#theres some stuff like N’s team changing with the area

[perenlop]

finally watching those videos on bw’s story that drake sent me since i was thinking about it last night and good god it’s cathartic. i love engaging with good faith criticism for once

[yyxgin]

no bar!! never fret about replying late. i know what it’s like to not want to talk to anyone. honestly. i won’t call it (my experience) a depressive episode bc one of my friends used to brush off me when i was saying things like i’m depressed and say ‘sad’ instead. like if i were to say ‘that made me/i am depressed’ she’d say something like ‘oh god same! like if it’s making you sad,, don’t do it.’ which is a v poor example of what she did but i never called it depressed after that bc she pissed me off n was disregarding of my feelings (even though she’s incredibly anxious herself) bc i didn’t get it officially diagnosed. idk if you’ve ever read about birth control pills but i always read on tumblr people calling them literal depression pills and i ignored it, thinking either 1) people were being dramatic / were over-dramatising it or 2) it wouldn’t happen to me anyway. it fucking happened and they were not being dramatic. i was never happy n always working on minimal sleep n making self depreciating jokes all the time bc it was the only way i could cope with my thoughts n constant mood swings. so what i’m trying to say is,, i know how it feels. if that’s any consolation. it’s not me trying to be ‘oh me too!’ or ‘mine was worse than you’ it’s just me being understanding n telling you it’s okay. also lemme at your friends!! i’ll stomp them out n get the barman to run them over for you!! they’re so mean to forget you!! i find that deciding i want to do something specific n then asking the appropriate people if they want to do saïd thing/place works for me. it can be a simple ‘we should do this, when are you free?’ helps. making it known that you want to do things helps. or aggressively remind them that it’s nice to be asked bc it means they thought of you even if you couldn’t go n tried to include you. or we can revisit me stomping them out w my beloved barman,,, whatever works best for you my dear <3

admittedly me and one of the girls were discussing that we are going to miss our manager. even though literally everyone moaned about her (i feel like it’s impossible to avoid in literally any job/situation) she did have her moments and she did a lot for the staff like after work-drinks, asking the chefs if we could order off of the customer menu instead of the staff menu or whatever they cook in bulk for everyone to take home in the evening. apparently she did this a lot more than the previous manager. she has a good heart but sometimes she ignored some of the girls when we ask for days off or our availability for the week which was very annoying of her. it could’ve been a lot worse, i suppose, but overall she wasn’t terrible.

thé lady who lives in my town and drops me given the chance, told me the other night that she used to be the duty manager. i asked her why she stopped and she explained that when they furloughed everyone they asked her to come back on like half pay or something? idk i just remember it being explained as they wanted her to come back sooner and take away her furlough so she said no and got demoted. but somehow she still gets some of the furlough? idk i have been taught that asking how much or discussing specifics of paychecks kind of thing is rude, growing up. she has been telling me they keep asking her to come back (now they’re asking her to be a supervisor since she declined the manager role) and she keeps saying no. i love her and want the best for her so i won’t say anything to anyone about the conversations me and her have had (i mean, apart from maybe my mum if i can remember, and you bc, let’s be real, you don’t know me and idk you) and she says they’re just difficult to work with as a management team. she even said our area manager isn’t impressed with our current assistant manager (who is currently the only person on an houred contract since our manager left) which shocked me since i personally think he is quite good considering he has a good relationship with the staff and kitchen (he’s thai so he can communicate with the kitchen better than most of the wait staff (some wait staff are thai but mostly not)) i think she doesn’t want to be the eldest person in management or she doesn’t want the age gap to be so big since she has a kid she can lecture at home, she doesn’t need to be looking after people at work, y’know?

also today, me and one of the girls were upstairs (two floors of the restaurant!) and it’s nearing 11pm and her brother (who also works there) comes up and asks us when we’re finishing (mostly her lol) but we had two tables just sitting talking amongst themselves so she just said idk. he was saying he wanted to go bc he’s tired etc n he’s driving n she was like it’s fine go home i’ll call an uber or something n he was refusing to leave her behind. (i feel like i brushed over the two tables sitting there but it must be noted they’re the only tables left in the entire restaurant and we were the only two wait staff still there, apart from her brother but he changed and was waiting downstairs). anyway, she was sweeping (i was cleaning the booth/sofa thingy chairs as it was a mundane task we could do to pass time and while she was sweeping by one of the tables thé boyfriend was whispering to his girlfriend saying ‘should we go?’ and the girlfriend said ‘why should i care?’ and the girl came over to tell me v quietly and i got so upset for her. bc she is literally the sweetest person on the earth and the only reason i didn’t go to ask the manager to see if i could go home with the lady who offers to take me (ex-duty manager lady!) was so she wasn’t alone up there. if i had been the one sweeping near that table i would’ve snapped so fucking hard at them. i mean, we’re 18 and have lives and sleep schedules, and we’re working until 11pm on a thursday before we even get home?? like i wouldn’t have minded staying if they were reasonable tables but after the gf said that i was like ‘shall i go get our stuff from the staff room?’ so i could split as fast as possible. in the end the temporary acting manager came up and told us we could finish and she kicked the tables out ten minutes later. i told her what the table saïd and she thought that was mean and unnecessary too. i was also worried about my sleep tonight since i have my first vaccine tomorrow morning. that’s why i was more pressed about what time i left work today. oh well.

im sorry for talking so much about work! sometimes i don’t have someone to talk to about it (at home) bc of my weird hours and sometimes i don’t like re-explaining things to my mum if she doesn’t get it the first seven times. sometimes it’s just a little too draining as she doesn’t understand since she’s a lifer at her job. it’s easier to explain to my dad but then i get a whole lecture on something that i ultimately have no control over n id rather just bitch w the girls at work but the problem is WE’RE AT WORK!!!

also i booked for my first tattoo!! i’m excited. it’s for next week,, which was super quick considering i was expecting to have to wait soooo much longer. i’ve been telling people about it and that it’s happening but i haven’t had the pleasure of telling people exactly where i got the idea from. bar, my dear, you know wheein’s new album, redd? well, it comes with loads of things, including these stickers (one for each song) and the one from springtime was just so perfect and when i saw it my first thought was, this would be a perfect tattoo. and so i am having it tattooed on my body. a subtle nod to kpop whilst also having something meaningful on my body. i also have just decided i want a small, minimalistic (or one-line art) rose on my sternum, kind of in the valley of my breasts, bc my nan was a rose. i like having her close to me. i recently got her necklace fixed which has left me feeling so incomplete after it broke in august last year. it’s been almost ten years and i think i’m long overdue something to remind me of her. i fiddle with my necklace when i’m nervous which is why i love it so much but incase it breaks again (i pray it doesn’t but i have a long life ahead of me) i would like her close still.

gosh there’s never enough space in my head to remember what i want to tell you so i’ll stop here for now since i should sleep to be able to wake up in time for my first jab. i’m scared but it’s whatever i’ll do it i suppose,, eeek 😨

ilyl ~ 🌻

thank you so much for opening up to me about this, it means a lot to me :( i am so sorry you had to go through this and honestly,, i really resonate with you. i feel like when i talk about my emotions and my sadness (dont know if its okay to call it depression either but yea), my friend either always either makes me feel like my emotions arent valid or she tells me she doesnt know how to help, which is frankly, why i dont talk about my emotions to people irl anymore. i dont open up and it takes me a long long time to do so if i ever do, because i tend to feel insecure/not safe :D so really, thank you for telling me and i hope you are doing better. your emotions are valid and i am always here for you 

HAHAHA i mean i dont have many friends so theres not many to stomp on:( but i mean,, i get passive aggressive when i feel forgotten/left out so you best believe i told my friend how im feeling, but like uhhh it didnt do much. i spent the whole weekend at work and i was free on friday but my friend decided to ditch me and yeah. i havent been out in like two weeks now and i mean i am an introvert so i dont mind that much but even i want to socialise sometimes

aah i mean every manager has their flaws, no one’s perfect. my manager keeps calling me to go to work even though i was literally there for 11 hours on saturday AND sunday which means i worked for 20 hours in two days. and i work 20 hours a week at max. and i already worked some hours before the weekend so i think i have like 30 hours now and she keeps calling??? dude i need a break too,,i am so exhausted and tired of this shit :dd

oh i totally get what the lady that drops you off sometimes told you. i would feel a little iffy if i heard it too, but like,,,judge by your own experiences!! if you feel like something is off, you can always leave,, so i wouldn’t be so stressed about it.

why are people so rude ??? dude,,you should care, because we are all human. everyone has their needs and their lives and i bet he wouldnt like it if he was the one in your place. why should you stay there longer just because he didnt want to leave?? that was so unnecessary. people are weird beings and i learnt that after working with them this weekend,,,like i litereally got screamed at because i couldnt accept cash in different currency. like,,what tf do you want me to do?? i dont have every single currency with me so i could give u the change ?? tf ??

ALSO ITS OKAY TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT !!!! i also feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about work bc my parents dont listen to me as much as they used to these days and my friend unsurprisingly just doesnt care bc she doesnt work,, and i dont wanna talk to my internet friends abt it as much bc i feel annoying so i am glad us two can talk about these things together !!!! 

YOUR FIRST TATTOOOO WHOAAAH thats so cool. i love tattoos hihi dfkja idk if u already had the appointment but tell me how it went after !! i wasnt able to find the sticker on the internet but im sure it looks hella pretty. also i love how it reminds you both of kpop and your grandma, its wonderful <3 i really want to get a tattoo one day,, and i also want something meaningful (not that i am hating on people that tattoo themselves just for fun and have no meaning behind their tattoos i just have commitment issues so i want something long lasting). alSO my crush (yes i have a crush now ew) has a tattoo and it looks like satan lowkey,,but apparently its a japanese something (i forgot the word oopsies) and it means jealousy, bad past and wisdom ?? i was like BOY IF U DONT??? fjdkla he has blue hair btw i am very much whipped but he also doesnt know me and i am older than him so this is embarrassing

ALSO I HOPE YOURE FEELING WELL AFTER GETTING THE VACCINE !!! 

ily <333

[calumcest]

i took a walk with my fame down memory lane (i never did find my way back) - chapter four

[ao3]

is it technically tuesday? yes. are we going to talk about that? no. everybody lives in at least gmt-1 now suck it up 

@tirednotflirting yet again...i cannot sing your praises enough for reading this ENTIRE fucking thing!! although it looks a bit different here to how it looks on the google doc because its not in bold and theres no ‘finishh’ in sight nor my insane random words that i write down when i know exactly the words i want to say but i’m too lazy to write them. am i the worst writer known to man? possibly

we are getting to the juicy stuff now...its quarter to fucking malum o’clock...

also if you saw the title of this chapter before i went to check you didn’t see it. close your eyes 

By the time Calum wakes up the next afternoon, they’re already halfway back to Manchester, somewhere on the M40. Predictably, Liam's up, vibrating with that impatient energy he’s always got when he can’t snort or drink it away, and Calum’s the second one to rise, padding into the lounge area sleepily, yawning loudly and rubbing his eyes. His head’s fucking pounding, and his mouth is dry and disgusting, but Liam, because he sometimes is the angel his doe eyes and full lips make him out to be, has already put out a cup of water and two paracetamols for him. 

“How the fuck are you never hungover?” Calum grumbles, throwing himself down on the sofa next to Liam and nestling into his side as he downs the paracetamol. 

“Luck of the Irish,” Liam tells him, resting his cheek on Calum’s head. Calum makes a noise of discontent and turns to press his face into Liam’s shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut like it’s going to stop his head from hurting. 

“You deserve a hangover,” he mumbles. “You were off your fucking head last night.” 

“And you weren’t?” 

“Never said that.” Liam huffs out a soft laugh. 

“Nearly fainted in the fucking toilets, you did.” Calum scowls. 

“Fuck off,” he says, as his memory flashes back to last night - yeah, he did almost fucking faint in the toilets, but that was only because- and then his eyes fly open, because fuck. Jesus fucking Christ. 

Michael. 

“Our kid barely even made it back to the bus last night,” Liam says, and it’s just meant to be casual conversation, maybe a little contemptuous, but it makes Calum’s lungs collapse in on themselves with guilt. 

He’d spoken to Michael. He’d come to some sort of a fucking understanding with Michael, something he can’t quite remember and doesn’t quite understand. Fuck, he might have even called Michael pretty. Jesus Christ. He’s fairly certain any and all of that goes against his promise to Noel. 

“Oh?” he says, when he remembers to speak. Liam just hums, and Calum tries not to exhale too shakily as his mind races. 

It’s not his fault, he tells himself. Not really. He’d been there first, hadn’t he? Michael had been the one to walk up to him, and the one who hadn’t walked away. And sure, maybe Calum had been the one to strike up conversation, but it hadn’t exactly been friendly, had it? And Michael had been the one to ask questions, to change the topic, and to level the playing field when Calum had accidentally let something slip. Plus, Calum had been drunk and high, so he can’t really be held accountable for his actions, can he? 

Liam’s still talking, but Calum’s not listening, and it doesn’t even matter because Liam cuts himself off when Tony stumbles into the lounge area, bleary-eyed and yawning. There’s no paracetamol set out for him, and Liam makes no move to get any. 

“I’m looking forward to a fucking break,” Tony says a little hoarsely, and flops down on the sofa opposite Liam and Calum. 

“Fucking when?” Liam says. “We’ve got Top of the Pops in two days.” Tony groans, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. 

“Fucking Top of the Pops,” he mumbles. “Why the fuck did we agree to that?” 

“For the money,” Liam says. 

“Don’t even get to play the fucking drums,” Tony says, muffled by his palms. 

“Thank fuck for that,” Liam mutters.

  -------

  Top of the Pops is exactly the bland, boring nightmare Calum expects it to be. 

They’re shepherded into some kind of studio for a rehearsal and informed that they’ll be recording a live track then and there which will be mixed together with the album version, and none of them will actually be playing live. Liam’s having absolutely fucking none of it, and for once neither is Noel, and Calum, Bonehead and Tony all decide to step back and enjoy the show that is both Gallaghers on the same team for once. 

After a lot of shouting, swearing and a few threats of violence, it’s decided that they’ll go ahead with recording the backing track but Liam will sing live. Noel’s absolutely fucking furious about not being allowed to play live, but it’s almost entirely forgotten when he sees the setup for the stage - Tony on drums in the front, Calum and Bonehead on a step behind him, and Liam and Noel on another step right at the back. The BBC aren’t budging on that, though, despite Calum, Bonehead, and Alan all weighing in to agree that it’s fucking stupid to have the stars of the band stood right at the back, and a nasty row breaks out between the Gallaghers and the production team, ending in Calum having to move at the speed of fucking light when he sees Liam tense into the all-too-familiar I’m going to fucking deck you stance. A lawsuit with the BBC is still well beyond their budget, no matter how well the singles have been doing. 

Calum manages to talk Liam down, and Liam manages to talk Noel down, and they’re only ten minutes behind schedule by the time that the brothers have reluctantly agreed to do the show, which is pretty good going for them. They trail to the stage to the sound of screaming and cheering, which makes Calum’s head spin a little bit as he picks up his unplugged bass. They’re really fucking making it now, he thinks in awe, as he looks out at the sea of excited faces and spots a few white Oasis shirts. They’re really fucking doing this. 

They get set up and pretend to play Shakermaker, and Liam sounds fucking gorgeous, like he’s making a point to the producers, and Noel slings his arm around Liam as they walk off, a protective, proud gesture that Liam grins at and leans into. They’re fucking unstoppable, Calum thinks, as he trails after them, Noel’s arm tight around Liam and Liam stumbling over his own feet as he tries to press as close to Noel as possible. The two of them on the same side is a fucking sight to behold.

They’re at a hotel that night, and Liam and Bonehead decide they want to go out but Tony and Noel want to stay in, and Calum decides he’s too tired to stay up for the length of time it’s going to take him to find someone willing to fuck him. 

(“What d’you think coke’s for?” Liam says to him, and Calum rolls his eyes.) 

