#they all cause be great pain
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they say things forgetting that everything is made up and that you can destroy literally every single concept by simply not wanting it to exist anymore
#we live in a society#thoughts#discussion#discourse#i have big thoughts#they all cause be great pain
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An interesting little fun thing with team 7 is that you assume that Sakura's gonna, like, woobify and simplify Sasuke by putting him on a pedastal,cause her goal is centered around him and shes a 12 y/o fangirl so like of course her understanding of him is skewed cause she doesnt see him as a person, just an object of affection, right? She's can't get Sasuke, can't imprint on and/or traumabond with him like Naruto and Kakashi do. They don't see him with rose tinted glasses, because they've lived through their own Horrors and empathize with Sasuke's experience.
......right?
WRONG lmao!! They have too many ghosts!! Naruto's single-minded codependent ass won't get out of his own way long enough to see Sasuke for who he actually is, only able to empathize with the parts of his trauma Naruto relates to and not really capable of understanding him outside of the context of himself (because Sasuke is. His other half). And Kakashi is far too jaded to be fair to him!! He can't decide if Sasuke is gonna end up as a mini-him or a mini-Obito or maybe a mini-Itachi, but either way he ALSO is too traumatized to see Sasuke AS SASUKE.
meanehile SAKURA'S autistic ass may have dogshit empathy, but you know what she does have? A special interest in sasuke. Nothing better to do then give herself a degree in Uchihaisms. She can write character studies about him. she can read his soul. Whenever she says something about him she is right. Every fucking time! She is RIGHT!!!!
'sasuke would NOT compliment me this directly or explicitly express worry unprompted, especially if it gets in the way of his goals' correct.
'Sasuke shouldn't hide that curse on his neck its not healthy BUT if I tell anyone about it he'll never trust me again, which might be even more dangerous for him then the curse mark. Like he can probably handle the curse mark but no one else can stop him from ripping peoples arms off.' correct.
Speaking of! 'Sasuke would not hurt me even when he seems to be...possessed? whatever the only way to knock him out of it is to present myself as Alive and thus something to be protected rather then something to be avenged, because he gets really stuck in his own head about revenge' CORRECT
'hey so um. like. Sasuke's gonna leave Konoha. I'm not sure anything can stop him at this point and honestly I'm kinda starting to doubt anything should, so the only thing I could possibly do to help him at this point is ALSO defect.' CORRECT!!!!
#shout out to @Obihoe cause this started as a tag comment on one of your posts that got WAY too out of hand. just like old times lol#team 7#haruno sakura#sakura haruno#sasuke uchiha#team crackhead#naruto#naruto uzumaki#sasusaku#doesn't have to be but like. Yeah#for the record no disrespect to my boys Naruto n Kakashi I love them dearly. but like. they got their issues. that's half the fun of team 7#And Sakura has her problems with Sasuke too!! But her problems have nothing to do with understand him or his motivations or his personhood#and more to do with. Well. her absolute dogshit empathy. Emotionally disregulated ass.#'if you leave me I'll feel just like you did when your parents died' My beloved. Iconic. Great line. No notes. She's really just still so#inexperienced and naive that means she can explain and predict and KNOW him and his actions but still not empathize. She can say shit#like that with a straight face because she's never FELT loss like this before (except that minute she thought he was dead on the bridge)#so she can't imagine a worse pain. Just assumes it can't GET worse because she has no emotional concept of 'worse'. so it must be the same#she's literally the only person with a chance of convincing Sasuke to take her with him to Orochimaru because he's SASUKE of course she#knows all the right pressure points and keywords and concerns and stuff that she needs to convince him.#she's literally playing a little diolouge tree game with him. And maybe even winning up until that line! it's the dealbreaker
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i'm reading harrow the ninth, i loved the first book but this one has second person pov which sucks! except sometimes it's funny, funnier than I thought harrow would be tbh. Idk I'm getting used to it, i'll tell y'all how I like it.
