#these ppl make me angry sometimes for other reasons but this is just the latest

[aikuse]

i am so fucking annoyed with today like

office is dead bc my boss had car issues so i didn’t even rly have to come in

once again these people in a small server i’m in (none that y’all are in) are talking about this rp thing that they’re doing that they don’t ever elaborate on which is giving the same energy as talking about a gathering you weren’t invited to and not explained for whatever reason which feels very exclusionary and just like. take it to some fucking dms or a groupchat jesus christ

miss my bf :(

[sevenofreds]

You know the reason ppl r mad at Sanders is cause he appropriates DID, not JUST cause it's "cringe"

I mean, all it takes is a basic google search to k ow the difference between having a dissociative identity disorder and "I use personifications of the different personality traits that make me up to teach life lessons in an entertaining way" (gee, it's almost like people are complicated or multi-layered) Of course then people would have to research stuff instead of jumping on the latest "let's hate on this celebrity now" bandwagon.

The thing about having multiple personalities is that it's more nuanced than y'all like to pretend.

If you have D.I.D., then you have multiple "personality identities". You don't have one single personality trait with nothing else about them besides a name. It's a whole other identity, with their own "personal history" and an entirely new set of traits that make them up as a person, not "Hi I'm John and I'm the always angry personality".

Not to mention when the identities switch over, the original (real) identity often blacks out until they take back over, sometimes with them filling in the gaps themselves so as not to deal eith what's actually happening. In Thomas's videos, he's having a conversation. It's nowhere near "appropriating a mental disorder" so much as "finding a less boring way to talk to himself".

TLDR; tumblr on its shit again as I said in that first reblog.

[punkcryptids]

ramble

this is the one form of social media i can vent on and be confident no one is gonna find it, it won’t start drama and i can just go the fuck off

i have this ex friend right? really mf toxic, i cut her off last year n shit is all good, right?

anyways, last week i found out she has been consistently posting abt me on her tik tok, just indirects, since aT LEAST may, probably longer. and i told her the fuck off, made my own shit behind “obsessed” by mariah carrey, after some comments back n forth, the whole incident is said n done, she blocks me. ok cool

here i am, finding out the bitch is *still* making indirects. its a lil less obvious, so of course there’s the possibility it’s not me but knowing the situation im p sure it is-- the caption was like “if you side w someone because they’re crying but dont care about what they did, i hate you” or something like that. and im just at my wits end dude,, (a tiny bit of context; our friend group completely left her when i did, n all of them commented on my video + people who were kinda in our friend group but not completely if that makes sense-- one of the kinda in the group ppl commented on her video n she responded “wtf did i ever do to you” so thats why i think the caption has to do w me)

it doesnt make me as anxious as it used to but it makes me angry dude. n the indirects were really fuckin wild. im not tryna explain the situation too much because it was a whole year of verbal/mental abuse that i somewhat tuned out because *trauma*, but she was making wholeass posts abt my relationship. thats what is was, each n every time. 

makes sense bc it was the whole fucking issue when we were friends, but they were straight lies. shit abt how he cheated on me and-- she KNOWS its not true. SHE KNOWS, the whole issue is she was overly involved in my relationship because we were both her best friends.  

the whole reason this incident happened in the first place was because two days before i made my thing calling her out, she posted ANOTHER indirect. idk how many of yall are on tiktok, but it was the trend “introduce yourself as why you and your ex bsf dont talk” and gUeSs wHaT iT SaID?? “i dont like when my friends get cheated on”. its amazing the mental gymnastics she has to go through to feel correct in the situation. AMAZING. making up whole ass events that didnt happen (when we had our lil confrontation she cited him cheating on me when WE WERENT TOGETHER dnkjfheifjoewi) 

god this probably reads so weirdly because its a random insight to a situation without full context + it jumps all over. im sorry about that i just physically cannot dude. im a legal adult next year, class of 2021 babey and it fucking blows my mind theres still this middle school drama bs going on. and i cant do shit, because all she will do is block me when i call her out on her bs and then continue to post abt it. when it first happened it made me feel happy and relieved that i stood up for myself for once but then finding out shes doing the same shit shes just a fucking coward.

