#they are genderfluid when they present as a woman. they are genderfluid when they don't present in the traditional way

[ghostlylulla-by]

was rereading my favourite gender-affirming comic and had to draw her :)

don't tag as Lady Loki my genderfluid soul can't take that

[riddlerosehearts]

while my mind is still on the subject of transfem genderfluid taichi. i very recently got around to reading SSR family and my main takeaway after getting through all the backstage stories for it, and then especially after also reading citron's backstage story for devil maid's holiday, was this:

[casiavium]

All of these "who has more anything gender!" polls are just. white man without extreme body builder muscles v white man without extreme body builder muscles. The gender is "masculine" stop pretending it's universal

[pewcat2]

there is something so gender affirming about writing about yourself in a professional sense and feeling comfortable about switching pronouns throughout the entire blurb

[nonbinarymissdude]

it's so annoying to me i can't present the way i want and act the way i want without people trying to invalidate my gender. i AM a man! men don't have to have any particular body, or features, or behaviors to be men.

[genderqueerdykes]

i've seen too many trans people get comfortable stating that they're uncomfortable around "all strangers who are cishet men." The problem with this statement is you literally cannot discern whether or not they're a cishet man just by looking at that person. you have no clue if that person is a cishet man- the way they dress, act, talk or present themselves does not matter or make a difference.

many, many, MANY transfems do not feel safe dressing or looking feminine and choose to stay in boy mode when in public. that stranger could be gay, bisexual, polyamorous, a closeted trans woman, that stranger could be a trans man, that stranger could be a nonbinary person, a crossdresser, a transsexual, an intersex person, a genderfluid person, a drag performer in or out of drag, or anyone else on the planet. remember that there are in fact trans men who pass so effortlessly that they have a hard time getting people to believe they're trans. just because that person is very masculine does not guarantee that they're AMAB and cis (or het), not that any of these things are inherently bad.

you cannot tell how a stranger identifies just by looking at them, and it is in fact transphobic, transmisogynistic, transandrophobic, and queerphobic in general to assume that every masc person you meet is a cishet man. if we don't like it when strangers make unfair assumptions about our genders, we shouldn't do it to other strangers, either. it will never be okay to make assumptions about strangers based off of their bodies, and it will never be okay to imply that people with certain body types are inherently dangerous or unsafe to be around, or "couldn't possibly be queer."

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hello!

I wanted to ask a question, if that's okay. So, I'm genderfluid afab and feel like a man sometimes (probably more often than I allow myself to realise). I don't have access to a Binder or anything of that sort (transphobic parents).

Is there any way for me to look/be more masculine? I'm a bit scared of goggling because I don't want to accidentally take advice from Tate people or the like.

(PS. I really like your Siegfried Farnon cosplay!)

Heya!

This is a tough one to answer. Because "masculine" means different things to different people. And "passing", as well.

Like. When I wear my fleece jacket and baseball cap, I'm deliberately passing as a certain type of man. But I felt more masculine the other day wearing an ascot.

So, I think we need to break down this question:

1) If you're looking to pass, there are going to be trans masc guides out there that will direct you to a very particular gender presentation. They tend to assume you are white and skinny. They present themselves as a list of Dos and Do-Nots, and at the end of the day, do more harm than good, imo. Because passing guides are almost always about hiding parts of yourself physically, often to the expense of hiding parts of your psyche.

Seek them out if you must, but when it comes to passing for safety, all I can suggest is ambiguous layers, a hat, keeping your head down and your mouth shut. The best way to pass is to not draw attention to yourself, alas.

2) If you're looking to dress more masculine to alleviate gender dysphoria, then you need to drill down to what makes you dysphoric and start there. My smaller feet is one area of contention for me, so I look for semi-dressy shoes that look long and elegant (like Taft boots). Since you can't get a binder, consider layers, if your chest bothers you.

3) If you're looking to dress more masculine to seek gender euphoria, then figure out your aesthetic masculine ideal. Make a pinboard of Looks you enjoy and see if there are trends. Some folks are drawn to athletic wear. Work wear. Perhaps a vintage aesthetic -- Rockabilly. 90s grunge. 1940s British country vet (meeeee, lol).

Ask yourself: What are the hallmarks of this style? Are there casual and formal versions? How does it change seasonally? How much of it is clothing and how much of it is the body (haircut, being muscular, etc)? And above all - what is this style trying to communicate to others?

Once done, see what sort of fashion tips are out there for your style. Who are the fashion experts and how much do you care about their advice? (Menswear guy has great tips about how a modern suit "should" fit, but a lot of his advice is also personal preference with a big dollop of classism.)

Pay close attention to how men wear their clothes -- where they sit on the body, how they style the outfit. Compare how a man is styled in your preferred look to how a woman is styled and see what that sparks in you. How much of it is the clothing or body? How much is posture? You might discern some visual shorthand you can harness to be read as more masculine. You might also come up with ways to have plausible deniability around your parents by being able to pivot a masculine look to be more feminine, when needed.

After all this research, get yourself to a thrift shop or other second hand option and start experimenting. Buying actual men's clothing is probably going to be your best bet, but depending on your Look Book, that may not always be the case.

No one can tell you how to feel more masculine -- that really needs to come from within. Once you figure that out, then it's a matter of reconciling your ideal look with the peculiarities of your body. (And all men have their own challenges wrt the fit of clothes.)

Afford yourself as much grace as possible when it comes to your body. And again, remember that feeling more masculine and passing more masculine may not always overlap and could even be at odds. And only you can determine if and when that is a problem.

[saffigon]

I'm a trans man and I'm having a hard time understanding one of your posts.

