#they are all named in the alt text! i am going to eat but i’ll add links later

[crabbng]

and, of course, a webcomic fanart version 💕

[hswriting]

The Moment I Knew - Part 8

[Image Alt ID: a four picture collage with a dark gray background. The first picture is of a pond surrounded by trees. A white bench sits in front of the water. The second picture is of a white wall with a black sign that says “backstage”. The third picture is of Harry Styles playing a guitar. The fourth picture is of a girl writing in a journal. End Alt ID]

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Masterlist Series Part 7 Part 9

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3.8k words

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Millie and Harry work on making amends

I walk into the coffee shop which is fairly empty. I must have just missed the morning rush. I walk up to the counter and place my order. One coffee and a ham and cheese croissant. I doubt I’ll eat more than half, but it’s better than nothing.

It doesn’t take long to get my order called out. I pick a table in the corner by the bookshelves and reading area. I begin to eat my sandwich while watching the door. It doesn’t take a long time watching to spot Harry walking in. He is well dressed as always, but his face shows nothing but worry and anxiety. You can see the rings under his eyes from a lack of sleep.

He walks up to the counter and places his order. As he waits for it, he looks around the room until he spots me. He gives me a sad look. He tries to smile but it doesn’t really suit him. It’s not his real smile, and that breaks my heart.

His name is called and he quickly grabs his order and walks over to me. Just a coffee. He places it on the table and sits down.

“Morning Har.” I tell him before I take a sip.

“Morning Millie.” He says in return. “How are you?”

“I could be better. You?”

“I haven’t slept much the past few nights, which makes for long days.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just needed some space to think.”

“I know. Did you get to think about what you needed to?” He asks nervously.

“Yeah I did.”

“And?” He asks me.

“The past few days I have done nothing but miss you. I wanted to talk to you, I was just so angry and upset. I feel awful about what happened, but I feel like I’m justified to be angry about it. It was awful that you lied to me.”

“I know and I’m so sorry.” He says, resting his hand on the table. “If you want me to, I can sit and tell you about it so you know what exactly happened. Or if you never want to talk about it again that’s fine with me too. Just know I’m really sorry I lied Millie. I never wanted to hurt you. I was just afraid of you being upset if I told you. But it was worse that I didn’t tell you, and I see that now. I’m sorry.”

“I accept your apology. I do want to know what happened. I didn’t really give you a chance to talk the other night.”

“Where should I start?” He asks me.

“From when she came into your work probably.”

“Well,” he began. “She came in like I said. She wanted to adopt a cat. She did end up taking one home that night. But as she was signing the adoption papers, she said she really wanted to apologize to me about how things ended. I said I didn’t really want to hear anything about it, but she insisted. She wanted to explain her side of things, and I caved. I shouldn’t have went with her after my shift, but I did. We went to dinner and she did apologize. She said she felt horrible about it all. I accepted her apology. Then she got to talking about her life and her boyfriend and things. I told her about you. She said she was happy for me. We just talked about what’s been going on recently. I told her about your concussion, me getting into a bigger venue to perform, and a bunch of other stuff I have done. And then she paid the bill and we both went to our houses. Yes she has been texting me, but I didn’t answer her. I got my closure. I was hoping she got hers. I don’t have any interest in talking to her anymore. That’s why I just left her on read. I really didn’t think she was going to call me. So I’m sorry. I will say it forever if I have to Millie. I truly am so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, especially the way Kellen did.”

I take a moment before I respond to gather myself. Harry drinks his coffee as he waits for me to say something.

“You don’t have to say I’m sorry forever. I actually don’t want you to apologize again. I don’t want you to be afraid of telling me something. Would I have been happy? Probably not. But I would have known. I would have gotten over it. I’m hurt you didn’t trust me. I want to be trusted. I want to be told the truth. What did I do for you not to trust me anymore?”

“Nothing. I just knew how you felt about her because of what she’s done. She cheated on me. She had me burn my journal. She made me feel awful. I just felt like if you knew I was talking to her, you would be upset with me.”

“I really don’t like her Har. I need to be able to trust you. And if she’s the reason you chose to lie to me I don’t want you around her anymore. I’m not trying to control you or who you talk to, but if you really want this to work, if you want this relationship to have trust, she needs to go.”

“She’s gone Millie. I’m not entertaining her wants any longer.”

“Okay.” I say.

“Okay?”

“Let’s try this again.” I tell him. “I love you Har.”

“I love you too. So much.” He tells me. He gets up and I follow. We hug right there in the coffee shop. Harry is the last to let go. I throw away my empty coffee and the last of my sandwich I didn’t eat. We walk out to the parking lot. He is parked beside of me.

“What are your plans for the day?” He asks me.

“I don’t really have any. All I did the past few days is work. I’d like to relax.

“Can I show you something? I have a bit of a secret spot I’d like to show you.”

“Okay. Let me take my car home and we can go.”

“Okay.” He says. He gives me a small kiss on my cheek and gets into his car. I park my car and climb into his.

It’s not a long drive, but it’s a good distance away from my house. The radio has been playing lightly and not much has been said. There’s this awkward silence we never had before. There’s a bit of space now. A distance.

The car begins to slow as we enter an old parking lot. No buildings or anything that the lot would belong to. Harry gets out and opens my door and lets me out.

“You alright with a bit of a walk?” He asks and I nod. He takes my hand and we begin down a dirt trail into the woods.

After a short hike I see Harry’s spot. It’s a small pond with some benches around it, probably for fishing. It’s so beautiful here. The way the sunlight breaks through the trees and reflects in the water is beautiful.

“What is this place Har?” I ask him in awe.

“I used to come here a lot back in high school when things were rough. Since leaving high school I’ve been here a few times, but not as often. Ive been here the past few days. Just me and my journal. This is my space. My home away from home. This is where I wrote my first song. This is where I come to think. To calm myself.” He says to me and my heart feels a slight squeeze.

“This place is beautiful Har.” Is all I am able to say.

“It is. I wanted to be fully open with you. I want you to know about this place. It’s been my comfort for so long. I want you to be apart of it now.” He tells me so honestly. I stand and look around. I look at the water, small ripples from the fish swimming so close to the surface. “What do you think?” He asks. I bring my attention back to him.

“Of course. This is where you wrote your first song?” I ask, recalling his statement earlier. “I wrote a song a few days ago. I think you should read it over. Record it.”

“Yeah I’d love to. I also wanted to show you something else. Do you want to sit down?” He asks and I nod. We sit on a bench by the water. I opens his bag and pulls out the journal I bought for him.

“I want you to read this. As much or as little as you want to. It’s mostly about you. It’s got my songs in it too. You kind of know.”

“Harry I don’t have to read this. This is personal. I don’t want you to feel like you have to let me read it.”

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine. But I love you so much Millie. I want you to read it. I want you to know me, fully. I want you to know every detail. I trust you so fully that I want you to read it.”

“Harry this is yours. I don’t want you to give it to me because of what happened. We are -“

“This isn’t about what you said about me being able to trust you. I wanted to show you before, but then everything happened, and I was so scared I was going to lose you. I was scared you would never get to know all the things I haven’t said. I want you to know them. I want you to see the songs about you that I haven’t recorded yet. I want you to know how much I fucking love you Millie. I love you so much. I don’t want to know what my life would look like without you.” He says and tears prick my eyes.

I gently take the journal from his hands and open the cover. It has his name scribbled on the inside. I flip the page to see the first entry.

This is the best gift I have ever received. In part to the fact that I love to write, but also because the most amazing girl in the world has gifted it to me. This is probably going to be mostly about her, but hopefully one day I’ll get to call her mine, and she will read it and know how much she is loved. Here we go.

I flip to the next page and it has a song written on it. It’s called 18 . I read through. Tears fall down my cheeks as I flip through the pages to read it all. The journal is almost full. There are long passages about the time I agreed to date him, as well as some of the dates we have went on. One passage reads,

Today was a very scary day. Kellen was at her house when I pulled up. I ended up getting punched in the face, but that wasn’t the worst part. Millie was there and saw it all happen. She slipped on the ice and cracked her head open. Ended up needing stitches. She has a concussion. I hate to see her in pain, but I’m glad she trusts me enough to help her out. She vaguely remembers Kellen saying something about me liking her. I want her to know, but I’m so scared to tell her. It’s so soon after they broke up. I don’t want her to feel like I’m taking advantage of her and her situation, but at the same time it wouldn’t have been so bad if he told her because it’s been years that I’ve been trying to work up the courage. What am I talking about. I want her to hear it from me. I want to be able to use my own words to tell her. She asked me about my song that I posted. She asked who it was about. I didn’t tell her, but she has to know. There is no way she doesn’t. She also mentioned today she doesn’t have any family. I feel so bad for her because I love my mom and Gem. She says she will choose her own family. I hope one day I can be apart of that family. I know she’s been through so much. I’m surprised I didn’t know this a long time ago since we have been around each other forever, but I’m glad I get to know her. I love her. I want to know everything she is willing to tell me. I want to be part of her family.

Another passage reads,

… the fact that today went so well tells me all I need to know about her. Layla loves her. My mom adores how caring she is not only to me, but when Layla fell and hurt her knee, She didn’t hesitate to help her, hold her, and comfort her. Gem absolutely cannot get enough of her and has even text me to know when we can all have dinner again. She also text to tell me that Layla can’t stop talking about Queen Millie. She is absolutely the best thing in my life.

The next page has quotes written on it.

My heart is so full of you I can hardly call it my own.

Meeting you was like listening to a song for the first time and knowing it was going to be my favorite.

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you.

The rest of the page continues with similar quotes. There are a few passages about other things such as his family, but nearly every page is about me.

The last page that is written on has a song on it. It doesn’t have a title written at the top, but I read the words.

If I could fly, I’d be coming right back home to you. I think I might give up everything, just ask me to. Pay attention. I hope that you listen, cause I’ve let my guard down. Right now I’m completely defenseless. For your eyes only, I show you my heart. For when you’re lonely and forget who you are. I’m missing half of me when we’re apart. Now you know me, for your eyes only.

I don’t know how long I have sat here reading or what Harry has been doing since I began. I look up and him and his is facing the pond, jeans rolled up and feet in the water. He looks so peaceful. So calm. I can hear him humming a song, one I don’t recognize.

I am unsure of what to say to him after such a raw and emotional moment. I know how he really feels about me.

“Har?” I say. He stops humming and turns around. I wipe the tears from my face and stand up. I walk over to him as he stands up. I wrap my arms around him. “I love you. I know just saying that is no where near as eloquent and romantic as the stuff you wrote, but I really do love you.”

“I love you too Millie.” He says, squeezing me like he never wants to let go. I don’t want him to. We do eventually let go after what seems like forever. I give him back his journal and we start the hike to the car. Once we get in the car, his hand finds its resting place on my knee and we drive back. We go to my house so I can grab a few things and then go to his place.

When we get to his house we sit down in his living room. He brings out his guitar. He goes back to his room and grabs a keyboard and hooks it up.

“Do you have the song you wrote?”

“I do, but I don’t have sheet music or anything like that. I know how to play some guitar. I could give you bare bones and you work your magic. After all this song is for you. I don’t really have the dream to perform, but I love helping you write. That’s why I tried to do this one.” I tell him.

“Well, no matter what, you will always have credit for every song you write or help write.”

“Thank you.” I tell him. He hands me the guitar and I get a feel for it. I open my journal to the page. “I just want to let you know it’s a bit sad. I wrote it over the past few days. You don’t have to keep it like this. You can change it or if you don’t like it you don’t have to use it at all.” I ramble. I’m nervous. Harry has wanted to do a duet for a while now, but he has never heard me sing before. So this will be the first time he hears my voice before we record any songs together.

“I’m sure it’s great. I’m sure you’ll be amazing. Go ahead whenever you’re ready.” He tells me sweetly. I place my hands on the guitar.

We made a fire, went down in the flames. We sailed an ocean, and drowned in the wave. Built a cathedral, but we never prayed. We had it all, yeah, and we walked away. Point of no returning, now it’s just to late to turn around. I try to forgive you but I struggle 'cause I don't know how. We built it up so high and now I'm falling, it's a long way down. It's a long way down from here. We had a mountain, but took it for granted. We had a spaceship, but we couldn't land it. We found an island but we got stranded. We had it all, yeah. Who could've planned it? Point of no returning now it's just too late to turn around. I try to forgive you but I'm struggling 'cause I don't know how. We built it up so high and now I'm falling, It's a long way down from here. Such a long way down from here. It's a long way down. It's a long way down. Such a long way down. It's a long way down. It's a long way down.

Harry look at me with amazement. There is a moment of silence before he takes the guitar from me and sits beside me. I notice the bracelet I bought him a while back hang on his wrist.

“I think that was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. You have such an amazing voice. I have no doubt that you could be a professional. Are you one in disguise?” He says, the last sentence jokingly. I laugh.

“No obviously. It wasn’t that good.”

“I want you to sing this with me. I want you to record with me and be a part of this. I want my fans to know your voice. It’s beautiful Millie. Absolutely stunning.” He tells me confidently. “I am going to work up the guitar parts and maybe add a beat to it, but this is absolutely amazing Millie.”

Harry and I play it again, and again, and again. He changes some of the guitar to better fit the song. He does eventually add a beat to it. And then he does a take without any changes. He sings it solo and it’s like angels in my ears. He suits this song.

“Please let me split this up and have you record it with me.” He begs.

“Harry I- I don’t know that I want my voice out there. I will sing it with you, but I don’t want to perform. I’ll gladly write your songs, just don’t put my voice out there. At least not yet.” I tell him. He seems disappointed, but agrees.

“Can I record a version of us singing it together as long as I don’t publish it?”

“Yeah that’s okay.” I tell him. He divides the lines up into parts. He pulls out his phone and presses record. We sing it, alternating lines and doing the chorus together.

He stops the recording and just looks at me for a moment.

“What?” I ask him.

“I love this song, I’m just really sorry I made you feel this way.” He tells me with a sorrow filled voice. The excitement from before is lost.

“Harry-“

“I know you said not to apologize again. This will be my last time. But I really am sorry.”

“Don’t be Har. It’s okay.”

“I hurt you. I lied to you. I betrayed your trust. I have to work to earn that again. But thank you for giving me another chance Millie.” He says. I place a kiss on his cheek. “Would you be mad at me if I bought you something?”

“Harry Styles.” I say half jokingly. “You and your gifts.”

“It’s how I show my love. Other than writing songs I guess.” He tells me. He places the guitar down and walks to his bedroom. He comes out with an envelope. He hands it over to me. I open it and slide the paper out. I unfold it and a lanyard falls on my lap. I pick it up.

Backstage Staff Pass

I read the letter attached.

Millie,

A while back I said I would have you a front row pass to my show at the new venue, but I have been caught up in the paperwork and scheduling for the place. Since then, I have contacted them and not only will you be able to sit directly in front of the stage, but you are now considered my personal staff since you are my songwriter. You can access anywhere in the building you need to go, including my backstage room. I hope you enjoy coming to my shows as much as I enjoy writing songs for you. I love you.

“Thank you Harry.” I tell him and he gives me a sweet smile.

“I won’t boss you around even though you are on my staff now.” He jokes. I chuckle at him.

We continue to play music for the next few hours until dinner. He ends up recording a song after dinner and posting it. Despite everything that has happened this week, I’m glad we were able to work everything out. He looks so genuinely happy making music and getting ready for his performance tomorrow. But sometimes his eyes light up when he isn’t even doing those things. He will just be looking at me while I’m doing something like checking my phone or cooking dinner. I always ask him what his deal is. And he just says he loves looking at me. I always say I’m not even doing anything special. He says he loves looking at me anyways.

I think Harry and I will be okay.

- - -

Masterlist Series Part 7 Part 9

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-05-19

Figured an upd8 was coming, it’s felt like enough time has passed for one.

Huh, looking at my last post I’d completely forgotten I was supposed to play through Pesterquest sometime... work is busy and stressing me out a bit, I’m not sure when I’ll have the energy on the side to do that.  (Maybe I’ll livetweet it like I did Undertale a while ago, but this time not looking at my twitter replies so I don’t get spoiled by One Guy™?)

Also, including bonus commentary on A Threat Sensed.

Okay, going in completely blind.  I’d guessed from context that we’re hopping over to Meat side to get a chapter there before we can come back to actually see Yiffy?

Yep.  Okay, what is this about exactly?

(Agh, dammit, I’ve been copying and pasting so much at work remoting into Windows lately that now I’m automatically trying to hit control-C instead of command-C to copy.)

> CHAPTER 9. How Goes The Eulogizing, Dear?

