#these are all things that I think would be really funny if they happened

[alarajrogers]

If you want to make your whole identity about the shortage of serotonin in your neurological system, well, that's an interesting choice. But if not... depression is a malfunction that blocks your brain from doing what it is supposed to do, what your identity and self would otherwise dictate that it do. Medication doesn't change you, who you are, unless you identify as a person who can't do any of the things you want to do because you can't really want them, you don't have the energy to do them, or they don't make you happy the way they should.

Here is a vastly oversimplified description of one of our current theories of how depression works. There's some evidence that maybe this isn't quite how it goes, but we've been operating on this paradigm since the 90's and it's helped millions of people, so lets go with it for now.

There are three neurotransmitters that most antidepressants work on. You've got many others, but these are the ones they make most depression medication to affect, so we';ll talk about them. Vastly oversimplified: dopamine regulates desire and motivation, norepinephrine regulates energy flow, and serotonin regulates happiness, satisfaction, contentment... probably involved in other moods as well, but for this model, we're talking about happiness. (Not pleasure. That's dopamine and endorphins and oxytocin and I think maybe vasopressin. Just happiness.)

Let's say you're a normal person, no mood disorders, no dysregulation disorders, you don't have ADHD, you don't have fatigue, everything works great. You're not hungry and you're not tired, and you see something you want, or that you want to do. So here's what happens.

First, neurons recognize that that's something you want, based on the gestalt of all your memories and experiences and genetics -- who you are. This is a kind of wanting, but it's more like a precursor to the want most of us feel most of the time that we want things. It's more of a "hey, wouldn't it be nice if" feeling than a full desire. That comes next, though honestly, this is all happening too fast for you to perceive the stages.

Your neurons that recognize you want something release dopamine. Dopamine is the substrate of want. It is willpower and motivation. It's also cravings when levels get too high.

Now you feel the want. It's not a "hey, it would be cool if..." It's "I want that." It sounds like fun. Or it sounds like it would make you happy. You feel this desire. Maybe you see a basketball hoop and you really wanna shoot hoops. Maybe it's a video game icon and you really wanna play that game. Maybe it's triggered by a fleeting memory of riding a roller coaster and you really want to go to an amusement park. Maybe it's something that will objectively make your life better, like, you really want a clean kitchen. You don't want to clean the kitchen but you want the end result very badly.

Next, or maybe at the same time, your brain releases norepinephrine. Norepi controls energy flow -- where the energy resources of your body are going -- and in this case, it's directing energy to your brain and muscles so that you have the energy to do the thing. Remember, in this model, you're well-fed and well-rested and not sick, so there's no good reason for you not to have this energy.

So you have the energy, you do the thing... and you get the reward. Serotonin makes you feel happy and content. You did the thing, it felt good. Maybe a little dopamine to make you want to do it again, but right now, you are satisfied.

Now, I want you to imagine a comedy sketch where a guy is really hungry at a formal dinner where he's waiting for the food. And the servers lay a plate in front of him, and it's great, he's about to eat, it looks good, he's starving... and then the bussers take his plate away and throw it out before he has a chance to eat it.

Funny, in a comedy sketch. Absolutely devastating, if it happens in your brain.

Because there's a mechanism in your brain called reuptake, and it removes neurotransmitters you're done using. And if you didn't make enough of those neurotransmitters in the first place, or if reuptake is malfunctioning and triggering too early, then the busser is coming by and taking away your serotonin or your dopamine before you were done with it, and now you don't have any.

So you see the thing you want. But no dopamine releases to make you feel the want, so you are unmotivated to do it. Or, you have motivation, but you don't have enough norepi to have the energy to do it. Or, you had motivation and energy so you did it... but it didn't make you happy. There's no serotonin. Nothing will make you happy.

Reuptake inhibitors -- most of them working on serotonin, so they are SSRIs, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, but my medication in particular is a DNRI, a dopamine and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor, and there are other combos as well -- prevent the busser from taking your meal before you're done eating it. They ensure that there is sufficient available neurotransmitter for whatever emotion your brain is trying to trigger.

Let me repeat: your brain, full of your experiences and your genes and your memories, is trying to trigger an emotion based on all those things. The gestalt of you, the identity that you are, should be feeling an emotion. That emotion is caused by a neurotransmitter that the you of you is trying to summon. And if it's not there... you will not feel the emotion that your brain has decided you feel. This is interference with the operation of you. This is the process of you being cut off before it can run to natural completion. This is your emotion, based on who you are, being squashed because the chemicals that make you feel the emotion aren't there.

An SSRI cannot make you happy, but it can make it possible for you to be happy if your brain thinks you should be happy. A DNRI cannot make you want something, but it can make it possible for you to feel motivation and energy to do the thing you wanted to do. These medications do not change who you are. They cannot. They don't give you artifical serotonin or dopamine. To the best of my knowledge, this isn't biologically possible yet without sticking electrodes in your brain. That's science fiction. What they do is make sure that the available pool of neurotransmitters your brain draws from to make you feel the emotions that your brain thinks you should feel contain enough neurotransmitters to actually do the job.

The idea that antidepressants change who you are in any way whatsoever is absolute bullshit and needs to die in a fire. Antidepressants work to prevent a brain malfunction that causes interference with the emotions you should be feeling, based on who you are.

They can indeed have side effects. Paxil is known to cause sexual problems, and in teenagers has sometimes triggered the strength and motivation to carry out a suicide plan before it has improved mood enough to remove the desire to die. Prozac made me "anti-depressed"; it made me flat, no strong emotions at all. But there are many, many such medications. My depression manifested more as fatigue and lack of motivation, with the unhappiness coming from the feeling that I can't make myself do anything I want to do, so they gave me a DNRI and I've been on it for 22 years. The first week I took it, it made me a little high, full of energy and driven and needing less sleep, like a stimulant, but that wore off pretty fast and left me closer to normal than I'd been in the four years previous. Other people I know have had good luck with Zoloft or Cymbalta. They all operate in slightly different ways and affect different brain systems variably. Odds are, if you are depressed, one of them will work for you. And it won't change who you are. It will make it possible for you to be more like who you are than you can be with unmedicated depression.

(They are not perfect. I fight with the black dog a lot. They also don't block depressive, negative feelings when the trigger is real and very strong. I was just out of work for six months and over that time period spent most of my time playing video games and surfing Tumblr as my anxiety about my lack of money grew and my lack of energy or motivation deepened. I struggled to look for work as it got worse, which made me even more anxious because I knew, logically, if I didn't find work things would get even worse, but it started to feel so pointless and I felt helpless. So I didn't write, I didn't clean my house, I did look for work but maybe I could have looked harder, I didn't train my skills as much as I wanted... and now I have a job and my energy and motivation are back. If your situation warrants feelings of depression, no prescription can save you. Antidepressant medication is about allowing you to feel what you should be feeling. If what you should be feeling, rationally, is anxiety and unhappiness, they aren't gonna change that.)

90s movies: Psychopharmacology is as good as a lobotomy. If you take pills to treat your mental illness it will literally murder your imaginary friends and you will become a boring, lotus-eating conformist drone.

Me after taking my meds: drives the scenic route home to see if there are any geese on the pond and does a little dance in line at the grocery store and comes home to throw everything​ in my fridge into a stew pot because I can finally taste food again while singing songs at my birds in which I replace all the instances of "she" with "Cheese" and doing a Dolly Parton impression on the phone to my sister

[vigilante-3073]

Daddy's Credit Card

Cullen Family x Female Vampire Reader (Platonic)

PART 10

Summary: Bella endures her transition to a Vampire while Y/N's condition continues to worsen.

TW: Mentions of death/injury/illness, lack of regard for the feelings of others, medical testing, needles, blood.

The Cullen family was left unscathed after Jacob imprinted on Renesmee. The Wolves were forced to abandon their quest to kill the child, but tensions were still high. Y/N had been released from her quarantine and had finally been allowed to move about the house freely.

She took full advantage of her newfound freedom, but there were some things that Carlisle still wouldn't allow. Y/N was not to step foot outside the house unless someone was with her. She became quickly exhausted after any kind of physical activity and her heart beat would become irregular. Carlisle was strict about her having a companion in case something were to happen.

Y/N walked along the road with Jacob Black by her side. He had been focused on Renesmee since he had imprinted, Bella was still in transition and he felt responsible for the baby girl. Jacob had been incredibly tense as he watched over Renesmee and Carlisle encouraged him to take a moment away. Jacob went reluctantly and the pair walked in silence until he looked over at her.

"Why exactly do you need a babysitter?" Jacob asked.

"I'm dying," Y/N stated simply.

"What? I thought that Vampires couldn't die unless they're torn apart," Jacob said.

"Apparently they can... I bleed, I cry, I eat and my body is falling apart for no apparent reason," Y/N said.

"That sucks," Jacob said.

Y/N huffed a laugh, "Yeah, it does," She replied.

"Still doesn't really explain why I'm following you around though," Jacob said.

"Carlisle said that my heart beat is irregular. He's worried that something could happen to me while I'm alone," Y/N stated.

"Have you left your house at all since you started becoming human?" Jacob asked.

She glared at him, "I am not a human," She corrected quickly.

"Well, whatever you are then," He amended.

"No, you and your wolf friends had my house surrounded. Remember?" Y/N questioned.

"So, you're pretty new to not being a bloodsucker then, huh?" He asked.

"I guess you could say that," She replied.

"Do you want to go into town for a bit? Maybe we can get some actual food," He offered.

"I would do anything to leave that place right now. Since Bella died, Carlisle has devoted the entirety of his time to testing me for anything he can possibly think of. Then I have to sit there and watch Edward stay by his wife as she magically comes back from the dead. Don't even get me started on that rapidly growing demon that they produced... It's like my own personal hell," Y/N said.

Jacob laughed and Y/N shot him a serious look, "I didn't realize that I said something funny," Y/N said.

"It may not be funny, but it is ironic because I was in love with Bella and I was ready to kill Edward when she died. Then I went to get the baby to hand over to the pack and in some ridiculous twist of fate, I actually imprinted on her. Now I practically live in the house with the guy I hate, the girl I used to love and their daughter," Jacob said.

"If I weren't going to die horrifically, I might actually say that you have it worse," Y/N replied.

"We're just two of the luckiest people around, huh?" He questioned, she nodded.

"Where are you taking me then?" Y/N asked.

"A diner. I'm going to get you the biggest and most greasy burger they offer along with fries and a milkshake," Jacob listed.

"All of that sounds absolutely repulsive, but I'm excited to try it," She said.

"Good," Jacob nodded.

The pair returned to the house and Y/N went up to tell Carlisle that she was leaving. She returned after a few minutes with a pair of car keys dangling from her finger.

"He said no to the motorcycle," She stated.

"Maybe another day," Jacob replied, holding out his hand.

Y/N placed the keys into his palm, "I'm definitely riding on a motorcycle before I die. I'm trusting you to make that happen," She said.

"I can definitely do that for you," Jacob assured.

They made their way down to the garage and got into one of the cars. Jacob started the car and opened the garage before driving out onto the road.

Y/N settled back into her seat as she looked out the window, "Just for my own curiosity, how long does it usually take for someone to come back from the dead?" Jacob questioned.

"Usually takes about three days. The morphine that Bella had in her system could definitely have an effect on it though," Y/N stated.

"Three days of waiting," Jacob huffed.

"At least she's not awake and screaming like the rest of us were," Y/N said.

"It hurt that badly?" Jacob asked, glancing over at her.

"The worst pain I've ever felt. It was like every nerve being scorched and having your skin peeled from your body. It was misery," She said.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," He said.

"It gave me a lifetime of pain and loneliness like I have never known before. I would have chosen death a thousand times over," Y/N replied.

"Who was it?" Jacob asked.

"I don't know what you mean," Y/N said, looking over at him.

"Who was it that broke your heart?" Jacob clarified.

Y/N hesitated, "Carlisle first and Edward second," She answered.

Jacob scoffed, "Well, with that information, you definitely earned the title of having the worst situation possible," Jacob said.

"I've always been an overachiever," She deadpanned with a smirk.

Jacob smiled as he pulled into the parking lot of the diner, "Ready to eat?" He asked.

"I'm absolutely ravenous," She replied.

The pair got out of the car and made their way into the restaurant, they were sat in a booth and given a moment to look over the menu.

Y/N stared at the laminated sheet with wide eyes, finding herself overwhelmed by the options as she slowly opened the menu.

"Wow, this is a lot of stuff," She mumbled.

"Do you want me to just order for you?" Jacob questioned.

"That would be lovely," Y/N replied.

"Do you have any preference on milkshake flavor?" He asked.

"The last meal that I had as a living person was probably boiled cabbage and stale bread. You can pick whatever you want and I'm sure it will be better than anything I've ever eaten," She replied, closing the menu and sliding it to the edge of the table.

"Point taken," He nodded.

The waitress returned to their table with her notepad and pen in hand, "What can I get for you two today?" She questioned.

"For drinks, we'd like one chocolate and one vanilla milkshake. And for food, we'll get two of the bacon cheeseburgers with fries," Jacob listed.

"Perfect, I'll get that going for you," The waitress nodded, collecting the menus and moving off to the kitchen.

"Why did you get two different flavor drinks?" Y/N asked.

"So you can try both and keep whichever one you like best," Jacob shrugged.

"That's very kind of you," She said.

"It's no big deal," He replied.

"It is to me," Y/N stated.

The drinks came out quickly and the food followed shortly after. Jacob put two plastic straws into the milkshakes and slid them across the table to her.

Y/N leaned forward, taking a sip of the vanilla milkshake before moving over to the chocolate and taking another sip.

"What's the verdict?" He questioned.

"I like the lighter one more," She said, tapping a finger against the side of the first glass.

Jacob slid the chocolate milkshake back over to his side of the table, "Good choice. The vanilla one is my personal favorite," He said, taking a sip from the same straw.

"You can have it if you like it more," Y/N said, moving to slide it over to him.

"You're the one who's new to human food. You get to keep the milkshake that you like best," Jacob said, resting his hand over hers and pushing it back over to her side of the table.

They ate and chatted about their lives before reluctantly returning to the Cullen house.

"I had fun tonight. You're pretty cool for an ex-bloodsucker," Jacob said.

"I had fun too and I suppose I should say thank you," Y/N replied.

"It was definitely meant as a compliment," Jacob assured, "And you can feel free to come find me whenever you want to go on another nature walk or do something ridiculously stupid just to cross it off your bucket list," He continued.

"I will definitely take you up on that," Y/N nodded.

"I'll see you tomorrow... Sleep well," He said.

"You too," Y/N replied, making her way up the stairs to her bedroom.

...

Y/N stood in the shower, lathering the shampoo into her hair before stepping under the water. She washed the soap from her scalp, allowing the warm water to run over her skin. Y/N lowered her arms as her heart began to race in her chest, she let out a shaky exhale and leaned into the wall.

Y/N suddenly felt lightheaded and exhausted, breathing heavily as she slid down the wall weakly. Her arms fell in front of her body limply as she leaned into the wall, eyelids fluttering as she struggled to remain conscious.

"Carlisle," She called softly, her voice was barely audible over the sound of the water.

