#theres the whole thing with her not being allowed to date or anything

[angy-grrr]

I don't even care if Iz/och becomes canon just PLEASE do not make Ochako a house wife i'm begging on my knees not even her va likes it

I love her VA so much, she just gets it -Ochako is a HERO, not a heroine that lives for her children even before they exist.

In one hand, I agree that we need more characters who are both moms and badass, with their own lives and adventures while being part of their kids lives -but I dont think Ochako should fulfill this role at all. Trad shonen already does this thing of associating girls and women exclusively with love and motherhood; they fight, live and die because of these things -to save the hero, the make the hero happy, to motivate the hero, to even birth him, to make him a complete man-, almost exclusively.

I would very much prefer Ochako to look like she is like that, like her whole character focuses on loving Izuku, but actually has her own ideals and character that do differ from him, and even better -could even scare him away. This is why I love weirdo Ochako so much, she is aware of how her actual 100% honest self would make her be rejected by others including him, because she, herself, would be dangerous by them misunderstandings, just like they did with Himiko.

She chooses to not hurt others and to not see her quirk as a tool for violence because society allows her to view it that way. Because she looks normal. If they didnt? If she was more honest? Probably would end in a completely different way.

Tbh, the heroine as a character, In my point of view, is made to show the audience how much of a man the hero became -he is at the end of the series an adult, in terms of spirit many times, and as such needs to be interested romantically in a woman, and have a relationship. Kids have crushes, from afar -men and women are in love, and dating. Trad shonen do have many times a passing rite for manhood theme, and she works to end it -shes not important as a person, just so we can understand he is, truly, a mature adult.

I believe this epilogue doesnt end with Izuku becoming a man -or any of them really. They are back at school, growing and more mature than before, and they arent done with anything, and besides this, her character doesn't benefit from it, so im definitely not expecting her to become a mother by the end of it all.

Theres only a part of my heart that still feels it can happen and with anxiety waits for an answer, because BNHA is a shonen, and shonen isnt kind to women.

[monstersandgirls-webcomic]

So lili has made some accommodations for Serah (the whole monogamous marriage thing) but has Serah done anything like that in reverse or are heavenly rules not flexible enough to really allow that?

No, but it’s something she’s been trying to work on (as seen in “Kiss for a Succubus”), she feels that sense of guilt that Lili has gone out of her way to make personal sacrifices for Sera’s happiness, and while Sera loves making little gestures of affection like taking lili on dates, cooking for her, etc, theres nothing I can say she’s “accommodated” for Lili.

Honestly the closest is just that she’s embraced being a social pariah if it means being open and happy with her wife.

[camryntheking]

Ok! My thoughts on 7x05!

First, i just wanna say that the whole Hen and Karen storyline is awesome! I love that the show is giving queer people so much screen time, especially a Black lesbian couple! And i think its super sweet that they really want to try for Mara! I hope it works out!

Next, i think that has been my favorite cold open so far. The “ITS MEEE” gets me every time (i have already watched it loads of times). I dont have much to comment on it other than it was funny as fuck

Ok. The date scene. I was hoping to see more of Eddie watching them (especially after the stills), but oh well. The second-hand embarrassment i got was… a lot. But i dont think its necessarily a bad thing. It showed how out of his comfort zone Buck was and how he was trying to navigate a terrifying situation. And Tommy? I might have to retract my earlier retraction. Cos wtf?? Literally had just finished talking about how its hard to accept yourself in a “macho” field, then makes a dig at Buck when he fumbles? Not cool. Then not communicating what was happening until he was getting in the Uber? You dont just abandon someone at a restaurant like that. I understand the “you’re not ready” thing, but that was a dick move.

Also, Buck, baby. Sweetheart. Darling. “I look at hot guys’ asses.” Sweetie. Like Maddie said. You are more than an ally lmao. I also just love how Maddie showed interest in getting to know who Buck was talking about and treating the convo after like a normal convo. Because it is! And i love it! But she also emphasized talking to Eddie, because she knew that Eddie would not react poorly. I feel like that just shows how everyone knows how close Buck and Eddie are. TLDR, Maddie is an awesome sister and Buck is lucky to have her ❤️

Next point, the scene where Buck and Tommy talk over coffee. I do think that the hand holding at the end is very sweet and shows how Buck is really trying to be more open, but Tommy is just really starting to rub me the wrong way. Pretty much everything he said contradicts what happened in the date scene. I feel like him being at the wedding is really gonna spark some Jealous Eddie, tho, so i am excited to see that lmao

And Eddie and Marisol? I feel like the show is going in a direction that leads them to breaking up. Like yes, it is showing growth for Eddie and allowed him to acknowledge that he has Catholic guilt, but theres just. No chemistry. It feels awkward. I feel like her being an ex-nun is gonna bring up some issues with Buck and Eddie will not stand for that. I also wanted to point out that i got even more vibes that Eddie could be demisexual, cos he didnt straight up say that he loved Shannon, just that he loved being married to her. And he knows that he is moving too fast and needs to step back a bit

Finally, Buck coming out to Eddie. I do find it funny that Eddie seemed more shocked that Tommy wasnt straight than figuring out Buck isnt straight. But its awesome that Eddie showed interest and genuinely wanted to help Buck through the issue. And the hug? Finally! Give me men not being afraid to hug each other! I feel like this is allowing Buck and Eddie to become even closer (i do hope for Buddie eventually)

Overall, i feel like this episode was great for setting up the development of Buck and Eddie’s relationship (whether it ends up being platonic or romantic). And i am all for Buck exploring his sexuality with someone that isnt Eddie. While Tommy isnt my favorite right now, i do think that he is great for the progression of Buck’s story. I do hope to see more of Dad!Bobby in the coming episodes and how Buck’s parents might react to Tommy. I dont wanna wait three weeks for the next episode 😢. Im ready for the chaos of the Madney wedding

If i think of anything else ill add on, but i think thats all i have for now. Feel free to share your thoughts!

[dieabadass]

When you find out your husband and the disgusting ogre he cheated on you with tried stealing your identity and thats the reason I couldn’t get health insurance this whole time and had to pay thousands of dollars out of pocket for my life saving medication I take everyday and got the bill from her hospital stay last year…. It’s a good thing she’s fucking dead cuz id kill her if she was still living.

I found myself apologizing to this female , trying to do anything I could to get my husband back and said sorry for acting out as any wife / girlfriend / husband / boyfriend or partner would in this situation. Yet somehow she victimized herself, made it as if she was the one who was in the right, tried to fill my shoes LITERALLY. She stole my dog my husband got for me for my birthday, harassed my family with texts upon texts of threats against my life and put me down for having a medical condition saying : she and my husband couldn’t wait for the phone call we’re my mom ( who was battling stage 3b colon cancer at the time ) to call them with the news that I finally died & rid the world of me and the burden I put on everyone with my type 1 diabetes and level of care I need and that everyone could finally move on with their lives especially the two of them without me here.

She convinced my husband that I somehow hacked into her phone and sent myself all these messages and that she was the innocent one in all of this…. Seriously flattering & wish I could have thought of that one first but the amount of work and effort to actually hack into someone’s phone was impossible for even me to do… I even had receipts and proof after proof of shit printed from my account to show the time stamps were the texts were sent from and everything it still didn’t matter. It got to the point were I was lower then I’ve ever been before, dealing with my own mental health, sobriety and from all the years of never really taking care of myself the abuse on my own body was catching up to me and had to face some serious medical stuff no one should have to face alone , ESPECIALLY without the person they needed most. Funny looking back at all this now and all this happening October 2022 and her laughing at the thought of me possibly dying and the last thing I ever said to her was to watch her mouth and words because one day she might choke on those very words and shed pay for her own karma and a year later to the date October 2023 she drops dead like a fly from a blood clot in her lungs literally choking on her own words….. huh funny…..right?

So yeah

THANK THE UNIVERSE AND THE GODS FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED BECAUSE IN THE END I FOUND MYSELF AGAIN, AND I MAY BE FAR FROM PERFECT BUT I WILL NEVER EVER BE ANYTHING LIKE THAT HORRID GIRL. MY HEART AND WHATS LEFT OF IT WOULD NEVER ALLOW ME TO BEYRAY PEOPLE AS SHE DID OR ACT IN MALICE AS SHES DONE TO SO MANY PEOPLE. THE GOOD PART OF ME FORGIVES HER AND FEELS SAD FOR HER BUT THE BETTER HALF OF ME REMINDS ME THAT IF IT WAS SWITCHED AROUND AND SHE COULD HAVE IT HER WAY SHE WOULDNT SHOW ME ANY MERCY, AND TO FEEL BAD OR SAD ABOUT IT FOR NO MORE THEN A FEW SECONDS AND THEN BE REMINDED THAT EVEN THROUGH THE WORST TIMES THERES ALWAYS A REASON AND LESSON AND BEAUTIFUL MEANING BEHIND EVERYTHING EVEN IN THE UGLIEST PEOPLE OR THINGS

So again :

THANK YOU KARMA FOR TAKING CARE OF THAT AWFUL HUMAN BEING AND MAY SHE ROT BENEATH THE GROUND WITH THE WORMS FOR ALL ETERNITY FOR NO ONE TO EVER SEE OR HEAR FROM AGAIN EVEN IN THE INFINITE LIVES AFTER THIS AND MAY MY SOON TO BE EX HUSBAND BE REMINDED EVERYDAY THAT IM HIS KARMA HE WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH AND HASNT EVEN SEEN ME DO MY WORST

Amen

Blessed be

Thank you GODESS NYX

Hekate

The gods

And the universe

Always having my back

And showing me there’s

Always light in a world full

Of darkness

🤍

LADIES & GENTLEMAN,HE/SHE/THEM AND ALL BEAUTIFUL PRONOUNS A-LIKE LISTEN UP :

KARMA IS REAL

KARMA IS JUST

KARMA IS BEAUTIFULLY FORGIVING AND EQUALLY UNFORGIVING

KARMA WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU AND EVERYTHING OR ANYTHING IN YOUR WORLD

IF YOUR KARMA IS GOOD, EVEN IF YOUVE MADE MISTAKES , WITH BALANCE AND PUTTING GOOD ENERGY AND LOVE BACK INTO YOUR LIFE

KARMA WILL TAKE OUT THE TRASH AND ALWAYS HAVE YOUR BACK.

i know this now forever and always more than anything

All I had to do was believe in my higher power/dietys & gods and put it all in their hands and let karma and the universe do the rest without even waving my powerful little pinky 🤙🏻

I’d tell you to ask my enemies

BUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT…….

😎��👻💀😵👻👹restinpiss💀😈👹😵 🪦🪦🪦 🔥

What and who was I talking about Again? Oh ya that’s right! See? Out of sight out of mind forever dealing with karma somewhere terrible and ugly and unforgiving serving out their karma for infinity ♾️

Amen

[namethatghostling]

Give me your strong opinions/headcanons on Harley Quinn❤️🖤

Transgender

had a pretty intense and genuinely embarrassing truecrime girly phase through like her late teens/college. probably would have started a podcast if shed had the ability at the time.

i think that and her desire to pursue a career in psychiatry/work at arkham sorta stem from this same root interest in like understanding why certain people commit violent crimes which was well-intended but ultimately came from a kind of ableist place. like she always sympathized really heavily with the people in her care but also like subconsciously saw a lot of them as these poor lost little lambs that needed her help rather than full complex human beings and thats what kinda fucked her in the end.

generally an empathetic person. tends to take on other peoples burdens. sometimes to an unhealthy degree.

i think her and bruce actually have a lot in common in that regard and when theyre not actively at odds they vibe p well for that and other reasons. also shes just the sort of person whos rly easy to get along with. she may one of if not the only rogue who none of the others rly has any lasting beef with.

bi and poly (this is basically canon anyway). i feel like some ppl tend to act as if shes only ever dated the joker and pamela but i def think shes been in and out of a lot of relationships over the years, some better than others.

she has a bad habit of 1) finding kinda messed up power dynamics a lil sexy and 2) harboring some serious "i can fix them" energy when it comes to her more obviously misguided crushes. she likes the security of a partner who she feels like will take care of her but who still relies on her emotionally and unfortunately some people use that to take advantage.

i dont know if she would necessarily consciously identify as a Femme but like. she soo is.

this is like more related to my specific dyke scarecrow au than anything canon but i see them as old exes. in true dyke fashion, they have stayed good friends in spite of the breakup. take this one or leave it but either way i like the two of them as besties soo much.

has always struggled with this impulse towards violence especially when shes feeling restless or manic. (i say struggled but shes probably having a blast with it now) i think in the past she was very self conscious about this (especially when she was newly out and trying very hard to be perceived as feminine) and tried very hard to present herself as someone self contained and in control. for better or for worse, shes much happier when shes allowed to be a force of chaos.

lowkey had a weeb phase. still very much loves j-fashion and magical girl anime. plays some video games but largely prefers the feel of a big clunky cabinet arcade game over a home console. its the buttons, the lights, the ability to loudly and dramatically tip the whole thing over if youre mad enough about losing. has watched mlp. fav is pinkie pie. obviously.

there is an aspect of her like hyper girly almost childish persona which is kind of a performance. like. it is her to a degree, but its also kind of a coping mechanism. almost like a form of drag, shes leaning into the stereotype to get a rise out of people or to protect herself. sometimes both at once. the few people who really know her well enough will start to notice little tells to differentiate when shes really feeling the vibe and when shes deliberately putting on a show.

has definitely given herself a shit haircut/dye job while in a depression spiral.

generally its just like. she feels so so so so so much all the time like oh my god make it stop for two seconds.

theres probs more but this is what i feel certain of in this moment ✌️

[aedificloudio]

JUST REALISED IM LIKE 66% OF THE MAFUAKI TAG????? AND NO ONES POSTED CRAZY INSANE BRAINROT HERE??? IM ALONE??? WHAT THE FUCK MAN

ok whatever i’ll i i here’s more insanity under the cut

this is genuinely just brainrot, headcanons, and random character analysis abt mafuaki and their dynamic

mafuyu is aromantic in my brain 🫶 so her dating him is genuinely just her fucking around bc shes bored and wants to feel something

also mafuyu is good at everything too so its double hitting the complex

hes never gonna be good enough

LIKE mafuyu's whole thing is being the perfect daughter who is good at everything despite not giving a shit about any of it, so she finds it really funny that akito has self esteem issues and is constantly comparing his abilities to other people

shes probably like

wow. this is smth i really dont experience

and ig she also compares it to ena's behaviour and shes defs like "oh yeah they sure as fuck are related'

coz the shinonomes are teeming with jealousy and inferiority because they can never live up to the standard they want

ena has complicated feelings about art because all her life she's being told she'll never make it

and akito knows hes nowhere near as good as the rest of vbs and he tries to hide it behind a tough guy persona

its so gap moe...

