#these two are just so OBSESSED with each other
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limyted · 2 days ago
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“You Called My Liege?”
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Yandere King x Jester! GN Reader
Tw: Dubcon/non-con,, obsessive,, possessive,, controlling,, NSFW.,, ALL CHARACTERS 18+ PLEASE.
Words: 1.6k words
Yandere Prince! Who had first seen you when you had walked in with you dad, your family had been a family of Jesters for the Royal Family for centuries for now.
Yandere Prince! Who met you when his father has introduced you two to each other, explaining that you will be his Jester when he is the future King, with that a bond had started to grow between you too.
Yandere Prince! Who has always been blunt, stoic and short tempered, but when being around your cheeky and playful personality and eventually his stiff personality melts away and welcomes you, soon enough you two would play around places around the Palace whenever your dad was called upon by his father.
Yandere Prince! Who killed his father when he had suggested that he was just maybe too close with his Jester, that it was inappropriate to be friends with his Jester. Who did his father think he was telling him what to do with HIS Jester?
He dropped the blooded sword, as he kicked the former king's head away from him.
“Clean this up.” he lazily gazed into the dreary eyes of his father, his voice devoid of any guilt or remorse.
“Burn the body and fetch me my jester.” A small smile spreading across his features at the thought of you as he pushed past the stunned maids who hurriedly obeyed, they wouldn't want face the wrath of the kings short temper.
Yandere Prince! Who has you by his side the whole coronation, and he gets a thrill when you called him “My Liege” for the first time.
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Your skin warm from laying on grass, sun blazing on your skin, hands intertwined with the teenage future king, he was squeezing your hand as if trying to keep you from running away from him, but you decided not to pay it any mind.
You felt a slight tug, and you hummed softly.
“I don't wanna marry someone I don't know or even love,” He said, frustration and exasperation laced in his voice “but my father insisted it was a necessity for the economy of our kingdom.”
“If it's an economic boost you need, why not hold a royal jousting tournament?” You said softly chuckling at your own joke “Loser buys dinner... or a bride”
He looked at you deadpanned, you softly rolled your eyes.
“Who would you even marry?” You teased him softly “I don't know of anyone you fancy.”
“Are you sure?” He questioned, as he put his hand on your chin tilting it to face him. “But to answer your question, My fool, you would be my bride.”
You weren't really sure if the king was joking or not, so you had changed the subject instead.
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As you walked down the halls of the Jesters towers, the king had requested for you the usual spot, the throne room, a room you've grown very accustomed to.
The door to the room had no guards protecting it, so you had entered. There sat the king on his righteous throne, his hand resting in his chin and legs crossed, clearly in deep thought.
“You called My Liege?” You said as you bowed, dipping low and a playful smile on your face. The king who's eyes now locked with yours, had merely patted the arm rail of his throne, you obliged.
“Tell me..” he says as he snakes his arm loosely around your waist, shifting in his seat to be closer with you.
You hummed lightly, it wasn't weird that the king was being so … affectionate, he'd always wanted to be close with you.
“Do you recall when I told you that I would make you my bride?” He asked, with a tone unrecognisable to you.
“Oh your little quip?” You answered, focusing on his thumb rubbing your waist slowly, his hand slowly making its way down.
He let out a lifeless, breathy snicker, “I do not jest, that is your job.”
!!Nsfw!!
He lifts you up, placing you on his lap, rocking you back and forth, you can feel his hardened cock against your entrance.
“But if you're going to be my bride, I need everyone to know you’re mine.” He said as he digs his hands into your waist.
“I think it's better to marry someone who..” You pause, as you try to squirm off his lap, but he holds you down, “Is more equipped to be a monarch.”
“You'd make a perfect spouse for me” He says as kisses and bites your neck, as he rips your clothes off your body, the cold air hitting your skin, makes you shiver.
You let out a soft gasp at the feeling of him biting your neck. “I'm gonna have to stretch you out,” He says as pushes two fingers into and you gasp loudly, pushing yourself against his chest.
With every sweet sound you let out he can feel his cock and precum coating his undergarments, he pumps his fingers roughly.
“Wow, you must really want to be filled, your greedy hole is taking my fingers so well,” He says as he picks up the pace of his fingers “has someone ever pleasured you so well?”
You already feel your climax close, but he pulls his fingers out “You don't release unless I tell you too, My Fool.”
You whine at the emptiness that fills you now. “Stand.” Nothing but hunger in voice, afraid you obey, you had seen what he was capable of with his sword.
He took off his clothing as you, his long and hard cock, throbbing and the tip glistening with precum.
He had grabbed you and bent you over the very same arm rail you sat on, he slowly pushed himself into your hole, grabbing a handful of your ass and giving it a hard slap, his hands travelling from your ass to your hip, letting out a loud groan.
“Oh fuck, you feel just right, your hole wraps around me so perfectly” he said with a dreamy like voice.
“What about the maids and butlers, I don't wanna be seen in this case” you said trying to bite back the moans that are bubbling in your throat.
“If they even dare to look, I'll kill them, your body is only for my eyes,” He says, thrusting deeply into you at every word he says, unable to keep your moans anymore, you let out loud moans that fill the room and his groans as well.
With each deep thrust you feel your climax closing in, and you can tell he is too with his fastened pace and his balls slapping your skin.
“Please cum with me, please, please, please” he whines and pants as he trails his hands up your back and pulls you as you both release, you relax as his semen feels warm.
The King picks you up, his hard cock still twitching inside you, and puts you on the throne.
“I'm not finished, My Darling.”
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skipper1331 · 3 days ago
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Red and Blue // Leah Williamson
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a/n: might be back or not, idk :)
Long distance.
You hated that word.
It reminded you that you wouldn‘t wake up next to your lover,
that you wouldn’t get a good night kiss or cuddles either,
that you couldn't get any affection except over the phone - which wasn't a long-term solution.
Each day that passed it was harder to deny the desire to go back home, back home to Leah.
To be fair, it wasn’t the first time that you‘d been long distance but ever since Leah had put a ring to your finger, the 'fiancé' and 'soon to be wife' rolling of her tongue made your heart ache.
Home was calling.
-
When you shared your thoughts on transferring back to the English league, Leah was excited and so happy - she’s been missing you like crazy. The blonde more than obsessed with you and still so in love with you. The thought of playing side by side with you in red was everything she could wish for. Every time you wore her Arsenal jersey - 'Williamson' on your back - she fell more and more in love with you. Sometimes she thought there was no way that she could love you even more yet you surprised her each time. Sometimes it was the way you smiled or other times it was the way her family loved you, endless possibilities. She would never stop falling deeper in love with you.
Though, what didn’t occur to her was that you hadn’t gotten any offers by Arsenal.
Brighton had offered one, Liverpool too, as did Chelsea.
Chelsea
London… Leah… Leah. London. London. Leah. Leah. London.
you couldn’t say no to that, could you?
Many thoughts ran through your mind.
should you or should you not?
do you want to or do you not?
Would Leah still love you or not?
Normally, you immediately would talk to her, thinking about the pros and the cons, what your heart was telling you to do.
But this time your heart was torn apart into two pieces. On piece was blue: with the opportunities you had at Chelsea - Champions League, winning titles, fellow English teammates, amazing staff,… The other piece was red: yelling, fighting and begging to wait, maybe Arsenal would offer something, some day. Would Leah be mad at you? She‘s been a gunner since she was little.
-
After many sleepless nights, you did the only right thing.
You signed with the Blues.
Leah wouldn’t be mad at you, would she? Your career is important to her too. She just couldn’t be mad. She loved you and you loved her.
Sun and moon.
Salt and pepper.
day and night.
black and white.
red and blue.
It would be fine, right?
-
Leaving the airport was a relief. You were finally back in England.
The great news was that Leah happily agreed to pick you up from the airport, still fully convinced that you had signed with the gunners.
The bad news was that you didn‘t and you still needed to tell her that you signed with the blue rival.
You were tense, nervous even. The defender not sensing any of that as she was in such a bliss of your presence and touch, her hand holding yours tightly as she drove to her apartment - her mind racing about moving in together.
-
The first hour in Leah’s apartment was spent with kisses and cuddling on the couch, trying to catch up the time you spent apart.
"Do you want something to eat, my love? I could make you something. I‘m sure you‘re hungry from the flight" she smiled, her fingers tracing patterns on your back.
"Yes please, but no ham sandwich" you giggled, the blonde gasping before pressing an gentle kiss to your forehead.
As you sat alone on the couch for a few minutes, you realized that you had to tell her now. Or wouldn’t ever tell her - too afraid of her reaction.
Standing up, you grabbed something, wrapped in wrapping paper, out of your backpack.
Please don’t kill me
Please don’t break up with me
"Love, dinner is almost ready." the girl smiled, proudly stating that nothing‘s burned.
"Leah, could we talk about something first?" you fidgeted with your fingers.
"Yes, of course. I actually wanted to talk to you about something too! Do you want to move in with me?" She was so excited, her smile wider than it was in a long time. Your heart fluttered.
"I‘d love that, but maybe you‘d like to open this first" you stated, your voice low as you tried to be cool, calm and collected.
Skeptically, she looked at you - you‘re nervous, "What‘s this?" she asked, already opening the gift.
"What the fuck ist that!" the gunner growled, seeing the Chelsea jersey, "are you trying to be funny!" she questioned, a scowl on her face as she stared at the 'Williamson' on the back.
"No" you whispered - now or never.. "I signed with Chelsea, Leah. And I‘d like to play with your- soon also my name on the back"
"WHAT!" She shouted, outraged by the thought of you in blue, hurt by thought of you not being in red.
"Arsenal didn’t offer me a contract and that‘s okay because I’m still here, back with you" you said, trying to lighten the mood.
Failing miserably.
"I‘d rather not see you at all than seeing you in blue!" she yelled, her fists clenching at her sides. How could you do that? How could play for the one club the despised the most.
Was her loyalty a joke to you? Was her childhood club a joke to you?
"You don’t mean that" you said, trying to convince yourself more than any other person.
"Oh, I absolutely do! Fly to wherever, I don’t care. And the audacity to think-" she laughed, "to think that you‘d play with the name Williamson on the back of a Chelsea shirt some day" turning off the stove, she walked around the counter, her face now serious as she glared at you like you had killed someone.
"Leave" she pointed at the door, "and just so you know, the invitation to move in has been rescinded"
your own anger started to bubble up now. You get it, she‘s mad, you expected her to be but to throw insults like at you? That wasn‘t okay. Angrily, you grabbed your bagpack, your suitcases still in Leah‘s car, something you‘d worry about later as you put on your shoes while the blonde still grumbled to herself about how reckless you were, that you didn‘t use your brain, questioning if you even had functional brain cells.
"You know what Leah, you‘re right. I wasn‘t using my brain. But not when I signed the contract but when I said yes to your proposal!" yanking down the engagement ring, you shoved it against her chest.
And as soon as you had slammed the door, the tears were spilling out of your eyes.
This was not the way you expected everything to happen nor did you want it that way.
In short: Leah Williamson was obviously furios but actually it was just a facade that she became aware of as soon as you had left the house. She was deeply hurt.
Deeply hurt by the fact that you had let her think she‘d be finally playing side by side with the love of her life. Because she was so excited, she had already planned everything through. This was everything she had ever wanted.. and now, it‘s gone.
You were gone.
Added to that, your last comment ripped her heart out, smashed it to the ground and stomped on it.
Fuck! Did you really just broke up with her?
Why was she stupid?! Why couldn’t she react normal, like every other person would have! Her stupid pride was in the way, once again.
She wanted to run after you. She really wanted to, but her legs wouldn’t move. It was too late.
You were gone.
she couldn't have caught up to you even if she wanted to.
Panic.
Panic, panic, panic.
Tears.
More tears.
Everything was too much.
She tried to call you.
No answer.
She texted.
Not even delivered.
Fuck.
"Mum, I-" she hiccuped in the speaker, "I fucked up and" her sobs were getting louder and louder, she didn‘t want to say it out loud, "and I think she broke up with me"
-
Within a few minutes Amanda let herself in in her daughters home.
She found Leah crying on the couch, sobbing violently while she typed something on her phone.
"Y/n-" her head snapped up, disappointed when she saw her mum instead of you, "oh, it‘s you" she whispered, wiping away the tears which didn’t help much as new tears streamed down.
"You wanna tell me what happened?" Amanda asked as she took a seat beside her daughter, arms wrapping around.
As soon as her mother hugged her the defender broke down once again, clinging onto her mother. Her heart was broken. She had broken your heart, so you broke hers in return. She deserved this. She‘s been nothing but an arse.
Once Leah had calmed down, she started to tell the story, every detail, every snarky comment she had left. She wasn‘t proud of her behavior. "I don‘t know what I was thinking. it just happened. I‘m so sorry. I love her"
"You need to apologize to her, not to me"
"I don’t know where she is! If she‘s safe or- I don‘t know, mum" she was desperate. The tears started to get less and less yet the broken heart very much felt.
"I‘ve been dreaming of this wedding since I’m 16! Do you know how often I imagined her being a Williamson? Every day, mum, every fucking day."
-
Around midnight her mum left, Leah promising her that she would call if she needed anything.
The only thing she needed was you, though.
She had to make things right, she couldn’t throw an over a decade going relationship away. Not when it was a relationship with you. The girl she loved more than anything in this world. The girl she would quit football for if she had to. She would walk to Antarctica if that would bring you back to her, back home.
Unknown to her, you weren‘t far away, just around the corner of her house actually.
When you left the house, you didn‘t know where to go. You didn‘t want to call any of your friends because you would have had to explain the situation and in that moment, you didn’t have the strength to do so.
In that moment, you needed to be alone. Your thoughts were running in every direction, trying to escape reality. Did you really broke up with Leah? Or had she broken up with you? You couldn’t tell. All you knew was that your heart hurt and felt empty. You waited ages for this day, to finally see Leah and it ended like this. One hour of bliss, more hours of horror. This couldn’t be the end, could it?
It was Leah and you.
There‘s never been You without Leah or Leah without You.
The picture of Leah‘s face haunted you. It seemed like her world collapsed when you gave her the ring. Were you overreacting? Your feelings were valid. She couldn’t just go crazy, tell you to fuck off and then expect to be happily ever after.
But even though, you‘re feelings were hurt in one of the worst ways possible, you couldn’t just give up. This was Leah. You knew Leah. You knew that it had to be deeper.
And when you saw her mum‘s car pulling up in the driveway, you knew that Leah was a wreck. The blonde was tough on the outside but on the inside, she was this sweet charming sensitive girl who adored to love and to be loved. And the fact that it hadn’t even been 20min before Amanda was at her apartment, surely meant something.
-
Standing at the front door, you thought about leaving again. Amanda had only left like 5 minutes ago, but you didn’t want to be outside any longer. It was dark and cold. And all you wanted was to be with Leah. You couldn’t just leave the things at where they were, that wasn’t like you.
So here you were, still fighting an inner battle if to knock on the door or not.
Yet you did.
Your love for the blonde defender was stronger than any pride right now.
A little spot in your mind hoped that she wouldn’t open the door, afraid to be confronted.
The gunner was shocked when she saw you standing there. Her eyes wide, the tear stains visible, cat caught her tongue.
Her next reaction was hugging you like her life depended on it and you did just the same. "I love you, I love you, I love you" you heard her whisper, not making any attempt of letting you go any time soon. She needed this.
You both needed it.
After what felt like forever, she pulled back, her hands cupping your face, thumbs caressing your cheeks, "you’re safe" her eyes checked for any sign of injury or discomfort, "I‘m okay" you confirmed.
"Let us talk, okay? I love you. I promise not to explode like that again. I love you so much" a single tear escaped her eye. You were quick to gently wipe it away, the blonde relaxing under your touch.
"Do you think I could get something from the dinner you made earlier?" you shyly smiled, your stomach growling. The lioness let out a breathy relieved laugh, nodding, "anything you want, my love." Without thinking she pressed a kiss to your forehead, pulling you into the kitchen.
There was an awkward silence while she re-heated up the dinner yet happily doing so. This was a good sign, wasn’t it?
Once finished, she placed the plate of food in front of you, "Do you want to be left alone while you eat? I‘ll be in the bedroom, you can call me whenever you‘re ready" she was already turning, ready to give you some space when you grabbed her wrist, "please stay"
-
"Thank you for dinner, it tasted great" you smiled. Leah returned your smile shyly, cheeks turning red.
"Um, and I guess we should talk, yes?"
she nodded slowly, "yes. I think it‘s really important that we share all of our thoughts and listen to each other before reacting to something said, is that okay with you? I know it‘s my fault it blew up earlier but I’d really like to apologize and let you understand what was going through me. And I want to understand your side of the story too and not cut you off in the middle of the sentence. I know my behavior earlier was very childish, I won’t let that happen again." gently she squeezed your hand, reassuring as well as promising you that she was ready to behave like a grown woman, like the woman you fell in love with.
"Would you like to start?"
"Yes, that would be very nice"
-
After hours of conversation, apologizing and exchanging thoughts, feelings and insecurities, you both came to a conclusion that worked for the both of you:
1. Leah promised to never ever treat you like that again. She respected you, she really did and she would forever try to show you that
2. always listen to each other before speaking! Communication is key.
3. Leah promised to cook dinner for two whole months as a sign of her remorse, also she offered a thousand kisses and more.
4. You promised Leah to never let her in the dark.
5. Moving in together seemed perfect.
Later that night, or rather in the early morning hours, you laid in bed together, you were snuggled up in Leah‘s side, your head resting on her chest as she played with your hair.
"I can hear your brain working, my love, what‘s the matter?" you asked gently, resting your chin on your hand, so could look at her - your finger seemed so empty.
With a quick motion, you sat on her lap, the blonde now sitting up as well, "I love you" gently, she took your hand in her own, holding it a way that had your hand facing her.
She didn‘t say anything, but pressing a feather light kiss on your ring finger. You got the silent message, plead even.
"yeah, I’d love to have my ring back" you smiled, the lionesses already reaching for it on her nightstand.
"I can’t wait for you to be a Williamson" she admired as she put the ring on its original place.
"Me neither"
Ps. Leah Williamson still didn‘t like Chelsea and she never would but she learned to love the colour blue - because it was you - even more when the name Williamson was displayed on the back.
No matter the colour, Leah Williamson would always loved you.
Though learning to love the colour blue was a process, she still begged you wear her red Arsenal jersey every now and then.
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thedensworld · 1 day ago
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Kiss a Friend | K. Mg
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Genre: angst, fluff, smut (18+)
Summary: Mingyu was obsessed with his ex fiancee who had left him on the altar. To get her back, he paid all your debt to help him.
It started with a kiss.
Mingyu had warned you to arrive at 7, sharp. Punctuality, he said, was non-negotiable. He despised people who couldn’t respect time. But tonight, you wanted him to hate you, to see the look of irritation flash across his usually composed face. So, you walked in at 7:50, deliberately late, wearing the plainest dress you could find in your closet. It was all part of your plan to embarrass Kim Mingyu, a small act of rebellion against the man who now held a claim over your life for the next three months.
You sighed, an inexplicable tightness in your chest. Mingyu was more than just the imposing businessman he had become; he was your childhood nemesis. To be fair, your parents had been friends long before you were born, so you and Mingyu were forced into each other’s lives. You spent your childhood squabbling over the smallest things—who was faster on their bikes or who could get highest score in Math. It was always a competition, and Mingyu always found a way to win, leaving you rolling your eyes and muttering curses under your breath. Then, he left for the States to study business and fulfill his destiny of taking over the family empire. The distance was a relief, a clean break from the constant rivalry.
Meanwhile, you had chosen a different path. You found joy in acting, even if it meant playing minor roles or being in small films. You cherished the freedom it gave you, the knowledge that you weren’t bound by family legacies or the weight of expectations. Your life was yours, simple and light—or at least it was until last month.
Mingyu returned from the States a changed man, celebrated and respected in the business world. He no longer resembled the carefree boy from the neighborhood, and communication between you dwindled to polite nods and rare encounters. Then, the invitation came: a wedding announcement for him and his fiancée of two years. You’d laughed to yourself, amused by the thought that Mingyu, the annoying kid who used to trip you on purpose, had grown up enough to commit to someone. The thought of him managing to woo a woman seemed almost comical.
But everything shattered on the day he was left standing at the altar.
The chaos that followed was unforgettable. You ran to his parents, finding his father pale and clutching his chest, too stunned to speak. The paramedics arrived moments later, rushing him to the hospital. You stayed behind, holding his mother’s trembling hand and feeling the weight of Mingyu’s world as it crumbled around him. Hyorin—his fiancée, now ex-fiancée, ex-bride; you struggled to decide what to call her—left only a short letter behind. In it, she confessed that she’d run away with another man, admitting she’d been unfaithful and choosing to leave Mingyu for good.
Days later, Mingyu appeared at your door. Dark circles hung under his eyes, and his usual confident posture was nowhere to be seen.
“Help me,” he said, voice low and raw.
You blinked, unable to piece together what he meant. “Help you with what?”
“Help me get Hyorin back,” he clarified, leaning against the doorframe as if the effort of standing was too much. “I need you to be my girlfriend—just for three months.”
Your mouth dropped open. The idea was absurd. “Are you serious?”
“Hyorin is possessive. She won’t be able to stand seeing someone else with me. I know her. If she thinks I’ve moved on, she’ll come back,” he explained, desperation creeping into his tone. His eyes held yours, unyielding. “And besides, she hates you. That’ll add fuel to the fire.”
He sat comfortably on your couch, surveying your small apartment with an expression that was almost amused. It was a stark contrast to the sleek penthouse or sprawling home he had planned to share with Hyorin. You sat on the floor across from him, disbelief clouding your expression as you struggled to take his proposal seriously. Date Mingyu? It was laughable. He was too entangled in your childhood memories to ever be considered a romantic prospect, even if he had changed into a confident, sought-after businessman. Every time you looked at him, you couldn’t help but picture the mischievous boy with a grin that spelled trouble.
Yet, Mingyu was relentless. The proposal kept coming, woven into daily conversations and backed by small gestures. He pampered you in ways you didn't expect, bringing you coffee, making sure you were eating, all because he couldn’t find anyone better for this crazy plan of his.
“And besides, you’re a great actress,” he said one evening, leaning back into the cushions with a smirk.
You narrowed your eyes, recognizing the manipulative edge in his tone. “I know,” you muttered, barely containing your frustration.
Before the conversation could spiral further, the sharp ring of your doorbell echoed through the apartment, followed by a series of frantic knocks. Alarm bells went off in your mind. No. Not now.
“Hide,” you whispered urgently, pulling Mingyu up by the arm and shoving him into your room before he could protest. If the person at the door saw Mingyu, it would be a disaster you weren’t prepared to deal with.
“Open up, Y/N! I know you’re there!” a familiar voice shouted from the other side, slurring slightly. Your heart sank as you recognized it. The door barely clicked open before it was pushed with force, slamming you back a step as Boemjae stumbled into the room. The stale scent of alcohol and cigarettes clung to him, making you wrinkle your nose.
“Not today, Boemjae,” you said firmly, hoping to sound braver than you felt.
He laughed, a low, menacing sound as he stepped closer and pressed you against the wall. “Who are you to tell me what to do, bitch?” His voice was a venomous whisper, and the sharp pain of your back hitting the wall made you wince. He swaggered toward the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle, taking a swig as if he owned the place.
“Leave,” you tried again, your voice strained but steady.
Boemjae’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “No. I need my money now,” he snarled, his tone shifting from casual menace to a sharp demand.
“I don’t have it now, but I’ll send it later,” you promised, your voice barely above a whisper. Before you could brace yourself, Boemjae shoved you with enough force that you stumbled and crashed into the coffee table, pain searing through your side.
“I need it now,” he repeated, bending down to yank you up by the collar as if you were nothing more than a ragdoll. His laugh was harsh and mocking. “How are you even planning to pay me back, huh? Sleeping with random men? You can’t even land a decent acting role!”
Before you could respond, Mingyu’s voice cut through the chaos like a blade. “Let her go.”
The room fell into a tense silence as Boemjae turned, surprise flickering in his bloodshot eyes before he barked out a laugh. “So, this is the man you’re sleeping with? How much is he giving you? You’d better hand it over right now,” he sneered before shoving you roughly to Mingyu’s side. Relief washed over you as Mingyu caught you, holding you steady with a firm arm around your waist. The old Mingyu would have never stepped in, but this Mingyu—this confident, determined man—was different.
Mingyu’s expression hardened as he stepped forward, towering over Boemjae, his height and presence imposing. “I’m her boyfriend,” he said, voice cold and commanding. “And I want you out of this house. Now.”
Boemjae’s laugh faltered, turning uneasy as he took in Mingyu’s stance. “Boyfriend? Don’t kid yourself. I know her, and she doesn’t have a boyfriend. I’m her important person,” he said with a sneer.
Mingyu’s jaw tightened, and his eyes narrowed dangerously. “If you were truly important, you’d know who I am,” he said, taking another step closer until Boemjae flinched. “Leave now, or I’ll make sure you regret it.”
Boemjae swallowed, the drunken bravado evaporating under Mingyu’s glare. He backed away, muttering curses under his breath before stumbling out the door.
The silence that followed was thick, your shallow breaths the only sound in the room. Mingyu’s eyes bore into you, sharp and intense, the anger still radiating off him in waves.
“Who was that? Why do you even know someone like him? Is he your boyfriend?” he fired off questions, his voice clipped and filled with barely contained rage.
“It’s none of your business,” you mumbled, wincing as you gripped your arm where it throbbed with pain.
Mingyu’s brows knitted together in a fierce scowl. “It is my business if you’re going to be my new girlfriend,” he declared, the conviction in his voice making your head spin. When had you ever agreed to this? Why was he speaking like you’d already signed some invisible contract?
“I never said yes,” you muttered, exhaling shakily as the adrenaline in your system began to ebb.
Mingyu’s eyes softened just a fraction, but his determination remained. “Who is he? Why does he come here?”
“I owe him money,” you admitted, your voice a strained whisper. “He shows up whenever he needs cash.”
A tense silence followed as Mingyu processed your words. “How much?” he asked, his tone commanding.
You bit your lip, irritation bubbling up at his demanding attitude. “It’s none of your business!”
“How much?” he pressed, leaning in, eyes searching yours for an answer.
You hesitated, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Thirty-five billion,” you finally said, the weight of the number hanging heavily in the air.
Mingyu’s expression flickered with surprise before settling into one of resolute determination. The silence stretched between you, almost suffocating, before he spoke again, his voice calm but firm. “I’ll pay it,” he said, the finality in his tone leaving no room for argument. “But only if you agree to be my contract girlfriend for three months. That’s all the time I need to get Hyorin back.”
The room seemed to shrink around you, the enormity of his proposal pressing down on you. This was more than just a game to him; it was a desperate gamble. And now, it was your move.
*
The last day of owning your own life felt strange, surreal even.
You sat uncomfortably in Mingyu’s office, surrounded by the scent of polished wood and subtle cologne, a stark contrast to the chaotic familiarity of your world. The sterile office setting, with its pristine glass walls and neat rows of desks, was foreign to you. You were never an office girl. You were the adventurous one, the free spirit. So when Mingyu called you in to meet his lawyer and sign the contract, you weren’t prepared. Not mentally and definitely not in the way you were dressed—in just a plain shirt and worn blue jeans. If you had known the gravity of this moment, maybe you would have chosen something more formal, something that wouldn’t make you look so out of place among the sleek suits and pencil skirts.
Mingyu, now a commanding presence as the director of his father’s company, sat across the long mahogany table. He was the picture of cool composure, suited up impeccably, his gaze sharp but carrying an odd familiarity. The lawyer spoke up, cutting through the hum of your racing thoughts.
“As you can see, Mr. Kim will give you the agreed-upon sum tomorrow, and the contract will last for three months. If you have any questions, now would be the time to ask,” the lawyer said, his voice professional but devoid of emotion.
You glanced down at the document in front of you, your fingers brushing the paper lightly as you read. Years in the entertainment industry had taught you the importance of dissecting every line in a contract, ensuring that nothing would come back to bite you.
Halfway down, your eyes widened at a clause. “I have to move in with you?” The words slipped out before you could stop them, disbelief clear in your voice.
Mingyu cleared his throat, leaning back in his chair, his expression stoic. “Yes. It’ll create the right image. The media will go wild if they find out a woman moved in with me just a month after being left at the altar. Hyorin will hear about it. She’ll be furious, maybe even desperate enough to come back.”
You frowned, your thoughts racing. “And if I don’t want to?”
A chuckle escaped Mingyu, a sound that brought a flicker of childhood memories—those endless debates, the playful bickering that now seemed like a different lifetime. “Then we’ll negotiate. But I can promise that all your needs will be met. Besides,” he paused, his eyes narrowing just a touch, “Beomjae wouldn’t be able to harass you at my place.”
The mention of Beomjae sent a chill down your spine, your discomfort deepening. You didn’t like how easily Mingyu had brought up that night in front of his lawyer. It was a memory you’d hoped to lock away and never revisit. Still, the thought of escaping Beomjae’s shadow was tempting, more than tempting.
“And just so we’re clear,” Mingyu continued, his voice dropping to a serious note, “you’re not sleeping in my bed. The house has more than enough rooms.” He said it matter-of-factly, but the unexpected implication made your cheeks burn. You felt a wave of embarrassment rush through you as if the contract itself was some guilty secret.
The lawyer pointed to another clause. Intercourse was strictly prohibited; anything more intimate than staged public displays of affection would void the agreement and terminate the contract immediately. You breathed out slowly, relief mixing with an odd nervousness. The contract laid out your new reality in stark, unyielding terms, yet there was no malice hidden in its words. Mingyu might have been many things, but he wasn’t deceitful. He wouldn’t trap you with fine print. And the money? The staggering sum of thirty-five billion won seemed almost absurd, a price you weren’t sure you deserved for playing pretend for three months.
Mingyu’s gaze softened as he spoke, almost as if he could read your mind. “This role is harder than you think, Y/N. It won’t be easy.”
You glanced up at him, a blend of challenge and resignation in your eyes, before signing your name. The final stroke of the pen echoed in your ears like a tolling bell. Tomorrow, everything would change. You weren’t just Mingyu’s childhood friend anymore.
You were now his girlfriend. His thirty-five-billion-won girlfriend.
*
As you stepped into the birthday party hosted by Mingyu’s uncle, Kim Jaejoong, a wave of self-consciousness swept over you. The dazzling lights reflected off shimmering gowns and sharp suits, making you feel more out of place than ever. You were dressed simply, far too simply for such an event, and each glance cast your way seemed to gnaw at your self-esteem. You gave your name at the entrance, "Kim Mingyu's plus one," and the attendant nodded, letting you through with barely a glance.
The room was filled with South Korea’s most influential figures, a crowd where power was worn as naturally as their tailored suits. You scanned the room, trying to find Mingyu's familiar silhouette among a sea of business elites. But everyone here looked alike in their uniform of suit and tie, making it more challenging than you'd expected.
Then you spotted her. Wi Hyorin.
Hyorin, the heiress of Wi Finance, one of South Korea's most prestigious financial empires. The very woman who had left Mingyu standing alone at the altar, igniting a wildfire of gossip across the business world. The alliance that their marriage would have cemented had turned into a scandal overnight, the fallout reverberating through boardrooms and society pages. But why was she here, now, at Jaejoong's event? Was she trying to rekindle something? Your chest tightened as you watched her glide gracefully across the room.
Your eyes found Mingyu. He stood tall, commanding attention in a circle of businessmen, his smile practiced and confident. But as Hyorin moved toward him, you noticed a shift in his demeanor—a flicker of recognition and tension. The past month of living with Mingyu as his so-called “gold digger” girlfriend had been surreal. Tabloid stories had painted you as an unknown actress who somehow caught the eye of the jilted billionaire. Kim Mingyu’s New Flame: The Mysterious Actress After the Altar Scandal. The stories practically wrote themselves, and you, once a spectator to such dramas, were now the unwitting star.
You took a deep breath, a rush of impulse taking hold. If Mingyu’s plan was to make Hyorin jealous to win her back, then a bold move was justified, right? No harm done if it served the goal.