#and also I have no clue wtf is going on like why the flashbacks are all wrong#my theory is harrow did some magic/science to replace her memories of gideon cause the guilt/pain was too much#that doesn't really sound like her but it's all I can think of#that still doesn't explain those letters or wtf her plan is or wtf is going on with Ianthe but whatever#I trust muir if I can just get used to the writing style i'm sure it'll be great#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#harrowhark nonagesimus#gideon nav#the locked tomb#tamsyn muir
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ALSO.
I think it’s easy to underestimate the enormity of Beatrice’s decision to try and place the crown on Ava.
It happens in a flash, it’s followed by The Kiss (which is everything). I think some viewers might even have missed she was holding the crown at all.
And so much happens and events spiral so quickly, it’s easy to forget where in the story Beatrice stands at this point.
Beatrice does not know the specifics of Adriel’s plan. At this point in the story, the OCS’ best guess is Adriel will use the portal to bring through unlimited wraith demons.
That’s the stakes for them: complete the mission or face a full on demon apocalypse. It’s literally “do this or the world ends.”
And Beatrice has lost so much. She’s lost Shannon just months ago, she’s lost Mary, Vincent betrayed them, to all appearances they’ve lost Lilith to Adriel for good. More of her closest family have died or abandoned her than not.
What more could the universe take from her?
And then the universe points at Ava and says “that one.”
You know those few months you got to spend away from the thick of battle? The short breath of time where you tasted life? Where you fell in love? Where you let yourself believe that — just maybe — happiness was possible? I want that. I want the person at the center of that, I want the one who gave you that.
Beatrice says no.
Putting the crown on Ava is not a discussion. It’s not a reassessment of the plan. It’s putting her unconscious to get her out. It’s aborting the mission.
The mission to save the world, where failure means wraith demons everywhere and most likely a literal apocalypse, and Beatrice says “No.”
Not if the cost is her.
Because how just is a world that keeps demanding this kind of suffering and sacrifice? There has to be another way for the world, because if there isn’t, she will not save it.
Not at this cost.
#avatrice#warrior nun#warrior nun fangirling#I'm not exaggerating when I say Beatrice will let the world burn for Ava#But also it's not just because she's cool — she is — and so in love with Ava — she is.#It's also I think born from a deepening of her understanding of ends vs means#Her shifting belief that there is a limit to what you can ask of people to give#even for great causes#because what are we doing if the path to salvation is made of nothing but blood and suffering?#what kind of world are we saving — are we *building* — if all our tools are drenched in the pain of good people?#there's something so powerful in Beatrice of all people being the one to say 'no. enough.' to the demand of yet more sacrifice.#no matter how great or lofty your cause#enough
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Tik Tok decided to make me feel things today Pt1
#that first line makes the 2020 injury even more traumatising cause you know he was think omg I can’t ride anymore like kill me knoe#also it’s so fascinating how intrinsically tied Marc’s emotions are depending on how his professional life is#like he’s always saying my personal life is seperate to my professional life and that’s true to some extent#but he is so tied to racing and making people feel happy and making the team happy#like in all in before mugello when he was going to announce that he was having his 4th surgery they said he didn’t have to ride and know#all I can think about is did he come back in 2020 to soon because he thought he was ready or did he come back because he thought he owed it#to Honda because he knew the bike wasn’t great and they would need him#marc marquez#mm93#and he’s so okay with pain as long as the pain wasn’t for nothing like 2021 must have been excruciating but he was getting podiums so the#pain was worth it but 2023 he was in pain and not enjoying and he was wasting his career so the pain stopped being a means to an end and it#became so bad he thought about stopping#even now after the surgeries there’s still going to be chronic pain and not just from the arm but the shoulder and because of all the hits#he’s had to his head he’ll probably get headaches easily#I do love that Shira is his emotional support dog that was with him throughout all the PT#like who’s he going to nap with now that Alex is moving out
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and the winner of TUMBLR'S ULTIMATE SAWBONES is...