Calum falls asleep almost as soon as his head touches the pillow, and he wakes up early to the sound of Liam stumbling into the room, high and drunk and probably something else, bruises blooming all over his throat and grinning giddily. 

“Good night?” Calum says. 

“The best,” Liam declares, and then passes out on his bed. 

They have to drive back to Manchester that day, though, because they’ve got a show in Leeds tomorrow, so Liam only gets about four hours of rest before Alan’s banging on the door and yelling at them to get the fuck up, lazy fuckers, didn’t I fucking tell you bus call’s at twelve? To his credit, though, he only complains about a hundred times, and stops when Noel rolls his eyes, holds his arms open and lets Liam snuggle into him and have a nap while Noel chats to Alan about the setlist for America. 

Calum tunes most of it out, because he’s not fussed about what’s on the setlist and he trusts Noel to pick the best of his own songs, and spends two hours getting absolutely thrashed at chess by Tony. By the time they’re back in Manchester, Calum’s lost a game of chess to literally everybody on the bus, including Liam, who's being taught the rules of chess by Noel and Bonehead as they play, and Calum decides he’s never fucking playing chess ever again. 

(“We’re fucking buying some new games,” he says moodily, when Liam flicks his king over nonchalantly. 

“No need to get so mardy,” Bonehead says, stretching out and grinning at Calum. 

“Fuck you,” Calum grumbles, sweeping all the pieces off the chess board. “We’re getting a game that I can fucking win.” 

“Alright,” Noel says, grinning. “How about Frustration?”)

Calum’s mum has dinner ready for him when he drags himself up the path and into the house, and she fusses over the state of his hair and his clothes and says really, Calum in a disapproving voice whenever Calum uses colourful language to describe exactly what he thinks about the production team of Top of the Pops. Calum rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling when she tuts at him for fondly calling Liam a silly cunt for the fourth time that evening, because it’s nice. It makes him feel like a kid again, but in the best possible way; warm, protected, like someone’s still looking out for him. 

His dad gets back from work around seven, and they sit down to watch the Top of the Pops performance together. Calum’s heart swells with pride when it’s their turn to play, because they look fucking cool. The staging’s still shite, granted, but Liam looks every inch the rock ‘n’ roll star he claims to be, and the rest of them look lazily and effortlessly cool, helped enormously by the fact they’re half in the shadows, lights focused on the Gallaghers. 

Calum’s parents are polite about the song, and he can see they’re beaming with pride, but he can also tell they don’t really get it. It’s okay, he thinks, unable to help the smile that creeps onto his face as he watches his parents watch him on TV. They like jazz. It’s probably for the best that they don’t think it’s good music. 

Calum’s mum switches to some soap opera after Top of the Pops, and his dad grumbles not this again and pulls out his newspaper, but Calum can see his face popping over the top of the paper every two seconds. After three minutes he comments wasn’t Sheila dating Mark last week? She’s not having an affair with Bertie, is she? Calum snorts, and his dad glares at him, opening his mouth to make a defensive remark about how he doesn’t follow this show, it’s absolute rubbish, but then the phone rings. 

“I’ll get it,” Calum says, before anyone has the chance to say anything, mostly to avoid having to listen to his dad’s I’m not watching this, Calum, don’t be cheeky spiel, and his mum just nods absent-mindedly, waving a dismissive hand at him, eyes glued to the TV. Calum heads for the phone in the kitchen, just because it’s the closest, jogging to get there before it rings out. 

“Hello?” he says, when he picks up. There’s silence at the other end of the line, and he frowns. “Hello?” he tries again. 

“Hi.” Calum’s stomach drops. 

“ Michael? ” 

“Yeah.” 

“What the f- how the- what? What? ” Calum’s heart is beating out of his fucking chest, almost covering the embarrassment that’s flaring up as foggy memories of their last conversation drag themselves to the forefront of his mind. 

“Sorry,” Michael says, and he sighs, and Calum can just imagine him running his fingers through his hair, a small crease between his brows. “Fuck, I- sorry. I shouldn’t’ve-”

“No,” Calum says abruptly, clutching the receiver, dreading the fucking dial tone. “No, I just- how did you get this number?” There’s a moment of silence. 

“Only so many Joy Hoods in the book,” Michael says, and Calum exhales, hoping the crackling static of the phone line will hide how shaky it is. 

“Oh,” he says. Michael had sought him out. Michael wants to talk. Michael still remembers his mum’s name. 

“I saw you,” Michael says suddenly, into the uncomfortable silence that’s blossomed between them, neither of them knowing what to say next. “On Top of the Pops.” 

“Yeah?” Calum doesn’t trust himself to say any more, but the question on the tip of his tongue is evident in the eagerness in his tone, anyway. 

“Yeah.” There’s a pause. “Sounded good.” 

“That’s because it’s a backing track.” Michael huffs out a laugh, sounding a little surprised, like he wasn’t expecting it to come out.

“I guess,” he allows. They lapse into silence again, loud and uncomfortable, before Michael sighs. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, and he sounds a little regretful.  “I shouldn’t’ve called.” 

“No,” Calum blurts. “I’m glad you did.” The phone’s warm against his fingers, slippery from his hot, sweaty hands, and he’s clasping it so hard he thinks it might break. He tries to focus on that rather than on what he’s just said, on the knife-edge he feels like they’re poised on, each word a weight that could unbalance them. 

“Are you?” Michael sounds a little doubtful, and a little sceptical. 

“Yeah.” Michael hums, like he’s mulling something over. 

“Do your bandmates know?” Calum’s heart skips a beat. 

“Know what?” 

“That we talked.” At Glastonbury, while you were drunk and high and out of your fucking mind. You called me pretty, by the way. He doesn’t say any of that, but Calum’s mind tacks it on helpfully anyway. 

“Do yours?” Calum says, deflecting, because his stomach’s bottoming out with the sheer weight of the guilt, of the broken promise. Or was it broken? Calum barely remembers, just remembers the look on Michael’s face, the tiny microexpressions, the glassiness of his eyes. 

“No.” Calum inhales sharply, can’t fucking help himself - Michael’s talking to Calum, and the rest of Blur don’t know. That's got to mean something, even if Calum isn't entirely sure what.

“Oh.” 

“Do they know?” Michael asks again. Calum stares at the hob opposite him, weighing up his answer. 

If he says yes, he’ll be lying, and whatever the fuck him and Michael have going on right now is so fragile that one lie like that will send it all crumbling down, pulverise it so thoroughly that it’ll never be able to be built back up again. If he says no, though, he’ll be doing the same to Oasis, to his best mates, to his career.  There's no right answer.

“Not yet,” he settles on eventually, straddling the line between Oasis and Michael. It’s the truth - he hasn’t told them, but they might find out at some point. 

“Are you going to tell them?” Fucking hell. Trust Michael to pick at the loose thread.

“Maybe. I don’t know.” It’s true, and that’s the best Calum can offer him. 

There’s a moment of silence, neither of them really knowing what to say, and it’s fucking gut-wrenching because Calum’s never had that with Michael. He’d never even had to think about what to say with Michael - he’d just existed, just been, and that was always enough. 

“Luke and Ashton asked about you,” Michael says, and Calum’s breath hitches. 

“Oh?” he says. “How are they?”

“Good,” Michael says. “They’re good.” He pauses for a moment, and then adds: “Luke’s a pilot, now. Or training to be, I think. I don’t know. Ashton’s a teacher.” 

“Oh,” Calum says, voice small. Two of his best mates, in an earlier life; two spotty blonde teenage boys laughing on the beach at Calum splashing Michael in the water, shooting each other furtive glances across crowded rooms, getting high just for an excuse to shotgun. A fucking pilot and a teacher. 

“Yeah,” Michael says. 

“Did they ever get their shit together?” Calum asks. 

“What? Oh, yeah. Fuck, has it been that long?” Michael exhales heavily. “They’ve been together for years.” 

“Oh.” Calum doesn’t know what else to say to that. He’s trying to imagine it; a pilot and a teacher, fucking hell. Maybe Luke brings Ashton little gifts from his trips abroad. Maybe Ashton writes Luke postcards while his pupils work. Who does the cooking? Luke definitely doesn’t clean. Or maybe he does. If Michael’s changed this much, maybe Luke has, too. 

“What about you?” Michael asks. 

“What about me?” Calum’s not sure what Michael’s asking. Michael knows what he’s up to - he’s in Oasis, spending all his money on intoxicants, trying to exist alongside the supernova that’s the Gallagher brothers. 

“Y’know.” Calum doesn’t know. 

“I have no id-” 

“Are you seeing anyone?” Michael says it all in a rush, like it’s taken a lot of courage to say it. It probably has, Calum thinks. He wouldn’t have asked Michael. It’s sort of reassuring, actually, makes something a little warm blossom in his chest, because that’s still so Michael . Michael always blurted out questions, always demanded answers, always kept social etiquette and politeness as an afterthought.

“No,” Calum says. He swallows, and then adds: “Are you?” 

“No.” Good, Calum wants to say, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t have Michael like that anymore; he doesn’t have the right. 

“Why did you call?” he says instead. Michael hesitates. 

“I saw you on TV,” he says eventually. That’s not a reason. 

“Why did you call?” Calum presses. Michael inhales, and doesn’t exhale for a moment.  

“I don’t know,” he admits eventually, on a long, heavy  exhale. Calum doesn’t blame him. None of this really makes sense to him either; the fact he feels like this after five years of not seeing Michael, after four years of not speaking to him, after three years of not thinking about him. He’s not sure why he wants this, whatever this is, not sure why he wants more of Michael, not sure why his heart feels drawn to Michael like it’s north and Michael’s south. 

“Yeah,” Calum says, hoping it conveys I understand. 

“I almost reached out,” Michael says suddenly. “A few times. Over the past year, I mean.”

“Why didn’t you?” 

“Didn’t want to.” 

“Why didn’t you tell your band?” 

“Didn’t know how,” Michael says. Calum gets that too; he’d thought about it as well, entertained the idea, turned it over and over in his mind, but he’d never known what to say. I fucked the guitarist from Blur - I was in love with him actually - and I don’t know why I can’t get him off my mind would probably have sparked even worse reactions than the way it had come out did.

“They seem really protective of you,” Calum says. 

“They are,” Michael says, and there’s a small smile evident in his tone. “Not like yours, though. I don’t think all the money in the world could get Graham to start a fight on my behalf.” Calum can’t help the startled laugh that escapes him. 

“I don’t think all the money in the would could get Liam not to start a fight on my behalf,” Calum says, and Michael huffs out a soft laugh. 

"I'm glad you found such good friends," he says, and the smile is ripped off Calum's face at the jarring reminder that they don't know each other anymore. It sounds so distant, like Michael's content with this arm's-length distance between them, two people who used to know everything about each other and are now making polite small talk.

“Yeah,” Calum says. “I’m glad, too.” He can’t bring himself to say what he really means - I’m sorry it was good enough to take me from you. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to say it. 

“I should go,” Michael says after a minute. Calum wants to say no, don’t, stay, but he forces the words back down and nods, still staring blankly at the hob. 

“Yeah,” Calum says. “Me too.” 

“It was-”

“Don’t,” Calum says abruptly, as his stomach twists. It was nice talking to you. It was nice catching up. He doesn’t want to hear the finality of the words, the forced politeness, the jarring dissonance that is the boy he’d known and loved for so long and the man he is now.  

Michael doesn’t say anything for a moment, and then he sighs. 

“Look,” he says. “I- you don’t-” he cuts himself off, takes a deep breath, and starts again. “D’you want my number?” 

“Do I- uh, yeah,” Calum says, a little stupidly, glancing around wildly for something to write on. 

“I’m on tour for the next few months,” Michael says, as Calum snatches up a recipe his mum had left lying out, and an incredibly unsharpened pencil. “But I’ll- y’know. When I’m home.” I’ll call you. He can’t bring himself to say it, and Calum doesn’t blame him. 

“Okay,” Calum says. 

“You got a pen?”

“Yeah.” Michael rattles off a number, some area code Calum doesn’t recognise, something starting 071. He writes it down hastily, hoping he’s heard it right because he doesn’t want to ask is that five like hive or nine like fine , and then rips the corner of the recipe off and tucks it into his pocket. 

“Got it,” Calum says, dropping the pencil onto the counter with a clatter. “071, where’s that?” 

“London.”

“Oh. Uh. Cool,” Calum says. 

“Well,” Michael says, a touch awkwardly. “See you around, then, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Calum echoes. There’s one more moment, the two of them listening to each other breathing, a second suspended in time, and then it’s broken by a click and a dial tone. 

Calum puts the phone down a little dazedly, just as his mum wanders into the kitchen. 

“Who was it?” she asks. Calum hesitates, and she raises an eyebrow, which means he’s lost the opportunity to say oh, just a cold call. 

“Michael,” he says, and her eyes widen. 

“Clifford?” she says. He nods. Who the fuck else is it going to be, Michael the sound engineer that had mixed two fucking tracks in Cornwall? “I didn’t know you two still spoke.” 

“We don’t.” Her face softens. 

“Oh, honey,” she says gently, and Calum swallows. He hasn’t told her yet, hasn’t told her about the awards ceremony and Glastonbury, and somehow, he doesn’t quite want to. She seems to sense it, though, because she just sighs and pulls him into a warm, tight hug. Calum wraps his arms around her, closes his eyes and buries his face in her shoulder. Even though he’s half a foot taller than her, even though she only comes up to his collarbone, it still feels like she’s the one protecting him, like he’s small and cocooned in her arms. 

She lets go after a minute, fussing over him messing up his hair, and he groans at her and ducks out of the way of her meddling fingers, but the warm feeling stays, and when she smiles at him and tells him she’s going to bake him his favourite biscuits tomorrow, he feels seventeen again. 

(Or maybe that’s just Michael.) 

  -------

 July and August pass in the blink of an eye.

After Leeds, they have three weeks off. Calum finally fixes the garden wall, and for the first few days, he finds himself jumping every time the phone rings. It’s never Michael though - most of the time it’s one of the brothers, asking whether Calum wants to go to the pub or get high or go out on the pull, and sometimes it’s Alan, reminding him that he’s got to be here on this day at this time and there on that day at that time and is he writing all this down because he’s going to be responsible for getting Liam there too since Noel’s going ahead this time. 

They go down to London for a few days, record a few new versions of songs and one demo of a new song that Noel’s written but isn’t sure about yet. As soon as he’s heard Liam’s vocals on it, though, his eyes light up, and Calum files the bassline away, because he knows it’s going to be on the next album now, no matter how much Noel’s pretending to hum and haw about it. He can’t fucking let Liam have anything, though, so when Liam comes out of the live room, bright-eyed and desperate for Noel’s affirmation, Noel curls his lip and tells him that sounded fucking shite, Christ, you’re almost as useless as Tony. It culminates in a huge fight that Calum and Bonehead manage to duck out of before it begins, only finding out about it when they get woken by a sombre-looking Alan in the middle of the night and informed they’re all being kicked out of the hotel because Liam’s trashed the bar and Noel’s chucked a TV out of the window of his room that landed on the hotel manager’s car.

They play their first show in America on the 21st - their first show outside of Europe - and it goes well. Noel’s not impressed by the country, having toured there with the Inspirals half a decade earlier, but the rest of them are in fucking awe, and Calum catches tiny, fond smiles playing on Noel’s lips when he sees Liam staring at the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building, lips parted and eyes wide. 

Noel’s finally managed to get his way on Live Forever too, it seems, because they’re shepherded into Central Park a few days later, half of them hungover and half of them still blind drunk, to film a video. The director seems to be even fucking higher than they are, because he comes up with ideas like Liam singing while sitting on a chair nailed to a wall, and the band take it upon themselves to start suggesting ever more ludicrous ideas, just to see what sticks. Liam throws in chucking a bucket of water over Bonehead, and Calum suggests burying the drum kit, and Noel goes why don’t we just bury the fucking drummer? The director thinks that’s a fucking brilliant idea, inspired, creative, and Noel shoots Calum a look and says wow, is that how easy this is? You just fucking randomly suggest nonsense and people just go and film it?  

