#theres nothing wrong with making an ending!
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if i have anything "positive" to say its that honestly? to all my fellow poc especially my fellow queer poc: you dont Have to be strong right now. you dont Have to be brave you dont have to instantly know what to do you dont have to instantly focus all of your attention onto other people. there will be time for you to recover, but today, let yourself be upset for the sake of being upset. you dont have to turn your anger into something productive. you can just be angry and sad and "weak". its okay to cry. its okay to mourn. and its okay to just feel your emotions without making them into something productive and useful.
crying isnt a white thing. being sad isnt something only liberals do. its a human experience to feel shocked and upset when youve just received awful news and theres nothing wrong with taking a day to yourself. the world wont end without you there to carry it.
#critter.og#im ESPECIALLY talking to my fellow black folk#all of us already live our entire lives being strong and supporting everyone else around us#take a break. even just for a day. not for anyone elses sake. just your own#your life is worth it as an individual. as a person. not just a machine chugging out constant energy to keep the world turning
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Thinking about the hockey au...
Wally trying to get better and better, spending all his time at the downtown skating rink trying in vain to improve (he's already the best, he tells himself... Barnaby is just slightly better).
Barnaby wondering why his best friend is pulling away, no longer spending time with the team (Did Barnaby do something? He doesn't know, and the thought hurts more than he's willing to admit.. Wally is his best friend, after all).
Just... thinking about the hockey au
#my thoughts#hockey player! au#welcome home au#welcome home#there are so many things about this au i want to ramble about#and no i dont really see myself writing a set 'timeline' or anything#I think its better told as a lot of loose scenes#but! may do mini comics of different scenes i think would look good drawn#i dunno though#ive personally always preferred keeping my characters and au's without a set 'end' if that makes sense?#making an 'end' for my stories feels... wrong#because what if i have more ideas?#what if i want to add little scenes or characters?#theres nothing wrong with making an ending!#i just choose not to#:)
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sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs
#i know the ahem. channel. of some awe....... that whole situation kind of scared people off from using the word review#but like we live in the future now. you can make a review. i believe in you#AND LIKE i like a good video essay!! but im picky. because i read academic shit for fun#when i see a capital E essay im expecting theses. im expecting sub headers. im expecting multiple examples AND footnotes with asides#(and i know this is a controversial topic but i do expect them to be long. because if you read aloud a 4 page journal article its gonna)#(take a bit of time LOL maybe i just read too much academia shit. but i dunno man. theres not a lot you can say about like a big huge)#(topic with multiple angles if you only have like 10 minutes. maybe i just talk too slow. i need to breath <3 )#theres other formats too. surveys. retrospectives. informative essays. persuasive essays. etc#and like i also read lots of reviews not just of like movies and books but of like gallery exhibitions and shit!! they can be extremely#interesting a lot of work and some really beautiful writing!! nothing wrong with a review!!! theyre important#but i do get annoyed with like. the odd air of pretention i see in a lot of video essays. especially cause its usually not backed up by#the content. i dont care for those airs in academia either. nor do i like it in documentaries#just talk naturally. you'll find your voice. there might be pretention in it in the end but it'll be yours#if im making sense. i hear a lot of people talking in a pretention that is not their own. something they put on because thats what they#think they should do. you need to find your own pretention. be pretentious in a way that feels natural to youuuuuu#hell im being pretentious. about this LOL but like its my own. it is a pretentiousness ive built over the past half decade#play around. write a blog. i dunno. find your voice dear youtubers. find your voice
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...
#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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I think a factor a lot of farming/crafting sims completely forget to include is the aspect of, not just being self-sustaining, but being part of a community and providing for that community. They sometimes put in side quests and stuff where you hand out resources to folks, but, like, a lot of the time you don't need to actually farm much because you aren't even selling your products, or they don't sell for much.
