#these messages are always very sweet and I hope everyone continues to enjoy Croissant's little story

[a2zillustration]

Sorry for saying this in anon. I'm a nervous piece of shit. Anyways! Just wanted to say Croissant's adventures bring me joy.

Aw, thank you! It brings me joy to know that Croissant and their adventures bring joy to others! Also no need to apologize, I too understand the the plight of Not Wanting To Be Perceived

[chamibii]

Cat Cookies - KiriBaku Fluff

Life never made more sense to Bakugou than when he was kneading dough, rolling out dough, and twisting it into wonderful shapes to make treats that drew his customers in from cities and states over. He didn't have to think about anything, but allowed the muscles in his hands, arms, and shoulders to take over. He tried to hire other people, but found that they disturbed the peace that baking gave him, so he downsized and ended up drawing more clientele because after a certain hour, he would sell out and remind his customers that there would be no more until the next day because he was the owner and the only worker in the bakery.

He often came in to work as early as 3am to mix, knead, and bake and began to notice that customers started lining up at 5am, despite the shop opening at 7am. He had the reputation of an all around curmudgeon, but when he saw customers shivering in the cold, the next morning at 4:45am, he sat up a table with fresh bread and a pot of coffee, and a tip jar because he didn't want anyone to think he was becoming as soft and sweet as the treats he made.

One early morning, he arrived to open his shop a little past 3 and noticed a tall, spikey haired man waiting by the entrance. He paused, shop key in hand, and debated on whether or not to return to his car until the man left. He decided that if someone was here to rob him, they would find out that he was more than just a baker after they received the ass whoopin' of a life time. He shrugged and continued to his shop to open up.

"We don't open until 7 buddy. It's 3:15. Get lost."

He peered over at the tall man and noticed that his spikey hair was dyed a bright red that almost matched the ruby irises that were surrounded by thick black lashes. Bakugou snorted in surprise and amusement as he realized the man was wearing a sweater with a fluffy white cat on the front.

"With that shitty hair and that ridiculous sweater, I know you aren't here to rob me. I'll put out coffee, fresh bread, and my tip jar at 4:45am. No earlier."

The red man looked offended and opened his mouth to speak, but was too late as Bakugou had already entered into the bakery and locked the front door.

From the vantage point in the kitchen, Bakugou watched as "Red", his name for the stranger, shivered in the cold. In the five years that his shop had been opened, he'd never had a customer show up this early. He thought the man was a fuckin' weirdo, but also thought it was flattering that someone would come almost 4 hours before the shop opened, just to sample his breads, cookies, cupcakes, and other delectable items. He finished prepping the days delicacies and checked his watch. The time read 4:35. He looked outside at Red and noticed that he was leaning his shitty red hair against the glass of his building. Annoyance caused his skin to prickle. He strode quickly over to the glass and gave three quick raps against the window, effectively scaring the man awake.

"Get your shitty hair off my clean window dumbass!" Bakugou loudly admonished. He watched in amusement as the man's hands flitted up to his hair and his eyebrows crinkled in disagreement.

"My hair isn't as shitty as your attitude dude."

Bakugou laughed loudly. He shook his head and walked away from the man, disappearing in the kitchen. When he returned to the front, the man was seated on the cold ground, arms pulled inside his hideous cat sweater to keep warm. Bakugou opened the front door and stepped out in the chilly winter air.

"Hey Red, here." He held out a fresh croissant dripping with warm butter and honey and a cup of cinnamon hot chocolate.

The man looked up at him with shock. Bakugou sighed and rolled his eyes. "Either take it or I'm going to eat it and I make it a point to not eat what I bake or I'd be terribly out of shape and I'll blame you."

Red stood slowly, eyes narrowed, and took the croissant and hot chocolate. Bakugou watched as sharp teeth nibbled the edge of the croissant and ruby eyes closed, satisfied and savoring the flavor. "Thanks man", Red mumbled around a mouthful of pastry.

"Didn't anyone ever teach you it's rude to speak with your mouth full of food, cretin?"