CONTENT NOTE: This chapter contains Child Abuse.

Which one???

Wait

JANE: (Where is he?) JANE: (It's a question I've found myself asking many times in recent days.)

Holy SHIT we get two Candy chapters in a row???  So we might see her right away??  No, it’s gotta just be another tiny glimpse.

(Has two Candy chapters in a row happened before?  Future Boots, scroll back up and put this here. FUTURE BOOTS: “I forgot to scroll back up and put that here.” EDIT: Also, not the first time with two in a row, but it IS the first time with THREE in a row, huh.)

So Jane has to be talking about either Tavros or Dave.  --Oh, if this was a Candy Side chapter title, I guess Rose or Jade is eulogizing Dave for John?

> (==>)

JANE: (Where now is our merry savior?) JANE: (Where is the horn that was honking?) JANE: (Where is the cape and the codpiece, and the...) JANE: (The...) JANE: (Oh, fiddlesticks.)

What?  Is she reading a childrens’ book?  --Oh.  She’s eulogizing Gamzee.  So that gives us a third option, where the rebellion crashes the funeral somehow, probably audiovisually rather than in person.  (Which would make sense, given Candy practically began with Gamzee crashing Dirk’s funeral.)

> (==>)

Ah never mind, she’s still writing it.

That sure is a single button drama-remote that’s going to be pressed at some point.  Oh, and who the fuck keeps a spork in a pen cup???  --No no, don’t say it’s one of those pens with a spork at the eraser end, either ready-made or rubber-banded to the side.  That would make sense.  You totally know it isn’t that and is just a spork.

JANE: (Okay, poetry is out.) JANE: (What else?) JANE: (Hrm...) JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.) JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?) JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.)

Why were you crying in Jake’s arms about his death if you didn’t care that much?  Did you just want him to hold you and kinda make him feel in on things again?  Or did you just cry yourself out about him?

JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)

I bet the rest of Earth C figured out a more inclusive term millenia ago FUCK I accidentally added millennia to my dictionary misspelled instead of correcting it hold on--

...There, killed the entry for it.  ...Huh.  Take a look at my Chrome dictionary’s custom-added words over the years, apparently:

Caliborn Eridan Kanaya Matriorb Meenah Tavros alchemiter dichotomic nephilim reblogged uncaptchalogues uncaptchaloguing

That’s fun.

Okay back to reading. Millennia.  Phew!  Where was I.

JANE: (One really good and calculated weep could do it, I think.) JANE: (But then there's the danger that I might get carried away and do it for real.) JANE: (And I can't risk that.)

So still feeling something, just too used to calculating over the past years.

JANE: (What can I say about him that will stir up their emotions?) JANE: (Do I mention the stuff about the milk?) JANE: (Think Crocker, think.)

WHY would you-- how much did Gamzee normalize adult breastfeeding?!

JAKE: Ahoy over there!

Not the best time.

(The thing with the divorce papers from the Epilogue and John implying he was planning with Jake to execute something that sounds like a divorce... is that going to be sprung here?  Did her lawyers send the divorce papers way back when she was in a fit of pique, and he just had them available to sign now at the tactical moment? Or... let me pull the exact text...)

JOHN: now, harry anderson, i know that you and tavros haven't always gotten along. JOHN: but i am going to have to ask you to try and look out for him for the time being. JOHN: your uncle jake and i... well, i'll explain later. JOHN: let's just say that gamzee isn't the only family member jane is losing today.

(So is John going to submit the papers? Or did they already go through a while ago and default custody to John or something who’s going to adopt him too or some nonsense?  And did he plan this out with Jake NOW, or a while ago, and if only a while ago, is Jake going to KNOW whatever John’s about to pull in that respect is about to happen??)

> (==>)

Butte

Janepalme

> (==>)

JAKE: Er... how goes the eulogizing, dear?

Gah.  I completely forgot again that capitalized-first-letter chapter names don’t mean KANAYA is saying them.  That probably makes a lot more sense out of my wondering about the chapter title earlier to those of you who didn’t realize I was making that mistake.

JANE: It turns out that it's mighty difficult to find touching things to say about a person, the relationship with whom was predicated on deep-seated mutual loathing.

Hah!

--A loathing you regarded as largely more important to you than Jake ever was, by the way.  You asshole.

JANE: I imagine this is one of the reasons no funerary tradition was ever established on Alternia, besides the barbarism of their culture. DIRK: Jesus christ. JANE: Not only did a significant proportion of their interpersonality depend on romance in the form of hatred, but it was a society based on cruelty and violence. JANE: What reason could they have had to provide for the dead? JANE: What kind of last rites could they have even imagined?

I wondered for a moment why (bg!)Dirk of all people would react to a single line of her starting to bring up prejudices, but then I realized that (1) Brain Ghost Dirk is a little more Jakey, and (2) Dirk knew that more ranting would follow the first line.

JANE: I can't think of anything good to write about him because deep down, I hated his guts. JANE: But he was and is beloved of the multitude, so I have to think of something regardless. JAKE: Im not sure i understand. JANE: Don't worry your pretty little head about it. JANE: This is politics, Jakey. JANE: Lying through your two front teeth about people you hate is about as good a definition as it's possible to get. JANE: But, by gum, is it tiring work.

Mm.  It’s a position Jane put herself in, but it’s still a legitimate position once you’re there.

JANE: The funeral is tomorrow, after all.

Got it.

DIRK: Dude, the bowl. JAKE: Hm? JAKE: Oh, right. JANE: What is it now, Jake. JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well. JANE: You mean the prisoner. JAKE: Y...es.

Wait, bowl?

Oh god damnit which of you had the idea to feed her with a DOG BOWL.  Either of you could have thought of it, and either of you would be horrible for it.

> (==>)

Huh, that outfit on Yiffy looks familiar, like a reference to something.  And a black tail?  This definitely isn’t quite the look I was expecting from Jade Plus Rose, but I suppose the snazzy tie is a Roseish vibe.  Also reminiscent of Jade’s old Dead Shuffle dress.  Formal wear and soccer cleats??

JANE: She's over in the corner. JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite. JANE: I've seen to that already.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN.  I don’t see anything over her mouth!  Did she stick something in it, or drug her?  File her fucking teeth???

I mean I did forget the Child Abuse trigger warning to be fair.  Hoping whatever would be on her mouth is just not shown in-panel yet for stylistic reasons.

> (==>)

JAKE: Its only mac and cheese, sorry. JAKE: Its all I know how to make, haha. JAKE: ... JAKE: I um... hope you can safely partake of cheese? JAKE: ... JAKE: Well, JAKE: Bon appetit.

How the fuck did Jake eat on his island then?  --Oh right, preserved food cans that Grandma Jade stored up, I think I remember.  Why would cheese not be a thing for them, if it’s fine for Jade?  I know he’s probably not just worried about lactose intolerance.

Either way, if she’s drugged here, that’ll mean we won’t get a good idea of her for a while, so which is it...

> (==>)

DIRK: Bon appetit. DIRK: Seriously dude? JAKE: (What? Did i pronounce it wrong?) DIRK: Jake. DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl. JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???) JAKE: (I feel awful enough as it is without you getting on my case about it.)

Ah, missed the bone pun.  AND, yeah, Jake, you’re a fucking idiot, you could have put it in a cup or something.

JAKE: (So far ive yet to see anything come of that brilliant plan of yours.) JAKE: (Are you sure sending that message to the others was enough?)

Okay, so he IS coordinating this slightly.

> (==>)

Horrifying image to contemplate, eh Jane?

Or anger-inducing?

> (==>)

Seems about right!

> (==>)

Oh that’s a GREAT exasperated Jane face.

JANE: I hope you're not expecting dessert, young lady.

I like how Jane didn’t notice, comment on, or care about the bowl.  How can you hate a kid so much??

> (==>)

Oh I know why I felt like I recognized the outfit style, it’s because it’s ANIME AS FUCK.  Feels like some Persona 4 Arena nonsense, and I say that not having played any of those games or even remembering what they looked like.  Also, white hair, black fur’d dog parts?  Nice change of pace.

YIFFY: GRRRRRRRRR... JANE: Oh no you don't.

Red text?  What color exactly... “#D00009”?  Huh.  That’s nowhere near Alt-Callie’s #FF0000, and darker than Dave’s #E00707.  In fact, let me go back and check those spilled color pins the commentary pointed out from an update or two ago...  no, the red pin is #E63225, closer to Dave’s color.  (Also, is Yiffy blocking the doorway out?  That’s a pretty slack chain then.)

Did Jane see to it that she wouldn’t bite with like, a water spray bottle?

(EDIT: Oh my FUCKING GOD, THAT's why it's #D00009...)

> (==>)

FUCK I didn’t notice the shock collar in the Yiffy image!  FUCK YOU, Jane.

> (==>)

Keeping someone in line with collars, especially ones that punish whenever one strays out of line, has always been a decent way for her to mix in some Doomy control of others to show how she’s “grown” to balance her main role and her Tiara-controlled-like inverse for more power.  Doom in part represents boundaries that you can’t cross without getting hurt or punished.

> (==>)

FUCK, those little buck teeth!?  D’:

JANE: That's more like it.

She HAS to have more of a reason for hating her than hating her parents, right?  Like, more than that and general racism applying to partdogfolk?

> (==>)

Hey fuck off with that!

> (==>)

This is a pretty cool ima-- are those piercings on her dog ear?  I didn’t notice that in the first shot, neat.

JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam. JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake. JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however. JANE: That truce is over. JANE: Do I make myself understood?

What the fuck?  WHY would you do that?  Why does Jane run "Ms. Paint’s Home for Inconvenient Girls”?  What did Yiffy do to piss her off so much there, how much trouble could she have caused?

I don’t know if she’s referring to the behind-Kanaya’s-back part as disgusting or she’s just being MORE racist.

> (==>)

JANE: We don't want you passing out during the ceremony, do we?

Oh, just showing the hostage off during the clown funeral, huh?  Classy much?

> (==>)

JANE: Now, be a good hostage and get some rest, Yiffany dear. JANE: We've got a big day tomorrow.

For a politician, Jane’s not good at looking at herself in a mirror.

> (==>)

JANE: Night night. JANE: Hoo hoo.

> (Yiffy: Lights out.)

Huh, dream stuff is gonna be relevant out in Candy then? *click*

Okay, dark background all of a sudden.  Properly dramatic?  You even have to highlight the non-link “>” part of the Next link to see it.

> (==>)

-- thespiansGlamor [TG] began pestering adamantGriftress [AG] --

Well, I don’t know WHY it’s happening, but the white-backed pesterlog suddenly on the dark site framing is certainly evocative.  Of like, a mood, or something.

TG: i thought he was pretty quiet down there. TG: we'll make a rebel of him yet! AG: Lol. AG: I think it's more that he can't sleep. AG: I know how he feels. TG: yeah. TG: today was a lot. AG: ... TG: do you wanna talk about it? AG: Ugh, not you as well.

It’s really jarring to transition between Homestuck’s “kids jarringly mentally resistant to freaking out about the end of the world” to HS^2′s more realistic “kids traumatized by their first firefight even though it was an overwhelming victory-escape”.

TG: but seriously, do you? AG: Not really. TG: not even about... you know? TG: her? AG: No. TG: ... are you sure? AG: A8solutely. AG: What are you, my moirail? AG: Just leave it, Harry. TG: ok.

Are they about to have an “I wonder what Yiffy’s like” talk?

> (==>)

Very similar Tav/Vrissy convo to the previous one.

GG: I havent ever shared a bedroom before,,, GG: Not even for a slumber party,,, AG: Tavvy, you are just a8out the saddest person I've ever met.

Well, we have an even better idea how horrible Jane can be with kids, now.  From Nanna to THIS is quite jarring.  I wonder how the double Nannasprites that must still be around here somewhere feel?

> (==>)

TG: nothing about my dad is cute. TG: what are you even saying. AG: Lmao. TG: seriously! TG: i think he has something against that word, even. he gets super weird about it. AG: He's a strange and funny m8n. TG: yeah. TG: ... TG: i think something bad must have happened.

...um.  What?  Why would John have some sort of trauma about the word cute or being called it?

Did John dress up as a hint of his buried June ambitions as a kid and Dad lavish him with “SO CUTE” praise in an epic supportiveness backfire that caused him to shelve the idea of wearing non-masc clothes and being happier on the flipside of gender ever again???  Because if that’s how June gets canonized as promised, it’s a little harsher than the back of my mind was hoping.  I guess it kind of had to be though from the premise of how it was read into his childhood for the original idea, though.  Fuck, I hope this Cute business is about something different from that (like a Terezi reference or such) just to get less John Sads.  (But still June.  Definitely still want to get June.)

> (==>)

Oh, and now Vrissy is doing nothing but talking about what she said she didn’t want to talk about, of course.  (Also I like how JANE’s now being called the Batterwitch.)

AG: And the worst part was they didn't even fight a8out it! AG: That made me madder than 8nything else. AG: It felt like I was the only person who even W8S mad! GG: I dont think thats true,,, AG: What would you know a8out it?! GG: Maybe nothing,,, GG: Sorry,,, GG: Its just,,, GG: To me,,, all the way through the conversation,,, aunt kanaya looked even angrier than you,,, AG: ... AG: Adults are so fucking weird.

Guh, I don’t want to be reminded how hurt a good chunk of the fanbase is by Kanaya getting hurt this badly.

Original Tavros was always SLIGHTLY perceptive of others sometimes, but maybe perceptiveness is being hinted at as a Tavros specialty?  We still don’t know his classpect/hero-title or have any firm guesses based on purely him evidence.  (Also, frightened kids of abusive households tend to learn to get perceptive pretty fucking quickly I hear.)

> (==>)

TG: dad was sitting in the cafeteria with aunt jade and your moms. TG: it looked like they were discussing something important... they were whispering and stuff.

[etc etc] Alright, the what-happened-to-Dave bit.  And I imagine they’re kind of helping John grieve there, since Rose and Jade have talked that out already.

TG: aunt kanaya's was the only face i could see. TG: she was standing next to them, but she wasn't looking at what was going on. TG: almost like she couldn't bear to. AG: I doubt it. Kanaya's got a8out as much Emotivity as a very reclusive stone. TG: ok, i think that is bullshit but whatever. TG: she saw me standing there, but didn't say anything. she just shook her head slightly, and pointed back out into the hallway i came down.

Yep, giving them some space to grieve.  Also-- gosh, shouldn’t Vrissy have the same emotive senses that Aranea implied Vriska shared with her?  Kanaya isn’t that EXPRESSIVE but she’s certainly full of emotion.  Also, I hope part of her not bearing to watch wasn’t lingering anger toward Jade and Rose mixing with that, but there probably was a bit of that too, though Dave being gone is so much harsher than that. --I just realized they might not have broken the news to Karkat yet, either.

AG: I guesadxcxzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz TG: vrissy?

Put to sleep by someone slumping down on your phone keypad, or surprised by something about the other conversation?

Oh shit, “other conversation” reminded me I didn’t look at Tavros’s chumhandle:

glutinousGymnast [GG]

HHHHHhhhhuh.  Hm... huh? hhhh.  huh?  what, but.  Why would.  ?????

I really don’t understand what that chumhandle or any of its entendres should signify in this context.

Also, this means for our new four kids we have TG, GG, AG, and ??.

> (==>)

GG: I think she might have succumbed to sleep quite suddenly,,, GG: It would explain the,,,,,, interesting messages I've been getting for a while,,, TG: hehe. TG: i guess that tracks. TG: she does that from time to time.

That’s... strange.  Homestuck’s taught us to be suspicious of that.

TG: ... TG: tav? GG: Yes,,, harry anderson,,,? TG: what does it feel like to know someone who's died?

Who is Harry referring to? (EDIT: Yes I know Gamzee for Tavros, but I meant Harry talks like he's worried he'll have to feel that way soon?)  Is he just kind of inferring that something bad might have happened to Uncle Dave?  Got that perceptive “parents are about to tell me about a death in the family” vibe?  Or did he overhear more than he let on to Vrissy?

...alright, that’s the last page of this update.  Looks like this chapter is going to continue to have a good bunch of grieving, or talk around it.

---

Now for Bonus Commentary for A Threat, Sensed.  For some reason I have a dim memory of like... reading this myself without commenting on it?  Or skimming it?  But I’m pretty sure I didn’t do that.  Weird.  Must have imagined doing it.

Ah, I think I saw the opening paragraph scrolling Patreon, and my mind kinda filled in the blanks, this is still looking new to me.

Okay, mostly banter and japes in the commentary here.  About Dirk “throwing a huge tantrum in his philosophy cave”.

