#they are married to me. they are not in love to any extent [lesbian and gay guy] but for tax benefits and so that kalpas doesnt scare store

[lostacelonnie]

@average-avery

[ponett]

If it wouldn't be too much, I would like to know what you feel with regards to that ending lol

okay so i'm always extremely conflicted on the way they implied applejack and rainbow dash are married in the mlp finale - more the execution than the actual idea of it. obviously people who have known me since my hardcore mlp fandom days know i was obsessed with flutterdash (and, to a lesser extent, rarijack), but like, appledash is still a cute pairing! it was super popular in the early days of the fandom for a reason

the thing is, appledash kinda fell off in popularity compared to those other ships because the show started downplaying AJ and RD's dynamic after the first season. they stopped having so many episodes playing off of each other, and the writers started putting a lot more effort into exploring and deepening other relationships - like, well, the ones that i shipped. which is why those became my favorites! by the end of the series applejack and rainbow dash had barely had any episodes together in years, apart from one throwback episode about them still being competitive with each other in season 8. season 9 didn't have a single episode about the two of them - and, in fact, the last one-off episode they ever did about any of the mane six was yet another fluttershy and rainbow dash adventure. (not to mention that the equestria girls crew was busy actively implying rarity and applejack were in love by their own admission lmao)

then we get to the future scenes in the series finale and we get one line implying applejack and rainbow dash are married. it was bewildering. again, this isn't me going "how dare they not make MY ships canon." it's just... if you're gonna imply two of the mane six became a couple, something people had wanted for years, why didn't you build towards that conclusion for the characters at all? why did they barely even speak to each other in the final season? we need a whole episode about big mac getting married, but these two can't even hang out? it just feels like they picked an arbitrary ship that was popular in the early days of the fandom and added one line hinting towards it as an easter egg, rather than it being a meaningful attempt at queer representation on the show. because, i mean. that's what it is

after that and the episode about scootaloo's lesbian aunts who she lives with, which actually ended up being mostly about her mom and dad despite being heavily promoted by hasbro as a big special event for pride month, it just left a bad taste in my mouth. even in 2019 this was still the best mlp could give us

[kragehund-est]

I live in a strict religious environment where my parents don't even let me leave the house without a long skirt. They send me to a private school with a similar dress code, and all the girls there are obessed with getting married as soon as they graduate. They're all conservative normies and creepy af. I really want to cut my hair short, wear pants, just be masc and live my lesbian truth. But for now I'm trapped in this cage until I'm no longer a minor and can move out of my parents' house. Even then, I would be afraid to leave my community because it's all I know. Even though I live in a regular big city they're kind of isolated socially. All I have are my internet friends.

How do I cope

im sorry for your situation and i hope you can stay strong. i've been through something similar (to a lesser extent) so i'll try to give the best advice i can, but keep in mind im just a person on the internet.

so, i know a lot of people might say to come out of the closet loud and proud, but keep in mind this is never an obligation, especially if your safety and wellbeing is at risk. you might have to lay low for a while, and the #1 thing in that case is don't give up hope.

this doesn't mean you can't resist. if your parents are just strict but not abusive, you can push the boundaries and they might get worn down. try go out for a casual walk in pants, cut your hair as short as they'll allow, toe the line of what you can get away with. if they get any more lenient, push a little further. if they double down, ease off it.

lastly, removing yourself is scary. whether it's a leap of faith or a slow withdrawal, you might feel like you're alone in it. controlling communities are really good at convincing you that everyone on the outside is unfriendly and unreliable, but you'd be surprised how many people out there will become close friends just from casual, regular interaction. connections are one of the greatest assets we have as a social species, and knowing the right people can help you through anything, sometimes in unexpected ways.

try meeting people outside of your community in a low-threat situation. join a book club where you don't know anyone, volunteer at an animal shelter, get a part time job. libraries are a great place to start for all sorts of clubs and events.

online friends are a great way to stay strong, my three best friends in the world are from estonia, hungary, and germany. you can (carefully!) get to know people from all around the world in similar situations to you.

i hope this could be helpful to you in any way. if anyone else has any thoughts, i'd love to hear them.

[maxilsmaster]

rating hazbin ships!

let’s get the really bad ones out of the way now.

two-sided romantic or sexual alastor/anyone: -1000000/10 (ace rep, fuckers)

charlie/anyone other than vaggie or seviathan (will get to that exception in a bit): -100/10 (WHY DO YALL WANT CHARLIE AND VAGGIE TO NOT BE TOGETHER)

vaggie/any man: -100/10 (sapphic erasure)

angel dust/any woman: 0/10 (the only way he’d be with a woman is if she’s paying him extra to fuck her, the man is gay and you will respect that)

niffty/any woman: 0/10 (respect straight people’s sexualities too, y’all)

healthy angel/valentino: -100000/10 (don’t try to excuse valentino’s behavior)

anything illegal: instablock/10

with that out of the way, time to get to the ships i dislike but won’t block anyone for! all alastor ships noted here are based on qpr potential.

alastor/anyone not listed below: 0/10

husk/niffty: 0/10 (i definitely see them more as family)

alastor/niffty: 0/10 (same deal)

alastor/husk: 1/10 (same deal, but to a lesser extent, plus husk hates alastor)

alastor/vox/velvette/valentino: 1/10 (important note: val is the reason this is 1/10)

lucifer/adam: 2/10 (only if lucifer is going 3 for 3)

niffty/valentino: 2/10 (she doesn’t deserve valentino)

carmilla/velvette: 2/10 (they don’t strike me as the enemies to lovers type)

sir pentious/angel dust: 3/10 (i don’t understand the appeal at all)

rosie/alastor: 3/10 (i see them more as family, but it’s not like i’m entirely unwilling to believe they might be a qpr)

the mid ships!

valentino/velvette: 4/10 (i don’t see these two getting together on their own)

velvette/alastor: 4/10 (they complain about the piss babies together, and maybe hold a podcast, they could easily be friends if it weren’t for the fact that she’s modern and trendy while he’s an old-timey prick)

rosie/mimzy: 5/10 (could maybe be interesting if written right)

mimzy/alastor: 5/10 (they knew each other while alive, and it’s not out of the question that they might have gotten married in life just for tax benefits and so people would shut up about alastor not being married)

vox/velvette: 6/10 (it’s cool, but just not my cup of tea)

abusive angel/valentino: 6/10 (i hate val and that’s the only reason this is so low, if i didn’t hate val so much this would be way higher bc i love angst)

the good!

one-sided alastor/angel: 7/10 (it being one-sided is an important distinction)

one-sided lucifer/alastor: 7/10 (i like my radioapple like this)

qpr lucifer/alastor: 8/10 (charlie’s dads :))

alastor/velvette/vox: 8/10 (removing valentino makes this a qpr i want to see)

lilith/lucifer/eve: 8/10 (lucifer the number one wife thief)

vox/valentino: 8/10 (angst potential)

alastor/vox: 9/10 (enemies to qpr, or alastor accepts the proposal to join vox’s team)

cherri bomb/sir pentious: 9/10 (“REMEMBER MEEEEE!”)

vox/lucifer: 9/10 (they both hate alastor)

yes:

lucifer/lilith: 10/10 (lucifer and the bad bitch he pulled by being autistic)

charlie/vaggie: 11/10 (THE LESBIANS ❤️🥰😍💕)

one-sided alastor/vox: 12/10 (vox’s one-sides psychosexual obsession with alastor)

angel dust/husk: yes/10 (in this house, we stan slow burn huskerdust)

if i missed a ship you want me to rate, let me know and i’ll edit the post to add it in!

[thatone-churro]

i was gonna make this addition to someone else’s post but it got longer than expected and i really didn’t wanna do that to them after they said they were done talking about it in regards to their own work.

i don’t know if “bugs” or “irks” are quite the right words for how i feel, but this take certainly does something of the sort to me.

i hate that the concept of “bury your gays” and its related discourses are so quickly applied to ALL queer media. it’s completely stripped of its original context/meaning and i know THAT irks me to no end.

personally, i’m of a mind that queers deserve media about them, about queers, and also about tragedy, death, murder, action and suspense, or whatever the occasion is. it can be about the queer cast while not having a happy ending, or without the cast being perfect.

“casually queer” is how i used to describe my personal project. yes, it’s blatantly and unapologetically queer, and that queerness is important, but it’s not the focus of the story. it’s not the point of the story. there’s still action, still adventure, still death, still tragedy. the cast isn’t perfect, some die, some are awful, some are “problematic,” even the queer cast. most things happen to the queer cast, because most of the major cast is queer.

i don’t understand the idea of condemning a work for “problematic queer characters” if it’s just a primarily queer work. you can’t have a queer story with no conflict or have realistic characters that are perfect. you want a queer story, but no, no, the queer characters can’t be problematic. and the problematic trait they describe is simply just. a character flaw exploited for the sake of the narrative. i don’t get it.

a queer story written for queers shouldn’t be perfect and pure. there should be “problematic” things. there should be tragedy. they shouldn’t have to be pure. they shouldn’t have to be perfect. they shouldn’t be shunned by the community they were created for because they told an otherwise typical story, except now it’s queer. queer stories, or any story, should be allowed to be complex. there should be nuance. not everything in it should be likable. that’s how a story works.

using my story as an example, again, my all-time favorite character and one of my main protagonists for a good chunk of it is a nonbinary lesbian on ace-spectrum. okay. cool. lots of rep there. but they’re heavily flawed. they kill. they have regrets. they make stupid decisions. they’re self-righteous. they’re terrified of being the bad guy yet end up the bad guy in many people’s views. they have one very violent motive. they love their family to such an extent that they’ll destroy anyone who lays a hand on them. they’re complex. they’re nuanced. they’re not always the good guy. that’s how a story is. if they were a perfect, pure, “perfect” character, there would be no story. no enjoyable story, at least.

what baffles me the most is when queer creators make these queer stories and suddenly they’re a bad queer because they killed one of their many queer characters, for instance. i’ll use my project once more for an example. say, remember that nonbinary ace lesbian from less than a paragraph ago? yeah, i ended up killing them at one point. their story was over and while it hurt me, too, it was a necessary step for the story. their story was over and i needed them to start the next chapter of the next protagonists’ story. but as a nonbinary ace lesbian myself, does that make me a “bad queer?” am i suddenly evil if i killed off my sapphic couple that got marrie in the first part because their story was over and there was no other way to move on their daughter’s story with them there? am i the asshole for killing one of my ace characters for a narrative purpose? am i not allowed to do certain things to my queer characters anymore if i don’t want to be a “bad queer?”

i guess these feelings boil down more to how strictly puritan culture and/or cancel culture and/or “problematic” culture has invaded the literary scene and how that impacts me, a queer writer. how are we supposed to tell these stories that people beg for if they are torn down and torn apart for the exact nuances they want? how are we supposed to create anything without relentless scorn or fear of being “cancelled” for thematic complexities? i don’t understand it.

in conclusion:

i realize my opinion on the subject is probably HEAVILY swayed by my own tastes and preferences and i have no idea where i’m going with this anymore and there’s not really an argument here anymore so really this whole thing can be taken with a grain of salt.

anyway, that’s my angry rant for the day. please don’t witch hunt me for it, thanks 🤞

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen! Have you encountered any Butch4Butch couples? Me and my girlfriend are both butch and sometimes it can feel isolating but either way I’m grateful that I met her. Hopefully your day is nice :)

Ohh absolutely. I have lots of friends who are in butch4butch. Several of my dearest friends are and I gotta say Adorable!. I think younger generations of lesbians are much more open to allowing themselves to be attracted to what truly ignites their passions. And calling it what it is as opposed to not using butch if they fall in love with another masculine or butch woman.

I was married to another butch for 17 years BUT we really discovered over the years it was pretty much friendship (and sometimes not even that) and I didn't really use butch much in the early years of our time together because I was not confident it was okay for butches to be in relationship with butches. In my limited experience it was butch/femme or just lesbians. I thought the two relied on each other to exist (or at least to be accepted as such).

Time and talking to other butches and meeting my best butch friend taught me the independence of my own existence. That I, being butch, was not contingent on who I was attracted to but how I was seen in the world, how saw myself (to a lesser extent) and my unique experiences as a lesbian who the world often decided was "was not like other women". Or some other such bullshittery.

So that is a long way of saying. Yeah. I meet many butch4butch women at women's festivals, some already in my friend circle and as many more in on line groups.

