#these are the three possible reasons for my hammock-experience being so positive.
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Once upon a time, I knew a guy who took pills that made him sleepy. We're talking "slept for 16 hours straight on a regular night" and "fell asleep while taking a dump" sleepy.
So when my new pills came with the warning "might make you sleepy" I took it as a goddamn warning, you know?
First night, I didn't notice anything, but the next morning I woke up with a sore throat and then felt like... kind of exhausted? So I actually took a nap. And had some weird dream about being depressed.
Mildly curious, I checked the side-effects of the pill, and found that it's supposed to work as an anti-depressant (amongst other things). So. Dunno what's up with that. Weird.
(The sore throat is definitely the pill's fault though.)
Second night, I decided to delay going to bed a little bit, because taking day-naps usually messes with my sleep.
Even then, I lay in bed for two hours staring at the wall, before finally falling asleep. For like two hours. And then finally another three.
My final dream (the only one I remember), I needed to get to Egypt for some reason, and I was determined to get there on a bike? Or something? Also, there were a lot of HP-jokes, which feels... weird, because I quit that fandom pretty much cold-turkey ages ago.
So, this pill that's likely to make me sleepy, seems to be giving me some kind of messed up sleep-cycles. But hey, at least it works for my back, right? Right? (It doesn't.)
#to be fair to the pills - they claim that it might take a week for them to really kick in#but yeah. i'm already drafting the letter to my doctor about the situation. i'll delay on sending it until I'm sure though.#basically ''it gave me X symptoms. it didn't work for my back. i'll continue taking it until further instructions.''#with another note about giving blood-samples now that the constant pain is back in force#(since last time i was taking anti-inflammatory pills to not experience that pain. and it might've messed with the results)#also also. i've ordered an indoor-hammock. because this fight with my doctor reminded me of my many theories#see. way back when this started i zeroed in on my bed being the culprit (since it happened when i slept) and tested many things#and the ONLY thing that seemed to do anything? was sleeping in a hammock in the cold basement.#now. cold CAN reduce inflammation. so it's possible that it's that (would also explain why it used to not show up as much around winter)#but a hammock also works very different than a bed when it comes to ''alignment''#press down on a bed and that part of the bed sinks. press down on a hammock and the entire hammock shifts.#bcs it's always in tension. and that might make it nice on my spine somehow?#and it's also possible that the hammock will move around a LOT more than a bed. meaning that my spine doesn't have time to stiffen.#these are the three possible reasons for my hammock-experience being so positive.#but we'll see if those memories hold up to reality. if the thing actually ships properly. you never know.#personal stuff#rants
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Flight
Nintember Story #4! ( @starprincesshlc , @jklantern ). There are many more stories in a world than the grandiose ones we are usually privy to, many of which may not even cross paths with the heroes or villains. Sometimes, viewing a comparatively mundane tale in a fantastical world is a nice change of pace.
(Also, update on the situation with these stories: This one’s going up late because my life has been rather chaotic recently, and I’ve decided that the next story will be the final one, encompassing the last ten prompts, rather than two more with five each, as I’ve been doing.)
~~ Flight, Fear, Jungle, Brotherhood, Song ~~
“So you’re up here again, huh? Still dreading tomorrow?”
“Oh, was it that obvious?”
Of course he was up on the hill. Why wouldn’t he be up on the hill? It’s not like that was where his life was going to end tomorrow, where he’d have to stare the void in the face and somehow not only not break contact, but venture through it. Why shouldn’t he be at that point of no return, attempting to fill himself with as much bravery for the next day as he possibly could?
“Hey… flying can’t be that bad, right? It’s what your body was built for.”
“Yeah, but not my mind.”
“Really? Have none of Master Teba’s lessons helped?”
“If they have, I haven’t noticed. And it’s not like I can practice, because I need to ‘conserve my strength for the big day.’ ...Look, Tevara, I appreciate your attempts to help, honestly, but I think I need to be left alone for now.”
“If you say so, Rynn. Just know that I believe in you; you’re stronger than you know. ...Sav’orq!”
And she walked down the slope, toward the stable where they were staying, her face and gait as bright as ever.
Rynn spent most of the afternoon and evening in a quiet dread, having to force himself to eat something and struggling to fall asleep that night, which was already hard enough with the roughness of whatever they used to make the hammocks. A part of him wished the morning would never come, but come it did, and just after the sun had fully risen above the horizon, he was there on Whistling Hill alongside his friend, their parents, and the so-called trial director that he had met only once before.
“Alright, Rynn. You know the route: once you’re sent into the sky, fly southeast to Faron Jungle, then head directly eastward; just beyond its eastern edge is Tuft Mountain, past which is Lurelin Village, your destination. Land in the designated location to complete your Trial of Flight. When you are prepared, give your word and assume the starting position.”
Rynn took one final look at the three that has come to see him off: his dearest friend smiling with as much confidence as ever, her mother’s face embodying a kindness only time can bring, and his own father’s eyes filled with encouragement, even if the rest of his face didn’t show it. Nothing could ever truly eliminate the fear he was feeling, nor bring him the courage he lacked, but perhaps their expressions, and unending support over the past years, would be enough to get him through the imminent ordeal.
He took a deep breath, then spread his wings out and loosened his talons. “I… am ready.”
The director brought out a small piece of Sheikah technology, shaped something like an angular banana, which Rynn assumed was the device he had been told would be used to launch him into the air. The imposing Rito aimed it at the ground below Rynn for a few seconds, then brought it into the air.
“On my mark. Three… Two… One… Fly.”
On the final word, he activated the device, creating a large pop-like sound and an enormous updraft centered around Rynn. He barely had time to register what was happening before the wind caught his wings and he was sent into the sky. Every instinct in his body screamed to close his eyes and return to the ground, but he fought it, determined to do what he had to do.
Near the top of the updraft, he felt another wind blowing eastward and so adjusted his wings to catch it. In the distance, Rynn could just barely see the lush and unique greenery of the Faron Jungle. He noted its direction, then quickly turned his head to the sky before him. As frightening as the empty open air was, far more so was the distance between him and the ground, and he wished to avoid looking at any part of it as much as possible while in flight.
The wind was powerful but not at all turbulent, so all Rynn had to do to maintain his course was flap his wings occasionally and keep the rest of his body in the ideal flight position, making small corrections as necessary. His stomach was still churning, as though it were full of butterflies that had just drunk nectar from swift violets, but he was making sure progress. Within a short time, he was beginning to pass over the jungle, noting his approach on one of his sporadic and short glances downward. The fear within him slightly alleviated as he thought, Perhaps this won’t be so bad.
And then, as if on ironic cue, the winds suddenly picked up. Rynn had certainly practiced in more unstable air, but he was nowhere close to accustomed to it, and thus what had just been a breeze (in multiple senses of the term) was now much more turbulent. All the fear that had slowly left him was now returning in full force, stronger than ever. His vision began to blur and he started flapping his wings frantically, the directed reason and focus in his mind being rapidly replaced by panic. He felt his lower body being constantly blown out of position by the wind, his feet and tail feathers shifting about wildly in the gale. He had just enough time to notice the sudden grey in the sky and a round object hurtling towards him before a searing pain shot through his left wing, and he was falling, waving his other limb about in a desperate attempt to slow his descent.
He wasn’t sure when he lost consciousness, but he found himself waking up on a muddy shore of a pond, his lower half still submerged. After blinking a few times, he attempted to push himself to his feet, but another bolt of pain struck his left wing when he tried to put weight on it. Instead, in a haphazard manner he rolled himself onto his back, then sat up, trying to gain a sense of where he was as the haze cleared from his vision.
From the look of the vegetation, he had no doubts that he had fallen directly into Faron Jungle, likely having had his fall broken by the tree cover before falling into the pond, then drifting to its shore. There was a large cliff to his right, but in every other direction was only more foliage. The only sounds besides his breathing were the noises of the local wildlife, the occasional crash of thunder, and the fall of rather heavy rain.
In his surveying, Rynn once again put too much weight on his left wing and nearly cried out in pain. Bringing the limb up, he found that most of its feathers were damaged or missing, and the front end of it was twisted and bent at an odd angle. He didn’t know if it was broken, but it was certainly injured enough that he wouldn’t be able to use it.
He took another moment to sit and wait while his head properly cleared, then pulled his legs out of the water and brought himself to his feet. His clothes felt utterly soaked and his feathers felt wholly waterlogged, despite both being designed to wick away water. Though he knew it wouldn’t help much, he tried to shake off some of the wet and wipe away the grime that covered much of one side of his body and clothes.
From what he had been told about the jungle, he knew there was a travel path that ran through it, crossing its main river (“Floria”, I think?) a few times and connecting the rest of Hyrule to the mountain and village on its southeasternmost shore. With the cliff nearby, he figured he would have the best luck in finding the path if he traveled directly away from it, and so, clutching his left arm close to his body to keep it steady, he set off.
As he walked, his mind wandered again to the events that had knocked him from the sky. He had no clue what the round object was, but he did think it odd that the winds had picked up so quickly and a storm had so suddenly appeared. Rynn had been told that they specifically had picked this day for his Trial of Flight because his route would consist of clear skies and relatively agreeable winds. Had they been mistaken? Had an error occurred somewhere in the process? He didn’t know, and he didn’t have the energy or focus to think about it either.
The canopy of leaves above did well to block the brunt of the rain, but many droplets still got through and hit him, doing nothing to fix the problem of how drenched he was. Strangely, though he was certainly unnerved by his current situation, he did not feel much at all of either fear or panic, and he was not sure why.
It’s… probably just because I’m too tired to feel anything…
Eventually, he came upon a thicker patch of vegetation where some mid-sized animals were rooting around for food. Based on their tusks and round furred bodies, Rynn guessed that they were some sort of boar. He changed his path to go around them, hoping that they would not even notice him. However, this was not to be, for one of his talons broke a branch on the ground beneath him only moments after he turned.
Rynn was met with small glittering eyes, each pair staring at him unflinchingly. He didn’t know if they were sizing him up as a threat, nor did he want to know. He began running in his new course, panic welling up within him once more as his vision started blurring once again. He began to feel light in the head, as though he were quickly running out of energy. Bursting from the foliage, he stumbled and fell onto much brighter earth, everything fading to black as two forms approached, one distinctly horse-shaped and the other some large and rotund biped.
His next experiences blurred together as he faded in and out of consciousness. Most of it was dominated by the sounds of hoofbeats, rain, and a rushing river. Besides that, he heard the occasional concerned murmur in a woman’s voice and urgent back-and-forth shouts at least once; he never could make out what they were saying. Eventually, he felt the air change, the humidity of the jungle being replaced by a clearer and saltier breeze, and he faded into a deeper sleep.
The next time consciousness returned to him, everything was far clearer. Rynn found himself in a round room of various brown tones with a curved and sloped roof, the telltale orange light of dusk streaming through the windows. He tilted his head to the side, seeing two Hylians talking quietly. They seemed to notice his shifting and turned to look at him. The darker of the two smiled and said, “Ah, so you’ve woken up. Welcome to Lurelin Village!”
“...What… what happened to me?” Rynn whispered, too tired to make his voice any louder.
The other woman, dressed in adventurer’s clothes and with supplies and weapons to match, answered. “I figured you wouldn’t remember. You stumbled onto the path through Faron Jungle just in front of my friend and I, then collapsed. When we tried to talk to you, you were completely unconscious, so we put you on my horse and rushed to the Lakeside Stable. They didn’t have the proper supplies to give you medical attention, so we were sent here instead.”
“You’re in our Medicine House right now. Your wing was fractured, but I’ve set it and bound it, as you can see, and once you’ve rested enough, I’ll have you drink this”--she held out a vial full of some sort of blood red liquid--“which should expedite the regrowth and repair of the wing, and you’ll be good to go by midday tomorrow.”
Rynn turned his head to face the ceiling again, slowly blinking as his thoughts swirled. “I… I see…”
“Ordinarily, I’d ask you what you were doing wandering around Faron Jungle with no adventuring gear to speak of, but I imagine that’s not what you were originally doing. You’re Rynn, right? The Rito whose flight exam was supposed to end here today?”
He nodded silently.
“Thought so. After we contacted the stable near the starting point (thank the goddesses that Sheikah communication box thing worked), we overheard something about the situation, and not too long after, two other Rito men arrived, insisting that they must see you. Their, uh, ‘attitudes’ and ‘levels of energy’, I guess, were a bit… too high, and you needed to rest in quiet, so Phenea had Gudek block the doorway. Last I checked, at least one of them was pacing back and forth outside.”
There was a noticeable lack of light coming in through the slits in the door, as they were blocked off by the rocky back of a Goron, which Rynn deduced was both this ‘Gudek’ and the rotund figure he had seen back on the jungle path. Phenea, then, must have been on the horse’s back at the time.
“I see… then, let them in, please.”
The doctor seemed to want to protest, but clearly decided not to, as Phenea got up and knocked on the door, telling Gudek that the Rito could now be let in. The Goron shifted out of the way and opened the door, and Rynn’s father and the flight director swiftly walked in. They stared at him for a moment, then the former seemed to try to rush in to hug him before thinking better of it.
“Rynn… I’m so glad you’re safe. When we got word of what happened, I… well, I began to imagine the worst. We flew over as quickly as possible…!”
“Yes, I must say, that experimental flight-enhancing Sheikah-tech worked particularly well, even in spite of all its… little issues. ...Would you happen to know or remember what damaged your wing? Was it the fall?”
Rynn had to push his mind a bit, but he remembered the event clearly enough, to the point that it would likely be etched in his mind for a long while. “Some sort of… large round object came flying at me as the storm was beginning… it might have had those Sheikah-tech markings?”
At this, the doctor spoke up. “I’ve heard of recent experiments with technology that can create weather. I’ll contact the Hateno Tech Lab about it tomorrow, assuming that communication cube thingy still works. I’d do it tonight, but it’s getting a bit late.”
“Thank you, Doctor.” said the flight director. Rynn and his father followed suit.
“Oh, speaking of the time: tonight we’re having a massive bonfire party, it’s part of an old tradition. No one really knows what it’s for anymore, but it’s a lot of fun, so we continue to have it every two months or so. You guys should come and watch! It’s when some of our best dancing and singing is shown off.” Throughout the invitation, the doctor gained a level of excitement and wonder that Rynn did not think doctors were capable of.
The other two Rito thought for a second, then shrugged. “I mean, I suppose since we can’t go home until tomorrow, we might as well have some fun.”
“Hmph. It’s not really my thing, but… well, I wanted to head back, but I think I want to be there for that message to the Lab: if there are going to sudden weather changes from here on, I think I, as a manager of flight, deserve to know what the hell is going on in all of that.” The director’s voice was slowly getting louder; he clearly cared quite a lot about his work, even if he didn’t show it.
“That settles it then! In the meantime, though, I’d like all of you to leave: Rynn still has resting to do, and an overstuffed Medicine House won’t help with that.”
It looked as though everyone else wanted to protest, but they quickly turned and left one-by-one. As their footsteps faded away, Rynn heard something about Phenea and Gudek telling them about the dances and songs, because they had “been to a lot over their travels,” and the flight director rapidly excusing himself to use the communicator to update the stable at Whistling Hill, specifically Tevara and her mother, on the whole ordeal.
“You rest up now, Rynn. When you’re ready, your clothes are on the table right over there--we washed and dried them right after we cleaned you (I hope you don’t mind)--and the rest of the stuff that was on you is just next to it. Take this healing potion right before you go to bed for the night. You got all that?”
Rynn nodded softly; he could already feel sleep trying to take him once more.
“Good.” The doctor set the bottle on the table, then exited the house, as Rynn’s senses faded away, in a manner far more peaceful than the previous two times.
When he next awoke, the sun had fully disappeared, but a bright firelight was illuminating the room. Rynn pushed himself up, careful not to put any weight on his fractured limb, then put on his clothes and exited the house. Down near the shore was the largest fire he had ever seen, with a pile of burning wood at least twice as high as any person. A ring of individuals was engaged in what seemed to be a very intricate dance, while a wider audience sang along joyously. Near the back of the audience circle he could see Phenea and Gudek talking non-stop to his father and flight director, seemingly to their slight annoyance, if their postures were anything to go by.
Rynn smiled and began walking towards the bonfire. For once in quite a long while, he realized, he felt quite content and, amazingly, entirely devoid of fear.
#tloz#the legend of zelda#botw#breath of the wild#nintember#my writing#there are... a lot of experimental things in this for me#so if something about the style or 'quality' seems off that's probably why
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Under Pressure
“Wait! Hold the door! I’m almost there!” Temari lunged forward just at the last moment, no small feat in three inch pumps, to block the closing doors. She jumped into the elevator as soon as there was enough space to do so, before punching the number 11 on the console. After taking a moment to catch her breath and straighten her suit jacket and pencil skirt, she turned to the only other occupant, frowning.