DOCTOR BARON MARIUS VON RAUM!!!
'twas a rough, tough, final poll, and a long interesting way there, so thank you all, including surprise participants @neitherabaron (!!) and @pepurika (!!!), for coming out to our little bracket!
...when we created this particular torment nexus, we didn't expect to be the ones experiencing torments in it, but with our most precious of blorbos frequently going head to head, we as your local poll-runners certainly did get tormented! thank you also for the torment.
now, while this poll may be over, the fun and/or torment isn't done quite yet! tune in again sometime soon for our next caper, the MARITIME MATCHUPS, wherein we'll determine the finest of fictional naval officers!
#sawbones showdown#marius von raum#the mechanisms#'thank you all for participating and also for causing me such great pain' says guy about to start another round of blorbo-based pain#in all seriousness though this was the coolest of times - it's been grand! faretheewell for now and more shenanigans soonishly!#[as regards the next set of polls - I'll make a post about it once I get the blog underway!]
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Making sparda an overbearing, dominating figure with a soft spot for family and general neutrality on humans is good, but i think super happy funtime guy sparda who is incredibly enamored with his family and outwardly super duper nice (almost appearing and sometimes is naive or gullible) to humans but when alone or pushed in just the right way he morphs into that nearly cruel and dark figure he was considered long ago, is better. :)
#i love nice guys with darksides ig#that idea that time love space and all forms of care and feeding can only abate the true nature of an animal#that in the end he can mask it all he wants with human emotions like love and happiness but that he is still a demon and that#there are still many things he cannot let go of or change no matter how much time passes#i like to think it caused him great pain. i like to think that embracing humanity caused him so much internal grief and struggle#this is edging on implying he wished he were a human instead but I don’t think thats true. i think it came up when hu#-man issues arose like eva being pregnant or even before that bc it would have made things easier. not better per se but def easier#but he is also proud of the being that he is as well which again comes back to that internal struggle he must have experienced#idk lol#dmc0#dmc#devil may cry#stratatata#using this as a gen tag when i say smth#ignore this im just talking out my ass fr
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I hate you physical therapy and occupational therapy people in the hospital
#like all youve done now is super fuck me up#and why are you asking if i want to stand or change my nightgown as im fucking sobbing from the pain of just sitting up#i hate them#theyre always absolutely shit at their jobs#ive never ever had good pt or ot in the hospital#fucking unbelievable#and of course my crying just made my pain WORSE#great job getting me fucked even more and needing to stay longer cause of it#what is the point of them
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I am no longer consumed by bloodlust!
#miss galen speaks#i wish i was joking. that shit was painful and scary as fuck#homicidal ideation is no fucking joke huh#and y'know what the recommended solution for it is????#institutionalization or calling the police! great! 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#cause that's gonna be SO fucking helpful to an abuse victim whose psychosis/ptsd has been triggered#anyways you lot are welcome to reblog this and be silly about it on one condition:#you need to understand how absolutely fucked it is that our only solutions available were institutionalization and law enforcement#you need to understand that that is the last thing we needed when we were struggling#you need to come away from this with the realization that fear is weaponized against all sorts of marginalized people#and it is leveraged to justify oppression and human rights violations#and all someone has to do to point the finger at you is to shake a little bit and say they are afraid of you#and then the cage will come down on you too no matter how respectable you think you are#no matter how sane you think you are#no matter how harmless you think you are#the accusations of your potential for harm will be held as truths and used against you#and until we create a society in which we give 'scary' people the same rights as everybody else#nobody is safe from this happening to them#and if any of you clown on this post i WILL turn reblogs off
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*sees Lisa with a split lip*
Everyone: oh did she get punched? Was it Matty? What sort of fight was this?
