#they are genderfluid when they present as a woman. they are genderfluid when they don't present in the traditional way

[ghostlylulla-by]

was rereading my favourite gender-affirming comic and had to draw her :)

don't tag as Lady Loki my genderfluid soul can't take that

[riddlerosehearts]

while my mind is still on the subject of transfem genderfluid taichi. i very recently got around to reading SSR family and my main takeaway after getting through all the backstage stories for it, and then especially after also reading citron's backstage story for devil maid's holiday, was this:

[casiavium]

All of these "who has more anything gender!" polls are just. white man without extreme body builder muscles v white man without extreme body builder muscles. The gender is "masculine" stop pretending it's universal

[nonbinarymissdude]

it's so annoying to me i can't present the way i want and act the way i want without people trying to invalidate my gender. i AM a man! men don't have to have any particular body, or features, or behaviors to be men.

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hello!

I wanted to ask a question, if that's okay. So, I'm genderfluid afab and feel like a man sometimes (probably more often than I allow myself to realise). I don't have access to a Binder or anything of that sort (transphobic parents).

Is there any way for me to look/be more masculine? I'm a bit scared of goggling because I don't want to accidentally take advice from Tate people or the like.

(PS. I really like your Siegfried Farnon cosplay!)

Heya!

This is a tough one to answer. Because "masculine" means different things to different people. And "passing", as well.

Like. When I wear my fleece jacket and baseball cap, I'm deliberately passing as a certain type of man. But I felt more masculine the other day wearing an ascot.

So, I think we need to break down this question:

1) If you're looking to pass, there are going to be trans masc guides out there that will direct you to a very particular gender presentation. They tend to assume you are white and skinny. They present themselves as a list of Dos and Do-Nots, and at the end of the day, do more harm than good, imo. Because passing guides are almost always about hiding parts of yourself physically, often to the expense of hiding parts of your psyche.

Seek them out if you must, but when it comes to passing for safety, all I can suggest is ambiguous layers, a hat, keeping your head down and your mouth shut. The best way to pass is to not draw attention to yourself, alas.

2) If you're looking to dress more masculine to alleviate gender dysphoria, then you need to drill down to what makes you dysphoric and start there. My smaller feet is one area of contention for me, so I look for semi-dressy shoes that look long and elegant (like Taft boots). Since you can't get a binder, consider layers, if your chest bothers you.

3) If you're looking to dress more masculine to seek gender euphoria, then figure out your aesthetic masculine ideal. Make a pinboard of Looks you enjoy and see if there are trends. Some folks are drawn to athletic wear. Work wear. Perhaps a vintage aesthetic -- Rockabilly. 90s grunge. 1940s British country vet (meeeee, lol).

Ask yourself: What are the hallmarks of this style? Are there casual and formal versions? How does it change seasonally? How much of it is clothing and how much of it is the body (haircut, being muscular, etc)? And above all - what is this style trying to communicate to others?

Once done, see what sort of fashion tips are out there for your style. Who are the fashion experts and how much do you care about their advice? (Menswear guy has great tips about how a modern suit "should" fit, but a lot of his advice is also personal preference with a big dollop of classism.)

Pay close attention to how men wear their clothes -- where they sit on the body, how they style the outfit. Compare how a man is styled in your preferred look to how a woman is styled and see what that sparks in you. How much of it is the clothing or body? How much is posture? You might discern some visual shorthand you can harness to be read as more masculine. You might also come up with ways to have plausible deniability around your parents by being able to pivot a masculine look to be more feminine, when needed.

After all this research, get yourself to a thrift shop or other second hand option and start experimenting. Buying actual men's clothing is probably going to be your best bet, but depending on your Look Book, that may not always be the case.

No one can tell you how to feel more masculine -- that really needs to come from within. Once you figure that out, then it's a matter of reconciling your ideal look with the peculiarities of your body. (And all men have their own challenges wrt the fit of clothes.)

Afford yourself as much grace as possible when it comes to your body. And again, remember that feeling more masculine and passing more masculine may not always overlap and could even be at odds. And only you can determine if and when that is a problem.

[auggator]

I'm a trans man and I'm having a hard time understanding one of your posts.

How can trans Men be lesbian? The definition of lesbian is non-man loving non-man.

I understand he/him lesbians, because pronouns don't equal gender.

But to me calling a trans man a lesbian for liking women seems... against the whole point. Wouldn't that be against their gender identity, since lesbian is non men loving non men?

I am genuinely trying to understand this and don't mean to come off as rude. I am also in the lgbtq community, I'm bisexual and transgender. I try to get your points.

Also if I understood the entire post wrong, MB. I'm just trying to make sure i can accept everyone.

Trans men have had a connection to the lesbian community for decades. The line between butch and transmasc "non-man" lesbian and male lesbian is blurry sometimes. If you want historical evidence, Alison Bechdel has some comic strips from the 1980s and 1990s where male lesbians are present. Trans men who like women often identify as lesbians before they realize they're trans, and so they have an established connection to the lesbian community and continue to identify with it as they transition. Some also feel that their attraction to women is inherently queer and don't really feel like their attraction is "straight". Not all straight men identify as lesbians or lesboys, obviously, but it's an option for those who feel like it applies to them.

