#they are consuming me alive omg

[nart-is-a-monster]

This is Anna's fault who said that quote while we were talking on discord and activated the parasite that lives inside my brain

ajshgfjsdhghkgj

[tinycatstars]

i know you dont takerqs rn but your homestuck agere fics genuinely give me so much comfort and joy i just wanna say that... <:) i esp love your junedave/pepsicola ones,,

WAHHH YOU ARE SO KIND!!!! thank you so much this means the world omg :D :D i think it’s wild that the silly stuff i make can make others so happy but i’m so seriously glad it does <3 <3 ty so much for the nice words !!!!!

[somepsychopomp]

Not an ask but I absolutely adore your Vampire au! After the whole ep with The Star, I was just constantly imagining of a scenario where Simon is alive and well, and joins the VK's court alongside Marcy.

I was waiting for someone to make a fic about that or just an au in general (I'm not the best at writing but I do consume a lot of fics lol), and then I stumbled on your blog and I found exactly what i've been looking for!!!

I just rlly like all the little tidbits you shared already, so I made some fanart for it, if you don't mind. It's mostly just V!Simon though :>

FANTASTIC OMG IM ACTUALLY DYING TY TY TY ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I love all the outfits you made for him, I feel like they'd go really well with the ones we see Star!Marcy wearing! My favorite has to be the red one, its so regal and beautiful especially with those gloves and those ruffled cravat/sleeves/coat!

(That middle look in the second pic looks more like a survival outfit, me thinks Simon might don it during an escape attempt from the hive or maybe in the rare times he's out doing work for the king)

I also love the big fluffy braid but his BUN tho 🙏🏻. I've seen pics of Simon in the AT comics with his hair up but him w/ that & the white hair is just something else, its sooo good

I also really like his half moon glasses, a small shake up from his ordinary round ones. Its such a small difference but I really like the way they look on him!

Thank u so much for sharing your art!!

[omgthatdress]

An Analysis of the Ubiquity of Mall Brands in the late 1990s to early 2000s, or

I Fucking Hate These Guys

by OMG!thatdress

If you were a tween to teenager from roughly 1997 to 2004, chances are, you were left with profound life-long trauma caused by someone wearing Tommy Hilfiger, Abercrombie & Fitch, Ralph Lauren, Nautica, American Eagle, The Gap, Old Navy, or, if you were came along a little later, Hollister or Aeropoastale.

I cannot overstate to my young followers how over-saturated these brand names were in teen culture at the turn of the millennium, the extend to which EVERYONE was wearing them, and yet, in a weird way, how light the imprint they actually left on fashion history was.

Watching iconic teen shows of the era, you don't see any of them because a.) TV teenagers tend to be way cooler and more stylish than awkward and desperate real teenagers actually are, and b.) these brands were all copyright protected, which kept their names and logos off the airwaves.

Look in a middle school yearbook, however, you'll see it. Look at your aunt and uncle's high school photo albums, you'll see it. Ask any late Gen X or early Millennial. It was real and it was fucking awful.

The big question is why? Why? WHY, GOD WHY?! There's a lot of answers to that question.

First of all, I'm going to cite this absolutely wonderful article from Collector's Weekly about why everyone's grandma had a hideous orange couch in the 70s, and give the most simple and straightforward answer: it's what was available.

This is when the concept of online shopping is still very much in its infancy, and the hub of American consumer culture was still your local mall. If you needed new clothes, you went to the mall. And guess what stores were at every local mall? You guessed it.

For the second answer, I'm going to dig up this utter relic from the early days of internet meme-ing, that has nonetheless stuck with me and had a profound impact of my understanding of how popular fashion works:

I'm pretty sure that the reason Abercrombie & Fitch manages to survive as a brand today rests solely increasingly middle-aged Millennial men whose sense of style has refused to evolve past the shit their mom bought them in high school.

And why the hell would they? Nobody wore Abercrombie because it made them stand out or feel special. I'm still pretty convinced that nobody actually *liked* the aesthetic or thought the clothes actually looked good. You need not look past the basic color palette to understand these were not brands meant for uniqueness or self-expression.

While Britney Spears pranced around stage in her iconic neon colors and body glitter, American teenagers existed in a never-ending hellscape of washed-out neutrals, faded denim, and American flag primary colors.

All of which served its exact purpose: it was safety. It was a way to appear cool if you didn't want to go through the ordeal of actually having a personality or a sense of style. Which, of course, goes back to point number one: it was just shit you bought at the mall because you needed clothes.

It wasn't enough to save you once the school bully caught that whiff of autism and/or queerness on you, but it was enough that you could blend into the herd and pray no one ever noticed you.

Underneath it all was a very subtle undercurrent of class and classism: to wear mall brands was to declare to the world that you could indeed afford to shop at the mall. It meant you weren't, god forbid, poor.

Status symbol clothing goes back to the invention of clothing itself. The concept of brands as status symbols is still very much alive and well, its just more limited to actual luxury brands nowadays. One need look no further than your favorite high-end children's clothing website to see that rich parents still very much think it important that you know their five-year-old is wiping its boogers on Versace.

None of these brands were actual high-end luxury brands, but they still advertised and presented themselves as such. Their ads featured signifiers of "all-american" (read: White) wealth: yachts, skiing, horses, beaches, shirtless dudes with chiseled abs playing verious sportsballs.

The color palettes and cuts mimicked the preppy "Ivy" style of the New England old-money elite, along with their hobbies and lifestyle. You may not actually own a horse, but you can wear a polo shirt. You may not be able to run without breaking your ankle, but you wear the same shirt as the dude holding a football in the ad.

It was an elitist, White and skinny image that didn't age well into the diversity and body-positivity of the 2010s.

In 2003, a lawsuit was filed against Abercrombie & Fitch alleging systematic racial discrimination. People of color were rarely hired, and if they were, they were given jobs in the back, away from customer view. In 2005, the U.S. district court approved a settlement of $50,000. A few years ago, Netflix released the documentary White Hot: The Rise and Fall of Abercrombie & Fitch which admittedly I haven't watched yet because my hatred runs too deep to remind myself of its existence.

It was a hatred of Abercrombie & the (white, thin, neurotypical, heterosexual) conformity that it represented that drove me screaming into the loving arms of Hot Topic and Linkin Park. Jordan Calhoun wrote an excellent article for the Atlantic about his experience growing up poor and Black and not fitting in to the Abercrombie aesthetic.

I would be very remiss if I didn't bring up the "urban" mall brands of the early 2000s: Fubu, Sean Jean, Ecko, Baby Phat, among others. They were favored by Black teenagers and White teenagers who wanted to be Black. I know there's a lot to be said about these brands, but I'm too Caucasian to really be able to talk about them with nuance. Maybe someone else will, and I will be very happy to listen.

As much as I hate Tommy Hilfiger, I really do have to give him credit for recognizing the incredibly lucrative "street wear" market and selling power of hip-hop. While most of these mall brands kept their image sparkling White, Tommy made Aaliyah his brand ambassador and regularly appeared in the wardrobes of popular rap and R&B artists of the time.

It'd be very easy and very reductive to say that the changing ideology of the 2010s was the downfall of preppy mall brands, but really, the thing that truly killed them was the downfall of the mall itself. Shopping habits changed, and logos and brand names no longer held the power they once had.

The moral of the story is that being a teenager is fucking hell, and these popular brands both offered the safety of conformity and a status symbol to hold over the heads of the poor and uncool. The irony is that everyone who hated them as teenagers (read: ME) and the freaks who grew up to truly love the power of self-expression through personal style (read: ME) became the truly cool people. If you wore Abercrombie you grew up to vote for Donald Trump.

GO GOTH. PREPS SUCK. THE END.

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

OMG, I just love your writing! Especially the yandere Big Brother shigaraki HCS! If your requests are still open, can I request Yandere Big Brother Shigaraki with his little sister being AFO's daughter and they used to be really close for years but one day He had thought she had died after some villain got her and there was not even a body left behind, but in truth, she had run away and joined UA. Some platonic headcanons of yandere Big Brother shigataki and yandere Father AFO about that?