Me: For a woman that bites her lip as often as Swain does and for one that's now the girlfriend of Carla Connor, this kind of injury is basically collateral damage
#swarla#carla x lisa#Hate the notion of Lisa getting hurt#Her pain causes me pain#But...#Hear me out#They both flirt with lip bites#They obviously are going to have great sex#Carla is the most physical/tactile/all up in your face and other places sort of woman#Could just find her detective gf a little bit too delicious#Know what I'm saying 😉#I would laugh so hard if these injuries were for that reason#They won't be#But seeing clumsy! Lisa would have me in complete mush#It's fine#I'm sure she's fine#*inhales*#I'm sure it'll all work out#I'm so not ready for how feral I'm going to be when they come back#Swain is lucky she still has a gorgeous face left
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Plwease consider Belos having his “oh fuck I’m the bad guy” moment and IMMEDIATELY THE GG ghosts/hallucinations start dunking on him
It's funny you say this cause he does in fact have a break down after finally having it click in his brain. And you know what happens when old man Phil experiences intense emotions!
BIG GOOP MONSTER COMES OUT
Goes a bit crazy, a bit cooky, the rage goes over into sorrow and my dude just kinda passes out due to exhaustion after his temper tantrum.
And then he dreams, but this time it's a LOT more worse than usual.
So yea , you're pretty spot on with that idea lol
#the golden guards aren't as malicious since Philip has been mostly chill with the few he has made#however caleb...#since it's not actually ghost caleb in my au and more hallucination caleb#it all goes downhill fast when he passes out#he's come to the conclusion that his brother did in fact not love him as much as philip did him if he was so eager to run away#all his misery in the village alone obsessing over witches was for nothing#all the pain he had caused was for nothing since humans are chill now with witches#everything is his fault - everything is worse because of him#caleb left because of him#yea shit's not too great with grandpa at that moment#SORRY I KNOW THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DUNNY ASK BUT PFFBDJX#reminded me of one of my au plot points#defanged philip au#lore dumb blegh
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I kinda really hate how I've been treated throughout my life
#Entire life of abuse and neglect and mistreatment only to always be told none of it happened. To the point where I really struggle with#thinking that I made it all up or that I'm overreacting or faking or playing the victim constantly#I honestly try my best to move forward and I want to be happy. I see absolutely zero point in wallowing. Others can if they wish‚ but I wan#to enjoy my life at some point. I think I've gotten better the past year- In great part of my dearly beloved- but it's still so#deeply difficult. Interactions so commonly feel like a trap and there is the perpetual sense of being watched and monitored#I often feel like a prey animal that is cornered and my only options are to take it in fear and die or to lash out and hurt the other party#I think I'm not as mean as others in this system though LMFAO. I'm not like Roxas who once compared a friend of ours to our parents during#an argument.#<- Not to say Roxas is a bad person. He's a severely hurt and traumatized kid who kinda only knows how to lash out to protect himself#Sighs. It's complicated. I do not wish to be someone angry like Roxas or Lexi. But they actually talk back and stand up for themselves. And#the system as a whole. Whereas I fawn and take it and then wonder why I always want to kill myself 24/7#I don't really know how to speak up for myself because it really feels like every single time I do (Or just voice an opinion confidently in#a group) it goes horribly wrong and people get upset and angry with me#And then people being angry at me causes major fucking spirals because it reminds me of my mother and then I start feeling like I'm going t#be fucking berated and have a metal crate thrown at me again 😭😭😭 Or get kicked out of the car or given the silent treatment etc etc etc#Which is a me problem I need to get over my fear of people being mad at me because it's an inevitable fact of life but. Hashtag severely#traumatized and still actively being traumatized by multiple parties#And also being in my own head and existing is very fucking harmful! Being in a mind that is so aggressive and destructive... It's difficult#to just 'get over' my issues‚ you know? So whenever they come up I try to just isolate so I don't cause any issues#<- Unless it's my histrionic stuff acting up. Then I'm complaining like hell because it feels actually fucking painful to not be receiving#attention during those breakdowns#Anyways! I kinda fucking suck and hate myself right now and want to kms. But that's how I am 24/7 so whatever#tw suicide#⛪️