Also, "non-man" and "non-woman" just create a new binary that's exorsexist and based in racist ideology if applied generally. Not everyone fits neatly into the "non-man" or "non-woman" categories. Multigender people, for example, may be both man and woman, and don't fit into "non-man" or "non-woman" neatly. To say a multigender person who is both man and woman is "non-man" or "non-woman" erases at least half of their identity. Or demigender people who identify with a binary gender can be both not that binary gender and that binary gender. So saying a demiman is "non-man" is to erase their identity as a man and to say they're exclusively "non-man" is to erase their identity as nonbinary. This is also true for genderfluid and genderflux people who are sometimes completely binary men. To say they're exclusively "non-man" is to erase their identity as a man and to say they're exclusively "man" is to erase their identity as nonbinary.

Post by @this-is-exorsexism and @our-lesboy-experience found here

I'm white so I'm mostly going to point to this post by @moonshinedyke to explain the racism surrounding "nonman" and "nonwoman" as terms. Historically, "nonman" and "nonwoman" have been used to degender Black people and the term also degenders Two-Spirit people. As he points out in the post, it's fine to use the definitions for your own attraction, but using them to define the label as a whole is antiblack.

This isn't to like shame you or anything, just to give explanations and resources as to some things. I would recommend checking out the @/our-lesboy-experience blog to learn more about lesboys in general. This Carrd also has a good amount of information.

As for my own experiences, lesbian was the first queer identity I had. I started identifying as a lesbian since I was about 12. I realized I was trans when I was about 15. I've strayed away from the lesbian label because I felt it was "too gendered" both in definition and in the association. As I've gotten older, I've started to connect with the lesbian community again and feel comfortable identifying as a butch lesbian alongside being a trans man. My girlfriend identifies as a bi lesbian, and we consider our relationship both to be a lesbian one and to be a straight one. My attraction to women is both lesbian and straight and it fluctuates between what it is from day to day. I also identify as bigender and have some connection to lesbian identity because of my gender identity being a little funky.

A better definition of lesbian would be queer attraction to women. It includes people of all gender identities and is generally a good faith way to understand lesbianism.

[jcollinswrites]

Narmer (m) is a man in his late thirties. He led several successful military campaigns to liberate and unify Egypt. For that, most people think of him as a fierce, unyielding protector of the kingdom, but his unbending attitude has earned him a lot of enemies as well. In his private moments, he tends to be a soft-spoken, gentle person. He's very tall, with a strong, muscular build, due to two decades of harsh military service. He most often shaves his light brown hair to the scalp. He has heavily freckled, golden brown skin with countless of scars, and very dark brown, almost black eyes.

Qenna (selectable gender m/f) seems to be a living enigma with their dubious role in the royal palace, and secretive background. At first glance, they look to be somewhere between thirty and forty, but it's hard to tell. They tend to talk a lot, but never about themselves. Despite their self-destructive tendencies, the king relies on them a lot, and seems to hold them in relatively high regard. They are on the shorter side of average height, with messy, dark hair. Their skin is a deep sandy brown with darker circles around their hazel eyes.

Zaia (selectable gender m/f, genderfluid) is Qenna's guardian spirit with a lightning essence. Like most spirits, Zaia is not overly social, preferring to turn invisible when they don't want being talked to. Zaia and Qenna have a bickering sibling-like relationship. Their exact age is unknown even to them. They are a shape-shifter, but they prefer to appear as a person of lean build, with average height, and caramel brown skin. Their hair reaches the middle of their back in dark, loose curls. Their eyes are matte and dark, entirely devoid of life.

Tabiry (f) is a medjay who used to serve as a royal bodyguard, but she recently gave up the position to be able to spend more time with her family. She is a dependable, hardworking woman in her late twenties. With lean, carefully built muscles, she is a force to be reckoned with. She likes to keep a manicured appearance with colorful makeup that compliments her dark skin, and she wears her long hair in jeweled braids. Off-duty, she doesn't have an intimidating presence with her above average height, but in armor, she's very hard to ignore.

Ahmose (selectable gender m/f) is Narmer's 18 year old child. They are still looking for their own path through life, especially regarding their own future. Ahmose is highly educated, very curious, and a generally cheerful person. They have a good relationship with their father despite the latter's lack of time for them, and they think of Qenna as the member of their family. They are tall in height, have a lean and athletic physique, wavy brown hair, golden skin, and a dazzling smile.

Non-romanceable main characters:

Hudjefa (m) (for priest origin only)

Hudjefa is the man that was… not exactly a father figure for you when you were a child because he's only a decade older than you, but maybe a big brother figure. He taught you most of what you know in your profession, and he also taught you how to be a much better person than what you were set out for before you came to his temple.

Petepihu 'Pihu' (f) (for child of the vizier origin only)

Ah, dear Pihu. Your older sister has always been the bane of your existence. With her delightfully arrogant personality, you two have never quite gotten along. Fortunately, ever since she moved in with her husband, the Theban governor, she has become a lot less present in your life. The distance definitely helped mellow your relationship into what you would call 'tolerance'.

Nedjemut (f) (for captain origin only)

Nedjemut is your biological mother. She is a tough, no-nonsense woman whose attitude left a mark on you as well when you were a child. Fortunately, the warmth she could never give you was compensated by her wife's nurturing and cheerful nature. When Nedjemut lost an arm in the line of duty, she was forced into an early retirement and you inherited her position as Captain of the Theban Guard.

