#these are kinda old but i keep seeing other scream stuff and wanna participate

[heroinbobby]

were doing scream fanart?

[alemoex]

oi my dudes, i’m ac aka air conditioner !! i decided to stupidly take on 2 charas so i’ll be playing my daughter alexandra and my boi julian. ofc i would love to plot with everyone, however, i am trash at replying on le tumblr.com so hit me up on discord ac 🐳#8622 just let me know it’s you and not some creepy old man !! imma just jump straight in here cause there’s no good place to start with this gorl !!

( cindy kimberly, cisfemale, she/her ) i just saw ALEXANDRA MOE walking down the streets of provincetown the other day playing DEAR SOCIETY BY MADISON BEER out loud. rumor has it that the TWENTY TWO year old is SINCERE, but can also be ARROGANT — overall they’re a PARACOSMIST. they remind me of THE FEELING OF FALLING IN A DREAM, MESSILY SCRAWLED POST IT NOTES, LAUGHING AT SOMETHING NO ONE ELSE FINDS FUNNY, & FALLING ASLEEP TO THE SOUND OF RAIN.

BACKGROUND:

comes from a middle class family, had a great childhood, very supportive and attentive parents and then she has her twin brother, lucas, the two were pretty much what you expect twins to be like, they basically had their own language and if you asked them they could definitely talk to each other via thoughts.

when she was younger she used to be very outgoing, fearless and when her brother was too shy to do something alexandra did the thing. her childhood home comes with a huge garden and because both ale and her brother was very active they had put together two makeshift soccer goals, it often resulted in the other kids wanting to come join them and her brother being shy to tell them to come in, so that was on ale.

anyway as she hit teenage years, puberty hit and insecurities got the best of her. she was shy and super awkward, some of the boys used to be after her a lot and then she’d lash out ‘cause of just wanting to be left alone. a reaction that apparently was super funny to them so they kept on doing it, ‘causing ale to crumble more and more and it was soon realized by every adult in her life that the girl had 110% developed anxiety.

she hated going to school, but didn’t wanna strike out either just because of some stupid boys, hated crowds in general, couldn’t walk past groups larger than 2 in the hallway without her anxiety crippling up and planting stupid thoughts in her mind. so when a school day would finish she’d go home and isolate herself.

alexandra had always loved fashion and the whole aesthetic thing. she owned tons of fashion magazines and to keep sane and calm herself down she loved making moodboards. she’d clip the stuff out from the magazines and glue them onto canvasses. it took up a lot of her time but it was honestly practically art (at least it would be to people today).

as she grew a little older, she started a little blog ‘cause that seemed to be a trend. she didn’t recognize she’d get anywhere with it but she wanted to sort of try something new out. she’d pretty much write about fashion and instead of doing moodboards the old fashioned way she’d use polyvore. she’d also just sometimes through in some posts about some thoughts of hers and she got recognized for her aEsThEtIc SeNsE and her honesty when she spoke up about her feelings and thoughts, which was kinda cool.

anyway it gave her a little confidence and she actually enrolled into college in los angeles, ucla to be more specific, for a pr and media sort of major. she was accepted and suddenly had to pack up her entire life and leave everything she knew and loved, it was a bittersweet feeling she was pretty happy getting out of there and start a new chapter but she was also a very home is best kind of girl, hated things she had no control over and the thought of the future scared the hell out of her.

anyway, college, she started opening up a bit more. she started an instagram because everyone and their mom had instagram and alexandra thought it would suit her blog great. this is where her career basically started. her instagram took off real quick, obviously she was beautiful and anyone with eyes could see that, but she had great style and the overall vibe of her feed was just smooth as fuck, she knew what she was doing and i guess you could say she found her calling.

and it wasn’t college so she dropped out, stayed in la for a bit ‘cause it seemed to be where the opportunities where but often times she was too shy to really grab those opportunities head on so really she wasn’t getting much out of it, except followers. so after 2 years in la and a failed college experience she moved back home at the age of 21 but with the back secured in a very unexpected way as she had just about 400.000 followers.

from here on out she’s been travelling a lot, brand deals and all that inviting her to luxurious resorts and events and alexandra doing her best to participate as much as possible. but really she just loved being at home the most, doing her thing in locations she knew around people she knew.

also, for reference i’m thinking her instagram has sort of the vibe of this gorl !

PERSONALITY:

she is soft. a lot of people assume that she’s super arrogant this due to her shyness and the fact that from her online persona she seems like a girl who’s got confidence oozing out of her. there’s a very simple explanation to that, she’s been recognized for it, people have acknowledged that she’s good at what she does and thus she has reason to be confident about it, but if you meet her irl it’s an entire different story.

due to her anxiety she often shies away from like unforseen situations, this includes meeting strangers and big crowds. she’s been to a couple of fashion shows around the world but absolutely hates it, there’s too many people and too much screaming for attention, so while everyone else she knows will like take a walk and let photographers take her pic, alexandra just kinda walks into the venue and avoids any human contact.

is very romantic in a sense, her captions on instagram are always very romantic but it fucking scares her so much. has never been in love and can’t talk to guys ‘cause they scare her and if someone shows interest she’s gonna think it’s a joke, straight up. will reference vines when she’s unsure of what to say or pull some random fact out of her ass that she read about on wikipedia at 4 am.

loves her friends, even if she doesn’t tell them, they’re basically her support system and probably bakes cookies for them every so often ‘cause pls take her love. around the snackpack she’s definitely more out of her shell ‘cause they probably bring out the idiots in each other. but still probably very careful when following their lead. the mom friend of the group even though she also just wants to have fun, actually scratch that definitely the dad friend, she tried her best but in the end it’s just kind of ‘no that’s not quite right’.

yeah, that’s about it. i’ve probably forgotten a lot but it be like that.

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E06 Poll Results (Manga Reader Version)

The poll closed with 490 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that this is the results of the manga reader poll. Anime only watchers are suggested not to read if you do not wish to be spoiled about certain events! Anime only viewers, click here to view your poll results!

NOTE: Another week, a few more mess ups and overlooked things. Upon realizing that we are rushing ourselves a bit too much and the poll dropping in quality is the unfortunate side effect, we will be moving the poll to Tuesdays from this point forward. This will allow us more time to see what others are discussing, think up questions, make sure we’ve touched on all of the important points, and to proofread more thoroughly before publishing. Thank you for being patient with us throughout this whole process! We apologize for our mess ups over the last couple of weeks.

RATE THE EPISODE 478 Responses

Overall the episode got high rankings and positive reviews!

I loved it, just wish they had given the Grisha vs Frieda segment more time and fully animated it rather than show it in flashes and stills. Though it wouldn't surprise me if they do later when we get his full story.

It was awesome! I'm starting to enjoy this season more with each episode. I'm hyped for the action next episode.

the best episode so far

Once the uprising arc is done, this episode will definitely be included in my favorite episodes list.

I was skeptical at first of the changes they were making to Frieda's foreshadowing, but the sequencing of events in the episode made up for it! Everything flowed so smoothly, from Eren's memories to Historia's, introducing the concept of mindwipe immunity followed immediately by Kenny's old talk with his grandpa. Each point led right into the next.

This week's episode felt almost slow with the way it ended. I'm not complaining, although I feel the sting of all those missed moments that got cut off prior to this.

This episode was freaking awesome. I keep replaying the scene where Eren sees Grisha's memories. The whole sequence and the OST is amazing!!

When it comes to rating these last few eps, I keep second-guessing myself on how to rate them. On the one hand, they've been fairly faithful to the manga and the animation, as always, has been top notch. So in that aspect they are good and deserve a high rating. It's just that the Uprising arc is so incredibly dull to me, that I am also not exactly excited about these eps and probably will skip all of them on future rewatches. But the anime is not to blame for that.  ¯\_㋡_/¯

ep of the season so far

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SCENES DID YOU ENJOY THE MOST? 485 Responses

Eren unlocking Grisha’s memories was the big moment of the episode, winning the majority vote. Followed closely is Historia unlocking her memories of Frieda, Rod’s retelling of Grisha’s attack and Kenny’s flashback to his talk with his grandpa.

I also enjoyed the Ackerman talk, it gives more significance to what’s to come in the future

OPENING SCENE WAS BOMB

I absolutely love Frieda! She was the greatest sister ever. Too bad she had to die so young. I liked her voice as well :) The scene with her and Historia symbolized peace, love and happiness, while the scenes in the crystal cave symbolized pain and sorrow. I liked that.

KENNYKENNYKENNYKENNYKENNY

Is it weird that I liked the Zacklay part more than the flashback? C:

My fav scene was when Mikasa and Levi were talking about Mikasa's past and their awaking of power

Really liked the focus on each character when Levi asked them if they were ready to get their hands dirty. They looked resolved.

The Ackertalk!!!!!!!!

ON A SCALE OF “I’D RATHER IT WAS DIFFERENT” TO “SAWANO IS A GENIUS!” HOW MUCH HAVE YOU BEEN ENJOYING THE SOUNDTRACK TO THE SEASON SO FAR? 482 Responses

As expected of Sawano! The majority of respondents are enjoying the music this season. A few think the picks could be better, however.

The OST in this season has been awesome.

To the music part: I haven't found a track that really stands out, I want something as good as youseebigttgirl

WHAT IS YOUR REACTION TO EREN’S MEMORY SEQUENCE? 477 Responses

The majority of respondents were overall pleased with the way that Eren’s flashes of the altercation in the cave went down. A few would rather it have been different.

Frieda was beautiful and that's all I care about

I love the way wit did Eren's eyes during the flashback sequence. Honestly it made me feel more like dead

I loved it, some amazing voice acting with Erens scream at the end

While the fast flashes made total sense to me as a narrative choice I would have personally liked it better if it was Slower

Great paths depiction, mindblowing OST, not biggest fan of how they presented goblin Eren in just two still images

Pretty awesome. I don't like how Frieda's titan looks however, I thought that the manga design gave off a far more divine and powerful aura than the anime one, which honestly just looks like a regular titan with different eyes.

The P A T H S visuals were beautiful but I feel like the flashbacks themselves could have been done better. The RIP Grisha scene was practically still images when it could have been one of the most visceral and intense moments in the series. Idk I just found the flashbacks themselves very underwhelming

openly sobbing

Eren’s shocked expression while seeing those memories/listening to rod talk makes me feel bad for him all over again, but WIT also gave a lot of shots of his abs and back muscles *-* like, idk if I wanna hug him or fuck him

could've been much better. kid Eren screaming after realizing he ate his dad was heartbreaking though

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT THE MECHANICS OF ZACKLEY’S “ART”? 479 Responses

It goes without saying that most respondents were put off by Zackley’s torture device, although there’s a sizable amount who did find it amusing. Generally speaking, most fans aren’t happy about the scene being included overall.