Try the Facebook Group Butch Fashion Club They have butches of all kinds from all over and it is a pretty friendly group (I know Facebook ugh but it is a fun page) https://www.facebook.com/groups/382112838884951

[ichinamikawa]

A reflection about Supergirl and Supercorp

I take advantage of the second anniversary of the 100th episode of Supergirl to reflect about Supercorp and the show in general.

⚠️It will be a long and boring thing that surely many will not share⚠️

Premise: I love the world of Superman, but I started seeing Supergirl when she was at her third season.

I didn't have a lot of expectations about this series and I started seeing it precisely because I was intrigued by Supercorp (yes, I had heard more about supercorp than Supergirl and this should give you an idea of ​​extent of the phenomenon behind it).

The idea of ​​a Super and a Luthor together was absolutely intriguing, but I thought it was one of the many ships with a lot of chemistry, but no really romantic interactions (I'm also a fan of Swan Queen and Sterek, but I admit that there isn't so much material to work on to say "Yes, they are a couple").

So I came to the Season 2 premiere quite skeptical.

At the end of that episode I was like "What did I just watch?! It's true! They're actually flirting!".

Well... Why did the writers chose nothing rather than making history?

The idea that, personally, I have made is that all the problems of this ship were born already in the second season. In that season, we have three events that affect the continuity of the show: the arrival of Mon-El as the protagonist's first true love interest, the coming out of Alex as lesbian and the entry of Lena on the scene. Here, I believe that the latter was intended by the writers in a completely different sense from how it was then received by the fans and, perhaps, if the interest of the fandom in the character had not emerged, she would have come out in that same season, becoming the Maxwell Lord of the second season or, at least, not becoming a regular. Things turned out differently and not only did the fans literally fall in love with Katie McGrath and her character, but they saw more chemistry between her and the protagonist than there was between the latter and the character of Mon-El.

Nonetheless, the starting of Karamel in Season 2 and its fixing in Season 3 erased any chance of making Lena a possible love interest for Kara.

Similarly, I believe that Alex's coming out (which was widely applauded, but which personally always left me quite indifferent) was another nail on the coffin of a possible supercorp ... Because, even if in theory there is no limit to the number of queer characters that you can have in a series, making each pair of a single show an lgbt pair (and it would have been so considering that the other pairs, at the end of the series, are Alex/Kelly and Brainy/Nia) would have it could have meant, for the cw, taking the longest step ... A step that, apparently, he decided not to take.

As for the rest of the show and the characters, I think we can all agree that the writers proved to be totally unable to handle the characters they had in their hands. This is especially true of romantic relationships within the series and in the case of Kara and Lena it was only more evident.

MY OPINION ON THE MAIN SHIPS ON SUPERGIRL :

BRAINIA

To be honest, Nia/Brainy (together with J'onn and M'gann who are secondary) are the only couple that I have appreciated appreciated because they are the only ones who do not seem coupled at random and whose relationship has actually been the object of construction from the beginning.

SANVERS

Alex/Maggie was not bad, but I really didn't like how they handled it in a hasty and superficial way (you ask someone to marry you and then you leave her because you didn't ask her first if she wanted children?!).

DANSEN

As for Alex/Kelly, I like them as individual characters, but their relationship doesn't have, at least initially, a solid foundation and seems to be the classic "Oh, we have a lesbian, let's put her with the first lesbian who passes!".

KARAMEL

Kara/Mon-El could also have some potential, but if the idea was to take a negative character and make him a good guy who finds redemption through love for the protagonist, this was not really successful because they didn't introduce Mon-El as "bad", but rather like the goofy country cousin that Kara has to nurse. I certainly do not support those who see, in their story, the representation of a toxic relationship (and even if it were I would not be the most suitable person to support this position, since my canon OTP is the Spuffy which is the most unhealthy relationship ever shown in a TV show ...), but surely what they wanted to do with Mon-El they managed to do with Lena Luthor.

And then...

LENA FUCKING LUTHOR

(No, I will NOT talk about Lames. She's never stood behind a man, do you remember?)

Her character distances herself from all the others because she proves, from the beginning, to be capable of killing in cold blood (Corben) and truly faces a path towards darkness and then a path of redemption that has always, as its central point, her relationship with the protagonist.

What I'm saying is that I didn't want they make the Kara/Lena pair canonical because I wanted another lgbt couple on Supergirl, but because this is, objectively, the best constructed and dissected relationship on the show and the fact (or whatever the strong feeling) that it has not been made canonical ONLY because it's a lesbian couple leaves me particularly disappointed.

P.S.: GIVE US THE SUPERCORP SEQUEL!!!

[an-addams-kid]

My personal Addams Family headcanons! (I will be adding more when I come up with them).

Gomez: transmasc, goes by he/they, non binary, bisexual.

Morticia: transfem, she/her, woman, bisexual.

Fester: intersex, they/it, non binary, aroace.

Wednesday: cis, she/her, woman, lesbian.

Pugsley: cis, he/they, man, gay.

Pubert: intersex, any pronouns, non binary (genderfluid), aroace.

Ophelia: cis, she/they, non binary, bisexual and polyamorous.

Ophelia and Morticia have always been really close to each other, and even more when Morticia saved her from drowning when they were kids.

Ophelia grew up climbing trees and mostly learning from several different animals that lured the Frump’s house, which lead to her getting scratched and injured several times. Due to that, she’s filled with lots of scars and also has a muscular build, which makes her look rather bigger compared to the tall, lanky build of Morticia. Ophelia looks and sometimes even acts kind of feral overall.

Pubert looks a lot like Ophelia (remember that one scene in which they have blond hair and all? Yeah) and it kinda warms Morticia’s heart because it reminds her of her sister, to some extent. It’s also funny too see all the Addamses with black hair and dark clothes and gloomy personalities, and then theres Pubert. Blond with blue eyes and sometimes colourful clothes and a sunny personality.

Pugsley 🤝 Pubert 🤝 Ophelia: the blondes of the family.

Unless... Morticia is also a blonde but dyes her hair black... She's that kind of goth. It would make sense considering two out of three of their kids are blonde.

Gomez doesn’t have the top surgery done and he’s not intending to get it anytime soon. He does take his t tho, and gave it up while getting the kids.

While Gomez gave up t, Morticia gave up the estrogen in solidarity for Gomez.

Wearing braids in the family (from the Frump’s side of the family) is extremely important for them. Whichever member of the family that wears them won’t be able to take them off until they find their true love -whether it is from themselves or from others, and it doesn’t have to be romantic or sexual either- and no one else is able to take care of their hair except for themselves or someone they have in great esteem, like a mother, a sister or a lover. At first it was only intended for women to wear the braids but as the time passed anyone was allowed to wear them.

The day after Gomez and Morticia got married, she was brushing her hair while Gomez stared at her in awe, both bc his now wife is oh so beautiful and because they have a really strong respect for family traditions, both his and other’s. She realised Gomez was staring at her and decided to give them the hair brush, to which he reacted both surprised and excited. The man was VIBRATING with excitement. “Would you do me the honour of brushing my hair, please?” Of course, he said yes. And since then, every morning they wake up from their slumber and Gomez gently brushes Morticia’s hair.

At some point, when Wednesday was little, most specifically, you could see the three of them sat in line: Gomez brushing Morticia’s hair, Morticia brushing Wednesday’s and Wednesday brushing her bodyless doll’s.

Gomez is basically the hairdresser of the family, for he also cuts everyone’s hair, including his.

Pubert has blond, rather curly hair that reaches approximately their jaw, with two long strands of hair in either side of his face, which she braids in order to keep the family tradition going. (If you know who Aurora Aksnes is, that hairstyle but curlier and rather golden)

Both Gomez and Pugsley have adhd and autism. Gomez special interests are swords and trains and Pugley’s are road signs and bombs.

The Addams Credo “Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatus Nunc” was actually created by a roman ancestor of them, who was extremely drunk and thought it was a great idea to write something that will last for eternity while drunk. None of the Addams know latin so they just assumed it was well written.

[redrose-arrow]

🏳️‍🌈 for all the main cast! If you want you can include any lgbtq+ headcanons not just sexuality

Thank you for this!! Stuck to the main cast and did mostly sexuality and a little bit of gender, hope that's okay!

First, a friendly reminder that these headcanons of mine exist in addition to the canon story. In other words, I like to think of the characters with these queer identities, without diminishing their canon identities/relationships in the series. Also, they’re highly personal, so none of these headcanons take away from your headcanons regarding the characters’ queer identities <3. Second, I don’t consider myself yet sufficiently informed on the full extent of LGTBQ+, which means that my headcanons largely focus around the same queer identities, because I’m sticking to what I know. Now, onto the headcanons:

Halt is definitely biromantic. Sometimes I think he’s asexual, sometimes I don’t.

Crowley uses he/she/they pronouns and is sometimes stone cold gay and sometimes very asexual. I have decided to declare him to be indeed, married to the job. Friendly reminder that Halt is, quite literally, his job. Take that however you want.

Pauline is straight. She’s also open to polygamy.

Some days I am absolutely adoring Gilan and Jenny together. Other days I believe that both of them only date the other for pretense because they’re actually Very Gay. There is no in between.

Will is pansexual. Uses he/him pronouns but absolutely loves it when people refer to him using “them” because they don’t want to assume his gender.

Horace identifies as heterosexual but is also Very Gay for Will and that confuses him. Basically he’s questioning but he also doesn’t really care that much because it’s just about loving people, right???

Cassandra uses she/they pronouns. I love her and Horace’s relationship but would not mind her coming out as gay.

There’s a pattern here because initially I figured that George is an asexual, but then someone once upon a timesuggested George x Sean and that idea has stuck with me every since. Also, George is actually nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns.

Alyss doesn’t label her sexuality. Uses she/they pronouns, partially because they identify as a woman (within the restrictions and expectations of society), partially because she loves the anonymity and freedom of they/them.

Maddie uses she/her pronouns and is a proud lesbian in private, but an equally proud aromantic in public (basically to protect her private love life).

[ankkalinna]

What your thoughts on the lgbt representation in dt17. As a straight person that support the lgbt I think they did alright but they were restricted by Disney. Like violet parents really didn’t have personality and just appeared in one episode. Penny should have ended with della since della is the only duck from the original trio that didn’t have a on screen kiss like Scrooge and Donald. Della have good relationship with penny. When entertainment weekly said magica going to be a lgbt icon they really didn’t do much with it except when she didn’t like it when Gladstone hold her. I don’t blame the crew since they work with Disney. Just what to hear your thoughts.

what LGBT representation nghgng This got long so

Okay so. I don’t go to a Disney show expecting to be represented I just do not trust Disney. Even when they said Violet had two dads I wasn’t sure if I should expect them to even be shown on screen.

But still, times are different from when I was a kid and there have been great leaps when it comes to representing gay and even trans experience in media and even kids’s shows

And when it comes to how DT17 handled it it’s not impressive in the year 2021 nghgn it would have maybe been acceptable ten years ago

Like I said I didn’t go in expecting anything (def not them doing anything with established characters) but I am also not going praise this piss-poor attempt and I think it’s frustrating Disney got attention for including Violet’s dads who were not characters! They didn’t even have lines!!!

Penny being a lesbian barely counts her line about not wanting to date Launchpad was so weird it wasn’t even the usual ‘I am not into men’ which fictional lesbians are allowed to say to sort of imply they are gay without using the spoopy L word. Penny and Della don’t have much of a relationship (which is a problem a lot in this show tbf) and none of it is romantically coded

Magica in the comics is much more queer than she is in the show, she is allowed to be more weird with gender lot of the time (like taking on a male form with magic tho I could say a lot overall about the representation of gender in DT17 vs the comics.... an another post perhaps) and there are even some hints at least in some comics she is into women... In the show she is made to represent homophobic family which I am :/ about but I’d be fine with it if they at least were way more explicit about the actual queer storyline in the show!!!

IMO, Lena is the best queer character in the show and she is not allowed to be explicitly so. But there is enough there that I am sure at least some people in the creative team were actively writing Lena/Webby as romantic and saw Lena’s journey as a queer narrative.

