#theres more that i could explain but i actually think going in blind really adds to the experience

[electricpurrs]

and whats the name od the webcomic . huh

17776 is a webcomic that takes place in an utopic distant future where human beings have stopped dying, and now have been alive for thousands of years after all of humanity's problems have been solved, and they must seek new purposes. its also about american football. its complicated

you can read it here ^ i deeply deeply recommend 17776! its pretty short (you can binge read the first part in one sitting) and i deeply appreciate it as a piece of art, i think it tells a story because it has things to say and wants to use this format to express them. its funny, its moving and just a very special little thing that exists, i think. i really think everyone should check it out at some point!

[ghoulodont]

ok i want to make just one post about my thoughts & intentions from my latest fic. based on the tags/comments you all left it seems that overall everyone understood me. but theres one additional piece that i think i didnt represent well because its confusing, and that maybe would be hard to pick up on anyway because, again, its confusing.

i think dew is both aware and in denial in a way that might seem contradictory. he claims to know something is wrong, and that he knows it more than anyone else, but he rejects rains urging for him to actually address the problem. i suppose you could read it as him being deceptive in some way but i wanted him to be very very honest. he is genuinely struggling to wrap his head around these seemingly contradictory thoughts.

my intention was for this to parallel what i perceive to be an inherently contradictory aspect of psychosis. because what youre experiencing feels real to you, it sort of feels normal. it feels like something happening outside you. compare it to anxiety, for example -- both can be distressing experiences out of your control but anxiety is something that happens inside you (perhaps in reaction to external events, but the anxiety itself is yours), while psychosis, generally speaking, feels like it belongs to the outside world. in reality its an experience that isnt shared by others but it really feels like it is, or that it could be. maybe this is sort of obvious based on the definition of psychosis but i feel like just considering the definition doesnt quite do it justice.

and because it feels like it belongs to the outside world it can be challenging to confidently distinguish between things that are real to everyone and things that are real only to you. some external reality checking logic needs to be applied. again, maybe this is obvious. i guess what i really am trying to lead up to is how in this dichotomy between sensory experience and logic, its so hard to not believe your sensory experience, in a sort of lizard brain screaming at you way. it just makes so much more sense if your experience matches reality than to jump through a bunch of hoops reminding yourself why it doesnt. occams razor says you dont have schizophrenia.

this experience, which at its extreme would mean being unable to tell that you're unwell, is considered a core dimension of schizophrenia. people who get really medical and scientific with it will say its because of something happening in the brain (isnt everything?) but i think what i described above fully explains it. its confusing, so it makes sense to be confused.

honestly i think this adds to the conflict, that providers can be very quick to doubt your description of your own experience because they try to correct for this "blindness". its dehumanizing to be viewed this way. i really think it makes everything worse by playing into the "split" between ones thoughts and reality. i find myself not wanting to share things if i know im going to be argued with, and then by pulling away im losing one more point of contact with the outside world.

but besides all that i do think for dew theres an aspect of just plain denial & avoidance as well. a good 20% of the original blur turns to haze fic was about how miserable it is to take antipsychotics but it was mostly focused on the side effects. in my experience even once you find one where the side effects are tolerable its still unpleasant. in the same way antidepressants might cause you to feel somewhat emotionally blunted antipsychotics are like that x1000. they really do feel like a drug you give someone to make them shut up. maybe thats just me.

anyway, this is something i want to focus on in chapter 4 of you will die again...... which i am totally working on. i would be curious to know if this aligns with how you read the fic or not but no pressure of course

[i-simp-for-gintoki]

Teaching Sanji how to make a meal he’s never heard of

Did this for randomly for fun, idk the idea hit me as i was drinking coffee at 5am. this is completely unrevised and unedited so its probably all over the place knowing my tired self. 

Also a few of my irl friends know this acc and im suddenly im kinda hella embarrassed to post anything lmao

hrng theres always so much dialogue but im to lazy to add a background and stuff for a proper one shot aaaaa

it was a lazy day on the sunny

the next island was still quite a ways away so everyone was doing there own thing to pass the time

but you were feeling kinda hungry, so of course you call sanji over

arriving at your side in record breaking speeds he smiled as he grabbed your hand and kissed it

“how may i help you my love?”

you returned his smile and laughed

“im feelin kinda hungry, do you think you can make me something to eat?”

he seemed to glow at your request and nodded his head

“Of course i can y/n-swan! Do you have something in mind or should i just make the usual”

you tilted your head in thought as you thought of the dish

“Actually i do have an idea”

You told him the dish and expected him to immediately run off like always but instead he blinked

“Erm...can you repeat that please?”

Telling it to him once more, the blond frowned and closed his eyes in thought

“I don’t believe i’ve ever heard of this dish, do you think you can describe it?”

“Sanji, don’t tell me you’ve never heard of this dish before?!” you say, eyes wide with shock

And now he feels even more guilty than before

He knows that there are food and meals out there he’s never heard of, but now when your requesting one of them and he cant do anything about it? He feels awful

“I apologize y/n-swan. I’ll make you some--” you interrupt him by poking his chest “Nope you’re not gonna cook anything now” 

This time he’s the one whos surprised

“Bu-” “Alright Sanji, today im going to teach you one of the best meals out there” 

Grabbing his hand, you lead him to the kitchen with a smile

“Y/n-swan...you can cook??” “Of course i can! I may not be a pro like you are, but i know a couple dishes pretty well. Only reason you don’t ever see me in the kitchen is simply because im lazy. Plus i prefer your cooking more, feels like im eating food that only royalty deserves”

His heart seemed to explode at that, he quickly pulled you back into a tight hug

“Y/n-swaaaaan~! What did i do to deserve an angel like you?” you laughed and hugged him back equally as tight

Once you finally made it to the kitchen, the chef grew excited

Excited to learn a new dish, excited that you are the one teaching it to him, excited to taste his lovely s/o’s cooking for the first time

You turned to him and crossed your arms

“Alright, how do you want to do this? Do you want to do it while i explain the steps, or do you want to just watch me make it?”

He thought for a few moments. While he was tempted to do it himself, he really wanted to try your cooking 

“I’ll watch you do the cooking, but i’ll help prep if thats alright with you. Just tell me what to grab and ill get it!”

You nodded your head and begun to list the ingredients

Throughout the whole process, Sanji was much quieter than you had initially thought he would be

Much less fawning over your actions, and more determination and focus as his blue eyes watched every little thing you did

Every now and then he would ask some questions or clarification but he didn’t say much else

Though actually, i think he would randomly give compliments to you while you cooked 

Soon enough the meal was complete, and suddenly you became slightly self conscious about your cooking

“Alright Sanji, the plating is a bit messy, and the flavors are probably not up to your standards but-” “Nonsense. I’m sure it tastes amazing, after all you were the one to make it”

You sigh and place the dish in front of him

He inspects the dish for a few seconds, turning it around and smelling it, sometimes gave it a light poke or two before finally taking a bite

He closes his eyes as he chewed but they suddenly shot open

“This is really good!”

“Really? You don’t have to be nice you know, its fine if you dont like it” you say but he shakes his head

“No no, this is seriously really delicious! Amazing job y/n-swan! The seasoning is amazing and the texture is very nice, the flavor isn’t too strong or light its just right. This is a great dish that I will definitely try to make in the future”

You can’t help but get a bit flustered at the compliments

“Thats..thats very sweet of you to say thank you” 

You lean over the table and kiss his cheek

From that alone he had to fight against getting a nose bleed honestly

“Now eat up, i believe you were the hungry one after all” he says and you nod

“Sure, lemme just grab another plate and fork and we can split it” you say but he quickly stands up “Here, let me grab it for you. Its the least i can do”

Standing up, he walks towards where the dishes and silverware is but pauses

“Instead of dirtying more things, how about you let me feed you?” he asks with a cheeky smile

You roll your eyes with a smile, deciding to indulge him of his request you nod

“You know what? Sure why not”

Later on he would practice the dish and have you taste it to see if it was correct/to your liking

Unsurprisingly, It only took him a few attempts to nail it 

Another one to add his own flair to it and make it even better

And man, the proud grin he had when he served you this dish

Like many of his other dishes, he practiced it to the point where he could probably make this perfectly blind folded

He gives you a sincere thank you for teaching him a new dish

Will make it for you whenever you ask

But please make him more food, he absolutely loved your cooking and hope it wasn’t a one time thing

[edge-lorde]

the religion of the galactic horde

“You seem reluctant to help me. But I only wish to use your weapon to bring peace to the darkest corners of the universe. (Glimmer: Peace? If you activate the Heart of Etheria, there will be no one left.) Yes. No war, no pain. Old worlds swept aside, a new beginning for the universe.” --Horde Prime explaining his motivations to Glimmer

the horde in shera was definitely inspired by Christianity and uses a lot of its imagery, the most iconic being the baptism scene. it certainly gives off the vibes of a christian or christian adjacent cult, but what is its actual doctrine? i have some thoughts about that. 

first here are what i consider to be the 3 main differences between real christianity and the horde: 

Their jesus didn't ascend to heaven. He's still with them.

They don't have a larger creator god. They worship horde prime like he is a living god but they don't believe that he created the universe.

They have no focus on the afterlife

this is going to be long.

before i begin heres the sparknotes version of christianity for anyone not familiar. I am not evangelizing this, just think of it as LORE. 

Once upon a time there was a guy named Jesus. He was the son of the one true god, who both created everything in the universe, is everywhere and knows everything, and controls the afterlife. Jesus is god born as a mortal person, sent by god to teach all of humanity the errors of their evil ways so they can repent and go to the good afterlife when they die. There're two afterlives, a good one and a bad one, heaven is the good one and its run by god and his army of angels, which are divine beings that god can send to earth to do things. The bad one is called hell. 

Anyway, in his time on earth jesus was the only person ever to never do anything bad ever (called sin). He tried to teach people how to be good but was Too Good for this Cruel World and was killed. 3 days later he came back from the dead, proving his divinity. Some time after that however, he ascended into heaven without dying, telling his followers to spread the word because hes going to be coming back. Christians today are still awaiting his return. In the meantime, christians follow his teachings left behind in holy texts. 

The crux of christianity is to get to heaven when you die, and this can only be done by following the teachings of jesus christ, believing in god, and believing that jesus was the son of god. Its a given that everyone will do bad things at some point in their lives so you're supposed to pray to god and ask for forgiveness regularly and if you really mean it then god will forgive you. 

thats the basics. 

to my first main point from above, if we posit that horde prime is the jesus equivalent of the horde religion, because hes treated as a living god, his goal is to spread his philosophy throughout the universe, then in the horde religions jesus never ascended into heaven. this would be like if jesus in our world rose from the dead and just picked up where he left off, and never died after that and was alive today. that would be pretty good proof of divinity. 

to my 2nd point, theres nothing in the show that suggests that horde prime thinks that he created the universe. this means that he did not get his divinity from anywhere but inside himself, hes not claiming that hes the rightful ruler of the known universe for any other reason besides his ideas are the best. 

the 3rd point is that the show does show horde prime or the horde caring one bit about the afterlife, save for one line from wrong hordak.

"Brother, I hope you, too, are full of only love for Horde Prime and have no crippling doubt eating at your soul."

meaning that they have the concept of the soul. which is very interesting and ill get to it, but on the whole the hordes focus seems to be on the here and now. this is a huge departure from christianity because chrisitanity is all about getting to the afterlife. that is the reason that christians are supposed to follow christ and recruit as many people as possible to do the same, because if they dont, they or other people will supposedly go to hell when they die. i say supposedly because at funerals, even if the person who died wasnt a believer, in my experience no christian would ever ever ever insinuate that someone went to hell. 

but the difference still stands. following real christian ideology is supposed to have benefits for the individual in the afterlife, while in the horde religion salvation seems to only be found by submitting to prime in this life and being either a tool that he can use to further his goal of purifying the universe or by letting him remove you from it. 

on top of all that, horde prime has the hive mind, which he uses to control the thoughts of all his followers. this means that theres no room for a bible study, no need of a holy text at all in fact, and no room for interpretation. horde prime delivers orders to your brain directly and can tell if you think anything out of line. real Christianity does have the idea that a sin that you just think about doing is as bad as actually doing it, but in the horde these thoughts can be easily discovered and punished. 

the horde religion seems to me to be a strangely secular version of christianity with only the bad parts remaining; the control, the blind faith, the certainty that you are right and everyone else is wrong, the not questioning authority. with none of the good aspects like community, and good deeds. it is a cult in the truest sense of the word, a religion that begins and ends with one person only, that person being horde prime.

so, if you take horde prime out of the equation, what, if anything, would be left? 

i find the plight of the horde clones here to be the most interesting. we know that they do have thoughts about their religion, as it was hordaks belief that he could earn his way back into horde primes god graces that kept him going all those years in despondos, and wrong hordak is distraught when he discovers that horde prime lied about krytis. 

unlike both the chipped people we see in the show and real religious converts, the clones were born into this cult that values blind obedience only, and have no prior ideology or cultural identity to fall back on when they are taken out of it. 

so to answer this question, i must add some conjecture to horde primes backstory and how the clones see themselves in horde primes universe. I already wrote up a brief backstory idea for horde prime/the clones and have it posted on here somewhere. I'm not going to dig it up but you could probably find it in the #horde prime tag on my blog if you dig hard enough. 

To summarize it though, I have it as horde prime was once a regular (bad) dude who became a cult leader under the premise of preaching peace --> he becomes disillusioned with people and even his own followers because he doesn't actually like people, he likes manipulating them. --> this and the power of being a cult leader go to his head and he starts to think that he is the only person in existence capable of living a moral life and everyone else needs to be saved from themselves, the world would be a better place if he could just make everyone's decisions for them. --> he somehow gets a hold of the technology needed to set up the hive mind, be it by inventing it himself, stealing it, finding it, or being gifted it. 

