#these are longer than the ones i've seen posted anywhere before!?

[goatseb]

ROC 2022 ice baths 2/2

[ms-demeanor]

sex work is work, no problem with that, but spamming sex work absolutely everywhere now is not okay. bot or not, it is not okay to shove your probably fake/stolen tits or ass into everyone's face even where kids are. it is absolutely the lowest, cheapest trash doing that. are these people showing their barely covered up pussy to school kids on the street to maybe get a customer? because they are doing exactly that on the internet. if you cant find customers and need to lower yourself to std ridden junkey trash standards who missed the way and entitled themselves to begging for money outside trash town, zero support from me!

Yeah you really sound like someone who supports sex workers. That's what I always think when I hear people using words like "disease-ridden" and "junkie" - 'wow, that person must be SUCH an ally. braver than any US marine, thank you for your service, person who believes sex work is work but thinks STIs or drug addiction are 'trash'.'

So, point by point:

It's not absolutely everywhere. You don't see people trying to link their onlyfans on facebook most of the time (i've actually never seen it but i could believe it is happening, though it's not common because FB has real-name policies that are unfriendly to sex workers). You're unlikely to see fansly links as sidebar ads on cspan. People aren't linking their pages in the amazon reviews. You're seeing it "everywhere" because you're not going anywhere. Tell me you spend all your time on two to three platforms without telling me you spend all your time on two to three platforms. Instagram, tiktok, twitter, and tumblr are full of people who are promoting all kinds of brands and one of those kinds of brands is sex work.

Those are also all platforms that have age restrictions and behavior standards, and of all of them tumblr is the one that has the history of being the most openly sexual and the least connected to legal identities. People are linking to their diy porn because of the culture of these websites both currently and historically. I once posted a video on this website of me bringing myself to orgasm in a public bathroom stall then inserting a dildo into my vagina before I went on stage and performed a set with my band. I did it for free and for fun five years ago, the week before the porn ban hit.

What I'm saying here is that the culture of this website has a much longer history of openness about sex and sexuality and the visual presentation of sex than it does of being full of people who think teens shouldn't see nipples. This is an *extremely* reasonable place to post information linking to porn that you make and to use cute pictures of yourself to do so.

It's also really easy to tell that these people aren't bots or using stolen images because the whole point of the live platform is that you can click through and go talk to them. Strange Aeons did just that and you can see what happened. (click on that video for a fun cameo at 6:04) Turns out live users are just a bunch of people (not networks stealing images the way that actual porn *bots* on tumblr do) and the ones who are trying to do sex work on the live platform itself get banned.

But also kids too young to see the occasional boob shouldn't be on tumblr! (like, seriously, define kids. what age is too young to see the kinds of images allowed by the tumblr live tos? how about the ones banned by the tumblr live tos? How old should you have to be before someone shows you an ahegao face on a hoodie in public? What should the punishment be for the ahegao fashionistas for exposing six year olds to anime tongues? What should the minimum age be to go on the beach and see men in speedos? Fifteen, or is that still abusive to children? Maybe we should make it twenty to be safe, or better yet why don't we make it twenty AND ban speedos? this is what you sound like, you fucking asshole). Tumblr has age limits and people under that age limit shouldn't be looking at most things on this website. A smiling woman in a bikini top or a dude with his abs out are fucking nothing compared to the kind of damage you personally and specifically are trying to inflict with your shitty ideas.

Posting t&a on tumblr is not at all comparable to doing street level work and soliciting children for a number of reasons, but I'd just like to really take the time to point out that you just compared the profile pics on tumblr live to sexually soliciting a child. You literally did the "x group i hate are pedophiles" thing, which is exactly why it's such a huge problem that any and all types of nudity have been stigmatized online. We have created an entirely new paradigm of "pedophile" that means "existed around a child while wearing tight pants." You are such a fucking clueless, sanctimonious pile of shit that you can't even see that that's what you're doing. This is literally, exactly kink at pride discourse.

And that's even if I grant you that these people are posting t&a! Go look at the live leaderboards, you don't have to accept the ToS to see the leaderboards! We are talking about *at most* saucy pin-up levels of eroticism. I have seen fucking holiday cards with more visible cleavage than any of the top 200 tumblr live streamers right now.

The only thing in your final sentence that makes any sense is that you are positioning tumblr as trash town.

Yeah. I'm actually not at all impressed by tumblr recently and that has a lot more to do with the influx or resurgence of nuance-allergic, anti-sex, whiny shits like you than it does with a banner that i can scroll past in a quarter of a second.

I want people reading this to really, really sit down and think about what they're calling assault or hypersexualiztion or whatever. We are talking about profile pictures. You are so offended by a bar of 4 profile pictures at the top of your dash that you're comparing regular ass humans (some of whom are sex workers and some of whom are just streamers who took thirst trap selfies) to the real life solicitation and abuse of children.

TOUCHING GRASS IS NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU PLEASE GO INTERACT WITH ACTUAL REAL HUMANS WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT DASHCON OR MILKSHAKE DUCK ARE. YOU ARE CRITICALLY INTERNET POISONED AND IF YOU TALKED TO SOMEONE AT THE DMV AND DESCRIBED IT AS ASSAULTING CHILDREN TO HAVE SOMEONE IN A BIKINI ON A BILLBOARD THEY WOULD IMMEDIATELY BEGIN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET AWAY FROM YOU. THINK OF THIS POST AS THE CARBON MONOXIDE DETECTOR TELLING YOU THAT THE SHADOWS YOU'RE SEEING AREN'T ACTUALLY DEMONS BUT THAT YOU ARE GOING TO REALLY REGRET IT IF YOU DON'T GO OUTSIDE.

[chelseasdagger]

Teacher

Frank Castle x Inexperienced F!Reader

Summary: Frank's a part of your friend group and invites you to hang out one day, unaware of your massive crush on him. During the visit, you let it slip that you're very inexperienced, and he offers to teach you everything you've missed out on.

Warnings: age gap (reader is in her early 20s), mentions of sex, drinking, and smoking

Author's Note: Oh my god! It's finally here, my first fic series! I've had this idea for months now and I've finally got the courage to write it out and post it. I wanna say a huge thank you to @chellestrash and @suitsofwo3 for their continuous support on this series! Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated :) Leave a comment or shoot me an ask!! I'd love to hear what you think!

Word Count: 5k

​​To say you had feelings for Frank Castle would be a gross understatement. It was truly nothing short of a schoolgirl crush, an all consuming infatuation that made you want him even more. Being anywhere near him made you feel like you were back in grade school with an uncontrollable flutter of butterflies in your stomach, and you knew you had to at least try and attempt to cease their movements.

But knowing and acting are two very different things, and you weren’t even sure if you wanted to stop them. Not when every smile he flashes your way makes them beat their tiny wings so fast that you feel weak in the knees. You knew logically it couldn’t end well, not with him being in your friend group, but you had a feeling you could keep up the friendly facade and not let it slip that your feelings for him are much more intense. 

After all, he’s confident, handsome, and much older than you. How hard could it be?

“How hard could it be,” you repeat, whispering to yourself in the car. Your eyes are trained on the road in front of you as you listen while your GPS navigates you through the city. Frank had invited you over to his place after the last get-together the group had, where you admitted to the fact that you hadn’t seen his, apparently, favorite movie from the ‘80s. It was almost too perfect of a setup and you curse the universe for planning it all. Of all the movies you haven’t seen, you had to confess to this one?

In your defense, it was nearly impossible to decline his offer when his charm flared up like it had that night. Boisterous laughter, crinkles by his eyes when he grinned, and a, “Come on, you’ve gotta see it!” that was so warm and welcoming it had you agreeing before you thought about the implications of that damn nod you gave him.

Thinking back on that night, you nearly miss your turn onto the road that leads to his apartment. You catch it just in time though and as the automated voice informs you that he lives on the left, the anxiety sets in. You begin to focus on your breathing and you find an open parking spot right next to his black van, exactly where he said there would be. Mentally thanking him for eliminating some of the pressure of finding where to park, you pull into the spot and look towards the door with the metal numbers of his address bolted on the plaque beside it.

Once the car is parked and the ignition is off, you close your eyes and inhale enough air until your chest puffs out. “It’s just Frank,” you reassure yourself, attempting to slow down your heart rate. It does little use as his face flashes in your mind when you speak his name, so you decide not to delay the meeting any longer.

With a dry mouth and fidgeting hands you make your way to his apartment, giving yourself one last full breath before raising your hand to knock on his door. Your knuckles sound out against the wood, and there’s only a second of silence before you hear a muffled, “Coming!”

The brief moment to plaster a relaxed smile on your face passes all too quickly and you’re suddenly met with Frank’s warm grin. Failing to ignore the way he’s leaning against the doorframe, you can’t help your eyes immediately glancing at his bicep as it stretches the fabric of his sleeve. You quickly force your gaze back to his face and give yourself a mental shake.

“Hey, kid, glad you could make it,” he greets you kindly. You’d be lying if you said the nickname he reserved for you wasn’t bittersweet. It made you feel special that it only left his lips in reference to you, but logically you knew it was because you were the youngest in the group. The truly bitter part was hearing it and feeling your heart sink that little bit lower; you wondered if he ever saw you as more, if you’d ever be able to satisfy your steadfast crush.

But those spiral sessions are best had at home, so you push away the thoughts and focus on spending time with him. All you’ve ever wanted was time alone with him and you’re not sure when you’ll get the chance again after today.

“Yeah, of course,” your genuine smile takes over, ”I had to see what all the fuss was about.” He chuckles at your joke before stepping aside, gesturing for you to come in. Squeezing past his body, you step into the living room of his home. It’s bigger than you expected, housing a sectional couch and wooden coffee table in the center. There’s also a large television mounted to the wall that’s clearly the main focus of the room. One sweatshirt and a lone blanket are draped on the back of the couch, making up the only clutter in the space. You don’t realize Frank is watching you take it all in until he gently clears his throat.

“Is it as glorious as you expected?” His voice sounds out from behind you and you turn to face him. There’s a smirk on his face and you find yourself chuckling to avoid shrinking into yourself.

“Just… different than I pictured is all,” you gesture vaguely to the open space of the room. There’s a scoff before he walks past you and towards the light grey couch.

“‘Clean’, you mean?” There’s a huff surrounding the question as he plops down onto the couch.

“Well…” you trail off, tilting your head to the side. A smile slowly takes over his face as you tease him.

“Make yourself comfortable,” he says as he pats the cushion of the couch. You follow his instruction, opting to keep one seat between the two of you. There’s a pause for a moment and you let your eyes wander to his thighs. His legs are slightly spread on the couch and it’s hard to ignore the way the fabric of his denim jeans are struggling to make room for the muscles of his thighs.

“So you really haven’t seen the greatest film of all time?” He begins again, disbelief clear in his tone. His voice makes your line of sight shoot back up to his face and it’s now your turn to wear a smile.

“You sure are creating a lot of hype for this movie. I hope it doesn’t disappoint,” you laugh softly. His eyes grow wide as a look of shock takes over his face.

“‘Disappoint’? You kiddin’ me? I’m pretty sure this movie paved the way for cinema.” He gets up excitedly, walking towards one of the thin bookshelves that frame the television. His fingers scan the titles quickly, trailing down the rows until he finds one. He pulls the case out from where it was sandwiched between the others before turning around to show it off with a wave of his hand.

“Made sure to rewind it for you yesterday.” You try to ignore the way your brain jumps to conclusions at those few words. The thoughts are loud, however, and you hear them despite your wishes. He really thought this ahead? Was he actually looking forward to seeing you?

Frank pulls the tape from out of its case and kneels down in front of the television. There’s a large, grey VCR lying on the ground and he gently pushes the tape past the small hinge, a tiny whirring sound escaping as it accepts the tape.

“God, I’m really showing my age here, aren’t I?” He nods towards the old technology on the wooden floor.

“I mean, I’ve seen my parents use them before,” you answer honestly.

“Jesus Christ,” he grumbles, bringing his palm to cover his face before dragging it down his cheeks. The giggle that escapes you is involuntary, he looks so cute each time you tease him. You love these moments and how effortless it is to joke around with him, unlike when your usually constant bashfulness is present. 

Once the tape is in, the static on the screen crackles to life and there’s a few seconds before the black fades into a dusty orange sky. As the opening scene begins to play, you feel like you recognize the actors’ names as they appear over the footage. Nothing immediately comes to mind though, so you ignore the nagging feeling of trying to place them and focus on the film.

That proves to be more difficult than you intended. Admittedly, all you can think about is his scent lingering in the space around you. It’s almost as if the couch is bathed in his smell and it feels as though you’re drowning in it in the best way. You halfway register the dialogue sounding out and decide to at least entertain the idea of paying attention. There’s a shot of the inside of an airport, and you watch as the word Diehard comes across the center of the screen. Chuckles erupt from you and Frank’s immediately turning to face you with a confused pout.

“You think Diehard is the greatest movie of all time?” Your words are unintentionally soaked in disbelief and you swear you can see his defensive guard come up.

“You tryna’ tell me it’s not?! Cause it’s clearly up there!”

“I don’t know, Frank,” you start. Each time the film is brought up around you, you hear that it’s either the best or it’s overrated. You just didn’t expect him to be this much of a fan.

“That’s right! You don’t know!” He seems proud of his argument and even laughs towards the end of his sentence. You shake your head as your smile begins to hurt your cheeks due to how long you’ve been wearing it for. He reaches for the old remote, its buttons faded with its age, and the screen halts to a stop as he presses pause.

“I’ll be right back,” Frank explains with a grunt as he pushes himself off of the couch. You turn and watch him walk to the kitchen, your eyes lingering on his broad shoulders and how they almost brush the open doorframe as he passes through it. Not wanting to let your thoughts continue any more down the path they’re already on, you force your attention back to the television and wait for him to return.