Magica is Lena’s abusive ‘biological’ parent who has a clear image of what Lena should be and tries to mold her into this image, but Lena rebels and finds a new family, she is adopted by an explicitly gay couple and loved by her friends, especially Webby. Webby/Lena is extremely easy to read as them being baby lesbians and the scene in the Night on Killmotor Hill where Webby saves Lena with her tears is the scene that made me go ‘okay this is definitely not all me reading gay into things at least some people who are making this are intending this as romantic’ because of how Webby’s tears fall on Lena’s ‘lips’ and this is the thing that saves her from Magica’s evil magic. The implication of it being a magical fairytale kiss is not an accident, animating it like that was a conscious decision someone made.

It’s very possible it wasn’t originally intended to be gay and I kinda suspect the decision was made to not write romance for any of the kid characters but it did become a thing to some extent (and was then dialed back and the finale made sure to go ‘SISTERS!!!’)

If they actually wanted to give rep and make Webby memorable, make Weblena canon tbh. You don’t even need to ship them as kids just have the same thing happen that already did happen in DT87 but replace Doofus with Lena;

they travel to the future or have a vision of future and Lena and Webby are married. There.

But of course they would have not done this. They never even had Lena’s plotline really in the show when it comes to the whole ‘becoming a part of Violet’s family’ bit. They had some references to it apparently but they were cut and Violet’s dads were not characters. I am not going to speculate on guilt and how much the creative team (or specific creators) tried to put in representation and it was all Disney stomping all over it, but COME ON. You’re telling me they managed to put Violet’s two dads in but it was totally impossible to have them speak? Have them hug their daughter and give them a few seconds of dialogue where they and their relationship to at least their daughter is characterized at all?? Maybe have them hug Violet and Lena stands there kinda awkward and they take her into the family hug and reassure her she is part of the Sabrewing family???

This show had issues with fitting everything they wanted in overall but what scenes and relationships were prioritized was a choice.

They sure had time to put in a scene in S2 where LP hits on Penny. That sure was a choice :)

I know some people expected Drakepad to be canon idk why... LP’s bisexuality is... I would not call it canon. There is one jokey implication in the show I would have been impressed by in the 90′s lmao

TLDR: I did not expect anything so I am not disappointed, not going to praise this piss-poor attempt tho

[agentmarymargaretskitz]

So I know that a lot of people headcanon Eddie as bisexual. Which is a valid take, and canonically bisexual male characters are so rare in media!

But personally, I'd rather have him be gay than bi. I usually headcanon characters as bi unless specifically stated otherwise, so it's unusual that I headcanon a character as gay or lesbian.

Ever since we first met Eddie, there was something about him that just screamed "he's gay" at me. I was positive that he was gay up until Shannon reappeared and they started sleeping together again. Like, if he's gay, why would he be sleeping with a woman again?

But... Eddie grew up Catholic. He still believes to an extent. He's mentioned praying before, he wears a St. Christopher medal, he crossed himself before getting into the helicopter during the treasure hunt episode. He may not go to mass every Sunday or even actively believe, but the belief is still there. And Catholic guilt is a lot to deal with.

I'm not Catholic, nor was I ever Catholic, but I did grow up Christian. And... the homophobia is real. Every time I think my mom might be opening up to a conversation about my bisexuality, she'll say something that makes me backtrack the conversation immediately.

To me, Eddie reads as a gay man who is terrified of what his family will think. Everything about his upbringing is screaming against him being gay. It's not natural, it's a sin, blah blah blah. Internalized homophobia is a bitch. He's done a great job of pretending. He was married to Shannon, he loved her, they had a child together! How can he be gay?

We already have another example on the show of someone who's gone through a similar struggle. Michael pretended pretty successfully for years. And nobody would try to say that he doesn't love Athena, because of course he does! He just couldn't love her that way. Both of them deserved better, and he knew that.

So as much as I would love more canon bi representation, I think it would be more meaningful for Eddie to be gay, not bi. It would be an interesting journey to see. I could see Eddie not wanting to label himself at first, but eventually becoming okay with admitting to himself that he's gay.

Besides, everything about Eddie during 2x04 (Stuck)? Gay. Eddie's costume during the s2 Halloween episode? Gay. The entirety of Eddie's everything during s3? Gay. That outfit during the hospital scene in 4x14? Gay as fuck.

Also, both Buck and Chimney are 100% bi. No, I will not be taking any criticism because I know I'm right. See 2x01 for an abundance of evidence.

-Quarantine Anon

I have been waiting days to post this and now I finally have the chance to! (I'm sorry it's taken so long to get things posted). I don't want to put in a whole lot from me because this is just a good read.

But the Michael and Eddie parallels are now something I want to see. I love your brain, Quarantine Anon.

And yes, Buck and Chim are definitely bi. Or Buck is pan.

[docholligay]

The Metal Meddles

Hello! I wrote a fic for the @keyofjetwolf Lesbians with Swords game, and my rich murder femme Geneviève. It’s your standard Not!Europe type setup for swords and such. 

Geneviève did not, strictly speaking, meddle in the affairs of perfect strangers. This was borne out of no inner respect for people’s right to do as they wished, so much as it was borne out of an inner respect for a life lived without complication. If you intervened once, people expected you to do it over and over again, and there was no hell quite like a good reputation, which, as near as Geneviève could tell, existed merely to be lost. People thought worse of someone who they once thought moral then someone who never claimed the mark, and so it was better not to attempt.

Life, however, is full of exceptions to the rule, and Geneviève found herself in the midst of what she feared was about to be one. 

“You dumb, ugly thing!” Yelled an Albishman who looked as though he was throwing stones in that particular glass house, “Pick that up!” 

A small but sturdy fair haired woman knelt on the ground, picking up the buttons and geegaws that she had dropped in the market, slowly trying to arrange them with the other things in her arms to avoid making the same mistake twice. 

“I’m sorry, my lord.” She continued looking at the ground. 

Geneviève’s eyebrow angled quite against her will as she studied the man. He hardly seemed a lord to her. Those with true power have no need to raise their voices. Hollering and carrying on was solely the province of the weak. She turned her head back to the wine shop she intended to enter, resolving that there was little to be gained from her intervention, only interrupting the public beating that would certainly rise in intensity behind closed doors. Men like him had so little pride that any bruise to it must be paid in blood. 

She heard the smack of his hand, echoing through the market and off the doors of the shops. 

“The damage will be added to your bill,” she could hear the sneer in his voice, “The debt would already be paid if you weren’t such a stupid, clumsy--” 

Geneviève abhorred men who hit women, people who made a spectacle in public, and the Albish, and it was for these reasons that she found herself turning from the door of the wine shop. 

“I confess the mores of Albion are little known to me,” Geneviève tilted her head, “But in Guyenne, it is considered quite gauche to beat a servant for a simple mistake.” 

The man looked over to her. In his eyes, Geneviève saw something worse than temper--there was utterly no rage in them--just a simple, cold cruelty. He enjoyed shaming her, was all, and if a moment or two of temper might be forgiven, Geneviève could not abide the notion of treating one’s servants like whipping boys. 

He said nothing to her. Men like him were always cowed by anyone who appeared to have true backbone. But he was shamed, as people looked on, and so grabbed the woman by the back of her dress and yanked her to her feet. 

Geneviève could not truly be said to have a noble impulse so much as she had the general impulse of all nobles, which is to throw money at anything she found distasteful and assume it would correct itself. 

“What is her debt?” She began to walk over toward the man, the woman looking up at her through stringy hair. “I assume you have paperwork.” 

“She’s not for sale.” He growled. 

“Of course she isn’t, slavery has been outlawed in Guyenne for years, and so, you have no earthly reason to oppose the payment of her debt. As she is not a horse for you to ride and beat,” she gave a delicate curtsey, “Monsieur.” 

She looked over to the little woman. Mousy, yes, but there was a certain strength in her even still, a lion kept on a chain and starved. 

“What is your name?” Geneviève folded her hands neatly, willing the woman to raise her chin and look at her properly. 

The slightest flash of her eyes. “Oksana Petrova, madam.” 

“Ah yes, the Volhynians are quite famous for drinking and gambling their way into these situations,” She clicked her tongue disapprovingly,“Oksana, what is your debt to this man? He must have accessible record of such, and we shall take a glass of wine at my family whilst I have our boy run to the bank.” 

He grabbed Geneviève’s arm, which shocked not her so much out of fear as much as the notion that someone would believe they had any right to touch her. 

“She’s mine!” A bit of spittle flaked from the edge of his mouth. 

Geneviève sighed in annoyance as she took an embroidered silk handkerchief out of her pocket and dabbed the corner of mouth, which did nothing to improve his mood. 

“Monsieur, we can go about this one of two ways, and I leave you to decide which is the wiser. On the one hand,” she folded the hanky and put it back in her pocket, “We may have a delightful light lunch at my home, Cook is marvelous, I assure you, and the cellars well stocked, and I shall put money in your hand for this woman’s debt, and we shall all walk away pleased. On the other,” She drew her sword, glimmering in the light, and gave a bit of a smirk, “I can simply take her from you. The choice is yours, Monsieur, though I suggest the day is a bit hot for dueling.” 

He shoved Oksana into the wall and drew his sword, glaring. “You want me to fight a woman?” 

“A bit terrifying for you when she can strike back, I’m aware.” 

He rushed her, fighting in the same way he spoke: Loudly, clumsily, and stupidly. It would be the most gracious of her to defeat him quickly, a few quick touches so that he knew she meant business and had the skill to complete it, and then carry on with their day. It was, truly, the right thing to do. There was no cause to humiliate a man who had already humiliated himself. 

Geneviève never did think much of the right thing. 

She sidestepped him and raised her blade, easily deflecting his attempt, and as he tumbled past, she slashed quickly across the back of his trousers. 

“Touche.” She smiled, stepping back into a fighting stance with all the seeming worry of a ballerina. 

He rushed her again, and the high, tinny clash of swords filled the small street, Geneviève with a hand behind her back as she easily parried him, stepping backwards toward the stands of the market. It was the work of seconds, effortless. 

“I might have thought you would have more training,” she said, “for your swiftness to draw.” 

There is a moment, in every fight, when it becomes clear what the outcome is going to be, and the man seemed to hit this moment as they paused, each in fighting stance, as the carrots and potatoes looked on. His eyes darted from left to right as he desperately looked for a weakness, and opening, any way to prevent the conclusion written, sure as Belshazzar’s, on the wall of the marketplace. 

He swung wildly, and she lazily cuffed it aside. She advanced, a swing narrowly missing his chest, and he ran to the side, huffing.

Geneviève loved this part of the fight, when they realized they were not her opponent so much as her playtoy, when the realization that they never should have drawn in the first place set upon them, when they knew they were vastly outmatched. 

When they knew she could, and would, kill them. 

She took a few more simple advances against him, parried by her allowance of such, and took a few steps back, swinging her sword to and fro like the tail of a cat. It was always a matter of debate, to Geneviève, whether she wanted to kill a man or not. Mama assuredly did not approve, saying killing was unladylike, and caused an unnecessary amount of headache and paperwork besides. And that was, Geneviève allowed, true enough, but she also allowed that killing someone made it quite certain they would not give offense in the future. 

She quickly closed on, her sword twisting and whirling around his, the bright notes of each clang noting each second he had been allowed to live. He foolishly, fearfully, desperately grabbed for her sword, and she drew it up quickly, the blade slicing through his hand wordlessly. He clutched it to his chest without thinking, the blood leaving a mark over his heart as a beacon, crying out for Geneviève’s sword. 

Wild extensions and half-thought lines came from the man, Geneviève easily countering, perfectly calm, her face peaceful as the fight neared its conclusion. Even a cat tires of the mouse eventually, and so, Geneviève plunged forward into a false attack, knowing he would leap forward without thinking. She was not disappointed, and in an instant she made the choice to please her mother and not kill him after all, sending him instead hurtling into a box of cabbages that sat for sale tumbling to the ground along with the man himself. 

He barely had a moment to realize where he was before there was a rapier at his throat. 

“If ever I hear your voice again, or catch sight of your face, or so much as hear a rumor that you still exist,” Her dark hair gleamed in the light, “ I will kill you. This is the absolute end of my patience and the extent of my mercy. You would do well to leave Guyenne entirely, and hie you back to Albion. But you will be leaving Mademoiselle Oksana here, as her debt is repaid,” she pushed the sword, just a little, and a tiny tear opened at his throat, “with your life. I trust we have an understanding?” 