How can trans Men be lesbian? The definition of lesbian is non-man loving non-man.

I understand he/him lesbians, because pronouns don't equal gender.

But to me calling a trans man a lesbian for liking women seems... against the whole point. Wouldn't that be against their gender identity, since lesbian is non men loving non men?

I am genuinely trying to understand this and don't mean to come off as rude. I am also in the lgbtq community, I'm bisexual and transgender. I try to get your points.

Also if I understood the entire post wrong, MB. I'm just trying to make sure i can accept everyone.

Trans men have had a connection to the lesbian community for decades. The line between butch and transmasc "non-man" lesbian and male lesbian is blurry sometimes. If you want historical evidence, Alison Bechdel has some comic strips from the 1980s and 1990s where male lesbians are present. Trans men who like women often identify as lesbians before they realize they're trans, and so they have an established connection to the lesbian community and continue to identify with it as they transition. Some also feel that their attraction to women is inherently queer and don't really feel like their attraction is "straight". Not all straight men identify as lesbians or lesboys, obviously, but it's an option for those who feel like it applies to them.

Also, "non-man" and "non-woman" just create a new binary that's exorsexist and based in racist ideology if applied generally. Not everyone fits neatly into the "non-man" or "non-woman" categories. Multigender people, for example, may be both man and woman, and don't fit into "non-man" or "non-woman" neatly. To say a multigender person who is both man and woman is "non-man" or "non-woman" erases at least half of their identity. Or demigender people who identify with a binary gender can be both not that binary gender and that binary gender. So saying a demiman is "non-man" is to erase their identity as a man and to say they're exclusively "non-man" is to erase their identity as nonbinary. This is also true for genderfluid and genderflux people who are sometimes completely binary men. To say they're exclusively "non-man" is to erase their identity as a man and to say they're exclusively "man" is to erase their identity as nonbinary.

Post by @this-is-exorsexism and @our-lesboy-experience found here

I'm white so I'm mostly going to point to this post by @moonshinedyke to explain the racism surrounding "nonman" and "nonwoman" as terms. Historically, "nonman" and "nonwoman" have been used to degender Black people and the term also degenders Two-Spirit people. As he points out in the post, it's fine to use the definitions for your own attraction, but using them to define the label as a whole is antiblack.

This isn't to like shame you or anything, just to give explanations and resources as to some things. I would recommend checking out the @/our-lesboy-experience blog to learn more about lesboys in general. This Carrd also has a good amount of information.

As for my own experiences, lesbian was the first queer identity I had. I started identifying as a lesbian since I was about 12. I realized I was trans when I was about 15. I've strayed away from the lesbian label because I felt it was "too gendered" both in definition and in the association. As I've gotten older, I've started to connect with the lesbian community again and feel comfortable identifying as a butch lesbian alongside being a trans man. My girlfriend identifies as a bi lesbian, and we consider our relationship both to be a lesbian one and to be a straight one. My attraction to women is both lesbian and straight and it fluctuates between what it is from day to day. I also identify as bigender and have some connection to lesbian identity because of my gender identity being a little funky.

A better definition of lesbian would be queer attraction to women. It includes people of all gender identities and is generally a good faith way to understand lesbianism.

[cardentist]

Fam how can one be trans in the direction of their assigned sex? I'm not even trying to make the idea sound ridiculous or anything. I'm genuinely curious and want to understand. I thought the whole meaning of trans was that you feel or act in the opposite direction of your assigned sex; if you're transfem but you're afab then to me that's just cisgender??? But like please explain to me how that's not the case if that's what you and others strongly feel so I may grow my compassion

Context: [Link]

well ! while I personally am not intersex, I DO want to highlight intersex people first and foremost.

gender and sex are very Very complex, and I think generally people don't consider the way that being intersex can play a big role in that!

there are intersex people who are afab who are also trans women, there are intersex people who are amab who are trans men, there are intersex people with many Many different relationships with sex and gender and anywhere in between !

an afab person can be born with masculine sex characteristics and transition the way trans women often do. that person May identify as trans, they may not ! that trans person may not even consider themselves a woman depending on who they are and what they want !

I Do think there needs to be an effort to be aware of and make space for intersex people within the trans community, and really the wider queer community as a whole. as it's often something that's given a footnote without deeper thought into the ways that intersex people Actually interact with our communities.

which I don't blame people for not already knowing ! that's the whole point of trying to educate people in the first place ^^

.

and as for Myself

labels are, ultimately, a form of gender presentation. what you call yourself is an extension of not only how you see yourself, but how Other People perceive you.

I could call myself nonbinary or I could call myself trans masc, and both would be Accurate. but people have certain traits and expectations and associations when they see those labels. there are assumptions made about the kind of life that I live, the things that I want, the things I might experience, that change depending on which labels that I use.

and that's not Inherently a bad thing ! I mean, that's part of why people Like labels. but it Can be a struggle for people whose gender is Funny.

I could Also describe myself as genderqueer or multi-gender or genderfluid or gnc or-. I've tried on lots and lots of labels, and for the most part I haven't thrown any of them out, I just keep them in a box under my bed and take them out when relevant.

I've been wrestling with the feminine aspect of my identity for a very Very long time. I've been aware that I'm some level of trans masc. that part was easy. I want a deeper voice, I want things about my body to change, I don't want people to look at me and see a cis woman.

but I Also like femininity. I've found that after accepting myself as trans masc and slowly growing an environment where I am Perceived as masculine, I've started getting euphoria at presenting femininely in the Same way that I did (and do!) get about presenting masculinely.

but that feeling doesn't carry over when I'm perceived as a cis woman. it's Quite Uncomfortable for obvious gender reasons.

and while I may not know the exact Words that I'd use to describe it (as I've said, I've been chewing on it for Many years now), I've gotten a clearer idea of how I Feel.