Ramesses 'Sesi' (m) (for thief origin only)

Sesi is your childhood friend, your occasional partner-in-crime, and you two have a sibling-like relationship. You grew up on the same street with a gaggle of other children, yet he is the only one you still keep in contact with. He is around the same age as you, has short brown hair, and dark eyes. He is very thin, although he started getting a bit stronger ever since he started working as a courier.

For help with pronunciations, visit this link.

[battlecouplesoulmates]

I know most peoples' headcanon is that Rio knocked Agatha up with a magical strap on, but Agatha says she didn't use magic and yeah okay you could argue that Rio was the one to use magic.

But Agatha also said Nicky was made from scratch. How do you make a baby from scratch? With an egg and a sperm.

It's like when people say they made a cake from scratch, they get the ingredients and make a cake.

Rio is also genderfluid. Yeah, she presents feminine most of the time, but that doesn't erase the fact that she's genderfluid.

So obviously, Rio changed her form so that she had a fully functioning penis.

If you can accept Rio is the biological father, you should be able to accept that too.

If the show ever calls her a cis woman, which I don't think is likely, we should be outraged that they erased her indentity the same way we're outraged when they do Bury Your Gays.

[drdemonprince]

I'm just now starting to process and come to grips with CNC fantasies that I'd previously denied having for a few reasons. One being that I'd always interpreted CNC fantasy as only coming from the perspective of wanting to be violated (or role play at it rather) and genuinely hadn't considered the possibility of having a fantasy of being the agressor (the fact that I'm a genderfluid AFAB person who presents publically as an, albeit not especially feminine, cis woman definitely also contributed to my idea that any rape or CNC fantasy i could have must be in the context of me as a victim) and part of that which I'm having a hard time processing (to the extent I'm willing to put this forward for insights) is how my fantasies manifest. One is the fact that they all involve deception or incapacitation of the victim in some manner be in drugging, taking advantage of them whilst they are already in a deep sleep or not fully conscious, or even claiming to have tattoos and encouraging a thorough exploration of my body by a self avowed tattoo fetishist knowing full well that I don't have any in order to "trick them" into sleeping with me. The second part has to do with who the victims are. The first category could be described as a revenge fantasy and as such I don't feel especially guilty for having it. More specifically the idea of raping or sexual abusing someone who has a history of being a perpetrator of that class of crimes against others (think of it like being the Dexter Morgan of sex crimes). The second type of victim in these scenarios are people who wouldn't willingly have sex with me irl due to stigmatized factors of my being such as my fatness, my bisexuality, my gender-fluidity/non confirming presentation, my autism/neurodivergency, my limited prior sexual experience relative to most people my age, and even my youthful appearance (the last happens less than it did a few years ago but it used to feel brutal and yes all of these are reasons people have explicitly refused to date or be intimate with me) basically by as I mentioned above deceiving or incapacitating them into a situation where they can't resist or more often are unaware of me having sex with them as it happens and only learn about it after waking up if at all. This is the part I feel shameful for desiring because if you asked me what I'd think if a cis male incel did that in real life I'd unequivocally say it was wrong and horrific no questions asked but then when I fantasize about doing it to someone as a means of pulling one over on them, tricking/convincing someone who wouldn't willingly sleep with me or desire me into doing so anyway, well quite frankly as conflicted as it makes me feel there is something that feels empowering about they and I don't know how to process it all

The Dexter Morgan of sex crimes! I feel you. When a certain video game writer & Youtuber previously possessed of a softboy reputation was outed several years ago as a repeated sexual harasser, I fantasized about sliding into his DMs and harassing him the same way that he had bothered others -- I'd always been very attracted to the guy and thought to myself, wow, he'd actually be really easy to bag right now. I get the fantasy, I find it very hot -- it's an opportunity to be sexually aggressive and feel desired without risking rejection or the possibility of harming someone, or so our minds tell us.

There would be nothing wrong with a young, sexually inexperienced man fantasizing about having sex with women through deception, intoxication, or coercion either, as I'm sure you realize. There's nothing ever wrong with a fantasy, and those of us who do dream of being sexually preyed upon from the other side of the Dominant/submissive slash are indebted to the genuinely decent people who long to be the aggressors that we dream about, lest we have to resort to someone who is just genuinely predatory. So let's just establish all that right out the gate. There is nothing wrong with you imagining taking advantage of people, and in fact a great many people who want to be "taken advantage" of in a negotiated kinky scenario, and the more open sadists/Doms/manipulators that we have out there in the world owning their kinks and looking for partners, the fewer people will get their needs met through far messier, riskier means.

It's certainly find to entertain these ideas in the privacy of your mind (or any other ideas at all ever), but what I'd like to ask you is whether you'd like to bring some of these ideas into reality a bit. You may find it to be a genuine power rush to put yourself out there as a Dominant/coercive-kink play figure and see just how many attractive men are absolutely slobbering to be with someone like you.

You are person generally interpreted as a woman who wants to take on the aggressor role in this case; that is much sought-after within kinky communities and you'd have your pick of any number of partners. A lot of them will suck, or simply be uninteresting or a bad match, but you can have your pick of the litter and find someone who is communicative, treats you decently, and is understanding that this is your first time at the rodeo.