He nodded, and Geneviève withdrew her sword, popping her foot under his sword and sending it into the air, where she nimbly grabbed it with the other hand. Sheathing her sword, she considered the other one, and began to walk away when there was a small but sturdy voice behind her. 

“My mistress!” Oksana rushed to her and gave a bow. 

“Oh no, that’s entirely unnecessary,” she shook her head, the scent of roses and jasmine shaking into the air, “You are free to…” she waved a hand, “Do whatever it is people of your station do, I suppose. Marry. Have several fat babies. Grow cabbage.” 

“Please, madam,” she looked up into Geneviève’s eyes, and she noted the steely blue of them, “I have nothing, and, if only  could be allowed to work--”

“Here,” Geneviève gave her the purloined sword, “Sell it, keep it, whatever you like.” she drew a few coins out of her bag, “For bread.” 

Oksana shook her head and raised her hand. “I will earn my way, madam. I am a fine embroiderer, and accomplished dresser, and I could keep your wardrobe nice as you’ve ever had it. I know all the fine hair braiding of the East, as well.” She nodded. “You saved my life. I would be endlessly loyal to you.” 

It wasn’t often that Geneviève had the humility to reconsider her position, but it was a day of exceptions, and it occurred to her that there might be worse things than to have a deeply loyal and hopefully discreet lady’s maid at her side. If nothing else, she might keep her things in arrangement as she traveled. Mama always was saying it was indelicate for a lady to travel on her own. She had never taken to any of the family’s servants on a personal level. 

Opportunity did not come in every moment. 

“Very well,” she plopped the coins in Oksana’s hand, “an advance on your payment. We shall have to get you a finer dress, as it would be unseemly for me to be seen with my lady’s maid dressed so poorly. A Bourbon-Penthièvre would never allow such a thing.” 

Oksana clutched the coins to her chest and nodded with the assured gravity that Geneviève often found in the Volhynians. An intensity something like the summer sun about absolutely everything. She found it frankly exhausting, but in time it would like rove out its own worth. 

The clutter and clamor of the city surrounded them as they walked toward the dressmaker’s, both somehow knowing they were at the start of a new life.

[loverlele]

Courage

Lesbian!Emily Prentiss x Lesbian!Female Reader

Warnings: bad language, a bit of a steamy makeout session ;)

A/N: Hello you lovely people. I only have a few things to say about this one. First of all, I think this is my favourite one shot I’ve written so far. There is a lack of Emily one shots on here and I plan on changing that! Secondly, there will be time skips within this one shot to help with the story telling that will be indicated by the use of ‘-’ between paragraphs. Also, it’s going to be a long one so buckle up folks! So with that said, enjoy :)

Word count: 5669

Taking a deep breath I raise my hand to the door and knock three times successively.

“Come in” a deep, smooth voice comes from within the office.

Opening the door I smile at the man within, “Agent Hotchner? Hi I’m agent Y/L/N. I’ve just transferred from anti-terrorism, the lovely brightly coloured dressed lady told me I could find you in here.”

“Ahh that’d be Penelope Garcia, our technical analyst. Agent Y/L/N, I’ve been expecting you. Have a seat” the tall man in front of me responded, closing the file in front of him. It didn't take long for my brain to connect the dots and realise it was my file he had been reading.

“I see you got my file” I say, still smiling.

“I did, and its an impressive file at that one. I see you’ve worked with Agent Jareau before, you should get used to the rest of the teams dynamics soon. It’s... an odd dynamic” he says, smiling slightly.

“I’m used to an odd dynamic, I had a complex team to say the least” I reply, chuckling to myself slightly. Agent Hotchner smiles at my reply before standing up.

“You ready to meet the team?”

“Of course, lets go!”

We make our way out of his office and down the hall into what I believe to be a conference room of sorts. As we make our way in my thought were confirmed when I was met by 5 sets of eyes, all trained on me. I recognised Penelope from earlier, I sent her a big smile before moving my eyes onto the other people stood in front of me. I also didn't fail to recognise JJ sat down at the table, as well as another face that I couldn't quite put a name to.

“I wasn't we were getting a transfer Hotch. Who’s this pretty face?” a dark skinned man spoke out, extent ending his hand out to mine.

“I’m Agent Y/L/N, nice to meet you” I reply, shaking his hand and smiling at him.

“Derek” Agent Hotchner says raising his eyebrow, “Team, meet Agent Y/L/N who’s just transferred from anti-terrorism.”

“Y/N? Hi I didn't recognise you!” JJ squeals, standing up and rushing towards me, arms out.

“Hey JJ, it’s nice to see you again. No I had black hair back then and as you can see, I’m a red head now” I laugh, giving her a hug.

“I can see that, nice hair!”

“”Y/N this is Dr. Spence-”

“Dr. Spencer Reid, hi. I was at one of the seminars you and Agent Rossi guest spoke at last year” I say, smiling widely.

“Hi, I thought I recognised you. It’s nice to speak to you again” he replied, with a smile on his face. Something tells me that he didn't get recognised a lot by the expression on his face when I spoke.

“It’s nice to meet you Agent Y/L/N” Agent Rossi says, extending his hand. I accept the invitation and shake his hand. A smile hadn't left my face since I walked into the room.

“Where’s Emily?” Agent Hotchner asks the room.

“I’m here, sorry traffic was a nightmare” a response comes from my left. I move my gaze onto the beautiful brunette that had just walked into the room. All the air from my lungs seemed to be sucked out at the sight of her,

“Prentiss this is Agent Y/L/N, she’s just transferred here from the anti-terrorism team.”

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you” I say, offering her a wide smile. She returns the smile, brow furrowed slightly as if she was having an internal conversation with herself. 

“Please, call me Y/N. Y/L/N makes me feel like my mother” I say, making the team laugh.

“Now introductions are out of the way, shall we Garcia?”

“Of course sir, today we are off to Chicago.”

-

“You did well today Y/N, not many people would be able to connect the dots as quickly as you could. Well apart from the boy wonder laying on the couch” Derek comments from across the table.

“I heard that Derek” Spencer shoots back, sending a chuckle through the four of us.

“Why thank you, I have a sharp eye” I say, with a semi-flirty tone in my voice.

“So, tell us more about you.”

“Well I joined the FBI 8 years ago now I think, I was bouncing around teams for about a year until I joined anti-terrorism. I stayed their for 7 years until I decided a change of scenery was just what I needed. Luckily Hotch got in contact just after I’d decided I wanted to switch to a different team. And here I am.” My gaze slipping onto the brunette sat next to him.

“Talk about lucky timing” JJ says from besides me.

“You could say that” I reply, winking at Emily.

“Any juicy details we should know about?” Derek says, wiggling his eyebrows.

I chuck the file in my hand down onto the table and lean forwards slightly. “What do you want to know handsome?”

“Well, are you single? Boyfriend? Married?”

Smirking I lean backwards into my seat, “Nope, single for many years now and even if I wasn't, I wouldn't have a boyfriend.”

“You’ve lost me angel face” Derek responds, brows furrowed slightly.

“Well I’m a bit like you Derek. Except for the face I’m not a ladies man, I’m a ladies lady” I reply, smirk on my face. Emily’s face lifts up from the file in her hands, eyes connecting with mine and smirking at me. 

“No fucking way. You’re gay” he says, eyes wide open with shock.

“You say that like its a bad thing Derek.”

“No no no! I didn't mean it like that, I-”

“Yo chill out” I say, reaching my hand out to grab Derek’s arm, “it’s cool. I get the reaction, most people either react like that or even worse. I get it.”

“Please know I didn't mean anything by what I said” Derek says, the panicked tone in his voice prominent.

“Derek, its all good I promise. I know you mean well” I reply, sounding as sincere as I could.

“He had the same reaction when I came out, don't worry about it?” My head snapped up, straight to the source of the voice. My smile quickly turned into a smirk,

“Oh did he now?”

“Yup, then he tried to set me up with one of Penelope’s friends. Unsuccessfully, may I add.” Her smirk now mirrored mine.

“Don’t worry Derek, I won’t need you to set me up with anyone.”

“Oh, and why would that be sweetheart” Derek inquires, a smirk growing on his face as he puts together the pieces. My line of sight swaps from Derek to Emily, my own smirk evident.

“I’ve got this one on my own” I reply, winking at Emily one final time before picking the file back up from the table.

-

The last few months at the BAU have been some of the best ones in my career. Granted, they’ve been bonkers and the team has been all over America. But overall, I couldn't be happier being here. Actually thinking about that statement, I could be happier. But that’s not the point here. We’ve had some good cases, some bad cases, and some truly hideous cases. But we’ve got through them together. As a team.

Speaking of team, we’d just got back from a pretty straight forward case - well, as straight forward as cases go in this job - and most of the team scattered, having done the paperwork on the plane ride home. I believe the only ones left in the office are myself and Hotch, although I think Emily is around here somewhere as her bags are still at upon her desk. I hadn't got all my paperwork done on the plane as my attention had been elsewhere, but I didn't fancy having a stack of paperwork to do tomorrow so I decided to stay back and get it done. Besides, it wasn't as if I had anyone to go home to. If anything, the person I wanted to go home to might still be in the building with me. I’d call that a win. 

My suspicions about Emily being here were confirmed when Emily sauntered into the office with 2 cups of coffee in her hands, making a beeline straight to my desk.

“Hey gorgeous, is Hotch still here?” I ask, spinning round in my chair to meet her body as she plants herself onto the edge of my desk. She leans down slightly, handing me a cup from her hand.

“Soy milk caramel latte, right?” Emily asks, brow raised. Nodding my head, I reply,

“Perfect. I’m surprised you remembered.” “I remember everything you tell me princess” she replies, her head tilting down a bit to meet my gaze, “and as for Hotch, no he left a few minutes ago. I bumped into him coming out of the elevators. It’s just us here. Speaking of which, why are you still here? You never stay this late.”

“Ahh keeping tabs on me now are we Prentiss?” I ask in a flirty tone.

“You know I am sweetheart” she says back, with the same flirty tone. This wasn't unusual for us, we flirted all the time. Some might say we are worse than Penelope and Derek but I say we are better than them. It’s never led anywhere though but who knew, tonight could be different.

“Y/N?”A hand comes up to my face and pulls my chin up so I our eyes meet. Her fingers run down my cheeks slightly before pulling away. My cheeks instantly flush at both the contact and the loss of contact.

Coughing slightly and maintaining eye contact, I reply softly “yeah I’m here. Sorry I zoned out for a second. What did you say?”

“I asked why you were still here again.”

“Oh right sorry. I was a bit preoccupied on the plane to finish all the paperwork off and I’d rather not come in tomorrow and see files stacked on my desk. Especially considering we don't know where we’ll be tomorrow” I reply, sarcasm lacing in my voice causing her to chuckle lightly.

“A very wise decision on your part there Y/N” Emily says, voice trailing off at the end. It was my turn to reach up and make skin to skin contact. But since she was sat on my desk her face was too far up for me to reach without me standing up. So I placed my hand on her arm and rubbed it gently.

“You okay Em?”

“Yeah all good” she says, her hand laying on top of mine. It was rare that we had moments like this, so when they did happen it makes me treasure each of them a bit more than the last one. 

“Em, come on. You can talk to me you know.”

“Do you ever think that life is passing you up sometimes?”

“It sure feels like that sometimes” I say with a sigh, “why, what do you think’s passing you up?”

“Any sort of life outside of the BAU. A family. Kids. A partner. Hell, even any sort of stable life. Me and you both know that we don't get any sort of down time with this job” Emily practically yells out “how am I supposed to get any private life stability with this kind of job?” 

Sighing softly I stand up from my seat and walk a few steps closer to Emily’s position on my desk. It’s a bit nerve wracking since we’ve never been this close before. But this wasn't about me and Emily, it was about making sure she would be okay.

“Hey come here” I take her hand into mine, trying to soothe out the anxieties in her, “look I’m not going to stand here and say that this job makes for an easy life outside of it because we both know that’d be a load of bullshit. But what I am going to say is that you can’t lose hope about all of this. Yes this job is practically impossible for stability, but I believe it can be done. You just have to work twice as hard unfortunately. But hey, nothing good in life is ever free, is it?”

The final comment seems to make her laugh, easing the tension in a heartbeat. “Thank you Y/N, you don’t know how much I needed to hear that.”

“Anytime, you know that” I say, a wide smile plastered on my face.

