#they are also a bunch of monsterfuckers but like. whatever

[schadenfreudich]

My headmates react to Monsta like they have discovered the most greatest song in existence that no one knows and like it wasn't in the german charts back in 2010 and also rank 3, meaning anyone who listened to the german radio in the early 2010's probably knows the song. Or like the song isn't basically just "I am so drunk and this hot woman just turned out to be a monster which just makes her more hot".

But yeah, it's a fun song. I understand why they like it.

[theshebinator]

I guess W/nterkov is considered roship-pay to some people and I wholeheartedly disagree so proshitters get off my lawn

[sunderwight]

Much as I love the idea of PIDW being rife with terrible porn tropes and interesting (if contrived) erotic writing conventions, all actual evidence in canon would seem to indicate that apart from some sex pollen and "uh oh, the protagonist has gone into a fugue state, whatever shall calm him down?" type stuff, it was fairly vanilla.

Like, that's part of both Shen Yuan and Airplane's frustration with it, I think. It's full of sex and it's not even sex either of them enjoy the concept of. Airplane was fully just trying to pander to an audience he felt he knew and could manipulate, but not one either he nor his ultra mega hate reader were actually part of.

Not that they understood that themselves at the time.

I mean I know fandom likes to make Airplane less closeted than Shen Yuan (for a lot of reasons), which I support, but I feel like in canon at least... he didn't cotton on to Luo Binghe's change in interests at first either. It wasn't until he was watching his protagonist obsess over resurrecting Shen Qingqiu at any cost that the light started to dawn. For Shang Qinghua, also, many more years have passed since he was back in their original world. He's had more time to reconcile himself to certain ideas.

What glimpses we get of the person he was before he died, was reborn, and lived a whole other life well into adulthood, would seem to indicate that he probably wasn't much better than Shen Yuan back when he was writing.

I mean he probably was still BETTER (the bar is on the floor), like I bet he could have a fantasy featuring Mobei Jun without having an existential crisis or pretending it didn't happen, but he would have probably been like "wow I guess I've been writing so much m/f porn that I can't even enjoy it anymore and my brain had to come up with something else, anyway Mobei would make a hot chick tho, I'm gonna write one of his cousins as Binghe's next wife" and gotten on with things.

Basically I guess what I'm driving at is that it would be funny if SQQ and SQH figured they had a solid handle on the kinds of sex pollen-y porn tropes to expect from the world (mostly just the occasional fuck-or-die that missionary can cure), only for the rug to get ripped out from under them because the system incorporated a bunch of stuff from Airplane's subconscious to fill out the gaps. Not even his notes. His daydreams and fantasies.

SQQ: what the hell?! PIDW didn't even have werewolves or tentacle porn monsters!

SQH, suddenly reminded of some very specific fap sessions: right?! this is definitely weird and in no way my fault! it must be because of the genre switch!

SQQ: *suspicious*

SQH: which is your fault! you made the protagonist gay! in fact it's probably your fault that I'm gay too now!

SQQ: bullshit. what did you do. was this in a draft?!

SQH: *sweating* I can say with absolute confidence that it was not! I never wrote anything like this!

SQQ: *having a crisis now because maybe he DID accidentally cause the monsterfucker stuff and he desperately doesn't want anyone to realize that he's actually into it*

SQH: *continuing to sweat because the world is consistently manifesting content from his personal spank bank and if cucumber ever figures that out he's a dead man*

[therobotmonster]

22 Alternate Reinterpretations of Partially Public Domain Characters

For when "horror monster" is too obvious. As the public domain catches up with more and more of our media darlings' most inaccessible and irrelevant iterations, some variety is in order. Any B-to-D grade movie, game, tv or quick-service-restaurant style-studio/entity/cabal is welcome to use these as jumping off points.

Reinterpretation is the 'true story' that it is implied the still-in-copyright-media-franchise is based on, used as vehicle to criticize/parody megacorp owners through their supposed revisions.

Your collection of Public Domain players go all "Muppets _____" on an unrelated story.

They're furries now (The "Disney's Robin Hood")

It's a monster movie, but a kaiju monster movie.

Rock opera.

The Shonen or Shojo reboot.

We aren't doin' the 'and zombies' or 'vampire hunter' thing anymore? When did that stop?

Similar story, completely different historical time/setting.

Jason and the Argonauts, the public domain character(s) are there. The Argo was the ancient Greek Avengers and also your grandpa was there, so this one's actually like, literary.

Retired 1920s toon becomes livestreamer/tiktoker/whatever in misguided avenue to relevancy.

They're brand-safe pocket monsters.

They're exactly the same, the world is contemporary around them (ala Brady Bunch movie)

Straight-faced monsterfucker romance w' public domain character in the sexy fishman role.

Surreal office comedy.

The Next Generation AKA they have kids.

The Preadolescent Prequel, AKA they ARE kids.

Rule 63, all female, all male, all capybara, etc, reinterpretation.

90s XTREME retro style.

The Inappropriate Saturday Morning Cartoon Adaptation (Gatsby and Pals!)

Nigh-insufferable yet undeniably interesting Grant Morrison-y meta-fictional fantasy take.

... in space!

22. Full 1950s style musical with showgirls*.

*non-negotiable.

[katyawriteswhump]

Morning in the Hell-Wood (Steddie holiday drabble, Steddie Bingo fill)

For @steddieholidaydrabbles day 16 prompt, “tree,” and @steddiebingo fill, Magic au.

WC: 992; Rating: E; CW: partially shapeshifted sex, monsterfucking omfg srsly self, unforgivable weirdness. Tags: Omega Steve, Alpha-Druid-Mage Eddie, half-monster Eddie, magic au, sexual content, fluff, attempt at humor. Summary: Steve gets horny whenever his Alpha rescues him from peril. But when your Alpha is a shape-shifting Druid, issues occasionally arise...

🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

“You realize what day it is?” Steve shared a cozy bowl of oatmeal with his Alpha, by the hearth in their cabin. “The sixth before the freakin' solstice—time to fetch in the tree.”

“Shit!” Eddie jumped up, grabbing his cloak and staff.

“Woah! You’re keen!”

“Sweetheart, sorry. Just remembered there’s an important Druid council today.”

Steve dumped the bowl down, irritated. It was cool that his Alpha was also a powerful Druid mage. Eddie rescued him from a shitty arranged marriage, and he loved his new life. He did, however, get antsy when Eddie disappeared—sometimes for whole days, pleading “Druid duties.”

