#theres an absolute ocean of things to learn about this u know so much it really is impressive!!!

[absentmoon]

hey bug!! i hope you dont mind me terrorizing your inbox with anime idols again :) i'm reworking my insert and wanted to!! talk about him a little if you don't mind!!

my previous idea had him as primarily a solo unit, with him teaming up with madara as a unit together sometimes!! in the !! era, units are like. super mega important to be part of, best there are lots of events (like the ss finals) that require a unit of two or more!! madara is the only character in a solo unit (called MaM) and so he's theoretically the only one not allowed to partake in the finals. anyways, in reading some of the stories i realized as fun as madara is, he's also the kind of person who'd be really exhausting to deal with a lot???? plus even if that weren't the case, considering his other line of work he'd definitely turn smile down if he asked to work with him.

so my current idea is to stick him in undead because they are my favorite unit and i would like to cuddle with all of them. smile's aesthetic is way too cutesy for undead but that can be his charm point :) they have this whole!!! demons of the night bad boy vibe but they are all so kind & caring & loyal.... rei is described as a "demon with more human kindness than anyone you'll meet" or something along those lines and like. yeah. yeah he is. during the ! era he does a lot to help trickstar with their rebellion and ALSO hes just a rlly good senior (most notably towards the twins but really just in general). also rei has a coffin he keeps in the band room and he just sleeps in it. not related to his kindness but it is one of my favorite rei things. kaoru has this whole playboy thing going on and he acts like he doesn't want any meaningful relationships with anyone other than a hot girl, but he really does care about his friends so bad!!! i dont have a solid example but i believe there's a story where he offers his home to kanata which is so sweet to me. koga is very vulgar and quick to violence but he ALSO cares for his friends so bad he's so loyal. there is many a joke about the wolf being a lapdog and similar and like. yeah he's a huge puppy. i love him. and adonis is so super protective!! hes canonically INSANELY strong and so he gets nervous around small or delicate things bc he doesn't want to hurt or break anything... grr wait i like totally devolved into undead lovemailing BUT. i love them a lot and they started as a sort of "we're just here for the convenience" kind of unit, but they grow to be SO IMPORTANT to eachother and i love groups that are like that. i think the main thing abt undead is that they come off as either untouchable or scary on the surface but in reality theyre so caring and so i think my insert would fit in pretty well with them :)

here's undead so you kinda have a visual!! from left to right is adonis, rei, kaoru, and koga :) sorry this ended up so long again!! >.<

THIS IS SO COOOL i love ur idoltalking alwayssss u have so much knowledge its so RAD..love the idea of this really dark aesthetic contrasting with smile's cutesy one that works rlly nicely imo :3c theres so so much detaiiil in this franchise like??? its so awesome i love hearing about all the intricacies and chara dynamics.. also wolf being a puppy is so good HFGFGDD thank you sm for sharing always :DD!!

[funsizedshark]

your griddlehark was such a funny and cute reading! and i was wondering if you have any griddlehark recs on ao3? thank you!!

hi anon! first of all thank you so much, i'm so glad u enjoyed it hehe and second of all!! i absolutely do :] i wouldn't call myself an expert but ive been going through the tag and i definitely have a few favorites that i need to comment on because i really loved these fics a lot. all of these are currently complete! i hope you enjoy them and if you want im always up for discussing great works hehe

here we go: not enough to ruin me by autumntales: 29k, the handmaiden au set on the ninth. showstopping amazing incredible if you havent seen the handmaiden i think id recommend you watch the movie first because knowing the plot twist is coming makes it even sexier but! theres no movie knowledge required. excellent work.

its a long road (losing all you own) by greekphilosophress: 5k, library au, harrow thinks shes being haunted and antagonized by gideon. honestly whats new. harrow's internal monologue on the brink of a nervous breakdown is what rlly makes this fantastic

the things that befall cavaliers by ThatAloneOne: 1k, short and sweet in that rip your heart out way. gideon and harrow from the end of gtn are time-looped back to the beginning of the events while theyre still on the ninth. i wanna read a 40k fic with this premise now

Midnight at the Mithraeum by zoicite; 66k, harrow is the manager of a speakeasy, gideon works at a casino, they hate each other and wake up married. literally what more could you ask for. i love realistic relationship development and even though they are very stupid and bad at communicating i adore them

Cake by the Ocean by zoicite: 15k, same author!! gideon bargains her voice for human legs after she saves harrow from drowning. it goes just about as well as you imagine it would go but its hilarious