I'll pause here to address the theory that horde prime was originally an eldritch being that simply possessed a dude who would become the template for the clones. I think there's enough stuff in the show that this is a valid read and might even be canon but i don't really care for it. For me, what makes horde prime a compelling villain is that he's a very human evil, so having him actually be an evil demon thing instead of a really bad but believable dude who got near ultimate power weakens his character. BUT, i’m not going to address it in my comic so i'll leave it open as to whether he's got that going on or not. If he is, the clones don’t know about it and neither they nor the other characters have any way of discovering it. IF he is though, it would happen here. I could see it being a cool idea for him to get the hive mind from the eldritch being that would then possess him and haunt his lineage for time immemorial as a deal with the devil sort of thing, but he has to be a bad person before that.

Anyway he gets the hive mind--> he gets all of his followers to chip themselves --> gets those people to chip everyone else on his home planet --> use his planet wide army to harvest all resources on the planet and build his first space fleet and take to the skies and start his conquest--> realize that if he is to succeed hes going to need to both become immortal and find a steady source of new followers because chipped people die eventually and he doesnt care about people enough to figure out a way to keep a self sufficient population of followers alive, he just wants people around to adore him and do his bidding--> invents his cloning system-->

and heres the big one,

his original body has to die so he can upload his consciousness into a new clone.  

and THAT, to the clones, would be the moment that horde prime becomes a god.

his reliance on the hive mind and vast network of followers are what give him his godly abilities, but just as the horde clones could not exist without being cloned from horde prime, so too could horde prime not exist as he does in the show without them. 

i see it as both a christlike sacrifice and a cyclical system of debt and sacrifice. horde prime dies for our sins, so that he might continue to purify the universe so that there will be no more death and more clones will be born, while the clone hes possessing has to essentially die by giving himself up entirely to become the new prime so all this can happen too, and to repay primes death. not all clones can become the next prime however, but all must be ready to die for him, hence horde prime having clone infantries despite also having robots he could send instead. 

i dont have clear thoughts about what the green goo is, but horde primes words about his brothers lending him their life force go along with this idea. the clones give him theyre life force, so he can give it back to them.

another interesting aspect of this is that prime always portrays himself as a brother to his followers, never a father as christ is portrayed as in christianity. i know this is from hordak and horde prime being actual brothers in the 80s show but ive seen this trope come up a few times in media before, where a man raises a kid but has them call him their brother instead of dad. it seems so deliberate. because a parents job is to take care of you, but a sibling, might take care of you sure, but thats not their job. its like hes deliberately trying to place himself on the same level as his ‘sibling’ so he can demand the same amount of respect you would give to a parent without taking on the responsibility to not... ya know... screw them over in the head? idk it seems very slimy to me. but that says more about prime as a character than how the clones see him.

and we still have the concept of the soul to fit in here somehow, and do they have an afterlife? im going to say no to the afterlife. theres just not enough in the show to go off of and everything that we do know about horde prime points to him only caring about himself in life. HOWEVER, there is nothing more quintessentially christian than the concept of hell and i think that will be of use here. 

since the creation of the clones is tied with the creation of their religion, this would put the clones themselves less as allegories of people who need to be saved and more as the horde version of angels. in my telling here, horde prime views all people who do not submit to his will as net negatives to the universe who have to be removed for peace to exist, so by this view the chipped people are the saved, the people that horde prime kills are the sinners, and his military campaign is one long apocalypse slowly working its way through the universe, with the clones carrying out his righteous judgement. but the afterlife isnt involved in this, so even if some chipped people are left alive, eventually they will all die out, and then it will be just horde prime and is clones in a perfect, peaceful starless sky, and thats what heaven is. 

getting to heaven is the main goal of real christianity and it is the same in horde religion, but heaven isnt a place in the horde cosmology, its a physical goal that has to be created. not all clones will make it to heaven of course, because most will die before they reach total destruction of the universe but the clones arent supposed to think of themselves as individuals anyway. they have to be willing to die for horde prime and die for the cause or be cast out and thats hell. 

i dont see prime as someone who would kill his own followers outright too often even though he could. plus they arent supposed to value their individual lives the same way normal people do anyway it doesnt seem like a real punishment, they need something worse than simple death to fear. so by my view hell for the clones is separation from prime. it can be in life or death. no matter how bad it is in the horde being on the outside of it has to seem worse, and thats where the concept of the soul comes in. when one is a part of the hive mine, their soul is with prime. they are not supposed to have a will or any thoughts beyond love for prime, its essentially the same as not having a soul but they think of it as being at peace. being cast out is to be never at peace and would be told to them as being the worst possible thing that could ever happen to someone because it corrupts the soul. 

“a lot of unpleasant things happen in the horde so just imagine how terrible it must be outside of it! you cant because i protect you from that. now get in the goo, this is for your own good” - horde prime probably 

this is why outsiders are so resistant to submitting to primes light and also why its ok to kill them, in the hordes view. 

so, to start wrapping thigs up, there is no horde without horde prime. the religion starts and ends with him. because he is supposed to be the only person ever to be able to make true moral and just decisions, without him is followers cant take any actions without worrying that they are going against primes will. since they have no holy text they cant extrapolate and try to figure it out either. its up in the air whether or not they are going to find a way to get the horde to make the jump from cult to regular religion.

its late i got to go to bed now

[ljgilbert]

MIDTERM; MOCK TRIAL CLAIM

Who: LJ Gilbert & Aaron Smythe @aaronsmythe

Where: LJ’s Suite

What: Scene - blindfolded cooking

lj gilbert

The task was simple on paper. All Aaron had to do was trust LJ. That's all it took for this scene to be a success. But that was a lot to ask of anyone, especially someone you were still in the process of getting to know. That part was easy, fun even, and LJ really wanted to see how much they could push Aaron during this experience. Which would in turn push LJ. It would have been too easy to just hang out with Aaron and forgo all D/s aspects, but that wouldn't have been fair to either of them. The task was cooking and Aaron was completely blind. Aaron was allowed to cook the dish and prior to the blindfold going on, it was explained to LJ. "Okay first I want to familiarize you with where everything is. The stove it still off so you won't burn yourself, so can you put your hand on it? Then list off the ingredients and I'll put your hand on it just so you have some idea where everything is."

Aaron Smythe

Aaron could feel his heart beating against his chest as he listened to the Dominant instructing him from somewhere around him, he couldn't pinpoint exactly where. This was far more trust than he'd given anyone in a really long time, and it had him a little on edge. It was just simple cooking, sure - but he still didn't fully know LJ, and there was a lot of room for error here, especially when he was about to put his hand on a stove top. He knew it was off, but instinct not to touch it was definitely there. "Okay. I mean, yes, Mx," He quickly corrected, then took a breath and dropped his hand down onto the stove, swallowing the nerves. He relaxed a little when his hand didn't burn, gripping tightly onto the edge of it for some miniscule amount of comfort. "Um, sure. Okay. Pasta... tomato sauce... spices... uh, meatballs."

lj gilbert

What LJ appreciated most was his willingness to try and to learn from his error, like the way he corrected himself right away. And LJ could not ask more than that. He couldn't see it, but it did earn him a smile from them as they touched their hand to the back of his. "Thank you for trusting me and following through," LJ praised, wanting him to know how big that one motion was to them and how much it meant. "Okay,." LJ was trying to let him know every time they were going to move his hand. They laced their fingers with Aaron's from the back of his hand and gently listed it, touching all of the ingredients in order of the way Aaron listed it. They were all on the same side of the counter, to his right. "And the pots and pans are on this side," they went on, moving his hand to the left side of the stove. "Okay, tell me what you need to do and I'll direct you. Don't move until I tell you to."

Aaron Smythe

Aaron tensed slightly at the touch on his hand, but slowly eased into it to allow the Dominant to guide it in the direction of each item as he listed them, doing his best to take note of the distance his hand was from his body as they moved it. The praise definitely helped him relax, but he'd rather die than admit that. He just nodded, maintaining the same neutral expression as before. "Yes, Mx. Well, first I need to... uh, turn the stove on and get the pasta going," He informed cautiously, doing his best not to move. "Boiling, I mean." Aaron was an incredibly independent person, so having to rely on anyone for anything was not an easy task for him. Yet he was finding that he hadn't minded spending time with and getting to know LJ this week, and that softened the blow quite a bit, knowing he had the potential to make a friend out of this whole mess of an ordeal.

lj gilbert

LJ surveyed where the pot was and moved to stand directly behind Aaron to get a better gauge on where things were from his point of view. “Alright, the pot is at your 8 o’clock. And the sink is directly behind you. Turn around walk 3 feet and the faucet is on... yup there. Keep the water running. Stop. Halfway is good yeah?” LJ continued until the pot was on the stove and boiling and LJ couldn’t help but smile. “So far so good. What’s next?”

Aaron Smythe

Aaron followed each instruction the best he could, getting a little frustrated with himself at various times when he'd accidentally shift the pot too much and wet his hand, or even miss the eye on the stove while trying to put the pot on it. He tried to conceal it, but he couldn't even stop the soft huffs he'd let out every now and again. "Uh, next I think the water needs to start boiling. But we can start heating the pasta sauce up?"

lj gilbert

Every time there was a huff of frustration from Aaron, LJ would place their hand on his back and offer a word or two of reassurance, as well as a reminder that they were right there with him. “Cool okay. Well the other, smaller pot is at your 7 o’clock. You can put the pot right there in front of you... a little more to the right. Perfect. Now keep your left hand on the pot, I’ve opened the sauce which is right next to your right hand.” They weren’t supposed to help at all but with Aaron’s frustrations, they did the small thing, just to give him a bit of relief.

Aaron Smythe

Their words and gentle touches of reassurance would help each time, causing Aaron's shoulders to relax until the next source of frustration came along. He followed each instruction carefully, until finally he was pouring the sauce into the smaller pot without spilling even a little of it. Of course, he couldn't actually see that. "Uh, did I make a mess?" He asked cautiously, doing his best to resist the urge to move the blindfold. He carefully set the now empty jar back on the cabinet, biting the inside of his lower lip as he did so.

lj gilbert

LJ definitely took it as a win each time they were able to relax Aaron. There was silence all around them and complete focus and concentration from both parties. It's that level of commitment that would be celebrated later as a job well done. But for right now, LJ breathed along with Aaron and continued to smile, even though he couldn't see it. "Nope, no mess at all. You're going great so far." LJ praised, not even trying to hide their excitement. "Okay, what's next? Meatballs and spices into the sauce? I'm really bad at cooking so please tell me if that's not right."

Aaron Smythe

Aaron bit back a chuckle and nodded once in response to the Dominant's question. "Yes, Mx. The meatballs and spices are next. They can go in the sauce for simplicity and time saving, unless you'd prefer we sear them first," He offered, then actually cracked a small smile as he allowed them to guide his hand towards the items. He was a little nervous about using a frying pan during this exercise, but he found himself trusting LJ more and more as it went on. With them guiding him, he continued to get the meatballs ready to go in the sauce, while also doing his best to add a few shakes of each the spices into the sauce. It was hard to gauge how much he was adding, but he was doing his best with what he had to work with.

lj gilbert

"Oh no, let's do it the right way," they agreed. This next part was the most nerve wracking for the Dominant. Frying or searing like Aaron said always scared LJ the most and seemed the most dangerous, but it seemed to go by the fastest. Perhaps it was because their heart was beating against their chest and the adrenaline was pumping until they were cutting off that burner and adding the ingredients to the sauce that had been simmering. "Oh my goodness, Aaron, this smells so good. I think we're almost done. Are we ready to drain and put it all together?" LJ stuck their finger into the sauce and then into their mouth. It tastes good too. Yay, I'm excited!"

Aaron Smythe

Aaron listened to the Dominant praising him, and as much as he hated the response he was having to it, he couldn't get the sense of pride in his chest to go away. Deep down, he was a submissive like everyone else, he loved being told he did a good job and he did gain a sense of pride when someone was proud of him, he just refused to show it, and he especially refused to rely on other people for it. Clearing his throat softly, he offered a nod and a small smile. "I'm glad you like it. Yeah, I think we are. Can you, uh... throw a noodle against the wall? If it sticks, it's ready. Or, at least that's what I've heard?"

lj gilbert

At Aaron's request, LJ smiled and nodded. "Throw it? Absolutely. Who knew cooking could be so fun!" They picked up a noodle from the top of the pile and wound it up by spinning their hand and threw it towards the cabinet. "It stuck!" They exclaimed proudly. "Okay, so far so good, you ready to put it all together." LJ really was so proud of not only Aaron but of both of them for working together so well.

Aaron Smythe

"Yeah, ready," Aaron confirmed, returning his full attention back to the pots and pans he was still unable to see. "Which step is next, Mx? What still needs to go in?" He asked curiously, both hands finding their ways to the counter to steady himself and get an idea of where he was in relation to everything.

lj gilbert

LJ stoped and surveyed the room. "Okay. So theres a big ol' bowl at your 3 o'clock that you can first put the noodles in which is right here," they guided his hand to the strainer the noodles were sitting in. "And the sauce and noodles and things. "Let’s do it together!” 

