#they all do but the littlest ones specifically like my stories about gods and those are my favorite kinds to make up and recite

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Fondly thinking about the time the eldest of my little cousins asked me to sew up her shorts for the concert she was going to that night, but because the material was so weird (it was like... pleather or something? idk I'm bad with fabric) it was hard to tell how even things would look when worn, so since she'd run off to go do other things before the concert, I asked her brother to wear them so I could double-check the length. He was a very good sport about it.

[writertitan]

have you eve done the fluff alphabet before? They can be kind of long but I'd love to hear your thoughts on Levi!

this is so cute, i’ve never done a fluff alphabet! this is the one i’ve seen go around by @snk-warriors​ (so cute thank u for sharing)

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I think Levi is the type of partner who starts up a new hobby with a partner as a way of bonding with them. Like, the two of you just get super into candle-making together lmao. I think he’d want to spend most of his free time with his partner, even if it’s just in comfortable silence. He really appreciates feeling safe with his person and relishes in the mundane.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

I’ll say it before and I’ll say it again. Levi doesn’t really have a physical type. He really pays attention to people’s character first. He would really admire how his partner is constantly trying to be their best self, and admires their strength, and he thinks it’s beautiful that they can see the good in life, because it helps him see the good in life too. He would absolutely love the most random parts of your body, though. Maybe it’s your cheekbones, maybe it’s the shape of your hands. Something that he thinks is so unique to you.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Levi is not a man of many words a lot of the time, but he is a man of action. If his partner is feeling down in any way, he’s there physically to help you through it. Over time, he makes little mental notes of what seems to help and what doesn’t, so that he can continue doing the things that help you and stop doing the things that don’t. If you prefer just being held for a while, no talking, he catches on quickly and offers himself up. If you need to talk, he listens and makes sure you know you’re the only thing in the world he’s paying attention to at that moment. He’ll know how you’ve calmed yourself down in the past, before he was in the picture, and takes up that ritual himself. Did you make yourself some mac and cheese to cheer yourself up in the past? He knows the recipe now, too. Very action-based man.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Levi, especially canon Levi, has trouble envisioning any sort of long-term future for himself. He’s just living his life one day at a time and pushing through. However, with a partner in his life, he indulges himself with little visions of the future. Things like marriage, children, are blurry wishes to him tbh, not out of the question but things that he won’t allow himself to indulge in. They’re kind of a given if you’re serious, and that’s enough to satisfy him. But near-future things are things he often thinks about. He wants to live with his partner, wants to think about how they’ll spend their next anniversary, he often thinks about what you both will be doing together for the holidays. Those futures comfort him immensely.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

I think it is actually rather equal with Levi. He has so much baggage of his own, that a partner willing to share the load would make him feel really safe. But, I think he’d subconsciously be more of the dominant figure. He dedicates himself to his loved ones, and would do anything for them, and his partner would feel that tenfold.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Levi definitely is an, “I’m too old for this shit” type of guy when it comes to fights with his partner lmfao. He’s not about the dramatics of fighting. I don’t think he’d really ever yell at his partner or vice versa. The fights would have a snarky energy - I can see him snapping at his partner sometimes, or making an infamous sarcastic remark when he’s irritated - but Levi would honestly rather just discuss the problem bluntly and get it out of the way. But my god, the man wouldn’t back down until it was all cleared up.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

SO GRATEFUL. I think Levi would be so thankful to have his partner in his life. He knows he’s a tough nut to crack, so having someone finally get through to him is scary but wonderful. He sees everything you do for him and I think he’d honestly be so emotional about even the littlest things, because he’s so used to taking care of everyone else. It’s almost uncomfortable for him to know that someone is unconditionally loving him, but he’s grateful he has that love. Never takes it for granted.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Per the above, Levi is a tough nut to crack, and I think it would take a really, really long time to fully open him up. Like, a really long time. Honestly, he may not ever completely open up about his past because it can be so dark, but that doesn’t mean that he would actively keep secrets from you. If anything, his partner would know him the best out of everyone. While he may keep some stuff about his past in the dark, everything else is no secret. He’ll tell you about his day, about what’s going on with his friends, all that good stuff.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

I think Levi with a partner would be a little softer, and a little more optimistic. I also think a big thing that Levi would change would be his ability to compromise (because I think it’s hard for him to compromise). He’d definitely be a lot happier and kinder to himself with a partner around. And, in private, he’d allow himself to be more vulnerable and actually show his emotions. Levi is a pretty level-headed person as well, and I think he would pass that trait on to his partner.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Levi is not a jealous person, but he’s very protective of his partner!! This is the hill I die on!!! He is always looking out for you, so if someone does hit on you, he watches to see how you react. If it’s funny to you, it’s funny to him, but if it’s creepy to you, then he’s already cracking his knuckles.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

I don’t want to roast this lovely man but I don’t think he’d be a great kisser at first LMAO. He’s so not used to being loved. Levi is touch-starved, confirmed on Tanny’s blog. I think the first kiss is okay at best, definitely awkward, and Levi definitely doesn’t really know what to do. He’s a quick learner, though. He’s a good kisser in no time, after learning how you like to be kissed, and after finally getting him to believe it’s okay to be affectionate.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

I picture it as word vomit (Levi’s version of word vomit tho, which is like, a couple of sentences). He’d confess his feelings for you once he just can’t physically keep the words in anymore. He’d definitely fight against it for a while but then the word vomit happens. I think, specifically, his first “I love you” would be quite intimate and very quiet, just a whisper in your ear when he finally realizes it. Realizing he loves you would be much easier for him than realizing he has feelings for you, so he wouldn’t even hesitate with saying it first, the sweet boi.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

I don’t think Levi had ever considered marriage before meeting you. But after meeting you, that would likely change if you wanted to get married. He’d want to spend his life with his partner, and whether that means marriage or not, it doesn’t quite matter to him. Just the promise of being together is good enough for him. If the two of you do decide to get married, it’s no frills. Tbh, there’s no elaborate proposal from Levi, but he makes sure that he formally asks you and that it’s special to the two of you. Maybe he’d ask you at the place you first met/kissed/etc. The marriage itself would be just as lovely and peaceful as the relationship with him beforehand. Not much changes, except both you and Levi acknowledge there’s an added commitment as spouses. I think both of you would really cherish your new titles as spouses.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Levi doesn’t strike me as the type to give their S/O nicknames like babe, baby, etc. but I’m sure he’d have a specific nickname that only he uses for you. Other than that, just calling his partner by their name is enough.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Levi’s quite the stoic man, so while he presents that way to the rest of the world, his loved ones can actually see the difference between an “in love” Levi vs. a “not in love” Levi. It’s not that it’s a huge difference, he’s just softer somehow, and there’s more peace within his eyes, and he even smiles more. Levi’s not a huge fan of PDA, so he’s not prone to showing a lot of affection in front of others. In private, it’s a different story. Once he gets comfortable with affection, he’s more receptive and more giving. In front of others, he’s more comfortable holding hands or putting his hand on your back. He may not be a fan of PDA, but his eyes are on you frequently, and anyone who catches him looking at you can see how much he loves his partner.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Like I said above, not a fan of PDA. Doesn’t mean Levi’s secretive about his relationship at all. He’s proud to have his partner and proud to talk about his partner when the topic comes up. He’d be quite shy/uncomfortable kissing in front of others. Maybe not a fan of kisses on the lips, but he’d be more okay with forehead kisses, cheek kisses, etc.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Levi is so protective over his partner don’t @ me, and it just also means he’s naturally more attentive. He’d notice if your mood changes, he’d notice if something was “off” with you, he’d definitely remember you mentioning wanting something in passing and then gift it for your birthday/Christmas/a random Tuesday like MONTHS later. Memory of an elephant and more tuned into emotions than people give him credit for.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Again, not overtly romantic. Levi is a straightforward person, very practical, and very simple. But he’d give his partner the moon if he could. He believes in making things special, though, so I think he would actually put some thought/creativity in romantic actions rather than going for something cliché.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Oh absolutely. Levi is so supportive of his S/O and is happy to help with achieving any goal. He truly believes you can do whatever you put your mind to. You could lean on Levi for help with anything. He’s not one to make fun of your dreams. He’d just give his best advice and help you get a move on.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Levi definitely prefers routine. He’s a simple man with simple pleasures, and his whole life has been quite unpredictable, so he really loves the simple things in your relationship. Loves your morning routine, your night routine, loves weekly date nights. Of course, he’d enjoy trying new things with his partner, but he legitimately can’t get enough of what other might see as “mundane” parts of a relationship, because he thought he’d never get to experience that.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Levi knows his S/O like the back of his hand. He wants to know everything about them but is also respectful if it takes time for you to open up. He can be empathetic, but it takes time for him to get there tbh. He would be uncomfortable with blatant emotional conversations at first, just give him time. He just wants you to be comfortable with him at the end of the day and vice versa.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Levi’s S/O is so goddamn lucky tbh. He would never, ever take his partner for granted. He’s slow to get the hang of a serious relationship, that’s true, but he’s always trying his hardest to make the relationship be as good as it is. The best part is that Levi doesn’t lose himself in a relationship, however. He values his partner and prioritizes them, but you’d never catch yourself in a codependent relationship with this man. He wants you to be your own person and he wants that for himself, too. You’re one of his most important relationships, if not the most important one, but he understands that you are your own person and he is his own person.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Levi wears a ring with your initials carved on the inside.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

In public, again, not the most blatantly affectionate. In private, he’s more into it. He loves having his arms around you or vice versa. He just likes having the warmth of his partner there, doesn’t need to be something very sexual or very physical.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Levi would be more irritable if he’s without his S/O for some time imo. Have a week long trip you have to go on? He misses you more and more with each passing day, and he gets bitchier with each passing day. He does take it out on everyone else (poor fellas). If he’s not pissy, he’s otherwise quiet and just focuses on his own stuff until he sees you again.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Levi is extremely protective of his S/O and would literally put his life on the line for them. He’s kind of dramatic in that way, but he would rather suffer in your place any day. He would do anything for his partner.

[halloweenhoneylover]

the window

summary: reader gives spencer a really cute holiday gift, and he really, really appreciates it (spencer reid x gn!reader)

word count: 2.7k

author’s note: this was supposed to be a blurb lmao. also anon, u did not specify gender, so this is gender neutral!!! also, this is for the holiday season and isn’t specific to christmas (aside from mentions of secret santa gift exchange). also also, spencer knits canonically.

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

Rolling your eyes, you closed the seemingly menacing pop-up on your screen and continued to finish up your paperwork. A few seconds passed before a second pop-up appeared.

DO NOT CLOSE MY MESSAGES!!!

You heaved a sigh and stood, making your way to Garcia’s lair. Pushing the door open, you skipped a greeting entirely and chided, “Dude, you gotta stop sending scary pop-ups to my computer. People are gonna start thinking that unsubs are hacking the FBI and threatening agents.”

From beneath her horn-rimmed glasses, Penelope tutted and chewed the end of her pen. “You are no fun. Besides, you are forgetting my immensely cool and mysterious origin story. ‘The Black Queen’ was not one of the good guys!”

“That’s true,” you admitted, “but you’re one of us now, so that means no more suspicious messages unless you want to be fired.”

She gave you a contemptuous glare, “Not gonna happen. Also, I’m really shocked that you thought you could distract me from the matter at hand.”

Furrowing your brow, you replied, “I don’t even know what the matter at hand is.”

Garcia’s smirk curled devilishly. “You and Reid.”

Further confusion ensued. “And what about us?”

She groaned and threw her head back, “Oh my god, you really are dragging this out. I know that you did not get him for Secret Santa, but you still got him a present.” The quirking of her eyebrows was enough to indicate that she meant more than what she was saying, and you were hesitant to explore the implications.

“Okay, first of all, it is illegal to look at my credit card history, and secondly, he is my best friend, so yes, I got him a present. Is that a crime?”

“Certainly not...but this does solidify the fact that you’re in love with him.”

“Dear god, Garcia, I am not in love with Spencer Reid.”

The look she gave you was one of utter incredulity. Her disbelief was so strong in fact that she did not deign your statement worthy of verbal response. Instead, she sat there. Staring. And under her rather unnerving gaze, you began to fidget, your resolve slowly dissolving. Squeezing your eyes shut, you relented. 

“Okay, maybe I am the littlest, tiniest bit in love with Spencer Reid.”

“Well, duh, but what I really need to know is when you’re gonna tell him.”

“When? Garcia, this is not a ‘when’ question. Actually, it’s not a question at all because never in a million years would I ever tell him.”

“Why not?” she exclaimed, gesturing with her pen still in hand. “You spend almost all of your time together, at work and at home! You guys go to bookstores and museums and cafes. He talks about his silly little statistics, and you listen, and you make your silly little jokes, and he laughs; you’re a match made in heaven! And he’s so obviously into you! That boy writes the definition of heart eyes every time he looks at you.”

Steeling your jaw, you rebutted, “That’s just not true.” Your voice faltered. “Sure, I’ve noticed a certain...affection, but he does not love me in the same way I love him.” You let out a shaky breath before deciding to continue. “Did you know that in all of our years of friendship he’s never touched me? I mean sure, it’s happened once or twice in the field, but that was always an accident. And yeah, I know he has his thing with germs, but don’t you think if he liked me as anything more than a friend, he would have done something by now? A pinky promise, a teasing elbow jab—I don’t know—something?”

Penelope’s face softened, and she tried to recover your confidence. “He’s like that with everyone! He likes his space. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him initiate contact with anyone on the team.”

 “But isn’t that the point, Garcia? I’m just like everyone else to him. He wants space from me.” Bitterness roiled in your stomach and dripped from your tongue. “Not very romantic, huh?” 

Trying to piece together a counterargument, she stumbled slightly, “No, I will give you that.” She paused. “But I think he’s just scared. Not of germs, not of you, but of his feelings for you. He’s not the most well-adjusted person I know.”

You chuckled lightly, gradually resuming your normally light-hearted disposition, “I would agree.”

“Well, I hope he likes his present.”

The semblance of a tired smile graced your face. “Yeah, me too.” 

You turned to walk out and had almost made it out the door when her voice stopped you. “Also, I will stop sending suspicious pop-ups to your computer.”

Peeking back through the doorway, you grinned.“I think it’d be for the best. Texting does exist for a reason.”

——— 

It had been a really good day. It wasn’t often where an entire day in the bullpen passed only with friends and laughter and love and light, but today was one of them. Snow fell silently outside the windows, but everything inside felt warm like laughing so hard that your cheeks ache and your stomach hurts.

By now, a sort of daze had befallen the team as the giddiness wore on and the alcohol set in, fuzzing eyes and minds. Most everyone had paired off after the gift exchange a few minutes prior, but no one had drifted too far. (Maybe it was the team instinct: never stray too far from the pack, but it was also likely that everyone just enjoyed the proximity to their loved ones, their family.) Garcia seemed to be in heaven, tucked into Morgan’s side on a couch that had been dragged haphazardly into the bullpen, and murmured conversation stretched on with intermittent peals of laughter. Predictably, Hotch and Rossi had sequestered themselves to a nearby desk, their scotch glasses never dry and grins never fading. (Hotch during the holidays was something special. His often frigid demeanor thawed, and out from the ice peeked his former self who wasn’t so serious. (His rare giggles were quite the surprise though.)) Emily and JJ sat on the latter’s desk, discussing anything and everything (except for psychopathic murderers), while you had pulled your chair up to sit beside Spencer at his desk. 

“So are you pleased about your gift from Rossi?” you asked, a faint grin playing at your lips.

“I am,” he replied, clearly enthused. “But I don’t think I’ll ever understand how he managed to get an authentic TARDIS key.” His finger traced the edge of the authenticity certificate Rossi had bestowed on him that sat on his desk; the key was already hanging around his neck.

You raised your eyebrows and nodded. “Well, money is a powerful thing.”

“True,” he mused before furrowing his brow. “But that’s another thing, the expense limit is not a suggestion, but he always treats it like it is. Puts all the rest of us to shame.”

“There’s no shame in an inexpensive gift!” you argued. “As long as time or thought was put in, it doesn’t matter.”

“Penelope surely didn’t skimp on time spent for yours,” he said, pointing to the homemade knitted hat and glove set on the desk beside you.

“No, I did not!” she yelled from her spot on the couch, somehow having managed to pick up on your conversation, and you laughed. “Lots and lots of time and love was poured into those!” Her speech was slightly slurred as her eggnog intake began to infringe on her lucidity.

“I know this, and I love you for it,” you beamed at her.

“I love you too.” She proceeded to bury her face in Derek’s shoulder who could only chuckle at her antics. 

You picked up a glove and inspected it. “I truly cannot comprehend how she made these. Circular knitting needles are my living hell.”

Sitting up with renewed interest, Spencer said, “If you need help with them, I could lend a hand. I knit my mom a sweater this year, and I think I finally understand how they work if you ever wanted me to show you.”

“I’d love that.” Hopefully, the flush of your cheeks could be blamed on the wine you had had. “Speaking of your mom, how is she? Are you excited to see her?”

The corners of his mouth turned up, and he nodded. “She’s good; her nurse said she’s been doing really well lately. She’s less paranoid, more alert, so I’m really excited. I think this will be a good trip.”

“I’m so glad!” You sat there with a dumb smile for a moment, your mind lagging for a moment (damn wine) before realization crashed onto you. “Wait, speaking of your mom, I have something for you!” He cocked his head to the side as you stood up and went to your desk, rifling through one of the drawers. Pulling out a neatly wrapped gift, you trotted back over and offered it to him. “This is for you.”

He took it, running a hand over the wrapping paper (it was the one with cowboys wearing Santa hats that you had found when shopping together a couple weeks before, his favorite). “(Y/N), you didn’t have to get me anything.”

Shrugging lightly, you said, “Yeah, I know we did the whole gift exchange thing, but I saw it, and I thought of you and had to get it.” And you definitely did not actively seek this out for him in the search for his perfect present. Which is something somebody who is definitely not in love with him would do.

He looked up at you, eyes already glassy and searching your face for something. You weren’t sure what he was looking for, but then he met your gaze with unwavering certainty. “Thank you, (Y/N/N).”

“No problem, ya big sap, now open it already.” 

Ever the cautious one, he opened it carefully, sliding a finger under the edge of the paper and gently easing the tape up. The small action of unwrapping a present so attentively was just so Spencer your heart swelled as you suppressed the growing grin. From the paper emerged a book.

“‘A Collection of Poems by Geoffrey Chaucer,’” he murmured, smoothing a hand over the cover.

When he didn’t immediately react, seemingly frozen, nerves crept up the back of your neck, and you sputtered out some sort of reasoning. “I know your mom used to read Chaucer to you; you mentioned ‘The Parliament of Fowls’ when we worked the Fisher King case, and it’s in this collection, and I thought it’d be fun for you to take it to Vegas and read it together and—”

Your explanation came to an abrupt halt as Spencer threw his arms around you, enveloping you in a bone-crushing hug. Immediately melting into it, you embraced him with a similar intensity and buried your face in his neck. Something in his touch allowed you to let go, and it felt like the moment you could finally exhale. 

A breath you’d been holding for longer than you could remember. 

You could smell the cologne that he wore for ‘special occasions’ and his shampoo and something so faint but so undeniably him, and his hand slid up to the back of your head, cradling it in the most tender fashion, and you felt like you could cry. So you pulled him closer, and he did the same.

The hug definitely lasted longer than what most people would find comfortable, but neither of you could be convinced to retreat until you became aware of the silence that had settled over the bullpen. You felt the many pairs of eyes on you, and it pained you to pry yourself off of Spencer. Breathless, you looked around at the shocked faces of your co-workers who sat with mouths agape and eyes wide. You coughed slightly to try to ease the tension and then for some reason beyond your knowledge, you decided to wave at them in the most awkward fashion. Sitting back down, you could feel stares lingering as conversation resumed, and you looked up at Reid who looked like a deer in headlights. You laughed quietly, tugging his sleeve until he received the memo and sat down again. 

He cleared his throat and avoided eye contact, glancing at his present. “Thank you for the book, (Y/N/N).”

