#they are also both described as lions which is like. insane to me

[harriertail]

false prophets

[autisticlancemcclain]

episode one

-- -- --

[The screen seems to blink; first black then a flash of many colours, before focusing and settling on the scene the camera is filming. Seven people sit squished together on a couch – the paladins of Voltron. Some look particularly happier about the predicament than others.]

Lance, Allura (beaming): Hiya, everyone!

[Allura ducks her head to whisper something at Lance. She is not very good at whispering, so her words are picked up by the microphone.]

Allura: Did I say it correctly? Hiya?

[Lance makes a ‘perfect’ motion with his hands.]

Lance (whispering also): You nailed it!

[Both teens nod resolutely at each other and turn back to the camera.]

Lance: You guys loved that first episode. We got…so many space e-mails.

Hunk (amused): I think we can just call them e-mails, buddy.

[Lance sticks his tongue out at him, playfully annoyed, and then turns to Pidge, who is squished next to him and scowling heavily. He nudges her.]

Lance: If it’s in space, I say space. Space goo, space castle, space lions. Right, Pidgey?

Pidge (deadpan): You have three seconds to explain why I’m here or I’m tasing you again.

Lance: Yeesh, dude, fine.

[He turns to the camera, smiling, but it is significantly more mischievous than before.]

Lance: I mentioned that I got several space e-mails. Several hundred, really.

[Pidge taps her wrist.]

Lance: I’m getting there! Holy moly!

[He huffs at her, then turns his attention away, dragging something from his pocket and stuffing it into his hands before anyone can see.]

Lance: ANYWAYS. After I sorted through all the various marriage proposals for Hunk and some of the most insane strings of sentences that have ever been uttered thought or posted – and I’m a bisexual thot, so that’s saying something; some of y’all are horny – there were some genuinely interesting questions. So I thought we could answer some of them!

[He waves the thing he took from his pocket, which is now clear to be a stack of papers. His announcement draws a mix of emotions; whoops of excitement from the Alteans, an exasperated and fond sigh from Hunk, a look of resignation from Shiro, a groan of distress from Pidge, and a look from Keith that can only be described as the same wariness one might have when approaching a feral animal. Uncaring of any negativity, Lance primly straightens the papers, holding one in front of him with great fanfare.]

Lance: We’ll start with some group questions. Ease us all into it. Oh, I forgot to mention that I used one of Pidge’s programs to pick these questions for me based off a few parameters, so I genuinely have no idea what they’re going to be. I thought it would be more fun that way.

[He clears his throat.]

Lance: ‘To the Voltron team – what’s it like living with the same people every day? Is it fun, like a sleepover? Is there someone who’s a particularly worse roommate than the others?’

Lance: Oooooou, drama. 

[A moment of contemplative silence.]

Shiro: Most of us are pretty used to sharing spaces with people, I think. I can’t speak for everyone, but I’ve lived the majority of my life in a military facility since I was twelve, so.

All other humans: Same.

Pidge: Well, not that long. It is a little more new to me. But I lived with my brother and parents before all this, so I’m totally used to banging on the bathroom door in the mornings because someone is hogging it.

[She looks pointedly at Lance. He shrugs.]

Lance: I will not apologise for my commitment to looking beautiful. It pays off, and you are all granted the privilege of looking at me, so.

Keith (confused): You have to try to be pretty?

[Hunk chokes. Shiro whips his head to stare at his brother, wide-eyed. Pidge frantically digs around for her phone, then remembers the camera, looking straight at it with an evil grin. Lance’s jaw drops.]

[Keith continues to stare at the Blue Paladin in confusion, oblivious to the double meaning of his question.]

Lance (hoarsely): What?

Keith: I mean, you get the soap and wash your face and hair and body and go. How do you…make yourself pretty? That’s just something you are or are not, right?

[Shiro places his head in his hands. His shoulders shake.]

Shiro: Oh, dear God.

[Hunk is biting his lip harshly to keep from laughing. Pidge and Allura offer no such courtesy, giggling openly to themselves.]

Lance:...

Lance: Keith, tell me you’re not washing your fucking hair with bar soap.

[All embarrassment seems to be forgotten in favour of disbelief.]

Keith: Of course I am. I actually do wash my hair, you know. Frequently.

Lance: With fucking bar so – 

[He takes a deep, calming breath, bodily moving himself away as if proximity to Keith will somehow make his own hair-washing habits degrade.]

Lance: I am done talking about this. You are the worst roommate.

Keith: What? How? Because I wash my hair like a normal person?

Keith: At least I do it fast! You’re the worst roommate because you take four billion years to brush your teeth!

Lance (screeching): This mouth is plaque and gingivitis free, you skanky hoe! I spend a normal amount of time in the bathroom, you’re just a knobhead!

[Before Keith can argue back, Hunk reaches over and places a placating hand on Lance’s head.]

Hunk: Sorry, buddy, but as your roommate of almost six years now, you spend an insane amount of time in front of a mirror. I don’t have enough time in the day to count how often it would make us late.

Keith (emphatically): See? Worst roommate.

[Coran hums disapprovingly.]

Coran: I’m not sure that’s true, Number Four. He does more chores than the rest of you.

[Various mutters of agreeance.]

Shiro: True. Who’s the worst, then?

Pidge: Well, Hunk is always sneaking into my workshop and rearranging my shit.

Hunk: First of all, shared workshop. I am simply meandering over to your half. Second of all, I wouldn’t have to snoop if you simply indulged my curiosity. 

Lance (deadpan): The same curiosity that inspired you to build and code a device to break into my phone when I wouldn’t tell you the name of the person I was seeing?

Hunk: In my defense, you generally have bad taste. You’ve been mugged four times.

Lance: Privacy, Hunk. Snoops are the worst roommates. 

Allura: But he makes us treats! Surely that must count for something.

[Hunk looks at her, adoring and playful.]

Hunk: Allura, you are my favourite.

[Allura beams.]

Allura: Thank you!

Shiro: Hm. I suppose we all have annoying habits, but we’re all pretty helpful, too.

Coran (teasing): How diplomatic, Number One.

Lance: Taking that as a cue to move on. 

[He looks down at his stack of papers.]

Lance: Uh, a couple of these are pretty straightforward. ‘What is the best part of being a paladin?’

Keith (immediately): Helping people.

[No one voices protest.]

Lance (quietly): Next one.

Lance: ‘Do you have to train a lot?’

[Three humans groan in unison. Shiro looks amused. Allura looks huffy. Keith looks a little bit like a teacher’s pet.]

Pidge: All fucking day!

Allura (primly): That is a gross exaggeration.

Hunk: The only gross thing around here is how sweaty I get after the bajillion thousand years of training every morning. It is agony.

Lance: Agreed. I got so sweaty I broke out the other day. Broke out. Me. I had to be consoled.

[Hunk and Pidge both nod very seriously. Pidge places a reassuring hand on his shoulder.]

Hunk: It was a very difficult night.

Shiro (smiling): Next question, you dorks. 

Lance: This one is for Allura! ‘Were you friends with the mice before the cryo pod or did you only befriend them after? If the former, how did you end up becoming friends with them?’

[Allura lights up, either at the first directed question being to her personally, or because she is excited to show off her pets. She immediately pulls the mice out of her pockets, where they had been peacefully sleeping, and they blink and yawn as they wake, scampering up her arms to rest on her head.]

Allura: These friends are new! They were little stowaways. If I had known they were on the castle I would have befriended them much sooner.

Coran: She is very fond of animals. She would spend hours as a child building careful and gentle traps for any ‘pests’ that roamed the castle and disturbed the residents, so she could safely free them. 

[Lance feigns an arrow to the heart, collapsing dramatically backwards. Everyone else simply smiles fondly.]

[Allura barely notices, attention turned upwards to her pets, where she strokes them gently.]

Allura: I love my friends very much. They make everything…

[She pauses for a moment, expression saddening.]

Allura: They help me keep a piece of home.

[Shiro reaches over to squeeze her shoulder. She smiles gratefully at him. After a moment she turns to look at Lance, indicating for him to continue.]

Lance: Two more. 

[He takes a moment to read the first, then grins, sharp and teasing.]

Lance: ‘For Hunk: so did you and Shay ever become an iiiiiiteeeeeem?’

[Hunk flushes red. The rest of the team snickers, teasing and poking at him.]

Hunk: I doubt there was that much emphasis in the space e-mail, Lance.

Lance: No, there was.

[Keith crawls over the back of the couch to lean over Lance’s shoulder. He turns to Hunk, smirking.]

Keith: It definitely does, dude. Big and bold.

Lance (smugly): Thank you, Keith.

[Hunk scowls.]

Hunk: Funny how it’s suddenly easy for you two to work together when it benefits you.

Hunk: But whatever. We’ve been in contact. We have to follow up with people, you know.

Lance: Oh of course, of course.

Keith: Exactly the kind of kindness we expect from you, Hunk.

Pidge: Standard procedure.

Shiro: I would even say it’s protocol. 

Allura: I’d be disappointed if you weren’t following up, truly.

Coran: Astounded by your commitment, dear boy.

[Hunk sighs, long and heavy.]

Hunk: I hate all of you. Move on, Lance, or I’m leaving.

Lance: Okay, grouchy.

[He turns to the last sheet, reading it carefully. Suddenly, his face blooms bright crimson, and he flips the page over, slamming it onto his knees.]

Lance (hurriedly): My mistake! Misprint, there’s nothing on this page. That’s all for this episode, everyone, tune in for the next –

Keith: Oh, no you don’t.

[Keith leans over and snatches the paper from Lance’s lap faster than Lance can stop him. Lance screeches, lunging after him, but he is too fast, and besides everyone else but Coran piles on top of him, barring him from tackling Keith to the ground. The Red Paladin perches on the back of the couch, paper in hand, hair mussed and wild and smile victorious.]

Keith: ‘Do you really not remember the Bonding Moment –

[Lance lets out a scream of emotional agony.]

Keith: – or were you just faking?’ Bonding moment is capitalised, by the way. In case you wanted to pretend you didn’t know exactly what this is talking about. 

Lance (stubbornly): I don’t.

[Three people pinch him at once.]

Lance: Ouch! This is extortion!

Pidge: Deserved extortion, you liar.

Lance: I had brain damage! I don’t remember jack about shit!

Keith (voice cracking) (again): I cradled you in my arms!

Lance: No way! Don’t remember –

Keith (threatening): If you say ‘didn’t happen’, McClain, I swear to God –

Lance: – didn’t happen!

Hunk: One day you are going to piss off the angry knife boy just so and you are going to get stabbed. And I might not stop him.

Lance: This place is the worst. None of you love me. Only Coran.

[Coran gently pats Lance’s ankle.]

Coran: I don’t believe you either, dear.

Lance: Well, that’s fine. I will simply wallow away in agony and despair.

Coran: You do that.

[Lance sighs loudly, then squirms his way out of his teammates’ hold so his head his peeking out, glancing at the camera.]

Lance (sagely): Remember this injustice, Lance stans. I know you’re out there. Avenge me.

[On that dramatic note, the video cuts.]

[sizhui]

Hiii Angie just curious is there a common fan interpretation of any of your enstars faves you really dislike

HIIIIIII oh man. I am such a pedantic nitpicky person when it comes to enstars that I dislike basically everything anyone except for a small group of carefully chosen friends and mutuals have said about my favorite characters. It's really tragicomic how bad online fans are at reading any text that demands beyond surface-level engagement, thinking and compassion. I too am a literature major and i WILL act pretentious about this! By the way i blame the trend of editing characters over Tumblr text posts for 50%+ of fandom misconceptions and it needs to die.

I think i want to talk about izumi and Leo today, because i already talked a lot about wataei in the essay i posted a few days ago, and shunazu ....i shan't get into that mess today. So..let's start with perhaps THE most foolishly and strangely misinterpreted guy in all of enstars. Leo.

Leo, together with Mika, forms the most kinned duo in the enstars fandom, which means hundreds of poor weirdos project all kinds of things onto him to hell and back, and at the same time, strip him of all of his actually interesting and unique qualities. They do, i guess, see his two main surface level qualities - being insanely good at and obsessed with his artistry, and being very scatterbrained and erratic - and somehow their little minds have turned him into some weird dumbass that can't even lead a proper conversation. No - literally, I've read Leo centric fics where he talks like a literal seven-year-old, and can't get through two sentences without yelling ucchuu, inspiration! While Leo does have a tendency to lose his train of thought, he is like. Very verbose and observant. He is, in fact, the second character after eichi who comes to mind when i think of long, heavy monologues in enstars. I just end up being like, have you ever heard Leo talking? He uses extensive and developed metaphors, he describes his own feelings and his personal mental desolation with great insight and emotion. And above all, he is able to pinpoint the exact weakness of his conversation partners, even those he isn't intimately acquainted with, and use it against them. Like. Leo can be incredibly sharp and sober, and he can be incredibly mean with the right aim. I also wish people saw his deep anguish and suicidal ideation as more than something relatable or meme-able - because Leo's story is one of death and rebirth, of the highest and purest form of salvation and of complex relationships in which both love and hurt eternally coexist. It also bothers me that people can't seem to understand that Leo knew izumi had always loved him . He knew since very early on. But he also knew that izumi wouldn't choose him over affirming his own self importance. Which was true, and makes it all the more painful. Then there's also a fact that Leo consciously sent people into their deaths in the war, not only for izumi but also FOR MONEY AND FAME but let's not get into that rn, the point is that he's Not that innocent either. A minor thing that pisses me off is how lots of enstars fans in izuleo spaces tend to make Leo find of throwing around innuendos and sex jokes when Leo straight up says that he hates sex jokes and boys ' talks. Like he just would not say that . All in all he's not your funny depression artist 69420 man he is a tortured soul who just barely evaded eternal danmation in the hell that is being misunderstood, unseen and used by the people closest to you and reached the paradise that is, even if it's just for a moment, being lovingly embraced for all that he is.

