#these guys are NOT nice dudes most of the time

[sorryitsmyfirstdayonearth]

We're so bad together (I think I was made for you) (Dean Winchester x female reader)

After a hard day at work you are out in a bar, having a drink, when a handsome stranger by the name of Dean Winchester walks in. You both have a little secret though.

Read it on AO3

Rated E. 5.2k words. Role-playing. Dean cockblocking random dudes at bars. Dean being a massive flirt. Everyone's having a good time (except random bar guy).

Traveling for work has its perks – you get to see the country, make your own schedule and the anonymity of it can be nice.

The downside? Killing time in shitty motels and boring bars.

Sometimes you yearn for the comfort of a place you could come home to every night, a little nest, although you despise the word, all for yourself. Maybe one day.

Because another upside to life on the road? Handsome strangers.

Your day has been long and tiring and you just want a drink. The bar isn’t a dive bar, but a slightly hip place, with white wood and low, thrumming music in the background. The drinks carry ironic names and they only have craft beer. It’s not so bad, plus you get some olives at the bar instead of pretzels and peanuts, which is a nice change of pace.

You sit down at one of the stools at the bar and order a vodka soda. While you wait for your drink, you look around. Most small towns don’t have these sorts of places, but where you are now is just close enough to a bigger city that there’s probably enough young professionals to get good business.

You stretch your neck a little, making the thin chain necklace around your neck move, feeling some tension there. The barkeep brings you your drink, and you smile and thank him, take a sip and sigh.

A group of five walk up next to you at the bar. They’re all in office clothes, their suit jackets taken off, the women putting their hair into pony tails, trying to get comfortable, and you thank the heavens that you don’t have a dress code for your job. They’re chatting and joking, seem to know each other well.

You pick this up without paying very much attention to them. The work you do requires you to be aware of your surroundings all the time, and it’s a hard habit to drop. You sip your drink. There’s a TV over the bar, and the news are on, so you watch that for a while.

“You want another drink?”

You expect it to be the barkeep, but your drink is still half full so it’s a weird thing to ask. But when you turn, you see it’s not the barkeep, but one of the guys from the group that’s next to you at the bar. You look down at your glass.

“Thanks,” you say, a polite smile on your lips, “I’m good right now.”

“Oh,” he says, making a bit of a face. “I was actually just using that as a way to start talking to you.”

You look at him. He’s cute. Curly hair, a nice face. Not too bad looking in his pressed suit.

You smile again. “That’s sweet, but like I said, I still have a drink.”

He sits down on the chair next to you and you raise your eyebrows. You thought you were being pretty clear.

He lowers his voice, like he’s telling you a secret. “Look,” he says, moving his head to indicate the group he’s with. “Those are my friends and they’re real good people, but the thing is, I’ve been single for a while now and they get very excited about the idea of me finding someone.”

“O-kay,” you say, not sure what all of this has to do with you.

“And,” yuppie boy continues, “I may have made the mistake of pointing out that I think you’re extremely pretty and they told me not to came back to them without your number.”

It’s not bad as far as contrived ways to chat someone up go. It puts you and him on the same team, and really, you’re just helping him out, right? Poor guy, ostracized by his friends. You swallow your disdain for the situation.

“Wow,” you say, “Sounds like you’re in a tough spot.” He grins, a little too proud of himself and extends his hand. “I’m Colin.”

You don’t take his hand. “Colin,” you say, and now you’re the one leaning in, “I think you’re full of shit.”

He blanks at that for a second, and then laughs uproariously. “Damn,” he says when he’s stopped laughing, “you’re a wild one, aren’t you?” You resist the urge to roll your eyes.

“Can I give you some feedback?” you ask. “Sure,” Colin says, still thinking that this is going well.

“You don’t have to make up a story about your friends and how you’ve been single for a long time,” you say to him. “If you see someone you think is hot at a bar, you can just say that.” Colin keeps grinning.

“You might say you didn’t like the story, but who’s sitting here with me, chatting?” he asks.

Tapping your fingers on the bar, you don’t point out that he simply sat down and you had no intention to talk to him.

“Well, like I said,” you continue, and start turning away from him, “I have a drink.”

“Come ooon,” he says, and his tone is a little petulant, “we were having fun.”

You’re about to turn back and tell Colin to get his ass away from you when the front door to your right opens. Your habit to know what’s going on around you makes you look and then you can’t stop looking.

He’s the best-looking man you’ve ever seen. His face is the perfect mix of stunningly handsome and heart-wrenchingly pretty. He has hair you just want to run your hands through, grip and see what noises he makes. He’s tall and broad-shouldered and he walks with a swagger that seems to make the air bend around him.

He’s breath-taking, in every sense of the word.

He walks in and looks around like he owns the place. His clothes make him stick out like a sore thumb in this place of business casual, but somehow, if that’s even possible, that makes him more attractive. He’s a full and perfect picture.

And, while he scans the place, his eyes land on you.