“Here you are,” his deep voice sounds out a moment later and you look up at him. He’s sitting down onto the couch cushion with the fingers of his right hand wrapped around the necks of two beer bottles. He stretches his arm towards you, offering one of the drinks and you’re distracted by the veins running up the inside of his forearm.

“What? S’there somethin’ wrong?” he asks confusedly, his own gaze glancing between your clasped hands and the bottles. You snap out of your trance and stare at the beers again, racking your brain for any excuse to use to decline the drink.

“No, thank you, I’m all good,” your voice comes out stiff. Real smooth, you curse yourself as you see Frank’s expression change. His eyebrows pull together as he tries to understand your sudden and strange behavior.

“So what’s your deal, huh?” he begins, setting the bottles down and leaning back into the couch. His entire body is turned towards you and it’s clear that you’re the new subject of the conversation. You swallow thickly, your nerves already acting up.

“Never seen you drink, never seen you smoke… Hell, I haven’t seen you do much of anything,” he continues, listing his examples off on each finger. “Why is that? You some goody two shoes or something?” he finishes with a raspy chuckle. He reaches for his beer, popping the lid off with the opener from the coffee table and taking a long sip as his eyes meet yours over the glass in his hand.

You wish you could come up with something, anything, to get you out of this situation before you’re forced to confess to him. You open your mouth, expecting your tongue to string the words together for you, but there’s nothing but silence in the room. Quickly, you begin grasping for an explanation, only to be left stuttering over your words. Frank’s eyebrows raise and there’s an amused smirk tugging at his lips as he puts his drink down again.

“Uh oh,” he laughs quietly, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. He squints at you, tilting his head to the side as his eyes flicker all around your face. “There’s somethin’ else there,” he whispers mostly to himself, “gotta tell me now, sweetheart.”

If none of this was enough to make your face grow warm, it certainly is now that you’ve heard the pet name leave his mouth. You feel as if you’re curling inward on yourself and you hate that the ground won’t show you mercy by opening up and swallowing you whole. Fidgeting with your fingers, you wonder if there’s any lie you can try and deliver confidently this time. But who are you kidding? You were never good at it, and it’s best to just rip off the bandaid.

With one last glance up at him, you see he’s not going to budge until he gets an answer, so you give him what he’s looking for. “Yeah, that’s… ‘my deal’,” you phrase his words in air quotes. “I haven’t really done, well, anything, and I don’t really know where to start,” you admit, still not looking him in the eyes. Frank nods as he lets your voice fill the air and you notice him making another curious face.

“When you say ‘anything’, what exactly do you mean?” he asks in a softer tone this time, no hint of teasing in his words. It’s then that you finally meet his brown eyes and see the kindness in their warm color. You bring in a deep breath and prepare yourself for the worst possible reaction to your following words.

“Um—,” you cut yourself off with a sigh, letting out all the air in your lungs and attempting to stall the embarrassment a moment longer. “Okay, like drinking, smoking, drugs…” you continue the list and watch him nod after each addition. “Never had sex, never—,”

“Bullshit,” his rumbly voice interrupts you, shaking his head in disbelief. The pout that forms on your lips is involuntary; you feared he wouldn’t have believed it, but you suppose it’s better than him teasing you. From the corner of your eyes you watch his lips part and his jaw go slack as he realizes what you said was the truth.

“Christ, you… you’re serious?” he questions as he looks at you in shock. You only nod silently, not sure how to continue from here. There’s a long pause where Frank is still as stone, remaining silent but seemingly trying to process the new information he’s discovered. The air feels so thick you worry that if you open your mouth to speak you’ll only choke.

The sound of a rumbly chuckle fills the air and you look up to see his wide smile. He’s dragging his palm down his mouth and rubbing his jaw as he shifts his hips forward and leans back into the cushions once more. You feel anger bubbling up and it quickly replaces the mortification that had been consuming you for the past few minutes.

“Screw you! I knew you wouldn’t have taken it seriously.” You cross your arms over your chest as you turn away from him. You felt stupid for sharing this with him, and now he has the audacity to laugh? Over something this personal?

“No, no, sweetheart, hey—,“ the pet name again does nothing to dull the burning under the skin of your cheeks. “I wasn’t teasing it’s just…,” he sighs heavily and shrugs his shoulders, “it’s a surprise, y’know?” 

As much as you want to stay upset with him, you’re not sure your resolve can last that long. You attempt to maintain your defensive position and don’t dare soften the angry glare you’re shooting at him.

“Oh, don’t give me that look,” he starts, but you don’t budge. “C’mon, I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting it, s’all. Kinda hard to believe, honestly.” Your head perks up at the last sentence and you shoot him a look of pure disbelief.

“Yeah, well… you’re obviously the only one who thinks that,” you mumble, the self-deprecating words falling past your lips before you even register them. Frank sighs deeply and you notice the way his eyes are flickering all around your face, presumably trying to gauge how upset you are.

“It’s not like I want this,” you huff, deflating into the couch, “but now it’s like even if I want to try stuff, I don’t know what I’m doing.” You begin picking at your fingers as the insecurity grows with his silence. “It’s like everybody did the crash course in high school and they have experience. I don't even know where to start…” As you trail off, the silence becomes deafening and you find yourself missing his laughter because at least that was something.

“Aaaaand I said too much. Sorry, it’s just something that’s frustrated me for years and… yeah,” you decide it’s better to end the conversation than wait on a reply that won’t come.

“You didn’t say too much,” he finally speaks up, and the weight on your chest begins to dissipate. “Was lettin’ you get it all out,” he explains. He holds his chin between his thumb and index finger, grazing his jaw lightly and tilting his head as he thinks over your confession. You find yourself subconsciously holding your breath as you prepare for the worst possible response he could give you.

“Said you didn’t know where to start, right? Why don’t we start with something small, hmm? How about that beer?” Frank nods his head once in the direction of the abandoned bottle he had grabbed for you. You eye it hesitantly and think over the worst that could happen. Coming up with virtually nothing, you nod back to him, deciding it would be one small victory to deal with today. 

As you wrap your fingers around the bottle, you raise your hand and turn to Frank. He mimics you, lifting his own in the air before clearing his throat.

“To…” he trails off, trying to come up with something as a cheer. His eyes drift off to somewhere else in the room, his lips parted as his eyebrows pull together. You can’t help the giggle that escapes you at his very serious thinking face. Not wanting him to hurt himself from racking his brain much longer, you speak up.

“To trying new things,” you say confidently, and the second the words leave your mouth you’re already regretting them. You physically wince at your word choice and now it’s Frank’s turn to stifle a laugh. “Yeah, that was pretty lame,” you admit to him. “Sounded better in my head.”

“Think it sounded perfect,” he replies before tilting his bottle towards you. You follow his lead as he brings the drink to his lips and you don’t think twice before tilting your own head back. The second the flavor hits your tongue you can feel your face scrunching up involuntarily. You bring the bottle away immediately and your lips purse at the taste in your mouth. Frank’s laughter rumbles out deep from his chest and you watch his Adam's apple bob as he swallows it down with no reaction. 

“Attagirl, one thing down. That wasn't too hard now was it?” he speaks once he’s brought the glass bottle away from his mouth. Thankfully, the nasty beer is enough to distract you from reacting to his praise.

“You didn’t tell me it tasted like piss!” you exclaim, wiping your mouth off with the back of your hand.

“This is actually one of the good ones,” you watch as he takes another swig. “But you’re right, it’s not all that great,” he admits before licking his lips and looking at you.

Any residual awkwardness you felt only moments before has all but vanished and you feel comfort just being here with him. You smile softly to yourself as you brush your thumb along the curved glass of the neck of the bottle.

“Thank you for this,” you speak up, “it feels nice to get something crossed off the list.”

“Any time, kid,” his voice is raspy and you try to dissuade your stomach from doing flips at his tone.

The smile on your face grows wider in the silence, feeling a small amount of pride bubbling in your chest knowing that you tried something new. It doesn’t seem like such a big feat once you’ve climbed over the hill, but there’s always been that fear that keeps you paralyzed and unable to even attempt to move forward. You truly meant your words, you’re thankful that he gave you that little push.

“Y’know, I could help… with the list, I mean.” You’re almost certain you’ve never felt your heart beat quite this hard before. Frank waits until your eyes have locked with his before he speaks slowly, carefully chooses his words as he continues. “O-Only if you want, obviously. Just… said you wish you knew how to do it the first time, right? So it wouldn’t be such a big deal?” You hesitantly nod, still not wanting to assume what he’s proposing until he explicitly says it.

“Yeah, so I figured we could have you practice? Make sure you know what you’re doing before you get out there,” he ends his sentence with a shrug, as if it’s the most nonchalant offer.

“What?” you desperately try to ignore the way your words shake slightly. “Like you’d teach me?” You can’t even help the incredulous tone your words are soaked in. You can hardly even fathom the idea of Frank Castle being the one to show you the ropes, much less actually acting those things out with him.

“Yeah? If that’s alright?” He smiles gently and you feel your body beginning to relax some. “Just… I saw how much it meant to you and I wanna help,” he explains further, and you swear you’ve never seen sincerity like the way it’s shining in his warm, brown eyes.

You swallow thickly as you think over his proposition. It feels like this is some sort of dream; you’re waiting for your alarm to ring out as your vision slowly fades, waking up in your bedroom alone. But no amount of pinching your skin will rip you from this moment. It feels too good to be true, but it’s happening regardless. He’s waiting on an answer and it’s honestly the best offer you could think of being handed to you on a silver platter.

“And hey, you absolutely don’t have to say—”

“Yes,” you finally decide. You can’t even believe you said it.

“You sure?” he asks again, his eyes flickering between your own. You think it’s sweet how he tries to make sure you’re certain of your decision. You smile widely as you nod at him, the butterflies returning to your stomach once again.

“Also, we don’t, like, have to have sex… just so you know. I know that’s a lot, but I can help with the stuff leading up to it?” You grin and nod again and Frank laughs lightly at your response. “Just wanna make sure you’re comfortable with it.”

“I am! I’m just excited, sorry,” you fidget with the hem of your shirt in an attempt to channel all the newfound energy elsewhere. Frank’s chuckle grows louder and you wonder if you imagined the soft “cute” that was muttered under his breath.

“So…” he speaks up and you turn to face him completely. “How would you feel about crossin’ something else off the list?” You nod immediately as all the nervousness from before switches to excitement while it courses through you.

“Okay…” he laughs softly at your quick reaction. “Let’s see,” he pauses for a moment as he thinks before his eyes light up with an idea. “You ever been kissed?” You feel the familiar shyness creeping up again, but you choose to push it back down. Instead, you just softly shake your head and watch as he nods in understanding.

“You want to try it?” he asks, his lips curling into a smirk. You hum an agreement and watch as he moves a bit closer to you on the couch. Once again you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, for this to be some sort of joke. But Frank only waits for you to take the initiative to close the space between the two of you.

Now that you’re facing each other on the couch, you can feel your heart pounding against your ribcage as you wait for him to make the first move. He smiles reassuringly before raising his hand and cradling the side of your neck. His thumb brushes your cheek as his long fingers curl around the back, holding you gently in place.

“You sure you want this?” he confirms. Again, you nod eagerly.

“I gotta hear you say it, sweetheart. That’s my rule,” he explains.

“Oh…” you whisper as you glance between his eyes and his lips, “yes.” You feel your heart swelling at the fact that he wants to make sure you truly want what he’s offering. His eyes are fixed on your mouth, muttering one last, “Okay,” before leaning forward.

The second his lips touch yours, you’re surprised at how soft they are. He’s gentle with his movements and softly sucks your lower lip between his own. It only takes a moment for you to kiss him back, careful to only mimic his actions and still let him lead. The kiss is warm and sweet and you feel the blood rushing through your cheeks and tingling down your neck. His thumb catches your bottom lip and pulls it down slowly, breaking the kiss. Frank breathes gently as he licks his lips, his eyes flickering between yours.

“How was that?” he asks, his breath fanning over your mouth as he speaks.

“It was good. I-I liked it,” you smile sheepishly, subconsciously pulling your bottom lip between your teeth to savor the feeling.

“Yeah?” he tilts his head as the question leaves his mouth, his eyes squinting as he glances from your eyes to your mouth. You once again nod before you even think to do it.

“Alright, now I wanna give you a real one.”

“A real one?” you pout and stare at him confusedly.

He only smirks before leaning forward again, pressing his lips to yours harder. This time, his palm guides your jaw to tilt your head back as he deepens the kiss. The stubble lining his jaw scratches at your cheeks, and the prickling has you melting under his touch. You try your best to keep up, but his scent feels like it’s truly suffocating you now; you can hardly kiss him back with how overwhelmed you are. The next thing you register is the wet heat of his tongue brushing along your bottom lip, slowly tracing the shape before he pushes it inside your mouth. His tongue glides against your own and there's a small moan that escapes from your throat.

All too soon his lips leave yours and you open your eyes at the loss of contact. Frank’s own eyes are still shut and you watch as he clenches his jaw, almost as if he’s holding himself back from something.

“Are you okay?” you ask gently, worried you messed up somehow.

“Yeah… just, that was the sweetest god damn thing I’ve heard.” His voice is so deep it sends a shiver down your spine. Out of all the times you’ve dreamt of having your first kiss, you never thought it would’ve been that good. And to think, an impulse decision to watch a movie with him led you to this plan to gain experience. You find yourself already missing the feeling of his tongue, of the scratch that his stubble gave when he deepened the kiss.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” he knocks your knee softly with his own, attempting to grab your attention. “You’re being too quiet.”