MAFUYU drags him to her room one day and keeps him in a fucking garbage bag/bodybag duct taped and cuffed and hes like freaking out bc even tho he did consent to this (he wanted to see her room) the fact she WENT THROUGH w this at all w/o a hint of remorse is downright terrifying

also when he looks around her room and how barren it is hes like 😟

"ohhh im so fucked why am i here"

he also accidentally finds out mafuyu composes music and its better than anything hes ever written to the point he fucking cries LOL

i would assume like

their rls is super casual coz theyre both busy

but they make time to see each other because a) akito gets to flex he has a girlfriend b) mafuyu finds him decently entertaining to which she's surprised about c) its a win-win

AND IDK its just super entertaining to me

thinking abt a shitty crack beach episode 25ji and vbs crossover.....

mafuyu in a swimsuit 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

mizuki in a sun dress or some shit and refusing to go in the water

kanade fucking dies.png

ena is there for her socmed

kohane and an in couple drip and they fucking slay

toya is barely allowed to go and hes in some expensive swimsuit and kinda pathetic. like. hes all "wow this is my first time!"

akito thinks ena is so embarassing rn but Holy Shit Mafuyu Has D Cups

hes so repressed abt being gay he tricks himself into liking boobs. or maybe hes bi idk

teenage boy crisis of "NO i cant like men i love boobs ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️"

(guy who dreams about making out with toya)

also i just think its funny that toya is completely oblivious in this au until either halfway or the end bc hes fr just

"yayy i have friends!!"

😭😭😭

akito is scared shitless of mafuyu tho bc  he's begun to notice her smiles don't reach her eyes

and any friend of ena's has hella issues

i don't think mafuyu ever really opens up to him about her mental issues but akito isnt completely dumb, he can kinda sense that theres smth wrong w her, especially like. the fact she has an empty aquarium in her room is fucking FREAKY

also the way he has to be snuck in there is just 💀 ermm rip girlie

mafuyu's parents knock on her door and she throws him out the window

i’m so normal abt them

[therapy-ghost]

Hi, thanks for wanting to do the pair-up exchange. Can I have the fandoms DC, Marvel and the Walking Dead?

𝑭𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒔: I'm about 5'5, pale skin, blue/grey eyes, blonde around my face and brown then black at the ends of my hair. I have many many piercings, and I'm covered in tattoos. I'm curvy/plus size and am body positive.

𝑯𝒐𝒃𝒃𝒊𝒆𝒔: Reading, writing, collecting rings, journaling, tarot. I'm also collecting as many books as I can because I want to have my own library where people can take whichever book they wish.

𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚: INFJ, Chaotic Good, Gryffindor, Aquarius Sun, Capricorn Moon, Aries Rising, Pisces Venus (this last one might help with the match especially). I'm a passionate person and have strong opinions. I will always stand up for what I believe in, no matter how scared I feel. I think I'm quite witty and intelligent, although I do get overwhelmed quite easily. I'm incredibly open-minded and progressive. I love to laugh and make others laugh too. I'm sensitive, and intuitive and can pick up on other people very easily. I have strong gut-feelings and kinda ... understand a person's vibe? Like I can sense someone's aura but not see their colour.

𝑨𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄: I love cottagecore, I'm very witchy but also a little grunge and gothic at the same time.

𝑳𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒔: Learning - especially witchcraft, watching tv, day-dreaming, listening and discovering new music, I love being at home, writing and then taking a reading break. I adore baths and constantly buy items from Lush.

𝑫𝒊𝒔𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒔: (other than the usual injustices of sexism, racism, and homophobia), I strongly dislike spiders and will scream whenever I see one. I don't like close-minded people, or those who make fun of others. I hate passive-aggressiveness, large crowds and loud sudden noises.

𝑳𝒊𝒍 𝒇𝒖𝒏 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒆:

・Have shaved my head. Asked my stepdad for his clippers and went into the bathroom and ...hacked at my hair. It was very liberating, I think every woman should do it at least once in her lifetime

・I adore animals - I have a cat and dog! I want more but my cat is too much of a princess and won't allow any other animal in the house

・Bought a tattoo gun from the internet and I tattoo myself. I do the majority of my own piercings as well. I like to learn how to do things like that. I've kinda learned how to do hair and do mine, my mum's and my nunna's.

Hello and thank you for doing this match up exchange with me!

For Dc I match you up with: Starfire

To be clear; this is the 'im a dumb teen girl' teen titans go starfire; this is the gorgeos, smart, strong goddess star fire from like teen titans vs the justice league.

at this point she knows alot about earth, but theres still alot she would like to know; so that could be a fun activity for you two.

you remind her of raven in a way with the witch craft.

I feel like she would also love lush(I love it two) And she would find either the snow fairy or happy hippie the best smelling(my personal headcanon)

would not like to idea of a tattoo but would love for you to give her a simple piercing.

and will love you to do something simple to her hair; nothing to crazy.

Cottage core matching outfits.

for Marvel(MCU) I match you with: Bucky barnes

he is with the tattoos

after the whole winter soldier thing, he needs someone to be there for him and you seem good

he will help you with spiders to be honest; but it will be a fight.

the grunge and the cottage core witch is a cool aesthetic to see in couples in my opinion.

he is a bit passive agreesive but will only do it when youre not around.

also hates crowds so indoor dates is nice.

I see a dog as a pet; he is an animal person and dogs are nice companies to have around to free your mind from anything and everything for most people.

and For the walking dead, I give you: Beth Greene(durring the prison)

She is a true Pisces to be honest so it was destined.

she would love your style but would also be a bit confused with it.

Maggie would also adore you and is happy for her sister.

she would like you to cut her hair and put it up for her; she likes the way you do it.

when the virus starts; you and her would be the ones with judith.

she would honestly enjoy tarrot cardss during this time cause if its a good reading then this will make her more hopeful forr the future.

she is also a very passionate person so standing by each other in opinions is common.

thanks for being patient, i hope you enjoyed

[lettucing]

ughhjgf pissed off ranting under the cut bc i gotta get this shit OUT. feel free to read if you wanna read some shit on my friend group LOL

listen. i love my friends. they're my favorite people on the whole planet and i love them to death, HOWEVER. my friend group consists of:

couple 1, one of which is my best friend but her gf is like? weirdly protective over her and kinda attitude-y to me? she wasn't always like that (they've been together for two years + she was part of the friend group before they started dating) but it's been worse recently??

couple 2, pretty much constantly mad at each other (if they ever actually show up to hang out anymore)

straight guy that i adore (friend) (has a gf but she's not part of our friend group) but he's closer to my best friend than he is to me so theres kind of a disconnect

friend thats away at college

and me :|

now i can't tell if it's because i'm. not in the best place mentally. or if they're all acting weirder than normal or what but all of them (save for my best friend) have been irritating me and not treating me the best and its so????? gross feeling??? like my best friends gf (who, dont get me wrong, i am very close friends with and love her very much) just texted me and told me that i make her feel like "less of a gf" to my best friend bc i tell them not to be super pda affectionate around me and she feels like she has to 'compete with me' for attention from her?? and i know i make jokes abt being in love with my best friend/her gf but i feel like my friend should know by now that they're jokes AND my best friend/her gf very clearly knows they're jokes and also she's my best friend ??? i dont know. i mean. she's allowed to feel how she feels and im not gonna sit here and invalidate her, and i want to respond and apologize because i do genuinely feel bad for making her feel that way! i just dont know how to apologize without making it sound like she's not doing anything wrong by being mean to me over it. also being the only one in a friend group of 7 thats NOT in a relationship feels like SHIT dawg. im choosing to be single rn to kinda just chill out and do my own thing since i just got out of a relationship like a month ago but it still kinda. feels like a punch to the gut. idk im probs in the wrong here but for now i am too mentally exhausted to put my whole pussy into fixing it sorry

im just so over it im gonna fall off the face of the earth irl social wise and move to the other side of the world and they're never gonna hear from me ever again!!!!!!!!!!!

[lakesbian]

and wildbow definitely doesn't even think sy is being transphobic. so it's effectively just the thing with lillian. wildbow just is not cut out for in depth thoughtful world building wrt LGBT people.

ive been thinking idly about this recently (alongside many other things about jessie) due to my current twigfic writing fixation (wretched fixation to have but im having fun) and if anyone wants to hear my rambles about how id handle it. well i have a lot

i think it would be plausible for the general mainstream mindset within academy circles to be part "the power of Advanced Science can even transmute men into women and women into men, sex is dead" & part reminiscent of medicalized/academic transphobia. like, it being viewed by many as kind of a niche mental condition--theres no respect for any "natural order" that deems sex or gender to be innate, so 'treatment' in the form of complete physical and social transition isn't unheard of, and the first notable people of higher status to undergo it probably got a bit of special treatment as a scientific novelty. but there's ultimately still social downsides in having [insert twig term for 'gender dysphoria disorder' here], esp for trans women because of the whole social dynamics there. so the ultimate goal for people in academic spheres who have the means is to transition efficiently/nonpublicly and then pass as cis as soon as humanly possible.

which like. in terms of how that impacts jessie i think lillians response to her comes from viewing jessie (and jamie 1) as a Good Boy in contrast to sy being sy, and viewed jessies kind treatment of her & general nonthreatening tendencies/approachable nature as like. Proof that there are men who don't suck, something that comforts her as a girl dating sy and dealing with misogyny in the academy. so when jessie transitions she feels betrayed and robbed of something that was giving her a kind of hope and she spits out that "but you were such a lovely boy :(." if i were handling the arc over this i think she would pretty quickly feel really guilty, especially in response to jessie being like "no. you're not kidnapping us right now. you burst into my bedroom at 3 in the morning, you broke my window, and you've insulted who i am. get out." like i think she ends up having to have a really miserable conversation where jessie mercifully allows her a Reset, Take 2, and she asks her dumbass cis woman questions about jessies Feelings and comes to terms with it and ultimately manages to understand her/want to re-befriend her properly

oh and i think duncan is like. I think if you asked Duncan in a void what he thinks about people with [twig version of gender dysphoria disorder] he would confidently give some insane fucked up response about how conversion therapy is awesome and the obvious solution. but then the second he's actually in a room with jessie watching lillian fuck up so bad he ends up immediately empathizing with her as a person/seeing her as yet another girl he doesn't want to offend and being cordial/decent if awkward. ignorant and too unfamiliar with trans people to see them as like real people and not hypothetical case studies but then when he actually meets her and processes her as a person who's happier this way his biggest sin is the occasional sexist microaggression.

helen i think is thrilled because yay women. mary doesn't gaf she's just like ok sure can i shoot sylvester now. ashton is really polite and super chill about it he doesn't say anything for like 30 minutes because everyone is having an incredibly tense conversation about a variety of things and then when he finally speaks up he's just like. excuse me, jessie. i would like to say that your outfit looks very pretty. in the politest voice known to man and jessie is like thanks ashton:) it's good to see you again. and helen is pinching his cheeks during this entire thing.

as for non-academic circles. i actually don't see mauer giving a fuck. like he's running a revolution he's been through unfathomable horrors, straight up he does not have time to give a fuck if one of the little murder assassin children-now-teens that have apparently started their own rebel group and want to coordinate with him despite previously trying to arson murder him. has transed her gender. like i don't know if he would find it bizarre or distasteful or be totally chill with it but i can't see him letting whatever he's thinking internally stop him from referring to her as she wishes externally and dealing with them without particular care or interest in how jamie is jessie now.

and i think there's definitely lots of back alley surgeons that can do all sorts of SRS procedures as a matter of course. if someone wants something done to their body there's a market for it. there's nuances to how much you can trust the medical care based on area and the person doing it, but it's definitely An Option. you know how twig shows both lower tech areas that are sort of behind/dragging their feet on catching up to what they see as fucked up societal changes, And areas where crazy body mods like drake/emily and brunos and everything are super common and normal? i think the normalcy and ease of transition physically and socially ranges from "worth moving out of town for" in the most conservative areas to "completely accepted as scarcely more than another type of mod" in the more modern ones. esp if you're running in younger crowds. i think nonbinary people can totally have fun in twig. if you move to the right place "my transition goals are Tentacled Beast" is a feasible statement to fulfil.

ultimately i don't think jessie would run into too much transphobia in the wild...i think she doesn't go as far physically as many trans people, but she also never had a testosterone-based puberty because she never had testes, and trans people aren't in the public consciousness enough in most places for people to think "that's a Transgender Person...." instead of just "thats a lanky woman with a kind of weird voice. anyway." i don't think much of anyone outside the lambs and the employees who knew her before transition are even aware she's trans

One thing that I think is strange about Twig is how non-transphobic people are. Like aside from Sy's shit and that one mishap with Lilian, everyone's just like seemingly okay with Jessie. Even apparently Mauer, who was a pastor in the 1920s. Like you're sure that this is the early 20th century?

[bookwyrminspiration]

waitwait so ive been working on a future!au (and by 'working on' i mean 'constantly daydreming about but never writing') set in the same world as healer!tam and ive become...so attached to the idea of sophie becoming a councillor, but specifically before that being an emissary and going on assignments for both bronte and oralie. i just. i wants it!!! i feel like sophie would be the kind of person to keep pursuing what's right- as much as it would be painful, i dont think she'd say "fuck it" and stop fighting after the neverseen are gone. its just not like her. and i feel like, maybe after growing older and getting new beliefs and values and whatnot, itd be really interesting to see her both working with (and specifically for) two councillors, one of which is her biological mother (something she will never be able to tell anyone, and something she will always condemn oralie for) and the other is...well, it's bronte- he's the mean one, the cruel one, yknow, and i dont think he's exactly well-liked among the elven people. and her working for them, one hated and the other a traitor, and eventually taking one of their places, putting her in a position where she can enact the change they didnt (or couldnt, idk their circumstances) would just be....so good? i have no idea if im making sense here but...yeah. yeah. also i want to see sophie bonding with oralie and bronte. not necessarily liking them, but like. you know what i mean. i think.

but yeah. councillor!sophie.

- pyro

oof I know what you mean with that daydreaming thing. I've got an entire universe with ocs and everything that I guarantee will never make it onto paper. They're just going to live in my mind rent-free forever. Maybe i'll draw them one day tho--

that's off topic! anyways. I think Sophie as a councillor could have so much potential and the idea has fascinated me for a while, but it's a slippery slope between having her engage reasonably with the government and with a grain a salt and with the intention to make a change and with all the horrors they let happen in mind, and with her just becoming a councillor and giving in to what they want and ignoring all her experiences and thoughts for the sake of oo councillor!sophie!! at least that's how it is for me.

it like...it's so good but only if you approach it just right, if that makes sense. and you're right!! she'd do it for the right reasons. I don't think she's capable of resting, same way I don't think Tam is capable of stopping either. The two of them are similar in that sense: they're just going to keep going and going and going forever. They don't have an off switch. sophie is too opinionated to ever take a step back, not when she has such compelling morals that she literally can't ignore even if she wants to. They both have personal vendetta's against the system in a way most of the others don't. Sure, Keefe, Biana, and Fitz have been made aware that their world isn't everything they thought it was, but it was never working against them the way it was for the two of them. The others, Marella and Maruca and Dex feel like they want quieter lives. They either want things to go away or to deal with their problems on their own and actively say Fuck You to the system, not to fix it. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just different. Sophie broke the law when she was twelve! and essentially said she'd do it again--she's not taking a break just because the Neverseen are gone.