[starchildrenofdustand-ashes]

My Six The Musical Review

Once again nobody cares— BUUUT I saw SixChicago yesterday with Adrianna Hicks as Aragon, Andrea Macasaet as Bolyen, Abby Mueller as Seymour, Brittney Mack as Cleves,  Anna Uzele as Parr. Here are somethings I noticed (essentially this is a rundown of everything you wouldn’t get just from listening to the album lol) ((Also im so tired and its 12.28 am and im sorry for any mistakes))

❤️💚💛💗🖤💙

👑 So before the show, they were playing a ton of pop music, but it was on an instrument that kinda sounded like a lute or harpsichord. 👑 When the Queens walked out from behind the curtain in a single file line to take their place on stage, the crowd went crazy. They all came out through a tiny crack in the curtain,, but when they belt “LIIIIVE” the curtain falls to the floor as is dragged off stage. 👑During the dance breaks in Ex-Wives, they go from dancing hip hop, to dancing with each other in a style they would’ve done back then to the beat. It was cute. 👑It was so weird hearing their accents! I’m always expecting “divooced” but it felt like they were almost emphasizing the r “ divoRRced” 👑Before Catherine of Aragon starts singing in Ex-Wives she says “Remember us from PBS??” 👑When Jane Seymour sings her bit in the song she moves Stage Left and when the Queens all say “Hey!” She looks surprised and shrugs, continuing to sing 👑Anna really played up the “JA’s” during her bit and IT WAS SO CUTE (you will find I am partial to clever, bc my gay ass is in love with her.) 👑There is so much dialogue!! After they say “Chicago!! How’re you doing tonight!!” They say we are “SIIIIX” in their harmonies and “Welcome to our divorced, beheaded, LIVE TOUR” 👑Aragon says “WE HAVE SO MUCH IN STORE FOR YOU TONIGHT— WE HAVE THE RIFFS TO RUFFLE YOUR RUFFS” before she does a really sick riff 👑A few of the other queens add on to that,, I forgot what they said but then  Howard says “AND A WHOLE LOT OF HISTORY” and Parr cuts her off and says “OR AS WE SAY A WHOLE LOT OF HERSTORY” 👑then they introduce their band (who are on the stage with then) as their ladies in waiting and I was soft 👑 So then they go on to explain the deal with the show; they are all competing against each other for the crown of the “ultimate” queen based on who had to put up with the most shit from Henry 👑 When they’re going down the line to explain why they say 💛Who lasted longest was the strongest 💚The biggest sinner is obvs the winner 🖤 I have no idea what Seymour said I don’t remember DX ❤️Who was most chased is first place 💗The most glorious will be victorious 💙The winning contestant was the most protestant (but she says it so it rhymes with contestant and then all the queens look at her like ??? And she sighs and says ‘protestant’ with its correct pronunciation 👑Aragon says “How in the purgatory are they gonna choose a leading lady??” 👑”The queen to take the crown will be the one who had the biggest, the firmest, the fullest…. LOAD OF BS TO DEAL WITH FROM THE MAN WHO PUT A RING ON IT 👑There is a reprise of Ex-wives but this time they change the lyrics to “welcome to the show to the coronation” 👑💛lol Aragon cut the reprise off and was like “It doesn’t matter, because I’m the winner” and then she asked the drummer for a beat 👑💛So with the beat, Aragon begins to tell her story, and the bass is strumming the baseline for no way 👑💛”Okay, I’m thinking its… a bit weird they want me to marry my… dead husbands brother”… 👑💛So then she continues recounting the story and she says “I saw lipstick on his collar and I’m like… okAY… so now he wants to annul our marriage and moves this sidekick into mY palace and wants me in a CONVENT” and she’s on a RANT so she pauses and breathes really heavily before smiling really widely and sighing “Now… I don’t think I look that good in a wimple so I said. No. Way.”  And the song starts immediately after that 👑💛Idk what else to say except that Aragon was a total badass and Adrianna Hicks  was a fucking QUEEN 👑💛When she asks him to name when she’s ever caused him pain, she’s all the way upstage on the same platform/semi circle that the band is on, and she’s on her knees kinda begging kinda. She pauses for a LONG time and waits for an answer and her face is smug when she’s like “no?” 👑💛She said “I had the most to deal with AND I hit that high c so that crown is mine,” 👑The other Queens stop her and are like theres another really REALLY IMPORTANT one… the one that overlapped with you who is she?? The famous one that people actually care about!” Then they all start chanting “The one you’ve been waiting for” and the lighting turns green,, while they’re chanting, Anne Boleyn looks really confused and shrugs and walks to the back of the stage and picks up her phone 👑💚The Queens eventually say “The temptresssssss” and they hold it out like a snake “ANNE BOLYEN” and they sing this very choir like 👑💚They all turn to her and Anne is just sitting there cackling at whatever is on her phone and she’s like “ Whoops sorry,,” and Don’t loose your head starts 👑💚Andrea Macasaet has SUCH a high pitched voice she was absolutely ADORABLE 👑💚When she said “get ahead” she smirked and everyone laughed 👑💚Instead of her voice going down on “Pret a Manger,” it got even higher almost In a mocking French accent. 👑💚She is pissing Aragon the fuck off this entire song lol 👑💚When she says “Are you blind??” She gestures between she and Aragon 👑💚 “What was I meant to do?” Is sung like a confused toddler lol 👑💚 So the bit where they play the wedding song, all the queens bow to her and she walks past, smiling and waving and she gets to the end of the line and is like “Hold up,, let me tell you how it went down HENRY’S OUT EVERY NIGHT …. Etc” 👑💚”Bro just shut up!” Instead of mate 👑💚She even asks the band what was she meant to do, and everyone is repeating her and she screams “OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY HE REALLY WANTS TO CUT MY HEAD OFF” 👑💚and then she grins again after a long silence and she’s all smug like “I guess he really liked my head…..” While kinda licking her lips lol 👑💚DEAR GOD HER RIFFS JESUS FUCKING HREHTTLTURHGUEHURL 👑💚And she was like “yeah… that was such a weekend… I like died… and it was so extra! So im clearly the winner. So now, I have to sing a song I wrote when I found out that Catherine of Aragon had died. Its called WEAR YELLOW TO A FUNERAL SING IF YOU KNOW THE WORDS. And the bass came in and Boleyn sings “Catherine was a massive C-” and the other Queens immediately shut her up 👑Aragon and Boleyn start arguing until Seymour is like “its my turn now…” 👑Everyone looks at het before they burst out laughing, telling her ‘bye’ and ‘girl, please’ 👑And Seymour is like yeah,, I was in love and I was really really lucky. 👑🖤 And Seymour goes into this really heartbreaking monologue about how she missed her songs future and how she had a picture of her family. She said that Henry was really sweet and that she loved him 👑Boleyn cuts her off and is like “yeahhhh,, there was this one really cute time where he, like, cut my head off :) 👑🖤Seymour said that Aragon and Boleyn were badasses. Then she said that she promised to always stay by his side and didn’t yell at him back like the other two because she loved him. Then she dedicated the song to him 👑🖤Heart of Stone started and honestly,,, its not my favorite song and I usually skip it. But mY GOODNESS. Abby Mueller is a fucking goddess wow. The amount of control she has on her voice is astounding 👑🖤(fun fact abt me— I have perfect pitch lol)  they pitch changed it into A major and it transposes into B major which was SO BEAUTIFUL. It made me actually like the song lol 👑🖤Its not really eventful,, she just stands in the middle of the stage. 👑Seymour is like,, “what hurts more than a broken heart?” And  Boleyn is like “A chopped off head” 👑Almost immediately  after it transfers to Cleves and she’s like “soo he’s running out of options in England he had to expand his fields and adjust his location settings to find his next queen. We are Heading to Germany where  he got the help of Han….. 👑At some point during the song, the other queens ran off stage to get their glasses and ruffs 👑They all run back on stage in their glasses and ruffs (Cleves still hasn’t said his last name yet) and they all whisper “Holbien” 👑WELCOME TO THE HOUSE 👑lol this song is SO funny… and Cleves is so fucking adorable (she was flossing at some point). The dancing was so… German…it was hilarious. 👑So after the song is done,, the girls still have their ruffs and glasses on and it kinda turns into a mobile app like tinder.. 👑Basically there are two queens before Cleves and they all stand up and walk downstage as they are introduced, they smile and their picture is taken and they wait for about two seconds before Henry swipes left or right. 👑The two in front of Cleves are played by Parr and Howard. 👑After Cleves is selected their is a Holbein reprise 👑❤️The other queens run off taking the ruffs and Cleves is left on the stage sighing comically several times. She’s at the back of the stage sitting on a makeshift stone 👑❤️”Its the tragic story of a princess-educated, savvy, young- deemed ugly by an ulcer-ridden, wheezing, winkled man 20 years her senior.” 👑❤️WHATS A MORE DEVASTATING FATE THAN BEING FORCED INTO A BEAUTIFUL PALACE IN RICHMOND WITH MORE MONEY THAN I COULD EVER SPEND AND NO MAN TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH IT 👑❤️Get down is also key changed 👑❤️When she sings “I’m the Queen of the castle” she is skipping across the stage 👑❤️When she gives her fur to the footman, she actually takes off her coat and hands it to one of the queens. The crowd went crazy and she’s like “guys stop,’ and like acting all shy but secretly enjoying it-she says “Okurrrrrrrrr” . Then she’s like “AS YOU WERE” and everyone is quiet lol 👑❤️the part where it slows down and she’s like “SIT DOWNNN YOU DIRTTTY RrrrrrASCALLL” she opera sings it and I shat myself 👑❤️she uses her microphone as a lute lol 👑❤️YOU CANT (nope) STOP (nuh-uh) YOU CANT STOP ME 👑❤️At some point she squeezes her boob. I love her. 👑❤️after she kills us all by belting that last note she points to a girl in the front row and is like “YOU IN THE PINK DRESS!” and she gestures for her to stand up. And the girl stands up and they bop together with Cleves ad libbing in the background 👑❤️Eventually she says “Okay sugar this is my song, GET DOWN” 👑❤️And then after a moment of silence she’s like “So yeah it was really tragic…” 👑Aragon is like that doesn’t sound difficult at all and Ceves is like “oh… yeah.. I probably won’t win this thing… WELP BACK TO THE PALACE!” 👑the queens argue more and honestly it’s iconic 👑Seymour is yelling at Aragon and her voice is so loud and Cleves interrupts her and is like “guys,… I have the plague” and they all gasp and she’s like “HAHA JUST KIDDING MY LIFES AMAZING” they roll their eyes and Parr is like “our next queen! K HOWARD!” And everyone is like who??? 👑Aragon is like “ The least relevant Catherine,,” and Boleyn is like “Yeahhh i get it and I still don’t care,,,”
👑Howard is like “You’re right… I need all the help I can compete. What happened to you was terrible,, and so were you songs,,” Then she proceeded to roast everyone. She says “Anne you obviously had it worse I mean you lost your head……. Oh wait…..” 👑💗And then she says “but seriously Anna, getting rejected for your looks really sucks…. cant relate…I’m really hot…. So yeah. I can compete like this” or smthing and then all you wanna do starts. 👑💗At the beginning of the song the queens touch her everywhere and she leans into it willingly 👑💗Blowing the flute,, she winks at the audience and when she says C-D she puts her hand in front of her crotch and squeezes. 👑💗 “There was this guy… Francis and he asked me to be his little piece of aaaasssssss…istant! 👑💗The song goes from upbeat to upsetting very very quickly after Francis she starts to become less trusting and she gets more disoriented as the show goes on. 👑💗”Apparently men only hire women to get them into their private chamber… times were different then…” 👑💗When she says “He says  we have this connection,”  about Henry Seymour comes from behind her and touches her stomach — all you can see is her hand touching her sensually. She looks a little surprised and then she’s like “I guess its not so different..” 👑💗By the time we get to Thomas Culpepper she is flustered and VERY uncomfortable. The girls are all touching her now and she looks down and stares at their hand before pushing them away and finishing the end of the song. she keeps pushes them away but they keep coming back. She looks utterly heartbroken and you can see her unraveling. 👑💗THAT RIFF WAS SO GGHRSILGBRLGKJBJL 👑💗she screams “WHEN WILL ENOUGH BE ENOUGH” as they keep touching her and she fails as she pushes them away. 👑💗Eventually she gets them off but she ends up by herself on the stage with her face facing up and a dim pink spotlight is on her. 👑💗There is a chilling silence and then she’s smiling and says ‘YEAH and then I was beheaded and I won this competition!” 👑Then they get into another argument. Boleyn starts talking about how her beheading was more relevant because Henry humiliated her more and Aragon was like,,, um I won the humiliation game and she counts her mistresses 👑Then they start yelling about the miscarriages they had and Boleyn says she has three and Aragon says “You know what Anne BO-LOSER I HAD FIVE” and Parr is like “this is not okay, don’t compare miscarriages, thats hella insensitive” and they push her to the center and tell her to sing her song 👑Theres a random baseline again and Parr looks like she’s about to start singing but she stops and says,,”I’m good,” and tries to go off stage. They all accuse her of being a sore loser because she survived and knows that she had no chance of winning. 👑Parr is like,,, NO its pitting us against each other and the queens all groan  and make fun of her and she’s like okay,, imma sing the song then. And Katherine Howard says “Are you sure?? Are you sure you dont want to stick to backing vocals where you belong?” 👑💙And Parr softly says “Queens take a seat,” before turning to the pianist and saying “Can you give me a Bb maj7, please?” 👑💙Parr shuts down all the queens and says her life wasn’t all rainbows because she survived. And she talks about her love tom, and I never realized that the song is a letter to tom. She starts off “Dear Tom, You know I love you boy,” 👑💙 Anna Uzele was so fucking good. And Tbh,, this is my least favorite song so I don’t remember much about the staging (I’m sorry) 👑💙Side note,, parr is such a badass and an amazing woman 👑At the end of the song, she turns to the queens and is like “without Henry we all disappear ,” and Boleyn is like “I don’t get it” and parr asks “How does anyone know who we are” and Boleyn is like “mY SiX fInGeRs-“ before Aragon cuts her off and is like “Put it away, baby” 👑Parr then asks Henry the 7 and 6’s wives names and nobody can answer. “but, when we get together as a group-“ Boleyn cuts her off and is like “EVERYONE NOTICES THAT JANE CAN’T DANCE!” “NO WE COMPARE OURSELVES” 👑when Boleyn finally gets it she explains the situation like she’s an encyclopedia and it was so funny and fast and oMG 👑”UGH if we had realized this before we started we could have done something else like make a fake competition to show everyone how messed up comparing us is and then we could reclaim our story and all become the leading ladies…” “:/ and they are all saying this dialogue its just split up and I dont remember it very well 👑IF ONLY WE HAD THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE 👑then they look at each other and smirk at the audience before reprising Parr’s song as “We don’t need your love,” 👑Which was so good bc THEY DON’T NEED HENRY’S LOVE YES 👑Then they point out “We might only be remember for marrying the same man,, but why does anyone give a sh- who he is? It’s because of his,,” then they all harmonize ’SIIIIIIX WIVES’ 👑AND WE ALL HAVE A ROYAL HAPPY EVER AFTER but Boleyn cuts Seymour off and is like “But we didn’t” 👑then they go onto explain how none of them had happy endings and they’re like,, but we can rewrite them! So they do and that leads into Six which is such a soft song. 👑Six, actually starts off very slowly. It speeds up after they say “we’re six” 👑It was such an energy ending I was speechless and gold confetti poured down on them and OMG I was shaken to my core. 