Roleplaying a tattoo examination scene or similarly less-intense iteration of your fantasy seems a natural first step. Choose a scenario that you and an interested partner can figure out how to play-act without any complicated restraints or intoxicants involved, and plenty of off-ramps, should anybody need a break or feel squirrely. Get involved in the local kink scene if you aren't, and build community with some other Dominants/aggressors. Develop your skills and expand your kinky horizons. One day, with a decent amount of practice, you could find yourself actually drugging a consenting partner that you have a long track record with and assaulting them. (weed, melatonin, or maybe a small dose of a cold medicine are decent first substances for this kind of thing). I can't tell you how many people are out there longing to experience such a thing -- but I can tell you that I'm one of them! you can find many people who would say the same! have some fun!

[love-ardour-anarchism]

it'd be false if I said to me being a lesbian has nothing to do with who I'm attracted to

to me being a lesbian has a lot to do with who i'm attracted to but it has JUST as much to do with how i interact with society and its rigid normative ideas of what that attraction is meant to look like and how i'm meant to express that attraction and how i am meant to feel, to act and to look

when i say lesbian i don't mean "woman attracted exclusively to women"

i mean "i clawed my way out of a grave that never had my name written on the headstone" and "i won't let anybody tell me how to live and love"

i mean "don't tell me how to smile" and i mean that i won't let ANYBODY dictate what my identity means to me

it means that i refuse to break myself into pieces that society can swallow and that i'm everything at once, the only thing i'm not is conformity

and i won't shave or cut my hair a certain way or sweeten my coarse voice to fit a mold but that all the things i'm not and that i'll never be can be the truest truth to someone else and that thats beautiful

it means that i find normative ideas of womanhood JUST as constricting as i found the idea i was meant to be a man because of an assignment a doctor made based on arbitrary traits

and identity has infinite layers and it changes all the time because i'm simultaneously a woman and not i'm nonbinary, i'm genderfluid, i'm a boy, i'm a girl i'm a fag and a dyke

it means femininity and masculinity and manhood and womanhood are ultimately arbitrary social constructs and femininity can be rough and tumble and masculinity can be soft and sweet

it means i won't let what gatekeepers and exclusionists prescribe "lesbian" to mean take me alive

yes lesbian, yes dyke, yes butch but no, i'm not a woman loving women and i might be bi or ace or even aro

the way i love, the way i present, the way i walk and talk and dress the way i touch those that i adore, the way that we describe and affirm our love is contrary to what society thinks "normal" relationships look like

yes queerplatonic, yes relationship anarchy, yes fuck you and your norms, fuck you very much

lesbian means liberation lesbian means whatever i want it to mean lesbian means labels are lovely because they help us find others like us but don't let them define you

[cardentist]

Fam how can one be trans in the direction of their assigned sex? I'm not even trying to make the idea sound ridiculous or anything. I'm genuinely curious and want to understand. I thought the whole meaning of trans was that you feel or act in the opposite direction of your assigned sex; if you're transfem but you're afab then to me that's just cisgender??? But like please explain to me how that's not the case if that's what you and others strongly feel so I may grow my compassion

Context: [Link]

well ! while I personally am not intersex, I DO want to highlight intersex people first and foremost.

gender and sex are very Very complex, and I think generally people don't consider the way that being intersex can play a big role in that!

there are intersex people who are afab who are also trans women, there are intersex people who are amab who are trans men, there are intersex people with many Many different relationships with sex and gender and anywhere in between !

an afab person can be born with masculine sex characteristics and transition the way trans women often do. that person May identify as trans, they may not ! that trans person may not even consider themselves a woman depending on who they are and what they want !

I Do think there needs to be an effort to be aware of and make space for intersex people within the trans community, and really the wider queer community as a whole. as it's often something that's given a footnote without deeper thought into the ways that intersex people Actually interact with our communities.

which I don't blame people for not already knowing ! that's the whole point of trying to educate people in the first place ^^

.

and as for Myself

labels are, ultimately, a form of gender presentation. what you call yourself is an extension of not only how you see yourself, but how Other People perceive you.

I could call myself nonbinary or I could call myself trans masc, and both would be Accurate. but people have certain traits and expectations and associations when they see those labels. there are assumptions made about the kind of life that I live, the things that I want, the things I might experience, that change depending on which labels that I use.

and that's not Inherently a bad thing ! I mean, that's part of why people Like labels. but it Can be a struggle for people whose gender is Funny.

I could Also describe myself as genderqueer or multi-gender or genderfluid or gnc or-. I've tried on lots and lots of labels, and for the most part I haven't thrown any of them out, I just keep them in a box under my bed and take them out when relevant.

I've been wrestling with the feminine aspect of my identity for a very Very long time. I've been aware that I'm some level of trans masc. that part was easy. I want a deeper voice, I want things about my body to change, I don't want people to look at me and see a cis woman.

but I Also like femininity. I've found that after accepting myself as trans masc and slowly growing an environment where I am Perceived as masculine, I've started getting euphoria at presenting femininely in the Same way that I did (and do!) get about presenting masculinely.

but that feeling doesn't carry over when I'm perceived as a cis woman. it's Quite Uncomfortable for obvious gender reasons.

and while I may not know the exact Words that I'd use to describe it (as I've said, I've been chewing on it for Many years now), I've gotten a clearer idea of how I Feel.

I want to be Visibly trans. I want to be perceived masculinely And femininely. I want to transition masculinely to present femininely (and sometimes butch, sometimes like your dad at the ace hardware store, I contain multitudes).

and of course, figuring out what I have going on has involve a lot of exploration ! it's the same way I figured out the whole trans masc thing in the first place. seeking out other trans people and other Things About trans people feeling things out.