The simple solution, and easiest way to add depth to the farming (because another common problem is the farming lacks depth and can be fully automated without really interacting much with it like it's a chore to eventually overcome rather than the main gameplay loop) is having a rating system. 1-5 stars, higher yields, special yields, one or all of these depending on how well you care for your animals or fertilize your crops. While it can be tedious due to the game's unecessarily slow scaling, I think tale of two towns did this the best by including all of these for the animals and different actions for attaining each. It should feel like more than just a daily button click.
A good farming sim should have you spending lots of time actually working your farm, not because of the scale of the farm, but because of the depth of the care you can put into it. And the time off the farm should be spent interacting with the community in a more in-depth and cyclical way that makes your character feel a part of it. That's the key to those cozy vibes.
#farming sim#THIS is why i hate farm sims that have combat and other elements slapped on#not just because they arent what i was looking for#but because it becomes clear theyre meant to take up the bulk of your time in game instead of farming#which means the farming isnt fleshed out and youre spending most of your time away from your farm#which is supposed to be the main gameplay but the gimmick addition is what ends up most fleshed out#because at the end of the day these farm sims are made by people who like survival games not farming games#they enjoy the self sufficiency not the actual farming#thats how a lot of american made farm sims feel anyways#dont mind me just ranting about farm sims again...#anyways#sprinklers my beloathed#theres theoretically nothing wrong with you but every time i see you especially if you have upgrades i know the gameplay will be mid#btw sims 4 has better gardening than half the farming sims and thats sad#but sims 4 has a quality system and not just watering but weeds and pests and hybridization and grafting#and you have multiple avenues to sell your products of varying depth with the community#anyways sorry for yet another rant about 'people who make and play indie farming sims dont actually enjoy farming sims'
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if any of my american friends see this, I understand what you're going through and I care you
but jesus fucking christ is it annoying to watch every social media feed just. flooded with doomerism and whining... I know this is just a sub product of american global influence as a whole but it's just frustrating and tiring to have to be invested in one single country's politics cause they're gonna bite everyone's ass. this behavior isn't unique either, this happens after any election, it's just when it's other countries they do that in their segregated "side of the internet" and americans are the whole internet so that's literally all everyone is seeing right now
and I don't wanna say this, cause I get the panic, I really do, been there done there but guys.... you're not special. your fascistic government didn't become suddenly fascistic overnight and it certainly isn't a Unique brand of evil, it's as conservative as the rest of the world's major powers right now! you just didn't care about that as long as you had the illusion of personal safety. congrats! it's gone now. welcome to the real world, oh Regular White American who just suddenly realized they don't have as much say in the order of things as they thought they had! ! you're gonna be fiiiine. you're gonna be fucked over but you're gonna survive just like the rest of the world being fucked over by your stupid government (except for the people it had and continues to kill, obviously)
fuck, this sounds really evil and mean and everyone and their mother are already at each other's throats but ghrrrrrhh I just need to get this frustration out somewhere
#vent#i guess#there's also an even meaner part of me rn that's laughing and screaming 'oh you get it now? you finally get how it feels to be powerless#against an overwhelming conservative majority choosing your fate for you???'#welcome to the fucking club buckos!!#please i hope the people I'm talking about just scroll by#but I'm over here consoling people like 'hey dude the politics sucks even more where i live and I'm fine you're gonna be fine too'#and get hit with 'yeah it helps to hear about places that suck it makes me feel like theres hope for me v.v' like dude.#you thought usa was paradise where nothing could go wrong or smth???#or that any other place on earth with less personal freedom is inherently unlivable and can only be thought of as 'thank god I'm not there'#i get the sentiment. i really do but man being on the other end of 'glad I'm not *there*' is so fucking othering#and I'm not even from anywhere in the global south not even from places it's past personal freedom and straight into being KILLED#and it's not like I'm exempt from this sort of behavior either but MAN..... not even talking about how palestinians are treated rn#cause this has been called out ad nauseam by people way more well-worded than me#this was supposed to be a vent post or smth? i lost my track of thought. gonna hit post and go offline and delete this later
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the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?
to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.