The thing people always miss about izumi is that he is a very unreliable narrator of Leo's story. The poor dear was so shaken by the realization that his beloved idiot is more lion than lamb that he deluded himself into thinking that making him like that is HIS FAULT AND HE RUINED THE INNOCENT LEO!! even though....Leo acted consciously for himself, as we affirmed earlier. All in all, izuleo is a sad relationship of two people who both thing they corrupted the other to the bone marrow, while they're actually both trying to make the other into their perfect shape and love it. But yeah that delusional, self deprecating manipulation of the readers' expectations on Leo is partly to blame for people misinterpreting Leo too, i think. Because izumi would rather you think Leo is stupid than a bad person, and most of the "truths" you get fed about Leo are spoken through him. Oh Izumi and Leo, how wonderful and yet horrible, so much more wonderful and more horrible than people think

[goatpaste]

shroom story? :0

 oh my god this sdgjkh sat in my inbox for days because i didnt have the energy to awnser it right away and then forgot. i think this was prompted because of this ask which still makes me laugh to think about 

anyways shroom story, its sdjkgh a favorite story in my server and new friends

but like ough i was in the summer between middle and highschool so like ?? 14 i think maybe 15, i forget what age most people are round then

but probably 15, old enough that my parents could question me doing any sorta drug in a normal way. like not a concerning way but in a genuine way.

and my parents smoke weed, SO much fucking weed all the fucking time their a nightmare. and i was in the room next to them and often could smell it in my room at night.

but myself, i dont do any sorta drug, just not something iv been able to do or had a desire for ig sorta.

also more context, my mom stopped smoking and this was about the time she started her road to being a crazy vegan person and it started when she watched some video about how refined sugars and salts will give you cancer. so out went all sugar and refined salts in our house for the rest of the time i lived with them.

but once in awhile when i had a few bucks i still went out and got soda and a snack at the gas station, or we’de have sweets like graham crackers or dfjkgh like literally whatever was sweet like some caramel on bread. shit like that. and on weekends id scrounge the cabinets for snacks and hole up in my room and watch shows on my computer in my room.

and so one night i was doing that and idk, as some of you can probably guess, i found two little chocolates wrapped in tin foil. and ME fucking absolute DUMBASS didn’t think anything of it and went mmm choncholate for sammi! and promptly took it to my room along with some other things.

was watching my show, snacking fine until the chocolates. 

let me reiterate, i am a fucking MORON.

i bit into the first one and went, yuck! gross!....... maybe the other one taste better? bit into that one, didnt taste good. went, hmm theres something in there maybe i need to eat around it. not realizing it was like THE WHOLE CHOCOLAte i tried to eat around the center to find it still gross, gave up and threw the chocolates away.

and see i didnt think anything of it because one, im a fucking idiot. and two, my date was terribly lactose intolerant and kept dark chocolate in the house and its very bitter and i didnt like it, and at the time had assumed it was just dark chocolate.

went back to my shows for awhile

annnd then the shrooms kicked in.

and to be clear, im a dumbass and had NO idea what i had just done.

and i start to feel sometHING is wrong with me and like i cant describe how it made me feel except that when it started my brain decided “oh god im being punished for not exercising enough. i dont do enough cardio and im dying RIGHT NOW for it.”

so i went outside to the backyard where my parents work blowing glass and making weed pipes. and im like... mother.. i have to go outside right now i need to run around the block right now

NOT RELIZING HOW INSANE I SOUNDED

and my mom straight up is like... are you on drugs???

and i ofc, somehow still dont click it together and go, “nononinon no no i dont do drugs!”

and return to my room to calm down and watch my show some more before i accept i MAY be high fjkghg

returning to the backyard both my parents are there and i tell them about the chocolate, they honestly think its a lil funny and my dad and is kinda like “ :O!! my fuckin shroom chocolate we were saving that!”

and they start like trying help me, asking me if i wanted to watch a movie in the living room until i come down and everything. and im telling them i want to be alone and go to sleep until  its over because i was miserable and a little stressed because OFC this didnt happen on my terms.

so i return to my room and try to lay down, but i remember like trying to close my eyes and just seeing fucking colors very much like a kaleidoscope. Annoyed i tried to push that from my vision

but when i would attempt to push away colors and find a dark patch in my like brain? there was a small puppet of me just like, doing the jig. And it was shaped like mister smarty pants from between the lions

so i give up on sleeping and grab my blanket and pillow and go to the living room, leaning against the wall singing “im just a kid” on the way.

i asked my parents to put on some disney movie, they told me no because it fuck me up too bad. and then they turned on the lorax.

i remember that movie being SO blurry and i remember looking at my mom and going “this movie is too fucking orange >:(”

the rest of it was mostly fine, i went outside with my mom and ask if she could hear my poop through the window to the bathroom that was connected to the patio. she told me no

my father tried to get me to drink nyquil, i said no and layed on the floor and rolled away from him because i just remembered i really didnt like how it tasted.

then my parents told me i texted my friends “i ate something weird and im starting to feel weird???” sdjkgh and they told me i needed to clear everything up and make sure my friends didnt think i was high. the next day i went to my friends house and told them this exact story, and iv been telling this story since.

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched this week #56

Renowned Palestinian director Elia Suleiman‘s 4th comedy, It must be heaven. Playing a version of his own mute Everyman character “ES”, he travels from his home in Nazareth to Paris of Jacques Tati and to NYC, in search of funding for his next film, and of his complex national identity. Like a silent-era Roy Andersson tableaux, it combines ambiguous slapstick and mature compositions, into a series of absurd visual skits. 7+/10. (Photo Above).

🍿            

Another middle-eastern who also fled his country to Paris in 2019, trying unsuccessfully to find roots somewhere else, was the “hero” in the Israeli film Synonyms. A terribly pretentious (affected, presumptuous) story of an uninteresting (dull, boring) young man, who is not charismatic (compelling, engaging) in any way. The director, Nadav Lapid, is 46, but this feels like a film school project, a juvenile (immature, puerile) exercise in style. 1/10.

🍿            

Based on a best seller book by Tom McCarthy, Remainder is a stunning thriller I never heard of, and apparently not many others did either.

It tells of a young man crippled by a freak accident which "involved something falling from the sky". After winning £ 8.5 million in a compensation settlement, he starts hiring people to reenact fragments of the few memories he still possess from before the accident. Incredible sound production! Debut feature by (another) Israeli director Omer Fast.

Unexpected discovery of the week!

🍿            

2 Russian masterpieces:

🎦🎦🎦 Tale of tales, a mysterious 1979 Russian short by Yuri Norstein, considered by many to be one of the greatest animated film of all time, and often compared to Tarkovsky’s The Mirror. An singularly impressionist poem about the ghosts of memories and war, a smudgy, crudely-drawn fairy tale that evokes happy then tragic childhoods of history. (Photo Above).

The Weary Sun Tango used as leitmotif. 

🎦🎦🎦 The Return, (his first and) my third Andrey Zvyagintsev (after ‘Elena’ and ‘Leviathan’). It’s a devastating story of two brothers whose taciturn, absent father suddenly returns after 12 mysterious years away.

Best movie of the week, by a large margin.

(Tragically, before winning the Golden Lion in Venice, the 15-year-old who played the older boy drowned while jumping from the top of a tower on which the film's opening sequence was shot.)

🍿            

2025 - The World enslaved by a Virus, a Hands-of-Manos-terrible, anti-Covid Christian handjob guaranteed to be remembered as the worst film of the year.

No need for me to compose any pithy critique when I can simply quote IMDB: It's a magical kind of bad- the rare movie that might actually be so bad it's good, thanks to its implausible premise (where Christianity is outlawed worldwide by 2025!), blatant preachiness, terrible acting, hilarious dialogue, insane music choices, incoherent editing, awkward romance...

Reddit Bonus: Consent age in Germany is 14, so the dude who made this persecution complex gem acted within the law when he started dating the main actress.

🍿             

2 by Richard Linklater, both from 2006:

🎦🎦🎦 Fast Food Nation - I loved Eric Schlosser’s original bestseller, and I loved this fictionalized interpretation of it, as different as it was. “We have shit in our meat!”

With Alabama Worley as the mother. And the Mexican immigrants sub-story is HARSH! And it’s good to know that Linklater is also a lifelong vegetarian. The fundamental sins of factory food, American consumerism abuse and cruel capitalism are heart breaking. May all carnivores pay the price for their deadly crimes. 10/10.

🎦🎦🎦 A scanner darkly, a trippy, drug-fueled Philip K. Dick nightmare, accurately describing the mental landscape of Anaheim, California which I remember from living there for over 10 years. With Alex Fucken Jones, as a crazy street prophet with a bullhorn.

I loved its freaky rotoscopeic animations, hi-wired paranoia and complicated dystopic brain fogs.

I have to do a little Richard Linklater's retrospective!

🍿        

David Bowie X 2:

🎦🎦🎦 A disappointing, first re-watch in many years, Nicolas Roeg’s The Man Who Fell to Earth with cocaine-thin Alien-Man Bowie in his first starring film role. At the height of his glam rock space fetish period, Bowie does Bowie, but the truth is that by now I just hate most "Science fiction” movies (2001 / Blade Runner, etc. notwithstanding...) and even this Roeg soft-core classic doesn’t work for me any more.

🎦🎦🎦 David Bowie: Finding Fame, is an unsatisfying talky documentary about his early years. Done in a schlocky, quick-edit montage, with irritating onscreen text, layering of multiple images, but without much heart or soul. At least it describes the (new-to-me) long decade in which he struggled in relative obscurity to find success as a star, until he hit upon Space Odyssey and his Ziggy Stardust personality. Meh.

🍿        

Anémic Cinéma, the only film that Marcel Duchamp produced, a 7 minutes avant-Garde ditty, shot in 1926 by his Dada friend Man Ray. Interesting only as a historical document, and in relation to the new Duchamp Research Portal.

🍿    

2 Directed by Sally Potter:

🎦🎦🎦 Orlando, a gender-bender adaptation of the Virginia Woolf allegory about an androgynous nobleman who, in the course of 400 years, becomes a woman. A feminist parable with young Tilda Swinton, that grew on me as I watched on, in spite of disliking the pomp and circumstances of the period drama tropes.

🎦🎦🎦 The Party, a short (71 min.), seven-actor ensemble drama (with Patricia Clarkson, Bruno Ganz, Cillian Murphy, Kristin Scott Thomas, Timothy Spall, et. al.). Everybody harbors secrets in this mixed satire, staged in three rooms as an old-fashioned play.

🍿              

Fantasia, Disney’s third ever animated feature, an experimental and partially free flowing, psychedelic musical from 1940. The onset of WW2 tanked it financially, and I wonder how animation would have developed differently, had this been a commercial success.

For some reason, I'm trying to visualize how Nietzsche (or JS Bach!) would react if he could watch this on an iPad, or on a big screen theater! Would they even be able to decipher what is happening?!

(Re-watch).

🍿                    

Peter Sellers X 2 Plus:

🎦🎦🎦 The Ghost of Peter Sellers is an interesting behind-the-scenes expose by Hungarian director Peter Medak. In it he returns to his disastrous production of the comedy ‘Ghost in the Noonday Sun’, which remains his biggest fiasco. The original was shot in Cyprus in 1974 and was plagued by Sellers erratic and destructive behavior. The documentary offers an unknown-to-me glimpse into the British film industry of the early ‘70′s. 6/10.

🎦🎦🎦 My first (and last) Inspector Clouseau farce, the second in the Pink Panther series, A shot in the dark. The bumbling, lecherous investigator who was “Clumsy” in a dated physical comedy way, was just terribly unfunny. 1/10.

🎦🎦🎦 Bonus: Goodness Gracious Me was a video-comedy-song produced by George Martin, starring Peter Sellers and Sophia Loren, with clips from their 1960 film ‘The Millionairess’. It was later also covered by Rowan Atkinson and Ted Lasso’s Nick Mohammed. 

🍿            

So I watched the mesmerizing Hated in the nation - again! Fourth re-watch this year, and the second time in two weeks (!)

Instead of waiting for somebody to reboot a new series about the adventures of DCI Karin Parke and DC Blue Coulson, I should write the pilot myself!

“This is a good school"

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- - - - -

Throw-back to the art project:

David Bowie Adora.

- - - - -

(My complete movie list is here)

[lia-jones]

NSFW One-Shot - Make Up Sex

Note from the author: If the title is not self explanatory enough, this work has graphic depictions of sex.

This is the continuation of the chapter 31 in the Growing Stronger part. This is my first posted SMUT work, challenged by @playheej, who also does some great work! Thanks for the support, beautiful! Here goes nothing. Please hold my hand as I do this.

And if you can spare two minutes of your time, let me know your thoughts. That’s how I learn, and it is major motivation for me.

Here you go. Let’s get dirty.

Victor was used to being the dominant one, calling the shots. Andrea wasn’t known for being too obedient, teasing him to no end, and that actually made things more exciting for him, having to fight to have his way. 

But this was the first time he’s ever seen Andrea so bossy, and that did unspeakable things to him.

She kissed him hungrily, teasing and enticing, determined to have his will given over to her. Victor was in a daze, trying to get a grip on the situation, assuming control if only for a second, but Andrea moved too fast. It was like it was her mission was to drive him insane.

Her hands circled his waist as she kissed him, her butt rubbing against his manhood, deft fingers pulling on his sweater.

“I’m going to need this off.” Her tone was as demanding as it was sensual, and it just made him feel harder.

Victor moved away from the headboard, lifting his arms up so Andrea could remove his clothes. She caressed his upper arms, biting on her lip, eyeing him like he was a delicious meal. Her hips kept rolling on his lap, massaging his hard-on. As Victor tried to bring his arms down to hold her again, she stopped him.

“No.” She softly scolded. “I like them like this.” She pushed him up, putting his hands on the edge of the headboard. “Keep them like that.”