Thank you! 🖤🖤🖤

Rebellion | Yandere AFO and Shigaraki Tomura

Rebelling in such a way is going to be hard beyond belief

Whether you do this in your youth or closer to your teens it’s a battle

That can’t be won without the hero specifically All Might’s intervention

But eventually they do it

Faking your death and making it seem believable enough for Shigaraki

But it sends him spiraling 

His old life and now you

He’s so consumed with grief he doesn’t pick up on AFO’s minor reaction

AFO is probably more than aware that you’re probably alive

Already planning to recapture you but it’s not a priority

He knows they won’t kill you

And he knows they’ll likely use you as bait

But he smiles with glee when he thinks about how tomura will react when he knows you are still alive

He recognizes his dear little sibling immediately

No birthmark or signature sound required

He’s already imagined and even generated what you would’ve looked like had you survived

If you revealed yourself during their siege on the united liberation front

You might have saved a few lives or made the death toll a beat higher

Gigantomachia recognizes you and immediately prepares to catch you if you appear in front of him

Showing up in front of the unfinished Shigaraki he barely computes that it’s you

He instructs the nomus to capture you safely while he focuses on Deku

With his newly awakened body he gains AFO’s relaxed visage

Which causes even more of a divide when in their little mind meld Tomura realizes he knew

“All these years…and you never thought to tell me!?”

Capturing you may not be an immediate priority because they both know the heroes wouldn’t do that

….but after what happened to Twice who can be sure

It’s only an issue if you’re providing  substantial support to the heroes with your own quirk

Then that is a rebellion neither of them are happy about 

[beomboomboom]

There for you

genre: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, established relationship

pairing: Jeonghan x reader

summary: You were there for people when they needed you most, but when you desperately needed someone, anyone—no one was there. That is, until you met Jeonghan.

warnings: mentions of reader being in a dark place mentally (Jeonghan comes to the rescue though)

note: For those of you who have been there for others when no one was there for you. I hope that you know you're not alone, there will always be someone willing to listen <33 This fic is so self-indulgent omg 😭. Enjoy reading the fic <3

You have always been there for everyone. You're the type of person to lend a shoulder for someone to cry on while rubbing their back comfortingly. Heck, you've even been coined the "emotional support" role in your friend group.

But you had always wondered why when you were the one needing help, no one would notice.

No one would be there to give you a hug while assuring you everything would be alright. No one would be by your side when you let out your sobs at 12 am, muffling your cries with your pillow so you didn't wake anyone up.

You were there for people when they needed you most, but when you desperately needed someone, anyone—no one was there.

That is, until you met Jeonghan.

Jeonghan had appeared into your life like an angel.

Your life that felt like it was pitch black became brighter when Jeonghan appeared. He saved you from the darkness that once had consumed you.

Jeonghan was there for you when you felt dead inside. He made you feel alive with the way he listened intently to your every word, something that not many people had done before. He made you feel alive with the way he gently gave you comforting touches, silently assuring that he was there with you.

Jeonghan was there for you when you didn't even realize how much you needed him.

You snap out of your thoughts the second you hear the shuffling of sheets as a half-awake Jeonghan scoots closer to you on the bed.

"Morning baby." he mutters with a smile, the effects of sleep making his voice all gravely and deep.

You let out a smile at the sight as you gently trace Jeonghan's features. From the curve of his lips to the roundness of his eyes, every part of him was beautiful. "Thank you."

"What? All of a sudden?" Jeonghan says with a laugh as he wraps his arms around your waist with a fond look in his eyes.

"Thank you for being there for me when no one else was," you explain while carding your fingers through Jeonghan's hair as Jeonghan tugs your body closer to his with a fond smile in response, his eyes so full of love and pure adoration for you.

"I'll always be there for you," he whispers into your ear as he gives you a soft kiss on the cheek.

[mouse-fantoms]

On top of being robbed of so much Juke content we’ll never get, what I think about alot is how Juke would have been approached more if it went further.

One of the (many) reasons I love jatp so much is it makes me believe their characters are real, that they have background, they have their own goals and ambitions to them, they’re fleshed out.

That moment of Flynn going “my girls got a crush and his name is Luke” and Julie going “what no?! Luke’s a ghost😳.” And Flynn saying “a cute ghost” and Julie giving in and saying “…with a perfect smile☺️” and adding that Luke is “cute air” which implies she has indeed given this Luke crush idea some thought.

That moment of just two best friends talking about the others potential crush like that’s such a good moment bc I genuinely believe that I am watching these two genuine besties just have that kind of talk with one another bc that happens!

Like that moment we have with our friends when they’re like “hey I got something to tell you 👀” or they approach you like “so… umm… I’ve been kind of noticing your behavior lately around this person.” It’s the realistic little things like that which is why I appreciate this show so much.

Julie having the line of “what no! Luke’s a ghost!” Means so much that, on top of acknowledging “hey he’s got a cute smile, and he himself is cute” she also acknowledged “…he is a ghost though…” but then our Julie being who she is (we love her for it) went “but he still do be cute though 🥰” like this is a genuine teen girl in high school having a crush

And then later on when Reggie and Alex bring up how Luke and Julie ooze chemistry (and the way that throughout the show when Julie and Luke are being cute and them, the looks that we see Reggie and Alex give like Juke and then each other is so good bc I genuinely believe like “yeah these boys are all friends with one another so of course they’d react that way to their other friend showing an interest in their fellow friend”) Luke’s like “no come on I have chemistry with everyone I sing with” HE DOES THE SAME THING JULIE DID WHEN THE EXACT SAME TOPIC EAS BROUGHT UP TO HER! (Soulmates your honor!)

Him denying it, like Julie did, implies too that he also had the thinking of “…she is alive though and I’m not” (I mean me personally I feel like Luke didn’t truly realize he liked her until later on even if there were signs earlier, just bc he seems like the kind of person where like music was his absolute everything like even if the Sunset Curve fangirls were always like ‘omg Luke is amazing 😍’, I just get the vibe that he would never really notice the advances towards him bc he is just so consumed in music and that is his whole existence, so when Reggie and Alex see that Luke appears to be falling for Julie it’s a big deal bc they’re probably like “Luke has NEVER shown any interest ever so the fact that a girl has replaced music in his life THIS IS A MASSIVE DEAL”)

And then the moment when they’re on Julie’s porch and she tries to hold his hand but ya know CANT (huge what a gut punched) and then she awkwardly looks away and he’s like “…this is an interesting little relationship you and I have” and they’re just there for a moment just looking and smiling at each other (THEY’RE FLIRTING SO MUCH WITHOUT SAYING ANY WORDS UGH TAKE ME 😩)

I am sat there genuinely believing that these are two teenagers who even though they know they’re not *supposed* to feel a way about each other, they still do. Like that scene is their confession to one another and it’s so sweet and genuine bc in that moment where Julie tries to hold his hand, they’re brought back to reality as to what they are and yet, they can’t help but still like one another and appreciate each other bc of what the other person has changed so much in their life.

AND THEN, that scene in the beginning of the last episode how Julie asks to talk to Luke (and Reggie and Alex immediately are like “oop leave them be 👀 they’re having a moment” being the greatest friends that they are) and they’re both standing there, in each others presence, it takes a moment for Julie to say what she wants to but they’re just two kids who ended up in each others lives and they know they like each other but they know they can’t act on those feelings yet they still just have this love for each other is so enduring and charming. The way Luke tells her “anything Julie you know that” MAKES ME MELT like ugh 😩 their dynamic and friendship has grown so much with each other from episode 1 to like now and it’s so just ugh it gets me

When I think how Juke could have been approached if we had gotten a chance, I would have loved to see the new like “glowing touch” development and how that would impact their dynamic. (I just imagine Reggie just hugs Julie all the time bc he can (he just seems like such a hugger and I feel like he’d give good ones🥺) and Alex also will gives her side hugs (they just take advantage of being able to physically touch her bc they don’t know how long they’re able to do it for with their new ghost development)) I feel like Luke and Julie would just be a bit apprehensive since the hand holding thing on the porch, and maybe their hug was just a one time thing.

Would have loved to see Carlos referring to Luke as “Julie’s boyfriend” (he was there for edge of great and stand tall THERES NO WAY he’s thinking anything of than “the sleeveless one is indeed my sisters boyfriend”) would be extra great too with like Luke being in the room and Carlos just says that and Julie quickly trying to make him not talk about it bc it’s embarrassing 💀 her just being like “Carlos, he’s a ghost” and him being like “…hey with you having a boyfriend are you going to have less time with Dad and I bc you’ll be busy kissing him?” And Julie’s face just goes pale as Luke takes the time to take himself out of room meanwhile his face his like bright red

Would have loved to see when Carrie’s redemption is happening and it’s Julie and Carrie and Carrie’s like “sooooo 👀 I’ve seen how you look at your guitarist” and she immediately tries to shut it down but Carrie is like “Jules, we may not have been that close in the past year and some but we’ve known each other for how long? I can see your tells!”

