#theres nothing wrong with the game its just me personally thats petty and upset that this game is gonna have everyone talking while nsr is

[mosswoodgrove]

"like nothing youve ever played before!" uh huh

[yfczangel777]

No one cares but I just gotta say... I know its super petty and I know Bungie themselves probably could give a shit less but killing Cayde.... aka: literally the reason I ever picked up Destiny in the first place.... has lost them any future sales of DLC (or even another destiny game) from me. I’m not doing it as protest or like “hmpf that will show them!” 

So maybe its not “petty”... I’m not doing it for petty reasons...

Not at all

I’m doing it for my own damn sanity. My game still has Cayde in it... he lives on in my game because I refuse to get the Forsaken expansion or any future expansion.

 IF one day they ever bring him back somehow... I will then buy and catch up on all the sad expansions because then I can end up getting him back in the end and dont have to be depressed about it. But they’ve given me very little hope that they’ll ever do this, making it pretty clear he’s gone for good. 

So I’m content to end my Destiny experience here with just my un-updated game and my alive-Cayde. 

This is just a personal thing. 

I do think it a little silly of them to ave gotten rid of their star poster-child but you know... *shrug*   

From a storytelling standpoint theres nothing wrong with it and it could even be called a good choice with the story telling. Angsty and upsetting and powerfully emotion evoking: yes... and thats a good thing from a story telling pov.

But its just not compatible with me. 

As someone who finds joy in and “bonds” with fictional characters as strongly as I do... I can’t do the death thing. I’d prefer to pretend it never happened. I just need more happy endings. The world is full of sad things and disappointing ends that can’t be avoided... at least in fiction I’d like to think a happy ending is always attainable because its ones own creation. 

And silly as it is... I care for these characters that the creators breathed to life... even though I know they’re not real.

So yeah. Cayde’s fate made the rest of the DLC not for me. I don’t want to watch that, play that, or feel that, 

I barely survived the ending of ffxv... lmao... not going through that kinda hell again if I don’t have to~  sorreh

But yeah sorry rant over..

no one’s probably gonna read it anyway but it feels better to put thoughts and feelings in writing regardless so yeah~ 

[ghggeg]

we’re doing it!  we’re making the post!

it feels like pure shit that i thought i was being abused and people who were supposed to be my friends continued this narrative of “my girlfriend is abusing me and subduing me and there is simply nothing i can do about it”.  i hate that they said it to my face like they were saving me from something.  like how do i have autonomy but i really dont apparently.

so anyway i had a psychotic breakdown because i thought my girlfriend was hurting me and i guess that didnt do well either.  i guess i was wrong to be talking about my fears on the internet.  i was scared of my girlfriend but i was scared of my friends because i felt like i was being manipulated just for the sake of “being on a side”.  and i got reached out to once and i said “im venting” because i was scared i was being watched and recorded and i guess.  i guess that meant it was all over.

i ask how my friend is doing, my six year friend, how theyre doing after they fucking maybe break their foot.  i get told “thanks for reaching out” like this impending drama hadnt hit days earlier.  like im not genuinely capable of being concerned when i found out Someone Was In The Hospital and they were once very close to me and I thought we still had a chance of reconnecting.  maybe they just needed time away from me since i was having a psychotic breakdown and everything was still fresh.  they sure did block and remove me on everything immediately after my breakdown.

i really need to indicate again that one of the main workers of this problem.  told me she was giving me the benefit of the doubt because i was in therapy.  i tried to kill myself.  thats why i was in therapy.  because i attempted suicide by overdose.  because im living in a fucking pandemic and felt like i was losing all my friends.  but i didnt even think i could tell her that.  because i was already in “the benefit of the doubt”.

and now it’s like i feel like ive lost my soul.  i dont know what i did so wrong.  i dont know why it’s so easy for people to think im being mean or petty or whatever.  i dont feel like i can recover from this and i feel like im bringing everyone else down to hell with me.  im still suicidal but now it feels like the only option because i dont have anything else.

and now it’s like.  i dont know.  i havnt interacted with them or talked to them or even like looked at their social media since then but it still just feels like someones going to come after me.  i dont think they trust id just stay away but i dont want to say that about someone when ive genuinely been stalked and i know sometimes paranoia gets the best of you. im hoping its paranoia.  if it exists at all.

and then theres like this dumb fucking rumor my girlfriend is cheating on me or something or shes upset at me because im asexual.  every single other person on the planet seems to have a problem with me being asexual except for her. my girlfriends not fucking cheating on me.  i asked her to fuck other people because it’s more comfortable for me.  shes the one who didnt want to do it.  i pushed it for years until she was ready to do it.

shes not fucking replacing me.  shes not abusing me.  i told you all who i thought was the problem. i  always tell people who i think is the problem.  if you dont fucking listen to me, it’s not time to play games and try to play 6D chess with my life.

my girlfriend is just getting lied on for the sake of perpetuating some shit.  i had concerns voiced to me about my girlfriend both cheating on me and abusing me during the conversation that ended in this dumb ass cesspool of shit.  it’s none of your fucking business.  it’s one thing to say “this is manipulative behavior”, it’s another thing to say you need to protect me from my girlfriend because shes been lying to my face to get her way.

im so fucking depersonalized because everyone thinks the issues i have are not the ones i have.  i already want to die because i feel like i lost everything and have no idea why.  i already felt depersonalized for the past year and wanted to kill myself to get away.  stop fucking making problems where there dont need to be.