(He doesn’t bother showing up for most of the second day of filming, and Calum can’t really blame him.) 

They fly back to the UK and play another festival on the 31st of July, and as Calum passes by one of the posters on the way to the stage he does a double take, because Blur are on there. Liam sees him looking, though, and taps the top of the poster wordlessly as he walks past - Sat 30th July. Calum can’t help the way his stomach sinks at that. Michael was here yesterday, and Calum’s here today. Maybe that’s a sign, he thinks. Maybe fate is trying to tell him something.

Live Forever comes out in early August, and people fucking love it. Calum’s getting stopped in the street in fucking Wolverhampton - Wolverhampton - and asked to sign autographs, which makes his head spin. They’re really fucking making it now, he thinks, when he calls his mum from a payphone and she tells him that they’ve had people turning up at the door asking for interviews. This is what the rise to the top feels like, powered by coke and booze and Noel's guitar. 

They play a festival in Sweden which sees Noel, Liam and Bonehead smashing up a hotel bar with the guys from Primal Scream, who they’d met at T in the Park, and Richard Ashcroft, who they’ve known for years, and once again Calum’s woken up in the middle of the night and informed that they’ve been asked to leave - not just the hotel this time, but the country. He’s driven to the police station where Bonehead, Liam and Noel are being held, and has to stand with the harsh lights hurting his eyes while Alan tries to hash things out with the Swedish police, and then the three fucking delinquents come stumbling out, grinning and reeking of alcohol. 

("Are you trying to get arrested in every single fucking country we visit?" Calum asks Liam, as they make their way to the car.

"No," Liam says, "but that's a fucking mega idea, that." 

Shit.)

They have to film another music video in August, but since it’s for Cigarettes & Alcohol Marcus at the record label lets them bargain the video down from a full on shoot to the filming of a live gig at the Borderline in London and hiring a few pretty faces to mingle with them backstage. It’s not bad, Calum thinks, as Liam hands him a beer and grins drunkenly for the cameras. Slap a fucking black and white filter on it and it’ll look almost intentionally dingy. 

A week after that, the album comes out. 

Calum hadn’t really realised what album releases would entail, but apparently, it’s a lot of fucking interviews. The first few are quite exciting - they’re still not that used to interviews; a few radio shows, a few TV shows, the odd magazine - but after days on end of answering the same questions hour after hour, Calum starts joining Liam for his hourly smoke breaks, just for something to liven the mood. 

They play a show in London the day the album comes out, and Calum finds himself scanning the screaming crowd for blonde hair, pale skin, sea-green eyes, a pretty smile, but Michael’s not there. Calum hadn’t really expected him to be - it’s a small venue, and apparently it’s been sold out for weeks - but it doesn’t stop him feeling disappointed all the same, having to turn to the back of the stage for a minute to collect himself. Tony shoots him a strange look over his hi-hat, but doesn’t say anything, and Calum sends up a quick prayer of thanks that it was Tony and not Noel that had noticed. 

The album goes gold in three days - the fastest-selling debut album in British history - but they barely even have time to celebrate because they’re heading to Sweden again the next day and Alan tells them with an unusually stern expression that he’s had to twist a lot of arms to get them back in and they’re absolutely fucking not allowed to get drunk or high or fight anybody until they’ve been in and out of Sweden. Liam moans and bitches about it but accepts reluctantly, spending the entire journey to Sweden yawning and rubbing his eyes and making sleepy conversation until he falls asleep on Noel’s shoulder. 

The show in Sweden goes off without a hitch, and they’re in Dublin the next day - their first Irish show - and the brothers go fucking mental. Calum joins in for a bit but can’t keep up; two Irish Mancunians in Dublin is far too much for his Australian stomach to handle. Belfast is no better, and the day after that they play the Haçienda in Manchester - one of the most famous clubs in their hometown - and after the three-day-binge even the Gallaghers are worn out and sleep for the majority of the two days they have off before heading to Europe and then to Japan. 

Japan is fucking insane. Fans are swarming around them the minute they step off the plane, drunk off the free little bottles of booze, and the crowd sings their songs back at them louder than any English fans ever have done. Calum’s glad he’s not singing, because he gets choked up when Liam steps away from the microphone for a second during Live Forever and the crowd scream did you ever feel the pain in the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone? He sees Liam’s eyes widen, sees the way he swallows before starting the chorus, sees the way his gaze flits to Noel and they hold each other’s gazes for a split second, something that only the two of them can read in it, and his heart swells with pride and love. God, he fucking loves his job, he loves the music, he loves his band, he loves the fans, he fucking loves it all. 

They’re riding off the high of Japan when they get to America again, due to play a whole host of shows throughout the rest of September until the end of October, when it all goes wrong. 

They’re not made for America, Calum thinks. They gets thrown out of a radio show for swearing live on-air; they get in a fight with the bouncers at some famous club in Hollywood; and one night in LA they even get a visit from the police, who arrive with their guns drawn, because Bonehead won’t stop playing Supersonic with his amp on full volume at six in the morning. Noel cackles when he sees them and tells them to fucking go ahead, shoot the cunt, and Maggie, their poor, overworked, underpaid tour manager, rushes out in her pyjamas and bargains with the police, tries to smooth things over. Calum thinks that’ll be it, that’ll be the big story of the tour, but it’s all overshadowed when they get to the Whisky a Go Go, some famous club that they’re told repeatedly it’s an honour to be playing. 

Oasis being Oasis, they’re looking for coke. Someone procures a bag of white powder at soundcheck, and Liam grabs it greedily and starts cutting it into lines as the rest of the band circle around it like vultures, and as it goes up Calum’s nose he thinks fucking hell, this feels a bit fucking different. He shrugs it off, though, and hands the rolled up dollar bill to Bonehead - maybe American coke’s just stronger.  

It hits him like a fucking train. He’s buzzing with the kind of energy that he’s never had from coke before, higher than he’s ever been before, more euphoric, feels fucking unstoppable, but there’s a dirty edge to it, something gritty and nasty that he just doesn’t like. It’s too late, though, because it’s gone down, and he thinks fucking hell - well, at least it’ll wear off in about half an hour.  

It doesn’t. 

He’s sweating, heart pounding in his chest, vision sharp and blurry at the same time when they get on stage. Everyone else seems to be in a similar situation - Bonehead’s eyes are wide and flitting left to right, right to left, and Liam’s jittery and bouncing on his heels. Noel’s somewhere else completely - he starts playing fucking Bring It On Down when the rest of them start up with Fade Away, and he plays the solo of Supersonic during Cigarettes & Alcohol. They have to play Roll With It one-and-a-half times, because Calum’s bass amp explodes a minute in, and Liam starts shouting at the audience after a crowdsurfer knocks his mic stand over, and then starts shouting at Noel for fucking God knows what, yelling at him to fuck off, until he launches his tambourine at Noel, hitting him on the shoulder, and storms offstage as the set ends. 

Calum heads off dazedly, trying to slow his pounding heart and thinking fucking hell, what the fuck was in that coke? The brothers are still yelling at each other backstage, pupils dilated and faces red, and don’t stop yelling as they’re herded into a car to get back to the hotel, are still screaming at each other as Maggie ushers them up the stairs and into their separate hotel rooms. They each shout a venomous fuck you, you fucking cunt at each other before slamming their doors, and Calum, who’s due to room with Liam that night, decides he’d rather sleep on Bonehead and Tony’s floor than brave that. 

He can’t fucking sleep, though. The high just doesn’t stop. He’s so wired, feels so fucking strung out and awful, barely cognisant of what’s going on around him but hyperaware at the same time and he just wants to fucking sleep, just wants to rest. He can’t, though, and neither can Bonehead or Tony, and they just pace around the room, vibrating with energy, muttering what the fuck do they do to the coke over here, eh? every few minutes. 

Time passes so fucking slowly, every minute inching by painfully, and by the time it’s morning Calum’s starting to finally, finally come down. He feels semi-human by the time the knock on their door for breakfast comes, and wrenches it open, still dressed in last night’s clothes, to find a serious-looking Maggie, a crease between her brows. 

“What?” he says, because he knows, he just knows something’s happened. 

“Noel’s left,” she says. Oh. Well. That’s hardly grounds for a face like that. 

“Will he be back for soundcheck?” Calum asks. 

“He’s gone, Calum.” 

“What d’you mean, he’s gone?” Calum’s not quite getting it.

“He asked for his passport and some money,” Maggie says. “And he’s gone.” Calum stares at her. Noel can’t be gone. He might have left, sure, but he can’t have gone.

“Wha’s tha’?” Bonehead calls groggily, from across the room. He’d come down a few hours ago, managed to force himself to sleep, and he sits up in bed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. 

“Noel’s gone,” Maggie repeats, a little louder. Tony turns from where he’s sat in the corner of the room, twisting his fingers this way and that, eyes wide. 

“Gone where?” Bonehead asks.

“I don’t know,” Maggie says. 

“What d’you mean, you don’t know?” 

“He’s gone, Bonehead. Took his passport, took some money, and left.” There’s a moment of stunned silence. 

“Does Liam know?” Tony asks. Maggie bites her lip, and shakes her head. 

“I thought I’d tell you first.” 

“Shit,” Bonehead breathes. “He’s gone? ” Maggie nods. 

“Yeah,” she says. “Suitcase and all.” 

Fuck. 

Fuck.  

“Oh, fuck,” Calum mutters, and sits down on the bed. “He’ll come back, though, won’t he?” 

“I don’t know,” Maggie admits. “He sounded pretty certain about it.” 

“Why the fuck did you let him go?” Bonehead demands. 

“I can’t hold him hostage, can I?” Maggie says. “He’s fucking twenty-seven years old.” 

“Shit,” Tony says. “Oh, God. Shit. ” 

“I’m going to tell Liam,” Maggie says, sounding a little nervous about it. She probably should be, Calum thinks distantly, staring unblinkingly at the carpet. Noel’s gone.  

“I’ll come with you,” he finds himself saying, more for Liam’s sake than Maggie’s. He stands up robotically, completely on autopilot, and follows her out of the room, leaving Bonehead and Tony in shocked silence. 

Liam answers his door on the first knock, already awake and showered, and his face falls when he sees it’s not Noel. Oh, God. The kid’s going to be fucking beside himself. 

“Can we come in?” Maggie says, aiming for sweet. Liam’s eyes narrow. 

“What’s happened?” he says. Maggie hesitates. 

“Noel’s gone,” she says softly, after a moment. 

“Where to?” 

“He’s gone, Liam,” Calum says. The words feel strange on his lips. Noel can’t be gone, not now, not when they’re finally getting somewhere. Not without fucking saying anything to them. 

“Where?” 

“We don’t know,” Maggie says, still gentle, still kind, still trying to soften the blow. Liam looks about five years old, damp hair plastered to his face, eyes wide and shining with something that looks like fear, maybe, or loss, or rejection. Or maybe all of them with a sheen of anxiety. 

“Fuck,” he says, but he doesn’t sound angry. “Is he going to be okay? Is he alright? Did you speak to him?” 

“He just asked for his passport and some money,” Maggie says. 

“But he’s okay?” 

“I- he seemed okay, yeah, but-”

“Okay,” Liam says, like he’s trying to steady himself. “When’s he coming back?” 

“I-” Maggie cuts herself off, and takes a deep breath. “I think he’s gone for good, Liam.” 

Calum can see it, the moment it registers in Liam’s mind, sees it in the way his eyes widen and his lips part, in the panic that rises in his eyes. 

“He’s not,” Liam says, like he’s trying to convince himself. “He wouldn’t fucking do that.” 

“He’s gone,” Maggie says again, softer than before, and then reaches inside her coat pocket. “He left you a letter.” Liam stares down at the folded envelope in her hand, and then snatches it and shuts the door in both of their faces. 

They stand there for a moment, and then Maggie turns to Calum. 

“Well,” she says, like she’s bracing herself. “That could’ve gone worse.” 

“Yeah,” Calum says vaguely, still staring at the door. 

It couldn’t be worse, though. 

  -------

  Alan tells them not to worry, for the first few days. Noel’s disappeared before, and he’s quit before, and he always comes back. 

So they try not to worry. Bonehead starts drinking at eleven in the morning, and Calum tries not to worry. Tony and Maggie have hushed conversations under their breath, and Calum tries not to worry. Liam doesn’t leave his room, and Calum tries not to worry. 

They get a fucking bollocking about the gig from Alan, from Marcus, from fucking Maggie, even, but it feels hollow because they all know they’re not going to get the only bollocking that really matters - the one from Noel. They sit there silently while Alan rages about how embarrassing it was, while Marcus runs through numbers and statistics about sales and how they’re going to be affected, while Maggie gives them disappointed looks and says really, snorting meth hours before a concert, what were you thinking?  

Yeah. They’d snorted fucking meth. Some absolute fucking idiot - William John Paul Gallagher - had mistaken meth for coke. It’s why they were absolutely out of their fucking minds, why Calum hadn’t been able to sleep that night, and why Liam and Noel’s argument had been more ferocious than usual. It might also explain why all of this feels even more overwhelming than usual, why the comedown feels like it’s just not going away, why whenever Calum walks past Noel’s empty hotel room he feels like he’s suffocating. 

By the third day, even Calum’s at a loss. He’s been getting out of the hotel, going for long walks and getting lost and having to ask for directions to get back, standing by the sea and breathing in the salty air to try and clear his mind. He’s worried about Noel, more than anything - Noel doesn’t usually leave without saying anything, without getting the last word in, which is what makes this feel all the more real, like this is the time it’s going to stick. 

Although, Calum thinks, maybe Noel did get the last word. He’d written a letter to Liam, after all; maybe he’d said something in there about where he was going, what he was doing, something that makes this whole situation make any sort of sense. Maybe Liam knows something the rest of them don’t. 

He knocks on Liam’s door after he doesn’t show up for lunch again, and Liam answers, looking a little dishevelled, and a lot drunk. 

“What?” he says dully. 

“What did the letter say?” Calum asks. Liam stares at him for a minute, and then opens the door enough to let Calum walk in. 

The room’s a fucking tip. Liam’s clothes are strewn all over the floor - which, granted, isn’t exactly new - and Calum can see white powder residue on the coffee table, the desk, even the fucking bedside table. Next to the smudges of powder on the bedside table is the letter Noel had left, rolled up tightly, but creased all over. Liam’s been reading it, using it to snort drugs, smoothing it out and reading it again, rinse and repeat. 

Calum sighs, and sits down on the chair next to Liam’s bed, throwing him a doleful look. Noel’s Calum’s best friend, sure, and Calum’s not got a clue what to do without him, but he’s Liam’s brother. His flesh and blood, the boy who held Liam’s hand while he crossed the road, who nursed him through his first black eye, who writes songs with lyrics like please, brother, let it be, after a fight. Liam's never not had Noel looking out for him - through exasperation and curses and fists connecting with jaws, but there nonetheless.  Liam hasn’t got a chance without Noel.

Liam throws himself down on the bed and stares up at the ceiling, and Calum puts his hand on Liam’s shin, fingers resting lightly against rough denim. I’m here, he’s trying to say, but it feels hollow to the both of them, because he’s not Noel. 

“What did he say?” Calum asks again. Liam stares up at the ceiling, blinks once, and then opens his mouth. 

“He told me he loved me,” he says. Calum’s stomach twists. That’s not a good thing, not from Noel. He’d never say that, least of all to Liam, unless what he was trying to say was goodbye. 

“Oh,” Calum says, and tries not to let the panic seep into his voice. “Did he say where he was going?” Liam shakes his head. 

“Just a bunch of shite about how can we be brothers anymore, blah blah blah,” he says, voice rising mockingly on Noel’s words. Anger works for Liam, especially where Noel’s concerned. It’s the only way he knows how to feel about Noel. “Can’t do this anymore, it’s not me it’s you, all that breakup bullshit.” 