I just think a lot about how this ship, even though they’re not meant to like each other yet they do and still care about each other, would have been approached more if we got the chance

[baddestbittyontheblock]

joel miller fic recs

you are responsible for the content you consume‼️

✧*:·˚ hi everyone!! here is a list of all the fics that are my favs with tagged writers/authors ✧*:·˚

✧*:·˚ remember to like and reblog the works you enjoy in order to support each writer!! ✧*:·˚

✧*:·˚ however, make sure you read the information on each story themselves such as triggers & warnings ✧*:·˚

✧*:·˚ also, if you'd like me to remove your fic from this list, message me! ✧*:·˚

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

*✧* for you, anything by @mellowsaturns joel miller x reader | fluff, soft!joel, domesticity, established relationship, reader caught a cold, sick fic

-joel do what he does best, smuggling and taking care of you

*✧* good thing by @pedros-mustache joel miller x fem!reader | smut (18+ only). also: established relationship, angst, non-planned pregnancy, implied sex-for-pay, age gap, language, 4k

-“how long have you known?”

*✧* i'm right here by @orangevtae joel miller x fem!reader x platonic!ellie williams | reader uses she/her pronouns, mentions to panick attacks and PTSD's, reader is seen like a mother figure to ellie, hurt/comfort, death and blood (typical TLOU thing), joel and reader are in a stabilished relationship, slight mentions to episode 4

-ellie needs reassurance that you are alive and well after an infected surprise attack while you were taking a walk with her

*✧* hopelessly devoted to you by @omg-foreverfilledwithweird-posts joel miller x fem!reader | SMUT 18+, fluff, AGE GAP (reader is late twenties, joel is like 56), language, near death experience, violence, oral f receiving, p in v penetration, unprotected sex, enemies to lovers ish, just filth, daddy kink, slight angst, mentions of death, injuries, tending wounds, rough!Joel, dom!joel

-you’ve been by ellie’s side since she was little, a family figure and her protector, after both of your families passed away and you found one another in the qz. so, when the gruff and demanding joel miller steps into the picture to take you both to the lab ellie needs, the two of you don’t see eye to eye. but after time passes, attraction settles in and you and Joel might feel more for the other than you thought. 

*✧* faithful by @mypoisonedvine joel miller x reader | smut (18+ only; oral f receiving, unprotected sex, very slight dacryphilia kinda?, a touch of degradation and dumbification in there, and virginity loss with some pain and one mention of blood), heavy age gap (not specified but the reader is absolutely an adult), insecure crybaby reader, unrequited love/pining, reader wants to fuck joel so bad it makes her look stupid (and we love that for her cause same), angst, tess getting kinda screwed over but only because it's absolutely necessary for the plot, emotionally repressed joel, mention of reader's parents being deceased (implied to be infected), 9.2k

-joel wasn't looking for a follower, or a protégé, or an employee— whatever you're supposed to be— when he saved some dumbass kid from a couple runners. but he ended up with you anyways, and you swore to always be faithful to him... in every way.

*✧* a warm bed by @guess-my-next-obsession joel miller x fem!reader | E (18+ only, mature descriptions of death/apocalyptic life, blurry infidelity, unprotected PIV, dirty talk, cum play), 3.4k

-it was freezing out today in boston but you didn’t notice, not with the flames that burned beside you as you hoisted dead child after dead child into the makeshift mass crematorium.

*✧* joel fic by @forever-rogue joel miller x fem!reader | 2.3k

-people always seemed to call you shy. 

*✧* joel fic by @forever-rogue joel miller x fem!reader | language; tlou typical violence, 3.4k

-“do you really think this place is safe?”

*✧* first time by @charnelhouse joel miller x fem!reader |

-"i can't," you gasp, nails biting into his shoulders. "it's-fuck-too much-too much."

*✧* crazy love by @cowgurrrl joel miller x fem!reader (plus platonic fem!reader x ellie williams) | mentions of david, nightmares, a panic attack, 1.3k

-ellie has a nightmare and you and Joel help calm her down

*✧* safe with you by @flightlessangelwings joel miller x fem!reader | established relationship, protective!joel, hurt/comfort, attempted harassment, choking (the non-sexy kind), minor character death, feelings, fluff, tommy’s the best wingman, support from Ellie, no use of y/n, 2.8k

-the bar bustled with life as you made your way through the crowd. you carried as many beers as you could at a time for the group that had arrived in jackson earlier that day.

*✧* his protection by @absurdthirst joel miller x fem!reader | post apocalyptic violence, mentions of gun violence, mentions of blood, murder, torture, gore, rough sex, unprotected sex, kidnapping, imprisonment, threats of cannibalism, unhinged delusions of grandeur, fire, being restrained, allusions to sexual assault, 5.2k

-when david's group takes you and ellie to their settlement, you warn them that joel will come for you. knowing that he will do whatever it takes to get back those under his protection.

*✧* teamwork by @allfoolsinluv crave!joel miller x fem!reader x tess servopoulos | explicit, 18+ only. Minors DNI, established poly relationship, m/f/f dynamics, age gap (reader's in her 20s, Joel & tess are in their 40s), unprotected p-in-v (wrap it up folks), dirty talk, praise, low-key dom/sub undertones, nipple play, fingering (f receiving), language, 1.2k

-did you come already?, spread your legs for (me), I want to see you

*✧* joel blurb by @sprout-fics joel miller x gn!reader

-"get inside."

*✧* a part of you, a part of me by @apollyonsdarksecrets joel miller x fem!reader | 18+ minors DNI. smut, unplanned pregnancy, crying, fluff, pre-outbreak joel. established relationship, cream pie, pet names, cussing, pregnancy tests, just a bunch of happiness because that’s all joel deserves in this world.

-joel’s been down this road before, he’s seen all the signs, and he knows before you ever do that you’re pregnant.

*✧* on his backseat by @causeimhappinesss  joel miller x gn!reader | smut, age gap (reader in her 20s), unprotected sex, slight breeding kink + wrap your biscuit

-all day long, a crazy tension had built up between you and Joel, at first for a silly little thing, but he refused to agree with you, when you were absolutely right.

*✧* moments silence by @nexusnyx joel miller x reader | canon-divergence; reader and tess met joel at the same time, and all three became a tight-knit unit, explicit mature content, minors dni; age gap, mentions of canon-typical violence, confessions, touch starved, dry humping, oral sex (m receiving), slow & deep sex, but also rough sex?, dirty talk, little spoon joel.

-joel has no idea why bill gifts him with the book. had he rambled about you that much? It seemed impossible—to be fair, but surely there were other things besides your name on his tongue. besides how much you love your books and care for them. Besides how much he's learned since he met you because of them.

*✧* maybe now by @supernaturalgirl20 joel miller x fem!reader | smut 18+, explicit, unprotected sex, PinV sex, breeding kink, mentions of loss, sadness, talks about life before, mentions of pregnancy, giving birth, breastfeeding, soft joel, small glimpses into Joel’s life with his new family.

-happy horny joel with major breeding kink because ellie is already grown up and he need to take care of somebody and jackson is safe enough for family.

*✧* blood in the cut by @wheresarizona  joel miller x fem!reader | E (18+!! this is straight-up smut. age gap (20-25 years, unspecified), unprotected p in v (wrap it up!), rough sex, oral sex (f receiving), dirty talk, praise kink, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, spit mention, (1) spank, soft joel at the end)

-you’re distracted while working with joel, and it almost costs you your lives. luckily, he knows how to get you out of your head—it’s just a little surprising because you didn’t think he liked you, but here he is eating you out like it’s his last meal.

*✧* the babysitter by @guess-my-next-obsession pre-outbreak! joel x babysitter!reader | E (18+ ONLY, smut under cut, age gap (Joel’s 32, reader is 25), fwb to lovers, unprotected piv, creampie, joel has feeeeeeelings, soft ending), 1.2k

-“quiet, baby,”

*✧* joel fic by @eufezco joel miller x fem!reader

-"ask her out."

*✧* fucking runners by @jpg-angel joel miller x reader | Minors DNI!, hurt/comfort, mentions of an injury, reader mercy kills tess, OOC Joel? (maybe? idk I blacked out while writing this), fingering, p in v sex, unprotected sex (I don't think condoms are easy to come across in the zombie apocalypse), little but of hair pulling

*✧* pieces of you by @pedros-mustache joel miller x fem!reader | established relationship, language, references to sex, references to age gap

-maybe it’s wrong. maybe it’s possessive and a tad bit jealous. maybe after years working alongside tess, you’ve simply learned to lay your claim on what is yours. 