#regret here meaning less feeling the emotion of actual regret obviously because time lords do not actually funxtion on unicorn rules. they#already get sad just fine on their own. no humanity needed for that.#but i dont know. i just dont think he brushed it off so easily. i think he did a hell of a job convincing himself he did.#and what better way then to twist his own great works and destroy the species he was working so hard to save at the end of the universe.#but what about the knowledge that he *could* be that person. that somewhere in him exists a version that wanted to save people.#a version that is painfully too much like the doctor. even. now is that part worse or better than the human part?#but if past regenerations are ghosts i think yana deserves a haunt.#anyway maybe ignore this one im rambling about nothing here#theres just. i dont know. what if you were the last of your kind and in surviving you made yourself Not Like Them in a way you’ll never#escape.#i mean doctor who is just so concerned with all these plots about hybrids and children of the tardis and clones and What Makes A Time Lord.#but they’re so obsessed with it in just. a very Lore way. is what it feels like. we get brushes of more like with jenny and how she’s#physically a time lord and the doctor denies her that inheritance. a shared suffering…#but me myself im just fascinated with the doctor and the master as the time lords who survived. but they survived Wrong#its. its. children of gallifrey that don’t belong to her anymore. you know?#i dont care if river’s got time lord dna!!! or the metacrisis is physically human!!! i dont care!!! talk to me about what it means beyond#their blood and bones!!! what’s it like to have your sense of self stripped from you like that!!!#what’s it like when so much of you is the shed skin of time lords past. but one of you was human. one of you was painfully *humiliatingly*#human!!!#enough about how much dna you need to count as a time lord. i want to know how much they can mutate until they can’t be recognized as one.#does that make sense?
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why can i literally not function at school like i swear i'm trying i just can't focus????
#luc posts#like i take notes but then i get bored and the doodle on the side of my page thst was meant to take 5 seconds took 10 minutes :(#and then im lost and bc im lost i get all fidgety and i keep doodling and then jts just a cycle#if i work for 20 minutes i feel like ive ran a marathon and i have to take a 40 minutes drawing/staring into the distance break#and im gonna fail maths but theres literally nothing i can do no matter what i do I can't focus for over 20 minutes at a time#and then its the end of class and i feel guilty bc oh i didnt do any work :( like i feel bad and i want to fix it but idk whats wrong so ho#can i fix it if i dont know whats wrong with meeeee#ugh#it literally makes me want to cry am i just lazy is that what it is am i literally useless why cant i work#like i was so ahead kf the average grades and i never learnt to study and now ugh i dont know how to function so i just dont#and it doesn't help that my friends are all geniuses#like they complain about their one mark away from full marks and im just like OH MY GOD if i could just focus then i coukd do so well#likr ok i guess i wont mention tjst i failed that test bc yall sre complaining about getting one mark off fukl makrs#likr fuckkkk okay i have so mucb potential why di i waste jt :(((((#i hate school so mucb#i genuinely consider dropping out sometimes like I CANT DO THIS hiw do these peiole di ut how hiw how someone tell me how to function#like these peiole getting top marks withiut eben truijgn and i tyr and i cant fishcis so i fail snd then ufh i want to die#bc its so embarassing i eas like top 10% of the class a few years ago and now i just cant function like how do these peiple do itso#someone explain ot me how oieolem focus and dony get distracted and ginish things kike ugh