ig whats sending me more is the one comment she left on my video was “bell would you like to say this to my face” n then BLOCKED ME N CONTINUED TO SHIT TALK I-

i know i need to work on letting it not bother me-- she will talk her shit, she will spew her lies, and at least all of the people who were there for the situation know shes wrong-- n thats all that matters. but anxiety is a bitch sometimes. plus i guess it just hurts, she was such a gaslighting, manipulative person n it fucking hurts to see her lie and turn that shit on me. esp because my mind is littered with mental instability that i will start to bELIEVE IT HDhnfiujfo. it makes me mad that i have to deal with the trauma she gave me n she gets to sit there making tik toks lying about what happened to strangers online to validate her. what bothers me even more is it wasnt even about our relationship really. it was just about MY relationship with my boyfriend which feels so fucking weird. especially bc half of her tiktoks are directed at calling me a bad person (+saying how much better she is than me lmao) n missing my bf (who she calls her “brother” even though she gaslit him and manipulated him all the same djifhbdi) and the other half is like she misses me ??? considering the latest indirect (before she blocked me) was abt why we arent friends anymore

i cannot stress enough how fucking done i am. it stresses me out because i cut her out of my life so i wouldnt have to deal w it and i feel like i cant escape her and i hate it i want to move out of this fuckign town so i never have to have the possibility of running into her 

but if i do run into her you bet your ass im calling her pussy ass out >:) 

also shoutout my therapist who will get the run down (probably a summary of this post) of this situation tomorrow hehe 

[madd-information]

This is long so I submitted it this way instead of sending in like 1,000 asks. Hope that’s okay?

Hi I’m Twoot and idk if I have (have? Is that the right term?) madd but I might and I’m looking into it. I’ve tried to do some research but idk how well it matches up. For as long as I can remember I’ve sort of created my own worlds or pretended that I was part of some that already existed (based off of youtubers, shows, books, etc. When I was younger it was a big mix of me as a person experiencing it and a character as me experiencing it but recently it’s just been me as characters) It’s not *all* of my life but when I sat down to write this all out I realized how much it happens. and I’m an only child living with only my dad so i didn’t have many real ppl to play w growing up and I have a lot of alone time. I spend a lot of my (mostly) alone time (walking to and from school, being home alone, in bed at night (so much plot in the stories/worlds I build happens at night), and even sometimes in social situations,, tho it depends) doing what I have dubbed in the latest years “The Characters Thing” (I’m just going to call it TCT for now bc I’m not %100 sure if it’s madd or not so that’s just what I’m going to refer to it as here)

Usually when I get into something (bc of my adhd when I get into a fandom type thing I hyperfixate and *rly* get into it) my whole world revolves around that thing. I create a sort of au and story in my head and they often times never wrap up before moving on to the next one. While I’m involved in one of my hyperfixations I usually do TCT about them and start a storyline which I continue throughout my day. These can last from one afternoon (tho that’s p uncommon) to months. They change as my hyperfixations change bc once I tire of those the characters/world no longer interest me and my hyperfixations usually last for a couple months. Right now I’m into Moomin so for example I would be Snufkin or the Joxter (it switches who I am A Lot depending on what’s happening in the story/ where I am while I’m doing TCT bc I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is actually madd) and go thru parts of the story I’m making as them. I don’t think of myself as becoming them ig?? Looking back I’m still me,, I’m the body,, the one experiencing things but during TCT the concept of “Twoot” (me) is gone and I perceive things and react to situations (irl or in the story in my head) as the character. It’s never in third person as I am always a certain character and even if I imagine others I do not act as them even tho I sort of control them. Another thing I forgot to add is that I can switch between what character I am. It often varies from world to world and story to story but sometimes I switch characters randomly bc my mood changes and the way I’m acting would better fit another character or my hyperfixation might shift and maybe a different character seems more appealing at that time. It’s like when you’re reading a fic and some of the chapters are in the POV of a different character. Tho for me it’s never third person no matter what. I always see it thru the eyes of the character I am.

There can sometimes be multiple worlds/stories happening at the same time which sometimes stumps me on what one to continue with when I do TCT. The stories never happen at the same time but if there are stories that are super short (last for only an afternoon or so,, but again these are super rare) there might be characters from multiple things in the same place. One recently for me was a world of me walking back from school after a stressful class where two characters (strongly tied to emotions. The three characters here are the only ones that are tied to emotions and pop up when I am feeling a certain emotion. Tho there are exceptions like there’s a character that always pops up when I’m stimming.) Who represent pettiness and anger (Marvin from Falsettos being the main one. (The only time when I act as him is when I am feeling petty or selfish and angry bc falsettos isn’t my hyperfixation anymore and I wasn’t usually him when it was my hyperfixation) Little my from Moomin was the other but unlike Marvin me feeling angry isn’t the only time she pops up bc that’s not all she’s included for and she’s part of my current hyperfixation) where talking to me (At the moment I was snufkin from the Moomins who i use to make my emotions stable bc he is always calm and collected. He’s also the main character I am rn bc he’s my favorite and from my current hyperfixation) even tho Marvin is not from Moomin and little my and snufkin aren’t from falsettos. This kind of world with mixing characters and it being so short (only lasted for half of my walk home) is v v uncommon tho it does happen. It is also an example of one of the kinds of situations that happen when I do TCT.

There are three kinds.

