#these ramblings might not be completely accurate but i digress

[terriblewomanyuri]

to elaborate: they are a pair who both want to help people, dorothy wants to help EVERYONE, while elena just wants to help dorothy. she does care about other people, but dorothy definitely holds a special place in her heart, whether or not its just because theyve needed to spend so much time together in the name of science.

so i could imagine elena feeling like she's not doing enough for dorothy if they ever enter a relationship, simply because they're lovers, but their life is barely changed from how it was before. so elena asks dorothy if she wants to have sex and dorothy takes this as a request. and, because she wants to do everything in her power to help other people, dorothy obliges. she might not feel personally aroused, but she knows she wants to help elena and she knows having sex would do that.

so, at some point, they begin to have sex and dorothy tries to take the lead. but elena is the one who's constantly providing for dorothy in her life, so she tells dorothy that she'll be taking the lead. dorothy lets her, because again she wants elena to feel good.

side note: i realize that i seem to be hcing dorothy as a sex neutral asexual. that just feels right to me. maybe she gets turned on by some stuff, but her kinks would be so arcane they wouldnt come up in anything elena is thinking of, at least at this point.

so anyways, elena is trying to have sex with dorothy but shes so focused on fulfilling the giving role that she ends up more worried about whether or not shes making dorothy feel good that she forgets to actually enjoy herself during sex. she's playing the role of the lover, not elena. eventually, dorothy says shes satisfied and they stop. of course, elena hadnt been enjoying herself and dorothy wasn't particularly excited by anything elena had been doing either, so they're both sweaty and aching (due to lack of exercise) and elena might even feel a bit hollow, because she didnt get reactions from dorothy that sex was supposed to elicit.

of course, dorothy would comfort her aftewards, shed be amazing at aftercare, but elena would just feel like its consolation. because dorothy is offering her completely unconditional love, when everything elena has known is conditional. approval from her parents is obviously conditional. approval from ferdinand was always conditional. astesia might be a source of unconditional approval and appreciation, but she is the measure against which their parents deemed elena failing.

so now elena is with a woman who she's providing for, who she's helping in her daily life because that woman couldn't seem to survive without her, who is offering her unconditional love. but she can't believe it's unconditional, because elena is offering her something, which she may believe is in return.

now, being with dorothy would probably help elena a LOT in the long term, but in the short term she'd have to unlearn a lot of stuff she'd taken for granted. i do hope she'd have a moment similar to the astrolabe where she realizes that she can take a much kinder path with dorothy, one they both want as dorothy and elena, not merely as lovers.

also elena's whole story is so incredibly transgender.

i love dorogenne a lot as a ship which is why i think it would have to be at least a little bit unhealthy for elena at the beginning.

[loiswasadevil]

Hi Lois, I wanted to share extra information regarding the co-creators of South Park. I have a very grey but not neutral opinion on the show, so I won't try to tell you what to think about this. Also this is quite long and rambly, so if you'd rather not read it, that's okay!

Matt Stone is Jewish, but his parents didn't really "raise him Jewish" (for lack of a better term) if i remember corrrectly, as they are both atheists (Stone is as well). He is still ethnically Jewish of course, and someone can correct me but he didn't know this until he was 16. He said he did read an awful lot about Judaism and Jewish people, and I don't think their portrayal of the Broflovski family is completely negative. In some respects the firmness by which Kyle defends his identity and family can be nice to see on TV. I digress.

Matt Stone has written a few episodes (or co-written), and he voice acts in almost every episode, but his role overall is largely ideation and helping his co-creator stay on task and see the episode through. He does the important business side of things, and often the ideas that go into the shows are taken from him or are whatever made himself and Trey Parker laugh.

Trey is his co-creator and is not Jewish. He is the one responsible for a lot of the writing past the ideation stage and beyond making sure the plot tracks/things make sense. I feel like it just isn't 100% accurate to say Matt largely spearheaded the show, when the show is moreso about his dynamic with Trey, where Trey is the one with basically full creative control, only (or mostly) answering to Matt's second opinion. Matt defers to Comedy Central in Trey's stead as well, which is still a lot of work but mostly to keep Trey's work in tact.

Since I did go over what is known about Matt's experience being Jewish, I can cover (what I know regarding) Trey's experiences regarding Judaism. He grew up in a largely white, largely Catholic (or just Christian) town. He talked about how there was only one Jewish family in his choir or something? And how bad he felt for the 1 Jewish girl who had to go up and sing Hannukah songs after everyone was done singing Christmas carols. This might seem inconsequential but he chose to say this, though it must have been a bit ago when he was in his 20s so the memory was fresher. As far as I know, he hasn't said a lot else about it.

I think it might have been actually Matt who said this, but either way, one of them also had witnessed physical assault on Jewish peers at their school (I'm leaning toward Matt being the one who said this just because I think Trey just talked about hwo he felt sympathy for the girl in choir being the odd one out).

