#they are just points of relation that branch out to me. sorry. i didnt take bio i took chem.

[istherewifiinhell]

hang on this is techically a reply to joelle abt owl metazooa but its my own. More information than needed quick wiki look up soooo

looks like. tyto and strigidae. both owls. within strigiformes. and thats still owls. and the only thing between that and just. Aves. is

Telluraves (also called land birds or core landbirds) is a recently defined[2] clade of birds defined by their arboreality.[3] Based on most recent genetic studies, the clade unites a variety of bird groups, including the australavians (passerines, parrots, seriemas, and falcons) as well as the afroavians (including the Accipitrimorphae – eagles, hawks, buzzards, vultures etc. – owls and woodpeckers, among others).

^which. guessing on that its recent genetic thing. and that i did guess vultures and it didnt connect them as related. im assuming metazooa just doesnt yet reflected the relation!

[limelocked]

some backstory: basically look at this post then work on the assumption that phil is like Ancient/ages slower than humans/players

phil meets babyblade for the first time (brought to you largely unedited from discord messages)

---

thinking about phil being a traveller, walking or flying from town to town trying to find the new place to stay for like 100 years as a cryptid, passing thought a town, well developed with electrical streetlights not yet too common for testificates or players. The day pass slowly into night and with an unwillingness to take into an inn he settles to finding a cave or tree to camp in.

Techno is at that point perhaps half Phils height but still built shockingly strong for a child and he knows well not to disturb armed people sleeping in the woods. The dew clings to his hooves and fur as he inspects the man sleeping among the leaves and his wings. Phil is already awake, watching back from under the shade of his hat, seeing this upright, scar covered, piglet inspect him. Phil slowly moves as if he's just woken up and techno scampers away

phil knows about pigmen, hes never seen one of course but he's heard plenty about them. Theres villager texts with myths about them and its generally accepted that they're the cause of ruined structures though different cultures seem to disagree on if they caused the ruin or caused the building now in disrepair. He asks in town about pigmen but they only talk about what a pest the zombie pigmen and piglins that come through the resident portal are, the undertone of hate matching that of those that theorize towards the more... evil side of the pigmen. 

 They have heard nothing about any pigmen in the area, for all the town knows, and for all that most people know. They dont exist and they might never have

So he goes back to the forest and "accidentally" leaves some food and trinkets at the food of the tree, barely getting any sleep as he waits for the little creature to arrive. And he does. And with caution the piglet studies the food and items for a while, freezing with every movment of the wind through phils great folded wings. Techno takes some of the food, not all of it, and none of the items even though a cheap dagger seemed to make him hesitate on that choice

It goes on for a few nights, phil sleeping through most of them but knowing who it was that took the gifts and left the little napkin neatly still covering what he didnt take and who he found one morning returning with a handful of berries as a return gift. Phils back fucking hurt sleeping in the tree but he'd gotten invested now so what're you gonna do yknow?

Its noon after a week and a day and phil is half nocturnal because of this little thing coming to take and give like trade under his tree. He's almost falling asleep when bushes move and he's back on (exhausted) high alert. He doesnt move. Under him theres no napkin or items or food this time, he just needed a nap, but that doesnt bother the pink spot down on the ground from moving closer and inspecting the spot.  He's disappointed but returns shortly after with more berries and a messy leg of lamb. He thinks, as phil will never find out, that he's stolen everything this stranger has in terms of food so he has to give back some that he's gotten himself right? its only polite? 

"did you get the lamb by yourself?" to say that techno jumped out of his skin would be an underestimation. 

He didnt freeze but instead, just as cautiously as he seemed to do everything, hunched down into a fighters stance knowing well that the man with wings above him could easily catch him "dont worry mate" phils tone became softer, testing the bounderies of this child "-im not going to hurt you if that's what youre worried about"

he didnt change positions other than to look up slowly to.... g- glare? was this little pig kid GLARING at him?! what was that gonna do?? who would be intimidated by this adorable little fuck?!?! Phil would admit it every time anything even remotely related came up later that he laughed, i mean who wouldnt? hed liken it to a puppy glaring you down and how could that be taken seriously its just cute if anything 

techno, covered in scars of battles both with people and with nature, looked at this winged man in almost disbelief. phil, the nicknamed angel of death who seemingly could never die himself, was almost falling off the branch he'd been using as a bed for a week clutching his stomach as he laughed.

"what?!" the impatient, small, voice piped up after a few seconds "whats so funny!?" the seriousness both stopped phil in his tracks and Didnt Help At All. the tone was serious and.. desperate. it caught him off guard and finally his balance fails and he falls, unfurling his wings to catch himself and kicking up leaves and dust from the ground before his adorable little thief 

 "you're a piglet, you couldnt beat me up so stop looking like it" this was the closest the two had ever been, still a few meters apart but it was apparent that techno had only just realized just how Tall phil was compared to him, and how imposing his wings were when stretched to their full width

"heehh i could totally kill you" fake it til you make it, a strategy that had won him many battles before and it had only failed him.... a few times....  "oh could you?" while techno sounded cocky and serious phil was playful and in the ears of this kid, taunting  "mm.. ya" but phil didnt fail to notice how easily a child had threatened murder

-

A month can go quick and a conversation can go slow. A festival had been set up in the time that it took the two to finish their talk under the tree, or so techno would have you believe. There had been three weeks of food being left by both parties and playful banter countered by genuine threats becoming less so by the meeting. Phil had gifted techno, who'd in exchange given his name, the dagger he'd looked at that first night. The exchange was there sure but phil had also had to joke about techno not being able to kill him with bare hoof hand things, he'd need, yknow, a weapon

They sat then, that meeting in the woods a month after their first encounter, sharing food in relative silence. "-and you dont have any parents im guessing or else you'd not be hanging out with this stranger" phil said absentmindedly, a retort to his own lack of family

"fuck off"

stunned. he looked at techno shocked not only at the swear but at the nerve he'd apparently struck, "sorry mate- didnt mean.." he trailed off, studying the pigs reaction but there was none, he'd just kept eating... he watched for a moment more before debating taking another bite of his own food but, no, no he could be stupid "that means you can travel more though right?" a recovery, but only a stepping stone

"mm, guess so yeah" bait effective

"have you been to to the north much?" "... nah.. mostly around here and west" there was a long pause before the eventual "i think" that phil had come to expect at this point, though this time it wasnt accompanied by an equally unsure "im pretty sure"

"well im leaving town, could come with me?"

[iconsumeheadcanons]

persona characters autism headcanons!

hi im autistic and i started my day with sun so now im !!!!!!!!! some of these headcanons are from elsewhere on tumbr, but i dont know where :(((  so i am hoping someone out there knows that n that everybody knows that i love them <3

(also go check out mollypaup and i think hypeswap if you havent already! they post some good stuff autism+adhd hc too!!! i think.. oh! and thieves-in-the-palace!!!)

P5

Joker

there was some artwork from someone on tublr..where they pointed out that he doesnt really talk outside the metaverse so--hes hyperverbal as joker and just near nonverbal as akiren

he stims ALL THE TIME. that phone thing, the pencil thing, the little tappy tap of his foot, pulling at his bangs when hes embarrassed/smug. someone get him a fidget spinner. he’ll prob learn to do tricks with it

he probably sucks at focusing in class, like i know its just the game design but hes always surprised out of his daily “star out the window at the nearby office building” when his teachers ask him questions

mona mentions when the pt is at Wilton for the first time (after they run into shido) that joker eats like shit, and that could have multiple causes at the start of the story of course, but when i first played i thought that joker was a picky eater and that the variety (and amount of food) at the buffet would be an Ordeal...

tho mona makes that comment bc joker looked pale after having a little ptsd moment from shidos voice, but i didnt know that the first time i played

maybe when joker makes a face at ryuji putting so much ginger in his gyudon? joker probably does not like pickled ginger lol

his favortive foods are all spicy, which is why the curry he makes for his friends is always ‘overly spicy’, and why kasumi makes him a curry bento and joker kept going “...?” .... “....?!”

overly reflective glasses have been a great plus for him bc now he never has to make real eye contact every again!

mona Soft. play with Ann hair. maybe Braid. nice

puns (Gorou the Goroumet)

he has so many options to be straight up rude sometimes in game. he probably no clue on his own, which is why he defaults to Not Talking. people probably mention his constant scary face, which is just him being nonexpressive, squinting at all the fucking bright lights, and Tired

executive function who? we do everything last minute folks

high pain tolerance, which is why he was the kid that was always climbing trees in elementary school to get basketballs unstuck from the branches

his sixth sense lets him see treasure and possible places to climb/crawl bc 1. Shiny? Steal it. Steal it Now. and 2. Could i fit in that? Time to Find Out

probalby a bit of a klepto too oops. he’ll return it tho!! but he has to do it dramatically or he’ll die

cant sit properly to save his life

smells and touch are Great, they can keep him grounded when his brain goes off to police or dead rivals or guilt or

if a friend hung out with him and gave him total reigns of the agenda, he would choose to nap on the floor while his friend does something off to the side quietly

hyperfocuses on handy tasks (i.e. lockpicks, coffee brewing, cleaning, his part time jobs) and some things like movies and books. everything else is a tossup

his (normal) navigation app is his most used app bc he still doesnt know where hes going, even though he only goes to the same few places in the city

hates being sweaty, literally cannot stand it. probably double exhausted during the summer

but Needs Compression so hes often Struggling

Futaba

paraphrase from p5d “i have no motor skills so i cant play rhythm games :(” need i say more? (i will regardless)

echolalia all the time, from anime, memes, the PT

those headphones she wears all the time? noise cancelling ear protectors babey

only talks about her interests, “normal” talking is Not Easy, but she is still communicative w others despite her worries. shes not “hard to understand” at all but she feels the anxiety nonetheless

only talks informally, cannot talk ‘politely’ with out imitating someone around her

shes had meltdowns and anxiety attacks in game :( i relate so hard

Technology. thats it

def had an egypt phase that pops up every few months. probably came from yu-gi-oh

has Immune to Bright Lights buff.  joker is very jealous

“Time to make like a tree and leave!” and 30 other iterations

video game metaphors are the only ones that makes sense to her

probably relates hard to robot characters in anime for their general androgyny and confusion about human emotions and connections

probably gets told that shes “too smart to be on the spectrum” by teachers >:( she fails their classes on purpose

wakaba’s autistic too that just how it is

the Connection that she establishes with Joker is so Warm. my life goals include adopting an older brother like futaba has lsdkfjslkfj

also eater of 5 foods only, i mean, she brings cup ramen to the beach. i just really admire her...

hides in small spaces for comfort

doesnt she have like uhhhhh hyperthymesia or something like that?

Yusuke

art

his entire social link is learning how humans work, which i relate

talks seriously all the time

“sarcasm? who is that? are you saying I was sarcastic?...how?”

cant remember to take care of his body, and madarame did not help with that either

lot of uncomfortable staring, hes overdoing the eye contact thingy

infodumps all the time, doesnt know hes doing it

needs a lot of support even if he doesnt think he deserves it. no one ever complains about helping him out tho

visual stims my friends

he didnt know that you could look up pictures on the internet but he does know you can stream live videos of waterfalls and fluffy animales!!

I am certainly in the mood

for something salty today.

he and joker are scared of math. numbers do not interact

Yusuke, futaba, and akiren are a trio and i know this bc their first day of non-thievery interacts is Akiren clearing Futabas room w/o permission, futaba hyperfocusing on destroying medjed, and yusuke rearranging futabas figurines so they are more visually appealing

morgana is a support friend for all of them bc igor knows they need it

P4

Souji/Yu

yes, he mostly wears gray semi formal clothes bc parents tell him to, no, he will not changes this

Schedule or Death

“sorry, could you repeat that?” “huh? oh yeah, i was saying that--” “yeah that’d be cool.”

cats, fishing, he just likes to be quiet. you can literally spend a day at the beach just to think if you want, and that is what yu want

has a lot of scripts for things (of which he shares with nanako!) but if he runs out he just stops talking..

inaba is a godsend bc its so fucking quiet and warm

he Yearns to hold his friends hands, but he shies away from a lot of touch (excepting yosuke, teddie, and nanako)

Cooking and Cleaning makes the world better. he and joker vibe together with this

unlike akiren, he strong arms any executive dysfunction into Be Productive or Else. his punishment is feeling the pure anxiety of having to make up for ‘lost time’. (another symptom of his workaholic parents)

writes everything down, notes are very neat, has pages dedicated for bad doodles when hes not feeling his usual Super Classroom Focus

Cannot handle secondhand embarrassment (most often caused by yosuke) and will quietly slip away to random cats or origami folding

hungry, crunch crunch folks. probably needs chewelry bc he used to chew on his shirt collars when he was younger.

cleans up after everyone in the food court, constantly worries about them accidently hurting themselves. likely spends half of group conversations watching peoples hands

he canonically eats expired food, nanako plz help your brother

really clumsy, but people only notice after they decide that he is a cool person

video games are too chaotic for him

exhausted every night from the pure amount of masking he does, if a friend spends the night (or is like yosuke) they will know his more comfortable weirdo self (tho everyone knows hes a weirdo eventually)

hyperempathetic, sometimes just understands animals and children better than peeople his age or older

Yukiko

her jokes

she and souji get in ‘trouble’ together, she and joker commit crimes together

she and chie have to coordinate outfits, its important

actually understands metaphors, but does not understand people

like me, had no clue that creepy kid was flirting with her

she is very angry when she has meltdowns that might involve slamming doors and shouting. her parents call these ‘tantrums’ and ‘unfitting for a polite daughter’ but really thats because her meltdowns tend to be caused by arguments w her family after a long day of school and TV world traipsing

the metronome meme, except hers goes between Loudest Person in the Room to Quietest Pin Drop in the Planet. she is completely unaware of this

her atmosphere brightens when chie appears. that is not only the lesbian energy within her, but also because chie is like her Favorite Person

Cannot wear Pants. No (tho she wants to try it! but she puts them on and her soul instantly squashes)

happy flappy lesbian! watch out!

Naoto

the pouty face. all the time lskdfjlasdkf

hes really snappy sometimes and i love that for him. he and akechi should fight just to see what would happen (please read Bang Bang Shoot Shoot on AO3)

“do not touch me or my hat, thank you”

no one has ever seen him shutdown and no one ever will (except for his grandpa)(and kanji)(and rise)

probably likes certain food textures and will stand for nothing less, probably feels embarrassed about his preferences with friends

constantly jumps between ‘everybody hates me so i should act like them so they dont hate me’ to ‘i refuse to be anything but very comfortable as myself, and i dont care that im making you upset sir’

he and souji are the king and queen of subtle stims, but for unhappy reasons :(

does not make jokes. cannot joke around. understand? yes, do? no.

loose clothes are the only good clothes, but all tags and obtrusive seams will be obliterated by kanji tatsumi

not very empathetic so he probably comes off as an asshole to strangers (like when he throws away his classmates confession letters without reading them) but he tries so hard to sound comforting when his buds are struggling.

his understanding of others emotions/reactions come from his learning as a detective, which seems cold+clinical to others, especially compared to souji, whos completely unexpressive but very introverted people person

P3

Hamuko/Minako/Kotone

big personality!! very people-oriented!! koromaru and her are buddies!! when shes having a real bad time, shes very quiet and expressions turn off

interrupts herself in the middle of conversations all the time. no one knows where shes coming from. her brains is thousands of km ahead of her body

bouncey legs, swingin arms, twirlly skirt, little somersaults! when will she stop? never!

very obvious music stims with her hands and arms! people are like “oh there she goes! happy as usual!” shes listening to minatos heavy metal playlist

switches from exhausted to excited within milliseconds. no one can predict, not even her

SEES has to ask her for context all the time cuz she’ll just continue shit from 2 weeks ago without warning

professionals will assume shes very childish bc of how chipper she is, but she is beyond mature for her age and only feels comfortable enough to have serious conversations if a person has proved themself able to handle it

collects every little thing. her room is a mess and she has to get rid of most of it every time she moves :(

hates cleaning! smells bad, feels bad hhhhhgggg

dont let mitsuru-senpai see her bedroom

gets lost in the middle of conversations with others bc shes thinking about a story connected to one(1) word that was said earlier

 no sense of time and place, she just sees her friends and goes “ah, this is the right place, then” but junpei and akihiko are also lost so now theyre all screwed

Minato/Makoto/Sakuya

no talkies, no walkies

his story in the movies is him literally learning how to function around people he cares for

doesnt get jokes, expressions, body language, empathy, subtlety, metaphors, physical contact, or eye contact. aigis is probably the only person he truly understands right away

he is still nice to people because he doesnt see a reason not to be, but also he has very limited energy so only his senpai and old people get his most polite-kindnesses

cannot describe feelings for the life of him. the team wont know hes injured or sick until hes passed out

everything is too loud, time to drown it out with my loud ass music

rocking and chewing stims, ryoji is the first person to point him out for these subtle stims (not accusingly of course, just general pure curiosity and love for the uniqueness of humanity)

likes to cover his face with whatever is available, lives like a bat in a dark dry cave

will wear anything that has pockets and his blue/gray/black palette

sleepy at all times bc he never has much energy

when he was younger he probably needed a lot of support, especially after his parents died, because he wouldnt communicate like a neurotypical and would shutdown for hours in the middle of school without warning. probably missed a lot of lessons and field trips out of pure overstimulation

eating at all times. no preference, just whatevers closest

his meltdowns probalby include humming whining noises and curling up in a ball, which makes people want to touch him, but that is the LAST thing he wants. put a blanket on him! play some music! do not talk and do not expect him to speak

aigis is the only person who can touch him normally bc her hands are cold and he likes cold

never nude, feels mmmmmmmmm without clothes and probalby wears a full robe in the hotsprings

will not do things that take more than one step w/o someone else walking him thru it, which Same

[shiro-0197]

AHH it's okay the important thing is that you got your rest!! I'm glad you're okay now tho xD

oh my gosh YES 😭💖 I'd love that. There's just something special about the ice cream there, I swear—

Yes it was very very nice. Gordon was as cute as ever, and it was nice just hanging out with my friends on the first day of the new year.

oh I'm not sure what the fashion ones are for (probably yes, to make people look hotter grrr) but I have a few sports ones because they help with my grip, like cycling and tennis. It protects the palms, I guess, haha.

No I understand. Your school probably has different branches in other cities. Mine doesn't but I know some that do, so don't worry I'm not confused 😝😝

ahhh I'm sorry xD we use the term freely here, kinda like what you call your best friend, but okay twins with an age gap, that's cute. You're right, you two are pretty similar, at least from what I've seen. I have Aaron, who's very similar to me, so I can understand how you regard Kuro haha. But yes, it's always nice to relate to someone and have them with you. I've said this tons of times, but you guys are truly lucky to have each other.

thank you :) I hope so too. It's just something I have to work on, I suppose. But I'm really good at hiding my emotions, to the point where my friends don't know what I feel at all (besides happiness), and that's pretty scary honestly, because I wish I could be more transparent about it. Oh off topic again, but yeah just wanted to put that out there xD

I'm sure she considers you a huge help to her, and it's plain to see that you love her very much, so I hope things get easier for her!!

oh please don't worry about that at all, I completely understand! When I said that, I hope it didn't come out as me asking or anything (it was never my intention 😣😣)— I just meant that I didn't even need to know, because I still think you're cute and attractive all the same :)) and I already have a rough idea from what you've told me, so don't worry about creating an artbreeder :P (tho I've seen a bunch of anime characters on artbreeder and they're so pretty. I might just use it myself to make Oikawa or the Miya twins on it 😭😭💖)

Oh I see that's so cool!! You're mixed too :)) and yeah, it'd be so nice meeting people from other cultures as well >.< It's a shame, but that's okay! I'm sure one day, you'll be able to travel wherever you want, and bring your mom along too :))

I hope so too !! Fingers crossed, it might be the start of a beautiful new friendship ;)

aw that sounds so cute!! I'm so envious of people who have dreams, I rarely have them and it's so nice to indulge in them when you're asleep, and remember them when you wake !! do you have dreams often? And ahhh good good !! Glad they didn't lie about it or anything smh -_- I'm happy you enjoyed it :) and that's okay I'm weird too, we'll be weird together 😚💖

Intelligence is hot— 😭. And I'll probably start rambling about the history of firecrackers because I'm a show-off too (did you know they originated from China? 😍)

😃🔫 It ended an hour and a half late. I was too tired to watch anything :(( but that's okay I'll watch it tonight!! I hope you're enjoying your day. I love you more.