We’ve had quite a bit of speculation on whether this is “really” Andrew. To that, I think we’d say that it doesn’t “really” matter.

Really?  That was speculated about?  :/

Here we discover that Dirk has not, as some people have speculated, been directly intervening into the Candy timeline, or influencing it in any way. In fact, he has a very hard time seeing anything going on there at all.

Mhmm, and that was a pretty important thing to learn.

A couple of years ago I might have agreed with the take that everything happening in Candy is simply too outlandish to ever happen naturally, without direct, villainous interference, but that was before literally every fucking batshit insane thing that has happened on Real Life Earth started going down, and now I will believe literally anything. 

This is a nice bit of distraction from the idea that at least the opening parts of the Candy story were written/narrated by Original, Alive Calliope over on meat side.  To refresh your memory of what was pointed out to me:

ROXY: back when jade first got all effed up callie saw somethin and it made them freak out ROXY: it took me weeks to convince them that it was safe to come home ROXY: but now we got the opposite problem and they arent leavin the house at all ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls TEREZI: WH4T? ROXY: its not as bad as it sounds i promise ROXY: some of it is like ROXY: weird and violent?? ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um ROXY: nudity???? TEREZI: >:? ROXY: yeah yikes ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

Which tracks with the initial out-of-character-seemingness of almost everyone at the start of Candy, and how they kind of tried to railroad things back onto the “Happy??” track after Dirk derailed it with his weird self-accumulation suicide, along with some of the flowery-idyllic descriptions of characters seeing each other bathed in a halo of light and such.

Of course, they’re not going to out-and-out STATE that Calliope was at fault for that narration, helping the Candy story not necessarily fall out the way it did “naturally”, until we finally get a glimpse of her on the heroes’ ship in Meat probably still painting the continuing Candy events, inspiring them into the void of the singularity with her latent powers.  Til then, it’s a bit of misdirection whenever the topic is to be brought up.  Along with a mix of Roxy’s late-Candy point to John of more or less “why COULDN’T we have done this naturally? you don’t know”.

He might even think that he has more direct power over the narrative than Hussie does himself. Surprise, motherfucker, you are a fictional character. 

:p

I’ll quote this next part in full:

There’s been talk of whether or not this bonus was written in the two days between its release and the Yiffy reveal chapter. The answer is--no. It was written over a month ago. But I think the things it addresses were not difficult to suss out. Obviously, Dirk is highlighting the issues that the readership are having with Yiffy, in his typical Dirk fashion. If it seems a little defensive, well...I suppose it is. Yiffy is one of the two hard lines drawn in the sand, and all of us love her, and we’re hoping that everyone else will love her too. But more than that, it focuses on the fact that update culture has a rhythm to it--shock, revulsion, acceptance (or not), and then excitement (or not). Will it follow that pattern this time? Who knows. I guess we’ll find out. 

Yeah, given what was going to be dropped on us I expected they would have had exactly this lined up, especially because Andrew specifically mandated Yiffy.  --I wonder why they aren’t mentioning that somewhere in the commentary and only on one of their Twitters?

Also quoting this:

There’s something both incredibly “cringe” and self-indulgent, as well as philosophically intriguing, about the author arguing with his villain, especially since he’s writing both halves of the conversation himself. You are, for all intents and purposes, trying to solve a problem that you have created for yourself. You are looking an aspect of your personality in the eye and asking, hey, what the fuck, man?

But in the end, isn’t that what every story is? Trying to untie knots that you put in the rope yourself?

Since it’s part of the central struggle of this story, and kind of the question Andrew’s tried to imply with every Homestuck work about what right we have to keep these characters trapped in a story, and if they’d be better off escaping it.

I’m really trying to avoid quoting so much of this, since the commentary is paid...  but I think we can make an exception here?  I’ll have only quoted about half of it; just, the really plot-important half.  Plus, I left out a LOOOT of japes.

Dirk has a certain idea of how stories are supposed to go. That’s pretty much what the Epilogues is about. The audience also has a certain expectation of how a story is supposed to go. In a way, the Epilogues were also about that. They were taking a story that had reached the traditionally “acceptable” happily ever after, and saying, wait, no. What happens next? Thinking past happily ever after in any story is a terrifying prospect. Once Cinderella marries the prince, what then? Sure, she got what she wanted, but who knows that it will be everything she dreamt it would? What if she changes her mind, if not today, what about ten years from now? What if the prince dies of malaria? 

And I’m...

Yeah I don’t have anything else to add here, I’m kind of out of brain juice to think about this tonight.  BUSY day I had.  Y’all take care!

[consultingsister-aa]

@theasteriae​ said: ☎ / i love this meme, will always send it, pls choose whoever 😌

sebastian moran ( alt main ) NAME: booty call #3   RINGTONE: love story, taylor swift  PICTURE: mostdangerousmaninlondon.png LAST TEXT RECEIVED: no.  LAST TEXT SENT: i have THE BEST idea but i’m going to need ur life insurance details 

electra black ( groupies and gang wars ) NAME: black twin female  RINGTONE: woman, kesha  PICTURE: wifey.jpg  LAST TEXT RECEIVED: can we do paris then? x LAST TEXT SENT: UGH no i think i have to be in nyc on the 18th for a show :/ can you make it out to vegas for the boys show? we’re getting that stupid expensive suit for the lols again lololol cause obz we need two pools in the hotel we’re never fucking in lmaaooo

aidan fitzgerald ( groupies and gang wars ) NAME: mr electra black  RINGTONE: you need to calm down, taylor swift  PICTURE: babe.jpg LAST TEXT RECEIVED: i am exhausted so if i come home to you in my bed again, i am going to lose it, get out now or i’ll throw you out the window  LAST TEXT SENT: probs shouldn’t come home then xoxoxoxoxo

kate conway ( lawyer verse ) NAME: work wifey  RINGTONE: don’t call me angel, miley cyrus + ariana grande + lana del rey  PICTURE: diva.png LAST TEXT RECEIVED: they’ve offered forty million, we’re turning that down right?  LAST TEXT SENT: tell them to fuck off, but professionally ;) also did you order donuts to the office bc im going to eat them all if you don’t hurry up and crush this case whoooops 

[saltine-kakyoin]

OH AND for the other ask thing, mayhaps 🎯 🔭 🎞 🥐 and 💌? this is also quite a few hgjkghd if u don't wanna do them all that's fine!!!! i hope u can find a moment of relaxation tonight

it’s no worries!! i’m really appreciative of these because my sister and her fiance are talking about me flying home in the other room and i am truly tryna be like ⬇️ thank you for the kind wishes man… you already know this but ilysm ; J ;

the rest of this gets really long, so i’m gonna put this under a readmore!

🎯 if you could gain any skill instantly, what would it be?

broo this question is like a callout post… i have a list of skills i’ve been meaning to learn since at least august of 2018 that has regretfully gone untouched + unloved.. I would say, either the ability to speak spanish or ASL? or maybe how to hand embroider, or to do calligraphy? (fun fact: i bought a quill at last year’s ren faire, mostly as a prop for the game of whodunnit we do every day + I was going to learn to use it properly but it’s sat in my RF tub since november.. la tragedie) i’m really godawful at cooking and i don’t know how to bake, so maybe i should prioritize those..i desperately dream of baking loaves of bread for my friends and family, wrapping them in twine + writing kind notes, and hand-delivering them.. uGH ;J;

🔭 what’s your go-to topic to learn about when you’re bored?

it really depends on what i’m into! most of the time, i love deep-diving and learning the weird ins-and-outs of the lore of whatever i’m really into! my brother can testify for me staying up all night on the dragon ball wiki trying to make heads or tails of the different timelines.. August-November, though, i love learning about handicrafts! i have an entire playlist on youtube dedicated to leatherworking, bookbinding, woodburning, + other funky crafts that i’ll hopefully one day delve into so that Corylana can evolve from Ditsy invader zim-kinning elf to a tru Explorer of the Woods who has seen shit + lived to tell the tale! c:

🎟 what are some artists/bands whose music brings back childhood memories for you?

i’m such an audiophile so this question, i think, is probably the loveliest one to be asked ^ ^ a really important thing to understand about this answer is that i spent the latter half of my formative years locked up in a house all day w/ 2008 internet as my primary source of entertainment. 

most of my childhood is tied up in songs as opposed to bands. my sister and i were really Addicted to yugioh amvs, so we listened to a ton of alt rock bc that’s what all the amvs were set to? the most iconic one was this joey x mai amv from like 2008 that i am SO glad still exists.. he is everything you want Stays one of my favorite songs solely bc of polarshipping (this is a Lie that song SLAPS)  chasing cars, eclipse of the heart, iris, you and me, and hfhsh remember the name were really Crucial songs ;v; i was also ObSESSED w britney although my mom hates her + i vividly remember that they used to play hips don’t lie Every Single Time we went to eat at buffalo wild wings, so it became another obsession. my mom really loved ymca so we listened to that all the time, too c:

also FUCK my sister brought this up… the first 3 seconds of untouched by the veronicas sets off my fight or flight response because SO many people used it for their iconic 2008-2010 “xyz productions” title cards, FUCK.

things changed once we moved back to north carolina (read: my sister and i became mortal enemies?) i’m about to oust myself but vocaloid was such a huge part of my childhood (it’s also why i joined choir at all, which is hilarious considering that’s basically the rest of my life lol) i enjoyed a TON of different artists, but i remember for a fact that i was obsessed with wowaka, deco*27 (egomama and aimai elegy were particular faves) (ALSO TWO BREATHS WALKING + LOVE DISTANCE LONG AFFAIR WAIT.. WAIT…. OMG), and jin (ms. kagerou project....

on a mildly unrelated note (does hs count as one’s childhood? hm), disney’s candlelight processional brings back so many warm memories from high school! although I cannot fuck with the hallelujah chorus, even 2 years after graduation, because it brings me back to the first time I performed it + my throat locked up on stage and i couldn’t breathe consistently for like 4 minutes! ; J ; i vividly remember debating whether or not i could make it through the song w/o passing out or sitting down (if you sat down to be carried out during the performance, you didn’t receive your complimentary tickets bc you didn’t perform the whole show. My dilemma was that Hallelujah is the final song of the show + i had powerhoused through every song before it)

🥐 what food is your go-to when you want something easy to make/prepare?

in moments of dire hunger, my brother and i always resort to ramen with broccoli! ramen is a1 on its own but there’s something about the broccoli that truly elevates it.. idk. i cannot wait for when i have more time to cook + look back on this answer and cackle at my lack of cooking skills ;v;

💌 what’s something you love about the last friend/family member you texted?

the last person i texted was my brother ben! and bro where the fuck do i even Begin with benji, oh my god.. he and i have been through the trials and tribulations of childhood alliance + betrayal, we’ve walked through the fires of hell + lived to tell the tale of it to our mom even though we both agreed we wouldn’t snitch.. benji is a legend

I feel the same way about ben that you do about lj! we’re almost always on the same wavelength about stuff, and i feel like i can talk to him about genuinely anything c: we swing wildly between being Literally Incoherent and manic to being very real and sometimes philosophical and it is always yeehaw Times. one of the things i appreciate most about ben is that he’s SUCH a good sounding board for ideas- i always bounce my new concepts off of him and he almost always has something interesting to add or consider. sergio, and most of my other aus, would deadass Not Exist without ben’s inputs c:

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki SSL Kazama Cross Short Story “Food” Translation + note at bottom

the Japanese chapter name for this apparently translates to ‘meal’ (so says google mtl) but i’m just going to refer to these cross short stories as “food” because of the Eng on the chapter visual below. 

also i have decided that at the end of every month imma go and actually edit my postings so that i can go and remove all those ‘to be edit tags’.... will also remove some side/personal notes for some things then as well... and may add char tags to some things though i dislike the idea of tagging every character that appears in a drama...

Enjoy... also I like prawn flavoured instant noodles. 

Hakuoki SSL Cross Short Story: Kazama Chikage x Food

Translation by KumoriYami

Kazama: Tell me, Amagiri. What are "cup noodles"?

Amagiri: ....Ha?

Amagiri: I believe cup noodles are cup noodles. Have you not eaten them (before)?

Kazama: Of course I know of them. Only (I) haven't eaten them (before).

Amagiri: Why are you suddenly bringing this up today then?

Kazama: People in class were saying that a delicious flavour of cup noodle was released recently.  

Kazama: And apparently my wife was very happy after eating it.  

Kazama: This time the husband must take the initiative to understand his wife's interests.

Amagiri:.....No matter the reason, this may be a good opportunity for Kazama-sama to broaden his horizons since he is a bit biased. This is a very joyous/happy matter.

Kazama: So Amagiri, buy a cup noodle for me!

Amagiri: .....Understood. Please wait a moment.

(After a while)

Kazama: Ha, (so) this is cup noodles.

Amagiri: Yes. This is an extremely novel/original recipe that requires pouring hot water into it that can be eaten within a few minutes.

Kazama: Taste.... is a bit salty. The ingredients in the soup are too small to offer any nutritional value. [食用 translates to edible... but changed to nutritional for more word sense....though i can’t figure out what to replace small with right now. think of something later]

Kazama:  However, the taste of commoners is not bad. Although it cannot satisfy this gourmet[alt: this one's palette].... (but [removed this]) I am very interested (in this). Amagiri.

[The first part of the sentence before "Amagiri" roughly translates to "Although this can't satisfy this uncle/this one who is a foodie... but," so I changed it.]

Amagiri: Yes. Then....

Kazama: Speak to the chef at home. Have them give me a cup noodle every three days.

Amagiri:.....Ha? Are you serious?

Amagiri: I think having/making a three-star chef make cup noodles is a bit insulting/disgraceful...

-fini-

------------

Well...i don’t intend to ever do this much stuff at once ever again lol... but I had a shitty week (sleeping-wise) and spent that time doing things that didn’t really help... like translating lol. Anyway, I’m not entirely sure how many SSL non-drama cd things I’m going to translate [btw: currently looking for someone to translate about 2 lines of dialogue that are missing from student general assembly track 3 translation that i found that are spoken in the background] though if I did it would only be from the cross or daily stories for the game since I can’t really find route translations nor care to look for them... also I honestly don’t have the much interest in the routes aside from Saito’s, Yamazaki’s and Kazama’s given the summaries I’ve read online [well it’s more that I’m happy with what other people have already put together to read]. still looking for a Chinese translation of reimeiroku’s serizawa’s route (the 6th chp in particular since it’s when ibuki encounters kazama and chizuru on their way to ezo, and the epilogue [?] where i think he ends up with that cg.... though i did find a video and translations for when kazama and chizuru are talking in her home and she leans onto his back)... unfortunately some of the yuugiroku 2 vids i found used vnr translations... so iuno if i’ll bother with that.. or reimeiroku kozue’s route as it also used vnr since i don’t really want to translate mtl + human translated stuff with the help of the same methods. 

Also holy shit I can’t believe I spent about 45 min extracting text from a 14 min Hakuoki drama only to spend 50 minutes double checking that that was converted properly into text via an image to text extractor then going over that to ensure it was accurate... and I’m going to be spending an even longer amount of time to translate said shit. T_T im such a masochist for hakuoki stuff. iuno if that’s a good thing or a bad thing lol..... 

*sigh*

btw does anyone have Adobe after-effects (or another program that can do falling snow visuals/white balls falling like snow similar to the hakuoki games)  and/or can recommend a free video editor that can allow for inserting timed text as animations? I found the audio for the Hakuoki Stories of the Shinsengumi bonus character stories (I’ve only listened to the Saito one “warm first snow” and the Kazama one with Amagiri and Shiranui) and kinda really want clean videos of them with english text for my own enjoyment... I’m thinking I can probably get something free to add text onto a video and don’t really care if said text isn’t animated or not, but I’d really like the animated snow effect on the saito one...

gnight technically morning now. 

[momestuck]

Epilogues: Meat ch 28-32 [Epilogue 5]

So now we’re in different hands.

chapter 28

We return to John, this time with alt-Calliope narrating about his alarmingly blunt teeth. Also on further thought I have no more reason to use ‘she’ pronouns for alt-Calliope than proper Calliope (alt-Calliope does not even seem to use the name Calliope in narration, just things like ‘the dead cherub’), so I will use they pronouns, and will edit the previous post to reflect that.

alt-Calliope declares that they are not going to be ‘inserting thoughts into peoples’ heads’, though they will be ‘truthfully’ reporting those thoughts with more clarity than the subject of narration is necessarily prepared to acknowledge.

john would be mortified with human embarrassment if he could understand the clarity and precision with which i am willing to telegraph his thoughts. but his embarrassment is irrelevant to me. as always, the truth is paramount.