You distantly hear Colin with the shitty friends say something but you don’t listen to it. Because you are making eye contact with this man and then he is walking towards you. He does it without taking his eyes off you and you feel a shiver run down your spine. There’s something intense about him.

“Sorry, did you hear what I said?” You whip your head around and Colin is basically inside your ear. Jesus, personal space much?

“What?” you say.

“I was saying,” Colin repeats, “that they have this really cool mixer here on Wednesdays and if you’ve ever been to that, because my buddy Frank, he—”

“This seat taken?”

Both you and Colin fall silent as you turn the other way again. It’s the guy and his voice is deep and raspy and you feel it all the way down to your crotch.

“No,” you say, looking at him. His eyes are strikingly green, the greenest you’ve ever seen. There’s some stubble on his face and you wonder what it would feel like under your fingertips, against your skin.

“Uh, sorry man,” Colin says. Oh Colin. “We were actually just talking?”

Handsome guy doesn’t sit, instead he leans sideways against the bar, which brings him much closer to you.

“Lady doesn’t seem very interested,” he says, not letting his eyes leave you. A small grin forms on your lips

“Not a lady,” you say. A devilish smile plays on his face. “No?” You shake your head a little.

“Do you guys, like, know each other?” Colin asks behind you, and you can’t blame him, because the easiness with which you two talk is a little intense.

“Name’s Dean,” he says, extending his hand to you. You hesitate for a second, then shake it, say your name.

“Pretty,” Dean says, while his eyes drop down to your lips. Holy hell.

Suddenly you see an arm extend past you, and Colin starts: “My name is –" Dean looks away from your face for the first time, past you.

“I didn’t ask,” he interrupts. You almost feel bad for Colin, but then Dean looks back at your face and you forget there is anyone else in the bar.

“So,” he says. “You from around here?”

“No,” you say, “just here on business.” Dean nods. “Same with me. You stayin’ in town for long?”

“I wasn’t planning on,” you reply. “Unless something interesting comes up.”

Dean’s smile broadens at what might have been an accidental double entendre from you.

“Interesting, huh?” he asks, and his gaze drops down to your hands briefly, maybe checking for a ring? He won’t find it there.

Colin clears his throat, and asks: “So you don’t want that drink?”

You look away from Dean, which isn’t easy, and turn to him.

“Colin,” you say, “give it up, buddy.” He looks a little taken aback and you think he’s about to say something, but then he tucks tail and leaves. Good for him on knowing when he’s beat. And you and Dean have your peace at last.

As you turn back, Dean’s looking over your shoulder after Colin.

“Can’t blame a guy for trying,” he says and you incline your head.

“True,” you say, “but you can blame him for not taking no for an answer.”

Dean nods, then turns to you again. “So, you not interested in any company or just his?” You lean forward a little. “Depends on what you’ve got to offer, Dean.”

He grins again, that boyish grin that makes him look like he should be on posters on the walls of male-attracted teens throughout the country.

“I have a room not far from here,” he says. “Maybe we could go there, see if we can’t make something, how did you say, interesting come up?”

What he’s saying is cheesy as hell and would probably do better in an 80’s porno, but somehow he makes it work. It’s like he knows how ridiculous it is, but he’s leaning into it so hard that it comes around to being sexy again.

You look him up and down again. He’s handsome as sin and although it’s been a long day and you were planning on having another drink and some dinner, you think you should just roll with it.

“Well, then, Dean,” you say, and bite your lip, making him look at your mouth. “Lead the way.”

You pay for your drink and Dean walks you out to his car, which is almost as sexy as he is. He opens the passenger door for you and just as you’re about to get in he grabs your arm and pulls you towards him.

His lips meet yours and then you have your arms wrapped around his neck and he’s pushing your back against the side of the car. He’s a good kisser and what he’s doing with his hands isn’t half bad either. They wander down to your ass and he squeezes it, pushing himself against you in the process.

“Shit,” he says, when you part to catch your breath, “I wish I could just do you right here.”

“Oh yeah?” you say, and use the opportunity to drag your tongue across his jaw, making him shudder. “Just bend me over the car and have your way with me?”

Dean raises his eyebrows. “Wow, that’s, uhm,” he says, then seems to think for a second. “But yeah, something like that.”

You chuckle. You actually flustered him.

Dean’s hand goes back to the door. “Shall we?”

While he’s driving you watch him. You particularly like the little bump in his otherwise perfectly straight nose. A small imperfection that makes the whole picture even better.

“Enjoying the view?” Dean asks, and turns his head to you. You’re leaning back against the door, one leg angled up on the seat and his eyes go to your face but then run over you, before coming back to your face.

“Eyes on the road, cowboy,” you say, and he grins and turns back. That grin is seriously getting to you and you don’t know if you can contain yourself if you see it again.

Turns out it’s not what you should be worried about since his right hand snakes along the bench seat and finds its way to your thigh. His hands are as perfect as the rest of him, a little rough looking. You bite your lip. He must work really good with his hands. His touch on you is gentle though, and his fingers travel up and down your thigh, going a little higher each time.