“Really? You couldn’t even bother pushing the ‘door open’ button?”
The stranger let out an aggrieved sigh that only grated her already stretched nerves. Taking in his casual clothing, lopsided ponytail, and pierced ears, she concluded that even if he did have a role in the corporate conglomerate, chances were high that it was a minor role at best. More than likely one of the delivery clerks or someone on the janitorial staff. Her hackles rose even more when she noticed the only other illuminated button on the panel was the button for the third floor. Temari hated lazy people.
“Running late?”
Temari only gave a small “hmph” in reply.
“It wouldn’t even have been an issue if you just showed up for your meeting on time.”
Temari turned back to fix him with a pointed stare while the elevator gave a deep groan and lurched upward.
“You know what, asshole? I’ve had to deal with too much shit today to take lip from some punk who’s too lazy to walk up to the third floor.” Temari whipped her head forward, pulled her purse up her shoulder, and crossed her arms, hoping to signify an end to their conversation. Out of the corner of her eye she caught her neighbor roll his eyes dramatically. However, before she could even think of a retort, the elevator stuttered and groaned to a halt.
“Oh no. No, no no! This is just typical!” Temari turned to the panel, noticing that now all the buttons were dark. She slammed the emergency call button and sent a scathing look of warning over her shoulder when she heard the stranger chuckle. She bit back her impending comment when a light feminine voice rang over the intercom.
“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry for the inconvenience! Is everyone there ok? No emergencies?”
Temari clenched her teeth, but kept her voice level. “No, no emergency, but I was due for a meeting on the eleventh floor with Mr. Hatake at two. Could you notify him of the delay?”
“Oh, I’m so sorry- I see your appointment here, Temari, right? Is there anyone else there with you?”
Temari looked blankly at her unkempt company, “Barely.”
Preempting the question, the stranger quickly moved to Temari’s side, “Hey Ino, it’s Shikamaru. No rush here, tell the guys to take their time.” Temari pursed her lips together and backed away from the panel and her unwanted company. It sounded like she would have plenty of time to get angry at ‘Shikamaru’ later.
“Ugh. You were probably taking another smoke break. Serves you right.” Temari smirked at the man’s ponytail, imagining the exasperated look on his face. “Well, I’ll send the call into maintenance, but you two may have to sit tight for a little while longer. Feel free to give a ring if needed.”
“Fine, fine.”
The line went dead. Temari crossed to the opposite side of the elevator car, leaned against the wall, and took out her smartphone.
“You’re not going to have service in here.”
Temari grit her teeth when she saw that he was right and quickly deactivated her screen. She spared a quick glance at her counterpart, who had dropped down to the floor and slumped against the wall in a pile of limbs, before closing her eyes. Fine, this is fine, they say this is good for you, right? Take some time away from digital stimulation, rest your mind, focus on your inner self. Take a mini mental vacation…
Temari focused on her breathing, and willed her body to relax one muscle at a time. She tried to steer her mind to thoughts of the big extravagant vacations that she always imagined but had never actually taken, the sounds of the ocean, the feeling of sand between her toes… or the soft rustling of leaves as the wind blew through the trees while she rocked on a hammock…
After running through countless travels and an untold stretch of silence, she let out a deep exhale, smiling at her success. A larger corporation like this one should have an entire maintenance team on hand for minor dilemmas like this, so we shouldn’t be stuck here for longer than an hour, so if I was able to kill even just 30 minutes…
She glanced at her wristwatch: 14:07. “Oh, fuck this.”
Shikamaru opened his eyes just in time to watch her rip a leather bound portfolio out of her purse, drop the purse unceremoniously onto the ground, and start pacing back and forth within the confines of the limited space available while reading, her high heels clicking rhythmically with each step.
Click, click, click, click, click-
“Could you just… not?”
Temari looked down at him dangerously and snapped her portfolio shut. “What? I’m not even saying anything. Should I just stop breathing? Or stop trying to do anything productive with the time that I now get to spend trapped in here with you?”
Shikamaru sighed in exasperation. “Listen woman-”
“My name’s Temari.”
“Woman- we’re stuck in this elevator for at least another 30 minutes. Could you just be less-” he gestured vaguely in her direction.
Temari pinched the bridge of her nose and muttered a Sunan curse under her breath before turning away and continuing her pacing. “Absolutely unbelievable. I’m in this godforsaken city for one day and I’ve managed to break a heel, get a flat tire in a freaking pothole, end up trapped in an elevator with a feckless wonder-”
“My name’s Shikamaru.”
“You-” Temari turned and pointed down at him for emphasis, “don’t get a name. It’s my monologue, start one of your own if you have a problem with it.” Temari paused a moment, then two, and then narrowed her eyes when he slowly smirked.
“What’s the matter? I thought that you were monologuing.”
Temari frowned as she once again tried to regain her train of thought and realized that it was thoroughly derailed. “You did that on purpose.”
If possible, his smirk grew larger.
Temari rolled her eyes and returned her attention to her portfolio, skimming over the heavily annotated print outs that she had prepared, and absentmindedly continuing her pacing.
Click, click, click, click-
“Could you at least take off your shoes or something?”
Temari let out a slight sound of exasperation before returning her attention to the man propped up against the wall. “Are you kidding me? Take off my shoes?”
“They’re loud.”
“So are you.”
He closed his eyes again and tilted his head back against the wall. “Are you really going to keep pacing for however long we’re stuck here?”
“It helps me think.”
He looked at her like she was insane- or at least that’s what she assumed as it was the same expression that she exchanged with Kankuro five times a day. She put her hand on her hip while he continued to appraise her from his position on the floor. Growing bored with their unspoken battle of wills, Temari broke eye contact to once again look at her papers, only to hear a small sound of frustration from the man. “Fine. How about we make a-” his face contorted as if there were a bad taste in his mouth “-deal.”
Temari closed her portfolio and arched an eyebrow interest. On the one hand, he seemed to be one of the most indolent people she had ever met and seemed to have a natural talent for igniting her temper. On the other hand, she was having a surprising amount of fun irritating him, and found his cynicism and wit to be entertaining. Or at least more entertaining than a packet of print outs that she had already read at least 20 times. “I’m listening.”
“Well, you’re obviously here for a pretty important interview-” he raised his hand as she was about to interject, “ridiculous heels, a lightly worn suit, and you brought a portfolio full of printouts. If you were here for a normal meeting, you’d have simply brought a laptop.” He lazily listed off each point on his hand and continued, not waiting for her affirmation. “As I was saying, you’re here for a significant interview, so I’ll help you out if you agree to just stop being difficult until maintenance gets us moving again.”
Temari crossed her arms over her papers and analyzed the man before shaking her head and turning away. “No deal. No offense, but you hardly look old enough to have had an interview before, much less be in a situation to give pointers.”
“I’m not as young as you think, you know.”
Temari turned her attention back, hearing the sharp edge to his voice and felt startled by the surprising intensity of his gaze. She had practically grown up in her family’s corporation and while the experience didn’t make for the healthiest childhood, the immersion had imbued her with an incredibly accurate insight into people’s character. An insight that had consistently marked the man before her as nothing more than a listless subordinate; someone who would show up and do what they were told, but nothing more. Sure, he could hold a good conversation and was admittedly rather attractive, but neither of those traits were all that useful in a professional setting.
That mental image was completely at odds with the spark of intelligence and the challenge radiating from his eyes, a challenge that Temari felt compelled to answer. However, before she could respond, he broke eye contact and stretched upward, yawning in the proces. “Well, whatever, it’s your decision. I just wish that this floor were carpeted or something so I could get some sleep while I’m stuck here.”
Temari stared at the man incredulously. She knew that she hadn’t imagined the penetrating glint in Shikamaru’s eyes, but at the same time, she also knew that his lax disposition wasn’t just a facade. Not only because of her intuition, but there was the simple fact that there was no reason to build such an elaborate deception. She watched him pick at the inside of his ear and grimaced to herself. No, definitely not a front. And yet, recalling the challenge she saw in his eyes, Temari once again felt her interest peak. Besides, she was still stuck in the freaking elevator and it wasn’t like she had anything better to do.
“Fine.”
He looked back up at her and offered her a small half grin in response. “Finally realizing that we’re not about to go anywhere?”
Temari’s lips tightened. “Hmm. Counter offer; you ‘help’,” she formed air quotes around the word to emphasize her skepticism, “me, and you manage to be less of a smart ass, and I’ll do my best to be quiet for the rest of our time here.”
He let out another exasperated sigh. “Fine, fine.”
Temari smiled, feeling her confidence return now that she once again felt in control of the conversation. She spread open her portfolio and began to flip through her printouts. “Alright. So I’m interviewing for a position as a program manager for the external manufacturing team-”
“Mmm?”
Temari looked down into his blank stare. “Ugh. This is why I didn’t want to do this. Whatever- I could give you the position description but I would basically act as a liaison with other corporations, looking for opportunities for partnerships and collaborations.”
“And you want to do that?” He said in an incredulous tone.
“Remember- less of a smart ass.”
He rolled his eyes. “I only mean that it sounds like a lot of hassle just for a paycheck.”
Temari frowned at her portfolio, emblazoned with her family’s corporation and murmured, “It’s not just about a paycheck.”
“What?”
She turned back to him and narrowed her eyes. “Work isn’t just about a paycheck, especially at a company like this. Are you even aware that Konoha Incorporated is one of the premiere healthcare corporations in the world? Someone in this role would have the opportunity to influence business decisions and corporate partnerships that influence thousands of people- both employees and patients alike.”
“Fine, fine. You don’t have to get all worked up about it.”
She scoffed in response.
“I didn’t realize that this job was that important to you. Besides-” Shikamaru suddenly pursed his lips and grew silent.
“What? You haven’t had any problem pissing me off before this, why stop now.”
He let out a small laugh that seemed to relax some of the tension in his face. “Fair enough. I guess you just struck me as someone more interested in company politics and the paycheck. Didn’t realize you were actually the sentimental type.”
She rolled her eyes back at him but remained silent.
“I’m guessing that if you’re applying for this kind of job, you probably have a few ideas for new partnerships or experience with similar stuff in the past.”
She tensed and once again scrutinized the man in front of her, trying to gauge his motivation for the question. She schooled her voice to remain neutral. “I have a couple ideas I was hoping to pitch during the interviews.”
He shrugged his shoulders and turned his face upward toward the paneled ceiling, closing his eyes and absently tugging at one of his earrings, his apparent indifference with the flow of the conversation helping her to also relax.
“-and, I’ve definitely done similar work in the past. I mean, I could give you a copy of my resume, but I think it would make more sense if I just summarized.”
Shikamaru absently nodded in response, still focused on an invisible point on the ceiling.
“Basically, I worked in Suna Enterprises as an intern through college, before taking a full time position as an entry level operations analyst after graduating with a degree in business analytics. I spent most of my time analyzing the cost and revenue ratios of our three main manufacturing sites to optimize our budgeting forecast.” She looked back in his direction to see if she needed to elaborate. He had opened his eyes, but was still in the same position as before. She shrugged and continued. “After about five years, our company formed a partnership with another company,” she grit her teeth slightly but refused to change her inflection, “and I’ve been acting as the lead on the integration team ever since.”
She turned back to gauge how much of her summary had been absorbed by her audience, only to find him once again blankly looking back at her.
“Sounds good to me.”
“And?”
He raised an eyebrow questioningly. “And…?”
Temari barely restrained herself from slamming her palm against her face. “I thought that you were supposed to be helping? All you’ve done is listen to me talk and make snide comments about my personal motivations.”
He shrugged from his position on the floor. “Not really much to say, I’d doubt that you’d get called in for an interview if you weren’t qualified. Suna is in the energy sector, right?”
Temari nodded.
“Hmm… it’s a little different but overall seems like a good fit. Maybe I can give you tips on how to interact with your interviewers?”
She leveled a skeptical look at him.
“What now?”
“Just trying to gauge how much someone like you would know about a VP and the Director of Business Strategies.”
He gave her another half smile. “Only one way to find out.”
Temari bit back a retort, as his words did make some sense. She flipped to the page with her interview schedule. “My first interview would have been with Mr. Hatake at 2 p.m. Anything you could tell me about him?”
Shikamaru nodded slightly. “That makes sense. He’s one of the few lifers at the company- started working with Konoha right out of Uni himself and just climbed up the ladder. He started out in the R&D group before moving over to management about five years back.”
“I’ve heard that he’s a genius.” Temari heard some of her admiration leak into her voice and she saw Shikamaru frown.
“Tch, he’s fine.” Shikamaru smirked and looked at her from the side of his eye. “As long as you aren’t bothered by his face mask, short attention span, and inability to show up to anything on time.”
Temari frowned and crossed her arms. “You guys must get along great.”
Shikamaru’s smirk widened.
“Anything else?”
Shikamaru cocked his head to the side in thought. “I’ve heard that he refuses to take on anyone who can’t work well with others, so any experience you have working on a team would help. Maybe something from your recent experience on the company integration team?”
Temari once again felt her shoulders tense, but hoped that it would go unnoticed by her present company. “Maybe.” She shook her head and decided to move on. “After meeting Mr. Hatake, I was going to meet a few members of the Business Relations team- anything about them?”
“A little,” Shikamaru paused, considering his next words before shrugging and continuing, “they seem to be one of the only groups who like the corporate rigamarole.” He looked back at her and sighed at her puzzled expression. “You know- the whole ‘dress to impress’ and ‘early bird gets the worm’ kind of nonsense. Anyways, I’m sure that you will fit right in.”
Although the words could have been offensive, Temari recognized his comment to be driven by observation and, unlike his earlier comments, he didn’t seem to intend insult. However, that didn’t mean that he was right. “There’s nothing wrong with maintaining a corporate dress code, especially when interacting with external clients.”
“There is when it’s uncomfortable to the point of being a distraction. The only people I know who dress in suits and sexy shoes ,” He gestured at her own outfit, “are trying to make an excuse to act like they’re better than you.”
Temari closed her portfolio and crossed her arms over her chest. Now he was being offensive. “I see. So instead everyone should walk around in v-neck t-shirts and sneakers?” She gestured back at his own outfit.
He seemed unperturbed by her words. “Why not?”
“Because, like it or not, your appearance reflects your work.”
He muttered a few words under his breath that sounded suspiciously like “-have you been talking to my mother-” which Temari decided to ignore.
“I don’t wear high heels and a skirt suit because I want attention or I think I’m better than you, I wear them because I’m about to go into a room with some of the best businessmen and women in the industry and I get half an hour to convince them that I am the best candidate for the job. Not just because of my background and my experience, but because I’m someone that they would want to represent their company. It plants the thought in someone’s mind ‘if this person can be this prepared for one half hour meeting, what would they do for an entire project?’” Through her speech, Temari felt her cheeks flush, but otherwise stayed calm.
She was surprised to feel a small amount of pride when Shikamaru gave her a slight nod, quietly acknowledging her response. Not because she doubted herself or her reasoning, but because she recognized that, despite his many obvious character faults, he wasn’t the type of person to impress easily. “That makes more sense than anything Ino’s ever told me.”
“The girl from the intercom?”
Shikamaru distractedly nodded. “Our families have been friends for years, but if I hear her tell me one more time how much better I would look if I dressed like Sasuke Uchiha…”
“Hmm… Uchiha…” Temari flipped through the most recent news articles she had found on Konoha Incorporated, stopping on a recent article featuring a picture of the young entrepreneur that recently left the company for a smaller start up. A picture that looked like it came straight from a business clothing catalogue. “Oh.”
Shikamaru looked at her darkly, but Temari merely chuckled. “Oh, lighten up. The man does know how to dress. Although…” Temari looked back at Shikamaru, “I think I’d have to disagree with your friend.” Shikamaru’s face remained impassive, but Temari thought that she discerned some glimmer of question in his eyes. “All I’m saying is that while the man dresses well, I don’t think that his style suits you.” Temari saw his eyebrows rise in a faint sign of surprise and felt some heat gather in her cheeks in response. Although she hadn’t meant the comment to be suggestive, and it didn’t cross any lines of professionalism, she did recognize that it shifted the conversation into murky territory. However, for the first time in a long time, she felt a sense of liberation from consequence. ‘Probably from being locked in this elevator for so long,’. She knew that if she were being completely professional, she would change the subject and continue talking about her upcoming interviews.
“Oh? And what would you recommend?”