You walked steadily toward him, the room seeming to shrink as your heartbeat drummed in your ears. Mingyu noticed you, his eyes lighting up with a practiced warmth as he lifted a hand to wave, playing the devoted boyfriend role perfectly.
“Meet my girlfriend, Ji Y/N. She’s an actress—”
Before he could finish, you acted. Your hand reached up, pulling him toward you as your lips met his in a sudden, daring kiss. A collective gasp rippled through the crowd, the clink of champagne glasses pausing midair. You felt Mingyu’s initial shock; his body stiffened, and he pulled back, eyes wide with surprise.
The room was a frozen tableau for a heartbeat, but it was Hyorin’s voice that shattered the silence. “So, you’re dating your childhood friend now, Mingyu?” Her tone was soft, almost melodious, but it carried an edge that cut through you like a blade. The implication in her words stung more than you expected. How dare she, after abandoning him?
But before you could react, Mingyu stepped away from you, turning to Hyorin with an almost desperate urgency. His hand reached for hers, a gesture that made your stomach drop. “I didn’t kiss her back, Hyorin,” he said, his voice clear enough for anyone nearby to hear.
The world seemed to tilt, his words echoing in your mind. Your heart plummeted as the realization settled in: Kim Mingyu, the man you once called your friend—no, the man you were now pretending to be in love with—was still devoted to the woman who had humiliated him in front of the entire country. And he had just proven it, publicly.
The plan was to make Hyorin jealous enough to return to him. It was working. You’d done what you set out to do, so why did your chest ache like this? You told yourself it didn’t matter. You had no right to feel this way. This was a job, a role to play, nothing more.
You stepped back, your face a mask of practiced calm as you retreated to the quieter corner of the venue. The din of conversation swallowed the silence you left behind. You reached for a glass of wine, the cool liquid promising a momentary reprieve from the chaos in your mind.
“So, you’re Ji Y/N, the one everyone’s been talking about?” A voice interrupted the solitude you had wrapped yourself in. You turned to see an unfamiliar face—a man you had never met before. He was striking, with sharp features and an air of effortless confidence. He introduced himself as Yoon Jeonghan, a college friend of Mingyu’s. The name registered immediately; he was the CEO of Yoonique, a luxury fashion brand that had been making waves locally and internationally.
“If you’re his girlfriend, I should’ve met you by now, especially with all the news swirling around. But here we are, meeting for the first time,” Jeonghan said, his tone light but with an undercurrent that suggested he knew more than he was letting on.
You felt your heart tighten. This conversation was more layered than you were prepared for, and the probing curiosity in his eyes made you reach for your wine again. “I’m not in a position to answer that,” you muttered, the rim of the glass brushing your lips.
Jeonghan chuckled, a low sound that somehow put you at ease and on edge at the same time. He leaned against the railing beside you, his eyes shifting to the city lights that stretched beyond the venue’s grand windows. “Mingyu’s a fool sometimes. I can see that now more than ever. I’m sorry you got caught up in this mess,” he said, his voice softening, making you turn to look at him.
“He told me about his plan—to win Hyorin back. I never thought it was a good idea, but I see now that you’re his partner in this... charade?” He paused, waiting for a response that you didn’t have. Your silence was answer enough.
You sighed, the weight of the night pressing down on you. “I’ve known him since we were kids. This is the least I can do, especially for his parents. They’ve been under so much pressure since the wedding incident,” you whispered, careful not to let anyone overhear your conversation.
Jeonghan’s expression shifted, a blend of understanding and something else you couldn’t quite read. He nodded slowly, acknowledging the burden you both seemed to carry. The quiet between you was a welcome reprieve from the noise inside, where murmurs and sidelong glances threatened to pull you apart.
You sipped your wine again, eyes drifting over the dark, sprawling skyline. Out here, you didn’t have to hear the whispered gossip or feel the eyes boring into your back.
“Mingyu ditched his girlfriend for his ex-fiancée?”
The thought sent a shiver down your spine, not because it wasn’t true, but because you knew people were cruel enough to say it aloud. Even if you were okay with being in this position, it was still humiliating to be part of such a spectacle.
Jeonghan’s voice brought you back. “Are you free tomorrow? Would you be willing to meet me at my office?” He asked, his eyes catching yours in the window’s reflection, the city lights dancing in them like embers.
You turned to face him, a flicker of curiosity sparking in your chest. What could he possibly want from you? Whatever it was, the idea of visiting Yoonique’s CEO office sounded intriguing, an unexpected twist in an already complicated story.
“Sure,” you replied, a small smile tugging at your lips. You weren’t sure where this was heading, but for the first time that night, you felt a sliver of excitement cut through the haze of doubt.
*
"You ran away," Mingyu said as he stepped into your room, his voice low and sharp. The door clicked shut behind him, and you glanced up to see him in a half-dressed state—his suit discarded, an expensive dress shirt clinging to his broad frame, and a loosened blue tie draped around his neck. The sight was disheveled, raw, and too close for comfort.
You sat on the edge of the bed, the script for your newest and most promising role—a second lead that could finally catapult your acting career—resting in your hands. Your eyes met his, refusing to show the tumult of emotions twisting in your chest.
“You didn’t knock,” you said, trying to maintain an even tone. It was a feeble attempt to set a boundary, one you knew he would ignore.
Mingyu’s eyes darkened as he took a step closer, his presence overwhelming the room. “As far as I remember, this is my house. And this room is technically mine.”
A retort sat on the tip of your tongue, bastard, but you swallowed it down. The weight of the day hung over you like a shroud, and rest was all you craved. You placed the script on the nightstand and sat up straighter, facing him.
“Yeah, I know. You’ve made it abundantly clear that I’m living in your place. So, technically, this is still your room. Want to sleep here tonight?” You threw out the jest, trying to shift the tension, but it landed wrong.
Mingyu’s jaw tightened, and he took another step forward, eyes blazing. “You kissed me and now you’re asking if I want to sleep with you? Is that how cheap you are, Y/N?” His voice was harsh, each word slicing through the space between you.
The accusation stung. It was as if the air had been sucked out of the room. “You think I kissed you for that?” Your tone cracked, disbelief laced with hurt.
“You kissed me in front of everyone and caused a scandal! You really thought that would help my plan?” His voice rose, frustration spilling over like an overflowing dam.
You met his glare, eyes narrowed. “The plan was to make Hyorin jealous, to make her want you back. Didn’t it work?” Your voice was low, trembling with controlled rage.
Mingyu ran a hand through his hair, exasperation etched across his face. “Making her jealous and actually getting her back are two different things, Y/N! Your impulsive stunt just pushed her further away. It showed her that I’m willing to move on. That wasn’t supposed to happen.”
Your chest ached as you watched him unravel. “And whose fault is that?” you shot back. “You practically shouted to the world that you didn’t kiss me back. Right in front of her, in front of everyone. That’s how stupid you are, Kim Mingyu!”
For a moment, silence fell, crackling with unresolved tension. Mingyu’s eyes widened in disbelief, as if he hadn’t expected you to fight back. His anger morphed into something deeper, something unreadable.
Suddenly, he reached out and grabbed your arm, pulling you to your feet so swiftly that the room spun. You gasped as he leaned in, his breath warm against your skin.
“So I’m stupid because I didn’t kiss you back?” he whispered, the proximity making your pulse race. Before you could respond, his fingers found the nape of your neck, and he closed the distance between you. His lips crashed into yours with an urgency that stunned you.
Your mind screamed at you to resist, but the battle was fleeting. He was too strong, or maybe, you were too willing. Maybe it was because deep down, this was what you had wished for when you kissed him earlier—this reckless, unrestrained moment. Your hands found their way to his chest, and you felt yourself giving in, kissing him back with the same intensity.
The kiss became a desperate clash, more a battle than an embrace. Mingyu's hands gripped your waist with an intensity that left you breathless, fingers digging into your skin as if trying to mark you, claim you. You gasped when he pulled back, his eyes dark with something raw and unapologetic, searching your face for any hesitation.
The only answer you gave was a tug at his shirt, buttons flying in reckless abandon as you exposed the heat of his chest. He smirked, a hint of danger playing at the corner of his lips, before he pushed you back onto the mattress, following you down with a deliberate slowness that made your heart race. His body pressed into yours, all hard planes and coiled tension, a silent reminder of the power he wielded.
“Mingyu,” you breathed, the sound half plea, half challenge. He caught the way your voice faltered, and his smirk widened, leaning down to brush his mouth just below your jaw, trailing fire wherever he touched. Your hands found their way into his hair, tugging just enough to make him groan, the sound vibrating against your skin and igniting a reckless thrill.
He hovered over you, his eyes boring into yours, the heat between you searing. “Tell me to stop.” he rasped, a taunt that made your pulse quicken. Before you could answer, his lips claimed yours again, hard and consuming, leaving no room for second thoughts.
Clothes slipped away in a flurry of heated motions, the cool air biting at your exposed skin for only a moment before he was there, pressing into you, suffocating and electrifying all at once. The room was filled with sharp breaths and quiet gasps as he explored, each touch setting off a chain reaction you couldn’t control.
Every move was a silent challenge, a push and pull of dominance and surrender. His teeth grazed your collarbone, earning a shiver that he answered with a dark chuckle, fingers tracing paths that left you arching into him. Your nails raked down his back, pulling a hiss from him that made something dark and thrilling coil in your chest.
The space between you became suffocating, bodies moving together in a rhythm that left no room for tenderness, only hunger. Every gasp, every whispered name, was laced with defiance and something deeper, something both of you refused to name.
"The contract..." you muttered, the reality of the situation cutting through the haze that still clung to your mind. The gravity of what just happened settled between you like an uninvited guest.
Mingyu's expression shifted, a flicker of something unreadable crossing his face before he sat up, running a hand through his disheveled hair. He scoffed, the sound low and bitter. "Fuck, my lawyer doesn’t need to know about this," he said, half to himself and half to you, the implication hanging heavy in the air.
*
"So, did you sleep together?"
Jeonghan’s sharp question made you choke on the sip of tea his secretary had brought in moments earlier. You managed not to spill any as you placed the delicate cup back on the table, eyes locking with Jeonghan's. He was grinning, eyes sharp and teasing as they assessed your reaction.
"No..." he continued before you could answer, a smirk tugging at his lips. "I mean, I heard you moved in." He restated, though the pointed look in his eyes suggested he already suspected the truth.
"It was a business contract, Jeonghan," you responded evenly, though the words felt flimsy in the air. Jeonghan, who insisted you call him by his first name as though he wanted no reminder of his father’s legacy, hummed, tilting his head as if inviting you to elaborate.
"A three-month contract to get Hyorin back," you said, your voice steadying. "You probably already know this, but he wanted me to play the role of his fake girlfriend." At the end of your words, Jeonghan let out a dry chuckle, the sound mirthless.
"I can't believe he's that childish," he muttered. His gaze shifted, scrutinizing your face as if trying to read between the lines. "And what did you get out of this little arrangement?" he pressed.
You hesitated before muttering, "He paid my debt... 35 billion won."
Jeonghan’s eyes widened briefly before he masked his surprise. "That's a lot of money for three months," he said, watching you nod in agreement. "That’s life-changing."
"I plan to give it back when the contract ends," you admitted, almost shyly.
Jeonghan's brow lifted in disbelief, as though you’d just declared you were planning to burn the money. "Don't give it back. Keep it," he said, leaning forward with sudden intensity. "At least take that much from him after everything."
You let out a small, hollow laugh. "I helped him because he's my friend," you said, your voice tinged with a bitter edge. "And, as I told you yesterday... for his parents. I’ll work hard and pay my own debts."
Jeonghan went quiet, his eyes narrowed in contemplation, taking in every word as if filing them away.
"May I know what kind of situation landed you with that much debt?" he finally asked.
You bit your lip, the weight of the past pressing down like a heavy cloak. It was complicated, a story rooted in tragedy. "It wasn’t originally my debt; it was my father’s," you began, your voice tight. "He owned a production house and partnered with a young director, Lee Beomjae. The project was ambitious, with a promise of 100 billion won. Beomjae even invested his own money, but then... everything collapsed. The company went bankrupt when my father died in a car accident, and my mother... she couldn’t bear it and took her own life. The business fell apart, and no one wanted to pick up the pieces. That left me with 35 billion won I couldn't escape."
The silence that followed was heavy, suffocating. You took another sip of tea, anything to break the tension that stretched between you and Jeonghan.
He leaned back in his chair, eyes studying you with newfound understanding. "Here’s what I think, Y/n," he said, voice soft but unwavering. "Mingyu wanted you to be his contract girlfriend, paid you a fortune, and you signed up for it. Yet, you didn’t take the money. I don’t know any friend who’d go to those lengths for someone."
He paused, his eyes narrowing as a knowing smirk spread across his lips.
"Unless..."
"You have feelings for him."
*
You were certain you didn't have any feelings for Mingyu. That much you knew. But whatever had happened between you and Jeonghan earlier in the office was beyond your control. The way his presence felt so imposing, so suffocating—it was like being caught in a storm you never saw coming. Jeonghan was a menace. You could tell just from the way his eyes glinted with malicious amusement, always reveling in the discomfort or pain of others. And that included his friend, Mingyu.
"Okay, let's say you don’t have feelings for him." Jeonghan's voice cut through the tension, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips as if he'd already dismissed your objections.
Without warning, he pulled out his phone and dialed a number. His thumb slid across the screen, and it lit up with a name that made your stomach drop—Mingyu.
What on earth was Jeonghan up to? Why was he calling Mingyu? Your heart began to pound in your chest as the phone rang, the sound impossibly loud in the stillness of the room.
The line clicked, and Mingyu's familiar voice came through, bright and casual. "Jeonghan... What’s up?"
The friendly tone was jarring to your senses. This was the voice of someone you'd never heard since you threw yourself into this mess with Mingyu. Certainly not the same voice from last night, the one that had been cold and cutting. The same man who, earlier that morning, had made his feelings crystal clear.
“I would never kiss you like I like you, Y/N. You’re a cheap woman. And even if you were the only woman in this world, I still wouldn’t kiss you like I liked you. You understand?”
The words echoed in your mind as if they were still fresh, still raw. The anger, the frustration—it didn’t hurt as much anymore. It was just a painful truth you had come to terms with: he had turned into a bastard. And that realization, as much as you tried to deny it, was freeing.
Jeonghan, however, seemed to savor every moment. He leaned back in his chair, his eyes dancing with mischief as he spoke into the phone.
“I’m with your girlfriend now,” he chirped, his voice dripping with amusement. He glanced over at you, his gaze mischievous. "I invited her over, and she came. She’s a beautiful woman."
There was a long, tense pause on the other side. No immediate reaction. You weren’t expecting one. There was no way Mingyu would get upset that you were here with Jeonghan. He had no reason to. His obsession with his ex, Hyorin, was enough to blind him to everything else.
Jeonghan’s eyes met yours again, but now there was something almost predatory in them as he leaned in closer. “I feel like I don’t deserve his money…” you had told him earlier, confessing a doubt you had never voiced before. And Jeonghan, with his wicked grin, had been quick to respond.
“I’ll help you feel like you deserve it, Y/N,” he’d promised, the words laced with an implication you were too afraid to fully understand.
The phone call continued, Jeonghan now speaking directly to you. “What do you think of my office, darling?” His voice was low, too casual. "How about that... table? Do you like my table?"
You were growing more confused by the second. What the hell was he trying to imply with these questions? Was it a game to him? Did it even matter?
But it was the next question that threw everything into chaos, sending a rush of heat to your face and tightening your chest.
“What do you think about Mingyu?” Jeonghan’s voice was calm but probing. "Do you like being his girlfriend?"
The silence from Mingyu on the other end only made everything worse. You could feel him listening, silently absorbing everything Jeonghan was about to say. The pressure was unbearable, and you found yourself biting down hard on your lip, trying to suppress the tension building inside you. You didn’t want to answer, didn’t know how to.
But you saw the glint in Jeonghan’s eyes. It was playful—too playful—and you knew that once that look took hold, there was no turning back.
“And how about being mine?” Jeonghan’s voice was a low, smooth whisper, the words hanging in the air like a threat, a challenge.
You froze, your breath catching in your throat. Mingyu still hadn’t said anything. The silence between the three of you was suffocating, thick with unspoken implications. You could almost hear Jeonghan’s smirk widening, could almost feel the weight of his words pressing down on you, daring you to react.
*
Mingyu pounded into you with an urgency that felt primal, as if his very existence depended on it. Just an hour earlier, he had stormed into the house, eyes dark with something you couldn’t quite name—desperation, jealousy, rage. You'd barely finished toweling off from your shower when he burst through the door, demanding to know why you had been with Jeonghan.
“I was with Hyorin when you called,” you said, the confusion in your voice palpable.
His jaw clenched at the mention of Hyorin. So it wasn’t just Jeonghan's presence that set him off, but the fact that he was with Hyorin?
The realization simmered between you like a storm on the verge of breaking. But then, without another word, Mingyu had closed the distance, capturing your lips in a kiss that silenced your questions and pulled your body flush against his. It was as if Hyorin had never stood between you, as if she didn’t matter at all. The intensity in his eyes told you everything: he was lost, consumed, and somewhere beneath that, afraid.
Why, then, did he hold you as if the world might end in two months?
Was Hyorin really the cause of this frantic need?
Or was there more that he hadn’t told you?
Mingyu gripped your waist and lifted you onto the dining table, the hard edge pressing into your thighs. The table Jeonghan had mentioned in passing just today, in a tone laced with mischief.
Was this what Mingyu had been stewing over? The idea of Jeonghan touching you in his office?
“You’re mine the moment you signed that contract,” he growled, the heat of his breath grazing your ear as he buried himself inside you with an urgent, unrelenting rhythm.
His hands moved up to cup your breasts, fingers curling possessively around them as his voice dropped, husky and rough. “Gotta make my 35 billion worth it, right?"
*
The next morning, you woke up in Mingyu's arms, the remnants of the night clinging to your skin like a whispered secret. The blaring sound of your alarm shattered the silence, signaling the beginning of a day that promised exhaustion and long hours on set in another city. You shifted slightly, feeling the ache from the bruises on your body.
“Did I do that?” Mingyu’s voice, unexpectedly soft, cut through the tension hanging in the room. His eyes were wide with concern as they traced the discolored marks along your skin.
You turned your head to meet his gaze, surprised to see him fully awake, studying you with an expression you hadn’t seen in a while. He was too caught up in his own world to notice these things — too focused on himself last night. You almost wanted to tell him that they weren’t his doing, that it was Beomjae’s cruelty imprinted on you, but you knew better. Mingyu wouldn’t care. Or would he?
“No, it’s not you,” you whispered, the lie slipping out as easily as breathing.
Mingyu sat up, the sheets pooling around his waist, and reached out to touch the edge of a bruise that crept up your shoulder. “Who did this to you?” His voice was strained, eyes darkening. “Isn’t it painful? Do you need to go to the hospital?”
You looked at him for a long moment, searching for a hint of sincerity behind his sudden worry. He looked almost unrecognizable, stripped of his usual indifference, as though the man you once knew was peeking through. A weary sigh left your lips as you pushed yourself up and wrapped a robe around your sore body.
“It’s none of your business, Mingyu,” you said with a practiced coldness, shielding yourself from whatever softness he was trying to show.
“It is my business. You’re my girlfriend,” he protested, his tone almost petulant, as if he truly believed his own words.
A bitter chuckle escaped you. “Are you even listening to yourself, Kim Mingyu?” The disbelief in your voice echoed through the room as you moved to the vanity, tying your hair with mechanical precision. In the mirror, you caught a glimpse of his confusion, brows furrowed and eyes clouded with something unreadable.
“Just stick to being yourself,” you added, the edge in your tone slicing through any pretense of warmth. Before he could respond, you turned away and began preparing for the long day ahead, leaving whatever half-formed thoughts he had unspoken.
You arrived at the shooting location on time, weaving through bustling crew members as they prepped for the day. Greeting everyone with polite nods and smiles, you slid seamlessly into your work. Without the support of a label or company, there was no manager trailing behind you. Every break was spent alone, sitting in your old, worn-out car, waiting for the next call.
“Everyone knows they cast her just because she’s Kim Mingyu’s girlfriend.” The whispers were never far, a constant background noise you had learned to ignore.
You pushed through the two or three scenes you had, monitoring them closely on playback to ensure your performance held up. It was in places like this where you soaked up everything you could, learning and growing, despite the limitations of playing minor roles. The space for growth was narrow, but you squeezed through whatever cracks you found.
“Hey, I’m Boo Seungkwan.” The voice was friendly, and when you looked up, the assistant director stood before you with an open, sincere expression.
You stood and bowed politely. “I’m Ji Y/N. Please take care of me.”,
Boo Seungkwan was a familiar presence on set, a talented and respected assistant director who had built a strong reputation despite his young age. You knew he wouldn’t approach you without reason, which made your heart race with a mix of anticipation and dread.
“Are you the daughter of Ji Jinkyung?” The question hit you like a cold wave.
Your breath caught for a moment. How did he know? You had spent years avoiding this truth, never mentioning your father’s name to anyone. The rise and fall of Ji Jinkyung had been a scandal splashed across headlines when JiPH declared bankruptcy, a tragedy soon followed by your mother’s death. You weren’t ashamed of your past; you were haunted by the guilt of the lives that crumbled alongside your family’s fall.
Seungkwan’s eyes softened with a mix of curiosity and sympathy. “I remember seeing you on set with him every weekend,” he said, nostalgia lacing his voice. “And I saw ‘Morning Mourn.’ You were incredible in that film.”
The memory stung, but you masked it with a practiced smile. “Thank you,” you whispered.
Driving home, Seungkwan’s words lingered like a dark cloud. If Lee Beomjae was spreading the truth about your identity, the ripple effect could be devastating. If the rumor reached the media, the production team could drop you without hesitation. Seungkwan’s heads-up was a lifeline, a warning to prepare yourself.
You parked outside and dialed Beomjae’s number, the cold metal of your phone pressed against your ear as the night air seeped into your bones. You had to confront him, to make sure he understood that spreading rumors would ruin everything—whatever thin strand of normalcy you were clinging to while trying to repay the impossible debt he held over you. You felt foolish, lost in the labyrinth of his manipulation. Was the debt even real? Or was it just another tool he used to torture you, to remind you of your powerlessness?
The vibration of an incoming message pulled you from your thoughts.
“Come to my parents’ house. There’s something they want to discuss with you.”
Mingyu’s text sat on your screen, an unexpected summons that left you staring, uncertain of what awaited you on the other side.
*
“I don’t remember raising you like this.” Mingyu’s father stormed out of the room, leaving behind an icy silence that wrapped around his wife, their son, and the woman who had walked out on Mingyu at the altar just two months ago. Mingyu released a heavy sigh as he sank deeper into the couch, feeling the weight of the room pressing down on him. Next to him, Hyorin sat with her head bowed, looking as fragile as porcelain, having come to his parents earlier to plead for their acceptance—an act that had summoned Mingyu here in a rush.
“Your father’s right, Mingyu. You’re crossing a line,” his mother said, her voice taut with disappointment. “When we heard you had a girlfriend, we assumed it would be someone we didn’t know. But imagine our shock when we found out it was Y/N. She’s like a daughter to us, Mingyu.”
Hyorin’s confession had unraveled everything. She had exposed Mingyu’s plan to win her back, even spilling the details to his parents. Mingyu had thought he could play for time—hold Hyorin off just long enough to make his next move. He hadn’t expected her to take matters into her own hands and throw everything into chaos.
“She agreed to it, Mother,” Mingyu defended, his voice low and strained. “She needs money—a lot of it. And she’s not the same Y/N you remember. She’s changed.”
His mother scoffed at his justification, a sound filled with disbelief and disdain. “Listen to yourself, Mingyu. Do you even hear how ridiculous you sound?” She stood up abruptly, the soft rustle of her skirt filling the silence as she followed her husband out of the room.
Mingyu’s heart sank deeper into his chest. The finality of his mother’s parting words echoed back at him as she turned at the doorway, her gaze steely and resolute. “This conversation isn’t over. I will speak to Y/N myself.”
Mingyu slumped back against the couch, the tension in his shoulders not easing even a bit. He glanced at his phone. The text he’d sent you over an hour ago remained unanswered, and now your silence gnawed at him with fresh urgency.
“I’m sorry,” Hyorin whispered, her hands trembling as she covered her face. Tears threatened to spill, and she struggled to hold them back. “I didn’t mean for it to get this big. I was desperate.”
Mingyu’s eyes softened, a sigh slipping past his lips. “No need to apologize, Hyorin. It’s done.”
“I promise I’ll do better,” she said, her voice breaking. “But please, stop this, Mingyu. Let’s go back to how things were. Let her go and come back to me.”
Mingyu drove home with a storm of thoughts churning in his mind. Frustration clenched his jaw tight, fueling his anger. You hadn't shown up when he needed you, and the disappointment gnawed at him. His parents refused to have a conversation without you; they cherished you, even after all these years apart. And Mingyu despised you for that. You were always the one they looked at with warmth, while he stood in the shadow of their expectations.
As he pushed open the door to the apartment, prepared to unleash another round of arguments with you, a familiar ritual that often ended with the two of you waking up next to each other in uneasy silence the next morning, he froze. His anger drained as he took in the sight before him. You were lying on the couch, eyes closed, face bruised and lips swollen.
“Who did this to you?” Mingyu’s voice cracked with urgency, his earlier frustration transforming into a different kind of rage. He crossed the room in three quick strides and cupped your face, startling you awake with his touch. The worry in his eyes felt foreign, almost out of place, but it was there, unmistakable.
You blinked at him, dazed and confused, mumbling something he couldn’t quite catch. But Mingyu wasn’t listening. His eyes traced the darkening bruise on your cheekbone and the split in your lip, and an irrational fury bubbled up inside him. The idea that someone had hurt you like this made his blood run hot.
“Tell me who did this to you,” he pressed, his tone leaving no room for evasion. His fingers gripped your jaw just tight enough to draw your gaze, his own eyes blazing. He didn’t know what he would do once he had a name, but he was too far gone in his anger to care.
“I fell during shooting and hurt myself,” you whispered, eyes darting away from his.
Mingyu’s shoulders slumped slightly as he exhaled, the tension simmering down just enough for him to think. Without a word, he stood and retrieved the first aid kit and a bowl of ice cubes, kneeling beside you and insisting on tending to your injuries.
“How was the meeting?” you asked, breaking the heavy silence as he dabbed an antiseptic on your lip with more gentleness than you expected.
“Is that really important right now?” he scoffed, pressing the cloth to your bruised cheek. “We need to go to the hospital.”
You shook your head, a stubborn glint in your eyes. “It’ll heal.”
Mingyu’s movements faltered when you added, “I heard Hyorin was there. Did you get back together?”
He stiffened, setting the ice aside as his eyes met yours. “How do you know?” His tone was sharp, a thread of suspicion woven through it. “Were you there?”
You nodded, wincing as the motion pulled at your sore skin. “I came by for a bit. The maid mentioned Hyorin was inside, so I stayed back. I waited for over an hour, but I realized it would take longer, so I left.”
Mingyu’s frustration returned, tinged with a different emotion this time. “With your face looking like this? Are you always this stupid, Y/N?” His voice cracked, half-worried, half-angry.
You flinched but kept your gaze steady. “So, did you take her back?”
Mingyu ran a hand through his hair, the action filled with exasperation. “Is that what matters right now? You’re hurt, Y/N. I didn’t even know until I walked in the door.”
A confused look crossed your face as you whispered, “But that’s why we’re doing all of this, Mingyu. We need Hyorin back, for your sake.”
Mingyu stared at you, the weight of your words sinking in and tying knots in his chest. Your face was a mess of bruises, but there you sat, so focused on his plan, on helping him, as if your own pain didn't matter at all. The guilt gnawed at him, tearing apart the flimsy walls he’d built around himself.
Maybe what Mingyu feel about you lately is just a guilt. He just... pity you, that's it.
*
One month left before you’d be officially disboyfriended Mingyu. The term you coined mocked you with its bitter humor as you called Jeonghan, settling into the driver’s seat of your car. The air around you was heavy after your meeting with Hyorin. She had been surprisingly composed, delivering her message with a practiced smile: Mingyu and she were getting back together. Mingyu had even promised to escort her to the Jeon annual event this weekend, a public confirmation of their rekindled relationship.
You gritted your teeth, the irony not lost on you—did Hyorin know that for the past month, Mingyu had been tangled up with you, both in mind and body? The betrayal tasted metallic on your tongue.
Jeonghan picked up on the third ring. “So, what’s up?” His casual tone brought a semblance of calm to your frayed nerves.
You took a deep breath, steadying yourself for what you were about to commit to. “I’m in,” you said, voice low but firm.
There was a pause before Jeonghan chuckled, the sound both amused and intrigued. “What are you implying?” His voice took on a more serious edge, probing for clarity.
“I’ll take your offer,” you clarified, the weight of the words sinking in. “The offer to make me feel like I deserve his money.”
Jeonghan’s laughter came through, rich and approving. “That’s my girl,” he said with a hint of pride. “Alright, listen. Here’s the plan: meet me at my store in Gangnam after lunch.”
A few hours later, you stood under the warm glow of boutique lights as Jeonghan’s keen eyes assessed you. The racks around you were adorned with high-end pieces—silk, satin, tailored elegance. He moved from one option to another, fingers sliding over fabrics, before selecting a few and holding them up against your frame.
“Change into this,” he said, gesturing to a piece that was an explosion of jewel-toned fabric. You nodded and disappeared behind the velvet curtain of the fitting room. The process repeated: outfits changed, critiques delivered. A disapproving headshake here, a muttered comment there—“Not good enough,” he’d say, or a more frustrated, “We need an emergency meeting with the designers. Yoonique has to fit everyone.”
Then, you stepped out in the last dress. Jeonghan’s eyes lit up, and he gasped, genuinely taken aback. The black satin dress hugged your body like a secret, long-sleeved and sleek, with an open back that hinted at danger and a neckline that dipped tastefully. A slit ran high on your thigh, exposing just enough skin to catch anyone’s attention. It was bold yet elegant—perfect.
“That’s it,” he said, satisfaction curling his lips into a smirk. “It’s yours.” He stood and circled you slowly, eyeing the bruises that marred the expanse of your back. His smirk faded, replaced by a frown. “We’ll need to cover these. Is this from Beomjae?” he asked, his voice tight with concern.
You nodded, catching the muttered “that bastard” that escaped him. Jeonghan’s eyes met yours, a silent promise lingering there: no more bruises, not after today.
On the day of the Jeon annual event, you arrived with Jeonghan, knowing full well the storm of media attention it would draw. 'Mingyu's girlfriend seen with Jeonghan, while Mingyu arrives with the ex-fiancée who left him at the altar.' The headline alone promised chaos and scandal.
Jeonghan had made you two promises. First, he would help you with Beomjae. His legal team was already working on investigating the debt that bound you to that abusive man, ensuring you wouldn't owe a penny and that Beomjae would face justice for what he had done. Second, he would help you reclaim yourself—to feel whole and worthy, with or without Mingyu in the picture.
“Tell me, since when?” Jeonghan’s question came out of nowhere as the two of you drove back from his store that day. The question made your heart stutter.
“Since when what?” you asked, eyebrows knitting together in confusion.
Jeonghan scoffed lightly, his eyes flickering with a knowing glint. “Since when did you start liking Mingyu?”
The silence stretched, and you searched your memory, trying to pinpoint the moment. Since when? Had you even realized you still liked him? Or was it a relic of the childhood crush you’d once harbored? Memories trickled in: Mingyu as the boy who would lose every game with his friends but somehow always win when he played with you—because you let him. That’s what you remembered most clearly. The rest blurred into moments that felt as if they had always existed.
In high school, things shifted. Conversations became sparse, reserved for those rare moments when home felt stifling, and you’d climb into each other’s bedroom windows just to share the silence. Then, without warning, he had to leave. Distance stretched across miles and years, and life pushed you apart. Your father’s passing forced you to sell your phone, cutting off all contact. What once felt close turned distant, and the feelings that remained had never been addressed.
You exhaled shakily, unable to meet Jeonghan’s gaze. “I...I don’t know,” you admitted. Shame colored your voice—shame that after everything, after being discarded and treated like an afterthought, you still cared for him.