“Admit it, you just like to boss me around.” Victor chuckled.

“On the contrary.” Andrea came close to him, nibbling his lips with her own. “My wish is no other than to serve you.” She planted kisses on his neck, his earlobe, and came down his chest.

“Serve me?” Victor was determined to put up a strong front for her, like she did with him, but he couldn’t avoid the strain on his voice. Her kisses were shooting ripples of energy through his skin, leaving him out of breath.

“Mhm.” She let out a playful chuckle, rubbing her nose against his chest. “I always love this part. Your skin is so soft, your muscles are so hard, and you smell so good. I just love kissing it.” Victor threw his head back, overwhelmed by the sensation of her tongue in the rugged sensitive skin of his nipple.

She kissed and licked, and his throat vibrated low in delight, he always loved that part. Andrea laughed and continued her journey downward, reaching his abdomen, which he involuntarily clenched.

“The best part is still yet to come.” She teased.

He knew what was coming, he knew what she was about to do, this wasn’t a surprising move for him. In his dazed with lust brain, he felt both excited and apprehensive. She lifted her hand, holding the waist of his sweatpants.

“Lift your hips for me, please.”

He didn’t have to be asked twice. She removed his sweatpants and briefs in one swift motion, revealing to the world how turned on he was with her.

“Hmmm, so hard already. I must be doing something right.” She gave him a smile before kissing him again. He took that kiss, wanting to leave her breathless. He needed to regain some control, without breaking her rules.

Much to his dismay, this lioness could not be tamed. Andrea broke the kiss the moment Victor was too committed, leaving him wanting more. She teased his belly button, venturing further down. Victor’s breath caught in his throat.

Suddenly, he was laser-focused on the feeling of her warm breath against his balls. She started teasing him with her lips, and then her mouth, her warm tongue sucking his resistance away, pleasure taking over mind. He felt the familiar tightening that came with desire, and later on, release, and held tighter to the headboard to ground himself. Her hand caressed him skillfully along his shaft, her tongue teasing his tip, sending ripples of pleasure through his spine, and for moments Victor was blind. All he could do was feel.

“Andy…” He croaked. “Stop.”

Even with her mouth full, he saw the mischievous smile. She wouldn’t stop.

“I want to come inside you.” This was too much. He wouldn’t be able to control himself.

She stopped briefly to smile at him.

“You are inside me.” 

This was no time for jokes.

“I want you to come too. I want to touch you.” He needed to feel her, he needed to know he could make her squirm too.

She ignored him, resuming her work.

“Please.” He closed his eyes, feeling the tug that came before the explosion, preparing to lose control.

The explosion never came. Andrea let him go a second before, making him whimper in the agony of frustration. He opened his eyes again, his head spinning, only to find her basking in his despair. She was bad, really bad. And oh so good.

“You can touch me.” She conceded. “But you can’t use your hands.”

“What?” Victor couldn’t think, stupefied with desire.

“What do you want to touch?” She talked to him like he was a child, and he hated it. He wanted to screw her brains out as punishment.

“Your tits.” He couldn’t believe he was talking like this, but something primal was turning him into a beast. He refused to be a prey she would play with. He was a lion, and he would feast on her. He tried to grab her, take her already, but she stopped him.

“If you can’t play by the rules, we won’t play at all.” She scolded him. “Do you remember the rules?”

“No hands.” He lowered his head, ashamed to have disobeyed. “Arms up.”

“I want to take good care of you, but you have to let me.” She caressed his hair and he closed his eyes, welcoming her touch. “It will be worth it, I promise.”

She leaned closer to him, lifting her torso slightly so his face reached her chest. With eagerness of a child opening Christmas presents, Victor nudged his nose against her breast, mouthing them desperately, sucking on her nipples. He needed her, and he would take every single piece of her. He heard her breath becoming ragged as he practically ate her, and his erection only grew stronger. He was pleasing her, playing by the rules. But his cock was like embers, he needed to put out the fire, fast. He would go insane if he didn’t.

“I want more.” He begged. “I need more.”

“How much more?” Her hand was on his cock again. He swallowed hard, his brain foggy, trying not to come in her hands.

“All of it.”

“You want to be inside me? To feel me hot and wet around you?” She pressed her drenched labia against his erection and slid it up and down, massaging her clit, but refusing him entrance.

Yes. Yes! Please! Now!

Victor was in no condition to reply, his mind filled with lust, and the painful need to find release. He could only moan and whimper, as he tried hard to keep the little sanity he had left.

He was so rock hard that all Andrea did was shift her position on him slightly, and before he knew it he was sliding inside her, her warmth and her moisture bringing a new range of sensations, making him shiver with pleasure. She held his face between her hands and moved her hips rhythmically, making him slide inside her, and the familiar pre-orgasmic pressure returned.

“Andrea!” That was all he could say to warn her. He couldn’t breathe, let alone talk.

“No!” She gasped. “You will wait! I’m almost there!”

He was lost, he was sure of it. If he didn’t come soon, he would die, his heart would stop, it would be the end of him. But there was another rule now, he couldn’t come before her, and he would follow it. That was how much he loved her. Yet… he had to come. He wanted to come so bad. Andrea needed to come as soon as possible. That was the only solution in his lust drunken brain.

“I need to touch you!” His voice was a mere croak, nothing would work anymore, he was a slave to his need.

“One hand!” She was strained, also losing control, almost there. But not fast enough.

With the last shred of strength he had left, Victor grabbed her ass for stability and thrust hard on her, aiming for the spots he knew would make her peak instantly. And when he felt her clench around him, her mouth on his shoulder to stifle a loud moan, he could almost laugh.

He let himself go completely, letting the pent up energy flow through his body, waves of pleasure coursing from his spine to his cock and to his toes and coming back to his head, blinding him temporarily, making his spasm. He held onto the woman he loved with a vengeance, wanting to bring her to whatever place the orgasm would take him, wanting to devour her, absorb her and keep her forever and the way she made him feel.

Their bodies kept moving in sync until all was released, all was experienced, and there was nothing else but exhaustion, silence and bliss.

Andrea started laughing. Something she would always do when she had a really good orgasm, her mind still high with dopamine.

“Is it me or we are getting really good at this?”

Victor answered with a chuckle, there was no way to describe how happy he felt in that moment. He couldn’t find the words to express how she was true bliss in his life, how she mattered more than everything.

Well, except for those special three words.

“I love you.” He whispered between deep breaths.

“I love you too, handsome.”

[aloera]

The ask prompt is too long to fit into an ask TT_TT but here's the doc for it docs(.)google(.)com/document/d/1yDI7iFRhOJ8ENv_IwZAo3rDSUqj80EiJROS10RzRbj4/edit

the lengths u are going for this,,, much appreciated you're very sweet!!!

prompts + answers under the cut!!

INTRODUCTION

Name: aloera

AO3 account: aloera

Fandoms you write for: bnha

How many stories have you written so far: 19

FANFICTION PROFILE

What's your favorite fandom to write for? hmm,,, used to do pjo and eah (ever after high) and eah was fun as fuck i will say!!! i think bnha is my fav mostly bc i made the most friends in this fandom :D

What's your favorite character/person to write for? bkg and kirishima!! cannot choose do not make me <3

Fic you'd want to improve? probably what we deserve? i rushed the beginning and the confession is a bit stilted imo

Hardest fic you've written? between lion and men -_- bc there is so much canon compliant stuff i've gotta write out before i get to the divergence and its HARD

Easiest fic you've written? come home to me!!! it happened so easily,,, no second guessing no writers block just vibes <33 was lovely i miss it

What would you say is the most "famous" fic you've ever written? also probably come home to me? its got the most interaction

first line of the first fic you've ever written and published. [not including my 2014 ffnet fics] "The bell rings, class starts, and Katsuki and Midoriya are inexplicably absent." from come home to me

Have you ever done a collab with another writer? yes!!!!! on two separate occasions and its so fucking fun i highly recommend trying it out its the best

Do you beta? if asked but honestly im a shit beta lmao

Do you like joining fic fests/exchanges? depends on what i have going on irl but in general yeah!!

FANFICTION PREFERENCES

Fluff or angst? definitely fluff

"OCs" or "Reader" inserts? reader inserts!! have been going ham on them recently

Blurbs or drabbles? blurbs!!

One thing you love about fanfiction i just. i really love slice of life romance?? and most media doesn't give you that bc its dedicated to plot and action and that's valid!! but fanfiction fills in the gap which is really nice

One thing you don't like about fanfiction most of the stuff i don't like is less about actual fanfiction and more about how people behave about it

What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors? IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! TURN IT UP!!!

bnha: hiuythn, rae_tnub, Moniix, Ata_Lanta, wrunic, chezka, PurplePersnickety, surveycorpsejean, mahadevi, arxaris, deviance, Oceanbreeze7, MikeWritesThings, bonnia, wonhaebunny, dinosuns

voltron: hiuythn, Oceanbreeze7, DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee, arahir, dinosuns,

and honorable mention to loveclouds im not even in the haikyuu fandom i just love their fics So Much

these are just the ones off the top of my head i have so many favourites idc if i'm only supposed 2 have one!! die mad about it!!!

What is your favorite trope? secret relationship + relationship reveal til the day i die babie <3 <3

Least favorite trope? hm,,, probably just like. angst lmao i cannot stand 90% of it

A fanfiction cliché that you can't help but love? coffeeshop aus,,,, so good

Do you have a type when it comes to pairings? the otp where its like. piece of shit + himbo = love. ex. krbk, catradora, jade/beck

Favorite setting/au? hm,,, truly i cannot pick one KGKSJNHKj but i really like college aus!! and modern aus!! and roommate aus!!

Explain the meaning of your favorite line of dialogue you've written as if someone hasn't read it in context. “He doesn’t know,” Katsuki says, softly. “My timer stopped and nothing happened. He’s not mine.”

the line is from what we deserve!! it's a soulmate au where your timer counts down to the moment that you meet your soulmate!! bakugou's timer ends at USJ when he and kirishima attack kurogiri at the same time (impulsive kings <33) but kirishima's timer doesn't end until kamino because that's when he accepts himself as bakugous soulmate!! unfortunately, when bakugous timer has reached 0, he turned to see that kirishima's was still ticking and therefore believes that kirishima isn't his soulmate.

this line just,, idk. it's really sad. bakugou is such an action-driven character? if something doesn't go his way he Makes it go his way. he's got this insanely volatile quirk and he's got impeccable control of it!! but his love for kirishima isn't something that he can change and he's not going to ruin kirishima's chance of finding his own soulmate because he loves him and wants him to be happy. i really wanted to focus on how resigned he is? and how unusual that is for a character like him.

Favorite trope/genre to write? again, secret relationship with relationship reveals <33 fluff in general is my wheelhouse!!!

A trope/genre you haven't written but think would be a fun challenge? idk if this counts?? have been working on some dead dove concepts!! its super different from what i normally write so its a cool challenge

The one trope/concept you'll never touch and why probably cheating/infidelity?? it just looks,,, super difficult to write well and i don't have enough of an interest in it to try it out

Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics? shorter!! low attention span gang <3

Ideal length to read? 5-10k?

Ideal length to write? 4-8k!!

How long was the longest fic you've ever written? control fraek is around 28k i think?

Have you ever written an AU? yeah!! i've done restaurant au's, soulmate au's, pro hero aus, and fantasy aus (general, not the bnha fantasy ending)

What's your favorite AU trope? hm,, probably when two people in authority are in a secret relationship? ceo's/uni professors/etc etc

Have you ever written smut? yeah!! was. difficult tho

What's your comfort genre? (the one you fall on most in writing/reading) fluff,,, hurt/comfort,,, fix-it fics with happy endings <3

If you were to start writing in other fandoms, which would they be? maybe jjk?? the characters are really cool!!!! fr i might go back to my ever after high roots i love the characters and setting so Much its so fun!!! idec if no ones into it anymore!!!!!

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? i've had people say they saw the mention of buff hagakure and recognized it was me so. probably that skdjhnksjd

WRITING STYLE

How would you describe your style? i tend to use shorter sentences and pretty simple words i think? and i gravitate towards lighthearted concepts that allow for ensemble casts and humour!!

Describe your style in three words romcom but fanfic

Favorite words to use when writing? the word reverent!! fuckin love including it!!

Dialogue tags or no dialogue tags? (she said, he said, they said, etc) dialogue tags!!!

Favorite dialogue tag (other than said, if you use them) again idk if this counts but "they said softly" is unmatched

Long sentences vs short vs a mix short <33

What colors would you use to describe your writing? hm,,, depends on the fic i would say?? control fraek is dark green to me?? kinda like a forest at night yk?? scary but there's still life there. sugar cookies is yellow like early morning sunlight, when it rains is yellowy-orange like a caution sign. not gonna list all of them cause theres a lot its just. do u get it? the colours change based on the vibe of the fic.

What song or music genre would you use to describe your writing? think. i am constantly trying to emulate that moment at the end of wasteland baby when hozier goes "im in love/im in love with you."

What kind of metaphors do you rely on? religious metaphors my beloved <33 they're just so pretty!!! i also love comparing stuff to water for some reason?? like that ocean vuong quote thats like "what are you now?/water." it goes hard!!!

What's something you'd say is experimental in your writing at this time? definitely action!! i have,,, no idea how to write it so anything i do is really just me playing around and seeing what works and what doesn't

Do you prefer to write by hand or to type? i've tried both!! personally i prefer typing because it goes way faster but i will say that writing by hand lets me get words down when i'm going through writer's block

What is your preferred place to write (notebook, laptop, cellphone, etc.)? laptop!!