“Anything in particular you’re looking for?” you ask, and then he does the grin again, goddamn it.

“Just getting the lay of the land,” he says, then adds: “We’re almost there, couple of minutes.”

“Then we should make the most of it,” you answer, and lean forward.

You sit up, close to Dean, and run one hand over his chest, then move your head to gently nibble at his ear. He sighs.

“You do this kinda thing a lot?” he asks, trying to act cool as you run one hand up his leg, coming close to his crotch. “Going home with strange men you meet in bars?”

You reply while your lips move down to his neck: “Only when they’re as handsome as you, which, I don’t think that’s ever happened, so no.” His chuckle vibrates against you.

“Good thing I am very susceptible to flattery,” he says. “So no husband or boyfriend who’ll coming looking to beat my face in tomorrow? You’re single?”

Instead of answering you nip at his neck, making him flinch. He’s about to say something else when your hand moves over his crotch and finds his cock. You bring your other hand there, slowly undoing his fly and it actually shuts him up for a second as you run your hand into his pants, squeezing him playfully.

“If I wasn’t single,” you say, and slowly begin stroking him, “would you want me to stop?”

He sounds like he tries to slow his breathing, as his eyes go back and forth between the dark road and your hand down his pants.

“I don’t, agh,” he says and is interrupted by a small moan leaving him as you keep touching him, “I don’t think I have that kind of willpower.” You grin, watching his face, his eyebrows knotting, his tongue going over his lips.

“I guess there’s no point in asking then, is there?” you say, picking up your speed.

“Yeah,” he says, and takes a sharp breath through his teeth. “Just hard to imagine someone this hot being s—”

He doesn’t finish the sentence because just then you lower your head, take his dick out of his pants and wrap your lips around it.

“Fuck,” he says instead, arm going to your back. His breathing is picking up and he is slowly rocking himself up, meeting you. You drag your tongue along him, your hand jerking off the part of him that’s not in your mouth.

“Jesus Christ, you’re good at this,” he grunts and his hand goes to your hair. The rocking is getting more intense and you start to feel him twitch in your mouth.

So you stop, pull your head up and sit back, your own breathing heavy.

“Why would you stop?” Dean complains immediately. His second hand goes back to the wheel, and he’s white-knuckling it.

You wipe your mouth, get some hair out of your face. “Please,” you say, tone unbelieving, “you think I’m gonna blow you and then I’ll just wait an hour to get mine?” He actually looks offended.

“An hour?” he says, voice sounding hurt. “I am a virile man.” You laugh.

“You’re also not twenty anymore,” you reply. Dean actually chuckles, despite his hurt feeling. “How do you know I’m not twenty?”

You scoff. “Lucky guess?” To his credit, he does chuckle at that.

“Besides,” he says, and his hand is back on your thigh, “there’s plenty of ways I can make you scream my name without my dick getting involved, believe me.” You do believe him.

It doesn’t matter though, because just then you pull into the parking lot of the motel. Dean pulls the car into a spot and turns to you.

“Ready to have your mind blown?” he asks. You feel a grin forming on your face. “Can’t wait.”

He’s on you before the door to the room has even fallen closed. He pulls you against him and kisses you deeply, his tongue pressing its way into your mouth quickly. His hands are exploring your body and then they go to your jeans.

“Do you still need these?” he asks, lips moving against your mouth. “Or can I tear them off you?” You laugh, one of your hands going to the back of his neck, petting him there.

“Can you tear them off without ripping them?” you ask. Dean clicks his tongue.

“I’ll try,” he says, “but with how badly I want you I can’t promise anything.”

He maneuvers you to the bed, unbuttoning your pants in the meantime. You drop down, lift your legs so he can take them off you fully, without ripping them.

He drops down and his mouth goes for your hip, sucking the skin there and your head falls back while a moan escapes you. His lips are soft and full, and then they’re moving on.

He must be telling the truth when he says he wants you badly because he doesn’t even take off your panties, just shoves them to the side and starts kissing you there. Your hand lands on the back of his head, stroking it, and with your other arm you’re leaning up on your elbow, so that you can watch him.

His tongue darts out and starts exploring your clit and you twitch against him, then he licks along your entrance and holy shit you want him badly too.

“Fuck,” he groans, “you’re delicious.” You moan his name and he goes back to your clit, flattens his tongue and starts pressing it against you in a steady rhythm.

“Mmh,” you sigh, “you done this before?” He grins, briefly taking his mouth off of you.

“Can’t talk, darlin’,” he answers, “busy making you come.”

You laugh but then the laugh turns into a moan, because not only is his mouth back on you but he’s also pushing two fingers into you. You arch your back when he quickly finds your g-spot and starts rubbing it.

“Jesus, fuck,” you pant, and lean your head back, pleasure too intense to keep it up. “That feels so amazing.”