He grabbed Eddie’s cloak-tails, yanked him around. “I know about your ‘important councils.’ It’s a bunch of mage losers, rolling dice, pretending they’re villagers and trading sheep! I’d wanna come if it wasn’t mind-numbing.”

Eddie enfolded Steve for an irritatingly brief kiss. “Babe, you must stay here today.”

“My tree, dude!”

“Stay!” Eddie’s Alpha voice set Steve shuddering. “We’ll bag one tomorrow. Together.”

With a swish of his cloak, he vanished.

“Stay?” muttered Steve, once he’d stopped trembling. “No way, bitch. I’m not a dumb hell-wood hound.”

He slung an ax over his shoulder, headed into the snow. Eddie placed protection spells around the cabin. Steve, nevertheless, knew enough magic to escape, though soon regretted it. He was shivery and missed his Alpha. He swung his ax at the first pine he stumbled across.

“Ssssss-top that.”

Steve whirled about. “The FUCK?”

No answer. Just the breeze, or Omega jitters? He lifted the ax. Something wrapped tight about his wrist.

A twiggy tendril? Was he caught in another tree? He tugged, and the branch tightened like a noose. He dropped the ax, even as thick stems seized his other wrist and both his ankles.

“Shiiiiiiit!”

Steve’s heart raced like the snared bunny he was. Billions of beasties hunted Omegas in the Hell-wood. Daytime was usually safe though. Screw it, and now he had to be scared of leafy-ass trees?

The eerie whisper came again: “You tried to sssslay. You mussssst pay.”

“Alpha! Eddieeeeee!”

Steve sobbed with mortal fear. Thick vines crept around his throat, crushing against his windpipe—then, suddenly, they retreated. He crashed to his knees, gasping raggedly. When he peeped up, it only got worse.

Two tree-monsters brawled over him.

His attacker was at least seven-feet tall, with prickly pine-needles. The newcomer was larger, with frilly oak leaves. It ripped the pine apart with enormous, woody hands then swung around, stretched a branch toward Steve.

Who should’ve been fainting with terror.

Instead, a familiar herby musk soothed his inner Omega. He placed his shaking hand in the oak-monster’s, gazing up into soft brown eyes.

“Alpha?”

Gnarled bark smoothed into a human face, and that dimpled smile Steve adored. He wasn’t even that startled. Druids shifted into bear, stag or wolf-form, to control the beasts of the hell-wood, so…

“I said stay, Honey-pie." Eddie enfolded Steve against a bark-clad chest. “Oooookay, explanation. So many idiot villagers chop trees this date every year, the trees got wise. Druid’s started out as tree-guardians. These days, we protect humans too, so… today’s a busy one.”

“Riiiight,” murmured Steve. “Whatevs. Uh... you’re mega-hot like this.” He couldn’t help it—whenever Eddie rescued him from peril, his inner Omega turned wobbly. Then horny. Eddie’s scent had rarely been more yum, and Steve was getting slick.

“Baby,” said Eddie, teeth gritted. “Love you to the Otherworld and back, and you're cute when you're ruffled... but I’m still kinda half-tree.”

“I know, right?” whined Steve, feebly humping one of Eddie’s log-come-legs.

Eddie’s gravelly moan wasn’t quite human. Which was… sizzlin'. Eddie kissed him, brief, rough and claiming, before tearing his lips free, leaving Steve gaping. He fixed on Eddie’s gorgeous human eyes, while multiple twiggy hands stripped him bare. He ought to flip out. Even his fear intoxicated him. He was too hungry, too squirmy, his whole frame molten as the slick pouring down his thighs.

Then he was gasping towards the pale winter skies.

Eddie lifted Steve easily—with hands that now felt human, though definitely larger than usual—and onto the head of an uber-ginormous cock. Steve keened like he was dying… tho’ dying happy. He’d know the feel of his Alpha’s cockhead splitting him anywhere, and there was definitely extra girth today. Eddie’s erection was hot, pulsing, as wet as Steve, with either pre-come or… sap? 

Lalalalala. Don’t wanna think about that.

Supported in Eddie’s huge arms, he jerked his hips slightly, bit his lip. His slender Omega body stretched and burned, struggling to adjust.

Fuck, he’d never felt so full. To his relief, there were also no splinters. Gazing into his magical Alpha’s eyes, he felt connected, safe and loved. He was also now bound to Eddie’s trunk-body with a ton of freaky vines. He’d roll with it.

“Okay?”

“Yes,” squeaked Steve.

Eddie began to move, quaking and expanding and thrusting ever deeper. Steve writhed within the limits of his bonds, yelping and screaming till his face flopped forward against his Alpha’s human chest—quivering through his umpteenth orgasm, stuffed beyond his wildest dreams with Eddie’s ever-swelling knot.

…

“Um, yeah,” said Eddie, when Steve awoke, back in the cabin. “You get why yesterday was a bad day for tree-chopping?”

“Mmmmm,” sighed Steve into Eddie’s shoulder, revelling in his soreness and a gaping, yearning ache inside that’d need filling again soon. “You could’ve, like, said?”

“Thought you’d freak!"

“Just another form of shapeshifting.”

“Okay, but then you’d wanna 'come with,' get in trouble, and I’d have to rescue you—”

“—then I’d get mega-horny and we’d bang while you were a tree? Pffff! Fate, Eddie.”

Eddie grimaced guiltily. Yeah, Steve loved him—nothing hotter than a doe-eyed squirmy Alpha.

“Still wanna decorate a tree for the solstice?" said Eddie sheepishly. "I can ask one nicely and pot it for you.”

“Nah,” yawned Steve. His ass was too sore for walking, anyhow. “Gonna stay in bed with the one I already got.”

🎄🎄🎄🎄

I am so sorry, honestly, I am beyond weird and not in a cool way, I know it. I need help!

zero pressure tag: @wheneverfeasible 💚 My stranger things fic on AO3

[instarsandcrime]

A Divine Comedy of Errors

Hey @zensations35, guess who? Your Ra//dio//App//le request is all done! We've got Sick!Seraphim!Lu/ci/fer and Worried!A/la/stor. I did my best to balance the silly, the hurt, the comfort, the snz, and the feels! And I chose the macro and monsterfucker parts because it is my personal responsibility to experiment with my writing and, in the process, make myself suffer at all times. 👍

This is a sequel to my previous fic Overworked and Under-Managed, but honestly it can also be a standalone thing too! Though I did sprinkle in a few romantic gestures this time for good luck! And like before, I'm working off another Sick//tember//2024 prompt. This time it's "taking a sick day".

Quick cw! There's also a little bit of mess and, although it's not much, I still wanted to give a heads up just in case!