*✧* first glimpse of love by @valerinaswriting joel miller x fem!reader | established relationship, age gap (sorry i can’t help myself), reader is attacked by a clicker, mentions of death, soft!joel, shower sex, unprotected sex, slight cockwarming, tess does not exist in this fic!

-after a close call with death, joel refuses to let you go.

*✧* joel fic by @forever-rogue joel miller x fem!reader | 2.4k

-"you came back for me"

*✧* joel angst by @forever-rogue  joel miller x fem!reader | language, tlou typical violence, 3.4k

-reader gets hurt protecting ellie and joel tells reader he loves them for the first time

*✧* not a kid by @ourautumn86 joel miller x fem!reader | +18 content. mdni. age difference (r is 24 and joel is 56), fighting, mentions of death, images of death, murder, dirty talking, praising, oral sex, piv sex, rough angry sex, finger fucking, unprotected sex (GUYS WRAP THE DONG UP), cream pie…

-“are you alright?!”

*✧* i got you baby by @cosmictheo joel miller x fem!reader | angst, death mentions, suicide mentions, mental breakdown, crying fit, some backstory from reader's past, joel being the most comforting best boyfriend ever, ellie being the angel she is, 2k

- joel helps you through a emotional breakdown after henry and sam's death.

*✧* crazy love by @cowgurrrl joel miller x fem!reader (plus platonic fem!reader x ellie williams) | 1.3k, mentions of David, nightmares, a panic attack

-ellie has a nightmare and you and Joel help calm her down

*✧* for the things they hold dear by @cruelfvkingsummer  joel miller x reader | kinda dark, fucked up love, kinda toxic, possessive, controlling, AGE GAP (unspecified but mentioned a lot), nasty smut, breeding kink, like literally nasty, violence, blood, God is like his literal enemy, calls you 'mama; sugar; sweetheart',there are mentions of blood while doing the nasty, daddy kink (mentioned a few times), joel is emotionally constipated but hey who can blame him, unbeta'd

-he can't say he loves you -- he doesn't need to.

*✧* joel fic by @eufezco joel miller x reader | a little smut at the end

-you're a little jealous of tess.

[narcjsistx]

Omg heyyy!, I find your writing quite good, keep up the good work ♥️. May i request Izana x gf reader. Just reader being smitten and whipped for him, like he could literally be beating /killing someone and shes just staring with lovesick eyes and thinking 'Oh Izana , such a cutiepie. My cute boyfriend. I'll even help him hide the body if he wants.....'

And Izana stating she is his Queen and the Queen of Tenjiku

𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

— Oh, my toxic loverboy

Izana is my favorite poison, my obsession. I know, I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it. Every time I see him, the world comes down to him, every thought, every breath, everything is for him. I want it with such intensity that sometimes it scares me, but it's a fear that I like, that excites me. We found each other, and from that moment it's as if we couldn't do without each other. We are always together, united in this strange vortex that for others might seem toxic, but for us it is everything. I don't want to run away from this, in fact, I just want to dive deeper

— Izana: If I ever had to kill Mikey, what would happen between us?

- You: I would help you get rid of the body, my loverboy

Our arguments, our fights, are just another way to feel alive, remind us of how much we care for each other. It doesn't matter how much we get hurt, because in the end we always come back together, hungrier than before, more eager to own each other. I know that others don't understand, that they look at us with that look of disapproval, but I don't care. No one can understand what it means to be with Izana. He is my dark half, my reflection in a distorted mirror, and I am his. We are united by something stronger than simple attraction, something that consumes and nourishes us at the same time

— Izana: You're a whore when you do that, but please, come home. I need to see you, I love you and you know it

— You: Scream at me one more time and I'll smash that damn record of yours that you care about so much. I'm coming back, I hope it's for a good reason

Izana has become everything to me. I wake up thinking about him, and go to sleep with his name on my lips. And Izana… Izana wants me all to herself. He can't stand the idea that there is something or someone between us. He's jealous of everything, even my time: he isolates me from friends, family, and I let it happen... deep down, I'm convinced it's a sign of how much he loves me

— Izana: You just need me. Others exist only to distance us, right?

— You: I push others away, I need you to breathe. To feel alive I need you to be by my side

— Izana: Good girl

Yet, there is a part of me that feels suffocated. I'm short of air, but I can't tear myself away. When we are not together, I feel lost, empty, as if a part of me remains with him even if I don't know where he is. And when we are close, the whole world seems to disappear. But I know, deep down, that this isn't love: it's obsession. A mutual dependence that is slowly destroying us, but which I can't do without. It's a sick bond, and yet, I would never want to break it

— Izana: We both know it's obsession and not love, right?

— You: Yes. But it doesn't bother me

— Izana: Until death, then?

— You: And even after, my loverboy

The truth is that I got lost in him, or maybe I allowed myself to get lost. I no longer recognize who I was before Izana came into my life. At first, it was like he filled a void I didn't even know I had. His every gesture, every word, seemed to be exactly what I needed, and so I let myself be carried away. I've realized that I no longer make decisions without first asking myself what he would think. Every thought, every action, is filtered through his gaze. And him? He does the same. He tells me that he can't imagine his life without me, that I am his reason for existing after years of suffering

— Izana: You will be my bride within a year maximum, Mrs. Kurokawa

— You: I like your last name

— Izana: I'll like it more when you have it too, love

I have asked myself several times if it is possible to live without him. But the very idea throws me into an irrational panic. It's like I need his chaos, his possessiveness, to feel real. And so, I continue to remain trapped in this relationship that is slowly consuming me, and I like it. I don't know if it's love, or just fear of being alone, but one thing is sure: Izana has become my obsession. And I his

— Izana: Oh, my Queen. The Queen of Tenjiku, the only woman who will ever and never leave my life

[melissa-titanium]

HELLOOO CAN I TALK TO YOU ABT DOLL

do you think that like, her being at school let her have some escape from her home and her revenge plans, like in this picture she is smiling and it looks way more like a happy smile than here

SHE IS HAPPY TO GET HER REVENGE, BUT SHE LOOKS SO TIRED, EVEN HER LAUGH IS TIRED

its like shes getting worse from the kills, in her house there was enough oil for her to not kill any other drones, yet her plan had to work, but it didnt, and only let her feeling more guilty

EVERYONE IS ALLOWED TO SEND ME SHIT ABOUT DOLL ALWAYS AT ANY TIME EVER FOREVER AND EVER. I LITERALLY NEED HER. SHES SO FUCKING COOL. BUT OMG HI YES HOLD ON

thats such an interesting take on pilot doll omg HI???? YES I CAN TOTALLY SEE THIS CONSIDERING WE DONT SEE DOLL IN SCHOOL OUTSIDE OF THE PILOT. HIIII YES OMG ok ok.

i havent actually thought this much about this. i personally think her in the pilot vs her in promening was like. not really a Whole big difference but like...the fact that lizzy now has access to v set her off. shes always been a little unsettling, a little fucking deranged but maybe something happened between ep 1 and 3 thatr was like. lizzy came to her like... hey, one of the disassembly drones came by my bunk the other day. was this the one? (shows doll a pic) and doll just FUcking Loses it . i think she was actively vengeful during the pilot too but YES like ur saying its almost a .grounding thing. everyone here is real and alive. and then at the end of the day she has to go back and face dozens upon dozens upon dozens of corpses that are there because of HER and its liike. idk i imagine shes 18-22 . shes young as hell. and that FUCKS WITH YOU. this is doll to me:

they know damn well her parents are dead but she's just under being eerie enough that no one really suspects her for anything going on. she's relatively normal around lizzy & not aggressive but not outgoing with other students. like to everyone, shes just a normal kid who lost her parents. plenty of kids have lost their parents, considering the murder drones lurking *right outside the bunker.*

i think she would get tired. yeah. she held onto the all consuming debilitating hatred for these genocidal war machines that killed her parents and countless others. then heartbeat happens, and suddenly people are Okay with them??? that would fucking set her OFF. so long, so fucking long shes been holding onto her anger and not being able to do anything about it . BUT NOW SHE CAN. ough ok but then theres those conflicting feelings bcos of uzi. u can see in promening she has SOME sense of... for lack of a better word, humanity in how she treats uzi (hell even tossing lizzy out of the way when she started killing people.) i think she picks and choses who she cares about and then is usually consistent in how she treats them. basically; dont get on her bad side. she's conflicted at the end of ep3 after learning uzi has the solver; but uzi is siding with the murder drones and thats HER loss for being SCHTUPIDDDDDDDD!!!! but then again, she finally has someone who understands what shes going through... but also AUGH..! i have to kill v i HAVE to kill v ive gotten so far i cant give up now FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! i think there would be so much of her being conflicted between uzi knows what i feel. but also uzi is siding with the bitch who killed my fucking parents. i think she would just spiral and spiral until dead end comes along and she has a decision to make. and she makes it. and uzi is Fucked and v is Fucked and n and tessa are FUCKEd AND OK TYHIS IS GETTING LONG IM DONE

doll jumpscare

[ddarker-dreams]

OMG YOUR ALIVE PLZ ANYTHINT CHROLLO IM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH I NEED THIS MAN AND I NEED HIM FROM YOU PLEASE IM BEGGING ALL I WANT IS FOR THIS MAN TO KIDNAP ME AND HOLD ME AND KISS MY TEARS AWAY PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE

dealer's choice ???? let's GOOOOOOOOOO

-

Chrollo's noticed a peculiar habit of yours.

