#these are my opinions I am not saying your fav doesn't like you

[nrc-counselor]

no no no listen, you were SO right for that chubby/fat significant other post.....but listen *folds hands together on table* talk to me about who would go for a tall s/o in ur opinion? I'm literally as tall as leona and every man ive dated has had a problem with me wearing heels💀

*Note: These are all made without a specific gender in mind, so do what you will with that.*

You know what, I actually do have some characters in mind that I think would work as in they would go for a tall s/o more often then not: Ace (I cannot explain why but I feel it in my soul), Ruggie, Sebek (he thinks they look regal), Cater, Azul (I will not argue this one), Floyd (he would play fight them all the time), and Lilia.

Characters who I think claim to be more neutral towards height but lean towards dating taller people when it comes down to it: Kalim (would complement you every time you wore heels and even buy you more), Riddle (lies and says he wouldn't, but he likes being the smaller person as it assures he is the small spoon), Vil, Jack, Epel.

Characters who are truly neutral about it: Leona, Jamil, Idia (he could go in the above category honestly), Malleus, Jade, Trey, Deuce, Silver, and Rook.

These are actually making me want to write stuff for them, so feel free to ask for more stuff.

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Opinions on Dream? :^

SO many feelings about him omgg rant under cut please forgive me

okay so i don't really talk or draw him much cause honestly,,,most of the times i just think he's a bit....boring? or more accurately plain? not in a mean way either but just in a 'fades into the background' type of way like don't get me wrong!! he's a really nice friend to his peers, his feelings about his powers and aura making his relationships harder to navigate and trust along with his whole conflict with nightmare and morality about what's good and bad IS very cool!! and i love it whenever they write him to be complex and not on this black and white mentality or when he's just straight up following along his friends with no free will or with a dubious purpose without ever addressing his issues or feelings! it's just unsatisfying to me :')

or when they're making him the 'naive' and oblivious, (sometimes childish?) character being marked as the obstacle and villain along with the other star sanses from the fic's pov, always talking about doing good things while fighting his brother and not hearing him out about the balance, (and for weak reasons most of the time. like it's been so long and you STILL haven't sat down with him when he's, generally, basically begged you to just have a talk? guys please :'( ) or when they go for the victim sad dream always missing the old nightmare, where corrupted nightmare is the incarnation of evil, with no sympathy or emotion except anger and sadistic glee, killing and hurting everyone and dream's just trying to protect the multiverse and dream's always been in the right. such extremes!!!

LIKE!! i hope i'm not the only one that thinks a 500+ year old should have had enough time to idk. learn things? about people and manipulation and deceit? after knowing what the villagers did to night? about the bad things in the world and how there's a lot of grey areas in life and that he maybe reflected on his past enough to process and ask himself if there should to be a convo to settle his differences with nightmare (and you can make nightmare the stubborn one too! or have them BOTH be petty and imperfect and have some things wrong and some right at the same time like why do i always see the good guy vs bad guy cliché with these two when they're the perfect example of why positivity doesn't have meaning without the negativity!! as long as there's a satisfying evolution or growth that doesn't leave me empty i'm good yknow?)

plus i believe dream really isn't as dumb as people view him. i do get some of you saying he probably can't read or write since that's actually a pretty interesting idea to explore! but in general please let him have emotions other than pure sunshiny happiness or endless sadness like he's gotta have more depth than that! let him make mistakes, have flaws that don't just make him the bad guy that's always in the wrong by default, and be angry or suspicious or jealous or bitter or battling his mental health problems/depression or malicious or smart or witty or mischievous and silly or sarcastic or ANYTHING dude i just want him to be put into different scenarios where he can be serious or lighthearted like it doesn't even have to be long or perfect but make him feel real.

it could definitely be that i don't read or see much art about dream or really look for it hard enough but also i just. i feel bad for even saying this fr and i wanna be honest about why i don't enjoy most stories about him cause he always gets the worst treatment along with ink!!! especially ink omg the poor guy has it the worst i think like wow do they mess him up :'(

always one dimensional in non shippy fics, or too plain or easily replaceable by other, more entertaining people in the significant other's life in most of his ships like man. i have read fics out there that made me genuinely FEEL and root for him and love his character so much it restored all hope for me!!! but i can only name one on top of my head and the others? it's been so long i don't even remember their names i just legit feel terrible cause i love him still and i can't find many headcanons that fit my interpretation of him yknow?

not to say people who write him very happy, mislead or sad are ruining him like that's silly- if i see something i don't like i just. move on bro i wouldn't force people to feel or think the same way i do about him cause anyone can have whatever headcanons they want!!! just talking about what i personally look for in him and why i can't exactly find it since most of the stuff out there just isn't my cup of tea :')

hopefully i didn't set anyone off with this rambling opinionated essay i just pulled hhh xD i know i know he's a popular character and i know a lot of people like dream so *sobs* please please recommend me artists and fics about him that you think is good it's been so looong since i've read or seen anything new that makes me attached to this little guy aughg<33333

[husbandhoshi]

title: eat. play. love.

pairing: seungcheol x f!reader

wc: 19.4k

summary: being one of new york's top food critics comes with a lot of perks: free dinners, nice awards, and a linkedin profile your parents could be proud of. that doesn't stop you from wanting a lofty promotion to editor, and the only person standing in your way is choi seungcheol. just one problem: his romance column has half of new york under his grimy little thumb. that, and you hate him.

in which your love language is food. seungcheol doesn't have one.

notes: romcom with mild angst, coworkers!au, slow burn enemies to lovers, playboy!cheol, suggestive (one moment in particular) + mentions of sex (otherwise sfw), swearing, lots of alcohol, also you will probably get hungry reading this. extra special thanks a million times over to my fav person @wuahae for bearing with me through literally all 20k words of this. i love you:')

It's underneath a layer of paper-thin egg yolk pasta where you think you see god.

Spoon meets whipped ricotta, white truffle, sage oil. A sip of 1979 cabernet, punishing and oaky. Rinse and repeat.

None of these words are in the Bible, yet you are having nothing short of a religious experience.

"Well, this seems like good news for the place," Jeonghan says. "Wine's tasty. Three stars?"

At this point, you're fairly sure Jeonghan has tuned the explanation of your elaborate rating process out (he's there for the wine, anyway), so instead you top him up and help yourself to a generous portion of his pappardelle.

"Four, then?" He leans forward on his elbows. "Or critic's choice?"

Candied lemon, pecorino, garlic. Derivative, but it's a good bite.

"You're distracting me." You point your fork at him. "You're like 80% alcohol, anyway. Bad opinions."

"Sue me," he laughs. "I would take a client here, is all I'm saying."

You pass on the opportunity to bring up that Jeonghan once brought a client to a Bubba Gump because he was craving coconut shrimp. But Jeonghan isn't a food critic—he's a business analyst and your best friend from college, back when all you cared about was Friday's house party and writing pizza joint reviews for the university paper.

It's a good arrangement. You appreciate his company, and he's never one to turn down a free meal. The both of you keep a small circle—such is the price of discernment.

There aren't many things that can come between you and a delicious meal. But, you have notifications turned on for just three things (all work-related) and you both watch the linen tablecloth light up under your face-down phone in true horror-movie fashion.

Jeonghan raises an eyebrow. "Popular on a Saturday night," he jokes. "Copy on your ass again?"

"Nothing's in production," you reply, letting the evil claws of your terrible work-life balance encircle you once again as you open your email.

URGENT: LIFESTYLE EDITOR TRANSITIONAL PLANS, it reads. It's from Wonwoo, your editor in chief, who has sent it with priority, as if the caps lock wasn't scary enough.

"So Joshua decided to quit. Just like you said," Jeonghan says, but it's like he's speaking to you through a wet paper bag because it takes every working brain cell of yours to read the email.

As you may know, Joshua has decided to step down from his position as our current Lifestyle editor.

Not a surprise, given his wife is having a kid. You had called it six months ago over the paper's Christmas dinner at Eleven Madison Park, when Joshua spent half of it outside on a phone call and the other half browsing the Baby Gap website.

I have decided to hire internally to fill his position. I and upper management believe you would be a good fit for the position. Please plan for a meeting 9 AM Monday to discuss transitional plans.

It's that part that you have to read over three times. And then you read it over a fourth, just for good measure.

"You're starting to scare me." Jeonghan puts down his glass, which is something akin to a baby separating from their bottle.

Sometimes you need a dictionary to understand Wonwoo, but the email seems clear as day to you. Good fit. Transitional plans. Suddenly you wish Jeonghan hadn't had so much of the wine because you're in desperate need of a drink.

"I-I think…I think I'm getting promoted."

How funny to think your lifelong dream would be realized over a 40 dollar plate of pasta. You want to cry and hug the maître d' and eat the entire complimentary bread basket.

"It's about time." The glass finds his relieved hand again. "You breathe journalism. I'm afraid one day you'll text me in AP style."

You read over all of it again, trying to memorialize the words that undoubtedly will launch your wonderful and long career in the upper echelons of media.

Looking forward to talking with the two of you.

Wait—two?

Then the proverbial cherry on top, the laughably convenient other thing your eyes had glazed over before.

CC: Choi Seungcheol.

"Choi Seungcheol?!"

Nothing is ever that easy and it then dawns on you that this is a competition type thing because never in the history of the printing press has there been two editors for a section.

Jeonghan stares at you blankly. It would be funny if you didn't feel like you were being double deep-fried like terrible fair food, all the thrill and elation of the moment boiled down to lead in your chest.

"I—he," you stammer.

Jeonghan mouths check to the poor waiter assigned to watch your table. God bless him.

"Words," he tells you. "You went to journalism school."

You take a syrupy breath that sits in your lungs unhappily. Your food is cold. This is a disaster.

"Well, actually, I'm not getting promoted."

Jeonghan's eyes soften, just enough without making you pity yourself more.

"There's this guy," you start. "He's the love and relationships columnist, the one I complain about all the time." Jeonghan makes a small ahh sound, your predicament finally dawning on him. "I guess we're both under consideration for the position. I didn't-I didn't even think of him. I—"

You slump into your seat, the arancini your only solace despite your complaint that the breading was too salty earlier.

"So? I bet you're a way better fit than him. It'll be a shoe-in. Easy decision."

Jeonghan's confidence in you makes you want to cry.

The problem is that Seungcheol is the human equivalent of Cosmopolitan Magazine. You can't recall the last time he walked into the office with a fully buttoned up shirt. You also can't recall the last time one of his advice columns wasn't in the end of quarter recap for popularity.

It's not in you to explain this debacle to Jeonghan. This whole situation is so cosmically awful that all you can do is ask for dessert in a takeout box and watch Jeonghan calculate tip without a calculator because that's all you learn in business school.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jeonghan asks when you're both in the Uber.

"Yeah." You have a headache. You also can't decide whether or not to give the restaurant three or four stars, and you always know by the time you're out the door. "It's fine."

The tiramisu is cold in your lap. Jeonghan squeezes your shoulder. You refresh your email.

Choi Seungcheol's name stares back at you.

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The meeting goes exactly how you would expect.

Wonwoo, in his lanky taupe sweater vest, says that Joshua is leaving and you and Seungcheol are standing toe-to-toe in the space left behind.

"I'm sure you two are well-acquainted," he begins.

You stifle a laugh, but Seungcheol's cat-like grimace says more than enough. Neither of you have the heart to tell Wonwoo that your very first impression of Seungcheol was that he tried to hit on you at the new recruit party, or that Joshua probably deserves reparations for how often he mediated fights between the two of you during weekly meetings. (Maybe not reparations, but at least an Edible Arrangements.)

For better or for worse, Wonwoo's genius does not extend to social cues, and he follows with a blithe, "Therefore, I hope you two will treat this as a friendly competition between equals."

You almost laugh again, but this time it's because you need the promotion more than you need air, and you cannot allow some Buzzfeed reject with the face of a model take that from you. And you don't doubt Seungcheol wants it as bad as you do, considering how often you've seen him try to schmooze his way up the ranks.

He may have become a columnist by rubbing elbows with the right people, but you'll never forget the late nights you spent sifting through hours of interview transcripts, on the grueling climb up the totem pole to earn your position.

"We'll evaluate an article of your own submission at the end of the month before we decide. Best of luck."

At least Wonwoo knows to quit while he's ahead—he closes the meeting with a succinct nod before returning to his seemingly infinite unread emails.

"Exciting," Seungcheol says. He claps his hands together, Rolex gaudy under the office lights, and sends a nauseating smile your way. "May the best writer win."

He offers you a handshake. You think he has real life cooties, so instead you close your planner and shoot him a very pointed look.

"There's only one writer here. Thrilled to read your next thinkpiece on how men should spend more time on Tinder and not therapy."

That earns you a chuckle from Wonwoo, but Seungcheol is not easily fazed.

Instead he rushes to hold the door open for you on your way out, likely his favorite piece of advice to give his poor, indolent readers.

"I'll book a table for us at Avra next month," Seungcheol gloats. "Consider it a gift from your future boss."

"They don't have a kids menu, you know."

"No problem. I'll have my darling food critic order for me." He places a wicked hand over his polyester covered heart. "Ending misogyny in one fell swoop, huh?"

You wait for the door to Wonwoo's office to close before looking at him right in his wet, cow eyes with the most malice you can possibly muster. You feel it collect in your bones, enough to feel like you can physically hack it up and hurl it at him.

"You have no clue what you're talking about, huh? Do you actually attract women with that attitude? Or are you just a really good liar?"

You are so close to him, you could kiss him if you wanted—luckily for the both of you, you would rather die a thousand fiery, terrible deaths, and then die all over again. Instead, you watch his pout unravel into a grin from hell, and he leans in closer, the scent of Old Spice and break room coffee heavy on him. This morning's matcha latte churns in your stomach, and you wonder if you should have gotten oatmilk instead of dairy.

Up close, he's worse. His hair reminds you of the sad, tired swoop of the washed-up lead of a daytime soap opera. And he has no pores, which is deeply upsetting because he looks like the type to wash his face with Palmolive and a prayer.

"You know what?"

His breath hits your lips and your skin prickles like you have an allergy.

"What?"

"You just gave me the winning idea for my next column." No way, you think. Mind games. Classy. "See you at dinner, sweetheart. Looking forward to it."

The pet name makes you seethe. There are a million things you want to say, all colorful and none workplace appropriate.

"I'd rather starve."

"Better not let Wonwoo hear you with that bad attitude. I'm sure management loves a team player." His cheshire grin somehow gets bigger, all white teeth and pink lip. "Try to smile a little, huh? Have fun writing about snails and black garlic and cwa-ssants, or whatever it is that you do."

you watch all the laminated syllables of croissant go through his paper shredder smile and you think you black out.

He spins on his heel triumphantly, almost bowling over Minghao from Arts & Entertainment, who is undoubtedly wondering if you did, in fact, kiss.

Seungcheol laughs as he walks away, linebacker shoulders rippling under his one size too small shirt.

The metal-red knot of anger swells in your gut as you watch his perfect silhouette and his tiny little waist disappear into the staff room. Then you realize what you've been looking at and let yourself get mad all over again.

He does have a nice ass, though. You'll give him that.

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"You'll never guess what I have."

"Is it better than this lox bagel?" You answer, mouth unattractively full.

Seungkwan's answer is the sound of a straw hitting the bottom of an empty cup and the grating jostle of ice. Phone calls with him are like ASMR because he's always doing a million things at once, but you wouldn't have it any other way.

"Infinitely," he finally says, after procuring the last milliliter of what's likely his second coffee of the day. "Besides, we all know pesto is way better."

"Wrong, but okay," you reply. "What is it?"

"You're not gonna thank me for being the best friend in the world? Me, an editor, keeping nepotism alive for you? A mere columnist?"

"Senior columnist," you laugh between bites. "You need me. Who else would you text during content meetings?"

"Whatever." His eye roll is audible. "I guess I won't tell you."

He shakes his cup again, all ice and no patience.

"Fine! I owe you. My career and my life."

"And a seat at Momofuku."

"And that."

You take another greedy bite, letting the everything on an everything bagel get all over your chin. You love dressing up and going to restaurants that cost more than both of your kidneys, but there's something sacred about eating a $10 bagel behind the shield of your computer screen at a cafe where no one knows you.

There's someone laughing really loudly somewhere, and if you weren't otherwise preoccupied, you would look for the offender and give them a hard glare. You don't know what could possibly be that funny at 9 AM, but, then again, you never were a morning person.

"So, I have intel. About Seungcheol." You can picture the glint in Seungkwan's eyes, glittery and caramel. Unfortunately, the news that it's related to your worst enemy makes you sit up a little straighter. "At today's content meeting, Joshua said that he's working on some kind of challenge to go on as many dates as possible. He might make it a series."

"How tacky," you say, but the information clanks around in your brain like shoes in a washing machine. The indulgent, clickbaity headline just falls together perfectly—I Went On 50 First Dates So You Don't Have To. Exactly the kind of article your mom sees on Facebook and sends to you.

"You have to admit it's a decent idea. Not as good as yours, but it'll get engagement," is Seungkwan's reply, but you can barely hear it over the swell of another sitcom-esque laugh, this time, from a woman. "The other editors are very invested in this whole thing, by the way. Of course, I'm betting on you."

You're about to very openly stress about people gambling on your success when your eyes wander to the backside of the Sports Illustrated model getting napkins at the counter. Not bad at all, you think. It may be too early for the comedy club, but appreciating the male figure has no schedule.

And then he turns around, and you're able to see past the curly hair, muscle tee, beauty pageant smile—it's none other than Choi Seungcheol, fully outfitted with the audacity to trespass on your bagel place. You have never been more disgusted by your heterosexuality.

You hide behind your computer screen.

"Helloooo?" comes Seungkwan on the line. "Are you making out with your breakfast or something?"

"Seungkwan, I gotta go," you hiss. Your eyes follow Seungcheol as he makes his way back to his table. "There's a…situation."

You watch him sit across from a beautiful girl in a sundress and Prada sunglasses, and her lips tumble into a brilliant red smile.

It would be really fucking funny if he was on a date, you think, but then you see him make the kind of eyes you last saw in the deepest, stickiest recesses of a frat house on thirsty Thursday. Then you realize he is on a date, that he's been on a date, and it's his laugh that is equally annoying as it is loud.

Seungkwan works hard, but the devil always works harder.

"Ok, talk to you later. Bye!" You can hear the beginning of one of Seungkwan's protests, but you hang up before he's able to properly complain. Maybe you'll have to do a little better than Momofuku—that's a problem for later.

Over the rim of your laptop, you catch glimpses of their conversation. You notice Seungcheol talks a lot with his hands, and you wonder if that's another one of his tips or if that's just him. Him and those big clown hands, illustrating a story that you're unfortunately too far away to hear.

But you can hear her laugh again, and you try to guess what he's talking about. His childhood dog. The insurmountable burden of being prom king and captain of the football team. This little not-competition and this little not-rivalry between the two of you. How the PB&J bagel is the best thing on the menu (it's not, but you see the berry compote all over his fingers and you know that's the hill he's dying on).

No matter how you spin it, it's a hard pill to swallow. Choi Seungcheol is good at what he does, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

You hear the careening lilt of what seems to be Seungcheol whining, and there's a brief flash of something like endearment in your stomach before the repulsion sets in.

Nothing you can do to stop him, huh?

The question, sinister and burning, writhes in your brain as you chew on the ice from your coffee and stare at a blank Word document, the cursor blinking like a heartbeat.

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Beware the wrath of a woman scorned.

It's number 3 on Seungcheol's article titled Revenge and Other Stories. Unsurprisingly, he must not practice what he preaches, because you currently have all nine circles of Dante's Inferno inside you right now.

Play nice, Jeonghan had told you. Looks better to upper management.