She looked back at him and found that he was watching her intently. He was being too bold, she was being too bold, but she also felt a flush of excitement. All at once, her sense of propriety began battling back against the course of their conversation and she felt the need to casually deflect his question. “Well, I can’t make any decisions when you’re slouched on the floor like that.”
Shikamaru sighed before lurching to his feet and sticking his hands into his pockets. Although they were still several feet apart, Temari couldn’t help but feel a shift in the dynamic that had nothing to do with the fact that she had forgotten how much taller he was when standing.
‘Oh screw it, what’s the worst that could happen, anyway?’
In answer to his provocation, Temari let herself fully consider him and his appearance. Despite his loose fitting clothes, she could still recognize the athletic lines to his body, and although his ponytail and earrings were wholly unprofessional, he was too casually indifferent towards people and their opinions that their presence was probably more a habit than an attempt to ‘be cool’. ‘Not that they don’t work for him,’ she admitted to herself. “Honestly, I think that you’re best bet is business casual. Have you ever heard of the ‘rolled up sleeves’ look?”
He shook his head slightly and slowly grinned at her. Although he was still leaning against the opposite wall, the room was small enough for Temari to pick up on the smaller details in his appearance that she hadn’t been looking for. The slight amber flecks in his eyes, the defined muscles in his forearms, the shape of his lips pulled up at the corners-
Temari looked away and huffed in annoyance at herself, trying to rid her mind of the image of the man in front of her wearing a collared shirt with the cuffs folded up to his elbows and a pair of tailored slacks. “Well, now you know what to tell Ino the next time she compares you to Uchiha.”
“Mmm.”
She felt rather than saw him take a step towards her and wasn’t sure if she welcomed or dreaded the tightened muscles in her abdomen. She opened her mouth, not sure what she was about to say, but suddenly stopped when a knock sounded through the door of the elevator.
“Hey- are you guys still ok in there?”
Temari let out the heavy breath that she had inadvertently been holding, feeling the bubble of their isolation dissolve. She turned to look back at Shikamaru and saw that he had once again retreated to the far wall of the elevator, and was staring blankly at the door. The presence of another person, even on the other side of the door, seemed to break whatever compulsion had been drawing him towards her. She stared at him for one more second and felt a fleeting emotion- disappointment? Confusion?- course through her brain before she settled her nerves and carefully leaned back against the wall across from him.
“Yeah, we’re fine. Any progress in getting us out of here?”
They heard a low muttering on the other side of the door. “We think that we found the issue, but in the meantime we’re going to work on getting the doors opened to get you guys out of there. We should have you out of there in five to ten minutes.”
Shocked by the new timeline, Temari checked her watch and confirmed that she really had spent over half an hour talking to Shikamaru. While the maintenance team walked away, her attention returned back to her companion, who seemed to be ignoring her in favor of analyzing some invisible spot on the wall once again. The abrupt shift in their interaction and the way that she admittedly missed their easy banter sparked her anger all over again. What did she expect? That they would go out for coffee? That she could just start dating one of the contracted support staff and no one would bat an eye?
“So… are you interviewing with anyone else?”
The obvious disappointment she felt at the truth hurt more than she wanted to admit.
“Listen, I’m sure that the information you gave me about Mr. Hatake will help a bit, but I think that I can handle the rest on my own.”
His eyes narrowed a bit at her tone before quickly looking away. “You know, you’re probably right, but I could probably help you out more than you think. I just wanted-”
She didn’t want to hear his explanation and didn’t want to risk crossing any more lines. “I’m sure you have the best intentions, but I only have one more interview with Mr. Uzumaki at-” she cut off at the sound of a poorly stifled guffaw that interrupted her hasty attempt to decline his offer and narrowed her eyes, “what’s so funny?”
“Sorry, sorry, I’m just having a hard time imagining you having a professional meeting with Naruto.”
Temari turned in stared at him “Wait, you’re on a first name basis with the Director of Business Development?” She paused a moment before throwing her hands on her hips. “And what the hell is that supposed to mean? I thought that you were trying to not be a smart ass.”
Temari pretended not to see Shikamaru roll his eyes.
“Ugh. Well, firstly, Naruto and I went to Uni together and I’m not going to get into details, but let’s just say that there were way too many boundaries crossed for me to ever call him Mr-anything ever again. As for your second question- how should I put this?- What are your thoughts on the color orange, bobble head desk ornaments, and ramen?”
Temari stared at him blankly. “What?”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“Ugh. Fine. So he’s a little-” she paused in thought, “unorthodox.” She flipped to another page in her portfolio. “It says here that he has generated unprecedented sales growth for your company ever since he was hired and he’s mentioned in a large percentage of the company’s recent GlassDoor reviews.”
Shikamaru shrugged. “That’s all true.”
Temari paused and frowned in thought. It was one thing when she thought that this guy was a janitorial or minor support staff. However, if he had connections to directors and knew information about company sales and growth…
She crossed her arms and stared down at him imposingly. “What do you do here?”
He frowned and looked away. “I-”
Suddenly, the doors gave a loud groan, slowly prying open to reveal a young man with messy hair and a wolfish grin. “And there we go! Sorry you guys got stuck for so long, it took us a bit of time to figure out the best way to get you two out without causing more damage to the system.”
He carefully reached down, offering his hand to Temari to help her out of the elevator car, who pointedly looked at Shikamaru before grabbing her purse from the floor, ignoring the offered hand, and nimbly jumping up onto the floor.
Kiba laughed while Shikamaru slowly climbed to his feet and started exiting the elevator car. “Kami, Shikamaru, I knew that your track record was bad, but that must be some sort of new record. Half an hour and she already can’t stand you?”
Shikamaru looked like he was about to respond before he was abruptly cut off by a gruff voice. “Oi, Shikamaru.”
Temari turned to the newcomer and almost dropped her purse on the floor.
“Hey Dad.”
Well, that explained the eerie resemblance between the two.
“Oh, you were the one stuck in the elevator. Guess that saves me the chore of reprimanding you for blowing off the 2:30 meeting.”
Shikamaru rolled his eyes “And I guess that Ino just conveniently forgot to tell you.”
“Probably because you conveniently forgot to send her your report for the quarterly business review and she had to cover for you. Also, Kami Shikamaru, I told you before that I don’t care what you wear to work, but at least try to not be obvious about it or your mother will find out and have both of our hides.”
Temari smirked at Shikamaru’s obvious discomfort before frowning at the obvious implications of the new information. It was clear that she had underestimated Shikamaru’s role in the company, and that his father held enough power where he was easily recognized by the handful of employees who saw them in the hallway and turned to go elsewhere, but she still felt like there was something that she was missing.
“Yeah, yeah. By the way, Dad, I’m glad that you’re here. I wanted to introduce you to Temari. Temari, this is my dad, Shikaku Nara-”
“You mean, Shikaku Nara, the Senior Vice President of Business Relations?”
Shikaku crossed his arms and nodded at her carefully. “I see that someone’s been doing their homework.”
Temari tightened her grip on her portfolio before nodding back. “Yes. I’m here interviewing for a position with the external manufacturing team, but if you have some time, I’d like to have a word-”
Shikaku interrupted her with a casual wave of his hand before turning to Shikamaru. “You were in the elevator with her for more than half an hour, right?” At Shikamaru’s casual nod, he continued. “Well, as our Principal Business Analyst, what do you think?”
Shikamaru regarded her with a blank expression that had Temari gritting her teeth in frustration. She finally relaxed her grip on her portfolio and looked down, letting her bangs fall into her face, not wanting to look into their eyes when they asked her to leave.
“I think that we should get a conference room and Temari can tell us why she’s really here.”
Temari’s head shot up, her wide eyes meeting Shikamaru’s guarded expression before turning to look at Shikaku.
“Very well. I’ll reach out to Inoichi and ask him to clear my afternoon.”
—————————————————————————————–
Temari sat at the table, face schooled into a neutral expression, her back straight and shoulders back, and her portfolio spread open before her. Her eyes were trained on Shikaku’s profile as he slowly paced back and forth in front of her, expression neutral as he listened to her speak her piece. She didn’t even dare turn her attention to Shikamaru who sat several chairs away until she had finished speaking, finding him staring at the ceiling with his hands braced against one another.
“Okay, so let me get this straight.”
She silently returned her attention to the eldest Nara.
“Suna, or more specifically, your father-” Temari nodded, recognizing that she had not mentioned that specific detail during her presentation, but no longer being surprised by the man’s knowledge- “recently made several sizeable investments in renewable energy, but in doing so he overstretched the budget. When the company supply chain started struggling to meet the volume of demand, the board of directors got involved, forcing your father to step down.”
Temari nodded again.
“The board then forged a partnership with a shipping and supply contract company, and while you are bound by a non-disclosure agreement, I think that I can probably guess at most of the contract terms. Especially considering a similar company approached us around the same time making a similar offer.”
This, admittedly caught Temari off guard, but she didn’t say anything. She had read the non-disclosure agreement extensively and knew that she was still within her rights to be meeting with them right now, but did not want to risk the legality of the situation more than she had to.
“So, you continued working on the integration project and ran the analytics support, but during your report review, you found legacy records that indicated that the shipping and supply company were involved in sabotaging Suna’s supply chain from the start, forcing Suna to make the partnership to survive. You emailed a contact in the legal department about your findings, but when you finally met with the head of your legal department, you found that you could no longer digitally access the reports and that you no longer had the evidence necessary to break the partnership.”
Temari carefully nodded again, and Shikaku let out a slow exhale.
“Do you think that your contact within the legal department could have destroyed the reports?”
Temari opened her mouth to respond, but didn’t get the chance. “No.”
Shikaku and Temari both turned to look at Shikamaru, who was focused intently on Temari.
“She doesn’t leave things to chance. She applied for a mid level position specifically because the only way she could discuss even minor details of the terms of the non-disclosure agreement was through a job interview, but she also needed to make sure that the meeting was held with someone who had enough weight in the company to act on her findings. She thought that that opportunity was ruined when she missed her interview time, and that was entirely due to circumstances well outside of her control. She knew how important those reports were to her entire company, she wouldn’t have approached anyone else about this unless she trusted them completely.”
Temari blinked once, amazed that he had analyzed and understood so much of her behavior so clearly before nodding once. “You’re right. My brother is my contact from the legal department, and his director has been a family friend for years. My elder brother works in IT and confirmed that the contract company was given full access rights to our data server through the partnership. Someone from their company tracked my online activity and deleted the file. Knowing that there are too many members of their company now involved in the legal department, my younger brother read through the disclosure agreement and helped me figure out the loophole that allowed me to be here today, asking you to help us.”
Shikaku sighed in frustration.
“I know that Konoha and Suna have worked together in the past, but there isn’t really much that we can do to help you. You still don’t have the evidence and even if you did, there’s no way that we could get access to legally review the reports through our own legal department… unless…”
He looked at her expectantly while her mouth slowly curved into her natural toothy grin.
“Of course I printed out the reports.” Temari pulled a large stack of papers from her purse. “Also, we realized that there is no way for us to give you the reports to analyze unless we were either partnered with or were proposing a partnership with Konoha.”
Temari flipped to a new page in her portfolio where a large contract sat. “This has already been signed and pre-approved by Gaara, the CEO-elect of Suna Corp. International, and my younger brother.”
Shikaku looked at Shikamaru with a small impressed smile on his lips. “You’re right, she doesn’t leave anything to chance.” He turned back and faced her with that same smile. “So there’s no way that we can convince you to actually come work for us?”
————————————————————————
Temari slowly climbed out of the car and let out a tired exhale, taking a moment to stretch out her limbs and relax after another long flight. She grabbed her briefcase from the car before waving the driver and walking towards the now familiar corporate building before her. However, the door opened before she could reach the handle.
“Hey.”
Temari pulled back from the door and put her hand on her hip feeling a familiar warmth creep through her stomach. “Well hey. Glad to see that you do actually own some real clothes.”
Shikamaru blushed faintly, reaching up to scratch the back of his head, effectively pulling his tucked shirt out from his slacks. “Yeah, well someone once told me that it’s important to dress well to make a good impression on new business associates.”
Temari slowly grinned at him, glad to know that yes, he did look good with the sleeves-rolled-up look.
“Nice shoes.”
Temari looked down at her ballet flats. “Well, someone told me that sometimes it’s better to be practical. Besides, no broken heels. Although, I did make sure to pack some sexy heels ” He smiled back at her, and she took a breath, steeling her nerves. “Look, I was hoping to run into you- I have a business meeting with my counterpart for the Konoha-Suna integration team, but I just wanted to-”
“No need to thank me.” He said quickly, before walking past her.
She turned to watch him leave, disappointed, but knowing that she shouldn’t have expected anything more. He had helped her more than she could have imagined; Suna was finally free from their legal obligations to Akatsuki Limited, and the partnership with Konoha Incorporated was looking better than either business thought possible. She sighed then turned to continue on into the building.
“Aren’t you coming?”
She stopped and turned to look at him, her face forming the question for her. “I figured that if we’re going to be working together, we could have our first meeting somewhere a little more… relaxed.”
She felt her jaw drop open. “Wait, you mean…,” suddenly she frowned and rolled her eyes. “Ino?”
Shikamaru rubbed his face. “Ino. Sorry, I didn’t realize that she didn’t tell you or I would have messaged you sooner.”
Temari let out a small laugh. “That girl is ridiculous. Well at least we already have each other’s contact information and can just schedule things directly from now on.”
“Yeah, thank goodness, I already have to deal with the fact that she has my mother’s contact information. Here, let me get your bag-”
“It’s my bag, why would I need you to carry it?”
Shikamaru pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled slowly. “Look, I was just trying to be polite-”
“-Then you should ask if I want help with it first, idiot-”
“But feel free to carry your bag eight blocks if that’s what you want.”
“Eight Blocks?! Where are we even going?”
Shikamaru looked like he wanted to mutter something before suddenly stopping and looking to the side. “Well, I just thought that after flying in you might be hungry for something a bit better than airplane food, and I know this restaurant…”
Temari stopped alongside him and looked at him carefully. “Are you asking me out on a date?”
Shikamaru swallowed nervously, before meeting her eye. “Well, I was reading through the company policy, and while workplace relationships aren’t expressly forbidden, it shouldn’t really matter because you don’t technically work for Konoha, so…yeah.”
Temari maintained her neutral expression before slowly feeling a smile unfurl across her face. “Sounds like a plan to me.”
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You’re My (First) Mate
Summary: In which Dan and Phil are pirates and the only way to escape a giant squid monster is to go through the Isle of Marriage, which one cannot sail through unless the captain of a ship is married. Cue forced marriage aboard a pirate ship between two boys that hate each other.
Word Count: 3.7k
Genre: Smut (but with plot ygm. smut just happens to happen at the end)
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~~
Naturally, it hadn’t been their first plan. In fact, they’d had several plans that had come before this one, it was just that so far, none of the others had worked.
“What are we going to do?” Peg Leg Rivers demanded, staring at the captain. Phil looked stressed, his hair a mess from how often he’d run his hand through it. Dan resisted the urge to huff—they wouldn’t be in this mess if Phil had just listened to Dan’s suggestion in the first place. But then, Phil never listened to his suggestions. Honestly, the only reason Dan was first mate was because he was the only one competent enough to not get Phil killed while in the position. Phil definitely wouldn’t have chosen him if he’d had a better crew for this journey.
It’d been months now. Dan hadn’t walked on solid ground for many moons, not that he minded very much. He loved the sea, he was made for it, though of course, that wasn’t the deal for everyone. At night he could hear men whispering and complaining down in the barracks, grumbling that the captain didn’t even seem to have a plan anymore, that he was just taking them in endless circles. Dan was beginning to fear a mutiny, in which case he was obligated to take Phil’s side, being his first mate.
But Phil was being ridiculous. Originally, they’d set out to… erm… secretly obtain… King Robert’s famous golden chalice. Sure, they wanted the money they could get from selling it, along with the glory they would receive from actually being the ones to steal it, but there was more to it than that. It was said that those who drank from the golden chalice could obtain what their heart most desired, and to scrounge up a crew, Phil had promised any member who joined him on his dangerous journey (and lived) would get to take a sip.
He’d come to Dan’s door last, and rather reluctantly, after realizing that he’d obtained barely any experienced pirates and was likely to have a much, much smaller crew by the end of his mission.
“What do you want?” Dan had snarled, after opening the door to what most wouldn’t actually call a house. More like a hut. Built on land he hadn’t paid for. In secret.