Normally, you do your best to avoid him as if he were a leper who would pass on the disease seconds after coming into contact with you. While he's been working to mitigate this, none of his efforts have borne fruit. Yet. You continue to act like the air around him is a biohazard, no matter the amount of charm he exudes.

This is your modus operandi except for on one occasion, where you actually seek him out, and not the other way around.

Every morning, after breakfast has been consumed, he goes to the vanity in the suite master bedroom to shave. You never trail far behind. While he gets his straight razor out, you situate yourself on the corner of the bed. You then seek his counsel on all sorts of matters. Asking his thoughts on the movie you watched last night, the latest book he's been reading, or the geography of the country you're inhabiting; in essence, your cold disposition melts away.

Naturally, he figured you had some ploy up your sleeve for this unprecedented willingness to socialize. He took this with a grain of salt. So long as you're interacting with him, he's perfectly content.

It isn't until today, when you lean forward as his razor passes over his neck, that a thought occurs to him.

"Sweetheart?" he croons, in a voice he knows you loathe.

"Hm?"

"Are you by any chance hoping I'll mistakenly slice my carotid artery?"

Ah, by the look on your face, he must've hit the nail on the head.

"Uh... no...?"

Lying was never your forte and he's glad for it.

In the mirror's reflection, he observes how you shuffle uncomfortably with amusement. "Have I ever told you that you're very cute?"

A sigh — long and tired. "Unfortunately, yeah."

He smiles and returns to his task.

"You'll be hearing it plenty from this day forward, so don't pout, darling."

[chesterfieldmcguffin]

No but for real, they pull some bullshit death and kill half of my otp, I’m telling everyone the ones who live only had 4 episodes. I mean Gimple said it himself, the series could end right there.

Omg my heart I can’t take it. Guys everyone I knew told me Rick and Michonne were platonic and I was wistful for thinking their interactions were anything more than friendship.

And now what? We got my man out here, craziest motherfucker in the zombie apocalypse, ready to tear your throat out with his mouth, telling the love of his life that he basically dreamt in fanfiction to stay alive, dreamt of different ways they fell in love? SORRY, ARE YOU SERIOUS KILL ME RIGHT NOW WHY DONT YOU!!?? Tell me who is doing it like them?? Platonic WHO PLATONIC WHERE???? Romeo and Juliet who? Tristan and Isolde where? (Not disparaging their love stories, but how am I meant to consume romantic couples the same way after this?)

Anyway, if you couldn’t already tell, this episode messed me up. The Ones Who Live didn’t come to play.

[nightcolorz]

woahh okay first time i attempted to send this ask my tumblr glitched and deleted it. idk if it sent but ignore it if so i wanted to reword it anyway. (tw for sa discussions and sexual abuse/trauma)

either way ive been thinking a lot about the post you wrote about armand’s (or amadeo’s) hypersexuality in venice and i saw a very similar post on twitter, essentially saying armand was so confused and horny in venice and ended up going to bianca for solice (then feeling incredibly guilty about it) and then later harlech as he weaponised his sexuality as a form of revenge on marius “ignoring” him (eventually tragically leading to his death)

it just puts such a tragic image into my head of amadeo in bianca’s bedchamber, crying and crying after having sex with her because he doesn’t understand why he feels the way he does, why he desires sex so much after all he’s been through, and not realising it is a trauma response, a last ditch effort to keep himself alive by acclimatising to his environment of sexual abuse, and then it later killing him anyway.

Armand is so Sad. im so sad.

any other thoughts from you?

doooonttt worry lol ur previous ask didn’t send haha (I’m sorry stinky tumblr deleted it tho damn) but I LOVE this ask so thank u sm for resending it!!

omgg this makes me so sad holy shit 😭 I never made the connection that Amadeo’s hyper sexuality reaction to sa trauma led to his death but ugh, omg, ur so right that’s so tragic. It’s also specifically Marius abusing him that leads him to his death, bcus Armand feeling the massive loss of agency and control over his life and sexuality cuz of Marius causes him to get with harlech (someone he knows is dangerous) bcus he wants to make Marius angry and to distance himself from his perceived control by self destructing. Marius starts having Armand go to brothels against his will, Marius resents Armand for doing the thing he told him to and starts “ignoring him”, boom harlech boom death

the Bianca thing is so interesting, especially Armand’s guilt and perceived lack of control of his actions. It’s like, he is realizing that for reasons he can’t understand he isn’t able to control his sexual impulses and he is consumed by them in a way that dictates his behavior, which is scary as shit especially for someone who has been taught to be frightened of sexuality for his entire life. Armand seems to perceive himself being hyper sexual as akin to being like his abusers, where he seems to think that since he can’t control his sexual urges and makes poor decisions bcus of horniness hes akin to a rapist which 😰💔 that type of guilt is rlly common for sa victims who experience complicated reactions to trauma unfortunately. But ugh.

slight change of topic, but I always think about how hard and strange it must’ve been for Amadeo to go from 24/7 sex and sexual urges to sexless being thrown into catholic cult where u can’t bathe urself let alone fuck. Like that’s the kind of whiplash between two harmful extremes that makes someone into a person like Armand, lmao

[spookykoolkat]

the red j.m. | chapter one

CHAPTER ONE: STIFF AND COLD

series masterlist | main masterlist | next chapter

pairings: older!joel miller x younger!plus sized!reader

chapter summary: the life you lived was not the one you wanted, and unfortunately on your journey to absolutely nowhere, you were heroically saved by two men who were far from heroes.

warnings: su*cidal tendencies, thoughts, and actions (attempted su*cide), poor mental health, swearing, mentions of brief violence, MDNI!

wc: 5K

na: omg omg omg omg i'm so excited to share this with everyone. i've been working on this series for about two weeks now, and i'm trying to make sure everything is perfect before i post. thank you guys for ALLLLL the love and support i've gotten it makes me feel so warm inside :P please do nottt be shy! i love feeback, i love the comments and the asks, i'm friendly!!! AND thank you for 100 followers omg my gift to U! please like and reblog and leave your thoughts and comments i love all of it!!! i hope this is good!

YOU

november 15th, 2024

this was fucking impossible. 20 years later. and still, fighting to survive. fighting your way to survive by yourself, losing the people you stuck by, fighting to save people just for them to be taken by the world you lived in. you were pissed, to say the least. and as you trudge through city after city, sleeping and camping in the woods, killing those who were alive and those who weren’t people anymore, you truly wished you were dead. you practically were, it was going to find you sooner or later. death. 

but you accepted it. you knew that this long trail of steps you've taken from texas to where ever you are now, was going to come to an end. but it wasn't ending without a never ending fight you put up for yourself. as long as you were here, you refused to accept defeat and lay down to die.

with all of the silence you had to yourself, you found yourself thinking a lot. you remembered the first day it started, down to the minute, down to what you were wearing. you were only five, five years old when everything came crashing down, literally. you promised yourself that the fear you felt growing up as a child  and having to watch everyone you’ve ever loved be ripped from you, picking up a gun to shoot your first clicker, and picking it up again to kill those who tried to kill you—you wouldn’t experience again. 

so, you avoided civilization. or what FEDRA called civilization. it was bullshit to you. it felt like an excuse for not having anything locked and loaded in a situation like this, and it felt the same as your last government. it was suppression, control, lack of free will. they wanted assimilation and compliance in return for what seemed like a dictatorship ran by none other, those in power. those who were left at least. you'd been trapped inside of a QZ not too far from texas, one with harsh summers and hot winters. you felt like you were in actual hell.