Red snorted, sending crumbs flying. "Cretin? I haven't heard that one before." He had a very nice toothy grin that made him look like less of an idiot.

Bakugou dusted crumbs from his white apron and reminded the man, "The table will be out soon. Don't tell anyone you got food prior, or I'll make sure whatever you get is harder to chew than a brick." He turned and headed back into the bakery without giving Red a chance to reply.

At 7am, he turned his sign around to open, unlocked the door, and positioned himself behind the counter, ready to serve. Red, of course, was the first one in. "What do you want shitty hair?"

Red laughed softly and pulled out a sheet of paper. "I would like to order 15 cat cookies please."

Bakugou cocked his head in confusion. "Cat cookies? And you waited in line to place an order?"

The man behind Red tapped his foot impatiently and called out, "Hey jackass, we all know that orders are only completed online. Hurry up and move, I'm gonna be late for work."

Bakugou leaned around Red and glared at the customer, silencing him. "Orders are only completed online and what the fuck is a cat cookie?"

The red man blushed as brightly as hair and stammered out an apology. "Oh man, I'm so sorry. I'm such an idiot."

"I don't disagree," Bakugou interrupted.

Red continued, ignoring the comment, "My uh, cat is having a birthday party, I mean I'm giving her a birthday party and wanted to get some cookies for the party. I wanted them to be shaped like her. So, cat cookies."

Bakugou's eyes widened in amusement. He bit his bottom lip to keep from laughing. The customer behind Red however, laughed loudly and called him a "fucking loser". Bakugou watched as the smile faltered and Red went to step to the side, softly apologizing for "wasting your time". Bakugou held up a hand to stop him and glared at the customer.

"Out of my shop asshole." He pointed to the front door.

The man opened his mouth to argue and Bakugou growled low, "Out. Now."

The man, bristling with indignation, took out his cell phone and threatened to leave a bad review on Yelp. Bakugou laughed harshly and called out, as the man was leaving, "Fuck yelp and fuck you!"

"Now, about these cat cookies...I'll do this once. Next time you place an order online like everyone else. You got that?" He hoped the smile would return and hid his own when Red smiled down at him with eyes that shone as brightly.

"Thanks man! Your attitude isn't as shitty as I thought."

"Well, your hair still is. Your cookies will be ready tomorrow morning before we close. Next!" He waved Red away and watched as he happily trotted out of the shop.

---

The next morning, Bakugou spent extra time frosting the cookies, making sure they were perfect. He told himself he always took this much care with an order, but he knew there was another reason. He never made cutesy cookies like this, believing it cheapened his art, but he had to admit to himself that he liked the way they came out and was hoping that Red would grace him with that gorgeous smile. Before closing, Red breezed in, wearing another ridiculous cat sweater, leggings, and crocs as red as his hair. Bakugou groaned inwardly. How could this disastrous ensemble be so fucking cute on this man? Despite the outfit, Bakugou was more surprised to see that the red hair hung loosely around his shoulders and before he could stop himself, said,

"Your hair is nice today Red." He blushed and pushed the box of cookies into Red's face.

"Kirishima. And thanks. I didn't have time to do it. Planning a party for today took up a lot of my time." He chuckled and placed the box on the counter.

"You should become a full time cat party planner then." Bakugou sarcastically quipped. He watched as Kirishima snorted, covering his smile with his hand. He couldn't help but smile.

"Thanks for the cookies man. I'll let you know how Elsie and her guests enjoy them." He smiled softly and left the bakery.

---

The next morning, at 4:30, Kirishima showed up to the bakery. Bakugou saw him from the kitchen and watched as he held up a bag and pointed excitedly to it. Bakugou raised an eyebrow and shrugged. Kirishima gestured for him to come out. He wiped his hands on his apron and walked to the door. Opening the door a crack, he poked his head out, "What's in the bag?"

"Breakfast!" Kirishima cheerily exclaimed. He pushed the bag into Bakugou's chest and the aroma of fresh cooked sausage, eggs, and cheese, made his mouth water. "Elsie and I made it for you as a thank you! She enjoyed the cookies dude and so did I. So, thanks!"