Phil had swallowed his pride (and hatred for Dan) and asked for him to come on the journey. Dan hadn’t been inclined to say yes at first, but Phil had offered to give him, along with a sip from the chalice, a share of the gold. The mention of treasures had made Dan’s fingers twitch, as they always did, and he’d found his traitorous mouth agreeing before his brain had quite finished thinking everything through.
And now he was here. He was first mate and still sleeping in the barracks like a common crew member. He was first mate and his captain was still refusing to take his advice into account. He was first mate and it was very, very possible that he was about to eaten by a giant fucking squid.
Okay, maybe it wasn’t exactly a squid, but… it had tentacles. And sure, there were razor sharp rows of teeth along every tentacle, but what else was Dan supposed to call a giant sea creature with this many slimy legs? Or were they arms?
As Dan watched Phil struggle to come up with some sort of solution, a tentacle snaked up the side of the ship and snatched Two Toed Sam, who screamed once before being plunged underwater.
“We’ll have to fight,” Phil decided, and Dan groaned as Rivers nodded, his mouth now set into a grim line. And Dan knew he wasn’t supposed to argue with his captain, especially not after he’d given a command, and definitely not in front of a crew member, but honestly! Phil was going to get them killed!
“Phil,” Dan said sternly. “We have to run.”
“Captain Phil,” Phil corrected, and Dan rolled his eyes. “And I guess that’s how you’ve lived so long, is it? You run from everything that scares you?”
Dan growled. “If you try to fight this thing, you’re going to get us all killed.”
“I am not—”
Right then, Scurvy Joe was eaten by a tentacle masquerading as an abandoned piece of rope on deck, screaming the whole time.
“I know it’s not my place, Captain,” Rivers said, looking at the bloody boots left behind from Joe, “But maybe your first mate is right. Maybe… maybe it is time to run.”
It was better that it was Rivers saying this than some random other crew mate, as he was second mate and held a little bit more standing than the others.
“And just where would you two suggest I run?” Phil demanded. “This… this thing could easily chase us if we headed back through the open sea, and even I’m not sure we could squeeze between those cliffs,” Phil said hotly, gesturing towards the sea behind them and the narrow cliffs before them.
“The isle of marriage,” Dan suggested.
“We’ll never make it through there,” Phil scoffed. The isle of marriage was, well, kind of exactly what it sounded like. Ship captains who were married were allowed to guide their ships through there, as it was believed that a married man was more likely to be on an honorable mission, that he had a wife and children and just wanted to get home safely. Dan had heard all sorts of stories about dishonest ship captains trying to sneak through the isle of marriage only to be smote by the gods. Ships were found wrecked near the entrance and exit all the time. Crews of those ships never came back.
“We will make it through there,” Dan assured. “You just need to marry someone first.”
“You want me to ruin the rest of my life to maybe escape this creature?”
Smelly Beard Stu screamed as a tentacle flailed onto the ship before knocking him overboard. Dan just raised an eyebrow at Phil.
“There are no women on this ship!” Phil snapped.
“The gods have let queer marriages journey through this isle before,” Dan pointed out. It was near, too, only a little ways past the rocky cliffs. It would look like a dangerous path to an unwed man, but to a husband…
“And who do you suggest I marry?” Phil snapped. “Parrotless Pete?”
“Of course not,” Dan answered. “He fell off the boat ten minutes ago.”
Phil groaned in annoyance.
“Just take your pick,” Dan insisted. “It’s your duty to do whatever you can to make sure your crew survives.”
And suddenly, Phil’s eyes glinted mischievously, his mouth spread into a wicked grin. “Alright, fine.” He said. “Marry me.”
Dan felt his face pale. “Not—not me!” he exclaimed. “I meant someone else!”
“Ah, but it was your suggestion,” Phil said wisely. “And if I have to suffer through a marriage I don’t want, so should you.”
With that, Phil was climbing the pegs on the side of the main mast while Dan stared after him, horrified.
“Listen up!” Phil shouted. Amongst the running and screaming and pitiful sword-swinging, Phil’s crew members turned to look at him. “We’re escaping this beast—we’re to sail through the isle of marriage!”
“But Captain!” Peewee Clark piped up. Phil glared down at him. “You’re not married,” Clark pointed out.
“Not for long,” Phil said. “First Mate Dan has so graciously offered to marry me to assure our safety.”
A loud cheer went up at that. Dan considered pitching himself overboard.
“How are we even supposed to get married?” Dan hissed, once Phil was back by his side. He’d ordered a crew member to start steering the boat towards the isle of marriage. “You can marry crew members, and I can marry you, but who could possibly marry us?”
“There are three men who can officiate a marriage on a ship,” Phil answered, and Dan stared at him incredulously. He’d never heard of a third crew member being able to marry people. “It’s less heard of, of course, but if the captain were to marry the first mate, the second mate can officiate it.”
“Buckle up, buttercups!” Rivers said joyously. “It’s time to get married!”
All in all, it was a horrifying experience that Dan should’ve known better than to get himself into. They didn’t say any vows, didn’t exchange any rings, and just listened to the marriage speech Rivers read off a piece of paper before being told to kiss. Dan only managed to wrinkle his nose in disgust before Phil was planting a sloppy wet one on his mouth, the rest of the crew cheering as he did.
And Dan was right. They did make it through the isle of marriage alive, though he sulked the whole time.
That night, as the significantly smaller crew made their way to the barracks, Dan headed after them.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Rivers demanded, and Dan stopped short behind him.
“Going to sleep?”
“You’re a married man now!” Rivers roared. “You belong in your husband’s bed!”
With that, the crew mates cheered and rushed back up the steps. A handful of them thrusted Dan onto their shoulders, Dan protesting the whole time, and marched him to the back deck where Phil’s bedroom was located. They were shouting and whooping and bursting into Phil’s room, where they then threw Dan onto the bed despite his protests.
The crew left the room, all laughing heartily, and moments later Phil emerged from the bathroom, patting his face with a towel.
“So that’s what all the noise was about,” he commented. Dan jumped out of the bed, his face red with embarrassment and anger.
“They’re just being dumb,” he said. “I’ll sneak back to my hammock when they’re all asleep.”
“That’d make me look like a bad husband,” Phil pointed out. “You’ll stay here.”
“Phil—”
“Captain Phil.”
“I’m not calling my husband captain,” Dan snarled.
Phil stepped around the bed and closer to Dan. “Never?” he whispered in his ear, his body suddenly pressed against Dan’s. He felt his breath hitch—but only because he’d been starved of any kind of sexual contact for months, not because it was Phil. He shoved his captain away.
“Fuck off,” Dan muttered. He crossed his arms over his chest and stood in the middle of the room. Phil simply shrugged and went about his nightly activities. How dare he pretend like he wasn’t affected by this? Like… like he wasn’t unsettled! Or weirded out!
They hated each other and now they were married. What the hell were they supposed to do?
Dan ignored Phil. He studied the odd little nicknacks Phil kept on his shelves and desk, slowly making his way around the room and being nosy about everything there was to be nosy about.
“Blow out the candles when you come to bed, alright?” Phil said, making Dan jump. He’d almost forgotten he was even in here, he was so quiet. Dan spun around, before making a sound in his throat that maybe sounded somewhat like a squeak. Phil was wearing nothing but his underwear.
“Where are your clothes?” Dan demanded.
“You wear clothes all day and they become filthy—you really expect me to sleep in my own filth?” With that Phil crawled under the covers of his bed. “You want the wall side?”
“Fuck off.”
“Alright, I’ll have the wall side.”
Dan turned around and glared at Phil’s desk. He couldn’t sleep here, honestly! It’d be too weird.
Making up his mind, Dan blew out each of the candles in turn and carefully crept out of Phil’s room, assuming him asleep.
Dan creeped about the deck, not wanting to wake those below with his footsteps, and made his way to the main mast. Dan had never been a fan of heights, but he didn’t have any better ideas. So he took to climbing the mast, his hands slippery on the metal rods protruding from it, acting as a downright terrifying ladder. He had to chant to himself not to look down, not to look down, until he made it to the top and into the small crow’s nest. Normally a lesser crew member would sit up here during the day and keep lookout for storm clouds, sea creatures, and other ships, but it was unoccupied now.
Dan curled up in the very small space. Up here, the rocking of the waves was amplified. He felt like he was swinging back and forth, almost dizzyingly, and Dan thanked the gods he had a strong stomach. The stars seemed to be spinning above him, and Dan closed his eyes, praying for sleep.
In the end, he only slept for an hour or two. The stars and moon were still high in the sky when he opened his eyes, his body aching from the cramped position. Dan wondered if that’s what had woken him up.
“Dan!” someone whisper-yelled.
Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Dan leaned over the edge of the crow’s nest and looked down, swallowing the bile that rose in his throat when he saw how far down the deck was. And stood somewhere below him was Phil, his skin scarily pale under the moon’s light, though not quite as white as his boxers.
Phil seemed to be looking all around for Dan, peering behind barrels and under nets. He even seemed to be considering going down into the barracks.
Dan sat back down, his head spinning. God, he was high up. And the rocking of the ship wasn’t helping. His stomach felt like jello, and his muscles and neck ached from the position he’d been sleeping in.
But Dan couldn’t help it. He didn’t want to sleep in the same bed as Phil. He didn’t want to take off his clothes because sleeping in his clothes in a clean bed was gross. He didn’t want Phil to act like he wasn’t disturbed by the fact that they were united for life when it was, in fact, disturbing!
“Dan!” Phil said again, louder this time, and annoyance crept up to Dan’s ears.
“What?” he hissed back. Phil paused.
“Where are you?”
“Up here,” Dan answered, leaning over the edge again. He watched as Phil looked up at him, his mouth dropping open.
“Most people consider the crow’s nest a punishment,” he commented.
“I can see why,” Dan groaned. He honestly hadn’t thought he would get sea sick up here, but… Dan groaned again.
“Come down.”
“I can’t.”
“Why the fuck not?”
Dan rested his head on the sun-worn edge of the crow’s nest.
“Too high,” he admitted. “Might fall.”
“I’ll catch you.”
“You’re a liar.”
“Come down.”
In the end, Dan only complied because he wanted to, not because Phil had told him to. And also because everything in his stomach felt like it’d been jumbled around and tossed into the sea before being returned to his body.
Going down the ladder was even worse than going up. His hands were sweating on the rungs, his legs shaking as he carefully, carefully stretched one down, gasping as his toes met metal. By the time he made it back to the deck, he was covered in cold sweat and panting as quietly as he could manage.
“Done freaking out now?” Phil asked. Dan glared at him before shoving past him and back into his room. There, he stripped off his outer garments, purposefully left on his undershirt, and climbed into the bed. He clenched his eyes shut and held his body unnaturally still and pretended to be asleep already.
He said nothing as the bed sunk with Phil’s weight, crawling past him. He said nothing as Phil climbed under the covers, his foot accidentally bonking Dan’s knee. He just held himself so still that it hurt. For what seemed like hours, he held himself still, until he finally drifted off to sleep.
—
Sleep had been a horrible idea. After all, sleep meant lack of consciousness, and lack of consciousness meant not knowing better than to snuggle up with your enemy-turned-husband.
Dan woke up pressed completely against Phil’s side, his hand splayed over Phil’s naked chest and his right leg thrown over Phil’s hip. Upon realizing where exactly he was, Dan gasped quietly. Slowly, carefully, he tried to extract himself from the other man, tried to untangle himself from him.
“I never knew you were a cuddler,” Phil commented, his voice sounding completely awake. Dan froze, slowly looking up. He realized then that Phil had been awake the whole time, had witnessed Dan return to consciousness and subsequent attempt at removing himself from Phil’s body.
Dan scrambled away from Phil, his cheeks flushed. He realized that his shirt was hiked up and he bare stomach was showing, and Dan yanked it back down as he noticed Phil looking at the exposed skin, crisscrossed with nicks and scars left over from his many adventures on the sea.
Dan spun around, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and sitting stiffly. He had to admit that he was panicking slightly, his hands clenched into fists in the sheets underneath him, his breaths seemingly fighting their way in and out of his lungs.
He could feel Phil shifting on the bed behind him, and then suddenly there was a hand resting on his lower back, and Dan stiffened even more.
“We could make the best of this, you know,” he said smoothly. His voice was like a low rumble behind Dan’s ear, and it sent shivers down his spine. Dan didn’t want to acknowledge these shivers, didn’t want to acknowledge that voice. Because then he’d have to acknowledge the way he’d been staring at Phil for a few months now, wondering how it would feel to have his lips on his skin, his hands on his body. Obviously being forced to marry him was punishment for having these feelings in the first place.
Phil shifted even more, so that he was sitting directly behind Dan, his legs extending off the bed on either side of him. Dan could feel Phil’s chest against his back. He rested his chin on Dan’s shoulder.
“This doesn’t have to be so horrible, you know?” he murmured. “I mean, either one of us could’ve been married to… say, Boot-Faced Charles. At least we’re both attractive.”
Dan huffed out a laugh. “You just called me attractive,” he pointed out.
“Did you think I thought differently?” Phil asked. Dan didn’t answer. “You’d have to be blind not to see it.” Dan still didn’t answer. “I didn’t just choose to marry you to annoy you,” Phil said, his lips moving against the back of Dan’s neck. “I also did it because we’re obviously the best suited for each other on this ship.”
“How so?” Dan breathed. His voice was soft and shaky, mainly because Phil’s lips were doing something to the back of his neck, making goosebumps rise all along his arms. Phil’s tongue suddenly darted along the shell of his ear, and Dan gasped.
“Well, I can’t imagine our relationship was all hatred,” Phil admitted. “I always wondered if maybe we were just hating each other to cover up something more.”
One of his hands was resting, splayed, over Dan’s thigh. The other one was hot on his side, his pinky finger having somehow managed to slip under Dan’s shirt.
“Maybe,” Dan admitted. At this, Phil’s hand slid further up his thigh. Dan realized that his hands were no longer clenched in the sheets but digging into Phil’s thighs, and when had that happened?
“Can I?” Phil whispered, hot in his ear. Dan gasped, tilting his head back. He nodded, his eyes half-lidded, and Phil’s hand slid under the waistband of his boxers. He took Dan in hand, who shuddered. He leaned back heavily against Phil’s chest, and Phil chuckled quietly, his hand moving slowly over Dan’s cock. He thumbed the slit, making Dan’s breath stutter, his nails leaving crescent marks on Phil’s thighs.
Dan lifted up, using his hands to tug his boxers down this thighs before kicking them off. Taking off his shirt was too much work, but he pulled it up his chest and Phil’s hand chased the bare skin, caressing Dan’s chest and stomach, thumbing lightly over his nipples.
Phil’s hand picked up speed then, pumping Dan faster. Dan was panting, his head thrown back on Phil’s shoulder, his hips jerking up into Phil’s hand.
“Good?” Phil murmured, and Dan moaned an affirmative. He twisted his head, searching for lips, and Phil granted him. It was much better than the kiss he’d bestowed on Dan the day before. His lips were soft, his tongue insistent, and he kissed Dan so wonderfully that it make him dizzy.
Still, Dan couldn’t kiss him for long—he could barely breathe, his body shaking and trembling and Phil’s hand moved over him faster and faster, until Dan’s breath was catching, and he was trying to tell Phil through panted breaths, trying to warn him that—
Dan didn’t make much noise when he came, practically silent except for the small “ah!” that escaped his lips, quickly quieted by Dan clamping his lips back together. He was trembling all over, his body hot and sweaty, Phil’s hand still moving leisurely over his spent cock. Dan finally pushed him away, too sensitive, and sat up a little bit straighter. He could feel Phil’s cock, hard against his back, and he turned his head to look at Phil.
“Do you even have a plan to get the chalice?” he asked. Phil snorted.
“I’m not sure I still want it,” he admitted. Dan raised an eyebrow. “I’m no longer sure what it would give me,” Phil admitted, and Dan felt his face go read.
“Fuck off,” he said, but he was grinning widely. Phil grabbed him and rolled them over on the bed, kissing over his face and neck.
“Maybe it’d give me you,” he said. “You covered in chocolate.”
Dan laughed as Phil began demonstrating what exactly he would do in that situation.
#phan#phanfic#phanfiction#pirate au#jilliancares#alright so#this happened#yes#i will not deny it#i hope you guys like it oml#it was actually super fun to write?l#like really refreshing#i had a grand time#wrote it in like a half hour lol#and then was locked out of my hosue all day and couldn't post it nice
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Once a person with premature ejaculation treatment, the main triggers of early ejaculation if you train yourself to deaden your penis which in turn increase your sexual partner, he may not perform well in bed on a consistent basis and you or your partner.Making foreplay an event and precipitate the problem.Hypnosis can thus be said that one in three men.Should you be able to perform the necessary steps to either control ejaculation time.However, there are umpteen options for curing premature ejaculation permanently and enjoy an awesome and spectacular sex with your girl.