This mortifying description of how John thinks of Terezi includes a reference to “gap moe”, because of f u c k i n g course it does.

John worries if this makes him like a creepy weeb who collects body pillows, but in dialogue dismisses this as something that would only make sense to a human. Unfortunately, Tegiri exists to disprove that sentiment!

Despite alt-Calliope’s avowed dedication to ‘truth’, there is obviously more to this than not contradicting the ‘truth’ of events or thoughts... she is deciding how to present the ‘true’ information, what to state and what to leave implicit and what to brush over. a story also concerns what’s ‘relevant’ and ‘essential’, as Rose said so long ago.

chapter 29

Jane, it seems, has been using the trickster-mode lollipop during her campaign. This leads to an argument with the narration about whether or not it’s “problematic” - neither Jane nor alt-Calliope think so, though neither can be considered someone presented in a 100% positive light at this point...

(Jane mostly argues in the in-universe political campaign situation, when of course the argument about ‘trickster mode’ was the whole ‘caucasian’ shitshow)

Anyway, despite her prior statements, alt-Calliope is not above interfering in the narration if it’s for the sake of cherub artefacts.

jane rubs her eyes under her glasses and groans. trickster mode is also quite exhausting. what a strange quirk of human biology that excess euphoria must necessarily be followed by crippling despair. she carelessly tosses the lollipop on the floor, lurches toward her desk...

no.

she turns around promptly, her body jolted by the surprise of her sudden reversal. she bends over, cradles the lollipop reverentially, and situates it carefully in a place signifying respect: atop the mantle, after clearing space for it by shoving several brittle, worthless objects to the floor.

alt-Calliope narrates that she’s totally got Dirk’s number - “he probably thinks he’s a very clever boy, my brother did too” - as Dirk works on a long red rifle in between other tasks designed to distract.

Jane wonders about trying to blackmail Jake by revealing that he’s been having sex with trolls. Dirk challenges this as xenophobic. There’s an odd exchange...

JANE: What ISN’T xenophobic?

DIRK: Well, for one thing, what you just said there?

DIRK: Probably also xenophobic.

JANE: WHAT?

DIRK: Sorry, that’s just how it is.

DIRK: You either gotta roll with the woke shit, or decide to commit laborious, symbolic, melodramatic suicide in the process of utterly giving up.

This may be referring to his suicide in the other branch, I guess? idefk what this is trying to say ><

chapter 30

Karkat and Dave are attempting to win over Jake. This involves a lot of jokes about “neoliberal austerity measures”, super pacs, and so on... and the two of them playing off each other. Dave has been presenting “visionary”, “avant-garde” campaign ads based on SBAHJ.

alt-Calliope notes that Jake has now been freed from Dirk’s indirect narrative control, able to make his own decisions. In tiny text, Dirk grumbles about this. Without his control, he declares, Jake is a purely reactive ‘dead bug’; with it, Jake is like an ant controlled by Cordyceps towards a “greater purpose” (i.e., reproducing Cordyceps ¬¬)

Anyway, Karkat ultimately makes a speech: he doesn’t say he’ll be the best president, but that whichever one wins, it will set a precedent on the matter of troll reproductive rights that will last for a very long time. Jane is, necessarily, far more concerned with nice appearances than doing right:

KARKAT: NO MATTER HOW NICE SHE WAS WHEN YOU WERE KIDS, HER DEDICATION TO THE APPEARANCE OF THAT “NICENESS” HAS ALREADY LED HER DOWN A PATH OF CORRUPTION AND DUPLICITY.

KARKAT: BECAUSE WHEN YOU LIVE INSIDE A SKIN THAT’S A LIE, YOU’LL EITHER GROW TO FIT IT, OR COLLAPSE UNDER THE UNBEARABLE WEIGHT OF YOUR OWN SHIT-SPEWING COGNITIVE DISSONANCE.

KARKAT: TRUST ME, I FUCKING KNOW, BECAUSE I USED TO SPEW AN UNTOLD AMOUNT OF SHIT.

I think this is well put. I think it gets to the heart of a lot of things, that this story is talking about, apart from the free will/alternate possibilities stuff...

Anyway, that wins Jake over to their side.

chapter 31

Back to Terezi eating weird things in space. (Nice!)

Do god tiers need to eat? ...come to think of it, Terezi never actually went god tier.

Anyway, Terezi and John have a heart to heart. About the doomed timeline... and about Vriska. Terezi refers to the Remem8er flash, where she found a connection with the Terezi from the Game Over timeline.

TEREZI: TH4TS WHY 1M OUT H3R3

TEREZI: YOU S33...  

TEREZI: TH4T DOOM3D T3R3Z1 M1SS3D VR1SK4 *SO* MUCH, 1T W4S L1K3 4 HOL3 1N H3R H34RT

TEREZI: 1 R3M3MB3R TH3 W4Y SH3 F3LT, B3C4US3 ON3 T1M3, 4LL H3R M3MOR13S C4M3 FLOOD1NG B4CK

TEREZI: 1 3V3N GOT TO S33 WH4T H4PP3N3D WH3N SH3 D13D

TEREZI: SH3 4ND 4NOTH3R VR1SK4 GHOST F1N4LLY FOUND 34CH OTH3R

TEREZI: 1T M4D3 M3 SO H4PPY G3TT1NG TO F33L TH4T, 4S 1F 1T W4S ON3 OF MY OWN M3MOR13S

TEREZI: 1T JUST R31NFORC3D TH3 F33L1NG TH4T TH3R3 W4S SOM3TH1NG SP3C14L B3TW33N US

TEREZI: 4ND 1 JUST K3PT H4NG1NG ON TO TH4T B3L13F, R1GHT UP UNT1L...  

TEREZI: OH, 1 DONT KNOW

TEREZI: NOW???

TEREZI: 1V3 PR4CT1C4LLY D3VOT3D MY L1F3 TO C3RT41N M3MOR13S, TO TH3 1D34 TH4T TWO P3OPL3 C4N B3 M34NT TO B3 W1TH 34CH OTH3R ON SOM3 COSM1C L3V3L, 3V3N 1F TH3Y 4LW4YS S33M TO G3T 34CH OTH3R 1NTO TROUBL3

TEREZI: 4LL TH4T 1NV3STM3NT, 4LL TH4T S34RCH1NG...  

TEREZI: 4ND FOR *WH4T*?

TEREZI: OV3R 4 SW33P TOG3TH3R, 4ND SH3 JUST D1S4PP34RS 1NTO THE VO1D 4G41N?!

TEREZI: WH4T 4 HUG3 B1TCH

T_T

Anyway, this gets to the crux of the matter: Earth C may supposedly be paradise, but it doesn’t feel like it for either of them. To quote a certain book series, “perhaps some people just don’t have the knack of being happy”.

Anyway, Terezi can’t bear to part with John just yet - so she offers to take a look at his tooth wound. There’s a very funny moment where alt-Calliope narrates the blade drawing in a way so as to personally antagonise Dirk, who is pissed.

Terezi removes the poisonous tooth and then dresses John’s wound - I’ll be interested to hear from @drc4ble if her wound care is up to snuff. Then they have post-surgery makeouts.

Literally any even slightly intimate moment lol (or even a fight)... I miss feeling able to be that affectionate with people.

Although this is a het scene, it actually feels surprisingly... not het. idk. Not sure how to clarify that.

alt-Calliope, I guess, hasn’t lost her obsession with shipping and intimacy from when she was small. She claims she’s merely allowing John to perceive his “true” thoughts - and that’s why he’s being so bold. But that involves a decision, right, about which of his thoughts are “true”?

chapter 32

Apparently “proximity to a black hole”, a proxy for void, renders Roxy’s internal monologue perceptible to alt-Calliope, even though it wouldn’t normally be for those “on a higher textual plane”.

as for alt-Calliope, narrated as Jade:

looking beyond the wall she faces, and beyond everything past it, through the very fabric of narrative itself. they scan the ciliary veins of pacing, motivation, foreshadowing, irony—a continuum that has been upended by the prince’s interference. 

Dirk and alt-Calliope are back to arguing in the narration - about how diverse the crowds are, for example. Dirk dismisses alt-Calliope’s narration as “fake-woke”.

Anyway, despite Dirk’s needling in the narration, Roxy and Dave have a well-observed conversation about like, figuring out your gay/trans/nb/etc, coming out and so forth. Dave talks about like, various stages of more-or-less-ironic self-denial. Dirk gets increasingly irate at the discussion of gender and sexuality that doesn’t lead straightforwardly into like, clear-cut relationships.

Also he’s preparing to assassinate Jake. Unable to force his thoughts into narration, he just speaks out loud, and I guess alt-Calliope reports his words.

Dirk starts climbing the bell tower. Alt-Calliope tries various means to stop him: narrating that his feet feel heavy - he monologues that he has determination to get past this - dropping a bell on him - he monologues that he’s destroying the bell with his sword. Then they just dismiss him as boring...

Alt-Calliope resorts to warning Dave of the assassination attempt. This is turning into Death Note here... “ah, but what you didn’t realise is...” type shit stacking on top of each other. Dave stands in front of Jake, which would be a Heroic death, something Dirk isn’t willing to expose him to. But Dirk’s gun isn’t loaded with bullets, but with... tranq darts. But moreover, he was misleading us as to his intentions.

He wasn’t going to shoot Jake at all. He was going to shoot alt-Calliope/Jade... giving him back control over the narration!

That was interesting though. Cherubs are fuckin’ weird, I’ll totally concede. Still not sure what makes them tick. What they idealize, what they really want. It all comes across to me as a little cloying. Perfection to them is a sweetness beyond comprehension. Sugar so potent it’s poison to us. To our bodies, to our souls. Like the place she was operating from was a realm of self-construction. A bubble of pure, phantasmal confection.

Well, I for one have had enough of that goddamn toothache. I’m back in the protein saddle, motherfuckers. I’m clacking my tongs, and the charcoal is hot.

Now who’s hungry for meat?

Epilogue 5, in toto

So this is just a ludicrously meta version of Death Note now? ok, ok...

Dirk has essentially taken the role of Caliborn, in terms of representing one of two poles of what Homestuck is “about”. Where Caliborn was about tedious masculinity and over the top carnage, Dirk seems to want plots: plans unfolding, some kind of big elegant modernist [that may be incorrect] construction where everything is “in its proper place” according to an artistic vision.

alt-Calliope now seems to want to tell a story about the personal, about complex but ultimately happy relationships, and of course to let these characters fulfil ‘their own will’, somehow...

[dilfhakyeon-moved]

coffee shop au 4 (the one with the different names written on the coffee on different days) with ralbert? :)

disclaimer: don’t give me shit for their names i am TERRIBLE at names

but yea here are the sappho de lesbos stans

Once again, the ‘mystery customer’ was striking.

That sounding pretty ominous, it was nothing that serious. It was just that every week, always on a different day, they’d get that girl coming in. And she’d come at times it was pretty dead, most likely to get the same barista. There she always went, leaning on the counter, giving these soft eyes and these sweet words, and she’d leave with her order. It was never the same order either, she just… drank of everything, apparently. Your fave could never.

Somehow, she was indeed having an effect on that barista she was messing with, but that didn’t make her any less frustrating to deal with. Yeah, the flirting was nice, but if she had a set name it’d just be so much easier, wouldn’t it ? Because giving a different name every week was getting a little old.

Of course, the barista would get quite frustrated after some time, how couldn’t she ? It’d been going on long enough. And the list of names… were similar, for some. Sometimes just complete unrealistic jokes. She could remember them all - Race, Racer, Racetrack, Antonio, Anthony, Tony, even Edmund and Ed,… Pretty Girl, too. Maybe this one was fitting, but Berta absolutely refused to believe any of these other names were that “pretty girl’s” name. For one, some of these weren’t names, and well… the others were masculine, and judging by that last nickname, she wasn’t a guy.

Either way, the redhead had a hard time staying calm as the blonde began babbling, her oddly squeaky voice fitting so well with her messy accent and pronunciation, her tripping over words and her obnoxious giggle sounding somewhat endearing… Okay, maybe she totally wasn’t paying attention to what she was being told and she got too busy getting lost in thought, but who could blame her ?

… Right, herself.

Once she woke from this kind of weird daydreaming phase, she tried to harden her expression a little. “Okay, yeah. And the order ?” She said, maybe a little harshly. But it didn’t bother her customer, whose grin widened despite her cheeks perhaps darkened a tad.

Quad venti blonde breve latte, extra hot, no foam, four pumps vanilla, three pumps cinnamon dolce, two white mocha, stirred, light whip, extra cinnamon topping.

This was ridiculous. Once again, the girl’s order had to be ridiculous. Maybe that was one time too much, and that “one time too much” the barista didn’t bother waiting for the girl to give her a name. No, she was choosing it herself. It was obvious to see on the blonde’s face that she wasn’t exactly expecting that, but did she really have a choice ? No.

“Look at it once you’re outside,” Berta muttered, groaning quietly when the girl smiled again and poked her cheek before making her way out, whistling pretty loud - and getting looks from other customers, although admittedly there really weren’t that many. It still grabbed some of them’s attention, enough for them to notice the  barista quickly yet quietly following after her, letting her coworkers take care of the place if even just for a few minutes.

Keeping sight of the blonde wasn’t the hardest task. She hadn’t gone far, just walked a few metres away and was now reading the name written on her cup with some sort of surprise.

Endearing, the shorter girl would tell you.

Casually enough, she made a few steps until she was close enough to the girl, before pausing and more or less working up the courage to talk. She wasn’t all that good at communication all the time, but she still tried. “So, Foxy,” she called out, causing the other to jump and turn around. Her gaze was always as captivating, perhaps due to how obviously emotional it was - reading her mind was impossible, but her state of mind was all too obvious at all times. What really got Berta though, it surely was how evident the blush on her face was. Striking, such a contrast with her blue eyes and her blond curls, that pink really fit well. Made her look softer, and maybe a little less insufferable.

Her lips moved incoherently for a few seconds before she frowned, and pointed at the cup. “Y'ain’t wrote that, it’s ‘Vixen’ on it,” she protested, getting the other to raise an eyebrow. Maybe it’d been easy to guess making that flirty girl flustered wasn’t hard at all, but it still gave her some satisfaction. Oh, and also it was cute.

“I know what I wrote and I know vixens are foxes.” That sure wasn’t the answer that girl had hoped for. Berta could see her bite down on her lip as she thought of a reply.

“… Yea, but– still. Why’s that anyways, I 'on’t look like a fox !”

“Reminded me of one.”

Could the girl make it any more obvious that she clearly wasn’t used to being teased ? Or, flirted with, depending on how she took it. Either way, just one more endearing, sweet thing about that cute fellow, and it kind of made the former more confident.

This time though, maybe she actually put some thought into what she was about to say. Nothing crazy, but she’d always worked on that “speaking before thinking” basis, pretty much ; having to really work out some sort of appropriate response, or even question for the situation. Because in the end, that barista had ended up following her outside, there must’ve been a reason. Yes, that’d be her question.

“So… What’s ya doin’ here ? Ain’t ya workin’ ?” She uttered, her accent somewhat worsened. Oh, maybe because she was chewing on the… the cup. Was that a stress reliever ? Whatever.

“I wanna get your name.”

“What, I gave–”

“Your real name, so I don’t sob to my friends about a cute girl named Anthony,” Berta insisted, almost mockingly - although that was all light-hearted. The poor girl seemed to whimper after “cute girl”. Haha, she found her cute, she could die happy was what the whimper meant.

“Well… 'f ya want my name, then I bet you should invite me for a sleepover some time !” The blonde tried. It probably came off as silly, even if Berta just thought it adorable.

“A… sleepover ?”

“Yea, like… the best kind'a date.” She continued, managing to sound genuine about it. “It ain’t too fast if I’ been comin’ to your shop for two months. We can totally have a sleepover.”

“But I could be a murderer an’ kill you in your sleep.”

“Bitch, wha’s the issue here ? I’d die a happy death.” She retorted - maybe a little too quickly. A chance she hadn’t pulled out the whole “oh, crush me with your arms” or any sort of stupid stuff she looked like she would totally say. And the redhead clearly wasn’t wrong about that, that kind of answer had definitely come out of that girl’s mouth a few times… Maybe she shouldn’t be thinking about it.

“So, name ?”

She seemed embarrassed to say it. “Anya.”

“That’s a real pretty name.”

“Yea, shut ya’ trap, spare me the compliments.” Anya groaned, her gaze wandering elsewhere. “ ’S just a name.”

“Sure, Anya,” Berta answered with a chuckle, shaking her head. “So you said a sleepover ?”