—ɐuɐᴉɹɐ🙃

Ahhh so sorry for late response!! I had to go out and I left my phone because it was out of battery😭😭

Ohh, does it? I hope they have melon ice cream😝

Aww that makes me so happy??!? I hope your next hey year goes like this, too!! I'm glad you had a great time

Ohh, right, I forgot about those xD yeah, I guess it's slippery when your hands are sweaty so gloves are useful. I really have no knowledge in sports clothes😭😭

Alright alright, glad you know!! Tbh I really hoep I can visit his school as a graduate one day:D

We really are😩 it's really awesome to have someone who's like you. It's like you're talking to yourself, but people won't find you weird because you're actually talking to another person. Though their answers are actually unpredictable, but that's good😋 I'm really glad you have Aaron. He seem like a great lil guy^^

I see what you mean, to be honest I'm like that too when I really dont feel well. It's really nice that you're trying to change that for yourself! Dont worry about getting offtopic, I do so as well hehe

Me too!! I really hope so

No no no no dont worry, Kuro had the idea when he saw the trend. He knew I didnt like taking pics even though I'm not really insecure about myself, so he proposed making one so I can share. Because i want people to see that I'm pretty😡 snjrjwjdjsnfjw

About that, he likes to send me the ugliest pics from Artbreeder and says "this is you" because he thinks hes funny ( ok he is but 😭😭)

He sent me this bad boy saying it's me and to be honest I think I'm never going on that forsaken website ever

Btw good luck with making the guys!!! Tbh I barely know how to use it and usually I get pictures like ^that one so uh it's painful really xD

I sure will!! And I will kidnap Kuro and his mom and we will go to Norway and eat cheeseburgers👍 and meet you of course hehe

Well, I do have dreams! Pretty often too, though they're nothing much? Usually I'm just there, watering plants or eating fresh pastry (which hurts when I wake up because turns out I dont actually have any)

Exactly!! Also that's great to hear, so just two weirdos chilling😋

True true, if someone says something smart with a smart look on their face trust me I'm already in love and planning our marriage😭 heheh, let's be show offs together I guess💕💕 also, I'd say I didn't but i think i subconsciously knew (is that a thing ??) about that because of Kung Fu Panda 2 XD

Awhh😭😭 well, I hope you slept well and have the energy to watch it today!! I did enjoy my day, it was pretty cool, I got a spicy&juicy hot dog and a coffee (which was fake as hell and sucked ass) during my adventure 😝 I hope yours went fun as well! I missed you, love you lots💞💞💕

[imagine-loki]

Mad Predictions

TITLE: Mad Predictions

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 2

AUTHOR: inspired-snowflace

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: “A freedom restrained the sun shall invoke, The gift from the plea a mother spoke, Purpose shall be bestowed upon your life, In form of one you should have called wife, A lover presumed dead shall be back, Now shall you truly pay for your attack.”

Ever since the fortune teller had spilt these words, Loki’s life was thrown into a hurricane. He dared to hope that after the attack on New York and the following arrest, things would get better, but these words seemed to point in an opposite direction.

Things would never remain the same, for better or worse.

RATING: Everyone

NOTES/WARNINGS: Just a note- Tony can be playfully annoying in this story, joking at the wrong moments, but that is only because he knows that humour would cheer you up. Otherwise, he loves you as if you were his child. Mentions of nightmares. Also, there is a description of the scars. The medical analysis is not from any reliable source. Read the next chapter early on my tumblr!!

RECAP : You are an avenger, who remembers nothing of her past. Her powers can kill painfully, but they can also heal people. When Thor brings Loki on Earth to serve for his punishments, the reader and Loki have a fight. However, you feel a connection to Loki. Loki remembers you too, but as a lover he murdered.

That night you had one of your worst nightmares. With assassinating people, nightmares came. But today, it was not ghosts haunting you. You felt as if you were falling off a cliff. No. You were being THROWN off a cliff. You could not identify the person standing in front of you in your dream. Was he the one that pushed you off? Was he there to save you? You didnt know how but you were sure of three things- first, the person was a man. Second, he had betrayed you. Third, he was filled with remorse for his actions.

“Y/N!!” you heard someone scream. But you knew it wasn’t in your dream. You woke up to see yourself completely drenched in sweat. You were shivering and the dryness of your throat had you thinking that you had been screaming your lungs off. But a look around the room, confirmed that thought. Your screams woke the avengers up. And all of them were ready as if to kill some attacker.

“Are you alright?” Clint asked.

“No!”

“It was only a dream, right?” Tony questioned with concern.

“It was! But it felt so real!! As if that had actually happened..”

Through the corner of your eye you saw a figure standing idly in your room. A figure looking at whom you wondered why he had even bothered to come here.

“What did you see?” Clint asked while handing you a water bottle.

“I…. fell off a cliff… no…. somebody pushed me off the cliff… it was a huge drop…like a 100 feet drop… I most definitely… died.” You said as the memories crashed back.

“It was so real.” You added; still shaken slightly. With an involuntary glance, you knew that Loki was looking at you with sad eyes, his shiny green emeralds upon you.

“Y/N” Nat started carefully, “By any chance do you remember whether you fell on your back or front?” her voice seemed relaxed but you knew it was urging.

“I was facing the person who pushed me off. I think I landed on my back.”

The assassin and the archer exchanged a look. Before you could say anything, the assassin added, “Do you think the scars on the back of your head are… due to being pushed off a cliff?” As a reply, you frowned. Dr. Banner checked the cracks on your head and looked grimly “They can be. A 100 feet fall you say? The closely bunched up nature tells us that the impact was absorbed by one region and the slight branching out indicates that there was just one powerful impact. So yes… what you are thinking, about it being a memory, it is possible.”

“Is that possible? A memory?” You said glancing at both Bruce and Tony.

“Yes. Often when you see certain things, certain triggers activate your subconscious to be active and instead of recalling them as memories, you recall them as dreams, or nightmares, in your case.” Bruce explained.

“Very similar to PTSD” Tony added, shooting a hot glance at Loki.

You had no idea what to think about this. A memory of the life you have lived? And that memory was being thrown off a 100 foot cliff?

“No, Y/N, that does not mean that your life was filled with trauma. It is just that the trigger reminded you of the most horrible event in your life.” Bruce said as if reading your thoughts.

“Y/N, do you want to sleep with Nat instead?” Steve questioned.

“No. I am really very sorry that I woke you all up…” you felt ashamed. “Nothing to worry about lady Y/N. Everyone has such times.” Thor reassured.

“Thank you guys.”

“And Y/N don’t worry. If anything dare disturb your sleep again, we would love to torch it to death.” Tony said with a playful wink but you knew he meant his words.

The next morning you woke up to see you room bare with none of your things in there. You rushed out to check what was happening. “Hey Y/N, you are awake!” Tony said when he saw you. When you questioned him for an explanation he replied, “Oh, well, last night you seemed pretty shaken. So we decided to shift your room. Perks- you are closer to Thor and Bruce now. But there is a disadvantage- you are now also closer to reindeer games. But don’t worry, he was threatened enough times.” After thanking him and his usual- “don’t mention it, kid”, you entered your room. Everything was placed beautifully.

However, at night you woke up at the sound of muffled up screams, only to discover that they were not coming from your throat. You opened your door to check that they were from the corner room, where Loki lived. Hesitantly at first, you went to his room to see him in a mess. His hair scattered in a circle around his head and body covered in sweat. You decided to help him for reasons unknown to your own self. You sat down and started humming many songs that you knew. Many were pop songs, but there were some that sounded like classical folklore. You seemed to know the entire tune but could not recollect the lyrics. His body seemed to calm immediately under the soothing touch of your voice. However, that meant that you will have to sing the entire night so that he could sleep. You tried using the original recordings or recordings of your voice but nothing seemed to work. He needed your and only your voice.

These late night adventures caused you to loose a lot of sleep. There were not many nightmares, for there was hardly any sleep. But the nights where there were, it was the same- falling off a cliff while the sky was painted a bright orange. This caused your dark circles to run deeper, you became lazier and generally grumpy. However, you felt happier that you were helping somebody. Loki seemed more refreshed during the day and less grumpier.

Despite the first conversation with him, Loki granted you sad meaningful looks from time to time as if he knew something. At times, it seemed like an apology. Sometimes it just felt like he KNEW that it was you behind his newfound sleep. Yet he made no efforts to talk to about the same. Despite everything, the conversations were very few, if any at all. But whenever he was with you, there was a sadness laced in his eyes.

This continued for a month or so. The other avengers seemed to notice your lack of sleep and whenever they confronted you about the same, you would come up with some silly excuse for staying up late- “Oh! I was craving some ice-cream” or “I wanted to finish this book but didn’t realise it was late”.

You weren’t exactly sure why you were doing this- he just seemed like someone who atleast deserved a good night sleep. Or probably, you were doing it due to the connection earlier. Or was it something else? Well, he was handsome and charismatic but that couldn’t be it, could it? You weren’t sure about why you were lying to the avengers. They would generally be proud to know you were helping somebody, but in this case you felt that they would try to talk you out of it. Or rather force you out of it (they can be rather stubborn) and so due to such reasons you kept it a secret, even from Steve. You didn’t require as much of sleep as the others but one month of seldom sleep was taking its toll on you. One day, knowing that you wouldn’t last much longer if you kept sleep depriving yourself, you decided to investigate the cause of his nightmares. If you could solve that itself, you would be able to sleep and Loki would get a goodnight’s sleep.

You had been tempted to do this before but you felt that by invading his nightmares, you would be stepping into a private area without permission. But today you felt that you would just go to sleep and feared that Loki would discover you sleeping in his room ( unbeknownst to you, that had already happened where he had carried you to your room, confirming his thoughts that you had been behind his sleep). However, the thing bothering you other than the invasion of privacy was the unknown nature of your powers. Wanda had seen your mind while searching for memories and the only thing that she had stumbled across was that your base powers were the ones related to life only. But occasionally, you displayed powers like teleportation or telepathy (that is how you knew Steve’s past with Peggy and that led you to connect to him due to the loss of his lover). And to see into his dreams you would require to tap into that side of your powers that you had no idea about. But overwhelmed by the need to sleep, you ceased singing.

After a few minutes, you saw Loki moving his head from side to side and you knew that the nightmare had started. A few shivers went through his body like the waves of the sea. You sighed and tapped his forehead with your index finger. Your head jerked back as you entered his dream. You saw Loki walking, an orange expanse spread in the sky with a funnel of clouds above the cliff he stood on. You even thought that you heard a muffled warning somewhere. But no, that was not the weird part. You were there with Loki!!! You wore something that vaguely resembled a gown, a faded leafy green and flower designs. You looked very happy and were taking animatedly while using your hands. For some reason you were facing Loki and walking backwards.

However, the present you couldn’t hear their conversation. Both Loki and well, you, didn’t notice yourself watching them. Suddenly, you reached the edge of the cliff and the present you’s heart got caught in your throat thinking this is your end. Little did you know that you had a worse fate.

Loki caught your shoulders before you could fall. The past you looked thankful then confused. The present you didn’t understand this until you saw Loki’s solemn expression and a lone tear gliding down his cheek.

And then it happened. Loki pushed you down the cliff. You saw the tears and heard the scream of agony of your falling self. And then silence. A strong jolt went through your (present self’s) scar. Loki turned to the man who you assumed was the one who had given out the muffled warning. He wore a black cloak so you couldn’t see his face.

As Loki argued to the body, you saw an avalanche of emotions tumble through his face- sadness, regret, anger. After talking, he hastily hurried away (as if he hadn’t just killed you so to speak). The last scene you saw was your limp body lying at the cliff below with the waves of your hair surrounded by a crimson circle. You and Loki both woke up with a start. You both made eye contact before you ran to your room as the truth dawned on you- he had murdered you.

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 2

Last time, on Symphogear!

An adorable little girl, stood up by her date for a reasonable explanation, jams it out with her favorite pop duo, caught unawares that they are also a monster-fighting syndicate experimenting with the power of sound (the power to make you dizzy) to activate an ancient historical relic. Shit goes south as the jams prove to be too powerful, guaranteeing tragedy amidst an otherwise baller concert. Hibiki is rescued by The Bigger Of The Lesbians before she self-destructs to make sure the entire threat is neutralized, leaving The Smaller Lesbian sad, yet still incredibly gay. Years pass as our protagonist goes to Music School, for Music, to bunk it up with her girlfriend as she tries to figure out what the hell happened. Her prayers are answered when she tries to rescue a little girl and is promptly cornered, activating the same outfit The Bigger Lesbian that saved her had on. Gungnir Dattos all around, The Smaller Lesbian loses her shit as everything goes downhill from there.

Now, where were we?

...right. The piss beacon.

And the person taking the piss.

Hibiki has nary a clue what to do. Symphogears don’t actually come with manuals, you see. They’re sort of a “close your eyes and wing it” kind of experience. In Tsubasa’s case, it’s quite literal.

“FUCK that was COOL AS SHIT, tight as FUCKING HELL”

Take pity on this face. This is the face of someone who’s last memories will be a confused lady wondering why she is suddenly part machine.

“imma save you widdle kid”

Something to note about this show is that all the fighters sing while fighting. Hibiki is no exception, even after being confused about what the hell she’s doing. It helps that her voice actress is a professional singer.

It helps that every voice actress here is some sort of professional singer.

This picture basically summarizes why Hibiki is cool despite being so goddamned dumb. She’s angry, and she’s gonna protect some kids even if she dies doing it. Kanade would be proud, if she wasn’t too busy being dead.

No shit!

Have you ever watched the original Sam Reimi’s Spiderman? Like, the very first one? You know all those awkward scenes about Spiderman learning how his powers work? Hibiki basically does that under crunch time. There’s a long segment about how she’s forced to figure things out while protecting a kid and Not Dying.

It’s going pretty great.

I can’t believe she’s secretly Steve Urkel.

“cannot FUCKING believe that girl my girlfriend saved managed to GET HER HANDS on her FUCKING CLOTHES that I WANTED to ENSHRINE IN A MEMORIAL to her how the FUCK did she do that cant BELIEVE i have to SAVE HER IDIOT ASS because she just CANT EVEN DO THAT-”

Tsubasa, preparing herself as a contender for the World’s Angriest Lesbian, barrels through the Noise in her motorcycle...

...which she smashes directly into the Noise. It does nothing.

Tsubasa has many a motorcycle to smash. It’s a testament to her dedication following her aesthetic.

She fueled the tank completely before smashing it in.

Tsubasa... is petty.

As Tsubasa t-poses to assert dominance (a woman ahead of her time, this first aired in 2012), she comes down ready to kick some ass and vent some frustrations. And frankly? She’s all out of ass.

“oh my god she’s even hotter up close i cant believe it”

“fucking knock-off outfit looks like it came out of a bootleg flea market”

You don’t need to know what happens next, because you already know what happens when someone shows up with a fucking sword ready to sing about their dead girlfriend and the conflicting feelings about seeing her armor pop up again on someone else.

Murder.

Lots... and lots... of murder.

“we’re so fucking useless why do we even exist”

After Tsubasa finishes what could only be described as a massacre, we’re treated to how people clean up the aftermath.

“hey, you know, make fun of me all you want, but at the end of the day, im the one holding the vacuum cleaner, and you’re literally turned to dust, so”

Even this little girl knows shit’s about the go down. Got the tea and everything.

This is one of the minor characters of the series. She works for the 2nd Division. Who is the 2nd Division? You’ll find out soon.

“i didnt die! fuck yeah. today’s a good day.”

“OH WAIT NO-”

Hibiki learns that her outfit unsets after a while, like bideo game. Who catches her mid-fall?

Her new best friend, of course. Don’t be fooled by this look. Tsubasa tragically suffers from resting angry face syndrome. It is, unfortunately, incurable.

“i hate how cute she is”

Hibiki reminds her that this is technically the second time Tsubasa has saved her, which in the large scheme of things, seems incredibly innocuous for someone who escaped a major tragedy many years ago. Unfortunately, time doesn’t move forward for Season 1 Tsubasa. Not for quite a while...

The funny part is it doesn’t even hit her initially. She never actually saw Hibiki personally during that moment, so she actually doesn’t even have a clue what she means.

Look at her. Look at this clown. How could you hate her. Look at that smile.

All the survivors are always forced to write NDAs about what they saw. This grows to comical levels at times, given the scale of what happens eventually. It might as well be the world’s biggest open secret by now.

“aight homies looks like i gotta go home, the wife’s gonna be lonely an-”

Oh.

“sorry holmes but you’re going to gay baby jail like the rest of us singers”

Hibiki’s face is riddled with guilt. The guilt of someone who just saved a little girl. How dare you, Hibiki. This is what you get for doing The Right Thing.

And so she’s taken to “jail.”

“sorry pal but you literally turned into a huge weapon and you have no idea how to use it so!”

And so, Hibiki was never seen again...

Alright, so she really isn’t going to jail. She is genuinely being taken into custody, though. To be honest, this kind of handcuff procedure is sort-of ridiculous for someone who literally just saved children, and you could probably bribe her to join them with a 10 piece chicken dinner, but hey, fuck it. 2nd Division has protocols, and that is to arrest people.

“i cant believe i was a fan of a narc all this time”

The school has a giant elevator that goes deep into the Earth. Also, look at that symbolism. Hibiki’s the only one looking at her own reflection. Deep.

Thanks, Tsubasa.

The interior decorator for this elevator is wild.

Tsubasa forbodes where they’re all going as some ominous, strange, and evil place where joy and happiness die. Where good feelings and innocence are destroyed, and hope is crushed and ripped at the seams.

As it turns out, Tsubasa is just an angsty piece of shit.

So here’s the situation:

The 2nd Branch, which are the people in charge of poking relics until they glow with the power of music to study and harness the power of as weapons to kill the Noise, live in a several mile deep high tech basement of an all girl’s boarding school dedicated to music. This is because, for the record, that the girls recruited to this school have the habit of being a little bit attuned to these relics. Hibiki, a newly christened Gear user, is now being recruited into this organized by Genjuro.

“i never got this kind of party when i was recruited”

“thats because nobody liked you, hans”

“im skipping my soaps for this”

“fucking hate my twin brother hans”

“she?????? gets a party??? SHE. gets a party. I DON’T GET A PARTY. SHE... GETS A PARTY? and i dont get a fucking party. i was literally BORN into this job. NOBODY gives me a damn party. this MORON who CLOWNS AROUND with her SUBPAR SONGS. gets a party. oh my god. oh my GOD. FUCK. FUCK!”

“if this is what its like to get arrested i gotta be gayer and do more crimes”

“I’m not actually surprised. I’m just pretending to be. I’m just really not good at pretending to be surprised.”

“fucking hate this family, im gonna eat all of hibikis cake and cry in my room”

Remember: This show first released in 2012. Ryoko? Trendsetter.

Ryoko’s screen is very dirty and foggy. Don’t ask why. Don’t even remember why I pointed this out. Just forget this point completely.

Hibiki understands that handcuffs just aren’t fashionable.

Genjuro casually explains that they’re the fictional japanese equivalent of the NSA, all while doing magic tricks. Truly a man of many talents.

Tsubasa is already plotting how to vent about all this in her diary, which she addresses as letters of Kanade every time she writes in it.

Genjuro and Ryoko introduces themselves as everyone else apologizes to her, except Tsubasa.

Ogawa also intro- yes, I’m recycling a picture- introduces himself. He’s pretty cool, too, and serves as Tsubasa’s ninja bodyguard, butler, and all around mentor. We never get a backstory on him, and likely never will. It’s best to keep it that way; it only adds to the mystery of who the hell this guy is.

“weird flex but okay”

Hibiki realizes she’s being recruited, after being told she’s being recruited. Given some brain cells remain in her head, she asks the obvious and wonders what the hell happened to her.

“ryoko, care to explain?”

“well, it’s simple. you’re the protagonist now.”

Ryoko, who has no sense of boundaries, subjects Hibiki to a medical inspection. As creepy as her tone is, its to inspect the state of Hibiki’s newly formed gear.

She’s finally freed from that long winded event and returns home to her wife.

“buddy you smell like shit. and french fries.”

“hibiki. you’re not dead, hibiki. come on, get up. i just cleaned this floor, hibiki. hibiki, please. this is genuinely unbecoming of you. hibiki, oh my god.”

“miku please i learned how to kick ass and im tired and please let me enjoy this nice floor”

Tsubasa does the thing real life Symphogear and all related products never actually bother to do.

“god she’s so gay for her but i know she’d never cheat on me so”

Hibiki ruminates on the day she’s had. This is where the really dumb angst comes in. You see, Hibiki can’t tell anyone about what happened, and Miku, now a civilian in her eyes, cannot know about her alter ego Symphogear antics. Hibiki feels bad about this.

“y u no trust me. y u no tell me troof. im wife.”

After a brief heart to heart Hibiki smiles and snuggles her girlfriend.

They’re gay.

“im gonna marry her knowing full well she’ll sleep through the ceremony. god.”

[whistlekick]

Sifu Glen Doyle is a martial arts practitioner and instructor. He is a former Kung Fu champion and practices Irish Martial Arts.

There’s a sense of comfort that you get right away when you cross over certain martial arts…

Sifu Glen Doyle – Episode 360

Learning how to fight is sometimes instilled into us on a very early age. Sifu Glen Doyle learned boxing as soon as he began speaking because of his father. Later on, he would turn into martial arts such as Kung Fu and stick fighting. What makes Sifu Doyle special is that he practices Irish Martial Arts traditions that are part of his roots. Sifu Glen Doyle has a lot to tell so, listen to find out more!

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Show Transcript

You can read the transcript below or download here.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Hello and welcome to this show. This is whistlekick Martial Arts Radio episode 360. Today, I’m joined by Sifu Glen Doyle. My name is Jeremy. I’m the founder at whistlekick. I’m your host on the show. And martial arts is a huge part of my life. So huge that it became my career. You can check out all the things that we work on at whistlekick. Many of those things, I am personally involved in over at whistlekick.com. Don’t forget. If you buy something, use the code PODCAST15. Save this 15%. It’s a thank you from us to you and honestly, lets us know that this podcast is worth doing. Because let’s face it. This is a business and we’ve got to make some money somewhere because I need to it. Not a lot but I do need to eat something.