What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad, etc.)? google docs skjdnkjh its fine on desktop but mobile is,,,,, disgusting

Do you keep a notebook or file/notes page in your phone/device for notes on your writing? ngl i just have everything organized in my drive?? one folder per fandom and then sub folders for ideas+hcs, unfinished wips, and finished fics. multichaps get sub sub folders so i can organize outlines and drafts

Do you listen to music to help you write? yeah!! playlists organized by fic vibe :D

Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, living room, etc.)? mostly in my bedroom??? but moving around to different stops helps too i think!!

How long does it usually take for you to write? again this depends on what i have going on irl, how attached i am to the idea, my mindset at the time, etc!! i am,, the least consistent person skjnhdkjh.

What's your favorite font to use when writing? times new roman my beloved

Other writing habits? sometimes i'll write in the dark?? bad for my eyes but for some reason it gets the words flowing

CONCEPTUALIZATION

How do you conceptualize your ideas? (See specific moments like they're a movie, writing specific lines in your head, don't know until you put the words on paper, etc.) i tend to get inspiration from movies, books, poems, or other fics!!! sometimes one line just makes me go oh,, i want to write something like that,,, and then it helps me create an idea that makes me feel the same way?? i did this with control fraek!!!! i wanted a scenario where bakugou was cold and calculating and i was like hm. to do that he’d have to be focusing on something important. and from there i was able to flesh out the rest of the idea.

Which comes first: the pairing or the plot? with krbk its always always the pairing,, i'll be sitting there like wow <33 i love them <33 what if one of them had amnesia <33 (which, yes, wip!!) otherwise it's usually the plot!! and i slot in characters that i feel make sense

Have you ever used a prompt? yeah!! used a prompt for wlw week 2020 and it was fun as hell

Do you write around the story around a specific scene you want to get to or do you start from a plot idea definitely the first!!!! i almost always write like,,, a super messy scene thats 90% dialogue, keep it in my head, and then write the entire fic around that one moment

Do you find that you include a projection of some part of yourself in the way you write a character? a lot of the time when i write love confessions or love in general i'll have one of the characters think or say that the other person makes their head quiet? and it's because that's what i feel whenever i'm in love?? a quiet mind. i project on characters yeah but i think most of the projection actually goes to the way that i write love

Do you research some of the things you write deeply, partially and kind of wing the rest, or play entirely by ear (in this case, go with whatever base knowledge of the subject you have)? most of the time if i do research it'll be about the setting (ex. the izakaya in to have and to hold) or if i'm having the characters interact with an object that they like. need to know how to use (me, in control fraek: google. hey google. does someone die if they get shot in the foot??? no???? awesome thank u <3)

Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it? lmaoo yeah all the time i'll find like 500-2k words of concepts in my gdocs like i do. not remember this at all

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? probably krbk secret relationship lmao

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out better than expected? yeah!! i fully thought the action in control fraek would be awful but it turned out not bad??? which im happy with

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out worse than you expected? again, what we deserve, i personally think it would have worked out better if i'd paced it slower and drawn out the pining but i. do not feel like going back to fix it so its staying the way that it is. pining is so fucking hard to do AHHHH i get so tired with it!!! im like just date already!!!!

PROCESS

How do you come up with titles? in rare occasions (literally. all my multichaps for some reason) the title comes after writing like .5 words of the first chapter im like YES this is it!!!!! sometimes i write the whole thing and pick out one line that fits (what i did with come home to me) a lot of the time i just. steal from songs or poems that i like

What's your favorite emotion to cause on your readers? i like making people happy!!!! love when people comment saying they're cheered up

What's your favorite emotion to write? lovelovelovelovelovelove

Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you've written? never cried?? but sometimes i'll rereading my hurt/comfort fics 4. yk. comfort

Do you write in order or whatever comes to you? in order!! unless i have a scene that i Need to write and i'll quickly jot it down so that i don't forget

Usual way you procrastinate while writing? ...doing asks like this, making playlists, discord, watching netflix. what don't i do smh

Do you outline or free write? i am. so shit at outlines. i mostly free write and write lil notes for stuff that i wanna add later

Do you set word goals or scene goals (scenes you want to include)? yes!! like i said i'll write loose notes for scenes that i want to add later!! it gives me something to write towards :D

What do you consider when writing your scenes? what goes into making the atmosphere and mood you want? to set a scene i do two things? the first is like,, the five senses bc that always sets the scene really well and makes it feel Real. i'll visualize stuff in my head like its a movie and write out what i would want to tell the set designer?? if the lights are low, if the space is busy, if it's supposed to exude comfort or not.

for putting forward the character's mood one thing i've found that makes a difference is sentence length!! long sentences are good for making a character seem flustered and nervous or not really in control of their emotions? good for love confessions. short sentences are good for when the character is focused on something or short on time. good for fights!!

What's something you never considered to include in your writing that you can't leave out now? def buff hagakure,,,, once i thought of it i was like. if i don't include this at least once in every single fic how could i look at myself in the mirror!!!!!! how could i face anyone!!!!

How do you start a story? establishing a fact about the character or describing the setting! option a is one single thread of gold, option b is between lion and men

How do you end a story? either by tying it back to the beginning or doing like a funny kind of closing??? option a is sugar cookies, option b is a godless society

How do you get out of writer's block? change something!! move something!! i go from typing to handwriting, moving from my bedroom to my living room, switching wips to work on something else!! i do sprints as well?? give myself like fifteen minutes to write something and sometimes 200 words opens up the way for another 2k. sometimes i'll just delete like 500 words and start fresh

Do you edit? or do you toss your writing out there? i edit!!! i'll go over it myself then send it to one or two betas (bee my beloved <33)

How do you edit? do you use spellcheck, grammar checkers, etc? bee is my grammar checker bc he is So Good with grammar. i use grammarly as well for spellcheck stuff mostly?? sometimes my edit process is just like "am i tired of looking at this!! yes <3" and then i post it

PROGRESS

Do you usually like what you write? yeah!!! i post stuff that makes me happy and that i'm fine with rereading!!! i write stuff for self-indulgence reasons first and foremost and i think my writing reflects that sjhnksj

Have you ever written something you didn't like but posted anyways? nope!! even what we deserve i LIKED even if i see a lot of room 4 improvement!! if i don't like smth it's not getting posted

Do you find yourself rereading your writing often? yeah!! the reason i wrote so much krbk secret relationship is because i loved it but i'd read all that there was so i just,, wrote more,, ngl its kinda nice being in a place where i actually like my writing bc i can write stuff that i want to see and really enjoy it!!

Can you tell us anything about your current WIP? sure!! i'm currently working on when it rains which is a fic where bakugou gets hit by a crying quirk!! i'm gonna be using it to explore So Much of all might's character and his relationships with bakugou and aizawa (and i think some people from his past!!)

Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP? “You did something. What the hell did you do?” Kirishima sounds pissed off. It would amuse Katsuki if he wasn’t fighting just to stay standing.

“Nothing he didn’t ask for,” Shinsou replies.

“K’ri… shima,” Katsuki croaks out. “‘S fine. Not him.”

His chest collapses back into the familiar dry heaving after that but Kirishima shuts up. He doesn’t apologize to Shinsou.

Kirishima’s a good friend, stubborn and loyal. He stands by Katsuki’s side like an attack dog, blocking him from the view of anyone ogling at his tears.

The last line you've written Ochako knows more than she'd realized. She knows enough to keep her guard up.

It’s not enough.

Open a wip. what’s the first line?

Katsuki wakes up feeling like absolute fucking shit.

INSIGHT

What's your favorite thing about writing? touched on this before but it's mainly just being able to write the things that i want to see and actually enjoy them!!! actually reread them!!!! i thought "wouldn't it be cool if bkg and kirishima owned a restaurant together" and then i wrote it and i like it enough to reread it!!!! being able to create content for myself makes me. so happy

How do you keep yourself inspired? this is gonna sound narcissistic maybe but honestly i'm just really excited about my ideas and where i'm gonna take them and the idea of "i'm gonna get to That scene" keeps me going through the entire thing. also my friends!!!! i'll talk to them about fics and their reactions keep me hyped up enough to finish!!!!

What is your favorite thing to write? just,, slice of life romance,,, stuff thats silly and makes people laugh!!

What do you think your strengths are in writing? i'm good with dialogue!! i do lil voice acting sessions with myself to make sure everything sounds natural and like it's coming from that character skhjnskj

i'm comfortable with my portrayal of love as well??? i spend a lot of time thinking about what it is exactly that i'm trying to get across and i think it turns out well!!

What are things you wish you could practice more? on one hand i wanna get better at writing angst on the other hand i dislike writing angst. do you see my issue

One way you've improved your writing since you began? characterization!! i think i've gotten better at writing characters that are all Different and bring different things to the table!!! i used to project a lot more and it would compromise the characterization because the character was like 70% me and 30% them? not to say that projection is bad but if you do it too much it just,, doesn't read like the character and from a reader's standpoint the narrative can become less compelling

One aspect of writing you're still working on? writing action!!! i. literally hate writing it but i write for a fandom about superheroes so. Unfortunately i gotta learn.

A piece of writing advice you've learned while writing saw this on another tumblr post but they said sometimes if you're struggling with a scene, the problem is five lines back. i've found that to be true!!!! sometimes u gotta delete a chunk and start a little ways back!! i did this with too busy being yours because i was stuck for Weeks and i deleted like 25% of what i had but it helped me actually finish it :D

A bit of writing advice you can't stand when people shit on show don't tell for being overrated lmao bc when u read their writing you can Tell

Something you wish you knew when you first started writing? ,,,,honestly i kind of wish i could know some of the stuff that i used to when i first started writing?? technically i'm better now but creatively i was must better when i wasn't stressing about whether anyone would like what i was writing. so i guess i wish i knew that i should keep that confidence? i kinda wish that i wasn't as insecure about other people's writing styles because i never used to be!!

Something you've learned in life that you apply in writing there's no point in feeling inferior?? writing one genre isn't better than the other. being in one fandom isn't better than being in another. the kind of language you use or the length of your paragraphs- none of that stuff like. matters. what matters is that you're having fun and happy with what you're creating!!!! enjoy other peoples writing but don't let it make you feel worse about yours :D

[mobagehelllocal]

“do you even lift bro?” extra notes i - iii:

I finally finished rereading all my “do you even lift bro?” stories! Man, I feel like I wrote them ages ago. As I mentioned before, I have been going back to do grammatical edits and what not. In the process, I’ve also been noting down my thought process for writing these pieces, and little easter eggs I put in for fun~ This extra notes will contain my thoughts from versions i to iii! 

*please do not read if you haven’t read “do you even lift bro?” ver i - iii. 

The title came to me immediately upon reading the request hahah. originally, it was meant to just be fluffy and cute... but I think it’s actually pretty funny. To me, at least hahah. 

Divus’s was the one exception, but i’ll get into that later.

The reader personality was based on one of my ocs. She was also the oc in my special Malleus x OC story, “bright eyes.”

I went with her because she was an OC, who, in my opinion, is the epitome of a optimistic fangirl lmao. If you’ve read “bright eyes” then I think you’d understand what I mean hahahah. 

For ver i--I think I definitely wrote Riddle’s first. followed by Leona, Azul, Malleus, Kalim, Vil then Idia. 

One of my best friends is a super huge Riddle stan (if you’re reading this, hi sis!) so I wrote his story primarily with her energy in mind. In short, she would most definitely bench press Riddle. 

Her energy + the base reader personality makes Riddle’s story one of the most fun actually. His reader is probably the most mischievous ones--which I thought balanced out well with Riddle’s actual personality. 

Leona’s story is heavily influenced by pride dynamics. It’s common knowledge that it’s the female lions who hunt hence why in Afterglow Savanna--the women are stronger. Leona is royalty, so I assumed that from a young age he’d be told to wed a strong woman. 

I also need to note that Leona is described as respecting women. here’s the thing, I’m pretty sure it’s specifically women from Afterglow Savanna because they could bench press him. That’s not to say he doesn’t respect all women--he probably just puts women from Afterglow Savanna on a different standard because of his experience with them. Either way, you surprised him greatly, and assume that Leona will not be able to look you in the eye for awhile.

Azul’s story specifically takes place after Jamil SR Lab Coat episodes and Azul’s R PE Uniform episodes. I found their relationship funny, and thought it would be fun to continue off from there. 

Most of Azul’s stories come from me just wanting to fluster the hell out of Azul... that being said, I did delve a bit into the magic of TWST for this one. I remember it was Crowley (was it in the prologue?) who noted that magic is dependent also on how much someone believed in their ability to do something. This is why Azul falls down haha, his will faltered and he stopped believing. 

Jamil doesn’t get a break at all, doesn’t he? The reader and Jamil actually vibe really well because they both understood enough about Kalim to know what he was doing.

I think I remember being pretty stuck on which one to do for this. I think it was reading Jamil’s SSR Dorm Uniform story that really made me have an ‘aha’ moment on how to write it--since something like this happens on there. 

Surprisingly for Vil, once I had figured out that I wanted to write him getting mobbed, and being saved by his reader--it flowed out really fast from there. 

For Vil, I always end up bringing up the issue that he’s something like a celebrity and you are one in the million who adore him. I thought that this was just one way to sort of tackle your relationship together. 

I really enjoyed highlighting how you love Vil different from the rest who adore him. The importance of how you see his flaws and still love him--especially because as an influencer Vil has a certain pressure to appear in a certain way. 

Idia’s was the last one I wrote, but I had a lot of fun because I stuffed it full of references. I figured that Idia’s thought process would be more of him thinking life as a game, that’s why he uses terms like support level often in my writing. 

On that note, I know ‘Gao-Gao Dragon-kun’ is a reference to Tamagotchi, but I decided to just merge up Tamagotchi and Pokemon in this case. Hence why ‘Gao-Gao Shield and Sword’ existed lmao. I didn’t put too much effort in that and just switched ‘Shield and Sword’’s order HAHAH. I did consider making it ‘Gao-Gao Gun and Wand’ though. 