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aroace joy vs aroace loneliness fight
#im saying that as someone who IS aroace if this ends up in discourse territory somehow#sometimes i think it's some form of internalized arophobia and it probably is a little at least#but i just feel so wrong and lonely thinking about the future#because i love the idea of being in love (as one can tell) but i just don't love people like that#and aside from any other self worth and confidence issues involved in obtaining a partner it just seems unfair to them you know#that id never be able to love them in that way#before anyone says qpr i am WELL AWARE!!! but then we go back to the Other Issues#besides its so easy to find other aros online but irl nobody really understands#so its kinda hopeless#ive always wanted to get married and have kids of my own !!! like genuinely i love the idea of it#but i doubt id ever find someone who would like#want to be a secret 3rd thing with me and get platonically married and raise kids or smth#and then theres the whole thing about me probably not being a good parent or being able to even afford to have kids so like. GRGRRARARSRR#cant win#ive accepted the fact im gonna be alone but it doesn't make it any happier. it feels like theres something wrong with me you know#but on the other hand i love being aroace its such an integral part me??#and it makes me so happy to be apart of the community and to know its okay#that there are people who understand the Lack#and even in the specific ways i do!!!#so its like so. aughhghhghh#saying this feels like a betrayal because i know theres nothing wrong with not#finding love. i heavily criticize the idea that people need love in their life to be fulfilled.#i feel like im wrong on both ends. to want it AND not feel it#personal posts and stuff idk#cw vent#aethers rants#sorry to be a party pooper i think its getting a bit cloudy and its getting to me
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processed some trauma i think
#i did a lot of things very wrong when i was a teenager but also i was a teenager and everything was difficult#i feel bad for how i ended some of my friendships over the years bc it was often like.#they were clearly struggling. something was deeply wrong with all of my friends home lives. deadly serious things. molestation abuse etc#but when i was 14-16 that was extremely difficult for me to contextualize. i knew it was bad of course i wasnt stupid#it was more just. i didnt have the life experience to know just How Much it affected a person.#that type of shit can obliterate healthy functioning adults. the type of behavior it invokes in teens can be fucking UNPARALLELED#it affects your entire brain and body. i dont think theres a single part of you thats left completely undamaged.#in retrospect i now recognize that there was more i could've done. i could've talked to my parents more and i really dont know why I didnt.#i think I just felt like nothing could be done?#and there probably wasnt much that could be done#but idk. it could've helped me process it which could've helped them process it.#and as important as i think compassion is. even towards people who can be viscerally unpleasant. i was a kid. not a social worker#it was the responsibility of the adults around us to make it better. and they either failed or made it worse.#it's just awful to think back on it and realize that we were all in this shit together. but the trauma ripped us apart anyway.#i really sincerely hope everyone from those dA chatroom days are doing better now. i hope they're safe. i hope they're not dead.#it's always going to bother me a little bit that i have no way of knowing what happened to any of them.
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there are two wolves inside of you: one feels impending doom at the thought of tomorrow’s race. the other feels immensely hopeful that oscar will get his first win tomorrow or at the very least a mclaren 1-2. you are a formula one fan.