“I just, well, I wanna do it again,” you admit, looking away nervously. In one sudden motion Frank tugs you into his lap and you yelp as you wrap your arms around his neck. He laughs softly as he stares up at you but doesn’t waste a second before kissing you even quicker than before. There’s only a few chances you can take to catch your breath because he hardly breaks the kiss. You never thought someone as attractive as him would want to kiss you this much, but confidence rushes through your body as his affection continues.

Frank’s mouth begins to wander, his lips finding new space that had otherwise been untouched. The corner of your mouth, your chin, your jaw—he never stops kissing you until he gets to your throat. From there, his lips part and he begins sucking on your neck. A shaky gasp leaves you as his teeth make purchase on your skin, softly biting before brushing his tongue over the mark.

“Done two new things,” he mutters, his lips moving around the words but never leaving your body. “How’s it feel?”

“I really like this,” you say breathlessly as you feel his teeth gently graze the sensitive skin of your neck. He hums into your throat, the vibration setting your skin alight before you finish your thought, “You can keep the beer though.”

Frank’s chuckle gets caught in his throat, resulting in the cutest snort you’ve ever heard. He presses soft kisses along your collarbone and looks up at you with sweet, brown eyes.

“Sure, kid, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

[cartierre]

GIUOCO PIANO | cl16

SOCIAL MEDIA!AU charles leclerc x latina!chess player!reader (fc: alexa demie)

part one: queen's gambit

♡ liked by 12,383 others

scuderiaferrariupdates Charles Leclerc arriving at the Albert Park Circuit without any special guest for the third race of the season in a row! Many speculate that there might be some troubles in paradise since he hasn't been seen with his long term girlfriend Y/N Y/L/N in quite a while.

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user1 please say sike right now ⤷ user2 unfortunately they haven't been seen in a really long time together

user3 wouldn't they put out a statement though if they're not dating aynmore? ⤷ user4 they don't have to or maybe the break up is fresh and none of them had found the time or words to do it yet ⤷ user5 sometimes actions speak louder than words

♡ liked by arthur_leclerc, carlossainz55, landonorris and 1,528,867 others

charles_leclerc some quiet before the racing begins here in melbourne, australia

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user6 WHERE IS MY GIRL Y/N ⤷ user7 mate i don't think she's coming this weekend ⤷ user8 if they broke up i'll flip the table

user9 y/n didn't even like or comment i'm actually in tears what is this ⤷ user10 at least they still follow each other?

user11 i cannot do this any longer, i just want to know what happened to y/n

♡ liked by 13,483 others

scuderiaferrariupdates Charles Leclerc is arriving yet again on his own at the Baku City Circuit in Azerbaijan. This is the fourth time and the fourth race of the season where his girlfriend, Y/N Y/L/N, hasn't been spotted anywhere. Is this the confirmation of their break up?

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user12 i just can't believe y/n would be so careless as to not come to his races, or even post about them ⤷ user13 she either really doesn't care anymore or they did break up and we're all just in denial

user14 i just know y/n's friends are fighting right now on who gets charles next ⤷ user15 noooo i laughed but it's not funny ⤷ user16 i thought y/n was charles breaking the homie hopping cicle

♡ liked by charles_leclerc, magnus_carlsen and 463,931 others

yourusername there's a lot to announce so hold on to something. the reason i've been MIA the past few months was the world chess championship. i've been isolating myself with mentors in a hotel to study and practice for my matches to prepare for the championship. a huge thank you to all the people that have helped me, motivated me and encouraged me my whole career to never give up on myself, they're the reason i can call myself a chess world champion now. a special thank you to magnus_carlsen who didn't defend his title this year and was able to guide me throughout our sessions together, i wouldn't be where i am today without your guidance. another massive thank you to my fiancé and the love of my life, charles. Mi corazón (my heart), you've been so patient with me the last months, kept calling me despite my heavy mood swings and motivated me as much as you could. i'm so sorry i couldn't attend any of your races this year so far, but i promise i won't leave you alone for any longer. especially now that we have a big adventure to join soon, parenthood, you won't get rid of us so easily! te amo, gracias ❤️ (i love you, thank you)

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[prettyboyjohnny]

JOHNNY VOICE LINE TRANSCRIPT 🥩

I wrote these out a long time ago but never posted them anywhere! Based on [x].

>Nancy's voicelines<

Notes:

• I could've copied the game subtitles, but I didn't 'cause they suck.

• I haven't played enough Johnny to know where some of these lines start and end. Please let me know if I've made any mistakes in that regard!

• I was gonna include tone indicators, but tone is subjective. No one wants me to mark the Feed Grandpa voice lines as "Flirty."

Thanks!

VOICELINES

Encounter Start

Now look at this! Somebody's ready to fight!

This is gonna end... Very badly for you.

Yeah-ha-ha! Oh, that's it! Hit me...

Imma gut every single one of y'all! [Inhales, laughs under breath] Come on... Come on!

Exit interaction

Nobody leaves until I say so!

Ain't nobody leavin' just yet!

Got it.

Nobody's leavin' alive! Y'all not fast enough! ... Good try, though.

Feed Grandpa

Get your fill, old man.

It always tastes best when it's fresh, don't it?

Here you go, old man.

You're lookin' better already... Now help us!

Oh, you're thirsty today.

Victim found

HA HA! It's playtime!

Heh heh, it's playtime...

Hahahaha, I always find 'em!

You should know better than that! ... Come on out, now.

Hey there! [Laughs]

Well! Look who we got here! [Laughs]

Hit victim

Oh! Now I got ya!

Yeah! Take it! Take it!

It's better if you die right quick! Trust me!

This would be simpler if you would sit still!

Yeah! You gonna be leakin' after that hit.

Idle

Nobody escapes me.

How the hell did those kids find us? [Sighs] I should've been more careful.

If Grandpa was able, this would be over by now... I better go feed him.

Damn it, Johnny... Get your head straight! Come on, now!

I gotta fix this... Now!

Cook seen

I'd watch that tongue of yours, old man... It might go missin' one day.

I thought you knew how to run this household... THIS is a mess!

Damn it, old man! Put those ears of yours to use already!

Where are they?! How the hell did they get loose?! I can't fix this by myself, old man.

Stop barkin' orders at me! You ain't gonna like the results.

Hitchhiker seen

Surround the property with some of those traps already! This is getting outta hand fast!

You're one shifty little sumbitch... I'll give you that. [Laughs]

How you make those weird ass traps of yours, anyway?

Would you. Settle. The Hell. Down already. You're scattering all over the dang place. We gotta focus!

Grandpa is gonna tan our hides if we let them get away. Spread out!

Leatherface seen

That's it, boy... Go kill someone now.

Go on, put that saw to use, big boy! What're you waitin' on?

If I were you, I'd go and check out Grandpa. We're gonna need his help!

Let's go now, boy! Grandpa ain't gonna be too pleased if you let them escape.

Just get outta my way, boy... I'll show you how real killin's done.

Sissy seen

Are you gonna help me out, or just stand there lookin' pretty?

If it ain't askin' too much, before you go and run off again, would you mind helpin' me out?

Before you go runnin' off with those back-house hippies again... Can you PLEASE find these damn kids?!

Sissy, what the hell're you waitin' on? Get to it!

Sissy... Are you even listenin' to me? What's goin' on in that head of yours?! Damn!

Lose enemy first

Aww, you leavin' so soon?

It's alright, big boy's gonna be wearing your face soon enough... After I'm done with you, that is. [Laughs]

You know... I was actually kinda fond of that girl, I-I didn't really wanna hurt 'er... But, as they say... Family first, y'know?

You ever watch someone die? Oh... You ain't never quite the same after that, lemme tell ya.

Ohohoh, you can run all you want... It ain't gonna matter much longer.

Lose enemy sub

[Scoffs] You're all gurgle and no guts! I thought you were tougher than that!

I'm gonna find you... I will! I promise!

You wanna know how your friend died? I can show you!

L-Listen now! E-Everybody's time comes eventually!

The bad man's in me... And you gonna meet 'im real soon!

Lose enemy long

Your little friend put up a better fight than this... Come on... Make it interesting, will ya?!

They always try to hide... It's always the same game... [Laughs]

You folks don't know who you messin' with! Nobody ever gets away from me.

You're just delayin' the inevitable! YOU HEAR ME?

Come on out now, let's play.

I got plenty of space in the cold room for you.

Match start

It's time. [Chuckles] Seems they've got some fight in 'em after all.

I knew I should've handled this myself... I'll fix it.

That's what I get for taking it easy on them. Time for them to join that little friend of theirs.

See blood trail

Oh, this is gonna be easy.

Hey, you okay? You seem to have lost a bit of blood!

Now... let's see where you scurried off to.

You know... Bleedin' like that ain't gonna help your cause!

Don't bleed out on me yet! I need you awake!

See enemy first

Don't worry. I like it when they run.

Look, you're gonna want this to end fast. Trust me on that.

Well, don't run! I just wanna see how it feels.

There you are! [Chuckles] You kinda remind me of your little friend.

See enemy sub

This is pointless, you know. Quit stallin'.

Don't worry... I'll find ya.

[Growls] I'm gonna see your insides before this night's through!

Oh, you ain't gettin' away! I'm keepin' you.

Come on back, now.

Got something I wanna show you! [Laugh]

See family member

Well! Look who decided to lend a hand!

Check the doors and generator. We can't let them leave. You hear me?

Y'all need to start pullin' your weight around here. This is gettin' old!

Grandpa's gonna be in a fit if we let them escape. Start searchin'!

Would y'all... Help me already. PLEASE!

See trapped victim

We gotcha! [Laughs]

You ready to meet the bad man?

You got one!

Looks like you might be hurtin'. Might wanna be watchin' where you're steppin'.

[Laughs]

See victim escape

Maybe I can still catch 'em. Yeah, down by the tracks.

Damn... They're free... For now.

This isn't gonna be good.

Damn it, Johnny! [Scoffs] ... The old man's gonna be riled up now.

Use ability blocked

Ain't no tracks here...

Nah... got nothin'.

Better wait a minute.

Not quite yet ... [Inhales] Almost ready.

Use ability

Time to play. Now... Where did you go?

I'll find ya. Don't you worry about that.

Go ahead and hide... It ain't gonna matter.

Where'd y'all run off to?

Use ability success

[Hums] ... There you are.

They always leave a trail. Always so careless. [Chuckles, inhales] ... This is too easy.

I'm on your tail now!

Execution

You're gonna look real nice... Next to that friend of yours!

That's it... Die for me!

This... Is only gonna hurt... For a minute!

You should've never came here lookin' for that girl!

You ain't gettin' away! I'm keepin' you!

[Last edited March 2024]

[a-very-sparkly-nerd]

i'm grateful you're my daughter more than anything

Post 6x09, Runaan finds Rayla as she takes care of Callum. She's changed, and he couldn't be a prouder father.

Felt cute might put up on ao3 later :b

The first moment they had alone was in the dead of the night, moon high above the Nexus. It felt fitting, almost full-circle.

On his way down the hall to the library, to get parchment to send a letter to Ethari explaining what could never truly be explained, at least not fully, Runaan spotted Rayla slipping down the hall, footsteps light and quick as a true assassin's, despite how opposite of one she was, a steaming teacup on a little plate in her hands.

She looked up when she heard him, smiling a little as her low ponytail swung. "Runaan. ...Hey." She cleared her throat. "How- how are you feeling?"

He shrugged in the enormously oversized nightshirt the lumberjack human, Allen, had lent him. It was off-putting, being out of his form-fitting, safe garb, especially in this strange, unknown place he should very well have felt relaxed in- a full moon, at the Moon Nexus, but all Runaan could feel was... odd. "As good as one can, I suppose. How are you, though? How is your human? Clem- Camel? Stop me when I get it right-"

She laughed, and it wasn't a snarky one he'd grown so accustomed to. "Callum." A smile ticked her lips upwards at his name. "His name's Callum. And he's-" Rayla looked away to the wall, the little table she elected to set the tea down on, anywhere but him. "He's okay. I think. Mostly in shock. But he'll get through it." The unspoken words hung in the air, a truth both of them hated knowing: What other choice does he have?

"He's got you," Runaan offered, drawing closer. "That's pretty damn good."

She laughed again, a real, merry one, despite the bitter undertones. "Yeah. Some cuddles and tea are all I can do until morning. Bright and early, we go to Katolis." She made a face, and at least that was the same- her utter hatred of mornings.

Just like that, Runaan found himself relaxing just a little more into her presence. No longer a little girl he felt the need to protect- Well, she would always be that, his beloved daughter once he started acting like it, but someone he trusted to have his back. Even with how much she'd changed, not everything had.

"I will be up with the sun," he promised, and she looked away. That had just been one more thing setting her apart from the rest back at the Silvergrove, during training: her adamant refusal to awaken at the crack of dawn for early-morning runs and sparring.

Good. Please, let her never be like the Silvergrove, Runaan prayed now, just as he had so many moons ago with Ethari after Lain and Tiadrin left. Let her never have the hardened heart of an assassin, the only ones the community would spare the time of day. She had an out, and one look at her and Callum was enough for Runaan to know that she'd take it and never look back.

"Well, I should get this to Callum," Rayla said awkwardly, stilted, moving to take the cup, but Runaan stopped her with a gentle touch to her wrist. "Rayla, wait." Gentle, the way he'd be with Ethari. Because this was his daughter, not a member of his troupe or someone under his jurisdiction. His family.

She pursed her lips slightly and shook her loose bangs out of her eyes, and Runaan couldn't help but remember back to her parents. She was the perfect combination of them, with Lain's braids and horns, Tiadrin's nose and face shape, and her lavender eyes unique only to her. Setting her apart. "Yeah?"

He drew his hand back. "I've never seen you like this," he said, admittedly curiously.

