue ribs from Chicago (which Trapper procures for him), or Back Pay where he tries to charge the military for his forced labour. A particularly notable example is Some 38th Parallels, in which Hawkeye complains about being paid the equivalent of a nickel per operation, and his frustration manifests in impotency until he can perform a gesture of rebellion against the military.

One unfortunate consistency of these episodes is that the army ultimately retains its power. When Hawkeye achieves his goals, it's only in small ways that do little more than satisfy his own need to assert his sense of self. Often, Hawkeye doesn't achieve his goal at all, but is thwarted by the army, such as in For Want of a Boot. In every instance he remains powerless in comparison to the authority of the military.

So the context in which Hawkeye makes these sexualized jokes about the military literally fucking him is one of abject helplessness. In a sense, all he's capable of is pointing out what the military is doing and putting it in his own, audacious terms. He's not capable of preventing it. His jokes usually have an edge of bitterness to them in delivery, and when they don't, that tone is imparted anyway by the greater context.

With Trapper, Hawkeye can play-act a marriage or an assault, but in either case he's an enthusiastically consenting, equal partner. Trapper's performance of masculinity allows for Hawkeye to take any role from victim to wife to husband, and enables Trapper to respond in kind from a position of equality and respect. The military, in its insecure, domineering performance of masculinity, is a dictatorial authority, never allowing Hawkeye perform any role but a feminized, victimized one, and only ever giving him the choice of whether to perform with a wry smile or a sneer.

In short, Trapper is the cool, considerate service top to the military's insecure domineering boyfriend.

I'm tagging everyone who enabled this lol, share the blame. @beansterpie @majorbaby @professormcguire @rescue-ram

[canonizzyhours]

re: 437 - what gets me is not just that izzy is an antagonist in the show but even in fic that DOES make him an antagonist, i have LITERALLY NOT EVER seen a fic that portrays izzy anywhere NEAR as unsympathetically as season 1 of the show does. i'm not talking about canyon fic, i mean ANY fic. i mean literally not one single time, and i am counting fic written by authors i know would describe themselves as proud izzy haters, fic explicitly tagged with stuff like "author is not an israel hands apologist" or "i hate izzy hands" or "fuck izzy," and fic that is clearly written for the express purpose of straight up character bashing.

EVEN IN FIC TAGGED WITH IZZY BASHING i have never seen a fic that had the whole crew unanimously vote to murder izzy for being an asshole and then they turn to ask fang and ivan if they're cool with it and they explicitly say they are and then they all go do the murder while happily smiling about it. or a fic where fang tells a bunch of complete strangers jokes about the time izzy shat himself in public and the entire crew of the QAR turned it into a meme because he's such a huge dick all the time that nobody likes him. BOTH OF THOSE ARE THINGS THAT HAPPEN ONSCREEN IN THE SHOW EXACTLY THE WAY I DESCRIBED THEM WITHOUT ANY FURTHER NUANCE OR MITIGATING FACTORS. the most anti-izzy fic i've ever seen was nowhere NEAR that mean-spirited toward him.

every once in a while i'll see a canyon-sympathetic fic rec post that tags fics as "izzy safe" or "not izzy safe" and i always desperately want to ask those people: if season 1 of the show were a fic, would you describe it as izzy safe? really? if those scenes i described above wouldn't make the story not izzy safe, then genuinely what would?????

#440.

related posts: #437

[jayktoralldaylong]

"MelJayVik can't work because both Jayce and Viktor are too possessive to share."

And it just might be the stupidest argument I've ever heard to be honest.

But I think what pisses me off the most is that I only see this argument being used for MelJayVik, and that is so interesting considering I adore a lot of Poly ships and I have never seen such an argument before.

Interesting isn't it.

So what's the problem? Is it because Mel is a woman? (I doubt it. Alucard X Trevor X Sypha is a popular ship).

So it's because she's black isn't it? 🙂

"That's not true. We love our Queen Mel."

Ah but you've all unanimously decided that she's not Queen enough to work in even a platonic relationship with Jayce and Viktor. 😌 Don't give me that queen shit until you treat her like the queen she actually is.

I swear y'all jump through hoops to keep them apart. If it isn't pushing the agenda that Mel and Viktor hate each other (which they don't. Having a disagreement does not mean loathing. What's wrong with you? 💀 You guys did the same thing with Jayce and the bridge scene after season one), then it's pushing the agenda that Viktor and Jayce don't share.

MIND YOU, while they are both OBSESSED with each other, Jayce kept trying to pull Viktor into the world of popularity and fame. He wanted Viktor to expand and have fun. And the second Viktor realised he was being too clingy his first instinct is always to pull away and push Jayce towards others. Don't give me shit about them not sharing. Their problem isn't that they want to own each other, it's that they think the other wants nothing to do with them. Stop pushing your fantasies on Jayce and Viktor. It annoys me.