Spurred on, Dean starts going faster and soon you have high-pitched moans leaving you. Your head snaps back up when you feel an orgasm approaching and your grip in Dean’s hair tightens.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop,” you barely manage to get out and then you’re coming, and you do scream his name, just like he said you would.

You’re panting and tensing and shaking and Dean’s mouth is off you because he is watching you, but his fingers rub you through the high, prolonging it.

Finally you collapse on the bed, chest heaving. You blink your eyes open and look down yourself at him. It’s fair to say that he looks very proud of himself. Deservedly so.

“Told you I was gonna blow your mind,” he says and you chuckle but it comes out broken. With a strength that is impressive to you you sit up again and pull him close by the shoulders. You wipe some of your wetness off his lips and then kiss him deeply.

“Clothes. Off. Now,” you mutter against him, because yes, part of your brain has definitely been blown out of your skull.

Dean complies, pulls his shirt off his shoulders and then his t-shirt, while you start unbuttoning your own top. Dean’s standing up and just kicking off his jeans when his eyes go down as your shirt falls open, probably to get an eyeful of your tits.

Which he does get, seeing as you opted to go braless today, but his eyes catch on something different: the long gold chain you have around your neck with the thin gold wedding band that’s currently lying between your breasts.

“So,” he says. He sits down next to you, body turned towards you and lets his fingers trail over your ribs and then he kisses you.

“What would your husband think if he knew you were here,” another kiss, this one on your jaw. “And he could watch you and hear you,” he says, lowering his head to reach your nipple and suck it harshly into his mouth, making you hiss. “Scream another man’s name while you come all over his face and mouth?” he continues after letting go. Then he moves to your other nipple, licks it and finally looks up at you. “Hmm? What would he think? You think he’d be into that?”

Your hand wanders down to where he is still covered by his underwear, finding his hardness and squeezing. Dean exhales sharply and you grin.

“I think he would love it,” you say and Dean grins and kisses you, more gentle this time.

“Sounds like a real pervert,” he mutters and you laugh.

Then you’re pulling on the waistband of his underwear and he raises his hips to let you pull it off him, let it fall to his feet. You start stroking him again, and he keeps kissing you, holding your face in his hands and running his fingers through your hair.

“Dean,” you sigh, and it snaps him back into action. He pulls you closer to him, and you too raise your ass so he can pull off your underwear. He pulls you against him then and sits you on his lap, with your back turned to him. You shiver when you feel his erection against your ass.

Dean kisses your shoulder and then you’re lifting yourself up. He pushes his tip against you, stroking you with it for a few seconds and then you’re slowly sinking down on him. He groans at the feeling. Both his hands are on your hips and you hold on to one of them while you lower yourself, until you are soon flush with him.

You remain still for a little bit and Dean resumes kissing your shoulder. You reach one hand behind you, running your fingers along his jaw. One of his hands runs along your front, between your breasts and over them, along your stomach and then down to your clit.

“Come on, baby,” he says. “Show me what you’ve been missing out on.”

He starts petting you, which makes you clench, which in turn makes Dean twitch inside of you, a perfect chain reaction that gets you to start riding him. Slowly at first but not for long. He feels too good, and you want to feel him too much. If you compare him to other lays you’ve found in small town bars he’s already coming out on top, so there’s no need for a lot of preamble.

He’s kneading your breast with the hand that’s not between your legs. He definitely seems to be liking the idea that you have a husband at home and you’re out here scratching your itch with a perfect stranger, because he says: “How long since you’ve been fucked like this, huh?”

It’s not something you’ve really ever been into, but you give it a shot.

“Too long,” you moan, further picking up the pace with which you ride him. “I was so desperate in that bar before you came in.” And then, squeezing him inside of you, which makes his forehead drop to your shoulder, and you can just imagine his face even though you can’t see it, eyes squeezed shut, jaw set, you say: “I saw you and I knew you could get the job done.”

It’s a little porn-y, but you skip the feeling awkward when Dean holds you close and moves you both. He slips out of you and then he’s laying you down on the bed. He gets over you and kisses you, and you grab the back of his head and pull him in.

“Wanna fuck you,” he pants as he grabs his cock and lines himself up. You arch your back up, the chain around your neck dropping over your shoulder.

“One ticket to Pound Town, please,” you say and Dean grins.

“My kind of woman,” he says, and then he’s pushing into you, filling you up. He starts driving into you, long deep strokes that set your core on fire.

“My husband definitely can’t do that,” you say while you run your hands over Dean’s chest. He grins.

“Good thing you found me,” he says, and as if to prove the point his hand wanders down between your bodies, finding your clit. As he starts rubbing you, your head drops back and you bite your lip, a little moan escaping you.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” Dean says, his lips finding your neck, licking the skin there. The way he’s moving his hips is too perfect, a slight pivot upwards when he enters you that makes him bump into all the right places.