“You’re welcome,” you replied, your tone earnest as ever. Still reeling from the hug, you faintly became aware of the speed of your heartbeat and unconsciously brought a hand to your chest. You attempted fruitlessly to sort through your raging thoughts, while across from you, Spencer tried to think of something, anything to say now. 

He couldn’t really believe he’d done it. His germaphobia remained everpresent, but somehow the emotion welling in his chest at your sincerity and benevolence had overridden it, and he felt helpless in stopping himself. His heart had lurched in his chest as if it was suddenly struck with the need to be in your hands, propelling him forward. But it wasn’t like he hadn’t wanted to. He had wanted to for so long, but he’d never mustered the courage before. There was something so special, so intimate about touch, and so many people gave it so freely, and he just didn’t understand how they could allow themselves the indulgence. The absolute luxury of giving and receiving love. Spencer often felt like he sat by a window, watching his life pass by outside of it, and he had always wanted to open it, to really experience all the joy and all the grief and all the love that was waiting for him, but it was scary to open himself up to those feelings and the hurt that could ensue. So, he usually sat discontented by his window. But today, it was like he’d grabbed a hammer and smashed the glass completely and stepped through to be able to return the love you had offered him. 

It felt so good.

But now, he had no idea what to do. He stood there in the midst of the shattered glass, and deep down, he knew had to take the last couple steps to get to you, but he didn’t know how. 

His fingers fidgeted in his lap as he analyzed your blank face, trying to find something to give him the next direction when a realization hit him. “I didn’t get you anything!”

Drawn back from the depths of whatever thought you had been stuck in, you met his gaze and shook your head. “Seriously, don’t worry about it. I broke the gift exchange rules to get you something, so you had no way of knowing.”

“But I feel terrible.” His eyebrows drew together, and he frantically tried to think of some way to repay you. “You get me an incredibly lovely and wonderfully thoughtful gift, and I’m the loser who didn’t get his best friend a present!”

“Spencer—”

“Wait!” he interrupted, a revelation arriving. (He knew how to take the last steps.) “When I get back after the holidays, do you want to get dinner with me? Then, we can go to the bookstore on 10th that you love, and you can pick out a book, and I’ll pay.”

Your eyes widened further than you thought possible, and your heart which had only partially recovered was off to the races once again. You decided to take the plunge and ask the burning question. “Do you—um, do you mean like a date?”

“Yeah,” he answered, beaming so brightly. “Yes. Like a date. If you want to.”

You held each other’s gaze, and the warmth that had filled the bullpen all day filled your chests, and you smiled so hard your faces hurt. 

So silly, you thought, to have wasted all this time boarding up my affection and keeping it tucked away, safe and useless.

So ridiculous, he thought, to have sat by that stupid window for so many years when the real thing feels so sweet.

“I think I’d like that a lot.”

[sarasa-cat]

Writing meme: 7, 10, 11 (Even the Littlest Monsters), 12 (V)

7. what books have shaped the way you think about writing the most? why?

Ooooh. Tricky. For Monsters, it is actually more difficult to pinpoint than if just in general (although even in general is lolololol hard to nail down).

In the past, a lot of my old fanfic (FFXII, DA:O and DA2 especially) were written as long-format writing exercises that were PURPOSEFULLY exploring and reacting to specific authors' styles. One FFXII WIP that I never finished was very much a cross-over with Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited. A set of interconnected FFXII WIP was a mashup of a few different authors' collection of works (poetry and prose fiction). Ondaatje. McEwan, Prouxl, Sa... and probably a few others. A DAO story that I started by never finished was a purposeful 1:1 replacement that erased all of the Joss-esque writing from DG's Alistair and replaced it with the voice of a Murakami-esque disaffected(tm) male protagonist.

Monsters, on the other hand, is really just a big patchwork of my own memories superimposed onto the crazypants that is FFVII canon cross pollinated with historical research and current events. So much of it is (very subtly) influenced by a million little real life memories tucked away in nearly forgotten corners of my brain that just come to light when my brain makes a sudden connection between some interesting little gap in FFVII's canon/characterizations and something it reminds me of that does far more than merely fill in the gap. For instance, Lucrecia is literally a composite of a half dozen real-life people. Same for Vincent.

But is Monsters influenced by ANYTHING that I have read since 2017??? Hard to say. I had a lot of trouble figuring out what to do with Yuffie (as a late teen and slightly older) and ended up reading a lot of really good, excellently-voiced fanfic for ideas.

I am sure that various fiction from the past has influenced my writing since 2017 and is subtly coloring the feel of Monsters but, to be honest, I cannot think of a single book that has had any real influence on it. Go figure?

10. which patterns keep popping up in your projects/characters?

Complexity, complex interpersonal relationships, complex motivations, lots of waffling due to the character feeling torn between choices, bad decisions, regrets, not knowing how to handle those regrets, shitty situations, etc.: complexity. This is really the summary of Monsters. Bad decisions, rash "decisions," bad assumptions, bad at life, impulsive characters vs fence sitters. Professional, interpersonal, and relationship trainwrecks galore.

That pattern comes up a lot in my prior fiction: just putting that magnifying glass up close while slloooowwwwwing down time to dwell on the moments that surround epic stupidity and all of the cringe/pain/discomfort/oh-god-no/wtf???!/why?/facepalm that it brings. Or, you know, people just being people. Painfully. ;)

Another pattern in Monsters that has popped up before is how The Big Faceless Machine of Societal Power grinds you down. Even though FFVII is a fantastic world that sort of mirrors our modern world except for it being far too fantastical, Monsters is all about the faceless machine of the corporate-academic-military complex so, thematically, it is actually very modern and real world: the neoliberalization of academia, the military takeover of STEM research. etc etc. And this really just echoes the same sort of themes Bring Ground To Bits by The Big Faceless Machine that drove some of my FFXII and DA fic but re-cast in a more fantasy-world light.

Much like an FFXII-postcanon epic (that I have put on hold forever), one portion -- perhaps the main story, idk? -- of Monsters can be viewed as the five stages of grief, so to speak, that a character goes through after that character REALIZES how they have been ground into dust by the Big Faceless Machine.

11. give three songs or images that fit [Monsters].

Three? Ahahaha. Whereas I couldn't think of a single book that inspires or shapes my thinking for Monsters, I have an entire SOUNDTRACK that has inspired so many key scenes in Monsters. Lol. This happened because I thought about Monsters while doing other things (work-related in the arts, but without a keyboard at hand) while listening to music for ideas. Music became my prompts and my memory device for scenes. I could re-listen to the same song over many different days and re-envision the scene in my head (like a movie) but with more and more detail each time. I literally spent most afternoons just raiding streaming services for EVERYTHING that was big in the late 1960s through the 1970s, and then big again in the 1990s, and just waited for ideas to strike.

For instance:

Blondie, Dreaming -- a set of scenes during graduate school in which Lucrecia was trying to start an affair with Grimoire, HER PHD ADVISOR who is also Vincent's father.

Bowie, Aladdin Sane -- the song LITERALLY appears in the scene, while Vincent is living in the Shinra Mansion (as a project and facilities manager/security person) where Lucrecia, Hojo, and others are working on their top secret science-disaster. He is drunk, angry, and playing the piano part of this song on the canonical piano in that building, and has an epic run in with Hojo before and after all of this. ;)

The Beatles, the second side of the album Abbey Road -- Vincent's experiences when first signing on as a Shinra employee.

...and the list goes on and on and on. ;)

12. give three songs or images that fit [V- presumably CP2077?!].

No songs as of yet. But images? Hm! A quick-image search for a proto-moodboard --- here's five!

[eventyrstuff]

So I started reading Manhwas after Kdramas, and I wanted to make a list as well.

I absolutely love Isekai themed Manhwas - specially historical, time travel and villainess themed. Most of them are based on a web novel but I could not find the novels per se so I read them as Manhwa at Manganelo Site

So here goes the list, I will input few at a time as I am rereading them again.

Warning: Unedited. I’m sorry if I mispell or has grammar lapses. Unabashed fangirling at times.  ALSO SPOILERS. IMMA GIVE OUT A FEW.

Inso's Law - Ongoing (Chapters: 81)

What made me read it: I found the earphone scene in Instagram and I instantly fell in love with Chunyoung. I mean I have this weakness with Black Haired characters. When I read the plot, I knew my tween heart will absolutely love this. The Main Character (Dan-I) woke up to a romance novel/parallel world where in she was friends with these very popular kids (I still can't believe they were 14 at the start). She did not want to be center of attention or to have any relations with the Female Lead and her reverse harem, but come on no one can resist those guys and their pretty faces and weird colored hair. The storyline may be a bit overused but my teenage self is very happy. 10/10

Is it visually pretty: YES. Everyone is pretty. This manhwa is also memeworthy. May not be as aesthetically pleasing as WMMAP but still 10/10

How much do I love the characters: I love Dan-I's internal monologue but hate how she sees herself as just the minor character, everyone adores her! Yeoryoung is the best friend you'll absolutely adore. Ju-In is adorbs. Chunyoung is LOVE. I love Jiho and Eunhyung too but Chunyoung is my ML. Ruda and Yeodan though *swoon* Other side characters are awesome too, but too much characters makes me forget a lot of em. Haha 10/10

Favorite part of the story: I LOVE their friendship so eveytime they show how much Dan-I is important too, all those text messages (especially Ju-In's HAHAHAHA text), Chunyoung is my fave so everytime he is in it I mean damn him and his beautiful hair, enchanting eyes and that smile *faints*, everytime Dan-I state one of every web novel laws, everytime Dan-I breaks the fourth wall and say how bullshit the story is hahahaha

Am I going to reread it again: Yes will do again and again

How do I describe thee: This was my first Manhwa! I'm a sucker for high school setting kind of stories. I really like it, makes me nostalgic of times I spent reading stories back in high school. I admit I was one of those teenagers who fell for the trope of being normal then every guy suddenly likes you *reverse harem for the win* but seriously this manhwa is one of my personal fave for being close to my tween heart. I really thought Dan-I was on a parallel world rather than a web novel as she did not got isekai'd to another person, she's still herself and it's still her family - it was like fanfiction of her own life. I like all characters eventhough, yes it's bullshit to have those kinds of friends (come on! A chaebol, a model in one group of friends in a normal highschool?) It's typical, it' cliche I know but their friendship is really #goals. When I first read this I was really cheering on Chunyoung to be ML, but when I read spoilers that Jiho will be the ML I thought whaaaat I shipped Jiho with Yeoryeoung. Then when I reread it I did saw how subtle his love was and it's really cute. I was really focused on Chunyoung since he has a lot of screen time showing off his affections but Jiho did too on the littlest of things you will see. Well, I'll wait for his time to shine. I just hope Dan-I finally notice them. And I want to know how she will be explaining to them her situation and how everything will be resolved - will she be going back to reality? *that's gonna suck* Also can I have Yeodan instead? Thanks. 10/10

Who Made Me A Princess - Ongoing (Chapters: 81)

What made me read it: I keep seeing screenshots of Athy's various expressions on the comments in manhwas so I searched for it. The plot is interesting, and as mentioned I absolutely love Isekai theme. But this is not romance (mostly), the story focuses on the dynamics of a father and daughter relationship. The main character was reborn as a character on a novel she was reading, Athanasia - the princess who was executed by her father. Knowing what will happen to her when she turns 18, she plans on saving herself. She changes the course of the story in order to survive. 10/10

Is it visually pretty: YES. JESUS CHRIST HAVE YOU SEEN DADDY CLAUDE. INSANE VISUALS. I mean the way the artist drew everything is pleasing to my eye. BUT ALL CHARACTERS ARE HOT. 100/10

How much do I love the characters: ONE MUST PROTECT ATHY FOREVER. Daddy Claude breaks my heart. LILY AND FELIX ARE THE CAPTAINS OF MY SHIP. Lucas is love. Can't help falling in love with Ijekiel/Ezekiel. I adore Jennette. DIANA AND LP'S ATHANASIA ARE DEAD BUT THEY DESERVE BETTER. Anastacius you evil motherfucker, I like you too. 100/10

Favorite part of the story: Every Athy expression. Tea time with Daddy Claude and Felix. When Lily is overprotective. Athy's debutante ball. All the boat scenes are gold. Everytime Claude shows how much he adores Athy even when he's supposed to hate her. When he picks her up and when he shows emotions. When Claude and Felix bickers. When Lucas teases Athy. Best boi Ijekiel/Ezekiel when he shows how much he likes Athy. Adorable Jennette and how she yearns for family.

Am I going to reread it again: Yes and No. Probably up to Chapter 45, I don't think my heart can take after that. Maybe when the manhwa is finished.

How do I describe thee: I AM EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED. When I first read this I stopped at Chapter 38,  I read another Manhwa and actually forgot about it but decided to reread again after. I thought this will be a funny, heartwarming story of how a daughter earns her father's love. OH BOY GET READY FOR FEELINGS. I love Athy so much, she just wanted to survive the story, but she was loved, she was finally happy. Claude was like fuck feelings but can't help but adore Athy. I love their relationship so much. It physically pained me after Claude loses his memory - BRING BACK THE FUNNY CHAPTERS. I cannot read that scene in Claude's birthday ever again without bawling. I like Jennette, I really do, but I hate how everytime Claude has headaches (especially when with Athy) he calls for Jennette. It hurts me the way it hurts Athy like I was the one being betrayed. I hate how what's happened to LP Athanasia might still happen ro present Athanasia and it will def break me. I hate Anastacius for being an evil bastard that he is but I hope his growing love for Jennette will be his redemption. This was the first time I did not care for the romance or love triangles (Lucas and Ezekiel/Ijekiel are still precious bbys). Still 1000/10 will recommend even if it's not yet finished. I just want everyone to have a happy ending. Also for my LilyxFelix ship to sail. Thanks. If you have spoilers, gimme.

The Reason Why Raeliana Ended Up At The Duke's Mansion - Ongoing (Chapters: 133)

What made me read it: It was on one of the recommended list and it caught my eye due to the title like pfft how very specific. It's Isekai so I know I'll love it. The Main Character got pushed (literally) into a novel wherein she got the role of Raeliana - a minor character whose death is the catalyst for the story to start. And of course our MC will not follow through the storyline and make her own destiny and survive. She ended up asking for the duke's (Noah, my love) help and became his fiancee, thus starting a butterfly effect for this manhwa's awesome story and twists. 100/10

Is it visually pretty: Definitely, everyone is absolutely pretty and the art is great. Not as insane as WMMAP but I got a lot of meme material. 10/10

How much do I love the characters: Raeliana is def one of top female lead for me, she's bad ass and not as dense as others. Noah, my love, is perfect. Even his brother that I could not remember his name because it's hard to spell. Naomi though is hilarious. Raeliana's family especially her mother. JUSTIN. GRANDPAAAA. SIR ADAM - NUFF SAID. No to Beabitch though but that says something for being villain. 100/10

Favorite part of the story: Chapter 130 hehehehe. Everytime Raeliana is BAMF who saves herself, everytime Noah flirts with her, Sir Adam and his aloofness and chibi self, the emperor's 40% playing pranks, Naomi and the emperor's bickering - which by the way ship it, when Noah confessed, when Raeliana confessed my heart could not take it, ALL THE TWISTS

Am I going to reread it again: YESSSS 100%

How do I describe thee: One of the God-Tier level Manhwa, I read because of Isekai I stayed because of the twist of that Isekai which is freaking mindblowing. Raeliana sets the standard for Female Leads, damn girl needs no man to save her shit. I LOVE HER. I LOVE THIS MANHWA SO MUCH. Noah is just perfect for her like it was really *winks* destined for them to be together. I JUST LOVE EVERYTHING. I love everyone, except that bitch. Also this was a first for me to have the MC admitting they were isekai'd to a novel and realizing her feelings and his feelings and accepting it and I just asdfghjkldfdfse 10000/10 READ THIS AND FALL IN LOVE WITH SIR ADAM WITH ME.

Living As The Tyrant's Older Sister - Ongoing (Chapters: 73)

What made me read it: The meme (you know the one - K.O), if you haven't noticed yet I am a collector of Isekai Manhwa. But this one def made me laugh at all chapters. We have your Main Character being thrown into a web novel (a novel her sister wrote btw) where she play as the Emperor's older sister - Alicia. She knows how the story goes (same old same old where she will eventually die) because she was her sister's consultant regarding the storyline and now regretting how she suggested to change the male lead. As always she devised a plan to stay as a minor character and survive but ended up sleeping with the main lead - Ares. 10/10

Is it visually pretty: Not a masterpiece but definitely meme material, all the screenshots I have stored are all memes from this manhwa 8/10

How much do I love the characters: Alicia is hilarious badmouthing bamf, very pretty very memeworthy. Ares could work on his personality a bit more but when they are together they're comical. Her brother is a typical tsundere and a fanboy. Lancelot is your typical nice guy. THAT BUTLER THOUGH BEST WINGMAN. 9/10

Favorite part of the story: Every meme hahahaha just read it this manhwa is the embodiment of a meme

Am I going to reread it again: Yes whenever I need a laugh ahhahaha

How do I describe thee: I AM WHEEZING. This truly is a comedic manhwa. You can't take it seriously because of the way it was drawn. If you really want a laugh this one's perfect. At times it is cringy when it exag a bit of their reactions but still 100% you will laugh. Not perfect but story is good, I like how it's still given a thought. But read it for the memes you won't regret it. 9/10

Survive as the Hero's Wife - Ongoing (Chapters: 79)

What made me read it: It's on the recommended list and someone mentioned that the art is *immaculate* and it is. IT REALLY IS. Well here comes another Isekai manhwa where the MC is pulled inside a novel where her character will be killed. But this time she was a minor villain character and the Male Lead's wife! 10/10 who are we kidding, I love em all.

Is it visually pretty: this manhwa is a work of art, it is *chefs kiss* visual explosion. Everyone is insanely hot, even the villains. The background, the characters - their hair and wardrobe is truly 1000000/10

How much do I love the characters: I really did fell in love with Canaria and Cesar. Best soft couple. Their luscious hair though so pretty. Noah best boi. Best team of suspicious knights - Miller, Raya, Jax and Ethan are loves. Best friend Ricardo. Even best butler Oscar. 100/10

Favorite part of the story: The visual explosion. Chos. When Canaria is being supportive waifu and Cesar is being an innocent best boy, they are just very soft and loving and I love their scenes so much, that popularity vote in the consort's palace ahhahaha, Jax and his misunderstanding, Ethan everytime he eats (all the time), Cesar's blushing face, everytime we are introduced to a new character because we know they are going to be gorgeous as hell.

Am I going to reread it again: MOST DEF ITS VERY PLEASING TO THE EYE

How do I describe thee: BEAUTIFUL. GORGEOUS. ENCHANTING. Boy, the visual is absolute masterpiece, Canaria's hair alone (love all her hairstyles) and her clothes, I want all of em. Cesar is the embodiment of a perfect male lead - soft boi. Best boi. Pretty boi. I love how he loves Canaria and how they truly support each other since being married at freaking 12 years old. This type of love please.  1000/10 Also, I am a lot curious about that Oscar,I think he is related to the emperor and the lady ghost in Noah's story - a lovechild? *gasps*. Also-Also if you will be reading this at Manganelo, translation at Chapter 76+ is a bit off but still grateful for the translators for what they give

Up next: It’s villain themed time (The villainess lives twice, beware of the villainess the villainess reverses the hour etc)

[luvbotclub]

MY SECOND DATE.

content warning for angst & character death. 3,044 words. inspired by the k-drama “while you were sleeping” and red velvet’s “my second date”.

author’s note: i’m sorry dis is actual Shit. >____< i have a thing where i think of sad fic ideas while listening to cute, happy songs and this is one of them!! i have a lot more ideas based off the red songs in the perfect red velvet but this is the one that stuck to me the most :] i think this has been in my drafts for two years already, yikes. 

deep breaths.

you closed your hands and grasped jaemin’s hand tightly.

one.

two.

three.