Alright, that's all from me. Enjoy!

---

“This is stupid.”

“Now now, there’s no need to be so touchy, Your Majesty.” Alastor cautioned, peering over a shoulder at his pathetic patient. Pouting, fluffy nightrobe wrapped snugly around his shivering frame. One arm bunching up the warm collar around his neck, a tissue box tucked under another.

“Hey! You dragged me out of bed at three in the morning without explaining anything and now I’m- ugh!” Disgust twisted the demon king’s face as he kicked swamp sludge from a poor, unsuspecting duck slipper, “—wading through whatever this shit is in the middle of a bayou! I can be as– uff! touchy as I want to be!”

“Hah! If you actually chose to sleep rather than push yourself to the breaking point, maybe then you wouldn't be here spouting your grand excuses.”

”Well maybe it's because I suck at bed rest, okay?! Sure I've got the bed part down. That's simple! Easy! One quick hop and you're done! But the rest part? Nope. Nuh-uh. The second I close my eyes I feel a tickle. And when I feel a tickle I just know I'll cause some kind of chaos around the hotel. So it's my responsibility to keep myself under control in case I– ...in ca-case I...hih!" A pause. His nose twitched, breaths turning shallow. He couldn't help but groan in frustration as he ripped a cluster of tissues from his box to stifle painfully for the billionth time.

"Ht’chnx! Hn’chxt! H-hehhh–” Sneeze. In case he sneezed. Saints above was he sick of doing that. “Heh’TCHNX’hewww…ow."

“And what well-timed proof of your incompetence. I should be grateful, really.” Alastor grumbled, dusting the newly created pink glitter from his suit. 

“Oh shut…up…hhh–!” Before Lucifer could even lift a finger to suppress another possible fit, the other slid to his back. Squeaking in alarm when his arms were restrained by the crook of an elbow, spraying a fine mist straight into a gloved palm.

“Het’CHMPH! Guhhh…” Lucifer glared up at the looming demon, “Hey, what’s the big idea?!”

Alastor released his hold with a grimace, quickly disposing the near-soaked fabric into his shadow– followed by a spoonful of hand sanitizer. “Admittedly not very big, but certainly necessary.” 

“What do you mean by–”

“Ah, here we are.”

The Radio Demon surged forward, hooking a large fan of willow leaves with his cane to reveal a sudden clearing. Moss spread thickly across the plush, overgrown field, ripples peacefully lapping at the water’s edge. Fireflies hovered just above, hemming the murky surface with a soft, warm light. It was a breathtaking sight, and it made Lucifer pale entirely. Because now he knew what was happening.

And he hated it.

“Look, Alastor, I’m not going to lie. You're the worst. Your breath stinks like a rotting carcass. Every time you open your mouth all I hear is claws on a chalkboard. And Father forbid you get a few centuries of beauty sleep because wow you need a serious makeover.”

“Is there a point to all this, or are you asking me to push you into the swamp water? At this rate I’m inclined to choose the latter.”

“The point is! The point. Is. I can't ruin something like this. This bayou is precious to you. Louisiana is precious to you.”

“Oh, please. Have you forgotten who I am? I made this place, I could easily undo whatever meager scratches you cause.“

“But that’s—”

"Regardless, your creative powers leak through whether you like it or not. You might as well release it in a space that won't harm the hotel."

“I don’t– hehhh!”

“And no, you will not get stuck in your condition by 'letting yourself go.'” Alastor stressed, pinching the space between his eyes. “If I may speak freely Sire– this is ridiculous. You’re exhausted and ill beyond belief, and if you suppress one more magic-infested sneeze I will tie your hands to the ground myself. For God’s sake, the cure to your condition eluded me until you accidentally let the damn thing slip at dinner! So what, pray tell, is so beneath the King of Hell?"

”H-heh-aht’chhhh! I'm—ht’chnx!“

“Is the transformation painful?”

“N-nuhh– no– Aht’CHSHH!”

”Does it drive you mad beyond all belief?”

“No!” Lucifer wheezed out, “Focus! I’m trying to tell you thahhh…that…sonofahhhHATSCHH-‘TCH–’TSCHH’hhiew!”

But Alastor was not focused on his disjointed, half-assed reasoning. Nor the painful failures to bury his fit through the whistle of little fireworks that followed. No, Alastor was focused on the sight that briefly flickered behind his patient. It was for only a second-- a blink and anyone would miss it-- but it was there. There, and massive. And judging by the way Lucifer suddenly froze, he'd known the same. His stare fell to his feet, pulling back his collar to reveal a fracture in his porcelain skin. Holy light pierced through the growing cracks, and Alastor found himself squinting curiously at the sight– as if the true puppeteer of such a tiny doll didn’t satisfy the hunger enough.

“Ugh, forget it! You wihh…win…‘Etchhh!”

“Good.”

“Grea– snff!-- great!”

“A pleasure doing business with you.”

A pause.

“Well?”

“I, uh. I can't do it if you're watching.”

“Oh for God’s sake.”

“Look, do you want me to take this shit off or not?!” Lucifer spat, flames spouting from his lips.

"Phrasing, Your Majesty." Alastor sighed, begrudgingly turning his back. “Better?”

乃𝒆ţt𝐄𝓇.

The sinner nearly jumped in place. It was certainly a voice that rang out— or something along those lines. More of a chorus of pitches and concepts of tone. And yet they harmonized as one.

Ť𝑒𝔰丅ιℕ𝔾, Ｔεsting!  Well. At least the idiot’s mind remains intact. It would cause quite a scene if he had to drag the drama king kicking and screaming from another plane of existence. Whew! Okay, you can look now. But take it slow because hoo boy it is a  l o t. 

The Radio Demon decided to go as slowly as he pleased– with all the caution of a bull in a china shop. And all too quickly he chastised himself, holding a hand to his temple. Maybe, just maybe, the seraphim’s warning was not unfounded.

Though the pocket of home was designed to be near endless, his mind couldn't conceive the number of wings that crossed the metaphysical. They were still somehow boxed into such a wide universe, glancing around with eyes that decorated each feather like adorned jewels. Or so the sinner presumed before the memory continued to fade for another. In fact, the only tangible features he could possibly grasp at the moment were flowing robes and two small wings that wrapped around a near-featureless head like a blindfold. 

And yet the being could see perfectly, thin lips pulled into a frown, staring with-- ah. Alastor was just adjusting, but he could certainly recognize the overwhelming anxiety. The least surprising part that he did expect, of course, was his size. He didn't just crane over Alastor. He towered over him-- a far cry from the false shell he wore. Somehow, Alastor stuffed down a pang of petty anger that threatened to overtake him.