One: Real world. This is where the characters (Sometimes just the character I am and sometimes there are others around me) are responding to things that are happening around me activity. Example: Worrying about a test I have, playing a video game, or doing something activity that is happening irl. This can easily bleed into the second type if I am doing something nonspecific like walking home or eating dinner.

Two: Imaginary situations: This is where I am doing something during TCT that I am not doing in the real world. Example: irl I am in bed but durning TCT I am walking around the forest(little irl movement and acting bc I am lying down and I cannot speak bc I might be heared by my dad) or irl I am just home alone but during TCT I am going shopping with another character (a lot of irl movement. I can talk, run around, grab props to use and use them, etc.)

Three: Including other people: This is why it doesn’t affect my social situations negatively. This is where I am interacting with other people and see myself as one character and those around me as others. This usually follows the rules of the forst kind bc I base things around what is actually happening. If I am around my little cousins sometimes I can play with them and suggest what we play using the world I’m focused on at the time (it’s not that weird bc I’m 14 and we don’t see each other that often but when we do we’re all v close and it’s not as weird or forced as it sounds) and I’m the character I am at that time and might even suggest them to be other characters from it. If not this can actually star a branching work with my cousins ocs as characters that I might or might not use if I continue that branch. If I am around friends we don’t play that often anymore bc were all about 14 so we play less and less but there was a long lasting hyperfixation that rly was great for TCT bc my friends where into it at the same time and often played and/or rped as these characters. So sometimes they might play along but most of the time for type three I only imagine them to be other characters. I assign them a character that matches who they are and hang out with them as I act on the way my character as they and build the story in my head as things happen irl. Examples: irl I’m eating dinner at a restaurant with my dad and grandparents but during TCT I am the character eating dinner with the other characters in the world in my characters dining room, irl I am in the ocean on a beach trip with my friends but during TCT I am a Character that is trapped on an island and swimming to somewhere else with the few other characters for company, or irl I am in a car going to a friends house while it’s late with her mom driving us but during TCT I am the character on a train traveling to to town for the first time to go to an inn while I chat with a character that is a stranger (even if irl she’s my best friend) and the nosy lady in front of us who keeps interrupting our generally peaceful train ride

I am always aware that I am doing TCT and usually (I think? I’ve never tried to specifically shut down any “sessions” of TCT) in control of when it stops/starts and there is no inner world. I am aware of what the body is seeing, hearing, feeling, etc. irl but TCT is happening on top of it(?)

If there are other characters besides just me in a scene (unless I’m with other people and assign them a character that suits them in my head) I see them even tho they’re not there? They are invisible but I can tell what they look like and where they are at any given time. In the “scenes” im never “transported” anywhere. Sort of. I can decide where the room I’m in is in the story (like I say that my room is really the inside of a tent or that the restaurant I’m in is the dining room of my character’s house) but it’s the same as how the characters look. I perceive everything as it is but imagine that things look different. This also happens with real people I assign characters to in my head. My eyes see the people but my brain, ig in my minds eye sees what the character they “are” looks like.

There are multiple different reasons that TCT happens for me. Most of the time it’s because I’m bored (I have adhd-pi (the inattentive type) so this happens quite a lot) but I also use it to deal with situations I want to personally distance myself from.

Like because I have sensory issues it’s Awful for me that I have to go out to eat with my grandparents every week and have to hear them chew food. So I start doing TCT and handle things how my character would handle it. If I end up spiraling and breaking down then TCT is torn away and my mind stops thinking of that as I am too preoccupied with the breakdown (usually dealing with personal things so it’s harder to place a character on it)

I have recently started to use TCT to my advantage during breakdowns and either acting as a more stable character they ig to calm themself down OR be Twoot (me) (this is v uncommon for me this past year or so unless it’s to do what I’m explaining now) and have the characters “there with me” to calm me down. It all depends on the specific experience.

What makes me question if madd is what I’m experiencing or not is bc It doesn’t usually affect my social life; if I’m doing TCT I just have my friends/family be other characters (tho I don’t tell them this ofc) and it’s not like an actual dream. I still experience reality while it’s happening and it’s not too vivid (I have memories of the parts of stories like they really happened but as I explained before things seem sort of transparent so they aren’t too detailed) also it’s not third person. I have to experience it in first person weather I’m acting it out (this is ideal, I do this if I’m home alone or walking somewhere alone. If I can’t speak and move around to act them out I mouth things out and imagine that I am doing the things, but not rly bc I imagine doing things in first person if that makes sense, or if I rly have to it all happens inside my head but that’s only if I’m in a social situation where I can’t move around. If I’m in a social situation with friends I can move around in I move and and act in the ways that the character I am at the moment would/ is in my story and have my friends be the characters while I build the story around what is happening irl)

If there’s anything else I should explain but at this time that is all I can think of to share. I hope this makes sense. If it’s not madd do you have any idea what it could be?