Rayla tilted her head, questioning kindly rather than the abrasive, aggressive way she'd always done before. "Like what?"

"Giving," Runaan said, because that was the first word that came to him. Rayla had always been kind and generous and loving, no matter how she'd hated to show it. "Kind. Loving. Happy."

She took a hesitant step closer, reaching to rest her gentle, small hand on his upper arm, blinking furiously.

"It's a good look on you." He blinked his own tears away as she bit back a sob-ridden laugh. "The best one."

Rayla ducked her head, bangs swinging with the motion. "Thank you. That... It means a lot. So much."

Runaan clasped her hands, drinking the sight of his daughter in. So small physically, but larger than life. So, so loved and gorgeous, inside and out, and he was sure her human made sure she knew it, too.

"You have a beautiful heart, Rayla," he said eventually, softly. "The most gorgeous I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. My worst regret is trying to burn it away instead of nurturing it. And for that..." A hand found its way to lay over his heart, bringing a sniffling Rayla’s with it. "I am truly sorry."

"Runaan..." She shook her head, reaching up to wipe away his tears, and they were the softest fingertips Runaan could remember, his own and Ethari's so calloused and rough. And here was Rayla, giving and gentle. The daughter he'd always dreamed of but never deserved. "Don't," she said firmly. "It was my choice. My choices. I had to find my way here on my own. In the end..." She glanced back down the hall, to the closed door that the boy she loved more than life rested behind. "I like where it got me. I'm glad I'm here."

"Rayla..." Runaan tucked her hair behind her ears, pressing their foreheads together. "I don't know what it means to you, but I am so proud of you. I love you, Little Blade. You are my daughter. I only hope you'll let me be your father."

Rayla threw her arms around him, sending him stumbling back in shock, immediately holding her back. "Of course. I'd forgiven you a long time ago, Runaan. I'm so glad you're my father. You always will be. I love you."

And he'd already said it tonight, but Runaan had spent far too much time hating and killing, and not nearly enough loving. So he hugged her back, whispering, "I love you, too."

[herejusttosufferalong]

I've been a Lukola shipper since last year, and I've been reading all the male POVs. So, I decided to ask the dudes in my life about this whole situation. I talked to some of my male BFFs and my brother. I'll start with what my brother, who's 15 (I'm 19), had to say.

Over the past three days, I showed him most of the interviews, especially the unhinged ones, all the hand-holding clips, Tif's edits, etc. Then I introduced him to the GF and gave him a brief rundown of all the antics - Instyle, NY and London premieres, Deuxmoi, pool pics, Milan, GQ.

Here’s what he thinks:

Luke and Nic LOVE each other. Luke probably loves her more, or maybe she's just better at hiding it. Nic is affectionate towards everyone, so it’s not as apparent. My brother thinks Nic is really funny and obviously beautiful, especially after watching her solo interviews like "9 Things I've Never Tried Before," ASMR, and accents.

Luke is being hot and cold. After I told him about the break after Brasil, he said that makes sense. It seems like whenever Luke goes back to his friends, he comes back acting like a dick. I showed him Luke's hot boy summer phase and the NYE video of them dancing. He said Luke acts like a dick when he's with his friends, especially Rory, who seems like the leader. He even noticed Tom and said Luke should hang out with him more. When I mentioned Rory breaking up with his GF and now dating Sienna (who's 23), he immediately clocked it and said, “Wow, Lukey did the same.” In a very not impressed tone. I couldn't stop laughing.

Nothing happened in Brasil. My brother thinks Nic would never do anything shady. The interviewers and overall vibes of Brasil were super chill, so Luke let himself loose a bit. However Nic seemed the same, maybe a little more giggly.

NY and London premieres:

NY: They looked fine, but Luke seemed pissed for some reason. The hand moment was insane. He thinks the GF blindsided Nic and set up the videos of them hugging, because why aren’t there videos of others?

London: Nic seemed a little wary, and Luke looked downbad. Luke T and Nic either need to work together or date, or both, because they're cute. Simone is definitely a shipper. He also thinks Golda might be a shipper, but she seems to have clocked Luke’s shit and is side-eyeing, which he is too. The Deuxmoi stunt was dumb and embarrassing.

About A, R, and S:

Rory: Luke hangs onto Rory’s every word, so the GF might not be going anywhere as long as she's in the friend group. My brother hates Rory and thinks he's Luke’s constant during the hot boy summer phase. Rory wasn't seen much before that. Other Anons, is this true?

A: A is in the relationship for the perks. The Hailey Bieber cosplay is gross. My brother almost puked when I showed him the thread comparing A and HB’s outfits. A is obviously trolling the fans, which is boring.

S: He doesn’t think there’s anything nefarious going on with S, and it’s good for her that she’s going to Jack M's classes, but it’s weird that it's only happening now.

In conclusion, my brother thinks this whole thing is going to drag on for a lot longer, but that’s a huge maybe since Luke and Nic are coming back for S4. If Luke's friend group manages to infiltrate the sets, it won't matter much because everyone adores Nic and seems protective of her. A is going to stay as long as she can. Right now, my brother hates Luke and thinks he screwed up royally, even as a friend. It’s a bigger deal if there are non-platonic feelings involved. He wants to see Luke make a thank you post for S3, because that's the least he can do. Luke needs to figure his stuff out, and it seems like whenever he's on vacation, things just get worse. Basically, he needs to GET A JOB and things will sort themselves out.

Wow, that was a lot. Never thought my brother would be so mature!

Also can someone clarify if R was still such a huge part of L's life before his HBS?

Damn the 15 yo is smarter than some grown ass folk in the fandom lmao

LOVE x

[sluttysnowangel666]

Chapters 10, 11, & 12 of The Song of Blackwoods & Brackens

cw: smut, cursing, violence, vomiting

This story is written BY ME and I do not consent or give permission to it being posted or translated anywhere else. thank you for supporting your writers <3

find the other chapters here

Chapter 10: Shame, Shame, Shame

19 days before the battle of the burning mill

𐂃 𐂃 𐂃 𐂃

It had been days since I'd seen Benjicot.

The ache in my heart had not let up. I was so ashamed at how much of a fool I made of myself, and I felt as though I could no longer keep up the lie. But, each day I continued to go without seeing him was another day it felt as though my heart was going to shatter. I could not help the tears that began to stain my pillow every night.

After the incident at the brothel, I refused to return to the court yard along the border, instead training with Bracken men.

I also used the extra time to do duties a lord would do. Thankfully, Stone Henge did not have many. There were no council meetings to sit in on since my brother and uncle were gone, I did not need to clean as we had servants to do that, and I was not particularly keen on reading Bracken lineage. I had spent the last week lying around, thinking only of Benjicot and the night at the brothel.

Later in the day, I received word from my uncle who was only less than a week away from reaching King's Landing.

Dearest niece,

I will be arriving in King's Landing in less than half a fortnight. You are to still be preparing for your leave to Casterly Rock. Your brother will return immediately following our meeting with His Grace. When your brother arrives back to Stone Henge, go to Casterly Rock at once.

Uncle

Very short and sweet.

———

While I had been able to avoid Benjicot by hiding inside Bracken territory, I would no longer be able to during my border patrol.

The boy doing it prior had stepped into a divot along the stones and broke his ankle, when no other men volunteered to take his place, I had no choice but to step up.

I started my patrol in the early morning, usually around what time I trained with Benjicot. It was very early dawn, the sun not even peaking out the horizon. The sky was a deep, but not navy shade of blue. It was that time when it is most beautiful, most calm, most eerie. The birds quietly began to chirp, signaling the soon break of the sun. The bugs ceased their chirping, and the owls quieted their calls.

The air was so crisp and fresh. The humidity had not yet creeped its way in to make the lands stink of cattle. There was almost a chill in the air, and I embraced it. I could not help but wonder if I was stolen at birth by the Brackens. Perhaps, I was a true Northerner.

If only I were that fortunate.

"You!" A voice, filled with venom yells.

I whip my head, knowing immediately who it is. "Benji-"

"Training, and training, and training. Time I could be spending on my land, caring for MY people and instead I help you train. I help you train, even though you're a bloody lost cost. Then, you run away. Because you're too much of a whiny cunt to see the real world." He yells, panting by the end of it. "After all I've done... You could've just said you weren't coming back... You could've just said you weren't really my friend... I've waited here, day after day, night after night for you."

"Benji..."

"Don't call me that."

"I am your friend. I... I'm sorry I didn't come back. It wasn't your fault. I... I promise. I just got scared."

"Scared of what?" He asks. I hesitate. "Tell me... Aeron."

He's giving me my chance... But, I can't do it. I can't tell him.

"I'm just... not ready to be a lord. I'm not ready for all the responsibilities that come with it. It all felt too real. It all hit me when we were there... at the brothel."

"Must I train you on how to be a lord as well?" He asks, sarcastically, but I can tell he likely means it.

"Maybe." I chuckle, "I'm sorry..."

"It will be dark for one more hour." He says, "Let's pick up where we left off."

——————

Chapter 11: The Dornish Wine

cw: talks of smut but no actual, vomiting

12 days before the battle of the burning mill

𐂃 𐂃 𐂃 𐂃

"You're really improving, Bracken."

I nearly melt into a puddle at Benjicot's sweet words. They were few and far in between, so I always made a point to savor them when they seldomly occurred.

"I've been practicing that trick you taught me."

Since Benjicot and I's argument from last week we had managed to put it behind us, focusing only on our training.

At least during the day.

At night, Benjicot took us exploring.

After the incident at the brothel, I knew I was beginning to tread a fine line. Because of that, I had to make sure I was playing my part full heartedly to not around any more suspicions from Ben.

I kissed maidens, I fondled them, I wove my fingers through their hair, and wove my tongues past their lips. Perhaps one day, the lips I kissed would stop being brothel maiden's and become Benjicot's instead.

I was growing obsessed with him. Each day we spent training, each night we spent drinking, we grew closer and closer; physically and emotionally.

He knocked me down, he pulled me up, he bought our drinks, filled our cups. I found myself getting lost in his eyes, entangled in the words that spilled from his honey coated lips.

"Bracken." His voice breaks my trance.

"Huh?"

"I said ready your sword."

"Oh, sorry." I say. He smiles softly.

"Where'd you go?" He asks.

I pause, "Uh... nowhere. Sorry. Thinking about tonight, I guess."

"Oh, about that. Let's skip the brothel tonight. A shipment of Dornish wine just came in. It's a little sweet for my taste but does the job better than the watered down brothel ale." He says, a small blush coming across his cheeks.

I giggle softly, "Okay. By the weirwood again?"

"No. Meet me by the boundary stones tonight." He says, he turns around facing away from me, and in a swift motion he turns right back around wielding his sword.

I block it and force him backwards, laughing and swinging to land the blow. We fight with our swords, laughing and kicking our feet at each other.

"You're a fool." I say to him, and he laughs.

Our walks to and from our training spot used to be quiet and tense. Now, during the entire hour we spent walking we found new things to talk about.

Today, however, he began asking about me.

The real me.

"I've never heard much of your sister. For a long time I didn't know you had one." He said, as we trekked through the weeds and sticks back to our lands.

"Oh, yeah. We're twins actually."

"No shit." He says, but as more of a statement rather than a question. "What's she like?"

"Oh, you know how high born ladies are," I begin my lie, "They sew and they swoon and they... you know, whatever else it is they do."

"Hm." He doesn't believe me. "And your sister is one those high born ladies?"

"Yes." I say, attempting to end the conversation. But, he continues.

"What's her name?"

"Why do you care?" I ask, sharply. He shrugs, smirking smugly.

I sigh, "Y/N."

It almost feels good saying it out loud.

"Is she a hostage?"

"No. What? Why the bloody hell would you ask that?"

"I've never seen her. I don't fully believe she exists."

"Maybe she doesn't."

"Hm." He hums, "The forgotten Bracken daughter. Useful only when it's time to be sold off to the highest paying lord."

I say nothing. Neither does he.

We arrive back at the boundary stones, the last 10 minutes of the walk had been quiet after that conversation ended.

"Be back here tonight. About one hour after dusk."

Then, he turns and leaves.

———

I sit in the dark upon the boundary stones, kicking my feet back and forth against them. His words echoed in my mind. I was upset, angry. They were painfully true.

My brother would be returning soon, likely within the fortnight. And after that, I would never see Benjicot again.

"Bracken." I turn and see Benjicot, holding up a large flagon of wine. "Ready to see what the Dornish are made of?"

I laugh, my mind immediately forgetting my worries.

"Follow me." He says, and turns back to his land and starts walking.

"We're drinking on your land?" I ask.

"Scared?" He turns and asks with a smirk. He turns back around and keeps walking, not waiting to see if I'm following. I slowly trudge behind him, slightly afraid of someone noticing me. Bracken or Blackwood.

We didn't go very far thankfully. He lead me to a row of tents, likely meant for their army.

They weren't being used, so he brought me into the nicest one. It was large, filled with tables and weapons, as well as a few cots.

I laid back on one of the cots, and Benjicot took a seat upright on the one next to me, immediately drinking the flagon.

His face twisted at the sweetness before he handed it over to me. I drank and contorted mine as well, not yet used to the strong, sweet flavor. I coughed a little and cleared my throat. "Gods. They bloody know well how to make a fruity wine."

"On that much, we agree." He says, taking it back and taking another swig. "Let's play a game."

"A game?"

"A game." He affirms, "A Lannister taught me it."

I groaned, "Forget it, then. I hate Lannister's."

He smirks, "Any reason in particular?"

I sigh and take the wine, "No."

"Let's play then."

"Fine. What are the rules?"

"If I guess a fact correct about you, you drink. If I'm wrong, I drink."