Here we are, 360 episodes in and we’re still finding new martial arts to talk about. Did you know that there were Irish martial arts traditions? Well, today’s guest not only has family lineage through Irish martial arts but also something that most of us would consider more contemporary, more conventional in that Kung Fu. So, we not only get to talk about each of those arts but the contrasts, the similarities between the two, and the wonderful story that unfolds as Sifu Doyle talks about his life and his navigation through both of those arts and what it meant to him and his family. So, hold on, listen, and learn something. Sifu Doyle, welcome to whistlekick Martial Arts Radio.

Glen Doyle:

Thank you very much. Happy to be here.

Jeremy Lesniak:

I’m happy to have you here. Now, listeners, this was one we were chatting just before we started the episode that I think we were both afraid that this might be the episode that didn’t happen. There were a number of power outages on both ends. It was crazy. I’ve had issues with losing power here. I’ve has issues with guests losing power there. I don’t think we’ve ever had an episode scheduled for a time where both sides lost power.

Glen Doyle:

I like to respond like an echo.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Awesome. But we’re here now and I appreciate your flexibility in rescheduling. I’ve been looking forward to talking to you.

Glen Doyle:

My pleasure, my pleasure.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Great. Well, let’s start the way we start a martial arts show. We need some background. We need some basics. We need to learn how to make a fist and punch as it were with who you are. So, how did you find martial arts?

Glen Doyle:

Well, I mean, I was more or less, not to sound melodramatic, but I was kind of born into it. My dad was a boxer. And he boxed for a number of years. Mostly when he was in the Canadian Armed Forces but he was always boxing. And so, he started me whether I wanted to or not. In 1969, when I was 4 years old, he put on the boxing gloves and I got my first lesson. And it went on till however long dad was alive. He started me boxing and then in 1972, he started me in stick fighting. And then I wanted to branch out and learn other styles and stuff. So, in and around 1981, I branched out and joined a Chinese Kung Fu club in Toronto. And I stayed with that club until my Sifu, Sifu Lore King Hong, passed away in 2008. So basically, from 1969 to present has been my martial arts path. But I got basically involved in it with my dad started punching at me and didn’t give me a choice but to punch back, so.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Wow. All right. So, you’ve got a couple of different things going on, a few different martial arts.

Glen Doyle:

Uh-hum.

Jeremy Lesniak:

And one of the things that I find personally fascinating is how people start to relate those back to each other.

Glen Doyle:

Right.

Jeremy Lesniak:

So, what does that look like for you?

Glen Doyle:

Well, I mean, you could… If I go into boxing and if comparing boxing in Gung Fu, a punch is a punch. No matter how you do it, it’s just going to be a different way of explaining with or a different way of executing it. But the end result is the same – you’re trying to hit something. The comparisons that I always was a little more interested in was the stick fighting style that my dad taught me was from our family. It’s an Irish stick fighting style. And when I branched out and explored the other martial arts, be into Gung Fu and then I dabbled in some Filipino stick fighting, I just thought it was really interesting the geographically, the two countries – Ireland and Philippines – are so far apart. But when you put a stick in a hand, there’s going to be some principles that are going to be very similar and some are going to be completely different. So, I was always amazed at the way the footwork might be explained differently but the end result’s the same. And sometimes, the footwork looks almost the same. So, it reiterates and it just emphasizes to me that if you’ve got 2 legs and 2 arms or you’re basically a human being, you’re only going to move a certain way so many times or a certain way so many different times and things are going to crossover. So, as a martial artist, when I branched out into other arts that weren’t culturally the same as mine, there was a nice kind of camaraderie built up in my mind right away. Because it was like, wow, this isn’t so different. I’m not in such a foreign land after all. This is great. And there’s a sense of comfort that you get right away when you crossover certain martial arts. When you find the similarities, it’s like you’re home but you’re not. You’re on the road but your home is… It’s like when you go travelling, you take a big suit case and you want to have a lot of your stuff around you even though you’re in a bizarre place or a different place because you have that bit of that comfort, because you’ve got some items from your home that make you feel a little more comfortable. And I think, when you crossover two different martial arts together, that familiarity is what makes you feel comfortable and allows you to really open your learning curve and really kind of accept the techniques more readily, more instinctively rather than just kind of forcing a square peg into a round hole. If that makes any sense.

Jeremy Lesniak:

It certainly does. I’ve spent a bit of time doing some Filipino stick work and I would imagine that 90% of the folks listening who have engaged in stick work have done it through some kind of Filipino Eskrima or Arnis, you know, Southeast Asian tradition.

Glen Doyle:

Uh-hum.

Jeremy Lesniak:

You said that you had done some sort. Are you able to relate to us the… I expect a lot of similarities but where are the differences?

Glen Doyle:

Well, I mean, the Filipino style that I dabbled in – when I say dabbled, please understand, I’m not professing that I studied it a long time or I’m really super-efficient

Jeremy Lesniak:

Sure, sure.

Glen Doyle:

But I dabbled in it and the fact that I did often on for a number of years because one of the instructors at the Kung Fu club that I was training was from Cebu City in the Philippines.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Uh-hum.

Glen Doyle:

And anytime he was teaching a class, if I had the time to do it, I would jump in and play around with it. It was called Arnis. It was… That’s crazy. Just falling out of my head now.

Jeremy Lesniak:

That’s okay.

Glen Doyle:

Lapunti Arnis De Abanico, there you go. Sorry. And Abanico, I believe, is fan style if I’m not mistaken. And it’s a single-hand stick fighting style. Which is the biggest difference between what I was taught with from dad which was two-handed. And the stick is a lot longer in the Irish system, a little heavier because the blackthorn is a heavier wood. Where the Filipino system is using the rattan. A lot of whirling strikes in the Filipino systems are very fast, explosive. And I found that I like the way that the multiple quick hits, the rapid hits in the Filipino system is something I really love. They were so different from the Irish stuff. So, I was like a kid in the candy store when I first played around with it, so.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Nice. It almost… You know, I have some Irish roots. In fact, my father lives to the south side of Cork. I’ve used some blackthorn sticks. They’re durable, they’re heavy. So, is the stick fighting tradition that you come from, that you’re passing on, is there some synergy there with bladed weapons?

Glen Doyle:

No.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Okay.

Glen Doyle:

The only connection to bladed weapons is… Basically, the Irish stick fighting came to be simply because of penal laws and whatnot. Irish citizens especially the peasants weren’t allowed access to weapons. A lot of Irish men fought in foreign armies in the 1700s or 1800s. And they learned fencing, they learned sword playing with foreign armies. So, when they came back, that’s all they had to drop on. But because they didn’t have access to bladed weapons, they used stick. And they had to adapt the slashing and stabbing motions for more thumping and striking. So, the only kind of influence in any kind of bladed weapon would be the way the system was approached. Because all, at one point, all Irish stick fighting systems for one-handed based on sword fight but with a stick in your hand. And then somewhere in my family line, my great great great great great uncle, I think it go back five or six generations, he was a pugilist and he decided to put two hands on stick. And the stick was then parallel to the ground, horizontal. And it changed the way we approach the stick fighting. So, any kind of access or comparison to bladed weapons kind of really disappeared when that happened. And now, the pugilist of the boxing influence kind of took over. It became a much more close quarter kind of thing. We had to get in close. Which when you have a stick, you want to keep the opponent on the end of your stick. So, you want to have them on that last six or eight inches for maximum velocity. And then here’s something my dad taught me where it’s like close in, close in. But I have this long stick why do I have to close in? But that would probably be the only… If I could really say any kind of bladed. But there’s no other weapons in the system I learned from my dad. It’s just the blackthorn. That’s it. No knives, no nothing else. So. Yeah.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Okay. Interesting. I’m going to have to find some video. Do you have a video? Is there a video of this thing?

Glen Doyle:

Yeah. I have a bunch of stuff up on YouTube.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Okay, cool.

Glen Doyle:

Just the live stuff; me teaching some seminars. It’s not instructional.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Okay.

Glen Doyle:

It’s just in a collage fed to some music. I had a website for a while when… I had to get permission from my dad to teach it outside the family. And that was the whole story itself. And I had website up. It just had pictures on it. And I got a lot of emails and a lot of communicational people. You can’t tell much from a picture. You can only tell so much. And a lot of the feedback, I’m not going to go into it, was oh my god, this to this and I would do this and it was all this kind of stuff. And I just kind of let it roll off my back for a couple of years. And then I said, you know what? Maybe I’ll just put something I knew just so people can see the motion and the movement. And maybe that will help them understand the pictures they’re seeing. So, I put up a couple of videos. And it was the exact opposite type of feedback. I’ve got people like oh, that’s how it works. And it was definitely the right thing to do. Because you kind of got to see the style to understand it. And then now, I find that people are really… It really launches more questions but they’re more listening with excitement rather than derision.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Uh-hum.

Glen Doyle:

And it was all because I put a few videos up. So, I did that just so people can get a sense of how it looked and how it moved. And I find a lot of Filipino stick fighters actually are the most interested. They love watching it and they make their observations and similarities pop up and the differences. It’s usually a really nice interaction when I talk Filipino stick fighters. They usually have really interesting questions about certain techniques and the style, and how this came to be and how that can be. And then, of course, they’ll bring up wow, it’s very similar to what we do. And then it’s kind of like 2 kids talking over a couple of toys that they have that are very similar, right? So.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Yeah.

Glen Doyle:

Yeah.

Jeremy Lesniak:

And those are some of my favorite conversations with martial artists. And I think those conversations are more enlightening, more productive, more enjoyable when you start from a place of similarity.

Glen Doyle:

Of course. Yes.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Rather than a place of difference. And I mean, I can… I’m trying to think of something that I haven’t done martial arts-wise. Kung Fu might be the furthest from what I’ve done as a complete style. But I can sit down and I can talk with a Kung Fu practitioner and we can start from what do we have in common? We can have a lot of fun. We can maybe even share, spar, and have a good time. Or we can start from differences which tend to be philosophical and that doesn’t help anybody.

Glen Doyle:

No. Usually… Well, it sets the tone, right? Because I think when you come from a place of similarity, then the camaraderie is built right in. If you come from a sense of difference, there’s always this little underlying tone of are you saying your style is better?

Jeremy Lesniak:

Right.

Glen Doyle:

Because it’s so different? I mean, I’ve studied this. I know my style really well. Why are you saying yours is better? And it’s like, you’re not saying that but if you’re coming at them from the differences, people tend to lean towards that. It seems to be kind of human nature. Well, what’s wrong with my style? What do you mean your style’s different? What do are you saying? When you come at the other person from the point of wow, and we do this. It’s very similar to what you do. All of a sudden, they listen with their ears wide open rather than looking for reasons to be offended, right? That’s been kind of my take on it. And when I teach seminars, I always have my opening speech and I always say, I don’t denigrate or take away from any other style. And I always say that I’m saying that we do it this way. I’m not saying it’s better or worse than what you do. I’m just saying you’re different. And that seems to really actually set the tone for the seminar and I knock on wood. I haven’t had any issues at this point, so.

Jeremy Lesniak:

That’s great.

Glen Doyle:

Yeah.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Good. We’ll make sure to link the YouTube channel over on the show notes for this. And for folks that might be new, if you came in, if this is your first episode, we put the show notes at whistlekickmartialartsradio.com. Now you, a few minutes ago, mentioned a conversation that you had to have with your father to get permission to teach this stick fighting style outside of the family. Would you be willing to share that?

Glen Doyle:

Sure, yeah.

Jeremy Lesniak:

What that was about?

Glen Doyle:

Yeah. Well, I mean, this system was only passed on through family. So, you had to have the surname Doyle to learn it. And they were very strict about that. In Irish traditions, oral tradition is very, very predominant in Irish culture. A lot of times it’s because the occupying forces wanted to kind of diffuse the culture, they wanted to stop the language. Anything to do with individuality or priding your country or where you’re from, they want to kind of take that away. You know what I mean? And so to preserve certain cultural aspects of the country, a lot of things were taught in secret or behind closed doors or secret meetings and whatnot. And that include language and music and whatnot. So, the stick fighting was no different and it was passed on father to son, through family. And if you didn’t have the last name Doyle, you didn’t learn it. And because the stick fighting stuff could differentiate between families. It could differentiate between counties or towns. So, you could have a town that have one stick fighting style. You could have a county that didn’t have the factions from like Tipperary and from Wicklow and Wexford and whatnot. You had the Yellow Bellies, you had the 18:01 There’s a bunch of names that you could… So, they would have a similar style. But anyway, so, ours was based on family name and it was passed on. My dad was very strict about it. When he taught it to me, we spend most of our weekends. He had a full-time job as an iron worker. So, he didn’t have a lot of time during the week. But on the weekends, we’d be doing the boxing and the sticks. And he would always reiterate, this is ours and keep to yourself kind of thing. And eventually, after being in the Kung Fu club for a number of time, my Chinese Kung Fu instructor, Sifu Lore, he was so open because he wanted to share his culture with everyone. And he was amazing that way. And it really rubbed off on me. So, I started saying to my dad, this is such a cool little system and I’m your only son and you’re teaching it to me. But if I walk down the street tomorrow and get hit by a car and get killed, it’s done. It’s gone. And that really bothered me. So, I started asking my dad in the early ’90s. Can I start showing some guys down at the club just some stuff? And he was adamant; no. And my dad… To give you a sense of my dad, to see and get his kind of mindset, the way he was, just a little capsule thing of his personality, he forged my granddad’s signature to join the Canadian military when he was 16. I lied about his age. And he spent his 17th and 18th birthdays on the frontlines in Korea.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Wow.

Glen Doyle:

And he summed up his personality with this – I’m going to keep it clean for the listeners…

Jeremy Lesniak:

For sure.

Glen Doyle:

And if it’s offensive to some people, I do apologize. But it was what he said to me. Because he was really a hard man and I always used to say to him, you’re really hard to people. You speak your mind so you come off rough. And he said, you have to understand me because I killed my first man before I ever slept with my first woman. And that kind of summed up my dad for me. And I mean, there’s no part of my… And you can edit that out, too, if it’s not appropriate. I have no…

Jeremy Lesniak:

No, absolutely not. I think that’s pretty important.

Glen Doyle:

It really set his tone for me. Because I can’t even wrap my head around that. No matter much I tried. That sense of what he must have went through at 16, 17, and 18 years of age. I always gave him a wide berth after that. I always try to step back and understand because he was very straight-edge. He was very straightforward and he said what he said. If you didn’t like it, he really didn’t care. So, going back to saying dad, I really want to kind of share it with some other guys at the club, just a few guys at the club, my closest friends. No. He was adamant. And then in late 1997 or early 1998, he got diagnosed with metastatic colon cancer. And he was only given a couple of months. And we spent all the time together. I was very, very fortunate that I got to do everything I needed to do for closure. And the fact that I got to have my last talk with him, I got to hold his hand, I was there when he took his last breath. I mean, the relationship that I had with my dad, if I wasn’t there, it probably would have driven me insane that I didn’t get the goodbye. So, I was very fortunate that I was allowed to share those times. And we talked about a lot of things. And the one thing I brought up again was I really wanted to teach this outside the family. I don’t have any children of my own. So, again, the style is endangered of just becoming extinct if I pass on and don’t teach anyone. And it took a lot of talking but finally, near our last talk, before he went onto morphine and couldn’t talk anymore because he’s in so much pain, he finally gave me permission. And if he had not, you and I would be having a completely different conversation right now and we’d just be talking about Kung Fu. So, yeah. I was very grateful that he eventually relented. Now, do I think he was happy about it? I couldn’t really say. But all I know is he did give permission. And whether it was his last act of love or not, I don’t know. But at the end of the day, he gave me his permission to teach it outside the family. And after, we had his service and I had his ashes and I spread his ashes over our land. We’re from Newfoundland originally. And I started to slowly get the style out there. I mean, I had an interview with Inside Kung Fu and I think it was 1995. And I got into the moment. The new journalist was really, really good. He really played me really well, for lack of a better term. And I blurted out the Irish stick fighting. And then I immediately stopped talking about it. But he didn’t mention it in the article. And the bullyrag that I got from my dad about that, let me tell you, that went on for a couple of years. So, I learned my lesson. But yeah. He basically gave me permission just before he passed away. So, there’s a sentimentality there when I teach as well. It’s like he’s in the room with me, which I love. And it helps me cope. I mean, he’s been gone since ’98. But it just doesn’t seem like… It seems like yesterday to me. I still think about him all the time. And the sticks is a way for me to kind of revisit our time together and stuff. So, there’s a real emotional sentimentality to me teaching it.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Now, when… Those of us that came up in… I guess I think of it as Asian traditions. When I think of the 24:25 Kung Fu style or Karate style, quite often, there’s a family dynamic.

Glen Doyle:

Uh-hum.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Some kind of splinter there. But I haven’t had the opportunity to speak with someone who came from that close-guarded family tradition of a martial arts. So, forgive me as I’m asking you some of these questions that I’ve always wondered knowing that you don’t speak for everyone. But you’re the best I have.

Glen Doyle:

Okay. No problem.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Why? Why was your father so resistant to people learning this family style?

Glen Doyle:

I think it was just the cultural way. It was just cultural and the way he was raised. Again, with it being guarded and not wanting to basically… Like self-preservation, really. I mean, you always want that. If everybody knows your style, then the percentages of being able to counter you go up.

Jeremy Lesniak:

True.

Glen Doyle:

And every system that you ever come across is one-handed. And now suddenly, you come up against this guy and all of a sudden, he starts one-handed and drops his stick into his other hand. And he comes at you from a pugilistic horizontal base stick pattern. It’s going to throw you. And I think, that element of surprise ups the success factor. So, I think it was a combination of it was tradition – it was the way he was taught. And my granddad was probably exactly my dad, a no nonsense Irish man. Do what I say and don’t question me. And I think that coupled with the fact that technically, you’d like to have a surprise or two in your back pocket. I think the combination of those two things in the formula is probably why he was still adamant. Because when I would explain to my dad how if Sifu Lore said, oh I only teach Chinese, I wouldn’t have been learning this amazing stuff that he was teaching me. I could see my dad understanding what I was saying. But the stubbornness of no, we don’t share it because of whatever reason. I could see there was a wall up for the longest time. And I’d be lying to you if I said I understood it. But it’s just I think it was, for lack of a better term, the programming. It was just the way he was raised. And he kept it without being… What’s the word? Not pure but he just didn’t want… He wanted it untainted. And when you get a style and you put it out into the public domain, it gets changed right away. People are going to adapt it to what they think the movement should be or the way they would do it or strategically how they think it works for them. And all of a sudden, the style ceases to become that movement or that way of executing a technique that’s been passed on for generation to generation. And it means he was big on not changing the techniques. Because, like my dad said, the system was… And I think he was talking about all fighting systems. But when he’s pertaining to our sticks, as he said, he was born on a battlefield. And through evolution and through faction fights, techniques that didn’t work, you got your head bashed in. You knew if they didn’t work, they didn’t get passed on. And he said, nowadays, everybody likes to change everything. But most of the people changing the styles aren’t haven’t fought to save their lives. It’s theory or they got padded equipment on. So, they’re not getting punished for their mistakes or it’s a game of tag. And again, I’m not coming down on anybody who spars or anything like that. It’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying what he said to me. And he said, why would you change something that has been proven? But because here in modern day society, now it’s like well, this is faster or flashier and whatnot. But it’s just a theory. I think, for of the thing he was worried at, if I put it out there into the general populace, it was going to get changed a lot. But it would still have our name on it. And he said, if someone changes it and the technique doesn’t work, it still got our name on it. And they go out and try to use the technique and they get their head bashed in, well our name takes the hit. So, that was kind of his kind of approach. And I think that’s one of the reasons he was really adamant aside from the fact that it was tradition that it was just taught to Doyles. And I think he wanted something to pass onto his son that was just for me, I guess. There could have been a father-son dynamic there that I wasn’t picking up on. Because I was all about this. I loved it so much, I just wanted to share it with everyone. A little bit of family pride, and pride is a double edged-sword.

Jeremy Lesniak:

It certainly is.

Glen Doyle:

And so I think that maybe he was trying to dissuade me from that. And I’ve been teaching it outside the family now since just after he passed away. So, it’s been about 20 years and all the stuff he said has happened. It’s been changed, it’s been this, it’s been that. So, he wasn’t wrong. I’ve had to lock away and discontinue associations with a lot of people because of what happened. That dad said would, sadly. So, I have to kind of give my hat to him because he wasn’t wrong. But on the other side of the coin is, I’ve met some amazing people that passed it on and they’re amazing. So, on the other side of the coin, I was right.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Right. Can you talk a little bit more about the stuff he was right about? I’m not asking you to name names or identify anything so clearly that people could infer names.

Glen Doyle:

Yeah. No, no. I wouldn’t do that anyway. But it just… basically, what would happen is a lot of people would come under the guise of oh, I want to learn it the way you learned it. I wanted to stay traditional and I want to learn and then pass it on and whatnot. And really, all what they wanted to do was they wanted to up the 31:16 of their school by saying they offer Irish stick fighting. So, it was more of a business thing. And what they would do is, they would just take certain elements that they like from the system. And they would incorporate it to what they already taught. So, if I did a numbered system… So, let’s say I taught a sequence or there’s a technique that, let’s say, has five movements in a sequence – I’ll try to be really kind of basic here – and we go move it 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. And they take the movement. Well, movement 1 and 2 would be from the Doyle system and then movement 3, 4 and 5 would be from where that they learn. So, it would become a hybrid and it would get infused. And then what happens is it started to… Then the people, they taught would then change it a little bit when they start it. So, two or three lessons down the road, it didn’t even look anything like what I have taught them. Yet it still had our family name on it.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Right.