4:07 pm.

jaemin was bound to be here any moment now, you thought as you shuffled through your makeup bag for that one shade of lipstick you knew he loved. today is your second date with your boyfriend of a year, which was a fact that your friends found ridiculous when you told them about it.

because of your very busy schedules, you two saw each other rarely and relied only on texts and video calls for communication. you were surprised jaemin had the actual patience to keep a relationship like this, since you knew that he was the kind who constantly craved to be in the presence of the person he loved.

you didn’t expect to be with him. to put it straight, you two were just drastically different from one another. jaemin was always bright, from the way he smiled to the way his hair colour changed constantly. he was the actual personification of an ideal summer morning, a picnic under the warm sunlight where you lay on the grass and smell the dew against your cheek, feeling the refreshing burst of watermelon and strawberries meeting your tongue. always smelling of roses and that one expensive brand of cologne you wanted to sink your face into. 

and you? well, you hated being bright. you hated sunny days. you hated summer. you hated roses (god, you really despised roses and jaemin knew perfectly well of that). you hated that specific brand of cologne, but with jaemin, you soon grew to love them to the point your constant need for him to be by your side was almost insatiable.

when you two met, it was sudden. an actual cliche. probably something you could see in those romantic korean dramas you watched when you were bored during work. a force made you bump into a strong figure in your favourite coffee shop, the content of your cup spilling down both of your shirts. when you met his eyes, you feared for your life. he looked like a mean boy, again like one of those spoiled rotten bitches from dramas who’d slap you with a stack of their money for simply staring at them. but instead of the expected sneer, he gave you a big genuine smile that spread a small warmth in your stomach  that didn’t leave you for days. apologies quickly left your lips as you tried your best to clean up his shirt for him with the tissue you were holding, but he stopped your wiping when he reassured that it was okay and that he didn’t like that shirt anyways. you felt so embarrassed that you thought you were going to die that moment. a blush soon grew on your cheeks as you noticed the growing outline of his toned stomach through the damp fabric.

he introduced himself shortly as na jaemin, an idol from a quite popular boy group. you didn’t recognize him and weren’t into boy groups at all since you were too immersed in your career to actually pay attention to everything else, but it didn’t come out as a surprise that he was some sort of celebrity — people in the coffee shop were already pointing at the two of you and whispering urgently into each other’s ears behind their hands as their eyes raked you from head to toe, probably making up a rumour of some sort and judging you for the bungou stray dogs t-shirt you decided to wear today. your ears went hot as you realized the sudden attention and jaemin led you out of the shop once he noticed your flustered state, not before apologizing repeatedly to the staff for the sudden uproar that you two have caused.

you found out that he snuck out of the dormitories with his other members to walk around since promotional season just ended. he wasn’t expecting to be out this late when you reminded him of the time. he said that he didn’t want to leave you and stayed with you until a taxi came by. before riding the taxi, jaemin asked you if you two could exchange numbers, since he wanted to pay for the coffee that was spilled on him. you told him that he didn’t have to yet he insisted, so you grabbed his phone with a pout and typed your number in as he did the same. just before you left he smiled at you and pulled out one of his spare sweatshirts from his bag and pulled it over your head.

“so you wouldn’t be cold.” he spoke shortly, before opening the door of the taxi and closing it once you got inside, but not before he shot a wink at you and away you drove.

you had to admit, you were scared that he forgot about you. you were trying to forget about the boy named na jaemin who you met accidentally, because it wasn’t like he’d be actually interested in you. you did a little bit of research on him and indeed, he’s an idol from a group named nct. you started listening to their songs and you can’t call yourself a fan, but you do enjoy hearing their music. 

two days after meeting na jaemin, you weren’t expecting a sudden notification from him while  listening to an ep by the subunit nct 127. you had to put your mug of green tea down, pause the song which you checked was named “jet lag”, and stare at the notification before tapping it and contemplating whether you should reply or not. he asked you how you were doing, apologized that he hadn’t checked on you right away if you got home safely since he was busy, and introduced himself again just in case you had no idea who he was.

the conversation was pretty awkward, but you tried not to think about it too much. you didn’t know each other that well yet and you were still testing the waters, both of you saying “no you” so many times that it drove you mad. you reminded him of the sweatshirt he left you, and asked when he was free so you could give it back to him. he told you that you could keep it and consider it as one of his “payments”, the other payment being a coffee date.

you had to draw back from your phone for a whole minute before sitting down on your bed and screeching into your pillow, phone in hand. he had asked you on a date so smoothly that it took you a few rereads before you got the meaning behind his message, and when it hit you, you felt blood rushing to your cheeks— a feeling that left you a little lightheaded.

you agreed on the date.

it happened later that week, on a friday. he told you to dress comfortably and thickly since you were going to watch a movie before going to a coffee shop so it might be a little chilly. you decided to wear the sweatshirt he gave you, basking in the strong scent of his cologne that made your ears go red as you thought of the way he smiled and flirted with you. you hated cologne, absolutely hated it. you felt sick whenever you got a slight sniff of it and the cologne jaemin wore was similar to the cologne your annoying coworker you sat next to at work wore, so it made you confused as to why you suddenly liked it (but it’s not like you were complaining).

the rest of your relationship went pretty smoothly, which surprised you. you thought you weren’t going to get along pretty well because of his flirty personality and the lack of patience you have for people like him. jaemin’s honey-like voice calling out to you, giving you compliments about the littlest of things like how the earrings you wore for today’s date fit you so well, and the way he’d act all cute and pouty whenever you rolled your eyes at him and his flirtatious advances— you usually found such things uninteresting, repetitive, annoying— but with jaemin, you found yourself slowly falling for him.

as you started dating, you and jaemin practically shared everything with each other. embarrassing stories that still haunt both of you to this day, your deepest darkest secrets, your fears, your interests, your aspirations, the strangest things that have happened and are still happening to you. you both agreed that it was a good way to communicate with each other, so that there wouldn’t be any feeling of doubt and embarrassment between you two. 

but the only strange thing about you that he didn’t know about was you often had dreams that came true since you were just a child. sure, it sounds pretty ridiculous, but you didn’t know any other way to explain it to others without sounding a little crazy. you thought the same thing about jaemin. a part of you thought that he’d react normally to it since he loves you way too much to think negatively of you in any way (a thought that brought a small smile on your face), but another part thought that he’d probably find it strange in a way.

these dreams sometimes involve people who are close to you, but sometimes you see people who you have never met once in your life. most of your dreams aren’t that bad. some dreams end up being good, some end up being so gruesome to the point you were scared to go to sleep. you eventually lost count of the late nights where you laid awake in your bed, eyes fighting to stay open for you were afraid you’d see the bloody scenes that were practically imprinted on your eyelids again. you knew there’d be a new murder investigation by the moment you woke up the following morning or another car accident broadcast on the news for the whole country to see.

you couldn’t do anything about these dreams. you didn’t know how to stop having them or how to stop the things happening in them, but it wasn’t like you didn’t try. you saw a close friend of yours, seulgi, get into an accident during one of her friends’ summer out-of-town trip in one of your dreams where luckily she came out alive, but she suffered many major injuries that left her bedridden for months. you tried to convince her to stay in the city for at least one more day the night she was about to leave, but she insisted she needed to get out of the city to relieve some stress as soon as possible and your pleas fell on deaf ears.

as much as you tried to do something, you knew that whatever you’ll see is fate and who were you to go against that? even if it sounded way too hopeless to admit, you were only an observer, helpless in this situation. 

you heard the front door slam shut once you were done applying the lipstick on, smacking your lips together and seeing if you missed any spots or overdrew. you looked up to see your boyfriend leaning against the doorframe, looking fresh with his freshly dyed grey hair and smiling down at your dressed up state.

“i really love that shade on you, baby,” he murmured, leaning down to press a kiss on your forehead before setting his bag and cap on the bed.

“that’s why i picked it for today,” you giggled and you saw the big grin on his face through the mirror, watching him undress and rummage through the closet for his clothes. “are you going to wear that one dress shirt?”

“you know me way too well, y/n,” jaemin laughed and pulled out the exact dress shirt you were talking about.

it looked simple, like any dress shirt would look like— a crisp white with translucent buttons lining down the front, but he always looked so handsome in it.

“of course i do,” you chuckled as he buttoned his shirt on, stopping midway once he saw you standing up from your chair and making your way towards him. you replaced the fingers on his shirt with yours and buttoned the last three two buttons on his shirt.

jaemin hooked his fingers under your chin, facing your head up so that you were looking at him. the look of pure adoration in his eyes made you swallow harshly and a shy shade of pink dust over your cheeks. he never failed to make you feel like this, as if you hadn’t been dating for a year already. your friends always told you that their boyfriends weren’t this affectionate after a year of being together, but you guessed that jaemin was different from them.

you were lucky he was different.

he leaned down to press a kiss on your lips and you kissed back eagerly, balancing yourself with tipped toes to kiss him deeper. you whined when he pulled away, a teasing smile on his face when he saw the pout on your lips.

“doing that won’t make me kiss you again, baby,” jaemin cooed, pinching your cheeks and smiling wider at the frustrated whine you let out. “anyways, we’ll be late for our reservation if we continue.”

“why?” you teased, walking to the mirror besides the bed to look at yourself and adjusting the dress you were adorned in. “you can’t resist me, can you?”

“you know i can’t.”

you looked back at your boyfriend and smiled at him, sticking your tongue at him before grabbing your purse from the bedside table.

god, you were going to miss this.

you bit back the tears that threatened to fall as you and jaemin exited out of the room, both dressed and ready to go outside. you swore you could bask in his scent all day long and you’d never get tired of it, the soft scent surrounding the car as you both got in and he pulled from the driveway.

as usual, jaemin’s unoccupied hand met yours once he started driving, his attention at the road not wavering once. you could only stare at his side profile and wonder to yourself what you did in your past life to deserve this kind of view right now.

you felt your heart swell, a mix of sadness and adoration swirling in your stomach and making it twist; you adjusted yourself on the carseat and looked ahead, fingers intertwining with jaemin’s.

you were really going to miss this.

last week, you saw yourself dying in your dream.

since jaemin had absolutely no idea that you had these occurring strange dreams that always end up happening, he thought that you were only having a nightmare so when you sat up in the middle of the night, a drop of sweat running down your cheek and eyes teary, he held you in his arms as you cried into his shoulder until you fell asleep, the bloody images still visible in your mind as you dozed off.

jaemin brought it up the following morning over breakfast and asked what happened in your dream that made you heave and struggle for breath the night prior. you shook your head and refused to answer him, jaemin soon stopped asking and didn’t pry any more into the situation as you stuffed his mouth with toast with a sleepy smile on your face.

what you saw in your dream was exactly what happened a few minutes ago; you were getting ready for a date with jaemin (you were adorned in the same shade of lipstick you were wearing right now), the time in your clock was the same, 4:07pm, the way jaemin looked at you was the same, even the featherlike brush of his lips against yours felt the same.

just as you were nearing the restaurant you made a reservation in, a loud honk startled both of you and jaemin, making you let go of his hand that wasn’t occupied by the steering wheel. just mere seconds before the car got hit, you remember looking at your watch and reading 4:49pm.

in your dream, you saw the aftermath of the accident. the images made you feel sick to the stomach as the photographs from the crash flashed on the screen, blurred so that it wouldn’t look as disturbing as the real thing but people could still see the skid marks smeared with hints of a deep red left on the streets through the filter.

the news anchor was talking about the accident the day prior while the headline flashed through the television screen— y/n y/l/n, victim of a brutal drunk driving accident in seoul, 20, pronounced dead at the scene. apparently, the truck driver was drunk during his shift and he was still yet to be found after he fled the scene, after a glint of fear appeared in his eyes after seeing your practically deformed body hanging out of the car’s windshield, limp and lifeless.

the silence in the car made you feel uneasy, heart beating in your chest way too fast and teeth biting onto your lips to not breathe so hastily and alarm jaemin. 

you remembered yourself in the dream mumbling:

one two three.

before the truck made an impact with the car.

your eyes darted to your watch, the hands aimed at 4:48pm.

deep breaths.

you looked over at jaemin, and finally let the tears fall from your eyes. you grasped his hand tighter and inhaled deeply, holding it up to your lips and pressing a small kiss on the soft skin. you couldn’t see his face, vision becoming blurry as more tears fell, but you could feel a smile growing on his lips.

this time, you didn’t want to let go of him.

“jaemin.”

one.

“yes, baby?”

you were going to miss him.

two.

so fucking much.

you let out a little laugh, choking on your own sobs and jaemin was so clueless to it all as he finally looked at you, his concern growing when he saw your tear-streaked face.

three. 

“i’m happy i get to spend my last day with you.”

[popculturebuffet]

The Three Caballeros Movie Review: Rejoice Now Donald’s Been Laid (Commission)

It’s time at long last we talked about those three happy chappies in snappy serapes. Who say so? @weirdkev27​ say so! He’s planning on funding an ENTIRE retrospective on the boys, so in addition to my Tom Lucitor Retrospective (Expect that to return very soon as one of the episodes in it is time sensitive), Road to Just Us Justice Ducks, and look at “The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck”. I’m proud to announce a new recurring feature on this blog “The Ride of the Three Caballeros!”, a look back at these birds of a feather who flock together and their wild and wonderful history cumulating in “The Legend of The Three Caballeros”.  Honestly I thank Kev for the idea as it’s a damn good one. Ever since seeing them on House of Mouse, which I both really need to cover and Disney needs to add already as we’re a year into Disney plus already, I’ve loved Jose and Panchito, and reading barks story years ago, and again recently, gave me a lasting love of these goofs. They have great snappy designs are the rare pre-ducktales 2017 non duck bird character, and have wonderful personalities. There’s nothing not to love and thus nothing not to love about covering their adventures. So i’m excited for this and not just for the much needed christmas money.  Naturally we’re starting the adventure here with the founding of the trio, though Kev, for now he could change his mind, choose to start with this movie instead of it’s predecessor Saludos Amigos,  on this date for two reasons. The first is it’s Friday the 13th, which besides being the basis for an utter classic of a Hey Arnold episode

Which yes for those unfamiliar with Hey Arnold features Arnold dealing with a spell of bad luck, some bullies and his grandmother dressing up wlike a black cat to rescue black cats, which is sweet.. and training them into her horrifying army of the damned, which is somehow still sweet as it is awesome.  It’s also the day this guy barges into my house thinking it’s camp crystal lake

I swear to gods Jason GET A FUCKING PHONE WITH GPS. We are not clearly not teenagers. And he’s always so embarrassed and the stab wounds always take so long at the hospital to treat. It’s just a mess.  But it’s also, according to this film Donald’s BIrthday! This was during an earlier point in his career, that will be important in a bit, so Disney hadn’t yet settled on their tradition of having their characters birthday’s being the same date as their first appearance. For the record that would make Donald and Della’s current birthday June 7th. I did a special on Donald Duck shorts for it this year. Not sure what i’ll do the next. We will see. And for fun and my own curiosity I looked up the birthdates of some of the other Ducktales castmembers as well as my boys here They are: 

Jose: August 24th (World Premier of Saludos Amigos)  Panchito: December 21st (The Mexico City Premiere Date for this very movie) Scrooge: November 14th (Thank you INducks seriously it’s a massive help with this.  Daisy: June 7th (Debut of Mr. Duck Steps out) Huey, Dewey and Louie: October 17th (First appearance in Donald’s Newspaper Strip) Webby, Beakley and Launchpad: September 18th, thanks to launchpad’s driver’s license as well as all three characters debuting in the opening arc. Though to separate them i’d likely  try to find different dates for both. For now i’m going with October 12th for Mrs. Beakly (The airing date for the Ducktales 87 ep maid of myth) and October 29th for Webby (the airing date for another 87 episode, this one about webby and a horse).  Gladstone: August 15th, as while it was released in january there is no firm release date for it. Plus a summer birthday fits him better anyways. Thank you Inducks for that.  Magica:  September 28th, finally a firm publication date. While there’s a creation date unlike Gladstone I see no need to use it.  Darkwing Duck/Drake Mallard: September 6th GLOMGOLD: July 26th Was that entirely necessary? No Would I do it again.. absolutely. It also means I really need to do something for Scrooge’s Birthday in two days. But that’s future me’s problem. Current day me has his own problems specifically a movie review to continue.  The films genesis was a in a good will tour Disney did in South America, as part of America’s Good Neighbor Policy. FDR started it in order to try and strengthen ties between Latin America and North America, to prevent any sort of war with our close neighbors and to foster good economic ties between both as well as integrate Latin culture into americans lives to make them care about those countries more. And given it was started as HItler’s rise to power grew, and America knew they’d inevitably be dragged into World War II, and thus wanted to put the kibosh on several Latin American’s Nazi Ties. So in exchange for Money, since Disney was struggling due to overextending itself and the big animator’s strike at the time, The US sent Walt and some of his animatiors to South America, where MIckey Donald and Goofy were big and to make a film based there. Hence we got Saludos Amigos which is .. kind of forgettable to be honest, though the Gaucho Goofy segment is fantastic as the “How to” shorts with goofy around the time usually were. But the film gave us Jose, hence why Donald and him are familiar with each other here, and was a moderate success. This lead to the Goverment, who’d already contracted a bunch of propaganda, one of which I covered in my Donald Duck Shorts Birthday Marathon because it contained prototypes for Gladstone and Scrooge, so another feature for South America was a win win: The US got another way to strengthen ties between the Americas, and Disney got a film they could put out during said war to lift spirits, as well as on that would likely be a hit in South America due to them not being under wartime money crunch or the misery of having a war looming overhead. As a side note. I found out after looking at the wikpiedia article on The Good Neighbor Program.. it eventually and sadly collapsed as the US post WWII shifted to the Cold War and thus threw away non interference if it meant beating the Russians. Classy.  So yeah.. this film and i’ts predecessor are technically propaganda pictures. There was also another disney full length propoganda picture about fighter jets, I only learned about this thanks to the slashfilm article I found on the movie that told me a lot of this in the first place. It’s not avaliable but it should be.. though at the very least unlike say House of Mouse, Wander Over Yonder, Penn Zero: Part Time Hero, American Dragon Jake Long, The Weekenders, Pepper Anne and MANY more, it’s absence from Disney + makes sense. And I will continue to bitch about this till Disney actually starts adding more legacy animated shows, or at least makes a few of it’s own, though I will concede reviving the Mickey Mouse shorts that Disney Channel started up is a VERY good first step and i’m sure What If and Proud Family: Louder and Prouder will be fine. I just want more animation content on the streaming platform of one of the biggest animation studios in the world with one of the most storied histories. I’m REALLY not asking a lot. 

That bit of bitching aside I will give Disney+ credit where it’s due. The service offers MOST of the Disney vault for a very reasonable price a month, in crisp HD, and thus allows someone like me, who hasn’t really dived into the disney vault and slept on watching three cabs despite borrowing it from some friends, to dive into beautiful animation like this any time. It also allows me to explore disney’s older films, the ones I want to anyway, at my leisure and it’s a REALLY nice feeling. It’s also nice to have all the various animated shows in nice clean copies. So while there are sizeable gaps in the library, many of which as highlighted above have no reason for not being there and some like Song of the South have DAMN GOOD reason for never being there, I still apricate the service for being a vast, glorious digital library of Disney content as well as stuff they’ve acquired like the marvel show library, and this review would not have been as easy to do without it. So with my opinions on D+ and the exposition for WHY this exists out of the way, as I couldn’t find much else on this flim’s background, join me after the read more for a full review of the film! Who says so? I says so! 