‘Water Crest: The Seven Dorms’ is a reference to Fire Emblem: Three Houses. I felt incredibly clever when I came up with that HAHAH. But also, when he references support levels, he’s talking about a gameplay in Fire Emblem. For people who aren’t familiar with this, essentially, FE has a system wherein the more you use two units together the likely their support will rise. The supports go from C-B-A-S, with S as the highest. When Idia says he works hard on S Support, he literally means he went out of his way to spend time with you and befriend you. Isn’t that cute? When he references SS Support, it actually doesn’t exist HAHA, but he didn’t realize there was “another level” sort of thing xD

When I write funny Malleus stories, the other members of Diasomnia are likely to be hiding in the bushes. Most funny stuff probably fly over Malleus’s head so... The other Diasomnia members pop in to react hahaha.

To Malleus, your tendency to treat him as a regular person, and not treating him as a lord--makes him incredibly fond of you. It’s because you treat him as an equal, that makes him treat you as an equal. I also think this was the piece where he started calling you “bright light.” There’s no deeper meaning to it, he really just sees you as a bright light--like a brilliant star. You, literally, light up the world. :,) 

Ver ii order of writing--Ashton, Dire, Divus. I had come up with the premise of Divus first though. 

I think Dire was the hardest one for me, because I kept worrying about things like--’what if he’s not actually like this,’ or ‘what if that isn’t how he would actually act’ etc etc. but I think it turned out pretty alright.

Dire, for all his claims of being a kind person--I think actually is a kind guy. He does have the tendency to be a little manipulative and whatnot... but at the end of the day he does care.

For Divus, I sniffed GBF Belial’s Perfume because I wanted to get inspired (and I sort of headcanon they smelled alike) but it went horny too fast. 

Divus is naturally intrigued with you, and he’s also very aware you’re attracted to him. So it amuses him to fluster you. He’s very aware of how good-looking he is, and he doesn’t mind flirting with people.

How I chose to portray Divus is actually based on how @avionvadion writes Divus in her story “Once Upon A Dream.” please check it out! It’s a super cute fanfic about a girl in Twisted Wonderland~ 

Ashton... I was surprised at how fast I was able to write his piece actually hahha. I went with a no braincell, but cheerful and all-around good guy. 

I don’t think there was a lot of Ashton to really research about, but... I just tried to make him good guy Gaston... for now xD 

Ver iii--it went Floyd, Jamil, Jade, Rook, Lilia, and Epel.

There’s this scene in, I think, the first episode of Avatar: The Legend of Aang where Appa wouldn’t fly. So Sokka just straight up... insulted? Appa? i guess. Then Appa suddenly COULD fly, and Sokka was just straight up amazed and yelling... Yeah that was my primary inspiration for Floyd’s story.

Floyd... Floyd is twins with Jade, let’s not forget that. I’m sure Floyd is actually really intelligent, he just isn’t in the mood to be sometimes. Hence he’s able to really understand something when you say something seriously. I think Floyd would always take you seriously when you say something important. 

For Jade’s story, my inspiration was the story of my dad tripping. It was only witnessed by him and mom. My mom talked about how terrifying it was to watch a six foot tall man fall down. My dad just found it funny. Hence, I thought, Jade should trip. 

Other than that, the general idea I wanted was that it’s our time to pamper Jade. He’s one of the two characters who I know would love to pamper his reader. So this was his lover’s chance to pamper him. Also, he’s also one of two characters who would have an idea about your insane strength.

Jamil, much like Jade, is the type of guy who pampers the people he loves. He doesn’t take to being pampered too well. He’s not used to it. 

Jamil also appreciates getting his hard work recognized, so I’m sure he has a praise kink hahah. He’s also easily embarrassed. I think Jamil needs someone who acknowledges all of his hard work, who also accepts his mistakes. 

Epel was the last one to write, and actually a genuine struggle for me. I always... end up writing something in relation to his struggles with his face and femininity. Epel is someone who wants to be seen as a real man, so I worried about what he’d think of a reader who had the strength he wanted. 

I figured if it was anyone else, it might inspire jealousy in Epel--but because it was his lover, he was able to push aside his negative feelings and look at the bright side. You’re truly his ideal, and he wants to learn how to be strong from you.

Rook was another tough one. There did exist a version where you surprise him... but the more I thought about it, the more I found it impossible for Rook to not know or not have an idea. He’s the other character who would have an idea about your strength.

On that note, thinking about a romantic partner for Rook... I thought what was best was someone who wouldn’t find him odd. Who would actually try to learn about him. 

Lilia’s... was also pretty easy given he enjoyed hanging upside down a lot in the main story hahah. Lilia cute, I love him. Also, when will Lilia stop messing with Idia? Probably never tbh. 

I touched upon the topic of mortality and immortality, but because I wanted this to be lighthearted--I chose not to pursue it. It would drag the mood down, but honestly--it’s something we can’t ignore and is very integral in relationships with Lilia or Malleus.

[fandom-meanderer]

Beauty and the... [Pt. 6]

Pairing: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd x Reader, Sylvain Jose Gautier x Reader, Felix Hugo Fraldarius x Reader

Part: (6/?) [First] [Previous] [Next]

Genre: Romance, Drama

Fandom: Fire Emblem Three Houses

P.o.V.: 2nd

Word Count: 2,584 Words

Warnings: Language

Further Notes: And the long awaited chapter is here! Four chapters after this are left, are you ready?

You watched Sylvain from across the room. You had told Mercedes, who came to check up on you, that you weren’t feeling too well that day and was going to skip classes earlier today and she simply agreed and wished you a happy rest. None of the other Lions were particularly concerned about Sylvain’s absence, it wouldn’t have been the first time this semester when it occurred after all. But now that your hands were free from their snares, your mind wandered back to the night before only more often, and it drove you insane.

What did he mean by that?

Well, of course you knew. It wasn’t the first time you’ve heard him say it, but for some reason it felt different. You weren’t dense. You knew that boy caught feelings for you, and he caught them hard. But you truly didn’t feel the same—

Wait, actually?

You relaxed in your seat in the classroom and watched him yammer on to Felix. Would being in a relationship with Sylvain be that bad? Then you watched as another female student blew him a kiss, to which he winked back at her as if it was just a reflex and you scoffed to yourself.

“What was I even thinking?” You rolled your eyes and opened your book. But some strange thought compelled you for a moment and you shut your book and looked back to who you thought was your older brother figure and your best friend and huffed slightly. “Well…”

You knew Sylvain, you knew him well. If you looked past the obvious flirt, he’s actually a very deep person with very deep insecurities. He’s a lot smarter than people chalk him up to be, and truthfully you don’t think he’s be a bad boyfriend, but he would have to be as hooked to you as you are to him, otherwise you’re just set up for heartbreak.

Now you know Sylvain’s got it bad for you, you didn’t miss the way he blushed, you just elected to ignore it, but at the same time that’s just Sylvain. He gets hooked on one girl, then it dies out like a flame in the rain. You’re very close with him, that much is fact, and you’re really not sure if risking your near sixteen years of friendship is worth a relationship. But there lies the possibility that he is that infatuated with you, but now it’s the argument of is it love or is it infatuation, because both are two very different things, to your understanding. If you were to ask him, truth be told, he’d probably say they’re the same thing.

Now for a brief lesson on the whims of love, as presented by Professor Byleth to his colleagues. The origin of ‘Love’ and the origin of ‘Infatuation’ do stem from the same roots, they start in the heart, but it is where that feeling travels to that differentiates the two. As many might protest against, infatuation travels to the head, while love travels to the rest of the body. Infatuation is to be defined as the being obsessed with the simple idea of being in a relationship, and in this case that is a majority of Sylvain’s feelings in general. Where as love is something that encases one whole, it is the simple deciding factor that allows you to put the other before yourself when necessary, but at the same time to prioritize yourself when you must.

To bring this back to your situation, you know Sylvain enough to know that the boy is constantly hooked on the idea, but never on the truth. You trust Sylvain, you really do, after all, it is him you go to before the others most of the time, he has the best insights once he drops his dumb-jock facade and decides to become an actually decent guy.

“Um… (Name)?” Dimitri tapped your shoulder and you are pulled out of your in-depth analysis.

Dimitri.

Whenever you think you’ve gotten over him, he just has to show his dumb face in front of you in his dumb school uniform with that dumb blue cape and his dumb blue eyes and you feel yourself falling for him all over again. You feel bad for Sylvain, he had to sit through you talking about Dimitri over and over again for years, you thought about apologizing, but whenever you gave a hint to, Sylvain would reassure you that it was fine.

Dimitri is such an enigma, let that be known. You had known him for years, thanks to your mother, and you have seen his rises and falls and everything in between. But the question now arises, is what you feel for Dimitri love or infatuation?

“Oh, hey, Dima, what’s up?” You force a smile on your face and he eyes you suspiciously.

“I was wondering if you could help me out with bow training?” He asked.

Oh, you almost forgot about that. Dimitri’s strong proclamation of switching to bow skills, one you wouldn’t have seen coming from a mile away, but one that wasn’t a horrible surprise. You nodded.

“Sure, I’ll try to get you a silver bow so it doesn’t break again,” you laugh. And there’s another thing that was on your long list of ‘WHY I LOVE DIMITRI.’ It’s the honesty, the way you could read his feelings on his face. The first thing you noticed was how the tips of his ears would turn red first before the rest of his face did, then he would do that nervous side glance that would send your heart racing. Sometimes you were afraid that people would be able to tell how whipped you were for the young prince because, truth be told, the odds of you and Dimitri being end game were short, very short. He’s a prince and you’re a commoner who just happened to be lucky enough to be a part of the lives of nobles, it was just not meant to be.

You would describe your story as a complicated romantic plot. But the boy behind you would describe it as a sob story. As frivolous as he seems, Sylvain is in no way an idiot. He knows your feelings for the Prince, and he knows Dimitri’s feelings for you, there’s no way he could ever stand a chance against the crown prince of Fhirdiad, and in your heart, your relationship has plateaued at ‘Sibling-Like,’ a placement he wasn’t happy with, but one he was willing to maintain.

“Honestly, Sylvain, look at you, you’re pathetic,” Felix scoffs. “You’d might as well just tell her how you feel so you could stop looking like such an oaf when she does as much as breathe.”

“It’s just that we’ve been friends for so long, I don’t think I should say anything,” Sylvain kept his carefree smile on his face, but his words were somber. “Plus, her and Dimitri have a bond we could never have.”

“I don’t think so, but alright,” Felix shrugs. “I’ve had enough of your moping, take action or I will for you.” Sylvain blew a piece of his hair out of the way and slumped his shoulders.

“Yeah, I hear you, Felix,” he groans. The door to the classroom opens and Byleth walks in, tomes and papers stacked in his hands. He tosses them on the table and turns to the class.

“I hope you’re all ready for your first mission as students. Bandit removal, make sure your weapons are ready and repaired, we move out in a few hours,” he instructs. The class affirms his questions collectively and next thing they knew it, they were at the drop-off location, getting in formation.

This wouldn’t be your first time going against enemies, which is sad enough to say. But the life of a commoner isn’t one of luxury. When you weren’t with your mother in the castle, you were with your father at home, home being a small cottage in the middle of the woods since your father was a paranoid maniac.

It sounds cruel, but there’s no other way to put it. From a young age you had to do things for him, and that included making sure people who were hellbent on killing your father, claiming that he was “cursed” or whatever new word they cooked up for him, weren’t a problem. When did it start again? You had to have been ten at least, right?

Oh, goddess above, you just realized how bad that sounded.

Let’s set something straight, you’ve never killed anyone! Gods no. You just scared them away, is all, enough for them not to come back to hurt your father.

Now the person who taught you how to use your sword in the first place was your father, before the “Goddess please take my life away as well as my wife and child” blubber he spouted out, in fact, he was also involved in the Monastery’s defenses, until he was untimely “retired” as Seteth put it.

Another unknown fact to most, actually you didn’t recall ever telling your friends either, you had connections in the Monastery even before you were admitted to the Officers Academy, mainly for fear of being disparaged since you were technically only let in because of “connections,” and goodness how you hated using that word but it was all that was there to use. As far as your classmates know, you got in because of good grades.

Which you believe would have been right, if only you actually went to school.

# Commoner Things.

Regardless, Dimitri and Ingrid’s books always kept you as educated as you had to be.

But let’s get back to the story.

“(Name), I want you and Felix to work together for this battle,” Byleth instructs. “You two should play off of each other well, focus on bow skills.”

“Right,” you nod. You link your arms with Felix. “Guess you’re stuck with me, Lix.”

“Great, now I have to babysit while I’m in battle,” Felix rolls his eyes and you smile.

“I feel like I never partner up with you anymore! What’s the worst that could happen?” You shrug.

“With your luck? Murphy’s Law is your best friend, (Name).”

“Don’t be like that, don’t worry, I have your back!”

That exchange was ten minutes ago.

You and Felix have been pushed back and essentially cornered by the enemy bandits, and the rest of the class was on the whole other side of the battle field.

But it wasn’t your fault! Felix was the one who was cocky enough to think he could handle the west side by himself, and you had to follow him because otherwise Byleth would have failed you. So now the both of you were hiding behind a rock, out of Vulnaries, and on the brink of exhaustion. And since the Professor wanted you to focus on your bow skills he may or may not have confiscated your sword, and Felix was being a dick and not letting you use his.

“How many arrows do you have left?”

“Uh… six.”

“How many enemies are left?”

“Uh… also six.” You hold your bow close to you and Felix holds both of your shoulders.

“Look, (Name), I always make fun of you and say you will never amount to anything because you are a commoner—“

“Geez, Lix, I get it, I’m worthless, chill out.”

“But right now this is me telling you that you can and you will one shot all those enemies because otherwise we will both die out here.”

“Well maybe if you gave me your sword—“

“It’s broken, (Name), you really think I’d give this to you and toss you out there? If Sylvain doesn’t kill me, Dimitri will tear my innards out.”