“Yea.”

“Then gi'mme your phone number or something.”

“Ya wrote yours on the cup.”

“… Ah, I did that.”

“Yea.”

It was her time to be embarrassed again, it seemed. Had she really forgotten so easily ? That was a shame for sure, but Anya wouldn’t be too bothered by it, she could tell.

“Anyway, I’m… I’m gonna need to go back to work. Maybe come more often. Oh, and you don’t have to run away everytime, you can drink it at the shop,” the shorter girl offered. But she was met with a head shake, and that bright, quite shit-eating grin the blonde always wore. Back to normal, huh ? Couldn’t stay away too long.

“Nah, I’m a busy gal ! Gotta get goin’ as well. I’ll catch ya later.”

“Oh, well…” Was that sadness ? Yes, maybe she’d have liked to talk to her some time, at the shop. But if she was busy, then… “Talk to you soon.”

Anya waved, blew her a kiss and then… ran away. And Berta watched her, frankly smitten. What a goddamn rowdy… cutie.

|Text| to: she alt deleted my ovaries

> hey> pretty girl here

|Text| to: pretty girl

> oh hey.> how do you spell yr name ?

|Text| to: she alt deleted my ovaries

> howevs u want idc> yknow if i didnt have no decency id have said such bs> like huge

|Text| to: pretty girl

> like ?

|Text| to: she alt deleted my ovaries

> crush me w ur arms

|Text| to: pretty girl

> oh my god> shut up> or i will

|Text| to: she alt deleted my ovaries

> pls do> >:3c

|Text| to: pretty girl

> you’re impossible

|Text | to: she alt deleted my ovaries

> ur used to it now suck it up> im even funnier thru text> i send memes> n shit> hey?> also> cats have three lips

|Text| to: pretty girl

> hey you know wht maybe u should sleep !

|Text| to: she alt deleted my ovaries and my heart

> lol maybe!!!!> wish me gn

|Text| to: pretty girl

> goodnight. dont dream of people crushing you

|Text| to: she alt deleted my ovaries and my heart

> hdskjdghsdh> ill update u on that

Tag list:@well-the-kids-do-too@racetrackcook@i-got-personality@imjusttheoutgoingsidekick@thatfancyclam@we-dont-sell-papes@ben-cook-can-cook@not-your-cigar@nverkept@jackhasdreams@racescoronas@suddenly-im-respecsable@purplelittlepup@hopeful-broadwaybaby@broadwayandbookblog@crazymecjc@maiawakening@awwwwwwdang@albertdasillva@daveys-pet-snake@be-more-chill-evan-hansen

[eirikrjs]

What's your writing process like? You're so eloquent (even when answering tumblr asks ... the serious replies, anyway) and it's inspiring me to get to that level.

Awesome, I’m happy and flattered to be an inspiration! Never had my writing described as “eloquent,” so thanks for that! :)

So, I typically write for three different formats, each with its own approach but with some commonalities.

#1: Tumblr posts

Answering Tumblr asks first and foremost always starts with the good intentions to actually delve into the ask backlog. In reality, this almost never happens and I default to the first page in my inbox. It’s not technically writing but choosing asks is key to this whole process. I love ones I can answer in a sentence (or image) or two but many involve taking the time to research or fact-check. I like those too, but if they require too much of an involved effort they are more likely to go unanswered, as I only have so much time. Lately I’ve only been able to do Tumblr stuff after 11PM EST. Though I want to put much of the blame on Tumblr itself because if there was a way to tag or favorite certain asks for later (and save drafts of ask replies), I’d get a lot more done. But hey, it’s a site made mostly for sharing images, so what can you expect?

Ask frequency varies but since this is perceived as a Shin Megami Tensei blog, activity naturally increases around the time of new SMT releases, where I can get 10 or so asks a day, especially if I’m active that particular day. Since we’re in the middle of an SMT drought, activity has really dried up. I still try to answer an average of three per day.

As for my actual writing and style, I personally perceive myself as a slow writer. I believe this is so because in real life I tend towards being a perfectionist with most things I do. I proofread an average length post of 2-3 paragraphs at least three or four times. One of those average length posts will take me about 20-30 minutes to write, more if there are images involved.

Another self-perception is a preference for direct language and communication. That’s why I was surprised you called my writing “eloquent,” as I like to be straightforward and succinct, workmanlike. That said, I also am sometimes frustrated that my English lexicon isn’t grander than it is, so I often use a thesaurus to brush up. But it’s never about interjecting superfluous flair or purple prose but instead the right word that could stand in for three or four others and create better sentence flow.

#2 Long-form articles

Many of the articles I’ve written grew naturally out of Tumblr posts and asks to lengths that would be inappropriate for the Tumblr format, compounded with the problem of Tumblr’s limited (read: single option) image formatting.

When I start work on long articles, I usually go analog and write outlines and other notes in a notebook. Being away from a screen and listening to music helps stimulate my brain. Music is especially important but mostly for #3, below.

After jotting down what I plan to achieve, I often jump right in to Word or Google Docs and start writing the real text for whatever my head wants to spill at that particular moment. However, I burn out quickly here because, more often than not, I like to have properly cited sources to back up my claims and, like the Tumblr asks, researching can take a while! It’s not just about finding sources and pasting in the right quotes but understanding their context and ensuring they are used appropriately in support of an argument. It’s like every college paper I ever did, only I’ve actually cared about these!

Revision is key, as is being willing to trim dead branches. For example, from initial concept to publication, it took me around 10 months to finish all three parts of SMT’s Identity Crisis. Within about three months I had an article that was about 70% "finished,” but it was meandering and amateurish. It had a clear thesis but an inconsistent voice. It was difficult to do but I wrote a new draft that cut out much I previously thought important. It was the right call, the new draft, the current text, was clearer and better delineated. Subsequent articles have logically taken less time to write as I’ve gained experience with the format, all but the Odin one this past summer; it took me almost a year after I kept piling on new ideas, observations, and the silly notion to simultaneously reveal a website and a long-secret project.

All the same vocab and proofreading rules from #1 still apply, though scaled appropriately. I must have read the finalized Identity Crisis a few dozen times before it was published--and I still found typos much later, to my chagrin!

I treat article images as levity providers, something I hope helps retain reader interest throughout what are often lengthy documents. This is influenced by the humorous alt texts often employed by defunct gaming site The GIA, an outfit that probably made the biggest single impact on my games writing. Andrew Vestal’s Vagrant Story review not only convinced me to play the game, likely my favorite ever, for the longest time I considered it the standard for a game review. When I wrote the Vagrant Story piece for Hardcore Gaming 101, I deliberately included images similar to those of the Vestal review and alt texts (which HG101 typically didn’t or doesn’t use) as tribute.

#3 Creative stuff

I rarely talk about my original creations, if ever (I mean, talk about defunct sites--but I promise it won’t always be that way), but they do exist! I’ve been writing creatively since I was 11. Much of it bad, but that’s okay! (You’ll never see that stuff!)

We’re all influenced by the media we consume and I’m no different. For me this most plainly manifests through music, historically mostly video game soundtracks. In the past I would listen separately to soundtracks from games I already knew front and back to absorb the tone and mood of the music, which I’d then turn into various ideas (still mostly in notebooks, though that’s changing). For the longest time I thought listening to instrumental music was the key to promoting pure, imaginative ideas, but since Wisdom Eternal: 1973 is technically a period piece I’ve been listening to classic rock and having just as much luck inspiring the old noggin. It also helps that ‘70s rock influenced most of the game music I like!

The previous point made me realize something: when I criticize modern SMT, for example, I’ve also been unconsciously making the statement “I don’t want this to influence me.” Though, ironically, acknowledging those flaws has been hugely influential on how NOT to approach certain things. “We are what we eat,” and that equally applies to consumed media. Some of my older creative works that I now deem to be bad were the result of a limited pool of influences, mostly JRPGs. Very much akin to light novel-caliber writing and concepts, which are often similarly criticized for their extremely narrow range of influences too often focused on literal conflict and not empathetic, realistic characterization.

This post has been going on for a while, but one last thing I’ll say about my creative writing is just how slow the process can be. It’s slower than writing a research-heavy article, just because the idea or two you need to link certain plot threads can’t always be forced out of your brain. In my case, namely the subject of mythology and religion in a narrative, it’s not just writer’s block, it’s about being well-read enough to know (Y) about a particular culture in order to solve (X) narrative problem. Ya gotta read and you gotta read the right stuff, though what the right stuff is will of course vary depending on your own goals.

This was a fun ask that took me just over 2 hours to write, so I hope it’s helpful for you! Honestly, I could have said more but enough’s enough. That said, in the past I’ve tried adopting other writers’ processes to help my own only to find I couldn’t harmonize with their methods. But it’s something you’ll only find out as you write more and better understand what methods are comfortable for you. I can attest, that can take many years. Good luck!

[mannentilminkardemomme]

Dear Mutuals,

This gif set is for you.

I haven’t been online since Friday 23rd, which is quite poopy of me, since I haven’t answered your kind messages and reblogged your posts, which I really enjoy doing. I’ve had a self-induced SKAM hiatus. I feel really happy when I see a fellow mutual post a gif set, text post or a piece of art they’ve created for this wonderful SKAMily. I’ve just been in my emo state and closed myself off from tumblr and the world of SKAM (which you can see from my unupdated blog). I didn’t know how the reaction of it all ending would be here on tumblr, and since my cat has started to refuse being a cuddly ball of fluff in which I bury all my tears in, I didn’t have anyone to be around with physically (except for my cat and horse, but they don’t really understand when I go all emo on them) to help solve my many personal emotions that were raised with the last clip and all of the seasons of SKAM. But I’ve revived myself, and can see myself staying here on tumblr until the foreseeable future. I’ve made too many friends to just shut myself from tumblr for much longer, and I’d really like to continue being in touch with you all.

This gif set is each clip that Evak kissed<3 Sorry for not being online, sorry sorry sorry.

@br1skeby Faen Johanne, min Guru. I hope you know what you mean to me, so I’ll spare you a huuuugee multi-chapter piece of writing to show that (unless if you need a sudden boost of happiness, then dm me and I’ll be on it like a car bonnet)<3 Your writing metaphorically kills me each time you drop a new bomb ass chapter. I’m really happy I’m able to fangirl with you, be it over Evak, Yousana or Levi ;)

@beanievaltersen Hehe :3 As long as you’re happy with your new mattress, Evak and I am happy too :D  You must know what you mean to me too, but we need to revive our crazy theories about what all the Skam Squads are up to! Also, it’s an absolute honour to beta-read your artistry works!! kdjfakd I have no chill about how much I love it!!!

@du-er-ikkealene Elise, you will forever be my soup-bro :D (I really hope you remember why I’mma call you that, if not, I’ll remind you!) Taakk tak tak tak for introducing me to Kensington! They, and you, have inspired me to make cool gif sets of their beautiful, meaningful lyrics, and you will also forever continue to put me in awe of all the various, creative names you make up for Noorhelm :P  (Plus, ily)

@isakschili I’m now listening to Kent on a daily basis, thanks to you, crazy Swedish music-loving girl :*  And you neeeeeed to drop the second chapter of your fic ASAP!! You can’t just leave me hanging on an ending like that-- you’ll end up making me even more mad for your fic than I already am ;)  And, in my lil head, you’re my musician buddy! Once a musician buddy, always a musician buddy.

@julieseven Daaayyyyyaamnnnnnn Sue. You must also already know what you mean to me. But seriously tho... If you don’t, then open whatsapp later tonight, and you’ll find out fo sure then.

@levok I’m on the countdown for roasting the new US Skam with you! That’s the only reason as to why I’m probably going to watch it!! And you have contributed to me writing better Danish and thinking outside the box in regards to theories and all, which is really ace! Tak, tak tak tak!! And you’re a bloody wonderful person to talk to! You never fail to make me snort air out of my nose, which basically counts as a laugh.

@prinsenimittliv Tenna I promise I’m going to write that headcanon for you! I feel really bad that I’ve left it so long, but it’s given me more time to think about different angles I can take it from<3 For every beautiful piece of art you create, I will in return write you especially a headcanon! Alt for dig, girl! Plus, dayyYYYAAAmmmMMMMmmmmm your haircut looks hella fine! :*

@chillerhjemmeisak I keep on saying it, and I’ll say it again: GOOD LUCK ON YOUR A-LEVELS!!!! :D  I promise you that with the power of The Biology Buddies, you will ace them! And that’s a promise! In an AU, we’re running around London in crazy Chris-inspired outfits.

@loooreleii Heyyy youu<3 I also hope you know how kind and sweet and funny and just all the lovely adjectives you are. Your artwork kills me (metaphorically) everytime! I’m so grateful that you share it with us<3  I really would like to keep in touch with you, also so that I can update you with how my new life in Germany will be (Update: I’VE FOUND A FAMILY TO LIVE WITH!!! IN STUTTGART, well not in Stuttgart, in a little town outside of it, but still!) Ich liebe dich<3  Plus, I’m buzzing with all sorts of ideas for the 5 different kisses drabble idea you gave me! Can’t wait to write it for you!

@asflowerpot1 You were the first person I spoke to on this crazy site! If you hadn’t reached out to me so that we could fangirl together, I probably would’ve stayed alone and quite in my own lil fangirl bubble :)  I love how we can literally feel each other’s emotions through the use of caps lock and I just really connect with you! I look forward to continuing our crazy long messages and emo feels together!<3

@eivseank Diana, promise that you’ll remember this: Du. Er. Ikke. Alene. I will be there for you to share our happiness between us, and our sad times. Because that’s what friends do. Please, please remember that<3  I love our long messages about travelling the world and eating 100% cocoa chocolate! :P  Make sure to sleep really well this summer, and to eat loads of ice-cream!!

@isaksredscarf Gael, you da BOMB!.com  Thank you again, endlessly for bringing me into the skamfwn- it’s really boosted my confidence in writing, and everytime I published some little drabble, I always knew I could count on you to tell me how it was!<3 I’ve got an AO3 now, where I’m called tacha_bacha because I thought ‘mannentilminkardemomme’ would be quite long :P  so, yay! This past week I’ve been slowly easing my way back into the wonderful, glorious SKAM world by reading and writing fic, which has definitely lifted my m00d by 110%, no doubt about it. Say ‘hi’ to your fuffy, adorable cat!

@sweetevak Ayo Emotional Overload, let’s keep sending dank memes of Honk vs. Cat in sunglasses :D  Also, I’ll literally never let you forget that you were the one to get me into writing!! You’re a godess! (At least, you’re my writing godess). I miss when you’d send seriously cute lil headcanons of Evak- they were pure and sweet, and just what every single hc in this crazy world should be made of<3

I’m going on holiday to The Motherland (aka. Denmark) this Tuesday for 11 days with my friend who has never been, and I’m not bringing my laptop, so writing any drabble will be harder on my phone, but I will do it for you all!! Because I love writing for you and seeing your sweet reactions in the tags and comments. I’m also bringing a notepad along, so there will definitely be a lot of inspiration coming to me! I’ve already started thinking about writing an AU -whaaaaaaattt???? This is new territory for me, but I’m so excited to be doing it with all of you, both my beautiful mutuals and followers (AND BEAUTIFUL ANON, IF YOU’RE READING THIS THEN REMEMBER THAT YOU PHYSICALLY AND LITERALLY MAKE ME SMILE!!!!! WHICH IS ONE OF THE BEST EFFECTS ONE CAN HAVE ON A PERSON!)

Jeg elsker dere alle! Have a wonderful summer. I really look forward to reblogging EVERYTHING I see! *sends an infinite amount of kisses*

Love from,

Natacha :o)

[peterjonesparker]

i got tagged by @spideyxchelle. which, i’m not gonna lie, i freaked out because i’m totally obsessed with their headcanons.

rules: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people.

I tag: @accioharry, @bellamywarriorblake, @happilyminiaturetastemaker, @jugghead-jonez, @raejustrae, @restinlinguine, @transpeter, @tomhollandcouk, @leslipigeonoficial, @geniusparker, @parkrpeters, @peterprakers, @captainkirkk, @cassianscamanders, @perhalta, @khaleesinthenorth, @casuallywhatever, @wreenbiinee, @dorkynikki, @emmalozzy

the last

1. drink: a mixture of root beer and cream soda because i went to dinner with my dad and they had fancy soda things.

2. phone call: my mom! she wanted to see if her phone was working so she called me to check.

3. text message: my sister, to tell her that she isn’t funny. which is a lie, because she’s very funny.

4. song you listened to: in cold blood by alt-j. i’m making peter parker and michelle jones playlists because i am trash for spiderman: homecoming. that song is for peter’s!