And you did, until one of your photo requests mysteriously got deleted. Then Joshua told you to cut 500 words from this week's column because Seungcheol's just "happened" to be a little longer this time.

The knockout punch was yesterday when Seungcheol told you he was using your January critic's choice pick to take Wonwoo out for a friendly dinner, his treat. If you had known, you would've called ahead and told them to poison the hamachi. (No matter. Any foodie worth their salt knows Thursday is the worst day for sushi).

Now you sit on the C train, dressed to the nines, because you have a date with destiny at Nai. Sometimes destiny is a big pan of paella for one, but this time, it's Seungcheol and his next victim on date night.

Getting him there was so easy, it was almost criminal. An obnoxiously loud elevator phone call in which you name dropped the executive chef, a friend of yours, at least four times. Seungkwan very strategically asking you if a press pass can bypass reservations for a booked-out restaurant. Gossip in the break room with the intentional use of "intimate," "sangria drunk," and "affordable."

Affordable was a lie, but you're learning quickly that a hungry fish will take any bait. And seeing Seungcheol's face is never a joy, but you're not opposed to watching him open the menu for the first time.

"I have a killer Spanish accent," Seungcheol told you on the way out today.

Hook, line, and sinker.

The subway car rumbles under you. You're almost in East Village. You don't normally spend your Friday nights crashing dates—you actually don't really spend them outside your apartment at all, but Seungcheol is the exception to the rule and you're making a lot of them for him. A small price to pay for the glory of dethroning Casanova.

The plan is to "accidentally" run into Seungcheol and his Friday night exploit, and then to casually, non-bitterly mention a, that she is about to become a statistic, b, that his idea of chivalry was birthed in the basement of the Alpha Omega house, and c, that you're surprised he's still single because you always happen to catch him on dates. Something like that.

This is admittedly the best you could come up with. Like you said, you don't really crash dates. You don't really sabotage people either, but Seungcheol declared war the minute his Folgers breath hit your face outside Wonwoo's office.

Then you think of all the ways things can absolutely backfire. Seungcheol's warm, carefree whirl of laughter when he explains you're office rivals, or worse, lies and says you're nothing but a jilted, jealous ex. Or this whole thing could simply be immortalized in his winning article as a jaunty sentence about making the most out of a bad situation, yada yada yada.

You picture watching another girl, spellbound, as you dig into your table-for-one paella.

In your mind's eye, she laughs, floaty like his date at the bagel place, and for a moment you understand what it might feel like to want Choi Seungcheol.

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Friday night at Nai is red and glittering and heady with saffron.

You remember when you first ate here, two weekends after the soft open, early in your career at the paper. After a three hour conversation over wine and octopus with the owner, you wrote the restaurant a glowing review that, to your surprise, helped land it several ritzy awards. Now the dining room is never empty, but they always find space for you.

That was the first time you learned that all of this work meant something. Yeah, you loved an excuse to stuff your face and get paid for it, but what was even better was the chance to tell the stories of a working father's hand-pulled noodles, the drunk, midnight origins of a tasting menu, the caramel-greedy fingers of a well-loved childhood.

This is the long way of explaining how you bypass the two hour standby wait time, and how you walk in on a first name basis with the manager.

You're fully prepared to see Seungcheol mid-churro, perhaps four pick-up lines deep and wondering if he still has a condom in his wallet.

That's why you almost miss him on your way to your table. His is empty, other than a lonely, watered down martini on the rocks and two menus.

"Seungcheol?"

He looks up at you, and something like genuine surprise melts into relief, then intrigue.

"Look at who crawled out of her dungeon," he chuckles. "You clean up good."

Whatever pity you may have felt for him vaporizes instantly. Although, when he beckons for you to sit in the empty seat across from him, you do take the bait—you're not about to pass up a good opportunity to humble your least formidable foe.

"Refreshing to see that our love guru isn't above dining solo," you reply. "I have to admit, your acting is impressive. What an elaborate ruse to get another poor, single diner to pity you enough to sit with you."

"It worked, didn't it?" He takes a sip of his cocktail, which is almost a brand new drink because it's 90% water, 10% martini by now.

"I'm no expert, but pretending to get stood up is not a tip I would give the general public."

"Who said I was pretending?"

No fucking way. Your jaw drops. It's too unreal to believe. Even if the slutty cut of Seungcheol's shirt wasn't persuasive enough, surely the prospect of enjoying a free Michelin star dinner would warrant an appearance, even for you. Breaking News: New York's Hottest Bachelor Ghosted at Top Restaurant. If only that were as wonderful to the average reader as it is to you.

Because waiters are trained to enter conversations at the best possible time, you're forced to pause and order a wine for the table and some tapas. (No paella for one? Seungcheol asks, and you try to reconcile your annoyance with the fact that one, he's read your review of this place, and two, that he looks mildly turned on that you can pronounce all the menu items. You tell the waiter to add a paella.)

"You got stood up?" You cross your arms over your chest. "You may think I'm dumb, but I'm not that dumb."

"You have no idea how flattering your reaction is." He laughs, and the air shifts around him, drawing you further into his eyes, inky under the lowlight. "I understand you think I'm irresistible, but, alas, not everyone shares your opinion."

"I never said that."

You hate how easy it is for him to push your buttons. You hate how in control he is, and you hate how he's looking at you like you're on the menu.

The waiter returns with the wine, and you decide you're feeling equally as terrible.

"Truly, you can't be that irresistible. After all this time writing about relationships, you would think you'd actually be in one."

Touché, you think. Normally, it would be too low a blow, even for you, except that his column-related debauchery is one of the four thrilling conversation topics he subjects you to at the office. And who are you to bury the lede?

"Coaches don't play," Seungcheol says, leaning back and popping the martini olive in his mouth offensively, as if he's not at a restaurant that takes months to get a good table at.

"Bullshit." You lean forward and chase his gaze. He doesn't shy away; rather, he meets you with an appraising raise of an eyebrow. "Coaches should at least know how to throw the ball."

"What do you think we're doing right now?"

"Oh, please." Your wrist twitches as you fight the urge to down your entire glass of merlot in a single gulp. You picture the title of his next article: Top 10 Ways To Get A Woman Drunk. And then the oh so charming punchline: 1. Be so insufferable she cannot last a conversation without her real life partner, wine.

"See? I've already got you laughing." He notices the generous sip missing from your glass and tops you up.

"No, you do not get to make this about me."

Somehow, you are laughing, but you chalk it up to the spiteful little man in your brain writing headlines for Seungcheol's column.

How To Antagonize Your Date In 5 Easy Steps.

"Need I remind you I'm only here because your actual date stood you up? Too soon?"

"I prefer you anyway," he answers, his expression half-challenge, half-something else that you don't really want to think about.

"Crazy, because I'd rather be literally anywhere else."

Signs You Are In A Hostage Situation, Not A Date.

"You should stick to food. You're a bad liar." He cocks his head to the empty table next to him. "It's still open if you want it."

"I'm no quitter."

Maybe The Male Gaze Isn't So Bad: A Thinkpiece.

Definitely not that one.

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"So, before I try anything," Seungcheol says, leaning across the table. "Teach me how to be a food critic."

"Why, so you can steal my job?"

"You can keep it," he laughs. "I'm gonna be your boss, not your replacement."

You notice he'll linger on the tail end of his sentences, betting on the response you haven't even come up with yet. He's picking apart the furrow of your brow, the marrow of your brain. It's like one drawn out interview, but you suppose that's all dating really is. Maybe your journalism degree wasn't a waste of money after all.

You won't give him the satisfaction of a fight (plus, you don't want the food to get cold), so you change the subject.

"Well, I take pictures first," you say, waving away his overeager fork.

"Genius. They really scammed you out of your Pulitzer, huh?"

You ignore him in lieu of repositioning the chorizo. Unfortunately, Seungcheol is unrelenting. You hear the snap of his phone camera, clearly taking a photo of you and not the meal—clever, but you won't bite.

"Wanna be in my story? I can tag you."

In your periphery hovers his wry, wanting smile.

"Sure. So the world can know I'm a charity worker too."

He whistles, clutching his heart. If he weren't so annoying, you would find him a little cute. Just a little. You blame the kitchen for whatever aphrodisiac is in the food today.

"Live update: date with food critic going about as well as an episode of Hell's Kitchen."

He says this leaning forward, elbows on the table, so close to you that your knees might touch. You tense at the thought.

"Any date of mine would be on better behavior."

"So you're admitting this is a date?"

"This," you wave your hand over the table. "This is not a date. This is me regretting ever pitying you."

"Well, pity looks good on you."

And there it is again, that accursed, perfect smile. This time, it works, and you fight the losing battle of the wine flush undoubtedly all over your face. It bothers you that there's a little part of you that enjoys this, but that's a confession you plan on taking to the grave.

"Enjoy it while it lasts, because you're not getting any again."

"Fine. I'm still waiting for your grand secret," he says, now biting the tines of his fork like an untrained dog. No rest for the weary, you suppose. "Food is food. Prove me wrong."

Despite the betrayal of your basal human instincts, you're determined to make this a bad encounter. Maybe you hadn't anticipated the full force of Seungcheol's overgrown fratboy persona, but you came here for a reason and you do plan to see it through.

"There is no secret." You split apart an empanada, the guts steaming and fragrant. "You eat."

"Like this?" He crams an entire piece in his mouth, and you watch him recoil and huff the heat out. "Mmm, 's pretty good, though."

Your eyes almost roll back far enough to see the wrinkles of your brain. Of course he wouldn't get it, but you don't know what you were expecting from a guy who thinks Hot Pockets are fine dining.

You put on your most pretentious food critic face. "Eating is about respect. Storytelling. He's retelling the first time someone made him this dish. The ingredients—they're words on a page. An autobiography." Your hand finds your chest and you sigh, a final touch to your Oscar winning melodrama that would certainly annoy anyone with even half a brain.

"Huh. Poetic," he says. He's still fanning his (very full) mouth, but he chews a little more slowly. "I'm respecting. I'm taking it in."

You don't know if he's actually doing any of that, but, when he takes his next bite he asks about what's in it (tomato, raisin, egg) and if someone really made the chef an empanada when he was younger (yes, on the flour-printed counter, every Sunday morning).

You press on. It shouldn't take much to bore him, but with every question, food-related factoid, and snide comment you have, he matches you with genuine curiosity. Either he's an excellent actor or he's secretly culinary school-bound, because you can't actually imagine anyone putting up with any of that, nonetheless I like dick jokes and football Choi Seungcheol.

You spend the rest of the evening like this, spoon to heart to cherry mouth. The wine is abundant, and Seungcheol spends more time listening than talking, which he admits is a first for him.

"You really know a lot about food," he says, likely fighting the urge to use his finger to get the last of the chocolate sauce off the churro plate. "I like that."

It's a cheap compliment in a game of low blows, but it sits warm and content in your chest. You have to force yourself back to the night you met him, when he was all cognac and one-liners and he gave you his spare hotel room key. A good reminder of his true nature, you think, despite the fact that he just listened to you talk about all the different grains of rice, ad nauseum.

"It's my job," is your reply, adequately distant for your liking.

"Fair. You gonna ask me about mine?"

"What more is there to know?" You hold up the check. "You're paying, right? Chivalry and all that?"

You're waiting for him to mention the company card, the only one allocated to your section that Seungcheol couldn't possibly have because it's sitting snug in your purse. The one you'll say you conveniently forgot so you get to see a grown man squirm at paying the bill.

"Already did. Gave the host my card when I got here. You're holding the customer copy." His chuckle disappears under the lip of his wine glass. "Bet you were excited to use the company card, huh?"

If shame were a physical object, you feel like your own personal Atlas. Your only option is to stare at the wasteland of empty plates before you and wonder how deep Seungcheol's pockets really are.

"Hardly. More excited that I burned a hole in your wallet." You click your tongue, out of options on how to ruin Seungcheol's night. You would spill wine on him but there's none left. "Anyway, I'm heading out."

"Running away?"

"Bored," you lie.

He calls you a taxi, and you walk out together, night heavy with the rhinestone glare of Friday night traffic.

"I actually had a nice time tonight," Seungcheol says, emphasis on the actually.

"Unfortunate."

"How do you think I feel?"

The taxi pulls to the curb, and he sighs, weighty with exaggerated relief. You can't even take it seriously because he's looking right at you and badly failing to push down the smile at the corners of his mouth.

It's only now that you notice his eyes are really brown, like he's from a cartoon or something. Worse, you'd daresay they're nice, less menacing, when they're tempered by a good meal and semi-public humiliation.

"Text me when you get back to your villain lair."

"If I were a real villain, you would have a lot more to worry about."

Seungcheol opens the cab door for you, and you catch a whiff of the cologne he undoubtedly smeared on in the toothpaste-streaked mirror of his five by five studio bathroom. Pine, leather, and citrus, which is the most pedestrian combination of smells to exist and yet you doubt it hasn't done him any favors.

"I'm terrified. Shaking." You clamber into the backseat, and he smiles at you again, as if you've forgotten what all his other ones looked like. "By the way—"

You have half a mind to shut the door in his face, but you can't find it within you—maybe it's the wine, or perhaps pure defeat. Probably the former.

"This job. It's—" He clicks his tongue and looks at the tops of his leather shoes. He's actually thinking, and you don't like it. "Never mind. See you Monday."

And then the words are gone. He shuts the cab door, and they're left in a plume of exhaust and Seungcheol's tiny waving figure in the rearview mirror.

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"So you're telling me you went on a date with your worst enemy."

It's 8 AM, and Jeonghan isn't pulling punches. Even through the phone, you can see his lazy grin, the pen he's flipping in his hand, the green ribbon of the Dow Jones on his desktop.

The newsroom is refreshingly near empty, except for Joshua, who hovers around the water cooler like a fly on the wall, if flies wore Armani ties and cigarette jeans.

"It wasn't a date, and I wanted to ruin it so he would have nothing to write about."

"No one goes on a date to ruin it. You could have just left."

"Clearly you haven't seen How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days."

"Are you serious." Jeonghan laughs, crackly and bright. "Care to tell me how that movie ends?"

"Except he isn't Matthew Mcconaughey. He says spaghetti like pah-scetti and doesn't use Oxford commas."

Mid-laugh, you endure another beat of extended eye contact with your editor until he beckons you over. He'd likely been waiting for the perfect time to interrupt the conversation he was so subtly eavesdropping on—oh, how you love a newsroom with an "open floor plan" to "facilitate communication." Sometimes you think the reason Joshua's stuck around this long is because reporters can't stay away from drama, especially if they're not the ones reporting it.

"I gotta go," you tell Jeonghan, whose version of a goodbye is a triumphant cackle.

You find Joshua putzing around, plastic water cup incriminatingly full.

"I take it you had an enjoyable weekend?" he asks, eyes sequined with all the secrets they hold.

"Yup. Just working on that Dining Through The Years article." Not entirely a lie—you are hedging your bets on this story, one where you revisit the restaurants you wrote about when you first got your start at the paper (Nai included, although admittedly yesterday's food was the least of your concerns). "You needed me?"

"Glad to see New York's finest chefs are well-versed in Kate Hudson's filmography," he says, grinning something beastly. If he weren't your boss, you'd knock that little water cup clean out of his hand. "Anyway, if your interview is over, I need you to go on a field trip."

"Field trip?"

Surely you're better than a task for the interns. You wonder if they're off fighting their own demons, seeing as you missed the circus in the elevator this morning, the usual juggle of hazelnut lattes and lemon poppyseed muffins for the higher-ups.

"Wonwoo needs you to help pick out catering for the corporate event later next week." Joshua tips his head back at Wonwoo's glass-plated office, where you see him redoing his tie in the reflection of his computer monitor. "My guess is that Yerim is going to be there, and he wants to make a good impression. Like an 'I consulted a food expert' impression."

Classic gossip queen Hong Joshua, always with the unnecessary but incredibly cogent commentary on office politics. You think you're actually going to miss the bastard.

"Flattered," you remark dryly. "Catering from where?"

"That's the thing. It's from this Thai place like two hours out from the city."

Two hours: code for an all day endeavor. He wasn't kidding when he said field trip.

You graciously resist the urge to groan out loud. No one told you taking the high road is one big slog through the mud, but here you are. You tell yourself this will help your campaign to be editor—the stinky, dirt-smeared silver lining.

"Before you ask—yes, I know you cannot take the subway there." You blink at him, wondering why this all feels like the set-up to a terrible joke. "Luckily, as you probably know, Seungcheol drives here every day and has offered to help."

Ah. There it is. You look for the blinking applause sign hanging above your head and the chorus of riotous Seungcheols making up your own personal laugh track.

"Only back to the office, though—" Joshua adds, as if that provides you any solace. "There's a one-way bus going up there at noon."

"N-not both ways?" you croak.

"Something about funds," he replies, shrugging. "Hey, don't shoot the messenger."

"You're not the one I'm thinking of shooting."

"Who knows? Maybe he is Matthew McConaughey." And when your glare turns sharp as the edge of a santoku knife, he holds his hands up like he's getting arrested. "I'm just saying. As your friend, not your editor."

Whatever.

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You have to admit, Wonwoo does have impeccable taste in Thai food.

Three noodle dishes, two curries, and the best mango sticky rice you've ever had: that's what it took for you to finally say "not all men." Certainly not Wonwoo, who's in deep enough to send his goons cross-state for a girl he's tried to woo for almost a whole year now.

A tamarind sunset blankets the countryside in milk and honey. You're sitting on a bench, ridiculously full with leftovers to spare, waiting for your chauffeur from hell.

Two years and you still don't know what car Seungcheol drives. Your last memory of it is it being flashy, impractical, and loud, much like him.

You know this, and yet you are still surprised when a gnat of a BMW rips into the curb in front of you. The passenger window crawls down, and Seungcheol has the gall to whistle at you.

For someone so predictable, he sure does manage to find new ways to piss you off. Unfortunately, on brand— according to him, Consistency Is Key (number 2 on Keeping the Spark Alive, August 2022 issue). You've done your reading.

"You're welcome," is the first thing Seungcheol says to you after cranking down the volume of the radio and watching you fumble with the seatbelt.

"You really didn't have to." You look at the array of gas station snacks bubbling out of the cupholders—Sour Patch Kids, a Big Gulp, and Flamin’ Hot Fritos. You didn't even know they sold Sour Patch Kids to full grown adults.

Still, you do feel a little bad. You can count on one hand the amount of people you would do this for and still have one or two cheese-dusted fingers left.

"But, thank you."

"Joshua made me," he says, and what happened this morning starts to make a lot more sense. "Plus, I was a little jealous. I would kill for a day frolicking in the sun, eating delicious food, far, far away from the big city. Not trapped like me in the newsroom, exhausted, toiling away on my magnum opus."

The sigh that crawls from his chapped lips practically shakes the car.

"I'm retracting my thank you."

"I'm devastated. Really."

You choose to watch the strip of shitty New York highway unravel through the greasy passenger window. No point in picking a fight when you're in a leather quilted jail cell for the foreseeable future.

It's at the thirty minute mark where Seungcheol casts the first stone of terrible, stilted small talk.

"Why'd you get sent all the way out here anyway?"

The red taillight flush of rush hour floods the car, an unpleasant reminder of the real sunset left far behind you.

"Thought you knew it was Wonwoo."

"Yeah, but why?"

Why does it matter? Is your first thought, but you realize he's attempting to actually have a genuine conversation with you, which you suppose is better than him flinging around another rude remark. Either that, or he's falling asleep, and you'd rather not have the last moments of your life be in Seungcheol's chick magnet car.

"Joshua thinks it's because he wants to impress Yerim at the corporate meeting this week. I guess she likes Thai."

Traffic is slow enough for him to turn to look at you, really look at you.

"Come on, he can't like her that much."

"Yes, he can." you try to read his expression, neon-glossy. "This isn't even that much effort."