I will also say in terms of their partnership, Matt is viewed more as the one who has a dark sense of humor while Trey is considered to be the one with "heart." A lot of South Park overall is just the two of them making them laugh, and sometimes especially recently Trey will play off of "whatever Matt is pissed about today" for episode plots, and sometimes episodes feel like the A plot is Trey's idea while the B plot is Matt's, or vice versa... but regardless, Matt isn't the one writing the episodes (and he only co-wrote beforehand). That isn't to say either of them are genuinely anti-semitic, racist, misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic... but that isn't to say they aren't actually those things either.

I don't know what they currently think and i can't fully know what they were thinking when they said those things in interviews and whatever else. But we can still look at what is in the show and how people respond to its content, because REGARDLESS of Stone's involvement, if he does more or less in the development process, the show still had an effect on people that many would consider to be negative. I guess the question is how much do Jewish people need to be involved in a creative work for it to be "okay"? Does Matt Stone's involvement absolve South Park of being anti-Semitic or perpetuating anti-Semitism at all?

Anyway Lois, sorry for the long ask! Feel free to delete, I just used to be obsessed with South Park for years so I wanted to share what I knew. Let me know what you think!! I love your blog 🩷

Sorry I dont care about South Park so I didn't read this

[nathanknowsitall]

Jealous

Summary: You were going to tell Tom today that you had a crush on him, but he went to the club with the boys instead.

Notes: This is dedicated to people who can’t help but be a little jealous sometimes. It gets to the best of us. <3

For some odd reason, you had decided that today was going to be the day you told Tom that you liked him. Or, more accurately, that you had always found him attractive, always wanted to always be around him, and are in love with him. But that didn’t happen.

When you went over to Tom’s house that afternoon, he had been mid-conference call, so you had made yourself comfortable on the couch and decided to watch something on his big TV, trying to distract yourself from what you were going to tell him and all the doubts you had spinning around in your mind.

A couple episodes in, Tom came out dressed in a tight black shirt and some jeans that fit him in all the right places. You tried to ignore the sudden heat that came into your cheeks as Tom raised his brow at you while you squirmed.

“You know, if you’re warm you can turn the A/C up darling? No need to suffer when you’ve got Spider-Man money”, he said with a wink as he went to turn the A/C up, while you rolled your eyes as you tried to compose yourself.

“What are you all dressed up for?”, you asked instead of trying to come up with a witty retort. 

“Me and the boys are going out clubbing tonight actually...trying to cure the dry spell if you know what I mean...”, he said winking again and sticking his tongue out, pretending to be a proper fuckboy as you laughed and tried to ignore the jealousy in the pit of your stomach. 

Tom then turned and looked at you, as if he was really checking you out. 

“You’re dressed up nice, are you going somewhere? On a date or something? Someone from Tinder? No...Bumble?”, he teased as you tried to ignore the way your throat dried up. 

I was hoping I would be going on a date with you, you div, you thought as you looked down at the outfit you had picked out with him in mind. A casual dress with some heels. 

It’s fine, I could do this tomorrow? Or the day after that? Or never?

“No, no, just...I don’t know? Felt like it, I guess?”, you shrugged as Tom looked at you curiously. He looked as if he wanted to ask you more, but then there was banging at the door, probably the boys. 

“Hey!”, the boys yelled as they barged into Tom’s home.

“Hey pretty girl!”, Harrison said as he hugged you, pulling you close. He knew that Tom hated when he flirted or got close with you, but he loved teasing Tom when he got jealous. 

“I didn’t get to tell him”, you whispered sadly into Harrison’s shoulder. Harrison was one of the only people you had told about your apparently “very obvious crush” on Tom and had been a really helpful part of your plan to tell Tom that you loved him. Well, failed plan.

“Well, if Tom doesn’t see what a dream girl you are, I think I might snatch you up!”, he teased. You felt your mood lighten slightly as you both giggled.

You greeted the rest of the boys with hugs and they all made a point of complimenting you on how nice you looked just to see Tom get jealous.

“That dress fits you so good, Y/N! You should wear more of them!”

“You look so gorgeous, I still can’t believe you’re single!”

“Maybe you guys should go, I’ll just stay here and snuggle with Y/N...”

“That’s enough of you lot for tonight!”, Tom said, obviously pissed, as the rest of the boys giggled at the outburst. You turned your head, eyebrow raised at Tom, as his face turned into one of panic. I just exposed myself!, Tom thought as he tried to recover from what he said.

“Do you want to go out with us tonight, Y/N?”, Tom said softly, coming to hold your hands in his. 

You felt so many emotions in that moment. Your heart was beating so fast as you tried to process what he had just asked you. Your heart hurt so bad from not being able to tell him that you liked him. You were so confused about his sudden outburst. You definitely did not want to see him getting all gooey-eyed over someone else. 

“I think I’ll stay here, if that’s alright with you?”, you said as you resolved yourself to watching romcoms on Netflix and trying to recover from the fatal emotional blow that was today.