Glen Doyle:

And you’ll see it. If you search Doyle stick fighting, you’ll find a number of videos on YouTube aside from mine and you’ll see. If you have martial arts eyes, you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about. And I don’t deny anybody that I trained. If someone wrote to me and said, blah, blah, blah, says this and I will not lie. I’ll say yup, he learned under me. But I will also say, but he has changed it a little bit. So, the stuff he’s teaching is influenced or has a flavor of what I taught. But it’s more of what they’ve done to hybridize it. So, I’m very honest but I don’t deny anybody I’ve ever worked with. Even if I no longer teach them, I will still say yup, they learned under me. They came to a seminar. I’m not going to cut off my connection to them that way because I don’t think that’s fair. They did put in the time. I just want to try to keep the style out there the way it was taught to me. So, if somebody comes to me or goes to somebody and wants to learn what was taught back in Ireland, hopefully, they can find somebody who does that. Not somebody’s version of a version of version 33:37

Jeremy Lesniak:

Makes complete sense.

Glen Doyle:

Because some people want that. They want that authentic style. Some people really do. And others are fine with learning the hybrid stuff. They’re fine with it and that’s all fair to them. I have no problem with that. But when your name’s attached to it, when your family… And again, because of the sentimentality and emotional connection to my dad, I won’t lie. There’s a little chip on my shoulder about it. Some days it bothers more than others. But I’ve learned to live with it now. And now, when I teach, I’m very particular hen I teach one-on-one in person. I just started doing an online course on video. I’m going to test that out and see how that plays out. But I don’t want to… Because of a couple of bad experiences, I don’t want to just say I’m not teaching anyone. Because that defeats the purpose as well. I don’t think that’s fair to people who want to learn it. So, I’m trying to find that. It’s like you’re trying to walk that tightrope, right? And you’re going to have to make some concessions which I learned that I had to. And at the same time, every once in a while you’re going to find that one or two or three or four people that are just going to take it the way it was given to you and they’re going to treat it that way. And they’re going to make sure it stays authentic and how it was passed in. And those are the victories that I take. And then all the other ones, I’ve got to spend some time with different people and different personalities and I choose to take the positive away rather than the negative. Because if I keep the negative, man, I’ll just be the grumpiest person in the world. And I don’t want that. So.

Jeremy Lesniak:

I get it. I get it. Now, I can completely see what you’re talking about. It makes a lot of sense.

Glen Doyle:

Yeah. I mean…

Jeremy Lesniak:

The idea that it’s not just a martial art. It’s your lineage. It’s your tie to your father and so many things. And I don’t think anyone else is going to fully embrace that even if they intellectually understand it.

Glen Doyle:

Yeah. It’s a… It’s tough to put into words. And when it first started to get changed and whatnot, I was livid. And I have the Irish temper like everybody else in the family. My initial reactions were very cutting off the nose to spite my face kind of thing. And then I learned that that’s not going to do anything and I have to kind of adapt and take more of a philosophical approach to it. Just see where they were coming from and walk a mile on their shoes just to kind of wrap my head around it. And then it kind of eased the blow a little bit. If that makes any sense.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Sure does.

Glen Doyle:

Yeah.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Now, I’m sure that you almost have walls up to make sure that the Kung Fu is not influencing the stick fighting. But I’m guessing that you don’t have the same rule go in the other way. So, how does the stick fighting influence your Kung Fu?

Glen Doyle:

Again, going back to the beginning when we started talking, the thing about the stick and the Kung Fu, it was all about the similarities. But also, the way I teach the sticks, my dad was very… He taught what he felt like that day. He had a system. He had an agenda of how to teach it but it wasn’t so evident. Like I think he would get me to go over some stuff that he taught me the week before and they based on what I did incorrectly or what I did correctly, that would shape what we work on that day. When I started to teach it, I found that the way I taught it was very much influenced by the way I learned Kung Fu. Meaning, you learn your stances. You learn your foundations, boom, boom, boom, boom. When my dad taught me, I got stances and whatnot. But he got me into the stick punches, then he got me into what the hand was doing. And I know I’m using a lot of terms that people are kind of not going to understand because they don’t 38:05 the style. But he got me chasing the stick and crashing the gates and all these things. But I think, if he had more of a system in place, I probably would have learned it quicker because it took a while. Because, I mean, I was only 7 years old when I started, right? But I find that the Kung Ku influenced me in the way I taught the stick. Because I, for a lack of a better word, I systematized it in the fact that I did stances fist, all footwork, footwork, footwork. Because dad was really big on footwork. But I think, even though he was big on footwork, he kept throwing other things at me just to kind of keep the ball rolling. In his mind, I was learning at a pace that he was happy with. Whereas when I teach, if you don’t get your stances and you footwork, you’re not learning anything else. You’re going to be holding the stick forever doing nothing with it because it’s all going to be from the waist down. And that’s very Kung Fu – stances, stances, stances. Strong horse, strong punch – that’s it. That’s the two things you need before you do anything else. And I got to that point when I taught. The similarities between the footwork was very interesting because we have a thing in our style… Because it comes from fencing footwork initially. And then with the boxing influence, the heels are a little different and we step down heel-toe and then we really calmly drag the back leg when we were dancing. And I found… It’s so amazing because in the Hung Gar style of Gung Fu that I learned, it’s almost exactly the same. When you step from a cat stance, you step down heel-toe and then you pop back into your horse stance. And if I had to explain, the stepping in the Irish stick fighting and the stepping in Kung Fu, if I use heel-toe-drag, it works the exact same for both styles. So, the influence, if you want to use that term, was all about the similarities. The Kung Fu wouldn’t give influence anything technically in sticks. Because I wanted to make sure that the way it was passed onto me, I pass on to other people. So, I very evident about that. But I did use the way of explaining Kung Fu, the way that Kung Fu was taught to me, I did let that influence the way I explain the sticks. So, I hope I’m makings sense the way I put that out for you there. I have a tendency to be quite verbose and quite 40:50 And then at the end of the five minutes, people go, I didn’t understand a damn thing you just said. So.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Well, as you were talking, I’m doing it.

Glen Doyle:

Okay.

Jeremy Lesniak:

I’m taking those steps. And yeah, I can certainly see the similarities there. My experience with two-handed weapons is limited to Japanese style sword and very little. But the footwork there from what I was taught sounds very similar to what you’re describing, so.

Glen Doyle:

Yeah.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Makes all kind of sense.

Glen Doyle:

Yeah. But I’ll do, Jeremy, when we get off, I will send you some video links of me actually teaching.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Oh, perfect.

Glen Doyle:

Just for you. I’ll just send it for you.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Sure. I would watch them

Glen Doyle:

In that way, you can see what we’re talking about. I don’t think it’s going to… I think you’re getting what I’m saying but I think if you see the way I teach it, you’ll go oh, okay. So, I’ll do that for you. I know right now, the listeners are like what about us? But you get special treatment, so.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Well, I appreciate that. I’ve been doing all the work here, so.

Glen Doyle:

There you go.

Jeremy Lesniak:

You and I are doing the work. Listeners, they just get to enjoy all of this. Cool. All right. Well, when you look at this – how do I want to call it – this hybridized martial arts mindset that has become you and these various influences that you have.

Glen Doyle:

Yup.

Jeremy Lesniak:

It’s pretty clear how important your father was. I mean, he started you and gave you this foundation and you’ve added to it and expanded it. But what would you want to add on? If there was someone that you could train with that you haven’t, who would that be?

Glen Doyle:

You mean living or dead? Or just living?

Jeremy Lesniak:

Living or dead. Anywhere in the world, anywhere in time.

Glen Doyle:

My dad was very much influenced by Jack Dempsey.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Okay.

Glen Doyle:

So, I would say probably Jack Dempsey for a couple of reasons. One, because of my dad’s movement was very much like Jack Dempsey. Because he was a big Jack Dempsey fan and also because of the boxing. But also, Jack Dempsey was quite an interesting person because… I don’t know if a lot of people know this but I believe he was in the coast guard, if I’m not mistaken. Now, I could be mistaken about that. And if I am, I apologize. But I know he was in service in some point and I think it was the coast guard. But he taught a lot of self-defense stuff. It wasn’t just boxing. It was knees and elbows and whatnot. So, he was a very, very well-rounded. And I think he would just be an amazing person to train with. Simply because he’s almost what I would say a similar thing to what I do is that he’s got the boxing but then on the other side of the coin, he had the other fighting techniques that were, if you want to call them, street or a little more lower body and upper body. Because with the knees and strikes and the elbows and whatnot. So, I think he would be an amazing person to train with. I would love to talk to him about his mindset. Because he had that ever forward kind of attack. And when my dad used to teach the sticks, he’s always going to say that phrase – ever forward, ever forward. So, just on that alone, I think that would be my choice. I would love to go train with him and just to pick his brain and just to see how he saw the martial world, and see how he would approach it. So, that would be my answer.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Nice. I’m sure from your time training and travelling, teaching – whether it’s your own students or seminars – you’ve got a lot of stories. What’s your favorite one? It can be sad, it can be happy, it can be funny. I love the stories that martial artists have and that’s really the root of this show. It was I just want an excuse to get people to tell me their stories. So, what’s yours?

Glen Doyle:

Wow. Can I get a tone for the story? Do you want a story of me learning from someone or do you want me teaching someone?

Jeremy Lesniak:

The one that… So, here’s the set up. You and I are at a barbecue and we find out that we’re both martial artists.

Glen Doyle:

Uh-hum.

Jeremy Lesniak:

We’re sharing a beer, whiskey or whatever.

Glen Doyle:

Okay.

Jeremy Lesniak:

And I tell you about the ridiculous time that Bill Wallace kicked me in the ear and said some horribly inappropriate things.

Glen Doyle:

Bill Wallace kicked you in the ear, too?

Jeremy Lesniak:

Oh, yeah. And I cannot repeat what he said on the air because it’s that terrible. I’ll tell you after. So, there’s that story. And you’re trying to meet me or one up me with one of your ridiculous or fun or impressive stories from your time. So, what would that story be?

Glen Doyle:

Well, first of all, just let me say that I, too, have been kicked in the ear by Mr. Wallace. So.

Jeremy Lesniak:

It’s a great club to be in, isn’t it?

Glen Doyle:

Yeah. He… I was in Quebec at the Capital Conquest. I was teaching there and it was the first time I met him. He’s an amazing man, don’t get me wrong. But yeah. He just targeted me for the whole weekend. I don’t know what I did but he would not leave me alone. And the sick part of me kind liked the attention but man, it was an interesting thing. So, we have that to share, you and I. Just wanted to say that.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Well, that’s… I train with Mr. Wallace now.

Glen Doyle:

Okay. I don’t know if he remembers me. But if you say my name…

Jeremy Lesniak:

He probably does.

Glen Doyle:

… in Quebec Capital Conquest.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Yeah.

Glen Doyle:

You can see if here remembers me. He might not but.

Jeremy Lesniak:

I bet he does because I’ve seen his memory in action. And it is impressive. This is for you as well as everyone else listening, when he pulls someone up, he’s gotten very good over his years at identifying who’s going to be a great training partner or a great Uke. Someone who will play along, who has the right sense of humor but also has enough skill for him to work with in his demonstrations. So, it is an amazing compliment across multiple factors when he pulls you up.

Glen Doyle:

Yeah. Oh, well that’s… I’ll take that.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Yeah. As you should.

Glen Doyle:

Man. I mean, there’s two stories that I’d love to tell only because I think they really shape me as the instructor that I am. So, maybe that is something you’re interested in. And it’s interesting because, like I said, I have my two main instructors. I have my dad and I have Sifu Lore. And I have kind of one story from each. So, would you like me to just pick one?

Jeremy Lesniak:

You can tell both.

Glen Doyle:

Okay. The first is my dad. And this was when I was young, and I never forgot this. Because I thought at that moment he was the meanest man in the world. And then looking back on it now, it’s an amazing thing. But I was in elementary school. I believe I was in grade 4, maybe grade 5, and for some reason… A little bit about me for people, because people don’t know me, my mom is like 4’11”. My dad was 5’3″. So, I’m 5’4″. I’m a giant in my family. But anyway, I was little. I was a really little kid. So, grade 4 or grade 5. And for some reason, this kid in grade 8 just didn’t like me and was giving me some grief after school. But I was fast, like I could run really, really fast. So, school ended. The bell ran and off I went. I live about 6 blocks from the school. So, I was full out sprint. Jesse Owens would be looking at me going, not bad. Like I was gone. And I got home and he couldn’t catch me. He was close but he didn’t catch me. I got in and my dad was home. He shouldn’t have been but he was home because he got rained out. Because, like I said, he was an iron worker. If the weather’s too rough, they don’t connect the beams up high. So, he was home early. I came in huffing and puffing. He asked me what happened. And I said, oh this boy at school wanted to beat me up but don’t worry, I got away. And without a word, he got up and grabbed me by the back of the head, took me outside where the bully was still there, made me stand up to this guy. And of course, I got my butt handed to me. But when my dad figured that I had enough, he stopped it and took me in. And I felt so betrayed and so angry that my dad would do that to me. And he just looked at me and said, you run today, you’re going to run tomorrow, you’re going to run for the rest of your life. No running. And in retrospect now, I think that was something that I took very, very literally. And it shaped me to who I am. Well, I hated it at that time. I think I’m probably the most grateful for that lesson and all the lessons he’s ever taught. So, that’s the story about my dad and not funnier or humorous but life-changing. And for Sifu Lore, do you remember in China when they had the Tiananmen Square stuff going on?

Jeremy Lesniak:

Oh, absolutely.

Glen Doyle:

Well, they had a big vigil in Toronto which is where I train, where the club is. And Toronto is interesting because it has a number of Chinatowns. So, not just one Chinatown. Toronto has a bunch of them. They kind of pop up. And the main ones aren’t Spadina and Dundas. And the old China town – and again, if people don’t know Toronto, this is not really going to be a good reference but it’s close to where city hall is. And it’s called Old Chinatown. And in the ’80s, it was slowly shrinking. And the big Chinatown about 10 blocks away in a place called Spadina and Dundas was going to be the main big Chinatown. But anyway, they were having a big vigil at the city hall for the Tienanmen Square. And the Chinese community, because our club was so involved in the Chinese community, they hired us to do kind of a crowd control. Because they were expecting a lot of people and they expected them to be passionate. So, we were there. I didn’t want to say security but that’s technically what we were, right? But we’re there just to make sure that nothing got out of hand. So, Sifu got us all together. We all went down. It was a lot of people there. It was a big, big gathering. Everybody had candles and whatnot. And so, at this point, I’m in my late teens or early 20s and we all were. We’re all like young studs, young bucks. So, we’re all faced around this one section and the speech has start. And there’s on guy in the crowd starts to get really passionate and wants to go up and speak. So, he tries to push his way up to the stage. And Sifu’s sitting there and he loved his Tim Horton’s coffee. It’s a rule in Canada, you have to love your Tim Horton’s coffee. But anyway, he was having his coffee. And this guy was really, really passionate. He’s like, I want to go up there and speak. He’s saying this in Chinese. I didn’t know what he was saying but I could tell by his body language that he was getting very, very aggressive. So here, all of us, these young bucks full of piss and vinegar, we do Kung Fu, we’re awesome, we’re going to just… We’re just going to be right out of the movie. We’re going to take care of this. People walked up to the guy and at this time, he would probably be late 70s, maybe early 80s. Sifu Lore walked up and he has his coffee in one hand. And he’s like, look, you can’t go up. And the guy just made this rushing motion. And to be honest, to this day, I blinked and Sifu threw this uppercut out of nowhere. Just enough to knock the guy down. And it diffuses the situation. It was an amazing thing because he just gave him this uppercut out of nowhere. The guy went down. And while the guy is falling, Sifu’s trying to explain to him look, you can’t go up there. He’s still trying to explain to him after he just knocked him. So, anyway, it diffused to take the guy away and whatnot. And we’re standing there feeling like the most useless people in the world. Our Sifu who’s not exactly a young person took care of this guy. All these young guys are standing around, didn’t know what happened. And we looked at… When we went out, one of us said, Sifu, we’re so sorry that we didn’t do it. And he goes, ah, you know, I’m not a master. I’m not a Kung Fu master. And we were looking at him like, what are you talking about? And he goes, I spilled my coffee! If I was a real Kung Fu master, I wouldn’t have spilled a drop. I’m not a master. He was shaking his head. And I found that to be the funniest thing because it really set the tone for Sifu. Because when I joined, and it was a traditional Kung Fu club, he told me call him Jimmy. His English name is Jimmy Lore. His Chinese name is Lore King Hong. And I did it for about a year and it just didn’t feel right so I started calling him Sifu. But his attitude towards titles really affected me. So, even though I have a Sifu title, I don’t really make people call me that. And I think I get it from that story. Just because he was so innocently casual about ah, I’m not a master. I spilled my coffee. I just… I close my eyes and I can still see it happening. And it really impacted me as a martial arts instructor because his honesty about it was humorous. But at the same time, it was such a raw honesty that I think it really affected me as an instructor where I didn’t get so hung up on the titles, and I didn’t get so hung up on being perfect. I got more about the execution. And if a technique is meant that you don’t get punched and you do it but it’s not the way that you learned it but you still don’t get punched, it’s a good technique. It worked. So, I kind of used that story to justify or explain how I kind of approach sometimes when I teach. Where if, in the heat of the moment, something changes, at least it still worked for you.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Right.

Glen Doyle:

So, yeah.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Those are two great stories.

Glen Doyle:

Oh, okay.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Yeah.

Glen Doyle:

I don’t know if that’s good enough.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Knocks it out of the park. That’s what I was looking for.

Glen Doyle:

Yeah, yeah. So, one was a life lesson for me and the other was a lesson on humility and casualness of the additive of the title, I guess. You could class it as56:13

Jeremy Lesniak:

Undoubtedly. Now, what’s keeping you motivated? What are you looking forward to as you look out over life? I’m assuming you’re not planning to stop training.

Glen Doyle:

No. I had to stop training for a number of years in 2012, 2013. It’s nothing to do with training. It’s an out of training injury. It’s more hereditary. But my shoulders, I have this thing called frozen shoulder. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of that.

Jeremy Lesniak:

I have.

Glen Doyle:

I got it in my left shoulder and then I got it in my right shoulder. But I have it really bad. But it is genetic. My dad had it in his elbow. He got frozen elbow when he was older. And what would happen was, it came out of nowhere. I went to every person you could think of and no one really knows what causes it. They have theories. But I woke up with it one day… I just woke up with it. Then I had it. I went to bed feeling fine, woke up the next day and my left shoulder, I could barely lift my arm. And it was really debilitating and I couldn’t teach. So, I had to… I thought, actually, my teaching was over. I thought my career was over because I couldn’t do much with it. And then they say it can last anywhere from a month to two years. And mine lasted the full two because my body is that way. But it started to loosen up. I mean I went to rehab and stuff and it did help a bit. But teaching was really tough. And then as the left one was getting better, it actually moved over to my right. I had to deal with that on my right. So, I only told recently… Like in the last year and a half have I really started teaching again. So, I didn’t do a lot of physical stuff because I couldn’t move. So, I gained a lot of weight and I’m still happy with where my weight is. So, what I’m looking forward to now is my shoulders are… They’re still an issue but I can teach again and whatnot. So, I’m looking forward to using the teaching and my training to try to get back to where I feel a little healthier. So, I’m using it as my motivation but also as my tool to reinvent myself at this age. I’m 53 now. So, I’m just trying to get to a point where I can still teach, do things. But also, just to improve my overall mobility and get my health back to where I want it to be. I mean, I’m not in poor health by any means. There are people on this planet way worse off than me and I feel blessed that I am where I am. But I’m going to use what I learned and what I teach and whatnot to try to use that as the catalyst to get me back to where I want to be physically. So, that’s probably where I am right now. And it’s been frustrating. It’s really a test of my patience and you really try to look at yourself in a different light. When you think something you’ve had for so long which just suddenly got taken away from you. Because I thought it was gone. I thought my martial art career was done. I really did and I had to embrace that. And it was a pretty dark time for a couple of years. I mean, I’m still coming out of it. I’m still a little… I still have some dark days. When I can’t move like I used to, it’s frustrating. But there’s motivation in frustration if you know where to look. And that’s kind of where I’m looking now. So, that’s what I’m looking forward to in the future. It’s just to get myself back. And also, I haven’t given up on wanting to pass my family’s stick fighting style on to the world. I still want to do that. And that, again, is why I started the online course. Because it allows me to teach on my good days when my shoulders are really working well and whatnot. Because doing live seminars is great but every once in a while, I get up to do a seminar in some bad days. It’s a bad shoulder day like I call it.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Yeah.