“What about your mum?” Calum says, even though he knows the answer to that, because Alan’s been calling Peggy pretty much every hour. Liam shakes his head. 

“She’s fucking beside herself,” he says, fury licking at the edges of his tone. “I get doing it to me, up and leaving like that, because that’s us, innit, but to mam? I’ll fucking kill the prick myself if I ever see him again.” He doesn’t mean it, but Calum lets him pretend that they both believe it. 

“You should eat,” Calum says, after a moment of silence.

“Probably,” Liam says, to the ceiling. He blinks up at it one more time, and then rolls onto his side. 

“He’s a fucking cunt,” he announces, but he doesn’t sound convinced, and his voice wavers a little. Calum sighs and reaches his hand out, and Liam extends his own to lace his fingers with Calum’s, blinking at him with glassy, tired eyes. 

“I didn’t mean to,” he says, and his voice is definitely wobbly now. “I didn’t mean to push him away. I love him.”

“I know,” Calum says, and squeezes Liam’s hand in what he hopes is a reassuring manner. “He knows, too.”

“I wouldn’t’ve said it if I knew,” Liam says, swallowing hard. “I wouldn’t’ve been such a cunt.” 

“Yeah, you would’ve,” Calum says, but it’s not unkind. “That’s how you two are.” 

“Cain and Abel.” 

“Doesn’t Cain kill Abel?” 

“Isn’t Noel killing me?” Calum’s not really sure what to say to that. He supposes, in a way, Liam’s right. One of them’s got to fall off the tightrope at some point, and Liam’s never going to push Noel. And Liam would be all too happy to fall off, if it were for Noel.

“He needs you,” he says eventually. “He’s always needed you.” 

“Does he fuck,” Liam says flatly. 

“He’d never let anyone but you sing his songs,” Calum says. “That’s the highest praise you can get from Noel.” Liam’s silent for a moment, because he knows Calum’s right, and then he sighs again, loud and heavy.

“I’m hungry,” he says, and Calum closes his eyes in relief. "I want fish and chips."

“Order room service,” Calum suggests. Liam blinks at him. 

"Do they do fish and chips?"

"They will if you offer them enough money." Liam hums, like he's thinking about it.

“Will you stay?” he asks lowly. Calum hesitates, and then nods. 

“‘Course I will,” he says, and gives Liam’s hand another squeeze. Liam smiles at him, small but genuine. 

“Love you,” he says. Calum smiles back, soft and fond. 

“Love you too,” he says. 

“Enough to find me good fish and chips in LA?” Liam says hopefully, and Calum laughs. 

“Nowhere near enough for that,” he says, and Liam sighs dramatically, but he’s smiling too, which is the best Calum can hope for.

  -------

 A few hours later, while searching for a pack of cigarettes, Calum comes across the spare room key to Noel’s room that Noel had pressed in his hand wordlessly on their first night. Calum hadn’t really been sure what to make of it - was it an invitation for late-night songwriting, or the first acknowledgement of that night a few years ago either of them have ever made? - but it hadn’t even mattered, because Noel had left so soon anyway. 

He’s heading to the room before he’s even really thought about it, unlocking the door and taking in the too-empty, too-clean room. The bed’s been perfectly made by the staff, nothing like the slapdash job Noel usually does, and there’s no suitcase with clothes spilling out of it kicked in the corner of the room, no shoes strewn across the floor as Noel had kicked them off on his way to the bed. It’s almost overwhelming, to know that this room housed the decision that could end Calum’s career, and that this is the last connection he could ever have to Noel. It feels almost suffocating, like the walls are too big and too white for Calum, and he finds himself sitting down on the bed and reaching for the phone before he’s really thought through what he’s doing. 

He’d memorised the number, of course. He hadn’t really meant to; he’d just read the little scrap of paper so often that it had stuck. He barely even hesitates as he dials, chest so heavy with the crushing weight of the empty room, of the silence Noel's left in his wake. 

The phone rings four times and Calum doesn’t even realise his fist is clenched until there’s a click and a shuffling sound, and his fingers relax.

“Hello?” Michael sounds casual, relaxed, a little sleepy. Calum clutches the receiver to his ear. “Hello?” Michael repeats. 

“Michael.” He hears a sharp intake of breath. 

“Calum?” Michael says. “Aren’t you in America?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Fucking hell. You’d better make this quick, then.” He doesn’t hang up, though, which is something. Calum just listens to him breathing for a minute, not really sure what he actually wants to say, or if he wants to say anything at all. 

“Calum?” Michael says, jolting him back to reality. 

“Noel’s gone,” Calum says. 

“What d’you mean, he’s gone? Where?”

“Dunno.” There’s a pause.

“You lost your songwriter?” 

“He’s gone. Left.” Michael inhales deeply. 

“Where? Where’d he go?” 

“We don’t know.” Michael exhales. 

“Oh, Calum,” he says, and he sounds sorry and sad. Calum’s eyes flutter shut, trying to soak in the sound of his voice. 

“I-” Calum cuts himself off, because he doesn’t actually know what he’s trying to say. 

“I’m sorry,” Michael says, and he sounds like he means it. 

“Are you?” Calum can’t help but ask, a little bitterly. If Michael rang him and said Damon had left Blur, Calum would probably feel honour-bound to tell Noel. Or, he wouldn’t, now. Fuck. 

“Are you seriously asking me that?” Michael says, tone a little hard. Calum puts his head in his hands. 

“I don’t know,” he mumbles. 

“Why did you call me if you think that?” 

“I don’t know,” Calum says again, hearing the hopelessness in his own voice. “I just- I don’t know.” Michael sighs. 

“How’s Liam taking it?” he says. He’s trying, Calum can tell. He’s trying, for Calum’s sake. 

“Fucking terribly,” Calum admits. “Noel wrote him a letter.” 

“A letter?” 

“Yeah. A- a fucking, like, goodbye note, I don’t know. He’s a mess.” 

“Jesus.” Michael hesitates for a moment, and then adds: “What happened?” 

“Him and Liam had a fight,” Calum says. “And we played a fucking awful gig in LA.” 

“Don’t they fight all the time?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Why this time, then?” Calum shrugs. 

“We did meth,” he says. 

“You- you did meth? ” Michael sounds horrified. “ Calum, fucking-” 

“We thought it was coke,” Calum says. 

“How the fuck- ” 

“I don’t fucking know, Liam’s a fucking idiot,” Calum says, even though he’d put the stuff up his nose too. 

“Fucking hell,” Michael breathes. “Alright. Jesus. And Noel just- just, what, took off?” 

“Yeah,” Calum says, gut twisting at the words. “Took his passport and some money and left.” 

“Passport?” Michael says. “Did he go home?” 

“No.” There’s a pause. 

“Fuck.” 

“Yeah,” Calum agrees, and it sounds listless, but he means it with every fibre of his fucking being. 

“I’m sorry, Calum,” Michael says softly. Calum blinks at the wall. 

“Yeah,” he says again. “Thanks.” Michael sighs. 

“What are you going to do now?” he says. 

“I have no fucking idea,” Calum says, the words acrid in his mouth. What the fuck are they going to do now? None of the rest of them can fucking write, can they? Not like Noel, at least. 

“Are you going to finish the tour?” 

“I don’t know, Michael,” Calum says. All the questions are making his head hurt. He hasn’t even thought that far ahead, hasn’t really considered anything beyond where the fuck is Noel, I hope Noel’s alright, I’m going to fucking kill Noel. He doesn’t even know if they’d be allowed to play Noel’s songs - there’s got to be some kind of legal bullshit about royalties involved, hasn’t there? God, Noel’s always handled that stuff. Calum’s never read a fucking contract in his life, just signed where Noel told him to sign. Noel had been the one to sort out their management, to negotiate the record deal, to get the contracts for the tours. Who the fuck are Oasis without him? 

“Hey,” Michael says gently. “It’ll be alright.” 

“Will it?” 

“Yeah.” Michael has nothing to back his words up, no events or facts he can point to and say see, it’ll be fine, but somehow, Calum believes him. Maybe because he wants to believe him, with every scrap of his soul, or maybe just because it’s Michael. 

“Thanks,” Calum says, and it comes out tired. Michael just hums in response, and they lapse into silence. It’s not uncomfortable, though, not like the last time Michael had been at the other end of a phone line. They’re existing in tandem, and it feels like something slotting into a place that Calum didn’t know was empty.

“I can’t believe you did meth ,” Michael says after a while, in disbelief, and Calum can’t help the way his lips hitch up in a faint smile. 

“I didn’t mean to,” he says. 

“Y’know, the tabloids aren’t wrong about you,” Michael says, and there’s a smile in his voice too. He’s teasing Calum. “Always calling you a bunch of hooligans. Taking meth because you think it’s coke, fucking hell.” 

Calum huffs out a laugh, fingers curling around the receiver as his heart flips in his chest. Michael reads about him in the papers. 

“That’s just Liam,” he says. 

“So you weren’t deported from Sweden?” 

“Well-”

“Exactly,” Michael says, and Calum can hear him grinning.

“That was because of Liam,” Calum says. He pauses, and then adds: “And Noel. And Bonehead.” Michael laughs, soft and melodic, and for one split, giddy second Calum thinks fuck, I want to spend the rest of my life hearing you laugh. He’s sure he doesn’t mean it, though. It’s probably the fucking days-long comedown, and the fact he’s feeling Noel’s absence like nothing else. It's the first time he's heard someone laugh since Noel left, after all.

“I can’t believe that’s what I’m up against,” Michael says, and it’s still soft and amused, but Calum can hear the slight tinge of sadness to it. 

“Yeah,” Calum says, smile fading. “That’s your competition.” Michael exhales heavily, and Calum thinks they might be thinking the same thing. How did we go from us to competition?

“Why did you call me?” Michael asks. Calum’s fingers twitch against the phone. 

“I don’t know,” he says. “I just- I don’t know.” He hesitates, and then adds: “Why did you call me? After Top of the Pops, I mean.”

“I don’t know,” Michael says. He’d said the same thing two months ago. But, two months ago he hadn’t added what he does this time: “D’you really want to do this now?” 

“Do what?” Calum says. 

“Talk about this. Us. Now.” Calum swallows. 

“No,” he says. He never wants to talk about it. He wants to walk the edge of this precipice forever, doesn’t ever want Michael to say c’mon, let’s jump, because he doesn’t know what he’ll find at the bottom. He doesn’t know whether Michael’s just biding his time, waiting until they can have their big what happened to us? talk to say everything that he’s thought for the past five years, get it all off his chest, and then fuck off and leave. He’d be well within his rights to, Calum thinks, but that doesn’t stop the mere thought of it from making his heart ache. 

“Okay,” Michael says. “But we-” he’s interrupted by Calum and Liam’s door slamming open. Calum starts in surprise, phone slipping out of his fingers, and whips around to see Bonehead standing in the doorway.

“We’ve found him,” Bonehead says breathlessly. “He’s in San Diego.” 

“You’ve found him?” Calum repeats. “What? How?”

“Maggie got his phone bills and traced all the numbers,” Bonehead says. “Found one in San Diego. Remember that girl, whatsherface, Leah? Dunno, doesn’t matter, we’ve found him. ” 

“And?” Calum says, heart in his mouth. “Did you talk to him? Is he okay? Is he coming back?” 

“Yeah,” Bonehead says, grinning widely. “He’s coming back.” 

“Oh, thank fuck,” Calum mutters, stomach somersaulting. “Does Liam know?” Bonehead’s smile falters. 

“Yeah,” he says. Oh. Noel’s going to have fucking hell to pay. 

“Oh,” Calum says. Bonehead looks at him for a moment, both of them thinking the same thing - there’s going to be fucking fireworks - and then he grins again.

“Well,” he says, “at least we’ve got our fucking songwriter back, eh?” 

“Yeah,” Calum says, and laughs, a little lightheaded. Fucking hell. Noel’s coming back. 

“Bonehead!” he hears someone yell - Liam, he thinks - and Bonehead sticks his head back out of the door. 

“Aye?” 

“...go out...fish and chips...you ask Calum?” is all he can make out. Bonehead casts a glance over at Calum. 

“Fancy going out for tea?” he says. “Liam reckons he’s found a chippy.” Calum raises his eyebrows. Fucking hell. Might as well have one last supper before Noel gets back and all hell breaks loose. 

“Alright,” he says, and gets up to leave, making the phone clatter to the floor. He picks it up hastily, and Bonehead frowns at him. 

“Who’ve you been talking to?” he says. Calum clutches the receiver to his chest. 

“No one,” he says. “Was going to ring my mum.” Bonehead’s face doesn’t clear, and his eyes narrow, like he’s trying to work something out. Shit, it’s fucking three in the morning in England, isn’t it? Fuck. 

“Bonehead!” Calum hears Liam yell again, sounding more aggravated this time, and Bonehead sighs in exasperation and turns back around. 

“Fucking hell, who the fuck are you, my missus?” Bonehead yells back. “I”m fucking coming, don’t get your knickers in a twist.” 

“I’ll just-” Calum motions at the bed vaguely, hoping it’ll come across like he’s got some final organising to do - fucking make the already-pristine bed, or something, anything to make Bonehead leave so he can hang up on Michael - and Bonehead just nods, already halfway out of the door and on his way to Liam. 

Calum brings the receiver back up to his ear, ready to make some excuse to Michael, but all he hears is a dial tone. 

Michael’s already gone. 

taglist: @callmeboatboy @sadistmichael @clumsyclifford @angel-cal @tirednotflirting @cthofficial @tigerteeff @haikucal @queer-5sos @i-am-wierd-always @stupidfuckimgspam @bloodyoathcal @pixiegrl @pxrxmoore @currentlyupcalsass @clumthood

if you’d like to be added to my taglist pls fill in this form! 

chapter five

[firebuug]

ok here’s this. pokemon au ramble. because this week has just been me loving my ocs but bass boosted. under the cut!! this post will be REALLY long mainly because of the teams sorry!

pokemon au is pure bc no deaths or rlly bad things happen

buggy is a trainer who went on the pokemon journey for fun and as a coming-of-age kinda thing(also because he may or may not have burnt his house down with a litwick), but kinda stopped getting gym badges half way and decided to settle down and just take the road casually. he settled down with apoccy and they both run a little pokemon sanctuary and care for pokemon that aren’t able to go back to the wild or have some little quirk (for example a litwick that cant keep itself lit easily). he likes battling for fun rather than for glory, and when his rival (farrow, obvs) was like “ha im gonna beat u and become the champion and ur not” he was like “i mean ok have fun!” which makes farrow pissed. he’s a guy who really cares about pokemon’s feelings and basically got back into action from pokemon santuary-ing and fought against the coven (the bad guy team) to stop them from hurting anyone.

team: 

- Ari (talonflame) (he flies around on her!)