He'll lecture the idiot on giving him a proper fight later. 

Alastor? Are you alright? The ground trembled ever-so-slightly as the Saint slowly, carefully lowered himself. 

"I'm offended that you’d even ask." The caretaker took a small step back before hopping up on a folded knee, giving it a sympathetic pat-- earning an embarrassed flush that overtook fever.

Oh, thank goodness. I almost-- I... The wings around them flared, puffing at each desperate buildup. Quickly Lucifer drew a wavering finger in a circle to create a portal, grabbing a familiar crimson fabric before pitching into it. "ATSHHHHEWW! AHDT’SCHHHHEEWW! HATSCHHHHHIIEEEWW!"

Each shiver of ivory skin sent shockwaves through the flora below– and from above sent Alastor hurtling towards the reeds.

Shit, I-I can’t see you! Did you fall? Are you okay? Lucifer squeaked, infinite irises darting.

"Okay is certainly an overstatement, Sire. You nearly ruined my coat!" An offended huff brushed the seraphim’s ever-shaping ear and, once again, The Radio Demon was meticulously scanned. Paying no mind to the sudden attention in the shadowy nook of his patient’s shoulder, playing with a tuft of shimmering plumage.

Sorry! Don't know m'own strength. Lucifer’s large body hunched in on itself in shame, quickly pressing the makeshift tissue to the space where his nose should be– now golden-tipped with irritation– desperate not to sniffle too strongly.

"Is that my blanket." Alastor's smile sharpened.

I panicked okay?!

All too suddenly the complaints stopped. Time for the saint came to a standstill, and Alastor was barely able to wonder if that was a very literal metaphor before the cotton-knit carpet beneath him hiked up again. He quickly pinned himself to Lucifer’s neck, bracing for–

“ETCHH’CHHHHHF!” He doubled over again. S-sorry, sorry! I can’t help it! I’m trying to hold back but I cahh– can’t–huh-hgf! “ATSHH’HHHHHF! HUH’ATTKSHHHEWWWW!” Rrrgh, forget it! You should go be-before– hhhHHH!

Panicking, a multitude of palms weaved into being. Desperate to stifle again, quick to suffocate–

“Oh, please.” 

Black tentacles wrapped around countless wrists and yanked, pinning them and the seraphim to the ground. He cracked open a watery eye, strikingly bright with anger as he watched Alastor hop up on his cheek. When I break– “Snff!” –break free I swear I’ll–!

“Do what, might I ask? You’ve threatened my life a million times, what’s one more?” The Radio Demon teased, focusing on keeping his patient's poor, abused nose in his reality. He pointed his cane, lightly scratching along the rims of the nostrils as he spoke. “Poor, poor Lucifer Morningstar. Despite your constant objections, you’ve served Hell for so long. Haven’t you ever wondered what it’s like to bow to someone else’s power? Especially to such a lowly sinner like me?”

Ahhh— Alasto–or!

“So tell me, oh great and benevolent fallen saint, why should I stop now? It seems quite like a fair trade to me! I get to boss around one of the most powerful beings in existence, creator of light and the illumination of free will. And you, my dear, get to take a sick day.” And with that, he poked the very end of the tip. “Effective immediately.”

“GEHH’AHTSHHHH’HUUE! ATSHHHH! HAT’KSHHHHUUE! H-HAH-AHHH–! ETCH’TCHHHH’FFF!” The bayou rocked with thrashing waves and unearthed roots. For a moment the sky flashed to dawn, then dusk, before resuming its starry night. Wind whipped through Alastor’s hair followed by a gust of debris and dirt. A few raspy, heavy breaths and the chaos slowed to a stop. He peeked open one eye, then another. Finding himself safe in the eye of the storm, cradled in a soft flurry of wings pressed to the seraphim’s chest. 

Mnnn…bless m’be. Lucifer bit back a heavy sigh before he could cause anymore damage, shaking aside his chains before scooping Alastor up. Small scarlet eyes met large, weepy ones– blindfolds making way for a sea of silver and gold. And yet Alastor swore he could see constellations underneath their elegant surface.

“Well, that wasn’t so hard now was it?”

Thadd was cruel. The other whined. He flicked a wrist between congested sniffles, lacing a cotton cloth into existence. Obdnogxiously true. But still. Fugk you.

“Have you ever known me to be kind?” The sinner tilted his head curiously, ignoring a noseblow that bent the few trunks that remained, branches laying bare at their feet. “Honestly, it’s like you’re afraid of hurting–”

Every fibre in Lucifer’s existence tensed. In that moment, The Radio Demon was suddenly very aware of what the problem was from the beginning. And it was hilarious.

“Y-you! You–” He wheezed between a laughing fit, leaning on the base of a pointer for support, “You? You’re scared I’ll get hurt by you?! Hah! I’ve always taken you for a king, but a jester? Bravo, Sire! I haven't seen such a marvelous performance since the Iroquois Theatre Fire of 1903!” 

A gleam of moonlight brushed his vision. His giggling died down to find a crystal clear orb floating in the air. Another dancing around them. And another. All mingling with the night sky to reflect an aurora of colors. The eyes that had once remained hidden came into view, leaking droplets that never quite touched the earth.

And oh, Alastor realized. He’s crying. His ears wilted against his will, and adjusted himself accordingly to remedy the error. “I must admit, I never suspected an ancient being such as yourself was capable of fear.”

Of course I’m afraid! Lucifer curled into a tight ball, clouds slicing into ribbons as he brought all wings in on himself. Leaving Alastor stunned and alone, perched outside on a slightly shaky arm. Do you know how hard it was to show you this disgusting side of myself?

“Lucifer.” Alastor scolded back at the self-loathing a little too kindly for his liking.

Oh, don’t you Lucifer me! Sinners don't exactly like being reminded of Heaven. Especially the design of God's right hand. I must be a nightmare to you!

“And?”

A wing cracked open, thousands of surprised gazes peering back. Pardon?

“How does that apply to us?” Alastor arched an eyebrow. The fallen angel blinked, pearly tears unsticking from his crystalline lashes. A flustered heat rose to the wavering spots on his cheeks.

Alastor, I am literally Hell’s version of an atomic bomb.

“Mhm.”

I could kill you if I looked too hard. You could turn to ashes.

“Sounds exciting.”

Alastor!