Glen Doyle:

And it’s like, ugh. Because when I go to teach a seminar, I’m all about the people taking the seminar. They’re giving up their time for me. They’re allowing me to step into their minds and move things around. The way they move physically, the way they move tactically – that is a huge honor. And I never want to misrepresent myself and I never want to take that time with them and not maximize it out so they’d benefit. So, if I book a seminar and then on that day, my shoulders aren’t working for me and they only get 50% of what I can do or they only get half of me demonstrating and showing how it’s supposed to work, I feel like I let them down. And I don’t want to do that. So, I think that’s probably why I came up with the online thing. Because I can tape it, I can make sure it’s edited in the best way to show the technique, the best way I did it. So, they get that sense. Because I do it like a seminar, obviously, but I’m talking to the camera. But they get to at least see everything I’m talking about. Where in a live seminar, I’m kind of having a bad day, sometimes I have to crossover stuff. And I just don’t think that’s fair. People are giving their time and their physical availability and, again, allowing me to step into their mind and influence the way they move. They’ve got to be getting the best part of me, right? So, that, I’m not there yet. So, that’s why I really tapered back my live seminars right now. Because I’m not into place physically with my shoulders just yet where I know I can show up and be ready to rock and roll for their benefit. Because, again, I’m all about the people taking the seminar. Because I want them to walk out of that seminar going, that was the best three hours, four hours I’ve ever spent. I’m not saying that from an egotistical thing where I want them to tell everybody that. I want them to feel that.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Okay, yeah. I get it. Without going too deep, I’ve experienced not that injury but certainly some injuries that have limited my ability to present information. And I know how frustrating that can be.

Glen Doyle:

Yeah.

Jeremy Lesniak:

When it’s keeping you from multiple goals, your own training, and the ability to pass on your knowledge. I understand that.

Glen Doyle:

Oh, yeah. You shake your fist to the heavens quite a few times.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Now, you mentioned this stuff that’s coming but you don’t have a website. So, what do people do if they want to keep tabs on you and sign up for this course when it’s ready or keep up on where your seminars are going to be?

Glen Doyle:

Well, I have a Facebook Group. There’s a Doyle Irish Stick Fighting Facebook Group and everybody kind of joins that. And anything I have coming up, I make an announcement there. I do have a website. My website is for me as a whole because I’m writer as well and I really embraced it a lot when my shoulders weren’t working so well. So, I write scripts and stuff and I do films and whatnot. So, my website is more of a catchall but there is a page on there that people can write me and contact me and keep tabs on what I’m doing martial arts-wise. I’m a terrible businessman, okay? And I’ve always have been… I’ve lost so much money teaching. I’m surprised my wife is still with me but she’s an angel. And she puts up with so much.

Jeremy Lesniak:

I apologize for laughing.

Glen Doyle:

No.

Jeremy Lesniak:

You’re not the only one.

Glen Doyle:

No, I know.

Jeremy Lesniak:

There’s something about martial artists that inherently, we just want to share.

Glen Doyle:

Yeah.

Jeremy Lesniak:

We just want to give it away. We don’t want to do it for money.

Glen Doyle:

Yeah. And I’ve given a lot away. But you know what? I come from that honestly because, again, going back to Sifu Lore, when I joined Jing Mo in 1980… It was ’81 crossover. It was in the winter of 1981. It was what we call a Dungeon Club. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard that term. But the only way you join is by knowing someone. It’s the old style Chinese club. There’s no advertising. If you know a member, you… Now, I came across it by accident. And I was, again, it was near city hall. I was with some friends down at city hall and I’ve been looking for at martial arts. As usual, I know it sounds really, really stereotypical but I saw a Bruce Lee movie. And I said, wow, I want to do what that guy does. I really want to see what it is. So, I did some research and I found that he did a thing called Kung Fu. So, I said, okay I’m going to try and find Kung Fu. So, I was actively looking for Kung Fu clubs in Toronto and all the ones that I visited, I just… You know when you just don’t feel it? I just wasn’t feeling it. I went to visit all of them and I just wasn’t’ feeling it. So, I was kind of oh, maybe the Kung Fu is not what I’ll do. Maybe I’ll try Taekwondo or an Aikido. There’s a bunch of clubs. Toronto had so many to choose from. So, anyway, I was down at city hall with some friends. I was there to try to impress a girl which I failed miserably. And I was going home and I was cutting through this parking lot to get a street cardio home. And from the 2nd floor fire escape, this fire door was open and I heard all of this clanging and banging and this ruckus. And it sounded like a martial art class because people are making noise and whatnot. So, I was like there shouldn’t be a club here. There’s no markings on the building, there’s nothing. But it was at the 2nd floor that there was a fire escape. And it’s not the kind that you have to pull out. It was just stairs, just metal stairs. So, I just walked up and took a peek in. And I saw all these guys using these weapons. Some guys were 1:07:06 a heavy bag, some guys were doing hand forms and stuff and I kind of peeked in. And Sifu Lore was sitting, watching everybody and he spotted me. And he’s like, hey, what are you doing? I was just startled. I said, sorry I heard what I thought was a martial art class and I was just peeking in. And he told me to come in. And he made me sit down and he made every one of his students do a form for me and show what he taught. I mean, you understand I was in my teens. My hair was long, I look like a punk, really. For lack of a better term. And I couldn’t believe that he made all the students do a form for me and I was sold. And then I said I want to join. So, I showed up the next day and I was like… The average price back then when I looked at all the other clubs, again, this was in the ’80s, it was about $65 to $70 a month to be a member. And he charged me $10. And I couldn’t believe it. I’m like, okay. So, I gave him $10 a month. I trained, I went… It was open every day, seven days a week, from 5 AM to 10 PM everyday. Except on weekends, it was noon to 5 PM. But 5 AM to 10 PM on weekdays. I went everyday, didn’t miss a day for six months. It was insane – the amount of training. And then I have finished my first hand form and we were doing a demo, a show for… I forgot what it was for, some event somewhere in Chinatown. And Sifu asked me to do my form that I just learned. And I was said sure, I’ll do it. So, that was six months in. So, the next day after doing the show, I came in and I came to pay him. And he goes, no, you’re doing so much for me now. You don’t pay no more. So, my entire martial art education, my entire martial art Kung Fu education, cost me $60. So, I’ve come by the giving it away for free, honestly, because I trained with that man till 2008. So, $60 is what I payed for my entire Kung Fu education. It’s ridiculous.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Sounds like you got a good deal.

Glen Doyle:

Yeah. If you calculated the hours of training, I don’t even think… It’s like $0.001. Per hour, I don’t even know what it would be. But yeah. So, I come across it honestly in that regard. Sorry that I went off some tangent there. But I thought I would share that with you because it was the way I was… It was my experience with Kung Fu. He was such a generous man. And as soon as I started doing shows, he was like, okay. You’re sweating for me now. You don’t have to pay no more. So, I’m sure that he would giggle at me telling that story. But yeah. It was always tough for me. When I first started teaching, even when I taught women self-defense and whatnot. It was so hard for me to take their money. It almost felt criminal because I was so used to just teaching.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Yeah.

Glen Doyle:

But you got overhead. You’ve got to pay the bills. The thing with Sifu, because he was so big in the Chinese community, he didn’t pay for the space. They just gave it to him. The Chinese communities then. So, he had no overhead. So, it was a little different for him. But you don’t kind of factor that in when you’re kind of learning. You’re just wow, I got all these for $60. And now, I’m charging people all this money to teach what I learned for $60. There’s a little bit of guilt there. But I got over it eventually.

Jeremy Lesniak:

I don’t know if I agree with that.

Glen Doyle:

Well, maybe I didn’t. But as far as my…

Jeremy Lesniak:

Maybe mostly, halfway.

Glen Doyle:

As far as my wife’s concerned, I’ve got no work, okay? Between you and me.

Jeremy Lesniak:

Okay. All right. I won’t tell. I promise. This has been a lot of fun. I’ve really enjoyed getting to talk to you today and totally worth the wait to reschedule. So, again, thank you for your flexibility.

Glen Doyle:

Thank you so much.

Jeremy Lesniak:

And I want to ask just one more kindness if I would.

Glen Doyle:

Sure.

Jeremy Lesniak:

What parting words would you offer up to the folks listening today?

Glen Doyle:

Well, I would say… I’m almost paraphrasing my dad to a degree but not so much. If you’re taking a martial art, it comes from somewhere. I understand that the current state of mind is new is better, everything needs to be updated. But through evolution and actual life and death experiences, those techniques you’re learning have been passed on for a reason. And they belong there because they earned the right to be there. So, maybe just respect the past so much. Don’t be into it in an all-fire hurry to change things. Maybe just see how you can adapt them. And the other thing is, don’t be just a fighter; be a warrior. And that’s the one thing that my dad and Sifu Lore, they said it in different ways but they said the same thing. A fighter is someone who fights to keep themselves safe or to overcome their opponent. But a warrior not only trains for self-preservation but also fights for those who can’t fight for themselves. And when you’re a martial artist, you’re taking on a responsibility from the ages before you, from the generations before you. So, try to be a warrior and always remember that there’s people out there that can’t fight for themselves. If you have the opportunity to do it in a safe legal way, always try to fight for those who can’t fight for themselves. Because it comes with the territory of being a martial artist. Maybe it sounds a little cliché but I think that advice has really kind of rested in my heart. And so, I’d probably say that as my words of wisdom, I guess.

Jeremy Lesniak:

I bet you could tell I had a ton of fun talking to Sifu Doyle. I mean, what a great guy. What great stories. And how powerful it is that he gets to pass on something he loves that is both martial arts and his family? I’ll admit. I’m a bit jealous. Thank you sir for coming on the show today. You can find show notes with a bunch of photos and notes and links and other cool stuff at whistlekickmartialartsradio.com. If you hit whistlekick.com, you can sign up for the newsletter, you could make a purchase. And don’t forget the code PODCAST15 to save 15%. Uniforms, gears, shirts, sweatshirts, sweatpants, water bottles, training journal – there’s a bunch of stuff. I just added a bunch of stuff last night. And if you want to just kind of follow all the other stuff that we’re doing, social media – YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. We are @whistlekick. My direct email address, jeremy@whistlekick.com. We keep it simple. And I thank you for your time today. Thanks for coming by, for giving me an opportunity to host this show. Until next time. Train hard, smile, and have a great day.

    Episode 360 – Sifu Glen Doyle Sifu Glen Doyle is a martial arts practitioner and instructor. He is a former Kung Fu champion and practices Irish Martial Arts.

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 4 - "Now the fun part begins" ~Colin

All I gotta say....finesse

Look at us go✨ I say us because if I say me that sounds conceited even tho it was literally a hero challenge 😂. [HI THIS WAS BURIED IN MY TABS IT'S FROM ROUND 3 I WAS PROBS GONNA WRITE MORE BUT OH WELL]

We tribe swapped and I was really stressed at first because now im on the tribe that loses all of the challenges. But its fine bcs im friends with everyone now and im in an alliance with Ginny and Amy. I also love Danny he is literally under the influence rn im exposing him. But hopefully when hws sober he remembers how cool i am and we will work together. And Jennifer is on my tribe and we're friendly with each other. But honestly it would be in my best game interests to have her the one voted out. If it comes to that. Bcs Im literally working with everyone and shes pretty inactive.

Welp. Here we are. Swapped. It's a lil fucked up but I saw it coming. So I got stuck with Brayden which is like whatever to me, I'm glad him and I talked enough on original phantoms. But the issue is that it's just him and myself. Along with that its the two S.E.E.S. and one Fool. So I immediately swooped in on Jared, I tried to be relatable with him by talking about Danny and Shaad, who I know, and I think gthat brought him comfort. I spilled to Jared that Danny and Shaad know each other to show him that I have info and I'm willing to be open about stuff and talk with him straight up. We got to talking, and we declared that we want to work together WHICH IS GREAT!! Idk how much I can trust him, but if I show him loyalty and openness I think I'd get it back from him which is clutch. I need him to be the third with Brayden and myself, but I'm sure Jay and Elle are thinking the exact same thing. That's why I swooped in so fast, and I'm sure he'll tell them what they want to hear and theres a chance hes doing that to me as well (and I don't blame him, make your own decisions Jared king), but I need to show him that sticking with me is the better option. Idk idk I'm just trying to avoid playing my idol rn. I'll keep working on Jared, and I'll see what Brayden's been up to. ALSOOO APPARENTLY so Brayden tells me that him and Elle played together (which I knew), but he voted them out so idk how their dynamic is. Lots to think about, I guess now I actually do want to win immunity because I don't feel as secure as I did on original phantoms. But I def have Brayden on my side, and I'm really hoping Jared is truly gonna ride with me. Idols/advantages are also a potential problem here because what if Elle or Jay have one. I hope Brayden is just lying to me and he secretly has something too. I almost told him about mine but I decided against it. Much to think about, much to do, much to win.

I got an idolllll✨ lol so glad i signed up because no one else from my tribe did so it was super easy ��� Tribe swap!! Sad bc i'll miss Colin 😔 real homie right there um i mean sure others too maybe lol I switched with Jay so no worries there and Anastasia I'm sorry to say we've never really clicked like we've worked together before (and she's backstabbed me before) but we've never really been like *this* y'know??? And Babs and Jennifer I barely talked to Babs likes musical theater and vine references tho so she's cool B) Anywayssss Dennis knows the pain of being a Starbucks barista and I was with Jared in the shape memory and felt bad for them oof so yeah OH! and Brayden helped vote me out in Kyoshi after saying he wouldn't vote for me... Dont Love That but also it was kinda a hopeless situation in Kyoshi kinda tragicccc for me funnily enough I was tribe swap screwed over but that's not like this time (if it is I will SCREAM but also I'm chill with whatever place I get in this game so eh) yeah i kinda made myself stop drinking caffeine/copious amounts of sugar for a year and then started back at Starbucks and immediately broke soooo I have no idea how coherent this is I think we'll do well in the challenge!! It's scavenger hunt but also I am working this weekend :( hate that for me ik me too boo so we'll see how much I can do I remember being upset at myself in prev. seasons because I went too hard in challenges and I feel like in this one I just don't have the time to 😂 the way to get priorities is to get a life apparently lol kidding but also am I??? Idk kinda forgot what I was talking about. Yay in the Phantom tribe now and we will crush this challenge✨

This tribe is getting on my nerves. 2 of them are super nice and I'd love to work with them but I don't know how the pre-alliances worked before this tribe. I really enjoy Amy and Anastasia but trying to talk to Ginnifer is like pulling teeth and Jennifer still hasn't said....anything.

https://youtu.be/maj4CRLrsjQ sorry this is really long i didnt mean to

My tribe is going to council.

At first, I thought I was SCREWED because I got neither Amy, Dennis, or Brayden from my OG tribe for the swap. I barely spoke to Josh, but at least he tries in challenges and we have that going for us. I absolutely adore Colin, he's experienced and he doesn't hide it, but here's a good support system and I see why he goes far in these games. By virtue of me being active, I can hopefully stay alive from this swap. As for the challenge, it's incredibly difficult to do since only the 3 of us are actively doing it, and with 3 slots, it means everyone has to do everything, which is virtually impossible. Shaad complained about his old tribe but a lot of his tribemates' confessionals about him were about him being inactive, and I'm definitely seeing it. Babs hasn't even accepted my message request yet. I absolutely trust Colin and I'm debatable with Josh, but I sure hope that he's not working with Shaad and Babs. But I'm 99% sure that's not the case because even Colin hasn't talked to Babs much and they haven't even been accepting message requests. I absolutely think we're headed to tribal, but honestly, that might be fine because it'll save my other allies in the other tribes. I just hate going to tribal council because it's never fun and it makes me nervous. Every time. But hopefully my social relationships I've made will get me through this swap even if I have to (at last, I guess) go to tribal council. 

~

https://youtu.be/FJOPBi8cnBk

The swap is fun so far doing a fun and hilarious scavenger hunt but yuck my face is sticky blech 

Okay I think I figured out a lot. I think all the idols are on my tribe. The way Jared and Jay talk to me shows me that theyre smart players and I realllllly think they both have idols. And the three of us are just dancing around that subject. So if we go to tribal, I have to move very cautiously and thats why im trying to get another advantage. I think Jay is going for it too, homeboy messages me in 10 minute intervals. I think I can only afford going to tribal once with this tribe, I'm just hoping we win out especially if all the idols are chilling here I don't want to play it yet. Ima just keep hunting i dont have a lot of thoughts rn.

I'm not sure where I'm at. I feel decent about elle, she has familiarity with me, it should be convenient for her and I to stay together. I do like Jared too...the hope is that he links up with us and we can take out Brayden. Nothing personal against Brayden, but I like Dennis more, and I feel like I can work with Dennis in a merge scenario. If we can get Brayden out whenever we go to tribal, I'll also be put in a scenario at that point where I can either go with Jared and Elle, or maybe Jared and Dennis. Dennis seems very low key and more social than strategic, so he's a good person to play with for a decent amount of time. 

Uh idr my last confessional or when it was :( we just did the scavenger hunt challenge and are waiting for results and i really hope we don't have to go to tribal bc what a crappy birthday present that'd be!! Bc my birthday is tomorrow :)))))) I hope people remember bc I'm not going to say anything 😶 just to see who remembereddddd probs no one and ill break midday or maybe I'll leave it alone who knows! I'm going on a picnic tomorrow tho and then probs celebrating with fam so it'd be a bad day for a tribal :( OMG what if I got voted out on My Birthday that'd be so r00d but like kinda iconic too very memorable 21st brithday the one where I was voted out Metaverse... anyways uh hope we win this challenge lol 😅

Okay so it's cute and all that we won but Miss Jennifer needs to go ASAP. I low-key wanted to go to tribal just so I could let her GO, but it's whatever. I get a day to chill finally. I don't have to think as hard anymore. I feel good.

~

I think the thing I am very interested in seeing is what's about to happen with Shaad in that tribe.

~

But also, I really love Amy. I think she's really gonna be good for me.

okay i've been slacking on confessionals so im gonna pretend this is like 2 days ago and make one solely about the swap AHHH TRIBE SWAP i'm kinda excited that none of my alliance members are on my new tribe. that seems opposite but its gonna give me a better chance to branch out and make new connections, then when merge hits rekindle the old alliance that existed pre swap. hopefully that all pans out!! immediately I started vibing with Jodi. she's an absolute QUEEN and we match each other's energies perfectly. we've been shading others in the tribe, joking around, connecting personally, it's been great!! honestly i knew within like the first 20 mins I wanted to duo with her and be a f2. the rest of the tribe however? sheeeeesh babs and shaad are very inactive. apparently shaad blew up on his last tribe bc they almost voted him out... for being inactive? like sir if the shoe fits. pls fix it. babs is going THRU it and I feel for them. but... just say somethin josh is kind of a king. jodi likes him. he's putting in a lot of effort and I appreciate that. not sure if it makes him a threat but it definitely makes him an asset SO I approached both of them with an alliance!! and it worked!! i now have ANOTHER alliance woo!! with josh and jodi!! woo!! here's part of my host chat rambling bc I confess way more there than I do here i think Jodi and Josh might be like a duo tho the way Jodi talks about is kinda sus imma need to weasel my way in maybe I'll suggest a trio alliance as the most 'active' people on the tribe as a means to get close to them, then I'll use that to secure a f2 with jodi jodi radiates the same type of chaotic energy I do in games but she gets more bored than I do which is not good but more fun

~

we LOST but im not SURPRISED i feel like we shouldve won SOLELY bc I got SANDRA DIAZ-TWINE to send me a selfie. that's fucking iconic. one of my proudest org career moments. anyway now the fun part begins. gotta decide who goes. it's either shaad or babs. I think the easiest and most common sense thing to do is vote babs because they've been more inactive. but also its the first live tribal and I think shaad will give drama if we vote him off. and that makes GOOD FUCKING TV. so idk. options options. we'll see!

holy shit phantoms won immunity. phantoms stays the winning tribe 4 times in a row holy shit. i actually wanted to win this time and put a lot of effort into this because no ma'am i need safety rn and work on these relationships. just need time. speaking of time, im about to hit hour 12 of the endurance hunt and im starting to feel like a madman. but babyyyyy i want another advantage and hopefully another fucking idol holy shit can you imagine???? i still haven't told anyone and my lips are gonna remain sealed. however i still think that yall are messy and set up my tribe where u knew brayden and i werent super close and from what ive gathered jay and elle weren't close either. so u put the two pairs that arent close with the one fool. okay so what else could we possibly have in common on this tribe to add more mess? IDOLS!!!!! like the three people that got the idols got swapped onto the same tribe like that has to be it. so jared would have to have one, even though he told me he didnt but the way he talked to me about idols in general literally makes me feel like he has one. i was like it would be so nice to have a little bit of security and hes like yeah i know what you mean. like bro just tell me u got a fuckin idol already. so then jay or elle have to have one. and i am convinced jay has one. maybe elle is gonna gag me with her idol but im gonna assume its jay. jared has spoken with him, and i have spoken with him. the three of us feel really good with each other (but im pretty sure jared has me above him bc i got to him first). we'll probs make an alliance chat shortly. i recognize that jared and jay are good at the strategic part of the game and are really smart and just good overall competitors and ESPECIALLY if they have idols that makes them even more dangerous. so i have to work with them than against them i have to make sure that they know i have them above everyone else. i think three strong players naturally gravitated towards eachother and if we really all do have idols its so funny that we're not telling each other. but im slowly but surely working on getting it out of them but if theyre as smart as i think they are they wont tell me. im just gonna continue being "transparent" with them and we'll see where it goes i hope they dont catch on. also jays a fucking liar because we were on a call today and i asked him if he did any hunts. he gave me a pause and then slurred his speech when he said "i haven't done any" like broooooooo ur fuckin lying to me right through your teeth. im convinced hes doing this one because he was up early for some breakfast and his lil skype thing showed online status allllll day like i gotta assume hes doing it. even if he didnt do the first three like hes def doing the last three dont play dumb with me!!!! i am not the one baby. but actually as im writing this hes not online anymore so if he really was doing it maybe he stopped? so if he was up early i would assume he started at 7 or 8 and ending by 9:30 he did 13 or 14 hours? idk im literally going till i cant stay up anymore ive already hit the 12 hours mark now if i went this long i have to go for the w likeee i have to. thats all i got for ya right now dont ever ask me for anything again.

no joke my brain is melting pls help

~

i want a survivor wiki page :(

During challenge: https://youtu.be/IsGPtYtgnQ4 After challenge results: https://youtu.be/CgmLGWBvEhw

https://youtu.be/Yfsh_odV-Zg

The tribe swap really confused me. I was finally getting the hang of this game but now I'm doubting myself again. I also haven't been active much for the past 2 days and I think my tribe mates have noticed. I need to stay on top of things better if I don't want to (eventually) get voted out.

