#these “hurdles and baggage” will only make them stronger as a couple

[plutobuckley]

What if with the uncomfortable truths comes a scene where Gerrard tells Buck about how Tommy used to be

And we know from that interview it's mentioned that he would go to his support system - Eddie, Maddie and Bobby - for help to deal with this new information

But with Eddie and Maddie, they only know the kind, open Tommy and not the past closed off version of him. So they ask him how he sees Tommy, not what Gerrard painted him as, and that if he wants real answers he needs to go to the people who knew him before

So Buck goes to Bobby, he was his former captain after all, but Bobby only has nice things to say about him, because again, he knows the real Tommy

He might go to Hen and Chim who tell him, yes, Tommy was an ass but he changed because people change and that is allowed, he redeemed himself by not pushing them away and accepting they're requests to be friends (which is shown to have happend at some point, like come on, they went out to a bar together and seemed to joke around in the station during Bobby begins)

And at the end of it all, Buck goes to Tommy’s, and he is in a little depression pit after thinking he was gonna lose the person he loves because of his stupid past self, so he scurries to explain himself, his relationship with his father and how lost he was and Buck just hugs him

Because after everything, he realised that it wasn't the real Tommy back then, he was in the shadow of this puppet who just did as he was told because he was scared. None of it was his fault, Gerrard is to blame for it all

[durtystars]

response to @aciuaciu

Oh, so before Ross meets Demelza. Sorry I thought it was after. Interesting interpretations of tarot.

As a tarot fan myself, card readings, just like life, are forever changing and open to interpretation as things change and choices are made. What you see in episode one , season one (1783) is no longer applicable years later after Liz choses to marry Francis, and Ross meets Demelza. Would Ross and Liz be a perfect couple? I guess we’ll never know.

Because they both made choices. Aunt Agatha’s cards represent a current situation., situation which changes once both Liz and Ross make their choices (Liz to marry Francis and Ross to not fight for her). Because yes, love is a choice. It involves hard work and sacrifice . And as Ross comments later on, to Dwight and Caroline: ‘’when two people love each other, the obstacles which keep them apart, must be substantial either wise they lack the courage of their conviction’’

Which is exactly what happened to him and Liz. Ross and Liz’s whatever ship falls apart at the first hurdle.. As Liz confesses later she did not believe Ross was dead she thought she loved Francis better. Nothing is written, we make our own lives and destinies and this is exactly what the story is about. The Four of Cups is a lesson in figuring out what we really want. In matters of love and relationships, the Four of Cups indicates a tendency to dwell on past mistakes

The Four of Cups is a lesson in figuring out what we really want. In matters of love and relationships, the Four of Cups indicates a tendency to dwell on past mistakes or disappointments. It is important to let go of past baggage and open yourself up to new possibilities. Which is exactly what Ross does after his dissapointemnt with Liz in finding a new, better, stronger, deeper love. The kind of love that does not just fall apart at the first test.

The Devil tarot card suggests feelings of obsession, addiction, and entrapment. It can signify a sense of helplessness due to external forces or circumstances. However, it reminds you that you're responsible for your actions. Liz’s choice to marry Francis, while it did hugely negatively impact Ross, it also left him with other possibilities: to make a new life, to build something new. Which he does with Demelza.

The Wheel of Fortune tarot card is a symbol of life cycles, turning points, and luck in different aspects of life. Its central theme is the exciting opportunity for cyclical change, reminding us that life is constantly evolving and we should embrace new opportunities and possibilities with enthusiasm. Which is exactly what Ross does, once he decides to move on from Liz, finds Demelza, falls in love with her and builds a life with her.

When Aunt Agatha says : the dark or the fair, she is talking about a choice Liz has made and the consequences of that choice on her own life but also on the life of others (Francis and Ross). Her marrying Francis, takes Ross on another road, which is initially filled with depression and heartbreak, but later turns out to be the best one for him as he gets to meet and marry the love of his life.

As for Drake and Morweena. - no, they are not the same as Ross and Liz. Morweena was literally pressured and pimped out to marry someone else. Drake and Morweena’s love endured through years of loneliness and abuse. If anything, makes the ‘’love’’ between Ross and Liz seem even more fragile. And that is what the author was also going for.

The parallel not only between Drake & Morweena, but also Verity & Blamely; Dwight & Caroline and what true, real , strong, never-ending love looks like vs the flakey, brittle feelings between Ross & Liz, a woman who, as the author notes (in the series is voiced through Demelza) couldn’t make up her mind.