I always thought me doing this was normal then when I realized it wasn’t I thought it was just my adhd but I had kind of realized it might be something else and it made me think after I brought up the fact that I did this to my therapy group as a way to distance Myself from situations that are uncomfortable and deal with stress so I decided to do some digging and madd seemed rly close but I thought I’d ask someone before I go and self diagnose let alone talk to my dad about it.

[salem-saint]

hi team! my name’s maddie, and i’m in scotland in the gmt timezone, so i’ll generally be online at different hours to the majority of the group because of it lmao! salem’s full bio is here, but i’ve also put it under the cut for anyone that’s mobile. i’m super excited to start plotting with everyone - i’m dashing out to work pretty soon but i’ll be reading everyone’s bios and sending out some messages either late tonight or first thing tomorrow :) and obv feel free to message me if you have any ideas! my discord is maddie#5000, i’ll add ppl there as it’s generally a faster way to reach me than on tumblr

xxx

Wesley St. Ives was one of the most well-renowned senators from New York State. His reputation was perfect, barring one thing: his son. Salem was born troublesome. As a newborn he screamed relentlessly, and more often than not Wesley would have the nanny take Salem out for long drives at night just so he could get some rest. It quickly developed into less of a relationship between son and parents, and more of an acknowledgement of existence. At mealtimes he was picky and threw tantrums when he didn’t want to eat his vegetables, so the nanny was instructed to take Salem for mealtimes elsewhere. At work functions, Salem would be rude to the people Wesley most needed to impress, embarrassing the family.

They thought they might have some peace when Salem was old enough to be enrolled in kindergarten. Being a senator’s son, he was sent to the finest private kindergarten in New York, only to be turned out months later for causing too much trouble. He constantly disrupted naptime, refused to eat the snacks that were prepared for them, drew frightening things during fingerpainting time, and insulted the teacher as imaginatively as his five year old mind would allow for.

Despairing of their son, the St. Ives’ sent their only child to a less elite school in the quieter suburb of Manhasset. He wasn’t removed from this one, but they still got far more calls home than they would have liked. Salem had learned quickly that his parents both had such busy schedules - when they weren’t working, they were attending social functions necessary to further their careers. The only way he could reliably get their attention, was by acting out. His parents might be furious when they had to sit in the principal’s office listening to his latest misdemeanours, but at least they were there.

As he got older, his anger grew more into apathy. If his parents weren’t going to make the effort, why should he bother? He became withdrawn, rarely acting out in class except to make snarky comments when called upon by the teacher. Making friends was difficult for him, because he was embarrassed to invite people home. His family was ridiculously wealthy, and he didn’t want anyone to see that. He didn’t want anyone to see how his nanny, Armelle, was more of a mother to him than his own biological mother ever had been. He rejected the lifestyle his parents laid out for him, because it had never done him an ounce of good. They bought him expensive designer clothes, and he shrugged them off in favour of beat up bomber jackets and jeans with holes through the knees that he’d bought in thrift stores. He was no longer rebelling to get his parents’ attention, he was simply rejecting what felt like a predetermined life. He didn’t want to follow his father into politics, and that was where the two most often butted heads. He forced Salem to join the debate team at school, where he excelled when he tried - though more often than not he threw the debate by making irreverent jokes.

He was a lonely, angry child, and the first time he really remembers laughing in school was when The Jokester got moved next to him. Salem couldn’t even tell you what joke they made that so tickled him, but he did remember looking up with bright surprise in his eyes, grinning. They were the first person Salem ever invited back to his house - and god, did they laugh about it. Salem, in his punky little leather jacket, was the son of a high flying politician? There was too much material for them to not tease him about it, but somehow he didn’t mind. It didn’t feel like they were laughing at him, as much as with him. He settled with ease into a friendship with them, and the Punching Bag followed shortly after. More often than not, the Punching Bag was the butt of Salem and the Jokester’s humour, and sometimes Salem felt bad about that. But in the end, the whole thing was too cathartic for him to give up. If the Punching Bag ever thought they’d taken things too far, Salem was sure they’d speak up.

Or maybe he just said that to appease his guilt, because it did weigh heavily on him.

It felt like such an unlikely group of friends into which he fell, during the years of his schooling. Some of them were people he would never have looked at twice, but somehow they formed a happy little group. Salem, for his part, was more happy on the outskirts, drawling out sarcastic comments. He liked that it made people laugh. They didn’t think he was a waste of potential like his father did, they thought he was funny. Maybe he’d have spoken up more with the squad, but in many ways he felt almost shy around them. He actually cared what they thought, and he didn’t want to spoil his reputation as a funny guy, the one with the pithy remarks. Of course, he lost himself so much in that image that he often crossed boundaries. He said things that were too mean, things friends shouldn't say to each other. It meant more to him than he would ever say that they forgave him anyway.