The Furnace of You by Cypseloides: 67k, post htn (not nona compliant) where harrow, gideon and cam(and pal) end up escaping from the mithraeum. the summary reads angst. dramatiques. kissing. and theyre right its all of that but theres also camilla being incredible. palamedes being just as great. and most importantly, gideon getting some LOVIN

blue gray green lavender by smolranger: 29k, harrow and gideon are forced to work together to participate in a sailing race. this made me want to learn how to sail, which is the highest possible compliment i can pay a fic-you made me wanna learn something. thats incredible. i love it. the amount of detail in it is so good to read and the griddlehark is just. chef's kiss. excellent work

raise the gates, love by syntheseas: 3k hades (the videogame) au where gideon is zagreus and harrow is thanatos. if uve ever played the game youre gonna love this, its so good and the premise is PERFECT like are you kidding. thats Them

trust/fall by strangehunger; 4k, piercer harrowhark lets tattoo artist gideon tattoo her. anon u dont know me but tattoos are IT for me so this really checked all the boxes for me personally

we've got a good thing goin' by sinshine: 14k, nebulously post htn, team 69 find a safe house and its. the tern family vacation home. its hilarious. griddlehark try and fail to figure their shit out until they get it right. i love it

beat your swords into ploughshares (and your spears into pruning hooks) by NotAFicWriter: 18k, post-war, harrowhark goes cottagecore and avoids everyone. she plants tomatoes instead. little butch farmer harrow was everything i never knew i needed but this fic DELIVERED. i was yearning for a butch farmer wife like ten words in

eyes and words so icy, oh but she burns by groundedsaucer (coasterchild): 47k, harrow is a figure skater, gideon is a hockey player. obviously they end up pair skating together for a competition. obviously they hate each other at the beginning. i went into this with high expectation and finished it with the delight i usually associate with good sports anime. loved it

nothing safe is worth the drive by saltwaterconfessions (rosesandcinnamon): 4k, modern au with out besties on a road trip, the pining is incredible. hit a little bit too close to home ! the lesbian yearning is strong in this one !

let’s drink to feelings of temptation by overnights: 25k, bartender colleagues au, extremely fun because i love them being antagonistic. it fuels me.

memories of darkness undone by the light by corpsesoldier: 5k, not nona compliant post htn, if these two just TALKED TO EACH OTHER............ i swear to god. also an excellent example of lesbian miscommunication and yearning. really good

i hope u have fun reading! make sure to also check out other fics by these same authors and send them some love :] i might update this list in the future as i read my way through the tag. have a nice day!

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

[dogmouthhorse]

alskdfj i was like,,,, (there's a B vine voice) did they rb the meme??? anyway do all the entities im an Eye ass bitch and i demands Facts :eye: :lips: :eye: (

ALL OF THEM????? OK SBJSNSKSKSN sowwy i didnt write the questions im lazy

eye: i mean. id like to think im vast but. in reference to that one post, im bitches

spiral: i was as a kid!!! and now im REALLY BAD AT IT!!

end: i wanna learn everything i can!!!!!! every skill and every language and everything there is 2 know.......

stranger: i am!!!! im suuuuper easily scared but i love horror anyway

lonely: I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS SO MUUUUUUUCH 😭😭😭😭 I CANT JUST PICK A FEW!!!!!! i love that all my friends listen 2 me talk abt my interests n think of me when they see things i like and tell me about their days and send me dumb posts n care 4 me and im LOVING MY FRIENDS SO MUCH FUCK!!!!

desolation: idk! maybe??? idk man!!!

slaughter: i like a lot of stuff but theres a specific. type i hyperfixate on? its the lemon demon jack stauber tally hall miracle musical kinda thing yknow? i also love ajj n vocaloid bsjsfksk

vast: in theory? i dont swim is the thing hsksks im afraid of the ocean and my skin hates sunscreen and chlorine so like. h

buried: ehhhhh depends? i dont like crosstalk? so like shopping centers suck but also if its like. a live show or smth i go fucking wild so its fine

dark: mannnnnnn. i like bright colours!!! dark n pastel r fine but. im a clown

corruption: i try not to!! i dont like killing em i usually escort them outside or just let them vibe but if something crawls on me i slap on instinct. also at night im possessed by the slaughter n i might do a murder 😔

web: eh im ok???? idrk i think im. capable i guess

flesh: yeah!!! not particularly in my muscles but my joints r p flexible i like to sit w my leg hooked over my shoulder bc its comfy

hunt: nooooooo im scared of everything being cool and sexy is not worth it

extinction: absolutely fucking not have u met me im such a baby

[guess-ill-die-again]

top ten kagepro songs?? 0:

*rubs hands* u now i read your whole wall of text about this? well now its my turn c:

warning half of this post is just about Shinigami Record bc i’m looking WAAY too deep into it but honestly i love doing that gbdhsg that part has over 500 words and im not sorry

Disclaimer: The first few don’t have numbers bc I just CANNOT choose a favorite ok ngsdhjgs

Shinigami Record - I’m gonna start with this one because i was already planning on making a post about how underappreciated this song is… half of this post is probably gonna be about this song alone so i might as well put it as nuumbr one tbh

Musically it’s really simple and just so amazingly gentle. I feel like the slow piano and the way its played in the verses helps to convey Azami’s feelings really well. It starts as just a bunch of lonely piano notes, but then as Azami finds someone who loves her, feelings grow and change, so does the guitar replace the piano for the second verse. Then the harmonies for the part when Azami creates the Kagerou Daze make it feel not only more mystical but also give it more emotion. She creates it filled with love for her family after all, this part needed to have a lot of emotion in it! But then it quiets down and the lonely piano returns.. the guitar and piano interlace each other(i cant find a good english word for it im sorry) while Azami’s voice is growing more unsure and then ‘gasps’ with the realization, in a way. The harmonies return and we hear both the lonely piano and the love-filled guitar. Azami is really conflicted and u can HEAR that!! Then it bursts with the pitch change and you can just hear how heartbroken she is! the highest note really reminds me of when people are trying to sing but they’re crying so their technique is egh but it has so much emotion?? idk maybe its just IAs voice… and then after she sings “I still love you” theres a drop that sounds like slamming doors and the guitar is GONE. It ends on the same lonely piano we started with(different pitch blahblah i know ok) but there’s also the added noise that you can either hear traffic in, OR the sea/ocean waves. I KNOW im reading way too much into this but traffic could allude to our time, where the main story is set and the fact that what Azami did has consequences reaching much further than she could have ever imagined but also that despitwat happened, most people don’t even know about her story and everythings… well, normal. The sea waves would be just like the world she’s come to love and she’s leaving it all behind i guess lolThe way this song tells Azami’s story is uh, very simplified, but i think it works well. It gives you enough information to feel sorry for her even if it doesn’t really explain much. We only see Azami’s perspective so i’m not surprised or disappointed that reasons behind Tsukihiko’s disappearance arent really stated. Also i’m kind of glad it doesn’t delve deeper into the story, because i personally really didn’t like these chapters of the manga at all lol bc i didnt agree with the characterization and it didnt show Azami’s loneliness as much and kind of ruined the magic. I like Azami’s story when its still told as a kind of fairytale…This is also probably THE best Kagepro song in terms of tuning, too. idk what happened but i feel like here it’s much more soft than the other songs which makes it all the more enjoyable.

one day i’ll write a full essay on this…

I’m not gonna go that deep into any of the other ones dont worry

Remind Blue - Easily the best song on the Mekakucity Reload album. While i adore Additional Memory as well, my heart belongs to Remind Blue. Because the range isn’t that big, Miku’s voice and Jin’s tuning of don’t get overbearing. Im also a sucker for lyrics connecting to past events or symbols so the whole time reading the translation i was just lying in bed like kermit surrounded by heart emojis. I may or may not make a cover of this one…

Lost Time Memory - I feel like all that could be said about this song has already been said so I’ll just say i love it. I was introduced to it through Juby’s english cover(Classical Rock Arr. version!! thats important, i love this arrangement probably more than the original but the dude who made it just doesnt have a nice voice for this song… Juby’s not perfect but this cover’s good enough) an really this is the song that made me want to learn about Kagepro so there’s a lot of pure nostalgia connected to this one.

4. Ayano’s Theory of Happiness - whenever i tell someone new about kagepro i always say this is the song that makes me cry and laugh the hardest. I laugh a lot because of the tv anime version bc lmao every time i see it i LOSE IT gndnsdgs The reason i cry is quite obvious i think, but i still feel the need to specify it’s because of the lyric “so I hope you can love tomorrow”. It’s just such a simple thing but it makes me tear up 99% of the time. And like the thing is, the last couple of lines aren’t directed at any particular character either so its like she’s singing to us. She hopes we can love tomorrow as well… and just for you Ayano, I will try.