The shower curtain was pulled back suddenly before Carlisle reached in and turned off the water. He stepped away, grabbing her robe before kneeling down next to the bathtub.

Carlisle maneuvered her body around easily, slipping her arms through the sleeves and wrapping the robe around her body. He tied the belt at her waist before slipping his arms underneath her and lifting her into his arms.

Y/N's head rested on his shoulder as she closed her eyes, head pounding as her heart raced in her chest. He carried her into her bedroom before carefully setting her down on her bed.

Carlisle brought over the vitals machine, wrapping the blood pressure cuff around her arm and placing the probe on her finger. Y/N grimaced as the cuff began to inflate, but she was far too exhausted to say anything.

"Your blood pressure is incredibly low," Carlisle stated, reaching over and resting his hand on the side of her neck.

His fingers found her pulse point easily, feeling the rapid pulsation of her heart against his fingertips.

"I don't feel good," She mumbled shakily.

"I'll get you one fluids and we'll see if that helps," Carlisle said.

Y/N closed her eyes, unable to do anything besides breathe as her body began to shiver. Carlisle returned with a bag of fluids and a primed line, hanging it up on the pole beside her bed.

"Are you cold?" He questioned, noticing the way her body trembled.

She nodded silently and Carlisle stepped into her closet, he returned with a long sleeved shirt and a pair of loose sweatpants.

"Not mine," Y/N mumbled.

"Alice thought that you should have something comfortable and warm to wear," Carlisle said, setting the items on the edge of her bed.

He helped her dry off and get dressed before getting her settled in the bed. Carlisle sat down on the edge of the bed beside her, tying the tourniquet around her arm and flexing her wrist as his eyes scanned her skin.

Carlisle cleaned her skin with an alcohol wipe before opening his needle and removing the cap. Y/N turned her head away as he pushed the needle into her vein, he held the cannula in place as he retracted the needle. He connected the tubing to the cannula quickly before laying a clear dressing on top of it.

Carlisle pressed the edges against her skin carefully before reaching up to grab his IV tubing and connecting it to her. Y/N looked over as he stood up, programming the machine and opening the roller clamps.

The fluid slowly began to drip as the infusion started, "You should try and get some rest. I'll be back to check on you in a bit," Carlisle said, she nodded.

Y/N drifted off into a dreamless sleep before Carlisle had even stepped foot into the hallway. She slept for hours, body shivering silently as she struggled to retain her warmth. Carlisle added a few more blankets on top of her, but nothing seemed to help with the icy chill that had come over her.

Carlisle slowly made his way into the living room where the family was sitting. Esme held Renesmee in her arms while Rosalie watched them with a fond smile.

"Jacob, could I borrow you for a moment?" Carlisle asked.

"Sure," He nodded, standing up from his seat and following Carlisle down the hallway.

"I have a bit of an odd request and you can refuse if it makes you uncomfortable," Carlisle said.

"What is it?" Jacob asked.

"Y/N had a bit of a medical episode tonight," Carlisle started.

"Is she okay?" Jacob questioned.

"She's fine, but she's incredibly cold and I can't seem to get her temperature up," Carlisle said.

"I can definitely help with that," Jacob nodded.

"Thank you," Carlisle replied, leading Jacob down the hallway to her bedroom.

He opened the door and stepped inside, allowing Jacob to make his way into the room before closing the door gently.

"Jeez, how many blankets do you have her buried under?" Jacob asked with a smile.

"Five, I believe," Carlisle stated.

Jacob moved around to the other side of the bed, stepping out of his boots before lifting the blankets and laying down beside her.

Jacob shifted closer to her and she turned towards him in her sleep, immediately drawn in by the heat he gave off. Jacob wrapped his arms around her and guided her body into his side.

Y/N let out a soft breath, her head resting on his chest as she soaked up his warmth, "She's freezing," Jacob muttered, rubbing his hand over her back gently.

"I'm not much help in that department, unfortunately," Carlisle said.

"Well, I got it from here," Jacob assured.

"Just be conscious of the IV and call for me if something happens," Carlisle said, Jacob nodded.

Carlisle made his way out of the bedroom, closing the door behind himself carefully. Jacob settled back into the pillows, brushing his hand over her back until he eventually drifted off to sleep beside her.

Jacob awoke when the sky was dark, he turned his head to see Carlisle standing at the bedside. He hung a new bag of fluids on the IV pole before connecting it and pressing a few buttons on the machine to restart the infusion.

Y/N stirred slightly in his arms as Carlisle programmed the pump, eyes fluttering open slowly. Her brows furrowed as she pulled away from him slightly.

"What's going on?" She mumbled.

"You were cold," Jacob replied.

"How are you feeling?" Carlisle questioned.

"I'm fine," Y/N replied, laying back down on her back beside Jacob.

"I can go if you want," Jacob offered.

"No, it's too cold in this place," She huffed, lifting the blankets up higher over her body as her teeth chattered slightly.

"Here," Jacob smiled, reaching out and pulling her closer to his side.

He wrapped his arm around her and she leaned her head back against his shoulder as his hand settled on her arm, "Better?" He questioned, she nodded and closed her eyes. Carlisle smiled softly to himself, quietly exiting the room and closing the door.

"I know you're not here for me, but I still appreciate it," Y/N said softly.

"You're probably one of the best living people in this house right now. Us humans need to stick together," Jacob said.

"Still not human," Y/N mumbled tiredly.

"Whatever you say," Jacob replied, rubbing his hand over her arm gently.

...

Carlisle opened the door to Y/N's bedroom and paused when he realized that the bed was empty. Jacob had stayed with her for a few hours before returning to the living room to be with Renesmee. She had been asleep when he last checked on her and the empty bed made him nervous.

"Y/N," Carlisle called.

"In here," Y/N replied softly.

He stepped over to the bathroom and pushed the door open, finding her sitting on the floor in front of the toilet with her back leaned against the wall. Y/N was incredibly pale with dark bags under her eyes, exhausted and weak as she looked up at him.

"Are you alright?" He questioned.

"I can't stop throwing up," Y/N mumbled.

"How long have you been in here?" Carlisle asked.

"An hour," She replied.

"Why didn't you call for me? I could've given you something to help with the nausea," He said gently.

"Feels like someone shoved a hot branding iron down my throat," She muttered.

"I could get you some water or tea to help," Carlisle offered.

"Just want to sleep," Y/N stated.

"Can you stand?" He questioned, looking down at her.

"No, everything hurts," She grumbled.

Carlisle nodded, kneeling down and sliding his arm underneath her body before lifting her up into his arms. Y/N let out a soft whimper, grimacing in pain and gripping onto him as he picked her up.

Carlisle turned around and set her down on the countertop. He prepared her toothbrush before passing it to her, wetting a cloth under some warm water as she brushed her teeth.

Y/N leaned over and spit into the sink, Carlisle took the toothbrush from her hand and offered her the cloth. Y/N wiped the cloth over her skin, arms falling limply in her lap as she breathed heavily, utterly exhausted from the simple act of wiping her face.

"Are you alright?" Carlisle asked.

"No, I'm not and I wish you'd stop asking me that," She snapped.

Carlisle didn't reply, giving her a moment to rest as he put everything away. He stepped back over to her when her breathing rate had returned to normal.

"Ready?" He asked, she nodded.

Carlisle lifted her into his arms carefully before he carried her into her room and placed her down on her bed. Y/N grimaced as she laid back, closing her eyes as she took a few shaky breaths.

"How bad is the pain?" Carlisle questioned.

"Terrible," She stated, growing irritated with his questions as she struggled to get comfortable.

"I'll get you something for the pain and the nausea," Carlisle said, standing up from the edge of the bed.

"Or you could just snap my neck now and put me out of my misery," Y/N offered.

"That's not an option and you know that," Carlisle replied gently.

"What quality of life do I have, Carlisle? My teeth are falling out, my body aches like I have broken glass flowing through my veins and I can't do simple tasks without feeling completely exhausted. I am miserable and it isn't going to get any better," She stated.

"There are still things we can try, Y/N. You were doing incredibly well a few days ago, we don't have to jump to extremes just yet. Pain medications, sedatives and anti-nausea drugs can drastically improve your comfort level," Carlisle said.

Y/N scoffed, "I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a narcotic haze as my body shuts down," She snapped.

"Dosages can be adjusted. It doesn't have to be that way," Carlisle assured.

"You've done as much as you can for me. It's time to give up," Y/N stated.

"That's not what you really want," He said.

"How would you know what I want? You haven't cared enough to know me for an incredibly long time, Carlisle," She said.

"You're right... I haven't been there for you in the way that you wanted, but I'm here now and I want to help you," Carlisle pressed.

"You can't help me," Y/N stated firmly, "But you can let me go," She continued.

"We can talk about our options tomorrow. You should try and get some rest," Carlisle advised.

Y/N shook her head, looking away as Carlisle made his way out of her bedroom and closed the door.

Edward stood in the hallway, "She wants to die?" He questioned.

"She does," Carlisle replied.

"We can't let that happen," Edward stated.

"I'm going to try and convince her to pursue alternative treatment options, but she doesn't seem optimistic," Carlisle said.

"I'll talk to her," Edward said, Carlisle shook his head.

"Bella could be waking up any moment now, she's going to need you. I can deal with Y/N for the time being," Carlisle assured.

"When Bella wakes up, Y/N is going to need someone with her at all times. The bloodlust could overwhelm Bella and Y/N wouldn't stand a chance," Edward said.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Carlisle replied.

"Agreed," Edward nodded.

[azurem]

What is your thoughts on a headcanon that Ink’s extremely deep blush is brown? Whilst i am at it, what would Nightmare think upon seeing it? 👀

(because that is the colour you commonly get from mixing the colour of the rainbow that is his usual blush.)

It's a nice headcanon! Though I'm half sure it'd be against canon (au where everything's the same but ink blushes brown if super flustered??) since Ink's super deep blush instead implies his rainbow freckles appearing!! Silly thing i love him. Brown blush would look very cute on him though, he'd look so monochrome/aff

— also I believe Ink's rainbow theme is very. Prism based, from what I've seen? A ray of white light passing through a prism disperses into 7 rays of color and all that. If the experiment is done in like, the. Inverse? Way? The rainbow turns into white. So in theory I believe it'd make more sense if Ink's super blush was white instead. Though I assume Ink's magic doesn't overlap, there's a reason why his tongue and blush is sectioned. Maybe different creators' emotions cannot be mixed??? Evil stuff—

Nightmare would like it way too much I think; both because Ink just never gets flustered enough to really see him that affected (he really likes to see proof that his efforts are doing something) and because he'd feel smug at the knowledge that he finally has the upper hand for once. This being said, the first time he' see it he'd probably tease Ink about it so much Ink just gets away from him by AU jumping because they'd get salty. A proper response, of course (he needs to learn limits!)

Second time is better. But his smile is still very much smug so Ink still gets salty. By the third time Ink would stop running away and let his destiny finally happen (unskippable romance scene)

Tbh I just think Ink is very skittish once he gets embarrassed enough, specially since shame isn't a very common thing for him to feel. He'd have no resistance to the emotion at all, so he'd be so obviously embarrassed you couldn't miss it. I imagine you could force embarrassment from him by having him drink too much from the purple (my hc color for his fear/shame) but it'd be just so mixed with fear it wouldn't be enjoyable for anyone involved ngl.

I also imagine Ink with like, a light level of embarrassment? Would play along if they're making fun of him. He fakes getting more embarrassed if they're poking fun at him, but he gets more snappy if he actually does (if he has available red, of course)

Anyways. I think the first time™ went kinda like this?? Maybe??? I can't get Ink's voice right but assume it's the purple talking

"...Oh? I've never seen this color here before."

"Well— Well! Maybe you missed it? Don't be silly. You— stop laughing! Why are you laughing?"

"It's cute."

"You're so— Get back in character already! C'mon, we were just— that's it! I'm going to... to. To—"

"Is it a whine I'm hearing?"

"It's not! No!"

"Is it not? I'm sure I couldn't have mistaken such a charming sound."

"Kay! Kay. So this is how it is! You think this whole thing is funny! That's what it is!"

"Oh, no. Though I won't say I'm not enjoying myself."

"...! ...!!!!!!! ...!!!!!!!"

"Ah. It's darker now."

(Ink proceeds to go fetch Broomie while Nightmare follows him closely like a hyena following sick prey No I don't have More comparisons)

"...And what are you doing now?— oh."

[softidiotsposts]

Anyone Can Cook

as the wise tale of ratatouille states "anyone can cook... but only the fearless can be great"

{Hello! Second fic, this time pure fluff for recovery! Warnings: kitchens being messy, mentions of bland food, cooking, mentions of the french and reader is french, picky eaters, incorrect cooking terms (probs) // word count: 2.2k}

masterlist

Leah always mentioned Ratatouille around you, like a little disease that you could never shake. The little blue rat named, Remy, had become a staple in your household- even earning you a nickname based on the rat. She thought herself funny, with you being French and all- even a native Parisian, which apparently made it even more of a gag. One that you didn't enjoy very much.

You didn't get it- the film, while good in a general sense and clearly a children's film- had no idea of what a professional kitchen actually looks like and you liked to point out the serious misconceptions to Leah every time she forced you to watch it.

"Seriously, Lee- I have had enough of this film!"

You grumble when Leah once again picks Ratatouille to watch on your weekly movie night- this makes it twice in a row that she's picked this. Making you absolutely devastated that watching Notting Hill was being put on hold, once again.

You wonder whether revoking her TV rights on film night would fix the problem but then remember that Leah could do absolutely anything and you'd probably let her do it anyway. Even if it's a chef rat based torture.

Still, it's actually getting to the point that you remember practically every single line of the film and the plot never surprises you. Not when Leah insists on watching it all the time.

You don't even think she actually enjoys the film enough to watch it all the time either so it must only be to see your reaction.

"But it's so good- really lets me get the idea of what you do at work," Leah giggles and presses start and the obnoxious "French" sounding music starts to play.

You groan, "This is not what I do."

"Yeah, yeah, Remy- You do some cooking with fancy things, I know."

"Actually, I-"

You're about to correct Leah with the most attitude you ever have when she presses her lips against yours and you melt like butter in a pan. She knows that you can never resist her when she has her soft lips against yours and it works without fail each time- even when you're terribly angry.

Leah smirks and wraps an arm around your shoulders. In turn you sigh, knowing that there is no winning when Leah has her mind set on something or whenever she uses her ultimate weapon.

It's around half way through the film, when the famous line is said that you come upon the genius idea. Taking Leah through cooking something that cannot be made via a machine- a cooking lesson with the most inept chef you've met.

The words anyone can cook are true... to a certain extent- It comes down to personal opinion mostly, what does one truly classify as cooking? In theory, if making toast with butter was considered cooking then Leah was the expert but when it came to the taste department- that is where your girlfriend falters.

Before Leah, when you still lived in France, you swore up and down you could never date anyone with the taste buds of a five year old- saying that it was the ultimate deal breaker. Now here you are, dating a famous Arsenal footballer that has the diet of a primary schooler.