Emily hesitates for a second, unsure if she wants to say anything. “Do I?” she finally replies. I take a step backwards, confused as to what's going on.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m serious Y/N!” Emily yells, finally loosing her temper, “how do I know that you're not just here for the chase, for the game?”

“You don’t Em” I begin. Emily doesn't take well to the start of my speech, getting up and storming over to her desk before turning back round to me.

“That’s not ... how does that-”

“Let me finish Em!” I shout, retracing her steps over to her.

“Okay, sorry.”

“You don’t know that I’m not here for the ‘game” I quote, “because I have only shown you the signs that this is a game to me. I swear this, this thing we have between us, its not a game. Not to me anyway. You have had me under a spell since the day I locked eyes on you four months and 13 days ago.”

“You’ve been counting?” she chuckles, making me laugh with her.

“I wish I could say I have, but Spencer informed me earlier how long I'd been longing after you.He said it was time one of us told the other how we felt.”

“Good old Spencer.”

“No really, without hearing that from Spence earlier I don't think I’d have had the courage to tell you. Not for a while anyway. Here's the thing Emily. You put up all these walls to stop people from coming in, but the higher your walls get the more I want to break them down. No matter what it might cause. Because I am falling for you Emily Prentiss and I need to know you’ll be here to catch me when I fall.”

The room falls silent, my words sinking into Emily. Judging by the air, I put two and two together and realise I’ve just blown my shot. Or any chance I may have had. Spinning round on the balls of my feet I drag myself away from the woman whom I adored and to my desk, gathering up the paperwork and placing it into my bag. I hear footsteps crossing the room but don’t think twice about it, figuring she was running away. Not that I could blame her, I had come on quite suddenly I guess. What I didn’t realise was that the footsteps had been coming my way until a hand grabbed my arm and soft lips smash onto mine. It took a few moments to realise what was happening before my mouth moved at the same pace as the one attached to me did.

Just the thought of kissing Emily made the butterflies in my stomach go crazy; but this, this was a whole new level of butterflies. And fireworks. Lots of fireworks. Like the firework show over the Thames on New Years Eve, but better. So much better. The fireworks only increase when I feel Emily’s tongue run across my lips, asking for permission to enter. Granting her permission, the kiss goes from being controlled and passionate to frenzied and full of lust. The kiss goes on for what feels like simultaneously forever and not long enough (although there will never be enough time to kiss Emily) before I pull back for air. Our eyes open at the same time and become locked on one another, neither of us moving too much. 

Our happy little bubble quickly pops when a text tone alerts us that we’d got an emergency case that we needed to leave for within the hour, giving me and Em very little time to change before we were to meet the rest of the team on the tarmac. Luckily for us I always carried two changes of clothes in each of my go bags meaning we both had a change of clothes and didn't need to go home.

After getting changed and sorted we both headed down to our cars, knowing it'd be incredibly suspicious if we both rolled up in the same car. Even though we know Penelope probably caught our takeout on the CCTV cameras, we knew she wouldn't spill without confronting us first. We share a quick, but passionate, kiss before splitting up and heading to the tarmac separately.

We were met by the eyes of a suspicious Derek Morgan and a half asleep, yet smirking Spencer Reid when we stepped onto the plane. Granted, my ponytail may have been a bit messy but he has no solid proof as to who (or what) caused it. I fell into the seat opposite Spencer, who'd since put his book on the table between us and shoot a wink his way. Spencer chuckles, causing Derek to sulkily say “what, so pretty boy gets to know the 410 but not me.” The conversation unfortunately got put to a halt there as Hotch comes onto the plane with a concrete look on his face, alerting us that the case was more severe than we’d thought.

“I’m so sorry for calling you in so soon after we got back, but you know I wouldn't do it unless it was absolutely necessary. Don’t worry, we have a long flight ahead of us so you can all get some rest before we arrive. Garcia, go ahead.”

“Okay my lovely cherubs, we are off on a not so lovely case to Nashville, Tennessee...”

-

“Oh it’s been a week too long Quantico” I mutter to myself, pushing the elevator button. I’d had a week of off days to use up so I decided to visit my best friend in sunny Florida. It’d been an odd week that’s for sure. When I flew out I decides to keep my break completely communication free, telling Hotch that unless I’d been fired then everything could wait until when I got back. I even left my phone stuffed in between paperwork inside my desk. In hindsight, definitely not the best move on my behalf. But nothing could’ve ever pointed to what was going to happen within the last week, so I didn't think twice about cutting all contact and communication for a week. I expected everything to be the same as it was before I left. However as the elevator doors opened to the 6th floor, the air became sticky and heavy. I didn't think much of it until I opened the glass doors into the BAU and saw the team all stood near my desk, awaiting my arrival.

“Hey guys! As nice as it was to get away, I’m so glad I’m home” teary eyes all look at me, each of them trying to find the right words to say, “Jesus Christ, who died?”

My apparent attempt to lighten up the mood did the complete opposite, causing Spencer to collapse in a flood of tears. I jerk my eyes quickly from a huddled up genius to a hard faced Hotch. “Hotch, what the hell is going on?”

“I need you to sit down Y/N” he replies, dragging my chair out from under my desk.

“You’re scaring me now Hotch” I reply, taking a seat and gently placing down my bags down before turning slightly to face them all, my eyes finally doing a sweep of who's here. JJ stands the furthest away, in her own little world, with Penelope holding Reid slightly further forwards. Rossi stands with his hand on top of Morgan’s shoulder, his fingers almost massaging Derek’s skin every now and again, soothing the obviously distressed boy. Hotch sits on a chair in front of me, reaching his own hand out to hold mine. It takes my brain a few moments to register that Emily isn't present.

“Where’s Em?” I ask, peering around the empty room to try find the brunette I adored so much.

“Y/N. When you were away, there was a case. A personal case. One that included Emily’s past.” Hotch starts.

“Okay, I still don't understand how that answers my question. What happened on the case? Is Emily okay? Was she hurt” starting to get agitated.

“Y/N-” 

“Emily’s dead Y/N” Derek yells, “the bastard killed her.”

“WHAT!”

“I’m so sorry Y/N, she was fighting someone named Doyle and he killed her.”

“No, this cant be right” I yell, getting up from my seat in a trance. “You’re lying, she's right here. She’s just in the conference room, look!” I run to the conference room, shouting “Em” as I search the room for her. I hear the footsteps behind me coming into the room as I stop in the middle of the room, feeling sick to my stomach.

“She’s gone Y/N, I was with her on the way to the hospital” Derek says softy, his sentence causing me to fall into a heap on the floor. Bodies rush to my side, but none of them are the body I crave the most. I know Spencer’s the one with his head against mine when I feel the tears fall from his cheeks onto my forehead.

“I’m so sorry Y/N” he whispers, kissing my forehead lightly.

“I- I never got to tell her that I love her” I say, the last bit of my facade crumbling causing me to sob violently into Spencer’s arms. More arms wrap around me as my sobs become more hysterical.

Within minutes my body had become numb from all the pressure being put on it, but I couldn't care less right now. I just want my Emily back. “I want my Emily back.” A sentence, when said aloud, caused the majority of the team to break down. Including the two team members isolated by the door.

“Hotch are you sure it has to be this way?”

“If there was any other way then we’d have done that. You know that JJ.”

“But look at her Hotch, she’s never going to get past this.”

“She has to, the team needs her.”

“I can’t stand here and look at her like that Hotch, I have to get out of here”

Above the cries of the room I could make out JJ and Hotch’s voices having a hushed conversation, one they obviously didn’t want anyone hearing from the tones of their voices. I, however, picked up a bit of the conversation before it was cut short by the small, teary eyes blonde storming out.

-

I can’t tell you how long it’s been since Emily’s funeral, partly because I’ve completely lost track of time. I wasn't allowed to be on my own for long periods of time, under Hotch’s order, so most nights I’d stayed with Derek. He’s become my rock throughout this all. Him and JJ. If I didn't have them I think I’d still be in complete denial about the whole thing. All I do know is in whatever time had passed, the team managed to get Doyle in their custody. Without much struggle apparently, which I have to admit is a bit odd considering how many years he'd gone under the radar before. I wasn't allowed into the room with him, which is understandable. Hell, I wasn't allowed into the same vicinity as him without at least two other people with me. He murdered the love of my life and, from what I’d been filled in on, the love of his life. I just sat at my desk in autopilot mode, just getting things done. I wasn't much more helpful in the field mind you, so I usually stayed back with Penelope when the team had a more complex case. 

A gentle squeeze of my shoulder jolts me back to reality. It was Rossi. He said Hotch had called a team meeting in the conference room and required all of our presences, specifically mine apparently. Whatever that meant. Derek helped me into the conference room and into a chair closest to the door we’d just walked through. My joints groaning at me from the lack of movement in them recently. Not that I could've helped it. Some comments are passed around the room upon my arrival, not that I could tell you anything that’d been said. 

“Damn Hotch wasn't kidding about needing us all” I mutter under my breath as Hotch files in from the door in front of me. 

“Welcome back” Derek says.

“Thank you” Hotch responds, “Everybody have a seat.”

Glancing at each other in a confused matter, the rest of the team take their seats. Derek stayed standing up, placing himself as close as he could to my seat.

“Why? What’s going on, is everything alright?” Derek asks, taking my hand into his and pressing circles into it. JJ appears in front of us next to Hotch, further confusing the team.

“7 months ago I made a decision that affected the team. Some of us more than others” Hotch started, his gaze flickering to mine. My brows furrowed and I squeezed Derek’s hand slightly tighter as out eyes met. “As you all know Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle” wait, had? “The doctors were able to stabilise her and she was airlifted from Boston to Birthesta under a covered exploitation.” Everyone’s eyes lifted up, snapping from person to person, wondering if they’d heard right - including me.

“No” I muttered lowly.

“Her identity was strictly on a need to know basis. And she stayed there until she was well enough to travel. She was reassigned to Paris where she was given several identities, one of which we had access to for her security.”

The room fell silent for a minute, everyone starting to process what they'd just been told.

“You’re lying” I say, my voice still low but my eyes moving up to meet JJ’s. Her eyes met mine with an apologetic glint in them. “No fucking way.”

“Sh- she’s alive?” Penelope asks through her tears. Hotch’s slight head tilt gave us our answer.

“But we buried her...” Spencer says, his voice breaking and trailing off at the end.

“As I said, I take full responsibility for the decision. If anyone has any issues they should be directed towards me.”

“Any issues?” Derek says, his voice raising “yeah I got issues. This girl has been a shell of herself since Emily’s funeral and now your telling us Emily was never dead in the first place?!” Footsteps make their way up the corridor and stop a few metres behind me.

I noticed JJ and Hotch’s attention move slowly onto the person behind me. “No” I muttered again slowly standing up, this time loud enough to gain everyone’s attention. As quick as I’d gained the attention, I’d lost it again. Everyone’s faces had a look of pure shock and surprise on them. All of them apart from Hotch and JJ’s. “I knew it” I growled lowly, my gaze pointed directly on JJ.

“Y/N” JJ began, but got cut off by Penelope’s gasp.

“Oh my god.”

I didn't need to look behind me to know who was stood by the door. It was Emily...

“Hi” the soft voice says, “I’m so-”

“I trusted you JJ. I trusted you and all this time you knew she was still alive?!”

“Y/N, I couldn’t-”

“I don't care if you couldn't! I called you up, every single night, for the last 6 and a half month in tears because I couldn't cope with the pain. I had to live at Derek’s apartment because I can’t go home.”

“Y/N, you need to calm down.”

“No Hotch, I won't calm down! I have woken up every morning screaming and with sweat running down my face because I’ve just watched the woman I love die. I don't care that you couldn't tell me. I care about the fact I put all my trust in you only to find out she’s still alive!” I scream, spinning round and pointing at the figure in the doorway.

“Oh my god you're still alive” I say, my voice rough from screaming so loudly.

“Hi Y/N” she replies, a small smile ghosting her lips as she speaks.

“No, I can’t do this” I say, moving around my seat and making my way to where Emily stands. As I try to make my way out, she grabs hold of my arm and pulls me back

“Y/N stop, we need to talk about this-”

I snatch my arm quickly out of her grasp, “No, I have nothing to say to you. And don't you dare think about following me!” I respond, running out of the room and out of the office as quickly as I could.

Emily Prentiss is still alive...