"This sounds stupid."

"Indulge me." He says. I sigh, accepting defeat. He begins, "You're a virgin."

"That's not fair, you knew that already." I say as I take a drink.

"You... despise your family."

I sigh again, taking another drink.

"You love your twin... Much more than you let on."

I drink again, "Okay, it's your turn now, Blackwood."

He takes the bottle and stares at me intently.

"You... aren't a virgin." He drinks, and my heart sinks a bit. "Who was she?"

"That's not how the game works."

I repeat his words, "Indulge me."

"She was a high born girl who was passing through. My family hosted hers. We were young. We snuck into the woods. I took her maiden head."

"Is that why they call you Bloody Ben?" I ask, venom on my tongue.

He raises his eyebrows slightly, "No, it's not, and what do you care so much about it anyway? Are you jealous because you've never been with a lady?"

"No, now drink, because you were wrong about me being jealous."

"I won't drink because I know you're lying. Give me the next question."

"You don't like being called Bloody Ben."

"Wrong. I love it. Now drink." He says, pushing the bottle back towards me. My stomach begins to bubble, the sweetness starting to taste rancid each time it goes down.

"Your turn, again. You're rather shit at this game." He teases. "You don't like women."

I swallow, "Wrong."

"Don't lie." He says, firmly.

I drink. He smirks

"You believe in the true Queen." He says. I drink, the feeling growing worse and worse in my stomach. I feel all my day's indulgences beginning to rise in my throat.

"You're no true Bracken." He smirks.

For some reason, those words push me over the edge.

I vomit all over his legs. "Oh, seven hells, Bracken!" He curses.

"Fuck, I'm sorry." I manage to cough out. I turn and leave the tent as fast as I can.

For some reason I sprint, which doesn't help, and I don't get far.

I fall to my knees, vomiting more and more. I can't help but begin to cry. The embarrassment, the stress, the realization is too much to handle.

"Fucking seven!" I curse, sobbing on my hands and knees, drool spilling from my lips. The dark violet vomit from the fruity wine is all over me, and I reek of tangy and acidic fruit.

I feel a hand rest on my back. I know he probably just witnessed this whole thing, which doesn't help the embarrassment.

"Gods, Bracken, is there anything you can handle?" He asks, as I vomit more. More and more continues to come until I dry heave, the whole time Benjicot rubs his hand up and down my back.

"You're alright, you're alright." He drags me up, although I'm dead weight in his arms. I cry and cry and cry. And when he can't get me to stand on my feet, he drags me all the way back to the boundary stones.

We reach the boundary stones and he finally falls, sitting on the ground. 

He pulls me between his legs, placing his arms around me. He rests his chin on my shoulder, "Calm down, it's okay, Bracken."

"I don't wanna leave!" I drunkenly sob, "You're my best friend. Don't let them take me, Benji." I grip his arms, holding them close to me so they'll never leave me again.

"Sh, sh. I'm here." He hushes, and then sighs as if he chooses his next words carefully. "I think you're gonna be the death of me, little Bracken."

——————

Chapter 12: The Secret

cw: slight smut, more to come tho 🤫

(the moment we've all been waiting for, the slow burn is OVER)

𐂃 𐂃 𐂃 𐂃

-11 days ago-

I opened my eyes. Darkness enveloped my vision, but I could faintly see torches in the distance.

I groaned. My head was pounding, I was incredibly dizzy, and I'm sure if I had anything in my stomach I would have been vomiting it up.

A pained gasp left my lips as I sat up, which awoke Benji, who I hadn't even noticed was sitting directly behind me, his arms around me.

"Take it slow." He says, softly, his voice raspy from sleep.

"Gods," I managed to get out, my voice was hoarse from all the crying and vomiting. "What... Where are we?"

"Still at the stones. I dragged you here."

I turn and face him. We were dangerously close. "I am so, so sorry-"

"Don't apologize." He stands, a cold chill runs up my back where his warmth just was.

"About what I said-"

"I think we should get you home before you say anything else too complex for me to understand." He says. I nod.

He pulls me up slowly, the earth spinning beneath my feet. "You got it?"

I nod, but he keeps his arm hooked under my armpit anyway. It's good he did too, because I was lying. If he had let me go, I might not have gotten back up.

He basically carried me in near darkness all the way back to my castle, despite the risk of us getting caught.

We got to the door and I rested my weight onto the wall.

"Will you be okay from here?" He asks.

"Yes." I sigh, "Thank you, Ben."

He smiles, "I'll see you tomorrow. Be sure you rest well today."

I nod as I watch him turn and walk back to his lands, the sun slowly beginning to rise beyond him.

I don't know why but seeing him walk on my land, the sun gleaming beyond him yet brightening his dark curls... I felt hope.

———

Present

1 day before the battle of the burning mill

Benjicot, the sweetest boy, had managed to forget about my foolish actions again. He'd never brought up the night with the wine, never teased or made fun of me, and never mentioned how he held me in his arms as we fell asleep.

We continued our training in the day, but I was no longer invited out after dark. I can't say I blamed him for no longer wanting me in his company when it came to drinking.

In combat, I was improving greatly. So much to the point he wanted to pause on swordsmanship and train me with a bow and arrow.

"How do you know how to use one of these?" I ask as he pulls out a large wooden bow from the tent, the same one we drank in. Someone had cleaned up my mess, maybe even him.

"My aunt is one of the best in the seven kingdoms at using this." He said. "While I work better with a sword, I've been trained on this as well."

He hands me the bow. I run my fingers along the smooth wood, stopping to trace the Blackwood sigil carved in the middle. "It's beautiful."

He says nothing. He had been quiet the past week. I believed the reasoning to be he had heard the news of my house declaring for Aegon. I tried to avoid talks of politics with him, but he always brought them up, questioning my opinion specifically.

It hurt not hearing his voice as often as usual. Our walks had become quiet again. I was running out of time with him, as my brother would return in days.

He grabbed the quiver holding the arrows and walked past me, not even looking in my direction.

I followed him anyway, head lowered like a scorned little dog. His silence made me feel small. I knew he was displeased with me.

He walked towards the targets, removing old arrows from previous shooters.

His land was empty, save for us. Most men had gone inside for supper or to drink. The sun would be setting within a few short hours. No one had any reason to stay outside.

He takes, rather snatches, the bow from me. He pulls an arrow from his back, raises his arm, and hits the target right in the middle.

"Wow." I whisper quietly. He hands it back to me.

"Raise it." I pull it up and he guides me, "A little higher."

His hand rests under my elbow as he softly continues to guide my arm. "There. Now take your other hand..."

He grabs my hand and rests it on the string, adjusting my fingers to the necessary positions. "Arrow between these two fingers, when you're ready to shoot move the first one so the arrow glides without catching your finger."

He positions himself directly behind me. He's so close that his chest is against my back.

"I'll guide you for the first one." He says. He pulls the arrow and places it on the bow, his fingers rest on top of mine on the string.

He lowers himself so our faces are at the same level. His lips are right behind my ear. I can feel his breath against my hair.

"Pull back." He says softly. I'm losing my breath. I do as he says but my hands are shaking. He surely notices.

"Stop shaking." He grips my fingers slightly.

"Hold..." He says softly. I'm panting by this point. Gooseflesh covers my arms.

"Before you shoot, take it slow. Breathe in as you pull back, breathe out as you let go. Focus." He says, slowly and gently.

I do as he says, and he mimics my breathing. His hand gently leaves mine, and rests under my elbow that's cocked back.

"Think of it as an extension of you." He says, "You and the bow... are one."

I release, and the arrow flies.

Right into the center.

He steps back, and for the first time all week I see him smile at me.

"You're a natural."

I blush as he continues, "I should have known from the beginning when you should've been using your left hand."

He pauses, "You were never meant to wield a sword, but a bow."

"Ben, I-"

"We can work on that more tomorrow." He turns and walks back towards the tent, not giving me the chance to finish.

"Ben!" I run after him, struggling to keep up with his long strides, even though he's only walking.

He walks into the tent and I follow after him. I go to speak, but I can't. Nothing comes out.

My heart is racing. I feel so terribly, terribly nervous. I don't know why. Why do I feel so much dread?

He sets the bow on the long table and turns back to face me, resting his lower back against the table, awaiting whatever it is I have to say.

"I just wanted to thank you... for everything you've taught me." I say. He nods. "Um... I believe you've helped shape me into who I truly am."

He scoffs at that, I raise my eyebrow slightly, but continue anyway. "Today will be the last time we see each other... Lord Blackwood."

"Running back to Uncle Bracken when he returns? Gonna have him tuck you in and kiss your cock?" He says, rudely.

"I... what? What's your problem?"

"You're my problem, Bracken. You always have been."

"Then why'd you train me, for seven sake?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm just a bloody fucking fool."

"Do you want me to apologize then? I don't know what you want from me."

"I want you to fuck off and don't come back on my land."

I scoff, trying to hide the tears that well in my eyes. "You're unbelievable."

I turn and walk away, he pushes himself off the table and follows.

"Me?! Unbelievable?!" He yells. I go to lift the tent flap when he grabs my wrist, ripping me behind him.

I stumble back into the table where he just was. He steps closer and closer to me, until his chest is against mine, "You've got nerve. You might genuinely have balls, in fact, to call me unbelievable."

If I wasn't so concerned about how close he was to me, I might've noticed his choice of words. But my mind was running farther than I could catch it. I could only focus on the proximity, or lack thereof, between us.

"Unbelievable... You wanna know what I find unbelievable, Bracken?" He asks, softly, moving his lips beside my cheek so he can whisper into my ear. His hands place themselves beside me onto the table as he leans over me. "What I find unbelievable..."

He doesn't finish his sentence. He pulls away and looks at me.

He's silent. I'm silent. Everything is silent. There's no bugs, no owls, no animals. The only sound is our fast, breathless panting. Why's he panting? Why am I panting?

"Fucking forget it."

He slams his lips on mine, finally. Oh gods, finally. His hands move to my face, resting them on both of my cheeks. He pulls me into him, as if he is trying to merge us into one.

"Wait, Ben-" He keeps kissing me. "Hold on, Ben, there's something-" More kisses.

His hands weave through my hair, pushing my head towards him so I can only pull away for quick breaths.

I bite his lip, hard enough to draw blood. "Ow, fuck!"

I push him away, "I'm not who you think I am."

He's angry. He looks at the blood on his fingers from touching his lip. "You fucking..." He doesn't finish his sentence, even though usually insults come easy to him. He's holding back.

He shakes his head, licking the blood, and then he's kissing me again. "Ben, please, there's something you must know-"

"I know." He whispers quickly, going back to our heated kiss.

"No-" Kisses. "No, you don't-"

"I know." More kisses.

"Ben!" I yell, angrily. I push him off, "I'm not a man!"

I walk past him so he can't kiss me again. As bad as I want to, I can't do it. Not before I tell him. "I'm not Aeron Bracken-"

I barely get it out in time before I'm pressed against the wall, his chest pressed to my back. My cheek touches the soft cloth of the tent, and Ben snakes his fingers up my stomach to my jaw, gripping my cheeks into his fingers.

It feels like everything finally slows down, including him. "I know, Y/N." His voice is low, and raspy. I gasp at my name.

"What?! Ben?" I turn and face him. He cups my cheeks with his hands.

"I've always known." He says, "I knew from the moment I saw you crying on the ground at that courtyard."

"How?" I asked, shocked.

"How? Y/N, you weren't exactly subtle." He says, "But, it was entertaining. I wanted to see how long you would drag it out... But, I couldn't fucking wait for you anymore."

I slap him angrily, and he smirks at me. But gods, that smile. He was so hard to hate. "If you knew... Why didn't you fucking kiss me sooner?"

"So, I should have kissed you the moment I knew I wanted you? Despite the fact you've been lying to me for weeks?" He says, frustrated. "I wanted you to trust me enough to tell me on your own."

I don't say anything right away, because I know he's right. "I trust you with my life... I'm sorry I lied. You didn't deserve that."

"I don't care, Y/N." He kisses me again with desperation.

"This is so wrong." I say, reciprocating his kiss.

"I don't care." He repeats. He mumbles it into my neck over and over with soft kisses. I lean my head back to give him more access. Shivers run down my spine.

"Let me have you." He whispers in my neck, "I need you, little Bracken."

His hands grip my waist, ready to rip off my clothes the second I say the words.

"Take me, my lord."

[whatwewrotepodcast]

Equestrian Writing Resource

Hi everyone,

I've seen some how to write horses posts going around recently that contain some . . very not true things about horses. As a Certified Horse Girl TM I thought I might clarify a few things for any one out there wanting to write anything that includes horses.

My credentials are that I've been riding for as long as I remember, have owned horses for 15 years and currently compete at a state and national level in dressage.

Facts below the cut!

Travelling by horseback

Horses cannot gallop or even canter endlessly. This is something I see a lot of in movies and games and media like that. Even an extremely fit horse can only really gallop flat out for 10-15 minutes. A steady canter they can go for longer, but if you watch endurance races (where horses are ridden for 100s of kms over sometimes several days), the riders will mix periods of walk and trot to let the horses catch their breath and recover.

There are a couple of reasons for this. Horses do not have strong enough diaphragms to inflate their lungs fully. There are some cursed interior nonsenses going on here, but essentially at a gallop, a horse can only breathe once per stride. This means there is only a matter of time before they are no longer able to get enough oxygen to their muscles.

Which leads into the next thing . . .

Horses get hot easily and can struggle to cool down

Horses sweat, just like humans, but because of their mass, their interior temp can get very high and may need assistance to be brought down. That's why at the end of a cross country course (where horses are galloping for anywhere between 5-12 minutes and jumping fences) they often have buckets of water thrown on them to help them cool down.