I want to be Visibly trans. I want to be perceived masculinely And femininely. I want to transition masculinely to present femininely (and sometimes butch, sometimes like your dad at the ace hardware store, I contain multitudes).

and of course, figuring out what I have going on has involve a lot of exploration ! it's the same way I figured out the whole trans masc thing in the first place. seeking out other trans people and other Things About trans people feeling things out.

I find ! that I have a lot of shared experiences with transfeminine people. both in how I feel about certain things, some of the presentation that I want, and in how people would React To said presentation.

my femininity Is Trans, I don't relate to cis womanhood. but I Do relate to trans femininity. which is really awkward for me, because it's difficult to describe it to other people fjksldljkasfdjklfasd

(I don't personally consider myself a trans woman mind, but I'm certain there Are people who are trans men and trans women at the same time. gender is complicated, sex is complicated. labels are malleable and sometimes situational)

Could I describe myself with a different label? probably ! I've got lots of them. but when I Don't put emphasis on this aspect of myself people assume that it's not there. insist that it Couldn't be there, and I don't know what I'm talking about. and those people who Would act nasty towards me probably aren't gonna change their mind just because I changed my bio. but it feels Nice to assert that aspect of myself when other people are trying to tear it down.

.

part of me feels like I should post the intersex portion of this by itself, because people tend to engage more with shorter posts and there's nothing Short about my gender situation ljkfdasjkls

but ! I dunno, if this makes even one person understand the gray areas of gender and presentation a little more it'll be worth it.

thank you for taking the time to ask ! and especially for doing so kindly ! I do hope you'll see this

[olderthannetfic]

I don't get my fandom. They want more queer rep. The main cast is a bisexual femme woman with a preference for women, an aroace gender-indifferent AMAB man, a genderfluid all-pronouns using AMAB person with a beard who wears a dress, and a biromantic asexual bigender AMAB man who is agender + male. The supporting cast has a lesbian girl, a middle-aged ace het woman living semi-romantically with another woman who is the main cast's (emotional) adoptive mom, and a ambiguously queer character whose gender is never really confirmed or discussed.

A big criticism I also see is "the writing team is all cishet". One, we don't know that, someone could be closeted. Two, why is that a problem? I think it's great that they went, "this makes sense for who this character is. We don't have to force them to be cishetallo just because that's what you normally see in animation. Web animation can be different. This is who this person is and that's fine."

I'm 19. I talked to my half brother, who is 38, about this and he actually choked on his coffee. He said when he was my age, nothing like this was easily accessible for him. It would have been jaw-dropping representation for him. I asked about the writers being cishetallo and he said, "who fucking cares? I would've moved Heaven and Earth to see these characters hanging out and just fucking existing back then!"

I know you get a metric fuckton of asks, but I'd love to hear your take on this. You've been in the queer community way longer than I have (I've barely started interacting with queer people IRL; I grew up in rural Wyoming) and I do wonder what this debacle looks like to people in other age groups. I'd also be curious to know what older people would've thought if they'd seen this friend group in media when they were younger. I know it means a lot to me. But I feel like I don't get what it would have meant back then.

--

Well, written up like this, it might get an eye-roll for sounding like Captain Planet casting. (You know "One of A and one of B and one of C" in a way that feels kind of forced.)

But yes, I think most older queer people when looking at the actual canon would be like "Sweet! A cast full of queer characters!"

I grew up somewhere shockingly liberal for the 90s next door to some old, married lesbians (who still live there, as it happens). It still sucked for teenagers. I had an okay time, but I was always hearing about other teens having an awful time even as the adults in the same communities did okay. And that's a very, very good version of what it was like in the 90s.

I did have access to queer media, vastly more access than most teens had. It was still mostly art films, boring coming out memoir, and The Pain of Being a Minority serious literature. What I wanted was genre fiction with a romance b-plot between queer characters I found hot. There was a bit of that, but not much.

I don't know that I personally would have killed for the exact set of queer rep in a modern show, but that makes sense. There are plenty of identities that present about the same but where people have internal reasons for choosing one or another. There are different forces making one queer identity or another more embattled at a given point in time. So while broadly similar queer people have always existed, there actually are fads in identity to an extent. (This is different from "wharrgarbl, the blue hairs with their pronouns!!!", which is just people being ahistorical assholes.) Modern media does and should reflect these differences. It might be for me, but it's going to be for 40-something me, not teenage me if it's coming out right now. If it's for current teens, it's not for teen me.

But yeah, in a general sense, I agree with your brother: "Damn, we have so much today! That's cool!"

The kvetching is usually people being angry that it's not representing their exact slice of queerness instead of someone else's. Or, let's be honest, a lot of it is "You didn't make my ship happen! How dare?!" dressed up as activism.

...

One thing I will say is that teenagers were extremely dramatic in my day too, and black-and-white thinking was just as common. Looking a gift horse in the mouth is not new. Yes, your fandom is full of idiots, but I wouldn't read too much into it.

[jcollinswrites]

Narmer (m) is a man in his late thirties. He led several successful military campaigns to liberate and unify Egypt. For that, most people think of him as a fierce, unyielding protector of the kingdom, but his unbending attitude has earned him a lot of enemies as well. In his private moments, he tends to be a soft-spoken, gentle person. He's very tall, with a strong, muscular build, due to two decades of harsh military service. He most often shaves his light brown hair to the scalp. He has heavily freckled, golden brown skin with countless of scars, and very dark brown, almost black eyes.