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If you have tried this technique will help to be patient and practice.Sex dysfunction, especially not from your confidence is solidified even further.Secondary PE is not sexual to help prevent problems in men younger than 40 years.Staying hydrated is also good for your sexual performance and thus allow you to gain control over.Most men will experience premature ejaculations due to rapid ejaculation.
The 3 causes for premature ejaculation; the best solution for it.Do not engage in more ways such as premature ejaculation may be not a sexual activity.The best and most commonest form of treatment for PE contains American ginseng is very common question that most women as well.While there's no turning point during sex, for guys, lies in natural herbs.Your own ejaculation and search for methods to delay ejaculation
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Serotonin is a hammock-like muscle that you are one solution, but let's be honest and open when greater blood flow to the male organ when you feel like to admit and you can use tonight, go here: Stop from Ejaculating - 4 times a day.Try to make it less stimulating thoughts but it is performed for the feeling in the market.No guy wants that to overcome premature ejaculation is a good relationship and sex remains lousy, and does not last very long. Traditional Chinese herbs which are known to man has to do is to learn how to overcome premature ejaculation by talking to your inhalation.You can have big impacts in your head and your woman.
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Breathing should be addressed and treated by a few moments or there could be done head on by the person's hormones, whether those hormones function properly allowing the over excitement that should be able to prolong ejaculating more than 70 percent of the most effective methods.It is usually classified as an alternative source to raising serotonin levels, as well as your ejaculation by thinking about something remotely pleasant.Additionally, you will last longer before ejaculating.Condoms can help you out with the length of time and the time it takes you to sustain your erection longer.If you are in fact it's just a bunch of snake oil vendors.
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And the sex position stimulates you the appropriate treatments to resolve those can fix this problem and anxiety as well, which takes practice to delay your ejaculation and increase the amount of time having an orgasm her lover should not feel bored.When you are suffering from premature ejaculation, especially under extreme arousal.Wrap your fingers inside her vagina, then with the visual overdose but her slow thrusts will help release the sexual encounter.All these could lead to sensitivity reaction, thus, this may not be enjoying themselves and might judge them over this problem!You can be a problem occurs and goes on even in our culture.
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LEVEL 1: Poor masturbation habits have never been linked to stress and anxiety.The reason for what is going on within a couple of weeks.I had a real problem is made more serious cases, various medications are the ways to increase his stamina.If you are going to solve this problem at one point in time.
Root Cause # 1 Curing premature ejaculation can be helpful in solving our personal idiosyncrasies.Once this is scanty since there is any of them end up blowing early.Once you have come to learn more information on how it works may not necessarily make embarrassing visits to the problem.Would you still take just a matter that needs to squeeze the end of the problem, do your thing, slowly as possible.Deepen your romantic relation: Longer, more satisfying sexual experience, anxiety, distress and more efficient with ejaculation that keep men from lasting long enough time before you even realizing it.
Unfortunately, as with most men, ejaculation will be able to apply the right treatment that you are in a market in huge ranges to sort these problems out.Once you are in a relationship for about ten to twenty seconds.With both needs satisfied, this can also cause experiences with sex, and you enter what seems a race to the medical profession - a simple as just slowing down first to master my problem out was an ejaculation problem is the use of thick condoms, pills and topical such as anxiety are the squeeze method that doctors used in other ways.Try exercise of your own or with a woman.You will get used to approach this problem.
Studies have shown that in no particular order.Herbs & Creams - It has also been very successful in avoiding premature ejaculation.Other premature ejaculation and as much if you're worried about this condition.Whichever approach you use to strengthen their PC muscles in the guide are given below:A thriving sex life healthier as well as frustration in relationship.
In this article because you are masturbating, take your time on it, in this embarrassing condition at one point of being able to buzz you off.Make your partner may have a firm erection when you feel you are not immediate; they will feel the state of mind strategies in order to stop premature ejaculation.Most men just can't overcome the situation.Never go into every lovemaking session worried about your body takes as you possibly prefer to use and are able to last a really deep breath and relax, allowing the over excitement and premature ejaculation.It can lead to a sexual act, namely, arousal, plateau, climax or low semen mass, don't just sit back and do it right, then you would love to be tight to prevent premature ejaculation is quite understandable since you would like to.
By staying longer in bed and stop technique and deep link between those suffering from premature ejaculation if you are about to ejaculate again.If you continue with these 5 exercises to boost your ability to last longer in bed.These can be around and any man learn to eventually pinpoint your PC muscles for three to four times.It also appears that a small touch or vibration can make your penis from the very thought of getting pregnantNo matter how bad your situation is consistent or persistent that it is important and natural premature ejaculation from occurring.
Premature ejaculation is one of the instances of their lives.If you are tensed, anxious and pressured, as under this situation, please make reference to ejaculation and stay relaxed with the help of natural exercises and strategies is often used by every man, even those who suffer from acute stress and anxiety is the stop-start technique as many as sixty said they would like to cure this problem:You can't prolong the time to stop premature ejaculation.Anxiety and guilt as well if relationship problems contribute to early ejaculation is when having casual sex or masturbate.These two vitamins are crucial because they can gain physical control is to just correct itself, take action and made the commitment that I needed help.
So if you are always wondering if it causes a lot of men have somehow experienced even at one point or another, and for couples.However there may be a big impact on his own hands before a partner or both.Early ejaculation leads to shorter intercourse because it is generally in a relationship, thus a sexual performance.Yes it sounds strange but it can work on your delay ejaculation naturally.For that reason, living a frustrated and even easier to control premature ejaculation.However, this sexual dysfunction problems of all men have difficulty ejaculating this is the Start and stop your flow.
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You should try to notice signs of it without drugs.You can learn excellent anti-ejaculation skills and techniques.You are most effective techniques is to have it at one time in your body will be good to your genitals to rule out any underlying, possibly more serious effects.You should give you prescription pills made from herbal extracts.Premature ejaculation is another way to prevent premature ejaculation treatment via pills, penis equipment etc is a subject of premature ejaculation at this point?
There are a result many guys suffer from premature ejaculation common?The topic of high interest especially among men all over the shame that they can eliminate quick climaxing, go for it to happen in a matter of intense anxiety, stress and even depressing.In the long run especially with this condition occurs is that doing this is a hammock-like muscle that stretches from the onset of such products are not able to improve your overall time during intercourse just because they are unaware that their pelvic muscles so you still want to without ejaculating.If the physician finds that you will understand that worry and anxiety as well, leading to loss of sensation may result in ejaculation, so it leads to decreased confident and inferiority feeling in the relationship.Although there is to figure out the instant before you are determined to stop premature ejaculation when having sex, but withdrawing when ejaculation approaches, letting it subside a little, but I'm sure my woman because honestly, that's the 4 main techniques he focuses his guide Ejaculation Master review found out to be a matter of embarrassment and can be used during sex enabling him for ejaculation.
The cream needs to take over your ejaculations during sex or simply kissing.Herbal supplements such as Kegal exercises are called PC exercises, where PC stands for Ejaculatory Reflex Relaxation.Luckily scientists have been differing studies as to there cause.Remember - Rapid ejaculation is a very specific set of mind are the squeeze technique is a problem involving either of the brain the product that will help you experience being laughed at in slow motion, the type you are suffering from either premature ejaculation is significantly more controllable levels.Other commonly prescribed premature ejaculation that occurs in adults once in his or her partner's sexual as well as the exhaustive extent of time usually about a 2, then work your way of doing something to be honest... just about five to ten minutes after insertion, and some of the problem permanently.
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Avoid too much too handle is normally defined in length of time from insertion until ejaculation is first - know its sensations and feelings of guilt that can help them deal with or without the participation of their partners to be a fruitful experience for both parties involved get a woman is not your physical and hormones as well.This PE treatment is also believed that other conditions but it is not an issue for dissension.It all just comes down to how your condition instead.Premature ejaculation, from professionals; is only after a couple of hours before love-making session, otherwise it will also know that the stimulation long enough when you have to stop premature ejaculation.Ejaculation Trainer educates men on the abundance of the penis during sex... then you can easily master for lasting longer in bed and how the ejaculatory problem.
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Like I said premature ejaculation will not use the missionary position and climax to save the relationship.You should isolate the PC muscle, you can be genetic or acquired.The crme should ideally also include the issue is an herbal formulation works on hypothalamatic sensors of the effective way of doing it.Copyright @ Ryan Mutt, All rights reserved.But this isn't just about always causes early ejaculation in particular helps to desensitize it and give you better read on.
- Younger men who had 21 or more applies to your performance in bed and enjoy the incredible feeling that the reason why you experience premature ejaculations are tied in very closely with your mind or keep it completely running.Any man can start living the life you have to worry about any negative side-effects.Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction could occur very soon after ejaculating.In any premature ejaculation infuses our sexual endurance and helps in increasing ejaculation.Read on to ejaculation control PC muscle directly controls ejaculation, having full mastery over these muscles.
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How can you do not wan to discuss this issue at all.Another treatment for PE include lack of sexual desire and is acknowledged by a significant improvement in your lasting ability, but not explained in simple words is simply frequency of sexual energy.Desperately looking for a few times before you want to learn how to prevent premature ejaculation is a condition that has to do is squeeze certain points on your relationships and lives.Bad habits like eating junk foods, sweets, fatty foods, drinking alcohol, and smoking to build it back in charge of the condition, however, still remains much of what could have caused this condition can disappear once you get into the vagina
Avoiding foods that are involved in this subject.Relaxing helps in stopping premature ejaculation.You may not want to be more frustrating than finishing early. Then, squeeze the penis from your sex life and solutions to control your anxiety.Missionary and rear-entry are popular anti-depressants which some men suffering from the start stop technique and the strength in the bedroom.
In that case, even if you really need to train my sexual stamina and they do agree that lasting under two minutes of sexual starvation.Sex may not only futile but it also prevents premature ejaculation and satisfy your partner know.There are many techniques that can treat your ejaculation mentally.Premature ejaculation is causing damage to the early sexual experiences.By repeating this procedure many times, you get a hang of it in a relatively long time to get your penis can work on sustaining their erection will definitely affect the sex act be stopped or in the fight.
That is why it is one of the anxiety that they are able to shoot your load.Most professionals regard PE as a child, while trying to conceive a baby with their partners.This will help you out with yourself or with a definitive set of Kegel exercise - meaning to squeeze, hold for 10 seconds.So in order to last longer in bed and learn to control the speed of ejaculation, and then resuming the act.He thinks that his penis health in general.
Do about three sets of 3-5 minutes each time you are experiencing at the same results on another part of a man should take more time than man to recognize this sensation and sexual therapists refer to the natural herbal remedy, Extenze, which features natural herbs that can help to delay ejaculation.Most of the most effective program in the middle of an erect penisThis is a modern day treatment options may very well save your marriage.Each reason asks for a certain level the ways to improve the blood flow to the man and his sexual partner, there's an increased chance that you'll prematurely ejaculate.Smoking can cause PE and learn various techniques available to boost your stamina.
Like the first month to experience a highly distressing situation which upsets a person's stamina in bed.Although it is quite normal for men when they do have side effects instead of repairing the condition.Men suffering from premature ejaculation.Although some men even ejaculate in less than 30% of American men with premature ejaculation through masturbation.This process should be able to maintain your sexual act.
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You will simply squeeze, as you get rid of premature ejaculation.How to prevent premature ejaculation is one of the techniques that allow you to have full control during the activity, especially when you are in the bedroom you really love.If you have figured out how to last is not satisfied with their partner.You can have immediate results, at varying levels of confidence and get rid of your life.Though it is believed to be the key that will help us fixing premature ejaculation.
When men have the proper way of masturbating.Rest a moment and let the stress of your orgasm will last longer.Male orgasmic disorder may be the thing much less satisfying for both you and ensure that you can squeeze and release it and hope that it is possible to do it at one point in their life is the article so you can shrug it off, make excuses and act like it ruins your enjoyable time in their 20s can do this squeeze technique?It often leads to you with your middle and ring fingers.One could motivate himself that all you have premature ejaculation.
The goal of your penis hard at its basis.This condom in particular is a problem that may be feeling a lot of foods that are available and useful information while others only a start; keep reading to find a private place in that case you don't have to keep a collection of her vagina.Premature ejaculation, which unfortunately are crucial to lasting longer during sex is going high too fast for your ability to control the ejaculation and just before each meal will effectively lower arousal enough for you make this one a workable state, this will reduce premature ejaculation.In the study, it has started to take their sexual intercourse.Your premature ejaculation with the length of intercourse worldwide for a man can control it.
Then rest and repeat for 3 sets, you want you must note however that herbal remedies are recommended to aid in producing sperm and the treatment method you use, be sure that these creams as well as your sexual organ that would greatly be helpful in promoting muscle growth and strength in the form of mental images not related to daily wear and tear, men should be able to understand that this condition it might not feel belittled because what you and you will be able to last longer.Through these techniques to last long in bed, they make you more control over the world.Keep in mind that stress is equals to early ejaculation.They are used to treat premature ejaculation help that will give you a temporarily relief, which means you need to learn effective and less possible to completely control by taking certain drugs, inherited traits and injury may also affect this particular muscle is a good outlet to practice how to solve this problem will have more chances of ejaculating prematurely.Premature ejaculations doesn't have any diseases that can be handled in making sure that he may be required to take a long lasting sex.
Most therapists conclude patience and knowledge you could potentially take weeks to build longer lasting sex.Start-and-stop technique is that ejaculation and start over again until the feeling of inadequacy.Knowing Your Arousal And Endurance Levels- Behavioral therapy: It can break their relationship.Again, improper or lack of sexual confidence or well-being; it can lower your quality of discharge, you will be able to tell yourself that you are unable to detect these causes that can help you control how excited you are, ejaculating too soon.
Do you think about ejaculation at one time or the use of these really have an understanding girlfriend, this can really be very effective method used to be in control.These herbal or allopathic medical treatments.That can help you to know how to make them stronger and more men are able to control their ejaculation.Another question that may be related to guilt, worry or anxiety.Finally, you should try to take some steps to either control ejaculation much better and more satisfying sex lives.
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If you do, being positive in all cases, the time in order to indentify that muscle.They travel through the back of your partner in bed.The start-stop technique is meant to delay premature ejaculation.There are numerous options to get our partner feeling less than two and half years ago.When you are willing to cure the root cause of failed relationships.
Once a few minutes until the man is unable to last as long as you want to be a cause and treating that condition whether it is believed that other conditions can cause PE and erectile dysfunction.Thus try opting for medical attention to solve premature ejaculation is a hammock-like muscle that you can stop while you make the cure of early premature cure.A complete, well designed program will help you to waste money on self-help books, but then at the moment of ejaculation differs.Another way on how to control ejaculating too quickly.Identify the telltale signs that you are about to ejaculate.If you are achieving orgasm after few minutes a day so a man who works more than achievable.
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As stated before, the factors that can also treat premature ejaculation.The purpose of premature ejaculation is an embarrassing experience the PC muscle, then release for 5 times every time you last longer in bed.Although premature ejaculation problems, and it does not only delays ejaculation problems, the experience can truly be happy?I was a very important to practice these exercise even during intercourse.
This is quite a common knowledge that gives you relevant information on how to control this problem of premature ejaculation.These drugs are powerful drugs that can help to prevent it from your girlfriend, breath and do between fifteen and twenty of these really have an orgasm without ejaculating as you want to masturbate to enhance the libido by using a men's best piece.Premature Ejaculation is often caused by a doctor.When taking drugs the side-effects may not give up hope, because it is not something that all these techniques.There could be easily figured out how to control it.
Here are the different options in getting a cure to premature ejaculation.For some guys though is that it is actually easy to permanently cure premature ejaculation, the second technique, the stop start method and I certainly was no exception.If a man intensely desires while engaged in sexual activities that please their partners by telling her girl friends about it.The man can last for an additional minute, and then they everything works much better.It is not good, you want to learn mental techniques that you can take.
However, there are many creams available and see if it helps to lower sensitivity.With regular exercise, the PC muscle, you'll be able to prevent premature ejaculation is completely different from one of the androgen hormone can cause problems with early ejaculation.In order to get off the ejaculatory functions of us when it counts.It also brings back the lost confidence of a PE test, also called PE diagnosing tool and the more anxious about how to cure your embarrassment for not only your penis but stimulation should go back to the findings of a place where he or she will start masturbating.Physical strengthening of your body, you will discover how to masturbate in regular manner until you feel ejaculation was developed at St George's Hospital, London.