We open with.. the Disney+ content warning again. In my review of the last part of “Catch as Cash Can” I went on about how much I apricated it and it stands: while i’m not blind that it’s a blanket statement to cover disney’s rears, it’s still apricated for them to care enough to force the content warning on the viewer. Given how bad they usually are at falling on the right side of history, this is very admirable. Though thankfully this film isn’t as offensive as the last content warning I got for the last part of “Catch as Cash can” aka “Watch registered White Guy Hamilton Camp play a bad indian sterotype for 22 minutes while my soul slowly dies”. Here there are bits, which i’ll get to now to save me the trouble later: The Littlest Gaucho’s side characters are all drawn pretty carcturish and a bit cringe inducing. The other is of course Panchito our Mexican representative.. who wears a sombrero and shoots two pistols around. And there’s just a tinge of white man going ot another country to get laid with the way Donald behaves throughout the picture. Basically little touches here and there but nothing that spoils the picture overall or makes whole scenes unwatchable. Still worth having the warning up, but not worth getting too worked up over.  So onto the film itself and as mentioned i’ts Donald’s birthday! And I will say the film has lots of great little gags here and there.. I won’t be pointing all of them out because this film was 70 minutes long but their very charming. HIs first gift is a projector and screen.. which he naturally has to fight to get working and which first projects on his ass, already a good start. And a general thought I like is how receptive Donald is to soaking in another culture. He just seems joyusly enthralled by the various films, gifts and places his friends bring him.. 

But again we’ll get to that. Point is it’s very nice to see Disney portay learning about another culture so positively and with such a hot head as donald. Even if i’ts in part to appease the US Goverment, ther’es a genuine feeling that they truly fell in love with these countries and aren’t JUST shilling them because it’s in their contract, but because they genuinelly liked it there.  So with that we get to our first segment. See the film is one of Disney’s Package films, anthology films taking a bunch of short segments and pasting them together, but here it’s framed through the narrative of DOnald’s birthday, so there is KIND of a plot.. but it’s mostly an excuse for musical numbers, short films, and more musical numbers.

Dammit Elmo, we will get to it! So naturally i’l lbe dividing up this review into various pieces. First up...

1. The Cold Blooded Penguin: Life of Pablo, The Good Version This is a brief but endearing short about a Penguin named Pablo who dosen’t like cold weather, can relate, and wants to move to some tropical paradise, again can relate. It’s BARELY related to the theme of hte movie, celebrating Central and South America, but it’s so damn charming I can’t help but love it. And Pablo is so damn adorable, as are his friends. I mean look at him. 

He’s just so precious and you just want him to finally get to his paradise with the help of his friend, his boiler there smokey joe, and root for him as his farewell party dwindles from a bunch of penguins to just bob and gary here. 

I may love Gary, the tall one, more than I love Pablo honestly> His sad eyes or the way he’s the ONLY one who sticks it out to the end, seeing Pablo off at last. Pablo’s first attempts, going without his boiler, which just ends iwth him freezing and attempting to carry smokey joe on his back both fail, he eventually decides to go with a boat and cleverly simply saws the ice berg he’s on so it’ll drift with his house and possessions, and has Gary hit it with a bottle both to christen it and to send it flying. Plus having bags on the bags on my eyes myself, I can relate to their tired expressions. As can we all after this year. Just a month and a half and it’s finally blessedly over. 

Pablo makes his way through, finally finding his island only to nearly have his iceberg melt before he gets there. But he persevers and gets his paradise, even adorably eating a banana> Though it ends on a mealoncholy yet still funny note of Pablo missing home even though he has a pet turtle/butler now. Man I want one of those.  One final note is that the short is narrated greatly by Sterling Holloway.. aka the future WInnie The Pooh using that exact voice which while a little weird in hindsight, just makes the short that more adorable if you imagine Pooh is reading a story to you. Just a really damn cute short with some good and intentive gags, and penguins. I mean i’ll be honest I have a soft spot in my hart for those tudeoxed boys thanks to the comic strip BLoom County and it’s lead character Opus taking up a LOT of real estate in my heart and brain. Here’s a few samples of him just so you get why.  

Just a sweetheart. Though his honker would grow exponenitally with time. And once get grabbed by a card carrying MAGA asshole. But I can talk about my boy here and this strip again another day. Point is I may love pengies but even that aside this is a good short and a good way to start things off. Sadlly the pacing then lops out a bit as the next two bits aren’t QUITE as entertaining. 

2. Birds Birds Birds: Of Arcuan BIrds and Toucan Sex Donald then watches a film on birds, and i’ts basically just a bunch of short funny gags with various tropical birds. There are a FEW notable bit sin the short, and I will get to them now, but otherwise it’s just okay.. not great but not exactly memorable. I honestly forgot there was anything BUT the Arcuan bird in this bit. Speaking of which A) The Arcuan Bird, a hyperactive pink little guy who makes a little “yatatata” noise, and boops donald a bit and later shows up in the film to steal Jose’s Cigar. Easily the most entertaining part of this section and there’s a reason why he became a massive fan faviorite, as well as got a more expanded roll in Legend of the Three Cablleros. He’d also apparently later return for another Package Film. What a bird.  B) There’s a bit with Toucans, which I remember because I freaking love Toucans, the big colorful beaks look neat contrasted with their black and white bodies and they seem friendly and the one fictional one besides Toucan Sam I can rmemeber is Tuca of Tuca and Bertie. Nuff said. And because they mention the Tucan’s making love. First off this is how a Tucan makes love. 

And secondly, clealry the term has evolved considerably, but it’s still chuckle inducing to have that term in a disney movie, especially since it makes me think of a number of things most notably this. 

Which, fun fact, is the song that will likely be sung when Donald and Daisy finally have sex in the Ducktales Reboot. Della didn’t buy those choir robes for nothing. Though the joke here is simply that they can’t kiss because they have big noses. GET IT. Though I have seen incompatable noses end marriages. 

See I told you his honker got bigger. Okay onto the 3rd thing from this bit. 

C) The Flamingos, who retract into themselves while Donald adorably copies. What a boy. With that I can move on from this segement thankfully and onto... an even worse one!.. wait... 

3. The Littlest Gaucho: The Boring One  This one’s a leftover from Saludos Amigos, likely because that one already had a Gaucho Bit with goofy and because it’s not very good. But Disney was strapped for cash so use everything you got. And yes I advocated for using everything in my review of life and times part 1.. but that’s more for a shared universe and left “Oh hey I found this short in our garbage let’s put it in another movie to save money” way. I appreciate being cheap, I myself am unemployed and right now these reviews are my source of income, but you could’ve just you know.. let the film be shorter? You didn’t have to waste animation leading inito this bit.  This one is the story of a young boy, as narrated by his older self who can somehow see through the veil of time and yell at his younger self. How? 

But it dosen’t really help the story as i’ve seen far better interactive narrators and ones clearly editing history. Especially since, despite ending on a VERY sour note, How I Met Your Mother was a pro at this. It’s not the film’s fault, but even back int he 40′s I swear they could do this better. 

It’s the simple story of the little Gaucho finding a flying Donkey, befriending him, and then entering him in a jockey race which they win. There’s one or two good gags here, but it dosen’t have the cutness of the previous segments and only one or two good gags. It just feels like filler and if I watch the film again, which I probably will, I will fast forward past this. Thankfully after this we finally get a break. 

4. A Song For Bahia: They call him JOSEEEEEEEEE.. and he’s Donald

Jose enters! Donald’s next gift is a book from Brazil that’s smoking..mostly because so’s Jose. The two friends reunite, with Jose in a story book asking Donald about , what I assume is Jose’s home state of Bahia, one of Brazil’s 20 states and spelled Baia in this movie for some reason.  We then get an absolutely beautiful sequence of Jose’s voice actor singing about Bahia and showing off how beautiful the country is through gorgeous animation. It’s a really marvelous segment and really pretty to look at. And once that segment’s done the film starts to pick up in energy, though unlike the Gaucho segment, the Bahia song is actually good. 

5.  Os Quindins de Yayá: The Sleeper Has Awakened.. and by the sleeper I mean Donald’s Penis.  There’s a few bits here. We start with the wonderful song, “Have You Ever Been to Bahia?”.. which is almost entirely Jose asking that to donald who says no, with some fun mindscrewy animation.. the film has not BEGUN to mindscrew, but we’ll get to that. 

Also for this segment Jose apparently has Jamie Madrox powers.. or he’s from Cragg.. either way, Donald hasn’t been to Baia so let’s go. The boys take a train, the Arucan messes things up again, etc etc and soon their in Baia where two major aspects of the film show up: Blending Live action with animation, and Donald being really horny. It’s not to a creepy degree outside of one segment, we’ll get there, but Donald being really into live action women is a major part of three segments of this film. If your wondering while Daisy had debuted, she wasn’t the ETCHED IN STONE, presence she’d become for Donald. Which I don’t have a problem with, I love them in Ducktales 2017, their one of the few tolerable aspects of the quack pack’s i’ve watched, and they were great in House of Mouse. I”m just saying some works don’t really have her around in them (Donald’s spy and papernik adventures), while other more charming and eligible women are, while others have her as outright abusive (Legend of the Three Caballeros). I’m not against Donsy when done properly, again huge fan of the Ducktales 2017 version of the couple, I just dont’ think it has to be mandatory. The fact the Italian comics made Donald a fairly likeable alien queen as a love interest proves it. 

But yeah here Donald’s thirsty as fuck, can relate, and thus we get our next musical number.. and that blend of live action and animation. I will admit, especially on second viewing.. it’s pretty obvious their mostly using a green screened animated backdrop with the charcters on it. The other segments are much more integrated. That being said.. i’m perfectly fine with it, as Disney was on a really low budget, only able to get financing for package films like this since their main financer wouldn’t given them money for anything but shorts, so it was a workaround, not to mention having a mass talent exodus over the strike and World Fucking War II to contend with. So cheeping out on ONE segment in a large film, and STILL having it come out good is fine just fine. And it truly does, the segment centers around Yaya, a cookie seller and the object of Donald’s affections, though he gets mad when a guitar man slips in and woos her instead for a bit before eventually leaving her alone, with Donald getting a kiss. But while parts of that clearly haven’t aged well, it’s an utterly joyous and fun musical number in an already fun musical, and Aurora Miranda who plays Yaya, and is sister of Carmen Miranda something Disney actually put in promotional materials.... come to think of it I didn’t watch the trailer.. I’ll get to it in a moment. Point is, Miranda is very talented and it’s  VERY fun number. Have a listen since the sequence itself is WAY to long to put video of up on youtube. 

And having watched the trailer during that music break, it’s not bad, I expected more cringe. The most I got was them calling the women “latin american lovlies” which.. seems.. wrong. But with the romance of Bahia setting and Donald dragged out by Jose, we can get into our next segement as, over halfway in, we finally get our third Cabllero 

6. The Three Cablleros: Who Say So? We Say So!

HERE COMES THE PANCHITO Ladies and Gentleman and Others! HERE COMES THE PANCHITO! the moment you’ve been waiting for! HERE COMES THE PANCHITO! the pride of Mexico! HERE COMES PANCHITO! Panchito Pistoles! 

When then meet Panchito who joyfully shoots guns around, because stereotype but thankfully he’s also joyful, jubilant and likeable much like his pal Jose. Panchito’s just a thoughtly likeable character and next to his smooth talking pal, it’s easy to see why the two became huge fan favorites. And thus we get our title track. 

IT’s a beautiful, fun segment, that while some portions, such as Panchito’s yelling or “some Latin baby’ haven’t aged particularly well, is still a fun colorful number with amazing music and great gags, that utterly sells our boys camaraderie. I have no notes, ten out of ten flawless classic number. Who Say So? I SAY SO! Also given both boys kiss Donald at some point.. yeah these boys are bi as fuck and damn i’ts awesome. 

7. Mexico: Bored Again, Naturally.  Donald then gets a pinata and we get a short story about a bunch of kids going around to places only to be told “no shelter no posada”. Like the Gauchito bit.. it’s pretty boring and nonconesquential and only gets a leg up due to being far shorter and a little adorable versus not really as adorable as the segement thinks it is. The kids end up at a party with a pinata. We do get a fun sequence after this nothing of a story of Donald batting a pinata around while the boys mess with him a bit. It’s fun stuff.  Out of the PInata we get another storybook, and another slow segement of Panchito singing about mexico which is a less fluidly animated, and thus far less entertaining, version of the Bahia song.. diffrent song, same premise of a bird melodically and beautifully singing about his home land, but less engaging because it’s just still images. I get they were low on budget but while I can forigve that for the Yaya sequence.. this one.. I just can’t as they not only already did this, but did it less good the second time around. The song is lovely though, and I do miss a time in our culture when we looked at Mexico with fondness and didn’t have a FAR too large portion of our population think anyone from there should go back where they came when they come to our brave country to find shelter, aslym and opportunity just because they didn’t go through “proper channels’ even though that’s difficult. WHat i’m saying is fuck our immigration policy for the last 4 years, and bless the president-elect for planning to fix that ASAP. I felt it was worth mentioning in a review ABOUT a Mexican character who, in the reboot, is an immigrant to America. 

8. Everybody Dance: Another fun number. 

We’re onto Mexico and it’s time for another musical number

So our heroes dance, Donald hits on some more women.. stuff we’ve seen before but it’s still a fun beautiful song and unlike the last bit while the animation has clearly aged enough to be more obvious, it still looks great next to the various live action dancers and blends real well. A fun time that gives us more great music and another reminder from donald that...

I mean I get being thirsty as shit, again can relate.. but the next segment takes it from Donald and the Boys being kinda horny to. 

9. The Beach: Donald Gets Creeptacular

Yeah this bit is .. less endearing. The boys fly the serape over to a beach, and divebomb the girls, which isn’t a sex act.. that i’m aware of. But yeah chasing around several women, and donald leaving the Serape to chase them around old beach movie/benie hill/trying my patience style. It’s cringe is what i’m saying as a man literally chasing a woman around is considered flirtitng here and that’s all kinds of EUGGGGHHHH. The previous segments had Donald be kind of respectful in his woman chasing: while he was pretty horny, he also tipped his hat, flirted a bit, asked to dance you know, normal shit.. not decided “let’s chase them with a serape that will turn them on!’ jesus.. yeah not much to say here either just.. really creepy. But we have not reached peak horny donald yet.. oh no. 

10. Donald’s Surreal Revere: WHAT EXACTLY THE FUCK. 

Dora Luz appears in the sky of Mexico after the boys exit the book and flip to Mexico’s night life... just go with hit and Donald swoons over her before joining her int he book and after getting a kiss from her and swooning over her.. has an acid trip. I .. I don’t know how else to describe Donald’s surreal reverie. It’s clear Walt just told the animators do whatever. I will TRY to describe this sequence as best I can, but I make no promises except what I describe is exactly what happened, see for yourself.

Okay so after Dora’s magical floating kisses, just go with it, kiss donald he explodes, in a rocket blast clearly symbolizing his errection, then becomes a neon sign and a hummingbird, just go with it, tries to kiss Dora’s image appearing on a flower, then Jose and Panchito BURST out of the flower with tiny chipmunk voices and gun violence, a SCREAMING TECHNICOLOR TRANSTION, dora singing the song in the middle of a flower again , donald making out with the flower but it turning out ot be panchito with a giraffe neck saying “Some fun eh kid?”, donald falling through a sea of ladies, donald chasing the ladies on a serape. Donald’s disembodied head looking at the ladies before bursting out of the picture to chase them GOOD GOD DID WE NEED MORE OF THAT?! The boys ending up on female bodies and them some sort of horse abomination. Then we get into what must of inspiried a young david Lynch as donald kisses the flower agian, then ends up in one as they replay a creepy whispery recording of either Jose or Panchito saying pretty girls while we see still images of the girls from the beach. Hummingbird Flower Donald then has a romantic duet with a lady because WHY NOT at this point, then multiple donalds before he spins away. We get one last number with donald dancing with living cacti that turn into mini donald’s that’s slightly more sane and finally this bit is done. IN conclusion. 

I just.. I have no words. The giant mess of text up there should explain it and I purposfully didn’t divy it up as i’ve been trying to do more often, as it deserves to be one long string of nonsense. I just.. it’s beautiful to look at but what the hell was that. Is this going to happen every time Donald and Daisy have sex? Is this what Donald’s brain is like all the time? Did Panchito inject him with pure liquid acid?

So yeah we thankfully conclude the film after that with 

14. The Wrap UP The boys horse around with a bull and then heartwarmingly watch fireworks together.. there isn’t much to add it’s jsut fun to watch and a nice pallete cleanser after loosing my sanity. Isn’t that right keith david?

You always say that! So...

Final Thoughts: I’ve made my thoughts on the various segments clear, but what of the film as a whole? As a whole.. it’s pretty fun. Is it the best film Disney’s Produced? probably not. But it’s a fun, brisk 70 minutes, hampered by a few slow spots and some weird horny bits, and various segments feel like an acid trip despite having never taken acid. But our boys easlly anchor the surreality and thirst and all three have great chemistry both comedically, friendship wise and romantically. It’s also very easy to see why this film and it’s cablleros got big in Mexico and Brazil as the film seems like a love letter to both, and is fairly respectful. WHich for the time, sex tourism aside, is pretty damn inspried. So yeah in conclusion, this is a really fun memorable film, it was even better on a second watch and it’s an enjoyable colorful reminder of Disney’s package film era, which I might dig into a bit.. I just may have to borrow a copy of make mine music.. guess what just got added to my list of “why the fuck isn’t this on disney plussss?” 

Regardless this was a fun review and auspcious start to the ride of the Cablleros. if you’d like to comission your own movie or tv review, hit up my ask box or submit box or shoot me an ask to get my discord. You can also join my patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet, Until then you can check this space for the various ongoing series mentioned and regular Ducktales coverage every monday. Until then, Adios, with a christmas message from my personal fourth Cabllero

[renywrites]

I love your writing! Can you please do 5+1 Things-type with ineffable bureaucracy?

Thank you!! And of course I can, have some angst

(According to Wikipedia and also some forms of Judaism, Zadkiel is the archangel of benevolence, freedom, and mercy. Zadkiel is also said to be a he, but I’m considered to be a she and I say fuck gender so that’s not what’s happening)

*

1.

The first time she questioned, she was only moments old, bathing in the light of her holy Creator, awash with love and wonder and glory. 

“Who am I?” She asked, picking herself up from the floor, her wings new and brilliant and trembling with the effort of simply being in the presence of such magnitude. 

You are Zadkiel, said the one who had breathed life into her, the one who had put every golden freckle on her face, the one who had a Plan for this little angel. 

“Zadkiel,” she echoes, the name clumsy on her tongue. “I am Zadkiel.”

You are the benevolent one, God continues, the merciful one, the one who harbors freedom. You are one of my Seven.

“I am Zadkiel,” the little Archangel repeats, looking up to the One Most Holy, a smile on her lips. 

2. 

The second time Zadkiel questions, she is hand in hand with her lover, Gabriel. They are standing on the outskirts of a crowd, in which the greatest Archangel is speaking. Lucifer was something of a prodigy here, a perfect being who held the attention of everyone around him. His tongue was silver and his reasoning sound. 

At least, it was to a select few. 

“One day he’s going to regret the things that he says,” Gabriel says, his gaze dark and his grip on Zadkiel’s hand tightening. 

The little Archangel blinks, looking up at him in confusion. She’d always walked the line, always done things that had pushed patience or made the other angels nervous. Most said it was her connection to freedom, but Gabriel chalked it up to her ability to be difficult.

“What do you mean?” She asks, and shrinks when her lover turns a sharp glare her way. 

“The things he’s saying are treason, Zadkiel.” He hisses, pulling her away from the crowd to speak with her privately. “You’d do well to disregard him, he has nothing to say that would do any of us any good.”

The little angel averts her gaze from Gabriel’s, staring at the gold cobblestone under her feet. She didn’t like being told what not to think, didn’t like having her feelings disregarded and swept aside. Gabriel was good at that, though, especially when it came to the Great Plan or anything related to it or Her.

“Alright,” she relents at last, if only to have him release his crushing grip on her hand. 

He does, relief seeming to help him relax. He tilts Zadkiel’s chin up, giving her a kind smile and leaning down to kiss her. “It’s better this way.” He murmurs when he pulls away.

But Zadkiel wasn’t so sure.

3. 

The third time she questioned, it was in a private nook of Heaven, in the lap of her lover. 

Lucifer had been cast out of favor, banished to tar pits and fire and endless suffering. A handful of angels had come too, and Zadkiel had nearly been one of them. She had seen the disappointment in Lucifer’s eyes when she had shied away and hidden behind Gabriel, still walking her line.