At first, it had come as a shock- you went to a restaurant on your first date (not your ideal place for a date but Leah insisted) and she ordered the plainest thing on the menu. You were in such shock that you double checked the menu to see if you weren't misreading because who orders chicken nuggets at a Michelin star restaurant? And why did they even serve such a dish?

It also happened to be the moment that you fell head over heels for Leah, so you learned to get over the food very quickly.

Yet, this was a moment to teach Leah a lesson in taking you seriously... or maybe at least putting a stop to rewatching Ratatouille every single week.

So you take a week to prepare everything perfectly, you plan out what you're going to teach Leah to cook, even survey your kitchen staff before opening with a little questionnaire.

Then you make sure that all knives are sharpened, pots and pans are present- even though you're the only one who uses them- and that all other additional equipment is on hand if needed.

After all the prep work, you go out to the market early on Friday morning to buy a whole chicken since Leah is most likely to actually eat it after it's cooked- you're against wasting food in any circumstance. Then circle around to the other side for fresh vegetables. Once you have acquired all that is needed, you return home perfectly on time.

It leaves you enough time to get your chef coat that you wear when working and find the spare one you had borrowed for Leah, then set out all the ingredients on the marble countertops. It looks absolutely perfect and tickles that ocd part of you brilliantly.

In hindsight, you should have given Leah a slight pre-warning as to what the two of you were doing today but the expression on her face when she walks in is priceless- so priceless, you wish you had recorded it, so you can show it to all her teammates and your co-workers.

“What’s all this?” Leah says, clearly confused as she drops her training bag by the discarded sneakers. 

You fan your hands out, presenting all the different things across the countertops with a large grin- just as large as Leah’s everytime she picks Ratatouille over any other mildly interesting film. 

“This, my love, is your cooking crash course with the best chef in London.” 

It’s true, the London’s society of restaurateurs had voted you best chef for the third year in a row and you couldn’t be happier to flex it in Leah’s face. It’s your personal victory and you like to compare it to her Euro win with England- just to watch her turn a little red as she fiercely defends it to be harder. 

You'd normally agree but maybe she won’t be so quick to correct you next time though because as soon as she’s in the white coat with you (and after you had taken a photo of her that will be posted on instagram later.) the two of you are off, cooking what you think is going to be the driest chicken ever. 

“No- not like that!” 

You’re quick to correct her, it’s automatic and you feel as though it’s a little harsh but this is payback for making you suffer through a cartoon rat cooking. 

You place a hand on top of hers and you swear she blushes just a bit but you ignore it, instead guiding her hand to correctly dismantle the chicken into its individual parts. After helping her with one side, you watch as she tries to complete the other- and to her credit, it is not a total disaster. The cuts are a little jagged and some of the chicken looks more like it’s been massacred rather than taken apart but albeit still looks edible. 

Then she looks up at you with proud eyes and you forget about everything for a moment- all the mental gymnastics- and focus on her sweet smile that warms your heart. You come a little closer and give her a kiss on the cheek, careful not to touch her since you've just been cutting chicken.

"You're doing so well, sweetheart."

Maybe it's an exaggeration but the blush appears on Leah's cheeks after it is completely worth a white lie.

"Thanks, Remy, I have the best teacher," Leah wiggles her brows at you suggestively and you roll your eyes in return.

"Well, I do have three Michelin stars to my name," You grin and Leah smiles back at you.

Then you add, "It's like having three of those golden ball thingys that you all pine after."

Leah's face drops a bit, "You mean a ballon d'or?"

Your face lights up and you nod rapidly, "Yes, exactly!"

Leah pulls a face and furrows her brows, "Okay, baby... maybe we should focus on the cooking?"

You nod and turn your attention towards the dismantled chicken in front of the two of you- You resist the urge to cringe and put all the different parts into a bowl that you then place into the fridge.

"Let's wash hands before the next part."

The two of you take turns washing your hands, Leah flicking water at you playfully when it's her turn and you frowning when she does so.

"Take this seriously, Lee- In my kitchen-"

"Our kitchen-" She corrects you.

You raise your brows in question, "Who uses it the most?"

Leah suddenly fiddles with her coat and looks anywhere but you, you scoff but a smile finds it way to your face anyway- then you wrap an arm around her waist.

"Whatever, just focus- as if it were a match!"

Leah chuckles but steps up to the cutting board where various different vegetables are laid out with one of your personal knives that you bring to work besides it.

"So what now?" Leah asks, evident confusion in her voice.

"I want you to cut the peppers julienne and the carrots paysanne."

Leah looks at you with the most confused expression you've seen to date when the French leaves your mouth and all you can do is sigh.

"Peppers thin like matchsticks and the carrots into circles, please."

"Now that, I can understand," She laughs and begins to chop the peppers, first gutting them and throwing the seeds in the bin beside her then slicing them into strips.

You're leaning your head on her shoulder and your arms are wrapped loosely around her waist as you watch what she is doing- Leah's fingers are wrapped around the wooden handle and she guides the blade down each pepper part with some kind of precision.

You smile and encourage her by giving a light squeeze that you feel she leans into-

"Focus, that knife can cut your finger off."

You hear Leah scoff, "Maybe you shouldn't distract me then?"

You don't say anything nor do you move your arms away from her waist instead focus on the way she's slicing the various peppers- somehow, Leah begins to stray from the very thin slices into thick chucks without even acknowledging it.

You smile, "Stop for a second, Lee."

Leah pauses instantly and turns her head to look at you from where you stand behind her, she raises a brow in question and you grin in return. Then pick up a slice of pepper, holding it up for the two of you to inspect.

"Too thick, darling."

You press yourself closer to her back, forcing her to face the board again- this time you place your hands on top of hers, they are slightly warmer than yours and the heat immediately spreads, then begin to slice as you had instructed.

The rest of the vegetables go smoothly and you let them rest to the side before taking the chicken out of the fridge again-

"We are going to bake the legs, use the bones to make a sauce with the peppers and boil the carrots."

You explain, pointing to all the different elements as you do so and all Leah does is nod before stepping closer to you so she can wrap her arms around your neck.

"Yes, chef Remy," Leah chuckles when you scoff.

She gives you a quick kiss that you so desperately want to deepen but she pulls away before you can. Instead, she turns to the board and looks at you with the same focus you see on the pitch.

"Alright, let's start."

The rest of the evening goes... as well as you'd imagine- the kitchen is thankfully still standing, but in a state of utter disarray. The sauce that Leah made under your guidance had boiled over after she turned the temperature up, so that it would "cook faster". You didn't even get the chance to explain that it doesn't work like that, when a blob of sauce landed on the floor.

So there was a large spillage of sauce all over the stove and countertop but that was the least of your worries since the fire alarm had rang... once... twice... and a third time when the chicken was in the oven. Turns out that Leah cannot preheat an oven to the correct temperature either- so that chicken wasn't even dry, as you'd predicted, it was just simply not even there anymore.

All the meat had burned into crispy back sludge and the bones smelt disgusting- so disgusting that Leah had to stand on the balcony as you threw it out. Stating that she would throw up if she had to do it. 

It turns out that nothing was safe from Leah's horrid cooking skill since the carrots suffered a death by over boiling- turning into mush rather than keeping their shape after the plunge in the steaming hot water of the pot.

In the end, Leah and you end up on the plush sofa with white styrofoam take out boxes in front of you and the normally tidy kitchen left in a rather untidy state, much to your dismay- but none of you had the energy to clean on an empty stomach.

You're shoveling food into your mouth when Leah picks up the remote and you dread what's coming. You see disney being opened and the pit in your stomach turns into sickness-

"So... Ratatouille?" Leah giggles and presses play, you music ringing out of the speakers. 

"Darling- No, please!"

[mossterunderthebed]

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

OH MY GOSH GOYUU TIME

(bc my secret superpower is that i can in fact make anything goyuu hohoho)

WHO IS IT?? WHOS THE IDIOT THAT TRIED TO POISON GOJO AND GOT YUUJI INSTEAD??? *GAAAASPS* NAOYA ITS NAOYA

HES A MYSOGINISTIC LIL BIRCHNUGGET WITH A SUPERIORITY/INFERIORITY COMPLEX

BUT ACTUALLY I JUST WANT HIM TO HAVE HAD HIS BALLS CUT OFF IN SERVICE TO THE EMPEROR (and the emperor is GOJO)

(Hes SO bitter abt it) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

WHERES THAT ONE QUOTE THE 'THEYLL BUURY U THREE FEET DEEP BC UVE ONLY EVER BEEN HALF A MAN' ONE I SAW IT ONCE WHERE IS ITTTTTT

OUOUOUUUUUUUUGH EGG IM GETTING IDEAS ABOUT THE EMPOROR/JESTER AUUUUUUUUUUUU AGAIN

SOMEBODY GIVE ME A SOUNDING BOARD I NEED TO BASH MY FACE AGAINST THIS UNTIL I BLEED SOMETHING ONTO A PAGE

plot bunny number 109283679381

*passes out before managing to get off the stage*

please excuse i am moderately to severely insane today we dont need to talk abt it

what if naoya wasnt always a eunich he was forced to become one as punishment and to learn humility after inciting rebellion among his clan

and gojo knew the thing that would KILL him without granting him the mercy of death and dealing with the political backlash from the Zen'in

so he grants him the HONOUR of being one of the closest and most trusted attendants to the crown FORK FORK FORK IM FREAKING GENIUS and makes him a eunuch

OUGHHHH

and THEN naoya plots revenge quieter and smarter this time bc his entire mentality has collapsed and hes not really as stable as he once was (which like. he wasnt in the first place) and so then YUUJI comes along and earns the emperor's favour (LOTS of favour) and decides to USE HIM and gojos fondness for him to get to gojo

and tries to poison gojo with some sweets or smthg and gojo ends up feeding them to yuuji first as a treat and then yuujis smile slowly fades and he looked horrified and scared and knocks the box away and tries to say 'gojo-sama theyre pois-' and then he falls

and gojo roars for medics and has to cradle yuujis body as he shakes and heaves and sweats and gojos terrified and furious in front of his WHOLE court and has naoya put in chains and nearly kills him but decides to let yuuji decide when he wakes up HE WILL WAKE UP and then stays by yuuji the whole time hes unconcious

and then when yuuji is finally confirmed to be okay he lets him choose what to do with naoya and yuuji doesnt want to hurt him at first but he thinks of how naoya tried to hurt gojo used HIM to hurt gojo and hes so furious and gramps didnt raise a fool he might not be well-versed in politics but hes not a true idiot either he just sells it for the bit (its literally his job bro fork off) and he knows a message has to be sent and he knows this CANT happen again (truthfully he knows it WILL and THATS why he needs to do this)

and so he asks to be naoyas executioner himself

bc this is HIS decision and burden and he needs to remember it; that this is gojos court and it doesnt love him no matter how Yuuji DOES- oh. he does. he loves gojo. oh no. oh no no no he CANT that the EMPEROR he CANT be in love with the EMPEROR oh gosh he IS isnt he hes SO in love with the emperor

but who wouldnt?? gojo-sama's so sweet and funny and protective and gentle and he cares so much about his people and he can be scary as all get-out but yuujis never once felt afraid with him

and he feeds yuuji sweets from his own hand and lets yuuji sit on his lap and smiles when he fumbles and laughs at his jokes even though yuuji KNOWS hes not really that funny

and he gave yuuji a chance and got him OUT from under the laugh-master's thumb (idk what jester training looks like but yuuji did not have fun there in this au) and because of him he got to meet nobara and megumi and so many people who CARE and nanami and shoko are so loyal to him and theyre GOOD yuuji knows people like hes never known anything else and he might not be the sharpest but his gut is never wrong and gojo makes him light as air and makes his stomach bubble like champagne but most of all

he makes yuuji feel SAFE and yuuji loves loves loves to make him happy and wants to spend his whole life dedicating himself to that endeavor.

and he worries what if he does something stupid what if he lets someone know what if he gets SENT AWAY?? so he draws back and gojos so confused and devestated and thinks maybe yuuji doesnt want to stay anymore after being poisoned and it breaks his heart but he does maybe the most selfless thing hes ever done and teel yuuji that if yuuji wants he'll arrange for him to go wherever he likes and he wont make him stay

and yuuji is horrified and devestated and just shouts 'please dont send me away' and he apologieses and says he wont let anyone else know he loves gojo he wont act out or up or above his station he'll behave and stay within his lines he promises only please please please dont send him away he doesnt want to go away from gojo-sama PLEASE-

and gojos just standing there like hes been whalloped over the head and then seconds tick by and hes like. wait. u love me?

and the blood drains from yuujis face but he nods and gojo looks at him like he hung the stars in the sky and yuuji just says this one small miserable 'im sorry'

and gojo realizes hes upset and he goes nonono i love you too i love you yuuji dont you know i LOVE you and scoops him up into his arms and spins him around and around and kisses him all over his face and yuujis like 'u love me' and gojo just nods vigorously

and yuuji hold onto him so so tight. and gojo takes him to his rooms and holds him right back and promises he wont let anyone hurt yuuji again and theyll never be separated and he'll never send yuuji away and yuuji sobs because finally FINALLY for the first time since his gramps dies he has a home again and its here, with gojo.

OUGH!

and then Happy Ending Things YAY!!!!

fucking stop using eunuch it's not a joke word it a fucking slur you disgusting troglodyte

you gotta let go of the past. im not letting you back into my court. you tried to poison me and you ended up killing my favorite fool. im not giving you your balls back either.

[systlin]

ooooo summarize the one where tarl gets called bosk by a mean lady and it rewrites his brain chemistry

Oh, Telima! The Mean Domme! LMAO it's so funny.

So Tarl is boating down the Big Fuckass River to Port Kar where a dude he wants to meet up with lives. Port Kar is a notorious hive of scum and villainy but has far fewer Han Solos to shoot douchebags in the face unfortunately.

We get like, ten pages of Tarl talking about how longbows are good at killing people, because duh of course they are. However, for some fuckass reason Goreans usually consider it a low class and disgraceful weapon, and Tarl is considered weird for liking it. I will give Norm credit for Tarl, raised an Englishman, having a favorable view of the longbow even in a society that views them as dishonorable. Reluctantly. Anyway.

He's in the Vosk delta, which is a vast labyrinth of swamp mostly covered in a reed called Rence, which is used to make paper and also parts are edible. It's inhabited by Rence Growers, who are actually kinda cool?

They make like, floating boat towns, and hunt and fish the marshes, and they take in fled slaves sometimes and let them live as free women. Like. They kinda rock actually?

Instead of any actual plot for a bit, we get like twenty pages here of Norm outlining Rence, how it grows, how it's harvested, how things are made from it, ect ect. This completely derails the story for a jarring length of time, and it will not be the last time such a thing happens. Norm loves his annoying and dumb infodumps.

Anyway, Tarl is in their territory, and happens upon a free woman fishing in the marshes. He is, predictably, what he thinks is polite but from her POV is intrusive and annoying, and her village takes him captive.

THEN we get to the wild shit.

 

A Sorp is a turtle, btw. And legit this is like, one of the 3 reasonable dudes we get on Gor. Ho Hak you're a king love you bro.

Champion shit.

ANYWAY.