you avoided people, their pleas for help as you traveled by yourself or in groups that never lasted long. the only person that mattered in this world was you, and there was no grace from god that you would find any other family, any other friends—because you had none. you didn't make any, and you were better off for it.

you couldn’t deny that you had days where you wanted to let it go. let all of the survival tactics, the lessons you’ve learned from people you traveled with—let yourself be consumed by the evil of the world.

you also didn’t understand why people, and yourself, fought so hard to live in a world that was worse than the one before. why people fought so hard to live in a world where now, people just take. it was an endless cycle of blood and violence, the only way of survival is by taking. never giving, because when you give, you’re dead. 

but you realized if you didn't fight, if you didn't resort to a bullet to the head, you would die just like the ones around you. you tried to be better than the people that were left. by better you meant not resorting to killing innocent people to survive, but you failed. and so did the rest of the world.

you really didn't know who was innocent and who was guilty. it wasn't black and white. everyone did what they needed to do to survive, and if it meant being the guilty one, then you were okay with that. some people were in the wrong place at the wrong time, fighting for the wrong side, invested in a belief that the world will be good if we are divided.

you refused to take the accountability of taking someone's life. it wasn't your fault. this wasn't what you were made to be doing. you told yourself, but the blood on your hands said otherwise. it was this fucked up cycle that you grew apart of, because if you didn't assimilate you would die. so it got easier to take the lives of people, it was for your own safety.

as you carefully stepped in the snow, nothing but rocks, trees and snow surrounding you, you thought about how this was almost comical to you. how many movies about zombie apocalypses, night of the living dead, were out and you still felt it was impossible. there was no way that the world could turn into ruins within 24 hours, no way that your friends and family turned into vessels, having to die at your hand. this was simply too hard to wrap your head around, even being almost 26 years old now. you truly didn’t know how you made it this long, how you were able to keep up and fight despite everything–even down to the way you were shaped.

you were five when it happened, not knowing what the concept of anything really was. and as you got older— you did what you could to make surviving the easiest for you, rummaging through empty yet not so empty malls to find a decent sports bra, taking feminine hygiene needs and making sure your clothes fit loose/tight enough for your benefit. you learned as you lived, and you didn’t have much around you to learn from. you imagined being a woman in the real world was less difficult than this, but realized that life as a woman has never been easy. just made it more real in the apocalypse.

the violence, the danger, the belief towards women just got worse. you were at risk just existing, and the infected that walked amongst you weren't the only danger of humanity. you knew that you'd die by the hands of your fellow person, a clicker, or hunger. it was only a matter of time.

it wasn’t until you heard the sounds of the devilish creatures screech in a distance that you shook back to your reality. it was way too dark, snow falling too fast to see clearly, only using your ability of sight and precision to protect yourself. your gun felt light in your hand as you squeezed, finger lightly over the trigger as you reminded yourself of quietness. you knew you should’ve stayed back, waited until the sun was out to at least search for safety. but you knew you wouldn’t make it, the stab wound was lodged deep in your abdomen. you held the wound tight hoping to stop the bleeding, bit it was too much, too deep.

you realized the time you took to reflect back on your life and stolen childhood, it was your life flashing before your eyes. 

you truly didn’t know where you were, you didn’t know how you got there, and you knew this might be your last night. here you were in the midst of snow and darkness, and you felt yourself losing hope. what were you fighting for exactly? you were tired. you fled from your safe space miles back, and you fled from the place before that, and before that. all you knew was that your stomach was crying to be fed and fixed up, your throat was dry with nothing but a lick of spit, and while you made your way closer towards the sound of a river you noticed that the sound of clickers sounded more distant.

there was no pain in your stomach anymore, it was a throbbing dullness now and you felt the tips of your fingers tingling, becoming frozen around your gun. you weren’t sure if it was because your ears began to ring and your vision started blacking out on the edges, but you felt sick. 

before you could even register that you were going down, you fell into the hard snow and accepted the fact that this was it. and it was okay. you sunk into the darkness, feeling warm all around now, and allowed it. 

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

tommy and joel were on their patrol route around the commune when they heard the sound of screeching, possibly heading the other way. it was late when maria told tommy there was a wire tripped right outside of the commune, needing him and joel to take a patrol shift at eleven at night instead of the two rookies that were on it. 

“they ain’t gonna come over here,” tommy reassured, mostly for himself after hearing the screeches of distant infected.

“right,” joel sarcastically agreed, keeping his rifle aimed and ready for anything and anyone to jump out at him or tommy. joel kept following the trail he remembered following himself, wanting to make sure there wasn’t anything going on without his knowledge of it. 

joel was tired, to be frank. but the minute he heard there was a threat around the area, he didn't waste time to gear up and tell ellie to stay inside while he's gone. now, he and tommy were searching for something, anything that could be the cause of maria's concern.

they walked around a little more, searching the ground area and looking within the trees, finding nothing but a few deer and elk. 

“joel!” tommy yelled out. 

joel stopped in his tracks, tightening the grip on his rifle and immediately following his brother’s panicked voice. 

“joel! c’mere man, holy fuck,” tommy shouted, sending joels heart racing and making him speed up, passing by trees and large rocks to get to him.

“where are ya?” he shouted panicked, and as tommy said ‘over here,’ joel followed his voice, the only thing he could hear being the crunch of the snow. finally, he made it towards the river where tommy was kneeling down before something, something that looked like a body. 

“look man, we gotta take her back,” tommy said, checking her pulse and setting his gun down. joel just shook his head, looking at the small pool of blood that trailed from the woman's abdomen in the snow.

“she’s dead. if she’s been out here for however long, she’s gone. ain’t worth it.” he gruffly said, pointing his rifle at the body instead. 

“joel her heart is beatin’, i can feel her pulse. we gotta take her,” tommy said and joel felt himself grow angry. 

“it ain’t worth it.” he said once again and tommy shook his head, moving to flip your body over to see your face.

tommy swiftly moved your backpack and gun out of the way, and saw how blue your face was. your lips were practically purple, and your body was freezing cold, stiff. both the men's eyes trailed to the blood soaked white shirt that clung to your body, the injury deep and wide. but tommy saw the shallow breaths, he saw your chest stutter as it tried to rise and fall. 

“she’s just a kid, joel,” he said.

he was right. joel was fifty seven, and tommy was nearing his late forties and he could tell you weren’t older than thirty. why should it matter? he wanted to say, but he knew. his own lack of trust makes him take a bit to decide. what if it’s a trap? what if she got bit? then she wouldn’t be cold and frozen, idiot. what if this is just a distraction? from what! joel’s inner thoughts fighting with each other, fighting with his gut and finally closed his eyes hard before opening them back up.

“fuck,” he sighed and moved his rifle to sit on his shoulder, going to tommy and deciding to just pick your body up and carry you bridal style. 

tommy saw joel was angry, already knowing the thoughts in his mind saying she wasn't worth it, the girl's practically dead.

“go,” joel demanded and began to follow him as tommy protected the both of you. he didn’t know if this was a good idea. if taking you in and disrupting the course of nature was the best idea. just another mouth to feed. he thought to himself. if you even survived this. he knew he was cold hearted, he knew he wasn’t close to being a good person. 

joel couldn’t help it. he was selfish, he was hard headed, and he was cold. children, women, animals, it got to a point where it was all the same to him. if you were gone, you were gone. he’d killed so many clickers who posed themselves as children, so many women who weren’t women anymore, families even. he was desensitized in the worst way and even though it benefited him and helped keep him alive for twenty years, it was his biggest downfall. 

a little bit of him wished he was softer. more inviting, more trusting but in what fucking world? this was always a world of hate, he thought. a world of pain and despair, and it was only a matter of time before it turned into some sort of hell. 

and as he carried you in your arms, limp and blue, he wondered if you were even going to make it. what was the point of trudging through all of this snow for a dead body? he didn’t have much hope for anything else, for anything but his and ellie’s survival. and as you soaked his shirt with blood, he highly doubted there was a chance you'd live. maybe it was for the best.

joel was just so angry. this was not what he wanted to find. he did not want to be responsible for another person, one who seemed like she didn't even put up a fight. had she walked thirty more feet she would've made it. he thought.

the thing about joel is that the things that softened everyone else up, just made him irritated. even the fact that ellie opened him up as much as she did, he even wanted to resent her for it. but he couldn’t, because to him he could never blame ellie for anything. she was just a kid. but she gave him something to fight for, gave him hope again in a world where hope was seen as childish, naive. he couldn’t resent her for that. 