After nearly driving herself mad with guilt and doubt, Zadkiel had to tell someone. And who best to tell than the one she had fallen in love with?

Gabriel listened silently as she spoke of treason and guilt and worry — so many things that angels were simply not meant to have. He let her speak until she was out of breath, out of words, and finally feeling a bit better. 

“Zadkiel,” he says, slow and soft. 

“You haven’t the faintest how worried I was,” the little Archangel breathes, turning to face him, a relieved smile on her face. “I thought I would burst!”

“Zadkiel,” he says again, a little louder this time.

“Maybe I was wrong, you know? About all this? Maybe I was just being silly.” 

“ZADKIEL!”

The littlest Archangel falls silent, looking up at her lover. Gabriel’s face was stone, his eyes cold and hard, his mouth a thin line. Her smile fades, the relief following. 

“Gabriel,” she says, her voice wavering as she realizes the gravity of what she had done. What she had said. “Gabriel, can you still love me? It was only a slip, just a lapse in judgement…”

“I do not love traitors.” Gabriel growls, and shoves her away.

4.

Her next question comes from ichor stained lips, from the depths of a place that had sounded so good when it had come from Lucifer’s stories. The air smelled of singed flesh from the wings that had been burnt black as a punishment for her crimes. Her beautiful freckles, the ones that had been painted so delicately in gold all those years ago, were now blood and diseased flesh. 

There was an emptiness in her heart, if she even had one now at all. An absence. A place where once, she could feel the love and warmth around her. Now all she felt was rage, and hatred, and disgust. 

They had watched her fall, with pity! Those who she had called her friends had looked away when she begged for forgiveness, when she screamed and cried and was torn from the sky. They had watched Her shatter the halo that tied her to the stars, and had done nothing about it.

Tears drip from her eyes, her breath coming in ragged gasps that sounded like something a wild beast would make, not one who had been part of the Heavenly Host. All this for a simple doubt? All this for a slip, for questions that had been asked by another?

Zadkiel looks to the heavens and screams, cursing the Creator that had created this. She screams until her voice breaks and she gasps for air, her voice as broken as the mess she had become. 

“Why?” She asks, to one who was not listening. To one who would never listen again.

5.

The next time she sees a part of the heavens, she is called Beelzebub, and she is a Prince. 

It takes her by surprise — all the angels were supposed to have left Eden. It was her job to clean up what was left, take what Hell needed, and leave the forsaken garden. All the angels were supposed to have been gone.

Gabriel doesn’t see her, not at first. 

Do you remember me?

When he does, there is no recognition. There is no trace of the love he had once freely given, only the disgust and repulsion that she had seen the day she Fell. Gabriel looks as though he’d rather be anywhere else, looks more pretentious than she remembers, and she vows specifically to make him suffer for what he’d done to her. 

+1.

Six thousand years later, after a failed end of the world, Beelzebub finds herself in bed with none other than the one she had loved so many years ago. 

It had become a regular occurrence for him to be in her bed, sometime after Rome had fallen. Try as she might, her rage died quickly, and it was easier to bed him than to admit that still, in some ways, she missed him. But as the years went on, their hate-fueled fucking softened, and turned into an attachment neither of them knew they needed. 

Gabriel had gone from the thorn in her side to the only one she wanted at her side. He didn’t remember her from Before, but after millenia, she didn’t really remember herself either. Just this. Just the decay and the power and the throne. Zadkiel was dead, and what remained was something better.

Her questions faded over the years, too. She no longer cared why she’d been cast here, just how she was going to get an army in gear enough to get her paperwork finished. Gabriel had proven his loyalty many, many times in hundreds of different ways, so there was no question anywhere near that. 

Now she was more concerned with lazing about in bed with the Archangel, his hands on her skin, and perhaps the lazy pleasure that came with it.

“Morning,” comes Gabriel’s voice from behind her, rough with sleep and from the activities they’d indulged in the night before. His hand wraps around her slight waist, pulling Beelzebub flush against his body.

The Prince pretends to be irritated, wiggling around in a half attempt to get closer and a half pretense of annoyance. “Ugh, you’re too hot.”

“I know,” the Archangel says smugly, pressing a kiss to the back of her neck. They both knew she didn’t mind it either way. 

Beelzebub rolls over, settling into his chest and looking up into those purple eyes. Gabriel gives her a lazy smile, his arm adjusting to rest on her back. The casual intimacy had been too much, once, had hurt too badly. It was a reminder of things she had once had, and until Beelzebub realized he didn’t remember, she thought he was making fun of her. 

But now she knew the truth. Now she could look into his eyes, bask in his warmth, and feel safe enough to be vulnerable like this. 

Now she could look into his eyes, into the I love you that always lingered, and for once since the beginning of her life, didn’t find the need to question it.

[luiletulip]

Little Women.

I’ve always wondered what my purpose in life is.

What does it have to do with the things I like? Are we born into this world equipped with passion, interest, talents to fulfill our purpose? Or are we simply lying to ourselves, thinking we might actually have meaning to live? 

Faith tells me it’s the first option, but most times my darker side whispers and believes it’s the latter.

I rewatched Little Women last night. I’ve always been fond of the book, as well as the 1994 movie starring Winona Ryder. However, the one I watched last night was the modernized version that premiered last year in 2018. 

I’m surprised at just how many Little Women movies there are, seeing that they’re going to be releasing another one this December, and well, where was I going with this? I had a story to tell.

Ah yes.

Little Women.

Out of the four March sisters, Beth has always been my favorite.

Growing up I didn’t really have a specific reason as to why I find her the best sister other than, “She’s so kind, so gentle,” (as I would tell my mama). My mama was more of a Jo fan, she says she sees herself in Jo March one way or another. 

This got little Luika thinking, “Which March sister am I most similar to?” 

Obviously, it wouldn’t be Beth, no matter how much I hoped I would be. She was basically an angel, and I am not that kind, patient, supportive sister I wish to be if I’m being honest.

I’ve always thought that if Beth was out of the options, then perhaps the best choice would be Meg? 

I tried identifying with her in my teenage years in a sense that I too wanted a family, I too wanted to fit in, I too wanted to live a simple life. I wanted to value tradition, home, and everything else that would fit perfectly in our society. 

Only to later find out (as I matured and grow and heal) that I couldn’t, I wouldn’t want to live a life like Meg’s.

There’s nothing wrong with it, obviously. It’s a beautiful dream to have a family. It’s a wonderful thing to fit in and be accepted. It’s all good, all valid. I used to think it was all I’ve ever needed and wanted as well, which is why I sided with Meg all those years every time I watched the scene where Jo confronted her about her life choices. 

In a way, I still do, the way Jo forced her opinions and values on her sister wasn’t the right thing, but I’ll admit that now I somehow do understand where Jo is coming from. 

Could it be because I feel the same way?

I’m a dreamer. There’s no one in my life (if they know me really well) who would say otherwise. I’ve always been, and most probably always be a dreamer.

When I was in the ninth grade, I’ve mapped out my life in the happiest, “quirkiest” way I wished to live. Owning a beautiful house by the beach? Happily married to the love of my life? Living lavishly off my art and writing? Having adorable twins at the age of 26? 

Now that I’ve reached 26 years of age, all I could say to myself was, “Dude for real, what were you thinking.” 

In short, I felt like current me was in a way criticizing ninth grade me the way Jo did to Meg. But there’s nothing wrong with Meg’s dream (or mine back in ninth grade)! Nothing wrong at all. It just wasn’t my dream, at least not anymore.

The more I grow (mentally and spiritually as well as physically) the more I start to accept myself; my flaws, my thoughts, my feelings, my struggles, my strengths, my faith, and the more I start to become myself.

See, I have this tendency to please people. I’m a people pleaser. It’s not even about making people like me, it’s more about having people not disappointed in me. 

As good as this tendency might be in certain times (like when it motivates me to do better in everything I do or putting others first in decisions always) it is just as toxic when I have no control over it.

And so I do believe that ninth grade me, trying so hard to fit in and conform into what my friends, family, and society wants me to be, buried my bigger dreams, because younger me back then had huge plans of saving the world. Literally.

There was a shift in my heart, and even if it sounds fake, I really do still remember the feeling.

As a child, I was imaginative, sensitive, and already overthinking things. You can most definitely confirm this with my mama who noticed this first. 

She told me I’ve always been a future-oriented kid, telling her, “When I grow up… Later in the future… A few years from now… Once I’m able to… Older me would…” and all those kinds of talks.

My mama, a person who also loves to talk about the future, saw a little bit of herself in me, but she added, “You were already so idealistic about things. You were a kid. You didn’t need to be, but you were.” 

I suppose she referred to where I started talking about changing the world for the better and saving people at a young age.

Not here to praise my “idealistic” and “unique” personality as a child (because I know I’m not alone, there are so many children out there who think this way) but to show that I was born with this kind of personality. 

I grew to be an idealist, a dreamer.

Back to discussing the shift in heart and burying my “bigger” dreams.

I thought I just “grew out of it” and began to accept reality, when in truth, I was just adapting and changing myself, accommodating to society. 

The need and want to fit in was so strong in me that I remember getting nervous every time my school would make us take personality tests. I tried so hard to score a Sanguine, a type I believed to be popular and well-liked.

But as I was taking the test, halfway through I realized that I can’t lie to myself. This isn’t who I was. I’m not the energetic and sociable Sanguine I wanted to be. Nor am I the strong and confident Choleric I wish I was. I stopped halfway and decided to just be honest. I got an invalid result.

Curious me began to learn more about these personality-related things, and it took me a couple of years to finally settle and accept myself as a Melancholic-Phlegmatic.

Not the most exciting type or combination, I guess, but it’s me.

Now that we’ve established that about my personality, I’ll bring this back to Little Women.

Jo March. I’m not much like her. I’m not assertive, not as brave to speak up my mind, and not confident in myself as she is. I am, however, as passionate and as idealistic as this character . . . and I find myself relating to her a little more than ever.

I came to understand that it’s okay for me to dream big, to feel like I have a different purpose, a different path than what the general public does. It doesn’t make me “special” or “weird” or “unique”. It just makes me, me.

Studying MBTI and personality traits (some psychology in general too) helped me see that no one is the same in any way. Alike, maybe, but never the exact same. 

Everyone is different.

Everyone has their own character, their own dreams, goals, struggles, pain, strengths, weaknesses, stories, motives, nature, nurture . . . I can go on and on.

The point is that I think no one should change to fit in. Because sure, we’ll fit in in some cases, but are we ever truly who we are? 

My friends who are in the MBTI community online (yes, there is such a thing) have this “joke” where we say, “We live in an extroverted world, where everything is trusted in senses.” 

Basically, if you’re an introverted intuitive, you’re screwed. Great.

Some might embrace the weirdness, having a sense of pride being “different” and “unique” and “special”, some others (like me) feel burdened. 

Feeling like you don’t truly belong to any social group or even in this world isn’t a pleasant feeling for me personally. Having to shift and change and morph into someone different other than my true self is uncomfortable.

I’m not saying I change a good 180, but I’ll admit I tweak my actions and behavior here and there to adapt to the person I’m with. I’m only ever truly myself when I’m alone. That shouldn’t be the case. My people-pleasing tendency gets the best of me most times.

You shouldn’t change your personality to fit in. Not saying change is bad, in fact, change is very good depending on what your motive is. 

So I guess what I’m saying is that if there is change, it shouldn’t be for society, it would be best to change for the better. The better version of ourselves. For ourselves.

Changing for the better is also known as growth, healing. 

I’m really trying to do this, taking it one day at a time, finding my purpose in life. Which is it again? Wait, I’m back to square one with the whole life purpose and all. 

I guess to summarize: 

I feel like I’ve gotten to know myself better through learning about personalities, I’ve accepted the way I am and now learning to better myself to fulfill my life purpose, in which I have always thought to be something else. 

I feel like I’m not made to walk down the road most people go, not in the pace society sets for me, but that’s the thing: I shouldn’t. 

I should go in the pace God set for me, fulfilling the purpose He has for me, and being my true self that He has created me to be.

Sigh.

This post isn’t even about Little Women anymore. It’s a great book, please read it if you haven’t.

Anyway, yes. 

This is just a little rambling, a little journaling for me to sort out some of my thoughts. It may not reach anyone, but I’m glad I did it. I’d love for it to be some sort of help or comfort to anyone reading this, but most importantly it was to me. Healing, growing, taking it one step at a time.

(This post is a mess, but so am I haha)

Lord, let me live my life the way You want it to be. Use me and my life for Your good. Help me change the world even by the littlest things. Amen. Soli Deo Gloria!

See you sometime, maybe. Here’s to all the dreamers. All the love.

[free-pool-trash]

Cuddling with the Free! boys:

Haru:

- Bath cuddles. (Obviously while wearing swim suits god guys)

- He isn’t the biggest fan of cuddling so consider yourself blessed

- Will 100% be holding your hand the entire time

- Hand holding is his favorite form of physical affection so you can bet he’s going to incorporate that into the cuddles

- Likes if you play with his hair

- Like a lot

- Cuddles with Haru will usually lead to really deep talks

- Imagine it’s 2am, your heads on Haru’s chest, staring up into his eyes, you’ve got one hand in his while the other plays with his hair, his free(!) arm wrapped around your waist tightly to keep you close, all is quiet, until…

- “Do you think we’ll love each other as much when we’re 80?”

- Anything along those lines is common with Haru

- People usually get the wrong idea when you tell them you didn’t get much sleep that night

- The cuddles are surprisingly warm and tight, they happen as often as possible because as much as Haru hates to admit it, he needs you close more than you know

- He’s not apposed to being the little spoon every once in a while

- If his days been hard you’ll get a very needy text from him telling you to meet him at his place, if you’ve had a hard day the same applies 

- Makes you feel special type of cuddler

Makoto:

- BIG SPOON

- He’s a literal heater, by far the warmest person in the world to snuggle into save me

- Wraps his arms around your entire body because the height difference between you is ridiculous, you’re the height equivalent to Nagisa compared to him

- But that means that you fit together like pieces of a puzzle, an amazing warm cuddly puzzle… 

- Imagine your back tucked against his chest, his long arms wrapped securely around you while you both talk softly about what you’ll do with your futures

- Ren and Ran 1000% get involved at least 4 times a week, it’s no question that they absolutely adore you and you them, like sometimes when you go to visit Makoto you just end up playing with those two little rascals 

- Makoto thinks the cutest thing ever is seeing you and his siblings asleep all cuddled up together basically using him as a bed.

- The formation is: Mako’s arm around your shoulder as you lay beside him with your head in the crook of his neck and one of your hands in his hair (you were playing with it before you fell asleep). Ran in the same position as you on the other side of Makoto only she was laying on his chest then finally Ren squeezed between you and Makoto, his head nestled into your stomach and your arm wrapped tightly around his waist while he hugs you like a teddy bear

- You end up in this position every time without fail

- Makoto definitely has taken a billion pictures of this, it’s without a doubt his phones wallpaper

- You have a thing about leaving butterfly kisses on his neck while you cuddle because it makes him giggle and that giggle lemme tell you– damn

- He loves it, he’ll never admit it, but he loves it. Y’know what? Love isn’t even a strong enough word.

- Makes you feel protected type of cuddler

Nagisa:

- Oh mY G0D,,,,,,, This B0Y,,,,,,,, this,,,,,,, boi

- Hugs you as if you were a literal teddy bear, his hold on you is so tight but in the most comfortable way imaginable 

- You two don’t spoon, you hold onto each other in a bear hug but it’s not your typical bear hug, you both refer to these types of hugs as ‘extra special Nagi-(Y/n) snuggles’

- Alright so,,, imagine you’ve both had a really tiring day at school (everyday with this ball of sunshine to be honest) Nagisa invites you over to his house to ‘study’ which is usually true for about 5 minutes before Nagi starts nuzzling his head into your shoulder complaining about how boring studying is.

- And since this boy has made you soft you give in in about 0.2 seconds

- He’s taller than you so when you guys cuddle he wraps his legs around your waist and arms around your neck, like a koala, a blonde, happy, adorable, sunshine filled koala

- ESKIMO KISSES OH MY GOD PLEASE SAVE ME

- As a couple eskimo kisses are like,, your thing. Some couples hug or give kisses on the cheek, you two? You do it all + an eskimo kiss because you’re extra

- His hugs could end wars if we’re being honest here, if you’re having a hard day Nagisa is there and he will give you the warmest cuddliest hug in the universe

- He’s just so pure and soft and joyful keep him safe the world does not deserve him

- His older sisters take pictures of you both cuddling and post them online 

- ‘Baby bro and his girlfriend are the cutest awww!

- Makes you feel like nothing else matters type of cuddler

Rei:

-  Rei is a whole different story alright hold on tight kids

- He is absolutely ridiculous when it comes to cuddling 

- “(Y/n) I can’t I’m studying.” 

- “(y/N) i CaN’T i’M STuDYiNG.”

- This gets on his nerves so you do it until he agrees to give you the snuggles that you deserve for being the most patient girlfriend ever

- One time you got sad because sometimes he stresses himself out with studying and school work that he barely spares you a glance and your mind straight away jumped to ‘Okay he hates me. Great going (Y/n)’… sad bean.

- Rei’s super smart but oh my god he’s so blind, this boy loves you, he loves you so much and that day when he saw the look on your face he was destroyed, he was so worried when he asked what was wrong and you told him he hugged you so tightly

- That was the start of hug tolerant Rei. He discovered he loved your cuddles. He now wants them all the time. You’ve created a monster.

- He’s an old soul and it’s the cutest, when you hang out he wraps one arm around your shoulder and keeps you close then in the other hand he hold up a book and reads to you

- He lives for sleepy (Y/n) trying to stay awake while he reads to you, he loves the face you make to show how interested you are in what he’s reading but at the same time he’s been waiting to snuggle up to you and sleep since he opened the book because lets face it this happens all the time

- You guys cuddle weirdly, he lays on his side, arms around your torso facing you while you wrap your legs under his knees and your arms circle around his neck with your forehead against his chest

- It’s insanely comfortable don’t even question it

- When you guys lie like that he’s constantly kissing the top of your head and it is the bestest thing in the world

- When he falls asleep he nuzzles his nose into your hair but he doesn’t believe you when you tell him because “nuzzling is illogical” but you know he loves it

- Makes you feel complete type of cuddler

Rin:

- Did someone say cuddle monster?

- He is lowkey the softest boy oh my god he makes me weak send help, he loves cuddles, he’ll deny it to the guys but when you’re alone there is 0 shame

- Buries his face in the crook of your neck, he thinks the smell of your hair is so comforting- he’ll notice if you change shampoos

- protective bby boy

- He holds you a certain way that I don’t think words can describe correctly because it makes me way too emotional, 

 (HE’S THE CUTEST OH MY FUCKING GOD, I’M SORRY)

So basically he lays like this and your head is rested on the arm he has behind his head, his other arm is around your shoulders while his hand plays with your hair

- He loves just staring into your eyes, it makes him less stressed about being the captain and helps him forget his responsibilities for a little while

- Gou thinks it’s the cutest thing ever seeing her big brother all mushy with you, oh god he gets the goofiest smile on his face just looking at a sleeping you in his arms it’s too much I’m dead

- You let him cry on your shoulder and give him your undivided attention because god knows he’s got a lot bottled up

- When he’s upset like this you end up just cradling him against your chest while his arms are holding onto you for dear life

-  So before a big race you lie in your usual position (The one I mentioned^^) and if you fall asleep he’ll kiss your forehead and whisper to you

- “I’m gonna win this one for ya, babe”

- And he does

- You can get him to do anything if you promise him cuddles

- a n y t h i n g

- Makes you feel at home type of cuddler

Sousuke:

- He has a playlist specifically for cuddling 

- It’s full of cute duets and slow songs, A+ for this boy because he makes sure to add in your favourite artists

- Alright down to business

- He hugs with his entire heart, it’s not his favorite thing to do but he doesn’t not like it either

- You lie your head on his chest and one of his arms is around your waist and the others under his head

- He shares an earphone with you, awwwwww

- He plays with your hair constantly, it’s actually his favorite part of cuddling, another is the fact that he can sleep without getting called lazy by Rin

“I came into the dorm today and you were asleep.”