You feel another orgasm on the horizon just as Dean starts sucking a mark into your skin. It’s a dumb thing to do, really, because everyone will be able to see it and know what it is, but you don’t care because it feels like his lips were made for exactly this.

You run one hand into his hair, gripping it, while the other is around his shoulders, holding onto him because he is indeed taking you to Pound Town.

“Fuck, yes, you’re so good,” you pant and you expect another line about how you’re obviously not getting it at home but Dean must me closer to his own orgasm than you think, because he just sort of grunts, but then he lets go of your neck and instead brings his lips closer to your ear instead.

“Think I can make you scream my name again?” he says, his voice sounding shaky, but damn if his cockiness isn’t doing all the right things to you.

Your release is getting closer and closer so as an answer you start kissing him again, because you don’t trust your brain to come up with a witty retort. He returns the kiss and you suck on his tongue, but then you need to let go because your body is tensing up as you’re coming.

You scream something, something that could be Dean’s name but also an ancient Latin summoning spell, it’s not totally clear. However it sounds, Dean seems to like it, because he pumps into you a few more times before he’s breathing hard and saying: “I’m so close, baby.”

You bring your face up to his, leaning your forehead against his, while his thrusts shake you. This way you can look into his eyes, that perfect green that you could stare into forever, at least until he presses his face into the side of yours instead because he is coming.

He’s shaking above you, a long moan escaping him, as he keeps thrusting into you to ride it out. You clench around him, making sure to get as much of him as possible.

He stays over you, his mouth near your ear so you can hear and feel his heavy breathing, and you rub your hands over his back, before he pushes himself up.

He kisses you again, and then pulls himself out of you, and drops himself on his back next to you. You’re pretty sure your legs are shot with how hard he fucked you, but you weren’t planning on going anywhere anyway.

Out of the corner of your eyes you see Dean run his hands through his hair. You drop one hand on his chest, your knuckles gently stroking his skin.

“What was… that?” you say after a few seconds.

“That,” Dean says, taking your hand in his and bringing it up to his lips before laying it back on his chest. “That was an earth shattering orgasm, you should recognize these by now.” You chuckle.

“Thought it felt familiar,” you say. “But no, I mean that whole stranger in the bar, fucking me behind my husband’s back business.” You turn your head in his direction. “Didn’t know you were into that.”

Dean looks at you, a cheeky grin on his face. “Just thought I’d try it. I saw that douche chatting you up at the bar, thought it might be fun.” He’s petting your hand now, your wrist. You nod. “Fun it was.”

But then you frown. “You don’t imagine yourself as the husband in this, right?” Dean shakes his head.

“Nah,” he says, “I’m just the stud giving you the night of your life.” He shrugs, the free arm going behind his head. “Maybe we run away together, live in sin.”

“You’re a romantic deep at heart,” you chuckle. He squeezes your hand. “Don’t tell anyone.”

You take your hand back, but only to scoot up to Dean. He opens his arm, letting you lie your head on it, then brings it around you, pulling you close for a second while he kisses your temple, making you hum. When he lets go, his fingers graze the gold chain around your neck.

“You know you’re not gonna lose it, right?” he says quietly. You pull on the chain, hold the ring between your fingers.

“I did lose it, Dean,” you say. “When we had to dig up that grave in Missouri, remember?”

You’re asking him to remember but you don’t even want to remember yourself:

When you realized that the ring wasn’t on your finger any longer it had turned you into a blubbering mess, Dean searching for it while also trying to assure you that it wasn’t a big deal, that you could replace it. But you didn’t want to replace it.

He had found it of course, your hero, and when he pushed it onto your finger, for the second time you later noted, you had hugged him and kissed him, your tears making his face wet.

Now you pull the chain off your neck, open it, and let the ring slide into your palm. You put it on and then drop your hand back on Dean’s chest. He takes it again immediately, and you see a short glimmer of his own ring. He’s always wearing his. He says he’s never taking it off. You smile at the thought.

“What are you thinking?” Dean asks.

“Just that this is exactly what I was hoping for when you said we should have a date night for our anniversary.” Dean chuckles.

“I promise I thought we would have drinks and dinner first,” he replies. You turn your head and grin at him.

“If only there hadn’t been that handsome stranger at the bar,” you say.

Dean leans his head, kisses you on the nose. “Or that hot wife.” 