This, in the hands of a better writer, could have been the moment when Tarl realized that, oh, shit, yeah okay in this situation he will act just like the women he's enslaved before who complied rather than be beaten or killed. It could have been a watershed moment.

It will not be.

ANYWAY, Tarl is taken slave, and Telima absolutely rearranges his whole brain with ONE SINGLE NIGHT OF BEING A MEAN DOMME.

He will go by this name FOR THE ENTIRE NEXT THIRTY BOOKS LIKE GIRL JESUS CHRIST.

He's chasing this high for the entire rest of the series. He never gets over this. Like holy shit. Fuck.

Anyway so some Port Kar slavers raid the place and take some people captive, whatever, there's not actually any plot in this book it's just here to get Tarl topped and get him to Port Kar. He fights the knowledge that he can be enslaved like he's enslaved women this whole time, and again somehow manages to do no actual growth or introspection. It's really incredible.

The only thing of note here is that there is a dude named Clitus, which is inexpressibly funny to me. I bet no one can find him.

Tarl becomes a Captain of Port Kar by killing one of the other Captains. There's like, a war with Cos and Tyros, which are also naval powers, and we are supposed to root for Port Kar but honestly I do not give a single shit. It's mostly so that Norm can jerk himself off to pictures of Greek war galleys and Charlton Heston as Ben Hur, tbh.

How TF Tarl knows without trying how to captain a war galley, you ask? And is somehow so good at it that all the other captains are in awe? Well because he's a Speshul Boy, of course.

Of course Tarl wins the war and shit, it's pointless, I don't give a single shit about Port Kar vs Cos Vs Tyros and I want Tarl dead.

Anyway, Tarl hooks up with Samos, but not the way Tarl would really like. Stupid PK vs Kurii plot shit is droned on about for like fifty pages. It's all stupid, the end.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Saw a post not too long ago (don’t even remember what it was about lol) and everyone in the comments was in agreement on how TWST should have an Emperor’s New Groove event with a Yzma twisted character that would be so fun and somebody should be turned into a llama.

…

…

…

I think Vil would make a great llama.

…

but really who out of our cast do you think would suit an ENG event and who do you think would be the best llama? 🤔

When I think of The Emperor’s New Groove, the four characters that come to my mind are Kuzco (ie “The Llama”), Pacha, Yzma, and Kronk. That’s perfect for the usual limited SSR, 2 SRs, and R introduced for new story events. Each of them could wear an outfit inspired by their Disney film counterpart. There could also potentially be a new twisted character introduced, but this only occurs for “hometown” (ie visiting other countries) events and Halloween events sooo 😅

For our Kuzco stand-in… Well, someone from a rich and influential background + has a ton of arrogance makes sense, right? So my immediate thought was Malleus or Leona, the royals. Idia or Riddle could also work, but they’re not quite as dickish. Of those, I think Leona works the best since he’s the most overtly asshole-y of the bunch and also it would be a little funny for the beastman to actually become a fluffy animal/j. Plus, he comes from the Sunset Savanna, which could be made into a reference about how Yzma’s original plan was to “snuff out the light” of the sun.

Something I’d really like to see is Kalim dressed as our Kuzco. He’s not a traditional asshole, but I think he could stand to learn a lot from being made more aware of how the less fortunate (like Pacha’s family) live. This might be valuable in connecting Kalim with the plight of the common folk, as well as get him to realize how some of the things he says/does are unintentionally very callous. The “snuff out the light” of the the sun metaphor also works for Kalim since he is usually so sunny + depicted as the sun, which contrasts with the moon (ie Jamil). The moon is also mentioned in the song lyrics, seeking revenge, reclaiming “[my] right”, and a world of darkness.

Pacha is very fatherly and kind, so I immediately thought Trey would fit in the best out of all of the “parental” students. (The others seem way too sarcastic or snide in underhanded ways.) Plus, that green poncho Pacha wears would look nice on Trey :>

Yzma has many potential candidates! I think Vil actually fits in a lot better as Yzma than as Kuzco, especially granted her obsession with maintaining her looks (very Vilcore) + penchant for potions (his best subject). You could also consider Azul, as he wants to maintain a certain public image and also seems to be good with brewing potions. On the more treacherous side, we could look at Jade (who shares the same best subject as Vil) and Jamil. There’s literally lines like “I’ve really stopped at nothing/Murder, treachery, and lying”. Jamil works super well especially if Kalim is our Kuzco for that moon and sun dynamic.

Himbo Kronk also needs a himbo to match! A physically strong yet well-meaning boy with a heart of good but not a lot of brains… It makes me think of Deuce or Silver. Jack and Sebek could also work here, but both of those guys are pretty (book) smart. Doesn’t have to be an exact match for Kronk though. I could easily see a situation where Sebek’s brazenness or Jack’s bluntness results in something stupid happening.

[larluce]

Another angst merthur AU that occured to me recently.

So remember the 50 First Dates movie? where a girl has short-term memory due to an accident and forgets the boy when she falls asleep, so he resolves to win her over again each new day.

Well, what if Merlin had this condition?

It would be during "The Secret Sharer" chapter when Merlin goes with Gwaine to look for Gaius after Arthur didn't listen to him about Agravaine. In this AU Merlin doesn't get there in time, Gaius dies and, in his rage and sorrow, his magic lashes out and destroys the cave they were in, killing Morgana and Agravaine in the process. Gwaine gets out there in time but Merlin ends up under the rubble, so Gwaine, after trying to dig Merlin out in vain, goes to the citadel to get help.

Arthur and the rest of the knights arrive there as fast as they can and dig for hours. Gwaine doesn't tell Arthur about Merlin's magic, he just says they found Agravaine conspiring with Morgana, that Agravaine killed Gaius and, suddenly, the cave collapsed. Arthur digs more desperatly, filled with guilt and not wanting to accept Merlin is dead. Time passes and they find Morgana's and Agravaine's corpses, but not Merlin's. The knights try to tell his king there's no way Merlin could've survived this, that he's gone, but Arthur won't listen and keeps searching.

Finally, when the sun is about to rise, they find Merlin unconcious, severely injured, but alive, just barely. They take Merlin back to the citadel, but, since they have physician no more, they turn to the druids for medical attention for Merlin. To the surprise of the king, they are more than willing to help his servant.

When Merlin wakes up, the last thing he remembers is his fight with Arthur about Gaius being the traitor and then nothing. Arthur doesn't want Merlin to relive the pain of lossing Gaius, but he must tell him, so he breaks the bad news to his friend. The image of Merlin going from denial to let out a heart-rending cry and finally shouting at him in anger for letting this happen, will forever hunt him. So when Merlin yells at him to leave, he obbeys. The least he could do is spare Merlin from the presence of the person that has failed him.

Some time later. At night. In Merlin's room.

Arthur: (enters, hesitant, walking on eggshells) Hey... Gwaine said you wanted to speak to me. Merlin: (sitting on his bed, not even looking at him, face neutral and dead inside) ... Arthur: (heartbroken at seing him like this) I'm so sorry. This is my fault and I will never forgive myself- Merlin: (deadpans) I'm a sorcerer. Arthur: ... Arthur: What? Merlin: I'm a sorcerer. I have magic. Arthur: Very funny. Merlin: (turns to him, serious) Do you see me laughing? Arthur: (getting nervous) Yo-you can't be a sorcerer. I would know. Merlin: Just as you knew Gaius was the traitor and Agravaine your so trusted ally. Arthur: (hurt, because that was a low blow) That's not fair. I know you are grieving but- Merlin: So you are not going to believe me again then. Arthur: If you are really a sorcerer. Why tell me this now? Merlin: (tears forming in his eyes) Because I don't care anymore. About what you'll think of me or what you'll do, or about the fucking destiny, or fate. It's all bullshit. Arthur: Merlin... Merlin: (wipes his tears quickly) It doesn't matter if you believe it or not. I just confessed I'm a sorcerer to the king of the kingdom the condems such practice. Do with that information what you must.

Arthur doesn't say anything else, just gets out of the room very conflicted. He talks about what Merlin told him to his knights and, when he sees Gwaine's reaction, he knows Merlin wasn't lying. Arthur feels betrayed, of course, that Merlin has lied to him all this time, but then Gwaine, ultimate Merlin defender, reproaches him "Can you blame him?". And Arthur knows it's true. The one time Merlin has trusted him with something, he has failed him.

And Arthur realises, that's how Merlin wanted him to feel, because that's how he made Merlin felt. He is paying him with the same coin.

Or maybe he is testing him. Seeing what Arthur will do.

Arthur just knows that he can't execute Merlin, he won't, especially after almost lossing him along with Gaius due to his own blindness. So he waits till next morning to tell Merlin that. That he is forgiven and will not be executed, that he's willing to gain his trust, work hard to amend for his mistakes.

The next morning comes, but when Arthur enters the room...

Merlin: (all scared) Arthur! Wha-what happened? Why am I all bandage? Did you find Gaius? Arthur: (confused) You know what happened. I told you yesterday. Merlin: What are you talking about? The last thing I remember is that... (gets a bit sad) Is that we fought... (shakes his head) It doesn't matter. I just want to know if you found Gaius. Arthur:(thinking, eyes wide in horror) Oh, no.

They call the druids again to check on Merlin and they give Arthur and his knights the sad news.

Druid: It seems his mind resets to the moment of your argument everytime he falls asleep. It could be a result of his head concussion, but we fear there's magic into it too. Arthur: What do you mean there's magic? Druid: There's a bit of magic encapsulating his brain. It could be some spell Morgana managed to cast on him before the fall or even something instinctual Emrys did to protect himself from the grieve. Arthur: (hopefully) So you can undo it. Right? Druid: (shakes his head, sadly) Brain magic is very difficult to cast and even more difficult to uncast. We could try, but that could also lead to a more severe brain damage too. It's too risky. I'm sorry.

Everyone is devasted. Most of all Arthur. He'll have go through watching Merlin suffer his father figure's death and recieve his resentment and hate for it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Arthur knows he deserves this, but not Merlin. It's just too cruel to have his friend grieve Gaius in a loop and never recover for it.

So Arthur resolves to save Merlin the pain.

Arthur: There was an attack. That's why you are injured. Merlin: Attack? Arthur: Morgana. You were right, my uncle was the traitor, not Gaius. I should have believed you. Merlin: (with fear) Where... where is he? Arthur: (pauses) Morgana died in the attack, but Agravaine escaped taking Gaius hostage. Don't worry, I have several search parties looking for them. Merlin: (processes the news in silence for a moment and then tries to stand up) I have to go- Arthur: (stops him, putting a hand on his shoulder) No, Merlin. You need to recover. Merlin: But, I have to- Arthur: I'll take care of this. Without Morgana Agravaine is not that much of a danger and he wouldn't dare harming Gaius knowing that he's the only thing that can guarantee his safety. Merlin: (still looking doubtful) Arthur: I'll tell you what. If today we have no news still, you can come with me in the next search party first thing in the morning. Merlin: (hopeful smile) Really? Arthur: (painfully smiles back) Yeah. Merlin: (smiles more brightly) Thank you, Arthur. Arthur: (tears roll down his eyes, not being able to contain them) No, Merlin. You shouldn't thank me. I... (thinking) I'm the reason you are like this, I'm the reason Gaius is dead. (says) This wouldn't have happened if I had listened to you. You are... hurt and it's my fault. Merlin: (holds his hand) And you realised your mistake and apologised. You are looking for Gaius now and that's more than enough for me. Arthur: (his heart breaking more)... Merlin: (frowns his brow in concern) Now tell me about Morgana. I know it mustn't have been easy for you.

And that's the Merlin he has missed. The one that still cares for him, the one that still view him as a friend.

So Arthur keeps doing this everyday. Sometimes he makes up a new story to justify Gaius' absent. The knights play along, not wanting Merlin to suffer. It's painful, but also bittersweet. At least like this, Merlin can be happy in his ignorance. They can lift the burdens of his shoulders even if it means playing a theater play every single day.

That's all I got now. What do you think?

[spiderb00bs]

- REACH ME

Tara Carpenter x reader 

“Maybe Tara wanted to be more than your friend” 

Genre – smut    Warnings – mentions distant parents 

(request) 

Now playing – What You Need, by The Weeknd

Tara Carpenter was never very open about how she felt. She struggled with her emotions, most of the time keeping everything to herself until she couldn't take it anymore and exploded. She knew it was a bad thing to do, something that would only harm herself, but she still couldn't act any other way.   

Any feeling, anger, sadness, sometimes even happiness, Tara kept inside her, even if her heart was on the verge of exploding. Even though Tara had been doing this since she was practically a child, she still couldn't hide certain feelings from her friends. Which meant that everyone knew about Tara's huge crush on you.   

You and Tara were complicated to say the least, always flirting with each other, holding hands around the campus, kissing at some frat parties, you've certainly lost potential people who were interested in the two of you because they thought you and Tara were dating. All this just so that at the end of the day, you and Tara could raise the flag of friendship and make everyone around you want to kick your asses.  

Your friends had had enough. Holy shit! Sam had had enough. All they wanted most was to see you finally admit your feelings for each other, and believe me, they tried everything. Double dates with Anika and Mindy, going out bowling as a couple with Chad and Liv, Ethan and Bailey even tried flirting with both of you to see if you'd get any reaction, but Bailey just got scared of Tara's stares and Ethan backed off because he was sure he'd get punched by you if he stayed by Tara's side for one more second. Amber even locked you in the bathroom once! But that only earned her screams and more screams.   

At some point, everyone was convinced that you might have to figure it out on your own. They didn't know when, they didn't know where, and they certainly had no idea how close it was to happening. Which brings us to the present moment.  

You and Tara always liked to do everything together, and with a big test coming up, you and the Carpenter girl decided it would be a good idea to study together. Your house wasn't noisy, you're sure your brother would stay at his girlfriend's for many days, and your parents were never home, preferring work to spending any time with the family they decided to build themselves.   

Walking to your room - where you and Tara were studying - you carried two glasses of lemonade. Summer was coming and the cold drink seemed perfect to quench your thirst.   

“Man, this is really good.” You said, taking a sip of the liquid in the glass after handing Tara's glass to her.   

Convinced by your tone, Tara brought the glass to her lips, her eyes widening slightly when she saw that you were right. “Wow, you really know how to make something.” Tara says, mocking you.   

“Hey! Of course I know, who the hell do you think I am?”  

Practically throwing yourself into your chair, you felt yourself going slightly backwards in a jolt. Momentarily forgetting that the wheelchair would move if you threw yourself onto it. The sudden movement caused the glass to tip slightly, causing much of the liquid to splash onto your white shirt.   

“Oh, fuck!” Getting up quickly, you heard Tara laughing, glancing at the girl in time to catch her looking at you with a funny face.   

“ Dude, you're such a loser.” Laughing even harder at the scowl on your face, Tara turned around in her wheelchair, following you with her eyes as you walked towards your closet, pulling at your shirt to remove it from your body.   

“Yeah, very funny. Suck my dick, Carpenter."   

Tara knew you meant it in another way, but seeing your muscly back and catching a glimpse of your abdomen and the muscles in your arms made Tara wish you had meant it in the way she was thinking.   