Jeonghan’s arm encircled your waist as the two of you stepped into the grand ballroom, the low hum of whispers swelling as eyes followed your entrance. The whispers said everything you were thinking. Why was Mingyu’s girlfriend with Jeonghan when Mingyu had walked in with Hyorin? The question echoed in your mind too.
Jeonghan, ever composed, treated you like royalty throughout the event. His voice dipped to a conspiratorial whisper as he leaned in. “Just follow my lead,” he instructed. If anyone knew how to navigate this social minefield, it was him.
But when you excused yourself to go to the restroom, a hand shot out from the shadows of the corridor, pulling you into a quiet corner. Your back hit the wall, and you were met with Mingyu’s fierce gaze, a tempest swirling in his eyes.
“Why are you here with Jeonghan? He’s my friend,” Mingyu hissed, voice laced with anger barely contained.
You lifted your chin, meeting his glare head-on. “Am I not allowed to be here? Is it because of my status?” The pointed question carried the sting of Hyorin’s earlier remark: ‘You’re not on Mingyu’s level, Y/N.’
Mingyu’s brows pulled together in frustration. “What? That’s not what I meant! I’m asking why you’re with Jeonghan.” His voice strained as he pressed you lightly against the wall.
You took a steadying breath, finding a surge of confidence within yourself. “Because you didn’t invite me. Jeonghan did."
“Everyone knows you’re my girlfriend!” His voice cracked, the desperation seeping through.
You scoffed, your eyes narrowing. “But you showed up with your ex, so tell me, Mingyu, what’s the difference?”
He faltered, searching for words. “I didn’t come with her. We just met here!”
“Does it even matter?” Your voice dropped, quiet and weary. The fight in you waned as reality set in.
Mingyu’s eyes blazed with anger as your words echoed between you. He took a sharp breath, fists clenching at his sides. “What’s gotten into you? Are you even hearing yourself? We’re still in contract!” he reminded you, his tone harsh and commanding.
“So what? We already broke the contract the moment you put your hands on me, Mingyu,” you shot back, holding your ground. “There’s nothing in the agreement saying other men can’t do the same.”
His eyes narrowed, and his jaw tightened as he stepped closer, the space between you suffocating. “Did you sleep with Jeonghan?” The question came out as a growl, possessive and edged with jealousy.
You tilted your chin defiantly. “It’s not your business, Mingyu. I can do whatever I want.”
“No,” he said, voice low but brimming with fury. “You’re my girlfriend. I paid you to be my girlfriend, and you should listen to me. We’re going home.”
The statement cut through you, reminding you of the transactional nature of what was supposed to be a façade. It was true, he’d paid you to play this role, but somewhere along the way, the lines had blurred. Your heart thudded in your chest as you wondered what awaited you once you returned to his house. The memory of last night lingered—how your bodies had moved in sync, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
But tonight, the air was different, thick with tension and unspoken truths. You swallowed hard, worrying if there were still any condoms left in his house, remembering using the last one in a moment of impulsive passion. Your pulse quickened at the thought of what this confrontation could mean, unsure whether it would spiral into a battle or ignite something deeper.
*
Hyorin had asked you that one time, "Are you two sleeping together in our room?" Her question was layered with implications. Was she trying to confirm if you and Mingyu had crossed that line? Or was she mocking you by emphasizing our room, as if to remind you that she once had ownership over that space, even after she left him on the altar? Your mind raced with anger and confusion. The only thing you wanted to do as you sat across from her was to slap that smug smile off her face. How dare she come back after everything she'd done?
“Why?” The word slipped out of your mouth before you could stop it.
Hyorin’s smile widened, cruel and taunting. “Well, he doesn’t like anyone else in his bed, so I was wondering if you sleep there, in our room. I mean, the master bedroom. I’m sorry…” Her tone dripped with insincerity, and you knew she wasn’t sorry at all.
The memory stung as you woke up before dawn. You were back in your own room, while Mingyu lay sleeping beside you. The events of last night still echoed in your mind. After he dragged you out of the event, you had dared to ask him, almost pleading, if the two of you could sleep in his room instead.
“No. I don’t like when someone else enters my room,” he had said, his voice cold and detached.
“But you said I’m your girlfriend,” you had whispered, trying to understand where you truly stood.
Mingyu’s gaze darkened. “You’re just a girlfriend I paid for. Don’t ask for more.”
The words cut through you like a blade. You sighed and gently pulled yourself from his embrace, a hollowness settling deep inside. It was time. You couldn’t ignore the truth anymore.
He had Hyorin back. The proof sat on the nightstand—his check for 35 billion won, neatly tucked under his phone. Your job was done. Everything you had endured, every humiliation and compromise, had led to this. And it wasn��t enough to let you into his real space, his heart. You knew then that Jeonghan was right; staying by Mingyu’s side would only continue to break you.
You packed your essentials silently, fighting the lump in your throat, and slipped out of the house before the sun rose. You drove aimlessly, just needing to be far away. Your apartment wasn’t safe with Beomjae still lurking; Jeonghan had warned you that it might take two more months to gather enough evidence to protect you in court. He urged patience, but today you had none left.
All this time, every sacrifice you made for Mingyu, every part of yourself you gave, it was never enough for him to let you into his true sanctuary. It was time to go, time to leave behind the pain and reclaim whatever was left of yourself.
Mingyu woke up to an emptiness that gnawed at him immediately. He reached out instinctively, expecting to feel your warmth beside him, but his hand met only cold sheets. He sat up, confusion creasing his brow as he glanced around the room. The stillness was unsettling, the house too quiet.
“Y/n?” he called out, his voice breaking the silence. He listened, hoping for the sound of your voice or even the light shuffle of your footsteps. Nothing. A wave of irritation surged through him as he threw back the covers and stood up, the cool floor beneath his feet doing nothing to temper his rising anger.
He strode through the house, checking the kitchen, the living room, even the guest room. Empty. The frustration that had simmered inside him since the event now boiled over. Why would you leave without saying anything?
As he stormed back into yout room, something on the nightstand caught his eye. The check he had written for you sat there, staring back at him like an accusation. His eyes narrowed, and his jaw tightened. The sight of it made his blood run cold and hot all at once.
It was the final insult. You hadn’t just left—you had left him with the one thing that symbolized the transactional nature of your relationship, the thing that once gave him control but now mocked him with your absence. He clenched his fist so hard his knuckles turned white. The implications of you leaving the check behind sent a spike of panic through him, laced with anger. You were rejecting everything: the arrangement, the money, him.
“Damn it, Y/n!” he roared, sweeping his arm across the nightstand. The check, his phone, and a glass of water crashed to the floor. The sound of shattering glass echoed in the room, mirroring the turmoil inside him.
He paced back and forth, running a hand through his disheveled hair. The idea of you walking out without a word gnawed at him. You had always been the one constant in his chaotic life, the one person who, despite everything, was there. Now, the emptiness felt sharper than ever, and he realized too late how deep your absence cut.
Mingyu grabbed his phone from the floor, ignoring the cracked screen as he tried to call you. The call rang once, twice, and then went straight to voicemail. Frustration clawed at him as he dialed again, the unanswered call only fueling his desperation.
“Pick up, damn it,” he muttered under his breath. The third call met the same fate, and it was then that a sinking feeling set in. This wasn’t just you leaving for a break. This was different.
He stared at the check on the floor, now crumpled and stained with water. The reality of your departure settled heavily on his chest. You were gone, and for the first time, he felt the weight of what it meant to be truly alone.
*
Mingyu stormed into Jeonghan's office first thing in the morning, his eyes dark with urgency and frustration. Jeonghan, who had been informed of his sudden arrival, greeted him with a polite smile that quickly faded at the sight of Mingyu’s tense expression.
"Where’s Y/n?" Mingyu demanded, his voice sharp and accusing. Jeonghan’s smile faltered as confusion clouded his features. What did he mean?
"She’s gone, Jeonghan. And you were with her last night," Mingyu continued, his tone carrying a hint of accusation, referencing the moment you arrived at the event on Jeonghan’s arm.
Jeonghan’s brows knitted together, a flash of realization and disbelief crossing his face. "No," he said firmly, shaking his head. "You were the one who took her home. You dragged her out of the event, remember?"
Mingyu’s expression darkened, and he muttered a curse under his breath. "Shit."
Jeonghan leaned back in his chair, studying the man in front of him. "What’s going on, Mingyu?" he pressed, his voice steady but probing. The room felt heavy with the weight of what was left unsaid.
Mingyu bit his lip, his eyes darting around as if searching for the right words. "It’s... complicated," he finally mumbled, his shoulders tense.
Jeonghan tilted his head, his gaze sharpening. "What could possibly be too complicated for me to understand? The contract? The debt? Spill it."
Mingyu’s eyes widened slightly. He knew? Did you tell Jeonghan everything? After a moment’s hesitation, Mingyu nodded, acknowledging Jeonghan’s knowledge. His mind raced as he tried to piece together what you might have shared.
"I wrote her a check for 35 billion won. She was in debt, so I helped her, and in return, she helped me with... well, everything. But now she’s gone," Mingyu’s voice cracked as he threw his hands up in exasperation, his frustration palpable.
Jeonghan was silent for a moment, his gaze unreadable. Then, with a deep sigh, he said, "She didn’t take the money."
Mingyu’s heart skipped a beat, disbelief flickering across his face. Did you tell Jeonghan that as well? The thought of you leaving behind the money he had given you felt like a slap in the face.
"If she’s gone, she’s really gone, Mingyu," Jeonghan said quietly, a hint of empathy coloring his tone. "You have Hyorin back, don’t you?"
Mingyu’s eyes flashed with something close to desperation. He ran a hand through his hair, disheveling it further. "This isn’t about Hyorin," he said, almost growling the words.
Jeonghan nodded slowly, a knowing look settling on his face. "I know. You're confused right now, I can tell. But maybe you need to ask yourself why it’s not about Hyorin anymore."
Mingyu paced back and forth in Jeonghan’s office, his mind racing with thoughts that tangled and frayed like a rope under too much pressure. Every moment that passed without you felt like sand slipping through an hourglass, a reminder of how close he was to losing you for good.
“Jeonghan, tell me where she went,” Mingyu’s voice cracked, a rare vulnerability shining through his usually composed demeanor. He wasn’t used to feeling so out of control, and it gnawed at him.
Jeonghan leaned back in his chair, arms folded over his chest, watching him with a look that was part sympathy, part indifference. “Even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you,” Jeonghan said, his tone as calm as ever. “You need to figure this out for yourself, Mingyu. Chasing her without understanding why she left won’t help either of you.”
Mingyu’s jaw clenched, frustration coursing through him. “I don’t need a lecture, Jeonghan. I need answers,” he snapped, his eyes narrowing. “You said you knew everything, so why won’t you help me?”
Jeonghan sighed and stood up, walking over to the window where sunlight filtered in, casting long, jagged shadows across the room. “Mingyu, you’re looking for her like she’s an answer to a problem. But she’s not an answer—she’s a person who needed more than you were willing to give,” Jeonghan said, turning to face him. “And if you don’t understand that, you won’t find her in any meaningful way.”
Mingyu’s breath quickened as anger and panic warred inside him. He wanted to shout, to lash out, but deep down, he knew Jeonghan was right. You had left, and it wasn’t just because of Hyorin, or the contract, or the money—it was because he hadn’t given you what you truly needed. A place in his life that was more than just obligation or arrangement.
Mingyu paused in the doorway, half-turned back to Jeonghan, who was still watching him with an expression that mingled curiosity and challenge. The silence crackled between them, charged and tense.
“I’m doing this because she’s my friend,” Mingyu finally said, his voice strained as if he was convincing himself as much as Jeonghan. “I love Hyorin. I always have. This isn’t about feelings, it’s about doing the right thing.”
Jeonghan’s eyes narrowed, a wry smile curving his lips. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the window frame. “Your friend?” he echoed, the words laced with skepticism. “Mingyu, if she was just a friend, you wouldn’t be standing here, desperate and wild-eyed because she left. You wouldn’t have risked everything to keep her by your side.”
“I’m not risking anything!” Mingyu’s voice rose, his fists clenching at his sides. “I’m looking for her because she needs help, not because—”
“Not because what?” Jeonghan cut in, raising an eyebrow. “Not because you’re afraid of losing her? Not because seeing her with someone else drove you crazy last night? Tell me, Mingyu, what kind of ‘friend’ does that?”
Mingyu felt the heat creep up his neck, anger and confusion tangling in his chest. He opened his mouth to argue but couldn’t find the words. Every accusation Jeonghan made landed too close to the truth, hitting on a part of him he refused to acknowledge.
“It’s not like that,” Mingyu muttered, though even to his own ears, it sounded hollow. “She’s different. She was there for me when no one else was, and now she’s gone. I owe her, Jeonghan. That’s all.”
Jeonghan stepped forward, his expression softening for a moment. “If you owe her, then give her more than just this frantic search. Be honest with yourself. If she’s just a friend, why did you let her become more? And if she’s more, why are you fighting so hard to deny it?”
Mingyu looked down, the room blurring as his thoughts spiraled. Memories of you, laughter shared in quiet moments, the way your eyes softened when you looked at him—all of it clashed with the image of Hyorin, the woman he once thought he’d spend his life with. The weight of conflicting emotions pressed down on him until he could barely breathe.
He turned away from Jeonghan without another word, storming out of the office, his mind a chaotic mess.
Jeonghan sighed as he pulled out his phone, his fingers tapping impatiently as he called you. It took five rings before you finally picked up.
"Sorry, I had a shoot," you muttered, your voice laced with exhaustion. But that wasn’t the answer Jeonghan was looking for.
"You didn’t take the money. What is wrong with you?" he shot back, frustration sharp in his tone.
There was a pause on your end, the kind of pause that said more than words ever could. Then, a quiet sigh slipped through. "How do you know?"
"Kim Mingyu stormed into my office looking for you," Jeonghan said, his voice growing more clipped. "He’s running around like a madman, and you didn’t take the money! I thought we were clear, Y/n."
But it hadn’t been clear, and Jeonghan knew that. It was never clear when it came to you and Mingyu. Silence lingered on the line, thick and telling.
You thought you’d fallen in love alone.
Jeonghan wanted to scream at you, to tell you that Mingyu loved you back. He wanted to shout that Mingyu’s ego was too big for him to admit it, that Hyorin was a convenient excuse, and that the people around him had only ever clouded his judgment. But Jeonghan wasn’t naive. He knew Mingyu better than that. Deep down, he knew Mingyu cared for you. No, it was more than that — Mingyu wanted you. He just didn’t know how to want you properly.
"It’s complicated," you muttered, the words barely above a breath.
Jeonghan pressed a hand to his forehead, fingers threading through his hair. Since when had he, of all people, failed to understand "complicated"? He'd seen it from the beginning — the way Mingyu's gaze lingered too long on you, the way your eyes softened at the sight of him. He saw it every time Mingyu made an excuse for you to stay. Complicated was an understatement.
"Okay," Jeonghan exhaled heavily, trying to stay calm. "Where are you?"
"Why should I tell you?" you countered, voice laced with weariness and defiance. "I’m just at a shoot. It’s a little far away."
Jeonghan let out a dry scoff. "Don’t play with me, Y/n. I’m not in the mood." His eyes darted to the window, the sunlight blinding but not nearly as irritating as the situation. "I need to make sure Beomjae doesn't get to you. Who’s gonna do that after you left Mingyu, huh?"
There was another pause, and this time it lasted longer. The weight of his words settled into the air, heavy and undeniable.
"Jeju," you finally admitted, voice quieter than before. "I’m in Jeju Island."
Jeonghan closed his eyes, letting the tension drain from his body. His head tilted back as he stared at the ceiling, lips curling into a faint, bitter smile.
"Of course you are," he muttered to himself, glancing out at the sky as if Jeju was close enough to see.
*
It was hard to control everything rationally when your heart had been battered one too many times — and it always seemed to be by the people you cared about most. Your father had left you with a crushing 35-billion-won debt. Your mother had left you behind as if you’d never existed. And now, Mingyu... You couldn’t even put into words what he had done to you, perhaps because he’d never truly been yours to begin with. He was just a friend. A friend who made you his contractual lover. How had it all come to this?
"That’s a wrap for tonight! Thank you so much for your hard work, everyone!" Boo Seungkwan's voice rang out loud and clear on set, cutting through the evening air.
He was the one who had cast you himself — handpicked you to play the lead in his film about a woman struggling with depression, seeking the meaning of life on Jeju Island. He’d told you he saw something in you, something raw and unspoken.
What a cruel twist of fate, you thought. The script no longer felt like a story you were telling. It had become your story. Every scene, every line, every emotion you were asked to portray felt like you were reliving your own pain on screen.
The crew slowly packed up, their tired voices fading as they made their way back to the rented house to rest. But you stayed behind, drawn to the shore like it had called your name. The night air was cool against your skin, and the steady lull of the waves was the only sound accompanying your thoughts.
You sat by the edge of the water, hugging your knees as you gazed at your reflection in the rippling surface. The moonlight softened the contours of your face, but it didn’t soften the hollow look in your eyes. The water moved, shimmering, shifting — it looked like it was calling you. Come closer, it seemed to say.
But you knew better. You knew that chasing that call wouldn’t solve anything. Ending it here wouldn’t leave anyone with peace — it would only leave scars. The kind of scars your mother had left behind when she vanished. She had been forgotten by most people, but for the ones who had loved her, the wounds never quite healed.
Who loves you, though?
The question struck you like a sudden gust of wind. It wasn’t the first time you’d wondered, but tonight, the ache was sharper.
Has anyone ever truly loved you?
Your mind wandered to your first love.
Your first kiss.
Your first everything.
All of them had been with Kim Mingyu.
You blinked, your lips parting to whisper his name, "Kim Mingyu..." The sound of it disappeared into the breeze, unnoticed and unanswered.
It was foolish, you knew. Because at the end of it all, Mingyu didn’t love you. He loved someone else. Wi Hyorin.
Her name alone carried a weight you didn’t want to bear, but it settled on you regardless.
What’s so great about Wi Hyorin? you wondered bitterly, clenching your fists against your knees. Your heart wanted to scoff, but your mind was crueler.
She’s soft-spoken. Calm. Composed. Smart. And from a wealthy, well-respected family.
You let out a bitter laugh, hollow and sharp like glass breaking. Of course, it made sense. She was everything you weren’t.
So what about you?
Your lips pressed into a thin line. No words came to mind. Not a single one. Because what could you offer him? Debt? Baggage? A heart too bruised to believe in love anymore?
Nothing. That’s what.
The ocean breeze brushed past you, cold but oddly comforting, like a quiet reassurance that you were still here. Still alive. Still breathing. The waves rolled in and out, persistent and unyielding, never once doubting their place in the world. You envied them.
For a moment, you closed your eyes, letting the sound of the sea fill the hollow space inside you.
If only love could be as steady as the tide.
"Ji Y/n..."
The familiar voice made you freeze, your heart lurching in your chest. Slowly, you turned toward the source of the call.
Your eyes widened. Kim Mingyu.
He stood there, breathless, still in his office attire, his tie loosened and his hair slightly disheveled. His chest rose and fell with each sharp breath, as if he’d run straight from the city to find you. His gaze locked on yours, his brows drawn together in a deep, urgent frown.
"You—" you stumbled toward him, your mind scrambling for words. "How did you get here? Why are you here?"
He chuckled lightly, a dry, breathless sound. His eyes, however, were far from playful. They were intense, sharp with resolve.
"You really want me to chase you, huh?" His voice was low, almost like a whisper meant only for you.
Before you could even process his words, he moved. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you close, firm but gentle at the same time. His warmth seeped into you, his heartbeat thudding steadily against your ear. For a moment, you couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, caught completely off guard by his sudden embrace.
"Mingyu, what are you—"
"I need you, Y/n." His voice was low, rough, filled with something raw and unfiltered. He leaned his head down, his breath fanning lightly against your hair. His words fell like quiet confessions against your ear, each one carrying more weight than the last. "I need you in my life."
Your breath hitched, your fingers curling into his shirt as if you were afraid he might disappear.
"You’re—" you pulled back slightly, just enough to see his face. His eyes, usually so guarded, were bare now, stripped of all his usual bravado. You saw it there — the honesty, the fear, the vulnerability. The love.
Your heartbeat felt like it stopped entirely when his next words fell from his lips.
"I think I love you, Y/n," he said, his gaze unwavering, his tone steady despite the chaos of emotions swirling between you both.
You blinked, stunned into silence. Your heart thudded painfully in your chest, faster and faster until it felt like it might burst.
"But..." Your voice trembled, barely above a whisper. "What about Hyorin?"
Mingyu’s eyes softened. He let out a slow, measured breath, as if he’d been waiting for that question. His hand cupped the back of your head, his thumb gently tracing small circles against your hair. His forehead leaned against yours, eyes closed, his next words spoken with absolute certainty.
"Not once in the past three months did I think about anyone but you."
The weight of his words crushed every doubt you’d been holding. It wasn’t just something he’d said to convince you — it was the truth, raw and undeniable.
Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, your chest tight with the weight of all the unspoken feelings you’d been burying for so long.
"You’re cruel," you whispered, your voice shaky as you tried to hold back your tears. "You’re so, so cruel, Kim Mingyu."
"I know," he murmured, his eyes opening to meet yours, filled with guilt and something that looked too close to regret. "But I’m here now, Y/n. I’m here."
His arms tightened around you, his embrace firm and unyielding, as if he was afraid you’d disappear.
"And I’m not letting you go this time," he said softly, his voice steady but filled with an unshakable resolve.
Your breath came in shallow, uneven waves as you stared into his eyes. The weight of his words pressed down on you, making it hard to think, hard to breathe. Your heart wanted to believe him, but your mind, bruised and battered by everything that had come before, hesitated.
"You say that now," you muttered, your gaze dropping to his chest where your hands rested, still clutching his shirt. "But what happens when it gets hard again, Mingyu? What happens when Hyorin looks at you like you’re her whole world, and you start to doubt this—" You swallowed hard, blinking away the tears threatening to fall. "—start to doubt me?"
He tilted his head, his eyes soft but unwavering. "I won’t."
"How can you be so sure?" Your voice cracked on the last word. "How am I supposed to believe you when it’s always been her? She was your dream, your everything. I was just—" Your voice broke entirely, and you hated how vulnerable you sounded. "I was just convenient."
"Stop," Mingyu said firmly, his voice leaving no room for doubt. He cupped your face with both hands, forcing you to look at him, really look at him. His eyes were darker than usual, filled with something you hadn’t seen before — clarity.
"You were never convenient," he said, his thumbs gently brushing away the tears that slipped down your cheeks. His forehead pressed against yours, his eyes closing as he breathed you in, like you were air after suffocating too long. "You were the only thing that ever made sense."
Your chest tightened, your breath hitching as you fought against the onslaught of emotions threatening to pull you under. "You’re just saying that because I left. People always want what they can’t have."
"No," he replied, his voice low but steady, carrying the weight of everything he’d been too blind to see before. "People always want what they’ve already lost."
Silence hung between you, thick and suffocating. The sound of waves crashing against the shore echoed in the distance, rhythmic and unending, a stark contrast to the storm brewing between you both.
"You didn’t lose me, Mingyu," you whispered, your voice small but certain. "You gave me away."
His face contorted with pain, his brows furrowing as if your words had physically struck him. His hands fell from your face, his head dropping low, his breathing sharp and shallow.
"You’re right," he muttered, his hands curling into fists at his sides. "I did."
You took a step back, needing space to breathe, needing distance before your heart betrayed you again. "So why are you here now, Mingyu? What do you want from me?"
He lifted his head, eyes wild with desperation, his gaze locking onto yours with a ferocity you’d never seen before. He stepped forward, closing the distance you’d tried to create.
"I want you," he said with such raw intensity that it left you breathless. "Not as a friend. Not as an arrangement. I want you because I’m in love with you, Y/n. And it took me losing you to realize it, but I know it now. I know it with every part of me."
Your breath hitched. The waves crashed louder in the distance, or maybe it was the thundering of your heart in your ears. You shook your head, backing away another step, but Mingyu followed.
"You’re just scared," he continued, his eyes never leaving yours. "You’re scared because I hurt you. I get it. I hurt you worse than anyone else ever has, and I’ll regret that for the rest of my life. But I’m here now, and I’m telling you I won’t hurt you again."
"Don’t promise me things you can’t keep, Mingyu," you said, your voice trembling with exhaustion and heartbreak. "I’m so tired of hearing people say they’ll stay, only for them to walk away."
"I’m not walking away," he said, his eyes glinting with determination. His voice didn’t rise, but it carried a conviction so strong that it made you pause. He took one slow, deliberate step forward, his gaze unwavering. "If you tell me to leave, I will. But if you tell me to stay, Y/n, I’ll never leave again. I swear it."
His words hung in the air between you, delicate but unbreakable.
Your breath trembled, your body taut like a wire pulled too tight. "And if you’re lying?"
"I’m not," he answered immediately, his gaze steady and sure. "But if I ever do, you won’t have to leave me, Y/n. I’ll walk away myself, knowing I never deserved you in the first place."
Silence. Long, heavy, unbearable silence.
The waves filled it. The seagulls in the distance filled it. But you didn’t speak.
He stood there, waiting, holding himself still like he was afraid that any sudden movement might scare you away. His chest rose and fell slowly, his breath measured, but his eyes... his eyes didn’t waver once.
"I hate you," you said softly, but your voice cracked in a way that betrayed you.
Mingyu exhaled a small, almost broken laugh. "I know."
"I hate how easy it is for you to say these things now," you continued, your lips trembling, tears brimming once more. "I hate how much I want to believe you."
"Then believe me," he said, stepping closer, his hand reaching out to take yours. He held it gently, like he was holding something fragile and precious. His eyes searched yours, soft but certain. "Believe me, and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving you made the right choice."
You stared at him, his words sinking in, the sincerity of it wrapping around your heart like a thread you couldn’t untangle. It terrified you how much you wanted to believe him.
"Mingyu," you whispered, his name a breath, a plea, a warning all in one.
"I’m here," he replied, his eyes never leaving yours. "I’m right here."
The tears you’d been holding back finally spilled over, and you hated him for that too. Why did he always make you cry? Your fingers gripped his shirt, your forehead pressing against his chest as the weight of everything came crashing down.
"You better not be lying," you mumbled into his shirt, your voice muffled but not lost. "If you are, I’ll never forgive you."
Mingyu’s arms wrapped around you, pulling you in with a tenderness that shattered every wall you’d built. He pressed his lips to the top of your head, lingering there for a moment longer than necessary.
"I’m not lying," he whispered, his voice steady as the waves beyond you both. "I’m never lying to you again."
And for the first time in a long time, you let yourself believe him.
*
"Cut!"
The director’s voice echoed through the set, and the entire crew let out a collective sigh of relief. Mingyu watched from the sidelines, his gaze fixed on you. His lips tugged into a small, proud smile as he saw you beam at everyone, bowing politely and thanking each crew member for their hard work. Your energy was infectious, even after a long day of filming.
"That’s a wrap, everyone!" Boo Seungkwan, the ever-lively director, announced with his trademark enthusiasm.
Mingyu stepped forward, his presence as commanding as ever in his sleek suit. Seungkwan spotted him and grinned, walking over with open arms. They exchanged a firm handshake, the weight of trust and friendship clear in the gesture.
"This movie better be a hit," Mingyu joked, his deep voice laced with playful seriousness.
Seungkwan snorted, rolling his eyes. "With your investment? It better be. I’m not about to ruin my spotless reputation."
"You should be grateful," Mingyu shot back, raising an eyebrow. "I let you use my name and my wife's name for this movie. And I even let her make a cameo appearance." His grin widened with mock arrogance, and Seungkwan waved him off like he’d heard it all before.
"Yes, yes, thank you, Mr. Investor," Seungkwan quipped, tilting his head in a sarcastic bow. "I’ll be sure to write that in the credits — 'With gracious permission from Kim Mingyu, the benevolent.' How’s that sound?"
Mingyu's laugh came from deep in his chest, sharp and rich with amusement. "Don’t forget to add 'world’s most handsome husband' in there too," he added, eyes flicking toward you as you approached.
Seungkwan's gaze followed Mingyu's line of sight, and his face lit up as he noticed you walking toward them. Your smile was bright, your strides light and confident, even as exhaustion clung to the edges of your movements.
"Amazing," Seungkwan muttered under his breath, his grin turning sly as he watched Mingyu’s entire demeanor soften.
“Thank you so much for letting me be part of this movie, Director Boo,” you greeted Seungkwan warmly. Your voice was light, your eyes crinkling with genuine gratitude.
“Trust me, I wish I could’ve had you in more scenes,” Seungkwan replied, shooting a teasing look at Mingyu. “But this man refused to let me put you in for more than two.”
Mingyu, as if on cue, jabbed at Seungkwan’s side, but Seungkwan dodged with the agility of someone who had been friends with Mingyu for far too long.
"Don’t listen to him," you said, letting out a soft, melodic laugh. Your hand rested lightly on Mingyu’s arm, grounding him in a way only you could. "I would’ve been happy with more scenes. Honestly, I would’ve loved to do more if you'd asked."
Seungkwan’s eyes widened with dramatic flair as he whipped around to face Mingyu. "See? See? Your wife doesn’t mind. She’s a professional, unlike some people I know."
Mingyu shook his head, his lips quirking into a grin that didn’t quite hide his possessiveness. "Nope. Absolutely not. I’m the one who minds," he declared, his eyes darting to you like he was staking a claim. "My wife is pregnant, and she needs to rest. No long shoots, no late nights, no unnecessary stress."
You shot him a playful glare, pinching his side just hard enough to make him flinch. “My husband is a bit noisy, isn’t he?” you said, glancing at Seungkwan like you were seeking solidarity.
Seungkwan raised both hands in surrender, his smile wide with amusement. “Don’t look at me. I’m not about to go against Mr. Handsome Husband, World’s Best Protector.” He snickered, his eyes darting between you and Mingyu. "But if it were up to me, you’d be in every scene."
Mingyu pulled you close by the waist, his hand resting protectively on your lower back, his thumb rubbing soft, absentminded circles. He leaned in, his eyes filled with that familiar mix of pride and adoration he could never seem to hide.
“It’s not up to you, Seungkwan,” he muttered, his gaze never leaving you. “We’ll be taking our leave now, Director Boo. My wife needs to rest.”
His words were simple, but the affection in his tone made your cheeks warm. You glanced at him, your eyes softening, and this time, you didn’t fight him on it.
“Take care, Director,” you said with a small bow. Seungkwan waved you off with a knowing grin, watching the two of you walk away.
“Yeah, yeah, go be all in love or whatever,” he called out, unable to hide the affection in his teasing.
As you walked side by side with Mingyu, his hand firm and steady on your back, you glanced up at him with a small smile.
“Possessive much?” you teased quietly, nudging him with your elbow.
“Protective,” he corrected, glancing down at you with that look that always made your heart stumble. His eyes softened as they lingered on you, his voice quieter now. "I’m protecting what’s mine."
You rolled your eyes, but your fingers intertwined with his, and you squeezed his hand just a little tighter.
“Okay, Mr. Handsome Husband, World’s Best Protector,” you murmured, leaning your head against his arm as the two of you walked off into the evening light.
*
Seungkwan sat with the entire cast during the promotional interview for his highly anticipated movie. The host was lively and charismatic, effortlessly guiding the conversation while bringing out the natural chemistry between the cast. Laughter filled the room, and the atmosphere was warm and relaxed.
“Director Boo,” the host began with a playful grin, leaning forward with curiosity. “You mentioned that this movie was inspired by your friend’s story, right? Care to spill a little tea on that?”
Laughter erupted from the cast and audience. Seungkwan’s eyes widened, and he waved his hands frantically as if to push away the implication. His cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but he quickly composed himself.
“Ah, I don’t want anyone to misunderstand,” Seungkwan said, half-laughing, half-sighing. “It’s not like that. I drew inspiration from a lot of places — life experiences, stories I’ve heard, observations. But,” he paused, his grin turning sly, “I’ll admit, my favorite actress, Ji Y/n, agreed to make a cameo, and we did use her name and her husband’s name for the characters.”
“Oho!” the host gasped, eyes lighting up with excitement. “Using your friend’s actual names? Sounds very intentional, Director Boo!”