“Right. Okay,” you nod in tiny. “I dunno, Lix, my hit rate is one to six.”

“You can do it, I know that better than the others,” he shakes you slightly.

“Okay, okay, but if I die I am so convincing the Goddess to let me come back down so I can strangle you.”

“Deal. Now go kill those bandits.”

“Right, okay, right,” you nodded your head again.

Quick reminder, you’ve never killed anyone.

Also quick reminder, you don’t specialize in bow.

Also another reminder, last time you killed a fly you cried.

Okay, good luck, (Name).

You stood up and drew your bow back, focusing on the closest bandit, taking a deep breath in, you adjusted your stance, remembering Claude’s words, and as you exhale, you release the arrow, following it’s trail and hitting the enemy, leaving him out of commission.

“Oh gods, I did it. I actually did that… I am so sorry, I am so so sorry,” your expressions shifted dramatically. Felix poked his head out from behind the rock.

“See what did I tell you, (Name)? Go fuck some shit up!”

“Watch your language, Frauldarius,” you draw your next arrow, a new found confidence setting in you, and aim for your next target. Maybe you’re imagining it, but there was something different about how you were using your bow today, something more intense, to put it simply. Did arrows really fly that fast? And was a wooden bow really that strong enough to eliminate the enemies in one hit?

All questions for later.

Finally there was one last bandit and, using the same technique as the previous bandits, you took your shot.

And missed.

“You missed?!” Felix ran both hands through his hair.

“I told you I was a beginner!”

“So you miss your target the one time you shouldn’t miss?!”

“Oh shut up, Felix, you’re lucky I got the first five!”

“You two are really arguing, at a time like this?” The bandit halted in his tracks.

“Yeah we are, fuck off,” Felix grumbles. You glare at the bandit, grab Felix’s broken-ass sword, and drive it into the bandit’s chest.

“Don’t fucking interrupt me!” You growled. “Anyways, I don’t understand why you’re so unreasonable, Felix, you don’t see me complaining about your attitude 24/7.”

“That’s because you’re weak.”

“Say that again to my face!”

“I did!”

And the argument continued for the Goddess only knows how long and it finally ended when the Professor found the two of you and explained that the battle had been long over, then after a thorough scolding for worrying the entirety of the class, the two of you just decided not to talk to one another. Although you did find some joy in seeing Ingrid nag Felix about his broken sword, going off about how he should have checked before their very important first mission. But then your joy ended when she turned her anger towards you and lectured you on how you should have some respect for the people who were older than you, and also how you shouldn’t argue in battle since it’s “distracting” to the other classmates, but how could it be “distracting” if it was only you and Felix?

Either way, you had a bitter attitude for the rest of the week, and none of the Blue Lions were brave enough to go up to you and even make small talk.

And it wasn’t until Friday night when Felix decided to man up and go up to you.

-

Tag List: @cynicaltj  @jumblybumble

[zenzaaaaaaaaaaaa]

So I was just wondering are there any songs or styles of music you took inspiration from in particular when you wrote the songs from no grave (hold my body)? I love the styles of the songs a lot! I was thinking of trying my hand at writing some of my own but I don't have nearly the skill you do yours are all amazing!

The honest truth is, I have no idea how you’re supposed to write music. I only know how to read sheet music in the context of choir, and I’ve lost most of that ability. I never really learned any instruments when I was young, and I started playing ukulele by the grace of having one and looking online for how to play specific songs I liked. I have no idea how I’m technically supposed to strum a ukulele without a pick, and I have no idea if my hand shapes for some notes are way off base. I live in fear of Ab. I fear what an actual professional would think of me.

I do know how to operate on vibes, and I am somewhat skilled with adopting a vibe or a kind-of-sort-of plot for the song and improvising lyrics on the fly from sometimes just a specific phrase or nothing at all. For the nghmb songs in particular, I put more effort in and usually write down lyrics more methodically, although the lines that started as improv ones tend to have better rhythm and alliteration to them. What Remains is one that has almost all of its lines courtesy of writing them down beforehand, while What The Water Said had a lot of it made by improv and then written down and refined.

I am mostly unaware of any specific influences on my playing style or otherwise. I mostly just play some notes keeping the vibe in mind until I think it’s right and then do lyrics from there, which means that I’m mostly going by ear and don’t know exactly what music is influencing my choices in notes. It does tend to be the music I like, though. I tend to try and stay away from just playing the four notes of pop music (Am, F, C, G). I like to try and keep some of the sounds of The Oh Hellos, Florence + The Machine and Hozier in mind, because they tend to sound either like they love someone with their whole being or like they’re about to go batshit insane in the middle of a glade at midnight. I also like a very specific genre of music with the sort of plodding beat that I cannot describe as anything other than the feeling of watching someone crawl out of their grave and begin slowly, painfully walking back one step at a time back to the battlefront. Examples of that are Far From Home (The Raven), Seven Devils, Lion, Ain’t No Grave, Work Song, So Far, Mr. Rattlebone, and Flesh and Bone. I’m also a fan of those songs that start off somewhat quietly and normally and then eat your ears with many instruments played very loudly and very beautifully. Examples of that are Pale White Horse, Who Are You Really, Cherry Tree, Soldier, Cliffy, Send The Rain (To Everyone), and Caesar. Honestly, just raid my Spotify playlist. It’s a fun little exercise to try and puzzle out which ones I chose for the vibes, which ones I chose for the lyrics, and which ones I chose for both.

I am completely unqualified to give advice, but I’m already three paragraphs deep, so why not. I cannot stress how important knowing the vibe is, but that’s mostly just because I don’t know any way to consume or produce music that isn’t vibe based with a side of lyrical importance. Notes have different feelings, and some of them just feel Bad together. I only know how to do ukulele, and most of the things that I make that feel sad almost ignore the top string entirely. If I want to make something a little fun and rebellious and more angry than sad, then I want to use the top string a lot. Am, D, F, Dm, and E7 all tend to work together nicely, and they work well when played nice and fast. C, Em, G, D, that one note where you play an F but ignore the top string, and C7 also tend to work together nicely, and they work well when played slowly. B is weird most of the time and kinda hard to transition to so I have no idea what it works with.

It’s vibes all the way down, buddy. It’s just playing until the vibes are right, and then singing until the lyrics are right, and being willing to try some weird shit in the middle to work out what does and doesn’t work. I have no idea if this helped or even answered your original question, but I sure did write a lot.

[adozentothedawn]

Weird asks: 4, 11, 15, 47, 58, 73, 98?

Sure thing and thanks for asking! This did get a little long at times, but they are just really fun questions.^^

Asks are here.

4.  how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

I���m not sure how elementary school works in other countries, so short explanation first. Here in Austria we generally only have one teacher for everything in elemetary school aside from exceptions like religion (at least in my school, which was a catholic private school). 

I had three teachers over the four years I was in elementary school (and the religion teacher, but I don’t really remember anything about her). For the first one that i had the first two years I was annoyance because she was a mean bitch (excuse my language). I had really hard time with the other kids and was ahead of them in basically every area that wasn’t social. She helped me with neither, with the explanation that she can’t give me special treatment. 

The second one saw my issues and did her best to keep the other kids in check, and I really liked her. I don’t really know her opinion of me though, aside from ‘child under my care’.

The last one was freshly out of uni and did not deserve having to deal with us as her first class. She really tried though and did her best to at least give me something to do when I was bored. She also told me that she always enjoyed reading my texts. I applied the principle of malicious compliance to those tasks before I even knew what that meant. xD Especially for the creative tasks there was always an obvious way to do it, something that whoever made the tasks clearly expected. I never did it that way, simply out of principle, and instead always found a way to fulfill the tasks without going that obvious way. 

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Generally always tea. I have the best tea cup where 3/4 liter tea fit in. Right now I also have lion flakes, because those are criminally delicious. It’s insane how good they are. I would love to get my hands on a recipe so I don’t have to pay Nestle, but sometimes I just need that shit. Usually it’s just toast with honey, self made apple jam, or the ovomaltine spread though.

15.  favorite book you read as a school assignment?

Krabat and Percy Jackson. Both we read pretty early, though Percy Jackson was more a ploy for us kids to get into reading (and oh boy he did not have to try with me. I just finished the Trials of Apollo, and I’m not sure I’ll say no to the next one Rick Riordan releases). Krabat is more actually german literature history. I liked it a lot, though I know most my classmates didn’t. Personally I really recommend it though, it’s exciting and creepy, and keeps you on your toes. Don’t watch the movie though, it’s crap.

47.  favorite type of cheese?

The one you put into the ove to melt and then eat with bread. It’s basically a less fancy fondue, but it’s really good.^^

58.  four talents you’re proud of having?

Terrific question and a good excercise to do sometimes. Let’s see... I’m a fast learner in most things. I’m a good actress if you give me some time to get into the role. I have a good feeling for language. I have a good feeling for comedic timing.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

I’ll be honest, I’m kind of picky.^^° I don’t try out these kind of things often. I have been told though that I’m weird for making soup with frankfurter sausage, so that maybe?

98.  favorite historical era?

Oh, don’t make me choose! There are so many fascinating things in history. I had really intense ancient egypt phase as a kid, I had a less intense roman and greek phase, I had a thing for the middle ages, there’s just so much. I gues the last thing I hyper focused on was europe in 18th century and beginning of the 19th. I wrote my final paper in high school (41 pages) about Maria Karolina, a queen of Naples and Sicilly, and Napoleon’s nemesis. She was pretty cool.^^ If anyone is interested in reading it I totally send it you.^^ It is german though. Maybe I’ll translate it someday, it would be nice practice... 

[nanofevrier]

#wildoctoberart "Misunderstood" for Inktober

Here is a selection of some of the most misunderstood animals in my opinion. 

Pigs | In English many idioms such as "road hog" or "server hog" associate pigs to negative connotations of dirt, greed, or the monopolisation of resources. In "Animal Farm", the animals who take control of the farm are pigs. The French equivalent of the "Me Too" movement is called "Balance ton porc" meaning "Report your pig", "porc" being a French insult to describe a lustful or ill-mannered disgusting person. In fact, pigs are intelligent, emotional animals and some researches show that they able to solve challenging problems, they love to play, they display a wide range of emotions, and they have unique individual personalities.

Hyena | Their unpopularity is probably partly due to Disney's Lion King which portraits hyenas as stupid giggling cowards. Aristotle described the hyena as “exceedingly fond of putrefied flesh.” Hemingway wrote that they are “hermaphroditic self-eating devourer of the dead.”. Now we know that hyenas actually kill most of their prey, so they are not strictly scavengers. And regarding the "hermaphrodism" myth: spotted hyena females are often mistaken for males because they have a large clitoris — which is often called "pseudo-penis" in many articles... like they do not want to call it by its proper name — and labia that resembles testicles. Hyenas live in compact and unified matriarchal clans, and nurture their young investing more time in their cubs than most carnivores.

Sharks | They have an obvious big PR issue! I watched Jaws for the first time a few years ago and thought the movie has aged badly + what an insane shark-bashing that was... As a reminder, sharks kill 5 people per year, just remember that mosquitoes or dogs kill a lot more! 100 million sharks are killed by commercial and recreational fishing every year! Over 15 different species of sharks are endangered today (Whale Sharks, Angel Sharks, Scalloped Hammerheads, Daggernose Sharks...)

Rats | Musophobia is one of the most common specific phobias. European associations with the rat are generally negative. As a matter of fact, a group of rats is called a mischief and "Rats!" is used as a substitute of swear words in the English language. Rats are believed to have a responsibility in the 14th-century Black Death while fleas carried the plague. They are seen as vicious, dirty, parasitic animals that steal food and spread disease. Thankfully today their reputation starts to improve as science tells us more about this clever and social creature’s behaviour. 

Wolf | The Big Bad Wolf is a recurring antagonist in fairy tales such as The Wolf and the Lamb, Little Red Riding Hood, The Three Little Pigs, Peter and the Wolf. Wolves are said to be cruel and evil while they are mostly shy and discreet animals. Nowadays, wolves are still cattle farmer’s biggest enemy. I just had to search online for “loup + éleveur” and I ended up on a paper saying there’s been a wolf attack in Bourgogne in France and farmers request to kill the wolf. Wolves are a protected species in France and biologists say the more natural wild prey there will be, the less wolves will come and eat sheep.

Vulture | Vultures are depicted as bald, ugly, squabbling and filthy scavengers. But vultures have a vital role in our ecosystems: they clean up carcasses thus avoiding proliferation of bacteria and diseases and contamination of water sources. And if you think they’re ugly — and while painting this vulture I realised they are actually beautiful — research further and you’ll see there are many species of vultures, some very colourful and feathery!

Snake | The evil or untrustworthy serpent, responsible for the Fall of man in Genesis that god cursed into a snake to crawl on its belly and eat dust... Snakes have frightened humans for ages since they are venomous or constrictors. However, they play an important role in the food chain and ecosystem: both as prey for larger birds and as predators to smaller animals such as very fertile rodents. And snakes only bite if they feel threatened. In the United States, more than 40 percent of people bitten by snake intentionally put themselves in harm's way by attempting to capture wild snakes!

Bat | One of the first things I learnt about bats as a little girl is that the urban legend saying that bats will fly into one's hair couldn’t be more groundless : bats can navigate very well in the dark thanks to echolocation! Since the dawn of humanity people have been scared of bats due to their appearance and the fact that they are nocturnal. In many cultures bats were seen as bad omens and symbols of death. Witches are often portrayed in the company of bats, demons with bat-like wings and vampire are traditionally shown to be able to transform themselves into bats. In this list, bats are my personal favourite, I’m not sure why, maybe because I think they’re cute when they sleep upside down and it looks like they hug themselves to sleep... Also...they eat mosquitoes!