Sophie has had critiques about the elven world outside of the Neverseen--things like working class cities seeming unfair, not liking the matching system, ashamed of how Exillium worked, thinking the council isn't doing enough, etc. Her grievances aren't just with the dangerous rebels, it's with the system as a whole. So an opporunity to start fixing it from the inside out? She'd absolutely take. I think she might feel so guilty at passing up the opportunity later that she couldn't stand not to become a councillor.

also, your idea about her becoming an emissary is really interesting to me. i don't think Sophie would want to be a councillor (something something that one quote about the best leaders are the people who don't want to lead), not at first. i think she'd avoid the responsibility and possible restrictions, preferring to do things her own way. But working for the council? for Bronte and Oralie? that brings her a lot closer to the center of things, a chance to see how things work. she could compile a list of things she didn't like, things she wanted to change, so then when the opportunity arose for her to be elected she'd already be ready, knowing what she wanted to do and why. she's always had the drive to make change happen, and as much as she might dislike the idea of being a councillor and all the theatrics and appearances, it could be the best way to make those changes.

i'm kinda going off on my own tangent now so I'll stop, but I think the idea of sophie becoming a councillor has so many possibilities and avenues to explore that I love talking about it! because I did get distracted, if there's a specific part of your ask/idea that I glossed over that you'd want me to focus more on feel free to send me another ask because I'd be happy to talk more about councillor!sophie. pyro your ideas are excellent and I am eternally honored I get to hear them <33

[littlemisslipbalm]

“it’s not that important”

Summary: Y/N is in Harry’s band and one night they have a drunken hook up. One thing leads to another and they find themselves engaging in a friend’s with benefits type of situation. spoiler: it is important

AKA: A friends with benefits to lovers story :) with some angst in there

This is for @stylesharrys fallinharry10k celebration so my trope is friends with benefits! prompt is “you have no goddamn idea what you do to me. when i’m around you, i have no control of my emotions or my thoughts” and the tenth picture ^ i kinda just used it in the beginning to descripe what he was wearing - i got really carried away with this story but the prompt is in there !! lol, not proofread tho but would love your feedback !!!! :) love y’all very much 

oh boy i’ve had this done for agesss but i hadn’t written the smut until today so now we’re here i dont even remember what happens - i vaguely remember not loving the end but I hope yall enjoy

Word Count: 15.4k (longest fic to date) | Warnings: smut, angst, fluff, alcohol consumption? i dont remember but i dont think theres anything too heavy in here.

-

“Hey Harold!” You smile as you easily hop over the side of the couch and settle beside your bandmate.

Harry groans, yet can’t keep the small smile off of his face when he sees it’s you. “How many times have I told you to never call me that?”

Your eyes narrow at his faux glare. “And how many times have I told you, I simply do not care?” 

You reach a hand out and tousle his already disheveled, unstyled brown hair. Despite his lack of styling, his hair still looked perfect. His chestnut hair fell into a middle part when he did nothing to it and you found it endearing. It made him look far younger than he truly was, like a boy you might have pursued when you were in your early days at college. The waves slightly framed his prominent cheekbones and chiseled jaw that was sporting a tiny amount of stubble.

He moves his arm from around the back of the couch to pat at his hair, trying to put it back in its nondescript position you had just messed with. After he’s satisfied, he uses the same hand to push up his glasses on the bridge of his nose. They’re chestnut brown Gucci frames that match the natural highlights in his hair. You can safely assume that’s why he bought them. The lenses are clear, but you know they don’t hold any prescription. He looks incredulously at you from behind them still.

“Nice glasses,” you mention offhandedly as you reach out to the coffee table to grab the drink you had left there earlier.

Before Harry had arrived, you had been taking up residence on the couch, in the spot he had actually taken up. You had ventured to the restroom for a moment and gotten held up in a conversation when asked your preference for the Beatles. Having to defend your staunch stance for the Beatles and against the Rolling Stones, you had gotten swept up into an argument with Adam. He believed that because the Rolling Stones toured for longer warranted them the title of best rock band. While you countered that despite their long touring and production of music, the Stones had a rotation of members. The Beatles maintained the four of them and held such a large impact even though they were barely together for a decade. They were one of a kind, or at least the first of their kind, you’d allow. You weren’t really in the mood for intellectual conversation tonight, so upon seeing Harry taking up your seat, you had told Adam you’d continue the discussion at a later date and returned to your spot.  

“Thanks,” Harry mumbles as his gaze flits around the room. He wasn’t sure if you were actually complimenting him, but he would take it as one either way.

The rest of your friends are all up and about, drinking, talking, dancing. It was the usual house party scene: a relatively intimate gathering, music you all actually liked, some friends of friends feeling slightly out of place. There was no pressure in this type of gathering but still Harry wasn’t necessarily in the party mood tonight. Usually, Harry was the one instigating these types of get-togethers with his friends and bandmates. He liked to be the life of the party, but as the tour loomed closer and closer, he felt some tinge of longing for quiet and solitude. He knew he wouldn’t have much quiet while on the road, which mostly didn’t scare him. He loved the stage and the high he received from performing and the gratification he felt from all the people in the room being there to see him. But there was also that other part of him that liked the quiet, the privacy. As the lack of alone time nudged itself around the corner, he had been hoping to enjoy solitude, or at the very least peace before he was on the road. Some sort of blissful state before technical chaos ensued. When Charlotte, the host of tonight’s soiree, had texted their group chat about tonight, Harry had politely declined. Then came the slew of private texts from Charlotte giving him all the reasons he should come tonight. He tried to say no again, but had shown up after the continued begging from her.

His appearance mirrored his expression, choosing a not perfectly fitted white t-shirt and random trousers rather than picking something he really loved, like usual. You could tell something was up and as his friend you were wondering what was wrong with him.

“Don’t sound so excited, Harry, someone might mistake you for somebody who’s happy to be here.” You stick your tongue into the side of your cheek, gauging his reaction.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re not very funny?” He quips, green eyes flashing to meet yours.

Your banter is probably how the pair of you communicated the best, never really falling into the whole serious side of friendship. You never shared those late night talks about the future or your fears. It was a fun friendship, so you didn’t fancy yourself one of his closest confidants. When it came to music, you and Harry were a bit more serious which formed a sort of paradox because the music you would share with each other gave a far greater insight into your souls than you probably realized. As a member of his band, you would discuss his music and what was going on with that sort of business part. But the sharing and discussion of other music that you did was part of your friendship, even if you didn’t see it like that. Because of the countless albums you had recommended to each other and the specific songs you had made note of, Harry and you knew each other much better than you thought you did. Music connects to something deep inside yourself and you have to like it enough and know the other person well enough to believe that they will also enjoy it to recommend it. As much tongue and cheek that you partook in with Harry, deep down, unbeknownst to either of you, you were that friend he shared his hopes and fears with, through the way he knew best, music.

“No, most people find me hilarious...”

You take a sip of your drink, trying to cover up the sting that his remark actually left. Most of the time you were great at keeping up with anyone’s banter, especially Harry’s, but tonight you weren’t feeling it. His tone had sounded so harsh it almost sounded like he meant it. His features soften when he sees the way your face falls, despite your sarcastic tone.

“‘M sorry. I’m just not in the best mood tonight. Didn’t want to come, but Charlotte…” He shifts to face you, arm retracting slightly around the couch, landing his hand at the edge of your shoulder. His fingers fiddle with themselves absentmindedly, he turns his rings around his fingers and they ever so slightly brush against your shoulder. You don’t mind, you know its his nervous tick that he did whenever he didn’t have something to clink them against.

“Yeah, same here, actually.” Your tuck an out of place hair behind your ear, returning your gaze to Harry, who’s tilting his head at you curiously. “But might as well make the most of it, though. After all, this is our last week before tour starts.” You raise your glass and tilt it towards him before taking a sip.

You really didn’t have a plan, you were just trying to make him feel a little better. It was seldom you saw him so solemn at this type of gathering. He usually was the one bouncing from group to group, entertaining everyone with his dazzling charm and quick wit. Sometimes he would bring a date and spend the night with them in the corner, but that was usually at bigger parties than this. At these types of gatherings you often found yourself talking with Charlotte for most of the night. You were both new additions in the band and you had clicked immediately. You would travel in a pair between different groups and talk with everyone. Sometimes you would tell a humorous anecdote about your life and everyone would laugh wholeheartedly. Your ability to retell a story and make it hilarious every time seemed to be your secret talent. You could make any experience into a ten-minute retelling and it always sounds like the funniest moment of your life. It ranged from your embarrassing audition for Grease as a tween to your supermarket run in with an old acquaintance or B-list celebrity the day before. It didn’t matter what it was, it just always had the entire circle of people laughing and wiping their eyes with joy. You’d laugh a little with themselves, but usually you just had a triumphant smile on your lips for the rest of the night.

He nods, sipping his own drink for the first time since you had settled down beside him. “Well, I’m all ears.”

“What?”

“Give me your suggestions on how to make the most of tonight.”

“Drinking, mostly, was my plan,” you laugh nervously as Harry continues to stare at you intently.

“Mostly?”

“I mean, what do you want me to say? I didn’t think to pack my bouncy castle, my bad.”

He bites back a laugh but lets some air escape his defined nose, before staring with a deadpan face at you.

You like to tease him. You simply liked him. Harry was different from other men you knew. You were pretty sure most people could say that though. Harry was just different. It seemed like no one could not have some sort of affection for him. With the playful friendship the pair of you had, you always skirted the edge of flirtation. But you also didn’t particularly ever want to cross any lines with him. He was the employer of you, technically. He had brought you into his backing band and you wouldn’t do anything to harm that position. As well, at the end of the day you knew Harry. His tendencies and the choices he made.

When you were around him at parties like this, you had to try really hard to keep him at an arm’s length. Because on one hand, you would drink and suddenly the boundaries you put up didn’t seem that important, instead his lips started to look rather inviting, but on the other, you knew that he was extremely emotionally closed off to any relationship that was more than either friendship or a one night stand.

Harry doesn’t give you a response, just swings back his drink. The pair of you sit and drink in silence. Before you know it, Harry and you are five drinks in, finally talking after the second. The pair of you decide to move to the balcony outside and continue your conversation there after the third. After the fourth, you're getting really handsy and by the end of the fifth, Harry’s arm is wrapped tightly around your waist and you're laughing breathlessly into his neck. It looks like he’s just shielding you from the cold night air, but both of you seemed to be enjoying each other’s embrace for other reasons.

Finally catching your breath, you lean back and pant softly as you meet eyes with Harry. His pupils have blown out from the alcohol and dark light. The emerald green barely surrounds the black and you swear there’s flecks of gold or maybe brown in them. Your brows scrunch at the revelation and Harry asks what you’re thinking. You don’t respond, too entranced and drunk to even hear him.

“Oi,” he bops your nose, “What is goin’ on in there, little lady?”

Your hand reaches up and widens Harry’s eye manually. His inebriated state has no qualms about you doing such an odd thing. “Why’s your green not actually green?”

“What?” He asks before moving your hand away from his face, it instead falls to his chest. The pair of you shift until your caged between his body and the balcony’s ledge. You pout as you stare up at him. His skin looks soft and taught over every inch of his face and neck. The urge to kiss him keeps nagging at the back of your mind. The idea keeps creeping up closer and closer and the drunker you are the less likely you are to suppress it.

“Do you want to fuck me?” You blurt out.

“Sure.” Harry isn’t taken aback. He had been thinking about asking for a while, so he was glad you had asked first, made it easier for him.

“Okay, let’s go.”

He takes you back to your place, the pair of you catching a cab the short distance between yours and Charlotte’s flats. No one blinks an eye at the pair of you leaving together. Everyone watched the pair of you sulk all night about being there and only enjoying the other’s company, so they weren’t keen on either of you staying. Charlotte was simply glad the pair of you had stayed for as long as you did.

The two of you walk casually until you’re inside your bedroom. Once inside, Harry throws you on the bed and fucks you. Hard. He’s got you spread out in more ways than you had ever thought possible. He’s got you saying things you had never even dreamed of saying. And he’s got you cumming and screaming more than you could have ever wanted. He enjoys himself as well. He loves the way you feel around him and the way your eyes look up at him while he fucks you straight into the bed. He loves the way you sound whispering dirty things and screaming his name. He loves the feel of your soft skin all over your body as he pushes deep inside you. He loves the way you’re able to rip a guttural moan from him every time he cums. And he cums three times that night. While it wasn’t quiet, he did find that blissful state he had been in desperate need of.

After the third round, Harry feels spent. He brings himself into a sitting position, legs hanging off the edge of your bed. You’re lying in your bed, completely overstimulated, cumming at least twice as many times as Harry. He scratches at the top of his head, his bicep bulging as he folds his arms around himself.

“That was fucking good, Y/N. Just what I needed.”

You can only hum in response.

Then he takes your blanket and lays it over you. After that he begins to stand up, getting ready to grab his things and go.

“You don’t have to go…” your voice raises when you realize what he’s doing.

“Yeah, I do. This was just a one time thing, yeah? I enjoyed it, but you know...”

“Erm, I guess?” You rolled to fully look at him, he was pulling his t-shirt back on now, his marked chest disappearing beneath the white fabric. “Do you really not stay over at your one night stands?”

He thinks about it as he begins with his shoes and his glasses at the same time. “Yes? Usually I don’t know the person and I don’t particularly want to sign an autograph when I leave in the morning. Best to leave immediately afterwards.”

“That was exactly why I wanted you to stay...Shit! No chance you’ll give me an autograph now? Could sign my tit, right next to your hickies.”

He laughs, automatically in a better mood after the catharsis of having sex. It was also a relief for him that you didn’t seem to be weird about the hook up. “Shut up!”

“You’re a twat, Harold.” He groans instinctively at the annoying nickname, not caring about the ‘twat’ part. “But be my guest, you can freeze your arse off while waiting for your cab outside at this hour.”

“Rude..” He mutters, standing in your doorway now. “You wouldn’t actually make your employer stand out in the cold at this time of night. I haven’t even got a jumper. Could get a cold and ruin my voice. ”

“You’re the one who says it’s best to leave immediately. Get on it, mister.”