AoT will end, but Art will last forever

I HATE THE SHIT MACHINE!!!!!!

I cant believe we got the shit machine! Art is still alive!

I feel kinda tired of the whole shitmachine stuff. What is so special about some old, fat, ugly, nude, sweating dude who was forced to drink own piss? Why so many fans is obsessed with it? The episode had so many great moments - but almost everything I'm actually hearing about it this dumb shitbitchmachine.

I still fail to see what that machine added to this part of the story....

HOW DADDY IS ERWIN’S NEW HAIRDO? 480 Responses

Although there were mixed responses, overall the fandom is digging the new hairdo. Many even think Commander Handsome is looking even more dashing than before! ;)

Can we get more scenes with Erwin being Commander Handsome?

Erwin looks much younger now on my opinion XD

OMG ERWIIIIIIIIIN SO HOT

GRISHA’S EYES WERE GLOWING GREEN BEFORE HE ATE FRIEDA, AND THEY STARTED GLOWING PURPLE AFTERWARDS. DO YOU THINK THIS HAS ANY MEANING? 481 Responses

The overwhelming majority believe that the glowing eyes do have significant meaning. We covered this concept in more detail a few questions down!

Erens attack Titans eyes glow green too, I think it's just for effects

Yes, Frieda was not tasty and Grisha's stomach hort a lot after eating her

I didn't even noticed XD But I'm not sure if it has any meaning

Super saiyan

Frieda's eyes were purple during her Titan transformation. Grisha's eyes changing to the same colour after he ate Frieda, meant that he gained the Founding Titan power, gained Frieda's memories and the memories of the previous Founding Titan holders.

It could hardly be a slip of the hand in the animation department. They did it for a reason

The purple is the same as Frieda's Titan so it's likely because he came in contact with a Titan with Royal Blood and that changed his Titan's eye color

it's his magical girl transformation

WHICH TITAN WORE THEIR CHEST HAIR BETTER? 478 Responses

This was a close one! But ultimately Grisha inched just a few percentage points above Zeke. The commentary also reflects this and, frankly, we are a bit concerned. Are you guys okay?

Gaston ain't got nothing on Grisha Titan's chest hair.

Grisha's titan can spank me

Titan Grisha can mount me anytime.

WHEN FRIEDA READS HISTORIA THE FAIRY TALE, THE “GOOD GIRL” CHARACTER IS NAMED KRISTA. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS ADDITION?  478 Responses

It was a close split between excitement over seeing (or rather, being reminded) how Historia got the name “Krista” for her persona  and those who are questioning the validity of the name in the book. We also received plenty of snarky reminders that we overlooked the detail of this being mentioned in chapter 51. Perhaps it’s time for us to take a week off!  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I love how they’re differentiating the Marleyan legend from the Eldian one

I thought I was supposed to be Ymir, but I think it’s a really interesting addition to how Historia got the name Krista.

Since we know Rod gave her the name Krista, it felt kinda irrelevant. It also somehow implies that Krista's personality is the result of what remained in Historia's head from Frieda's preaching which I don't think was necessary to justify at all. Historia could've chosen to be the kind of girl Krista is by herself.

I love how, as time passed and memories changes, Ymir Fritz became Krista Lenz. And so, both Ymir and Historia got named by someone else after the same person. I love it.

It's not really an addition since her name appeared in the manga (at the beginning of chapter 51 when Historia goes crazy)

It did make things pretty confusing. I think that the government could've entirely changed the story of Ymir and the titan's and renamed Ymir in the books, and that's why she is now called Christa.

On one hand I think it's appropriate because the Reiss family didn't want Historia to know the Eldian history, yet I think the specific name of Krista wasn't a great decision because as I remember it, Rod was the one who made Historia take on the name Krista, so to suggest that Historia chose it because of that story is inconsistent.

‪Historia did say Krista was “a girl from a book she read as a child” in chapter 51, but learning in chapter 86 that the girl is Ymir Fritz led some people to believe that, back then, Historia was referring only to the girl's personality and not her name. The anime just clarified that in Frieda's book she is indeed named Krista, perhaps suggesting the story has different versions in Marley/the world and Paradis.‬

IT’S CONFIRMED THAT GRISHA’S AND FRIEDA’S TITANS HAD GLOWING EYES, SIMILAR TO THE PURE TITANS THAT THE COORDINATE CONTROLLED, DO YOU THINK THIS RELATES TO EREN’S EYES GLOWING IN LIBERIO? 466 Responses

As reflected above, most respondents believe that the glowing eyes do bear significance. 41% of voters believe that it’s indicative of the power of the titan taking over its host, while 32% believe the significance is something else. 16% of voters think it’s simply just a cool aesthetic effect. 

I don't understand anything any more

Woah I've not thought about that enough to give an answer!!

I have no fucking clue, this stuff is confusing.

I honestly just think those titans happen to have glowing eyes. Nothing more.

WHICH TRANSITION DID YOU LIKE BETTER? 479 Responses

70% loved the transition of Kenny looking into the knife and revealing his younger self. 

I truly love Kenny <3

Kenny is beautiful and the transition from younger to older Kenny in the reflection of his knife was my absolute favorite part of the entire episode.

Kenny was a highlight in this episode once again, I especially loved the flashback scene with him and grandpa Ackerman talking about family history after Levi and Mikasa's Ackertalk. The transition back to Levi was really unsubtle, though.

WHICH PV SCENE ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO THE MOST? 482 Responses

Generally, the majority are most looking forward to the showdown between Squad Levi/Hange vs. the Interior MP Squad. About 31% of voters altogether are looking forward more to more Jaeger/Reiss focus, however! 

Can I vote again for Hange is a BAMF?

i honestly don't care at all about the interior MP v.s squad levi fight. I just wanna get back to the reiss/jaeger action

Give me Levi yelling Hange's name or give me DEATH

can't wait for the next episode and the showdown!!!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

Finally we arrived to my favorite part of this arc. Even though it doesn't have that much action as the other seasons, this is the part I love the most. Knowing how Eren got the Attack AND the Founding titans, Historia becoming the rightful queen of the walls, Levi's backstory, Kenny's dream and his friendship with Rod Reiss' brother, learning that there's a world outside of the walls by Keith Shadis; all of this until the fight against the collosal and armored titans back in Shignashina district and everybody discovering the sea.

Now I finally understand why Kenny killed so many MP officers. I used to believe he had done that for fun. Now I know he did that to protect his family. I really enjoyed the moments between him and his grandpa - it made me to feel how important the bloodline was for him.

I'm a bit disappointed that they made Frieda's titan hair black, I was hoping for it to be a lighter colour, and I preferred the lighter hair a bit more. But overall her titan form was pretty cool!

They left out the part where Kenny tells Rod he is looking for a bathroom because he has to go #2! ಠ_ಠ How could they skip that after they included the whole poop machine scene?! I also wasn’t sure how I felt about the girl being named Krista in the book being read to Historia. I thought that was supposed to be Ymir. Otherwise, the episode was superb.

Erwin is my husband and I love it when he goes into Commander Mode™. Also so not ready for more information about Levi’s childhood, and yet also I need to see Little Levi™ at the same time

FRIEDA WAS GREAT

Now that two big plot points are over (the overthrowing of the government and Grisha’s deed) and another one is under way, I can say this season is so underwhelming compared to the manga. There is no suspense, no feeling of satisfaction, no tension, because they cut too many parts in the beginning that hinted at future events (eren’s experiments for examples) and simplified characters’ moral struggles that i think are understandable only to us manga readers because “we know”. I think, for a story (the one of uprising) that relied on suspense so much, this lighting-fast, confusing pace just made every victory totally underwhelming. I’m left with a feeling of “oh...okay” and i am hating it because the Uprising Arc is my favorite manga Arc.

With this episode I'm back to being sad about how coldly Erwin is portrayed again, but I guess that is just the way it's going to be. I don't think anyone can be as successful of a leader as Erwin has been with such a cold and uncaring facade, so I'm just going to agree to disagree with Isayama and WIT how a character like Erwin should be portrayed. The only positive about the anime is how Erwin's developing depression is really hammered home in this and the previous episode. From the manga it was quite unclear to me how all that had happened, but now I can see the progression very clearly starting from Erwin's little talk with Zackley the Creepy Artist and continuing with Pixis' merciless opinion of Erwin and his gamble.

Yeah for all the flashbaCks! And omg Frieda!! I love her sooo much! I was looking forward to see her in this episode and I'm not disappointed at all! I just wanted to hug her and little Historia! ;-;

THOUGHTS ON EPISODE 5:

104th celebrating their freedom was dope

I really loved this episode because Erwin had his chance to shine for once. I especially loved the foreshadowing of what a huge mistake they might have just made with the coup d'état. And I loved seeing my second favourite commander, Nile, as well! He's been growing on me for a longer while now, but the anime is really reminding me how Nile has always been a sensible but kind person.

Episode was ok. The cinematography of the episode was rather lacking at points and without some of the conversations with Nile and Pixis, the confrontation is somewhat oversimplified.

The conversation between Erwin and Zackley broke my heart. Implying the two would have anything in common is outrageous, and Erwin's reaction to the comparison is the proof of it. Erwin was so human and vulnerable in that moment that I thought finally they did justice to his character.

EREN'S ABS WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH TO REPLACE ERWIN'S AND LEVI'S ABS!!! THAT'S THE WORST BETRAYAL EVER, WIT!!!!!

I like that there is more and more dialogue and information during the recent episodes!

i thought it was good. at the time i was sad the "do you remember your father's sin" reveal wasn't the cliffhanger but since it was the opening for this episode and it was amazing in my opinion i have no problems.

Eren is hot

Erwin=Daddy

That cliffhanger with Historia was great! I wonder if they'll be able to replicate the one in the manga where it looks like she's about to inject herself. It'll be disappointing if they don't.

The Hange monologue at the end, however, with Levi's input was really weird and it didn't make much sense to me how they could infer so many ""clues"" about the truth and the Reiss family from what Hange was telling. The same is true about Armin's sudden but oh so convenient musings about how Eren inherited his titan powers. It was clear foreshadowing, but really badly executed.

i was waiting for this question on ep 5 poll, thnks! Well my thought were "there's no way they'll animate the shit machine" and "I WANT MOAR LEVI"

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 468 Responses

We overlooked a platform this week, our apologies! 