"Nah," he shrugs. "There's gotta be some kind of ulterior motive. Maybe he wants to move into corporate."

"Hot take for a romantic." You frown. "Not everything people do is a career move, you know."

You omit the unlike you that sits heavy in the back of your throat, although, his cavalier approach to relationships is starting to make a little more sense. You wonder if this whole thing—the dates, the watch, the Invisalign smiles—is just a long, drawn-out joke to him.

"Seems like a lot of effort to go through for an office crush." His gaze drifts back to the road. "The extravagant birthday present. Always having her favorite flowers in the office. That one cringe voicemail we all heard him re-record ten times. No one likes anyone that much. Come on. Her dad is the CEO of the company."

Suddenly his winning smile doesn't seem so triumphant. It almost feels like a betrayal, but you don't know why.

"Maybe he just likes her," you reply. "I dunno. I choose to believe that. I think it's sweet."

"Maybe you're the romantic." The words come out like an accusation; Seungcheol laughs, but all the joy's been sucked out of it.

"Who hurt you?"

"No one did. I'm just being honest."

You would laugh at the irony if it didn't feel like there was a vine wrapped round your throat. Life is funny, but never so funny as to curse New York's favorite romance writer with cynicism and a lying streak.

"Controversial, but I actually want to do nice things for the person I like."

"And when was the last time that happened?" He's deflecting, which is predictably on brand for him. His grin, now playful, is propped up by a pair of frustratingly well-formed dimples.

You can't even find it within you to protest because he's right—you haven't dated in a long time. Joshua stopped asking if you were bringing a plus one to office parties ages ago.

But it's not that you can't—in fact, the last time you did, you think it broke you a little inside. It's certainly not a story Seungcheol's privy to, though. You already feel strange, cut-open, trying to convince him that people are capable of meaningful relationships.

Childishly, there's also a part of you chasing the truth about him because it takes him further and further away from you. So you do what you do best and deflect again. Two can play at that game.

"Not taking criticism from a guy who's dated half of the city and has nothing to show for it."

"I wouldn't say nothing."

He opens his mouth then closes it again, as if he's revising the words on his tongue. Journalist behavior, which you didn't even know he could still exhibit.

Now you're really thinking. Who hurt him, and how? The development that Seungcheol is more than the playboy slime haunting page 3 intrigues you more than you'd care to admit.

Before you can pry, Seungcheol's stomach growls, almost offensively loud.

"Sorry," he says. "Who would've thunk that corn chips aren't a balanced meal?"

You stare at the takeout boxes snug in your lap. There is a cosmic message being sent right now.

Seungcheol's sad, Frito-filled belly. Fresh noodle that won't keep well in the fridge. Tax and tip for a four hour car ride back to the city. Expanding your repertoire of blackmail so that you can claim your rightful helm at the paper.

These are all the reasons you give yourself for what you ask next.

"You in a rush?"

"How could I be—do you see the blinding speed we're driving at?" He laughs at his own incredibly unfunny attempt at a joke. "No, I'm not."

"I may or may not have an actual balanced meal for you."

That’s how you end up in the parking lot of a random 7/11 off the freeway. In any other circumstances, it would be a cruel and unusual punishment, but you've already been whittled down enough to actually care about Seungcheol, even if just a little.

That's what you tell yourself, anyway, as you watch him finish the last of the takeout.

"So I'm bad at food, and you're bad at love. Why the fuck did Wonwoo even think of promoting either of us?" Seungcheol kicks his shoes off and props his feet up on the dashboard. You notice his socks have dogs on them, little linty brown ones, and you feel a little worse about openly bullying him about his fashion taste in front of the entirety of copy staff.

"I may be bad at love, but you're worse. Especially for someone who does it for a living," you retort. "Don't think I forgot our earlier conversation."

You try to read the tiny text on a receipt he's got stashed in the center console, among his graveyard of snack wrappers. (2) CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCH…8.78. (1) M MT DEW BAJA BLAST…1.00.

Definitely bad at food, you muse to yourself.

"You think I'm not kicking myself right now? That I have a beautiful girl in my car right now, and all we do is argue?"

Now that—nothing could have prepared you for that.

It gets awfully quiet. The noise of the freeway seems to screech to a fever pitch, all horns and the thrum of the asphalt. You wish anything but John Mayer was playing on the radio.

You will the headlines man in your head to make you laugh. Instead, your brain presses the word beautiful into your neurons and you feel all the heat in your body float to your face, traitorously, dizzyingly. John Mayer croons, your body is a wonderland and your stomach knots into itself over and over again.

"Stop that."

"What?" Seungcheol's head lolls to his shoulder so he can look at you from the corner of his eye. " 's not a big deal. Never been called beautiful?"

A grin plays on his lips, expression dancing on something grim, like he's spoken his final words.

"I'm serious! Stop trying to get me to like you." You huff and cross your arms over your chest, like it'll somehow make you feel more normal. "I'm not some experiment for your column."

"Is it working?"

You don't answer. How can you? There's a yes resting on the roof of your mouth, surely the product of the handful of real, actual moments you've now had with him—far too many for your liking. This whole charade has been a balancing act on the razor edge between rivals and something else, and now you're feeling the sting.

"For the record, I have been called beautiful before."

"And for the record, you're not an experiment for my column. You never were."

There's a relief that pulses through your chest, a breathless, wonderful kind of dizziness. You grab hold of it as soon as it's reared its ugly head. You're flying way too close to the sun, chasing cheap validation from the same guy who ate your lunch out of the fridge last week.

He's no better—he looks like the vulnerability cracked him open a little, and you're the one holding the hammer. It makes for a grubby, unflattering portrait of two emotionally inept people trying to play feelings.

However, much like all other things Seungcheol, any glimpse of something real is gone before you know it. He takes a loud, noisy pull of Diet Coke, and the spell is broken.

"Want any?" And when you shake your head, grateful to swallow the words pressed to your tongue, he says, "Should we wait out traffic here?"

This is an easier yes. You tell yourself you're getting sick of brake lights and reading the license plates on the back of other people's cars. Certainly that makes Seungcheol's gaze, lingering and moonlight-warmed, a little more tolerable.

For once, you don't talk about Wonwoo or your job. You don't talk about love, either.

Maybe this is the reason the next few hours slip through your fingers. Three folded takeout pagodas and a secret—somehow this is all it takes for you to hate Seungcheol just a little less.

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Usually, a good eggs benedict can solve the majority of your problems. Today seems to be the exception. The hollandaise is broken, Jeonghan is already laughing at you, and nothing will ever erase the fact that Seungcheol drove you home last night and now he knows where you live. If you wake up one morning and see a sniper laser pointed at your forehead, you have no one to blame but yourself.

"You look exhausted." An eighth of a buckwheat pancake disappears into Jeonghan's mouth. "You literally eat for a living. There is no reason for them to keep you late."

Jeonghan has a funny way of caring about you, but he's right. You did get home at 2 AM yesterday, but that was on you, not Wonwoo.

"I'm not going to let a corporate slug tell me what is and isn't a real job," you sigh, taking a swig of your half-flat mimosa and reminding yourself to figure out which staff writer gave this place 4 stars in last week's paper.

"Says the girl who needs the company card to afford bottomless brunch," Jeonghan replies.

"At least I'm not a slave to my career."

"What do you call this whole thing with your coworker then, huh? It's all you text me about." The smirk on Jeonghan's face is miserably, tragically righteous, and you can't even be mad about it.

"Seungcheol is my enemy, remember?"

"You sent me a five minute voice memo the other day ranting about how he went on a date with another girl." And just like the little shit he is, he even pulls up your mile-long text history, just to rub it in your face a little harder.

"Am I not allowed to wish for his demise? Since when were you the mature one?"

"I wouldn't call keeping track of his whereabouts wishing for his demise." Jeonghan takes a well-timed bite of your hashbrowns. "Something tells me you're wishing for something a little different."

You almost choke on a blueberry.

"Absolutely not."

You watch Jeonghan power down another mimosa, half-fascinated, half-appalled he would even dream of suggesting something so vile.

The memory of Seungcheol, leant back in the driver’s seat, lowering greasy spools of rice noodles into his mouth, crosses your mind. He had laughed until he cried when he asked you if a pineapple had really fried this rice. That was the kind of man you were dealing with. You can't believe you laughed with him.

"I think it'll be good for you to get back into dating again. Mingyu was, what, three years ago?"

And that's the chocolate chip studded, syrup-covered nail in your coffin. Of course all roads had to lead back to you and your relationship trauma Jeonghan considered unresolved.

You had dated Mingyu when you were younger, softer. It was a love of firsts, of sun-washed mornings and farmer's market Sundays, of raw, black currant midnights and whatever long-winded conversation you had spent all day on.

Mingyu was a chef. His hands, his lips, his eyes—that's how you fell in love with food. Strawberry kisses into fresh pasta into the first time someone had ever cooked for you. What a wonderful, terrible thing to see all your history on a plate, the I could never eat peas, the once I ate mangos till I was sick, the guilty spoon in the vanilla ice cream after a bad day and the dark chocolate you keep in your purse. He remembered that you like your noodles just a little bit overcooked, and you don't even think you told him that.

Food, like some shitty piece of home decor would say in that swirling, curly font, really is some window to the soul. It didn't fully hit you until, one day, you were at the grocery store alone, and somehow you knew exactly what brand of everything Mingyu liked.

You opened a restaurant together after you graduated from college. Then it closed, and you lost Mingyu to Naples or New Orleans or Seoul—somewhere, anywhere to escape the corner of 5th and 40th, the December-pleated memory of his hands in yours and a promise you could never keep.

You're sure you're over it by now, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't look for him in a bowl of his favorite ramyun, the one you could never replicate even though he insisted he just added hot water (Food tastes best when it's a gift, he'd say. You never understood until now.).

Jeonghan doesn't believe you because every time you try explaining this to him, you end up sounding like the most chronically lonely person on planet Earth.

"That is the wrong guy to suggest then," you instead reply, feeling all the food dry up in your mouth.

"I'm running out of options."

"Don't you have a hot coworker or something?"

You shut your eyes, pushing Mingyu back to recall literally any face from one of the many swanky corporate parties Jeonghan bullied you into attending. The only person coming to mind is Lee Chan, and even more than his face, you remember the fat platinum band around his ring finger (Better luck next time, Jeonghan had said, mid-cheese cube).

Worse, amidst all the fuzz, a grainy recollection of Seungcheol's wet cow eyes washes up against your eyelids, and it's not going away this time.

"I thought we were all corporate slugs," Jeonghan replies, enjoying the way you glower at him over your fork. "I was kidding, anyway. Relax."

Your entire body heaves with the sigh that escapes you.

You thank god that Jeonghan is never serious, because otherwise you'd have to consider the fact that he really thought you should date Seungcheol. Jeonghan, who knows the pizza column you, the Mingyu you, and now the you that works late because there's nothing else left to do, really might have thought you should date grifter by day, con artist by night Seungcheol.

The fluorescent glaze of the gas station lights. Seungcheol's hand on the gear stick. His voice, warm and gauzy. It's like there's a flash drive of last night plugged into your head, and you can't take it out.

The stem of the champagne glass finds your hand, and you down the whole thing.

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Monday is uneventful. So is Tuesday, and you wonder what good deed you'd done to deserve such a blessing.

Wednesday, you realize you're just three interviews away from what could possibly be the best article of your life. Unfortunately, two of those won't pick up the phone and the third keeps rescheduling on you.

That's fine—Rome wasn't built in a day, and the same hopefully applies to your future noodle empire.

You're using your lunch break to write an email to number two when you notice Seungcheol hovering around your desk, a plastic straw in his mouth and evil in his eyes.

He's taken to publicly annoying you at work more than usual—Progress, Joshua had told you in the elevator this morning. Towards what? you had asked. He shrugged, letting his crafty, knowing look do all the talking.

"Me, you, and date number two?" is today's opening line. Before you can peel yourself away from your computer and give him a good lashing for whatever the fuck he just said to you, he continues with, "How's that for a follow-up text to my speakeasy date?"

"Lame," you reply, hackles still raised but now re-reading your email for typos.

"Wrong. You were supposed to say incredibly romantic, extremely witty, and unfairly charming." He perches his baseball player ass on the corner of your desk, waiting to be humbled. This is the usual order of things, which has shockingly become more of a familiarity than anything else.

"Do you even have a romantic bone in your body?"

Seungcheol raises an eyebrow. "Just one, but it's the only one that matters."

"Ew. Gross." You wrinkle your nose and attempt to soothe your temper with a sip of the terrible protein shake you got for lunch. "No wonder your column sucks."

"If mine sucks, I'd hate to see what people are saying about yours." And when your reply is a tired, hungry swig of your sad drink, he says, "No lunch today? Even I had something better."

"Lucky you."

The bigger truth is that that the deadline for your article, looming before you, is getting to you more than you'd care to admit. Seungcheol isn't helping, not with his bottomless magic hat of date stories that seems to only grow deeper by the day. Now you're forgetting to pack a lunch, and the highlight of your day has been reduced to punching numbers into a vending machine.

Things are bad, but you'll never say that aloud, especially not to the guy who'll spend the next five years dunking on you if you keep this up.

You stare down the lip of your bottle at the faux-chocolate dregs streaking the bottom.

The month before Mingyu opened his restaurant, you were so preoccupied with making sure everything was just right that you also forgot to eat. One day, leftovers from his work started magically appearing in your fridge. Chow fun (miss you!), salt and pepper shrimp (don't forget to drink water!), a gargantuan vat of hot and sour soup (love you most!).

It was a perfect coincidence until you realized there was no way Chinese takeout was coming out of a very French restaurant, and it was then you learned that love is never really a coincidence.

Now you have no coincidences, mapo tofu, or romance. Just muscle milk and a front row view of the struggling inseam of a man who must shrink his pants in the dryer.

He's peeling a tangerine. Your worst confession to date is that it's easy on the eyes. For once, his hands, always made busy with some scheme, now still over the rind, steady, practiced. Plus, it looks like a marble in his huge hands, which is unfortunately both funny and a little hot.

"Stare any longer, and I'm gonna forget how to peel this."

"Don’t flatter yourself. Just hungry," you half-lie.

Hungry, Stressed, And Delusional—The New Holy Trinity.

It's a catchy headline, but not a great look for you. Never in your life did you think you'd be ogling a man peeling an orange. He even takes all the pith off, and you don't have the heart to tell him that's where all the nutrients are.

"Exactly," he replies. Then he plops the naked, shiny fruit right on your bare desk. "Here. Eat."

You’re so taken aback, all you can do is stare. First at the orange, then at Seungcheol, who suddenly cannot make eye contact with you. Instead, he stacks the peel in his hands, dimpled piece over piece.

"Payback for the, uh, Thai," he says, and although you wouldn't equate a tangerine to James Beard awarded pad kee mao, all you can think of is an lime green sticky note in your fridge and a smile.

A gift. A pithless, wrinkly one.

The idea that Seungcheol was capable of being genuinely nice to anyone, nonetheless, you—probably the most undeserving person of it in the world—makes you feel something close to guilt.

You push through the feeling, instead taking the fruit in your hand and splitting it between your thumbs. The flesh caves so easily, and it's then you remember that food, unlike people, doesn't have to be complicated.

You can feel a better person somewhere inside you, someone easier to care for and with less of a bad attitude. You're not there yet, but there's a dark, satisfying comfort in not being good enough for the indulgence of that kind of intimacy. An arm's length was never too far away for you, except now there's someone sitting on your desk and they gave you lunch. Worst of all, you don't think you mind.

You hold out the half—sticky, guilty fingers and all.

Seungcheol wordlessly accepts it. There's no surprise or confusion—he smiles, you say cheers, and you both take a bite.

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On weekends, the Korean place down the street from your college apartment sold corn dogs until 3 AM. That was when words came easy and love came easier.

It was with sugar all over your nose, eyes pressed to the once forgiving half-moon, where you told Mingyu you would become a writer.

The thing about youth is that it can float anything, no matter how holey, desperate it was. So you sailed through college, that gasping hope wound tight in your fist. Then you started freelancing, just in time for Mingyu’s soft open. You wanted to write, but more importantly, you wanted some way, any way to be useful to the person who had given you so much.

In retrospect, there was no way your crude attempts at actual journalism could ever generate real publicity for him. Not in the heart of New York, where a new restaurant opened every two days and someone wanted to get published every three.

So you eventually sank, and so did Mingyu, leaving you with all this creased, no good love in your chest to shrivel up with nowhere to go.

All of that landed you here. A degree, a dream job, and a laundry list of accolades, but the fruit of that love still hangs heavy and joy-rot on the vine, as you wait for it to be good enough for the taking.

Ironically, it reminded you of cooking. No one ever teaches you when to stop, and now every other joint has dry-aged steak and some version of a three-day demi glacé. But at least demi glacé tastes good—you don't even know what the fuck you're doing some days, and the feeling's never been worse than now, waiting on a call you were supposed to get two days ago.

The phone rings, just in time to distract you from the top button of Seungcheol's fitted shirt, which looks like it's holding on for dear life. He's currently deep in conversation with Mina from design, but every so often, he'll glance your way to see if you're just free enough to be bothered.

The unspoken perils of working late—less people around to pester on Wonwoo's dime.

Mina stuffs her laptop in her bag and checks her watch. Strike three for Seungcheol.

Working Hard Or Hardly Working: A Guide To Office Romances. You're surprised he hasn't written that one yet. Maybe Joshua shot it down.

"Hello?" The dial tone breaks into the warm, risen-bread voice of the woman you know to be the owner of one of your favorite hole-in-the-wall noodle spots. The Friday night after your review was published, there was a line out the door. It honestly felt like a no-brainer to you, and you had no hesitation telling the owner that you were sure her place would become a local mainstay. You watched her crow-footed eyes go moony and you couldn't help but picture the day your yellowed newspaper would be posted up on the wall, framed and prophetic.

You're ready to profusely apologize for not stopping by—truthfully, no bone broth has come close to hers. Instead, she apologizes to you, which you aren't sure is flattering or a sign something terrible has happened.

You hope it's the former, but you should have known that hoping has never been enough.

She tells you that she closed the doors to her restaurant yesterday. It all comes spilling out, one gut punch after the other, the bills and the empty tables and how things just weren't the same the year after your review was published. She thanks you for your time, your writing, and your belief, and then she hangs up.

Not a thing in your body feels capable of moving. All the phone static passes right through you until the week's canned up dread balls up in your throat and some darker-than-black feeling swallows you whole.

The fluorescent ceiling lights sear into you. You think you're going to cry, and that's the last thing you want.

To anyone else, it wouldn't be that serious. Restaurants close all the time, and you know an entry in your silly little column is a far cry from a Hail Mary. But all you can think of is Mingyu’s neon sign on 5th and 40th and the two pairs of hands that had to take it down. You think your fingerprints are still on it, right over the blue shock of the I and the N.

One more dream taking on water, and once again, you're at the sad, cruel center of it.

You try to imagine the gumpaste walls, bumpy and water-stained. Maybe a pale square where your review used to hang.

No, you're definitely going to cry.

Fuck this, fuck work, fuck the article. And fuck Seungcheol, who's packing up his annoying, jingly messenger bag and is the only thing standing between you and an empty office to lose your shit in.

You squeeze your eyes shut and try to remember if you're wearing waterproof mascara today. Unfortunately, the cowbell of Seungcheol's bag sounds like it's catching up to you, and, like it or not, you are two shaky breaths away from breaking down in front of the last person in the world you want to see.

"Final touches on another titillating piece about pineapple on pizza?"

You have no stomach for yelling at him. You can't even look at him. Instead, you bury your head in your hands and tell him to never use the word titillating again.

"A little too soon to play editor, in my humble opinion."