Your hand makes a shooing movement, but he doesn’t budge. You sigh as he makes a puppy dog face - eyes wide and a puckered pout with his flushed cheeks and lips - playing into your actual kindness, that he knows is somewhere. Your sweetness that you were keeping hidden from Harry right now. Nothing was serious between you so it made sense that you were trying not to let your innate ability to care show as he’s about to walk out on you.

“Ugh, fine. Stop looking at me like that. Just grab one of my coats from the bottom right, they’re all oversized so one should fit.” He doesn’t relent on the face. “And you can stay inside until your cab comes.” You sigh and throw one of your pillows at him. He catches it easily and throws it back, much softer than your throw. “Also never pull the employer card on me again when I’m naked in the bed you just fucked me in,” you call as he looks through your closet.

Returning with a patchwork coat you had thrifted tight over his shoulders, he looks at you seriously, “Yeah sorry about that part. Definitely wasn’t trying to exert my power over you, it sounded better in my head. Meant more like you could ruin my voice and both of our jobs.”

You nod and chuckle slightly, finding how inarticulate Harry could be as an endearing trait. His explanation didn’t actually make it sound better. “The jacket fits.” You say, choosing to move forward from Harry’s weirdness, knowing he didn’t mean any harm from his initial statement.

“Yeah, thanks. I think my cab is here,” He glances at his phone, “So I’ll go...See you?”

“I’m sure.” You smile, “We do in fact work together and will soon be touring the world. Would be a bit weird if I didn’t see you.”

“Right.” He nods and adds a peace sign before he walks out of your sight. You know he’s gone when you hear the door click shut. What an interesting night.

-

Love on Tour had just started and Harry couldn’t lie. He couldn’t keep his mind off of you. You were both his most recent partner and the best he had had in a while. He found himself rubbing over the spots on his neck and clavicle that you had given particular attention to during the night you had shared together. When he went to bed it was your body he pictured to get himself off. So, after the first show he’s beelining to you at the beginning of the after party. He’s got an adrenaline high and he needs a release. You’re the solution. He’s whispering in your ear, asking if you’d like to meet him in his dressing room. Your eyes study his face when he pulls back and they widen slightly when the realization of what he’s implying dawns on you. Then you’re nodding and excusing yourself from a random conversation five minutes later.

Inside Harry’s dressing room, you find Harry already unbuttoning his shirt. He grabs your face and shoves his lips onto yours once you lock the door. As he kisses you he tries to make one thing very clear, “This doesn’t mean anything.”

“Got it.” You begin to finish Harry’s job of taking off his shirt.

He pulls back to look you in the eye, “Are you okay with that?”

“Jesus fuck, yes, Harry, just shut up and fuck me senseless again!”

He listens to you and begins to kiss down your jaw and neck. His open-mouth kisses leave a searing trail across your skin. He settles on a spot at the base of your neck and begins to suck and nip at it with vigor. You set to work on finishing his job of unbuttoning his shirt. Then you pull off your own shirt, reaching behind you to untie the bows at the back. The new skin exposed grabs Harry’s attention and he moves down to suck over the cleavage of your tits. He’s happy to be back with his ‘bosom friends’. You smack his head when he says it and he chuckles darkly, only sucking harder on them causing you to moan louder than you would like.

Once you’re both in only your underwear, you find your back pressed up against the mirror behind the dressing room counter. Harry’s body is nestled between your spread legs as he kisses down your skin. His fingers dance along the line of your thong as he looks up from beneath his lashes for position, you only push his head closer to your heat in response. He laughs mischievously before tugging them down off your hips.

“Missed this pretty little cunt...All I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout,” He mutters as he begins to latch onto your dripping core.

Your brows shoot up at the thought that Harry’s mind has been stuck on you for the past week. You definitely had thought about your drunken hook up a bit, but hadn’t thought it had left a lasting impression on Harry, you assumed he had that lovely of a night with every person he chose to spend intimate time with. These thoughts are forgotten when Harry’s warm tongue is lapping at your swollen bud. You’re already panting for Harry and now you’re heaving with moans and whimpers leaving your mouth with every lick and nip of his expert mouth.

“Fuck Harry, feels so good,” you whine as his tongue travels down your folds and swirls and dips into your hole.

He moans at your words and the way your legs squeeze at his head. His hands move to spread you open wide to maintain his control and he smirks at the way your body rolls due to the friction of his voice against your pussy.

“Be a good girl f’me,” he growls still pressed against your wet heat.

Your body rolls again as you get closer and closer to your first release. Your bite your lip trying to contain all of the sounds that are trying to escape your mouth. Harry notices the new silence and glances up seeing how you’re trying to behave. As much as he likes you obeying his words, he also wanted to hear how he was pleasuring you.

“Tell me how you feel, princess,” he demands.

“So-so good,” you hiccup as his fingers caress over your folds now as he looks you in the eyes, his lips wet with your slick. He kisses you hard, his tongue diving into your mouth and you kiss back passionately, loving your taste on his tongue.

He pulls back and your hands trail down his chest, swirling around his familiar tattoos and hair that grace his lower torso as you move. He grins, enjoying the feeling of you on him and how he was affecting you.

Soon enough, his cock is finding its way back to your glistening folds, wet with your own liquids as well as his saliva. His mouth waters at the sight. He only pushes into you a few times like this. Then he catches sight of himself in the mirror in front of him and can’t resist. He pulls out and flips you over, your squeal leaving your mouth before you can stop yourself. His dick finds your entrance once again, not wanting to be without the wonderful warmth for any longer than he must.

“Ahhh,” Harry groans when he slips back inside.

Your head throws back on your neck, the feeling of him as well as the sight of him gripping your hair in one hand and your fleshy hip in the other. His rings dig into the skin as he’s able to slam more forcefully in this position. You gasp and whine at his motions. The sounds coming from between your legs are turning you on even more and they seem to make Harry happy too. He picks up the pace and drops the grasp of your hair for a second. Your head falls down as you try to keep yourself up on your elbows.

Gripping both of your hips, Harry growls, “Look at me while I fuck you. C’mon now.”

You moan in response and tear your eyes open to see your reflections in the mirror. One hand goes up to hold onto the mirror to give yourself more traction, causing your back to arch even more. The new position has Harry’s cock slamming into you deeper.

“Fuck!” Harry practically yells and can’t keep himself from landing a harsh slap on your ass. You jump forward at the sting but his other hand keeps the pace steady. He keeps burying himself into you all the way to his base, his balls slapping at your now slick spread thighs. He rubs over the red handprint he had just left on your ass. You whimper and bite your lip, truly enjoying the sensation.

Still staring into the mirror as Harry commanded, your eyes water slightly and Harry makes eye contact with you through the mirror. You smile widely and he grins back. “This feels so fucking good. Your pussy takes me so well. Fuck…” Harry babbles, still pistoning into you. You had noticed how vocal he was the first time you had fucked, but thought it had just been the alcohol. Apparently not. But you didn’t mind, you much preferred it to partners who barely spoke or didn’t even moan. Like how were you supposed to know what was going on in their minds? With Harry, you knew he was having a good time.

A few more heavy thrusts and you felt yourself nearing the edge. Your panting was getting faster, exceeding the speed of Harry’s thrusts and he could also feel you were close. Your cunt began squeezing him tighter so he hooked a hand under your knee and brought it onto the table. He hunched over you slightly and snaked his hand to your clit. “C’mon darling, I know you're close. Can feel that little cunt putting a choke hold on my cock.” He rubs at your clit with the vigor of strumming a quick paced song on the guitar. It’s enough to overtake your senses and the laugh that had bubbled from his words turns into your orgasm moan. You try to muffle it into the arm that is holding you against the mirror to avoid a full on scream because it feels that good. You felt like you were having your first ever orgasm, it felt that new to you.

A few more thrusts and you’ve come down from it, but Harry still hasn’t finished. It’s your turn to be the partner coaxing the other to get off. “Faster, Har. Want you to cum too.” He grunts, picking back up the pace. He had slowed to let you ride out your stay. “That’s it...want you to cum in me. Your cock feels so fucking good.” You whine, meaning every word. He smiles again at you and closes his eyes, focusing on chasing his high. You watch as his smile widens to that open mouth grin, “Fuck,” he almost whispers. And there it is. There’s a twitch in his hips that mirrors his expression and then he’s pulling out and cumming on your back. His voice is now even lower and raspier than before as he babbles how good that was and how tight your pussy was. It was sweet nothings, but extremely explicit and you sighed heavily, feeling a small orgasm wash over you again. His final thrusts and voice pushing you off the cliff again easily.

The two of you take a minute to bring your breathing back to normal and Harry goes to clean your back off.

“So..how do you feel about maybe doing this regularly?”  Harry asks sheepishly as he begins to pull his pants back on.

“Like a friends with benefits kind of thing? Or bandmates with benefits, rather.” You laugh breathlessly at your not really funny joke, but you’re now truly exhausted. From the show and the fuck, you felt thouroughly worked out.

“I guess that’s what it is, yeah.”

“Yeah, sure. Sounds good.”

“You’re honestly so chill, Y/N. It’s fuckin’ hot.”

You laugh and flip your hair dramatically. You’re only in your bra and panties right now and Harry licks his lips, finding your playfulness to be a turn on. “What can I say?” You laugh.

“But like I said before...it’s just sex.” He’s buttoning up his shirt and looking at your reflection through the mirror now. He watches you slip the pants you had been wearing back on.

“Oh, Harold, I know.” On cue, he groans and turns around to face you after fixing his mused hair in the mirror. Interrupting yourself, you turn your back to Harry, “Can you tie this, sorry it’s hard for me to get the -” Harry walks to you without any hesitation and begins tying the silk ribbons on the back of your shirt. “Thanks. Anyway,” you turn to face him when he’s finished and you place both of your palms on his chest. “Trust me, I know you’ve got your issues and I’m not looking to be the girl that tries to change you. I know what this is. I only ask that you let me know when you sleep with other people, because once you do, you won’t need me.” Harry nods and you pat your hands against him. You both smile and go your separate ways when you leave the dressing room.

-

Harry and you fucked almost every night on tour. Sometimes it was right after, on the counter in his dressing rooms. Sometimes it was later in the evening in his hotel room or yours. He stopped leaving immediately after your hook ups. He never kicked you out of his room so he decided it was fine for him to stay in yours. Especially because you weren’t a stranger who would be weird with him in the morning. He also didn’t like trekking through the hotel halls late at night.

The first few times you stayed in the same bed, the two of you stayed on opposite sides of the bed, not touching after you were finished engaging in your sexual endeavours. Rigid bodies against the edges of the mattress. Then one particularly long night, filled with multiple rounds, Harry was so exhausted from his performance on stage and off that he collapsed on top of you. He fell asleep there and you didn’t particularly mind. It felt nice to be slightly compressed and held. He shifted in his sleep and when he woke up he wasn’t upset to find you nestled into his side with his arms wrapped around you. After that, cuddling sort of became part of the routine. After you were done having sex, Harry or you would get up to clean up and bring back waters. Then you would settle in his arms. Sometimes in a spooning position and sometimes you cradled softly into his chest. You didn’t talk about it, it just happened.

One night it was your head directly on top of his butterfly tattoo, one leg thrown over his lower torso and your arm snuggly wrapped around his middle. He liked to pet your hair when you laid against his chest in that way. His fingers would fiddle with the strands and you liked it because he usually took off his rings before he would do it and his hands felt so soft and delicate against you. Harry liked the way he felt when he would hold you afterwards. It was calming to fall asleep against your soft skin and feel your fingertips trace lyrics to songs he wasn’t sure the name of against his own.

No one knew about how your friendship with Harry worked. To the rest of the world, you seemed to be someone who had become another close friend in the band. You were similar to Mitch in many respects. Except for when Harry winked at you during a show, it wasn’t a friendly wink, it was a ‘this song makes me horny and I can’t wait to relieve the pressure by fucking you later’ kind of wink. You knew this because Harry had gone over and whispered it in your ear during a quick break, when you had only looked at him weirdly after he did it.

Before the show tonight, you pulled Harry aside, “So what are we thinking tonight? I feel like I might want to ride you...Haven’t been on top in a while.” In the darkness of the backstage, you crane your neck to take Harry’s earlobe between your teeth. He groans softly and grips your hips to guide them against his for a second. “Sounds fuckin’ fantastic, love.” You twitch back, releasing him immediately at the word. You always told him not to call you that and he tried to reason with you, that it was just something he called people. But you disliked it a lot, adding it to the growing list of rules the pair of you had for the do’s and don'ts of being friends with benefits with each other.

“Harold,” you groan and he steps back at that pet name. While he hated this, you refused to let him put it on the list because it didn’t cross any lines with your physical arrangement. Not that there was any physical list to put it on, it was more of a theoretical list that the two of you would speak of occasionally.

“Sorry.” He says eventually, “Didn’t mean it.” You both laugh.

You think about how other relationships were sometimes desperate to hear their partner express their love for them and you believe you’re grateful for the simplicity of your arrangement. The term relationship regarding what you and Harry were doing was also in the ‘don’t’ category on the list. If either of you were being honest, there should be no need for a list and you should be questioning yourselves why you felt the need to set boundaries if one part of it was physical and the other part was your friendship and job. If it truly was just physical why were boundaries constantly needing to be set and followed? But right now honesty was not in the cards.

-

After the show Harry gets delayed with press or fans or something that you don’t really care about. You barely read the text that he sends, only caring about the ‘sorry got held up’ and the ‘be there in thirty’.

You let yourself into his room and wait on the bed, flipping through your phone, completely unbothered by the rest of the world. When you hear a knock on the door, you don’t think twice about getting up and opening the door. You only realize your terrible mistake when it’s Mitch and not Harry standing at what you’re also just realizing isn’t your door, but instead Harry’s.

“Shit!” you say under your breath as Mitch looks at you confused.

The room is dark behind you because Harry would have just entered and gotten down to business. He might turn on a side lamp, but you hadn’t felt the need to have light on while you waited. Forgetting all of that, you had just gone to the door and opened it.

Mitch tucks some of his hair behind his ear as he stares at you. “Is Harry here?”

“Er..No?” It comes out as a question. You rub the back of your ankle with your foot, feeling nervous.

“Is he actually not here or?” Mitch trails off, narrowing his eyes at you.

“No, no he’s really not here. I’m waiting for him, too.” You rush your words, but try to remain calm.

“You have a key to his room. And you’re waiting in the dark.” He says. They’re not questions and you’re not sure just how guilty you look.

“Yeah!” You try to come up with a non suspicious response, hoping there’s a way to still salvage your’s and Harry’s secret, “He gave me his key because he wanted to talk about something and I kept it dark because my eyes always hurt after shows. Kind of like a migraine.” You scratch at your head and smile, trying to convince Mitch. He seems to believe you as he nods slowly and opens his eyes more.