More laughter followed, with some of the cast members playfully nudging Seungkwan as if to expose him further.
“Look, look, look,” Seungkwan chuckled, his hands raised in surrender. “It’s not like their relationship is exactly like the one in the movie. It’s totally the opposite, I promise!” His gaze flickered to the camera, as if directly addressing the viewers. “They’re an amazing couple, honestly. The kind of couple that makes you believe in love again.”
The host’s eyes narrowed with mock suspicion, leaning forward like he’d just uncovered a scandal. “So you’re telling me that you just so happened to name the characters after them and just so happened to cast her as a cameo?”
The audience howled with laughter, and Seungkwan pressed his palms together in a mock plea for mercy. “I’m innocent, I swear! I’m just a man trying to tell a good story!”
"Glad he didn’t mention that the 35 billion won contract was actually true," you muttered, eyes glued to the television as the interview played. Your three-month-old daughter, Sera, lay in your arms, breastfeeding peacefully. Her tiny fingers occasionally curled and uncurled against your skin.
Mingyu let out a long, exasperated sigh from beside you. "I should’ve read the script myself before signing that deal," he groaned, rubbing his face in frustration. "I didn’t think Seungkwan would actually bring up the contract."
"Why? Feeling a little exposed now?" you teased, shooting him a sly grin. "Starting to see what an asshole you were back then?"
His gasp was immediate, his eyes wide with faux horror. "Language, woman!" he said dramatically, reaching over to cover baby Sera’s tiny ears. "She can hear you, you know."
You rolled your eyes but couldn’t hold back a soft laugh. Gently, you lifted Sera from your chest and placed her carefully in her crib. Her lips puckered in her sleep, and her little body shifted slightly before settling back into slumber. You watched her for a moment longer, letting that familiar warmth fill your chest.
With Sera safe and sound, you made your way back to Mingyu, plopping down beside him on the couch. Your head found a home against his shoulder, your hand resting on his chest, fingers tracing slow, lazy circles.
“It’s true, though,” he muttered, staring at the ceiling as if reliving the memory. “Everyone thought I was gay, and somehow, my genius solution was to get a contractual girlfriend.” He shook his head at his younger self, clearly unimpressed.
"But you have to admit," you murmured, your voice low and teasing, "I was way too gorgeous to pass up, huh?"
Mingyu glanced down at you, his eyes softening with that look he reserved only for you. A slow, crooked smile spread across his face, and he let out a quiet chuckle, the deep rumble of it vibrating through his chest.
"You are," he said simply, his hand coming up to rest on top of yours. "The most gorgeous mistake I ever made… and the only one I’d make again."
His words were so sincere, so steady, that it made your heart squeeze in your chest. You tilted your head up, catching his gaze, and for a moment, neither of you spoke. It was one of those rare silences where everything was already understood.
"Smooth talker," you whispered, lips curling into a smile as you leaned up to kiss him softly.
"Only for you," he replied, his voice a little quieter now, his eyes still locked on you like you were the only person in the world.
And in moments like this — with your baby girl sleeping soundly nearby and the man who once made the worst mistake of his life now holding you like you were his greatest treasure — you believed it.
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marsmaximoff · 3 days ago
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🏛️ emperor caracalla ; headcanons ⋆₊𐕣˚𖤐 ݁。☽
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content warning: fem!reader. mentions of blood, killing and sickness, cheating, possessiveness, toxicity. idk if there’s anything else.
word count: 0.7k
author’s note: first time writing headcanons, so constructive criticism is welcomed. and english is my third language so please bear with me. i apologize for any mistake 🙏🏻 also, i’m unlocking a new obsession, so i needed to write for caracalla asap. i’m gonna write for other fred characters too because that man has me down bad. that’s it! enjoyyy! <3
emperor caracalla is a menace with an insane duality and you know that better than anyone
we have 1) mad ruler with an insatiable thirst for blood
you ALWAYS go to the games
he demands wants you there with him
(not like you have much choice being married to him)
but still, he loves to know you’re there. mostly because he actually enjoys sharing his passion and spending time with you. buuut, also because he REALLY likes to show you off. (you love seeing him all giggly clapping and yelling tho)
and let me tell you, he takes every opportunity to do so. to remind everyone that you’re his. and to brag in front of his pretty much unmarried brother.
i’m talking hand rubbing your thigh when sitting by his side (he does it absentmindedly, it’s genuinely cute), arm around your waist during feasts, sitting on his lap when watching combats, theatre or any sort of entertainment and a ton of PDA.
both of them are possessive, but he is more subtle, not as straightforward
regarding Geta, you two have an… odd relationship. he’s thankful there’s someone else to deal with his brother’s madness. but he’s suspicious of your intentions. tho jealous.
some would even say not only of the marriage itself…
caracalla knows, and absolutely feeds on it. he finally has something that belongs to him and only him
god forbid someone doesn’t get it
Dondus has grown to adore you. you’re like his other parent -he’s adopted you as such.
squeaks at you and happily climbs your arm to rest on your shoulder
loves using your braids as little ladders
and snuggling against your neck too
he’s just so cute can u tell i love him :3
anyways
and 2) sappy child
he follows you around like a puppy
you hate it when he gets overwhelmed, he tends to hide and isolate himself
you end up acting like his mother
gets insecure of his real face and keeps it from you
needs a lot of reassurance
the guards always look for you when he has an outburst
your touch and presence are the only things that ground him
LOVES LOVES LOVES cuddling
clings to you like he needs you to breathe
good luck waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom 💀
play with his hair and he’s GONE
big on pet names
to you is always “my love” “my dear” “my darling” “my wife” “my empress”
emphasis on the “my”
everything’s fine with him but “sweet boy” makes him melt
and obviously “my emperor” cause it makes him feel powerful
and compliments too
spoils and pampers the shit out of you
jewels, clothes, animals, entertainers, you name it
absolutely whipped
loves kissing
now, it can’t all be a fairytale 😞
sometimes you feel like he loves Dondus more than you
and it seems that some men being forced to kill each other brings him more happiness than you ever could
he can switch from sad to angry in a matter of seconds and sometimes his sudden change of tone and expressions startles you
🚩 🚩🚩
being married to a sick man is hard
many palace servants and guards feel bad for you
paranoid
thinks you don’t love him anymore and are going to leave him quite often
obsessive
if you say something that feels ‘off’ to him get ready for an intense interrogation
possessive and extremely jealous
cause why the fuck where you laughing with some random man?
he’d threaten to kill him and would probably get rough with you
hates other people touching you
gets violent
has hurt you before during one of his fits
regrets it afterwards but has a hard time apologizing
would probably be unfaithful. i know, i hate it too 🥲
over all i think he wouldn’t be that bad of a husband, like it could be way worse
and i say he could genuinely love you, it just wouldn’t be the healthiest of loves
but you can try to fix him girl ✨✨
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manicmanuscription · 11 hours ago
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Matching PJ's
Azriel x Reader
Summary: You and Azriel get matching PJ's for Solstice
Word Count: 1137
Warnings: Intense makeout session, fluff, Azriel being obsessed and possessive.
─── ♡ ───
The River House was abuzz with excitement, wine flowing just as freely as the conversation. Wrapping paper littered the floor as it finally came time to open present’s and you snuggled into Azriel’s chest leaning further into him as you sat on his lap and his arm wrapped possessively around your waist. Ever since you two mated you introduced a new tradition to the family from Winter Court where you were from. 
After dinner everyone opened up Solstice PJ’s. Each couple of the inner circle picking out matching ones for a different mated pair. Cassian and Nesta just showed off their glittery gold pajamas that looked more like lingerie than actual sleeping wear, Cassian giving off a final spin as everyone cheered and Nesta just rolled her eyes at his antics. Mor clapping the loudest at her choice of clothing for the couple.
“Thank you, Thank you.” He boasted before finally settling on one of the couches pulling his mate with him. “Alright! Y/N and Azriel’s turn.” Cassian grinned wildly. “Don’t worry guys, we picked some really good ones for you.” He said with a wink and you rolled your eyes at him, you’ve had some pretty awful and some pretty amazing pj’s ever since introducing this fun little game.
Cassian was determined to find something that would embarrass Azriel the few times he drew your names from the bowl. You stood up from your seat, catching the wrapped bundle from Nesta before making your way to the bathroom, Azriel following close behind you. 
“Nothing can be worse than what they got Feyre and Rhys last year.” Azriel reminded you as you ripped open the gift, you chuckled at the memory of the neon green pj’s that came with sewn in lights the couple had been forced to wear all night. “I wouldn’t underestimate Cassian.” You respond and Azriel hummed in agreement. 
You both made quick work of shedding your clothes. Azriel’s eyes tracking every movement you made and when you were nothing but in your undergarments he couldn’t stop himself from pressing you up against the bathroom counter kissing you deeply as his hands settled on your waist, slowly moving down to your thighs with each slide of his tongue against yours.
You slowly forgot about the people waiting for you and whimpered softly against his mouth, tugging at the strands of his hair and he groaned, pressing his hips against yours. 
Azriel lifted you up and set you on top of the counter, sliding in between your thighs and titled your head back with a slight tug of your hair so he could gain further control of the kiss. You let out another moan and tried to grip the counter behind you for support. 
The sound of the soap dispenser falling into the sink brought you back down to earth and you pulled away from him. “You’re naughty, Spymaster.” You reprimanded, his eyes still glazed over with lust as he smirked. “Can’t help it.” Azriel breathed out slowly, his hands still settled on your waist.
You blushed embarrassed you almost let him fuck you while his family was still a few halls down. Azriel couldn’t help the male pride at your flushed cheeks and he nipped at your earlobes. You giggled and squirmed, finally pulling away from him and sliding off the counter. “You need to stop that!” You exclaimed, fighting a smile off. “Your family is just in the other room.”
Azriel made a show of putting his hands behind his back, and taking a mini step away from you. His eyes scanned over your body before you hid the magnificent sight away, sliding up the fuzzy plaid pants Nesta and Cassian bought for you. 
Once you were fully dressed Azriel had an even harder time taking his eyes off of you. He didn’t know what his brother was thinking when he bought the matching black and red set but he was going to kill him.
You both had matching black and red pants, it hung low on his hips and he didn’t miss the way your eyes trailed down his V-line or his muscular arms as he slid the tight red shirt on. He was surprised at how mellow the set was until he saw your tank top. It was a crop top with lacy trailing the hem and the straps crisscrossed in the back, not only was it tight but it had an extremely low cut on the front.
It accented your assets perfectly and the little tease of your pierced belly button had his cock straining in his pants. You grabbed your clothes and Azriel’s, magicking them away to your house and turned to face him noticing the dark expression in his eyes. 
You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face and gave him a little spin. “You like?” You asked cheekily and Azriel let out a pained sound. “You’re going to kill me.” He whispered, stepping close to you and pulling you into him as he kissed you even more passionately than before.
His grip tightened and his touch grew more demanding as he slowly walked you into the wall, his kiss left you breathless and his lips moved to your neck and then eventually your shoulder. “Azriel we have to go-“ You started but he cut you off with a growl and a firm kiss, demanding control as he let himself explore your mouth as if he had never tasted you before.
You went limp in his arms moaning embarrassedly loud. Azriel hiked one of your legs over your waist and soon a loud demanding knock echoed through the bathroom. 
“Come on! Your five minutes are up, we don't need a repeat of Cassian and Nesta from last year!” Morrigan yelled loudly. Azriel ignored her kissing you even deeper and holding you even tighter while she kept loudly knocking. Finally you found the strength to pull away. “Azriel.” You warned and he let out a groan of frustration but pulled away, setting you back down on the floor and brushing your hair with his fingers as you tried to make yourself look presentable. Before you left the bathroom Azriel gave you a look that promised he wasn’t done with you and you gave him a kiss on the cheek conveying your excitement. 
Finally you opened the door and Mor gave you a knowing smirk before the three of you headed back to the living room. Whoops and cheers erupted as you made your debut and Cassian let out a long wolf-whistle at the sight of you.
“Looking nice Y/N.” Nesta smirked and Azriel cut down everyone’s excitement shortly, pulling you into his lap and shadows hid most of you from view, his hands gripping your waist with an intensity that you loved. 
“You’re a dead male Cassian.”
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diorcities · 13 hours ago
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⠀   ── ★ ˚˳ ⊹ ✉️ ⁺ things you leave at their place.
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someone on x mentioned about jaemin being obsessed with miffy all of a sudden and now i have to write about it cause we both think it's not his but his gf's 😭
next: things they leave at your place.
jaemin: stuffed animals. you were a little embarrassed to admit that you couldn't sleep comfortably because of that, but jaemin knew you; he'd visited your apartment before, of course, he's familiar with your habit; he knows what's your favorite of them all. it sleeps between you two, but sometimes you forget it at your place, so little by little his bed began to fill up with stuffed animals that he complacently buys for you, that somehow gives him company when you're away from him.
haechan: dried flowers. he's partially the reason why all the books that are not his in his apartment have petals pressed between the pages. of course, you like flowers, but what you like most is to preserve them 'cause they mean that much to you. he likes to borrow some of your books from your place, but sometimes you forget half of them have flowers still in there so every time he tries to read he finds them between the pages.
jeno: plants. his apartment slowly transform into your mini flower sanctuary because —silly you, you keep buying plants even when you don't have room for one more. you often bring them to his place claiming they need a new home; jeno's apartment apparently has greater sunlight than yours, but why does jeno feel warmer when he visits you? because it feels familiar? maybe it's because he likes you a little. or just like your flowers, he likes you a lot.
chenle: things to knit. every time his friends go to his apartment he must make up the story that he's started knitting thanks to you and your habit of leaving your knitting things in his place. telling the truth would be easier if it weren't for the fact that chenle doesn't even know what to say because, of course, friends sometimes forget things in each other's apartment all the time, but your things always tend to be forgotten in his room.
mark: perfumes. he's a sucker. he spends his time trying to smell more when the scent of your perfume dances in the air or stays impregnated on his clothes when you greet him. so much so that when you forget them on his place, he perfumes the corners of his apartment, as if he could invoke you with it. thinking that if he puts perfume on the pillows, maybe you are the one who leaves your scent when you stay overnight.
jisung: lipstick. your favorite lipsticks had started to become scarce until you discovered that they weren't lost but somehow found again at jisung's place. once you found one in the bathroom, you thought you had forgotten it when you ended up in his apartment after an outing with friends, but then, then he lent you his jacket and there was another one there. and when he kissed you, and kissed you, and kissed you, and you woke up the next day in his room, you weren't so surprised anymore that there was one right next to his bed, on the bedside table.
renjun: shoes. it's not so rare. you arrive at your mutual friends' room, take off your shoes and after laughing and drinking, you end up with someone else's because you can't find yours. and then, later, after months, it starts to be a habit. you both have the same style, although he must admit that he likes yours better. and you probably think he's clueless for taking yours, when in reality he's always waiting for you to pick them up at his apartment.
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littlemissclandestine · 3 days ago
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ASK: ahhh i’m obsessed w ur adler headcanons!! pretty pretty plsss could we have more soft!adler headcanons? or maybe a few headcanons for how adler might react to realising he’s slowly falling for bell!reader before they discover the brainwash twist?? 🥺👉👈 either way just wanna express my appreciation for how you characterise him!! <3
Author's Note: Tehe back at it idk. This was an ask I got months ago but just had incredibly bad writer's and art block. Trying to get those creative juices flowing again! Thank you so much for the ask and the kind comments anon. I really really appreciate it. Hope you enjoy! <3 (your ask disappeared after i put it into Tumblr drafts??)
More Soft!Adler Headcanons:
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In the morning before work, Russell wakes up a little earlier than you to spend some more time on his appearance. You see him shaving his few day old stubble and decide to help him out, taking the razor. He’d study your facial expression as you concentrate on going round each jagged edge of his scar, making sure to not cut him. His blue eyes tracing every little mark on your face, absolutely in awe of how beautiful you are even when you furrow your brows and he’d gently push a strand or two of hair out the way that had fallen over your eye. As you rinse the blade under the tap, he’d grab your chin and peck your lips, getting the taste of shaving foam in your mouth and you two would laugh about it.
I can imagine in Winter, Russell and his s/o ordering hot chocolate with some cream on top/coffee, walking and talking. When he notices your cream/foam moustache, he chuckles to himself but you pay it no mind, thinking it was his response to something you said. But he chuckles again and you question him. -> “Oh uh nothing. You just uh…got a little um...hold on.” He’d lean in and lick your lips before planting a kiss on them and leaning back to look at you with a smile, leaving you dumbfounded.
Witty jokes and comments that make you think how the hell did he come up with that one are definitely on the menu. Russell will sometimes randomly just burst into Russian or German mode and will try and teach you some words and jokes too. Mostly the swear words because everybody wants to know the swear words 
Adler and his fellow operatives were chatting one day in public with their gear on as they were on their way back to a hotel for the night before their early morning flight but the sight of kids running up to him caught his eye. They asked him questions, the usual ones, the story behind the scar and what he does for a living. At first, he wasn’t exactly the warmest towards them but when one of the kids begged him to pick them up, he grumbled and gave in, watching them just take his sunglasses and the other asking if they could touch the scar, earning a smile from him. Him an his group sat down and spent some time kicking a ball around and taking the time out for the children before they had to head back. Adler gave them all fistbumps and bent down to plant a cap on one of their heads with a wink and a side smile -> “Keep it. I don’t need it, kid.”
Slowly falling for Bell!Reader Headcanons: Part 1
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Russell Adler didn’t think it was possible to be honest. Him falling for another person. Always thought of himself as a lone wolf after his divorce. Never took any interest in dates or anything because he simply didn’t have the time and partly due to a fear of being hurt again that he refused to acknowledge
Yet he found himself weirdly drawn to you. Maybe it was a sick and twisted fantasy of his, the visage of him being a human, cracking with every fleeting touch. The true monster in him seeping out, revealing his true colours
When he picked you up and out of the SUV in Trabzon, he felt nothing. Perhaps some sense of accomplishment as he was one step closer to locating the man he’d been chasing for 13 years but nothing more. As the initial interrogations continued in a secure location and your balaclava was yanked off by his own hands, a part of him knew he’d get attached when he saw you, in your rawest form  but he quickly pushed that thought away as fast as it appeared in his mind. But it’d creep up every now and then during the experimentation as he’d speak into the microphone and exhale the smoke through his nose as he stared at you through the glass, watching you carefully before dipping his head as he hears you let out a gut-wrenching scream and struggle in the chair, putting out his cigarette and calling it a day.
He’d catch a whiff of your perfume nearby to where he was working in the safehouse. The perfume on your wrists stayed behind on the desk after your leaned over to pass him something or rested your forearms on the desk. The subtle scent of your shampoo and body wash in the bathroom, lingering in the air. He’d inhale deeply and close his eyes, imagining you as his head resting on the back of his chair for a few moments before he stopped himself and his eyes snapped open, making sure nobody was nearby as if he was scared someone could read his thoughts.
A candle you’d left on for him as he worked late into the night once was never forgotten. Adler would relight it to remind himself of you when you were gone on a mission with the others, telling himself it’s just because it smells nice.
A Brick in the Wall: As Bell took photos of Kraus, Russell would glance over at her, watch you paying attention, adjusting the camera lens, sticking your tongue out as the camera shutter clicked and a small smile would creep onto his lips before he looked away and cleared his throat, giving you your next order. God, what was he thinking?
Some things however were just pure protective instinct. Like grabbing your forearm to pull you away from the railing as you stepped up onto to look over the edge of a balcony at night. He needed you alive for the mission of course, no other reason
 Or when he’d tuck his extra magazines into your ammo packs and make sure all your straps and harness were tight enough. Or even holding his arm out and across your chest when he had to hit the brakes hard while driving with a gentle you okay? after a few beats of silence
Or when he’d bought some food and you were out of it after an MK-Ultra session during the early days and he’d give you a little extra without a word to keep your strength up, looking into your eyes briefly as you cried but the guilt was creeping up on him and he’d leave before you sobbed. He’d close the door just as you burst into tears, his hand on the doorknob behind him and he’d sigh deeply, his eyes shut, trying to compose himself before walking off to find Park. They’re just a red. He’d remind himself constantly. But just a kid too…
Desperate Measures: As Belikov let the two of you in and you took out the guards and changed into their uniforms, he couldn’t help but sneak a few glances. Before you walked up the stairs, he stopped you and checked you over, head to toe, the expression on his face neutral but his mind was in overdrive. Russell took a step closer and his hands found the bottom of your skirt and tugged on it, pulling it down so it revealed less. A single nod and his lips a thin line before he turned and walked off. He refused to admit he didn’t want anyone looking at you the way he did.
He finds himself a little self conscious. This isn’t like him..since when was Russell motherfuckin’ Adler worried about the way he was perceived by a red of all people? Putting more aftershave on himself, a spray of cologne to mask the smell of cigarettes that had found its way into his clothing after years of the bad habit. A quick check in the mirror to adjust his outfit and hair before pushing the bridge of his sunglasses up and into place
Safe to say, you took him by surprise. He was of course impressed by your combat and cryptography skills as well as endurance during MK-Ultra, thinking it was such a shame you were on the wrong side. Began thinking of what-ifs…
After one particularly gruelling session, you were screaming and refusing to take the pills that Park was giving you to help you sleep, saying they made you want to vomit and the anti-sickness was not doing anything but Park explained that she couldn’t do much about it. Russell heard this from the other side of the door as he walked past your room late at night, telling Sims to source a different medicine he knew of. The next day, he entered your room as you wailed again, thrashing against your cot and he adminstered a dose, barely speaking to you before leaving again but as you clutched his hand, he rubbed his thumb across the back of your hand before letting go. Your touch overwhelmed him.
When he’d see you hang out and play poker or some board games with the others as he was filing reports and chasing up contacts, a tiny frown would form on his face, he’d start picking at the skin on his lips as he watched them or he’d look down and dust his pants off or fiddle with a pen, anything to distract himself from the green-eyed monster
If he heard you singing a song in the other room, he’d put it on for you in the car without a word spoken, you just staring at Adler as if to say how did you know that?
On one chilly night, you fell asleep in the dark room and Adler stood there in the doorway, looking at you, your breathing steady, face rid of anguish and you looked at peace in the red light. Slowly, he made his way over and draped his jacket round your shoulders, thinking to himself it’s just what any decent person would do. Can’t have his tool catching a cold now…
During stakeouts, Russell would start telling you random facts about himself he’s never told another person, saying to himself you’ll be gone soon anyways, that you were an outsider so that’s why it was easier to talk to you.
This feeling he had only seemed to grow with each mission. Instead of letting the others help you out when injured, he’d grip your shoulder as soon as they got in, steering you towards the nearest stool before anyone had a chance to say anything and command you to sit, treating you like the dog you are while he fetched the supplies.
As the weeks passed, he’d take you to your room and patch you up there, wanting some one-on-one time with you, making casual conversation, half to distract you from the pain and half to suppress the thoughts going round in his mind about being so close to losing you
He made you laugh once or twice and couldn’t stop thinking about it. It sounded even better than when Woods or the other crew members made you laugh and it made him smile to which you pointed out but he stood up and left shortly after, his standard, stoic expression returning to his face
Adler would stay up on a few occasions to make sure you slept, scanning your face as the pills began to take effect, his arms folded as he stood, looming over you, his finger scratching at his arm even though it wasn’t itchy. It was just unease which he consistently pushed down but he noticed he was getting more fidgety when it came to you. Almost like the guilt was eating him from the inside out. He’d take off his watch, place his cigs on the side and settle into a chair, telling himself it’s just for a few minutes but once he did stay the whole night, leaving before the others woke up. Nobody ever knew
If you ever asked about your time together as friends and during Vietnam when you’d having trouble remembering, he’d keep it short and sweet, but every now and then he’d make up something that was what he wished it would have been like. Nothing too out there.
During mission briefings, he’d find himself laying his attention on you the most as he talked, wanting to know you were really listening to him and secretly asking for your input too and once the others had returned to what they were doing before, he’d pull you to the side, asking you if you were okay with the plan and if there’s anything you need to go over. I mean, you were the main star of course so it makes sense but his hand would reach for your upper arm and then retract. Boundaries, Adler…
One thing that killed him though was the fact that you only ever grabbed him out of fear, during MK-Ultra when you didn’t want him to leave, when in agony from a gunshot wound, or just as you dropped off to sleep after he injected your when you were being disobedient. Couldn’t admit he wanted you to grab onto him in desperation as he- Get a grip, Adler! When did he start thinking of you like that?
After Cuba, he felt nothing. No sense of accomplishment yet as he was one step further away from locating the man he’d been chasing for 13 years but now he was two steps closer to saying goodbye to you for good…
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jetkast · 2 days ago
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Listen I know there have been approximately a billion posts about the Divorce but I had to add to the noise.
This conversation really is such a succinct breakup with so much to it. Jayce finally has his moment to say something to Viktor after not knowing if he may ever get the chance at all, only for it all to come out scrambled. I just know he was punching the air at 3am redoing this conversation over and over.
Meanwhile Viktor was acclimating to the sheer body horror of being alive after dying, his own form nearly completely unknown to him, with this "recursive charge" thrumming in his skull that drives him to the most destitute part of the city.
Jayce (ready to beg like his life depends on it): I have royally fucked up and I will be seeking atonement forever for it, please please please love me, don't leave, guilt guilt guilt I'll die from guilt and failure right here on the floor
And my favorite part: 👹 where are you going 👹
I have been obsessed with the delivery of this line because it is exactly the phrase and tone used towards someone you are painfully intimate with and experiencing a rupture (aka divorcing). The panic of 'I cannot let you leave' with 'I'll die' and 'you're not allowed' while also so emotional that all that comes out is a sad anger. Like I can't even capture it. It's about the ownership or entitlement. It's not just "why are you exiting this conversation, that's rude and this is important" but something darker and more pathetic. I DON'T KNOW I JUST RECOGNIZE IT and wanted to ramble about it. Perhaps oddly, it is actually this line (juxtaposed with "it was affection", I'm suffering so much) that locked in them as already being intimately involved for me, beyond friends or lab mates.
These two are just on two entirely different planes of existence in this scene and it's so LAYERED AND UUHHGGFJH this show is going to drive me into my own recursive whateverthefuck.
Jayce is flooding with too much everything, love, fear, desperation, anger, hope, dread, etc, and looking for someone to hold it with him. And Viktor is a husk. And yet, they miss each other, not balancing one another, because they might as well be talking to each other through the looking glass. IT'S JUUUUST AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH lmao
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treatbuckywkisses · 1 day ago
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Am I abt to catch up on a series............
Fourth upon a time 
The dislike for strange is so intriguing 
This story is not about Steve but I'm obsessed with how you wrote him even if it's only a little bit UGH
“Well, I don’t exactly have a degree in time travel,” you sigh, rubbing your temples. “I just do it.” - BYE I know bucky is FED up w this 
Ok the WHOLE science bit I'm literally IN AWE OF YOU what do you mean you just made this up what the fuck you are magic.
"He doesn’t, so you don’t. It shouldn’t hurt." - OUCH HOW CAN SOMETHING SO CASUAL HURT SO FUCKING MUCH YOU ARE EVIL
"There’s a beat where the two of you stare at each other before Bucky’s face goes blank of emotion." - I feel like I'm in the room rn and I'm burning
Ok so actually strange is kind of mean bro 😐 
All the emotion you write is so powerful I will never get over this ever 💓 
My brain is more empty today but I appreciate every part equally<3 
time after time [4]
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series summary: After what starts out as a fairly normal mission, you find yourself stuck in a time loop. Which would already be bad enough in itself if it didn’t also mean having to watch Bucky die over and over again.
pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader
word count: 9.2k
chapter warnings: description of a panic attack; this writer is still grappling with the events of endgame and the nature of time travel; underneath the banter, tensions are rising
please note that my blog is rated 18+. minors dni. ageless/empty blogs will be blocked without warning.
a/n: welcome back everyone. i missed you. 💚
series masterlist | main masterlist | read on ao3
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four: groundhog day
“She needs a thing.”
It was one of the rare evenings when Natasha and you weren’t the only ones at the Compound, so you’d ordered take-out and given yourselves the evening off. It felt nice, normal even, a dinner between friends that hadn’t seen each other in a while but comfortably fell back into their old rhythm. You weren’t the new girl anymore, but still new enough to this kind of life, and so it felt like a big deal when they included you like this. For better or worse.
“I don’t need a thing,” you said with a roll of your eyes.
Steve was getting better with his chopsticks, but he was still the last one eating. Rhodey, apparently, was bored out of his mind and tried taking it out on you.
“Of course you do,” he said, “we all have a thing!”
“Rhodey,” you replied sternly. “I don’t want a thing.”
“I don’t have a thing,” Natasha said.
“Oh, please,” you both said in unison.
“Do I have a thing?” Steve asked, grin still easy on his face.
“You have a vibranium shield,” Rhodey said, “that you throw like a boomerang.”
“What’s my thing?” Natasha demanded.
“Do you not notice yourself posing?” you asked, sliding your leg to the side. “It’s such a thing.”
“Had a shield,” Steve said. “And it was magnetic.”
“You’ve also grown like ten inches since the forties, man, is that not enough of a thing for you?”
“Fine, alright,” Steve conceded. “You good, Nat?”
“Of course.” The absent-minded smile vanished from her face, replaced by a wicked grin as she contemplated you. “How about a cape?”
You groaned. “I’m not going to wear a cape.”
“Why not? It’s classic!” Rhodey snorted.
“It’s showy. None of you have a cape!”
“Thor has a cape,” Steve said.
“Thor is literally a god, that’s different.”
“Doctor Strange had a cloak. That’s kind of like a cape. Time power people wear capes,” Rhodey added.
“I don’t want to be associated with Strange!”
It came out sharper than you intended. You all sat in silence for half a minute, busying yourselves with your drinks. You buried your head in your hands. Natasha blew on the rim of her bottle.
You wondered if you should just try and rewind the moment, but you weren’t sure if you had the energy for it. And you didn’t want this awkwardness to last any longer than it already did.
“You know,” Steve said after a while, “Vision wore a cape, too.”
“Oh my god,” you sighed. This was just happening, apparently.
“So did Loki, though,” Natasha pointed out.
“Have none of you seen The Incredibles?” you asked. “Capes are terrible!”
“That’s a cartoon movie, Y/N,” Rhodey said. “That’s nothing like real life.”
“Is that one for the list?” Steve asked.
“You can shoot lasers out of your hands, you’re telling me the danger of getting sucked into a void is more unrealistic than that?” You stole one of the spring rolls off Steve’s plate. “It’s definitely one for the list.”
“If you’re getting sucked into a void, I doubt whether or not you were wearing a cape at the time would make much of a difference,” Rhodey snorted, taking another sip of his drink.
“And you could use it as a weapon,” Natasha added. “If it’s the right material.”
“Like an armor made of fabric,” Steve nodded, pocketing his notebook again. “I’ve heard of that.”
“I was thinking she could strangle someone with it, but sure, armor works, too,” Natasha shrugged. You laughed at Steve’s confoundedly impressed face. “Anyway,” she continued, still contemplating you, “I’ve got an idea you might like.”
“I’m not going to wear a cape,” you said again, but Natasha wasn’t listening to you anymore, turning her attention towards Rhodey again instead.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for the night?”
“Nah,” he said with a fond smile. “I gotta be in D.C. early tomorrow. In fact, I should probably head out.”
“Already?” Steve said, one of his arms draped comfortably around the back of Natasha’s chair.
“I thought we were doing poker night,” you agreed. Despite his ribbing, you didn’t want Rhodey to leave yet. You still craved this sense of normalcy that came when people hung out with each other, just because they could.
Just because they wanted to.
“Again,” Rhodey said, stretching his legs before getting up, “I’m not playing cards against you lousy cheats anymore.” He pointed at you and Natasha.
“We would never cheat,” you protested in fake outrage.
“We’re far too talented for that,” Natasha agreed, winking at you.
“Lousy. Cheats.” You weren’t as stiff anymore as he hugged you goodbye, even squeezed back a little. “Call me about your next meeting.”
Steve nodded. “Fly safely, alright?”
“I’ll walk you out,” Natasha said, pushing her chair back so abruptly Steve almost lost his balance.