5. time you cried: goodness. uh, i cried about a week ago i think? last thursday was a tough day haha.

6. dated someone twice: lol, no.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: most definitely.

8. been cheated on: nope!

9. lost someone special: yes. in more ways than one.

10. been depressed: i’m honestly not really sure. i had a really tough time for a bit in high school and this past year was really tough on me. but i’m not sure if what i went through can be classified as depression.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: unfortunately. but i’ve only ever been hung over twice so it was really a fluke accident.

3 favourite colours

12. green

13. blue

14. brown? i’ve never had to choose a third favorite color, but i’m a really big fan of earthy colors.

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: yes!

16. fallen out of love: nope!

17. laughed until you cried: i’m sure i have, i just can’t remember exactly.

18. found out someone was talking about you: i’m not sure the context of this question, but fun story: once i was at the dining hall and my roommate from my first year in college was talking about me. “i really like having my own room. don’t get my wrong. i loved living with sarah. she was the best.” and i looked at her friend and laughed and she turned around and was like, oh wow! hello!

19. met someone who changed you: i’ve definitely met people who have made me question the way i think about things and decisions i’ve made, but i think, honestly, this past summer i’ve kind of had to reverse changes i think? like, i think some of my friends changed the way i did things, but i don’t think it was for the best.

20. found out who your friends are: LOL. yes. i’ve had a lot of tough experiences with friendships this year that just put a lot of things into perspective. as i said, this past year was really tough.

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: yes? if that means friends on facebook, then yes.

general

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i’ve met all of them in real life but some only once.

23. do you have any pets: i used to :(

24. do you want to change your name: i really like my name, actually!

25. what did you do for your last birthday: i had a party with my friends! two of my friends and i have birthdays within four days, so we had a joint birthday party. it was like, the most fun party i’ve ever been to. probably because i knew everyone there!

26. what time did you wake up: 6:45. i had an 8 am appointment this morning before work, and traffic is a nightmare!

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: getting into bed? i went to bed around that time, i think.

28. name something you can’t wait for: retirement? but something sooner: my sister is getting back from a study abroad program this sunday! she’s been gone for six weeks, and i’m really excited to see her.

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: this morning. i’m working at home this summer.

31. what are you listening to right now: nothing because my computer is a pile of shit and the speakers just stop working and then sometimes they do and then they just stop again and it’s incredibly frustrating.

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: my mom’s ex boyfriend is named thomas?

33. something that is getting on your nerves: a friend.

34. most visited website: tumblr? probably right now. but ao3 is a close second.

35. hair colour: brown

36. long or short hair: shoulder length?

37. do you have a crush on someone: i don’t think so. you’d think i would know, but it’s complicated haha. but i’m pretty sure i don’t.

38. what do you like about yourself: i think of myself as a kind person. i also think i’m fairly smart, so i like that about myself, too.

39. piercings: none! i’m really scared of needles, lol.

40. blood type: o positive, i think? pretty sure it’s some lame blood type that only receives other blood types that are the same. but i’m not the super rare o blood type (i think negative?) that can ONLY receive o negative. but i’m also not AB positive which will accept literally ANY BLOOD. i’m also not bitter. clearly.

41. nickname: my boss at school is also named sarah so one of my coworkers calls me sarah junior.

42. relationship status: single, lol. i don’t have that kind of time.

43. zodiac: aquarius!

44. pronouns: she/her

45. favourite tv show: oof. i really like brooklyn nine nine. shadowhunters is entertaining. the 100 was like, my favorite for a while, but i’m peeved at how jason has treated the characters, so less so now.

46. tattoos: again, scared of needles haha.

47. right or left handed: right

48. surgery: fortunately, no.

50. sport: currently? nah. though i do intramurals in college. but i used to play basketball and i used to surf. i also used to do gymnastics and play tennis and golf. lol, i’ve been all over the place.

51. vacation: i visited my aunt in texas this summer! i also went to joshua tree with my friend, so that was super cool.

52. pair of trainers: uh, i have two pairs of shoes that i wear pretty regularly. but one of them is more like, an oxford type shoe?

GENERAL

53. eating: just got dinner at a sandwich place with my dad.

54. drinking: water. i really like water a lot.

55. I’m about to: go to the gym! i like going on the ellipticals because it makes me feel like a 40 year old mom and that is my aesthetic™. but also i haven’t worked out in a long time and i injured my foot really badly like three months ago and it’s still recovering. so it’s nice to be able to be active sometimes.

56. waiting for: my phone to charge so i can play some hype music while i ascend into my true form as a 40 year old mom.

57. want: my foot to heal so i don’t have to limp around when i sit for too long or do my exercises for 30 minutes every day -_-

58. get married: if i find the right person, yeah, i think so. i like the idea of having a companion to share things with.

59. career: currently i’m in school, but in the future? i’m probably going to end up going to medical school and becoming a doctor, but part of me would love to be able to work in the film industry as like a screenwriter or something. or be an author.

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: hugs

61. lips or eyes: oof. eyes, i think.

62. shorter or taller: probably taller? i’m fairly short, so shorter than me would be less common i think? though, there are girls shorter than me...so maybe. hmmm. i’ll just say taller because generally i’ve been attracted to taller people.

63. older or younger: older. though i think i have like a bubble around my age i think would be okay. but not too much younger. i’m not that old myself.

64. nice arms or nice stomach: arms

65. hookup or relationship: relationship

66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant? idk, i’m probably hesitant so maybe i’m just projecting.

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: yes and it was not fun. drunk people do not kiss very well.

68. drank hard liquor: lol, yes.

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: don’t wear them.

70. turned someone down: yes.

71. sex on the first date: nah, i don’t think that’s for me. honestly, kind of scared of physical intimacy.

73. had your heart broken: don’t think so.

74. been arrested: nah.

75. cried when someone died: yes.

76. fallen for a friend: lol, literally just @me right now. yes. it was very sad and i don’t think i was given the best advice/comfort in regard to those feelings. it was a weird time.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: sometimes!

78. miracles: i believe in fate, i think.

79. love at first sight: probably not, haha.

80. santa claus: nah, figured that one out fairly quickly.

81. kiss on the first date: probably not? i’ve never been on a date soooo...

82. angels: hmmmm, maybe. i don’t know. probably not like...christian bible kind of angels. but again, i think i believe in something in the universe guiding things. idk man, it’s weird.

OTHER:

84. eye colour: brown! described as both poop and chocolate, lol.

85. favourite movie: pride and prejudice. every time i watch it, it makes me so happy. and it’s just...stunning.

[scifiphan]

92 Things About Me

tysm @sleepwalkerphan  for tagging me in this! it’s 2am and I’m procrastinating the heck out of writing so this is perfect lmao.

also I’ll put most of the things below the cut so keep reading if ya wanna know 92 fun facts about me

edit: this took me almost an hour to do and towards the end, I basically confess my entire life so have fun reading that lmao. like i seriously have a realisation about how idk what i’m doing with my life hahahaha

THE LAST..

1. Drink : Water #stayhydrated 2. Phone call : mum 3. Text Message : a gif of phil being scared in bed (even my irl friends are trash) 4. Song You Listened To : currently listening to Taro - alt-J 5. Time You Cried : On sunday I cried over a renovation reality tv show (??? yeah idk either, bro) the apartments just looked so nice and the team I liked got kicked off the show.

HAVE YOU EVER..

6. Dated Someone Twice : nope 7. Been Cheated On : nope 8. Kissed Someone And Regretted It : YES (smh @ me) 9. Lost Someone Special : thankfully no 10. Been Depressed : i honestly don’t know. i think I have but am so freaking stubborn at admitting I have had depressive episodes in the past 11. Got Drunk And Thrown Up : YES OH MY GOODNESS I HAVE HAD SO MANY BAD TIMES. DON’T DRINK WINE AND THEN A MILKSHAKE AND THEN DANCE ON A BEACH. YOU WILL ONLY END UP THROWING UP IN A GARBAGE BIN OUTSIDE A KEBAB STORE (it wasn’t even after midnight, that’s the most embarrassing thing) 

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS :

12. Green 13. Pink 14. Turquoise

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU..

15. Made New Friends : yes!! so many new and amazing friends 16. Fallen Out Of Love : nope. 17. Laughed Until You Cried : laughing until I cry is me every time 18. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You : yes (you would think that adults would stop teen behaviours lol) 19. Met Someone Who Changed You : yes, the last year included so much change. 20. Found Out Who Your True Friends Are : Yes. Just gonna put it out there: traveling for an extensive period of time overseas really shows who your true friends are and who are the snakes. 21. Kissed Someone On Your Facebook List : hahahaha yes (too mant rip) 22.How Many Of Your Facebook Friends Do You Know In Real Life :  probably almost all of them (so like 550) only a few on there are my internet friends 23. Do You Have Any Pets : nope and I probs wont get another pet for a long long time 24. Do You Want To Change Your Name : NO!!!!!!! Teddii is a blessing although I would change my last name (it’s two surnames joined together and it makes life difficult because it’s so long) 25. What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday : went out for dinner at a mexican place, won a few dollars on the pokies and then went out clubbing (also i got a fine rip me) 26. What Time Did You Wake Up This Morning: 11am OOPS (i slept in and missed uni) 27. What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night : probably making a gif 28. Name Something You Cannot Wait For : FINISHING UNI AND MOVING TO THE UK (hopefully to do my masters in global terrorism at the uni of london but if not i really wanna get a 1 year working visa and just do some hospitality work before I start a career) 29. When Was The Last Time You Saw Your Mother : like 4 hours ago when we were watching tv 30. What Is One Thing You Could Change About Your Life : I wish I had a UK passport, it would make life a lot easier for me if I had dual citizenship instead of a boring Australian passport 31. What Are You Listening To Right Now : alt-J, a live performance of Taro  32. Have You Ever Talked To A Person Named Tom : I know so many Tom’s it’s ridiculous 33. Something That Is Getting On Your Nerves : PEOPLE!!! WHO!! THINK!! THAT!! IF YOUR DEGREE!! ISN’T STEM!! THEN IT ISN’T!! HARD!!!! (i’m looking @ every friend who does a stem degree and always laughs at how my degree must be so easy because it doesn’t include math)

34. Most Visited Websites : tumblr, youtube, my uni’s website, facebook 35. Elementary : v great time, got bullied heaps but still had fun 36. High School : problematic fave. honestly my time at high school can fill a 500 page essay. being right next to a beach and river was actually gr8, the endless issues weren’t so good. 37. College/University : it has been a wild ride. I swapped degrees so I still have around 2 years left but uni has been my fave so far 38. Hair Colour : PINK!!!! (naturally ginger) 39. Long or Short Hair : long 40. Do You Have A Crush On Someone : nope (which is a shocker) 41. What Do You Like About Yourself : I like my individuality and independance 42. Piercings : 2x lobes, 1x helix, 1x nose. (i’m thinkng about getting my conch in a few weeks) 43. Blood Type : O+ 44. Nickname : ted, teddii bear, sideshow bob, cotton candy 45. Relationship Status : hella single 46. Zodiac Sign : Cancer (aka my birthday is soon hell yeah) 47. Pronouns : she/her. 48. Favourite Tv Show : STAR TREK: VOYAGER WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVOURITE 49. Tattoos : crescent moon on my right wrist (i sorta don’t like how it turned out but after a year I have grown to appreciate the meaning) 50. Right Or Left Hand : Left handed (aka another reason why Dan is my spirit animal)

FIRST..

51. Surgery : i got a bunch of teeth removed when I was like 4/5  52. Word : baba or ma  53. Sport : soccer  54. Vacation : i actually can’t remember my first vacation. probs Sydney tbh idk I went a lot of places when I was young 55. Pair Of Trainers : probably something Adidas tbh

WHAT ARE YOU..

56. Eating : nothing 57. Drinking : water 58. Reading : nothing at the moment besides uni textbooks 59. I’m About To : I should say sleep but I’ll probably just watch youtube 60. Listening To : Breezeblocks by alt-J (can you see a recurring theme with my music questions?) 61. Waiting For : GoT SEASON 7 AKA MY BIRTHDAY (honestly feel so blessed to grow older and watch new GoT on the same day) 62. Craving For : MONEYYYYYYY. ya girl is unemployed thanks to the bad habit of planning last minute overseas holidays 63. Do you wanna get married : eventually but at the same time it doesn’t worry me 64. Going To Do When You Get Older : ????? ?????? ????? you would think I would have an idea but tbh idk. I’m studying International Relations and I want to do a postgrad in global terrorism. But career wise I have no bloody idea. I would like to work in the UN or UNESCO or for the Australian Government in an embassy. but at the same time I also want to be a travel photographer and just ignore my degree (idk adult life is hard)

YOUR TYPE..

65. Hugs or Kisses : HUGS 66. Lips or Eyes : eyes! <3333 67. Short or Tall : tall guys!!! but short girls are my weakness!! 68. Young or Old : HA haHA HA old 69. Nice Arms Or Nice Stomach : slight preference for nice arms because tummys are cute no matter what 70. Sensitive or Loud : I am both of those things so, por que no las dos? 71. Hook Up or Relationship : relationship (although I can’t relate because i am eternally single) 72. Troublemaker or Hesitant : I prefer when people are upfront instead of hiding stuff from me so I guess that means troublemaker?

HAVE YOU EVER..

73. Kissed A Stranger : yes 74. Drank Hard Liquor : yes (love me some vodka) 75. Lost Eye glasses or contact lenses : not yet thankfully 76. Turned Someone Down : YES! (there is nothing wrong with turning people down.) 77. Sex On First Date : no 78. Broken Someone’s Heart : yes and I still feel bad 79. Had Your Heart Broken : yep 80. Been Arrested : yes (kind of, long story) 81. Cried When Someone Died : yes. although I tend to go more numb instead of crying. idk it’s weird because I cry about everything but death kinda makes me become numb 82. Fallen For A Friend : yes (oops)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN..

83. In Yourself : yes although I need to believe in myself a lot more 84. Miracles : yes 85. Love At First Sight : yes and no. I believe it exists but I feel like a lot of people believe that they are experiencing love at first sight when in reality it is infatuation/lust. 86. Santa Claus : this question conflicts me because the logical side of me says no but the optimistic child side of me refuses to accept the truth 87. Kiss On The First Date : yeah 88. Angels : nah, not for me

OTHER..

89. Current best friend’s name : do i have a best friend? not really. again, it’s a weird time for me when it comes to friends. 90. Eye Colour : um blue with green and grey mixed in (it’s so hard to describe but yeah, those three) 91. Favourite singer/Band : Ed Sheeran, Mumford & Sons, al-J (i love them all a lot.) 92. Favourite Movie : Avatar. yes the blue alien one. It’s lame but I fell in love with the na’vi culture and it kinda helped get me obsessed with scifi.

And that’s a wrap!

If anyone actually read all that I hope you enjoyed my (very) late night confessions. Idk who to tag so if you see this and want to do it feel free to do so! Also, come hit up my inbox/messages if you wanna be my friend after reading this, I wanna make some friends on this hellsite

[kpopyourcherryy]

3 Years (A) - Alt. pt.2

Genre: angst

Length: 2,800+ words

TW: THIS WILL CONTAIN ABUSIVE LANGUAGE/BEHAVIOR, SO IF YOU’RE SENSITIVE TO THAT PLEASE CLICK AWAY!!

{y/l/n = your last name} 

It had been a month, or more, since that horribly embarrassing incident. Luckily, nothing at all had changed though. Everyone still treated you normally, and things between Yoongi and you were the best they had ever been.

After spending a long night out with Yoongi and the boys, you went home alone since they had a long day ahead of them tomorrow, and were comfortably sleeping in your bed…Well, that is until you were suddenly awoken by this ferocious spell of nausea.

You didn’t even bother to look at the time; covering your mouth, you zoomed to your conjoining restroom. Instantly vomiting your guts out the moment you got to the toilet.

After what felt like hours the puking finally stopped, tears trickled down your cheeks as the exhaustion and stomach pain hit you like a bullet. “Wh- What the fuucckk?” You weakly whimpered to yourself, purposely elongating your words as you knelt in front of the toilet.

Nothing you had eaten was out of the ordinary- just some pizza and fried chicken. Maybe the chicken was undercooked? No, if it was the other’s would’ve already have messaged me if they had gotten sick too.

No one had any drinks tonight at all either; just soda. So it can’t be a hangover or something like that…

Your thoughts began to wander as you tried to pinpoint exactly what could be causing this horrid amount of nausea, but you couldn’t think of anything- nothing at all.