#i’m literally about to fucking throw up#this race doesnt even start for another 8 hours but i feel actually sick#like this is keeping me up#(yes i have a TOTALLY normal and healthy relationship with this sport)#you guys literally dont even understand the ways of which i need oscar to get his first win tomorrow#like i can literally feel it in my bones i just KNOW he can do it#like i know he can and i really feel like tomorrow is the day for it#however i am very very scared that the more i keep thinking about it and saying it the more i am jinxing it#like i’m literally imagining everything that could possibly go wrong#but i’m also beautifully imagining the way that oscar is going to get a perfect start and overtake lando (so sorry lando)#and build a big enough gap to where he can win the race#i need the mclaren pitwall to lock the fuck in today like i am nowhere near joking when i say i will start hysterically sobbing#if they fuck it up#alternatively i will start hysterically sobbing if oscar/lando wins so really theres no winning for me in that sense#but also i cannot even imagine the amount of pressure that both lando and oscar must be under right now#like i do not know how they do it because imagining it is further making me sick#me when i develop an anxious attachment style to two drivers and also an entire sport#lol#didnt have that on my 2024 bingo#anyway so im lraying to fucking god that the race goes okay because otherwise im killing myself#and i think i am perfectly valid in saying that#im also getting lunch with my two other friends who watch f1 a few hours after the race tomorrow#so regardless the race is going to be talked about but it will very much vary oh whether or not its good or bad#anyway im going to stop talking about this now because ive been doing nothing but talking about it all day#and i like genuinely need to shut the fuck up#SO i am going to hopefully go to sleep#we’ll see how this ends up going for me#lacey talks
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it is interesting to me that ive seen lately (n yknow this is subjective and likely not any real social force just what ive seen) many queer people simultaneously talking about taking back and embodying unpalatable and ‘unmarketable’ queerness (the recent return to the terms faggot and transsexual come to mind) which i think is pretty evidently shaped by the conservative moment were in of demonizing queer ppl and especially gnc and trans people as predators--it reads as a return to queer isolationism in the face of external hostility, imo--while at the same time ive seen a lot of rallying around the “original” 6 stripe rainbow flag as opposed to any of the purportedly ‘factional’ flags of different queer identities, with the assumption being different identity flags divide us while the rainbow flag encompasses everyone and its kinda fascinating to me bc the rainbow flag is probably the single most marketable and palatable and uncontroversial symbols of queerness which has been seamlessly uptaken by those who wish to sell it back to us as gets pointed out every pride month with all the cringey pride merch.... i dunno you could maybe take that as a point of hypocrisy and claim the queer community is itself in a conservative moment rn where its returning to a sense of history and historical continuity (perhaps even out of that sense of external threat) or even that the queer community has for some time been in a conservative moment given the like, decade of identity discourse and lashing out at any people deemed to not have a sufficiently established history or however we should categorize the bihets/ace discourse/transtrender-tucute discourse/pan discourse/bi lesbians discourse (because lets be frank its essentially all the same discourse just keeping up its momentum by leapfroging from one target to the next) which i think is, like, SOMEWHAT true but not entirely? its more interesting to me, in any case, as an expression of a conflict the queer community is facing given that current state of affairs RE antitransness and that very recent history. like, the simultaneous need to retreat to a safe sense of community which is welcoming to the very things the outer world is demonizing ie mutable gender, complex or contradictory experiences of gender, gender expression which is hostile to the cis binary, but also the ways in which it has to grapple with those discourses which have largely defined the community infighting for again the past decade. its queer people begging the question ‘how can we make the queer community welcoming to the girlfags and genderfucks and tboys who are being threatened when we have spent so much time making the queer community a hostile place for anyone with a non-conventional or not easily (or even just palatably) sortable sense of queer identity’. and the answer it seems to be grappling with at the moment is like, welcoming all that diversity of experience but being absolutely averse to naming it. yes we love all the fuckery with gender and sexuality never be marketable but like, ew, why are you calling yourself [insert microlabel here]. you can be genderweird but you cant call yourself genderweird. you can only exist as queer in the broadest possible way (the all-inclusive gay pride flag!) but if you try to name the specifics or use those identity labels weve been fighting over for years youre doing it wrong (the progress pride flag is now ugly and cringey and ‘too much’). i think theres something also to the way (at least on this site) transmisogynistic discourses have really taken hold as legitimate (though yknow i wont downplay how much a problem transmisogyny has like. always been in queer spaces no matter what) in the name of protecting n defending trans people. like its just regurgitated transmisogyny but its being mobilized supposedly in the service of helping trans people. idk its definitely getting a little late for me to string this together fully coherently but theres a throughline there, in the ways certain ideas are being consolidated and reified as ‘yes were more progressive now!’ when i think theres definitely something to question there in terms of like...are we? are we actually? are we doing better by the people were trying to help or are we setting strict standards and forcing ppl to adhere to them again?