[merakiui]

the parasites won,,, so anyway here are my very silly and scrambled college au thoughts for alfred and matthew.

the idea here is that it's their first year of uni and they're both loser virgins. something something alfred who is all talk: "dude, i am so gonna get laid!!! body count through. the. ROOF!!!" guy who joins a frat probably,,, halfway through uni he swaps his glasses for contacts because he thinks it'll make him look hotter if he ditches the glasses. he works out and plays sports,, maybe for the love of the game but also because he has keep healthy between the fast food he's eating. but also it is cute to imagine a chubby alfred.........

matthew who is your typical wallflower. alfred drags him to parties and then immediately forgets about him, so he's just left to stand and,,, exist. ^^;;; in my mind he's an environmental sciences major. it just feels right to me for some reason. he's a really sweet, shy guy who is often overshadowed by his brother, so it catches him by surprise when you meet and you call him by his name. he almost thinks you're looking for alfred and when he asks that you give him a weird look. "uh, no? i'm looking for matthew. you are matthew, yeah?" WAAAAA be still, his heart!!!!!! orz orz

very silly but alfred and matthew rivalry for you maybe!!!! and the only reason you're sleeping with alfred is so you can hopefully get closer to the professor (england or france) since he knows them beyond the classroom and can probably do you a solid. you have big goals (to sleep with your professor). your first conversation with matthew probably went like:

"so what do you like most about professor kirkland/bonnefoy?"

"he's hot and i need him to plaster me to the wall. next question."

and he's just like, "oh... um, okay......." T_T

matthew who falls for you because you're one of the few people who actually sees him and doesn't mistake him for his loud-mouthed brother. spending time studying (discussing your strategy to seduce your professor and he listens LOL) at coffee shops, taking nature walks together, exploring the next city over if you're bored of your usual spots on campus, etc etc. you probably get high together. everyone thinks alfred is the cool brother who drinks and smokes and fools around (and he does when he's feeling up for it), but matthew has his secret sides, too!!! something something you get high and handsy and give him head and he understands immediately why alfred chases after this. you're like matthew's perfect wet dream come to life hehe.

with alfred, you're just fuck buddies. you party and drink together. play video games. make late-night fast food runs together. it's fun, but there's nothing else beyond that. but with matthew you're actually getting to know each other, spending time together as friends (and he hopes one day something more), and he's never dated anyone seriously before, so he thinks maybe he has a chance. for once, you like him for him and you're not just being nice because he's "alfred's brother." aaaa he's so happy. >w<

matthew with his big mushy-gushy crush on you,,, it does not help when alfred has you over and he can hear the two of you going at it late into the night. seeing you in the morning and you're wearing one of alfred's shirts and nothing else....... AAAAAAA he's running back to his room and covering his eyes. >_< too erotic,,, if you flirt with him, you might actually kill him. he's really so sweet. alfred will laugh and call him a nerd (as if he himself isn't a nerd, too), but really who's winning here? >:)

basically the plot here is that it's a very obscure square??? it's just sex and goofy fun and the occasional moment where you actually attend class in between it all. extrovert jock fratboy alfred x darling (purely fuck buddies...or is it??) but darling is salivating over professors kirkland/bonnefoy (the old man chaser ever). sweetheart introvert (with barely any presence) matthew x darling (genuine one-sided? romance is blossoming).

[askthehcc]

So what was like Martyn back in the days if Mumbo think he is kinda of an asshole?

BigB: Oof.

Mumbo: Yeah... you wanna take this one B?

BigB: Can I not?

Pearl: Well, I liked him!

Mumbo: Yeah, because he stood up for you.

Pearl: Well... Yeah...

Pearl: But he wasn't that bad, was he?

BigB: Yeah, tell that to the guys he used to rag on all the time.

Mumbo: To be fair, he wasn't, trying to be a total dickhead. At least not for the most part.

BigB: [snorts]

BigB: Listen, I love the guy now, don't get me wrong, but back then...

BigB: Well, let's just put it this way: if you'd have told me I'd be flying half way around the world with Martyn freaking Littlewood to see our mutual friend, I would've called you a not very nice name

BigB: And then I would've blocked you on Bebo. So... Ya know. Pretty stinkin' bad.

Pearl: Aw, poor Martyn! Not Bebo.

Mumbo: Look, he wasn't that bad, really, but me and B were kinda quieter at school. We just tried to keep our heads down.

Mumbo: And Martyn, well, he was just more rowdy, mostly.

Mumbo: And, you know, I guess... one of the less likable types of private school guys... You know, the upper echelon kind of thing.

BigB: Yeah, his family are from big money, like... Big.

Mumbo: Some of which I guess he had access to.

Pearl: Yeah, but he changed after all that, didn't he?

BigB: Well, yeah, later on after the whole... you know... the whole disinheriting thing.

Mumbo: I mean, yeah, of course.

Mumbo: This wasn't really a good answer, but the point is that he was just kind of not a great guy back then.

BigB: Really loud.

Mumbo: Which we weren't.

BigB: Problem with authority.

Mumbo: Which gave him a bad habit of fighting with teachers constantly.

Pearl: That... That one, yeah. Yeah...

Mumbo: But Pearl's right, though. Once he left school and got over the whole substance thing, he really did become a good guy. Great guy, even.

BigB: Oh, for sure. He's like, the most solid dude ever, now.

BigB: So, like, it's whatever now, you know?

BigB: The past is the past and all that.

---

Martyn: ...

Martyn: I mean, yeah.

Martyn: What do you want me to say?

Martyn: ...

Martyn: They're not wrong, so...