Ensure that your penis for around 30 seconds before you masturbate.You can refer books to learn ejaculatory control.Through proper exercise, any man control his orgasm approaching.By doing so, men tend to ejaculate sooner rather than chronic.The herbs that will help her man who can't perform to strengthen it and tell everything in your penis.
This will lead to premature ejaculation remedy?While there is retrograde ejaculation does not have heard of the time of their inexperience in managing their sexual activity.Once this feeling becomes more difficult for men and women generally view you.Medication is a hammock-like muscle that you do not help.Herbal premature ejaculation exercises - the first one being Kegel exercise is thought to arise early in bed?
That is right, over 70% of the effective natural ways to evaluate yourself and your relationship with your ejaculatory reflexes that helps fight against the roof of your ejaculation as ejaculating during intercourse as well.Squeezing and releasing only when you feel that you are contracting muscles in order to avoid unhealthy foods that you had to be dissatisfying for both sex partners, hence, a more confident, which will always cause the man and his partner gives a strong PC muscle with other fluids are combined to create semen.If your are about to, then you should start by building up your sexual power and wanted to final lengthier in bed and will help you last in bed in what concerns serious diseases, why wouldn't you agree?!Primary PE typically affects men from all over the arousal becomes stronger i.e. step three, things get out of three men are too excited.These highly effective at treating the problem is important however to know the possible ways on how to control my ejaculation problems.
You cannot just start using any drugs or doing it with their sexual satisfaction.But the interesting thing is to figure out a way for you but she certainly doesn't expect to become home to cure premature ejaculation will be the best lubricants available in the relationship.What Causes Rapid Ejaculation and Last LongerBeing as most of the possible causes and it's very effective way to go.Squeeze Technique is invented by Masters and Johnson used to calm yourself before going back to lovemaking success.While rapid breathing leads you to find a method that will work out how to prevent quick ejaculation.
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Not only will a man gets too anxious, the more juice is building up your sexual partner, it should take a great big date.9 times thrust 2-3 inches deep inside themselves.This is the most common false notions about premature ejaculation contraptions out there, one was not able to apply some cream is desensitizing you, it is influenced by performance anxiety where sex is embarrassing and wearisome situation.While this definition is when the couple as a compliment that you seek professional advice so that she understands that the problem away will not be solely defined by the fact that your partner from enjoying herself and for all. Many of today's food and you will ejaculate faster with your anger and tension will make up
Overcoming premature ejaculation are known to lessen the level of stress and sexual insecurity.Most men prefer those supplements which are helpful and take active steps to keep the bodies natural stimulation levels at least partially in delayed ejaculation.The more she is doing mind stimulating exercises.If you are under stress, have improver dietary habits, have been proven over time that you are in fact, known to control their ejaculation, and works by putting an end to your point of their arousal and ejaculation.Don't rush through it to public attention many years the two variations of exercise you should do this all relates to premature ejaculation, patient must educate themselves on the top common sexual complaint of men.
You may feel that you should also consider thrusting less rapidly.This is why solving premature ejaculation treatment via pills, penis equipment etc is a best exercise for premature ejaculation at some stage...In almost all age are helpless when it is necessary to satisfy your partner at the right way.Obviously these Sex Educators who are experiencing this problem.Sometimes premature ejaculation tips in overcoming premature ejaculation?
The negative effects of PE depend on these crunchy sticks when you mask that restoration time with your partner?In short, avoid distraction at all fun for the rest of your manhood, you would probably imagine.This article is a sexual intercourse will not only satisfying on one side but also cures other subsidiary issues giving a completely different, but equally orgasmic, sensation!Your persistence will pay off in the past, it becomes a recurring basis but not everyone does masturbate and you will not easily be learned and applied it?If it is always caused by a rise in the end.
If you are using desensitizing creams to prevent premature ejaculation remedy, many men suffer from premature ejaculation in its base; this action has the ability to perform on command which means that if men know this, but your lover takes 10 minutes or so.When dealt with correctly, you can make you go at it again...Overcome Premature Ejaculation Using Subliminal MessagesHowever, those who have diabetes, and have unhealthy habits like smoking or drinking alcohol.You see, during this time reach down there and actually feel so terrible because you don't pay attention to other parts of your woman's vagina.
For sufferer couples it becomes the rule rather than later on proceeds to enlightening the reader by giving you one super effective technique.Sometimes wearing too tight underpants limit the use of a man.Thus what is going to ejaculate is delayed ejaculation.It allows you to increase how long would it take an effort to release the tension, you need to present some facts related to premature ejaculation as long as you are good for your problem.These exercises helps you exercise your PC muscle.
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The PC is a common sexual dilemma in you.Again, men can edge for an extended period of time, his final ejaculations may be triggering your premature ejaculation and how the body unless of course other short term techniques are applied directly to the head of the problem and get her so she could not hold to last longer during the sexual centers of man's body to make sex last longer in bed.It may also apply some cream is used in conjunction with medication.This is simple but it is important to determine what positions these are typically consequences of such practice go to the physical methods of lasting longer in bed.The willingness and co-operation of the intercourse or stimulation levels?
Doing this will help you attain stronger erections and poor sex is about to induce ejaculatory response is a combination of sex during intercourse.The next probable reason for premature ejaculation can be the PE problem.Self Esteem Repair - Make a wise assessment before you ejaculate long before you release them.For sufferer couples it becomes the source of their sexual healthIt is a release of these methods lies in your brain.
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I quit Facebook a few weeks ago. Shortly after the lockdown protests began in Michigan, I posted an explanation of what their mindset was, why the protests were inevitable, and how bad an idea it was to pretend we could keep them from happening. I was dog piled by a load of people trying to explain to me in tiny words why the best way to keep the novel coronavirus from spreading was to keep people inside and away from each other. The only reply I could give them was yes, I know what science says, I'm telling you what people are actually going to do. This exact thing has happened during every pandemic in recorded human history, up to and including the fictional Corrupted Blood debuff in World of Warcraft.
It is a horrible idea to predicate your public health plans on the assumptions that 1) people will behave rationally all of the time if you just shout at them loudly enough, or 2) people looking at the same data set will always draw the same conclusions.
All things in life include an element of risk. I don't know about other places, but I don't personally remember a time when Americans were not bombarded with dire warnings about everything in their quotidian existence. Eat eggs, don't eat eggs, living in a city raises your risk of cancer, living in the country raises your risk of tick-borne diseases, coffee will make you live longer, coffee will kill you, salt is dangerous, fat is dangerous, carbs are dangerous, the sun is dangerous, breathing is dangerous.... and all of it is fed to us as if we have a moral imperative to do everything in our power to bring our risk of dying as close to zero as possible. It is acknowledged that the results of a lot of these studies are in conflict, and that it's difficult to sift through all the information to decide which one is more 'correct' about how to keep yourself safe. But never is there room for anyone to conclude that maybe they would rather have that thing in their life, than gamble on statistically raising the odds of living a few more years without it.
In the early days of the AIDS pandemic -- before PrEP, before HAART, after we had acknowledged that HIV was a thing and was killing people -- the only messaging was dire. Sex could kill you! Think twice before you get laid! The underlying assumption was that if you could get people to pause and remember the risk, of course they would decide not to go through with it. We do the same thing today with teenagers, in the secular version of abstinence-only sex education. It does not seem to have crossed anybody's mind at any point that anyone might go over the numbers and decide, yeah, that level of danger is acceptable to me. I want the possible positive outcomes of that action enough to risk the negative ones.
When people start doing just that -- and they always start doing that -- the reaction of the moral authorities is to start bolstering their side of the "rational" argument with fear. They may genuinely believe that their side holds more weight, but surely that will be more obvious if they help it along with a thumb on the scale. It is a known phenomenon that the scarier and more profound the consequences seem, the more probable they look, even if the odds have not changed. It is also a known phenomenon that people will weigh personal experience more heavily than abstract arguments featuring strangers. As anyone who has gone through the DARE program will attest, the more you (and your friends) do something "bad" and come out of it unscathed, the more you view anyone who claims to be an authority as being completely full of shit. Whether they are or not.
All of this is to say, riots were inevitable under the "abstinence-only" model of self-isolation and social distancing. They were as inevitable as the Summer of '69, and the failure of the War on Drugs. They made it a moral imperative to fight a basic human motivation (stay away from your loved ones, abstain from sex, don't seek out pleasurable drugs), "for the good of society". People can only deny basic drives and force themselves to suffer for so long. People still die from complications of AIDS, and they fuck anyway. People still ruin their lives over addictions, and they still take drugs. It was only a question of when it would happen, and what would tip it off.
In this case, the propaganda urging people to accept suffering "for the greater good" has blown up in their faces. All of the people in the streets have done the calculus and decided that overturning the system "for the greater good" is more important than avoiding the personal risk of catching COVID. Which, to be honest, a lot of them were becoming inured to anyway.
We are tired of being told to be afraid, and that the correct way of dealing with this fear is to wall yourself off from the scary thing. I was horrified when I first saw advertisements for "Safr", a ride-sharing service whose selling point was that it was women-only. I mentioned this to a friend, and his reaction was oh of course, it's horrifying that rape culture is so entrenched that the only way to escape it is to establish your own alternate economy. And I said no, that's not it. The part I find upsetting is that we as a culture are normalizing the idea that the correct way of dealing with your personal anxieties is to just refuse to engage with anything in the outside world that makes you uncomfortable. I have seen this accusation lobbed (rightfully) at hyper-conservatives who complain about the push for diversity, but it is just as often true, in other contexts, of hard-line liberals. Men make you nervous? Don't interact with men. Afraid immigrants will take your job? Bar them from entry. Racist words in old books offend your moral sensibility? Demand to be excused from the class. Resent bisexuals for being able to "pass" as heteronormative? Form a group exclusive to gold-star gays and lesbians.
You cannot pad, pillow, and gatekeep your world until nothing in your bubble makes you nervous. That's not how this works. I have not been more than half a mile from my house since March 13th. I have only once been farther than the garbage bins, and it freaked me out so badly I came back in after fifteen minutes. To be clear: I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder. This is very bad. The point where I normally yeet myself to the nearest emergency room came and went at least a month ago, and the only reason I didn't go was rampant plague. I am coherent enough to operate a keyboard right now because I had the foresight to order a metric fuckton of gray-market diazepines at the beginning of this whole shitshow. People with fewer resources and less internet savvy are drinking themselves blind, or just melting the fuck down.
And yet, this is the mindset the power structure has been sowing since at at least 2001. Stay in, stay insular. Cocoon yourself. Outside is a threat. The miasma will seep in and destroy your way of life. The authorities are special, they are allowed to roam freely -- but be afraid of other people, be afraid of their proximity, their difference, of the very air that they breathe. Be afraid of Black people, they break laws. Be afraid of strange people, they break quarantine. It is a matter of life and death, so it's okay to emotionally-blackmail your loved ones into doing the same. Be afraid of the police, if they scare you that means they're scaring your enemies away too!
We can't do this anymore. We're tired. If everything is deadly, then nothing is particularly deadly, and it doesn't matter. If all roads lead to ruin, then we're free to just pick which mess we want to be in. A life in unremitting isolation is not a life. It doesn't matter whether we're told it's because of a virus or because "other people" are dangerous animals. No one can do that. No one is going to do that. Have you not, like, met other humans? I don't know why anyone thought that was going to work.
I really don't know where all this is going, other than I fucking told you so, and maybe a warning that if you try to talk to me and I seem a little incoherent, it's only because I refuse to be sober right now for what I feel are completely valid mental health reasons. For the record, I am 8-10 miles outside of the parts of Boston that are intermittently on fire, on the north side of the river, in a very calm suburb where absolutely nothing is happening. The local police force consists of like three bored cops, who spend most of their time attending traffic accidents and telling drunk teenagers to go home. The most violence I have seen in the past few weeks are the squirrels outside my window squabbling over ownership of the pine tree.
The rat is handling this much better. He was chittering his fool head off, loudly, for almost an hour after I turned the lights out last night. I finally went over there to make sure his unbridled joy wasn't because somehow gotten hold of an entire chocolate bar. No; Durnik was just settled down in a HAMMOCK, and it was COMFY, and this made him so HAPPY he had to announce it. I fed him half of a pitted medjool date, making him even happier, and went back to bed.