“And?”

“It was like 2 in the afternoon, what the hell man?”

“Yeah my girlfriend wanted to cuddle, I was just being the amazing boyfriend I am.”

“Whatever.”

- THIS POOR BABIES SHOULDER HE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS TO BE HAPPENING TO HIM OH MY GOD 

- You always always always give him little shoulder massages, he sits in between your legs while you do this

- He also secretly lives for when you leave little kisses on his injured shoulder 

- “Feels better already”

- He’ll always lean down and peck you on the lips before you fall asleep because it always makes you smile and you end up falling asleep with a little smile on your face

- Rin can lie to himself all he wants but when he comes back to the dorm and sees you two all cuddled up and asleep his hard-ass facade fualters a little bit

- Sousuke will sometimes sing along to whatever song is playing and that is enough to melt your heart

- Makes you feel like you belong type of cuddler

Nitori:

- Littlest of spoons

- Hold him tight please

- We all know this baby boy wants to be the best swimmer he can be but sometimes that means he overworks himself and spends longer in the pool than is good for him

- Hence, as his girlfriend it is your duty to drag him away from the pool, get him warm and fed then haul his ass to bed and show him through warm secure hugs that you care about and love him very very much

- He’s so amazing and it hurts you so much how insecure he can be sometimes like I’m sorry bby I love you so much

-When this happens you get all sad and just kind of wrap yourself around him as if you were a koala on a tree and rest your chin on his shoulder until he accepts the fact that you’re in love with him and most likely always will be

- Once he realizes that you aren’t going anywhere he kisses your cheek and thanks you for being so amazing

- You’re a little bit taller than him so when you cuddle his heads in the crook of your neck while his arms are circled around your waist, one of your arms in under his head usually playing with his hair while the other’s thrown over his waist

- He is the most gentle human being and he has softened your heart by 100000000000%

- He deserves the world and to him that’s you

- You kiss his beauty mark and he gets all blushy and smiley

- He gIGgLeS, it is the actual most cutest thing

- He’ll always take charge of the cuddles if you’re upset. He is hands down one of the best comforters ever.

- It’ll be the same way you both normally cuddle only the roles are reversed and he just strokes your hair so gently it’ll make you instantly calmer

- Makes you feel like you’re important type cuddler

Momo:

- Energetic to the max

- Okay he has a lot of energy but that won’t stop him from being the sweetheart he is, you wanna cuddle? Okay let’s cuddle.

- Cuddling usually starts off with a tickle fight followed by some rolling around trying to find a comfortable position

- Never one designated position 

- You could be spooning, one of your heads on the others lap, sometimes Momo just flops down on his stomach and you just kinda lie down on his back and neither of you will move for like 3 hours

- He’ll talk to you about his beetles, you don’t really care but it makes him happy so you listen intently watching the dorky little smile on his face

- “OH OH AND THEY’RE NOCTURNAL SO THEY ONLY COME OUT AT NIGHT SO THEY’RE REALLY TOUGH TO CATCH, NOT FOR ME THOUGH- GEEZ HOW LUCKY ARE YOU YOUR BOYFRIEND IS THE KING OF STAG BEETLE HUNTING!”  

- You being half asleep by this point

- “Mhm, that’s great babe… really really great, I love you.”

- He just laughs at you but then starts to gush about how cute you are

- After he’s sure you’re asleep he gets really sentimental and he talks to you 

- “Maybe I’m the lucky one, ending up with someone as great as you, huh?” Then he’ll brush the hair from in front of your eyes away behind your ear and kiss you ever so softly on the tip of your nose before he finishes “Yeah, I’m definitely the lucky one.” 

- I’m not dying inside

- He’ll probably drool on you once he falls asleep.

- Makes you feel loved type of cuddler

Wow this took me so long so I’m putting it up, yeah I know nobody asked for this but I want these boys to cuddle me, writing this killed me inside a lot, anyway hope you like it!

[atlasifyllm]

Because yes

1. Your first OC ever?

I would say Queen Mana, my self insert alicorn pony princess, but in all honesty I'd say my Littlest Pet Shop toys from 3rd grade that I gave each a persona or my mouse character "Licky" and his sister "Lucky". Yeah Licky had quite the unfortunate name. As for my LPS toys, I'm not sure which was my FIRST among all of them, but I do know the first ones were Trevor and Erica! They were a happy married couple~

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?

Ooh, I gotta say I have one for each story. Though among all of them? I HAVE to go with Cobalt Zaffre from DOTS: DD. Honestly my fave out of the DOTS peeps, I love his design (thanks Raven), her persona, his character arc, god I love this dickhead

3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?

Honesty no? I did base Rose off of a friend's OC, but that was years ago and she's more original now.

4. A character you rarely talk about?

I gotta say Agent Silver and Agent Neon from MAR, mostly since I've been pretty dry with MAR ideas and have near no hope to revamping them both from their 5th grade counterparts. That and the protag of D.exe, since I'm revamping them too. Pretty much any character I've planned on revamping but haven't really gotten to yet...

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?

COBALT ZAFFRE. I honestly feel like he's worth the fame, though I'm probably biased-

6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?

Yang and Tig! When designing one of them into DOTS, I created Yang with Tig's original palette concepts of 2016 with no intentions of bringing Tig into the story yet. Though that changed, and I brought Tig into DOTS: DD and got too attatched to their palettes to change them. I have thought of changing Yang's design, but I got too attached so Tig and Yang just so happen to share the same hair and skin tone.

7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?

The real question is who ISN'T apart of any story? I get too attached to OCs easily so I'd either need to make a story or put them into a story! I did have a void character for a week named Benvolio, though I found him a place in "Dragon Destiny"

8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here!

I've never actually roleplayed before! I have thought of opening an askblog for Turquoise Sky from DOTS: DD, though I've lost most motivation for continuing it

9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?

I'm too attached to my babies!

But in all honesty my brain makes so many character concepts that I could legit probably sell them at this point for the characters I REALLY don't need.

10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design?

I don't have a picture of her on-hand, but the first that comes to mind is Nio from Chrisis! Mostly due to her rainbow sleeves and cards...

A close second is Iris from the DOTSverse, though it's honestly just due to her hair being a gradient AND layer mode at the same time.

I'm sure there's more though, I can never keeo track of them all!

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “cinnamon roll”?

Rose Morganite from DOTS: DD and Nimbus Fulmen from AuAg! Both are sorta naive kids who don't know what's going in too well...

My other kid OC is basically Ed Elric except with Queen Moon's look-

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot

fuck it i'm calling them out @ravenwolfie97

I REALLY LIKE SKYLAR BINCH

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

Tig is sorta on the border between troublemaker and full-blown villain. Though my new OC Roman Rho from Dragon Destiny seems to fit that description? Others include Kaiser and Shadow from Last Light, Aquamarine from SOTGC, the entire cast of Sky Games, Viobalt and Charoite from Chrisis, Ater from the DOTSverse (somewhat), Ala Blaster from DOTS: SF, Reed from ROP, Akumu from D.exe, Mika from ZP, and... yeah I hope that's all of them

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory

Cobalt Zaffre from DOTS has a pretty angsty backstory so far, though I can't spoil that right now. Iris actually has a sad story too, but I can't spoil that either. Have some runner ups!

- Bluebot (Beyond Repair) Bluebot is the only android that is utterly seen as useless by Eris, the main AI

- Storm Gray (Dragon Destiny) Storm was treated more as an experiment than child by the scientist who made him, having him be bullied by his scientist's son, Roman

- Ventus Fulmen (AuAg) while he isn't a full blown "angst son", Ventus got into prison thinking his girlfriend was shot dead by soldiers

- Viobalt (Chrisis) Viobalt is trying to strive beyond the void since his own universe was erased from existence by the creator

- Pretty much all the Darksiders in Last Light. Each Darksider succumbed to a dark, deep form of Despair, which caused them to turn into monsterous beings seeking revenge, acceptance, pain, or freedom

- The Squire (A Story Told) The Squire lost his kingdom to an evil king, and wants to try and get it back

Those are the ones from the top of my head!

15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?

Oh honey I could talk about my OCs all year

16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)?

I'm gonna say the scientists in Dragon Destiny, since out of the two other brands of scientists in my story (D.exe and BR), the DraDes scientists had to deal with organic matter way more in order to create the dragons. Vincent from D.exe is a close second, though he's more of a specifically neuroscientist than biologist

17. Any OC OTPs?

- Storm x Orlene in DraDes

- Cobalt x Ruri in DOTS: DD (and by extension, DOTS: SF)

- Ruby x Blaze in DOTS: DD

- Yin x Tigerlily in DOTS: DD

- Yang x Vio in DOTS: DD

- Ventus x Vepris in AuAg

- Momo x Ringo in PSG!

- Alpha x Zetto in DOTS: 5x5

- Iris x Alba in DOTS: 5x5

18. Any OC crackships?

- Cobalt x Yang in DOTS: DD. The two palabros honestly are hilarious together as a hugely dumb couple

- Reed from ROP x Zetto from DOTS: 5x5. This is a REALLY odd one, but one time I had a dream that created a new OC that looked like a fusion between the two with a dark blue color scheme. So of course I joked about them having a son, though it's extra funny when Zetto is just a humanoid snorlax made of pure light and eats flowers, and Reed is an energetic anime prince protag boy who's... well, not made of light. And of course, some crossover ships are absolutely hilarious

But my favorite:

- Turquoise x Cobalt in DOTS: DD. Gotta get that good ol fashion Oncest 👍

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

All the Chrises tbh, but especially Cobalt in particular. Cobalt (and by extension, the other Chrises) is based off of the guy who inspired me to continue making stories and OCs, and I can never thank him enough for helping me find that spark that gave me a purpose. Cobalt's everything to me, a coping character and a tribute to the man who inspired me to be this creative. I created the other Chrises because I want the creativity that the guy gave me to be a symbol of all my stories, and a tribute to the man himself. Cobalt as I've developed him has represented all the things that remind me of the guy, so he's the closest to him but also with my own twists I adore so I can't help but love him so much! Cobalt, out of all the Chrises, represents the man who's inspired me to be a creator to this extent the most, so he means so much to me. The other Chrises are a VERY close second, since they represent him in various ways too that is both a tribute to him and a symbol of me, though Cobalt represents him the most.

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

HA! EASY! The Zero Percent crew 100% (pun intended)

Robin I can see sounding probably like a mix of the singer from Set It Off (Sorry I don't know his name!), Natewantstobattle, and I think Billie Joe Armstrong/Gerard Way?? There's so many good voices crie-

He likes rock music tho! He's in a band so that's a given but... yeah.

Elliot is a newer OC from the same story, but not from Robin's band! He's a lone singer cause I wanted a singer OC who sounded like Adam Lambert-

Outside ZP, I had the headcanon that Yang from DOTS: DD had an embarassing rap phase in high school. Ash Embers from the same story was also in a band, though it disbanded as soon as it was made ;n; I'm not sure if she was the vocalist though? Def rockstar, though. Cobalt I can see having a good singing voice since I've really liked Chris Niosi's singing (sing more Chris ;o;), and Ruri too since her voice claim is Rose Quartz from SU! Not sure on their genres, though... Other punk rockers include Ruby, I have been thinking her voice claim changing to Hayley Williams? Not sure, though...

Lastly, The Bard in A Story Told. She plays medieval music, though it's not particularly good since she'e pretty much a drunken bard who gets around by riding her horse backwards.

Anyway that's 20 questions, hope you 5 peeps enjoyed it, ehehe-

[santiagostyle]

U kno what plot twist ill only ask u for all the even numbers this time!!! Unless any of the odd ones involve music bc i know those are the ones u rly wanna answer so

MARK THE DAY KIDS JO IS BEING NICE TO ME

anyway this is a hella long post lmao s o r r y

2. name your favourite books; why are they your favourite books and do they affect your writing?

my all time favourite is To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee which like,, I feel like it doesn’t really affect my writing but it definitely reignited my love for literature which I guess consequently led to me getting back into writing??

also the A to Z of You and Me by James Hannah literally ripped out my heart and stomped on it and I’m seriously pretty sure I finished it within a few hours of starting it. That one probably does affect my writing because it’s very angsty but also in terms of style it’s pretty fragmented which is kinda the direction I tend to go in so!!!

I’m yet to make it past the first chapter but the style of Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy is,,, everything 

not technically a book but I’m a theatre major so ofc i’m gonna include a play!!! 4.48 Psychosis by Sarah Kane ripped my heart out, tore it to pieces, threw it on the ground and stomped on it (also side note it took me a solid week and a half to recover from watching it performed live). the style is so abstract and disjointed and strange and fragmented but it’s so so perfect and absolutely heartbreaking (also big ass trigger warning if you’re thinking about looking it up)

ALSO i got about halfway through before life got in the way so I didn’t get the chance to finish it but I absolutely adore the style of Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury and like,,, fun fact I’m actually related to him so ???? i guess writing runs in the family ????? and yeah there are some small parts of that book that I read and thought ‘this sounds like something i would write’ just because i feel like we have pretty similar styles4. why do you like writing? what inspired you to put paper to pen?

I guess I haven’t ever really been happy just living one life or doing one thing at a time so,,,, I write 6. tag any writers that you want to collab with!

hoooooo boy um ?? literally ?? everyone??? but specifically @elsaclack @startofamoment @kasuchi @peraltiagoisland and my girl @johnnydora but for real i wanna write with EVERYONE 8. how many wip do you currently have? which one is your favourite as of the moment?

HA HA HA HA HA for real I literally have like,,, 4 Big Major Fics in the works and then like 11-12 little drabble things also in progress (and by in progress I mean I’ve thought about them and done absolutely nothing else)10. describe your writing in five sentences or less.

sentences suck imma do dot points

- I can’t write chronologically and the beginning of a story is usually the last thing I do

- I have a tendency to write ‘moments’ as opposed to actual full fledged stories if that makes sense? like I find it so much easier to write little ‘scenes’ or slices of life so i often use quite a few time jumps because i find it so difficult to write the stuff that occurs in between big moments

- i always spend so much time and so many words describing the littlest details because those are what i think are most important 

- literally everything i write has a song associated with it and i can’t write without music 

- i either use really long super flowery descriptive sentences, or sentences with like 3 words in them. there is no in between 

12. what do you associate with each of your stories? with your writing in general?

I mean I’ve only published two (2) things on here/ao3 so far but like I mentioned before the music thing so I suppose i associate particular songs with each of my stories?

but also like in general all of my writing comes from a really intense emotional place and like, even if I’m unsure of how my?? mental state?? is doing at a particular time, it comes through in my writing. so if i suddenly only wanna write fluff i know i’m doing okay, whereas i kinda have to be sad to write something angsty like the hellfic14. write a personal history/mini autobiography/author description that you don’t mind sharing.

smol anxious tina fey wannabe spends too much time crying in her room thinking about so many stories while putting off actually writing 16. three pieces of other’s writing that people need to read to understand your inspirations and you?

alright i know like everyone and their dog has already read it but foR REAL @elsaclack‘s sleepwalking changed my goddamn life alright it was literally everything i had ever wanted in a fic and i am still Shooktd to this day okay frick

Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho is also a book that is very important to me and I think everyone should read it 

Neighbourhood Watch by Lally Katz is the first play that actually made me cry just by reading it (like, I didn’t see it live, I cried reading the actual text) because god there’s so much emotion and so many issues that it deals with that are very close to my heart and it reminded me a lot of some people I’m very close to so!!!!18. make a playlist for people to listen to if they want to understand you.

AIGHT I DON’T HAVE TIME TO DO AN ACTUAL PLAYLIST RN BUT I’M GONNA EDIT THIS LATER AND ADD A LINK BUT FOR NOW HERE ARE SOME OF MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE SONGS:

America - XYLØ

Young Blood - The Naked and Famous

Go Bang - PNAU

Sucker - Peaches

Raspberry Beret - Prince

Salvation - The Cranberries

Hero - Regina Spektor

Caught - Florence + The Machine

Time (Video Version) - Stray Dogg & Devendra Banhart

Leaving the City - Joanna Newsom

September 22nd - Brock Berrigan

Havana - Camila Cabello

Queen of Peace - Florence + The Machine

Regular Touch - Vera Blue

Here I Lie - Marika Hackman

Maneater - Nelly Furtado 

Kiwi - Harry Styles

Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON

Baby I Call Hell - Deap Vally

Motel - Meg Myers20. describe your writing life in one sentence. 

I have been writing since I could hold a pen, and telling stories since before then22. your favourite characters to write and why.

oBVIOUSLY JAKE AND AMY but like I think I find Jake just a tiiiiiny bit easier to write because I’m always talking about Amy, like, externally??24. name one fact about yourself that you want your readers to know about you.

for real i’ve literally been writing since i could hold a pen. my mum still has ‘books’ i wrote when i was 3 about the adventures of my teddy bear lmfao26. what are your writing goals for the week? for the month? for the year? how many words/poems do you write per week?

HAHAHAHH WELLLLLL i was meant to be doing nanowrimo this month but then some Things happened so it hasn’t really gotten done. my biggest writing goal at the moment is to make some soliddddd progress on the hellfic (it’s all planned and a lot of the next chapter is written i just,,, can’t make the words work atm) so!!!

also i pretty much write when i have ideas?? which is,,, not often unfortunately

[aurimeanswind]

Ravenously Impatient—Sunday Chats (5-7-17)

A weird week, a chill day, a couple of beers, and some Sunday Chats. Let’s get started, eh?

Visiting

This weekend friend and confidant Brandt Ranj came in from out of town, and it’s been a pleasure to be able to spend an extra day than usual with my tall bestie from Eastern Europe.

Brandt is the kind of guy that just oozes some amount of wisdom that you can always use, while simultaneously bouncing off in-jokes about specific things you and you alone love, going on esoteric diatribes, and spreading good will with a lovingly joking layer of cynicism and humor. He both reminds me a lot of myself, but is someone I deeply look up to. Whether I need to talk about my latest travesties in my love life, how insecure I am about everything, how I want to travel more, or how to better myself, challenge myself, and explore the things I love and hate, both in conversation and ideology, he is kind of there to guide me along.

He’s from Croatia, and this past visit I asked him why, with the power to move to another place he loves, another country away from some of the many issues him and I discuss often that plague America, that he stays here in the United States. His answer was lengthy, apology-ridden and esoteric, much like any that I’m sure I would come up with, but what it ultimately came down to was a metaphor that I quite liked: it comes down to choosing between a patient with cancer or one running from a wild boar. Both have issues, but by recognizing the privilege one has provided, you get to explore many different things and opportunities that the other may not leave for you. I just really loved that answer.

Anytime I hang out with Brandt I constantly realize my insecurities in apparent regard, and have an insatiable need and want to travel more, specifically out of the country. Brandt makes me a better person who challenges himself more, and he’s a helluva guy to spend a weekend with, and for that I’m ever grateful.

The Ups and Downs

It’s another one of those weeks where I have to push back hard against the depression in my head. I wrote about it a while ago, but as a refresher, the toughest thing I face, and it may be me blaming my depression for something it isn't at fault for, it may just be my sheer immaturity, or it may just be me, but it’s that overwhelming sense of insecurity. In my head, and this past week has been a bit of a bigger problem, it isn’t always like this, but it’s that constant feeling of sending a message, waiting for a response, and feeling the self-made dread in the gulf between.

From sending out a tweet, a DM, posting something to a snapchat story, or waiting for a friend to respond to an iMessage, there is just the crippling insecurity that comes with the wait or the fear that I did something wrong or incorrect. I’ll tell ya, you start to feel like everyone hates you after a while, of course only in your own head, and I am infamous to myself for getting into moods like this. Spending time with Brandt, having the week off from being on the podcast, being a bit alone, either went a way to help or went a way to hurt, but it’s something I aspire to better about myself.