Qenna (selectable gender m/f) seems to be a living enigma with their dubious role in the royal palace, and secretive background. At first glance, they look to be somewhere between thirty and forty, but it's hard to tell. They tend to talk a lot, but never about themselves. Despite their self-destructive tendencies, the king relies on them a lot, and seems to hold them in relatively high regard. They are on the shorter side of average height, with messy, dark hair. Their skin is a deep sandy brown with darker circles around their hazel eyes.

Zaia (selectable gender m/f, genderfluid) is Qenna's guardian spirit with a lightning essence. Like most spirits, Zaia is not overly social, preferring to turn invisible when they don't want being talked to. Zaia and Qenna have a bickering sibling-like relationship. Their exact age is unknown even to them. They are a shape-shifter, but they prefer to appear as a person of lean build, with average height, and caramel brown skin. Their hair reaches the middle of their back in dark, loose curls. Their eyes are matte and dark, entirely devoid of life.

Tabiry (f) is a medjay who used to serve as a royal bodyguard, but she recently gave up the position to be able to spend more time with her family. She is a dependable, hardworking woman in her late twenties. With lean, carefully built muscles, she is a force to be reckoned with. She likes to keep a manicured appearance with colorful makeup that compliments her dark skin, and she wears her long hair in jeweled braids. Off-duty, she doesn't have an intimidating presence with her above average height, but in armor, she's very hard to ignore.

Ahmose (selectable gender m/f) is Narmer's 18 year old child. They are still looking for their own path through life, especially regarding their own future. Ahmose is highly educated, very curious, and a generally cheerful person. They have a good relationship with their father despite the latter's lack of time for them, and they think of Qenna as the member of their family. They are tall in height, have a lean and athletic physique, wavy brown hair, golden skin, and a dazzling smile.

Non-romanceable main characters:

Hudjefa (m) (for priest origin only)

Hudjefa is the man that was… not exactly a father figure for you when you were a child because he's only a decade older than you, but maybe a big brother figure. He taught you most of what you know in your profession, and he also taught you how to be a much better person than what you were set out for before you came to his temple.

Petepihu 'Pihu' (f) (for child of the vizier origin only)

Ah, dear Pihu. Your older sister has always been the bane of your existence. With her delightfully arrogant personality, you two have never quite gotten along. Fortunately, ever since she moved in with her husband, the Theban governor, she has become a lot less present in your life. The distance definitely helped mellow your relationship into what you would call 'tolerance'.

Nedjemut (f) (for captain origin only)

Nedjemut is your biological mother. She is a tough, no-nonsense woman whose attitude left a mark on you as well when you were a child. Fortunately, the warmth she could never give you was compensated by her wife's nurturing and cheerful nature. When Nedjemut lost an arm in the line of duty, she was forced into an early retirement and you inherited her position as Captain of the Theban Guard.

Ramesses 'Sesi' (m) (for thief origin only)

Sesi is your childhood friend, your occasional partner-in-crime, and you two have a sibling-like relationship. You grew up on the same street with a gaggle of other children, yet he is the only one you still keep in contact with. He is around the same age as you, has short brown hair, and dark eyes. He is very thin, although he started getting a bit stronger ever since he started working as a courier.

For help with pronunciations, visit this link.

[sexygaywizard]

hi so um. i recently started questioning if i was genderfluid (which in my many years of questioning my gender i never actually considered) and then i saw a post from you and thought "i should ask the sexygaywizard himself for some advice"

basically i can't tell if i my gender is actually fluid, or if it's my self-expression that's changing. like do i just wanna dress butch or do i wanna be a man for lil while?

so i was wondering if you had any advice or like experiences that might help with that :) i know everyone probably feels it a bit differently but i know a less abt genderfluidity than nb/transness so i thought i should get some perspectives on it

To me it's a very internal thing, some days I feel more masc and some days more fem. I pretty much never feel fully like a man or a woman, I just kind of float between various shades of nonbinary. So you don't have to feel a drastic change in your gender from day to day. My slider generally operates between edgy mallrat tboy to femme camp queen and when I change up my presentation, it helps validate the gender I was already feeling, rather than the other way around. Gender is a feeling so like, when you put on masc clothes, do you just like how it looks? Or does it make you feel different internally? For me, it affects how I stand, how I talk, etc etc various things about my presentation bc it's all part of the various differences in gender that I'm feeling that day.

At the same time, I think it's also cool to just like call yourself a label for a while and see how it makes you feel. It's not like there are gender cops who are going to arrest you if it turns out you don't like the label you're free to try stuff on and discard it if you think it doesn't fit.

[walker-lister]

The way RTD has handled the Thirteenth Doctor's legacy so far makes me really uneasy, to be honest. And I don't mean plot elements (it's really positive that he's leaning into the timeless child so much so far!), I mean how (imo) Jodie's doctor reconfigured who the Doctor can be and who can see themselves in the Doctor.

Her doctor is the first 'woman doctor' but that is not to consign her, nor is it to put assumptions on who her doctor might/should be. The understanding of what 'woman' means felt reconfigured, expanded upon- she's an alien, she's not going to play by the rules some humans love to put on such a designator! It's a possibility not compulsory, a jumping off point for fluid ideas about the self. Her costume is a recognisable representation of this idea- intended by Jodie to be genderfluid, for anyone to wear. It is both inclusive and expansive, beyond binary (there's so much I could say about her performance to which this also applies).*

So, RTD seemingly not understanding this, or perhaps not willing to stand by this decision and instead bowing to how bigots might react (so putting their binary, restricted understanding ahead of those who celebrated Jodie's doctor and felt represented by her in importance?), and getting rid of her costume feels... disheartening.