There was an unease to her steps that became more noticeable on the evenings she took Rhodey aside, and you watched them leave with a slight frown. Considering how effortlessly she’d been teasing your deepest worries out of you over the past months, you couldn’t shake the feeling that her own walls wouldn’t come down so soon.
“Wanna play me for the last one?” Steve interrupted your thoughts, nodding towards the lonely leftover spring roll.
Your stomach grumbled in appreciation as you reached for the deck of cards already placed next to the empty food containers. “You’re not scared I’m gonna scam you, then?”
“I’m not hungry anymore,” he shrugged. “Besides, you have a tell.”
“I do?” And here you thought you’d stopped sweating. "What’s my tell?"
"You don’t like lying."
Your fingers halted for just a fraction of a moment as you were shuffling the cards and you frowned. "That so?"
"Don’t get me wrong, you’re good at pretend." Steve gently took the deck out of your hands. "But when you feel bad about something, it’s like a neon sign above your head. You only need to know where to look."
He dealt the cards.
*****
The sign next to the door tells you it’s still, again, and endlessly happy hour. "Get two of your favorites for the price of one!" it says in Lucy’s beautiful handwriting next to a lovely drawing of two colorful plastic cups.
Inside, the air conditioning is on full blast and the smell of ground coffee is enough to make you sigh contentedly. The queue, as usual, is at least ten deep, so you have some time to watch the people around you while you wait.
You’re late today, and you can see the remnants of a spilled drink behind a little yellow triangle proclaiming "Caution! Wet floor". Apparently it’s busy enough today that no one’s had the time to clean up in the past hour. You still grimace as you step up to the counter.
"How’s it going, Luce?"
"Ask for a frappuccino and I will fucking murder you." Your colleague tugs a strand of hair back under her cap with a sigh. "I swear, if I see another child today, I’m gonna quit."
"That bad?" you ask with a sympathetic smile. Holidays always are, particularly at this store, since it’s only a hop and a fall from Grand Central. You still remember your last New Year’s Eve shift with a shudder.
"Please kill me," Lucy says dryly and then, like always, "Usual?"
"Please," you say, adding the rest of your order. "Love what you’ve done with your face, by the way!"
"Thank you," she says, proudly turning her head so you can admire the other side of her red-white-and-blue themed makeup. "No one’s said anything all morning, can you believe that?"
Yes. Yes, you can, because this is New York and also she tells you every day. "Shut up!"
"I know, right?" She leans forward on her elbows, cracking her back. "You working this weekend?"
The way things are looking, you’re never working again. "Not ’til Wednesday."
"Boo, lucky," she groans as you sign your receipt. "I should go down with my hours, too. I feel like I’m in every day. Hi, welcome to Starbucks, what can I get started for ya?"
Her code switch as she talks to the next customer in line has you shuffle forward to the bar, carefully stepping around the melting puddle of a drink on the floor with a slight hiss as you strain your side slightly too much. The wound is healing, but so, so slowly.
You scroll through your phone while you wait for your drinks to be ready, handing out straws to people and wordlessly pointing them to the restroom before they harass your stressed coworkers. This part of the day in the late morning is your quiet time, and the almost familiar crowd with their incredibly mundane needs is strangely soothing to your nerves in their predictability.
It almost makes you miss work. Almost.
Your name is called, but before you can step up to collect your order, a familiar figure swoops in in front of you. You roll your eyes.
"What are you doing here," you groan.
"I could ask you the same thing," Bucky says, keeping the paper tray just out of your reach with a stern look on his face. "I thought you were sleeping."
"I was. Now I’m getting coffee." You reach for the tray again to no avail, and the stretch doesn’t feel fun at all. Still, you send him another reprimanding glare. "Bucky, I’m slightly wounded, I haven’t lost the use of my arms."
"You were shot," he says sharply as you step back into the sweltering New York sun. "You shouldn’t even be standing up right now, let alone waltz around town."
"Oh, I forgot, the man from the forties has a medical degree. Are you going to prescribe me cocaine?" You won’t admit it, but it’s a struggle to keep up with his long strides. To your great annoyance, Bucky seems to notice and slows down.
"If I would, at least I’d make sure you’d never use it," he says dryly, not looking at you. "That mine?"
"One to the left," you say, crossing your arms and watching as he takes a swig of coffee. Another failure today, it seems. "And I wasn’t shot," you add, muttering, "I was shot at."
"And the living time machine has a PhD in English."
"I have a myriad of talents."
"Mazel tov." The elevator dings before you can add the attempt to kick a super soldier in the shin to your skillset. "Sam ordered pizza, but I assume you knew that already," Bucky says as the doors close.
You curse quietly. The thought of Italian food has started to make you sick to your stomach; one of the many tragedies of your current situation. Bucky grins.
"I take that as a yes."
You grab your own cup of coffee off the paper tray with a little too much vigor, cursing again.
"You alright?"
"Shut up." You take an angry gulp of coffee.
"Tell me," Bucky says, watching you with an unimpressed expression. "Have you always been this stubborn or did you pick that up from Steve?"
"Why," you say blankly, "did you get your being incredibly annoying from him, too?"
He rolls his eyes. "I wouldn’t have to be if you’d just sit down and stop moving around so much. It’s not hard."
"I’m fine." The elevator finally stops and you hobble outside with gritted teeth, deliberately not looking at Bucky. Only a few more steps.
"No, stop that," you hear a voice before you turn the corner. "You can’t have that. You’re—you’re lactose intolerant!"
Both of you halt and take a moment to assess the delivery guy next to your front door. A pile of pizza boxes is precariously balanced on his left arm while with his right hand he’s trying to constrain a furious white ball of fluff.
You blink.
He notices both of you staring at him and quickly straightens up. "Oh. Hi! Sorry. I got your pizza and, uhm, your cat? I think?"
Alpine meows angrily.
"He was scratching at your door trying to get in," the guy continues, watching with big eyes as Bucky pries the struggling cat from his leg.
"She," he says, looking back at you with a frown.
You consider the cat.
You put her outside yesterday. Right?
"Sorry," the delivery guy says miserably, catching you before you get lost in thought.
"It’s fine," you say, finally looking at him again, forcing a friendly grin onto your face. "Would you mind bringing these in?"
It’s a coincidence. Of course it is.
***
“So let me get this straight,” Sam says, again. “You’re stuck in a time loop.”
You nod.
“Like Groundhog Day,” you and Sam confirm.
“Or Doubled and Redoubled,” you and Bucky offer.
“What the hell’s that?” you and Sam ask.
“It’s a good story,” you and Bucky say.
“It isn’t, by the way,” you tell Bucky. “It’s depressing as hell.”
“Don’t ever do that again,” he says, a flicker of annoyance in his eye.
You slouch down in one of Alpine’s supposed spots with a deep sigh, ignoring the pain in your side. “And how would you know?”
Sam still looks somewhat unconvinced, despite your little presentation. Apparently, you introducing him to the poor unsuspecting delivery guy every day isn’t quite the same as showing him your blood-drenched hands first thing in the morning.
“And Bucky’s gonna die?” he asks, putting his half-eaten slice of pizza back into the box.
You close your eyes. “He is.”
“How?”
Shot. Stabbed. Crushed to death. Blown to pieces. Dead. Alive. Dead. Alive.
“Does it matter?” You twist your rings around and around, another endless circle. “But it’s connected to the loop, somehow. Just like my powers.”
“What about your powers?” Bucky asks, and you don’t need to look at him to know he’s frowning again. He’s frowning so much these days. Today.
Talking about your powers feels like admitting to all your deficiencies, but you suppose this is your purgatory. Over and over, until sometimes, you reach a new little fork in the road. The tiniest bit of change.
It’s all you can cling to.
“My powers are like a remote control, right? You can pause or speed things up, no problem. Rewinding is the tricky bit.”
You get up with only a slight wince and grab the green whiteboard marker from the table, drawing a straight line on the plexiglass board. Today, you’ve come prepared for this.
“People usually think time is linear, right?” you continue. “And it kind of is, but only in this direction.” You draw a little arrowhead on the left side of the line and then point at the other end. “This right here, that’s now. There’s a pretty clear path from now to any point in the past, based on what we did with the information we had at any given moment. But, every time we make a decision, it could also go another way, right? Like, for example, if I used the blue marker.”
You draw a second arrow in blue from where the green one points at, ending it slightly above that one. Sam raises a hand.
“Yes?”
“What difference does it make which color you use?”
“In this case, none,” you answer, changing your pen again. “But if I go back in time and, say, turn left instead of right somewhere or tell you where someone’s gonna hit you before they do, that does make a difference, because it influences your decision.”
The red line curves more upwards than the other two, its arrow pointing in a completely different direction.
“The trick,” you say, tapping it, “is in avoiding something like this for random events and staying as close to the original path as possible.”
“What about the other paths, though?” Sam asks. “Do they just disappear?”
“I don’t know,” you shrug, capping the pen. “They do for me. Normally, once I go back, I can’t return to the very first timeline again.”
Things are never the same when you’ve already lived through them once. Your knowledge of the outcome mars everything that comes before, whether you want that or not. That’s what makes this loop so different; because even though you know what’s going to happen, you’re still unable to prevent it.
And that never changes.
“So, essentially,” Bucky comments, “you’re switching realities every time you go back.”
You blink, considering it for a moment. “I mean, I guess so? I haven’t thought about it that way.”
“You haven’t thought about it that way?” Bucky says incredulously.
“Well, I don’t exactly have a degree in time travel,” you sigh, rubbing your temples. “I just do it.”
“That doesn’t mean you don’t think about it.”
“What does all of this have to do with you Bill Murray-ing through this day?” Sam interjects.
“Who’s Bill Murray?”
“No one,” you say sharply. “Right now, time is fucked. Today isn’t moving on, it got stuck on repeat. That’s why my powers don’t work, either, you can’t go anywhere if it’s just the same point in time over and over again. Just one timeline tied into a knot.”
Or a single reality, you suppose. Maybe Bucky has a point.
“So everything just resets each time Bucky dies?” Sam says.
“Just like in a video game,” you confirm, slowly lowering yourself back down.
“That makes me feel so much better,” Bucky says, watching you with another frown.
“A rigged one,” Sam says. “It shouldn’t be that easy.”
And there’s your fork.
Your heart is pounding as you ask, “What do you mean?”
Sam raises his eyebrows. “He’s got the serum, remember? It should be about impossible to kill Bucky in a normal fight, let alone do it over and over again when he knows it’s coming.”
“I heal fast, I’m not invincible,” Bucky counters.
“No, he’s right.” If it weren’t so terrible to go through over and over again, it’d be almost comical how easily Bucky’s been killed over these past few days. You’ve had to take a mental note to keep him away from scissors. With your wound rendering you essentially useless in the fight, it’s often over long before Sam flies ahead through the tunnels, your alarm drowning out the string of curses falling out of your mouth.
“I can’t tell you what happened,” you inevitably tell Sam each morning as he helps you retie your tourniquet because your bandages have vanished again overnight. “I promised Bucky.”
“Are you shooting each other now?” he always asks. “Because you’re not supposed to do that literally.”
“Maybe there’s something that’s messing with your powers as well as mine,” you say now, looking at Bucky again. He puts his cup down, swallowing heavily. What kind of maniac doesn’t like chocolate in his coffee, you wonder.
“Like what?” he says.
“Could be a number of things,” Bruce says when you ask him the same question half an hour later.
It’s nice to see his face, even though you can see the bookshelf on the wall behind him through the projection if you squint. He looks as rattled as he always does, but with that glee in his eye that he gets when he’s presented with a particularly difficult problem. It makes Torres watch him wearily through his own phone screen, propped up against the books on the conference table.
“The most likely one is some sort of substance that’s working to lessen the effects of the serum in your blood,” Bruce continues, addressing Bucky. “Did you ingest anything, breathe something in?”
Bucky looks at you.
“There’s this substance at the lab,” you say. “You don’t touch it, but it’s this weird sort of blue … shit.” You gesture vaguely as Sam snorts.
“That is the technical term, actually,” Bruce says. “Have you noticed any other physical changes? Insomnia, loss of strength, headaches?”
“No changes,” Bucky says. It’s not really an answer.
“That’s the thing, Bruce,” you remind him gently. “Nothing has been changing. It can’t.”
“Fascinating,” he says. “And how long did you say this has been going on for?”
You bite the inside of your cheek. You’ve started tallying up the days on your thigh, just out of sight from everyone, hidden by your clothes. You have to make sure you’re not losing any of them. It seems like it’d make them less significant, somehow.
“Too long,” Sam answers for you, putting his notepad down on the table. You can make out a lot of question marks.
Day twenty-four. It should be July 27th today, but you’re still three weeks behind.
“Right, apologies.” Bruce pushes his glasses up his nose, his nervous glance darting between Bucky and you. “I can ask around, but obviously I can’t tell you if this even does what you’re suspecting without getting a sample to my lab.”
“Actually, sir,” Torres speaks up. “There’s been rumors for a while now.”
Sam stops his pacing as Torres adjusts the angle of his phone while he’s walking.
“The first generation of Flag Smashers were all super soldiers themselves,” he continues. “Now, though, ULTIMATUM have been actively looking for a way to make super soldiers more human again. To level the playing field for everybody.”
One world, one people.
One dead body.
“Meaning what?” Sam asks, his arms still crossed.
“Meaning, according to my sources, they’re trying to develop a way to strip super people of their abilities.”
“That’d mean years of research, testing, a whole roster of scientists they’d have to recruit,” Bruce says doubtfully. “Even if they have the funding for that, they’d need a sample of the original serum or something similar enough to work with.”
Sam sits. The look he exchanges with Bucky tells you he has his suspicions about the latter.
“The super soldier serum was recreated before,” Torres shrugs, oblivious to their silent conversation. “I bet they’re still working with the data they collected back then. Also, these are just rumors at this point. If they’re true at all, they’re still in early stages.”
“Hypothetically,” you say to Bruce, “what would that look like?”
“It’s hard to predict the outcome of experiments like that,” he says. “It’s less than clear how an individual’s actual cells get altered. But my best guess is, they’d try to phase out any advancements one by one, to ensure they’re moving in the direction they want.”
“One by one,” you repeat. “Like, start with the fast healing, for example.”
“Exactly,” Bruce nods. “It’d still have to be administered somehow, though.”
“Eat anything weird lately, Buck?” Sam asks dryly.
“It’s not necessarily something you ate,” Bruce adds at Bucky’s stony expression. “It might also be intravenous, similar to the original serum.”
“What about skin contact?” you ask, a small puzzle piece finally fitting into place.
“Sure, that’s possible. But it’d have to be quite potent stuff.”
“It was.” At least if the stench is anything to go by. You turn to Bucky. “We collected a sample, and you put it in your pocket. It must have broken when the computers exploded, and when I started the loop …”
It was absorbed into it.
You don’t say it out loud. The look in Bucky’s eyes confuses you, because even though he seems to put it together at the same time as you, his expression turns strangely warm, almost careful. It’s such a stark contrast to his usual quiet demeanor that it takes you another moment or two to figure it out.
He looks at you as if you’re about to break.
You suppose he’s not far off, either, as you barely listen to Bruce and Torres saying their goodbyes to Sam and you’re left contemplating all the things you did wrong to end up here, now, again.
The list is endless.
“So what’s next?” Sam says, and you finally turn your head to look at the clock.
“You leave to give your speech,” you answer.
“I’m not gonna do the stupid speech.”
“Yes, you are,” you and Bucky say simultaneously, and you shrug at his scowl.
“Bucky and I need to do something, anyway,” you add.
Sam doesn’t like this any better today than any other day, but he still lets himself be convinced to get changed. You’ve been over this more than once, after all.
“What are we doing, then?” Bucky asks once it’s only the two of you.
You grimace slightly. “I need you to break me into the library.”
***
Before the loop, it’s been a while since you’ve been to any library. For the first time in a while, maybe all your life, you’ve enjoyed owning most of the books you read instead of lending them from somewhere.
So it still feels kind of like a novelty, setting foot into the Schwarzman Building. Even if it’s through the back entrance while the security guard is on his lunch break, enjoying a bit of sunshine on the steps outside.
It’d be so much easier if you had your powers, you think as you watch Bucky get through the locks you show him, more discretely than he probably has to. Stopping the flow of time has always come easiest to you, and in situations like this one, it was your most useful asset. You would have simply halted time and slipped past opened doors while everything waited for you to will it forward again.
Instead, you wait for Bucky.
The routine of it all is calming by now, in a way, his tongue poking his cheek in concentration, the only sound either of you makes the quiet clicks of keyboards and doors and locks until you can finally enter the reading hall through a small, unassuming stairwell leading up to the third floor. He seems to get a little quicker at it every day, as if his body retained some form of muscle memory from the countless redos as well.
The last door opens.
It’s not quite as impressive as entering through the marble-tiled entrance hall on Fifth, you suppose, but when the smell of pages and dust hits you again as you ascend the stairs, you can’t help but release a small, content sigh.
You’ve not been to the Main Branch often, and not in a while, but usually when you’d peruse the countless rows of books, there’d be groups of children and tourists dotted between the densely packed shelves, the reading tables filled with overcaffeinated students and academics and librarians and the usual array of curious caricatures omnipresent in any library. It’d been quiet, sticky, lively, like a school library during finals week, and you didn’t hate it but it wasn’t quite like this.
It’s blissfully quiet.
Every step you take creaks softly as if you’re about to break through the wooden floorboards. Your pace only stays determined until you reach the main reading room, because you can’t help but stop in a spot of sunshine and close your eyes to breathe it in, this peaceful stillness of life and the wonderful, familiar smell of books. Just for a second.
When you open them again, Bucky is staring at you.
“I haven’t been in here since 1936,” he told you five days ago.
“Hasn’t changed a bit, I bet,” you said.
The way he tilted his head seemed so precious. Like he was walking through his memories right in front of you. “Well, I definitely remember the gift shop. And the computers.”
“We need to go downstairs,” you say now, shaking your head to resettle yourself in the never-ending present.
“What are we looking for, exactly?” Bucky asks, following you with his hands still in his pockets.
“Anything we can find on the astral plane. Which, sadly, isn’t a whole bunch.”
You can’t risk using the internal searching system on the library computers when you’re not even supposed to be in here, not unless you want to waste another afternoon getting caught, so the search to find even the right section has been quite tedious. There’s been a lot of running around in circles.
“Why?”
You just assume he’s not wondering why there’s not a lot of publicly available grimoires on magic shit. “Because Strange is an evasive asshole.”
There’s still no sign of life from anyone at Bleecker Street, or any of the Sanctums for that matter. Since no jet or plane would make it to Kamar-Taj in what limited hours you have, it seems the only way to reach Strange is in trying to get back to the astral dimension.
And figuring that out is a bitch.
“Weird," Bucky says, "that you two shouldn’t get along.”
“Fuck you, Barnes,” you snort.
You watch him stride away through the aisles with a small grin, appearing aimless, before he invariably stops in front of the same shelf. With a shake of your head, you continue walking.
"What is it with you and Voltaire," you murmur, not intending for him to hear.
"What’s wrong with Voltaire?" he still replies.
"Nothing," you say, looking down the next aisle over. "Dense, is all."
"We used to have this at home," Bucky says, pulling the volume off the shelf. "I remember my ma tryin’ to get through it, but with the four of us, she never managed."
You turn back towards him, surprised he’s offering you this glimpse into his past. "I didn’t know you had siblings."
It’s a half-truth. He brings up Rebecca rarely enough, but the fact that there used to be even more Barnes children is news to you. You’re almost shocked he’s mentioning it at all. Maybe it’s a mistake.
"Yeah." Bucky’s gaze is still absent, the memories clinging to him like fog. It makes you want to wipe them away gently.
You turn down the aisle sharply, not waiting for him to follow as you push through a door.
The upstairs library is already huge, but it’s nothing compared to the countless rows of stacks hidden downstairs and underground. It’s taken you almost two days to gain some semblance of orientation in this maze, and it takes you almost five minutes to find the shelf you were looking at yesterday. It doesn’t help your confusion in the slightest that the books seem to be mostly organized by size instead of topic.
With a sigh, you carry another stack of volumes to one of the reading tables. The additional trouble with doing research on a single day with everything constantly resetting while you’re running out of time is that there’s really no good way for you to take notes. You only have so much real estate on your own skin that you can comfortably reach in a public space, and there’s a spot right below your elbow that you keep empty.
You’ve been combing through all kinds of books on mysticism, but most of it has been a bunch of baloney and esoteric nonsense. While the theory of an astral plane is already hard enough for you to grasp, the practical step-by-step guide to getting there is either decidedly under-researched or they’re deliberately keeping it from you.
You’re about to put another book to the side after it tells you to meditate when you can hear Bucky approaching from the stacks behind you.
"Any luck yet?"
"Depends," you sigh. "Are you ready to take the next step in redefining your relationship with Jesus? Because, boy, do I have the almanac for you."
"I’m good," he says, and there’s the slightest hint of amusement in his voice. You bury your head in your hands.
Every day, it’s harder to look at him.
He doesn’t say it, but you see the determination in his eyes each day, the absolute certainty that today is the day. The last one.
It always is, for him, and his unexpected faith in you shatters you to the core. Meanwhile, you’re not even capable of asking for help.
"It’s not your fault, Twelve," Bucky says, and you flinch.
"Of course it’s my fault," you say quietly. "Who do you think got us into this mess."
"So you set out to kill me repeatedly?"
You shoot up straight. "Of course not!"
Bucky just leans against the table next to you, flicking through one of the books without paying it any attention. You press your lips together.
"What difference does it make, though? We’re here anyway."
"If you don’t know that already, I don’t know how to tell you," he says calmly.
None, you think. It makes zero difference, and you both know it, even though he’s nice or smart enough to not tell you to your face.
"I’m sorry," you say, once again, because lately all you want to do is apologize to him, no matter how many times he forgets.
Bucky frowns, but before he can say something else that will undoubtedly break your composure completely, you quickly clear your throat.
"Could you get me this one book down, actually? It’s on the top shelf and, well …" Stretching is still a struggle.
He shrugs and follows you back into the labyrinth. The silence tears at you in a way it hasn’t before, and you twist your fingers in front of your chest. You never look at your rings anymore.
"I never asked," Bucky says casually, dragging the fingers of his right hand along the spines as you keep looking for the book you’re after. "Do you have any siblings?"
Your hands still.
For a moment, you consider telling him. About your family. About the life you used to have, before everything. It seems so long ago, now, almost like a distant dream. You don’t dwell on it too long.
"Ask me tomorrow?" Your voice is thin.
He follows your gaze to the shelf and easily picks out the book you want. His eyes are very blue when he turns back to you, his head slightly tilted to the side. "Are you gonna tell me then?"
You swallow as you slowly take the book out of his hands and hold it against your chest. "Remember to ask me," you say, almost pleadingly, "and I might."
He doesn’t, so you don’t. It shouldn’t hurt.
***
"Here’s what I don’t get," Sam says, leaning back in his chair. "You said you only saw Strange once. Shouldn’t that happen every day, if you’re stuck in a time loop?"
You want to yell, and yell, and never stop.
"Theoretically, yes," you say, again. "Our time, here, is looped. But Bucky’s right."
"Hear that?" Bucky tells Sam. You both ignore him.
"Every time I go back in time, I essentially switch realities, except right now, that’s not happening because we’re stuck on repeat. That’s not true for the astral plane though, because it’s a different reality. So Strange can do whatever he wants, because he’s not part of the loop."
"I’m getting a headache," Sam says.
"Get in line, man," Bucky remarks. "I’m apparently dying."
"We’re missing something," you say, staring at the plexiglass board until your eyes start burning.
"Sanity?" Sam suggests.
"Well, let’s think about this rationally," Bucky says, voice only slightly laced with sarcasm. "How many other times do we know something like this has happened?"
You pull up the list of movies you already had ready for this question, pointing at them one by one. "Endless loop. Saving each other, that’s not working out so far. That one was terrible." You let out a heavy breath of air. "I guess we could try threatening Loki and see if it helps."
"Loki’s dead, though."
"Mhm, right." You scroll to the bottom. "Well, I guess that leaves blowing ourselves up, then. Can’t hurt."
"Sounds like a Friday night to me," Bucky says.
"Alright, lemmings one and two, let’s calm down again," Sam cuts in. "You said it’s because of the mission, right? Why don’t you just sit this one out, then?"
You roll your eyes. "Haven’t heard that before."
"I’m not letting the two of you go in there alone if these guys are dangerous enough to get one of us killed," Bucky predictably says.
"I can call Torres for backup," Sam tries. "Or, I don’t know, one of those guys in midtown."
"Give it up, Sam," you interrupt. "He’s not going to listen. We’ve been over this every day."
"Well, is there any part of the mission we—"
"Any part of the mission we overlooked?" you cut him off, voice getting louder until you’re shouting. "I don’t know, because every time I think I’ve got everything covered, something new pops up, and nothing fucking changes anyway! And then we’re here again, over and over, and I’m starting to go insane!"
Alpine hisses at you from her place on Bucky’s lap.
"You do realize we’re trying to help. Don’t you," Sam says, so calmly that your anger dissipates immediately. The usual wave of guilt hits you, instead, and you bite the inside of your cheek until you draw blood.
"I’m sorry," you say. "It’s just—everywhere I look, there’s a roadblock."
"I know." Sam pinches his nose as he stares at the board. "I’m guessing you’ve tried the Groundhog Day option?"
Your heart drops.
Usually, you see this coming, but your thoughts are too muddled today. You feel the heat rising to your cheeks and Bucky scrunches his eyebrows together.
"What’s the Groundhog Day option?"
"It wouldn’t work," you say sharply, sending Sam a glare. He seems entertained by it.
"And how’d you know that?"
"Because it’s a movie," you hiss. "And a stupid one at that, things don’t work in real life like they do in a Hollywood film!"
"Hey!" Bucky says loudly. "No ignoring the dying man. What’s the Groundhog Day option?"
"You guys fucking breaks the loop," Sam answers before you can stop him. Alpine jumps to the floor and parades away. For the first time, you admire her.
"Oh," Bucky says, after a painfully long pause.
"Yeah. Oh." You don’t meet his eye. "Like I said, it’s stupid. And it isn’t how time works."
"It doesn’t work by you accidentally creating a loop either, though, does it," Bucky says, nodding at your half-hearted drawings on the board.
"Bucky, I’m not going to sleep with you just in case. That’s not even how it works in the goddamn movie," you say with a pointed look at Sam, who shrugs.
"I just thought I’d ask."
"Hold on a second," Bucky interjects, cheeks slightly tinged, "so you’d rather I keep dying than just see if it works?"
"What?" Your face is burning. So are his eyes. "No, I—it’s just not that easy."
"Sounds pretty straightforward to me," he argues.
"It’s not about the sex!" The words tumble out of your mouth to the beat of your heart. "He has to fall in love with her, that’s what breaks his loop in the movie. It’s a completely different situation!"
There’s a beat where the two of you stare at each other before Bucky’s face goes blank of emotion.
"Right." He nods, his jaw set tight.
Something inside you curls. "Sam, could you give us a minute?"
Sam looks between the two of you uncomfortably. It’s clear he doesn’t particularly want to stay, but he doesn’t want to leave the two of you alone, either. "You sure?"
"Not necessary," Bucky says, standing up. "I’m going for a walk."
"Bucky—"
"Don’t," he says, and the iciness in his voice freezes you to the spot. "And don’t follow me!"
You flinch as the door slams shut behind him.
"That went well," Sam says.
"Really?" You glare at him. "Did you have to bring up fucking Groundhog Day?"
"Sorry that my frame of reference for breaking a time loop isn’t wider than nineties pop culture," he says, crossing his arms. "Also, I don’t see what the problem is."
You stare at him and his expectantly raised eyebrows. Your heart is still thundering.
"I don’t fucking have time for this," you say, and turn your back.
***
When you enter the kitchen, it takes you a moment to realize that Sam is still on the phone.
"That’s nice," he says, nodding his head to acknowledge you. "No. Nah, but I’m leaving now. Yeah. Tell them hi from me, okay. Okay. You, too. See ya."
"How’s Sarah?" you ask after he ends the call.
"Good. She’s good." He starts folding up the recycling and you can’t bring yourself to tell him there’s no need. "They’re hosting the barbecue again this year, so the boys are thrilled."
"Sounds lovely," you say, twisting your necklace between your fingers.
"It’s chaos." He laughs. "Man, I miss 'em. Always feels like it’s been too long."
Even longer than he is able to remember, you think with a pang in your heart.
"Why didn’t you fly home for the holiday?" you ask.
"Because," Sam says, rolling his shoulders, "I can’t just be uncle Sam for Cass and AJ today, I have to be uncle Sam for the whole country. That’s my part on America’s day now." He shrugs it off. "Just how it is."
"I’m sorry," you say. It’s hard for you to imagine how he is able to handle all of this pressure, the scrutiny, the weight of everyone’s expectations on his back. You can barely handle your own life, and what’s that, by comparison?
"Don’t be." His neck cracks and he sighs quietly. "Kinda signed up for this, didn’t I?"
You look at the shield, casually placed on the kitchen counter, waiting for him to pick it up on the way out. It’s always looked heavier than it is.
"Besides," Sam continues, "pizza is almost as good as homemade hot dogs."
You successfully swallow down your slight gag. "It’s not that far to Louisiana. There’s still time for that hot dog."
He knows what you’re doing, and so his lopsided grin doesn’t reach his eyes. "Let’s get our cyborg through the day, alright? I’ll see her soon enough."
He squeezes your shoulder and heads for his room to change.
His words tug at something deep inside you, long after he’s closed the door behind him. Something you have to keep locked, normally, deep in the core of your ribcage, like an unruly bird, because otherwise it’ll keep breaking free and rendering you unable to move.
You sit crosslegged on the floor next to your window, your back to the wall, just like she used to. You feel ridiculous, but that birdlike thing inside compels you and you’re weak. The back of your closet seems to scream your name, begging you to keep digging until you find the sad remnants of an embrace in a soft piece of fabric.
You ignore it.
Still, your phone finds its way into your hand, and before you can stop yourself you’re scrolling through abysmally few contacts, your finger hovering over one of them for a whole ten seconds before you press it. There’s no air in your lungs as it rings an infinite amount of times, and then—
"You’ve reached Nat."
Her voice is like a kiss on the forehead and an ice cold shower at the same time. The room in front of you starts to blur.
"I obviously can’t talk right now, but I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. If it’s about one of the kids, try the main office. Thanks!"
"Hey, Natasha," you say a few seconds after the beep, your voice thick. "It’s me. I just … I wanted to tell you that I really miss your voice."
You laugh wetly, because already, it’s fading from your memory again. A tear rolls down your cheek.
"So sappy, I know, but it’s true. I miss you, and I really need you today. Every day, actually." The lump in your throat grows. "Sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. I love you, Nat."
You end the call and throw your phone on the floor, not caring if it breaks.
Normally, when you cry like this, you halt the world. Your emotions aren’t for anyone to witness, not like this. Not when everything is spinning and every gasp for air makes your entire body shake.
Now, though, you’re left with no other option than to have it keep moving with you, each passing second making the temporal rift between you and her larger.
You are incapable of saving anyone, no matter your promise. Useless.
You don’t hear the knock on the door, only his voice on the other side.
"Y/N? Can I come in?"
You clap your hand over your mouth so hard even more tears spring to your eyes, desperately trying to slow your breathing. You find yourself nodding.
"No!" you shout, and it sounds pathetically whiny.
He can’t see you like this, not when you look as broken as you feel. Your insides are twisting, screaming, yearning for someone to rock you in their lap and tell you everything is going to be alright.
But they’re all gone.
You have no one.
"Please?" he says again, and something about the way he does makes white-hot anger course through you.
You barely notice yourself rising to your feet, blindly grabbing the first thing within reach and throwing it with everything you have left in you. Your lamp crashes to the floor, the screen off center, the bulb shattering into a million pieces. Your alarm clock is next, the screen only cracking before you smash it against the wall and it finally stops its incessant ticking. You sweep everything off your desk with a swing of your blood-stained pillow, not caring about the noise or the damage or anything, really.
Your actions have no consequences anymore.
Pictures and books and clothes all fall victim to your wrath for the second time, and you step on them all, kicking and shoving until there’s a crack underneath your heel and you wince.