- Lulu (chandelure) (his absolute baby and child)

- Fluffy (ampharos) (he named it fluffy when it was a mareep but then it evolved a bit and it wasnt fluffy anymore. its name is still fluffy tho)

- Big Boy (pelipper) (he’s a big ocean enthusiast but can’t swim and is a bit afraid of the water, so he uses pelipper to navigate over it and help him fish)

- Ellis (sylveon) (he wanted him to be a flareon but he loved them a lot and he ended up becoming a sylveon but buggy still loves him 100%)

- Musha (musharna) (musha helps him go to sleep easier and stay awake better as well, it’s basically his service pokemon ahghjhdjkf. she’s usually floating by his side!)

i think mendel would be a pokemon professor bc he studies pokemon. how he was even trusted enough to hand out pokemon to small children is a mystery, but gene takes care of most of the friendly stuff with handing u ur pokemon and stuff, mendel just does the research. later on it’s revealed that mendel is part of the region’s bad guy group, the coven! (>:3cc) their goal is to fuse multiple powerful pokemon together into the perfect pokemon that is able to beat everything and everyone else, in a combination of every type in existence. (Idk if this is the plot of any game bc i dont remember the plot of any game past pokemon b/w honestly) eventually the protag gets them to not fucking destroy everything and befriend the big boy pokemon (juggy, but like pokemon) and the coven disbands their group and just live life as normal people not criminals bc pokemon verse is best verse

team: - Juggy (sivally) (idk shit about sivally or the sumo plot but it looks like a fusion pokemon and its cute so like um there we go ig. in the actual au itd probably be a completely new pokemon but im lazy)

- Cofagrigus (obvious reasons. if i didnt want to keep this au pure i wouldve mentioned he still grave digs)

-Mimikyu (shut up its cute)

- Flabebe (flowere) (”oh what a pretty flower, it will be great to work on. oh no its a pokemon. guess its my child now”)

- Arbok (its a snake he loves snakes he gives it little pats on the head and rattatas)

- Claydol (it has a ton of red eyes and its black and red what more do you want from him. also he thinks it is cool and its psychic so like hhuiionnghgh yeah)

gene is a pokemon docdor (he heals those boys up for you and takes care of them) and helps mendel out in research since they both share an interest in researching pokemon!!! he doesn’t know that hes part of the bad guy team that snatches up pokemon and doesn’t question any weird things he decides to research about until like the end. he’s really nice and’ll probably catch up to you along your journey just to see how you’re doing, check up on you, and give you cool stuff like the master ball n stuff. he has a big greenhouse where he grows berries and’ll give you some as gifts along the way. he battles you occasionally to see how strong you’ve gotten and’ll heal your pokemon when your done, giving you tips. he likes hanging out around forests and little garden areas.

team:

- Serperior (long boi. good noodle boi.)

- Comfey (C O M F E Y flowere boi) 

- I lost my old gene team im so sad so i dont remember any of it

- Bitty (budew) (BABY BOY BABY! he loves them sm) (it evolves into roserade later on but shhhshhh baby budew)

- Swanna (pretty birb!!) (helps him water the plants in the greenhouse!!)

- Ana (unfezant) (HE NEEDS ANA OK)

- Audino (mega) (he needs that healy pokemon it’s essential) (theyre his little helper)

farrow is the stereotypical rival guy tbh. with buggy he was like “im gonna be better than u” and buggy was like “stop bullying me” but then just “ok” so he got bored. with skuggy it was more competitive, and they even battled each other right at the victory road’s entrance to see who was better, but they never got to complete the elite 4 trial since the coven juggy shit happened and they basically had to team up temporarily to stop these guys. when all of that was done farrow got back to challenging the elite four and trying to become champion, but he’s still struggling and is trying to train his team to become better while skuggy went “eh i’m done that was fun tho” and gave up. farrow hates being seen as weak and wants to have the strongest team, but he still loves his pokemon even if he pushes them near the limit sometimes while all focused up on winning.

team:

- Ally (linoone) (theres no possum pokemon and im mad but he likes ferrets too so) (or uh. long raccoon?) (either way he loves ally and she’s kind of a tank)

- Mittens (incineroar) (this was his starter, somehow, since he took the traditional trainer coming-of-age path and went to become the best.) (he loves his cat even if it did become....bipedal and buff??????) (They share the same big ego and victory flexing) (he rides on mittens’s shoulders sometimes or mittens carries him with arms in the air like a king)

- Rogue (liepard) (cate!!) (also it really fits him!!!) (he loves his thief cat and steals everyone’s items with it and makes them mad) (skuggy has cursed this cat out for stealing all his pokemon’s items at least twice before while both her and farrow looked on grinning smugly)

- Jasper (noivern) (i associate farrow with bats a lot, i think he likes bats now) (big fuckig boy who farrow flies on and farrow really likes battling with) (when farrow is out travelling and is tired and it’s late but he can’t find anywhere to stay, jasper shields him and makes whats basically a mini tent with his wings around him)

- Doggo (houndoom) (Farrow named him doggo as a joke but it stuck) (Fire dog with evil aesthetic! Farrow loves this) (He’s a good dog and farrow pats him for doing good work. he sniffs out berries and items for him on the road and is like his guard dog.)

- Snippy (gliscor) (another bat babey) (i might change it but idk) (it’s a sneakey boy) (he is also a tank and poisons everyone’s pokemon) (farrow accidentally gets stung by him like twice a week)

skuggy is a trainer who set out on the pokemon journey as a means to get out of his shitty house and family, collecting pokemon to help defend himself, but ended up really loving pokemon (especially bug types) and trying to take on a few gyms while he was at it. eventually he met farrow and it became kind of like a little race to see who can get the most gym badges first, giving him a motivation to travel the region and take on the elite 4. after the juggy fiasco he got a bit tired of fighting and decided he valued his pokemon a lot since they defended him and helped him fight back so he said “yknow what im gonna take a break from our race thing, im just gonna find somewhere to finally stay and chil out” while farrow was shaking the elite four’s door like “LET ME IIIIIN”. he’s kinda chill now and is thinking about going back and trying to fight the 4 someday, but for now he’s just a guy who catches bugs. he and gene hang out sometimes and go into forests n stuff. he’s still a butcher in this world ig. mans gotta make some money

team:

- Clove (scolipede) (his first pokemon, he caught it and went with it, but got really attached really fast) (she is his baby and he made it so far with her by his side and is really proud of both clove and himself for getting this far) 

- Big Tony (armaldo) (he found a fossil pokemon and kept it since it’s rock type and can help ward off fire types, which is a big weakness of his team, but he ended up loving big tony too. i know theyre supposed to be like 4 foot 9 but please imagine big tony as a BIG boy that skuggy can ride on its shoulders and back to get around.)

- Babie (ribombee) (he caught this thing and said “this is the cutest shit i’ve ever seen.” went on to destroy dragon types and be the best bee ever.) (actually it’s pretty weak but skuggy believes in them)

- Toaster (heracross) (heracross was too cute for skuggy NOT to catch. it’s the powerhouse. this boy rips thru pokemon likes it’s nothing. unless it’s a fire or flying type. then it dies.) (it likes to f i t e and shares skuggy’s quick temper, because u know what they say, like pokemon like trainer)

- Big old boy (stoutland) (this was also one of the first pokemon he’s ever caught and it was really strong, defended him well and was kind of like the tank of the team, so he kept it. he likes sleeping on its back, and sometimes it has to remember it isn’t a tiny dog anymore because it tries to jump at skuggy to greet him and he gets fucking smashed.) (hes a very good boy, he’s very fluffy, and skuggy loves him so much and owes him his life)

- Jeff (swadloon) (skuggy loves his emo-looking son.) (ever since he beat depression in the dick he just cant help but see himself in swadloon) (but swadloon is happy, just very comfy and grumpy) (swadloon loves skuggy and skuggy loves swadloon) (i mean just look at him) (it’s perfect for skuggy)

okay i’m done here there’s obviously more people but this post is getting alarmingly long and i still need to make their teams. if u read this entire thing u deserve 20 cat images and more jesus christ u madman !!!!!!

[sorikkung]

You did an intro to got7 a while ago could you maybe do one for A.C.E.??? They seem like a good group but I'm clueless atm so it would be v helpful!!!

lololol i did an intro to mark from got7 but not got7 as a whole, but yes ofc i will i love my talented bois and i love rambling about them heRE WE G O

an introduction to a.c.e, for dummies (jk ily choice is a great fandom pls join us)

also this is gonna get rlly long so im gonna put it under a cut

A.C.E is a 5-member boygroup under beat interactive!! which is a p small company atm so my boys dont exactly have the high quality living and practice areas and food that they deserve :(( THEYLL GET THERE THO IM SURE OF IT THEYRE LEGENDS

here’s their youtube channel with aaaaall sorts of goodies

i started stanning a.c.e predebut, bc they had a lot of content for a group that hadn’t debuted yet, and it was enough to snatch my attention real quick so you should check that shit out, they did a shitton of AMAZING covers and to get their name out there more, street buskings its a lot but i swear its worth your time theyre so talented!!

also they have matching tracksuits what more could you ask for tbh (as you can see from that vid, they’re literally so fucking extra)

a few of my favs are

this rlly long busking video w girl group songs and just a bit of everything tbh,

THIS amazing remix/cover of kard’s don’t recall by the rap line + this one cute girl,

only THE most iconic playing w fire cover, band version, (I WILL NEVER STOP SCREAMING ABOUT THAT VIDEO HONESTLY I COULD MAKE A POST ON THAT COVER ALONE ISTG) 

their flashlight cover that is enough to make a grown man cry omfuckigngOD it makes me feel things hjskskkh

that ONE TAKE dance cover they did of 3 of taeyangs songs, all focusing on a different member of the dance line

im gonna stop here before i link every damn cover they made

okay so now that thats covered (bad-um-tss) time for…DEBUT

THIs beauty right here is their debut song cactus, which has this really deep meaning to it. bc they came from a small company so they have to work extra hard to even be able to debut let alone be successful and they’re like a cactus bc cacti grow in the desert where there’s very little water but they still manage to stand strong even through the hardest of weather an environment conditions and eventually sprout beautiful flowers,, buuuuuut its also a meme for obvious reasons.

tbh debut era choice culture was just listening to cactus on repeat for days bc it was their only song at the time skjslaas not much has changed tbh LMAO but yes theyre a very edm loving group so their DANCE SKILLS ARE ON POINT SERIOUSLY IVE SEEN FEW GROUPS AS AMAZING AT DANCING AS ACE WOWOW

oh yeah did i mention that their fandom name is choice and that choice are literally the softest fandom my multifandom ass has e v e r been in?? theres literally no cringy or toxic side of the fandom its just so soft and welcoming and pure and everyone is so nice and sweet and friendly and just??? wow i love choice a lot hjkskjsshkhk choice are also SUPER talented too stan talent stan choice

speaking of cringe ace is that group that just like skipped the entire “rlly cringy boygroup debut phase” completely like no weird debut haircuts or outfits or weird lyrics about girls, well actually thats all kinda objective but like they made those outfits work ok and im a cactus isnt that weird of a lyric if you know the deep meaning behind it

aS yOu CaN sEe, cactus era was the era of the tHIGHS and the hot pants. it was literally so iconic it blew up and with great reason too, have you seen those thighs?? AND THEY KNOW IT TOO they even mentioned they chose the hot pants as their style concept and took better care of their legs than their faces. true kings. heres a video of a.c.e talking about the whole hot pants thing and just their legs in general its some quality shit. and heres a video where they decide to show off just how great their thighs are bc they like to kill choices like that, this video is important and iconic bc its where the wowson ship began and also when they declared who the king of thighs were amongst the kings of thighs. definitely a necessary watch for new choice imo. donghun lowkey grinds on the floor at 4:04, you’ve been warned. honestly that video just gets progressively gayer lmao i love it

also for us international choice they made an ENGLISH cover of cactus CAN YOU BELIEVE IT I LOVE THEM SM they didnt have to but they did and oml stan a group who stans you back this hard their english aint that great but theyre trying and i appreciate it so much theyre so amazing look

five months later they dropped their second single, callin’, and b o y was this a stressful comeback, beat had us FOOLEd,, i genuinely thought it was gonna be a flowerboy soft concept yknow with like some sweet lowkey ballad or soft pop song, but nOOooOOOooo, MORE HARDSTYLE EDM not that im complaining callin is a bop but i was TRICKED

LOOK AT THIS SHIT ITS ALL AESTHETIC AND THE CLIP OF THE SONG WAS ALL SOFT I WAS REALLY EXPECTING SMTH SOFT im sorry im still salty that beat tricked me but ITS FINE bc callin is a HELLA BOP like i honestly didnt expect them to top cactus so quickly bc like cactus was hella but they DID and its amazing and heres the link be blessed (warning, these gifs above make it look like a soft vid but there are LOTS of flashing colours and lights and its really intense on the eyes if youre not comfortable with that dont watch, just listen)

they also supplied multiple dance pracs you can find on their channel for callin bc ace feeds us well, although callin had a reaaaally short promotion period bc right after they got thrown onto survival shows for more publicity, but hey, its working!! choice is growing bigger every day and im so proud

donghun, wow and jason all went on yg’s show mixnine, and jun and chan went on the idol rebooting show, the unit. both teams are doing EXTREMELY well on their respective shows!! but ill talk more about that in their individual member profiles bc they havent been put on the same team for anything yet rip

edit: mixnine finished and donghun and jason made the cut for the final group, sehyoon didn’t :(( so dongson will be promoting with the mixnine group for a lil bit!! also chan made it to the unit debut group but jun didnt. im hoping for a sehyjun subunit pls

that was long af but now im gonna dive into the members individually!! so its probs gonna get twice as long sorrynotsorry i warned you

Jun (Park Junhee)

jun is the so-called fiery leader of ace (also lead dancer and lead vocal) but is honestly just a giant dork and a sweetheart. hes the type of guy who you scream at for being dumb and call him an idiot but thats your weird way of expressing your undying love for him?? ask literally any jun stan, they’ll say they hate him. hate him for being so PERFECT like a fucking DISNEY PRINCE he’s the designated prince of the group you know theres always that one member and hes just so LOVEABLE and stupid and skjdakhkjs he fuckign dropped his cake on his birthday when do your faves ever. dad of the group, probably lost the maknaes in the shopping mall about 3 times already. talks a lot, hates aegyo, his members might be planning on sacrificing him to satan? he does on idol class with chan every…i think its wednesday and fans vote who gets punishments n stuff and jun loses every damn time i think hes losing his faith in choice lmao. #saveleaderjun

he’s kinda married to donghun, they’re the parents of ace but donghun might try murder him in his sleep idk man, but now hes on the unit with chan and theyre all cute and you can literally ship everyone with everyone in this group

he has HELLA charisma on stage tho oh my gOd also he has one of the most unique singing voices ive ever heard so its really easy to single out, his face also is the first i learned to tell apart?? he has rlly high cheekbones and a wide but thin smile.

this is actually an ot5 video not just jun but jun’s reaction was by far the most iconic so i have to put it in his section, get you a fave who can FLY lmaooo

it would be CRIMINAL if i didnt solo out jun’s ringa linga cover, thE MOST ICONIC JUN COVER EVER HJFKDSJKFDSJK if i ever stop talking about this assume im dead bc IVE NEVER GOTTEN OVER IT jun in a leather jacket looking all rude and staring at the camera like that im WEAK, SO WEAK, AAAAAAAAHHHH

[ahem] MOVING ON

Donghun (Lee Donghun)

donghun, sometimes romanised as donghoon and often referred to by choice as hun or hoon, is the oldest member of the group and another total sweetheart, honestly ace is just a group of sweethearts, he cares for his members so damn much and is super soft?? but ALSO A s Av Age he’s on mixnine with sehyoon and jason and he SHOT DOWN YG, once again I C O N I C, yg was at a loss for words, heres more receipts of him being savage, i love my sassy boyfriend. BUT HES ALSO A SWEET NOODLE HJKSHJKS oH and did you know that before he joined a.c.e he had no experience in dancing whatsoever and in a year and a half, he caught up with the other four members that have been dancing since they were kids?? I STAN TALENT YALL you’d literally never be able to guess that bc all of them are like on an equal dance level its insane

also he used to have braces during cactus era and it was the softest shit

[cOUGHS] so like did someone say disrespect,,, bc he can do that too,,,,, aAAAAAAAH the duality of this man istg

he’s the main vocalist and has vO C AL S OF AN A N GEL, he has so much soul and emotion in his voice, and has adlibs for days oh my god, he also has the MOST BEAUTIFUL FALSETTO i’ve ever heard, fight me, actually come at me. his voice works REALLY well with chan so they pair him up with him for quite a handful of covers like the all of me one i linked (one of my favs omfg it makes me emo) cause like, his soulful voice plus chan’s higher, sweet voice just sounds so great together i love our main vocals wow.

sPEAKING OF WOW,

Wow (Kim Sehyoon)

his stage name is wow, but its hard to take seriously so the fandom just calls him sehyoon lmfao. it used to be seyoon but when he went on mixnine, he revealed sehyoon was the official romanization so here we are lmao. even if your bias isn’t sehyoon…it’s sehyoon. he’s just that guy ya feel me?? anyways sehyoon is a relatively quiet and reserved guy, but his members really pull out the dork in him, i love it so much?? he doesn’t talk much but when he does all of a.c.e directs their full attention to him to listen, its really sweet, hes pretty awkward with people but you can tell he just feels so safe and comfortable with ace it honestly warms my heart. he’s the main rapper and main dancer, but!! our multitalented man is also a vocalist. yes, you heard, me, the main rapper can sing, and really well at that. (if you scroll up back to the flashlight and dont recall covers, you can see more of his voice.)

gets the least lines, but not by much. although hearing his singing voice in their actual songs has happened like with 2 lines?? so idk man im just waiting for their ballad song that theyre apparently doing for their third song, god im so ready. i love his voice a lot, damn.

he’s also like reeeeeeeeeally gay for jason…the entire fandom ships it and they even ship it themselves. wowson, the otp of ace, they honestly just cant keep their hands off eachother??? i know a friend who struggled to tell apart jun and jason so she just looked at who sehyoon was standing next to and instantly knew it was jason. THEYRE SO CLINGY. i love my squishy boyfriends. 