“But, baby-no-Y/N”, Tom rambled while you looked at him confused.

“Baby?”, you questioned as the boys looked between you two with wide eyes.

“No, no, I meant Y/N! Y/N, are you sure?”, Tom said with big puppy dog eyes. You rolled your eyes in fake bashfulness.

“No, I’m fine, I had a hard day I want to stay here.”

“Okay then...make yourself comfortable and we’ll get going”, Tom hesitantly.

“Okay, bye! Have fun!”, You said as you put on something on Netflix while they headed out the door. 

                                                              -

“Tom, why are you so sad? You’ve been sad ever since we left the house mate, what’s going on?”, Harrison said as he sat down next to Tom in the booth the boys had decided to occupy for tonight. 

Tom just shook his head, “Nothing...nothing at all.”

“Well you don’t have to lie so blatantly if you’re going to bother lying to me. I know it’s about Y/N.”

“What about Y/N?”, Tom said, faking naivety. 

“I’m asking the questions here Tom. Why are you not enjoying yourself right now?”.

“I don’t know...I kind of just want to go home.”

“To be with Y/N?”.

“No, it’s just not fun here.”

“Oh really? ‘Cause it sure seems like they’re having fun over there”, Harrison said as he nudged his head over where Harry and Tuwaine were dancing with people and seeming to have the time of their life. Tom giggled as he took another sip of his beer, avoiding Harrison. 

“So?”, Harrison questioned.

“So...what?”, Tom shot back. 

“Are you going home or?”.

“Why would I go home mate? You’re being ridiculous Harrison. I came here to have fun, so let’s have fun!”, Tom said with false enthusiasm.

“No, you’re going home right now and I’m driving you”, Harrison said as he practically dragged Tom out of the club and into the parking lot.

“Mate, what are you doing?”, Tom exclaimed as he got his hand loose.

“I have a secret to tell you and I can only tell it to you if you get in the car.”

“Are you serious Harrison?”

“I’m dead serious. Get in the car.”

“Okay, fine, but I did it because I’m nosy”, Tom says as he gets in the car.

“Whatever you need to say...”, Harrison said as he started the car and started driving. After a couple of minutes of silence, they came to a petrol station and Harrison stopped.

“What?”, Tom says, thinking that his best mate just went absolutely bonkers.

“What?”, Harrison said nonchalantly as he turns off the car. 

“What is going on? What are you going to tell me? Why are we outside of a petrol station? I’m dying here, man.”

“Well...I’ll only tell you if you promise not to tell Y/N”, Harrison said as he held out his pinky.

“Okay...”, Tom said as he offered his pinky and promised.

“Okay, now that’s settled...Y/N is in love with you. Absolutely, completely, and totally head over heels for your ass. I feel sorry for her because you’re so oblivious, but I digress. She was going to tell you that tonight but then that got messed up by...I guess the boys, including me and-I’m sorry but how did you not notice it before? It was so obvious?”, Harrison said very seriously with frustration as if the answer was so obvious. 

Tom had absolutely paid no attention since Harrison said Y/N was in love with him. His crush since forever ago liked him back? The person he always dreamed of but thought he could never have liked him back? Y/N loved him?

“Tom! You div!”, Harrison said as he snapped in front of Tom’s face, startling Tom. Tom looked at Harrison with the most vulnerable, weak face, ever.

“Really?”, Tom said with excitement and nerves in his voice.

“Yes, really Tom! Now go into that petrol station and buy Y/N snacks so you can go home and spend your night watching movies and having the time of your life with them!”, Harrison said as he practically shoved Tom out of the car. 

                                                             -

You heard keys started to jangle and the door open and you ran to go hide in the kitchen, knowing that it was probably the boys coming back with their one night stands. You went looking for something to eat but you still felt jealousy still in the back of your mind knowing that Tom will never want you in the same way.

“Darling, why do you look so sad?”, Tom said as he stood looking at you from the doorway of the kitchen.

“Tom what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be out partying? Where are the boys?”, you said as you tried to wipe the tears away.

“Well, I decided that I’d much rather be here with you, that’s all. And I got us some snacks”, Tom said as he held up the grocery bag he had before putting it on the counter, “But I want to know why you’re crying, love”.

You bit your lip for a second before you decided to just go for it.

“Tom, I felt jealous thinking that you were going to sleep with someone when I’d much rather have you here with me. I always want you in my life and I just want us to be together. I love you so much and I absolutely understand if you don’t feel the same way. I won’t be mad at-”, you stopped as you realized that Tom was standing extremely close. 

“Do you really mean all of that?”, Tom said earnestly as he looked between your eyes and your lips over and over again, while you did the exact same. 

“Yes.” 

With a simple word, he kissed you and you felt all of the jealousy melt away. 

[my-whumpy-little-heart]

Tumblr was fighting me on the reblog, so I just made a new post. Thank you so much to @spookyboywhump for tagging me in that picrew chain; I went a little overboard and had a lot of fun!