You don't reply. You're trying to scare him off without really scaring him off because god knows you've done that with enough people. Either way, he's calling you a crazy bitch at the next holiday party. You can just hear it.

But you should've known Seungcheol, of all people, doesn't flinch at a little silence. You still feel him hovering behind you, probably wondering if it's the half-full vanilla protein shake on your desk that's turned you sour. Or if you'll really make good on your threat to shank him with the plastic knife you keep in your top drawer.

Just walk away, you think. Go the fuck home.

Seungcheol, who gets paid to play cupid like it's fantasy football, would never understand that bite of the dial tone. Not like that. Half an orange is a hell of a toll to pay for your unfortunate work-related trauma.

You count the seconds till he walks away.

One. Two. Three.

Four is cut short because instead of doing what he should have done and left, he places a hesitant hand at the base of your neck, between your shoulder blades.

"Hey, you ok?"

Easy, noncommittal words, but something in you cracks. You don't know what it is—maybe it's because it's late and you're running on nothing, maybe it's because you can't remember the last time a hand was so warm.

And so, against your better judgment, you lift your streaky, raccoon-eyed face (definitely didn't use waterproof today) from your hands to look at the same eyes you looked at not more than a month ago and swore at.

You're glad you have no idea what you look like, because it's bad enough that all the corners of Seungcheol's face fall.

"Whoa," he breathes.

Now he'll know when to leave me alone, you think, but then that hand slides to your shoulder and his expression becomes impossibly soft and what you thought was confusion, pity even, dips into affection, stinging and raw.

"Listen, I—," he clears his throat nervously. Perhaps he's running through his repertoire of Wikihow phrases to say to a sad person, but you, inexplicably, don't believe that. "I don't know what's going on, but if you, you know, ever needed to talk…" Then he points to himself because that's probably the longest he's gone without attempting to tell a joke.

You're two and a half shaky breaths into this conversation, and the likelihood you will start crying has not changed. If anything, the odds have gotten much worse because the stubbornness of Seungcheol's expression is fooling you into thinking he actually cares. The illusion is comforting—after all the fighting and sabotage and inconveniences, he's still made space for you. That, or he's keeping his enemies close.

Then his thumb rubs over the plane of your collarbone, and all the little walls and hurdles and dams and shields in you drop.

Close friends, closer enemies, and the infinitesimal space between you and Seungcheol.

You'll blame your sorry state of mind for what you're about to do because you can't really cope with any other explanation. That's a tomorrow problem.

Today, you trust Seungcheol. Today, you tell him not everything, but enough.

"Forgive yourself," he says. And before you protest and tell him, through the waves of tears and snot and lightheadedness, that your heart has yet to catch up to the rest of you, he interrupts you before you even start. "I get it. Just try."

You’re all too familiar with his sugar-floss, candy-coated platitudes that make everything seem so simple, but he looks you in the eye, or somewhere even deeper than that, with so much belief, it's contagious.

The words are ripped out from under you. All you can do is what you wanted to do in the first place. So you cry, and when Seungcheol takes you into his arms, at first tentatively and then all at once, you cry even harder.

"Is this ok?" he asks, so quietly, you almost don't hear him.

"Yeah, I-I think so."

You let him hold you, and all the noise and the heat and the static fades into a hum. His chin finds the top of your head and you let him do that too.

Neither of you say anything more. You don't need to.

All that matters is the welcome sound of someone else's heartbeat, a kind hand in your hair, and Seungcheol, with none of the charms and boasts and failed, half-baked insults he hides behind.

Just him, and you decide you like this version best.

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The emotional hangover you wake up with rivals that of every vodka-flavored morning you had when you were in college, plus another two shots.

There is nothing worse than the aftermath of a particularly bad episode of oversharing. There's a reason you don't talk about your personal life at all, but something about Seungcheol makes every single thing claw its way back up your throat.

A need to prove yourself. A tiny, whispering hope that if you give a little, you'll get a little in return. Or your pride, the familiar knife you keep wedged into your side. A million excuses rattle around in your head, but nothing will ever take away the fact that it felt good.

Shields down, heart bleeding—never did you think that's how you would find yourself in a state where you actually liked Seungcheol. It felt good to be taken seriously, to say that all the talk about foie gras and peppercorns and microgreens was just tableside service for a great love and an even greater apology. And you'd like to think somewhere between the tears and the linen of his shirt, you were finally understood.

Just try. The words, sun-warmed stones, float in the hollow of your chest. It felt a little more possible, coming out of Seungcheol's mouth, with that dumb, resolute expression of his.

You don't even know if you would do the same for him. If he came to you, rosy-eyed and breakdown-adjacent, would you drop everything and listen to him? Clearly his problems ran deeper than a pretty girl not calling him back, but you had never really cared to listen.

And that's something you'll give Seungcheol credit for—he puts up with you, with everything, really, albeit with clumsy hands and the mask of reluctance.

You roll onto your side to reach for your phone. There's a text from Jeonghan asking if you're still up for grabbing drinks this evening. (Always). You have your final interview at 2. (Thank god).

And no text from Seungcheol. (Damn.)

Somehow this is disappointing, which makes your day that much worse. Maybe the runny mascara wasn't as flattering as you thought.

8 Totally Normal Texts To Send When You're Overthinking.

Not a good headline for a worse situation. Honestly, you shouldn't care, but now you're here, staring at your phone and undecided on if you even want Monday to come or not.

You'll order one (or three) margaritas tonight. You'll ask Jeonghan about his upcoming trip to Seoul. You'll make your favorite overnight oats and you'll go to sleep and Sunday will pass just the same.

You won't think about Seungcheol's arms around you or his head on top of yours or the way he insisted he would drive you to the subway so you didn't have to walk. You almost brushed against his hand on the gear stick and the nearness made you want to throw up.

But you're not thinking about it. You can't. Not without falling in love just a little.

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"Here. Drink."

You set two cups on the table before sitting face-to-face with Seungcheol, who decided to roll up to a coffee date in a somehow flattering polo and slacks.

But it's not a date—you're just talking. It's a meet-up. Not a hangout, which sounds too familiar, and definitely not a date.

Yesterday did not go as planned. Margarita-buzzed and under Jeonghan's terrible influence, you texted Seungcheol. Just to clear up some stuff, you told yourself. Friday night's like a scab, and you just can't help coming back to it.

"So, you're a coffee connoisseur too, huh?" Seungcheol says, tipping his head to the side.

"Not nearly," you reply. "Just wanted to pay for something for once. I'm pretty sure I owe you at least fifty of these."

"I'll hold you to it." He's doing that thing where it's like he stares past you. It's the most impressive eye contact on the planet, and it's making you nervous.

Then the silence, once welcome, becomes awkward—the air turns stiff, clinging to all the things you haven't said yet.

You play chicken with the idea of being an emotionally intelligent person and just talking about what most certainly is on everyone's mind right now. The cup between your hands is burning your palms. Seungcheol smiles.

"I'm—" The exact moment you start, the words crinkle up on your tongue and all the walls come back up again. It's a terrible, inevitable instinct. "I'm sorry. For Friday."

"For…what?" Seungcheol pauses mid-sip to say this. "Also, this coffee is really good."

Arabica, orange, and honey, you want to say. But you can't deflect this time. Somehow Seungcheol has cornered you into this tiny cafe chair with that disarming grin and an overabundance of patience.

"Everything, I guess. You were just trying to leave."

"No, I wasn't." And he laughs, which makes your stomach fold over trying to figure out what there possibly is to laugh at. "I actually liked getting to know you. You…care a lot. And I didn't expect that."

Seungcheol's sincerity staggers you. You could ask what the hell he just meant by all of that, but you decide to take him for his word. You think you've experienced the most honesty from him in the past three days than you have in the entire span of time you've known him, and it almost feels like a privilege.

"Thanks…?"

"Don’t let it go to your head, though," he adds, as if to erase what he just said. "Can't have you walking around the office with a bigger stick in your ass."

"Poetic." You sigh. Once again, the illusion is shattered. You wonder if his kindness has a time limit. "How's your article coming along?"

"Nice try," he replies. "I'm not that easy."

"You're literally the definition of easy."

"Is that a compliment?" There's that challenge in his eyes again, that same look that he gave you outside Wonwoo's office. "You did ask me out on a date, despite saying that you'd rather eat glass. So I guess either there's a half-eaten plate in your trash or you've finally come to your senses."

"This is not a date. Dream on."

"You're right. This isn't a date." He leans forward on his elbows. "Just like our dinner date wasn't a date."

"It wasn't."

"Of course. If it was, I'd be asking stuff like…Where you're from. But I already know—h, e, double hockey—"

"Chicago."

"Same difference."

Your conversation continues as such.

Not a date, but where'd you go to college? Not a date, but do you have a pet? Not a date, but can I walk you home?

You realize your talk in his car two weeks ago involved everything but your pasts, but you suppose neither of you are the type to unwrap old wounds. Sometimes the bandaid is better on, but, in your case, there's really nothing left to tell.

You divulge that you went to Northwestern for journalism. You have a family tabby, and no, you wouldn't mind being walked home.

You also realize before today, you knew less about Seungcheol than you thought, but there's some give to his secrecy. He went to USC because his parents wanted him to. Played football for half of it until he tore his ACL and got adopted by the sports section of the school paper. He even captained the advice column for three semesters—something he wants to return to, but you're happy to tell him you wouldn't trust his advice as far as you could throw him. (What was your alias? Samuel. Sounds kinda like Seungcheol, huh? You say no. He laughs.)

After circling the same park three times, you reach the doorstep of your apartment building. You cycle through some one-liners to end on a high note, but none of them seem quite right.

It's not a date, but you've noticed Seungcheol keeps glancing at your lips, and it almost seems like one.

It's not a date, but Seungcheol asks some stupid question about if coffee could be considered tea, which you start to answer before you are rudely interrupted.

First, the bump of his nose against yours, then his lips, slow, insistent, dizzying. Your heart jumps all the way to your throat and you think there's so much heat in your cheeks that he can feel it.

It's not a date, but Seungcheol just kissed you and you liked it.

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The next time you see Seungcheol is in the elevator to the newsroom on Monday.

He sticks his dumb, big arm out of the cabin to hold the door open for you, and his smile bruises your overripe heart.

"Hi," he says, sneaking a glance like a guilty child.

"Hi."

The floor indicators flicker like fireflies, one by one. He sidesteps toward you so that your shoulders touch. You watch the 4 crawl to 5. The air in the cabin is sticky, electric.

And as if taking a great big dive, you kiss him, a fleeting, tender thing that you rolled around in your head for a good thirty minutes earlier this morning—and you never thought the fruit of overthinking could be so sweet.

The elevator dings.

Before the doors open to your floor, Seungcheol slams the close button, takes your face in his hands, and kisses you again.

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You have three reasons to get drunk.

1. It's Friday.

2. You finished your article.

3. You and Seungcheol are no longer mortal enemies, but now you don't know what you are.

(The other day, you both worked late, and he ordered takeout to the office. You sat crosslegged on his desk as he tried to explain what a touchdown was and why he was obsessed with the Steelers. Normally a two hour long conversation about football would be a punishable offense, but that night he made you laugh so hard your stomach hurt the next day.)

After Wonwoo's dinner with corporate, he went to the market across the street and picked up a few handles of soju and the fattest bottle of cheap vodka you've ever seen.

You're all getting a raise—you guess the Thai must have worked out well, although Wonwoo must have struck out with Yerim since he's spending his Friday night drinking with you guys instead.

So you get drunk.

Drunk enough to tune out of Jihyo from Sports giving Wonwoo dating advice—riveting, if not for your near double vision—and follow Seungcheol to the staff bathroom.

"Anyone—," you manage. His lips are hot on your neck, and every dizzy neuron in your body seems to be reaching, grasping for him. "Anyone ever tell you that your forearms look really good when you roll up your sleeves?"

"All the time," he replies, and he swallows the laugh right off of your tongue.

"You are so annoying." Your palm finds his heartbeat, and you revel in how it leaps towards your skin every hurried beat. You don't want to think about how many girls came before you, leant back against the bathroom counter just like this, but having a body against yours never felt so good. You guess that's what a three year hiatus will do to you. "Bet you hear that one a lot too, huh?"

"You got that right."

Another kiss, just a nudge of his nose and you're leaning up to him; your lips feel swollen and warm and somehow they still crave the feeling.

"How is it that we still bump noses," you ask, half words, half air. Seungcheol's hands, skin-greedy, skim over the back of your thighs like they're water and find the swell of your ass.

"You make me impatient." Cheshire grin across heart lips and you're toast. "Anyone tell you that you have a great ass?"

"All the time," you squeak out. It's a lie and a half but who cares. His fingers drag under the seam of your underwear and you've never been so thankful you forgot to wear shorts under your dress.

"Need you," he says, lips flush to the skin behind your ear, and your lower half would give out if you weren't propped against the sink.

The idea of Seungcheol on his knees, your thigh hiked over his shoulder, crosses your mind. He'd probably be really good at head, and that makes you dizzier than any ungodly combination of alcohol would. Or would he press you against the mirror, want your skirt pushed to your waist so he could fuck you from behind?

Anticipation tumbles into anxiety into some primordial, horrible shyness because you haven't had sex in years. You feel hot and damp and sweaty and you can't remember if you shaved or not. Plus, you're already seizing in his arms and he hasn't even touched you for real yet.

"H-home," you breathe. "Let's go home."

"Hm?" His hand slows in the dip between your thighs. "You wanna stop? We can stop."

"No, I just…I just thought it would be better if we went home. To…you know."

"Yours or mine?"

"Mine’s closer," you answer after a considerable amount of mental gymnastics trying to figure out if you're both drunk enough to not mind the mess.

You know your apartment and you know your bed and you know where the bathroom is in case you have to pee. There's a box of condoms under the sink. You have an extra toothbrush for him. Less variables to worry about because nothing else has really gone to plan. You watch Seungcheol misbutton the top two buttons on his shirt and all the fondness in your heart feels like a welcome stranger in your body.

How To Ruin The Moment In One Easy Step!

You feel incredibly horny and guilty all at once, but Seungcheol kisses your cheek on the way out and it's like you're able to breathe again.

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It seems that the car ride to your place sucks all the sobriety back into the both of you.

You're lying stomach-down on your bed, Seungcheol against the headboard with his shirt undone. You're in your bra and your still sticky underwear, and somehow, despite being ready to break your three-year spell, you like this much better.

"Imagine if someone needed to piss," Seungcheol groans. "I think we would have gotten fired. Lifestyle would have no editor."

"I honestly think that's why Seungkwan was standing outside for so long."

Upon hearing this, Seungcheol's eyes shoot open. If your phone wasn't charging, you would take a picture. He fell asleep on your shoulder in the car, and now, even with all the affection you can muster, you can only describe his hair as broom-adjacent. Einstein-core. How far you've fallen from grace.

"Don't worry, he won't say anything." And as you watch the color return to his face, you add, "Also, it's not that I didn't want to have sex, I just…" you trail off, hoping he'll get it even though you're making no sense.

"No, it was the right call. I wanna do it when we're both sober."

It smooths your frayed-out nerves knowing that none of this was a performance or a test, just two shy, touch-starved people stumbling in the dark.

"Lemme guess—this is just a typical Friday night for you."

"Flattering but no," Seungcheol replies, grinning something stupid. "Do you always spend this much time wondering what I'm doing?"

"No!" His hands, once busy with scrunching up the fabric of your bedsheets, now find yours, and he runs a careful thumb over your knuckles. You notice he has the care-worn hands of a line chef, or maybe even a baker, which is funny because you don't even think the man knows how to turn on an oven. "I dunno. You just seem so experienced. What about all of those other girls?"

He flips your hand over, tracing the creases of your palm.

"Just dates. Nothing serious."

You want to ask—What about us? Are we serious? But you swallow it all down. You watch Seungcheol's eyes, midnight-weary, fall back upon you, and it feels like he's trusted you with something important.

"Don’t get it twisted, though," he adds, before yawning big and wide without covering his mouth. "I'm a loser, not a virgin. Definitely not."

You bite back a laugh. Killer journalist bio, but that's something to pitch next content meeting.

"Definitely a loser. I think you make me a loser by association."

"Good. So we're both losers. I like that." He smiles at you with so much warmth, it makes your heart physically hurt. Then he clamps down another yawn. "God, I'm exhausted. I think if we fucked in the bathroom, I'd have passed out. Or pulled my back."

"Then sleep," you chide, shucking a pillow at him. "Also take your shirt off. I don't like outside clothes on the bed."

"Say less," Seungcheol says. "I’ll blow your back out another day. Save the date." Between your almost audible gulp and his unfortunately attractive physique, you almost forget the place you're in-between.

Did everyone fit into his arms? Did he lift a hand for just anyone? Two silhouettes in the lamplight—was that how every day with him ended? Or just you, the only other person competing with him for his dream job? The convenient reality scares you.

The thought never seems to cross Seungcheol's mind. His head hits the pillow, and he's out like a light. But not without a not-so-subtle scoot to your side of the bed, near enough that the heat of his skin plays off yours.

You lean into it, liking how your skin buzzes with the closeness.

You're lulled by the sway of Seungcheol's breathing behind you—probably the most quiet he'll ever be. The moonlight oozes into the room; sleep comes over you like water, a slow, gentle wash.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

You can't remember the last time you cooked for two.

You open your fridge, and the hollow insides stare back at you. Rows of condiments and two water bottles. You have finally reached K-drama CEO status.

"Is this the part where I get kicked out?" Seungcheol says, shrugging his shirt back on as he walks out of the bedroom.

"This is the part where I cook breakfast for you."

"Really? You don't have to." He sounds genuinely surprised, which tips your heart a little off-axis.

"I want to," you reply, double checking the fridge as if opening it a second time would repopulate it. "That's what people do when they care about each other."

"Or if they're trying to poison you."

"Will you just let me do something nice for you?" You yank your head out to glare at him, and he looks stung.

"Thanks." He says it after so much pause that you wonder if this is the first time someone has done this for him. You wish you had a better offering, but surely the man with the worst palate in the world could spare his judgment for one meal. "No really, 'cause I am starving."

You let him bask in the rare glory of the unobstructed refrigerator light while you rummage through the pantry for a plan B.

"Holy shit. You live like this?"

"Not always. It's been…a week." All you have is the ramyun Mingyu likes, which feels like a weird, culinary betrayal. But you're hungry, and Seungcheol is eyeing a strange bag in the freezer that you don't even remember putting there. "You good with ramyun?"

"Honestly, I'll eat anything," he whines, gnawing on the ice straight from the freezer drawer.

At least he's self-aware. But he makes all the spaces Mingyu left behind seem a little less empty, and you can't find it in you to be mad at that.

You wait for the water to boil and Seungcheol finds a seat at your tiny dinner table, a misaligned, wobbly product of Mingyu’s inability to read an Ikea manual.

"I'm hoping your week got better?" Seungcheol asks, referring to your capital W week.

You tentatively nod before dropping the noodles in.

"Of course it did—you woke up to me in your bed. Can't get better than that."

"Actually, it's because I finished my article yesterday."

Seungcheol pauses before laughing to himself. "Congrats," he replies, now wiggling the table on its bad leg. "Can't say the same for myself."

you watch the starch-foam wash over the mouth of the pot, precariously close to the edge. You overfilled it, which mildly surprises you until you consider that you're cooking double the food.

There's a stretchy, anxious tumble in your stomach. It's not like you were expecting him to cheer or anything, but it just reminds you that you are, still in fact, competitors. When all of this is said and done, one of you is losing, and from every angle, it seems like quite the death knell for whatever you've got going on now.

It's a pity because you actually kind of like this arrangement. If Seungcheol was in your banged-up flea market chair next Saturday morning, you wouldn't be mad. Maybe you would even make him waffles. From scratch, even.

"What, too many dates to cover?"