-

The news about Emily’s not death had spread around quickly. The team had managed to catch the ones hunting for Doyle’s son and Doyle had been shot dead, along with a few others. I wouldn't have known that however, had Derek not shot me a text to tell me what’d happened. vI’d spent every minute since I got home laying in the arm chair I’d sat in when it first clicked that I’d fallen completely in love with Emily. We were sat playing cards one evening after a case and I’d just called her out for cheating, she was defending herself so articulately that it made something just click in my brain. I realised I was in love with her, but I was always too big of a wuss to say it to her face. I think deep down she knew, but if she did she never said anything. 

A gentle, but firm rasp at my door knocked me out of the spell I was in. I knew that rasp anywhere, and I knew that it could only be one person at my door.

“Y/N, I know you're in their. Please, I need to talk to you” the voice said, further confirming who it was. On the other side of the door stood Emily Prentiss, and I was about to come face to face with her since I stormed out of the conference room 4 days ago.

I pad over to the door, unlocking the clasp and walk back to my chair, sitting back down in the position I was in before. I can hear a sign come from behind the wood before the door creaks open. Emily slips into the room and locks the door behind her, taking off her coat and making her way to where I sit.

“Can I?’ she asks tentatively.

“Sure...”

Em places herself strategically into the sofa directly opposite from where I sat, knowing this was the best way at getting me to interact with her at all. We sit in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, both unsure of how to handle this.

“Look, I know you're mad at me-”

“For gods sake I’m not mad at you Emily!” I practically yell, “I’m not mad, I’m fucking hurt. Do you know this is the first time I’ve been here in nearly 8 months? I tried to come here, but I could never get passed the door because the place still smelled like you. Like that stupid perfume we all love so much.. I’ve slept in Derek’s spare room. I spent at least an hour on the phone with JJ every night because of how much my heart hurt, how much it ached for you. Poor Spencer has ripped himself up about not getting to say goodbye to you. On the outside Rossi might look like he’s stable, but these last few months have not been kind to him. If anything, he's taken it the worst out of anyone.. I’m not angry at you. Am I angry at JJ and Hotch? You bet your ass I am. I’m beyond pissed with them. But you? I could never be mad at you Emily.”

Tears were streaming down my cheeks at this point, tears I was no longer able to hide. Emily moved from her seat on the couch and crouched in front of me, our faces at the same height. Our bodies were as close to each other as we could get them without sitting on one another laps. Her hand came out and rested itself on my cheek as I subconsciously pressed my cheek further into her hand. We stayed in this position for a few moments, just taking in each other, before Emily’s voice perked up, 

“I begged JJ to tell you I was okay. These past 7 months have been the toughest months of my life. I lost my family. I lost the best people I have ever met. I lost a part of myself that night, a part of myself I’ll never be able to get back. But most heartbreaking, I lost you.. I lost you right as I got the courage to tell you how in love with you I am.”

The tears, whilst still prominent, had calmed down a bit. I hadn't looked at it that way. I may have lost my favourite person, but Emily’s entire life had been swept up from under her feet without any warning. 

I sighed, reaching up with both my hands to cup her face.

“I love you Em, so much. I just.. I need some time to process all of this” I say gently, pulling myself flush into her. She wraps her arms around my body, placing her head against my shoulder.

“Okay, take as much time as you need. I’ll still be here.”

“Promise?”

“I promise sweetheart” Emily says softly, “and I never intend to break that promise.”

Maybe we can find a way to work through this after all...

[mistwraiths]

4 stars

At first, the title of this book didn't really appeal to me and I wasn't very curious about it. However, someone said it was an adult fantasy with dragons, a secret society of women mages, and its Sapphic, and I immediately was in. The Nameless One is starting to wake and the world must come together and also figure out how to end him. Classic good vs evil story.

Priory is a very long book, about 805 pages with the text covering most of the page. I love a good long book and I've definitely read longer, but I think this book deserved to be split up. There is so much happening in this book, there's so many countries and people and their religions. I think it suffers a little from that because I would have loved to spend more time with certain characters during big moments. Huge plot moments and pivotal scenes are often over very quickly because everything needs to move along and connect. I think if this book was split into two or even three books with more character depth and not so much everything, it would have been a solid 5 stars.

I absolutely LOVED Priory, don't get me wrong. The pace is fast and the writing is an easy flow that is perfect. Just the right amount without making the slow moments feel like a slog or even the book to feel way too long. I really liked seeing strong women warriors, leaders, mages, dragon riders, etc. It's a fascinating world and I enjoyed mostly all the characters and plots, and I liked how things came together fairly nicely.

The book follows four main characters but the most important two are Ead and Tané. The other two are Niclays and Loth.

Ead was a really great character because she was smart and capable, and I really like how sure she was of her capabilities. I actually thought there would be more lesbians in the book, but there wasn't. I really enjoyed her relationship with Sabran, however it felt like it went physical and deep extremely fast. I knew Ead was feeling things but Sabran extremely recently lost her husband and her baby (and the ability to have children) like in a small amount of time and suddenly they are having sex?? It just felt extremely sudden especially on Sabran's part where she is supposedly quite devout and you know, the religion doesn't allow same sex relations. We don't see into Sabran's head which is shame. I still enjoyed their relationship though and Ead's story.

Tané was probably my favorite of the four. Orphan girl becomes a dragon rider, that's right up my alley! Tané goes through quite a lot throughout the book, dealing with insecurities, unworthiness, shame for the lies and also consequences of her past actions, and more. She gains a desired top position, her dream, to losing it and falling very far. I did wish more for Tané when it came to the end fight. Tané's ending was the most confusing part of the story. You read it and you're just like WHAT???? I think I have an idea but to have most of everything be fairly clear cut in this story, and then just write something that doesn't get answered considering this is a standalone, is rude.

Niclays was probably my second favorite of the four narrators. He's an old, gay, grumpy old man. A lot of good and bad things have happened in his life. I really enjoyed his grief and anger, and his resilience even though he likely wouldn't agree he has that. He's a bit of a coward too. Although he served a purpose, it did feel like it took too long in the book to get there.

Loth, the last narrator, was my least favorite of the bunch. I appreciated that Loth could be friends with women and it wasn't a he was secretly in love with them or sexual in any way. He just genuinely loved them as people and like they were his sisters. I found Loth to really just be the most passive character in the series, more letting things happen to him and going along with it. He mainly just brought things to people and had a negotiation scene that just fell extremely flat. He hardly had much of a personality either.

There is in general so much going on. Did I really have to have explained that an ancient witch fell in love with the man she raised as a baby, bewitched and glamored him so he'd think she was someone else, and marry and have a baby with him??? Why??? I understand you want to flesh out the world and make her even more monstrous and powerful, etc. But there is just more important things to focus on but yet you skip training Tané with magic or Ead with the jewels? Magic is explained to an extent but I don't quite understand Ead's kind of magic. It's fire but she's capable of doing things other than fire??

Because the book has so much happening and moving quickly, things tend to work out really quickly and/or easily. I am absolutely more of a stickler to realism. Things don't work out perfectly. People fail. I like seeing that and I think that's why I liked Tané and Niclays more.

I know it feels like I'm bitching and being pedantic, but I ultimately really enjoyed the book! I liked that there were dragons of water instead of fire. It was altogether enjoyable and I'd definitely recommend it highly to fans of adult fantasy! And this actually makes me want to read her other books.

[gothpanda]

A Little Bit of Attitude Ch. 37: Vancouver

WORD COUNT: 5.1K 

A/N: haha three ch in under a week? love that for me

TAGS: @madamsixx @nosebleedblitz​

@emariehorror​

WARNINGS: none

Read On Ao3

Previous/Next

February 5th, 1988

Tucson, Arizona

Nikki popped his bubblegum, resting his leg across his other to get comfortable in the dark green armchair. He waited patiently in the therapy office, looking out the wall-to-ceiling window to the Arizona desert. The sound of the door opening made Nikki's head turn, the on-edge feeling turning into a relaxed emotion.

"Sorry I'm late, Nikki. I had run into a colleague for a minute," said the Dr. grabbing his notebook from his desk.

"It's okay, Ortiz. Felt nice to think of what to say before we started," politely said Nikki, spitting his gum out onto a tissue.

"Good. It's always best to think before rambling during an appointment. Gets all the bases," said Dr. Ortiz, sitting down in front of Nikki. He clipped his pen and wrote down the date on his notes for Nikki. "So, how have we been feeling personally?"

"My mood has been good. I haven't tanked and felt depressed. It feels great to say that. I really haven't felt depressed since being here," said Nikki, scoffing at the fact of being healthy working out for him.  

"Well done then. According to my notes here, you had a group therapy session a couple of days ago with a guest? Is that correct?" asked Dr. Ortiz. Nikki nodded. "And how was it seeing a familiar face for the first time since admitting yourself into rehab?"

"I was happy, then I was scared. Scared and happy at the same time. I don't know how anyone can have those feelings together, but I did," said Nikki, rubbing his hands together, Sammi's face popping in his head.

"Why were you scared?" asked Dr. Ortiz, ready to write down what Nikki was about to say.

"Sammi and I didn't leave on the greatest terms in California. When I saw her, I was scared of what she would say about being around me when I was doing heroin,"

"And how did you feel in the end after she expressed her feelings?"

"Sad… I really didn't realize how horrible Sammi felt about everything from the moment I started. It never crossed my mind the conversation we had when we broke up. I don't want to hurt her like that ever again," said Nikki, continuing to rub his hands together.

"While it may have been a terrible feeling to hear to her side of the abuse, it helps make you a better person living a sober life and get rid of the fear,"

"What if I'm still scared of being sober?" asked Nikki, looking down at his feet

"And what is it that you're scared of exactly?"

Nikki sighed, rubbing his hands on his pants. "What if I'm a terrible boyfriend to her being sober? That's what I'm scared about,"

Dr. Ortiz is taken aback but almost lets out a chuckle. "Why would you believe you'd make a terrible boyfriend? You seemed like a great man to her and only her. Even with your troubles from all of our sessions. So why worry when you'd be healthy?"

"Because I've never been with someone I love without some kind of 'help,'" said Nikki, blushing from saying the L-word. "I've always been under the influence even to a small extent with Sammi because I needed it. Without drugs I'm a timid man who wants to be with the smartest girl he ever met," sighed Nikki. "That's why I'm scared,"

Dr. Ortiz takes a second to think before speaking, ready to talk man to man. "Nikki, I'm not going to be speaking in a way of a therapist but how a normal married man would. If Sammi dealt and stuck around long enough when you had your shit, then what makes you think she's not going to love Sober Nikki?" asked Dr. Ortiz, narrowing his eyes at Nikki.

"But she blamed herself for me dying…"

"And that is when you act like a man and treat her like the queen she is to you. Understood?" Nikki only nodded. "Very good. It's going to be a learning curve but hiding isn't going to work out,"

June 3rd, 1988

San Francisco, California

Boxes upon boxes were scattered among the small place that was now Sammi's old apartment, ready to be filled with every single little thing she can take home. Sammi kneeled in front of one labeled 'photos' as Emma and Sabrina were graciously beside her, putting other things in different boxes. Sabrina organized all of Sammi's books while Emma took the time for her snack break.

"Thanks for the help you two, even if Emma's been eating the whole time," said Sammi, smiling over at Emma in the middle.

"Your kitchen is empty for your information thanks to me so you're welcome," said Emma with a mouth full of banana, Sabrina shaking her head playfully.

"Why thank you, Emma. Is it still hard to believe I'm finally done with school? No more having to deal with grades,"

"Tell me about it. I'm starting to miss it already and I'm only taking a year off," said Sabrina, reading the back of one book.

"Yeah yeah we get it. You two are done with college while my ass is still going to classes," said Emma, pouting.

"Awe you'll be fine," said Sabrina, pinching Emma's cheeks. "Just one more year and then you'll be free to your heart's content," The three girls chuckled along, Sammi continuing to pack her belongings on the living room floor.

"Hey Sam, I have a question," said Emma.

"Shoot,"

"Do you have any regrets moving over by yourself? I'm starting to think about what I wanna do when I graduate,"

"You're gonna leave me and move away?" asked Sabrina, raising an eyebrow.

"You're gonna leave us?" corrected Sammi.

Emma giggled at the two. "No, I'm not moving out just yet. I just want to know what it's like here since it's the 'gay mecca'. I have to be with the lesbians at some point," joked Emma.