Bakugou watched as Red walked away waving wildly. Gods he was so annoyingly cute. He held up a stiff hand in a wave and went to the kitchen to enjoy the homemade breakfast burrito. As he was chewing, he got an online order from "Shitty Hair". He choked on his food, laughing loudly at the use of the insult as the customer name. He opened the order and saw that it was for a loaf of bread. Bakugou replied,

"Elsie need a loaf of bread with her bowl of milk?"

He waited anxiously for the reply and smiled when his computer "dinged" alerting him to the message.

"Nope, this is just for me. An excuse to see this cute guy I met while waiting for you to open your shop the other day."

Oh.

Bakugou tapped out a short reply. "It'll be ready first thing tomorrow."

He busied himself with finishing baking and opening the shop. His heart felt heavy and he realized that he maybe had a slight crush on Red, which was stupid, but he couldn't help but be attracted to a man that was just as sarcastic as he was.

---

He made the loaf of bread, packaged it neatly and threw in two half and half cookies. When Kirishima came to pick up his order, Bakugou noticed that his hair was in an intricate but delicate braid, he wore a black hoodie, jeans, and motorcycle boots.

"No cat sweater today?"

Kirishima laughed and shook his head. "Nah, you caught me on my days off from work. I'm just going in to the office today."

"Oh, well, I threw in a couple of half and half cookies for you and the guy you met. You two enjoy." Before Bakugou turned back to the kitchen, he saw confusion cloud Kirishima's eyes.

"Thanks Bakugou," Kirishima called out before he left. Bakugou watched him place the package in his backpack, slip the helmet on his head, and start up his bike. Kirishima looked back at the shop and lifted a hand in a weak wave. Bakugou turned around and busied himself with whatever was closest.

He knew his reaction was stupid, but he enjoyed flirting with Red. Now that he knew Red was seeing someone else, he wouldn't feel right about flirting. He sighed and prepared himself to receive customers, but was drawn to his computer when he heard the sound alerting him to an order.

Kirishima: 3 cookies with the words "will you go out with me?". Please box them in the nicest package you have. I plan on asking this guy out. I thought the bread would work as a hint, but obviously he didn't get it.

Bakugou replied: What dumbass flirts with baked goods?

A few seconds later he received a reply: The same dumbass that gave his cat a birthday party. See you tomorrow at closing for my order.

---

Bakugou wanted to mess up the order so the cookies came out bad, but couldn't bring himself to do so. He took too much pride in his work. So, he made the cookies to perfection, carefully packaging everything and waited for Kirishima to show up.

Right at closing, Bakugou heard the roar of a motorcycle engine. He sighed sadly and placed the cookies on the counter and retreated to the back.

"Bakugou?" Kirishima called out.

"M'busy, cookies are on the counter. Thanks for your business and good luck Shitty Hair."

"Thanks, I guess."

He heard Kirishima hesitate, and then walk out. He waited for the sound of the motorcycle turning over, before he left, but not hearing the loud whine of the engine, decided to sneak out the back. He locked up the shop and started on his short walk home.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't hear the voice call his name. He felt a tap on his shoulder and spun around to a box being shoved into his chest by a blushing Kirishima. He took the box. "Something wrong with the order?" Brows furrowed in concern he waited for Kirishima to reply. He stared up at the blushing man, waiting.

Kirishima shook his head. Bakugou placed the box back in his hands and reminded him, "No refunds on my baked goods."

He turned to leave and felt Kirishima touch his arm. He sighed loudly and turned around to the box held out to him.

"Did I spell something wrong? What is it Shitty Hair?"

He watched as Kirishima lowered his head and mumbled.

"What?"

"The cookies... for you."

Bakugou inhaled softly and held onto the box. "Me?"

Kirishima nodded, his eyes still trained on his boots. "Yeah. So, uh, will you?" His ruby gaze met Bakugou's red eyes and he felt his face flush.

He nodded, at a loss for words, and the beautiful smile he had been dying to see, spread wide against Kirishima's face.