There’s a little bit of an awkward silence and Mitch shifts his weight between his feet, looking at you still. Just as you're about to invite Mitch to come wait inside with you, Harry steps out of the elevator and begins to walk down the hall. His key card is already in hand and your eyes widen. Harry’s expression mirrors yours when he realizes Mitch is standing outside of his door and that you are standing with him. “Mitch!” Harry says, placing his hand on Mitch’s shoulder and sliding his key card into his back pocket with the other. Mitch turns to Harry without seeing him put away the other key card and you look at the pair of them.

“I was just telling Mitch how you gave me your key card so we could talk about...that thing.” You interject, flicking the lights on in Harry’s room as casually as possible. Harry shoots you a look about how you couldn’t come up with an actual reason for being there. You shrug your shoulders helplessly.

Mitch looks between the two of you and feels some weird tension and he’s not sure if it's always there and he’s just noticing or if something is going on right now.

“Yeah, well, I came to stop by to talk about the riff in Canyon Moon. Something is wonky with it.”

“Oh! Sure,” Harry nods to Mitch and then glances at you, “Y/N, we can talk about that other thing later. It’s not that important anyway.” His tone is so casual and nonchalant. You stare at him, thinking he can’t be serious. You had been almost sure he would send Mitch away, but instead you were being kicked to the curb. When he doesn’t say sike or anything of the sort, you nod. “Okay,” then you mumble a ‘good luck’ with figuring out the problem with the song. Mitch walks in the door, but Harry’s eyes stay fixed on your figure retreating down the hallway. He watches you disappear and is only pulled from his thoughts when Mitch calls his name from the couch in the room.

After reaching your floor, you key into your room and get ready for bed. Just as you’re about to drift off to sleep, completely alone for once in a long time, there’s another knock. This time you check the peephole, a habit you realized you were going to have to get better at. It’s Harry. You open the door and walk away immediately once he’s entered the room.

“Why are you here?”

“Thought we could still...” He follows you into the room, trying to make out your face in the darkness.

“I’m not in the mood anymore.” Your tone gives away your annoyance. You couldn’t hide that you were mad at Harry for sending you away. It made you feel weird. The way he did it so easily made you feel like you were extremely disposable and unwanted.

“I’m sorry,” he sighs as he lays down beside you. You turn to face him when he places a hand on the small of your back. You’re face to face and your noses are almost brushing. It’s not really possible to see each other’s features, but after months of hooking up you knew each other’s faces pretty well. You could reach out and pinpoint all of Harry’s freckles and moles on his face and neck right now and be correct. He could likely do the same. The theory is proven correct when he reaches out and his hand dances down your cheek. “Just thought it would be less suspicious if I didn’t get rid of him. Couldn’t make him wait either…”

“I know,” your voice is small and soft, just above a whisper, “I forgive you.” You scoot closer to him and Harry instinctively wraps his arm around you, bringing you tightly into him. You sigh into his neck and he shivers at your warm breath on his slightly clammy skin. When you lick your lips, they brush lightly against his skin. He laughs at the feeling, so you decide to press an intentional kiss to the hollow in his neck. In response, he presses a kiss to your hairline, his lips slightly chapped after the concert.

The kisses are tender, filled with that thing neither of you dare attribute to anything the two of you did in the dark. The word you told him time and time again to not call you. So is just about every touch and word that has been exchanged in this room since Harry entered it. You fall asleep wrapped up in his arms, a soft smile resting on both of your faces. Neither of you seem to mind that you didn’t actually have sex tonight or anything even close to it.

-

When you wake up you feel especially well rested. You shift around and realize your bed is empty besides you. It depended on the day, but it was always a toss up between Harry being there when you woke up or not. However, lately, you had found it was usually the former. You would linger longer and so would Harry in each other’s rooms, lounging in each other’s embrace under the soft glow of the morning light peaking through whatever windows the room had. Today you were cold at his absence. Then you look up and realize you aren’t completely alone. Harry is standing at the end of your bed, staring down at his phone, smiling.

“Hey.”

You wait for his reply, but he doesn’t look up from his phone. “Hey, Harold,” you repeat. His head snaps up, a grimace on his face at the name. He slips his phone in his pocket and ruffles his hair. “Hey.” He finally responds. “I’m gonna head out.”

“Okay.”

Neither of you seem to find it necessary to talk about what happened last night. Harry definitely seemed a little off to you this morning, but you try to shake it from your thoughts. There was no reason to be upset with him being quiet. He didn’t owe you anything, you hadn’t even slept together last night, so if anything it was weird he stayed as long as he did.

It was the second night at the Forum in Los Angeles. This means no travelling necessary. No day off either, tomorrow you’d have a day off before the third and final show at the venue though.

Harry and you were talking normally at the venue, mostly about the setlist - him and Mitch had changed something for whatever reason last night, which was fine. Your banter was to a minimum, but you were trying to convince yourself that nothing was off. Even though it felt like something was different, you couldn’t place your finger on what it was, so you thought it was best to ignore it.

When Harry is about to go out on stage, you don’t pull him aside and when he introduces the members of the band to the audience, he doesn’t say anything fun or silly about you. He doesn’t wink or come up to you at any point in the performance. It’s so unusual the rest of your bandmates are giving you funny looks. Charlotte looks at you from across your keyboard in a way that she’s asking if you’re okay. You shake your head at everyone trying to signal that you’re fine.

Mitch goes over to Harry and whispers in his ear to check in with him, Harry looks at him with a bright smile on his face and says “of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Mitch looks between the pair of you, thinking back to last night and how weird the pair of you were being then. Maybe it dawns on him then what might be going on between the two of you, but if he did, he wouldn’t mention it for a long time.

You falter a bit on your back up vocals tonight. You’re trying to give it your all, like always, but for some reason your voice isn’t sounding the way you want it. About halfway through the show, when your voice comes out the exact opposite of how you would like, Harry finally gives you a second glance. His face practically emotionless, save for the single arched brow. He’s concerned, but not concerned enough where he would go over to you. He just doesn’t understand why you keep missing the right note tonight. You make a shake of your hand to say I don’t know either. He just shrugs and turns back around to continue the show, his lively smile returning while he turns his head.

After the show, Charlotte, Sarah, and you are all checking in, going over what had happened during the show in general. They’re both worried about your voice and you’re simply trying to tell them that it was just an off night. Nothing was wrong. As long as you told everyone else that, then it might turn out to be true.

“It’s fine, maybe I didn’t get enough sleep last night,” you fib, having gotten more sleep last night than most other nights on this tour. They both nod, seeming to take that as a reasonable answer.

Then Charlotte gets quieter as she whispers to the three of you, “Did you guys notice anything weird with Harry? He was super lively, but he barely interacted with you, Y/N, which is so unlike him...”

Sarah nods while you look skeptically on. Sarah adds, “He kept looking up to the boxes, too. More than usual at least. I don’t know though…” She trails off and you cross your arms over your chest, not really enjoying the conversation topic. “I mean, what do you think, Y/N?” Sarah adds.

Your eyes dance between the two women, your fellow bandmates, your friends. You sometimes wished you could share with them what you were doing with Harry. The secret was fun, but it’s also nice to be able to share with your girlfriends about the guy you’re seeing, even if it is a casual thing. The friendly gossip of it all is something fun to share, but sadly that was another thing you couldn’t do. You sigh, “You never really know what’s going on in his mind, y’know. He’s just Harry.” Your response is half-assed at best. You figure they’ll both give you shit for the non-answer you just supplied, but instead someone else speaks for them.

“I am in fact, just Harry.” He says and you swivel around to find yourself almost chest to chest with him. Charlotte laughs while Sarah simply smiles. Your eyes are huge as you stare up at him and you hope your blush doesn’t come out too strongly after being caught talking about Harry by himself. “Enlighten me on when I was being ‘just Harry’ though?” You bite your lip and take a step back from him, forming more of a line with the other women. He shrugs when no one offers a response, laughing lightly.

“Oh and Y/N, I can’t talk about that thing again tonight, I’ve got-”

“A date?” Charlotte asks, trying to understand why Harry was acting a little different tonight still. The part that Sarah had mentioned about him looking up into the boxes had given her the idea that he might have plans with someone after the show. Harry scratches his head, his hair slightly wet with sweat right after the show. He’s taken off his coat so he’s just in the almost completely unbuttoned, sweat soaked shirt he had been wearing underneath. It sticks tight to his skin and you can make out all the muscle lines that hide beneath the fabric that you usually get to caress. Your eyes flit from his body back to his face when he speaks again.

“Erm, I wasn’t going to phrase it like that...but yes, I suppose, it’s a date.” He says finally, he avoids your eye contact and you look at him very confused, trying to hide the hurt. He shoves his hands in his pockets trying to look and sound as casual as possible and ignore the strain he sees on your face. Is that what had held him up yesterday? Making plans with someone else? And he hadn’t told you until now? The past twenty four hours stung a little bit more now that you knew why Harry was being so distant. It simply felt icky finding out this way and it didn’t even seem like he was going to tell you it was a date.

“Okay,” you say simply and walk away. You hear Charlotte asking him details about his date, but you try actively not to hear any of it. Sarah watches you walk away and sees the way you wrap your arms around yourself to comfort you. She feels a twinge of sadness as she watches the scene unfold, seeing something she hadn’t realized was there before.

Harry doesn’t text or call you that night. You hang out with everyone else for a little while in Charlotte’s room before heading to bed, saying you think you need an early night tonight. Before you’re able to walk out of the door, Mitch stops you. “I heard Harry blew off whatever conversation the two of you have been trying to have again. Just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” You try to smile but it comes out as more of a grimace. There is no conversation Harry is blowing off, it’s simply you. “It’s fine. Like he said yesterday, it’s not important.” Mitch nods, but still looks at you with concern. What he had seen last night, then on stage today, and what Sarah had told him about your interaction after the show it all strung together in his mind. It didn’t seem unimportant at all. But he didn’t know how he could tell you that. He felt like he should talk to Harry about the way you looked when you left Charlotte’s room tonight, but he didn’t know how to bring it up to him either.

You don’t realize you’re crying until you're in the elevator, and it’s slowly rising to your floor of the hotel. You’re only one level up, but it feels like an eternity in there. You already weren’t a fan of elevators, but this ride felt impossibly worse. The walls are all made up of mirrors and you see yourself in the reflection, but you don’t exactly recognize the girl in there. Your eyes are tired from the show, dark circles already formed. Your hands are aching, clenching and unclenching on their own accord. Your body is slumped against the back wall, likely leaving a slight imprint from the smoke residue and dust on your clothes. Worst of all are the tears running down your face, smudging at your makeup, the black mascara you had applied dripping down in sinister raindrops against your skin. The sad girl stares back at you as you sniffle slightly, confused at what you’re seeing. “Why are you crying?” you ask yourself, your voice creaking and then breaking at the end as you struggle to get out the word ‘crying’ before a sob wracks through you. You roll your eyes when your reflection offers no explanation for itself. You laugh at your own patheticness and try to shake the feelings you’re experiencing.

Inside your room now, you flop on the bed and stare straight up at the ceiling. Your arms spread to your sides and your legs lay limply below you. You think about every night before last, every night since the tour started. Every night where you weren’t alone, where you were with Harry. Your mind flits to last night, how Harry’s lips had ghosted over your skin after his apology. How you had told him you forgave him and it had felt so peaceful, so simple. It was all so easy. Thinking about him and the things the two of you did together brought a smile to your face, unbeknownst to you. When you realize it’s there, your face drops immediately, deciding not to think about Harry.

But trying to not think about Harry makes you only think about him more and what you think about him now most definitely doesn’t bring a smile to your face. You’re thinking about him out on his date with some person you chose to learn nothing about. Maybe out of fear of what is happening right now. By knowing nothing about the person, you can’t compare yourself to them. Can’t see what’s different about them that would make Harry go out on a date with them. But it doesn’t matter who they are or what they look like because at the end of it all you know one thing for certain. They’re not you. You correct yourself, you know two things actually, because you also know that Harry chose to be with them instead of you tonight.

You fall asleep with tear stained cheeks that night and absolutely nothing positive on your mind. You want to sleep but know it only brings whatever is bound to happen tomorrow, which doesn’t seem very promising.

-

It’s noon when you wake up and you wake to a knocking on your door. You grumble and throw a sweatshirt over your body to hide the underwear you slept in. Not remembering your new habit, you swing the door open without any hesitation to find Harry. He looks wide awake and happy, the way he almost always looks, a fresh beautiful flower of a man. You look at him groggily, “What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t answering your phone.”

“Because I was asleep?” You tilt your head and look at him incredulously. “What about this,” you gesture to your appearance, “looks like I just went for a 3 mile jog for fun and I love the morning?”

“Can I come in?” He ignores everything you just said and enters the room when you leave the door to get back in bed. You often did that with him, you don’t know why, but when he asked to come in the room it was just simpler to let him in then say anything. He knew what you meant.

He sits at the edge of the bed as you reclaim your spot in the middle of it, tucked slightly under the covers, but still sitting up. “How was your date?” You try to sound nonchalant and it seems to work. Harry doesn’t notice your tense figure, but you notice how he tenses up when you ask.

“Good…Her name was-” You don’t let him finish, you already know the answer to this next question and you don’t need her name in order to ask it, “Did you fuck her?”

He’s silent, green eyes staring straight at you. You meet his gaze, your eyes almost burning holes into him. His eyes are begging you to not make him answer the question, he doesn’t want this to end, even if he also didn’t want the commitment he had felt himself exhibiting the other night.

When he had come to your room the other night after Mitch had almost caught you, he knew he shouldn’t have stayed. He didn’t want you to feel bad so he had come to apologize, but when the pair of you didn’t have sex, he should have left. But he didn’t, he stayed and it wasn’t for you, it was for himself. It was for him to hold you in his arms because he liked to. But when he woke up the next morning he knew he needed to leave. Solely cuddling wasn’t part of your arrangement together. It’s probably on the list of don'ts that the pair of you had. So after he realized the line he had willingly crossed with you, he quickly sent a text to Jeff who had tried to set him up with a model they were acquaintances with the night before - the reason he had gotten held up. Harry had initially declined, not very interested in seeing anyone else but you. But looking back on that choice in the light of day seemed to solidify what this relationship was - a relationship - and Harry didn’t like that. The commitment wasn’t part of the plan, so he told Jeff to set that date up for after the second show at the Forum and give the woman a ticket. That’s why he was smiling at his phone the morning after only cuddling with you, that’s why he didn’t joke around with you during the show, and that’s why he wasn’t in your bed last night.