LONG RESPONSE DON'T READ IF YOU DONT' CARE ENOUGH

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no personal disrespect to you but i've heard this all before. it's one thing to acknowledge canon but it's another to think or believe it's a 10/10 or 1/10. opinions are still up for grabs no matter what. whether agatha read the cards before or after is essentially irrelevant (as you are a reader and know it means Fate itself, as i said before in my post i'm a christian so i don't believe in it but i follow it for storyline's sake) for two reasons, which is that the cards aren't for romance only, they are set aside for characters in their individual parts, and the show only bothered to show 4, and none of them are the claimed love of ross' life. the show is in control here and could have easily had her have one and yet they didn't. very strange thing there. and secondly, from a logical showrunner POV, there would be absolutely no point in giving ross and liz perfectly matching cards by themselves, and then going out of its way to give them an additional shared card, not in the very beginning of the series but also confirming it in the S4 finale when there was zero need to and was most likely forgotten by most if not all the audience if it all meant nothing in a blink. that just makes zero sense and if the same was with ross and mella i would say the same thing. yes you explained some of the cards, but still the lovers card remains, which is also shared with another couple in the series. it also doesn't help that in addition, the poldark curse was stated to be a real thing, which is said among other things, if a poldark love someone their affection isn't easy to erase. if ross never loved liz, then nothing would have been hard to get rid of.

it has been claimed all the time that ross and liz couldn't survive a relationship and crumbled under pressure, which absolutely bewilders me. sorry but if the show wanted to show that, it failed miserably. when exactly did that happen? because i saw a couple separated by war for 3 years and continued to love each other (obstacle one), married different people and had different families (obstacle two), lost their childhood friend (obstacle three) and had to raise his son together (obstacle four) while having to work at a dying mine (obstacle five) and every single time they came out on top. even if you were to say oh they never loved each other ross and liz still took care of the mine and raised geoffery charles perfectly fine. if their love/relationship/whatever you want to call it was so fragile, why didn't it fall apart then?

regarding love and sacrifice, ross sacrificed his entire last of his bank account for liz and GC when he saw how hard they were struggling in poverty, and liz refused any gifts and "kindness" from george (because everything he gives is always attached to a string) directed to herself until he improved ross' life. moreover, it was ross who lost a child, and yet it made his relationship with liz stronger, said by aidan himself. ross had so much on his plate during that time and he would have lost it if liz wasn't his anchor. to quote aidan liz "Is someone he [Ross] understands" so again, where this setup for how terrible they would be as a couple? the perfectly matched king and empress cards are not just cards, ross and liz prove it right by overcoming every obstacle. and no, it wasn't with ease. they were devastated when francis died as they loved him deeply. working in a bankrupted mine with an indebted estate is also not easy, and yet they survived that as well.

in the BTS the cast talks about ross' disillusionment of his previous life being taken away from him in the war. he saw the world for what it really was which is a possible reason why he hated balls when he came back. this man experienced the careless brutality of war and saw reality for what it is. if he were to suddenly see how not in love with liz he was, that would have been the ultimate decider. he wouldn't have had any time to deal with any more falsities. so for the final time, what obstacles did they face that they failed? because ross had mella all to himself in S3, the one the story tries so hard to convince us is the superior girl, and she ended up cheating on him. THAT'S certainly a failed obstacle, and yet it gets no traction at all compared to the alleged failures of ross and liz.

i will stand on business and say that drakenna is rossliz 2.0 for sure. liz was just as pimped out and pressured just as was morwenna as proven by liz' own gold digging mother, morwenna continues loving a man of nampara, her husband is killed, she is literally a chynowyth woman and now you have told me they even have one of the same cards as ross and liz. maybe it was not the intention but it's too alike to not say it's not a rossliz rewrite. and i brought it up before, but again, the lovers card exists. so is the lovers card legitimate or not? because it's also used in drakenna's predicament as you claim (i'm going by that because i don't remember it). so if ross and liz' love wasn't real, then drake and morwenna's is not real either since they both have the same card? what's your take on this? especially since one of the main reasons why ross is hated so much is because romelza fans themselves still complain he doesn't pay enough attention to his wife and is still hung up over liz. so which is it? he's bad husband because he doesn't pay enough attention to his wife or he's a good one that even the fans complain about for some reason? it's too much swapping, double standards and schizophrenic writing for me to ever take RM seriously.

i don't think anyone has exactly grasped how INSANE it is that ross and elizabeth have a dedicated tarot card just for them called THE LOVERS. HELLOOOOOOOOOOO

[mysteriouslyzealouspandalov-blog]

How to save your relationship before it falls apart, according to a dating coach

New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/how-to-save-your-relationship-before-it-falls-apart-according-to-a-dating-coach/

How to save your relationship before it falls apart, according to a dating coach

You know the honeymoon phase is long gone if you find yourself googling the best ways to patch up a relationship.

Whether you’re struggling with long-distance, stuck in a constant loop of fighting, or spiraling from past resentments, relationships can fall apart for a million different reasons. While it’s important to recognize the signs of a bad relationship and know when it should end, sometimes you and your partner just need some extra TLC (read: better communication) to keep it together.

According to Michael Rosenfeld, a sociologist at Stanford, about 70 percent of heterosexual unmarried couples break up within the first year. That number is even higher for same-sex couples. Rosenfeld tracked about 3,000 people since 2009 to figure out what the fate of relationships over time and found the breakup rate steeply decreases after couples meet their one-year anniversary. Rosenfeld notes in a 2014 study that the longer a couple stays together, the more hurdles they face, creating a stronger bond.