The splintered frame hurts more than the shards. You couldn’t care less about your own face, unrecognizable underneath the broken glass, but Natasha and Steve’s wide grins have also been shattered by the fall. It’s almost poetic, in a horrible way, and when you wrap your arms around yourself and stumble backwards, you notice that you’re shaking.
"Please," you whisper, sure it’s too quiet for anyone to hear, sure that by now, he’s long gone.
The door opens, anyway.
You don’t turn away from the picture, tears falling silently now. He gingerly steps over your mess until he’s so close you can feel him right behind you. It takes you another minute to catch your breath enough to speak.
"It’s not fair," you say quietly, voice still quivering. "I know I’m cursed, but why is it that everyone else has to pay? Why her? Why you?"
"You’re not cursed," Bucky says and you laugh mirthlessly.
"No, I am. I damned myself and I’m taking everyone else down with me, and I don’t even know … I don’t know how to stop this."
"Twelve—"
"Don’t—" you start, but you don’t have the energy anymore. It’s all been drained from you. Bucky sighs.
"Powers or not, you’re still in control of your actions."
It only makes you cry harder.
"Can I—" He clears his throat. "Can I give you a hug?"
And it’s so easy to turn, finally, and to find yourself enveloped by his arms, your fingers digging into his shirt so tightly it has to hurt, but he doesn’t say anything. His heartbeat is so loud when you’re this close, so alive, and he holds you through the next shaky fall of tears, warm and steady, hands pressing tightly against your back as if to remind you he’s still here.
At least for now.
"Step on my feet," he tells you softly, so you can tell it’s a request, not a demand. "There are shards everywhere and you’re already bleeding."
You do so, hesitantly, and Bucky clears the way out for both of you, slowly walking backwards with you leaning on him until you reach the threshold.
You barely notice as he sits you down on a bed, only whimpering as he carefully pries your fingers from his shirt to retreat a step from you, taking his warmth with him.
"I’ll be right back, doll."
He squeezes your hands before he lets go, and you fall back on the bed in shameful exhaustion. You can feel your mind drifting, as if you’re in a trance, your limbs heavy by your side. Something at the back of your head seems to tingle, like a memory or an inkling.
And then you feel the pull again.
This time, instead of falling it’s like treading waters, onwards and upwards through a thick, gooey resistance in the air, fighting the urge to open your eyes, incredibly aware of every itch in your body until … you’re not.
You feel very light, somehow, as if you’ve been carrying a heavy backpack that’s no longer dragging you down. Hesitantly, you open your eyes.
Odd angles and off colors, and the still disconcerting sight of your own body sleeping in bed.
Your gaze drops to your wrist. The now familiar band of green symbols is still wrapped around it, but when you concentrate, you can feel the slightest glimmer of your powers in that empty void inside of you.
Different realities. He was right.
"You’re back, then."
A mad laugh escapes you as you drop your hand. "Really? That’s all?"
Strange raises an eyebrow at you, his cloak flapping slightly. He’s sitting at your desk, seemingly without a care in the world, two steaming cups in front of him.
"Did you expect to be complimented for the bare minimum?" he asks, unperturbed. "Because then we’re both in for disappointment."
"You know what?" you say sharply, straightening up. "A single nice word would be great! You have no idea, no clue what I am going through here!"
"What you are going through?" He takes a sip of tea. "Imagine how Sergeant Barnes must feel."
Again, you feel rage bubbling up inside you. "That is all I imagine! Okay? I am failing him every single day, over and over again. And he doesn’t even really know it, which makes it worse because he still thinks that somehow, I’m going to save him, even though it’s all my fault!"
"Contrition. How refreshing." Strange’s cool gray eyes fixate on you. "Sit down."
You stare at him blankly.
"Don’t mistake my presence here for kindness," he says when you show no intentions of moving. "Your powers, left unchecked, continue to be a menace to the structure of space and time, and trust me, you don’t want to start tearing that down."
"Or what?" you say.
"Chaos," Strange answers. "Now sit. Down."
You sit on the edge of your reading chair, not letting him out of your sight for a second. The other mug of tea scoots closer to your end of the table on its own. A sweet, herbal smell drifts over. You eye it warily.
"I can’t well poison you without a body," Strange says, rolling his eyes. You suppose he has a point. "Here’s the deal," he continues. "I am going to help you in exchange for honest answers."
"You didn’t offer your help last time," you mutter around the rim of your mug.
"You were too busy acting tough and shouting at me to ask for it. Most people don’t react too generously to that."
The tea is both soothing and energizing at the same time; you’ve never tasted anything like it. "So I answer your questions and you help me … how?"
"Like I said, the only one capable of ending the loop is the one who started it in the first place." Strange’s cloak points at you. You frown back at it. "But for that, you need a stronger hold on your powers."
"And how do I do that, then?"
Strange’s eyes narrow ever so slightly as he looks at you from head to toe. "Black tourmaline and silver."
Reflexively, you reach for your necklace.
"A bit primitive, but effective, as it seems," he continues. "Your own idea?"
You need him, you remind yourself. As much as it pains you.
"My mother’s," you answer reluctantly.
"Of course." Strange puts his fingertips together in a triangle, thinking. "That’d keep others from sniffing up your powers from miles away. Smart woman, your mother. Quick thinking. But that’s not all, is it?"
"Listen, doc, I’m not going to tell you my life story unless you give me something in return," you say, putting your empty mug back on the desk. "What are we going to do about my powers?"
Strange reaches into thin air and his hand vanishes in a mirror crack. When he pulls it back, he’s holding a book in it that he throws into your lap. "You get to studying."
*****
"Can I ask you a weird question?" you said later that evening, staring at the ceiling. A content sort of exhaustion had started to set in, but none of you were ready to call it a night quite yet.
"Of course," Natasha said from her upside-down position on the couch, continuing to play with Steve’s hand in her lap.
You pushed up to your elbows. "Do you believe in fate?"
"Not really," Steve answered without so much as a pause.
"Seriously?" Nat turned her head towards him. "You don’t think there might be a reason we’re sitting here right now?"
"Sure I do." He booped her nose with their entwined fingers. "We’re here because we chose to be here. Like I chose to take the serum and you chose to escape the Red Room."
The quick shadows dancing across her face made you wonder whether Steve didn’t know everything about Natasha’s past, either. You sat up slowly, crossing your feet underneath you.
"So you don’t think there’s one way things are supposed to go, some grand plan or scheme or whatever, and we just … I don’t know. Pretend we can mess with it?" You fiddled around with your necklace.
"Nah," Steve said with a tired smile. "Everyone can change something."
"That’s putting a lot of faith in individuals, isn’t it?" Natasha asked.
"What do you think, then?"
She thought about it, wriggling her toes in the air. Her nails were painted as red as the roots of her hair. "I like the thought of serendipity," she finally settled on.
You grinned. "You mean, you like the movie Serendipity, you sap."
She threw a pillow at your head and you laughed. "I will neither confirm nor deny that," she said with a charming twinkle in her eye. "But that whole 'fate or free will' thing—I don’t know, I just don’t think there’s a clear cut answer like that."
Steve hummed. "So, happy accidents?"
"Yeah." She smiled at him. "Sometimes. Not fated, just fortunate."
"I think I like that," you said thoughtfully, pressing the pillow to your chest.
"Why are you asking?" Natasha looked at you and you dropped your gaze.
"Just wondering," you mumbled. You were pretty sure she knew, anyway.
Nat had a way of understanding things that bordered on the telepathic, an empathy that always seemed so out of place with everything else you’d learned about her, with what little you knew was in her past.
Whether or not there was a higher power behind it, it had to be a rare miracle in a series of coincidences that Natasha Romanoff had stayed as good as she did.
Serendipitous, almost.
Later, when you lay in bed and had the world stop to listen to your own heartbeat, you kept coming back to that thought. Green wisps of time curled around your fingers like shimmering jewelry, and you asked yourself if those accidents ever felt happy in the moment or if that was something you had to conclude later.
Maybe sometimes there was no way of telling at all.
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chapter five
thank you for reading!! you can follow my library blog @intrepidacious-fics for update notifications 💚
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writerwhowritesao3 · 3 days ago
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Mildly obsessed with the idea that angels (and nephilim) see more colors than humans do.
Jack doesn't realize that sometimes he sees things that Sam and Dean don't. It just never comes up.
But then one day, he and Sam are poking around one of the storage rooms in the bunker, and Sam discovers a big box of prisms in various shapes and sizes.
"Oh man, I used to love playing with these when I was a kid!" he says with a huge smile.
"Are they game pieces?" Jack asks, picking a pyramid-shaped one.
"They're called prisms," Sam says. "Come on, I'll show you."
Sam takes Jack up to the roof, the latter carefully carrying the box. On the way up, he explains about light refractions. Jack listens with rapt attention, as he always does whenever Sam teaches him things. He's pretty sure that Sam is the smartest human in the world. Or, at least, the smartest human that Jack has ever met.
When they get to the roof, Sam shows him how to angle the prisms just right so that a rainbow appears on the floor.
"It's like magic!" Jack exclaims.
"Nah, it's just science," Sam laughs.
Science was so freakin' cool.
They spend the next few minutes holding up multiple prisms, trying to get the perfect angles to combine the rainbows together into one big super-rainbow.
"Okay, I got these four to merge," Jack says, holding two prisms between the fingers of each hand.
"Almost." Sam nods. "I think if you maybe lift them higher, you can get the colors to touch."
"They are touching," Jack says. "See?"
Sam looks at the ground again. There's about an inch and a half of space between each rainbow.
"The color right next to the violet on this one is overlapping with the color next to the red on that one, and then also the color next to that color," Jack continues.
Sam moves his gaze from the ground to Jack. He tries to spot the kid's usual tells—the ones he has whenever he tries to pull a prank on him, Dean, or Cas.
"What are the names of those colors, by the way?" Jack asks, and then clarifies: "The English names. I only know them in Enochian."
Sam realizes that Jack isn't joking around.
"It's so weird. These colors are everywhere, but I've never been able to find crayons that match them," Jack continues.
"Um...I don't know, buddy," Sam says. He tries to keep his tone casual. "I bet Cas knows, though."
"Probably," Jack agrees. "Cas pretty much knows everything."
Sam chuckles and shoots a quick text to Dean:
something weird on roof. bring cas
Dean and Cas materialize on the roof a few seconds later. Castiel almost never flies in the bunker; he's learned that most humans find it unsettling and rude to suddenly appear before them, and he doesn't want to make his human family uncomfortable in their own home—and he wants to set a good example for Jack.
Cas looks worried. He wouldn't fly if he didn't think it was absolutely necessary. Sam feels mildly guilty for how he phrased his text.
"What's wrong?" Dean immediately asks, already scanning the roof for potential threats.
"Nothing's wrong," Sam says. "Can both of you come over here real quick?"
When they do, Sam points at the colors on the ground.
"Are these rainbows touching?" he asks.
"No," Dean says, at the same time that Cas says, "Yes."
"You and Dean can't see these colors?" Jack asks, bewildered.
"They can't," Cas answers. "Humans can only see a certain spectrum of color. Other species, like mantis shrimp, can see more. But still not as many as angelic beings."
"So you and Jack just see a bunch of crazy colors all the time?" Dean says. "That's trippy as hell."
"How are we just learning about this now?" Sam says.
"It's never come up," Cas shrugs. He goes over to Jack and picks a couple more prisms out of the box to inspect and angle in the sunlight.
They stay on the roof to watch the sunset. Sam and Dean ask Cas and Jack if they see any extra colors. They do.
Later that night, Jack tries to describe the colors that he and Cas can see. He's unsuccessful, but the effort is appreciated.
One of the ways Jack tries to describe the colors is in terms of taste, physical sensation, and sound. Which is how Sam and Dean learn that angels and nephilim experience varying degrees of synesthesia.
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stellocchia · 2 days ago
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I have become kind of obsessed with Color, Killer, and Lust as a trio...
Like, not even necessarily the ship, just them.
Color has a type when it comes to his besties, they gotta be specifically cat coded, have their soul tampered with against their will (with Killer by the player and with Lust by their government. Btw, Underlust doesn't get enough credit for how horrifying of a concept it is. Imagine growing up knowing that, as soon as you become of age, you will be injected with a soul trait that doesn't belong to you and that will inevitably change you forever. Imagine being told that it's 'for the greater good' because your whole species is going extinct. The level of propaganda and lack of bodily autonomy those guys are subjected to should be acknowledged), and have lived in highly abusive environments for the big majority of their lives.
Everyone keeps wondering why such a seemingly normal guy is so determined to keep spending time with what they see as sex crazed freaks. No part of that belief is correct.
Color's type also extends to all of his besties being aroace. With Lust, that's a very unfortunate predicament, and Killer probably is unlabeled more than anything because he refuses to do any introspection lest he actually learns who he is and comes to hate it even more. But really, they are very aroace.
Whether this trio is platonic or not, they frequently go on dates to Ccino's cafe because they do love cats. And they go on nature hikes together. And shopping. And maybe they don't all share each others' hobbies, but seeing the other two happy and safe, and passionate about something is all the motivation they need to go along anyway.
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miifu666 · 1 day ago
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I remember you made that yandere post on wukong and I love reading it !! I was wondering do you have any thoughts on the destiny one or macaque if their were yanderes ? 👀 if not no worries ^^
Merry Christmas ‼️ time to show off Destined one, who i believe is scarier than the other two, like they say. The quiet one is the scariest. Also, a lot of you asked for DO soo sorry for the long wait 😭
⋆˙⟡ —CW: dub-con, Somnophilia, exhibition kink, Scent kink, Yandere, non-con, NSFT
Yandere! Destined one
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Unlike the other two, he's more of a monkey than them. The things he feels are 10x more worse, justified by his actions that he so called "courting you properly" even if its mostly just him stalking you throughout the day and after that, slowly building your own paranoia to work with him. Yuan fen would stay silent, even as you come at him with rapid eve movements around the room and heaving breaths. He's smart enough to hide how he's the source of all your troubles, your every rant about this so called paranoia thats been bugging you, the feeling of being watched and some objects going missing will help him to improve more on his skill.
"I-ive been feeling paranoid around here... please tell me im not crazy, Yuan Fen.."
Yuan fen is a silent person. His actions speaks more in volume. That doesn't mean he's not using it to his advantage, he's like a monster who's been under your nose all this time. The creature who hides under your bed, like literally. Or sleep beside you, depending on how both you travel. Haven't you felt how tiring your body is despite getting a full 8 hours of sleep? Also, why does your underwear get sticky? Are you that exhausted for your intimate areas to be so.. sore? You don't even wake up when Yuan Fen drapes his arms over you, snuggling closer to your nape until the sun shows itself. Uncovering the dirty deeds he did during his time with the moon and on top of you.
His hands are sticky as he continues to spread his musky scent into your chest, making your sleepy self associate his smell with pleasure. Trailing down his fingers down your hips, spreading your legs and pumping your hole with his long and kneady fingers. He's just making you feel comfortable, dont worry too much. On days where he knows you're lethargic, he'll make sure the sheets beneath you to be dry as he goes on his endeavors. Drinking and lapping up every single drop of your sweet honeyed love nectar, the more activities you do in the day, the more sweet you are in the night.
He'll make sure to be silent, aside from his slurping and gulping the nice opening you let him eat on. Eating you out is like his own way of charging his battery, his own personal ambrosia.
"Dont look at me like that! My hips and back are hurting okay! I thought i already put enough leaves on my side of the bed... ugh"
Yuan fen is a sweet mate, a good friend. He'll make sure to to spoil you rotten with fresh fruits he picked, he thinks about you 24/7, makes sure you feel loved with his oh so sweet gesture of being a gentleman, never letting you touch any doorknob or step on any puddles, Yuan fen who wants your approval despite the dominating attitude he gives soff. Yuan fen who notices you melt every time you hear his voice, each new words he said is purposely deeper than the last. Just to make sure he has you crooning over him while he worships you, an object of his desire with a favouritism of his voice? Oh he'll have fun with it.
Yuan fen who would speak to you more once he's face to face with your trembling thighs, making sure to growl the nastiest and filthiest things the moment his hands and throbbing member came in contact with your puffy hole. You'd be taken aback at how he says such vulgar sentence with a straight face, his eyes held the mad obsession he keeps inside.
"Its okay if you can't talk! Your actions are more than enough"
Yan! Yuan fen is an obsessive and possessive monkey who would do anything to mark you. Conscious or not, he'll make you his. He's smart enough to be the mind relic and quiet enough to do unsuspecting acts without gathering attention. He doesn't care if he's being clingy in front of Unclee Bajie, the celestials or even Erlang. Whoever has the guts to try and woo you, is going to enjoy the last 7 seconds of their life.
Is his hands being around your waist not a good enough sign? Is his smell covering every bits and crevices of yours not enough?? Does he need to spread you open in front of them to show who you belong to? He'll do so if it means they'll understand how unworthy you are to them, but not to him. Oh, never him. You're a perfect being, only fit to be his, only created for him. You're his one and only.
"My. Mate"
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hellfireloserclub · 3 days ago
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For @kaspurrcat . Happy seasonal whatever it is you celebrate at this time of year ! Hope you enjoy your @steddieexchange fic !
Read it on ao3 here
Eddie didn't have a soulmate. He was almost certain of it.
He was almost twenty-two, most soulmates met or crossed paths way before they turned twenty-one.
If he had a soulmate, wouldn't they have shown up by now?
He was pretty sure your soulmate was supposed to show themselves in a near death situation? At this point he was pretty well versed in that department.
He had seen the light. The pearly gates had been calling. He had sacrificed himself for the greater good and all that bullshit, and if you were to believe Wayne, that was a one-way ticket to nirvana.
But the big guy upstairs had kicked him back to the mortal realm with little to no ceremony. He had followed the voices, like a good boy. You know the way they had preached each Sunday at church when he was knee high to a grasshopper. But instead of fluffy clouds and dudes playing harps, the voices had led him back to the blood red skies of the Upside Down.
Maybe he hadn't gotten a free pass after all.
Waking up in Steve Harrington's arms once was an anomaly, his stupidly honest big brown eyes pleading for Eddie to be alright. It wasn’t the worst experience in the world, at least someone other than Dustin had been there to put his insides back in the right place.
The second time Eddie came back from the dead under Steve Harrington's capable hands, it was just getting weird.
Harrington was like a cockroach; you couldn't kill him, but did he have to always be there when Eddie was on the brink of death?
The pair of them really needed to stop jumping head first into lovers lake, it never ended well for either of them. It was getting to where he was pretty sure his near-death experiences were more near Steve experiences these days.
Now if you were to believe the textbooks and the mushy romance novels… the love of Eddie's life should have been the one to bring him back from the brink.
Not Steve ‘king of the hair’ Harrington.
So in Eddie's defense, he was pretty sure that his soulmate just didn't exist.
She would have turned up by now right? Some universal bond tying him to the earthly realm.
He would have some sort of mark, something that tied them together, but he didn't.
All he had was scars.
Scars, nightmares, and a Knight in denim armor in the form of Steve Harrington. Someone he now got to count as one of his closest friends.
So when anyone asked him about it -why he still hasn't found his other half- he told them it didn't matter. Because it really didn't. The world was a big place, there was every chance your soulmate didn't even live in the same town, city, state… hell they might not even live on the same continent.
So it didn't matter. Eddie didn't have a soulmate. Eddie didn't care.
Only he did.
Ever since he came back from the dead the second time, (He really hoped he wouldn't have to make it a third time and that this time Vecna really stayed dead) Eddie had become obsessed with the concept of soulmates. Fascinated by the way the universe decided who was the other half of your soul and how that bond manifested. He had notebook after notebook on the subject. Read every book he could get his hands on copying paragraph after paragraph into his swooping scrawl.
He observed the people in his life like they were a nature documentary, then when his brain had processed the information he recorded it in his notes.
If he had been this thorough in high school, he might have graduated first time around.
He watched as Hopper and Joyce re-connected a soul bond that had formed back when they were teens.
Joyce would regale them whenever she got a drink in her hand, that something had pulled her to keep looking for Hopper when he disappeared. Not that same drive that had made everyone think she was crazy when Will disappeared, it was something else. It was the feeling of being tugged in a direction but not knowing where to go. A buzz in her mind that told her that Hop wasn't dead. It was the same feeling she had back when they Upside Down had come knocking the first time, but this time it was tenfold.
(Eddie wished he had someone who would always keep looking for him, it would be nice not to feel lost )
Lucas had instinctively known what Max had needed all the way through her time in the hospital, even when she was three floors above them and deep in a coma.
In her time of healing, he formed the echoes of her wounds and ever since any minor cut or blemish showed on the others skin when they hurt themselves.
Max learning to skate again had ended up with Lucas looking like he had fallen out of a tree. But he wore his bruises and scrapes with pride and they faded a lot faster than the ones that the car park had created outside of Maldives.
(The only wounds that showed on his skin these days were paper cuts from all his notebooks and the occasional burn to the tip of his finger. His mind wandered when he smoked and he must burn them down to the filter more often than he noticed. )
Nancy and Jonathan had manufactured soul marks, twin cuts on their palms that had been their own doing, a bond made rather than given, born through trauma and blood. Since they had reunited that bond had grown stronger.
It must have sucked to be Harrington, Eddie had been routing for him. As far as Eddie could see Steve was head over heels for Nancy, at least he had been back then.
But Jon and Nancy’s bond is forged in blood. The strongest of the soul bonds, made from sacrifice. Sure Steve had thrown himself in front of the jaws of death a million times, but not in the same way as Nancy and Jon had that first time.
(Eddie thought about it every time he looked at the scar on his arm from when he and Steve had cut themselves to lure the Demodogs away from the hospital and towards lovers lake. He still can’t believe his stupid plan worked. He had been in no fit state to be trying to run for his life again, but had been back on his feet enough to lure the drooling monsters away from Max’s door. But it had worked, and it had worked well. Right until something pulled him and Steve to the bottom of the lake again, but Eddie's plans rarely had an exit strategy, getting out was an afterthought.)
Eddie had wondered why the trauma that Robin and Steve went through hadn’t marked them. Normally five drinks deep and high as a kite he would ask them, the weird little third wheel that he was.
But whenever Eddie brought it up Steve would go quiet, and Robin would tell Eddie that when you only had one brain between you both, sharing a soul wouldn’t be the best idea.
Steve would get fidgety and rub absentmindedly at his neck, then mutter about soulmates being ridiculous, anyway. He rubbed that scar a lot, whenever he was nervous, whenever he was deep in thought.
Eddie wondered if it tingled and itched the way his own did, late at night when he was lying alone and pining for something he didn't seem to have.
Maybe notorious ladies’ man Harrington had the same problem as Eddie?
It wasn't unheard of to lose a soulmate, and Hawkins had a high body count.
Wayne had never met the other half of his soul, that little tug of fate had never come calling and Wayne was fine, Wayne was happy. At least that's what Eddie thought, it was sometimes hard to read his old man's expression and because he was a man of few words; it wasn't like they were ever going to go all deep and meaningful over it.
But just this once Eddie felt like he would like to be normal. He was getting kind of sick and tired of being the anomaly. He could deal with being the freak, but on his terms. When it came to this, to the matter of his very soul, it would be nice to be a little sheepee instead of the big bad wolf.
*************
Eddie flexed his arm in the breakroom mirror, his new ink had healed nicely.
Gareth had suggested a trip into the big city when he was back from college for Thanksgiving, and who was Eddie to deny one of his oldest friends anything?
It was an act of split second decision to swing into the tattoo parlor. Garath wanted, and Eddie was weak willed and easily led.
The guy had done a good job; he left with his bats touched up and looking a lot less like they had been chewed up by the demonic version of their best selves. The stick and poke version was long gone, replaced by the forking tails of the beasts that had given him the gnarly flesh wounds he was now trying to make a distant memory.
It was nice to look in the mirror and not instantly be reminded of skin grafts and trauma, to see bits of himself rising to the surface.
Yeah maybe the bats had been a bit on the nose, but he had read enough Batman comics to learn to embrace the thing that scared him.
It was helping to hold on to at least one bit of his own identity. He was not enjoying being part of the corporate grind, even if that corporate grind was lugging boxes around and stacking shelves in Family Video alongside Steve. Battle vest traded in for the forest green monstrosity that did nothing for his complexion.
The only thing it had going for it was the fact that he could wear whatever the hell he liked under the thing as long as he toned it down when head office showed up.
After all, he was friends with the boss.
Life was serene when Steve was the boss, especially when he was willing to rotate the staff around Hellfire, important Party business and Eddie’s inability to function on anything that looked or acted like a schedule.
Right now the man in question was watching him from the door, arms crossed in irritation as he tapped his foot in agitation.
“You look hot Munson, Sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in a work vest, now can we please, get a move on.” Steve bitched as he checked the time on his watch again.
“Buckley isn’t back for at least another hour and a half, what's the rush sweetheart?” Eddie said over his shoulder as he pulled his sweater back down over his hands and threw his vest in the staff's corner room where it would have to rot till his next shift.
“We have to pick up the tree from Hoppers before we go get her and I wanted to catch my parents before they fly out to my Gran’s for the holidays-”
“They leaving you here again?” Eddie asked sceptically, as he pulled on his jacket, not that he didn’t like the Harrington's; they had been nothing but nice to him. He just wished that once in a while they would put Steve before whatever flight of fancy his mother took, or the business trips his dad couldn’t be trusted to take alone.
“I told them I didn’t want to go, I haven’t seen Robin in over a month, and I have work. Pair that with the fact that I really can’t be bothered with my Gran lecturing me on how disappointed she is in me I took the get out of jail free card . This way I get to see your cheerful face throughout this festive season.” Steve said, patting Eddie on both cheeks.
Steve had a way of getting under Eddie's skin like nobody else, if anyone else tried to baby him like this he would bite them. Verbally or physically depending on who it was, although he did try to rein in his strangeness these days, at least in public, but not around Steve, he snapped after Steve's fingers as he pulled them away.
“Yeah, but now… I get to feel guilty about the fact you're rocking around that great big house of yours on your own on the big day, baby… pretty thing like you shouldn’t be alone on Christmas.” Eddie said as he followed Steve towards the door. Getting as close as he dares to really irritate the man. It was too early to close the store, they both knew that, but who was going to tell them off? Steve?
Trying to irritate him didn’t work, as soon as they were at the door Steve halted and Eddie plowed right into his back, causing the other man to laugh and reach out and steady him.
“Careful.” Steve said as he reached around him to flip the sign, pulled his packet of Malbrough out of his pocket and gently pushed Eddie out the door.
It was a well-practiced thing now, the first smoke at the end of the shift. If they were picking up Robin soon, it might be the last one Steve had for a while. Robin’s wrath at them smoking around her wasn’t worth the nicotine fix.
Eddie watched as the other man went through his routine, lighting two cigarettes in his own mouth then passing one to Eddie, he let Steve place it between his lips no questions asked.
Steve seemed to mill something over in his mind as he took his first deep huff of smoke.
“I’m not going to be alone, I’ll be at Henderson’s, just like you no doubt, because I’m sure as hell that Uncle Wayne refused to take the day off.”
“Stubborn as a mule, and just as predictable.” Eddie grumbled.
“Uncle Wayne or you?” Steve asked, blowing small smoke circles in the air. The sight momentarily hypnotized Eddie, unable to take his eyes away from the way Steve twisted his tongue to get the shapes right.
“You don’t have to call him Uncle, we've been through this.” Eddie groused as he ashed his own cigarette, before opening his side of the truck and climbing behind the driver's seat.
“Yeah I know, but he won’t let me call him Sir and he keeps telling me if I call him Mr. Munson, I’m not allowed in the apartment.” Steve lamented as they drove out of the car park and turned towards the forest. “I know for a fact that Mama Claudia would never leave you and Wayne out when she invited all the strays around for lunch, because she’s incapable of not looking after a lost cause.”
“Does this mean I have to get you a gift?” Eddie asked as they idled at a red light, the snow falling slowly outside adding an element of whimsy to the traitorous conditions. He took his last draw of his smoke and stubbed it out in his ashtray, eyes half on the road, half on his closest friend in the passenger seat. He looked good today, all ruddy cheeked and wind swept, even if his signature hair hid underneath a black wool hat that he had stolen from Eddie last time he was at the apartment.
“You mean you haven’t already?” Steve pouted from the passenger seat, angel and bastard all rolled into one being. “I thought I was a kept man?”
“Whores will have their trinkets.” Eddie lamented and Steve punched him in the arm.
“Strong words when you're the only one who’s had a date in months.” Steve grumbled waving his cigarette around in Eddie’s direction. It was almost burned to the filter, and Eddie wondered if Steve was determined to enjoy every bit before Robin got here, or if he had just forgotten he was smoking it like usual.
“Failed date’s Harrington. Failed dates. I’m an accused murderer, at least I have an excuse for striking out. What’s your excuse?” God the light was taking forever to change, Eddie rubbed his hand along the raised bumps of his steering wheel, the action burning friction to the tips of his fingers, the warmth welcomed against the bitterness of the snow.
“I’m just not interested? I dunno, I just…” Steve trailed off, rubbing absentmindedly at his right arm. “Maybe I’m just caught up on something I can’t have, keep sabotaging myself before I’ve even gotten them out the front door.”
“You got your eye on someone?” Eddie asked. Steve had mentioned no one recently, he hadn’t even really tried to hit on any of the women that clearly were flirting with him when they came into the store.
“Is it someone I know?”
“He is yeah.” Steve said quietly, so quiet Eddie was sure he wasn’t supposed to hear it.
Steve made a fuss of stubbing out his cigarette, raising his hand to his mouth where he had ignited the filter and it had caught his skin. It was quick and Eddie almost missed it but Steve looked over to him as Eddie inhaled quickly, a warmth spreading through him he couldn’t quite put a finger on, even if that was where it had started.
“He?” he asked carefully, aware that how he handled this was going to make or break this strange friendship that both he and Steve had cultivated. He didn’t want Steve to think he was about to punch him in the face.
“He.” Steve said again, rubbing at his arm with a little more persistence. “But you know, small town Indiana. So the chance of him liking me back? It’s like the chances of something coming from Mars…so what? A million to one? So like…” He waved his hand about weakly. This wasn’t the time to point out that Steve had definitely been spending too much time with him and Dustin.
“So is he like… You know.. Your soulmate?” Eddie asked, wishing the light would hurry and change color so he could make himself concentrate on the road.
“I had a feeling he was. But it was sort of confirmed the other week. But who knows, maybe I’m just clutching at straws. I don’t think he knows, or if he does, he's said nothing.” Steve said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “Maybe he knows and just doesn't care, that’s always an option.”
That made something twist in Eddie’s stomach, he had been so sure that Steve, like himself, was destined not to find his soulmate. But knowing that he had found him, and they didn't want him back?
It was making Eddie’s insides knot with jealousy and rage and he didn’t like the taste of it on his tongue.
“Maybe he’s scared? Or maybe he’s just an idiot, or he just hasn’t released? I mean Maybe he’s not looking for a dude? Although I dunno, how anyone could spend five minutes with you and not love you Stevie. You just need to turn on that Harrington charm right?” Eddie asked as the lights finally changed color and he could drag his eyes away from the worried expression that was plastered on Steve’s face now.
“I've tried, he's oblivious.” Steve said weakly, he sounded so defeated it was making Eddie’s heart ache.
This was why Eddie had given up, he never wanted to sound that sad over something that was outside of his own control.
He chanced a glance in Steve’s direction; he was chewing on his finger now, red from the burn and now the irritation of Steve’s tongue and lips.
“It doesn’t bother you… that I’m…that I like…”
“That, you like dicks?” Eddie asked, almost unable to keep the nervous laughter out of his voice. He didn’t have a problem with it, it had just thrown him, he hadn’t expected it from ladies’ man Steve.
“Dunno never tried it. I was gonna say dudes, but you just gotta make it weird right?” Steve said with a depreciated laugh. Eddie couldn’t let that slide. Steve was a saint, he didn’t get to belittle himself, not on Eddie’s watch.
“King of the freaks, remember? It’s my job to be weird, it happens by default. Anyway, who am I to ever stop anyone from being the best version of themself? Plus, if you’re gay that means more women for me right?” Eddie said, focusing on trying to find the turnoff to Hoppers through the now dense falling snow.