You watch him expectantly, silently waiting for his answer, your veins cold as ice. He finally starts his answer and he wants to make it clear that it wasn’t as good with the other woman, but he’s not sure how to work that part in. He’s not sure how to explain to you it meant nothing if your arrangement also apparently meant nothing. You barely even let him get in a sentence. “Yes, but it was just a one time-”

“Alright.”

“What?” He doesn’t understand what you mean when you nod your head and cut him off.

“I told you at the beginning, Harry. Tell me when you sleep with someone else because when you do this is over. It doesn’t matter if she’s the love of your life or a one night stand. I will not be a backup plan, so if you’re able to find other people to sleep with, you don’t need to be sleeping with me.”

He sits in silence for a moment, his jaw dropped open slightly. He’s unable to keep it shut as his mind races about what to say. “Are you mad with me?”

“No, I’m fine. This was just sex. Charlotte will be happy that I’ll be going out with her more.”

Harry’s brow furrows as you shift away from him on the bed, grabbing your phone and beginning to flick through it. You feel numb and you’d like to not think about why.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks because he does care about you, worry is written all over his face. He just can’t commit, not now.

“What would I be mad about, Harry?” You look up and your eyes widen at him, silently asking him to truthfully say why you should be so upset about this revelation. You always knew it would eventually come to an end, you just hadn’t expected so soon. You hadn’t known the last time would be the last time and it broke your heart even if you knew it shouldn’t.

He shifts to reach his hand out to touch your exposed knee. You move away from him and he sighs, looking exasperated. “I- I don’t know. It just seems like we should talk about this.”

“You didn’t even think it was necessary to tell me you were going on a date last night, so I think it’s best if we just left it at ‘it’s fine, see you around’.”

He spreads his hands out across the sheets, examining his rings and painted nails thoroughly. You’re right, he doesn’t really want to talk about this. Well, more so, he’s conflicted. He would like to talk enough that you want to continue your arrangement but he doesn’t want to talk about feelings or emotions. Even if he has those feelings and emotions, they’re just not part of the things he’d like to talk about. “But-” You set your phone down at his first word, “Were you even going to tell me you fucked someone else today if Charlotte hadn’t asked you if it was a date last night? Would you just have come to my room tonight and acted like nothing had changed?”

“I would have told you.”

“Sure.”

“I swear I would’ve. I would never break a promise to you.”

“But you would make a decision that affects the both of us without telling me until afterwards?” Your voice breaks a little and you beg yourself not to cry right now.

“I thought you said this was just sex?”

You laugh humorlessly, in disbelief, “Of course it’s not, Harry! And it hasn’t been for a long time and that’s why you got scared and went and fucked someone else.” He looks at you blankly, unsure what to say, knowing you’re right. You continue, “But I also told you at the beginning of this, that I wasn’t going to try to change you. So this is me not trying to change you.” You sigh when he still says nothing, his expression completely unreadable, even to you. “Why couldn’t you have left it at ‘it’s fine’?” You say finally, barely above a whisper.

He blinks a few times after your final question. He flexes his hand one more time and then stands up from the bed. He adjusts his clothes and stares at you. You feel helpless, but you’re still trying to look pulled together, even after your outburst. You stare back. A thousand words floating through your heads, all the things you want to say and likely never will.

“I know, I’m…” he pauses, trying to get himself to say it, but he can’t. He can’t admit that he’s completely ruined whatever messed up paradise you had created together. “I’ll see you later.”

The apology or lack there of hangs in the air as he walks silently out your door. You don’t move, you barely even blink, still staring at the spot he had just occupied. Your breath finally escapes you, a large sigh. Then some nervous laughter. It was over...just like that. But things like this, left like this are never really over.

-

It’s awkward for a good amount of the rest of the tour. You hang out with your bandmates more and Harry rarely ever comes out with them after the shows. He either hangs out with Mitch on his own or is going out with random people he knows on the road. You and him speak, but it’s never a lot or about anything relatively meaningful. It’s not the fun back and forth of before or the fiery heat of sneaking around. You try to be normal with him, act like his casual friend and bandmate.

He does his best to do the same, but it’s difficult for him. He doesn’t know how to talk to you anymore. He misses being with you, but can’t bring himself to fix it. He doesn’t do much to right his wrongs with you. He also doesn’t even know what he would want if he did apologize. It scared him to think about the step that came after ‘sorry’ so he saved himself the trouble and never did that part either. One night he texts you: “I’m trying, it’s just hard.” and that’s it. You don’t give him a response, he doesn’t need one. You know he’s trying and he knows you know.

Near the end of the tour, he comes out with the rest of you for drinks one night. Only Mitch is between the two of you in the booth, so you feel closer to Harry than you’ve felt in a long time. The group of you are chatting and having a good time. You somehow get onto a story from when you were still in college. You explain how you had narrowly avoided getting Chlamydia right before your Christmas break junior year. You act out the conversations you imagined would have happened at all your Christmas events if you had indeed gotten it. Your impressions of your mother, father, and sister have everyone laughing the most. Harry is shaking with laughter from your story and you smile at him in appreciation when he says, “That is the funniest story I’ve heard in a long fucking time.”

The rest of the night goes really well, for the most part. No one bickers or is short with each other. Everyone is laughing and drinks are flowing. Eventually Mitch gets up to go to the bathroom and you feel Harry slide back into the booth closer to you after letting Mitch out. Your hand had taken up residence next to your thigh, resting on the vinyl of the booth. You sense something next to it now and notice Harry’s hand is resting close beside it. He shifts his hand closer when he sees that you’re looking down at it. He’s almost touching you and you look up to his eyes, wondering if he’ll close the distance. He makes an imperceptible shake of his head, but you know what he means. As you’re about to shift your hand so that your pinky connects with his, Mitch returns and your head shoots up to his figure. You instantly remove your hand from the vinyl and shift closer to Charlotte. Harry gets up, but doesn’t sit back down once Mitch is settled. He instead walks off to get another drink, risking one last look at the table where he makes eye contact with you, but he doesn’t come back. Mitch informs everyone that Harry went back to the hotel because “he was tired” after Harry doesn’t return and Mitch gets a text. You roll your eyes, sure that you saw him slip out of the side door with a woman he found at the bar after he had gotten his drink. If that’s what ‘tired’ looked like on Harry, it was fine.

You start to speak to Harry on a more regular basis after that night out. It’s not funny or lighthearted. It’s just ‘I saw this song the other day, thought you might like to listen’. It went back and forth, it wasn’t everyday but it was something. The last text between the two of you before you began sharing songs again was his ‘I’m trying it’s just hard’ text that he had sent randomly one night. Then after one of you would listen, you would see each other at sound check and mention the song and what you thought about it. It can be noted that it was Harry who sent the first song.

For Harryween, Adam couldn’t be there. He has some family emergency the day of and doesn’t come with the rest of you to Madison Square Garden or the hotel you were staying at. Thankfully, Charlotte also plays keys and you can play bass. The band had to shift around some things on stage and make minimal changes to the setlist since you weren’t rehearsed on the covers Harry was doing. You spent the whole day running through the chords of those songs with Mitch, trying to memorize them so you didn’t mess it up during the show.

It was weird because for Harryween the setlist was switched up a little from the regular set for Love On Tour. Harry was playing the entire new album as well as half of the first album, Medicine, some of his other unreleased stuff, and about six covers, including old One Direction songs. It was going to be a long show and a challenge for you.

Before the show, Harry pulls you aside, to a dark corner backstage, and your mind flits back to the last time you had been in this type of position. The last time he had called you ‘love’, the last time you bit his earlobe - which always drove him crazy, the last time he ground his hips against yours, those and more and you had no idea that it was the last. By then you had already had sex with Harry for the last time, kissed his lips for the last time. It made your heart race to be so close to him and so alone once again. But it’s nowhere near the same as it once was. You shake the memories from your mind and look up expectantly at him.

“Have you got this?” He asks seriously, tone concerned. Of course it’s a music question, nothing more. Like it always was now.

“Yeah, of course.” His stare is unwavering and you try not to falter from it.

“I can get someone else to cover tomorrow, it was just such a short notice today. You know bass really well too, it made sense.”

“I’ve got this. Seriously, don’t worry, Harold.” You pat his chest lightly and for once Harry smiles at the sound of your nickname for him. You had stopped using it after the end of your arrangement. It never felt right to use when you were talking about music, and that was about the only time you had been talking. In this moment though, it felt right. His warm, large hands held your upper arms as you stared up into his big eyes. You missed staring into them, the shimmering emerald of his irises were constantly intriguing. You instinctively reach up to move back a curl that has fallen onto his forehead. He doesn’t shy away from your touch and continues to smile down at you.

“Y’haven’t called me that in forever.” He grins, his lips a shiny pink from the lip balm he had on.

“No, I suppose I haven’t. But where was the groan? The whole point is to annoy you.” You smile coyly. He tips his head back and laughs, releasing your arms from his grasp as he laughs wholeheartedly.

Then he does a soft groan, a playful sound, “How was that?”

“Eh. I’ll give you a four out of ten. Not enough emotion behind it.” You slide from the area the two of you have been occupying and make your way onto the stage to start dealing with the bass you would be playing. You hear Harry call out to you, “I think I deserve at least a five, maybe even a six!” You turn back for a second to look at him with an unimpressed expression and shake your head no. He laughs again and you hear him even when you walk out onto the stage. You smile to yourself as you pick up the bass.

When he introduces the band, he waits to talk about you last. “And sadly this evening Mr. Adam Prentergest, our usual fabulous bassist, was unable to attend our fancy dress party! However! Our lovely Y/N L/N is also a superb bassist and was kind enough to step into his place. - Anything to add?” He saunters across the stage to you and you laugh kindly, feeling at ease in this part of the stage even though you were usually on the opposite side and further back from the crowd. You nod at Harry and he leans his portable mic towards your lips. You wet them quickly and eye Harry before turning out to the crowd. “Just please go easy on me if the bass sounds a bit wonky. It wasn’t on the job description that I’d be playing songs I didn’t know, with a few hours notice, on not my main instrument.” You say this in a kind of list format, holding up your fingers as you tick off all the ways that this was out of your comfort zone. You scratch your head dramatically after you’re finished and the whole crowd laughs and cheers. The rest of your bandmates chuckle along and Harry nods and smiles at you.

“You’ll do great, love.” He leans into your ear and says without the microphone. Then he winks and turns to go back to the center of the stage. You press your lips together to contain your smile, both happy and concerned about the flip your stomach just did.  

The show is going great. Harry is killing it with the crowd. Everything is electric. You’re entirely focussed on your bass playing, but Harry has been coming over every so often to do something fun or have you tell a joke.

“She’s truly the funniest person I know! And I know a fair amount of people I think.” Harry says as he walks over to you have you tell another joke. Mitch has been looking at you and Harry interacting all night and he’s sure that it isn’t your different position that has him coming over and talking to you so much tonight. Something has definitely changed once again. First the pair of you were always together and having fun, then it was silence and stolen glances that neither of you realized you were taking, now it was back to the beginning.

“That’s because you think puns are part of the top tier levels of comedy.” You say easily, “Here, I can guarantee Harry will love this and the rest of you will likely groan.” Then you stop and act as if you’re thinking for a little, everyone’s waiting expectantly. “Sorry, thinking...Well, I’ve got some skeleton puns I could do, they’re very humerus or y’know classic vampire ones..eh but those ones kind of suck. What do you think, Harry?” You look out at the crowd, face deadpan, as Harry laughs beside you. You roll your eyes playfully and push him back to the center of the stage. Leaning into your own mic now, you say, “I told you.” That’s when everyone laughs. Harry throws another look at you over his shoulder and laughs a little more, his smile wide and eyes bright.

A little over half way through the night, it’s time for ‘to be so lonely’. You already knew the bass chords for it before today and you were confident in yourself by now. It wasn’t as hard a song so you were happy for the little break. This song allowed you to not be looking down at the notes you had stuck to the floor in front of you. Harry’s voice comes in after Mitch’s intro and you watch the way his lips move against his mic. You laugh a little as you watch the crowd yell the first “arrogant son of a bitch” line. You used to not particularly like when people did that, but after it had ended with Harry you had started to enjoy it a bit more. Having those people yell the words you couldn’t, but truly felt about him sometimes, was cathartic. Tonight you weren’t angry with him, but you enjoyed the energy in the room when everyone said it. We’ve all got our own ‘arrogant son of a bitch’ that we want to scream at sometimes. Tonight yours wasn’t Harry for the first time in a long time. The song moves along and Harry takes the microphone off its stand, he walks towards your side of the stage. When the lyrics get to:

“I miss the shape of your lips, your wit, it’s just a trick, this is it so I’m sorry”

Harry isn’t looking at the crowd, he’s looking straight at you. You don’t understand the way he’s looking at you. Or maybe you don’t want to understand it. This song, its lyrics, explains Harry really well. You saw the relationship you had with him in the words. Maybe not precisely, but a part of it was in it. Harry had unknowingly foretold your lives with his words. You know he has trouble connecting and committing, you know his issues, and you accept them. But you knew what had happened between the two of you was far more serious than meaningless sex and you knew Harry couldn’t bring himself to be that serious. He ran off and that was fine, but the face that he couldn’t even apologize hurt you the most. But the song lays it all out for you, he’s not one to be able to apologize quickly. The fact that he looks at you and means the apology he sings in the song for you, it’s a big step, but it’s not enough. The banter, the technical apology, it was all a good start, but it’s just that - the beginning. If Harry wants to make things better with you, a lot more needs to be discussed. So when you sing backing vocals for the following chorus you mean the words for Harry completely.

“Don’t call me baby again, you got your reasons, I know that you’re trying to be friends. I know you mean it, but don’t call me baby again it’s hard for me to go home and be so lonely”

His eyes flick to you again and see your lips moving around the words as you play the bass. He sees the emotion in your face and understands what you’re saying. It’s hard for you to go to your room at night and be alone while he’s out with someone else. It’s hard for him to act like everything’s all fine and perfect, back to normal, because for you it isn’t really. He can’t call you ‘love’ and tell the world you’re funny and expect it to be enough. He can’t sing his sorry that was initially for someone else to you and expect you to accept it. And he knows it, too.

After the show everyone decides they’re exhausted and need to rest before tomorrow. You all planned to celebrate the whole day and you knew it was going to be a wicked Halloween. Knowing this, you’re surprised with the knock on your door after about an hour of being back at the hotel. You’ve given up the habit you had once hoped to cultivate and swing the door open haplessly. Truly having no idea who to expect, you are still surprised to find the man standing before you.

“Mitch.”

“We need to talk.” He stares down at you, his shoulders slumped from tiredness.