"You know, you coulda just asked me without buying cookies dumbass. I still don't understand what kind of person flirts with baked goods."

Bakugou smiled as Kirishima's hand found his and laughed softly when he replied, "the same kind of person that throws his cat a birthday party."

[imfreefallinall]

Dear Friends (Fake Friends part 2)

2,2k of angst, sad but strong reader. (A lot of) swearing but also a lot of empowering words.

I know this isn’t really an imagine related to Shawn but I wanted to give Fake Friends a fair sequel- and end- because I feel like it is an important topic. Everyone feels lonely sometimes but we react in different ways. I hope that this writing can help you to see a lighten future where you leave back all the toxic people in your life.

Please know that feedback (as reblogs, likes, grammar suggestions and messages) are super appreciated. If you want to slide into my dms to talk about everything, I’m B and I’m here to help.

Also, I recommend you to listen to “Real Friends” by Camila Cabello. I really like it and it suits the imagine.

Love ya, enjoy.

B

part 1

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(two days after Y/N’s birthday)

They were right when they said we wouldn’t stop partying for a second. In fact, we didn’t. We went to Milan and Verona, where Shawn and I shared a sweet kiss under Juliet’s balcony while he was humming “Love Story” by Taylor. One night we went to a local club and came home at six, after eating hot croissants for breakfast.

So today, the last day of my crazy long-weekend birthday celebration, we voted for staying here and visiting the little city I grew up in. We are strolling around, looking at the shop windows (not really interested in buying anything) when I see one of my old classmates with a baby in a stroller. I feel my lungs contract, gasping for air for a few seconds; probably even my heart misses a few beats. Then I feel all the anger, humiliation and sadness I repressed for years coming back to surface. My heart then starts so race quickly, palms getting a little sweaty while they close into tightened fists. I take a deep breath, trying to come back down to Earth. I’m not like that, like them. I am smart and I’m going to behave accordingly.

“Guys, give me a minute” I say smiling a little and starting to go toward her but a big hand gently wraps around my arm.

“That’s Sophia, right? You sure you want to go?” asks Shawn, looking into my eyes to let me know he really was concerned.

“Yeah, I wanna fix this. Sooner or later I’ll have to..go on with my life. I guess sooner is now and I really need to understand why they acted like that” I reply giving him a soft peck on the lips to thank him

“Why don’t you guys go sit in that little bar? I assure you it is super comfy and we’ll have a super tea break with a lot of cookies and stuff” I add, looking at them, waiting for a confirmation. They all nod in response and start to make they way to the tempting showcase full of Italian desserts.

“I’ll go with them but please call me if you need anything,” asks a worried Shawn and I laugh

“Babe she’s not a monster, she’s just a girl”

“A girl who made you suffer for years without any apparent reason. I’ll be your knight in shining armour and I’ll save my mistress” he smiles proudly, making me burst into laughter.

“Gosh, you’re so stupid. You can save your mistress from eating too much sugars later, now go”

“Yup. Just remember that I love you and you’re amazing and everything we talked about, okay?” he pecks me on the cheek and follows the other dudes.

As soon as he’s past the door I move closer to the girl, smiling a little.

“Ehi, Sophia!”

“Ehi Y/N, haven’t seen you in a while! How are you doing?” she asks, hugging me for a few seconds before distancing herself to look at me “You look amazing! look at that body of yours” she smiles again.

“I’m good thanks and you?” I reply kindly “is he yours?” I add, looking at the sleeping baby.

“My brother’s newborn, Luca. He’s cute, isn’t he? I’m fine anyway. Actually, I am engaged!” she exclaims excitedly.

“Really? Wow! It’s amazing, congratulations” I hope I sounded happier than I actually am.

“And I see you’re with Shawn! I still remember when we were talking about him back in 2018, loving his music and his naked torso also” she winks but I don’t actually share a bright smile with her since she’s talking about my amazing boyfriend and not about an object.

“How did you end up together?” what a nice way to ask how we met.