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunter x hunter thotz so far

soooo ruth and i started watching hunter x hunter woohoo finally! we’re like 10 or so eps in so i decided to collect some thots below on what i think so far (i havent rlly been spoiled so im interested to look back on this once ive watched more)

first off i love gon sm, hes immediately so endearing...hes just a baby!!!! just a little baby boy!!!! hes just so cute and good, im so not ready for him to get put thru the wringer later on as ive vaguely heard happens

the first few episodes were really fast paced which i enjoyed and thought was for the best. the characters came thru really strongly and i feel like we heard juuuust enough about the setting, premise, and what a hunter is 

i wasnt expecting leorio and kurapika to show up in the FIRST EP lmao that surprised me. i love so much how the three of them like IMMEDIATELY became a family unit in like 3 eps lmaoooo it was like ok here are 2 parents and their son bam. also leorio and kurapika having a showdown on the boat (which didnt end up happening) was a wild ride 

i have like zero fucking idea what a hunter is and the more they attempt to explain the more confused i get. its honestly kind of hilarious how little sense it makes. to be clear this doesnt detract from my enjoyment of the show at all (if anything it adds to it)

oh my god fuckgin hisoka is the worst he hasnt done much but i hate him so much already. good villain writing/design so far, hes so hateable

ruth every time hisoka shows up: WE HATE UR PUSSY BIIIITCH 

the character design in this show is....a lot lmao. ruth and i decided its a cross between soul eater, jojo, and one piece in terms of aesthetic. the designs are certainly unique and so many of them are just so ugly hvbjafdbdskgs it reminds me of that post thats like ‘masterpost of jojo characters who look busted as shit’ lmao

i already love this show a lot tbh like the way its structured so far has been kinda atypical for a shounen, at least in terms of fights - we really havent seen a lot of fighting yet. also nen hasnt shown up yet and its reminding me of stands not becoming a thing in jojo until p3 lmao 

anyways in litrally ep1 i already loved the 3 main characters we saw...leorio is a wild dude, i love him sm, especially as a fellow medical binch who wants MONEY. like, thats literally me. and kurapika is also wild, like damn they rlly just dropped their backstory in ep 1 huh. like we rlly are jumping right into this 

also when leorio said he was a teenager i was like WHAT???? just like evryone else which YEA omfg. i cant believe hes that young lmao. kurapika too

so leorio is one of those 19 yr olds who looks 40 and kurapika is the type of teen who looks like a 12 yr old

and KILLUA i love him sm also....hes an adorable assassin catboy and hes perfect. i love how quickly he and gon hit it off (tiny bfs.....) and how hes just like, this extra as hell 12 yr old with a SKATEBOARD and ASSASSIN SKILLS and then he sees gon and is like guess im gonna fall in love 

i gotta talk abt gon again i just love him. hes so polite and cute and kind and good, i just love him...wht a good protag. his motivation is just wild too, hes like well my dad abandoned me to go off and be a hunter (which he isnt even mad abt, what a nice lad) so im gonna do that to see what the deal is

i love how gon (just like the audience) doesnt really know what a hunter does/is and just goes into the exam totally blind lmao. also the fact that his skills seem to include jumping good, being speedy, having the energy typical of a 12 yr old, being a weather sniffer, being nice, and having good instincts/constitution as a result of having eaten random grass and forest shit growing up...amazing. 

is this gonna turn out to be one of those things where its like, wow theyve been using nen this whole time without realizing! tht would honestly explain a lot lmao 

i really enjoy how like....semi-normal the power levels are rn? while also being all over the place and wack as fucks obvs (like hisoka dissolving that guys arms in his first appearance was A Lot, as well as all the card stuff hes done..). like the part wher that blue guys (evil franky one piece) punches the ground and it leaves a crater and everyones like !!!! wow wtf thats unnatural! that literally threw me off bc that kinda thing is so normal in anime lmaoooo. but i like that thats the starting point bc it leaves a lot of room for power escalation w/out it getting too out of hand 

specifially our protags are starting out pretty low on the Shounen Badass scale - especially gon (and leorio, tho i kinda predict he wont be as fight-y? what with him being premed)

i find it kinda hilarious how killua hasnt done too much (aside from murdering those 2 randos in like half a second) despite being so clearly skilled...like when they have to do the 5v5 fight thing in the tower, i wouldve thought hed be the first up cause hes so badass but nope

actually thats what i find interesting - i was expecting all 5 (or maybe 4, we’re in the middle of leorio’s ‘fight’) of the fights to be physical smackdowns but so far nope, theyve been very cerebral. that bodes well, w/how smart the fights have been, bc i doubt the fights will get stale tht way 

tho they might be kinda frustrating sometimes - there are times when u DO just wanna see a good ole fashioned shounen beatdown yknow. but we do get enough of that now (and im sure we’ll get plenty more) to satisfy (like kurapika decking fake-franky) 

oh also the opening. its so charming and cute and i love the song...its also so hilariously basic and classic - like one of those typical 2000s anime openings where theres stock run cycles of all the main characters and theres a little animation of all the characters fighting together (and that fight doesnt actually happen, its just for the op) 

also love that leorios the only one who doesnt fight in the OP, instead getting saved from death by gon lmao. im curious if he’ll end up fighting at all (i assume a little?) and if he’ll use nen (probably healing type nen?) 

also i already wanna fistfight ging for abandoning his perfect angel son. also leorio is literally gons dad already, they even look alike wow 

that guy hanzo has done basically 0 things so far but i rlly like him already, im curious if thatll change. also sorry for calling u ‘hanzo overwatch!?!?!?!’ upon first viewing my guy 

tonpa is str8 up so annoying pls leave u pathetic loser 

tho it cracked me up when he and Evil Mr Clean were facing off and starting getting all detailed/shaded and i was like o shit is he actually badass. are we abt to see like a nen battle or st. but no....lmaooo

i found it interesting that leorio didnt really admit to wanting to be a dr at first...hes such a good dude, he kinda just let kurapika think that his motives were superficial and greedy when in actuality theyre selfless

also wanting to be rich can be a rlly interesting character motivation and i love when its done right

oh my god i cant believe it took me this long to mention the hilariously edge ED....like holy shit, its so 2000s, the song sounds like its been re-recorded like 40000 times bc of how bad the audio quality is, or something, idk how to describe music but its hilariously specific in tone and its rlly funny to see shots of the main characters smiling while this screamo whatever plays in the bg....wow. 

also s/o to killua for being king of edgy with that ‘tear of blood�� shot

i rlly like how much of the plot, especially the early hunter exam stuff, is moved along simply by gon being a good kind polite boy. 

love the fact that he and leorio and kurapika (and later killua) all team up without even saying anything...i love that, most shounen would have them be like ‘che, i cant team up with anyone, i have to prove myself ALONE or my victory wont be EARNED’ or w/e idk. who knows that might happen later but rn i love how they all effortlessly work together (and how they all contribute - without each other they would have all failed at different points) 

oh man also killuas first appearence was so funny when he drank a bunch of tonpas poisoned drinks and was like [smirks] tch, loser, im immune to poison. get dunked on. [skateboard away] i love him so fuckgin much 

omfg that part where killua looks all shoujo/kawaii and is talking abt how hes gonna kill his family or w/e and gon is just like ^_^? i love they

HOOOOLY FUCK I ALMOST FORGOT, BUT 65% OF THE REASON I MADE THIS POST WAS TO MENTION HISOKAS THEME LMAOOOOO his music being like fuckgin, spanish guitar/traditional mexican type music is sooooo goddamn funny to me for some reason, like the first time it played i was like ok whats going ON with this spanish guitar lmao but then i figured out that its his theme and god thats so funny 

hisoka is also so fuckign jojo like he could so easily be in jojo. he and dio would be the fakest best friends ever and would constantly try to kill each other on the lowdown and shittalk each other constantly in private but be super sweet to each others faces. also they would hatefuck. no im not taking criticism bye 

i rlly love everyones backstories also, and i find it interesting that weve gotten to hear/see at least some of all 4 of the MCs backstories. theyre all compelling and interesting and i cant wait to dive in further 

also calling it now but kurapika is totally gonna get way too absorbed in revenge and get fucked up/disregard their own life (maybe in the style of robin in one piece?) we’ll see but i feel like it aint gonna end well. i could be wrong, i really havent been spoiled at all, thats just my guess 

hbahjfbshjf the ep that was called ‘hisoka x is x sneaky’ was SO funny that reads like a dora the explorer ep title 

also i had no idea the ep titles were formatted like that w/the x’s and thats rlly funny 

ok but the part where leorio - who seems to be pretty bad at fighting - tries to fight hisoka - whose literal first appearence involved him effortlessly dissolving a dudes arms - is so fucking funny. leorio rlly b a premed w/no brain cells....same bro. 

also i loved the Cutthroat Kitchen portion of the hunter exam and how not a single contestant was any good at it lmaoooo. do they not have the cooking channel in hxh-verse earth 

ok i love how the main characters are all intuitive in different ways depending on their own skills, like how killua can immediately guess that kurapika has never killed anyone before after they didnt kill evil-franky

kurapika joined killua in the Edgy Corner during that part also. like, they both have legit reasons to be edgy, but the shots of kurapika sitting in the darker tunnel part was kinda funny

also killua, a literal 12 yr old, calling out kurapika for being a murder virgin was pretty hilarious 

ok also i didnt know that madhouse animated hxh which is rlly funny but w/e i love the animation especially the occasional chibi parts and the facial expressions (like killuas ‘i love murder’ catboy expressions) 

oh also when killua murdered those 2 guys and his hand was all vein-y and his nails were pointy, his hands looked like hisokas do...i wonder if thats a legit connection or it hisoka just b getting his nails did 

kurapika talking abt how even seeing a regular spider makes them rlly angry was both very sad and kinda funny. kura u have so many issues god bless 

kurapikas smackdown on evil blue franky was fuckin dope tho. and the red eyes reveal was SPOICY 

rlly love how the individual fights highlights the characters strengths/morals/motivations/whatever....the writing is already really strong tbh 

ugh ok ive ranted enough this is a Lot lmao its so disorganized but w/e 

basically i love this series so far and im rlly curious whatll happen next. also everything seems pretty chill and upbeat so far (relatively) and i know this shit gets dark and im NOT FUCKING READY. 

til next timeeee

[somnilogical]

<<Over the past year, however, Google has appeared to clamp down. It has gradually scaled back opportunities for employees to grill their bosses and imposed a set of workplace guidelines that forbid “a raging debate over politics or the latest news story.” It has tried to prevent workers from discussing their labor rights with outsiders at a Google facility and even hired a consulting firm that specializes in blocking unions. Then, in November, came the firing of the four activists. The escalation sent tremors through the Google campus in Mountain View, Calif., and its offices in cities like New York and Seattle, prompting many employees — whether or not they had openly supported the activists — to wonder if the company’s culture of friendly debate was now gone for good.

(A Google spokeswoman would not confirm the names of the people fired on Nov. 25. “We dismissed four individuals who were engaged in intentional and often repeated violations of our longstanding data-security policies,” the spokeswoman said. “No one has been dismissed for raising concerns or debating the company’s activities.” Without naming Berland, Google disputed that investigators pressured him.)>>

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/02/18/magazine/google-revolt.html

<<“Of the five people that were fired, three of us are trans women,” Spiers said. “That is either an unbelievable coincidence or Google is targeting the most vulnerable.”

“Trans Googlers make up a very small percentage of Googlers,” she added. “They make up a slightly larger percentage of organizers, but not 60%.”>>

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/dec/17/fifth-google-worker-activist-fired-in-a-month-says-company-is-targeting-the-vulnerable

i too am transfem and would "violate longstanding data-security policies" if my organization were being unjust. i wouldnt say that unless it were already obvious by what bits ive leaked to people about my life, because otherwise i could suppress this information and whistleblow more.

if you were an evil corp at this point youd probably try to avoid hiring any trans women in the first place because given this happens to you, its likely done by a transfem. not that this saved CFAR, who never hired a trans woman, from having a bunch of transfems whistleblow on them despite not being employees.

from what ive read from transfem google employees who are or were involved in activism, the degredation of google's culture. their complicity with ICE and weapons manufacturing mirrors CFAR's with OpenAI and DeepMind; authoritarianism and expulsion of transfems who object to this among a myriad of wrongs. to protect the territory of injustice and complicity with organizations like ICE, google needs to import "a consulting firm that specializes in blocking unions", CFAR needs to violate their whistleblower policy. if you once protect injustice, justice is ever after your enemy. morality isnt some modular thing such that you can be comitted to protecting injustice and not have this choice spiral into also invoking and protecting systems that protect injustice and invoking further things to protect those, recursively. all the way down to doing really dumb and obvious unjust things like transmisogyny (lots of future posts), changing your fundraiser after its clear its losing money, announcing that this year you got way below your donation target and claim to have no idea why.

well *i* know the compact generator for all of these things, and that makes me strong. unlike MIRI/CFAR who like the CDC rely on gaslighting the populace for myopic gains. i also wore a particle mask during the time that the CDC claimed that they were useless to preventing spread of disease, so it was really important to give them to doctors and nurses.

after so much gaslighting, *i* have built up general capabilities at arbitraging the difference between what agents claim and the truth. people who say:

<<Edit: This is a type of post that should have been vetted with someone for infohazards and harms before being posted, and (Further edit) I think it should have been removed by the authors., though censorship is obviously counterproductive at this point.

Infohazards are a real thing, as is the Unilateralists’s curse. (Edit to add: No, infohazards and unilateralist’s curse are not about existential or global catastrophic risk. Read the papers.) And right now, overall, reduced trust in CDC will almost certainly kill people. Yes, their currently political leadership is crappy, and blameworthy for a number of bad decisions—but it doesn’t change the fact that undermining them now is a very bad idea.