So yeah, I'm uneasy about how 13 might be referenced or represented in any way going forward. It's usually fun when a current doctor references a past self, but so far, 13's costumes been incinerated and RTD's dropped in some really (imo) stupid jokes about 'the woman doctor.' We've seen very little of his tenure yet, and I don't want to put my cart before my horses but it's not a great start.

It gives the impression that he took his own understanding of what the 'woman doctor' should mean as his compass rather than engaging with Jodie's doctor, honestly. We shall see, and I want to be optimistic, but it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

*This is not to say that the doctors that came before Jodie don't also offer sights of reconfiguration. I really like that her predecessors, to some extent, also break down ideas about male-presenting characters. But her doctor is a clear break with the status quo (she's not portrayed by a cis, white man)

[cinderella-ish]

Fruits Basket Queer Headcanons

The more I watch and read Fruits Basket, the more I get the sense that no one is straight here. Well... almost no one. So, in honor of pride month, here are my queer headcanons for the cast of Fruits Basket!

(Disclaimer that these are my own personal headcanons, obviously nothing official, etc... I try to draw on evidence from the text, but I'll admit I'm occasionally going purely off vibe. Also, I'm bi and genderfluid, so that's the lens I'm bringing to this. I'd love to hear your headcanons, especially if they differ from mine! Enjoy!)

Genderfluid and/or genderqueer: Ayame and Ritsu

I (probably somewhat controversially) think a lot of the gender non-conformity among Fruits Basket characters is just that: gender non-conformity. Momiji is one example; he dresses in girls' clothing (though not "like a girl") until his growth spurt, but it seems important to him to be seen as a man from at least that point forward.

Ritsu is someone whose gender identity and/or nonconformity really should've been explored more in the manga - as written, it feels like Ritsu's exploration of gender was viewed as something he'd grow out of, rather than a search for understanding himself. He doesn't really seem to mind being identified as either male or female, though he obviously feels a lot of shame about his comfort with wearing women's clothes (though no one around him when we meet him really seems to mind, which is nice-- I also appreciate that Ritsu was shown to have friends who adore him outside of the Sohmas). Anyway, the fact that he seems okay with being referred to as both a man and a woman is the entire basis for this headcanon.

Ritsu also idolizes Ayame, and I think part of this stems from Ayame's own security in his non-traditional gender presentation. We don't really get a lot of Ayame's thoughts on gender, despite his line of work, but he strikes me as the sort of person who would enjoy playing with his own gender presentation and would be more than open to exploring his gender identity (and probably has!). I think Ayame would lean more toward having an expansive view of masculinity rather than dressing more feminine when he feels more feminine, but I also think he would embrace the different ways people might perceive his gender.

Transgender Woman: Akito Sohma

This I think is quite clear in canon. Akito was assigned male at birth, then transitioned to female.

What makes it hard for some people to see Akito as trans is that the reason she was assigned male at birth was not the typical reason people are assigned male at birth in our world (it was her mother's demand, rather than a guess based on the shape of her genitals), but I don't think that makes her any less trans.

Under the Ace and/or Aro Umbrellas

This umbrella is a little tricky for several of these characters, because they've been forbidden from dating, or had very controlling parents, or thought they'd only hurt anyone they loved, so they haven't necessarily had time to figure out whether they've just repressed that part of themselves or they just don't experience attraction at all/without a strong emotional connection first. (Not everyone needs time to figure that out, though!) But anyway, here's who I think would eventually find themselves under at least one of these umbrellas!

Asexual/Aromantic: Kazuma

I love the tidbit that Kazuma tried dating women, but talked so much about Kyo that he never got a second date. I like the interpretation of him as a gay man, but to me, he reads as asexual/aromantic. Dating just doesn't even seem to be on his radar!

Demisexual/Demiromantic: Kyo, Shigure, Machi

A lot of the fandom sees Kyo as demi, and I'm totally here for that interpretation of him. He generally seems annoyed by or frightened of girls who aren't Tohru (frightened either when there's a risk of transforming, or when Kagura is involved). Also, it's CUTE that Kyo takes after his dad (Kazuma) in this way.

At first blush, it seems very unlikely Shigure is under the ace umbrella, but I couldn't stop thinking about his brief relationship with Mayu. He's the one who suggested they date, yet he seemed completely disinterested in her. He did sleep with Ren, but that was only for revenge and because he imagined Akito would look like her if she'd been allowed to grow up as a woman. I genuinely believe all his "high school girls" ickiness was an act, much like most of his personality.

It doesn't seem like Machi can totally tell if/when she likes something (or someone!). This makes me wonder if she's just never had feelings for anyone before Yuki.

Demiromantic: Rin, Hiro

Rin seems open to sexual relations with people other than Haru, but I genuinely can't see her having romantic feelings for anyone other than him. I see Hiro similarly with respect to Kisa. I think, if they ever split, it would take an extremely long time for him to even be open to falling for someone else.

Under the Bi/Pan+ Umbrella

So, I'm not making a distinction between these two (and other orientations that fall under the same umbrella, like poly- or omnisexual) because that seems like a very personal, internal conversation. I know some people make a distinction between the way bi and pan people experience attraction, but some don't, and that feels too prescriptivist for my purposes here. So, these are characters who I think experience attraction to multiple genders!

Tohru obviously falls for Kyo, but she also thinks Akito is cute, she thinks Rin is "shapely" and "beautiful" (her words!), and she goes along with it when Saki talks about them getting married.