Oi where's the 4chan option

Thank you again to everyone who participated. We’ll see you back on Tuesday! 

[cybernightwanderer]

I went over the “How to Recognize the Signs of Mental and Emotional Abuse” article and heres whats familiar : 46 out of 64 Signs LOL

-Name-calling. They’ll blatantly call you “stupid,” “a loser,” or words too awful to repeat here. There were too many times my mom would come to my room yelling and threatning to beat, or actually beat me up and call me a whore and a piece of shit. Still does, just doesnt call me a whore now, just calls me stupid and a a piece of shit occasionally. -Character assassination. This usually involves the word “always.” You’re always late, wrong, screwing up, disagreeable, and so on. Basically, they say you’re not a good person. Everyday AALL DAY. Things i used or barely did as a child , and keeps trowing at as an adult. -Yelling. Yelling, screaming, and swearing are meant to intimidate and make you feel small and inconsequential. It might be accompanied by fist-pounding or throwing things. No need to even explain this. -Patronizing. “Aw, sweetie, I know you try, but this is just beyond your understanding.” “Ah nooo, youll never be responsible to have your own life” -Public embarrassment. They pick fights, expose your secrets, or make fun of your shortcomings in public. Yup...

-Dismissiveness. You tell them about something that’s important to you and they say it’s nothing. Body language like eye-rolling, smirking, headshaking, and sighing help convey the same message. Trying to explain to her i dont like something or i dont wanna do something and why, trying to explain certain things she does harms me. And i just get mocked and threatned instead. - Insults of your appearance. They tell you, just before you go out, that your hair is ugly or your outfit is clownish. Every single day. Also to a point that she did this many times in front of strangers, or in front of my friends.

-Belittling your accomplishments. Your abuser might tell you that your achievements mean nothing, or they may even claim responsibility for your success. Yup -Put-downs of your interests. They might tell you that your hobby is a childish waste of time or you’re out of your league when you play sports. Really, it’s that they’d rather you not participate in activities without them. I stopped practising my drawing skills because she would always say i had no future in drawing characters and shitty stuff. Even tho i was starting and practising. That i had no future in it. -Pushing your buttons. Once your abuser knows about something that annoys you, they’ll bring it up or do it every chance they get. Daily picking fights with me, the yells at me for fighting with her and misstreats me. -Threats. Telling you they’ll take the kids and disappear, or saying “There’s no telling what I might do.” Threatning to kick me off the house whenever i refuse to do something she tells me to. For example, a few years ago, i was barely holding on with a minimal wage , she would take a cut out of it, so there was this month i did a whole month without days off to try and gather money to go to barcelona. She knew i had money saved up and threatened to kick me off the house if i didnt give her extra 100 euros for house rent. Usually stuff like this always. -Monitoring your whereabouts. They want to know where you are all the time and insist that you respond to calls or texts immediately. They might show up just to see if you’re where you’re supposed to be. If i go out with my friends or stay in my friends houses, if i go to a concert or anything, she will non stop be calling me and texting until i reply. Even if i already told her who i would be with and where ( i have to tell her always ) And always have to tell what i am doing. If i dont she will be mad for weeks and take it out on me. -Digital spying. They might check your internet history, emails, texts, and call log. They might even demand your passwords. Like the previous one, she asks my aunt to sent her my ig stuff and fb stuff i post, so i had to remove my entire family from my social network. Because she would always come up to me daily “ ah u posted this why? “ wether it would be a selfie or a poem. And is always messaging me on whatsapp and humiliating me and crontrolling wich picture i post on whatsapp. I generaly like to post my user photo of whatsapp as something funny, wether its my face with a filter, or a funny meme. Two months ago i posted a guy with his ass pinned up, wich was hilarious. She kept yelling at me everymorning, and even threatned to hit me , to take the picture down , because it looked bad. The picture was something like this ( not this, but the pose kinda )

- Unilateral decision-making. They might close a joint bank account, cancel your doctor’s appointment, or speak with your boss without asking. ALWAYS does these kinds of things without my consent. I work 12h a day everyday, im always tired, and i barely have money , and she “trying to take care of me “ will settle apointments for really expensive doctors witouth asking me if i even want, and will get mad at me when i tell her to cancel , saying im a big girl that i have to do it, SO i have to take out sometype of time during my busy work day to make a call to cancel something she settled without even asking me , and will be mad for weeks and take it out on me calling me names and shit. And if i dont accept her “ lending me the money for the apointment “ she will get mad and call me ungratfull and stupid. -Financial control. They might keep bank accounts in their name only and make you ask for money. You might be expected to account for every penny you spend. Well yeah.. dont even need to say anything here. - Lecturing. Belaboring your errors with long monologues makes it clear they think you’re beneath them.  Or here... -Direct orders. From “Get my dinner on the table now” to “Stop taking the pill,” orders are expected to be followed despite your plans to the contrary. This daily basis. -Outbursts. You were told to cancel that outing with your friend or put the car in the garage, but didn’t, so now you have to put up with a red-faced tirade about how uncooperative you are. Always calling me lazy and shit for not doing HER OWN STUFF. -Treating you like a child. They tell you what to wear, what and how much to eat, or which friends you can see.  I am 30 years old. -Feigned helplessness. They may say they don’t know how to do something. Sometimes it’s easier to do it yourself than to explain it. They know this and take advantage of it. Whatever happends she always plays the pity party card “ ahh im old” , “ ahhh i had an aneurism ( even tho she has been fine for two/three years now LOL )”, “ ahh my blood pressure “ She used that as an excuse to always ditch arguments or important discussions when she is loosing, and if i dont shut up she will threaten to kick me off the house or beat me. For example the other day she was shamming me out of nowhere from trying to commit suicide, and i told her she was one of the main reasons. She immediatly started to call me names, tried to hit me, and trow me out of the car. -Unpredictability. They’ll explode with rage out of nowhere, suddenly shower you with affection, or become dark and moody at the drop of a hat to keep you walking on eggshells. She flips randomly during the day, im afraid to leave my room. Or that she will enter my room. -They walk out. In a social situation, stomping out of the room leaves you holding the bag. At home, it’s a tool to keep the problem unresolved. She humiliates me in public then randomly walks out. -Using others. Abusers may tell you that “everybody” thinks you’re crazy or “they all say” you’re wrong. She likes to tell her friends and our family how “ irresponsable”, “immature” and no good for nothing i am, and how i am LEECHING her off... LOL -Jealousy. They accuse you of flirting or cheating on them. Usualy when i game or sometimes, ppl call me and talk to me, and she will eavesdropp my conversation and enter my room to hear better, or later wait until i leave the room , to complain about how i treat my friends so well , and speak so well to them , and how it is possible that i talk to her bad all the time and treat her like shit (? LOL ) Well for starters my friends dont misstreat me or call me names, or try to humiliate me or control me LOL or even pick fights with me. She will get mad at me for not wanting to spend time with her, and spending time with my friends. That im ungratefull and a bad daughter. LOL -Turning the tables. They say you cause their rage and control issues by being such a pain. This, that its my fault. That its my fault everything. - Denying something you know is true. An abuser will deny that an argument or even an agreement took place. This is called gaslighting. It’s meant to make you question your own memory and sanity. For example the other day , olso on the car, with the suicide attempt talk, i was trying to explain why and i told her my most painfull memory of her, was her beating me up for not knowing how to solve a math problem in 3rd grade. That she punched me several times because she tought i had awnsered 7 instead of 1. And she started yelling at me saying i made that up and shit. Like bitch i was afraid of doing my homework home because you would beat the crap out of me, instead of teatching me LOL. She once again used the “ blood pressure “ excuse and tried to hit me and kick me off the car in mid highway. -Using guilt. They might say something like, “You owe me this. Look at all I’ve done for you,” in an attempt to get their way. Ahh this is a classic. She says i owe her everything she asks for because SHE BIRTHED ME AND RAISED ME. And she used this argument to manipulate me in everything. -Goading then blaming. Abusers know just how to upset you. But once the trouble starts, it’s your fault for creating it. Yup -Denying their abuse. When you complain about their attacks, abusers will deny it, seemingly bewildered at the very thought of it. According to her, she just does everything she does because she cares LOL. -Accusing you of abuse. They say you’re the one who has anger and control issues and they’re the helpless victim. LOLOLOL cannot say this enought, SHE ACCUSES ME of being the abusive one , simply because i talk back, because i dont wanna be around her and because i fight with her LOL. Even tho she starts the fights and im just defending myself from her. -Trivializing. When you want to talk about your hurt feelings, they accuse you of overreacting and making mountains out of molehills. Yup -Saying you have no sense of humor. Abusers make personal jokes about you. If you object, they’ll tell you to lighten up. Yup -Blaming you for their problems. Whatever’s wrong in their life is all your fault. You’re not supportive enough, didn’t do enough, or stuck your nose where it didn’t belong.  ALSO YUP -Destroying and denying. They might crack your cell phone screen or “lose” your car keys, then deny it. Tried to break my things numerous of times, or trash them or give them away. Wich she did. -Demanding respect. No perceived slight will go unpunished, and you’re expected to defer to them. But it’s a one-way street. Yup... She will  happly tell me how to dress saying what im wearing is ugly, i will politely tell her to stop, she will continue to give her “opinion” i will get tired and yell to stop , she will immediatly demand respect and tell me i have no right to talk back at her and that im disrespectfull and stupid. -Shutting down communication. They’ll ignore your attempts at conversation in person, by text, or by phone. Yup -Dehumanizing you. They’ll look away when you’re talking or stare at something else when they speak to you. Yup -Keeping you from socializing. Whenever you have plans to go out, they come up with a distraction or beg you not to go. Also Yup She wouldnt let me go out if i didnt do my bed, and would make up shit just so i wouldnt go out, until i got tired and gave up. -Trying to come between you and your family. They’ll tell family members that you don’t want to see them or make excuses why you can’t attend family functions. Well she constantly came in between my first real good therapist. I was finally seeing  a good therapist a few years ago. I was finally relieved and tought i could trust him, all of a suddent she demanded to be in the therapy sessions. So in the sessions instead of talking about what upset me and her constant mental abuse, the therapist gave in to her demands, and started adressing HER issues with me. I remenber the LAST time i decided to attend the doctor. He would first attend my mom , then me. So i came up, and he started his usual talks, and i wanted to talk to him that day about the nightmares i was having and if he could help me. And all of a suddent he cut the conversation off by saying “ ah wait so your mother tells be you have been staying a lot of time on your computer “ “ that you dont socialize with your friends and that you dont go out “ I mean i wonder why i get stuck in my pc and dont go out with my friends LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL She would always cut me off from meeting my friends, she would always control me, so i had less interest or courage to make friends year by year. And gaming was the only thing that brought me joy in my shitty depressed life coz i couldnt develop any interests. -Withholding affection. They won’t touch you, not even to hold your hand or pat you on the shoulder. They may refuse sexual relations to punish you or to get you to do something. She wil straight up give me the cold shoulder, ignore me if she is mad because i didnt do something how she wanted. When i had hand surgery, she refused to go with me, or get me. By me it was ok , she didnt need to go or anything. So after surgery i told the doctors i would take myself home, and why. And they didnt allowe me and still called my mom even thought i told them she wouldnt. She treated me so badly after picking me up from the hospital because they called her. -Tuning you out. They’ll wave you off, change the subject, or just plain ignore you when you want to talk about your relationship. Yup -Actively working to turn others against you. They’ll tell co-workers, friends, and even your family that you’re unstable and prone to hysterics. YUP -Calling you needy. When you’re really down and out and reach out for support, they’ll tell you you’re too needy or the world can’t stop turning for your little problems.  YUP -Interrupting. You’re on the phone or texting and they get in your face to let you know your attention should be on them. Yup -Indifference. They see you hurt or crying and do nothing. Yup - Disputing your feelings. Whatever you feel, they’ll say you’re wrong to feel that way or that’s not really what you feel at all. Yup