The Squad made home life easier to deal with. He saw his parents less and less over the years, sometimes barely even aware of what country they might be in. He was left alone with Armelle for the most part, which suited him fine. She was only fifteen years older than him, an au pair practising her English in the States. It was only supposed to be for a year, but in the end she enjoyed her work, and the many perks the St. Ives supplied to her, enough that she stayed till Salem graduated high school.

To all appearances, Salem was a highly independent young man. But he did rely on his family for one thing: money. And his father had always threatened that if Salem didn’t keep his head on straight, he’d never see a single cent of the trust fund that was saved away for when he turned twenty one. And he hated to admit it, but that money would make a real difference. He just had to play along until his twenty first birthday. What ‘playing along’ meant, was getting good grades at school. It surprised many of his classmates, because Salem rarely participated in class, and always had a scathing attitude towards things, but after school he knew how to knuckle down. His homework was always done, even if he tossed it onto the teacher’s desk with the air of someone that couldn’t be bothered. He stayed up late studying for exams, and sometimes he even stood out. English was his favourite subject - he loved writing, particularly poetry, although his father discouraged it.

When Salem was accepted to study economics at Cornell, he wasn’t going to pretend it was because he’d really worked for it. There was no doubt in his mind that the generous donation made by his father had more to do with his acceptance than any real talent he had. Whatever the reasoning though, he had been accepted, and he was going to study a subject his father chose for him, and he was going to grudgingly carry on doing the bare minimum until he got the money. It wasn’t that he was greedy, he just wasn’t stupid - if someone says they’ll give you a small fortune for playing nice, you’ll learn to toe the line expertly.

Salem was miserable. He hated economics. He hated the other students. He stayed in touch with the squad perhaps more persistently than most would have expected of him. He’d always been teasing to the point of rudeness, raising eyebrows as well as questions of whether he really liked any of them at all. But the truth was, he’d come to depend on them in many ways, and Cornell was sapping the life out of him. He persevered for a year, surviving largely on the texts and emails he got from the members of the squad that kept in touch, and then during the summer vacation before second year he went to visit Armelle in Paris.

She’d flown back once Salem graduated high school; she’d cried, he’d pointedly told her to get a grip. It made her laugh. She’d always been the only family he really cared for, and his parents were happy enough to fork out for plane tickets to get him some culture. The trouble was, he didn’t come back. At nineteen years old, he moved in with Armelle, and sent an email to Cornell telling them that they could eat his entire ass if they thought he was coming back for one more semester at their insufferable university.

At first he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. His father cut him off entirely - no contact, no money, no home to return to. His mother tried in vain to mediate, but Salem and Wesley both preferred it this way. Salem didn’t want their money if it meant following their dreams instead of his own. Paris suited him: the people were generally rude and arrogant, the food was excellent, and the literature, exquisite. He began writing again, after having lost his passion at Cornell. It didn’t exactly pay the bills, so eventually he took up a job in a bakery so that he wouldn’t be such a burden on Armelle. Thanks to her efforts over the last nineteen years, he was more or less fluent in French, so he didn’t struggle. But he did submit his poems to several magazines, and got a few published. It brought in some money here or there.

It felt more like the life he was supposed to be leading. He woke up early, went to the bakery to stock the displays and sell as much as he could, and in the evenings he would sit outside some little cafe sipping red wine and scrawling out poems about life and love and beauty, largely spiked through with a sharp sense of nihilism and cynicism. Salem never quite lost his pessimistic streak. He stuck at it, and eventually published his own little poetry anthology, written dually in French and English, and found a moderate amount of success. Not quite enough to stop working at the bakery, but enough to keep him happy. Over the years, he lost touch with most people. He hasn’t heard from his parents in almost ten years, and barely touches base with any of the squad. He missed them, and their influence was in many of his poems, but he was worlds away. He had new friends in Paris. Now that he’d grown up Armelle was more of an older sister figure to him, and he went out to meals with his colleagues, and fell in and out of love with various people. High school was just a distant memory, until he woke up one morning to a message from The Soul.

Of course it was bad news. You don’t reach out to a friend you’ve not seen in a decade just to say ‘hi’. Despite all the years that passed, he had never forgotten how the Squad had made him feel a part of something when he’d felt like nothing more than an angry loner. He owed it to the Soul to go back and offer some support, so he dipped into his meagre savings and flew back to Manhasset as fast as he could.

In many ways, he’s still the same person they all remember him as. His sense of humour was always cutting, and the sharp French humour has done nothing to appease that. He’s still quiet, happy enough to let other people do the majority of the talking. He’s still more at ease sharing quiet, humorous glances with one person than being in a larger group. But he’s also calmer than they recall, more at peace with himself, and quicker to realise if his comments are taken the wrong way. Salem is a lover, not a fighter, but you’d never guess from the lazy drawl with which he snips at people.