“What was it you said just a second ago? ‘Don’t you Alastor me’? Honestly! I find it insulting that you would even question my strength, nor allow me the benefit of the doubt. Everything I’ve done up to this point, and further still, is by my design. If you ever hurt me, rest assured that I already knew the risks a thousand times over. Besides, recovering alone is incredibly unproductive. Take it from…my own personal experience.” Sharp claws tapped against the middle of his cane, “And besides, what would dear Charlie say if she saw you in such a state? Alone and helpless, losing control of his body? Poor thing would be worried out of her mind.”

…And you? Lucifer asked hopefully, the barrier between them cracking open a little more. Just a little more.

Alastor rocked on the back of his heels, bracing himself. “I suppose so.”

Finally the curtain parted, and Lucifer raised his hand to greet the other, leaning close with a soft, ethereal smile. Thank you I really–...r-really…

The telltale sign of a twitching nose. A hand rose to his face like clockwork. His caretaker opened his mouth to protest. But before he could, it moved instead to cup Alastor in a tight-knit shelter.

“HEH’ISHHHHUHHH! ISHHH’HUUUE! HH-HGHH-HUT’TTCHUUUE! ”

His wings snapped open at the force of every outburst, tree roots ripped from their homes and marigolds snapped at the stems. A billowing fog that spilled out turned from fire to dust and back, reshaping itself again and again until it settled on a light rain, creating puddles on the ground. And when twilight finally crept back into Alastor’s vision, Lucifer was sniffling thickly– unrestrained. Relaxed. Devoid of any concern or self-pity.

Briefly, Alastor wondered if this is how it felt to fly.

I cadd’t use your bladket, right? Do– “Snrfff!” Ugh, do we have more? He smiled sheepishly, holding up the sad pile of ash that once resembled a tissue.

“Pauvre ti bête! That sounded awful. I’ll see what I can do for your fever and nose.” Alastor hummed, signaling a small lift to press a kiss to his cheek. “And thank you for trusting me.”

[cipheramnesia]

I think it's funny how you got these general schools of scifi artists depicting their ideas of alien or imaginary sapient life. Like bottom tier are the "write what you know" artists. We know what humans are like and factors contributing to our present day adaptations, all their aliens are humanoid with a lot of effort put into explaining why the eyes are slightly bigger or how come they have only three fingers and scientists get super excited about the "realism" while everyone else knows these are bullshit and absolutely these aliens do not fuck.

Next tier up is the silly zone, aka probably the actual realistic zone. These are the artists who start out wondering what a really fucked up looking guy would be made out of and generally use some amount of familiarity with the natural world to come up with weird skin and skeletons and shit so you get like trilateral symmetry aliens or guys who have eyes on their snake arms and brains in their body cavity or whatever. It's great but also really takes the monster fucker winds out of the sails because a bunch of these ones you know for a fact like you couldn't fuck. Probably a bunch you could have sexy good times so it's still cool, but you can't plunge right into icky sticky fantasy, you gotta spend a lot of preliminary time on logistics.

I this group there's also a division, some artists will still insist everything has to rigidly adhere to something we know from life on earth and others are down to clown for the most abstract ideas. In the former group is the artist whose name I forget but he was really bitchy about Giger's alien having jaws that opened the same direction, because "in natute" secondary jaws always open the opposite direction. Then I learned about pharyngeal jaws in eels and was like in your face buddy. The latter is Wayne Barlowe who is all about the challenge of depicting fucked up under described creatures.

Top tier of course are artists who depict alien life in the coolest way they can first and think of reasons why second. This is what is top tier monsterfucking looks like.

[answertocarnality]

INTRO TO CARNALITY

navigation & masterlist

keeping it simple, i'm miguel. indigenous ecuadorian, he/him, pre-t transman & queer without a label except for the preference i have for women.

18 years old, year of '05; of course i'm an R&B guy (and bossa nova, and soul, and rap, an

began lifting in late 2023 and kickboxing + muay thai in early 2024 and honestly never looked back. would i compete one day is the question (also boxers this is not a safe space for yall 😒 /t)

studies, in order of highest interest to least include: linguistics, philosophy, political sciences, theology and herpetology respectively (nobody ask me about kinesics or hippology. IMMEDIATE lifetime dungeon sentence)

DNI: minors, people with shit beliefs and asshole personalities. guessing you'd know where you stand, but in case you don't i just block

trilingual (eng/español/na’vi), but if you catch me replacing words for russian, finnish, portuguese, kichwa, or italian, that's that in-progress hyperpolyglot dawg in me. and whether the avatar conlang does or does not count is not up for debate it is as complex as any language

on that note, i borrow a lot of vocabulary from arabic/ use Islamic sayings; please note that i am not Muslim. much respect for the community though, always

on that note 2x, i am a theistic satanist. hopefully my username gives that away lol it is a direct reference

on the spectrum, so you'll frequently catch me being dense to sarcasm, just here to apologize in advance (tone tags appreciated but not necessary)

very disconnected from social media; as in, i have not even youtube (idk i deleted it a while ago and just use the site sometimes) and don't consume a bunch of what would be "common" media. however you can reach me on https://guns.lol/xeinth this right here (my discord)

soft, hard, service, i don't really care, whatever dom pleases the tboy. cis women + tgirls, please treat me like a nasty fucking mutt. faggots in general i promise you the geldings make good steeds (iykyk). as for cis men, yall chill asl but please don't speak to me sexually 👍🏽 (unless i reblog your stuff with debauchery in the tags, that is full permission)

as for my DM's, i highly welcome linguistic talk and political discourse alike (i like debate). oh and exchange of nudes cuz :3 (t4t only)

kinks + limits under the cut

yes: forcemasc, predator/prey, petplay, autoandrophilia, somnophilia, forced masculinization, dacryphilia, impact play, BDSM in general, teratophilia/ monsterfucking, fantasy, humiliation + degradation, free use, sexuality conversion (only in sexual practice), mirrors, knifeplay, worship, gunplay, age gaps, musk/ scenting, dumbification, innocence corruption, agonophilia, femdom, intox, three+ somes, boy hypno, muscle expansion. lastly there's feminization, but not on me — i enjoy performing it on others but when it comes to recieving, hard no.

soft limits: rapeplay/ cnc, watersports, mecha/ robotfucker, blasphemy, deification, knight/ royalty, extreme gore, exhibitionism

hard limits: detrans, vore, scat, fauxcest, DDLG/ ageplay, feederism, pregnancy, sissification, ageplay, breeding (i understand that it's very common but i fucking hate it. gag)

not exactly a kink, but i prefer dominating men + subbing for women, and i mean highly prefer. not saying that i don't allow any sort of dynamics outside of that, but i find it awkward letting men dominate me.