Martyn: [shrugs]

[wishing-stones]

If this isn't too heavy or anything... How would the boys react to a reader who's been dealing with so much negativity in their life for so long that they kinda just... Act like an ass all the time? (And they weren't an ass before, they changed over time.)

You are a prime target for ribbing.

Killer deals with this in stride, and will needle you into fights. He knows this intimately, this is exactly what happened to him, and he figures that getting it out of your system will either level you out or... make you a more pleasant person to be around. Your assholery gets assholery in return.

Dust claps back. your life sucked? Welcome to the club. It doesn't give you a free lease to be a dick to everyone else. If you wanna play 'my life sucks' olympics, he's gonna win. He gets kind of crabby with people who are dicks to him for no reason genuinely (not just dicking around like Killer does).

Axe is very patient, but if you are an ass to him for no reason, you're gonna wanna walk it back. He'll tolerate a great deal, but if he feels like you're getting too big for your britches, he will put you in your place real fast. Everyone here had a hard life. Everyone here has the chance to grow from it, and if you continue to be a douche, you're not gonna do a lot of growing.

Cross has a finer hair-trigger than even Killer does-- The first few times you just get a glare, or he leaves the room. Continue to push him, and he fights back, and he is not nice. When Cross has had enough, he has enough, and you might go to physical blows. He equates dickishness to disrespect, and he's not keen on letting anyone disrespect him. It's why he and Killer fight so much.

Baggs... is dangerous to play this game with. He doesn't tolerate blows to his pride or ego, and if you push beyond the short, clipped responses and stingingly accurate barbs, you get one warning to quit your shit, or you'll regret it. The threat is delivered smoothly, calmly, and lowly, and if you ignore it... what happens to you is your own fault. If you remember anything at all, you'll be lucky-- but suffice it to say, you won't find it easy to be an asshole to him anymore. The words just... won't come. You might not like him any, but... the most you can do is glare at him, for some strange reason. You also feel the compulsion to talk about your life with him from time to time. Just about once a week. How odd...

Nightmare takes none of this. If he feels like you're lashing out in anger or frustration, he'll take that away before informing you that, while he enjoys the free shots of negativity, he's not going to tolerate any disrespect, and you are not, in fact, in a position to be so antagonistic, even if you frame it as joshing around. He'll siphon off whatever negativity you have if you don't want to feel it anymore, and coax you into behaving the same way he coaxed the others into behaving; patience, acceptance, and firm adherence to the rules he sets in place.

They're all assholes, but if they perceive your attitude as disrespect, it won't go well.

[palidoozy-art]

A bunch of monsters, and then Kjosev's monstrosity (phoenix) form.

Trying to ramp up to drawing more again.

[leonardalphachurch]

sometimes i remember that most north fans don’t write him as an absolute insane person ethical manipulative girlfriend style and i’m like. what is he even then… just a pleasant white man? you know what. more power to you if you need a pleasant white man for a blorbo but god that could not be me

[telltalebatman]

lmao muskrat is being such a massive POS to sikorski (who, let me remind you, holds one of the most important gov offices in poland, so this isn't JUST must throwing a tantrum, this is musk actively antagonizing a foreign politician of international renown) that even his fellow republican (don bacon) went "can you like......... shut the fuck up?"

[onrainynights]

I'm about to be so annoying btw

[waffultaim]

tbh i would never guessed that undertale phase from 2016 would get me again but i also would never guessed that mini undertale au phase will be the one that would get me again, aha a plot twist.

[horrorwebs]

me when my friends tell me to get together after class to merendar!!yay!!!! but when i get there they have actuallyalready eaten and i dont even sit we just walk to the train station and them i have to leave :/

[neverendingford]

.

[long-live-astronerd-ghost-king]

DPXDC prompt. Field trip.

Some people would call gothamites petty, but given that most of the USA population treated them as scum, they believed that their behavior was justified.

They didn't like tourists, to put it mildly. Therefore, after learning that in their city were people on a field trip from Amity Park who could not leave Gotham for several days due to weekly escape from Arkham, the news channel immediately decided that a short interview from the guests would definitely amuse the locals. The reaction of outsiders never ceases to be ridiculous.

Reporter: ~Good afternoon~ Gotham News! May I ask you to share what you liked most about our wonderful city?

Mr. Lancer*still in a cold sweat and looks at every passerby as a potential villain*: Uh, no, me..It's so unexpected. Well, first of all, people here are very…

Danny *is high after the tasting samples Dr. Crane gave him for free and is extremely eager to share his happiness with others*,* picks a microphone*.

Danny: Gotham is the best city in the world! Like seriously, damn, I'd like to die here. Although there are constant shootings somewhere, half the time people don't even shoot at me! I haven't been this relaxed since middle school! And in the evenings, there is often such a pleasant scent of fear and despair on the streets. This fear toxin of yours is a real miracle! It's sooo good!