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don't let your eyes wander
#my art#art#utmv#horror#horror sans#blood tw#eyes tw#tw scopophobia#istg my computer was NOT cooperating with me at a l l today Dx#so so slow it was AGONIZING trying to edit this and having all progress lost just cause i moved my mouse a little too fast like!!!#man man man and i'm not even sure if i like the result as much as the previous versions aughhg PAIN#anyways i can't believe how little i draw this man when he's like. my third favorite skeleton ever!!!#seriously both canon AND fanon horrors are my favs he's so!!! interesting >:0#that and i can get pretty experimental with the 'creepy' aspect of his design which is always fun >;)c#i mean blood shouldn't be as relaxing to draw as it is but going wild with textures and blurs and splatters is just too good to resist 😔#anyways lemme know if i should add any more trigger warnings? just in case? i can't think of any more eye related fears hhh#thanks for all the support guys!! have a great day<3333
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anyway im going to the gynac tomorrow and i don't know what i want the result to be
#if i have pcod then great it wasn't me and my laziness something else was causing all these problems#but then it will be harder to treat ugh#plus it will clash with my acne meds so it's better if nahi ho#but my periods been so fucking regular and i really wish ki something could explain these crazy suicidal thoughts every pms#but still better to have nothing so i can fix it with healthy food and exercise#tomorrow im going to buy a bra that's my size so i can wear it 24/7 because ive been having back pain lately and im actually kinda excitedd
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someone fucking loved me and i fucking loved them too goddamn it, i was worth something i fucking earned something i have a right to die, a right to live, a right to choose, too
taglist: @blairyl @dango-daydreams @wanderers-wife @selffulfillingshipper @noromoselfships @sunstar-of-the-north @dudefrommywesterns @funkedge @hanahaki-arcade @huggsbury
#this gave me a stomachache#its creation caused me great pain#and tears#to quote tiny: “ITS ALL YOUR FAULT”#and yeah :)#i made the bitches too tragic#🌙✂️; arent you supposed to burn if youre a star?#webweaving#moodboard#web weaving
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80 or so years of life really ain't enough can I have an elf lifespan instead please? Or at least a dwarf's... I need at least a couple hundred years... Oh and a new spine every 5 or so years, if that's not too much to ask. 3. 3 years actually. Yeah, a new spine every 2 years, and a lifespan of 350-750 years, that's all I want really.
#SORRY this is such a random thing to be posting about and I guess it's a vent post haha#I suppose I've just been feeling a lot of... dread and fear lately... especially in the late hours...#''Lately'' as in on and off for most of my life but *a lot* as of the past few months#Like#Oh it's weirdly embarrassing to talk about this here it's a tad personal uh **tw (discussions of) death#But do you ever just feel paralyzed by the knowledge that one day you'll be 40? Or 60? Or 80? If you're lucky!#I worry a lot about wasting my life#I worry a lot about dying an unpleasant death#Or a painful one#I suppose I've always been gerascophobic...#But finishing school and turning 23 and not having a job and having just a hard time with my physical health lately...#I haven't been great I guess#I just feel like time has been moving so quickly lately!!!#And I've been going nowhere.#:0 not to be too much of a bummer y'all I'm not like feeling horrible rn or anything but I do need to vent I think#Cause if not it just stays coiled up inside of me.#*gah* I should channel all of this energy into Glenn in my pirate fic lol#😌 he's insecure (in part) cause he feels old#🥲 ough and I don't feel amazing about that most recent chapter but I guess that's a whole new vent#working on some different stuff for a bit.#ANYWAYS#I hope whoever happens to be reading this is having a good night ✨️#oh or day if it's day for you lol
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