Sammi stared into the distance for a moment, pursing her lips as she thought about the question, "Yeah I actually do. I wish I never moved here,"

"What? Why?" asked Emma, scrunching her brows together.

"Think about it. I didn't make any friends here. I only met rude and miserable people when I had the chance to make friends. All I have are bad memories. Me leaving didn't do any good back home with Nikki, leading to another fight with Vince. I should've just stayed in L.A,"

"Damn I never thought about it that way," said Sabrina.

"Me neither," added Emma.

"If I stayed then maybe I wouldn't have any awkward tension between Vince and now Nikki. Maybe we'd all be living under one roof. It's just something I think about," said Sammi, looking down at the scattered photos.

"Well hey, who needs friends when you have us," said Emma, swinging an arm around Sabrina to pull her into their side. Sammi only smiled at the two with a sweet chuckle before going back to finishing the last of the photos, taping the box shut.

"You do have multiple points. Speaking of which, how are the guys since getting out of rehab?" asked Sabrina.

"They are currently in Canada working on a new album, so that's always good. Tommy, Mick, and Vince left in April. I would say they're doing great since being out. Tommy was a big help going apartment hunting with me," said Sammi.

"What about Nik?" asked Emma.

Sammi sighed. "He went straight to Canada after being released. I haven't heard from him since that therapy session," said Sammi, lowering her eyes from Emma and Sabrina. They could see the change in Sammi's face. Even if she didn't say it loud, the girls knew Sammi missed Nikki.

"You should just go visit them," suggested Emma. "I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be the biggest shock in the world to the guys,"

"Yeah but this isn't a tour date. They're  working this time, and I don't want to be a nuisance,"

"You seriously don't think Heather or whoever is dating Vince doesn't barge in when they record back home?" asked Sabrina.

Sammi did shrug a shoulder in acknowledgment until something clicked in her head. "Wait I just remembered Mick said I could visit,"

"Then go!" shouted Emma and Sabrina in unison.

"Fine! Fine! I'll make some calls after we're home and I'm somewhat settled," said Sammi, standing up on her feet and walking to see what needed to be packed in parts of her bedroom.

June 14th, 1988

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

For being summer in Canada, the country proved to be the coldest place Sammi has ever visited, needing to wear her warmest leather jacket for the trip. She was quick to learn Vancouver was a calm city with still enough action going around. Sammi made a mental note to come back whenever L. A got too hot for her.

With the help of Doc setting Sammi up in Canada, it didn't take any time to find the recording studio Motley was working at. Sammi walked straight into the two-story building, hands in her pocket as she looked at the wooden interior. She stood right in the middle of the lobby where no one occupied the front desk, surprised by the quiet. The sound of steps walking down the stairs caused Sammi to turn on her heels, facing a young man with papers in his hand.

"Uh hey!" said Sammi, smiling politely at the young man.

"Hi… um who are you?" asked the skinny young man, walking down the last steps with hesitation.

"I'm Sammi, sorry to just pop in like this," said Sammi, extending out a hand.

"Like the name. I'm Kevin," said Kevin, shaking Sammi's hand. "What can I help you with?"

"Well I was wondering if Motley Crue was here right now. I'm Tommy's little sister," said Sammi, fixing the strap of her purse.

"Oh yeah they're upstairs with their producer right now. Did they know you were coming?" asked Kevin.

"No, I wanted to surprise them. It's been kind of boring back in California," smiled Sammi to hopefully let Kevin lead her to the boys.

"Well…" said Kevin, looking up the stairs and back at Sammi. "I know their producer Bob might not like you being here but I do know you're pretty special to the guys,"

"Yeah, the guys and I are pretty tight,"

"Alright then come with me," said Kevin, leading Sammi up the stairs. Kevin led Sammi through a spacious long hallway, knocking on the second door to their right. He peeked his head inside once, opening the door slightly. "Um, sir, the boys have a visitor,"

"I said no visitors. These four don't need any female distractions," said Bob in a deep and intimidating voice. Sammi almost regretted surprising the boys if they had this man working with them.

"It's Tommy's sister Sammi, sir,"

"Sammi!" yelled Tommy, Sammi hearing his steps rush out the door. Tommy swung the door open and, in one quick movement, engulfed Sammi in a tight hug, lifting her up in the air. "I've missed you!"

"It's only been 2 months!" giggled Sammi.

"I don't care, I miss you!" said Tommy, placing Sammi down on her feet. Before Sammi could say anything, she soon noticed Nikki right behind Tommy, almost in hiding. Nikki sheepishly had his hand in the back of his jean pockets and a slight smile on his lips.

"Hey, Sammi," uttered Nikki, stepping closer to Sammi. Sammi couldn't keep her eyes off Nikki, first noting every single new thing about the man. He had more tattoos all down his arm of what appeared to be Japanese artwork. It complimented his now bigger biceps and toned body, seeing Nikki's pecs through his shirt. Tommy could see the shock and plan to gawk on Sammi's face, finding it downright humorous.

When Nikki stood right in front of Sammi, Sammi blinked rapidly and cracked a smirk. "Wow. You look…" lingered Sammi.

"Different?" blushed Nikki.

"I was going to say great. You look great with your new look," smiled Sammi, finally one take forward and hugging Nikki like normal. Nikki didn't question anything, wrapping his strong arms tightly around Sammi. She could feel the difference in strength right away.

"Come on, let's not be greedy," said Tommy, grasping Sammi's shoulder and leading her into the recording room.

Without Sammi facing the terror twins, Tommy flashed a smirk to Nikki as if the adults were back to being teenagers in high school. Mick was the first to welcome Sammi in, heading straight for a hug and a pat on her head.

"Ain't this a surprise, Little girl," said Mick.

"You're the one who told me to come," smiled Sammi, causing Mick to shrug his shoulder.

Mick was almost pleased with himself. "Didn't think you'd take the bait," chuckled Mick. Mick looking healthy was Sammi's first thought, causing the smile to stick on her lips.

"Hey Sammi," said Vince, going straight for a hug that was gladly returned. "Finally we can have some fun around here,"

Right as Sammi was close to responding when the sight of Bob caused her to shut her mouth. Bob was a big tall man whose voice matched everything about him physically. He towered over Sammi, glaring down at her with an intense stare. Sammi took a few steps back, almost hiding right behind Nikki.

"Am I really that scary?" asked Bob, breaking into a smile.

"Do you want an honest answer?" asked Sammi, staying beside Nikki. Nikki crossed his arms, puffing his chest to seem as if he was protecting Sammi. Bob nodded. "You're more than a foot taller than me and built like a football player. You are scary to me!" said Sammi. Everyone burst into laughter, any tension dissipating.

"Well I am not a mean person. It's a pleasure to meet you, Sammi. You just came at the right second, the boys are on a break," said Bob.

"I really hope I'm not imposing. I can just go back to my hotel and wait,"

"No!" said Motley in unison.

"Sammi trust us, we need you for a bit," said Nikki, squeezing Sammi's shoulder gently.

"You can stay for the rest of the session if you like, Sammi. I'm serious. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the offices. We'll start recording vocals in 20," said Bob, walking out, having Kevin follow him right behind. Sammi let out a sigh of relief, happy to not bother anyone who was working with Motley.

"See, Sam, you're welcome wherever you go," said Tommy pulling out a chair for Sammi that she accepted.

"I guess I am. But enough about me, how's the album going?" excitedly asking Sammi, smiling with bright eyes at the guys.

As the guys all settled back into their seats, Mick whipped out a piece of paper of every song for their new album, all in Nikki's handwriting. Sammi took the form for closer examination, reading off every circled name of a song.  

"Okay so we have 'Dr. Feelgood'. That one sounds cool. 'Slice of Your Pie', I wonder what that one's about," said Sammi, glaring at all the guys with a smirk.

"Get your mind out of the gut, Samantha," teased Vince.

"Rattlesnake Shake. That one also sounds cool. Kickstart My Heart. That has to be about Nikki. Without you?" stopped Sammi, scrunching her brows together. She looked up at Motley, trying to read all their faces. Vince and Tommy shifted their eyes to each other, looking at Nikki and Mick. Nikki bounced his leg a bit more than usual. "What's 'Without You' about?" asked Sammi. Nikki and Tommy glanced at each other, waiting for one of the two to speak.

"It's a song about Heather and I. You know how record labels are about having love songs on albums," said Tommy, putting on a somewhat convincing smile.

"Oh so you wrote a song!" exclaimed Sammi. "That's awesome. Did you help him, Nikki?" Nikki shook his head. "Well can I hear it? Especially if you wrote it Tommy,"

"It's not done yet, Sam. We still need the instruments on some parts," said Vince, Nikki thanking him in his mind. "Anyway! How many days are you staying in Vancouver?" asked Vince.

"I'm only staying for 2 days. I just wanted to make sure you four were still good and running," said Sammi.

"Awe come on Sammi, you don't have to worry about us. We're adults who have now figured out life. Kind of," said Vince with a proud smug smile.

"Vince is right and we can prove it to you," said Nikki.

"Oh really? How so?" asked Sammi, raising a brow with a smirk to Nikki.

"How about you come out to our rental tonight. We can all make dinner together and catch up especially since I haven't seen you in months," said Nikki, matching Sammi's smirk.

"And whose fault is that, Nikki?" asked Tommy, chuckling at the glare he received. Sammi snickered but hid her smile behind her hands as Nikki faced her again.

"That sounds like a great idea, Nik. I would love that," smiled Sammi. It was like they were in their own little world again, where Nikki only knew Sammi. Vince didn't feel the massive sting of jealousy as before, only by a quarter of the feeling. Nevertheless, he had to admit it was nice to see Sammi happy as well as Nikki.

"I can pick you up from your hotel, Sam. Our place is basically in the middle of nowhere. It's by a small lake!" said Tommy.

"Well isn't that cute. I hope you four are ready for my cooking," teased Sammi, standing up from her seat as she noticed Bob about to walk into the room again. It was time to somewhat finish what the boys started, more vocals on Vince's behalf. Sammi just sat on the loveseat right behind Nikki with a happy smile on her face.

"Okay!" Bob clapped. "Let's get back to work!"

*

Sammi shouldn't have been surprised when she first laid eyes on Motley's rental house that appeared to be a country log cabin. It subtly screamed Nikki and his Idaho roots. A beautiful two-story log cabin in the middle of the green forest with a lake within walking distance. It was a fantastic little escape for the guys after a long day at the studio, calling this home for who knows how long. In the open space kitchen, Sammi and Tommy served the five plates ready for Sammi's food. Nikki set up the dining table with forks and knives, placing the guys' drink of choice. Without asking her, Nikki popped open a bottle of Sammi's favorite red wine and poured a glass for her. It didn't take much energy for Nikki to completely ignore the alcoholic drink. Vince and Tommy set the plates of food on top of each placemat while Mick put the garlic bread basket right in the middle. Everything smelled amazing.

"Okay! Are we all ready to eat?" asked Sammi, walking into the dining room, seeing Motley sat down like well-behaved children with Tommy leaving a spot right next to him. "I'll take that as a yes," Sammi said, sitting beside her brother.

It was a comfortable silence that filled the room. Only the sound being made was of forks hitting the plates that felt like music to Sammi's ears. Silent people eating was a compliment for Sammi.

"I forgot how great your cooking is, Sammi," said Vince, finally taking a breather as he sipped on his glass of water.

"It's just spaghetti with meatballs," snickered Sammi, looking over Tommy to see Vince.

"Yes but we are used to frozen meatballs and pregos spaghetti sauce," said Mick, mouth almost full of food.

Sammi shook her head, taking another bite of a meatball. She glanced over at Nikki right in front of her, smiling at how he ate in silence. "Nikki seems to love my food. His head has been down his plate the entire time." teased Sammi. Nikki only flipped Sammi off in a matter she knew was playful. Sammi notices her glass of wine, looking around the guys. She smelled it and took a sip, happy to know it's her favorite. "Did you pour me some wine, Tommy?" Tommy shook his head.

"I did," said Nikki. "I thought you would enjoy a nice glass of wine,"

"But-"

"Sam, you don't have to quit drinking just because we did," said Mick, patting Nikki on the back. Sammi didn't say anything else, taking another sip of her wine.

"So, Samantha, a little birdie told me you got your pharmacy license. How does it feel being a full time grown up?" asked Nikki, relaxing in his chair.

"I'm so happy I passed, I did not want to react that stupid exam. Now it's just interviews back in L.A," said Sammi.