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

was this life after death? you knew your eyes were closed, but you didn’t know how you were still conscious. until you heard the sounds of beeping and heart monitors, you believed you had found purgatory. you wanted to smile, and it creeped on your lips until you heard the noises of what sounded like people shuffling around and immediately you shot up with your eyes wide. 

you were running on pure adrenaline. where am i? what the fuck? where is my gun? who the fuck are these people?

you looked around the room to see a woman, a man and another child  in  the beds, the woman was pregnant, the child was coughing into their arm. but it wasn’t until you looked right next to you to see a man with a mustache and a woman with locs standing closer to your hospital bed. 

“where the fuck is my shit?” you asked harshly, pulling the IV out of your arm and detaching any other wires on your body. 

“no, no honey don’t do that,” the woman said as she tried to step closer to you, and as you were going to defend yourself from her touch, you looked down and saw the swollen belly in all her vulnerability. so all you did was scoot further back into your bed, not wanting to get violent. that's a first.

“where is my gun?” you asked, looking around at the makeshift infirmary that was stocked with everything you could possibly need. 

“we have it. just for right now, you can have everything back just, who are you? was there anyone else with you? do you work for anyone?” the man said swiftly.

you just laughed breathlessly, looking down at the fact that you were naked in a hospital gown but feeling the sharp pain of the wound you remembered, now wrapped with gauze around your abdomen.

“i don’t have to tell you a fuckin’ thing,” you said shaking your head. 

“just let me go. i wanna go.” you couldn’t help but feel scared. the same fear that rattled you as a kid. you couldn't even meet their eyes. you forgot how to talk to people really.

“look, we can help you. i’m tommy, this is my wife maria. she managed and built a space for us to live with the help of her community, our community,  without the threat of those ugly fuckin’ things. you’re here in jackson, wyoming. it’s a safe community.” he said and you looked between the two. wyoming?

“we don’t take kindly to strangers, dear. and you happened upon an area that was real close to our commune, tommy and his brother found you, almost dead, bleeding to death.” maria said as she sat down on the other side of the bed, you just watched her. 

“why didn’t you just leave me?” you asked, weakly. you felt so powerless. so bare. no gun, no knife, no protection. 

“i told ya,” a gruff voice said, making your eyes search the room to see a broad dark figure walking to the edge of your bed. your eyebrows knit together at him and looked away quickly.

“what were you doin’ out there anyway?” tommy asked and you shook your head, looking down at your hands. 

“how long have i been here?” you ignored his question and tommy looked between maria and the man at the foot of your bed, who watched you closely. 

“a week.” you whipped your head to maria, asking with your eyes if she was serious. 

“you were taking your last breaths when they found you. you were so frozen, so stiff we didn’t really think you’d make it past that night. but, we managed to warm you up and put a feeding tube through your nose, stitch you up, hoping for the best. we weren’t sure you’d wake up.” maria informed and you ran your fingers through your hair, suddenly tired. 

“i need to go.” you whispered. 

“go where? is there someone you’re meetin’ or waitin’ on?” tommy asked. joel was silent, watching the exchange between everyone. but his eyes never leaving your figure. he looked at you like he didn't trust you, th same way you looked at all three of them.

“are you just gonna stare at me like a fuckin’ asshole or what?” you spit, looking at the man who was staring at you and glaring at him. he was making you so angry for some odd reason, not understanding why he’s just staring and not talking. 

“no. i’m not meeting no one. i don’t work for anyone. i don’t even remember where i was last before coming up here. i knew i wasn’t gonna make it.” you confessed and the three of them looked between each other. 

“you were alone?” maria asked, getting closer. you were so tired, so drained all of the sudden. 

“been that way since 2012.” you said.

“how old are you?” joel asked finally, his arms crossed against his chest. 

“i’m twenty five.” you said reluctantly and tommy shook his head, looking at maria. tommy was right. you were just a kid. 

“how long before i can leave?” you asked.

“i want you to stay,” she said and joel looked at her sideways. this wasn’t like maria, or tommy actually. joel wondered if this was putting everything at risk, if taking you in like a lost kitten was going to jeopardize everything. 

“you don’t trust us. that’s fine. you don’t want to stay? that’s fine. but letting you go back out there right now is suicide, and you know it. stay for a few weeks, or even a week. everyone deserves a home and a community, especially now. let me help you.” maria pleaded.

she didn’t know exactly why she felt so strongly about you, why she was okay with letting everyone else be denied and dumped from this place. even killed if they didn't leave fast enough. maybe it was her pregnancy, but she felt enough compassion to compensate for all three of you.

she sensed a sadness in you. everyone carried themselves in sadness, regret, guilt. but maria had never seen it so darkly, and she’s been around joel. she knew you could protect yourself out there, that’s not why it was suicide to go back in the open. it was suicide because she knew that’s what you wanted. she knew because she’s been there before. 

“why? what for? i’m just another mouth to feed, another person to take care of. it’s better if i’m on my own.” joel wanted to laugh honestly. he said the exact same thing, and honestly felt the exact same way. he understood where you were coming from, he saw the pain in your face, the eagerness to stand alone even if it killed you. 

“the more the merrier.” 

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

you finally got your things back, but not how you remembered and when joel threw the backpack on your hospital bed, you glared at him. 

“where’s my walkman?” you asked and he raised his eyebrow. 

“your walkman? it’s 2024,” joel said as a joke and you glared at him, fisting the fabric of your backpack. 

“where is it?” you asked again and he shook his head, shrugging his shoulders. 

“it was broken, guess you landed on it or somethin’. maria took it down to get it fixed.” you looked down at your bag again and noticed your knife, ammo, and a smaller gun was still in there as well as cassettes that belonged to your mother, empty water bottles, tampons, and matches. you decided to get off the bed, leaving your backpack there and searching the room that was lined with hospital beds. 

“where are my clothes?” you asked him and he nodded to the shelf above the bed, and you sighed.

without missing a beat you swiftly got on the bed and stood up to grab the clothes, not the ones you came in but new ones, duller ones. it was a faded red t-shirt with some university logo, a black sports bra, black underwear and dark brown cargo jeans that were big enough to fit you. 

“can you close the curtain?” you asked, and he stepped back before closing it and letting you be in your own privacy to change. but you saw his shadow under the curtain, still standing there. 

“you don’t have to babysit me. i’m not gonna kill anyone.” you said as you removed the gown and slid on the undergarments quickly. 

“you think i want to? got a lot of other things to do, maria put you on suicide watch.” he said from behind the curtain, facing all the other beds and the exit. you scoffed and slid the shirt over your body, a little snug but good enough for you. 

you pulled the curtains away from you, grabbing your backpack and heading to the door that kept you. 

“where do you think you’re goin’?” he asked as he followed you, grabbing your wrist. 

“don’t fucking touch me, are you crazy?!” you asked and took the gun from your waistband, pointing it at him after cocking the hammer. 

“get your gun out of my face,” he seethed, letting your wrist go and staring at you with his hands at his side. 

“just let me go, don’t say nothin’ to them, let me be on my way. it’s what i want, and i know it’s what you want too.” you said and slowly backed away from him, watching him as carefully as he watched you. 

“i can’t let you do that,” he said.

you felt hopeless. like you were stuck there and even as you tried to back into the door, it wouldn’t budge. 

“fuck!” you screamed and used the back of your hand that was gripping the gun to wipe the sweat from your forehead.

“don’t do anythin’ stupid, just wait for maria. don’t do nothin’,” he warned and you shook your head. 

“or what?! you’ll kill me? here,” you said and cocked your gun again after letting the hammer go back into place, raising it to your temple. “i’ll fuckin’ do it for you. i’m dead anyways! i can’t leave, you’re keepin’ me here, what’s the fucking point!” 

for the first time in a while, joel felt his heart beat pick up in anxiety. he was nervous, a feeling he'd only had a few times in his life. not only because you were threatening to scatter your brains everywhere, but because you were doing it in front of three other patients, one pregnant, one child and one in a coma. not only will you traumatize him, but everyone around you and he can’t let you do that.

but a part of him feels for you. because he knows what that feeling was like. to put a gun to your own head and pull the trigger, only it didn’t seem like you’d flinch like he did when you pulled the trigger. you weren’t scared to die, he felt it. you pull the trigger and you’re dead.

joel had his hands up to you, suddenly wanting to take some of that anger and pain from you. you were nine to ten years old when you were forced to be a killer, and he knew it took so much away from you. you were desperate, you were tired, and he understood, for once in his life the sincerity and empathy was present. It was a weird feeling for him, to not want you here but to also want to make sure you’re safe from yourself.

he felt responsible now.