[tmntreasures]

Honor Among Thieves Ch.14

Note: It’s another long one, so I’m putting it under “Keep Reading!” Hope you enjoy! ;P

With the help of Raphael, Aida was able to wrestle Bonnie to sleep after about thirty or so minutes. Aida turned in for the night soon after, but the turtles stayed up doing their nightly activities. Once it was morning again Aida left for her family, but Bonnie was lost in deep sleep. Her eyes flickering, as her mind dreamed. It conjured a scene believable to what she was currently living in real life, except there was one thing out of place...

"Drake?" She narrowed her eyes in disbelief when she saw the rapper waltz into the main room of the lair with a baby in his arms.

"Yeah… Long time no see." He answered while staring down at the baby.

Bonnie grinned happily and clasped her hands together. "You remember me from the two thousand and sixteen concert? I stole my way into the backstage meet n greet!"

"Yup," He finally looked up at her as well as gazing around the room. "Sooo...This your crib?"

She scoffed and laughed nervously. "Nah… Just some stupid boys I know." She stopped and licked her lips. "Sooo... Can we have sex?" She asked.

Drake clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. "I got a damn baby in my arms!" He gestured to the child.

"Well, just give 'em to the rat! He's old like a grandpa and stuff..." She shrugged.

"There's a rat here?" He raised a brow.

"Mhmm, and four turtles." She nodded and shrugged.

Drake couldn’t help but to laugh a little. "What the fuck?"

"I know, but you get used to it." She laughed with him.

He stared at the baby for a while in thought, before clicking his tongue again. "Alright." He sighed and put the child to the side.

"Yay!" Bonnie clapped her hands happily and quickly ran over to him. He put a hand to her check and leaned forward to kiss her. Right as their lips were about to meet, she could feel herself being shaken out of her dream. At first, she thought Drake was calling out her name, but after a few seconds the voice started to alter into someone else’s.

“Bonnie… Bonnie… Bonnie wake up!” Leonardo ordered as he shook her shoulders lightly.

She opened her eyes slowly as she was dazed. It took her eyes a few secnds to adjust and when she saw who was standing over her, she growled. "You're not Drake." She pulled her covers up and over her head.

"That is correct." He huffed and grabbed the blanket, yanking it off her.

She gasped a little and latched onto it, pulling it back to her. "Leo, fuck ooofff!" She grumbled as her head began to pound. "I mean- What time is it anyways, you shouldn't even be awake."

"It's seven in the morning, and you wanted jiu jitsu training. Remember?" He said before grabbing her by the ankles and pulling her off the couch.

"No!!" She cried out and dug her claws into the furniture, trying to hold on. "I was just kidding! I'm good!" She whined.

"There's no escaping now. Not even if I have to drag you to the dojo." He smirked and promptly did so.

Her hangover was starting to settle in hard, making it hard to resist him. "No, Dojo Daddy please!" She begged and she was pulled across the floor.  "Don't punish meee..."

Meanwhile, above the surface, Aida was prepping lunches for her siblings again. Riqui and Rosa were both sitting next to each other, their eyes glued to the comic book Michelangelo had lent to her.

"Aida!" Rosa looked up and pointed at the one of the pages, "What's this word?"

"Gonna have to spell it out for me," She responded as she began to make PB&J sandwiches. Breakfast took longer than usual to make since the twins got excited over the comic book. She had to tell them they were only borrowing it and told them to be gentle with it; of course then she had to scold them when they almost ripped a corner, which made them cry and then she had to calm them down. For six thirty in the morning, they were already being so emotional.

"D-o-u-c-h-e," Riqui answered for her.

"Oh, that's 'douche'," Aida replied.

"Well, what is it?" They both asked.

She hesitated, but before she could make something up, Montae hopped down the steps and answered. "It's a weird thing girls use to clean their coño."

"Montae!" Aida snapped at him and shook a finger, "Language! They're eight!"

"So?" He shrugged, snagging an apple from the fridge and dodging her slap. "I heard worse things from--" He stopped when he saw the comic book and snatched it from the table, ignoring the twins' cries. "W-where did you get this!?" His eyes were wide as he flipped through the pages before staring at the cover.

Aida furrowed her brow before answering, "A friend lent it to me so the twins could read it. Why?"

He snapped up at her and pointed at the thin book, "This issue is worth two grand and he let you give it to some babies?! Es un maldito idiota!"

"Hey!" She growled at him. "He's not an idiot, he's just nice!"

He huffed and shook his head. "Nice people are idiots, hermana," he clicked his tongue and shook the issue. "Betchu he's trying to get in your pants. Better watch it~."

It was her turn to scoff and she rolled her eyes. "Yeah right," She argued. "I'm not his type." She finished packing their lunches and snapped her fingers. "Go get Orlan and give me the comic book, it's time for you guys to go to school."

"But we're not done reading it!" Rosa complained.

"And you will finish reading it tomorrow," Aida explained. "There's no way I'm leaving any of you alone if that comic really is worth that much!" She held out her hand and glared at her brother.

 He hesitated and finally clicked his tongue, handing it back to her. "Fiiiine..." He stomped up the stairs and soon the four of them were ushered off to school before the girl returned to the lair below, the comic issue tucked safely in her bag.

"Stop it." Leonardo said sternly as he dodged the kisses Bonnie was trying to put on him.

"What?" Bonnie giggled and grinned. "C'mon, you can't say this wouldn't catch you off guard in a fight." She fidgeted trying to get out of the hold he had her in.

"No one would fall for this in real life!" He argued.

Bonnie clicked her tongue and smirked. "Your brothers did!" She perked her brows at him.

Leonardo growled and sat up on his knees. "If you're not gonna take this seri-" He stopped when he saw her trying to crawl off and he grabbed her by pants and pulled her back. "Listen!! Ugh... You're worse than Mikey, I swear."

"Uggh! We've been at this for hours! I haven't even eaten breakfast!" She groaned.

"It's called discipline! Once you actually participate, you can have food!" He responded.

---

Raphael was watching them from the other side of the room, chuckling at the torture Bonnie was putting his brother through. It was fun seeing Leonardo get frustrated and flustered; it showed the fearless leader had weaknesses after all.

"Wait, she's actually doing the training?" Aida piped up as she entered the lair.

"Yeah," Raphael answered, his eyes never leaving the girl's form as she struggled beneath the blue-clad turtle. "She's really putting up a fuss. It's really cute."

The latina girl raised a brow at him and smacked his arm. "Ooooh. The big one does like chocolate~." She teased.

"N-not like that!" He defended himself, shrugging away from her. "It's just...i-it's funny, okay? Leo says he can do sooo much better than all of us, but even he's having problems with her!" He grumbled and began to walk off. "Where's my egg? I need to keep practicin'..."

---

Bonnie huffed as she sat up on her knees. "If I manage to punch you in the jaw, will you let me go eat then?"

Leonardo scoffed, "You can tr-" He stopped and moved out of the way when she swung at him. "Like I was saying-" He moved again.

"Hold still will ya?" She growled and swung at him again. This time he caught her fist and countered her with a punch back in the arm. "Ow!!" She screamed and immediately tended to her shoulder. "What the fuck?" She hissed.

He shrugged. "What? I'm not allowed to hit back?"

---

"Yo, it's too early for this..." Michelangelo yawned as he strolled into the kitchen of the lair.

Donatello noticed Michelangelo walk in; the noise had awoken the tech-loving ninja as well, but he spent his time making some coffee and checking out the police chatter. "Mornin' sunshiiine!" He teased his little brother.

"Mmm" Mikey grumbled and dropped a pair of poptarts in a toaster. "How long have they been at it?" He yawned again.

"For a couple of hours," Donatello answered before turning to the monitors. "I kinda got good news though. I've been keeping tabs on gang activity and it looks like whoever was after the girls got bored." He frowned a little and shrugged. "So...they won't need us anymore."

---

Aida shook her head as she watched the two spar. "Go for his elbow!" She hollered at Bonnie. "He's ticklish there!"

"Nah, behind the knee!" Raphael added as he walked back to the viewing area, the egg in his hand. "He hates it there!"

---

"Look," Bonnie said in a hushed tone. "Let’s make a deal. I let you win, and you let me eat. Everyone will see how high and mighty you are. That's what you want right?" She nodded.

Leonardo smirked and shook his head. "You say it like you could actually beat me. Also, I'll get more satisfaction out of it if I can actually break you."

She groaned. "I'm not a fighter!" She whined.

"Well what would you do if ran into somebody while stealing?"

"I would run! That's what I do! I run! I could out run you!" She nodded.

He scoffed. "No you couldn't."

She narrowed her eyes at him, but an idea came to mind and she raised her brows. "Wanna make a bet?"

Leo mimicked her expression and crossed his arms. "I'm listening."

"We race, I win, you let me eat. If you win-"

"You will call me sensei. No more Dojo Daddy…" He interjected.

She smirked and shrugged. "Deal."