“Come in,” you usher him in when you hear the urgency of his voice. He saunters in before you and you close the door. You move to the small couch in the room and sit down. Your hands gesture for him to sit as well, but he shakes his head. He stays standing and brings a hand up to smooth his hair back on the right side. His eyes staying on the floor and flickering up to you every so often.

“What is going on with you and Harry?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh come on Y/N. You’re seemingly best friends with him for a good portion of tour, then you’re barely on speaking terms for the second half, now you’re joking around again. What is going on?”

You sit there in a stunned silence, “I don’t know what to say.” Your arms go to hug your body, feeling anxious about being confronted about this topic.

“Were you seeing each other?” His voice is soft, eyes taking in your body language and knowing it’s a difficult topic.

“I wouldn’t put it like that…”

He holds back the ‘I knew it’ statement because of  how sullen you look, b..ut in his mind all of the pieces he had watched unfold came to fit in a perfect puzzle. He decides to sit beside you when you don’t say anything else.

“We were having sex,” it felt weird to say it out loud, no one but you and Harry had actually known, “But it ended. I don’t know what today was...but it felt different than how it’s been.”

“Why are you so sad if it was just sex?” He places a hand on your shoulder and your tear-filled eyes meet his. “Oh…” He knows why.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” You sob at his apology because he’s not the one who should be at your door apologizing. You sniffle and lean your head into his chest. He takes you into his arms and holds you as your cries become muffled sounds in his shirt.

You cry without words for a few minutes, Mitch coos some soothing words, his voice soft and kind. He was always a good shoulder to cry on for all of your bandmates, he was extremely strong and you made a mental note to thank him thoroughly when you actually were capable of forming coherent thoughts. “I’ve never told anyone before. It feels so weird even saying it out loud,” you say as you pull back from Mitch’s embrace. You're thankful his shirt is black, no tear stains can be made out.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks gently, gauging your reaction. You wipe at your eyes and nod.

Taking a deep breath, you decide to start from the beginning. “Do you remember the party Charlotte had a week before we left for tour?”

Mitch nods and his eyes widen at what you’re saying as he remembers the night. “It started back then?” He’s unable to contain his incredulous question. He had suspected something, but hadn’t thought it had been going on for that long. He was truly astounded. You nod, “Well sort of,” then you go on to recount the last couple of months. All the way up until the Forum shows. “That night, when I opened Harry’s door and it was you standing there...Harry and I didn’t have anything to discuss. It was just…” Mitch nods again. He hadn’t spoken much since you had gotten into the story, wanting to let you be in charge of what you were saying and believing he could probably ask questions at the end. “Then the next night he blew me off for his date with that model and I cried in the elevator because I knew what was going to happen next.”

“So that’s when it ended?” Mitch asks when you don’t speak for a rather extended period of time.

“Yeah, the next morning he came over and I asked if they had sex and he said yes so I told him it was over.”

“But I don’t get why he went out with that model. He had told me she wasn’t his type the night before…” Your eyes shot up and looked at Mitch. His eyes widened when he realized what he said.

“What?”

“When we were talking about Canyon Moon, he mentioned that Jeff had tried to set him up with some woman but he had declined. Said he wasn’t interested. I don’t get what changed between then and the next morning.” He figured it was best to put all the cards out on the table right now. You’d be going your separate ways for a while, now that the tour was over and he had seen how unhappy both you and Harry had been over the last part of the tour.

You shift your leg to have it folded beneath you as you continue to stare at Mitch. “He came over after you and him had your meeting,”  you say quietly. Mitch hums, waiting for you to continue this time.

“He apologized for choosing you over me to talk to. Then we slept together, but we didn’t have sex...I think that’s what wigged him. It had felt too real, sleeping in the same bed with me without having sex beforehand made it feel like something more than just two people fulfilling needs.” Mitch nods and sighs heavily. He looks around the room and then back to you, taking in your full appearance. Again he feels terrible for you, how he had felt the second night at the Forum even though he hadn’t known the full story yet. “Now we’re here.”

“Tonight, it felt like he was trying,” Mitch finally said and you smiled sweetly, thinking back to Harry’s behavior. No matter how far from him you were, all those good feelings you associated with him never went away.

“Yeah, it’s been getting better. He texted me once saying he was trying. Then he came out with us one night and it almost seemed like that would be the night he’d apologize, but then he didn’t. Then we started sharing music with each other again. Then tonight… was tonight. It’s just confusing. He’s confusing.”

Mitch smiles sadly and brings you in for another hug and you’re actually so thankful he

showed up at your door. It was your first time telling anyone all of this, because Harry didn’t even know how you felt about some of these things. It felt amazing to be heard and to be told it was okay to be feeling like this.

Pulling back, Mitch says, “He’s definitely different. But his differences are what make him special and that’s why I think he clings to them even if they sometimes can hurt other people. The fact that he’s trying is a good sign. I hope he can find it in himself to make it right between you two because I had never seen either of you happier than when you were apparently together. Especially those few weeks leading up to Los Angeles. Sarah had kept asking me why Harry was so smiley back then. When I had asked him, he had just said “have you ever found something and realized you wanted to keep it with you forever?” I had no idea what he had meant, but I feel like he meant you now.”

Your awestruck at what Mitch has just told you. He was right about the first part about Harry trying to change, but the last bit, that’s what had left you speechless. You turn your body to face the rest of the room and put your chin against your hand as you think.

“Mitch...I have to go.”

He understands what you mean and you walk out of the door with him. He walks down the hall to his room and you walk quickly past the elevator and opt for the stairs. Before you know it you’re running up the stairs, taking two at a time even though you’re not the most athletically inclined. You can’t stand to wait for the elevator and your mind is racing.

You knock on the door that is Harry’s after reaching his floor. It swings open and reveals a confused and sleepy Harry. Thankfully he’s still fully dressed because that would have been a whole other problem you would have if he hadn’t been. You push past him and walk straight into his room without any invitation. He follows behind you, still unsure of why you’ve come here.

“Have you ever found something and realized you want to keep it forever?” You ask him, repeating the words Mitch had just told you.

“Pardon?”

“You told Mitch that about me before we ended things. If that’s how you felt, why didn’t you do what you said?”

Harry sighs as the words register in his mind. The memory of when he had smiled at Mitch so giddily and asked the vague question, his thoughts only of you as he asked it. The shit-eating grin he had plastered on his face after Mitch had looked at him confusedly flitted across his mind. As well as the way he had gone to his dressing room and had a quickie with you after that conversation.

“It’s not that simple…”

“It is, Harry! Why can’t you just be honest with me for once?”

“Okay, fine. You want me to be honest?” you nod at his harsh tone. The two of you standing only a few feet apart. “You have no goddamn idea what you do to me, when I’m around you, I have no control of my emotions or of my thoughts. I pushed you away because I didn’t like feeling out of control. I got out because what had started as a fun time had turned into me longing to be with you every waking hour. I found myself not caring what we did as long as I got to hold you and be around you, but that wasn’t part of the plan.”

“Plans can change, Harry.”

You step closer to him and he meets your eyes. He had left his music playing softly on his phone before he had opened the door so now as the two of you stared at each other, he must have been playing his Etta James playlist because her voice faded out of the song “I’d Rather Go Blind” and straight into “A Sunday Kind of Love”. Harry had shared her At Last album with you over the Christmas holiday of last year and you had decided to listen to her entire discography afterwards, so you knew the songs. The transition was a little too on the nose and you wondered if Spotify ever listened to your conversations.

His emerald eyes examine your face and take inventory of your features, measuring whether anything had changed since he had looked at you this close up. Your hand goes up to cup his cheek and he nuzzles into it, dropping his head closer to you ever so slightly and closing his eyes at the feeling of you.

“I am sorry,” he whispers earnestly as he reopens his eyes.

You can’t take your eyes off of him even if you tried. He looks so soft in the moment, so vulnerable in this light as the music swells in the corner of the room. Etta sings about how she needs a love that is going to last as the pair of you inch yourselves closer together.

“I forgive you, Harry,” you whisper back.

He nudges his head further down and your lips finally press together, slotting back together after months apart. Your lips are eager to press back against their favorite companion. You oblige them, but pull back for a second, just far enough to say, “I will always forgive you, so long as you tell me when you’re scared so we can work through it together.”

He nods, “I promise to never let you go again.” Before taking you back against his lips and gathering your body up in his arms. His lips missing yours just as much.

-

[angy-grrr]

Okay is it just me but isn't this a little bit too depressing for shounen though? So as it stands, Deku lost his powers so now he is Quirkless. He couldn't accomplish his want which was saving Tomura. Nothing has ultimately changed, everything is pretty much the same aside from the villains dying. Ideally, it would be different if this whole build up with the villains had a satisfying pay off at the very least but it aint what happened.

So are we just supposed to care that OchoIzu may become canon and it will be nice at the end? Where is the satisfying pay offs and character conclusions?

Mmmm I think its complicated -definetly more depressing than most shonen bc they usually just end after the big fight with the big evil being defeated and everyone happy. Because Izuku doesn't show his thoughts for a really long time we dont know what he truly feels about any of those things -he said he made peace with the idea of losing OFA, and he was shown caring about being responsible about Tomura's death in order to avoid something like that to happen again, wondering if there are alternatives from what has been going on for decades.

Personally I think this wont end with society changing -or at least completely- but starting to create something new. It would be complicated to show the whole process and the first epilogue chapter implied we would see just the beginning of something, that first motion into action.

I need to know what his planning to do with Himiko -that way, I'll be able to judge better the whole villain and hero change and shift, and their endings. I believe theres a huge opportunity with her to bring interesting conversations around her, villains, heroes, and their society as she can be considered everyone's responsibility/the government's as she is still a kid, while also going into an unexpected route which could add a lot to the league's depth and diversity in terms of endings. Bittersweet still, but it is for everyone.

When looking at the story, I dont see why we should waste time canonizing that ship as it doesn't add anything new to these characters nor their stories -Ochako would be honest about her feelings which is a huge part of her character, sure, but is it really that important to get with him? She accepted her feelings while refusing to let them determinate who she is nor what she wants, and putting them to the side didnt affect her negatively the way ignoring Himiko did. She was able to help him and save multiple people, acting on her own by being inspired by, who? Him who acts impulsively because of his will to be a hero? Or her who acts impulsively because of her feelings? Both?

In any case, I cant see this being satisfying, to get them together as a couple. Izuku doesnt gain anything from this -as far as we know, she isnt his most important person but one of his best friends, and helps him and have a nice relationship, but this doesnt do anything for his character. We didnt see him struggling to tell her his personal feelings or thoughts -on the opposite side, he feels free to do so with no pressure-, so he doesnt overcome or finds something from getting with her. Ochako would just end up what, talking inspiration from Himiko's death to get with a guy they both liked? It sends a nasty message, about her being the "good and nice" girl while Himiko is the "monster" who doesnt deserve to actually get with the people she loves, even tho Uraraka is weird, and she should be allowed to show it -she relates to Himiko a lot, and finds her feelings of love, jealousy, fear, anger and sadness relatable, so why would she want to end up with Izuku, who has a different concept and rejects all of these things so precious to her? All of her development trying to find herself would just go away if the conclusion to her character is "yeah shes sad but hey, he got with the boy, thats good! That's what she was looking for!"

Characters can date while keeping their goals and aspirations in mind of course, but when she did try to act like him and be closer to him like that all she found was failure and a bad feeling, and when she let them go she had more space to wonder about the stuff that matters to her -who saves heroes? What is a villain? Why is she feeling this way with Himiko? Why cant she just act like everyone else? Is she weird? What does she actually want to do?

Focusing the conversation around Toga makes it easier to talk and and answer these questions also finding out about Izuku's perspective, but suddenly going for a confession? I cant see that happening naturally and being satisfying for anyone other than dudebros that dont even care about their "favorite" ship nor the characters.

[reidsnose]

love letters

overview: spencer has a wonderful idea after finding out that reader had never gone to her senior prom

genre: fluff fluff fluff

a/n: i mixed two ideas that have been sitting in my notes app for this lol but i think its sweet!! i wrote it a little rushed and definitely not bc im not getting a prom this year due to miss rona👀 LMAO but as always please lmk what yall think ab it :)

masterlist

-

the idea had fully occupied his thoughts the second after the words left your mouth.

it was "the buttcrack of dawn" as you had called it, though spirits were high on the late jet ride home. it was a rare but much needed positive end to the case, and everyone was happily chatting with each other. since the case was involving high schoolers, the subject fell on prom. everyone went around sharing their prom stories one by one, recalling awful dresses and questionable dates til the questions turned to spencer.

"what ab you, pretty boy, what was your prom like?" morgan asked, still smiling widely from recalling his own.

you watched spencer shift uncomfortably for a second.

"i uh..i never went to prom." he stammered, a tight lipped smile on his face.

"no! you just dont wanna tell us!" prentiss cried, throwing her hands in the air.

"i graduated high school when i was 12! why would i have gone to prom?" he reasoned.

"you had to have gone when you were older or something! everyone has!" jj countered.

"thats not true, i never went to prom either," you defended, subconsciously inching closer to spencer.

before anyone could even ask you to explain why, spencer got the idea. he mentally left the conversation after you gave your answer. he spent the whole rest of the ride home and the next couple of weeks brain storming and planning.

and casually after work one day, as he was walking you to your car, he asked you if you wanted to hang out with him that weekend; at his house.

you and Spencer had hung out before, but mostly at your house or at coffee shops; he didn't invite people over very often.

of course you agreed but you grew confused when he told you to dress fancy.

you raced home afterwards to raid your closet, looking for any fancy dresses you may have stuffed in there.

spencer spent the whole day preparing his apartment. he put up streamers and balloons. he made a playlist of all your favorite songs. and then he rushed to get his clothes from the cleaners.

and when you knocked at his door the breath that left your lungs struggled to come back after he opened the door.

he stood in a gorgeous suit, different than he had ever worn to work. he rubbed the back of his neck and gestured to the living room, revealing the adorable (albeit poorly made but its the thought that counts) decorations.

"um.. welcome to prom," he said, turning back to you, revealing a blushy smile.

he tried not to stare too much at you, but it was difficult. your eyes sparkled as you stepped inside and looked around. and the dress you were wearing fit you so gorgeously he truly couldnt take his eyes off of you.

"spencer, i..." you trailed off, enchanted by what he had done.

"sorry if it looks bad. or if you think its weird that i did this. i just thought cause neither of us went to prom maybe you wanted to have a little one with me? yeah now that i say it out loud maybe you hate it im sorr-" he rambled behind you.

you turned quickly to him as he got lost in his words, eyes glued to the floor. cutting him off by wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him as tight as you could. you could feel the tension leave his body as he melted into the embrace, returning it gladly. he doesn't like to be touched by anyone really, except for you.