I find ! that I have a lot of shared experiences with transfeminine people. both in how I feel about certain things, some of the presentation that I want, and in how people would React To said presentation.

my femininity Is Trans, I don't relate to cis womanhood. but I Do relate to trans femininity. which is really awkward for me, because it's difficult to describe it to other people fjksldljkasfdjklfasd

(I don't personally consider myself a trans woman mind, but I'm certain there Are people who are trans men and trans women at the same time. gender is complicated, sex is complicated. labels are malleable and sometimes situational)

Could I describe myself with a different label? probably ! I've got lots of them. but when I Don't put emphasis on this aspect of myself people assume that it's not there. insist that it Couldn't be there, and I don't know what I'm talking about. and those people who Would act nasty towards me probably aren't gonna change their mind just because I changed my bio. but it feels Nice to assert that aspect of myself when other people are trying to tear it down.

.

part of me feels like I should post the intersex portion of this by itself, because people tend to engage more with shorter posts and there's nothing Short about my gender situation ljkfdasjkls

but ! I dunno, if this makes even one person understand the gray areas of gender and presentation a little more it'll be worth it.

thank you for taking the time to ask ! and especially for doing so kindly ! I do hope you'll see this

[olderthannetfic]

I don't get my fandom. They want more queer rep. The main cast is a bisexual femme woman with a preference for women, an aroace gender-indifferent AMAB man, a genderfluid all-pronouns using AMAB person with a beard who wears a dress, and a biromantic asexual bigender AMAB man who is agender + male. The supporting cast has a lesbian girl, a middle-aged ace het woman living semi-romantically with another woman who is the main cast's (emotional) adoptive mom, and a ambiguously queer character whose gender is never really confirmed or discussed.

A big criticism I also see is "the writing team is all cishet". One, we don't know that, someone could be closeted. Two, why is that a problem? I think it's great that they went, "this makes sense for who this character is. We don't have to force them to be cishetallo just because that's what you normally see in animation. Web animation can be different. This is who this person is and that's fine."

I'm 19. I talked to my half brother, who is 38, about this and he actually choked on his coffee. He said when he was my age, nothing like this was easily accessible for him. It would have been jaw-dropping representation for him. I asked about the writers being cishetallo and he said, "who fucking cares? I would've moved Heaven and Earth to see these characters hanging out and just fucking existing back then!"

I know you get a metric fuckton of asks, but I'd love to hear your take on this. You've been in the queer community way longer than I have (I've barely started interacting with queer people IRL; I grew up in rural Wyoming) and I do wonder what this debacle looks like to people in other age groups. I'd also be curious to know what older people would've thought if they'd seen this friend group in media when they were younger. I know it means a lot to me. But I feel like I don't get what it would have meant back then.

--

Well, written up like this, it might get an eye-roll for sounding like Captain Planet casting. (You know "One of A and one of B and one of C" in a way that feels kind of forced.)

But yes, I think most older queer people when looking at the actual canon would be like "Sweet! A cast full of queer characters!"

I grew up somewhere shockingly liberal for the 90s next door to some old, married lesbians (who still live there, as it happens). It still sucked for teenagers. I had an okay time, but I was always hearing about other teens having an awful time even as the adults in the same communities did okay. And that's a very, very good version of what it was like in the 90s.

I did have access to queer media, vastly more access than most teens had. It was still mostly art films, boring coming out memoir, and The Pain of Being a Minority serious literature. What I wanted was genre fiction with a romance b-plot between queer characters I found hot. There was a bit of that, but not much.

I don't know that I personally would have killed for the exact set of queer rep in a modern show, but that makes sense. There are plenty of identities that present about the same but where people have internal reasons for choosing one or another. There are different forces making one queer identity or another more embattled at a given point in time. So while broadly similar queer people have always existed, there actually are fads in identity to an extent. (This is different from "wharrgarbl, the blue hairs with their pronouns!!!", which is just people being ahistorical assholes.) Modern media does and should reflect these differences. It might be for me, but it's going to be for 40-something me, not teenage me if it's coming out right now. If it's for current teens, it's not for teen me.

But yeah, in a general sense, I agree with your brother: "Damn, we have so much today! That's cool!"

The kvetching is usually people being angry that it's not representing their exact slice of queerness instead of someone else's. Or, let's be honest, a lot of it is "You didn't make my ship happen! How dare?!" dressed up as activism.

...

One thing I will say is that teenagers were extremely dramatic in my day too, and black-and-white thinking was just as common. Looking a gift horse in the mouth is not new. Yes, your fandom is full of idiots, but I wouldn't read too much into it.

[hashimasims]

Presenting Kaye for @changingplumbob's Dating Deanna

Hello there! Umm . . . My name's Kaye and I'm applying to be a contestant on Dating Deanna

I've just recently aged up to a young adult (21 in Watcher years) and moved out of my Mother's house and into an apartment in San Myshuno! Nothing I ever did made her happy but I think most of that stems from the fact that we're on one of the spare branches of this save's legacy family - did I forget to mention my last name is Glynnan? I was also born a human which is a MAJOR area of contention for my mother Deliliah who thinks it's a disgrace but my big brother Domenic loves me just the same and doesn't care that I'm not exactly the girly girl princess mother always wanted. I wanted to play football instead of joining the cheer leading team in high school and I'm a bit of a glutton - though I consider myself more a foodie who just enjoys ALL food!