Yuki ends up with Machi (and I love them together!) but I think Kyo was his first crush. His arc is also very relatable for a lot of queer folks (myself included!). And he's a disaster. Long live bisexual disaster Yuki Sohma!

Shigure is tricky, because the flirtation between him and Ayame could just be a joke, but I personally think it's a joke that arose out of some fun nights spent together...

Akito obviously likes men, but she also flirts with Tohru when they first meet.

Saki talks about marrying both Tohru and Kazuma. She's probably joking about Kazuma, but she's generally a very literal person, so I don't think she's joking about Tohru. She also marries a foreigner canonically, and that foreigner is probably a man.

Momiji talks about finding an amazing sweetheart-- not an amazing wife or girlfriend!!-- one day. I think he was being very intentional in not specifying his future partner's gender.

Hatori is the one I feel least sure of, but my headcanon is that he gets so annoyed and embarrassed by Shigure and Ayame because he doesn't want anyone to know he was totally part of at least a few of those trysts...

Mutsuki and Hajime are definitely together, right? And it seems like the fandom mostly sees Mutsuki as bi, which... yeah, that tracks.

Hatsuharu's first love was Yuki, and his last love was Rin.

Kakeru has a girlfriend, but for some reason, I have it in my head that he always refers to Kyo as Yuki's "hot cousin"? Did I just imagine that? Anyway... even if I did make that up, I think his backstory is a great analogy for the experience of coming out. He was trying to fit in a box and decided he was done with it. Pure chaotic bi energy.

For Ayame, see Shigure and Hatori above. (Also, “I am a bottom ALL THE WAY!!!”)

Mine is admittedly here just based on vibes.

Mitsuru likes Ritsu even though she's not entirely sure of Ritsu's gender!

Kimi is also here purely based on vibes.

Gay and Lesbian

Hiroshi has always struck me as gay. I can't really explain it. I usually have absolutely awful gaydar, so it's odd that he gives me such clear gay vibes. I wrote him as gay in my longfic, Bloom Within Us, and I'll probably always write him as gay.

President Takei obviously has a crush on Yuki. We don't really see him show interest in anyone else (partially because he's such a minor character). He also seems to still be a bachelor in Another, which could be because he can't legally marry yet...

My headcanon that Kunimitsu is gay kind of popped up as I was writing Bloom Within Us. There's no particular reason, and he doesn't give me strong gay vibes or anything.

Hajime and Mutsuki are definitely a couple! (Right?!) And it seems like most of the fandom sees Hajime as gay which... yeah, I can get behind that.

Akimoto (Arisa's senpai from her gang) is another character who gives me such strong vibes that I thought it was canon that she was a lesbian. Whoops. Anyway, I headcanon that Akimoto is gay, and referenced that in one of my oneshots.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Controversial omission: Arisa Uotani. She says she likes Kureno because he reminds her of Tohru, but she doesn't like Tohru? Yes, she gives me major queer vibes but this to me points to her being straight. Also, based on the way she reacts to her friends developing crushes or falling in love (and the way they react to her falling in love), I don't think there's anything between her and Saki or her and Tohru (as much as I love fics that pair her with Saki!). I also think not every relationship with lots of physical affection and strong feelings of love has to be romantic.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading my queer headcanons! This has been in my drafts for months, so I'm really glad Pride Month gave me a reason to finish this post!

Happy Pride!

[princess-spock]

Pronouns and Gender in the Good Omens Universe

Neil recently said: “Angels aren't humans or mortals. They don't have genders. There isn't a pronoun you can use for them that's wrong, and unless you can speak in the tongue of the angels there's not a pronoun you can use for them that's actually right. Ditto Demons.”

Obviously, no one's going to debate Neil's pronouncements about the series! The thing is, though, that CONSISTENT gendered pronouns are used in the book, and in the series, and by Neil himself when referring to these characters. There's significant gray area here, no matter how you slice it. So...

(Who are we? 

@Princess-Spock: I'm non-binary, specifically genderfluid. My pronouns are they/them for simplicity. My primary gender is agender, and is aroace; I have a wide range of other genders and sexualities. 

@Twilightcitysky: I’m an allosexual, queer, cis woman with a background in healthcare, specifically sexual/reproductive health and mental health.)

Pronouns, ideally, should reflect gender… but what is gender? Gender is something we feel inside our heads. For most people, that matches up with their genitals… But not always!

Genitals do NOT determine gender!

Therefore:

A transwoman is a WOMAN, regardless of what genitals she has.

A transman is a MAN, regardless of what genitals he has.

A non-binary person is non-binary regardless of what genitals they have.

A genderfluid person might sometimes have gender that matches their genitals, but at least part of the time does not. (A gender that varies in intensity rather than going between genders is genderflux, not genderfluid.)

A couple of those terms need to be clarified: 

• Non-binary means not having a “binary gender,” in other words not being one of the 2 most familiar genders, “exclusively male all the time” or “exclusively female all the time.” (Remember, bi = 2.) Non-binary does NOT mean being genderless! A non-binary person could be genderless/agender… or they might have partial gender, mixed genders, fluctuating genders (fluid or flux), xenogender, or non-specific gender.

Note: Not all non-binary people use they/them. Like everyone else, they get to choose their own pronouns. It's never acceptable to assign pronouns of your choosing to them, or to assume that they must be they/them without confirmation. 

• Genderfluid means having a gender that changes periodically; a genderfluid person can have any number (other than 1) or combination of genders. The gender of a genderfluid person might change after a few minutes, or after hours, days, even months. Genderfluidity refers to gender ONLY; it does NOT refer to changes in presentation. 