Sam *decides to take the initiative in her own hands before Fenton says too much*: Personally, I am very pleased with the number of green spaces you have in your city. It's nice to see that here eco-activists are really being listened to. Also, the fact that most restaurants have a thoughtful menu for vegetarians left a very pleasant impression.

Dash in his favorite T-shirt "it's not gay if he's dead": Four words. Hips of Red Hood. The fact that it is not marked in the guidebook as the main attraction of the Crime Alley is a real crime. This dude clearly never skips leg days. My respect.

Tucker: What can I say? The speed of internet here, even during villains attacks, is absolutely  unbelievable. I don't want to leave this place.

Jazz: I love Gotham! Finally, I was able to buy all the works published by Dr. Harleen Quinzel. *girl picks up an impressive stack of books* For some reason, they are not available online.

The camera points at a red-haired guy with a twitching eye.

Wes: I'm 85% sure Bruce Wayne is Batman. I have a proof and I am ready to provide it.

A girl with a "Good Guess" pin from Riddler enters and takes camera away from conspiracy theorist.

Star: Sorry, he slipped out at night and went to look for problems. Again. Don't pay any attention to him. He's always like this when he drinks more than two energy drinks in a row.

[holmsister]

Laios works part-time at a grocery store and is a mildly successful twitch streamer and one time this really fucking hot shirtless dude wanders into frame and everyone on Laios' chat starts freaking out like WHO THE FUCK IS THAT- HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MAN SO BEAUTIFUL YOU STARTED CRYING- LAIOS THERES A HOT DUDE THERE- and Laios is like ahahah that's my friend Kabru! He sometimes comes over after the gym to take a shower while I make him dinner! He loves my food! And everyone in chat is like LAIOS ARE YOU STUPID- LAIOS FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK- LAIOS HES AFTER ANOTHER KIND OF MEAT- and Laios is a little bit offended like. No! He's just nice! Don't be mean you'll make him uncomfortable!

And then someone recognizes Kabru like "OH SHIT I SAW HIS FOUR PARTER ON ART AND MENTAL ILLNESS IT MADE ME CRY" and they dig up his SMs and he's like. A political commentator and activist/youtuber who speaks like 9 languages and has an history degree despite being like 22 and is working towards an anthropology degree now and pays the bills by being a fucking. Fashion model and there's INSANE photoshoots of him in all sort of artsy high fashion pictures in b&w like covered in bloodied bandages in BDSM gear dressed like a priest etc etc interspersed with like very good thinkpieces on consumerism and art and politics and the very rare YouTube 4-parters on random subjects with INCREDIBLE visuals and everyone is like what the fuck. What the FUCK Laios how do you even KNOW this dude and Laios is like he kept showing up at the grocery store during my turn and asking for ideas on what to make for dinner and one guy in chat asks but aren't you usual on at nighttime and he's like yeah it was like 3am for the most part and everyone is like LAIOS PLEASE

[aggressivedean]

.

[serafaina]

OK. OKAY. YOU GUYS.

I am LOVING the fucking chocolate guy’s netflix show! It’s FANTASTIC! Anf hold on to your fucking boots y’all cause it’s actually not what I was expecting at all!

Do you miss the gentleness of the Great British Bake-Off? THIS SHOW IS SO KIND AND GENTLE! For fuck’s sake, NO ONE GETS KICKED OFF! No. No, Listen to this! When they lose the first challenge (a pastry one), the punishment is... They get private lessons with Amaury to help improve what brought their scores down instead of competing in the second chocolate challenge. 

When the one black lady contestant messed up the first challenge I was super bummed and like, OF COURSE. But NO. She got lessons! She struggled! she worked hard! and she won a later challenge! GROWTH MY DUDES! They are there TO LEARN and GROW and Maybe Win a Big Prize!

They ALL get to stay and keep doing their best! and at the end the one who did the best overall is the one who gets the money prize!

Look at this lovely line up! they make COOL LOOKING FANCY THINGS! Amaury tells us how he does some of the fancy things he does! They OFFER TO HELP EACH OTHER WHEN THEY FINISH EARLY AND GET PROPS FOR THAT! (not taunted for not using their own time better). The set up even kinda makes the one who is like, I’m in it to win it, is the villain and doing bad. The rest who are like, I’m here to learn and grow and maybe make friends! AUGH YOU GUYS!

Amaury is soft spoken and kind, and has a pretty voice and a pretty smile and that’s nice to watch too. The chefs are talented and artistic and they actually give the THE TIME to make nice things! It’s not “Wham out some half-assed garbage in 2 hours so we can shotgun the production and laugh at your garbage” like most cooking shows nowadays. NO! 14 hour challenges! They’re still hard, but they get to actually make cool stuff! fancy stuff! Stuff I want to look at and cheer for them!

The episodes average 38 min and aren’t a huge time commitment, the first episode being the longest one, and there are only 8 total so it’s not like you have to really get in for the long haul. \

WATCH IT! Pump it! we need more cooking shows like this and less that are sad and mean!