Yes, the CDC has screwed up many times, but publicly blaming them for things that were non-obvious (like failing to delay sending out lab kits for further testing,) or that they screwed up, and everyone paying attention including them now realizes they got wrong (like being slow to allow outside testing,) in the middle of a pandemic seems like exactly the kind of consequence-blind action that lesswrongers should know better than to engage in.

Disclaimer: I know lots of people at CDC, including some in infectious diseases, and have friends there. They are human, and get things wrong under pressure—and perhaps there are people who would do better, but that’s not the question at hand.>>

https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/h4vWsBBjASgiQ2pn6/credibility-of-the-cdc-on-sars-cov-2/comment/uDYbgf3QtEQirbsJk

havent. its easy to see how peoples minds are warped when its someone elses glowy thing, when its someone elses friends working for an institution that that someone else routed their hopes through.

its easier to recognize betrayal and see knowledge beyond the veil when its happening to someone else, instead of you.

until you build up general skills for recognizing it, this sort of betrayal isnt infinitely powerful. and like how you might expect that smart people who live for predation would do anti-inductive smart predatory things, but they end up converging on child sex rings; institutions that betray you, because justice is their enemy will start doing dumb unjust things like banning two people from speaking about their irl experiences with anna salamon, saying their first-hand accounts werent evidence and then citing anna salamon's first-hand account of the meeting as evidence. when i objected that this was a fucked up self-serving ontology of "evidence" they acted like i was objecting to "beliefs flow from evidence" and they acted as if what i was saying was obscure and beyond their ability to comprehend. their "incomprehension" was fake, downstream of a fear to dynamically compute things in front of other people that might end up outside the orthodoxy. the result of which is they display a blue screen of death and say “i just dont understand and aaa dont explain this to me!!!”. and then people agree that it "seems like it could be an infohazard" because when your goal is the preservation of the matrix, everything that tears it down looks like hazardous information.

or a cfar employee, in response to claims that anna's transmisogyny influences CFAR's hiring choices, claiming that anna salamon, head of CFAR, is not involved in CFAR's hiring. until i post proof from another CFAR employee pursuing personal vengeance against the org for hiring their rapist where its tangentially mentioned and they suddenly "realize" that anna salamon, head of CFAR, is involved in CFAR's hiring process.

or a thousand other injustices that have burned themselves into my brain during my months of talking with people under the assumption that they were simply mistaken in their path to saving the world. when they were actually un-mistaken in their path to having babies and a low chance of personal death. hoping and expecting someone else will take heroic responsibility for the planet.

like when you drill down to the base of injustice, it bottoms out in dumb and petty injustice. like the structure doesnt go infinitely high and complex, if you go down to the base level, you just need a bit of courage to not flinch away from what you see even if it seems that it means the ruin of something you ran your hopes and dreams through.

--

"isnt this a little... extreme?" i hear some people ask. ""dont protect regions of injustice?" that sounds like the end product of obsessive compulsive fixation on virtue at the expense of practicality."

well, assuming the algorithm seeding this response is a systemic reasoning tool, it should forkbomb when you consider if youd output ""dont protect regions of untruth?" that sounds like the end product of obsessive compulsive fixation on virtue at the expense of practicality." in response to eliezers essay. the principle behind both is the same such that if you hold by one you should hold by the other.

all of these things have parallels. if you want to see what is happening with MIRI/CFAR, theres a lot of mutual information with whats happening with Google.

[ginasneesby]

Trying to get on...

So its been a month or so since I've written anything and that’s mostly because its been a bit dull but also a bit crappy. I am still working at the Blind Foundation, i took over the role of another woman who got a full time job somewhere else, and i have been rehearsing for my play which opened this weekend, so i was starting to feel settled. I had made a friend from my cast and she actually wanted to go out and do things, which meant that i was starting to develop a bit of a social life and things were looking up...

I work till 5 and have rehearsal at 7, sometimes the traffic is bad so it takes me an hour or so to get home which means i have about half an hour to quickly eat something and get back out the door. One particular evening, it took me even longer to get back so i had 20 minutes to quickly cook some pasta (trying to stick to an eating plan of some sort!) so i rushed into the house, quickly cooked my stuff, cleaned up my dishes and went into my room to throw on a little bit of make up. My landlord appeared in the kitchen and commented ‘Shoes on in the house, thats new,’ firstly, theres a way to say you don’t like what someone is doing and making a sarky comment is not the way, secondly SO FUCKING WHAT! I explained i was in a rush and they have complicated laces so didn't take them off, i think i even gave a quick sorry and went back into my room. I was listening to a podcast so couldn't really hear him as he mumbled something so i had to ask him 3 times before i then turned off what i was listening to and came to him... ‘I think its time you start looking for somewhere else to live.’

Obviously i was quite shocked, i mean, we are clearly different people as they live a very small life, since they retired, and spend most of their days hoovering or ironing from what i could tell. He is pretty old fashioned (sexist would be another word) and she follows him around and doesn't seem to have much of her own personality, so we were never gonna be bessie mates, but they had never said anything about not liking what i did, how i interacted with them, the things i said... nothing. I asked him to give me a reason, because surely it isn't about my shoes, he tried to say he didn't want to talk about it coz he ‘didn't wanna get riled up’. Well mate, i fucking do, you cant just throw out a ‘you have to leave because of irreconcilable differences’ and then not tell me those differences. We’re adults right, we can have a conversation about this, i mean now its been said, there’s no way i’m gonna stay, but we can at least hash out what you're upset about, how long i have till i need to leave, what you expect of me. Not so much... Apparently being in a rush wasn’t a good enough excuse to wearing my shoes in the house and that when i washed my dishes and left them to dry it made the kitchen look messy. When i explained they were drying he said ‘some people see that mess and then decide to forgo dinner’ ‘Who?” i said “....Its happened’ he replied. I don’t believe this man has ever forgone dinner, but also all i’ve seen him eat is chips and dip or a cheese toastie, so if the mess means you can toast a sandwich then the issue is very much yours not mine! He wouldn’t discuss if further, so i left to get to rehearsal, she was outside hanging out washing so i just asked her if she felt the same or had anything to add, she said and i quote ‘Whatever he said.’ I mean technically she doesn't have to say anything, no one has to say anything, but its not very kind is it. I was pretty upset, mostly coz it felt personal, i mean i have paid my rent on time, i don’t leave a mess, i’m quiet, i haven’t tried to bring people back for a party. So i rang my sister and she got the full force of my anger and upset (on speaker in the car, screaming about them being massive cnuts). Rehearsal that evening was not the best, i wasn't really into giving it my all and then had to face going back home afterwards.

This was on a Wednesday i think, by the end of Thursday i had booked 4 viewings for the Saturday and planned my weekend and next week so i could spend as little time as possible at home; I saw some places found one i liked and arranged when i would move in (in a sleep out too so i would have my own space). On the Sunday evening she called me to say there was an issue with her family or something, it wasn’t clear as she English was not amazing, so i gave her a call. Apparently she had a woman coming to stay in the house, who was a writer and so needed the house alone and was saying that she was very happy for me to move in as arranged, but i would have to move out for 3 months in the middle of the year. This is where i need some sort of meme just going ‘....sorry, what?’ I would live there first, but i would have to move out of my home so some picky bloody writer who apparently needs complete silence as she works (blah!) would like the whole house. Basically it all comes down to money and this writer was willing to pay more than i was so she got priority. 

Luckily, my wonderful friend Shona, heard about a flat that had just become free, the woman who owns it was moving back to London for the rest of the year and had someone to live there but it had just fallen through. She was leaving in a week and was desperate, and i told her that id love to water her garden and do some weeding... so we were both happy. Its a flat by myself too, so i will leave my washed pots and pans out to dry and no one will care!

I moved out that next Sunday, i did it all early before they got up so i didn’t have to interact with them, they had not said a word to me since that original night and so i wasn’t willing to rehash it all. I packed up my car and headed off, i received a text about 20 minuted later as i arrived at my friends place stating ‘No bond will be returned until this room is hoovered’ (also i needed to return the coat hangers) You couldn’t get more petty. But i sucked it up, went back and hoovered, and left them with a ‘have a nice day’ thankful that they were out of my life... Mostly

[babylon-bitch]

Just Friends ~Nostalgia And Running (part 61)

Harper White is best friends with Luke Hemmings, they always have been. Not only is she  friends with the rockstar, but with the rest of 5 Seconds Of Summer, as well as a really nice girl named Erika.

Harper has a few secrets, she can play all the instruments the boys play and many more. It’s a talent she has kept hidden, only very few people know.

What will happen to the six teens, wondering around the world together?

***

Calum’s P.O.V.

Watching Harper walk away from me, I sigh shaking my head at how simple the solution is to their pain, and walk the other direction, towards the hotel.

Harper and Luke frustrate me so much, they’re blind to the solution, and by the talk I’ve just had with Harper, it’s clear that she wants Luke as much as Luke wants her, she just can’t admit that.

I get both of their views.

Luke wants to be where they used to be, and almost forget every that has happened. I think that’s what we all want, but we know it’s never gonna be the same again, maybe worse, maybe better, I don’t know, just not the same.

Harper wants to forget everything, but not the same way as Luke, she wants to forget Luke. Which is brutal, but that’s how Harper says she wants it, and the heart wants what the heart wants. Although I don’t think it’s the heart talking.

I could be seeing Harper’s view wrong, and she actually doesn’t want anything to do with Luke at all but it’s kinda hard to believe.

I’m torn between supporting Harper in that she needs to get over this herself or that her solution is Luke and only Luke. But going with her theory that she wants nothing to with Luke, she needs to get away from that. I want to be a good friend and support her, but I’m not sure if this is the right decision for her at this moment in time.

I love them both but this makes me want to hit their heads together until they understand.

Even though they were fucking gross together, kissing and being affectionate all the time, I’d still take it, if that means they’re both happy.

I’ve not experienced what they are going through, so there is a certain extent that I don’t understand it, but from an outsider’s view point, what they’re doing can’t be healthy, physically and mentally. You can tell they have both lost some weight, the bags under their eyes signal that they don’t get much sleep, their minds are on each other all the time, and how can it be healthy to be in your thoughts all the time that it’s like they’re not even in the room.

The two of them are suffering, it’s clear, they’re suffering differently though. Harper’s mental health is off the charts and Luke’s heart is off the charts.

Luke’s stuck with nostalgia, whilst Harper is running.

The amount of times I’ve found Luke going through his camera roll on his phone is uncountable. He always has this small broken smile on his face when he looks through them. We want to take the phone off him because he gradually get more distant every time he does it, but if that’s his only joy nowadays I don’t want to be the one to take that away.

Smiling at the receptionist as I walk through the lobby of the hotel we’re staying at, and wait for the elevator to open.

Stepping in and pressing our floor number, then waiting, pulling my phone out in the process.

“Hey.” I say as I walk into Ashton’s hotel room, where everyone seems to be hanging out.

“Hi.” Luke sighs, going back to his phone.

“Hello.” Ashton waves.

“What took you so long?” Michael asks.

“Yeah you were like 17 hours.” Ashton exaggerates.

“I was like 2 and a bit hours, calm down.” I shake my head, sitting in a tacky armchair. 

“But what took you so long? We thought you’d be like half an hour later than us.” Luke says.

“Well I was talking to my sister longer than expected then I ran into-”

“Wait, let me guess.” Michael cuts me off. “Britney Spears.”

“Uh no.”

“Highly Suspect?” Ashton questions.

“I wish.” I shake my head.

“An old one night stand?” Luke asks.

“Thank fuck not.” I answer. “Why couldn’t you just let me finish?” I ask.

“Because it will probably be someone we don’t know or someone lame.” Michael tell me.

“Okay, rude, and you better not let them hear that, but I ran into Harper.” I confess.

“What?” I grab Luke’s attention instantly.

“She’s in London?” Ashton asks.

“I swear I could’ve heard her voice when we were leaving.” Michael says.

“You probably did because the room she was in was on the way out.” I confirm.

“Is she still here?” Luke questions.

“Right now she is, she’s gonna go see her brother, but I’m not sure if she’s staying overnight.” I shrug, leaning back in the chair.

“But isn’t her bro-”

“Yeah but he’s staying with his girlfriend or something.” I save Luke the time.

“Oh.”

“So how is she?” Ashton asks.

“She’s um, fine.” I nod vaguely.

“Just fine? That’s all you’re gonna say?” Ashton raises an eyebrow.

“She’s the same as what she was when we last saw her.” I shrug.

“So miserable?” Luke asks.

“I wouldn’t say that.” I try to protect his feelings.

“I’m a grown boy, Cal, I can take the truth.” Luke tells me.

“I know, it’s just a touchy subject.”

“Is she happy with her new boyfriend?” Ashton asks.

“Actually no I can’t.” Luke pokes fun at himself and gets up.

“I think you’ll be happy to hear that he’s just a friend and she’s still single.” I stop him.

“Really?” Luke excitedly asks, then coughs. “I mean, really?” He says normally, making us laugh.

“Yeah, really, so stop getting your pants in a twist.” I sigh.

“Is she really going all the way back to Sheffield now?” Michael asks.

“I’m not sure, I told her we were staying here, but she might stay with her brother, I don’t know.” I shrug.

“What was she here for anyway?” Michael asks.

“A meeting I guess.” I say.

“Ugh, I miss hanging out with Harper.” Ashton groans.

“Same, even though she was annoying and shit, I still miss her.” Michael agrees.

“Why don’t you just text her.” Luke bitterly suggests.

“She’ll never reply.” Michael sighs.

“I actually asked her about that and she said it just doesn’t feel right anymore.” I tell them.

“Uh, how am I not supposed to be offended?” Michael jokes.

“Nah, I understand that though.” Ashtons nods.

“Yeah, things are different, times have changed, people change, and I think it’s time to move on and accept that she doesn’t really want anything to do with us anymore.” Michael says.

“Only thing you can do.” I agree.

“Does she still speak to Erika and Maddie?” Ashton asks.

“I imagine she still talks to Erika for work and stuff, I don’t know.” I shrug.

“No I stay correct, I can’t handle this.” Luke shakes his head walking out, slamming the door lightly.