---

"A race?" Raphael echoed.

"I feel like I've seen this before..." Aida mumbled as she recalled the story of the Tortoise and the Hare. She looked at Raphael and held out her hand. "One hundred pesos says she wins."

He gave her an incredulous look and huffed. "I don't have that kind of money! Besides, I know how fast she is. Of course she'll win!"

Aida smirked and shrugged, "Dude, one hundred pesos is five bucks."

He furrowed his brow in disbelief, "Wait, seriously? Why didn't you just say that then?"

She wiggled a finger at him. "Because it's fun to see people who don't know get flustered."

---

"Alright," Leonardo stood up on his feet and held out a hand to Bonnie to help her up too. Bonnie huffed and stood up on her own. Leo sighed a little and walked out of the dojo. He nodded in the direction of the exit they used for the turtle van. Its pathway was clear since the van was currently waiting outside the sewers. "There." He said. "Well start at the entrance, go all the way down, and then circle back."

Bonnie laughed mischievously and walked to the couch to get her shoes. "You about to get schooled boy."

---

"Don't look so sad Donnie!" Mikey responded as he waited on his poptarts to be cooked. He leaned back on the counter and crossed his arms. "This just means we don't have to worry about them as much, aaannddd-" He pointed a finger at him. "It also means we can visit now!" He grinned.

"Visit?" Donatello furrowed his brow and smirked a little. "You really think they're gonna let us visit them?" He nodded off in the direction the girls were in. "Aida's got a large family, so good luck staying hidden from them. And Bonnie..." He paused and frowned, watching the girl getting ready for her race with Leonardo. "...I don't know if she'll want us to visit."

"Aww, c'mon. Bonnie?" Michelangelo looked over in her direction as well. "I think she just plays hard like Raph, but deep down inside she's got a creamy center."

“You ready for an ass whoppin?!" Bonnie taunted loudly as she bounced back and forth on her feet.

Michelangelo cringed at her remark and licked his bottom lip. "Uhh.. Besides! If we can't hang out with them, we'll just take them out! Go to the Statue of Liberty,  watch a basketball game or something." He finished and just as he did his poptarts popped from the toaster. He immediately went after them and flinched back when they burnt his fingers. "Ow!" He hissed and stuck them in his mouth.

Donatello hummed in thought and shrugged. "I guess so..." He was a little hopeful the girls would still want to be friends with them; after all, their three other human contacts did.

---

"All I hear is a lot of bark. No bite." Leo held out his arms and shrugged. "Aida! Count us down," he ordered and then got into position.

Raphael sat on a ledge and grinned, still fiddling with the egg. This was going to be great! Leonardo could finally get a taste of just how tricky this girl was; then he would have to admit it was never his fault she got away in the first place! He tapped Aida's arm and grinned, "Be sure to record the ending. I wanna re-watch Leonardo's face when he loses."

Aida giggled and nodded before holding her hand in the air. "Five...! Four...! Three...! Two...! One, GO!" She slapped her hand down, signaling for the two to begin.

As soon as the final word left Aida's mouth, the two were off. They were head to head for a while, sometimes one advancing the other, but neither of them ever got too far behind. When they were coming up to the turn, Leo glanced over to Bonnie for a moment and saw that she was looking right back at him. She gave him a mischievous grin before looking forward again. This was where she kicked it up.

Instead of touching the floor with her hand and turning back, she kicked off the wall in front of her, using the moment to give her a boost. She dashed off when she touched the floor, and it was double the speed she was running before. Leonardo cursed under his breath when she cut the turn so cleanly; wondering why he hadn't thought of something like that himself. He thought about how he might make it if he pushed himself into a sprint, but realized it was an useless effort. She was fast, really fast. Faster than him, but he was gonna finish this race. Even if it was after her.

Bonnie cackled when she crossed the finish line. Taking in a deep breath and grinning at Leo when he came in several seconds after her. "Dojo daddy for life!!" She pointed at him.

He stared down at her and thought about excuses he could make to justify his lost, like how she was smaller and thinner than he was, and how in a real race if she didn't touch the ground she would be disqualified, but he knew there was no glory in being a sore-loser. Instead he stood tall and smiled at her. "Good job." He patted her shoulder and walked past her. "What would you like to eat? I'm cooking."

Bonnie blinked in surprise at how well he was taking the loss. It was definitely not the reaction she expected, or the reaction she wanted. "…Wait, what?" She called out to him.

---

"Aww what? Leonardo's gonna cook?! I would've waited if I knew that!" Michelangelo whined and tossed down the half eaten-poptart in front of him.

Aida grinned and cheered loudly, "Yeaaah! Kicked his ass puta!"

Raphael was grinning widely and threw his arms in the air, inadvertently throwing the egg across the room. "Yeaah!" He cheered and ran up to Bonnie, scooping her up easily before setting her on his shoulder. "Ya did it! Ya beat his smug lil' face!" He held on to her legs as he spun around, laughing and grinning.

Bonnie gasped a little when Raph picked her up, though she smiled when she saw how excited and proud of her he was. She giggled and puffed out her chest, placing a hand to it. "Well, ya know. Somebodies gotta do it~"

Leonardo rolled his eyes and went to the cupboards. "Do you like pancakes?" He hollered out.

"Hell yeah, I like pancakes! Oh!--" She snapped her fingers and pointed. "Throw in the nutella we got!"

Leonardo chuckled and sighed. "Fine."

"Ooh! And we still have some strawberries left I think!" Michelangelo added.

"Woohoo! Pancakes! Pancakes!" Aida began to cheer as Donatello rose from his seat.

"Wow! You actually beat him!" The lean turtle beamed, clearly impressed. He knew she had been fast, but not that fast. The girl really was like a rabbit.

"I told you guys," Raphael huffed, still carrying the girl as he walked over to their little dining area. "But did you guys listen? Nooo!" Very slowly he squatted down and slid her to the floor, smirking proudly when he noticed he didn't hurt her this time around. Bonnie stood up proud, placing her hands on her hips and grinning widely.

Michelangelo walked over to the kitchen table and pulled out a chair for him to sit in, He leaned back in it and crossed his arm. "I always knew she could do it." He smirked.

"How?" Leonardo asked as he mixed the ingredients together for pancakes. "We just decided to have a race."

Mikey shrugged and kicked his feet up onto the table. "I could see the urge for a challenge in your eyes." He clenched his fist at his brother. Leonardo rolled his eyes.

"Man, I forgot how good that felt." Bonnie put a finger to her lips and smiled more. She glanced around at the other turtles and raised a brow. "Anyone else wanna go? I can wear heels if it would make it easier on ya." She teased.

Donatello laughed and raised a hand, "I'll go! But, please don't wear heels. I see April wear those and don't know how she does it..." Without thinking, he pulled out a chair for Bonnie to sit in.

Raphael, of course, jabbed his thumb into his own chest. "I'd like a rematch! This time, I won't get stuck in no alley!" He grinned, loving the idea of a second chance to catch her.

"Okay, we watched the same race right?" Aida gestured between herself and the giant turtle, sitting next to Michelangelo. "She fuckin' flew!"

"Well, yeah..." He shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. "But I still wanna try!"

Bonnie couldn't help but grin ear to ear from all the praise she was getting. It reminded her of her younger days in high school when she was on the track team. "Try all you like big boy, but you ain't gonna beat me~" She said, sliding into the chair Donatello had pulled out for her.

"Oooh, I'll try," He grinned playfully. "And one day, I will!"

"I'm good." Michelangelo replied. "I know when I'm beat." He nodded.

Donatello rolled his eyes but smiled, sitting down at the table. "Better get used to it," He told Bonnie. "In case you haven't noticed, Raphael is stubborn. Once he's got his mind made up, nothing will change it."

The large turtle huffed, "Damn right!" He paused and began to search frantically for a particular item. "H-hey! Where's my egg at?"

"You threw it, remember?" Aida answered. "Right before you picked up Bonnie."

He grabbed his head and groaned. "Arrggh! Damn it! I was doing so good!"

"Well, you managed to pick Bonnie up without crushing her," Donatello grinned. "So I don't think you need it anymore."

"Wait, that's why you were carrying that thing around?" Bonnie raised a brow at Raph. "Practicing for little ol' me?" She teased and poked him in the arm with a finger.

He blushed and shrugged away from her. "W-well, you know. I was sick of making you cry..."

"Aww!" She cooed and squeezed his arm. "You do have a heart afterall!"

"Or a hard on..." Michelangelo mumbled.

Raphael punched Michelangelo hard in the arm but kept the smile on his face. He took the spot in between the girls. The five of them talked as they waited for the food, laughing and having a good time.

After about fifteen minutes, Leonardo came to the table with two stacks of pancakes. One shorter stack coated with nutella and strawberries, and a larger regular stack. He sat the nutella pancakes in front of Bonnie, and then the regular pancakes in the middle of the table for everyone else to share.  He passed out plates and silverware before setting down next to Donatello. "Dig in." He said.

"Oooh!" Bonnie cooed and grabbed a fork. "This looks so good! I can't believe you act-" She stopped and shook her head. "Thanks."

Leonardo waited with his fingers intertwined for everyone else to dig in before he did. "You're welcome." He smiled and nodded.

Donatello took four pancakes while Raphael grabbed six. Aida only took two and nodded at their stacks. "Better be happy you boys work out so much. Otherwise you wouldn't have six-packs," She nodded, taking a small bite.

"Well, Leo's cooking is really good." Donatello said around a mouthful of food. "But we get so exhausted from training we hardly ever have time to cook."

She frowned a little, "Is that why you guys order so much pizza?"

Raphael shook his head. "No. We order pizza 'cause it's great."

She clicked her tongue and shook her head. "You clearly have never had good tacos."

Mikey jabbed his fork into the stack, pulling three pancakes back to his plate. "Tacos are so messy though." He argued.

“What about sushi?" Bonnie chewed on her food. "Seems like something you guys would be into."

"Sushi's great." Leonardo nodded and grabbed him a plate of pancakes. "But it takes long to make, and fresh fish is better than frozen. Which we aren't going to get any of around here."

Aida chewed her food quickly in order to argue. "But wait. You guys are turtles. You can swim!" She gestured to the room, "Just go for a swim and find some fish in the river or something!"

"Are you talking about the Hudson River?" Donatello pointed a fork at her. "You do realize that river is disgusting right?"

"And you guys live in a sewer," She shrugged.

"Sure, but we're clean about it," Raphael counted on his fingers. "And we're not eating the shit people flush down."