If you’re facing the realization your relationship needs more than a few “I’m sorry”s (which can only work for so long until you sound like a broken record), there are a few more practical things you can do to keep your bond strong. We spoke with a dating coach about how to best resolve long-term conflicts and rekindle the feelings you felt the moment you met. Here’s what you should know about how to save your relationship.

How to save your relationship

1) Think about what the relationship needs

Identifying patterns of discord and what you both feel is lacking are great first steps to working on a failing relationship. Think about what you and your partner can do to better understand each other and meet in the middle—also, make sure you both are on the same page about wanting to make this work.

According to Elizabeth Golembiewski, a professional dating coach based in Austin, Texas, it’s imperative to take a moment to reflect with your partner. Talk about the first times when you started to feel like your needs weren’t being met. Set intentional goals like being mindful, letting go of a past grudge, remembering to send that “good morning” text, or FaceTiming more often if you’re in a long-distance relationship.

“The first step couples can take is knowing that if both of them are willing to work on their relationship, there are ways to save it,” Golembiewski told the Daily Dot. “Understand that no relationship is perfect. Every couple goes through the wonderful romance stage then the hard work stage.”

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2) Work on communication

Bad communication is one of the primary factors in a failed relationship. If conversations quickly turn into arguments or you feel as if you and your partner can’t get your point across respectfully, try shifting your style of communication to a place of listening and understanding. Oftentimes, according to Golembiewski, it’s all about framing.

“When you come from an ‘I feel like’ point of view rather than a ‘you make me feel like’ point of view, it makes communicating easier,” Golembiewski told the Daily Dot. “It’s called ‘reflective listening,’ where you take responsibility for yourself and don’t blame the other person.”

When communicating with your partner about what you’ve been thinking or feeling, try not to put all the blame on them—especially if the relationship is on the rocks. Reflective listening shifts the focus to how a situation makes you feel, instead of putting the weight of the relationship on your partner.

It’s also important to be specific about behaviors and situations that bother you. For instance, saying, “You always make me feel like I’m not important,” sends a message filled with blame, whereas “I feel like I’m not important to you when you don’t call me back” sends a message that could lead to productive conversation.

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3) Loosen up

We (humans) are pretty selfish by nature. Naturally, relationships can be difficult to manage when you have to go out of your way to concern yourself with the happiness and well-being of another person rather than just your own.

Golembiewski suggests letting go of any control you’re trying to hold on to and being open to making some sacrifices. This isn’t to say you should just let your partner run hog-wild into the night if that’s not what you want. Meeting in the middle is important, especially when it comes to spending quality time together or making sacrifices in your independent life. A sacrifice could be as simple as going to that local baseball game you loathe because it matters to your partner. They should do the same for you.

“At a deeper level, couples need to understand what the expectations are in the relationship,” said Golembiewski. “A lot of people expect that if they aren’t wildly passionate or agreeing with everything, then there’s something wrong, but not necessarily.”

Relationships are bound to go through tough times, Golembiewski says, because they aren’t stagnant. If your relationship sat as still as an abandoned pool of water, you’d probably run the other way before you felt excited about diving in.

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4) Be honest with yourself and your partner

Relationships are made up of people who are growing and changing each day—whether that’s together or apart is sometimes hard to admit to.

If you feel like a lull in the relationship is the result of things left unsaid, be honest with yourself and ask the difficult questions. Answers to questions about the future or marriage aspirations can be relationship dealbreakers. It might be important to discuss these topics sooner rather than later.

In the end, own your feelings, your desires, and, well, some of your baggage.

“Blaming things on your partner is not the way to fix or solve a relationship,” Golembiewski told the Daily Dot. “It all starts with coming back and looking at your own issues.”

According to Golembiewski (and various psychological studies), past conflicts could be causing issues in your relationship. Whether it’s your parents’ divorce or a previous relationship that left you scarred, it’s worth it to assess your past and how it may have stained your views of relationships. Talk things out with yourself, your partner, and possibly a therapist so you can heal and move on.

If you believe you need to seek some third-party help, consider visiting a couples therapist or dating coach. Having a mediated space where you both feel comfortable laying your feelings out on the table can begin a healing process.

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READ MORE:

How to know if you’re a victim of ‘gaslighting’

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5) Rekindle the flame

Do you remember the first time you made eye contact with your partner in a crowd? Or the strange moment you realized you loved this person while eating Chinese takeout on your living room floor? It’s cheesy, but Golembiewski says it’s important to hold on to those memories and channel that feeling.

“Sometimes we get into a relationship and we forget that our partner needs to be appreciated,” Golembiewski told the Daily Dot. “If you can show appreciation, attention, and affection, those are three big ways to rekindle a relationship.”

Go to a show! Get a couples massage! Have sex! There are so many ways couples can show affection through little gestures like cooking dinner one night or sending them a gooey pizookie. Light the match and keep the flame burning—you’ll be glad you did.

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Editor’s note: This article is regularly updated for relevance.

Read more: http://www.dailydot.com/