“They’ve gotta sort this shit out, it’s too much, Luke’s storming out almost everyday, he had a mini break down this morning because he thought she’d actually moved on, at this rate every thing is gonna go into decline in his life, and he’s going to be left with nothing.” I state.

“What really happened when you saw her earlier?” Ashton question.

“She was a mess, she was crying when I walked it. She knows that Luke is the solution she just doesn’t want him to be or can’t believe he is. She said she wants to be back where they used to be, but she can’t and she needs to let go of him.” I explain.

“I just want to shake them until they realize that they’re still perfect together.” Ashton laughs.

“I don’t think Harper is ever gonna get back together with Luke, and I don’t fully understand why.” I tell them.

“I mean, Luke did cheat on her and that’s hard to get over because you think was I not enough? Was our whole relationship a lie? Did you actually love me? Your trust in people goes out the window, and we all know when Harper gets along with someone she puts her all into the relationship, so if she gets nothing back and instead shreds of a broken one, that’s gonna be hard for her. Look at when her dad left her, that took 2 years, and during that she was a mess, and now this is Luke, this hardly compares to that.” Michael points out.

“What Luke and Harper had was the real thing and now I don’t believe love exists.” Ashton sadly chuckles.

“I can’t believe Luke and Harper actually broke up.” I admit.

“I don’t think they can either.” Michael says.

“I honestly thought they’d break up for like 6 weeks then get back together again.” Ashton confesses.

“How long has it been since they broke up?” I ask.

“Like 7 or 8 months.” Ashton answers.

“Could you imagine if this was all some big prank.” Michael jokes.

“I wish.” I chuckle.

“How many time have they seen each other since the break up?” Ashton asks.

“The night of the accident, when she woke up, and when Maddie proposed, theres probably some I’m forgetting.” Michael tells us.

“Do you think there are any that we don’t about?” I question.

“Didn’t they see each other when they went over to Maddie’s?” Michael questions.

“Yeah.” I nod.

“And didn’t she say something about them seeing each other the night before? Like she said they had an argument or something and Luke asked Harper if last night ment nothing to her.” Michael tries to remember.

“Oh yeah, she did say that.” Ashton says.

“Do you think they slept together?” Michael asks.

“Ew, I don’t wanna think about that.” I grimace.

“I don’t either, but why would Luke say that? Also that’s another 2 times they saw each other.” Michael adds.

“I don’t know, is there anything we can do to help them back together?” I question.

“Harper doesn’t want anything to do with Luke though.” Ashton points out.

“No, if you have a conversation with her about this all, you can tell she wants nothing more than to just run into his arms, it’s a fact.” I say.

“What’s stopping her?” Michael asks.

“I haven’t really got a clue.”

***

“Luke get up.” I poke his arm.

He groans in response.

“We’ve got interviews and shit like that.” I remind him.

“So?” He questions, rolling over.

“So you need to be there, because you’re kinda in the band.” I poke his back, making him tense and wiggle.

“No shit.” He deadpans.

“Luke, you need to get up, the first interview starts in an hour and a half.” I inform.

“I’ve got loads of time.” He mumbles.

“It takes half an hour to get there, and we all know you take the longest to get ready, on top of that you’ve gotta eat.”

“Can’t you just do it without me? It’s not like I’m gonna say much.” Luke asks.

“No.”

“What’s even the point? It’s going to be the same as always, with the same answers. I’m better off just lying in bed all day.” Luke groans.

“I swear to God Luke, I-”

“You’ll what?” He asks.

“For fucks sake, Luke. You can’t keep feeling sorry for yourself all day, you have to sort yourself out at some point.” I exclaim.

“Yeah well that’s not today.” He sighs, rolling over again, looking at me.

“Will not even a kiss get you up?” I tease.

“Why does that sound familiar?” He questions and I laugh.

“‘Cause Harper said that to you once.” I say.

“Ugh don’t mention her name.” He groans.

“Why? She was part or your past, she still exists, you know.” I tell him.

“Don’t I know it.” He rolls his eyes.

“Just please get up.” I urge.

“Fine.” He huffs and throws the covers off him, and sits at the edge of the bed.

“When I said up, I meant get or of bed and get ready, so we can go.” I tell him.

“I’m getting there.” He waves me off. “You sure, you can’t just do it by yourselves?”

“No.” I shake my head.

“Just say I’m sick or something.”

“Luke this isn’t school.”

“Fine.” He grumbles, getting up, and going to his suitcase. “Um, you can go if you want.” He awkwardly says as I pull out my phone.

“Nah, I want to see what Harper saw.” I smirk making him glare at me.

“You’ve seen me naked before, even before her.” Luke says.

“Shut up.”

“Fine, I’ll get dressed with you in here.”

“Have you done your pubes recently?” I ask whilst laughing.

“I’ve got no need to anymore.” He laughs with me, whilst pulling up his jeans. “Got no one to show it to.”

“Have you been with anyone since, you know, you broke up with her?” I question.

“Uh, no.” He furrows his eyebrows.

“Not even kissed?”

“Maybe when I was drunk but if I did I can’t remember.” He answers.

“Has uhm, she?” Luke asks after some silence.

“I don’t think so, I don’t know, I don’t talk about that stuff when I talk to her.” I shrug. “I think she said that she kissed someone on a night out the other day.”

“What else did she say last night?” Luke asks, putting on a shirt.

“Uh…” I trail off. “We talked about you basically.” I confess and I get silence in return.

“She hates me doesn’t she?” Luke asks after a while.

“Uh no, I wouldn’t say that.” I cautiously speak.

“Well does she still have feelings for me?” He questions.

“It’s not my place to say, you should talk to her.” I tell him.

“She wouldn’t reply to me.” He shakes his head.

“When was the last time you talked to her?” I ask.

“When she left me at the airport.” He sadly states.

“What about texted her?”

“Ages ago, like before the accident even happened.” He answers.

“I gave her your number by the way.” I inform.

“You did?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” I nod.

“Why’d you do that?” He asks as he does his hair.

“In case she wanted to talk to you or something, I don’t know, I think it gives her comfort to know that you’re just a call away.” I shrug.

“Really?” He questions, looking at me.

“She doesn’t hate you Luke, she even told you herself that she’ll always love you, Harper just doesn’t want to be around you right now.” I tell him.

“Do you think she’ll ever want to be around me again?”

“Of the times right and things have changed then she might want to, I don’t know, I didn’t ask her.” I reply.

“Does she miss me?” He questions.

“I guess, you guys were in each other’s lives physically for 18 years, and now they’re gone, you’re gonna miss them. She saw you nearly everyday her whole life, you’re gonna have this connection and she’s bound to miss that. You miss her, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” He nods.

“Then there’s a chance she’ll miss you like you miss her.” I say.

“But she doesn’t want me anymore, I lost her.” He states.

“Yeah you did.” I agree.

“Do you think I have a chance to get back with her?” Luke asks.

“Not anytime soon, she’s not ready for anything like that, I don’t think. Maybe in the future, but I wouldn’t get your hopes up. It’s time to move on Luke, it’s been like 8 months, you can’t keep waiting around, just accept she’s gone, she’s the one that got away, and I’m not sure if there’s anything you can do about that.”

“It’s a lot easier said than done.” He shakes his head.

“She can’t understand that you cheated of her and why you’re so upset.” I tell him.

“I didn’t cheat on her because I didn’t love her anymore, there is no reason as to why I did it, I was just fucking stupid and ruined the best thing that ever happened to me.” He shakes his head in disappointment.

“To her, it’s not really about the cheating, sure that hurt like a bitch, but the actual break up is why she’s hurting so much. I know that she hates you for it, but she doesn’t hate you.” I reply.

“I wouldn’t say that.” He bitterly chuckles.

“It’s true, she doesn’t hate you.”

“How come every time we see each other she seems to hate me then.”

“She’s never been in the right headspace when she’s seen you. I don’t know, she doesn’t hate you, I promise.” I reassure.

“When do you think she’ll ever be in the right headspace?” He asks.

“That’s a conversation for another day and when we have more time.”

***

“So any music coming out anytime soon?” The interviewer, George, asks us.

“Maybe after the tour, but not anytime soon.” Ashton answers.

“Then again, we could be lying.” Michael says, putting his hands up.

“Then again.” I chuckle.

“So how has life been since you took this little hiatus?” George questions.

“Oh.” I awkwardly chuckle.

“We went back home for a while, and uh, had to do some stuff back there.” Michael replies.

“What happened? It had to be pretty urgent for you to take 2 months off tour.” He obliviously chuckles.

“We have a friend there and um she got in a serious accident.” Ashton informs.

“Oh, no way, I didn’t know. Is she okay now?”

“Yeah, I guess she’s fine.” Ashton nods.

“Good, so what are you looking forward to the most about being on tour again.” George questions.

“I’m looking forward to seeing the crowd sing with us.” Ashton answers.

“Running around on stage and messing with Luke.” Michael laughs.

“I feel like I’m in primary school again, uh, I’m looking forward to just performing, really.” I shrug.

“Luke.” He urges.

“Uh, I’m looking forward to interacting with fans and traveling.” Luke speaks for the first time.

“So who’s single?” He asks.

“Me.” Ashton raises his hand.

“Me too.” I raise my hand as well.

“Me three.” Michael answers, making me playfully glare at him.

“Me.” Luke sighs.

“You recently got out of a serious relationship, correct.” George asks Luke.

Luke just nods his head and bites his lip in response.

“How’s that been? You glad you’re out of it so you can do what most teenage boys do?” He cockily laughs.

“Um, I wouldn’t say that.” Luke chuckles, playing with the ring on his finger. “Uh, we broke up a little while ago, it’s different, I can say that. She’d been in my life for 18 years, so it’s been hard.”

“Are there any hard feelings? I imagine there is.”

“Not really, we don’t really talk much anymore, but she’s an amazing person and I don’t think I could speak badly of her. She’s was a huge part of my life so it’d be wrong to do so, it wasn’t a particularly bitter break up. She’s helped me through some tough times in the past, and I’ll be forever greatful for that because I couldn’t of done it without her. She’s so important to me, even still, and I miss her, but she’s living her best life and I can’t be mad at that.”

I wouldn’t say best life.

“Are you on good terms now?”

“We don’t talk much, but last time we spoke it was a little rocky, but what break up isn’t? I’ll always think highly of her, so I’d like to think we’re on good terms. We’ve moved on with our lives now, and it’s an end of an era.” Luke bites his lip.

This is what you call moving on?

“Do you still love her?”

“There’s always going to be something for her.”

[cindiquilsnivy]

My take on kh3 NO SPOILERS

So I'm going to try to keep this as unspoilery as I can. I may have slight nastolgia for the series but its not enough to blind me from saying that kh2 or kh1 is better. Kh3 is unique in its own way my personal preference is different than everyone elses so why this is my opinion it may not be yours. I really liked the game play though certain worlds felt really short why others felt really long i powered through the game and it brought me through many emotions.

Do I think the game play in kh2 is better than 3?

No, both of these games are amazing gameplay wise I perfer kh3 better though. Kh3 improves on a few things that kh2 didn't I love the fact we can use shot locks and keyblade transformations/form changes are quick and easy to pull off. With kh2 I was constantly scrolling threw the menu which messed me up at certain points. I cant focus on the menu and the gameplay at once so I typically use the shortcuts menu in kh3 which is one drawback to this. The other thing is when the characters switch the short cuts change I cant count how many times ive accedently used blizzard instead of cure.

So how are the worlds different from kh2? Some worlds feel more involved while some feel super long like certain worlds in kh2 for me. The land of dragons was one of the worlds that felt really long for me personally and I got the same feeling with pirates and Olympus in kh3. Its something they can fix because sanfransokyo personally felt really short for me it really could have used another gameplay section.

Ok so the story?

There are key differences you will notice it focuses on sora more than anyone else the same thing happened with kh2. Actually I think the story in kh2 was very similar in a way. Kh2 has final mix which added additional content we don't know what is going to happen to 3 yet but im hoping some questions I have are answered. In terms of rapping the story up kh3 does a pretty good job though again I really hope they do add in some more scenes that add extra development for certain characters and explain certain things. Kh1 and bbs were really strong with the story and I wish they would bring back some of that writing with future installments.

Is kh3 a bad game?

NO in fact its a really good game looking in as a fan of the series we got some really emotional moments. Do it think some people are saying that its bad for the sake of nastogia? Yes theres differences between kh1 kh2 and kh3 but in my personal opinion kh3 evolves the gameplay and certain points of the story. I wish that more interactions between characters were shown on screven but I understand why they did it this way. Its soras story not aquas or rikus. Its soras story for becoming a master and obtaining certain powers in the same sense that ddd was for riku. In a way it focuses on the trio of masters in the same way that 2 did for the destiny trio.

[gololblr]

"Did god have a say in the creation of the world" is a phrase that doesnt seem that odd when first looking at it, but can really mess someone up.

Like, was he limited to making our world with the constants we currently have? Could god have just said, yea lets round the G to 7*10^-11 and everything would still work out?

This also goes into my personal gripe with lines. Draw a line on a piece of paper, yea? Look closer. It aint a line. Its a gradent. There is no point that it suddenly becomes black from white. There's always white in the black, and vice-versa. There's always gray area.

Science knows this fact. They know that there are always more decimals n stuff, but they just choose to ignore it. Pass it off because its too small to matter in the long run? And yet, decimals can still fuck up am equasion a lot. Using 10m/s compared to 9.8m/s compared to (G*M1*M2)/(d^2) doesnt seem like a lot, but it really is a lot. Highschool physics? Literally throw air resistance out the window for the entire class. The only mention is that its not to be taken into account.

Seconds are the same way. If someone asks you to do something at a particular second, its really hard. Even then, theyres still gray area. Even with the implimentation of frames and button presses in video games, theres still a kind of window where its gray. Where its in between two frames. That area still exists.

Im honestly no "big brained" individual, but honestly humans are literally like if you hit the "randomize all" option on like the mii creator, but with like infinite possibilities. And honestly, to me thats much more beautiful and poetic than being told im made to fit the mold of some perfect being and its standards.