As you continues to think hard about every little thing you did, the sudden puking snapped you right back into the misery of your current reality. Once again it stopped and more tears streamed down your cheeks, “God… I hate vomiting..” You hoarsely whined, wiping the remaining tears away. “Why me..?” You huffed.

You stayed there, hunched over the toilet, for a little while longer- luckily for you it stopped and your stomach felt at ease. Wiping your eyes, you stood; walking over to the sink you wash up then immediately went back to bed.

“What time is it?” You asked yourself, sitting on the edge as your grabbed your phone from the little mahogany table at your bedside.

Immediately, a frustrated, whiny groaned flowed out of you. The time; 5:30am, lighting your screen. “Fuck.” You shouted, throwing yourself back onto your bed.

This was about the time the boys were supposed to be up, since they were leaving early in the morning. You brought the phone up to your face, automatically dialing up your boyfriend.

The phone rang twice before he picked up, “Good morning baby.” He said in his raspy, sleepy voice. “What are you doing up so early?”

You sniffled, slightly over playing how icky you were feeling. “I woke up sick babe.. It was horrible.”

“Oh no baby girl, I wish I could go take care you..” He replied in this worried yet soothing tone, “What are you sick with? A cold?”

Shaking your head through the phone, you explained how nauseous you were and how sore your stomach was now.

“Aish…” Yoongi said, his voice filled to the brim with genuine concern. “Go to the doctor today okay?” He stated, even though he made it sound like a question you knew it wasn’t.

You automatically pouted- your hatred of going to the doctors alone and having to adult almost enough for you to tell him no right then and there, but you knew either way you’d have to go in the end so there was no use in trying to fight it.

A soft sigh escaped your lips, drawing out a heart melting chuckle from your boyfriend. “Okay, okay.” You replied, nodding in defeat. “Even though I hate going, I’ll go- since you asked so nicely.” You giggled, stilling giving him a bit of sass even though you felt awful.

You could almost picture that angelic smile of his, “Good girl.” He cooed, yawning immediately after. “Tell me what they say okay? Oppa has to go now, me and the boys have a long day ahead of ourselves princess.” 

“Ah, alright Oppa..” You replied with a desolate tone,”Siiigghhh..” Purposely sighing audibly just to further prove your distaste for the whole situation. “I guess my love, I love you. Have a good day okay? Eat well and be sure not to over work yourself.” Finishing your sentence with a kissy noise. 

Yoongi’s still sleepy giggle filled your heart with this pure, comforting love. 

God was he adorable.. 

“Jagi, you’re sick and you’re still trying to worry about me?” He teasingly asked, “Don’t okay? I’ll be okay, just go to the doctors and make sure you’re the one that’s okay. I want you all better princess.” 

A beaming smile painted itself across your face as you laid there listening to him talk. Suddenly you could hear Namjoon in that background, “Hyung, get ready. We leave in like 30 minutes.” 

You sighed, knowing you definitely had to hang up now. “I guess I should let you go now. You’ll get in trouble if I don’t.” You sadly chuckled. 

“Yeah, baby..” His soft voice comforting you once again, “I love you with all my heart, mi amor...” The petname automatically drew a giggle out from you, though he barely could pronounce it- you were glad you had been able to teach him that at least, cause god did it cheer you up. 

And with that you two reluctantly hung up, but automatically began texting one another as the two of you got ready for the day. 

7:30 am

You anxiously sat there in the waiting room of the doctors office, filling out paperwork- waiting for a nurse to call you in. 

Once you finished, you checked your phone for any texts from your boyfriend, but there was nothing. Of course you knew he was most likely extremely busy and didn’t have his phone on hand, so you didn’t even bother attempting to message him. 

“Uh, Y/n y/l/n?” The sweet looking nurse called out to you, struggling to pronounce your name. She looked at you apologetically, “I’m sorry for that. Do you speak korean?” 

The moment you nodded, she smiled and lead you over to a small room to take your vitals. 

“So what has brought you in here today?” She asked cheerfully as she took your height and weight. 

After she was done you replied, “Well I had this weird spell of horrible nausea this morning.” You ruffled your fringe as she sat you in a black, faux leather chair to take your blood pressure. “It was only for maybe an hour or two though, maybe three. The only reason why I came was because my boyfriend asked me to.” 

Her eyes widen as a bright smile painted itself across her soft face, “Ah! Do you think you’re pregnant?” She asked boldly. 

Immediately, her question had your stomach sinking at the sheer possibility. “Hmm I don’t know..” You weakly replied. 

“Well, Ms. y/l/n, this question may seem invasive- but do your boyfriend and you have unprotected sex?” She asked, grabbing her clipboard, recording your blood pressure and writing down - what you guessed - was everything the two of you had just been talking about. 

Your face flushed a bright pink, “Uh- well uh-” You stuttered, struggling to respond though you knew she was a professional. “Well yeah..” 

She nodded, jotting down your response, “And when was your last period?” 

Crap

 “Honestly, I don’t really know...” You said softly, your head now filling with worry at the possibility of you being pregnant was a lot more prevalent that you ever originally though; in fact you didn’t consider the fact that pregnancy could be possible. How stupid could you be? 

The sweet nurse softly pat your back, attempting to comfort you as you were in obvious distress now. “Look sweetie, it could just be a stomach bug or something else.” She said, taking your hand and walking you over to a free room. “Don’t stress yourself out, okay? The doctor will be in here to see you in a bit.” 

And with that she was gone. Leaving you alone in the brightly lit, freezing room. You took a seat on top of the white faux leather bed, thinking for what seemed like hours when in reality only about ten minutes passed by. God did you want to call Yoongi. Just hearing his voice would’ve soothed your troubled mind within seconds, but you couldn’t not only because he was busy- but also because you had horrible service here.

Knock knock knock

The sudden noise brought you back to earth, “Hello, Ms. y/l/n?” A middle aged woman asked softly, as she walked in. 

You nodded, “Uh yes ma’am?” 

A soft giggle flowed out of her raspberry stained lips as she realized she had forgotten to introduce herself. “Ah, I apologize.” She said in this highly professional tone, walking over then putting her hand out for you to shake it. 

As you took her hand, you two quickly shook hands. “I’m the doctor who will be seeing you today. My name is Doctor Park HyeJin.” A soft, almost refreshing smile appeared on her face. She retrieved her clip board and a small manila folder with your information in it. “So you’ve come in today, due to some vomiting. Is that correct?”

“Yes, ma’am.” You replied as she began jotting something down.

“Okay, y/n.” She began speaking in this soothing tone, “We’re going to do a few tests on you.. Including a pregnancy test- both a urine and blood test. The blood test will take a couple days before the results come back, but the urine test will be instant. So you’ll know the results of that one today.” She warmly explained, writing down more stuff for the previous nurse you guessed.  

“Ah- Okay..” You stuttered nervously. Was this really happening? Or was this some strange nightmare?

She rubbed your bicep, “Look, we just need to eliminate the possibility. I’m sure everything with be fine.” Another empathetic smiled appeared on her face just as she left the room.

Once again, leaving you alone with your rampant thoughts. 

After what felt like hours, all the tests were over and now you were just there in the room awaiting for Doctor Park to come in with your results.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck..” You repeated to yourself in a hushed tone, Your whole body went cold, practically shaking the entire time as your anxiety became sky high. 

Knock Knock Knock 

Those three knocks made your blood run cold as Doctor Park and the previous, sweet nurse walked in. 

She flipped open your file; which now had the test results in it, “Well, you came back negative for flu and the bugs that have been going around lately.” She clicked her tongue, flipping to another page. “And as for your pregnancy test- the urine one of course..” 

Her sentence trailed off as she seemed to scan through it three or more times over. “As for your pregnancy test..” She softly repeated. “That came back positive.” She jotted down a phone number and name, then handed the small post it note to you. “Congratulations, Ms. y/n. You’re going to be a mom. Here’s a number of an amazing midwife, contact her asap and make an appointment with her.”

The pair stayed there with you as you quietly sat there in utter shock, still trying  to process the news. “Th- Thank you..” You stuttered, finally standing from your seat, “I- I should go now..” 

It was 6:30 pm now. 

You just woke up from your third nap today. You wanted this to be a bad dream. You desperately wanted this to all be some kind of cruel practical joke... but it wasn’t. 

A little person was growing inside your tummy. You were going to be a mom. Your heart seemed to scream with pure joy, but your mind contradicted it. Tears trickled down your face as you finally rose from your spot on the bed. 

Walking over to the large 6 foot mirror you had next too your closet, you lifted your shirt and intently stared as the small tummy you and everyone else failed to notice. So much was explained now that you know why it was all happening; your extreme hunger and fatigue, your emotions being all out of wack. 

As you continued to stare in the mirror, the l.e.d. screen of your phone lit up. You already knew it was Yoongi probably calling for the millionth time, “I gotta tell him..” You repeated to yourself as you made you way over to your bedside table and picked up the phone.

“Hey babygirl, why weren’t you picking up?” Yoongi asked frantically.

“I- I was sleeping..” Your voice was so broken and shaky, tears threatened to well up once more but you tried your absolute hardest to blink them away. 

Yoongi nodded through the phone, “Are you okay? How did the doctors go?” 

“It went well..” You sighed, “I’m okay.. Uh, Yoongi.. Babe I need to tell you something..” 

His heart sank for some reason, automatically assuming the worst, “What!? What is it?? Should the boys and I go over? Should I go alone?” 

A soft yet weak giggle escaped your reddened lips, “No, no there’s no need for that..” You replied, attempting to reassure both him and yourself that you were okay. “Are you alone?” 

“Uh.. Yeah why baby?” 

You swallowed hard, sniffling as you inhaling and exhaling deeply. “I’m pregnant..” 

Though you weren’t there, you could practically see Yoongi’s stunned expression, “H- How?” He asked even though he knew exactly how. 

“All the unprotected sex...” You answered back, “I don’t even remember when the last time I got my period was..” 

“No, no, no..” Yoongi repeated, shaking his head frantically. “No this can’t be happening. I can’t be a dad yet. This has to be a joke. Please tell me you’re joking babe.” 

You sighed, the tears you were desperate to hold back breaking free and steadily falling down your flushed cheeks. “I wish I could.. But it’s true. Im pregnant, Yoongi. We’re going to be parents.” 

He still denied it fully and completely, even though he knew you’d never lie to him especially about something as serious as this. “No. Y/n you must have fucking cheated on me or something.” He said harshly, “You’re just trying to pin someone else’s baby on me.” 

Though he didn’t even believe what he was saying- because he knew damn fucking well you’d never do something like that to him, he still continued saying it. 

You scoffed through your sobbing, tasting the saltiness of your own tears, “Are you fucking kidding me? How could you even accuse me of something like that?” 

“No you were probably hoeing around while I was away. You were probably cheating on me this entire time, and now that you’re pregnant, you’re trying to pin some dead beat’s child on me.” He said in a cold, hushed yet raised tone.

“YOONGI!” You shouted in complete disbelief. “How could you even fucking think that?! You were my first, you fucking know that. And now you want to try to say that I was fucking around behind your back WHEN I NEVER FUCKING WAS???”

“You know what y/n!? You’re a fucking bitch.” He replied, his words like a dagger to your heart. “You’re a fucking slut and everyone fucking knows it. You’re gold digger ass was probably just after my money this entire fucking time. And now you’re trying to blackmail me with some other guys bastard child.” 

You stood there, your mouth hung open as your heart shattered. His words were more than harsh, they were down right murderous. Had he felt this way the entire time you two were together? Did he really think so low of you? “Yoo..Yoongi..” You weakly whimpered, your tears fell faster now.

Truthfully, Yoongi’s heart shattered the moment he heard your broken voice. He had absolutely know idea why he was being so cruel to you- you were the love of his life after all. He knew you never cheated. He knew you were never with him for his money. He knew all this, yet why was he hurting you like this? Why? 

“You know what y/n...” He began, still speaking in that icy tone. “I can’t do this. You’re such a stupid bitch. I can’t- I can’t be with a disgusting whore like you.” 

Hearing him call you such horrible, degrading names- insulting you like this; treating you as if you were nothing to him, broke your heart in ways you never thought possible.

“Lose my number. I want nothing to do with you.” And just like that, he was gone. The phone beeped twice and your screen lit up as the call screen disappeared. 

The moment he hung up, your soul felt as if it left your body. You fell to your knees. Silently crying, tears streaming down your face as if a dam had burst inside your tear ducts.

How could he do such a thing? Didn’t he love you anymore? Questions like this ran through your mind as you stayed there, frozen in place- frozen in time.

….I’m all alone now…. That sentence replaced any questions or thoughts you had. That one sentence repeated itself over and over, torturously reminding you of your cruel reality.

[twisted-petal]

Death Continued: Part 3

([I’m doing a shit-poor job with timelines, trying to compress these stories/rants. The trip was two days after my birthday)]

Here’s the thing: I kept offering to pay for gas and she only accepted half the amount of one tank fill, I handed her my card and told her to use it to feed the parking meter, as well as buy food and any other supplies she needed, and even had my card when she went to pick up my meds, and I repeatedly told her that she could return home on her own and I had plenty to take a bus home. She wouldn’t use my money. She wouldn’t accept my offers. She refused to go home as she wanted to be sure I was taken care of. Suddenly I am at fault for the money she spent on our trip and for missing a day of work. Puppy didn’t even like her there, and was annoyed at how she was “caring” for me. She also bleached his towel with her weird face cream… Knowing we were staying a night there and that her face crap stains fabrics, she didn’t bring her own towel. ¬__¬ I’m just a freak and wanted to share his things and was intentionally a dick by not bringing my towel… But I didn’t bleach anything!

The doctor at the Clinic was irritating enough as is. She insisted that I had good poisoning, despite me repeatedly telling her I hadn’t even eaten anything and that this had happened to me fairly recently. She prescribed me pills for gas (or something, I forget as they didn’t do anything for me) and nausea (which didn’t help at all, unlike the one she gave me in the waiting room that worked immediately). This illness happened to me twice more.

The last time this happened to me was at the end of December, and the landlady said we needed to be out of the house the next day. No other heads up as to when we were moving, and this was at least three months before she had promised our move would be, as well as a month, two months, 3 weeks, 2 weeks, and 3 months after the date she said we would be moving - to name a few.

We fought for the first time since I moved in, she threw a tantrum and tossed things around as I tried to find clarification, express concerns, and, well get pissed that she kept changing the dates and how sudden things were. We chilled, she apologized, and I went to take a shower to relax before packing.

Feeling ill instead of relaxed, I cut my shower short, stepped out and grabbed my towel to dry off, and found myself on the floor (this also has to do with an ordeal that happened in October). I started texting my mother and wasn’t making any sense, so she sent her sister over to check things out. I was on the bathroom floor for almost an hour before finding the strength to stand, slowly pull some clothes on, and apparently go around the corner to my room - I barely remember getting there.

Mother refused to go near the house. She did not like the landlady and she had been to the house a few times in the past, as it was a place people would go to do hard drugs… I had been told by her son that she was clean, didn’t drink anymore, and just smoked weed on occasion. Right. Mother was also finishing a program with whatever place she was in to prove she didn’t have to go to jail or some shit. This was a house she couldn’t enter. -Side story: She graduated and is doing a fair job at adopting. Even though she keeps lying to me and breaking the damn rules I gave her when allowing her to borrow my fucking car. *supaishi* She isn’t even taking me out to drive, as per the stipulations to using my car, which I could really freaken use right now. She is still doing a decent job at keeping up with paying for insurance and her half of the phone bill; Although, she’s been less prompt about it. *deep breath* I am trying to be patient. She’s trying to adult for once and a lot is going on for the both of us. I’m just stressed.

Anyway. My aunt determined that I was having an anxiety attack. Anxiety, panic, stress, whatever it was, it was terrible. I was stuck in bed for almost a week. That being said, we had to be out of the house by 5pm New Years Day, and it was December 29th. No one could/would come help me. I managed a few boxes on my own, and my aunt forgot that she promised to come help before coming in at the last couple hours to help through things out of my room. I tried calling Corey, as he had come by that night to try to be a decent person (we were not together at the time, but it was the best night we had together. I didn’t have to beg to be held or anything. We talked, cuddled, and slept), but he was too busy hanging out with his sister and her friends (as always…). We texted a couple times after that, primarily me trying desperately to believe there was some good in him, then broke all contact between us…

Just a few days after the move I was informed my grandmother finally went to see a doctor. She was diagnosed with bone cancer and emphasima, and an estimate of 6 months to live - She lasted 3. It was guessed that within three months before this, she had lost a sizeable chunk of bone in her hip and ribs. Since being diagnosed, she kept developing more problem, or they would find new things that were wrong. I wasn’t updated with most of it, but what I did know of was the abscess on her lower back/rear, and whatever yeast infection in her mouth (I can’t remember at the moment, though I would update FB each time I got new information), and a urinary infection that was found after I convinced her to go to the hospital - the family couldn’t get her to go, so when I leaned down to hug her before I went back home, I whispered in her ear to go. She knew that when I spoke, I meant what I said; I spoke with purpose, as I don’t speak often.