Pigeon | Sometimes described as “rats with wings” pigeons have a similar reputation as rodents: dirty, stupid... In Flemish the phrase "simpele duif" ("simple pigeon") is a pejorative term used to refer to dumb or naïve people. We also have that in French: if you call someone a “pigeon” it means they are someone who can easily be tricked. In fact researches show that pigeons are not dumb at all: they are successful at the “mirror test” which show consciousness of self. Some studies show that they even have an understanding of abstract notions like time and space.

I was thinking of other animals to illustrate such as raccoons, opossums, toads... Which animal would you add to that list? What is your favourite?

Sources: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_threatened_sharks https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/animal-emotions/201506/pigs-are-intelligent-emotional-and-cognitively-complex https://www.nationalgeographic.co.uk/animals/2019/06/hyenas-have-bad-rap-theyre-africas-most-successful-predator https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fear_of_mice_and_rats https://onekindplanet.org/animal/rat/  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stereotypes_of_animals#Wolves_and_coyotes https://france3-regions.francetvinfo.fr/bourgogne-franche-comte/attaque-loup-cinquantaine-eleveurs-ont-depose-carcasses-brebis-devant-prefecture-macon-1880072.html https://gizmodo.com/reconsider-the-vulture-1839512786 http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20150713-the-truth-about-vultures https://www.futura-sciences.com/planete/actualites/zoologie-intelligence-pigeons-ils-ont-notion-temps-espace-35576/

[liamoftheirish]

Task 24 - OOC About Your Character

1.     What do you want to get out of playing this character(s)?

To see him and his story develop, especially with relationships. 

2.     Describe your character(s) with three words.

Strong, fierce, caring.

3.     What made you decide to write this muse?

Liam was my first muse in this game, and I always wanted to play someone that went against typical fantasies of wealth and power, instead someone simple-life oriented, quiet, reserved, cold who could develop into something more if unlocked.

4.     If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

Nothing really, everything is carefully crafted to put Liam in the mindset he needs to be in; I already re-wrote his history when I left the game and came back, to flesh him out better. 

5.     If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

Don’t be afraid to open up and love again.

6.     If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

He’s not very sentimental or materialistic, but if possible, maybe one more day with his wife that would let him get closure. 

7.     If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

His unwavering conviction: He has his beliefs, he has his loyalties, and those don’t stray, and it’s an admirable trait to have a strong conviction that you don’t let falter. 

8.     If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?  

His confidence in himself and his beliefs, to not care so much what others think.

9.     Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

I would love Liam to be happy, I thought there was a chance at first, but that fell off; since then, it seems the options are there, but it’s on him to be more open to allow for it. Clearly the man has lived a violent, angry, and lonely life, one that he created himself because of his nature. He hasn’t allowed himself to love since his wife passed (by his hands in a blood rage), and he hasn’t allowed himself to love again. There’s been a few that have nearly unlocked that, but it’s not until he allows himself to admit it and forgive himself, that he’ll ever be truly happy.

10. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

I do, even if he doesn’t seem ‘angsty’, fact is stuff bothers him inwardly and he worries. He just doesn’t like to show weakness or too many sides to himself. He has been more open, and recently been questioning some of his actions. Hurting him the most would be him harming someone he cares deeply about.

11. What do you love about your muse?

His confidence, and again, his unwavering conviction. His simple-life mindset is also something I greatly appreciate.

12. What do you hate about your muse?

His coldness and closed off mindset.

13. What about your muse amuses you?

The fact that pop-culture references just go flying over his head, because he just does not care a thing about film or TV.

14. What about your muse makes you sad?

The fact that he feels so lonely despite his friends. 

15. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

He’ll be cold, distant, a bit stand offish. May be a bit intimidating, and maybe a bit too matter-of-fact in speaking, seems to lack any real filter. If you can accept that and work past it, he’s a good friend to have though.

16. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

Probably, but it’d be hard for me to feel comfortable to call him a friend; I’d be pretty intimidated around him until I got to know him.

17. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

I’m more open, empathetic, able to befriend people easier, but Liam has a confidence and conviction that I lack and wish I had. I wish I could care less about what people think of me, and be more confident in who and what I am.

18. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

We both care deeply about people we love, we’re both a bit quieter, and both of us aren’t the most social of butterflies; while Liam would prefer to sit at home wood working and working on cars, I’d more than happily sit at home and write or watch movies.

19. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

Again, it’s his pure and unwavering confidence and conviction. I think that probably is the same with Liam as well, holding onto his identity is so invaluable to him, because if he loses that he’ll lose control and that’s when he’ll slip back into what he used to be. He struggles with the fact that he’s a violent, insatiable killer, but at the same time has compassion for life and doesn’t WANT to just attack and kill. And he has to make sure he accepts that aspect of him, of what he WANTS to be, so he can balance that against what he can be. His confidence and conviction helps maintain that balance.

20. Has your character(s) changed over the time that you have been playing them? How have they changed?

While Liam’s fundamentals, his rules to live by and moral convictions have mostly stayed the same. He has slowly opened up more, been more open to listen and talk with people; though, he doesn’t often talk about himself, he can let a bit of his past slip in here or there. He’s learned to not look at others as potential enemies or victims, but instead daring to call some of them friends. He’s able to laugh more, joke more, hopefully someone’s willing to push that to the next level someday.

About You!

1.     What is your name?

Matt

2.     What is your profession?

Beer and Wine Steward

3.     What do you do to relax?

Listen to music, write, watch films, play video games.

4.     What is your favorite treat (desert)?

Ice Cream on fresh-baked brownie/cookie with fudge dripped over it all.

5.     Favorite movie -

I’m a massive film buff, so almost every movie is a favorite to me in some fashion. I adore Star Wars for several reasons, not all of them good. Maybe my favorite movie is probably a toss up between The Big Lebowski or No Country for Old Men, any film with incredible dialogue really. But then I also absolutely love beautiful BS like the MCU films and got shivers during the Portals scene in Endgame, so yea... no idea really.

6.     Favorite book -

Currently: The Immortal Irishman - Timothy Egan (This needs to be made into a movie)

7.     Favorite vacation spot -

My favorite vacation I ever went on is a toss up between trip with friends to Portland for a wedding, and Chicago for Star Wars Celebration, but I’ve always wanted to visit Ireland. I intend to try next year.

8.     Favorite Disney movie -

The Lion King (I’m basic bitch like that, don’t at me.)

9.     How did you first get into role playing?

I started playing back when I was around 13 or 14, back on AOL, playing a Jedi in a D&D like setting... because that’s what I knew. People were accepting of it, and it was some of the greatest experience. I love story telling. 

10. What was your first platform? If it was something other than Tumblr, what made you get into Tumblr?

AOL. And why Tumblr? AOL moved to Greatest Journal, which died, and moved to Insane Journal, and I met a girl there who told me about Tumblr RP, which I said ‘that sounds stupid’... and now I’m here. So there’s that. I still really don’t know what I’m doing half the time on Tumblr, no idea how to discover games on this platform, lol.

11. What’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

100% it’s tenses. Past/present, I just write how I talk and it’s bad writing, I know. I will also simultaneously explain way too much in depth, and other times get ridiculously lazy writing in-depth.

12. Are there any languages besides English in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

Just English. I’ve tried to learn other languages, but for whatever reason it’s very hard for me to wrap my mind around sentence structure and grammar rules in other languages.

13. Do you listen to music while your write?

Depends. If it’s just basic writing, an easy-going scene, probably not? I can get distracted from time to time; however, if I’m trying to get into a specific mood most definitely. Or if I feel a scene is heading somewhere that needs a good soundtrack? I’m a sucker for soundtracks in film, and music can really drive my mood (which is why it can be a distraction). And sometimes I write a scene specifically because I was hearing music that put me in that mood.

14. Are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

Evening. Which is why changing positions at work will help me, when I start working more during the day. When I work at night it’s hard for me to get up and get going enough in the morning to write. 

15. How does tiredness affect your writing?

Do you know how many times I write something exhausted, and when I come back to read it I absolutely hate it? It affecs me greatly...

16. What is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

Motivation, mood. I’m up and down in my moods, and sometimes I’m feeling down, exhausted, both, or sometimes I just feel inadequate in my writing and hate writing because I judge my abilities and suddenly don’t want to write. 

17. How many drafts is a paralyzing amount?

None? It’s more my mood and how far I get behind that’s paralyzing, but when I’m not feeling down or depressed, I’m in a normal mood or a great mood, I can write 30 threads in a single sitting and not miss a beat. I’m sure others can attest to how far I can turn around a reply when I’m on my game. (probably annoyingly).

18. Is there anything character-wise or writing style-wise that you can’t stand?

It’s probably Godmodding, it takes away from the fun of writing WITH people if you’re trying to control their actions.

19. What kind of anonymous questions are your favorite?

Things that make me think about my character, or have my character think. Things that make me really develop my character’s mind.

20. What is your weakest point in writing? Angst, fluff, dialogue, etc.?

I love dialogue in film, so maybe it’s a bit ironic that writing dialogue can easily be an achilles heel for me. It’s hard for me to write fluff or small talk, because I’ve personally never been very good at small talk, and focusing that in my writing is difficult. Fluff is kind of the same way, because it’s all romantic and cheesy and really? I feel a bit embarrassed when writing it. Though that’s more or less for some characters more than others. Murad I can get a bit more fluffy and small talky because I can be outwardly weird with him, where as Liam... his quiet reserve and demeanor make those difficult.

[ton-e]

Little details about the 513 Thunderfam that make me really happy/intrigued me a lot and deserve to be talked about more sksksk

Everyone thought Borr may suffer of insanity not because of the general shittiness he caused, but because he wasn't fateful to Bestla and didnt even thought of her as beautiful, objective or otherwise

As a child, Hel was described as 'fragile' and 'delicate' for his softness towards animals, children, elderly, and so an so. It's said he was a very sensitive boy who couldn't even stand the sight of ants being stepped on and cried immediately when anyone was bullied so he made Odin promise to keep conflicts at bay (Odin did, even if he knew it was outside his control)

But he was also a little shit who pulled pranks as often as sun raised, especially on rich Lords. He enjoyed pranking his family the most because his tricks and schemes made Bestla laugh, which she didn't do a whole lot of. It was especially funny when magic came into play because the sight of Odin and Bestla trying to give diplomatic speeches with blue hair and Santa Claus beard is a sight EVERYONE should enjoy

That being said IDUNN was very fucking rowdy and liked to roundhouse anything she got her energetic little hands on, from some poor kid not knowing what they were getting into all the way to the Queens Guard who became Fearful KSKSKKS

Most of her pastime is spend either coloring on the Castle walls because it's the only place big enough to fit her ideas, or teaching princesses how to break someone's neck with the material of their dresses and go skyriding with her Pegasus until they were sick

.When she wanted to spend extra time with Freyja, she'd pay cleaning maidens to inform her she was running around the training grounds with the Valkyries knowing her mom would stop the meeting she was caught into, pick up the ends of her royal dresses and chase her around and she did everytime skksks

Skuld is basically the cool aunt that gives you your first joint, never married, slides you a 100 dollar bill when your parents aren't looking, is like "who's bothering you?? That little shit??? Alright let's go kick his ass", most likely a lesbian, loves her grandkids to death and jokingly says she has favorites that change according to favors she needs jsksk

Her and Balder have a love hate relationship, you just KNOW they do. Balder enjoys her presence because it annoys Borr, and Skuld likes anyone who can match her in wits. They greet eaxhother like "Good day wench" "Looking good for once in your life, shithead"

Once, when Odin and Freyja were 10, they broke into the Castle's supply of drinks and wanted to try the wine that won Borr such fame. They were caught by Shaggydog who ends up giving them both a wack upside the head and a promise to tell Bestla about this bc fuck you kids we do not need anymore drunks in this household sksksk

Freyja knows for a FACT Bestla is a worse fate than Borr so she makes him a deal: If he can drink more than them, they'll follow without complaint. If they outdrink him, he has to cover for them when they do play raids in the city. Shaggydog is ofc like, I drank with an entire army supplied by the God of drunkards himself I think I can manage

It takes Odin less than one goblet before he passes out. Freyja makes sure to stick her tongue out at the knight later that week as they sneak out of the Castle and doesn't stay long enough to see Shaggydog giving her the bird sjsjs

It's?? Very uncommon for Bestla to be anything other than stoic, Its a practiced controlled only southern ladies have but also a frosty camouflage she learned early, when she was first dropped in Asgard and knew no one and nothing. She's a Queen loved by many, and she loves her people just fine, but it's a one at a million time occurrence to catch a glimpse of the smile she saves only for her children, Skuld and Shaggydog, her laugh even more of a rarity. The only one that made her laugh out loud was Eitri and Hel :>>

It doesn't matter how taller and older he gets, Odin is still referred to as "little lion" by his mom and Skuld and I think that's adorable skksks

Farbauti just,,, Inviting himself to Borrs party KNOWING Borr hates him, therefore he didn't extend an invitation to him but the man has a 5'11 wolf mama besides him and a very sharp sword what are you gonna do

FRIGG CALLING OUT BORR ON HIS OWN BIRTHDAY FOR BEING A LIAR ABOUT HIS VICTORIES IN BATTLE AND ALSO BECAUSE HE WAS MEAN TO HER DAD SKSKSK

"Entertainment women" seeing Odin fresh out of battle and pushing their titties around for him to say, I only love my mama and my horse I'm sorry-

FRIGG AND FARBAUTI POUNCING WJWJW

The crowns three talking about the times they first broke rules after getting away from the party.

"Well I had that whole anarchy and stabbing the maker I never met thing for a while, like that happened"

"When I was 5 one of my tutors gave me a bad grade on a paper, so I learned her handwriting and sent words of marriage annulment to her husband. Turns out that was lover and her actual husband found out, so yeah, I kinda ruined her life"

Odin just looks around as if to check if someone was listening, Frigg and Farbauti prepare to hear something really bad but Odin, eyes big and serious, remorseful even, says "When I was small, I stole a chicken leg from the kitchens before dinner bells rang" he doesnt get why they're laughing he spent at least half the evening in the corner KWKWK

[yourdearhart]

Louis’ Self-worth (pt. 2)

Part 2: The Mental Aspect

*manga spoilers below*

So we’ve addressed Louis’ feelings on being an herbivore, which amount to pretty intense hatred for his body and his instincts. What about the more mental/emotional aspect of his self-esteem? It can seem hard to peg, as we see both moments of serious self-loathing, as well as moments where he thinks he’s real hot shit. Let’s take a closer look.