I'm an Adventurous sim and I love the slopes of Mt. Komorebi just don't put me on a set of skis, snowboarding is the only way to go down the mountain! I do have to admit that though I don't dislike rock climbing I'd much prefer using the safer machines found at gyms to actually climbing the mountain after hearing about my Uncle Daolong's incident.

I'm working on becoming a professional athlete one day and here's to hoping one of the EA Gods will patch in professional snowboarding. If that happens I'd be the happiest woman ever! But currently just making Candles and selling them on Plopsy to make a bit of extra cash while I slowly move up the athletic career corporate ladder.

I love listening to music at the end of a long day but PLEASE no winter holiday music! I heard far to much of that All I Want for Winterfest Song while I was working retail as a teenager I NEVER EVER want to hear it again if I can help it!

Now for the specifics I guess . . .

I'm a cisgender female still exploring their sexuality. I'm attracted to both men and woman so being classified as Bisexual might be easiest though I'm leaning more towards Pansexual since I don't really care if someone is nonbinary, trans, genderfluid etc and I've met a few Sims who claim they're bisexual but won't date Trans sims, to each their own but why? If someone makes me happy and I them it seems perfect to me!

My traits are Adventurous, Music Lover, and Glutton. I think there used to be more like Socially Awkward and Vegetarian but my Watcher wasn't sure if @changingplumbob had the more traits mod so removed the last two

My current aspiration is to be a Master Maker

My likes and dislikes are below ↓ There's quite a few but My Watcher actually cut it down from what was there when I was a Teenager

Am I OK with getting flirty with the other contestants? I'm here for Deanna but if any of the other contestants flirt with me I don't see a problem with it since we're not in committed relationships or anything.

Am I open to Polyamory? Maybe? It seems to be working fairly well for my cousin where monogamy hasn't been working for my mother - three kids from three separate failed marriages yikes! Maybe you shouldn't talk trash about El when you don't have even half as healthy of a love life. Sorry mom I know it's not proper to air your dirty laundry on national tumblrvision but oh well! Domenic raised me to think honesty is the best policy so . . .

Open to woohoo? I mean it's part of romance now a days so I'd be alright with it. I just won't let my brother tune in those days. Sorry Dom!

Am I open to flirting with Joey? I think I could be! Again I signed up for Dating Deanna and don't want to hurt her feelings but the heart wants what the heart wants I guess

My watcher is ALL IN!!!

[cinderella-ish]

Fruits Basket Queer Headcanons

The more I watch and read Fruits Basket, the more I get the sense that no one is straight here. Well... almost no one. So, in honor of pride month, here are my queer headcanons for the cast of Fruits Basket!

(Disclaimer that these are my own personal headcanons, obviously nothing official, etc... I try to draw on evidence from the text, but I'll admit I'm occasionally going purely off vibe. Also, I'm bi and genderfluid, so that's the lens I'm bringing to this. I'd love to hear your headcanons, especially if they differ from mine! Enjoy!)

Genderfluid and/or genderqueer: Ayame and Ritsu

I (probably somewhat controversially) think a lot of the gender non-conformity among Fruits Basket characters is just that: gender non-conformity. Momiji is one example; he dresses in girls' clothing (though not "like a girl") until his growth spurt, but it seems important to him to be seen as a man from at least that point forward.

Ritsu is someone whose gender identity and/or nonconformity really should've been explored more in the manga - as written, it feels like Ritsu's exploration of gender was viewed as something he'd grow out of, rather than a search for understanding himself. He doesn't really seem to mind being identified as either male or female, though he obviously feels a lot of shame about his comfort with wearing women's clothes (though no one around him when we meet him really seems to mind, which is nice-- I also appreciate that Ritsu was shown to have friends who adore him outside of the Sohmas). Anyway, the fact that he seems okay with being referred to as both a man and a woman is the entire basis for this headcanon.

Ritsu also idolizes Ayame, and I think part of this stems from Ayame's own security in his non-traditional gender presentation. We don't really get a lot of Ayame's thoughts on gender, despite his line of work, but he strikes me as the sort of person who would enjoy playing with his own gender presentation and would be more than open to exploring his gender identity (and probably has!). I think Ayame would lean more toward having an expansive view of masculinity rather than dressing more feminine when he feels more feminine, but I also think he would embrace the different ways people might perceive his gender.

Transgender Woman: Akito Sohma

This I think is quite clear in canon. Akito was assigned male at birth, then transitioned to female.

What makes it hard for some people to see Akito as trans is that the reason she was assigned male at birth was not the typical reason people are assigned male at birth in our world (it was her mother's demand, rather than a guess based on the shape of her genitals), but I don't think that makes her any less trans.

Under the Ace and/or Aro Umbrellas

This umbrella is a little tricky for several of these characters, because they've been forbidden from dating, or had very controlling parents, or thought they'd only hurt anyone they loved, so they haven't necessarily had time to figure out whether they've just repressed that part of themselves or they just don't experience attraction at all/without a strong emotional connection first. (Not everyone needs time to figure that out, though!) But anyway, here's who I think would eventually find themselves under at least one of these umbrellas!

Asexual/Aromantic: Kazuma

I love the tidbit that Kazuma tried dating women, but talked so much about Kyo that he never got a second date. I like the interpretation of him as a gay man, but to me, he reads as asexual/aromantic. Dating just doesn't even seem to be on his radar!