That this tribe swap screwed me over. It left me with Babs whos been completely inactive and Shaad whos been completely useless. At least I gained an alliance with Jodi and Colin but this is fucking pitiful.

https://youtu.be/pE207b8VRFE

can't wait to vote out jared and jay once jury starts

So I had planned on doing hourly milestone activities like calling a friend at 15 hours, eating ice cream at 16 hours etc and I was filming it to vlog the evening for my confessionals.. but my mom called me around 10:55 for a family emergency and when it was done it was 11:01 and my alarm got overridden by the call. That’s how I dropped and I’m really sad 😔 i low key don’t wanna play the game today but I literally have tribal so I have to stay online, even tho I’d still be more active than babs and shaad ☠️ I wanted this one so bad because the only thing I’m good at is not sleeping. Whoever went longer than 15.5 hours is now at the top of my hitlist, if I find out you also tried this hard for an advantage, I will take u out w my army. Even if it’s a superidol. The only good thing from this L is it ignited a huge motivator for me to play this game hard again (but not too hard) but have a goal and mission to complete. 

~

https://youtu.be/PR8XWvdH-Hc

~

update: i think Amy has it. I'll ask her about it at the merge, she won the 24 hour comp in her last org so it's very possible she gunned this advantage out. if she tells me she has it, then i know I'm absolutely her #1, if not, then we'll see what happens ..... 

~~~

Edgic:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jared: He has done well to place himself firmly in the middle of his tribe. The two sides are definitely going by tribal lines at the moment which makes him the most powerful person on the tribe. Everyone wants to work with him. He will definitely be safe if his tribe has to go to tribal council soon.

Jay: This comes as a surprise, but Jay has bonded well with Jared. So much so that Jared listed Jay as the person he trusts the most currently on his tribe. This gives the S.E.E.S. side a bit more longevity on this tribe which is definitely in Jay’s interest. I can see Jared and Jay forming a tight duo.

Dennis: He is definitely in a better spot than he was on his last tribe. No one on this tribe has explicitly said they distrust or want to target Dennis. He’s playing it safe which is good. He lands himself higher than Elle because Jared seems to trust him more. If the decision was between Dennis and Elle, he would be the one safe. Additionally, he’s also sniffed out that the idols are all on this tribe (which is just a coincidence). However, he believes that Jay has it rather than Elle which is an unfortunate guess from him. However, what is excellent game sense is that he wants to form an alliance with Jay and Jared which could definitely benefit him in the long run when he needs to separate himself from his Phantoms.

Elle: It is sad to see Elle near the bottom, but it doesn’t seem like they have won anyone over with their charm on this tribe. Everyone besides Jay sees Elle as someone expendable if this tribe were to go to two consecutive tribal councils. On the plus side, Elle has an idol. If it comes to that, she may be able to keep herself safe.

Brayden: For some reason, no one except Dennis trusts Brayden. In fact, I would not be surprised if Jared, Jay, and Elle came to the consensus that he should be the one to go out of the two Phantoms. Brayden’s unwillingness to work with Dennis rears its ugly head as, even now, Brayden wants to distance himself from Dennis. He seems to believe that he is good with Jay and Jared when both parties have listed him on the bottom of their trust rankings. If Brayden is not careful, he is going to find himself blindsided and voted out premerge in this game.

Fools

Danny: Amy and Anastasia want to keep Danny in spite of their alliance with Ginny. It feels as if both of them want to work closely with him AND want to ditch that alliance. Danny easily has the most control as he has key allies that are willing to go to bat for him if things get messy. I even believe that he would be saved rather than Ginny if this tribe were to go to tribal council consecutively.

Anastasia: Her prior connection with Ginny has instantly landed her in an alliance with Amy despite the fact she doesn’t even know Amy like that. In fact, Anastasia doesn’t even trust Amy that much, but is still willing to work with her and pretend to be allies. Additionally, she has gotten into the good graces of Danny for whom she is trying to work closely with. Anastasia is the most connected with Danny which means she is the safest out of the group. However, Amy sees right through the veneer which means that Anastasia could be labelled as a big threat and be subsequently taken out at the early stages of merge. It was definitely a mistake to inform Amy about their prior connection with Elle.

Amy: What lands Amy here is that Anastasia doesn’t trust her. I was surprised too, but, looking at it, Anastasia would cut Amy over Ginnifer. What puts her above Ginnifer is her activity, however. Hopefully Amy can gain more trust with Danny and Anastasia and be safer in the future. Amy has a good read on Anastasia which keeps her in this position as well. She knows exactly what she needs to do to survive this tribe with the necessary numbers, but can she do it?

Ginnifer: I believe Ginnifer made a misstep by creating an alliance with Anastasia and Amy. At least for Amy, she doesn’t know how to feel considering Ginny never mentioned the alliance and just put them in it. It may have been a bit too presumptuous which leads to hesitation and distrust with the people she wants to ally with. Finally, Danny was also annoyed by Ginny being inactive near the start of the challenge which lowers her overall safety at tribal council

Jennifer: Where is Jennifer San Diego? Her inactivity and unhelpfulness in the challenge makes her the easiest target. There’s not much to say except if she doesn’t pick it up soon and socialize, she will be sitting in the VL.

S.E.E.S.

Jodi: Once again, Jodi has emerged as the tribe leader. Despite being on a plane for the whole day, she has been the most vocal about organizing the challenge. People are very attracted to Jodi’s energy making it easy for her to make allies in any situation she finds herself in. Right now, she has allied with Colin and Josh which easily puts her on the top of this trio alliance. Therefore, she is the safest person on the tribe. She has also been dictating this vote pretty heavily. I fear that Jodi just does not know how to chill though. Her biggest weakness is that she will jump out at anything and try to keep talking when she should just hold back. If she keeps playing the way she is, she will end up as an early jury boot.

Colin: Colin has attached himself to Jodi pretty heavily. I can definitely see this being Colin’s Final 2 rather than any of his allies back on S.E.E.S. The good part about it is that Jodi seems to feel the same way which is great. Additionally, Colin can hide behind Jodi’s massive target at merge.

Josh: Josh does very well in the challenges which keeps him in people’s good graces. His activity definitely helps him survive this tribe as well. He has found himself allied with Jodi out of necessity though. I do not doubt that Colin and Jodi will leave Josh in the dust once merge rolls around and they have their allies back. However, Josh is doing the thing he should be doing at pre-merge: being good at challenges and being active. Anything more would put an unnecessary target on his back at merge.

Babs: Babs is never online and did not even try to help in the challenge. This leaves them low. However, they do still have a Vote Blocker so they can pull some shenanigans if they so choose. Additionally, their inactivity may be used as a shield for now as, at the very least, Jodi is still willing to gtry and get to know Babs.

Shaad: I do not particularly understand why the trio alliance wants to target Shaad. He has a pre-established enemy in Jared and is willing to blow up if he wants to. He could make a great shield in the future, and he would not target these people. However, they believe that Shaad is more useless in the challenges than Babs (despite Babs never being online). And, without any allies on this tribe, there is no one there to vouch for Shaad making his demise seem clear. I hope somehow Shaad can pull himself out, but it does not seem likely.

[matoitech]

ik when i first watched it n wasnt paying much attention to it, b4 i was diagnosed, i felt like i could relate 2 the protag girls like losing time n mixing up reality n stuff, n only the times after i watched it for the first time did i decide i didnt rly like the movie cuz the ableism was just too ack and the writing was lazy (ppl w/o DID/OSDD can put DID ableistly in2 their movie w a major theme abt Identity and Self and everyone will clap for them n say its the most interesting movie ever n no ones ever thought abt that stuff b4 which makes me ROLLLL MY EYES) n thru that i decided the last time i watched it it would b better if protag girl was the one who had DID and she was not committing crimes n her manager was taking advantage of her DID 2 try n frame her n shit, but whenever i go to expand on that point it feels like a horror movie to me. top ten ways to make a dissociative traumatized persons life a living hell! so no one gets the reworked version sorry. i do think it would b interesting tho if the protag had still accepted a job as an actress on a crime tv show playing an ableist caricature of a person with DID (which i think she did do in the movie but i dont remember) n as time goes on its taking more n more out of her emotionally 2 b involved with n further contributing 2 her emotional fatigue n vulnerability (itd b likely shes unaware of her DID when she did accept the job n is unhappy w it for reasons she cant rly work thru at first but u could also do smth w her being aware of it n taking the job anyway.. that might make her not a great moral person but gbfhg. ig its still set in the 90s or whenever so idk how much ppl knew abt the disorder at the time). that version would make the manager a much more like, oppressive n involved figure in her life rather than the movie version where shes horrified by the protag doing all this shit her version of protag wouldnt do (im using that sentence loosely, we r ignoring she has DID in the movie rn). id also want to work on it so it didnt feel like, this womans being tortured: the movie, and shes more like, active in her own narrative and isnt just. being pushed around. since its part of her movie character to want to do her own thing n branch out beyond the image being an idol had put her into, n that would b good 2 keep. it would rly not b perfect blue anymore but like perfect blue wasnt great anyway so i dont think it matters.

perfect blue couldve been a way better less ableist movie n u wouldnt have to take out DID entirely from it, except like, it would have to not b implemented the way they did it. involving murder makes it messy inherently lol

[positivelyamazonian]

Asky anon to do what I do best: ask (? So, did Lady Angeline and Marie Cornel ever met? If so, what happened? If they didnt, what would happen if they met? Like, their toughts about each other. That's it, Anon out. PS: *crossing fingers to not trigger any important spoiler*

Welcome back to my humble abode, Asky anon. :) So, headcanon time? Let’s go for headcanon time! Take a seat, I’m gonna be long and boring as usual ;D

I’ll try to answer without giving major spoilers because I’m not sure how I’ll do what you’re exactly asking - and there’s a chance I won’t do it at all, but just in case you want to avoid any kind of spoiler, don’t read below this hot Chris Hemsworth! :D

Now, let’s go for it.

In general, Lady Croft is pretty much uncomfortable with anything related with Kurtis, and that includes his branch family - or the only member that’s still alive, Marie. We can say she is there for Anna, because she wants to be with her grandaughter and because she sees her as a chance to redeem herself from what she did to Lara - provided that there’s no way things can be fixed between her and Lara.

But that starts with Anna and ends with Anna. As you’ve already seen, she tries to avoid Kurtis and she doesn’t want to know about him or his past, or his family. 

Now, has she ever met with Marie Cornel? It’s been 14 years since Anna was born and it would be a bit absurd if they hadn’t met - just for the sake of being realistic. Anna has spent a lot of time with both grandmas - in the Navajo nation with Marie, living among the Diné (as they call themselves), but also in Surrey, England, with Lady Angeline. Now, Lady Croft is not really fond of travelling for need - she just enjoys travelling for pleasure, but Marie is used to move across the world - practically is the only kind of life she has ever experienced. 

So, we can say they had indeed met. What happened? You can imagine Lady Croft’s reaction when realizing the other grandma is a Navajo Indian (btw, I know the Diné people hate the word “Indian”, so, sorry for that, I’m using the word from Lady Croft’s point of view). I wouldn’t call Lady Croft a racist in the strict meaning of the word, she’s not really evil in her heart, but she’s a British lady, raised among highborn people, and the only contact she has had so far with other kind of people are just fantasy imaginations about how helpful is she being with all those charity balls and donations she used to attend with her husband, Lord Croft. She’s maternal at best with “those poor people who need our help”, and yeah, that’s a form of racism - well-meaning, but racism anyway. She’s not just aware of it, and she would certainly be horrified if someone called her a racist. 

Then, we can say she’s not amused or delighted to see the other grandma is an American Native, and much less when she discovers that - oh, wait, nope, spoiler here. *zips mouth*

It’s not a big deal anyway, but I don’t like to spoil what I’m certain I’m gonna include ;)

What about Marie Cornel? As you can imagine, she’s pretty used to be seen as different by most of the white - and even non white - people. Even her own son’s not alike to her - Kurtis resembles his father, Konstantin. 

Of course, being used to be looked at as different doesn’t meant she would take any shit on that.

The chief police leaned over and examined the photographs taken from the crime scene. Then he sighed and threw them on the table, and looked at the two women before him. A young and an old one - two Indians, one from the very India and one who must be a red-skin or something…

“I’m Navajo, inspector.” Marie said. “Stop looking at me that way.”

- LILITH’S SCEPTER, chapter 36, Purification

Marie will deal with this gently and politely most of the time, except when she’s nervous, upset or feeling weak in any way. Then she’ll explode or act uptight. She’s a tough woman, enough tough to earn Lara’s admiration and respect - as you’d probably noticed in Lilith’s Scepter. In fact, both Lara and Marie recognize and respect each other because they’re so alike - tough women used to fight their way on.

Of course, Lady Croft knows nothing of this and she’d be certainly derogatory - for she despises Lara’s way of life. Only that she’s too polite and educated to say this to the face. Lady Angeline will never act rude or unpolite towards Marie, but her face expression will betray her most of the time - and Marie gets this. Under normal circumstances, the Navajo woman will avoid any kind of confrontation - just as for the same reason Lady Croft will avoid that too: Anna.

That means they’re enemies? Of course, not. They just avoid each other, and it’s much more Lady Croft’s attitude than Marie’s. They’ve been raised in different worlds, they are the opposite kind of woman to each other, they simply can’t understand each other. So, most of the time, they will tolerate each other for the sake of their common granddaughter, and that’s all.

What’s Marie’s opinion on Lady Croft? She just sees her as Kurtis sees her, as everyone who’s not highborn would see her - and how Lara sees her too. But further details will be provided in the fanfic, not here. :)))

In general, Marie is very polite and diplomatic - but she’s also fiercely proud of her Navajo origins as much as she will have no restrains to fight whoever despises her for that, and she’ll certainly remember anyone trying to throw shit on her that the blood of the Diné - the Navajo people - is also running through both Kurtis and Anna’s veins.

Just imagine Lady Croft being reminded her grandaughter is half-blood. Well, rather than half-blood, a mix of Navajo blood and ancient German blood combined with aristocratic British blood.

Ok, enough of this nonsense. Ana out :D

[whentvsfly]

5, 13 & 37

5. Share one of your strengths.I think I’m good at getting feelings across to the audience? How a character feels, or reacts to things. Making characters Relatable ™

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?There’s probably so many I don’t think of because I’ve taken them to heart, but the best one I can think of right now is “said isn’t dead”. Using too many action-y based words during dialogue can upset the flow, and it’s ok to use ‘said’ because its accurate, and not at all distracted.  I’m glad I was taught this after middle school tried to convince me otherwise.

37. Talk about your current wips. Oh boy…Uhm! Lemme scroll through my googledoc and see what I even have started hah!Ok so there are a lot more than I realized, and some I haven’t worked on in ages, but I’ll put ‘em here anyways! I’ll organize them by how much I have written for them. (it’ll be “title (as they are in google docs. probs wont be actual title for most)”. fandom. description.)Just a rough idea (no words, only outline)(most ones here were thought up as me and @pundeserving​ texted):1. “Disney”. Mp100. Where Teru just really loves Disney movies and gets Mob to watch Bambi with him but its Sad so Teru has to help Mob not reach 100% sadness. It would be real cute n kinda gay2. “Emojis” Mp100. A short hc based piece about how Teru would use So Many Emojis and Mob would only really use ascii emotes (teru: 😎😆😭 mob:  :) :0 ).  He basically uses them as punctuation at this point. After his Gay Awakening he gets worried that it seems too extra or flirty so he tries to cut back on using them but Mob picks up on that and gets worried like “why isn’t hanazawa-kun using as many smilies? is he sick? is he mad at me?” He mentions it to teru and teru is like crying internally cause holy fuck?? he noticed smth so small like that???3. “ritsu is an ok mom friend” Mp100. Spawned from that “when a group of friends is formed, the mom friend emerges” post. It was decided that Ritsu would try to be the most responsible of them all and thus the mom friend. (Teru does his own thing, Mob wouldn’t wanna ruin the others’ fun, and Shou…is Shou). Also spawned from a hc that, in short, is Teru and Shou would be Those Friends who would be real competitive and egg each other on and, if unsupervised, would be Bringers of Destruction). He has confiscated many “Bad Idea Materials “.The story would just be Ritsu tryin to keep his friends safe heh. Direct quote from outline “”ritsus always like! how the fuck! my guy! just stop this it’s like ur trying to get urself killed!!teru and shou just “we are” simultaneously and ritsu rly cant tell if its a joke but hes mildly concerned for a week after”“. I think the part I really wanted to write is Shou sayin he had a Good Idea (read: bad idea) and then stops texting and Ritsus like “holy fuck did he die” and panics and Mob helps him calm down and they go check on him together and it turns out Shou just passed tf out because he is bad at sleeping like a normal human at normal human hours.4. WoY. I don’t speak of it to anyone and therefore it doesn’t exist. What fic? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 5. One that i have only written in my head, not even in googledocs yet. Mp100. Ritsu trying to be there for his bro throughout the arcs. After the teru fight, the mogami incident, etc.6. I also have a few in-my-head Mp100 ones based on the sexuality headcanons of mine I posted about the the other day. Really wanna write those tooPartially written ones:1. Su. It was gonna be one where Steven went to Centi and ranted to her about all the Shit that has gone down. That was a few steven bombs ago tho I could make him rant about Even More.2. “possible sewuel to long fic“. UT. A sequel to ‘There Are Worse Things Than Being Alone, Like Being A Little Too Late”. It is a whopping 3 paragraphs, compared to its prequel’s 30 pages (20,000 words). I lost motivation, although I still do have scenes of it written in my brain.3. “pidge post season“. VLD. My idea of where Pidge may have ended up after S1. Completely pointless now, although I’m still wondering if it would be something interesting to post as a ‘what if’. I’d have to finish it though and I am not particularly motivated since S2 came out. I just kinda wanted to make a cool fic about Pidge being lost on a water-based planet and trying to get their lion functional again with whatever was around so they could meet back up with the rest of voltron (also I wanted to make another nonbinary pidge fic for the tag cause those fics Give Me Life)4. “shou u little fucker open up“. Mp100.  A loose sequel to “My Parents Should Have Taken Me Back for Repairs Before the Warranty Ran Out”. Snippets of Shou bein relatable and Depressed and Ritsu helpin him out as he can. Written so far: depression meals aka being too down to go to the kitchen for food let alone going to the petstore to get your hamster more food so you text your best bro to get hamster food for you and tell him to feed ur pet for you and bein discrete enough that he thinks youre out of the house otherwise he might not do it cause theres no way in hell youre telling him you didnt do it yourself cause you didnt have the energy to get off the couch for like 20 hours5. “Awakening“. Mp100. I realllly wanna finish and post this one. Its based on those lines those claw guys said. “HQ sent an awakened brat” “What? A kid went though that?”. Shou doesn’t know how bad his dad is, he is young and loves his parents. He admired his dads powers. He wants to be like his dad. He doesn’t know what it costs. (He is weak in power, and his dad wants him to be strong, an heir, so he takes him to a branch and has him tortirued to awaken his powers fully).Fully written (but in need of revision/I’m uncertain of whether or not to actually post it):1. “Ritsu worries for Shigeo, Shigeo worries for the cats“. Mp100. A post Mogami arc fic. Ritsu knows nothing of what his bro went through, but Mob has a new habit of feeding any and all cats on their way to school. One day two of the cats are fighting and mob stops responding and goes to break up the fight but he’s already losing himself to his powers so Ritsu has to help him back down. He is more confused than ever.2.”Instinct, and the Training of“. Mp100. A fic about ???%, or about Mob’s powers, personified. Whichever the viewer themself wants to read it as, I left it ambiguous on purpose. Personally I like to think of it as ???% but I won’t make others read it as that. Every time ???% happens, or nearly happens, or is implied to have happened, from the pov of itself. Written in such a weird style, I just need to reread it and see if it sounds ok and other last review things before publishing. I’ve been too lazy to reread it and post it though.aaand thats it! hooo, that was a lot sorry hah! Thank you for the ask!