In order, these are Percival, Floyd, Llyr, Hugh, Ray, and Mabel all from my pirate universe. I’m going to go into a bit more detail under a cut because of course I am, you guys know me, so open that up if you want some excited appearance rambles!

Oh hello, welcome to the forbidden Keep Reading land! Glad to have you here. Just gonna do this list style before I start going wild with transitions or something dumb like that.

Percival - Ah, it’s been ages since we’ve seen this man, hasn’t it? If you’ve been around for a good long while, you might remember me doing a drawing of him and Floyd a while back, and details on both of their appearances have definitely shifted since then. This picrew is more accurate, especially in the hairstyle. The color should be warmer and have streaks of blond in it, but otherwise it definitely looks like him to me.

Some more details to note is that no picrew will ever get his eyes right. They should be lighter and lean a little more towards orange with yellow highlights that are especially prominent when he’s using magic. I’m not sure if he has his nose pierced in canon, but he does have his ears pierced and oh yeah those snake earrings were definitely used because of his reputation as The Serpent. And I love snakes a completely normal amount but that’s totally irrelevant definitely not a driving force what?

(fun side note: i was gonna give him the lemon background because he is a sucker for anything acidic and strong, hence his really weird obsession with vinegar that is the only thing he wants to tell  me about himself most days, but then this one looked really pretty so I kept it)

Floyd - We just saw him again if you’ve been keeping up with the Llyr and the Pirates storyline, though this picrew is based more off of his starring role and captivity in Persistence. He doesn’t have piercings in anything we’ve seen so far, but he will canonically get them at some point :D

Other than that, everything’s pretty straightforward. He’s got his collar from Percival, which is technically a more brownish leather and just a little thicker than that, and his eye color should be a little lighter, leaning towards blue-green. Oh, and I gave him a pass on my attempts at kinda realistic clothing because I thought that Floyd would absolutely love this shirt. A shame he isn’t in our time really... I think he would love a lot of funky patterns and stuff in modern fashion. aNYWAYS-

Llyr - My sealy son! I’ve really gotta see if there’s a seal picrew I could use to design his other form lol. But here’s what he’s meant to look like! I think this hairstyle was meant to be used as braids or dreadlocks, but it was the only messy looking one I could find. Because ever since Llyr turned human, his hair has been awfully maintained, and by that I mean Not At All it’s so tangled you couldn’t even pull a brush through it without a good amount of effort. But all the colors are correct here!

If I could very quickly point you in the direction of his cloak, that’s the closest I could get to the way he wears his seal skin when it’s not being taken away from him (*glares at the Offending Individual(s)*). He isn’t wearing a shirt under it because clothes are still super weird feeling to him, and he’d rather go with the bare minimum than feel fabric moving around and clinging to him all day. And he’s being assertive and indignant, because Of Course He Is.

Hugh - Aha, a design! A design for the largely descriptionless bastard man! The hair is pretty accurate for how he wears it currently, though he definitely prefers it shorter than that so it isn’t curling into his face all the time. The color should be darker, closer to a traditional brunette tone, and this picrew is so invalid only because I couldn’t give him the beard that was the only thing I pictured for so long. Hugh has a full chin beard that he also keeps fairly short, but he isn’t able to grow too much of a mustache so that stays as stubble on his upper lip. 

As for physique, he’s definitely a lot more muscley than this picrew allowed him to be. The outfit he has on is definitely close to something he got his first night on Gawain’s ship, though a little more tight fitting than it is in reality. Otherwise, I don’t have too much to say on him! Smarmy grin and half lidded eyes is his signature expression for harassing people, but those eyes open up to look a little more friendly most other times.

Ray - Ahhh my sunshine child, always trying his best! *stares at both of my story wips with him* He’s completely fine, both physically and emotionally! But I digress. Here’s Ray on a classic, happy day! This picrew did such a good job with his hair. Wavy, ending just above his shoulders, and sometimes tied up in a ponytail or bun. This honestly looks so accurate to him and I love it.

A note on his coat that also extends to Percival, this choice isn’t super accurate to his coat? Percival’s should be dark red/magenta and Ray’s should be more of a navy blue/green, and both of them should be more tailored, but these were the closest I could get them. My captains really like their fun coats (except Gawain. He likes to stick to protocol uniforms, which in the Law Abiding Business does not include a fun coat)

Mabel - Last, but certainly not least! Mabel is fantastic and this picrew fits her very very well. That shirt is definitely made of some softer flannel-ish material and she wears it on windier or brisker days. Those stripey shirts are some of her favorite patterns aside from No Pattern. 

Oh and her hair I really had a blast making here. It wasn’t working out at first because there aren’t a whole lot of options, but I thought to have her put it up and then include that little braid bit and with some curly bangs and little loose bits on the side it really came together! Yellow looked cute with her and I didn’t want the beautiful fruit backgrounds to go to waste, so I gave her some lemons because why not. 