[woozi]

henlo yza <3 ,

hdjdkd i don't really have much knowledge abt different techniques & kind of dances so when the steps match the lyrics i'm like '!!! wow yes i love it' fhdjdjskks also bc i've grown up watching these kind of dances only so my that's what i tend to notice first hdjdjddk it is also one of the reason why i decided to stan svt dwc, oh my, thanks & our dawn is hotter than day's choreo details really impressed me.

maybe vincenzo is your svt club & ur so valid for that <3 hddjdjekek also pls don't say sorry!! you can talk abt it as much as you want i like knowing what you think. i'll let you know how was it for me when i complete it. & no homecha hasn't ended yet (idk if there are 16 or 14 eps i haven't checked) it does come on weekends, counting this sunday's ep, we're at 12th rn.

i get that fjdjdkkd i used to be the same 😭 always waiting for dramas to end so i can binge watch because not knowing what happens next would kill me. but idk when this happened, my will to watch anything died down bc the eps are just there, available for me to watch anytime. im like 'i'll watch it next time' but next time never comes 💀. this year i've watched no-air ones only hdjssj very surprising for me ( also my wack memory & svt content supports me by forgetting abt it after weekend ends dhdjdkkd) anyway i'm very excited to see how you like homecha!

CHURCH BOY JOSH HDHDJDDKKSLSDJ church boy josh, cringe domestic boy, joshua numbers. we've come up with so many nicknames for him in few asks only 😭😭 dbdjksksk deserve actually. BUT SO TRUE I STILL HAVE NO WORDS FOR HIM. THAT WAS- JUST- WOW OKAY WE SEE YOU 😭😭and dino lip piercing and hoshi eyebrow slit..... so sexy of them. cb concept pictures haven't come out yet & they're already shinning!! love to see that. also now we have gyu and hoshi's wedding reception pictures & cottagecore hannie (with that collarbone picture right in middle >:( wth mister but also hbd ig <3) being added in the equation.

IM CRYINGGGGGG THEY LOOK SO CUTE THEY ARE SO CUTE NOO 😭😭💔 HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THESE COVERS WTH (being the ex-directioner and all dhdjkdsksk). I SMILED SO WIDE WATCHING THEM <///3 it's been so long since i heard one thing wow lol. but! this means they know who zayn is. thank you for this jdjssk this is going to keep me happy for some time hdjdke. SUNDAY MORNING EHJEJEKE 😭 thank you <3 dndjdj

IKR???? IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CB I'M ALSO EXCITED TO EXPERIENCE IT WITH YOU. agreee truly bless svt for helping keeping us from losing it over life (by making us lose it over them) tbh sometimes it worries me too with the way contents keep dropping but just now in these unit interviews being released, perf unit shared how they have ppl who encourage them to be okay with their tiredness. things like that put me at ease. hope they rest well from time to time too. honestly just looking at their tour schedules i used to get tired because these dudes used to have more shows and less day offs and some of them being used to just move from one city to another. i hope in coming years pledis changes that lol.

sameee for the poster release hdjdkeek. also even though there was scheduler, i forgot abt the concept trailer 😭 it was raining & bcoz of that power was out as well & i don't use data dhdjdkdk. i think 5 minutes after 12 kst power came back (you can say joshu's sparkler brought it back hdjdjdks) it literally left me speechless. yk that meme ' everyone remembers what they were doing & where they were when it happened ' that's me & you with this cb hfjdkd honestly that's everyone with this cb me thinks.

seventeenies bringing the grass to you w their posts djdjkd ( btw you can always tell me if silly little jokes get out of hand i wouldn't ever like to make you uncomfy) but seriously i hope uni doesn't give you hard time. don't worry much just keep moving forward, at some point whatever is making you feel stuck will move away eventually.

is it that obvious? 😭😭😭😭 no i don't like rain at all dhjddk (i actually didn't dislike it as much during teens) mostly because road drainage system sucks here & we live in lower area so even moderate rain causes water logging. i'd give you some rain but this one's bad so i won't </3 ( as if i could if it were the good one 💀) stay hydrated!!! drink two sips of water everytime you hear dino laugh, i hope it cools a little soon.