“give me the gun,” he said, stepping closer and closer to you as your finger danced on the trigger. you didn’t acknowledge the crying child, or the expecting mother clutching on to her belly. your eyes were on joels, turning from hard and angry to soft, worried, almost afraid. 

“i want to go,” you choked, tears streaming down your face as you pressed into the unwilling door. 

“go where? there is no where to go. i reckon your family is gone? hometown gone?” he said, his hands in surrender. 

“i shouldn’t be here.” he knew you weren’t talking about jackson. his heart twinged at it, it reminded him too much of when he and ellie witnessed the same thing a year back. he couldn't let it this happen again under his watch.

he saw your hand fall a bit weak, the barrel of the gun sliding on your temple. watching your every movement he stepped closer, and closer—until he was somewhat right in front of you. he figured if you wanted to kill yourself, you wouldn't have thought twice about pulling the trigger, you were unsure, he could tell. he took the opportunity to get as close as you allowed.

“you ain’t gotta trust us. trust is earned. but i can promise you that these folks won’t let anythin’ happen to ya,” he said, “i know what it’s like, i was you. couldn’t trust not a damn person, killed anyone i had to. i’ve lost too. but i found somethin’ worth fightin’ for.” 

you just listened. you wanted to fight him on it, you wanted to ignore everything he said and just pull the trigger. you felt it was destined, you couldn’t fight anymore, you didn’t want to. you kept the gun at your temple, and in the silence between the two of you, you hear an immediate worried and frantic ‘what are you doing’ from maria and tommy behind him. you couldn't take your eyes off of joel.

the grip on your gun just gets tighter, and joel notices. he shakes his head fast.

“stop! stay right there.” he said and held up a hand to them, still having his eyes on you. 

“i’m tired of fightin’,” he heard your slight texan accent, coming out more in the light of your crying.

maybe it was ellie, maybe it was him still mourning sarah, and all the women he failed. but he felt something in his throat tighten, watching you so vulnerable like this and he doesn’t even know you. he didn’t know why this was so different for him. he’s seen people do this, seen people want to fall off the edge. and for some reason, he can’t fail you. he can’t let you take your life. 

“if you stay here, you ain’t gotta fight by yourself no more. you ain’t alone out here,” joel said and reached slow to your hand. 

“let me help you, please,” you heard the honesty in his voice, how he was practicing pleading for you to put it down.

your eyes kept searching his as you took your lip between your teeth, streams pouring down your face. you let him grab the gun, click the safety on and put it in his waistband. and as you stood there, silently crying and staring into his eyes asking for help, asking for comfort—he couldn’t do it. he couldn’t simply wrap his arms around you to let you fall apart for a minute, he wouldn’t let himself. 

he was like stone, and even though he talked you off a ledge, his heart wouldn't open the way you needed right now. he was going to tell you to leave, to take it somewhere else because now you couldn't be trusted alone. he was angry now. the fact that you did that in front of not only him but a child, he thought you were selfish. but he couldn't blame you.

he knew something was off with you. he saw how this world chewed people up and spit them out, sometimes swallowing them whole. he knew what it did to people, turning them into monsters themselves or people too weak to fight. to him, you weren't the monster.

he was.

maria ran past joel even being five months pregnant, and took you in her arms once she got to you. but your eyes could never leave joels, you were stuck. you were out of it, out of your mind, almost out of your body. you didn’t want this life, and you didn’t want to be around strangers. for once, in a long fucking time, you were scared. 

[nimona-antifa]

"Don't be ableist uwu!!!"

Okay quick questions then.

How seriously do you take The Game? If someone tells you, "I saw a post that says I won the game!" Is your response to immediately say "noooooo that's not how it works!!!" Yeah I know how it works. It literally only exists to inflict misery on others and that you supposedly can't win no matter what you do, wreaking havoc on people who have severe anxiety? Grow the fuck up. I'm sorry if this miserable piece of shit torture game is somehow something that you want to keep alive but newsflash. We're not all just sitting around in the utopian commune sipping martinis without having to stress about whether or not we'll have somewhere to stay next month or where our next meal will come from or whether or not the almighty capitalists decide we deserve to get our next dose of medicine so maybe just let the stupid game die.

How do you judge people who consume media you consider "problematic?" Yeah. Those media. Hazbin Hotel. Helluva Boss. Bayonetta. Etc. Like. I'm sorry if trans people who were already into the Bayonetta series were excited to buy the newest game in it and got even more excited to buy it when they fired a transphobic VA. Some people have depression and easy sources of serotonin are in short fucking supply for us and need our comfort media and you saying that we should deny ourselves happiness because you have issues with said comfort media isn't very leftist of you actually.

How much patience do you have for people who talk for hours about one specific subject? Actually. Genuinely. You can post about "OMG when she infodumps 🥺 choke me mommy" all you want. But when an actual autistic trans gal is trying to explain the lore of borderlands or TF2 and is stumbling over her words and getting nervous because nobody really likes her and she's been consistently shut down and/or ignored and/or bullied for what a nerd she is? How patient and understanding are you.

How much patience do you have for people who say, "I'm sorry, can you please say/explain that again?" Whether after 5 seconds, 5 minutes, 5 hours, or 5 months, there's multiple reasons someone might struggle with this. They might have memory issues. They might have hearing issues. They might have attention span issues. They might have ADHD. They might have DID or OSDD. They might be stressed out and have a million different things on their mind. Or they might have just missed what you said. They might have not heard it or they might have just forgotten.

The point is. I get that it's easy to get caught up in ideals and paper activism but you have to remember that not being ableist requires work. It means that you can't always judge someone by what they enjoy. It means that you have to actually treat disabled people like people. If you don't take actual people into account during your activism, it doesn't mean jack shit. Unlearn your biases. Hopefully this gains some traction but I am begging you to see beyond a black and white viewpoint.

[osarina]

OMG I LOVE THE EMOJI!!! THANK YOU!!!

Vampire!Dazai 🧛 anon here because it’s time to talk about somno with Dazai again, methinks

When he was the one asleep, you partially considered yourself lucky. He was not used to sleeping without you nearby, but he did work almost four goddamn straight days in choppy territory and stressful conditions.

If it had been any other night, you would have woken him up — not even on purpose, he was just a light sleeper. But he was down for the count.

Which was great for his health, but dreadful for your — not to be crass, but you found no other way of putting it — horny self.

He was lying on your bed in a manner that made your heartbeat go erratic for a moment. He was on his back with one arm reaching towards the other side of the bed — your side of the bed. His head was tilted to face in the same direction.

You traced his jaw with a featherlight touch, enjoying the soft sigh that exited him when your skin met his for the first time that night.

(It would not be the last.)

You approached him by putting one knee on the bed, right beside his waist. You remained standing as your hand moved from his jaw to his cheek. He leaned into your touch.

Your pupils went wide. Oh, you wanted to eat him alive. To consume all he could give.

You swung your other leg over him and sat back, sitting on his pelvis with your hands on your mid-thigh. You slid your hands down towards your knees before leaning forward and placing them on either side of his head. You looked down at the person who caused so much pain and grief in the lives of others while erasing life’s inevitable dullness and loneliness from yours.

You were going to be selfish. You wanted to be selfish and indulge yourself in something you had both agreed upon a while ago.

You shifted yourself so you were straddling one of his thighs instead, since his noises were part of what got you going.

“If you were awake…” You didn’t kiss his lips, you kissed the corners of and around them.

“I wonder what you’d say.” You whispered against his jaw, grinding down against his thigh. Your breath caught at the first electric sensation; oh, you hadn’t anticipated that.

The idea that this was actually happening started to sink in.

Yeah, you could get behind this.

-sorry I got carried away because I have more but this was getting so long lmaoooo not to be tmi but can you tell I’m ovulating-

OH MY GODDDDDD DON'T APOLOGIZE U HAVE ME INSANE ACTUALLY IM SO OBSESSED WITH SOMNO IT'S MY FUCKING FAVORITE THING EVER I'M GOING TO COMBUST

... kissing down his neck and listening to all the soft noises he lets out, watching how responsive his body is to your touch even while he's fast asleep... and you feel bad because you can't imagine how exhausted he must be for him to not wake up for this. he's usually a light sleeper which is part of the reason why he has so much trouble sleeping. he lets out a shaky breath, shifting around when you free his cock from his sweats and you leave soft kisses on his lips to try to soothe him, waiting for him to settle back down before sinking down on his cock and as soon as he's buried to the hilt inside of you, his lashes are fluttering, brown eyes all hazy with sleep and confused as he tries to figure out what's going on, a moan already falling from his lips .... somno ....