Who could blame her? You were always Tara's ideal type, from the first day she saw you she knew she'd have a fucking crush on you. You were tall, strong, beautiful, had a style to envy, you were polite and funny at the same time. You were everything Tara had always asked the heavens for. But she was afraid, afraid of ruining the friendship you had created over all these years. So she kept accepting the crumbs you gave her, because that was better than losing you completely.   

You and Tara had made out before, but it never went beyond that. Tara knew you had a nice body, and she was even more sure now. With your closet doors open, Tara could see you perfectly well, innocently looking for another shirt, totally oblivious to the hungry gaze the younger Carpenter had in your direction.   

“You know, it's not a bad idea.” Frowning at what Tara had said, you continued looking for a clean, stylish shirt to wear, oblivious to Carpenter's movement around your room.  

“What?” you asked, genuinely confused when a strangely nervous Tara approached you.   

“It wouldn't be a bad idea for me to suck your dick.” In disbelief, you looked at Tara with slightly wide eyes.   

You'd never even talked about sex, let alone considered it. “You're kidding, right?”   

“Why? Do you think you can't handle me?” Tara asked, her fingers gripping the belt loops of your pants, pulling you closer and making you slightly nervous.  

“I can handle it. Can you handle it, Carpenter?” You said, pulling the shorter girl closer by the waist.   

God, you loved Tara's waist, it was so small in your hands, it made you feel so big.   

“Why don't you come and find out...”   

In all the talk, that was more than enough to make you move forward, kissing Tara's lips with desire. Your hands squeezed the girl's slender waist and Tara's sighs were like music to your ears. Her lips tasted like strawberries from the lipstick, and the kiss had a slight aftertaste of the lemonade you were drinking a few minutes ago.   

You couldn't believe it, Tara was simply the most beautiful girl you'd ever seen, and here you were, about to have sex with her. You were nervous, but you had to get over it. You wanted it to be good for Tara, as much as you knew it would be for you.  

Tara gasps as you lift her off the floor, wrapping her legs around your waist, Tara noticing that you were holding her with just one arm, while the other groped the walls, looking for the way out, as you were too busy kissing Tara's neck to lift your head. Finally emerging from the closet, you walk over to the bed, carefully tossing Tara onto it before climbing on top of her.   

“Fuck, you're so hot, Tara.” Lowering your kisses to her breasts, you tugged at the hem of Carpenter's shirt in a silent request to take it off.   

“ Fuck, Yn. Do whatever you want to me!” With a smile on your face, you pulled Tara's shirt off, your fingers quickly going up and opening the clasp of the girl's bra.   

“God, you're so beautiful, Tara.” Hearing your words, the Carpenter girl's body shivered, making her let out a moan as you massaged her breasts - now free of the fabric -.   

“Do you like it?” Looking at you in bewilderment, Tara saw you laugh a little. “Do you like it when I compliment you, Tara?”   

Tara moaned, confirming what you wanted to know.   

“Do you like it when I say you're being a good girl for me?” Tara moaned awkwardly as you took her nipple in your mouth, sucking slowly without giving the girl a chance to respond to your teasing.   

Taking advantage of Tara's distraction in the fog, you unbuttoned the girl's pants, pulling the garment off her body, seeing the damp stain forming on her panties.   

“Fuck, are you already wet?” You teased, leaving a kiss on Tara's clit under the fabric of her underwear, only for the Carpenter girl to let out a loud moan.   

“You do that to me.” Tara said, pulling your hair closer to her intimacy. “Please fuck me.”  

You smiled, knowing that you were making the most of this moment. Even as you felt your cock growing in your pants, you decided that you wanted to make the most of that moment.   

Removing Tara's panties, you gave her pussy an experimental lick, collecting all the juices that flowed from it. “Uhmm, you're delicious, Tara.” Hearing Tara moan, you continued your work.   

Grabbing the brunette's legs, you gained more access to her intimacy, sucking her clit and making the woman squirm in your arms. “Please, Yn. I need more.”  

Looking at the woman, you could see Tara's watery eyes, those eyes that seemed to beg for your pity, those eyes that made you want to torture her even more with pleasure. But at that moment, those eyes made you give in.  

Standing up, you unbuttoned your pants, making Tara lean on her elbows so she wouldn't miss a second of the show. When Tara saw the bulge in your underwear, her mouth was already dry, she had imagined how big you were, even felt it a few times when she was sitting on your lap at parties, but she never thought she would see it up close.   

Seeing Tara look at you as if you were a piece of meat, you let out a snort, reaching out to grab a condom from the drawer of your bedside table. “Drooling too much?”  

“Shut up.” Tara said, the smile on her lips letting you know she was enjoying the moment. “I think you talk too much.”   

Looking at Tara with a raised eyebrow, you watched the girl kneel on the bed, reaching up only to take the condom from your hand, settling back on the bed with a predatory look on her face. “You don't know what you're talking about...”  

“Come here and show me.” Overcome by desire, you took off your underwear, making your cock jump free and hit your abs.   

Climbing onto the bed, you made your way between Tara's legs, kissing the Carpenter girl as soon as you had the chance. You gasped into the kiss as soon as you felt Tara's hand reach your cock, feeling her pump a few times, you spread kisses across her neck, distracting yourself while the younger Carpenter put the condom on you.   

Moving up from her neck to Tara's jaw, you pulled away from her slightly, looking into her brown eyes. “Are you sure you want to do this?”   

Rolling her eyes, Tara put a sarcastic smile on her face. “Why? Don't you think you can handle it?”   

Getting onto your knees properly, you watched Tara lie back comfortably on your pillows. “I just want to make sure you're comfortable with it, Tara.”   

Seeing that you were serious, the Carpenter girl stretched out her arm, her hand resting on your waist, only for her to shake her head, as if finally realizing that you wanted a sincere answer from her.   

“Of course I do.” Sitting up properly on the bed, Tara's hand reached for the back of your neck, pulling you until your forehead was resting against hers. “I've never wanted anything as much as I want this, Yn.”  

Seeing you nod, Tara smiled, pulling you into a kiss and making you lie on top of her. One of your hands was on her waist, while the other guided your cock to her wet pussy.  

Carefully, you slid the head of your cock into Tara, making the woman moan into the kiss. “Fuck, you're so big!”   

“You like that, pretty girl?” Tara moaned at the nickname, ecstatic as you sank into her inch by inch.   

“Fuck, I love it.” Taking your hand in hers, she looked up at you, almost as if asking your permission.   

With your cock all impaled inside Tara, you took both her hands, intertwining them with yours and placing them on top of her head. Your thrusts began at a slow pace, but increased in line with Tara's desperate pleas.   

The brunette underneath you was ecstatic, she was loving it, you were even better than Tara had imagined. You could make the hard feel soft, and the fast feel loving, you could make Tara feel two ways at the same time. She had never had sex with someone who made her feel loved and dirty at the same time.   

The words and compliments you whispered to her made Tara's stomach churn with pleasure, your big, sturdy form on top of her gave her the feeling of protection and imposingness that she used to hate with guys out there. But Tara knew you weren't a guy, and you weren't even close to being a jerk like them either.  

You managed to be gentle and loving amidst the brutality of your thrusts, you managed to leave Tara wanting more, you were making the brunette see stars. And it was only when Tara felt that no forming that she let out a loud moan, which was quickly muffled by your lips on hers.   

You knew Tara was coming, when you pulled away from the kiss, you saw her eyes roll back, her hands squeezing yours as it became harder and harder to move inside her. Slowing your thrusts, you followed Tara all the way up her, still hitting her g-spot as you chased your own orgasm.  

Kissing Tara's forehead, you thrust a few more times, seeing tears of pleasure in the woman's eyes. Grunting, you pulled your cock out of Tara, masturbating quickly and watching the jets of your come fill the condom.   

“Fuck...” Taking off the condom, you went to the bathroom, disposing of it in the trash and getting back into bed as quickly as possible, worried that Tara would think it meant nothing to you.   

Lying next to the brunette, you could see the smile on her face. Crawling closer to her, you left a kiss on the younger Carpenter's cheek, making her look at you with heartfelt eyes.   

“Was it good for you?” you asked, still worried that you hadn't satisfied the woman.   

“Are you kidding?” Tara asked, settling down on your bare chest. “It was the best fuck of my life.” She said laughing.   

Smiling, you looked at Tara, the words stuck in your throat. “Did that... mean anything? Or like, are we just friends who fuck?” You asked, laughing nervously.   

“Yn, I never wanted to be just your friend.” Tara said, leaning in and kissing your lips.   

A feeling of relief ran through your body. Finally, you had the girl you'd always wanted, and you were going to do everything to make her happy. 

hey guys, I hope you're well.

I'm very happy to be posting here today, I hope I'll be able to post some short requests and some thoughts that you send as well.

did you see the oscars? honestly, i'm very happy that “i'm still here” won an award. And although I was rooting for Fernanda until the last minute, I'm also very happy for Mikey. And I want to say that this profile does not support ANY kind of hate or misogyny towards Mikey.

Mikey is a kind and loving soul, and she's just doing her job. So I want to make it clear that I don't support any kind of hate.

anyway, that's it. drink water, stay safe

xoxo, spider.

[chainelunaire]

Hi, can you write a virgin Dabi headcanon? Or like his reaction to getting his first blowjob by the reader?

(this is kinda heavy and not smutty at all)

dabi's so repulsed by the idea of sex, it's funny (it's very much not).

growing up in a home where he had not witnessed gentle heartwarming love between his parents, then being traumatized by near death experience, which then resulted in a constant body horror in every sense of the word, and Then for years trying to survive on streets while simultaniously keep training hard - yeah, i think he kind of haven't had enough time or energy for anything other than his Great Goal.

(from here i believe it can go two ways, one him being so closed off physically, and the other is for another post, if ever interested)

his mind is set on revenge, his entire soul is dedicated to a great cause, and while this all is true, it is also true that he clearly understands how scary (read, ugly in the eyes of others) he looks. he lives in this new body designed for him specifically not so long, yet he already knows every little disgusting detail about it, and every day he's finding a new one. deep deep inside he is terrified to the core. not only is he experiencing a major body dismorphia issues, but this also comes with a fact that this body was quite literally sewed together, replacing the burnt parts with flesh he doesn't want to ever question where came from. this body fails him every day. he lost his nails not once, but many times. he expericenced almost every infection known to mankind due to constantly open wounds. he frequently steals clothes, because they end up getting stained, in some parts slimy, and he's a clean freak, he kind of needs to be to survive. once he left a small piece of his ear on a pillow in one of lov's hideouts and was freaking out after. because the police could figure out his identity (not quite, he later realised, since they were not really his ears), and because he was really fond of the lost earring. compress later gifted him a new one. you get the picture.

he himself made the decision to cut off anything that will bring him any pleasure in life (sex included). it's a plethora of reasons why he doesn't want any of it, the main being is that of course, he doesn't believe anyone would genuinely want him in that way, and the second one, very vulnerable and naive, is that he realises that that will make everything harder for him. he's living this life on a hell mode already, he doesn't really need any more disappointment. so he build his later life so that it would be easy for him to let go in the end. and believing that someone found him attractive enough to have sex with him without any ulterior motives would make it harder (not that it'd ever happen, of course!). he's smart enough to understand that.

so he, of course, has much more important business going, and so you know - he's not interested. no one would be interested in that. no one in their right mind would want that, because there's nothing to want.

and you would think it'll take forever for him to fall for you, but it's easier than it seems. him still being that depending on what others think of him, still wanting the so long delayed approval and attention, it really won't take much of you for him to like you. he's so sensitive to kindness, especially when it's not towards him personally (that would make him alarmed, if anything) but rather casual small things, it really does something to his hardened heart. make no mistake, him liking you does not equal trusting you, that's a different story for another time. for now, he tries to hide it and he does it really well. so well in fact that for a long time you're quite sure that he wants you dead. he kind of does. but he still likes you.

fast forward to the subject of sex: he tries his best to avoid it at any cost. by that time, being in a relationship and trusting you enough to simply entertain the thought of it, he still thinks it's better if he dies on the spot rather than try. all of his insecurities come alive and well the exact time he thought he got rid of them.

the thing is, he doesn't necessarily want sex in itself, but he surely wants love. he wants to be loved so much and to him you seeing his body and running away in horror is a very real fear. he knows he won't be able to survive this, his mind would be completely broken. he's self-aware enough to understand that even knowing he's not the most sane person in the room. he will be able to live without sex, he was living like that and he was fine, but he won't be able to move on if he'll see the disgust on your face. if you'll find out what he truly is, it will crush him.

he will make it incredibly hard for you. he doesn't want to be a walking emotional rolling coaster, but he can't help it. he's terrified. one day he thinks that it's not a big deal let's go and later in the evening he'd disappear for a week. one moment he kind of wants to catch up and at least learn something on the matter and second later after opening the first link on google he's embarrased, disgusted and wants to set himeslf aflame. in general, he kind of wants to cry the whole time. he's angry at his dad, his mom, psychos that sewed him together, you, who's still by his side being annoyingly patient, but most importantly, he's mad at himself. he's already doing great mental gymnastics in favor of his own life, which he hadn't consider his for more than a decade. turns out, it could be very painful to realise how much you were robbed of, even after claiming for years that you didn't even want it.

needless to say, it'll take more than one shot for you, but eventually he will come around, probably on a random tuesday. tries to be nonchalant about it, but he is so chalant actually. after so much talking about everything he was capable of muster, after so much reassuring and constant showing of love and respect, he could one day wake up and suddenly realise that that fear while not fully gone, but he's at least capable of trying through it. you always knew he would be a sweetheart, him, however? not so sure.

in the end, you are right.

by that time, he's a lot more calm and collected. tells you to be serious and stop giggling, his ears red as a flame when you start laughing full chest - sometimes you are nervous too, he realised later in your relationship, even though he still doesn't understand why, anyone would want you. learnt to accept the fact that complete darkness won't save him in the end, but still asks for a very dim light. he doesn't really care about himself, but he tried to learn more so it would be good for you at least. compensates the lack of experience with observing every reaction he can get out of you (and he has a mental list from all the time before too). he's slow - because he's shy and inexperienced and afraid, - annoyingly so, but he's surprisingly precise and selfless. he would never be rough, especially the first time. needs gentle encouragement, which is perfect - not only he gets to hear your voice more, but his thinly veiled praise kink is enjoying the attention too. cracks some joke about begging the god not to lose his second earring in the middle of it, and you actually laugh so hard he needs to stop because now he's laughing too. the whole time not once has he found in your eyes something he was so afraid of finding. you look at him with nothing but love and adoration, hold his face in your hands, your palms warm and soft and tender, and his chest is tight with pain and with the lightness of it all. at some point he thinks that he really was right, it was easier to just die than to experience it all. he wants to cry, again. he can't really explain why, so he lays in your arms silently, letting you hold him, caress his hair and skin until you fall asleep. it will take all of his willpower not to run away in the middle of the night, he stays because he doesn't want to hurt you like that.

interestingly enough, in the morning without doing anything at all he feels significantly better. he can't help but smile when he enters the kitchen, seeing you preparing the breakfast and brewing hot black coffee. none of you mention the night before, yet you both are smiling at each other when you start to eat.

in this scenario, he'll need quite some time and hard work to only warm up about the idea of a blowjob. he'll forever be disgusted of the body he's currently living in, the best he can hope is to grow neutral about it, which is very real possibility with time. yet, he probably realises he's not ready to take this step now. he's not even sure if he ever will.