This goes into my own personal "dice roll" think. Tbh, theres probably some big brain theologian or old dude with a beard thinking about this right now, but in a different context, but my idea is as follows.

You can roll a dice yea? Its got like 6 sides on it. Now you'd think that that means when you roll it, there are only 6 possibilities right? And roll it enough times itll land back the same as when you started? Well in my mind, it can technically land on the same number, but it cant land in the same position. Think about it. Just from the directions of the corners, you can tell its wont. But if you look closer, you can tell it will never be the exact same positioning. If you roll a dice, it may land on that number again, but itll never land in the same spot.

This can also be seen in identical twins. Even though they look the same, they still have differnces. Whether it be a nose .00004 mm to the left, or a scar over their eye, or a hatred of spinach, there will be a difference. Even 2,000,000 years down the road, when someone is born with the same name, and the same face, they wont be the same as you. They wont have the same inteactions, or likes n dislikes. Even if they did somehow do not only gene manipulation and simulations on someone to replicate you, they couldnt possibly have the exact cell mutations or gene replication errors that make the little things in you, you.

You are just as unrepeatable as the roll of a dice, or the exact moment a leaf breaks off and falls. Which brings me to my next point.

I have never witnessed a leaf leave its branch. I have literally sat and watched trees and leaves every fall since i realized how mind boggling it is, and i still have yet to see it.

Dont get me wrong, ive seen falling leaves, seeds, and pinecones. I know gravity works and why fall is so great. Bit i have never seen a leaf cross the threshold of letting go of its branch. I know it exists. I know that wind probably effects it, but leaves will fall even without wind. I cant help but wonder at what causes that windless leaf to fall. Is it a cornerstone cell that just finally gives out? Is it some other kind of thing? What could possibly result in a falling leaf?

What is the exact chemical process that results in decay? Suprisingly, thats a question i can anwser. That is simply the improper copying of dna and stuff.

And yet, we still dont know how our brains work. We can look at cells, we can look at atoms, but we cannot possibly understand why laughter is a thing. We dont know anything about sleep, and even less about anaesthetics. Yet we do them regularly, even rely on them.

Humans survive mostly from two things. Sweating, and speaking. And honestly, those are probably the most horrifying things imaginable for prey. Sweating means we have cazy endurance. We can and will hunt anything down until it physically cannot move, and then kill it. And screaming to eachother at the same time. To be hunted by humans is much more scary then literally anything else. That is why horror mostly stars human-esk creatures that hunt humans.

One of humanity's greatest assests is also one of my biggest gripes. That is our obsession with observation and ourselves. We observe the world, and from that are given measurments and tools. We then use that to help ourselves. But we also have to see things. A famous phrase is "seeing is believing". Perfect example of this. We have to touch things. Even if its just with our eyes. But we also for some reason dont want to process things that arent ourselves.

Think about the non-humans that humans create. All those elderic abominations amd the like. Even the green martian men. They all are humaniods in shape. Even demonic, and cursed things have limbs. They have a head, and they have a brain. Anythign that is supposed to be equal to us or greater to us in power is humaniod. God? Humanoid. Satan? Humaniod. Kuthulu? Generally depicted as humaniod. Honestly the only exception to this idea is the angels in the bibel, like the cherubim and seraphim. Which at least one of them is a munch of rings with eyes and also wings.

Anywho, where was i? Oh yea, lines.

Nobody's perfect. Even in a computer world. Pixels are made of lights, which blend together and create gradents which are imperfect. Imputs are rounded. Time is rounded into frames. Fundamentally we are out of sinc with the universe. We round the numbers to the place we care about, putting a blind eye to those things.

Yet dont they add up? I mean in some cases yea, they do. Clocks become slow or fast. Heck even the official weight of a gram has changed. The object that was used to measure a gram actually ended up decaying enough that it messed up the official weight.

Dont even get me started on pi and natural e. Apparently (and i dont know for sure on this) but engineers round those numbers to 3. Like that is just messed up. That will actually, and legitimately fuck up a building or anything else.

Humans are truly odd creatures. Did you know that the current understanding of why we want to closely touch and even harm/kill cute and adorable things and even have the epression "i could eat you up... etc." Is beause we cannot process that emotion and so to relieve ourselves we want to rid the world of its existence? Its freakin wild honestly. We cant process something so we kill it. Itsnt that something just so specifically human?

Humans have such a thirst for knowledge, and yet also a fear of it. Consider comparing people like stalin and hitler and even the church, who burned and banned knoledge, to librarians who kept that knowledge.

Consider the eletric universe theory. Something that goes contrary to the current model of physics, but also works better in some areas. According to that, the sun wasnt always our sun, and also we were originally orbiting a red sun. Something totally wild to think about, but also makes sense. Like why ancient peoples kept talking about a red sun, and venus as a comet. It also states the idea that we didnt always have seasons, and that has something to do with why plants bloom when under red lights. I honestly dont know as much as i would like about this part to explain it better, but oh well.

We have this need to put everything in order, to have perfection. We just want to be the best we can. Specifically better than everyone else. And even if that means killing, harming, or demeaning others. Only if we are on the top, we will be alright.

--- Intermission---

... i just want to mention that i have no degree in this shit and also no sources bc im too lazy and tired to look up that shit. Also, when i say "human" really i can only speak generally. I know for a fact that some peopld break the mold to certain extents n stuff, i just wanted to streamline it a little bit.

---Intermission over---

Our obsession with being the best has led us to ome conclusion. However, that conclusion is contradictory to the question asked. To become the best, we have to work with others. Because "if i cant be the best, then nobody can.". And boom, we got society n shit. We start working together to hunt amd gather, and generally be nice people. Because loosing someone means lossing another source of food.

But im getting off the point. This isnt supposed to be a history of humanity. Everyone already knows that story. Humans started planting things, created towns, created cities, fought eachother and died a lot. Eventually enslaved eachother and finally decided that was a bad thing, even thoug not everyone in the world agrees. Now there's god, and politics, and school, and problems.

But what caused all of this? What was the catylist? What was the starting factor? Can the reason people fight today be traced back to the first accidental killing of a brother like cain and able? Or is it somethig totally recent. Is the reason we have society because two ancient homo sapien families merged? Or was it something else? Why do we wear clothes? Theyrs little to no reason except in the winter. Especially if we started in africa or Australia. I have no anwsers for these questions.

But dont let the past decide who you are. Theres a reason we have memories. Its to improve yourself. We are constantly at a crossroads. Even if you dont realize it.

You can physically do anything. Humans are scary crazy. If you just put enough minds to it, literally anything is possible. Sending someone to space? Yep. Being able to kill all life on the planet? Yep. Be able to eat uncooked broccoli? Definitely. There are of course some holes in that last statement. Like you cant physically eat the planet in 30 seconds, or (at least right now) cant change the way you think about cheeze puffs. Doesnt mean that cant change in the future. But at the moment.

The future is scary too. Genetic engeneering, designer babies, and pollution is all on the horizon. The only thing stopping is it ouselves and maybe god.

If you could ask an animal what god it believes in, what would it say? Is such an easy question for theologians to brush aside. (Not that ive asked one) i can just imagine them quickly responding "animals cant think dumbass" or "animals dont have souls" or "animals arent made in the image and likeness of god". Those are nice anwsers and all, but they dont anwser the question. I asked what god does your pet dog believe in, not why doesnt my dog tell be about every time zeus boned some village girl and how that gives them the right to bone me too.

Thank you for listening to my insane ramblings about the human condition, lines, and other weird stuff i have no sources for. I want to mention that most of this stuff is probably fallacies, but this was never meant to be taken seriously or coherent anyways.

[grubhivemind]

RYAN: -it's been another long day at work, but the walk from the shuttle stop to her apartment feels even longer as the white noise of city life in the background offers little distraction from the worries buzzing around in her head. sometimes drowning it out with music helps, but tonight she isn't really feeling it and simply lets it all happen during her trek.-

JACK: -Ryan seems so out of it she might not even notice the hobo guy sitting at the top of a city mailbox like he's riding a horse. He's not homeless exactly, but he is wearing his trenchcoat and crocs combo. Jack looks like he's kind of... people watching? Impossible. This man is blind. No way to prove his lost whatsoever.-

RYAN: -yeah right, like there's any way she's going to miss THAT. she does have to do a double take as she passes, though.- ... 

RYAN: jack. :thinking: -doesn't really question his being there, just observes it. that's him alright.-

JACK: -was in the middle of guzzling a handful of trail mix.- Hm? -turns his head as if to listen closer.- 

JACK: God? Long time no hear from you, bud. You sound attractive. Love what you're doing with the voice.

RYAN: yep. its me. gorgeous and deserving of worship. :sparkles:

RYAN:  just popping in to ask... whats goin on lil dude? having a nice sit down on that mailbox there? think theres room for a little divine intervention so to speak?

JACK: In the wise words of lyrical poets come and past-- maybe. Just maybe. You'll gonna be the one that saves me. 

JACK: And after all. 

JACK: You're my Wonderwall. 

JACK: -scoots forward and invitingly pats the space behind him.-

RYAN: -snorts and shimmies over to take a seat on the mailbox, sitting back to back with him.- its always refreshing to hear a devout young man reciting hymns. 

RYAN: -kicks her legs as she dangles them off the side, looking all around at the city.- this is an interesting new vantage point.

JACK: Wouldn't know. But I think there's a perfume-slash-soap store upwind. 

JACK: Guess I am enjoying the sights in a way.

RYAN: -she thinks she peeps the soap store. confirmed.- you do look like you have your eye on something.

JACK: I'll try to reel that in a little. -munches some granola.- 

JACK: I'd ask what you're doing out here but... 

JACK: That seems a little inappropriate.

RYAN: uh yeah. -peers over her shoulder at him with a brow raised.- considering i live a few blocks away.

JACK: Hmmmm. 

JACK: I guess that explains a few things.

RYAN: ... jack. 

RYAN: are you lost?

RYAN: and if you answer that with some cryptic witticism im gonna shove you off this mailbox.

JACK: That's asking a lot. -Grunts. But he doesn't really feel like explaining himself so he leaves it that.-

RYAN: -sass is definitely MUCH WORSE so she just looks ahead again, irritated.- 

RYAN: i guess it doesnt matter either way.

JACK: You're probably right about that. You're so... -makes a point of picking through his words as carefully as possible.- 

JACK: Understanding.

RYAN: -feels her cheeks burning suddenly. maybe she's just tired after a long day, but she's feeling more defensive than usual.- are you being sarcastic?

JACK: No. You're not... 

JACK: Doing anything wrong. -brushes his hands of granola. It's free for the birds now.-

RYAN: -shoulders slump as her frustration fizzles out suddenly, but her head still feels hot and a little dizzy.- 

RYAN: ... its hard to tell sometimes.

JACK: It's not your fault. -he could swear under his breath.- But maybe that's the problem. 

JACK: God. 

JACK: I should elaborate. -rubs at his face with a deep sigh.- Neither of us know what the hell we're doing. And it doesn't help when... 

JACK: Neither of us know whether what the other is doing is bad until it's too late. 

JACK: I've just been taking note of that that familiar creeping feeling where... I've been absent. But I don't realize I'm doing it til I'm walking circles in the middle of fucking nowhere and the only reason we're talking right now, is because you came out here by chance. 

JACK: ... 

JACK: Why are you the one looking for me but it's never the other way around? And why... 

JACK: Why are you putting up with that.

RYAN: -the dizziness is making her stomach churn at this point and all she can think to do to settle it is draw in deep breaths. it takes her a second to think, to really think of what the answer might be.- 

RYAN: maybe cuz i think its some way of repenting? i dunno. 

RYAN: you know when i left i... left this giant mess. everyone worrying about me. and burned by me. i just... 

RYAN: i guess i dont blame you for not wanting to be around me because nobody really does. 

RYAN: and i keep hoping i can make up for it if i try to reach out to people. and try to fix it. but you... 

RYAN: ... 

RYAN: if im really not at fault here like youre saying then that theory is gonna get me nowhere fast huh? suppose it already has.

JACK: I just have to ask you. 

JACK: Why it's worth compromising letting people treat you like hell. -fingers grip at the metal below.- 

JACK: I'm not... 

JACK: Helping you be a better person, Ryan. I'm not helping you at all.

JACK: I'm selfish, I'm mean, I'm--- 

JACK: Fucking crazy? And all you ever do is try and try your damndest to make me feel like a real person. 

JACK: When I don't. I really don't. 

JACK: So why do you end up with all the crap?

JACK: Don't you see how wrong it is??

RYAN: -a tight stinging throat adds to the plethora of unpleasant physical manifestations of her awful emotions. why does this have to keep happening this way? it really seems like she falls into the same habits over and over. and it always blows up in her face.- 

RYAN: i dont know??? 

RYAN: i mean is it???? yeah maybe i dont feel like i deserve it but at the same time i have all this evidence stacked against me that says actually ryan in some ways you kinda do deserve to go through hell to get even a sliver of heaven. 

RYAN: it just. it fucking sucks. -pushes at tears that she can't keep back any longer.- 

RYAN: because youre right. i dont know what im doing any more than you do. nothing i do makes any sense to me. nothing ever seems to work out. everyone around me ends up distant and more often than not im the one creating the distance. 

RYAN: the only thing that ever seemed to make any sense to me was how i felt when i was with you but thats-- thats not... 

RYAN: enough. is it?

JACK: N... -faulters a moment, unsure of his answer.- I don't think so. 

JACK: I just... 

JACK: Can't be someone who gets away with this crap. Who can't even pull his shit together enough to make you feel like-- 

JACK: You're supposed to feel when you're together with someone. Like all this struggle and strife is worth it because... 

JACK: At the end of the day, you're a better person when you're with them. But between us... Fuck. 

JACK: It's just not true. -he takes a deep shaking breath, hating himself with every minute.- Ryan... 

JACK: Why'd we get back into this. We really... were not ready for it.

RYAN: -she's trembling too, still slumped slightly against his back and savoring the touch knowing exactly how this going to end. she laughs, an awful aching, watery laugh, before she answers his question, rhetorical as it might be.- 

RYAN: we did it cuz were stupid. 