that's what being on tumblr since 2012 does to you 😭 ALSO UR SO FUNNY PLS, SO ARE THE MEMES YOU USE FOR ASKS DJDJDKD. *hands you bunny headband dino* it's dangerous outside take this, you too stay safe out there 😭😭😭😭 love you too <3 and thank YOU for hanging out w me hehe :3, also dw tbh these asks have become one of the highlights for me now & i'm only using my free time excluding resting time, i hope you are too, no pressure at all! dw about being late - 🪂

ps - did i tell you i actually followed your svt blog around the time everyone was guessing your biases hddjkddj i sent mingyu & jeonghan dhdjdj that was my first ask :3 - 🪂

henlo, 🪂!! <3 <3 <3

honestly it doesnt matter to me tbh <3 if people enjoy the dance its all that matters!! and omg i can see that!! i love the svteenies always bring something fresh to the table

omg that means you're near the end 😭😭😭 i keep seeing gifs of it on my dash and it makes me feel a lil lovesick ngl HJFHJFHD why is it so TENDER????????????????

ok but that's so valid too bc that's me rn with in the soop.... i literally have not watched the 6th ep yet 😭 and i'm getting the feeling youre mentioning w swf now because i literally always look forward to tuesdays just for the next ep HJDHJDS also i am dumb what are no-airs HJDHJDHHD and ur not alone tbh <3 i have also been super forgetful lately and that is not like me fdhjdfjhdfhjdfhj we're rotting in this hellsite ig

love bullying him i just wanna know how he'd react if he gets upset <3 i dont think we've ever seen angry josh and i wanna make him angry sm HSDHJSDJ im glossing over dino lip piercing to directly go over hOSHI EYEBROW SLIT BC HELLO??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ive never really liked eyebrow slits but he makes them look so- i want him to hurt me HJDSHJDHJDS ALSO THE LATEST SET OF PHOTOS OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD they're giving me what i've been asking for i love being here sm <3 soonyoung's so chummy w everyone have u seen his photos w jihoon last night 😭 he's literally tamed the actual tiger icb this. and no oh my god i do not Know what Collarbone Jeonghan is i have erased him from my memories thank u

HDSHDSJDSHJDS the ex-directioner is so funny to me 😭 i think we have all been there one way or another <3 and ofc omg <3 i'm glad my core svt memories make u happy HSDJHJDFHJHJDSF

they literally said escapism hELP ME 😭😭😭😭😭 i think they're also just workaholics in general. i would be too if i actually enjoyed what i did for a living 😭 and are we even gonna get tours in the near future.... this is so sad i havent even seen them irl </3

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG that's terrible, i hope u guys were okay though :/ AND NOT THE JOSH SPARKLER FDDHJFHDFHJFDHFDH now i have to think about him oh my god i think i passed out a little when eyebrow piercing josh came on screen and just full on blacked out when the match scene came on tbh 😭 JKSDJKDSKDS ITS LIKE THE PANDEMIC!!!!!!! WE WILL RMB!!!!!!!!!

ALSOO NOOO OMG i dont feel uncomf at all and u should also tell me if i do make u feel so <3 thank u for even mentioning that!! also love that they're Doing It All for us we dont even have to go out to touch grass anymore HJDSHJSDJ i've actually been v happy w uni omg!! just that i often feel stressed bc they give us sm things to do </3 thank u for ur kind words!!

that's the price of being an adult JDJSJKD now we gotta think of things like.. idk the effects of rain 😭😭😭 i used to even love it when it flooded as a kid HJDSHJSDHJ now i get anxious too!! i love all kinds of rain though so i wont mind JKKSDKJSDKJD just that other people might be affected </3 wish i had my own rain cloud on some kind of leash lmao. ALSO IF I DRINK WATER EVERY TIME I HEAR DINO LAUGH FDHFDHJDFHD gonna be bloated but hydrated af ngl

oh my gOD YOU WERE HERE SINCE 2012???? we're literally sick bestie <3 i genuinely think tumblr has changed something fundamental in me and my way of thinking has not been The Same as idk.. regular people ig JDSHJSDHJSD THE OFFLINE PEOPLE!! smth about tumblr is so <3 sick but also i love this hellsite so 😗 AND NOOO NOT THE MEMES FDHDFHJDF its my broken sense of humor and inability to convey emotions properly HHSDHJDSHJ

BUNNY HEADBAND DINO?????????????????????????????????????? honestly he'd bring me more harm than protection i'll say that much 😭

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 that genuinely made me feel so warm & fuzzy, i always look forward to your messages too <3 <3 <3 i hope u always have good days u deserve it for being such a sweetheart

WAIT HELLO???????????????????????? YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR SO LONG THEN 😭😭😭😭😭 and im so impressed you didnt get weeded out ngl HFDHJFDHJFD icb you've been witnessing me going more ill everyday <3 ur a soldier

and u are partially correct abt mingyu & jh <3 at least during the time JSDJDSJKSDJK i think i've been desensitized to mingyu now but i still love him sm <3 he's just so cute and cutesy boys kinda infuriate me in an affectionate way so HJSDHJDSHJDSH

[yoursalwaysfics]

ok question have you seen this "killing stalking" thing thats apparently the Hip New Problématique thing on tubmlr bc i havent actually looked at the manhwa itself (prob never will) but i took a gander at the tag and ive seen glimpses of the fandom and all i have to say is Wow but like. in a bad way. (also apparently ppl are comparing it to yoi?? idgi??)