Also MARiA’s cover is the best one i barely listen to the original now lmao

5. Summertime Record - did i mention im a sucker for lyrics where the character is looking back at what happened? bc yeah i am. This song is really dear to my heart for some reason so much so that when at a camp with the choir ive been in for like 6years we were supposed to make a little song about it for the last campfire, i managed to get my friends to write the lyrics to this song with me and i think that in itself is very fitting to this song. and just.. yeah the whole thing just feels very welcoming and I love Haruka so

6. Children Record - BOYS👏 AND👏 GIRLS👏 yeah this song staight up slaps and i love it (altho i mostly listen to the version with MARiA bc the tuningin this one :’) its realy good go listen) and uh yeah its just a really good opening to the series! idk what to say exactly so uh really lets not drag this out

7. Additional Memory - so when this song came out i had to lay down for like a week bc just… woah yeah ok!! all the motifs and melodies from other songs just hit me so HARD and THE PV OH MY GOOOD i was SCREAMING! and youre absolutely right about the lyrics!! “if this were all a misunderstanding, i don’t want to hear it” just HITS and HURTS and GOD YEAH

8. Kagerou Days - ahh classic above classics…. the one where you’ve set your expectations for Hibiya to just be a good childhood friend only to have it be crushed by other media… its just a great base for angsty AUs for anytwo cahracters that care about each other really and i love it! also like when i first listenedi was like what and when i realized whats happening i was just…  poetic cinema guy but with hearts i really love angst huh

9. Headphone Actor - I don’t know what to say apart from I love Takane, I love the whole Harutaka story, I love the metaphor and the music and I have a little lesbian moment every time i listen to LiSA’s version of the song(THE WAY SHE SHINGS “Dokoka e to mukatteru”??? IM TOO GAY FOR THIS SHIT I CANT) and its 3:30am so i cant think anymore okbut god i love LiSA’s voice

10. Never Lost Word - ah the kinnie really jumps out here lmao this is the song i listened o and was just !! it me!! which… NOT a good thing if not for the last verse lol but yeah i just identify with kido a lot so like…i just really felt this song back when i first listened to it and even now i still do… just… yeah. and i just really like it in every way i guess lol

ALSO Shoutout to Gunjo Rain and Dead and Seek for beeing other tragically underappreciated Kagepro songs bc they dont have PVs

[benjaminhunter]

wow dont read this if youre gonna unfollow for me speaking a bit abt my life situation btw even if the whole thing sounds so much like a 15year old narcissistic cunt’s post venting about their emo problems and their ‘i hate my fucking life’ stick like i used to vague about on scattered fanfic french blogs; look ill get over myself ! sooner than you think ! but i havent made a really personal post on this blog in a while cos it felt.. useless and self pitying in the wake of the really upsetting suffering i see on my dash, from the mutuals i consider friends and the political situation that i kinda want to escape from? but even then. that feels self pitying. and also its almost 8 am so no one will see the bs im posting. so  anyway an update on my thrilling life ! my moods have been flickering between extreme anger and complete exhaustion ! obssessively checking social medias of artists i really looked up has transformed the feeling of admiration i felt into complete beatdowns of myself, always comparing myself to them and rejecting everything decent i made.. getting angry over ship content for absolutely no reason when ive always been the type to be ‘oh fuck it live and learn’; now my anger is making me feel like im expecting ppl to draw content for a f/f rarepair and when this rarepair is overshadowed by huge het or m/m popular pairs i get pissed off, storm and brood about it, feeling like im a child throwing a tantrum ! so thats fun !!!!!!!!!!! lol !!!!!!!!! all my insecurities flooding back because the dam is damn broke when ive been taping it the best i could over the past years. so im feeling intense jealousy at talented artists finishing their projects and starting new ones, and w/ mikus 10th bday coming up and everything- it feels like when youre following your multiplayer guild’s quest in a mmorpg but with bad internet. theyre accomplishing so much and im. here? what? what achievement do i have for myself? oh yeah. i played dr:ae at least ten times. and yet i still couldnt find the energy to make decent dr:ae fanart. its awful. its terrible ! and my asshole dad feels like he can strut all he want because i chickened out on calling the cops on him that one time and hes been even more verbally abusive, although the good side is hes not hitting me or my sis anymore. i guess pulling a knife on him once when hes done so on me so many times impressed him a bit, yknow, the snake that comes back to bite you in the ass? you reap what you sow bs? yeah. so no more slaps or punches, which is good. i guess he yells more and lashes out at the dog, which is terrible, but he hasnt been a complete ass to the rabbit, mostly because hes too lazy to come upstairs and kick chaussette’s cage or smash stuff off the shelves i guess. still the wifi is Very bad cos obvs my parents are hogging the bandwidth, the weather is bad, my sis and i dont have money to fish out of our purses to go to the pool, the library is closed & friends are either working or on holiday away with their families, also our teacher just confirmed that there will be an entrance exam at the start of year2 and i need to get stellar grades to get into the teacher course,so im wasting my eyes frantically speedrunning japanese grammar basics from year1; while my moms accusing me of being selfish for not wanting to go on a stupid 2week trip when i want nothing to do with her and my dad. my ex’s situation is still hanging over my shoulders, that bitch is still cursing me beyond the grave shes been digging and the shit morons that are her friends are still trash talking me, make ‘triggerd memes ;)))’ about me which is fine i guess :)) at least im not lurking their every tweet & post they do so my head is mostly clear on that, the trick is not to think about it or else it WILL fuck me up.. u got other worries like im worried about getting a job even and im worried about celeste’s job and while i know she definitely can handle herself im afraid of drunks coming into her store, have been ever since i started living with one, so theres that lel. 