OHHH BOY…i really could’ve used an even more disrespectful gif than this but that would ruin the surprise of watching it in the actual video!! as you can see, sehyoon is the K I N G of disrespect on stage, that shy lil fluffle bean you see offstage?? GONE. DISAPPEARED. VANISHED. this is why his stage name is wow, sehyoon disappears and you just go wow. choice has dubbed him king of bodyrolls with great reason, he makes every concept into a sexy concept, he just has that intimidatingly sexy aura to him, its incredible. 

now…are you ready….i bet youre not…who am i kidding NOBODY was ready for this shit. on mixnine, sehyoon was picked as leader for one of their stages (i think he was leader for ringa linga too??) and got to choreograph the routine. if you think its already rude 10 seconds in, its all over for you bitches when the lighting goes yellow. i feel the need to repeat, our boy CHOREOGRAPHED THIS. IT WAS ALL HIS IDEA. EVERY. SINGLE. PART. this is the same kid who everyone on the show knew as the shy, quiet, handsome boy. but then. 

but then he did this.

Jason (Kim Byeongkwan)

jason is his stage name that he chose for himself but his real name is byeongkwan, its another case of an idol having a stage name and nobody calling them by it?? i mean most new choice call him jason and i personally switch between the two but most choice seem to call him byeongkwan or bk if theyre extra lazy lmao. memers call him byonk sometimes.

jason is the weird child of the group and we all love him…he’s the second lil ball of sunshine and part ½ of the maknae line. he’s often found clinging to sehyoon or literally any of the members bc he’s an affectionate son who loves cuddles okay?? p r o t e c t   h i m.

he’s also the lead everything. yeah thats really not fair but jason is op ok?? singing, rapping, dancing, visual, like sehyoon he’s the full package, i can hardly call them the rap line they’re just the op line t b h. triple threats.

on their official twt jason likes to confirm wowson a lot, its p great lololol he’s the biggest wowson shipper of all time. want more wowson? i gotchu, here’s one of my absolute fav moments. (ft. junchan/chun)

he has some HELLA CHARISMA on stage like boy can u pls chill. they also love doing his eye makeup with that red makeup and it looks rlly good bc bk has such pretty eagle eyes and its his Look™ and that along with his onstage persona is a DEADLY COMBINATION HDSJKSKSLKJS 

i’m just gonna keep this short; even if your bias isnt byeongkwan, your bias is byeongkwan. he has that affect on everybody. number one bias wrecker out of the fandom t b h apart from sehyoon (he cant be my bias wrecker if he is my bias so im safe :^J)

Chan (Kang Yuchan)

INTRODUCING OUR CHANSHINE, MAIN VOCAL OF ACE, CUTIE MAKNAE CHAN!!!! he always introduces himself as a.c.e’s main vocal cutie maknae chan, its his iconic line and it suits him so well like LOOK AT HIM ISNT HE JUST A FUCKING RAY OF SUNSHINE WHAT A PURE CHILD I MUST PROTECC he’s literally the happy virus y’all AND ACE KNOWS IT TOO heres this one time where donghun even said that looking at chan cheers him up. certified sunshines only, everyone. also watch that whole video its long but its worth your time.

anyways our boy is a main vocal and as mentioned in donghun’s part they harmonize!!! so!! well!! i mean tbh all of ace can harmonize with eachother its the most beautfiul thing but these two are main vocal for a reason okay. if you didn’t already watch it in donghun’s part listen to THIS and have your ears be blessed i cry everytime oh my god skdfhd ALSO THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT ITS LIKE ONE OF MY FAVOURITE VIDEOS ON THE INTERNET i want to cry i lvoe chans voice so much i love chan i love kang yuchan og hmylhdg sodf i was gonna say i swear im sehyoon biased but im not istg ace is bias wrecking me 24/7 its been the hardest group to pick a bias in ever im not kidding i cant even

also known as kang RUDE, chan was all innocent sunshine and daisies until out of the blue he decided to give the disrespect king sehyoon a run for his fucking money. NOBODY FUCKING SAW IT COMING WE ALL THOUGHT HE WAS SO PURE AND THEN HE SUDDENLY STARTED FLASHING HIS ABS EVERYWHERE AND GRINDING ON THE FLOOR AND DOING THAT AND WE JUST CANT HANDLE IT i dont know a kang yuchan please save me oh my lord

okay this already has an ungodly amount of links and honestly i could go on, but this should be a good enough kickstart for you!!

stan talent stan a.c.e everyone. welcome to the choice family. its literally the softest and sweetest fandom out there. we welcome you with open arms and lots of cacti!!!

[the-mf-bread-babies]

1/8/20

VOLUME FOUR, PART TWO~!

WHO ELSE IS WRITING IT?! ROCCO NORTH, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHAPTER ONE

I CHANGED MY MIND HE DOESN'T GET KIDNAPPED lmao

After their work in protecting the house, the family went to bed. Well, except for Aaron, who watched Damon sleep just in case he died or anything.

The next morning, they woke up peacefully, to the sound of–

EXPLOOOSIIOOONNSSS!!!

Well, SHIT !!! Aaron, passed out from tiredness was still sleeping on the floor, though. “Aaron!! Wake the hell up, there's bombs!!” Damon shouted, repeatedly slapping Aaron's face. “Huh…?” Damon gave up and dragged his dad across the bedroom floor. “Hey, hey, I can walk, dude,” Aaron assured, slowly standing up.

A loud boom echoed throughout the house, alerting them even more. Although, it didn't seem like it came from an explosive, but rather, an impact. Their first thoughts were that NULL was using a battering ram on their front door.

The family assembled in the basement, equipped with weapons and protection. “So, what the hell's goin’ on now?” Gabriel asked. “Man, I thought you were gonna explain it or something.” Damon sighed as he looked at the others. “Dennis?” “I literally was friggin’ shaving when I heard the sounds?” he uselessly explained. “I was performing satanic rituals for the plants.” Lan confessed. “Okay, dad, but seriously, where are these guys?” Aaron grumbled, rubbing his forehead.

CRASH!

A hole formed in the stone basement ceiling as it came crashing down, sunlight shining into the area. A small woman whose grey hair covered her whole body to her knees swiftly emerged from the rubble, dusting herself off and hopping back outside.

“Who. Who was that.” Gabriel asked. “Do we have banshees here?” Lan added. “To my knowledge, the only ghosts related to Irish folklore in this house are the deer leg ladies and the lady who keeps using the washing machine to wash medieval armor.” Aaron explained. “Other than that, nada,”

The family halted their conversation as they heard the sound of multiple people screaming for their lives. “Okay, well, what's that?” Gabriel asked. “I– Dad, I don't even know where the rubble lady came from!” Aaron whined, the screaming still in the background.

ace: “die, bitches!”

“Yeah, pretty sure that's not NULL,” Lan pointed out. “Their agents get shot on sight after using foul language.” He revealed. “Really?” Damon asked, thinking about how bad of an agent he would be if he was recruited. “No, I just made that up.” Lan confessed, smirking. “Why…” Gabriel questioned, looking at him with a disappointed face. “Why not?”

nova: “OOH, A STUN GUN, OH NO!”

“HOWEVER WILL WE MAKE IT OUT ALIVE?!”

“HELP~!”

The four paused, noticing a third person in the fight. “Rude.” Damon commented at the girl's behavior.

sarah: “guys i accidentally fricked up the floor”

“do we have to pay insurance or whatever”

“also whats insurance”

ace: “it's a scam designed for you to die.”

Andre: “What Ace said. Also, pretty sure we don't have to do anything, since this place is a ghost town, anyways.”

jake: “mhm also theres probably horses or w/ever so watch out for that lol”

orc: “I SAW A PILE OF FROGS EARLIER”

j: “or that sometimes yknow”

The family peeked their heads out from inside, eavesdropping on the conversation.

o: “YEA BUT THE THING IS”

“I DONT KNOW HOW TO HOLD FROGS”

sar: “you have to like. gently carry those gentlemen around. palm at the side, fingers supporting their body and your thumb keeps them in place, orc, my friend,”

a: “ALSO SPRAY THE BITCHES!”

s: “yea spray them they like it it's fun n stuff”

andre: “Where. Where's the little froggies.”

j: “idk im scared”

a: “coward”

o: “ALSO SCARED OF FROGS”

“THEY ARE METAPHORICALLY CHILDREN”

s: “explain”

o: “SMALL AND CAN DIE EASILY ALSO WEIRDLY SLIMY AND SOFT”

andre: “Babies aren't slimy tho…”

o: “FLORIDA”

an: “oh ok”

“NULL doesn't usually talk about frogs.” Dennis pointed out. “They don't.” Damon agreed. “Also, they don't have members that tall. Or short.” Aaron commented. “Rebel gang?” Lan suggested. Gabriel squinted his eyes, staring at the group. “Last time I checked, undercover NULL agents, even if they exist, don't hide that kind of hair under their helmets. That kid next to the banshee there definitely does not have helmet hair, I mean, the volume and all…”

“hmm? i think those are peeeoopleeee” “guyss” The stylish hair kid pointed out. “cuz i dont think horses look like that!!!!!!!” they exclaimed, strutting towards the basement. “im scared” “help” “yall” “yall means all” they continued, facing their group. “Well, damn, Ace, if it's a horse, give it a carrot or something.” another voice said nonchalantly.

“meanie” “ill kill u” Ace threatened threateningly. “I CAN GO WITH YOU IF YOU WANT!!” A voice offered politely. “thanks nova!!!!!!! andre u can choke” Ace thanked, proceeding with Nova to the basement, the family anxiously awaiting them.

Ace had a normal, skinny, 5'7"-ish body, and they had a sharp jaw and small eyes. Their hair was brightly colored, with brown roots turning into an orange and then into a red, with yellow tips. They were wearing a gray vest above a loose black sleeveless shirt. Also jeans and shoes. Ace is not naked or something.

Nova, on the other hand, towered over Ace. She wore a trucker hat that pushed down her thick hair enough to cover her eyes, and it was tied into two big puffs. Her hair was dyed different shades of green in small spots, making it look like a small, bright shrub sitting on her head. She wore a denim jacket with lots of enamel pins stuck to it. Beneath that was a grey t-shirt, and below that were ripped jeans and UGG boots… somehow, in the amalgamated world.

“Hi! We're the Russell family!” Aaron welcomed, nearly giving them heart attacks by LOON∆ i should listem to that again. “What the fuck?!” Andre remarked, leading the rest into the basement. He was wearing a silky-looking black button-up shirt with a red tie with dress shoes, and his dreadlocks were neatly tied back. He certainly wore a fancy look for raiding NULL bases.

“Yeah, I'm Aaron, this is my dad Gabriel, my dad Lan, my husband Dennis, and my son, (no matter what,) Damon. We have 36 cats and countless ghosts here. Please proceed with caution, most of these babies are strictly indoors-only!”

The group stared at them in shock, unable to believe anything Aaron just said. “How… do you get… 36 cats…” Andre asked. “We used to have a pet shop. It fell down, though, so that's that.” Dennis answered casually. “like. how. like fell down into space” A blue-haired man asked, earning him Damon's full attention.

“Yeah, into space.” Gabriel said. “Just straight down.” Lan elaborated, “No stops or anything, just ZOOP!” “Yeah, that's why we moved into a haunted mansion.” Aaron added. “So, what group are you guys in?” he asked, making a head shoot up in surprise from one of them.

He had gelled blue hair parted in the middle, and his right eye seemed like it had something inserted in it. He wore a dark blue denim jacket with ripped off sleeves and very short, tight jorts. He also had black wristbands, indicating a past emo phase. Or one that's still ongoing, as made obvious by his combat boots.

“oh its kinda indie u guys. u guys probably dont know it :,(” The blue-haired man said sadly, pouting. “We're called the…” Andre began. “C'mon, Jakey, say it.” “no its dumb” he grumbled. “skullsmashers. it's because we smash people's skulls. metaphorically.” Ace explained, asking Jake for confirmation. “right, 8-ball?”

“we really dont......” Jakey/8-Ball said sadly. “Oh, you named us this, Jakey, honey,” Andre contested. “So why can't we smash people's skulls? Like, clearly, I can take the emotional trauma or whatever, as long as it's NULL, or hell, maybe even some dipshit, I can do that.” he added softly.

“Ah, pretty sure they're not NULL,” Lan said, smiling. “So, did you kill them all of them or what?” he asked as he raised his weapon, a mace he was somehow managing to hold with ease. Like. A mace with spikes. Ace nervously played with their hair, sporting a terrified face. “what!?” they exclaimed in a high-pitched voice. “We can definitely take care of them. How do you think this place is officially a ghost town?” Gabriel asked. “Setting up traps and making friends with the local ghosts go a long way, y'know,”

“There's fucking ghosts?!” Andre exclaimed, pulling out daggers from under his arms. “Yeah, but they're nice, so it's okay.” Damon explained with not a trace of fear in his eyes, making Andre slowly put the daggers back in. “Oh, by the way, if you guys see an arm there, could you get it for me?” he requested politely, “And honestly, I'd like to make a pun with lending hands, but I can't seem to put my finger on which one I'd make.” He added, raising his bandaged stump.

“Oh, Jake, don't–” Andre warned before Jake fainted instantly from seeing the bloody bandages on Damon's wound. “I'm sorry,” he apologized. The fainting had sent Aaron quickly went to the operating room, just now realising that he hasn't changed the bandages yet. “uh lemme go check if theres any” the small woman said, scuttling away. “Thanks,” Damon said before following Aaron.

Dennis, Lan, and Gabriel stood awkwardly in front of The Skullsmashers, not knowing what to do. “So, uh, whaddya do?” Dennis asked, folding his hands together. “gamign” Ace quickly responded. “Well, we each tend to go our own ways, but occasionally we team up to raid NULL bases and stuff.” Andre explained, ignoring Ace's statement. “What about you guys?”

“Ah, so I like gardening, and also do some baking from time to time, and Gabriel here used to be a traveling psychic, but now he tends to help me with errands and chores and sometimes we communicate with the ghosts here. Dennis and Aaron used to run a pet shop near here, but now Dennis does some farming, and Aaron spends his spare time caring for our pets.” Lan explained.

“And I do the groceries! And all the other stuff that involves going outside,” Damon intervened, coming back with an anxious, squeaky-clean Aaron. “Which is why my arm got cut off.” he revealed, sitting down on the wooden floor. “ok im back did i miss anything :'//” Jake asked, waking up from his faint earlier. “… we'll catch up later.” Andre replied.

“arm!!!” The banshee yelled out excitedly, waving a cooler back and forth. “Great! Just toss it down,” Aaron said happily, reaching his arms out. Seeing this, Damon ran to the operating room. “Last one's a rotten egg!” he shouted, snickering. “Well, while they work on that, do you guys maybe wanna come in and grab a snack?” Gabriel suggested politely, eager to learn more about the group. “yea sure!! thanks!!” said Jake, who was joyfully running to the front door.