[gaywineauntsstuff]

My favorite thing I’ve seen is AUs where characters are trans and nothing changes and nobody knows until they accidentally have to lore dump and they’re fine with it bc they lowkey assume these people close to them know they’re trans and everyone’s like??????? HUH? Since when

Anyway support my trans!Dick Grayson headcanons bc fuck you i can

- Dick told his parents he was a boy at like age 3 and they were like… fuck it sure.. we’ll pick you a new name

-John Grayson then despairs bc his brother then gleefully informs him that John promised to name their first boy after him bc he lost a bet. Mary thinks it’s too funny to not go along with

-3 Yro Dick has a lisp and can’t pronounce his own name and finds out Dick is a nickname and proceeds to immediately go by it and yell at anyone who doesn’t use his new name

- Kid has no documents and grew up in a circus so when he ends up in Gotham. There are literally no issues at all.

- Bruce adopts him as Richard John Grayson and is none the wiser about anything

-Alfred is the first one to find out when at 11 Dick freaks out and thinks he’s hemorrhaging in the bathroom bc he’s bleeding. Cue realization moment! Followed by many many many awkward questions and Alfred being awesome assumes his grandson is stealth and maybe doesn’t want anyone including Bruce to know so he takes over every and Dick gets the medications he needs with no issue

- second person to realize is Roy bc they’re messing around btw (Dick did not inform him of this before, Roy is 100% Cool with it and goes… damn okay…anyway bc he’s chill like that)

-now about 700 new bats have happened and Dick is nightwing and literally the only people who know anything at all are his current/previous partners and Alfred

And shenanigans ensue with Jason catches Dick injecting something…while he has no injuries… no nothing

Now Jason freaks ofc bc??? DICK WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Listen he might hate all of them but he is VERY MUCH not okay losing another relative to addiction wtf he’s not having a panic attack fuck you

Anyway

Dick just goes “Jason calm down it’s just my t-shot” and Jason who definitely didn’t jump to conclusions bc he’s sleep deprived and has a 16 hour run in with fear toxin is like

“What the fuck is that?? Is that something new on the street what’s happening dick? Are you doing untested Shit?

And Dick who has had to DEAL with Jason during 16 hours of fear toxin induced terror, as well as the rest of the family and would really like to go chill days in front of many of his family members: testosterone Jason. Bc I’m trans

To which everyone is confused

Dick is too tired to realize this and goes the fuck to bed

Bruce then panics bc “wait what if he wasn’t that accepting when Dick was younger and that’s why Dick didn’t ever come out? What did he do that made his son feel like he couldn’t talk to Bruce about it”

Tim is annoyed bc he is supposed to know things and now he owes Bernard money bc they had an argument over which letter each batfam member corresponds to

This is based off that one supernatural fic where somehow Sam was oblivious to his brother being trans anyway

[flowery-mess]

lost in touch

Pairing: frat boy Noah x female reader

Warnings: 18+! MDNI / sexual content - oral, fingering, protected sex, nipple play, dry humping / use of a blindfold / mentions of tied hands / dirty talk (I tried lol) / inexperienced reader / I think that's it, let me know if you find anything else

Words: 6k

Author's note: can't believe my longest frat Noah fic is a smut😭 I project lot of myself into Ella and this one shot is proof of that lol

frat boy Noah masterlist

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✨This one is happening in the beginning of their story, let’s say like the third/fourth time they spend the night together…✨

“What’s up with you Noah? You haven’t said a single word yet.” Nick elbowed Noah in his side, pulling him out of the trance he was in.

“Not in the mood.” he replied grumpily.

Noah was actually looking forward to leaving, with or without you, tonight was just one of those days. He arrived an hour ago and was ready to leave immediately. He wanted to know if you’re going to show up, probably yes, so he opted for staying until you do.

When you did show up, he almost felt bad for wanting to leave immediately. You were looking particularly good, black dress with white pattern with long sleeves, a leather jacket over your shoulders, black tights and boots. Your hair and makeup was nicely done and you looked like you were ready to have fun.

You didn’t look out for him, why would you when you usually leave at 1AM, not 9PM.

“So, what are we drinking tonight?” Clara asked you and Molly when you stood in front of the “bar”.

“How about vodka soda for starters?” Molly suggested and you all agreed.

Noah watched you and your friends from his spot on the couch thinking about his options. One, he leaves without talking to you, two, he asks if you want to leave right now and you turn him down, three, he asks if you want to leave right now and you agree.

When Jolly threw popcorn at him and had another annoying comment about why he hasn’t spoken a word, Noah just took out his phone and texted you “meet me in the backyard in a minute?” and flipped his friends off.

He was already waiting for you when you opened the back door that led you to the garden. Frown on his face which didn’t go away even when you said “Hi.” and gave him one of your smiles.

“Hi. I, uh, I’m not really in the mood for a party tonight so I wanted to ask if you’d like to leave, like right now?” when he saw your confused face he continued, “You don’t have to, you can stay of course. I was just thinking about getting some take out and then going home. And I wanted to tell you, because I don’t really know how this thing works.”

He was cute, rumbling and talking too much.

“Well my friends won’t be happy I’m leaving this soon, but I’m actually kinda hungry.”

“Okay, cool.” he didn’t think you’d actually agree, so he didn’t know what was the next plan, because he didn’t have any.

“Okay. I’m gonna tell them and meet you?”

“Sure, I’ll be in the parking lot.”

—

“So, what’s got you in this grumpy mood?” you asked Noah when you left the drive through, enough food for a family of four in your lap.

“I’m not grumpy.” he groaned.

“You’re not exactly a ray of sunshine either.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s just you could have just told me you want to be alone tonight. We don’t have to do this every single week.” lie, you wanted to do this exactly every single week. Noah wasn’t in his usual mood tonight, but he wasn’t rude to you, you just didn’t know how to act around him. You didn’t want him to feel like he had to spend the night with you, if he’d prefer being alone tonight.

“I don’t want to be alone tonight, I’m glad you left with me. One hamburger and I’ll be in a much better mood, trust me.” you laughed at his answer, but hoped it was the truth. You liked spending time with him, he was funny and it seemed like he was more himself when it was just the two of you.

Your eyes watched the streets passing by as Noah drove you somewhere.

“Where are we going? Isn’t your place in the opposite direction?”

“It is, just wait and you'll see.”

“There it is.” you pointed at his face and got him all confused about what you’re talking about.

“What?”

“The smile, you’re smiling.”

“So?”

“So? You’ve been frowning the whole night.”

“I haven’t!” he argued back, but couldn’t help the growing smile on his face.

“Liar.” you threw french fry at him, one that you secretly stole from the take away bag in your lap.

The rest of the ride was silent, you could only hear noises from outside or the radio at low volume. Noah finally stopped the car and your mouth was left hanging open.

The full city view was in front of you, you could see all of the lights under the dark sky.

“That is beautiful.” you stated.

“I know.” you saw his cocky smile.

“Is this where you take all of your girls?” you teased.

“All of my girls?” he was genuinely confused, you were the only one he was “seeing” at the moment.

“I mean when you take girls out on a date, is this where you take them? The view, good food, music. I bet that’s the move for them to fall in love with you.”

“I don’t date.” he shrugged his shoulders and dug into the bag full of food.

“Like never?” you continued eating your fries.

“Never.”

“So you never had a girlfriend?”

“When I was like sixteen? I don’t remember.” you were surprised. He is attractive, smart, has his own place and car, he’s funny and easy to be around.

“Oh, okay.” he just chuckled at your reaction.

“And you?”

“One boyfriend for 5 years.” you told him the truth. Your romantic life was never really interesting. You started dating your now ex boyfriend when you were both 18, broke up at 23 and that was it.

“That sounds serious, why did you break up?” Noah asked.

“Nothing interesting. We just wanted different things, and had different plans for the future. It was more of a friendship than a relationship in the last few months.”

“Still friends?”

“Not really, but we ended things on good terms.”

You finished your food and talked more about random things. Noah was right, after he finished his food he was in a much better mood.

You talked about everything and nothing, but you didn’t know that Noah had one question in his mind since you shared with him that you only had one boyfriend. He was building up the courage to ask, not sure how you’re going to react.

“Can I ask you something personal? You don’t have to answer.” Noah started.

You both made yourselves comfortable, pushed your seats back, folded legs under yourselves and were facing each other.

“Go ahead.” you were scared of what's going to come out of his mouth, in your sober state you didn’t like personal questions, but he wouldn’t ask anything too personal, right?

“You said you had only one boyfriend,” he shifted in his seat and you nodded at him, “does that mean that beside me he’s the only person you had sex with?”

You almost choked on your sprite after he said it out loud. It wasn’t a bad question, you just had a hard time talking about your sex life. Heat got in your face, cheeks turned 5 shades of red and you avoided eye contact.

“You don’t have to answer Ella.”

“Yes.” you answered truthfully, but still continued looking out of the window.

“Look at me.” he said, but you didn’t. “Hey, look at me.”

Noah gently took your chin in his hand and made you face him, he saw the look on your face and immediately felt bad for asking that question.

“I’m sorry I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” he said.

“It’s okay, it’s just not easy for me to talk about those things. I mean, I don’t mind the subject, but I always get like this.” you pointed to your face and finally broke a smile. Noah smiled too, relieved he didn’t make you feel bad or something.

He kept his hand on your chin and looked at your face for any signs of discomfort. When he didn’t find any, he leaned to kiss you. The kiss was slow, gentle, as if he was saying “You don’t have to feel ashamed around me.”

You kissed him back and enjoyed this slow passionate moment. After a few more kisses Noah sat back in his seat, tugging at your hand as a hint for you to crawl over the center console in his lap.

You felt the adrenaline in your body after you found a comfortable position straddling Noah’s lap. This was new for you, all of this. You and your boyfriend never did anything like this.

Noah’s hands were all over your body the second you stopped moving around, one of them grabbing you by your neck and leaning you down to meet him halfway in another kiss. This time more passionate and needy. When you pulled away to take a breath and get rid of your leather jacket, Noah looked at you and said “It’s actually kinda hot, knowing I’m the second guy you let this close to you.”

Because he suddenly felt more confident in this whole thing, he enjoyed being the one that has more experience and can show you how sex should feel.

His big hands gripped the soft skin of your ass and you let out a small moan right into the kiss. You didn’t know what’s gotten into you, but you rolled your hips against Noah’s and felt a new kind of exićitement run through your body. After you realized what you’ve done you stopped, not knowing if it was too much or not. There were layers between you two, but you felt Noah’s dick growing hard seconds after.

“Do it again.” he whispered against the skin on your neck, feeling just the same amount of pleasure from your actions as you did.

So you started moving in his lap again, feeling kinda pathetic about how good it felt. Noah pulled you in another kiss and his grip on your ass tightened. He rolled your dress up to your waist and occasionally lifted his hips from his seat to rub against you.

“Does it feel good?” he used the moment you pulled away to get some air and whispered in your ear before kissing you just under there.

“Mhm.” you just hummed instead of words, your head falling back from the ecstasy you felt was coming closer and closer.

Noah knew you were close by the way you lost control of your hands. You didn’t know where to put them, first one of them was gripping the head rest behind Noah’s head, then it slipped in his hair, then your other hand slid down on his chest because you couldn’t keep it still.

“That’s it, keep going.” he encouraged you with whispered words in your ear and couldn’t stop looking at your face. Your eyes closed, mouth open and head falling backwards every time he moved his hips too. Your movements became messy so his grip on your hips tightened to keep you going until you took a sharp breath in and squeezed Noah with your legs.

You rolled your hips against his few more times to get through the afterwave of your orgasm and then fell on his chest.

That bastard was just smiling, happy from what he just witnessed.

You snuggled into the soft skin of his neck, wanting to stay there forever due to feeling like a horny teenager that just dry humped a guy's bulge.

“That was fucking sexy.” instead of making fun of you as you expected, he growled a whisper into your ear.

That gave you enough confidence to look up at him and give him one of your shy smiles. His fingers grazed the skin of your face before he pulled you into a soft kiss.

“Let’s go to mine, huh?” he rubbed his nose along your jaw, waiting for your answer even though he knew it would be yes by the way your lips turned into an excited smile.

—

At his place, Noah didn’t waste any time and took you straight to his bedroom. He was still thrilling from the new information that he got tonight and wanted to show you just how good can sex be.

He laid you down on his bed and noticed your pink cheeks and shy smile. Cute, he thought. He knows he’s attractive, but he also usually sleeps with girls that are not new to the sex life, so they don’t react to the smallest things like you do.

He put his weight on his elbows and went for a kiss. It was slow and gentle as a signal to give you enough confidence to take the kiss in the direction you wanted it to go.

He felt your fingers graze his neck and then slowly move to his hair. He noticed you liked playing with his hair and he loved it. The different tugs and scratches you did showed him what you like without you having to say it out loud.

When he kissed you on your jaw and used his teeth a little, you always stopped moving your fingers in his hair and tugged on it. That’s how he learned lots of small things you like.

He continued kissing and teasing you, wanting to know how long it would take until you made a move.

Maybe it was Noah’s touch or his lips on your sensitive skin that made you roll your bodies over so you were straddling his lap. You saw his smirk which made you hide your face in the crook of his neck.

“Hey, look at me.” he took your chin in his long tattooed fingers and lifted your head enough to see your eyes. “Don’t be shy around me, I like to see you get more confident. Don’t hide yourself from me, okay?”

It took you a few seconds before you replied “Okay.”, because you realised there was a lot you haven’t tried, but wanted to. So you appreciated Noah’s words more than he realized.

It was your turn to lean in for a kiss, using your tongue to make Noah open his mouth so you could deepen the kiss.

Your core softly, but enough for you to let out a moan, rolled over Noah’s bulge. You hid your face in the side of Noah’s face again.

“Okay look at me.” Noah had to use some of his strength to make you sit straight and look at his face. “I understand that you’re shy, but sex is about exploring and enjoyment. You obviously have a lot to explore and I want to help you with that, but you have to let me. You don’t have to hide your pleasure from me, I want to see it. And hear it.” his hands were on your thighs, thumbs gently stroking your skin to calm you down.

“I know, I just,” you sighed, mad at yourself for not finding the right words to express what you were feeling. “I guess I’m just really shy when it comes to this. Having sex was always the same ritual for me, I am getting used to all this new stuff.”

“I understand that. Is there something that I can do to help you?”

In fact there was something, but again, speaking your wants and desires was hard for you.

“Say it, I’m not gonna judge you Ella.” Noah saw the hesitation in your eyes and wanted to tell you his desires to make you feel better, but wasn’t sure if it wouldn’t have the opposite effect and scare your pure soul off.

You took a deep breath and hyped yourself as if you were asking him to marry you.

“Maybe you not looking at me would help. Like, close your eyes for the whole time.” you blurted out he almost didn’t understand you. Thank god he did, because if you had to say it out loud again, you’d rather just get up and leave.