#myposts#this is long and honestly probably Nothing#i dont even really have a way of proving its the same group of people saying both things except fro anecdotally seeing it#and even thats not proof either is a real social force with like power. i could be entirely wrong on every count here#but i do think theres something to the idea that like#as ive seen said#yknow 'ace discourse never ended you all just accepted ace people didnt deserve support and then moved on w those views internalized'#i think thats more broadly true for like. all those discourses i mentioned. and for the transmisogyny i alluded to#but honestly i dont even want to name the specific phenomenon im talking abt there bc those people. scare me.#but yknow ill say it ive felt way more pressure lately to not call myself pan than i did at the height of pan discourse#before it became cringe to care about it and instead of actively shitting on pan ppl we moved on to passively doing it#ive largely started just. calling myself bi to avoid the arguement. which i predicted i would have to do years ago#and now look at me doing it! not really a fluke that its happening now. i think#which isnt to say were moving 'backwards' per se but that these ideas are not now and never have been really challenged#so weve just internalized their logics--reactionary logics--and its having an interesting effect now that we need a progressive community#for our safety.#now we cant say anything about it because to bring it up is jeopardizing everything weve built and the people were keeping safe!#cause we dont count as people deserving of safety were disruptors who only belong when we dont make noise. idk. or thats how i feel#again i dont really know if this is true at all im more just...thinking through it i think#basically like what im seeing--i think--comes from simultaneously that need to be unmarketable in the face of hostility#coming into conflict with a decade of momentum to make queers solely marketable. and i think thats producing some interesting--but sucky#--discourses in the current moment#last disclaimer that i might and am likely totally wrong! okay lauren out. post send *nervous sweating*
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MAC MAC. SORRY I GOTTA RANT IN UR INBOX I’M HAVING MAD AT GENLOSS THOUGHTS. BUT THAT POST ABT THE BACKROOMS/POOLROOMS AND UR TAGS ABT WHAT YOUTUBERS DID TO IT GOT ME THINKIN. THIS IS THE EXACT PROBLEM WITH GENLOSS. ranboo took an already potentially scary concept—the deterioration of something when it’s been recorded over and over again until it’s incomprehensible, which could have been really cool if he had done it as an analog horror and made it so reality itself was deteriorating around them—and just fuckin. put Ooh Spooky Scary things in it and completely botched the concept. the fuckinggg. hey heres a big scary corporation CLEARLY WATCHING THE CHARACTERS!! ISN’T THAT SOOO SCARY AAAA!!!1! and the wire monster. and the “twist” villain hetch. the deaths. like. do u know brian david gilbert’s video Teaching Jake About The Camcorder??? that’s similar to what i wanted from genloss. if genloss was like some old video or show LIKE A SITCOM!! OR A GAME SHOW!! OR A HOME VIDEO!!! and the first season was was like almost completely normal and the second one was like a replay of the same episodes but Just Slightly To The Left and it progressed until it turned into something horribly irreparably distorted THAT WOULD BE COOL. THAT’S WHAT I WANTED. AUGH. PAIN. backrooms 🤝 genloss: oooh spooky scary monster makes things scary right??? ok sry i’m done i just HADDD 2 RANT. OK BYE
GODDDDD NO WHISKEY COME BACK UR SO SO SO SO RIGHT. I THOUGHT ABOUT GENLOSS AS I WAS WRITI G THOSE TAGS. actualy i was really thinking about the charlie/tommy/ranboo youtube vids where they just say "we're in the backrooms!11!1!" over and over again. like. aughghghhhg. god. genloss rlly is just ooooo let me shove this spooky scary thing in your face with 0 subtlety. there u go i have made horror. like thats NOT HOW IT FUCKING WORKS.