"Not to mention all that pollution might mutate us more than we already are," Donatello chuckled before taking another bite.

"Speaking of which..." Bonnie swallowed. "Is it-gonna rub off on us?"

"What?... The mutation?" Leo raised a brow.

"Yeah." She shrugged.

Leonardo laughed. "No." He shook his head and smiled. "Well, at least I don't think so?" He looked to Donatello for reassurance. "I mean, April and the others have been around us for a pretty long time and no mutations yet." He laughed again.

Raphael shifted in his seat and swallowed. "Well...April's thumbs are kinda wide actually." He pointed to his own thumb, "I don't remember them bein' that way when we first met."

Donatello shook his head, "No, they were like that. It's called 'clubbed thumbs'." Aida cringed a little at the confession, but sighed of relief when the purple turtle corrected him.

The red turtle turned to Bonnie and nodded. "Okay, you're good."

"What's wrong with a little mutation? You guys could be the first giotles!" Mikey chimed in.

"Giotles?" Bonnie repeated.

"Girl turtles!" He grinned and laughed as well.

Bonnie closed her eyes and shook her head. "I should've known." She sighed.

Aida huffed and pointed, "If I had a choice to mutate into something, it wouldn't be a turtle. I'd be a mongoose."

Raphael snorted and shook his head. "A what? That sounds ridiculous. How is that better than a turtle? Can it even swim?"

The girl shrugged, "No idea, but mongooses fight and eat snakes for breakfast. You gotta admit, that's pretty bad ass."

He wiggled his fingers and acted impressed. "Oooh, snaaaakes! So scary~."

Leonardo chuckled and sighed. "Sooo, you girls must be excited to sleep in your own beds again, huh?" He raised his head.

Bonnie's eyebrows perked, and she didn't realize what he had meant right away. "Huh?"

Leonardo blinked and returned her confused look. "Uh...You guys get to leave." He said slowly.

Her eyes grew wider and she was quiet for a few seconds before speaking again. "O-Oh! Right!" She stared down at her plate in thought. Somehow, this place had felt like a second... She frowned at the thought, not wanting to admit it.

The thought didn't shake Aida too badly since she was able to return to the surface every morning. However it still made her frown a little. "Well, sure but...we'll still be allowed to visit right?"

The question took Donatello off guard so Raphael answered instead. "What's this? You sayin you're gonna miss us?"

"I figured I'd ask so I know if I gotta steal something first to get down here." She grinned.

"Of course!!" Mikey jumped in happily. "Visit us whenever you want!"

"Just try not to bring anyone else back with you... We'd like to keep our status unknown to the public." Leonardo added.

"Aww darn," she snapped her fingers, "I was hoping to bring my whole family!".

"Oh, speaking of which! How'd the kids like the comic?" Mikey asked.

"The twins loved it!" Aida beamed. "Montage says the issue is worth a lot of money..." she frowned and nodded off deeper into the room. "I brought it with me so they wouldn't ruin it."

"Yeah, Donatello said it was worth a good amount but-- There's not much we can do with money so I never really worried about it."

"Wait..." Aida looked at him and narrowed her eyes. "You knew it was valuable. And let a bunch of kids read it anyway?"

Mikey smiled a little and shrugged. "Why not?"

"W-well..." she started, completely caught off guard by his selflessness. "Most people wouldn't let kids look at something worth that much..."

"Hmm, it is worth a lot isn't it?" He tapped a finger on his arm and looked up in thought. "You guys don't have much either... Why don't you sell it?" He looked back down to Aida.

Leonardo blinked in surprise and nearly choked on his food. He bumped his fist to his chest to clear his throat. "Wait, what?"

"What?" He looked over to him innocently. "Like I said before, we don't really have much use for money. Practically everything down here we either found, or made." He shrugged again.

"Y-Yeah, but Mikey.." Leo fumbled for words.

Aida's eyes widened and she smacked her head on the table. "No way! I'm not selling your comic book!"

"Well technically, it's not even mine, I just found it." He stuck out his tongue. "Just do it! I want you to have the money! You need it!"

Aida was conflicted. On the one hand, the issue was worth enough to keep her family in the house and fed for a month or two. On the other hand, guilt made her hesitant. They had caught her stealing numerous times, hadn't turned her in, and kept her and her friend safe from a mad man. If she accepted, she would feel like a bum.

"I'm not going to sell your comic book, Michelangelo." She stated firmly. "I...I'll get a job instead!"

Mikey went to speak again, but Leonardo jumped in before he could. "That's very admirable of you Aida." He nodded. "And we're gonna hold you to it." He pointed at her and smiled a bit.

Mikey huffed and leaned back in his chair with crossed arms. He was disappointed when she wouldn't take his offer, and thought he was doing a good deed, but he couldn't force her to do something if she didn't want to. He hummed and tapped his finger on his arm again. "Well... If you ever really need it. The offer still stands."

She nodded at Leonardo before turning to the smaller turtle. "Thank you," she squeezed his arm a little and smiled. "I mean it."

"You're welcome." He said and returned the smile.

---

Bonnie was still fixated on her plate. She touched her food with a fork every once in a while, but didn't put anything in her mouth. She couldn't believe this was really happening. Right now, she was sitting at a table with four, teenage mutant ninja turtles; eating a home cooked meal with them like they were family. Her heart skipped a beat when the thought crossed her mind. Soon they'd be taking her back up the surface and saying their goodbyes... She thought she'd be happy when she left this place, but now she was unsure.

Raphael frowned at Bonnie, noticing the change in her mood. Before he could say anything, Donatello spoke first.

"You okay Bonnie?" The leaner turtle asked, genuinely concerned.

"Huh?" Bonnie perked up. "O-Oh! Yeah, I'm good. My stomach just hurts a little cause I ate so fast." She clenched on to her gut, trying to make the lie a bit more believable.

"Oh," Donatello shrugged, "Well, we should have some medicine if you need it..." he trailed off.

Raphael stared at the girl, knowing she was lying. He knew that tone and that look before. Though he didn't know why she was lying, he still felt a little upset. Things were starting to get good and feel normal. What happened to change that for her all of a sudden?

"Nah, I'll be alright." She waved him off and stood up from her seat. "I'm gonna hit the shower... If we're done with training, Dojo Daddy?" She raised a brow at Leonardo.

He shook his head but smiled. "We're done for the day."

"Good." She nodded, and left the table.

Raphael wanted to go after her but figured she really did need a shower to let whatever she was feeling out. He took another bite before standing. "I'm gonna read some comics."

Inside the shower room, Bonnie had the water running, but wasn't in the shower just yet. She was sitting on the toilet with the lid down, thinking about the conversations they had at the kitchen table. She was going to be leaving this place soon, so why wasn't she happier about it? When she thought about the four turtles and how she got to know them her eyes watered and she clenched back the tears. "What the fuck? This is so stupid!..." She hissed and wiped at her eyes. She sighed and looked up to the ceiling, thinking how she didn't want to say goodbye. Somehow the creatures imprinted on her; though she didn't want to admit it. She wouldn't... With a nod of her head, she had made up her mind and decided that she'd would leave tonight, without saying goodbye.

[babaleshy]

I know I haven’t touched this thing for a while but whatever. I’m gonna rant. Yes, it’s about my folks. Yes, they are Trump supporters. No, I still can’t move out because my husband and I cannot afford it nor is there any jobs in the area that pay enough for us to move out.

On with the rant (plus, like, a mental health update which I will do first).

Going to get re-evaluated for ADHD because as much as I loved seeing Mark for counseling, he wanted to simply focus on my struggles, hence why I was diagnosed with EFD. He was great, helpful, all that. Just... There’s other stuff going on with all of these signs pointing to ADHD, and I actually forget that sometimes symptoms outside of executive functioning issues can get in the way because my depression makes me forget shit.

On top of this, Paulnetta (my new counselor) has referred me to a couple of places to go and get tested for dyslexia and other learning disabilities. What has kept me from getting tested the past couple of months is that my ID expired back in April and I fucking forgot about it. I’m going to the DMV tomorrow to get my ID renewed but will have to wait for it to appear in the mail, now, because of bureaucratic bullshit. Once I get my ID, I can finally get tested for a learning disability and FINALLY apply for goddamn Medicaid.

I’m getting mighty sick of what my parents are pulling. I’ll start with my mom since there’s not TOO much bullshit to bitch about with her like there is with my dad.

My mom still won’t engage much with me in conversation about anything I want to talk about. But the moment she decides to talk, she immediately changes the topic to her favorite country singer or something about horses. I don’t hate horses as in the animal, but looking at anything involving horses has me feeling rage because of her. She keeps getting old horses (never surpassing 3 horses) that aren’t really able to be ridden, wanting a few for companionship so no one feels alone when my mom rides the only one that is capable of being ridden. Horses are social animals. I get this. All fine and well. But my mother does the ABSOLUTE FUCKING BARE MINIMUM care for these animals. They’re healthy and doing okay mentally, but she has yet to ride since I moved back that I can remember. SHE SPENT WHO KNOWS HOW MUCH MONEY ON A ROUND PEN AND SHE STILL HASN’T RIDDEN THE HORSE SHE WANTS TO RIDE. She just sits on the couch on her phone AND tablet watching livestreams of her favorite country singer who has developed this cult surrounding the pledge of allegiance while being on FB interacting with other horse owners. My mom seems to like the aesthetic of the western/country/farm lifestyle without actually LIVING it, and I’m betting it’s because she’s too old and tired from working 6 days a week at a minimum wage job she’s been at since the mid 90s and refused to consider looking for another because she knows people who work there and shop there (small business hardware store). On top of all of this, she refuses to listen to any other radio station unless it’s country, so that plays on constant in the living room for the dog when my parents aren’t home, or she has it on in the truck and wonders why I have my earbuds in. She BLASTS anything she and my dad watch, which includes but is not limited to things like Last Man Standing, NCIS, faux news, and pseudo-hillbilly shit shows from the 60s and 70s on YouTube.

This woman did not interact with me on my terms in the past unless it was something she was interested in. If I distracted her from her soap operas or baseball/football games, she got pissed. As an adult? If she does interact with me, it’s because it involves the topic of money. My mom IMMEDIATELY gets pissed at me when I inquire about our financial situation. I don’t complain, I’m not nosy as fuck, I just wanna know “hey, can I get some help getting thirty-something bucks worth of lumber so I can build shelves for my room since I have no income?” Nope, the topic bothers my mom too much. I don’t even think she listens to me talk to her when she doesn’t participate in conversation because she is just... ADDICTED to FB. Like, hopelessly fucking addicted. And she used to get on my ass about being on MY computer too much in high school! (circa 2005-2007)

And now, onto the dumpster fire that is my father.