[misterbitches]

Im not intelligent at all. In the conventional sense. The ramblings of a girl who just has sooo much going in in her head it's constant. But im not a genius. Or that confusing.

It just sounds like I am bc fandoms have this issue where they can JUSTSO point out the issues in soletiing. They can pick and prod and go oh problematic! But then you go to name the problems and the difficulties within society like for ex: the idea of representation in general. Salivating over it. How fucking sad that is. How we are trained to accept it. So in a BL and also RACE in the bl genre they exploit viewers naivete both domestically and internationally. Ive seen tons of people liken being asian to being a person of color. However, in their predominantly homogenous society (or intentionally publically homogenous society), they are not "poc" (also name the of color; i dont use bipoc idc if u do but it's called being asian guys cos yall aint talkin about black ppl lmao)

They as humans seeing other humans who look like them everywhere, engage with the world differently than an american in asia or asians living outside of their home country (like bae doo nanwhen she worksnin the US is not the same as the bae doo nanworking on a korean program) I dont complain about it in everything i see bc ppl say it ALL THE TIME. but it is NOT the same. Being a person of color is very distinctly an american concept. This is all stuff people will get to know on their own if they choose to dig more.

I do my best to underline what my ugly little eyes process. How i figure things out as a black female american artist too! Im hard on shit cos i should be. I take it seriously. And even if i dont take it seriously bc THEY dont then thats their problem.

I know this is a complaint that I am not alone in. I know it's the internet. I just don't get how people can write really heavy analysis but they refuse to actually probe the underlying issues. Not everyone is me, or like my friends, but if there's way fewer people talking about this stuff it seems absolutely glaring when theres few people engaging in the way i do. It seems like im the glitch but I am thinking just as much just differently.

I really loved where your eyes linger but there was little deep class analysis. I remember few convos a bout it. I know a lot about korea (sigh being a black ex kpop fan lol mess) and i love the history but all ofnit matters! Korea's relation to labor!

People bringing up thai actors snd actresses leaving the industry and doing acting as something quick. As an artist~ who went to film school with insanely wealthy ppl and isnin tons of debt you have to understand how shitty that is. People have monetary access and they just fucking do whatever just because they want to. Meanwhile you have young people being coerced into this bullshit mainstream life to LITERALY just make money bc they dont come from a rich background. The wealth gap in thailand is BAD, theres a dictatorship, they had a fucking coup. The governments like here do not respect their people. Their marginalized groups. Trans thai women, black thai ppl, poor thai ppl. And it LITERALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING EFFECTIVELY IN CAPITALISM. No nothing can be perfect but if it's going into our eyeballs and we can view the worlld critically then why the fuck not!???

I dont say the things i see are wrong always. I reply when i think i need to. I try and engage with others but not to kuch avail. I just want to rb stuff and tdhink lajfhhdjwhjej.

But like yea theres a lot of just wrong or misguided stuff. A lot of the times it is just historical inaccuracy in framing or idk. A refusal to think outside the box. I dont care. Theres more to life than just sort of looking and not thinking especially for othrr artists.

Idk im sorry. I dont see how i can change how i view things. I really wish people would expand their palettes too and go deeper into other means of art from places! Things not in the mainstream! Theres a lot of good thai artists and a lot of them critical as fuck about their country as they should be. Authority, austerity, patriarchy, capital, racism etc like that is central to a power thats interested in growing gains and fiscal and social power. Theres rly radical or left leaning etc ppl out there in the world and these countries in these communities. So they exist. No people in these countries dont have NO clue whats going on. Cultural relativism is alsos something people should understand. I had a good talk with ppl on here a while ago about that. Talking about shit, critiquing, but being respectful to a group. Part of thay is realizing these groups CLEARLY know their own issues and all our cultures share the same goal. Guess what it is. It rhymes with acquiring wealth. Money means you hurt people. In the post, we talked about use of "wife" and "husband" which is a stupid joke that has been "explained" a billion times and yet the explanations still dont seem to answer or justify a minor problem (it's very funny to me that a language that doesnt have gendered pronouns is now very specific about two men. Hmmm wonder why. It is annoying.)

So im not the only person on the planet doing this. Or the few ppl ive seen that do. Im not new my thoughts arent new. Ive gotten to see another side to a culture i knew not much about and that means i can put the context of my beliefs and life and try and understand thheirs. For ex i learned from ITSAY because of a sign that said 'french food' that they were the only country to not be colonized back then. Do you know how integral that history is to their region? That was an interesting detail (i didnt finish itsay bc ihad a lot going on and i was rly upset that i would see hownrich they are and i hate that.)

Anyways thats my complaint. It used to feel like a sting of rejection. I left online for months in 2019, i started organizing more, joined a union, trying to do some panther work shit like that. I learned a lot in those months and it changed my life! But when I came back, I felt so isolated. It wasnt my true friends tho sometimes theyre ANNOYINGGGGG (love u) but it was me being like "if we are going to complain guys then lets put our money where our mouth is" lets be fucking serious about it then. No say it with your chest dude. It isnt difficult. Go with the fucking flow, talk about it, critique it, think. You can still fucking like itnor love it.

I am BLACK ok and i love rap. I am a black woman. I will continue to clown black men that cant seem to not clown themselves and listen. No i wont support monetarily: drake is a creep and i hate him but i bump that niggas song. Thats fucking LIFE. I got so sick of hiding myself and it became clear that it wasnt that i wasntthinking well or hard enough. They just didnt like that i said we need to commit class suicide and inspect out middle class sensibilities and middle class wealth hoarding (google it) if thats what we engaged with. Every part of you, antagonize it. I still have my privileges; class, skin color, even my father being a nigerian immigrant, me being cis, im not str8 but not a lesbian and those are differences.

Insecurities in general but some shallow thoughts (?) on discussion in "fandom" space. FYI, this will most likely stay the same. I tend to stay in my own bubble socially IE me and my friends are similar in our views. During this awful year while running my union's account, im surrounded by like minds. Me and my friends? We changed together. We grew up and saw what we didnt like and what we want. We do our best.And i CHOOSE my life to be that way bc it should be. There is no solution. I dont believe in solutions because the solution is to abolish capital or just divest. Abolishing capital and labor are a huge one and i will die before that happens (but so help me as long as im alive? Black women to FREEDOMMMM is my motto!) so making your own path in life is the best thing an artist can do IN MY OPINION.

However with technology and stuff this puts another layer onto things. Tech, social media, this shit....it THRIIIIIIIVESSSSSSS off of conflict and shallow readings of the world. We are literally primed for it. Engagement in bites. Impossible for me with my brain; i got used to it and i paid for it by limiting my scope. Not being encouraged to THINK AND READ before just speaking

(For ex i am in iww, i helped form a branch here. It is a radical union. Unionism is imprative to me-if ur interested u should read up on some. Look up peter cole! Google inthesetimes Ilwu. Gives you some understanding. Ive always been progressive and now i am....very left idk ic ant label myself. But even in my progrssiveness i had the gall to tell my white friend, whoa has her privileges but i had mine with our class disparity, that we dont need unions, i have WORKED retail. Ive done barista work for sonoing and i do gig work. So i wasnt out of touch. I had been stiffed even with a shoot i was working on by rich kids. So i had a frame of reference . But i didnt know what the FUCKa union was and why it is imperative. Then learning about anarcho syndicalism and all these other things. It changed my fucking life but two years earlier i was this idiot spouting shit like that making one of my best friends fucking upset. We DO AND CAN CHANGE. Think!!!!)

So were i a creator for tv id just constantly try and push the buttons if i need big money. Make them sell into me (thank you sonic youth!) theres Endless possibilities guys which means theres SO MUCH TK EXPLORE!!!! When i wanna have fun with it i just have fun. When i want to think i do. I dont understand why we are so dedicated to upholding things and doing mental gymnastics to end up in a space you dont need mental gymnastics for. What about these critiques makes you uncomfortable? Saying we're all part of the problem as spectators? Im sorry but we will always be. Thats LIFE. God fuck. Fuck me. I feel so fucking worthless and stupid sometimes. I know I am not. I know i am talented and intelligent. I know my friends and family. I know how to approach ppl. I know how to tell people if they are rich but want to be progressive whatsup. I choose how i live part of that is being ok to say what i want.

Ironically consrrvatives say this shit alot. But they arent ever alone bc their ideology is default. But yea it does feel shitty. It even feels shitty when ur in left circles but people STILL dont even wanna do that. These perspectives really arent ss many as they should be. I dont want to feel so alone with it. I know there are more. I just love art and the world so fucking much, endless possibility. Endless pain but endless good.

[gulescamisade]

Virginia: Day 1

[One instant they're on the ship, and the next they're someplace else entirely. They seem to be outside, among trees, the forest floor covered in a small blanket of snow. For those who look around, they will see not everyone from the UU is present. Only Davenforth, Derek, Riley, Penny, Roxanne, Takoda, Gaizka, Lifera, Qirin, the Mayor, and the Grand High Blood. If they check, all their belongings they had on them before will still be there. Comm devices, anything in their sylladex, and even their strife specibus is intact.]

DAVENFORTH: -Okay what the fuck. First, he was waiting for some heartwarming family reunion to be over and next he's peeling himself off the forest floor. Been a long time since he had this sensation. Groggy, he stands, taking in his location and those around him. Shit.-

LIFERA: -DOOF. She certainly wasn't prepared for something this inane to happen, and she's glad she didn't equip her 2x3dent in the midst of all this. But this is.... suddenly incredibly cold, and she hisses, pushing herself up out of the snow and shivering immediately.-

ROXANNE: -Oh likewise Davenforth, but also seriously what the actual fuck. Can't there be a few hour period of family reunions WITHOUT things going to all hell in exchange like what the shit. Roxanne is sitting up and trying to adjust to the swimming headache that comes with being unceremoniously dumped with teleportation into some strange forest.- Ngh..

PENNY: -She's stumbling until she plops right back on her butt, dropping the cigarette she was holding and watching it fizzle out in the snow.- FUCK.

MAYOR: -FLAILS AROUND. WHAT IS THIS WHITE NONSENSE. WHAT MANNER OF TRAP HAS HE BEEN TELEPORTED TO-

LIFERA: A)(--!

HIGHBLOOD: =Man he was braiding his hair.... what the hell=

QIRIN: =She miraculously managed to land on her feet during this=

DAVENFORTH: Well at least everyone is awake

HIGHBLOOD: =Keeps braiding and looks around=

DAVENFORTH: -Sees Lifera though. Walks over and uncaptchas an extra coat, offering it to her.-

QIRIN: =immediately begins to peel people off the ground if they are still getting themselves acquainted to it.= 

QIRIN: Is everyone all right?

DEREK: -once his ass is up, he's gonna tend to hoisting riley and also draping a coat on her gdi davenforth why we gotta be in synch here.-

LIFERA: Th-Thanks. -nestles in the coat, clearly uncomfortable in this climate-

RILEY: -her ass is PLANTED IN THE SNOW but before she knows it, derek's got her and already getting her a coat- what the actual fuck?!

DAVENFORTH: No problem

DAVENFORTH: Everyone else good so far

PENNY: IM GREAT THANKS FOR ASKING.

MAYOR: -tentatively eats a handful of snow-

ROXANNE: -Shes getting up and dusting herself off before rapidly checking her sylladex. This has happened too many times. Roxanne lets out a sigh of relief when she finds it all there.- Yeah. Good so far.

ROXANNE: 'Cept for the whole whatever that was.

RILEY: -penny's here too? and ROXANNE? WOW. she laughs because this is so gODDAMMN CRAZY BEFORE clearing her throat- is there like...another coat jacket blanket sweater whatever?

HIGHBLOOD: =Suddenly wearing this because coldblooded

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/36/65/27/366527e371625a8d07bba99b13685dbf.jpg

=

QIRIN: ....

HIGHBLOOD: =picks at fangs=

QIRIN: By chance, do you have more in there?

HIGHBLOOD: most assuredly my alabaster sismiss

ROXANNE: -........Eyyy clown buddy has got the threads. She would appreciate it if she wasnt now realizing that ONCE AGAIN shes been separated from every aspect of her small family in likely a life or death situation.-

PENNY: oh shit I want one.

ROXANNE: -8)-

DAVENFORTH: Ive also got regular coats if you dont wanna look like a pride yeti  

LIFERA: ... -Soft glubs. She glances around, sniffing in reservation.-

DAVENFORTH: Wait shit that sounds dope

HIGHBLOOD: =DUMPS tacky rainbow threads on all who needs em= color does yon motherfuck good HIGHBLOOD: best be lookin the best whilst you can broseph :o)

QIRIN: ^_^ Thank you, truly. =She picks one up and tries it on, pushing the neck fluff up to her cheeks. Team Pride Yetis are a go=

RILEY: thanks buddy. -he is her buddy, really- warmest one you got give to my sister. -nods her head in that direction.-

DEREK: -looks pennyward- Oh damn. Thats her?

HIGHBLOOD: y'alls all motherfuckin tiny as a bit they all warm when you layers on layers on layers em sis :oP

RILEY: uh huh. -she nods- imagine me like. 15 years younger. not pregnant. i'll kind of look like her, then.

DAVENFORTH: I always look my best -You Motherfuck...-

HIGHBLOOD: best could get bester =clown smiles in his obsenely bright and colorful winterwear= best get on out the cold

DAVENFORTH: None of us can fly huh

DAVENFORTH: Best vantage point is upward

RILEY: do we look like any of us can fly?

RILEY: let me get my extended wings and jet pack and just bust up into the sky.

HIGHBLOOD: i could juggle y'all that counts enough

QIRIN: What of these trees? I am sure we could scale them.

QIRIN: =maybe=

ROXANNE: -Excuse her and the clicking noise as she's setting up her rifle gun. Shes not screwing around.- We could try it but i dunno' whoever does should be good at climbing because falls can kill pretty quick.

HIGHBLOOD: =He might catch them... or he might not=

DAVENFORTH: Ill be right back -Flashsteps up one of the taller trees to see if he can get a decent vantage point-

RILEY: -throws her hands up in frustration at davenforth just GOIN OFF LIKE THAT- okay, bye.

HIGHBLOOD: =digging into an peach cobbler, hot and fresh from who knows where, one hand in the pocket, looking around=

QIRIN: =a little flatly at Davenforth's eagerness to shimmy up a tree= Oh thank goodness we have medical.

DAVENFORTH: -He's just anime jumping up it branch by branch JESUS. It's perfectly safe, right Derek?-

ROXANNE: -Please dont fall though.-

HIGHBLOOD: =But if you do, do a flip=

ROXANNE: -No.-

HIGHBLOOD: =Two flips=

[At the top of the trees, Davenforth will see MORE TREES... but in the far distance, there are lights coming from a tented area the size of a small village. Maybe it's a... circus?]

DAVENFORTH: -Sighs- At least it aint texas

ROXANNE: -Finishes prepping her gun and slings it over her shoulder, while she watches Davenforth from the ground.-

LIFERA: -She's starting to pace to keep warm. Heck.-

DAVENFORTH: -Checks his comm. Oh shit. Virginia huh? He starts making his way down the tree landing on his feet with the softest thud-

ROXANNE: -Nice dismount. Stuck the landing.-

ROXANNE: See anythin' up there?

PENNY: -draping herself in what's practically a rainbow tent. Ahh yes.- alright whatevers going on Im not standing here fuck deep in snow.

DAVENFORTH: Hope you guys like camping cuz were gonna be playing the wild thornberries for a while

DAVENFORTH: Good news is theres what can be considered civilization miles ahead

QIRIN: Good idea. Are berries in season?

RILEY: great. -sighs, hugging the coat tighter against her-

DAVENFORTH: Bad news is it looks like the ringaling brothers are here

ROXANNE: -Raises a brow.- What?

QIRIN: =shrugs at roxanne=

HIGHBLOOD: =LEANS= them motherfuckers?? =furrows brows=

DAVENFORTH: Grape ape over there is gonna feel real at home soon im guessin

HIGHBLOOD: mine home is where i roam bromie

PENNY: -she's already trudging through the snow. BYE YALL-

HIGHBLOOD: =Goodbye forever lil sis=

DAVENFORTH: That lovely lady has the right idea she might wanna walk to the left a bit though

ROXANNE: ! -Spots a fleeing penny.- Uh hey.

ROXANNE: Maybe you shouldn't go off on your own like that? -Whoever she is, she didnt get the name, only that shes related to riley.-

RILEY: -sighs- hey! where the fuck are you going?

HIGHBLOOD: =He shrugs and starts to roam, tapping on his com and slorping some faygo. The lorge walks through the snow surprisingly quiet=

PENNY: -turns left a little. THANKS GUY.-

PENNY: Im freezing my ass off and I dont know none of yall.

HIGHBLOOD: word on the block's you got fam littlest bit

HIGHBLOOD: that's the block, stalkin ya

RILEY: so your plan is to get lost?

DAVENFORTH: Introducing yourself is the quickest way to still not know someone but at least know their name

PENNY: hi Im Penny.

QIRIN: I am Weramiru Qirin, former queen of Prospit, abdicated in 2619, best decision of my life. I am now one of the Unbreakable Union's doctors. =Holds out her hand like Disney Jane and Tarzan introducing themselves.=

HIGHBLOOD: =Pft, royals=

DAVENFORTH: -What a nerd. He loves her-

ROXANNE: Hey, Penny. I'm not as fancy as Qirin, but ya'can call me Roxanne. -How friendly does she looked all stressed out and with a loaded weapon slung over her shoulder.-

QIRIN: You do not have to be fancy when you are already a brilliant scientist, Roxanne.

PENNY: -side eyes Qirin... high fives her.-

QIRIN: ^_^ =highfives=

ROXANNE: .......Aw heck. -Thats adorable.- Thanks Qirin.

RILEY: enough introductions to get us all going the same direction? perfect. let's go.

PENNY: sorry but no.

MAYOR: -he points to his sash-

PENNY: Im gonna go this way and you can go whatever other way.

MAYOR: -u were missing one. now u know-

HIGHBLOOD: aight =keeps walking= can't make no motherfucker amble on where they don't wanna get their legs =walks behind a tree and disappears=

HIGHBLOOD: =Sliding casually down the other side of the hill, slorping faygo=

PENNY: ....wtf.

DAVENFORTH: Thank god the mayor is okay

QIRIN: ......................

RILEY: -glances at this adorable carapacian and has no idea why he's pointing at his sash but he's so adorable she has to force herself to focus on the situation at hand- well, i'm going where you go. so...you can either go with everybody else or be stuck with just me.

QIRIN: =watches GHB disappear with her own two eyeballs. She should be accustomed to strange occurrences by now, but the fact of the matter is that she is NOT.=

DAVENFORTH: -Catches up to Penny-

PENNY: are you seriously going to do this right now?

DAVENFORTH: Youre an independent woman i like and respect that but right now at this particular juncture of what the absolute fuck is going on we should probably stick together until were not just in a forest with snow also sup penny pleasure to meet you names davenforth

PENNY: look.

PENNY: I just dont want to deal with her.

RILEY: oh jesus christ.

ROXANNE: -Just chilling with Qirin. She aint going near that whole family debacle happening.-

HIGHBLOOD(?): =From somewhere........ a pie appears in Riley's hand=

RILEY: ...

DAVENFORTH: Who riley come on she aint that bad bark is definitely worse than the bite

MAYOR: -ponders, pulling out his YARDSTICK SPEAR. he begins drawing something in the snow...-

RILEY: -sufficiently distracted by there being a pie in her hands all of a sudden. is anybody else seeing this?-

HIGHBLOOD(?): =With a cherry=

PENNY: Im pretty sure I know what shes capable of thanks.

ROXANNE: -Yikes and she thought her and Ruth were bad.-

DAVENFORTH: Im not gonna doubt that but we should still stick together

DAVENFORTH: Just because shes here dont mean you gotta talk to her though