date of last orgasm: december 6th, 3something am

[welcometoteyvat]

waterborne poetry reactions (belated) (long post)

XINGQIU GOT FUCKING SMASHED IN THIS EVENT. BULLYING XINGQIU HOURS I LOVE TO SEE IT (affectionate)

bro got roasted for his handwriting, is Baffled by the mondstadters, then spends an entire day missing out on [whatever that was] and STILL DOESNT HAVE A CLUE WHAT HAPPENED HAHAHA im sorry i love bullying him

please never tell xingqiu whats going on it's payback <3

CHONGYUN DIONA AND MIKA. i need to hold them omg,,,, i was using freminet to wander around so in my heart they r just 4 cryo kids in a terrarium what will they do!! that combo was quite cute

CHONGYUN YANG MODE?!?!?!?!?! ON SCREEN??????? WAAAAHHHHHHHHH

he was adorable ;;;;;___;;;;; his little eye sparkles and the jumping T_T also the near-rap speed that his lines were delivered in was hilarious (thank you kinsen for ur service)

my son.... please never feed him chilis again

CHONGYUN IMPACT. that's all

now full of unfounded hope that chongyun will someday get an event about his pure yang spirit since they mentioned it a fair few times here

give him the deep lore he deserves

also XIAOYUN?!?!?!?! (only seeing what i want to see) THEY TALKED!!!! IN PERSON ON SCREEN THEY TALKED AND XIAO WASNT DISPARAGING!!!! im sorry this is what a rarepair with no food does to a mf

xiaolumi so strong (or xiaother if u prefer)

oughguhguhg the rhyming couplets part was SOOOO CUTE!! idk they did good with the pacing of the banter i think 🥺

adding onto that the camera angles and cuts this event were actually really nice and creative i think. they made it more engaging (the quick pan from chongyun to xingqiu at the end of the 3rd act, hu tao popping out from behind venti's shoulders during the couplet exchange, etc) it was REALLY good really funny. added to the experience a lot <3

Also venti zhongli are truly the most archon old friends ever

that cutscene was actually so pretty. It's drawn in the same style as Lyney's: very textured lines, slightly reminscent of linocuts, quite a few handdrawn parts, especially where there's water/liquid movement present, etc. Maybe this is a Fontaine style animated cutscene, since the oceanids and lyney are both from there? anyways. i'm intrigued—I wanna see if there are regional cutscene styles or something (that'd be very impressive)

the "close ur eyes paimon/diona" line was so fucking funny. traveler's been the third wheel a bunch of times but never this explicitly

also ! for people icked out by the morality of kid finch's crush on the oceanid: it is Fiction with a capital F

on the one hand I agree with the above sentiment, but it's also just funny to think about. first canon monsterfucker ? /JJJJJJJJJJJJJ don't kill me for that joke

Real thoughts: I think it was actually really sweet how he fell in love with a fairytale. Someone said the oceanid could've been aromantic coded to make their love story more morally palatable; I agree, it would've been cool if she was aro, but I don't think their romantic relationship is like somehow terrible and gross either

overall ending was really mid tbh, I appreciate the character growth of everyone who was on screen but literally all the other characters just disappeared. It was really unsatisfying lol especially for an event that was supposed to be hte gathering/unison of mond and liyue

would've been better if the second day's rhyming couplets ended the event I think; you'd have to tweak it to fit the mood of the oceanid/finch reveal but literally anything works, the ending was so anticlimactic

overall event: 10/10 for giving me the character interactions I wanted, and those that I never knew I needed, 5/10 because the minigames are. not the best, I get the intentions but the execution could've been better. And then 5/10 for story arc (heavily influenced by how mid the ending was LMAO)

I want to go through all the poems and their english translations because I Know somethings gonna get screwed up and I'm also just curious as to how they translated it

[mychlapci]

Crankcase and cons4eva are both massive monsterfuckers and that’s just so funny to me

Like, if most people were messaging someone online and they didn’t even consider that they might be a different species, and going to meet them, finding out that they were an alien, they’d nope the fuck out

However, crankcase sees cons4eva in person for the first time, and sees what he TRULY looks like and he’s still like, smash

Cybertronians and whatever cons4evas species is are clearly completely different. Very fleshy things with a lot of eyes (I like to think they also have tentacles) is extremely different from big metal guys who’ve got guns built into their bodies and shit are two extremely different things. If you were attracted to either of these as a human, you’d of course be considered a monster/alien/robot fucker. Most species would tbh

And their first time interfacing/fucking would be such a learning opportunity for crankcase, since cons4eva already knew he was talking to cybertronians, he would’ve researched their anatomy and such, but crankcase would be going straight into uncharted territory

Fully convinced that he was talking to a member of his own species, he would be in no way prepared for whatever cons4eva is. Does he have just a spike of just a valve? Does he have both? Neither, maybe? Does he even reproduce sexually? Are their eggs involved? (And of course he wouldn’t know about his hypothetical tentacles)

Crankcase would probably be interested in cons4evas tentacles for the first night (if he has them), and they’d probably play a game or something, like seeing how many tentacles he can take

One that he’s trying his best to deepthroat, another one wrapped around his neck for the sole purpose of teasing him, one either jerking off his spike of slipping into his spike sheath, maybe taking 2 in his valve (they’d just fill him up so good), and another one constantly teasing his node

This cranky dude would be so overstimulated, writing and moan and whimpering around the tentacle in his mouth, being held in place by the one round his neck, and if he got too loud, he’d get a nice little smack on the node

And all throughout this, cons4eva would be telling him how good he’s going and how if he stays quiet for just a little while longer, he’ll let him have the best overload of his life

-Red (short for red alert anon because 1) that’s a pain in the ass to type out and 2) my fixation with him has died down a bit)

Crankcase won the lottery the way i see it. a hot alien wife with tentacles is exactly what he needs. i fucking love bringing back spike sheath fucking, like Cons4eva being a big freak who wants to rock Crankcase's world with all that he has, and what he has is a bunch of thick, fleshy tentacles ready to fuck him until his legs are thrashing. To say Crankcase was unprepared for their first time is an understatement... Cons4eva learnt cybertronian anatomy beforehand, but he still wanted to play... he slides a tentacle dick into Crankcase's spike sheath before the spike can pressurize, keeping it throbbing and poking uselessly against his tendril as he fills his cybertronian with as many tentacles as he possibly can without snapping the inner calipers, drilling into the clusters of nodes on the cable walls without any restraint... There's nothing like the mesh of a pretty, swollen valve clenching around his tentacles in overload, poor Crankcase unable to even move as he's held down by two pairs of strong limbs, his spike aching in its stuffed sheath, oozing transfluid...