Ah and one last note. The only reason y’all aren’t getting a Gawain picrew as well is because 1) even numbers,,,, good,,,,, and actually because 2) he looked absolutely cursed in this picrew and it didn’t represent him quite as well as I’d like. Maybe I’ll doodle him out sometime so you guys can see what he looks like....

Sooo.... yeah.... that was certainly. A Ramble. If you’re still here, I’m so very sorry. I’m going to go get something to eat now. Ah, and everyone I would have tagged has already taken care of this since I took all day, so anyone can go ahead if they’d like.

[liawake]

Writing Life Day 129: Finishing Up

Day 129:

Hey, what's going on everyone.

I hope your week has been great thus far, and we only have the remainder of the day left. We get through this together at the very least, and to those of you almost done your day or close to it, well you're just the lucky ones out of all of us eh. Anyways since you're already here, why not let me kill a few minutes of your day by rambling on about my week, and the things that I got myself involved.

Before we jump into the story side of things though, and I know you might not care since the title of the blog is Writing Life, but I finished my wedding photography class on Wednesday this week. Now the question I guess is what do I do with the stuff I learned and is it worth pursuing and blending it with my writing. I think so, but I can't help be a little bit hesitant since it is a big step moving forward. That's something that I'll be working on, on the side and if anything comes of it, it'll probably be mentioned here since in some way it'll likely cross paths with my writing. Anyways I digress and let's get into this Friday's recap.

Goal 1: Novel In Progress - So basically the title of this goal isn't accurate anymore since the Novel that I was working on is no longer in progress. It's completed just like I had hoped and mentioned on the Monday recap. Let me give you the run down; basically, the story topped out at 212 pages before being edited, or formatted so I have high hopes that number will likely increase a fair bit. It's just over 110k words. So editing will slowly be taking place on in the next couple of weeks. As always when it gets posted to Amazon, it'll be the usual $0.99 in Canadian so it definitely won't break your wallet. Also, I'm looking at creating a launch team for the new book, so if you're interested in Adventure / Romance stories, and maybe want an early copy. Let me know, and I'll keep you in mind.

Goal 2: Advertising - So as always I'm here to promote my two current stories; The Thirty Pound Backpack & Blind Beauty and soon there'll be more to add to that list. That being said there'll be a separate post as well for this, but there's currently a free promotion going for Blind Beauty so it's definitely worth it if you like romance novel's all I ask in return is if you could please leave a review it would mean the world to me.

Goal 3: Random Stuff - So since I finished up my current project yesterday, and I have some odd little things to do, I'm not really sure what I'll be focusing on for the rest of the day, and I very well might just be doing some proofreading. Then depending on how long that takes, maybe I'll figure out something a little more concrete by noon hopefully, even if it's just some spring cleaning.

Anyways that's pretty much I got for today, and hopefully, if you're reading this, I was able to kill some of your time before the weekend. When it comes to the weekend though, like goal number three, I'm not sure what my plan is. If I can get all the proofing done, I might start on a new story, but if not I'll probably just be editing until then. Again I guess we'll see.

Alright, so anyways again I hope I was able to kill some of your day and if you're genuinely curious about my writing life, I'll be back on Monday with a new update. Till then though remember that tomorrow's a different day, and anything could happen.

See you next time everyone,

- Li. A. Wake

Blogger Link: https://liawake.blogspot.ca/

[diamondsableye]

The Ivory Parasite

The Ivory Parasite

       It's kinda funny how your viewpoint on anything really can be completely shattered within a day, hell, usually it happens in a matter of minutes for most.  Like the time you caught your parents putting presents under a beautifully decorated tree (probably adorned with ornaments yourself) on a chilly Christmas Eve. Or maybe when you lost one of your teeth and didn't tell your parents out of forgetfulness and woke up to the sight of its shiny, pearly color still resting under your pillow.  If you never had any of those wondrous experiences, you are either in denial, or you had no childhood.  Sorry, I'm rambling, aren't I?  Well, the fact of the matter is that I am dying as we speak.  (or type for that matter)   I should probably specify and say that I am dying as the result of becoming a host to a devilishly malicious parasite.  It's almost comical how I thought just a few hours ago that the only real harmful parasites you could get in the modern world were maybe tapeworms, but even then they're easily dealt with and even easier to prevent.  I think I've droned on enough and should probably start explaining how this mess even started. I'm not sure how long the Incubation period lasts, but if this thing takes control of my brain first, then I'm going to speed things along.

   To start off, I should probably give the setting where all this started, which is around the southeastern area of the U.S.  I'm not going to give my precise location in case some idiot tries to be the hero and save me.  Please don't look, really.  I don't know If you can stop whatever is afflicting me once it fully takes hold, and the fewer people I come in contact with, the better.  Anyways I'd advise you not to go out at night, actually, venturing into any dark and moist environment is probably a bad idea as well.  (as you can see, I learned that the hard way.) Lock your windows and doors too, hell carry cyanide around with you too, just anything you can think of to keep yourself safe from this damn parasite!  But I digress, I at least want to get the story of my encounter out there, so you know what to expect, or something like that.