#will NEVER be over asters reaction to the big red button. we were on call and we both fucking SCREAMED over it#HE PUT A BIG RED BUTTON . IN THE HORROR SHOW#like that same exact scene would have been improved just by making it like. a big handle flip switch or something.#even that would have been more subtle than. big red fucking button#aster has this whole genloss rewrite that lives in my brain now. like. we couldve had it all.#theres so much that could have been just like. minor tweaks that would have improved it so much#theres no subtlety. theres no buildup. it's just BAM SHOCK VALUE. wow wasnt that scary#no it wasnt.#i haaaated the fucking monster at the end so kuch. i hated it . it made me so angry#like yes on its own it was really cool. in a different series it wouldve been great#but it was just SO fucking out of nowhere no buildup whatsoever . and i was there fir like 2 goddamn seconds.#oh whiskey jm so mad about genloss again . holy shit. that shit fucking sucked. 0 redeemable qualities im an enormous hater.#everything he could have done wrong HE DID WRONG.#there are a lot of the concepts that are so cool on their own and could have been cool if they were made by someone competent#HE EVEN WASTED THE GODDAMN NAME#like the meaning behind the fucking name is so cool. and he did NOTHING with it. fuck im so angry#asks#friends!!!#anachronistic-falsehood
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and maybe 5 sucks so bad because its coming right after 4 which is by far the best of the sequels and like. you cant top 4. amber WISHES she was jill roberts
#rot.txt#randi and i absolutely adore 4 so theres nothing 5 could have done that would make it a better ending to the series#they should have been done at 4. 6 has the chance to prove me wrong i guess but im not counting on it#im looking forward to kirby though i like kirby
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Only thing i have to do to move on from how bitch ass messy 5th grade me was that totally was out of her control is to kill that bitch
#cherry says#that really at the end of the day when i lashed out toward others was just mean#yes youre SOMETHING mentally wrong with you but what do others have to do with you?#what does bringing other people into ur anger and confusion and make u feel distracted from being alone achieve?#mad to your classmates in general are pointing out as a collective you as a presenting woman arent feminine enough nor light enough?#fuck them fuck off#mad to a new world coming that wants you to turn into something you dont even know? mad at this image of who you even wanna be?#whats the purpose of it#self sabotaging 5th grade me ....... i have to kill you and drive off with you in a shallow grave like nothing#i wish somebody was nice to you you stayed in the library forever you thought of peoples opinions less#because theres ways to love attention daily like nothing while not caring what they say#i wish somebody was your best friend since forever and never left you and stayed and stayed#but people move like book pages and so do you because this isnt love to yourself nor others around you#and thats why i have to kill you and leave you and not even give much ceremony for because i gave u enough power anyhow
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> be me
> never send asks bc im scared ill mess something up
> type up lots of asks but never end up sending them
> finally type up an ask i feel like i can send
> check over it a dozen times to make sure im not missing anything
> send
> didn't actually read urls right
> sent ask to wrong person entirely
> mfw
#ik theres supposed to be a picture if they put mfw just use ur imagination#maybe that one meme of the guy in the blue shirt smoking looking super resigned#its good its fun like its a small thing so im not upset upset but it is def frustrating that this kinda thing always happens to me#i already know i check and recheck things excessively its one of the reasons im like 99% sure i have ocd#but i still. always miss something big and obvious#not specifically with asks just in general things i spend forever going over to make sure theyre perfect always end#up having something glaringly wrong with it that i just somehow didn't process at all#it gets frustrating cause it starts to feel like no matter how hard i check itll never be enough but also that can't be true#because i almost never see this kinda thing happening to everyone else‚ people just Send Asks without having to spend an hour agonizing#over it and nothing ends up being wrong with it. so clearly they're doing /something/ to be able to notice that stuff and im just.#not doing that thing. but i dont know what else i could do it's always something i never even thought to consider#it's like the whole 'expect the unexpected' thing‚ something truly unexpected will be something i. cant think of#so how am is supposed to think it ahead of time#so yeah its. hard#im tryin to stay positive esp bc i know this really was a minor funny one not an actual Problem i caused but#s just a little hard sometimes when it feels like my brain wont cooperate with my no matter how hard i try to think
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