He laughs again, somehow to no one in particular. "Something like that."

Past the bruising swell of his smile is the much sharper, more unforgiving edge of an unspoken hurt that you're neither trusted with nor owed, and yet you refuse to drop it. What about me? It feels like you're almost there, wrapped around something bigger, a scoop you can't pull your stubborn teeth out of.

"Is there a reason none of those were serious? Come on."

"What's so wrong with that?" And when you don't say anything, he says, "Trust me, it is never that serious."

His voice ticks up at the end like a teenager trying to play cool and the noodle water boils up around your chopsticks as you try to get your portion cooked through.

You won't—can't—turn to face him. You committed to the line, and now you must see it through, no matter how bad an idea it may be.

"That's not true," you finally squeeze out, finding the right footing for your voice. "It was serious for me. I'm sorry it wasn’t for you."

The table stops rocking.

"I'm glad. Really." He claps his hands together like a cruel punctuation mark, and it's then you remember that the only person as ill-tempered as you happens to be sitting two feet away.

Like an injured animal, your heart wants to cower back into your chest. You knew this was a mistake—this being everything—but an open wound can't help but bleed and your pride can't do without seeing the knife.

"Look, I don't know what your problem is." The pot hisses, astringent and pleading, beneath your fist. "I don't know what happened with your love life, but don't take it out on me."

"You asked."

"Yeah? Well, what is this?" You turn to face him, feeling the air between you tense, pulled like a rubber band. "You can't sit in my kitchen and tell me you don't care about whatever this is."

After all of the terse meetings, elevator spats, and foul-mouthed encounters in the parking lot, you can now recognize the fresh twist of Seungcheol's mouth and the livewire of a temper you've become so familiar with.

"Who said I didn't care? I'm just tired of you trying to lecture me about my life. I—"

"I'm not lecturing you, I just know you can't really believe what you're saying." Every word stumbles out, trembling and doe-legged, barely audible over his attempts to interrupt you. "There's nothing wrong with admitting you were in love with someone. And if you can't, I just feel really fucking sorry for you."

There’s an incredulous look in Seungcheol's eyes. But it's the worse part of you, ruthless and hungry for acceptance, that makes you say, "Maybe the fact that nothing lasts is your fault."

"Oh, really?" Seungcheol's voice, half-laugh with none of the warmth, rips through you. "You're really gonna act like you're better than me? As if you don't write in your pretentious little column every week, just waiting for your ex to read it and decide he wants you back again?"

There’s a red hot flash behind your eyes and everything inside you feels like it breaks at once.

"You know, at least I had someone who cared about me. Can't say the same about your miserable, sorry ass. Now get the fuck out of my apartment."

"Wh—"

he stands up, table croaking underneath his fists, and you realize you've crossed a bridge that can never be uncrossed.

"Get. Out."

It feels like a stitch in you has come undone. The water has long boiled over the pot and there's no joy to be found in watching Seungcheol stumble over his pant legs on the way to the door.

"I didn't want Mingyu. I wanted you."

it's not an apology, nor is it an indictment. You don't know why you say it, and you guess Seungcheol doesn't either. The door slams behind him, and all you're left with is a bloated pot of ramyun you never really wanted anyway.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Celery. Red wine. Short rib.

If you had one day left on earth, you think you would go grocery shopping. It was like a prayer to you—you could close your eyes and know exactly what aisle had the beef broth, or feel the stone weight of a can of San Marzano tomato paste.

That's one thing you can thank Mingyu for—it's true that you don't love him like you used to, but you refuse to believe that any love worth having is also worth leaving behind.

Fingerling potatoes, the red ones. A Vidalia onion.

You recite your shopping list, slowly, quietly, a rosary.

Baguette is the next item, with a question mark next to it because sometimes your local bakery sells out after 3.

You pass by, expecting to see the shop window cleared out. Instead you see a familiar crown of cowlicked black hair and a horribly well-worn grin that only looks good because it's on Choi Seungcheol's face.

He's paying for a pretty girl's sourdough, and thyme, rosemary gets washed out by a dizzying riptide of heartache.

It was never personal, you tell yourself. Just another date. That's the angle.

You think it hurts a little less, knowing that it all was a business transaction. A long interview.

The thyme is next to the dill. The rosemary is next to the chives, at the end of the shelf.

You watch Seungcheol lean over the tiny cafe table to take a sip of his date's Americano. Did he always laugh like that? Were you really any different?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Monday feels tilted.

There's the usual gust of cinnamon sugar and cold brew—today's offering from the interns, who have begun to master the art of pressing the elevator buttons with full hands. Wonwoo is wearing his Monday outfit, a wrinkled cream button up under a navy blue sweater vest. Your cubicle is empty, just the way you like it, save for the ass-shaped spot cleared off on the desk edge.

You like days like this, except today you don't and you know exactly why.

"Today's the day," Joshua says, nose buried in a bakery-style muffin, the top pillowing out of the wrapper.

He stares over your shoulder at your article, locked and loaded for submission to copy.

You are not exaggerating when you say you would die for these four thousand words. You ate and cried and argued for them in what you can only describe as the worst literary coliseum of your life, and now their (and your) fate rests in Joshua’s massive Mickey Mouse hands and Wonwoo's bespectacled whimsy.

"Well, don't let me stop you." He laughs and then totters away, sucking a crumb off a finger. Just another Monday.

Your cursor hovers over the SUBMIT button. You've always been a little scared of it—unsurprising, since you're also the type to triple read an email before sending it—but there's a new kind of fear boxed in those little pixels.

Last night, you emptied out your freezer. Stuck on the back wall was a neon green sticky note, behind all the bags. See you when you get home, it said. You laughed and then you cried and then you ripped it up because that's probably what Seungcheol was looking at the morning you chewed him out.

All of that heartache must have been good for something. To say you wasted it on a no-love situationship wouldn't do any of it justice, not when all that's left is most definitely a crude shoutout on Seungcheol's next listicle. If you weren't already getting one earlier, you sure are now.

You wonder what you'll be:

10 Signs She Is Clinically Insane.

It's Not You, It's Them!

Help! My Friend With Benefits Isn't A Friend Or A Benefit!

At least that one is funny, although if it's the winning line, you don't think you can ever show your face in the office again.

The beginning and the end and the muddy in-between. Entrenched in all of it was this article and this job, and you'll be damned if you let your misplaced faith get co-opted by a sweaty-palmed Casanova.

(8:19 AM; the smell of summer and dried-down cologne. A hand on your ribcage, just beneath your heart. Good morning, Seungcheol says, as if emerging from a long, wonderful dream.)

You picture the byline with editor tacked next to your name. To run your finger over the ink spackled serif of a paper hot off the press, as if somehow it would radiate the misery you had to endure.

(11:41 PM; jajangmyeon and a pack of rice crackers. Seungcheol had given you his chopsticks because you dropped yours. The hum of the broken light outside Wonwoo's office sings in the silence of an empty newsroom. Your eyes meet, and you don't look away.)

There's a sinking feeling in your chest. You close your eyes and hit submit.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Ask Samuel!

It's 6 PM on a Thursday and if you weren't already on your last thread, you are now. The angry red of the Daily Trojan website glares back at you from your phone as you step into the elevator with none other than your editor-in-chief.

You've resorted to reading Seungcheol's old advice columns. Not because you miss him, but because you want to know if he was ever a competent writer capable of talking about something other than how to score on a second date.

That's the only way he's beating you.

(There's also no way you miss him. The thought would make you laugh out loud if you weren't standing next to your boss).

One column became four became ten. After thirteen you concluded Seungcheol must have sustained a head injury some time before starting his job here—you can find no other explanation for how someone so generous and intuitive could've gotten lost in the chaff of articles with more pictures than words.

"Congrats," Wonwoo says, seemingly speaking into the void.

"Pardon?" You close out a particularly riveting query about estranged childhood friends to look up at him.

"Congrats."

"F-for what?" You get that head rush again, the same one you got a month ago at the Italian restaurant with Jeonghan.

"The job. You got the position." Wonwoo clears his throat calmly, as if he's not delivering the most important news of your life. "I wanted to let you know in person before we sent out Monday’s email."

For once, you have no words. In a wonderful instant, they are all zapped out of your brain. You feel hot and clammy and anxious all at once and you half expect to close your eyes and see either god or the flare of a hospital light, waking you up from an impossible coma.

"Holy shit," the primordial ooze inside you says instead. "T-thank you."

"No need."

"What about Seungcheol? Does he know?"

"I haven't told him yet, but he should be aware." Wonwoo pauses. "He didn't submit anything."

"What?!"

There are only so many surprises your body can handle. You feel like you are being held together by a fast-unraveling string on a poorly made sweater. Your stomach is somewhere in your feet and you don't even know where your heart is. Part of you is waiting for the elevator to stop so the entire office can jump out of the walls and laugh at you.

"I too was surprised," Wonwoo says, now checking his smartwatch for messages. "He must have changed his mind. No matter—I'm confident you will be an excellent fit."

The elevator jerks to a stop at the first floor. You feel boneless, like a can of cranberry sauce.

"Forgive me, I have a dinner appointment." Wonwoo ends the conversation the best way he can—with his trademark parentheses smile and a nod of the head—and leaves you in the elevator cabin alone.

All the times you've dreamed of this moment, you're tear-dizzy, joyous, fumbling with your phone to call your parents.

Instead you stand motionless, waiting, emptied.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

To make croissants, you fold a slab of butter into a square of yeasted dough. You roll it out thin and then fold it into itself before leaving it to rest in the fridge. Then you take it out again, roll it, and fold it. You do this until you've forgotten how many times you folded it and you no longer crave croissants.

When you were five, you pressed your nose to the window of your favorite patisserie and decided this is how your mind works.

You've had ample time now to flatten out Saturday morning, to watch all the little layers of doubt and loathing form, and now you're sick of it. It's not often you're star witness to your own unhappiness, but, as if you were called to the stand, you can easily play back the moment you lit the match and then watched everything explode.

You're not sure what either of you were expecting. A playboy and you, who loves so insistently, almost as if out of spite—there is truly no reality in which it makes sense. The fact that you fought over a literal pot of ramyun only proves this.

And now he's saddled you with the final blow. The position of your dreams with none of the glory because he gave up.

He gave up.

None of this should matter to you.

You're standing outside the office, waiting for your ride to your celebratory dinner (this time, on Jeonghan). The little headline man in your brain is silent for once. Instead, you try to enjoy the breeze, honeyed with late June, and not dwell on the horrible twist in your stomach every time you think about your new position. It's been 24 hours since you found out but it is no less raw.

It's then that you catch Seungcheol, creeping out the double doors of the office like some sort of criminal. You're not sure if it's the plod of his Sasquatch feet or that bag you hate so dearly, but you could recognize that walk from anywhere.

His pace quickens when you turn to face him—he's running away. You won't grant him the satisfaction. Not when he's fucked up what little you had left, and then some.

"You're an idiot, Seungcheol."

That does the trick.

"Funny way of saying hi," he responds, bracing himself on the sidewalk as if you're about to hit him.

"Why didn't you submit anything? What the fuck were you thinking?"

"What does it matter to you? You got the position."

"Look, I—" You shut your eyes, feeling the frenetic ice-cream churn of your brain try to put together a million broken up words. "I'm sorry for Saturday. But I never wanted to scare you off from the job. You deserve it as much as I do, and, as much as I hate to say it, I care about you too fucking much to watch you throw away your shot."

Saying the words is like cutting something loose from your chest, a million strings coming undone.

Seungcheol takes a deep, unsteady breath. You watch the crest and fall of his shoulders and the inescapable tar pits he calls eyes get big and shiny.

"No, I—" He pulls himself from your gaze. "I'm sorry. I should have never said that to you. And I should have never treated you like that."

The silence between you ripples, as if after a long rain.

"I was scared. A long time ago, I threw myself into a relationship. I thought we had something really, really good, and then I found out she was also seeing someone else."

Being right never felt so bad. It's even worse that something you would look forward to—the I told you so, the jokes really write themselves—no longer holds any satisfaction, only a sense of loss and a terrible urge to make it right again.

"And it's not right, but I decided that it was a mistake to take chances like that again. And it was fine, fun even, going on all of these casual dates and getting paid for it. Then you just had to mess it up."

"H-how?"

"You were so dead-set on convincing me otherwise. You wouldn't let it go, not with your weird sayings and the way you talked about your ex and when you told me you were making me breakfast. I started believing you, and it really fucking scared me."

There's a sharp pain in your head. It feels like, at once, you were skinned like a fruit. Like the interlude between dream and waking, all the sheets of sleep yanked from your person.

"What…what about the article?" you ask, scrambling. You don't really want to contend with what he just told you. You don't think you can.

"You deserved it more. And you really love what you do. I used to think it was all bullshit, but I was wrong."

You take a hard swallow. The image of Seungcheol, head bowed, a nervous hand on the back of his neck, swims in front of your eyes.

"Whatever. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore," he laughs, mirthless.

"No, wait," you say. "I-I also…never took you seriously, not even when I should've. You know, I read your advice columns. Crazy, I know."

"I do have to say that is one of your more insane claims."

"No, I thought, they were actually, you know…really good." You watch him blink, mouth already twisting up as he fights a smile. "What I'm trying to say is that I think we messed up. In a lot of ways. But I want to be friends again. Or at least not enemies."

Seungcheol takes a long pause before he sticks his hand out.

"Choi Seungcheol. Writer. It's nice to meet you."

Some force, as if you had always been connected, pulls your skin to his. You shake his hand for the very first time, and starting over never felt so good.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

"You're booking Eleven Madison for the office dinner again, right?"

Wonwoo pops his head into your office, his Monday uniform now festive with a holiday tie. Today, it's snowmen with glasses.

"Naturally," you reply. "Unless you have plans on that Friday."

You're referring to last week, when Wonwoo took a call in the middle of a staff meeting and revealed that yes, he would most definitely be available for drinks with Yerim that evening. He ended the meeting thirty short seconds later, and you think you saw him skip to the elevator.

He laughs, deep and caramel. "Not this time. Also—don't forget to review those job applications. Sent them to your email."

Before you can tease him again, he leaves, and you are forced to look at your teeming inbox, the only unfortunate side effect of your new position. But you've never been happier, and a hundred new unread emails never seemed so wonderful. The first time Jeonghan saw you in your new office, you were so giddy he thought you were coming down with something.

You take a hefty sip of today's coffee (ginger, molasses, cinnamon). On the side of the cup, the one you keep facing away from the door, reads SEUNGCHEOL and OAT, in loopy marker letters.

After you shook hands in the parking lot, you agreed to take it slow. You thought bringing everything to a simmer would cure you of your affection, but it wasn't even a month before Seungcheol was back in that same seat in your kitchen, eating the blueberry waffles you promised him.

But if slow meant long phone calls and the nervous twine of your hands after an ice cream date, then you think you like slow. You could do slow for a while.

He's taken to bringing you coffee in the morning. He claims it's your editorial right, but you think he just likes having an excuse to barge into your office. (And close the door behind him. And kiss you. But that's aside the point.)

Plus, Seungcheol's had plenty of legitimate reasons to be in your office. The newest one is the launch of Ask Sunny! , which you think is the best idea he's had since deciding to get you coffee every day. He spent the last few days campaigning to reuse his old alias, but you're pretty sure he was just looking for reasons to argue with you.

"Afternoon, boss."

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. You always seem to learn the hard way with Seungcheol.

He swaggers in, ear-to-ear smile on his face, before taking a seat at the designated corner of your table.

"I think I like this desk better," he says, folding at the waist so he can lean close to you. Instead of reminding him it's the same desk, you just choose to make space for him, you let him press his nose to yours.

"Friendly reminder we're at work."

"Everyone's at lunch, genius."

He interrupts you with just a touch of his lips, which should be considered no less than a war crime by now.

"You are the worst."

"Not what you said last night. Not even close." He places another wet kiss on your nose before sliding off the table edge to his feet. There's a horrible warmth in his eyes as he watches you very clearly remember what exactly he's referring to. (A wandering hand. A cherry. Dark hair, wound through your fingers). "Anyway, I've got serious problems to solve. Or should I say Sunny? I still think we should have gone with Samuel."

"Executive decision," you tease. "Now if you don't need anything, scram. Out of my office."

"Just wanted to remind you I made reservations for us at Avra today," Seungcheol says, lingering in the doorframe with the shit-eating grin he tends to sport nowadays. "I'll even let you order."

There's no fighting the familiar bloom of laughter in your chest. It boils up, sparkling and citrusy, as you roll your eyes and watch Seungcheol return to his desk no less starry-eyed than how he walked in.

If cooking is a language, then love is the words, and you finally think you're learning to speak them.

You open the email at the top of your inbox: Seungcheol's last draft of the article he never published. You urged him to let you consider it for the next issue, and he finally caved (although you're learning that he really doesn't take much convincing when it comes to you).

Eat, Play, Love: A Guide.

Maybe you'd put it through. Maybe.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

[jungwnies]

syn ' a-z alphabet (nsfw) jeon jungkook pairing ' bf!jungkook x gn!reader

i am so unbelievably down bad for jk right now, so this is in honor of seven and my current weakness in the knees for him?!?!?!

a ⋆ aftercare - (how he is after sex)

BOY.... YOU KNOWWW he is taking care of you well

cleaning you up

cuddling you

just know that aftercare he gives is TOP tier

NIGHT AFTER NIGHT HE WILLLLL be treating you right ;)

b ⋆ body part - (his favorite body part)

you lips

your thighs

your ass

literally every part of your body he loves

c ⋆ cum - (anything to do with cum)

he comes on your stomach

or in you

if you don't want to fuck raw then he opts for the stomach

but he prefers coming in you

he likes seeing his seed spill out of you

d ⋆ dirty secret - (his dirty secret)

he loves when you beg

it's the virgo in him

he loves seeing you under his control

like seeing you so down bad for him

and just so submissive

he loves it

e ⋆ experience - (how experienced is he?)

girl

he knows what he's doing that's for sure

he doesn't have a lot of bodies

but he's been in committed relationships before

and the sex never fails to please

f ⋆ fav position - (sex position)

missionary for sure

loves being able to see your face

but sometimes he just wants to do doggy and shove your face into the pillow

g ⋆ goofy - (how he acts in the moment)

he's not goofy okay

but he isn't serious

he's very very

romantic

he's about making sure you're pleased

h ⋆ hair - (how groomed is he?)

he is very well groomed

but he isn't ... bald down there

there's hair there

but not a lot

it's trimmed

not completely gone though

i ⋆ intimacy - (how passionate is he?)

very passionate

like i said

he's a romantic

j ⋆ jack off - (how often he masturbates)

like once or twice a week if you're not there

but if you're there

then never

unless it's mutual

k ⋆ kink - (one or more)

lowkey sadistic???

he kind of enjoys hearing your sobs

or when you cry for him

but if you're genuinely hurt or sad

then he will be there for you

but if you're just in tears cus the sex is

THAT good

then he's super into it

l ⋆ location - (fav place to do it)

the bedroom

sometimes in the car

but mainly in the bedroom

or just anywhere in the house

m ⋆ motivation - (what keeps him going)

your moans

your cries

your sounds

the way you moan his name

it's like fucking music to his ears

n ⋆ no - (something he would NOT do)

would neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

do anything like somnophilia

he's just not into that

if he's going to fuck you

you're going to be awake

o ⋆ oral - (giving + receiving — is he good?)

he goes crazy

especially when he's giving

HE GOES CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and when he's receiving

his basically fucks your throat

god

god

god

god

oh my god

p ⋆ pace - (fast and rough? slow and sensual?)

rough yet sensual

he goes hard

but not fast

q ⋆ quickie - (his opinion on it + how often they happen)

all the time

on set

before award shows

when people say he has the "we just fucked look"

it's real

because you guys literally just fucked

r ⋆ risks - (is he willing to experiment, does he take risks, etc.)

yes

he is willing to experiment for you

he will risk it all for you

but he sets boundaries

and he respects yours

anything you both are down to do will be done

s ⋆ stamina - (how long can he last?)

he lasts pretty long

but it's not round and round

it's like

longgggg foreplay

and longggg sex

he takes his time

he wants you to feel good

stimulated in every part >.>

t ⋆ toys - (does he use/own any?)

no not really

he's kind of into teasing you in public

it makes it easy to get you to finish shopping

u ⋆ unfair - (how much does he tease?)