And what is presentation, aka gender presentation or gender expression? It’s what gender a person chooses to portray with their appearance. This can include choosing whether to wear male or female clothing, shoes and accessories… hair length and style… whether or not makeup is used… whether or not body shaping garments are worn, such as a binder to flatten the breasts, or padding to create curves... and whether or not there is facial hair, whether naturally grown or otherwise. If someone has a presentation that differs from their biological sex, they might be trans, or it could be cosplay, drag, cross-dressing, a costume, being gender non-conforming (GNC), as a sociopolitical statement (eg butch lesbians), or just for fun. 

Presentation does NOT determine gender!

Some people are forced to wear whatever their culture dictates. Or whatever their family will accept. GNC people choose to not wear clothing that conforms to their gender. For some people, presentation is irrelevant, and they just wear whatever is easiest. 

Because there are no elements of presentation that are specifically for any of the non-binary genders, non-binary people are typically left with some form of androgynous or GNC presentation. (@Princess-Spock: it's REALLY tricky to create a look that is neither male nor female, especially for those who, like me, don’t reshape their bodies.) 

If a genderfluid person's gender changes when they aren't near their closet, their presentation might not match their gender, even if they’d prefer it to. Sometimes it's a matter of what they can afford; not everyone has the luxury of having multiple wardrobes. (@Princess-Spock: For those of us who are fortunate to have little or no dysphoria, we might skip customizing our presentation much of the time, just for simplicity.)

And just FYI:

Sexual orientation does NOT determine gender!

Specific to the fandom, there is no connection whatsoever between being asexual and being genderless/agender, or to not possessing genitals. Just because someone belongs in one of those categories does NOT mean or even suggest that they belong in the other categories. It is absolutely positively NOT correct to suggest that angels and demons are asexual simply because they don't have gender and/or genitals. (They might still be ace, of course!)

A few useful terms (these are not complete descriptions by any means):

• Asexual, sometimes abbreviated as ace, is a spectrum of sexual orientations in which a person feels little or no sexual attraction to anyone. Being asexual does NOT necessarily mean being aromantic. Also, being asexual does NOT mean not having sexual feelings, or not having and enjoying sex, although these things are true for those who are sex-averse.

• Aromantic is a spectrum of romantic attractions in which a person feels little or no romantic attraction to anyone. Being aromantic does NOT necessarily mean being asexual. And an aromantic person can still make loving connections, exchange affection like kissing or holding hands, and of course still have sex.

• Aroace refers to people who are both asexual and aromantic.

How does all this apply to the Good Omens universe? In the book, it says, “angels are sexless unless they really want to make an effort”; Neil has referred to this for the series as well. Canon isn't explicit, but most of us interpret this as, "they don’t have genitals unless they choose to." Lack of GENITALS is then often wrongly seen as lack of GENDER. Neil said, "Neither the angels nor the demons, as far as I’m concerned, are actually gendered as humans are." But, he uses human gender terms; Crowley is genderfluid, angels are non-binary (it seems like he means that they’re genderless, but that's NOT what non-binary means). Confusingly, in a 2018 post, he said:

"The angels and demons in Good Omens aren’t human, they aren’t male (nor are they female). Not that they couldn’t be male etc if they wanted to make that effort. As it says in Good Omens: ‘For those of angel stock or demon breed, size, and shape, and composition, are simply options’."

That sure looks like, YES, they CAN have gender!  

More confusingly, Neil also says that his personal headcanon is NOT canon, canon is only what's in the book and the series... and none of this appears in either place. This makes the gender and thus pronoun issues a tad ambiguous. We agree 100% with Neil that people should embrace their headcanons and allow others to do the same, and so use whatever pronouns they want, and allow others to do the same. Here's how WE see Crowley and Aziraphale's genders and pronouns:

It is absolutely impossible, by definition, for a genderfluid person to be genderless ALL the time. Therefore, if Crowley is genderfluid, he MUST have gender at least part of the time! (And if he can have gender, so can all other angels and demons!) 

When Mrs. Sandwich tells Crowley that he's a good lad, and he responds that he's neither, that's in line with what most genderfluid people would say; having a gender some days but not others is different from BEING that gender. Crowley has chosen a male body (male genitals, hairy chest), facial hair, generally masculine attire, and male pronouns, so it's reasonable to assume that his chosen gender is male most of the time. 

We assume that he was female when he chose to wear female clothing (an abaya) in the crucifixion scene. He may also have been female during his stint as Nanny Ashtoreth, but that might have just been presentation.

During the scene where he's in heaven in S2, he has a non-binary presentation; the tracksuit is androgynous, and the accessories (headband, sparkly gold tie, fingernails, and toenails) are feminine. He might be experiencing a non-binary gender at this time.

(@Princess-Spock: Genderfluidity is very complicated. Even when Crowley "looked" female, he might have been experiencing a variety of different genders; remember, neither genitals nor presentation determine gender! In fact, since Crowley had adopted a female appearance out of necessity, not because that was his true gender at that time, he might even never have actually BEEN female during the time he was "looking" female!)  

What about Aziraphale? He has all the “male stuff” that Crowley does (facial and chest hair, deep voice, etc). He has an unwaveringly masculine presentation; his hair is ALWAYS short throughout history (even when Gabriel’s is long), and his sartorial choices are traditionally and formally male (pocket watch on a chain, French cuffs with cufflinks), with no hint of the modern androgyny of jeans and T-shirts… strong evidence that his chosen gender is male. 

Neil always refers to Aziraphale and Crowley as he/him (he stated that Crowley was presenting female as Nanny Ashtoreth and at the crucifixion, but no pronoun is used either time). The book and the script book always refer to Aziraphale and Crowley as he/him. Aziraphale and Crowley always refer to each other as he/him. Michael and David have always referred to Aziraphale and Crowley as he/him. So, he/him is our personal choice. 