Shortly after being diagnosed she had an allergic reaction to the Percocet, losing her appetite and barely drinking (which helped form the infection). She was too haunted by memories of her parents and husband to fight on. Mother did not take me to see her during her last week, knowing she was getting worse.

A couple weeks before she passed I moved out of the psycho house to live with an old co-worker and his three housemates. I needed to wait out her place until midnight when he got off work. She got to meet all the critters. Wistala was first as she also lives with some bone loss, and having her sitting on Grams seemed to motivate her to finally eat the food we gave her. Jackness sat with her for about an hour as she kept dozing off while petting him, he would shift when her hand stopped, waking her up to pet him again. He eventually moved up to her lap (he normally doesn’t like sitting on people).

I took a couple picture of her with Wistala and Jack. I’m also not going to go into detail about some of the things that I found out during this time that we a harsh slap to the face of how much I didn’t mean to her compared to other and all this other nonesense, because, well, whatever now… She would, however, take anything I said into consideration and actually listened to me. I was the only one treating her as her, and she knew to listen when I spoke.

Now… I have no real way of easing into this, so I’m just going to throw it in now. This was the vent post I made on my alt account… Which will be in a new post as it is too large. I’ll be sure they’re posted together and just end this one now. Would be nice if I could actually choose the exact time... Once I get everything written up I'll just post them all.

[willreadforbooze]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Hope you all had a safe and drunken New Years’ party! We welcome you to the Year of Our Lord 2020 with open arms. Fuck 2019, here’s to 2020. If you haven’t seen our wrap up and goals, check ’em out.

Linz

Minda

Sam

Ginny (comin’ on Wednesday, I’ll link it when it drops)

Sam’s Updates

Oh. My God. I don’t think I’ve been this tired in a long-ass time. Ginny and I went to MAGFest (Music and Gaming Festival) and it was A BLAST. Board games, video games, arcade games, up until 4 and 5 in the morning. It was great. I am in so much pain lol.

What Sam read this week:

Once & Future by Amy Rose Capetta: This is gender-swapped King Arthur in space. This was so damn good. I sort of expected it to be fluffy and it was NOT. I would die for some of these characters. Drunk Review coming.

What Sam’s currently reading:

Silvered Serpents by Roshani Chokshi: This is the sequel to The Gilded Wolves which Linz reviewed and then so did I because I couldn’t shut up about it. I swear, this book is really good, I’ve just been in a bit of a slump. With the New Year, it’s a New Me (TM).

Ginny’s Updates

Whatsup all? I spent the weekend at MAGfest which means I played a lot of pinball, didn’t sleep nearly enough, and snuck in only a few moments of reading. Also, I think I got like four hours of sleep last night so I’m running at 20% power.

Finished:

Hither Page by Cat Sebastian: This book was cute but I don’t think I enjoyed it as much as the other series Sebastian has written. The mystery was kind of interested but I didn’t find myself involved in the world in the same way that I can be. It was still charming with interesting characters, but I find myself caring more about some of the minor characters that those the action should be centered around. 3.5/5

Darkdawn by Jay Kristoff: This was the third book in the Nevernight trilogy. Mia has grown as a character and this book does some amazing things. Some that I called, many that I didn’t (Sam kept gettings texts going “XXXX is going to happen.” and then fifteen minutes later “nevermind, I was wrong.”) There is a great bit in the middle where Kristoff is clearly making fun of himself, which had me actually laughing. That being said, I find myself frustrated with the ending… 3.75/5

Tears of the Giraffe by Alexander McCall Smith: This is the second book in a series about Mma Ramotswe, Botswana’s first lady detective. I still like the way the world grows through each of the different cases that gets taken on. And the perspectives in this book are stunningly well done. I didn’t enjoy this quite as much as the earlier one, but still, a very  nice book 3.75/5

Currently:

Realm of Ash by Tasha Suri: I absolutely adored Suri’s first book, Empire of Sand after I picked it up at bookcon. This book I preordered and have been dying to read, but I needed to finish Darkdawn first. And now I get to read all about the widow colony. Pumped

Sapphire Flames  by Ilona Andrews: This book is technically the 4th in a series but it’s clear a lot happened between the third and fourth book, and there’s a novella set in between. But if the novella has to be read there needs to be a better way to denote that than naming it 3.5… Nevada’s younger sister Catalina is now the head of their ‘house.’ and is dealing with the murder of a family friend.

Minda’s Updates

T minus 10 days until baby’s due date! CRAZY.

What Minda finished:

The Lager Queen of Minnesota by J. Ryan Stradal – Good read, especially if you’re really into beer! Wasn’t perfect, but I liked the generational story and, again, there were a lot of great beer descriptions. Can’t wait to review.

What Minda is reading now:

Becoming by Michelle Obama – About time I finish this! I let my mom borrow it for awhile and recently got it back.

Dark Age by Pierce Brown – It’s back on my shelf from the library so let’s give it another chance. Second time is a charm?

Linz’s Updates

December sucked so hard, I took two days off this month already just to catch up on life. Still not totally caught up BUT I did get some reading done!

What I read:

The Sins of Lord Lockwood by Meredith Duran: Good ol’ romance novel genre. I dunno, could have had more sex and the conceit is a stretch even by romance novel standards–the night of their arranged marriage, the guy gets kidnapped and held in an Australian penal colony for three years, and then gets out and won’t tell his wife where he was? And neither his wife nor his friends think to look for him when they don’t hear from him?

Mostly Dead Things by Kristin Arnett: Contemporary adult fiction about a kinda poor Florida family’s struggle to cope after the patriarch’s suicide. Excellent secondary narrative about the daughter’s struggle to understand and embrace her sexuality and gender. I did struggle with a lot of the book’s very graphic descriptions of taxidermy. Not a book to read while eating.

Saving Savannah by Tonya Bolden: Historical, middle-grade-ish book about a privileged black teen in DC after the end of WWI. (Thanks to ALA, Bolden, and Bloomsbury to read this ARCH!) LOVED. DC’s black community has a long, rich, and complicated history, and I love how well-researched this book was. The narrative was a little choppy timeline-wise, but highly recommend.

What I’m currently reading:

Wicked As You Wish by Rin Chupeco: Thanks to NetGalley, Chupeco, and Sourcefire books for this ARC! My TBR queue is well and truly fucked this month already; this YA contemporary fantasy/alt-history stars a Filipina-white teen with magic abilities who needs to help save a prince and his kingdom.

Until next time, we main forever drunkenly yours,

Sam, Ginny, Linz, and Minda

Weekly Wrap Up: Dec 30, 2019 – Jan 5 2020 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Hope you all had a safe and drunken New Years' party! We welcome you to the Year of Our Lord 2020 with open arms.

[ratpresenting]

1-100

Unusual asks! 1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify all the way, I have like, 40 playlists and I use it every day2. Is your room messy or clean?So messy, but I clean it up once it really bugs me3. What color are your eyes?Green-ish?4. Do you like your name? why?Not really, it's a really common name and i don't really feel it fits me, but I'm fine with it. My middle name is Elizabeth and I've always wanted to go by Eli but its too far gone now5. What is your relationship status? I'll stick with complicated6. Describe your personality in 3 words or lessFriendly, obnoxious, anxious7. What color hair do you have?Dirty blond8. What kind of car do you drive? color?I don't have a car, but if I'm saving up for one and its going to be a motorcycle, not a car. 📣(I hate everything about cars!!!)9. Where do you shop?Mostly thrift stores and consignment stores10. How would you describe your style?Like, 80s mom meets 90s grunge meets modern goth witch11. Favorite social media accountProbably twitter at this point12. What size bed do you have? Queen 👑13. Any siblings?A half-sister, shes a little older than me though, and she lives across the country, but i love her and miss her!14. If you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?Probably Eastern Canada because my family is super Canadian and i just love it there15. Favorite snapchat filter? Idk any really, I guess that one that makes ur eyes and mouth really big because my friend uses it alot and its so funny!16. Favorite makeup brand(s)Mostly Tarte and Urban Decay; Tarte because I'm allergic to most other shit and Urban Decay because I love the Naked palettes and I will suffer for them17. How many times a week do you shower?I wash my hair every few days but I shower like once a week in the winter and every couple days in the summer18. Favorite tv show?Brooklyn 99 or Game of Thrones19. Shoe size?8-ish20. How tall are you?5'9" if I stand up straight21. Sandals or sneakers? Depends on where I'm going, I like my feet to breathe, but boots and sneakers can be so cool and really put together and outfit22. Do you go to the gym? I have a gym membership that I sometimes use, but not having a vehicle right now is imposing on that23. Describe your dream dateA date that keeps going. Starting with food or drinks or whatever, and having such a good time that you keep it going and you go somewhere else, and another place. Enjoying each others' company so much that you don't want the night to end, even if that means staying up until the sun comes up. It doesn't matter if we're just sitting in a park talking and smoking cigarettes, its that neverending want that matters to me. 24. How much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?Cash, $12. I mostly use my debit card so i don't really carry cash25. What color socks are you wearing? I am not wearing socks right now because I am in bed but usually black26. How many pillows do you sleep with?1 under my head but usually at least 3 in my bed, well as all the shit thats on the left half of my bed27. Do you have a job? what do you do? Yes I work at a restaurant called Tokyo Joe's, I'm the unofficial assistant manager, and I am most often making sushi or taking out food and such.28. How many friends do you have? Including work friends I have 5, not including work I have 3. 29. Whats the worst thing you have ever done? Broke up a couple. Its whole thing.30. Whats your favorite candle scent? This candle I got from Ross, its tobacco leaf and Rose, but I'm more of an incense gal31. 3 favorite boy namesCharlie, Adrian, and Danny32. 3 favorite girl namesEli, Andi, and Dani (These and the last 3 are interchangable because I like genderless names)33. Favorite actor? Idk any off the top of my head, mostly because I kind of hate men, I really like Chadwick Boseman's acting, and I really like Leonardo DiCaprio as a person34. Favorite actress? This is really hard because I love lots of ladies, but acting wise I like Charlize Theron and Natalie Portman I guess? Idk I've seen like 7 movies. I love my gal Kristen Stewart though35. Who is your celebrity crush?I have several, more well known being the aforementioned kstew, and some lesser known names such as Lynn Gunn, Paris Jackson, and Hannah Hart36. Favorite movie? This is so hard, I guess the lotr trilogy because I can always watch that if I want to. I'm really more of a tv show kinda gal37. Do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I used to when I was younger, I stopped when my depression took over pretty much my whole life, but I've been slowly getting back into it. I used to read a lot of teen fiction and my favorite was always Harry Potter, but now my favorite book is probably Through the Looking Glass, just because I loved it as a kid and its a nice nostalgia read, as well as a unique and creative book.38. Money or brains? Always brains.39. Do you have a nickname? what is it? Not really but I wish I did!40. How many times have you been to the hospital?I myself have had to go to the hospital only once that I can remember, ( I crashed my motorcycle) but other than that a few times for visiting family/ friends41. Top 10 favorite songsIn no particular order-Anyone Else, Pvris-Somebody Else, The 1975-In A Week, Hozier-Cherry Wine, Hozier-Pork Soda, Glass Animals-Interlude 1, Alt-J-Agnes, Glass Animals-If I Believe You, The 1975-Obsidian, Trevor Hall-From The Dining Table, Harry Styles42. Do you take any medications daily? I'm supposed to take allergy medicine but I never do so no43. What is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)Kind of on the dry side, I'm a lucky shit though because I barely take care of it and its pretty nice and soft44. What is your biggest fear? Everyone hating me45. How many kids do you want? A couple, adopted only46. Whats your go to hair style?I have pretty short hair thats curly. The sides and back are short and the top is curly, parted on the left,so it hangs just above my right eye47. What type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) Smallish condo with my ma!48. Who is your role model? Hannah Hart!49. What was the last compliment you received?My coworker said I have a very elegant air to me, especially when I tell stories, because I always cross my legs and i talk very extravagantly with my hands50. What was the last text you sent?My coworker Kaylee❤ dropped me off and I let her know I was in my house because you can't see my house from the street and she worries51. How old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?I don't think I ever believed in him?52. What is your dream car? I'm gonna replace car with motorcycle and its an Zero SR ❤53. Opinion on smoking?Unfortunately, I smoke. I love cigarettes! I smoke Newport 100s. I bought a vape to help me smoke less and it definitely helps!54. Do you go to college? Ya, I'm very slowly getting my associates at MCC55. What is your dream job? I have no idea, but something I enjoy doing, and hopefully something that makes changes for the better56. Would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? I truly just want to live in the middle of the woods and be a woodland witch 57. Do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? No, I have too expensive of shampoo for that and thats a stupid waste of plastic.58. Do you have freckles? Not like the classic type, but I have some random ones on my body.59. Do you smile for pictures?Almost always60. How many pictures do you have on your phone? Over 200061. Have you ever peed in the woods? Yes, I've been camping several times62. Do you still watch cartoons? Not really63. Do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?I don't eat chicken nuggets because they are 1. Chicken and 2. Garbage64. Favorite dipping sauce? Balsamic vinegar or Sriracha, depending on what it is. 65. What do you wear to bed? I sleep nakey 66. Have you ever won a spelling bee?Maybe? I don't know67. What are your hobbies?Sometimes reading, sometimes writing, alot of staring at my wall in the dark while listening to music68. Can you draw? Not well, but thats not gonna stop me!69. Do you play an instrument?Nope70. What was the last concert you saw? I haven't been to a concert in a really long time but i think the 1975? 71. Tea or coffee?TeaStarbucks or Dunkin Donuts?72. Dunkin has better coffee but Starbucks has better literally everything else, and the Starbucks next to my work is literally my sanctuary and all the gals that work there are such sweethearts I love them all so much even though they probably hate me.73. Do you want to get married?Someday far from now, and really only for adoption purposes74. What is your crush’s first and last initial?Denied75. Are you going to change your last name when you get married? Idk it depends if their last name is coer than mine76. What color looks best on you? Probably blue but im partial to black77. Do you miss anyone right now? Yes78. Do you sleep with your door open or closed?Closed79. Do you believe in ghosts?Yes!80. What is your biggest pet peeve? Rudeness just to be rude81. last person you calledMy coworker Kaylee❤82. Favorite ice cream flavor? I'm more of a shaved ice or sorbet gal, but i love the Ben and Jerry's line of almond and coconut milk ice creams!83. Regular oreos or golden oreos? Lemon!84. Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? I guess chocolate? Rainbow sprinkles are literally flavorless sugar85. What shirt are you wearing? I was wearing an old '92 Hard Rock Cafe shirt from Hawaii that I snatched from my ma and turned into a crop too86. What is your phone background?My home screen is a golden sunset cloud photo I took a while back and my lockscreen is a picture i took in the woods of a tree with mushrooms growing on it87. Are you outgoing or shy?I am usually shy but I work customer service so if I have to be I can be very outgoing, its so draining though88. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Yes! Please do!89. Do you like your neighbors? I mean, I don't know them but 2 of the 3 smoke weed so they're probably pretty cool!90. Do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?Look it gets washed when it gets washed let's not discuss it91. Have you ever been high? I spent ages 17-19 almost exclusively high. I don't really remember a lot of it92. Have you ever been drunk? Yes, several times. I am a lovey drunk and I love to kiss when I'm drunk. Or cry. Just depends who I'm around93. Last thing you ate? Diced cucumbers with lemon and salt and some white rice with peanut sauce and onions94. Favorite lyrics right now"Where does your body go when I leave you alone?Would your heart know if I met you in a brand new set of bones?Cause you may see me in different bodiesHiding below with the same soul"Same Soul, Pvris95. Summer or winter? Winter, but only because I live in Arizona so winter means like, 70 degrees96. Day or night? I like being out and about at night but there's no where to go because everything is closed97. Dark, milk, or white chocolate? Only dark. Like, at least 80% dark98. Favorite month? I like October, the weather is nice and it has a fun atmosphere, plus Halloween!99. What is your zodiac sign?My Sun sign is Capricorn, but I have an Aquarius Stellium and I kind of identify with that more100. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Technically my cat this morning. I don't do alot of public crying. Lots of private crying though! I'm a big baby of emotions