A large figure stood patiently outside the door, belonging with the Skullsmashers. It seemed like a gentle giant, tapping its index fingers together. It was definitely from another world. It had greenish grey skin, and its head was blocky and looked like it was separate from his large jaw that had two moles on it. Its eyes were big and white, and above them were thick eyebrows. And it was wearing what seemed to be a large, furry, ruff reaching his knees that were covered by jorts. Its shoulders were completely covered with a large spiky red boulder on each one. The creature was ten feet tall, and was very strong.

At last, the large doors opened with a creak, the sunlight from outside shining brightly into the house. It was the first time in years that the front doors were opened, and it was for good; they had stayed in there for too long.

CHAPTER TWO

A PROPER INTRODUCTION

The family and the group were sitting in the dining hall, awaiting the arrival of Aaron and Damon. A shit ton of homemade potato chips were strewn across a long plate in the middle as the main course. Lan had prepared a variety of dipping sauces and some napkins. They sat in silence.

“I don't mean to be rude or anything, but how… are you guys still alive?” Andre asked cautiously, starting a conversation. Gabriel dipped a chip in cheese sauce, then thought of a simple answer: “We really just hide and plant stuff. Also, we were really lucky.”

Nova played around with a fork, debating whether these people were real or not. Yes, NULL couldn't possibly use their precious budget to make intricately designed haunted houses with personal touches and residents whose personalities were very unique, as well as their relationship with each other, but, hell, maybe they can.

NULL always had a way to worm themselves everywhere, down to the place she stayed in, the people she knows, and, well, really, everywhere. Even if this family was what they presented themselves as, NULL could do lots of things to not only dishevel Nova and the group she was in, as well as this family, they can manipulate both of them to destroy each other. After all, that's the kind of thing they do– get someone else to do their dirty work.

Nova made up her mind, opting to ask them directly. “I also really don't mean to be rude, but given the large amount of undercover NULL agents and all the different ways they come as, I just have to ask… and this is a very dumb, and useless question, but are you guys in any way… involved with NULL?”

Dennis smiled lightly, understanding that this group was in the same deliberation as they were. “To be honest, we were gonna ask you that too at some point, but I personally don't think NULL agents would look this…” “well, they wouldn't, like… have wrists this limp.”

The room was silent for a while, before erupting with laughter. “You– you fuckin’ thought we weren't NULL because–” Andre struggled, wheezing. “No NULL agent would dress like that, Andre,” Gabriel pointed out, snickering. “Yeah, you think those idiots can achieve this level of interior design?!” Lan added, gesturing wildly towards every piece of furniture in the hall.

“… But really, to answer your question there, yeah, we are technically involved with NULL,” Dennis said, completely changing the atmosphere of the room. “We're classified as Class-4 criminals for, um, giving some of their agents here some mild inconveniences.” he added in a serious tone. “And by mild inconveniences, I mean a few cases of attempted murders, robberies, hauntings, and other stuff like that.” The group sighed a breath of relief, knowing they were both on the same page.

“I have to say, 45 cases of attempted murder and two cases of successful murder does sort of count as a bit more than a mild inconvenience, though, Dennis,” Lan said jokingly. “Oh, and remember when someone planted poison ivy that somehow mysteriously completely wrapped around the whole base they had here, down to the basement?” he added, grinning. “Okay, well let's not compare our crimes here, dad,” Dennis teased. “Everybody knows mine was the best attack yet when I trapped them inside the base by encasing it with raw eggs! somehow” he added, cackling.

The two families had a great time together, laughing and talking about their experiences in the new lives they lived caused by the amalgamation. Meanwhile, Aaron was carefully reattaching an arm to an unconscious Damon. After some hard work, he succeeded, and did his best to celebrate in the operating room.

However, at this point, he became too tired to do so, considering the fact that he alone performed an entire surgery. Still, it was a miracle for both of them. He waited for Damon to wake up and see the finished product, but he ended up passing out while making a celebratory coffee.

The two slept well and endlessly. The rest of the family, however, were faced with a tough decision to make. Dennis, Gabriel, and Lan had the same question echo in their minds:

“Would you like to consider joining us, The Skullsmashers?”

It was a question Andre always asked to those who he saw potential in, no matter who– or whom, no idea. They could be two friends living in a dilapidated house with rats and mice, or three odd creatures in a grocery store, or even some nervous teenager who suddenly asked him to kill someone in the middle of his New Year's Eve party.

It's not that he simply sees something out of the ordinary happen and immediately hands out flyers, but it's that Andre has been gifted with an eye for this type of thing– take, for example, the situation at hand.

Andre raids a NULL base with his friends. The fight continues into the abandoned city the base was in. His friend lands into a basement of a house. Sarah, the friend, points out that there are people living in said house. Said people are clearly weird.

Resident asks for his arm back. Very weird. Still little to no potential, except maybe for interior design. Residents invite them for dinner. Residents have knives and shit.

Potential spotted. nah jk lemme do this again lol

[TAKE TWO]

Okay, okay. Andre doesn't just see people doing weird shit and immediately hires them, contract and all, but instead he observes them further.

If he sees someone hurling flaming batons into the sky, that person does have potential, yes, definitely, but what kind? This style of combat could definitely be a possibility in their attacks, given the practicality and the ostentatiousness of it.

However, it's an art one could hardly practice. The perils one could face are far too much for such a display. But, even though it's inconvenient, it's still very useful. If there was a good amount of accelerant on the baton, an enemy could not only receive a strong blow, but the added accelerant will most likely set them on fire too, rendering them not only useless in further combat (unless they're a very determined individual) but also a potential threat to anyone near them.

And the fact that a person is employed as the weapon is more convenient than, say, a large flaming baton-throwing machine, which would be difficult to program and to bring to an attack.

However, Andre also has to consider the person (itself? themselves? idk man) in an approach. Maybe they're NULL, or maybe even just someone who wants to throw flaming stuff into the air with no deeper meaning or intent. Maybe this person is unsuitable for combat; maybe this person is an enemy or a rival.

The approach is like a job interview– ask them about their experience in the field, if they have any other [good points?? is good points the word], if they're okay with joining the group– but sadly, he lives in a world where anything wildly good or wildly bad can happen, and it makes the whole process a whole lot more harder.

So, maybe these people inviting them over for a meal might give them a new addition or two. Or, sadly, remove some members.

Will the Russell family join The Skullsmashers? The decision has to be made any second now.

• end •

[cheswirls]

usum possibility thoughts

bc i just think its so interesting how the usum games are denoted as alternate stories to the sumo games. if you think about it, technically every pair of games are alternates to each other, but in the sumo games, it really got on another level. it wasnt just the legendary pokemon, but everything surrounding them. the sun/moon motifs, the day/night stuff, all of it. 

the thing thats most interesting, though, is the lake of moone/sunne. it’s such an expansive and impressive mapped area, and you can see it has a history. you can see the parts in disarray, but besides that, the parts that look almost damaged, or purposely obstructed. and the pmc cafe guy mentions off the shore that it has a feeling of “something more”, something that could possibly happen

i really feel like the lake will play a big part in the usum games, it just has such an odd aura surrounding it, yknow? and thats another thing. walking through the halls, it reminded me a lot of n’s castle. something cult-y.

and when you think about it, that’s an aspect missing from the games. you have gods from other worlds and altars and statues constructed all around the islands, and the lake of moone/sunne, and all the tapus, and how once, the tapus fought with the island ubs/legendaries. you have an evil “team” already thats devoted to all the scientifical aspects of the region’s lore, how far out would it be to assume there could be a group like plasma, a group who worships these pokemon and actively seeks out praise from them, perhaps doing unsavory things in attempts to please their gods, or even more, to summon them.

team skull was there for the ride, doing their own thing. and aether was only concerned with nihilego, the ub mohn had been studying before he disappeared. 

with the ub quest and the faller culture as well, i feel a team in usum with goals driven to summoning the island’s gods wouldn’t be far off, especially if a faller led this team, and wanted to use the legendaries to go back to their own world.

so those are general thoughts. below are just some “alternate” things i think could change to impact the usum storyline, along with just some fun speculation. 

one. team skull takes on a more serious approach and actually has a goal. this one could go either way, since their lofty style got a lot of love from the fans and i don’t know if i can see them changing that much. 

two. mohn is a valid character, and works with professor burnet and/or is an accredited scientist. i feel this would especially be a possibility if perhaps the aether foundation’s goals changed. mohn could be an active voice of reason on the dangers of ultraspace and the ubs.

three. gladion never takes type:null and is an active member of the aether foundation. hey, if it’s an alternate storyline, things like this could happen and leave an impact.

four. gladion has a type:null, but is also still a member of the aether foundation.

five. multiple characters, such as lillie/guzma/mohn, are fallers

six. there is a predetermined kahuna for poni. this one i feel is especially likely, since it would give more purpose for mina and her future trial. whether the kahuna is hapu or someone else is also up for grabs.

seven. perhaps it is not lusamine who is aether president, but mohn. also, perhaps aether is obsessed w ubs bc mohn is a faller trying to get home.

eight. the player is from sinnoh. this could be a further tie in to all of burnet’s research on sinnoh legends, a further gateway to dimensions, et cetera. 

nine. lillie has a different role. now these games aren’t planned as future sequels like bw2, so im not saying that, but lillie could be different. for starters, her initial appearance could be her “z-powered” appearance, and not a stark embodiment of a nihilego. 

ten. perhaps, instead of being targeted by aether, lillie and nebby are targeted by team skull/a new team/necrozma. heh? bc we know necrozma plays a bigger part, and is an ub killer.

eleven. perhaps instead of type:null research to contain the ubs, aether focuses research on necrozma, who hunts ubs. 

twelve. unlikely, but, guzma could be a trial captain. as well, molayne could still be a trial captain. kahili could be a trial captain.

thirteen. instead of the altercation at the end being on poni at the altar of sunne/moone, the final climax of the plot is at the lake of sunne/moone, or equal parts between.

fourteen. po town is a legit and model town. hey, alternate story, remember? could happen.

fifteen. hau’s father is a valid character and takes on a specific role (faller?)

sixteen. nanu is still an active interpol member.

seventeen. there are trials for the psychic, ice, flying, fairy z crystals. (yes, a fairy trial) (also, no, not a trial for all the crystals, but some more or a switch between)

eighteen. the ship out in konikoni by lana’s house has a use. maybe the lighthouse too

nineteen. wicke is evil. not saying faba is not evil, but wicke is no longer the concerned caregiver in the background.

twenty. theres at least a story behind the rig/building remnant in the ocean on route 14. or it’s an actual place.

twentyone. you get to enter the geothermal power plant. (i mean, they have it all mapped out, so why not??)

twentytwo. different trials. or, at least, a different approach to them. also, not different like different types, but like sophocles’ electrium z trial being a trial instead of a trial and error session.

twentythree. so between heahea and the hano resort theres a bridge right? and the bridge has this HUGE bay mapped off behind it. im hoping we get to enter that in usum.

twentyfour. hapu’s grandfather being a valid character. he doesn’t have to be kahuna, bc i think they did an excellent job w hapu’s gradual involvement in the story that led up to her appointment, but a side character would be nice.

twentyfive. lillie is a faller. the similarities w faller anabel are too high in the sumo games, both washing up on a beach after going through a wormhole. granted, it’s never noted that gladion had another sister in the sumo timeline, but in the usum line, perhaps lillie had an accident and the main lillie is a faller that everyone thinks has recovered. (plus tearjerker ending by finding out and staying in the world where her adventure took place huuuuh??)

twentysix. maybe league challenger ryuki is the bearer of the dragonium z? and hands it out in usum?

twentyseven. the prequel team to team skull that was struck down by the tapus and whose remnants became team skull, you remember that? that team is around in usum. or, that event happens in usum.

twentyeight. more involvement of molayne. we have that the guy’s a former captain, gives you the steel z crystal, and convinces plumeria to challenge the league. but a lot of thats behind the scenes, lets give the guy some more action.

twentynine. another slight unlikely, but, plumeria is an island captain/kahuna(??)

thirty. finally, nanu is still a member of team skull, or a member of a team.

[magalamantle]

HEY HERES some longass fucking shit!!!! about my settings for ocs for a p5 continuation/sequel/etc!!!!!!!!! just kind of. expanding on stuff i guess lol!!! the first one is the longest and the one im most interested in expanding on ideas for ocs on but anyway :Y

IDEA ONE:

'palaces': garden, zoo, restaurant, temple, courthouse, funhouse, bunker, garden, graveyard, safari, library, museum(not art gallery)

an emphasis not so much based on heists or stealing or treasure. instead the intention is to destroy the heart of it to reveal what the place "actually is". the whole intention becomes revelling in the large-scale destruction of different chunks of the bases, before eventually defeating the person at the heart of it.

not knowing the exact individual whose construct it is, has to infiltrate and work way into the place in order to follow clues - more like a detective than anything else.

characters access nav not through going to a specific location but via "dreams" - peeks into the human unconsciousness, cant really control when they go into or come out of constructs, are just kind of dropped in whichever location is selected in a list on the app before they sleep. therefore, players are lead into dungeons without fully knowing what theyre doing - theyre kind of placed into more of a mystery detective thing, trying to figure out why theyve been placed in each area, kind of what they have to do in order to escape cause like otherwise theyre placed in the area literally every night and cant do much about it lol. basically as long as theyre contributing (according to some unspoken rules) theyre fine in terms of sleep, but if they refuse to cooperate theyre basically sleepless, which really really impacts some of them until they end up basically having to act.

each area basically introduces a new playable character via waking a construct version of them in someone elses palace. like literally waking them up.  

it takes like the first full dungeon for them to register that it isnt just a weird same dream that theyre having and that like. the real person whose cognitive world they broke is affected, and in the wake of the whole "shadow thieves of hearts" thing its kind of terrifying because theyre like "oh god we destroyed that place what if weve killed someone" but it seems to have a different effect on individuals than previous, but its still. really weird.

eventually they kind of register that the worlds and people presented are getting bigger and scarier for them to have to deal with, and that its kind of like. training them??? especially since the targets theyre being given are getting more grey morally, and more just given to them because the task is just more difficult rather than more important.

anyway on their journey thats eventually mementos that they end up in when theres really no big mission for them to do, and they like explore it n shit. it feels totally different from the other worlds, cause its kind of this... weird mishmash? and as the plot continues theyre basically. kind of. its more or less revealed that this mementos isnt the general consciousness as the general consciousness of a select group of individuals - the people who basically set them up in this situation. individuals who used the research on the cognizant world to basically force the protagonists to do their dirty work - starting them with easy missions against people that they would agree with fighting against, and slowly working more into individuals that they wanted to get rid of, tying up loose ends, etc. basically training up a little army to get rid of people for them. this group thats controlling them isnt sending them into their mementos though, that would be a Higher Power

the uh. the group in this has a mascot thats a cute little cartoony puppy!!! that claims that theyre a wolf and cant remember how they got there etc etc. anyway basically it was made as a weird rude parody of morgana, and theyre pretty much a sleeper agent that kind of. gains consciousness as the team applies traits to it pretty much??? either way puppy is pretty much just the shadow council things way of calling the protagonists their dogs lol. something to sic on people they dont like.

IDEA TWO:

the palaces are all... literally different kinds of palaces: from different ages and aesthetics, but all definitely castles and mansions. includes roman palace, victorian mansion, funhouse/theme park castle, gothic mansion, classic medieval castle, etc

more of a kidnapping thing. have to find the master of the house/king/baron/etc and extracate them from the construct - whether a rescue or kidnapping depends on the particular target. this one features a pair of antagonists who only want to use the palaces' treasures for monetary gain - or at least it seems so at the start?? but its actually for a person theyre working for with the intention of studying the cognizant world in order to access the public conscience for what is essentially mass demoralization leading to global shutdown

this one in particular probably features the protags from p5 in a weird way, like. theyre all kind of younger adults in the city, doing stuff, and the new protags kind of interact with them and subtly try to figure stuff out about this whole world and everything about it from them.