Demisexual/Demiromantic: Kyo, Shigure, Machi

A lot of the fandom sees Kyo as demi, and I'm totally here for that interpretation of him. He generally seems annoyed by or frightened of girls who aren't Tohru (frightened either when there's a risk of transforming, or when Kagura is involved). Also, it's CUTE that Kyo takes after his dad (Kazuma) in this way.

At first blush, it seems very unlikely Shigure is under the ace umbrella, but I couldn't stop thinking about his brief relationship with Mayu. He's the one who suggested they date, yet he seemed completely disinterested in her. He did sleep with Ren, but that was only for revenge and because he imagined Akito would look like her if she'd been allowed to grow up as a woman. I genuinely believe all his "high school girls" ickiness was an act, much like most of his personality.

It doesn't seem like Machi can totally tell if/when she likes something (or someone!). This makes me wonder if she's just never had feelings for anyone before Yuki.

Demiromantic: Rin, Hiro

Rin seems open to sexual relations with people other than Haru, but I genuinely can't see her having romantic feelings for anyone other than him. I see Hiro similarly with respect to Kisa. I think, if they ever split, it would take an extremely long time for him to even be open to falling for someone else.

Under the Bi/Pan+ Umbrella

So, I'm not making a distinction between these two (and other orientations that fall under the same umbrella, like poly- or omnisexual) because that seems like a very personal, internal conversation. I know some people make a distinction between the way bi and pan people experience attraction, but some don't, and that feels too prescriptivist for my purposes here. So, these are characters who I think experience attraction to multiple genders!

Tohru obviously falls for Kyo, but she also thinks Akito is cute, she thinks Rin is "shapely" and "beautiful" (her words!), and she goes along with it when Saki talks about them getting married.

Yuki ends up with Machi (and I love them together!) but I think Kyo was his first crush. His arc is also very relatable for a lot of queer folks (myself included!). And he's a disaster. Long live bisexual disaster Yuki Sohma!

Shigure is tricky, because the flirtation between him and Ayame could just be a joke, but I personally think it's a joke that arose out of some fun nights spent together...

Akito obviously likes men, but she also flirts with Tohru when they first meet.

Saki talks about marrying both Tohru and Kazuma. She's probably joking about Kazuma, but she's generally a very literal person, so I don't think she's joking about Tohru. She also marries a foreigner canonically, and that foreigner is probably a man.

Momiji talks about finding an amazing sweetheart-- not an amazing wife or girlfriend!!-- one day. I think he was being very intentional in not specifying his future partner's gender.

Hatori is the one I feel least sure of, but my headcanon is that he gets so annoyed and embarrassed by Shigure and Ayame because he doesn't want anyone to know he was totally part of at least a few of those trysts...

Mutsuki and Hajime are definitely together, right? And it seems like the fandom mostly sees Mutsuki as bi, which... yeah, that tracks.

Hatsuharu's first love was Yuki, and his last love was Rin.

Kakeru has a girlfriend, but for some reason, I have it in my head that he always refers to Kyo as Yuki's "hot cousin"? Did I just imagine that? Anyway... even if I did make that up, I think his backstory is a great analogy for the experience of coming out. He was trying to fit in a box and decided he was done with it. Pure chaotic bi energy.

For Ayame, see Shigure and Hatori above. (Also, “I am a bottom ALL THE WAY!!!”)

Mine is admittedly here just based on vibes.

Mitsuru likes Ritsu even though she's not entirely sure of Ritsu's gender!

Kimi is also here purely based on vibes.

Gay and Lesbian

Hiroshi has always struck me as gay. I can't really explain it. I usually have absolutely awful gaydar, so it's odd that he gives me such clear gay vibes. I wrote him as gay in my longfic, Bloom Within Us, and I'll probably always write him as gay.

President Takei obviously has a crush on Yuki. We don't really see him show interest in anyone else (partially because he's such a minor character). He also seems to still be a bachelor in Another, which could be because he can't legally marry yet...

My headcanon that Kunimitsu is gay kind of popped up as I was writing Bloom Within Us. There's no particular reason, and he doesn't give me strong gay vibes or anything.

Hajime and Mutsuki are definitely a couple! (Right?!) And it seems like most of the fandom sees Hajime as gay which... yeah, I can get behind that.

Akimoto (Arisa's senpai from her gang) is another character who gives me such strong vibes that I thought it was canon that she was a lesbian. Whoops. Anyway, I headcanon that Akimoto is gay, and referenced that in one of my oneshots.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Controversial omission: Arisa Uotani. She says she likes Kureno because he reminds her of Tohru, but she doesn't like Tohru? Yes, she gives me major queer vibes but this to me points to her being straight. Also, based on the way she reacts to her friends developing crushes or falling in love (and the way they react to her falling in love), I don't think there's anything between her and Saki or her and Tohru (as much as I love fics that pair her with Saki!). I also think not every relationship with lots of physical affection and strong feelings of love has to be romantic.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading my queer headcanons! This has been in my drafts for months, so I'm really glad Pride Month gave me a reason to finish this post!

Happy Pride!