Once again, we go back to Louis’ early childhood in the livestock pen. Here, he was raised as a product: he had a very defined purpose. He was food. Someday, a carnivore would pay to kill and devour him. Of course that’s not what happened--Oguma bought him and raised him as his son. But the base facts didn’t change: Louis was purchased for a purpose. Not to be food, but to be Oguma’s heir. Oguma paid a set price to receive a product.

Louis’ valuation of himself comes entirely from what he’s able to achieve, including how well he fulfills Oguma’s need for an heir. In short, Louis views himself not as being intrinsically worthy, of having unconditional value based on being a living being, but very much having conditional value: he’s worth something because of what he can do. So when he’s the top of his class, when he’s the president of the club, when he’s the star of the show, then his is valuable and worthy and the best. But when he fails--when he’s too injured to perform, when he wrongly takes the mayor’s advice, when he can’t stop Legoshi from getting into a dangerous fight--he has achieved nothing, and therefore, he is worth nothing.

Louis: Any mistake I make onstage...will be the death of me.

This is how we see his view of himself swing so wildly from “Me, me, me!” right before the Adler performance, to his meltdown during Legoshi’s fight with Riz because he realizes how helpless he is. When Louis is performing at his best, there’s no one who can surpass him. When he doesn’t meet his own insane standards, he’s worthless.

Louis (“Dazzling Dictatorship”): Because I’m the only one who counts. Devote yourselves to...me! This is MY battle. I won’t let anyone interfere.

Louis (“A Drop of 18-times Concentrate”): To become strong...to survive...I committed sin after sin...and when I finally decided to stop, I drove my dear friend [Ibuki] to his death...because I’m so damn weak.

This swerves into headcanon territory, but I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to imagine that Louis saw his “adoption” by Oguma as conditional as a fawn: that is, if he did not do what Oguma wanted, he would be returned to the livestock pen as a faulty product. I’m sure he got past this, but that would have been a part of his mindset during very formative years. And we know that Oguma helped create Louis’ perfectionist obsession. Consider the discussion they have in his hospital room about his college entrance exams:

Oguma: “The university you’re going to: Galdona University. Your entrance exam’s schedule has been decided...I won’t tell you to study. Just be sure you pass.”

Louis: All business talk...I guess we can’t be father and son without being business partners.

Louis: “I’ll do just fine.”

It’s very clear from their discussion that they’ve done this song and dance before. Oguma gives Louis a task, Louis is expected to excel at that task. Oguma doesn’t say “do well or I’ll punish you” -- there is no or. Failure is not an option. For Louis, the implication, of course, is that if he does not do well, he has no value. The way Louis describes their relationship--business partners--is a very loaded way to describe a parent-child relationship (and to Louis, the business aspect is more prominent than the familial). Oguma is in charge and Louis does as he is told, or he has failed to uphold his end of the contract. We never see Oguma bring up saving Louis’ life to shame or pressure him, but I find it hard to believe Louis doesn’t consider it himself. Does he not owe the animal that saved him, took him in?

This is part of why we see him strive so ardently to be Oguma’s perfect heir even when Oguma’s goals come into direct conflict with his own desires (seen most prominently in his love life, with the utter absence of attraction between him and Azuki, and his clear interest in Juno, despite his strong commitment to Azuki and the marriage arranged by their parents). If Louis does not serve the purpose Oguma wants, then Oguma has wasted 7 million yen and 14 years of time and effort.

Every child wants to be loved, most especially by their guardians. I’m sure part of Louis’ perfectionism stems from an “If I do well enough, my father will love me” mindset, even unconsciously. But it goes past that, into Louis’ own valuation of his worth. To he himself, he is worth nothing if he’s not on his A-game. He doesn’t feel good about himself if he’s not the best.

Early in S1, the most vulnerable we see Louis is in the flashback to his first year when he shed his antlers and took shelter in Haru’s garden. What is his most pressing concern, standing in front of a strange girl dripping blood and holding his antlers?

Louis: “Promise me you won’t tell anyone! Swear to me that you won’t tell anyone Louis the red deer lost his antlers.”

His reputation. His image of perfection. It’s only when Haru assures him she has no idea who he is and doesn’t care about his reputation that he relaxes.

Briefly, Louis abandons his quest to be the perfect heir, during his stint with the Shishigumi. But as soon as he leaves, he’s back to the same behavior as before, visible immediately in his and Oguma’s tet-a-tet at the hospital. And even among the Shishigumi, Louis refuses to accept anything but perfection from himself, to the point of starving himself trying to eat a lion’s diet to show that he can be one of them. When Ibuki observes Louis’ ill health and correctly guesses he’s not eating properly, and tries to remedy the situation, Louis is outraged.

Louis: “Wh-what’s your deal? Are you trying to make a fool out of me? ...Did you want to see me drooling over vegetables so you could sneer at me?”

By suggesting Louis could not manage to survive like the lions do, to make himself one of them (even though it was obvious), Ibuki threatened Louis’ image of strength and unwavering perfection, so he naturally responded as if it were an attack. In threatening Louis’ image, Ibuki threatened both his worth and therefore his safety within the Shishigumi (as he will only remain their boss--remain alive--as long as he is valuable to them).

When Louis reflects on Legoshi’s upcoming fight with Melon, he has this thought:

Louis: I don’t want you to end up like Father and Ibuki where you’ll die because of my helplessness, Legoshi!

How Louis has managed to convince himself his father’s death in a car accident is his fault, I don’t know, but we see again that results-based valuation: because they died--because Louis could not save them--he failed, and is worthless. There’s also a discussion to be had on Louis’ perception of strength and weakness, doubling back to the physical aspect of his self-worth and his loathing of herbivores, but let’s put that off for now.

Louis tends to have a very negative self-image, because he only sees himself as worthy when he’s perfect--which is nuts. Nobody can be perfect all the time, so he necessarily fails his own standards regularly and devalues himself for that. He does not view himself as having intrinsic, unconditional value: his mere existence as a sentient, living being does not garner him any worth in his eyes. He is valuable only for his contributions; for what he provides. For what he can do.  This results in widely varying self-valuations depending on what’s going on at the given moment, but ultimately it always swings back to something negative, because Louis has to be constantly achieving and performing to maintain his self-esteem. Even neutrality results in a negative image, because while there may not be failure, there is an absence of achievement, which is tantamount to the same thing.

If Louis is not performing, if he is not achieving, if he is not an object of admiration and envy and glory, he’s nothing at all.

And I say again: this deer is going to kill himself with exhaustion someday.

View Part 1: The Physical Aspect here.

[openyourmindtocloseit]

The Illusion of Need In My Life

What do you need? Do you desire to live a life oozing with passion, pleasure, and beauty? Would a bottle of Bordeaux enhance your sense of personal grandeur, with its elegant label harkening back to the 1920ies era of dancing, literary giants smoking in cafes, and midnight strolls down narrow European city streets with dewy, stone paved roads glistening in the moonlight? It would sit there on the table with some fresh fruits, a few stinky cheeses that cost a pretty penny, and some toasted nuts and chocolates to complete this romantic sight. It does create an ambiance. Real wood, candles, french music wisping through the house, the smell of bread being baked. We are human, and being such our senses tell us something about what is good and what’s bad. Those rotten eggs, yeah, they smell bad, you shouldn’t eat them. That lavender, it is lowering your stress and evoking feelings of peace and tranquility with each sniff, you should continue to wear that lotion and to smooth the wrinkles in your hand and allow the tension you have had in your face to relax, it was barely perceptible before that moment. How long had your brow been furrowed? I digress. We use our senses to tell us the difference between good and bad, sick and healthy, dangerous and safe. These are good things and it is wise for us to discern these things and not blindly walk, this expression in itself is based on a revoking of our senses, but what I am saying is we don’t walk blindly into situations that would endanger us. We use sense and sense comes from that wise use of senses. At this point I may have lost you, and I do apologize for belaboring these words and describing to you something so commonplace, does it really need to be discussed? Well I would argue that many things I perceive and see to be obvious points of fact in life and in the human experience, have in my lifetime become things many people around me seem to question, or are urged to question. Is it all an illusion? Are we really just mindless chemical factories that operate on some sort of cosmic battery pack and everything I hope, sense, will, and pray for is not only pointless, but it was pointless to believe it wasn’t pointless. Depressed yet? Yeah, me too. Let’s leave that behind and get to the meat here. 

What I have learned about my senses is that they are powerful and at times I find it hard to overcome them for the good of myself and those I love. It is evident to me, that I am constantly being marketed too, and yet, at times I forget that it is marketing and that it is not necessary for a full life to own more beautiful things, taste more delicious wines and foods, and have more cozy days in sweaters. I do love those things and do not intend to leave them out of my life, however, to acknowledge to oneself that the feeling of need is not the actuality of need is important. Today I was looking at these beautiful bottles of wine and I had some other work to do, but I thought, I really have to figure out how to get this for an affordable price because life is less rich without pleasures like this, and I love the taste of good wine and pair it with a good meal, well I am a darn connoisseur, and I can encourage others to live richly without the money or luxury, but simply with a bottle of wine… which both cost money and is a luxury. You may say, yeah I think this is just your disordered mind, but I know more than I have this experience when we see something that seems like it could really elevate our lives and believe that it is of utmost importance to find another area to pinch in order to bring that luxury into our lives. For now, I am thankful I saw my insanity before I purchased a box of wine way over what my budget would allow, which is approximately zero dollars spent on wine. It is so unromantic. I like to be the Parisienne in my mind, and believe that I would rather have wine than rice, and that my legs will carry me anywhere I absolutely need to go if my car breaks down. The truth is, however, I do not live in Paris. The city I live in is stretched across miles and miles, and many areas are dilapidated and industrial spaces that do not always keep the most savory characters on it’s corners and streets. I would be putting myself in more potentially dangerous situations due to traffic, pollution, people, and general exhaustion if I walked each place I needed to be. I would be wiser to save my wine dollars to get my car tuned up or save for an upgrade in cars entirely. I humbly divulge this information to tell you that this has to be conscious for me, it is not obvious. I am unreasonable, I am sensuous, and senseless… Which seem like contradictions, but we don’t rely solely on our senses and their pleasures, we rely on our consciousness, and that consciousness can also be disordered which would be mental illness, but more on that another time. 

Really, what would be most beneficial is not to buy more things, although many things help us to lead more productive, well ordered, loving, lives and I am not against all purchases by any means, even purchases of wine, I do hope someday to budget a few delectable wines into my life, but many purchases are wildly unnecessary and are at their root a sort of covetous discontentment. It is your fault, because it is your heart that reacts to these advertisements and we know from Jerimiah 17:9 that:

 The heart is deceitful above all things,

    and desperately sick;

    Who can understand it?

… and yet, we can help ourselves a bit. What does that look like for me? Oh, well, simple thankfulness, knowing what’s in my home already, and also unsubscribing from things that market to me endlessly. I often get off social media and have recently realized that being free from that constant stream of marketing is also helpful. I would encourage most people to say goodbye to social media for good, but I understand the right attraction to it. The benefits rarely outweigh its detriment to my life. However, I plan to write on that another time. For now, I leave you with a bit of wisdom from Saint Augustine, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” and this great piece of poetry from Job:

Job Continues: Where Is Wisdom?

28 “Surely there is a mine for silver,

and a place for gold that they refine.

2  Iron is taken out of the earth,

and copper is smelted from the ore.

3  Man puts an end to darkness

and searches out to the farthest limit

the ore in gloom and deep darkness.

4  He opens shafts in a valley away from where anyone lives;

they are forgotten by travelers;

they hang in the air, far away from mankind; they swing to and fro.

5  As for the earth, bout of it comes bread,

but underneath it is turned up as by fire.

6  It's stones are the place of sapphires,1

and it has dust of gold.

7  “That path no bird of prey knows,

and the falcon’s eye has not seen it.

8  dThe proud beasts have not trodden it;

the lion has not passed over it.

9  “Man puts his hand to the flinty rock

and overturns mountains by the roots.

10  He cuts out channels in the rocks,

and his eye sees every precious thing.

11  He dams up the streams so that they do not trickle,

and the thing that is hidden he brings out to light.

12  g“But where shall wisdom be found?

And where is the place of understanding?

13  Man does not know its worth,

and it is not found in the land of the living.

14  iThe deep says, ‘It is not in me,’

and the sea says, ‘It is not with me.’

15  Itl Cannot be bought for gold,

and silver cannot be weighed as its price.

16  It cannot be valued in the gold of Ophir,

in precious onyx or sapphire.

17  Gold and glass cannot equal it,

nor can it be exchanged for jewels of fine gold.

18  No mention shall be made of coral or of crystal;

The price of wisdom is above pearls.

19  qThe topaz of Ethiopia cannot equal it,

nor can it be valued in pure gold.

20  “From where, then, does wisdom come?

And where is the place of understanding?

21  It is hidden from the eyes of all living

and concealed from the birds of the air.

22  Abaddon and Death say,

‘We have heard a rumor of it with our ears.’

23  t“God understands the way to it,

and he knows its place.

24  For her looks to the ends of the earth

and sees everything under the heavens.

25  When he gave to the wind its weight

and apportioned the waters by measure,

26  when he made a decree for the rain

and wa way for the lightning of the thunder,

27  then he saw it and declared it;

he established it, and searched it out.

28  And he said to man,

‘Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom,

and to turn away from evil is understanding.’”