A MOTHER FUCKIN LOT

that's all i have to say

he teases a lot ok?

v ⋆ volume - (how loud is he + what noises does he make?)

he moans loudly

he's very vocal about how he feels

not growls but groans fs

just always says your name

and is like

fuck

yes

baby

i love it

fuck

yeah... ANYWAYS NEXT???

w ⋆ wild card - (random headcanon for him)

he thinks about marriage and kids the second he looks at you

he's never been one to think that far into the future

but the second he realized he loved you aka the second he looked at you

he just fell immediately

it's like his whole future flashed before his eyes lol

x ⋆ x-ray - (what’s under his clothes?)

he's not long

he's not thick

he's average

like ngl it's not that big

but it gets bigger when he's hard

so it makes up for those lost inches

we all know he's built

the abs the muscles

he's works out

very nice bod

we all know this yes?

y ⋆ yearning (how high is his sex drive?)

everyday he is down to do it

but he doesn't actually do it everyday

as long as you're open to it

then he is also open to it

it's above avg. but not high

z ⋆ zzz - (how quickly does he sleep after?)

not quickly

he has a hard time sleeping tbh

he falls asleep quick but he doesn't always feel the need to sleep

he sleeps once he knows you're comfortable

and he will be able to sleep once you wrap your arms around him

and tell him you love him

duh

2022 © jungwnies | tumblr

[sunlitlemonade]

YOU WATCH F1 TOO?!?!?!?!???????!?? RAHHHHHHHHH🏎🏎🏎🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 can we plz get thoughts on drivers 👀🥺🙏🫣🫣🫣🫦

anon i know you sent this sometime around suzuka but that last emoji made me laugh every time i tried answering this. as for the drivers......... sigh. I'm swinging a very bedazzled bat at a swarming hornets' nest. pray for me.

under the cut because i yapped a LOT. also. uh. possible slander. so like.

Red Bull Racing

Max Verstappen: starting off strong here with my favourite guy of all time. He's Inevitable™. He's fast. He's amazing. He's sweet and blunt and gorgeous and I want everything good for him. He's phenomenal, he moves me, he makes it's so easy to root for him and yet, it's incredibly taxing to be a fan given the British bias in F1 journalism and the fandom, not to mention FIA occasionally losing it's goddamn mind.

Sergio 'Checo' Perez: I'm actually so fond of him. His recent performances leave more to desired, I know, but fuck if he isn't the funniest mf around. Also it's simply a matter of time when he gets back in form [the bias is STRONG here I'm aware]. Also he's an extremely good second driver because I for one think he knows how to handle a team built around his teammate. I don't think any other driver on the current grid would have gelled with Max and Red Bull's structure [and strategy to win] the way Checo has.

Ferrari

Charles Leclerc: Il Predestinato. Saint Leclerc. Curse bearer and curse breaker. He's made to be a dream. He can make the hopeless hope. I know I said Max is generational talent but we're quite lucky to be in this era where we have not one, but TWO generational talents because Charles..... this guy..... you have to be blind to not see the sheer talent and insanity this man holds. Ferrari get your shit together istg. I need a Verstappen - Leclerc WDC fight. IT WILL BE GLORIOUS.

Carlos Sainz: *cough* ok, so, I wanna start off by saying I do think he's a chill guy off-track, ok? I really do think that. He's funny, quick, hot [ofc]. As a driver though. I just. He's good --not as good as F1 media wanted you to believe after his win in Australia and the circumstances surrounding it [WDC material??? Any GP winner now is considered WDC material??? ok]-- but he whines A LOT and I would actually prefer if his aggressiveness on track is directed less at his own teammate and more on their opposition? That would be cool. Plus sometimes he forgets it's not 'yippee we are all friends haha' all the time and inevitably fires up when someone serves cunt on track and he's bearing the brunt of it. I call it the Mclaren syndrome if anyone is interested.

Mclaren

enough said [ignore the shit quality i grabbed the first template i could find sjskdjfke]

Mercedes

George Russell: HES SUCH A HILARIOUS DIVA!!!! WHO DOESNT LOVE THIS GUY?? He's so entertaining and fun and he is a very good driver! I feel like we still have yet to see all he can achieve and I am very excited to see what happens next.

Lewis Hamilton: Legend. I truly have nothing else to add. Forget his fanbase, forget his tunnel vision when it comes to winning [and this applies to almost every driver, most of all my favourite ones lol], he's seven time world champion for a reason. Since we're asking for my opinions here though, I'll tell you this: anytime he wins I'm happy enough to see it [though I will forever want to see my favs on P1], any time he doesn't I don't care much, if he has a bad race I will give it less notice- basically, he exists in the periphery of my vision. I have been in awe of him for years and admire him but I cannot call myself a fan. One thing I can't help but obsess over is how cunty and unapologetic he is [which is also something that I love about Max].

Alpine

Esteban Ocon: He's a good driver, he's grinded hard to be here in F1 and I love to see it. Also, he's geek! In my books, that's always a plus.

Pierre Gasly: He's actually one of the most unremarkable drivers on the grid currently. Like there's nothing wrong with him and every time he pops up in interviews or whatever he's fun to see but that's about it? Honestly he seems like a cool guy, a driver okay enough but doesn't stand out much to me in anyway skdjhsjd

Sauber

Valtteri Bottas: THE MOST UNDERRATED DRIVER EVER MAYBE????? I love this dude and I'm hoping he can get something better than the tractor he has this season, as unlikely as it is.

Zhou Guanyu: Again, he's a nice enough driver and I really enjoy his vibe but he's crawling on the track in the tractor Sauber cooked up and I don't really know what to think of him beyond what I have stated.

Aston Martin

Fernando Alonso: Anyone who has a problem with Mr. Alonso has a problem with me. This is a strict Alonso Stan account, I do not take criticism and idc what anyone else has to say about him. He's a legend, he's an icon, he's the spirit of F1. I'm quite literally obsessed with him. You know what. Max is the Only One for me BUT if Fernando happened to win a 3rd title........... Did you know that Adrian Newey was recently acquired by Aston Martin [MAKE IT HAPPEN NEWEY].

Lance Stroll: idc. truly idc. some hate this guy, some love him. im at the camp of idgaf. just complete indifference.

Haas

Kevin Magnussen: If you've noticed anything by now, it's that I love love love track terrors. Not the stupid bitches who divebomb everyone all the time and start barking when it happens to them. Nah, the ones who race. I fucking love them. I love Kevin. Hoping against hope that he gets a seat somewhere next year, I will miss him so much. He's incredible to watch. God. I will actually miss him so much. Fuck.

Nico Hulkenberg: Another underrated driver, he's actually quite skillful and entertaining to watch. I just wish he had better luck like 😭

VCARB

Daniel Ricciardo: I miss him. His performances had waned and yeah, it had been time for him to go but I will still miss him and idk man I will admit I wasn't his biggest fan a while back, which had hurt because at some point, years back, he was the main reason why I watched the sport at all. But he had slowly wormed himself back in my heart and fuck. His last race actually made my chest clench ngl. He was absolutely amazing.

Liam Lawson: Consider me sat. I'm SO curious to see how he performs. We know he's got potential but just how far can he stretch?

Yuki Tsunoda: How many times have I used the word 'love' already? I'm sorry but what else can I say? I genuinely love this fella. He's so good and exciting to watch on track and also, plain funny. I wish for everything good to happen to him.

Williams

Alex Albon: infatuated with his billion dollar smile. Now that that's out of the way let me also just say HES SUNLIGHT INCARNATE, also I COULD LISTEN TO HIM YAP FOREVER. Idk I'm actually really happy for him because he seems to be flourishing at Williams and I mean this in the best way possible: he shines at a midfield team. [Also, note me saying he's sunshine doesn't negate just how fucking sly & sassy he can be. I adore that about him.]

Franco Colapinto: MY BELOVED. I perk up like a sunflower under the sun when I see him. He's such an intriguing driver. I detect hints of track terrorism abilities brewing here and cannot wait to see more of it. Also! He's so refreshing to listen to. I know like 80 percent of the grid is no-nonsense and transparent but man idk how to say this. He's a fucking comedian. Not a thought that has any sort of filter at all in that pretty little head of his. Just. No PR training at all here.

Logan Sargent: This boy. He did not deserve even a smidgen of what he had to tolerate. I actually detest the collective treatment from the fandom and his own fucking team that he had to constantly weather. I hope whatever racing division he advances to, he fucking demolishes. I hope he has so much fun winning. I miss him and his reserved smiles.

Special mention:

Oliver Bearman: I mean he raced twice this season, I can't skip over him just like that. Anyways, he's a BABY [< girl who's half a year older than him sjedhbwje] and I WANT HIM TO DO GOOD. He's done relatively well till now in the limited time on track [in F1] we've seen him, we'll have to wait and watch how he does next year. This F2 season for him has been... eh but like I get why.

[66sharkteeth]

Weekly thoughts! Episode 186. We're back!

And uh. Sorry if that panel is a spoiler to anyone bc I'm pretty sure like 70% of you aren't aware City of Blank came back this week so there's your incentive to go read the new ep.

I'll try to talk about the actual episode first before my ~feelings~. The panel above is definitely one of my fav in the entire series. Though a lot of people seem confused and even think that the gas made him...grow.. bones??? It's just dissolving his blank space.

Like it's been elaborated, the blank space will act like a scar. A lot of times it'll go away if the injury heals enough that it doesn't need it (like Rex's torso injuries), but in Jericho's case, his wounds were so extensive, it stays there permanently, since he has literal exposed bone and muscle from his injury. As for his injury, I think a lot of people have forgotten he got caught in an explosion. So uh... Ya know Gus from Breaking Bad or Two Face from the Dark Knight? Yeah, that happened. And the blank space has just been holding him together.

Anyway, for the rest of the episode... The mixed opinions on Claude are fun, but I am glad some people recognize he's not completely utterly evil and stupid. I saw one comment say he's on the side of what's best for Jericho, not what Jericho wants, and that's the best way to put it. You can still call him stupid and evil if you want, that opinion's still valid, but I do personally agree more with those sympathizing with him who recognize he's just trying to protect the first person he's ever cared about. Overall I'm happy with this episode which is kind of why I'm sad about it yet again lmao

It is always definitely a bummer to come back after a huge cliffhanger and still see the number of comments lower than ever. I'm trying really hard to not feel like it's a failure on my part. Unfortunately I did know this would happen, as comics always lose a chunk of their audience any time they go on a break but usually at least get some of it back with promotion and banners. But unfortunately my break wasn't long enough to get any of that (which I was aware of going in) but I just needed that break so bad. Here's to hoping it doesn't put too much more of a hole in my wallet.

[l1li4n]

guys f1 is not about going to war hating other drivers. it's also not about making sure who they're dating is a "good" person or not. it's about watching cars go vroom vroom in circles. i get that we all have our favs but that DOES NOT give you any right to dictate or micro inspect their private lives or hate on other drivers. i get that we all have opinions about all the drivers. that doesn't mean you have any right to go on the internet and just be a hater.

i am just shocked at all the anti-lando, anti-max, anti-oscar, and many other terms. like how miserable and unhappy are you with yourself and your life that you have to go on the internet to express hatred about people who actually don't even know who you are. support your favourite drivers for sure, but don't go around spreading hatred.

as of who they're with, and their personal life. these are GROWN men who are ADULTS. they know what they're doing and can make decisions of their own. you should never form opinions based on a couple of pictures. you don't know what their private lives look like. you absolutely have no right to dictate their personal lives. especially sending threats. like in what world is that okay? get a job ffs.

and as to how the drivers react to certain situations, you have to keep in mind that you can never know them personally. you don't know what's going on in their head. how many times have all of you argued with your friends and in the heat of the moment said shit or done shit. all of us have gone through that. so, just relax, alright?

if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all.

and as i have said multiple times in the past, focus your energy on supporting your favourite driver, not bringing down others.

and I'm not going to sit here and pretend that i like all of the drivers, i have my own favourite drivers that i love and i also have drivers that i strongly dislike. but that's my opinion. i don't go around being a vengeful person on the internet of all places.

[crsssie]

from one admirer to another : top holiday in your opinion?

pairing: leon kennedy x reader || masterpost: from one admirer to another

synopsis: from one admirer to another, an online penpal service, allows for two people with common interests to write to each other without ever revealing their actual address! Luckily for both you and Leon, you get matched up! What do eggs and Christmas even have in common anyway? sure hope it's that modeling business and NOT that Ada Wong addiction.

featuring: reader as scrambled eggs // leon as christmas

Hi Christmas!

What an interesting name. I don't think many people on this service actually use something that creative. I, for one, just really enjoy having eggs so I'm called scrambled eggs. Though, sometimes the doctor tells me to go easy on them since the cholesterol in the yellows of eggs is HEINOUS for my blood tests. So, alas, I am coping through naming myself all things eggs.

I love Ada Wong. She's my beloved, and if I say I'm her second biggest fan, no one can say they're her first because I am her day ONE you hear me? DAY ONE. I AM HER DAY ONE— okay, I'm sure you're not convinced, but a person can dream. Come on. I've literally already read glhf <3 on ao3 so I'd say we're pretty neck to neck. Also, that fan event and the sticker? Thank you. Going into my phone case like right now.

As for her helicopter shoot, what Ada stan DOESN'T feel some way about it? I, for one, went manic when it came out. It was so bad I was begging for her signature on my magazine and yelled a little when she signed it. No, don't rob me. I live in an apartment with my friend and NO it's not an option to climb to the 17th floor.

History about me... I wonder? I don't do much. Well, a little bit like you, I model a little on the side as well, but only because I'm nepotism-ing my way into the industry through connections. I'm not interested in it as a full-time job, but it's kind of nice being on set and watching how it all goes down. Maybe I'll become a manager? But that's too much work. Honestly, I'd rather just be some weird form of sugar baby except not to an old man and to the people who are trying to get me into the industry. I'd love to just be their bestie who shows the bts of everything. That sounds FUN.

Hm, to speed-answer your questions, my favorite way of having eggs is actually in a nice cheesy omelet or an egg benedict, my favorite holiday (call me biased bc of my bsf) is the dragon boat festival only because those sticky rice zongzi are actually the chinese's greatest gift to man, and I write in my freetime (don't ask what. I know a degen when I see one, and YOU my friend, are no different from me).

Now, to ask you a couple of questions back. What's your favorite way to have eggs? Your fav holiday? Surely it's Christmas? All jokes, of course. How about some life updates? We can be like... besties, except not besties because we don't even know what the other person looks like and for all I know you could be some 60-year-old man who's faking everything through the letter. Just kidding! I'm not lying, so I'm sure you're not either.

I'm attaching a small Ada print I found on my table while digging for pens to write back to you. I hope you like it. I think it's signed by her? But I'm not sure. I think I had her sign two that time... or something. I don't remember.

hope to hear back ? scrambled eggs

You finish the letter and sign, print slipped in as Ada steps out from the shower, towel around her neck as she raises a brow.

"Oh, is that the model penpal service?"

"Yeah." You seal the letter and write in the PO box, humming. "Did you ever use it?"

"No. I only know it because Wesker insisted that I know that the penpal service wasn't actually for finding friends, but getting to know who else in the company shares a passion for the same things. I have you, so I don't need to worry much."

"MARRY ME!" You sob, crying into your hands as Ada rolls her eyes.

"I'm your roommate. Also, that contract you signed as a small-time model prohibits dating."

"I said marry me, not date me." You raise a brow. "Also, I made them scrap that part since I wasn't planning on becoming famous. My contract has a lot more leeway compared to yours."

"I know." Ada sits at her vanity, plugging her hairdryer in as you step behind her, helping her out. "It's a shame you didn't want to become famous."

"There's no point in being famous unless it's for the money. What of that do I need to care about if you're legally obligated to provide for me?"

"Really sucks to be best friends with you." She rolls her eyes, pulling out her phone. "Did you update that chapter yet?"

"No, I was going to update it after your hair."

"What did you write about this time?"

"I'm not telling you because I gotta lock myself in my room when I post it."

"You didn't even ask me any questions this time around." She huffs.

"Mainly because I was gonna write angst again and you hate it when I do that."

"God, you're insufferable."

"Thanks, love you too."

prev letter : masterlist : next letter

[wineaunt420]