And note this, since it needs to be said: this isn’t a blame game to anyone who has messaged or tweeted me in the last week, nor is it a call to action for all of my wonderful friends and readers to message me and let me know that they don’t mean to cause this anxiety out there. Each week I write these Sunday Chats and try and be whole, honest, and out there, to create that bond with everyone who reads it. I get so many amazing and couragous questions each week, talking about folks’ own insecurities and asking for advice and help. This isn't me asking for help, but merely completing my half of that handshake, and telling you that hey: I deal with my own stuff too.

I’m lucky enough that I’ve surrounded myself with amazing friends who I love and maybe deal with similar thoughts and feelings. So I’m gonna keep working on being better, and I hope me sharing this piece of my head that’s always racking around helped you reading too. All the love.

As a brief aside: vertigo still sucks.

What I’ve Been Working On

4/30 - Sunday Chats

5/1 - Persona 5 Critique

5/2 - Unannounced Alex Talks script

5/3 - The “Run” Games blog post

5/4 - Persona 5 Critique

5/5 - Persona 5 Critique

5/6 - Persona 5 Critique - finished

Clearly there has been one big thing I’ve been working on. The third was definitely my big rut day, and sometimes when I’m in that rut I need to write a blog post about whatever just to break away from a thing I’ve been working on. I tweeted about how stuck in a rut I am, and I think part of that is definitely my insecurities rearing their ugly head this past week, and it bleeds off into everything. 

I have this nature of being obsessive about the littlest things, and there is truly nothing I can do to change the things I’m obsessing over, yet here I am. Obsessed. I give myself a lot of headaches is all I’m saying.

But I think that’s reflected in my work this week. I’ve been pouring that obsession into this Persona 5 critique, which, of course, as soon as I finished thought to myself “I don’t think this is very good”, but we’ll see. I don’t think it covers all the ground I wanted it to, but I haven’t even gone through an editing pass of it, and considering I plan on doing a spoken-word version of it, I will be reading and rereading it a lot.

What’s on Tap

Mega Man X

So I played this for the first time this week!

I’d talk about it here, but Brandt and I recorded a Lets Play series of me playing the whole game, and I talked about it a ton on the podcast.

In short: I loved it.

Persona 5

STILL GOOD.

Flinthook

I made it to the second major boss, and got exposed to a bunch of new perks and “curses” (perks with a catch, essentially) that really changed up the game on that run

It’s still super fun to just jump in here and there and every now and again. I find Flinthook to be an excellent pick up game.

Questions

As always, if you’d like your question to be in Sunday Chats, and thank you all so goddamn much for the questions!!!, feel free to tweet them in the replies to the tweet I send out on Sunday afternoons with the hashtag: #SundayChats.

Hrm, before seeing this live action Beauty and the Beast I don’t think i would have had a good answer for this, but that ended up being probably my second or third favorite movie ever so there really is room for it. I’m very excited to see The Lion King.

Thinking about it.... Hrmm...

Probably Disney’s Hercules. I know, obviously, there have been many-a-Hercules movies in “the live actions” but to see the jolliness to Disney’s Hercules, with all the colorful beasts and gods strew out across Greece, I just think it’d be a really fun, silly romp.

I actually used to watch The X Files with my mom when I was younger. I always thought it was crazy spooky and probably way too spooky for me, which I’m sure sounds silly with how aged that show is now, but I did always love it. And my mom was super into it when I was young.

And yeah, I’m excited Quin! I hope you’re ready. Obviously there are gonna be a ton of hugs to be had.

Ahh, I was waiting for this. Honestly hearing you talk about it all the time Nabeshin, had me quite curious to finally sit down and watch it. I just found out it is dubbed, so hrm... Maybe I’ll try and make the time for it.

I know the whole everyone is going to groan here, but I am trying to cut out some time to rewatch all of Sword Art Online again, since I haven't watched it in over a year, and I like to revisit that one. But we’ll see. I’ve fallen hard off TV, so I just gotta try here.

My Pre-E3 content starts usually the week or two, but let’s be real, the next pre-E3 starts as soon as the last one ends. The leaks, the suspicions, the “this is an E3 announcement” kind of speculation stories. It’s all very exciting. I feel like by this time in May we’ve normally seen a few more leaks than we have as of yet, so that’s pretty exciting. Hopefully everything doesn’t completely leak before the show.

I like to build up to things with listening to a ton of E3 predictions shows, so there is that to look forward to. I love predictions, because I think it really tells you how people think about the video games industry, but because I listen to so many predictions casts, I think it makes it so I feel I don’t have any original predictions to bring to the table. Maybe I can try and separate them out and write them down before I go all the way deep on the podcast-listening this year. But we’ll see.

This is absurd. But I have realized I do do the same ridiculous half-smile in almost all my pictures. I really do the Kinda Funny logo face, and that’s probably why all my coworkers are obsessed with my blue KF hoodie.

But to answer your question... uhh, I dunno? If your smile doesn’t reach your eyes, you’re probably not really smiling.

Oh man, I did go and see this today. I really loved it! Loved it about as much as the first, definitely no less, which I also really really liked.

I mean honestly Drax just stole the show again, but I really loved Rocket in this one too. He had a lot of fun, did a lot of cool stuff, and with Groot kind of off to the side got to steal a lot of the limelight I felt. Him and Peter being the main focuses of the two parallel stories really worked, I felt.

Oh man. So for folks just now tuning in, I started watching The West Wing a week and a half ago, and i’m surprised at how much I cannot stop watching. I haven’t gotten this into a TV show in a very, very long time. Since Gilmore Girls I think?

I’m going to say, as I am on episode 21 of Season 1, tentatively, Josh. I feel like I relate to Josh’s spirit the most, and he really pushes back when he believes in something. And his crush on Joey is super cute. And he doesn’t know how to tell her how he feels, so obviously I relate.

But I do love Toby. Toby’s hatred of all life and its happiness is wonderful and is very much representative of my inner hatred of all things daylight and happy. So he gets bonus points.

This was a follow up, but yeah, Bartlet is very good. Martin Sheen is just top tier.

Hey man, I know you’re going to the rough of it now, and I promise you, it’ll be okay.

I know the feeling, and to you I’d say this thought here: 

we all get too in our own head sometimes. I’m not saying this is true of you in your situation, but there are times when I get caught thinking so negatively about everything you do, maybe in regards to a specific person, maybe people. I talked about it above, that overbearing insecurity that just incases everything about and around you, but when i take a step out and think that maybe the person or persons who that insecurity is coming from are going through the same feeling. Maybe they think I hate them? Or are expecting something completely different, or just have a totally different thought process.

Again, this isn’t completely related, but its part of my darker thoughts this past week, and it’s been a part of what I’ve used to bring myself out of them.

You’re constantly and inspiration to me Roger. I mean, I haven’t put out anything worthwhile in quite some time now, but you’re always doing work. Keep pushing, and know that I’m right there next to you, pushing with you. Brothers, my dude.

Impossible to answer, but it’s probably Inside Out. That movie sent me through the ringer, but I think it’s just such a beautiful and crafted metaphor for emotions and the disconnect we often feel with them. Also, that being balanced in your head isn’t always an easy thing, but it’s a necessary thing. Be sad. Cry sometimes. It’s okay. You’ll be better for it.

This... Goddammit Danny. 

From what I understand, and I am NO PHYSICIST, but from what I understand, as you even APPROACHED the Earth’s core, if you actually got close to it, the pressure would be so great that you’d be crushed to nothingness. The center of all gravity on the planet is there, and the pulling pressure there would probably crush and kill you instantly. No matter how much Inertia you have. Because think about it: gravity, which is building your inertia, is pulling you in to the center. You wouldn't just pass by the center, you’d careen into it and die a horrible, horrible death.

Plus, like, there is magma and mantle and molten core, you’d melt away long before you got to the center of the planet.

Yes I think I’ve played my game of the year. Because of very personal reasons, I don’t think anything will come close to the emotional pendulum swing that Persona 5 has been for me. And Zelda. But yeah, Persona 5 is going to be my Game of the Year. Obviously I’m open, as always, to something toppling it, but I just don’t think it’ll happen.

Fuck that shit.

(but Yu-Gi-Oh GX was pretty good)

I LOVED Gone Girl. I just really liked the two lead performances, and then, you know, Tyler Perry showing up. But I really like how the narrative was illustrated, how the narration worked, and where everything went with it all. Ben Affleck is a total favorite of mine.

It’s worth noting that I have not read the book, which is apparently, as always, better, but I had a good time with the movie. Sitting here now, I really remember the blues of the film used to really great effect.

The first time I watched it was with my brothers on WB Kids via Saturday Morning Cartoons. And eventually, anime would be the only thing we really looked for on Saturday mornings. I don’t think I new it was imported, but my brothers definitely did, and they explained it to me, and I think I understood to some extent? But it really sank in later when I’d watch it on Toonami, where they’d directly reference that it was from Japan.

But yeah, it was probably Dragon Ball Z, specifically the Frieza Saga where I came in at. 

Haha, well, at this rate you can probably call it IP West, considering the flux that is in.

But I don’t know. Definitely make sure it isn’t a Fast and Furious Show, because I feel like that doesn’t have a lot of legs. Honestly, I’d love to see any show you and Jurge do, I think you’d have a lot to say and have very, very different opinions on things.

If you like, maybe we can have a genuinely serious sit down about it at KFL3.

Oh god, I hadn’t watched any TV at all for so long up until watching the West Wing so I can’t guarantee anything would be past its future. I don’t even know if I’ll watch past S1, but I’m sure there will be some cliff hanger that I’ll have to see past and then the dominos will fall and I’ll be dead from dehydration after watching The West Wing for 14 days straight.

Anyway...

Five favorite TV shows? Fuck me that’s impossible. Here are the five that come to my head:

Breaking Bad (easy)

LOST (fuck you, I know)

Sherlock (also easy)

Jessica Jones 

Sword Art Online

Oh Tom, you know how to get right to the point.

Of the sausages? Bratwurst is probably my favorite. Man, throw that on a hotdog bun with a bed of raw onions and a little bit of ketchup, I am in HEAVEN.

Also shoutout to Tom Hawkins’ first Sunday Chats appearance. I miss you so goddamn much Tom <3.

Haha, well honestly, I hate breakfast sausage. Whatever it is that breakfast sausage is, it is a major contributor to me not really liking breakfast food. I know, I’m crazy, but those sausage patties: suck, those little sausages that are always burnt on the outside: also suck.

Context:

https://twitter.com/ALFighter27/status/861377578334121985

I don’t play the rage-hazing game. Although I did talk to my mom at dinner about how nice Greg has been to me lately, and she asked me to explain twitter, mostly because she had see the video where Greg had said he was going to beat me up and then FaceTime her, my mom, and show her how he had beat me up.

But my mom is a very nice lady. And I think she just genuinely wants to meet Greg Miller because I talk about him so much.

I also want to point out that in that first tweet I just think it’s really funny because it looks like Greg favorited his own tweet.

This is also Greg Miller’s first Sunday Chats appearance, and here we are.

<3

Shoutouts

It’s funny, because I was planning this shoutout since Monday, but then Twitter happened today, and I feel like it’s weird to engage with the joking Twitter hazing here in Sunday Chats, where I am always so genuine and open and honest? But I digress. I want to give a shoutout to a friend who got married this week: Greg Miller.

I wanted to take a moment to congratulate the happy couple. I am so lucky to have met Gen, for the first time at PAX East, and can confirm she is just one of the nicest humans. Maybe it’s the Canadian in her, but the bond between the two of them is immediate and apparent.

Greg has been an awesome friend to me over the last year, and hell, he is one of the biggest fans out there of Sunday Chats. He has this habit of thanking everyone of the people that follow him for all they have given him, and he is all the better for it. But I want to say this, which will seem odd after those embedded tweets above, but stay with me here. There are few people who are genuinely kind and approachable as Greg.

There is this picture of Greg that I just spent the last 20 minutes trying to find, and maybe someone else can find it, but he was hosting some panel, I think about a Lego game, and he brought some young kid up on the panel to ask a question. But he had the kid sit where he was sitting to ask it, and there was just this great picture of Greg in the background just stoked as all hell to see this kid up on this panel asking this question. That genuine love and excitement for a fan is all you need to see to understand Greg Miller. The dude spends almost all his energy pouring positivity, good vibes, and appreciation back out into the world, never one taking it for granted.

So yeah, I think he earned his happily ever after. I don’t know Gen near as well, but i’m about to spill some drinks with her at KFL3, that’s for damn sure.

Congrats you two. I wish you all kinds of happiness <3

I’m also just really excited that Greg is open to having kids now, since he was so opposed to it for goddamn ever. Dad Greg is going to be the best.

Okay, whew, that’s all I got. Thank you all so much for reading. I am damned tired, and almost done the first season of The West Wing.

Sometimes the darker and more frustration inconsistencies, insecurities, and self-doubt can get the better of all of us. It sure has for me this week. But we power on. We keep making, and pushing, and growing because it’s what we do. Or, at least, it’s what I do.

Love you all, 

kisses,

and

keep it real.

[brainsforbabyjesus]

Agh sorry I'm so terribly curious, you don't have to answer all of these if it's too much, but 1, 2, 6, 26, 27?

1. if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

A non-exhaustive list of books/movies/tv from my formative years that have in some capacity sculpted my existence (it turns out music has made little impact on me):

The Secret of NIMH

Watership Down

The Dog Who Wouldn’t Be

The Black Stallion

The Littlest Hobo

Pippi Long Stocking

The Raccoons 

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress

The Land Before Time

The Chrysalids

The Hockey Sweater

Robin Hood (but the animated one with foxes)

I’m sure there are others but those were the first off the top of my head.

(Although, now that I think about it that damn hockey sweater story is probably more relevant than what I’d like it to be. I have zero interest in hockey but dear god the ridiculous shit that goes on between leafs and habs fans is probably the best analogy for english-french relations in Canada. And with my mom’s family being the stereotypical Canadian mix of english speakers while my dad’s family was French Canadian (well, those that we know of) the conflict about wearing the wrong hockey sweater is real and aggravating and god, I really can’t stand organized professional hockey but I’m doomed because the Canadian Borg updates with hockey results every month)

2. have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?

No.

6. are you religious/spiritual?

Not really? I mean, I generally agree with sun and water worshipers because I think from a science point of view they’re the most correct. You will literally die without those things so it seems the most relevant. I can get behind ancestor worship because I think if you’re going to try to appeal to some sort of invisible entity your great ghost grandma is more likely to answer and come up with a favourable solution for you. Everything else I just find kind of…weird. Like, why would an omnipotent entity care about you in particular? Or be offended/pleased by literally anything you did?

On the other hand a witch saved my uncle’s life while he was in a pow camp so…*shrugs* I don’t know.

26. how would you describe your gender/sexuality?

A hot mess.

I am probably very likely bisexual. As far as romantic inclinations go I don’t know as it’s lately been coming to my attention that I am not emotionally connecting to people/things/events like other people. So, while I’ve lately concluded that I’m not experiencing romantic attraction the way other people describe it I’m mildly wary of saying aromantic because apparently I also don’t experience a lot of emotions the way other people do. It becomes a question of am I not feeling romantic attraction at all or is it just another emotion that is slightly off kilter for me? It kind of reminds me of that tumblr story/rant about the person who wants more love stories about monsters.

Gender things, I don’t know. On one hand a lot of my adult experiences in the great wide world have been shaped by people perceiving me as a woman (read: dealing with raging misogyny in male dominated fields/areas) and dealing with women’s issues and I’ve learned with varying degrees of success how to navigate that. And my family definitely attempted to socialize me as a female according to their own specifications (which I’ve found are not at all the same as the world at large and occasionally conflict with it). On the other hand several of my friends have laughed at the idea of me being a woman, though they also seem to think I would make an equally hilarious example of a man. And on the other other hand my exes (male or female) have described me as “the most masculine one in the relationship” and more than a few times strangers have assumed me to be a man depending on what I’m wearing and how I cut my hair. Plus, making my own little spawn has not made me suddenly feel ~ magically feminine ~ or connected to womanhood or whatever, mostly my knees hurt. And I’m skeptical of being called mom (although in all honesty that might be emotional hang ups).

The entire mess is only further complicated by the fact that I don’t actually give a fuck about it on a personal level (I find it more amusing than anything) and that I have zero feelings about what other people call me. I mean, really the most emotional investment I have in all this is that I made a chart. Generally my most pressing concern with gender is that strangers usually perceive me to be a woman and that comes with a set of social complications that I find highly exhausting.

So, how would I describe my sexuality: bisexual/¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

How would I describe my gender: I made a chart, please stop making me have human interactions.

27. do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the real you?

Weirdly, I was talking about this with my partner the other day. My mental image of myself is about two inches taller and with darker hair and darker eyes. So when I dye my hair and eventually let it grow out I’m always surprised that it’s an auburn sort of colour. I think the hair and eye colour thing is probably because when I was little I had black hair, dark eyes, and more olive/tan coloured skin but as I’ve gotten older my eyes have gone mostly blue/grey, my hair turned auburn, and my skin tone has gotten pasty white. Genetics is weird, but I guess that’s what you get when your mom has the stereotypical pasty white red haired irish colouring with a side order of vitiligo and your dad is that ambiguous random bag check at the airport brown.

….I think I misread that question but it’s late and I’m tired so I’m leaving it.

[kellynkane]

The Story...from a Bride’s POV

So I created this blog because I wanted to share the WHOLE story from start to finish for whoever was interested. Our love story wasn’t all hearts and rainbows! There were A LOT of rain and stormclouds throughout our (almost) 8 years of being together. So please, continue on if you dare! 

***When I mention song titles during the wedding portion of this, please listen...to set the mood.

I’m going to keep the background pretty minimal, considering i’m sure a lot of you already know how we got to this point. This will be MAINLY the wedding day! (We didn’t have a videographer so I wanted to share from my point of view- THE DAY) feel free to scroll down to the wedding chapter if this begins to be drawn out. Look, i’ve never blogged before so cut me some slack!

So take it back about 7 years and 8 months ago...

(One of our first pics on those old flip phones that had to be turned around and taken in a mirror so you could see...)

We met through friends. I had gone to my neighbor’s house to hang and long story short Adam was there, we hung out, and the rest is history. When they say “head over heels for eachother”, that was what we were. I can’t even begin to explain the love I felt for this kid. (I say kid because that's exactly what we were...two young kids.) We were inseparable. I knew I loved him from the moment we introduced ourselves to each other. Crazy right? 

A short year later we had a baby. Mason Robert Kane. And this my friends is where things ‘got real’. You think you have your crap together? Add a baby to the mix and watch what happens...So basically the next 2 years or so were very rocky. Lots of ups and downs. This was what people would call the breaking point. But our point never ‘broke’. We certainly were pushed to our limits and maybe at times pushed OVER our limits but there was something that just never went away- our love for one another. It wasn’t having a baby guys, I know, I know...you would think this was a big part but it wasn’t JUST that. There was a much deeper connection that even to this day we question as to what exactly it is/was. It’s just something. Something that kept us hanging on, stringing us along all these years.  

Between year 2-5 I would say were the hardest part of our relationship. To our friends who were around, THEY KNOW. But hey, we’re humans. We were young kids when we met. Going through your early 20′s are the years where you actually grow up. They’re the years where you question who you are and who you will be as a human. You question your relationships with not just your significant other but friends and family as well. There are A LOT of ‘what ifs’ and ‘I don't knows’ during these growing up years. BUT these are the years that make EVERYTHING worth it in the end. 

So this puts us at about year 5 and a half. Just when we thought we were through the woods...After getting through some of the toughest years of my young 20 something life, we had ANOTHER baby. (Yes, we questioned our sanity as well.) He WAS an accident. Surprise, surprise. *insert crying laughing face. Or maybe just crying face* No, really Hunter Matthew Kane has added joy to our family we never thought was needed. Very difficult at times, but that’s for another blog post. Like I mentioned before: ADDING A BABY TO THE MIX DOES NOT MAKE ANYTHING EASIER. I REPEAT: “SHIT GETS TOUGHER!” but we made it work. You can’t run away from life. Choosing to have our children and continue on this journey of life together, was what we wanted to do. Did we fight? YES. Did we cry and question things? YES. But again, being able to persevere through all of that and come out on top...well, THAT’S what makes it worth it people! 