A well trained horse can be ridden by anyone

I've seen some posts around recently that said that horses will try and throw off unfamiliar riders and that you can't ride a horse who doesn't know you. This is . . . ridiculous. If your horse has been trained properly anyone can get on and ride it. Ride it well? Maybe not, but if the person is a good rider they'll be able to do the basics. I've ridden my friends horses, and they've ridden my horse. I've put an 8 year old on my horse and let her walk around. If you horse is so insane it tosses anyone other than you, you've done a terrible job training it.

However, if a horse has not been broken to saddle, then yes, if you try and hop on it, it will probably try and get rid of you. If you just try and get on a horse bareback in the paddock, it will probably go poorly. A lot of horses don't take well to being ridden bareback initially, but they can all get used to it in time.

Horses are sensitive but you can just let them graze

It's a common joke amongst horse people that horses will drop dead of anything and this is true to an extent, but they would be entirely unviable lifeforms if you had to inspect every patch of grass before you let them eat it. In general, horses won't eat toxic plants if they have a choice. I'm not sure how people thing mustangs and other feral horses survive in the wild if every paddock needs to be check for toxic plants because horses can't tell what will kill them and what won't. It's usually perfectly fine to let your horse graze outside their paddock. On that note - if you horse breaks into the feed shed, it *can* cause colic, and depending what they eat, it can be an extremely serious circumstance, but also many horses break into feed sheds, gorge themselves, and walk away fine. Mine has done it more than once.

Horse riding IS hard

One thing other posts have gotten correct is that riding a horse is hard. It's not something you can do well from the get go no matter how amazing you are. Riding a horse the first few times will make muscles hurt you didn't even know you had. Riding a dressage test gets my heart rate nearly as high as going for a run.

Horses are kinda smart . . and kinda stupid

Yes horses all have personalities and they can be really clever, but they can also be extremely stupid and this is because they are flight animals. Some are braver, some are smarter, some are stupid, some are flighty. But a horse is generally not as smart as a dog, and some of them are as dumb as a bag of rocks.

Riding bareback is hard and not good for your horse's back

There's a reason we invented saddles and it's to help distribute a rider's weight more evenly over the horse's back. Horse spines are suspended like a cable between their hips and shoulders. There is nothing in the middle to hold it up but muscle, and you sit right on that thing. Riding bareback puts a lot of weight and pressure on their spine and the muscles around it. Riding with a (well fitted) saddle will help distribute the weight. However, well fitted is the key thing here. You can't just put any saddle on any horse. If the saddle doesn't fit, it can cause rubbing, pain, and eventually long term damage. It's best practice to get a saddle fitted every 12 months at least.

Sweat doesn't really make your horse more slippery though and if you saddle slides right off, your girth wasn't done up tight enough or some part of your tack failed.

Horses should be tied up while you tack and untack

Horses are flight animals and they will piss off if something scares them, which can be dangerous if they're half-tacked or untacked. However, if your horse tries to bite you just because you haven't tied them up then you are doing something that is causing them discomfort or you haven't trained them properly. For the love of god don't let your horse bite you?? What is wrong with you?? The girth should not be painful or uncomfortable for the horse. You don't need to do it as tightly as possible, just enough that it won't slide. Most horses have what is called a "girth groove" which is where the girth sits in front of their ribcage. Because their shoulder is in front and their rib cage widens out behind, the girth sitting in the groove stops the saddle moving.

Training a horse does take a while . . . but them liking you doesn't really factor

Training or breaking a horse to take a saddle and accept a bit and aids does take a long time. You can't just jump on a feral horse and expect them to listen to you. Horses are usually backed (sat on) at between 4-6 years old but they may have had a saddle and bit on for short periods before hand. Horses don't accept tack because they care about whether it helps their rider not fall off, they do it because they have been trained to do it.

Crops and spurs

Crops (whips) and spurs are both aids that, when used properly, cue horses to perform certain movements. Both are more than capable of being abused. You can hurt a horse with a whip just as easily as with a spur, however, used properly, a spur allows you to make smaller, more finnessed aids with your leg than using your heel. A whip or crop can be used in a similar way, especially with horses who like to swing their shoulders or hips one way or the other - the whip just extends your reach.

English vs western

English and western are the two main styles of riding that are most common these days.

English riding includes dressage, jumping, and eventing. These sports are complicated so I won't go into them, but generally the saddles are lighter and allow for a closer connection to the horse, and more ability to move in the saddle - to stand in the stirrups, to get deeper into the saddle, etc.

Western riding is more ranch style riding, and include disciplines like reining, barrel racing, cutting and other sports involving cows. Western saddles are what you see in cowboy movies, and tend to be much heavier and more restrictive - they down allow you to move around so much.

Horses can be affectionate

It does depend a bit on the horse, but horses can absolutely be affectionate. They do this by calling out to you, coming over to you in the paddock, and sniffing and nuzzling at you. They do think with their stomach though, and a great way to get your horse to be excited to see you is to always bring them food.

Horses don't neigh that much

This is a big bug bear in movies. Horses really really really don't usually neigh that much. In fact, they don't make a lot of noise at all in general. They will call to their friends sometimes, and they make a range of whuffling, nickering, snuffling sounds, snorts and grunts, but the way movies show horses screaming their heads off all the time is totally false. They're usually pretty quiet.

That's it for now, but feel free to reach out if you have any other questions. I hope this post spreads as far as the other one did because. . .yikes there was a lot of wrong information in there!

[divineerdrick]

Homestuck: Beyond Canon Upd8 for August 11, 2024

So I've heard we have an upd8 today! And we've got a news post too! Right off the bat, we'll have another chapter "a little later in the month." Guess I'll have to keep my ear to the ground. Not sure there's an extension out there that can determine when the team upd8s a Ren'py game attached to their website.

I haven't been able to support the Patreon for a bit, so I'm unaware of the music previews James mentions. His little spiel makes me worried he might go Grimdark at some point . . .

We've still got another collab in the works, but we don't have the details yet. And yeah, I've been experiencing heat where I live that definitely slowed me down a peg.

On to the upd8!

Holy crap! Year 4!

Even with the realizations she made before, apparently this is still really slow going.

Nanna!

Oh wow! She's literally growing up! Wherever she is, she's physically aging in what is probably real time. Here's a shot from the last blog for comparison.

Her hair and horns are both longer, she's taller in frame, her neck is longer, and her eyes and mouth sit smaller on her face. Somehow though, she's still fitting into her outfit. Wonder if they're letting her alchemize new clothes?

Oh man! We've apparently missed some reconciliation with Eridan, John, and Kanaya! I feel especially robbed about missing out on the Kanaya portion. But we all know who the "HER" is. Though it would be a hilarious fake out if it was Nepeta or Feferi!

Hah! We apparently have both Nannasprites here!

Vriska does not say no to cookies!

We get another callback to Vriska's previous adventures as she remembers talking to John about their relationships with their ancestors. But she apparently doesn't understand how humans can have family ties. At least she seems more curious about it now.

Of course Nanna would have to describe having a child as having "novelty". It's nice to see a little bit more background on this version of Jane.

Vriska just cannot get past the idea why anyone would put up with a baby given the unavoidable accidents.

Nannasprite has apparently seen everything Jane has accomplished and is, at the very least, curious how things might have turned out if she hadn't settled down.

Wow. That had to really suck. Nana never felt loved or even wanted before she settled down. That might have been why finding someone who did love her and want to start a family with her caused her to change all her plans.

This is another attitude that Vriska previously would never have considered. She was always certain she had to be best, had to surpass every expectation, and very much felt she had a destiny to fulfill. The idea that someone would just "give up" on all that and do their own thing is more alien to her than humanity itself.

Wow! Vriska was actually mindful she might have lost her cool and genuinely apologized! She is learning!

And some genuine affection here too.

Wait! That's broken Paradox Space! Is Vriska facing Game Over Terezi?

And these are Vriska's typing quirks! Wait! Does she have to come to terms with Game Over Vriska? AKA (Vriska)? Does she have to reconcile with herself?

Wait! Mindfang? Does she have to come to terms with her relationship with Mindfang? If that's the case, no wonder she's not getting anywhere. Everything else has probably been about figuring out what the other person wants. But Vriska's problem was she was always trying to live up to Mindfang, an extremely poor example and role model. In this case, she almost certainly need to stop caring about what Mindfang might want.

Oh! It's not Mindfang! It's Vriska's idea of her, all wrapped up in her relationship with her lusus. It's basically both of Vriska's parental figures rolled into one.

She definitely needs to not give a shit about what this entity wants! While there is value in understanding who her lusus was and who Mindfang was, there is no value in engaging with them. This is all about Vriska learning how trying to live up to their needs and expectations, instead of living up to her own desires, caused her so much pain and heartache.

Heh! "Momfang."

Wow! They really are wrapped into one!

Also I can't decide if this reminds me more of the Venom symbiote or Conceptual Hair.

It is important that Vriska recognizes that these two entities were formative to her. But I really feel like that's all there is here. Understanding who they were and the impact they had on her life. The next revelation is that this doesn't need to define her.

Momfang's words echo a lot of Vriska's own thoughts and words on death and murder. Whether she, or indeed we, like it or not, Vriska does need to forgiver herself for her past. But not by accepting the violent environment as justification. She needs to understand that while she has extenuating circumstances for what she did, Vriska still did those things. She has to come to terms with that and forgive herself for it.

Vriska has learned from Vrissy! Suffering is not what makes you strong. Just as the muscles of a body builder tend to be weaker, more limited, and even useless compared to those of an athlete, suffering often comes with just as much that weakens you. Strength always has to come from within. Someone's strength who gets there through finding something or someone to be strong for is just as valid as someone who gets there through pursuit of an ambition is just as valid as someone who gets there through hardship is just as valid as, well, any path that gets you there. It's a bitter pill if you're the one who's suffered. But it is the truth.

Even on Alternia, none of this was ever fine. Even by their standards, her childhood was full of abuse and violence.

Man! The team is determined to make Momfang's twisting form as creepy as they can for mostly still images!

I don't know if Beforan Lusus could be like this, or if this quirk was part of Scratch's work. But we clearly see that some Lusus just weren't good guardians, despite coevolution. "But so are some parents!" I hear you cry! That's still different. While it's possible in the vast variety of humanity to be raised by a true monster, most abusive parents are still human. There are paths victims of abuse can take to find comfort or even peace and understanding because of this.

Vriska's "mom" is literally a spider, an animalistic predator. "HUNGRY. KILL. FUCK. EAT. FEED." On earth, even when spiders demonstrate sentience and intelligence, it is from an entirely different evolutionary path. We could not relate to the mind of a spider. And neither can Vriska.

There are many reasons why a parent may become abusive.

Vriska's was abusive because that helped it find prey.

Yep. This is not about what Momfang wants. It's about what Vriska wants. "And wasn't considering it now, to 8e clear." Again. Spider!

Huh! But that doesn't stop Vriska's image of Mindfang from being curious.

Vriska knows part of what's wrong. But as most of us know all too well, knowing what a problem is only the first step in fixing it. All you can do is try to catch yourself when "you're doing it again," while also trying to not make that become something you're constantly on guard about.

"Oh my god. Tavros was right!!!!!!!!!"

As was Nannasprite! You're supposed to learn form each of these "sessions" and use that to help with the next.

Now I'm sure that "h8r" is talking about Terezi.

We've often believed that what we read of Mindfang's journal was tame. Homesmut Mindfang is apparently canon.

No Momfang! No! You do not get to use Mayor callbacks!

"What will you do?"

Vriska knows what she wants. How does she prove it? Killing or being eaten seems like it's just more of the same. This could just be as simple as walking away.

Only way to win is not to play. It was always a false binary. There was always another option, it was just a case of seeing it.

Happy Vriska is best Vriska!

Yep! Just walk away!

Yeah, no! No hug for you!

Can't decide if I like "Gestalt of Rivia" or "Hierarchy of Arachneeds" more!

Let's not stop there though! I feel like we know enough now about how this works to start making some predictions.

So the Cueball suggests Scratch. He also played a great role in Vriska's life and actions. How Vriska needs to grow past him is trickier. Scratch was only ever using her, and I'm pretty sure Vriska knows this. Now she's dealt with Momfang, though, I don't think she'd get hung up on him. He is considerably cannier than Momfang, but this still feels like a misdirect. It could potentially lead to Rose. She's the other Hero of Light after all, and she and Vriska have both Scratch and the Cueball in common. I'm willing to bet Vriska didn't take enough advantage of Rose's presence on the meteor. This might create a scenario where she just has to learn from her fellow Hero.

Then we have a feather. This is probably the hardest to draw any conclusions from. The only character in Homestuck connected to feathers is Dave. Another potential hero to learn from. It's just hard to imagine not having to reconcile with Terezi, and I'm pretty sure she's not the 8ball. But I also can't think of how the feather connects her to . . .

Scales! It's a bit of a reach, but scales and feathers do have a connection. Also, why would Vriska have a feather? Maybe it's a quill that she used in her FLARPing days? Either way, I'm gonna say the feather is Terezi. Mostly because it's what I want.

The 8ball will be (Vriska). Vriska needs to come to terms with her Game Over self. She needs to realize that it not only was she wrong to look down on her, but that (Vriska) was always right to just look for happiness. (Vriska) was always valid and deserves to lose those parenthesis. Even if they are really convenient.

[goatseb]

ROC 2022 ice baths 1/2

[snek-panini]

Today I've got binderary book #3 to share! It's a lighthouse (burning) by books-and-omens. This is a really excellent canonverse (sort of) historical setting liminal ghost story-esque fic that I read practically in one sitting sometime last summer. It's fantastic, well-characterized, angsty and fluffy and fairly plotty and with some really unique worldbuilding. I honestly can't sing its praises enough; it's one of the only times since taking up this hobby that I've known I wanted to bind something before I actually finished reading it.