I need to share my opinions about my fav hogwarts legacy Characters because I am bored and just want something to kill the time

~~~~~~~~~~☆

Sebastian: What a charming little guy, his heart is in the right place, that place may be a firey shit stew of his own creation but...atleast he can cook?

Ominis: unwilling participant of a comedy Trio between him, seb and MC. They may as well put Ominis on a stage production of "How many times will I let my best friends disappoint me" starring as the voice of Reason. Bless this boy, he works so hard.

Imelda: At first I thought you were just rude, then I saw that you were just so passionate about your craft. I have a love and respect for her now, she can do no wrong in my eyes

Garreth: I needed more of him and less of him at the same time. More because what an absolute cutie pie. Less because potions class would stress me the fuck out. He walked so Sebastian could run, this ginger biscuit is one surname change from Brewing Illegal Vodka in the Gryffindoor commonroom. Also he is Audhd, I know my people when I see them.

Leander: I love him because he is stupid. He wasn't just dropped as a child, he was pelted. And that's OK, I love him all the same. At first he annoyed me....and then I realised he has the same IQ level as me and that is not alot. Little Autism in him, I love him to bits, bless his little cotton socks.

Amit: the most unproblematic guy, Love this guy. He is just here to do homework and look at stars, and he is all out of homework. Absolutely zero Amit slander in my house, ok?

Now in terms of my favourite Teachers

Sharp: this is my Dad now. If I had a coun for every Miserable old Git I kidnapped to make my father figure, I would be very rich with a concerning amount of Miserable old gits in my house. And he hides that he likes to draw!!! Aesop the man you are.

Fig: Also my dad, sometimes (After he kicked the bucket) I visit his old classroom and I actually find it quite difficult to be in there. I feel physical grief not seeing him in there. My MC misses him so much

Headmaster Black: he is a British head teacher. Only a handful of them out there are actually decent people. He isn't one of them. Although he does have serious Style and I respect him for making tough decisions

Ronen: What a Unit. It's so rare you actually meet a teacher who doesn't hate their Job. There is nothing more to say, This is a top Geezer

[wanderer-six]

BAD BATCH HEADCANON - Showing Affection

A/N: I'm doing these to overcome my irrational fear of doing bad batch headcanons and people thinking i have wrong opinions on them LOL i am such a baby QQ

These are just the ways I think the boys would most appreciate when it comes to showing affection or their fav sweet lil gestures! Enjoy ♥

Warnings: just a little spice for Crosshair but I think the rest is fine and sfw lol

WRECKER

His favorite PDA is obvi just smacking u with lula

Wrecker loves touching you so much all the time

Sometimes it's intentional--he'll wrap you up in his arms and kiss your head a hundred times

But sometimes it's just a subconscious response

When Hunter's going over plans, he'll just pick you up and set you on his shoulder, not even noticing he's done it

This is a common occurrence: he picks you up all the time just because it feels so natural to him

You're like a magnet for him. If he can hold you, he will hold you.

It's a little embarrassing to be hoisted into your boyfriend's arms in the middle of an important briefing, but you can't stay mad at him.

You're sure if you had the power to lift him into your arms so easily, you'd do it, too

ECHO

I think Echo wouldn't be a frequent PDA-doer for many reasons

He's very disciplined and seems more reserved than his brothers

But I think a little forehead touch would kill this man parentheses positive

If he needs to leave for a mission, and you rest your forehead on his and smile when you wish him luck, he will die!!! Parentheses positive!

It'll be all he thinks about while he's gone

It'd become something of a tradition between the two of you

Just a subtle and easy way to convey the way you feel about one another that would take hours to accomplish with words

I could see it becoming so important to him that he'd be unwilling to leave your side without it

Because if anything were to happen to either of you while you're separated, he wants to be sure you know what you mean to him

HUNTER

Hunter does not strike me as a prude Victorian maiden or anything

But I think hand-holding would be really special to him

He'd be happy to kiss you whenever, of course

But it's the subtle way his fingers always find their way to interlock with yours that is so meaningful

If your hands are smaller than his, I think he'd secretly be very sentimental about it--it reminds him that, even if you can defend yourself, he wants to be your protector

(Or, at least, someone you can count on if you ever get tired of being so amazingly capable)

It's also something of a sweet gesture from him, too

You know how often this man uses his hands--the way he can spin a knife with a blade so sharp you're liable to get cut just looking at it, the way he's always throwing hand signals

But he prefers to hold your hand, instead

He must like you, or something

don't tease him like that or you'll earn yourself some much more overt PDA than hand-holding

TECH

Tech doesn't strike me as one who'd be very into PDA

Not because he doesn't like it, or he doesn't think it's worthwhile

He's just busy thinking about lots of other stuff, and so it wouldn't come to mind as often

That's why whenever you lean your head on his shoulder while he's working, his poor heart can barely take it

You're comfortable enough around him that you're willing to just sit with him? And be close to him in a way that lets him keep fiddling away at whatever he's working on?

He is so in love!!!

It becomes routine for you to sit beside him when he's piloting the Marauder, or when he's looking up schematic's in Cid's bar, or really anywhere you can be near one another.

And once you lay your head on his shoulder, he lays his head on yours, in turn

To anyone else, it doesn't appear like much--but to Tech, it means the galaxy

CROSSHAIR

Crosshair strikes me as someone who says he's not into PDA

But you always find his hand on you in some capacity whenever you're out with him

Most often, he'll sneak his arm around your waist and rest his hand on your hip

You know better than to point it out--you're sure if you were to say anything, he'd pout about it

So instead, you always try to make it easier for him.

You'll stand close to him, keep your arms out of his way, even lean in a bit closer to him once he finally has his arm around you

It's a small and meaningful way for him to show that you're his, without invoking the torment of his brothers

(That being said, he's a lot less subtle when it comes to the regs)

(If you're out and about with him and a reg so much as glances at you, expect some very salacious, very obvious kisses on your neck)

A/N: I hope you enjoyed!! pls let me know if you wanna see more ♥

[artisticwizard]

General Grevious

Sleeper agent phrase activated.

Favorite thing about them

Fucking. Everything? I adore robots and he's a cyborg. I adore aliens and he's an alien. I love characters with four arms and guess what. On aesthetics alone he's gorgeous to me. He's been my fav character in star wars ever since I saw him in the movies, and He's been probably one of my top favorite character since then as well. Disclaimer, but I like the Legends backstory for him so much more so I usually default to that when talking about him. His backstory??? MWAH. MAGNIFICENT. STUNNING. POETIC. LIED TO AND USED ALL OF HIS LIFE? He thinks always that he is doing what is best for his people. He lost his literal other half in the war, his true soulmate to slavers of his people, swept into the sea. He changed his name to grievous to let his grief be known to all of his enemies??? My fucking GOD. He was a demigod among his people. He is a canon polyamourous king who has several wives and sired many children. He was a strategic mastermind and sought out by the sith for his genius. His hatred of the jedi was falsely implanted in him by sith interference. He thinks that the jedi are to blame for his cyborg body when it was the sith all along. Fuck man. I couldn't write a better character if I tried, and I have. Literally a character so doomed by the narrative that he is the epitome of tragedy to me.

Least favorite thing about them

I understand why he has to lose a lot, because the primary message of star wars is that good always triumphs over evil. The light will always beat the dark. I get that. I just dislike how he seems to lose in ways that are embarrassing? Anytime he loses it seems to be in an almost childish way that's unbecoming of him. It's why my favorite rivals for him are Obi Wan or Kit Fisto. Both of them are incredibly intelligent jedi masters that use strategy and his own ego against him, which make the times he is defeated against them more satisfying than other times.

Favorite line

Jedi. You are surrounded. Your army is decimated. Make peace with the force, now. For this is your final hour. But know that I, General Grievous, am not completely without mercy. I will grant you a warrior's death. Prepare! (followed by one of the sickest fucking lightsaber fights ever)

brOTP

Hard to answer. He doesn't have many friends. I wouldn't consider them friends exactly but his bickering with Asajj Ventress is always a treat.

OTP

I've dabbled in almost every grievous ship I can think of. I can't say I prefer one more than the others enough to make it an OTP. Some of my favs are obigrievous, asajj x grievous, Ronderu x Grievous, and dooku x grievous. TECHNICALLY one of my favorite ships features an original character from a fic I've read. Fanfic writers who make compelling and engaging OCs for their fics are amazing *wink wink nudge nudge at the person who sent this.*

nOTP

None I can think of.

Random headcanon

The Kaleesh are a reptilian species in general, that will not stop me from giving him some cat-isms. What if he purrs. What if his eyes get big when he sees something he likes. What if he likes scenting things. What if he bellows like a crocodile. What if he chuffs like a tiger. Shut up.

unpopular opinion

I already stated this, but I prefer his Legends backstory over his canon one. I've come around to not hating his canon one as much as I used to, but I still prefer the other.

song i associate with them

Literally I cannot think of one. I am a failure. A sham. A facsimile of my former self.

favorite picture of them

All of them, but this has been my discord icon forever. I have no clue who drew it but it was part of a doodle page here on tumblr and for the life of me I cannot find the original artist.

[lets-try-some-writing]

Ohhh, salty asks? I'll dabble with 9, 14, and 19.

Most disliked character(s)? Why?

Sari, Russel & his Dad, and Elita-One.

I haaaaaaate Sari so much. I don't even like TFA that much, but I would have enjoyed it more if this little girl weren't present. She annoys me on a spiritual level. She does have a few moments where I vibe with her, but the annoyance overrides the comradery. I know some people will die on her hill, but I am not one of them and even her fascinating lore can't drag me from my hole in the ground.

Russel and his Dad are just annoying and it's not even their fault. They were part of a garbage show that disregarded and danced on the grave of TFP before spitting on it for good measure. It isn't THEM that bothers me necessarily, it's their characterization that murders me. I just can't enjoy them or their presence when they are treated as jokes or just get in the way.

As for Elita-One? I am genuinly sad I don't like her. I generally enjoy her in fandom and I LOVE G1 Elita with every fiber of my being. I can even appreciate Skybound Elita a great deal. But other canon versions of Elita? It's just painful. She's NEVER written well. Generally being too arrogant and stuck up for her own good (TFOne), not particularly notable (TFE), lowkey evil and not in a way I find appealing (IDW comics), or not even Elita (TFA). I just can't vibe with her even though I really really really want to.

Unpopular opinions about your fandom(s)?

This fandom is unreasonably sexual. Look, I totally get it. You love your blorbo. I love my blorbos too and I know that sexual themes/art/ideas have their place. Heck, I use the concept for comedic and angst purposes all the bloody time. But for heavens sake yall, we've got SO MUCH LORE and half the fandom is sitting over here drooling. When I use such themes, I tie it in with either a good story or unique lore. But the fandom just kinda... throws it around for funsies? Idk it just bothers me as a person who cares very deeply about things having meaning and design. Feels a lot like chugging a pixie stick when there's a ton of such themes getting thrown around. I would much prefer a more delicately devised art piece, personally.

The robots are hot, I KNOW. But goodness we've got so much else to play with here people. (Not saying this to rain on anyone's parade. Just my thoughts).

What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

Well, I suppose what I hate most would be the strange unspoken division in the fandom. Transformers, thank the stars, is a very unified fandom on almost every front. You might never run into the people I'm about to talk about. But there is a noticeable divide between two rather undefined factions. For the sake of this, I shall dub them the lore purists and the rabid fans. The lore purists get SO mad at everyone who doesn't agree with their takes, those who mess with the lore, or otherwise have views that don't match with canon content. On the opposite side of things, the rabid fans can be kind of unhinged and not in a good way at times. They can become quite vicious when it comes to other people's headcanons and preferences. Both sides fight each other and amongst themselves.

It's not particularly noticeable to newcomers, but I've seen more than a few people trying to fight each other over the net for being sympathetic toward a certain character or for having ideas and aus with 'problematic' content. Even I've been on the receiving end of the unhinged a few times for having sympathy for my fav war criminal. With that said, honestly its easy to avoid getting involved in these two sides to the fandom. Just do your thing and be polite and huzzah, everyone is really really nice.

[wraith-caller]

rogier and d twins for ask thing :)

someone asking ME about the d twins and rogier?? as if haha like i talk about them sometimes or something?? ha hahahah

Rogier

favorite thing about them His emotional issues and how they result in this weird kind of duplicity. Yes he's a polite fella, but you're never going to get at much with him besides his academic interests.

least favorite thing about them That he can't die by my blade #sicko

favorite line gotta be the dreambrew line, specifically when offered to him post-blight. I feel like it encapsulates and summarizes him perfectly. Bitter and a bit proud, rejecting attempts at empathy and reading them as insulting instead, but then quickly realizing he's getting a little too 'real'. so he immediately covers it up and reverts back to being polite and gracious.

brOTP Him and Eleonora I think. Their stories just have too much in common for me to not want them to hang out and get shitfaced together.

OTP Rogier/his own demise (or maybe Rogier/Darian, who knows??)

nOTP I dunno if I have one. I don't like Rogier/Devin in romantic terms, but if its vicious hatefucking I'll take it.

random headcanon i'll die before i give up the HC that his family is utterly fucked up and the source of him developing his emotional detachment + his people pleasing ways + the cocktail of misery his set describes him having.

unpopular opinion he's absolutely manipulating the tarnished into helping him. it's often read as him being your genuine friend and growing to trust you, but i feel like everything we know about him would indicate otherwise. he's a good liar, holds others at arms' length, and never talks about himself, only his mission and research. his heaping praise on the PC is less about genuine feelings of kinship and more about him buttering us up to keep us helping him. this is not to say he secretly hates us or something. but he's also not the most emotionally healthy person, and i think it'd take a lot more digging before he'd ever make a deeper connection with someone, certainly more time than the tarnished spends with him. he's not just a 'you have to have this many xp points to unlock my tragic backstory' he's a 'you need those xp points to unlock anything from me that isnt a polite smile and a gracious compliment to keep everything running smoothly'.

song i associate with them

Tongues & Teeth by the Crane Wives Distrust by Aibhe Reddy Wolves of the Revolution by The Arcadian Wild Claude's Girl by Marika Hackman

favorite picture of them

im not here to deny any allegations made against me.

Darian

favorite thing about them That in a land full of liars, cheats, killers, and cutthroats, he's pretty honest and straightforward. When he asks something of us, he does it on our terms, and he doesn't press us.

least favorite thing about them his haters tbh I don't know. this isn't me denying his negative traits like his devotion to the GO blinding him, because I enjoy that about him. I like my favs character flaws, they'd be boring otherwise.

favorite line am i allowed to pick all of them?? his voice is hot. maybe this one where he says "You haven't gone to see Gurranq yet? No rush, you do as you please." It's nice being shown patience lol but also joke about Gurranq starving to death is so corny, and I love him for it.

brOTP Devin feels like the obvious choice, but I'd also like to suggest Juno Hoslow or Nepheli Loux. Juno and Darian feel like that, in spite of their vastly different backgrounds, they'd have something in common being the older brother. He and Nepheli, I've honestly got no canon reason for it other than I like them together. I think they have similar dispositions with their kind of serious and stoic natures, but also a desire for justice(though its debatable whether their senses of justice would mesh completely...depends on Nepheli's perspective on the dead).

OTP Darian/Rogier, no surprises, next

nOTP Hmm hard to say. I guess Darian/Fia is hard to picture, but it doesn't make me feel like I wouldn't read it lol

random headcanon I think that, even after being accepted by the Golden Order, he and Devin are still largely ostracized by other knights and hunters, and mostly still only have each other. He still deeply values the Order for taking them, because it's a far cry from having nothing at all, and now they at least have a purpose and a place.

unpopular opinion the fact that i like him at all is apparently an unpopular opinion lol But really I guess I just don't buy that he's a callous, heartless, empty-headed fascist. I was told the other day that the "whole point" of his character was his fanaticism, and I think this is a pretty big misreading of his story, because there is way more interesting stuff to be said about him and fia specifically than 'he's a fanatic'. That is a piece of who he is, but not the entire point.

song i associate with them Dorian by Agnes Obel Before I Sleep by Marika Hackman

favorite picture of them

probably this pic elden_things took of him.

Devin

favorite thing about them his absolutely unhinged and feral behavior that runs so counter to darian's calmer, stoic demeanor. it's another expression of dualities. they share the same soul, just across two bodies, so there is this weird thing where they are at once distinct entities, but also the same. and i think the contrast in their behavior serves to illustrate that.

least favorite thing about them that we get so very little about him, and nothing of him prior to darian's death. so it is hard to judge much of his character when all we know of him is in this freshly traumatized and disoriented state.

favorite line "Ah, hello. The rotten witch is dead." It just drives me bonkers how you can HEAR the crazed grin in his voice. Very well delivered line.

brOTP It's hard to see Devin befriending much of anyone but Darian, but again, this may be because of how we don't really know what he's like before Darian's death broke him.

OTP Not sure I have one for him.

nOTP Devin/Rogier or Fia/Devin. I think he'd blame the former for Darian's death. And the latter, well lol

random headcanon He resents himself and imagines he's a kind of burden on Darian. Being he is the 'younger', he may have an irrational notion that, had he not existed, and Darian had been born alone, there'd be no curse and Darian could've had a normal life.

unpopular opinion He's not a misogynist and I think it's absurd to make such a claim based off like one minute of character interaction, and fresh off the heels of his brother's murder, no less. I think people try to make it a moral imperative for you to dislike a character rather than it just being a personal preference. Just saying 'I don't like them bc they suck and I hate them' is less a powerful argument than 'he's clearly a misogynist so you should hate him or you're bad and excusing misogyny'. It's ridiculous.

song i associate with them The Friend by Meryem Aboulouafa

favorite picture of them

i liked this action shot i was able to get of him fighting one of the gargoyles.

[lilywily143]

I'm gonna give you guys just a few of the ideas for ALL the voices before I draw them. Because I wanna share so muchhhhh I'm so excited working on all this!

Both spoilers and just long

Hero: Superhero appearance with wings shaped like a cape, even if he's most "human" Though I can make an argument being a superhero to help people is the most human out of the voices.

Broken: hhhh he's my comfort guy. I do have a lot of doodles of him with plucked feathers. [and I don't just mean bald spots, the stems are still in the body] But I wanna add more... diving offering based things for his...opinions on the Tower Princess

Cheated: Oh he needs a X on his chest as a general princess parallel for her being cheated from life too. Also cuts from the Razer princess. Past that, not sure.

Cold: I abandoned the idea of making him look like he was made of icicles, to be wrapped in his wings "But he's a voice numb to the cold, he is the cold itself, why would he be getting himself warm with his wings-?" Because I like that he is cozy within himself. ah? that cool? No? don't care, i'm commited

Contrarian: God I wanna do more past the jester idea and something with his Stranger route arc BUT UGH IDEA MAKING IS HARD. I have a draft of him like a jester for now...

Hunted: I'm gonna reuse the ripped off feathers idea for him. My chickens fight for domanice sometimes so I have a good reference for the appearance. probably bite marks on his wrists and an additional claw. not like a new hand, it's like this thing

Opportunist: EEEHEHEH it's hard to describe without devolving but it's.... a illusion to a Devil pretending to be a Angel thing in visuals, but in representation he isn't a devil just mischievous.I also added the fun ribbons from the Princess and the Dragon chapter.

Paraniod: Heart. Lungs. Liver. Nerves. Oh come on how could I not add them??? also just ruffles up feather coat and wings. he's gonna get a REALISTIC heart design on his chest btw, not a cartoon one [unlike another voice~]

Skeptic: little hard to figure out i'm still thinking about him maybe detective since he doesn't know what's true and wants to find the truth?

Stubborn: KNIGHT. He is a knight. Warrior!!! the willpower to fucking come back to live is badass. I might make a colored drawing JUST FOR HI because I would love him to have some orange for a Phenoix vibe

SMITTEN: MY BELOVED VOICE. HE'S MY FAV Cupid. He's a Cupid and no one can convince me otherwise. Cute cartoon heart imagery, dainty angel [like cartoon cupids] wings, a nice gown. It suits him

i wanna also say. I am not dressing up the voices, I thought feather shaping language would be fun. Though I didn't have that as a "hard rule to follow". Smitten was the first I drew and he's gonna keep the gown

Also part of me REALLY wants to do "evolved forms" of the voices because of the paths they have a huge role in. Like I saw @beartitled with a Goth Smitten form from the Happily Ever After Chapter because of the HUGE role he had and how much of a evil voice he was. [loved your art btw if you see this, it's inspiring to see :D]

Btw I love the Smitten even more because of that route. Not because I like his actions as the epitomy of "Amatonornativity Standards in the World" but because it shows how much more depth he has and also how too much of this one voice/feeling can be super bad. Like it's such a interesting arc on his end alone and the entire chapter is amazing but now i'm rambling.

[dia-souls]

Pairing: Kino 🎮 and Yui 🌸

Author: Admin Irsa

Genre : ⚠️ Romance, Tragedy end ⚠️

TW: Forced relationship, Pregnancy, Blood mentioned, Death, Tragedy Ending

Admin's Note: I am back with another one shot and this time pairing is kino and Yui as we all know there is not so many fics about them that is something that hyped me while writting it. Kinoyui and Shinyui has very strong rivalry for being my fav that's the reason I asked for your opinion. I don't know how I came up with this idea tbh words came to me while writting I hope you all will enjoy as there aren't much CD and route related to Kino so it was a bit hard to create a Kinoyui one shot.....

🌟 Distant Stars 🌟

Kino sighed as he looked at Yui sleeping besides him peacefully. His hand caressed her tender cheek which has now become chubby because of her good health. This has become a daily routine of her arguing with Kino. Kino used to reply her back but stopped because Yui got sensitive and starts crying and then he comforts her then she sleeps, his hand went to her bulging belly which had his and Yui's child inside.