“Not gay.” Steve said as he tapped him on the arm and pointed to the turn in the road that Eddie had almost missed.
“You just told me your soulmate is a dude and that you like dicks…. Sounds pretty gay to me Stevie.” Eddie reasoned as carefully turned onto the wood-lined drive to the Hoppers- Byers cabin.
“You know you can like both women and men right?” Steve asked quietly as he zipped his coat tighter at the sight of Hopper and Jane waiting for them with a pre-cut tree. “There’s a word for it, but we all know how bad I am with words. Robin will be able to tell you later, but yeah.. Whatever that is? That's me, so, I just…” Steve seemed to sink into himself more lost in the many folds of his oversized jacket.
Eddie said nothing as he parked up. Processing what Steve had just told him? Both? That creature that lived in him paced, trying to process this new knowledge. Eddie tried to soothe it, this wasn’t the time, he could look at that new information later when Steve wasn’t spilling his heart out to him in a snowstorm.
They were both about to get out when he reached over and grabbed Steve’s arm, warmth running through him when Steve didn’t pull away.
“Thankyou for telling me, you didn’t have to-”
“-But I wanted to.” Steve said with a weak smile as he stepped out into the building storm.
*********
Robin and Steve had fallen straight into that silent communication that Eddie still didn't get but reluctantly admitted was kind of cute in a twisted way.
He preferred no words better than the hushed conversations the two of them were having in the back seat, keeping voices low so the sound of the truck kept their secrets.
After their earlier conversation, he and Steve hadn’t really circled back around to the earth shattering revelation that Steve’s soulmate was a guy.
It felt like with this new knowledge about Steve, Eddie’s world view was changing.
To be fair, his world view had changed a lot since 86, that ladies’ man Steve also liked guys was really pretty far down on the list of life shattering revelations.
Yet Eddie was confused why the thought of it was giving him palpitations. The idea was sitting heavily in his chest and in his head and it was just as well he had to keep his eyes on the road because he knew if he didn’t he was likely to dwell on his new factoid and spiral down a rabbit hole he wasn’t sure he would get out of soon.
Every so often Eddie would glance at the two people in the back seat, covertly of course, the wonder of the rear-view mirror.
Steve was showing Robin something, his body twisted so that Eddie couldn’t make out what it was. He couldn't make out what they were saying with a quirk of the eyebrow and a knowing glance, no matter how good he had gotten at reading the expressions of the two weirdos behind him.
Was Steve telling Robin the thing that had confirmed to Steve that the person he thought was his soulmate was actually his soulmate?
Eddie turned the music up to give the two of them more privacy.
Steve would share his revelation with him when he was ready. If he was ever ready to.
As he turned towards Loch Nora, Eddie felt the mood change in the car.
That ache was back, it sat heavy in his chest, a longing for something he couldn’t have.
He couldn't work out why it snuck up on him like this, more and more when he least expected it.
When he glanced in the mirror again Steve was watching him. Robin curled into his side as she talked animatedly.
It was easy to see why people thought the two of them were a couple, joined at the hip, mirrors of each other in almost every way, now that Steve liked guys, that just added to the reflection.
“I heard dingus told you his good news?” Robin asked, leaning forward and resting herself between the two front chairs. It would annoy Eddie that one of them hadn’t just rode up front with him. But he knew the two of them had to fuze together as soon as possible when reunited, and it really wouldn’t have been safe for both of them to squash themselves into the front seat, at least not with the snow coming down like it was now.
“The whole, doubling his chances of absolutely foul balling his relationships?” Eddie asked as they passed the now entering Hawkins sign. “Yeah, he mentioned it.”
“And?”
“And what? I don’t have an issue with it if that’s what you're asking?”
“So you are cool with him being Bisexual-”
“That’s it Bisexual! How the hell did I not remember that?” Steve complained from the back seat.
“Doesn’t bother me what or who he sticks his dick in, or you know… the other way around.” Eddie had to really concentrate not to swerve the car as Robin smacked him in the arm. HARD.
In the back seat Steve yelped, Eddie figured Robin must have kicked him or something, but he couldn’t see past Robin in his rear-view mirror.
“Why are you both so revolting? Like seriously, what did I do to be stuck with the pair of you?”
“You love us both Bucks, don’t be giving us that.” Eddie reprimanded.
“God, you are like a bonded pair now. How am I supposed to prosper in this kind of environment?” Robin grumbled, throwing herself back into the back seat with a huff. “Why has the universe cursed me with two absolute numbskulls as best friends?”
“Hey! Less of the numbskulls.” Steve complained. “My dumbness is all the concussions. I’m sure you have plenty of opportunities to prosper at all the wild parties you go to. Not my fault you left me to spread your wild oats or whatever it is you get up to in that fancy school of yours.”
“You would know what I get up to if you ever ventured further than Indianapolis.” Robin sniped back. “But you two seem to have made roots here. When was the last time the two of you went over three days without seeing each other?”
“We work together Robs, I don't think that's fair…” Steve started arguing, but Eddie had turned his attention back to the road, the snow was coming down harder now, it gave him time to think about Robin's question.
When was the last time the two of them had spent more than three days apart?
Maybe when Wayne and Eddie had gone on that fishing trip?
Sometimes Eddie spent more time with Steve than he did with Wayne, and they still lived together.
Often when Steve's parents were away, Eddie would crash at Steve’s house, wherever they landed was where they slept. He had shared a bed with Steve Harrington more times than any other living being.
Hu? Now he thought about it, maybe he really was permanently in Steve’s space. He really had fallen into the gap that Robin had left behind that easily. Her old job, her place at Steve's side, her place in Steve's bed.
Eddie had never been like that with any of his other friends as far as he could remember. Maybe when he was little and Wayne had let him sleep over at Jeff's, but they had slept top to tail.
But the first time Steve had grunted at him to ‘just stay put man,’ when he had moved to get up and move himself to the guest room, Eddie hadn’t fought it, he had just settled back in and let Steve get comfortable against his side again.
Steve needed it. Eddie knew he wasn't sleeping well again. And after that first time it had just been a thing that happened. He hadn't questioned it .
Maybe Robin had a point.
Steve had become such an integral part of Eddie’s routine and he hadn’t even noticed it happening.
That led to the question: who was the mysterious man who had imprinted on Steve and left his mark? Because Eddie would have to be aware of them right? If they were always together it wasn’t like a stranger had walked in and whisked him off his feet.
The mysterious man of Steve's dreams itched like an irritation that Eddie couldn't quite reach, and when he looked in the rearview again, it didn’t surprise him to see Steve staring back at him.
**************
“Season’s greetings and salutations.” Eddie said as he darted into the kitchen to get the dustpan and brush to pick up the pine leaves trailing from the front door to the corner next to the fire.
Mr. Harrington looked every bit his son when he shook his head and the small smile creeped upon his face, it was a testament to how often Eddie was in the house that the older man hadn’t even questioned his presence in his humble abode.
Not that you could call the Harrington home humble, it was every bit the show home that Steve’s mom had intended it to be. Mrs. Harrington would have a conniption if she ever visited Wayne’s place, the only interior design magazine that had ever entered the place was being used to prop up the corner of the wonky coffee table.
Ironically, it was the one that featured Mrs. Harrington on page three with her newest grand design.
Perks of being married to an editor, Eddie supposed. But hey, if it stopped him losing his cereal to the floor in the morning it had its uses.
“I thought you were both on the close tonight?” Mr. Harrington asked as Eddie grabbed the cleaning things.
“We were.” He started, and the rest came out in a rush as he rummaged through the cupboard for cleaning stuff, but Richard Harrington seemed to keep up. “But you're leaving tonight and Steve wanted to see you before you left and we had to pick up Robin from the bus station, ‘cause her parents aren't back until ten. There was no way I was letting Steve try to drive the Beemer in this. And then I was roped into getting the tree from Hoppers with him, because that couldn’t have waited till tomorrow, and him and Robin have left a trail of destruction in their wake,” Eddie waved the brush around to show his intentions and the reason for his rush of words, “So you know, I’m left to tidy up that mess… and that’s why, if anyone from head office calls, the snow took the power out.”
Richard Harrington had a pleasant laugh, sweet like honey, another thing he shared with his son. That Eddie had noticed that made the twisting in his chest churn again.
He really needed to look at that a bit more. It couldn't be good.
“I take it that if I walk into my lounge I'm going to be bombarded with Christmas cheer?” He asked, the grin getting bigger.
“Alas, just a naked tree, apparently your grandchildren need to be present to festoon its mighty branches with glitter and gold.” Eddie said sagely. “And that I believe is my punishment tomorrow as I think I’ve displeased his lordship.”
“Ah, just as well Lenore stocked the candy and soda up for the festivities.” Richard said sagely as he sipped his coffee. Eddie knew what was coming next, it was Richard Harrington’s current new obsession. “Have you thought about writing that book yet?”
“Ah, Mr. H, you know I can't spell for shit…”
“And I keep telling you that's what one of my editors is for. Tell me you will at least think about it again over Christmas?” Richard asked, and oh great. There was that pleading look Steve used to get Eddie to do a lot of the heavy lifting. It wasn't as effective when it was blue eyes doing the requesting, it was easier to say no to Richard.
“I'll think about it.” Eddie said as the sound of Mrs. Harrington descending the stairs caused Richard to jump to his feet.
“Good, I just want Steve's-” he cut himself off looking sheepish. It was another one of Steve's traits that he shared with his dad, no brain to mouth filter, Steve was always putting his foot in his mouth, especially around the kids.
Still, Eddie really wanted to know what was at the end of that sentence.
“Steve's what?” Eddie asked just as Lenore Harrington joined them in the kitchen trailing a suitcase behind her that her husband was quick to take off her hands so he could ignore Eddie's question.
“Oh hello Eddie dear, did I hear Steve and Robin?” Lenore asked with a quick hug as she passed en route to the lounge, she didn’t wait for an answer as she sashayed past with an elegance that Steve had not inherited.
“Lenore’s mother is a bit of a drama queen,” Richard said as he followed Eddie and his brush to the hallway. “She’s been on the phone several times already tonight asking us to try to convince Steve and his lovely young lady to come with us.” he explained as Eddie swept up the fallen pine leaves.
“By young lady, I take it she means Robin?” Eddie asked as Richard added the case to the pile by the door.
“Yes. She’s rather old-fashioned Steven’s grandmother, I don’t think she really understands the dynamic between the two of them. She nearly had a heart attack when I moved her precious socialite daughter to Hawkins of all places.” Richard said with a little chuckle to himself. “I keep trying to convince her to come visit, she never does, I would love to see her face when she meets you.”
Eddie didn’t know how to take that, unsure if it was meant as an insult or a complement. Mr. Harrington didn’t seem to notice though as he followed Eddie as he swept the entire trail of pine needles away.
“Dad, are you trying to get Eddie to sign to your label again?” Steve asked as he broke free of his mother’s hug. Evidently the conversation had carried from the kitchen, either that or Steve’s mother was whispering in his ear again.
“Just looking after my future interests Steven. Eddie has talent and he would be an excellent addition to the Harrington family, or do the two of you really intend on spending the prime of your life negotiating late fees for someone else's business?”
“I’m happy if you are Eds?” Steve said as he gave his dad a quick hug, “Some of us aren’t built for jet setting around the world. Well, I’m sure, given half the chance Eddie would be off like a shot as long as it involved his guitar-,”
“I’d always have room for you as my glamorous assistant Stevie, you know this.” Eddie said as he brushed around the base of the tree where the worst of the needles had fallen.
“See what I mean? You can’t separate them, you know, a bit like freezer burned burgers or that weird black mold in the back of the fridge.” Robin piped up from her perch on the end of the sofa. “The longer I’m away, the more tragic their bond becomes.” She lamented, popping a marshmallow in her mouth and chewing it, never once dropping her menacing smile.
Lenore laughed as she pulled on her big winter coat. “Last chance to change your mind, you and Eddie are welcome to join us?”
“See, even you are treating them like a unit. I feel like I’ve been replaced. Have I been replaced, Steve?” Robin huffed as Steve dropped on the sofa next to her, he shot her with a loaded look, and Eddie suddenly felt like whatever conversation the two of them had been having in the car needed to be continued, possibly louder and possibly involving a fair bit of bitching.
Eddie was not stupid enough to get caught in the crossfire of that.
“As much as I appreciate the offer of getting out of dodge for the festive season, Wayne likes to have me about, and I feel like Mr. Harrington needs a few days off trying to wrangle his next big book deal.” Eddie said, handing the dustpan and brush to Steve to finish what Eddie had started.
“Speaking of Wayne, I should get home, I want to see him before he goes on to shift, so I better hit the road.”
Eddie couldn’t read the expression on Steve’s face, but he could tell that Robin was biting her lip to hold back whatever was on her mind. No doubt he was going to get sounded out as soon as he turned up at Steve’s tomorrow. There was no point in fighting the inevitable.
Eddie grabbed his coat and followed Mr. and Mrs. Harrington out to the cars, helping with the bags like the good little boy scout he was.
“Eddie?” Mr. Harrington asked just as he turned to jump back in his truck. Eddie spun on the spot, no matter how much he got on with the Harrington’s he was still deep down aware of the class divide. Permanently torn between needing to fight the hierarchy and knowing that there wasn’t a threat.
“Yeah, Mr. H?” Eddie asked as he pulled his coat tighter around himself.
Richard stepped closer, making sure that his wife couldn’t see him from the car.
“Can you keep an eye on Steve over the next few days? Something’s been up with him these last few weeks and he won’t tell me or his mother what it is.” He asked, and it made Eddie feel a little worried that Steve’s dad was coming to him out of all of his friends to watch him.
“I mean, Robin is back, she will get whatever it is out of him-” Eddie started, not wanting to share the secret that Steve had shared with him, not if Steve hadn’t shared it with his parents yet.
“But you know him best. Just, I don’t know, maybe he will tell you what’s wrong?” Richard said, gripping him on the shoulder and giving it a tight fatherly squeeze.
For the second time that night, Eddie felt like the rug was being pulled out from under him. First Steve telling him about his soulmate and now Richard Harrington saying that Eddie knew Steve best? Robin was right there, and when Steve’s soulmate finally made himself known the two of them would probably descend in the ranks. Although Eddie very much doubted that he would ever outrank Robin in that department.
“Yeah, alright, I will talk to him.” Eddie agreed, the feeling of being watched itched at him. His scar on his neck aching slightly with the cold. “You best get going if this snow gets worse they might ground the flight.”
“True, very true.” Richard said, moving his hand away, waving towards the house as he stepped back to the car. “Merry Christmas Eddie. Think about that book again please.” He said as he got in the car.
When the engine started Eddie moved away to get in his own truck, but not before looking back to the house to see who had been on the receiving end of the wave.
Steve stood in the window, backlit by the harsh overhead light, but it was clear to see he was watching Eddie, his hand resting against his neck.
They held eye contact for a moment before Steve waved and pulled the curtains shut.
Whatever that was about, Eddie would not look at it too hard right now.
Right now he needed to get home to Wayne, then later he could unpack the cluster fuck that had been the last twelve hours.
*************
Ever since Eddie had been old enough to fend for himself over Christmas, Wayne had taken the crap shifts over the holidays. The money was better, often double or triple time, and the two of them weren’t exactly in a place to say no to that back in the day. Now Wayne did the shifts so that the people with little kids could have it off, because that was just the sort of self sacrificing fool that the guy was. After all, Eddie had to get it from someone.
So Wayne had left him in the early hours of Christmas Eve, and Eddie had all the intentions in the world of getting himself to bed and maybe getting some much needed sleep.
Unfortunately, Eddie’s mind had other ideas.
He had finally nodded off just after 6am, his books and notebooks scattered around him as he went through all his notes on soulmates trying to itch that scratch in his brain that was triggered earlier by Steve in the car.
He couldn’t work out how Steve could have met his soulmate, not if he was close enough to them to have confirmed his suspicions in the last few weeks. He was pretty sure that was the strangeness that Mr. Harrington had noticed, and now Eddie was trying to work out if he had seen Steve acting weird around anyone they knew.
Eddie had run through every interaction that they'd had with people since thanksgiving. Maybe it was the new delivery driver? He was cute, if you were into the blond hair and blue eye’s thing. He had muscular arm’s and with all the lifting he did day in day out, and he looked like he was probably a jock in high school. Maybe that was Steve’s type?
What was Steve’s type, anyway? Now that Eddie was looking at it, he wasn’t even sure Steve had a type he jumped around between the Molly Ringwalds and the Sigourney Weaver of this world, but did that apply to guys too?
Was it Jeff? It was a possibility he supposed; they had hung out a bit recently, but Eddie was pretty sure that Jeff was head over ass for the girl that worked at the drive in.
Maybe it was the guy that worked the ticket booth at the drive in? The punk guy that got Eddie's heckles up every time he lent his slutty little waist up against the Beemer.
That would just be a crying shame, Steve lowering himself to the crushing on a punk.
He might have to rethink the whole friendship if Steve ended up being soulmates with someone whose musical taste revolved around only three chords.
The kicker though came when Eddie realized how much the whole thing was upsetting him. And the more he looked at it, the more he was realizing that he wasn't sure where the jealousy was coming from.
His knee jerk reaction had been that he was jealous that Steve had found his soulmate. But now?
Now he was questioning if it wasn't something more, if he wasn't jealous of the fact that Steve had feelings for another man and that man wasn't Eddie himself.
It was making Eddie question everything he knew about himself.
Because he couldn’t say he hadn't looked at other guys. He couldn't stand up and honestly say he hadn't seen photos of Ozzy and felt something more than an admiration for the man.
Did he have a crush on Ozzy Osborne? That would explain a few of the more questionable dreams.
So that opened up another question.
Did he have a crush on Steve?
It was certainly a possibility.
The two of them were constantly in each other's orbit, and they flirted like it was a second language that they were more than fluent in. Only now Eddie wasn’t sure that he hadn’t meant all the things he had been dishing out to Steve on the daily for the last few years.
If would explain the gut churning and the ache he was currently feeling at the thought of Steve having found his soulmate.
What had Robin called it? Bisexual.
Steve liked women and men, apparently that was a thing.
Was that a thing that could apply to Eddie?
He definitely liked women, that was a given, if he was to believe Steve he was getting the most action out of the two of them.
Although Eddie had hit a dry spell that was embarrassing even for a self confessed nerd like himself.
It had been at least nine months since he had to find excuses to sneak out of anyone's bed rather than face the awkward next day conversations.
He had been striking out lately, turning down dates when Steve asked him to hang out, Eddie was running over his last few dates in his head, had he been sabotaging them because they weren't Steve?
The more he looked at it the more likely it seemed.
Eddie knew he was spiraling. Knew if he could just sound out the busy thoughts in his head to someone, he might make them make sense. But the person he would normally run to was the source of his confusion and that left him nowhere to turn.
This definitely wasn't the thing that he and Wayne were finally having that big heart to heart over.
“Yeah Wayne, I think I'm in love with Steve.” even in his head it made him want to cringe and hide away.
Love ?
Oh fuck right off, it wasn't love.
It couldn't be love if he only just realized it was a viable option right ?
Only it wasn't, was it?
Steve had a soulmate. Eddie didn't.
It would be a match made to fail even if there was the smallest chance that Steve liked him back.
Maybe he should just keep his distance?
The idea of not seeing Steve made him ache in a way that he recognized now, it made him feel sick but now he understood what it meant.
And that made it a million times worse.
He had a joint and tried to make his brain stop for just a moment, and it must have worked.
The next thing he knew someone's car was grumbling to life outside in the street and sunlight was streaming through the window.
***********
His new resolution to stay away from Steve hadn't lasted long.
The snow had fallen again during his existential crisis last night and the world seemed merry and bright. Or as bright as it could be when all Eddie wanted for Christmas was an interdimensional rift to open under his feet and the demobats to go three for three on his earthly demise.
Steve had given them both the day off, perks of being the boss, and Eddie had expected to be one of the first to show up at the Harrington home to set about operation Christmas. Yet when he crunched up the driveway his own footprints got lost in the imprints left by the hoard that had evidently already descended. The kids having their own wheels these days was making him feel old .
He let himself in, Steve had left it unlocked to save him the hassle of having to keep getting up every person who pounded on the door.
Not that it would have mattered if the door was still locked. Eddie had a key.
That was another thing to add to his list of confusing things that had happened between him and Steve.
Steve had given him a key in the middle of the night when the nightmares got too bad. He could get in without waking the whole Harrington clan. If Steve rang him in a broken down state Eddie would drive over and let himself in, climb the stairs and hold Steve until he calmed.
Eddie didn't mind, more often than not he was in the same messed up state.
Trembling in the quiet of his and Wayne's new apartment, that would never feel like a home in the way the trailer had.
Steve's parents knew, they didn't seem phased by it.
Not in the way Eddie was sure they should when a guy who was once a wanted murderer wanders down from their son's bedroom first thing in the morning, sleep rumpled and looking for coffee.
It was all a little overfamiliar, and Eddie wasn’t sure how he was supposed to deal with someone else taking that place in Steve's life. Was this how Robin felt when she left for college? Because if it was Eddie understood the tears and the mini breakdown now. It was completely justified.
The absolute chaos he had expected greeted him as he crossed the threshold.
The kids had commandeered the job of dressing the tree. Max was yelling, bossing the boys about as was her God given right, and Will was trying and failing to get the others to decorate the back of the tree as well as the front.
It hung limply towards them threatening a topple under the weight of the many brightly colored baubles and static fairy lights, a pale comparison to the fluffy tree that Eddie and the four armed Steve-Robin beast had blundered through the door the night before.
Max looked just about ready to smack Lucas and Mike with her cane, just to get Will and her point across.
Jane sat on the sofa, a bastion of calm as her and Erica slid popcorn onto string making garlands, eating just as much as they threaded on the needle.
Apart from the ruckus, it made quite the sweet Christmas scene, even with the chaos unfolding.
The kids all had matching sweaters on, no doubt courtesy of Dustin’s mom. Eddie's hunch was confirmed when Robin walked up to him and dumped a neatly wrapped package in his arms.
“Claudia is trying to make this into a thing, and she scares me sooooooo….” Robin said, looking at the two bags of presents that Eddie had brought with him. He wished he had hung fire and left Steve and Robin's gifts in the car. Because Steve was right, he had bought him something pretty and now he was sure it was a stupid idea .
“You gotta be kidding me”
Steve's voice piped up from behind them, and now Eddie had the inkling, he knew exactly what that skip in his heart meant.
“Dustin, stop. You're going to pull the damn thing down, you already stripped the bottom two branches, and Eddie spent ages picking the needles up last night.”
Steve rushed past them both, carefully depositing the tray of hot chocolates on the coffee table as he passed. Erica and Jane wasted no time in grabbing the ones with the most marshmallows whilst the rest of the party were occupied.
Steve Reached out and secured the tree while the others removed some of the heavy ornaments that were causing it to buckle and bow.
“The children never listen.” Robin said sagely as she relieved Eddie of his bag and nudged the present in his hand, indicating he should probably open it.
Eddie was too distracted though, he couldn't stop looking at Steve. It was the first time he had seen him since he had come to terms with the recent development in his life and he was mentally kicking himself for not realizing what any of the obvious feelings he had for Steve had been before.
Eddie caught Steve’s eye, and something in Eddie's stomach swooped like he was about to plummet over the edge of a presapiss. Oh, he was done for.
He was definitely going to die old and alone, watching Steve happily live his life with another man.
If he had worked this out sooner would it have made any difference?
Probably not, Steve was his friend, he had zero romantic interest in Eddie.
Eddie just had to go making everything weird.
Evidently he had been staring too long, Robin dug him in the side again, glancing between Eddie and Steve and the strange staring contest that had started across the lounge.
‘Pathetic’ Robin muttered to herself, then aloud she said “Come on Munson, you're the only one not dressed in a Christmas monstrosity. Strip dude.”
“It's a good job I know you.” Eddie said, ripping the paper from the present and pulling out his own matching festive cheer. “I don't know if I like these bad habits you're learning at that fancy School of yours.”
“They teach me how to get oversized man-boys to do what I tell them.” She said, poking him in the side again with extra vigor.
She was vicious, for someone who's only recreational Sport was soccer, her upper body strength shouldn't be so good.
He quickly pulled his jacket off and yanked the black sweater he had been wearing over his head leaving him in just his faded and worn undershirt he hadn't intended for anyone else to bear witness too. From the sofa Max let off a loud wolf whistle, Eddie flipped her the bird, but he couldn't help glancing to see what Steve's reaction was. From beneath his flop of hair Steve's eyes were fixed on Eddie, and under his gaze Eddie felt himself starting to heat up.
“You've been defiling yourself with the devil's sacrament again?” Robin asked, grabbing his wrist. It shook him from whatever fleeting vision of possible interest he thought he had seen in Steve's eyes as Robin twisted his arm. She held on as she looked closer at his new tattoo. “Either Jeff is getting better with his little pricks, or you put on your big boy pants and went to a professional.”
“Ha ha hilarious.” Eddie said, trying to shake his arm free. “Me and Gareth went to Indi when he was back for Thanksgiving.”
“It's a bit morbid isn't it? Doubling down on the bats?”
“Robin, leave him alone. Come here and help me with this will you?” Steve shouted from across the room. But Robin was more interested in making fun of Eddie, after all she hadn’t seen him since she went away at the beginning of fall, she must be champing at the bit to bring him down a peg or two.
“You can just tell me it looks metal as hell if you like Bucks, you won’t lose any brownie points over it.” Eddie said, tugging his arm back.
“Never said it wasn’t cool, Munson. I just said it was morbid, I mean didn’t they technically kill you?”
“And technically Stevie boy brought me back to life, should I have tattooed a picture of the boy wonder on my arm? I could have gotten him in that nice little sailor outfit the two of you used to wear-” Robin punched him, hard in the shoulder. Her penchant for physical violence making itself known.
“Rob’s for fuck’ sake!” Steve piped up from behind them, as the tree crashed to the ground. The baubles scattering far and wide.
“Sorry! Sorry!” Robin said, rushing to help Steve get the Christmas tree back on its stand straight.
“What was all that about?” Dustin asked as he started scooping the ornaments from the rug, throwing them into the box they had come from.
“Nothing, tree was just too awkward to hold on my own and Robin abandoned me to beat up Eddie, instead of helping.” Steve grumbled, shooting Robin death glares.
Robin wasn’t showing any sort of remorse, holding the tree and watching as Eddie finally pulled on his Christmas sweater.
“None of you are fit to decorate this fine specimen, everyone knows you put the enormous balls near the bottom and you always decorate the ample behind.” Eddie said walking over and hooking a fat red bauble out of the fallen mess, he got close to Steve as he deliberately pressed close to get to the back of the tree, nudging Steve’s ass as he passed. God how had he not noticed just how loaded his flirting really had been getting.
“So, are you talking about personal experience then?” Steve asked, as Eddie hooked his ornament in place.
“Wouldn’t you like to know, big boy.” Eddie teased, surprised to see the tips of Steve’s ears flushing red. Was that a recent occurrence? Has that happened before? Eddie really hadn’t been looking, but now he was and it was something he was determined to investigate further.
Around them the kids had peeled off and were now diving into the hot chocolate that Steve had left on the table. He knew that their interest in actual manual labor would only last as long as it took for candy and chocolate to get involved.
Robin grabbed the discarded box of ornaments and divided her haul as the three of them worked quietly, Eddie acutely aware of every time his and Steve’s hands brushed his as they dressed the branches or maneuvered around the other.
Now Eddie was looking for it, it was surprising how often he and Steve casually touched. A hand to the bottom of his back, Steve leaning up tight against him the long line of his chest curving into Eddie’s back as he stretched to put the smaller ornaments towards the top of the tree.
Eddie was almost certain that Steve was lingering in his space more than normal, he could feel Robin watching them. It felt like he was under a microscope far worse than any time the kids had tried to trip him up and get the juicy details of his next campaign.
Every time he caught her looking he would be met with the smug ‘ I know something you don’t know’ look that she had learned from Erica and honed under Steve’s careful guidance.
“Have I got something on my face?” He asked as he hooked a small robin on the branch in front of her. “It’s rude to gawk you know, I might start getting the wrong sort of ideas about you Bucks,”
“I would rather gut myself and use the entrails to summon a demogorgon than look at you in any way that wasn’t just platonic you weirdo.” She straightened up the ornament, glancing over to where Steve had just stuck his head in one of the old Family Video shipping boxes to hunt out the remnants of last year's tinsel. “Which is more than I can say for you and Mr. Bubble butt.” She stage whispered as she lent into his space.
Eddie shot a glance over at the table where the kids had gathered, too busy fighting over the toppings for the Christmas cookies that Will had just gotten out of the oven, to pay much attention to what was happening over by the tree.
“Just because Steve… is … you know… doesn’t mean that he’s going to fawn about like a damsel in distress around any guy with a pulse.” Eddie chided under his breath.
“Never said he was. He might be a dingus, but he’s a dingus with standards. I wasn’t talking about him. I was on about you, what’s gotten into you tonight, you're normally a lot more covert when you’re scoping out the Harrington goods.” Robin goaded, “You can’t seriously think you're being subtle about it.”
Eddie tried to defend himself but he couldn’t exactly deny that he had just seconds before been staring at Steve’s ass in his stupid skin tight Levi, he opened his mouth to protest but nothing came out. He couldn't lie to Robin, she was too clever for subterfuge.
“It is a bubble butt, “ he settled on in lieu of finding a way to address her observations.
“That you can’t stay away from apparently. You don't have to say anything, but you know, if you need to talk about it, I don’t really share a brain with him you know?” Robin said quietly with a shrug.
“Thanks Robin,” he said earnestly.
“You looking for Narnia at the bottom of that box Steve?” Robin yelled suddenly, breaking whatever heartfelt moment the two of them were having.
“I can think of better ways to come out of the closet Robs’, ones that don't involve candy that tastes like perfume.” Steve said as he emerged from his quest, hands full of tinsel and fairy wire .He beckoned Dustin and Erica over to add it to the tree. No matter how much Steve liked to pretend he didn’t have favourites, Eddie knew better. They ignored him completely of course, too involved in debating who deserved the cookie that had come out of the oven looking comedically phallic shaped.
“Come on, let's deck this baby and then see if they have left us any cock cookies to decorate.” Eddie said, reaching out to grab a handful of shredded silver.
“Right after we dick the halls?” Steve asked as he tried to hide a bald patch with some of the silver and red tinsel.
“Well, you have to, right before you jingle balls, especially if you want a white christmas…” Eddie reasoned, taking extra joy in the way that Robin gagged before throwing a plastic baby Jesus at him.
Eddie watched as Steve and Robin started lobbying clumps of glitter at each other laughing and giggling like little kids, although they managed to avoid hitting the tree in their play fight thankfully, Eddie wasn't convinced he had it in him to decorate the thing again.
It made his heart happy to see Robin and Steve like this, screwing about and looking the fool with his best friend.
Could Eddie deal with it if this was all he got to have?
Maybe he was confusing friendship for love, after all Steve had made the same mistake when it came to Robin. Finding answers on a bathroom floor was all well and good but Eddie didn't think that would work the same between him and Steve.
Maybe he would be lucky. Maybe he would get to hold on to this. To feel like he was part of something good, even when Steve’s other half joined them. Eddie was sure more than ever that nobody could be On the receiving end of one of Steve's longing looks and not cave in at the first flutters eyelid , still he dreaded the day a forth wheel joined them.
He didn't have much time to wallow in his own self pitty, soon he had a face full of tinsel and he was drawn into the fray.
*******
It was getting dark when they finally got all the decorations in place, the kids had decided that now the complicated bit of untangling the mess off lights and cleaning up the deluge of pine needles was tackled by the ‘older kids’ (Eddie refused to let anyone call him an adult) they would all join in, fighting over who got to put the star on the top of the tree.
“Technically, it should be Steve, I mean it is his house.” Max reasoned, glaring at Dustin who was currently in possession of the shiny metal adornment. The man in question glared at her before handing it over to Steve.
“How generous.” Steve snarked, as he turned to the tree and reached up to tuck the star in its rightful place.
“Hey Steve?” Dustin asked.
“Okay, okay …I’ll let you turn the lights on,” Steve said exasperated.