He started smirking again, because you didn’t know what you just asked him to do was one of his very favorite things to do in bed.

“Okay.” he said and gently pushed you off of his lap and reached to his night stand. He opened the second drawer and moved a few things around until he found what he was looking for. Once he laid back on the mattress he started proposing his idea to you.

“I can put on this blindfold if that’s something that’ll make you more comfortable.” he showed you what he just took out of the drawer, a simple black blindfold. “And I’ll let you take the lead. You can explore my body, try things you’re shy to do when I can see you. You can put my hands anywhere you want me to touch you, or tell me what you want me to do. I’m all yours tonight, if that’s something you’d like to try?”

The idea alone made you clench your thighs together. He’d let you explore his body, something you’d very much appreciate.

“Okay.” you replied.

“Okay.” he said back and handed you the blindfold. “I’m yours.”

Noah laid down on his back and closed his eyes already. You kneeled next to him and before you put the soft fabric over his eyes you told him “If something makes you uncomfortable you’ll tell me, right?”, because in no way you wanted him to feel like he had to let you do anything to him.

“Of course. I trust you Ella.” and with that you lifted his head gently and put the blindfold where it’s supposed to sit.

“You can also tie my hands if you want to have full control.” he said it as a joke, but when you answered in a serious tone “No, I want you to touch me.” he knew he just woke up something inside you.

Given this opportunity, you wanted to have the full experience and take it slowly.

You leaned to capture Noah’s lips with yours. When you did, it was like a new spark between you two. He showed you he trusts you with his body and you showed him that you trust him too by agreeing to do this.

You continued kissing his soft lips and playing with his hair for a minute, getting comfortable in this familiar position before you knew what you wanted to do next.

You slowly moved your kisses from his lips to his jaw, giving him small pecks and moving in the direction of his left ear. You brushed your nose along his jaw before giving your attention fully to his ear. You bit at his earlobe a few times, adding more pressure with each bite. To erase any pain it could cause you used your tongue and licked his skin.

It seemed like suddenly you felt everything. You felt his solid chest under your hands, his breath tickling the skin on your face, his fingers twitch from time to time and the smell of his skin combined with his cologne.

You continued kissing his neck, sucking just a bit more at places where you felt his breathing change.

When you reach the fabric of his black t-shirt you said “I’m gonna take your shirt off.” in barely a whisper. He lifted himself and helped you out of the soft fabric.

You straddled his lap and your eyes scanned his chest. You always took a look at his body when you could, but this time knowing he can’t tease you about it, you let your eyes wander over his wide tattooed chest as long as they wanted to.

His arms were laying next to his body, because as he promised, he let you have the lead even with his touch on your body. You grabbed them and put his hands on your thighs and felt him give you a small encouraging squeeze. Your fingers wandered over his forearm, biceps, shoulders all the way to his chest. First you traced the lines of his tattoos, seeing goosebumps on his skin from your touch. Small things like these made your confidence shoot through the roof.

You noticed a particularly sharp breath when your fingers accidentally touched his nipple. You as a woman knew this was a sensitive part of the human body, so you wanted to know just how sensitive it is for Noah. Your fingers on both hands made small circles around his nipples and you felt another squeeze on your thighs. His pink nipples hardened under your touch and you couldn’t help yourself from leaning down and taking one of them in your mouth.

“Oh shit.” Noah whispered at the sudden hot feeling of your mouth, his mouth left hanging open.

You licked and sucked on his nipple a few more times before you moved for the other one. You felt Noah’s dick hard between your legs, his hips occasionally lifting a bit to get some fraction.

When you came back for Noah’s lips that were still open from the pleasure you just gave him, you had the perfect opportunity to slide your tongue inside his mouth. Again, he let you take the lead even when it came to kissing you, but you felt his lips turn into a smile. He was already feeling more confidence from your actions.

Your hands slid from his chest lower and lower until you reached the waistband of his jeans. You disconnected your lips and started undoing his belt. Once again he helped you to take his clothes off and when you saw him only in his underwear you realized you haven’t taken any of yours off.

Standing at the feet of his bed, you got rid of everything except your underwear and crawled back to where Noah was waiting for you.

You straddled his lap again and reached for his hands. They felt too big in your own hands, but they felt too good when you placed them on your waist. Noah’s fingers started to trace patterns in your soft skin, waitting for your next move. You moved them by his wrists all the way to your chest. He slid his thumbs over your still bra covered nipples, returning the pleasure from earlier. One of his hands grabbed you by the back of your neck as he lowered you enough for his mouth to reach your boobs. He sucked on your nipple through the thin lacy fabric and then took it between his teeth. You let out a silent moan.

“You can be louder. I know you want to be. I want to hear you, don’t hold back.” he whispered into your skin before he laid back down again.

You couldn’t help the smile on your face, even though he couldn’t see it. He made you feel things your ex boyfriend never did. He made you feel wanted.

Your attention was back on his chest, his breathing back to normal as he was waiting for your next move.

You got off his lap and kneeled between his legs. Tracing your fingers along the waistband of his black Calvin Klein’s you noticed the wet spot where the tip of his dick would be. You wanted to try to be a little tease, so you palmed him over the black thin fabric with your thumb going over his tip.

“Fuck that feels good.” the fact is, even though dirty talk makes you blush and hide your face, it also turns you on, so when you combine Noah’s words and the fact that he can’t see you? Wave of confidence.

Leaning down your hands grabbed his thighs and your tongue teased him still over the fabric. You heard another “Fuck.” mumbled under his breath.

Your nails were gently scratching his skin and your mouth planted small kisses above his underwear. You felt his dick twitch from your touch, enough for the teasing you thought.

When you pulled the black underwear down his legs, his dick was hard and red. You took a moment to take the sight in, Noah laying as vulnerable as someone can be in front of you. He looked hot, even when he was laying still, silently calling for your touch, he was the most attractive guy you ever laid your eyes on.

You laid on your front between his legs and reached for his hard cock. You licked a stripe from the base to the tip, a few drops of precum landing on your tongue.

“Yeah, that’s it.” he groaned out, happier than ever to finally being touched there.

You stroked his shaft a few times, watching his facial reaction. His mouth was open, his chest going up and down and his hands were gripping the sheets.

When his precum wasn’t enough you took him in your mouth, slowly. Noah let out moans and grunts, feeling the warmth of your mouth was almost enough to finish him.

You let your saliva drip on him, making it easier for you to slide your hand up and down. When you didn’t have him in your mouth, your lips were grazing over the skin of his thighs, gently placing kisses there. You were experimenting with the pace, changing it from slow to fast to slow again.

“Fuck, don’t stop!” his breathing became quicker with every move of your hand. You took him in your mouth again, enjoying the feeling of him filling your mouth. When you flattened your tongue and smacked the tip of his swollen dick on it, he let out a sound that went straight between your thighs.

You continued the movement of your hand in steady pace, watching his face as he was getting closer and closer.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop!” he begged you, “I’m so close!” he moaned and seconds after that you felt hot liquid on your hand that made you look down.

You gave him a few more strokes before you stopped, watching the mess he made on his tummy and on your hand.

“Fuckin hell.” he let out a sigh of satisfaction, his dick still twiching from the intense orgasm. “Come here.” he reached for you with his hand and you crawled to face him.

He pulled you in for a kiss, messy and needy one.

“Let me clean you up.” you whispered against his lips and ran to his bathroom to wash your hand and then get some towel to wash the mess he made over himself.

“Are you okay? Do you want to continue?” Noah asked you when you came back from his bathroom.

“Yeah, I do. Do you?” you asked him back.

“Fuck yeah.” he was so turned on by this whole blindfold thing, he was ready to continue.

You just chuckled at his reaction and threw the wet towel on the floor after you were done.

You didn’t really know what to do, so you laid yourself on Noah’s chest and started kissing him again.

You were wet and ready to be touched by him.

After a while you started to be impatient and rubbed yourself over his dick just like you did in the car earlier.

“I know what you want, but I want you to ask for it. Put my hands where you want them.” he whispered between kisses.

It took you a few seconds of talking to yourself before you took one of his hands and slid it between your thighs.

Noah’s fingers teased you over your lacy panties, enjoying the whimpers he got from you in response.

“Noah.” you moaned. You were so worked up from this whole thing, you were sure you could come just from these gentle touches.

“Yeah? Let’s take these off.” he helped you take off your panties.

His hand was back between your legs, spreading your folds and teasing your entrance. You laid your head on his chest and moved your hips, desperate to get more from him.

“That’s it, ride my hand.” he encouraged you to move your hips again. His thumb found your clit with the right amount of pressure and his fingers continued to tease you.

“Good job, keep going.” he slid one of his fingers inside with ease given how wet you were.

You let yourself be louder with your moans, thinking his chest will muffle the sounds, but Noah could hear you pretty clearly. Your moans and the grip you had on his biceps made him hard again and he wasn’t far from letting his moans slip as well.

“You’re so sexy.” he felt you squeeze his fingers after he whispered more dirty things in your ear, smirking to himself.

“You like when I talk you through it don’t you?” he felt you squeeze him again, enough for him as an answer.

“Noah, fuck!” by the way you moaned his name and quickened the pace of your hip movements he knew you were close, so he slipped second finger in, giving you the right angle of his hand so after a few more rolls of your hips you reached your orgasm.

You stayed laying on Noah’s chest as his fingers made their way from your core to your mouth, leaving a wet trail on your side where he dragged them until he reached your lips and pushed them open. You licked his fingers clean, tasting yourself.

Noah couldn’t see you, but that didn’t stop his imagination and the groan from his throat.

“Everything okay? Can we continue?” he asked again, not sure if this wasn’t enough for you to stop for tonight.

“Yes.” you whispered.

“Is there a position you want to try?” his question surprised you.

“I don’t know.” you answered truthfully.

“What position feels the best for you?”

“I don’t know, I usually don’t reach orgasm from penetration.” you shrugged your shoulders. Noah still had the blindfold on so it was easier for you to confess.

“That’s okay, that’s normal.” he kissed your forehead, “You can tell me if you want to be on top. Or if you want me to take it off and take the lead from now. Huh?”

“Nah, you keep it on.” you ran your fingers along the fabric over his eyes.

“Looks like someone is enjoying themselves.” Noah laughed in a sincere way.

“Maybe.” you ran your finger down his nose and lips. You grabbed his chin and turned his head so you could kiss him. You sat properly on his lap without breaking the kiss.

“Can you move a bit so your back is against the headboard?” you whispered against his lips, already sure of what position you want.

Noah did what you asked him without asking any questions, his back against the headboard so he was in a more sitting position. You wanted to be on top, but also wanted to be close to him. You took your bra off and guided his hands to touch you there.

Your sudden act of confidence made him feral, he bit your lower lip and squeezed your tits.

When his thumbs found your nipples again, your head fell again in a bliss which gave him enough space to move his kisses to your neck and then to your chest.

He played with your skin, kissing, sucking and biting to get more moans from you.

When he felt your hips move, your wetness covering his dick and the silent moan of his name he told you where to find condoms in his night stand.

“Oh fuck!” Noah groaned when you slid down his dick, your mouth left open from the stretch.

Noah’s mouth immediately went for your neck while you enjoyed the feeling of being full.

When you started moving you felt Noah bite your skin. You haven’t tried much in this position so far in your intimate life, so you tried different moves.

First you were just slowly rolling your hips forwards and backwards. Noah encouraged you with his hands on your ass and “That feels so good.” in your ear every few seconds.

Then you grabbed his shoulders to stabilize yourself and moved up and down, enjoying every moan that left Noah’s throat when you bottomed him out. His head was resting on the headboard so you could watch his face every time you repeated your moves.

You enjoyed trying all the ways you can move your hips in this position, until you found a rhythm that felt the best for you. From then it was just a messy pace and hands all over each other. Your kisses went from slow and gentle to rushed and messy. Your fingers were scratching Noah’s back, leaving red scars there for sure. Meanwhile Noah licked his own fingers and slid them between your bodies to touch your clit.

Movement of his fingers became messy too the closer you got him to the second orgasm.

“Fuck, fuck, I’m gonna cum!” he said through gritted teeth, the squeeze of his hand on your ass proving his point.

The state he was in sent a wave of pleasure through your body. He was under you, with a blindfold over his eyes, mouth open and only moans slipping out. His hair was a mess and his skin was sweaty.

You were in your own bubble admiring the man under you, you didn’t even realize the warmth between your legs. Noah’s loud moan brought you back and you rode him through the aftershock of his orgasm.

His hand was still on your clit and as you felt your own climax approaching you reached for the black fabric that was covering Noah’s eyes and took it off.

Something inside you wanted him to see you when you come around his dick, with his hand on your clit and you on top of him. You wanted him to see it.

His brown soft eyes looking up at you with mouth open in shock but with admiration was what you needed to fall over the edge. Your head fell backwards, your breathing stopped for a second and you were sure you were seeing stars.

When you looked at Noah again, his smirk was all over his stupid pretty face. He didn’t have to say anything, it was all written all over his face.

You both cleaned yourselves up and changed into sleeping clothes. Noah brought you a glass of water from his kitchen and lifted his blanket for you to lay down.

You wanted to thank him, but didn’t know if it was appropriate or how to do it. Thankfully, like if he knew what was going on your mind, he spoke up first.

“It was nice seeing you come out of your shell tonight.” you hid the lower half of your face under the blanket even though he couldn’t see you anymore. The lights were turned off and you were both laying on your backs.

“Thank you.” your words were muffled by the blanket and Noah chuckled at your shyness.

He changed his position to lay on his side, the dim street lights allowing him to see only features of your face.

“You don’t have to thank me for that. Sex should be fun. I’ll wear the blindfold more often if it brings out your deepest kinks and desires.” he joked, enjoying the face you make every time he says something like this. You hid yourself completely under the blanket, but couldn’t help the laugh that was coming out of your mouth.

“Shut up.” you slapped his chest and turned to lay on your chest to face him.

“Okay, I’m done with teasing you for today.” he did as he promised.

You didn’t fall asleep straight away, Noah asked you about your first and last relationship, this time in a serious way. You asked him about not having a relationship ever.

You got to know each other a bit better that night, moving your friendship to another level.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

This story is a work of fiction, with the plot and characters entirely made up. The appearance and name of the main male character are inspired by Noah Sebastian Davis, but the storyline bears no connection to the real person. Please do not steal or repost this work on other platforms without permission.