"Finally settled in at your new place?" asked Tommy, finishing the last of his food.

"Yeah I just need to figure out what to put in the second room. I only have my San Francisco sofa,"

"I'm surprised you kept anything from that tiny place," said Vince. "This might sound so stupid but does a pharmist apply? All I can think of is Walgreens,"

"I am mainly aiming at the hospitals now that most have their own private pharmacy," answered Sammi, finishing the last drop of wine. "Oh! I almost forgot! I finally bought a new car! It's a mustang,"

"Hallelujah! She finally listened!" said Nikki, dropping his head back to pretend he was looking at God.

Sammi smirked and flipped him off. "Great to know you didn't leave your sarcasm at rehab,"

"Oh, I love family dinners!" exclaimed Tommy, being the first of a domino effect to rise from his seat to take his dirty plate to the kitchen. Mick and Vince soon left, leaving Nikki and Sammi alone. They stayed in silence, Sammi scratching her neck as she looked away from Nikki. Nikki kept his eyes on Sammi.

"Do you wanna go for a walk outside? I can show you the lake," asked Nikki. Sammi only nodded.

*

As Nikki and Sammi walked beside the stream, they still kept a fair distance between themselves, keeping a guard up. Compared to how they were only a moment ago, they couldn't speak to each other the same way in privacy. One of them had to break the wall first, but they didn't know who it would be or what they would say first.

"I'm sorry," said Sammi.

Nikki halted, scrunching his brows in deep 11's at Sammi. "What? You're sorry? For what?"

Sammi sat down on the dry grass, inching close to dip her finger in the cold lake water; Nikki sat beside her. "I started to think after the therapy session about how we started, and I realized I wasn't nice. It wasn't ideal to how a couple should start,"

"Sammi-"

"Just hear me out, please," said Sammi, biting her lip as she stared out into the water. "When I got with Vince I knew you had feelings for me, but I didn't do anything about it. I just ditched you and you have to admit that must've hurt, Nikki. Even if we got together in the end,"

Nikki sighed out, pulling out pieces of grass under his feet. "Yeah it did,"

"I should've never gotten with Vince right after we had sex for the first time, and I'm sorry I would go to you when Vince pissed me off, I shouldn't have done that either. I knew how much you cared about me and I still listened to Athena & Tommy. I should've just chosen for myself," said Sammi, finally looking at Nikki.

"Would you have gotten with Vince even if your siblings weren't in your ear?" asked Nikki.

"No… but I think I needed it. I needed that little heartbreak to learn," said Sammi.

"Thank you. I appreciate it, Sammi. I really do," said Nikki with a smile. Sammi sighed out, feeling the weight leave her shoulders.

"Also I'm so fucking sorry I called you by that name. I was just-"

"Sammi, again, I appreciate it," chuckled Nikki. Silence soon filled between them again.

"Hey, have you happened to have any 'demons' hit you up?" asked Sammi.

Nikki dryly chuckled. "If you mean my past drug buddies, only one. Veronica called me when I was in rehab,"

"Oh," said Sammi in straight monotone.

"Don't worry, she finally got the idea we're not getting married,"

"Hope she returned that fucking ring. What did she want?" asked Sammi.

Nikki smiled at Sammi, finding her jealousy amusing. "She said she almost overdosed a week before calling me, only to have her call me high off her ass. So I just wished her well and hung up. I couldn't handle that,"

"You sadly can't fix them all I guess," said Sammi sadly.

"I'm scared, Sam. I'm scared to go back to L.A," blurted out Nikki.

"Why?"

"Because I'm not the same Nikki that left. I know I'm going to lose friends but what if I get home and find out I really had no one this whole time?" asked Nikki, looking down at the grass. "Then what do I do?"

Sammi swallowed away her nerves, inching closer to Nikki as she laid a gentle hand on his bicep. "Hey, look at me," said Sammi. Nikki turned, eye dilating from how close to Sammi for the first time. "You have people now who truly care about you and you alone. I can already see a better relationship between you and the guys," Sammi soon grew hesitant, looking away from Nikki for a second. "And you have me. That's all you need right now after finally getting better. Remember that," said Sammi, squeezing Nikki's arm.

It took all of Nikki's strength to not lean in and kiss Sammi but be a miracle he managed. "Thank you, Sammi. I appreciate it," said Nikki. Sammi rested on her knees and hugged Nikki the best way they could. Nikki leaned into her, wrapping an arm around her waist.

June 15th, 1988

A knock on the hard hotel door almost scares Sammi, jumping off her bed and softly tiptoeing to look through the peephole. When seeing Nikki appear anxious in the hallway, she swung the door open with worry.

"Nikki, what's wrong? Are you okay? Are the guys okay?" asked Sammi in one breath, lightly placing a hand on his chest. Nikki shook his head, walking right into the single bed hotel room.

"I, um, I just really needed to give you something before you go tomorrow," said Nikki, rubbing his fingers together in a nervous habit.

Sammi eyed Nikki, not downplaying scanning him from head to toe. "Okay but just know you're scaring me," said Sammi, sitting at the foot of the bed. Nikki stood right in front of Sammi, pulling out a cassette tape from his jean pocket. He gave it one last look before handing it to Sammi, not looking her in the eye. As Sammi took the cassette, she quickly noticed "Without You" written by Nikki on the front, scrunching her brows together.

"You can play this right when I leave," said Nikki, ready to walk right out of the room. Instead, Sammi took to hold onto his wrist.

"What the hell is going on? Why're you giving me the song Tommy wrote?" asked Sammi.

Nikki sighed. "Tommy didn't write it. I did. It's finally a love song I wrote that isn't disguised… and that's about us,"

"You wrote me a love song?" smiled Sammi. Nikki nodded with a blush on his cheeks. Sammi couldn't help it any longer, standing on the tips of toes, cradling Nikki's face as she leaned in for that kiss. A kiss so soft and kind, Nikki felt his heart burst out of his chest, afraid to kiss again.

"Thank you," whispered Sammi, a smile still on her lips. Nikki scoffed, matching a smile. "But I need to listen to this right now," Sammi said, darting straight to the radio on the desk table. Nikki didn't protest, only groaned as he dropped himself on the bed, hiding under a pillow. The song in its entirety was touching but more so for Sammi, paying deep attention to every lyric. Sammi took the cassette out when it finished, looking over at Nikki's body thrown on the bed. She stretched herself on the bed, taking the pillow off Nikki's face to see his deep red flush.

"I love you," said Sammi. Nikki looked up in shock at Sammi, lips parting as if he wanted to say something. But all he caught was another kiss from Sammi with more passion. The two fell almost into the same old routine, Nikki's hand caressing Sammi's hair, Sammi's hand on Nikki's clothed chest. As Sammi started to lower her hands, the feeling of excitement turned into anxiety for Nikki in a blink of an eye.

"Sammi," whispered Nikki, placing his hands on her shoulders, giving the distance between them.

"What's wrong?" asked Sammi. Nikki slowly sat up, wiping the sweat off his hands. He took a few deep breaths, not able to look in Sammi's direction. "Are you okay, Nikki?"

"Remember when I told you I was scared?" asked Nikki. Sammi nodded. "Being with you like this was in that same word," said Nikki, meeting Sammi's worried eyes. "I-I've never been sober and doing this… with you,"

"Not even a little sober?" asked Sammi.

"When I say I was dependent, I really mean it. I needed a bit of something to bring me nerves down,"

"Guess your shyness didn't go away either," joked Sammi, rubbing her finger softly on Nikki's cheek. "Nikki, I'm not going to pressure you to do anything you don't want to do,"

"And trust me I do. It's just what if I'm bad at everything I thought I was good at between us?"

"I don't think it works like that, sweetheart. But I still don't want you to feel pressured to sleep with me. We can just cuddle and fall asleep. It'll be okay," reassured Sammi.

Nikki smiled lovingly at Sammi, leaning in to kiss her softly. "I love you, Sammi Lee. I really do," whispered Nikki.

Sammi's cheeks flushed. "And I love you, Nikki Sixx," whispered Sammi, leaning her head on Nikki's shoulder.

"Come on, you have a flight in the morning," said Nikki, playfully pushing Samami down on the bed. As Nikki stood at the bed's foot to strip down to his boxers, Sammi got under the soft white covers. The two fell back into the routine of late-night tv and cuddles. Nikki having his arm securely around Sammi with her head laid on his bare chest. The feeling of calm security quickly engulfed the two after a long marathon of danger. It was perfect.

[raviposting]

I want to say this with care, and in a nonaccusatory manner, but I’ve seen a lot of discourse on my dash and I think we as a fandom need to remember to look at posts about Vanya (and Sissy)’s sexuality and take a deep breath and a step back before accusing the poster of lesbophobia or biphobia. 

Full disclosure, I am a bi woman, and since the start of the show, I’ve seen Vanya as a lesbian, though if I had to describe her canon-wise right now I’d just say “wlw” due to lack of confirmation. If she’s bisexual, or pansexual (or another label that I cannot think of at the moment)? That’s fantastic, any LGBT+ rep is important to have and should be celebrated. 

What I’ve seen a lot in fandom, however, are people seeing someone getting that Vanya is a lesbian, or that Vanya is bi, and assuming ill-intent or erasure on their parts, because Vanya is clearly the other identity. And there’s good, clear, readings for both (even if you don’t think/don’t want to admit there is, there absolutely is, it is why this discourse exists in the first place and it’s disingenous to say that every argument in the other group is based off of delusion and/or erasure). 

I know we both rarely get representation, and having that confirmation is precious and amazing and so, so important. And to see something that is so significant to you, so important to see, makes us hold fast and true to it and that interpretation and something that doesn’t coexist with that interpretation leads to knee-jerk reactions because how, how can this person not clearly see what you see? And I do, want to, briefly look at those interpretations: 

Vanya as a lesbian: Vanya is shown to be heavily repressed when she appears in season 1. Her emotions, her powers, her memories (to an extent) have all been repressed and the “true” Vanya doesn’t come out. Sure, she dates Leonard, but he’s also the first person to show her “positive” attention in a very long time. She doesn’t get that support from anyone else, she moves so quickly with Leonard, she hasn’t had someone “love” her like this that we know of. It reminds me starkly of real-life lesbian friends and their journeys, of a woman struggling with compulsary heterosexuality, and when she’s in Dallas, memory wiped, those same holds don’t affect her the way they do in season 2. Vanya is more confident to be with who she wants. 

Vanya as bisexual: Vanya seemed to like Leonard, there didn’t seem to be anything suggesting that she didn’t feel romantic and/or sexual attraction for him. Yes, there was manipulation on Leonard’s part, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that Vanya has been in a relationship with men and women. While I haven’t had any personal connection with her story as a bi woman, my experience is not universal, and other bi fans have and can clearly see themselves in her story. 

The same applies to Sissy - she states that she got married for the wrong reasons, that Carl is a “good man”, but never says she loves him. However, we’re years into their marriage falling apart, and there’s nothing to indicate that she never loved him to begin with. 

I don’t think one is more likely to be canon than the other, and I can see why fans cling to one more than the other. Maybe she and Sissy are both lesbians, maybe they’re both bi, maybe one of them is bi and one is lesbian. However, something to note is that her sexuality has not been confirmed, and to say that calling her a lesbian is bisexual erasure or that calling her a bisexual is lesbian erasure can be harmful. Heck, I saw the biphobic argument against a poster who herself was bisexual, and while I’m not saying you can never say anything bad about the group you’re in, I think we also need to remember the people posting and the intent behind their posts, as well as the canon of the show. They should have confirmed what her sexuality is, while personally, I don’t think it was any ill-intent on the show’s part, it’s another common thing to just unlabel a character because it should be “obvious”, when there are many completely valid and fitting interpretations of her character. 

I feel like I’ve seen a lot of disregard on the thought that yes, this can be a lesbian story or that yes, this can be a bisexual story with the thought of, “Well that’s simply not true”, and in this quest to try and call out bi or lesbian erasure the responses end up doing exactly that, and it causes more hurt and harm all around. I’m not saying you can’t headcanon her as one or the other, or have your own thoughts on what the story clearly seems like to you, but I do want to say that I wish folks would remember that we’re all real people reading these defenses and arguments and that it’s hard reading a post about Vanya that believes she’s clearly one sexuality while completely invalidating the experiences of people who are the other.