“We met in a library in London. I was there to buy a book and he needed to hide for a few minutes since too many fans were following him. And, yeah, we just started to talk.  Guess he found something special in me” I smile at the memory of that cloudy and ordinary-not-so-ordinary afternoon.

“Yeah, my fiancée is so special. You would have met him, Giorgio, if you came at the dinner. Why didn’t you come again?” she questions as she already didn’t know the answer.

“I wasn’t invited but I’m sure you knew it since you were one of the organisers” I answer directly. Her eyes go a little wider and I could even trust her surprise if I didn’t know she was such an actress.

“Oh, I am so sorry! I thought you were in the Facebook group chat, we sent the invitation there. I’ve lost your number so I assumed Marti would text you or call you” she sounds so fake.

“So there’s even a group chat? Listen, honestly I don’t wanna argue with you but why do you have to be such a bitch?” I wonder, sounding strangely self-conscious.

“Sorry?” she looks at me surprised.

“You heard me. Why do you have to cut me off like that? Why did you even need to cut me off back then?” I continue, now waiting for her to answer.

“I don’t know what are you talking about, we were friends. Yes we didn’t invite you but it was a mistake” she tries to explain but I can see the cruelty patiently waiting behind her big, brown eyes.

“Listen, none of us here is an idiot. Friends do not act like you all acted back in high school. Friends are meant to support each other when one of them falls but even when they succeed. You had never supported me, on none of these occasions. Friends are supposed to be kind to each other, caring and present in every moment, not just when they need something from you. How many times I drove forty minutes on dangerous streets just to come and give you help? And how many times did you do the same for me? Let me tell you, not once. Friends should push you over your limits, make you better; but you always told me I was exaggerating when I was just growing and you continued to declare that I was being bossy while I was just trying to help you through projects and homework because you sucked, mostly because you chatted during class, however, I didn’t want you to fail. Friends talk to each other whenever they do something wrong because they care and they don’t wanna lose their friendship. They don’t smile at your face and then go talk shit behind your back, making you feel bad because of course I found out, every time, what you were saying about me, how you were telling everyone to stay away from me because I always wanted to rule. Friends don’t come around only when they need your help, only when they realize you’re good to them; friends stay by your fucking side, even if you’re being bitchy or bossy or whatever because they know you and they know that if you act like that its because you’re suffering. Friends do not go around, spilling someone else’s secret. I confided to you all of my deepest fears and brightest dreams and you mocked me. I revealed to you all the problems my family was going through and you had the strength to tell me I was just blowing everything out of proportion because I wanted to be pitied. I wanted a sister, a partner in crime, not someone looking at me like I was an oily stain on their favourite sweatshirt. For two years you all came to my birthday parties without a small, insignificant present! I would have loved even a stupid t-shirt. Did you remember how much money we spent every year to buy you expensive presents? And I have never received one! You were so...selfish. How come that this year you sent me a letter to London to wish me a happy birthday? Maybe because now that I’m with Shawn I could be useful?

I have been a friend to you, to all of you. I was always ready to wipe your tears with my fingers while I was still trying to get mine to dry. I let you copy my homework whenever you couldn’t make yours and you wouldn’t even share your snacks with me. To you, I was good only when you realized that no one could give advice like me or that no one would drive in the rain with hot Mc Donald to cheer you the fuck up. And, for sure, friends don’t want to catch up when you happen to have a famous boyfriend they want to impress. So yeah, I guess we weren’t friends and we surely aren’t now.”

“I didn’t know you felt like this, you never told us”

“You never asked! I always shared my happy moments with you. All of those summer nights, when I was on vacation and fell in love with different boys and made such cool experiences and memories you wished you made because you only saw them in movies. You told me I was a bitch because every summer I kissed a different guy while I was just experiencing life, I was being normal. And when I got stuck with one guy in particular you told me I pissed you off because I could only talk about him. You even had the courage to say that I was out of control when I described all those summer nights when I went to that small lounge bar by the seaside and danced the life out of me. You even indicate my parents as crazy because they would let me stay out with my friends to see the sunset and to have breakfast together! For two long years, I stopped having fun with my other friends because I had your voices on replay on my mind, telling me how to behave. You ruined me and it took me so long to get back on my feet, you know?”