   It all began last night, a particularly humid night for that matter.  I was dealing with lots of stress, from social events to finals and the end of school, and even a few existential crises here and there.  (I have never been sure of my life or anything for that matter.)  So I ventured outside to get some environmental therapy.  I was living in a cheap apartment at the time, (One not even suited for roaches if I might add.) so I threw on some old sweatpants and a hoodie, before deciding to take an Uber out to the local park.  My car at the time was my parent's 'hand me down' and frequently had to go in for maintenance.  I can't get another car that's at least decent for not finding a high paying job fast enough.  (Then again, what kind of high paying job can I really get with an arts degree anyways that doesn't require a minimum of ten years experience?)  I'm getting sidetracked, the point is I was out there alone without any quick way to get back to my small flat.  That didn't really register with me however because I was already in the midst of a full blown panic attack and even the few sentences spoken between me and my driver was enough social interaction for weeks in my troubled mind.

   For a moment I realized that the park was less occupied than usual, but I reasoned with what little sanity I had left, that there were fewer people at night, and I usually strolled through the park grounds during the day.   Using the flashlight on my phone, I decided to take my usual route through the deer trail that I had discovered a few years back, during one of my first few trips here. I should probably mention that I have high functioning autism and some various other mental issues that typically come along with it, like ADHD and anxiety.  My old psychologist that had done social therapy sessions with me during my teenage years recommended that I try nature walks as a form of stress control. So ever since I was about 16 or so, I've frequented this place often and knew most of the east side like my own home. That being said, it was glaringly obvious that my small 'hidden grotto' as I referred to it, had been discovered. I couldn't tell if the damage was done by an animal or a human, but whoever or whatever had done it really ransacked the place.  The overhanging tree next to my climbing rock near the middle area of the clearing had been nearly shredded in half, with deep gashes in the bark.  I was honestly surprised that it was still standing.  Patches of dirt and soil had been torn up from the earth and had been strewn all about the spot of land and the various forms of foliage that dotted the vaguely barren expanse.  Small areas of shrubbery had been completely ripped from the ground from their roots (But not all were in one piece.) and appeared to be thrown around the site.  This set of my already shaken nerves, but oddly enough the urge to run never came. Instead, I was utterly captivated by my own morbid curiosity.

   I know this might sound strange, but I've always had a strange fascination towards the nightmarish and gruesome the world offered me. (Drawing blood is probably one of the most relaxing activities I enjoy.)  It was this bewildering interest that brought me to look closer at some of the stranger markings left in the soft, moldable soil.  I was confused at first, to say the least.  I found myself to be staring at bundles of handprints and footprints littering the topsoil.  The strangest thing was that they weren't positioned in a way I could accurately follow, or to put it simply, there wasn't any way that the prints could've been created that didn't defy the basic laws of human anatomy. Took a mental double take as I re-envisioned the possible movements that would've been taken.  It still didn't add up, even if someone were to scamper around on all fours like some wild creature, there's still no way they could've made those prints.  It was confusing, to say the least, and my tired mind wasn't in the mood to search for a logical explanation.  So, like the idiot I am, I decided to follow the prints deeper into the woods.   I guess it's my fault for always living in a sheltered environment, not knowing how to deal with wandering criminals that would hold you at knifepoint or mentally unsound druggies that would become violent at a moment's notice.

   I was about a few yards into the continuing woods until the dense underbrush became too thick to pass through.  Feeling rather unsatisfied I decided to head on back letting my tired body lead the way until some rustling bushes caught my attention, followed by a small rabbit leap out of them, startling me somewhat.  It was injured, made evident by the long gash on the side of its body, fresh blood staining the otherwise clean pelt of its cream colored hide.  I half pitied its plight while half expecting a wild fox or bobcat to chase it, following suit.  Figuring that there's no reason to stick around my damaged and not so secret anymore grotto, I walked down the deer trail the second time that night, making a mental note to find another, not so banged up hideaway.  I was about halfway through the trail when yet another sound grabbed my attention.  What I heard could only be described as gargling, except it was the lethal kind, like the sound of someone drowning.  Quickly jerking my head around, trying to locate its source, I was met with the complete lack of movement and sound, a silence which no one should ever hear in a forest.  I started to panic, changing my leisurely stroll to a faster half jog.  Eventually, my own nerves got to me to the point where I turned my half jog to a full run.  At that point, every passing branch felt like a limb darting out at me, and every twig became fingers tugging at my hair.  Even my own breath sounded like the pained gasps of someone barely living. Looking back at it now, it might as well have been.