The bastard is having us live in a meatlocker. The air is so cold and so dry here that my skin is very dry, my nose is CONSTANTLY running and bleeding, and I’m too cold to do ANYTHING most of the time, including sitting at my desk to do anything from art to surfing the web! He uses his breathing issues as an excuse, but it was never this cold in the summer last year or any years prior. He says it’s to keep the humidity down. By the same damn excuse, because we do NOT have a working ventilation fan, and opening the bathroom window (which faces the street) would expose us and give us no privacy, my dad HAS THE HAIR DRYER RUNNING BY THE BATHROOM SINK WHILE HE SHOWERS. His logic? “The heat will cause the moisture to evaporate!” Not kidding. But he’s huffing and wheezing by the time he’s done in the bathroom. And he won’t listen to me when I tell him just how wrong he is.

The bitter old bastard has whatever they’re watching on blast in the living room. He re-clutters whatever I de-clutter. He tries picking fights with my husband by purposefully trying to engage him in topics my husband doesn’t want to talk about to get my husband to react a certain way (never works because my husband caught on real fast). This is all my dad trying to “establish dominance” or some bullshit like that. He’s flaunting the fact that he can be a piece of shit all he wants to us, and if we put up enough of a fight, he can kick us out. He’s also hoping (and he’s used a similar logic on other shit before in the past) that he pisses us off enough to move out, because he thinks we can move out whenever we want. This guy has not been in the real world since ‘95 or ‘96, and before that, hadn’t had to look for a job since the ‘70s, hadn’t had to look for another place to live since the ‘90s. He has no idea how expensive rent is, how shit the job opportunities are around here, how it’s impossible to find a decent paying job and be expected to make rent while being able to feed one’s self, etc. He is so detached from reality that he’s trying to delude himself that shit still works like it did in the 70s.

I had to make up a lie that I get car sick unless I have my music. The reality of it is that my dad stresses me out so much I fear him bringing up a topic we both know I won’t be able to keep my mouth shut on to where he will then stress me out, threaten my life, and then tell me he threatened my life “just so I would shut up.” So, dad believing that I get car sick without my music, he claims it’s a “problem with the middle ear,” which is a thing with some people, so I’m playing along with that. Gives me an excuse to not listen to my mom’s piece of shit radio station in the truck on those VERY DAMN FEW times she takes me somewhere (seriously, unless it’s to work, seeing a local country concert, or seeing her sister, my mom doesn’t wanna leave the house) and not have to explain to her why I bury my head in my own music when she won’t fucking talk to me about shit I wanna talk about, shit I’ve wanted to talk about since childhood but she doesn’t fucking care. She tried so hard to get me to be like her, wanting to live on a farm, but it failed. She knows it failed. So she doesn’t wanna talk unless it’s about the lifestyle she always wanted.

And this is the weird part, they have views and shit that would make you go “that’s not very typical of a Trump supporter” so because they’re “not so bad” to other moderates or right-wingers, I don’t have a right to complain. My parents know evolution is a thing (yet are climate change deniers), have no problem with me being a Pagan or practicing witchcraft (but will talk shit about Muslims), think that Halloween is too kiddified and the fun is sucked out of it (but there’s a “war on xmas”), and thought I spent way too much time in my room on my computer in high school (but they rarely leave their own internet devices in the living room; dad just has a computer but refuses to touch social media and hates modern technology despite being hopelessly addicted to YouTube). Like...?

Here’s what’s sad...

When my parents first got together and had me, they were a loving married couple with a kid. My brother came along, things were still smooth sailing. Dad gets hurt and we’re plunged into inescapable poverty and all of a sudden dad ignores me, mom ignores me, only interaction is breakfast, dinner, and screaming and belittling. That’s it. There was still favorites, and because the favorite died, it’s like I don’t matter that much to them, especially since I didn’t turn out anything special like they’d hoped for. They won’t own up to their mistakes, they conveniently ignore that half the time growing up I was yelled at for lack of social interaction outside of forced interaction with my brother and having ADHD and anxiety. In fact, I still can’t tell if they’re the cause of my anxiety or if I was born with it because of how young I was when the complete one-eighty with them happened.

And yet they still act like they’ll be wealthy someday, so they support the rich getting tax cuts and worship the cheetoh in office. I think they banked on me and my brother becoming successful and wealthy after high school that they continued to avoid admitting they’re stuck in poverty. Now they think they’ll eventually get wealthy with the fucking royalties on the oil (spoilers: no, lol, they’re kinda getting screwed actually but won’t admit it) or hitting the lottery.

Dad presses all of these money-making ideas onto me, ideas I don’t care about or don’t like, and won’t do it himself. He won’t even write stories to have them published because that would mean he’d have a hobby. Too much work. He even said the whole reason why he got a job at the steel mill was so he didn’t have to think. He literally claimed he’d rather have someone think for him and admitted that he’s proud to be ignorant of technology. No, I’m not kidding.

So my husband and I are forced to live with these two assholes, whose marriage is barely held together (they barely interact with one another, and when they do, half the time one is pissed at the other) and only keep the marriage going because divorce is expensive and at least they’re not as bad as their exes (mom had her jaw broken by an ex, dad was nearly killed by an ex).

Once they move north, we’ll be going with them, attend Kent State, and get the fuck out of Ohio. And I’m never looking back.

[justjoeyyy-blog-blog]

Day 1-10

Here is my journey so far on Carnival Imagination. If you're confused reading my posts then you're on the same track as me. Got thrown into this chaos some people call glamorous. So far I see it as a lot of hard work and trying not to get in trouble.

May 14, 2017 Day 1. Walked into my room to “meet” my roommate. She was sleeping and even though she heard me come in did not budge. So I went out into the hallway to cry so she wouldn’t hear me. When I got back she was showering. Finally we met and she didn’t say anything. I tried to ask her questions but she didn’t seem interested. Then she said bye and left. Another excuse to hysterically cry again. I unpacked and realized she’s using up a lot of what is supposed to be my space. This room is so small it’s humorous. I met two girls: Rain from Texas and Eleanor from England. They room together. Their room seems a little bigger than mine and it’s really cute. They’re super sweet and walked me around the ship. They even found parts of my uniform for me. They said I could join their “gang”. They’re around my age which is nice. Eleanor is dating a guy on the ship. I just got back to my room and have an hour until I have to find my supervisor again. I’m a sweaty mess. It’s impossible to get down from this bunk. I’m trying to relax and my roommate is watching a movie and the volume is ridiculously high. Rain and Elle said she’s mean. They said to watch out for the phillipinos. They said my roommate, Ems, is like 30…I’m so annoyed I want someone who will talk to me and help me through this. So unwelcoming. My schedule says I’ll be switching from O2 to Club Ocean throughout this first cruise. I seriously don’t know anything…my magazines fell down to her bunk and I asked if they fell to her and she didn’t say a word. Just handed them back to me. Wtf.

5-15-17 Day 2. Had to be at medical at 8 this morning. I stood there as everyone walked right past me and into the room. The doctor kept saying to stand outside the door and of course I was the only one who listened. Finally someone asked me what I was there for and she explained to me that I needed to go inside and get my medical and stand in line so they can check me. I don’t understand why no one was helping me in the first place. Getting ready this morning was awful. I had to use my phone flashlight for everything. And the shower was awful. It’s also impossible to get down from this freaking bunk it’s fucking terrible. Eating lunch alone. Caesar salad like from the vacation cruises. It’s actually delicious. This is fucking awful. I can’t stop crying and I feel so nauseous from the boat rocking. I worked from 12-5 in camp ocean on the little side and then had training 7-8. I was supposed to work circle c tonight but someone got sick and now I have to work 9-1 and I have to be somewhere at 845 tomorrow morning. My director Carolina is awful. She wouldn’t stop questioning me on my prior training before coming on board. She didn’t understand why I didn’t know certain things as if I’m supposed to know. I haven’t had time to do anything. I need to organize my stuff more and put my magnets on my name tag. Finally back in my bed. It’s 1:07. Tonight was actually really chill and easy. All these typical kids are so weird and say the weirdest things. My roommate just walked in ugh. So fucking awkward and weird. I’m living with a complete stranger. It was nice to have Elle and Rain to talk to today. I found an easier way to get up and down from my bunk but if my roommate is in her bed then I can’t do it. I only had 3 hours of a break today…my supervisor sucks. She’s so unfriendly. I talked to HR today about my contract and how I’m not supposed to be in camp ocean. That’s not what my contract says. I can’t wait to have access to my phone tomorrow. I’m scared it’s gonna make me upset though. Especially if I hear my mom or dads voice. I’m gonna go to sleep now. Hopefully Ems doesn’t fucking snore.

5-16-17 Day 3: Had to be at a training at 845 this morning for returning and new employees. They had everyone go around and say what they did on vacation even though she knew there was new people there. When I said it was my first contract everyone turned around and looked at me. I could not keep my eyes open during it. They had to cancel the second part of the training thank the lord because now I can go back to bed. In the training they talked all about being comfortable and welcomed and shit and I wanted to scream. Carolina had a talk with me today. She didn’t understand why I went to HR. I fucking hate her. She’s so rude. HR is there for people that need something. I needed to tell him what was going on and how it is wrong and he agreed. She kept saying okay? Do you understand? Yeah? And I would say yes and nod and she would laugh or shake her head because she didn’t think I understood. Then we had build a bear which was actually really fun. Just very loud and hot because of the lights. Then we went and ate at the lido deck. I ate too much. But I finally pooped!

5-17-17 Day 4: Today was MUCH better. I went to bed at 9 last night. Got up at 11. Ate. Came back and went back to sleep until 3. The boat is so freaking rocky and I feel so sick. I’m laying down which helps but when I’m working it’s so bad. None of my cruises have ever been like this. I’ve been eating sour gummy worms when I don’t feel good. The sugar definitely helps me. Tomorrow we get new people for a new cruise. I feel so shitty right now I don’t even want to sit up to take my medicine. Also Ems woke me up earlier because she was playing John legend so loud and singing along. I was like wtf. I feel like a lot of the time she doesn’t realize I’m up in my bunk. I also woke up to her snoring last night.