im glad i got to spend some time with suke and yura and manon before we parted ways two weeks ago, and celeste i ever so sweet.. its been 1 (one) whole year since weve been together although it feels like ive loved her for .. way longer than this so. like if i could get one wish rn, it’d be to get to leap across the ocean so i could be physically close to her and enjoy some time w/ her. get you a girl who gives you butterflies like that, man. shit. wow wow chica bow wow this is long winded and whiny and ill probably regret ever writing that

[xiaobaobaei]

get to know me tag💕

i was tagged by @jimoons thank u bb!!💝 rules: answer 30 questions about yourself then tag 20 people you want to get to know better 1. nickname: dont really have one! my name is sonja so theres not many options for nicknames i guess 2. gender: female 3. star sign: taurus 4. height: 158cm i think thats like 5'2? 5. time: 11:03 pm 6. birthday: april 24th 7. favorite bands: uHH i dont really listen to that many bands omg years & years, alt-j, the neighbourhood, and my boys bts obviously 8. favorite solo artists: frank ocean and lorde are my absolute faves atm! also childish gambino (even tho his newest album wasnt that great rip🤧), and uhhh idk i listen to mostly mainstream rap / hip hop / pop stuff 9. song stuck in my head: Rolex by Ayo & Teo someone please help me 10. last movie watched: uhhhh idk but i think the last time i actually went to the cinema was for the purge: election year?? good movie!!!! 11. last show watched: idk what its called bc it was chinese but we had english subtitles n it was really funny!! (also sidenote i agree with sophie avatar: the last airbender is the greatest show of all time...... prince zuko is the love of my life) 12. when did i create my blog: i had this blog since like 2012 (bc of one direction lmao like probably 90% of people on this website) then i abandoned it for years and started using it again last year maybe? 13. what do i post: pink and beige aesthetic pics, bts, memes and uhh text posts 14. last thing i googled: "i feel like absolute shit just want her back meme" what the fuck did i need that for oh my god 15: do you have any other blogs: yeah one reference blog for posts i wanna keep like lists, art reference / inspiration, skincare etc etc so i have it all in one place with a nice tagging system so i dont need to search thru my likes and another one for bts stuff that doesnt fit the colour scheme on my main but i dont want them to get lost in my likes (also to say dumb shit in the tags lol yeet) 16: do you get asks: maybe once every 3 decades most of my followers dont even recognize my existence omg 17: why did you choose your url: uhm its a good time of the day and also aesthetically pleasing i guess 18: following: 170 i think 19: followers: around 200 bc i soft blocked old / inactive followers when i restarted this blog 20: favorite colors: blush pink and olive green 21: average hours of sleep: i dont know tbh im on autopilot 70% of the day i dont pay attention to these things 22: lucky number: i really don’t have one but i like the number 12 for some reason 23: instruments: none binch i am too impatient to learn 24: what am i wearing: babyblue pants (not jeans, the soft ones idk what they're called in english lol theyre more "dressy" i guess), a black oversized shirt and a black belt 25: how many blankets do i sleep with: one and my legs have to be outside or i will overheat and die on the spot 26: dream job: im really interested in graphic design / product design and stuff like that and i also love interior design but im not sure yet 27: dream trip: i always wanted to go to asia and im actually in china right now and i love it so much!!! i also wanna see some scandinavian countries 28: favorite food: uhh pasta tbh its the love of my life and i miss it 29: nationality: german 30: favorite song now: i cant choose one song but french montanas new album is really good!!! i tag everyone who reads this💝💝💝💝 (which means no one will do it but ok i guess😪)