*deep sigh* okay, so here’s the thing… (this might be a longer answer than you bargained for, but it needs to be said)

yes, I’ve seen it (I’m usually willing to give the latest bandwagon a shot just to see if it’s something I could also be into). I just finished chapter 12 today. KS is a train wreck, but not necessarily in a bad way (aside from the extremely obvious). it’s gruesome and horrifying and makes your skin crawl and your stomach turn but you can’t look away. it is definitely not for the faint of heart. that being said, it’s not bad. as a story, it’s intense and draws you in (if you can handle the heavier parts). the characters are incredibly flawed but incredibly well developed and written. the art is also very interesting (and I really like it tbh). the style is really bold and a big step away from what I usually see in manhwa.

but it absolutely is not comparable to YOI and should not be.

yoi gave us so many things that a lot of people have been frothing at the mouth for, namely beautiful animation, music, and a healthy, open, unfetishized same-sex relationship. 

a lot of people looking for the next big thing to ship (looking at all the fujoshi out there) jumped over to KS for the wrong reasons. the main characters in KS (Yoonbum and Sangwoo) should not be shipped. the comic makes no excuses or tries to cover up the fact that their relationship (and I use that term very loosely here) is incredibly unhealthy and abusive and manipulative. it is not a romance. it’s not even tagged as one. it is an unapologetic psychological horror. there is literally no redemption story here. if there is any justice, it will end badly with one or both of them either dead or in jail.

that’s mostly what I wanted to say about it, but I’m going to add one more little bit about mental illness depicted in KS, and this can totally be skipped over because it’s just my observation and personal opinion on the subject (this is mostly just if any of you have read or decide to check out KS, because I see a lot of people questioning and confused by some behavior that, to me, is very understandable, so it’s just a bit of perspective):

in chapter 1, we find out that Yoonbum has bpd (borderline personality disorder). this is a disorder that I also have. I knew the basics of KS going into it and was immediately put off because bpd is often portrayed horribly and all I could think was “fuck, yet another perpetuation that we’re crazy and/or dangerous” and I really considered quitting the series right then and there. but I continued on (mostly out of spite) because I wanted to make an argument that this was not how bpd actually is. 

I wanted to be angry at it, I wanted to hate it, but as I kept reading it…I couldn’t. because as horrible as it is, it’s really spot on. it’s an excellent depiction of the darker side of mental illness that lately we try not to talk about by basically saying “not all mentally ill” when the fact is…yeah, absolutely not all, not even most, but some. Yoonbum and Sangwoo are what can happen when two very disturbed and damaged people come together and have their personalities play off of each other with terrible consequences for literally everyone involved. it’s rare, but it can and does happen. there’s plenty of recorded history of it involving serial killers.

and about Yoonbum’s bpd: again, I wanted to be mad about how it was portrayed, but I just couldn’t. for those not familiar, bpd basically boils down to a mood disorder that results in unstable moods, behaviors, and relationships. it usually comes with an intense fear of rejection and abandonment (real or perceived) in addition to the mood swings. there’s also often a big problem with either idolizing someone or completely devaluing them (and sometimes swinging between the two with the same person). there’s a lot more to it (and if you’re interested, you can read a little more about the basics here) but with Yoonbum, when it comes down to it, as much as I wanted to say “that’s not how it is”…I can’t. the author obviously either has/knows someone with/or did a lot of research on bpd, because if I’m being completely honest with myself, if I didn’t have a partner who was as aware and supportive and understanding as I do, I could easily see myself ending up in a situation similar to Yoonbum (hopefully minus the murder).

bpd can wreak havoc on your personal relationships. I have very few people who I can call my friends because most people can’t deal with my instability (and I don’t blame them at all, it’s a lot to ask someone to accept). a lot of my familial relationships are shallow and strained because people just don’t understand why I act the way I do, despite my best efforts to be “normal”. you feel worthless and will look for anyone to validate you and give you some sort of purpose (I know from personal experiences, most of which were very bad and did much more harm than good). so I really lucked out to end up with someone chill enough to not only help ground me but also someone who pushes me to find purpose in myself instead of in him/other people.

it’s very easy for me to relate to and understand Yoonbum because I could have very easily been him. he’s not innocent in this. he’s not 100% a victim here. very poor choices on his part put him in a situation that is now out of his control. but I will say, as someone who struggles with and fights against similar thoughts and feelings, sometimes it is extremely difficult not to act on the sudden impulses and irrational thinking like he did. and seeing as he apparently had none of even what support I’ve been able to find, I’m not surprised at all by any of his behavior.