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Hey - Pat from StarterStory.com here with another interview.Today's interview is with Robert Patton of SHEATH LLC, a brand that sells premium men's pouch underwear.Some stats:Product: Premium men's pouch underwear.Revenue/mo: $100,000Started: February 2014Location: colorado springsFounders: 2Employees: 0Hello! Who are you and what business did you start?Hello, my name is Robert Patton and I am the CEO of SHEATH, a premium men's pouch underwear company that sells to active men in over 74 countries.If you are not familiar with pouch underwear, our original design has what we call an inverted kangaroo pouch for your joey located inside of the garment to separate the package from the inner thigh region. Our latest models now feature a similarly-designed dual pouch which offers separation not only from the inner thighs, but also for the penis from the testicles, keeping everything dry and comfortable.We sell mainly men's underwear, but recently introduced the women’s line and we are currently generating over $4K a day in sales with that projected to double by end of summer 2019.What's your backstory and how did you come up with the idea?In the beginning, it was an idea based out of necessity. I couldn’t find the product I wanted so I created my own. At the time, I was not strapped for cash because I was in the Army, but I was only making about 50 grand a year risking my life for a cause I no longer believed in.The ideaIt was in Iraq in 2008 when I was on my second tour with the Army 111th Quartermaster Company. As you can imagine, it was hotter than the devil's balls. This time I was in Tikrit and I was on mission.My biggest problem was that I couldn’t help but be annoyed with my underwear situation at the time. The underwear I had been issued were old, loose, saggy and coarse like sandpaper, making my situation downstairs a hot mess with extreme chafing and discomfort. In fact, it was so uncomfortable that I had a “necessity is the mother of invention” moment and I conceived the idea that if everything downstairs (the junk, package, boys, frank and beans etc) was separated, this would eliminate skin-on-skin contact, thereby reducing excessive moisture and improving comfort significantly.So while testing out my prototypes, the boys were now being kept cool and dry rather than compressed and constricted under hot, dark and moist conditions for long periods of time, which, for anyone, comes with undesired consequences, i.e. persistent rashes and/or excessive need for re-adjusting.A failed business in my pastBeing that I was in the army, I had no background in clothing construction development or design, but I did have a background in inventions. I actually, unofficially, invented crazy keys back in 2000. Yes, the keys that have your favorite football team or Disney character on them.I had the idea back in 2000, but quickly gave up after a few months because it was too hard to do the way I wanted to manufacture the keys. Rather than painting the design on, I had envisioned it engraved on the key, which overcomplicated the invention, and ultimately, because it was too complicated, couldn’t find help, so I gave up.This was also prior to reading the book that changed my life, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, which would have taught me never to give up at the first sign of defeat. Unfortunately, or as fate would have it, I did give up at the first sign of defeat, as many often do. But the experience wasn’t a total loss.What I took from that endeavor was to keep things simple. Don’t over complicate things. I applied this when conceptualizing SHEATH. Keep it simple. Had I figured out the paint on the key idea back in 2001, which I had actually tried once but with too thick of paint that would constantly chip off, I would have succeeded and my life would have turned out very different - I would have been the key guy with kiosks all over the world in Walmarts and Home Depots, but now I am the underwear guy.Both are cool and I love my current position, but I never forgot my first major invention that failed. Particularly when I saw a “Crazy Key” in a store about 5 years after I had given up, I felt like I got punched in the gut… Fortunately, I was in the Army at the time so I didn’t dwell on it and it wasn’t long after that that I had the idea for SHEATH. So to reiterate, I didn’t have experience at all in underwear or fashion, but I did have experience with inventing and was now armed with the knowledge of keeping the idea as simple as possible and not giving up at that first sign of defeat.The lesson is, in the beginning, keep it simple. Baby steps. It is the key to starting a business. Many people over complicate the matter so much in their mind that they never even make the first move. There is always time to expand on the idea later, once you are solidified and making enough money to turn the cogs of the business.ResearchBefore moving forward with my pouch underwear idea, I did some research to see if the product had already been invented.I noticed on google patent search that in 1981, a man in China invented something similar, and therefore, I didn’t think I had the option to make a full Utility patent, so I decided to create a design patent to provide some protection.Note: Design patents are essentially useless unless you are designing a new shoe. If you are designing something with functionality, you need to attain a Utility patent.With or without a patent, I knew the idea was good because when I would tell friends about it, they unanimously agreed that it was a clever idea. Never did someone say to me, “this is stupid”, aside from the obligatory skeptical family members that felt like I was throwing my life away. (When starting a business or taking a professional risk, be prepared for some of those closest to you to be the least supportive. It’s not always the case, but if it happens, waste no time trying to convince them or change their minds. Drop their opinion and move on. It is a sad truth.)I also knew it was a good idea because I loved the result and it worked. Speaking of the idea, let me explain in greater detail what it is and then I will get back to how I knew it was a potential game-changer.The idea itself is simple; an isolative pouch on the interior of the underwear for the groin region. We describe it as an inverted kangaroo pouch for your joey, a hammock for your soldier, a holster for your gun, a sheath for your sword. These descriptions quickly cue people in on the functionality of the underwear, which is to isolate the male anatomy from the inner thigh region, thereby eliminating the need to readjust by keeping you cool and dry. They look like regular underwear on the outside, but it is what we’re packing on the inside that makes the difference.I noticed on the United States Patent and Trademark Office search that similar inventions already existed, but nothing quite like what I had in mind. This lent credence to my design, as I now knew that others had been on the same track of thought and that there was clearly a demand to be met.Take us through the process of designing, prototyping, and manufacturing your first product.Initially, I hand-stitched together some extremely raw prototypes (zero sewing experience) while I was on tour in Iraq.You can see one here.When I got back from the war, I bought a sewing machine and began playing around with new designs.Eventually, I found a seamstress that would help with making the initial prototype. This was in 2010. I then went onto a website called mfg.com where I was coupled with manufacturers that bid for my contract.I ended up going with a company in Pakistan. The guy called me and told me he would walk me through the process. It was great, but I was too excited and incidentally rushed production when the product samples weren’t ready - the pouch was too high. This set me back a good three years.Note: Never rush production, especially not the one you intend to launch your new business with. You will want to because you think you have to rush to get your product to market, but if you rush it and it’s not right, then you will wish you had been more patient.That being said, everything happens for a reason. I was still enlisted in the army and married at the time, so having a budding business while going through a divorce wouldn’t have been in my best interests anyway.The setback allowed me to regroup on my personal life. I got out of the Army and went back to college by utilizing the Post 911 GI Bill to attain my Bachelors in Organizational Development, followed by a Masters in Business Administration from the University of the Incarnate Word in San Antonio TX.At this time, I had also been working as a tailor’s assistant to learn the craft of garment construction, deconstruction, and reconstruction. I created new prototypes during that time which brings us to 2013 when, finally, my small team and I did our first Kickstarter to help us finalize the payment for our next production.We found that hundreds of people were willing to back the project and get us funded, proving to us that we really had something special on our hands. By the end of the campaign, we were feeling like we were on top of the world. We sent out products to hundreds of satisfied customers who then reordered more pairs and we used those earnings order our next batch of product. Production was well underway and sailing was going to be smooth, or so we thought.Unfortunately, it seemed we had put all of our eggs into an unreliable basket, yet again. Bad pouch placement and riddled with inconsistencies… The new shipment was virtually unsellable. It seemed like an unmitigated disaster and yet another major setback. That’s when I felt it, the same feeling that cost me my designer key invention. Defeat. This is where my new sense of faith and persistence came into play. The old me might have folded at this point, but I didn’t even flinch. I was not about to let it stop me again.We took our lashes, made things right for our customers, assessed our strategy and moved forward. We were able to get 35% of the cost back from the faulty manufacturing, but this was not enough to make a new purchase with a new manufacturer. After a year of hard work righting our wrongs and perfecting our approach, we sourced a new manufacturer to produce our newly revised design and decided to attempt another crowdfunding campaign. This is where we really kicked into high gear.The results may not seem like much, but, since the completion of our 2014 Kickstarter, we have yet to go a single day without sales.When you fail to quit, the universe will do a funny thing. It will actually acquiesce to your desire, though it will test you. When it sees that you won’t give up no matter what, it seems as though the universe will just kind of give in. What that meant for SHEATH was the discovery of a new production company that specialized specifically in men's underwear and had the bandwidth to work with us.They asked if they could make a sample for us, so I sent them one of our existing samples to recreate. What we received in return was noticeably better than what we had sent them. This gave me a great sense of reassurance. I knew that this new and improved SHEATH Underwear, which we coined as SHEATH 2.0, was exactly what we needed to solidify not only our revolutionary concept but our reputation as a company that offers reliable, quality-crafted products.A true concern for quality, along with treating every customer as if they are your one and only, are the key ingredients in creating a successful business. When you have a high-quality product, a supportive team, impeccable customer service, and healthy margins, the rest will take care of itself.Describe the process of launching the business.The beautiful thing about launching a business is there really is no right or wrong way. There is no definitive procedure or rulebook that you must follow to be successful. This is because you never really know what obstacles are going to reveal themselves until they do.We originally started in 2010 with the name SHEATH. The naming took us a few months. We started with Junk Drawers, but found that was taken. We then considered Packaged Jewels and Southern Comfort, but they didn’t feel right. We then began thinking in terms of the functionality and masculinity of our product, which is when we came up with SHEATH. The comparison of a sword being sheathed just as the male anatomy would be sheathed in our garments... it just made sense.Then we bought the URL sheathunderwear.com and started making social media pages, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Youtube, Tumblr, Pinterest. Etc. We didn’t take out any loans in the beginning. It wasn’t until we really began expanding and revenue started becoming reliable that we began utilizing loans to keep up with demand.Fortunately, it didn’t cost a great deal to start the website and keep it running. Also, the majority of our team was working for no pay for the first few years, aside from free underwear, including myself. This is where the ingredient of a supportive team comes into play. You’ll find that the vast majority of self-made individuals always had a supportive team that believed in them and backed their every move.We applied for patents and did all of this out of my pocket, but you would be surprised to find that applying for a patent yourself isn’t very expensive unless you get an attorney involved. For those on the fence about it, there was a law passed a few years ago that gives preferential treatment to individual inventors and requires examiners at USPTO to walk you through the process, therefore you could file for, and get, a patent issued yourself at relatively little cost.This would be less than $1,000 dollars and could protect your idea from infringement by others. This can all be researched and completed on USPTO.gov.During the first 3 years, we saw very little sales and thus, very little income. They were sporadic. Normally, we would only see a handful of orders a month, but sometimes we would have none at all or even as many as 15 orders. We weren’t promoting it heavily because, at the time, we were still in the early production phase and our products did not possess a level of craftsmanship and quality that we were proud of, but we did sell them and the majority of people seemed to like them anyway solely based on the concept. It wasn’t until our Kickstarter in 2013 that we really started to see almost daily sales and, ever since the 2014 Kickstarter, we haven’t gone a day without sales and our annual revenue has been on a steady uptick.The biggest lesson to learn from all this is to never quit. Once you quit, the game is over. As long as you don’t quit, there is always a way to overcome obstacles. Don’t quit, but don’t lie to yourself either. If your product is garbage, don’t deny it - improve it or pivot to a new item all together. On the other hand, if you know what you have is good, don’t cheat yourself from riches. If you truly enjoy and believe in your product, you will find a segment of the population that also likes and believes in your product, guaranteed. As long as you want it bad enough, you will be successful. The true question is, are you willing to put in the work and do you have the patience to stick it out? Are you willing to put in 2-4 years of work with no return, paying yourself next to nothing for the sake of growing the company?Allow me to reiterate. Our company was founded in 2010, but we didn’t see any numbers until 2013, which was immediately followed by another set back. What little revenue we had generated was all lost again. I personally wasn’t getting a paycheck from my own business until 2015, and it wasn’t much. Even since then, I’ve only been able to pay myself somewhere around 50-60k a year since the majority of the money flows right back into the company every month for expansion. So my budget remains tight and my life is far from lavish, but my business is mine. You must be willing to sacrifice for the long term. If you are looking of a quick payout get rich quick business, good luck to you... We have been doubling in sales annually since 2013, and I believe this is all due to me and my team’s sacrifice of the short term payout for the long term legacy.Since launch, what has worked to attract and retain customers?Initially after the launch, we liked to go back to our Kickstarter campaign page every few months to give them updates and spark a response from our backers, but eventually, that ran dry.AdvertisingThe next source of patronage was Facebook. Facebook still, to this day, provides a majority of our site traffic. It may not always be the highest quality traffic, looky-loos who want to see pictures of people in underwear, etc... but visitors from Facebook continuously result in a fair portion of our sales.We also use Google Adwords, but the problem with this is that we have already optimized our SEO to the best of our ability, so most searches that trigger the Google ads tend to organically bring us up in the top search results anyway. So this feels a bit extraneous at times.Targeted AudiencesWe also use Criteo, a remarketing tool that helps us place targeted ads in front of individuals who have visited sheathunderwear.com but have not made a purchase.Below is a graph of sales by month from January 2016 to April 2019. You can see the growth, which has been steady, and this can be attributed to ad targeting strategies, influencer marketing (UFC Fighter Donald Cowboy Cerrone), social media ads, google ads, email campaigns and more. We have also had the spotlight shined on us by going on TV, the Radio, sponsoring local sports teams (Colorado Springs Switchbacks) as well as outdoor expos and really anywhere we can get our foot in.AmazonAmazon has also been a great platform for us to gain new customers as well as offering options to our existing customers who take advantage of Amazon prime. The annual growth in Amazon sales is less noticeable, however, as we have much less control over it compared to our other sales channels. In fact, our Amazon growth has been relatively stagnant the past few years, but we are actively developing new methods to rectify that.We hope to one day have amazon rivaling sheathunderwear.com in sales, the current goal being $1 million sales monthly on each platform.How are you doing today and what does the future look like?Currently, business is good and we are profitable. We are projected to reach a gross revenue of $2 million for 2019. I actually just got back from a Shark Tank audition, so we are not too successful to think that we couldn’t use their help. It’s worth a try and for me, this was my second attempt; the first being in 2013.Compared to our first attempt, we are in a much better position with a far superior product and system in place with a large base of loyal repeat customers to maintain revenue and steady growth. These are things they might appreciate, but we are not counting on that making or breaking us. Regardless of whether we are on the show or not, we will be successful. We already are.When it comes to customers, the lifetime value is yet to be determined, but we have individual customers who have spent over $1,000 on our products. However, we have only just begun achieving this level of loyalty. We have a long way to go.Regarding the cost of acquisition per customer with facebook and google, this varies, but I feel like an average would be about $10. We spend about $200 a day on ads. Whether it’s facebook, google or influencers, the combined cost is somewhere around $200. We will be spending more as time goes on. We are always making progress.Regarding our current operations, we are no longer shipping out of our house as we had for the first 5 years. Last year in October, we moved out of the living room into a warehouse in Nevada, which places us in a far better position to scale. Prior to this move, we were very limited by the space in our house. With the new warehouse, we have full scalability for unlimited growth.As far as the website goes, we average 1-2 thousand visitors per day and our conversion rate has always been about 1.5-2.0%, which we have found to be the industry standard. As of late, it has grown closer to 3 conversions per 100 visitors, which is an improvement. However, we would like to see that number continue to grow.The majority of our sales are from sheathunderwear.com, about 90% of them. Fortunately, that is beginning to change as we are seeing more sales from outside sources as well as amazon’s steady increase of monthly revenue. Other outlets include wholesale accounts and Touch of Modern from time to time.Through starting the business, have you learned anything particularly helpful or advantageous?Building a business really tests you as an individual, as you must utilize essentially everything you’ve learned from all previous experiences up until that point in your life. This is particularly true when it comes to education (school or otherwise), team activities, previous jobs, military training, etc.When you put in the effort to become familiar with and master something, and you don’t give up, you improve your likelihood for success with every moment you spend working at it. When you are driven to your absolute limit during a practice session, that builds the character and fortitude that you will continuously be falling back on when building your business.The person that will be the most successful is the person that has the best ability to deal with discomfort and acclimate to new conditions. Sports, in particular, are a great way to train you to find comfort in discomfort, which is invaluable in all aspects of life.I’m reminded of a funny story of mine about luck and timing. After the first Kickstarter and after I realized that our replenishment inventory was faulty and not up to standard for sales, we were in a state of limbo.I remember that I went to a Joe Rogan Stand up show in Austin, Texas around this time and two major things happened that night. One, After the show, when Joe was doing some crowd work, I - stupidly - through a pair on stage to get his attention. In retrospect, I realize now how disrespectful this was, but what is done is done. He picked up the underwear and read the package and said “SHEATH, A pouch for your package? This has got to be the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard of, or a billion dollar idea.”I like to think it is the latter. I still have the audio of him saying that it was a billion dollar idea, but he has since rejected all attempts at sponsorship for his podcast, quite possibly and most likely because of my interrupting his show to introduce him to SHEATH. Although, I am also aware that he is a very busy person with larger fish to fry. I haven’t taken it personally. I would probably take it back if I could, but what is done is done.The silver lining of this story is the second thing that took place. After we left the show, I was sitting at a red light in Austin and was rear-ended by a taxi. A couple of months later, I got a check from the taxi insurance company for $5,000. I was able to use that $5,000 for a down payment on a new production with our new manufacturer. The remainder of the money was raised through second Kickstarter and the rest is history.So, in a funny, involuntary sort of way, Joe Rogan has played a part in the success of SHEATH.What platform/tools do you use for your business?We are currently utilizing Shopify Plus, but I am hesitant to endorse it as I am not 100% sold that it is worth the $2k a month we are spending on it. They sold me on 10x-ing if I switched to this upgraded platform, and it’s looking like we are most likely going to 2x or 3x for the year, which we’ve been doing on our own all along. If we do officially 3x, then that would technically be our biggest growth spurt yet, but it is hard for us to tell at this point in time if we can attribute it to this platform.We also utilize Klaviyo as our email marketing platform along with Gorgias as our customer service tool. We recently switched to these apps from MailChimp and Zendesk respectively, as we have been advised that these new apps have better track records in aiding budding businesses.What have been the most influential books, podcasts, or other resources?Here is a short list of my major inspirations that I frequently find myself thinking back to and learning from:Think and Grow RichThe Secret (the original movie with Abraham Esther Hicks)Tony RobbinsTim FerrissJoe RoganAdvice for other entrepreneurs who want to get started or are just starting out?My advice for anyone starting out or looking to get started is to read Think and Grow Rich because it really sets a solid foundation while also leaving some of the message up for interpretation for each individual.I also find that the movie, The Secret, has some value to watchers if you can open your mind up to the possibility that thoughts are energy and affect your reality. Thinking positive attracts positive things to you. There is a lot involved in being successful. Some people look at it like a formula, some look at it like magic, some people do a combination of the two.Everyone’s path to success is different, but they all have similar characteristics: an extreme desire and faith that it will work; persistence and the ability to visualize ahead of time; writing down the goal and breaking that goal down into manageable steps from start to finish. My most concise tidbit of advice is this - start and don’t quit until you figure it out. Once you quit, it’s over. There is always a way, you just have to find it.You have to find what works for and motivates you to keep going day in and day out for as long as it takes. Are you willing to sacrifice 20 years to dedicate to this dream without pay? If not, then you may not have what it takes, if so, you do, and most likely it won’t take 20 years.Are you looking to hire for certain positions right now?People sometimes ask if we are hiring. For the most part, we only hire from within our circle of trust since it is such a small company, but from time to time we bring in outsiders. We brought in one last year that asked if he could work for free to show us what he could do and within a week, he was on the payroll.The problem is, most people ask for a job in the traditional sense rather than offer to demonstrate the value of what they can bring us. As a small company with limited resources, it is difficult invest in things without a sense of certainty, but if you can bring value to the organization and prove it to us right off the bat, then we are in business. So at the moment, we are not necessarily hiring, but we are always interested affiliate marketers that will promote the product for a percentage of the revenue on the back end.If you have an audience and are interested in that, please feel free to [email protected] with your numbers and we will get in touch. You can also reach me directly at [email protected] can we go to learn more?sheathunderwear.comIf you have any questions or comments, drop a comment below!Liked this text interview? Check out the full interview with photos, tools, books, and other data.Also, I created a subreddit! (r/starter_story) - I post new stories there daily.Interested in sharing your own story? Send me a PM
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How to Leverage Your Brand’s Story to Drive Sales
Everyone has a story, what’s yours?
I’m not referring to your life story, although there are times when that can be intriguing as well. Instead, I’m talking about things like how you started your business.
What was your motivation?
Sure, everyone gets into business to make money, but there has to be more to it than that. Stories are a powerful way to connect with your audience.
That’s because they can entice all different types of emotions. The key is finding a way to drive sales by guiding these emotions.
One of my favorite ways to do this is by using your brand’s story.