   I decided that I had enough nature for that night and decided to take the trip back home.  The sun had set hours ago, and I really needed to get more sleep thanks to my unshakeable habit of working on projects throughout the night.  I was about to call another Uber when I realized that I didn't have enough pocket money on hand to afford the trip back.  Cursing myself and not wanting to wait half an hour for the next bus, I began the 30-minute trek back home, according to Google maps.  The streets were relatively barren like usual, save for the few partygoers and late night travelers still present.  It was only after a short while did I notice the now unimaginably strong smell of spoiled eggs and soured milk emanating from the resting hood of my jacket. Expecting the worst, I gently slid it off while walking, careful of its disgusting contents, and peered inside the hood.

    It was a finger, a human finger.  One that was green and black from rot and decay, looking weeks old. I threw it to the ground in panic, with questions racing through my mind faster than the lead car in the Indie 500. The most notable one being "how?".  Maybe there was a dead body in the canopy above me?  Somehow it got picked up when I was running?  I was trying to come up with a reason for it, any reason at all. I flashed back to the rabbit I saw fleeing the clearing with the gash along its abdomen.  It was made by a fox or wolf or some other natural predator right?

   "Hey doll, ya looks as if ya seen a ghosts or somethins. Ya interested 'n a drinks?" A large, mildly intoxicated man called out to me, breaking me out of my haze.  He chuckled heartily, seeing me physically jump, escaping my stupor.  I hadn't realized I had passed by the rather shabby bar that served as my one fourth distance landmark.  Glancing up at the one bright, now barely functioning neon sign, it read "Al's Ale".  I chortled to myself at the thought of a balding man somewhere in his forties and who was most likely an alcoholic at that managing to snap me back to reality faster than my nature walk.

   "What? Are ya deaf or somethins?  Don't leaves me hangin ya pretty thing, I knows ya wants ta shares a shots or twos wif ol' Sammy heres" he continued with a more pronounced lisp.

   "Oh, ah.  N-No thanks, good-uh-sir." I responded in my usual, stutter riddled fashion. Hearing this, he let out a hearty laugh before retorting

   "No mores al-alcohol for ya! Sounds ta me that ya alreadys got enoughs sweet cheeks."

   "Yeah, I-I buh-better get, uh going." I meekly responded before continuing my way back home.

   "Yeah!  Party hard sugar tits!" he called out after me.  

   Pretty soon 'Sammy's' cries along with the general ruckus of the bar faded behind me as I continued on towards my apartment complex, leaving me alone with the general ambiance of the near barren street and my own thoughts echoing their hushed worried tones throughout my head. However, something lingered throughout the general atmosphere of the city's slum.  The general disturbance caused by the strays and the alley cats had disappeared, but they hadn't vanished completely. Instead, they were replaced with something one would describe as being more calculated.  It wasn't like the usual white noise of scurrying paws, and occasional growls, barks, and hisses during a scrap over food or turf.  This was very different.  It was what sounded like distant, haggard breaths, the creeping sway of determined movement and, the slight shuffle of something being dragged along the ground. I told myself that this wasn't out of the ordinary, that this was just some old, late night janitor making his rounds, garbage bag in tow.  

   I wasn't buying my cheap, half-hearted explanations, and becoming more vigilant than usual, began to look around for the probable cause.  I told myself that I was just overreacting, that whatever this was is entirely logical.  Within one quick glance, however, nearly all thoughts that this was the result of something ordinary completely vanished.  I had locked eyes with dead ones.  However, they retreated back into the alley from which they had appeared from as quickly as I had caught sight of them.  I started off in a full blown sprint, nearly tripping on the uneven sidewalk. However, even with adrenaline coursing through me as my fuel, I have to admit that I was not terribly overweight, but I still was extremely out of shape.  Needless to say, I couldn't keep running for too long and soon had to revert back to a slow walk.  I didn't know what it was, or if it was following me, but I rejoiced at the sound of the usual city sounds enveloping the streets and alleyways once more. However, my good news stopped there as I had missed a turn in my hurry and was still about 15 minutes away from my apartment.  

   The rest of the trip back was agonizingly painful, jumping at every sound I heard.  I doubted my sanity, but the world provided me with a harsh reality check each time I fell into questioning myself by gifting me with unnatural sights just at the edges of my vision, darting into some unknown hiding spot each time it presented itself.  Maybe a rotting limb here, a fractured bone there, or maybe a spindly, Ivory appendage crawling back behind the corner it came from.  I wasn't sure what was real anymore, only finding solace in my own room once home, locking the door just in case.

   I brewed some tea for myself, not for taste but for stress relief as I settled down in my bedroom.  By that point, it had started to rain, and I gladly settled down, relieved that I had not been caught in the steady downpour.  The rhythmic beat of the rain put me at ease hearing its patter against the windowpane.  It was almost surreal.  The effect of the rain and tea combined began to lull me into a trance like state as I casually drifted between consciousness.  I awaited the warm welcome of sleep, resting underneath my bed covers. However, this was interrupted by an unusual tapping at my window. Half expecting it to be tree branches or something of the like, I remembered that trees only tapped against the windows of my parent's house and that there aren't trees outside of the building.  I jerked my head around almost hard enough to pull a muscle at the realization and turned to see several black tendrils retreating upwards.  