[miscling]

🌻

earlier there was a post, with a poll, and it was this one...

and this thing spun the wheel, and got

Deep Space 9

and honestly this thing would love to live on DS9. it has a question about when it's arriving, like is it showing up at the start of the show? it's watched DS9 through a couple of times now, so does that knowledge carry through? can it change the plot? can it just... hop on a transport back to earth and live out its life? is it stuck on the station?

though to be honest the first thing it'll probably have to do is get directions to security, report its arrival to Odo, answer a bunch of questions about how it got there to Sisko and Dax once 'um isekai poll?' doesn't fly with Odo... it'd probably use what it knows about Quark to get free drinks for life. it'd probably spend some time with Bashir figuring out what vitamin it's been living without (and see about updating its transitionary care to something more space age) and see what they do about autism and adhd in the future. it also feels like it could do some fun stuff with Garak introducing late 1990's/early 2000's fashion to the station (we wanna see klingons wandering around in baggy jeans and hoodies tbh, everything else is secondary to that).

once it's figured all that out though, it's definitely gonna become a holodeck writer (hey Quark, want pre-releases on this thing's sex programs? they're gonna be ridiculously horny) and since DS9 and voyager overlap in the timeline, there's a good chance that with what it knows about the mobile emitter it's definitely going to work its way towards programming a holo-sitter on a mobile emitter who can keep up with this thing's needs.

we're feeling especially subby? it becomes more dommy (definitely gonna program it with RACK protocols). we need someone to act as an intemediary for our anxiety and guide us through the federation? it's now a PA. we're diving into littlespace? holo-mommy. we want to pet a cat? it turns into a kitten. ngl, it also kinda thinks the mobile emitter would make for a great way to have carer support that lets someone have their autonomy and agency.

it's also really curious how the kink scene would play out there. there's holodecks! this thing is getting monsterfucked in like the first week. we're certain that Jadzia would be a regular at DS9's munch (at first it thought she'd be running it, but she is a senior officer with responsibilities and so on). it is very curious what kinks they've come up with in the future, especially now we have multiple species worth of kinks to explore. it wonders if its own kinks will survive the ages, or if it'll reintroduce some into the kinky ecosystem. it refuses to believe kink itself has not survived, however.

starfleet officers are *pent up*.

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

20 questions for writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

81 at the time of answering this. I'm constantly adding new ficlets though, and actively working on two unpublished wips that I'm very excited about. 

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

471,069

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Steddie. My hobby is just Steddie. 

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

🐉 Hic sunt dracones

🦇 Possession 

🔥 Whatever you want it to be 

(WTF, that only finished posting earlier this month, are you all insane???)

👨‍👩‍👧 Someone who cares

🧜‍♂️ Just add water

5. Do you respond to comments?

Always! (Well, except the outright rude ones, but I can count those on one hand.) You took time out of your day to tell me what you thought of my fic, and that is so incredibly motivating and means so much to me! 🥰

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I yet have to write an actual long fic with an unhappy ending, but i once made Steve come back wrong and killed everyone but Eddie and him for a ficlet, does that count? 😅

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of my long fics have happy endings, but Hic sunt dracones probably has the happiest to me. They're mated and disgustingly in love and it's flower crowns and apple pie and hot, hot monsterfucking forever after. 🐉🔥❤️

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've been called racist and ableist and British, among other things, but 99.9% of all reactions I get are lovely! 💖

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I've … been known to write smut, yeah. 🤣 

I love exploring all sorts of different vibes and dynamics, but I think porn with feelings is what I do best.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nope, just wild AUs. 🐉🧜🏻😈

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. 

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I co-wrote an original work with a school friend some 20 years ago. And by co-wrote I mean we took turns with the document and key-smashed what we thought should happen next where the other had left off. 🤣

The King’s Gift will be a very close collaboration between @house-of-the-moving-image and I bc we've developed the idea and the entirety of the plot together and are bringing it alive through our respective mediums. It's heaps of fun! ✨️

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

(drumroll) (expectant silence)

It's Steddie, people. Not only because they've quite literally eroded my brain, but also because of the wonderful people I've found and the beautiful experiences I've made and continue to make in this fandom. I've never been active in any fandom before, but I'm so, so glad I've taken the leap. 

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I try to finish all my WIPs and am very much committed to finishing the two I have ongoing rn. 

That being said, there's a bunch of microfics and drabbles I'd love to expand on if I ever find the time (lake monster and ballerina Steve, I see you). 😅

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've repeatedly been told that I create very vivid images with my writing, and that's something I find really lovely. And I love world building. ✨️🥰

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Wordy bitch disease. I ramble, I spiral, I spin completely out of control. The amount of fics that ended up being much longer than I initially thought is embarrassing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I’ve never actually done that. I’d definitely enlist the help of someone who is proficient enough in the language in question to ensure I don’t make an utter ass of myself. 😅

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The wizard who must not be named. I must’ve been fourteen or something? It was probably so bad, and sometimes I think I'd like to re-read it again, but it’s now lost on some hard drive in a junkyard somewhere, hopefully never to be seen again. 🪦

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I love all of my fics, each for its own reasons, but Hic sunt dracones will forever hold a special place in my heart. It is everything I ever dreamed of when I fantasized about writing and publishing my own fics but was too shy to do so. I’ve met and befriended amazing people over it. It has fanart. Even close to one year after I finished it, people are still telling me how much they loved it, and it feels so wonderful to know my writing resonated so much with somebody out there. I can never talk about it without getting all up in my feels. 🐉🥲💕

Some zero-pressure tags: @eyesofshinigami @vecnuthy @sidekick-hero @penny00dreadful 💕

[the-font-bandit]

I've always been a bit tetchy and nervous about the whole monster thing... But between the amount of Emmrich posting I've been doing (and the lich stuff when I find it)... plus stuff that's *mumble mumble hush hush but sapphic monsterfuckers keep an eye out* 👀...

I kinda feel like cat's out of the bag lol

Also it's Tumblr whatever. You're all a bunch of weirdos like me and I love you for it.

[nazmazh]

I mean, have you seen Gieger's alien designs that were used to develop the movie/series?

There was always, very intentionally, not just an element of humanity to the Xenomorphs (that much is meant to be in-story, that they take on traits from whatever their host species was), but also, very intentionally, an sexual element to their design.

For one thing, that's just how Gieger rolls.

For another, it's meant to build a further element of discomfort into the overall movie/movies.