“We never told you what to do, we were just being honest” she declares, almost looking offended.

“Yes, you did. You made me feel wrong for a very long time. My light shut down because of you. Fuck, I even gave up on singing because every time I was humming you told me to shut up because I was out of tone” I finish, suddenly feeling exhausted. I have just blurted out all of the scars and pain I had in my body. Now it is a weight she has to share too.

“Well, you don’t seem pretty sad now, do you? You have your beloved Shawn so I guess you’re still a bitch and you’re treating him right, if you know what I mean” she complained harshly. My right hand flies and lands hard on her cheek.

“Don’t you ever talk to me again like that. I wanted, needed you to be my friend. I trusted you. I was fragile and you took advantage of that. But now I’m not fragile anymore. I am strong and happy and most of all I am loved. I hope one day you’ll feel loved too so, maybe, you’ll realize how much of a desperate, lonely woman you are.” I declare emotionless, looking for the last time at her scandalized, silent face.

As I walk in the bar, I realize how broken and unhappy Sophia must be. How insignificant and unsuccessful she must feel. Because as soon as I sit on my boyfriend’s legs, with his arms lovingly wrapped around me and our friends laughing for something stupid Geoff said, I understand that people like Lucie and Sophia, people who act like bullies, just feel alone. They feel like they’re not great and, since they aren’t, you don’t deserve it too. This is what crosses their minds. They do not feel better or superior, trust me. They all feel like they are drowning and they want to drag you down with them. Do not let them.

You need to surround yourself with people who know how to appreciate you, how to treat you at your worst and how to laugh with you at your highest. People who are not afraid to love and to show love. People who spread kindness and who praise happiness at its purest form. I can assure you, the world is full of amazing people who know how to be friends because, yes, everyone is different and we surely are different types of persons and friends but, let me tell you: we, as humans who cherish love, know how to treat each other right and we know how to make each other feel loved. Allow yourself to break free from toxic people, even if its hard, even if you see them every day: distance yourself from them and be happy with new people who treasure you for who you are and not for what you have to offer.

Masterlist

[nosafetynetunderneath]

Dear Friends (Fake Friends part 2)

2,2k of angst, sad but strong reader. (A lot of) swearing but also a lot of empowering words.

I know this isn’t really an imagine related to Shawn but I wanted to give Fake Friends a fair sequel- and end- because I feel like it is an important topic. Everyone feels lonely sometimes but we react in different ways. I hope that this writing can help you to see a lighten future where you leave back all the toxic people in your life.

Please know that feedback (as reblogs, likes, grammar suggestions and messages) are super appreciated. If you want to slide into my dms to talk about everything, I’m B and I’m here to help.

Also, I recommend you to listen to “Real Friends” by Camila Cabello. I really like it and it suits the imagine.

Love ya, enjoy.

B

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(two days after Y/N’s birthday)

They were right when they said we wouldn’t stop partying for a second. In fact, we didn’t. We went to Milan and Verona, where Shawn and I shared a sweet kiss under Juliet’s balcony while he was humming “Love Story” by Taylor. One night we went to a local club and came home at six, after eating hot croissants for breakfast. So today, the last day of my crazy long-weekend birthday celebration, we voted for staying here and visiting the little city I grew up in. We are strolling around, looking at the shop windows (not really interested in buying anything) when I see one of my old classmates with a baby in a stroller. I feel my lungs contract, gasping for air for a few seconds; probably even my heart misses a few beats. Then I feel all the anger, humiliation and sadness I repressed for years coming back to surface. My heart then starts so race quickly, palms getting a little sweaty while they close into tightened fists. I take a deep breath, trying to come back down to Earth. I’m not like that, like them. I am smart and I’m going to behave accordingly.

“Guys, give me a minute” I say smiling a little and starting to go toward her but a big hand gently wraps around my arm.

“That’s Sophia, right? You sure you want to go?” asks Shawn, looking into my eyes to let me know he really was concerned.