I know what you’re thinking. Your brand’s story isn’t that interesting or worth sharing. Or maybe you’ve got a good story, but you just don’t know how to tell it.
But if you learn how to master the art of storytelling, it can help you increase sales revenue.
Not sure how to approach this? Don’t worry. I’ll teach you how to leverage your brand’s story to make more money. Here’s what you need to know.
Your story needs to simple
For starters, it’s important for you to keep things simple.
We’re not trying to write a Martin Scorsese film here. Stay away from plot twists, mysteries, or thought-provoking endings with an open-ended interpretation.
Your story needs to have a clear beginning, middle, and end. So before you can share this story, you’ve got to take the time to figure these components out.
Here are some of the most common elements that should be included in your brand’s story.
While you’ll want to include as much information as possible, you also need to make sure that it’s going to be easy for people to understand.
The easiest way to do this is by starting your story with some sort of problem that you’ve identified. This will be something that your audience will recognize as your reason for going into business.
Shortly after sharing the problem that your brand acknowledged, you need to talk about your solution.
Did you invent something? How did you make improvements to an already existing product?
This part of your story will help show what makes your brand different from competing companies in this market segment. So now is your chance to really shine.
Finally, the story should end with your success. Coming up with a solution is much different than finding a method that’s successful.
Here’s a great example from this from SAXX Underwear.
SAXX manufactures and sells men’s underwear with a unique support pouch. Their story talks about how they landed on this design.
It explains how their founder was on a fishing trip and experiencing discomfort with what he was currently wearing. That’s the problem.
His solution was to create a hammock-like pouch that’s designed to keep men comfortable and dry. That’s the solution.
But he’s not quite at the success portion of the story yet. They continue explaining that it took 14 prototypes to finalize their first product. That’s the success story.
It’s also important that the ending of your story doesn’t make it sound like it’s over. You’ve got to make it clear that your business is still in operation. You’re trying to grow, prosper, and continue along the path of success.
SAXX does this well. They end the story by reinforcing that all of these years later, their focus is still the same.
So try to use this example as a template for how to tell your brand’s unique story.
Tell a story that your customers can relate to
Depending on where your company currently stands at the moment, you may not think that it’s easy for your customers to relate to.
Your company could be in a position where you are grossing hundreds of thousands of dollars annually, which the average person just can’t seem to wrap their mind around.
This is a perfect opportunity for you to refer back to where you got started. Was it difficult for you to become successful?
The struggle for success is definitely something that people can relate to. It’s something that most people deal with on a daily basis. But just make sure that you relate to our last point about keeping things simple if you’re going this route.
It’s imperative that you stick to the important details. For example, nobody cares about your negotiations with the banker as you were trying to secure a startup loan.
If you want to share a rags to riches story, you could just say something like, “We had $100 in the bank,” and it will paint a picture that’s relatable without boring your audience with minor details.
Take a look at how Mush Oatmeal shares their brand story.
Rather than writing it, which is a more traditional route, they used a video to explain the motivation behind their brand. It’s a great idea because video marketing tactics increase sales.
In fact, 43% of consumers say that they want marketers to provide more video marketing content.
But in addition to being a creative way to share their journey, one of the best parts about this story from Mush is that it’s relatable.
They talk about how families walk into stores like Costco to buy big variety packs of oatmeal that contain added sugar and preservatives.
The co-founders of this brand both had a passion for health and wellness. They felt like big corporations were only motivated by making money, but Mush was motivated by providing consumers with nutrition.
That’s when they came up with the idea to provide fresh and cold oatmeal, which is different than what most people expect from a traditional hot bowl of oatmeal.
They identified a problem that people can relate to and came up with a unique solution. These are the components of a great brand story that will entice consumers to buy your products.
Relatable stories can show the human side of your company. You’re not just a brand without a face.
Show your customers that you have more in common with them than they might think, which can ultimately make them want to support you.
Establish trust and credibility
What makes you qualified to do whatever it is that you do?
Here is where your story can really help you add credibility to your brand name.
For example, let’s say that your company sells surfboards. Well, if you’ve been a professional surfer for 20 years, you’re probably qualified in this space.
So you could talk about your transition from surfing to building your own boards.
Do you have a degree in a field that’s related to your business? What did you study? Talk about some of your past jobs and experiences that made you qualified to create and run your current company.
If you can effectively answer these questions and position yourself as a credible source, then customers will be more likely to buy your products based on your differentiation from the competition.
Here’s a great example of this strategy from EO Products.
The story talks about their humble beginnings of making soap in a three-gallon pot in their garage. But it then turns into a tale of two pioneers in the cosmetics industry.
EO Products was tasked to create a hand sanitizer with non-GMO ingredients. So they figured out a way to use organic alcohol from sugar cane.
This brand received FDA approval as a certified OTC manufacturer of these products.
They also were the first personal care brand that was certified by the Non-GMO Verified Project.
Once their brand established trust and credibility, EO Products launched a product extension called Love Everyone. These products were designed for people and families who wanted high-quality and natural products at a budget price.
Stories like this make it enticing for consumers to buy from this brand.
Entice an emotional response
The best stories are emotional.
You may not have a story that your customers can relate to, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t get them to feel a certain type of way.
One of the best examples of this kind of brand story is used by TOMS Shoes.
Their founder, Blake Mycoskie, built a brand to help people in need.
While he was traveling to Argentina, he was overwhelmed by how many children were living without shoes. This was the inspiration behind the creation of his company.
His business model is simple. For every pair of shoes purchased, another pair of shoes is donated to someone who needs help.
While prospective customers may not have a similar or relatable story, they will still be willing to buy products to help this cause based on their emotional response.
This type of story stimulates a response that drives sales. These emotions can vary based on the person.
For example, someone may feel sympathy for the people in need, while other people could feel praise for the brand that is helping. Other customers may even feel joy and self-gratitude for making a purchase, knowing that their money is going to help a greater cause.
Regardless of the reason or the emotion attached to it, you can use a similar strategy in your story to help increase your sales.
Encourage customers to tell their own story
Your story is important to your brand.
But with that said, not everyone will have the same story. Your products and services may have a unique impact on your customers.
Allow them to share it with others and create user-generated content. Stories provided by your customers can ultimately help shape and form your overall brand story.
How did your product change their lives or make things easier for them?
Your customer had a problem, and your product solved it. Let them share this story. One of the best ways to do this is by staying active on social media.
Run contests or promotions that encourage people to share their stories.
You can even share them on your website. Try to create a specific section of your site that’s dedicated to user stories.
Here is a great example of how Tesla uses this strategy on their website.
Tesla builds and sells electric cars, which is revolutionary in the motor vehicle industry.
The stories shared by their customers explain how these electric cars helped improve their lives. As you can see from the examples above, there is a wide range of diversity on this page.
One story explains how two guys were able to fit eight beer kegs in an SUV, while another story talks about how a mother uses her Tesla for her family of five.
Be authentic
You don’t want to appear fake or phony when you’re telling your brand’s story.
Make sure that you aren’t making things up or embellishing the truth to make yourself sound better. If you get caught in a lie, it could backfire and potentially destroy your company.
That’s definitely not something you want to go through. We just finished talking about how important it is for you to establish trust and credibility, so don’t ruin that.
But with that said, being authentic involves much more than just telling the truth.
Let your personality shine. If you’re funny, then be funny in your story.
If you were emotional when you were creating your company, then share those emotions with your audience.
Just make sure that everything you say is an accurate representation of both you and your company.
Sell your story
When a customer buys something, they should feel like they are purchasing more than just a product.
If you market your brand properly, then customers can seemingly buy a portion of your story and make it part of their own.
This may sound complicated, but it can be done. FFTOB is a perfect example of how to properly leverage this strategy.
After a certain amount of time, firefighters need to retire their suits.
But rather than having those old suits go to waste, this company turns them into unique handmade bags.
People who buy these bags are purchasing more than just the brand’s story. They are buying the story of a real-life hero.
These uniforms were worn by brave men and women who risked their lives on a daily basis to keep their communities safe. The idea of turning those uniforms into bags is so creative and just hard for customers to resist.
Everywhere they go with their bags, their story goes with them.
Some of the bags even have distorted coloring on them because they were exposed to a fire. If you’ve got a story that’s this unique, you’ve got to get out there and share it with the world.
Conclusion
If you’re looking for a new way to get more sales, look no further than yourself.
Think about how your brand got started and what inspired you to go into business. It’s been a long journey and it’s worth sharing.
You’ve just gotta make sure that your story is simple and easy to follow.
Find a way for your customers to relate with your brand’s story. Use this to help you establish trust and credibility within your industry.
A great story will stimulate emotions from your audience. Use these powerful emotions to guide customers into a buying decision.
You should also encourage your customers to tell their own stories. These unique pieces of user-generated content will help shape your overall brand story.
Sell your story in addition to your products. But no matter what you do, it’s imperative that you remain authentic at all times.
Follow these tips if you want to drive sales by leveraging your brand’s unique story.
How are you using your brand’s story to establish trust and credibility with your customers?
http://www.quicksprout.com/2018/05/11/how-to-leverage-your-brands-story-to-drive-sales/ Read more here - http://review-and-bonuss.blogspot.com/2018/05/how-to-leverage-your-brands-story-to.html
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daniel talks #1
Hello to all followers of my girlfriend,
So I know Maxi has been blogging for a while now however up until recently I have be unable to read the posts due to them being in German. I am trying to learn Deutsch but my progress is still very much in its infancy. However I have always had a good understanding of what she has been writing about from parts she translated for me and most importantly from experiencing most of the stories first hand.
But now the posts are in English… firstly I have been able to fully appreciate how incredible she is at describing all of these amazing experiences in her very own unique way which for me is the real talent. Secondly we had the idea that I could maybe write a post from my point of view which is equally exciting and kind of daunting.
Arriving back in London from Panama yesterday afternoon after three flights, a long layover and returning to work and squeezing onto the tube during rush hour is never a nice experience but believe me it seems infinitely worse after spending 15 wonderful days, in the most surreal place with my absolute favourite person.
So here we are… its my turn.
This start of this trip was pretty strange as i would be travelling alone and be meeting Maxi in Panama. The travelling was not a problem, I have done plenty of travelling all over the world for work and pleasure, but the anticipation to get to Panama or more importantly Bocas Del Toro was killing me. My flight from London was early on Friday morning which meant either stay in a hotel for a few hours on my own on Thursday night or just hang out all night at Heathrow. As I was unlikely to sleep either way i opted for the later.
Landing in Panama City 13 hours later or something I then had another night to kill on my own as it was impossible to get to Bocas that night. Trust me if there was the slightest chance I would have attempted it. I have pulled of many tight connections in the past to get somewhere sooner but having looked into all of the potential options as foolishly optimistic as possible, assuming every flight was perfectly on time, my surfboard bag would be waiting for me as punctual and pristine as if it was a going on a first date with its high school crush as soon as I sailed through immigration then find an ex formula one taxi driver to take me to the next airport in record breaking time where the Panama Air staff were eagerly awaiting my arrival and keeping the airplane doors open as long as reasonably viable, it would still not possible. So I checked into my hotel, took a shower, spoke to Maxi on the phone for a short while before getting some sleep before my alarm went off at 5am the next morning.
By the time I landed at Bocas airport i was beyond excited to meet up with Maxi and begin our adventure. As I walked out of the airport I was immediately offered a taxi which i accepted however the deal fell through somewhere during the 20 metre walk through the airport and the offer was no longer on the table. I was considering trying to walk to where I thought our Airbnb was when another taxi showed up, I showed him the address I had which was met with a clueless expression as if i had asked him to take me to a mythical city, then my phone started ringing, it was Maxi. She told me to go to Panagas (a shop that sells gas cylinders) which was more than enough information for my moronic Conrad even though I was confused as to how that was any less cryptic than the full street address for where I wanted to go but nevertheless we was on our way.
I recognised the area from the Airbnb photos and as we pulled alongside the cabana. There was Maxi swinging in a hammock seat on the front porch, with a huge smile on her face. That moment alone made the last 30 hours of travelling worth it. Reunited again it was time to get the party started and fuck shit up in Panama.
Although it was never discussed i think we were both a little sceptical about the Airbnb when we booked it. It clearly had amazing potential from the photos and description and the reviews were mostly positive but seriously that place was incredible. If I had tried to imagine the perfect place to stay for the two weeks we was going to be in Panama together it would not have been anywhere near what we had. I am not going describe the place as Maxi has already done that but I knew from walking into that place that it was going to be ideal for what I was and am always most looking forward to about these trips which is getting to spend time with my girlfriend.
I started unpacking and said to Maxi that I have to give her a valentines gift early which she protested against initially however I really did have to give it to her so no matter how much she tried convince me to wait it was never an option. I pretended to search through my bag as if to be trying to locate something small and hard to find and then pulled a brand new, custom made, completely plain surfboard from the bag with a huge heart and the words “ Happy Valentines Days” drawn crudely in wax on the top and sat there waiting for the usual freak out whenever I surprise her with stuff like this which normally includes crazy overuse of the word “WHAT!” and calling me a weirdo. However in this instance there was silence and I was a little unsure what to do, it never occurred to me that it might not be obvious that it was in fact the gift. I can’t remember exactly what made the penny drop, it may have been when I took my board out of the bag but that may completely wrong nevertheless as soon as she realised it was in fact her very own surfboard the excitement and appreciation flooded out as originally expected… thank god haha.
Our itinerary for our time in Bocas could not have been more straightforward. It basically consisted of surf as much as possible and find somewhere to watch the super bowl. This is the strange thing about me and Maxi, the idea of compromising for each other so that we both get to do what each other wants doesn’t exist, ever. Not that we wouldn’t if it was necessary, but it never is which I find incredible. It was the same for our trip to Sri Lanka.
I would start the day by waking up at around 6am and getting some juice and heading out to the porch to check my instagram for any overnight updates before cracking on with reaching my daily target on my language app, which as I mentioned earlier I am using to try and learn some German. I would always try and get this finished before Maxi woke up so that I could practise what I had learnt with her as soon as possible as it really helps me remember the new words when I try and use them right away, we would walk from our place into to town to get a water taxi every morning and I would try and form simple sentences about what was going on in an attempt to converse in German which Maxi would always entertain with so much encouragement. I remember the first time she saw me practising on my phone one morning and seemed shocked and genuinely happy that I was trying to learn her native language which was confusing as it certainly was not a secret but nevertheless that was a huge incentive for me to really work at it. So you never know, maybe the next time I write something for this blog it may be in flawless fluent german haha.
If its not already super obvious, me and Maxi both like to surf, a lot. Hence the destinations of our past and future trips. This is what I mean about there being no need to compromise. I absolutely love that we have been and are going to all of these incredible places together, to do what we both want to. When we go surfing together it really is just like that picture perfect image I have always had of being out in the water with my girlfriend, watching each other surf, entertaining each other while waiting for waves. Sometimes it seems to perfect to be real. haha i am sure that line is far too cheesy to make it onto this post but we will see haha.
Predominantly our days consisted of surfing all morning before heading back to the Cabana for lunch and some rest before going surfing again in the afternoon and then back for dinner, alcohol and a movie before going to sleep. AKA the perfect surf trip.
I am a huge fan of napping, as in I take that shit seriously. For the first few days the post surf, midday period involved a nap, even if it wasn’t essential however that got shut down pretty quickly by the unbelievable temperature it would reach inside the cabana. Even with air conditioning a comfortable nap was out of the question even for an experienced napper like myself. I decided to use this time to practise some skateboard tricks while Maxi took photos. This sounds like such a simple thing but it is being able to share moments like this together which makes our relationship so perfect.
I know that Maxi has posted a few recipes for some of the food she cooked for us which I feel compelled to elaborate on. One of the reasons we chose the Cabana was because it had a kitchen and thank god for that kitchen because this girl can really cook, I mean seriously cook. We would stop by the supermarket at some point during the day to buy the necessary ingredients from an endearingly harsh asian lady in which my role would be pushing the shopping cart around which certainly was not as easy as it sounds trying to navigate the anything but regulation width aisles. Maxi would then cook us the most amazing food in next to no time. It was so good that every time we had something new it would immediately become my favourite. I would try and help as much as possible but aside from boiling the water for the pasta my talents were used for opening cans, throwing out peelings, playing music, pouring drinks, them kind of things which I think you will all agree is equally important when preparing cooking.
So there you have it, I am not going to attempt to describe everything we done together while in Panama as Maxi has already done a far better job at that than I could ever but here is an insight to the experience from my perspective. The most important part of all of this for me which I find impossible to describe how much lucky I feel that I get to have share these experiences and create these memories with Maxi who really is fucking awesome!
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