Like, there you have a creature that's got some features that are appealing to humans in a sexual way, but they're not a "sexy monster girl" seductress. No hot vampire ladies here. No conventionally-attractive actress painted red and given fake fangs and horns to be a succubus. No green-skinned-space-babes looking to abduct and "probe" you.

Just a genuine, truly bestial monster that happens to have a carapace that makes their torso and abdomen resemble that of a pleasantly-curved human woman.

It's an interesting element to add to a creature design - The monster has some features that are objectively "attractive" from a normal human sexuality perspective, but the monster is still very much a monster and not there with a major intention that they will be sexually objectified by the story or by any framing of shots. Something that's not focused on, but you might, even subconsciously, pick up on.

What DbD gives you the option of, compared to movies/comics/other types of media is to control the camera somewhat and get a look from a very favourable angle in terms of really showing off the ass.

Now, that's still pretty limited - The Killer equipping-screen only lets you spin them around the one axis, and there's no zoom or anything. Then in actual-gameplay mode, Killers all* only have a locked first-person perspective (except during uncommon scenes where they kill directly - Moris, for those familiar with the gameplay lingo). *(Yes, Chucky will have a third-person camera, but still locked at a fixed angle).

Survivors, meanwhile could get up close and spin their cameras around to check out the butt, but unless you're playing a custom game with friends, that's a terrible idea.

And yet, this amount of control over the angles and framing is far more than typical official media of the Xeno Queen. So, yes, in terms of official/officially-licensed works, this is quite a bit more of a direct look at the Xenomorph's body, especially from angles that really focus on the ass, which is why there's a bunch of people are probably noticing it now.

(Monsterfucker-types out there meanwhile are more than happy to frame Xenomorphs from any angle in their created works, including/especially angles that show off the curves that have always been there. Though, as with all fan art, especially expressly sexual fan art, there is the strong probably of exaggeration of those traits).

hey why did the dead by daylight devs give the xenomorph queen so much ass

[torreyadorable]

I've gotten a few DMs lately so here is a little about me!

single cis bi woman, not looking for anything serious, always up for fun

totally down to get anons/tumblr chat with people about whatever from my blog has gotten your attention but would rather keep it on here (I haven't had an instant messenger app since AIM)

I work in retail with variable hours so I'm not online at regular times but you can always say hi and I'll message back when I can

yes this includes monsterfucking, but also Critical Role and LA By Night and stuff

your lewd pics are welcome, I have some of mine I'll share back via chat, just not alot because I'm still getting used to taking pics of myself

I will not be posting face because I grew up online when stranger danger was a huge thing so YES you can see my tits NO you can't see anything that would identify me in a crowd

I love and respect all the lovely people who do post face with their lewds/nudes but jfc please stay safe

Shows and stuff I like:

The Witcher (TV... I'm not so great with games)

Stranger Things

The X-Files

Critical Role

LA By Night

World of Darkness in general but mostly Vampire

Stephen King (yes I am from Maine shut up)

a bunch of kinky shit, basically my blog speaks for itself there

Attracted to:

Ashley Johnson

Women

Men

Ashley Johnson

Non-binary people

Ashley Johnson

like half of the Monster Manual

I don't have a dni because if you interact with me and annoy me I'll just block you.

Also I'm really bad at tagging but if you need anything tagged in this mess of fandom and filth let me know cause I don't want to hit anyone's triggers on accident.

[kushielsmercy]

EDIT: Prompts are now closed

200 followers?!?!

Look, I know that compared to a lot of the folks on here that is a tiny number of followers, BUT I am not a lot of folks, I am just one girl who decided to slink back to Tumblr last spring with a new account and zero intention of creating content. But here we are, and seriously, thank you all for keeping me semi-sane this last year. Especially my discord peeps who have gone from usernames to real friends, you know who you are and ily <3

ANYWAY I haven't done this before and am just going out on a limb that people will want to engage, but, prompts! I've gotten out of the habit of writing drabbles which is a shame because I love drabbles. So, my inbox is open for your ideas! I know it can be hard to come up with prompts without guidance so I threw together a list of fun quotes and tropes to mix and match as you want, but if there's something else you're picturing, a specific ship, kink, premise, whatever, just ask and I'll do my best! I'll ship just about any pairing, no matter how rare, if it's well-written and my list of no-go content is pretty small (MCD, hard non-con, ABO and monsterfucking are meh, mpreg, post-mountain [I know I know I just can't rinse and repeat anymore]. I'm sure there are others but that's what I've got off the top of my head). Worst case I'll politely decline if it's something I don't think I can do for whatever reason. In summary, I'm struggling with some of my "longer" (by my standards lol) fics so please give me things to write, and, seriously, thank you all again!!!

Quotes:

“Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”

“I’m haunted”

“What’s a little torture between friends?”

“Let’s overthrow the king together, shall we?”

"Don't say my name, you'll die."

“Truth be told, I’m not sure any of them are actually dead”

“Forever is a long time to have something like that tattooed on you.”

“There are people worth saving, just not you.”

“It’s a memory of someone I loved, before you made me like this. Criticise it again, I dare you.”

“I love stories. Tell me one.”

“All I want now is to look at life. You may come and look at it with me, if you care to.”

“Since your way probably involves explosives, I think it’s safer if we don’t.”

“This is the guy?”

“Well, it's nice to see that someone hasn't lost their optimism."

'Maybe try praying to the goddess of life.'

“Are all gods, this childish?!”

“Whilst I am very well aware that this was an incredibly poor decision, I also want you to be aware, that I very much, don’t care.”

“They’ll find us, you know they will…. they always do.”

“It’s uh….it’s a bit bigger than I was expecting.”

'Fine, I guess we'll just have to try them all, huh?'

I saved your life. I spilled my blood for you. In the gods' law, you're fucking mine.'

“What? Did you think I didn’t know?”

'Door's locked. Now settle down and sleep, or I'll give you a reason to complain.'

“No, I don’t want your shitty cake. I want your soul.”

Tropes and Premises:

Fatalistic Recklessness

Honeypot

I Didn’t Know What To Do So I Murdered The Person Who Made You Look Like You Wanted To Cry

Identity Porn

Arranged Marriage

Artisan/Specialist

Magical Tattoos

Deathbed Wedding And Unexpected Survival

Ritual Sex

Established Relationship

Amnesia

Possession

Meet Ugly

OT3

Whump

Hero-to-Villian

Curses

Contract Gone Wrong

Fluff

Hurt/Comfort

Soulmate AU

Unwanted Reward

Trope Inversion

They died and left me to repay a bunch of really weird IOUs

Shared enemy

Assassins

Necromancer