“No, I mean yes I want to turn the lights on. But this isn’t about that. When did you get a tattoo?” Dustin asked, reaching out and grabbing Steve’s right arm, pushing the sleeve of his sweater up to look at the skin underneath.
You could hear a pin drop, Eddie didn’t think he had ever known the kids be this quiet ever, all eyes drawn to where Dustin was holding Steve’s arm out for inspection.
Silently someone turned on the fairy lights, giving everyone a clear view of the six highly stylized bats on the inside of his right arm.
That was when all hell broke loose.
“Right. Everyone just be quiet.” Robin yelled over the commotion. “Everyone out … not you Eddie.” she added, pushing him towards Steve.
“But presents…” someone complained, probably Dustin, Eddie didn't have it in him to look away from the damning evidence illuminated in reds and greens.
“The purple bag is all the kids’ presents from me,” Eddie said, not looking up. He knew all eyes were on him and Steve and for the first time ever he really didn't want to be the center of attention.
“Yeah, that one with a snowman on has mine in, dish them out between you.” Steve waved his hand in the general direction of the pile of gift bags on the sideboard.
Eddie traced the movement, yup that was definitely his tattoo etched on Steve's skin.
Fuck.
Eddie didn’t know what was happening around him other than Robin was ushering the kids out of the door as fast as humanly possible. He could hear Dustin huffing at being made to leave, but he also heard Robin threatening to expose his deepest darkest secrets if he didn't get a move on.
Any other time that would have piqued Eddie's curiosity, but right now he couldn't make sense of anything enough to form any coherent thought.
“Call me if you need me.” Robin yelled as she slammed the door behind her.
“Alright-” “Okay” Both of them shouted after her. To be fair, she could have been speaking to either of them, but Eddie had a feeling she meant both.
The house was calm now. The crackling sound of the old and lightly scratched Christmas record accompanying the popping of the logs on the fire.
It had been a long time since a silence between him and Steve had felt awkward, but Eddie wasn’t sure how to fill this one. It stretched, and he ached to fill it but his mind was racing, trying to patch together everything that had happened to him since spring break of ‘86. It was as if the tiny bit of string that had been holding the box of his realisation closed had just frayed and the box had split at the seams. Leaving him to wade through the deluge of information in a new light.
“So,” Eddie started eventually, when the quiet became too much.
“So,” Steve echoed back.
“Robin’s kind of right. It is a little morbid.” Eddie nodded at Steve’s arm, chancing a step forward to get a better look. It wasn’t ink under his skin, it was dark red, almost black, but fading at the edges.
It was fading at least, Eddie felt guilt building up, Steve had enough scars, he didn’t need more, no matter how temporary this blip on his skin was.
“Yeah, well, I was expecting it to have disappeared by now, but apparently you have a habit of sticking around.” Steve huffed.
It had been almost four weeks, and the bats on Steve’s arms looked like they were fresh. He looked like he wanted to say more, but bit his lip trying to hold back the words. He stepped back, pulling his sweater back down over his hands.
“Trust Dustin to be observant for the first time in his life.” He said, but his voice sounded distant, like he was on the verge of tears.
“If you want to leave, I wouldn’t blame you.” Steve said as he turned his attention to the tree, fiddling with one of the paper stars that hung on the nearest branch.
“Like I said yesterday, The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one.”
Eddie really wished that Steve would look at him. He might have hidden away the newest scar under the sleeves of his sweater, but Eddie could see the silver markings tracing round his neck as they flecked red and green in the shimmer of the Christmas lights.
He instinctively brought his hand up to his own neck, tracing his own scar, the way it twisted up into the the back of his hairline and up behind his ear. Steve’s was similar but just how similar?
They had both grown their hair out to hide the worst of it so it was well hidden but…
Curiosity got the better of him, reaching out he gently brushed the hair from behind Steve’s left ear, tracing the end of the scar his fingers swooped up behind and into Steve's hairline. An almost perfect copy of Eddie's second most dangerous wound.
Under his touch Steve froze, but his fingertips betrayed Steve’s heart. The pulse thrummed through his skin at a rapid rate, making Eddie’s heart want to chase and match the rhythm.
“You do know that quoting nerd shit at me is going to have the opposite of a negative effect on me right?” He asked, hoping that for once Steve would just see through his words.
“Stevie? Yesterday you said…” Eddie trailed off, yesterday Steve had said a lot of things.
Eddie had become overly very familiar with them all in the last twenty four hours.
But the shining factoids that were barreling around his mind at a billion miles a second, causing galaxy’s to implode and die as fast as they were born, were this:
Steve liked men.
Steve had found his soulmate.
Steve had feelings for his soulmate that he thought were not returned.
Eddie liked men.
Eddie may well have found his soulmate, right under his nose and in plain sight.
Eddie definitely had feelings for Steve, it was very much returned.
“I hadn’t… I didn’t…” Eddie was lost for words, a rare occurrence, normally he had way too many words and nothing to do with them. But finding the right ones here, so as not to screw this up, felt like he was pushing a boulder uphill and the landslide of destruction was fighting him every step of the way.
“Steve… in the car… you said he was oblivious. I… I… was oblivious.”
“Yeah well, surprise.” Steve said weakly, almost on the edge of tears. “I’m your soulmate, sorry it's not some metal chick with huge tits that loves all your nerd shit.” He tried to pull away from where Eddie held him, but a simple tug at the base of Steve’s hair stopped him in his tracks.
“You are perfectly nerdy, and you have fantastic boobies Harrington, You also happen to be several chapters ahead in this book we call life. You gotta let me catch up, I only found out I was allowed to like guys and girls yesterday. The old grey matter isn’t what it used to be. I’m processing a lot.”
Steve turned to look at him, pressing his cheek into Eddie’s open hand, Eddie’s fingers still tracing the twisting scar tissue. The move felt familiar, even if Eddie was sure they had never done this before, a calm settling through him like thick toffee in his veins.
“And do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Like guys as well?” Steve sounded so hopeful that Eddie was sure he wasn’t going to get shot down from a great height. Steve had Eddie’s marks all over him and Eddie had just been to stupid to see what was staring him in the face all this time.
Eddie wanted to see Steve smile again, catch that starlight from the tree sparkling in his eyes rather than in his tears.
“I like you Steve. And I like you a lot. But you're not just any guy are you? You’re you, and apparently the universe thinks I’m good enough to make you happy.”
“And you do Eds, nobody else has ever made me laugh so hard I want to puke. Or at least nobody ever made me laugh so much I split my stitches. Nobody else has stupidly dived head first into danger with a hero complexion just to put me first.” He shot Eddie a loaded look as if to say ‘ am I wrong?’ and Eddie couldn’t argue the facts. “Someone's gotta keep saving your life. If fate says it’s me, who am I to argue?” Steve said with a wet sniffle, yet the smile was starting to creep back on his face. Eddie carefully wiped away the tears that had dropped to Steve’s cheeks with the sleeve of his Christmas sweater.
“Fate could have clued me in a little bit sooner,” Eddie said, chancing a step closer to Steve, pushing Steve’s sleeve up and run his fingers over the bats, curling behind them he traced his fingers over the raised scar they both shared from luring away the demodog from Max’s hospital room. A shared sacrifice, a decision made together. Was that the point this had taken hold?
Just how long had the two of them been entwined like this?
As if reading Eddie’s mind Steve took his free hand and lifted it to Eddie’s neck pressing gently at the left of his adams apple.
“It was such a tiny nic, I don’t think you even noticed it, but the bottle was pretty sharp when you pressed it to my neck. I felt it then, the first spark of something, an adrenaline rush pulsing under my skin like electricity. Dad had tried to explain it to me before, but I wrote it off as a load of bullshit. But there you were, living proof that the shit dad pedals for a living was actually true. But you were so scared and so stressed that I don’t think you even registered the scar showing on your skin, let alone the elevated heart rate and the scar had faded by the time we jumped in the lake.”
“The boat house? That’s where the bond happened?”
“Yeah, and I thought you were such an asshole, it had to be some cosmic joke. A twisted mistake, that Eddie Munson was my soulmate. But then you dived into the lake after me, and you kept just knowing what I was thinking when we were in the Upside Down. It was like you knew exactly what I was going to say and do even when I wasn't sure myself. Then I couldn’t believe you would run into danger to keep Dustin safe. To keep me and the others safe, when you hardly knew us.” Steve said, inching his way more into Eddie’s space. “Only my stupid ass soulmate would go being a hero when he had been told in no uncertain terms not to do that. ‘Cause that’s exactly what I would have done too”
Realization dawned on Eddie like the sun coming out from behind the darkest of rain clouds. It had been Steve’s voice he had followed back from the brink of death.
“It was you, you called me back.”
“Yeah, well Dustin worships you dude. I couldn’t just let you go and die on me.”
“Oh, so you only saved me so you didn’t have to be a single father, I understand.”
“No you dipshit, I saved you cause you slipping away was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. And I’ve had several concussions and had part of my stomach sewn back together in a field hospital.”
“You say the most romantic things baby.” Eddie said with a grin, “Intestines are sexy.”
“You are so weird.” Steve said with a smile, his thumb stroking the length of Eddie’s matching scar.
“You’re the weird one that keeps saving me with your creepy soulmate powers, don’t go blaming-” Steve cut him off, shoving his hand over Eddie’s mouth and rolling his eyes with a sniff, the last of the tears now gone. It took everything in Eddie’s power not to lick his palm.
“And I would save you a million times more, because for some insane reason I’m extremely glad the fates decided you’re my other half, even if you are a feral racoon of a man.”
“Mmnsnatmuccun”
“What?” Steve asked, removing his hand.
“I said, I’m not a raccoon.” Eddie answered, letting himself be brave and pulling Steve towards him by his waist.
“I’ve seen you eat from the trash dude, definitely raccoon behaviour.” Steve said with a smirk. Letting himself be pulled in.
“It was one peanut butter cup, and the bin was brand new.” Eddie said in his defence, “Anyway I think that says more about you than it does me, I mean you’re the one who wants to kiss someone who ate something out of the trash.”
“Well you did say I was weird,” Steve reasoned as he lent in closer, “But you're right. I really want to kiss you Eddie, I have done for a long time.”
“Then we better make sure we aren't about to be invaded by little green men from Mars, ‘cause I really want to kiss you-” This time Steve cut him off with his lips. Eddie definitely liked it a lot better than the palm of his hand.
It was a sweet thing, tentative in a way Eddie hadn’t been expecting, but it felt different to every other kiss he’d had to date, the gentle thrum of belonging radiating from the soft press of Steve’s lips to his own.
Steve’s hands twist up into his hair, grounding him and deepening the kiss, pulling and pushing against each other until Eddie could taste the chocolate on Steve’s tongue and feel his body pressed hard against him.
It was all too much and not even a tiny bit enough.
All too soon Steve broke the kiss, his soft breath ghosting Eddie’s lips as he started to pull away.
“Nope, get back here.” Eddie muttered pitifully, pulling Steve back towards him. “Just so we're on the same page.If you look up the words oblivious, scared and idiot they all have my name next to them in the dictionary. Right under the entry that Robin has edited to deem me pathetic.”
“How would you know? You don’t know how to use a dictionary, that's why dad keeps telling you he will get you an editor.” Steve said with a chuckle, moving to pull Eddie closer.
“Don’t you start sweetheart.” Eddie softly scalded. “I can say no to your dad. But you start batting eyelashes at me and I’m done for.”
“He’s just looking out for you… for us.” Steve said bashfully. “He’s practically married us off already if you hadn’t guessed.”
Suddenly Mr. Harrington’s fumbling words made more sense, the insistence that he wanted to help Eddie in his writing career, the way he hadn’t battered an eyelid that first time Eddie had sauntered downstairs scars out in search of caffeine.
“How long has your dad known?” Eddie asked wearily, aware that he may well be the last person to have picked up on the glaringly obvious.
Steve itched at the scar on his neck, and now that Eddie knew they were connected, he could feel the ghost of it on his skin. Just how many nights had Steve been lying awake thinking of him, because the tingling was like a hug as it washed through him.
“Since you were in a coma the first time? ” Steve said sheepishly, “I swear other than Robin I didn’t mention it to anyone else… If you didn’t want me I didn’t want to become a pity case. Have you seen Dustin aim for sympathy? It’s like watching a muppet show real emotion, it makes me uncomfortable.”
“Of course you told Robin, I wouldn’t expect anything else, at least that explains why you got all weird whenever I brought up your soulmate” Eddie wasn’t sure how to process the fact that Mr. Harrington had known about this since 86 and had managed to keep his mouth shut about the whole thing since then.
“But Still. How did your dad know?”
Steve looked at Eddie dumbfounded, “Eddie, did you ever look to see who wrote the books you have been hoarding in your dragon cave? The ones about soulmates that you think nobody but you knows about?”
Eddie had not in fact looked, not even once, but now he was questioning if that was a major oversight on his behalf.
“Dad has been doing research and writing about Soulmates for the best part of twenty years now,” Steve said, pulling him in from the waist this time, taking the lead. “I was confused, because up until that point, I hadn’t really thought that my soulmate could be a man, let alone someone I thought was the very definition of straight. Turns out fate, just like my parents, doesn't really give a shit if I love another dude, just as long as it makes me happy.” Steve laughed. “And just so you know, him and Uncle Wayne have been plotting behind your back, I think I get you for like … two pigs and a packet of magic beans.”
“Wayne knows?”
“He has his suspicions.” Steve admitted. And yeah maybe Wayne did suspect something, his old man knew him better than he knew himself.
But now Eddie knew what he wanted, understood all the strange feelings in the pit of his stomach and the way his heart raced now was all down to the man who was holding him like he was something precious.
“Wayne knows to barter better than that, I’m worth at least three chickens, a pig and a cow, the only beanstalk I’ll be climbing at any point is you,” Eddie said with a flirty wink.
“Speedrunning the whole bisexual thing are we?” Steve gulped.
“I'm Stevesexual, If that isn’t a thing?” He asked, "I'm making it a thing.”
“I don’t think that’s how it works, baby.” Steve said , and that baby tugged at the part of his brain marked horny and flicked a few switches for good measure.
“Is it not in one of your dad’s books?”
“If it was, you would have found it by now.” Steve said as he lent in and stole another kiss. Eddie’s heart sped up, this was what he had been missing, this was the thing he had been searching for not knowing that he had already found it.
“Another disclaimer,” Eddie said when they broke apart. “I was in love with you before I found out you were my soulmate, so don't think this is all just because it's something I think the universe wants from me.”
“When have you ever done anything someone expected Eds,” Steve said with a dopey grin, “I can't even get you to follow a rota, let alone someone invisible forces master plan. Why did you think I was so scared you weren't going to like me back?”
“Well that's just crazy thinking, this time the universe didn't have to help, I think I'd have fallen for you no matter what Stevie,”
Steve’s hands started to wander, and somewhere in Eddie’s peripheral, he heard the record skip to the end of the last song, its gentle hiss accompanied by the soft but hungry sounds Steve was making in the back of his throat as he kissed him deeply.
“You got anywhere you need to be?” Steve asked as he came up for breath, “Or…”
Eddie smirked and tugged them towards the stairs.
“What about the presents?” Steve questioned as they passed the hallway table.
“It's not christmas day until tomorrow. You’re trinkets will wait until morning sweet prince,” Eddie said, ushering for Steve to ascend the steps after him.
“I thought whores would have their trinkets?” Steve asked.
“You can be both.” Eddie said, matching Steve's teasing tone. “Now if you wouldn't mind, I would like to assess just how many of our scars actually match.” He said with a loaded wink, acting a lot more confident than he actually felt. He was a showman after all.
“Merry Christmas to me?” Steve asked and he was honest to god blushing now, how had Eddie missed this for so long it was adorable.
“Merry Christmas to us both, baby, and here's to many more.” He said with a kiss as he pulled Steve into his room.
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kisakunt · 1 day ago
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megumi’s pissed— pissed with a big, capital p. he’s bothered a lot; irritated and agitated with people daily, no stranger to fingers curling into a fist either at his sides or to the top of someone’s head. but right now, in the cold of your room, he’s pissed.
“take this shit off.” he won’t dare lift his hands himself because if megumi is a man of anything it’s principle. you laugh— louder than a giggle but nonetheless muffled by your pursed lips— and shake your head.
“no can do, nutmeg.” and now he’s really mad.
“don’t call me that.” he’s itching, his normally protruding hair flattened, his palms clammy, his breathing shallow.
“c’mon, why are you so miserable all the time?” it’s a slow drawl, a whine that he has to force himself to ignore. “can’t you show a little joy? maybe even some jubilance? or dare you say it might kill you?”
your name comes out stern, calculated and pointed in a way he knows will get to you, and simply, he repeats himself.
“take this shit off.”
megumi fushiguro is not a big believer of tradition. he has never obsessed over a birthday— although he did buy you a singular cupcake and candle on yours— or stressed at the thought of marriage. he’s not big on anniversaries and he couldn’t care less about a baby shower or bachelor party, so naturally holiday’s mean nothing to him.
you on the other hand are, in his own words, a nutcase. you’d met him two weeks before the christmas prior and insisted you get each other small trinkets. on valentine’s day you gave everyone you knew a card, on easter you mastered the art of making your very own chocolate, on halloween you bought a costume that he refused to wear.
and now, here you are again; snow on the ground outside and a small, and frankly sad, tree in your room symbolizing not only the biggest day of your year but an absolutely grueling year of knowing you.
you sit in front of him, criss cross, with a goofy little grin on your face. he can’t help but think it’s utterly disgusting that that’s doing something for him. regardless though, he stands his ground.
“if you don’t take this off right now i’m not talking to you for a week.” you laugh for real this time, shaking your head with more energy than before.
“well we both know that’s a lie. i’d probably drop dead if you did that and then, overwhelmed by guilt, you’d turn into an even weirder and sadder old man.”
“i’m not old. take this shit off.” atop his head sat a truthfully horrific santa hat. it couldn’t have cost more than two dollars, assortment of dim led lights on the trim. he can’t help but think of how many little, lice ridden kids must have tried this on. but he still won’t budge.
“you know you can just take it off yourself, right?” he does know that— obviously— but again, he has beliefs. he has pride. it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact you’re looking at him like he’s heaven on earth or the matching hat smothering your own hair. it has nothing to do with you at all.
he shifts, leaning his body weight onto his left side as he presses his hands into the plush of your bed to lift himself up. he makes a little show of it, slow and meticulous as he barely raises himself.
it would be so easy to avoid this situation. it would be so simple to shake his head or yank the hat off or have stopped you from putting it there to begin with.
megumi���s pissed, but it’s not with you.
“i’m serious. it’d actually be nice to have a moment of quiet in my brain.” megumi is furious, livid and squirming in his own skin. he’s absolutely, unequivocally angry.
he’s angry because he can’t figure out why for the dear life of him there’s a tightly wrapped gift tucked in the bottom of his bag, or why he knows the nearly exact color hex of your eyes, or why he’s hummed— hummed— the song ‘war is over’ twice this week.
you grumble, butt hurt and annoyed now too, and you reach over as fast as you can and snatch it off of him.
“there,” and now megumi’s even more upset because that upset him and his head feels cold and empty now. “happy now?”
and before he can think, before he can be as calculated as he always is, it slips.
“no.” and in that moment something shifts. it’s both of you, just a little bit towards each other, it’s the tension that’s now (and always has been) in the air, it’s the way your hat slips a little to the side.
“well i just can’t win with you, can i?” the— his— hat lays loose between your fingers, your voice quieter than he thinks he’s ever heard it.
megumi wonders time to time if he’s a coward. he knows he’s strong, he knows he’s just in his opinions, he knows he fights. but sometimes he freezes and sometimes he panics and sometimes he can’t look you in the eye.
maybe it’s time for him to be brave. he leans into you, closer to you, breathing you all in and, brushing your fingers in the process, he takes it back from you.
suddenly it’s warm again. suddenly you’re matching again. suddenly he feels close to you again.
“there.” for once, it feels like christmas to megumi. “happy now?” and it feels like he’s got a gift in front of him.
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gabessquishytum · 2 days ago
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Every Santa has a Mrs. Claus, just two problems with that for Hob, Son of Santa -- 1. he's hardly been in the normal world to meet anyone....there was that one possibility when he got to attend college, but that seemed a non-starter because 2. Hob is most emphatically gay, and his potential "Mrs. Claus" was his glorious best MALE friend, Morpheus Atéleiotos.
Hob has never discussed, with his father....Santa.... , the whole "gay" and in love with his best friend, who he had to leave after their graduation from college, thing, and it's not that he thinks Santa, his father, would have a problem with Hob being gay, it's just a...complication,... that Hob has put off discussing. Not to mention how awkward it would have been to just bring up the whole Mrs. Claus situation to Morpheus. He would have had Hob committed.
And Morpheus, in Hob's opinion, would make have made an excellent "Mrs. Claus," not just as Hob's better half, but with all the creativity and care taking he would have been able to provide all the denizens of the magical North Pole. But Hob had to leave, disappeared really, and even if he could convince his father that a male Mrs. Claus was a great thing...... Morpheus probably doesn't want anything to do with Hob. Besides, Morpheus was a total catch, he had to have been snapped up by some more deserving person, than Hob!
Morpheus might miss his weirdly sheltered college best friend a lot as well; he might have even sent a wedding invitation (to a marriage that didn't last....but got him a slightly Christmas obsessed son) that got returned, and hoped that his friend would return to him...........Orpheus might have written Santa to get his dad a best friend for Christmas.
This is amazing - I am deeply invested in the idea of Hob being Santa. I don't know if everyone has seen the movie Arthur Christmas, but it's one of my favourites. I'm imagining Hob as rather like Arthur - super invested in Christmas traditions, but a little clumsy and niave. Which is why he obviously needs Morpheus as his Mrs Claus, because Morpheus is super sensible and grounded.
Hob comes across Orpheus's letter and because of Christmas Magic, he immediately knows that Orpheus's Dad is Morpheus! Hob’s heart breaks a bit, as Orpheus's letter outlines how he really would like a bike for Christmas, but he doesn't NEED one... so he's asking for a friend for his dad instead. It's more important.
Hob has a brilliant idea to disguise himself as a regular mall Santa and show up in Morpheus’s hometown - then they can coincidentally bump into each other and reignite their friendship! Hob would love to be more than a friend to Morpheus, if he's being honest. But at the moment, friendship is the most important thing.
Of course, Hob is Hob - so his clever plan to meet Morpheus again possibly goes through a few bumps and snags along the way... but Christmas Magic always pulls through in the end. And there might just be a convenient sprig of mistletoe to help Hob to finally get his Mrs Claus... Morpheus sure is in for a surprise!
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ink-stainedkiss · 3 days ago
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What about Saiki meeting a Reader who has pretty appearance like Teruhashi Kokomi, but has the average mindset and personality like Satou Hiroshi?
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You’re Nothing Special (AKA: Perfect)
- Kusuo Saiki
Synopsis: The new student is more than Saiki expected. You are completely ordinary. Nothing about you is different or odd and Saiki loves it. He has decided he must become your closest friend, all throughout a 3-step plan.
Guys I have noticed the favoritism towards this little psychic, which I completely understand. I guess I just thought people would like my Jjk works better, but I’ve been having so much fun with your request. Anyways, this is the first “series” of Saiki I’ve made and I hope you guys enjoy it! Part 2 is in the works as I type ;)
“Regular speaking.”
Regular thinking.
Saiki Thinking.
‘Saiki Speaking.’
Your texts
Saiki’s text
Warnings: None. Although Saiki does act tad bit obsessed about you.
Word Count: 1.8k
Pt.1 ᯓ★ Pt.2
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The school was buzzing with anticipation. Whispers flooded the hall of the new girl in school. They wondered if she would be popular or just another extra wandering the halls.
“I hope she’s hot.”
“I’m betting she’ll be a nerd.”
“She won’t be as pretty as me.”
“Maybe she’ll join the math club?”
“Shut up geek.”
Yes, the campus was very excited to see their new classmate. Except for a certain psychic. I really couldn’t care any less. And Saiki meant it. A new student meant another headache Saiki had to endure and it was wishful thinking to hope they didn’t create any sort of problem. As Saiki’s luck would have it, the new girl was moving into his own class.
“Buddy!” An overly loud voice shouted, making Saiki let out an audible sigh,”Have you heard about the new girl?” The big oaf, Nendo, slid his way to Saiki’s desk, carrying along Saiki’s other pain,”I heard that she’s quiet and shy, so I bet you when she gets a look at The Jet Black Wings, she’ll fall into my arms.” Or she’ll run and find the nearest psychologist.
Saiki was so tired of these two, but they clung to him even if he wasn't particularly kind to them. Although, they were both extremely out of the ordinary and they could make perfect distraction. It was as if a lightbulb had flicked on his head, ‘You should go for it.’ Kaidou and Nendo whipped their heads around, astonished by Saiki’s proposition.
“Woah, are you being serious?” Kaidou questioned,”I thought you would call me an idiot or something.” Nendo scratched his neck, a bit freaked out by his buddies' words,”I mean, if Saiki is saying that, then I would listen to him.” Like a flipped switch, Kaidous' unsureness washed away and he was standing confidently with his chest puffed out,”Yeah, I will. Thank you for your wise words, my closest friend.” Good grief. Now you’re just making it weird.
Kaidou marched back to his seat, leaving only Nendo to watch the blue-haired boy pridefully. He looked down, tossing a large thumbs up at the psychic,”You’re a great friend Saiki, I’m so proud.” A tear slipped from Nendo’s eye and Saiki truly couldn’t believe Nendo was a human who walked earth. As he walked to his seat, he slapped his hand on Saiki’s back, and while he could just teleport to the side to avoid his hand, the class was too crowded, so he miserably had to accept the pat.
Eventually the class settled down, everyone in their respective seats. As soon as the bell rang, the teacher clapped grabbing everyone’s attention,”I’m sure you have all heard of the new student,” this caused a small chatter to start, but the teacher continued anyways,”Well, lucky for you guys, she is moving into our class,” Moving towards the door, Saiki’s teacher motioned to it,”Come on in!”
A deafening silence fell over each student, everyone holding their breath as the girl began to walk in. Saiki couldn’t deny his own anticipation, but he was much more toned down. When you finally came into view, Saiki wanted to disappear, teleport out of the school, because there was no way you were going to bring anything good. You stood before the class and Saiki was the only one who could see the tiny golden ring of light embracing you. It wasn’t as blinding as his, or Teruhashi’s, but it was still there.
Those around him let out gasps, because, even if Saiki didn’t want to admit it, you were beautiful. Great. She’ll most likely join Teruhasi’s group or become her enemy. Either way, I want nothing to do with it. His classmates' thoughts made it worse, each of them annoying the psychic more and more.
She’s so hot, but not as much as my goddess.
I can already tell she’s going to love her knight, Jet Black Wings.
What time is lunch again?
“Why don’t you introduce yourself to everyone?” The teacher suggested. You nodded, stating your name,” Um, I hope we all get along,” This intrigued Saiki, just a bit, but his interest was caught nonetheless. The teacher let out an awkward laugh at your bland answer,”Why don’t you tell the class about why you moved here?”
You shrugged,”It’s nothing special, they just moved here because of my moms job and this school was a good option.” The teacher was obviously trying to get more information out of you,”Right and any fun facts about yourself?”
Taking your time, you conjured a few,”I have a pet cat at home and I like to bake.” The teacher's jaw dropped, how can she be so ordinary? They thought,”Do you have a favorite class? At least?” You nodded shortly,”Science is pretty fun.”
The class was so confused. You were so pretty, but so boring. On the other hand, Saiki was having a very good epiphany. There’s nothing weird about you. No odd fascination or addiction. You hadn’t moved to a different school for being a bad student. You don’t play make believe and you don’t seem dumb.
The teacher had dismissed you to your seat and it was then that Saiki realized what you were. You’re not anything special, you’re ordinary. Perfect. A while ago, Saiki had found someone like you, but sadly for him, Hiroshi thought Saiki was too odd to be friends. But you were going to be his redemption. Maybe today the universe was on his side, because you strolled up and sat right next to him. Maybe Saiki was going to enjoy school from now on.
The psychic had curated a three day plan on how to become your friend and at the most, your closest friend. Because of your normal introduction, no one spoke about you. The excitement from a few hours ago was gone. Whenever someone asked who hadn’t seen you yet, they waved them off, saying something like,”Don’t even worry about her, she’s like the boringest person here.”
And Saiki adored it. The more people ignored you, the more valuable you became. The word some would describe Saiki as at this time, is obsessed, but how could he not be? Everyday he wished for someone to come along that had no interesting traits about them and you were that person. So the next day, he began the first step to his plan. 1. Prove that Saiki can be kind.
Kind was a bit of a stretch, but he couldn’t be mean to you, even if he tried. He was going to have to play it friendly. The downside to you being normal, meant that nothing problematic happened in your life. So as Saiki sat next to you, waiting for a chance to show you his kindness, no opportunity came forward. You were just taking notes like a normal human. Which Saiki would usually gush over, but he had more important plans. He glanced at your desk, noticing the extra highlighter resting near your notebook. He knew you weren’t going to accidentally hit it, so he took matters into his own hands. Someone has to do it.
Saiki focused on your highlighter, using his telekinesis to pull it closer and closer to the edge of your desk, until it fell onto the floor. People turned their heads, but when they saw you, they didn’t seem to care and turned back. The psychic saw you turn and before you could reach down and pick it up, Saiki was already lifting it from the ground, handing it to you,”Oh, thank you.”
Your short and simple response almost made Saiki forget to answer you, ‘It’s not a problem.’ And that was it, you turned back to your work and left Saiki alone. Little did you know, you were putting that boy in a trance. You barely interacted with him and Saiki was starting to smile.
There was a tiny setback in Saiki’s plan, but he didn’t seem to notice. His first course of action was to prove he was a nice person, but he only spoke to you once, so you didn’t have a great impression of him, just that he had manners. Still, Saiki couldn’t see a problem and left you alone the rest of the day. Well, he searched for you in the halls and the cafeteria, but he would never mention that.
The next step was to grow in proximity together. Only sitting with you in one class wasn’t enough time to create a good friendship, so he had to use the resources around him. Like the new duo project assigned by the teacher.
“And Saiki you will be paired with the new girl.” The teacher called out, lifting the two slips of paper they had pulled out of a bowl. Okay, so Saiki may have used his hypnosis ability to make your name appear on the slip, but it’s all in good nature. How else am I supposed to get closer if you’re stuck with some idiot?
After hearing this, you turned to the boy next to you,”I guess we’re stuck together, huh, Saiki?” The psychic couldn’t believe it. You knew his name. You were speaking to him, making jokes, maybe he actually had a chance this time. He gave a soft smile, nodding, ‘I don’t mind it.’
The teacher kept going on about the partner and you turned to him, pulling out your phone,”Here, we can swap contacts to plan a get together.” It was music to Saiki’s ears and he happily accepted your suggestion. Once he put his name into the contact, the bell rang out, making the students around you two stand and exit the class. He passed you back your device, watching as you stood,”Well, see you later, Saiki.”
You gave him a small wave and faded into the crowd of students. My plan is going better than expected.
Saiki sat in the lunchroom, surrounded by his group of annoyances, but rather than spending his time listening to the exasperating conversations between Nendo and Kaidou, or over hearing the drooling thoughts of Teruhashi’s goons, his attention turned to his phone buzzing on the table. When he flipped it over, he was surprised to see your name in the notification. It was you. His food was abandoned quickly and he typed back.
Hey, do you have anything going on this weekend?
No I do not, would you like to study together at that time?
It’s like you read my mind lol
Saiki gave half of a smile. If only you knew.
Anyways, yeah that sounds good, does Saturday work for you
Any day works for me, so yes.
Okie dokie my mom already suggested for you to come to my house, so if it’s fine with you, I wouldn’t mind us working there.
Saiki’s smile grew bigger, this had to be a dream. You were inviting him over to your house.
It sounds perfect.
Great! I’ll see you tomorrow :)
Great indeed. It was a good thing Saiki had an extreme amount of patience, or else he might’ve asked to see you after school, but no. Good things come to those who wait. And this reward was most definitely going to be worth the wait. It might even be on the same level as coffee jelly.
Until Saturday…
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