"i love it. thank you," you whispered, giving him one last squeeze before letting go.

he has a spread of snacks lying out on the coffee table which he has mooved to the corner of the room to make space for a makeshift dancefloor.

he turns on the music and you two start talking and dancing and laughing. two fools with four left feet completely and obliviously in love. well, oblivious the the other anyway.

a slower song came on, an old one that you had wanted to slow dance to ever since you were a little girl. and somehow naturally you two came together, his hand dropped to your waist, the other delicately cradling your own. your other hand found its way up to his shoulder, feeling as though a magnet was pulling you two closer. and closer.

he looked absolutely stunning. the soft lights he had strung around the apartment sparkled like stars in his eyes; its was...dizzying, in the most incredible way.

unbeknownst to you, as you stared at the stars in his eyes he was looking at his whole world that he had been somehow lucky enough to hold in his arms.

he held his arm out, allowing you to spin and when he pulled you back both of your arms ended up wrapped around his neck, and his around your waist. you were less dancing now and more...hugging. with your head pressed to his chest, he hoped with all his might that you wouldn't be able to hear his hammering heart. you most definitely could, but it was calming to know he was as nervous as you were. you smiled, listening more to his heart than the music he had played for you.

you were both sure that you could burst from pure bliss. the song ended a little too quickly for either of your liking and reluctantly you let go of each other. and suddenly Spencer was hit with the realization that he forgot something.

"oh my gosh," his eyes widened as he looked around the room.

"what?" you asked, mirroring him and looking as well.

"i can't remember where i left your corsage! i was gonna give it to you at the door but i forgot!" he exclaimed, running around the room checking shelves.

you smiled to yourself. he got you a corsage!

"ill help you look" you decided.

"please do," he chuckled.

"i thought you had an eidetic memory, shouldn't you know where you left it?" you joked, shooting him a smug smile.

"y/n, my brain was all jumbled to day and it wasn't just from being around you," he realized what he had said and quickly turned back to the shelf he was looking at, "could you check in my room please?"

his heart was racing at his own stupidity; how could he just say that so nonchalantly? he had been planning to tell you that he liked you for the longest time he cant afford slipping up and having it be anything less than perfect.

you slipped into his room, your cheeks warm from the idea that you make his big brain all jumbled. he probably didn't mean it like that, you were just looking too much into it.

you sighed as you crouched to look under his bed for it. you found a small wooden box that you slid out from underneath. it had your name on it.

is it normal to keep a corsage in a wooden box? you wouldn't know, you never went to prom.

you shrugged your shoulders, "i found it spence!"

with out thinking you opened the box, except instead of a band of flowers you were greeted with letters, all addressed to you. there were annotations written in the margins with purple ink. you furrowed your eyebrows as you scanned the various letters.

dear y/n,

today you complimented my glasses and my heart skipped a beat. thats dumb spencer dont start like that

dear y/n,

im in love with you. too forward

dear y/n,

you make life worth living. shes gonna think youre a creep

you felt a rush of euphoria fill your chest. did he really feel these things for you? your thoughts swirled in the most wonderful way. a wide smile broke across your face, butterflies running rampage through your stomach as you reread his words. his words addressed to you.

"oh thank God i really thought i lost-oh. oh no." spencer started as he walked through the door of his room immediately walking back out. you followed, blinking your watery eyes at him. "i can explain.

"i think youve explained enough, theres like 20 letters in here!" you chuckled, flipping through them.

"i didnt know how to tell you and i dont want to ruin what we already have and i-"

"it wasnt too forward." you stated, grabbing one of the letters.

"what?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"in this one," you held up the letter, "you wrote dear y/n, im in love with you. and then you crossed it out and wrote that it was too forward but i dont think it was."

"youre not mad?"

"mad? spencer ive been trying to admit the fact that im in love with you since i realized it myself, why would i be mad?"

"youre..you feel the same way?" he looked back up at you, a hesitant smile pulling on the corners of his lips.

"more so," you beamed, stepping closer.

he wrapped his arms around you, "thats good or else the rest of this prom would have sucked."

you chuckled, pulling him impossibly closer to you as another perfect song played.

-

-

ultra mega super cool taglist

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @sonnydoesrandomshit @averyhotchner @laurakirsten0502 @reidyoulikeabook @rem-ariiana @spencerreid9 @vampire-overlord @takeyourleap-of-faith @spenxerslut @violetspoetic @aperrywilliams @b-a-utiful @eevee0722 @srhxpci @reidemandweep @imdefinitelyfloating @random-human-person @gurkiloni @luvspence @calm-and-doctor @ssavanessa22 @singularityjc @sydnee-kom-spacekru @sydneekomspacekru

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

So some stuff has come up and i dont think i'll personally be able to finish RWBY March. But ive been building a headcanon list for a while, so i guess now's the perfect time to share it!

General (main cast)

Nora refers to JR/JRO as "the boys" (canon?) but to RWBY as "RWBY" (canon?)

Pyrrha was insecure about her height (6'). The only one who knew was Nora. Nora's not insecure about her height (5'1") she's just mad at it

Weiss is also mad at her height. And Yang used to be insecure about hers in middle school

Everyone has carried Nora at least once. Whether because they wanted to or she forced them or they had to drag her out of something

Salem is colorblind (either by birth or by Grimm Pond dive)

Blake once licked her whole hand and then used that hand to push Ruby's hair back. No one will let her live that down

Sun likes to play with other peoples hair and clothes and gets really happy when they do it back (grooming is a important social aspect for primates). This behavior makes people think he's dating either Blake (who gets it) or Neptune (who's used to it and just lets him do what he wants)

At Beacon Blake wouldnt let anyone touch her hair out of fear they would move her ribbon or they would notice her cat ears. She actually really likes brushing or braiding her own or other people's hair

Pyrrha has a scar on her neck. Thats why she's always covering it. She always admired Weiss for walking around with hers on full display

Blake hung out with Sun and Neptune a lot in V2/V3. Thats why she knew Neptune was afraid of water

Emerald has never kissed anyone

Mercury went to school

Mercury was always a quiet kid. When he was talkative it was because he was having fun or being mean

Emerald dresses the (almost) exact way that Yang does but if anyone drew the same first conclusions about her that she did about Yang she would be very upset

Salem stopped going by "Princess Salem" after her rescue, only bringing it up if it would help a situation her and Ozma were in. She started somewhat going by it again when she was recruiting her army. She didnt go by "princess" again but she did go by "queen" and "goddess" after her false god stint

Faunus in General

Bc they need more animal characteristics outside 1 physical trait and goodish night vision

Faunus senses are a lot stronger than humans (other than sight*, which is equal to or less) *its canon they have night vision, so this is in regards to normal daytime 20/20 sight

Most faunus' can smell other faunus, down to the species-type (is there a word for that?)

Theres an old wives tale that the more human DNA you have, the weaker the strength of your senses are

Faunus who marry other faunus tend to end up with a spouse of the same or similar species-type. (Theres no socialital push its just statistics. Like how ppl tend to marry other ppl from the same backgrounds or class as them)

Depending on the species-type, some faunus have internal characteristics that allow them to: growl/howl (vocalcords/voicebox), have a higher bite force (jaw muscles), etc

There are stereotypes surrounding species-types. Cat-types like fish, primate-types will go through your stuff, rodent-types are short, that faunus who resemble solitary animals avoid social situations, etc

There are ridiculous rumors that faunus have a mating season/go into heat and that they lay eggs instead of giving birth

Perfumes and other scented things created and used by faunus are made differently, since their sense of smell is so strong. Walking into a human mall can be very disorienting because of the strength of human perfumes/candles

Animals were named after the types of faunus, not the faunus after the animal

STRQ

The partners were Summer x Taiyang and Raven x Qrow

Raven is also a alcoholic

Raven and Qrow started drinking at a young age and drank fairly often at Beacon (Tai wasnt complaining then but he complains now)

Both of them became functioning alcoholics well before anything truly bad happened (ex. Summer's death or Raven's exile)

Everyone has tattoos

STRQ has one matching tattoo, they were all suppose to get partner tattoos but instead only Summer and Tai got them while Raven and Qrow got completely different tattoos (they're already twins and will already be tied together for the rest of their lives by Raven's semblance. Plus they'd never agree on one)

Raven has a portal to Ruby

Tai married Qrow first while they were in the Remnant version of Las Vegas for a mission. They were drunk and thought it would be a hilarious thing to lord over Raven. And it was ("i shouldve stayed married to Qrow", "hey, Tai put a ring on my finger before he ever put one on yours!", "you see, my sister married my ex-husband, which means she was the second choice", "well, for your information, i have married every member of my team")

[nastyburger]

the tucker ghouly gang!

i promise you this is the least sad out of all the stories i know you guys dont trust me after mourner bUT TRUST ME

anyway, tucker’s ghost story! danny’s parents built the portal and it doesnt work as always. sometime in the morning the next day, danny goes into the portal by himself (no sam or tucker present), accidentally hits the switch, and.........nothing happens! being unable to find or fix the problems of the portal, danny just leaves and goes on about his day until his friends come over.

sam and tucker arrive later for a sleepover, they eat, play games, normal teenager stuff well into the night. the trio tries to sleep, but danny is kept up. he really wanted to figure out what was wrong with the portal and get it to work. his parents have been working on this project practically his entire life, and now the thing wont even turn on?! not to mention he was just plain curious about what was on the other side. the others notice their friend’s plight and so danny relays what happened earlier that day and his grievances about it. after mentioning how danny hit an on/off switch only for nothing to happen, tucker suggests that the button might’ve been wired wrong.

tucker, knowing his way around wiring electronics, offers to check out the portal. danny allows this and the trio all sneak down into the basement, still in their pjs. tucker picks up a few tools from the fenton lab, works on rewiring, danny and sam watching from outside. eventually, tucker is successful in the fix. but the gang forgot to unplug the portal/turn off the electricity so when tucker puts everything in place it turns on and you know the rest.

(not terribly important, but danny’s pjs is a simple black t-shirt with starry print pajama pants and sam’s would be a green pajama set ((the kind with a button up shirt and the same pattern over the whole thing)) with a white grid pattern. tucker’s pajama’s was a superhero onesie type thing, the circuit patterns on it being reflective material. as his ghost outfit, the circuit patterns now light up/appear when he uses his electricity powers. they are otherwise hidden.)

the fentons, sleeping upstairs in their room, rush down to the lab hearing all the commotion. by this time, tucker was already out, transformed back, and had an activated portal. their cover up story was that tucker only rewired something on the outside of the portal and in no way walked into the the thing. either way, needless to say jack and maddie grounded the trio (technically only danny was grounded, but the other parents were still definitely called and THEN they were grounded) it was the middle of the night though so they were at least allowed to finish their sleepover. the trio goes back up to danny’s room and basically just take their time working out that new ghost shit.

fast forwarding with ghouly’s origin story out of the way! this tucker is not really specifically based on any spiderverse character (even if some aspects of noir and ham are pulled for the “ghouly persona”) so none of those factors affect his story. if anything, how stuff plays out in his universe is probably closest to canon out of everyone else (just most of the trio roles being swapped) so theres not as much to explain.

though, i will say a lot of tucker’s lesson as a half ghost revolve a lot more around self awareness and becoming more humble, pulling back that self-centered attitude back a bit. its good to have confidence but dont let it go to your head type lessons! the way he learns to control his electricity powers play into this. while everyone else has to learn how to pull power from their core (like how canon danny needed to learn how to release his energy, even when it was building up so much to the point of becoming unbearable), tucker’s powers flowed more freely and never really needed to be taught how to unlock/tap into this ability. the lesson he needed to learn for his powers was how to reign in and control it.

as pointed out multiple times in previous asks, tucker and danny are dating in this universe! they probably got together the fastest out of everyone else with their respective romantic interest, so about half of ghouly’s “episodes/ghost career/whatever you want to call it” have them together. (tucker’s timeline isnt EXACTLY the same as in canon but for simplicity sake lets say it is) i would put their relationship being established sometime after ghouly’s version of doctor’s disorders and pirate radio or something like that. just as an estimate.

i didnt talk about sam too much in this universe even though i really wanted to and couldnt really fit it anywhere else so im tacking it on here at the end lmao. sam here is a plant nerd! where canon tucker frequently helps out with his hacking skills, this sam equips herself with a lot of natural remedies, powders, pastes, all sorts of stuff to impede ghosts. carries around her own concoction of blood blossom in a similar form of pepper spray as her main deal most likely. she also uses a lot of her plants to treat wounds as well! overall she’s just a cute little botanist nerd that could mix up some pretty dangerous poisons if she wanted to lol.

[hometownrockstar]

why do none of those 5 hour-long "monumythos EXPLAINED!!!" videos ever bring up the cornerfolk videos? like theyre right there why are u ignoring them i dont get it... ...ok i just checked and theyre not actually in the season playlists, which is obviously what theyre talking abt when they say "season 1" and "season 2" (first time i heard seasons i was like ???) bc when i watched it i went to videos and watched em in order of release lol

anyways imo the cornerfolk videos could be related to the whole story, as my theory when watching it was: monumythos is about alternate universes, but our universe is not physically apart of it, ASIDE from the cornerfolk ones. like ppl say its like this, there are two universes, the deanverse and the nixonverse, and the nixonverse is our real world universe. except i think of it as the "nixonverse" being more similar to our world in the minute details, but still having the crazy things in the monumythos deanverse like the special trees that allows interdimensional travel to be possible, i.e. not our real world. which i know sounds dumb, cause the assumption its our universe is inherent to the suspension of disbelief of the genre. but i have a point here. instead there are THREE universes, where ours is the one with no special trees or anything, but we still are observing the monumythos through alex kansas' videos.

my evidence: in the cornerfolk videos, the alternate universes are established through horizontal-vertical lines. but in virginiainwonderland, to travel between universes its just horizontal, so OUR world would be the 3rd side, or the vertical line. the rest of my hypothesis is a little fuzzy since theres not MUCH info, but my initial idea was that the creator of the 2nd cornerfolk videos (cornerbaby and cornergirl) are NOT made by our alex kansas, but by an alternate universe alex kansas (alex cansas?) as evidenced by the description and text in cornergirl and how theres no "a short film by alex cansas" at the end, and he IS Riley Tillon, and our alex kansas is basing his experiences of interdimensional travel on him. or, perhaps... "our" alex kansas traveled through the corners and replaced the original one, hence the name discrepancies.

this was also my reasoning, while watching, why there are weird date and detail discrepancies such as the "20 washington absentees -> 19" or how it covers both virginia's recovery in 2003 as WELL as her death in 1980. my hypothesis was that alex is somehow able to make videos and compile info from BOTH UNIVERSES at the same time, and somehow we are able to view both. again this is all a little spotty but its just what i personally thought of during my initial watch and was confused why nobody talked abt the corner videos. i like the cornerfolk i thought they were cute