[sexygaywizard]

hi so um. i recently started questioning if i was genderfluid (which in my many years of questioning my gender i never actually considered) and then i saw a post from you and thought "i should ask the sexygaywizard himself for some advice"

basically i can't tell if i my gender is actually fluid, or if it's my self-expression that's changing. like do i just wanna dress butch or do i wanna be a man for lil while?

so i was wondering if you had any advice or like experiences that might help with that :) i know everyone probably feels it a bit differently but i know a less abt genderfluidity than nb/transness so i thought i should get some perspectives on it

To me it's a very internal thing, some days I feel more masc and some days more fem. I pretty much never feel fully like a man or a woman, I just kind of float between various shades of nonbinary. So you don't have to feel a drastic change in your gender from day to day. My slider generally operates between edgy mallrat tboy to femme camp queen and when I change up my presentation, it helps validate the gender I was already feeling, rather than the other way around. Gender is a feeling so like, when you put on masc clothes, do you just like how it looks? Or does it make you feel different internally? For me, it affects how I stand, how I talk, etc etc various things about my presentation bc it's all part of the various differences in gender that I'm feeling that day.

At the same time, I think it's also cool to just like call yourself a label for a while and see how it makes you feel. It's not like there are gender cops who are going to arrest you if it turns out you don't like the label you're free to try stuff on and discard it if you think it doesn't fit.

[i-promise-i-am-not-on-drugs]

Hi! This is my presentation post! I will update it from time to time! ^^

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To all my moots: I might be offline for multiple days in a row from time to time, don't worry if you don't see me around for a while!!

(I probably just found a really long fic that has me hooked and I just can't stop reading it until I'm done with all of it lol--)

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— I am a teenager (between 15 and 19)!! Please don't ask me to send you money to help you with what you're going through, I will not be able to help you. It will only make me sad and uncomfortable, and make you lose time that you could use by asking the same thing to someone who can actually help you, and I will block you, I'm sorry.

And I've just been asked that so just to be clear: No, I am not interested in any kind of "sugar relationship", thank you very much. (*traumatized crying*)

— Please do not interact with me if you are racist, homophobic, transphobic or a terf, if you willingly body shame people, if you do not support and respect the disabled and LGBTQUIA+ communities, if you are sexist, if you promote any kind of non con/illegal-relationship (I'm talking about irl relationships. I don' care if you're a proshipper, but I will probably block you if I get too weirded out by your ships.), if you are a Trump supporter, or if you don't like to see the most random post at any time of the day. Once again, I will block you.

— I am genderfluid! You can use any pronounces while referring to me, but I do have a preference for they/them most of the time. :)

— Also, I mostly go by Eleana online, but I like to be called Len too. Or by my url idc. (you can also invent a new nickname if you want!! I absolutely love those TuT)

— I do not have the energy to find the exact label for my sexuality, but I like to think of myself as queer and aroasepec! ^^

— I am mostly active in the following fandoms: stranger things (byler actually but shh), the goldfinch, one piece, and many others! Those are only the current mains. :)

— Most of my posts/reposts are absolutely random and probably a bit confusing lol

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Here are some of the things I'll reblog/post that are related to...

... Stranger Things

— Lots of fanarts!

— Fic recommendations!

— Theories and gates

— Pretty much anything byler-related

— Sometimes actor related things. (Yes I do support Noah btw, don't come to me if you want to hate on him.)

— Memes!!

... The Goldfinch

— Anything Boreo related (fics, fanarts, headcanons, anything.)

— Character analysis and headcanons!

— Memes 👍

... One Piece

— Anything related to the ASL brothers (as long as it's not romantic. I do not ship them. They're brothers.)

— Pretty much any ship related things that I find nice. I'm a multishipper in this fandom! (I'm chill with pretty much anything as long as it dosen't involve families!)

— Headcanons and fanarts!! Looots of them.

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Some random things about me! :D

— I absolutely loooove music. It doesn't have to be any specific kind of music, I could listen to pretty much anything and I'd be happy, because it's music.

> Here are some of my favorite songs tho!

★ Ship in a bottle ~ fin

★ BLUE ~ Billy Eilish

★ The Red Means I Love You ~ Madds Buckley

★ Loved one ~ The Aubreys

★ Punk Tactics ~ Joey Valence & Brae

★ I Hear a Symphony ~ Code Fry

★ Come Little Children ~ Erutan

★ Istanbul (Not Constantinople) ~ They Might Be Giants

★ Dúlamán ~ MALINDA

★ Téir Abhaile Riu ~ Celtic Woman

★ Aleph ~ Gesaffelstein

★ The Water Is Fine ~ Chloe Ament

— I am a cat person, and I'd like to adopt one or two when I'll have my own place! :3

— I am an extraverted introvert! (an introvert who has a group of extroverted friends and who was infected by them)(but still very much an introvert)(i dislike or am neutral about most people irl)

— Most people say I look antipathic or scary, but really I just have a "do-not-come-near-me-or-I'll-bite-your-head-off" resting face.

— My favorite love languages are physical touches and words of affirmation. :)

— I like to talk with people about their experiences and feelings, and I love to give advices when I can! :]

— My memory works in a really strange way: I can remember word by word some parts of books and their entire storyline when I've read them years ago, but it took me 7 years to know the birthdate of a friend of mine that I met when we where both three.

— I sometimes have an hyperfixation on a random thing for months and then suddenly loose any interest about it for literally no reason at all. I will might come back to it after years months and fall back into the rabbit hole lol

— And (you probably guessed that by now) I tend to overshare things about myself when people let me. (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠)

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You can also find me here! ^^

AO3 →

SPOTIFY →

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And that's pretty much it! Wow I'm actually impressed if you finished to read all that lol--

Thank you for being here, I love you! (/platonically) ^^♥