RILEY: -holding this pie with a cherry on top.- oh god i'm having one of those weird dreams again aren't i?

ROXANNE: -Nope, you arent Riley.-

DEREK: -pinches riley's arm-

MAYOR: -he's DONE WITH HIS DRAWING. he turns and scampers up to penny and pokes her in the side with his spear thingy.-

HIGHBLOOD(?): =DO IT.... is she not gonna do it.... it's a great pie...... says the universe=

DAVENFORTH: Maybe the mayor can help better

RILEY: -slaps derek's arm as an automatic reflex- oh. nope. -WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS PIE. do you want me to stick it in someone's FACE?-

DAVENFORTH: Thanks mayor

PENNY: cool cuz dont expect that to work.

QIRIN: =hangin back here with Roxanne. For the same reasons. Dave's got this handled.=

DAVENFORTH: -He does not, in fact, have this handled.-

HIGHBLOOD(?): =What else are pies for... it's a sleepytime pie. Maybe. PRobably=

ROXANNE: -Nah, you got it handled.-

PENNY: -looks down at Mayor.- ??

ROXANNE: -Produces a scarf and silently offers it to Qirin. Shes got a lot, but they wont match the coats..-

RILEY: -inspects the pie further. a sleepytime pie? do you want me to put my sister to SLEEP-

MAYOR: -POINTS AT HIS FINISHED PIECE. it appears to be a large checkerboard carefully drawn in the snow, complete with the pieces!!!! there are white ones and black ones. The black ones are represented by his footprints, while the white ones are basically just circles. They appear to be in a position of CHECK, judging by the fact that the king is surrounded, and the rook and queen are on other sides of the biard, and the black pieces have like THREE WHOLE QUEENS, but nevetherless, it is not yet checkmate. He points to the king and then draws a line to an empty space.-

HIGHBLOOD(?): :o)

MAYOR: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

QIRIN: ^o^ =pleasantly surprised= Oh thank you, Roxanne. How kind of you.

ROXANNE: No problem, Q.

QIRIN: =gazes intently at this drawing=

RILEY: -only if...she wants to go off on her own again...-

PENNY: -stares intently down at this chess board... and looks back at the Mayor.- sorry bud but I got no fuckin clue what youre trying to tell me.

MAYOR: -THROWS HIS ARMS UP-

MAYOR: -ENDOMORPHS ARE HOPELESS-

PENNY: heh.

PENNY: youre pretty cute tho.

MAYOR: -points to his sash again-

PENNY: ...mayo....R.

MAYOR: -jitters-

PENNY: ohhhh. Mayor??

MAYOR: -JITTERS!!!!-

RILEY: -come on little dude. you can get her to stay-

PENNY: I got no idea what mayoring has to do with games but its cool I guess.

MAYOR: -jitters his way back over to the snowboard and begins doing some changes, plopping some snow on top of the kind and drawing in a NEW piece, in a relatively safe spot and NOT in check, before drawing some arrows from the other rook and queen.- He points excitedly at it.-

PENNY: .... were winning chess?

MAYOR: -shakes his head. THUMBS DOWN. definitely losing.-

PENNY: look I wasnt that much of a nerd in high school. I can kick ass at Connect Four though.

PENNY: okay. we suck at chess. thats accurate.

DAVENFORTH: -Hear him in your HEART penny-

MAYOR: -hmm, hmm. He points to her, and then he points to the king. And then he draws a little picture of one of the bishops putting the king in check on top of the king's head.-

MAYOR: -THEN he points at the rook and the queen, pointing at Davenforth and Derek.-

PENNY: ...

ROXANNE: -So Derek or Davenforth are the queen and the other is a rook.-

MAYOR: -he doesn't know what piece u are. HE DOESN'T KNOW YOU LADY-

PENNY: alright. sunglass guys are badasses.

DEREK: -thumbs up-

PENNY: -SIGHS-

RILEY: -elbows him-

MAYOR: ...

MAYOR: -OK SO NOW HE JUST JUMPS ALL OVER THE SNOW, drawing a bunch of pieces around the king. And then a CIRCLE around them.-

PENNY: yeah yeah okay I get it.

PENNY: if I run off Im boned.

PENNY: is that what youre trying to tell me?

MAYOR: -NODS-

MAYOR: -you've only got one move in check-

PENNY: well Ive basically been boned my whole life so thats really nothing new.

PENNY: I like you though.

MAYOR: -jitters a shaky thumbs up-

DEREK: -ELBOW'D OOF.- So were stickin together this time gang?

PENNY: here cmere you look cold as balls. -shuffles over to wrap mayor up in her rainbow funtime coat-

MAYOR: -! -THAT IS KIND. he is hard, like the kind of resin that'd go around a chess piece. UNSURPRISINGLY-

PENNY: -he is a friend...- yeah I guess.

RILEY: -relief-

DAVENFORTH: Told you the mayor is the best

DAVENFORTH: Thanks mayor

DEREK: Groovy.

RILEY: i don't think i ever want you to say that again. -at Derek.-

DEREK: What? It is groovy.

ROXANNE: -Clears throat- Not ta' break this fun time up but.

DEREK: -smirks, then slips an arm around here- So we movin or did I just agree to freezin to death with yall?

ROXANNE: We good to move-

ROXANNE: Yeah what Derek just said.

DEREK: Great minds.

RILEY: -leans into him and sighs- let's go.

DEREK: -PROCEEDS-

ROXANNE: -LIKEWISE. Shes ready to march.-

MAYOR: -scampers along inside a coat-

DAVENFORTH: -Goes to check on Lifera again- You need another coat

RILEY: -might be slowing derek a little down by how she's trying to guarantee penny is going with them-

LIFERA: I need. Probubbly. Ten coats.

PENNY: -shuffles with the mayo. she's very tempted to scoop him up like a kid....-

ROXANNE: -Does the fish queen want scarves? She has scarves.-

LIFERA: -YES-

MAYOR: -HE IS AN ELECTED OFFICIAL-

ROXANNE: -Slows her walk enough so that she can distribute them to anyone who wants them.- Life time a knitting finally came in handy. Thank you highschool arts an'crafts.

QIRIN: =Takes a couple small cloth packs out of her sylladex, shakes them up, and hands them over to Lifera.=

QIRIN: Please, take them. They are hand warmers.

ROXANNE: -YOU get a scarf and YOU get a scarf. They are long and thick, and come in a bunch of different colors (Although mostly shades of purple)-

DAVENFORTH: -Uncaptchas his red trench coat and drapes it over Lifera. It's his favorite coat ever. Don't let anything happen to it.-

[Eventually they make it to the clowny congregation. Upon closer inspection, it's almost like... a clown shanty town, if such a thing exists. It's grungy. A chicken is running through the middle of the town. There are people wandering around -- humans in face paint. From one of the tents (maybe) this tune is playing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqEwX9Orp7M

]

HIGHBLOOD: =He's been here the whole time. Staring...... watching......... in disbelief=

ROXANNE: -........Wow. This sure is something.-

LIFERA: -piles all these articles on her body in the walk- Glub... T)(ANK you.

LIFERA: ... -stares at all this-

QIRIN: ^ ^

DEREK: Oh for fucks sake.

DAVENFORTH: No

PENNY: .......

DEREK: Come on guys we leavin.

PENNY: -starts turning her and mayor around in a slow circle-

DEREK: -TURNS HIMSELF AND RILEY AROUND-

DAVENFORTH: Lets go the other way

PENNY: throw that ass in a circle the fuck out.

LIFERA: WAD-----E.

QIRIN: I am inclined to agree.

HIGHBLOOD: =Suddenly....... spiky club=

LIFERA: LOOK. They seem mostly... )(UMAN?

LIFERA: Maybe.

QIRIN: !

DAVENFORTH: Even worse

RILEY: where the hell are we?

LIFERA: It's probubbly some sort of... new jurisdiction.

ROXANNE: -Seconds that !- 

ROXANNE: -Although shes also carrying a gun, she has no room to talk on the weapons front, but seeing a spike wielding giant is a little more intimidating.-

RILEY: oh. hey. big guy. whatcha doing?

LIFERA: -side eyes GHB-

MAYOR: -HIDES HIS EYES-

PENNY: -also hides his eyes. you are safe now.-

HIGHBLOOD: =drapes his rainbow robes over a fence and ominously drags the club right into town= cleanin a stain upon mine religion

QIRIN: ...

TAKODA: -OH YEAH HE'S HERE-

TAKODA: UMMM.

DAVENFORTH: Woah there

TAKODA: TH1S SEEMS L1KE A MOMENT, WHERE 1 M1GHT WANT TO TRY SOME... D1PLOMACY...

ROXANNE: Hhh. Might wanna' try it fast then.

RILEY: -makes a horrified face- wait, what?

ROXANNE: -But no, big clown wont really go smash all these tents up right? RIGHT??-

HIGHBLOOD: =EYEBALLS..... his bro gaizka gets the boink on with this brown he knows......... Hm...... flexes his jaw and holds up a big palm= two minutes. =uncharacteristically sensible...ish=

TAKODA: -smiles, clasping hands together- GREAT! AH... 

TAKODA: LET'S ASK THEM 1F THEY MAYBE... HAVE SOME MODE OF TRANSPORTAT1ON, WE CAN BORROW, OR UH... PURCHASE, 1F NEED BE?

HIGHBLOOD: take.

LIFERA: GLUB.

HIGHBLOOD: i ain't buyin shit from no motherfuckin blasphemors

LIFERA: Let us do something NOW, then, shell we????

RILEY: (is being a juggalo a real religion now?) -very quietly so as not to offend the big guy-

DEREK: (Yeah its a weird troll thing.)

RILEY: (oh my god.)

DAVENFORTH: Thought youd proud to see some like minded thinkers whats wrong big guy

HIGHBLOOD: =Looks down to Davenforth, unamused= ain't likeminded 

HIGHBLOOD: they got shit twisted, i'm inclined as a motherfuck of strong beliefs to untwist them

TAKODA: -bravely tries to address a lady juggalo- JUGGALETTE: -turns around and she's topless- 

TAKODA: OH. YOUR RUMBLE SPHERES. ARE OUT 1N THE OPEN, 1 SEE. 

TAKODA: ... 1SN'T 1T A L1TTLE COLD? -proceeds to try to convince her to put a coat on-

HIGHBLOOD: =That's right..... eat up your time=

LIFERA: -just starts aggressively walking through this village of weird human anger clowns-

DAVENFORTH: -Baybe?-

DAVENFORTH: Looks all the same to me bunch of face paint drowning their lives out in sugar and drugs

RILEY: can't we just steal from them? that would be more fun than killing them.

[Lifera passes by two juggalos taking turns hitting each other in the face with a street sign. You know, just for fun.]

DAVENFORTH: A lot less reserved though

DAVENFORTH: Definitely not as dangerous

RILEY: find me a car and i'll hotwire us out of here.

LIFERA: ...-wtf-...

HIGHBLOOD: it ain't the same and diplomacy's gotta clock 

HIGHBLOOD: don't know what motherfuckin mockery of bullshit this is but i'm fit to stamp it out, you ain't eager to cease my stampins for all the ignorance you spit sos i jive with that at least

LIFERA: -She's looking for any sort of shelter or transport they can use before things get ugly, plus she's freezing.-

QIRIN: =...= ... 

QIRIN: .............

[She eventually comes upon a big party bus. It's all graffiti'd up with weird little symbols of a dude with a hatchet, also covered in what's probably mud and blood...]

DAVENFORTH: If youre gonna stomp out some mostly harmless folks then ill definitely stop that they aint hurtin nobody but themselves

RILEY: (is this really a conversation we're having right now.)

DAVENFORTH: Dont sweat em they aint the issue

LIFERA: -LOUD GLUBBING.- OV-ER )(-ER--------E!

HIGHBLOOD: =He sighs, looking around again at all these humans shitting on his religion, hand flexes on the club= can't stop inevitable broseph 

HIGHBLOOD: but the snake cranium is much preferred =Looks Lifera-ward and starts to drag his club through town again=

DAVENFORTH: -Zips over.-

[The door to the party busy is just... open... A chicken glides out.]

LIFERA: -watches it go...- 

LIFERA: .... I'M S)(OR-E IT'S FIN-E.

LIFERA: 38)

QIRIN: ......

DEREK: Ive traveled in worse conditions.

RILEY: jesus. 

RILEY: i haven't traveled in anything with blood on it. well...not THAT much.

PENNY: lmao Id be surprised if my car DIDNT have blood on it.

PENNY: speaking of which miss you baby.

PENNY: everybody in before I freeze my titties off.

DAVENFORTH: Cover your tits then damn are the juggalos getting to you already

QIRIN: =what is life=

HIGHBLOOD: =Eyeballs the devil settlement= ....... =He'll be back=

DAVENFORTH: -Yells for Takoda-

PENNY: hey I could get down with some free titties.

RILEY: -gets her ass on this bus and takes a seat. her feet hurt and ryan's being rowdy-

TAKODA: HUH? OH. 1T WAS N1CE MEET1NG YOU PLEASE PUT ON A SH1RT-- -runs back over to his FRIENDS-

HIGHBLOOD: =If only everyone wasn't so proactive...... is salty, is seething. Is texting in the back and surprisingly..... not weighing this van down like mofo?=

PENNY: -he's like a bird.... in colorful feathers...-

HIGHBLOOD: =A goose=

HIGHBLOOD: =HO NK=

DAVENFORTH: Koda i nominate you for bus driver

TAKODA: }:D TAKODA: THAT SOUNDS L1KE FUN. -gets in the driver's seat. the keys are just... in there.-

DAVENFORTH: Dont crash us bro -Takes a seat-

LIFERA: -snuggles up with Davenforth almost immediately. WARM HER.-

DAVENFORTH: -Space Heater protocol: Commence-

TAKODA: -once everyone is in... he tries to back up, only to accidentally crash into a tent- WHOOPS. 

TAKODA: 1'VE NEVER DR1VEN A LAND VEH1CLE... W1TH TH1S MUCH CLEARANCE BEFORE. JUST... JUST A SECOND... -forward again, carefully trying to maneuver... backs into another tent.- 

TAKODA: SH1T. UHH... -does this several more times before they can pull out of this spot and drive OUT of the settlement-

RILEY: -JERKS FORWARD and grabs onto the seat in front of her- holy shit.

QIRIN: =clears her throat= Are you sure about this?

HIGHBLOOD: =Good yes=

QIRIN: Takoda?

TAKODA: YES, SORRY. WE SHOULD BE GOOD NOW. }:) -sweats... driving down the road from the now partially demolished settlement. the mirthful messiahs were in GHB's favor.-

RILEY: carry on soldier.

QIRIN: =she's gonna stay awake....just in case....=

HIGHBLOOD: =this is why he's a faithful devote believer... he'll fix this. They know he will=

TAKODA: -turns on the radio and icp is playing... on every station- ... UMM. -the quiet is better anyway. he'll keep driving until somebody requests a stop, but there's at least a bathroom on the bus. it might be the worst thing they've ever seen, but it is a bathroom.-

QIRIN: =sideeyes takoda when the radio comes on=

[exactlywhoyouthinkiwas-blog]

[2/27/2015 6:53:38 PM] Evan: so... [2/27/2015 6:53:39 PM] Evan: sup [2/27/2015 6:57:27 PM] YV??~: Nothing I guess. I stopped working like 2 something hours ago. mostly because a lot of these answers required too much thinking for me to concentrate on it. [2/27/2015 6:57:53 PM] Evan: haha sorry [2/27/2015 6:59:00 PM] YV??~: weh, its fine. [2/27/2015 7:00:17 PM] YV??~: i guess i should ask the same out of courtesy [2/27/2015 7:01:03 PM] Evan: The answer would be pretty similar. Not doin a whole lot at this moment in time. Jus the usual procrastinating while I should be doing Update. [2/27/2015 7:02:27 PM] Evan: How are things going for you? [2/27/2015 7:03:55 PM] YV??~: pretty much the same as last month but with 99% less anyone. exactly the same stuff just theres no one it is only me. i am the one.... who will never get any work done [2/27/2015 7:05:23 PM] YV??~: you? [2/27/2015 7:06:20 PM] Evan: Eh, not the greatest, but it's whatever. [2/27/2015 7:06:28 PM] Evan: How are you liking the silence? [2/27/2015 7:08:04 PM] YV??~: i dont know. i think its kinda annoying that people will say things about how important I am when literally no one talks to me and i just spend most of the time alone. *shrugshrug* [2/27/2015 7:08:24 PM] Evan: Ah. [2/27/2015 7:10:57 PM] Evan: I think a lot of them aren't great at socializing, to be honest. I'm pretty much the same. It's always hard to approach people you don't necessarily know that well since you don't know how they'll feel about it. [2/27/2015 7:11:10 PM | Edited 7:11:18 PM] Evan: I'd guess they're afraid they'd be bothering you? [2/27/2015 7:12:34 PM] YV??~: weh...hell if i fuckin know whats up with people. [2/27/2015 7:13:00 PM] Evan: Yeah. heh [2/27/2015 7:13:36 PM] Evan: It's been pretty slow in the main group lately, though. It seems like most people have split off into smaller, separate groups of people they're more comfortable with. [2/27/2015 7:14:09 PM] YV??~: good for them i guess [2/27/2015 7:14:54 PM] Evan: Indeed. [2/27/2015 7:15:23 PM] Evan: I just kind of wonder if there's anyone you'd still care to hang out with or if you're done with the entire community [2/27/2015 7:17:15 PM] YV??~: Weh, i didnt really come away hating anyone but im wary of jumping back into any space with most of these people lest they say things that make me end up hating my other series as well. [2/27/2015 7:17:57 PM] Evan: Are there just a few people in particular? I know there weren't THAT many involved in that particular conversation. [2/27/2015 7:21:24 PM] YV??~: eh, really anything one person can do the other can do just the same. Its either never talk openly about my work again or never people. I really dont think it would be possible for me to put a gag on all work related statements, so its easier to just forego people altogether [2/27/2015 7:22:37 PM] Evan: I don't think it would be a problem, though. It had been nearly a year before that happened, and it was a very specific situation. [2/27/2015 7:23:04 PM] Evan: Even though they misunderstood you and ended up hurting in the end, they had good intentions. [2/27/2015 7:26:31 PM] Evan: No one can predict things like that happening, but is it worth isolating yourself in case something like that happens again? I don't mean to sound pushy, but I'm kind of worried about you. [2/27/2015 7:30:41 PM] YV??~: Yeah but it ultimately is better i take cautions side. because I dont know, Ive always been alone with minimal friends and I was never 1st choice for any of them. Ive never really gotten angry of fought with people besides my siblings and considering my sister once choked me in my sleep for snoring and i could have actually killed her at one point in some fight, i think that hints at what kind of destructive anger i tend to get. While now i try to point it towards me so as not to harm others something still ends up broken or destroyed. usually art of some kind. [2/27/2015 7:34:28 PM] YV??~: im not saying thats not a nice sentiment but i guess i just wasnt made to be around  people [2/27/2015 7:35:21 PM] Evan: I don't think that's the case at all. [2/27/2015 7:38:38 PM] Evan: For all the time I've been around you, I haven't seen you hit anyone especially hard. You tend to be blunt about things, but I don't think you've hurt anyone. Even when you left the chat was relatively tame during the actual interaction. What's more troubling is you hurting yourself, and I feel like that's primarily what's being accomplished right now. [2/27/2015 7:39:03 PM] Evan: I know I've said this before and you seem to not like it, but you aren't as bad as you think. You still deserve to be happy. [2/27/2015 7:43:56 PM] YV??~: Eh, at this point im used to it. I mean i only ever get people being nice to me and complementing me and id otherwise have nothing to keep them in check or balance them out if i didnt turn the abuse up to 400 on myself. *shrugshrugshrug* [2/27/2015 7:45:07 PM] Evan: Then let me be harsh for a second. [2/27/2015 7:45:09 PM] Evan: That's stupid. [2/27/2015 7:48:11 PM] Evan: People are nice to you because they think you deserve it. No matter how terrible you think you might be on the inside, it's what you project that determines who you are. If you never act on your terrible thoughts, then how can you be considered bad? Even if you have things to work on - as everyone does - you aren't going to make it any easier by hating yourself. [2/27/2015 7:52:18 PM] YV??~: Weh, I mean ultimately i doubt anyone even wants to talk to me anyway. [2/27/2015 7:52:36 PM] Evan: I've been talking to you for the last four hours. [2/27/2015 7:53:44 PM] YV??~: closer to 4 and a half but yes i noticed [2/27/2015 7:54:14 PM] Evan: And I think you're a very unique person with an interesting perspective. [2/27/2015 7:54:45 PM] Evan: Others may not have gotten to know you that well, but I think they'd absolutely want to talk to you as they did. [2/27/2015 7:58:43 PM] YV??~: Well, I mean thats all based on other peoples opinion but i dont think many people get to interested with people who ramble for much too long on one thing. [2/27/2015 7:59:06 PM] Evan: Is that a thing you do? I haven't noticed it. [2/27/2015 8:03:11 PM] YV??~: Well I decided to answer questions that could be a short to the point answer with a paragraph. But there comes a point where, when you frequently find yourself gasping for air in the middle of a word, you begin to question whether you let other people get a word in on something youre interested in, or if its just you talking to yourself. [2/27/2015 8:04:49 PM] Evan: haha [2/27/2015 8:05:14 PM] Evan: I don't think it's as bad as you think it is. Cause there are some people that have it bad, but I've never known you to be one of them. [2/27/2015 8:05:46 PM] Evan: If anything it seems like you didn't talk much at all during the interactions we've had. [2/27/2015 8:06:45 PM] YV??~: I try not to. I usually dont have anything worthwhile to say anyway [2/27/2015 8:07:36 PM] Evan: But the point is I think you do just fine. You could have plenty of friends if you let yourself. [2/27/2015 8:10:53 PM] YV??~: i dont know. People tend not to listen to me even when i do have something to say. Even when i was a wee tot eager to be at school i only ever had one friend until 7th grade. [2/27/2015 8:23:22 PM] Evan: But people CAN'T listen if you don't talk to them. You don't have to make a bunch of friends. Hell, you don't have to make any. But you should be happy, and if being around other people contributes to that, it's absolutely worth doing. And if you play nice enough you might find some people that you really like. [2/27/2015 8:28:31 PM] Evan: And trust me, I know what it's like. [2/27/2015 8:29:32 PM] Evan: Until last year I never had anyone I considered to be a friend. There were people I talked to, and people I sometimes hung out with, but it never lasted more than a few months, or maybe the school year if they happened to be someone in class. [2/27/2015 8:30:25 PM] Evan: It took twenty years for me to make a friend, but it happened. If a social wreck like me can meet people and be happy, I think you have more than a chance. [2/27/2015 8:30:30 PM] Evan: :D [2/27/2015 8:35:49 PM] YV??~: eh. Im really tired of thinking whether or not to go back or whatever, and ive got too much stuff to get done this weekend to worry about it. [2/27/2015 8:36:40 PM] Evan: That's fine. [2/27/2015 8:38:42 PM] Evan: You don't even have to go back to that particular group. Hell, I'm not even in the main chat anymore. But you should go somewhere - find people to talk to and most importantly be happy. [2/27/2015 8:39:12 PM] Evan: Though you've spent a lot of time getting to know us fanime people. So it's certainly a good place to start. [2/27/2015 8:39:41 PM] Evan: I could also probably direct ya toward one of the smaller off-branch groups if that's more your cup. [2/27/2015 8:39:46 PM] Evan: But yeah, good luck with the things. [2/27/2015 8:42:57 PM] Evan: And I know it sounds generic as all hell, but [2/27/2015 8:43:16 PM] Evan: if you ever need to talk to someone - about ANYTHING - I'll be here.