IDEA THREE

more of an emphasis on the internet and incredible popularity therein - palaces are all based on internet sensations, big personalities who are secretly doing unsavory things. accessed through whatever website/social media whatever that they use the most.

PALACES in this world are based on VIDEO GAME TYPES. rpg, fps, puzzle games, etc etc etc. still in the kind of stealth, heist format of the actual. u kno. persona 5. but the aesthetics and enemy styles, dungeon setups, etc, npcs/cognitive humans etc are all based on the respective video game type. IMPORTANT: theres a rogue person wandering into peoples cognitive worlds who considers it all genuinely a game, has fun "competing" with the players team to get to the "end boss" first. unfortunately his aim is always outright to kill the boss lol. playable characters' outfits in the palaces change to fit the video game, but follow a general theme for each character.

the way that palaces are accessed more or less through the internet opens up possibilities about the new protags meeting through exclusively the palaces, not knowing each other in real life, etc.

every world contains a specific npc that sort of guides them around n stuff. its literally just akechi. like thats just him. still young. hes just there, in a shitty prince outfit or equivalent, and my excuse is that 1. he die in a really weird way in a really weird place and 2. as an incredibly public figure that was so prevalent in the publics eyes their perception of him kind of kept him floatin around in the sea of human etc etc etc. it might not be FULLY him but hes definitely. there. thats definitely just him standing there, telling them about game stuff. weird af.

[ryanssecurityengineering]

Week 7 Notes and Reflection

REFLECTION

Unfortunately I ran out of battery and lost the lectures notes for the second lecture. I had to reconstruct them using the class notes, Richard’s “slides” and what I remember. I’ll especially have to research more about Public Key Infrastructure later, it seems interesting!

Interesting lecture, I like how we found a mistake on the exam! I also liked the way Richard described Man in the middle attacks in Diffie-Hellman. There were lots of “homework” activities so I should do those! 

I thought it was pretty insane you can write to memory using %n in printf! I wonder what the designers of printf were thinking?! They were like “o ye lets scan in some stuff using our printing function!!” 

The extended lectures were cool - I found it weird that pressing that Command + S key on a Mac gives you root. There are so many interesting practical things with security... bug bounties, CTFs that you don’t really see in other areas of computing such as AI. 

NOTES

Mid Term Exam

Question 5 Solution - Can’t brute force it by hand. The answer is F - type I /Type II error tradeoff. 

Question 10 - The answer is D - easy to factorise a 64 bit number. Even 512 bit modulus is crackable. However even RSA is wrong for some reason.... All wrong!! 

Proof of liveness - Like a replay attack, challenge response. Proof that there is someone there. 

Richard expects you to go to all the lectures. Should have known Sun Tzu!

Diffie-Hellman - How do you set that shared secret up? 

5^3^7 is the same as 5^7^3. Power raising is associative. 

R -> 78125 -> S S-> 125 -> R

We don’t know R or S private key. Only the number they raised (5). Very difficult to solve the discrete log problem, to go backward to the private key. 

When both sides receive their key, they both raise the value by their private key. Both becomes the same. 

Forward Secrecy - protects the future messages.

Syria Castle - Defence in depth. The castle fell when the sieiging people forged a letter telling the castle people to surrender. Didn’t fall due to the defence of the castle.

CYBER LITERACY - VULNERABILITIES

A vulnerability is a weakness, and an exploit something that takes advantage of that.

Bug - software mistake. Sometimes bugs become vulnerability. 

Types

Memory corruption - somehow the bad guy can change something in memory to allow the program to be under the control of the bad guy.

Buffer overflow 

Stack and heap  - FIFO temporary info about the functions are on the stack. Heap for allocated memory - dynamic memory allocation. 

How functions are called in C - when control switches to another function, the function is frozen. Temporary info such as registers stored on stack. COMP1521 stuff.

Integer overflow - If you keep adding, it will go negative. This can cause it to maybe pass some tests. 

Format String - Like Bird flu - Everyone has written buffer overflow bad code in the old days! Then people started patching it. Apparently they are coming back. C has crazy way of printing stuff using printf(). In the old days when you wanted to print hello world had to use printf(”%s\n”, “Hello World”). However no ever did that. Everyone just writes printf(”Hello World\n”). However someone might write name <- get user name. Then you want to print the name you write printf(name). E.g. my name is “%s Richard Buckland”. It will try and look lower down in the stack and print that out as the argument. %s will print out the contents of the stack until a null character. You can use %x to print out the next byte and print out hexadecimal versions of the stack. Printf(”%x %x %x %x”). Shows entire contents of stack. Could have passwords, return addresses. %n WRITES TO MEMORY. You can do arbitrary writes to memory. 

Swiss Cheese - holes might line up! Holes overlapping and poke finger through. These sort of bugs are like that! Get lucky. 

Stack Canary? Research that. 

Shell Code - if you attacking a system, how nice it would be to get a private shell to come up and do whatever you want? Write some machine code that calls OS functions that makes shell pop up. This code is shell code. Put shell code into a buffer and run it.

Nop sleds - You can use buffer overflows to jump back to your buffer to run programs. However sometimes don’t know where in memory where the code is placed. Nice to have a bit of wiggle room. Just put lots of NOP operations - it will be like a slide into your code. Looking for NOP sleds - malware scanners. However whole lots of way to write NOP sleds without NOP.

If you find vulnerabilities, into will go into the National Vulnerability Database and CVN (Common Vulnerabilities and Exposures) and CNA (CVE Naming Authority). 

Responsible disclosure - If you find a vulnerability, tell the vendor then CERT(eg CERT Australia). or you can sell it to the bad guys!

OWASP Top 10 list should know for top 10 vulnerabilities. Essentially the same every year!

BUG PUZZLES - Check slides

Example 1 - Integer overflow for the length. Get_user_length is UNSIGNED, but length is signed.  Lots of implicit conversions between sign and unsigned. Then read will read the overflowed length value since read() takes in an unsigned length value, which might be bigger than 1024.

Example 2-  Optimistic indenting 

ASSETS

Security is to protect your assets. Sometimes we protect the wrong assets. Cold war - I wonder if the world will be here tomorrow?  The most important asset is to protect mankind. 

Door bell on the car - If you placed that in the car it went ding dong in his house. $5 car alarm first step into brilliance. What are you going to do when the ding dong happens? Might run down there and get killed!! The real asset is the window of the car, not the money! Leave the window open! Got wallet stolen, but got AIDS. Easy to protect the wrong thing. 

At the uni’s security review was all machines. Uni assets are students, reputation, user data, staff. The trick is, what you should do is the assets - what are you trying to protect? Ask people - junior, senior people. Review the list of assets every year/month. Real weakness is something you don’t see - blind spot. Try and find the things you haven’t seen. 

Strategies for Identifying the Assets

Regularly surveying the values of people of the involved in what you are protecting. Multiple pairs of eyes is a good asset.

Develop a sensible plan - well designed to tease this information out of them. Humans are generally poor at regurgitating everything they know, however they are generally very good critics.

Periodically revise current list of assets. Don't set and forget. Values and assets of an organisation can drift.

Examples

Team America

Richard's wallet vs Richard with AIDS

Car doorbell

Leave windows open?

Share registry - no more paper trails, everything is recorded electronically. Land title database was privatised. What are the risks?

Coke formula

Parliament - a collection of people that hold particular importance together.

Valuing the Assets - Defining what is important

Categorising types of assets

Tangible Assets: Those that are easily given a value

A gold chain valued at some relatively static amount

The jewellery in a jewellery store.

Intangible Assets: These cannot be easily and objectively be valued

Company secrets

Availability of services

Employee Morale & Security

Customer information

* Monetary + psychological/emotional costs

* Difficult <> Don't do

Examples:

Company secret - what is at stake?

QOS Guarantees

Strategies for assigning values to assets

Survey what many people think

no single person or group should be solely evaluating the assets&semi;

Examples of the information that should be gathered are as follows:

"How much money would you lose where this data center to go down for 24 hours?".

"How much will you lose if your company is disconnected to the internet for 3 hours?".

Examples

In assessing the value of a park

Picasso

Diffie-Hellman - Only provides confidentiality and integrity? Does not provide authentication. 

Web of Trust (PgP) - Research this

Public Key Infrastructure (PKI)

SSL/TLS

Read Bruce Schneier's paper https://www.schneier.com/academic/paperfiles/paper-pki.pdf

passports (links photo with name, certified by office)

x509 certificates (links public key with domain (and maybe some other info))

padlock in your browser

look at some certs

CAs, root certificates, RAs, pay money to browser manufacturer??!! (check out your web browser)

conflicts of interest

most google search pages on SSL written by vendors

it was the blockchain of the 2000s

self signed, domain verification, organisational verification, extended verification.  (ha!)

what if anything are the risks of self-signed?

safety vs identity

the green bar

session keys - the TLS handshake (4 keys)

why use session keys rather than using RSA for all?

wildcards

3 main certificate authorities: Symantec, Comodo, GoDaddy

homework : find examples of (serious) fraudulant certificates being issued

Certificates don’t protect against gooooogle.com

TLS handshake example

BUG BOUNTIES (From notes, I lost mine)

Crowd-Sourced Bug Bounty Websites

Public: Hackerone, bugcrowd

Private: Synack

Often have criteria of whats in/out of scope, as well as what kind of bugs they won’t accept. For example websites that they don’t want you touch

Tips

Learn web apps

Usea a wide scope → bigger net = more bugs

Look for software updates, or assets that have recently changed

Look for publicly disclosed reports → Can see prior bugs that have been found/exposed. If a bug has occurred once, theres a chance it will occur again

Pentesting  (From notes, I lost mine)

Fuzzing

Automate process - a program that continually adds input

Some fuzzers are aware of input structure, and some even are away of program structure

Fuzzers aren't precise, but can test a large amount of inputs

Fuzzing software - afl (the way to go apparently)

Mutation strategies - bit flips, byte flips, arithmetic, havoc (combination

Use fuzzing to test your own software

Homework: Do the fuzzing tutorial

[catwlw-archive]

ok taking a break from writing some cute stuff to do this as a way to study bc I'm taking the final test to get me OUT OF THIS COURSE tomorrow!!!!!

also I'm tired and too lazy to bold things to make thks look cleaner I'm so sorry

so schools r funded right??? before they can be funded, there r two questions a district/state must ask:

the equity question: does each school across the state have the same funding? and

the adequacy question: is there enough funding so that students can effectively achieve?

(there was the kentucky education reform act (kera) that stated that every child in the state had the right to an adequate education!!)

there r other funding questions:

1) how much will each source pay?

2) is there equity in the distribution?

3) are the resources adequate so that all students can achieve the identified outcomes?

the primary sources of school funding are property taxes, sales/use taxes, and income taxes

the state uses sales and gross receipt taxes, income taxes, licenses, and miscellaneous things!

-

now I'm discussing school boards and school administration staff N stuff ok

so the school board has powers and duties n stuff:

- to obtain revenue

- to maintain schools

- to purchase sites n build buildings

- to purchase materials and supplies

- to organize and provide programs of study

- to employ necessary workers and regulate their services

- to admit and assign pupils to schools and control their conduct

the central office staff: the superintendent of a school works w a staff to carry out the district's program of edu

principals have duties too:

- instructional leadership

- building community relationships

- supervise staff

- select teachers and monitor their performance

- deal w students

- watch over the building and grounds

- administrate the attendance office (is administrate a word idk i wrote it differently in my notes shhh)

- take care of budgets!!

- share these responsibilities w assistant principals

support staff include: secretaries, custodians, etc

there are also department heads / team leads who:

- communicate and coordinate their grade or team

- meet w the principal from time to time and bring that info back to their departments

there are also instructional specialists who are basically hq expert teachers

there's also the state board of edu, that has two types of functions:

- regulatory functions: has the authority to establish rules and regulations that limit and permit action

- advisory functions: can only offer suggestions and indicate preference for action

the state legislation is generally responsible for creating, operating, managing, and maintaining state school systems; the governor can veto school legislation

-

that accountability keeps coming up: reminder, it's a school's obligation to take responsibility for what students learn

there's a thing called a value-added system that basically links higher test scores w teachers being good lol

there are concerns about that^ though, bc: students are not taught by the same teachers year to year and student performance is influenced by multiple things

teachers who have good improvement n stuff can get rewards like focused evaluations, financial rewards, and training programs

-

gotta know this theory thing next

it's called the child benefit theory and it:

- addresses the use of public funds for secular services (transportation, testing, textbooks, etc)

- services MUST benefit the student (not the school,, not a church, NOTHING BUT THE STUDENT)

- the nclb allows for funding for private school students!

- also upholds the limited use of title i funds at private schools

also gotta know ferpa. ferpa is the family educational rights and privacy act (aka the buckley act) and was enacted by congress in 1974; it governs who may see school records and under what conditions

-

teachers must have certain dispositions, like having enthusiasm for teaching, advocating continuous learning, and believing all children can learn

u alsp gotta know the diff between enabling laws and administrative laws and case laws:

- enabling laws are laws that come from the constitution that make it possible for educators to do certain things

- administrative laws are rules and regulations created by the executive branch that impact educators through the us department of edu

- case laws are laws that emerge from federal and state court cases

teachers also cannot show negligence or commit educational malpractice, and teachers have liability!!!!!

-

ok I could make a second post for this last section but the first one here was quite short anf I know this last one is also short so !!!!!! here we go again it's a double whammy:

first off, there r academic content standards. these are: formal, public statements of what students should know and be able to do in each of the content areas at various points in their pk-12 edu

there are curriculum guides. these are: documents prepared at the state or local district level that provide detailed info to help teachers plan instruction

-

there's also assessment knowledge that an aspiring teacher must know,,, like the purpose of assessment (the ultimate reason is to help students learn! there r two types: formative and summative)

so there r assessments FOR learning and assessments OF learning as well

- assessments FOR learning: both summative AND formative; include: student essays, projects, portfolios; they determine how deeply the students understand the content

- assessments OF learning: summative only; standard tests; they basically determine who moves forward

there are types of assessment measures as well: diagnostic, norm-referenced / criterion-referenced, capstone / summative

and performance measurements: called authentic assessments; learning logs and journals, (port)folios, interviews, observations, student products and projects, rubric

-

there's this thing called school reform. they're comprehensive programs to bring about school-wide changes in curriculum and instruction; their intention is to increase learning outcomes for all students

there are professional learning communities which are teams of teachers who work together to improve student learning; they develop common goals, determine ways to meet the goals, implement different approaches, and collect data to determine if the approaches met their goals

there's the school improvement process which is:

- an approach for gradual improvement of school curricula

- team of principal, teachers, team leads, department chairs, and parents

- they hold meetings to determine how well students are performing

- they identify specific targets that everyone will work on in the next year

there's a thing called success for all that's developed around the core assumption that all children can read!!

a school development program is a research-based, comprehensive k-12 edu reform program grounded in the principles of development; teams are guided by 3 principles (decision making, problem solving, and collaboration); promotes adult-student interactions necessary for good student development and academic learning in school

and theres this thing called "essential schools" that i forget if it's literally or like a ??? specific like??? act or whatever but either way:

- needs to master common core skills

- promotes vision of schooling in which students engages in in-depth and rigorous learning

- has principles which include: using ur mind w focus on learning goals, attempting to apply the goals to students, personalizing ur teaching and the students' learning, and student performance yo

-

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST!!!

common core state standards (ccss): a set of standards that describe knowledge and skills that students need for success in college and careers; their intent is to develop standards that focus what is most essential, to make standards that are learning-centered, and to focus on the expectations for student learning; there are debates and concerns tho bc it's available to all states, but adoption is voluntary/optional and the standards will expand until it's a national curriculum and states really don't like taking the same tests as other states