“Yeah, I wanna fix this. Sooner or later I’ll have to..go on with my life. I guess sooner is now and I really need to understand why they acted like that” I reply giving him a soft peck on the lips to thank him

“Why don’t you guys go sit in that little bar? I assure you it is super comfy and we’ll have a super tea break with a lot of cookies and stuff” I add, looking at them, waiting for a confirmation. They all nod in response and start to make they way to the tempting showcase full of Italian desserts.

“I’ll go with them but please call me if you need anything,” asks a worried Shawn and I laugh

“Babe she’s not a monster, she’s just a girl”

“A girl who made you suffer for years without any apparent reason. I’ll be your knight in shining armour and I’ll save my mistress” he smiles proudly, making me burst into laughter.

“Gosh, you’re so stupid. You can save your mistress from eating too much sugars later, now go”

“Yup. Just remember that I love you and you’re amazing and everything we talked about, okay?” he pecks me on the cheek and follows the other dudes.

As soon as he’s past the door I move closer to the girl, smiling a little.

“Ehi, Sophia!”

“Ehi Y/N, haven’t seen you in a while! How are you doing?” she asks, hugging me for a few seconds before distancing herself to look at me “You look amazing! look at that body of yours” she smiles again.

“I’m good thanks and you?” I reply kindly “is he yours?” I add, looking at the sleeping baby.

“My brother’s newborn, Luca. He’s cute, isn’t he? I’m fine anyway. Actually, I am engaged!” she exclaims excitedly.

“Really? Wow! It’s amazing, congratulations” I hope I sounded happier than I actually am.

“And I see you’re with Shawn! I still remember when we were talking about him back in 2018, loving his music and his naked torso also” she winks but I don’t actually share a bright smile with her since she’s talking about my amazing boyfriend and not about an object.

“How did you end up together?” what a nice way to ask how we met.

“We met in a library in London. I was there to buy a book and he needed to hide for a few minutes since too many fans were following him. And, yeah, we just started to talk.  Guess he found something special in me” I smile at the memory of that cloudy and ordinary-not-so-ordinary afternoon.

“Yeah, my fiancée is so special. You would have met him, Giorgio, if you came at the dinner. Why didn’t you come again?” she questions as she already didn’t know the answer.

“I wasn’t invited but I’m sure you knew it since you were one of the organisers” I answer directly. Her eyes go a little wider and I could even trust her surprise if I didn’t know she was such an actress.

“Oh, I am so sorry! I thought you were in the Facebook group chat, we sent the invitation there. I’ve lost your number so I assumed Marti would text you or call you” she sounds so fake.

“So there’s even a group chat? Listen, honestly I don’t wanna argue with you but why do you have to be such a bitch?” I wonder, sounding strangely self-conscious.

“Sorry?” she looks at me surprised.

“You heard me. Why do you have to cut me off like that? Why did you even need to cut me off back then?” I continue, now waiting for her to answer.

“I don’t know what are you talking about, we were friends. Yes we didn’t invite you but it was a mistake” she tries to explain but I can see the cruelty patiently waiting behind her big, brown eyes.

“Listen, none of us here is an idiot. Friends do not act like you all acted back in high school. Friends are meant to support each other when one of them falls but even when they succeed. You had never supported me, on none of these occasions. Friends are supposed to be kind to each other, caring and present in every moment, not just when they need something from you. How many times I drove forty minutes on dangerous streets just to come and give you help? And how many times did you do the same for me? Let me tell you, not once. Friends should push you over your limits, make you better; but you always told me I was exaggerating when I was just growing and you continued to declare that I was being bossy while I was just trying to help you through projects and homework because you sucked, mostly because you chatted during class, however, I didn’t want you to fail. Friends talk to each other whenever they do something wrong because they care and they don’t wanna lose their friendship. They don’t smile at your face and then go talk shit behind your back, making you feel bad because of course I found out, every time, what you were saying about me, how you were telling everyone to stay away from me because I always wanted to rule. Friends don’t come around only when they need your help, only when they realize you’re good to them; friends stay by your fucking side, even if you’re being bitchy or bossy or whatever because they know you and they know that if you act like that its because you’re suffering. Friends do not go around, spilling someone else’s secret. I confided to you all of my deepest fears and brightest dreams and you mocked me. I revealed to you all the problems my family was going through and you had the strength to tell me I was just blowing everything out of proportion because I wanted to be pitied. I wanted a sister, a partner in crime, not someone looking at me like I was an oily stain on their favourite sweatshirt. For two years you all came to my birthday parties without a small, insignificant present! I would have loved even a stupid t-shirt. Did you remember how much money we spent every year to buy you expensive presents? And I have never received one! You were so...selfish. How come that this year you sent me a letter to London to wish me a happy birthday? Maybe because now that I’m with Shawn I could be useful?