5-18-17 Day 5: what the actual fuck. I woke up to my roommate and her friends in our room watching a movie. With the sound on. No headphones. It kept me up for over 2 hours. It’s so rude. I wanna punch her. And she doesn’t leave any room for me. I don’t have any hooks or any room on the desk. And she has something in our bathroom that smells so weird. I’m at immigration right now. We’re stopped in Long Beach. I want to get off so bad and do something fun! I start in circle c this cruise with Alana and then Sunday I’m on my own! So scary. There’s still so much to freaking learn. The food we have is so fucking disgusting. All I’ve been eating in the mess hall is mashed potatoes and bread and butter. Thankfully I get to eat at the lido deck when there’s kids lunch and kids dinner. Otherwise I’d be screwed. I just ate my last sour gummy worm :( Thankfully there’s a candy store on board so hopefully they have some! Right now I’m just laying in bed eating some pretzels. My roommate just walked in so I said hi but that’s it. Hopefully she’s leaving. I keep seeing hot guys but I look like poop so I feel like they don’t even look at me. And I constantly have a resting bitch face because I’m so annoyed half the time. I also feel weird being alone because I feel like people realize I’m new and stare at me like I’m fresh bait or something. I got to talk to Alli and my parents on the phone today which was nice. I have so much Shit I have to read. And I have to pass a safety exam which makes me nervous. It’s 12 now. I don’t start work until 2:30. I’ll probably take a nap. There’s not much else to do because I don’t really know the rules yet and what I can and can’t do. It would be nice to go lay out on the deck. Once I get in the hang of things I’m excited to finally get to do stuff. Like go to a resort at one of our stops and also to see friends and family in Long Beach. That’ll be so nice 😊 Lol my roommate just walked out and didn’t even say bye. Today has been a good day. I did my first safety debriefing with Elle. I also helped register kids and walked around and passed out Circle C fliers. I random guest in the elevator gave me candy which was nice. I also participated in my first sail away party which means dancing with the guests. I was so sweaty. I don’t understand how everyone wears coats around and I’m literally dripping sweat. Stephanie (one of the youth girls) asked if I wanted to room with her today. I have a feeling Ems said something. I haven’t done anything wrong. But I did move the chair today and put my luggage underneath the desk instead. Oops. I’m curious if saying hi and bye isn’t a thing in Ems culture…or maybe she’s just rude. My dad wants me to switch rooms so this is perfect. Tonight I start at Circle C with Alana. She’s training me the next few days and then Sunday I’m on my own! Holy shit the boat just started rocking so bad. Lol my roommate just left and again didn’t say bye. What a bitch. Ugh she already came back. Worked circle c tonight with alannah. It went really well! The kids are super cute but some are weird and annoying af. This one family came in and the mom did not understand why her 8 year old was not allowed in our 12-14 club. She had 2 kids that were in that age range and we told her the other child would have to go to camp ocean. Her words “no they stay together. You make an exception” I explained to her it’s against our policy and she still insisted that “you’re gonna make an exception, thank you”. Eventually we had to call our director who also couldn’t get her point across to the family. They then complained to guest services who also said it is not allowed. At first they parents started walking out the door when we had already told them their youngest child cannot stay. Our club is not check in or check out so the kids can come and go as they please, which is a huge reason why we have the age policy. My roommate and I kinda talked but not really. She’s in charge of the O2 club and my club and hers do a lot of stuff together which is kinda awkward. She’s really silly and fun when she wants to be. Alannah said it’s nothing I’ve done, she’s just a tough one to crack. Not sure when I’m moving rooms. It’ll be good though because me and Ems have the same exact schedule which is hard.

Paolo Olesky

5-19-17 Day 6: I seriously can’t stop sweating. My hair looks like I just took a shower but really it’s just sweat. And everyone else are wearing their jackets and I’m here dropping sweat. I think it might be because I’m nervous and still figuring things out. It’s really nerve racking when it comes to talking to guests and making sure our behavior is up to carnivals standards. I worked in circle c from 12-5. It was seriously so much fun. The kids are awesome and also bring me ice cream :p I have to go back at 830 (in 2 hours) and I’ll be there until 1. I honestly don’t mind though because the kids are fun and we get to play games and do activities that I personally enjoy myself, like karaoke. The boat is super rocky as usual. I’ve been wearing these bands but don’t think they’re doing much. Dramamine has been helping though! But it’s not healthy to take that everyday for the next 3 months. Today Carolina told me that me and alannah are going to be rotating between circle c and club ocean……..which is not what I signed up for. Long story short: alannah has been in circle c the past couple of months to cover for the girl that left. Well I came to take over circle c but the office didn’t realize that alannah wanted it and actually already had an interview scheduled. So by the time my director emailed them back saying they didn’t need me, I was already on the plane. I really don’t want to be with the little kids but maybe it won’t be too bad. I’m drunk. Oops. I’ll tell you more tomorrow. I’m being so loud though because my roommate sucks and deserves revenge.

5-20-17 Day 7: I went out last night! There was a techno party in the crew bar. Then we went to the night club. I feel like shit though. My fucking roommate woke me up snoring alllllll night. I just had to go to a safety drill. My director picked me out of everyone…I had no idea what I was doing. And of course now I’m dripping sweat. I can’t wait to buy a fan. Slept all day until I had to work. And of course my roommate was snoring. I took a video of it too lol. When my dad snores if I make any noise he’ll stop but this girl was not buying it. I even turned my alarm on with my phone on full blast and she still didn’t wake up…like wtf. She sounded like a dying bear. Tomorrow Winslow is gonna pick me up. It’ll be nice to get off this damn ship. I have to take my safety exam tomorrow though and move rooms so it’ll be a busy day. Starting tomorrow I’ll be alone in circle c which is really exciting. The kids are super fun but when it comes to the parents I totally freeze up. My throat is starting to hurt. And last time that happened I felt like I was on my death bed. I took a NyQuil praying it helps before it gets worse. It’s been a longgggggg week. Tomorrow morning I get my keys to my new room. Which also means I gotta move all my shit. I’m excited to be on land though and get some stuff done. There’s so many rules with this job it’s crazy. So much paperwork and silly things that have to be done. It’s very confusing and just not needed at all.

5-21-17 Day 8: Today was a really good day. I woke up early and switched rooms. I made sure I was as loud as possible when I was moving my stuff because my rude ex roommate was sleeping. After moving in Winslow came and picked me up. I haven’t seen her in a freaking year. So crazy. We went to brunch with some of her friends and then we went to Rite Aid because I needed to buy some stuff. My supervisor Carolina pissed me off as usual. We were giving out wrist bands to the kids and she ran up to me and Eleanor asking why we were letting the tails hang off of the bands. She said she got a call from someone about it…like wtf. Me and Eleanor were making sure we clicked the extra band back under AKA the phillipino girl also handing out the bands was the one fucking up but of course nothing was said to her. Then Carolina bitched at me for not having my work phone when really she should’ve been yelling at Alana for giving me the phone dead with 0% battery. And no charger. Because she claims she doesn’t have one…….I did circle c by myself tonight. It was so much fun and I already really like the kids. I need to call the office about this whole switching thing because I don’t want to do it and it’s not fair to me.

5-22-17 Day 9: Today was a really good day. Besides the fact that I was startled when my alarm went off this morning and I banged my forehead on the metal shelf next to my bunk. My body is covered in bruises it’s really weird. I got to know a lot more of the kids today. They’re so hilarious. One of the kids though kept making Jewish jokes even after one of the girls (who is Jewish) asked him to stop. He drew a hitler mustache on his face and kept making jokes. Then some girl painted a swastika sign on her hand like wtf? The guy was also making black jokes it really made everyone feel weird (at least I felt uncomfortable). We got to see the magician today who was freaking amazing. He does this trick where he has a deck of cards. He asks one person to say their favorite card out loud. The girl chose 3 of clubs. He tells her to pretend to take it out of the deck, show everyone, then place it back in the deck face down (the other cards are face up) then he snaps his finger, takes the cards out of the box, and the card she pretended to flip over was actually flipped over. The guy is creepy and looks like madame zarooni from the movie holes. Like literally twins. Karaoke was really fun too. My old roommate Ems thinks she can sing and it’s cringeworthy. She sang all of me by John legend which is the same freaking song she was singing when she woke me up the other night. The cutest thing also happened. So the theme for tonight was imaginary Prom because everyone was dressed up for captains dinner. So one of my little boys hands me a piece of paper and asks me to give it to one of the girls in the club. I opened it up and it said “will you go to prom with me? Ps this is ethan”. It was seriously the cutest thing ever. I never realized imaginary prom consisted of playing wii and throwing glow sticks at one another. We also played capture the flag where I met this 15 year old who has already taken 3 AP classes…….I also have 2 kids in my club that are goth/emo and they say the saddest things! Half the time they’re joking but at the same time really mean it. They say their favorite color is black just like their souls and just weird stuff. They said I’m weird too so I’m allowed to join their group. They’re super sweet though and totally helped me clean up the club without me even asking. The place was a mess. These kids literally throw their trash on the ground as if it’s nothing. Well it’s 1:37 and I need to go to sleep. I can tell I’m starting to get a cold and I really need to stop it before it turns into something worse. And I’m very low on sleep. I can’t wait to have access to my phone tomorrow.

5-23-17 Day 10: Today has been a really good day. I had training this morning which actually answered a lot of my questions. Work was good too. We did crafts and talked. The 2 emo kids were saying weird stuff again and painting all their stuff black. They said they really like me though which makes me feel good. The emo girl said something under her breath about killing herself. One of the other girls turned to her and said why would you want to kill yourself? She responded and said I dunno, I hate myself, I tried to slit my wrists 2 weeks ago but it didn’t work. It completely broke my heart. Also while she was saying weird things one of the boys out loud said “she’s gonna commit suicide on day.” It baffles me that these kids (aged 11-14) are saying things like that. I think I’m gonna talk to the emo girl later one on one. She said she goes to counseling because she’s “messed up”. It just makes me so sad. And knowing that she likes me and likes to hang out with me makes me think she’ll feel comfortable talking. I actually just ate dinner with the 2 emo kids as well as the 2 Jewish siblings that are in my club. They’re super freaking weird but very mature so it’s easy to talk to them. I think I’m gonna get off the boat tomorrow with Elle. If not I’m gonna lay out. I don’t start until 4. I haven’t been outside at all besides at night time. My head is KILLING me where I hit it on that metal shelf. There’s a little bump now. My mom said she sent me a package so I’m looking forward to that. Alli said she did too. The only package I got so far is my medications lol. I think robin and Larry might come pick me up on Sunday. I desperately need a haircut 💇🏽