RYAN: we dont know whats good for us in any other aspect of our lives so-- fuck! -the nervous smiles crack into sobs. but it's still funny, because after everything she's gone through lately, this is the first time she's really let herself hurt, or let herself cry.-

JACK: -He's just... shitty. He feels it happening as they speak. He can't face her or do anything but let her lean against his back. Somewhere in all the heavy, Jack's hand reaches to find hers.-

RYAN: -she grasps back, entwining fingers and holding tight. it feels desperate, but she can't deny that it helps her calm down... after she lets herself cry a little bit longer, anyways. she tilts her head back against his shoulder to look up at the stars.- 

RYAN:  -it used to be that she'd stare at the sky and only want to flee far away from any kind of pain or confusion. but for once, she feels tethered to the earth, and maybe that seems she's finally grounded herself, if only a little. maybe that means progress. it's hard to tell with an aching heart, but with jack holding her hand despite everything, she feels like maybe healing is still possible for her.- 

RYAN: ... -sniffles.- you should go home.

JACK: I will. 

JACK: Just felt like the fresh air was doing me better than sitting in one place. -just keeps holding her hand-

RYAN: okay. cool.

RYAN: ... yeah. 

RYAN: i agree. -well... she's not letting go either.-

[isaacathom]

so theeennnn the woman starts interacting w/ more villagers the more time she spends and she starts becoming real good friends with some of them. and because her ‘master’ thinks shes trustworthy and stuff, he’s not strict, and she sometimes gets free time to just hang out with these friends shes made. and the survivor, from that attack, is really pissed that shes basically just a regular worker as opposed to a ‘proper slave’, angry that he’s being lenient and that she’s just been accepted.

so what the guy does, is he gathers evidence of her ‘slacking off’, even gets some testimonies from people who don’t know that her master allowed it and shit, and he peeps on her hanging out with one of the ladies from the village and being real close to her. and he brings it before their council, claiming she’s fucking around instead of atoning for the misdeeds. so they bring everyone together, and it doesnt even go far, because the second in command steps forward and goes ‘listen yall, this is my fault, ive been lenient in her work and she’s been permitted time off to relax, and she’s been using said time to make friends. if this set up displeases the council, i will alter it immediately and she will be reigned in. i am at fault, not her’

and the council accepts it, her schedule is changed to minimise that free time spent on the town, and the survivor is FURIOUS, because the punishment deflected off the woman and punished that guy instead, and thats not what he wanted. so he’s gotta find something else.

the end goal would be to provoke her into demonstrating her goddamn ~magic hands~ and proving beyond a shadow of a doubt in anyones mind that she definitely did the murder, which would have her ostracised instead of welcomed and would ruin her good status with the second in command. after all, his good treatment of her mostly came as him believing her to be innocent and non-complicit in the attack. if the survivor can prove that she has the ability, then she’ll lose the good status. but i think going from the aforementioned slacker charge to bringing back the murder is..... a bit.... a bit high. theres gotta be a middle ground.

but while i think that up, the provocation. itd be tough, because shes a fairly collected sort, and quick to resort to humour or to straight up disappear as soon as stuff gets tough on her. so he’d have to get her in a place she cant leave, and a very public place at that in order to ensure he’s not seen as a guy with a vendetta, and he’d have to provoke her. all i can imagine that’d really provoke her would be a suggestion that she’s fucking the second in command, because anyone would be insulted at the suggestion that their status comes from just shagging a guy. idk if that’d tilt her so hard she almost goes murderer, if anything she’d just be :||| excuse me, sir, do you want the chicken or not. like customer service or smth.

if it was long term, like its a long night and he keeps going, it could hit her by the end, especially if she cant easily access the second in command and get him to like. switch her out or something. she’s stuck dealing with him chipping away. maybe the shag suggestion comes at the end and its what finally tips her over. at that point, her eyes would go white and she’d go ‘excuse me’ in a very creepy voice and the survivor would suddenly realise that this isnt actually exactly what he wanted. see, what HE’S thinking is that he can provoke her into doing something she’s not allowed to do. and he’s done that, he’s succeeded, but said thing is an attempt to stuff his head into a christmas turkey with fucking telekinesis. what happens in the end is he stammers out a repeat of what he just said, she steps forward and white light surrounds her hand, he starts screaming in absolute fucking terror and someone tackles her to the ground to prevent her from hurting anyone. after all, everyone knows about the attack. everyone knows how it was described, they all heard what that survivor said, about how a mysterious lady summoned white light in her hands and shots holes through people. and they see the lady that they were told did it but, on reflection of character, really didnt buy that, and they see her summon white light, and it clicks in for EVERYONE. every single person in that room, excusing perhaps children and The Blind, is that she absolutely did it.

so following that display, she’s put back in the slave quarters and its a fucking disaster, dude. like shes distraught. she’s fucked it up. she’s maintained that, though she has ~magic hands~ and could have been in the area at the time and encountered the hunters, she’s ALWAYS believed that she could never have killed them. not with intent, absolutely not. if she did do it, it wouldve been as a result of her being so exhausted that she didnt understand what she’d done. but never, at no point, did she genuinely believe or know that she did it. but her almost fucking up the survivor, it proves to her (and everyone else) that she did. she now has no excuse. she cant reason with it. everything adds up. magic hands, intent to do harm, it all tracks, she had the power and the ability to do it, and if thats the case, how can she say she didnt do it????

at that point, the second in command would need to talk to her, but she wouldnt talk. she’s just silent, head in hands, and nothing he can do can convince her to just explain what happened. and he has to come before the council, or specifically the guy he’s the right hand of, and explain that. it gets really weird. the thing is, her actions imply an intent and attempt to reoffend, which is grounds for banishment. the second in command really doesnt want to do this, because hes positive that if she would just talk to him, he could save her from that, and he still thinks that maybe theres a misunderstanding. because at this point, she’s been in this town for over a year, and she’s been so good up till that point, this doesnt add up to him, there must be more to it.

the only way to really clear her name of that last debacle and keep her in town is to prove it wasnt premeditated. if they can prove she was provoked, they can get her. the problem is, the people who wouldve been close enough to hear all the survivors comments were friends of his, and wouldve agreed with it, thought it fun and not seen his game. they though she snapped as a result of a few harmless comments and that it wasnt a deliberate provocation by him. being able to prove that he provoked her deliberately would clear her. but shes the only one who can prove it, and aside from not talking, its difficult to take the word of the accused on its own. the second in command could stand as a character witness, to speak on her good name, and there are many who could, but equally many who saw what she did and wont. the second in commands word will not stand. everyone thinks that shes corrupted him in some way. before the display, they probably all thought that, but in a vaguely positive way. he’d become a better leader, prime to become the High Council Guy, with her involvement. if there was corruption, it was generally well meant and produced a positive result for all (except the survivor and his family, ofc)

the only OTHER way to really clear her name is to find who actually DID the murder. if they can prove she didnt kill the hunters, then she didnt reoffend, and furthermore would no longer be a slave, or would have her ‘term’ drastically shortened. problem is, beyond the fact that noone knows anyone else would could match the picture of the killer, is that i dont actually know if she did it or not. i like the idea of keeping it ambiguous. proving that she could, but also proving through her general character that she couldnt, making a conundrum for ‘reader’ and characters as to whether she did or not.

god, idk. three clearing options - prove he provoked her into ‘reoffending’ at the party or whatever, prove she didnt do the murder in the firstplace, OR even prove that he and the hunters provoked her in the initial attack, which would subsequently downgrade the initial offence into an act of self defence, which would carry different connotations. OOH, and there’d be a way to do it, sorta, if we bring the initial attack a lot closer to when she collapses in town. like, a day or so. as in, the attack happens and the hunters are all brought back to town in their awful state. the survivor, who wasnt actually injured, explains what he saw. the next day, a woman matching his description of the attacked collapses badly injured in the town. when questioned, she has no recollection of ever meeting the hunters, and thus cannot prove she did or did not kill them. coincidental evidence is still strong. but theres the problem - she’s very badly injured with fresh wounds. were they received in the altercation? but the survivor claims the woman just appeared and attacked them, and that all they could do was run and hide until she left. no blows landed on her, he claims, as all the hunters lowered their weapons once they saw she was human, and wouldnt have had time to raise them for an attack.

so you layer that, and you get the idea that perhaps the hunters attacked this exhausted woman and she snapped, as she did in the ‘party’, and retaliated with ~magic hands~. but because she doesnt actually remember ever meeting the hunters, she cant prove that, hence being found guilty of murder and becoming a slave.

so then, if the second in command really wants to clear her name, and she wont talk to him, and no close witnesses would implicate the survivor as the unquestioned provoker in the display, he needs to prove she committed the murders in an act of self defence. there would be evidence, without doubt. her wounds wouldve been documented, as would those of the hunters and the locations they were found. possibly if the second in command went the location, he could find a weapon coated in blood that implicates one of the hunters as having landed a blow on her. but a) thats a bit deus ex and b) itd be difficult to place the blow as being before or after she went all ~Avatar State~ on the hunters, which means it wouldnt be useful. thats the issue here. if its been a long time since the attack, a year like a said, itd be really difficult to confirm whether she did it when the only witness is the Survivor, who’s a cunt. if she remembered the incident, and could explain it, the whole mess wouldve been fixed, but her suddenly remembering the attack after a year and when shes in trouble would look /real/ suspicious, and wouldnt be taken seriously at all.

whoops written myself into a detective hole here. fuck. this is why all my dr fan stories fell through, yall. the fucks a murder mystery.

unless like. ok. heres an idea. so the woman is travelling with someone else the whole time (for what reason? she doesnt explain, but shes clearly a foreigner so mm), and theyre both exhausted and probably vaguely headed for the town to rest and recuperate. on their way, theyre encountered by the hunters. things lead to things, probably nasty, and the travelling partner is killed by the hunters. they know theyre humans, and the Survivor’s mention of ‘putting their weapons down’ is probably true, as of when they first encountered the women. but as i said, shit leads to shit, the traveller is murdered, and The Woman loses her fucking mind. of course, at this point, the hunters all have their weapons drawn, with the possible exception of the survivor, because itd make some sense in a sec. so the hunters, w/ their weapons drawn, see the woman go all Avatar and attack her, in response to which she fucking destroys them. at that point, possibly leaving the Survivor due to him not participating in the murder of her friend. the woman promptly flees the scene, screaming bloody murder. this is what, at least initially, piques the interest of any villagers nearby, because her yells probably echo through the forest.

The survivor thinks fast. his friends were just slain in front of him. theres a dead woman in front of him, who his friends just murdered. what does he do? chucks the woman in a fucking ditch, probably. and because investigators have no reason to look in the ditch, they dont. the womans body remains. because the Survivors now covered in shit, he goes and starts to drag one of his friends back to town, and now he starts yelling for help. the story is set. he and his friends were set upon by a wild woman and slaughtered. he alone survives, covered in cuts and scratches from the undergrowth and trees and covered in the blood of his friends. when the woman subsequently turns up in town, blood covered and fatigued, her wounds are coincidental. she doesnt remember their encounter. she has no reason to inherently distrust what the Survivor says. all she knows is that she was travelling with someone, who now isnt there, and she has to believe that in their exhaustion and injuries they were separated. she has no idea.

and the thing w/ the survivor not killing the friend comes up. because the Woman has ZERO reason to feel inherent hatred towards him. if she saw the hunters’ bodies, which she didnt, she mightve had a gut reaction, but she has no gut reaction of the violent or upset kind towards the Survivor, because he didnt do it. she doesnt hate him. so for the whole time shes in the village, she treats her vague sense of deja vu towards his face as just a coincidence and moves on. ofc she develops hatred to him, as hes a Cunt, but she doesnt have it inherently. she clearly doesnt, because she let him live when she slew his friends.

so THEN what happens is that, in the lead up to another trial of her, the second in command explores the area in which the attack happens, and discovers the partly preserved body of her friend in the ditch. its brought back to town for investigation, because, yknow, a dead fucking body covered in weapon wounds, theres foul play. they briefly postpone the Woman’s trial in order to investigate this fresh case, and she could be found with shit on her that is identifiable as either the hunters’ or the Survivors, implicating him. as that shit mounts and stuff looks sus, the second in command manages to convince the council to allow him to bring the Woman to see the corpse. then she fucking reacts, because she immediately recognises it as her friend, and she probably almost goes avatar again before being restrained and escorted out. NOW she’ll talk. thing is, she still has 0 recollection of the night of the attack. her memory doesnt miraculously reappear on that front. that whole night doesnt exist. probably a trauma thing but also, try and remember a specific random day from over a year ago, good luck buddy.

but she’d now be able to explain proper what happened on the day of The Display, and theyd be able to piece a lot of stuff together and come to a conclusion that she and her friend were attacked by the hunters and that she retaliated after they killed her friend, which would allow to sorta slot under an act of self defence (or a similar, not fuckig murder charge, you feel me), thus allowing her sentence to be drastically shortened, and for a charge of murder (or conspiracy to murder, or culpability, or like, what... accessory! accessory to murder) to be laid upon the Survivor and posthumously upon the hunters.

fuck. thatd work. i guess? especially if the element of the dead woman is established. mentioned when the woman wakes up in a panic in the home of a king soul, asking if theyve seen her and if she was with her, and being forced to weakly concede that she doesnt remember having seen her recently due to her exhaustion blacking out many of her days. then you can bring it up later, when the second in command gets closer and more curious about her and asks about how she came to be in the village, and she’d mention her travelling partner and how she wished she knew where she was. then, the body. BAM. fuck! rule of threes, motherfuckers, i know how to construct a narrative! fuck me

tl;dr the Survivor tries a few times to get the Woman thrown out, and eventually succeeds in almost being attacked and killed by her. in an effort to clear her name (because hes a naive good soul who cant combine the image of a murderer with the general way this woman has acted since her arrival), her master, the Second in Command, does a sweep of the area in which the survivor was attacked and discovers the partly preserved corpse of a woman, who was murdered by the Hunters, prompting their deaths at the hands of The Woman.

fuck me down