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[manupropriaindigo]

a game dev friend of mine once had a great twitter thread (which has now been sadly deleted) about how video games are a lot closer to stage theatre than they are to movies, specificially about how the player themselves are acting in the role, how playing through multiple times allows the player to fill into the role much like how a stage performer would fill into a role in a play, how a player's tendencies to reload a save to do something the "perfect way" or with the desired panache reflects the improv that happens on the stage itself, things of that nature

i think a lot about how there really isn't a whole lot of study and literature on the topic of experiental and kinetic storytelling elements themselves; we've all heard the phrase "ludonarrative" and usually in the context of how player actions and goals don't line up cohesively with the storyline, but beyond this there's not a lot of exploration of what it means to make a player do something, and what a player ought to feel or think about, and how that lines up with the game's themes. how do you make a video game criticizing the glorification of war crimes actually hit, because it sure isnt "give the player an objective involving doing the war crime, then scold it for doing the objective you told it to do" like spec ops the line did

tangentially i think lobotomy corporation is full of game design choices that deliberately push the concepts it wants to tell and more vidcon writers should be talking about it. a lot of folks including die-hard project moon fans slept on it because its a tedious motherfucker of a game and yeah it is but it needs to be in order to accurately and adequately express the feeling of being middle management in a chaebol that extracts the vitae from monsters and sells it as a variety of products.

example: customizing your agents in lobotomy corporation costs 2 LOB points (points you get that you'd otherwise spend on improving agent stats). in basically every other game of this type, customizing your agents is completely free because who doesn't want to make their friends or enemies or OCs or whatever in the game and have them do stuff. we love our Little Guys and we pack-bond and emphasize with them real hard (see also: cannon fodder giving your little army guys different names and slightly different appearances and still making you mourn their death when the gravestones on the hell at the inter-mission recruitment screen pile up). in lobotomy corporation however its a basically untenable cost up until about halfway into the game because the game needs you to understand that your little guys individually do not matter, because they will die gruesome deaths and ultimately their demise is eclipsed by the need to meet quota and train your new batch of agents so they too can die.

your attrition rate is atrocious and its entirely your responsibility but caring about individuals just means you end up wasting time savescumming so they don't die, and of course savescumming in lobotomy corporation is far more punishing because you don't load a save, you restart the day which, as the days go by and your responsibilities grow, the cost of playing perfectly for the sake of those under your watch grows and grows until you cant afford it.

so you watch your rockstar performer get eaten by a magpie's funny red tummy blotch because his rifle's bullet accidentally nicked it while aiming at an entirely different monster and you just sigh, buy a replacement rifle and outfit for the next day, and move on because the alternative isnt making any progress at all. the game's narrative explained all of this to you about a dozen hours ago and you brushed it off as bog-standard evil corporation line-go-up speak but now youre the uncaring middle manager and it hits a little different

I made a post a little while ago about video games still being in their "stage actors doing stage acting in movies" phase, and a lot of people took that to mean that I am against cutscenes in video games. Which, fair, that's the example I used, and it's a common example of video games pretending to be movies. But that's not really what I was getting at.

Video games are a medium. More to the point: they are an incredibly broad, diverse medium. It's also a young medium. We're still figuring out what works and what doesn't. To my mind that doesn't mean "no cutscenes ever", but "what does putting a cutscene here do?"

I'm circling back around to this now because I just finished 1000xResist, a game which pound for pound is almost exclusively cutscenes. And it works. So I ask myself: would this still work as well if this were a movie? A book? A tv show? A comic book maybe? And the answer, for me, is no. The atmosphere wouldn't be the same, the pacing of the story would be off, you would lose all of the small clever ways the game takes advantage of its medium, and (maybe most importantly) I wouldn't be as personally invested in the questions the game is posing to its audience.

And this isn't the only example. Sanabi and Nine Sols both games I played recently that made me invested in their story through cutscenes. Because they're good. They dont break the flow. They're as much a part of the game as the gameplay.

I want to see more games like this; games that understand what their narrative needs and how the player experience should be paced. Regardless of whether or not that calls for a cutscene.

[anonyanonymouse]

I feel like I've been struggling to word anything more than usual lately, so bear with me, but I really hope fans can lower their expectations enough before the next update drops. We've had YEARS to build theories and ideas for how book 7 could end, and I'm just worried that everyone will go into it with a checklist of things they want to happen and be really upset when everything doesn't go like they thought it would

TWST can do a very job at throwing out what everyone expects to happen next and doing something totally different, and I'm just worried that it will actually completely ruin some people's experience if Lilia doesn't wake Silver up from a sleep curse or if we don't finally get a Silver Vanrouge line (as much as I do personally want that!!!!)

Now that we're closer to the wire and we have more context before going into the big ending for book 7, we're also getting a lot more fan theories that contradict each other and contradict old theories. The writers would never be able to fit in all these expectations at this point lol!!!

I think it will be a good ending as long as it's funny and sweet and I can take a lot of meaning and interest out of it, no matter how the writers choose to go about it. To be honest, I'm probably overthinking it lol I know it's really been a lot of fun to imagine how they're going to close out the most complicated family drama they could have ever thrown us!!!

[meadowfics]

carebear

berlin (song jung-ho) x f!younger!reader

based off of this request here for fine shyt

warnings: reader is between 20-23 and berlin is his canon age, 41. this is a care bear if you do not know what a 'carebear' is

when you first joined the team, berlin was nothing more than a distant authority figure that you've happened to come across.

he kept to himself, barked orders with that effortless charm of his, and never really acknowledged you beyond what was necessary. you didn’t mind.

he was intimidating, older, too refined in ways that made you feel like you didn’t belong in the same world as him.

then, one day, he decided to teach you how to shoot a gun when you've revealed to the group that you've never shot one.

throughout your crimes, you used your hands and your many knifes. never a gun.

“you’ll need it,” berlin had said simply, handing you the weapon with that unreadable expression of his.

“it’s better to learn from me than to get yourself killed fumbling with it.”

so, you learned and somewhere between those lessons, between his patient instructions and your stubborn determination... you got closer.

late-night talks became a thing. when the others were asleep or too distracted with their own conversations, you and berlin would find yourselves sitting together, talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

he never said too much about his past, always skimming over the details with vague answers, but you could tell.

you could tell there was something there, something dark and unspoken that lingered beneath his carefully crafted exterior.

so one night, as a joke, you handed him your stuffed animal that you brought inside of the mint with you.

it is a blue care bear you had since childhood, a gift from a family member who had long passed.

“here,” you had said, grinning, “for emotional support.”

berlin had scoffed, rolling his eyes, but he didn’t give it back right away.

instead, he held it, staring at it for a long moment before murmuring, “i never had a childhood.”

it slipped out, just like that.

suddenly, the joke wasn’t so funny anymore.

so, you left it with him.

“well, I guess it’s yours now,” you had told him, voice softer than usual, “i think you need it more than me.”

he didn’t argue.

he didn’t say anything at all, just gave you a look that you couldn’t quite place before walking away with the bear still in his hands.

a day later, the moment the care bear was spotted on berlin’s bed spot, the chaos began.

“wait, wait—what the fuck?” tokyo’s voice rang out first, eyes wide as she pointed at the small, blue bear resting on berlin’s pillow.

“is that—”

“no fucking way,” rio laughed, shaking his head in disbelief.

“that’s cairo’s bear.”

“no it can’t be,” nairobi chimed in, folding her arms.

“cairo would never give that away. it’s their first ever stuffed animal. it’s, like, sacred to them.”

moscow, ever the calm one, eyed berlin with suspicion.

“so, what, you stole it?”

denver, brows raised, looked between the bear and berlin like he couldn’t decide if this was hilarious or horrifying.

“man, cairo’s gonna kill you.”

before anyone could escalate things further, you walked in.

“what’s going on?” you asked, noticing how everyone suddenly turned to stare at you like you were holding the key to some great mystery.

nairobi wasted no time.

“cairo, did you give berlin your care bear?”

berlin, standing beside his bed, merely watched you, waiting for your reaction.

you blinked.

“yeah. why?”

silence.

tokyo was the first to break it.

“you did what?”

“why the hell would you give it to him?” denver added, “that thing was, like, your most prized possession.”

you glanced at berlin, finding him watching you closely, his expression unreadable as always, “because he needed it.”

that was all you said because to you, it was simple.

to berlin, it wasn’t.

for the first time in years, maybe in his entire life, he felt cared for in a way that had nothing to do with power or control. you had given him something that meant the world to you, not out of obligation, not out of manipulation, but because you wanted to. you saw something in him that even he struggled to see in himself.

suddenly, all those strange, unfamiliar feelings he had about you made sense.

he wasn’t just fond of you.

he was in love with you and things changed after that.

it was subtle at first. berlin was softer with you, more attentive in ways that the others barely noticed but you felt every second of the day.

he started lingering when you talked, his fingers brushing against yours when he handed you something, his voice quieter when he spoke to you.

he started looking at you differently.

eventually, in the quiet moments between the chaos inside of the mint, he kissed you.

the kiss slow, deliberate, like he had all the time in the world.

and for once, maybe he did.

the others are occupied, discussing strategy, bickering over details, but you and berlin find yourselves alone in one of the back rooms of the mint.

the dim light casts shadows over his sharp features, and there’s something unreadable in his eyes as he looks at you.

“you’re tense,” he murmurs, stepping closer.

you scoff, crossing your arms over your chest.

“of course i’m tense. we’re in the middle of one of the biggest heists, and oslo dying didn't make that feeling easier...”

“ah, but you hide it well,” he says, a faint smirk tugging at his lips.

“better than the others, at least.”

berlin's voice is lower than usual, softer. there’s something different in his posture, something deliberate about the way he closes the distance between you.

the older man's hand reaches out, tracing the back of his fingers along your jaw, barely touching, just enough to make your breath hitch.

“berlin,” you start, but the way he looks at you, as if you’re something he’s trying to memorize, steals whatever else you were going to say.

he tilts his head slightly, studying you, before murmuring, “tell me if you don’t want this.”

you don’t hesitate.

instead, you close the space between you, fingers tangling in the collar of his pink suit (that matches yours) as you pull him down to you.

berlin's lips meet yours slowly at first, testing, but the moment he feels you melt into it, his control snaps.

one hand cups the side of your face, fingers threading into your hair, while the other finds your waist, tugging you flush against him. he kisses like he does everything else...with intention, with precision, like he’s savoring every second.

you kiss him back just as fiercely, matching him beat for beat, pressing up on your toes to get closer, to feel more. berlin's hand tightens on your waist, grounding you, claiming you.

when you part for air, he doesn’t let you go, his forehead resting against yours and your nose touching his, his breath fanning across your lips.

“cairo,” he murmurs, voice rougher now, raw in a way he never lets the others hear, “you’re going to be the death of me.”

you smirk, still breathless. “good. that makes two of us.”

the way berlin looked at you, with that smirk of his... of course you leaned back in without hesitation, hands gripping the lapels of his suit as you press your lips against his again, deeper this time.

berlin meets you with the same hunger, his fingers tightening at your waist, sure to leave bruises as he is pulling you flush against him.

the kiss is slow but consuming, his lips moving against yours with practiced ease, like he’s unraveling you one touch at a time.

the large hand of his slides up your back, his fingers tracing along your spine, sending a shiver through you. the warmth of his palm settles at the nape of your neck, his thumb brushing over your jaw as he tilts your head, deepening the kiss.

he kisses like he owns you, like he’s memorizing the shape of your lips, the way you sigh softly into his mouth when he bites gently at your lower lip before soothing it with his tongue.

berlin's other hand drifts lower, gripping your hip, steadying you as he walks you back a step until your spine presses against the wall.

the shift only makes the kiss more urgent, your bodies molded together as he explores your mouth with slow, deliberate strokes of his tongue.

you feel the way his breath hitches when you slide your hands up his chest, fingers curling into the fabric of his suit, holding him there like you never want to let go.

he moves like he’s savoring the moment, like he’s taking his time, even as the tension between you coils tighter.

the way he kisses you... thorough, possessive, like he’s letting himself lose control for the first time, makes your heart pound in your chest.

berlin's lips leave yours only to ghost over your jaw, trailing soft, heated kisses along the column of your neck, before he pulls back just enough to look at you.

the man's breathing is now uneven, his pupils blown wide with something unreadable, but he doesn’t step away. instead, his forehead rests against yours, and neither of you move, caught in the heavy silence of everything.

the next day:

inside of the mint, things were intense. you finally got the see the inspector face to face, where she wanted to make sure all of the hostages were okay.

after the whole thing, berlin always made sure you were taken care of.

if there was ever a moment of downtime, he would bring you water, insist you eat, remind you to take breaks even when you insisted you were fine. berlin's way of caring was subtle, but you could feel it.

when the professor sent orders, berlin always made sure you weren’t in the line of fire from his brother, always keeping an eye on you from across the room. you never were, since you were actually a favorite of the professors.

“you did well today,” berlin came up to you, voice softer than the others ever got to hear.

“so did you,” you’d reply, watching the way his face eased when he was alone with you.

sometimes, when the nights stretched long, and the weight of the heist pressed against your shoulders, berlin would let you lean against him, his arm a steady weight around you.

“you know,” he murmured once, as you rested your head against him, “i never thought i’d meet someone like you in a place like this.”

you tilted your head up to look at him.

“what the hell does that mean?”

all he did was look air you, before turning his head away with that smile of his.

you smiled, knowing that berlin is not known for vocalizing his romantic feelings.

suddenly, you lift your head, murmuring, “oh, wait, i forgot something.”

berlin watches as you stand, stretching slightly before stepping away, disappearing into the adjoining room.

when you return, the small blue care bear is cradled in your hands, the same one you had given him days ago.

you don’t say anything, just press it against his chest before climbing onto his lap, settling against him with ease.

berlin doesn’t argue, doesn’t question it.

instead, he lets you tuck yourself into him, his arms wrapping around you as you bury your face against his shoulder, already beginning to drift.

the older man's fingers move lazily over your back, soothing, grounding, as your breathing evens out, sleep claiming you in the safety of his embrace.

he stays awake for a while, watching you, taking in the way your lashes rest against your cheek, the way your fingers are curled around the bear as if it’s second nature.

there’s something strangely soft about the whole moment, something he’s not used to...something he never thought he’d want. here you are, trusting him enough to fall asleep in his arms, giving him a piece of yourself without hesitation.

the weight of that realization settles in his chest, heavy yet welcome.

eventually, he exhales slowly, shifts slightly, and lets his eyes close, deciding, just this once, to rest inside of the mint.

masterlist

[optimusxmello]

None of my usual stims are stimming. The things that would spark joy are losing it's magic, so I'm delving a bit into the chaos imagining how Eric Kripke and Jensen Ackles getting Misha and Jared to to join The Boys is going to go.

It's really funny to me that Eric Kripke is becoming the BBC and using as many as the same actors as he can. That's just a personal lil hehehe thing for me.

Amazon is not the CW. I've watched a few seasons of The Boys and like everyone on SPN can finally say Fuck.

They HAVE the chance to put so much chaos into the world and become so infamous on the internet that it'll become a legacy that won't be forgotten in generations. Because if they let Soldier Boy fuck whatever character Misha can play and they show a lil something something...oh, it won't matter what corner of tumblr you're in, you will know ALL of 17 seasons of Supernatural if you remain logged on. Don't fight it. November 5th who?

BUT???? Will they take it?

I don't have the confidence that they would. Which will make an uproar in of itself. They could...not fix, but help heal something for a certain part of the fandom, but ignoring them completely will...cause some sort of reaction. Which I think would be fun.

The knowledge that Jensen and Jared won't probably be playing actual blood brothers in The Boys mixed with the knowledge that one of ao3's creators was a Wincest shipper...are dots that are connecting. I am chronically online and got a bit of the tism...and the dots connect. Sorry

There'll probably be a SPN gif that'll perfectly capture whatever the fuck happens.