I have been a friend to you, to all of you. I was always ready to wipe your tears with my fingers while I was still trying to get mine to dry. I let you copy my homework whenever you couldn’t make yours and you wouldn’t even share your snacks with me. To you, I was good only when you realized that no one could give advice like me or that no one would drive in the rain with hot Mc Donald to cheer you the fuck up. And, for sure, friends don’t want to catch up when you happen to have a famous boyfriend they want to impress. So yeah, I guess we weren’t friends and we surely aren’t now.”

“I didn’t know you felt like this, you never told us”

“You never asked! I always shared my happy moments with you. All of those summer nights, when I was on vacation and fell in love with different boys and made such cool experiences and memories you wished you made because you only saw them in movies. You told me I was a bitch because every summer I kissed a different guy while I was just experiencing life, I was being normal. And when I got stuck with one guy in particular you told me I pissed you off because I could only talk about him. You even had the courage to say that I was out of control when I described all those summer nights when I went to that small lounge bar by the seaside and danced the life out of me. You even indicate my parents as crazy because they would let me stay out with my friends to see the sunset and to have breakfast together! For two long years, I stopped having fun with my other friends because I had your voices on replay on my mind, telling me how to behave. You ruined me and it took me so long to get back on my feet, you know?” 

“We never told you what to do, we were just being honest” she declares, almost looking offended.

“Yes, you did. You made me feel wrong for a very long time. My light shut down because of you. Fuck, I even gave up on singing because every time I was humming you told me to shut up because I was out of tone” I finish, suddenly feeling exhausted. I have just blurted out all of the scars and pain I had in my body. Now it is a weight she has to share too.

“Well, you don’t seem pretty sad now, do you? You have your beloved Shawn so I guess you’re still a bitch and you’re treating him right, if you know what I mean” she complained harshly. My right hand flies and lands hard on her cheek.

“Don’t you ever talk to me again like that. I wanted, needed you to be my friend. I trusted you. I was fragile and you took advantage of that. But now I’m not fragile anymore. I am strong and happy and most of all I am loved. I hope one day you’ll feel loved too so, maybe, you’ll realize how much of a desperate, lonely woman you are.” I declare emotionless, looking for the last time at her scandalized, silent face.

As I walk in the bar, I realize how broken and unhappy Sophia must be. How insignificant and unsuccessful she must feel. Because as soon as I sit on my boyfriend’s legs, with his arms lovingly wrapped around me and our friends laughing for something stupid Geoff said, I understand that people like Lucie and Sophia, people who act like bullies, just feel alone. They feel like they’re not great and, since they aren’t, you don’t deserve it too. This is what crosses their minds. They do not feel better or superior, trust me. They all feel like they are drowning and they want to drag you down with them. Do not let them.

You need to surround yourself with people who know how to appreciate you, how to treat you at your worst and how to laugh with you at your highest. People who are not afraid to love and to show love. People who spread kindness and who praise happiness at its purest form. I can assure you, the world is full of amazing people who know how to be friends because, yes, everyone is different and we surely are different types of persons and friends but, let me tell you: we, as humans who cherish love, know how to treat each other right and we know how to make each other feel loved. Allow yourself to break free from toxic people, even if its hard, even if you see them every day: distance yourself from them and be happy with new people who treasure you for who you are and not for what you have to offer.

masterlist

part 1