So (not-intended) long story short, fast forward to:

Sunday, June 18th 2017

The day we said “I Do.”

Those hard times we went through are what made our wedding day, the best day of my life. It sounds cliche but it truly was the best day of my life. I married my best friend, guys. The man I grew up (into an adult) with. The man I cried and fought for years with. The man I shared so many laughs and joyous memories with. The man who is the other half to my two beautiful boys. I married him. And he’s now mine, mine, mine. *Immature editing there.*

If you’re still reading this, this is where I want to lay out the day for you. Because in my eyes (and hopefully others as well) it was a freakin’ AMAZING day. 

Early Sunday morning I arrived at the venue with my girls. (Bless every single one of them because if it weren’t for them, we may not have actually made it to ‘I Do”.) We began setting up the venue and getting hair and makeup done. 

While I’m getting ready this is what was going on with my other half:

So now, it’s time...

It’s time to put on the dress and do the damn thang. 

The music begins:

***Jason Mraz- I Won’t Give Up

I’m watching from up in the bridal suite all the groomsmen take their places. Then Adam. My heart begins to pound. I watch my girls one by one begin to walk down to the pond. Then, my oldest Ring Bearer Mason and flower girl Gia begin to walk. Mason & Gia begin arguing (as usual) as SOON as it was time to walk. Mason is basically dragging Gia saying “COME ON, GIA!” while she is trying her hardest to throw petals saying “HOLD ON, MASON!” It was one of the funniest things to watch! 

Then, my Grandfather (who is so extremely important to me. He helped raise me from birth. I love that man with everything in me) pulls the wagon which has my littlest ring bearer- Hunter, and littlest flower girl- Renzi. Hunter holding a sign “Here comes the bride!” 

Now music changes:

***The Piano Guys- A Thousand Years

I look up at my Father- a man who I can honestly say, I have NEVER seen cry and I say “You ready?” and with that, he breaks. He begins to tear up and says “I’m sorry, i’m going to get emotional”. Well jeeze Dad, now i’m going to cry! We have to get it together! So after all the tears we begin to walk. 

At this point right here ^, this is what I see:

The man that I am 20 feet away from marrying, in tears. Full fledged ugly crying- tears. And that’s what makes me lose it...Hopefully he was crying tears of happiness and not “now I’m stuck with this crazy woman for the rest of my life” tears. I’m going to go with the first one just for my own sake! 

Here we stand hand in hand (which from the photo up top, I held his hands the wrong way (the manly way) and I’ve been obsessing on it since last week...but whatevs) Jason (who is actually the Godfather of our children and very close friend of the family which makes it even more sentimental to have him marry us...) begins his spiel and then it gets to the part where we exchange our vows. Let me break this down for you- I HATE BEING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. I literally contemplated dropping out of college when I heard I HAD to take speech 101...So you already know i’ve been freaking out about this part since I got engaged. BUT I can honestly say, (without being mushy gushy) as soon as I was up there with Adam, I felt like it was just him that I was speaking to. I felt SO at ease...So we said our vows and then we get to the exchanging of rings. Good Lord, I would be the one who messes that part up. It took me two tries AND reading off of Jason’s paper to get it right. 

After rings, Jason says the all too familiar saying: “You May Now Kiss The Bride!”

With that he announces us as the NEW Mr. & Mrs. Kane!

Music begins (Mind you EVERY song I mention has specific meaning to it. Our music playlist was IN DEPTH. Thanks, Scott Cash for doing a fantastic job!) 

***Eddie Vedder- Hard Sun

I take Adam’s arm and Mason’s hand. And Adam picks up Hunter and we walk down the aisle together. As a WHOLE family. Not just the Bride and Groom but as a whole family unit. Because that is what we are. We aren’t JUST a husband and a wife. We are parents. And more importantly we were parents BEFORE marriage. So it was important for us to include our babies when leaving the main stage. 

(Yes, Mase was crying. He’s an emotional little dude, just like his Dad. And I say little in regards to both Mase AND Adam.) 

Click, Click. 

Time to do what I know I do best- BE A MODEL! (I’m totally just kidding...I absolutely hate having my picture taken, I can selfie it up all day but when I have to pose without seeing myself, totally weird...)

NOW IT’S TIME TO PARTAAAY!

Music begins:

***Beyonce- Crazy In Love

Our bridal party including parents and grandparents get introduced! 

And because I love sidenotes: Adam and I LEGIT got in a HUUUUUGE argument during wedding planning because I wanted Nelly- Hot in Hurr for the entrance song and he was NOT ABOUT THAT life...so that didn’t happen (even though I think it would have been fantastic) but BEYONCE DID HAPPEN! I had to put my foot down for my guuurl.

THEN:

Music CHANGES:

***Rusko Remix- Jahova

I gave the DJ STRICT orders to wait until EXACTLY 30 seconds before he announces us in. THEN at 40 seconds (when the beat drops) we walk in!!!

I know, I know...we’re lame. But like I mentioned earlier, the playlist for the evening is based around songs that represent US! Back in the day 8 years ago when we thought we were so cool going to raves, that song was THE SONG that we loved. So THAT is why we chose it...just a little FYI.

(See that up there ^, that’s Adam doing his little rave dance signiture move. Me on the other hand, i’m just waving it left and right because I have no rhythm...)

Okay if you’ve made it this far God bless you  AWESOME THANK YOU! I’ve realized I have reeeeally strung this along so i’ll try and speed things up a bit! 

FIRST DANCE:

***Chris Stapleton- Tennessee Whiskey

FATHER/ DAUGHTER DANCE:

***Fleetwood Mac- Landslide

Quick sidenote: My Dad had probably a little more booze than he needed before this point so long story short...he was trying to dirty dance with me during our father/daughter dance. Oh well, it makes for a good story to tell!

I mentioned earlier about my Grandfather being a very important person in my life, so I knew it was only fitting to give him a little dancing action. He said “I don’t dance” When I leaned over to him mid-dance with my Dad. So I grabbed his hand and made him stand up with me. As we danced he tells me the story of when he first met my Grandmother (who passed away a few years ago) and how he asked her to dance and she told him he danced like a chicken so he never has danced since. After that, he begins to get emotional and tells me how he wishes she was here. Then we both begin to ugly cry together. It was beautiful. 

MOTHER/ SON DANCE:

***Van Morrison- Days Like This

FOOD:

Now it’s time to GRUB! Look they don’t call me Big Mama Kel for nothin’! I love me some food.To set this scene, we (as in MY DAD) had a whole roasted pig. Kind of gross...I was against it, BUT my Dad wanted it. He paid. End of story. It actually was pretty good!

Speeches:

Carley or should I say Carlaaay & Zack (Our best man and maid of honor) KILLED it on the speeches. Some of the most heartfelt words were said by both of them. They have seen Adam and I both at our best AND worst. So thank you guys. They honestly both wrote such amazing speeches, I was seriously impressed...BUT I have to say, the SURPRISE speech from MASON, was what took the show! He got up there with the mic and basically said how much he loved us and was so happy. Thanks for the added tears Mase! 

*Insert mic drop*

Lots of booze and lots of dancing AND lots of trips to the photobooth

Who in the world did I think I was?...

Beyonce...ALWAYS Beyonce.

Oh and lots of cooling off in the bathroom because it was so hot...hey, I’m really as modest as they come but a brides got to do what a brides got to do. That dress was freakin’ heavy and hot!

(No booze for the kids obv. Just added for cuteness factor! Well, and because they’re my kids duh!)

But can we just pause and take a second for this:

Oh and these too: 

(He spent probably the most time in that photo booth!)

Probably saying “YAAAAASSSS I’m married!” But then again, who knows. I had one too many at this point...

And last but surely not least- My Mermaid-of-honor. My best friend. Carley is the sister that I never had. So thank you for being my right hand lady through this entire wedding experience. I love you. 

CAKE CAKE CAKE

***Aerosmith- Sweet Emotion

This song had no meaning. They just say “sweeeeeeet emooooooootion” so figured it went with the whole cake cutting thing...

Thanks for smashing cake all over me...but hey, that’s what you’re suppose to do right? 

And a little bit of this:

Song Choice: ***Bad Company- Feel Like Making Love

Look at my Dad sitting back there...so proud to have been front row for such a wonderful experience...(This is high level sarcasm here) 

Garter toss & Bouquet toss-

Song choices were:

Garter Toss: ***Jay-Z- Big Pimpin’

Bouquet Toss: ***Beyonce- Single Ladies (of course)

And with that guys, that’s pretty much it. 

OH we played flip cup too, you know...keeping the wedding EXTRA classy! So with that... 

THE END!

For our Sparkler Send-Off song at the end of the night:

***Led Zeppelin- Over The Hills And Far. Of course we waited until 1:28 seconds (because i’m that type of bride, if you couldn’t already tell...) to run through, what should have been a tunnel but turned out to be a circle, of sparklers!

"Hey lady--you got the love I need. Maybe more than enough.

Oh Darling... walk a while with me. You've got so much... "

ADVICE: 

I know I have a TON of soon-to-be bride’s that I am friends with, so if I could give ANY advice at all through this whole process, it would be to JUST breathe! And don’t sweat the small stuff! Seriously…people aren’t going to notice how one flower arrangement isn’t set the way it should or that your ONE piece of hair isn’t laying right (and I can guarantee your significant other won’t notice either!)

Oh who am I kidding? I was sweating every small detail that was out of place and I probably would again if I had to do everything over. But if I could give ANY solid advice it would be to try and sneak away for a few minutes with the one you JUST married and look over your wedding and take EVERYTHING in. They aren't lying when they say your wedding day GOES BY FAST so try to enjoy it! Haha but other than that, just have fun and let loose with your Lovie. It’s YOUR time to shine lady! 

Hopefully you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Re-living this day is amazing.

Love you all!

I would like to thank ALL vendors who were involved in making this day as special as it was. Please feel free to check them out!

Lead Photographer: Summer Mae Photography  www.summermaephoto.com

Photographer: Charlie Peacher Photography

Venue & Catering: Pond View Farm   www.pondviewfarm.com

Props & Floral: Vintage Prop House   www.vintageprophouse.com  

DJ & Photobooth: Scott Cash  www.scottcashphotobooth.com

Makeup: K. Marie Styling Studio  www.kmariestylingstudio.com

Hair: Kimberly Guercio 

Baker: Hollie Watts

*AND* 

 A BIG thank you to my Dad for making my dream wedding a reality! I know we argued a lot the past year, but you did good champ Dad! I love you. Also, a BIG thank you to Adam’s parents- Suzi & Jeff for paying for flowers and the rehearsal din-din! AND I COULDN'T FORGET: a big thank you to my Mama Bear for running around entertaining the littlest of the Kane clan- Hunter during the wedding. He sure does love his Mom-Mom and Adam & I both love you too, Mom. 

Now we’re off to Cabo! 

Toodles,

[johnhardinsawyer]

Things Happen

John Sawyer

Bedford Presbyterian Church

8 / 16 / 20

Genesis 45:1-15

Psalm 133

“Things Happen”

One of my favorite bands is called Dawes – D-A-W-E-S.  I think they’re just great – great songs, great lyrics, great guitar playing, great singing.  A few years ago, they put out a song called “Things Happen.”  The chorus of the song goes like this:

Let’s make a list of all the things the world has put you through.

Let’s raise a glass to all the people you���re not speaking to.

I don’t know what else you wanted me to say to you –

Things happen / That’s all they ever do.[1]

Things happen.  Some of them are disappointing and difficult.  And you and I could rehash all of these things – dwelling on them until they drive us crazy.  But, maybe we should just accept that things happen – always have, always will.

This does sound a bit pessimistic, doesn’t it?  If this weren’t church, you might hear someone resurrect that old t-shirt or bumper sticker slogan, saying that “something else” happens.  But there are things that happen in your life and my life, in the lives of families, and countries, and cultures.  History is, of course, the study of one thing right after another.[2] Things happen.  And, if we were to make a list of all of them, it would be a mighty long list.  On this list, we would, most definitely, find moments of great good, and progress, and causes to celebrate.  But not everything on our list would be good.

In looking at today’s story from the Book of Genesis, I imagine that Joseph has a pretty long list of not-so-good things that have happened to him.  The world has, after all, put him through a lot.  And if, as the song says, Joseph were to raise a glass to all the people he’s not speaking to, he would be holding the glass up for a long time, trying to name them all, specifically, his ten older brothers:  Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar, Zebulun, Gad, Asher, Dan, and Napthali.  When we last saw Joseph, in last week’s scripture reading and sermon, he was being led away in chains – sold into slavery by these jealous older brothers.[3]  Joseph is all alone, cut off from his family.  

Now, to get from this very low point in Joseph’s life to where we find him in today’s reading would make for a very long sermon.  In terms of things happening, a lot happens, here.  But, if we were to just to hit the highlights, Joseph goes from being the favored son with a fancy coat to a slave in chains, and from being the favored slave in the house of a powerful man in Egypt to a prisoner who interprets dreams, and from being a prisoner who interprets the dreams of the Pharaoh – the king – to becoming the favored governor of the whole kingdom, managing all of the food distribution for the kingdom during a time of famine.[4]  That’s quite a dramatic story arc for one character – from lowly slave to second-in-command of the kingdom!

But there is still more to the story.  You see, when the famine begins, nobody is able to grow crops in Egypt or in the region surrounding Egypt.  Changes in climate have no respect for the borders of countries, after all.  Meanwhile, back in the land of Canaan, Joseph’s brothers are trying to eke out an existence with little to no food for their family or their flocks.  They do hear, however, that there is food that can be bought down in Egypt.  Egypt is doing just fine – food-wise – thanks to Joseph and the God to which Joseph prays.  You see, Joseph encouraged the Pharaoh to store up as much as possible before the famine began.

So, Egypt is where Joseph’s ten older brothers go.  They do leave their littlest brother, Benjamin – the youngest (twelfth) brother in the family – back home, though.  Benjamin is Joseph’s little brother – his only full-blooded brother.  They make their way down to Egypt and are ushered into a grand room where a very grand man sits in a very grand chair.  They don’t know who this guy is, but he is clearly important.  And, when they ask him – through an interpreter – if they can buy some food, he starts peppering them with questions, giving them a lot of grief – asking them about where they are from, how many brothers they have in their family, and whether or not they are spies.  At one point, he even has them thrown in jail.  After the third night behind bars, the brothers are released to take food home but one of them must be left behind in Egypt until they bring back their youngest brother – Benjamin.  If they don’t do this, they will die.  When they hear this, they start talking amongst themselves, saying,

“Now we’re paying for what we did to our brother [Joseph] – we saw how terrified he was when he was begging us for mercy.  We wouldn’t listen to him and now we’re the ones in trouble.”[5]  “Things happen, and now they’re happening to us!”

Little do they know that their little brother Joseph is hearing their every word.  Because the very grand man in front of them is the very brother that they sold so long ago.  They just don’t recognize him.

But, the big, dramatic, reveal doesn’t happen quite yet.  In the end, Joseph’s brothers come back to Egypt with Benjamin and we find ourselves at today’s reading.  All of the brothers are gathered together in Joseph’s big and grand house.  They still don’t know that their long-lost brother, Joseph, is right there in front of them.

What would you do if the people who had ruined your life were standing right in front of you and you had the power of life and death over them?  Yes, Joseph has sent his brothers to jail for a few nights, but he has also been incredibly generous to them – sending them home – alive – loaded down with food.  But now that they are back in his presence, he is unable to contain himself anymore.

Out of all the things he could do, today’s scripture reading tells us that Joseph begins to weep.  His long list of all that the world has put him through – all that his brothers have put him through, all those years of hurt, and hardship, and painful memories that he has had to keep to himself come pouring out in huge, wracking, sobs that can be heard out in the street and next door at the palace of the king.  “I am Joseph,” he tells his eleven astonished brothers, when he’s finally able to catch his breath.  (Genesis 45:3)

Things happen – that’s all they ever do.  But there are some things that happen – events so big and dramatic that reverberate through history. . .  wars, and kingdoms, and empires, and elections.  There are also things that happen on a much smaller – but no less dramatic, because they are personal – scale events that reverberate through families and individual lives.  Maybe it’s a birth, maybe it’s a death, maybe it’s a big move, maybe it’s the loss of a job, or the time your brothers threw you in a pit and then sold you to some Ishmaelite merchants heading down to Egypt, and life as you know it is forever changed.  

Things happen, that’s all they ever do.  But the story of Joseph gives us a glimpse into what to do, and who to be, and how to interpret things when they do happen.  In the end, this is what matters most.

Somehow, instead of lashing out or punishing those who hurt him so long ago, Joseph finds a way to live with them – even love them.  At the end of today’s story, we see Joseph kissing them, and weeping on them, and talking with them – making plans for all of them to move the whole family – even their elderly dad – back down to Egypt, where he will provide for all of them.  Why does he do this?  Why is he so gracious?

Difficult things have happened to Joseph, but he somehow sees something Holy at work through all of it.  He tells his brothers, “. . . and now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life” (45:5)  A few chapters later, he tells them, “Even though you intended to do harm to me, God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people as God is doing today.”  (50:20)

What are we to make of this?  Is Joseph, with some kind of 20/20 Holy hindsight, really saying that all of it happened the way it happened because God caused it all?  Could he really see God’s providential fingerprints all over his own difficult story?  Things do happen, but where is God in all of it?  Sometimes, it’s hard to tell, especially when we’re in the thick of things.

What I do know is that while God’s methods are often difficult to understand in the moment, God’s holy purpose – at work for good in the world – undergirds all of life, even when life is hard.  And we, like Joseph, often only realize this after-the-fact.

If you were to think of your own life and what has brought you to this very moment, I wonder if and where you might be able to spot God’s fingerprints on your own life’s story – however faint those fingerprints might be.  Yes, things happen – that’s all they ever do – but at the heart of all of these things – at the heart of your life and mine – I believe that the Holy Spirit is doing the work, of bringing some light, and grace, and hope, and love, and healing along the way.

In Joseph’s case, God leads him and his brothers back together, again.  Is it uncomfortable?  Are there tears?  Is there regret and worry?  Yes, to all the above!  But there is also healing and reconciliation – key parts of God’s holy purpose for all of us.  To quote another song by Dawes,

I wanna sit with my enemies

And say we should have done this sooner

While I look them in the face /

Maybe that would crack the case.[6]

Maybe if we could see that is God leading us – and all of creation – toward one another with healing and reconciliation and love in our hearts and on our lips, we would crack the case of some of the brokenness in this world, and say “We should have done this sooner.”  

Things happen – that’s all they ever do – but somehow, God is at work for good through all the things that do happen.  Things happen – that’s all they ever do.  But as things happen, so does God.  And all God ever is is full of love and mercy, forgiveness and healing for you and for me and for all the world.  We find this to be true in the welcoming waters of baptism, in the strengthening power of bread and cup – body and blood – in signs of peace, and hope, and reconciliation, and healing, and wholeness that surround us on all sides even in hard times.

Years from now, when you tell the story of what happened to you and your family, and your community and church, and our nation, and the world, in the great Covid-19 Pandemic what will you say about God?  Where will you say that you saw God at work?

Things happen.  That’s all they ever do.  But the Holy happens, too.  God always has and always will.  May God give us eyes and ears for seeing and hearing, minds and hearts for knowing and loving, and bodies and spirits for serving, and forgiving, and healing.

In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  Amen.

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[1] Taylor Goldsmith, Dawes.  “Things Happen.”  All Your Favorite Bands.  2015.

[2] Paraphrase from Arnold J. Toynbee (among others) – https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Arnold_J._Toynbee.

[3] See Genesis 37, as well as https://johnhardinsawyer.tumblr.com/post/625976232170946560/let-us-go-unto.

[4] See Genesis 39-41.

[5] Eugene Peterson, The Message – Numbered Edition (Colorado Springs:  NAV Press, 2002) 69.  Genesis 42:21.

[6] Taylor Goldsmith, Dawes, “Crack the Case.”  Passwords, 2018.