What about the pronouns of other supernatural characters? 

Beelzebub: 

He/him in the book. She/her in the script book. For S1, Neil said, “I don’t think there were any. Probably Zzzzzzir.” They/them for S2 (“but they're always such a little ray of sunshine” in E3). 

Dagon: 

In the book, no pronouns are used, but all male titles; Lord, Master, Under-Duke. He/him in the script book. No pronouns used in the show or by Neil.

Muriel: 

They/them canonically, but referred to by Quelin Sepulveda, the actress who plays Muriel, as she/they. It seems like the gender perception of the actor who embodies a character has to count for something; if Quelin was perceiving Muriel as partly female, that's an intrinsic part of who Muriel IS. We think we should honor that. (Neil has had plenty of opportunity to debate Quelin's usage, but never has.)

(Food for thought: If we accept this sort of "mixed" pronoun usage as valid in the Good Omens universe, it could apply to other angels or demons, not just to Muriel!)

Archangels played by actresses:

In the script book, when Aziraphale speaks to the 4 archangels, it says; “The room of angels in slick suits. There are four of them, male and female.” It doesn't specify WHO is female, though, and ALL the archangels have non-female pronouns elsewhere in the book, so...?

Uriel: 

"He" in the script book, no pronouns otherwise.

Michael:

“He” in the script book. ​​Neil has used "they."

Angels and demons played by male actors: 

All of them are referred to with male pronouns, both within the series and by Neil. However:

Hastur: 

Briefly had a female appearance in the scene where Aziraphale and Crowley are kidnapped, but no pronouns were used at the time. In the script book, the “lady tourist” is referred to as "she" when whacking Crowley… and then is referred to as "her" even AFTER transforming into Hastur with a wig.

Ligur:

In the book, Ligur was intriguingly referred to as “it” while he was dying, but immediately thereafter was referred to as "he." That paragraph appears almost word for word in the script book; it refers to him as "he" instead of "it."

Sandalphon: 

Referred to in the script book as "it." (“Sandalphon grins, pleased with itself. Then it sniffs the air.”)

Metatron:

"He" in the book and season 2.

God:

Neil said: Jesus uses "Father". Aziraphale uses "She" pronouns for God and Crowley uses "They". I don't think the God in the Good Omens TV universe has a gender.

In the book, Aziraphale, Crowley and Metatron refer to God as He. In the script book, Aziraphale refers to God as She, and Crowley refers to God as They and She.

We think the bottom line is: These are FICTIONAL characters inhabiting a universe where there are few canonical rules for pronouns or gender for supernatural beings. This is a perfect vehicle for choice, which has so much importance to the story. You may start out on opposite sides, you may start out as a genderless being, you may start out as a sexless being, but you can choose something different for yourself. The importance of choice in Good Omens is one of the things that makes it great! 

There’s a lot of fic and art that depicts the characters in different ways; everyone should feel comfortable portraying them the way they choose without the worry that someone is going to be upset with them. We’ve both seen a lot of comments to the tune of, “you’re not using the correct pronouns” or “that’s not the correct sexual orientation,” and that’s not good fandom etiquette. Being open-minded and kind to one another as we flesh out this universe for ourselves is just basic courtesy. Neil himself has said that in fandom, any interpretation is valid! The Good Omens fandom is largely a microcosm of the queer community; we need to practice acceptance amongst ourselves, so that we can stand together against those in the wider world who want to tear us down!

Anyone who wants to discuss personal gender issues can feel free to message @Princess-Spock; remember that if you ask anonymously, there's no way to reply to you!

[nimdreams]

I wasn't sure whether I wanted to write about my gender a bit, or write a full fledged entry for the nonhuman gender zine. For now, here's some thoughts from a shapeshifter.

As a child I never questioned my gender, I just went with what was given to me and that didn't feel so wrong at all. It wasn't until I was in my late 20s/early 30s, while in this community, that I learned about gender. How many genders there are, neopronouns, about gender identity. Quickly I found myself in this gender community too, relating to a lot of it but never considering myself transgender.

At first, I used agender female to describe myself, even if it seemed to confuse some people. I felt like my true self, separate from the vessel, was agender, and that I just happened to live in a female body. After finding out I am a polymorph and my true form is a genderless glittering ball of light and void, I found the term agender even more fitting.

As a shapeshifter though, whatever form I take isn't truly me, and I can take the form of human's binary genders but also the form of any species with genders outside our binary. As I went through different genders feeling right to me, I tried on genderfae and genderfluid labels.

You don't really see my fluidity in gender on the outside, I just wear what I am comfortable in and always present as a woman within this vessel.

Technically you could say I am genderfluid as I can appear as any gender, but to me being agender feels more right as that is what I truly am underneath. No matter the shape I take, my true self is that.

I really love starself pronouns, they make me so happy, but in dreams I use the pronouns of whatever my body is at the time, and irl I use she/her pronouns as that is how my vessel presents. This doesn't give me dysphoria, but it's just that there is much more to me, and most people who see me will never know.

I don't feel dysphoria when I am phantom and mental shifted as something that is male, I just wish I could shapeshift my vessel to fit what I am feeling on the inside. So far, only very few of my shifts consist of masculine genders, female is still the most common, and then there is the many wonderful genders I have glimpsed the comfort of as I take different forms.

It is still a journey for me to accept my own gender feelings more and be more open about them. Especially the freedom in this vessel to share how I am feeling, and maybe the confidence to not always have to present female.