   I sat in stunned silence for a moment before reality came crashing down on me and bolted towards my kitchen.  I grabbed a knife along with my phone and keys and was heading out my apartment door when I heard the window to my living room shatter.  I was taking no chances and decided to call the police. Running down the halls towards the stairs, I glanced over my shoulder to find whatever it was already close behind after reducing my door to splinters.  Taking off down the stairs, I tried to explain to the operator what was happening as best I could.  It wasn't far behind, I could hear its wheezing breaths inching closer and closer to me.  I finally saw the door to the main parking lot, taking my chance, I shoved open the double doors for myself and slammed them behind me into the creature.  I actually managed to cut off some of the tendrils with the door as I shut it, and I could hear it screech in pain as they were sliced.  I checked my phone to make sure I was still on the line, and I was notified that dispatch was on their way and would arrive soon.  For the briefest of moments, I really thought I was going to make out of this alive.  That feeling was all too early shattered as the creature started to forcefully pound at the doors.  It only took a few strikes for it to force its way out, and I was finally able to see the beast in all its glory.

   It used to be a girl, now broken by what I am sure to be a vile parasite.  Her body was mangled nearly to pieces and was experiencing severe decay.  The gray skin had rotted of her completely in some places, exposing some of her bones and deteriorated muscle.  The black tendrils had actually been eye stalks and had a bright white orb among each tip, and they seeped out of every hole and tear in the skin.  I could see them writhing underneath.  The legs along with the pelvis and spine had been spun until they faced backward, and the neck was broken, leaving the head to freely move limply around in the dead flesh. I also noticed that the body was missing a foot and several fingers.  However, that was only what used to be human, the real parasite showed itself by the various ivory, insect-like limbs that jutted out from broken arms at the elbow, what remained of the ribcage, and from inverted legs. To my horror, it seemed that somehow, the girl was still alive, as I could hear her shallow breaths as she struggled to breathe.  I could see her twitching in pain at the touch of those stalks wriggling under her skin. I could hear what remained of her vocal chords trying to cry out, but only giving off a gargle as they decomposed and stirred into her own rotting flesh.

   I was frozen in fear, I tried to move, tried to shout for someone anyone to help me, but the only thing I managed to do was give off a pitiful whimper of fear as the parasite advanced towards me.  It swiftly picked me up with the two front legs extruding outward from under the rotting skin of her arms.  As it cradled me in its strong grasp, the rotten and broken human arms once belonging to the girl clasped onto my shoulders, dragging me closer to her face.  She tilted her head to a close upright position, and her once brown hair, now blackened and matted fell from her face and drifted across mine.  I wanted to die from the smell alone.  I would've vomited had I not skipped dinner, never the less I retched and recoiled from being as close as I was to her face.  Her eyes once dead in her sockets I'm now sure were peering right through me into my very soul.  Slowly she opened her mouth, and two more small insect-like appendages revealed themselves extending from the tears in her neck.  Without warning the ivory limbs attached themselves into my jaw, forcing it open.  As the girl's mouth kept widening, the smell as impossible as it seemed, continued to get worse, and I was crying from the horrid aroma.  I watched and felt as she gave me what only could be described as a kiss of death, that is, my widened mouth on her gaping one, and having what was left of her almost completely shredded lips hanging down in thin raggedy pieces darting across my face.  Soon enough she extended her tongue down my throat, far longer than any human's tongue and I felt something crawl down it, something horribly rancid.  With that, the creature withdrew its tongue, dropped me on the pavement and left.  I couldn't make out where it was going to in my shock, and I just lied down in defeat. I cried until the police showed up and I kept crying afterward.  I think at some point they tried to explain to me that what occurred was just a home invasion and I must have dreamed up the rest.  

   I want to believe them, I want to think that they're right, but I can't.  I can't when I can feel this parasite moving inside me.  I feel what I think are more tendrils moving around inside my skin, and see my blonde hair turn dark and have patches of skin turn gray with rot. I know I'll be like her soon, and I can feel it growing inside me.  It's getting harder to breathe, and type, and think, and I didn't sleep at all last night. I wonder what will happen If I kill myself, will I still live and turn into that thing?  Or will I kill the parasite along with myself as it's host? I know I can't go anywhere or see anyone. Otherwise, I might spread it more, despite the urges telling me to visit my friends or family or just go out into the grotto one last time.  I'm trying to fight it, but I don't know how long I can keep it at bay.  I really do think yhis thin is tryun to git in m hed bc I fel ih t gt n.

 Sorry for the ruckus!  I went to the officials, and they say that I'm all better so no need to worry!

That being said, does anyone want to trade contact info?  I'd love to meet some of you IRL, you know, in real life?  Anyhow, ring me up if you want to meet!

After all, I make for great company.