This child is forced on her. Yui doesn't love Kino but he is sure this feeling inside his heart is love for her the amount of pride he feels when he sees her belly.

Kino got up from their bed. He pulled cover on her, letting her rest. He has now become king of vampires and he needs to do work. After killing all Sakamaki and Mukami he become the only option to the throne. Yui was now his wife, he had an eye on her for long time.

Kino at start saw Yui as a plaything. He didn't care what she wants. She was alive for his amusement, but he started catching feelings for her and he thought this feeling isn't love. Kino as a big fool denied this feeling and called it lust. As time passed he realized that he is desperate for her for, her presence which frustrated him to the core so he decided to get physical with her their intimacy was forced as Yui had zero feelings for him.

He did forced her but after the deed he had big regret. He did felt good by doing it but the moment he looked at Yui crying and sobbing, his heart ache. She after that started avoiding him and locked herself in room refusing to see him, Kino also decided to avoid her as he thought it was best, during their time apart kino realized how much he loves her.

His confession was met with a huge slap on the face, Yui had tears rolling down her cheeks like a waterfall and he immediately left her alone. Reassured that Yuri would take care of her, the news of Yui's pregnancy came out and that's what made them be able to communicate normally again.

Kino loved this child, he had many reasons to do so, as Yui came out of that room and began to transform into her normal self, this child brought them both closer, as if they were tied, so Yui still has a grudge against him, but Yui is a good person. Morality is what makes her endure Kino. She does all these things just for the sake of her child so that child will be normal. Kino is sure that he will start loving the baby when it is born, because the baby is not born yet, it has changed a lot after it was born, it will become a symbol of their love, Yui and Kino will forget about their past and start a new life with their baby. They will forget past mistakes and regrets.

[{_______________🌹_______________}]

Kino walked in his office to see a pile of documents.

"Ahh! Shit... I miss my old life!"

"Don't say that you are now a king!" Yuri said while bringing more papers.

"Don't remind me... I am so tired. I just work, work and work this is all I do my old man also had this position yet he had enough time to have fun with his children life."

Kino leaned towards his chair and rubbed his temple.

"Kino.... Be serious we need to start working. Besides you need visit vibora castle. They requires your presence."

"What? what thoes snakes want from me?"

"We just received an invitation from them and we need to go there to see what they want."

Kino sighed.

"Yeah.. yeah sure."

"Good let's start working then shall we!" Yuri said while lifting a document.

[{_______________🌹_______________}]

Kino decided to take a break, he got up from his seat then he noticed Yui so he walked closer to the window. He saw Yui walking in garden and looking at roses. Does she like thoes rose? He will make sure to get them planted all over the garden!

Kino eyes widened as he saw Yui gripping the rose which has throns and was hurting herself. Kino immediately teleported their.

"Are you sane!!"

He said while throwing the rose away from her hand and he noticed her hand dripping with her blood. He glared at yui.

He brought her hand closer to his mouth to lick the blood off her hand. But Yui yanked her hand away from him.

"Look what you did ! Idiot!!"

She glared at him.

"Why do you care?! What I do to myself is none of your business!!? "

Kino's face became red with anger but he need to be the calm one as Yui isn't in condition to put stress on. He immediately hit her main point of weakness to make her obey.

"Okay! I won't bother you but.... Yui you have my, I mean our baby inside you, if you hurt yourself the baby will also be hurt... We both agreed that we will change for the baby. So.. you don’t want the baby to become Subaru right?!! "

Yui's eyes widened. That's true she can't do that. She can't be this cruel to her baby, it's her baby after all. Kino might have done wrong to her but their baby is innocent and it did nothing wrong. She looked down because she was embarrassed of her action.

Kino looked at her gently this time. He pulled her for a hug.

"Yui... You and my baby are most important to me.... Please don't hurt yourself like that... I am not saying this because of child inside you but because I love you."

He looked at her pink eyes.

"You already know why I care because I love Yui even if I want I can't stop caring about you."

He smiled lightly and put her hand on his heart.

"It doesn't and can't stop minding its buisness, it always want to look at you and be with you."

Yui's eyes softened at his confession but she can't deny his cruel action.... she looked at him licking the blood off her hand. Kino loves her and cares for her...... he is changing for her. Yui didn't resist or stop him from licking her blood and healing her scars. The scars on her heart are also healing with his gentleness, his patience and love.

"I am going to go out today..... So take care of youself."

"Huh? Where are you going?!" Yui turned to look at him.

Kino smiled at her.

"You don't want me to go?"

Yui remained quite at his words.

Kino smiled as she is behaving like him. When he was catching feeling for her he always wanted to know where she is what is she going to do. Kino knows his relationship is progressing with Yui. Slowly this will turn into love.

"Don't worry, I will return by night. You just need to tak care of yourself till I return." kino walked closer to kiss her forehead and Yui didn't resist and letted him.

[{_______________🌹_______________}]

"LEAVE HER!! ...... You please don't do that don't!! Just don't!!" . Kino yelled as he watched Yui being taken by founder.

"You are no one to stop me vampire, know your place!" Shin said as he kicked him.

He glanced at Yui who was behind him on floor. Yui immediately looked at Kino and started running towards him only to be grabbed by Shin.

"Hoh? Where do you think you are going?!"

Shin threw Yui on hard floor not caring about her condition. It's not like the child is founder or his child.

"YOU BASTARD LEAVE HER - - "

His face met with Shin's kick. Kino spitted blood out. He coughed some blood.

Shin then looked at Yui, walking towards her. Yui crawled away from him fearing his action. Yui whimpered as she was grabbed by her hair.

"Why do you get pregnant by him? You choose to carry a child of some inferior being such as him huh?!! You had a chance to carry a founder child!?!" Shin said as he grabbed her again to lift her.

"No... Nghh... Leave..... Her..... Shin I beg you kill me but leave her and the baby... Please don't touch her please...."

Kino was losing consciousness as he was restrained and now was tired. He cursed at himself for being weak and idiot for falling into Shin's trap he sended a fake invitation so Kino left the palace which made the castle vulnerable as vampire king wasn't present to protect it. Shin attacked the castle while it was vulnerable . And his purpose was to kidnap Yui but Kino upon hearing the news returned immediately but it was too late as Shin threatened to kill Yui if he didn't pass his power to him.

Kino obeyed and transferred power as he was too scared for his family safety.

Shin now became powerful enough to defeat all vampires and ghouls present as his army was already strong but now he is superior.

Shin laughed cruely.

"You know what is going to happen?"

He came to him slowly while smirking he bended to his eye level.

"Nnghh... Agh.... Shin... please..... kill me, leave her.... do.. n't hurt her... "

Kino was nearing his end. Yui was still crying. She was shouting his name as she herself was in sheer pain but her heart was hurting for kino.

Kino laughed sadly at her. She was now begging for him to not to leave her. He knows he isn't going to make it alive out off here just when they were getting closer to happiness reaching their happy ending this happened. Kino can see her love for him and her affection for him.

He wished he can hear her confession.

Shin laughed at scene crazily.

"You know what I plan to do? I plan to dethrone Nii-san and I will become the king, the leader, the only founder alive in this whole world!! Isn't it crazy my dreams are coming true!"

He chuckled. He looked at Yui.

"Don't worry I will make sure you will live. "

He turned to kino.

"I won't hurt her for sure.... But her baby, no! No!! Your baby will die I will replace yours with mine!"

Both of them widened their eyes.

"Yui will live and will be mother of my children. Founders race won't die. They will continue. they will never go extinct."

He turned to Yui and grabbed her face. Yui was now hicupping because of crying so much her face was swollen. Shin looked in her eyes.

"Don't worry! I will quickly give you a baby you won't suffer more I won't hurt you! "

Yui cried at his words.

Shin took his sword out and walked towards Kino.

"No!! NO!! SHIN PLEASE DON'T..... KINO please.... don't..... go.... don't.. lea.. ve.. M.. E!! "

Yui yelled while crying her tears not stopping.

Kino laughed gently at her.

"Don't cry Yui... I hope.... you will live happily... my Yui I love you.... I was so cruel to you forgive.. me for... everything.... Don't cry..."

Yui's face was the last thing he saw before Shin sword stabbed him.

[noxiatoxia]

HEY so I know its been a minute since I've sent an ask, but I saw some of your posts about danganronpa, specifically regarding another episode, udg, and I was agasp because I was literally in the middle of playing it for the first time lmao. So after finishing the game last night I really wanted to ask, if you want to ofc, your in depth thoughts on the game and why you like it so much, or even thoughts on the gameplay and mechanics since its so different than the danganronpa staple. I quite liked it personally because of Komaru and Toko's relationship, them becoming two of my fav characters in the franchise so far, and because I became very endeared to the kids by the end of the story. I have some qualms with how Kotoko was handled in chapter 3 at... that part... but she's also my favorite of the kids at the same time lol.

Anyways yeah no pressure at all, I just was really curious because I liked the game a lot and found it so funny that you posted stuff about it as I was playing it. Also because I really enjoy your ouran opinions. But again I get if not, the game has some senstive subjects for sure. Thanks!

THIS IS LIKE THE BEST ASK EVER FOR ME TO RECEIVE. I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS GAME AND HAVE BEEN FOR NEARLY A DECADE AT THIS POINT.

Okay....where to even START....

(I will be referring to UDG as DR:AE or just AE in this. SPOILERS FOR ALL OF DR:AE.)

Firstly, the environment. Unlike the main series, DR:AE does not take place in a secluded area away from the real world. It does the opposite; you are in such a vast area, you are not caged, yet you are still trapped. Even if Komaru didn't have that wristband on her, where would she go? The game is great at highlighting what the world outside of what we are told in the mainline games is actually like, how caged things are even outside, all while expanding upon existing characters' backgrounds by introducing family members, or little pieces of dialogue that serve to flesh out the world.

The gameplay itself, personally, I find VERY fun. I'm not a shooter game person, but DR:AE was a game I could play many times over. I love the different types of ammo, the puzzles, the possibilities with how to destroy the monokumas. Just a fun game all around. It's by far the most replayable Danganronpa game, as the main series games are all about the story. Once you know the story, there's really no reason to replay them. In fact, they are quite slow and boring without the intrigue of the mystery.

But the highlight, obviously, is the characters. As is Danganronpa's specialty.

While I still maintain Hajime is the most interesting protagonist of the series, Komaru serves as a great subversion of the expectations set up by Makoto's actions in the first game. Makoto is someone who preserved no matter what, changed those around him with his hope. He was your quintessential paragon protagonist. While Komaru displays this a little in some scenes (namely rallying the adults under Haiji's protection) this is only the result of speaking from her own wants and experiences. That is to say, unlike Makoto who always tried to help others even if it cost his own life, Komaru is much more realistic. She cares, first and foremost, about her safety. Her helping others to stand up for themselves comes from her own desire to keep fighting so she can live, and so she imparts that onto the people around her. Fight so you can live. She says it herself: she is not like Makoto. She is selfish, she is not endlessly optimistic. She's more like Hajime in this way, but unlike Hajime who find his own brand of philosophy, Komaru really doesn't. Rather, while Hajime's character serves to show you don't have to choose a predetermined path (hope or despair) and rather your path can simply be believing in yourself, Komaru's character shows that sometimes, and maybe even most of the time, believing in yourself or a specific ideal is not feasible. Komaru believes in the people around her - namely Toko. She believes in her friend, and believes with her friend that things can keep going. This in my opinion is an excellent twist on Makoto, who was, by all means, that friend that people believed in, not the one doing the believing.

And, as an aside, Toko and Komaru have the best development of any pair of characters in the series. Yes, even moreso than Hajime and Komaeda (who I maintain never really had "development" between each other than just a very, very good dynamic from the get-go that was influenced at points by outside plot forces on Komaeda's end. Think Light and L from Death Note in this manner).

Now, let me talk about the real meat of the game, and my favorite characters to date in the whole series: The Warriors of Hope.

I won't lie that I'm biased. I'm very biased for these guys. But I think a lot of people don't give these guys the credit they deserve considering this is a Japanese game. In Japan, child abuse is a bit of a taboo topic (that thankfully has been resolving over time). Due to the nature of Japan's politeness system and "family above all else" attitude, many child abuse cases not only go unreported, but are flat out ignored. The epidemic of babies dying in coin-operated lockers being an especially egregious example of rampant child abuse that occurred. Despite being prevalent since 1971, it took till 1993 to be socially addressed.

This is just one example, but I think it serves my point: child abuse is/was an issue in Japan when it comes to socially speaking of it. ( In fact, in the game itself, Nagisa and Kotoko both directly say they tried to reach out and get help, but were ignored by adults). This is why art regarding child abuse is so important. And that's why a huge series like Danganronpa centering a game about child abuse is such a huge deal. It sparks discussion and promotes visibility of the topic. Not to say media before hadn't talked about it - in fact, there is a lot of Japanese media about child abuse for this very reason - but that does not undermine the importance of Danganronpa deciding to portray it so openly. It is even more important, to me, that they do not stop at physical or sexual abuse. Rather, abuse focused on verbal harm and emotional neglect are portrayed as being just as damaging, which is one of the most overlooked and underplayed forms of abuse in general.

Their portray of abuse also is rather accurate. I will make a confession: I was definitely a bit too young to play danganronpa when I did. Definitely not 18 yet. But I was a teen, and very aware of different types of abuse, sexual abuse included. But despite all the PSAs, books I had read on my own or even ones assigned to me for classes, I had never seen a sexual assault victim be portrayed as hypersexual before. In fact, I didn't even know such a thing was possible. Yes, it is very, very likely I just got Komaeda levels of unlucky to not encounter that in any of my reading or research material at the time, but I think it's common, nonetheless, that people to this day still have the misconception that sexual abuse victims are all afraid of sex or anything sexual. While that is true for some, many people are now becoming more aware that sexual abuse survivors can often display hypersexual tendencies. In this way, I DID learn a lot about the effects of sexual abuse based on how Kotoko acted, and was able to do my own research from there to learn more. Furthermore, the game is good at portraying things like specific triggers in the form of words, smells, items, or specific phrases. Again, I feel it's mostly stereotyped that most triggers are objects that "make sense" like cigarettes or alcohol (much like with what Masaru was afflicted with). But the game made sure to include ones that were "non conventional" like specific words ("gentle" in Kotoko's case) and portrayed both triggers, no matter how common or uncommon, as equally severe. The game also shows negative effects child abuse can have on those around the children. After all, the WoH would not be doing the things they were doing if it weren't for how they were treated in the first place.

(Aside: This is particularly WHY I get so mad when people hate on DR:AE for being "icky". If you are personally uncomfortable with topics of child abuse, that is wholly reasonable and you do not have to play or even like a game that centers on that. You are in your full right and perfectly valid to say "I think this is gross and uncomfortable, therefore I do not like it" or "I don't like this game because I felt personally overlooked/triggered by it" or "I don't like this game because I felt it was not fun or well written". But to say it is objectively "problematic" or "disgusting" to have a game like this exist? That is just spitting in the face of people trying to advocate for visibility of child abuse. You are doing nothing but making people like myself who felt vindicated, seen, or educated by this game like bad guys. Sincerely, please do not call a game that does not shy away from the uncomfortable realities of child abuse "problematic" based on that alone.)

(Aside aside: there are "problematic" elements in the game and things to criticize as is true of all media. The Kotoko minigame I would say is the biggest "why is this in here" moment and is definitely just a fan service scene. I don't like it either. This does not mean the game itself and as a whole is valueless or bad.)

That leads into my next point: I love how morally gray the "good" and "bad" guys are. The WoH aren't doing what they're doing (save Monaca) because they want to hurt people for the lolz (though they have fun with it, as kids would). They think what they're doing is genuinely good. It's a good way to rival Junko, who knew she was evil and batshit crazy, but didn't care. These kids think they are helping children and keeping them safe. And they're kids - young kids can't really think in very complex manners. If you were treated horribly by most adults in your life, and your peers were as well and shared the same sentiments as you, you would be 100% convinced your convictions were righteous then. Hell, I've met adults that think this way (pretty much all extremists who think anyone part of x group, race, gender, religion, etc is evil). A kid thinking this way is very realistic. They are also all different levels of "morally gray". Nagisa, for example, ends up helping Komaru because he feels that a paradise for children is more important than the sole idea of killing all adults. Meanwhile, Monaca, perhaps because of the abuse she suffered all her life, has become a person that we can assume will just enact similar abusive tactics on everyone around her till the day she dies. While it's a misconception that people who suffer abuse often turn into abusers themselves (they simply just have a higher chance to commit crimes, anything from petty crimes to violent ones) there are undoubtedly cases where this does happen. A real life example is Douglas Spinx (HUGE TW; CSA & BESTIALITY). My point is: the portrayal of abuse victims in many different lights from people who can inflict harm unintentionally but with help and intervention can make recoveries to those who, in the rarest and saddest of cases, will turn to a full life of inflicting harm on others intentionally, is important - for someone like me, at least. Without the proper care or attention, horrible things like these can happen. I find this a very important thing to be open about.

Then we have Haiji. Haiji is supposed to be a "good guy". He's cowardly, yes, but he does fight to help the adults being killed. He attempts to bolster moral. But...despite having good intentions and even doing some good things, he's kind of horrible. After all, he's the one who contributed to Monaca's abuse and made her the way she is now. He's just like the kids except reversed; he thinks all children are evil because they're the ones killing everyone. And in his position, I do think most people would feel that way. I mean, if literally every kid in your area was wearing a helmet that turned them fuckin murderous and were killing all your friends and family would you, after enduring months of this, still bother to be like "not all kids though!". Likely not. Even though it is wrong, it is still a realistic way these things would pan out, much like how it did for the WoH. I mean, for a real life example, one need not look further than one of those extremist radical feminist blogs here on Tumblr that believes every single person born male is a brute. Most of those people believe that way because they have personally been hurt by one or several males in their lives, and y'know, fear and pain leads to hate and all of that.

Speaking of, I like the brainwashing in this game far more than in DR3 the anime (spoilers for that later on but tbqh DR3 is not worth anyone's time). I never liked brainwashing as a trope - I feel it is lazy. However, in DR:AE and DR1 they're utilized pretty well. In DR1 it's literally glossed over as "does it really matter? The outcome is more important than the means" which considering DR1, moreso than any other game in the series, is a satire and is supposed to focus on absurdity, I think having the brainwashing LITERALLY be hand-waved as "eh, it just happened" makes a lot of sense thematically with the goofy writing. But as you know, as DR went on, it became more and more serious with itself (for...better and worse...) in DR:AE, I like how the brainwashing affects only the nameless children. DR3's anime was lazy by having all the main characters get brainwashed by a funny little video, both in future&despair arc. In AE, it's a helmet. I think this makes much more sense as theoretically the helmet could be attached to the actual brains of these people. Plus, as said in the game, they blow up when the controller is destroyed, giving credence to that theory. The brainwashing in AE is not a vehicle to explain why main characters act the way they do. Rather, it's just a device used to create background conflict/build up the main villains, leaving the main characters to be affected by persuasion and manipulation (the objectively better version of "brainwashing").

Circling back to the WoH, outside of their thorough portrayals of abuse and standings as "villains who think they are doing the right thing", they're just fun. Like, legit, I just think they're fun. Outside of their trauma, they aren't very complex, but that's the point. The game is a commentary about abuse and how it affects you, the people around you, and the world. The WoH are not the characters meant to be developed and complex entities who undergo deep changes - that is left to our protagonists. As most series with static characters do, they assign each member a core personality. Every Warrior of Hope has a number of traits influenced by this personality (the "sporty" one, the "smart" one, etc) that make them vastly different from each other, making them not only distinct but just fun to watch their personalities clash. After all, if they were not bonded by their trauma, they probably wouldn't be friends at all. it's honestly like a Teen Titans situation in that way, and I've always loved stuff like that. Of course, their personalities are also heavily influenced by their trauma, again a realistic depiction of how trauma can and will change who you are as a person and present itself in many facets of your actions.

I THINK that's all my MAIN points. Suffice to say, DR:AE is my favorite game in the series. I think it's the most fun, has the best character developments and dynamics, I think its story is the most emotional and deep-cutting, and it really spoke to me during a time that I needed something like this to reach me. I won't say it's the best DR game in terms of overall narrative (that honor goes to SDR2) but it comes close. And I know not everyone will feel the same way about this game that I do. Thanks for this ask; yet another reminder I need to do my bi-yearly replay of this game.

(Footnote so I don't get "so you hate waffles"'d: my bringing real-life examples into this is not to say those instances are exactly like what happens in the video game nor to say they are on the same level of importance. Obviously real life is far more important and complex than anything that could happen in a game. I only bring them up to support my points about certain aspects being realistic by using, well, real life examples.)