Have a look at the rest of the photos under the cut; this one came out really well and I'm in love with it.

For this cover we have lineco book cloth on the spine, a strip of chiyogami paper that I got in one one ChibiJay's random paper packs, and blue-gray sketch paper for the primary gray space. It's a little hard to tell in the photos but the HTV for the titles is in two different colors, silver for "a lighthouse" and pewter for "(burning)". The effect is more pronounced in person and I love it. The pewter came in a multi-pack of cricut foil HTV and I can't seem to find it on its own anywhere, which is a shame because it's beautiful. The sort of streaky effect on the cover was unintentional but I'm kinda liking it? It's a more porous paper for drawing or painting or something, and I tried to wax it for waterproofing, but when I used the heat press to get the title on the wax darkened in the spots where the glue was applied to the cover board. At first I was disappointed, but the fic features a really massive unnatural storm, and it sort of looks like water running down a windowpane, so I'm leaning into that and calling it an aesthetic. The back didn't get this heat treatment, so it doesn't have the pattern.

Top view, showing the bookmark and handmade end bands. The bookmark is a navy blue ribbon cut from the inside of a shirt, and I chose red and white because there are so many picturesque lighthouses that have red and white stripes. It's the only color in the book that's not blue or gray. The endpapers are a navy blue silk moire, and I had better luck with them than I did with the platinum ones on my Persuasion bind even though they are the same brand. Maybe it's practice or maybe navy just hides more sins than platinum.

For the title page I went fairly simple (for me anyway) with just a frame I pulled from rawpixel. It suits the story, though, being set sometime around or before the early 20th century. I also played with text colors on the title page, with some words being grayed out to mimic the effect on the cover. The section break is me getting clever with a feature of my printer. I often use a gray line to denote section breaks, but for whatever reason my printer doesn't like them and often makes them blurry. It is only these lines that come out blurry; larger images don't do this even if they are complex. So for this one, where a major feature of the story is trying to figure out what's real and what's a supernatural occurrence, I made one that was deliberately heavier in the center so it would come out sort of smoky or fuzzy, like it wasn't quite real and couldn't be clearly seen. It doesn't look this fuzzy in the unprinted file but I love the effect and I feel very clever for manipulating the printer like this.

I'm going to show off some interior shots but this bit contains spoilers for the story, so if you don't want to see that then maybe skip the rest of the post.

I wanted to get creative with my title placement since a lot of my binds look very similar inside, and this concept really let me try that out. The plot of the story is that the reason there are so many supernatural phenomena at this lighthouse is that someone in the future ran an experiment to harvest energy and accidentally cracked spacetime with it, and bits of the future and the past and the might-have-been are seeping through the cracks, and the longer the cracks exist the more seeps through them and the worse the ghostly stuff gets. At first it's not clear whether there's anything weird happening at all, and it becomes clearer that something is wrong the further in you get because the cracks are worse. So I had this idea for a vintage lighthouse illustration with an overlay of cracks in glass, that become more defined as the story progresses until something is done and they're sealed up in the end. I am not a visual artist and even this straightforward concept was too much for my skills, so I chose the lighthouse and the crack overlay and my amazing husband did the actual image manipulation. There are five different images, with the cracks invisible in the first and final chapter and most visible in chapter 10 and 11, when the characters are trying hardest to fix the problem. I'm really really proud of how well this turned out.

And that's it! I have several more binderary books to post but they are all still waiting for titles before I do the photos, so I don't know when I'll have them up.

[thedeviltohisangel]

All The Things I Did (3): Don't Leave Me Alone

chronology: chapter 1 chapter 2 interlude 1 chapter 3 interlude 2

a/n: well well well. here i am again. not as sad as interlude 2 i promise. i put them in chronologic order up top for all the new fans of this fic. focusing on gale and cass this chapter. i've appreciated all the screams in my ask box (i will explain anything about spook x bucky i've got going on in my head whenever you want, shoot me a dm) and will work on more interludes this weekend. keep the prompts coming! good a good mix of current & post war bucky x spook. love you guys and enjoy this longer one in celly of the finale.

Of all the places for them to bump into each other, no one should have been surprised it was in the base library. It was small and quiet and didn’t have the nicest lighting. But it had plenty of books on plenty of topics and very few people ever frequented it. Normally, it was her place to unwind and seek solace. Breathe in the scent of the worn bindings and get lost for a few hours. Cass wasn’t sure if John even knew it existed so it only made sense that this is where Gale would find her first.

Gale Cleven had been in communication with John Egan since their first day of basic training. Had watch him fly and crash on occasion. Watched him flirt and dance and take girls home. Only a few times had watched him give a piece of his heart and never once had he watched it go anywhere. When he had sent him the unicorn to pass along as an apology to a bar owner in Greenland, John had written one line at the end that made him more confused than the figurine had. A little note at the bottom: P.S. I think I’ve found my girl. 

Gale hadn’t known then, wouldn’t know for awhile, that Bucky had only seen her across the airfield when he had written that. Hadn’t even spoken a word to her. Had taken one look at the way every man on that base stopped and parted for her. One look at the way she navigated herself around the airfield while never looking up from the paper in front of her. John Egan had been gone like a freight train.

“Excuse me, Lieutenant Cooper?” She was in an armchair in the back of the library, curled up as much as her uniform would allow, thumbing through a book on Prussian history with two others opened and balancing precariously on either side of her and a stack of yet-to-be-read books piled on the floor. “I don’t mean to intrude. I just thought I’d introduce myself. Gale Cleven, friends call me Buck.” 

“My friends call me Cass.” She shook his hand as firmly as she could, her right arm in a sling. “You know, John has a whole thing planned for us to meet. He’ll be heartbroken.” Him and Cass had spent the night on a blanket in the flowers, just like she had wanted upon her return. He told her all about his best friend Buck and that introducing her to him was almost like her meeting his sisters or mother. Joked that she needed Buck’s approval before he could take her on another date.

“We can work on our story. Let him still have his moment.” Cass smiled and motioned for Gale to take the chair next to her. She placed a notecard between the pages to keep her place before giving him her full attention. 

“I’m sorry your first impression of me was when I got off that plane yesterday. I promise I’m not always that dramatic.” Gale laughed. The swelling in her eye had gone down slightly and there was color back to her cheeks. Maybe a couple of new bruises on her neck but he assumed his friend was more likely the culprit of those than the secret police.

“I barely noticed over the commotion of Bucky.”

“I wasn’t expecting that,” she noted shyly. All of a sudden her fingernails were much easier to look at than Buck’s gaze.

“I’ve known Bucky, John, a long time. You’ve enraptured him, Lieutenant.” Gale hadn’t expected such a reaction either. Bucky had always been somewhat impulsive, sure, but always with a personal gain in mind. Win the bet. Win the girl. Win the game. But yesterday had been near primal. A base instinct to protect. To put himself in between her and those who would do her harm. It had come as natural as breathing.

“Your word choice is inspiring, Major Cleven.” Her eyes twinkled. She knew.

“Has he serenaded you yet? Then you’ll really be inspired.” 

“I don’t know if that is what I would call it. I haven’t worked my way to that level of affection yet.” He thought back to the desperation in John’s voice when he called Cass’ name yesterday. Thought back to the venom that replaced it when someone got in the way of him reaching her. 

“I’m sure it’s only a matter of time.” She ducked away from his gaze again.

“Don’t tell him I’m telling you this, but I’m pretty enraptured by him, too.” Gale reached over and squeezed her hand, locking the secret between them, and stood up to let her get back to her reading and to find the book he had come here looking for in the first place. “Cass? I’ve got a favor to ask. It’s kind of a big one.”

“Something wrong, Buck?” 

“No. Just something that’s been on my mind since he left.” He mulled over the words for a moment. “He’s got a big heart. Does a good job at hiding it. I’ve been doing my best to protect it since the day I met him but if something happens to me up there…”

“You don’t even need to ask, Gale.” She would be his armor. Protect John Egan the way her soul had told her she should from the second she laid eyes on him. Had recognized the purity within him and felt the need to protect it. Cassandra Ann Cooper had been gone for John Egan the moment he stepped foot in England.

Gale nodded in appreciation. “I’ll see you at dinner tonight.” He walked to a shelf out of her sightline and Cass sighed deeply. She had faced down some scary people. But that interaction had her stomach in more knots than any of them. She had met, and talked to, and hadn’t made a fool of herself in front of, Major Gale Cleven. Cass smiled. John was going to be so happy when he found out.

----

The man in question was having a bit of a devious streak. Decided he was going to be early to pick up Cass instead of simply on time. Decided, after five minutes of waiting, that it had been too long since he last kissed her. Mary rolled her eyes when he came strolling in, thinking better of it when she opened her mouth to ask what he was up to. 

“Mary, I swear if Major Egan is early, tell him I’m not ready.” He smiled as he heard Cass answer his knock.

“Too late, Spook. Let me in so I can see whatever potions you're brewing to look so goddamn beautiful.”

“Are you calling me a witch?” Her voice was closer this time. John pressed his palm to the door where he imagined hers was.

“I miss your face,” he provided simply.

“I have curlers in my hair.” Her mother had never let her father see her with her curlers in. Even after thirty or so years of marriage. Told Cass it took away the allure of femininity. 

“Good. I’ve been imagining what you might look like in my bed in the morning-” He almost fell through the door when she opened it, her fist around his tie and all confidence choking off in his throat. 

“No remarks like that in the hallway where anyone can hear you.” Cass sat back down at her vanity for the finishing touches of mascara and powder. 

“Afraid they won’t find you so spooky anymore?” There weren’t too many artifacts of her life for him to look at. Photos of what she presumed were her parents and her siblings. A pile of letters with a return address in South Carolina. A jewelry box on top of her dresser.

“I don’t mind the nickname. I never had one growing up.” John stopped to admire her in the mirror as she pulled the curlers from her hair. He swallowed. It did look like he imagined she would be waking up next to him. How she would be after spending the night letting him worship her.

“Hey, wait on that for a second.” Cass put the tube of lipstick down and looked at him with a question across her brow. “Don’t want to mess it up when I kiss you.” She smiled and crooked her finger to beckon him forward, standing on her vanity chair as he got closer.

“So handsome,” she sighed as she took the opportunity of her newfound height to really take him in. She knows he would disagree but Cass found something ethereally beautiful about John Egan. The slope of his nose and the angles of his cheeks. The soft hair on his upper lip that she had found such joy in kissing. 

“I’m glad you think so.” He started with just a quick peck, enjoying the look of annoyance on her face. 

“That’s not worth holding up my lipstick application for.” John took that as a challenge. He felt guilty for only a second as he tangled his fingers into the curls at the back of her head and held her steady. John was trying to be mindful of the healing cut on her lip but she was pushing herself closer and closer and he had no choice but to give her more and more. It wasn’t slow. It was a spark spinning itself into a fire. An ember catching fire on all the things around it. He was a man starved for her oasis. She was a girl all too eager to tantalize him in the desert. 

John slid his arms to wrap tightly around her waist, lifting her against his body and turning so her back was against the wall. Instinctually, she wrapped her legs around his waist and gasped into his mouth at the sensation. “Fuck, Cass.” 

“John, we have to slow down.” She was enjoying his lips that had moved to her throat all much. Was so flushed with desire for him that beads of sweat were collecting in her collarbone. Cass unwrapped her legs from around his waist and John smiled with pride when her knees buckled ever so slightly. 

“You’re right. Do this the right way. The slow way.” He straightened his tie and bent down when Cass reached up to fix his hair.

“Doesn’t have to be slow forever. Sir.” She knew exactly what she was doing when she said it. Relished in the way it made his eyes darken with lust again immediately. “We’re going to be late to dinner. And I already made a literally bloody first impression with Gale.” 

“Come to think of it,” he noted as she expertly coated the red pigment around her lips, “it might’ve been more fun to try and kiss it off of you, Lieutenant.” 

“There’s always later.” 

He watched her hips sway to the Jeep, held her hand while he drove and smiled so wide it hurt when she slid across the bench and kissed his cheek. It all felt so normal. Felt like he was back home taking a girl to a movie and milkshakes on a Friday night. Felt like being with her was exactly where he was meant to be.

“Before you ask, no, we are not going back to the pub tonight.”

“Oh?” she asked as they drove right past. “Our memories from the other night incapable of being topped?”

“Just thought we would meet him somewhere nicer. This little bistro up the way a little bit.” 

“John Egan, are you nervous?” 

“Maybe.” She laughed but snuggled into his side. 

“It’s very sweet that you love Gale so much.”

“Don’t tell him. I’ve got a reputation to uphold.” Cass thought back to her conversation with Gale in the library. About the mushy heart right behind the very ribcage her cheek was resting against. 

“You know, I’ve been told I’m good at keeping secrets.”

----

Gale watched from the window by the table as John’s Jeep pulled into view, smiling to himself as Cass held his friend’s and kissed him. Stayed close to whisper reassuring words and knock his nose against hers to seal the promise.

“Bucky you lucky son of a bitch,” he muttered. They held hands as they walked in and when she let go to shake Gale’s hand, firmer this time as the sling hadn’t gone with her dress, John had kept his hand on the small of her back. Looking back on it, Gale doesn’t think there was a moment the whole night they weren’t touching. 

“Cass, this is the best man I’ve ever met, Major Gale Cleven. But I call him Buck.”

“Gave everyone else no choice but to call me Buck, too.” John pulled her chair out for her and pushed it in, sitting straight as a rod in his own until her arm locked around his comfortably. He visibly relaxed and kissed her forehead when she offered it.

The conversation flowed smoothly, John none the wiser the two of them had already met. Buck had her giggled over stories of a younger Bucky, taking her back to their days when they were first learning to fly. She asked about Marge and John noticed the way her chin dropped into her hand and she watched Gale with adoration as he spoke about the woman he had loved since he was a child. And would love until the day they died. 

“She sounds absolutely lovely, Gale.” Cass reached across the table and squeezed his hand when his gaze turned melancholy for a moment. 

“If you’re crazy enough to see it through with this one,” his chin jutted towards John, “I’m sure you and Marge will be thick as thieves.”

“Hey! I’m not that bad of a guy,” he spoke around bites of his dinner.

“John, you’ve got a little…” Cass motioned to the corner of her mouth to signal a bit of sauce was lingering on his. Without even really thinking about it, she used the corner of her own cloth napkin to dab away the offense. 

“Better?”

“Perfect.” Gale could lose his stomach with the sweetness. “Gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me to the powder room.” John stood as she left, watching her with a dazed smile on his face until Buck coughed.

“She’s something, Bucky. A real class act. Whip smart. Has you wrapped around her finger many times over.” John hummed around his sip of whiskey. 

“I’ll keep wrapping myself around it as long as she’ll have me.”

“Yeah? I should tell you she’s too good for you.” 

“You’d be right. I don’t deserve someone like her.” He swirled his glass pensively. “You know I love you and I love Marge and I love the little world you two build whenever you're together. I’ve always wanted that but kept getting in my own way. Chasing the immediate instead of being patient. Cass and I, it’s going fast because of this fucked world we live in. And I’m not getting in my own way because I’ve found a girl who won’t let me.”

“Watching you two, I think it’s real, John.”

“I think it is too,” he swallowed the lump in his throat. “We’ve got to make it through this thing, Buck. I came here with nothing to lose but now I’ve got something I couldn’t stand to.” There was something desperate in his eyes. The same look Gale had seen yesterday when he was fighting the officer to reach Cass. 

“Feels nice to have someone to live for, doesn’t it?” he teased.

“Nice, scary, like I’m being mauled by Meatball.” They both laughed in spite of the truth. “You think she’s smitten with me?” Gale rolled his eyes.

“I do.” Bucky nodded.

“Good.” Cause he thinks he might love her. 

“Sorry for the prolonged departure.” She came back with a  smile, John standing and kissing her gently. “Major, I just reapplied that.”

“Couldn’t help myself.” Didn’t want to. 

He watched her and Gale banter back and forth the rest of the night with a smile on his face. Cass was the first girl he was introducing to his best friend, wished it was under better circumstances. Wished he had met her somewhere the threat of not making it to tomorrow didn’t exist. That he could court her properly and take her to the drive in and canoeing on the lake by his parents house and listen to a ballgame on the radio in the summer. Wished he had the courage to tell her and Buck that he was scared of losing them both. That he had been up there once and would back up a hundred times more if it meant they could live in a safer world. 

And one day, after all three of them had done their part to end this war, John will mention this dinner at Buck’s wedding. And Buck will mention it when John asks him to be their child’s Godfather. But they didn’t know what they would have to go through to get there. That John’s fear of losing them both will come true. And that he would almost lose himself in the process of getting them back.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Long time listener, new caller...:) I have read your posts since the Plant days. I've always wondered why you fell down this rabbit hole. Now how... why?

I’ve always liked William and Harry. Started following the BRF more closely in November 2010 because of William and Kate’s engagement. Came to really like Kate and I saw bits of myself in her.

Probably what I liked the most about Kate in those days was her sense of style and dress. In a world that was consumed with presenting and dressing young women for the male gaze, here was someone that dressed for herself and wore the kind of clothes that I liked to wear. I’ve always said that if it weren’t for Kate making modesty cool again - eg sleeves, higher necklines, longer hemlines, long trousers, and blazers - then I wouldn’t have had anything to wear in my 20s.

So then the more I paid attention to the royal family, the more I started to hear and see rumors and gossip about them. That ended up being more fascinating than the “Kate wore those shtupid wedges that The Queen hates!” articles. I started diving into the rumors - where did they come from? Who started them? Why did they start them? How did they start them? - which led me down into the world of PR and media relations.

Then Harry met Meghan and the PR around William, Harry, and Kate exploded. The rumors and gossip proliferated in ways I hadn’t expected or seen before. Then Harry and Meghan got engaged, I got a lot of icks, lurked in the DM comments section, discovered the “three blind mice” tumblrs (Skippy, Felix, and JD), checked it out, and I was home.

(I had tumblr long before then - I’ve been a tumblr since the platform launched because it was the creative fandom artsy side of the internet (predating Superwholock) and that was the kind of stuff I was into.)

Found Soap, Plant, Empress, Sassy and a few other tumblrs through Skippy that were much more my speed. Been here ever since. Kept tracking and following all the rumors and gossip for fun.

Then the pandemic hit. I needed a new lockdown project because the movies were closed and I couldn’t go anywhere. I decided to take all my scribbles and links on BRF rumors and gossip, put them all in a spreadsheet and start tracking if they were true or not and track where they came from to see how they got “into” royal-watching. The side of tumblr I was on started talking more openly about PR, rumors, and gossip and after sending in a bunch of anons to other blogs about rumor tracking, realized there was a lot of interest in that kind of stuff so here I am. And because the root of most gossip, including rumors and theories/conspiracy theories, involves PR, the analytical side kind of fit in neatly with that.

The rumors and gossip have died down - it’s not as frenzied as it used to be back in the 2016-2018 era so it’s a much quieter and not-as-frequently updated spreadsheet now as it was in the past. Ive still got the spreadsheet but because there isn’t a lot of chaos in the BRF anymore, there isn’t as much gossip and rumors, and the gossip and rumors there are, they tend to spread from the astrology/tarot side of the fandom. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that at all!

One final observation: I’ve noticed in the rumor/gossip tracking world is that there’s a lot of projection lately - so it’s more theories than rumors. I think it’s reflective of the current state of the BRF; the people who were once more freely speculating about the BRF or more freely trying to use gossip or public pressure to force particular decisions or actions from the BRF no longer have access to that kind of insider information to be as effective (or as punishing, perhaps) with their gossip and rumors.

I call my spreadsheet “Mythbusters” and it has 1,874 entries - so almost 1,900 rumors or pieces of gossip. 861 of them have been resolved; most are busted as false just with the passage of time.

[late-to-the-party-81]

Answer the questions and tag five fanfiction authors you know!

Thank you @metalbvcky. NPT for @mrs-illyrian-baby @doasyoudesireandlive @km-ffluv @labella420

🍓 How did you get into writing fanfiction?

As a teen I was a voracious reader and tried to write my own stuff based on other books I'd read. I also loved ST:TNG and wanted dearly to be in an episode and had lots of the books. I wrote my own ST stories with OC's (gratuitous self inserts), but they never went anywhere. In my late teens I read some Xena fanfic on the internet. But that was it for a great number of years.

At the beginning of 2021 I sat and watched the entirety of the MCU films in chronological order (I'd seen most of them before and was mainly a Thor gal.) I fell down the Stucky rabbithole. Deep. I decided to look up fanfic. AO3 was now a thing! I wrote (a very poor) Stucky fic and here we are, almost 3 years later

🍇How many fandoms have you written in?

As my ST stuff never made it further than my parent's old PC in the days of dial-up, I won't count it.

I've written for MCU, various Chris Evans and Seb Stan Characters and one fic for RWRB. I've been toying with writing a one-off Criminal Minds fic as a gift for a friend.

🍈How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

Three in July since I first published anything on AO3.

🍎Do you read or write more fanfiction?

I try to balance it out. If I have a period of hyperfocus writing I try to then go through a period of reading. I read on both Tumblr and AO3, so try to keep that even as well.

🍌What is one way you've improved as a writer?

Getting betas to pick me up on tense changes, overuse of words and rogue commas. Reading more. Practising. Writing outlines for longer stories so I don't go off-piste.

🍑Do you have any bad habits as a writer?

Getting bored half-way through a long fic, especially if the first few parts haven't had a lot of interaction. Which is why I try to write the whole thing before I start posting.

🍍 What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Engineering courses at MIT and, for a separate fic, Violet wands, including the ways to use them and the differnt types of accessories you can use with them. I even watched a Youtube video.

🍉What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Any comment! Anything that gives me the validation I need!

🍐What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

I wrote a transformation into Tsum-tsum fic that was both cracky and smutty. That's pretty niche.

🥭What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Action scenes. I loathe them. I'm constantly wondering if they are long enough, and make sense.

🍏What is the easiest type?

Short things that are either PWP or fluffy slices of life.

🍑Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

Mainly on my elderly laptop on G-Docs, and in every moment I can - normally afterwork before dinner and on Mondays when I don't have work.

🍋What is something you've been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

There are a few characters and ships I haven't written that I'd like to. And I suppose I'd like to write a proper long, over 100k fic at some point.

🍇 what made you choose your username?

When I made my AO3 account I felt as though that at 40, and only really starting in Fandom in this way, I was late to the party, so that is who I became.

[leventart-den]

This should have been Sanji's Angst idea for a few sentences, I swear.

I'm still on episode 229 of One Piece so all my knowledge is only from spoilers and fanfiction and that means I know very little regarding Sanji's story. But the few fanfics I've seen about "Germa Sanji" make my brain work.

I just can't help but think what if Sanji had run away when he was little and met Zeff. So he learned to cook, fight with his feet, and was shaped enough as a person into the Sanji we know. But then, about a year before the canon meeting with Luffy and the others, he was somehow found and kidnapped back to Vinsmoke. He was again experimented, tortured and trained into the perfect soldier. Although his emotions could not be eradicated from him, so he is constantly kept on drugs that suppress emotions and feelings.

So these few years while the Straw Hats sailed the seas on adventures, Sanji did the dirty work of an assassin for Germa and the Vinsmoke. And then one day the target that Sanji was ordered to eliminate turned out to be the Straw Hat pirates. Of course this didn't end well for him and here he is tied up on their ship in the middle of the sea with Zoro as his overseer most of the time (hi ZoSan). He caused them problems in the first days, constantly running away and not having anywhere to escape, which ended in constant fights. Poor Usopp and Chopper all this time felt as if they were in a horror movie with a maniac on a ship who was hunting them. The nights were the most terrible times for them. Poor souls.

Although as the days passed, his escapes and attacks became less frequent. The crew did not understand why and were very suspicious of this. On Sanji's part, the reason was that the drugs with which he was pumped began to fizzle out and without a new dose he began to come to his senses. His emotions and feelings began to return and he began to wonder what he was doing and why, no longer being a weak-willed killing tool for his father. He began to remember Zeff and all the "good things". Although with this came the other side of the coin - a terrible withdrawal from the drugs to which his body had become so accustomed over all these years. The flow of negative feelings along with good ones turned out to be no less difficult. Sanji began to feel as if he was literally going crazy and dying. Although, he thought, maybe this is not so bad after all the terrible deeds that he committed and everything that his blood family and those around him did to him. 

The first couple of days were the most difficult because his training and the remnants of drugs in his mind competed with his awakening feelings and it drove him crazy. Those few times between the lulls in which he tried to escape and attack, Sanji was no longer a cold-blooded killer, but rather a driven monster. The crew had already begun to seriously worry about Zoro, who at these moments was left alone with him, only being able to hear all the screams and growls of anger and the sounds of a fight that made the walls crack.

It always ended in blood with Sanji manhandled and pinned to the floor and Zoro with another broken rib but on top, breathing heavily into Sanji's ear another "had enough?" And getting no answer, Zoro always dragged him back to the post, tying him up again. He wishes they had chains because the ropes are starting to run low with this bastard. He's strong, Zoro has to admit.

Although as the days pass, Sanji becomes less aggressive and more exhausted and sick mentally and physically. This stirred a spark of concern among the crew. Because when the constant battles for life and adrenaline began to end, they were finally able to look at the situation soberly. Everything about this guy was strange and abnormal. His eyes now had a very different look than when they first met. Not to mention his general demeanor. He even thanked Nami when she brought him food one day and tried to smile. Although it was very crooked and uncertain, like a shadow. It was as if the muscles of his face had become unaccustomed to this emotion and were trying to remember what it was like to smile. At some point, even Chopper, who was very afraid of him, volunteered to visit and check his condition, under the supervision of Zoro, of course.

Everything goes well in the sense that Sanji behaves relatively calmly, even perhaps overly clinical when answering Chopper's questions after learning that he is a "doctor". As if he was used to answering them. This worries the little reindeer. And not only this. What he learns about the condition of their unwanted guest upsets Chopper to the core. He expected anything but this. Awareness of the true situation turns everything upside down. When he leaves the cabin to meet the others, he does not explain anything (doctor's code not to disclose patient's secrets) but asks them to trust him and follow the instructions.

Over the next hour or so, the place where they are holding Sanji (they finally learn that this is his name) becomes more like a room with a mattress and a blanket laid down. A jug of water and a glass and a plate of sandwiches on a makeshift table from a box. They are hanging a few more lamps to make it brighter. Several books are placed not far from him. The ropes were removed although Zoro was now watching him even more closely.

The swordsman knows what this man is capable of better than any of them, he cannot underestimate the enemy. Although the more he watches him and listens to what he says to others, the more he feels the atmosphere is inexorably changing. He no longer clutches the hilt of his sword at every unexpected movement of the curly-browed man.

The Straw Hat Pirates don't know how or when it happened, but Sanji slowly but surely turned from a threat to someone who needed help in their perception and, a little later, a member of their crew. It’s just that one morning, when Zoro came to his shift, he didn’t find him in the room but with Luffy in the kitchen. He was making breakfast with unstable hands while their captain sat on a stool and silently smiled as he watched.

This was their new beginning.